#specifically be good and forever but so many others could apply too

[roseeblue]

iwtv fandom I would like to humbly recommend you listen to pom pom squad some of these songs are so iwtv character or ship coded its insane. also because pom pom squad is just so good sapphic rock with horror elements live laugh love mia berrin <3

[dailydemonspotlight]

Three of the newest demons came from African folklores but those three aren’t who I want requested, but an older and neglected one, Holawaka, could you do this one?

Holawaka - Day 39 (Request)

Race: Flight

Alignment: Neutral-Law

May 15th, 2024

African mythologies are painfully underrepresented in the SMT series, as they are in many other circles despite how fascinating they can be. I'm unsure as to if this has anything to do with just how relatively obscure they are compared to the most popular of their group, ancient Egyptian, or unconscious racism, but regardless they're never really given the spotlight like so many other mythologies are. In spite of this, though, the few bits of representation the other African mythologies get throughout the series paint wonderful and enticing pictures to inspire further research, and one of the most standout and interesting demons in this light is the messenger bird of the Oromo people, Holawaka.

The stories of the Oromo people of Ethiopia and Kenya are incredibly varied and also incredibly fragmented, as they were, at first, a nomadic group. Later on, they would go on to conquer the Gibe regions and create sprawling kingdoms, but a good amount of their mythology originates from their nomadic origins, leading to a wild goose chase to even find several of their stories. What we're focused on now, though, is not a history lesson about the Oromo- no, we're zooming in on one specific myth with a lot of influence. The myth of Holawaka. This tale starts simply with a description of a simple bird, but soon expands into a study on human mortality, snakes, and some other stuff too.

Holawaka was once a simple bird given a divine rite as a messenger for the gods- they gave it a message to deliver, one giving humanity the potential of immortality, through the shedding of skins to achieve rejuvenation. Taking this information to the Oromo people, Holawaka was dedicated to its cause in spite of its growing hunger... until it came across a snake devouring a carcass. Swooping down, Holawaka began to wish to partake in that snack, and eventually asked the snake to have a piece, who decided to do a bit of trolling and proposed a trade to the clueless, hungry bird. It had to tell it about what it was carrying. Seeing no real issue with this trade in return for some much needed food, it offered the idea given about humanity, that they could achieve eternal life through shedding their skin... inadvertently giving the snake that same idea and letting him effectively retcon it into only applying to snakes.

As punishment for this and for dooming humanity to a forever mortal existence, the gods were furious and decided to take drastic action against Holawaka, cursing it to an eternal life of torment by inflicting a terrible disease upon it. It's not really described what this disease was, though, but it apparently caused the poor bird to cry out in pain for all eternity, so it was probably a bit drastic. This is, unfortunately, where the tale of Holawaka ends, left as a diseased and dying bird, but his legacy still continues on in the form of slight influencing throughout history and other mythologies.

As unfortunate as this story is, it helps give us a greater insight both into the mythology and lives of the Oromo people as well as into YET! ANOTHER! MYTHOLOGY BIRD!!! Now, how is it portrayed in the series? Interestingly. Holawaka has no real portrayals or depictions in physical appearance- the closest we truly have is simply depictions of a rainbow-feathered bird, but given the relative obscurity of this myth (and Ethiopian mythology as a whole) it's hard to find much to go off of regarding this bird. Hilariously, this leads to most retellings of this story actually referencing the SMT art of the bird, taking it as a typical artistic depiction of it instead of being an SMT demon. I think that goes to show just how fantastic the design is, though- while a bit on the more orientalist side, I find the uniqueness of the design more than enough to make up for that, especially given how early in the series it first appeared. Besides, it's also nice to see an SMT character who has realistically black features that don't fall into caricature. Of course, as a white girl myself, I can't really comment much on its depiction, but needless to say I enjoy the design quite a bit and wish it'd return in one form or another.

Overall, the recent revelations of SMT V:engeance having African demons again has let me reminisce on one of the earlier depictions of African mythology in the series that doesn't just originate from the ancient Egyptians. Like, come on, there are other African mythologies to pull from! Have a little creativity! Where's my Anansi demon?! I know he originates from Akan folktales, but dammit, lemme see my spider boy! Joking aside, this demon is incredibly unique and I love how they're leaning right back into African myth for Vengeance.

[cemetery-irises]

Okay so:

Emil: towards others it's Words of affirmation and Gift giving (he likes making small things for people! And he's generally pretty open about his feelings (which is usually love towards people)). For himself it's definitely physical touch. (He feels safe and loved when he's held and he's also definitely touchstarved too.)

Andrew: Towards others it's minorly quality time (although it usually has to be initiated by someone else, he loves spending time with people!!) and MAJORLY acts of service. (His whole servant-like demeanour thing really shines through here. If there's something you even hint you want done and it's clear you're not against him doing it, he's running to do it as soon as it's mentioned.) Towards himself it's also likely acts of service as well as words of affirmation. (He'd adore you forever if you did something for him, and he really likes praise even if he doesn't quite show it because he likes knowing he's doing a good job!)

Luca: Towards others it's Gifts and touch. (He loves making, why not make for others! And he's generally pretty touchy in general. It's just kind of a habit of his, but he does feel more confident in his hands than his brain.) For himself it's definitely acts of service. (He's not the best at you know... The whole living outside of prison thing. It's really sweet to him if you choose to check up on him and help him with certain things!) Also situationally words of affirmation can be great for him. (He dislikes/brushes off praise a lot because it just reminds him of what he could have been, but words of love towards him, not his invention skills, can move him to tears I think. It's nice to feel loved again after so long.)

Norton: Towards others it's quality time and gifts. (He's always got a listening ear if you need it and he'll try to help as best as he can. He's also not very good at actually showing love, so gifts are a pretty good way to get the message across in his experience.) Directed at himself he... doesn't really have much of a preference, honestly, but gifts are always neat. He likes Stuff.

Frederick: towards others are Gifts for the same reason as Norton, and acts of service. (He's never really had someone to do things for him, and while he doesn't really want that now, he understands that it can be a huge help to people. Especially if you're struggling, like most of his friends are.) Towards himself quality time and touch are probably the best. (They feel the least transactional. While he'd be a bit confused as to what the hell you were doing if you started giving him affection, he wouldn't really mind. And being with him for him is really important because he feels like less of a Kreiburg and more... just Frederick. For that reason he very much dislikes words of affirmation except for specific contexts.)

Orpheus: for others it's Words of affirmation and Gift giving. (Oh you bet this man has words for you, even if they may sometimes only be written ones. It goes hand in hand with the gifts, honestly. He sends so many letters that Victor once started checking in with him to ask if he had letters to send, much to his embarrassment.). For himself he likes touch. (He hasn't really been able to do that with people before. So it fascinates him. He likes seeing people as ideas and stories, even if he unintentionally forgets they're their own humans with thoughts and feelings sometimes.)

Victor: For others it's habitually acts of service. (He hasn't really had relationships with people other than The Mailman or having a gun pointed at his head by the mob. Doing things for people is kind of the only thing he knows how to do. For the same reason gifts could also apply.) For himself he loves gifts back!! Especially if they're enclosed within letters! (Just maybe don't mail things to him in suspicious packaging. He's been traumatised before by packages that turned out to contain... Bad things.) (He also notably dislikes quality time if he's alone with someone. If it's a group and the focus is spread throughout that's fine.)

i did not get a moment to see this until now (science lecture :() but THIS!!! core character concepts. i will consume them. (guarenteed masterlist post)

[villainessprefect]

~Tell It to My Heart~

{100 follower & Valentine Event} - Closed & Completed

In honor of this milestone and the upcoming holiday, I would like to present this new event! Your local stargazer is now a...heartgazer?! I guess all you have to do is tell me who captured your heart and I’ll bring you together. Pretty neat, right?

Anyway- I’d like to thank everyone for following and interacting with my work! This is my first time running a fandom specific blog and I adore seeing so many interactions. I hardly write for ‘popular’ series to so all this support? Amazing. Thank you, truly!

Now, onto the main event! All you have to do is...❤️ confess ❤️!

>You choose from the list below, picking either Dialogue OR Prompt, not both. Those chosen will be crossed out from the list so there will be no repeats.

>Dialogue & Prompts can be tweaked slightly. If you want to add some additional details or a setting, feel free to do so. And please specify who is confessing or else I will choose.

>Same rules apply as per a normal request.

>It is a time limited event with limited slots!! Only available until February 14th!

>Fics will be posted in a collection on AO3 rather than their own!

>An example of a request would be: “Dialogue #4 with (character), female reader confesses to them and said underneath the stars.” or “Prompt 10 with (character) and the friend is (another character). The reader admits to it and this is in between classes/lunch so they end up skipping classes to deal with the confession?”

{Request Counter 19/22}

1-11 dialogue

“You mean a lot to me and I didn’t want to sit there and watch you get hurt.”

“You’re such an ass. I don’t understand why I even like you.”

“I know it’s sudden, but seeing you with them made me realize how much I want you.”

“I have this weird feeling when I’m with you. I...can’t explain it, but I know it’s a good feeling.”

“I love you, you idiot!”

“I am only going to say this once, so you better listen...I love you.”

“I want to see you happy.”

“I’ll be damned if I let someone else touch you like that again.”

“I feel like I could love you forever, and that scares the shit out of me.”

"I know you aren't perfect. But it's a person's imperfections that make them perfect for someone else."

"My heart made its choice, and it chose you."

1-11 prompt

Being too afraid to confess during the school year, so you wait until graduation.

Ending a phone call with an accidental “love you”.

Telling them “I love you” while they’re asleep.

Confessing at the same place where they first met.

Being confronted after avoiding them for the past few weeks and you have to tell them that you don’t hate them nor are you angry. You just don’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re in love with them.

At the end of a fake date the truth comes out.

Eating together, wiping food off their lips, making eye contact, and getting closer and closer.

Dancing together while one person falls, the other lands on top of them and the fallen one laughs. The other confesses.

Traditional Valentines Day confession. Giving them chocolates and a kiss if you’re brave enough.

Confessing to a friend that you’re in love with them and they overhear it.

Scolding them for doing something stupid and unintentionally saying, “why did I have to fall for you”.

[dextixer]

On Conventions, and why it is good that Roosterteeth is getting rid of RTX.

So, many people have probably already noticed and have been made aware that RTX is not happening this year. I have seen many reactions to these news, anger, joy, satisfaction, dismay etc. What i have also seen is people asking some good questions and making some bad conclussions too, like for example the person talking about how RTX made RT money and the like, so i wanted to put my two cents in.

Do be aware that im not an expert, nor an event organizer myself, the information i will share here has been gathered mostly from the comments and statements made by organizers and those who have participated in these events.

Conventions arent profitable

First things first, everyone should keep this in their minds moving forward. CONVENTIONS ARE NOT PROFITABLE. There are exceptions of course, but at large, most conventions operate at a loss, especially those that occur in the United States.

It all comes down to cost versus earnings ratio, which more often than not, does not fall to the side of earnings. To make a convention, one has to organize a venue, staff, events, security, decorations, catering and many such associated details. Venues alone cost a LOT of money, this is not like me, a random Eastern European dude renting out a specially prepared cottage for a party with friends, Venues are specifically made and built for conventions, they are extremelly sought after and they KNOW it, as such their costs are often jacked up to high heavens, especially since things like location matter to them extremelly. The problem is even worse in the United States where many venues jack up the prices to, quite frankly, criminal ammounts.

Earnings for such events are also, not amazing. Lets remember, most of these conventions are fan-events. So if a convention isnt sponsored by a corporation, most of its earnings will be things like ticket sales, people renting out space for vendors etc, sometimes signatures and even auctions.

As such, most "profitable" conventions are the low-key ones. The ones that are small-scale, that can get cheaper venues, and thus save on the costs while being able to profit.

Big companies can afford to make big conventions at a loss because to them, its partially a flex and partially an advertisement for the company. Think of things like Blizzcon.

RT however is in a shit position of NOT being a big enough company to spend money willy nilly, but also, their conventions are not small enough, to turn in a profit either.

Cutting Fat is good

RT is not in a good state. Those critical of the show and the company in general have known that for a long time now, despite the crying and bleating of some of the biggest of fanatics that "RT IS DOING GREAT GUYS!" and other such nonsense. We know RT is in a shit state, they know that they are in a shit state, everyone with open eyes knows they are in a shit state.

As such, cutting costs is actually good.

For a long time RT has acted as a "big" company due to the success of RWBY. When RWBY blew up, so did RT, they expanded into other animated projects, started high-profile conventions, started hiring TOP class VA's etc. The thing is, the golden years dont always last.

Many a Youtuber has said as much over the years, many of them have shared that they know that they wont be popular forever, and those smart among them build up nest-eggs from the money they earn on Youtube and streaming in general.

If a youtuber refuses to accept that they are becoming less popular, well, their ending can be less than pretty. The same applies to companies like RT. After RWBY became less popular, RT did not have the golden goose anymore. They could not afford to make stupid financial decisions anymore.

So now, they are trimming the fat.

Which is good.

Possible brighter future

Hope for the best, but expect the worst, that is my current opinion on this. Trimming the fat and tightening up that belt might result in RT being able to squeeze out some smaller profile shows and earn enough money to possibly come back to RWBY, or at least make a movie to end it.

It might help the company, and as far as im aware, this is the right step to take. At the same time, this can also just... Not be enough.

[minquiec]

songs that I've convinced myself are abt jipunk

Cause I'm utterly mental and I need more content abt them for myself so like I'm gonna list out all the songs I have abt them with specific lyrics that especially tickle that certain part of my brain heehehhaahahahhh

Some remind me more than others so I'm gonna put a 🍊 next to it

might update this as I go yauayyayayy

seasons - wave to earth 🍊

this is THE song for them

- 'If I could be by your side, I'll give you all my life, my seasons'

- 'I can't be your love, because I'm afraid I'll ruin your life'

i wanna be yours - artic monkeys 🍊

tbh this is just my fav song of all time

- 'secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide then I thought'

london boy - taylor swift 🍊

c'mon yalls self explanatory KAKAK

- 'you know I love a london boy, I enjoy walking camden market in the afternoon'

yellow - coldplay 🍊

I caNNOT believe I forgot about this song until like recently and I heard it and I was like 🤯

- 'I came along, I wrote a song for you and all the things you do'

- 'and you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry'

- 'cause you were all yellow'

[remember how I said in my other post how if jia was a colour she'd be yellow yEAAH THE STARS R ALIGNING]

mine - taylor swift 🍊

there's. quite a lot of taylor swift in my playlist HAHS this leans more to modern au but it can still apply generally

- 'do you remember we were sitting there by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time'

- 'you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, you are the best thing that's ever been mine' [HEAVY ON THIS LYRIC]

sparks fly - taylor swift

yes taylor again

- 'you're the kinda reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know that I won't get far'

paper rings - taylor swift

yes YES TAYLOR THE THIRD ONE IN A ROW THE THIRD WEEK IN A ROWW

- 'I hate accidents, except for when we went from friends to this'

I miss you - soyou 🍊

THIS SONG cause it reminds me more of the in every lifetime thing they have going on

[transl lyrics from good old google search]

- 'did you go round and round to come to me? this love is unavoidable'

- 'even if I'm born many times, wherever you hide, I'll find you'

- 'let's never separate again, beside me, don't go away'

daisy - wave to earth

- 'my daisy, it's my happiness to run into you'

can you see my heart - heize

there's not rlly a specific lyric this song just makes me sad HAHSHA

pasilyo - sunkissed lola

ik this is more of a wedding song and they wouldn't rlly get yk MARRIED but STILL I LOVE THIS SONG SO SHH

kisame - rhodessa

very jia pov based

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'but why are you so far away? can I be yours?'

lover - YES TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN LEAVE ME BEEE 🍊

- 'have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?'

- 'can I go where you go? Can we always be this close, forever and ever'

binibini - zack tabudlo

also habang buhay I love that song too

boyfriend - ariana grande

THIS MOSTLY APPLIES TO HIGHSCHOOL AU BUT IG IT WORKS FOR ATSV TOO?

- 'you ain't my boyfriend, I ain't your girlfriend but you don't want me to see nobody else, I don't want you to see nobody else'

- 'damn, baby, I'm a train wreck too, I lose my mind when it comes to you, I don't want a smile if it ain't from you'

- 'cause I know we be so complicated, loving you sometimes drives me crazy'

in your time - lee suhyun 🍊

I LOVE this song it's so sad and angsty but anyways this song is mostly for like,, the sadder aus like jade coin or grim swallow

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'after meeting you once again, I'm find the pieces of you that have been erased'

- 'I'm holding onto you, I'm still living in your time'

- 'I'm afraid you're still waiting for me'

here I am - jo hyun ah

same gist as in your time, sad songs -> sadder aus

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'I'm lost looking for you'

- 'here I am, always in the same place'

- 'still I am, waiting for you'

katawaredoki - radwimps

LITERALLY AN INSTRUMENTAL ANYWAYS

summertime sadness - lana del ray 🍊

this song literally makes me so sad for no reason but this is mostly abt uhh jade coin au

- 'kiss me hard before you go'

- 'I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight'

- 'think I'll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky'

stay with me - chanyeol, punch 🍊

SO obsessed w this song

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'my heart’s beating it goes, when I look at you so close, I’m finding it hard to breathe, even when you’re not around'

- 'my heart was heading towards you'

- 'feels like I’ve loved you from a long time ago'

- 'the other half of my being'

daylight - david kushner

for grim reaper and swallow au *throws up blood and tears*

- 'oh I love it and I hate it at the same time, hiding our sins from the daylight'

paruparo - sugarcane 🍊

THIIIS SONNNGGG props to oomf for introducing and translating LITERALLY THE WHOLE SONG I literally can't get this song out of my head rn

[transl lyrics from aech1gwen on tiktok]

- 'you are my past, present and future'

[I'd copy and paste the entire lyrics if I could but for technical reasons I'll just put this one cause AAYGEGGGAGGQ 💔💔💔]

kumpas - moira dela torre 🍊🍊🍊

I haven't even known this song for half a day and im already gonna cry over it recommended by the same person who transl'd paruparo for me :))) godsend fr (I'm literally about to cry)

[transl lyrics from aech1gwen sent thru DMS ueue)

- 'I didn't think you would arrive suddenly without warning'

- 'you are my compass when I'm lost'

- 'even if you aren't aware you have saved me many times now'

[HEAVY ON THIS ONE AUGEHGEH]

- 'in an instant, I had changed. I can't bear to be away from you'

- 'you are my first and last'

[IM LITERALLY GOIGN TO CRY AUDINFHCHEB ID POST THE WHOLE SONG IF I COULD BUT YK]

timeless - taylor swift 🍊

this song is so good

- 'The kind of love you only find once in a lifetime'

- 'and somehow I know you and I would've found each other'

- 'in another life you still would've turned my head'

- 'so even in a different life, you still would've been mine'

- 'story of a romance torn apart by fate'

- 'hundreds of years ago, they fell in love like we did'

- 'and I'd die for you in the same way'

桃花诺 - G.E.M

non eng love songs are so 😢💔😨🤧🙏😭❓❓🕯️💥🚶🏌️💥🥲

cupid's chokehold/breakfast in america - gym class heroes

THIS SONG IS CUTE IDK the song just loves the gf sm and it's so ☹️☹️💔

- I mean she even cooks me pancakes and alka seltzers when my tummy aches' THIS LYRIC IS SO CJTE TO ME IDK WHY

- we even got a secret handshake and she loves the music that my band makes'

- 'if I had to choose her or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun'

- 'i can tell by the way she says my name'

- 'but I know as soon as I get home, and I take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor, she'll be back in my arms for sure'

[THE WHOLE SONG TBH ITS SO AJSJJS ☹️☹️☹️]

the night we met - lord huron

Holy shit this song hurts me

- 'i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you'

- 'i don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you'

stars burn out - cykim

Pls go listen to this

OKAY I think that's all for now unless I missed some which I probably have cause of my big age 🏌️

[pinks-wizards]

I'm thinking about my YW Roslyn and specifically about how she's a myth wizard. I imagine myth students are heavily encouraged to befriend their minions by Cyrus (or at least build a positive business relationship) and while Roslyn doesn't get those classes (busy saving the spiral) she naturally wants to know and befriend them. She's borrowing their power so it's only polite and when she spends so much time travelling and alone she wants someone to talk to.

Roslyn knows her minions well. She knows their names if they have ones, and named the ones who wanted them. She calls on them to help her often outside of battle. She's a 4'0" forever 11-year-old body she's going to need help reaching stuff and has a habit of calling them to sit on shoulders so she isn't always looking up. And importantly, when things go badly, she trusts them to keep people away from the fight. To protect people where they can. She might only have one in the dueling circle with her but she has many. The wooden minion is her go to when she needs a voice to yell in her place.

And like everything related to the YW, this can get sad. Because myth minions are less usable as time goes on. I basically never use them now in game. And I think Roslyn in lore doesn't include them in battles. She's grown protective of them. They trusted her, so she wants to prove they can. Their biggest notice of this is likely Azteca. Roslyn goes on a mad run across the entire world to guide everyone to the spiral door she's opened to wizard city. And she does it alone. She doesn't dare summon them both because her brain is racing and she's already exhausted from a fight but also because she doesn't want them to experience it. The death, the blood. The glass shattered around her. And because if they go hit, they are too weak to take it. Despite needing the help she does it alone.

I imagine that hurts them. But they can't fault her either. They, like everyone close to Roslyn, just have to watch as she tears herself apart for failure. As she constantly pushes and pushes herself to the limit doing it all alone. She is still as nice to them as ever when she does see them. The breaks. She's always asking about them. Never letting them help her the same as they once did during the journey to Maliaster.

While I don't use shadow spells in game I imagine Roslyn does. She gets to know the shadows she calls. More hesitant, they are more likely to call her out on everything she represses, but still caring. Shadow Sentinel is her favourite, and is the one given the most chances to help Roslyn when she needs it. She calls them for others, to protect them, and after the fighting is done they take care of her. The backlash will only apply during duels, because carrying her (or dragging) her to the nearest healer isn't demanding work. I think myth wizards can befriend shadow casts more easily, if purely because befriending those they call the power of is part of what makes a good myth wizard.

Her minions are family and close friends. Be they myth or pure shadow. And they care for her too. So I imagine it hurts as even they can't keep up with her. As she grows stronger and faces stronger enemies she can't rely on them anymore. So they watch out for her in other ways. Warning (or threatening) those who could harm her. Seeking out those who can help her. They aren't always with her but they know her full story because her magic betrays it all.

[sugar-omi]

at this point i think we should all collect our powers and create perfect playlists for our boys lol- i see so many people being like "look, this song suits this and that situation with this character" and then i listen to it and i'm like OHH!

YES I AGREE !!!!

listen... i have these 2 cove playlist i run to (1 of em specifically) and i found this artist bc of the literally only baxter playlist i can find on youtube n pls...... so good

in fact imma share em rn

my go to playlist, also is anyone over that fireflies song like.... i kinda grew up hearing it everywhere but i srsly skip it i cant.... ANYWAY THIS PLAYLIST ABSOLUTELY CLAPS - 'oh shit, are we in love?' from astroboy the first song is TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT!!!! this is my cleaning n cove-freak-out playlist - 'childhood friends to lovers GOD version' from lunneii the song 'night shift' is the one im talking abt above but this whole playlist fucks n i lost my shit the first time i played it - 'i'll never see you again, if i can help it' from cove holden's #1 fan

ETA: I JUST RMBRED!!! okay i used to stream all her songs but jessie reyez 'apply juice' is a baxter song!!!!!

also i saw someone on tumblr, i think it was an anon, but they said jann 'smile' and i freak out to it in the shower every time. it makes me think of 'our secret alliance' on webtoon.

i wish there was some way/where we could all like... compile songs that make us think of the boys n just add it to a massive fuckin playlist wouldnt that be so cool

like itd be way too chaotic but itd be cool

also we're gonna need some like au playlist/freaky playlist categories bc i can think of a couple 50 cent/pussy cat doll songs that make me think of cove n specifically an au where you flirt w each other for like basically forever (jus like ive talked abt in a couple other posts)

which suddenly reminds me i had a part 2 i need to write for the college au. ykw can we just call this my flirting au bc its not Specifically for college, its just what i spiraled on n then got yall addicted to LOL

i imagine flirting w cove for forever during step 3 and in between but that summer is when it like gets Hot and jus like gathers until like.. omg you're leaving for college n..... oh lord i gotta go write this down FUCK i was tryna empty my drafts n inbox but so many good ideas are coming to me!!!!

also this is a ramble omg i rlly spiraled???? LMAO OKAY IM DONE

[dogcodedcatboy]

🦅, 🗣️, and 🐕 !! also au where aaron works at w.aystar sounds soo so fun omg

WEEEEEEEEEEEEE

🦅How good are their friends at being wingmen? Do they even help at all or just sit back watching the pining with a bag of popcorn?

AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT AARONS FRIENDS OH BOY...

(aaron is one of like... 10 fully fleshed out ocs i have that all make up a wretched wretched friendgroup of late 20's gays and i love all of them dearly. i could literally talk abt them forever theres SOO MUCH!!! if anyone ever wants to get an earful frm me feel free to inquire bc holy hell like 10 years of oc content n my mind...)

ANYWAY... his friends are sick of his shit anyway so when he's like 'ooh new man :3c' theyre already like. shut the hell up brother. but when they meet roman...they can't help but be a /little/ charmed. they wont wingman for aaron bc his lovelife is so radioactive they dont wanna get near that shit. but tbh they do think roman is funny and he fits in with all of their senses of humor and stuff. even aarons childhood bestie (who hates everyone hes ever dated) likes roman so he gets a Good Grade in getting along w aarons housemates. so much to say on this but i'll leave it at that.

this doesn't...apply to poor roro so much bc he's like...deeply lonely...certainly no friends who he would come out to, or introduce his bf to. :(

🗣️ Who’s the one that will ramble on about their highly specific interest while the other just sits back and nods along?

i think that they both do this to some degree. aaron is the bigger culprit bc he has a lot of interests roman wouldnt know very much about (specific genres of music, culinary arts, specific horror movies), but they pretty equally yap at eachother! they both have SO MANY OPINIONS on filmbro shit...also roman is actually pretty knowledgeable on art so they can both bounce off eachother about that too! when roman talks abt work aarons eyes do tend to glaze over.

🐕: Do they have any pets together? If one of them had a pet from before their relationship how well does the pet get along with their partner? Do they have the pets approval or does said pet sit in between them and their partner any time they try to make a move?

aaron has a silly lil cat named gustav!!!! thats his baby (adopted the cat after a bad breakup and pair bonded to him Instantly) and he would take a bullet for him. roman never had animals growing up and at first was a little iffy on gustav but eventually he falls completely in love with him. before hes able to have any public pics of aaron he makes a picture of gustav his lock screen on his phone....

gus is iffy on rome at first but after about a month or so of bribery via treats he's chill...he still gets a little jealous and tries to sit between them on the couch and in bed. he also yowls like a bastard outside the door whenever hes locked out.

[alyjojo]

Advice to Work on Yourself 🏊🏼‍♀️ in August 2023: Pisces

3 Cups - 3 Wands rev - The World

Regarding: 5 Wands

This is a very deep message, and the preshuffle wasn’t all that intense, so I’m…kinda surprised. Ace of Cups kept making an appearance, but here it’s only the charm on Temperance. You’re needing to focus on the new things in your life, separating yourself from the things that lead you back towards “bad habits” of the past. These may be friends, lovers, family members, I’m getting in-laws too for somebody. There are many references to alcohol in this reading, I’m seeing it everywhere, and while it may not be that specifically, there is something you’re trying really hard to work on getting away from, while still trying to keep the relationships you had while in a whole other toxic state of mind.

Spirit is saying these relationships need to go too. That is not easy 🙏 And maybe not forever, I don’t know, it depends on you, them, and the specifics I can’t give you. You could have fundamentally different beliefs, behaviors, desires, goals, working towards different dreams with different deeply-set morals, habits, and directions. You’re conflicted over this, because you care for these…people, feels like more than one even, for some. You want to have what you had, but “clean” or differently…and I’m seeing that not being possible. It makes you very sad to have to let people go, it’s not what you want to do but it doesn’t seem like you have much else choice. You don’t belong to this…group? anymore. Because you can’t, you can try, and still can’t.

That’s the most dramatic version of this. For some there are some generational trauma, traditions, toxicity handed down from person to person, or possibly you’ve all worked at the same business for generations. Something like that could also apply here, you find it to be toxic to you and won’t be continuing in any generational passer down stuff. You don’t want to. Or the opposite, these things mean a lot to you and not the people you’re around. Either way, it’s a big deal to you and it’s separating you from others. The advice is TO break the chain, separate yourself, and speak your truth about it. Knight of Swords is the “speaking” and he’s kinda ruthless and cutthroat with how he verbalizes his words & arguments, that may be necessary in your situation for him to come out.

If you’re waiting to change people’s minds, you’re waiting for nothing. Only their own experience & spiritual paths can help them with that, say your piece and end this cycle for good - The World. Connect Through Conversation is a note to talk to other people about what you’re going through relating to this issue, there are thousands of groups dedicated to just about everything, you can find others who are in this same spot too 💯

Animal Oracle: Ladybug 🐞

“This is a time of good fortune and abundance, so be willing to receive all good things in your life.”

This is an auspicious time for you, one that is extraordinarily powerful. You’ll find that everything goes very smoothly with little effort on your part. Your thoughts will be manifesting much more quickly, so be observant and careful about what you’re thinking. If you lapse into thinking about what you lack or what’s missing, remind yourself of all the things you do have for which you’re grateful. Gratitude is the key to continually receiving good fortune, joy, and abundance. Be willing to ask for and graciously receive all that comes your way. If you ask for something and then negate it with insurmountable disbelief, it’ll be like you never asked. Control any habitual negative thought patterns. Ask...and then be open to receive.

Artist Oracle: JEAN-MICHEL BASQUIAT

- In lieu of a canvas, find a wall.

- Try collaborating with Andy Warhol.

- Good work can come from bad habits.

Advice:

- Create a Career Vision

- Connect Through Conversation

Charms:

Red Flag 🚩 on Jean-Michel could be regarding so many different things, something addictive or toxic, whatever has you feeling nope. “Good work can come from bad things” feels like someone trying to convince you to change your mind - also a nope, your mind & decisions are not up for debate, and that’s something you need to hear & enforce with people.

Fragmented Heart ♥️ on 5 Wands show you do care very deeply about this person/people, love is what has made this so complicated. There are loyalties, expectations, desires, genuine emotion and memories attached to the very same things you need to release, and it has you deeply conflicted. You can love people that are not right for you. Many of us do, at least once.

Ace of Cups 💧 on Temperance is an example of drinking again, there are many here, but your charm is a little glass of water, and that’s the path you’re on now. Regardless if alcohol is even involved, it’s the easiest example for most to visually see & understand. You are clean, and intend to continue down a better path for yourself, you can’t let others drag you down. And people can only meet you from their level, perception, or understanding.

Spider & Web 🕸️ on The World is kinda like the fragmented heart, it’s a web of several tiny intricacies that form together to create the whole picture, and it’s the whole picture that needs to change. Or already has, for you. It’s nostalgic. You can’t keep some things and discard others, the whole web of destruction has to end for good in order for you to have the new start - Ace of Cups - that you deserve and have worked hard for.

Tree of Life 🌲 on The Devil rev are the things that keep you stuck, the things you have to speak on with either outside people or those involved. King of Wands could be someone in particular willing to hear your feelings on this matter, or this is just you stepping up to the plate to make a solid decision for yourself. Being a leader, for yourself. At the end of the day, you live with yourself and your decisions, and what other people think or feel about those decisions…you can empathize and care, and they’re still not your problem 💯

[simply-sithel]

I’m not against it at all, but I’ve been mystified by the way in which you consume/like tumblr posts for months now. I’m dying to know more about how you browse tumblr.

😅 Given when this came in, I've a suspicion of who it may be... Appreciate the ask tho and have been mulling it over for a while.

The TLDR; I follow very few people directly but will visit particular blogs when I'm in the mood for something or curious about someone (often resulting in Like spamming)

For an overly verbose response, proceed beyond the cut--

I'm very bad at moderation-- my brief flirtations with drinking were sprints to full on drunk. I indulge to the point of disaster on things, a fact I've come to terms with. My moderation needs to be applied a level above immediate impulse control. Which is a long way of saying I keep my Dashboard sparse.

I check Tumblr far too often- muscle memory habit- but I don't actually want to be on Tumblr that much. It can be an infinite dopamine click hole and so I keep my "I accidentally tabbed back to the site" impact low. A Dashboard with the same content as the last time I looked is easier to detach from. The cost being I have few "mutuals" and directly follow mostly infrequently updating art blogs.

BUT! I really do like Tumblr and the different "vibes" I can wallow in visiting particular blogs. The image heavy nature of the site allows me to escape the confines of language and "paints" more abstract pictures of people and spaces.

Frequently when someone follows me (especially my alt account) I will peek at that blog. A shadowy mirror of pondering self by inspecting that which it attracts? Also broadening my own horizons, marveling at the many things that can catch someone's attention. Some of these folks have particular... themes or overarching feelings (to my eye) that are intriguing to me.

I'm not looking for my own self or sameness so there's usually a constant curiosity and ??? on my part when I paw through the blog of strangers. And, like bears in national parks, if I find some place filled with treats, I'm bound to return. And if I return more than... three times? and have found content that is cohesive and interesting, then I'm likely to return again. There's a small list of usernames I'm familiar with (and that I can look up via scrolling through my alt's follower list) that match this criteria. So when I'm in the mood to indulge, I'll flit on over for a good time. But I try to keep such indulgences in check. A couple times a month?

The intake of "interesting" content in large batches is also more fun, I find, than the slow trickle of Dashboard updates. Lets you hold/build a more coherent image of an individual in the mind's eye...

And speaking of the mind's eyeing of Tumblr users... was cleaning up craft room the other day and came across the three remaining Tumblr Saint Sketches I did back at the beginning of the pandemic, the sight of which warmed my heart.

There were others, but they've since been sent away to the individuals they were modeled off of. These are three examples though of what... I think of when I think of particular Tumblr accounts?

I'm forever regretting that I failed to sketch one final one of @/festering-queen despite several attempts. And since it's been over two years since then, I feel like I could almost add... 3-4 more folks? (in visual embodiment- I've run out of Tumblr components to pair with them)

It feels scandalous to share the specifics but since I'm on the subject, from Left to Right:

@/notbecauseofvictories - does not follow me but I've been following her and am charmed by her views on life. One of the few blogs whose monologues/text takes on things I enjoy reading. Some elements I attempted to capture-- food, justice, temptation/fascination with the Dark/Other (religion?), and Chicago

@/bzedan - follows my main and I've been following her for over 15 years, going back to ye' old LJ days. One of my favorite artists though I remain fascinated/horrified by her taste in many things (Garfield, Miami Vice, fashion choices, muppets). A multi disciplinary crafting fiend, I admire her diversity of work and drive.

@/stairway2mars - one of those accounts I intermittently stalk. Very visual with a strange blend of savageness and beauty and nature. Very little textual commentary peeks out in the comments but I enjoy the strong chords of coherent taste/themes I feel I find when scrolling there.

I just acquired some new toned paper... wonder if I can bend my attention to pinning down a couple others... my sketching skills have definitely atrophied throughout covid tho :(

[lidwinupgro]

How Walker Davis, the Best Immigration Consultants in Dubai, Helped Albin Secure a New Life in Australia

Albin had always been the provider for his family—a loving husband and father of two young children. Working in a high-demand sector in Dubai, he believed his job was secure. But then, in a matter of weeks, everything changed. The company he had worked for announced a round of layoffs, and like many others, Albin found himself without a job.

The news hit hard. The stability that once anchored his family seemed to crumble overnight. Bills started piling up, savings were draining fast, and the pressure to find another job grew with each passing day. Albin applied everywhere, but no opportunities seemed to come his way. The stress was overwhelming, and the uncertainty about the future was even harder on his family.

A Golden Opportunity from an Unexpected Place

One evening, after a long day of job hunting and battling anxiety, Albin received an unexpected message. It was from an old colleague who had moved to Australia a few years back. He mentioned a golden opportunity—a position that was opening up at his company in Australia, and they were specifically looking for someone with Albin’s experience.

It seemed too good to be true. After months of struggling, Albin saw a glimmer of hope for his family’s future. But there was just one problem: He had no idea how to migrate to Australia. The thought of handling the complicated immigration process on his own felt overwhelming. He worried about whether his application would be accepted, how long the process would take, and what would happen to his family in the meantime.

An Eye-Opening Moment: Discovering Walker Davis

Days passed, and the weight of uncertainty grew. Albin couldn’t afford to make mistakes when it came to something as important as his family’s future. While researching online, he stumbled upon a company that would change his life forever—Walker Davis, the best immigration consultants in Dubai. At first, he was hesitant. Could they really help him navigate the complicated waters of Australian immigration?

He decided to give them a call, and that’s when everything started to shift. From the very first consultation, Albin felt understood. The consultants at Walker Davis listened to his story, his fears, and his dreams for his family’s future. They reassured him that, with their guidance, his migration to Australia could be smooth and efficient.

The Path to Australia with Walker Davis

Walker Davis created a personalized plan for Albin and his family, ensuring that every step of the Australian immigration process was handled with care and expertise. They guided him through the paperwork, explained every legal requirement, and gave him clear timelines so he knew what to expect. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

The day Albin’s visa was approved, he was in disbelief. After months of struggling, feeling lost and helpless, he was finally given the chance to rebuild his life and offer his family the stability they deserved. With Walker Davis’s expert help, Albin and his family packed their bags and headed for Australia.

A New Beginning: Albin’s Life in Australia

Today, Albin looks back at that difficult time with gratitude. What once felt like an insurmountable challenge became the pathway to a new life in Australia. He now has a great job at a thriving company, his children are enrolled in excellent schools, and his family is happier and more secure than ever. The overwhelming uncertainty has been replaced with a new sense of hope and excitement for the future.

And none of this would have been possible without the unwavering support of Walker Davis, the best immigration consultants in Dubai. Their guidance turned a daunting process into a seamless experience. Albin’s story is a testament to the power of finding the right help when it’s needed most.

The Best Immigration Consultants in Dubai: Your Key to a Brighter Future

If you’re like Albin—facing uncertainty or considering a fresh start in Australia—Walker Davis can be the key to unlocking your future. Their deep understanding of Australia’s immigration process and their commitment to personalized service ensure that every client gets the support they need to succeed.

Albin’s story isn’t just his; it’s the story of countless families who have turned to Walker Davis for guidance in securing their future in Australia. With their help, dreams of a better life can become a reality.

Ready to start your own journey? Visit Walker Davis Skilled Migration today and take the first step toward building your new life in Australia.

[arachnitopia]

3, 6, 8, 21, 19 and 20, 22, 28 and 29 :-3

hello hello!! 3. biggest strength - i take a lot of pride in my intelligence! i process, learn, and comprehend very fast and i retain + use the knowledge i gain very well. i've been told plenty of times that i could do great things if i applied myself more and as much as that statement annoys me, i like to think its true. i could do fantastic things. 6. last dream you had - the last dream i had was a really elaborate and immersive nightmare. of course it doesnt take much thinking to realize it's unrealistic, but upon waking up i was genuinely a bit afraid because for a moment it really seemed like That was my life ! in short it can be summarized by my mom dates a serial killer yikes but if you want to hear it in more detail idm describing it :P 8. favorite movie - tie between everything, everywhere, all at once and pan's labyrinth. both very very different but still very very good. everything everywhere all at once was nominated for 11 oscars and won 7 of them!! those wins being best actress, best supporting actress, best supporting actor, best film editing, best original screenplay, best director, and of course best picture! and for good reason. eeaao is a FANTASTIC movie and something i think everyone in the world should watch. it has good comedy + action, it has good philosophy and diverse representation, it has good set and costume design, and it has absolutely phenomenal plot and characters. genuinely there is something for everyone. we'd be here forever if i could talk about every little thing good about eeaao but instead you should watch it for yourself!!! pan's labyrinth was nominated for 6 oscars and won 3 of them! those wins being best art direction, best cinematography, and best makeup (though its other nominations are also very impressive). pan's labyrinth is an incredibly beautiful, well done dark fantasy movie about a little girl having to bear life during the early francoist period of spain. despite it being a somewhat old movie, the visuals still hold up perfectly. both the beauty and the unsettling is captured perfectly. it's a cult classic that, again, i think everyone should watch! 19. 5 things i love - you my dear friend eden!!!! as well as all my other friends :] art of every medium especially music and writing and illustration all of my favorite roblox games hehehe learning ! especially about science, literature, and even history!! all of my plushies!! 20. 5 things i hate- its so awful when i accidentally loop a song for too long and it starts to sound weird/bad :[ misinformation ! when genuinely good media is dumbed down to a meme or is only known for having a shit fandom pokemon dudebros who think trubbish is a bad pokemon/has a bad design yearning for all of the cool and fun and complex things my laptop cannot run 21. a random fact - everything, everywhere, all at once actually had to have its own wiki page for all of the awards it was nominated for and won because there were so many it was better to just dedicate an entirely separate area for them :P 22. favorite item of jewelry - in terms of jewelry types i love neckalces and chokers! specific item though i have a silver necklace with a round lapis pendant that's held in place by a dragon circling around it,, it's really cool and means a lot to me :] 28. favorite book - house of leaves. frankenstein is a close second but house of leaves always no matter what,, it's an incredibly engaging read that requires a lot of effort. pages upon pages of footnotes, appendixes, exhibits. there's even details and puzzles in the margins, chapter names, and publisher fine print on the very first page. house of leaves tells many stories at once, all interconnected and yet so distant from one another. it's unsettling, heart-wrenching, and so so human. it's also inspired a lot of other really good art (such as myhouse.wad !!!) 29. sweet or salted popcorn - i don't like sweet popcorn that much !

[ace-disaster-weeb]

I've created another horror movie concept inspired by Koomaxx's "Genshin characters in a horror movie" video, this time starring the Mondstadt characters! I took way more creative liberties with this plot, which includes the creation of some original concepts! Welcome to...

"Let Us Adore You"

Here's a rough plot outline before we get into the details:

Razor is the protagonist of this story, in which he and several of the other Mondstadt characters work together to solve a series of murders and disappearances.

The real antagonist of this story is an original character who I've just been calling The Mother. My whole concept for this character (pictured in the concept sketches below) is a desperate attempt to get back whatever you've lost to make your life "perfect," taken uhealthily too far.

Basically, her story is that many years before the main plot happened, she lost her son in some horrible accident, and she proceeded to handle it not very well. She throws herself wholly into anything that could possibly bring her son back, but it's just never enough. And then...she meets Razor. And he's the spitting image of her dead son.

Initially, she just tries to befriend him, and it works-kind of. By the start of the movie, the two of them are on good terms, but it's still not enough for her, because no matter what The Mother wants, Razor is not her son. And so, as she applies the knowledge she's gathered over the years, a plan forms...

TBH, I knew since the early stages of my development process that Bennett would die first. Once I considered that him and Razor are good friends, though, my overall response was, "Oh my FUCK that's so sad, but it would also be a really good inciting incident and the angst potential is off the charts!" So, what happens here is: Razor and Bennett are hanging out together in the forest, and they accidentally set off a trap, which seriously injures Bennett. Razor runs off to get help, but when he comes back, Bennett is nowhere to be found. Shortly after this incident, The Mother gives Razor an invitation to her home. He initially declines, wanting to figure out what happened to his friend, but he keeps her address with him.

Once again, the characters under the "dies in the first hour" tier aren't necessarily in a specific order, and being in the "red herring killer" tier doesn't confirm nor deny a character's survival, but I still have some ideas for what happens with some of the characters.

I feel like Albedo gets dismissed as a suspect pretty quickly after Sucrose dies, and he's the only character in the "red herring killer" tier where I'm pretty confident he survives. The other 2, I'm much more uncertain about.

Kaeya ends up sacrificing himself to protect Klee (I made myself very sad thinking this). However, there is one thing about this event that I'm really hung up on: how this affects everyone's perception of Diluc. I can't decide whether this event would prove Diluc's innocence or make everyone really suspicious of him...

Whatever happens, during the late stages of the movie, the then surviving characters consult Mona to see if she can use her abilities to figure something out...only for "Lisa" to kill Mona in the middle of her reading. This understandably freaks everyone out, and it leads to a small chase and/or fight sequence. At the end of this, the characters discover that this Lisa is no longer their friend, and is now a creation of The Mother's used to spy on them.

At this point, everyone is pretty sure that The Mother is involved with what's been happening. So, while Albedo, Barbara, and Klee stay behind in Mondstadt, Razor, Jean, Eula, and whoever is left under the "red herring killer" tier all confront The Mother in her home-a mansion on a small isolated island. It's during this confrontation that her true intentions are revealed.

Basically, she's been trying to make Razor's normal life as unappealing as possible, so he'll see no other option than to stay with her forever. And part of that is killing off people around him, taking their bodies, and using them to create "friends" for Razor. I have some concept sketches for them down here.

So, in this climactic finale, the characters must fight off the "friends" and The Mother and escape back home. In the end, our heroes succeed in escaping, The Mother and the "friends" are defeated, and her house is destroyed...though not without casualties.

Soo, yeah, that's my newest Genshin horror movie concept. It's probably also the one I've thought through the most. I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts about it!

[joy2paris]

Preempting the big move...

So - I am a born and raised Londoner. I have had two years at university in the midlands and I am about to head to live in Paris for a year in 4 days for my year abroad! It was not compulsory for my course. I decided to opt into doing it. Prepare for a lengthy post: I just want to get all my thoughts and feelings about it out there.

It is truly surreal to say that I will be leaving so soon. To be honest, this whole pre-leaving process has been so stressful to say the least.

Making life-altering decisions that change the course of my future have always had the ability to send me spiralling haha. It happened to me in Year 13 deciding which universities to apply to, what course I was going to do, whether to do a gap year, whether to do an art foundation or not...I have no idea what I want to do career wise and committing to anything specific was too scary.

Also at that period, it just felt like childhood was truly slipping away. Contrary to what I feel is the majority of people's desires, I never ever desired to grow up (its giving Wendy from Peter Pan). I still have this diary entry where I expressed my deep sadness for turning 14. I never even wanted to leave primary school (I loved that place so much). Disclaimer: it is not that I just want to be babied by my parents forever, or anything like that. I am actually a very independent person and very happy being apart from them, as well as being an adaptable person to different surroundings. They also cultivated a space for me to be that way, especially as they are super independent people in their own rights. I don't know, I guess I am just a massive nostalgia merchant. Preserving time constantly spent with friends and the responsibility-free lifestyle was always something I revelled in, which sadly the post-uni life does not allow in the same capacity :( my friends are kind of my life. i love them with all of my heart and spending time with them makes me so so happy. constant laughter but also real sisterhood. we understand each other, look out for each other, uplift each other and have the most meaningful and vulnerable conversations. my friends are my girlfriends man!

Making these decisions also make me think very heavily about my life, my situation, how I see myself etc. I don't want to make the wrong decision. Maybe there is no such thing. It is just important for me to create a life that is at its optimum for me and my wants. For example, I didn't want to randomly pick a uni that only had one element that I liked about it. It was important for me to go somewhere that holistically met my needs - a place that is good for my course, that reflected the urban metropolis energy I love of London without it being London, that had a campus student feel but did not isolate you in an unrealistic student bubble 24/7, that was racially diverse, that would push me but also be a place where I could have fun with people. I considered my decision very carefully.

I also wanted to take a year out before rushing in (postponing graduating was always appealing) and I am so happy I did. I also realised that I would never get the opportunity to do an art foundation for free unless I did it there and then (it's free for 18 year olds), and the feeling of regret is a sore one. My meticulous decision making also went into deciding which art foundation to pick. I asked previous students all of my burning questions, to know what is was REALLY like. And I thank myself for doing that.

I decided to take the plunge and go for the intensive Kingston Art Foundation course over Camberwell at UAL or Ravensbourne. That course also began during 2020, a horrible year I am sure in many people's lives. Mine included. Not only did the course distract me from everything bad that was going on, I felt so excited by all the projects and briefs we were set; I was inspired and pushed creatively in ways I did not know was possible. I feel I also came more into myself with that year out - I loved the restaurant I worked in so much, and by the time I was set to go to uni, I felt ready (covid uni also just sounded awful if you didn't gel with your flatmates).

I loved doing Graphic Design so much. I got emotional making my final project on my foundation because I felt so passionate about it and I was so desperate for it to communicate the way I wanted it to. I've started realising I want to have a career that continues to bring out that kind of emotion in me. I want to move people and create change. This does not even have to be in a humungous way, just still a change that creates an impact or feeling in any way. I feel the same way with English and Philosophy when I come across passages I love (Eng and Phil is my degree. I did English Literature, Art and Psychology for A levels). Recently, A return to my Native Land by Aime Cesaire and Jamaica Kincaid's A Small Place really did this for me, I was blown away. I love the stimulating conversation about the work we are set in my seminars. Maybe a critic is the life for me. Conversations in crits (times where we would review our work with our tutors and peers) on foundation always really thrilled me. Either way, I need to understand this love of mine will happen for me career wise, I just need to keep trying and failing but importantly trying. Not just thinking about these things I love, but continuing to engage with them and understand doing something semi career related is not committing yourself to do that for life.

So, for the most part, I always back myself in the decisions I make, even though it is a harrowing process getting there. This is because, every big decision I have made has turned out to be the best thing for me and represent exactly what I want out of that decision. Most times, I feel, because of the meticulous researching and debating.

That tormenting, debating experience also returned when deciding to do a year abroad, but in its fullest force. Retrospectively, I wrongly avoided thinking about it at all over first year summer. I kept putting it off, as the weight of even the thought of it was too much to withstand. Second year of university began, and I was soon overwhelmed by the joys of an amazing second year house experience and other feelings this new year brought. Yet, the deadline for a year abroad was fast approaching.

As stated, I am a nostalgia merchant, so the idea of parting with my amazing uni friends was hard to swallow. Luckily, two of some of my closest friends will still be there when I return, but even the FOMO I was preempting to experience over the year I would be away was enough to make me reconsider. Second year I didn't even clean my teeth alone: we were always together and it was great (to clarify, we still individually cleaned our own teeth but were just in the bathroom at the same time LOL). Whereas, I will be lodging on the outskirts of central Paris in an airbnb, before living alone in a studio in Paris - I am sure this will be a fun experience in itself, however, still a massive contrast to the very communal second year uni experience I really enjoyed.

In addition, as stated, growing up was something I never wanted to partake in. So, graduating and entering the "real world", a world that I did not know which path to take in, was TERRIFYING. Most people do internships the summer before graduating to have some experience under their belts. Even deciding what to do for this stressed me, as it felt like committing to something for my career. Writing this out now, it all seems a bit silly, as I know there are many people who do not know what they want to do and feel this way, just like me. That is okay. I don't know, these decisions felt worse than the other ones I have previously encountered, because those decisions were not tied to the next step of education, a system I (and others in my boat) have only known. Instead, the world of scary work loomed. This whole thing also made me deep that I am probably more of a perfectionist than I realise, and a commitment-phobe more than I realise.

There were other personal factors too that I felt made me spiral in this time. So all in all, I was in a big crisis about it. I decided to make a pros and cons list. The underlying theme for essentially all of the cons was purely fear. If that was the only thing holding me back, why not just feel the fear and do it anyway?

So, unlike the usual planner me, I decided to take the plunge and not think about all the details. I didn't really have the time to extensively research into every country and every university as I had left it all so late, and also a lot of the time there is bias as to why people like or do not like certain things about a place and what it has to offer. There was no guarantee I was going to get a certain country or anything like that too.

Paris was not intended to be where I ended up. Amsterdam was my first pick, and I initially put Toulouse second as it seemed more appealing place to be as a student. However, I only found out right before I submitted my year abroad application that it was not available for my course. So, last minute, I changed Paris from being 5/6 on my list to 2nd. Although I am a true city girl, for similar reasons for not wanting to stay in London, I felt the same with Paris. I think there are also a lot of opinions about Paris as a place and the people.

Since telling people I am going, all I have heard is, "Parisians are so rude to non-French speakers", "the place smells and it is dangerous". Not to mention, there are very serious issues in the city. Recently, there have been many riots due to the killing of an innocent 17 year old at the hands of the police. It is not a campus university unlike my English one and I will be living alone, not even within university accommodation which is what I am used to. The Guardian also just reported that for the first time ever, the French government are having to fumigate the majority of Paris to prevent the swarm of large mosquitos that are carrying deadly fevers that are taking over LMAO! So it feels scary and new on all levels. I think also, Paris is a place that connotes many images in people's minds just on its mention (city of love etc). However, I have never been someone who romanticises much, or has expectations for much. I know Paris is going to visually be a hybrid of things, which I am used to and also something I will embrace.

The admin trials and tribulations I have endured with the process so far have been a lot. I have had to change universities and courses within the process (now doing law over there!), believed I had a house situation sorted, only for it to fall through and stressfully find somewhere else. As I was scared before doing it, these issues just made me more nervous. I have never felt nerves on this scale before. But I am equally really excited for what is to come, for the people I will meet and the experiences I will have. The growth that I will acquire. As I have grown older, I have loved more and more the experience of meeting new people and finding out about them, talking with them. My extroversion has really increased haha.

I think my main fear is the speaking French thing. I would still be nervous if I was going to an English speaking country, but less so, as I know I would be able to communicate with anyone and everyone. Or even say, with Amsterdam, where everyone speaks English and is happy to do so. As someone who doesn't enjoy the feeling of not being good at something straight away, I am sure living in Paris will teach me a lot. I did French at GCSE, but the way languages are taught in the UK as well as the way we are taught to see languages, is rubbish. All I can say is "Je suis allé au parc avec mes amis" and most Brits expect every country they go to accommodate to English. So, although France is in no way a perfect place or dissimilar to Britain when thinking of its colonial history, I kind of don't blame the French for not adhering to the accommodation of English.

It's weird, France is so close to us geographically that it is probably the foreign country Brits are most exposed to. I have been to France quite a few times - twice with my secondary school, twice to Limoges (Central France) when I was 9 with family friends, Lille for the fleamarkets with Dad, near Normandy and Nice with family and this year I visited a friend doing her year abroad in Grenoble. We also visited Annecy and and a bit of Lyon in that time. Yet funnily, I have only been to Paris once and for less than 24 hours haha. I was 16 with my family embarking on a chaotic inter-railing trip. Paris was our first stop! The place we stayed in was lovely, but the Louvre was shut on the day we were there and everywhere was so expensive for food so we ended up getting Mcdonald's. We did go to a cute funfair and a boat tour along the Seine, as well as seeing some fat rats. So essentially, Paris will feel novel to me on this year as my brief experience with it was interesting to say the least.

I really want to meet warm, genuine and meaningful friends. I am very grateful to say I have encountered that at my current university and before I began uni too. It is a special, special feeling. I believe I am good at discerning the kinds of people who I rate and want to spend my time with versus those who are not.

It feels weird being this level of nervous. But I am proud of myself for taking this step. It really really is out of my comfort zone.

I am excited to experience the art, music, film and general culture there a lot. There are a couple people who I know who have lived out there for a year (mainly friends of friends) and have asked them all for their recommendations. Places like Silencio and Caveau de la huchette are 100% seeing me. I will upload my list on here! I had a radio show over my time at university, which was extremely rewarding. Perhaps I can continue something similar out there. I really want to improve on my decks.

French films are a genre that I love dearly. There is many more for me to see, but currently on my Letterboxd 'Je t'aime' playlist, I have: Girlhood, La Haine, The World Is Yours, The Illusionist, The Intouchables, Portrait of a Lady on Fire etc.

To my comfort, my mum also reminded me that through a lot of this experience I will be externalising a lot - processing the language and the new surroundings, therefore not much time for internalising.

Ahhh, so many emotions! I will miss my dear friends dearly. University has been such an amazing experience so far. However, as my dad said, I cannot compare the experiences as this is an entirely different thing altogether.

I have already learned a lot about myself through this pre-leaving process. Often I feel the need to prove myself to people (when debating for weeks about whether to do it, I felt I could not back down after speaking so extensively to my friends about it, which is not the case. My brother felt I did not have the guts to do it, and I wanted to prove him wrong - but I don't need to). Change is inevitable and you just have to roll with it. Doing something does not commit you to that thing.

Crazy that I will be doing law there too - I feel the country is an interesting place from that law perspective. It was through the recent riots that I discovered that France does not monitor any ethnicity data under the guise that this upholds racial equality. That truly shocked me. All that is new awaits me! Proud of myself! Will report back on here as much as I can.

[cyanoscarlet]

Already half a year after residency,

but no, I still haven't graduated. Like I said.

I'm just finishing my research paper - already applied for ethics review and am hoping to hear from them soon so I can already start collecting data. I honestly took way too long to get to this point because my brain refuses to cooperate with me, with my many episodes of slumps and breakdowns in between. (Had a major one in February after our department accreditation. My obligations as chief resident having ended, my junior took over the post and I felt like a useless stump. That came way out of left field, I had to see my psychiatrist and they added another medication. So far so good I guess?)

One thing I noticed now that I turned 30 is that my productivity these days only comes in bursts of few hours at most and needs a highly specific type of environment to work. I hate having to go out and spend money at coffee shops just to get work done, but it's been the best way so far. I wasn't this bad during medical school—back then, I was able to concentrate on reviewing at home 1 month before the licensure exam. I really miss the days when I could study/work for long hours / late at night / at home / with moderate distractions / any combination thereof or all of the above. Basically I was more efficient then. Gotta live with what I currently have, though. (sighs)

At the very least I hope to be able to receive my diploma and final clearance from residency this year. Never mind the specialty board exam already, I probably won't make this year's cutoff. But I WILL start to study this year. Also get more regular clinic gigs—I'm not getting any younger yet I've barely saved anything because No, Medicine Isn't As Lucrative A Career As You Think. (Or maybe it's only like this in the PH. I dunno. But I suspect everyone who works in the health industry shares this sentiment to some degree because who in the high places actually cares about us, really?)

In other (happier) news I've been able to write a little again! Super grateful I got back into Juuni Kokki (Twelve Kingdoms) last May/June, then FF16 this July! My brainworms are starting to live again and I'm somewhat energized by the fan stuff I'm reading. Also was able to churn out some short fics so that's also a win. Am hoping to hit a more stable stride on this front once I'm done-ish with research so I can go back to finish some older works and find time to submit to anthologies/publications again. (The literary kind. I'm not hoping on anything on the academic/research front but it'd be a nice bonus, but I'm totally happy without it.)

Turns out 2023's still a year of uncertainty, but definitely less pressuring than residency. Being away from the hospital really helped. Having the time to decompress, to take my time on things, to slow down a little. Honestly it's selfish of me to wish this would last forever, but it can't. I have to move on to a more stable position in life, in my career after this. I guess we'll see what happens by then.