#spnvalentinesgiftexchange

[sheepstiel]

rearrange

happy @spnvalentines to @castieldean 💙

(click for better quality)

[torisprlng]

happy valentine's day @buckystiel 🎁 | unorthodox love languages

spn valentine's day gift exhange & spncreatorsdaily valentine's celebration day 1: love languages

{insp}

[deanncastiel]

SPNVALENTINES

happy valentine's day @metallicanatural!!! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍

(inspo)

[xofemeraldstars]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚  happy valentine’s day, alaina ( @deanseyes ) ❣️ organized by @spnvalentines

[becauseofthebowties]

Give me a boost over heaven's gate, I'm gonna need a boost 'Cause everything else is a substitute for your love

— Heaven's Gate (Fall Out Boy)

- for @one-more-offbeat-anthem 💝 • part of the @spnvalentines gift exchange 💘

[greatcometcas]

-𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐅𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐚𝐠 (𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝟐, 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝟔)

happy valentine’s day @endvverse

[babygirlwolverine]

will you marry me?

happy valentine’s day! this fic is my gift for the @spnvalentines gift exchange for my absolutely beautiful co-host @acklesology! ilysm jess, thank you for making this event so special!

also posted on ao3. word count: 3,664 (continued under the read more)

It had started out as something innocuous; a slip of the tongue that had Dean’s heart leaping in his chest. They’d just watched a rom-com movie together, Cas’ legs brushing against Dean’s thighs and Dean’s head resting on Cas’ shoulder.

This was still new for them. The whole ‘being together’ thing. Dean had only tentatively asked Cas for a movie night together a few weeks ago. Cas had said yes, easy and smooth as always. But it was more than that, and Dean wasn’t quite sure how to put it into words; how to express that he didn’t just want to watch a movie with Cas sitting on the other end of the couch. He wanted Cas pressed against his side, sharing popcorn and salty kisses as the movie played without either of them really paying attention because they were a little too distracted with each other.

‘Just do it, Winchester. Do it!’

“No. That’s not what I mean,” Dean had said, flickering his eyes down to Cas’ lips for far too long for it to mean anything else. “Movie night. You know? Like a-”

“Date?” Cas asked, sucking in a breath of surprise as his own gaze darted down to Dean’s lips.

“Yeah,” Dean breathed out, hope twisting with buckling fear in his chest.

Cas' eyes squeezed shut for a second, and Dean felt the panic constrict around his lungs. Wrong move. Wrong move. Abort. Right now. Taking a step back, Dean prepared himself to bolt. But Cas was quicker. Softer. Loosening the tightness of Dean’s lungs with something liquid hot and smooth.

“Yes, please.”

Dean just about melted into the floor at the softness of Cas’ tone. “Yeah?” he asked, voice thick with unspoken desires.

“Yeah,” Cas whispered back.

Movie date night was now every other night as they explored this new territory. And it was good. Really good. The simplest allowances made Dean breathless and dizzy. Brushing his hand against Cas’. Cas tucking himself against Dean’ side. Little stolen kisses between scenes.

Each time more adventurous. More kisses, more touches, a comfortable bond that was now widening to adjust from what they were before to what they becoming now; together.

But tonight, it was a cliché rom-com movie; sappy and romantic. And maybe Cas’ fingers had been dancing along the inside of Dean’s wrist for the whole latter half of the movie, making Dean feel lightheaded with affection. He’d just meant to ask Cas a simple question. Just wanted to ask Cas for the remote that was on the other side of the couch, because Cas’ fingers were still being rather distracting against Dean’s skin.

But Dean only managed to get out the first couple words before Cas completely changed everything.

“Will you-”

“Marry you? Yes, of course,” Cas replied.

Dean stuttered to a stop, heart catapulting against his ribs. Oh God. Cas wanted to marry him? Oh. Oh.

“That… wasn’t what I was going to ask,” Dean said, breath seizing in his lungs.

But Cas was smiling at him, teasing and carefree, and Dean’s slow brain kicked back into gear as Cas’ eyes darted to the credits rolling across the screen.

Oh.

The movie. Cas was quoting the movie.

Letting out a startled chuckle, Dean nudged his shoulder against Cas’. “Ha ha, very funny,” Dean said, even though his heart was still racing; beating so loudly Dean swore Cas would be able to feel the rapid pulse in his wrist.

But now the thought was in his head. Words straight off of Cas’ lips. A bubble of an idea that was sparking in his veins. Would he marry Cas? Would he get down on one knee on the beach at sunset and propose to Cas as the waves crashed on the shore and the sky was painted in romantic pink and orange hues?

Yeah. God yeah.

He’d spend forever with Cas. Cas was it for him. There wasn’t anyone else. It was Cas. It was always Cas. He’d known that for a while now. Long before they’d started this new thing between them.

Cas was still smiling at him, bright and earnest, and Dean wanted to kiss that smile. So he did. “Idiot,” Dean mumbled affectionately, feeling Cas’ grin melt into his own.

But Dean had no idea. No idea that this was going to be the start of something that made him blissfully happy and yet yearning more than ever.

~

“Cas?” Dean yelled, dodging the vampire as it barreled towards him. Without a blade to decapitate the vamp, Dean was just playing a dangerous game of cat and mouse until Cas came back with the knife. “Cas?” A little more desperate that time when there was no answer.

The vampire grinned, cornering Dean with a snarl. “No Angel to protect you this time,” it taunted. Darting forward, the vampire made a sharp move, teeth bared and ready to strike.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Cas said, appearing in the blink of an eye and swinging the blade with perfect accuracy. The vampire's head was removed from its body in one single motion, and Dean let out a breath of relief as his eyes lingered on Cas.

“Well hey there Angel. Good timing,” Dean said, reaching out to snag Cas’ wrist to pull him closer now that all the vampires were dead. “Was worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” Cas said, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead and smearing a trail of blood across his brows.

“Hey. What happened? Are you alright?” Dean said, reaching up to run his fingertips over Cas’ temple to check for wounds. There was a minor cut, already starting to heal over as Cas’ Grace sparked to the surface.

“I’m okay, Dean, really,” Cas said, tone soothing as he grabbed Dean’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “It’s just a scratch.”

Letting his eyes flicker up and down Cas’ body just to be sure, Dean nodded. “Alright. I’ll handle the bodies if you can get the car?”

“I can do that,” Cas said, accepting the Impala keys when Dean pressed them into his hand, their touch lingering for a couple seconds too long; sending a shiver down Dean’s spine.

Dean gave Cas one last reassuring nod, maybe trying to remind himself more than Cas that everything was okay and they were both safe. “Will you-” he started to say.

“Marry me?” Cas asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.

Stumbling, Dean almost tripped over a tree trunk; sucking in a sharp breath as the world felt like it was spinning underneath his feet. He could hear the teasing in Cas’ tone, knew it was a joke, but oh how his heart yearned for it.

He ached to turn around and just say ‘yes.’ To see Cas’ reaction if he completely shifted the tone from playful to earnest and serious. How would Cas react? Would Cas actually want to marry him? Or was this all just another example of Cas’ unique sense of humor?

But oh God. The urge to say yes was so strong Dean had to bite down on his tongue until it stung. How could those two simple words be both his healing and his undoing?

Composing himself, he turned back to Cas and laughed with a fond eye roll. “I was going to ask if you were going to be alright or if you wanted to stay together instead?”

“Stay together,” Cas said, so fast Dean had to blink several times to process the words. “Stay together,” Cas repeated, softer this time as his hand reached out to brush against Dean’s elbow.

“Yeah, alright, my husband-to-be,” Dean said, nudging Cas and flashing him a wink before motioning towards the mess they needed to clean up. “Let’s get to work and then we can go home.”

“Husband-to-be?” Cas briefly paused, turning the words over carefully with an endearing look in his eyes. “So was that a yes, then?” he said, bending down to start cleaning the area.

How was that even a question? How could there ever be any other answer other than yes?

“Yeah, Cas, it was,” Dean murmured, a warm burst of bliss wrapping around his heart as Cas utterly beamed at him.

“Good. I like the sound of that,” Cas said, tone still playful even though there was now a wistful look in his eyes. “Husband-to-be,” he whispered fondly to himself as he got to work.

Dean felt his heart stutter to a stop for a second before kicking back into gear at double speed. Cas was right. That really did sound good.

~

“That’s not how you do it,” Dean said, cheeks aching from how much he was smiling as Cas attempted to whisk the mixture in the bowl.

Cas frowned, sticking out his tongue at Dean. “It’s a whisk. How else are you supposed to do it?”

Laughing, he plucked the bowl from Cas’ hand and tilted it at the perfect angle. “You’ve gotta keep it at an angle, and then you get better leverage. Quick little motions help to whisk it together more smoothly,” Dean said, demonstrating what he meant so that Cas could see.

There was still a hint of fond expasteration on Cas’ face, but also a hint of affection, too. “How did you learn how to do all this?” Cas asked, tone softening as he gestured to all the pots and pans scattered around the kitchen on their conquest to simultaneously bake a pie and cook lasagna.

Letting out a huff, Dean placed the bowl back onto the counter as he grabbed the container of sugar. “Some of it was trying to learn how to take care of Sammy back in the day. And then, when we found this place,” Dean said, gesturing to the Bunker as a whole, “It was like a new lease on life, you know? An actual kitchen. Somewhere to feel…” Dean trailed off, not knowing how to finish that sentence.

“To feel like home?” Cas offered, quiet and gentle.

And, yeah, wasn’t that what it was all about? Finding a home. Finding a family. Something he never thought he’d get the chance to have. Then when he got it, he realized he could have things like cooking and baking. He could spend his nights scrolling through recipes and cooking things at three in the morning just because he wanted to. And then he discovered he actually kinda liked it. It was peaceful, relaxing, and he enjoyed it. So yeah, maybe he was a little domesticated now. There was nothing wrong with that.

“Yeah, to feel like home,” Dean said, letting his fingers graze against Cas’ as he handed him the measuring cup. “Half a cup of sugar, Sugar,” he said with a wink, watching as the blush climbed up Cas’ cheekbones.

God, Cas was pretty when he blushed. Months of dating and he was still bashful over the littlest things. It was frankly adorable, and every time Cas got a little flustered, Dean fell a little more in love with him.

“What flavor are we making this pie?” Cas asked, once he’d added the sugar to the bowl.

“We’ve got strawberries, coconut cream, and pecans. Pick whichever one you want,” Dean said, motioning to the ingredients he’d set out earlier to give them some options. Not that he was picky. He’d eat all three without any hesitation.

“Pecans,” Cas said, picking up the nuts and bringing them closer to their prep station.

“Good choice,” Dean said, pressing a quick kiss to Cas’ cheek before getting back to work creating the crust. There was something missing though, wasn’t there? Ingredients, check. Over preheated, check. Pan… oh. Yeah, that would be important.

“Hey, Cas? Will you…”

“Marry you?” Cas asked with a bright smile. “With cooking skills like this, God yes.”

Sucking in a sharp breath, Dean fumbled with the bag of flour in his hands, dropping it and sending a puff of white scattering across the counter. Oh God. Cas was doing that thing again, wasn’t he? Teasing the idea of getting married and sending Dean’s heart hammering against his ribs.

Cas looked up at the sudden commotion, and his smile doubled as he started to laugh. “What did you do?” he asked, biting his lip as he reached out to brush a streak of flour from Dean’s cheek. “Here, I’ve got you.”

Swallowing thickly, Dean watched his knuckles turn as white as the flour as he gripped the counter to hold himself upright. Cas’ thumb gently wiped away the flour from his cheek before ruffling his hair, sending another cloud of white into the air.

“There. Is that better?” Cas asked, before he began to sweep up the mess that was still on the counter.

“Yes,” Dean stuttered out a moment later when he found his voice again. Yes to Cas’ question. Yes to getting married. Just yes. Yes yes yes.

~

This had been going on for far too long now. And it was getting more frequent, too. At least once or twice a week, anytime Dean said the words ‘will you’, Cas replied with either ‘marry you’ or ‘marry me.’

And, yeah, maybe Dean could put a stop to this if he just stopped asking questions that started with ‘will you’, but, truthfully, he didn’t want to. He liked the way Cas smiled when he finished the question for him; liked the way they had started to share this secretive look like they were planning something special without ever having to say the words. Even though that wasn’t actually what Dean was trying to ask. Not yet, at least.

The impromptu proposals were happening all the time, though.

When they were in the grocery store, and Dean wanted to ask Cas if he could get them some honey. At the diner when Dean asked if Cas wanted to share a milkshake. In bed at night when Dean started to ask if Cas would get up to switch off the lights. “Cas, will you-”

“Marry you?”

“Hey, sweetheart, will you-”

“Please marry me.”

“There should be some weapons in the trunk. Will you…”

“Marry you? I mean, not the most romantic place to ask, but yes, Dean, I will.”

“Cas? Sam and Jack might need some help. Will you…”

“Just marry me already? I thought you’d never ask.”

It was always teasing; always playful and quirky. Never down on one knee. Never a serious question.

But now, Dean was ready. God. He was ready to finally ask. To make it real. To get down on one knee, offer Cas a ring, and speak those words for the very last time. Will you marry me? And goddammit, Cas had better say yes.

~

“Hey,” Dean said, poking his head into the library and catching Cas’ attention. “Remember Sam and Eileen took that case earlier this week in South Carolina by the beach?”

Nodding, Cas closed the book he’d been reading. “I remember. Is something wrong?”

“Oh, they’re fine. They just need a little backup. I said we’d head out there and help them out. If that’s okay with you?”

Standing up, Cas grabbed his trenchcoat from the back of the chair. “Ready to go when you are.”

Dean laughed, pulling Cas close and pecking him on the lips. “Alright, let’s go.”

Step one. Complete.

There wasn’t a case. Although Sam and Eileen were already on the beach on their own couple's retreat. They already knew Dean was planning to propose, and they’d all secretly set up a special dinner afterwards to celebrate Dean and Cas’ engagement.

All Dean needed to do was get Cas there.

“Maybe we can enjoy a couple days at the beach after we finish the hunt,” Dean said as they drove, hand settling on Cas’ thigh. “What do you think? Sand between our toes. Sun on our faces.”

Cas beamed, lacing their fingers together. “Sounds perfect.”

Admittedly, getting Cas to the beach as soon as they got there was a little trickier than Dean expected.

“Shouldn’t we be meeting Sam and Eileen at the motel they’re staying at?” Cas asked as Dean followed the signs for the beach instead of stopping at the hundreds of motels they’d passed.

“We should be, but Sam texted and said they found something that might be a sign of a shapeshifter in one of the offshore caves. Asked if we could meet them there,” Dean said, directing the Impala into one of the tourist parking lots.

Cas hummed in acknowledgment, looking a little skeptical at first, but he followed Dean as they got out of the car and walked down the beach. Dean had scoped out the area online before they’d left the Bunker. And while it was a beautiful beach, it wasn’t very popular, which gave them enough privacy for Dean to get down on one knee without a million people gawking at them.

The sun was just starting to set, sending beautiful purple and yellow colors across the sky; reflecting against the dark blue of the ocean.

Cas had his eyes cast out across the waves, a smile on his face that rivaled the brightness of the sun. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Cas said, tipping his head back as the last warm rays from the sun glimmered across his features.

“Yeah, it is,” Dean said, eyes locked on the serenity of Cas’ expression.

“Should we go find Sam and Eileen now?” Cas asked, turning away from the ocean to look at Dean, only he stopped short with a startled gasp when he noticed Dean was dropping down onto one knee right there in the sand.

“Don’t need to go find them. There isn’t any case, Cas. That’s not why I brought you here. But this, this is the reason,” Dean said, reaching into his pocket and fumbling out the red velvet box he’d tucked into his jacket days ago.

“Been waiting to do this for months now. Maybe even years. And every single time since we watched that rom-com movie and you started finishing the sentence for me. God, Cas. I’ve wanted to say yes every single time. Or to get down on one knee and ask you properly.

“You’re it for me, Cas. It’s always been you. I love you. Not just a little bit. A lot. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to call you my husband every day for the rest of time. No more teasing the idea. You’re making me go crazy, man. I can’t take another moment of my heart skippin’ a beat in my chest every time you say you’re gonna marry me.

“So just do it already. Marry me. Be my husband, Cas. Please make me the happiest man on Earth. Will you-” Dean said, trailing off with a smile on his face as he waited for Cas to fill in the last two words.

One beat merged into another and then another. Cas didn’t finish the sentence; the last two words left hanging heavily in the air unspoken.

Oh God.

‘He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want to marry me,’ Dean panicked, tears stinging his eyes as the realization set in. What had he just gone and done? He’d just ruined their entire relationship because he thought Cas’ teasing meant something that it didn’t. Cas didn’t want to get married; didn’t want to be Dean’s husband. Maybe he didn’t want Dean at all? Was any of this real? Did Cas love him as much as he loved Cas? Or was it all just Dean’s longing projecting on the angel because he wanted him so badly it ached in every part of his soul?

Snapping the box shut, Dean quickly attempted to get to his feet; mind rushing to come up with something, anything, to say so he could brush this off and pretend it hadn’t happened.

But then Cas was lurching himself at Dean, sending them both into the sand as Cas’ hands scrambled to grasp hold of Dean’s shirt as he dragged him closer.

“Yes! Dean, yes!” Cas gasped, dragging Dean into a crashing desperate kiss; both of their knees planted into the sand as Cas pulled Dean closer closer closer.

Dean let out a sound of surprise, half fumbling the box as he wrapped his arms around Cas in shock. Did�� did Cas just say yes?

Pulling back, Dean broke off the kiss with a breathless laugh. “Was that a yes?”

“Oh God yes,” Cas cried, chasing Dean’s mouth into another breathtaking kiss. “Yes. Yes. Yes.” Cas emphasized each word with a kiss that left Dean feeling dizzy.

Sucking in a lungful of salty ocean air, Dean felt like he was floating out to sea. “You didn’t finish the sentence. I was waiting for you to say ‘marry me’, and when you didn’t, I thought you didn’t want me,” Dean said, yanking the box back open so he could pull the gold band out.

“I tried. I couldn’t remember the words. I didn’t think you’d want me like that… as your husband. You just… surprised me,” Cas said, swallowing thickly as he reached up with shaky hands to cup Dean’s jaw. “Marry me?” he said, finally finishing what Dean had started to say.

Grasping the ring with shaky hands, Dean snagged Cas’ left hand and slipped the ring onto his finger. “There it is. That’s what I was waiting for,” Dean said, bringing Cas’ left hand up to his mouth so he could press his lips against the cool metal band.

“We’re gonna be husbands,” Cas breathed out in awe, tears glazing his eyes as he leaned in to kiss Dean again. “I love you,” he said against Dean’s lips, kissing him soft and slow.

“I love you more, my fiancé,” Dean said, laughing blissfully into the kiss as Cas pressed the engagement ring against the back of Dean’s neck; pulling Dean even closer.

Finally. This time it was real. They were getting married, and Dean couldn’t wait to call Cas his husband.

[jacobglaser]

→ @spnvalentines exchange for @greatcometcas ♥ Jake Bugg - Simple as This

[clairewolf]

this will be my last confession: i love you never felt like any blessing.

heavy in your arms - florence and the machine | youtube | @spnvalentines gift for @comet-iviarini <3

[billiewena]

the pain down in your soul was the same as the one down in mine

hedwig and the angry inch’s “origin of love” + destiel for @becauseofthebowties for @spnvalentines insp by your broadwaynatural series (youtube)

[lengthofropes]

💗spnvalentinesgiftexchange💗 THE WAY Sam hallucinated Rowena in 10.19 for @autisticandroids

[comfycowboy]

Reunion hug for @justcastiel for @spnvalentines

happy valentines day/wedding anniversary bestie<3

[plutoniclesbian]

my @spnvalentines gift for @theyaremarriedandinlove

s4 Destiel + the Smiths’ “Hand in Glove”

[spnvalentines]

@acklesology and @starrynightdeancas SPN Valentine’s Day Gift Exchange!

Hi yall! To celebrate the Valentine’s holiday (and because Jess and I both reached follower milestones recently) we’d love to invite you all to join us in celebrating Valentine’s Day with a gift exchange!

This gift exchange is open to the supernatural fandom as a whole (just no w*ncest please). From general supernatural content to destiel or saileen or any other ships in the fandom! Just no NSFW content please. That way we can keep this open to all ages.

Theme: Love! (in all it’s forms!) Romantic or familial. Found family or partners. Lost love or present love. Or even the love of activities or objects (like love of gardening or love of cooking, etc.)

Bonus: Since Valentine’s Day falls on the one year wedding anniversary for Dean and Cas, anyone is welcome to incorporate the destiel wedding/anniversary into their creations if you want to!

To sign up, please complete this google form if you’d like to participate!

Sign ups open: December 23rd

Sign ups close: January 7th

Matches announced: by January 14th (at the very latest)

Check-in: January 30th

Posting: February 14th

Minimums- Fic length: 500 words. Gifset: 2 gifs. Playlist length: 10 minutes. Fanvid length: 30 seconds. Poetry length: 5 lines. Edit/art: at least 1 image or sketch.

No maximum lengths!

Disclaimer: We’ll try our best to match everyone to what they want to receive, but it may not be possible. Please bear with us and we’ll do our best to pair you with someone who matches your preferences.

Once matches have been announced, feel free to reach out to the person you’ve been matched with to get a feel for what they like or for inspiration, but please make sure to do it anonymously to keep the secret a surprise!

You’ll have a month to complete your gift for your mystery partner. We’ll do a check-in at the midway point just to make sure you’ve started on your gift. The posting date is set for February 14th! On this date, you can post your gift to your partner here on tumblr, ao3, YouTube, and/or Spotify. Just make sure to tag whoever you are creating the gift for so they can see it!

When you post, feel free to tag our event page @spnvalentines and use our event tag #spnvalentinesgiftexchange!

[magickastiel]

Heavenly Connection

summary: Dean discovers Spotify and, more specifically, the playlists about him. And Cas.

complete, 4.5k, ao3

for @apathetichristmascracker for the @spnvalentines gift exchange!

-

Dean’s midway through cooking a greasy breakfast when Sam comes back from his run, sweating, grinning and talking very loudly on the phone.

“ - dude, it totally suits you! It’s amazing. I don’t know how they managed it. It’s…almost biblical.”

There’s a rumbling crackle on the other end of the phone but Dean can’t quite work out who it is.

Who the hell would Sam be calling dude at nine in the morning on a sunny Thursday? He supposes it could be another hunter. Sam is better at keeping in touch with people they’ve met on the road.

Wait, does Sam have a friend he doesn’t know about? Huh. Look at the kid go.

Dean’s sitting down with his bacon, eggs and toast and just taking a swig of coffee by the time Sam hangs up the phone and plops down in the seat opposite him.

Dean waits, fork paused, to hear Sam’s explanation.

He just glugs his green smoothie and sweats some more. “Man, it’s warm out there already today.”

“Yeah.” Dean narrows his eyes, chewing his bacon with a clenched jaw.

“Oh!” Sam takes an obnoxiously long drink before continuing. “Cas said he’ll be back this evening.”

“What?”

Sam blinks into the suddenly tense mood. He half waves his phone at him. “Cas. He’ll be back today.” He meets Dean’s hard stare blankly. “What? Why are you glaring?”

“I’m not.” Dean says quickly, trying and failing to take the clipped tone out of his voice. “Just…didn’t think you and Cas had…you know…buddy calls.”

Sam snorts. “Buddy calls? What, you thought he only called you to check in?”

“No.” Yes.

“Sure.” Sam smirks as he wanders over to the sink to rinse his cup.

Dean huffs and shovels eggs into his mouth.

It’s fine. He glares at Sam’s stupid back. It’s good. Sam and Cas should be friends. They are friends. It’s great they’ve got their own phone calls to talk about stuff and that’s absolutely nothing to do with -

“What were you talking about?”

“What?” Sam asks over his shoulder as he fills his water bottle.

Dean grits his teeth. “What were you and Cas talking about?”

“Really?” Sam gives him an incredulous look. “You’ve really got to know?”

“No.” Dean shrugs but it’s too aggressive to be convincing. “Don’t gotta tell me. Just wondering.”

“Right.” Sam smiles to himself. Smug little s - “Don’t think you’d enjoy it anyway.”

If anything can lure Dean into being interested in something, it’s someone telling him he wouldn’t like it. He is suddenly determined to make whatever Sam and Cas’ joint interest his favourite thing ever. He’ll learn Latin if he has to. He’ll learn Enochian -

“We were talking about music.”

“Dude!” Dean explodes, almost sending his empty plate flying. “I love music! Why did ya think I wouldn’t wanna talk about that?”

Sam sighs and turns to face him, looking amused and exasperated all at once.

“It’s…uh - ”

“What?”

“It’s not just talking about random music. I kinda…found something out a few weeks ago.” He eyes Dean cautiously. “You won’t like it.”

“Won’t like what?!”

“Well,” Sam begins overly dramatically. He wanders back to his seat at the table opposite Dean. “You know how Chuck wrote those stories about us?”

Dean’s stomach churns. “Yeah. Freaky.”

Sam winces, pulling his phone out. “Yeah, I know. But…I found this playlist on Spotify - ”

“What?”

“Man, you have to start listening to music on something other than cassettes.”

“I listen to vinyl!”

“I mean digitally.” Sam glares over the top of his phone before showing it to Dean.

He peers at the screen, momentarily confused about what he’s seeing. It’s a playlist - a long playlist judging by the run-time at the top of the screen. His eyes skim over the songs. A few artists jump out at him and he snorts. Lady Gaga, Fall Out Boy, Taylor Swift.

When Sam scrolls up he sees the title. ‘I’m unclean | sam winchester’

Dean’s smirk slips away and his blood runs cold.

“What the hell? You’re telling me someone made that?” Dean goes from shocked to furious in 0.2 seconds. “About you? Being ‘unclean’? That’s such bullshit, man! Look, we’re gonna have to, like…call this stupid website. What’s their number? I’ll call them right now, get them to take it down. Loada shit - ”

Sam just laughs. “You want to call Spotify and get them to take a playlist down about me? Dude, it’s got 68 likes - it’s not exactly viral. Besides,” He looks down at his phone with a grin. “It’s a good playlist honestly.”

Dean pauses, midway through finding his own phone. “What? You actually like it? Sam, you’re not unclean - ”

Sam laughs again. “No, no. I know that. This playlist isn’t saying that’s what I am, Dean. It’s about me as a person. It’s about how I see myself. It’s about me as a character in a story.”

“But you’re not - ”

“I know.” Sam’s grinning, like he’s actually pleased about this horrible new development in their twisted lives. “But to the people that read those books and make these playlists, I am a character. And it’s kinda cool to see how they see me through music.”

“You mean there’s more than one playlist?”

“Dude, there’s loads. Actually, there’s uh…” He almost giggles as he fiddles with his phone again. “I clicked on the account that made this playlist to see if they made one about you too - ”

Dean perks up. “Did they?”

“No, actually. But they did - ha - they made this one.” He holds up his phone again and Dean almost splinters the coffee cup in his hands.

‘Nothing Is Worth Losing You | Sastiel’

Sam’s smirking. Dean isn’t. “Apparently, ‘sastiel’ is a thing. That’s how me and Cas started talking about these playlists in the first place. I sent it to him ‘cause I thought he’d find it funny. There are some good songs on it too. Romantic ones - ”

“But that doesn’t fit you and Cas.” Dean snaps.

“No.” Sam puts his phone away again, a smug expression on his face. “But it’s fun to listen to. And I’ve discovered loads of new music this way. Cas sent me a great playlist he found about him last night. That’s what we were talking about this morning.”

“Right.” Dean tries and fails to unclench his jaw.

“So, yeah. Now you know.” Sam stands and stretches like a man who hasn’t just tortured his brother. “I’m going for a shower. Maybe you should get on Spotify, Dean. Check out all the playlists about you.”

He glares so hard Sam actually winces. “Pass. I don’t need a bunch of mouth-breathing, ‘Supernatural’ nerd fans to tell me what music to listen to, thank you very much.”

_

Dean has a Spotify account by lunch time.

He tried cleaning Baby, he tried watching Dr. Sexy, he tried doing a complete inventory of his weapons.

But those dumb playlist are all he can think about.

So by lunchtime, he’s given in. He lies on his belly on his bed, chomping on an excellent grilled cheese sandwich as he scrolls through his phone.

He searches his own name first, fingers slipping over the letters. The titles of the playlists throw him.

songs that dean winchester secretly listens to

Dean winchester and his daddy issues

Dean Winchester's emotional repression

repressed bi eldest daughter complex (derogatory) dean winchester

He tries to work that one out until his head hurts. He chooses the one just titled:

Dean Winchester ☀️

He can manage that. He opens the playlist and rolls his eyes so hard he sees stars when the first song is by Beyoncé. Daddy Lessons.

But the song immediately regains his interest as it starts. There’s a rowdy, backwater country feel to it that makes him soften to it. If this is how people see him, he can live with that. Hell, it sounds country enough to make him want to put his cowboy hat on.

‘Came into this world - daddy’s little girl. And daddy made a soldier out of me.’

Ok, that’s…Dean swallows. That’s a little too on the nose. He quickly skips to the next track.

Springsteen. Dancing in the Dark. Thank god. He lets that one play, his foot jiggling along. He lets the beat carry him over the lyrics that try to suck him in like quicksand.

‘I ain’t nothing but tired. Man, I’m just tired and bored with myself - ‘

The next few tracks make him feel cold. He’s not sure what he expected, but he definitely hadn’t thought the songs would be so…tragic. The melancholic opening bars of one called ‘Smother’ makes him skip it almost immediately.

Song after song, he feels his grip on himself loosen.

Dean’s under no illusion about the hollowness in his chest, the aching void that is never sated no matter how many breakfasts he cooks with Sam, how many movies he watches with Cas, how many hour long chats he has with Jody.

He’s greedy for attention, for affection. For love.

He’s always been like it.

As a child, John would scoop him up and laugh as Dean clung to him, unwilling to let go. His tiny fingers would only loosen on his father’s shirt at the feel of his mother’s arms around him. He’d cling on to her while she bustled around the house, face half-pressed into her blonde hair. She never seemed to mind, humming softly to both of them as she worked.

Then she was gone. And John stopped holding him.

Dean still remembers the first motel they stayed in after the fire. The faint smell of mildew in the air was overtaken by the choking scent of smoke from their clothes. Sammy slept propped against some pillows and John sat on the edge of the bed, staring at nothing. Dean thought it would make both of them feel better if they hugged.

He’d only managed to get one little arm under John’s before he was being roughly pushed away. There was a darkness in his father’s eyes he had never seen before and the shock jolted him out of his desire for comfort.

He never tried again. He clung to Sammy instead. He was a baby so he couldn’t push Dean away.

But Sammy got bigger and bigger and then left.

And the hollow void in his chest ached. So he distracted himself with hook-ups and hunts. That would work for a few days but then he’d find himself alone again and the space yawned wider.

He scrubs his hand over his face and pulls his headphones off. His eyes feel dry and tight, like he should be crying but he can’t work out how.

He looks down at his phone and chuckles despite himself.

Ok. Maybe those Supernatural nerds know what they’re doing.

He’s about to give up for the day when he remembers the other playlist Sam showed him. ‘Sastiel’. Dean’s trying not to think about why that sets his teeth on edge.

He clicks on the username of the person who made the playlist he’d been listening to. He scrolls through a few labelled things he doesn’t recognise before he spots it.

Destiel

He can respect a simple title. He clicks on it and stares at the runtime: four hours and fifty seven minutes. Ok, this particular nerd obviously has quite a lot to say about ‘destiel’.

Despite himself, he grins at the title of the first song. Angel With a Shotgun. He shoves his headphones back on, hits play and feels a swoop of excitement as the song rumbles on, upbeat and strong. Like Springsteen, he lets the rhythm carry him past the lyrics that should make him pause.

He really doesn’t want to stop and think too hard on, ‘I don’t care if heaven won’t take me back, I’ll throw away my faith to keep you safe. Don’t you know you’re everything I have?’

It’s not as if that has to be romantic, right? Pushing aside the fact this is a ‘destiel’ playlist, it could still be platonic. He kind of is everything Cas has. Or at least, he was. But now Cas is friends with Sam, and Mom and he keeps in touch with Claire.

And that’s great. Dean forces himself to smile before realising he’s alone in his room so he doesn’t have to. The aching gets stronger in his chest.

The next song comes on without him noticing.

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman.

He rolls over onto his back and listens. This one’s...yeah. This one’s good. The sense of companionship - finding someone who is stuck just like you are.

He smiles up at the ceiling.

‘Maybe together we can get somewhere...’

_

Dean hunches over his phone in the kitchen that evening, the smell of homemade lasagne cooking in the oven.

Sam’s talking but Dean’s too busy to listen. He’s reading the lyrics to ‘E.T.’, confused how this particular song apparently relates to him and Cas.

He’s just feeling some type of way about ‘Could you be an angel? Your touch, magnetising, feels like I am floating, leaves my body glowing’ when his phone abruptly leaves his hand.

He blinks and lunges for it but it’s too late.

“Dude, I’ve been talking to you for a half hour now and got nothing back. What are you - ” Sam trails off, eyes widening as he flicks through the lyrics and sees Spoitfy is open in the background. “Really?” Pure glee lights up his brother’s face. “A ‘Destiel’ playlist?”

Dean tries to be cool despite his face burning. “You were going on and on about it! I thought I should see what people are saying!”

Sam snorts. “I was not ‘going on and on about it’. I mentioned it because you’re so possessive of Cas that you just had to know what we were talking about.”

“What?” Dean squeaks, and forcibly lowers his voice again. “I’m not…possessive of Cas! That’s so…you don’t know what you’re…that’s a loada bull!”

“Why are you both shouting my name?”

Ah, shit.

“Hey, Cas.” Sam says smoothly, smirking.

Dean, thinking Sam’s sufficiently distracted, lunges for his phone again but Sam holds it just out of reach. Desperate and annoyed, Dean stamps on Sam’s foot and he cries out. Dean pulls his phone from his grasp and roughly shoves it into his pocket.

Cas is watching them with a slight tilt to his head and a furrow in his brow.

“Is everything alright?” He says, so sincere Dean feels embarrassed.

“Yeah. Just Sam being a dick.”

“Dean was listening to a ‘destiel’ playlist.” Sam says, because apparently Dean raised him to be a total bastard. Sam smirks as he tries to rub his foot through his shoe.

“Oh.” Cas blinks, looking at Dean with those eyes. All-seeing and soft and so blue. “Is it…a good one?”

Not the question Dean expected to get but it’s one he can work with. “Y-yeah. Not bad. Don’t get some of the songs but…ya know. Not my playlist, I guess.”

He can feel Sam’s eyes flickering between them. Dean’s definitely going to spit on his lasagne before he gives it to him.

Cas just hums, thinking. Dean can never tell what he’s thinking which strikes him as very unfair because Cas always seems to be able to get a read on him.

“I have an excellent one bookmarked.” Cas says, reaching into his pocket and retrieving his phone. “I will send it to you.”

Dean’s brain switches off.

_

Thing is, he keeps listening to them.

It’s stupid, but now he’s started, it’s kinda hard to stop. It’s like all those people that read their horoscope, or take personality tests - at some level, everyone wants to hear about themselves from someone else.

Even for someone who hates himself as much as Dean does, it’s fascinating when someone holds up an image of you and says this is how I see you.

It takes a few weeks for him to admit to himself that a lot of them are right.

And it’s oddly comforting when he’s feeling frustrated with a case, or upset about Mom leaving or annoyed with Sam or missing Cas, there’s pretty much always a song tailored made for him and his emotions.

Particularly emotions regarding Cas.

There’s playlist after playlist about them and Dean’s steadily working through them all. He’s also bookmarked the one Cas sent him and has no idea how to process the fact that someone made a romantic playlist about them that both of them listen to. It’s funny, right?

Right?

Weeks later, Dean has a moment of weakness and lets Sam choose the music while he drives. They’re bone tired and they’ve been on the road too long. First they had a lead on Kelly in Jackson, Ohio which turns out to be a dud. Then on their way back, they stumble on a case in Flora, Illinois which takes almost a week.

Bruised and exhausted from dismantling a vamp nest, it’s all Dean can do to drive. So when Sam asks if he can put some music on for once, Dean just waves a hand, figuring it’ll be some folk/rock or maybe Celine Dion if he’s really unlucky.

He doesn’t really listen to it for a while, too focused on not falling asleep at the wheel to think about anything other than the road. A few of the songs sound familiar but he doesn’t dwell on it. It’s only after nearly an hour when a particularly distinctive intro kicks in does he actually pay attention.

‘No one on earth could feel like this, I’m thrown and overblown with bliss. There must be an angel playing with my heart…’

“What’s this?” He demands, voice rough from hours of silence.

Sam fidgets in his seat. “It’s Eurythmics.”

“Yeah, I know.” And he does know. He’s played the song himself enough times. “I mean, what’s this playlist?”

“Oh, uh…” Sam holds his phone up and Dean takes his eyes off the road for a second to read the title.

heavenly connection - a destiel playlist

“Dude!” Dean is suddenly painfully awake. “Switch it off!”

“What? Why?” Sam rolls his eyes and lets the song play. “You listen to them all the time. Why can’t we listen to them in the car?”

“Because - ” It’s private. “Because it’s dumb, ok? Switch it off.”

“It’s ‘dumb’? Dean, that’s so - ”

“I said switch it off! NOW!”

“ALRIGHT! Alright. Jeez.” Sam jabs at his phone and huffs.

The car is plunged into silence.

Dean immediately feels stupid. There was no need for him to lose it. No need to shout at all. But there’s something too exposing about hearing the playlists out loud. Dean listens to them shut away in his room, headphones on to block out the rest of the world. They’re not for anyone else to hear.

If this is how he’s going to behave about it, maybe they shouldn’t be for him to hear either.

Besides, he’s got too much to think about now. Mom’s working god knows what, god knows where and Cas is…Cas hasn’t checked in for a while.

He clenches his jaw and pushes a little harder on the accelerator.

He’s going to leave those girly, emotional songs behind. He’s got a job to do and people to save.

The void in his chest rumbles like thunder.

_

Two months later, he goes crawling back to them.

More specifically, he goes back to the playlist Cas sent him.

He plays Florence + the Machine’s Cosmic Love over and over and over until the tears dry on his face and make his skin feel tight and stretched over his skull.

‘The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out - ’

Dead, dead, dead. What had that angel said? Oh, yeah. All the way dead. Gone and not coming back.

‘No dawn, no day. I’m always in this twilight.’

The bunker’s a great place to grieve. It’s easy to shut yourself in there like a tomb and rot. It would be even easier if Sam wasn’t hovering around, trying to feed him and get him to go outside.

What’s worth going outside for?

More monsters, more death, more ways for Dean to fail.

The song changes and he quickly flicks past the hopeful ones. He tried listening to those a few days ago but it was like putting vinegar on a burn.

He stops on Take Me to Church, letting the deep tone wash over him like hot water.

‘The only heaven I’ll be sent to is when I’m alone with you. I was born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well.’

The next case they take involves an old house filled with ghosts. Dean plunges the syringe into his chest without hesitation.

It’s not gambling if you don’t care about the outcome.

_

His headphones sit on the bedside table gathering dust while Dean whisper-sings along to Madonna.

He’s gotta pack for Dodge City. It’s a quick turn around but who cares when they’re back up to a full team?

‘It’s like a dream - no end and no beginning. You’re here with me, it’s like a dream.’

“Is this the playlist I sent you?” Cas is in the doorway, broad-shouldered and alive.

“Yeah.” Dean grins. His face flushes a little but he can’t bring himself to be embarrassed right now. He’s skipped all the downbeat songs to get to this one.

“Hmm.” Cas nods, a rare and precious smile on his face. “I like this song.”

“Yeah.” Dean has a vague memory of his father in his mind, scowling and flicking the car radio off when ten year old Dean jiggled his leg along to ‘Like a Prayer’. He takes a breath. “Me too.”

_

He doesn’t really use Spotify for anything else.

He doesn’t see the point - he’s got all his favourite albums on cassette or vinyl and he’s got no desire to listen to them digitally, no matter what Sam says.

He finds other music from the playlists though. More Taylor Swift, but Dean didn’t need much persuading there. If he's in the right mood, he likes listening to Florence + the Machine.

The songs are usually a bit weird and they usually remind him of Cas in some way or another. So when he’s been gone from the Bunker for a while, Dean listens to High As Hope.

‘Hunger’ hits him hard.

‘At seventeen I started to starve myself, I thought that love was a kind of emptiness. And at least I understood then the hunger I felt and I didn’t have to call it loneliness.’

He remembers being a kid and passing the last piece of bread to Sammy, stomach rumbling. At least when he was hungry, he couldn’t tell the difference between the space in his stomach and the space in his chest.

Now, he has the luxury of food in the kitchen and his own bed to sleep in. Nothing else to think about other than that ache in his chest.

Then Mom is gone again and the ache turns to fire.

_

He doesn’t listen to the playlists for a long time.

It churns his stomach knowing what Chuck has been doing. Maybe no one even made these playlists at all. Maybe they’re all Chuck’s invention, created to give Dean a soundtrack to his life inside the cage.

He’s trapped like a hamster in a wheel, running and running and never getting anywhere.

He uninstalls Spotify but doesn’t delete his account.

_

God is dead.

Well, not dead but his power has been ripped from him and that’s enough. It’s enough for Dean now. He’s trying to be better. Trying to be the man that…

Eileen’s back and Sam is buzzing around her, giddy with excitement. Dean wants to pack a bag and leave, let them be happy without him dragging them down.

But he’s got nowhere to go and Sam would only be on his ass ten minutes later to drag him back. He tries to be grateful. He tries to be happy in his freedom.

It’s what he wanted.

Dean manages to sit through dinner with the happiest couple on Earth. He laughs along with Eileen’s stories and torments Sam for her entertainment.

Then he goes to bed early, pulls off his clothes and slides beneath the covers. He slips on his headphones and reinstalls Spotify.

‘The End of Love’ is the first song that comes on because Chuck might be gone but the universe still likes to laugh at him. He lets it play because nothing can really make him hurt more than he already is. And he’s still self-destructive enough to lean into the pain.

‘I’ve always been in love with you. Could you tell it from the moment I met you?’

He feels like he’s stood in the water, looking up at a tidal wave high above his head. It’s going to crash down over him and he can’t escape it. No point in even trying.

‘We were a family pulled from a flood.’

He turns his face to let out the first sob into the bed. Just in case Sam’s walking by and hears him. His fingers curl into the pillow and he clings on as he cries, feeling like a child again; wailing and sobbing to his mother because his father put him down.

‘Joshua came down from the mountain with a tablet in his hands, told me that he loved me, and ghosted me again.’

The chasm in his chest is so big, it presses against his skull and makes his toes cold.

Dean thinks if he falls over, he’ll just crack open.

_

‘Feels like fire, I’m so in love with you. Dreams are like angels, they keep bad at bay - ‘

“Really?” Dean tries to mock but he’s smiling so much his cheeks are hurting. “You chose The Power of Love?”

Cas bristles, holding Dean’s hand a little tighter. “Yes. It’s a good song. It’s featured on many of the ‘destiel’ playlists - ”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean grins, his fingers squeezing Cas’ hip slightly. “Weird first dance song, though.”

“Is it? Oh.” Cas looks genuinely troubled and impossibly handsome. Dean wants to kiss him.

Dean can kiss him. It’s fine. Encouraged, even. It’s their wedding, they’re expected to be sappy and embarrassing and make out if they want to.

So he kisses him and completely forgets that they’re supposed to be dancing. Luckily, Cas leads him in a soft sway, one large warm hand on the base of his back.

‘When the chips are down, I’ll be around with my undying, death-defying love for you.’

Cas hums against his lips and pulls away a little. They’re still close enough to share breath. It should be gross but Dean’s too happy to care.

“I stand by my choice.”

“Yeah?” Dean whispers. He’s vaguely aware of the faces, blurry and distant behind Cas’ head. Sam’s out there with Eileen, Garth and Bess, Jody and Donna and the girls. Bobby and Charlie and Stevie from the other world, even Rowena made a very dramatic appearance…they’re all there for them.

Dean’s so full of love he feels like he’s going to burst.

“Yes.” Cas says firmly, and holds Dean close.

‘The power of love. A force from above.’

Dean closes his eyes and trusts Cas to guide them.

[castiel]

happy valentine’s day to @wigglebox my @spnvalentines!! hope you like it!!😘 thanks again to @acklesology and @fallingstarsdeancas to hosting this lovely event! also for day 1: love languages of @spncreatorsdaily valentine event💖

more than you know (ao3) 3.7k rated: G tagged: love languages, love confessions, matchmaker sam sometimes it seems like dean and cas speak different languages, especially when it comes to love. sam decides to poke them in the right direction --- Feeling a blanket being wrapped around his shoulders, Castiel frowned up at Dean in question. 

“Heats out. Should have it back in an hour or so.” Castiel saw that Dean did in fact seem to be wearing more layers than normal. He of course, hadn’t even noticed the change in temperature, but now that he was paying attention to it, he realized that it was several degrees colder than usual in the bunker. Watching Dean shuffle off to the boiler, Castiel tapped his fingers in thought on the book he was reading. Dean had been doing this quite frequently of late. Offering him things he didn’t need, like a glass of water after a hunt to rehydrate, or snacks while he was researching. Surely Dean knew he didn’t need these things. He was baffled as to why Dean had suddenly started doing these things when he spent more time around the bunker. Perhaps it was Dean’s way of nudging him out the door. Showing him that he was an imposition. Something for Dean to worry about and fuss over when he could be living his life. But he could take care of himself. And since he was sure Dean knew this, these actions had to have some ulterior motive. He just wasn’t sure what exactly it was.

It only continued that night. “You know I don’t need to eat, Dean.”

Dean nodded, “Sure, but sometimes it’s nice to anyways. I want to make you something.”

Castiel shrugged. “I suppose that raspberry pie we tried the other day at the diner was interesting.”

Dean grinned widely, “Raspberry pie it is.”

As he bounced off to the kitchen, Castiel watched him go, perplexed.

Sam laughed softly and shook his head as Castiel turned to him, squinting. “I don’t understand why Dean has been acting so strangely.”

One of Sam’s eyebrows raised, “You really don’t know?”

“No. He’s been treating me like a child.”

Sam pressed his lips together and hummed. “I suppose it could come off that way. But it isn’t how he means it.”

“How does he mean it?”

Sam ran his hand through his hair, “You know that Dean basically raised me, right?”

“Yes.”

“It’s like instinct. Baked into him. He was a caretaker for me, and that never really stopped.”

Castiel tilted his head, “I’m not sure I understand. He knows I’m an angel, so why would he be offering these things to me?”

“That’s how he shows he cares. It can be stifling sometimes, but it’s what he’s always done.” He smiled, “I’m sure you’ve noticed he does the same thing to me, even though I’m an adult.”

Castiel realized that Sam was right. He just hadn’t connected the two interactions because that was how Dean had always been with Sam, ever since he’d met the brothers. “But how does that equate to care? We’re both perfectly able beings.”

Sam sighed and thought for a moment before speaking, “You worry about Dean’s wellbeing right? If he’s hurt, say, or upset?”

“Of course.”

“It’s that on overdrive. You care about someone so much that you want to make sure that they’re taking care of themselves, even if they are capable. Sometimes people forget.” Sam tipped his head, “Though I realize it’s different for you, being an angel — I don’t think Dean sees it that way.”

“Hm.” Castiel nodded in thought. He hadn’t realized that the coddling was out of an abundance of care. A warm soft feeling curled in his chest as he remembered all the little things Dean had been doing for him. Dean was trying to show that he cared. Perhaps he could respond in kind. “Thank you, Sam. This has been illuminating.”

Sam chuckled, “Anytime, Cas. Anything to get you guys to figure it out.”

“Figure what out?”

Sam shook his head, “Nothing,” before getting up and heading back to the library.

Finding Dean in the kitchen, Castiel noticed how hunched over he was, kneading pastry dough on the countertop. Dragging a stool over from the table, Castiel set it next to Dean. “You should sit so you don’t strain your back.”

Dean scoffed. “I’m not that old, Cas.” Castiel moved the stool back to the table. Perhaps he’d done it wrong.

That night when they went to watch a movie, Castiel handed Dean a blanket. He waved it away, “I’m not cold.”

“Oh.” Castiel deflated slightly, this wasn’t going quite to plan.

Dean looked at him carefully before reaching his hand out. “But I might get cold later.” Castiel nodded, appeased.

The next morning at breakfast, Castiel spooned another helping of eggs onto Dean’s plate for him. Dean frowned at him, “It’s okay man, I’m full.”

“You need to make sure to nourish yourself,” he insisted.

Laughing, Dean patted Castiel’s shoulder. “I’m not gonna forget to eat, Cas.”

Castiel looked across the table at Sam in bewilderment. Why wasn’t Dean understanding?

Sam rested his face in his palm and groaned.

“What’s wrong, Sammy?” Dean asked as he shoved another forkful of eggs in his mouth despite his claim of being full.

“Oh, you know,” Sam waved his hand in the air, “Just the usual pain in my ass.”

Dean snickered, “You should probably get that checked out,” at the same time as Castiel asked, “You’re hurt?”

Sam shook his head with an awkward smile, “I’m fine, Cas.”

-

Sam came into his room without knocking. Which he knew Dean hated. Dean groaned, “Come on man, I could be doing anything in here.”

Sam gave him a look, “Ya, you could. But you’re just reading your western.”

“Just reading my-” Dean sputtered, “Lorena just got abducted!” He set the book down, open faced on his chest with an annoyed flourish. “What’s so important?”

Sam handed Dean his phone. “Just take this quiz. Eileen and I placed bets on what you’ll get, so you have to do it.”

Dean narrowed his eyes, he could always tell when his brother was lying. He looked at the screen, then back at Sam incredulously, “You’ve got to be joking.”

“Nope. Come on, I’ve got five bucks riding on this.” Sighing, Dean started tapping out answers to the quiz entitled, ‘Find your love language’. When he got to the end, he handed the phone back to Sam. Sam frowned at the screen for a moment, “Huh. ‘Quality time. You enjoy spending time with the people you care about even if you’re not doing anything special.’”

“Ya, I could’ve told you that without your silly little quiz,” Dean quipped. Sam glared at him. “So, do you get five bucks?” Sam didn’t say anything before leaving and shutting Dean’s door a little too hard. “Guess not,” Dean grinned to himself as he went back to his book.

-

“What’s this?” Castiel asked after Sam slid his phone across the table to him.

“Just take the quiz.”

“Ok.” Castiel pushed aside the book he was reading and tapped away at the screen. A moment later he came to the end, “I received the ‘words of affirmation’ result.”

“Shit.”

Castiel frowned, “Is that bad?”

“No, no Cas, that’s a great result. It just explains why this has taken so long.”

His frown deepened, “Why what has taken so long?”

Sam just shook his head at him and left the library muttering to himself about having to do everything.

-

The next afternoon when Dean was working on Baby, he heard footsteps echo across the garage. Lifting his head out from under the hood, he saw Sam. “What’s up?”

Sam shrugged. “Nothing much.”

Dean stared at him, waiting for more, but nothing came. “Okay,” he gave him a look and went back to fiddling with the engine.

“Just wanted you to know that I got Cas to take that quiz too.”

Dean paused in unscrewing a part but didn’t look back up. “Oh ya?”

“Mhmm. He got ‘words of affirmation’.”

He checked three more plugs before he laughed unconvincingly even to his own ears, “What does that even mean?”

“That actions don’t speak louder than words for him. That hearing how you feel, or being paid an unsolicited compliment means a lot.”

Cleaning a connector with his rag, Dean knew he wasn’t even doing anything for the car at this point. He was just avoiding looking at Sam. “Huh.” By the time he had the courage to peek up, Sam had left. Kind of weird that he came in just to tell him that.

Finally standing, Dean stretched out his back, feeling it pop in a few places. So… Cas understood nice words more than he did actions. A dark, sinking guilt settled in his gut. He’d never been very good at using his words. The few times he had, were when he thought he was moments from death. Or he downplayed what he actually wanted to say. Never really letting himself be fully honest. Always so afraid to lose what they already had, because when did he ever get to keep something good? There was always another fight, or another enemy after them. He was always having to sacrifice himself in various ways to even keep them all together as much as they were.

But… he supposed it could be argued that if things could end at any time, then perhaps now was all they would ever have. Clenching and unclenching his fists, he forced himself to breathe. Cas deserved to know how important he was, and if Sam was right, then he’d never actually expressed it to Cas in a way he’d understand. So, even though the idea of saying it scared Dean more than anything they’d ever faced, he was just going to have to bite the bullet and face the consequences… whatever they might be.

-

Castiel was just finishing his book and thinking about heading to his bedroom when Sam came into the library. He didn’t need to sleep, but he enjoyed resting in a place that was just his. He’d probably take another book with him. “Did you need something, Sam?”

“Uh, sort of.” Sam leaned on the chair across from Castiel. “Just wanted to let you know that I got Dean to take that quiz too.”

“Oh?”

“His love language is quality time. So, he just wants to spend time with the people he cares about. Doesn’t have to be around any special event or anything, just being together.”

Castiel nodded at Sam to show he’d heard him, but he had no idea what sort of response Sam wanted. “I see.”

Sam nodded back and widened his eyes, as if to indicate something, “So, you know, do with that what you will.” Then winked before leaving again.

Running his fingers over the edge of the book in front of him on the table, Castiel wondered why Sam was telling him this. Perhaps he meant that Dean didn’t comprehend his care through the small gestures he’d offered.

He’d always thought that Dean didn’t want him around all the time. That he was more useful if he was searching for tools they needed, or finding answers out in the world. But… if Sam was right, perhaps Dean would enjoy more time together. He did always seem pleased to watch movies with him. Castiel had just thought that was about educating him so that he’d understand Dean’s references. But maybe it was actually about the time they spent together.

Standing from the table, he made up his mind.

He found Dean in the kitchen drinking a glass of water, clothes still oil and grease stained from the garage. His eyes widened when they met Castiel’s. “Oh, hey Cas.”

“Dean.” Castiel rubbed a couple of his fingers together, gathering himself. “I believe it’s a clear night tonight.”

“Uh… I think so, ya.”

“Would you… would you like to go look at the stars?” Dean just stared at him, his face blank. Castiel added on, “With me, I mean.”

“Just us?”

Castiel nodded. “If that’s okay.”

Dean’s expression finally softened and the corner of his mouth tipped upwards, “That’s always okay, Cas.” He gestured to his clothing, “Let me just change outta these. Should probably put something warm on, it’ll be cold out there.” Jutting his chin towards Castiel’s own clothes he asked, “Do you want something warmer?”

Smiling lightly now that he knew what that meant, Castiel said, “I could grab a blanket for both of us?”

Dean set down his glass with a grin, “Good idea.”

They drove out to a dark field a few minutes away from the bunker, where the sky stretched out in every direction, stars blanketing the heavens and illuminating the foliage in a silvery glow.

Settling on the hood of Dean’s car, they sat side by side, the blanket at Castiel’s right side in case they needed it. Sitting in silence for a long moment, they just admired the view. Castiel took a deep breath. It was moments like this when he felt closest to… the unnamed feeling deep inside him. The thing that had caused the crack in his chassis. Surrounded by the beauty of God’s creation, awe inducing in its vastness, with Dean at his side. Nothing could be more perfect, he thought.

“I enjoy spending time with you, Dean. I’d like if we could do it more often.”

Dean groaned and leaned forwards, brushing his hands through his hair aggressively. This wasn’t the response Castiel was hoping for. He thought Sam had said that this was the language that Dean would understand as his caring for him. He stayed quiet and waited for Dean to speak. Finally, Dean bumped his shoulder into Castiel’s and said quietly, “We can always hang out, Cas. I’m sorry if I made you feel like we couldn’t.”  

Castiel shrugged. “There are just always more important matters to attend to. I’m more useful to you when I’m taking care of those things.”

He saw Dean clench his jaw out of the corner of his eye. “That’s not the point, Cas.” Castiel felt Dean shiver.

“You’re cold,” he handed the blanket to Dean and Dean glanced at him for a moment before wrapping it around both of them.

They sat like that for a beat, blanket around their shoulders and draped down their sides, turned slightly to face each other. Castiel tried to figure out what Dean was thinking from just his eyes, but his expression was carefully guarded. Then Dean glanced down and took Castiel’s hand in his. “Cas… the point, is that you’re more important than those things.” Dean looked away for a moment, “I know I’m not great at using my words, but you need to know how important you are… to me.”

Castiel frowned, wondering what had brought this on. “Yes. You’ve told me before that you need me. I know I’m of great use to you and Sam.”

There was a sharp tic in Dean’s cheek, “Cas… you’re not important to me because you’re useful. That’s not what I meant when I said I needed you. I meant-” Dean’s eyes flickered between his, “You mean the world to me, man.”

Dean’s cheeks darkened at that last statement, he was clearly uncomfortable. Castiel thought that perhaps Sam had convinced Dean that Castiel was unhappy and needed reassurance. “Dean, it’s alright. You don’t have to say things you don’t mean. I don’t need platitudes. Sam is your world and I have always admired your love for him.”

Dean just stared at him with a slightly horrified look on his face. “God, you don’t even believe me when I do say it.” Castiel tilted his head in confusion. Dean squeezed his hand tightly, “Cas, I’m not saying things I don’t mean. I’m finally, fucking finally, saying what I actually feel. And I know I’m doing a terrible job of it, but please, just listen to what I’m saying.”

Taking a breath, Castiel felt a strange nervous buzzing in his chest as he realized that Dean had been holding his hand this entire time. “Okay.”

“Yes, Sam is important. He’s my brother, and I probably couldn’t live without him. But you, man… you make life worth living.” As Dean stared into his eyes, Castiel felt the truth of his statement wash over him and the buzzing in his chest increased in frequency. “I know that sounds cheesy as hell, but it’s true. When you’re… gone,” Dean’s voice broke, “the world is just pointless, you know?” Dean’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, “Nothing matters if you’re not here… with me.”

Castiel couldn’t stop his smile if he tried and he gripped Dean’s hand back tightly. The buzzing in his chest was reaching a fever pitch and made him feel like he was glowing from the inside out. Dean smiled back at him softly and a tear rolled slowly down his cheek. Reaching out to gently brush it away with his thumb, Castiel admitted, “I always hoped that you would ask me to stay.”

Dean leaned his face into Castiel’s palm, and Castiel felt like he could shatter at any moment. “This is me asking you to stay.”

“Of course I’ll stay.” Nothing in all the universes could part him from Dean at this very moment. He would rend the world in two rather than be separated from his beloved.

But the smallest inkling of doubt lingered at the back of his mind and it worked its way out of his mouth before he could stop it, “But I always thought you wished for a normal life. One without hunting, or angels and demons, and apocalypses… you could still have that.”

Dean straightened, a hot anger in his eyes as he laid his hand over Castiel’s on his face, his thumb stroking over Castiel’s fingers a sharp contrast to the vehemence in his words. “Fuck a normal life. I want you, Cas.” He moved Castiel’s hand from his face to his left shoulder, pressing it in hard to make his point. “Even if I had to do it all over… I would. I wouldn’t want to live in a world where I didn’t meet you.”

Castiel felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks. His voice wavered, “I can’t believe I get to have this.”

Smiling at him, Dean moved to hold Castiel’s face in his hands, running his thumbs over his cheekbones. “You’ve always had me.” He leaned in and pressed his lips gently against Castiel’s and Castiel felt sure that force of the joy bursting from every inch of his being could create whole worlds. When Dean pulled away, he didn’t move far, keeping their faces inches apart. Through the tears in his eyes, Dean seemed to glitter and gleam in the starlight, as if he was surrounded by grace. Castiel rubbed his thumbs over Dean’s arms where his hands had found themselves. Dean took a shuddering breath, his voice rough with emotion. “I love you, Cas.” Tears were streaming down his face. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it every damn day. Because it’s been true for so much longer than I’d like to admit.”

Castiel choked out a laugh before he pressed his own kiss to Dean’s lips, hard and filled with years of repressed need. Dean moaned into it and the sound made Castiel shiver in pleasure down to his toes. Their lips opened as one and as Castiel slid his tongue along Dean’s, he relished being able to taste him for the first time. It was at once comforting and familiar, while also sensual and exciting. He had kissed others before, but it was nothing like this. He couldn’t even compare them, the experiences were completely disparate. As their kiss slowed, Castiel allowed himself one last soft press to Dean’s lips, they were both breathing heavily. “I love you too,” he sighed, marvelling in the open adoration on Dean’s face. “Since before I even knew what to call the feeling.”

A shadow passed over Dean’s eyes and his gaze skittered downwards. “I don’t deserve you, man.”

Castiel pressed his hand to Dean’s jaw and raised his head, waiting for Dean to meet his eyes again. When he did, Castiel infused his words with all the certainty he had, “Yes, you do. You deserve to be loved, to be cared for, and to be happy. And I shall endeavour to convince you of that fact for as long as you’ll have me.”

Coughing a short laugh through his tears which were beginning to stop, Dean smiled at him. “Pretty sure you’ve been it for me since we met.”

There was a fluttering inside him at Dean’s words. “I believe I know the feeling.”

“I’m gonna tell you everyday how much I love you.”

“You don’t have to say it everyday,” Castiel assured him. Then tipped his head cockily, “But it is nice to hear.”

Dean laughed fully, edges of his eyes crinkled and joyful looking deep into his. Castiel thought there was no better sound he’d ever heard. Dean rubbed his nose against Castiel’s tenderly, “Then I’ll say it, angel.”

When they got back to the bunker, Sam was waiting for them at the kitchen table with a smirk on his face. “It’s about damn time you two figured it out.”

Castiel glanced at Dean in question, they weren’t holding hands or doing anything to indicate that something had changed between them. “How did you know?” Dean asked.

“The power only just came back on a few minutes ago, so I figured something went right,” Sam took a satisfied sip from his mug.

Castiel blushed and Dean grinned when he noticed, pulling Castiel in by his sleeve to kiss his cheek.

Rolling his eyes, Sam waved them away, “Alright, keep it in whatever room you guys pick to be yours.”

Castiel’s eyes widened, he hadn’t wanted to presume that they’d share a space and was about to say as much when Dean turned to him and said, “My bed is bigger. But we could always buy a bigger one if you want.”

The warm fluttering feeling returned as Castiel realized that this was really happening. Dean really wanted this, with him. He couldn’t help himself, Castiel grabbed Dean’s jacket and pulled him into a forceful kiss.

Sam sputtered into his tea. “Seriously, I’m thrilled you guys are happy. But,” he pointed down the hall, “Room.”

Dean laughed and grabbed Castiel’s hand, pulling him along, and Castiel knew that he would follow. As he always had, and always would.