#spoiler alert: you’re both fucking awful!!! eat shit and die

[nothingweirdhere]

same goes for antisemites. you can be against zionism and still be normal about jewish people

this blog isn't a safe space for zionists i literally hope you die

[thatyanderecritic]

Deathless

Title: Deathless

Media: Book, Author: Catherynne Valente

Yandere(s): Koschei the Deathless (Or as Julie and I like to call him: “Kosher”)

Yandere Scale: 1/5 (Julie: 0/5)

Criticism written by: Kai

Editor: Julie

Before we begin, Julie and I have two different views on this book. To keep things clean, I did the review while Julie did an analysis; which you can read here.

The Review:

Sigh… Kai here, back with another review. This time I’ll be reviewing the confusing and difficult to follow novel: Deathless. Bear with me as we go down this rabbit hole of a review.

Now booting Kai 2.0 … Version: Salty

Deathless is a story about… uh… Deathless is a tale about a girl named Marya (Mary? Maria? Idk how to pronounce any of these Russian names if it’s not Ivan or Dimitri.) who get whisked away by the tsar of life: Kosher- I mean Koschei and become his wife. In the beginning of the book, Marya was seduced by Koshei and his magical lifestyle. After succeeding in the three tasked made by Baba Yaga (yeah, IDFK. Apparently the Baba Yaga and Koschei are siblings), Baba Yaga gives her blessing to Marya and Koschei’s wedding. But Marya was warned that she would leave Koschei in the future and fall in love with a man named Ivan. Marya swears that’ll never happen; she’ll kill Ivan and eat his heart. Immediately starting in part 2, Marya falls in love with Ivan in the middle of fighting a war with Koschei’s brother (IDFK man, this shit is hard to follow). Marya runs away with Ivan and together they suffer in hunger and poverty. Koschei goes running to Marya and begs for her to take him back. Marya locks Koschei up in her basement (fuck man, I’m so lost) and had Ivan promise to never look in the basement. For a time, things seem to be well with Marya fucking Koschei in the day and banging Ivan at night. But Ivan, being a nosy motherfucker, looks in the basement and discovers Koschei. After Koschei tricks Ivan to give him some water to drink, Koschei regain his magic and kidnaps Marya. Now in part 3 (the final part), Marya and Koschei are living a happy married life in a small Russian town with happy villagers. Things are going swimmingly till Marya gives birth to a little girl… that little girl being the embodiment of Koschei’s death. Koschei died and Marya is freed. Turns out that Koschei had the two of them trapped in a peaceful dream within an egg. But the thing is, Koschei’s death is hidden within an egg… which is why he died (Don’t look at me, I’m fucking tripping as it is as I’m recalling the story). Now back in the real world, Marya looks for Ivan; who was dying from old age. After watching Ivan die, Marya moves on and discovers a town like the town in the dream. There, all her fairytale friends are living there as humans.Only the Baba Yaga recalls Marya and explains how Koschei’s brother won the war and turn all the mystical into the normal. Koschei is still alive in the village and Marya decided to visit him to see if he remembers her… I guess. The ending is ambiguous.

Anyways… what the fuck did I just read? Well… Julie and I technically didn’t read the full novel. Our knowledge comes from a combination of: an 11 hour audiobook of Deathless (which we didn’t finish because we were confused as fuck), the wikipedia summary, two reviews on Deathless, and the actual hard copy of the actual book (which we didn’t finish because we were confused as fuck). Let me just complain here and say this book is damn near unreadable and almost unintelligible. First, people talk as if they’re the goddamn Riddler from Batman. Characters were unable to straight up say what they mean, phrases have double meaning, and it was like reading the writings of Dr. Seuss’s less talented brother. Descriptions were just a fucking pain in the ass to comprehend. Everything about this book was a fucking mental gymnastics. Julie and I had to stop every five minutes to decode what the hell is going on.

You see that? All that flowery words bullshit? Marya is just throwing up. JUST SAY SHE’S THROWING UP AND MOVE ON. CHRIST. It took Julie and I three minutes to figure out what this description was suppose to be about. And this was one of the easier descriptions. It doesn’t even help that the story itself is just plain nonsensical. It felt like I was reading the words of the author after she puked out alphabet soup. Already, Deathless was basis on a Russian folktale that was already wild. With the combination of awful dialogue and confusing description, it was just a maze of a book to traverse.

I get some people will argue with me that this is a good book. For one, I probably just don’t understand it because it’s not my culture. Sure, you might be right. But so is the author… Catherynne is an American. Not Russian. Besides, the original folktale that Deathless is based on was easier to follow than this crap. Next argument some might have is that “Deathless is too sophisticated for your simple mind to handle.” No. It’s not. It’s ridiculously complicated for no reason. Complicated does not mean well written. There is nothing wrong with writing something simpler… you’re trying to create a novel that all adults regardless of age can understand. Truth be told, the writing in Deathless reminds me of the stuff you’ll find in creative writing class. This sort of story would get notes everywhere saying “Less description. More action” or “What do you mean? Clarify.” You're not the next Da Vinci code but a storyteller. Can’t tell a story if it ain’t readable. To compare this book, I would compare it to those research papers you would read in college. Lots of information but written by someone who’s trying to sound smart.

Moving on from my bitching, let’s talk about the one thing people care about the most: the yandere and characters. Based on what Julie and I were able to figure out, Koschie is the supposive yandere here. First let’s talk about him. Besides talking like the chester cat from Alice in Wonderland, Koschie was a surprisingly passionate guy who really cares about Marya. The best scenes with Koschie are the scenes when he isn’t talking and just physically showing his physical affections for Marya (lol). You know the phrase: “You look better with your mouth closed”? That fits perfectly for Koschie. Koschie’s physical interactions with Marya is the only straightforward thing with this entire novel.It was the rain in a desert. Anyways… even though Koschie was a passionate guy, it doesn’t make him a yandere. He breaks many of our rules… but the biggest one he broke was that Koschie still fucks other women besides Marya and keeps a collection of his past wives in a factory. I know the anon explains that these wives were actually Marya in another cycle? But honestly, it doesn’t change anything for us. Btw, anon, you’re seriously a champion for figuring that out. Julie and I did not know at all that this was supposed to be a cycle at all. Shit… I feel like we’re a part of game theory for trying to figure out what this author even means. Spoiler alert: If you have to do a conspiracy theory on your novel, your book ain’t that great.  

Sorry… back to Koschie. Anyways, Koschie says some pretty words here and there. He sounds pretty yandere on paper… I guess. But Koschie bangs other chicks and lets Marya bang other dudes too on the side. Sure, I guess this is a progressive poly relationship. Good for them. But poly relationship plus yandere? It just doesn’t mix. This ain’t it chief. Koschie skims on the edge of being a yandere and being not a yandere. Sure he kidnaps Marya, kill some dudes that have the name Ivan, and say some possessive shit to her, but the actions just doesn’t line up. I don’t know… with the cycle theory in play here, I just see Koschie as a broken man who’s trying to reclaim control over his life. Not exactly a yandere per say. Like imagine: getting cuckold by some normal human, over and over again. Shit, I would go crazy too. I feel really bad for Koschie for falling in love with/having a wife like Marya. Apparently, Koschie and Marya are the same type of people but idk man… Marya is kinda of a crazy bitch too.

I’ll just briefly talk about Marya now. As we all know, a female lead defines a yandere. And Marya? Yikes man. I don’t know where to start with her. First off, Marya somehow managed to be both smart and stupid at the same time. We see that she’s clever enough to solve Baba Yaga’s tasks but she so goddamn stupid. Because of her curiosity, she’s extremely meddlesome and got Koschie almost killed even though he told her not to fuck with the egg… yet she fucks with the egg anyways. Then we jump to part two where Marya is more jaded and blames Koschie for all her misfortune (Idk). It’s not like he did anything bad to her. Honestly, reading their interactions, Koschie has been nothing but a gentleman to her. Besides the fact he bangs other women and like to do some weird power play on Marya, he’s pretty chill. If anything, she brought her own misfortune herself. She chased after Koschie because she’s fascinated by magic and wanted to be part of that world. Now that she’s part of that world, she doesn’t want to bare the burden of it anymore and return back with the humans; with Ivan. Btw, Marya wanted to sort of “keep” both Ivan and Koschie at the same time (because she’s thirsty). I mean… I get the sentiment, but Koschie literally stated that he wasn’t comfortable with that but Marya had her bitchy mode where she scratched Koschie and told him not to talk to her in that way (Weird flex but okay?). Ivan wasn’t cool with the arrangement either, hence why Marya left with Ivan. But oh the irony. Marya left with Koschie to avoid suffering, hunger, and fascination for magic but now with Ivan, Marya returned back to a life of suffering, hunger, and the normal. Again, more irony, Marya and Ivan have a fight because of their lifestyle. This is the part where Koschie comes begging at her door. And Marya, only being able to think with her vagina now, bangs Koschie and locks him in her basement. Just like how Koschie did a weird power play over Marya, Marya now does a power play over Koschie. One of the more fucked up lines Marya said to Koschie was along the lines of, “Lol. Look at you. Trapped in my basement… waiting for my attention while you abandon the war outside.” Like mega yikes my dude. I know Julie and I asked for a twisted female protagonist, but we asked for a relatable twisted female protagonist. Not… this. I guess Marya is strong? But… weird. Honestly… I lost any relatability with Marya the minute she started bouncing between Ivan and Koschie. And with how… sadistic she became towards the end, I don’t blame Koschie’s action. That’s a broken man with possible stockholm syndrome at this point.

Anyways… to summarize… I don’t know what I just read. Story is confusing. Characters are weird. I just have a bunch of puzzle pieces in my hand and a couple of yandere like lines. I suppose I can appreciate Koschie as an aesthetic. He says some pretty neat things, physically sounds sexy, and does some yandere like actions. So… I give him one yandere pity point for the attempt.... He might have shine better if the story was actually good.

Overall score: 1/10

[notagoodplace4gods]

ok but stozier where (this is overuse prob so sorry) rich starts really believing stan doesnt like him in their late teens bc of anxiety and stuff and starts to distance and heyoo flippin the script w/ stan coming in through the window like “wtf man??? ur literally my best friend ily” and then like back to stans and its just pure fluff bc heyo these boys mad in love and richies just like “holy shit ily wowowowoow” yike sorry ~✨

I’m so sorry for taking so long!! This is not exactly what you asked for, but I still hope you’ll like it! Here we go!

It’s on AO3

when stan starts avoiding richie after they went to prom together as bros, richie knows he’s fucked up

he doesn`t know how he fucked up, tho, because he was drunk as hell and he barely remembers what happened

when stan starts avoiding richie after they go to prom together as bros, richie knows he’s fucked up

he doesn’t know how he fucked up, tho, because he was drunk as hell and he barely remembers what happened

the losers can’t tell him what he did because “stan didn’t let you do anything embarrassing, he took you home the moment he realized you were drunk”

richie makes eddie pinky swear that he didn’t see him make a fool of himself at prom

Relieved by his answer, richie starts thinking that maybe stan’s just messing with him Maybe it’s just a joke and he decides to play along

“well let’s see how long he can pretend not to love me lol he won’t last a week”

stan lasts more than a week not talking to richie, barely acknowledging him in the group hangs

richie is low key worried and grows louder so he can draw stan’s attention by any means necessary, which means cruder jokes, over the top impressions, dirty flirting, but stan keeps ignoring him

richie goes from frustrated to angry really fast

and he complains about Stan to everyone, literally everyone but Stan The Man himself

“we don’t know anything richie, why don’t you talk to him?”

richie tries cornering stan after school one day, but stan keeps dodging his questions and answering with “I’m fine”s, which only pisses richie even more because he knows stan isn’t fine

“come on stanley I know you’re angry at me! what did i do?”

“why do you think the world revolves around you, richie? you didn’t do anything and we’re fine.”

“we’re not fine! God, stan, just tell me what I did so I can fix it! Was it because I drank too much and you had to take me home? Was it because I made you leave the prom earlier?”

“what? no richie, that was fine and… Wait, don’t you remember what happened later?” stan takes a deep breath and tries to mask the hurt on his voice. “You don’t.”

“I was drunk… I…”

“Sure, it’s okay, we’re okay, nothing happened, I just have to go.”

richie tries to stop him by grabbing his arm, but stan flinches away so fast richie’s freezes on the spot. Now he’s high key worried

now he knows he’s fucked up.

——————

richie kinda starts avoiding stan back after this, afraid he’ll make  things worse between them

he never asks the losers to intervene, but everytime he meets them, he asks if stan said anything about him

the losers have no idea what’s happening, and they hate it, so they make a plan to get both richie and stan drunk and talking

it’s very difficult getting them together, and moving past the awkwardness, but they do get them drunk, they all get drunk, one night at bill’s. and they’re playing truth or dare

when the bottle stops on stan, richie perks up at the possibility of stan picking truth so he can ask what did he do to make his best friend so mad at him

stan picks dare

for a moment richie’s devastated, but then ben whispers something in his ear and he takes his suggestion.

“I dare you to tell me why you’re mad at me.”

“that’s cheating.”

“It’s the game, you have to tell me.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

“you are! just fucking tell me what i did!

“what didn’t you do, richie?” stan rolls his eyes. “you’re always so…” The alcohol is taking the words from him, so he just gestures at richie’s entire body, to make him understand. “You! It drives me crazy!”

richie’s taken aback. He knows he’s loud and annoying, but he never thought he bothered stan so much “I’m… I’m sorry,”

when they stop talking, the entire room does too. The only sound is when mike gets up, pulling bill along with him and gesturing the others to follow him. “Maybe we should leave you two alone.”

“no!” both stan and richie argue at the same time.

richie takes a deep breath. “come on, stan the man, I just wanna put this behind us and go back to being friends.”

“Friends.” Stan scoffs, and there’s so much venom in his voice, richie unconsciously recoils. “we’re best fucking friends”

richie doesn’t know what to answer, oh even what to feel, so he choses anger. “Fine! Have it your way then” and marches out of the party.

when richie’s anger drains away, he’s just really sad and hurt

the losers go to him the next day, begging him to talk to stan, saying that stan was miserable after he left the party, so “he doesn’t hate you.”

but richie just shrugs them off. stan does hate him. it was clear as day

but what could he have done that would upset stan so much? What was so terrible that ruined their friendship?

he tries his best to remember what happened after stan took him from the prom. He thinks about numerous possibilities, but nothing seems plausible

richie knows very well that he’s a cuddly, needy drunk. But Stan knows him, he’s used to the flirty jokes, the innocent (but not really) touches, and hugs

He remembers he always used to  call stan “love” and “honey” after a few shots, he remembers sitting on stan’s lap and throwing his arms around stan’s neck in other occasions, he remembers stan just shaking his head, lifting him up and making him drink some water before bed. Stan always acted annoyed but he never minded any of that

Not until prom night

Maybe richie crossed a line. Maybe he didn’t stop at the playful flirting and dirty innuendos. Maybe he drank so much, he turned his brain off, and let his heart unfiltered. Maybe he confessed. Maybe he told stan he’d been in love with him for years. Maybe he kissed stan

Oh fuck. oh no no no no nonononono

no wonder stan hates him now. no wonder he’s angry and disgusted and never wants to see richie again

richie wants to crawl up inside a hole and just die

—————-

richie knows stan has stopped hanging out with the others, so he does too

he secretly hopes that his absence will compel stan to return to the group

if anyone gets to keep the losers, if anyone deserves to keep the losers, it’s stan

plus, if stan finds his presence so unbearable, and hates him now, it’s just a matter of time before everyone else does too. If he can’t stop it from happening, then he better prepare himself for it

so he goes from school to home, and from home to school as quickly as he can, he avoids the quarry and the arcade so he won’t meet any of them

He misses them all, though. So much

But mostly he misses Stan

His best friend

the first friend he ever made

the boy with the sarcastic smiles and amazing sense of humour

the boy who always stood by him no matter what

the boy who’d always leave an open window for him to climb into at night

the boy who’d complain about how his bed was too small for them, but would never push richie away, or make him sleep on the couch

the shy quiet beautiful perfect boy richie admired and respected so much

the boy who’d smile at him, and make the stupid bucky beaver and his stupid trash mouth feel worthy and loved and worthy of being loved.

the boy he loved so much

the boy who didn’t love him back, not anymore

not ever

richie wonders if maybe stan misses him too, but the thought is so fucking unreal, he has to laugh.

all the handholding, the laughs, hugs, kisses on the cheek, richie ruined them

richie ruined their friendship

so why would it matter to stan

why would richie matter

spoiler alert: he doesn’t

richie’s loud and annoying and ugly as hell

stan deserves someone better

literally anyone would be better

probably a girl because stan can’t be as sick as he is

——————

the losers keep trying to talk to him, but he always manages to dodge their questions

Everyone is worried because richie looks awful ™ so they decide to do a intervention for them

but richie doesn’t show up to school the next day

Or the next

they’re going crazy with worry, because richie won’t answer his door either

stan is very worried too.

he feels terrible for how he treated richie the past few weeks. He was just sad, angry and bitter, but richie didn’t deserve the way he treated him

he tries calling richie on the phone, but every call goes to voicemail

stan knows it’s his fault.  He was the one who started ignoring richie first, but he’s so worried

He’s on edge all the time, can’t sleep properly, can’t eat properly, god, he’s a mess

He almost trips over himself when his own phone rings. Please be richie, he prays

It’s not richie

——————

bev is the one who gets richie to leave the house. she takes him for a smoke by the barrens

she told him it would just be the two of them

she lied

three cigarettes in, Stan arrives, and Bev excuses herself, mentally asking richie if he’ll forgive her someday

Stan quietly sits down next to richie, who refuses to look at him

They stay like this for a good half an hour. Stan looking at richie, richie looking anywhere but at stan

stan is about to cry, but he swallows the tears. This isn’t about him! This is about his best friend, who’s looking small and broken, and he has to fix it. He has to fix them

“I’m sorry.” He opens his mouth, but the words aren’t his. They are richie’s.

Richie’s apologizing to him

“fuck, stan, I think I finally know what I did to make you hate me, and, god, I’m so sorry.”

stan is speechless, terrified at the thought that maybe richie does remember that night

“I was never going to tell you, I was going to ignore it until it went away, but it’s been years, and it still hadn’t gone away, and I… I’m a horrible person… not worthy of being your friend

stan is offended. “Richie…”

“no… let me finish. I know what I did is unforgivable, and heinous and sick. And I’m so very sorry, but I can’t fix this. So it’s okay if you hate me and never want to see me again.I understand”

“richie!” Stan grabs his shoulders and shakes him a little.”What is it you think you did at prom?”

“you don’t have to do this.” richie shakes his head. “I know I… I kissed you. Didn’t I?.”

Now Stan starts crying. “No. no you didn’t.”

richie’s eyes go so wide it would be comical in any other situation

“Fuck. then you’re just mad at me for a stupid joke, or whatever and I went and spilled my feelings for you, instead of just apologizing. Now you hate me for real, and…”

“I don’t hate you, I never did and I never will.” Stan cuts him off.

richie nods dumbly, not letting himself feel relief because the fact stan doesn’t hate him does not necessarily means that stan likes him back.

“Do you wanna know what you did that made me so mad?” Stan waits for richie’s nod before continuing. If richie said what stan thinks he said, telling him about this should be easy. “You fell asleep.” It’s not

silence

richie does his best not to break it because he knows stan’s not finished

“I took you home, and tried to get you to bed. You didn’t want to. You wanted to dance.” Stan smiles at the memory. “I asked what could i possibly do to convince you to go to sleep and you asked me to cuddle you.”

richie cringes. well that was embarrassing

but it’s not the end of the story

“so I did. we laid down at your bed, and we were so close, I…” Now it’s stan’s turn to take a deep breath. “I kissed you, Richie. I kissed you, you kissed me back, but then you fell asleep mid kiss and I…”

richie’s heart stops, and he finally looks directly into stan’s eyes

“I was so ashamed, I couldn’t face you after this.” now it’s stan who diverts his eyes. “And then you told me you didn’t remember and I was so hurt, so angry. I mean, I knew you were drunk, I took a chance, but I still… God, richie, you were my first kiss.”

“stan.” richie kneels, and moves next to his friend, his best friend, the boy who, for whatever reason, loves him back, and takes his face on his hands. “stan, I’m sorry I’m so stupid.”

“It’s okay, richie.” Stan tries. “You were drunk, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of that, then felt sorry for myself and acted like a jerk, but…” Stan’s hands are shaking. “I like you more than I thought I could ever like someone, and it scared me so much, I withdrew from everyone. I avoided you like crazy because I couldn’t let you know, I couldn’t let you reject me.”

“stan.” richie calls for him again, and their eyes meet. “stan, I’m stupid, but you’re also very stupid, oh my god, we’re so stupid.” he groans. “I like you. You like me back. We like each other.” He says it, slowly, as if trying to understand.

“We do.” Stan breathes, amazed.

They only stare at each other for a moment, holding hands like their lives depend on it.

“I’m sorry.” Stan says.

“I’m sorry too.” Richie says it back.

A pause. Then. “Do I get to redo that first kiss?”

Stan pushes him over, and richie laughs

“we never really danced at prom, did we? I bet you refused to dance with me after prom too.”

“I…” Stan narrows his eyes. “Do you really wanna dance, now?”

“Sure.” richie knows stan didn’t mean it as an invitation, but he takes it anyway. He bows. Stan rolls his eyes, but doesn’t stop richie from inching closer, and closer. “Let’s redo the entire night.”

They dance for a while, no music, no rhythm. They dance until richie steps on stan’s toes, and stan pushes him away so hard richie falls on the grass

They laugh, and laugh, and laugh

(god, they both missed this so much)

“Okay, so I’m never doing that again.” stan says, but he’s smiling. “We’re done, richie.”

“not yet.” richie says, getting back up, and he looks serious

he takes a step closer

stan takes another step to meet him in the middle and his hand goes into richie’s hair

richie’s hands are trembling, but he takes them to stan’s neck

they kiss

they look at each other

they kiss again and again and again

“Don’t you dare fall asleep on me again, asshole.” Stan says, lips brushing against richie’s

“Oh, don’t worry, Stan the Man, I’m up.” He motions down to his pants. “I’ll be up all night…”

“fucking my mom, i know.” stan answers, the same time richie finishes with “fucking you.” and they look at each other, for a second.

“Fuck you, richie.” Stan is trying to look mad, but he can’t stop laughing

“Well… if you want to, sure. I can be into it.” richie doesn’t miss his mark, but before he says anything else, stan’s kissing him again

richie kisses him back

and they kiss, and kiss, and kiss for a long time.

[ghostydoof-blog]

OOCly viewed chatlog you know the drill.

-- technicalGyrations [TG] began pestering eggBoy [EB] at 08:16 --

[08:16] TG: egg BOY

[08:17] EB: egg boy.

[08:18] TG: egg boi

[08:18] EB: that's me.

[08:18] TG: like soulja boy

[08:18] EB: one hundred percent farmland fresh egg boy.

[08:18] TG: but with eggs

[08:19] EB: hot off the truck and into market, soon to be on your breakfast plate at denny's when it's 2am and you're feeling down.

[08:20] EB: we should go to denny's sometime at 2am when we're feeling down.

[08:20] TG: we could go to dennys right now if youre feeling down

[08:21] EB: it's not 2am yet and i've been up since six making myself homemade mac and cheese.

[08:22] TG: okay instead of dennys come to my work and eat mac n cheesy with me and tell me whats going on

[08:24] EB: i can't, legs are broken.

[08:25] EB: my face hurts.

[08:25] TG: JOHN

[08:25] TG: JOHN!!!

[08:25] EB: suddenly my fingers are broken too, my skin is paper and my bones glass.

[08:25] TG: JOHN EGBERT YOURE KILING ME

[08:26] EB: it happens.

[08:26] EB: you are way too excitable for this time of morning, dave.

[08:27] TG: i have to be im at work and i gotta be excitable so i dont fall asleep

[08:27] TG: so i got music playin and im knitting and drinking some tea

[08:27] EB: i'll accept that.

[08:27] TG: you could be energized too if yall came here

[08:27] EB: i've got a pot of coffee on the table next to my bed and i have been playing threshers 2 all morning.

[08:28] EB: i need to get human games so i can stop playing this.

[08:28] EB: i.

[08:28] EB: ugh.

[08:28] TG: are you havin fun with it at least

[08:29] TG: whats wrong dude

[08:29] EB: i do.

[08:29] EB: i guess?

[08:29] EB: it just upsets me.

[08:29] TG: why?

[08:29] EB: actually a lot of things upset me lately apparently.

[08:29] EB: i'm worried about sollux.

[08:30] EB: apparently i had a family that i don't remember.

[08:30] EB: oh and we're from the same earth i accept that ok?

[08:30] EB: apparently your shades are from me.

[08:30] EB: somehow we forgot these things.

[08:30] TG: i need a second to process this

[08:30] TG: okay im starting the process

[08:30] EB: so i mean i haven't been able to talk about any of it and i'm losing my mind over it!

[08:30] TG: who told you this?

[08:31] EB: rose.

[08:31] TG: how do they know??

[08:31] EB: she's the only one that i've met that will just TELL me about myself.

[08:32] EB: she knew a john that she played that god awful game with.

[08:32] EB: her john knew a dave.

[08:32] TG: and her john gave her dave the same pair of shades i have

[08:32] TG: ?

[08:32] EB: they all played that game together.

[08:32] EB: yeah.

[08:33] TG: i have a feeling that we played that game together too

[08:33] EB: how?

[08:34] EB: everyone that has KNOWS they have.

[08:34] EB: how do you forget DYING?

[08:34] EB: or being a god or something?

[08:34] TG: when i talked to sky about some of this he basically said that what my dream was lines up with some stuff that happens in it and if youre from the same place as ME then we would have HAVE to played it together or someting like that

[08:34] TG: i think were remembering it though

[08:34] TG: since meeting each other

[08:35] EB: :/

[08:35] EB: i can barely sleep anymore, my dreams are so weird they wake me up now. i can't remember them but ugh.

[08:35] EB: they leave me in a cold sweat.

[08:36] TG: ive just been having a lot of migraines lately about all of this stuff

[08:36] EB: ugh.

[08:36] EB: yeah.

[08:36] TG: no dreams i can remember besides the one of someone giving me my shades

[08:36] TG: which is now you

[08:37] EB: when rose was telling me about the shades it hurt, and when she was trying to tell me about my family i?

[08:37] EB: i had a family, dave.

[08:37] EB: a dad.

[08:37] EB: you saw me give you your shades?

[08:37] TG: in a dream, yea, but it wasnt you in my dream just some shadowy ass lookin figure

[08:37] TG: a dad

[08:38] TG: is there any way you could find him?

[08:38] EB: he doesn't exist. the actual address on my id also does not exist.

[08:38] EB: the street does, but there isn't that number house on it.

[08:39] EB: i guess he did something shitty with baked goods and that's why i still don't like them though.

[08:39] EB: so maybe it's not that much of a loss.

[08:40] TG: i had the same thing happen to me address wise like they looked it up and theyre like shit my dude you dont exist

[08:40] TG: and that makes sense i guess

[08:40] TG: some shit like that probably stayed latent in your brain and surfaces without your control

[08:40] EB: yeah.

[08:40] EB: it still sucks!

[08:40] EB: i want him back, dave.

[08:41] EB: i'm grown now but i didn't want to be stuck in foster care for two years! i hated it.

[08:41] TG: i want you to find him so he can explain where the hell hes been all these years

[08:42] EB: he's dead.

[08:42] EB: if i remember correctly, it's been mentioned that he died.

[08:42] TG: WHAT

[08:42] TG: what the fuck

[08:42] EB: or disappeared into the game, if we really did play it.

[08:42] TG: thats even worse

[08:42] TG: but if he disappeared into the game like us wouldnt he be back if were back? this is so fucked up dude

[08:43] TG: do you think if you have a dad

[08:43] TG: that i have a dad

[08:43] TG: ?

[08:44] EB: probably! rose mentioned having a mom too i think.

[08:44] EB: or someone else had a mom. or something?

[08:44] EB: i can't tell if i know this stuff or if someone told me anymore.

[08:45] TG: i mean i guess the only thing we can do is ask rose more

[08:45] TG: if she doesnt mind?

[08:45] EB: she says she doesn't but i wouldn't want to push it.

[08:45] EB: she has a key to my apartment so if you want to meet her you could use my place.

[08:45] TG: we could talk to her together

[08:45] TG: just a meeting betwen all yall

[08:46] EB: i don't know dave she's really nervous about people still.

[08:46] EB: sort of a one on one kind of girl.

[08:46] TG: i could sit in the bathroom while we talk so she doesnt have to see me

[08:47] EB: oh my god dave no.

[08:47] EB: then we'd have to be in my bedroom!

[08:47] EB: what am i going to do, text her up and be like hey rose want to hang out in my BED?

[08:47] TG: dude weve hung out in your BED before

[08:48] EB: yeah but we're also more accustomed to that sort of thing.

[08:48] EB: she's been really alone for a long time, i don't think she's quite ready for THAT.

[08:48] TG: you have seen my shirtless bod before so were past that level of friendship

[08:49] TG: okay new plan: i can hide behind the couch while all yall are on the couch and i can talk from there

[08:50] EB: she might kill you if you do that.

[08:50] EB: but it's your ass not mine.

[08:50] EB: also your body is fine dave.

[08:50] TG: okay new plan: you can facetime me and we can talk from there

[08:50] TG: my body is,

[08:52] EB: how about this?

[08:52] EB: i talk to rose and ask if she'll meet you.

[08:52] TG: that also works

[08:53] EB: no deception and you guys can still use my place.

[08:53] EB: and dave.

[08:53] EB: your body is fine.

[08:53] TG: IT IS,

[08:53] EB: it IS, yes.

[08:53] TG: im yellin

[08:53] TG: youre too nice to me

[08:53] EB: i'm telling the fucking truth you goon.

[08:54] TG: youre STILL too nice to me you goon

[08:54] EB: if i wasn't armpit deep in my clinically diagnosed depression i would come kick your ass.

[08:56] TG: i mean i want to come over to kick your ass out of your armpit deep clinical depression but im at work and also armpit deep in my clinical depression

[08:56] EB: well look at us both stuck in this quicksand of sadness.

[09:03] TG: well pull each other out eventually

[09:03] TG: just gotta wallow for a bit til we feel better

[09:03] EB: i was doing ok until the shit hit the fan.

[09:03] EB: is it bad that it bothered me less when i didn't have friends?

[09:04] TG: i mean same but thats cause you have your own ways to deal with things and when friends get involved you feel like you gotta blab to them about everything and it messes up the coping

[09:04] TG: at least thats my theory

[09:05] EB: no.

[09:05] TG: ?

[09:06] EB: it's because i had nothing to worry about. i worked, a came home to my apartment. i ate and slept and watched movies and had nothing to think about but the next day.

[09:06] EB: now?

[09:06] EB: now i'm worried about my troll friends because they might just die for no reason.

[09:07] TG: and thats making you feel worse combined with your own stuff you got on your mind

[09:07] TG: i gotcha

[09:07] EB: i worry about my human friends because some of them are so sad that i just want to hug them and tell them it will be ok.

[09:07] EB: and yet no one wants me to care.

[09:07] EB: so i'm trying to not care.

[09:07] EB: it's hard.

[09:08] TG: hey if it means anything i want you to care about me

[09:08] TG: and i bet all your friends appreciate you caring even if it seems like they dont

[09:08] EB: congrats you're the only one that does!

[09:09] EB: between troll dave shitting on me for being empathetic and me royally fucking it with sollux i'm ?

[09:09] EB: trolls?

[09:09] EB: what are they?

[09:09] EB: why are they?

[09:09] TG: trolls are strange as hell and they have different views on emotions than humans do

[09:09] TG: makes em a bit complicated

[09:10] EB: i noticed.

[09:10] EB: apparently i messed up and started doing some weird quadrant stuff at sollux.

[09:10] EB: but it doesn't matter, he says it doesn't bother him.

[09:10] EB: (spoiler alert: it does.)

[09:10] EB: and i know it does.

[09:11] TG: i mean id be surprised if it DIDNT bother him

[09:11] EB: but if i don't say anything about it and act normal maybe it will be ok.

[09:11] TG: hes probably just making it seem like it doesnt bother him both for you and for himself

[09:11] EB: but i can't bring myself to talk to him because i don't want him to stop being my friend.

[09:12] TG: you should still at least talk to him if hes your friend dude

[09:12] TG: but i also think you should talk about the pale stuff too

[09:13] EB: i tried to.

[09:14] EB: but everyone else seems to want to get their nose so deep into my business there's no room left for me. i appreciate spanky but uh...he's way too nosy for someone i don't know.

[09:15] EB: i also don't get the subtle difference in what changes being his best friend to being his pale...whatever it's called.

[09:16] TG: theres only one way to find out and thats asking him about it

[09:16] TG: but id think it over before you do

[09:16] TG: i dont completely understand troll stuff either even though i live with two of them

[09:16] TG: and dude if you need me to back off just let me know ok

[09:17] EB: well, karkat told me he doesn't want any quadrants right now so i mean i don't want to poke that hornet's nest and bite the dust on it yet.

[09:17] EB: there's also the uh.

[09:17] EB: looming possibility that he's going to die.

[09:18] EB: so that's a thing i'm supposed to probably pretend that it doesn't bother me.

[09:18] TG: um what

[09:18] EB: he's messing with that game, dave!

[09:18] EB: and something is wrong with it! like really wrong!

[09:18] TG: nothing good ever comes from that goddamn hell game

[09:18] EB: it's not like i pour over every single post of his but i see enough to know that something bad is going to happen.

[09:19] TG: you definitely pour over all his posts

[09:19] TG: callout

[09:19] TG: and yea

[09:19] EB: i do not!

[09:19] TG: i have a bad feeling about this

[09:19] EB: he's not even denying it anymore, dave.

[09:21] TG: i think cause he realizes shit is going to hit the goddamn fan

[09:22] EB: i know.

[09:22] EB: i should just let other people do things for him.

[09:23] TG: john

[09:23] TG: why

[09:23] TG: ?

[09:24] EB: because.

[09:25] EB: i don't know anything useful to him. i don't know about the game.

[09:25] EB: i don't know anything about trolls.

[09:25] EB: or their romance.

[09:25] EB: or their society.

[09:25] EB: the more i learn the more worried i get.

[09:25] EB: the more i wish i could just pull him here.

[09:25] EB: give him a hug, tell him it's ok!

[09:25] TG: once he gets into the game he might be able to get here though

[09:26] TG: transportalizers are normally a game thing i think from what ive seen

[09:26] EB: i don't want him to ever go into that goddamn game dave!

[09:26] TG: rossea didnt play and she had to build her own

[09:26] EB: i want him to stop messing with it before it's too late.

[09:26] EB: he's going to die.

[09:26] EB: and i'm going to lose my best friend.

[09:26] EB: i'm...

[09:27] TG: john

[09:27] EB: i'm sorry.

[09:27] TG: i dont think hes going to stop messing with it

[09:27] EB: i know.

[09:27] EB: i know he's not.

[09:27] TG: so you can at least hope that he finds a transportalizer and get the hell out of there

[09:27] EB: i do hope.

[09:28] EB: but we didn't.

[09:28] EB: did we?

[09:28] EB: you died.

[09:28] TG: i

[09:28] EB: and so did our friends.

[09:28] TG: i dont know

[09:29] EB: we didn't survive that game.

[09:29] EB: not the same way other people have.

[09:29] EB: did we?

[09:29] TG: i dont think so

[09:29] TG: ?

[09:30] TG: but i dont know what happened at all

[09:30] EB: well my dream says everyone died.

-- eggBoy [EB] is now an idle chum! --

[09:42] TG: my dream says at least me died so i believe your dream

-- eggBoy [EB] is now an idle chum! --

[09:44] EB: it doesn't make it any better.

[09:45] EB: i have a lot of worries ok?

[09:45] EB: i'm sorry for suddenly dumping them on you but they just keep coming.

[09:47] TG: dude john

[09:47] TG: dont be sorry at all

[09:47] TG: were friends right?

[09:47] TG: thats what friends are for

[09:47] EB: yeah!

[09:47] EB: still.

[09:48] EB: i kind of exploded there.

[09:48] EB: hey dave.

[09:48] TG: what

[09:48] TG: ?

[09:48] EB: denny's date tonight?

[09:48] TG: of course : *

[09:49] EB: good.

[09:49] EB: because i feel like sobbing into a grand slamwich.

[10:09] TG: you can sob into as many grand slamwiches as you want bud

[10:09] EB: i can only maybe handle one.

[10:10] EB: they're kind of gross.

[10:10] TG: perfect to cry into then

[10:10] EB: exactly.

[10:10] EB: you've witnessed me crying, i'm gross.

[10:11] TG: DUDE youve witnessed ME crying

[10:12] EB: then we're even.

[10:30] TG: : *

[10:30] EB: right back at you buddy.