#spoiler text from V Route

[furinana]

Dagda was announced as DLC for Shin Megami Tensei V: Vengeance. What are your thoughts about that?

Japanese text: "Hmph, are you the one guiding my mother?"

The obvious: it'll be the first instance of having Dagda interact with a protagonist that isn't Nanashi and since he's a sidequest DLC, he'll have unique dialogue.

[spoiler alert for SMT4A]

The likely: between this being the original Dagda from SMT4A and the "submissive Dagda" created by Danu in Bonds, I think we have more evidence towards the latter. OG Dagda wouldn't submit to Danu's whims and be unlockable for fusion because he's against being shackled to his role of god.

The NOT likely: The dealbreaker for a lot of people would be if Dagda's presence automatically will mean the presence of Nanashi (and going as far as include Flynn's). I actually wrote regarding my feelings on Nanashi & Flynn as bosses before.

From how they marketed this DLC, I'm sorry but I'll have to destroy your hopes of seeing the SMT4 duo because I assure you they'd *absolutely* tell us if they were in it. The only guest star here is Demifiend.

My opinion: As you might know by this blog, I'm biased towards SMT4A's Massacre route. The concept of paying to have Dagda, a mythology figure borrowed to be carefully crafted to go against the flow, as a summonable ally is... well. I just think he's one of those main boss characters in the series where it'd feel more thematically appropriate not to treat him as a disposable demon. You're basically chaining and kicking a jaded old man to perform tricks against his will. And... I don't think I also need to write a deep comment on how irrelevant DLCs have been for whatever is going on in SMTV. Rather than complements to the lore they're just challenges with filler for your compendium.

In any case, I don't feel enthusiastic in having to buy an enhanced version alongside DLC content after having already paid full price before. Many fans feel the same.

This last user said it all lol.

New players being given the best experience of the game while the ones that gave you the initial support to keep you afloat? Unrewarded!

[vethsoddities]

Just Runaway With Me You Won’t Feel So Alone

707 x Self insert fanfic

Masterlist

Summary: Just a little short fic on the visual novel from day nine of seven’s route where he started to open up to Mc spoilers for his route and I took Seven’s dialogue from the game and just added Penelope’s name to it

A/N: I’m always opens to requests so matter what my ask box is always open

“Ask me anything. I’ll tell you everything I know” Seven says as Penelope takes a breath and thinks for a moment before saying. “Then why don’t you tell me about the brother the hacker your brother his name is Saeran right.”

Penelope takes her light pink jacket off of one of her shoulders as she takes one of Seven’s hands and slides the bracelet she made for him with his name ‘Luciel’ on it then lets go of his hand. Seven’s eyes widened in shock before his brows furrowed in sadness as he spoke:

“….Saeran? God, I guess hiding it doesn’t mean anything now” Seven looks down at the bracelet Penelope made for him then back up at her. “I’ll tell you a bit, You remember that floppy disc from before” Seven asks as Penelope nods her head “I’ll show you what’s in there, so come here. I’ll turn it on” Penelope moves to the desk as she watches him turn on the computer.

“That boy there that’s Saeran” Penelope looks at the photos of a younger Saeran with a little smile but a part of her feels a sense of unease “He would have been in high school in that photo, But he never went to school” Penelope’s brows furrowed as Seven continued to speak “He was always weak and sick a lot .”

Penelope laughs a little “I tend to do that to people but you know they say that talking about things makes you feel better. Thank you for talking to me Luciel.”

“ I’m always willing to talk with you I meant what I said in fun to talk to no matter the subject,” Penelope says smiling a little making a call back to something they talked about to each other over text on the messenger. Seven eyes widen at the fact Penny is willing to listen to him talk.

“Thank you for listening to my Story, This is funny… But I want you to remember me even if I disappear. That just crossed my mind” Penelope’s breath hitched as she heard that coming from Seven. It reminds her of herself which shouldn’t have been a surprise to her seeing at their alike in so many ways “To be honest, V was the only one who knew this story that’s why I trusted him so much absolutely, and relied on him.”

Penelope laughs a little “I tend to do that to people but you know they say that talking about things makes you feel better. Thank you for talking to me Luciel.”

“I’m always willing to talk with you I meant what I said in fun to talk to no matter the subject,” Penelope says smiling a little making a call back to something they talked about to each other over text on the messenger. Seven eyes widen at the fact Penny is willing to listen to him talk.

“Thank you for listening to my Story, This is funny… But I want you to remember me even if I disappear. That just crossed my mind” Penelope’s breath hitched as she heard that coming from Seven.

It reminds her of herself which shouldn’t have been a surprise to her seeing at their alike in so many ways “To be honest, V was the only one who knew this story that’s why I trusted him so much absolutely, and relied on him.”

“But... absolutely trust only my eyes and ears. I’m going to find out everything about Saeran, About the truth that V hid from me…”

“Whatever obstacles I have to face, I won’t give up and find the truth”

Seven looks at the bracelet Penelope gave him his face flushes as he looks up to Penelope “It won’t be easy. But will you still..be by my side.”

Penelope smiled at him taking both of his hands into her “Of course I will Luciel” Seven’s expression was a flushed yet sad kind of expression “Once you’re safe…You can leave whenever you want .”

“ But thank you so much for saying so Penelope. If god allows it..I’ll always have you in my heart .” Penelope smiles and gives him a nod removing one of her hands from his and cupping a side of his face and kissing it “You’ll always have my heart and a piece of my me from that bracket I gave you”

[constructreese]

and the thing is there are things id criticize about yiik, i think theyve should changed a few more details about semi pak because even if i get where they were going with it (a entire person being objectified and treated as a spooky ghost story, we never get to know her because shes not a person to anyone here really), it still feels like theyre using the case in question just for flavoring!!

but thats never whats criticized, people focus on more 'oh bad protagonist?? bad guy?? ughhh hes so annoying to sit through' which is fair, and so is criticizing the decisions made with having him be basically right but then people also say its too obvious hes a bad guy!! and there are other things, like rory's suicide, rory actually apparently starts out as already suicidal in the code, which is actually really interesting as a decision!! the game doesnt spell it out, probably because its not like you'd just know that about someone

god i wonder if it was to put the player with alex where they still are centering themselves in rorys death even though they didnt even do anything to help rory!!

i also just really like the 'its the 1990s but not really' thing. and everything with michael and alex. even if its something that had to be 'retconned', so what!! it works better writing wise!! i like that its not really the 90s and that its a dream world for him!! thats really interesting!! having a bunch of little details that make no sense and actually pay off!!

i'm gonna yiik out under the cut thank you wonderful anon. i just dont want to slam walls of text on everyones lovely dashboards

There's still plenty i do criticize yiik for, but it's fair with reading into anything really. there's going to be stuff that's not agreeable. I'm not sure if you've played I.V, or watched a playthrough of it, but there's a NG+ that gets into some very very interesting things abt the story that i've been rotating in my mind since watchin it.

If you haven't i really think you'd enjoy the analysis series i watched. I was able to kind of infer most of the stuff it goes over with the added stuff in iv, but being shown that the core of it was still in from the very first release of the game, and how the game itself references different versions (pax demo, early builds) as other worlds is very cool I think, and once again, something that can't really be done in any other medium! Here's a link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOdErabHgEw&list=PLsDRs6-htR2CrP2gYQf_ezjVPbQag8qFa

The playlist has a Rory video and. idk. yiik spoilers. i guess. and its a little foggy bc i am just recollecting from the video, but if rory commits suicide in your route, he appears in the endgame mind dungeon as a ghost and says smth along the lines of "Hey, (Player Name), there wasn't anything you could do, but I'm glad you were willing to help. Thanks" and it's like. another moment of stepping back bc even though you're playing as alex, he thanks YOU. It's like heavily implied that in reality, rory did kill himself, but the game you're playing, created by alex to cope with a traumatic event, didn't like that that happened and added an option to make himself feel better, as if he could have helped. that's also implied through a door that is apparently "only open if you have dead friends" being open regardless of which ending for rory you get

[astrahannah]

So uh. I think I've seen that video. I dunno how much you actually care, or how much you still don't know, but I'm can tell you if you don't wanna play it yourself like some people suggest - so, spoilers for Mystic Messenger ahead.

You're right in that it's an otome game with its gimmick being it taking place in real time. Someone said it's about organizing a party. That's also true. I'll use the character's names and sometimes I'll describe who they are.

See, the MC opens an app on the phone, there's a guy in it telling her "hey, I found this phone, there's only this app in it and an address, could you go there and tell the owner I have the phone?" you can't think it's suspicious af, you gotta go there, and when no one opens, break in using a code for the door the guy texting you gives you, and once you do that, the convo disappears, you enter a chat app of a group of friends (mostly) in a charity organization that used to host fundraising parties. You shouldn't be there, they all suspect you of hacking (the dude who texted you at the start is the hacker, actually, calls himself Unknown), also, you're in the apartment of the organization's late founder, Rika. At the end of the prologue, they decide to give you a chance, while they backcheck you, you can join them.

The first four days are spent interacting with the characters and choosing a route based on your interactions, and the current leader, who calls himself V and doesn't come chat much, and was Rika's fiance before she died, decides that maybe be the new coordinator, since that was Rika's role and you're at her apartment. Maybe that's what she would want.

So, that's the start.

Then, you asked about the bomb. In several routes (which you enter on day 5 (out of 11) based on who you seemed to get along with the most based on interaction and what game mode you're in (every love interest is only available one of the three modes)), you find out that Rika had a bomb installed in her apartment for... Security, allegedly, IIRC (haven't played any route dealing with the bomb in a while), but a hacker (the one who let in at the start, Unknown, though you don't know that right at the start) tampered with it and can now go off any moment/if you leave the apartment (I think the latter, not sure). Depending on the route, 707(/Luciel/Saeyoung, he's a man of many names), the hacker and security guy of the group finds a weird palace in the mountains it's coming from, and your love interest might have to go there and deal with it (Yoosung's route) or maybe save you from kidnapping by the hacker (Zen's route). There's usually some confrontation between LI and the hacker (except Jumin, who never confronts the hacker face to face, and Jaehee, whose route doesn't deal with this bullshit except a very mild allusion, normal stuff happens there instead), if you get the good ending, yall win, MC and the LI get together (except on Jaehee's route, because she's a woman and I guess they were scared to make an explicitly wlw route, bcs South Korea).

Or, that's on the "casual story" mode (you're recommended to play that first, and it's the only mode not locked behind game currency anyway, routes of Yoosung, Zen and Jaehee available) and the "deep story" (usually second to be played, Jumin and 707 available). But, in 707's "secret ending" (every character has an "after ending" - an epilogue basically, but 707 has two secret endings after that) in which you find out that the place the hacker hailed from is a cult (BTW the hacker, Unknown, is 707's twin brother, as you find out on 707's route) founded by Rika (yeah, the founder of the organization you're in the whole game), bcs, VEERY basically (I don't understand Rika's psychology that well, I didn't actually play the secret endings or the DLC that's a visual novel about her backstory, but when you are in the fandom for over 5 years, you catch onto something), she hates suffering and wants to make an eternal paradise, where people are always happy, but making them always happy is ensured by giving them drug cocktails that make them weak and obedient to her, their "savior". V, her fiance, found out, didn't agree, and she ran away to create the cult. V pretended she's dead bcs I don't really know. He still had this love for/obsession with her, he didn't want to hurt the other members of the organization with that knowledge... Not sure (someone who played it all might know better). V and Rika also promised 707 to protect his brother while he hid away in a secret agent organization (the twins are illegitimate sons of the prime minister and he might try to kill them if he got ahold of them, a whole another can of worms), but as Rika left to start the cult, she took Saeran (the real name of 707's twin), made him into the hacker "Unknown" and brainwashed him to think 707 hates him.

That's just the casual and deep story, though (I think), there's also "another story", taking place in an alternate reality, a year before the other two modes, with slight changes to the characters - the prologje changes, Saeran pretends he's a game developer, is basically developing Mystic Messenger, wants you go be a playtester, but you have to get blindfolded into a car and let them drive you to the cult, and you live there for the whole game, while Saeran tries to convince you at first that the characters you chat with are just AI. You can date V and Saeran in it, also, Saeran has a split personality here (nice - Ray, and evil - Saeran, for the simplicity. I'm pretty sure it's drugs and brainwashing induced.). And there's that one bad ending of V's where you can end up with Rika (which is more then you ever get with Jaehee, who's my favorite, it makes me a bit mad).

I'm afraid I can't TL;DR this. Mystic Messenger is pretty wack, but I like talking about it.

Me, looking through youtube to find background noise to draw: oh sweet. A tier list of the bad endings of Mystic Messenger, a game I've never played and know nothing about. Sure, this should work.

Me 50 minutes later: What the fuck happens in Mystic Messenger.

[takiarte]

LONG POST!

And sorry for the English mistakes. ▶Léelo en Español aquí◀

A lot of time has passed in my angry hiatus caused by the Tumblr purge. Imagine it was like that: you're starting to do more 3rotic art and counting with THIS site to share it, but from one day to another, BOOM, bye-bye the opportunity. I still feel so betrayed, and more because in 2019-2020 I started a whole project (called Ambrosia, you will see it). See, this fanart of mine represents it all 😂 Before my hiatus here, I was very active as a player and fanartist in Mystic Messenger fandom. Yes, I said "I was".

I consider it important to make all points clear about this, because I have so many already old fanarts to upload about Mystic Messenger, and that doesn't mean I'm still on it. I'm even waiting for a moment when I have the animus to continue a lot of unfinished pieces, but I simply lost my love. Yes, the worst thing that can happen to you 😫 I lost my love for Mystic Messenger and for my favorite character, Saeran. Although that doesn't mean I don't love the memories I created in that fandom, with the game when I enjoyed it, with the beautiful fan arts I saw and artists I meet, and doesn't mean he's not my favorite anymore. He is. This is not the fault of the fandom nor the character's... but CHERITZ's fault.

So you are gonna see me uploading a lot of old art.

Almost FOUR YEARS of old art. And a lot of it (until 2020) is MysticMessenger related. I want to have this post as a reply to the question "Are you going to continue making MM-related things?" And the truth is, no. I may continue unfinished old things (as Ambrosia WIPs waiting for me), or share old things I still don't share, but I doubt I make something new (outside of, for example, commissions).

So...

WHY I LOST MY LOVE for Mystic Messenger?

Here comes the truth. This is all related to Saeran After Ending, so, WARNING!

⚠ SPOILERS, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE ⚠

I'm gonna put a list of Twitter links with numbers that show my reaction when I just played it. The rest of the text is below ⬇

0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.

(Also, look at this wonderful fanart that also describes my feelings -and that artist also felt betrayed by that AE-)

And here come the 101 reasons why. Angriness advertence! 🤬

As a veteran fan, I think I'm not the only one that wanted the Saeran route to be about Unknown since the start. ANYWAY, I didn't dislike the Ray/Suit!Saeran scheme, but the existence of Another Story opens new plot holes (especially related to how much time Saeran has "hated" Saeyoung, when did V and Rika really "adopted" them (what's their age?), since when Rika started the Mint eye thing, etc). With Saeran AE, they had a BIG OPPORTUNITY of closing a lot of these plot holes. But they didn't.

One of the main reasons I was disappointed is the OOC attitude of the characters, SAERAN INCLUDED (OOC = out of character). I'm not the only fan that felt as if the Cheritz creative writers changed and were all ignoring the character's personalities.

MC is treated as if she is a goddess, she fixes everything (while she is doing NOTHING more than be present). She is praised so much it gave me cringe. I also disliked the reply options we had.

Saeran FORGIVING his father after he almost killed him, is something really, REALLY inconceivable for me. It was the most ridiculous and toxic thing. Are you saying to me that a character that was in mentally ill chaos 'cause of the hate, just goes and forgives one of the persons that ruined his life the most??? NO. PLZ, NO. Yeah, forgiving is a healthy thing to do, but, you are NOT obliged to forgive a person that ruined your life. Just a little research of real-life people psychology explains that clearly.

The psychological accuracy failed, definitely. Saeran had a little of PSTD scenes, but not enough. He was now all bright and "I love you".

Speaking of the "I love you", I felt cloyed. I started to feel as if all was mere fanservice, very empty of the power of that words. He started to say it too much it lost its grace.

Oh, "THE POWER OF LOVE CURES IT ALL". Sorry, but I hate they used that excuse to fix everything. It was a lame shortcut to sum up the plot.

MC is just useless. And what made me most angry is that we are MC. The responses were so... ugh.

Rika, RIKA. She came out unscathed of ALL WHAT SHE DID. And the twin's father too. And I CAN'T FORGIVE THAT. I wanted JUSTICE.

The abuse of the twins during all the days of the AfterEnding was excessive in my opinion. GOOD ENDING? That felt like A NIGHTMARE for me.

The reunion between Saeran and Saeyoung was really disappointing. I wanted a process for them, I wanted to see Saeran progressively forgiving Saeyoung. Learning the truth, processing it, and DECIDING. Not it all happening in the middle of chaos where they were almost ENSLAVED.

Saeran was reckless, it hadn't sense. Where did all his security go? Where did went all that he learned while escaping prison as Magenta? He is supposed to have his personality finally unified, so he has the Suit!Saeran side in him... then, why does he refuse to fight that much? Why did he saw not forgiving as such a BAD thing?

The entire AE is like very dangerous and toxic advice that sounds like "you have to forgive your family because it's your family, it doesn't matter if they ruined your life and attempted to ERASE YOU FROM EXISTENCE since your whole birth". Do you know how many people end up in therapy with anxiety and depression or worst things because of a dysfunctional family? The messages Cheritz sent with MM as a game were (in general) good... until this happened.

Cheritz repeated again the formula of "the counterpart of the route is the enemy" with the V attitude. Although, I never thought of V as a good person.

For real, the only, ONLY things I enjoyed of the AE are that they showed V's true nature (I started to despise him very much in AnotherStory... it was sad for Jumin) and Vanderwood being very cool.

The writing repeats again and again what happened until it gets boring.

I WAS HOPPING Cheritz would remedy what they did in Secret endings, where they put therapy as if it was THE WORST THING in the world for Saeran. I was HOPING to see Saeran (and also Saeyoung) taking therapy and having finally a mentally healthy life. BUT NO, LET'S FIX IT ALL WITH THE POWER OF LOVE WUJUUU

Well. I know I spoke so much more with a friend on Whatsapp but it's gonna be impossible to find all that, and I think I said the most important points already. IT'S A LOT and could be more, I’m sure.

Trying to make me think better of this AE it's a lost cause, don’t even try it. It's been a time, and the strength of my disappointment was big enough.

Hope you get the point of why I was taken to such an extreme. If you are capable of still enjoying MM with the Saeran AE and all, good for you. But for me, it’s not.

Since then, it was never the same again for me. But anyway, I still have good memories and that is not gonna change. And I have so much to share with you. Step by step reviving this blog!

[bibbykins]

YOOOOOOO, holy sheeeeet the new part is so gooooooooood dafuq. I KNEW there was something wrong with Mona, idk why but since the beginning I get annoyed by her quite a lot and at first I excused my annoyance with her with her lack of self-awareness and that there are a lot worse characters than her, but gurl, now??? the old hag's not even the bare fucking minimum. Like ngl, to me, slowly but surely she's becoming much more predator-like than the ones we call yandere. LIKE HOW EVEN DID SHE BECAME RICH??? (Drugs, prolly. Tons of drugs.) Like you gotta understand (but first, let us forget that you're the wonderful author of this fic and hear me out), to be COLLECTING kids??? like I think she does it to look kind or whateva, but I still don't get it. Tldr; Mona more like MoNOOOOOO (I'm tired lmao)

And now I have lots to ask (tho ngl, my day had been a whirlwind so I may come back to ask more as I tend to forget a lot when shit happens).

First off, can I kill Mona? (jk lmao, but...

(turns out I cannot upload a picture while being anon but this is too long now and I'm far too determined to let you know my thoughts in this matter)

2. On a serious note, does Mona knows how she's making the boys feel? Like Idk, I have the philosophy (and I'm bout to push my moral compass to her) of no one's evil for evil's sake, and that we just have different perceptions of things from one another. Like I have no respect for her but still want to know what the hell she thinkin about dropping off orphaned children at a big luxurious house they don't even have the idea to navigate through and NOT BOND WITH THEM WHEN SHES THE ONE WHO ADOPTED THEM???? (tell me you neglect your children without telling me you neglect your children) (on one side, maybe that's her way of making them comfortable??? but even that is pushing it? Idk, but there are a lot of things wrong with that woman and it all started from birth, dafuq)

3. This maybe a spoiler, you don't need to answer this if you want though I'd still like to ask. In what order did the boys get closer to one another? How did their brotherhood started? Coz that's a pretty strong brotherhood to all share the same type of woman lmao.

4. Maybe I'm dumb but in what order did Mona adopted the boys? who did she adopted first? (maybe a spoiler again, you don't have to answer any of these if you don't want to)

5. Did all of them fell in love with bunny at first sight? Coz that's what I'm gettin from Tae and Namjoon.

6. (On an unrelated note) In the bunny household universe, do the boys use their alias? RM, V, Suga?

7. Hypothetical question, if the mc was never into gaming (or maybe not just into their franchise), would the four of them ever meet?

8. There was a hint of jealousy coming from Namjoon in Meet and Greet, so that kinda opens the possibility of them getting jealous over one another (not in the joking way you portray in text messages) but like, real jealousy? Or nah?

9. Did yoongi had an ulterior motive when he talked with bunny in the bar? Was that REALLY Yoongi's first time meeting her? HmmmmMMmmMmm.

10. Out of all the boys and if Namjoon and Tae never lifted a finger to help bunny get into the same household with them, who would do the same thing? or maybe go on a different route?

11. Did Yoongi tried to find bunny after he got done with the phonecall?

12. Where was the uncle when Namjoon and Tae took her home?

this is getting longer now, lmao. Thank you once again for writing your wonderful fics! And thank you for answering this tooHAHAHHA. Have a great day!

Ahhhh thank you so much!!! Also yess Mona is... Mona is quite the character, huh? She's really not the random eccentric character she may seem to be at first, and I'm excited to explore more of her! And now to answer your rlly cool questions!!!

I mean no but... who's gonna stop you??? lmaooo

I will go into this more in the future, but basically not really?? Sorta?? Not every neglectful mother means to be neglectful (though many do) regardless, it doesn't mean they can't see what that's doing to their kids, and sometimes they decide it's too late by the time they notice. Not all of this applies to Mona exactly, but it's something to consider with her character. Another thing to consider is why she would want them to be with the same person and stay together? Does she care or is she just possessive over her kids staying together? She's both complex and simple in a lot of ways

Their bond rlly isn't that strong, not all of them anyway. It's just a universe where poly relationships are the norm and their not rlly in the mood to fight to the death for MC when they're okay with sharing (and they'd have to navigate MC mourning whoever gets killed). They mostly consider each other friends or roommates more than they do brothers. (Jin called them "adopted friends" for a while) However, Taehyung and Namjoon as well as Jungkook and Hoseok genuinely consider each other their best friends. I'll go into their relationships more later on ofc!

If I goofed and put anything conflicting in any of the parts pls tell me, but the order is generally Hoseok, Yoongi, Jin, Namjoon and Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook. This isn't the order she encountered them or became interested in adopting them, but ti is the order in which they were officially adopted.

No, surprisingly! Jimin just had a crush that developed into his love for her, Jin mostly thought she was cute at first and went about his business until [redacted], Hoseok wished he had asked her out, but genuinely didn't fall for her or really see her until she moved in, Jungkook [redacted], and Yoongi [redacted] lmao

When they first started out Namjoon and Taehyung used V and RM but when they landed the Undertaking series, used their actual names but fans kind of call them both. Hoseok's company is called Hope Aesthetics. Jungkook is known as JK or just his name. Yoongi just goes by Yoongi, but his first successful game was a psychological horror called Suga.... more on that later in the story~

Hmmm, they would've, but it would've been much different. They would've met from MC going to a convention later on as a panelist for sex work and cosplay, but Yoongi might not have bought the Undertaking games and Namjoon and Taehyung wouldn't have stuck with it, so the circumstances would've been way different. Even if the Undertaking games stayed how they are, if MC didn't play them, they would still meet but it would be super different.

Not really? It's more so jealous that they get her affection while they don't if that makes sense. Like in Vulnerable In The Dead of Night, Taehyung is spiraling because he hasn't gotten any confession from MC while others have, but the moment he gets it he's fine. As long as they each know where they stand with her, she can do whatever. It would take a lot to make one of them seriously jealous of one another, and it would not be pretty.

Tbh? He didn't lol He was just tipsy and having an existential crisis, and MC was just too pretty! Interesting how she trusted him with her phone, though. It was only a few seconds, I'm sure it's fine

Jungkook or Jimin would've, 100% lmao. If they had to go one more year of seeing how scared she was in that apartment, their sanity be damned, they're intervening. Jimin always had the plan to pursue her when she graduated so he didn't make her feel awkward as her TA, and Jungkook [redacted] lol

He did go back to the bar rip, but more on that later~

Traveling! He often would just leave and say it was for "work" half the time, he was being honest.

UGH I LOVED THESE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING!!! Pls keep any questions coming, I love them!!!

[satanswrathussy]

mystic messenger playthrough part two 😎

don't feel obligated to read this i just need to dump my thoughts and theories- i'm currently on day 4

TL;DR i flip flop on who i find suspicious SO easily, yoosung needs therapy, and i am in love with jaehee kang.

Outside of the Game-

So originally I was doing this blind, like genuinely 100% blind- but with the frequent reappearance of Elizabeth the 3rd I was REALLY nervous about anything happening to her, so I decided to look up trigger warnings for the game (via doesthedogdie.com which is a GOD SEND) ..and although it was TECHNICALLY spoiler free since it didn't go into specifics... the trigger warnings I saw suddenly make me feel like I'm getting ddlc'd in a way? Not really "oh one of the characters is actually sentient and actively changing the code!" but like "oh you thought this was a cute dating sim? lolol get wrecked emotionally dipshit."

ALSO I DISCOVERED THERE ARE FUCKING BAD ENDS?????,, WHICH BY BAD ENDS ARE WE TALKING LIKE "Aw nuts! You failed the RFA and now they all don't like you, and you have no lover!" OR LIKE "You have invoked the wrath of Zen's deranged fans and they murdered you- You pissed off Jumin and now he's paying to have you disposed of-" LIKE I NEED TO KNOW THE EXTENT OF "BAD" WE'RE TALKING ABOUT??

In the Game -

Originally I thought Yoosung was onto something about V... but then in Day 4 at 10:00 there was a chat called 'Blame', and I think Yoosung is losing it...? I was totally ready to jump on the anti-V train at first dude- like if Yoosung had said "let's overthrow V as the leader!" I would've been SO excited... but somewhere during the chat I just kinda felt like ... I don't know ... V seemed to be kinda defeated rather than combative? Which I KNOWWW its text based and there's no tone indicators, but shhhhh its my thought dump so I get to project whatever emotions I want onto V. Hopefully this isn't a dumb choice, but I trust V more now? Also Yoosung mentioned how V only ever talks to Seven about confidential things, and he was pretty upset about it. Maybe if this happened sooner I would've been more on Yoosung's side, but Yoosung just ... doesn't seem to be the best person to tell confidential information??? And so far Seven seems like the best person to tell???

Anyways my brain is focused on Yoosung vs V right now, but I actually have more thoughts aside from that lol.

I looked at a beginner's guide for the game, and I discovered I should only be focusing on ONE person to get hearts, and not just being nice all around. Which I decided the SECOND I saw there was a woman in the game, I wanted to go through Jaehee's route first bc ... women 😩❤️ and I think I'm on track?

I don't know if there's a way to check my affection levels, but if I had to guess- i think my current order is

Jaehee Kang

Yoosung

Zen

707

V

Jumin

After I learned I needed to focus on one person (and that it should be Jaehee, Zen or Yoosung iirc), I started being less supportive towards Yoosung and Zen to knock their affection down .... I had a black broken heart animation play at one point because I think I took Jaehee's side over Yoosung? Or maybe it was Zen's... either way i feel like a horrible person

Predictions

Not technically story related, but I predict I'm gonna get Jaehee's good end first, or neutral end if that's a thing? Listen I'm just not going to acknowledge the possibility that I can get a bad ending.

If I get a bad ending, I bet it's gonna be Yoosung's fault for being all suspicious of V or Jumin's fault because I'm trying to rescue steal his assistant.

I WANT JAEHEE TO START LIKING ELIZABETH THE 3RD SO BAD. why are all the opinions on cats in this game SO strong- why can't they be indifferent to cats? either they're obsessed or they have an over the top hatred for them ...

Theories

I'm definitely leaning more towards "V is just misunderstood" and "He's hiding something to protect everyone else" instead of him having some crazy ulterior motive

Seven kindaaaa gives me bad vibes..? Idk he reminds me too much of certain boys from high school lmao, but I don't know if he's gonna be a problem for me/MC ... I'm leaning more towards him being a red herring

Yoosung is declining mental health wise bc MC is lowkey replacing Rika?? Since he seems to like MC, he decided to blame all of it on V instead of MC- which furthers his suspicion that V got over Rika way too easily

V definitely did not get over Rika way too easily, and I doubt he got over her at all

I STILL DONT THINK RIKA'S DEAD I SMELL A STUNT

anyways that concludes todays ramblings on this game I'm 7 years late on playing !!

i am now downloading mystic messenger bc i saw someone mention it once while talking about obey me!

which i've heard the name mystic messenger before, but i don't rlly know what it is? 😭 i'm just assuming it's vaguely similar soooooo- wish me luck 😎

[osita-iza]

RFA Headcanon: You didn’t start dating during their route

A/N:

This isn’t my first time writing fanfic, but this is my first time writing in this format and for Mystic Messenger. I was into it during high school, and I’ve revisted the fandom after quarantine. If you have any requests for headcanons or scenarios, my ask box is open! 

This has spoilers for all of the routes good endings, some are minor, some aren’t (except Zen’s), along with the ending. Egregiously long. Genre: Fluff, slight angst- nothing too much. 

Jaehee

You hopelessly loved her 

The second you heard her voice, you knew she would be special to you 

But she needed a friend right now. A friend to guide her as she learned her own worth- so you would be her friend 

You were her friend as you picked out cafe tile together, as she went through all of the paperwork, and as she smiled at you every time she tried out a new recipe

But you still loved her 

Your eyes would follow her as she took orders

You would help tie the knot on her apron

You would send her new recipe ideas in the middle of the night 

Everyone in the RFA knew that you loved her,,,, except her 

Zen constantly told you to confess and tried to act as your wingman. “Man Jaehee,,, MC is such an amazing partner, you’re so lucky to have her.... aren’t you?” 

“Oh of course. I love MC-” 

YES

“-She’s my best friend” 

Should’ve expected that

Maybe you should try to move on? You didn’t even know if she was into women 

There was one regular that you had to admit,,,, was really cute. She came everyday during her lunch before going to her job at a school library 

One day she came in and you noticed she was wearing more makeup than usual. Not in a bad way, but now you could see her blush and shining lip gloss

As you handed her her daily frappe, she passed you a crumbled napkin. “I really like you. If you like me too, here’s my number. If you don’t, we can forget about this.” 

Before you could respond, she was practically running out the door

Jaehee cleared her throat from behind you. “What was that?” 

“.... I think I just get hit on.” 

“What?” Jaehee stepped closer and grabbed the napkin, where the customer’s number was messily scribbled. “Are you going to message her?” 

You wished she was jealous. 

You forced a smile as you took the napkin and put it in the pocket of your apron. “I haven’t decided.” 

You were taking inventory of the ingredients at closing when she walked in with a box of coffee beans. 

“Are you done?” 

“Wait...” You added one more figure before smiling. “Now I’m done, what did you need?” 

Jaehee grabbed the clip board and put it on the rack next to you. 

“Jaehee?” 

She pressed her lips against yours 

You gasped as she pressed you into the metal shelves and tangled your hands in her hair. 

She had really soft hair 

The kiss lasted forever but only a second 

Jaehee pulled away, redness covering her whole face 

Cute... 

“I see how you look at me.... because I look at you the same way too.” She whispered, resting her head on your shoulder to avoid looking at you 

“Jaehee, I-” 

“I’ve never been with another woman before, so I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I still don’t really know how to go about it to be honest- 

“And I feel like I just reset my entire life, so now really isn’t the time for me to be starting a relationship, especially with someone as important as you.” 

“I can wait.” 

Jaehee looked up at you with her bottom lip pulled by her teeth. “You can?” 

“You’re important to me. And I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for yet. As long as you do feel this way, I will wait for you.” 

“Thank you.” 

You smiled at her as she slowly stepped back. “I should go finish cleaning in the front then.” She stepped out and you called her name before the door closed. 

“Yes?” 

You reached into your apron and ripped the napkin in half. 

“I won’t message her.” 

Zen 

Zen, magnificent, gorgeous, hard working, and loyal Zen, cared for you more than anyone

He called you his princess, would do his skincare routine with you when you came over, and he was the one who always responded to you in the chatroom 

But the moment you fell for him was when you went on to the messenger late at night, talking to Seven about how you couldn’t fall asleep and Zen popped in 

Zen: you can’t fall asleep? 

MC: no, i can’t. i’ve been trying to fall asleep for an hour 

Crying emoji 

Zen: Call me. 

MC: What???

Seven: Ooooohhh, what does Zenny have planned?

Zen: Call me. 

Zen left the chatroom. 

Seven: So bossy.... 

MC: I wonder what he wants 

Seven: Better call him to find out 

Seven: Oooohh I’m so excited!!! 

You rolled your eyes as you logged out before hitting Zen’s icon 

“Jagiya! I was worried you weren’t going to call” 

“Of course I was going to call. What did you need?” 

“Are you laying down right now? Ready for bed?” 

“.... yeah...” 

“I’ll read you my script as a bedtime story!” 

“Zen, you don’t have-” 

“I want to.” 

You genuinely didn’t think it was possible to not fall for Zen 

You called Zen, wanting to hear his voice, as you got off of work 

“Hi, princess!” 

“Hey. Are you busy tonight?” 

“No, I was gonna take it easy tonight. Why?” 

“Today was a rough day at work. I was wondering if I could come over? I can buy dinner~” 

“Don’t worry about dinner! I’d love to spend time with you,” 

He hugged you as soon as he opened the door 

“Guess what I got for dinner?” 

“What?” 

“I went to Richard’s Diner...” he trailed off 

“You never eat there because you say it’s not healthy for your skin!!”

“But you had a bad day at work, a cheat day for you is worth it” 

Zen let you rant as you both ate dinner

Afterwards you began drinking, and you were slowly getting more tipsy

After you finished, taking a sip of his beer, he smiled at you. “Sounds rough, babe” 

You pushed his arm with a smile. “You shouldn’t call me babe,” 

“Why not? Do you not like it?” 

You shook your head, body feeling light from the beer. “That’s not it-” 

“What is it then?” 

“It’s that I might like it too much,” You giggled as you leaned in closer, not noticing how his playful smile slowly slipped away 

“Like it too much?” 

“Maybe like you too much?” You shrugged with a lopsided smile. “Who knows?” 

“MC.” 

You raised your eyebrows at him as he leaned closer 

You could smell his cologne as he kissed you 

Your eyes were wide open as he pulled away 

Zen laughed out of relief and at your face. “I’ve been waiting for that for a while.” 

Yoosung

Yoosung had never been in a relationship before

Never even asked someone out before... 

So that’s why- even tho he could face cultists for you- his heart would go crazy when you smiled at him 

He couldn’t ask you out on a date 

But he could ask you to hang out 

He taught you LOLOL and you became his best ally for campaigns

He would buy two of the limited edition items 

One for him and one for you!!! So you would have matching characters. That’s something a boyfriend would do, right?

You were the outgoing one between the pair of you 

So you were out at a party for your best friend’s birthday, while he was playing LOLOL in his apartment 

He could tell you were drinking, and he tried not to worry when your texts stopped coming in 

But he was getting more and more frustrated with the game- his mind going back to you the whole time 

Then there was a banging against his door 

He jumped, his legs hitting the desk as he stared at the door. 

Was he really going to be killed before he got a girlfriend?

“Yoooooooosung!” 

Wait... that was your voice 

He practically ripped off his headset off of his head and ran to his door 

You smiled, and Yoosung could see a small stain of alcohol on your shirt, before throwing your arms around him

“MC... Are you okay?” 

“I missed you! Did you miss me?” 

“O-of course, I missed you.” 

You smiled up at him. “You’re so sweet, ~~~honey~~~” 

He practically melted. “Are you okay?” 

Instead of answering, you leaned up and captured his mouth in a kiss. 

He froze, eyes wide as your lips moved against his. Before he could react you pulled away with a grimace on your face. “I’m tired now.” 

“You can sleep in my room. I’ll take the couch.” He muttered

“Ahhhhhhhh, you’re such a gentleman, Yoosungie!” you yelled, not controlling your volume, “You’re so cute.” 

Yoosung’s face was painted red as he led you to his bedroom and pulled his blanket over you. “Sleep well.” 

Maybe he should ask you out...

Jumin 

The only time Jumin was the one who initiated any physical contact was when he kissed you in front of Sarah Choi 

You made sure to cherish it in the moment, knowing it wouldn’t happen again. But as soon as it was over, you created an iron cast around it and banished it to the far corner of your mind. Never to be thought of again.

Neither of you mention it the rest of the time you stay at his penthouse 

You support him, but neither of you cross that line between friendship and romance 

V is visiting for their wine night when Jumin opens the messenger and sees that you’re online 

And he gets the softest smile V has ever seen,,, and he has to butt in because this is ridiculous now 

“Jumin, may I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” 

“How would you describe your relationship with MC?” 

“She’s one of my dearest friends. MC’s very smart, kind, and understanding. In retrospect, I’m surprised she was so open to staying at my penthouse for as long as she did. She’s a really good person,” 

“Hmmm... have you ever considered the nature of your relationship?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s just that I feel like you have a certain softness for her-” 

“Of course. She’s my friend-” 

“-A softness that you don’t show for me. Or your father. Or anyone that I’ve seen you with now that I think about it.” 

“What are you trying to imply?” 

“I think you have feelings for her.” 

After that, Jumin began to notice how his heartbeat changed around. How he got more excited when he was calling you than with other people. How your voice could ease the tension out of his shoulders. 

He had read a couple romance stories in his lifetime,,, was this called love? 

Well now... he had to figure out how to date you

Over the next week he dropped questions in the messenger for you 

What’s your favorite flower?

What’s your favorite food? 

Do you prefer piano or violin music? 

You weren’t sure what he was planning- just that he was planning something 

You showed up at his house in a dress (he told you it wasn’t a casual dinner), expecting a dinner party. Only to find him alone 

“Hi Jumin. What’s the occasion?” 

“I just wanted to spend time with you,”

Cue heart palpitations 

Although you were blushing from having his gaze focused on you

And the candles, and food, and classical music… it felt like it was crossing that line you inched towards but never stepped over 

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been acting different this past week, as well as tonight.” 

“I have, I was actually worried something might be wrong,” you confessed

“Nothing’s wrong, at least I hope it isn’t wrong in your eyes as well… I have feelings for you MC,” 

What?

There was a line between you and him- one you had been told over and over again by everyone (including him) that was never to be crossed

Jumin isn’t interested in that sort of relationship

A whisper so low that even you could barely hear it. “What kind of feelings?” 

This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be true. You were just looking into things too muc- 

“Romantic feelings. I would even say that they border on love, but I would never say that to you without knowing your emotions.” 

He could see the chaos being projected from your thoughts into your eyes, causing him to reach across the table and grab your hand. 

He had kinda cold hands… 

“You don’t have to answer right no-,” 

“I have those feelings too,” you interrupted before looking at him, shock still evident on your face. “But please consider that-until this very moment- I never thought they would ever be reciprocated. You said you never considered a romantic relationship, and everyone reminded me of that, so this doesn’t feel completely real right now.” 

“I assure you it is real.” 

You finally smiled, and Jumin’s shoulders finally relaxed 

“Let’s just take it slow then?” 

“As slow as you need, my love.” 

Saeyoung

He had been in the apartment for a day and incessantly pushing you away 

He was dangerous. His life was complicated. He couldn’t keep you safe. 

“I can never make you happy MC.” 

You had woken up at 2 a.m. and all you could hear him still tapping away on his keyboard from his spot on the couch 

There was probably a Seven-sized dent in the cushion already

You walked over and sat next to him. His fingers stalled typing for a moment before continuing, his eyes never stopping their glare towards the screen 

“Seven... “ 

“MC, I told you I can’t-” 

“Just listen for 5 minutes okay?” you snapped. He didn’t acknowledge you, but he also didn’t snap back. So that was a win 

“I don’t know everything about what happened with the bomb and the hacker and your brother right now, but I know V knew about it-” 

His fingers finally ceased typing. 

“-I don’t know if it’s his fault, I don’t want to believe it is. But you can’t deny that he knew it. And things got worse and have spiraled to how they are now because he wanted to take responsibility for it all- all by himself. He took all of the weight of all of these secrets, and that’s why things are like this now- at least partially.” 

“Yeah… you’re right about that,” he sighed. 

“I’m not asking for a relationship. Hell, if you don’t even want a friendship that’s fine with me. But whether you like it or not, I’m a part of this now. I have been ever since I answered that first message…” Seven turned to look at you. “Please don’t make that same mistake as V. Share the burden of this with me. Share the weight. I’m not asking you to make me happy, just let me help you right now,” 

Seven reached for your hand, and that was when you noticed you had been picking at your nails. He dropped his head to the back of the couch to look at you; his face only a breath away from yours “I want this too, ya know?” 

“I know.” 

“I can’t.” 

“What about just this once?” you whispered, “We’re alone. No one has to know. And it never has to happen again.” 

Despite his mind screaming at him not to, he leaned in and kissed you. Transmitting all of the emotions he couldn’t speak to you, yet you understood it. His other hand came to cup the back of your head, pulling you as close as possible. 

Neither of you spoke of it after that night. He told you everything though, at least everything he could uncover. 

And when Saeran came back, you were the one who listened to Saeyoung when he broke down about his fears. That he would never get his brother back again. That the Prime Minister would find them. Or that his brother might be right… he might be undeserving 

Over a (VERY) long time, the brothers found their own normal. Found their own path to peace, they hadn’t reached the end yet but knew that they would. 

Saeran could now accept going to therapy, and he was making his own progress. 

And despite all of the chaos of his life, you stayed there. 

You were constant. You were his best friend. Never asking for anything more than to share his life with you- simply because he mattered to you. 

And finally… after his brother could finally get a full night’s rest, his mind traveled back to that night in Rika’s apartment

He wanted nothing more than to recreate it. 

He wasn’t sure if you still felt the same way, but he promised to be honest with you. So he had to try. 

Saeyoung convinced Saeran to go out for the night and then his plan was in motion 

He had put night light space/star stickers on the ceiling of the bunker’s living room. He made a pillow fort and had a queue of all of your favorite movies. 

Then the doorbell rang. And the last time he had been this nervous was when he was infiltrating Mint Eye. 

You smiled at him as you walked inside. “I have standard sleepover attire packed. And I brought Saeran’s favorite ice cream, since they didn’t have it last time.” 

“Saeran actually isn’t here.” 

You scrunched your eyebrows. “Why?” 

“He went out with some friends from that gardening thing he joined.” 

“Oh, I’ll put this in the fridge then,” you said, “What’s the itinerary for tonight?” 

“Standard junk food, including all of your favorites!” he said as he dragged you from the fridge to the kitchen, “And then a movie marathon! Plus my favorite attraction!” 

He pointed up, and a bright smile appeared as you stared at the neon stickers. “Our very own solar system,” you admired. 

“I’ll give you the entire galaxy if that’s what you want.”

You went to ask him when he cupped your face, leaning his face towards yours. Your hands grabbed his jacket instinctively. 

“Do you remember that night?” His eyes traveled from your lips to your eyes. 

“Our ‘once’?” He nodded. “Of course I remember.” 

“What if I don’t want it to be our ‘once’ anymore?” 

You took in a deep breath to calm down your heart. “What would you make it then?” 

“Our beginning?” he mused with a small smile. A smile he didn’t think would grow fully, but… fuck… he wanted it to grow fully. “A beginning without an end.” 

You smiled fully at him. Your tense shoulders relaxing as you shook your head. Your chest light. 

Without words, you answered by pulling him in. Finally continuing on your story with him, as the neon dollar store stars shined above you.

[otome-silvynne]

Thoughts on Saeran's After End

Okay I think I've finally got my thoughts together enough to write this lol. I will try to keep it as organised as possible!

CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SAERAN'S AE

TL;DR - I loved the amount of work put into this AE. The CGs and new sprites were absolutely stunning (not the hands) but I wasn't a huge fan of some of the writing choices.

Okay let's start this mess of a post with what I liked about the AE!

The new CGs, sprites, and emojis. I loved every single (positive) CG even though the art style changed a lot. Some of them were so cute I wanted to cry and Saeran's new sprites fit him really well I think. Though the crying one made my heart hurt 🥺

The length. Cheritz went above and beyond when it came to the length of the AE. I was really expecting it to be episodic like V's but the fact that it's a mini route was a cool surprise!

Calls/texts. The Cheritz team added a tonne of extra calls for this AE and though I've only seen the ones my friends have shared, there are some super cool ones that add interesting perspectives on the plot.

Good End/Normal End. I have some issues with the plot which I'll get to in the next section, but I really really loved the good end and normal end for the AE. They were both so heart-warming but I do think that a combination of both would have been the best ending.

Jumin Han. This poor poor man went through so much during this AE but holy crap did it make me love him even more. He really had some amazing character development and even though he was in a crisis, he still did everything in his power to help Saeran and MC and I think it really showed just how deep his loyalty goes. I love him.

Okay so this is where I get kind of ranty. Apologies in advance.

I find the plot of this AE to be unideal in... many ways. Though it was satisfying to finally have it after waiting so long I really wish they had done some things different, so let's get into it.

V. My #1 issue with the writing is what they did to Jihyun's characterization. It just really was not fair in the slightest and in my opinion it wasn't entirely accurate to him. (Feel free to call me out for being biased, I have role-played as this man for years now.) V and Saeran are actually tied as my favourite characters so as you could guess the prologue for this hurt me so so so bad. V never seemed like the type of man to turn on his friends like that. Not even for Rika or his obsession with her - he has always made shitty decisions or has been mysterious, but he would never betray them like that and he was never straight up evil like he sometimes seems to be in this. That man was not Jihyun to me - it was like he was a stranger.

Guilt tripping. There are multiple moments in the AE where they mention that "maybe V wouldn't have turned out that way if he met someone like MC" and it's kind of bullshit. It feels like they're blaming the player for choosing Saeran over Jihyun when they really shouldn't be - both are amazing characters and there is no reason the AE should have that kind of undertone at all. I might make another post about V if anyone wants to hear my opinion in more depth lol.

Forgiveness/Healing. Cheritz hasn't always been the best at portraying trauma and we know this but I felt like I should mention it anyway. This AE takes place two weeks after the end of Saeran's route. Keeping this in mind, every single interaction he has with Rika in the AE is just... unimaginable. For years he was brainwashed and manipulated by that woman and yet it seems like he feels nothing when he sees her again even though she has done unspeakable things to him. Realistically he would have felt fear or hatred or anything at all. I understand they said he healed a lot but completely getting over it? In two weeks?? I don't think so man.

PM/The agency. I feel like the focus should have been on them a bit more during the whole thing. A lot of the focus of the writing was on Rika and V when they were the least of the RFA's problems - they were dangerous and outright insane, but they wouldn't have killed anyone like the other antagonists.

Pain. Out of every single piece of media I've ever consumed - game or otherwise - this is the only thing that ever gave me physical chest pain from how upsetting it was. It made me so anxious I could not sleep at times and generally stressed me out lol. Some would probably see this as good writing or something impressive but it just felt awful for me because of how long we waited for this to come out. I was looking forward to seeing Saeyoung's rescue and everyone living happily (which is sort of the point of an AE, right?) but there was just so much heartache in between that it almost didn't feel worth it when I finally did get to the end.

BR End. I'm sure you all know the one lol cough collar cough cough and lord why on Earth is it so incredibly easy to get by accident? I got 100% on all three days when I played and still got it anyway - it sucks man. I had to start over and go through all of the stress mentioned above again and it wore me down. That being said, I do like how you're free (and expected) to be suspicious of Rika and V instead of forgiving them for literally drugging the entire RFA and making deals with criminals. Thanks man. Wish we didn't have to see them and the PM forgiven in the end anyway though :)

Okay /rant lmao. Obviously this is all a shortened version of my thoughts and it's still pretty long but I'm glad I could at least express this much. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this and I'd be glad to discuss more with other fans through DM or something and see other opinions. If you're interested you could message me here or @silvynne and if you read this far you are probably insane but also awesome so thank you.

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait Reacts To The AE 5/?

Hi! These reactions are written out every time a Chatroom opens and it’s done over the course of the day. So, you’re watching me react in real time as it is for me. So, Spoilers AHOY. Expect Another post like this later today, there is just too many chats to put it all in one post. So, hey, if you click this, you’re opening yourself to spoilers, you make the choice.

[11:37] 

Rika is with Saeyoung. They sent him over and there’s no denying that fact. She sends a picture not even a second after we can enter the chatroom and lets us know that he’s with him. I didn’t know that it would happen this fast and my real fear right now was something I thought about when they took Saeyoung in the first place and he was willing to go down for Saeran and the player. My brain said, when they send him to Rika, this is going to be like what happened in the Hunger Games with Peeta and the tracker jackers. I know that he’s going to tell lies and be willing to go along with it, but this is Rika. 

Rika will manipulate and hurt others to get what she wants. I don’t care if she says she’s changed. She’s showing us who she really is and how she has not changed in the slightest, and now it’s even worse because we have to go up against her once again and V. V, I’m not even going to get started. You’ve dug a hole in the sand and shoved your head in, no matter what happens, you would never be able to remove Saeran or Saeyoung from the agency, the Prime Minister or Rika. 

Rika makes her point really clear. She says that the boys will never be able to change their fate or escape. The Prime Minister wants to use them and it does not matter what happens, they’re going to come after Saeran. They’re going to keep them “healthy” enough to go out in public and lie to the media and the world about what’s really happening. Saejoong promised the agency a lot of money and things are going to burn down if we cannot change anything. We have a good picture. 

The boys are going to be kept captive until they die, or serve their purpose. I’m just so fucking angry right now at Rika and everyone that uses these poor boys because they don’t fucking deserve this. Stop making me right with my guesses, Cheritz. I guess I know Rika better than I want. What stands out the most is the fact that Rika does this after you say that you don’t trust her with the boys: 

Rika: I know why you think that.

Rika: But Now...

Rika: I have no intention of repeating my past failures. 

And then, she does this and that tells me all I need to know: 

It wasn’t enough that Saeyoung was willing to burn to ashes in the light of your sun, Rika. You’re going to do to him what you did to Saeran. You haven’t at all changed and you’ve proven to me what kind of person you are. This isn’t okay and it will never okay. This isn’t what they want and if you really cared for both Saeyoung and Saeran, you wouldn’t be doing this. You wouldn’t be trying to do this at all.

You would be helping us. 

Not making deals. 

Anyways... after I nearly snapped my phone in half because Rika was getting on my nerves again. I opened the Visual Novel. We’re meeting with Vanderwood now to talk about what happened... yeah, the trust is very thin here but it’s all we have and got to do what we can. Vanderwood makes it clear that he’s with Rika and that yes, they’ll be after Saeran once they get Elizabeth.

So, Elly is in danger now. But, we can’t worry about that right now. We have to worry about Saeyoung. Vanderwood reveals that Saeyoung is being kept at V’s place in the mountains, there’s agents in and out constantly. My trust in V is so low right now because he can’t change what’s happening, he’s just letting it go on and... I’m upset with him, I’m disappointed, and it’s complicated. Trust me, leaving a bad relationship isn’t easy but his eyes are dark and sullen.

 He’s resigned himself and I don’t know if he can come back from this anymore. 

Either way, Vanderwood is willing to sneak us into the place. It’s going to be easy for Saeran, but... sorry players that don’t identify as female, but it says that female agents aren’t common and we’re going to have to split up. As in, we can’t be with Saeran by his side. We’ll have to be with Vanderwood and use them as a cover to sneak in. 

What’s worse is Saeran... knows that with the drugs, they’re going to try and really warp Saeyoung like they did to him. I fear for him 

I really don’t want to separate from him. But, it’s all we have to do. Saeran asks if we want to go back to C&R again, but I just. I can’t leave him. I don’t know if it is the right thing to do here, but if we’re going down, we’re going down together and I can’t leave him alone. We’ve always been in this together and we need to see it through to the end. 

I just... there’s agents switching out every two days. It’s like a prison. I don’t even know what to think. We have to part. Saeran doesn’t want to do it. I want to hold his hand, like I said, I’ve told him that we’re in this together and that gives me a heart so that’s a good thing. All I know is that we’re clinging together with this hope that we can be together and Saeyoung will be safe too... 

And then we cut back to the boardroom of C&R. They’re planning on getting rid of Chairman Han and Jumin. They know that there’s not really any way to come back from what’s happening right now. Everyone thinks that they shouldn’t have even done this because the Prime Minister is involved with a lot of shady groups and they’re not wrong. It’s looking bad for Jumin. I don’t know how this is going to turn out to be honest with you. 

I’m worried about everyone. 

[13:15]

Oh, boy. This was a heavy chatroom and visual novel. I cannot even express to you what was going on inside of my head because I’m still reeling from what’s to happening and what’s to come and what may not come. I don’t know, I actually thought I hit bad ending when I got to the visual novel but I didn’t, so it must be the natural order of what’s happening. Anyway, Jumin’s awake now and he is... I don’t know how he keeps himself together, I envy that. He says he will not show his feelings in this messenger where the enemies can see it. 

But, he’s been stabbed in the back by the people he trusted most, and he’s losing everything that he ever had, and he still wishes that he could do more to help Saeran and Saeyoung. We can’t tell them completely what happened, not really, you can say what you know about the deal with the Prime Minister but not much else. You need to make sure that you’re watching what you share. The video that Saeyoung did... they saw it, and it’s just... wrecking everything so fast and hard.

Zen actually tries to reach out to Jumin but... he says in a text later than he’s never seen him so broken up before. I hate to see it. I really do. I don’t want that for them but we’re crashing right now and I’m struggling to see how we’re going to get our way out. Jumin wants answers from his father so he has to leave and see him about the deal with Seven, etc. We wish him the best but... God, I feel bad. 

This Visual Novel makes you hate and scream and cry all at the same time. There is just too much happening all at once for me to deal with it, to be utterly honest with you. Jumin goes to the board and he resigns before they can get him off the job. He takes everything. He takes all of the blame. He says that it is his fault. He was leading the RFA. He was doing this, he was doing that. He takes it and lets it be. It kind of hurts, he’s keeping it all balled up inside at this point and... I don’t know. 

I hate to see it. He’s doing this... and he needs to see his father, now. I have a hard time trying to think about how Jumin is going to come out of this. I don’t know how he’s going to react because... with V’s Route and Secret Endings, it was a lot different and it was more fixated on Rika. It wasn’t like this. It wasn’t him being stabbed by Rika, V, the Prime Minister, and the Agency. He risked all he has and all he knows for us. 

He always will. 

Don’t ever doubt that faith he has in the RFA. 

I just... hate to see him hurting when he wants to continue to help us no matter the cost. 

We go with Vanderwood and Saeran has gone his own way for the time being so we can get things done... or so we want to think. I was really kind of rooting for you, Vanderwood, but I’m not upset that you wound up tricking me here for your life. They make it clear they’ll do things but they’re not gonna die for anyone or anything. I’m upset but I’m not mad at them like I’m mad at Rika or V right now cause I know what they’re up against. 

To be fair, I’m not totally... well, I think Vanderwood let Saeran get away here, but we also know that we can be used as leverage against Saeran. It’s kind of hard to say where it’s heading from here. I’m straining, but I know that Rika is going to try to manipulate us to get Saeran too. I refuse. At least Vanderwood felt a bit of remorse for this. 

But, Rika? No. Not with what I see. She planned this out. They all knew what they could do if they got Saeran and us. However, they only got us. But, I know this woman is going to use that to get what she wants. I don’t know what to expect but maybe we can find Saeyoung and... talk to him, I don’t know how he will be or how might play out because... the drugs.

I’m still trying to discern what poisons she’s using but I’ve yet to discern what type of plants are involved in my research thus far when I’m not writing out these as I’m playing. 

I can’t leave out the phone call because. V calls. V calls and he’s... I don’t know what the heck is up with him. I don’t know how... I don’t know what’s going on in his head and that really bothers me. This chat has two notes in it that really are bothering me. They are on opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of what he is doing. I’m having a hard time trying to read V and this is a first for me because I’m used to knowing what he is going to do but I’ve hit a wall. 

There is a part of him that knows this is wrong. But, he is denying his reality as he lets Rika into his heart thinking this is the only way to save her and to ensure nothing worse happens. I don’t know how much he’s lying to himself here about this. I think he’s just... lost, broken and. It’s hard to say, if this was all he said to me then I wouldn’t be so livid. If you know it’s wrong, stop this, stop doing all of this and stop Rika, V. 

You know it’s not right. Stop letting this happen. 

How am I supposed to feel about this V? You act like you’re caring but then you tell me something you would have told Rika years ago...? You like to watch me? What the fuck does that even mean? I’m not interested in what you’re selling to me here and I don’t want this. I won’t give up Saeran nor will I let Rika have him, I don’t know what’s wrong with you and why you’ve become who you have, I do not know nor did I ever think this was the extreme length of what you would do for Rika. 

I never thought you’d be an active player in this. But, you are. So, I’m torn here quite a bit and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust you again, V. You said you want Saeran to come. You know what happens if he does. I will not let that ever happen. Nobody will get him. 

God, what’s worse is: 

Of course. Saeyoung isn’t going to be the same if Rika gets her way, and we both know it. He’s not going to “stay that way” because she’s going to get him everything she did to Saeran and more. I’m not going to let that happen, either, I’m not going to let these boys hurt. I’m not changing my mind. Nobody is going to trick me with mind games. Been there, done that, Rika is about two decades too late. 

Yikes, you know? What the hell, man. 

[15:33]  Vanderwood is in trouble. They were meant to give us both over but he made sure that Saeran was gone and safe. We were the easier option hand over since we don’t really hold a lot of power or use in a way, they just need us to be able to get to Saeran and that makes sense, frankly. 

They’re... forlorn in a way, and I was right, they are willing to go out on a limb but they’re not going to die. They have been living this long and did whatever it took to survive. 

From a personal safety means, I understand why they’re doing it. I know that they do feel remorse. So, that sucks. I want to be able to help them too because they rightly deserve to be out of this. Oh, and we learn that they’ve been at this for twelve years, so in my mental game of trying to gauge their age, I’m roughly gonna say late-late twenties and early thirties. 

So, that’s something fun that we’re learning here! I don’t think I’m that far off, they said “Since they were young,” so that implies that they went through what Saeyoung went through. Saeyoung went in when he was really young as well so I have to gauge their age using that scale, you know? 

Well, I have to at least say that I better understand them than I did before and I learned a lot from this conversation. 

Oh, great. It’s my favorite time of day. Not. We’re sitting down with Rika and she’s made a point of warning us not to bother with Saeyoung. He’s getting to sleep while they’re pumping him with... I don’t know if we can call it the elixir but it’s something of the same caliber because Saeran is nearly immune to it after it was laced in the elixir. He took it so long that his tolerance of such is slim to none and that’s why their plan didn’t work from the start. Rika knows that Saeran isn’t going to leave us or Saeyoung.

I won’t feed into her, and I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten hearts when I’m utterly blunt with Rika. I appreciate that. This is a much better tone than what I had to deal with in V’s AE. I don’t want to forgive her and I never will, because she is proving to do this over and over again until she’s forced to stop, literally, by being taken away. 

I have a better idea of what’s going on with Rika now, though, thanks to her being her usual self. She tells outright what she’s thinking right now and makes her phone clear that she thinks she’s fulfilling Saeyoung’s dream, but we see the truth in her lies. This isn’t about Saeyoung. You can tell her that bluntly. This is not the boy’s dream. This is what you want. This was never about them. This is about what you want. 

You’re doing this for you and not the boys. If you tell her that, she sighs, and makes a point about how the world is harsh. She says if you want to be knocked down then you should bend, and if you want to be strong, then that means that you need to join the strongest, no matter how much that means the monsters are... the worst people alive. 

She says she and V decided to do this. I’m still trying to figure out V here but I’m not going to trust him anymore. I know I can’t trust Rika. I’ve known that from the very start. Rika just says that this is a waiting game after this, she says it’s only a matter of time until Saeran comes... tonight... tomorrow. It matters not, he is going to come and she will have him as she wants him. It ends with her telling us to wait, shall we?

Oh, and Jumin’s new of resigning is on television, we know now. We know things are doomed. 

I’m relieved after this wave of nausea, because Saeran calls. He escaped because of Vanderwood and he’s back to C&R. Nobody knows where he is and it needs to stay that way. He talked to Jumin. He’s made sure that nobody can try to trace him. Saeran thinks that Jumin is going to continue to try to help us just without C&R funds... and I expect that, I think. But at the same time, I’m really worried given what Zen said earlier. 

Saeran’s decided that the way to save Saeyoung is defeating Saejoong and the agency, and I agree. Our future has no hope unless they burn. He does his best to reassure us. He knows that they won’t hurt us... he wants to think they won’t hurt us because they want him, and until they have him, they can’t do anything to us. 

I think what I fear the most here is that... they’re not going to let me go. I know he wants to be hopeful but. They’re not going to let me go if they catch him. It’s obvious they’ll kill me and get me out of the way the second they get the chance, or worse, they’ll use the player as leverage to get Saeran to obey onward until the drugs are back in his system like they’re trying to do to Saeyoung or—

God, what if they try to drug us, too? 

What if we’re pawns as well? 

It isn’t up to V and Rika, after all. This is the Prime Minister. 

[yourcasualhomie]

✨ Mystic Messenger headcanon ✨

• No spoilers (I still haven't played his route)

• Angst, angst and angst.

V/Jihyun's mind is still stucked in between Rika and MC, but when you have conflicts between your past and present. Doesn't it means that you're still not over everything that has happened?

:) It is unbearable (:

(Jihyun x MC )

It was just another lazy morning when V and you woke up, with a little kiss on each other's cheeks.

You were in the kitchen, thinking about everything going on in your mind, as you flip the pancake.

After keeping the pancakes on the table, and you both sat on the chairs(I can imagine their house being minimal, artistic yet aesthetic.)

You were busy playing with the fork and food, as if the pancakes didn't reached your standard.

• "Mc?" V called out, with his calm voice. You looked up from the plate into his eyes and a tear made it's way down your cheek.

• "Mc.., you are you okay? I mean, did you burned your hand or maybe someone said something?"

• V bombarded you with questions in 2x speed trying to look calm and got up from his chair, coming towards the corner of your chair.

• You started looking back at the plate, and asked "Do you love me?" in such a low voice that it almost sounded like a whisper.

• "What?" V asked, even thou he kinda heard you said.

• Do you 'actually' love me? You repeated but this time, a little more firmly.

• "Just say no, if you don't and I'll leave. There's no use of crying over spilled milk, is there?" You told him, while shooting glares at him.

And as he was about to say something, you continued again.

• "And please, don't. Just don't lie, please.."

you warned him, as you were already so tired of him feeding you lies just because he was conflicted between you and Rika.

• "I.. I'm.. I'm trying." V replied, with all honesty.

• "But please give me a little more time? I, I'm all yours. It's just.. it's just that I need a little more time maybe."

• How should I forgive you for giving me hopes and never actually loving me back? It's all just a lot for me. Your mind said, whereas your lips stated that

• "I'm trying to understand you, V but I just can't. I genuinely can't, no matter how much I try to understand that little mind of yours.

Or should I say that I'm fucking aware of the lies you're feeding me just because of your bad decision making and hiding it all using time as an excuse?"

• "I.." V tried cutting you in between but you weren't stable.

• You started speaking in a little louder voice than normal.

• "No, please no. Not again. Not more lies jeez! You can't always escape from the truth." And the hurricane of tears rushed towards you.

• "You just can't!" You stood up on your chair as well, with salty tears and slammed your hand on the table.

Honestly, this was the very first argument where you were actually heated up because you both have always been extremely calmful.

You sat back on the chair again, whereas V sat on the floor Infront of you holding your hands, as if his life depends on them.

• You sobbed into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at his shoulders. And he held you in silence.

• Your tears soaked his shirt, your howls of misery worsening and the pain making it hard for V while you were taking short pauses for recovering breaths, and then you distanced herself back. (These lines were kinda inspired by someone and I barely remember who)

In between sobs and hiccups, you said. • "Let's.. let's just talk okay? I.. I can't share you. Just as weird as it sounds it's the truth because I can't constantly think of myself as a competition."

• "I'm a human who needs love, not a toy who should be scared of his owner to abandon him anytime."

You took a deep breath and continued,

• "I love you, and I will always. I.. I promise, you've to be one of the bestest thing in my life but it hurts a little too much, A little too much."

• "The more I try to control myself, the more it hurts me when you dream about Rika and call her name after waking up.

• It hurts me more and more, when I see you seeing the memories, pictures, reading the texts of Rika. But it's okay, I get that you can't get over it.

• It's life, not a fictional fanfic where everything gets better all of a sudden. But.. how can I give you time when the time I'm giving you to move on from her is being used for sexual interaction between you and Rika."

And this was the time when it all came up to V as for why you were reacting the way you were.

It wasn't like he wanted to cheat you, he knew you're one of the most amazing thing he'll ever get but at that time all he knew was Rika and Rika. and he made a mistake, or should I say he repeated his mistakes and repeatedly felt guilty about it.

But in the end, it became a habit loop.

Him, going to the asylum. Visiting Rika, her kissing him and him getting more into the heat and it smh started becoming a daily thing

where his love for Rika triggers him, they have sexual interactions and he gains pleasure which results in guilt and the chain continues.

It finally felt like that mask of guilt and pleasure, was finally over and now he had to show his real face to you.

But was he ready for that?

Or was he ready to loose you just because of that?

Because no matter how much he tried to control, he just couldn't move on.

• "Jihyun" you said, with low yet firm voice filled with sweetness and at the same time, coming from your heartbroken soul.

• "I.. I don't know MC. I just can't control myself, I just can't find a way. But I'm trying, I am. And.. and.. and I promise I'll get better, I'll get better for you, for me.

• I'll get better in order to get it all done. In order, to give YOU all my love. Iloveyou but my mind just doesn't know how to control itself. Please.."

V pleaded and squeezed your hands.

"I love you." You replied, and after a second of silence you continued.

• "I genuinely do. I want you to be happy, because you totally deserve that. I swear, you do and I might never stop loving you, you know?

• But I've always believed that if someone has to think about choosing you then it means you still don't have their heart truly.

• And.. and it's understandable. Love isn't a quiz right? Where you just tick and cross and tick and cross and then think about the right conclusion."

Even you weren't getting what you were speaking, but you had to speak your heart.

• "Please please please, don't leave me MC. I.. I get that okay? I. . I allowed her to ruin my mind but but I won't okay? I'll I'll forget her, forget it please."

• "I.. I don't blame her V and neither do I blame you, Not at all because why would I? I know it's not easy to leave someone you love so much because I love Someone too.

• I love you but I can't do it all anymore. I can't be a part of all these choices and competition. I might not be good enough for you, and maybe you might found someone new.

• A good and happy beginning, and I genuinely pray you get that even if i'm nowhere in that happy beginning because.. because it hurts a little too much in order to stay.

And if I've to be more honest. It has become unbearable.

You stood up, and perhaps this was the last time you saw V before leaving his house, forever.

And perhaps, it was all for the best.

~~~~~~~

Feel free to lemme know if you actually want an aftermath, because I've already made the aftermath scenario in my head and I'm totally enjoying it (;

@buddhajourney 's series where Rika comes back and MC gets left out inspired me for this fanfic, and it is so good and angsty that I actually started crying and it literally made me hate Yoosung (i'msosorrybutyoosungrikaisnotafuckingangel,pleaseno)

[zensbae]

Emotions rule over the night

~{What if you ignore Jaehee and go to meet Zen in secret when it first comes up? Spoilers for Zen's route}~

Pairing: Zen x mc

General - slice of life, bit of fluff

2089 Words

You've just wrapped up the last of your email replies for the day, it's getting late.. you look out the window of the apartment to see a full moon begin to rise, "Wow, it's so beautiful.. I wonder what Zen's up to?" leaning back in your computer chair, you sigh softly.

Your phone ringtone suddenly sounds off, screen illuminated with Zen's name and profile picture. You smile and flick accept, but in the process you launch your phone off the desk and onto the floor beneath you.

Scrambling out of your chair, picking it up, you bump your head on the desk, "Aaaiish-!"

"Is everything okay, Jagiya? Did I call at a bad time..?"

"No, no it's fine! Sorry I threw my phone when I went to answer;; I was surprised you called. Uhm, I was literally just thinking of you.." The words tumble out as you try to stand up again.

"I was looking at the moon and thinking of you too, Jagi." He says softer than his usual tone.

A warm tingle brushes your cheeks, "No way, that's what I was doing when you called, we really are connected aren't we?"

A soft laugh escapes his lips on the other side of the line, "I told you, physically we may be apart, but we're always connected~"

"Well next time I want to call you first, lovely Zen~"

"Aah, I really like it when you call me that.." He says with a sigh. You can imagine him blushing, which makes you blush.

"Oh-! Hey, so, the reason I called is... I meant what I said before about not listening to the others. I really want to meet you.. what do you think of that?" he breaths out wistfully

"Yes!! I really want to see you! But do I go to you, or do we meet in the middle since you can't come to me?" You say, leaning forward in your computer chair, elbows on your desk.

"We could meet for coffee in the middle, and go from there?" Zen says,

"Hmm, let me see.." You say, pulling up Zen's address from his fan page, he's actually pretty far away.

"There is a SirenCoffee at [names the address], that is about halfway, I think.."

"If I took the subway I could make it that far.." he says

"Uhm, is that okay with your ankle though, am I being too inconsiderate..? We can meet closer to you.." concern beginning to nip at your conscience.

"Babe, my ankle will be fine, I want to go to you so badly I couldn't stand it if I didn't try. I would rather go closer to you regardless, a lady shouldn't really be out late by herself.."

"Oh, you meant tonight?!" You gasp and stand up from your desk

"Yeah.. i-is that too soon?"

Twisting your hair in your fingers, you bite your lip, "No, I just thought maybe you meant tomorrow.."

"The reason I was thinking tonight, is it's less likely one of the others might see us or notice our absence from the chat?" He puffs out a breath, and inhales again, it sounds like he's outside.

"Zen, are you smoking?"

"Yeah; I'm sorry, I can't help it right now, Jagi. I'm tired of holding still.. I can't exercise, or practice the dances for my new role.." he admits begrudgingly, you hear him sniffle, "I've never had to be so still before, it's hard. I'm kind of pathetic, right?"

"No, never! Cheer up, Zenny, I want to see you tonight.. so put your cig out and get ready to go to the subway station."

"Oh! Oh my God, really?!" You hear some shuffling, the scratching of a cigarette being put out.. a door opening, "Umm.. but I meant it when I said I didn't want you going too far at night;; Let's meet closer to you."

"Okay so how about we meet at [address of closer SirenCoffee], is that too far for you?"

"No, no not at all! I work close to there fairly often actually!" He laughs, "So.. what do I look for so I know it's you?"

"I can't tell you, it's a secret~" you quip, getting a whine out of the actor in response.

"B-but Jagiya, that isn't faaair, you know what I look like.."

"You'll just have to wait and see~! I'm getting ready to head out now, see you soon!"

"Okay see you soon, babe!" he responds

You smile to yourself and hang up, so you can start getting ready.

~*~*~*~

You've been walking about 5 minutes, and you hear your phone ping, a text! It's from Zen, he sent a selfie of himself waiting for the train, it makes you blush because he sent this one to you personally and not in the chat room.

You reply, ">_< I'm almost there, warn me next time you're sending a selfie so I don't fall in the street!"

You get a, "Ooh, Jagi!! You should be more careful, this is a problem.." in response.

"Or you could not send me selfies when you're going to see me in 10 minutes?" Laughing, you roll your eyes and tuck your phone back in your pocket.

First one to arrive at the coffee shop is you. Ohhh, this is perfect, you think to yourself.

Sitting at one of the tables facing the street, you flick your lock screen and wait, he's sent you several more texts. This boy is going to be the end of you, making you giggle at your phone like an idiot in public. You get engrossed in trying to bypass the app to get a teaser pic sent to Zen.. should you just send a text directly to him outside the app? That should work.. but what kind of pic do you send?

...

A familiar voice hums out behind you.

Turning to look, you see that handsome face you've grown attached to.

"Well? I found you without seeing a picture! Are you impressed, jagiya?"

"Is that why you texted so much?" a tinge of red dusts your cheeks, "but wait- how did you sneak up on me with crutches?!"

"I've been practicing~" He winks at you.

You gently extend your hand to him, "I'm mc, it's a pleasure to meet you~" taking your hand in his, he gently shakes it.

"Aaah.. it's so nice to meet you. You're cute.. so much cuter, than what I imagined." he grins at you, a light blush dusting his cheeks as well.

Zen is so stunning in person, his silver hair shines in the light, giving off an ethereal glow. He's wearing a charcoal grey hoodie, white v-neck t-shirt peeking from underneath, and black jeans. His frame is lean but toned, just the perfect balance. The crutches and boot cast look so out of place.

"Wooow, you're so handsome in person... ah, but where are my manners? Please sit! Let me know what you want to order!" You say, gesturing to the seat.

"Aaa, it makes me so happy hearing that from you, thank you Jagiya~"

He takes a seat, you move aside to take his crutches and lean them against the wall beside him. He gets his wallet out and palms money off to you, "I'm taking care of this, so don't worry about the cost for yours, okay? I'll just have a hot coffee with a splash of cream."

That smile, it makes you weak in the knees. Is this real, is he real? You just smile and nod, turning to go to the counter. Feeling his gaze on you makes you smile, and suddenly you're too aware of yourself at the same time. So you order an iced drink, cause it's hot in here.

Bringing the drinks back to your table, you place his in front of him, "It's because you smoke isn't it? Isn't that the cliche.. black coffee and cigarettes?"

This gets a laugh out of the actor, "Doesn't it break the cliche because I had cream added though?"

"Potentially.."

"I want to quit, you know.. it's just hard, I've done things on my own for so long I need a fall back when the stress gets to be too much. So I smoke, and I drink beer at home." He lets out a sigh, "Is it not admirable that I do those things, and not seek out worse things for stress relief?"

"VERY admirable yeah! For as attractive as you are you aren't a player" You stifle a laugh, and clear your throat, taking a drink of your coffee.

"Ohhh this is good! Do you want to try it??" You ask leaning toward him. He nods and takes your straw in his mouth, "Mmm.. cinnamon?"

"Yeah! It's not too overpowering and it highlights the taste of the coff..ee-" You're staring at his lips. Indirect kiss. It's so cliche, but it doesn't stop your face from flaring up.

"It's sensible, like you.." he smiles gently, cupping his face in his hands, the look he's giving you is adorable, "Aaah.. this is what I needed, I'm sorry for bringing you out when it was getting dark, Jagi.. I needed to see you."

"Honestly, I needed to see you too. Jaehee's not wrong to act the way she did, but it was starting to wear on me.. is this actually okay, Zen? For us to be seen in public like this?" You search his eyes, being met only with the sincerest warmth.

"If it's what I want, it's fine, besides if anyone asks we can just say we're friends." A light smile plays at the corners of his lips, as he goes to take a sip of his coffee.

Pondering, you ask, "Are we just friends?"

"Well I want to be more but.. I want to give you time to get ready, and I want to be ready to protect and be beside you.. properly." He lets out a deep sigh, "I knew you were a good person the moment you showed up in the chatroom.."

"Thank you for believing in me, Zen.. I've honestly never done any of this before, it's been exciting, and I feel like I belong somewhere for the first time.."

Gleaming at you, Zen takes your hand in his once more, "You make sure and tell me if there's anything or anyone that bothers you, mm?" You feel like you could cry, why is he so sweet and considerate when you just met him?

The two of you talk for a few hours, long after your coffees are finished. It's only when you're informed the store is closing that you realize how late it is! Good thing the trains run until midnight. Helping get Zen his crutches once again, the two of you set out into the brisk night air.

Of course, he insists on walking you as close as he can, but you decline.. it's not that far and besides, Zen has a train to catch!

"I'm really bad at goodbyes.." you admit, looking to your feet

Zen leans forward, "Babe, look at me.."

"Yes?" Sheepishly, you meet his gaze, level with yours.

"Thank you for tonight, I mean it.. thanks to you I can face forward with a smile on my face, and so can you, yeah?"

"Yeah.." You offer him a smile

"Good girl.. now hurry home and text me when you are safe inside.. okay? Bye, Jagi!" He gives you a little wink and turns to walk away.

You reach out, hugging your arms around his middle, "Goodbye Zen, thank you for tonight and I'll talk to you on the messenger later!" you can hear his heart ba-thump loudly in response.

As you turn and walk away, you glance back, and Zen is standing there, his cheeks flushed watching you walk away, "ZEN, YOUR TRAIN! GO!!" you shout back laughing, as he waves and turns to go.

When you get back you text him like he requested, humming to yourself you save the selfie he sent to you before.

Within the next day Jumin says he's sending you to see Zen, but neither he nor Jaehee know you've already met. It's your secret and you can't wait to see handsome Zen once more. ❤️

~{I've had a pretty rough week, but writing zen x mc cheers me up, so here's something inspired from a text I got when I was playing}~

The text in question:

[phoenotopia]

2019 December Update

The game is officially playable from beginning to end!

That battle has concluded...

Soon begins the war! But first, a brief reprieve for the holidays.

And I must throw in the usual caveats. We're still playtesting, we're still polishing, we still gotta get age ratings, more red tape, etc etc. And most importantly, we need to figure out the launch strategy. Think Megaman, charging his shot for 5 and a half years... We're not allowed to miss at this point. It has to HIT.

Luckily, we're in a relatively stable position where we don't have to rush the game out immediately. It's not LAUNCH or STARVE - it's... take some time to aim a little. We don't want to launch in the shadow of a bigger behemoth game, and we don't want to launch completely unknown either. We have to build up the game's media presence, which has been neglected so far. I know it's annoying to have to continue to wait... but please bear with us a little longer!

Here's what we've been doing for the past couple months.

---------- THE SCRIPT ----------

The script sits at over 80,000 words. I didn't realize the significance until a teammate told me that that's actually as long as a novel! I looked it up, and sure enough, it's a little longer than the first Harry Potter. But unlike Harry Potter, hardly any of these words are wasted on, pffft, narration. It's all juicy dialogue!

(Some of the game's golden nuggets of dialogue)

There was actually a lot of mundanity getting to the end. Pirate, acting as my editor, caught tons of errors and inconsistencies. One of the most recurring issues had to do with capitalization. I like to capitalize things, often inconsistently. Some common questions that arose:

Why is this text highlighted yellow, and this one highlighted blue?

Why is this monster name capitalized, but this monster not?

Why is this item capitalized, and this one not?

... and so on!

All very mundane issues, but all very necessary to tackle. And there was a TON of 'em. (em vs 'em was another thing we had to make consistent). I actually did some research to see what capitalization rules Zelda had. From what I could tell, when it comes to animals and monsters in the Zelda universe:

All monsters are capitalized

All regular animals are not capitalized

The Cuccos are special, and ARE capitalized

(a collage of Zelda pictures I assembled to study)

In the Zelda universe, all regular items are lowercase, but highlighted blue when mentioned in a quest context (e.g. "butter", "hylian wheat"). Items can be uppercase, if they are special named items (e.g. "Sheikah Slate"). We adopted similar rules as Zelda in some cases, and deviated in others. For instance, in the Phoenotopia universe, there isn't a clear distinction between animals and monsters - that fish monster is really just an animal that happens to be the alpha predator in its natural habitat. So most entities are lowercase, but "big deal" entities can be uppercase.

(we made a formal document to consult whenever a question regarding capitalization arises)

---------- A SAMPLING of QUEST AND CHARACTERS ----------

A lot of new quests have arisen in our great writing effort extending over the past several months. And with it, new characters, big and small. I'll tease a sampling of some of them here (warning: some light spoilers ahead):

My favorite new quest is undoubtedly our game's new "Trading Quest". This one takes inspiration from the Zelda series - the trading quest similarly has you roaming the world and its towns in search of needy people who desire a particular item. Deliver them the item they desire, and get a new item. Do this 10 times, and the ultimate weapon awaits you at the end.

I tried some things to vary up the formula. Some NPCs don't reveal what they need right away - steps have to be taken to get them there. It's also possible to go down the wrong route in the sequence, and have to double-back. We try to keep it interesting.

---------- LOOT PLACEMENTS & GAME BALANCING ----------

A great effort was also spent towards balancing the game this past 2 months. Because even one good healing item, easily obtained, can throw the game's whole difficulty off-kilter. And this same principle applies to other areas, like the money economy and player powerup options. Altogether, they form a very delicate ecosystem for enjoyment.

One of the recent things I did for this game was put down exactly where each heart ruby, energy gem, and moonstone could be found. And this was actually a rather involved process because you have a limited number of rewards to distribute (you wouldn't want the final max HP count to be a weird number like 297). Put too many rewards in the beginning, and the late dungeons would have no rewards to offer. Put too much in the end, and the inverse happens.

I found myself going back into earlier areas and plundering their rewards to fill the later areas. And then to ensure a relatively even spread of rewards within each area themselves, I drew crude maps of the dungeons & their reward spots, so that they could be studied from a bird's eye perspective.

But it was still not enough. With NPC quests and towns also taking up their own allotment of the rewards, I found myself running low on things to distribute. So I went back to the books and upped the number of rewards across the board. Before there were 44 Heart Rubies to collect - there are now 55. Before each Heart Ruby boosted your max HP by 5, but now each one now boosts your max HP by 4, so your final max HP count would still end up the same. It's kinda similar to what happened with Twilight Princess, where they broke with tradition and made 5 heart containers required to gain a new heart instead of the usual 4. Overall, the final tally for treasure to find is:

55 heart pieces

30 energy gems

108 moon stones

Who's crazy enough to collect them all?

---------- BADGES / ACHIEVEMENTS ----------

As one of the game's finishing touches, there's a menu for BADGES - they're this game's version of achievements. This is an ongoing task that we hope to stamp out this December. A few favorites of mine from the original flash game will return ("Pillow Connoisseur" is among them).

(The menu looks like this before any badges are earned)

I allocated slots for just 33 badges, so we're selecting the badges very carefully. We got rid of most of the fluffy ones that appeared in the flash game - we wanted to reduce the number of badges that you would earn automatically for just playing the game (so no more "1st boss", "2nd boss", "3rd boss" achievements). We're aiming for a healthy mix of easily earned badges, hard earned badges, collectathon badges, secret fun badges, and so on.

The badges have another twist - they bear miniaturized portraits of characters from the game! In the initial brainstorm mockup phase, I wasn't really fond of the badge designs. You got a medal of a heart because you collected some hearts, and you got the medal of a moonstone for collecting moonstones, etc. It just seemed so... expected.

(various badge mockups)

How could we engage the players on a more fun and deep level? The idea came - what if we attached pictures of the people you meet on your journey? And these people's stories and character would have a connection with the achievement? That could keep the player guessing which character would come attached with an achievement, or even reveal a hidden detail about the character you didn't know.

---------- MUSIC ----------

Will has just one more task to do. And that's to recut the song for the trailer. One of our other goals for this December is to make a really good trailer... again. There's actually 2 other trailers we cut and never made public for reasons. Maybe I'll talk about them one day in the post-mortem.

Since this may be the last conventional update, we wondered with which song to best leave the audience. And we decided that the most suitable song is "Sanctuary". It's a song that the player will often encounter often when they happen upon a quiet resting place in the world.

There's a little story behind this song. Two and a half years ago, I linked Will the Earthbound song, "Buzz buzz's prophecy", and told him, make a song like that!

In response, Will made "Sanctuary".

Give it a listen HERE. What do you think? Did Will hit close to the greats?

---------- FAN ART ----------

Three fan arts have come in the last couple months. I display them here proudly:

Another submission by Cody G! Gale looking shy as she flashes the V sign for the camera. I like how Cody G's art is continually evolving. Note the additional detail on her eye, and how her hair is drawn extra fluffy. Very nice!

Shafiyahh is another consistent contributor, and made one in the spirit of Halloween. I really like their costumes! Gale as an angel, and Lisa as a demon, fittingly captures their relationship, since Gale is the responsible one and Lisa is the troublemaker. So cute!

A contribution from a new artist, Negativus Core! Wow, Gale looks so bada-- here! We often forget about Gale's tough side due to the cutesy graphics. This is probably how her enemies see her. And the gummy (slime) is a cute touch!

---------- FINAL NOTES ----------

Similar to last year, this will be the last update for a while. If things run too slow, I'll post a status update come end of February 2020.

It's possible, and this is a BIG IF, that something notable happens sooner than expected - like we're going to a con or we have reason to drop the trailer sooner than later. If so, this blog will update earlier than expected. BIG IF. Otherwise, it's end of February till next you hear of us.

The game's development has reached a new uncharted territory. We're going to take the time and figure out exactly what our next steps are. In addition, we'll still be doing some playtesting and script polishing. And we'll be taking a break too. It is the holiday season, things move kind of slow around this time of year. We'll enjoy the company of our family and friends.

Until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

[leina-reads-homestuck]

Appreciation of the Snowbound Blood characters part 1

Spoilers ahead, of course. The opinions below are just mine and not meant to represent the characters at large. ( ° - °)

Secily Iopara : (°v°)👍

She seemed a bit arrogant and dry at first, but that impression didn’t last, she won my heart with the empathy and generosity she showed, not to mention her affection for her departed matesprit, and her insecurities. Her design (that left me "eh" at first) finally grew on me. This chick has flair. Also love the Redglare vibes she gives at times or maybe it's just me.

.

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Characters that don't have a route, but that we see often :

Sestro Enthal : ( - -)👍

I found him quite dull when I saw him in the comic, he's still quite dull to me, but I don't dislike him. Maybe his sprite style helps, since the artist behind has a thing for making any troll instantly lovable.

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Any troll except The Executive : (è n é)

Mean old jerk !

Not only he's insensitive as heck, but his design is just bizarre to me. Maybe because I'm not used to see trolls aging like humans, but he doesn't look like a troll. Just an old geezer with horns.

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Yeshin Laevis: 

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NOPE.

Just... nope. Both design-wise, dialogue-wise, and character-wise.

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Corporate Porrim Hamifi Hekrix : (♥ A ♥)

She makes me swoon, even more since we get to see her smile.

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Sirage Feltri : (♥u♥)

I just love the faces she makes and her curves.

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Rypite Koldan : (°v°)

Extremely good guy. Would protect with my life. He could almost make me want to integrate a corporate business !

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Bytcon Krypto : (z__z)

I slept through most of his text... sorry Bytcon. His concept and design are original though, and he's got style. I'm just not that interested in financial matters...

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Husske Mayzee : (-_-)

Husske seems to be the incarnation of the "I'm oh so smart and mature for my age and way more wise than these stupid adults" tropes. I can't say I'm very fond of this kid. First, they sound like a religious fanatic, and second, I found frankly grating the way the story goes "omg they totally OWNED the main protagonist and her stupid questions, LOOOOL best comeback EVER".

Except that the protagonist's question wasn't stupid to begin with. >:c

That being said, I found quite relatable their explanations on why they want to live hidden and in peace, just reaping what they're growing, without having to fight or hurt other trolls. Quite a refreshing change from the "us trolls must be TOUGH if we wanna survive" thing. Husske and their friends are questioning the way their society expects them to live instead of forcing themselves to deal with it, and I appreciate that.

.

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Endari Vernir : (°u° )

Sympathetic, and I very much enjoy his design. 

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Oricka Rourst : ( ° °) :ok_hand:

Aside from the fact she sounds like your usual 14 years old Discord user (as in, quite irritating), I think she’s ok. I loved the use she makes of some familiar emotes of ours.

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Occeus Coliad : (° < °)

I liked him in Vast Error already, and the game didn't damage my good impression of him. I can totally vouch for his devotion to Ellsee, his appreciation for tea, and his immortality-reaching endeavor. 

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Mshiri Libeta : ( -_-)

Hmmf. Her design was a big nope to me - too bad cause I found her cute in the comic. I also found her quite hollow and I’m not a big fan of the mysticism surrounding her - all that stuff with prayers and rituals. I have the feeling she isn’t that much reliable as a friend, either... maybe that’ll change later.

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Hermit : (° °)👍

First impression : “Ugh, creepy” quickly replaced with “hey, no, he’s actually nice !” Thanks to the care he shows for a younger member of trollkind who apparently wasn’t very lucky. Also yeah, that’s a Homestuck reference

[mysticmylifeisamess-enger]

Forget Me Not - Ch. 17

Pairing: Saeran/Reader

Word count: 2,527

Summary: Saeran turns to the one source of comfort he can rely on.

Warning: Major spoilers for Ray route, Saeyoung’s route & secret ending.

A/N: Sorry for the later than usual update, life really has been a bit overwhelming ^^ but holy shit am I ready for you guys to see the next few chapters & what I have planned >:3c also remember when I said this right after ch 9?? well guess fucking what is gonna be in this chapter

Context references (if you need them): Beginning is from end of ch. 14, is taking place alongside ch. 15, note mentioned is from ch. 11.

AO3 Link | Chapters Masterlist

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 

“I, um,” you paused, turning back around to face him, “I hope that whatever is going on, whatever it is you’re not telling me, that you’ll come out of it fine. Goodbye Saeran.”

As soon as you heard the bell ring above the door at your departure, the weight of what just happened hit you all at once. It suddenly all felt too real as you kept walking, letting your feet practically move on their own.

Part of you felt like going back, to assert yourself and fight for some sort of answer. To let him know that you cared. But another part kept echoing the words he had said to you. And while you weren’t sure if he meant it, it didn’t make them any easier to hear.

‘It didn’t mean anything to me.’

The tears that collected and pooled had blurred your vision, making it hard to see as you practically ran into someone in your haste. Though before you could assess or even begin to mutter through an apology, they had already walked away in a hurry themselves. Through your tears, you could only make out a dark, cloaked figure as they rounded the corner.

Quickly shaking the thought, you kept walking in your direction without turning back. The world around you disappeared as you tunneled yourself in, relying on your feet to remember how to take you home. The silent tears turned into open sobs as you continued, not caring for the looks you were given. Only caring for him and how he broke your heart.

As soon as you made it to your apartment, closing the door behind you and collapsing against it, you spotted the potted plant that sat near the windowsill. The one he gave you when you first met, thriving under your care. The pain in your chest deepened to see the other flowers that decorated the room, the evidence of his existence in your close quarters.

One long look around the empty place and you knew that now, you were truly alone here. You had no reason to stay.

~

The door of his apartment clicked closed with the deadbolt behind him, collapsing facedown on the couch as he dragged himself in. He suppressed his groan into the pillows below him, clutching onto them with a tight grip. The slight ache in his head he had throughout the day started pounding in this moment, trying to bury himself further into the cushions to stop it, but it was unavailing.

Even with being in the safety of his home, he felt as on edge as he did at the shop. The palpable difference being your absence weighing in his chest. He could only repeat the mantra to himself for hours after you left, following him as he sat alone in his apartment with only his thoughts to accompany him.

‘This was for the best,’ he continued to tell himself. With every time he thought it, it warped the tiniest bit until it felt like a foreign phrase he could no longer understand. And it added to the unrelenting headache. Through his painful daze, he found it in him to reach for his phone and send a quick text to his twin.

‘I just got home. Please let me know when you’re home too.’

Just as he sent it away, his fingers instinctively went through his phone. Before he realized, your name and number took over his screen in big letters, landing on your contact as his finger hovered over the call button. He recalled calling or texting you every day after work, even after having seen each other, just to make the small commute enjoyable. To catch up on the day with one another. To hear the voice he couldn’t get enough of.

And he couldn’t describe how desperate he was to hear it in this moment, to soothe the worries that only seemed to multiply by the hour. He contemplated for a minute, gazing at your name with a heavy heart, before his finger moved lower and hovered over the ‘delete contact’ button. Just as he was about to press, a ding from a notification pulled him out of his somber thoughts as he read over the words

‘Relax, I’m home.’

A tension in his shoulders released to hear from his twin that they were okay, but the weight in his chest increased when he realized that they still weren’t truly safe. And the radio silence from V clouded any semblance of peace he had.

He moved to dial V’s number, though he already knew what he was going to be met with.

“Hi, you’ve reached V’s answering machine. Sorry I couldn’t answer your call at the moment, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll call you back at my earliest convenience,” the other line spoke immediately, not even ringing.

“V, it’s Saeran. I, um… Call me back soon,” he said, voice keeping the solemn tone as he spoke before he hung up.

The lack of response left his nerves on edge with every call, but to not even go through this time set off all sorts of alarms. He never thought to worry for V in all this, that he could take care of himself. But the realization of how truly dangerous this situation was, how powerful his father’s influence could be, made him all too uneasy.

He reached for his phone one more time, dialing Rika’s number only to hear it ring and go to her answering machine. He couldn’t find it in him to leave another voicemail, dropping his phone as he hung up and letting anxiety take the place of every coursing thought.

The pain in his head came in waves with every scenario he thought up, clutching onto his hair for any sort of relief. ’This is all my fault, this is all my fault, this is all my fault,’ the phrase in his mind wouldn’t go away, believing it more and more as is was repeated.

As he slumped back into the cushions, he noticed a piece of paper on the table next to his phone. Picking it up, the smile on his face spread to read over the words on the page.

‘I had to leave a little early to get to work and I didn’t want to disturb you. Won’t be able to stop by the shop today, but I’ll drop by first thing tomorrow.

And thank you for last night ♥’

The one evidence of your existence he could hold onto, that he could read and remind himself of the time you two shared. Reminiscing on every detail of that night until it was a well-versed movie that continually played in his mind. Until every bit of it was committed to memory, down to the feeling of your fingertips over his skin. The words relieved every nerve in him, dulling the pain he was feeling.

You still had a hold on his heart he knew he’d never be able to get rid of, no matter how hard he tried. And yet, he didn’t want to. If all he had were these memories to look back on for the rest of his life, then he’d take it anywhere he went, as long as it meant you were safe and happy.

Though there would always be small part of him that’d hope one day, you’d be his indefinitely. The smile he sported slowly faded at the thought that that could never be the case. Even in a number of years, when this all blows over, he could never be selfish enough to do that to you.

His eyes downcast on the note one more time, moving closer to catch the scent of your perfume still on it. Reading over the last few words again, something at the bottom of the page caught his eye, looking closer to find another message scribbled in smaller writing.

‘I think I just fell further in love with you.’

Never has he felt so gutted than in this moment, shattering the smallest bit of his heart he didn’t realize he still had left. If he thought what he endured the last few days were hard, then he underestimated the power of a few words he would have once loved to hear, but aches him to his core now.

It would be selfish to let you back in, but maybe he could be just this once. He never asked for anything in his life, just this once he thought that maybe he deserved it. He could be happy, he could make you happy, even if it meant being cautious, and it felt doable. And he would do anything in his power to see you by his side, safe and protected.

He picked up the phone on the table one last time, opening your contact again. One long look at your name and he couldn’t find it in him to stop himself. Just as his finger hovered over the call button, ready to hear your voice, an incoming call stopped him in his tracks as he answered right away.

“Rika? Rika, are you okay?” He asked immediately, noticing the shake of his hands with the pause that followed.

“Saeran, I’ve been so worried about you,” she said, the audible sigh catching him off guard, “I’m fine. I just want to know how you’re doing.”

“Everything’s okay for now,” he responded, “Is V with you? Is he okay?”

“He’s not here, but I know he’s okay. He’s just been dealing with some stuff, but you don’t have to worry.”

“Why hasn’t he been answering my calls?”

“He’s been really busy. Apparently too busy to call you back, but I’m always here,” her tone monotonous as she spoke.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner. I just thought it’d be best to contact V in regards to this.”

“Well he’s not the only person who cares about you,” she rebutted, “And with the way he’s been ignoring you, I would wonder.”

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t matter what I mean. All I’m asking is that you talk to me as well,” she said, though her words seemed more cautioning than sincere, “And I can hear that you don’t sound okay, what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing,” he said simply, his tone much more serious than he anticipated.

“It doesn’t sound like nothing, tell me,” she soothed on the other line.

“Well,” he paused, taking a deep breath before he continued, “It’s just that I miss MC. I decided to cut her out of my life because I thought it would be best, but I’m starting to think that wasn’t the best idea.”

“Oh no, Saeran,” she cooed, “I’m sorry, I know you really liked her.”

“I still really do. Which is why I’m going to call her again in a bit, I think I owe her an apology and explanation.”

“You can’t do that.”

“I know it’s risky but-“

“But nothing, you can’t do that.”

The shift in her tone, the way her words bordered on threatening, had him entirely taken aback. He thought that she had been different for a while, but this change in character, this moment of pure malice, had cemented all those thoughts. As he went on, he could feel the dull pain in his skull increasing, wondering just what he could say. But he couldn’t live his life in fear and he knew that.

“Rika, I’ve thought it over and I want her back. I’m going to call her after-“

“Do you want to see her hurt?”

“Well no, but-“

“You’re going to hurt her with that mindset. Think about it, your father is after you right now. Do you know exactly what he could do?”

“I do, and I think I can handle it. Her safety will become my priority and I won’t let anything happen to her.”

“Once he reaches her, he’s going to hurt her. He’s going to use her as leverage, possibly kill her and come after Saeyoung and you next. Is that really what you want?”

His tears pooled in his eyes the entire conversation, finally feeling one break and stream down his cheek at those words. He knew she had a point, one he didn’t want to hear aloud and hurt to realize. At this point, the throbbing in his head became unbearable, a splitting headache that distracted from the more emotional aspect of his pain.

“Saeran, is that what you want?”

“Of course not. You’re right, I have to let her go,” he resided, the ache in his heart becoming heavy at his own words.

“I’m glad you understand,” she said more matter-of-factly, “And I’m truly sorry that you’ve been put in this position. It really is unfair and I wish there was a way around it, but there isn’t.”

“Right,” was all he could bring himself to say, hoping to not sound as crushed as he felt.

“Are you okay?”

“To be honest, no. Not at all,” he responded, thinking for a second before continuing, “Do you remember the medicine you gave me when you took us in? The blue liquid you would give me in the morning?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“I’m having those headaches again, and I think they’ve gotten worse. Do you think you could find me some soon?”

“Of course I can, it might take me a few days,” she said plainly, though he couldn’t see or hear the smile that spread at hearing his words.

“That’s fine, I just need it as soon as possible,” he said, burying into the cushion below him, “I’m gonna let you go here, I’ve had a long day and I could really use some rest.”

“Alright, then I guess this is goodnight. And Saeran?”

“Yeah?”

“You can rely on me entirely if you need to. I may be the only person you can trust in all this, keep that in mind.”

Before he could respond, the line suddenly cut. He was seeking answers, any response as to why this was going on, but he only felt his worry and questions multiply afterwards, a common occurrence with the two members that he noticed as of late.

He looked back down, noticing your contact open where he last left it. He took a closer look at the photo he had in place and smiling a bit to see the giddy grin you displayed per his request. Your name on his screen captivating him, always finding a bit of comfort just by the sound or look of it. But the name didn’t taste as sweet this time around, lodged in his throat in fear that hearing it aloud would cause damage.

His eyes trailed to the note nearby, seeing the bundle of forget-me-nots it came with, dried but vibrant in it’s deep blue color. The memory of your first encounter coming to mind as he was reminded of the sudden warm feeling that overcame him that day. A warmth he hadn’t known before you.

But he couldn’t bring himself to be selfish, pushing the ‘delete contact’ button and dropping his phone on the table one last time.

[cooltrainererika]

Alt-talia x Evillious Chronicles: The Key to Zorn (Part 1 v. 2)

Sigh… there appears to have been a misunderstanding between the event holder and I. I just hope I hear back from them. 

Just in case, this is an alternate version of “Key to Zorn”, which I resubmitted for the Free Day prompt, but could also be considered to be one for Fate/Coincidence or By your side. It’s platonic at this point. You may read either version, as the differences are mostly superficial, but I thought this version may be more fitting considering how I write Alt-Germany. 

[Summary: Crossover with the Nemesis arc of the Evillious Chronicles. Everyone is searching for their very own Happy Ending... But where is his, if it exists at all?

Young Ludwig Beilshmidt lives alone in a cabin in the woods, waiting for the return of his mother. But one winter morning, a certain, seemingly chance encounter changes his life forever, leading his life to become increasingly entangled with much grander plans...]

(Yes, lame summary, but I didn’t know how to write it without spoilers. The same text as the original is copy-pasted below)

Couldn’t come up with a better title.

Okay… so… holy hell.

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written. And it isn’t even finished.

I thought “Superbia” was long. But… I outdid myself. Over FORTY FREAKIN’ PAGES IN GOOGLE DOCS. And again, this is not finished, I’m splitting it so I at least have the hope of releasing something! With two routes! This is a novel, folks!

I’m probably going to repost this for the Christmas event since I want as much people to see them as possible. Because there are some Christmas elements here. So yeah, you can take this as an early Christmas fic too.

This will be a movie, folks. Grab a seat and some popcorn.

Also, look, it’s goddamn Ludwig torment again! For the fourth time in the span of a month! And this might just be the most elaborate way I’ve tormented the poor guy yet. But I didn’t really have many options.

So I wanted to enter Mirror Week, but in the main canons write in, Alt-talia and Hetalia Emblem, I haven’t come up with any use for 2Ps, and in the former case I can’t see how I could use them.

However, there was one Alt-talia spin-off AU I had been thinking they would exist on; I didn’t know whether I wanted to release media to it so early, and due to a reason I will explain in a moment, I was reluctant to release media about it in general. But… I went with it.

This is my Evillious Chronicles AU. Yes, an AU of an AU. What about that.

Basically, the Evillious Chronicles is what started as a series of Vocaloid songs telling a much larger story; it has since ballooned into a vast, tangled network of light novels and other such media. It’s as confusing as it sounds. Some of you may have heard of the songs “Daughter of Evil” and “Servant of Evil”; those were the first songs to be released in that series. Those two songs weren’t self-contained, oh no.

The thing is, for this AU I wanted to write just based on the seven sin songs (and Servant of Evil), with accompanying Hetaloid covers, and leave the rest of the story up to the audience. I’m still planning on that. However, I still wanted to enter the event, so here I am presenting a version of events for one of the arcs; however, it is merely the route that hews closest to Evillious canon from what I can gather of it. So yeah, NONE OF THIS IS HARD CANON. Especially since I wasn’t sure on the roles of some characters here.

Also, if I somehow ever get to publishing my main Evillious x Hetalia fics sometime in the future; first of all, hi. But more importantly, please, I implore you, do not read this before reading The Muzzle of Ludwig. Especially the second half. I tried to avoid spoilers, but someone becomes extremely obvious with contextual clues.

Also… it’s not like I wanted to write Ludwig torment again. But he was basically my only option, since he was the only one whose sin most likely overlaps with… well, it’ll become clear as this goes on. Ludwig’s story here is based on Nemesis Sudou’s story. Though since Nemesis and Ludwig are vastly different characters, there may be some plot holes, unfortunately.

And THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: for those who have read none of my other works yet, Alt-talia has often vastly, vastly different characterizations. I based most of these characterizations off of their late 19th century to very early 20th century personalities in Alt-talia. Special OOC warning for the following characters: Austria, Hungary, and Prussia. Minor OOC warning for Germany. I used @askimperialludwig ‘s version of the character as a reference, along with my personal perception and research. may add more later.

Also, credit to my friend @tomboyjessie13 , my Evillious consultant, for helping me through this!

I can’t let this be too long, since the fic is long already. Let’s go!

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(Also... people who read my fics, please reblog them. I work hard on them, and want many to see them!)

And since I forgot to add this above the cut; this canon is also one of the few times Nyotalia characters canonically exist as their own entity in my works, if not the only one so far. It’s kind of necessary, since otherwise it’ll turn into a complete sausagefest. However, as I have no set personality for them in main Alt-talia canon, I basically write them the same way as I would their male counterparts, with maybe some minor changes. I do have some ideas for Nyotalia characters in “what if” stories for main Alt-talia canon, but since this would be an Alt-talia spinoff, most of my theoretical audience would be there for the Alt-talia characters who appear in most Alt-talia media. Not to mention male stereotypes for countries are usually more fun anyway. However, in this universe two counterparts of the same character can co-exist. I try to avoid that though.

Also, a character named “Arendt” is briefly mentioned; this is Brandenburg. He isn’t really that important though, and really I’ve barely fleshed him out, so that’s all you need to know.

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The Key To Zorn

Part 1: And Then The Boy Went Mad

In a certain continent, there was a forest.

A serene, peaceful forest, where inside one could almost feel mystical energy in the clear, unpolluted air.

Until, under the evening sky, a gunshot sounded.

Ludwig Beilschmidt, a boy of merely 8 with innocent, cornflower blue eyes, ran through the forest he knew so well, a basket of wild berries and herbs in his arms and a small sack over his back.

Soon, in his view, among the trees and wild cornflowers was the only place he had known all his life, the little wooden cottage he called home.

The boy immediately checked his old, somewhat rusted mailbox, a look of anxiousness on his face - one which immediately turned to disappointment upon finding there was nothing there.

He sighed.

“Nothing today either...”

He reached up somewhat, twisting the doorknob and opening the wooden door.

“I’m home!”

No one answered back.

As per usual.

He didn’t expect one anyway.

Ludwig went to the dining table, setting the basket and sack, as well as his small, old-model pistol, down on his side of the table. Inside the sack was a small rabbit; the poor little thing. He hoped it didn’t struggle for long after he had shot it.

He prepared dinner as he always did, the bubbling as the ingredients stewed the only sounds other than the cries of the wildlife outside.

And he ate in silence by the light of the lamp, staring at the empty, vacant other side of the table, the light of the sun dim and faint.

“Mutter, is it good?”

Nothing.

Ludwig sighed again, going back to shoving the stew into his mouth.

——-

Ludwig tucked himself into bed after a bath and a change of clothes, now in his old, almost too small pajamas, having finished the book in his hands an hour ago - while he had reread it and others several times already, it was a window into a world different from his, where friends supported each other and families told stories in front of the fire - but now that it was over, here he was, once again, stuck in loneliness, on his own, within the cold, dark walls of a small cabin.

Once again, it was quiet. All too quiet; except for the sounds of the forest.

Now as he had nothing to distract him, every rustling of the underbrush, every animal cry made him bristle. The forest was his comfort by day, almost a second mother, but by night, it was dark, feral.

He pulled his blankets up to his face, curling up, shaking like a leaf. He felt any moment, a beast could break through the walls and tear him to shreds.

He missed his mother so much, oh how he missed her. Her harsh but protective voice, her calloused hands squeezing his wrists. He missed his onkel Arendt, who told him stories of the battles he and Mutter had been through.

She’s dead. She’s dead, accept it.

No, no she wasn’t.

She couldn’t be. She had to be alive.

She was too strong to die.

She would come back. She always came back.

His mother wouldn’t want to see him like this anyway. He was being pathetic.

“Einz, zwei, drei...”

He took a deep breath. He was stronger than this.

Imagining his mother was standing by his bed, staring at him with disapproval at his fearful behavior, finally his shivering started to lessen ever so slightly.

He needed to make it so that when she came home with another medal shining on her chest, she could come home to a son she could be proud of, after all.

“Good night.”

He said to no one in particular, as he let the faint moonlight be his comfort, finally closing his eyes.

Lu li la la lu li la la la...

A soothing, calming melody played in his mind; Ludwig didn’t know where he knew it from, but as it surrounded him in soft, almost familiar gentleness, the shivering stopped, his muscles loosened, and he was finally lured into the welcome embrace of sleep.

Lu li la la lu li la la la…

Lu li la la lu li la la la...

———-

“FIRE!”

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Birds flew away in massive numbers, disturbed by the sudden noise.

Ludwig blew the steam off his pistol, seeing that the bullets had all landed near-target. Almost there.

Not bothered by the recoil anymore, he lined up the shot again, swearing he would get it right this time.

Every two days he did this, before 10 sets of running, marching, and every parallel bar routine; this wasn’t how most children his age passed their time, willingly anyway, if the books he read were any indication, and surely he felt sorry for the animals who had to hear such things, as they were the closest things to friends he had. But it broke the silence.

And most of all, he could almost sense his mother beside him during these practice drills; he could feel her hands on his arms guiding him in his aim, and hear her voice shouting in tandem with him as he shouted “FIRE!”. In fact, sometimes he swore she actually was there, by his side.

He took a deep breath and aimed again.

“FIRE!”

-----------------------

When he came home, he once again saw a basket of supplies.

They always puzzled him. They came at such random, unpredictable intervals, filled with food, a few bottles of milk, several cartridges of bullets, and even occasionally a book, toy, bar of soap, or other extra, but by the time he found them no one was ever there.

He should be grateful. Though he wished someone would explain to him.

Oh well.

-----------------------------

Days passed, then months.

Once again, on the night of his 9th birthday, Ludwig laid alone, the weak moonlight unable to brighten his gradually deepening pit of despair.

The silence was maddening. He craved for any touch, for any warmth of another person, for anything. But even that simple wish was too much to ask.

He bunched up the worn blanket, the cold, frigid winter air seeping into the cabin.

Every day, he wondered if he was slowly going mad.

Holding a cornflower and his mother’s black cross necklace to his chest, looked out into the moon, to the night sky peeking from a clearing in the trees.

A star shot through the night sky, and Ludwig was quick to make his wish.

I hope Mutter will answer my letters soon.

She had always told him that believing in such things was foolish.

But what was the pain in hanging onto the little light he could find?

-------------------

Now’s your time.

Alright. I’m going in. See you.

------------------

One cold, chilling day, towards the final days of the year he turned 9, Ludwig stepped outside to check his mailbox again.

Snow lightly dusted the ground, softly landing on his old, worn coat.

He had checked his homemade calendar; Sancbruma. Such a lovely holiday. But now, just yet another cold, freezing, lonely day. Oh well. He had known Pater Natalis wasn’t real for years to need confirmation.

But this day, after creaking the old thing open, he found something.

His heart almost stopped.

Immediately, he ripped the envelope often, his heart pounding in his ears, his breath quickening, and he immediately glued his focus to the words, written specially to be understandable to a child.

Ludwig Beilshmidt, we are sorry to inform you that…

Time seemed to stop. He swore his heart stopped.

Dread shot through his body like lightning.

He read on, clinging onto the little hope that still remained with him all those years as they escaped from him, flying away as he fell deeper.

…

…

Tears fell from his face.

She was gone.

She was really gone.

Finally, suppressed despair replaced dread, filling every corner of his mind and body, every nerve, every muscle.

But mixed with it, and eventually almost overpowering it in the concoction of emotion, was wrath.

Pure, unbridled wrath.

He tore the paper and screamed, his screams piercing the serene forest air.

Tears fell from his eyes like a burst dam as he cried into his hands, cursing whoever had killed her, her fate, the cruelty of the gods.

If only he could get his hands on whatever bastard killed her, he would strangle them, he would gouge out their eyes, he would shoot them in the leg and watch them bleed to death, how dare they take his mother away!

He had always been told the best came to those who were patient.

He was proven wrong that day.

All those years, waiting, hoping, hoping for nothing.

Nothing.

His mother was never going to come back. Ever.

Grief, anger, and sadness gripped his small frame as he shook, on the ground, his young brain besieged with intense emotions and reality, dreaded, painful reality.

Don’t cry. How pathetic. Is that how I raised you?

Ludwig forced himself to take deep breaths, desperately fighting his tears and holding back the flow of the concoction of emotions any further.

No, his mother wouldn’t want to see him like this. He couldn’t let her be honored like this.

“Einz, zwei, drei, einz, zwei, drei...”

He took a breath with every word, forcing his emotions back and attempting to lock them away, until finally once again he could think somewhat coherently.

It was here he noticed something perched on the mailbox. 

He looked up. 

An eagle.

A stark-black eagle, its yellow talons sharp enough to pierce skin, its bright, intelligent, fierce eyes a rare violet.

He didn’t notice it before in his panic, but now the dominant emotion in his mind was confusion.

As he sniffled, the eagle cocked its head, staring at Ludwig.

“...An eagle?”

Ludwig’s mind immediately jumped back to the beginning of the year.

I hope Mutter will answer my letters soon.

“Are… are you from my Mutter?”

Silence.

Immediately, he embraced the eagle, causing it to screech loudly and flap its powerful wings in shock.

“It’s adorable! I love it Mutter! Thank you!”

The boy’s short arms wrapped around the first living thing it had embraced, nay, touched, in years.

He was actually holding something living. Oh, it had been so long. Oh so long.

He had almost forgotten what it felt like to hold life in his arms, to feel its warmth, to feel its gentle rising and falling, to hear the subtle sounds of another’s breath in his ears.

For the first time in years, despite the unforgiving cold of the winter morning air, warmth reached Ludwig’s heart, happiness brewing with and overpowering now subdued despair and rage.

<Sure… Whatever makes you happy, kid.>

------------------------------------------

“Oy vey… I was too late again.

...This world is fucked.”

-------------------------------------

Ludwig put some meat in front of the raptor, which surely enough soon started picking it apart.

“It’s good right? What should I call you… I’ll have to give you a name.”

He stared at the eagle, deep in thought.

“Oh, I know… Schwarzchen!”

The eagle looked at him.

“You like it? Then Schwarzchen it is!”

<...I didn’t say anything. ’Blackie’? You cannot be serious.>

--------------------

That night was different from usual.

Ludwig pet the bird as it made a nest out of rags beside him, wishing it good night. It had seemed reluctant at first, clearly not used to such close contact but as Ludwig begged it to stay, as if it understood him, it decided to stay with him.

It’s fierce gaze felt protective in the silent darkness, as if his mother really had returned, watching for anything that could harm him. 

Oh, he almost forgot something.

He took his mother’s necklace from his bedside table, putting it around the eagle’s neck.

“There. Perfect. It suits you.”

It squawked. 

“Good night, Schwarzchen.”

That night, sleep came to Ludwig easier than usual, watched by the protective gaze of his new companion.

----------

“Hallo. Kid. Wake up.”

Ludwig awoke, his eyes fluttering open.

Once his eyes focused, he almost yelped in shock.

He was somewhere he didn’t recognize, some formless void; Schwarzchen was nowhere to be seen, nor were the walls of his cabin or even his forest, all that remained was his bed.

In front of him was a man clad in what seemed to be a long white lab coat and some type of mantle, or at least Ludwig assumed, his clothing style almost resembling that in illustrations in one of his novels, ostensibly chronicling ancient legends; but not just any man.

A man who looked almost exactly like how one would imagine Ludwig would look like when he was older, save for his unnatural purple, almost magenta eyes that shined with a calculating glint, a scar under his left.

“H… hallo?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to hurt you.”

“I… Who are you?”

The man smiled at him softly; despite his harsh features, it calmed some of Ludwig’s nerves, just a little.

“That isn’t important. But you’re lonely, right? And it’s causing you pain, yes?”

His voice was deep; much lower than Arendt’s, the only other reference he had for an adult man, surprising Ludwig a bit.

The boy nodded.

The man dug into one of his pockets, taking out a key.

“Here. I’ll be your friend; all you have to do is take the other end of this key, and you won’t feel any of that loneliness and pain any more…”

Tentatively, Ludwig took it.

The boy gasped as he suddenly felt something overwhelming and indescribable other than energy blitz between him and the strange man through the key; it was painless, in fact almost manic energy, bright lights flashing in his vision.

Ludwig woke up.

The boy laid there, his eyes wide, his mind mulling over what he had just seen.

“A dream… it was a dream… Who was that man?”

He turned, and there Schwarzchen was.

“Never mind… Good morning, Schwarzchen.”

<Are you really going with that name?>

Ludwig blinked.

“...Did you just…”

<I thought children were supposed to be creative?>

Ludwig’s eyes widened. He held his head; it seemed to be coming from within his head, like a thought, instead of from his ears.

“...Schwarzchen? Is that you?”

<Yes, this is the eagle. And I have a name.>

Ludwig took a few seconds to process the information.

“...What? ...Mein Gott, I’ve really gone crazy…”

<No. This is real. I’m speaking to you through something called telepathy. Speaking to you through your mind. I could explain all the intricate details but it would probably short-circuit your child brain.>

“I know what it is. But it’s just like in the stories! Wow! I didn’t know they really happened!”

<Well you could say that.>

Ludwig sat up on the side of his bed.

“You keep insulting my naming sense. So what is your name?”

“Schwarzchen” looked him directly in the eyes.

<Well, well, it’s the same as yours, funnily enough. Ludwig.>

“We have the same name? What a coincidence.”

<But I know that is confusing. Just call me Lutz. That is what everyone calls me.>

“Alright… Lutz it is. ...I liked ‘Schwarzchen’ though.”

<...Whatever, kid.>

---------------------------

Like that, Ludwig and Lutz became friends.

His 10th birthday had been the best birthday he had in years, even if it was just the two of them.

Over time, Lutz taught the boy how to use telepathy; and without him saying a word, he became a third hand to him, especially in hunting; more meats were amassed with every session, and fruits even from the highest trees were now accessible. 

...Sometimes. Other times, the eagle merely preened itself, telling him to “Do it on his own.”

Ludwig wondered if all eagles were like this. But even then, he didn’t mind. Even if Lutz was a cold, snarky jerk sometimes, it didn’t matter.

Every day, they ate together, went hunting together, bathed together, and at the end of the day slept together.

He could almost forget his loneliness, and the fact that his mother would never return.

Almost.

——————

As Ludwig braced himself on his bed, he once again counted his breaths.

The wrath he felt that day; it was coming back. From within, it seemed to spread to his entire body, to the point it was unbearable.

He would never forget that pain. He couldn’t. But mindless rage was for the foolish.

He wouldn’t forget. But he would remember, silently.

When he looked to Lutz, Lutz didn’t seem afraid at all. He merely stared at him with those violet eyes.

Ludwig embraced Lutz, not letting go.

-----------------

Lutz stared at the young boy as he slept, his chest rising and falling.

<How cute.>

It was easy.

A bit too easy.

What did he expect from a child though.

<Still, would have liked a bit more of a challenge.

Oh well. Sleep tight, kid.

...Though do I always have to be right next to you?>

--------------------

Over the next year, Ludwig grew. Now on the cusp of puberty, he became stronger, he could run faster and further, and he could shoot with more and more accuracy.

On the morning of his 11th birthday, Lutz presented him with a query.

<Kid.>

“Huh? What is it, Lutz?”

<Now that you know that your mother isn’t coming home…>

Ludwig froze.

<Don’t cry on me.>

“I wasn’t going to”

<Yes, yes. In anyway, since you know you mother isn’t coming home, what’s the point staying in this place anymore?>

The boy pondered it.

<I’m a bird and even I know it’s pointless waiting for someone if they’re clearly dead. Well maybe I’m not the one to talk here.>

He was right.

“But… This is all I have ever known.”

<Don’t worry about it. You’re smart. I think. You should find out what to do soon enough.>

“...Jawohl. I don’t know what my purpose is being here forever too… It’s not like this place will disappear either. And it’s not what Mutter would want me to do. ...We’re leaving tonight.”

————-

Ludwig opened his drawer.

There it was; the notice he had torn up all those years ago.

Why did he still have it?

Just so he would never forget, probably.

Ludwig sealed the notice into a pouch before the rage became too much to bear, stuffing it into his bag, going to fetch his clothing. He had a sailor suit saved up for “special occasions”; he hoped he hadn’t outgrown it already.

--------------

Ludwig looked behind his back one last time to the small cabin, the cornflowers, the trees he had known for his entire 11 years of living.

It felt so odd to know he would be away from it after so long 

He quickly ran back, Lutz grumbling behind him, and picked a few flowers, pressing them between the pages of a book.

<Are you done now?>

“Jawohl. Coming, coming!”

-----------

When Ludwig entered the capital, the little truly important belongings he had on his back, he was in awe.

It bustled with energy, with people, rickety, clanking automobiles and trolleys spewing steam or smoke that made him cough if he went to close, radio commercials resounding through the air, as well as delicious smells the likes of which he hadn’t known in years, some never before, but mixed in with the inexplicable smell of whatever was coming out of the automobiles.

Ludwig wasn’t quite sure whether he liked it or disliked it, but most accurately he would describe it as a strange mix of the two; but more than anything, everything was so new.

He marveled at the sight of a trolley passing by, when he heard honking behind him.

“Get out of the way brat!”

Ludwig stepped back, hopping back to the sidewalk, and an automobile clunked on, its driver looking at him irritated.

But its movements fascinated him, how the machine seemed to move magically, how it seemed to have a life of its own.

“...Where should I even start?”

<Well? Do you have any relatives?>

“Not that I know of.”

Lutz looked to the right. His light of sight led to a small group of children. 

<You could try living on the streets like them for a few days. See where it gets you.>

“...Oh.”

Ludwig sighed. He may as well.

————-

“Shoo! Shoo!”

“No money? We aren’t a charity, sorry.”

“Outta the way!”

————-

Ludwig slept in an alley that night, huddled in his old blanket.

He was so tired. He just remembered he hadn’t slept for an entire day, and it was finally catching up to him.

He had gotten some attention due to being cleaner-looking than the rest, though Lutz was far more charming in their eyes. But more often than not, the overwhelming message in the air was clear; he wasn’t welcome here.

“Lutz?”

<What is it, kid?>

“Why didn’t you tell me I needed money for everything?”

<Didn’t you read about it?>

“I didn’t know it was this necessary.”

<I can’t hold your hand all the time.>

“...Lutz?”

<...What now?>

“There’s so many people here. But I still feel so alone.”

<Well at least you got some to get through the night. Don’t be choosy.>

“Jawohl… Good night.”

————

Seeing no reason not to, Ludwig had decided to explore the city a bit more the next morning, after having helped himself and Lutz to a piece of bread and some beef jerky he had bought, plus the miscellaneous items he had been given the day before.  

After a long while of walking, taking in the different sights, from the historical landmarks and building to new projects, some even in the midst of being built, neatly separated or together, working in at times harmonious and at times chaotic tandem. Every so often he saw stray animals run about. After some time he started to see schoolchildren, some about his age, run to school with their friends, adults dressed in suits on their way to work.

Until, Ludwig started to feel the air change.

It felt somewhat... sticky? The breeze seemed stronger. And inexplicably salty.

For he had reached the city harbor. Birds, they were called seagulls he believed, cawed above. Fishermen had far since left the dock, and in the distance, trade ships were being loaded to go who knows where. And they were floating on a vast, open field of water, water, nothing but water.

“Lutz... is this...”

<The ocean? What, you don’t even know what the ocean is?>

He had heard his mother’s stories about the ocean; while she had never been a woman of the seas per se, she was in the army, not the navy after all, he had heard her describe growing up near it. It was odd thinking that she, too, had been a child once like him.

This ocean was to her like the forest was to him, quite possibly.

She had also spoken about a rumor; a rumor that a wish put into a bottle and cast into the sea would, eventually, be granted. She had dismissed it as childish of course. And she did say that she much preferred the land after growing up.

Though according to Onkel Arendt, she would at times, despite this, just go to her childhood home, staring out into the eternal ocean.  

He wondered what she had thought as her red eyes stared out into the distant horizon, the salty breeze flowing through her silver-white hair. 

It was strange, imagining his mother like that. The sea was so free, almost careless; the complete opposite of her. But maybe that was exactly what drew her to it.

Ludwig started running along the dock, letting Lutz chase him, the briny wind rushing past him and through his hair. People had started to come to swim, and the city was starting to fully come to life.

Even if life was hard, at least he had some way of entertaining himself when everything was so brand new.

--------------

One day, a duo of teenagers spotted Ludwig.

And being the thugs they were, Ludwig suddenly found himself in confrontation with two kids much larger, older, and stronger than he; even if Ludwig was tougher than most 11-year-olds, these two seemed to be about 14 at least, if not, and probably, 15.

“Hey street rat, where’s your mutti?!”

Ludwig tried not to pay them any heed, even if he bristled at the rude words.

“...What business do you have with me?”

The shorter one grabbed him by the collar.

“I asked you a question, shorty!”

After the initial shock and fear, Ludwig felt a flash of anger. His fists clenched as he tried to struggle his way out. And worst of all was that he couldn’t do anything.

<Kid. Listen.>

“What?!”

<Listen to me. Tell me to “Intimidate”. Now. Don’t ask questions.>

“Of course! ...Intimidate, Lutz!”

————-

Ludwig stood there, dumbfounded at what he had just witnessed, as the teenagers ran away, screaming “DEMON BIRD! DEMON BIRD!”

Lutz flew back and perched on his head, looking terribly bored, as if nothing had happened.

“How… how…”

<I’m a Very Amazing Bird, you could say.>

————

A week passed; Ludwig counted, as he always valued timekeeping, no matter what. The other street children left him alone, eyeing him strangely. Occasionally, he heard extortionists threatening some unfortunate soul.

That was when, however, Lutz told him something vital.

<Hey. Have you ever considered asking the police if you have any relatives?>

Ludwig looked at the eagle perched on his arm, puzzled.

“What?”

Lutz pointed a wing at a building.

<There. It says “POLIZEI”. Can’t you read?>

“...Why? Won’t they throw me in jail or something?”

<Actually they have records too. They might have your mother’s family on file.>

Lutz looked to see Ludwig’s dumbfounded face staring back at him.

“...Why didn’t you tell me that?!”

He took flight and landed on his head, preening himself. 

<Thought it would be interesting to observe you. Also don’t be too loud. Everyone will think you’re a crazy person.>

Ludwig took a look around, and indeed there were some passerbys staring at him.

Ludwig loudly sighed, his palm on his face.

“...Fine. Thanks anyway.”

--------------------------

“Your name?”

“Ludwig Beilshmidt.”

The officers looked at him for a few seconds.

“...As in Julia Beilshmidt? General Julia Beilshmidt?”

“Jawohl.”

They were in shock.

“...Excuse me? Is something wrong?”

“Erm… We apologize. Ja.”

“Do I have any relatives? I need some place to stay.”

“...Ja. We will search immediately. Please wait here. But it may take a while.”

————-

“Hallo? Is this the police? Why must you be calling?”

“Well, you see, sir… It appears that a relative of yours has suddenly shown up out of nowhere. ...He claims to be Beilshmidt’s son.”

“...Mein Gott. Julchen did say she had a son… I knew she wasn’t the type who should be able to take care of a child. I will be there as soon as I can.”

-------------

<This is boring.>

“I know, Lutz. Shut up.”

Lutz did something that resembled a yawn.

“He should be here soon-”

It was then that the door to the police station opened with just enough force to be noticeable without slamming.

Standing there was a dark brown-haired gentleman with a large, curly cowlick, probably in his thirties, most likely affluent from his clothing.

“Excuse me, I hear there was someone waiting for me here?”

Ludwig stood up, and their eyes met.

“Hallo. ...You are Ludwig?”

He adjusted his glasses, then his tie.

“Ja?”

He looked him over.

“Ah, I can see some of the resemblance. Though you’re actually somewhat adorable, unlike her.”

“...Is that an insult against her?”

Realizing his mistake, the man cleared his throat.

“Ah, sorry.”

He outstretched his hand.

“I am Herr Roderich Edelmann. Your mother’s cousin. Nice to meet you. I’ve heard about you, but it is nice being able to see you with my own two eyes.”

Ludwig took the hand, shaking it.

“Ludwig Beilshmidt. Nice to meet you, Sir.”

Then, suddenly, Roderich’s formal facade dropped and he pulled the boy into a hug.

“You’re so precious! You may call me Onkel Roderich! Don’t worry, we will take great care of you!”

Lutz looked on in amusement as Ludwig’s cries of shock became muffled in the man’s chest.

Ludwig was flabbergasted. It had been so long since he had been hugged. He only could relive them in his memories, and they weren’t frequent, but here he was, feeling it yet again, surrounded by warmth; he didn’t know how to process it.

But if there was one emotion he was certain about as the man smoothed his hair and cooed over him, it was that he felt loved.

————-

Ludwig held on tightly as the automobile rocked around them. Roderich didn’t seem to mind it whatsoever, but Ludwig had only heard of an automobile once, and had seen, much less ridden, none. Roderich was happy to make him comfortable next to him though, warning him whenever a bump or “pothole” was coming up.

“But really… What is such a magnificent eagle doing with you? A black Strix no less?”

<Someone called?>

“Black Strix?”

“You don’t know? They’re an exceedingly rare species! And this one is such a beautiful dark coal hue; I’ve always been partial to Black Strixes, they’re said to have a particularly strong mystical power.”

“I didn’t know he could be more special... His name is Lutz.”

“...Lutz? As in…”

“Jawohl.”

Roderich looked puzzled.

“Erm… Mutter named him.”

Roderich huffed.

“Ah, Julchen, of course...”

“He was my last Sancbruma present from her before she died.”

Roderich quieted for a few seconds.

“Oh… I see. We will accommodate him too. Do not worry. ...Also, no need to ‘jawohl’ around me.”

“Jawo… ja.”

—————

Onkel Roderich was a renowned musician; he was a master of many instruments and even knew how to compose, but his main forte was the piano. He was sought after for his talents across the land.  

And he had the house to show it as well.

“Welcome to your new home, Ludwig.”

Ludwig took it all in; the house was already larger than average compared to others in town, and as a boy who had grown up in a small log cabin all his life, it seemed especially enormous.

A woman with long, light brown hair came up to them, looking from Roderich to Ludwig.

“Ah, Erzsébet! This is my nephew, Ludwig. He will be staying with us from now on.”

Roderich bent his knees so he was at Ludwig’s level.

“Ludwig, this is Erzsébet, my wife.”

“H… hallo. Nice to meet you, Tante Erzsébet.”

Ludwig outstretched his hand.

The woman merely eyed him for a few seconds.

“Hallo. I guess.”

She said, gruffly, with a distinctly foreign accent.

Roderich sighed.

“Erzsébet, why do you have to be like this?”

“Why do we have to take in this ratty-looking kid?”

Ludwig scowled.

“Hey!”

Roderich held Ludwig closer, glaring at her.

“Erzsébet! He’s a child! Have you no heart?!”

“Fine, fine.”

She shook his hand, roughly.

“But wow, an eagle! A Strix no less?! I didn’t think I’d ever be able to see one!”

Lutz merely yawned.

Ludwig couldn’t help but snicker as an unamused frown crept across Erzsébet’s face.

“...Whatever. Make yourself at home I guess.”

She walked off.

“Prepare the bath and extra room for the boy! Come on now!”

Roderich commanded, and soon after servants bowed and quickly ran upstairs in single file.

“Don’t mind my wife. She wasn’t exactly enthusiastic to hear from you. But she will warm up to you eventually. Though… you are in need of new clothes, aren’t you?”

He gave the boy a once-over, making Ludwig look down to his old, beaten-up and washed out child-sized military uniform.

“Sadly, we do not have any clothes your size as of now. I will have a servant hire the tailor immediately. Meanwhile I will order them to wash what you have now.”

<He’s awfully happy to see you, isn’t he?>

“Ja… he seems like a nice person.”

————

That might, Ludwig had the best dinner he had ever had.

He could only marvel at the dishes in front of him; even those he had heard of before looked so refined. And there was so much of it! The variety of bread available in particular was amazing.

But he couldn’t let himself forget his discipline. Even if it took all his willpower not to start gorging himself on everything like he had been possessed by some demon of gluttony.

“Onkel, what is this?”

“A chocolate torte, you see. A type of cake.”

Ludwig remembered actually having a cake a grand total of once. He still remembered its sweetness so well and it was probably the best thing he ever had eaten. And then there were two other things he had only read about before.

...And Lutz seemed unusually interested in it.

He couldn’t blame him though, it’s aroma was mesmerizing to Ludwig’s senses.

“Chocolate? Is that what the brown is?”

“You have never had chocolate before?! Mein Gott, Julchen, What have you done?”

Ludwig was quick to take a bite, and he froze.

The mellow, deep sweetness melted on his tongue, spreading throughout his mouth in such an indescribably perfect way, a tinge of bitterness within that instead of detracting from the experience, somehow harmonized with the sweetness in such a heavenly way.

“...Ludwig?”

“...It’s amazing.”

Roderich seemed somewhat amused by how floored the boy was.

“Even your mother was quite a fan.”

<Hey, hey. Kid.>

Ludwig was surprised by the unusual agitation in Lutz’s thoughts. He didn’t think he had ever heard anything like it before.

“Lutz? What is-“

<I need it. Now. Don’t ask questions!>

Ludwig almost panicked, giving a piece to the impatient eagle.

“Ludwig!”

“I… erm… It was unfair to have it to myself!”

“...Is chocolate even safe for eagles?”

Erzsébet questioned.

“Wait wha-“

<Don’t worry. ... Ahh, bliss...>

Ludwig smiled nervously.

“He’ll be fine.”

The couple just stared, confused.

“Erm…”

“Trust me! I know him well. ...Can I have more? Please?”

“Absolutely.”

His face absolutely lit up at that, and in the corner of his vision Ludwig saw quite possibly the most genuine expression of joy he had seen from Lutz in all the time he knew him.

“Why’s it that everyone in your family loves chocolate so much?”

Erzsébet asked as her husband took another piece.

“Why don’t you is the better question.”

“...Actually, yup, you two definitely are related. Leave some for me though!”

————

Roderich doted on the boy; he made sure he had the nicest clothes and the nicest food that he could afford.

He had made sure the room was in absolute best condition, that his pillows were always fluffed and bed always made, even if Ludwig insisted he wanted to do it on his own.

He taught him everything about the basics of civilization, how to read more complex sentences, how to play the piano and the violin, even how to dance. He took him with him to work, across the city and sometimes even country to places he had at best read about and to meet so many new people.

His next Sanctbruma and 12th birthday were the most extravagant he had ever had.

Yet…

Yet something was missing.

Despite the man’s kindness, he felt something wasn’t right. Ludwig couldn’t put a finger on what, and he felt awful about it to be sure; he did so much for him, what more could a boy ask for?

But yet…

Sure, Erzsébet never completely warmed up to him; even if she wasn’t as cold to him, according to Lutz she was merely tolerating him. And the same was true for many of the servants.

But that didn’t change the fact that Roderich himself was nothing but loving towards him. Even if he had curfews and other such rules, he never had trouble with rules. His mother raised him to obey rules. And while he was often busy, he still tried his best to spend time with him.

Finally, he actually had someone who resembled a parent after all those years. He should have been thankful.

But he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Someone had to be doing something wrong.

At times, he still lay awake at night, those lonely days and nights and that fateful Sanctbruma playing back in his mind; as well as the accompanying emotions of pure hatred and wrath.

Once, Roderich has entered the room at an inopportune time to Ludwig curled up in his bed, seething, growling at him to leave him alone.

While he didn’t say anything about it at dinner, it was obvious he was disturbed by it.

“...Lutz. Why can’t I be happy? I still feel alone, but I don’t even know why.”

<Maybe you’ve been alone for too long. You’re past the point of return, kid. Maybe you should come to peace with it.>

“At least I have you.”

<Whatever.>

———

“Ludwig.”

“Ja, Onkel Roderich?”

The man sighed.

“It has been over a year since you started living with us. What is it with your standoffish behavior? Is something wrong? I will listen to it.”

“...I just can’t, Onkel.”

“Excuse me?”

“I… Something just doesn’t feel right. I don’t know why.”

The man looked so disappointed.

“I try my best to make you happy, Ludwig. I really do. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to satisfy your needs.”

“Nein. It isn’t that.”

Roderich shook his head.

“As I was saying… the chords for this piece are…”

—————

Ludwig continued to do his practice drills whenever possible, even if they had taken a different shape; makeshift targets became proper shooting galleries, improvised exercises became possible using an open space between buildings and proper equipment. And as he grew more and more by the day, his physical abilities took leaps and bounds above what he had been capable of before. He just wished he could go more than weekly. At first, Roderich objected, but it didn’t take long for him to cave in.

After all, he had to keep himself in shape, especially as he now had access to all the candy and chocolate that could be plausibly afforded.

After a while, Roderich started to continuously try to ask him to consider other options in this weekly time slot. He was never too forceful, however. And after a while, as Ludwig expressed his clear annoyance, it finally ceased just as it had begun.

There was another episode that irked Ludwig.

One night, as he went to get a glass of water, he had seen Roderich, seemingly sneaking away from his room.

“...Onkel?”

The man bristled as soon as he turned on the lights.

“Erm… Ludwig, I didn’t expect you to be awake..

Then, Ludwig saw it.

In his hands was his mother’s necklace.

“...What are you doing with Mutter’s necklace?”

He immediately stuffed it inside his pocket and turned around, a fake smile on his face.

“What necklace, my dear Ludwig?”

“I know you’re hiding it.”

The man sighed, taking it back out again.

“I… I wanted to put it in a place it will be safer in.”

Ludwig tried not to grill him further, even as he felt something fueled by doubt start to boil within him.

“I’m sure it will be safe with me. It’s been so for all the years I’ve had it. Can I have it back now?”

“...Ja.”

Ludwig swiftly took it back, going down to get his glass. He really needed one.

“You could tell a servant to get it for you?”

“No. I prefer to do it on my own.”

When Ludwig had returned to his room, he had quite the things to say to Lutz.

“Lutz. Why did you let him take it?”

<I was sleepy, kid. Why do you care about that thing so much?>

“It’s from Mutter. You should know. ...Lutz. If anything, protect this with your life.”

<Oh come on now.>

“I’m serious. It’ll be the last thing I ask of you.”

<Alright, alright. Whatever.>

“You aren’t sincere, are you?”

<What do you want from me? Good night.>

——————

One day, as Ludwig overheard some servants speaking to each other in hushed voices, glancing at him every so often.

He was able to catch two things; “...Mister Edelmann” and “barren”.

He wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. But for whatever reason he didn’t like the sound of it.

That night, after some shouting, once again Roderich stormed out of the master bedroom, telling Erzsébet to “Get a hold of yourself already, you indecipherable woman!”, to his own separate room, as Erzsébet shouted some words back that sounded really angry and probably inappropriate.

<There goes the lovely couple.>

Lutz thought, as Ludwig tried to sleep. Lutz, meanwhile, had no trouble.

————

13-year-old Ludwig stood outside of the bar, alongside Lutz, as always, and other members of his gang.

It was in a seedy, rough part of town. And it was where their rival gang frequented most often.

It wasn’t the most well-to-do of bars, to say the least; as soon as they entered, the air smelt pungently of alcohol, and ambiently of various nasties.

<Ergh. What a dump.>

They immediately saw their target; the offending gang’s leader.

Their leader went up to confront her rival, fists clearly ready to fly.

“Hey! We know ya killed him!”

“Who?”

The rival boss said, with a cheeky grin.

“Ya know who!”

The two continued to escalate their argument, until they became close to blows.

“Enough yammerin’! Get ‘em, boys n’ girls!”

Suddenly, they were grabbed by the rival gang bangers, including Ludwig, who held back a yelp, Lutz flying into the air.

“Come back, ya stupid bird!”

“We didn’t kill one of yer ratpack, asshole! Now get out or we’re gonna force ya out!”

“...You better tell us.”

Ludwig said, tersely, utilizing his now lowering voice and copying his mother’s tone.

The rival boss laughed.

“Or what, kid? What are ya gonna do, huh? Man your recruiting standards have gone down!”

His boss smirked.

“Ya better listen to the kid.”

“Or what?”

They laughed uproariously.

“Lutz. Restrain.”

Their laughing instantly stopped, their faces going sheet white, all the other bar patrons, the bartender, and staff turning to gawk.

For they bore witness to the gang boss being pinned down, on the floor, between the talons of a giant, terrifying raptor straight out of hell, its eyes glowing, its beak as sharp as an ice pick, with which it screeched in the unfortunate gangster’s terrified face.

Ludwig walked up to the rival boss with measured steps, the gangsters holding him having let go out of sheer terror, the thumping of his feet the only sounds other than his companion’s breathing and the squeaks and sputtering from bystanders and rival gangsters, and pulled out his old pistol, aiming it at the thug’s head, glaring daggers so sharp that they could gouge eyes out.

Show your enemy no mercy.

Once again, he thought he heard his mother's voice in his ear.

“Tell us the truth.”

The rival boss sputtered, shaking like a leaf, looking awfully smaller than the much younger boy.

“We… we… d-d-di…”

Ludwig cocked his pistol.

“Speak in a real language!”

The rival boss flinched, and the rest of the rival gang huddled, terrified.

“W-we didn’t do anything! I-I swear! I swear!”

Ludwig lowered his pistol slightly.

“...Really?”

“J-ja! I swear! I swear by both the Heavenly and Hellish Yards! P-p-please let me go, Sir!”

“...Alright. Lutz, release.”

The eagle shrank back down to size, returning to his perch on Ludwig’s outstretched arm.

His boss grumbled.

“Whoop. That was pointless. Lud, let’s get outta this dump.”

They turned to leave, the other people in the bar still staring at them.

“W-Wait.”

Ludwig and his boss turned back to the humiliated rival boss.

“We might’ve not killed ‘im. But I-I have a good idea who might’ve.”

———-

“So, Lud. Good job today. We’ve got ourselves a lead.”

“Jawohl.”

Their boss patted Ludwig on the head and gave the group a once-over.

“Ok. You’re all dismissed.”

Ludwig was quick to leave, the others staring after him.

“What’s it with him? I swear, it’s like he doesn’t wanna be associated with us.”

“He said something about a curfew.”

“Really? Kid still follows curfews? What is he, 10?”

-----------------

When Ludwig came back, Roderich was waiting for him.

“Ludwig.”

“Onkel Roderich?”

Roderich’s expression was serious and stern.

“...What have you been doing?”

“What do you mean, Onkel Roderich?”

Roderich held Ludwig’s shoulders.

“Let me state this plainly.”

He took a deep breath.

“You’re involved in gang activity, aren’t you?”

Ludwig was in shock.

“How…”

Roderich shook his head, his hand on his forehead.

“Ludwig. I am sure even Julchen taught you to obey rules.”

“I… I don’t want to depend on you for everything. I feel like a leech.”

Roderich was shocked.

“You’re only 13, Ludwig! It is alright! It isn’t worth putting yourself at risk like this!”

“I don’t know how to do anything else.”

Roderich shook his head.

“Don’t say that. You could deliver newspapers, or use those piano skills I taught you-“

“And they’re my friends.”

“Friends?! I care for you, why do you need them?! Do you even know any of their names?!”

“...”

“You’re going to get into trouble eventually, young man.”

“I… I know!”

Roderich flinched.

Ludwig looked down and stormed back into the house, into his room, throwing himself onto his bed.

“Hmph, teenagers...”

Erzsébet mumbled.

—————-

“Ludwig?”

Roderich opened the door to Ludwig’s room that night, peeking in.

Ludwig couldn’t bare to look him in the eye.

“I’m sorry.”

Roderich sighed.

“Is it because I’m not Julchen?”

The boy felt a pang of guilt.

“I’m sorry! I don’t hate you, I’m thankful for what you’ve done, and-”

“I see. Just try to forget about her, alright?”

Ludwig froze. He felt like someone had stabbed his heart.

“But…”

“I do so much for you. I give you everything. What was it that she had that I don’t? I’ve been a far better parent than that stone-hearted, cruel, cold-”

<Oh no. You’ve done it now.>

“DON’T SAY THAT ABOUT MY MUTTER!”

His voice cracked terribly, but he didn’t care.

Roderich stumbled back, his face pale, horrified.

Silence.

“Ludwig… I’m sorry.”

Ludwig buried his face into his pillows.

“...I’ll tell the servants to bring you dinner. I’m sorry. I really am.”

“Leave me alone!”

“...I’m happy with any path you want to take. Just please stay safe.”

Roderich sighed and closed the door.

From that day on, Roderich started informing Ludwig of where police may find him, and locations of stations across the city. Anything for his safety, he had said.

But from that day on Ludwig knew; he knew that his suspicions were true, that all this time he was trying to make him forget about his mother. He couldn’t let that happen. It was only confirmation when he heard him brutally disparage her one night in a drunken stupor during one of his binge-drinking sessions.

Once again, Ludwig could trust no one.

And once again, wrath simmered within him.

----------------

Their boss summoned Ludwig and the rest of the gang to a gathering; to sort out their clues, they had said.

Ludwig was appreciated for his abilities; but outside of the action, he sat somewhat removed from the rest. He couldn’t connect with them much either.

His mother had despised lawbreakers; “scum”, “rats”, she would call them. If she knew what he was doing now, she would have caned his palms until they were raw and bleeding. She would have told him he was better than this. He never would have imagined he could stoop this low too. After all, he was his mother’s only son. He should have been destined for greatness.

Quite honestly, he didn’t fully understand what he was doing here either. How did he even get here? Was it just a business affair? Were they really his friends? 

Maybe it was because this was the closest thing to military service he could find. Even if it were on the other side of the law.

A girl a year or so older than him, the second youngest in the gang, came up to him attempting to speak to him. Ludwig hesitated, but in the end continued to be fascinated with the clues they had and Lutz.

“Hey give up on Herr Stick-In-The-Mud already! Bet he’s never even kissed a girl!”

A gangster said, using the nickname they often used when ribbing him.

“What’s with him? He to good for us?” One of them muttered when Ludwig refused a drink.  

“Ja. Imagine being one of us and caring about drinking ages. Never can understand Herr Stick-In-The-Mud.”

“Ja. Where was he raised, His Majesty’s Elite Imperial Barracks?”

“Hey, hey, did you hear that Boss might have the hots for him too?”

“Why don’t you fuckwits shut the fuck up?” Their boss barked at the last one. “The kid’s basically an infant!”

<You’re the most rule-bound gangster I’ve ever seen.>

“Why do they treat it as a bad thing?”

<You’re the one who joined a street gang, genius. They’ve got different rules.>

Ludwig looked at the bottle of cheap moonshine he had been offered again, sighed, and took a gulp.

He immediately gagged.

The last time he’d had booze was when Roderich had allowed him to try beer, and even then he had basically diluted half of it with water and it definitely didn’t taste like... whatever this bottle of horse urine was.

“Ack! This is awful! ...I did it, are you happy now?”

“That’s the spirit!”

“Doesn’t count! He gagged!”

Ludwig took a deep breath.

“Let’s get back on topic. We are discussing the murder of a fellow comrade. This is no time for inane chatter.”

Finally, the air became solemn.

“Ja, reasonable, I guess…”

“Now, onto the information Scout 2 gathered...”

—————-

Ludwig, more than anything, considered himself a logical person.

He and his mother both despised vagueness. It seemed pointless, really, all the dancing around the true meaning of your words in the name of “politeness”. While apparently many in this part of the continent were considered similarly blunt and practical, it seemed even then he was exceptional.

So his own emotional turmoil, how he could never seem to explain himself, frustrated him more than anyone else. It angered him.

But one thing he knew for sure was that he looked forward to stopping by the library on the way home. Thank goodness Roderich had taught him to read to a level more appropriate for his age; it was difficult at first, but he was also fortunately a fast learner.

He always had taken a fascination with the sciences. They were at first glance unpredictable, but once broken down and observed, logical. They made sense, they were rational. Recently, he started finding them more investing than fiction, in fact. And his new reading skills finally made the higher levels of it beyond simplistic drawings attempting to explain the laws of physics and magic accessible.

Which was why today he sat outside the library in his usual spot, looking through a medical encyclopedia, munching on one of many bars of dark chocolate and a small loaf of bread.

Lutz nibbled on pieces of chocolate Ludwig had given him, peeking from above him.

“HERS?”

<Hereditary Evil Raiser Syndrome.>

Ludwig looked to Lutz in shock.

<A rare genetic, psychiatric disorder with no known cause. Those afflicted by Hereditary Evil Raiser Syndrome, a Hereditary Evil Raiser, or HER, is said to be at their core an incarnation of malice, "programmed" to destroy the gods, everything they created and everything related to them. Therefore, as a natural prerequisite, they typically show extreme cruelty and having the compulsion to increase their own kind and ensure the continuation of their "mission" to spread malice by any means necessary, taking immense pleasure in doing so. Currently there is no known cure, though in high-functioning individuals it may be managed, and manifest in lesser ways.>

“How…”

<I have my ways.>

He flew off, now by his side. 

“Though… Hereditary Evil Raiser Syndrome? Who names this stuff?”

<Hey. They probably had their reasons.>

“Why do you care? Did you come up with it?”

<Maybe. Plus, that’s rich coming from the kid who literally named me “Blackie”.>

Ludwig sighed.

“I... Fine. And wait... are you reading with me?”

<Yeah, I can read. I never told you?>

Ludwig continued to stare at him.

“I... I just didn’t think you would...”

<Turn the page already. I already know this.>

"Maybe you could try reading a novel, Lutz?”

<Don’t care. Why should I care about what you flesh-apes think, much less fake ones? No one in the world knows what I’m thinking anyway.>

Ludwig closed the encyclopedia.

“You mean you feel that no one understands you, right?”

Lutz stared at him. 

His words struck him like a spark of lightning.

“That makes two of us”

An awkward few moments passed. For once in his life, Lutz had nothing to retort back.

Why was he so shocked?

Ludwig blinked, confused.

“Lutz? What’s wrong?”

<...Nothing.>

Lutz didn’t know what he had just felt.

“That makes two of us” 

It should have meant nothing, coming from this brat.

But yet...

Whatever. It probably still meant nothing.

-------------------------

“We’ve got our guy! Rich bastard’s not gonna know what hit ‘im.”

Their boss said, confidently, gesturing to an assassin she had bought into their abandoned factory hideout.

The assassin looked across the crowd of gangsters.

“So. Which one of you brats wants to come?”

“Actually, we’ve got a good clue already for who’s gonna be a good fit for this mission.”

Ludwig waited, anxiously. He would gladly take the job of avenging his fallen comrade, of course.

“Ludwig!”

Ludwig stood to attention.

“...You’ll be providing nice clothes for us to blend in!”

Ludwig was speechless.

“How… Why?”

<Turns out you aren’t as tough as you thought. Better luck next time, kid.>

But when all had left, he went up to his boss. He needed answers.

“Why am I excluded?”

She looked at him as if he was stupid.

“I don’t think ‘Giant Enemy Bird’ is a viable weapon to use on a cruise ship.”

“But… I can shoot well too! You said I was a great marksman!”

“You’re good. Gotta say that. Still, don’t know about your skills in stealth yet. Can’t risk it. Now, see ya.”

Then, she abruptly cut him off and left.

-----------------

Three days later, Ludwig and the rest of the gang not chosen for the plot awaited at the dock.

Soon, they spotted the assassination party, coming towards them.

One person was clearly missing.

“Hey! Boss! ...Boss? And where’s...”

Her face was dire.

“Shot dead. ...He spotted us. He saw all our faces. All of you are fucked. We’re all fucked.”

More silence.

“...WHAT?!”

Silence immediately gave way to panic.

Ludwig stood, frozen.

“How… Why…”

He clutched his head, overwhelmed.

“But it can’t…”

Emotions swirled inside the boy, overpowering all of his senses, all of his thoughts.

What was going to happen to him? His friends?

“No, no, no, nonononononono…”

<You know what to do, kid.>

Suddenly, he bolted.

Along the harbor, he ran.

Then, in a burst of emotion and without much thought, as if on instinct, he acted immediately as Lutz took off high into the sky, preparing to dive.

“SIC ‘EM, LUTZ!”

He didn’t even bother with the telepathy.

Everyone could only look on in shock and horror as monstrous, pitch-black wings appeared in the sky, seemingly not completely solid and with a godlike glow; to those who were watching from afar, it would have looked as if a demon raptor had materialized out of thin air.

The ship was no match. Before anyone could fully comprehend what was going on, the ship was swooped up into the talons of the avian monstrosity, and crushed into pieces, every single person on it with it.

----------------

Ludwig walked back to the gang, who all stood staring at him, utterly horrified.

Finally, someone broke the silence.

“...Holy shit.”

Another turned to him, their eyes wide.

“...Lud? Did you just…”.

The boy’s mind was blank. What could he even say?

He had killed all of them. Every single one of them.

But in the end...

“Mission accomplished…?”

“Am I trippin’?”

“Did we just witness a massacre?”

“...What the fuck?”

Ludwig took a deep breath.

“But we accomplished our mission. ...I did what I had to do.”

“Ja, but… Holy shit.”

“In anyway…”

Their boss cleared her throat.

“Let’s… Let’s go with this loot before the cops find out.”

The rest could only muster a “Ja” in unison.

Lutz flew up to Ludwig, as unbothered as always.

“Lutz…”

<Just did as I was told. Don’t complain to me. Here.>

In the raptor’s talons was a doll; an eerily faceless, unusual, porcelain-ish doll of indeterminable gender.

<Here. I brought a present.>

“What is…”

<Have it. Since I can’t give you Sancbruma presents, here it is, months early.>

“It’s… it’s probably from a dead child, Lutz!”

<Don’t be ungrateful. Oh, and your buddies are waiting. You should go.>

“...Ja. I did what I had to do. We killed him. That’s all that should matter…”

————-

The news of the shipwreck was all over the radio. They had listened to it in their hideout, huddled around the device.

“The perpetrator is currently unknown. However, many claim to have heard the voice of a boy or young man scream for the bird to attack…”

————-

When Ludwig came home, Roderich was standing in front of the door, in shock.

“Ludwig…”

“Onkel?”

“...It was you wasn’t it?”

Ludwig looked down to his feet.

“Lutz, specifically…”

<Hey.>

Roderich pulled him into a protective embrace.

“You could have put yourself in so much danger! What if the police find out about you?! Don’t you dare do that again.”

"...”

Roderich pulled him in.

“Now, come in before someone recognizes you.”

—————

Roderich rarely ever let him join the rest of the gang since that day; it was too dangerous, he had said.

He went out mostly in a dark hood for a disguise, at times without Lutz, for over the radio, one expert had identified the terror bird as “a black Strix transformed with powerful magic.”

Later that year, a month before Sancbruma and two months before his 14th birthday, he had heard something unusual.

<Ludwig… Ludwig…>

“Huh?”

Telepathy. But Lutz wasn’t with him; it came from the doll in his bag.

Ever since that fateful day, Lutz had told him to carry it for some vague reason he couldn’t understand; his alleged simple explanation was “It’s amusing to see you carry around a girly doll like that.”

<Ludwig...>

He took the bag off his back and looked in. 

<Someone is after you. You have been found out. You must run.>

“What?! How do you…”

<Do not ask. Please, please run… you must.>

He slung it back over his shoulder.

“Lutz!”

He had to get Lutz. Now.

But by the time he had gotten home, it was too late.

“No, Sir, he is not here. You will not find him here…”

“There he is!”

Two figures stood with Roderich; two figures he didn’t recognize.

A tanned, hazel-eyed, otherwise unassuming man with his hair tied back and in a partially unbuttoned shirt, probably from the south of the continent, turned his attention away from Roderich, and pointed at Ludwig, gun in hand.

“Ludwig Beildshmidt! You’re under arrest!”

Ludwig’s eyes widened. Emotions and stress once again blitzed through him.

“Lutz! Restrain! ...Lutz? Lutz?!”

His eyes darted next to the man to the other figure, what Ludwig thought to be a long-haired, somewhat tall foreign woman in eastern attire, her dark, raven hair pulled back into a ponytail; seemingly holding Lutz back without touching the bird, but clearly struggling.

“Hurry!”

She shouted, in a foreign accent Ludwig didn’t recognize.

Ludwig bolted.

“Don’t you dare, you-“

“Herr Edelmann! Stop, you’re interfering with police procedure!”

“Don’t touch him!”

The mysterious man finally shoved the other man off him and gave chase, but Roderich grappling with him had given him some extra time...

“Ludwig! RUN! RUN!”

But before Ludwig could escape, all of a sudden he was blindsided by a third person, jumping on his back and pinning him down, the boy’s small body no match for the adult.

“LUDWIG!”

“Let me go, LET ME GO!”

That was the last thing he remembered saying before he had been slammed on the back of the head.

Ludwig blacked out.

To be continued in part 2...

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Author’s notes:

So I had to split this thing in half since it became much longer than I expected. Wow this is a monster. You will see the parts listed here after I write them. Parts, because this will have two different routes! Hopefully! Then again it seems like no one read this...

Also, the scene with the sea is even more ambiguous “canon” in this already ambiguously “canon” story, but I wanted to write it in because I liked it, having seen the idea that Prussia has some kind of connection to the sea before and liking it. I wish I could find it now. I think Alt-Prussia would have grown up with the sea when he was younger, and while he would stay very strictly a land fighter (in fact the Prussian navy was never all that good, being mostly a merchant fleet. Even the German navy, while it did go through a growth period in the 1880s in competition with Britain I believe, by WWII at least their Kriegsmarine kind of sucked. It’s why the invasion of Britain never happened, their navy would have been laughably curbstomped), and I still associate England, Netherlands, or Portugal way more with the ocean, maybe the North Sea has some kind of soothing effect on him.

Also adorable child!Germany is adorable. Why do I love this kid so much? Why is he so damn cute?!

(This is an alternate version of “Key to Zorn!”. You may read either version, as the differences are mostly superficial, but I thought this version may be more fitting considering how I write Alt-Germany)

[Summary: Crossover with the Wrath arc of the Evillious Chronicles. Everyone is searching for their very own Happy Ending... But where is his, if it exists at all?

Young Ludwig Beilshmidt lives alone in a cabin, waiting for the return of his mother. But one winter morning, a certain, seemingly chance encounter, changes his life forever, leading his life to become increasingly entangled with much larger plans...]

(Yes, lame summary, but I didn’t know how to write it without spoilers. The same text as the original is copy-pasted below)

Couldn’t come up with a better title.

Okay… so… holy hell.

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written. And it isn’t even finished.

I thought “Superbia” was long. But… I outdid myself. Over FORTY FREAKIN’ PAGES IN GOOGLE DOCS. And again, this is not finished, I’m splitting it so I at least have the hope of releasing something! With two routes! This is a novel, folks!

I’m probably going to repost this for the Christmas event since I want as much people to see them as possible. Because there are some Christmas elements here. So yeah, you can take this as an early Christmas fic too.

This will be a movie, folks. Grab a seat and some popcorn.

Also, look, it’s goddamn Ludwig torment again! For the fourth time in the span of a month! And this might just be the most elaborate way I’ve tormented the poor guy yet. But I didn’t really have many options.

So I wanted to enter Mirror Week, but in the main canons write in, Alt-talia and Hetalia Emblem, I haven’t come up with any use for 2Ps, and in the former case I can’t see how I could use them.

However, there was one Alt-talia spin-off AU I had been thinking they would exist on; I didn’t know whether I wanted to release media to it so early, and due to a reason I will explain in a moment, I was reluctant to release media about it in general. But… I went with it.

This is my Evillious Chronicles AU. Yes, an AU of an AU. What about that.

Basically, the Evillious Chronicles is what started as a series of Vocaloid songs telling a much larger story; it has since ballooned into a vast, tangled network of light novels and other such media. It’s as confusing as it sounds. Some of you may have heard of the songs “Daughter of Evil” and “Servant of Evil”; those were the first songs to be released in that series. Those two songs weren’t self-contained, oh no.

The thing is, for this AU I wanted to write just based on the seven sin songs (and Servant of Evil), with accompanying Hetaloid covers, and leave the rest of the story up to the audience. I’m still planning on that. However, I still wanted to enter the event, so here I am presenting a version of events for one of the arcs; however, it is merely the route that hews closest to Evillious canon from what I can gather of it. So yeah, NONE OF THIS IS HARD CANON. Especially since I wasn’t sure on the roles of some characters here.

Also, if I somehow ever get to publishing my main Evillious x Hetalia fics sometime in the future; first of all, hi. But more importantly, please, I implore you, do not read this before reading The Muzzle of Ludwig. Especially the second half. I tried to avoid spoilers, but someone becomes extremely obvious with contextual clues.

Also… it’s not like I wanted to write Ludwig torment again. But he was basically my only option, since he was the only one whose sin most likely overlaps with… well, it’ll become clear as this goes on. Ludwig’s story here is based on Nemesis Sudou’s story. Though since Nemesis and Ludwig are vastly different characters, there may be some plot holes, unfortunately.

And THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: for those who have read none of my other works yet, Alt-talia has often vastly, vastly different characterizations. I based most of these characterizations off of their late 19th century to very early 20th century personalities in Alt-talia. Special OOC warning for the following characters: Austria, Hungary, and Prussia. Minor OOC warning for Germany. I used @askimperialludwig ‘s version of the character as a reference, along with my personal perception and research. may add more later.

Also, credit to my friend @tomboyjessie13 , my Evillious consultant, for helping me through this!

I can’t let this be too long, since the fic is long already. Let’s go!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(Also... people who read my fics, please reblog them. I work hard on them, and want many to see them!)

And since I forgot to add this above the cut; this canon is also one of the few times Nyotalia characters canonically exist as their own entity in my works, if not the only one so far. It’s kind of necessary, since otherwise it’ll turn into a complete sausagefest. However, as I have no set personality for them in main Alt-talia canon, I basically write them the same way as I would their male counterparts, with maybe some minor changes. I do have some ideas for Nyotalia characters in “what if” stories for main Alt-talia canon, but since this would be an Alt-talia spinoff, most of my theoretical audience would be there for the Alt-talia characters who appear in most Alt-talia media. Not to mention male stereotypes for countries are usually more fun anyway. However, in this universe two counterparts of the same character can co-exist. I try to avoid that though.

Also, a character named “Arendt” is briefly mentioned; this is Brandenburg. He isn’t really that important though, and really I’ve barely fleshed him out, so that’s all you need to know.

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The Key To Zorn

Part one: And Then The Boy Went Mad

In a certain continent, there was a forest.

A serene, peaceful forest, where inside one could almost feel mystical energy in the clear, unpolluted air.

Until, under the evening sky, a gunshot sounded.

Ludwig Beilschmidt, a boy of merely 8 with innocent, cornflower blue eyes, ran through the forest he knew so well, a basket of wild berries and herbs in his arms and a small sack over his back.

Soon, in his view, among the trees and wild cornflowers was the only place he had known all his life, the little wooden cottage he called home.

The boy immediately checked his old, somewhat rusted mailbox, a look of anxiousness on his face - one which immediately turned to disappointment upon finding there was nothing there.

He sighed.

“Nothing today either...”

He reached up somewhat, twisting the doorknob and opening the wooden door.

“I’m home!”

No one answered back.

As per usual.

He didn’t expect one anyway.

Ludwig went to the dining table, setting the basket and sack, as well as his small, old-model pistol, down on his side of the table. Inside the sack was a small rabbit; the poor little thing. He hoped it didn’t struggle for long after he had shot it.

He prepared dinner as he always did, the bubbling as the ingredients stewed the only sounds other than the cries of the wildlife outside.

And he ate in silence by the light of the lamp, staring at the empty, vacant other side of the table, the light of the sun dim and faint.

“Mutter, is it good?”

Nothing.

Ludwig sighed again, going back to shoving the stew into his mouth.

——-

Ludwig tucked himself into bed after a bath and a change of clothes, now in his old, almost too small pajamas, having finished the book in his hands an hour ago - while he had reread it and others several times already, it was a window into a world different from his, where friends supported each other and families told stories in front of the fire - but now that it was over, here he was, once again, stuck in loneliness, on his own, within the cold, dark walls of a small cabin.

Once again, it was quiet. All too quiet; except for the sounds of the forest.

Now as he had nothing to distract him, every rustling of the underbrush, every animal cry made him bristle. The forest was his comfort by day, almost a second mother, but by night, it was dark, feral.

He pulled his blankets up to his face, curling up, shaking like a leaf. He felt any moment, a beast could break through the walls and tear him to shreds.

He missed his mother so much, oh how he missed her. Her harsh but protective voice, her calloused hands squeezing his wrists. He missed his onkel Arendt, who told him stories of the battles he and Mutter had been through.

She’s dead. She’s dead, accept it.

No, no she wasn’t.

She couldn’t be. She had to be alive.

She was too strong to die.

She would come back. She always came back.

His mother wouldn’t want to see him like this anyway. He was being pathetic.

“Einz, zwei, drei...”

He took a deep breath. He was stronger than this.

Imagining his mother was standing by his bed, staring at him with disapproval at his fearful behavior, finally his shivering started to lessen ever so slightly.

He needed to make it so that when she came home with another medal shining on her chest, she could come home to a son she could be proud of, after all.

“Good night.”

He said to no one in particular, as he let the faint moonlight be his comfort, finally closing his eyes.

Lu li la la lu li la la la...

A soothing, calming melody played in his mind; Ludwig didn’t know where he knew it from, but as it surrounded him in soft, almost familiar gentleness, the shivering stopped, his muscles loosened, and he was finally lured into the welcome embrace of sleep.

Lu li la la lu li la la la…

Lu li la la lu li la la la...

———-

“FIRE!”

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Birds flew away in massive numbers, disturbed by the sudden noise.

Ludwig blew the steam off his pistol, seeing that the bullets had all landed near-target. Almost there.

Not bothered by the recoil anymore, he lined up the shot again, swearing he would get it right this time.

Every two days he did this, before 10 sets of running, marching, and every parallel bar routine; this wasn’t how most children his age passed their time, willingly anyway, if the books he read were any indication, and surely he felt sorry for the animals who had to hear such things, as they were the closest things to friends he had. But it broke the silence.

And most of all, he could almost sense his mother beside him during these practice drills; he could feel her hands on his arms guiding him in his aim, and hear her voice shouting in tandem with him as he shouted “FIRE!”. In fact, sometimes he swore she actually was there, by his side.

He took a deep breath and aimed again.

“FIRE!”

-----------------------

When he came home, he once again saw a basket of supplies.

They always puzzled him. They came at such random, unpredictable intervals, filled with food, a few bottles of milk, several cartridges of bullets, and even occasionally a book, toy, bar of soap, or other extra, but by the time he found them no one was ever there.

He should be grateful. Though he wished someone would explain to him.

Oh well.

-----------------------------

Days passed, then months.

Once again, on the night of his 9th birthday, Ludwig laid alone, the weak moonlight unable to brighten his gradually deepening pit of despair.

The silence was maddening. He craved for any touch, for any warmth of another person, for anything. But even that simple wish was too much to ask.

He bunched up the worn blanket, the cold, frigid winter air seeping into the cabin.

Every day, he wondered if he was slowly going mad.

Holding a cornflower and his mother’s black cross necklace to his chest, looked out into the moon, to the night sky peeking from a clearing in the trees.

A star shot through the night sky, and Ludwig was quick to make his wish.

I hope Mutter will answer my letters soon.

She had always told him that believing in such things was foolish.

But what was the pain in hanging onto the little light he could find?

-------------------

Now’s your time.

Alright. I’m going in. See you.

------------------

One cold, chilling day, towards the final days of the year he turned 9, Ludwig stepped outside to check his mailbox again.

Snow lightly dusted the ground, softly landing on his old, worn coat.

He had checked his homemade calendar; Sancbruma. Such a lovely holiday. But now, just yet another cold, freezing, lonely day. Oh well. He had known Pater Natalis wasn’t real for years to need confirmation.

But this day, after creaking the old thing open, he found something.

His heart almost stopped.

Immediately, he ripped the envelope often, his heart pounding in his ears, his breath quickening, and he immediately glued his focus to the words, written specially to be understandable to a child.

Ludwig Beilshmidt, we are sorry to inform you that…

Time seemed to stop. He swore his heart stopped.

Dread shot through his body like lightning.

He read on, clinging onto the little hope that still remained with him all those years as they escaped from him, flying away as he fell deeper.

…

…

Tears fell from his face.

She was gone.

She was really gone.

Finally, suppressed despair replaced dread, filling every corner of his mind and body, every nerve, every muscle.

But mixed with it, and eventually almost overpowering it in the concoction of emotion, was wrath.

Pure, unbridled wrath.

He tore the paper and screamed, his screams piercing the serene forest air.

Tears fell from his eyes like a burst dam as he cried into his hands, cursing whoever had killed her, her fate, the cruelty of the gods.

If only he could get his hands on whatever bastard killed her, he would strangle them, he would gouge out their eyes, he would shoot them in the leg and watch them bleed to death, how dare they take his mother away!

He had always been told the best came to those who were patient.

He was proven wrong that day.

All those years, waiting, hoping, hoping for nothing.

Nothing.

His mother was never going to come back. Ever.

Grief, anger, and sadness gripped his small frame as he shook, on the ground, his young brain besieged with intense emotions and reality, dreaded, painful reality.

Don’t cry. How pathetic. Is that how I raised you?

Ludwig forced himself to take deep breaths, desperately fighting his tears and holding back the flow of the concoction of emotions any further.

No, his mother wouldn’t want to see him like this. He couldn’t let her be honored like this.

“Einz, zwei, drei, einz, zwei, drei...”

He took a breath with every word, forcing his emotions back and attempting to lock them away, until finally once again he could think somewhat coherently.

It was here he noticed something perched on the mailbox.

An eagle.

A medium-large eagle with pointy, perky ears and snout; a magnificent, beautiful coal-black Fernirhund, its bright, intelligent eyes a rare violet.

He didn’t notice it before in his panic, but now the dominant emotion in his mind was confusion.

As he sniffled, the eagle nudged him again with its nose, looking up at him with its soulful eyes.

“...A eagle?”

The eagle stared at him back.

Ludwig’s mind immediately jumped back to the beginning of the year.

I hope Mutter will answer my letters soon.

“Are… are you from my Mutter?”

Silence.

Immediately, he embraced the eagle, making it yelp, crying into its fur.

“It’s adorable! I love it Mutter! Thank you!”

It let him cry into its fur, as the boy’s short arms wrapped around it in the first living thing it had embraced, nay, touched, in years.

He was actually holding something living. Oh, it had been so long. Oh so long.

He had almost forgotten what it felt like to hold life in his arms, to feel its warmth, to feel its gentle rising and falling, to hear the subtle sounds of another’s breath in his ears.

For the first time in years, despite the unforgiving cold of the winter morning air, warmth reached Ludwig’s heart, happiness brewing with and overpowering now subdued despair and rage.

<Sure… Whatever makes you happy, kid.>

------------------------------------------

“Oy vey… I was too late again.

...This world is fucked.”

-------------------------------------

Ludwig put a saucer of stew in front of the eagle, which surely enough it soon started lapping up.

“It’s good right? What should I call you… I’ll have to give you a name.”

He stared at the eagle, deep in thought.

“Oh, I know… Schwarzchen!”

The eagle looked at him.

“You like it? Then Schwarzchen it is!”

<...I didn’t say anything. ’Blackie’? You cannot be serious.>

--------------------

That night was different from usual.

Ludwig nestled his head in Schwarzchen’s fur, holding onto him like a stuffed animal, running his fingers through his soft coat. It had seemed reluctant at first, clearly not used to such close contact but as Ludwig begged it to stay, as if it understood him, it decided to stay with him.

The eagle’s breathing neutralized the deafening silence he had gotten so used to, its warmth protecting his small body from the frosty air.

It was like heaven.

Oh, he almost forgot something.

He took his mother’s necklace from his bedside table, putting it around the eagle’s neck like a collar.

“There. Perfect. It suits you.”

He barked.

“Good night, Schwarzchen.”

That night, sleep came to Ludwig easier than usual, as he was surrounded by his new companion’s soft breathing and warm fur.

----------

“Hallo. Kid. Wake up.”

Ludwig awoke, his eyes fluttering open.

Once his eyes focused, he almost yelped in shock.

He was somewhere he didn’t recognize, some formless void; Schwarzchen was nowhere to be seen, nor were the walls of his cabin or even his forest, all that remained was his bed.

In front of him was a man clad in what seemed to be a long white lab coat and some type of mantle, or at least Ludwig assumed, his clothing style almost resembling that in illustrations in one of his novels, ostensibly chronicling ancient legends; but not just any man.

A man who looked almost exactly like how one would imagine Ludwig would look like when he was older, save for his unnatural purple, almost magenta eyes that shined with a calculating glint, a scar under his left.

“H… hallo?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to hurt you.”

“I… Who are you?”

The man smiled at him softly; despite his harsh features, it calmed some of Ludwig’s nerves, just a little.

“That isn’t important. But you’re lonely, right? And it’s causing you pain, yes?”

His voice was deep; much lower than Arendt’s, the only other reference he had for an adult man, surprising Ludwig a bit.

The boy nodded.

The man dug into one of his pockets, taking out a key.

“Here. I’ll be your friend; all you have to do is take the other end of this key, and you won’t feel any of that loneliness and pain any more…”

Tentatively, Ludwig took it.

The boy gasped as he suddenly felt something overwhelming and indescribable other than energy blitz between him and the strange man through the key; it was painless, in fact almost manic energy, bright lights flashing in his vision.

Ludwig woke up.

The boy laid there, his eyes wide, his mind mulling over what he had just seen.

“A dream… it was a dream… Who was that man?”

He turned, and there Schwarzchen was.

“Never mind… Good morning, Schwarzchen.”

<Are you really going with that name?>

Ludwig blinked.

“...Did you just…”

<I thought children were supposed to be creative?>

Ludwig’s eyes widened. He held his head; it seemed to be coming from within his head, like a thought, instead of from his ears.

“...Schwarzchen? Is that you?”

<Yes, this is the eagle. And I have a name.>

Ludwig took a few seconds to process the information.

“...What? ...Mein Gott, I’ve really gone crazy…”

<No. This is real. I’m speaking to you through something called telepathy. Speaking to you through your mind. I could explain all the intricate details but it would probably short-circuit your child brain.>

“I know what it is. But it’s just like in the stories! Wow! I didn’t know they really happened!”

<Well you could say that.>

Ludwig sat up on the side of his bed.

“You keep insulting my naming sense. So what is your name?”

“Schwarzchen” looked him directly in the eyes.

<Well, well, it’s the same as yours, funnily enough. Ludwig.>

“We have the same name? What a coincidence.”

<But I know that is confusing. Just call me Lutz. That is what everyone calls me.>

“Alright… Lutz it is. ...I liked ‘Schwarzchen’ though.”

<...Whatever, kid.>

---------------------------

Like that, Ludwig and Lutz became friends.

His 10th birthday had been the best birthday he had in years, even if it was just the two of them.

Over time, Lutz taught the boy how to use telepathy; and without him saying a word, he became a third hand to him.

...Sometimes. Other times, the eagle merely yawned, telling him to “Do it on his own.”

Ludwig wondered if all eagles were like this. But even then, he didn’t mind. Even if Lutz was a cold, snarky jerk sometimes, it didn’t matter.

Every day, they ate together, went hunting together, bathed together, and at the end of the day slept together.

He could almost forget his loneliness, and the fact that his mother would never return.

Almost.

——————

As Ludwig braced himself on his bed, he once again counted his breaths.

The wrath he felt that day; it was coming back. From within, it seemed to spread to his entire body, to the point it was unbearable.

He would never forget that pain. He couldn’t. But mindless rage was for the foolish.

He wouldn’t forget. But he would remember, silently.

When he looked to Lutz, Lutz didn’t seem afraid at all. He merely stared at him with those violet eyes.

Ludwig embraced Lutz, not letting go.

-----------------

Lutz stared at the young boy as he slept, his chest rising and falling.

<How cute.>

It was easy.

A bit too easy.

What did he expect from a child though.

<Still, would have liked a bit more of a challenge.

Oh well. Sleep tight, kid.

...Though why do you have to use me as a pillow?>

--------------------

Over the next year, Ludwig grew. Now on the cusp of puberty, he became stronger, he could run faster and further, and he could shoot with more and more accuracy.

On the morning of his 11th birthday, Lutz presented him with a query.

<Kid.>

“Huh? What is it, Lutz?”

<Now that you know that your mother isn’t coming home…>

Ludwig froze.

<Don’t cry on me.>

“I wasn’t going to”

<Yes, yes. In anyway, since you know you mother isn’t coming home, what’s the point staying in this place anymore?>

The boy pondered it.

<I’m a eagle and even I think it’s pointless waiting for someone if they’re clearly dead. Well maybe I’m not the one to talk here.>

He was right.

“But… This is all I have ever known.”

<Don’t worry about it. You’re smart. I think. You should find out what to do soon enough.>

“...Jawohl. I don’t know what my purpose is being here forever too… It’s not like this place will disappear either. And it’s not what Mutter would want me to do. ...We’re leaving tonight.”

————-

Ludwig opened his drawer.

There it was; the notice he had torn up all those years ago.

Why did he still have it?

Just so he would never forget, probably.

Ludwig sealed the notice into a pouch before the rage became too much to bear, stuffing it into his bag, going to fetch his clothing. He had a sailor suit saved up for “special occasions”; he hoped he hadn’t outgrown it already.

--------------

Ludwig looked behind his back one last time to the small cabin, the cornflowers, the trees he had known for his entire 11 years of living.

It felt so odd to know he would be away from it.

He quickly ran back, Lutz grumbling behind him, and picked a few flowers, pressing them between the pages of a book.

<Are you done now?>

“Jawohl. Coming, coming!”

-----------

When Ludwig entered the capital, the little truly important belongings he had on his and Lutz’s backs, he was in awe.

It bustled with energy, with people, rickety, clanking automobiles and trolleys spewing steam or smoke that made him cough if he went to close, radio commercials resounding through the air, as well as delicious smells the likes of which he hadn’t known in years, some never before, but mixed in with the inexplicable smell of whatever was coming out of the automobiles.

Ludwig wasn’t quite sure whether he liked it or disliked it, but most accurately he would describe it as a strange mix of the two; but more than anything, everything was so new.

He marveled at the sight of a trolley passing by, when he heard honking behind him.

“Get out of the way brat!”

Ludwig stepped back, hopping back to the sidewalk, and an automobile clunked on, its driver looking at him irritated.

But its movements fascinated him, how the machine seemed to move magically, how it seemed to have a life of its own.

“...Where should I even start?”

<Well? Do you have any relatives?>

“Not that I know of.”

Lutz pointed in the direction of some other children, in a way much like how a pointer or setter eagle would.

<You could try living on the streets like them for a few days. See where it gets you.>

“...Oh.”

Ludwig sighed. He may as well.

————-

“Shoo! Shoo!”

“No money? We aren’t a charity, sorry.”

“Outta the way!”

————-

Ludwig slept in an alley that night, huddled in his old blanket, snuggling against Lutz, who had gotten used to the close contact years ago.

He was so tired. He just remembered he hadn’t slept for an entire day, and it was finally catching up to him.

He had gotten some attention due to being cleaner-looking than the rest, though Lutz was far more charming in their eyes. But more often than not, the overwhelming message in the air was clear; he wasn’t welcome here.

“Lutz?”

Lutz looked up.

<What is it, kid?>

“Why didn’t you tell me I needed money for everything?”

<Didn’t you read about it?>

“I didn’t know it was this necessary.”

<I can’t hold your hand all the time.>

“...Lutz?”

<...What now?>

“There’s so many people here. But I still feel so alone.”

<Well at least you got some to get through the night. Don’t be choosy.>

“Jawohl… Good night.”

————

Seeing no reason not to, Ludwig had decided to explore the city a bit more the next morning, after having helped himself and Lutz to a piece of bread and some beef jerky he had bought, plus the miscellaneous items he had been given the day before.  

After a long while of walking, taking in the different sights, from the historical landmarks and building to new projects, some even in the midst of being built, neatly separated or together, working in at times harmonious and at times chaotic tandem. Every so often he saw stray animals run about. After some time he started to see schoolchildren, some about his age, run to school with their friends, adults dressed in suits on their way to work.

Until, Ludwig started to feel the air change.

It felt somewhat... sticky? The breeze seemed stronger. And inexplicably salty.

For he had reached the city harbor. Birds, they were called seagulls he believed, cawed above. Fishermen had far since left the dock, and in the distance, trade ships were being loaded to go who knows where. And they were floating on a vast, open field of water, water, nothing but water.

“Lutz... is this...”

<The ocean? What, you don’t even know what the ocean is?>

He had heard his mother’s stories about the ocean; while she had never been a woman of the seas per se, she was in the army, not the navy after all, he had heard her describe growing up near it. It was odd thinking that she, too, had been a child once like him.

This ocean was to her like the forest was to him, quite possibly.

She had also spoken about a rumor; a rumor that a wish put into a bottle and cast into the sea would, eventually, be granted. She had dismissed it as childish of course. And she did say that she much preferred the land after growing up.

Though according to Onkel Arendt, she would at times, despite this, just go to her childhood home, staring out into the eternal ocean.  

He wondered what she had thought as her red eyes stared out into the distant horizon, the salty breeze flowing through her silver-white hair. 

It was strange, imagining his mother like that. The sea was so free, almost careless; the complete opposite of her. But maybe that was exactly what drew her to it.

Ludwig started running along the dock, letting Lutz chase him, the briny wind rushing past him and through his hair. People had started to come to swim, and the city was starting to fully come to life.

Even if life was hard, at least he had some way of entertaining himself when everything was so brand new.

--------------

One day, a duo of teenagers spotted Ludwig.

And being the thugs they were, Ludwig suddenly found himself in confrontation with two kids much larger, older, and stronger than he; even if Ludwig was tougher than most 11-year-olds, these two seemed to be about 14 at least, if not, and probably, 15.

“Hey street rat, where’s your mutti?!”

Ludwig tried not to pay them any heed, even if he bristled at the rude words.

“...What business do you have with me?”

The shorter one grabbed him by the collar.

“I asked you a question, shorty!”

After the initial shock and fear, Ludwig felt a flash of anger. His fists clenched as he tried to struggle his way out. And worst of all was that he couldn’t do anything.

<Kid. Listen.>

“What?!”

<Listen to me. Tell me to “Intimidate”. Now. Don’t ask questions.>

“Of course! ...Intimidate, Lutz!”

————-

Ludwig stood there, dumbfounded at what he had just witnessed, as the teenagers ran away, screaming “DEMON eagle! DEMON eagle!”.

And there Lutz was, looking terribly bored, as if nothing had happened.

————

A week passed; Ludwig counted, as he always valued timekeeping, no matter what. The other street children left him alone, eyeing him strangely. Occasionally, he heard extortionists threatening some unfortunate soul.

That was when, however, Lutz told him something vital.

<Hey. Have you ever considered asking the police if you have any relatives?>

Ludwig looked at the eagle, puzzled.

“What?”

Lutz pointed at a building.

<There. It says “POLIZEI”. Can’t you read?>

“...Why? Won’t they throw me in jail or something?”

<Actually they have records too. They might have your mother’s family on file.>

Lutz looked up to see Ludwig’s dumbfounded face staring back at him.

“...Why didn’t you tell me that, you mutt?!”

<Thought it would be interesting to observe you. Also don’t be too loud. Everyone will think you’re a crazy person.

Ludwig took a look around, and indeed there were some passerbys staring at him.

Ludwig loudly sighed, his palm on his face.

“...Fine. Thanks anyway.”

--------------------------

“Your name?”

“Ludwig Beilshmidt.”

The officers looked at him for a few seconds.

“...As in Julia Beilshmidt? General Julia Beilshmidt?”

“Jawohl.”

They were in shock.

“...Excuse me? Is something wrong?”

“Erm… We apologize. Ja.”

“Do I have any relatives? I need some place to stay.”

“...Ja. We will search immediately. Please wait here. But it may take a while.”

————-

“Hallo? Is this the police? Why must you be calling?”

“Well, you see, sir… It appears that a relative of yours has suddenly shown up out of nowhere. ...He claims to be Beilshmidt’s son.”

“...Mein Gott. Julchen did say she had a son… I knew she wasn’t the type who should be able to take care of a child. I will be there as soon as I can.”

-------------

<This is boring.>

“I know, Lutz. Shut up.”

Lutz yawned.

“He should be here soon-”

It was then that the door to the police station opened with just enough force to be noticeable without slamming.

Standing there was a dark brown-haired gentleman with a large, curly cowlick, probably in his thirties, most likely affluent from his clothing.

“Excuse me, I hear there was someone waiting for me here?”

Ludwig stood up, and their eyes met.

“Hallo. ...You are Ludwig?”

He adjusted his glasses, then his tie.

“Ja?”

He looked him over.

“Ah, I can see some of the resemblance. Though you’re actually somewhat adorable, unlike her.”

“...Is that an insult against her?”

Realizing his mistake, the man cleared his throat.

“Ah, sorry.”

He outstretched his hand.

“I am Herr Roderich Edelmann. Your mother’s cousin. Nice to meet you. I’ve heard about you, but it is nice being able to see you with my own two eyes.”

Ludwig took the hand, shaking it.

“Ludwig Beilshmidt. Nice to meet you, Sir.”

Then, suddenly, Roderich’s formal facade dropped and he pulled the boy into a hug.

“You’re so precious! You may call me Onkel Roderich! Don’t worry, we will take great care of you!”

Lutz looked on in amusement as Ludwig’s cries of shock became muffled in the man’s chest.

Ludwig was flabbergasted. It had been so long since he had been hugged. He only could relive them in his memories, and they weren’t frequent, but here he was, feeling it yet again, surrounded by warmth; he didn’t know how to process it.

But if there was one emotion he was certain about as the man smoothed his hair and cooed over him, it was that he felt loved.

————-

Ludwig held on tightly as the automobile rocked around them. Roderich didn’t seem to mind it whatsoever, but Ludwig had only heard of an automobile once, and had seen, much less ridden, none. Roderich was happy to make him comfortable next to him though, warning him whenever a bump or “pothole” was coming up.

“I forgot to ask… what is that eagle doing with you? A purebred Fenrir no less?”

Lutz was lazily sprawled out in the back seat behind them, his ears pricking somewhat at the mention of him.

“Oh, that’s Lutz.”

“...Lutz? As in…”

“Jawohl.”

Roderich looked puzzled.

“Erm… Mutter named him.”

Roderich huffed.

“Ah, Julchen, of course…”

“He was my last Sancbruma present from her before she died.”

Roderich quieted for a few seconds.

“Oh… I see. We will accommodate him too. Do not worry. ...Also, no need to ‘jawohl’ around me.”

“Jawo… ja.”

—————

Onkel Roderich was a renowned musician; he was a master of many instruments and even knew how to compose, but his main forte was the piano. He was sought after for his talents across the land.  

And he had the house to show it as well.

“Welcome to your new home, Ludwig.”

Ludwig took it all in; the house was already larger than average compared to others in town, and as a boy who had grown up in a small log cabin all his life, it seemed especially enormous.

A woman with long, light brown hair came up to them, looking from Roderich to Ludwig.

“Ah, Erzsébet! This is my nephew, Ludwig. He will be staying with us from now on.”

Roderich bent his knees so he was at Ludwig’s level.

“Ludwig, this is Erzsébet, my wife.”

“H… hallo. Nice to meet you, Tante Erzsébet.”

Ludwig outstretched his hand.

The woman merely eyed him for a few seconds.

“Hallo. I guess.”

She said, gruffly, with a distinctly foreign accent.

Roderich sighed.

“Erzsébet, why do you have to be like this?”

“Why do we have to take in this ratty-looking kid?”

Ludwig scowled.

“Hey!”

Roderich held Ludwig closer, glaring at her.

“Erzsébet! He’s a child! Have you no heart?!”

“Fine, fine.”

She shook his hand, roughly.

“But the eagle is cute though. And wow, a Fenrir?! Hallo, come here!”

Lutz merely yawned.

Ludwig couldn’t help but snicker as an unamused frown crept across Erzsébet’s face.

“...Whatever. Make yourself at home I guess.”

She walked off.

“Prepare the bath and extra room for the boy! Come on now!”

Roderich commanded, and soon after servants bowed and quickly ran upstairs in single file.

“Don’t mind my wife. She wasn’t exactly enthusiastic to hear from you. But she will warm up to you eventually. Though… you are in need of new clothes, aren’t you?”

He gave the boy a once-over, making Ludwig look down to his old, beaten-up and washed out child-sized military uniform.

“Sadly, we do not have any clothes your size as of now. I will have a servant hire the tailor immediately. Meanwhile I will order them to wash what you have now.”

<He’s awfully happy to see you, isn’t he?>

“Ja… he seems like a nice person.”

————

That might, Ludwig had the best dinner he had ever had.

He could only marvel at the dishes in front of him; even those he had heard of before looked so refined. And there was so much of it! The variety of bread available was amazing.

But he couldn’t let himself forget his discipline. Even if it took all his willpower not to start gorging himself on everything like he had been possessed by some demon of gluttony.

“Onkel, what is this?”

“A chocolate torte, you see. A type of cake.”

Ludwig remembered actually having a cake a grand total of once. He still remembered its sweetness so well and it was probably the best thing he ever had eaten. And then there were two other things he had only read about before.

...And Lutz seemed unusually interested in it.

He couldn’t blame him though, it’s aroma was mesmerizing to Ludwig’s senses.

“Chocolate? Is that what the brown is?”

“You have never had chocolate before?! Mein Gott, Julchen, What have you done?”

Ludwig was quick to take a bite, and he froze.

The mellow, deep sweetness melted on his tongue, spreading throughout his mouth in such an indescribably perfect way, a tinge of bitterness within that instead of detracting from the experience, somehow harmonized with the sweetness in such a heavenly way.

“...Ludwig?”

“...It’s amazing.”

Roderich seemed somewhat amused by how floored the boy was.

“Even your mother was quite a fan.”

<Hey, hey. Kid.>

Ludwig was surprised by the unusual agitation in Lutz’s thoughts. He didn’t think he had ever heard anything like it before.

“Lutz? What is-“

<I need it. Now. Don’t ask questions!>

Ludwig almost panicked, giving a piece to the impatient eagle.

“Ludwig!”

“I… erm… It was unfair to have it to myself!”

“...Wasn’t chocolate poisonous to eagles?”

Erzsébet questioned.

“Wait wha-“

<Don’t worry. ... Ahh, bliss...>

Ludwig smiled nervously.

“He’ll be fine.”

The couple just stared, confused.

“Erm…”

“Trust me! I know him well. ...Can I have more? Please?”

“Absolutely.”

His face absolutely lit up at that, and in the corner of his vision Ludwig saw quite possibly the most genuine expression of joy he had seen from Lutz in all the time he knew him.

“Why’s it that everyone in your family loves chocolate so much?”

Erzsébet asked as her husband took another piece.

“Why don’t you is the better question.”

“...Actually, yup, you two definitely are related. Leave some for me though!”

————

Roderich doted on the boy; he made sure he had the nicest clothes and the nicest food that he could afford.

He had made sure the room was in absolute best condition, that his pillows were always fluffed and bed always made, even if Ludwig insisted he wanted to do it on his own.

He taught him everything about the basics of civilization, how to read more complex sentences, how to play the piano and the violin, even how to dance. He took him with him to work, across the city and sometimes even country to places he had at best read about and to meet so many new people.

His next Sanctbruma and 12th birthday were the most extravagant he had ever had.

Yet…

Yet something was missing.

Despite the man’s kindness, he felt something wasn’t right. Ludwig couldn’t put a finger on what, and he felt awful about it to be sure; he did so much for him, what more could a boy ask for?

But yet…

Sure, Erzsébet never completely warmed up to him; even if she wasn’t as cold to him, according to Lutz she was merely tolerating him. And the same was true for many of the servants.

But that didn’t change the fact that Roderich himself was nothing but loving towards him. Even if he had curfews and other such rules, he never had trouble with rules. His mother raised him to obey rules. And while he was often busy, he still tried his best to spend time with him.

Finally, he actually had someone who resembled a parent after all those years. He should have been thankful.

But he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Someone had to be doing something wrong.

At times, he still lay awake at night, those lonely days and nights and that fateful Sanctbruma playing back in his mind; as well as the accompanying emotions of pure hatred and wrath.

Once, Roderich has entered the room at an inopportune time to Ludwig curled up in his bed, seething, growling at him to leave him alone.

While he didn’t say anything about it at dinner, it was obvious he was disturbed by it.

“...Lutz. Why can’t I be happy? I still feel alone, but I don’t even know why.”

<Maybe you’ve been alone for too long. You’re past the point of return, kid. Maybe you should come to peace with it.>

“At least I have you.”

<Whatever.>

———

“Ludwig.”

“Ja, Onkel Roderich?”

The man sighed.

“It has been over a year since you started living with us. What is it with your standoffish behavior? Is something wrong? I will listen to it.”

“...I just can’t, Onkel.”

“Excuse me?”

“I… Something just doesn’t feel right. I don’t know why.”

The man looked so disappointed.

“I try my best to make you happy, Ludwig. I really do. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to satisfy your needs.”

“Nein. It isn’t that.”

Roderich shook his head.

“As I was saying… the chords for this piece are…”

—————

Ludwig continued to do his practice drills whenever possible, even if they had taken a different shape; makeshift targets became proper shooting galleries, improvised exercises became possible using an open space between buildings and proper equipment. And as he grew more and more by the day, his physical abilities took leaps and bounds above what he had been capable of before. He just wished he could go more than weekly. At first, Roderich objected, but it didn’t take long for him to cave in.

After all, he had to keep himself in shape, especially as he now had access to all the candy and chocolate that could be plausibly afforded.

After a while, Roderich started to continuously try to ask him to consider other options in this weekly time slot. He was never too forceful, however. And after a while, as Ludwig expressed his clear annoyance, it finally ceased just as it had begun.

There was another episode that irked Ludwig.

One night, as he went to get a glass of water, he had seen Roderich, seemingly sneaking away from his room.

“...Onkel?”

The man bristled as soon as he turned on the lights.

“Erm… Ludwig, I didn’t expect you to be awake..

Then, Ludwig saw it.

In his hands was his mother’s necklace.

“...What are you doing with Mutter’s necklace?”

He immediately stuffed it inside his pocket and turned around, a fake smile on his face.

“What necklace, my dear Ludwig?”

“I know you’re hiding it.”

The man sighed, taking it back out again.

“I… I wanted to put it in a place it will be safer in.”

Ludwig tried not to grill him further, even as he felt something fueled by doubt start to boil within him.

“I’m sure it will be safe with me. It’s been so for all the years I’ve had it. Can I have it back now?”

“...Ja.”

Ludwig swiftly took it back, going down to get his glass. He really needed one.

“You could tell a servant to get it for you?”

“No. I prefer to do it on my own.”

When Ludwig had returned to his room, he had quite the things to say to Lutz.

“Lutz. Why did you let him take it?”

<I was sleepy, kid. Why do you care about that thing so much?>

“It’s from Mutter. You should know. ...Lutz. If anything, protect this with your life.”

<Oh come on now.>

“I’m serious. It’ll be the last thing I ask of you.”

<Alright, alright. Whatever.>

“You aren’t sincere, are you?”

<What do you want from me? Good night.>

——————

One day, as Ludwig overheard some servants speaking to each other in hushed voices, glancing at him every so often.

He was able to catch two things; “Miss Erzsébet” and “barren”.

He wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. But for whatever reason he didn’t like the sound of it.

That night, after some shouting, once again Roderich stormed out of the master bedroom, telling Erzsébet to “Get a hold of yourself already, you indecipherable woman!”, to his own separate room, as Erzsébet shouted some words back that sounded really angry and probably inappropriate.

<There goes the lovely couple.>

Lutz thought, as Ludwig tried to sleep. Lutz, meanwhile, had no trouble.

————

13-year-old Ludwig stood outside of the bar, alongside Lutz, as always, and other members of his gang.

It was in a seedy, rough part of town. And it was where their rival gang frequented most often.

It wasn’t the most well-to-do of bars, to say the least; as soon as they entered, the air smelt pungently of alcohol, and ambiently of various nasties.

<Ergh. Try coming here as a eagle.>

They immediately saw their target; the offending gang’s leader.

Their leader went up to confront her rival, fists clearly ready to fly.

“Hey! We know ya killed him!”

“Who?”

The rival boss said, with a cheeky grin.

“Ya know who!”

The two continued to escalate their argument, until they became close to blows.

“Enough yammerin’! Get ‘em, boys n’ girls!”

Suddenly, they were grabbed by the rival gang bangers, including Ludwig, who held back a yelp.

“We didn’t kill one of yer ratpack, asshole! Now get out or we’re gonna force ya out!”

“...You better tell us.”

Ludwig said, tersely, utilizing his now lowering voice and copying his mother’s tone.

The rival boss laughed.

“Or what, kid? What are ya gonna do, huh? Man your recruiting standards have gone down!”

His boss smirked.

“Ya better listen to the kid.”

“Or what?”

They laughed uproariously.

“Lutz. Restrain.”

Their laughing instantly stopped, their faces going sheet white, all the other bar patrons, the bartender, and staff turning to gawk.

For they bore witness to the gang boss being pinned down, on the floor, between the claws of a giant, terrifying hellhound, its eyes glowing, its fangs bared, its breath in the unfortunate gangster’s terrified face.

Ludwig walked up to the rival boss with measured steps, the gangsters holding him having let go out of sheer terror, the thumping of his feet the only sounds other than his companion’s breathing and the squeaks and sputtering from bystanders and rival gangsters, and pulled out his old pistol, aiming it at the thug’s head, glaring daggers so sharp that they could gouge eyes out.

Show your enemy no mercy.

Once again, he thought he felt his mother voice in his ear.

“Tell us the truth.”

The rival boss sputtered, shaking like a leaf, looking awfully smaller than the much younger boy.

“We… we… d-d-di…”

Ludwig cocked his pistol.

“Speak in a real language!”

The rival boss flinched, and the rest of the rival gang huddled, terrified.

“W-we didn’t do anything! I-I swear! I swear!”

Ludwig lowered his pistol slightly.

“...Really?”

“J-ja! I swear! I swear by both the Heavenly and Hellish Yards! P-p-please let me go, Sir!”

“...Alright. Lutz, release.”

The eagle shrank back down to size, returning to his original, fluffy, cute self.

His boss grumbled.

“Whoop. That was pointless. Lud, let’s get outta this dump.”

They turned to leave, the other people in the bar still staring at them.

“W-Wait.”

Ludwig and his boss turned back to the humiliated rival boss.

“We might’ve not killed ‘im. But I-I have a good idea who might’ve.”

———-

“So, Lud. Good job today. We’ve got ourselves a lead.”

“Jawohl.”

Their boss patted Ludwig on the head and gave the group a once-over.

“Ok. You’re all dismissed.”

Ludwig was quick to leave, the others staring after him.

“What’s it with him? I swear, it’s like he doesn’t wanna be associated with us.”

“He said something about a curfew.”

“Really? Kid still follows curfews? What is he, 10?”

-----------------

When Ludwig came back, Roderich was waiting for him.

“Ludwig.”

“Onkel Roderich?”

Roderich’s expression was serious and stern.

“...What have you been doing?”

“What do you mean, Onkel Roderich?”

Roderich held Ludwig’s shoulders.

“Let me state this plainly.”

He took a deep breath.

“You’re involved in gang activity, aren’t you?”

Ludwig was in shock.

“How…”

Roderich shook his head, his hand on his forehead.

“Ludwig. I am sure even Julchen taught you to obey rules.”

“I… I don’t want to depend on you for everything. I feel like a leech.”

Roderich was shocked.

“You’re only 13, Ludwig! It is alright! It isn’t worth putting yourself at risk like this!”

“I don’t know how to do anything else.”

Roderich shook his head.

“Don’t say that. You could deliver newspapers, or use those piano skills I taught you-“

“And they’re my friends.”

“Friends?! I care for you, why do you need them?! Do you even know any of their names?!”

“...”

“You’re going to get into trouble eventually, young man.”

“I… I know!”

Roderich flinched.

Ludwig looked down and stormed back into the house, Lutz running behind him, into his room, throwing himself onto his bed.

“Hmph, teenagers...”

Erzsébet mumbled.

—————-

“Ludwig?”

Roderich opened the door to Ludwig’s room that night, peeking in.

Ludwig couldn’t bare to look him in the eye.

“I’m sorry.”

Roderich sighed.

“Is it because I’m not Julchen?”

The boy felt a pang of guilt.

“I’m sorry! I don’t hate you, I’m thankful for what you’ve done, and-”

“I see. Just try to forget about her, alright?”

Ludwig froze. He felt like someone had stabbed his heart.

“But…”

“I do so much for you. I give you everything. What was it that she had that I don’t? I’ve been a far better parent than that stone-hearted, cruel, cold-”

<Oh no. You’ve done it now.>

“DON’T SAY THAT ABOUT MY MUTTER!”

His voice cracked terribly, but he didn’t care.

Roderich stumbled back, his face pale, horrified.

Silence.

“Ludwig… I’m sorry.”

Ludwig buried his face into his pillows.

“...I’ll tell the servants to bring you dinner. I’m sorry. I really am.”

“Leave me alone!”

“...I’m happy with any path you want to take. Just please stay safe.”

Roderich sighed and closed the door.

From that day on, Roderich started informing Ludwig of where police may find him, and locations of stations across the city. Anything for his safety, he had said.

But from that day on Ludwig knew; he knew that his suspicions were true, that all this time he was trying to make him forget about his mother. He couldn’t let that happen. It was only confirmation when he heard him brutally disparage her one night in a drunken stupor during one of his binge-drinking sessions.

Once again, Ludwig could trust no one.

And once again, wrath simmered within him.

----------------

Their boss summoned Ludwig and the rest of the gang to a gathering; to sort out their clues, they had said.

Ludwig was appreciated for his abilities; but outside of the action, he sat somewhat removed from the rest. He couldn’t connect with them much either.

His mother had despised lawbreakers; “scum”, “rats”, she would call them. If she knew what he was doing now, she would have caned his palms until they were raw and bleeding. She would have told him he was better than this. He never would have imagined he could stoop this low too. After all, he was his mother’s only son. He should have been destined for greatness.

Quite honestly, he didn’t fully understand what he was doing here either. How did he even get here? Was it just a business affair? Were they really his friends? 

Maybe it was because this was the closest thing to military service he could find. Even if it were on the other side of the law.

A girl a year or so older than him, the second youngest in the gang, came up to him attempting to speak to him. Ludwig hesitated, but in the end continued to be fascinated with the clues they had and Lutz.

“Hey give up on Herr Stick-In-The-Mud already! Bet he’s never even kissed a girl!”

A gangster said, using the nickname they often used when ribbing him.

“What’s with him? He to good for us?” One of them muttered when Ludwig refused a drink.  

“Ja. Imagine being one of us and caring about drinking ages. Never can understand Herr Stick-In-The-Mud.”

“Ja. Where was he raised, His Majesty’s Elite Imperial Barracks?”

“Hey, hey, did you hear that Boss might have the hots for him too?”

“Why don’t you fuckwits shut the fuck up?” Their boss barked at the last one. “The kid’s basically an infant!”

<You’re the most rule-bound gangster I’ve ever seen.>

“Why do they treat it as a bad thing?”

<You’re the one who joined a street gang, genius. They’ve got different rules.>

Ludwig looked at the bottle of cheap moonshine he had been offered again, sighed, and took a gulp.

He immediately gagged.

The last time he’d had booze was when Roderich had allowed him to try beer, and even then he had basically diluted half of it with water and it definitely didn’t taste like... whatever this bottle of horse urine was.

“Ack! This is awful! ...I did it, are you happy now?”

“That’s the spirit!”

“Doesn’t count! He gagged!”

Ludwig took a deep breath.

“Let’s get back on topic. We are discussing the murder of a fellow comrade. This is no time for inane chatter.”

Finally, the air became solemn.

“Ja, reasonable, I guess…”

“Now, onto the information Scout 2 gathered...”

—————-

Ludwig, more than anything, considered himself a logical person.

He and his mother both despised vagueness. It seemed pointless, really, all the dancing around the true meaning of your words in the name of “politeness”. While apparently many in this part of the continent were considered similarly blunt and practical, it seemed even then he was exceptional.

So his own emotional turmoil, how he could never seem to explain himself, frustrated him more than anyone else. It angered him.

But one thing he knew for sure was that he looked forward to stopping by the library on the way home. Thank goodness Roderich had taught him to read to a level more appropriate for his age; it was difficult at first, but he was also fortunately a fast learner.

He always had taken a fascination with the sciences. They were at first glance unpredictable, but once broken down and observed, logical. They made sense, they were rational. Recently, he started finding them more investing than fiction, in fact. And his new reading skills finally made the higher levels of it beyond simplistic drawings attempting to explain the laws of physics and magic accessible.

Which was why today he sat outside the library in his usual spot, looking through a medical encyclopedia, munching on one of many bars of dark chocolate and a small loaf of bread.

Lutz licked up pieces of chocolate Ludwig had given him, peeking from under him.

“HERS?”

<Hereditary Evil Raiser Syndrome.>

Ludwig looked to Lutz in shock.

<A rare genetic, psychiatric disorder with no known cause. Those afflicted by Hereditary Evil Raiser Syndrome, a Hereditary Evil Raiser, or HER, is said to be at their core an incarnation of malice, "programmed" to destroy the gods, everything they created and everything related to them. Therefore, as a natural prerequisite, they typically show extreme cruelty and having the compulsion to increase their own kind and ensure the continuation of their "mission" to spread malice by any means necessary, taking immense pleasure in doing so. Currently there is no known cure, though in high-functioning individuals it may be managed, and manifest in lesser ways.>

“How…”

<I have my ways.>

“Though… Hereditary Evil Raiser Syndrome? Who names this stuff?”

<Hey. They probably had their reasons.>

“Why do you care? Did you come up with it?”

<Maybe. Plus, that’s rich coming from the kid who literally named me “Blackie”.>

Ludwig sighed.

“I... Fine. And wait... are you reading with me?”

<Yeah, I can read. I never told you?>

Ludwig continue to stare at him.

“I... I just didn’t think you would...”

<Turn the page already. I already know this.>

"Maybe you could try reading a novel, Lutz?”

<Don’t care. Why should I care about what you flesh-apes think, much less fake ones? No one in the world knows what I’m thinking anyway.>

Ludwig closed the encyclopedia.

“You mean you feel that no one understands you, right?”

Lutz looked up, his ears erect.

His words struck him like a spark of lightning.

“That makes two of us”

An awkward few moments passed. For once in his life, Lutz had nothing to retort back.

Why was he so shocked?

Ludwig blinked, confused.

“Lutz? What’s wrong?”

<...Nothing.>

Lutz didn’t know what he had just felt.

“That makes two of us” 

It should have meant nothing, coming from this brat.

But yet...

Whatever. It probably still meant nothing.

-------------------------

“We’ve got our guy! Rich bastard’s not gonna know what hit ‘im.”

Their boss said, confidently, gesturing to an assassin she had bought into their abandoned factory hideout.

The assassin looked across the crowd of gangsters.

“So. Which one of you brats wants to come?”

“Actually, we’ve got a good clue already for who’s gonna be a good fit for this mission.”

Ludwig waited, anxiously. He would gladly take the job of avenging his fallen comrade, of course.

“Ludwig!”

Ludwig stood to attention.

“...You’ll be providing nice clothes for us to blend in!”

Ludwig was speechless.

“How… Why?”

<Turns out you aren’t as tough as you thought. Better luck next time, kid.>

But when all had left, he went up to his boss. He needed answers.

“Why am I excluded?”

She looked at him as if he was stupid.

“I don’t think ‘Giant Enemy eagle’ is a viable weapon to use on a cruise ship.”

“But… I can shoot well too! You said I was a great marksman!”

“You’re good. Gotta say that. Still, don’t know about your skills in stealth yet. Can’t risk it. Now, see ya.”

Then, she abruptly cut him off and left.

-----------------

Three days later, Ludwig and the rest of the gang not chosen for the plot awaited at the dock.

Soon, they spotted the assassination party, coming towards them.

One person was clearly missing.

“Hey! Boss! ...Boss? And where’s...”

Her face was dire.

“Shot dead. ...He spotted us.”

“He saw all our faces. All of you are fucked. We’re all fucked.”

More silence.

“...WHAT?!”

Silence immediately gave way to panic.

Ludwig stood, frozen.

“How… Why…”

He clutched his head, overwhelmed.

“But it can’t…”

Emotions swirled inside the boy, overpowering all of his senses, all of his thoughts.

What was going to happen to him? His friends?

“No, no, no, nonononononono…”

<You know what to do, kid.>

Suddenly, he bolted.

Along the harbor, he ran.

Then, in a burst of emotion and without much thought, as if on instinct, he acted immediately as Lutz took a running leap into the sea.

“SIC ‘EM, LUTZ!”

He didn’t even bother with the telepathy.

Everyone could only look on in shock and horror as Lutz became an utter behemoth of a beast, seemingly not completely solid and with a godlike glow, his tail alone twice the size of the ship; to those who were watching from afar, it would have looked as if a demon eagle had risen out of the sea itself.

The ship was no match for the beast. Before anyone could fully comprehend what was going on, the ship had been sunk, every single person on it with it.

----------------

Ludwig walked back to the gang, who all stood staring at him, utterly horrified.

Finally, someone broke the silence.

“...Holy shit.”

Another turned to him, their eyes wide.

“...Lud? Did you just…”.

The boy’s mind was blank. What could he even say?

He had killed all of them. Every single one of them.

But in the end...

“Mission accomplished…?”

“Am I trippin’?”

“Did we just witness a massacre?”

“...What the fuck?”

Ludwig took a deep breath.

“But we accomplished our mission. ...I did what I had to do.”

“Ja, but… Holy shit.”

“In anyway…”

Their boss cleared her throat.

“Let’s… Let’s go with this loot before the cops find out.”

The rest could only muster a “Ja” in unison.

Lutz trotted up to Ludwig, as unbothered as always.

“Lutz…”

<Just did as I was told. Don’t complain to me. Here.>

In the eagle’s jaws was a doll; an eerily faceless, unusual, porcelain-ish doll of indeterminable gender.

<Here. I brought a present.>

“What is…”

<Have it. Since I can’t give you Sancbruma presents, here it is, months early.>

“It’s… it’s probably from a dead child, Lutz!”

<Don’t be ungrateful. Oh, and your buddies are waiting. You should go.>

“...Ja. I did what I had to do. We killed him. That’s all that should matter…”

————-

The news of the shipwreck was all over the radio. They had listened to it in their hideout, huddled around the device.

“The perpetrator is currently unknown. However, many claim to have heard the voice of a boy or young man scream for the eagle to attack…”

————-

When Ludwig came home, Roderich was standing in front of the door, in shock.

“Ludwig…”

“Onkel?”

“...It was you wasn’t it?”

Ludwig looked down to his feet.

“Lutz, specifically…”

<Hey.>

Roderich pulled him into a protective embrace.

“You could have put yourself in so much danger! What if the police find out about you?! Don’t you dare do that again.”

"...”

Roderich pulled him in.

“Now, come in before someone recognizes you.”

—————

Roderich rarely ever let him join the rest of the gang since that day; it was too dangerous, he had said.

He went out in mostly in a dark hood for a disguise, at times without Lutz, for over the radio, one expert had identified the beast as “a black Fenrir transformed with powerful magic.”

Later that year, a month before Sancbruma and two months before his 14th birthday, he had heard something unusual.

<Ludwig… Ludwig…>

“Huh?”

Telepathy. But Lutz wasn’t with him; it came from the doll in his bag.

Ever since that fateful day, Lutz had told him to carry it for some vague reason he couldn’t understand; his alleged simple explanation was “It’s amusing to see you carry around a girly doll like that.”

<Ludwig...>

He took the bag off his back and looked in. 

<Someone is after you. You have been found out. You must run.>

“What?! How do you…”

<Do not ask. Please, please run… you must.>

He slung it back over his shoulder.

“Lutz!”

He had to get Lutz. Now.

But by the time he had gotten home, it was too late.

“No, Sir, he is not here. You will not find him here…”

“There he is!”

Two figures stood with Roderich; two figures he didn’t recognize.

A tanned, sturdy-looking man in a black suit, probably from the south of the continent, turned his attention away from Roderich, and pointed at Ludwig, gun in hand.

“Ludwig Beildshmidt! You are under arrest!”

Ludwig’s eyes widened. Emotions and stress once again blitzed through him.

“Lutz! Restrain! ...Lutz? Lutz?!”

His eyes darted next to the man to the other figure, what Ludwig thought to be a long-haired, somewhat tall foreign woman in eastern attire, her dark, raven hair pulled back into a ponytail; seemingly holding Lutz back without touching the eagle, but clearly struggling.

“Hurry!”

She shouted, in a foreign accent Ludwig didn’t recognize.

Ludwig bolted.

“Don’t you dare, you-“

“Herr Edelmann! Stop, or you will be arrested as well for interfering with police procedure!”

“Don’t touch him!”

The mysterious man finally shoved the weaker-looking man off him and gave chase, but Roderich grappling with him had given him some extra time...

“Ludwig! RUN! RUN!”

But before Ludwig could escape, all of a sudden he was blindsided by a third person, jumping on his back and pinning him down, the boy’s small body no match for the adult.

“LUDWIG!”

“Let me go, LET ME GO!”

That was the last thing he remembered saying before he had been slammed on the back of the head.

Ludwig blacked out.

To be continued in part 2...

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Author’s notes:

So I had to split this thing in half since it became much longer than I expected. Wow this is a monster. You will see the parts listed here after I write them. Parts, because this will have two different routes! Hopefully! Then again it seems like no one read this...

Also, the scene with the sea is even more ambiguous “canon” in this already ambiguously “canon” story, but I wanted to write it in because I liked it, having seen the idea that Prussia has some kind of connection to the sea before and liking it. I wish I could find it now. I think Alt-Prussia would have grown up with the sea when he was younger, and while he would stay very strictly a land fighter (in fact the Prussian navy was never all that good, being mostly a merchant fleet. Even the German navy, while it did go through a growth period in the 1880s in competition with Britain I believe, by WWII at least their Kriegsmarine kind of sucked. It’s why the invasion of Britain never happened, their navy would have been laughably curbstomped), and I still associate England, Netherlands, or Portugal way more with the ocean, maybe the North Sea has some kind of soothing effect on him.

Also adorable child!Germany is adorable. Why do I love this kid so much? Why is he so damn cute?!