#spock: best i can do is 'unblinking stare'

[spirk-trek]

when your captain just defeated an alien entity with the power of friendship and everyone around you is laughing but you're vulcan :/

[bonesmctightass]

Break

Having a little internal voice helping with decision making and generating interesting ideas is kind of amazing most of the time. Until suddenly it isn't. Like when it gets petulant, naggy, and just generally unpleasant. It's time like those when McCoy wished his cranial command center was a lot less vocal.

"Will you shut up for five minutes?" He snapped irritably. "I keep typing what you're saying! I'll never finish this article if you don't let me think!"

I would not need to be so incessant if you would listen to me the first time, Leonard.

McCoy grumbled and rubbed the bridge of his nose. This stupid argument had been going on for the better part of an hour and it was really starting to grate on his nerves. "I already told you I don't get paid until Wednesday. It's your own fault the cable was shut off anyway! How many times have I told you we have to pay for those on demand Bake Off episodes?"

Jim has a television. Jim likes us. He would let us use the cable.

"We're not going over there to mooch off Jim's cable! That's rude." McCoy closed the lid to his laptop, resigning himself to the fact that he was not going to be able to finish his work until his needy parasitic freeloader got to watch his show.

I am a living organism, Leonard. I am in need of mental stimulation just as you are. We have been sitting in this chair for six hours.

Shit. He did it again. Had it really been that long? McCoy looked at his phone and was startled by the realization that it was approaching five o'clock in the afternoon. A pang of guilt stabbed at his heart. Spock had been mostly quiet while McCoy did his writing. Maybe that's why he'd lost track of time so easily.

No, that was a lie. This was how it always happened. No sense in trying to make himself feel better about it. He'd sit at his desk and work the day away, ignoring Spock's needs in the process as well as his own. The only difference was today the Vulcan was without his usual means of entertainment.

Please, Leonard. I require a respite from the work time.

God, he sounded so desperate. McCoy was a monster. "Alright." He conceded, the weight of his unsavory mood slumping his shoulders. "Okay. You're right." McCoy patted his knee and Spock formed a portion of his mass from his left thigh. "I've been meaning to pay Jim a visit anyhow."

That was another lie. He would've kept on going if Spock hadn't so thoroughly distracted him. That made the sick feeling in McCoy's stomach kick up another notch.

Spock nudged his forehead against McCoy's hand appreciatively. And we will have the evening meal?

It was too early for dinner but that didn't matter. McCoy couldn't deny his well behaved Vulcan a chance to flex his cooking skills any more than he could deny Spock anything else right then.

"I guess we'll have to see what Jim's got in his fridge," he agreed. "Lord knows we don't have anything in ours."

This had to stop. Their developing relationship had always taken the back burner when McCoy's work was concerned, which was exactly how he'd gotten divorced in the first place. How his life went to shit. It was happening all over again. Just the thought of Spock leaving crippled him like nothing else could. It chilled him right down to his bones.

I would not leave you, Leonard.

Jocelyn said that too.

"Not really the best host. Wouldn't blame you if you did." He said it nonchalantly. Even playing at calm made his lungs constrict. He should really stop trying to pull one over on the Vulcan. It wasn't like lying had ever worked for him in the past. Spock knew the naked truth, all of his rawest emotions and selfish thoughts. If McCoy were the alien and Spock the human hotel, he would've left. And that was terrifying.

The pulling sensation came to a head as Spock lifted his mass fully out of McCoy's body. He settled himself in McCoy's lap and fixed him with a level stare. McCoy swallowed thickly and stared up into those unblinking eyes.

You think too much.

Yeah.

Allow me to quiet your mind.

Please. McCoy could beat himself up all night. Has before. He'd do it again if Spock didn't do something. Spock would take care of him. Spock always took care of him.

Put your arms around me.

McCoy did without hesitation. Lifted right up and draped his arms loosely around Spock's shoulders. He'd do just about anything Spock told him to do right now.

There is time to eat and be social later.

McCoy nodded absently, mouth dry. He knew perfectly well what that meant. Spock was hulking like this, filling his vision and his lap and his arms. The second that train of thought rolled around in his skull Spock pushed his clawed hands up under McCoy's shirt and gripped his waist possessively.

I am going to fill you everywhere else.

It doesn't matter that he expected the kiss. It's the tongue that McCoy can never adequately prepare for. Unreasonably massive and dextrous, just like the rest of Spock. And when it's in his mouth it's damn near impossible to focus anything else. That's exactly what Spock wanted. Everything else melted away.

That wicked tongue filled the cavern of his mouth and licked down his throat and all McCoy could do was grunt helplessly and take it. Fuck, it felt good. Exactly what he needed to turn his traitorous brain off and just the stimulating break that Spock was looking for.

McCoy, already high on endorphins, slumped back in his desk chair and settled in for the ride.

[bonesmctightass]

Tension

Going around stopping tainted medical shipments from deploying and destroying the evidence really wasn’t something Leonard had any business doing. If it weren’t for some misplaced sense of righteousness and a bullheaded desire for the common good, he’d never set foot in any of these places. And if he didn’t have Spock to make him bigger and faster and stronger and safe , he sure as hell wouldn’t have been in the shipyard that night. Even with Khan gone, his operations were still running like clockwork.

I do not like this, Leonard.

“I know, Spock, but we have to get to the crates. This stuff could kill people.” They stood on a nearby rooftop overlooking the bay. Nothing had even happened yet and he could feel his partner’s tension. It was in the stiffness of his spine and a heaviness in the back of his skull. Almost subtle, but definitely there.

You cannot see what I see.

“Okay,” Leonard huffed, “then tell me what you see.”

Three men. All are armed.

It was unsettling. Of course it was. But Leonard was here now and he wouldn’t go back. He’d already turned his back on everything else. He couldn’t let this go, too. “So then we won’t get caught.”

They didn’t. Of course they didn’t. Spock enveloped him like liquid latex, careful not to make a sound. They did what they had gone there to do. When all was said and done none of the guards had been alerted. No worse for wear, none the wiser. Still, even though he was fine Leonard felt like his whole body was holding its breath. It was difficult to parse the feelings that were his and the ones that were Spock’s, but he likes to think he’s gotten pretty okay at finding the differences.  

We are playing a very dangerous game, Leonard. Spock hissed into his mind, ever vigilant of his host’s thoughts. It is unwise to take these matters into our own hands.

“Would you have let me get caught?” Leonard asked. The answering no came without hesitation. Everything in his body seemed to squeeze just a little. “Would you let them shoot me?”

I would sooner die than let harm come to you.

“Then what are you worried about? You kept me safe, just like y’always do.”

The walk back to the apartment building was relatively quiet. Some people were still milling about the streets, even at this ungodly hour of the night. No one so much as gave Leonard a second glance. It was cold but Leonard was so strung out on adrenaline he hardly even noticed.

Once they were inside Spock really started to squirm. Leonard sighed and moved over to sit on the couch. “Come out here, will you? I need to talk to you. Really talk to you.” The odd pulling sensation that always came when Spock took shape was still jarring. It felt sort of like being turned inside out. It didn’t scare him, not anymore. He waited patiently with crossed arms while the roiling mass took a humanoid form.

Spock was… handsome . The stature he chose was broad shouldered and nicely muscled, easy to make out even with the inky black skin. He had pointed ears and oddly expressive unblinking opal eyes with white brows upswept at the edges. Seeing him never failed to make Leonard’s heart hammer in his chest. Was it weird to think his alien tenant was easy on the eyes? He tried not to think too hard about it. Spock stood with his hands clasped behind his back, looking expectant.    

“Listen. I screwed up big time, okay? I can’t… I can’t help people the way I used to.” Leonard put his head in his hands and rubbed his face. “Doing this, this thing that we do,” he gestured vaguely between the two of them, “with the chasing the bad guys and saving the day isn’t just for fun. I feel like this is the only thing I can do to be helpful anymore. It gives me a sense of purpose. I know it’s weird and messed up but this is the only way I don’t feel completely useless.”

The way Spock was looking down at him, with his furrowed brows and slight frown, should not have been as endearing as it was. You are not useless, Leonard.

“I knew you’d say that.," he groaned and leaned back into the couch. "I know it doesn’t make any sense. Just consider it another one of my human failings, okay? Let's forget about it and get us fed.” Now that he’d brought it up Leonard had felt pretty damn stupid and sincerely wished he’d just kept his mouth shut. He tried to get up to make for the kitchen but Spock wouldn't let him budge.

Let me recount all of the ways in which you have been useful to a great many people. Your work on the medical journals and the news articles have saved countless lives. Without you, no one would have known about Khan’s misdeeds.

“Come on, Spock. That’s such a cop out. Anybody could’ve--”

I am not finished. Need I also remind you that it was you who uncovered Khan’s plot in the first place? The same hands that had just ripped open metal shipping containers like they were nothing but tissue paper grabbed onto Leonard’s hands and pressed them into the back of the couch. And what of me, Leonard? I would have died without you. I asked to have you and you said yes . You give me a home, provide me with nutrients, allow me to thrive on this planet. Could just any human do that?

Spock squeezed , holding his hands firmly yet so goddamn gentle that it was devastating. He was staring at Leonard with such naked adoration that it was almost too much. To know that someone looked at him and saw what he was beyond his mistakes was enough to wet his eyes. “I--I, uh. N-no.”

No. Certainly not. Apparently satisfied with his claim, Spock crawled into Leonard’s lap and sank back into his chest. You need not make such careless attempts to prove yourself, Leonard. I am well aware of your worth.  

With a quiet exhale, Leonard decided it was in his best interest to take that for what it was. He rose from the couch and headed to the kitchen feeling just a little bit lighter than before.