#special forces album
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angerygoomba · 10 months ago
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is it weird that i dont wanna change my pfp—even though ive had countless moments where ive seen something, thought to myself "this would make an amazing pfp" or "i really wanna make this my pfp" and then like seconds later lose the desire as i remember my relationship to my pfp and how everything about my online persona from the past 5 years would change—and im okay with that?
#like im trying not to be sound entitled to being unique and special#but it feels so much like the opposite of what a normal person would do#like i get a lot of urges of wanting to have another pfp to the point where i have a photo album of potential pfps#change bot contacts pfps to see what they would look like#and even had an old discord account that i would change pfps so that i could express myself in that way#and its not like i feel forced to keep this goomb persona up or anything#i genuinely feel so connected to it#especially since half of my teenage years were spent online due to quarantine#and i got to dissociate from my actual physical self (even though at the time i didnt realise i was doing that)#cheesy it may sound but this just IS my online identity and to change that just feels unnatural#but i still naturally get urges to see what its like to have a different pfp#and honestly i love the system i have cause if i didnt have this i would probably change my pfp every day#so what im doing right now is basically perfect for me since i actually do have a solid online identity#it could also be because i tied my username to my pfp and therefore would have to change my username when changing my pfp#and thats really where the root of the persona comes from#because it makes no sense to tell my real life friends my username is angerygoomba if i have some random ass pfp in conjunction with that#but i will maybe never change my username because i absolutely love how it looks and feels to say#especially goomb#cause that just feels so natural to say that im surprised its not a word#or even a common username at that#also my nd ass will have to find a completely unique username without _ or . cheating cause i cant stand how they look#like it isnt transferable to the english language to have underscores or dots or dashes or whatever in a name#but whateva#goomb thot
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biracy · 2 years ago
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Alice Cooper - Who Do You Think We Are [Special Forces, 1982]
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clangandclatter · 1 year ago
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38 Special - Tour De Force (November 1, 1983)
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jaserp · 1 year ago
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@gothwizardmagic tagged me to share three albums ive been listening to lately!
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renaissance (beyonce), the black parade (my chemical romance), and food house
ive honestly never been less surprised in my life than seeing these are my most listened to in the last three months.
i spent about three hours yesterday thinking about how good renaissance is & i havent gone a week without listening to Something from the black parade since i first heard it
food house is food house. its the most annoying sounds ive ever heard and it made me worse. ive listened to mos thoser two hundred and forty eight times
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monkee-mobile · 1 year ago
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this is still true ⬆️
except i’m very second image right now
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I am davy in both of these images. davy is the duality of my Michael feelings.
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fadedtoneverland · 6 days ago
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ice on my teeth | c.sn
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❤︎ synopsis — san’s been feeling a little bold lately after his most recent comeback
pairing: idol!choi san x afab!reader
theme: smut ❣︎
a/n: ice on my teeth slaps and san in the mv has me feeling some type of way. enjoy this fic i cranked out from the horniest crevices of my mind. banner credits to @sylusz
cw: no gendered pronouns for the reader. top!san. bottom!reader. pet names (baby, babe, honey). vaginal fingering. oral sex (f receiving). slight overstimulation. reader is hormonal for san. san is a bit of a freak
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san was so unfairly hot.
and he knew it.
it was insanely obvious that he took advantage of that fact too, because this comeback, his stylists went all out for every single one of his looks.
as the partner of choi san himself, you had special privileges of freely roaming photoshoots and music video shootings whenever ateez prepared for their latest comeback. it’s a special opportunity that all of ateez partner’s got, per the request of the members themselves.
and damn, did your man really aim to make you go feral this time around.
the new golden hour part 2 ep was an absolute banger, hongjoong even gave you the luxury to have an early listen to one of the songs on the album. of course, with banger songs, comes with a banger music video.
a music video that was a little too sexy for your own sanity.
the entire process was a thrill for ateez, but an agonizing time for you. you were forced to sit behind the camera crew while they took the most sinful shots of your boyfriend, trying to be discreet with how you rubbed your thighs together every time san flashed one of his sultry, sexy smirks that he’d usually give you in the bedroom.
it’s like god was laughing at your misfortune from the clouds with a popcorn bucket in hand. oh how you so badly wanted to jump your man’s bones and suck his dick right then and there, but you knew better than to create that oddly graphic scenario.
there was one particular scene that was being filmed, where san was looking up into the camera through intricately decorated chains and jewelry, shooting his iconic dark, sultry eyes. san was dressed in nothing but a fur coat and pants, lowered ever so slightly to teasingly show off his dolce gabbana boxers.
and he definitely knew he was affecting you in such a way, because every time you even catch his gaze, he always flashes you that cocky ass smirk, which only fuels your desire to just wipe than smile off with your lips on his.
this man should be illegal.
finally, after what seemed to be a lifetime of undressing san with your eyes, the music video filming was finally over, and you got to take your man home to your place.
san had already told mingi and seonghwa ahead of time that he’d be staying over at your place for some “quality time with his partner”.
a few hickeys and one sloppy make out later, the tension had finally boiled over into a heated dance of passion and lust between the two of you, with san pushing you down onto your duvet, his large hands roaming over your body, worshipping your clear skin.
“gorgeous.” san panted out, lathering wet kisses over your stomach, pushing your shirt up to your chest to grant himself more access to your body.
breathy sighs escaped your wet lips, and your gaze drifted down to the masterpiece of a man between your legs. a breathless chuckle erupted from your throat.
“someone’s eager.” you teased. san responded with a nip to your inner thigh, making you gasp.
“you’re one to talk.” san lowly groaned while practically ripping off your pants in one swift motion, which only made your panties even more soaked.
“i saw how you were looking at me during the filming. you’re not that slick, honey.”
you laughed, though it came out more high-pitched than expected. “can you blame me? you were looking so damn hot for that camera.”
“good.” san punched out with a grunt, his head diving between your legs. catching the elastic band of your panties between his teeth, he dragged down the sodden fabric in a teasing manner, slowly egging you on and heightening your arousal.
when you finally kicked off the delicate fabric yourself, the bare sight of your glittering, wet cunt, was all it took for san to lose control.
san has always been an impatient man when it came to you, so he wasted no time spreading your thighs apart, licking up your slit in one, fat stripe, and then beginning to feast on you, moaning wantonly into your sensitive skin.
your moans were shameless and loud, fingers immediately darting down to tangle in san’s raven hair, tugging on the strands periodically as san devoured your pussy with his skilled tongue.
“fuck, i’ll never get tired of this taste,” san grunted into your skin, letting out a moan as his tongue lathered over your sensitive folds. “it’s just so damn good.”
a high pitched whine escaped your lips. “h-hah.. sannie…”
“yeah, that’s it, baby. say my name.” san continued to worship your dripping core, his lips latched around your clit and sucking hard, flicking his tongue over it every now and then. your moans only got louder each time, and san just reveled in your pleasure, getting off on it.
san’s cock was so hard in his pants it was almost painful, begging to be freed and just fuck your pussy silly. but san was focused on you, and only you, wanting to hear your sounds and your pleasure.
a tiny trail of saliva dripped from the corner of your mouth, moans and whines coming from your throat nonstop as san ate you out like it was the last time he was ever gonna taste pussy. his calloused hands gripped the plush of your thighs tightly every time they closed instinctively around your head, spreading them apart and keeping them locked in that position.
“no. keep them open for me, babe.” san hashed out with a slight whine in his voice. he then licked a quick line up his two fingers before plunging them inside of you, relishing the loud gasp that came from your mouth.
“wanna make you feel good. please.”
the desperation in his voice made your velvety walls clench around his digits, and san groaned loudly at the feeling. hooking your thighs over his broad shoulders, san dived back in to abuse your clit with his tongue, while his fingers beckoned inside of your cunt to drive you crazy.
god were you a mess, the way san’s fingers just dragged against your spongy walls in all the right places, plus how he was prodding your sensitive pearl with his tongue. it’s like this man was trying to kill you.
every single sound that escaped your mouth only made san redouble his efforts, reducing you to his babbling, incoherent mess. your fingers tightened in san’s hair, pulling harshly at his messy black locks, and your hips bucked up to meet with san’s tongue and finger movements.
“s-san- san i can’t— a-ah~…” you whined rather loudly. san chuckled into your skin, the deep sound resonating within his chest.
and san’s gaze never left your face. his sharp, catlike eyes were dark. so dark that there was almost no white left in them, nothing but pure lust present in those black orbs.
“fuck. keep doing that for me.” san groans before removing his fingers, and spearing his tongue into your pink pucker. that about made you lose it right then and there.
“come for me, honey.”
it’s like his words cast some sort of spell on your body, because you came right then and there. your white essence flooded his tongue, and he eagerly swallowed up the sweet taste, groaning loudly and keeping his face stuffed between your thighs.
but even after your mind-shattering orgasm, san didn’t relent with his tongue movements. his continued ministrations left you a broken, whimpering mess, desperately pushing his head to try and find some sort of relief.
“s-sannie— san- it’s too much- please-!” you cried out, choked up moans coming from you.
san responded with a low whine, pushing his tongue harshly between your folds, as if to physically disagree. san’s head then came up from between your thighs, his lips and chin glistening with your arousal.
“nuh-uh, honey. we’re not stopping now.” san cooed softly. you would’ve melted at the sound of his honeyed words if it weren’t for your body being so sensitive.
pushing his pants down, his hard, leaking cock jutted out from between his legs. the tip was an angry red, demanding to be pleasured. as he shimmied himself between your legs and hooked them around his waist, you knew you’d be in for a long night.
then again, it wasn’t like you minded.
“we ain’t stopping ‘till i get to cum. and i’ll be sure to fill you up so good, babe.”
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fadedtoneverland © 2024 | do not steal, modify or repost ANY of my work.
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unconventional-lawnchair · 3 months ago
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Spoiled Brat
Remus Lupin x Fem!Gaunt!Reader
August Taylor Swift
Masterlist
Summary: When your escapism over the summer turns a bit more real, as you fall in love with a half blood your father would never approve of}
Wc- 3642
Cw: Use of {Y/N}, sexual themes and scenes, cussing, }
A/N- This was an idea I have been toying with for a while, this may become a mini-series if you'd like
Taglist- @otterlockholmes
Part two
If it was one thing your parents stuck into your head when you were younger, it was that you, {Y/N} Gaunt, were better than any other witch in your presence. 
‘The Lost Gaunt’ is what they referred to you as. You, and of course, your parents fed into this idea. People were sure they had died out, either from your family's admittedly embarrassing financial status, or from a few choice family members disgracing your blood line with Muggle blood.
It wasn't a secret, your family's blood soaked history and ideals on muggles of any variety. Your father spoke especially lowly of half bloods, saying they were some of the most loathsome and desperate of them all, with parents who tainted their good family names by giving it to scum. 
Very opinionated, that man.
You were much the same when you were younger. Snappy and spoiled, demanded everything and no one ever fought you on it. Even with your family's position with lack of wealth, when your parents came out of hiding as Voldemort started his horrid flock, your father didn't hesitate to join. There was no lack of support from expected places. Every pureblood with half sense wanted to be in the good graces of the heir of Slytherin, even if she didn't attend the school. Little you was treated like an absolute princess. Even receiving a letter from Durmstrang personally, your father opting for the obvious choice, burning your Hogwarts letter before you even read it. 
It made you an absolute terror when you got to the foreign school. Suddenly, you weren't as special as you were in London. Your name still carried a lot of marit, but so did several other students. You learned to keep your mouth shut, to keep your cards to your chest, and eventually, you unlearned everything your parents taught you. You met half bloods there, stronger than you had ever known witches and wizards to be, making close friends with several other open minded purebloods and friendly half bloods. 
Of course, you still had a family name to uphold. You studied and worked your hardest, eventually making it high enough on a social latter that Gaunt no longer mattered, but {Y/N} did. 
You started your rebellious streak in year 4, when your father asked you if you wanted to return home for the summer. It was the first time he gave you the choice, you refused. Instead, you traveled to Muggle London without his knowing. You went with a few friends, half bloods, they wanted to show you where they grew up. Your father would have your head for this. You thought in amusement as you danced through the market and gawked at all the muggle contraptions. You were sure to them you looked absolutely delirious, but you couldn't care less in the moment.
You wandered down the streets with a few girls who had broken off from the group. When you noticed a record store, your friends waved you off, refusing to join when they knew you'd be in there for hours. A boy who fancied you gifted you a small record player, and since then, you had been collecting muggle records at any opportunity. Thank Merlin your father didn't keep track of your spending.
You walked in with your head held high, you already gave off the impression of someone too good to be there, a force of habit. You walked down the aisle and searched the albums, dismissing people who tried to educate you on what was best, mostly men trying to impress you, you figured. Nothing more charming than being spoken down to. Eventually, you made it to some of the older ones, clearly used and used and used again. A soft yellow album caught your eye from the top shelf. Etta Jones? You thought for a moment. You had never seen it before, but the woman on the cover looked beautiful. 
You got on your toes and began to balance on a shelf, struggling to reach the damned record. You have a huff, ready to give in, before you hear a chuckle behind you. Whipping your head around you nearly spun around completely. Then, you saw him. A boy, he looked to be your age, tanned skin with soft pink scars littering his form, with one large one across his face. He had shaggy sandy blonde hair, almost brown, and the cockiest smirk on his face.
You huffed at him and put your hands on your hips, tilting your head at him. “Not very polite, you know. Watching a lady struggle without even an offer of help.” 
His smirk slowly turned to a dazzling smile. “You want my help? You've been blowing past people who've offered you help this whole time.” He remarked and you scoffed.
“Don't be coy. They weren't exactly being truly helpful. Also, no one here is as,” You gestured to him with both hands. “Vertically gifted as you.” 
He laughed at this and you got another flash of his pearly whites. “That so?”
“I only speak the truth.”
“That I see.”
“So will you?”
“Will I what?”
You scoffed with a scandalized look, gesturing to the album. “Help a damsel in distress?” 
He gave a playful hum and put his hands in his jean pockets, leaning forward a bit in his brown jumper that laid over a mustard yellow button up. “I'm not really the princely type, princess.” He teased and you slowly smirked. “I'm more in line with the monster.” 
“Well, kind monster, would you do your princess the kindness of grabbing her this single?” You hummed and he laughed. “My princess?”
“If you behave.” 
He looked you up and down before he walked over and grabbed the record, looking it over and holding it just out of reach as you tried to snatch it away. “What if I don't?”
You huffed and gave up on trying to swipe it, crossing your arms and biting your cheek. “That's not a very gentlemanly thing to do.”
“I'm not a very gentlemanly person.” He gave you a look that had the alarm bells in your head sounding, but you bit your lip and nodded. “Fine then. What would you like in return, hm?”
“Your name.”
“My name?” You huffed and smiled once more. He nodded with a serious look, but a smile tugged at his lips.
“{Y/N}.” You introduced and held your hand out. “You don't need my last name. You'll never have to call me it.” You remarked and his eyebrows raised in delight. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” You mused as he handed you the record. 
“And your name?”
“Remus. Guess I'll skip the last name too. But please, call me Moony.” He remarked and you nodded. 
“Until next time, Moony.”
“Next time, {Y/N}.”
The summer was absolute bliss. You spent it doing all the things your father hated about muggles. Running in fields and jumping in stray bodies of water, going to parties and drinking until you were sick. You kissed muggle boys, went to underground concerts, and even took enchanted pictures for yourself to keep.
Though, you didn't see that record store boy for the rest of the summer. Not from lack of trying, however, going to the store twice a week to try and snag a glimpse of him. Eventually you gave up and went back to your friends.
The next summer, you did see him again. This time, it was a month in, you were out late at a party, and were waiting for the bus to take you to the flat you had bought under a fake muggle name. Well, you say you bought, in reality you had been taking portions of money from your father and pureblood families that wanted your favor, from the start of the school year, saving up enough to be the spoiled girl you were. 
You were standing under a street lamp, leaning against it as you pulled out a packet of cigarettes. You put it to your lips, just as you did, a voice called over to you. “Need a light?”
You turned to face the boy who seemed to sneak up on you in alarm, before you slowly lit up at the sight of him. He seemed puzzled by your expression before recognition covered his features. “Record store princess.”
“Record store monster.” You cheeked and he walked over, leaning down to cover the end of your smoke from the wind, lighting it with a simple flick. You didn't even think about how you didn't hear the usual metallic click of a lighter, instead, a snap. That was how you lit them anyway. 
“Where have you been, pretty boy?” You asked after a long drag, and he watched you breathe the smoke out of your lungs, eyes lingering on your lips. This made you curl them to give him a better view. “Around.”
“Something caught your eye?”
“Someone.” He muttered and you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, glancing at the bus station. “I'm heading home, to my flat. Care to make sure your princess gets home safe?” 
He chuckled at the bold offer, rubbing the back of his neck and wetting his lips. There was a pause as he thought about it. “... lead the way.”
That summer was somehow even better than the previous. He spent the night with you, that night, then every single other night. He came and never dreamed of leaving, only gone a handful of days for a few hours at a time for his summer job.
There was this amazing peace, waking up, laying in your stomach, hugging your pillows in your plush massive mess of blankets and pillows, with him. Most of the boys you brought back would be gone in the morning, you preferred it that way, but when you woke up to his arm around your bare back and his nose in the nape of your bruised and bite ridden neck, you couldn't dream of another outcome.
He joked, the second he saw the large canopy bed, about you letting monsters into your private quarters. He seemed to not think so highly of himself, but with every part of your skin he discovered, with every touch and sound he drew from you, he seemed to grow more confident in your situationship. It was dangerous, you knew it, this muggle boy had you wrapped around his finger. Judging by the way he looked at you when you would fall into the clouds of euphoria, he met the same fate.
You had never felt so content, going out and partying, coming home before he did, and spending your nights and afternoons together. With the odd exceptions of a few days out of the months, he was glued to you. Your friends teased you, but for once, you couldn't find it in yourself to be embarrassed. When school came, you had never felt so crushed. You spent the day before lingering in each other's presence without a word. The silence was enough. 
When he brought you to bed, and your skin was pressed to his, his nose to your temple as he whispered sweet words of encouragement and pure infatuation, you were wreathing and gasping in short spouts, you muttered something that drew his rough movements to a stop. You hadn't even realized it, and he noticed how your eyes squished together and you whined with a huff. Fluttering open your eyes, staring up at his knee weakening hazels. He stared at you in silence and you slowly moved to sit up. It clicked to him, you hadn't even realized what you said. You'd never know that those three little words utterly destroyed him. Knowing that tomorrow he would be away from you again. He knew it would be hell.
He huffed and slowly pulled back. He began slowly, taking you in as if he was trying to commit you to memory. Every curve and blemish, every bit of scarred flesh he devoured with an open mouth kiss. You were lost once more to your own ecstasy. 
He wanted to say it back so horribly. 
He wanted you to know he loved you too.
~~~
You spent all of your sixth year waiting for summer, but when it came you dreaded it. Your father told you that you were to move back to London and resume your normal life in preparation for finding you a suitor.
He had promised your mother that he would wait until you were at least 20 to start, but her passing this year it seems he changed his mind. So you returned to business as usual, being enrolled in Hogwarts for your last year of schooling, and being undertaken by the Black��s matriarch, Walaburga, to learn how to be a pureblood witch worth marrying.
Every day she would come to the Gaunt manor, quiz and train you on behaviors and etiquette. You hated those meetings, she was needlessly cruel and fake nice, to the point it was painful for you to watch her try and flatter and build your fathers ego. It made you sick. Soon, but not soon enough, the summer was over and at least you would be at Hogwarts and away from that sour faced woman.
~~
Remus had gone to your flat that summer, he stayed there for a week before he realized you weren't coming home. He hated it. He hated how you didn't tell him where you were, where you were going. There was this silent agreement between the both of you, You never told him where you would be and he never asked, Never exchanged much about your current personal lives, just the past. So if someone was to ask him where you were, he wouldn't have a clue.  You promised him you'd see each other next summer, and that was enough. 
At first his bitterness was winning, he wanted to believe you left without a word because you wanted nothing more than what you were that summer. Deep down, however, he knew. He knew by the way you looked at him in the morning, how you would pull him into the middle of the room in your socks and his shirt, like it was a dress on you, twirling around and slow dancing to that record he got you the first time you met. You always got what you wanted, and Remus knew he was what you wanted. When he left, he set a paper folded up between the door and the wall, a simple but desperate note. He needed you.
So when he got back to Hogwarts, he was a wreck. His friends noticed immediately. When he sat on the train, and looked out the window instead of shoving his nose in a book or teasing the others together.
“Moony, you good man?” James spoke up first after the three shared awkward looks. 
“Yeah dude, you look like a kicked puppy. Or James when Lily isn't looking at him.” Sirius tried to joke, looking through his suitcase before he paused and his eyes widened.
Remus was suddenly filled with dread. “Don't-”
“Let me guess, the cool girl you met last summer didn't show up this time? Told you, muggle girls her age are crazy.” Sirius laughed, not looking up, only to get jabbed harshly in his side with James’ elbow. Sirius hissed and held his side, looking at James with a glare before James flicked his eyes to Remus.
Sirius looked over and saw just how broken up Remus seemed to be about it. He sighed and gave him a pained sympathetic look. Watching as Peter took out a chocolate bar and handed it over to Remus. He muttered a thank you and took it. Sirius sighed and shook his head. “Look, I'm sorry dude. I don't mean it.”
“It's fine.” Remus answered quickly. “I was surprised she even gave me the time of day. I guess I always have that summer. I'll be over it in time, I'm sure she isn't missing me as much, as I'm moping over her, maybe that will help me get over it.”
He tried to believe that. He really did. His words were coming out low, he tried to sound wise but he truly sounded pathetic. He felt pathetic. She was all he could think about. From the train, to the carriages, to the Great Hall. Lily saw him and gave him a pout, he had written to her over the summer about what had happened. He wanted her perspective about what had happened, where he could have gone wrong, and out of the thirty he sent her she responded in kind to all of them. She walked up to him, straight past James which left the tall boy to theatrics. 
“Sirius did she just-” James gasped and clenched his chest.
“She did, James, she did.” Sirius walked up behind him with a smirk.
“Does she love me anymore?” He turned to Sirius and the shorter boy snickered.
“I don't think so, Jamie. I'll always love you, though.” Sirius indulged his theatrics and caught James (totally not with a struggle, totally smooth, Sirius is very strong) and James gasped. “You will, won't you, pads?”
“Always, my love.” Sirius declared his affections and James fanned his face like a swooning Victorian debutante. Lily rolled her eyes so hard she swore they would fall from her face. 
She turned back to Remus who gave her a painful smile. “I left her a note like you suggested.”
“Anything?”
“Nothing.” Remus sighed and she nodded carefully. 
“I'm sure there is more to it, Remus. Don't let it consume you.” Lily tried to reassure him and he sighed again, making James and Sirius catch up as they sat down. 
“Yeah, there are a million girls in the world!” Sirius tried to cheer him up and both Lily and James winced at that.
“None of them are like her.” Remus sighed and Sirius gave an owl-like look and then gave a breath of shock. “... Damn Remus, that much, huh?”
He groaned and hit his head on the table. “I just want to sleep.”
“We could always ditch the sorting ceremony.” Lily tried to nudge him, he seemed to smile at her a bit at the offer. 
“Yeah, but then you'll miss a seventh year being sorted.” Peter piped up and the four of them snapped over to look at him. 
“What? Seventh?” She asked as she looked up at the kids in front of the hall, before she bit her tongue. “Right.. that Gaunt girl every Slytherin is losing their mind over?” 
Sirius choked on his pumpkin juice before he quickly cleared his throat as James patted his back. “Woah mate!”
“Her! My mom was tutoring her all summer. Regulus told me. That girl, trying to be the perfect bride or some shit? Just another spoiled pureblood.” Sirius huffed and Lily gave a faint nod. “I hate to agree, but apparently she's the worst.”
“Of course, she's the Slytherin heir.” Sirius huffed. “Apparently she went to Dumstrung, and you know how awful they are.”
“Ah.” Lily mumbled and her eyes landed on you past the crowd, nudging Remus. “There she is. Oh Merlin, spoiled and pretty? Dangerous combination.”
Remus sighed and looked over as you sat on the chair. His entire body froze. “Ahh! {Y/N} Gaunt! Slytherin!” 
The hat didn't hesitate. You had a calm blank expression you were tutored on all summer. Looking across the students, almost bored. You stood up and dusted off your robes, before you froze up at the sound of your name being shouted across the hall.
Remus didn't think. He saw you and shot up from his seat. Lily looked at him, startled, looking between the two before her eyes widened at the name. Oh Merlin. 
Sirius was bewildered, James was stunned, and Peter hid his face away from the crowds of students who turned to look at Remus. He got a variety of different looks from everyone, but there was a running theme. Who do you think you are? Talking to Gaunt.
“{Y/N}.” He called again, firmer. You looked like a deer in headlights. Staring at him in a stunned silence before one of the girls you met on the train tugged at your sleeve. You glanced at her and by the time you looked back, Remus was rushing across the hall to you. No no no no no.
“Fuck.” You hissed and snatched your sleeve from her. You watched as he closed in on you. You felt every hair on your neck stand up. “Fuck fuck.” You whispered.
You panicked. And you ran. He was stunned and froze on the spot. You ran straight out of the hall. Remus cursed and turned to his friends, then to the professors. Lily tried to stand and bring him back to sit down, but as if he was a wild animal, the movement gave him a rush of adrenaline. What did he do? What did this absolute stupid and love sick fool do? 
He ran after you. The entire hall was silent, even the professors stunned before his head of house yelled at him to sit down. He ignored them, turning the corner out of the hall and dashing down the hall he saw you run down.
The hall was quiet for a moment or two, before Lily spoke up. “I'll make it up to you, Professors!” She shouted back before she ran after the two. 
“Me too!” James shouted and followed after her. 
“I will not!” Sirius laughed and ran after them, Peter looking at the shouting professor before she made eye contact with him. Peter slowly sat up and she gave him a warning glance, before he quickly scrambled after his friends. 
McGonagall could only sigh as Dumbledore stifled a laugh into his sleeve.
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orionlain · 2 years ago
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𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐝𝐮𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐤𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐯𝐞 note: I came back from 2 month hiatus go me! anyways ur gonna see me post more on diff fandoms other than horror. sorry bout that guys love u all tho
𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐚𝐧
Your window was open for everyone to see, the curtains being put aside, and with that he could easily take a peek at you.
The mirror light bulb shined upon your skin as you were carefully putting your highlighter around the corner of your eyes. The little specks of glitter and your rosy lip balm complimented your looks, and your hair was put in a tidy style. People would assume you were going on a date. A hookup, a party or the bar. But instead, you were staying home tonight. Why? For your job, which was to open the camera and say hello to your followers.
As you finished your foundation and last touch ups, you started setting up the camera in your computer. Browsing from each web page, and quickly announcing that you were going live for all your fans to flock to your stream. You were grateful for your followers, for the money, but as well as them giving the new found confidence you have nowadays. Your outfits had become more flashier, bold and a bit more risque, and he didn’t like that. Your smile lingered on more, and you received more texts than usual, and he didn’t like that. Your new height of fame and laughter was making you less alert. And that was the only thing he liked, knowing that one day you’ll meet your number one fan, which was him.
He couldn’t lie though, the outfits weren’t so bad, he just wished you wouldn’t have to flaunt it to others. Or that pretty gasp you have on camera when you play a horror game, he wished that you were doing that as he put his knife into you instead. He wished, for everything that you were doing, to those stupid men in the same doormat as you, to those girls who were forcing you to party, to those pesky followers who abide by you no matter what you say; was for him instead. And he wanted so much of you. Even if you didn’t know him, and he was there in front of your house right now as you stream, he wanted you to smile for him as well.
It's been months he's been watching you, he knows what coffee you like, what route you take to go to your lecture, what you order in that nearby bakery. He knows who you interact with in real life, your study friends and your family members, he knows which albums you loved when you went to the vinyl store. And he knows what you do at home. You yell and shout at the game, you make niche jokes about your interests to chat. You scroll down in your constant approvals from the masses, you converse to other creators from an entirely different place of the world.
He knows your two lives. And he found it endearing, found it to be so different from all the other victims he had. When nobody knows what you say and what you are in real life, he does. When nobody on the internet knows what location you were at and what you were studying, he does. He found it so special. Of course, he came into the conclusion he was truly your biggest fan. Whether you put that stupid mask on and off, and you become insane from your two lives blurring into another, he’ll have front row seats to such an event. How sweet.
Ghost_F: Nice shirt cupcake.
“Oh Ghostie! You’re too sweet.” You responded in a flush state. To be honest, you always laughed at the nickname you gave to this fan. You gave this name after he became such a vital follower in the past four months. You can say he was rapidly coming close to being your most noticeable one, after he constantly catches up with your streams daily. He was also giving a hectic amount of money, where you had no clue coming from. Well, he didn’t want you to know that money came from the victims he murdered with cold blood. Maybe next time.
Ghost_F: Whatcha doin’?
“Mhm? I don’t know Ghostie. I believe I’m just gonna talk today. How bout it, chat?” That shirt on you was slowly hanging more down as you face more to the screen, he could see that bra he saw a week ago on a night. It looked good on you. Although, it would’ve been better if there weren't eighty people seeing this as well.
And to his annoyance, your followers agreed to the idea. You were just gonna sit there and stay pretty, which he didn’t mind, but he would rather hear your screams again as you play a game. But, you don’t need a horror game for today. He’ll find a way to help you yelp and cry later.
“Alright chat, let's check the timeline for today- Uh.” You turn your head.
There was a knock on the door. Package delivery? You didn’t order anything. You stand up out of your seat and open your door. There was nothing on the ground. Probably one of those annoying college dudes who prank dorms.
“Sorry, chat! There was a knock on the door. But it was nothing! God, my neighbors are assholes.”
You continued to your stream and shrugged it off as if nothing had happened. You casually just scrolled down onto your posts and saw what was happening to the latest news of your favorite games and movies. Small comments back and forth, making you chuckle, but nothing out of the ordinary. Until one viewer sent out a message in chat.
“Don’t you get scared at night? There's like a killer running around in the streets of your state.”
A fan warned. You heard about the murders happening around the state, especially in your town. But you didn’t seem to be phased by it, knowing how much serial maniacs plague this country with states such as Illinois and Ohio, you became desensitized. Though, you didn’t know so much about the recent papers about this prolific guy.
“Well, I don’t know much about him.” Your chat quickly was then filled with information and rumors. Some say he came from the deep levels of hell, sadistic and twisted. Others told how he looked, how he was covered with a ghastly mask and a dark cloak hiding his figure. More talked about the victims, how they were left in a bloody gruesome mess. Word around the street, he goes by the name Ghostface, because of his uncanny mask. All in all, it freaked you out a little. This man is out free swinging his knife and no police were able to catch him. You started getting paranoid.
Ghost_F: You guys are scaring her. Sweets, don’t listen to them.
“Yeah, chat! I don’t even go out at night, I stay home and talk to you guys. And the likely chance of me getting snatched, is pretty low” You giggle it off.
“Anyways, I’m probably not his type.” You were so wrong.
As you were facing the screen and fidgeting around your hair, you swore you something in the corner of your eye. It stopped you in your tracks. You froze in front of the camera. All of your followers were concerned, asking if you were okay.
“Ah, it’s nothing guys. I’m probably just being paranoid after you guys scare me like that!” You resumed your cool facade. You didn’t want them to know that your legs were bouncing up and down in anticipation for what's next. But you soon finally let yourself calm down, telling your brain it's probably some silly animal or neighbor.
You heard a thump. What was that?
Now you were fully freaked out. You jump out of your setup and slowly walk to the kitchen, to get a pan. You tiptoed to your door, and waited for the figure to come here. The thumping of your heartbeat was all you could hear in your ears, and your breath became anxious as you feared for an intruder coming in. No, no not like this.
In a countdown, you open the door once more. It was bare. Nothing, but you could see a hint of a footprint. Dirt? Blood? You couldn’t tell as it was mixed within the colors of the hallways carpet. But something was going on. And yet you close the entrance to your home, shrugging it off to keep up with your stream. You come back to where you reside, and update your followers. Telling them constantly there was nothing wrong. You brush it off, hoping for them to stop trying to interrogate what had happened. You didn’t wanna think about it too much.
Soon, minutes passed and you finally had your fans stop nagging and continued with the next topic. The nerves in your body were finally going down, and you could see yourself sinking into the chair with relaxation. Nevermind what had happened, it wasn’t your problem anyways.
You received a message.
Who was it? The notification went on your screen, and you check on your account on who it was. Hoping it isn’t a scammer or some creep.
It was revealed to be your follower, Ghostie. Hello, it said.
You message him, asking what’s up. No response. You waited for some sort of confirmation or reply after he said a simple hello. Ominous and a little worrying. You sat there, furrowing your brows as you stood by. The stream was finally coming to a close, and there was still no updated news from the man. You sighed, you’re going to leave it be.
Ghost_F donated 2000 dollars.
“Holy shit! Ghostie, what the hell?” He was toying you at this point. This mysterious user was playing mind games with you, and you had no clue why. Just a pitiful gut in your feelings, waiting and responding with surprises. The night was getting even stranger.
Everybody in the chat was shocked. Praising the guy for the huge donation and telling you deserved it. You felt lost of what to say, how do you even reply to such a generous amount of money? If he keeps it up, your entire debt would be gone by the end of the month. And you couldn’t help but feel shameful, thinking about how you didn’t really do that much. You sat around and played games, there was nothing honorable or worth spending a gold bar on.
“Jesus Christ! That’s the biggest donation I-I ever received.” You look at the camera with your face feeling a little flustered.
“How can I make it up to you?” This will bite you in the ass later.
The man privately messaged you. It says;
Go on a call with me, sweets. Stay on live.
Sketchy, but you didn’t wanna ruin this generous deal. You obliged, and you tell your following that you’ll go on a call with him, expressing your happiness and thanks. None of them opposed the idea, they probably wanted to interact with this unknown user who came into the community out of nowhere. Joking about how this bizarre online stranger was going to make you end up like those victims. And you were curious too, who was this guy? Who was Ghost?
His profile was just a default one, no bio, no additional excerpts, just a username. Hesitating at first, the unknown user startled you, it made you draw back and doubt. But you ignored your gut screaming at you to stop. You wanted to make your number one supporter happy, nothing bad right?
You started the phone call. Sitting there, anticipating for him to join.
“Hello?”
“Hey doll.” Wow. His voice was smooth and raspy. You blushed at the sound of his words, it was all rugged and yet deep. It was attractive, especially with that name he called you, you couldn’t help but feel heat rising on your cheeks. And chat wasn’t helping either, spamming in with comments of how nice he sounded, teasing with your sudden reaction, you could feel embarrassment furrowing into your body.
“Um- well I want to say a huge thanks to you man. Thanks Ghostie!”
He chuckled. Don’t do that!
“No problem sweet’s. You can make it up to me.” His comment piqued your interest. What can you do in return for his huge donation? Play a game? Do a silly prank? Or wear a costume? You didn’t know, but as much as bad as it sounded, it made you curious. The deal was so lucrative. It weighed like a mouse leading to a trap, and you were still wanting to know more. About him. About this mysterious man. About this fan that you couldn’t help but have your eyes on. You needed to know more.
“Pfft- Do I have to wear a cute dress or something?” You tease.
“Oh no doll, I wish though,” Huh? “Just a question would do.”
A question? This guy was really strange. Out of all the things he could’ve told you to do, he wanted to just ask you a question. Hell, you would’ve actually worn something for him if you really had to. He disregarded that option though. Something more he had in mind it seems.
“What’s your favourite horror movie?”
Strange, but nonetheless intriguing. You look back into your memory, thinking of the multiple movies you have watched. You always loved the horror genre, so it would be harder to pick out which ones you loved the most. Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser, Texas Chain Massacre, the list goes on, and you didn’t want to pick such a basic answer. Thinking back to your recent watches, you reminded yourself that you watched Halloween. And you enjoyed that movie, so you’ll use that as an answer.
“Mhm, Halloween. The guy with a white mask and blue outfit.”
“Good pick, cupcake. Why though?”
“Well it was a really good movie, it had a lot of scares and had me tense for a little bit and- chat don’t say that!” Oh god. Chat was telling your real honest opinion of the movie, and said you were lying. Laughing and spreading emotes, and told Ghostie that you liked the movie because of the killer. In a drunken state of mind in one of your past streams, you mentioned that you had the hots for Myers. It haunted you ever since, and you forgot that people remember that little fact of yours. You were punching yourself in the inside, dying from all the humiliation.
“You have a crush on Myers?” He asked, chuckling on the side. He was happy knowing he was your type.
“Yeah. God that’s so bad. I-I don’t know how to explain it, I mean he’s a killer!” You giggled in response. Admitting to how hilarious and humbling it is. All the while, the other side of the phone is smiling underneath the mask. Smirking with your cute answer, he can’t help but to awe at your little face cringing from chat nagging on to you. He couldn’t wait for you to realize that he was one too. A dirty, murderous, criminal, who has eyes on you. He couldn’t wait for you to look at him and see your adorable face.
“It’s not that bad, sweets. People love bad boys.” You could hear his grin even if you didn’t see his face.
“Ok, ok, just ask me a different question!”
“Alright, alright. Hm. You got a guy?” Oh christ! You stood aghast, a little shocked from the boldness. In front of viewers too, he didn’t care that you had fanboys or loyal people loving you. Yet, you played along, wanting to tease around as if you were interacting with a beast. You were too curious to give up.
“No, I’m too busy with streaming and school. Are you hitting on me or something?” His laughter ensued, it sounded mischievous.
“I don’t know, am I? Tell me doll, do you think I am?” He was playing with you. Taunting you. You didn’t know how to respond, it made you stutter with your words. You hated it so much. But, god, was it attractive.
“I mean- I don’t know! I think you are!” His laugh became even more boisterous. You were just so fun to tease. He never had a victim like this in a while. Never had a girl like you being so eager and yet so hesitant. It amuses him, your defiance brings him entertainment like never before.
“Oh cupcake! You’re making me laugh.” You giggle back to him. “I just have one more question.”
“Ok, ok. What Ghostie?”
“Where do you live?”
What?
You froze. You didn’t know if you were hallucinating what he just said, but the silence told you otherwise. He means it. Chat became quiet. They were just sending messages with emojis seconds ago, and now becoming fearful as you were. Your mouth went dry, and you could feel your throat perk up.
“I can’t, can’t say that.” Your eyes well up, what do you do?
His breath was becoming noticeable. And his voice changed into a more sinister tone.
“That’s okay. I already know anyway.”
He immediately left. And you look to chat. They were just as puzzled and terrified as you were. Shaken to your core, you end the stream. What just happened? It was supposed to be a joke, but now it ended up as something much more threatening and dark. Due to this, you jumped out of your seat, and ran to the door for the third time.
Checking the peephole, hoping to not see a single being outside your unit. Your hands were shaking. Nervous and petrified, you get away from the entrance again. Your brain was playing tricks with you, or there really was someone else playing with you.
Though, you could hear notifications going off in the background. Your fans were concerned for you. Asking if you were okay, if you were safe, and all you could respond with was a yes. It was a troll you assume. A terrible, scary one to be exact. Until a message popped up onto the top of your screen.
Ghost_F: See you soon.
Alarmed, you press onto the profile. It was deleted. Content unavailable. You were fucking freaked out. You called your friends, hoping to be comforted and gain help. But no response avails.
You sat there on your chair instead. Heart beating to the extreme lengths to the point where you could hear it ringing in your ears. Staring at the screen, looking at the message, trying to see if you can decipher its cryptic tone. Hoping to think positively, you put it aside and think it’s a joke. All streamers go through it, having a creepy encounter with viewers, and this is the same thing. Nothing dangerous is going to happen, it’s just some weirdo freaking you out. Right? Yeah it is. It’s just an offhand interaction.
Sighing, you closed the computer and went to the bathroom. Cleaning yourself up and pondering to yourself, if that was really true. And coming back to your bed, relaxing as you scroll on your phone to remind people that it’s just a troll. Mentioning you thousand of times with concern, and telling you it was a real threat. Although, you ignored it. Was it actually a threat? Probably not, because it’s been hours since the incident, and you were laying down on the bed. Nothing was going to happen.
You rest your eyes, and think ahead of the stupid troll. The creep with a sultry voice. You didn’t wanna mind it. It was just a fake threat after all.
You woke up. You heard a thump within the walls. Probably the neighbor's cat is acting up again. With your foggy brain and eyelids, you travel to your hallway and press the light switch to check what was there. You couldn’t tell if there was something black in your eyes, but you presumed it was nothing. You finally ended up in the kitchen from your hazed walk, and glanced at what was ahead of you.
The kitchen was empty. No creepy dude, it was fake!
You walked and got a glass in your cupboards. Your shorts were slowly sliding up as you tried to stretch to get a cup in the back of your cutlery. Feeling your shirt also slowly lifting up as you grabbed the object. Your feet finally face the ground when you are done getting the glass, and you turn your back around. Incline to having it be filled with water.
“Boo.”
The glass dropped. Forget water. You shrieked in horror. It was a man covered in a mask, cloaked with a black hood. The mask was detailed with a look of horror, eyes piercing hollow black, and wrinkles to enhance the uncanniness.
“You’re even cuter in real life.” No. No. No.
It was the killer your chat was talking about. It was the mysterious man who sent you the donation. And it was the user who threatened you on call. It all added up. You could feel you chastise your brain for being so foolish, for being so damn stupid. For being so curious.
“I-Is that you?” Your voice shakes in fear. He responds by caressing your face, and pining you closer to the counter beneath the cupboards you were just rummaging into. You feel your back slowly leaning back into the furniture, as he goes closer to you.
“Uh huh, it’s me baby.” His pet names made your stomach churn.
“Are you happy to see me, hm? I think you should be. I mean, I saw you blushing just by the sound of my voice, sweets.” He cackles at the end of his sentence. He enjoyed this. He enjoyed the way you looked at him with those pretty eyes of yours, pleading for his mercy. It was better than he imagined.
“You’re- you’re the killer? You’re, you’re-“
“Ghostface. That’s right baby. Awh, don’t tell me you’re terrified? Earlier, you said you had a little crush on Michael. I’m exactly your type. Maybe a little more talkative, but you get the idea sweetheart!”
He was snarky, condescending and overall, fucking with you. You didn’t know what else to muster but a little placid gasp as he leaned into you. He was built entirely different from yours, toppling your body. His hold backed you into a corner, defenseless and armless. It was a recipe for the end of your life.
“Look at you. Trying so hard to look away from me-“ His sharp blade went to your throat. Forcing you to stare at his blank dark eyes. You still resisted. “Don’t be such a bitch. I gave a generous donation, didn't I? Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy killing all of the guys crushing on you and stealing their money.”
“The fuck! You freak-“
“Freak? Rich coming from you. Babe, I’ve seen your search results.” He chuckled harshly. Oh god.
“It’s filled with some of the sickest shit. You love a killer. You know it’s so, so, so bad to like a man like me?”
“And your kinks. Oh sweet girl, you’re just asking to be gutted. And not in a bloody way either.” Even if he was covered behind a whole costume, you can practically hear his maniac smile. You can hear the tone of voice being clouded with figments of lust, and you hated it. But you proved his point, you could feel yourself squeezing your thighs, for some sort of stimulation, friction or movement.
“Mhm, I know what you’re doing sweetie. So needy.” His words were going to kill you before he ever could. It made your heart thump and filled your belly with butterflies. The attention was getting to you. You had to start thinking fast, to defend yourself in some sort of way. But his body and twisted words held you back from doing so. Although, that unwashed pan in the sink may be the trick. With no thought, you swiftly grabbed the cooking instrument, and swung into his head.
“FUCK! You goddamn whore, you’re going to fucking get it!”
You ran. Ran as fast as you could like those final girls in the movies you watch. Ran towards your bedroom, hoping to escape by jumping out of a window. It wasn’t the greatest plan, but breaking your leg out of survival, seems to be so much better than being a news headline. As you hastily open the glass window, sliding it in a painful slow motion, you put your whole body to ensure you flee. Outside was waiting for you, and you could see yourself escape from the monster. Just as you were so close to getting out of the building, you felt the hem of your shirt being tugged.
You tumbled down, hitting the floor. He grabbed you away from freedom.
“That was close. Ha, cupcake, you gotta be the feistiest one yet,”
“Makes you all the more of a treat to me.”
He puts his boot onto your back, stepping on your laying body. He tied you up with scattered ropes and brandished you like a present. You could feel your lungs giving up as he put more pressure into your figure, and your eyes started to tear up out of pain. Whines could be heard out of your mouth and you forced curses to be thrown towards your intruder.
“I warned you, didn’t I bitch?” He took a fist full of your hair, making you have to kneel and look at him. Putting you in a position that was very revealing. Right in front of his crotch. It was embarrassing, and yet your body was heating up.
“Just get on with it. Kill me.” Your comment was then returned with laughter. As if you were the one that’s insane.
“No, no, no way sweets. I have so much more to do with you, y’know?” He lowered his body, titling his head as he was now in your eye range. With his movement mocking you, as if you were a little puppy. “I’m doing a favor for you, baby.” His hands traced onto your legs, dangerously reaching down into inner thighs.
“You wanted a sick man to fuck you, right? I’m going to do that. I’m going to make you scream, making up for all the times that I saw you touching yourself, thinking about a slasher like me fucking you. I’m going to make you cry, making up for all those men who didn’t pound you right.” His gloved hands were now placed upon your pussy. Rubbing you up and down on your clothed slit, eliciting sweet sounds from you. You cried out to him, and he responded by making his fingers go faster.
“I’m going to make you mine. The only fucking thing you’ll think about is me, a murderer.” His touch was fucking you stupid, drool slowly dripped out of your mouth. He took notice of that and giggles ensued from his mouth. You were being so obedient, in such little time.
“Good girl. Look at you! I’m just rubbing your cunt, and you’re whimpering like a bitch. Fuck, baby.” There he finally stopped teasing you, and swiftly plunged his fingers within your shorts. A yelp escaped out of your throat, and he laughed even more. Panting, your hand grabbed his wrist, hoping for him to stop going so rough. It was immediately shut down, by his arm pinning your palms down. Showing how much more power he had over you. Manhandling you like a little toy.
“Ha- Ghos- Ghost-“
“You can’t even form a sentence. Fucking slut.” In a second, he stopped moving. He took his fingers out of your insides and you whined loudly. No no no! You were so close!
“You don’t deserve to cum. Not fucking yet. You will when you’re done your part, sweets.” He stood up, and towered over you. His hands were now fidgeting with the zipper of his pants, rushing for his erection to breathe. His ache lasted for hours, even before he came to visit you. When he was calling with you, he was so fucking close to just whipping his cock out and fisting it up and down with the sound of your voice. His obsession with you was that bad. It made him even more insane, seeing you afar and in hearing you, your flesh drove him crazy. With your ass around, he couldn’t focus on writing reports of his own victims, since his attention was all to you. He hated it. He hated how much he needed to fuck you, or kill you, it didn’t matter either way, he just had to have you. To make up for all the times he was too distracted to kill or report on news.
His dick finally came out of his slacks and hooded cloak. You were a little entranced. It’s been fucking ages since you took one in your mouth, probably because of him killing all of your suitors, and you felt unprepared.
“Suck. And don’t even fucking think of putting your teeth onto me.” You obliged. With your hands out of the questions, you made sure your mouth was able to take it. Slowly, you teased upon the tip and quickly made your way down his length. And with that, he responded with grunts.
“Fuckk, god. You’re so fucking good at this cupcake.” His hands fondled the top of your head. Resulting into him tugging the strands of your hair.
“Your mouth is so tight. Expected from a bitch like you. I can’t wait to fucking gut your pussy.” He rasped out, and soon his hands had moved to his rhythm onto your skull. Forcing you to bob up and down his dick. Your throat was now filled to the brim, and you started choking. He could hear you struggle, you mouthing that you couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t care. He kept on going, and your oxygen was dying out.
But he finally stopped when he realized you were going to actually pass out. Controlling himself from throatfucking you to unconsciousness, mainly because he wanted to hear more of your whimpers, but he considered you lucky. “Breathe babe, breathe.”
Taking a fresh gasp of air, away from the penetrating taste, he held your hair to the back. This probably was the only time he was ‘kind’ to you. And then you quickly went back.
Thrust after thrust, he was coming close. It was noticeable as his hands were becoming more frantic. Craving for a release. All the while you were squirming your legs for some sort of stimulation. The wet pooling onto your panties was driving you insane. You needed to be filled up, bad.
Finally he came into your mouth. The tangy substance filling up the space. Little drops were slowly falling down but he quickly wiped it from your face, looking proud of his work.
“Swallow it for me babe.”
You obeyed.
“Atta girl.”
You got up. But he quickly deflected your action.
“Ah ah. I’m not done yet.”
You looked at him with a furrow. As horny as you were, you still hoped this would be done shortly. But he still continues. Fuck.
“What- I thought-“
“Mr. Ghostface, please don’t tell me you’re gonna fuck me!” He mocked. “C’mon, I like my toys stupid, but you can’t be that fucking dumb babe.”
He pushed you into the bed. You lay upon your sheets catching your breath, and your cute top had a little peak of your breasts. Your face was filled with slob, and your shorts were absolutely drenched. A beautiful sight indeed.
“Wait, before I ruin you, let me just-“
He whipped out a camera from his back pocket.
Click!
“That’s it baby, that’s it.” He constantly rubbed on your thigh as he did a whole photoshoot of your body. Your back arches little by little as he continues to stimulate your skin. And his hand slowly takes something out of the backsides of his pants. A knife. You yelped out of surprise.
“Oh baby, don’t worry. I’m just going to remove your clothes. I’m not going to hurt you,” He snickered. Putting the blade upon the fabrics and ripping it apart to give a pathway. But he intentionally cuts a little part of your skin as he forcefully parts your pants. Allowing him to brand you. “Yet.”
Finally, you were bare. Fully naked and vulnerable in front of this clothed intruder.
“You look even better up close, y’know? Fuck. I just knew you were perfect for me.” His dick was caressing your folds, making you scrunch your eyes in response to control your whimpers. You were so sensitive, that little tears started forming from your eyes. “Maybe I should just fucking take you away. Maybe I should just keep you in some basement, naked and shivering, huh? But knowing from you, you’d probably fucking like it.”
“You’re a whore, you know that?” All you could respond was cute little grunts to his stimulation and comments, “Mhm, but you're my whore.”
He inserts it with no warning. You gasp out of shock. His dick was really caressing the corners of your insides. And you could feel contraction from the penetration. It felt like it couldn’t fit at all.
“Sh-shit! So god damn tight! God-“ Ghostface was spasming from the way you tightened around him. Even with the slow pace, it felt agonizingly strained and painful. But you didn’t mind at all, because of how much it was stretching you so well. Filling up the need and wants in every right direction.
“So- so much!” You whined. You didn’t know if you were pleading him to take it slow, or go rapidly fast, but you definitely wanted him to keep going. To keep pushing you to the brim until you can’t think anymore, fucked with no words left to speak. To keep rubbing up and down till you start screaming, babbling with no thoughts to fill in your head. You needed this so bad.
“I know, I know- fuck, christ doll.” The masked man shuddered upon his words. He was as smitten as you were. The way your hole pulsed and tightened as he went further. The way your face is all flushed and cute as he rammed into you. The way your breasts move up and down as he makes you spasm and moan. Your cute little eyes, struggling to keep wide open from the hazy sex. He really couldn’t get enough of you. He really wanted to you fuck you up more and more.
“Ha- I knew you would fucking like this. You love being a sick freak taking in a murderer's cock. You love it, don’t you, don’t you baby?” His hands were caressing your skin as you whimpered. The latex stimulating you as your mind runs wild on the touches and senses you were feeling. At this rate, you were going to finish, and it couldn’t help when you were contracting more and more.
“Yeah that’s right. I could feel your fucking cunt clenching me, you gonna cum? Hm?”
You gave no response, too dazed to comprehend what he said. He slapped your face for you to snap out of your drunken phase.
“I said, whore. Are you gonna cum around my cock?”
“Y-yes!” He started going faster. Abusing your cunt even more and more. You started gasping for air with the amount of assault he was doing to you. Bringing you to the edge. “Mr. Ghostface I-Im going to-“
“Aww, it’s so much isn’t it? Well too fucking bad. You can only cum when I say so, so fucking take it. Or i’ll fucking slice your throat into two.” He maliciously spat.
“Or are you that desperate that you would rather have me fucking gut you, just so you can cum? I wouldn’t even be surprised.” Laughing ensued after he remarked how pathetic and dumb you look. You were all mindless, continuously just taking in and out like a toy. And the worst part, you enjoyed it, loved it and wanted more and more.
“I’ll be nice this time. Beg for me.”
“Huh?” You muttered, confused and not knowing what he just ordered.
“I said beg. Are you fucking stupid? Beg. Beg for you to fucking cum. I know how much you fucking need it.”
You swallowed your pride. It’s too late to do anything more to save your face. Look at the state you were in. Sweat, back arching and drool slowly forming from your mouth. Nothing is reputable with this. You looked like a whore. And he knew damn well he made you into one.
“Ple-please.?”
“Is that all you got? Beg. Beg fucking harder!” He slapped your cunt in order to elicit a reaction out of you.
“I- fuck- fuck! Please, pleasee! Please let me cum! Please, Mr. Ghostface! Please, I need it! I fucking need it! I need it so bad! I need you to fucking fill me! Just- let me- me cum!” You were babbling at this point. Saying all of this under his will.
“I need it so bad! I need it. I need you! I need you!” You reached for his mask. Showing how terribly desperate you wanted for some kind of release.
“Atta fucking girl.” He put his mask to the side. “Come here.”
He penetrated with his tongue inside your mouth. You whisper and moan, faltering around his body. Your arms were frenzied all over his shoulders. You were needy. And most of all, so fucking horny.
“You wanna cum? Yeah?”
“Uh huh!”
“Go ahead, sweets. Cum around my cock. I’m gonna fucking fill you up.” There it went, his pace going harder and harder. Louder and more frantic.
“Cum for me. Cum for me, pretty. Cum for your fucking killer.”
And you did. With a loud whine you came around everywhere. A load filling you up as you spasm with his dick still in you. Your body automatically faltered on the bed, tired and so fucking full. He pulled out, having your cunt leak out all the fluids. You were absolutely fucking gutted.
Click!
You heard a camera snap. You would’ve protested but your legs would have probably given up if you tried.
“I’m keeping that one baby. Displaying it on the top of my fridge.”
“Here.” As his last ‘gift’ to you, he marked your neck. A purple bruise, prominent and easily noticeable.
“Stream tomorrow, cupcake. And show my fucking mark on you proudly.”
He wanted to make sure he was definitely your favorite follower. Wanted to show everyone one of your fans that you’re his now. And it was completely obvious with how much he had made you into his.
Next time, he’ll do it live. And maybe, he’ll bring some other fans he knows of.
Maybe that son of a bitch, Michael would join in.
“I’m your biggest fan, sweets. Don’t forget that.” He said, leaving you in your bed, while he left your house.
And he believed that you already knew.
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silvergyus · 3 months ago
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this kind of fits in with your rockstar txt concept a little bit idk but studio sex with producer!beomgyu and singer!reader. idk it's been on my mind for a while and I feel like you get it
ahhh!!! what a delicious concept I feel like I could've gone in 10 different directions for this one (which is why it took a while). I hope you like it 🩷🩷🩷
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pairing: producer!beomgyu x singer!reader
summary: the recording process comes with a few rewards, including but not limited to: global success, awards and accolades, and some special attention from your producer
warnings: afab reader (no prounouns used)/ cockwarming/ vague mention of consensual sexual audio recording/ lil bit of pinching/ use of "baby" for reader
word count: 600+
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“Right there. Listen to those drums in the back.” Your producer points out the rhythmic beat supporting your newest track. It’s the kind of beat that makes you want to sway your hips and dance- which makes it even harder to sit still on his lap.
You’ve been working with Beomgyu for years. All your favorite songs were produced by him here, in his small, cozy studio. You’ve been here a lot lately, logging hours in the recording booth and hours on the studio couch. Sometimes Beomgyu plays you the tracks, asks you what sound you’re envisioning and explains his thought process. Sometimes he plays with your pussy, laying you out on the worn cushions, eating you out until all you can say is his name. Sometimes- like right now- he does both.
Beomgyu leans forward to turn a dial on the giant board of knobs and switches, turning up the volume so you can better hear the intricacies of the mix. His movement drives his cock deeper into you, drawing a soft moan from your lips.
“Shhh, baby. Listen.” His voice ghosts over the shell of your ear as his fingers pinch at the soft skin of your inner thigh. You can’t help but twitch away from the teasing, moving yourself again on his dick, growing even wetter and more impatient as you wait for him to finish the playthrough and just fuck you already.
This is his favorite game to play. He loves to tease you with his fingers, get you so worked up and wet, then slip you onto his cock, sit back in his producer’s chair, and play you your album. If you bounce or grind your hips, he starts over from the beginning. It drives you crazy every time, makes you desperate, pleading with him not to pause, to play at two-times speed. That worked once- you’d asked to see what a sped-up tiktok version would sound like and he obliged. Instead torturing you to cum again and again bent over the mixing board after he guessed what you were up to.
His fingers find your clit, drawing large circles around it so that only the faintest of sensations register where you want it. “Final track baby. Think you can be good?”
You nod, desperate for the final, four-minute ballad to play through. You curse yourself for wanting to go all-out for this track. It was heaven when you recorded vocals last week, a rush of accomplishment and achievement. Now, it was hell to wade through as you forced yourself to sit still, Beomgyu’s perfect cock so hard inside you, filling you up perfectly.
The track ends, fading away to the piano melody that loops perfectly into the same melody at the beginning of the first track. If you were in your right headspace you’d note how skilled of a producer Beomgyu is, how he perfectly executed your vision and sonically expressed your emotions. But all you could think about as the final notes played out was how desperate you were to get well and truly fucked.
“So did you like it?” He twitches his hips up slightly to push into you.
“Obviously.” He rolls them again, welcome friction against your walls.
“What did you like specifically?” He was toying with you now, and you weren’t going to have it.
“I’ll tell you the specifics after you make me cum.” You turned as best you could on his lap, gazing up into his dark brown eyes.
He kisses your cheek, humming. “Hmm, deal.”
The red “recording in progress” light flashes on outside the studio doors as Beomgyu begins to snap his hips up into yours, holding you tight as he takes out the album length’s worth of pent-up need into your soaked pussy.
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author’s note: this is a work of fiction not meant to accurately represent the idol. please do not repost.
taglist: @lunesdesire, @dearlyjun, @moamidzyism, @miupow
send a message to be added or removed from my taglist!
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urno1luv · 17 days ago
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IM OBSESSED WITH THE SANA FIC!! can you make a noncon sana x aespamember!reader??
aespa and twice were having a collab and reader was unaware sana had been eyeing her for quite some time now,, any aespa member) points it out and you just shrug, thinking she was trying to look at something else and that u were just in the way, then the rest is u can continue it:)
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LOVE THIS IDEA!!! hope u like this ♡
maybe i should've done this in 2 parts bc this is pretty long😔also instead of twice collabing, i did sana x aespa for her mini album🙏
cw: noncon (at the end), power imbalance, implied prostitution?, sana lowkey crazy and distorts things to fit her reality, not proofread so excuse any errors🫶
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
The studio is alive with energy, you and the rest of the æspa members huddling around the recording booth. But you feel a different sort of energy prickling at the back of your neck—a pair of eyes that have been fixed on you since you walked in. Sana.
You knew working with someone like her would be intense. She’s a legend, someone you (used to) admire. So when you and the girls found out you would collab with her on her first mini album, you were all amazed. But the way her gaze settles on you, unwavering and almost hungry, isn’t anything like you first expected. Every time you glance up, she’s watching, smiling like she’s found something precious, and the weight of her focus makes it hard to breathe.
Karina also noticed the way Sana was staring at you, and she teased you for it. "Sana-sunbaenim seems to have a little fixation on you'" she says as she nudged you. You glared at your annoying friend, but couldn't help but feel really uncomfortable under her persistent staring.
When you take a break, hoping for a moment’s relief, she’s beside you before you can even take a step away. "You have such a unique voice," she says, voice soft and warm, but somehow possessive. "I've really… like... wanted to sing with you, especially on a project this important to me." Her eyes never leave your face, and you can feel the intensity simmering just beneath her words.
You try to keep your tone light, professional. "Thank you, Sana-sunbaenim. It’s… really an honor," you reply, shifting slightly back. But she doesn’t move, her gaze steady, her fingers brushing your arm in a way that feels too deliberate.
Hours pass, and the session winds down, but Sana’s attention only grows more intense. Every note, every line you sing, she’s there, watching, studying, like you’re the only person in the room. It’s as if she’s trying to memorize every movement, every glance. You try to ignore it, but there’s no escaping the weight of her presence.
Finally, as you gather your things, you feel her hand wrap gently around your wrist. The touch makes your skin prickle. You look up to find her standing close, too close, her eyes dark and unreadable.
“Y/n,” she murmurs, her tone heavy with something you can’t quite place. “I don’t want this to be the last time we see each other. There’s… something really special about you.”
A chill slides down your spine. You force yourself to smile, polite and distant. "I… appreciate that, Sana." Your short response to her compliment, slightly seemed to irk her.
Something shifts in her eyes, a hint of darkness. Then she smiles, as if nothing happened. “Oh, of course. I understand. But… I think you’ll come around. You just need time.” Her gaze lingers on your face, studying you in a way that feels intimidating.
You manage to pull your hand away, offering a quick goodbye before leaving the studio. But as you step out into the night air, you can still feel her gaze on you, like a shadow that won’t let you go. And you know, somehow, that this won’t be the last time. The thought sits heavy in your chest, a mix of dread and something darker that you can’t quite shake.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
A few months later, you and the girls got invited to MAMA, a famous award show. The interior is packed, the crowd buzzing with anticipation as you move through the backstage corridors. æspa is up for a big award tonight, in the 'Album of the Year' category, and you should be excited. But there’s a sense of unease that follows you like a shadow, something you haven’t been able to shake since that collaboration weeks ago.
It doesn’t take long before you see her—Sana, dressed elegantly, looking every bit the star she is. She’s surrounded by her group, TWICE, and is chatting with the girls. For a moment, you think she hasn’t noticed you, and relief flutters in your chest. But then, as if she can sense your presence, her eyes find you across the room, and that familiar smile spreads across her face.
You turn away quickly, hoping she’ll take the hint and leave you alone. But the rest of the night, you feel her gaze on you, just as intense as it was in the studio. It’s as if the crowded room only gives her more reason to focus on you.
During a break between segments, you slip away to the makeup room, hoping for a moment of quiet to collect yourself. You’ve barely taken a breath when the door opens behind you, and you freeze, recognizing her reflection in the mirror. She closes the door softly behind her, and the room suddenly feels much too small.
“Y/n,” she murmurs, her voice smooth and familiar. “I didn’t expect to see you alone.”
You try to keep your tone light, unaffected. “Just needed a minute to breathe.”
She moves closer, her eyes never leaving yours in the mirror. “Award shows can be overwhelming, can’t they?” she says, her arm wrapping around your shoulder, in a way that feels like a claim. “But you handle it so well. You always do.”
Her touch is insistent, and you can feel the tension building in the air, thick and heavy. You step to the side, hoping to create some space between you, but she follows, her head leaning down to breathe in your scent, arms trailing back to hold you tighter.
“Is something wrong?” she asks, her tone sweet but laced with something darker. Her eyes are too focused, too sharp, like she can see right through you. “You’ve seemed… distant since the studio. I’ve been waiting to hear from you.”
You swallow, forcing a polite smile. “I’ve just been busy.”
She leans in further, her voice dropping down an octave. “You don’t need to play hard to get, my love. I know you feel it too—this connection between us.” Her arms curl more around your waist, firm, like she’s daring you to pull away.
You take a slow breath, steadying yourself. “Sana, I… I think you might be misunderstanding something.”
For a brief moment, her expression falters, but then the smile is back, sharper this time. “Misunderstanding?” she echoes, her grip tightening more and more. “You can say what you like, but I know the truth. I’ve seen the way you look at me.”
She’s close, too close, and you feel trapped under the weight of her gaze. You look down, trying to find the words to end this, but your voice feels small, lost under her intensity.
Just as quickly as she stepped into your space, she lets go, smoothing her dress with a smile that looks almost amused. “Maybe I was wrong,” she says, her voice light, but there’s an edge to it that makes your pulse race. “Or maybe you just need more time.
With one last lingering glance, she turns and leaves, closing the door softly behind her, leaving you alone with the pounding of your heart and a sense of dread that settles deep in your chest.
You take a shaky breath, glancing at your reflection. The unease that Sana left behind lingers, like a shadow that won’t let you go. Somehow, you know this won’t be the last time.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
It’s early evening when the call comes. The company has scheduled a meeting with Sana, they say, per her "requests." You’re tired after rehearsals, and the memory of that encounter at the award show still lingers. The thought of meeting her again, alone, sets off alarm bells in your mind, but your manager insists. “It’s important,” she says. “Just for a couple of hours.”
Feeling dread inside, you find yourself in a car heading to Sana’s apartment, the city lights fading as you get closer. By the time you reach her building, a strange chill has settled over you. You press the intercom, and her voice comes through, warm and familiar, welcoming you up.
The door opens, and there she is, dressed casually but with that same piercing look in her eyes. She smiles, stepping aside to let you in, and the door clicks shut behind you. The air feels heavy, charged with something unspoken, and the silence stretches as you walk inside. Her apartment is elegant, understated, but something about it feels too intimate, too personal.
“Make yourself comfortable,” she says, gesturing to the living room. You settle on the couch, but her gaze never leaves you, following your every movement. You tell yourself to focus, and keep things professional, but there’s a strange energy in the air, something tense and unyielding.
Sana sits beside you, too close, her knee brushing against yours. “I’m glad you came,” she murmurs, her voice soft but laced with something darker. “I’ve missed you.”
You shift uncomfortably, trying to keep your tone polite. “So, what exactly did you need help with?”
She only smiles, watching you with an intensity that makes your skin prickle. “I think you know what you're here for, doll.” she whispers, leaning closer, her hand resting on your thigh. You try to get up, but she holds your shoulder, making a noise of disapproval.
“Sana,” you say, your voice wavering, “I… I don't do that... stuff.”
Her smile fades, replaced by something colder. “You don’t have to act clueless anymore. It's fucking repulsive.” You feel trapped, unable to look away from her gaze.
The room feels smaller, the air heavy and suffocating. You try to stand, to put some distance between you, but she pulls you back down again. “You don’t need to be afraid,” she whispers, her voice unrelenting. “I’ll make sure you understand… how much you mean to me.”
There’s an intensity in her words, a finality that makes your heart pound. You try to pull away, to find the words to end this, but they feel caught in your throat. Her grip tightens, her gaze dark and unwavering.
"Please, Sana.... stop it!!" your voice gets higher in pitch as she stands up and drags you, strangely full of strength. She pushes you against a wall, your back absorbing the force of it. Sana snarls at you, her eyebrows furrowed. "The quicker you let me do this, the quicker you can run back home to your little friends, got it?"
You sob, as you realise what you were really sent over to her apartment for. You were just a tool to gain more power and leverage in the industry.
By the time you leave her apartment, the world feels different, the weight of her filthy, nauseating presence still heavy on your skin. You walk out into the cool night air, but there’s no relief, no escape from the feeling that something has changed forever.
Sana's fingers roughly entering your pussy as you beg her to stop only turns her on further, her own panties getting soaked. She pulls them out slowly, then tastes them, moaning. "How could I resist you, Y/n? You taste so good." Sana undoes her belt, to reveal a strap, the tip jumping up to touch her stomach. You squeal as you feel her shove it in, your voice hoarse from begging. Sana groans as she begins fucking you, her hand pushing your back inwards to create an arch, other hand wrapped around your throat. You can feel her eyes scanning up and down your back, and whine as she suddenly tightens her grip on your neck, her rings digging into you.
..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ....
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thatsonemorbidcorvid · 10 months ago
Text
ON AN AUGUST night in 2003, a young woman who went by the name Paulina sank into the sofa of her modest, rented apartment, opened up her laptop, and began talking about sex with a man she’d recently met in a Yahoo chat group. His name was Stephen Bolen. His first communications had been terse, but he soon warmed to Paulina. It didn’t take long for both of them to begin to open up.
Paulina had told Bolen she lived in the Atlanta area, that she had a three-year-old daughter, that her daughter’s father was no longer in the picture. Soon, she was sharing more intimate details: what it was like growing up a skinny white girl in a rough neighborhood outside of D.C.; how her dad, a Marine, had died by suicide two weeks before she was born; how her mom had been emotionally and physically abusive, and had never really shown her love. How she’d had a sexual relationship with her stepfather.
Paulina would put her daughter to bed and then she and Bolen would chat throughout the night, over Yahoo and sometimes on the phone. The back-and-forth could feel like dating, but with an added element of danger and risk: Both Paulina and Bolen knew they were tiptoeing up to a line to see if they trusted each other enough to cross it. It could take a while to figure that out.
Eventually, Bolen asked Paulina to send pictures of her daughter, and she agreed to do so, though the ones she’d shared were chaste — the little girl clothed and her face turned away from the camera or obscured behind an untamable halo of blond curls. After seeing the pictures, Bolen asked to meet. While a lot of the men Paulina had encountered in chatrooms like “Sex With Younger” just wanted to trade images and videos of children, to expand their illicit collections, Bolen was a “traveler,” someone looking to act upon his obsessions.
On Sept. 17, just as they’d arranged, Paulina sat on a bench outside Perimeter Mall with a stroller parked in front of her, scanning the parking lot nervously. Part of her hoped Bolen wouldn’t show. When he did, she could see he was handsome, a preppy guy in a pink polo shirt and khakis. “Paulina?” he asked eagerly. She nodded. As he smiled and pulled back the blanket draped across the stroller, he found himself surrounded, handcuffs slipped around his wrists.
“Paulina” watched his face fall, his confusion giving way to distress as FBI agents took him into custody. It was her first undercover arrest. It would be the first of many.
[long read]
IF ONE WANTED to hide in plain sight, one could do no better than the tidy, suburban neighborhood on the outskirts of St. Louis, where FBI Special Agent Nikki Badolato now resides. The well-tended, two-story homes are so pleasantly indistinct that I could hardly tell you what hers looks like, even if it were safe for me to do so, which it is not. Suffice to say that Midwestern comfort and conformity unspool around every gently winding curve. Here Badolato has raised her two children, a daughter who is now in college and a son who is a junior at a local high school. When planning a neighborhood scavenger hunt or tending the community garden, Badolato does not often mention her many years as head of the Child Exploitation Task Force, a joint effort between the feds and local law enforcement that targets some of the country’s most heinous crimes. Open a cabinet in her kitchen, however, and a government-issued Glock 42 can be found stowed away between the vitamins and mixing bowls.
On a sunny morning this past October, Badolato sat at her dining room table, scrapbooks and albums spread out before her on the dark wood. There was the acceptance letter she’d received from the bureau the spring of her senior year of high school, after a representative had shown up to administer a test in the typewriting room. “I chose to wear a red dress and red heels,” she says of her first day as an FBI mail clerk, two weeks after her 18th birthday. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I guess maybe I was trying to go in bold?” She pauses at a picture of herself on the gun range at Quantico almost 10 years later, her shoulders squared and her caramel hair pulled back into a ponytail as she fires off rounds. By then, she’d married a man she met just after high school, had a little girl, completed college at night, and been accepted into agent training in the heady days after 9/11. She’d seen her first dead body only a few weeks into the job, after the pursuit of a bank robber ended with a shootout in a Walmart. When Badolato got to the scene, the body was still warm, and the perp’s head was resting on a bag of cookies. “It was surreal,” she says. “How many times have you been in a Walmart and walked down Aisle 4, not really expecting there to be a dead person with his head lying on a bag of Chips Ahoy?”
Badolato wasn’t deterred. She felt like the bureau saved her, plucked her out of a shitty home life, and gave her prospects and purpose. As a new agent, she was intent on proving herself worthy. “My training agent told me, ‘You know, Nikki, it’s a marathon, not a sprint,’ ” she says. “I was like, ‘That’s ridiculous. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.’ ” She turned a few pages to show a picture of the 391 kilos of cocaine and 140 pounds of meth she’d recovered on a single raid during a stint with a cartel squad, then pointed out another in which she poses with a five-year-old child she’d rescued, the little girl’s hair cut short because the kidnapper had wanted her to look like a boy. But the keepsake she really wants to find is the card that Bolen’s wife had pressed into her hand at his sentencing, the one with the picture of their children — a blond girl of about three years and a tiny baby — and the words “These are the faces of the children you protect each day.” Bolen’s wife had been the only one she’d ever encountered who had lobbied for her husband to receive the maximum sentence. Some wives accused the FBI of planting evidence inside computers. Most seemed intent on clinging to their delusions. (Attempts to reach Bolen for comment were unsuccessful.)
“Right now some little girl is being dropped off in the parking lot of a motel. There are four girls holed up in a hotel next to a McDonald’s. It is happening all the time.”
Which, Badolato has come to understand, is the way it goes with child trafficking and sexual abuse. She had invited me into her home — had agreed to speak on the record about her decades-long career working undercover — because when it comes to the crimes she’s spent her career fighting, she has had enough of the delusions people are under. She’s had enough of the way movies like Sound of Freedom both glamorize and trivialize the work she and her colleagues do, enough of the idea that swashbuckling white men burst through doors and rescue trafficked children with a Bible in one hand and a firearm in the other, enough of conspiracy theories about Hollywood and Washington that detract from the real root causes of why children are trafficked and abused. “Human trafficking is not the movie Pretty Woman — the girl doesn’t get the guy — and it’s not the movie Taken, where people are kidnapped in a foreign country and sold on the black market, or shipped in a container across the world,” one of the detectives who worked on Badolato’s task force tells me. “I’m not saying that doesn’t ever happen, but it’s not what we’re seeing.”
What they are seeing is a lot more insidious and a lot more homegrown. A report released in 2018 by the State Department ranked the U.S. as one of the worst countries in the world for human trafficking. While the Department of Justice has estimated that between 14,500 and 17,500 foreign nationals are trafficked into this country every year, this number pales in comparison to the number of American minors who are trafficked within it: A 2009 Department of Health and Human Services review of human trafficking into and within the United States found that roughly 199,000 American minors are sexually exploited each year, and that between 244,000 and 325,000 American youths are considered to be at risk of being trafficked specifically in the sex industry. Heartbreakingly, many of these children are victimized not by strangers who’ve abducted them from mall parking lots but rather by people they know and trust: Studies have found that as much as 44 percent of victims are trafficked by family members, most often parents (and not infrequently parents who were trafficked themselves). Between 2011 and 2020, there was an 84 percent increase in the number of people prosecuted for a federal human-trafficking offense. Of the defendants charged in 2020, 92 percent were male, 63 percent were white, 66 percent had no prior convictions, and 95 percent were U.S. citizens.
Badolato started her career as an FBI agent in some of the earliest days that children could be bought, sold, and traded online. As the internet-porn industry mushroomed, its most lucrative branch turned out to be that of child sexual-abuse materials (the term “child pornography” is no longer used by those in the field, as it implies consent). And as demand for these images increased, so did the abuse that led to their creation.
In 2003, just a few months after Badolato graduated from Quantico, a Crimes Against Children squad was formed in the Atlanta office where she’d been stationed. By then, the FBI was starting to get a handle on the extent of the problem — if not exactly what to do about it. At a weeklong training in Baltimore, Badolato was given a tour of the darkest underbelly of fetish chat groups and then instructed to figure out how to infiltrate. “Everyone was a little nervous,” she explains of the directive. “It was a process, a direction that was new.” Agents were told that they would need to come up with a “persona” and a “story,” and that they would likely have to provide images of children to “prove” they had a minor on offer. They were also told that they could use images of their own children, if they were comfortable doing so (the FBI no longer endorses this policy).
Badolato’s unit with a kidnapping victim after her recovery in 2011. A Health and Human Services review found that roughly 199,000 American minors are sexually exploited each year, and that as many as 325,000 American youths are considered to be at risk of being trafficked in the sex industry. 
Badolato developed “Paulina” based on her understanding that any persona would need to share most of her own backstory and traits. “That’s the only way you can really do undercover work,” Badolato says. “People can tell the sincerity in what you’re saying, so there has to be a level of genuineness, but then you just add this criminal element to it.” Most of the things Badolato had told Bolen were true: where she was from, her family background, the monstrousness of her mother, a woman who she says would pass out cigarettes and beers to Badolato’s 13-year-old friends in a state of manic permissiveness one minute and fly into a violent rage about a piece of lint on the floor the next. (Badolato’s mother declined to comment for this article, but a childhood friend corroborated Badolato’s account.) It was true that growing up in an unstable home with a string of stepdads, she had never really felt loved, true that she had divorced her first husband, true that she was raising their three-year-old daughter on her own. The only thing that wasn’t true was her tale of being molested, her initiation into the “lifestyle” — to use the chatroom parlance — that Paulina said she now wanted for her daughter. As Badolato had familiarized herself with the language and behaviors of the chatrooms, she’d honed that added criminal element, imagining what psychological conditions might believably lead a parent to traffic their own child and how those conditions could be grafted onto her real life story. She already had a history of abuse; it was not hard to extrapolate to a fictional stepfather who had seemed to provide a gentle counterpoint, showing her love and making her feel special when no one else had, even if others couldn’t understand. From there, it was easy to convince the chatroom participants that she shared their belief — or justification — that most people had it all wrong and that “child love” was natural, and could even be beneficial for the child.
Badolato estimates that she has arrested more than a thousand people; not one of those arrests has failed to end in a conviction. She didn’t know until she was in the thick of it that most agents refuse this sort of work, that most can’t even pretend to forge a relationship with someone looking to victimize a child. But she could. “Paulina,” she points out, is not a name she chose at random; it’s similar to her own mother’s name. Badolato says she had grown up learning to compartmentalize for the sake of her own emotional survival. She’d perfected the art of engaging with someone whose actions she couldn’t stand. Doing this work had felt like a way of taking her trauma and putting it to good use, of leveraging her past as a safeguard against her daughter’s and other children’s futures.
Of course there were moments that were hard to take — when suspects mentioned which brands of lubrication were best or whether or not a parent might hold a child down. There were times when she knew that even talking about these things was a turn-on for these men, times when the conversations made her nauseous, times when she’d lie awake all night or play back a recording and think, “Holy shit, I listened to this? I said these words?” But she kept faith in the mission. She reminded herself that the pictures she sent of her daughter — the beautiful, little girl sleeping in the next room — did not represent a real child on offer. “I was thinking, ‘If I send this obscure picture of my daughter and he acts on it, then he’s never going to harm my daughter or anybody else’s,’ ” Badolato says now. “I was presenting a fake girl to save a real one.”
KYLE PARKS SEEMED to think he could get away with anything. He seemed to think, for instance, that he could get away with running a brothel, a 1-900 sex line, and a housecleaning company out of the same Columbus, Ohio, office park and under the same oxy-moronic name, XXXREC and Hygiene Services. He seemed to think he could invite one young woman and five teenagers (four of whom he had only just met) on a road trip to Florida, but instead deposit them in two rooms of a Red Roof Inn in St. Charles, Missouri. When they piled out of the minivan — high on the drugs he’d given them — saw snow falling and asked to be taken home, he thought he could make a little money off them first. All it took was a few ads in Backpage — the Craigslist of sex advertisements — and men began showing up.
Even after things started going south for him, Parks couldn’t fathom that he wouldn’t prevail. When someone alerted law enforcement as to what was going on, Parks (who, according to legal documents, had been out getting food when the police showed up) burst into the precinct the next morning looking to bail his “friend” out. When questioned about the 88 condoms found in the back of his van, he said they had been prescribed to him by a doctor. After being taken into custody, he protested that he was being set up. Most people would have cut their losses and pleaded guilty, but not Parks. He thought he could take his case to court and win.
And it wasn’t impossible to imagine that he might. Badolato knew that even the tightest cases could go sideways when put before 12 people who would inevitably enter the courtroom with a cinematic sense of what sex trafficking was supposed to be. In fact, it wasn’t just the jury that Badolato knew she would need to convince; it was also often the victims themselves, young people who had internalized the exact same misconceptions about trafficking that the jury had — along with any number of other judgments society had thrown their way — and who were loath to submit themselves to a courtroom full of more judgment.
Of all of Parks’ underage victims, the hardest to pin down had been a 17-year-old we’ll call Sierra. Once she returned to Columbus, Sierra seemed to basically disappear. Calls to her mother’s number went unanswered. When one of the other victims managed to track her down in December 2016, a month before the case was to go to trial, Sierra agreed to meet Badolato on a blighted Columbus block with a string of dilapidated homes, climbing into the bureau’s Chevy Malibu with matted hair, dirty clothes, and a wary expression.
By this time, Badolato had remarried, had a second child, relocated to St. Louis, and taken over as head of the Child Exploitation Joint Task Force, which had become one of the most productive FBI teams in the country in terms of arrests and convictions. Meanwhile, as the internet streamlined the process of buying or selling any good or service, trafficking had become one of the fastest-growing criminal enterprises, estimated by the Department of Homeland Security to bring in $150 billion globally and considered by many criminals to be a superior business model: If caught, the sentences were often lighter than those for peddling drugs; and unlike crack or heroin, the same product could be “used” again and again and again.
Badolato taught her team of 20 how to do the online undercover work she’d trailblazed in Atlanta, tracking the movements of child-abuse material through the online underworld and then prosecuting those who distributed and produced it. Her new squad also initiated her in the type of undercover work it had been doing before her arrival: covert sting operations in which a detective would pose as a john, set up a “date,” and then meet said date in a hotel room fitted out with hidden recording devices while, in the next room over, a taskforce team listened in, waiting for the code word that would let them know that enough evidence had been gathered for them to swoop in and shut the op down. This had proved a very effective technique for getting convictions, but Badolato’s arrival coincided with both a growing sentiment that consensual sex work had been over-criminalized and an increasing awareness that what looked like consensual sex work might actually be trafficking, no matter what the “date” professed in that hotel room.
Badolato has a tendency to say aloud the things she notices — about you, about others, about situations — observations that are not at all unkind but are perceptive enough that most people would keep them to themselves. She points out when someone deflects, and she has a sharp eye for defense mechanisms. She once casually mentions my tendency to mirror other people’s vocal and speech patterns. She is not shy about bringing up the emotional and physical abuse she says she experienced as a child, and she is quick to comment when someone is making excuses for someone else’s behavior. It was soon clear to her colleagues that Badolato brought a trauma-informed mentality to the work, a tendency to look beyond what someone was doing and instead try to parse why they were doing it. And she was relentless: While some squads did one or two trafficking sting ops a year, her team was doing four or five a month. In addition to the hotel rooms reserved for the john and the team, they would have a social worker set up in a third room, ready to offer services to the victims. They would have lookouts stationed to see who might be dropping the date off. If that date was found to be underage, the case was automatically classified as trafficking. But even if they weren’t, Badolato’s team was primed to get to the bottom of what was going on, to figure out whether they were being manipulated or coerced, and by whom.
“If I could put my hands on a pimp, that’s what I wanted,” says Jeff Roediger, a St. Louis county detective who was the “john” for many of Badolato’s sting ops and who makes clear that the team was not interested in policing voluntary sex work. “When I had those types of cases, and I knew they were being sincere with me, I wouldn’t book them,” he says. “It was all about talking to the girls. It’s not like in the movies where they come running to you. You know, ‘Thanks, you rescued me!’ It’s not like that. A lot of them try to bullshit you at first — ‘That’s my boyfriend, blah blah blah’— but once I talked to them for a while, they would become more forthcoming.”
Badolato’s unit was one of the first in the country to take on this “progressive and proactive” approach, as she puts it. Soon, St. Louis looked like a sex-trafficking capital — not because it was actually trafficking more victims than other cities but because the task force was so aggressively pursuing those cases, and classifying them as what they were. “I mean, I was working in vice for years,” says Roediger. “Back in the day, it was always ‘prostitution,’ ‘prostitution,’ ‘prostitution’ — until we started to figure it out a little bit, until we started digging a little deeper.”
Once they did, the task force found that roughly a third of the sex-trafficking victims they recovered were under the age of 17 — and they began to see the reach of the problem. Kids were being trafficked out of every hotel in the area, from the seediest roach motel to the fanciest Ritz-Carlton. They were being trafficked every time of day and by every socioeconomic group (“Before you go do brain surgery, you got to bust a nut real quick,” one underage victim told Badolato of her high-end clientele). Some of the victims were girls. Some were boys. Some were LGBTQ kids who’d been kicked out of their homes. Some were straight cis kids from the suburbs. “I tell people that I could probably name two or three [kids] in the school district they live in that have been trafficked,” Roediger says. “And they just can’t comprehend it.”
“If I can be perfectly honest, I truly don’t believe that the FBI realizes what they put their agents through doing that kind of work.”
There were kids who were about to age out of foster care (a particularly at-risk group, according to those who work in the field), kids who’d run away, kids who were being sold to pay their family’s rent, or to buy their family member’s drugs. There were kids who’d sit in the hotel room, backpack at their feet, dutifully working on their math homework while agents and social workers tried to figure out what to do with them. Was their home life safe enough that they could be returned to it? Would a residential program take them? Of all the imperfect options, which would make them least likely to be trafficked again?
The one common denominator was this: They all had a vulnerability that could be preyed upon. They all lacked a safety net — societal, familial, emotional, or some combination thereof — that might have broken their fall. Mostly, their stories weren’t dramatic; they were typical American tales of neglect, of abuse doled out casually, of a steady stream of letdowns by people and institutions who should have propped them up. Badolato found that she had a knack for getting them to talk about this, for getting them to open up to her. She didn’t look like an FBI agent — at least not what they’d imagined. She spoke softly, but with authority and a slight vocal fry. And she thinks that, at some level, they could probably sense that she’d once been a vulnerable kid too, that with only a few slightly different twists of fate, she could have become a trafficking victim herself — and that she knew it. “My trauma looks different than theirs, but it’s trauma nonetheless,” she says.
“And I think victims can feel that.”
AS THE TASK force learned more about the psychology of victims, they also learned more about the ways in which their vulnerability was being manipulated, and how those ways were evolving. It was known in law-enforcement circles that once a skilled trafficker set his or her sights on a vulnerable young person, they could be groomed in a matter of days: one day for an introduction, a day or two to make the victim feel special and cared for, and then the day when a “friend” comes over and he needs to be “cared for” as well. Sometimes violence was involved at that point; sometimes drug use was involved throughout. But emotional manipulation was the key element, which is why it was so easy for grooming to move online, for groomers to take advantage of the false senses of connection fostered on social media.
Of the victims who are not being trafficked by family members, the majority are being groomed in this way. “I would say that probably 75 percent of the initial grooming is happening online now,” says Cindy Malott, the director of U.S. Safe Programs at Crisis Aid International. “Recruiters used to have to work really, really hard to get access to kids, but now they’re practically sitting in a child’s bedroom. And kids put everything out there — what’s going on in their life, who they’re angry about, parents are going through a divorce, their insecurities about their body, about themselves, what they do, how they spend their time — so it’s like a gift to these predators.”
The ways to manipulate are legion: Get a kid to send a compromising photo, and she’ll do almost anything to keep you from sending it out to all her Facebook friends; find out a gay kid is still closeted, and the threat of outing him gives you incredible power. And predators aren’t just on Instagram and Snapchat; they lurk in the chat functions of Roblox, Minecraft, Grand Theft Auto. “They’re everywhere,” says Malott. “People think, ‘Oh, I just got to keep my kids away from those porn sites, those horrible places.’ Well, no, predators are gonna go where the kids are.” And once there, they’re going to zero in on the kids who are most vulnerable.
That’s what got to Badolato. In her online undercover work, she’d plumbed the psychology of pedophiles, but now she wasn’t just dealing with suspects; she was spending time with victims and seeing the same vulnerabilities in them that the traffickers had seen: the instability or poverty, the addiction or mental health issues or abuse that had been normalized in their lives long before the traffickers entered them. Sometimes Badolato couldn’t help but feel that all the conspiracies and misconceptions weren’t just a distraction from the truth of trafficking but rather some sick attempt to let society off the hook for trying to solve the much more intractable problems at trafficking’s root.
“People would rather stick their head in the sand than address the real problem, because then you have to face and talk about the societal issues,” she says. “With a movie like Sound of Freedom, it’s like, ‘Oh, this is in a jungle in South America. This isn’t actually in [my neighborhood].’ You know? It’s easier for people to ignore the problem than deal with the issues on a societal level.”
BY THE TIME Badolato was sitting in that Chevy with Sierra, on that blighted Ohio block, she knew that the rate of revictimization for children who are trafficked was as high as 95 percent, according to FBI reports. She knew that 90 percent of sex-trafficking victims have a history of child sexual abuse, that more than 75 percent had lived in foster or adoptive care. She knew that she could arrest one perpetrator, and another would pop up in his place, that she could send one pimp to prison and the same victims would show up to stings some short time later, run by a different crew. She knew that testifying was a way for Sierra to psychologically push back against what had happened to her, and she was right: After the young woman took the stand on Jan. 10, 2017, Parks was found guilty and sentenced to 25 years; while testifying, Sierra had seemed to transform, to channel and embody a sort of empowerment. But Badolato also knew that once her testimony was over, Sierra would go back to that blighted block. She wondered how long that empowerment would last.
She also wondered about her own trajectory, her own ability to continue doing this work. The youngest trafficking victim she’d ever recovered from a sting op — an 11-year-old who’d been recruited through Facebook — had been returned to her family in a house that had no heat (Badolato had used an FBI slush fund to get it turned back on). One did not become immune to the human misery of such things. They compounded, became harder and harder to compartmentalize. “It’s just a combination of all of those years — and it’s all awful,” she says. “But there are particular moments that, for one reason or another, you can’t get out of your head. I just don’t think it’s in human nature to be exposed to that for so long and it not start changing who you are.”
One night, at a restaurant near where Badolato lives, I ask her whether she thinks children are being sex-trafficked right then, in that very moment, in just the mile or two radius around us. She’s quiet for a long time, her gaze fixed downward at her glass of wine. By the time she looks up, her whole body is trembling. “It’s happening right now,” she says quietly. “Right now some little girl is being dropped off in the parking lot of a motel. There are three or four girls holed up in a hotel next to a McDonald’s. It’s not only when we think about it. It is happening all the time. And if I’m just sitting here, present, having dinner, not thinking about it, that means I’m ignoring a problem that I know is real.” Tears stream down her face.
“Many images have never left my mind,” she says. “It’s really hard to have worked your entire life in law enforcement with a lot of child crime victims and be at the end of your career looking at the situation where you realize you can only do so much to make a difference.” Badolato wipes back the tears with the palm of her hand and shudders her head, as if she can shake the thoughts away. “Damn,” she says. “Fuck. I shouldn’t be the one crying. I’m not the victim of this.” The veteran agent steels herself and repeats, “I am not the victim.”
THE HOUSE WHERE Korina Ellison says she was first sex-trafficked no longer exists. It once stood on an unassuming lot in a residential suburb of Portland, Oregon, that stumbles down to the banks of the Willamette River. Now, Ellison can’t quite bring the house’s features to mind. She was so young back then, maybe four or five. There is so much she’s repressed, or only pieced together after the fact. As a child, she wouldn’t have known what she now believes to be true: that her grandmother scored her drugs by offering up her youngest daughter, Ellison’s mom. Or that, once her mom was hooked on the meth cooked by the man who’d lived in that house, she’d known just what to do to get more. But Ellison does remember being inside the house, unclothed. She does remember how the man would touch her.
Her life unspooled from there. Her father died of a heroin overdose when she was six. Her mom lost custody for good. She bounced around foster care, then various residential institutions, then whatever shelter she could find. In the story she tells of how she was sex-trafficked again in her teenage years, there’s no moment of drama, no kidnapping, no clear coercion. There was just a random, rainy afternoon when she had no place to go and was alone in the street and a car pulled up. The man inside took her home with him, fed her, introduced her to his girlfriend. They took her shopping. They let her stay. When men showed up at the home to have sex with the woman, Ellison was invited to watch, but she wasn’t expected to participate — not at first, anyway. According to a statement Ellison later made to law enforcement, she just “realized that people aren’t going to take care of [me] for free.” Soon, the woman was posting Ellison’s services on Backpage — $150 for half an hour, $200 for a full one — and the trio were traveling the Midwest. For a long time, it didn’t even occur to Ellison, then 16, to leave. “Where would I have gone?” she asks. “I’d been missing for over a year. Nobody was looking for me.” When the man told her to call him “Daddy,” she complied.
That was more than a decade ago, near the beginning of Badolato’s tenure as head of the Child Exploitation Task Force. But by 2021, leaving it had seemed a necessary form of self-preservation. One of her last cases had gone well legally: The perp, a retired police officer from California who had produced child sex-abuse materials of three sisters in Manila, had pleaded guilty to such charges when he learned that Badolato had brought the girls to the states to testify against him. But the experience had been emotionally devastating for Badolato, who had wanted the sisters, then 16, 13, and 11, to have memories of the U.S that consisted of more than reliving their trauma in a courtroom. She took them shopping and to the zoo, invited them to her home to have dinner with her own family, saw them slowly start to open up and laugh and behave like the children they were. Then she’d had to put them on a flight back to Manila, back to the aunt who had allowed the man to abuse them and who Badolato had been unable to extradite. Fortunately, she says, their estranged father ended up intervening and taking custody of the girls, but that feeling of futility in the fight lingered.
“I stayed for a little bit longer after that trial, but it really was when I should have been able to look myself in the mirror and say, ‘Nikki, you’re done,’ ” Badolato had told me in St. Louis. “It became clear that I had been doing it too long.” She’d spend the last couple of years working national security, a position without the immediacy of child-exploitation work, but also without the heartache. “If I can be perfectly honest, I truly don’t believe that the FBI realizes what they put their agents through doing that kind of work. I just don’t,” she says.
And yet, here Badolato was in Portland, leading Ellison, now 30, up to her hotel room, telling her about all the announcements she’d heard in the Atlanta airport instructing travelers to be on the lookout for sex trafficking. “It’s like white noise in the background,” she says as Ellison settles into the sofa. “It’s a false sense of doing something to help.”
“Here’s the thing: Nobody knows what to look for,” Ellison agrees.
“And what about the victims who are in that airport, who are walking around and listening?” Badolato asks.
“I wouldn’t have even heard that announcement,” Ellison replies. “Because I didn’t feel like a victim. It goes a lot, lot, lot deeper than anybody realizes.”
That’s what she and Badolato both understand. That’s why they started talking eight months ago. Of all the teenage victims Badolato’s task force recovered, Ellison is one of the few who she knows has permanently extricated herself from being prostituted, though it took years for her to get to that point, years for her to see that what happened to her was not her fault but rather a fault in the system, a fault in many systems over the course of generations. Neither she nor Badolato can fix that.
Yet they can’t help feeling like there’s something they can fix — or at least try to. Under the umbrella of an organization she’s founded called Innocent Warriors, Badolato created a program for schools, instructing educators on the signs that might indicate a student is being trafficked and teaching kids how to avoid getting groomed online, which, she believes, is not about stranger danger but rather an awareness of subtle manipulation. Ellison has been working with trafficked youth through nonprofits like Children of the Night, the residential program where Badolato’s team sent her when she was 17. Together, they’ve been talking about having Ellison help train undercovers who are learning to do trafficking sting ops. They’ve also discussed starting a mentorship program in which children who are still being sex-trafficked are paired with young adults like Ellison who once were, providing a way for victims to begin to envision a different future for themselves and a path toward it even while being prostituted. Such a program may be retroactive rather than proactive, but it would capitalize on Badolato’s and Ellison’s experience and expertise — and it could help in the healing of mentors and mentees alike.
Badolato had traveled to Portland for the two to talk face-to-face about how the program might work. “You have to understand how they’ve been traumatized because sometimes, to a child, relating doesn’t sound like you’re relating. It sounds like you’re pointing out all the bad things in them,” says Ellison from the driver’s seat of her Nissan Pathfinder as she drives Badolato around to show her certain landmarks of her past after she’d left Children of the Night: the bridge she’d slept under for over a year after a boyfriend had gotten her hooked on heroin, the blocks downtown where she’d bounced between a children’s shelter and the needle exchange. It had taken a prison sentence for her to finally break her addiction and commit to a different kind of life, though that evolution had had less to do with not having access to drugs than with seeing her own mother cycle in and out of the same facility — like looking into her own future and witnessing how bleak it would be. Maybe, she thought, she could provide the inverse of that for kids in Innocent Warriors. Maybe she could reverse engineer her own escape.
“I just want to make it very clear that if you were a victim, you are a victim, and just to not have any shame in that,” she tells Badolato as they drive through Portland’s misty streets.
“What I anticipate and hope is that then we get survivors that are like, ‘They get it,’ ” Badolato replies. “And that it opens up doors to help, for people to recognize that there are people who get what’s really going on.”
“It took a really long time for me,” Ellison says of coming to terms with her own victimhood.
“It’s like reworking your thought process about some of those things,” Badolato agrees. “And that’s hard, and it happens slowly over time, and it looks different for everybody.”
Ellison grips the wheel tightly. “The truth does matter. It does. The truth is the fucking truth. And it’s been empowering to be able to talk about it because that’s another way that I’ve realized, like, ‘Man, I was a victim,’ is re-going over all of this. Because when it happens so many times, you do blame yourself. It’s a lot easier to just continue to live in a lie than believe that you were lied to.”
Still, Ellison and Badolato agree that the impressionability that makes children vulnerable is also what makes them open to guidance and mentorship if a relationship of trust can be established. “What do you think a parent does? They groom you. I’d been waiting to be guided and groomed,” Ellison says.
It’s been instructive to see that potential from another perspective, as a mother doing the guiding. As the afternoon wears on, Ellison stops to pick up her then-15-month-old son, who was being watched by a social-worker friend. She buckles the little boy into his car seat, ruffles his hair, and passes him a bottle. He grins widely and begins removing his shoes and socks, throwing them gleefully onto the floor of the car and then kicking his tiny feet in time with the music as Ellison glances back at him and smiles. “Kids are so perfect,” she says.
The last stop of the day is the large plot of land where the drug dealer’s house once stood. Now, it’s been turned into a playground, with brightly-colored jungle gyms, a covered picnic area, and a large lawn, where a couple leisurely walks their dog. Ellison and Badolato climb down from the car and stand at the park’s edge, as Ellison’s son toddles around the grass, oblivious to what had transpired in that very spot. There is some form of poetic justice in the land being earmarked for children’s enjoyment, but neither woman voices it. Mostly, they’re quiet. Night is falling, the air growing cooler, and the gray sky fading into dusk.
“You would never think a park could hide what it used to be,” Ellison says at last. And yet it did. Driving off with Badolato at her side and her son babbling happily in the back seat, Ellison glances in the rear-view mirror, but only for a moment. Badolato keeps her eyes fixed only on the road ahead.
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loveandpeaceanddoughnuts · 21 days ago
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growing old with Nanami Kento
He loves every new wrinkle and gray hair of yours, cherishing them as proof of the years you've shared
You love seeing his body grow soft, no longer forcing himself to maintain solid muscle, no longer needing it
He fills albums with photos of you, his perfect muse, from posed vacation shots to candids of you in everyday life
You have well-worn routines, a bed shaped by the way you curl around one another each night, private little traditions for special days
He memorizes your idiosyncrasies, can sense your moods and navigate them easily, patiently
You know all his stories, how to draw him out of dark days, how to comfort his nightmares and bring him back to the light
He smooths the rough edges of your world, shoulders burdens with you, reminds you of your strength
Your adventures together turn into memories, stories told and retold until the cadence of them are like favorite old songs
Your laugh lines mirror each other’s, a lifetime of joys etched in wrinkled skin: grand, mundane, hard-earned, miraculous.
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strawbeerossi · 1 year ago
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If You Leave Me
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Pairing: Fem!reader x Spencer Reid
Description: After coming home, Spencer has nightmares of his wife leaving him after the weight of prison weighs on him after his release.
Content Warnings: Depression, mentions of problems with eating, nightmares, fear of abandonment, mention of parental abandonment, spoilers for the prison arc, mentions of blood and being beaten, anxiety, there’s a panic attack, general angst, light fluff towards the end
Word Count: 1.4K
Navigation || Masterlist || Join My Taglist || Request
'The Show' is so amazing, so I might make more based on each song on the album.
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“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” John F Kennedy.
Spencer had faced change for his whole life. Between his father leaving him with no explanation when he was a child to his mother’s schizophrenia spiralling, he was the poster child for adapting to the plethora of things that life can throw at you and making the best of things.
Child abandonment coupled with a mother whose illness was worsening, there was a lot of pressure on him at a young age. Spencer wanted to take care of his mother, make sure she was safe and sound. He enjoyed lying with her and reading, spending his time with the woman who he cared for. He struggled with making many friends.
Not a lot of high schoolers want to be friends with a twelve-year-old child prodigy. He was the target of relentless bullying, his safest place being home where he could read in the comfort of his own bedroom.
Most children who had any form of trauma as a child turned out to be psychopaths, incapable of empathy and most who exhibited those symptoms were serial killers, he was quite the opposite. Spencer would say that he turned out alright. 
Three PHDs, being a supervisory special agent for the Behavioral Analysis Unit, as well as being a literal genius. He had a team of people who loved him dearly, a good amount of godchildren who he adored, as well as a beautiful wife who did so much for him.
When Spencer was imprisoned, his experience killed a piece of him. The once sweet, innocent Dr. Spencer Reid was now a man who was more prone to showing his complex emotions, his temperament changing. He wasn’t nearly as talkative, he was having a harder time processing things that used to take him mere seconds to understand. It was why they had placed him on a weird schedule; every one hundred days spent in the field would have thirty days off following behind. He thought it was the stupidest decision they made.
Despite all of his protests, nobody would hear him out. It brought on the thoughts of him being untrustworthy. After all, he did kill Nadie Ramos. He may have been under the influence of drugs but that didn’t excuse a damn thing. He killed her with his bare hands. 
That haunted him. The fact that he could be capable of madness, capable of murder. It didn’t help that soon after, he was producing a tampered batch of drugs that he was being forced to push within those four cement walls.
Everyone told him that it wasn’t his fault, that some people were pushed to dark acts in order to ensure their survival. After all, a federal agent in the general population sector was a huge target, someone who would have a lot of enemies. Too many enemies.
After his release, there came a plethora of emotions. Y/N was a saint, patient as could be and more loving than he ever could’ve hoped for. Even when he was dissociating into his mind to shield him from all too familiar territory, she was right there. It had gotten to a point where he severely depended on her, the attachment so strong that he would follow her around the house as if he were a kitten who needed constant attention. 
Dinner was hard, the man having to be reminded that he could take his time to eat and he had no risk of someone coming and taking it whether he allowed them to or not. There were nights where he wouldn’t take a packet of cookies from his wife, stressing over having to ‘pay her back’. It took a lot to break him out of that routine.
Don’t get him started on the nightmares. They were vivid, placing him back to the night when he was beaten in prison or to the day where Luis Delgado had his throat slit in front of him because of his own choices. It was like he could still feel the warmth of the crimson blood staining his hands in the failed attempt to stop the bleeding. 
In addition to nightmares that were filled with blood and violence, there was another recurring nightmare. One that killed him more than any sort of guilt of association ever could. It started out the same way every time, he would come in the house after a long winded case. There would be a lot of stress on his shoulders, a tightening in his chest because of the fact the case didn’t end the way the team had anticipated. He would then walk into the kitchen, where Y/N would be waiting for him. There was no sweet greeting, no kiss against his lips while she hugged him and cried about missing him. 
Instead there was a tense silence, the usually warm apartment freezing. She would turn to him, her eyes filled with exhaustion, no glimmer of love shining over them as they faced one another.
“I can’t do this anymore. You aren’t who you used to be, this time by myself has made me realize that I am much happier without you here. I don’t have to coddle you, treat you like a baby. I just can’t bring myself to love you anymore.” 
Spencer was waking up in a cold sweat, his body jolting upwards on the mattress while his other hand was quickly, yet cautiously reaching beside him to feel his wife’s shoulder. The touch had Y/N stirring awake, a gentle frown on her face. “Spencer?” Her voice was filled with drowsiness, her hands slowly pushing her to sit up on her knees while her free hand was leaning over to turn on the bedside lamp. 
Any form of annoyance from drowsiness was wiped away when she noticed her husband’s state. His face was drenched in sweat, his chest was heaving from the impending anxiety attack, he was unable to talk as his body trembled. “Shh, hey.” Y/N whispered as she was shuffling closer, pulling back the duvet so she could carefully pull her husband into her arms. 
Her fingers were threading through the messy curls, a weak sigh leaving her lips as she could feel his arms tightly wrap around her torso, practically squeezing the life out of her.
“I’m here. It’s okay, baby, I promise. Luis dream again?” She asked softly, her lips pressing a kiss to the crown of his skull.
“You left.” His voice was hoarse, the tears joining in soaking his face the same way that the sweat had done over the course of the night. “Baby..” Y/N whispered while her fingers were lightly scratching over his scalp, her cheek resting against his head as she was being hugged tightly, as if she would disappear if Spencer let her go. “I’m not going anywhere. You know that.” Her words were dipped in that sweet assurance, her eyes slowly fluttering shut. 
Spencer faced enough people who abandoned him in his life with little to no explanation, she could never be added to that list. He spent three long and gruelling months in a maximum security prison for a murder that he was pushed into doing under the influence of a drug that Cat Adams and Lindsey Vaughn got their hands on. 
This wasn’t like he was a man who snapped and murdered an innocent woman because of deterioration of his sanity. He was absolutely nothing like the men and women he hunted down for his job, she tried to push that every time that she could. “You’re a good man, you know that. I would be a fool to leave you.” She said softly. 
As her body was eventually laying down against the mattress, she couldn’t help but smile once Spencer quickly followed her movements. Her legs were spreading in order to invite him between them, the male laying on top of her as his head was against her chest. “There we go..” She cooed softly, her fingers continuing to comb through the tousled curls. 
With his cheek now smashed against his wife’s chest, he listened to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat. 
The drumbeat mixed his wife’s sweet words of assurance and the warmth of her love radiating against him was enough to have Spencer starting to drift off to sleep. 
How did he manage to get so lucky to have a woman who wouldn’t give up on him?
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cult-of-husbandos · 11 months ago
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karasuda ren [soft!yandere] - All I Want For Christmas Is A Cute Yandere!
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synopsis: you're spending another Christmas alone. there's only one thing you want and there's only one person who can make it happen. but, shenanigans occur!
genre: a little crackish, fluff, holiday love
word count: 6.29k
warnings: binge drinking, kidnapping, a little claustrophobia
Ahh, Christmas Eve. The most festive and romantic time of year. The city has never looked so bright and beautiful than when it’s decorated with wreaths and tinsel on every pole and building and fairy lights illuminating a soft glow of the pillowy snowy streets of your city. Not to mention the sights and sounds that sing this otherwise boring, claustrophobic place into jolly merriment. The delicious smells of bakeries and restaurants serving cakes and pies and nauseatingly sugary Christmas cookies. Buskers singing Christmas songs to afford a decent meal. Last minute idiots scrounging the shelves in stores and causing scenes to get that one important present or Christmas is ruined. Families walking with their children with excitement on their faces about what Santa will bring them tonight. Happy couples walking hand in hand and sharing hot cocoa and sweet treats before they get home. Retail workers resisting the urge to shoot themselves when Mariah Carey’s winter album plays for 6667th time that day.
Yes, it seems that everyone was in a rush to get home to be with that special somebody tonight.
EXCEPT FOR YOU!
Day after day. Year after year. Holiday after fucking holiday!
Seriously! It should be against the fucking law to have to work on Christmas Eve. Especially, when the workplace is complete ass and your coworkers take turns using the singular brain cell that seems to float aimlessly around the office. When you were just a fresh newbie, you used to blame your singleness on your work. ‘I don’t have the time right now, I should try when I get used to the environment.’ That was your thought process. But, now you know that it was all complete horseshit! The real reason you can’t make time for anything, let alone a relationship, is because your boss and your coworkers are required by the laws of fate and destiny to cockblock you until you’re that old Karen calling the cops on your neighbors for having too bright lights in their yard. When you first got hired, you promised that you wouldn’t become like the old greedy ladies at your work that glared at the smallest hint of happiness and bitched about it on their ‘Moms Against…’ Facebook groups.
Yet, here you are. Hours before Christmas, shuffling home like a morally depleted penguin hating every single happy and smiling face you came across. Even the forced ones.
As you trudged through the dirt clodded snowy and slippery as hell sidewalk, you couldn’t help but unintentionally glare at every single couple you passed by. Happy smiles adorned their faces as they shared intimate kisses and huddled together for warmth. You tried not to gag or roll your eyes because it wasn’t really their fault. They were just enjoying the festivities and snow. You on the other hand are huddled into yourself trying not to bust your ass in the middle of a public street and quickly get home so you can rip off your shoes that were sopping wet and nearing frostbite from the slushy snow penetrating your shoes. 
To be honest, the last place you wanted to be at was your apartment. You sigh to yourself in disappointment knowing what’s waiting for you: Nothing. In particular, no one. As stated before, day after day, year after year, holiday after freaking holiday, all that awaits you is a cold, empty apartment with comfort items and furniture that you either bought off of Amazon or got off the streets. No one would be waiting for you except the inescapable loneliness that you felt every day. Your plans are the same as last year’s, and the year before that, and the year before that, and so on and so forth. You’ll get home, take a lukewarm shower because your plumbing is always busted around this time of year, drink a 1/5th of Holly Jolly Krinkles Peppermint Vodka, and pass out watching the Polar Express on Hulu. Then, wake up Christmas afternoon and try not to throw up the rest of the day. Your ancestors must be so proud staring down at you after generations of their own hardship.
Peeking up from your huddled form you spot your apartment complex up ahead. You sigh again feeling the need for a drink. As you hurriedly jogged up the stairs and rushed to your door, you slowed to a halt as you saw a bottle sitting on your doormat. Titling your head in confusion, you looked around for any clues on who could’ve left this on your door. Cautiously, you picked up the suspicious bottle and felt that it was heavy and filled with liquid. A white and red envelope fell onto the mat and you picked it up as well. The envelope had your name addressed to it, but nothing else. You looked back at the bottle and squinted into the dark to read the label on the front. In the dark you could only make out ‘Feeling Pine Mulled Wine.’ You groaned at the pun. On top of the cork you noticed a green ribbon tied along with a small folded note. Inside the card read, “For you, from Santa Claus~♡”.
“Santa Claus…?” you muttered to yourself. You scoff and think of this as nothing more than corporate shilling and shameless advertisement to get people to spend even more money on this capitalist holiday. Everyone in the building must’ve gotten a bottle and since you got home late you’re the only one left. Shivering harshly as a chilling breeze rushed through you, you quickly shot into your apartment. Like a defeated animal, you ripped off every single piece of wet clothing and left it near your front door for ‘hungover you’ to worry about. Placing the mulled wine on the kitchen counter to worry about later you jogged to the bathroom for your shower. Second to drinking yourself to sleep, you looked forward to your shower the most. Flipping your shower nozzle to the highest setting, you jumped in and hopped around as the blizzard water hit your skin. You shivered as you rubbed soap aggressively on your body waiting for the lukewarm water to set in. After a few minutes, the water didn’t change. You waited a few more minutes and the water was still cold?! All of the frustration and anger bottling up inside you finally popped.
“AAAARRGGHHHH!!!” You screamed with all your might. Your screams bounced around your echo-ey bathroom as your next-door neighbor banged on your wall. You banged the wall back even harder out of frustration. What kind of shitty development is this?! You are a good person! Why is it that whenever something good happens to you someone shits all over you?! Who did you kill in your past life to warrant this sharknado level shitstorm that is your adult life?
“God-fucking-DAMMITT! I hate this shitty building and its shitty pipes and its shitty… shitty shit shit!!” You stomped as you frustratingly shut off the shower. Again, you’re reminded of your paper thin walls as your next door neighbor banged on your wall even harder. Completely fed up with everything, you punched and kicked at your wall with all your might.
“Evan Christopher Daniels, you motherfucker! I swear to God, you bang on this wall one more FUCKING time! I’m calling the landlord and telling him all about your basement cock fighting ring and we BOTH know we aren’t talking about chickens!”
The banging immediately stopped. You huffed and leaned against the cold tile wall. You needed a drink more than ever, but you did feel a little better after yelling. Walking out of the bathroom in your towel, your attention is brought back to the wine bottle and envelope. Staring at the wine bottle and label again in a better light you didn’t see anything wrong with it. Nothing obvious at least. So, with a shrug and popped the cork.
“Better than that shitty minty vodka…” you muttered.
*****
“A-And then… that Chevy-back refrigerator built asshole had the nerve to put his dirty face next to mine and breathe his hot Frito-shit pie breath all over me! Can you believe that?!”
You were venting. You were venting and drunk. You were venting, drunk, and talking to the only thing that brought you solace in this cruel time of joyful merriment: the characters on screen from the movie you were watching.
Wow. How sad.
“‘This is no good, Y/N.’ ‘You should try harder, Y/N.’ ‘How ‘bout spending Christmas stuck to my bed sheets, Y/N.’ How about you get the fuck outta my face, fix your hairline and get veneers you shitty generic ugly bastard-looking McFuck!!”
You sprawled out on the floor, sloppy lamenting over your life and where you could have possibly gone wrong.
“Why is it that whenever I get hit on, it’s either from creeps on the subway or fat geriatrics with greasy foreheads that get off on power harassment?” you ask your screen.
“‘Cause that’s the way things happen on the Polar Express!’”
You clicked your tongue and grumbled, “I wish I was on the Polar Express…” you spared a glance to your empty apartment. “Better than being here alone…” You took another drink from your bottle and set it down beside you. ���This is good… I’ll have to drink this shit all-year round.”
As you silently surveyed your surroundings as the movie continued in the background, your eyes were drawn to the unopened letter that came with your wine. With a grunt and a sigh, you reached over to pick up predicting that it’s mostly like a Christmas themed advertisement for the company. However, instead was a Christmas portrait card. You opened the card and read the beautiful cursive that was inside.
“Wish upon the brightest star in the sky and your deepest wish will come true.”
You read the words over and over again. ‘Wish upon a star?’ you thought incredulously. What good would that do? You looked on each side of the card but there wasn’t anything else, not even a signature. The handwriting on the Christmas card didn’t match the note on the cork either. You scoffed after a while and flicked the card back on the floor.
“Deepest wish will come true…” you grumbled softly. “That’s only something a child would believe in.”
“‘Seeing is believing, but, sometimes, the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.’”
Your attention was brought back to your movie and the words that stood out by the conductor. Wait… was the movie playing out of order?
“Seeing is believing, huh?” you muttered to yourself. You looked to your bedroom window. Snow gracefully falling from the night sky down to the bright city lights from under your window. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was just a plane, but there in the cloudy night you spotted a single light that penetrated the clouds. Again the words on the card rang through your mind like church bells, or maybe those were just the bells from the movie.
“Meh, fuck it.” You were already drunk and alone. Might as well do something embarrassing in the comfort of your own home than in a bar full of equally lonely people, right?
You crawled your way towards the window and sat on your knees. You already knew what your deepest wish was. You wished for it every holiday: your birthday, Valentine’s Day, hell, even Arbor Day. But, who should you even be praying to to make the wish come true? Santa Claus? God? Buddha? David Bowie? No, there’s only one person who could make a wish like this come true. Someone who you've never prayed to. Someone who could make your dream a reality.
“Oh, Supreme Lord Master Gege Akutami,” you called out. “I know I’ve never prayed to you before, but you’re a man that can make miracles happen. You’re the only one I know that can make my wish come true. The only thing that I want for Christmas is…” you took a deep breath.
“All I want is a super cute yandere boyfriend!”
You can’t be serious.
“I’ve seen your creations Oh Heavenly One and I know you can make that happen. The gorgeous men and women from your manga are only just as beautiful and holy as the animated versions! But not just an old yandere will do! I want a super cute one! The kind of yandere that feed, spoil, and give their unwavering love and affection to the MC! The kind of yandere that will only keep me to himself so I don’t have to work at my shitty job anymore.”
Oh you are dead serious, aren’t you?
“He has to have a cute smile, gorgeous eyes, and soft kissable lips! And he has to be taller than me, but not too tall! Just the right amount of height where I can give him headpats and forehead kisses and when he lays down on my lap only his feet go over the couch arms, not his legs! Also, I want him to have a nice build, not too skinny and lanky. I’ve seen the kind of men you’ve brought to light so I know you can make it work Oh Great One.”
Oh dear lord…
“And he has to know everything about me! Like super omega obsessed with me, but in a cute way that makes it hard to be mad at him. Oh, and extroverted as hell to counterout my introvertedness! Like the type of person who will go up to the fast food worker and tell them that I wanted no pickles on the burger! Y’know, and also…”
Okay, I’m gonna cut the rest of this drunken otaku rambling for the future therapy you’ll be court mandated to attend.
“Please, Lord Gege… if not you then… I don’t know what else I’m gonna do.” You squeeze your fist tighter and close your eyes shut as a last ditch effort. “Please make my deepest wish come true.”
You slowly opened your eyes to see nothing in the sky anymore. Nothing but dark snowy clouds. You let out a pitiful chuckle as you felt tears brimming your eyes.
“What the hell am I doing…?” you whispered. “I am so fucking pathetic…” Maybe it was just a stupid plane after all. You meekly crawled back to your spot on the floor and layed down a few inches away from your laptop. The movie was still playing and the time read “12:01 A.M.”. It was officially Christmas. And today, just like every Christmas, you were drunk and alone. The sounds of actual church bells rang throughout your room from the outside. You lazily stared at the movie that was nearing its end.
“‘Just remember, the true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart.’”
‘Santa Claus… Christmas… wishing… it’s all a bunch of shit…’
As you felt your eyelids grow heavier and heavier, you soon gave into your tiredness praying that your hangover in the morning wouldn’t be too bad.
*****
Rustle… Rustle… THUD!
You are jolted awake at the sound of a large thudding sound coming from outside your bedroom door. Bleary-eyed, you check the time on your phone. It was 3 A.M.. Thinking it was just your neighbors, you laid back down on the cold hard floor. Until, a few seconds later, you are woken up again this time with a large bang. 
Okay, that sounded way too close to be your neighbor. Someone was definitely in your apartment. You carefully snuck over to your bedroom door and pressed your ear against it. You couldn’t hear any voices (which makes sense), all you could hear was the sounds of something rustling.Are you actually getting robbed?! On fucking Christmas?! Oh hell no! Fueled with drunken courage and hazy eyes, you grabbed the empty wine bottle and quietly snuck out of your room. Peeking around the corner, you saw a tall, dark figure looming in your living room. You quickly flipped on the lights and jumped from around the corner raising the bottle above your head, ready to smack a bitch if they tried to run.
“Alright! Who the fuck are–!”
 You stopped dead in your tracks and the wine bottle you held tightly in your hands dropped to the floor with a solid thud. The man standing in your living room, staring you dead in your eyes like a deer caught in headlights of a lifted Ford truck, was wearing a vibrant red suit complete with black boots, white gloves, and a red had, had a long, fluffy white beard, a large white bag filled to the brim with wrapped presents, and twinkling blue eyes. You felt your breath catch in your throat. It was unmistakable.
“Santa Claus…?” you groggily called out.
The man’s face turned from caution to jolly in a matter of seconds as he let out his signature laugh.
“Ho ho ho!” he bellowed. “Well, this is odd! Shouldn’t all the little good boys and girls be asleep right now?”
“I… I was asleep… I-I think your bag woke me up when you set it down…”
“Ah! Of course! I was looking for your Christmas tree, but I can’t seem to find one. So, I was wondering where to leave your presents!”
“I don’t have a Christmas tree. I couldn’t afford one this year…” you told him, folding your arms. Wait. Why were you telling him anything?! This has to be a dream. Yes, just a drunk dream. There’s no way you could be talking to some strange man dressed as Santa Claus right now.
“I see… How unfortunate. Life must be so tough for you, Y/N L/N.”
Your eyes widened. “H-How do you know my name?”
Again, “Santa Claus”'s laugh rang throughout your tiny living room.
“Santa knows all the good boys and girls! And you have been extra good this year!” he exclaimed. He bent down and started rummaging through his bag as if he was looking for something.
Your attention snapped to your front door. You were sure that you had locked it. Squinting, you didn’t notice anything strange about it. The deadbolt was still locked. It wasn’t even left open for a clean getaway if this were an actual robbery or even a dream. None of your windows open, they’re more like decoration. It’s brutal in the summer when the building’s AC stops randomly. So how did–
“How did you get in my apartment?” 
“Santa Claus” stopped searching through his bag, but didn’t look up at you. He just… stared down into it like he didn’t want to make conversation with you.
“I don’t have a chimney. This low-rated rat hole would never give such a luxury. Plus, none of the windows open. I locked my door with a deadbolt so I would’ve definitely heard you if you had tried breaking in through the front door, not while you were looking around for a Christmas tree so… how did you get in here?”
You could feel the tension rising as silence choked the jolly air around him. After a moment, the man raised his head to look at you. You felt your blood run cold. He was smiling, but his eyes… no longer had that same twinkle in them like before.
“How do you think I got in here?” he asked stiffly. Shivers rolled down your spine and you couldn’t bring yourself to speak a word. The man laughed again, but not his silly jolly laugh. It was more rigid and harsh. “I’m Santa Claus. Even if homes don’t have a chimney… I can still find my way in.”
‘Okay! I’m done with this dream now! I’d like to wake up! Wake up, me! Wake up!’
But, nothing changed. If this were a dream, something anxiety inducing would’ve happened by now. Like Santa Claus melting or turning into an eldritch monster. The air felt like it was suffocating you ever so slowly as your heart started to beat faster and faster.
“You look like you don’t believe me.” You jumped at his voice. He smiled even brighter and pointed the opening of his gift bag towards you. “Why don’t you see for yourself. I have a present here just for you.”
You swallowed hard. “A-A present…? But I–” You could barely stutter out a sentence before he spoke again.
“It’s what you deeply wished for.”
Your eyes widened again. Those choice of words… It couldn’t have been an accident. How would he… unless he…
You found yourself slowly inching towards the gift bag. It felt like an out-of-body experience. Like watching a first-person POV of someone doing something extremely stupid. As you stopped mere inches from the bag, you peered inside to see nothing but an almost seemingly amount of presents that ranged from big to small throughout the bag. Just as you tried to peek down further into the bag, you felt a large gloved hand grab the back of your neck.
“Sorry kid. No witnesses.”
Before you could utter a word or scream in shock, you are unceremoniously shoved into Santa's bulging sack of gifts. As the bag closed tight above you, your panic-filled mind finally kicked in as you screamed and thrashed around the bag. However, the more you screamed and kicked, the more the weight and closeness of the presents started to crush around you. This set in more panic and then more kicking and screaming.
“Don’t worry. It’ll be all over soon.”
‘What?! What does that mean?!’ You continued to scream and clawed at the walls of the bag to try and rip through. With a sudden jerk motion, you were lifted into the air and the bag was thrown over the man’s shoulder causing what seemed like a hurricane of presents to rain down on you. As you tried to kick up towards the opening again, you left out a gasp when your foot hit nothing. The more you kicked the more you stuffed yourself down the ocean of presents currently crushing you from all sides. When you tried to reach out to the side to claw at the bag again, you again found nothing. And again, the more you tried to reach, the more your arms got stuck wedged against the weight and size of the presents. There seemed no end as the presents continued to suffocate you, pressing hard against your stomach, legs, head, and chest.
You felt your vision starting to blacken out and called out once more.
“Please… someone… help me…”
But, your voice was too low and soon, you did not speak again.
*****
Your eyes fluttered open to see nothing but darkness all around you. You let out a grunt as your head pounded harshly only to find out that your mouth had been taped shut. 
‘What the fuck?’
You tried to take the tape off your mouth only to find your hands tied together.
‘What the fuck?’
You stretched out from your fetal only for feet to to hit a solid wall. Not only that, your feet were also bound together.
‘What the fuck?!’
You jerked up only for your head to meet a solid wall.
‘Ow! What the FUCK?!’
Your head pounded again and you laid back down trying to remember how you got in this situation. All you can remember is drinking your problems away and watching the Polar Express, and then… wishing on a plane in the sky…? And then Santa Claus showed up?
‘Ugh… fuck me… Did I sleepwalk into an empty plot again?’ You tried with all your might to try and bang on the walls of the box that you were currently in, but with this hangover all you were doing was making yourself tired and nauseous. You sighed with a huff. ‘I swear if I die in here, I’m gonna ghost sue these assholes…’
How long had you even been here? Were you even alive at this point? If you are, how long until the air in here runs out and you suffocate? Ugh… too many thoughts were making your head pound even more. Oh, what a tragic and pitiful end for our tragic and pitiful protagonist–
“Oh, wow! What a huge present!” a voice from outside shouted. You jolted in surprise. Who was that? And did they say present?
“I wonder what Santa got me~?” the voice asked melodically. Santa Claus? Wait, so… that wasn’t a dream?! The sounds of gift wrapping paper answered your question. You didn’t get super drunk and walk into a cemetery and crawl into a coffin like last time. You got super drunk and got stuffed into a giant Christmas present. You want to be disappointed with this development, but honestly you’ve found yourself in much worse situations than this. Like how on three Valentine’s Days ago you unknowingly joined a cannibal love nest cult when buying candy for yourself.
The lid of the box was aggressively thrown creaked open, revealing the most enchanting sight — you were surrounded and bathed in the glow of fairy lights. Blinking away the haze, you found yourself in an unfamiliar room, illuminated by soft, colorful lights and warm furniture. This place was definitely better than your dinky apartment. Your eyes then landed on the strikingly charming individual with the most captivating eyes you’ve ever seen and an endearing yet unsettling aura seeping from him. You felt your heart skip a beat as you locked eyes with the gorgeous hottie staring you down. His cute smile was twice as blinding as the dozen of lights surrounding the two of you.
“Looks like Santa got my letter. Just what I wanted for Christmas~.”
‘Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitsholyshitholyshit–’
“Homy shmpf! Phuu’re hmpf!” You tried to shout.
Blinking a few times, the hottie deliciously chuckled and reached for the tape around your mouth. “Lemme get that for you, sweetheart. Only if you promise not to scream.”
Oh please, like you’d scream in a situation like this.
“There you go–”
“Holy shit! You’re hot!” you shout again. “Whoa… this has to be a dream. There’s no way that I’m sitting in a human sized box in a hottie’s apartment. I gotta buy more of that wine.” you muttered to yourself. You felt a tiny pinch on your cheek and snapped out of your muttering to lock eyes with those gorgeous eyes again.
“Ow… that hurt…”
“Then you’re not dreaming, sweetheart.”
“Woah…” You reeled back into the box. “I’m actually sitting in a hottie’s apartment…”
He chuckled. “House, my love. Not an apartment.”
“House?”
“Yes.”
“Like a house house? Like with a mortgage and shit?”
“The house is fully paid off. My parents paid it off and handed it to me when they retired and moved.”
“For real?!” you gasped and gasped even harder at the sights behind him. “Are those Sanrio plushies?! And a 5-foot Rilakkuma bear?! A PS5, a polaroid camera, an Apple laptop?! What are you, loaded or something?!” you exclaimed in astonishment.
“Well, it’s true that I spared no expense getting this place ready.” he chuckled again. “After all, I spent a lot of time getting all this stuff ready just in time for you.”
“For me?”
“Of course. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t know what my girlfriend liked?”
You paused for a moment, soaking in his words. “Boyfriend…? Girlfriend?”
“That’s right.”
“You and me?”
“Yup.”
“Me and you?”
“Mhm!”
“You’re my boyfriend?”
“Yes, my love. I was getting a little impatient waiting to take you for myself. So, I asked Santa to deliver you to me.”
You couldn’t believe your ears and eyes. You wished upon a stupid star/plane, got kidnapped by Santa Claus, and got unwrapped by a gorgeous man that’s now your boyfriend. 
“Where the hell have you been hiding, huh? If I knew a hottie like you was scoping me out all this time I would’ve delivered myself without the gag and restraints.”
The hottie paused for a moment and smiled again. It seems like your reaction to all this wasn’t what he was expecting. “I’ll untie you if you promise you won’t start trying to escape.”
You scoffed and handed him your bound hands. “Oh, please. Yeah, I’m gonna escape and run back to my 250 sq. ft. apartment with no hot water, no heating, and no one waiting for me that even notices I’m gone.”
The hottie laughed softly and began to untie your hands. “And trust me. I wasn’t hiding. I left you gifts every moment I got. However, whenever I saw you, you never had them.” After untying your hands, he gave you a sullen look. “Did you not like them?”
You rubbed your wrists and titled your head in confusion. “Gifts? I never got any gifts.”
“Don’t lie to me, Y/N. I’ve been leaving you gifts and small tokens for two years.”
“I’m not lying! If I had gotten anything from someone like you, I would’ve been here two years ago.” you defended. “Where did you leave them?”
“On your desk at work, on your doormat, in your mailbox! I placed them everywhere you could see.”
If you weren’t so hungover you’d scream your head off. “Ugh…! Oh my fucking God…” you grumbled angrily, lightly banging your head on the corner of the box. You knew it! Your coworkers were cock-blocking you from finding true love. “All my coworkers are conniving, evil, love-hating bitches! And my boss is a misogynistic, sexual power harasser. They probably threw those presents away when I wasn’t at my desk.”
Your new boyfriend’s eyes grew dark. “What about your apartment?”
“Ugh… those animals would steal chewed up gum after you spit it out. They probably stole it while I was out at work. And my mailbox got broken into 6 months after moving in. All my bills are on autopay.”
As your boyfriend’s face grew darker, his smile remained. “Well, it’s a good thing I told them you quit and got you out of that disgusting “apartment”.”
Your mouth dropped at his words.
“R-Really? So, my job?”
“You don’t need one. I make enough money to support 5 of you. Plus, everything you could ever want is here anyways.”
“My apartment?”
“Considering most of the things in your “apartment” came from the side of the road, just tell me and I’ll buy whatever needs replacing.”
You leaned in close. “And my boss?” you whispered.
He leaned in closer, both your noses touching. “Dead, if you want him to be.”
Holy shit. Let’s go over the list.
He is: 
✔ Hot as fuck
✔ Obsessive
✔ Tall
✔ Built
✔ Has a cute smile
✔ Puppy face
✔ Not too overbearing
✔ Dommy
✔ Willing to support your lazy piece of shit lifestyle
✔ Owns a home
JACKPOT!!
“This is the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!” you shouted, but immediately regretted it when a sharp throbbing pain pierced your head. You clutched your head, tenderly rubbing your temples.
“Woah, are you okay?” he gently asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a hangover…” you smiled wearily.
“I’ll get you some water and Ibuprofen. Wait here. Don’t move, okay?”
Again, you shot him a look that told him that you didn’t have anywhere to go.
“Oh, and uh, thanks… um…”
“Karasuda Ren. But you can only call me Ren, okay Y/N?”
“Okay, Ren.” you smiled. He smiled back at you and headed to the kitchen. You sat in the box looking around at the beautiful home filled with Ren’s things combined with the things you love. If you weren’t on cloud 9 right now, you would plan a vindictive revenge plan on your job. But, now you had nothing to worry about anymore. Your wish came true and he was even cuter than you could’ve possibly imagined.
“Oh!” Ren suddenly called out. “Since you might be hungover, you probably won’t be able to eat this cake I made huh?”
“Homemade cake?! I love– Woah?!” You shot up at just the word cake and fell out of the box and face first into the floor.
“My love! Are you okay?” Ren asked, rushing to you with a glass of water in his hand.
“Yep! I’m okay! I forgot that my feet are also tied up sooo… can you help me?”
Ren laughed and helped you back on your butt and began to untie your feet. After that, he handed you the water and the bottle of Ibuprofen. Swallowing the pills dry and drinking a few gulps of water, you began to feel a little better with some water in your system now.
Just as you were about to get up, you were immediately swept off your feet and carried bridal style across the living room. You let out a tiny yelp as your head made contact with Ren’s warm chest.
“W-What’re you doing?”
“Oh. Did you think I wasn’t going to hog you all to myself? You’re my Christmas present and I intend to enjoy this day and many more with you by my side.”
You felt your face burn as you were sure your face was as red as a habanero. Well, this was your Christmas wish too. It’s finally your time to enjoy the lovey-dovey part of this holiday. 
Throughout the entire day, you had never felt more love and content. Despite your initial shock, you soon got used to the huge shower of affection your new boyfriend continued to give you. Karasuda Ren, while intense and possessive, showered you with affection and attention unlike anything you had experienced before. He filled you with so much cake and food, you felt like you were gonna pop.
The loneliness that had haunted you dissipated in the wake of this blooming, although unconventional, relationship, was replaced by a new sense of belonging.
As Christmas lights flickered outside, you found yourself entangled in a love both warm and intense. The hours that passed brought a mix of emotions that you could get used to feeling everyday for the rest of your life.
This was it. Your deepest Christmas wish came true. You were finally happy. Only one question was left on your mind.
“Hey, so, how did you start liking me? Have we met before and I just didn’t pay attention or…?”
“No, we’d never even spoken to each other. About 3 years ago on Christmas Eve, I was riding the subway on my way home when I heard a bunch of drunk people get on.” Ren grimaced just remembering the situation. “I wasn’t anywhere near them, but I could smell the alcohol. I was going to change cars when I heard them start to argue with someone, I turned around and I saw you. You looked so tired and angry.”
“Really? I don’t remember that.” you hummed, trying to think back.
“I was going to step in, but you had already clocked one guy in the jaw and dropped the other guy like a sack of flour.”
“Oh yeah! I remember that now!”
“That moment, I fell in love with you at first sight. It took a while to find you again, but after I did I knew in my heart that I could never ever let you go.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet, Ren! Man, I guess first impressions always stick. Kind of embarrassing that your first sighting of me was when I was drunk.”
“...You were drunk?”
“Oh, I was fucking wasted. I always get smashed on Christmas Eve. It’s kind of a tradition. I was drunk off my ass the night Santa took me too.”
“...Y/N.”
“Mhm?”
“You can’t drink in front of other men. If you plan on drinking, let me know and I’ll take care of you. No one can see you drunk and vulnerable except me, okay?”
“Of course, my love! Maybe next year, you can show me where you got that kickass mulled wine from.”
“Mulled wine?”
“Yeah, that one you left on my doorstep. With the note.”
“I didn’t leave anything on your doorstep.”
“...”
“...”
“Hmm… maybe I should stop drinking random alcohol that appears next to me…”
“Y/N?!”
Bonus:
As you both were cuddled up on the couch half-asleep, watching a random Christmas movie as the fireplace crackled in the background, you were brought back to a realization. You never thanked the person that made this all possible.
You quickly got up causing Ren to jolted up at your sudden movements and stare at you wide-eyed as you made your way to his window.
“Baby, what’re you doing?” he asked cautiously with a yawn.
“I need to probably thank the person that brought us together today.”
You collapsed your hands together and smiled up at the starry-night sky, immediately catching a glimpse of the brightest twinkling star in the sky.
“Oh, you mean Santa–”
“Oh, thank you Lord Gege, you are truly my savior. If I had known praying to you would’ve gotten me results like this I would’ve prayed sooner. You are truly the ‘God of Handsome Men’.”
“Wait– what?”
“I will continue to support you and buy all of your merchandise…”
“...Y/N?”
“Mhm?”
“Are you praying to another man? While your boyfriend is right here?” You could hear the pout in his voice, but his face screamed baby-faced yandere.
You smiled and made your way back to your spot on the sofa. “Well, Lord Gege is more like a God amongst men to me now. But, of course I had to thank him.” You softly poked Ren’s puffed up cheeks. “I prayed to him the night before and he granted my wish. I am now the girlfriend to the cutest man alive!”
Ren blushed your words and decided to let your little prayer slide this time. Looks like you found the cute yandere’s weakness. Whether you decide to tease him in the future only time will tell.
a/n: merry christmas, my trash babies~˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ i know it's been a while since i've updated, but i couldn't leave the year off without a little slight yandere fic. i was planning on uploading two fics this month, but adhd brain and procrastination are praying on my downfall. so enjoy, a cute fic with a cute soft yandere for the holidays.
happy holidays~!❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅
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rosemariiaa · 3 months ago
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~Love Me Anyway~
pairing- Paige x Azzi
almost teared up at this one, i hate couples. posting another short fic but late tonight!
summary: Inspired by the song, “Love Me Anyway” by Chappell Roan, (847 w/c)
warning: fluff
Enjoy!!!
Azzi stood by the window, watching the early evening sky turn shades of orange and pink. The autumn chill had settled in, bringing a crispness to the air that reminded her of past seasons with Paige. She picked up a framed Polaroid from her table—a picture of her and Paige from USA basketball camp years ago. The memories were bittersweet, a reminder of the love that had always been complicated but deeply felt.
The doorbell rang, pulling Azzi from her thoughts. She took a deep breath and walked to the door, opening it to find Paige standing there, her cheeks flushed from the cold. Paige’s eyes met Azzi’s with a mixture of hesitation and hope.
“Hey,” Paige said softly, holding up a small bag. “I brought some stuff.”
Azzi nodded, stepping aside to let Paige in. She led Paige to the living room, where they sat across from each other. The room was filled with the warmth of a crackling fire, but the space between them felt colder.
“I saw this at the market,” Paige said, pulling out a box of Polaroid film and a photo album. “I thought we could take some new pictures. For old times’ sake.”
Azzi’s heart ached at the gesture. It was exactly like Paige to remember the small things, to want to hold onto the fragments of their past. She nodded, forcing a smile. “That sounds nice.”
As they worked together, setting up a makeshift photo booth with a camera and a backdrop, the air between them began to soften. Paige’s fingers brushed against Azzi’s as they adjusted the camera, and for a moment, Azzi was reminded of how things used to be, how Paige had always loved her despite everything.
“I’m sorry for how things ended,” Paige said suddenly, breaking the silence. “I know I made mistakes, and I didn’t always handle things right.”
Azzi looked at her, feeling a pang of regret. “I know. I wasn’t perfect either. I’m sorry, I was always scared and confused.”
Paige smiled, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “But you still loved me anyway. Even when I pushed you away, you stayed.”
Azzi’s voice trembled as she spoke. “You always came back, though. When I was too shy or scared, you always reached out. You loved me even when I was at my worst, I appreciate that P...”
They took photos, laughing softly as they captured moments that were both old and new. Each click of the camera was a reminder of their shared history, of a love that had weathered many storms.
Paige looked over at Azzi with a tender expression. “Remember when we met at U16 camp? I was too shy to even talk to you, and you seemed so distant. But you still found a way to make me feel special.”
Azzi smiled, her eyes misty. “I remember. I didn’t think we’d become so close, but you managed to break through my walls. Even when I was hesitant, you never gave up on me.”
They continued taking pictures, their laughter mingling with the soft clicks of the camera. As the evening wore on, they sat together on the couch, flipping through the album filled with their old Polaroids. The warmth from the fire and the nostalgia of the photos created a comforting atmosphere.
“You were right,” Azzi said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “After all this time, I realize how much I missed this. I missed you.”
Paige took Azzi’s hand, squeezing it gently. “I missed you too. Even with everything that happened, I always loved you anyway.”
Azzi looked into Paige’s eyes, searching for the reassurance she needed. “Do you think we could ever get back to what we had? I know things aren’t perfect, but…”
Paige’s eyes softened, and she pulled Azzi closer. “I think we can try. We’ve both made mistakes, but we’ve also had so many good times. Maybe we can start fresh, build something new from the foundation we already have.”
Azzi nodded, her heart swelling with hope. “I’d like that. I want to remember the good moments and create new ones with you.”
As they stood up to take more pictures, Paige’s arm draped around Azzi’s shoulders, pulling her close. They posed for the camera, their faces lit with genuine smiles. It wasn’t a perfect resolution, but it was a start. They both knew that their journey was far from over, but in that moment, they were willing to try. To love each other anyway, despite their past mistakes and imperfections.
The night grew darker, and the fire crackled softly in the hearth. Paige and Azzi found themselves sitting on the floor, surrounded by the scattered Polaroid prints. They talked about their favorite memories and dreams for the future, their conversation flowing easily, as if no time had passed since they last spoke.
When the firelight cast a warm glow over the room, Paige looked at Azzi with a mix of affection and determination. “We’ve been through so much, but I want to be here with you. I want to make things right, even if it means taking things slow.”
Azzi smiled, feeling a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in a long time. “Me too. Let’s take things one step at a time. We have our past, but we also have the chance to create a future.”
They shared a quiet moment, the space between them filled with unspoken understanding. Paige leaned in, her forehead resting against Azzi’s.
“I’d like to take more Polaroids,” Paige said softly. “Not just for old times’ sake, but for now. For us.”
Azzi nodded, tears welling in her eyes. “I’d like that too. I want to remember the good moments, and the ones we’re making now.”
They took more pictures, capturing their laughter and their tender looks. As they finished, they sat together, wrapped in each other’s arms, feeling the warmth of their renewed connection.
They knew that while their relationship might never be easy, it was worth every effort. And for now, that was enough.
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devildomsoup · 2 years ago
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Silly little headcanons #1
Lucifer
Definitely has a favourite pen and everyone dreads the day he will have to change it.
He once shrunk Cerberus and carried him around in a handbag because he had to go to the vet.
Joint pains (no, I will not elaborate)
Has a picture in his wallet of his brothers and MC. Luke is also there for some reason.
Mammon
Will turn off the lights and walk out of his room. Walks back a few moments later to check if he remembered to turn the lights off.
Boops his younger brothers on the nose when he says goodnight.
Considered dying his hair piss yellow at some point.
He swears that Luke is just an annoying little chihuahua that he doesn't care about. But the pictures of him accompanying Luke to the cinema suggest otherwise.
Leviathan
He forgets to throw out socks with holes in them. So sometimes he will just walk around with socks that are barely holding on.
Has a controller that only MC is allowed to use. He will not even use it himself.
Can touch his nose with his tongue
Accidentally called his brothers "Ruri" on multiple occasions.
Satan
Has an album on his phone with pictures of him and Lucifer. Will deny it if you ask him.
Once cursed the entirety of Lucifer's record collection. The curse in question made it so the only song on any of the records was Baby Shark.
When he wants MC's attention he will go "pspspsps."
Satan has put on his blue jacket normally a grand total of 6 times.
Asmodeus
Will wear heels with just about anything. Yes, that includes sweatpants.
A lesser demon once found out about MC's deepest insecurity and started using it to insult them. Asmodeus found out and sent the demon flying through a wall.
He either sneezes like a cat or like an old man. There is no in-between.
He reminds everyone in HoL to drink water and will make sure they do so one way or another.
Beelzebub
Not allowed to be alone in RAD's art supply room. He will eat the paint if left unattended.
He only had 4 shirts until Asmodeus forced him to get more.
Takes Luke with him around RAD when Simeon can't. Also scared of any demon that looks at Luke the wrong way.
He has carried every single one of his brothers to bed more than once. Lucifer is no exception.
Belphegor
Follows the cat rule. If it fits I sits.
Don't tell anyone but his favourite blanket is the jackets of his older brothers.
Will sometimes force people to take a nap with him. Does someone look tired boom it's nap time.
Pops his back really loudly whenever he wakes up
Simeon
Will show anyone and I mean anyone pictures of Luke like a proud father.
Got scammed once and now he's afraid of opening links.
He once accompanied Beel to a workout and ended up destroying a punching bag.
Do not under any circumstances let him be alone in the candle section of a store. Purgatory Hall already has a closet full of them.
Raphael
Tried to kill a fly with one of his spears.
When asked if he wanted anything special for his birthday he requested a cake made by Solomon.
Enjoys watching butterflies flutter around. He will stand absolutely still if one lands on him and stay like that until the butterfly leaves again.
Wins every staring contest.
Luke
Has gotten lost in stores, parks and RAD so many times that he now has a bracelet with the contact info of Simeon and Barbatos. Even though he has his own D.D.D.
Mimics Simeon and Raphael to appear like a mature angel.
He will never admit it but he makes drawings for the brothers.
Luke and MC have a secret handshake.
Solomon
Immune to the pain of stepping on a lego.
Once accidentally turned himself into a rat and nearly got murdered by Barbatos.
Enjoys watching romcoms with MC.
Can and will randomly appear in MC's room tell them a horrible joke and then vanish into thin air.
Thirteen
She has the most random things in her pocket. Watch her pull out a porcelain frog from one of her pockets.
She had a buzz cut at some point.
Will drag you out of bed in the middle of the night so you can test her new inventions.
Loves playing with people's hair. It doesn't matter what texture or length it is. Just let her play with it.
Diavolo
Has a rubber duck collection.
Was introduced to vocaloid and now he won't stop singing World is Mine.
Gives the best hugs. 10/10 would hug again.
Buys Barbatos flowers every week to show his appreciation.
Barbatos
Knows how to tap dance.
Let's MC call him Barbie.
He receives small trinkets from the Little Ds.
Will cradle MC like a little baby when he is stressed or just missed them.
Mephistopheles
He enjoys soup.
He says he hates hugs. But in reality, he might even shed a few tears if you hug him.
A master of building card houses.
Once took care of a bat until it was healthy enough to live on its own.
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