#ssa silent treatment

[igotanidea]

Line of authority: Aaron Hotchner x fem!agent!reader

requested: yes, as a part of my 1k celebration: Aaron Hotchner and silent treatment.

Warnings: age gap, co-workers relationship (reader is Hotch's inferior), a bit of angst and um, well, silent treatment, fluff at the end.

A/N: I can easily get into Hotch personality, but stil find it a bit hard to write for him romantically, so please, do not go too hard on me 🥺

***

„Go home.”

„No.”

„Please, go home.”

„I’m telling you I am absolutely fine!”

“How long have they been going on with this?”

SSA Aaron Hotchner, one of the BAU most esteemed agent had only one person that could undermine his authority. His partner in both work and life – Agent Y/N Y/L/N.  Not that she was doing this on regular basis, she was a professional after all, but sometimes working together and staying in a relationship as a subordinate was too much. And the scene that was unravelling in front of the whole team was a perfect example of her limits.

Recently, the group of agents have been working on a case about assaulting and raping women. Again.  Much to Aaron displeasure Y/n volunteered herself to be the bait. After all, she looked young and innocent, definitely not like a trained FBI agent. Despite the fact, that whole team remembered what happened last time, when Elle was supposed to help catch a women offender, all of them agreed to the plan. Maybe they trusted Y/N more or maybe they had no other options to catch the guy.  Aaron objected giving his rational and logical arguments, but finally it was Gideon who made the tough call, taking some time to walk the girl through every step of the operation.  Y/N quickly got the attention of the suspected man and due to some casual flirting and playing around found herself on the unsub radar. All the BAU needed was hard proof of his guilt. Sticking to the initial plan, Y/N left the bar, pretending to be a little drunk, and started walking home, watched closely by the team, located near the area in the concealed van. Morgan and Gideon who had the pleasure of sitting in one with Aaron could almost hear his heart escaping his chest and see his clenched jaw. But he was a trained agent, no matter how worried or scared or stressed he was, there was not a chance he would ever show that. Not even when it came to her. So the three men were just spending the time in complete silence. Until the offender started walking after Y/N, captured her and dragged her inside the nearest bush. Of course she fought him bravely and before anyone else reached them, she already had the perpetrator on the ground, gat pointed at his chest, no serious damage, apart from some scratches and cuts done to her.  Girl’s psyche, however, was a whole different story. At least according to Aaron, on who’s orders she was supposed to hand over her badge and gun and stay on rest until being cleared out for the field.  And boy, she did not like it. At all.

“Y/N.” Aaron looked straight into her eyes with that characteristic, arcane face expression. His eyes were practically begging for her to listen, but lips were pursed.

“I am…..”

“Fine, you said it. But you’re still an agent and you need to follow the procedure. And that means you have to go through evaluation.”

“I don’t have to do shit! Don’t try to fool me!” she exclaimed “do you have any idea how many women, kids and people are still out there, being abused every day?! You need me on the field!”

“I’m sorry agent Y/L/N. I need you to hand over you badge and gun. Now.” he said calmly, but everyone who knew him could tell that there was a storm inside him.

“And what if I refuse?” she crossed arms over her chest, every action daring Aaron’s self-control.

 “Listen to me, than.” Gideon could tell that sooner or later one of them would snap so instead of watching he decided to take action. ”Y/N.” he smiled lightly “you know it’s not a way to get rid of you, don’t you? It’s like you said, we need you. But we need you in your best form, quick-thinking, rational, collected. Are you now?”

“I…..” she took a deep breath and after that threw her hands in the air “Fine. Fine!” her badge landed on the table “Have it your way. Maybe I’m off the field, but you can’t forbid me helping Penelope in her technician work.” The gun followed after the document “I can do work as a researcher, nearly as well.”.

“I’m sure Garcia will be more than happy to have you with her.” Gideon smiled at her “Thank you, Y/N. It’s just two weeks, the minimum amount we have.”

“Whatever.” She hissed, turning around and walking out of the room, shutting the door behind.

“You know that is not the procedure.” Jason turned towards his fellow profiler “she was not captured, shot or assaulted. She doesn’t need the assessment.”

“Let’s just get back to work, shall we?” Aaron retorted. Of course he knew that was a bit excessive, but what else was he supposed to do. He was trying to do what was best for her.

***

The following two weeks were torture for everyone in the team. Sure, Y/N was not supposed to go with them to the crime locations, but since Penelope was more than happy to have her best friend in her sanctuary she was always on the line. And in the main office in Quantico. With the amount of time Aaron were spending there, there was not a chance they would not run into each other. Or have to exchange words. And the fact, that Y/N moved back from his house, back to her own apartment and was giving him silent treatment were not helping. At all.

“Don’t you ever go the bathroom? Or to get coffee? Or, I don’t know, to stretch your legs?” Y/N was spinning around in the swivel seat, located in front of all the screen in Penelope’s offices.

“Of course not. How could I? I got loose threads to find and pull. I’m a genius, remember? I don’t fall into something so trivial and mundane as physiology!”

“Sure, Garcia, sure. I’ll definitely ask Reid about his opinion on the matter. Besides, we both know you only wait for you secret lover’s call.”

“Right. Speaking of the devil….” Penelope grinned, hearing the phone ring “you’ve reached the Oracle, ask and you shall be answered.”

“Garcia.”

“Oh, um, hi, Sir.” She stuttered a bit, realising it was in fact Hotch who was the called, and not Morgan.

“Is Y/L/N with you?”

“Um….” Penelope mumbled, eyes landing on the girl, who was frantically shaking her head and mouthing one simple word: NO!. Now poor Garcia was torn between the loyalty to her friend and line of authority. “Can’t I help you?’

“I need you to check some names for me. But Y/L/N had to go and do some paper research. And I know you are there Y/L/N. Talk to me. If nothing else convinces you, we got lives at stake.” The girl was still silent “Y/N….”

“It’s just about the case. What do I look for?” she could almost hear Hotch relief on the other side of the line when he started explaining the details.

And only a few hours later, they completed the investigation and were back in Quantico. And once the reports and paperwork were done, the only two people left in the office were Y/N and Aaron, sitting on opposite sides. Neither of them really wanted to go their homes, but they weren’t ready to talk. Not yet. This was the first time in their relationship that they found themselves in such a situation. Of course they need that working together was far from perfect, especially in this field, and they had to do some extensive explanation with the HR, but still…. At least they were spending time together. But now? This could have undermined and destroyed everything they had or made them stronger. The odds were even on both of those options. The question was, who would be the first to relent first in this game of hurt, pain, guilt and nerves.  

At that moment, she was the one to stand up first and walk towards the door.

“Can we talk about it?” he called after her, but she only did so much as to stop for  a moment and inhaling.

“No.”

***

The following weeks were… well, better in some way. She was keeping her professionalism, acknowledging Aaron’s presence whenever he was around, but the tension could still be felt. Especially when she was dropping occasional cold “morning, sir”, almost like she was trying to underline that he treated her simply as a subordinate or maybe even worse. If it were Emily or Ashley or damn, any of the man, Aaron would never go as far as putting them off. And that was what hurt her the most. That somehow he believed her to be … weaker, worse, not good enough to be an agent. She did not need him to act like her shield. She was trained, skilled and extremely good at her job. But instead of letting him know how she felt she choose to act like a kid. Finally, it was Morgan who snapped. And it was only when she got her badge back and was again a field agent, not a women in the chair (not that there was something wrong with that, but it was boring for Y/N, used to different kind of work).

“Hey, look who’s back on her feet!” he cheered when she entered the office, fully equipped “so, you’re graduated from the kindergarten or not yet?”

“What are you talking about?” she frowned and scoffed

“You know exactly what this is about. Y/N, I love you, all right, but you can be a pain in the ass and you showed that quite well lately.”

“Learning from the best” she smirked at him

“who?” Morgan titled his head ,not falling for the trap. Of course, it was too obvious for him. “Seriously, Y/N, it’s good to know you are on again, there is really no one to gets my jokes like you and Penelope.”

“Oh, so you admit you need a girl in the base and on the plane.”

“Duh.” He grinned  “Never said I didn’t. But…. If you want to get back in my good graces….”

“Who said I do?”

“…. Go talk to Hotch. Clear things up, cause I believe I speak for the whole team saying you two made our lives a living nightmare. More than usual.”

“He’s right, you know!”  Spender seconded Morgan from his chair, not raising gaze from the documents he was working on.

“All right! All right! I’m going. But why the hell does it always have to be me!?”

***

“Hotch?”

“Y/N” unlike Spencer, he did raise his eyes, focusing them on her. Not another word, just her name, like he was awaiting her reaction.

“You probably heard, I was … well, restored.”

“I did.”

“Well, um… if that’s all you have to say to me, than….”

“Wait.” He stood up and approached her, coming as close as he could considering the fact that they were still at work. Taking her hands in his, entwining their fingers, his eyes still focused on her to the point when it became uncomfortable and she had to look down. “Eyes up, agent.” She hated the fact that his deep voice was making her listen instantly “I’m sorry.” He said and everything in the tone and posture and his face was screaming sincerity.

“Why? You had every right to do so. It may have not been the standard procedure but it was still in your competence.”

“I overreacted.”

“That’s not happening often, does it?”

“Only when it comes to you.” he admitted and caressed her palm gently

“You don’t need to protect me, Aaron.” She took a step forward. Their bodies were almost touching and it was hard to not just dive into his embrace. But still, they were at work and his office had glass windows, for god’s sake!

“How can I not? I know you are trained. I know you know how to handle yourself, but I hate seeing you at this job. I let the work consume me before and now the same happens to you. And to think all I ever wanted was to keep the one I love out of this mess. “

“That’s what happened when your job is a mission….. wait, what did you just say?” her eyes grew wide and she took a step back to scan his face. “Are you saying that…..?”

“I thought it was pretty obvious at this point.”

“Yeah, but…..” her face became softer than before “I love you too, Hotch.”

“Does this mean you are coming back home?” he smirked pecking her lips, quickly, almost impalpably and she whined internally, wanting more.

“I’ll think about it. It’s not one of those “kiss and be forgiven” situation. I love that you love me but I also need you to let me do my thing. Just like with any member of the team. No special treatment. And that means both, not being too strict and not being too lenient. Although I’m sure you will have no problem with the latter.”

“Not at work.” he lifted corners of his mouth lightly, which was the equivalent of the brightest smile for him.

“I like how that sounds.” Now it was her turn to lean forward and peck his lips. “But before we take this conversation home, let’s not pretend the case files on your desk. Guess my absence took a heavy toll on you, agent Hotchner.”

@somest1

[the-bi-line]

honestly, i think gender critical feminism has the same problems with bisexuality as everyone else. pretty much the only thing the movement gets right is acknowledging that bisexuality requires attraction to both males and females, but the ways we as a demographic emerge in discussions outside of that align pretty closely with mainstream treatment of us. there’s blink-and-you-miss-it lip service to us in the form of the acronym LGB, but when the word bisexuality is included in discussions of gender criticism, it’s often as a negative. no half-hearted iterations of the phrase “it’s okay to be bisexual!” erases the context of our inclusion, which is primarily to scorn us for mislabeling ourselves (we’re stupid and invasive — a negative) or else to frame us as attempting to enforce a universal mandatory bisexuality by way of genderism (we are hypersexual and predatory — a negative). both of those beliefs — that we settle ourselves in innocent monosexual communities and that we do so in order to sexually predate upon those demographics — are thoroughly mainstream. sit down at a table with your average straight person and they would agree wholeheartedly that this is the essence of bisexuality. when the seasonal OSA vs SSA wars happen, we’re usually slotted into the OSA category as if to imply our SSA is minor enough to not really be relevant. one can’t be surprised that a special label was created and is used solely in gc spaces for bisexual women who aren’t like those other, typical bi women. one can’t be surprised that bi women mislabel as lesbians when all they hear is most bi women are predatory and dirty and male-centered. the bisexual role in the gc narrative is as handmaidens, bihets, pick-mes and — above all — stupid and predatory.

i think it’s time for gender critical bisexuals to grow a spine and speak for ourselves. the elephant in the room is that is unlikely to happen because most gc bi women agree with the negative beliefs above, but they silently exclude themselves and their friends.

end post!

[poguesofthebau]

ssa silent treatment

summary: spencer starts acting distant, and when you notice and realize he won’t talk to you about why, you give him the silent treatment. your being so close to him but refusing to speak to him slowly but surely drives spencer insane.

word count: 3.5k pairing: spencer reid x female!bau!reader

a/n: y’all know i had to have reader lowkey tease spence for being spence at the end of this, bc that is what i do. tease him, but in a wholesome way bc i also simp for him <3 so here it is!! also gonna tag @jamesdeerest​ here! enjoy y’all!!

spencer was acting weird. you weren’t really sure why he thought you wouldn’t notice, but you did.

it was a tough case, and everyone was locked in because of it. despite the multiple victims, trips to crime scenes, medical examiner’s reports, and statements from witnesses and families, you still hadn’t caught your guy, and it was beginning to take a toll on everyone-- you simply weren’t catching a break. because of that, you thought spencer was just stressed at first. it had been a long three days for everyone so far, so you understood his reasoning for being a little short with you while you were at the police department. but, when hotch sent everyone back to the hotel for the first night since you’d arrived, you thought spencer’s attitude would shift at least a little. you heard, “go back to the hotel, get some sleep, and come back with fresh eyes tomorrow,” and you expected spencer to deflate a little, relax his shoulders and wrap an arm around you on the way out the door, maybe even grab your hand on the ride back to your room. however, you didn’t get any of that.

when spencer heard this dismissal announcement, he seemed to tense up even more. it was morgan who verbally disagreed, insisting that if the team pulled one more overnight shift you would somehow see something you’d all been missing for the past few days. spencer, on the other hand, remained silent, and when hotch stood his ground, you saw his jaw clench a minuscule amount before he rose from his seat, grabbed his bag, and followed morgan (who was angrily storming away) out the door. at spencer’s exit, jj looked to you, concerned over spencer’s behavior and expecting you to offer an explanation. you shrugged, shaking your head at the blonde as you gathered your things. “i have no idea, jj.” she gave you a sympathetic look then, waiting for you to get your belongings together before the two of you wordlessly walked out side by side.

when you stepped out of the building, you spotted morgan and spencer sitting in an suv. you were a little surprised that the two obviously agitated men had actually waited, but neither you nor jj questioned it before hopping in the back seat. morgan took off as soon as he heard the clicks of your seatbelts, and you silently watched spencer in the side-view mirror. the expression he wore wasn’t unfamiliar to you-- frustration, upset, and desperation, all in one look-- but it was one that didn’t make much sense to you in this situation. usually during a case like this, one that had the entire team stumped for days at a time, spencer would be visually exhausted by the time hotch finally sent everyone home. when you thought over the past three days, you couldn’t remember seeing your boyfriend smile once. the realization made your stomach drop, and the worry set in immediately. along with the worry came the paranoid thoughts. what if he had started to get a migraine? what if something had happened in the course of this case that had done something to him? what if he wasn’t okay?

luckily for you, those thoughts hit you the very moment derek put the car in park. you’d arrived at the hotel. through the fog of your own concern, you heard jj sarcastically announce, “home sweet home.” you let a chuckle fall past your lips at the comment as you opened your door, finding spencer a few feet closer to the hotel already, waiting for you to catch up. once again, you were reminded of how different he was acting when he didn’t put out a hand for you to grab, but you kept your mouth shut because of the relief his waiting for you again had provided. the rest of the walk through the building, including the elevator ride and the few moments it took for spencer to get the hotel room door unlocked, were the same. uncharacteristically quiet, with a suspenseful weight to every motion. when you were both finally in the room, spencer still hadn’t spoken, so you took initiative.

“are you okay, spence?” your voice was light, trying to simultaneously bring up the mood and open the floor for conversation.

“fine,” he said curtly, barely glancing at you as he tugged off his tie at the foot of the bed. “are you?”

your face contorted at the tone of his voice, and suddenly you were defensive. “what does that mean?”

“what do you mean? you asked if i was okay, and i asked if you were. i think that’s pretty straightforward.”

for a couple of seconds, you were stunned into silence. spencer was giving you an attitude-- that much was obvious-- but you had no clue what you’d done to deserve it. after opening and closing your mouth a few times, you shut it and simply nodded. spencer was sitting on the bed now, looking at you with false innocence. if he wanted to play this game, so would you. “fine, reid. i’m fine, too.”

“what, so now you don’t want to talk?” you heard the falter in his voice right away. he knew he’d pissed you off at that point, and although he wasn’t going to come right out and say it, he was already regretting his sourness. regardless of how he felt now, it was too late to turn back, and he still wasn’t ready to talk about what was really bothering him, so he continued the trouble he’d started.

“i’ll talk to you when you talk to me.” you turned out the light, finishing getting ready for bed in the darkness and sliding under the covers, keeping your distance from the man beside you.

the next morning, the air in the hotel room was suffocating. spencer had woken up a few minutes before you, and he was buttoning his shirt when you pulled yourself out of the bed. “good morning,” he greeted, hesitance in his voice.

“morning,” you said effortlessly. there was limited conversation between the two of you for the remaining time you were alone. for the most part it was a mumbled ‘excuse me’ or two, but no conversation, casual or serious, ensued. slowly but surely, you could feel yourself growing more annoyed with spencer-- you didn’t see why he wouldn’t just say something. it was you. he knew he could tell you anything, no matter how nerdy or rude or overly sweet. it didn’t matter to you. you always wanted to hear what he had to say, so this rare case of him refusing to speak his mind was bound to get on your nerves.

when you met up with the rest of the team in the hotel lobby, they all knew something was up. even morgan had a new mindset after a decent night’s sleep, so you and spencer still seeming so tense stuck out like a sore thumb. “hey, lovebirds. you two good?” hotch, rossi, jj, and emily looked to you and spencer expectantly when morgan asked the question, but neither of you flinched.

“ready to catch a serial killer, as always,” you replied with mock enthusiasm. morgan laughed, but he knew your deflective answer said more than your actual words had, so he let it go. the ride back to the station was the same. you didn’t speak to spencer, and spencer didn’t speak to you.

when you arrived at the destination, you quickly lost track of morgan and reid, not having seen the older man pull your boyfriend into a hall to further question him. “hey, pretty boy. what’s going on up there?” as he spoke, morgan gently tapped the side of spencer’s head a couple of times. after a few moments, spencer was still just glaring at morgan, clearly unwilling to speak his mind. “seriously, reid. what is it? you and y/n get into a fight or something?”

spencer scoffed at that, rolling his eyes at the suggestion. “she won’t even talk to me. i was mad, and then i got her mad, and now she won’t speak to me. and the worst part is, i’m still mad, and i wouldn’t even tell her why.”

morgan’s ears perked up at the confession, and he leaned casually into the wall behind him as his mind shifted into advice-giving mode. “well, why don’t you talk to her then, genuis? i mean, i’ve never heard of a time that spencer reid couldn’t tell y/n y/l/n anything.”

“it’s not that simple, morgan,” spencer sighed as he spoke, the frustration he was feeling toward the situation becoming clear in his body language. “it’s just--”

“morgan, reid. we’ve got something.”

spencer sighed again at the sound of hotch’s voice, shaking his head slightly at morgan, who patted him on the shoulder as the two regrouped with the team. a second after spencer dropped into a seat at the conference table, you came around from the other side, placing a coffee on the table in front of him and taking a sip from your own. before he had the chance to say thank you, you were walking away, over to where emily sat at the other end of the table, without even looking at him. spencer looked to morgan, who’d witnessed the moment, with a distraught look in his eye. morgan chuckled lightly, shrugging and throwing his hands up in response.

for the next fifteen minutes, spencer was forced to focus on something other than you. during the first five of those fifteen minutes, the team was verbally bouncing ideas back and forth, and everyone had their first glimpse at the chance to finally catch this killer. for a moment spencer felt hopeful that they could close this case and he could get you to speak to him sooner than later. then, though, the room’s population increased by two.

as the chief of police and one of his detectives walked in, you were speaking, spewing out a possible occupation of the unsub. when you finished your sentence, the detective announced their presence by stating a simple, “that would make a lot of sense.” you spun in your chair to see the source of the voice, giving him a tight-lipped smile in response when you spotted the detective who’d been working with the bau on the case. after smiling at him, the detective gave you what could only be described as a lovesick expression, and you immediately deflected the look by spinning your chair back around so he was out of your line of sight. the police chief spoke then, updating the team on another new victim that had been found that morning.

unbeknownst to you, spencer was fuming for the next ten minutes. he wasn’t surprised that you didn’t spot the anger on his face, seeing as you’d refused to lock eyes with him all morning, but everyone else in the room seemed to recognize it immediately. there was an uncomfortable weight in the room that you were aware of, but your stubbornness kept you from realizing that spencer (and you, unintentionally) was the source of it all. you continued to participate in the conversation, even directly replying to the detective at one point, despite your persistent refusal to make eye contact again. every time the detective spoke, spencer got angrier. by the time the impromptu meeting had ended, he was seeing red. he heard the police chief say, “alright, well, us two will head out and see if we can find anything, maybe bring somebody in,” and he was basically flying out of his seat.

“really glad we could all do this,” he muttered sarcastically, exiting the room as soon as he saw the two men go out the front door of the station.

“reid--” hotch began to call out, but when he saw the look on your face-- one of concern, confusion, and determination-- he knew you would handle it. hotch nodded to you, and before the rest of the team could get a word out, you were following spencer.

“hey,” you called out, hoping your boyfriend would realize you were finally talking to him. unfortunately, he either didn’t hear you or chose to continue ignoring you, and stalked out the station door without looking back. holding in a frustrated groan, you picked up the pace a little and jogged after him. as you stepped out of the station, head whipping around a few times to keep track of where the man was going, you stopped in your tracks when you saw him pacing back and forth a few feet from the door. “spencer.”

you caught his attention that time, and his face was painted in surprise when he heard your voice so close. your eyes locked for the first time since the previous night, and the look of surprise quickly morphed into a grimace. he began shaking his head, turning away from you and tilting his head up to the sky. you took a few steps closer, crossing your arms as you waiting for him to return your gaze. eventually he did, and his expression had once again changed-- this time, he looked remorseful. “i’m sorry. i’m really, really sorry, y/n.”

your eyes softened at the desperation in his voice, and the rest of your body followed suit. your arms uncrossed, shoulders deflating a little. “what is it, spence? just talk to me.” there was still some frustration laced into your words, but spencer was finally able to remember who you were. it was y/n. his y/n, the one he could tell any passing thought, any uncalled-for statistic, any traumatic childhood memory. anything at all.

he sighed, brows furrowing a little as he prepared to finally admit to what had him so upset. “that stupid detective, y/n. i mean, i’m used to working around airheads on cases like this, but that guy--”

“hold on a second,” you interrupted, holding up a hand. “are you-- do you mean detective beefhead?”

“if detective beefhead is the one that came into the conference room just now to simply ogle you, then yes. detective beefhead, y/n.”

the hand you’d been holding in front of spencer then clamped over your mouth, but the boisterous laugh you were trying to hold in fell out anyway. “oh my god. i’m sorry, spence, but seriously? not only are you jealous right now, but you’re jealous of a guy i just referred to as detective beefhead? is your iq still 187, or are you feeling sick?”

he threw you a dirty look then, crossing his arms. “you know, you told me to talk to you, and now that i am, you’re laughing at me. if i remember correctly-- and we both know i do-- you said you’d talk to me if i talked to you. not laugh at me. talk to me.”

you were able to stop laughing then, but the smile on your face wasn’t going anywhere. “spence,” you said, stepping close enough to him to forcibly uncross his arms and wrap them around you instead. “i’m sorry for laughing. really. but... that’s ridiculous. why would you feel threatened by him?” still slightly defensive, spencer tried to remove his arms from around your waist, but you leapt forward even more, grabbing his face with both hands and steering his head so he’d have to look at you. “c’mon, spence.”

“y/n,” he sighed, eyes closing for a second before he looked back at you and continued. “you don’t see yourself how i see you, or how anyone sees you.” your head tilted at the statement, and spencer’s arms tightened slightly around your waist as he shook you lightly for emphasis. “i’m serious. you are... you’re perfect, y/n, and i know how absurd that sounds to you, but it’s the most truthful thing i’ve ever said out loud, or thought, or known. and, frankly, i’m not the most outwardly-- or inwardly-- appealing person. i know that. i’m not like most people, and i know you think that’s endearing, but it’s hard for me to sit back and watch other guys come around and try to take you from me. my heart stops when i think that maybe you’ll look at someone else one day and completely forget about me, and us, and everything. it just-- it scares me, and when i get scared, i get defensive, and then i was acting so childish toward you, but it was all because i’m scared.”

for a few moments, all you could do was stare at spencer. you knew you should’ve said something right away, but for some reason, all you wanted to do was look at him. maybe it was because you knew you saw him in a way he didn’t see himself, and in a way nobody else could ever see him. when you looked at spencer, all you saw was everything, because that’s what he was to you-- everything. the thought of him feeling so unstable in your relationship crushed you, and the way he felt in that moment only reminded you even more of who you truly knew him to be.

you thought back over the last few days of working on this case, and all the times you’d come into contact with the detective spencer apparently felt so threatened by. he’d brought you coffee three times, but you’d denied it twice, having either just gotten coffee for you and spencer, or spencer having just brought you a refill. the one time you did take it, it was more in hopes that he’d retire his efforts after one small success. then there was the time you’d caught him leaning over your shoulder as you read the m.e.’s report. you’d asked him if he needed a copy of his own, and he’d told you that he had his own but liked appreciating the notes you’d scribbled into yours more than his own bland copy. you’d told him there was nothing bland about an innocent person who’d been murdered, and he’d basically run away from you. and then there was the interaction in the conference room that your team witnessed entirely. you realized then that spencer must’ve seen all the other approaches detective beefhead had made, and you internally cringed at spencer’s misinterpretation.

“you’re wrong.” those were the first words you spoke, because they were the most honest. “i know it’s gonna be hard for you to believe, but you are just so wrong right now, spencer. honestly, after all the time i’ve had with you, i kind of thought you’d know better to ever get jealous. and i know that sounds ridiculous, because everyone gets jealous, but i think i just hoped you’d see by now that it’s literally not possible for me to see another person the way i see you. literally. impossible.”

“i mean, it’s probably not really impossible, but--” at your pointed look, spencer cut himself off. “okay, fine. it’s impossible.”

“hell yes it is. because i love you, doctor reid. not detective beefhead, not some guy who tries to hit on me at a bar, not anyone else. just you, okay?”

he nodded, finally feeling for the first time in three days that you were still his. “i’m still sorry, though. you were so mad, and i-- i just made it worse, and i’m sorry for that.”

“i was only mad because you weren’t communicating with me, spence. so, if you’re sorry, you can make up for it by working with me a little and just telling me when something’s wrong.” he nodded rapidly, a smile finally breaking out on his face for the first time in days. “and also, you’re welcome for the coffee.” his face fell then, and as he opened his mouth to argue, you laughed and pulled his mouth to yours to keep him from bickering. for a second he resisted, determined to correct your statement, but he quickly realized that would get him nowhere. just as he succumbed to your touch, the door to the police station was swinging open again.

“oh, thank god,” you heard from the door. it was emily, a bright smile on her face as she spotted the two of you kissing in front of the station. at the sound of her voice, you and spencer pulled apart, both looking to her innocently. “hotch needs you both back. i’m glad to see you’ve sorted out whatever the issue was.”

you looked at spencer one last time before smiling back at emily, pulling yourself out of spencer’s grip to re-enter to building. spencer followed behind you both, relieved to know he was out of the doghouse with you and had no other guys to worry about. “spencer was jealous of detective beefhead.” you spoke quietly (and tauntingly, knowing your boyfriend could hear you), causing emily to let out an understanding, “ah, good ol’ detective beefhead. reid, kid, you got nothing to worry about there, trust me.”

“hey, don’t tell them!”

“you talk to me, i talk to you, we talk to the team, spence! it’s the circle of communication!”

“i’m never communicating again.” and that was spencer’s last grumble before you all got back to work. 

[leahblackk]

second part of fic rec please?

Yes! Of course. I just have to say that most of these fics are angst but here we go;

Don’t thank me for loving you by @samuel-de-champagne-problems (This fic was so beautiful and I love the way it’s written and everything. 20/10 and I love your username)

Professor Reid by @avenging-fandoms (I have a soft spot for professor Reid and I loved the chapters where he was in being a professor and reading this was a really good idea besides that I love how it’s written)

Plan on you by @reidsacademia (I’m out of words with this one, one of my favorites of course and its because I love angst so much so please if anyone here write angst tag me cause I love getting my heart mashed. I loved your writing so much, please never stop doing it and if you ever write more angst tag me, and I love your username ;)

Twenty-Four by @hercleverboy (Oh my god this is really good I don’t know, I have a thing for this type of fics where two people who are in pain or trouble met each other is something that does things to my heart. I loved it) and The waiting room (please I love this one I cry every time and it’s so beautiful)

Well this is one of my favorite writers here as well, I love her page and I read them constantly. I will be adding my favorites though, but mostly of them are angst, as it’s well known that I love angst so this is @mggpleasedontlookhere and my favorite fics. By the way I love the username so so much! People are so creative. Call out my name pt.1 and pt.2, Liar liar pt.1 and pt.2, Pascal pt.1 and pt.2, Jealousy MGG

Sealed with a kiss by @megankane (this is really beautiful I love it I really don’t have words enough to say how much I loved this)

Gentle man by @spookydrreid (I’m not a fan of “throwing something in the wall or floor” type of thing but this is so beautiful I loved it so much. I love angst and it’s so beautiful. I love the way you write) And Like us (✨✨✨)

When loving you gets hard by @railmereid (okay this is really beautiful and I don’t know how explain my love for this fic and there’s something that makes my heart go crazy, maybe is the way is written or maybe my love for Reid but this is amazing)

Sweet by @plutocrd (Just like the title this is really sweet. There’s two things I love in writing more than enemies to lovers and it’s angst and worship and the worship here it’s amazing)

Can’t be your secret anymore by @shemarmooresfedora (alright I was constantly thinking this was a crossover with Grey’s anatomy for some reason but I loved it and I loved soft Reid and this is really beautiful) and Daises mean “I’m an idiot” (god I loved this fic)

Spencer Reid taking care of you after a hard day and A not so good day by @ssa-m-187 (this is really beautiful and I loved it besides that the writer here has a beautiful way to express and write things that makes your heart go crazy so this is amazing)

Alright another person who I love more than one fic of them, this is @reidsnose and my favorite fics. Starting with Hair tie (beautiful, masterpiece 20/10 chef kiss) Defining features (Beautiful, amazing, great. This is ugh this is so beautiful and I don’t know how to describe my love for these fics) and Tally Marks (again, chef kiss ✨✨)

Illicit Affairs by @klinenovakwinchester (this is beyond beautiful and amazing that are the two words I use the most to describe something I love so much because my brain cannot think anything else so you probably have an idea how much I loved this one)

Silent Treatment by @i-understood-that-reference (I love everything that has to do with silent treatment because I don’t know ITS BEAUTIFUL so thank you for doing this masterpiece btw does anyone ever noticed how alike Lila Archer and Ashley Seaver are?) And having your baby (I usually cry reading sweet things but this is made me cry in a way I cannot explain. Thank you for these masterpieces)

Need you by @reidsghost (please to say I loved this it’s just little. This is really beautiful and the angst mashed my heart in a beautiful way)

Spencer and Nicknames by @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo (I have sweet and soft spot for nicknames as well so this is a masterpiece and made my heart go real fast)

Hints by @secret-rendezvous1d (Oh my god this is really sweet and beautiful, thank you for sharing this masterpiece. I loved it so much)

Morning Reluctant by @willowrose99 (I- this is a masterpiece, so beautifully written)

Darling you’re the one I want by @luvspence (I love Spencer Reid and Taylor Swift so this is a perfect combination)

The best way to wake up by @reidscanehand (please this is amazing. I love everything you write but this is a soft spot for me. You’re amazing and I love your writing so so much)

Scatterbrained Nights by @anaagraceeberr (beautiful, amazing, masterpiece ✨✨✨)

Every single one of you are great writers and I hope you don’t stop doing what you do and what you love because believe me, you might just think “oh yeah, she liked one of my fics. Cool,” but mostly of these fics (and by mostly I mean all of them, the fic rec I did before and the ones that are really deep in my likes and I haven’t found yet because I like everything I see) means so much to me and I know how hard it is to write and sometimes don’t have your work recognized but believe me I see you and I love what you write.

I wish I can put every single one of the people who writes and don’t get too much attention because they deserve it! And I hope everyone who is gonna read those fics, give all the love to the authors because they take so much time (and if they don’t still) to make something that make us happy. And I appreciate every single one of you who is writing and sometimes it get frustrating, and I know that because I do too. Sometimes I feel like giving up because my fics don’t get enough likes or I just think people don’t like what I write but then I read something someone said about my fics or my way to write and that motivates me so please do that with these amazing people and those who are not in my fic rec because I haven’t found their fic. And if you don’t get enough attention please feel free to tag me and I will give all the love I can for you because you deserve it! Please don’t give up on something you love, and please if you write angst TAG ME!!!

[ssahotchhner]

like real people do

PART TWO

hi! this is my first criminal minds fic, i haven’t watched the show all the way through in several years and while doing a rewatch discovered that i HAD to write hotch. this will be two parts, here’s the first! let me know your thoughts please, i love talking to my readers (:

words: 5837

pairing: hotch x reader

warnings: usual criminal minds nastiness, rape mention, death, curse words

Everyone knew that SSA Aaron Hotchner has been emotionally unavailable since his divorce, so everyone was that much more surprised when he kissed you at the bar in front of all your colleagues at the BAU. You wouldn’t lie, you had had a crush on Aaron for years now, but you had imagined your hypothetical romance much differently. As it was, Aaron had immediately left the bar in a flurry of embarrassment, murmuring a hurried apology on his way out leaving you to the unabashed teasing of your coworkers that you had pretended to brush off. Now, days later, Aaron still refused to so much as look at you.

“Y/N,” Morgan rolled his chair over to your desk, “I’m dying to know, is Hotch a good kisser?”

You sigh, “Fuck off, Derek.”

“Leave the poor girl alone, Derek,” Rossi says as he passes by, “Don’t you think it’s bad enough Hotch is giving her the silent treatment now?”

You tried to hide the way the tears pricked the back of your eyes at his comment, but you were surrounded by FBI profilers.

Morgan lowered his voice and reach out his hand to touch your arm, “Hey, babygirl, I’m sorry, I was just teasing, maybe you should try talking to Hotch--”

“Talking to me about what?” Aaron had been so quiet walking up on you and your head had been low, so focused on not crying that you hadn’t heard him.

“Nothing.” You say quickly, and as expected he avoids making eye contact, “Do you need something, sir?” You don’t miss the way he flinches at the formality. Good.

“We have a new case.” He says simply and walks away.

Morgan let out a low whistle, “You really hit him with the ‘sir.’” You started to get up from your desk, but Morgan put a hand on your arm again, “Seriously, Y/N, I’m sorry. If you need to talk I’m here.”

You sighed and stood up again, forcing a smile, “There’s nothing to talk about Derek, I’m fine. Now come on.”

“We have a serial rapist in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.” JJ starts immediately as everyone files in. You feel Morgan’s gaze on you the entire time and try not to get frustrated. He’s been like a brother to you since you joined the BAU a few years ago and you know this overprotectiveness was just him being a good friend, but it was bound to drive you nuts. “Victims are all white women ranging from their late teens to early twenties at a local university.”

“Why are we being called in for a rapist on a college campus?” Reid asks, “I don’t mean to be insensitive, but we all know the statistics. There are dozens of serial rapists on college campuses.”

“Because this one is torturing them while he rapes them and leaves them notes leading up to the attacks.” Hotch says as Penelope begins to pull up pictures on the screen of these women. “Slut, whore, bitch, cunt. All carved on their chests.” You do your best to hide the nausea that rises in you as you look at the pictures. Do your job. You remind yourself.

“What do the notes say?” Emily asks.

“They seem like thinly veiled threats,” Reid begins, “They sound romantic at first glance, but if you read closely you can see the context.” 

“He breaks into their dorms when they’re at class or at parties and waits for them to come home and then he holds them at knifepoint so they won’t scream.” Penelope says, trying not to let her voice shake.

“Risky to do in a dorm building and no one’s seen him?” Morgan says.

Rossi ponders this, “That means he must blend in, someone no one would think twice about being inside. A student, an RA, or a university official.”

“University officials don’t normally enter student dorms unless there’s an issue, they’d be more likely to stand out and students would talk about them showing up.” Hotch muses.

“Y/N, you’re awful quiet today,” Emily nudges your elbow, “What do you think?”

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, but Aaron’s. Still looking at his manila folder as if Emily hadn’t addressed you. As if you didn’t exist. You clear your throat, “I think the RA or student theory makes sense. We should probably interview the RA of the first victim, assuming he’s a man. It would make sense to me that he would start with one of his own students and then begin to branch out. Maybe he thought he could stop, get that release he needed after just one, but the need only grew stronger.”

“Wheels up in thirty, we’ll discuss more on the plane.” Hotch says and stands, walking out of the room without another glance.

“Did something happen last night at the bar?” Emily murmurs, the only member of the team who didn’t make it out the night before, “Hotch is acting really weird around you.”

Derek snickers on the other side of you and you elbow him, “That’s it, I’m going to talk to him.”

Reid winces, “Good luck.”

“It’ll be fine, kid.” Rossi says and squeezes your shoulder as you pass.

You take a long breath before you finally build the courage to walk into Aaron’s office where he’s packing his briefcase. “Sir, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Can it wait until we’re on the plane, agent?”

Agent. You roll your eyes toward the ceiling, “No, sir, it can’t.” You can’t hide the bite in your words this time. He finally looks at you, really looks at you. You wonder what he sees.

“Close the door.” He says quietly and then sits behind his desk.

You walk slowly to the seat in front of his desk. This time, he watches you. “This is the first time you’ve looked at me all day.”

“I wasn’t aware you were analyzing me.”

“Are you telling me you haven’t been analyzing me all day?”

“Agent, what is this about? We have a plane to catch.”

You stare at him for a few moments longer, “Fine,” You stand, “If you want to pretend nothing happened, I’ll do the same. But if you could at least stop ignoring me, that would be great.”

“Agent--”

“And use my goddamn name, for Christ’s sake.”

He stares at you and you know he hates your emotional outburst and that in turn makes you hate yourself. “Then you stop calling me ‘sir.’” He says quietly.

Your eyes soften for just a moment and then you storm back out of his office nearly plowing over Rossi as you leave. Rossi walks into Aaron’s office to see him rubbing his forehead, “Well that doesn’t look like it went well.”

“I screwed up, Rossi.” 

“Oh, come on Hotch, it was just one kiss. It didn’t mean anything--”

“It did mean something. To me. Maybe not to her.”

Rossi shakes his head, “Then why are you giving her the cold shoulder?”

Hotch sighs, “Because we work together, because she doesn’t feel the same, because she’s the first woman I’ve kissed since Haley. Pick a reason.” Rossi looks like he’s going to interject, but Hotch stands, “We don’t have time for this, Rossi, let’s go.”

Rossi sighs as he watches Aaron walk out of his office and follows after.

***

You’re quiet most of the plane ride, conscious of the looks everyone is giving you as you read the information in the manila folder over and over, trying to be good at your job instead of thinking about your boss.

“When we get off the plane, JJ and Prentiss, you go talk to the victims. Rossi and I will touch base with the police. Morgan, Reid, Y/N, you go talk to anyone you can find at the dorms, see if anyone’s seen anyone suspicious.” You make it a point not to react, but everyone else reacts anyway, watching you carefully. Hotch almost always assigns himself with you. 

“If you guys don’t stop psychoanalyzing me I will eject myself from this plane.” 

Everyone looks away except Aaron and when you meet his eyes, he’s smirking. Those smiles are so rare and you can’t deny how it satisfies you to know you were the reason he did so. You quickly look back down at your work, careful not to reveal anything you’re feeling.

***

“Do you have feelings for Hotch?” Reid asks without preamble when you’re in the car with Derek.

“Spencer!” You exclaim in outrage. Derek just laughs from the driver’s seat.

“What? You both wouldn’t be being so weird about one kiss if it wasn’t something more.”

“Okay, Romeo, remember that she’s armed.” Derek cautioned.

“He’s my boss, Reid. It’s weird because he’s my boss.”

“Well, sure, by definition Hotch is our superior but we all know--” Reid cut himself off when he saw the look Derek was giving him in the rearview mirror, “Yeah, you’re right, it’s weird.” He said quickly.

You sigh and turn to the window and ignore Derek and Spencer the rest of the ride.

***

“So you mean to tell me that ten women have come forward about being raped in their dorms and you told them to consider themselves lucky they weren’t murdered and sent them home without doing a rape kit?” Aaron’s furious. Furious with himself for the previous night and he’s more than happy to take out that anger on the local Milwaukee police department.

“Look, man, we get a lot of he said she said in here, we don’t have the time or the man power to follow up on every one.”

Just then his phone rings. It’s you. He wishes he could ignore the pang that goes through him just from reading your name. “Hotch.” He answers.

“Sir-- I mean, Aaron.” You correct yourself quickly, and then realize you should have called him Hotch, but it’s too late. “They’ve found a body.”

He frowns, “A body? That doesn’t fit his MO.”

You swallow, “Yeah, well, everything else does. He seems to have gotten a little carried away with the carving this time.”

“We’ll be right there.”

You hang up your phone and then turn back to Reid and Morgan who are looking over the crime scene. You sit with Victoria’s, the victim’s, distraught roommate and try to calm her and maybe get some actual information out of her. You don’t hear or see Aaron walk in until he’s already next to you, “Did you get anything from her?”

His closeness makes it hard to focus, “Just regular roommate stuff, she might be more useful once she calms down. I asked if her roommate had a boyfriend or anything like that and she said she was quiet, kept to herself. Boys were out of the question.”

“He’s escalated. Why?”

You shrug, “Could be because we’re here, that might have upset him and he lost control. But it could have been an accident, roommate says Victoria had a heart condition. The stress of the situation might have killed her.”

Hotch nods, “Good work.”

He was trying to be normal, you could tell. And he was trying so hard. “Thank you.” You said softly and then you excused yourself. Everything about him set you on edge and over and over the moment he kissed you plays in your head.

***

You’re both laughing to near snorting while sitting at the bar and Aaron can’t stop watching you, “You have an incredible laugh, you know?” He says softly when you’ve both settled down. “Sometimes when I think this job isn’t worth it, I’ll hear your laugh outside my office and just that sound…” He realizes what he’s saying suddenly and turns his head away from you smiling at his drink now.

“You make it worth it for me too.” You say and his eyes are back on you, “You so rarely ever smile, but when you smile at me… It makes it all worth it. The long hours, the horrible cases… all of it.”

When you look back at him he’s suddenly serious again. You can see his eyes calculating as he searches your face and you realize with a bit of shock that he’s trying to see if you’re lying. When his eyes finally settle back on yours, he gently reaches up, almost without thinking about it and curls a loose piece of hair behind your ear.

And then in the next second, his hand still on your face, his mouth is on yours.You forget that there’s anyone else in the world for those few seconds that he kisses you. Until everyone on the team starts jeering and Aaron pulls away like he’s seen a ghost.

“Aaron?” You say, frowning as he jumps up from his seat, not looking at you and gathering his things.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he murmurs and then runs out.

Derek’s laughing as he walks up to you, “Damn, princess. You broke Hotch! I gotta say, you’re incredibly out of his league.” You glare at him. “What? You’re out of my league too.”

You smile at that and try to act like everything’s normal, but you’re sure Spencer notices that you drink more and laugh a little too loudly.

***

You’re pulled back from the memory as JJ walks toward you, “Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah,” You nod, “Fine, just needed a second alone to think.”

She stops in front of you and rests her hand on your arm, lightly squeezing, “You can talk to me, you know, about men. Even Hotch.”

You smile, “I appreciate everyone’s concern, but I’m fine, really. It’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s a big deal if it starts interfering with the job, and I can see it on both of you,” She’s stern all of a sudden, “I know he’s our boss, but underneath that he’s just any other man, Y/N. Don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise.”

“Guys,” Derek interrupts, sticking his head out into the hallway, “You’re gonna wanna see this.”

When you come back in the room, Spencer is crouched over the body, gloves on, examining the carvings in her body, “There’s hesitation in the cuts this time and you can tell they were done after she was dead. And if you look a little bit closer…”

“‘Sorry…’” You read the small script, astonished. “Remorse. It was an accident.” Your eyes dart back and forth as you lose yourself in your own thoughts while the rest of the team discusses, “I think we can deliver the profile.”

***

“We’re looking for a white male in his early to mid twenties.” Hotch starts, “He most likely is able to gain the women’s trust, maybe he’s a student RA or a student tech worker, but they let him in without a second thought.”

“I thought he breaks into the dorms and waits for them?” A cop asks.

“He does,” You say, “But the initial access is how he chooses his victims. He’s a loner, doesn’t have many friends, certainly no girlfriend. It’s possible that he asks these girls on dates when he first meets them, and when they refuse he feels entitled to them anyway which is why he comes back for the rape.”

“What about the murder?” Another cop asks.

“We believe the death of the last girl was an accident.” Reid responds, “She had a heart condition and the medical examiner has confirmed she died from sudden cardiac arrest. The unsub even seemed to show remorse when he defiled the body after, carving the word ‘sorry’ into her body.”

“The killing has most likely set him on edge. He’s remorseful, upset, overcome with immense guilt, but he blames the women. If they had just said yes to him, he wouldn’t have to do this. She wouldn’t have died.” Derek continues, “You should be looking for someone who was soft spoken, but as the rapes started he became more assertive, maybe he had an altercation with a professor or supervisor.”

“You’ve probably interviewed him already,” You say, “He inserts himself into the investigation because he feels guilt and watching the investigation play out validates that he was right for doing what he did.” You sigh, “There’s one more thing. He didn’t intend to kill Victoria, but… He spent time with the body after she had passed. He mutilated her as well as continued his rape of her afterward. It’s possible that he enjoyed the kill and will kill the next time as well. So stay vigilant and… please tell the girls not to let any men in their dorms. Thank you.”

Aaron comes up to you, “Can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

You nod and follow him into a conference room and he closes the door behind you, “You’re really an incredible profiler, agent.”

Again with the ‘agent.’ “Thank you, sir.”

“I just wanted to assure you that I will remain nothing but professional around you from here on out.”

You tilted your head to the side and you knew the pain was evident on your face as you didn’t try to hide it, “I see.”

“You’re upset.”

You laugh, “Did you mean anything you said at the bar, Aaron, or were you just drunk?” You’re aware of how vulnerable you’re being in front of him now as you can hear the tears in your own voice.

You see him calculating what the best response is and this just infuriates you more, “Forget it, you’re just going to talk to me like some unsub, trying to best figure out what to say to calm me down.”

He shakes his head, “That’s not what I’m doing.”

You start to walk out and stop to stand next to him, “You just said yourself I’m an incredible profiler, so please don’t profile me and think I won’t notice.”

He closes his eyes as you continue walking out, “Y/N, wait.” Despite yourself, you do stop at the sound of your name. “I’m sorry, I-- I meant the things I said at the bar, I’m… But I’m your boss and I don’t want to make it difficult for you to do your job.”

You force a smile and look up at him, “Don’t worry, Hotch, won’t be a problem.”

And then you’re gone and he gets the feeling you won’t call him Aaron ever again.

***

Spencer walks in the entrance of the dorm you’ve been staking out, two coffees in hand. He hands one to you wordlessly, “Have you gotten any sleep?”

“Obviously not.” You sigh and happily guzzle the coffee, “Thanks.”

“Hotch is upset.”

“About what?” You murmur, half paying attention, half going over the case again on the papers in front of you.

“About you, obviously.”

You don’t look up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. How do you even know Hotch is upset? He always looks like he’s pissed at something.”

“Because I’m a profiler. Everyone knows he’s off, no one will say to his face that it’s because of you.”

You sigh and look up at him, “Spencer, we’re fine, okay? We’re adults.” He’s quiet, but he won’t stop staring at you, “What?”

“I know that I’m… not the most perceptive when it comes to emotions, but… I think he’s in love with you. And I’m pretty sure you’re in love with him.”

You smirk, “And what makes you think that, Mr. Profiler?”

He smiles back, “Well, Hotch is always watching you, mostly when you’re not looking and when he does his expression sort of… softens. He almost always assigns the two of you together when giving the unit assignments, which I think is partially because he likes to be around you, but also because he’s trying to protect you, especially after that hostage situation a few months ago. He was a wreck when you were in there. Screaming at everyone, I really thought he would kill the unsub when he found him.”

“He would do that for any of us, when any of us were in danger.” You said, quickly shaking your head to dismiss the idea.

But Spencer shakes his head, “You didn’t see him. It was different.”

“Spencer, he barely gave me a pat on the back when I left that hostage situation alive.”

“That’s because he doesn’t trust himself around you. Why do you think the only time he’s ever given you a hint at the way he feels was when he was drunk?”

Your head is spinning as you look at Spencer, “No, that doesn’t make any sense--”

“It makes perfect sense and I know you know that.” Spencer’s phone rings, “Reid.” He sighs and lowers his head, “Where? Okay, we’ll be right there.” He hangs up the phone, “There’s another body.”

You sigh, “I really hate being right.”

***

“You were right,” Hotch says from behind you, “He’s discovered he likes killing.”

It was never easy looking at bodies, but somehow it was always worse when you had predicted it and still not been able to stop it, “How did he do it?”

“Manual strangulation.”

“Has anyone checked for skin or blood under her fingernails? Sign of a struggle?”

Aaron nods, “Already scraped off and sent to Garcia.”

“Even if she can’t find a match, we’ll be able to narrow down suspects by the injuries she left.”

“The school is panicking, they want to evacuate the campus.”

“If they evacuate we’ll never find him, he’ll just start again somewhere else.”

“That’s what I told them.”

You sigh, “Why are the girls still letting him in?”

“Maybe they’re not,” Hotch mused, “Maybe he’s starting to pick the girls from his classes now that we’re here.”

“The last two victims, do we have their schedules? Their majors?”

“They were both nursing majors,” Emily interjects, “Third year.”

You nod, “Okay, so by that point, third year, majority of their classes are restricted to nursing majors only.” You flip your phone open and dial Penelope.

“Hello my delightful fairy princess, what can I do for you?”

“Garcia, the last two victims, can you cross reference their class schedules and tell me if they had any classes in common?”

“Yes, just a second… Three classes in common.”

“Okay, cross reference with the remaining victims.”

“Um, okay, wow, all of them had two classes in common.”

“Shit.” You mutter, “Can you send over the class rosters of both those classes, but just the men. And also send pictures.”

“You got it.”

“Thanks, Penelope.”

You shake your head, “They were all nursing majors.” You say as you hang up, “How did we miss that?”

Reid was shaking his head, “We didn’t have a lot of time to interview the victims before the first body turned up.”

“Alright, we need everyone looking through those rosters, rounding up every male we can and interviewing them.” Hotch starts, “Y/N, you’re with me for interviews, the rest of you keep in touch with Garcia and find out anything you can.”

You try to ignore the shock you feel that he picked you this time, noting Reid’s raised eyebrows as he left the room. “You sure you want me on interviews?” You ask when you’re alone.

He’s looking at all the evidence on the corkboard, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Wasn’t sure if you would want to work closely with me anymore.” You say, standing next to him now and also looking over the evidence.

He looks at you now, “You have the same features as a lot of the victims, I’m hoping it’ll get a rise out of our unsub if we find him.”

You nod, “Makes sense.”

“And,” He says pointedly until you meet his eyes, “As I’ve said already, you’re an excellent agent and I could use your help on this.”

You heave a big sigh, “Okay, how do you wanna play it?”

He shrugs, “I think you already know what role I need you to play.”

***

This is maybe the tenth or so interview you and Hotch had done with no success. You were tired of playing this role, especially in front of Hotch.

“Jordan.” You smile sweetly at him, making sure to lean over the table just a little to give him the view he wants, “Did you know either of these girls?” You lay the pictures of the last couple victims on the table, wait to see his reaction. He brings his hands up to rest on the table and you see the shallow scratch marks on them, you share a discreet look with Hotch who barely nods in acknowledgement.

He stares for far too long. Hotch notices his hands clench into fists. He’s excited by the bodies.

“Yeah, I knew them.” He’s still looking at the pictures, “They were in two of my classes.” He finally looks up and gazes at you hungrily, “You seem awful young to be an FBI agent.”

You smile again and then look away, a sign of submission. “Stop flirting with my agent.” Hotch says placing his palms abruptly on the table. Jordan doesn’t flinch at Hotch’s presence, not taking his eyes off you. He’s more confident than either of you anticipated. Was the profile wrong or is this the wrong guy? “How did you know the victims?”

“I just told you, from class.”

“Did you ever see them outside of class?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, maybe, to do a project, not in a while though.”

“Jordan, do you know if either of the girls had a boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” He frowns, “Those two? No.” He practically scoffs.

You tilt your head to the side, “Why do you say it like that?”

“Those girls aren’t the boyfriend type. They’re whores.” There’s the bitterness in his voice.

You try to make your face as empathetic as possible, “What do you mean by that, Jordan?”

“Well, you know, they slept around… Wouldn’t give a nice guy like me a chance. You must know their type, you’re the FBI.”

You nod, “It must be so hard for a handsome, smart guy like you to get rejected. I can’t imagine why anyone would dream of missing out on that,” You shake your head, “Their loss.”

Hotch audibly scoffs and you watch Jordan glare at him. He’s getting angry. Good. “Hotch, why don’t you go get Jordan a water?”

Hotch blinks at you, trying to figure out if you had really just given him an order, “Agent, I am the lead interrogator on this case, I’m not leaving you alone in here--”

“Agent Hotchner,” You turn in your seat to face him, hoping he’ll read your expression, “Please get the young man a water, he’s been in here for hours.”

His eyes search your face for a few moments and then he leaves the room without another word. He won’t be getting Jordan a water. You know he’s watching carefully from the other side of the glass. “Sorry about him.” You say, “He doesn’t understand men like you.”

“Men like me?”

“Men who know how to get what they want.”

His face transforms as he watches you and he leans back in his chair, relaxed, legs spread to assert his dominance. “And you understand that?”

“There’s nothing sexier than a man who goes after what he wants… No matter what.”

He leans forward and whispers, “Even when they beg me to stop?”

You swallow past your disgust and, though you hate to admit it, fear, “Did they beg you to stop? Victoria and Erica?”

His smile widens as he watches you, “You remind me so much of them.”

“Can you tell me what you did to them? How you killed them?”

He licks his lips now, you think he’s lost all sense of where he is, falling for the delusion you’ve set in front of him, “You’re just like them, a dirty little slut. You want to be punished, don’t you?”

“Please.” Is the last word you whisper before he practically jumps across the table to grab your throat. Your chair falls backwards and he’s on top of you, crushing your windpipe. How could you forget that he was uncuffed? Hotch rushes in, he yells as he pulls Jordan off you, but you’re not sure what he’s saying. Then he’s cuffed Jordan and taken you out of the room.

“Sit.” Aaron says, ushering you to a chair that you practically fall into. You’re still coughing and you’re shaking a bit as Aaron gives you a water.

“I forgot,” You start, your voice hoarse, but Hotch brings the water cup to your mouth, insisting you drink before talking. You take a couple swallows, “I forgot he wasn’t cuffed.”

He shakes his head, “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.”

“No, I needed you on the other side of the glass. He wouldn’t have fallen for the delusion otherwise. I needed him to forget who I was and just see me as a potential victim.” Aaron wouldn’t meet your eyes, not wanting to admit that you were right, “I’m going back in there.”

“No, you’re not, that’s out of the question.”

“Is that an order, sir?” He scans your face in frustration, “You know it has to be me. He won’t talk to you. I’ll be fine.”

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face, “Fine. Ask him about Erica, don’t ask about Victoria.”

“Why?”

“Because he didn’t kill Victoria himself, it’ll ruin the fantasy and he might lie to you to try to impress you. The details of the murders weren’t shared with the public, only the unsub would know how each of them died. He needs to reveal how he killed Erica to you and then we’ll have him.”

“Okay.” You stand and hold your hands behind you so he won’t see them shaking, but he’s a profiler. The attempt is mute.

He takes a step closer, “You don’t have to go back in there,” He says softly, “No one will think less of you.”

When he’s this close, looking at you with such concern, it makes you want to melt in his arms. But you had a job to do, “I can do this.”

And before he can make you think about it more, you turn away from him and march back in the interrogation room.

“Sorry about that,” You sit back down at the table and smile at him, “My partner gets a little jealous sometimes.” You lean in and whisper, “He’s usually the only one I let handle me like that.”

Just like that he’s back, “Why don’t you uncuff me so we can continue?”

You bite your lip, “I’d like to hear more about the other girls first.”

***

“Why is she in there by herself?” Rossi came up behind Aaron who was watching the unsub’s every move, ready to jump in again if needed.

“She insisted.” Hotch says simply, “She almost has him.”

Rossi sighs, “She’s stubborn. Like someone else I know.”

Hotch is quiet for a moment, “I can’t be with her, Rossi, it could ruin her career.”

“You can’t know that. And besides, don’t you think that should be her decision to make?”

Hotch doesn’t answer, he just continues watching you.

***

“Does it turn you on hearing what I’ve done to them?”

You’re sitting on your hands now, trying to stifle the growing panic in your head that was telling you to get out. He’s unarmed, he’s cuffed, Aaron is right there. He can’t hurt you. “You have no idea.” It came out breathless from your fear, but he interpreted it as desire.

“First, I knocked her out, tied her to the bed. Then I waited for her to wake up before I began. I stripped her clothes off her at that point and then I fucked her while she cried,” He’s smiling at you and you’re doing all you can to keep your expression neutral. “I took out the knife and started carving her up. You should have heard her beg. And then, when that’s all finished, I strangled her while I came inside her.” He leans over the table to get closer to you, and it takes everything in you not to move away, “Have you ever watched the light leave someone’s eyes, sweetheart?”

You calmly scoot your chair back and stand, buttoning your shirt back up and then resting your hand on your gun, reminding him of who you really are, “Thank you, Jordan. You’ve been incredibly helpful in this investigation.” And then turn to leave ignoring the way he calls after you.

When you exit the room, Aaron and Dave are both waiting for you and you sit down, exhausted, resting your head in your hands.

“Nice work, kid.” Dave says with a squeeze on your shoulder, and then he’s gone.

Then, there’s another touch on your back, more gentle and hesitant. You look up to see Aaron watching you, concern masking his face, “I’m fine, Hotch.” You say, shrugging him off.

His hand drops and you immediately regret it. “When you were taken those months ago, by that unsub…” His words are slow, as if making sure this is what he really wants to say to you. You know exactly what he’s going to say before he says it, “He raped you, didn’t he?” Your eyes snap up to meet his. “You would never tell us what actually happened, all those hours he had you, a sexual sadist.” He shakes his head, “There’s no way he would’ve been able to control himself.”

You shake your head just lightly, “I can’t do this now, Aaron.”

“Then when?” He’s frustrated now, borderline angry, “You lied at your psych eval, you said nothing happened, we let you come back after just a couple of weeks--”

“And I’m doing just fine, aren’t I?” You stand so you’re nearly eye level with him.

“You think I didn’t notice the way you almost fell apart in there?”

“But I didn’t. I finished it and I did a damn good job and you know it.”

Hotch erases all traces of emotion from his face as he stares you down, “You’re suspended for two weeks, effective immediately. Hand over your badge and gun, agent.”

You nearly stumble back from him as if you’ve been hit, “Aaron?”

“What’s going on?” Prentiss has entered the room now followed by the rest of the team, all watching with confused and worried expressions.

“You heard me.” Hotch says, never taking his eyes off you. You make no moves to take out your badge or gun, “Now, agent.” There’s bite to his words this time.

You feel humiliated. With the whole team watching, you place your gun and badge on the table and brush by Aaron without a second glance. Pushing past the team, even Spencer who reaches for you.

“What the hell was that, Hotch?” Derek says once you’ve left.

“She lied in order to pass her psych eval. I did what I had to do.” Everyone’s staring at him, but he walks by, seemingly unphased, “Good work, everyone. Get some rest, we go home tomorrow at first light.”

[whosscruffylooking]

Instinct Part Two: Interrogations and Intrigue (Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader)

A/N: I'm super excited for this part. Spencer and Reader’s relationship finally has some foundation!

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings! Mentions of suicide and manipulation. 

(Reader’s POV)

I tap my foot anxiously as I peer around the bland and intimidating interrogation room. It looks like something out of a mental asylum in a 1980's horror movie. They want me frightened? They got me.

Count Dracula barges in abruptly and sits opposite from me. I wince at the sound of the metal chair scraping against the cement floor.

“My name is SSA Aaron Hotchner. I'd like to take a moment to get your description of the man who broke into your apartment," he shows no emotion.

I nod, "Well, he had his hood up and a bandana on, but from what I could tell, he had green eyes...maybe blue...or hazel. I'm sorry, I'm not a hundred percent sure. He was just a little bit taller than me, so maybe 5'8 or 9. He climbed out of my window, so clearly, he's at least slightly athletic. He disguised his voice; he made it sound almost like Batman."

He writes down some notes. A statement that the other agent presented to me at the crime scene puzzles me. I decide to inquire for myself.

"The other agent..." "Dr. Reid?" "No, Emma? Emily?" "Yes, Agent Prentiss." "Yes, her. She told me at the ambulance that I might be the key to solving this. What did she mean by that? This wasn't just a one-off robbery? How could it involve me?"

He purses his lips, obviously pondering the right response, "What do you know of the Nomad Boys?"

My heart rate rises, but I promptly disguise my anxiety. "You get straight to the point, don't you," I quip, "I know that they used to operate about a block from my old neighborhood growing up. A lot of people have lost their lives because of them. Both figuratively and literally."

"Are you aware of your brother's involvement with them?" Agent Hotchner examines me.

I gasp. What kind of game is he playing here? I shift uneasily in my seat, "Excuse me?"

"We have significant evidence that your brother Jeremy was involved with the Nomad Boys from 2015 until his death."

I slam my fist on the table, "How dare you. How dare you bring my brother up and implicate him in illegal activities that he had no part in. Is this what you people do? You're so desperate to close a case that you can't admit defeat in then you pin it on people who aren't even here to defend themselves?"

"You seem relatively defensive yourself. Care to explain why?" The emotionless man taunts.

"Two hours ago, I was the victim of a failed robbery, and now I'm being interrogated by the feds about my dead brother? Is that not a good enough reason to get defensive?" I clamor back. 

Tears sting my eyes and threaten to spill over as I dig my fingernails into the palm of my hand, trying frantically to suppress my growing rage. He watches me like a predator to its prey. The sound of my rapid heartbeat muffles my hearing. I can feel my skin heat up with anger. I stare right back, eager to display my disdain for his treatment.

"If you'd excuse me," he gathers his files and leaves the room. I exhale shakily and hastily wipe the stray tears from my eyes, desperate to gain my composure.

(Spencer's POV)

Hotch exits the interrogation room and clutches my shoulder, "You're up. She knows more than she's letting on, even if she doesn't realize it. She will feel more comfortable with you." "Hotch...I-I feel like maybe Emily or Morgan should go in. Not me." "Why?" He glares at me. I swallow the lump in my throat. 

I have a job to do.

"Forget about it," I say, stepping past him into the dimly lit room. She looks up at me with pleading eyes, silently begging me not to put her through what Hotch did. I sit across from her, noticing her obsessive picking at the skin of her fingers. Her knee bounces and lightly taps against the underside of the table.

She takes a deep breath and breaks the stillness, "Whatever it is they are thinking, it's not true. None of it is true. They're wrong." 

"Y/N, I appreciate your willingness to cooperate and come back to the precinct with us and sit in here to be interviewed." 

She throws her head back and laughs, "My willingness to cooperate?Interviewed? You mean interrogated, right?"

"I know this must feel like an ambush," I say, and she jeers, "but I promise if you just hear us out, the sooner we can rule you and your brother out of this." 

She sits up, eyes wide, her posture defensive, "You just said my brother and me. Am I a suspect too? For god's sake, I don't even know what we are suspected of! Do you think I'm apart of the Nomad Boys too?" 

Strike one, Spencer. Don't screw up again.

"I didn't mean it like that, y/n." 

"But you said it," she crosses her arms.

"I need to ask you some questions about your brother's death." 

"I'm going to be sick. Screw you, Dr. Reid." 

I can't manipulate her. I don't want to. I can't use months of researching her to achieve our agenda. 

It doesn't feel right. Why doesn't it feel right? 

But for the efficiency and success of this case, it's required.

"Every day, you wake up in fear of the nightmares that haunt you each night. You live with the images of your brother engrained in your mind. The patterns he used to follow every day have now been adopted by you, most likely in an attempt to keep his spirit alive somehow. You are constantly looking over your shoulder because, still to this day, aspects of his death leave you unsettled and uncertain. You opened the door today because you were under the impression that the person on the other side would be able to offer you insight into your brother's death. He couldn't because he had another agenda, but I can. I can give you that insight; I just need you to work with me." 

I watch as she struggles to fight the pain that comes from masking her fear. I got to her. 

Why do I feel so guilty? 

Her lip trembles as she begins to speak, "I know he didn't kill himself. That's all." "What makes you so sure?"

She releases a sob and then grapples with composing herself, "B-because he loved his family. He loved life. His girlfriend was pregnant; he was going to be a father. What kind of man who was so family-oriented and had such a bright future ahead of him would do that to himself, to his future child?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize he had a child." "Aren't you guys supposed to know stuff like that? Shouldn't you come in here armed and ready with any ammunition needed to break me down?" She cocks her head. "We do. We try to find out all vital information on our suspects and those connected with them." "That's how you know that I follow the same routine as my brother? Have you been watching me?"

I can feel a bead of sweat drip down the back of my neck; I reach my hand around to pat it off and to buy myself time to come up with a sufficient answer. She chuckles, "You don't have to answer that. I've seen you and Count Dracula in there tailing me."

My heart stops, and I swallow unexpectedly, slightly choking in the process. "For professionals, you sure don't take into consideration the fact that most people are suspicious of black SUVs now...mainly because of tv shows. Black Suburbans with tinted windows are either law enforcement or a celebrity. And judging by the fact that no celebrity would ever willingly set foot in my town, I was quickly able to determine which I was looking at every Monday and Friday from 10am to 5:30pm. You should really try getting some red cars, maybe blue, just try and blend in a bit." 

"Actually," I begin falling back on my knowledge as a way to diffuse the situation, "Any vehicle, when suitably modified, can be utilized as a police vehicle, but the most prevalent are those produced or altered by manufacturers for the role of being a police vehicle."

"Validation and dissemination: am I making you uncomfortable, Dr. Reid?" She raises her eyebrow. I adamantly shake my head, "Not at all. I was merely dissecting your point and proving it to be a failed tactic to intimidate me."

She looks at me keenly, but not in the way she had looked at Hotch. No, she peers at me as if striving to convey a message, an offer to be her ally. While locked into her gaze, I can't help but study her. Contrary to all of the times we followed her, hidden within the shelter of our car, I can now learn her up close. She is attractive in a flawed, approachable way. Her vulnerability camouflages a might that even she doesn't perceive exists.

(Reader's POV)

I study him thoroughly. He baffles me. A man in the station he is, maintaining the job he has, and bearing the weight of both victims and perpetrators on his shoulders, should be coarse, bitter, emotionless, much like the first agent who grilled me. Yet, here he is, eyes lighting up when he starts to spout off facts. His nervous ticks overflow, making it seem like he is incapable of withholding the truth of what this job does to him. He doesn't want to put me in this position. He's not like the standard brute that treats this job, and it's prey as if they are nothing but a bridge to walk over to get appreciation and approval.

"I want to help you," he proposes in a hushed tone.

"I know," I whisper, easing back in my seat. 

Unexpectedly, he offers me a wink and then stands from his chair. Stepping over to the door, he clasps the doorknob but delays for a moment. I look at him in anticipation. Looking back at me, he declares, "I'm going to get you answers. I promise you that." And with that, he's disappeared behind the two-way glass. A feeling of being left alone in an alternate universe overwhelms me. 

Spencer is somewhere out there on the side of the good guys, his reputation untainted, with the certainty that he will be going home tonight. I, on the other hand, have lived in uncertainty since my brother died. Here I sit, on the side of the glass that is riddled with darkness and evil. Spencer lives in a world of heroes. But I have been subjected to the world of criminals. I have a feeling, though, that I won't have to navigate it alone. 

Tag list:

@mcntsee

[nerdygaymormon]

I found this article by Nathan Kitchen, president of Affirmation, to be very compelling. 

He identifies 4 generations of gay Mormons that have existed over the past 70 years. Until about 10 or 15 years ago, the Church viewed all LGBT members as having some sort of homosexual feelings that confused gender roles. Consequently, the discussion of generations is going to focus on the treatment of gay members.  

The differences in the generations comes from the Church changing what it asks of the gay member and how it manages the existence of this group in the Church. When current practices are no longer considered acceptable to parents and others, the Church changes, thus creating the next generation. 

Each generation has a different experience with the Church’s prejudice, harassment, and discrimination. 

Nathan doesn’t identify years for each generation, and there aren’t clean breaks between one generation and the next, they bleed into each other, but I’ll put my rough estimate for each generation.

————————————————————

1st Generation (1950~1980) - The Church believed anyone could develop gay feelings and attractions, these were sinful and Church required complete rejection of these attractions. Failure to completely erase these feelings was grounds for discipline and expulsion. The church schools and most LDS families would also eject the queer person from their midst, they feared the spread of these attractions to others. Attempts to remove these “tendencies” included electro-shock therapy at BYU. Spencer W. Kimball’s book the Miracle of Forgiveness dominated Church thinking on queer topics in the era.

This is the generation that spans the most decades and consequently is the largest generation of queer Saints. This generation was taught their attractions could change if they wanted it bad enough. The violence and hostility against these individuals caused a great deal of trauma and many perished. After breaking these people, the Church washed its hands of them by ejecting them from membership, therefore removing the need to deal with the consequences of its actions in those lives.

2nd Generation (1980~2000) - Rather than insist on complete erasure of homosexual feelings (the church thought all queer identities came down to homosexuality), it employed the idea of secrecy and to act like heterosexuals. This is the invisible generation because their bishops told them to never tell anyone else. This group felt isolated and alone, hidden from other members and each other. This invisibility allowed other members to believe there were no gay people in the Church, certainly not in their congregation. This generation was encouraged to enter mixed-orientation marriages, have kids and live like a straight person and everything would be alright. If it didn’t work out, then you weren’t strong enough.

These members served in Young Women’s, as bishops, Relief Society presidencies, on the High Council, and so on. Some of them still exist in the Church, hidden from everyone because the cost of coming out is so high and the shame they have about their attractions (the Church didn’t distinguish much between feelings and actions, so these people feel bad for things they’ve never done). Every so often, we’ll hear about a former mission president or stake president who finally comes out after decades of living as a straight person.

Most of the mixed-orientation marriages failed, the queer person eventually spoke their truth, picked up the pieces of their shattered dreams, and moved on. When it became clear that a straight marriage with a straight spouse didn’t fix them, the Church moved on, usually offering support to the divorced straight spouse and rejecting the queer spouse. 

3rd Generation (2000~2015) - The Church decided gay thoughts aren’t a problem, but gay actions are. The Church encouraged people to use the term “same-sex attraction (SSA)” as a way to avoid queer identities that’s don’t fit in the Church’s view of God’s Plan. Basically, we’re all straight people and some of us are struggling with unwanted attractions. SSA was compared to addictions. Queer people no longer had to remain hidden, so they found each other and attended conferences together and encouraged each other. Members would admire you for your wrestle against SSA.

Being unable to ‘overcome’ their SSA was distressing. Although the Church no longer officially endorsed mixed-orientation marriages, many local leaders still encouraged these but with full disclosure to the straight spouse, even though these couples don’t really understand what they’re signing up for. Many queer people turned to conversion therapy to change (usually not knowing there was no evidence these programs worked or were even based in proven techniques or methods, and resulted in higher suicide rates & mental health issues). 

Because they were trying to make this path work and were admired for it, these queer members mostly didn’t share their struggles & mental health challenges with their family, friends, or other members. Unlike the 2nd generation, they were visible, but largely were kept silent. A generation seen but not heard. 

4th Generation (2015~present) - Instead of being required to change their orientation, or keep it secret, or to nobly struggle against their inner core, today’s generation is told it’s okay to identify as gay, lesbian and bisexual. There’s nothing wrong with your attractions. We want you at church, there’s a place for you here. You belong. We celebrate you by sharing videos and publishing books about single, celibate members who are gay and bi. We reject conversion therapy, no violence, no denying identities, no encouraging mixed-orientation marriages. We celebrate you...as long as you are single & celibate. 

We have many gay couples who think they’re loved enough and belong enough that they attend church together, they sit together, they’re dating and things seem okay. Once they marry, the swiftness & ferocity with which their leaders take action against them is stunning. The couple finds the warm, fuzzy messages of belonging actually hide a structure that’s still as prejudiced and discriminatory as the past. What is their place in the Church...they’re allowed to attend as visitors.

This approach held onto a lot of families, but increasingly it’s not enough. As the queer child grows up and becomes interested in love and relationships, church no longer works. And if church is not welcoming and affirming of their queer child, more and more entire families exit with them. Generation Z grew up with queer friends and many cite the Church’s treatment of LGBTQIA+ people as a reason they are leaving the Church.

————————————————————

As society changes and becomes more accepting, the Church has to change how it treats its queer members. What was acceptable in the 1970′s is now looked at with horror and revulsion. Today’s parents would never subject their child to electrical shocks or induced nausea, how barbaric.

The changes the Church has made is in how it treats the gay member, not in how it views them nor in what it preaches about them. They’re still absent from God’s Plan, or as I prefer to put it, absent from the Church’s version of God’s Plan. Because the Church has not substantially changed how it views queer people, it’s going to continue to find how it treats queer people will fail. 

The Church treats queer members far better than it did in the past, but until it actually embraces queer members, listens to their voices and what they want, the Church will adjust, and adjust again. Not hating us is not enough, the Church must learn to love us. 

[briefinquiries]

Luke Alvez x Reader: Seeing Red

Request: “Can I request an imagine where Luke is jealous of someone the reader is interacting with? Thank you :)”

Tagged: @ssaic-jareau​ , @alvezstan​ , @saintd0lce​ , @ogmilkis​, @reidswords​ , @ssa-morgan​ , @garcias-batcave​ ,  @akimagies​, @zhangyixingxing1​ , @pinkdiamond1016​

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: none

A/N: kjsdkljfa sweet baby luke being all insecure made me so soft, i luv him sm. pls come talk to me about luke.. ok enjoy!

You had been doing it all day. Maybe not intentionally, but enough for Luke to notice. Luke wasn’t the jealous type.  He was secure, and he felt confident in his relationship with you.  Jealousy was stupid, and Luke wasn’t stupid.  So why was he noticing the way you and the deputy of the Austin field office naturally interacted with each other with such ease?

Luke had a case file in hand.  It was pertinent that he remain focused on his assigned task.  And he tried, he really did.  He was reviewing victimology, reading up on what the Austin PD had on each of their missing women.  Or at least attempting to.  

But when the deputy made a joke and reached out to touch your arm for added effect, Luke started seeing red. 

He had to read the page four times before comprehending any of it. 

Throughout the remainder of the team’s time in Austin, Luke tried to remain level headed.  He kept reassuring himself that he was overreacting.  This wasn’t flirting.  

Emily had sent you to go with him to visit the latest crime scene upon your arrival, so he was probably just trying to be friendly- make you feel welcome.  

But did he really have to look at you like that while you delivered the profile?  Or request that you take a ride to the latest victim’s apartment with him?  And did he really have to have you doubled over laughing over something he’s said at the back table? 

Luke’s biting back the urge to cross the room and wrap his arms around you, right in front of the deputy who was simultaneously doubling as an apparent comedian.  Maybe if he pulled you in for a long kiss, it’d get this joker to back off, as he claimed you as his.

But Luke shook the thought away.  He was definitely overreacting. 

…

Luke drops a coffee cup in front of you early the next morning.  The team was still working the case in Austin, and with no new leads, it seemed likely that you’d be here for a while.  You’re hunched over a pile of paperwork, a piece of banana bread in your hand.  

Luke watches as you flash him an appreciative smile.  “Thanks, but I’ve already had some today.  Why don’t you give this to Tara?  She takes her coffee the same as I do.”

But Luke frowns.  “When did you have time to get coffee?” he asks, already knowing that you’d been in the precinct all night. 

Without even looking up from the file in front of you, you reply, “I didn’t, Henry brought me one, and this bread.  You gotta try some, it’s his grandma’s recipe-”

Luke’s jaw drops.  A gesture you don’t notice, because you’re too busy focusing on banana bread.  What you do notice, is the way he scoffs lightly.  It makes your head turn. 

By the time you look up, Luke’s already standing up.  He grabs the coffee off from the table harshly, and without a word, drops the full cup in the trash can before exiting the room. 

…

He wasn’t angry.

At least not at you.  

You and Luke had a solid relationship.  He trusted you and that was all there was to it. Whether it was Henry, or another coworker, or any of your male friends, or whoever-  Luke wasn’t worried and you never gave him a reason to be.

But Luke didn’t like the way seeing you with the deputy made him feel.  Like at any moment, you could leave him for someone with dirty blonde hair and fair skin and biceps bigger than his.  It made him feel vulnerable, like he had something to lose- because he had everything to lose. 

…

The team spends six grueling days in Austin before catching the Unsub responsible for kidnapping and murdering 3 women.  

Luke had been avoiding you for the vast majority of the week.  He’d work late hours, leave the room when you entered, never meet your gaze.  It was more for his own sanity than anything.  This sudden realization that you could do better, and honestly deserved better than him, was all consuming.  It made focusing on the case incredibly difficult. 

Luke’s gathering his remaining items from the precinct, the jet waiting for him and the rest of the team, when he hears it.  

Luke looks up from the table to see the deputy approaching you.  He’s too far away to hear what he’s saying, but not so far so that he doesn’t see the folded note that he passes you. 

In an instant, Luke’s entire face falls.  He felt like screaming. 

On the jet ride home, Luke sits between Emily and Matt, which was unusual.  Typically, the two of you spent rides home together.  

He was dreading the car ride home from the BAU.  That would be the first time the two of you would be alone since the coffee incident.  He may have been a little dramatic, without meaning to.  Luke didn’t want to be the jealous boyfriend.  Jealousy was unfair and manipulative and gross.  But the idea of another guy buying you coffee, or making you laugh, or giving you his phone number on a folded up piece of paper, made his stomach churn.  The truth was, he didn’t want to lose you. 

But Luke didn’t know how to say that to you without coming across as a total lunatic.  

He’d have to figure it out before landing at the BAU. 

…

You don’t want to cause a scene on the jet.  But the minute you and Luke are alone at the BAU office together, you corner him strategically at his desk. 

“What the hell?” is all you can manage to blurt out.  You’re fuming and on the verge tears, Luke’s silent treatment was just about pushing you to the edge.  You’d spent the past week focused more on why Luke was suddenly so mad at you than you on the actual case.  

There’s a long pause, Luke refusing to meet your gaze. 

“Are you gonna tell me why you’ve been avoiding me all week?”

You’re met by silence.  

“You’re being childish. Are you really not gonna talk to me?”

Finally, Luke turns to you, and says slyly, “That deputy gave you his number, right?  Why don’t you call him?  I’m sure he’d love to talk.”

In an instant, a wave of understanding washes over you.  

“Are you- are you jealous of Henry?” you ask, unable to hide the hint of a smirk spreading across your face.  The idea of Luke being jealous of a deputy from Austin, Texas seemed absolutely ludacris.  It was so far fetched that it seemed perfectly reasonable to cross your arms and laugh at your fuming boyfriend.  

He rolls his eyes.  “No,” he scoffs.  

He knows you don’t believe him. 

There’s a brief pause before he sputters, “Maybe.”

The smirk on your face only grows bigger.  Luke grabs his bag off from his desk before pushing past you, muttering a quick, “So what?” on his way by. 

But you turn around and keep pace with him, looping your arm through his.  You’re pleased when he doesn’t pull away.  

“Baby,” you coo, a playful tone to your voice, you tug at his arm to stop him from walking any further.  “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Luke turns his body to face you, but his gaze doesn’t quite meet yours. 

“Because jealousy is stupid, and it’s for couples who don’t trust each other, and I trust you.” He pauses and bites his lip before whispering, “You know you could have anyone you wanted.”

You drop the smirk, because you realize Luke was actually bothered by this.  You squeeze his hand gently.  “What are you talking about?”

“Seeing you with that guy, seeing him gawk over you- it just made me realize that you can do so much better than me,”  Luke says quietly, because it’s true. 

You’re shaking your head before he even finished his sentence, because the idea of anyone ever being better than Luke was even more ludicrous than him being jealous in the first place.  

You reach into your pocket and pull out the note the deputy had given you just hours earlier.  Luke watches as you unfold the piece of paper. 

Luke quickly sees that it’s not a phone number. 

“It’s his grandma’s banana bread recipe,” you explain.  “I told him how much you liked banana bread, and that I wanted to make some for you, so he gave it to me..” your voice trails off.  “I talked about you a lot actually- but that’s not unusual.  I always talk about you a lot.”

You watch as the realization that washes over Luke quickly turns into embarrassment.  He fumbles with his words. 

“I-I uh.”

But you spare him.  “I want you, Luke.  And you are exactly what I need, okay?” 

Luke blinks as he watches you take a step closer to him. Your arms wrap around his waist, and you pull him so that you’re flush against his body.  Luke’s own arms wind around you as he looks down at you, his brown eyes glistening. 

“Banana bread, huh?” he muses.

You nod.  “Seems like you have quite the competition.”

He smirks, “Man versus yeast.”

You roll your eyes and plead, "Will you just shut up and kiss me?" 

Luke leans in, pressing his lips to yours, slow and steady, tasting and feeling every crack and every inch of those lips that you haven’t kissed for days. 

[anthony-sharma]

Fic Rec List - One-shots

For some one-shot recommendations, please find below my personal favorites so far!

Headcanons and blurbs

Two-part stories and multi-chapter stories

One-shot (short stories)

Criminal Minds

One-shots

@spacedikut

lockdown lovers

starstruck

words that wound

everything happens for a reason

dating, but not dating

fun fun arcade

exchanging gifts

the blessing of a blizzard

how to ask a girl out

my all

caught on tape

@idmakeitbehave

Revelations in Reverse

The Constant

Without Words

Just a Feeling

Softer Now

What You’re Worth

I Think You Know

Cracked Perfection

Almost (And Then)

You’ve Got Mail

Expectations vs. Reality

False Claims & Nicknames

A Little Necessary Meddling

Must Love Books

@poguesofthebau

private display of affection

ssa silent treatment

@reidamancy

eros & thanatos

@hercleverboy

dinner dates and twilight books

@literaila

hand me the heartbreak

the art of knowing

@reidswritings

lay me gently

even after all these years

@reidscanehand

An Adverb Meaning Forever

It Would Take a Lifetime

The Genuine Article

Profile Me

Ungentlemanly

The Very Essence of Love

Yours, Mine & Ours

The Boss Man

She’s Gonna Save Me

Be Still My Foolish Heart

A Secret’s Worth

Dearest Reader

Politics of Lonely

Quite the False Pretense

@imagining-in-the-margins

Fever Dream

@erin-bo-berin

Baby Shoes

Cupid

@halloweenhoneylover

the struggle bus

serendipity

the window

@homoose

Atlas

Weird is Good

Happy Birthday, Genius

Through the Smoke

@ssajj

Experience

@criminalmindzjunkie

Unlucky in Love

Love Sick

@reid-fiction

A Progression of Touch

@mxchellesworld

Dreams and Chess Pieces

@brywrites

Gifted

@benedictscanvas

found

@mercy-burning

Payback

Hangover Duty

I’ve Got You

Love Birds

@there-must-be-a-lock

Rain Check

@reidingmelodies

Finders Keepers

Homemade

@wheelsup

all signs point to yes

no plans

kissing lessons

@15-dogs

hey lover

@andromedasstarship

are you free tomorrow?

@cacoetheswriting

a saturday ritual

@ssa-m-187

Til the Very End

@winterscaptain

still a chance

@behindyourbarrette

night shift

@honeydjarin

what it means to grow

@honeypiehotchner

hard-headed

@ssahotchswife

Wish You Were Here

Life With You

Scoring Your Heart

@h0tch-r0cket

Lovebug

@reidslibrarybook

Give Up

@scuttling

Paper Rings

Lean On Me

@writer-in-theory

a fairytale in vegas

@unmitigatedsuperiority

The Contagious Optimism of Midnight on New Year’s

@boldlyvoid

Better Man

@radiant-reid

Baby Reid

@svu-ncis-criminalminds

5 times it wasn’t a date and 1 time it was

@ptersparkers

good for him

reckless

Marvel Universe

@highdramas

The World’s a Little Blurry

@softlyspector

The Painter

Lettered

Teddy Bear

valentine

One in a trillion

@kashimos-hajime

foxglove

@wkemeup

Little Lion Man

The Only Kindness

Purgatory

In Every Lifetime

@divine-mistake

you fracture light again

@gogolucky13

Don’t Fear the Reaper

@allyouneedisbuck

the warmth of your love

be still my foolish heart (don’t ruin this on me)

@nightowlwriting

Tell Me Which One is Worse (Living or Dying First)

@loving-bucky-is-easier

black coffee

in the right hands

@phantomspiderr

Just Like His Dad

@pellucid-constellations

Five Moments In Time

counting

@revengingbarnes

Wolf, Partner, Gloves...

Dog Tags

Flower Theft

@majestyeverlasting

What Happens in the Dark

Right Where You Are

@avecra

Christmas Blues

@angrythingstarlight

Don’t Give Up on Me

@lilacletter

listen to me, not just my words

@aries-writingblog

Protect the Pack

@bucksangel

the spark

@delaber

The Key Jangle

@buckets-and-trees

Into Cursed Pixie Dust

@rosepetalsinwinter

Look At Me

@intrepidacious

almost believing

[hudsonespie]

Case Study: Criminalisation Of 87 Indian Seafarer In Indonesia, Rights Available But Denied

“If a ship is detained for operational issues, the issue should be settled with the shipping companies. Why should the seafarers suffer”?

The increasing risks and scapegoating of the seafarers are negatively impacting the willingness of them to work in the shipping industry. The frequent cases of criminalization of seafarers upon a maritime incident are affecting them and hampering the image of the industry.

Despite several Laws and Guidelines made by the different organizations for the fair treatment of these seafarers to preserve their Human Rights still in most of the cases we see them being deprived of their rights.

Below we will discuss a case where 87 Indian seafarers on different Indian Vessels were arrested for about 6 months by the Indonesian Government.

Representative image. Image Credits: Chan Min Thet | seafarerswelfare.org

Case Study

Eighty-seven Indian sailors were stuck and suffered hardships on five ships that were detained by Indonesia for “illegal anchoring” in February 2019.

There were 20 Indians on MV Win-Win, which was detained on February 17.

On MT Afra Oak, which was detained on February 12, there were 21 Indian nationals, and another 23 Indians were on MT SG Pegasus detained on February 9.

MT Bliss had 2 Indians, while on MT Agros, detained on February 8, there were 21 Indians.

The sailors were from pan Indian states. The seafarers had their documents ceased and were not allowed to return to India.

Indonesia claims the Straits to be their territory on the dates on which the above-mentioned vessels were arrested. There is a dispute over the said territorial waters between Indonesia, Singapore, and Malaysia which made the release of the ships even more difficult.

On February 19, the Standard Club, a specialist marine and energy insurer issued a web alert on ship detention in the strait. It pointed out the industry advisory issued by the Singapore Shipping Association (SSA) and highlighted several cases where ships anchored in waters around the island of Batam (on the southern side of the strait) and near Bintan (on the eastern side of the strait) were being detained by Indonesian authorities as part of their effort to “combat smuggling”.

MT SG Pegasus dropped its anchor in the outer port limit of Singapore on February 8. It queued up to load cargo and sail out to Australia, which for the past five years the ship has been doing the same thing.

On February 9, 2019, the Indonesian navy took control of the vessel alleging it was anchored in Indonesian waters. The soldiers escorted the ship to Batam port. Two days later, the navy boat circled MT Win-Win six times and entered the ship.

They gave the reason for the arrest that it was in the territorial waters of Indonesia. But on the British Admiralty chart, used for sailing, the place was marked as international waters. The Indonesian naval officers took the ship at gunpoint and brought it to Batam.

The Seafarers in an interview revealed that there were five vessels that were let off after they “managed” the navy officers. It was told by one of the seafarers that they were asked to pay $250 to lower their lifeboat.

The conditions of the seafarers had been degrading and the vessel was used as a floating prison for them. A third officer from Kerala stranded on MT Bliss pleaded that he be allowed to return as his father had passed away on April 9. He also added that his wife was pregnant and the due date was in the first week of June. His mother was also unwell. They had medical emergencies and needed treatment. He was denied.

Rights available but Denied-

After studying the case it can be said that many rights are available to the seafarers but denied by the arresting authorities. There are various rights and guidelines issued by the IMO 2006 Guidelines; UNCLOS (Art. 27, 217, 220, 223,226, 231, etc; European Convention on Human Rights; International Transport Workers Federation (ITF) etc.

These must be followed at any cost to preserve the Human Rights of the seafarers upon arrest.

Concerning the above case, we shall now discuss the following rights which were available to the seafarers which were denied.

Deprivation of contact to the family-

They were not allowed to meet their families, and they couldn’t see any signs of returning.

The IMO Guidelines on fair treatment of seafarers in the event of a maritime accident (hereby the IMO Guideline) gives the seafarers the right to contact their family members upon arrest. It states “The arresting state must make arrangements to ensure that all seafarers detained are provided with the means to communicate privately with all of the following parties: – family members; – welfare organizations; – the shipowner; – trade unions; – the Embassy or Consulate of the flag State and their country of residence or nationality; and – legal representatives.

Denial of legal assistance-

The seafarers informed that they didn’t get proper legal assistance from the port state. They were denied the independent legal assistance to represent them in the court.

The IMO Guidelines state “ the port state must ensure that seafarers are, where necessary, provided interpretation services, and are advised of their right to independent legal advice, are provided access to independent legal advice, are advised of their right not to incriminate themselves and their right to remain silent, and, in the case of seafarers who have been taken into custody, ensure that independent legal advice is provided;

Denial of proper medical facilities-

One seafarer complained of having dental issues which made him impossible to eat solid food. Another seafarer told that he has been diagnosed with uncontrolled diabetes and needs to get treated but both of them were not granted proper medical facilities and were not permitted to repatriate to their home country.

The IMO Guidelines states that the seafarer must be at all costs taken care of his medical conditions and must be provided with the treatment.

Denial of enough food and water facilities-

The seafarers complained that they didn’t get a proper living condition on the detained vessel. The IMO Guidelines state that on every condition the arresting state must take care of the food, water, and other necessities of the seafarers.

Denial to contact the home state-

The seafarers told that they couldn’t establish a proper communication channel with the home state for help and receive the guidance and updates on their case. They were left alone in a dilemma and wonder about the progress of their case waiting at the vessel for an unknown amount of time.

The IMO Guidelines state that “the home state The seafarer State should: cooperate and communicate with all substantially interested States, shipowners, and seafarers, and take steps to provide seafarers’ representative organizations with access to seafarers.

Unethical way of conducting the investigation-

It was reported by one of the seafarers that the navy officers were doing corruption and charging money for the boat to be released. They allowed ships to go away whose owners paid the amount asked by the navy officers which amounted to an unethical method of conducting an investigation.

This act of the officers of the port state was unethical, immoral, and against the IMO Guideline. It states “The port or coastal State should: take steps so that any investigation they conduct to determine the cause of a maritime accident that occurs within their jurisdiction is conducted fairly and expeditiously.

Lack of transparency on case proceeding- One of the arrested seafarers told that they didn’t know when the courts will consider their case. The navy did not even file a case in connection with the detention of MT Win-Win and Afra Oak. They said that in their 25 years’ experience as a seafarer, they never had a ship been detained by the government for so long.

The IMO Guideline states that “ the costal/arresting state must ensure that seafarers are, where necessary, provided interpretation services, and are advised of their right to independent legal advice, are provided access to independent legal advice, are advised of their right not to incriminate themselves and their right to remain silent, and, in the case of seafarers who have been taken into custody, ensure that independent legal advice is provided.

Conclusion

Seafarers are the backbone of the global supply chain. It is the duty of each of the players involved in the industry to formulate enough assistance so that in such cases they do not feel alone.

The industry needs to win back the trust of the seafarers and increase their willingness to work for the industry. This will happen only if we create an environment such that it provides the seafarer confidence and trust that upon any maritime incident they would not be treated as a criminal.

The countries must strictly follow the guidelines on the fair treatment of the seafarer to improve the present condition.

The views expressed by:

Rishabh Srivastava, 4th Year Law Student, Ramaiah Institute of Legal Studies Bangalore. Adv. Rahul Varma (Ex Master Mariner), Founder Ally Maritime And Legal Services.

References

thenewsminute.com timesofindia.indiatimes.com newindianexpress.com www.imo.org

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[poguesofthebau]

sneak peek of what i’m working on rn hehe

[poguesofthebau]

aaaaaaandddddd ssa silent treatment bonus!! here’s my initial draft where i wrote an idea for this one quick, which resulted in the character detective beefhead bc that’s what my sleepy brain came up with :)

[poguesofthebau]

y’all will sadly not be getting ssa silent treatment tonight bc i am hanging out w and smoking weed w my friends but i’m hoping to have it up tomorrow night :)

[poguesofthebau]

just have to proof read ssa silent treatment before i can post!!!

YEE HAWWWWWW