#spoilers for the lego sets in the following tags

[lunar-wandering]

snakes. why did it have to be snakes.

(Season 5 Lego Set Spoilers!! bewareeeee)

Macaque has been freezing up, or bailing out, of their most recent fights against the latest villain threatening the world.

Word Count: 2k

Read on Ao3

Wukong wasn’t really paying much attention, at first.

He was leading the charge, the others walking behind him, Macaque trailing along at the very back of the group, as he seemed to like to do. Whether that was him keeping his distance from Wukong in general, because he didn’t want to be in a leading position, or because of some other innane reason, Wukong didn’t know, and didn’t particularly care. It didn’t matter to him.

Mei was ranting about their newest villain of the week. At the same time, Macaque had started snarkingly chiming in from his position at the back- saying something cocky for sure. …Probably. Wukong had honestly stopped paying attention the second he had heard the tone of voice the other was using, he’d heard it directed at himself often enough to know that nothing that was about to leave the other’s mouth was something of value. Despite Macaque’s interjection, Mei was continuing on, seemingly also ignoring him as she proceeded in her angry rant;

“-and his stupid snake hair too! Who does he think he is, Medusa?? The next time I see him I swear I’m gonna-”

Mei’s next threat was lost on Wukong’s ears, because he suddenly realized that Macaque had stopped talking. Old instincts of ‘If someone suddenly goes quiet, it is because they Have Been Kidnapped’ reactivating in his brain, Wukong took a quick glance backwards, just to ensure that there wasn’t a new problem being plopped onto his plate. And then he quickly did a double take, looking back again.

The others hadn’t noticed (outside from MK, who had raised an eye brow at Wukong’s actions and had also turned around to see what his mentor was looking at), but Macaque had seemingly frozen in place.

He was posed in a sassy way- the usual way he looked when he was speaking the same sort of cocky nonsense that he had been talking about earlier, but his mouth wasn’t moving, instead stuck in a slightly tense smirk. One of his eyes was closed, and the other very adamantly avoided eye contact as soon as Wukong initiated it. His left foot was lifted up midstep. Wukong couldn’t help but think that it must be fairly hard to keep himself balanced like that.

Wukong stopped walking. The others stopped too, looking at him in confusion, before following MK’s lead in glancing back at what the Monkey King was staring at.

“Uh.” Wukong said, “You alright?”

Macaque didn’t answer. MK walked over and poked him.

…And then poked him again.

Macaque unfroze, his step finally following through, his position readjusting to something that was probably supposed to be casual but instead ended up coming off as extremely forced.

“I’m fine,” He said, “Just… heard something.”

“Care to share with the rest of us?” Pigsy crossed his arms over his chest, looking unimpressed. Macaque gave a noncommittal shrug in response.

“Wasn’t that interesting.” He mumbled, “Look, can we just keep moving? We don’t have all day, y'know.”

With a hum, Wukong turned back around and started walking again. After a moment, he heard the others start moving as well. Still though, even as he chose to drop it for now, Wukong couldn’t help but silently note the incident in the back of his mind.

~

MK dodged under another swing intended to knock him straight into next Tuesday, trying his best to tune out the aggravating villainous laughter from his opponent. Seriously, this was getting insanely annoying. How many more times was he gonna have to fight this guy? Five more times? A dozen?

As the mere idea of fighting this guy even more times sunk into him, MK could sense his whole body glitch, his monkey tail briefly thrashing. MK winced, leaping back out of range to give himself a moment to breathe, settling himself down, before using the brief moment of reprieve to hit the side of the comm device on his ear.

“Hey, Macaque? Could really use a shadow portal out of here right now!”

There was no response. Actually, now that MK thought about it, he hadn’t seen Macaque since the moment this battle started.

As he did a backflip to avoid a hit to the face, he scanned the battlefield. Last he remembered, Macaque had been-

Oh you had to be fucking kidding.

In the last place where he had seen the Six Eared Macaque, there stood a shittily drawn cardboard cutout of that very shadow monkey in his place. How long had that been there?

…How hadn’t he noticed it?

Distracted by the sheer absurdity of what he was seeing, MK, unfortunately, forgot to pay attention to the person right in front of him, getting whacked in the chest and propelled into the side of the nearby rocky cliff-face. MK let out a wheezing breath as the wind got knocked out of him-

And suddenly he was falling backwards through solid rock, brief panic overtaking him before the purple tinge in his vision clued him in. Here was the shadow portal he had asked for, even if it was a little bit late.

He landed smack on his back in the inside of the truck, staring up at the ceiling.

After a second, MK rolled over, pushing himself up with a groan.

“Didn’t go well, I take it?”

MK looked up at the sound of Macaque’s voice, finding the shadow monkey sitting there in the passenger seat, his body slightly turned to look back at him. MK frowned at him, making it incredibly clear how displeased he was.

“Why did you bail out?” MK asked, “We could’ve used your help back there.”

“Eh, it seemed like you guys had it handled.” Macaque said, before wincing, one hand going up to his ear, where his comm rested. “Ugh, you guys sure do like to yell into these things…”

Before MK could even voice another protest, Macaque snapped his fingers- and suddenly MK was buried underneath the weight of his friends.

~

“Okay.” Wukong said, staring pointedly at the monkey sitting across from him at the campfire. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious that this is developing into a much more serious problem.”

He hadn’t realized it during that first incident, spaced out enough that he hadn’t truly noticed what had triggered Macaque’s reaction. But after MK’s recount, and after the five other times Macaque had suddenly froze up or bailed out on them, the issue had become rather obvious.

Macaque, for his part, seemed rather unbothered, sitting in the same relaxed position he’d been in before. Well, that is, except for his quick glance towards the rest of the group, who were huddled together in their sleeping bags. Macaque’s ear twitched, checking if they were all asleep, most likely. They were, of course. Wukong had ensured that, before he had begun this conversation.

After a moment, Macaque let out a long sigh.

“What problem?” He said, “I haven’t noticed any problem, other than your poor leadership skills.”

“One, ouch. I’m working on that.” Wukong held up a finger, and then held up another one, “Two. Speaking of working on things, you remember Spider Queen right?”

“Yeah. Kinda hard to forget that whole New Year’s. It was far louder than usual.”

Of course that’s what he remembered about it.

“Well,” Wukong continued, “MK… was scared of spiders. Still is, I think. Anyways, he worked through that, and he managed to fight her off just fine.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with me.” Oh, he absolutely knew exactly what it had to do with him, if the way he was sinking down in his foldable chair was any indication. If this wasn’t such a serious issue, Wukong would probably be smirking devilishly at him.

“I’m talking about your fear of snakes.” Ah, there was the more nervous reaction Wukong had been waiting on, Macaque’s fur bristling as he glanced over at the others again, before proceeding to stubbornly avoid eye contact with Wukong, who rolled his eyes. “It’s seriously starting to become a problem, man. MK was right, I don’t want to admit it, but we maybe could’ve used some of your help in that last battle.”

“You’re Sun Wukong, I’m sure you had things handled.”

“Aw, is that praise for me I hear? That’s rare coming from you.”

“Wh- no!” Macaque hissed, “Just- I could easily beat that guy, so clearly you- you probably handled yourself just fine.”

“Hm.” Wukong leaned forwards, resting his head on his hands. “And if you think you could ‘easily’ beat that dude, then why haven’t you?”

“Because I know you guys had it handled.”

“You can’t just keep using the same excuse over and over again.”

“Yes I can.” Stubborn, as usual, Macaque wasn’t the same guy who easily gave in to Wukong anymore. Wukong let out a breath, willing himself not to snap in frustration. That wouldn’t get either of them anywhere.

…That’s what Sandy had said at least.

“Look.” Wukong said, “I’m not going to bring it up to the others. But-”

“Are you about to blackmail me-”

“-if you keep bailing out on us-”

“-holy shit, you really are blackmailing me.”

“-I will stage an intervention. With everyone this time.” Wukong crossed his arms, “Trust me. They’re very effective.”

Macaque didn’t respond, other than a look of disbelief. Wukong at least expected him to respond with some comment about how Wukong must’ve experienced an intervention himself in order to know that, but instead the other monkey remained silent. After several moments passed, Wukong slowly raised an eyebrow.

“…Macaque?”

“The Monkey King is blackmailing me.”

Wukong let out a tired sigh worthy of his over a millenia of life.

~

“Alright, that’s it.”

MK looked up from where he had been watching Pigsy work on bandaging his arm just in time to see Wukong tackle Macaque to the ground. Macaque let out a screech as he went down, drawing the attention of the rest of the group as well.

“I tried to do this the nice way!” Wukong yelled, as he struggled to keep Macaque still, a feat made slightly difficult by how the other kept trying to turn into shadows. “But nooooo!! You just have to make things difficult! So guess what!”

“No!”

“That’s right, it’s intervention time!” Wukong seemed to finally get a good grip on Macaque, even though the other was clearly still struggling, he wasn’t getting anywhere anytime soon. “So, folks, I’m sure you’ve all been wondering-”

“Wukong, don’t-”

“-why has our little shadowy friend been bailing out of every fight?” Wukong ignored Macaque’s protests, instead turning to his audience. “Does anyone have any guesses?”

Truthfully, no. MK hadn’t even really given it that much thought. Bailing out on a fight purely for his own amusement had seemed like a Macaque move at the time… but the more Macaque struggled trying to get out of Wukong’s grip, and the more MK thought about the few times him and Macaque had actually been on the same side in a fight, the more that started to seem… inaccurate. Huh.

“No guesses? Huh. I thought at least one of you would’ve at least come up with something.” Wukong muttered, before continuing, “Well, the answer just happens to be that-”

“I cannot believe you’ve actually stooped to blackmail-”

“-Macaque here, is afraid of snakes.”

Dead silence. Macaque stopped struggling, instead pressing his face into the floor and remaining completely still. After a few seconds, Wukong got off of him, wrapping his tail around him as Macaque started to sink into the shadows of the floor, and lifted him up. Macaque stubbornly avoided eye contact with everybody.

“So.” Wukong said, gesturing at Macaque with his hands, “Any suggestions?”

Mei raised her hand, before seemingly remembering that she didn’t need to, and instead blurted out one simple statement;

“Blindfold.”

Wukong snapped his finger and pointed at her like she was a genius… for about a second, before he shook his head.

“We tried that way back when, but the noise they make creeps him out, so…” Wukong shrugged in a ‘what can ya do’ kind of way. Macaque used the fact that his legs were somewhat free to kick Wukong in the shin. Wukong himself didn’t even acknowledge it, though his eye twitched in a way that indicated he was ever so slightly annoyed. “Any other suggestions?”

Silence. Again.

…Something suddenly struck in the back of MK’s mind.

“…This might be crazy, but-” MK said, “Is it possible to put glamours on other people?”

~

Wukong watched with true sight as Macaque landed a solid kick into the Nine Headed Demon’s face, before letting out a sigh.

“…Could someone explain to me again why we chose to glamour him to look like me?”

MK skidded into place beside him, taking a brief break from battle.

“Something about wanting to punch your face overpowering his knowledge that underneath it is snakes.” He said. Wukong hummed.

“Remind me later when all of this is over to swap out his shampoo with blonde hair dye.”

“Will do.”

[winter-turtle]

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My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Could you maybe do a fic where Tony finds out about Peter and Mj without Peter telling him. Like maybe he walks in on them kissing or May just casually says “his girlfriend” or and Tony’s like “excuse me WHOS girlfriend?” Or something similar. Thanks!! 💜

It's finally here

The Birds and The Bees

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Peter’s internship was on Tuesday and Thursday. The weekends were optional, but the kid made a point to show up on either Saturday or Sunday. Tony looked forward to those days. They worked in the lab, figuring out all possible improvements to the spider suit or tinkered with some of Tony’s inventions, and if the kid wasn’t feeling up to anything, they’d simply order pizza and watch a movie.

That, however, began to change.

“Sorry, Mr. Stark. I won’t be able to make it this Thursday.”

“We have a big test on Monday, so we’ll be studying the whole weekend.”

“Decathlon practice got moved, can’t make it today.”

“I’m helping to move some furniture as Spider-Man tomorrow, don’t wait for me.”

Now, don’t get him wrong, the kid has cancelled a session here and there before. That’s why he hasn’t picked on anything suspicious the last few weeks. Life happened, Tony understood. Not everyone was a superhero billionaire able to cancel and reschedule things without repercussions.

The final nail in the coffin came in the form of Peter last-minute cancelling every single session these last two weeks.

There was only one possible explanation.

Peter was avoiding him.

The next Monday, Tony walked into a quiet coffee shop, heading straight for their – well, “their” – booth. May was already there, looking at the menu.

He slid into the seat opposite of her. “Hey, May.”

“Hey, Tony,” she greeted with a smile, setting the menu aside.

After the whole Homecoming disaster and the kid’s accidental identity reveal to his aunt – and the following yelling, tears and negotiations – Tony and May came to an agreement to meet once a month to discuss their spiderling. May would talk about Peter’s grades, and Tony about the internship and adjoined activities. If either of them found something unsatisfactory, they would push the kid into the right direction.

Peter not getting enough sleep or his grades slipping? Reduce patrol time. May worrying about his safety? Work on upgrading the suit.

 A form of co-parenting, you could say.

Sure, he could push the responsibility onto Pepper, but ultimately decided against it in fear for his own safety. She and May were in a different (terrifying) league, already got along too well, and with the kid having Pepper wrapped around his finger, Tony would be the one to receive the scolding even though it was Peter’s chemical reaction that covered the walls with extra sticky webs, Pepper, I swear it wasn’t my fault—

Anyway…

Placing their usual order for chocolate cappuccino and butter croissant for May and black coffee and blueberry muffin for himself, they went over their “checklist”. Grades were great, the kid was healthy, and his social life hasn’t suffered.

Usually, Tony would’ve already known that Peter aced the big chemistry exam or was helping Ned build a new Lego set. He could keep smiling and nodding along, pretending that everything was okay, but May’s threat of “ripping him a new one” if he kept something from her again made him reconsider.

“He’s avoiding me,” he admitted. “I have no idea what I did, but he’s avoiding me. Every time we are supposed to meet, he has some excuse.”

And then May laughed at him. Well, more like chuckled, but still.

“Don’t worry, he’s not ditching you or anything,” she said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “He’s just spending time with his girlfriend. You know how beginnings of relationships are. First, they can’t get enough of each other, and once the lovey-dovey stage passes, it’s more or less back to normal.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s good then.” Tony reached for his cup and took a long sip, tension bleeding from his shoulders. So, the kid hasn’t suddenly decided to ditch him. He was just being a teenager, doing teenager-y things and spending time with his—

Wait…

Tony spat out the coffee.

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69 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#4

count to seventeen and close your eyes

There was a picture of a baby with big brown eyes and curly brown hair. His chubby hand was shoving chocolate cake into his mouth, the puffy cheeks reminding Tony of a chipmunk. But why would anyone send him a picture of a baby?

That question was answered when he looked at the text below the picture.

Peter’s celebrating his first birthday

~

Or - seventeen instances of Peter's presence in Tony's life.

Word count: 8.5k

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One:

Tony’s phone pinged, the shrill sound feeling like a sledgehammer hitting his skull.

Groaning, he blindly felt for his phone. Damn hangover. Tony felt exactly zero desire to deal with whatever was sent to him right now, but Obie said he should be more responsible.

Ugh, where was that damn phone? He knew it was there somewhere… aha! Tony’s eye opened a smidge as his fingers closed around the device and pulled it to his face. What he didn’t account for was the brightness of the screen and his eye was immediately getting stabbed with what felt like a hundred pins.

“Shit,” he grumbled under his breath. Trying again, it took him a good ten seconds to realize what he was looking at.

There was a picture of a baby with big brown eyes and curly brown hair. His chubby hand was shoving chocolate cake into his mouth, the puffy cheeks reminding Tony of a chipmunk. But why would anyone send him a picture of a baby?

That question was answered when he looked at the text below the picture.

Peter’s celebrating his first birthday

Oh, right. That was from Mary and the baby in the picture was a result of their drunken one-night stand. Something had failed and… well, the result was there. Tony had no desire to be a father, but Mary assured him that she had a boyfriend who was willing to raise the baby as his own, since he couldn’t have his own because of some illness that killed the man’s brother.

So, a lucky accident.

The first and the last time (as he’d hoped) he’d seen the baby was when he’d been born. Tony hadn’t been there longer than five minutes – just long enough to give his congratulations. Mary had thanked him as she cuddled the ugly, wrinkly potato, her now-husband’s hand on her shoulder and a look of total adoration on his face.

Still, Tony couldn’t fathom why Mary sent him the picture. She’d said they didn’t want anything from him back then, that they had enough resources to raise him… maybe she thought of him as an awkward or proud man that didn’t know how to reach out and ask about the kid’s well-being, so she sent this?

Well, the baby obviously did well. They were obviously a big, happy family.

And with that, Tony switched off the phone, threw it back on the bedside table and buried his face into his pillow.

Two:

The chandeliers casted a soft glow over the room, adding to the already sophisticated vibe of the event. A quartet played somewhere in the corner as Tony gulped down another glass of champagne. A few more minutes and then he could ditch this event. He’s already found a company for the night.

Two couples passed him, the women gushing about wanting one of their own to their partners.

He glanced to the direction where the pairs came from to see a small group of people started to dissolve. For reasons unknown to him, it sparked Tony’s curiosity.

It’s gotta be something interesting if so many people are interested in it.

He still had time until his company returned, so why not check it out in the meantime?

The last couple of guests left just as Tony got there. A single woman remained at the table, her back facing him. And when she turned, Tony wished he would’ve never come here. The chatter and music faded into the background, feeling almost like an invisible barrier pulled them out of time and space.

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79 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

#3

Sad fact: Peter will never know that he is the reason Tony put so much effort in getting everyone back. The gauntlet he made, the ultimate sacriface...

302 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

#2

So... about the new No Way Home postcredit scene

Peter is still there unless his face is shown. Do you think Ned or MJ will look at that photo and go "Huh. I wonder who that is?" because there's some aching familiarity just beyond their reach? That some pictures have odd empty space that feels wrong?

I'm fine I'm okay don't touch me I'm fine-

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502 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Help me-

1,112 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[drollonamusicbox]

The Batman

If I’m being entirely honest, I didn’t used to give a shit about Batman.

Sure, I’d gladly turn on LEGO Batman for the kids and chuckle along with Will Arnett’s tax-avoidance jokes, but it was just another cartoon. Or perhaps I’d watch one of the Nolan Batman movies and hide my face during the spooky bits, while primarily investing for the popcorn and inevitable, choreographed-to-perfection-bad-guy-ass-kickings. It was just a franchise, just a movie, just a name. And then some psycho strangled a lady in front of me and my kids at the park.

I should explain.

Sunday evening, December 12th. We were at the park across the street from our home; my then-husband, me, our two daughters. My ex had the weekend off, and it was our last few hours together before we rinsed and repeated the week. We’d been at this park a hundred times before, and on evenings just like this. December in Tucson actually isn’t too infernal–it was about 75 degrees, and the sun was beginning to dip in the sky. I had just taken a picture of Elinor, then 11 months old, as she worked her hardest to evade us around the play structures. That was when I noticed the woman.

She was walking fast. Really fast, and she was wearing what looked like pajamas, but with a thin coat over the top. I noticed the boy. He was thin, and it looked as if he was struggling a bit to keep up with the woman’s (spoiler alert–it’s his mom) pace. There was something about the pair that kept pulling my focus as I was chasing my Houdini baby. It wasn’t until I saw the man that I became suspicious.

The mom had climbed up the nearest play structure with her son (a tad unusual for a child his age–he looked circa seven to eight years old), but it quickly became clear that her proximity to him was deliberate.

The man was tall. Taller than my ex (keeping in mind that at 5″1 literally everyone above my height looks tall), and bulky. He was white with a trimmed, red beard. He had a baseball cap on, and he was also walking quickly. He did not look pursued.

And that fucker immediately pissed me off because he was smoking. I know adults are gonna do what adults are gonna do, but I will _always_ be annoyed when folks smoke around kids/kid-designated-spaces. And I feel really good about that hill being one of my “Oh-no-no’s.”

He followed her up the play structure. That was weird. Even run-of-the-mill dudes/dads/male-adult-humans at the park don’t typically do that. What’s more, the kid might as well have been invisible–that man was up there to talk to her. He kept putting his hands on her, leaning in, whispering, and every time he did I saw her focus on her son, gently untangle herself from his hands, and move herself and her son deeper into the park.

At this point I tagged in my ex. I wanted him to see what I was seeing, and I told him that I didn’t think she was safe with that man. I told him I was going to follow at a distance and watch them because I was worried. We split at that point–I took the baby and he had Marlowe. Truthfully, I doubt he shared my concern initially. I even wondered if perhaps they were a couple having a Rough Partnership Day™. Maybe I was the one overreacting?

Alas.

I was not.

There are three primary play structures at this park: a slide structure, a climbing structure, and a merry-go-round. As I watched, the man followed the woman, repeating his possessive body language at each new structure, while she continued engaging only with her son and eventually extricating herself from his reach. The park wasn’t empty by any means–there were easily two dozen people around during this entire thing. But this man was…persistent.

The woman’s only visible belongings were a plastic water bottle and a small purse. There were already about ten people at the merry-go-round, and her son wanted to join them. She kept her purse on her shoulder, but set her (mostly empty) plastic water bottle down to help push the merry-go-round once her son was on. It was such a sweet, ordinary, normal-mom-and-kid-moment. He reacted by nimmediately and aggressively crushing her water bottle in one decisive step.

And he saw me see him do it.

I made eye contact with him after he crushed the bottle, and for a moment he looked sheepish. Maybe even embarrassed. He picked the it up, and dutifully put it in a nearby garbage can. But that Turd had Showed His Ass™, and I told myself I wasn’t going to be surprised when he did it again.

I was wrong though. He did surprise me.

He recovered quickly, and in spite of the multiple adults and children around, he began repeating his behavior from before–coming close to the woman, whispering angrily in her ear, hand around her shoulders before she’d excuse herself to spin the merry-go-round again. I was deeply concerned at this point. I had previously been trailing behind Elinor, but now I picked her up and moved closer. I was perhaps 6-8 feet away, and I decided now was the time for some awkward small talk . I said something like “isn’t it fun how this thing never gets old–I loved it as a kid and it’s still so fun!” I am known to make very awkward small talk when I’m uncomfortable. She responded though. Agreed with me, and even said, “you know–I might just climb on myself! I haven’t been on one of these in a long time.”

It was such an innocent movement–play with her child, almost as if she was a kid herself again. Onlg problem--as she sat down on the merry-go-round, facing inward toward her son, the man walked up behind her and started squeezing her neck.

It was like that scene in the Marvel movie with Quicksilver–I was moving, everything else in slow-motion. I saw the her face. Her tongue was sticking out of her mouth. I could hear her gasping and choking. I don’t remember walking. I don’t even remember the weight of Elinor in my arm. What I do remember is that I started hitting a fucking stranger at the park. And that wasn’t even the wildest thing about it.

The really mindblowing thing to me was that it didn’t work. At least not at first. I hit that man with my free hand (slapping him, really) on the only part of his body I could reach–his right arm. His tattoo sleeve on his bicep was red. I remember noticing it as I hit and hissed at him to “stop it…stop!”

After several seconds he finally did stop (my smacks must’ve finally registered), but he surprised me yet again. He let go of the woman, and then turned to me, flicking his eyes to my baby, when he leaned in and said with dead, icy eyes, “I didn’t do nothin,” and he walked the fuck away like it was nbd.

At this point all the other adults activated. A Detroit-style mom who was nearby started screaming at the dude’s retreating figure, one dad called 911, and my ex heard me shouting, “I SAW YOU! I SAW WHAT YOU DID,” which prompted him to run over with Marlowe. It was…chaos. But the first thing the woman said was, “Please don’t call the police. He’s not usually like this.” Upon closer inspection, she had a painfully visible black eye. She eventually took her coat off, revealing more bruising, in various stages of healing, on her shoulders, neck, and arms. The poor thing. So determined to defend her bruiser.

And her boy. Her son. When all of this happened, I looked to gauge if he was okay. And he just held onto the merry-go-round, eyes closed, hidden inside. I have loved a few folks who disassociate to survive, and I think that’s how he survives too. He was far away. And all I could hope was that he wasn’t hurting too badly inside. During all the chaos it became clear she had retreated to park with her son that night to celebrate his birthday. He had turned eight that day.

Spoiler alert: the police never came.

I am not one to call the police out of habit, but I won’t lie–I expected something. But no one came. It was dark, and as we spoke with the woman it became clear that her Strangler was also her romantic partner and roommate.

I called three shelters that night, but it didn’t ultimately matter–she didn’t want to go to any. Shelters often (out of necessity) prioritize women–and they don’t typically take kids. She had to choose between having a safe place to land, or being with her son on his birthday and potentially beyond. Separation for her (understandably so) was intolerable. She had a non-drivable car where she told me she and her son could stay while she figured out her next step. And she emphatically communicated her unwillingness to make a police report. Brian, the name of TurdBucket, had all of her sons toys/belongings, as well as hers. Apparently he had retaliated to some previous offense by dumping all of their things in the dumpsters behind their complex (which coincidentally is also across the street from the park, less than five hundred yards away from my mailbox). She could not risk losing (including her laptop/phone) all of her resources that were still in his possession.

We bought a pizza to share with her and her son. We sang the happy birthday song.

The police never came.

We got a few missed phone calls between the hours of 11PM and 12AM, but understandably slept through both. We heard nothing more from law enforcement. This surprised me. I am not an expert or anything, but I assumed that the message “a man strangled a lady at the park–send help” would justify more than a follow-up phone call without even a voicemail.

So, the following morning I went to the police department myself.

I have never reported a crime before. And, I suppose technically I still haven’t, because they turned me away. Or rather, one officer turned me away.

I explained what had happened, explained the timeline, explained that I knew his name, where he lived, the company he worked for, I had his physical description, a picture of his license plate, phone numbers and statements from two other witnesses–and the officer only shook his head and told me that because I was not the victim that there was nothing I could do and to have a nice day.

I couldn’t believe it. And I said as much. Did he _really_ mean to tell me that a man could literally strangle a woman in front of dozens of adults and kids, and that in spite of everything, nothing would come of it unless the woman whose’ neck he specifically _squeezed_ decided to do something about it??

And he said, “yes ma-am–no victim, no crime.”

I felt defeated. I climbed into my dinged up Prius, and thought to myself, “damn. I wish that asshole HAD hit me so I could have done something about this.”

And then I did something I hadn’t done before: I took to social media. Tapping into local, communal knowledge proved valuable.

Turns out that officer WAS supposed to take my report. But I guess he just didn’t fucking feel like it.

Long story short, I barked up trees until an auditor who works for the city manager noticed. This ultimately culminated in the officer being reprimanded and “offered additional training,” and Brian (The Strangler/Plumber of Columbus Street) ended up spending a whopping three days in jail. Apparently he’s been a Very Good Boy™ up until now, so he got a lil’ hand slap, 3 counts misdemeanor (no felon charges), and he has to take an anger management class, as well as a domestic violence class. He is being prosecuted for assault, but since he has an otherwise spotless record (at least locally) it appears this is the best the system can do.

Ya’ll.

I’m a white lady, at the time married to a white surgeon, in America. And with all my resources, time, and education, THIS was the pittance law enforcement could offer me. In fact, if she hadn’t been with her son and if I hadn’t consequently involved CPS, I sincerely doubt my evidence would have even made it to someone’s desk.

I am painfully familiar with the poison of domestic abuse. I have been intimately aware of the dangerous cocktail of love and violence, and for a long time I have looked on and felt only helpless rage.

And then I watched The Batman.

And instead of seeing what I expected, I saw someone who reminded me a of myself. I saw someone who, through no fault of their own, was walking along, minding their own goddamn business when some psycho shattered the illusion that you were ever even safe in the first place.

And what’s more–I saw someone take all their pain, helplessness, and rage and turn it into hope. I saw someone who helped others believe that maybe, just maybe, someone who wants to help make the world better/safer/kinder will come along and do everything they can to make things just.

I saw The Batman. But what I really saw was me, and a version of me that I could inspire myself with.

So, basically this whole post is a movie review, and if you haven’t seen The Batman, you should

[skellebonez]

I posted 12,015 times in 2021

769 posts created (6%)

11246 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 14.6 posts.

I added 23,126 tags in 2021

#monkie kid - 5243 posts

#lego monkie kid - 5206 posts

#fanart - 3183 posts

#mk - 1781 posts

#qi xiaotian - 1613 posts

#sun wukong - 1471 posts

#monkey king - 1447 posts

#six eared macaque - 1296 posts

#red son - 1159 posts

#mei - 727 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#backing wukong into a corner and pushing until he got what he wanted and what he wanted was wukong to do the one thing he didn’t want to do

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Prompt 76, MK accidentally lets it slip to Pigsy that Monkey and Macaque are “seeing each other” as in not quite dating but been on a few “dates”...again. Pigsy who is on a low profile and hasn’t told MO who he really is, let’s it slip how he thinks “his eldest brother can do better” and MK is very confused.

Feel free to ignore!!!!! I’ve never asked for something like this before and if I did it wrong feel free to ignore it!

I may or may not have a soft spot for protective younger sibling type scenes in media so I had way too much fun writing this.

It could be worse. They could be dating. Wait? They are?!

See the full post

171 notes • Posted 2021-06-24 01:08:45 GMT

#4

Hmmm how about MK and Monkie King with number 1 and number 45

I wanted to write a follow up to a certain fill that got some wonderful art recently too! But then the finale happened and now I made it depressing, sorry. Spoilers for... everything as this is set 3 days after the final episode. This also plays around with the “Sun Wukong is still super immortal and powerful but...” and other theories. (second prompt line is only used as inspiration in fill)

Do not give me that look./ You may technically be an adult, but you’re still my child.

See the full post

174 notes • Posted 2021-05-30 19:51:59 GMT

#3

I hope I'm not asking too much, but could you write something Winterpower's Cursed au and the prompts 14 and 15 please?

I could not resist also playing around with the “MK fighting with a rake” thing, though I’m putting this during the journey so sadly Pigsy doesn’t get to witness the badassery. @winterpower98 I hope this is funny to you!

Am I scaring you?/Oh god, you’re just like your dad.

175 notes • Posted 2021-02-24 00:49:20 GMT

#2

Dear Monkie Kid Fandom: Read Journey to the West, you will not regret it!

201 notes • Posted 2021-05-31 23:00:24 GMT

#1

So. I was double checking the English cast list for Monkie Kid for reasons. Apparently since the last time I checked people figured out who voiced Macaque.

It's Billy Kametz. Which is amazing because Billy Kametz... is the English VA for Josuke Higashikata in Jojo's Bizarre adventure and also a trained Broadway musical theater singer. And he sang the opening to his own anime.

This is Macaque singing. Please enjoy.

270 notes • Posted 2021-01-21 00:17:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[stark-tony]

Hi, sorry to bother but do you know any good fics where the avengers or SHIELD agents think Peter is Tony's kid??? Bonus points if either Tony or Peter catch up to the misunderstanding but keep up the bit because it's fun to mess with people!!! Thank you!

hey i’m sorry this took so long but here you go

* = incomplete

your dad is calling series* by LethalBookshelves

summary:  Peter called Tony ‘dad’ in front of the Rogues, and so they assume he’s Tony’s biological son. The two of them keep pretending to be related to mess with them.

This series follows their adventures as fake (but not really fake) father and son.

pairings: pepperony

tags: fluff, humor, hurt/comfort

warnings: kidnapping

Miscommunications series* by Isnt_it_pretty_to_think_so

summary: Ever since Steve and Tony’s spat (also known as the pissing contest that tore the Avengers apart) things have been a little strained. They all cope with it in their own ways. Rhodey tries not to have a heart attack every time Tony says something that causes him stress, Natasha and Tony eat Chinese food in Tony’s workshop and don’t talk about anything important, Clint ignores all the advice given to him by Neil-the-therapist, and Steve continues to choose his unstable, manic depressive friend over his other equally-unstable manic depressive friend.

Enter, Peter Parker.

(Who would’ve thought it would be miscommunications about Tony’s non-biological kid that bring the team back together?)

pairings: none

tags: fluff, humor

warnings: school shooting 

I Think Clint Was Right by prettycheese21

summary: Or that time Clint eavesdropped on a few conversations, came up with a conspiracy theory, and convinced the other Avengers to go along with it; and Tony and Peter are left wondering how this kind of misunderstanding could have even happened.

pairings: none

tags: humor, fluff

warnings: none

Who Is He? by doctornineandthreequarters

summary: Everyone liked Peter. Anyone who met him at the Compound couldn’t help but be taken in by the teenager’s infectious energy. He talked a mile a minute and had to be reminded to slow down, but he was well-liked. But everyone felt like there was some shroud of secrecy around the teen.

—-

Iron Dad Bingo #4- Trope: Everyone thinks Peter is Tony’s kid.

pairings: none

tags: humor, fluff

warnings: none

You’re Like My Dad by tamaranianprincess

summary: Tony comes to terms with the fact that Peter actually sees him as a father figure, all because of a misunderstanding between the Avengers.

pairings: none

tags: fluff

warnings: none

It’s a Secret to Everybody* by StarPrince_Punk

summary: “I have kids,“ Clint said. “I know dad behavior when I see it.”Tony blinked multiple consecutive times, processing the statement. “Excuse me?���“Tony,” Steve said now, “how long have you had a son? And how come we’ve never known about him?”“Yeah,” Clint spoke again, “I thought I was the only one with a secret family. Turns out you’ve had one longer than me!”——-Peter gets to spend all summer living in Avengers Tower with Tony. When the Rogue Avengers get pardoned and come back to live at the Tower too, they’re confused as to who Peter is. However, once they see how Tony acts around Peter, that confusion goes away, as they know for certain who Peter must be - Tony’s secret son.Tony and Peter decide to make the most of the situation, and play along. They hope they can keep up the act all summer. But they soon learn that they barely have to act at all.(I will post updates every Sunday and Thursday at around 8-9pm EST.)

pairings: pepperony

tags: humor, fluff

warnings: none

Promises of Tomorrow by PinkEasterEggs

summary: Posters of Star Wars were dotted around and there were multiple LEGO sets littered on the floor. Clothes were left lying around, some thrown on the back of the chair and some on the carpet. There was a collection of paper and books on the wooden desk, each large volume for a different school subject.

All in all, Steve would’ve said that the room belonged to a kid. The obvious youth that dominated the area confused Steve as he walked into the room further.

A loud blaring sound echoed through Steve’s air, FRIDAY’s dominating voice cutting into the air. “You are not permitted to enter this room Captain Rogers.”

Steve jumped out of the room like the floor was on fire, his confusion only growing. “Whose room is that FRIDAY?”

“Boss has not permitted me to answer that question.”

Was Tony hiding a secret kid? 

The Rogue Avengers have been pardoned, returning home for the first time after a year and a half on the run. Steve expects for things to be the same as how he left but it seems that everything has changed. Apparently Tony now had a kid. 

#8: Everyone Thinks Peter is Tony’s Kid

pairings: none

tags: fluff

warnings: none

How to Confuse the Avengers (Mostly Steve) by hopecanbeyoursword

summary: It’s clear to the Avengers that Peter Parker is more than just an intern.

Prompt: Everyone thinks Peter is Tony’s kid.

pairings: none

tags: fluff, humor

warnings: none

5 Times Peter wasn’t Tony’s Kid by Superfluous_Slytherin

summary: (And the 1 time he was)ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEADTony cares for Peter. Like a lot. To a suspicious amount, especially if you don’t know he’s Spider-Man.So, 5 times someone thought Peter Parker was Tony’s kid and they were wrong.And, well, the one time they were right.Okay, so he’s not biologically Tony’s but I mean, it doesn’t matter either way.Basically, Endgame left me with a lot of feelings but also a perfect(ly sad) way to finish this story that’s been bouncing in my head for a while.

pairings: pepperony, michelle/peter

tags: fluff, angst

warnings: character death

Then How Do YOU Explain Peter? by Asphodelia

summary: “I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH A SPIDER, THOR.”

pairings: none

tags: humor

warnings: none

[ohlovelywar]

Raise a Little Hell Part Two

Series Masterlist 

warnings: mentions of infinity war spoilers, swearing, mentions of death

Summary: A familiar face suddenly appears in Peter’s life as he tries to deal with the after math of what happened on Titian. 

Queens, New York Wednesday 7:00am

An obnoxious beeping sound broke through Peter’s dream, jolting him awake. He hissed as a sharp pain ripped through out his body, reminding him of the rough beating he endured just hours before. He stumbled out of bed, attempting not to cause any further harm to his already sore body. He gave his injuries a quick glance in the mirror; numerous purple bruises adorned his pale skin. Nothing too major. Thank god for being enhanced. He grabbed his light grey sweatshirt and denim jeans, dressing himself before hesitantly opening the door.

 He knew May was going to kill him for the current state his body is in. She hated anything that had to do with danger, fearing that she might lose the only family that she has left. Peter’s pastime was no secret to her. Not since the one afternoon where she opened his bedroom door to find Spider-man.

 “What. The. FUCK?!” May’s questioning voice pierced Peter’s ears once his head was freed from his mask. His eyes bulged out of their sockets as he tried to come up with something, anything to say to his aunt.

 “Heeeeyyyy Mayyy. Didn’t see you there,” Peter slowly turned around to face her, nervously chewing on his lip and messing with his hair. A nervous laughed made its way out of Peter’s mouth as he tried to read his aunt’s expression.

 Hurt. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Rage. Panic.

 “You have some explaining to do mister.”

 “I know. I know. Just, please, don’t freak out.”

 She scoffed at the young boy. “‘Don’t freak out’? ‘Don’t freak out’! Peter, you have been RISKING your life for MONTHS now. And you’ve kept me in the dark for all of it!”

 “May..”

 “No, do not ‘May’ me! Peter, the minute you came into my life and stayed with Ben and I, I swore to keep you safe. And this,” she gestured at the Spider-man costume on his back, “this is EXACTLY the opposite of what I swore.”

 “I know May, I know. I just...I wanted to keep you safe.”

 “Peter...”

 “No, hey. I listened to you so you listen to me, okay? What if...what if something bad happens to you? What if someone tried to hurt you? What if you ended up in Uncle Ben’s shoes?” his voice cracked at the mention of his late uncle. May’s eyes began to tear up.

 “I’ve lost everyone May. My mom, my dad, Uncle Ben. I’m not losing you too. I can’t lose you too,” he broke down. May instantly wrapped her arms around the boy she loved and raised as her own, crying with him.

 “You won’t ever lose me Pete...I’m always going to be here, okay?” She rocked them back and forth, just as she had done when he was little and the nightmare would cause him to wake up screaming, when he would cry for his dead parents, when the bullies at school would get too much, just as she did the night that Uncle Ben died in front of his very eyes.

 “I just don’t want anyone to go through what we have gone through,” he snuffled, his voice muffled by May’s shoulder. She sighed, knowing that he was right. The two have survived some very hard times. And, if there was someone with Peter's abilities that was able to help the two of them when they needed it most, she would have been begging on her hands and knees to them, pleading for help.

 “You’re too good for this world Peter.” Fear radiated off of her. She knew people wanted to hurt the masked web-slinger, her nephew, her son, her Spider-man.  She hugged him tighter, afraid that someone or something would rip him away from her at any second.

 “I love you May.”

 “And I love you too Peter. Please, be careful. I only have one of you.”

 “I will. I promise you.” And Peter always was. Until Titan.

 Peter really didn’t want May to see him like this. Sure, there have been worse fights with worse injures. But, ever since Titan, even the smallest scratch on Peter would have May spiraling. He knew it was just as hard on her as it was on him. But he also knew that he couldn’t just ditch Spider-man. There were people out there who needed him. And he was going to help them. He took a deep breath before entering the kitchen, mentally preparing himself for the long scolding May was sure to give him.

 "Morning May," he greeted, trying to play it cool.

 Maybe if I don't draw her attention she won't notice.

 "Morning Peter...Oh my god!" She dropped the glass of orange in her hand. The plastic cup hit the hardwood floor of their two-bedroom apartment a loud clink. Peter winced; the loud sound setting off the pounding in his head. "What the hell happened to you?!"

 "Just some big guys tried to steal some money it's fine," he tried to convince her.

 "No, it's not fine. You have a black eye, a busted lip, you look like you haven't slept... And that's just what I can see!"

 "May seriously. I'm okay. I-I had some help."

 "Oh," she straightened up. Peter was very stubborn and hard-headed. It was rare that he asked for help, but she sure was glad. "Did Tony send somebody?"

 "No, actually. Maybe? I don't, I don't really know." He racked his brain, trying to remember what little he saw of platinum haired girl.

 "You got lucky. Those guys aren't so easy to take down."

 "Well, I'm glad you got help. Just, please be careful Peter. You're my kid."

 "I will May. I have to get to school."

 "Here," she tossed a granola bar and brown paper bag that contained his lunch at him, "say hi to Ned and Mj for me."

 "I will. Bye, love you!"

 "Love you too!"

 And with that, Peter took off for his regular school day.

 The entire subway ride to Midtown, Peter tried to remember the black figure that saved his skin last night: platinum blonde hair, almost white. Bright blue eyes. Pale skin, maybe even paler than his own. Her voice held power, you could tell she means business. And yet, it was kind, and welcoming. It held concern and genuine care. It all seemed so familiar. Peter knows he's met this girl before. But who is she.

 The subway came to a stop, pulling Peter out of his thoughts. Here goes another day.

 Peter weaved his way through the crowd of rambunishous teenangers, trying not to bumpd into anyone. He let out a sigh of relief once he made it to his locker and exchanged the items in his backpack.

 "You're NEVER going to guess what I got!" Ned's excited voice suddenly appeared next to Peter's ears, making him jump slightly.

 "Oh really?" He smirked at his friend. "Not another Star Wars Lego set?" The girls next to them snickered, causing Peter to roll his eyes. What's wrong with having a little fun?

 "So close yet so far. It's an Avengers Lego set," he smiled with pride at his friend. "And it happens to include our favorite masked hero." Peter looked at his friend.

 "No way," a small smile tugged at his lips.

 "Uh-huh," Ned held up the tiny Lego Spider-man, proving to his friend that the world thinks he's an Avenger now. Peter tried to hide his excitement as best as he could.

 "I'm a Lego now?!" he whispered to his friend, a smile completely taking over his features.

 "Yup!" Peter laughed, a sense of pride took over. The world thought he was a hero.

 "Man, life is crazy when you're a super hero."

 "It sure is. Oh! May says hi."

 "Aw! I love May. She's like my second mother. You know?  Of course you know, shit wait. I mean.. damn." Peter just laughed at his friend. Instead of feeling hurt, he found it funny.

"Come on," he closed his locker. "we have chemistry."

Over in the principal's office, a rather intimidating man sat across the principal, his bored teenage girl seated next to him. She tapped her black converse on the ground, trying to distract herself from the scene in front of her.

 "I just want her to be safe, you know? After all, some pretty messed up shit happens in New York," he leaned back, taking a drag of his cigar. The principal gulped.

 "Yes yes of course Mr.."

 "Tsk, that's 'Sir' to you."

 "Yes...sir. Safety is our top priority." The teen rolled her eyes. Her dad always intimated everyone. She was rather tired of it. She mentally cursed herself for pulling her hair up into two space buns, leaving her nothing to fiddle with as the man in front of her squirmed under her father's stare. She picked at her long, cat like nails. Why couldn't her dad just...be normal?

 "Well the paperwork is all signed. Miss, if you'll come with me, I'll take you to your first class."

 The three stood up. Her dad giving a slight nod to his men in the back of the office. She grabbed her messenger bag from the floor and swung it over her shoulders. Her white long sleeved shirt wrinkled underneath the strap of her school bag. She straightened out her black dress that laid on top of her long sleeve before following her principal out the door. Her father and his two men began to walk towards the exist of the school while the girl walked further into the building. The principal was confused; he had never met a father and daughter more disconnected. He shrugged it off as he walked the girl to her class.

 Peter and Ned sat next to each other in chemistry, bored out of their minds. Their friend, Mj, sat in the table next to them, without a partner, reading her poetry book instead of paying attention to the board. Not like she needed to anyways; chemistry always came easy to her. A knock on the door suddenly interrupted the lesson as everyone in the classroom looked at the door.

 "So sorry to interrupt," The principal stepped through, a girl followed him, looking around the room with a sense of wonder. "Class, I just wanted to introduce the newest member of Midtown School of Science and Tech.: Felicia Hardy."

 Peter froze. He knew that name, and all the memories that came with it.  

send me an ask if you want to join the tag list! 

tags: @waywardskychaser

[vibraniom]

Secrets, Lies, and a Heroic Disguise (Part 1)

Includes: Peter x reader, Homecoming spoilers, angst, and fluff.

Requested by Anonymous: “Could you do a Peter x Reader where the reader is worried about Peter because he keeps getting beat up and he starts shutting her out and she gets saved by Spider-Man and she tells him about her problems and Peter feels guilty so comes to her house with flowers and apologizes. I love your writing!”

Written for @sanjariti‘s Writing Challenge: Quote #3 (included in part 4): “I love you, you asshole.”

Word Count: 845

A/N: This request has been in my inbox forever, and the person who sent this in may not even follow me anymore, but I hope you all enjoy it! The series will be four parts long and one part will be posted every other day.

You tapped the eraser of your pencil against your notebook, creating a thumping rhythm that followed the ticking of the clock against the wall. You were anxious to be released from class, and you knew time would only pass slower if you kept watching the second hand, but you did anyway.

Finally, the bell rang, signaling the end of your chemistry class for the school day. As quickly as you could, you packed your things and headed out the door, wanting to get to your locker to spend the passing period with your boyfriend, Peter.

As expected, Peter was already waiting for you, leaning against the other metal lockers next to your own. You smiled at him when his eyes met yours from across the hall, and he mirrored your expression, though he appeared abnormally stiff and uncomfortable. 

Once you reached him and started spinning the combination on the lock, Peter gave your cheek a small peck, though you paused to tug at the back of his neck, bringing his face down to yours. To your surprise, he pulled away only a moment after your lips brushed his, gripping your wrist to remove your hand. He then rubbed the place where you touched him, his reaction to your affection causing the heat of embarrassment to warm your cheeks.

While you had previously been excited to see Peter, you now wanted to get to your next class so you didn’t have to deal with the awkward tension that had settled between the two of you. Opening your locker, you hurriedly swapped your chemistry textbook for a few binders, but one slipped from your grasp. Peter caught it before it could hit the ground, holding it out for you to take.

“Thanks,” you mumbled distractedly, your attention drifting to the cuts and bruises coating the skin along his knuckles. “What happened?”

Once he realized what you were referring to, he hastily stuffed his hands inside his pockets, his eyes no longer willing to meet yours. “It’s nothing, Y/N. I-I gotta go,” he stammered, the uncertainty in his voice betraying his words.

As he turned away, you noticed the edges of another bruise along the collar of his shirt, confirming that he was keeping something from you.

“Peter, wait!” you called down the hallway, but he didn’t listen, disappearing into the crowd of students.

A few hours later, you joined Ned and Peter at the usual lunch table, though Peter barely said anything to you. The only subject that he seemed willing to talk about was Ned’s new lego set, and he ignored all of your concerned glances at his hands as he ate. Frustrated, you decided to move down the table to sit by Michelle. You recommended a few books to her and asked about the one she was currently reading, but Peter’s mysterious wounds still remained in the back of your mind.

Although you were in two other classes with Peter after lunch, he avoided you for the rest of the school day until you forced a conversation on him when you sat beside him on the subway.

“Do you want to come over later so we can work on the math homework together?” you asked, pretending to have forgotten about his injuries to get him talking. You intended to use the time with him to find out what kind of trouble he got himself into in order to obtain such abrasions.

“I uh… I can’t tonight. I have the Stark internship,” he mumbled, his answer deflating your hope of finding out what happened.

Screw it, you thought, deciding to get to the point. “Does your internship have anything to do with these?” you questioned, gently taking his hand in your own.

Peter’s eyes grew wide as he finally met your gaze, and you could feel his pulse quicken against your fingers where they touched his inner wrist. Evidently, you struck a nerve.

“No, no, no. Of-of course not. Some guy jumped me on my way home from, ya know, the internship, and… I had to fend him off,” he stuttered, fumbling with his words far more than usual. Again, he refused to tell you the truth even though he was a dreadful liar.

“But-”

Peter cut you off by pressing his lips to yours, no doubt using the kiss as a way to convince you to stop prying. You couldn’t believe he thought a small show of affection would subdue your worry, for it did nothing besides irritate you further. You should have pulled back just to spite him for rejecting you earlier, but you were too stunned to think about it at the time.

When he disconnected his lips, you leaned your forehead against his, taking a moment to catch your breath before whispering, “Why do you keep lying to me, Peter?”

A soft ding sounded, indicating the next stop. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Peter said, effectively dodging your question as he rose from his seat and exited the car.

“This isn’t our stop!” you called after him, but he just kept walking.

Part 2 

Thank you for reading! Feedback is much appreciated. Also, if you would like to be added or removed from the tag list, please let me know.

@stephie-senpai @elithepeali @lilasiannerd @cadetomlinson @buckybarnesisalittleshit @alwayshave-faith @ironstank @viollettes

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Homecoming Review Part 1

Goes without saying but there will of course be SPOILERS

Story

Adrian Toomes runs a salvage company that’s cleaning up after the Avengers battle with the Chitauri in Avengers Assemble. He’s put out of business by Tony Stark’s new company Damage Control. Consequently he and his gang use some of the alien tech they salvaged and become criminals.

 8 years later we follow Peter Parker chronicling an exuberant personal video diary during his trip to Berlin and his battle with Cap’s team from Captain America: Civil War. After he comes home Tony Stark tells him he’s not yet ready to be an Avenger but that he can keep the high tech suit he made for him.

 Two months later Peter has been fighting crime in Queens as Spider-Man (reporting in to a frustrated Happy Hogan seemingly every day) and claiming he’s working under a Stark internship as cover.

 During an encounter with some of Toomes’ men trying to rob an ATM Spidey notes the high tech weapons they were using. Later that night he comes home and inadvertently reveals his identity to his nerdy Lego loving best friend Ganke Ned.

 The next day at school Ned blurts out to Peter’s crush (Liz Allan) that Peter knows Spidey. After being goaded by his school rival Flash Thompson, Peter agrees to bring Spider-Man along to Liz’s party. However just before he makes his grand entrance Peter spots weird lights in the distance and goes to check it out.

 There he finds Toomes’ men (led by Jackson ‘Montana’ Brice/the Shocker) selling weapons to a man named Aaron Davis. Spidey distrusts the deal and give chase to the criminals but is attacked and dumped underwater by Toomes (who is sporting flight technology). However thanks to the tracking device in his suit he is saved by one of Iron Man’s suits that Tony Stark is remotely controlling. He is lectured by Stark to leave the situation alone and ‘stay on the ground’ but later Peter recovers some Chitauri tech that had been misplaced during the battle.

 Toomes fires Brice for his incompetence but when Brice threatens to talk Toomes kills him and gives his ‘Shocker’ weaponry to Herman Schultz. Schultz tracks the Chitauri energy core (which Peter and Ned removed) to Peter’s high school. Peter manages to evade Schultz but tags him with a tracking device and he and Ned learn Schultz is in Washington DC.

 Coincidentally this is where the school decathlon team are heading for Nationals so Peter and Ned tag along. Together the pair disable the tracking device in Peter’s suit along with enabling the full features of his suit, including his own personal A.I. (Karen). Peter fights Toomes on a Damage Control truck but (partially due to his inexperience with the new abilities of his suit) winds up imprisoned within it and consequently stuck in Damage Control’s warehouse, missing the Nationals.

 Learning from Karen that the Chitauri core in Ned’s possession is unstable and dangerous he escapes from the warehouse and tracks the decathlon team (sans the silent and cynical Michelle Jones) to the Washington monument. Unfortunately the power core goes off and damages the elevator in the monument prompting Spidey to climb up it and enter through a window near the top (scouting the area out with a drone released from his chest).

 He manages to save the team and back in NYC tracks down Davis in order to locate Toomes, trying (and failing) to intimidate him using the suit’s voice modulating feature. Davis is concerned about the weapons being on the street since he has a nephew in the neighbourhood (a reference to Miles Morales) so he informs Spidey that Toomes will be at the Staten Island ferry.

 On the ferry Spidey identifies Toomes’ new buyer as a gangster called Mac Gargan and proceeds to intervene. However Toomes and Schultz get away whilst one of the weapons goes haywire and cuts the ferry in half. Spidey tries to save it but lacks the strength to do so. Thankfully Iron Man is on hand and manages to rescue everybody.

 Stark (now in person) rakes Peter over the coals for his screw up informing him he set up an FBI sting on the ferry that Peter ruined. Peter claims he was just trying to be like him but Stark retorts that he wanted him to be better (admonishing himself for sounding like his own father) and demands the return of the Spider-Man suit. Peter protests that he is nothing without the suit to which Stark replies that if that’s true he shouldn’t have the costume at all.

 Peter returns home to an angry and upset May, gets a talking to by the school faculty about cutting out on class and generally accepts his life is on a real downer. However Liz agrees to go to the Homecoming dance with him and after May helps him prepare he heads over to Liz’s home. However he is greeted by Liz’s Dad who is in fact Adrian Toomes himself. Whilst driving Peter and Liz to the dance Toomes figures out Peter is Spider-Man and threatens to kill him and his loved ones if he interferes in his business again.

 Peter however cannot let Toomes walk free and after informing Ned of what he is doing heads off to stop him. He is however confronted in the school parking lot by Shocker who Ned helps take down.

 Garbed in his original homemade costume, Peter (directed by Ned from the computer lab) confronts Toomes at his lair where the villain tries to persuade him to his side. He cites how guys like Tony Stark step on normal folks like them. Peter doesn’t buy it and Toomes promptly buries him in the ruins of his base. Toomes, aided by his tech guy Mason (the Tinkerer), heads over to Stark Tower where Happy Hogan is loading tech onto an automated plane headed for the new Avengers headquarters.

 Meanwhile Peter buried under the rubble thinks about what Stark said after the ferry, screws up his will power and frees himself finding his way onto the automated plane mid-flight and battling Toomes. The plane crashes on Coney Island and eventually Toomes is defeated, Peter having saved his life.

 Days later at the school Michelle (whose friends call her ‘MJ’) becomes leader of the decathlon team; she also stares a little too suspiciously after Peter as he leaves. Her promotion is due to Liz’s family moving away in light of Toomes’ arrest. Happy Hogan shows up at the school to thank Peter for what he did and also takes him to see Tony at the new Avengers HQ. Stark congratulates him on his efforts, tells Peter he has a press court waiting to announce him as the newest Avenger and presents him with an all new armoured Spider suit.

 Peter is elated before ultimately turning the offer down and reaffirming that he should probably stick to the ground as a friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man for now. He leaves Stark at a loss as to what to tell the press when Pepper Potts walks in and Happy gives them an engagement ring he’d been holding onto since 2008.

 Back at the Parker residence Peter finds that Stark has returned his old suit to him. As he dons it though he doesn’t notice May behind him. She then exclaims in surprise.

 In prison Toomes meets up with Gargan who asks if the rumours that he knows Spider-Man’s identity are true. Toomes affirms that they are not.

 The movie wraps up with a Captain America clip that I dare not spoil because it is simply amazing.

 Review

When it comes to comic book films (or any films that adapt previously existing source material) there are three key points of view to evaluate the movie from.

·         The experience of actually watching the movie.

·         How the film works just as a story unto itself.

·         How the film works as an adaptation of the source material.

 For old dinosaur fans like myself it can be sometimes hard to divorce the third point from the second, so married are we to the source material.

However this isn’t to say it is impossible and I am going to try my best to be objective going forward. To help myself I’ve divided this review into two parts. Part 1 will cover my thoughts on the film as just a film. Part 2 my (much lengthier) thoughts on the film as an adaptation.

However, even when doing this evaluating this movie no easy task.

As an experience I’m not sure I ever walked out of a Spider-Man movie more fundamentally mixed in my feelings. Not disappointed exactly, but then I wasn’t exactly hyped when booking my tickets (by the way don’t bother seeing this in 3D like I did).

Okay to begin with let’s put things into context. This film had a Herculean job on its hands as it had to accomplish four key tasks:

 1.    Be a good stand alone film (or as stand alone as MCU movies can be)

2.    Showcase new possibilities from presenting Spidey in the context of the shared Marvel Cinematic Universe

3.    Lay groundwork for future Spider-Man movies

4.    Rehabilitate Spider-Man’s standing in the public eye following the Marc Webb Spider-Man films which left audiences fatigued and disenchanted with the character.

 And it did accomplish all of those...mostly.

 I could never in my heart of hearts call this a bad movie. It isn’t. It’s a good movie. It’s fun. It has action, humour, solid special effects, a perfectly serviceable story and strong performances all round.

 Last year after Captain America: Civil War I felt that I’d need to see more from Holland to determine how suitable he was for the role of Peter Parker/Spider-Man and how he measured up to Garfield or Maguire.

 This film has now convinced me Holland is perfectly qualified for the role. As for how he measures up...that’s a little hard to determine.

 His performance is much closer to Garfield than Maguire’s but ultimately the script is asking very different things of him than either of the two previous Spider-Men. As such it’s a little hard to compare their performances.

 He absolutely sells you on everything he is doing. The problem is everything he’s doing is kind of...atypical for Spider-Man. As such how he measures up as the character is tricky. Garfield’s Peter Parker/Spider-Man in comparison to Maguire’s essentially emphasised certain traits over the other. For example his Spider-Man was the superior quipster though this wasn’t wholly devoid of Maguire’s version of the character either. Meanwhile Maguire’s Peter Parker was most assuredly more introspective and nerdy than Garfield’s even if there were less examples of him operating as a scientist. Holland’s Spider-Man is in large part just a different animal altogether.

 Here Peter Parker and Spider-Man both are defined by their youthful inexperience and desire to play in the big leagues with the grown-ups, a league they aren’t yet ready for precisely because of that youthful inexperience.

 In this regard the film succeeds at most of the above points as this is undeniably something fresh and original for Spider-Man on film and it takes advantage of the possibilities of Spider-Man existing within a shared universe. Similarly Peter’s high tech suit definitely gives audiences something they’ve never seen before for the wall-crawler and it is firmly rooted in the wider MCU.

 In fact the whole movie can be said to be defined by the guiding philosophy of using the MCU at large to do something different. The characters are firmly rooted in showing you the ground level of a universe that in previous films has mostly showcased much larger stakes. Though this doesn’t apply to the whole movie as the inclusion of Ned as Peter’s friend and confidant and a greater emphasis upon Peter’s school mates help give the film a different flavour to what’s come before.

 And it does work...up to a point.

 Confession time. Back in 2016 when BvS: Dawn of Justice was released I dismissed just about everyone who ever tried defending that train wreck with the argument that the film was refreshing because there was a formula to the MCU films that employed light hearted goofy comedy. However between Doctor Strange and this film I have to admit that I’ve changed my tune.

 More than once in this movie Spider-Man is involved in slapstick comedy usually at his expense. It’s like advanced superhero clowning where the characters bumble and trip around. Now whilst this is fairly new to Spider-Man on film it’s actually not that uncommon for the MCU at large. You can see it for example in Iron Man 2008, Ant Man and Doctor Strange. That last one is particularly poignant because if there is one character who really does not lend himself to slapstick or goofy humour it is the ever enigmatic Doctor Stephen Strange.

 That sort of bumbling is cranked up in this movie because the point is the lead is inexperienced and learning the ropes. And when looked at on its own its honestly not insufferable or anything but along with the rest of the winking, quippy, jovial humour of the film does kind of feel repetitive of other MCU films. I think it’s definitely time for that formula to change if not be abandoned entirely.

 It doesn’t kill the movie though.

 Really there are only a few really serious marks against this movie as a film I have.

 To begin with the promotional material egregiously misrepresented Iron Man’s involvement (and spoilt way too much) but that’s not exactly the movie’s fault.

 The climax is not that satisfying as Spider-Man doesn’t beat Vulture so much as survives against him. The romance was kind of just there and existed more to serve other plot points rather than be its own legitimate subplot (a by product of trying to be different to previous movies I suspect). And the timeline with the other MCU films makes my head hurt. Seriously Avengers Assemble was 8 years before this movie? How does that make sense?

 The worst moment though is when Peter claims he is nothing without the high tech Spider suit Stark gave him. I have more problems about this when we get into part 2 but just in the context of the movie and the MCU this doesn’t really add up.

 Peter was operating as Spider-Man in Queens for something like a year before Stark showed up. Before unlocking the other features of it, the Spider suit he wore amounted to giving him an easily adjustable body suit, some high tech lenses and an advanced tracer. He used that for 2 months straight and only unlocked the added abilities of the suit a few days before Stark took the suit away (abilities that he couldn’t fully control).

 So he really didn’t need the suit to do what he’d been doing mostly up until then and he said it himself earlier in the movie, he was a kid who could stop a bus with his hands. He still has immense super powers and it seems illogical that he’d honestly not be able to recognize that. By extension the scene where he lifts the rubble to prove how he is more than a fancy suit doesn’t make much sense because of all the problems I just outlined.

 These hardly ruin the movie though.

 As for setting up future instalments, there is admittedly not too much done in this regard. The film is surprisingly self-contained for an MCU feature. There is a little tease of the Sinister Six but it’s very up in the air, it’s more likely we’ll simply be seeing the Scorpion in the next movie and maybe some more of Toomes. Other than that we have May learning Peter’s secret which may or may not turn out to be a really big source of drama going forward. We will have to wait and see.

 So as a movie that’s the latest instalment of the MCU I’d award this film a solid B. It’s a good movie about Spider-Man but probably not the best, but definitely not up there with the likes of Iron Man, the First Avenger, the Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy and most certainly none of the large scale team up films like Avengers Assemble, Age of Ultron or Civil War.

 I’d recommend you go see it as a fun entertaining time killer.

 However...as an adaptation...well, that’s a different matter entirely.

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Gosh time really does fly, while simultaneously flexing with all the integrity of sun-warmed chewing gum… so, yeah, it’s Friday already and I haven’t completed my sole personal task of the week – recording what the I’ve watched and done. Obviously I’ve done relatively little, except drunk spectacular quantities of beer and gazed listlessly at our blossoming lilac tree. That’s right: I’ve been outside! In fact, I spent most of last week outside. Work very kindly ordered us some desks in an attempt to aid good workspace habits, since I’ve been sitting on the sofa with my laptop on my knees for six weeks or so… It’s a nice little desk, but it does rather fill our front room. The brightening weather gave me ideas! After a day sitting under said lilac tree I got quite enthusiastic, ordering a WIFI extender thing (with antennae! Must be good.) and unfurling the gazebo. I even went so far as to lay out four of the concrete slabs that have been stacked in our garden for more than a decade, pending the creation of a patio. It was quite lovely. I spent my days in sunshine, watching the cats race around the garden, the gentle scent of lilac and roses wafting into my hardworking face. Pretty nice week all round really.

Reading: The Human (Rise of the Jain #3) by Neal Asher

I don’t often pre-order books (I know, as a publishing person I should know better…) but that’s mostly because by to-be-read stack both physical and digital is absurd. The coronavirus means I want things to look forward to! I’ve been reading Asher’s Polity books for years – fast-paced military space opera with great intergalactic conflict, high tech, terrifying aliens and engaging heroes. The set up… it’s an advanced human civilisation slowly taken over by the AIs we built, so that now Earth Central is a massively powerful AI who runs the whole show, and much better than we ever managed. The AIs do have a ruthlessly utilitarian slant though, and while mostly that means they do make life better for the majority, sometimes it means they sacrifice whole worlds to save the rest of the Polity… This is so far into the story that it’s near impossible to summarise what’s going on! Ancient alien technology – the Jain – enables nano-(and even pico-)engineering on a thrilling scale, but is horribly prone to taking over its user and sequestering every resource in sight, utterly destroying the civilisation that tried to use it. A vast array of active Jain tech has been swirling around the heart of a galaxy for millions of years. For the last few hundred years, Orlandine, a vastly upgraded “haiman”, half AI, half human who has seemingly tamed Jain tech for her own purposes, as well as the gnomic moon-sized alien entity, Dragon, have been preventing it from escaping and wreaking havoc.

That all went spectacularly tits up in the last book, and this is the final struggle to contain the Jain before it wipes out everyone. This installment really builds on the transhuman character development of Orlandine, the Polity AIs, the horrifying crab-like human-munching aliens, the Prador, and a host of other characters, many of them infected with Jain ambition among other things. It’s impossibly epic, with vast stakes, finally revealing the true dangers of the alien tech and a lot more about where it truly comes from. As a huge fan of the universe, I was delighted by this, even if the ending comes about a little quickly. Fear not though, there are plenty of hints at what is still unknown, and critical figures are conspicuously absent. Bring on the next trilogy please!   

Building: LEGO Y-Wing Starfighter – LEGO 75181

Ermagherd, is I believe, how the young folk express their fondness for a thing. It is how I should like to express my fondness for this splendid build! This is the first UCS (ultimate collector series) I’ve had the chance to assemble, and I’m pretty impressed. In truth, I nicked it from work (sliced open the box and emptied it into a rucksack, walks away whistling etc), and probably would not have bought it for myself. It’s Star Wars, so it’s huge and mostly grey. The Y-Wings are rightly iconic for getting blown to pieces above various Death Stars, but they look so damned cool. I’ve already got a LEGO Y-Wing, now that I think about it – the 1999 edition that came with a tie-fighter. It was rad at the time, but this massive set comprehensively blows it out of the water and vaporises the lake it was skimming over. At a mere 1967 pieces, I was confident that I could build it in an evening, but naturally failed. Instead it dominated an entire Saturday afternoon while I watched more of season two of Agents of SHIELD (which I’ve had to pause to watch Guardians of the Galaxy and Avengers: Age of Ultron because the latter takes place around episode 20!). Rarely have I spent a Saturday afternoon so productively!

New school

Old school

Beginnings…

Like a lot of the larger LEGO vehicles I’ve built, there are plenty of time when I have no idea what I’m assembling. This one went through a canal barge to crucifix stage pretty quickly, and as soon as the cockpit clips in it’s instantly recognisable. That cockpit itself is loaded with clever building tricks to give it a smooth and curved underside as neat as the top, sneaky stuff to invert the direction of the studs. It’s stuff I’m terrible at in my own building and I’m keen to learn from it. The nacelles have simpler tactics for allowing intense greebling all the way round the square pillars. The greeblage is mighty all over the back and underside of the Y-Wing. One of the things I often admire about official LEGO sets is the masterful balance of detailing, whether it’s in a scatter of cheese slopes, a light touch in patterning brick colours, or in this – while there’s a lot of detailing, it’s not so insanely overdone that it detracts from the model at a distance. The Y-Wing looks fantastically good, such a nice version of the film designs. There are though a bunch of stickers to apply on the cockpit which stressed me out to apply neatly. Not half as much as the massive sticker for the info plaque though. It really shouldn’t generate such anxiety! Nevertheless, I think I got it on perfectly. 

The minifigs are great, as you’d expect, with a finely detailed Gold leader and a shiny silver R2-BHD astromech.  Yeah, I love this thing. It is way too big to put anywhere in our house, sadly, but it will come apart into three neat pieces for transporting back to work once all this is over. Lamentably, having assembled this one, I now find myself eyeing up the far smaller A-Wing that’s just been released. That’s definitely shelf-sized…

Sticker hell

This has displaced a cat

Too big

Watching: Star Trek: Picard

We’d been waiting for all the episodes to be released on Amazon Prime before we began this. Our preference is definitely bingeing hard, rather than the agonising wait till next week. I’ve not reflected much on the change in our viewing habits in the last decade, but I think I’m getting more enjoyment from being deeply embedded in a show for a couple of weeks than dipping in and out of several simultaneously. However, I fear I’m going to have to do a second watch of Picard, because unlike Discovery which I adored from beginning to end, I just don’t know what to think of this new spin-off. Perhaps we’ll find out while I ramble…

The character of Jean-Luc Picard is obviously great – Patrick Stewart made Star Trek: The Next Generation come alive, and even though a lot of it is barely watchable now, the interactions of Captain Picard and his close-knit crew are delightful. TNG set the ground for the vastly superior Deep Space Nine that followed, with its huge and rewarding story arcs advancing the previous episodic narrative. With the exception of the Borg episodes, TNG never got the opportunity to do that, and with the similar exception of First Contact, its follow up movies are dreadful, though none as bad at those of the original series. I’ve been without Picard since First Contact in 1996 (holy fuck, how long?!), though the aforementioned dodgy movies have continued. So, a twenty year or so wait to return, that’s pretty high stakes. 

Picard disabuses us pretty quickly of this being a high action show like Discovery. In a curiously similar vein to the new Star Wars movies’ Luke Skywalker story, Picard is long retired from Star Fleet, having been fired/quit when Star Fleet backed away from a commitment to help resettle the peoples of Romulus after their home planet got fried. He’s spent the rest of the time chilling in his vineyard home, tended by ex-secret service Romulans and generally doing fuck all but seethe that Star Fleet let him down. He’s run away from his responsibilities, having failed to be the man he thought he was. Enter a young (spoiler) human-passing android on the run from some dudes trying to kill her. She doesn’t know she’s an android but knows a lot of stuff, is super-fast and knows she needs to find Picard. It’s no shock to discover that she’s Data’s daughter, somehow. But she gets offed by some more Romulan spec ops bad guys, and Picard’s off on a mission to find her twin sister, save the galaxy, stop the Romulans etc. 

Since Picard’s no longer Star Fleet he has to assemble a rag tag crew (stop me if you’ve heard this one before) since Star Fleet really don’t like him any more. The pacing is glacial at times, and it’s hard to understand what they’re actually aiming for in this. It takes ages to get into space (which is all fabulously Star Warsy rather than the Trek we’ve seen before) where we finally catch up with a ruined Borg cube that’s being rehabilitated by Romulans (for reasons I honestly can’t recall), and on which the android twin is working, while dating an actual piece of shit Romulan secret secret secret service guy who’s part of an inner circle dedicated to wiping out all synthetic life. 

There is a lot of great stuff in here – Seven of Nine’s return is a delight, Riker!, learning that Romulan assassin folk are just feudal Japanese folk, complete with haircuts and robes is peculiar, but kinda fun, and eventually a lot of things happen, quite fast. Picard nearly dies, they find more androids, he saves the day. I don’t honestly consider that to be a spoiler! The whole show is soaked in nostalgia, which is only partly rubbing off on me. If there weren’t so many people involved, and such cool design work going on I’d write it off as a vanity project. It’s definitely more than that, but I don’t know what… Watch it, if you’re into Trek, otherwise I cannot imagine this having any appeal at all.  

Doing: Virtual Improv Drop-In with MissImp

Last week’s new improv workshop was with Stephen Davidson, who’s just the loveliest and most passionate guy. His workshop is a real delight! Enjoy.  

  Last Week: The Human, Star Trek Picard and LEGO UCS Y-Wing - fun times with new Trek, splendid Neal Asher space opera and another fun MissImp online workshop! @missimp_notts #nottgoingout @nealasher #picard #books #lego @lego Gosh time really does fly, while simultaneously flexing with all the integrity of sun-warmed chewing gum… so, yeah, it’s Friday already and I haven’t completed my sole personal task of the week – recording what the I’ve watched and done.

[dorksideproductions]

We are gonna take a quick break from The Vintage Collection recap (you can read part one here, and part two here) for this edition of OF&NA so we can talk about Toy Fair 2018 and some the great stuff that we got hit with during the show. Spoiler warning… it was a lot! Solo, a Star Wars Story was the focus in most of our minds and we weren’t disappointed. It mostly dominated the toy reveals for the show. In addition to those, we got a lot of new info on what is upcoming in The Vintage Collection by giving us looks at things we knew were coming and a few surprises. I’m pretty sure that I’m gonna miss some of the announcements so If I don’t cover your favorite, sorry.

If anyone was worried that Hasbro was going to lose a step by bringing back The Vintage Collection was proven wrong by the reveals at the show.  They also gave us our first real look at the new toys coming from Solo and there is really some great character design in this movie that translates pretty well into the toy world.

In the 3 ¾” inch line, the best reveals were focused on the release of Solo. It was good to finally see what some of these characters were going to look like in the movie but ultimately it was pretty common fare with nothing really groundbreaking.  I continue to be impressed with the sculpting for the smaller figures lately and am glad we don’t have to have a reduction in quality just because the figure is smaller scale.

What I was most impressed with in the smaller scale line was not a figure, but was just as important a character in the upcoming movie, the Millenium Falcon. The pointed front end design is great and the is coming with some cool features. It showcased motion-controlled sensors to control real lighting and sound effects. The new Falcon even has a rumble pack inside to help simulate traveling through hyperspace. It looks to be sturdy build with some real weight and quality to it. Lastly, we finally got to see what the new nose was all about with a new dropship that can be detached to reveal the traditional look we are all used to. I love this because it gives the new look some kind of functional reason for being there that makes sense instead of just a random change for no real reason.

  The 6” Black Series had a ton of new reveals at the show from a lot of different eras of SW canon. Obviously, this is the line that we are going to look at the hardest because it gives us the most detailed look at the upcoming character designs and costumes for Solo. The Lando and Han figures look fantastic, but the new character figure, Han’s mentor Tobias Beckett, is my personal favorite. We also got introduced to two new stormtroopers: the Mimban Stormtrooper (Wal-Mart exclusive) and the Range Trooper. We don’t seem to be at risk of running out of interesting designs for Imperial ground troops anytime soon. I’m really pumped for this new movie and these figures and the designs only added fuel to the fire!

Amilyn Holdo from The Last Jedi is making her 6” debut in a real-goods covered figure with a dead-on sculpt.  The OT is also getting some serious love with Zuckuss, a Lando in Skiff Guard Disguise and a Gamorrean Guard (a Target exclusive, that from what I heard the pictures don’t do the figure justice. It looks amazing.).

One of my biggest shocks was the Clone Commander Wolffe figure. Quality-wise it seems to be right on par with Captain Rex from last year, which was certainly a standout. It occurs to me that we could be getting a lot of clone characters in the future. The new face printing tech that Hasbro is using isn’t cheap and this could be the best way to get the most mileage from a single face. I’m not complaining at all as long as they all look as good as Rex and Wolffe.

We also got a look at an astromech three-pack that will be an Amazon exclusive, and a 6” scale set of Porgs which we all love and will own, because at this point I think it’s a law now that we all have to chuckle and grin when we see those things from now until the end of time!

      Finally, we were treated to a lot more of the plans for The Vintage Collection’s return in a few months. Wave 2 and 3 were announced and shown which included the Combat Assault Tank Driver from Rogue One and a Han Solo figure from Solo. Wave three will be when the fan’s choice winner Dr. Aphra will be released. I admit I know nothing about this character so I can’t really comment on whether they did a good job bringing the character into the figure line from the comics, but most fans seem to think she’s a home run. They also gave a sneak preview of Yak Face (Saelt-Marae), which will debut in 2019. The first vehicle from the relaunch made its first appearance in all its glory. The Imperial Combat Assault Tank was a fan favorite from Rogue One and Hasbro has done a great job creating this vehicle. With so many details and features packed into it, Combat Assault Tank will have amazing play value but will work just as well for a display piece.

Wal-Mart is getting two exclusive figures, Island Journey Rey (#122) this Spring and a Mimban Stormtrooper (#123) this fall. This a departure from the original line that offered very few exclusive single packed figures except those that were reserved for mail-aways and conventions. So far, the figure assortments are a nice combination of repacks and new stuff and it all looks great.

The shocker of the Toy Fair show for most and the thing that is generating the most talk and buzz has got to be the Sail Barge from Return of the Jedi from Haslab – Hasbro’s new crowdfunding division. It comes in at 4’ long and being true 3 ¾” scale it will be the largest Star Wars playset/vehicle ever created, with real goods sails and a new Jabba the Hutt figure included. Modeled after the original plans from the set builders, it also comes with removable panels and tons of other play features. It carries a $500.00 price tag but what is unique is the crowdfunding angle that they are using to see how the community will react to such a high dollar piece. They are looking for 5000 backers to move into the next phase of production and at the time that I’m writing this article, Hasbro is already over 2000. If Jabba’s Sail Barge gets funded it will be a historic milestone in the Star Wars collectible market and will certainly open a new door for high-end collectors who are looking for truly special additions to their collections. With Haslab, Hasbro has entered territory that is unprecedented for a large-scale toy company. They have done the initial legwork on a massive piece and are asking the collecting community to partner WITH them to bring this to completion. This is a huge step in proving just how much Hasbro is investing in the Vintage Collection relaunch, making good on previous statements that they want to build this line with fans and not just for fans. I have been looking for more of an outreach to fans and I can’t think of a better start than asking us to partner with them to produce the toys that we love.

Now, I realize that the massive price tag put this thing out of a lot of people’s reach, mine included, but there’s a lot bang for your buck with this thing as a toy and a true investment piece if you are on the fence about getting one. If this does go into production, you can bet there won’t be many made at all. Another positive aspect is that this a start and could lead to more and more of this happening with smaller playsets or vehicles in a lower price range. If you follow LEGO, they have had quite a bit of success with a model similar to this, minus the crowdfunding, upfront $$$ commitment. The way I see it is that they are telling us to put our money where our mouth is. Historically, as collectors, we ask Hasbro for these big playsets and collectibles, and we all have ideas on what should be produced. But often when these pieces are made we walk away from the larger prices or find something wrong with it so we don’t have to let go of the money, then cry that we don’t get what we want. I have been guilty of this too, and the truth is that this overextends the companies that make the piece and take all the risk of investing huge money before it goes to retail. When it fails the manufacturers are left holding the bag, taking a financial hit in the process, often times learning a lesson that it is not worth the effort and money to produce the big pieces that collectors beg for. That hurts the collectors in the long run, as all we see are the safe collectibles moving forward, and rarely ever the truly special and unique vehicles and playsets.

So there we have it, my rundown of the highlights from Toy Fair 2018. It was a great show with a lot of interesting reveals to keep the collecting community busy and broke for the foreseeable future. It really is an exciting time for collectors with Solo, a Star Wars Story releasing in just a few months, and the film’s toys set to release about a month before that. After that, we have a long hiatus before the next movie and I think Hasbro is going to use this time period to catch its breath a little and put some really great pieces out to fill our collections. Next time I’ll finish up the recap of The Vintage Collection, and that should be just in time for us to start seeing the new stuff in the stores. Thanks for reading and if you have any questions or comments, hit me up on our Facebook page.

~Eric

Old Fossils and New Acquisitions – Toy Fair 2018 Roundup! We are gonna take a quick break from The Vintage Collection recap (you can read part one here…