#spent all night knitting last night im so close to being done the sweater im working on

[loverboybitch]

[h2bakugou]

hi love! can i request an angst to fluff with bakugo? maybe where he cheats and reader catches him. we dont go back to cheaters so maybe kiri and reader end up together and bakugo just regrets. i dont have any specifics in mind so feel free to let this play out however you want! just hurt me.

if this is too much or you dont wanna write this feel free to just ignore it! love you, have a great day!

a/n: hii hun!! ooo this is something i don’t think i’ve done before. i feel like i don’t write really good angst but this is a good prompt so i hope i write it well!! thank you for the request hun!! 

summary: you thought things were going good with bakugou until you catch him cheating on you. distraught, you find comfort in the arms of your closest friend, and something blossoms much stronger than before.

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff, angst, cheating/mentions of cheating, established relationship with bakugou, bakugou’s a dick, kirishima is a real bro of the people and straight up puts his ass on blast

word count: 3.1k (so- i got carried away...god i hope this is good if not im so sorry angst is not my strong suit please-)

;cut for length;

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It was the day after your three-month anniversary with Bakugou. You’d spent all day together yesterday, and for the most part, everything seemed normal.

Perhaps it was because Bakugou wasn’t texting the girl he’d been secretly hanging out with behind your back all day, or maybe it was because he’d planned to meet up with said girl after you finally left him alone.

Bakugou wasn’t interested in you anymore, but frankly stringing you along for his own benefit was a lot easier. Breaking it off would leave a bad image on his part, and the last thing he wanted was a smudged reputation.

Which was why he kept quiet about this other girl, and only met with her when he was certain he wouldn’t be caught. Sneaking off when everyone went to sleep because they assumed he was asleep.

It didn’t help that they lived fairly close to each other so taking time to leave school meant they could hang out with one another at their homes and suspicious eyes would be none the wiser.

Bakugou had lied to his mother about still being with you and claimed that you’d just moved on and left, making you look like the bad guy. So Mitsuki welcomed this newer girl, and showered her in affection much like she had done with you.

Except you were still with Bakugou. And he’d just told you he loved you again. Kissing the top of your head, seemingly unphased as you yawned, ready for bed.

“Goodnight.” You spoke quietly, wishing Bakugou a good night’s rest as you headed off down to Kirishima’s dorm, where you planned to watch him play a new game he’d recently gotten.

“Hey, Kiri!” You smiled, giving him a big warm hug. Kirishima’s heart ached at the little nickname you’d given him, squeezing and wrenching inside his chest as he smelled your sweet-smelling shampoo, your arms squeezing around him as you hugged him.

“Hey (Y/n), is that a new sweater?” Kirishima asked, smiling as he admired the crimson color.

“It is! I’m glad you noticed. It kinda reminds me of your hair now that I think about it.” You giggle, reaching up to ruffle his soft hair. He’d recently washed it and it currently laid down, unlike his normal hairstyle, his large pointy spikes were nowhere in sight.

Kirishima’s little heart only began to beat faster as you entered his room, sitting beside him as he loaded up the game. Resting your head on his shoulder, you would cheer him on as he played, currently whooping ass against Sero and Kaminari who he was playing with.

“Kaminari asked why you couldn’t come watch him play.” Kirishima chuckled, glancing over at you, noticing how tired you looked.

“Well, maybe I’d go watch him play if he didn’t suck.” You joked, hearing Sero ‘ooh’ over the burn you just slapped over Kaminari.

“Damn Kaminari, they got you good.” Kirishima teased, nudging your side as you giggled, sitting up. You stretched your arms and yawned. Kirishima quickly muted his mic and paused.

“You tired, let me walk you up to your dorm.” Kirishima was ready to tell the boys he’d be back in a few but you shook your head.

“I’ll be alright, keep playing. Kick some more ass for me.” You ruffled his hair once more and patted his head before heading out of his room, waving as he waved back.

You made it back to your room and got ready for bed, nearly falling asleep without realizing you didn’t have your phone.

It’d been maybe three hours, before you rolled over, curious about what time it was when you noticed the blank space on your nightstand, where your phone would usually charge.

Sitting up tiredly, you rubbed your eyes and glanced around. You’d completely lost it, you couldn’t find it anywhere, in your dorm at least. You were unsure if you’d had it when you visited Kirishima, but your only thoughts went to Bakugou.

Maybe you’d left it in his dorm when you visited to study with him. Now that you thought about it, you’d brought your books and stuff back down before he went to bed and you returned to tell him goodnight, but he never let you back inside.

It was dark outside, and completely silent in the dorms. Everyone was clearly asleep. Or so you thought.

Creeping up to Bakugou’s dorm, you were surprised to see a little light peeking under the door. You weren’t one to snoop, but you certainly knew for Bakugou to be up at this hour, something would have to be up, maybe he was sick, or couldn’t sleep?

You pressed your ear to the door and listened for a few seconds.

Those few seconds, time stood still.

“So when are we gonna make it official?” A girl’s voice wrecked through you, your eyes watering as you listened.

“I’m working on it. I just need (Y/n) to fucking leave me alone. All they do is follow me around like a lost fucking puppy, it’s annoying.”

This was not happening. He’d just said he loved me a few hours earlier. Why was he being so mean?

“Good, because I don’t how much longer I can keep this a secret. I need to see you, Katsu.” You wanted to throw up. You felt so sick. So hurt.

So betrayed.

You were overwhelmed with emotions, sadness, despair, hurt, anger.

Raising a fist, you pounded on that door like your life was in danger. You could hear a few whispers and footsteps as Bakugou quickly opened the door, surprised to see you. You barged in, shooting one glance at the girl sitting on his bed in one of his shirts, the same one you’d worn earlier that week.

You found your phone laying under a few papers on his dresser. You turned to see Bakugou just staring at you.

“Hey-”

“Don’t” You say quietly as you speed-walk past him and back down the hall. Bakugou doesn’t follow you, or try to stop you, or call out for you.

He slinks back into his dorm and resumes his time with his new girl, taking that as his sign that he was officially single.

Clenching your phone in one shaking hand, you can’t help but feel utterly worthless. And somehow your feet seemed to move on their own, right down to Kirishima’s dorm.

When you felt the door open, and heard a sleepy Kirishima ask if everything was okay, you finally realized you’d trekked down to his dorm without even realizing.

“N-no. It’s not okay, I’m not okay.” You whisper as he pulls you into him for a hug. He stands there, consoling you quietly, not even saying anything. Just rubbing your back as you sob into his shoulder.

He’s concerned, that’s evident by the way his expression is softened, and his eyebrows knit together, wondering just what had happened to have landed you here.

But as he finally pulls you back into his room, the only light coming from a pink and orange glowing Himalayan salt lamp. You’re shaking in his arms as you sink to the floor.

It’s the first time Kirishima’s ever seen you like this. 

So hurt.

“You don’t have to say anything, but I’m worried about you. You tell me when you’re ready okay? Do you need anything right now?” Kirishima’s spoke quietly, and softly, his large, rough hands for once being so gentle and delicate.

You sat and thought for a few minutes, just shaking in his arms as you tried to calm down. You were overwhelmed, too anxious about what had happened, if you weren’t enough for Bakugou.

But you finally spoke up, breaking the silence that had fallen over the two of you.

“I-I’m...” You breathed, finally looking up at Kirishima. You could feel the snot as it leaked from your nose and how wet your cheeks, chin, and neck were, but Kirishima didn’t look at you any differently. 

With red puffy eyes you glanced down and opened your mouth to speak.

“Bakugou, he was, I think...” You paused.

I saw what I saw. I heard her. That girl. He was cheating.

“Bakugou cheated on me.” You whimpered, more tears beginning to fall from your eyes. Your face fell back into Kirishima’s shoulder as your frame shook from pure despair.

Kirishima didn’t respond. He sat, his hands rubbing up and down your spine as you cried, anger boiling inside him.

Never, not even once, had he assumed, or even pondered that Bakugou would ever be unfaithful. His priorities of being on top seemed to overweigh everything else.

So when he’d started dating you, he was albeit a bit jealous, but he supported you and Bakugou’s relationship, despite wanting to be with you himself. But soon he realized you were taken by someone else, and he would respect that.

He changed his usual somewhat flirty comments, and kept things strictly friendly, but he couldn’t help but notice you still made his heart race.

But Bakugou, cheating? That was something he didn’t see coming. But regardless if it was shocking or not, it wasn’t right.

Kirishima didn’t agree with his actions at all, and seeing just how hurt you had been by his actions, it made him feel even angrier.

“Kirishima, I-I don’t know what to do. I thought he loved me. Why didn’t he love me?” You looked at him with tears pouring from your eyes. Broken sobs cracked from your wet lips, and Kirishima’s heart shattered.

Kirishima closed his eyes and placed a hand behind your head, nuzzling your face into his chest as he leaned into you, burying his own face into your shoulder.

“He’s an idiot. It’s gonna be alright. I promise.” Kirishima hushed you quietly, rocking you back and forth in his hold as you finally began to calm down, eventually falling asleep as he came to halt.

Reaching for a blanket, Kirishima wrapped it around you and held you tightly against him. His blood boiled inside him as he began to doze off himself.

“You are so amazing, please don’t let anyone tell you differently.” Kirishima whispered against your hair, resting his own eyes.

As time drained on during everyone’s slumber, a storm was brewing within Kirishima.

Waking in the morning, you awoke in Kirishima’s arms, just where you remembered falling asleep. You nudged him awake but that usual morning smile you wore whenever you’d see him in the common area for breakfast was no where in sight.

“Good morning.” You spoke quietly. It was awkward. But Kirishima quickly ruffled your hair.

“Bed head.” Kirishima pointed out, smiling at the disarray of your locks. You quickly turned away to try and fix what he was talking about.

“Hey relax, it’s okay.” Kirishima chuckled.

“I’m sorry for waking-”

“Don’t apologize. We’re gonna get through this together okay? I’m here to help however you need me too. Do you want me to walk with you to school?” Kirishima offered, helping you stand up as you both began to wake up.

“I think that would be nice. Thank you.” You can’t help but stare at the ground, feeling like a burden. You’d roped Kirishima in with your problems and now-

“I’m really sorry that Bakugou did that. It’s unmanly as hell. If he was unhappy he should’ve talked to you about it, going behind your back was straight up fucking idiotic.” Kirishima’s words sort of spilled out, immediately catching your attention.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay. I agree with you. If he was upset or unhappy, I just wish he would’ve told me.” Your bottom lip quivers as you speak about it, the memories flashing through your mind of seeing that girl on his bed, him talking about you like you weren’t even together.

About how he despised you.

“Go get ready for class, I’ll meet you by the stairs in ten?” Kirishima was already pulling out his uniform and removing his shirt as you headed toward the door.

You nodded and left quickly, running to your room avoiding being seen. And just as he’d stated, you met up by the steps in ten minutes and headed downstairs.

And there he was, waiting, like nothing had happened. Kirishima’s hand shot to yours, holding it tightly as you walked in the opposite direction. He lead you through the back doors and outside where you took a deep breath of the crisp morning air.

“It’s gonna be difficult, but try not to think about him. Every time you find yourself drifting back to him, try and replace it with something that makes you happy, like uh braiding my hair! Or making paper airplanes with Kaminari and how you beat him every time.” Kirishima laughs, lifting your chin up with his thumb and forefinger.

“He did a really scummy thing, and it hurts, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m gonna help however I can, and however you need me too.” Kirishima’s support was flooding your system. Your heart felt warm, despite feeling broken and cold hours earlier.

You didn’t thank him verbally, instead you threw your arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly, smiling.

Kirishima hugged you back and smiled. He missed your smile. 

Days turned into weeks, and things had slowly gone back to normal. You smiled more often. You informed Kaminari and Sero about your split from Bakugou, and eventually told most your friends, but not in detail.

However, Kirishima stayed by your side the most. And as you healed, you realized how much Kirishima had been there for you through all of it. And how maybe you had possibly got tied into things too fast with Bakugou.

While a part of you did love Bakugou during your time together, now you were beginning to realize how you really felt for Kirishima, a flame that had begun to burn long before you and Bakugou had been together.

But it seemed as you healed, and began to move on, finding your own happiness outside of Bakugou and the way he had treated you, Bakugou began to miss you.

Missing the way you’d kiss him, or hug him before bed. Missing the way you left his shirts smelling like you. Or the way you would always write little love notes on his study sheets.

Seeing you spend more time with Kirishima, seeing you so genuinely happy, the kind of happy you seemed to be when you used to be with him, made him mad. It made him miss you.

And sooner or later, his anger bubbled over and he snapped.

“Aye what the fuck?!” Bakugou shouted, watching as you quickly cowered away from Kirishima as Bakugou approached the two of you.

“You got a problem? We can take this outside if we need to.” Kirishima spoke up, quickly earning most of the ears of your peers.

“Yeah why the fuck you up on them like that?” Bakugou stared at you. Your face contorted in anger as you stepped forward.

“I’m sorry?” You laughed, staring at the blonde who was now your ex-boyfriend.

“You better back the fuck up.” Kirishima commented. Kaminari and Sero quickly stood to aid, positioning themselves on either side of you, positive you could handle yourself against Bakugou, but albeit cautious.

“No. Why’re you all up on them, you fucking got a thing for them? Spit it out shitty-hair.”

“No. You don’t get a fucking say in this. You fucking cheater. Ruining something so fucking special. Do you have any fucking idea how badly you hurt them? You didn’t even care to apologize. You fucking asshole. You don’t get to be upset.” Kirishima snapped. A few gasps from students. Bakugou’s face dropped at Kirishima’s words.

“I-I was just bored! All we ever did was just hang out-but I-”

“You what, Katsuki?” You approached him. You stood right in front of him and shook your head.

“I loved you. I really did, I gave my all to you, I sacrificed time and effort to make you happy because I felt like I was nothing compared to you. I have never felt like I was so below someone while being with them until I was with you. Constantly compared to you, it was fucking awful. You’re a cheating piece of shit. And I’m so sorry that you miss me now because I certainly fucking don’t miss you.” You spoke, your chest heaving as you sighed, turning and pulling Kirishima outside, along with a few others who had sided with you. 

Bakugou stood silently, feeling the eyes of everyone on him, judging him as he headed up toward his dorm.

“That was awesome!” Kaminari cheered, patting your shoulder.

“I didn’t know I had that in me.” You smiled, hugging Kirishima. Kirishima stood silently beside you.

“Hey, you okay? Forget about him, it’s over, we won, did you see the look on his face?” You nudged his side. Kirishima groaned and pulled you into him, slamming his lips on yours.

Your eyes widened as he kissed you, but you didn’t fight it. You closed your eyes and melted into the kiss, eventually drawing your arms up over his shoulders, deepening the kiss as he leaned into you more.

Kirishima pulled away and quickly glanced to Kaminari and Sero who’s mouths were formed into small ‘o’s quickly looking away as Kirishima chuckled.

“Woah.” You breathed, smiling as you stared at Kirishima.

“Sorry I have been wanting to do that for a long time.” Kirishima apologized, rubbing the back of his neck. You couldn’t help but laugh.

You leaned up and kissed him again, smiling as he kissed back, your lips moving rhythmically against one another.

Shortly after, Kirishima made sure you were ready for a relationship before asking. Recovery from your previous relationship had gone well, and once you were ready, Kirishima didn’t hesitate to ask. He would’ve waited a lifetime for you.

And Kirishima showed you love, real love. He cherished you, brought you up when you were low, and allowed you to shine, just as you did for him. Supporting him through his highs and his lows, helping him when he needed, and loving him for who he was.

You felt whole, truly happy. The kind of happy you hadn’t felt for a while. And you didn’t think about Bakugou once during it. If you interacted, you were curt, and always handled the situations quickly. You didn’t need to focus on him.

And when you beat him during a test, it only proved you had grown stronger.

Bakugou had lost this battle. 

And you were winning by a long shot, with a happy, healthy, relationship with someone who loved you, someone who truly loved you.

And that flame inside you, burning for Kirishima, only grew.

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masterlist

[cainfm]

『BILL SKARSGARD ❙ NONBINARY』 ⟿ looks like CAIN ROMANOV is here for THEIR SENIOR year as a LITERATURE student. THEY are 25 years old & known to be RIGHTEOUS, TRUE, EVASIVE & GUARDED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ JAMES. 21. EST. SHE/THEY.

hdsjnf hello all ... it is james again ... here with another ... replacing noelle with cain bt it’s fine im fine. i’ve hit muse limit u wn’t hear frm me again ... so hit tht like button .. this isnt the best intro ive done bt mostly bc im just kinda like ... taking an old one n rewriting it as i go

TW CULTS, HEROIN USE / ADDICTION, DRUG ADDICTION / USE, ABUSE, PSYCHOLOGICAL / EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, PTSD, ANXIETY, TRAUMA.

aesthetics.

dangling limbs from tree branches, yellowed book pages, opened bottles of vintage wine, oversized sweaters and deep under eyes, bleached denim, worn leather gloves, cat hair against black cloth, fields of wheat, broken windows, descending staircases, tight-lipped smiles during public appearances, golden skies, light spilling from windows, stumbling over one’s own words, wire-framed beds, linens, wool scarves, making the wrong decisions; running, from others and yourself.

basic info.

full name: cain alexei romanov

nickname(s): n/a

b.o.d. - feb 19th, pisces :) happy birthday!

label(s): the connard (previously), the escapist, the facade, the fallen, the lothario (previously), the pariah, the phoenix, the puppeteer (previously), the sybarite, etc.

height: 6′4″ ... bruv.

hometown: stratford, connecticut

sexuality: bisexual uwu?

pinterest

stats

inspired by: i feel like i did ... have an inspiration for him but i don’t ... remember ... so ur not getting this one ... i might edit this later if smth pops into my head but. alas.

biography.

born to connecticut senator vaughn romanov and well known philanthropist adelaide romanov, they were born into a life of privilege in a very prominent new england family. they’re the eldest of five in a very nuclear, picture perfect, preppy chic family.

was brought up to be a class a, outstanding, perfect citizen. golden child to the all american family (willfully ignoring the fact that his father came from russian immigrants). cain listened, obeyed, never strayed outside the lines.

it was always intended for cain to take on after their father, to follow in his footsteps and become a politician too. there were several expectations for them, including joining model un, debate, deca, splitting time between soccer, track, basketball, lacrosse, becoming class president, and all while maintaining a valedictorian - worthy gpa.

even volunteered on the weekends at homeless shelters and food banks, proving to everybody in their community just how much of a gem they were, darling, perfect member of society.

always eager as a child, eager for approval, eager to impress and wow and dazzle authorities and adults alike - cain never really had a problem with any of it? always attended church on sundays and sometimes even wednesdays. participated in family dinners and christmas photoshoots and new years eve parties, easter egg hunts and family reunions.

born and raised in stratford, super close to lovell to the point where it’d always been expected that the romanov children would simply just go to radcliffe, as did their parents. their home in stratford is a big, fancy, seven bedroom eight bath house with two fireplaces and an expansive dining room. no pool, but a sturdy treehouse made by scratch.

however. their model citizen persona was just that, a persona - a charade. in the community and to his family, cain was a hardworking citizen who upheld standards, a leader. to classmates and peers, from elementary to college - cain was the devil themself.

arrogant, harrowing, an outright bully who tore down others when they felt like it, often unprovoked. they were the senator’s son, and a rich one at that - rules never applying because they simply never existed for them, the upmost privilege because of who their family happened to be and their place in society. tattlers of their behavior faced far more consequence than cain ever did, or would.

the sort of person who’d genuinely look down at someone if they had less than them - a narcissistic dickhead who cared about two or three people, tops, outside of their family. was never physically violent, nor did they raise their voice, but that’s what made them all the worse. made them all the scarier. spewed classist bullshit with ease and was addicted to the power high it gave them.

their only redeeming quality was their protectiveness over their family - never the best person, but family is family, and they thought it ought’d to be protected.

went into political science and business to please their father, mainly, every step they made - every path cain went down, every choice from the electives they took in high school to the brand of shoes they wore, was to build them into the ideal presidential candidate.

probably joined a frat though cain never participated in parties too often, known for keeping their composure even when others resorted to violence, or got too drunk, or caused any public commotion, because they didn’t like to leave a bad image for the press. did their drugs in private but left nothing to the imagination, publicly.

but alas. during college, two very important series of events occurred.

seeking thrills, searching for fun in all the wrong places - cain became a middle-man between dealers and producers. never dealt it, and never produced it, but simply transported it between one another; the less everybody knew about each other the better. it was always a very hushed operation. one that they could’ve profited much off of, though money was never the motive for them.

and then he met earl and may meyers, fellow volunteers at a thanksgiving food drive; an older couple immediately drawn to cain, reasonable considering just who their father was, and cain to them. they can’t tell you what about the couple was so appealing - the air around them was something else entirely; some called it unhinged, others would call it comforting. but they were kind folks, down to earth - very religious, and very warmhearted. liked his name, a lot - like in the bible, they’d say, and laugh, and pat his arm. they would say, on occasion, that they reminded them of their late son.

it’d happened towards the end of their junior year, a few years after they’d gotten involved in the drug business - and the meyers were volunteering more and more, always at the same places as cain. the same times, too, as if they were learning his schedule. in retrospect - it was odd, but cain’d never suspected a thing. they kept talking, and it became a genuine friendship - a secured vote in the next election.

it only took a few months into this that they’d begun to talk about religion more. the sin of wealth, and god choosing only a select few when he cleanses the earth. only the worthiest souls. they’d eventually get into the rhythm of telling cain they were special - that they could see they’d be selected, see it in their aura, in their dreams, god sending them messages, etc. most would find it to be absolutely ... bonkers.

but it was oddly appealing to cain - like, maybe i am being constrained by capitalism. maybe i am disappointing god - aren’t i a devoted follower? it felt nearly ridiculous, but it seeped into their mind. psychological manipulation, lasting over months and cain unsuspecting. as if they could ever be the one manipulated. but the meyers could ask cain to jump, and they’d simply say - how high?

soon enough, earl and may told them that they were moving. that there’d been so many more like them and that it was time to join them, time to prepare - to get ready for the rapture. cain held off at first, finishing up their first term of their senior year and their life planned right before their eyes. everything they’d ever worked for. their loyal companions and close-knit family, their side-business that’d only gotten stronger - a long-term girlfriend and the engagement ring that burnt in their pocket, made their heart beat twice as fast at the very thought. still the same as before, cruel without a cause, but still surrounded by those who loved them - who could find something in them to love.

but a month into their senior year, cain had a sudden change of heart. they were ready, now, if not now then never later. all because of a third event. a surprise. a shock. a betrayal.

they had discovered that they were not their father’s child - not at all, not even by an inch. they were someone else’s, completely. their mother had broken down and cracked, after a particularly straining christmas party. the discussion was long, and the heartbreak only grew. the anger only grew. the hurt - it grew. more and more, with each pitiful sob their mother gave them. it was a mistake - a one night stand in a fit of petty anger in the very early stages of their marriage. and only cain knew - like they had to carry this weight, now, that they never asked to have.

it was the kind of information that broke a person. cain idolized their parents, done everything they’d ever asked - ever expected, and beyond, let them mold them like putty into whatever form they wanted. only to find out that in the end, it didn’t matter. it never mattered, if cain wasn’t the blood child of vaughn. if their mother - a woman who hadn’t a bad bone in her body, was nothing but a cheat and a liar.

cain unraveled.

they spent the first week getting into an altercation with near anybody who looked at them wrong. physical, usually - though arguments arose frequently as well. with no explanation, only thrown fists - often drunk, or high, or sober too - it never mattered. they spent a night in county jail, it’d gotten so bad. it seemed to have no end.

right until new years, just after midnight, when cain had disappeared without a word. it was treated like a missing persons case, though there was no evidence of foul play or kidnapping, and not much could be done about it.

BEGINNING OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

the only people who knew of cain’s whereabouts were the meyers - because they had left together. a last minute decision that, if they had only waited a simple minute longer, would’ve never happened. a mistake they desperately wished they could take back. a mistake that led to another event - maybe the most important one of them all.

they’d gone only hours away from stratford, and lovell, the border between new york and connecticut and not as far as cain had initially thought, but deep, deep into the woods. that was where the cult’d been. they wore white linens and cotton, but never mixed. technology banned, prayers and daily chores. it was natural, at first. for the first three months, that was.

it could’ve been grand. it was peaceful, and mind-clearing, and they treated cain as if their birth was a sign from the angels. cain come to undo his past. a potential leader. but the longer they stayed, the more apparent it became that they weren’t all that the cult had wanted, so desperately, to believe. once they began to slip up, once members became displeased - that’s when the punishments began to occur.

sometimes once a week, but sometimes - and, later, much more so, multiple. the memories are suppressed, for the most part - but there are some things they simply can’t - the hands, they can’t forget. pulling, and tugging, and gripping - begging, asking him to repent, please, repent. their head held underwater, counting seconds until their vision’d eventually darken and go out, only to be pulled out gasping and sobbing. these memories stay - these memories repeat themselves, like a record stuck on repeat, days blurring into one another.

when they tried to fight back - they were subdued. heroin was the first step. little by little, everyday - enough to leave them in a high they wouldn’t remember; enough to burn a hole in their memory. and with these dimming memories, cain’d begin to sneak paper and pencil into their living arrangement, their room, writing everyday. wrote as much as they could remember from home - about their family, their life before it all - the people they loved. they couldn’t remember what they’d written, some days.

and when those notes were found, bound by thread taken from their own clothing to form a shabby book - that’d been the final straw. dragged, kicking and screaming - mind-numbingly high, into place. the twisted reenactment, retelling of cain’s demise. how exactly he’d gotten his scar. it would’ve been near perfect, if they had only stayed still and let them brand the mark into his forehead. but instead - they settled, eventually, for the chest. then - the left cain to die in the middle of the woods. in the middle of nowhere. no trails or campsites to follow, nothing at all. nothing but trees. nothing but his notes and the clothes on their back. they hadn’t even known what day it was - almost forgotten the year, too.

cain should’ve died there, but cain got up. and they ran. and ran. and ran. until they hit something, eventually. a road. it’d been pure luck that they’d found a car near immediately afterwards, whose driver wasn’t doubling as a murderer, who took them to the hospital - and who gave cain that chance to live. they were found on new years, a full cycle - a full year in the cult that’d changed their life.

END OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. STILL MENTIONS OF TRAUMA / MENTAL HEALTH / RECOVERY / ADDICTION BEYOND THIS POINT.

after being reunited with their family in the hospital - everything went by very fast. they couldn’t recognize their youngest sibling, but they also couldn’t remember why they’d left in the first place. couldn’t remember the name of their girlfriend, but the color of her hair and the way she smelled. they couldn’t give answers to their actions.

and after being put into therapy and recovery for their addiction - that’s when they find out that their father’s a presidential candidate, that they had been - that they used cain’s disappearance as a story for the press, one to garner votes. their return is national news, and their public opinion skyrockets. it’s supposed to be glorious, and a miracle, a blessing - but cain feels restrained. confined to the role they’d always been expected to play - expected to get up and continue with their life, as if nothing had happened. 

but nothing didn’t happen - everything happened, and cain’s different now, vastly so - no longer who they thought they were. they change their major to literature, abandon politics. they get some cats, start working at the library, and they put on some leather gloves - their method of staying away, of keeping a comfortable distance. they are different, now, and simply only wish to focus on their recovery.

personality.

they’re no longer who they once were. a year of trauma does things to a person - and with memory loss that weighs heavy on their mind, they are near completely different. they remember parts of their old personality, their old lifestyle - enough to know they want to be better. they’re convinced that it’s karma, what happened to them. for being who they were - acting the way they did. just ... a bunch of self-blame.

even with the massive ego, cain’s always been a quiet person. but now - now cain’s even quieter. kinder, if not a little sarcastic, like a relic from the past. they’re distant - but it’s one of fear, restrictive and tense - not one made out of their own comfort. 

smokes medical marijuana but rarely drinks ... as if that’d make a difference. in an effort to beat their heroin addiction, they’ve turned to prescriptions instead.

like i mentioned ... cain has four cats. it’s basically their entire personality. two of them were from before their disappearance, but two are new to their little (school-approved) family. there is: frank (big chungus when yelled. white and gray), brock (orange. fluffy. stoic. devours food), shoelace (black furred, missing an eye and half an ear), and crunchwrap supreme (crunch for short. calico with bent ears). yes, they have photos of their cats in their wallet.

cain’s memory is fucked - like, really fucked. they forget a lot of things. short term, long term. it’s a constant struggle. they managed to keep their notes from the cult, so those help - but not always. they forget dates and names and faces and events. sometimes they wake up and don’t know where they are. they don’t sleep often, anyways. with the trauma came night terrors, and in an attempt to avoid them they don’t ... sleep often. only a few hours a night if they can withstand it, because it’s frankly terrible.

they suffer from severe touch aversion. skin contact with anybody, of any sort, is enough to send cain into a full-blown panic attack. they were leather gloves more often than not in an attempt to combat this disadvantage, without hindering their dexterity too much. even with clothes, they’re not the biggest fan of physical contact. it won’t send him into a panic attack, but they visibly flinch away. they’re very clear from the get-go, if someone is too close to them, that they don’t like physical contact.

dealing with ptsd and attends therapy every week. their therapist recommended that they keep writing their notes, after reviewing them himself, so cain does. they keep an entire journal where they write, and sketch a little, because it helps them cope and de-stress. it means a lot to them, actually.

also dealing with ptsd and attends therapy every week - therapist recommended he kept writing after looking at his notes - so he does, keeps an entire journal where they write and like … sketch a little, because it helps them cope. means more to them than it would seem. but, unfortunately, part of their coping involves getting far too involved in their own mini-investigation of the cult they’d been part of. when the cult was tracked back to where cain’d been brought, they were already gone - and cain wants to know where. wants to know how to find them. wants justice, vengeance. wants nobody else to get hurt from them.

pretty blunt ... won’t go out of their way to announce that hey, they were part of a cult, and that’s why they’re gone and that’s why that’s the way they are now - but they also won’t lie about it, if the topic comes up in conversation. they don’t like delusions, don’t like secrets, nor do they like unnecessary attention.

being at radcliffe makes cain anxious because - well, they’re surrounded by people they’ve been doing wrong by for years now and they can’t even remember which ones. who, what, when, why - distant memories, if they’re even there at all. is constantly trying to figure out how to redeem themselves. they’d leave, if it hadn’t been their parents’ assistance that they stay there. so that someone always has an eye on them. 

but like ...they screwed over a lot of people when they left. from plugs / customers to their ex-girlfriend, who they are, undeniably, still in love with (you can’t forget that feeling) - to their friends. like. everybody, pretty much KBJNSDFKSNLD

is often pretty high ... i’d say it’s just the medical weed but. alas :/ take a guess :/

hates cars & swimming & crowds. hates feeling trapped and will avoid it whenever possible. doesn’t want to be seen as unsociable, but it’s difficult. 

they ... have a tendency to run away when they’re overwhelmed. likes to climb trees because they’re tall enough to. there’s a tree outside of their window that they climb out to frequently, even though it’s like a ~safety hazard~ or whatever. just really likes to hide out. 

used to be in perkins when they last attended radcliffe, but they gave their spot to someone else and that was like - 100% fine w/ cain tbh. lives alone in moris now.

feels the need to redeem themself ... to like, everybody. like, they want to avoid conflict and be a better person, but it’s hard, and they don’t necessarily like confrontation either - and not everybody believes that cain’s changed. it wouldn’t be surprising if people were suspicious of cain, for whatever reason, because they don’t ... really have the best track record anymore.

developed a stutter as one of the results from their trauma. their voice is damaged from screaming and they’re self-conscious about it, but they’re working on it because there’s more important things to worry about. in general, cain looks ... gaunt, too thin, and generally sickly.

repeating senior year ... fr obvious reasons ... and probably won’t graduate anytime soon because they’ve changed their major so late.

can still hold a conversation & they’re not really afraid of socialization. it just takes a toll on them. they’re pretty lowkey, as a person. soft, sorta. quiet but they won’t be an asshole (on purpose). they like people! just. very low energy.

so like ... tldr ... not an asshole anymore ... dealing with a lot of trauma ... trying to be a good person ... yes ...

wanted connections.

locals... people they’ve grown up with their entire life. people they’ve wronged, people who idolized him, envied him, despised him, etc. 

enemies... would love for a bunch of these just. a hoard of people who fucking hate cain. because it fits the bill. they could’ve bullied them, or wronged them, whatever. anything works. let’s make it happen.

exes... that they’ve dumped... old hookups, ex-friends, people they got into an argument with or fought before they disappeared last year...

ex girlfriend... that connection wld b rly neat!! i have it up as a wc rn but we can take that down ... will be holding intense american idol - esque auditions. remember that cain ws a fckn classist pig and probably only dated people who were also rich with influential families. (unless u present a very good case to me ... then maybe ... perhaps ...)

family friends... family rivals... people he knows mostly thru their family.

redeemable... people they’re trying to redeem themself to... trying to prove their worth, and that they’re a better person now, etc. etc.

old clients... :) angry clients. that they left in the dust.

perkins... people he knew from perkins ... old pals or maybe enemies idk he was pretty insufferable ... people he used to go to fancy parties with sometimes ...

angery... people so so so so fucking pissed at cain, for whatever reason.

reconciliation... reconnecting... used to be friends and we can be friends again :) and i will be better this time! i’m a slut for slowburns, especially slowburn friendships ... enemies to friends ... now THAT is sexy.

victims... of bullying ... :/ of their bullying specifically.

sof...t... wholesome content ... nothing but soft, understanding friendships ... or developing friendships ... make them feel welcomed again... forgive them...

an..g.st... friends to enemies. enemies to bigger enemies. miscommunication. betrayal. whatever u want.

no hookups!!! ... please only previous encounters. nothing in the present. because it just wldn’t make sense.

unless... eyes emoji. H DSJLFJKS just kidding! i’d accept MAYBE some kind of sexual tension but like ... the sort that hurts, because it just Cannot Happen (i will not let it happen). or maybe a fun, casual sexting thing but like. nothing physical. pleasthe.

fuck politics!... mayhaps, they hate mr. romanov and his politics or smth. he’s probably corrupt in some way, so! go at it!

aggression... i feel like a lot of the conversations between cain n other ppl start out rly ... angry bc theyre Mad. at them.

ok it’s bed time please plot with me.