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castiel · 3 years ago

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happy valentine’s day to @wigglebox my @spnvalentines!! hope you like it!!😘 thanks again to @acklesology and @fallingstarsdeancas to hosting this lovely event! also for day 1: love languages of @spncreatorsdaily valentine event💖

more than you know (ao3) 3.7k rated: G tagged: love languages, love confessions, matchmaker sam sometimes it seems like dean and cas speak different languages, especially when it comes to love. sam decides to poke them in the right direction --- Feeling a blanket being wrapped around his shoulders, Castiel frowned up at Dean in question.

“Heats out. Should have it back in an hour or so.” Castiel saw that Dean did in fact seem to be wearing more layers than normal. He of course, hadn’t even noticed the change in temperature, but now that he was paying attention to it, he realized that it was several degrees colder than usual in the bunker. Watching Dean shuffle off to the boiler, Castiel tapped his fingers in thought on the book he was reading. Dean had been doing this quite frequently of late. Offering him things he didn’t need, like a glass of water after a hunt to rehydrate, or snacks while he was researching. Surely Dean knew he didn’t need these things. He was baffled as to why Dean had suddenly started doing these things when he spent more time around the bunker. Perhaps it was Dean’s way of nudging him out the door. Showing him that he was an imposition. Something for Dean to worry about and fuss over when he could be living his life. But he could take care of himself. And since he was sure Dean knew this, these actions had to have some ulterior motive. He just wasn’t sure what exactly it was.

It only continued that night. “You know I don’t need to eat, Dean.”

Dean nodded, “Sure, but sometimes it’s nice to anyways. I want to make you something.”

Castiel shrugged. “I suppose that raspberry pie we tried the other day at the diner was interesting.”

Dean grinned widely, “Raspberry pie it is.”

As he bounced off to the kitchen, Castiel watched him go, perplexed.

Sam laughed softly and shook his head as Castiel turned to him, squinting. “I don’t understand why Dean has been acting so strangely.”

One of Sam’s eyebrows raised, “You really don’t know?”

“No. He’s been treating me like a child.”

Sam pressed his lips together and hummed. “I suppose it could come off that way. But it isn’t how he means it.”

“How does he mean it?”

Sam ran his hand through his hair, “You know that Dean basically raised me, right?”

“Yes.”

“It’s like instinct. Baked into him. He was a caretaker for me, and that never really stopped.”

Castiel tilted his head, “I’m not sure I understand. He knows I’m an angel, so why would he be offering these things to me?”

“That’s how he shows he cares. It can be stifling sometimes, but it’s what he’s always done.” He smiled, “I’m sure you’ve noticed he does the same thing to me, even though I’m an adult.”

Castiel realized that Sam was right. He just hadn’t connected the two interactions because that was how Dean had always been with Sam, ever since he’d met the brothers. “But how does that equate to care? We’re both perfectly able beings.”

Sam sighed and thought for a moment before speaking, “You worry about Dean’s wellbeing right? If he’s hurt, say, or upset?”

“Of course.”

“It’s that on overdrive. You care about someone so much that you want to make sure that they’re taking care of themselves, even if they are capable. Sometimes people forget.” Sam tipped his head, “Though I realize it’s different for you, being an angel — I don’t think Dean sees it that way.”

“Hm.” Castiel nodded in thought. He hadn’t realized that the coddling was out of an abundance of care. A warm soft feeling curled in his chest as he remembered all the little things Dean had been doing for him. Dean was trying to show that he cared. Perhaps he could respond in kind. “Thank you, Sam. This has been illuminating.”

Sam chuckled, “Anytime, Cas. Anything to get you guys to figure it out.”

“Figure what out?”

Sam shook his head, “Nothing,” before getting up and heading back to the library.

Finding Dean in the kitchen, Castiel noticed how hunched over he was, kneading pastry dough on the countertop. Dragging a stool over from the table, Castiel set it next to Dean. “You should sit so you don’t strain your back.”

Dean scoffed. “I’m not that old, Cas.” Castiel moved the stool back to the table. Perhaps he’d done it wrong.

That night when they went to watch a movie, Castiel handed Dean a blanket. He waved it away, “I’m not cold.”

“Oh.” Castiel deflated slightly, this wasn’t going quite to plan.

Dean looked at him carefully before reaching his hand out. “But I might get cold later.” Castiel nodded, appeased.

The next morning at breakfast, Castiel spooned another helping of eggs onto Dean’s plate for him. Dean frowned at him, “It’s okay man, I’m full.”

“You need to make sure to nourish yourself,” he insisted.

Laughing, Dean patted Castiel’s shoulder. “I’m not gonna forget to eat, Cas.”

Castiel looked across the table at Sam in bewilderment. Why wasn’t Dean understanding?

Sam rested his face in his palm and groaned.

“What’s wrong, Sammy?” Dean asked as he shoved another forkful of eggs in his mouth despite his claim of being full.

“Oh, you know,” Sam waved his hand in the air, “Just the usual pain in my ass.”

Dean snickered, “You should probably get that checked out,” at the same time as Castiel asked, “You’re hurt?”

Sam shook his head with an awkward smile, “I’m fine, Cas.”

Sam came into his room without knocking. Which he knew Dean hated. Dean groaned, “Come on man, I could be doing anything in here.”

Sam gave him a look, “Ya, you could. But you’re just reading your western.”

“Just reading my-” Dean sputtered, “Lorena just got abducted!” He set the book down, open faced on his chest with an annoyed flourish. “What’s so important?”

Sam handed Dean his phone. “Just take this quiz. Eileen and I placed bets on what you’ll get, so you have to do it.”

Dean narrowed his eyes, he could always tell when his brother was lying. He looked at the screen, then back at Sam incredulously, “You’ve got to be joking.”

“Nope. Come on, I’ve got five bucks riding on this.” Sighing, Dean started tapping out answers to the quiz entitled, ‘Find your love language’. When he got to the end, he handed the phone back to Sam. Sam frowned at the screen for a moment, “Huh. ‘Quality time. You enjoy spending time with the people you care about even if you’re not doing anything special.’”

“Ya, I could’ve told you that without your silly little quiz,” Dean quipped. Sam glared at him. “So, do you get five bucks?” Sam didn’t say anything before leaving and shutting Dean’s door a little too hard. “Guess not,” Dean grinned to himself as he went back to his book.

“What’s this?” Castiel asked after Sam slid his phone across the table to him.

“Just take the quiz.”

“Ok.” Castiel pushed aside the book he was reading and tapped away at the screen. A moment later he came to the end, “I received the ‘words of affirmation’ result.”

“Shit.”

Castiel frowned, “Is that bad?”

“No, no Cas, that’s a great result. It just explains why this has taken so long.”

His frown deepened, “Why what has taken so long?”

Sam just shook his head at him and left the library muttering to himself about having to do everything.

The next afternoon when Dean was working on Baby, he heard footsteps echo across the garage. Lifting his head out from under the hood, he saw Sam. “What’s up?”

Sam shrugged. “Nothing much.”

Dean stared at him, waiting for more, but nothing came. “Okay,” he gave him a look and went back to fiddling with the engine.

“Just wanted you to know that I got Cas to take that quiz too.”

Dean paused in unscrewing a part but didn’t look back up. “Oh ya?”

“Mhmm. He got ‘words of affirmation’.”

He checked three more plugs before he laughed unconvincingly even to his own ears, “What does that even mean?”

“That actions don’t speak louder than words for him. That hearing how you feel, or being paid an unsolicited compliment means a lot.”

Cleaning a connector with his rag, Dean knew he wasn’t even doing anything for the car at this point. He was just avoiding looking at Sam. “Huh.” By the time he had the courage to peek up, Sam had left. Kind of weird that he came in just to tell him that.

Finally standing, Dean stretched out his back, feeling it pop in a few places. So… Cas understood nice words more than he did actions. A dark, sinking guilt settled in his gut. He’d never been very good at using his words. The few times he had, were when he thought he was moments from death. Or he downplayed what he actually wanted to say. Never really letting himself be fully honest. Always so afraid to lose what they already had, because when did he ever get to keep something good? There was always another fight, or another enemy after them. He was always having to sacrifice himself in various ways to even keep them all together as much as they were.

But… he supposed it could be argued that if things could end at any time, then perhaps now was all they would ever have. Clenching and unclenching his fists, he forced himself to breathe. Cas deserved to know how important he was, and if Sam was right, then he’d never actually expressed it to Cas in a way he’d understand. So, even though the idea of saying it scared Dean more than anything they’d ever faced, he was just going to have to bite the bullet and face the consequences… whatever they might be.

Castiel was just finishing his book and thinking about heading to his bedroom when Sam came into the library. He didn’t need to sleep, but he enjoyed resting in a place that was just his. He’d probably take another book with him. “Did you need something, Sam?”

“Uh, sort of.” Sam leaned on the chair across from Castiel. “Just wanted to let you know that I got Dean to take that quiz too.”

“Oh?”

“His love language is quality time. So, he just wants to spend time with the people he cares about. Doesn’t have to be around any special event or anything, just being together.”

Castiel nodded at Sam to show he’d heard him, but he had no idea what sort of response Sam wanted. “I see.”

Sam nodded back and widened his eyes, as if to indicate something, “So, you know, do with that what you will.” Then winked before leaving again.

Running his fingers over the edge of the book in front of him on the table, Castiel wondered why Sam was telling him this. Perhaps he meant that Dean didn’t comprehend his care through the small gestures he’d offered.

He’d always thought that Dean didn’t want him around all the time. That he was more useful if he was searching for tools they needed, or finding answers out in the world. But… if Sam was right, perhaps Dean would enjoy more time together. He did always seem pleased to watch movies with him. Castiel had just thought that was about educating him so that he’d understand Dean’s references. But maybe it was actually about the time they spent together.

Standing from the table, he made up his mind.

He found Dean in the kitchen drinking a glass of water, clothes still oil and grease stained from the garage. His eyes widened when they met Castiel’s. “Oh, hey Cas.”

“Dean.” Castiel rubbed a couple of his fingers together, gathering himself. “I believe it’s a clear night tonight.”

“Uh… I think so, ya.”

“Would you… would you like to go look at the stars?” Dean just stared at him, his face blank. Castiel added on, “With me, I mean.”

“Just us?”

Castiel nodded. “If that’s okay.”

Dean’s expression finally softened and the corner of his mouth tipped upwards, “That’s always okay, Cas.” He gestured to his clothing, “Let me just change outta these. Should probably put something warm on, it’ll be cold out there.” Jutting his chin towards Castiel’s own clothes he asked, “Do you want something warmer?”

Smiling lightly now that he knew what that meant, Castiel said, “I could grab a blanket for both of us?”

Dean set down his glass with a grin, “Good idea.”

They drove out to a dark field a few minutes away from the bunker, where the sky stretched out in every direction, stars blanketing the heavens and illuminating the foliage in a silvery glow.

Settling on the hood of Dean’s car, they sat side by side, the blanket at Castiel’s right side in case they needed it. Sitting in silence for a long moment, they just admired the view. Castiel took a deep breath. It was moments like this when he felt closest to… the unnamed feeling deep inside him. The thing that had caused the crack in his chassis. Surrounded by the beauty of God’s creation, awe inducing in its vastness, with Dean at his side. Nothing could be more perfect, he thought.

“I enjoy spending time with you, Dean. I’d like if we could do it more often.”

Dean groaned and leaned forwards, brushing his hands through his hair aggressively. This wasn’t the response Castiel was hoping for. He thought Sam had said that this was the language that Dean would understand as his caring for him. He stayed quiet and waited for Dean to speak. Finally, Dean bumped his shoulder into Castiel’s and said quietly, “We can always hang out, Cas. I’m sorry if I made you feel like we couldn’t.”

Castiel shrugged. “There are just always more important matters to attend to. I’m more useful to you when I’m taking care of those things.”

He saw Dean clench his jaw out of the corner of his eye. “That’s not the point, Cas.” Castiel felt Dean shiver.

“You’re cold,” he handed the blanket to Dean and Dean glanced at him for a moment before wrapping it around both of them.

They sat like that for a beat, blanket around their shoulders and draped down their sides, turned slightly to face each other. Castiel tried to figure out what Dean was thinking from just his eyes, but his expression was carefully guarded. Then Dean glanced down and took Castiel’s hand in his. “Cas… the point, is that you’re more important than those things.” Dean looked away for a moment, “I know I’m not great at using my words, but you need to know how important you are… to me.”

Castiel frowned, wondering what had brought this on. “Yes. You’ve told me before that you need me. I know I’m of great use to you and Sam.”

There was a sharp tic in Dean’s cheek, “Cas… you’re not important to me because you’re useful. That’s not what I meant when I said I needed you. I meant-” Dean’s eyes flickered between his, “You mean the world to me, man.”

Dean’s cheeks darkened at that last statement, he was clearly uncomfortable. Castiel thought that perhaps Sam had convinced Dean that Castiel was unhappy and needed reassurance. “Dean, it’s alright. You don’t have to say things you don’t mean. I don’t need platitudes. Sam is your world and I have always admired your love for him.”

Dean just stared at him with a slightly horrified look on his face. “God, you don’t even believe me when I do say it.” Castiel tilted his head in confusion. Dean squeezed his hand tightly, “Cas, I’m not saying things I don’t mean. I’m finally, fucking finally, saying what I actually feel. And I know I’m doing a terrible job of it, but please, just listen to what I’m saying.”

Taking a breath, Castiel felt a strange nervous buzzing in his chest as he realized that Dean had been holding his hand this entire time. “Okay.”

“Yes, Sam is important. He’s my brother, and I probably couldn’t live without him. But you, man… you make life worth living.” As Dean stared into his eyes, Castiel felt the truth of his statement wash over him and the buzzing in his chest increased in frequency. “I know that sounds cheesy as hell, but it’s true. When you’re… gone,” Dean’s voice broke, “the world is just pointless, you know?” Dean’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, “Nothing matters if you’re not here… with me.”

Castiel couldn’t stop his smile if he tried and he gripped Dean’s hand back tightly. The buzzing in his chest was reaching a fever pitch and made him feel like he was glowing from the inside out. Dean smiled back at him softly and a tear rolled slowly down his cheek. Reaching out to gently brush it away with his thumb, Castiel admitted, “I always hoped that you would ask me to stay.”

Dean leaned his face into Castiel’s palm, and Castiel felt like he could shatter at any moment. “This is me asking you to stay.”

“Of course I’ll stay.” Nothing in all the universes could part him from Dean at this very moment. He would rend the world in two rather than be separated from his beloved.

But the smallest inkling of doubt lingered at the back of his mind and it worked its way out of his mouth before he could stop it, “But I always thought you wished for a normal life. One without hunting, or angels and demons, and apocalypses… you could still have that.”

Dean straightened, a hot anger in his eyes as he laid his hand over Castiel’s on his face, his thumb stroking over Castiel’s fingers a sharp contrast to the vehemence in his words. “Fuck a normal life. I want you, Cas.” He moved Castiel’s hand from his face to his left shoulder, pressing it in hard to make his point. “Even if I had to do it all over… I would. I wouldn’t want to live in a world where I didn’t meet you.”

Castiel felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks. His voice wavered, “I can’t believe I get to have this.”

Smiling at him, Dean moved to hold Castiel’s face in his hands, running his thumbs over his cheekbones. “You’ve always had me.” He leaned in and pressed his lips gently against Castiel’s and Castiel felt sure that force of the joy bursting from every inch of his being could create whole worlds. When Dean pulled away, he didn’t move far, keeping their faces inches apart. Through the tears in his eyes, Dean seemed to glitter and gleam in the starlight, as if he was surrounded by grace. Castiel rubbed his thumbs over Dean’s arms where his hands had found themselves. Dean took a shuddering breath, his voice rough with emotion. “I love you, Cas.” Tears were streaming down his face. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it every damn day. Because it’s been true for so much longer than I’d like to admit.”

Castiel choked out a laugh before he pressed his own kiss to Dean’s lips, hard and filled with years of repressed need. Dean moaned into it and the sound made Castiel shiver in pleasure down to his toes. Their lips opened as one and as Castiel slid his tongue along Dean’s, he relished being able to taste him for the first time. It was at once comforting and familiar, while also sensual and exciting. He had kissed others before, but it was nothing like this. He couldn’t even compare them, the experiences were completely disparate. As their kiss slowed, Castiel allowed himself one last soft press to Dean’s lips, they were both breathing heavily. “I love you too,” he sighed, marvelling in the open adoration on Dean’s face. “Since before I even knew what to call the feeling.”

A shadow passed over Dean’s eyes and his gaze skittered downwards. “I don’t deserve you, man.”

Castiel pressed his hand to Dean’s jaw and raised his head, waiting for Dean to meet his eyes again. When he did, Castiel infused his words with all the certainty he had, “Yes, you do. You deserve to be loved, to be cared for, and to be happy. And I shall endeavour to convince you of that fact for as long as you’ll have me.”

Coughing a short laugh through his tears which were beginning to stop, Dean smiled at him. “Pretty sure you’ve been it for me since we met.”

There was a fluttering inside him at Dean’s words. “I believe I know the feeling.”

“I’m gonna tell you everyday how much I love you.”

“You don’t have to say it everyday,” Castiel assured him. Then tipped his head cockily, “But it is nice to hear.”

Dean laughed fully, edges of his eyes crinkled and joyful looking deep into his. Castiel thought there was no better sound he’d ever heard. Dean rubbed his nose against Castiel’s tenderly, “Then I’ll say it, angel.”

When they got back to the bunker, Sam was waiting for them at the kitchen table with a smirk on his face. “It’s about damn time you two figured it out.”

Castiel glanced at Dean in question, they weren’t holding hands or doing anything to indicate that something had changed between them. “How did you know?” Dean asked.

“The power only just came back on a few minutes ago, so I figured something went right,” Sam took a satisfied sip from his mug.

Castiel blushed and Dean grinned when he noticed, pulling Castiel in by his sleeve to kiss his cheek.

Rolling his eyes, Sam waved them away, “Alright, keep it in whatever room you guys pick to be yours.”

Castiel’s eyes widened, he hadn’t wanted to presume that they’d share a space and was about to say as much when Dean turned to him and said, “My bed is bigger. But we could always buy a bigger one if you want.”

The warm fluttering feeling returned as Castiel realized that this was really happening. Dean really wanted this, with him. He couldn’t help himself, Castiel grabbed Dean’s jacket and pulled him into a forceful kiss.

Sam sputtered into his tea. “Seriously, I’m thrilled you guys are happy. But,” he pointed down the hall, “Room.”

Dean laughed and grabbed Castiel’s hand, pulling him along, and Castiel knew that he would follow. As he always had, and always would.

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