#special appearance by alistair!

[jacklyn-flynn]

Definitely in the home stretch now! Chapter 20 is up, only seven left to go! (According to my outline, but when do those ever turn out the way we plan?)

[girlb0yfriend]

dragon age update!! finished origins for the second time ever :3

[dalishious]

Zevran Arainai is an Underrated Delight

There is so much depth to Zevran Arainai’s writing that is often overlooked in favour of either sexually objectifying him or ignoring him altogether… which is kind of ironic, considering that’s how so many people in his life have treated him within universe. And then, of course, there’s the biphobia directed at his character back when Dragon Age: Origins first released. He was a joke in many Gamer Bro circles about how they killed him for flirting with their male protagonist. It’s such a shame, really. Because personally speaking, Zevran is one of my favourite characters in the entire Dragon Age franchise.

Zevran’s introduction to the game immediately sets him apart from every other character who is capable of joining the party. He first appears as an enemy; an assassin hired to kill the Warden by Loghain, the Warden’s political opponent. You immediately have the option to either kill him, or add him to the party roster. Zevran does not initially join the Warden’s cause out of the goodness of his heart; he does it because he knows that the Antivan Crows who essentially own him – which we’ll get to – will kill him for failing to assassinate your character. This really paints his original placement within the group’s dynamics in an interesting light. No one really trusts him; Alistair and Morrigan both outright voice this. Zevran himself believes he is only safe with the Warden so long as he makes himself useful, per how he sells his worthiness to the Warden when trying to convince them to let him join. There’s tension there that really makes getting to know him extra interesting, because before anything else, you need to build trust. So, when he’s finally ready to start revealing parts about his personal history, you the player really get to feel like you’ve earned something special from his character.

Zevran’s mother was Dalish, but fell in love with an elf from the city and left her clan behind. Unfortunately, Zevran’s father was assassinated, leaving her with nothing but his debts to pay. She turned to sex work, until she died giving birth to Zevran, and all that debt fell onto him in turn. Zevran was raised by the sex workers in the brothel his mother worked at, until the age of seven, when the Antivan Crow Guildmaster Talav Arainai bought him for seven sovereigns; one of eighteen children made into “compradi” (recruits) that year. In his training, Zevran was tortured in a variety of ways, and in his own words, “taught to know nothing else but murder”. Of those eighteen, Zevran was one of two who survived the training, the other being a human boy named Taliesen. Then, a woman named Rinnala (“Rinna”) was placed into House Arainai from the Azul Contract that dictated the Crows were to take in unwanted bastard children of the Antivan Crown. For a time being, Zevran, Taliesen, and Rinnala worked well together as a professional and romantic trio. But when Zevran and Taliesen were tricked into believing Rinnala betrayed the Crows in an internal Crow scheme, they killed her. When they learned otherwise, Zevran took it particularly rough, combined with the realization of how little he himself mattered, too.

The trauma that Zevran has experienced is something he often makes jokes about, or speaks detached from. I’ve been called out many times on doing the same thing with my own trauma, and I know it’s a pretty commonplace response in others as well. That makes it feel all the more real; his responses are so authentically relatable. It’s also in a way, I find a little therapeutic to get to comfort a character whose survival mechanism has been to downplay his trauma for so long. The Warden is able to tell Zevran that what he’s been through sounds horrible, and even though Zevran tries to excuse things as not being that bad, you gain significant approval from him, just for showing him sympathy. Sympathy is something he’s severely lacked in his life. For all Zevran jokes about his traumatizing experiences, they clearly left a mark on him. Zevran eventually admits to the Warden that he did not actually anticipate being able to kill them, and that what he really wanted in taking on the job was to die. Again, sorry to get personal here for a moment, but I too have attempted suicide, and honestly I still struggle with ideation sometimes. And yet again I must say that I find something really beautiful in a character like Zevran, who is able to find peace and happiness on the other side of surviving such a thing.

As for Zevran’s romance… oh, Zevran’s romance path is such a delight. He is so multidimensional in that he’s very flirtatious and fun, while also showing genuine vulnerability in time. He admits that his role as a Crow meant he was encouraged to use seduction as a tool. His only experience with a true relationship ended very poorly, with Rinna’s death and a wedge forming between him and Taliesen, who he is eventually forced to kill too in the game. One of my favourite moments in the entire game, is when you invite him to your tent and he says no… and if you accept his consensual rights, that is what changes everything for him and the Warden’s relationship. Zevran feels safe and loved, and he gets to be happy. As of Dragon Age: Inquisition, a romanced Zevran is still at the Warden’s side, too, if they’re alive.

I love Zevran Arainai so much. He truly is an amazingly well done character, and deserves so much more respect and interest than he gets.

*Sourced from in-game dialogue and World of Thedas vol. 2

[crepesuzette2023]

In honor of @ilovedig's Birthday: some Beatles fanfics with rare (read: beyond 'straight' mclennon) pairings and unusual POV's!

McHarrison

The @beatleskinkmeme Summer of Love Fanworks Collection has some great new McHarrison fics.

Grateful for Him (@johangeorghohman). Five times George regrets John is in Paul's life, and one time he's grateful. An absolute heartbreaker of a story—so beautiful.

Invisible String (@scurator). Paul and George meet again at the Venus and Mars release party. They moved on; they will always belong together.

Knocking at Your Door (@eveepe). Paul and George kissing through the years, from childhood to Anthology. Special appearance by Paul's eager little prick (and you know I'm sold).

-----

Polycule Beatles

The same collection also has fantastic stories about the Beatles as a four-sided love story:

Deeper than oceans you run (@wonderwall1968). The four of them are reeling in the aftershock of a health scare. A dark, dream-like, intense story. John POV.

Everybody Loves Somebody (@bewareofdarkness). Soulmark AU: The four Beatles are meant to be together. But it doesn't happen without a hitch.

-----

Paul McCartney/Mal Evans

You Won't See Me (@swinginglondon42). Mal is in love with Paul, and can't see he moved on.

-----

John Lennon/Keith Richards

Emotional Rescue (@ohjohnnysblog). Near wordless comfort in the aftermath of a party—and Brian's death.

-----

George Harrison/ Yoko Ono

Miss Oh No (@aquarianshift). Yoko and her obsession with "real men" meets George and his resentment of the band he's nevertheless willing to protect from her. Brief, tense and hot encounter.

-----

John/Paul/George

I'd Love to Turn You On (sleeprettydarling). George knows Paul and John are lovers. He's curious. They show him.

-----

Brian Epstein/ Alistair Taylor

Another Kind of Love (Naraht). Lovely story about deep friendship and loyalty.

-----

George Harrison/ Bob Dylan

On the Avenue (@aquarianshift). Two weird men desire each other. George's soul splits from the Beatles. Dream-like and strange, but absolutely grounded in sensuality.

-----

George Harrison/John Lennon & George Harrison/Paul McCartney

Sour Milk Sea (You & You & Me) (cloudy_blue). John and Paul and George through the years. Relationship study.

-----

George Harrison/John Lennon

At Mercy (@eveepe). George and John are girls and in the same band. John was never more John than in this story. "How was I?"

-----

Paul McCartney/ Peter Asher

still mates (@pauls1967moustache). Perennial favorite, because it makes so much sense for Paul and Peter to have a misguided one-night-stand while Lennon/McCartney are falling into Mount Doom. If you didn't think you could fall in love with Peter Asher, think again. He's brave and wonderful in this story.

-----

Paul McCartney/ Donovan

Bound to be the very next phase (downtothelastdrop). Paul satisfies his curiosity in Rishikesh.

-----

Paul McCartney/ George Martin

Fixing A Hole (@m1ssunderstanding). Very much a George vs. Jim story.

-----

Linda McCartney/Paul McCartney/Denny Laine

Red Light, Green Light, Strawberry Wine (@savageandwise). Another all time favorite. Linda POV. A hot and angry threesome while Paul is waiting for John to call him back again.

-----

Unusual POV's

The Macs (@revollver). 1969 'we eloped to Scotland' John and Paul through the eyes of Mike McCartney.

Playing the Mind Guerilla (Anonymous). John and Paul through the eyes of George, Stu, and (wait for it) Nigel Walley.

I've Seen You, Beauty (bakerstreetafternoon). Paris '61 John and Paul through the eyes of Jürgen Vollmer.

Another Girl (@boshemians). AHDN Beatles through the eyes of Astrid Kirchherr.

Why Buy the Cow (RedheadAmongWolves). Early Days John and Paul through the eyes of the milkman.

I only have eyes for you (ififellinlovewithyou). John's collage and body horror.

Butts and Beatles: What the Ciggie Carton Saw (@waveofahand). The Beatles through the eyes of their cigarettes.

-----

Paul McCartney/Yoko Ono; Paul McCartney & Yoko Ono

Raglan Road (@savageandwise): Paul and Yoko make love after John's death. "He was their shared language. He was their lexicon. Their language was John."

White Swan, Black Swan (@savageandwise). Companion piece to the above. Yoko writes a poem to Paul. Incredible. This is the stuff I live for.

mesmerized by mythology (peculiar_mademoiselle). Paul and Yoko through the years.

Opposites (Selena). 1975. A visit from Paul and Linda to the Dakota. From Yoko's point of view.

Regeneration (@scurator). Yoko and Paul as widows. Paul is flirting. Yoko is not disinclined.

a great threat (@pauls1967moustache). Paul and Yoko are both women, and artists, and John's partners, and it makes everything so much worse.

modern love (caesdoublesteps). To break the angsty mood: Paul and Yoko meet to discuss her handing over the movie Self Portrait. Yoko POV; very amusing!

-----

Paul McCartney/Stuart Sutcliffe; Paul McCartney & Stuart Sutcliffe

The Bass Lesson (@aquarianshift). I sill stop reccing this hot, awkward, throbbing-with-resentment Paul/Stu sex when I'm dead.

Baselines (cloudy_blue). Stu hands over his bass guitar to Paul.

-----

And finally: Some @ilovedig Originals!

I Lost My Little Boy (Paul/Ian James, Paul/John). The Woolton Fete, but it starts as a date for Paul and Ian James.

Jane Did an Interview (Paul/everyone). Open-ended series with self-contained chapters. Old Paul and a possible life partner respond to Jane Asher's ominous refusal to mention Paul in an interview. Mini relationship portraits, from John to Klaus Voormann.

Happy Birthday! I hope the universe will send that epic and romantic Paul McCartney/Werner 'Icke' Braun-fic your way...sooner rather than later!

[nimthirielrinon]

Oh, Alistair. Oh, sweetheart…

Do you really know what's going on here? The Blight, the civil war. I really wonder how much of it you understand.

(He wags tail happily.)

wete all special... big parts to play. Even you. Especially you, in some ways.

You are the mabari. You guard one of the most important people-

(Excited bark!)

what?

(Excited barking!)

You... you want to play? But I'm talking, Why doesn't anyone want to hear me talk?

[Dog appears to lean in toward Alistair]

[athena-xox]

Here is my tentative timeline with all the webisodes in chronological order.

Within series canon at least I think it’s right, I’m going to have to watch it in order to make sure there’s nothing out of place.

The next step is adding the books + diaries which I think will mean shuffling around the order.

You might be thinking that that won’t work because the books conflict and are a different timeline. But there’s a perfectly good explanation for that … I just haven’t thought of it yet.

If anyone’s planning on doing a rewatch perchance use this playlist that I made. If you notice anything wrong please lmk. For the specials I just put one trailer and that means to switch to Netflix or if you don’t have Netflix to use this link.

Anyways without further ado hers my timeline + justification

First week:

A take of two tales

Maddie in chief

Apples princess practice

Here comes Cupid

Catching Raven

This is all the first week of school. The reason I put apples princess practice at the start is because it should take place before here comes Cupid, because Hunter has a bit of a crush on Apple. And then Maddie in chief should go before then bc in apples princess practice, Apple acts as if she is study body president. And catching raven just makes sense at the start of the year.

Stark mad raven

true reflections

briars study party

the shoe must go on

The cat who cried wolf

cedar wood would love to lie

I put stark mad raven and true reflections a bit later because Apple says last week in stark mad raven and tbh true reflections makes sense to be a little bit later so I decided to keep them together. Briars study party I also put a bit later, we know it’s at the start of the school year because blondie says but I think that it makes sense in the second week. The others are just in release order

Legacy day

The day after ever after

Replacing raven

Blondies just right

Rebels got talent

Mirrornet down

Class confusion

From legacy day - blondies just right, it’s release order and makes sense to be the direct aftermath of legacy day. Rebels got talent imo has to take place earlier on in the year, I’ll explain why later. Class confusion would be around mid November for a start of new term.

True hearts day

Cupid comes clean … kinda

The beautiful truth

Once upon a table

Poppy the roybel

O’hairs split ends

Kittys curious tale

Lizzie hearts fairytale first date

Lizzie shuffles the deck

Duchess’s swan lake

Cerise’s picnic panic

This is mostly just release order. Kittys curious tale has to take place after poppy the roybel since poppy is referenced to. And kittys curious tale has to be before Lizzie shuffles the deck because kitty is playing on the Royal croquet team. I assume because she pranked Lizzie, Lizzie kicked her out onto the rebel team.

Thronecoming

And the thronecoming queen is…

Best feather forwards

Ginger in the BREADhouse

Just release order, and it makes sense

Spring unsprung

Ashlynn’s fairytale frolic

Save me darling

The forest festival

Apples birthday bake off

Save me darling canonically takes place in April and it should be before wtw. Apples birthday webisode is moved to her because it should take place in may

Way to wonderland

A big bad secret

Rosabella and the BEASTS

In my mind apples birthday is Saturday/Sunday and wtw is the Monday after. A big bad secret is moved so that it happens before Ramona’s first appearance. And Rosabella’s episode canonically takes place in may

Dragon games

Moonlight mystery

Wish list

A tale of two parties

Piping hot beats

There’s no business like snow business

Epic winter

Release order and there’s no business like snow business moved to be before epic winter

The legacy orchard

Canonically takes place in September and the start of a new school year. We know this is the next school year because bunny and Alistair are there

What’s in the cards for courtly jester?

It comes out with all the chapter 3 webisodes in which a majority of them take place in the following school year. I think it makes sense that she’s allowed to go to school at the start of the next year and the webisode takes place during courtly second/third week

Sugar coated

Because the yearbook plot from legacy day orchard is mentioned we know it takes place after. And the canon month is October

Meeshell comes out her her shell

The talent show is mentioned and we know it’s a year after rebels got talent because it’s the same talent show except in rebels got talent Maddie is MC and in Meeshell comes out of her shell, Maddie has an act.

Croquet-tastrophe

Canonically takes place in November. Is 100% this school year because of the yearbook plot

Fairest on ice

Yearbook plot we know it takes place in this year. Canonically January

Heart struck

Takes place in February and the first day of spring … yeah I’m not sure why spring starts in February

Bunny and Alistair forever

Takes place in March. Because apparently spring starts in February spring unsprung could have taken place in February and this webisode taking place shortly after. Imo it’s makes more sense to take place the following year.

Beanstalk bravado

Because Meeshell is seen in it, I think it makes sense for it to take place the following year. I think around April/may makes sense, just because there aren’t really any other webisodes from March - June

Tri-castle-on

Canonically takes place in June, the end of the school year. And again… the yearbook plot.

If you notice anything wrong please lmk. Keep in mind this is a first draft.

If you use my playlist and want to keep an eye out for mistakes: if you see Hunter and Ashlynn together publicly it means it’s after true hearts day, if you see poppy in the school it means it’s after poppy the roybel, if you see bunny or Alistair it means it’s after spring unsprung, if you see Ramona … well thar could mean a lot of things, if you see Meeshell that means it’s either right before Meeshell comes out her shell or right after.

So if anything’s out of place feel free to dm or reblog/reply to this post. Also if there’s anything else that confirms or denies the timeline that I missed.

Edit: also if you see Meeshell in a webisode besides hers or beanstalk bravado please lmk. Or Ramona somewhere other than big bad dexter, moonlight mystery, dragon games or epic winter 🙏

(Ps also thank you to @roybelmirrorcast for their timeline on TikTok that really helped me place the larger specials/webisodes)

Now I’m going to work on adding the books 😭😭

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Drink Your Villain Juice - FAQ

Contains mild spoilers.

What is the story about?

You play as a science experiment turned undercover supervillain, charged with gathering information on a mysterious new villain group in town. With many skeletons in your closet and mixed allegiances, whose side are you really on?

Genres: Horror, action, traumatised people trying to heal (or get worse)

Who is involved with this IF?

There's the writer, and there's her wife (the secretary!). Both of us are active on the blog, so you may sometimes see posts unrelated directly to DYVJ, usually tagged #unrelated.

What are the protagonist's powers?

The protagonist/MC can grow a resilient membrane over their body, forming two tendrils from their shoulders. The membrane makes them stronger, faster, and more resilient.

MC can also select one of three power specialities: inducing wild and uncontrolled mutations of their body, creating small creepy-crawly minions (referred to as 'nodes'), and growing a protective carapace.

Will we be able to gain multiple powers/will you add new powers?

No: both would add too much complexity and also detract from the significance of the choice.

Will our powers get stronger?

Yes, to an extent, but I don't write based on power levels anyway. :)

Who is this Paradigm/Dime person people keep talking about?

Paradigm, AKA Dime, is the MC! It's their codename with their 'true' faction.

How long will the story be? Is it going to be a series?

Length: I have no idea! I'm not intending to get completely bonkers, but I want to ensure all the ROs get their time in the sun too.

Series: I suspect this will be a duology, but I can't be certain yet as we're not deep enough into the narrative.

Did you say Romance Options!? Elaborate!

There are currently 7 romanceable characters in DYVJ. You can also play the MC as aromantic, asexual, or both. The ROs are explained in more detail on choice of games, but briefly:

Mallory (non-binary), Wilson/Wilma/Willow (gender-selectable), Kay (female), Teddie (male, men only), Control Group (female), Alistair (male), Beth (female, women/nonbinaries).

I'm intending on including at least one poly route, featuring Wil and Kay.

I've heard there's a choice to have a previous RO in the past?

Correct! There's a flashback sequence with MC and some friends before the supervillainy. You can choose to have MC dating or crushing on Prii (nonbinary), Shauna (female), Grant (male), or Beth (female). This doesn't prevent you from romancing someone else later on!

Will the characters from the flashback show up again?

I can promise some level of closure! There won't be romance routes though. (Beth notwithstanding)

Will you make [X] an RO?

Seven is already an awful lot! I don't want to overcommit by adding more!

Can I select all the options for the Juice changing my character's appearance?

I'm presently not planning on adding this. I'd have to alter some code in an annoying way and I enjoy it being a choice with intent instead of an 'all of the above'.

Will we be able to get off the Juice/free from control?

Keep playing and see. ;)

How villainous can I get?/Do I have to be a villain?

There will be opportunities to leap off the proverbial slippery slope, but also to be unhappy and conflicted about what you're being forced to do.

Drink Your Villain Juice! is kind of a goofy name.

So I've heard! I know it's given people the impression that this is a comedy, which it, uh, very much is not. Honestly Drink Your Villain Juice! was the only title that popped for me in the conceptual stage: everything else felt much more bland or generic.

I've found a bug, how can I let you know?

First, please make sure you didn't resume playing on Dashingdon from an old save: updates to Dashingdon tend to break a lot of stuff in the backend and that's been the root of a lot of errors in the past.

If you're confident this isn't the problem, then just send an ask or post on the COG forum! I'll look into it.

I'd like to give feedback on the game!

Once again, send an ask, or post on the COG forum. I also have a feedback form I'm trying out for each chapter, so you can fill that out if you like!

Can I support you?

That's very kind of you! Support from fans is how I can work on the game and update as frequently as I do. I have a Patreon and a Ko-fi, but honestly, I'm grateful just for your feedback. :)

Do you have a discord?

Yes, it's tied to Patreon membership. However, if you have sent a tip/donation/etc, please reach out to DYVJ requests to talk about an invite. :)

[daily-eah-headcannons]

Yes I can! @karmaajr

Angst time baby because if you didn't know I study both Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There.

Maddie's bff is actually Time, sure her dad and him aren't the closest but Time absolutely adores her.

Time wanted to make sure that Maddie knew he was looking out for her when she had to evacuate Wonderland, as such he gave her the power to see into the future.

For the first week when Maddie came to Ever After she would only look at clocks with a blank expression. No-one knows what she was thinking...maybe she was thinking about Harett and Time, maybe she was thinking about Lily, perhaps Bunny and her family, maybe all at once.

She likes to say she doesn't cry and that's because she doesn't. She will just show up to Mad Hatters Tea Shoppe and Haberdashery and cling to him in silence.

When the Wonderland Curse happened it added or took away things, it also warped their biology and Maddie wasn't different. She used to be able to change her hair, change her clothes, change her body however she'd like without trouble but when the curse hit, suddenly what made her special was taken away. It took her months to figure out what happened and even longer to accept it.

Her mom is Alice.

her and Alistair are twins with her being older by 6 minutes. Before the curse they could change their appearances to look exactly like identical twins, they could change to look like either one of their parents, Maddie could be the next Alice and Alistair could be the next Mad Hatter for all they care. When the curse hit it took that away from them.

Maddie will sometimes wish to be Alice. The only ones who fully understand it is the Wonderlandians and the Hood/Badwolf family.

Alice wasn't killed, Wonderland protected her in its Forrest but she did forget who she was...all she could remember was that she loved someone with a top hat and loved a Xylophone as well as a riddle.

When the curse was lifted everything was reversed except those who died.

However it wasn't until Alice saw her twins and her husband that her memory came back to her.

Both Maddie and Alistair have a "Mad" name and a "Sane" name.

Maddie's sane name is of course Madeline while Alistairs mad name is Allie.

Badwolf helped alot with her seeing as she was born less than a hour apart from Cerise.

Maddie has a stuffed hare that she would cuddle up to, and look, if she cried Kitty wouldn't tell.

This is Harett.

Her and Harett were the closest of friends when she left but when she came back they started to date (look, all of my Wonderland ships are weird, I got Lizzie shipped with a backgrounder from Monster High, this is a tame one.)

Harett and her are notorious for matching.

During the Wonderland Curse Harett went beyond mad, he would do nothing but sit at the tea-table, speak riddlish so insane that no one could understand him. He would rapidly twitch and he would talk to the symbols of the characters, radios surrounded the table and he would drink fake tea. Others had to actually give him real tea but tea was hard to come by.

When the curse was lifted him and Maddie became even more inseparable. He has snuck into her dorm several times just to have tea and a cuddle.

Mad Hatter and the March Hare are bffs so they are actually happy for them.

Now that the curse has lifted Maddie's biology is back to normal.

When she gets angry her hair becomes black and red and get fluffier, her eyes change and she generally looks terrifying.

She now had severe abandonment issues and will randomly cling to others.

She's technically a princess since her mom is a queen but she doesn't like showing it off.

Alice is queen of the woods in Wonderland.

Since Maddie is both a Looking-Glass character and a Wonderland character she is free to roam wherever she pleases in that world.

After the curse was lifted all Wonderlandians were allowed one month off from Ever After. Headmaster Milton Grimm originally disagreed to it. Giles Grimm overruled his disagreement.

Most of the time was spent just holding her mom.

She shares her height with her mom.

She also shares her fashion sense with her.

Alice escaped Ever After after realizing she'd never be happy with a man who belives a woman is second place to him. She ended up running away in her wedding dress, down the rabbit hole and into Mad Hatters arms.

It's also why Allistars last name is Wonderland because Alice changed her last name.

Alice shared a dorm with The Queen of Hearts and due to how she was raised she was extremely shy and nervous. She made friends with Badwolf and Mad Hatter who slowly got her to open up and be less shy....that's when they realise she was illiterate due to her harsh upbringing.

Mad Hatter made her Tea Cakes as a gift. Those things would be at their first date, their wedding and became a symbol of their love.

When Mad Hatter escaped with the other Wonderlandians he still made tea cakes but he couldn't eat them without crying just wishing to share them with his Alice.

Mad Hatter tried not to cry in front of the others, he tried his best and will goto his room if he absolutely has to cry.

Maddie knows he does it too. And on those nights Maddie just so happens to have a nightmare and needs her dad.

Maddie is extremely observant. She sees how Professor Card won't stop painting the Ace of Diamonds, she's seen Scottie and Scottdum look at their backsides wishing for their tails back, how Professor Knight holds onto a old Red Knight chess piece when he is talking about damsels, how Her Majesty The White Queen will mumble Lily's name. She's seen how Lizzie will talk to a card deck like her parents and brothers are still there. She especially sees how Kitty looks at Callico knowing he's not hers. She's heard her father accidentally say Alice's name when he refers to the group forgetting for a second shes not there.

She has seen Badwolf look at her like there's supposed to be two but forgetting there is only one.

When Alistair came to Ever After his dorm became a place where all the Wonderlandians hanged out since Sparrow doesnt use his side. They even had Professor Card come over.

Maddie doesn't resent Raven because she understands it wasn't her that put the curse on Wonderland, especially when Raven fixed it. However there is just a small piece that wishes Raven would understand just how bad it effected everyone in Wonderland especially when they had to burry Lizzies 8 brothers. Especially when you can see the ptsd in Bunny and Allstars eyes. Especially when Maddie flenches when Raven speaks about her mother.

Since Alice didn't learn to read or write till she was 14 she made sure her kids learned both of those skills both in Riddlish and in English as well as several other languages like Morse-Code, Pig Latin, Flag Language that Mad Hatter made, Spanish, French, and a few more. She didn't want them to suffer the way she did.

Alice made sure that no matter what gender they decided to be that they shouldn't be bound by gender-roles and expectations.

In turn it's not uncommon for Maddie to wear "guy clothes"

On a good note: Wonderland is alive and does sometimes play pranks on her.

Source: THESE ARE ALL BASED OFF OF SOME SORT OF CANNON! WOOOOO. Also I love talking about Wonderlandians I have so many headcannons

[professorsparklepants]

welcome to fanfic I won't write fridays, where I talk about fanfic I won't write

happy dragon age 4 to those who celebrate it's time to put all my "pevensie siblings isekai'd into dragon age pcs" thoughts in one post

peter is the inquisitor; i considered lucy for this but she's more what the inquisition wants you to appear to be (a divine prophet protecting the people) rather than what you actually are (the head of a military organization with fingers in politics and heavy religious propaganda

edmund is the champion of kirkwall; the entire point of da2 is that everything is in shades of grey and there are no right answers, and edmund is painted as the most familiar with moral ambiguity and the most forgiving of it

lucy is the grey warden originally through process of elimitation but being dropped in a dying world, told there's a near futile mission to hold back the decay that's eating the continent, and not only facing it whole heartedly but succeeding so well you have time to run off and try to cure it yourself with no backup is EXTREMELY lucy behavior

susan is "sir not appearing in this film (until dragon age 4 comes out)"

all four of them land around the same time. lucy gets wrapped up in the origins plot immediately, and da2 happens mostly simultaneously iirc so so is edmund. peter is biding time doing the qunari mercenary backstory until da:i starts. susan is also biding her time but by clawing her way up the local social hierarchy.

DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS

lucy is a mage with the spirit healer specialization, but based on her canon weapon use i think also has traces of the arcane warrior.

duncan literally finds her by the side of the road and goes "hey kid you wanna fight darkspawn." lucy asks if they're evil and he says yes so she signs up immediately. a simple woman.

she absolutely makes the full party her bisexual polycule. yes even the unromancable ones. i have faith in her.

morrigan: i'm straight lucy: for now.

leliana is her favorite but don't tell anyone.

lucy adores mabari. absolutely nothing in thedas is more narnian than the mabari. when she meets her siblings again they are all going to be so fucking jealous that she has one.

lucy doesn't make alistair king because he seems like he's kind of bad at it and i think she can sniff that out. my sister is of the opinion that lucy would make him king and then marry him bc she knows she would do a good job. i think she only said this because she finds it funny.

however i do think lucy would convince alistair to do the ritual because she sees absolutely nothing wrong with him having sex with a woman he hates who turns into a giant spider sometimes.

lucy, has attended dozens of bacchanalia: who hasn't slept with someone they dislike while under the effects of magic? all her companions: where did you say you were from again?

she does absolutely kill loghain though because a. all the shit he did is deserving of an execution, b. edmund isn't here to stop her, and c. alistair threatens to quit if she doesn't and despite having a mabari he's her emotional support animal

DRAGON AGE 2

i couldn't decide if edmund was a mage or a warrior but i decided it would be funnier if he were both, because it has such hawke energy. you surpress his magic? he has a sword. you disarm him? he has a fireball!

i don't know what warrior specialization i would pick for him, but he's definitely a force mage

i think edmund literally falls out of a portal and saves bethany/carver's life so the hawkes just decide to adopt him. he's theirs now. leandra just full on lies and says he's her son. what the fuck is her brother gonna do about it.

edmund walks into the den of sin and darkness that is kirkwall, sighs, and rolls up his sleeves to get to work. he is going to make this city a better place one back alley brawl at a fucking time. try him.

edmund romances anders because he has "i only date disasters/i can fix him" vibes and i think it's funny for him to be a former sovereign whose boyfriend is a wanted terrorist.

but also the da2 polycule IS real edmund is just not dating everyone at once. he's busy and also i hc him as only into men. imagine what you want though this isn't a real fic.

sorry the image of edmund just pspspspspsps-ing all of his sad, angry, morally grey companions into being friends is so fucking funny to me. local man brainwashed by evil as a child is too full of love and the belief in second chances to say no to a blood mage, guy who is willingly possessed at all times, escaped slave who lives in a mansion full of rotting corpses, a cop, and a romance novelist who keeps stealing your life story.

DRAGON AGE: INQUISITION

peter has the qunari mercenary backstory, and is absolutely a warrior build. probably champion build?

also i think he romances cassandra. i considered josephine but that's more a susan romance. if peter were into men that way he'd be all over iron bull and he says as much after a couple drinks.

peter, cornering cullen after their first war meeting: you haven no military experience do you. cullen: please don't tell anyone. i need this job.

he takes one look at solas and goes "oh this guy is not normal. idk what his deal is but this is some kind of oak god at least."

varric doesn't know edmund and peter are siblings until edmund shows up and he is INCREDIBLY offended by it. what do you MEAN i've been calling you hawke for years and it's not even your fucking name. the BETRAYAL.

edmund: my ex-boyfriend blew up the chantry and started the mage/templar war peter: HEY DORIAN, MY HONORABLE GOOD FRIEND WHO IS GAY, HAVE YOU MET MY VERY GAY BROTHER

"well his family owns slaves that's enough of a project for Edmund"

you know the table mission where the warden send you a letter? instead of that i think lucy just turns around and immediately heads back to thedas. THAT'S HER FUCKIN BROTHER!!!!!!!! she shows up after edmund does obviously for maximum "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!" drama

[scene: all three pevensies are roaring drunk in skyhold and casting members of the inquisition as Narnian creatures] Peter: I think Solas is a centaur. He's wise, respectful, and vaguely condescending. Lucy: [sniggering bc she clocked Solas] I think he's a wolf. Edmund: I think he's a marshwiggle. [Peter and Lucy absolutely lose it]

Lucy, halfway through stumbling back to her room: WAIT. DORIAN IS A PEACOCK. Peter, three floors up: [ugly donkey noise]

DRAGON AGE: VEILGUARD

obviously there's nothing 2 say about this yet

however i will say for certain that if there's a noble human background i'll be giving it to susan

idc that she literally got portal fantasy'd into this world. she's pretty and socially dangerous she wormed her way in there. she's got those diplomatic social climber stats.

she's also a rogue, no question.

[sinizade]

Brianna Tabris

19 years old (Beginning) // 38 years old (The Calling)

Rogue: Crossbow and Daggers

Besties: Alistair / Shale / Anders / Sigrun / Duke of Barkstown (dog)

Friends: Oghren / Velanna / Nathaniel / Wynne / Morrigan

Not Besties: Sten (He is very grumpy) / Justice

Romance: Zevran Arainai (Mi Amorzito😊)

Brianna knows how to be a serious woman when the moment calls for it because of her difficult time on Alienage, but in reality she and Alistair share the same brain cell. Even though it wasn't the life she wanted for her family, Brianna always did her best to make her father, Soris and Shianni smile as best she could.

She has a deep grudge for Duncan not coming to her rescue, for not saving Shianni, but she always tries not to show her disgust to the elder when Alistair mentions him.

Even though she already had her romances during her life, with Zevran it is different, he is special, he respects her not only as a woman, but as a warrior. While looking for The Call's cure, Zevran accompanies her and it's even a relief to have him by her side at such a difficult time.

Changed my Warden's appearance again (and this time I put more "warden" clothes on her)

I got this template from this link

[jacklyn-flynn]

Wow, it's been a really long time since I've posted one of these, but I'm hoping doing so on the regular will keep me motivated to keep writing. I'm over half-way through my original timeline for Space Trash, so we're on the home stretch!

Here's a couple tiny blurbs from the main story of Space Trash and a tiny side project in the same AU.

“Who are you?” Jules asked with a confused frown. The recent events left her doubting he was even real. The man's eyebrows shot up. He transferred the massive hydrogen blade with its glowing edge to the opposite hand and offered the freed one to her. “King Alistair Theirin, monarch of the entire Fereldan system. We met a few hours ago, but it's fine. I've been told I'm a forgettable fellow.”

And from a side story:

He released her and started to roll his sleeves back down again. “You take care of the paint for me and I’ll go send Bull and the Chargers your way.” He started to walk away, then turned and walked backwards a few paces. “Oh, hey, is our bet still on?”  “Absolutely. I can’t believe you think you’re gonna make money off that,” Jules scoffed.  “I’m telling you,” Morgan said, shaking his head with a grin, “he’s gonna cry.”

[hawkepockets]

31 days of dragon age

oct 1. introduce your hero(es) of ferelden

as promised… post it note drawings from at my job…

matsendra surana (L) is the warden of my all mages worldstate! he’s a honey-tongued half-elf circle mage who specializes in glyphs. he grew up feeling very pampered & privileged in the circle despite being banned from using practical magic since childhood—due to somniari like himself being particularly susceptible & attractive to demons.

he was harrowed, devoted himself to the study of theoretical magic, and ascended to the rank of enchanter due to his scholarly achievements, easygoing nature, and knack for making harmless contraband items like elfroot pipes and soft winter underclothes appear and move around the tower. he was gentle, contented, permissably hedonistic. mages & templars liked him. he was one of the “good” mages…

until he was found guilty of association with an alleged blood mage. matsendra had been quick to betray jowan to the proper authorities, but it didn’t matter. he was sentenced to tranquility. duncan conscripted him so as not to waste his life and talents.

as a warden, he had to learn from scratch how to survive in a world with weather, wild animals, hunger, and no self-warming enchanted teacups, how to interact with people outside the circle mage/templar power dynamic, and how to cast his own spells. at 36 he seems a bit old to be such a baby—especially to alistair, who wants him to replace stern, competent duncan as his mentor.

but he’s always been a quick study. wynne finds it hard to recognize her lazy cat of a student in the hardened, scarred & tattooed spell-slinging arl of amaranthine/lover of a witch of the wilds/father of a tevinter god reborn through blood magic/commander of the grey that comes out of this adventure. he’s become one of the most magically and politically powerful men east of the frostbacks. and, since he was “granted” the royal boon of a free fereldan circle that never came to be, he resents the chantry. they need him back under control.

the templars drag matsendra down, branding him a heretic and finally following through on their promise to make him tranquil. overnight he goes from an arl and beacon for free mages to one of a dozen docile formari. but his witch is still out there, as is his dearest friend anders…

harinder aeducan (center) is the warden of my all DWARVES worldstate! she is a grim, highly traditional noble warrior, specializing in melee archery. as princess of orzammar, hari was said to take after the paragon aeducan himself in her grave, lonesome demeanor and obsession with preserving her city and its traditions. far and away the most conservative aeducan, harinder followed rules the rest of her house had long set aside as archaic and inconvenient, including not touching or speaking directly to casteless dwarves and veiling her face around any lower caste. her total remoteness made her much less popular among their people than bhelen, although still better-liked than trian, thanks to her beauty and her perpetual air of sadness and stoic, doomed resolve against the darkness pressing in on orzammar.

she was a faithful daughter to endrin, but never the sister bhelen wanted. her priority was keeping the family united, not entertaining progressive ideas or sympathizing with his repressed anger toward endrin and trian. it was just all kind of beneath her and beneath an aeducan prince’s dignity… an attitude that got her betrayed, framed for trian’s murder, struck from the memories and cast out into the deep roads. hari pleaded for the right to join the legion of the dead and die with her name in the family records, but she was denied.

the wardens found her and performed the joining, but not before she was mauled across the face by darkspawn and contracted the taint. she made up her mind not to let any part of this waking nightmare disturb her outwardly, and just to perform the duties of a warden with the same grim, graceful efficiency as she had her duties in court. after all she was already dead to herself, a revenant only still animated because she hadn’t been given funeral rites. wynne, sten, and shale all understood her better than the young companions.

alistair’s love threatened to change all that…but in the end she crowned both harrowmont and him—tradition above all—and gave the glorious death she wanted for herself against the archdemon away to loghain. last anyone heard, she was searching for a cure to the calling, though stone knows it’s not to extend her own life. she just wants to pay something back to the wardens, and ali in particular.

melantho mahariel (R) is a floater without a worldstate! she’s a dalish hunter whose blight sickness was already in an advanced stage when duncan abducted saved her through conscription. mela is extremely blunt and bitter, but her upbringing in clan sabrae taught her to greet needy strangers with an open hand and defend those who ask. her frankness and compassion make her an effective warden, if a thorny traveling companion.

zevran is drawn to her first out of admiration of her ferocity in combat and a wistful curiosity about the dalish, but finds quickly that her acid temper and deliberate disregard for social cues are highly endearing to a crow who grew up surrounded by careful mouths and blades. and her penchant for giving thoughtful gifts when she has no kind words to offer is much appreciated too. her almost goblinoid figure, already spare before it was wasted and warped by blight sickness, wouldn’t normally be to his taste—but he can’t deny he likes how easily he can lift his tiny, light-as-a-sick-cat girlfriend off the ground. or how nice it is to have someone who needs a little tending to, after a youth with no one to look after but himself.

[saladruiner]

I got tagged by @crabs-with-sticks to make my Dragon Age OCs with this lovely tool! thanks Jacs!

Starting at the top left, we have my Cousland (rogue, but I don't really have a set specialization for her). Though she herself is more on the serious side, she fell for Alistair's golden retriever energy and became his queen. She's spent years searching for the cure for the Calling. In my personal fantasy, she eventually found it and they had their happily ever after. Then we have my Hawke (force mage), who is anything but serious. She's sarcastic yet charming, which is how she managed to get Fenris to fall in love with a mage. Next is Lavellan (rift mage, also pretend like her eyes are green bc I didn't see that option available). She fell in love with Solas and is determined to redeem him, or else one of them will die in the attempt. She's good-natured but can be fierce when she needs to. And last, my Rook. My goth queen Mourn Watch Death Caller. I don't have anything planned for her aside from her general appearance, but she'll either romance Emmrich or Lucanis -- whoever ends up fitting her vibe better.

if they would like to participate, I'm tagging @lasatfat @midmorninggrey @tobythewise @seigephoenix and anyone else who wants to try it. have fun!

[pers-books]

WARNING: Contains SPOILERS for Doctor Who - "The Giggle."

SUMMARY

 Doctor Who's final 60th anniversary special sets up a potential spinoff show featuring UNIT on Disney+.

 The new UNIT team in "The Giggle" showcases a strong camaraderie and dynamic, laying the groundwork for future appearances and a possible spinoff.

 The introduction of the Vlinx, a new robot working for UNIT, hints at potential backstory and teases a potential UNIT show on Disney+.

Doctor Who's final 60th anniversary special, "The Giggle" has set up the rumored UNIT spinoff show on Disney+ in multiple ways. Now installed in a flashy new skyscraper in central London, UNIT recall the Fourteenth Doctor (David Tennant) to help them stop the world from going mad. Although the main draw of "The Giggle" is the battle between the Doctor and the Toymaker (Neil Patrick Harris), there's a sense that it's setting up a future UNIT spinoff. Doctor Who spinoffs on Disney+ have been heavily rumored since the co-production deal was announced. The new Whoniverse title also implies that Doctor Who will have its own expansive fictional universe.

Doctor Who's rumored UNIT spinoff would be led by Jemma Redgrave's Kate Stewart, the daughter of Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart (Nicholas Courtney). Following on from the reveal in "The Power of the Doctor" that UNIT hires former Doctor Who companions as freelancers, it's expected that some classic series actors will reprise their roles. "The Giggle" outlines the structure of the new UNIT, which gives the sense of Doctor Who's final 60th anniversary special being a backdoor pilot for a new spinoff.

8 UNIT's Brand New Headquarters

It looks a lot like the Avengers Tower.

Doctor Who's UNIT have never had the best of luck with their HQs in the modern series. Their New York HQ and the Valiant were devastated by the Daleks in "The Stolen Earth", their presidential plane was blown up by Zygons in "The Zygon Invasion", and their brand-new building was blown up by Tegan Jovanka (Jane Fielding) in "The Power of the Doctor." The biggest surprise of "The Giggle" is that the UNIT skyscraper largely remains standing after their confrontation with the Toymaker. Giving UNIT a permanent base of operations does feel like a way to establish the Doctor Who spinoff show's primary location.

7 The Dynamic Between The New UNIT Team

Doctor Who's new UNIT work brilliantly together.

In the 1970s, Doctor Who had the UNIT family, so-called because of the warm relationships between the Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee), his companions and the UNIT team. There's a sense of this camaraderie in "The Giggle", with Shirley Anne Bingham (Ruth Madeley) quickly forgiving Kate for her ableist abuse while under the influence of the Toymaker. This is clearly a team that trusts each other implicitly, much like the UNIT team of old. A strong central team structure is a strong foundation for their future appearances in Doctor Who, but it also guarantees good grounding for a spinoff show.

6 The Vlinx

What's going on with UNIT's new robot?

The Vlinx (Nicholas Briggs) feels like the most obvious bit of set up for Doctor Who's UNIT spinoff. There must be many stories to tell about how the Vlinx came to Earth and began working for UNIT. They appear to be a robotic version of James Bond's Q, providing UNIT with gadgets and technology to meet alien threats. The Vlinx invented the Zeedex that shielded UNIT from the effects of "The Giggle", and would presumably fulfill a similar purpose in future appearances. Doctor Who's new robot also draws comparisons with Mr. Smith (Alexander Armstrong) from Russell T Davies' previous spinoff show, The Sarah Jane Adventures, further teasing a potential UNIT show.

5 The Galvanic Beam

UNIT is sufficiently tooled up to fight alien threats.

The galvanic beam that triggered Doctor Who's first bi-generation is more evidence of the substantial tools that UNIT have at their disposal. Way back in David Tennant's first-ever episode, "The Christmas Invasion", the Torchwood Institute had a similarly powerful weapon trained on the Sycorax spaceship. The reveals about Torchwood recurred throughout David Tennant's first Doctor Who season, culminating in their introduction in the season 2 finale and the eventual John Barrowman-led spinoff. It's possible that the galvanic beam is a subtle callback, with future UNIT episodes in Ncuti Gatwa's era eventually paving the way for a full series order for a UNIT spinoff on Disney+.

4 UNIT Offers Donna A Job

Could Catherine Tate come back in a spinoff show?

Donna brilliantly figures out that the brain signal resembles a tune, eventually inspiring the Doctor to recognize that it's the giggle of Stooky Bill stored in broadcast signals. The super temp from Chiswick impresses Kate Stewart so much that she offers Donna a job with a generous pay package and benefits. Donna doesn't explicitly accept the job on-screen, but the money will give her cash-strapped family the chance to relax more. Interestingly, Yasmin Finney is said to return for Ncuti Gatwa's first season of Doctor Who, perhaps interning for UNIT. If Donna's daughter is still in the new era of Doctor Who, then it's easy enough for her to pop up in a UNIT spinoff in a special guest role.

3 Doctor Who's Mel Now Works For UNIT

The 1980s companion will be back next season, too.

Kate Stewart fulfilled her promise to the Doctor Who companion support group by hiring Mel as a computer expert for UNIT. If Russell T Davies is repeating some of his past glories, he could do a lot worse than put Bonnie Langford front and center in her own show. That's what he did with Elisabeth Sladen and The Sarah Jane Adventures in 2006, so it would make a lot of sense to do the same with Langford. While Mel was a divisive Doctor Who companion, Bonnie Langford is an excellent actress with a big public profile thanks to her West End and Broadway experience. There could be nobody better to lead the UNIT spinoff alongside Jemma Redgrave.

2 UNIT Are Hiring Former Doctor Who Companions

It's not just Donna and Mel.

While executive producing The Sarah Jane Adventures, Russell T Davies brought back both the Brigadier and Jo Grant (Katy Manning). He also planned to bring back Sophie Aldred as Ace, had Elisabeth Sladen not sadly passed away before filming on season 5 completed. RTD clearly doesn't want to crowd the new show with old faces, and that's the right decision as Ncuti Gatwa's Doctor Who is being billed as a fresh start. However, with Mel, Tegan, Ace, and potentially Donna Noble on the payroll, there's a real possibility that other classic Doctor Who companions will be brought into a UNIT spinoff show to provide their own unique expertise.

1 UNIT Has An Earthbound Doctor Again

David Tennant's 14th Doctor remains on Earth.

50 years after the Third Doctor's exile to Earth ended, the Fourteenth Doctor's is just beginning. While this is a self-imposed exile designed to give the Doctor time to rest, reflect, and enjoy a normal life, UNIT will be reassured to know they've got him on speed dial. Russell T Davies making the decision to keep around David Tennant after Doctor Who feels like a calculated move to bring back the Fourteenth Doctor when the story demands it. Having the retired Fourteenth Doctor occasionally feature as an advisory figure in the new UNIT spinoff could provide an interesting new spin on Doctor Who tropes that wouldn't undermine his heartwarming happy ending.

[ndostairlyrium]

3, 7, 8 from the DAV asks! :3

HI!! <3 thanks for asking!

The meme

3 - Do you usually play as a warrior, mage, or rogue? Which class are you planning to try first this time around? Which subclass?

Alors, I usually play a 2h weapon lil guy in the first playthrough of any game; my playstyle is "going straight into things without thinking too much", which is fun because irl I'm the opposite :'D

So I think I will stick to that: warrior, 2h weapon, and I think I'll see which specialization will fit best lol

7 - Which character from the previous games or other media are you most hoping will make an appearance in DAV?

Ooooooh boi do I have A LIST hahahah

My "fingers crossed they'll be there": Fenris, Dorian, Maevaris, Velanna, Nathaniel, Sigrun, Josephine, Calpernia, and possibly someone related to our Origins background (eg. Fergus Cousland in my case). Also PLEASE Anora and Briala <3

I'd love to see the loves of my life (Alistair and Cassandra), but I'm very skeptical about it <<

With that said, I'll be happy with anyone hahah <3

8 - What faction are you most excited to learn more about?

Already replied here

They're all cool anyway, and I think this variety would help with um, second or third playthroughs o: I don't remember the exact word in english but like, you would wanna play the game again to see what's up with the other factions hahah

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

aftermath 2

A dark blue, fish-eyed globe turns itself across the screen, starting in Canada and traveling eastwards around the world. Five words flash over the globe: TOTAL - TAKES - WORLD - TOUR - AFTERMATH!

A static flash to Wales, on the countryside. 

---

Julia hangs at the back of the group, watching the two up front. Mal darts into frame for a moment, running around her ankles and barking before circling the group once again. 

The sound of laughter and sheep appears from behind the team and Julia turns a bit to catch a glimpse of Team Mojo following them up the crest, sheep in line and following Sha-Mod and Patrick in the front. 

The latter grins and waves as they pass by. “See you at the finish line, sweetie!”

Julia grimaces, but waits til the team disappears up ahead to make comment. 

“I hate that guy,”

---

Then to Australia, in the rainforest:

---

It’s dark. 

The sound of bugs flying, mammals chittering, and birds crying out fills the empty air. 

Slowly, Sha-Mod awakes. He groans and sits up, scratching his head with his back to the camera. “Owie,” he says. 

Then, it’s bright. Too bright. 

“Wait,” he grabs at his face. The feeling of warm flesh fills the void where smooth paper should be. Sha-Mod looks to the ground and sees the mulchy, emulsified remains of Lighting crumbled on the ground. “Oh, no. Oh no. This isn’t good.”

---

The Title Card flashes again and fades into a pink, warm-lit studio. Unlike last season’s aftermath, this peanut gallery is sparse and empty. O picks at his nails absent-mindedly, Alistair waves and flashes a pearly grin, Scary is holding a large book over their face and avoiding the glare of the cameras as they zoom in. Beneath them, the so-far eliminated contestants who bothered to show- Joner and Scruffy. 

But no one directs the attention of both the cameras and the audience like the navy-blue haired, sharply dressed pastel puff standing in the center of the stage. Caesar waves at the adoring crowd, soaking in the attention like a flower takes in the sun. And by the looks of it, he needs the vitamin D- he’s rather pale and tired-looking for someone of his sunny disposition. Behind him, on the pink couch in the center of the stage, a moody-looking teenage boy is on his phone, leaning back against the sofa with his legs kicked up. He pulls a wad of chewed gum out of his mouth and wipes it on the couch. Caesar cringes. 

“Welcome one, welcome all, to another riveting episode of Total Takes World Tour: The Aftermath! I’m your host, Caesar, and behind me is my… unique co-host. Noco,” he seems to go tense at the name, as if a shiver is running up his spine. “We have a very special episode for you today, folks, so stay tuned for drama, drama, and more drama!”

“Whoop-dee-doo,” Noco says unenthusiastically, twirling his finger in a little circle. Caesar grits his teeth. 

“Joining us today are our charming peanut gallery- O, Alistair- formerly known as Fren- Scary, Joner, Scruffy, and- hm. McLovin?” Caesar looks around the stage. “Has anyone seen McLovin?”

“McLovin is busy preparing this super secret awesome surprise for the fundraiser!” Joner chimes in. “I’m the lookout- I mean! He’s busy! Aw, man…”

Scruffy pats his shoulder. “You did your best,”

“Ahem, well… speaking of the fundraiser, this isn’t just any episode of Aftermath… today, we’re sending out an S.O.S. for our stranded friends,” Caesar says, pacing the stage. He speaks in long, dramatic drawls. “Stuck on a remote island in the middle of the Atlantic, not a penny to be spared.”

The peanut gallery sighs, and the audience aw’s. 

“Oh, can we cut the crap?” Noco yawns and sits up, turning on the monitor behind him to a live broadcast on St. Helena. The World Tour contestants are lounging on the beaches, enjoying provisions from first class, and playing tag in the fields. Chris and Chef toast to a much-needed vacation in their inflatable pool. 

Caesar rushes over and flicks off the screen. “Like I said- tragic!” 

“Listen, folks…” Noco says, standing in front of Caesar. “This whole episode is nothing but corporate pressure from the big wigs upstairs. The producers are too cheap to pay it out of their own fat pockets, and now they’re scamming us into believing that the cast is dying in some desert.”

“They’re stranded on an island. Together! I couldn’t imagine a worse fate. And Bonnie is all alone…” the host looks down warily, fidgeting with his bow tie. 

“Oh, please. A break from the script is a paradise. I would be relieved to know the charade is over. Max and Julia-”

Caesar begrudgingly pulls a small remote from his coat and presses the large red button on its surface. An extremely loud incorrect buzzer paralyzes the audience for a split-second. Noco falls backwards. 

“Alright, enough of that. Now, with your help, we can raise the necessary funds to save our stranded friends. Donate by calling the number below, or send your checks to the Aftermath Inbox,” Caesar says, pointing as a graphic flashes across the bottom of the screen. 

Across the stage, the peanut gallery pulls out landlines from under their seats. O gives Caesar a thumbs-up. 

“For our first telethon act, we have the one, the only: Takes Three Trio!” Caesar announces, backing away from the center of the stage as the lights dim. 

A single spotlight illuminates three figures in matching tracksuits. Sha-Mod, in blue, stands on the far left, nodding solemnly. Joner, in green, mirrors him on the right, staring up at the ceiling. McLovin, in pink, takes center stage. A single tear rolls down his cheek. 

Caesar mumbles “Oh, brother,” as a beat begins playing. 

Joner starts. “Our friends, you need to save- our friends, you gotta tell, our friends- that you care!”

Sha-Mod picks up. “St. Helena, they’re trapped down in: St. Helena. They can’t even- Sha-Party. It’s so unfair!”

“You gotta help now, they’re on the brink,” McLovin vocalizes. “The crew gets fired, if this ship sinks!”

“So make a difference- in their lives!” Joner says. 

All three harmonize on the next line. “Empty your wallets or they all die,”

Caesar cringes as Sha-Mod picks up from there. “Saaaaave this show! Total Takes!”

“Saaaaaaaaaave this show! Don’t let them escape!” McLovin sings. 

“Save the show that you love!” the three harmonzie again. 

A tear rolls down Joner’s cheek. “Saaave this show- Total Takes!”

“Saaaave this show- don’t forsake- Them,” McLovin continues awkwardly. 

“Save our friends with love… and one-hundred thousand dollars!”

Sha-Mod flips on a pair of sunglasses. “Save the show, baby. Send us your money. Please. Send us money,”

The lights turn back on and Caesar clears his throat. “That was… um, grim?”

“Thank you!” McLovin beams. 

“Oookay. Speaking of the Takes Three Trio, Sha-Mod: as the first booted contestant since the last Aftermath, would you do the honors of announcing our prizes?”

Sha-Mod pulls out a card and clears his throat. “For a donation of $25, you’ll get a, um… does this say a lock of hair from the contestant of your choosing?”

“Okay!” Caesar laughs, nabbing the cards from his hands. He leans into Noco. “I thought we agreed no body parts!”

“Do you want donations or not?”

Caesar thinks for a moment and then grumbles to himself. “And for a donation of $50, you’ll get a commemorative DVD copy of the first season of Total Takes Island!” The audience cheers. “For one hundred, you’ll get a personal shoutout on the Total Takes official blog!”

The audience whoops and hollers again. Scary peers over the edge of her book and rolls his eyes. 

“And for the low, low donation of $5, you’ll get… a signed folder of proof that Total Takes is scripted?” Caesar squints at the cue card. “ISAAC!”

The gloomy boy grins and shrugs. “I figured someone would bite. I mean, hey- the proof is in the pudding,”

O leans into Alistair. “I hate when he smiles. It scares me,”

The pink-haired actor nods in agreement. 

Caesar glares. “Fine. Whatever! For the price of $200, you’ll get a blind date with none other than our beloathed co-host, Noco!”

Noco’s smile drops. “Huh?”

The phones begin ringing off the hook, filling the air with the sharp sound of bells. Caesar scoffs. “Imagine that,”

“To be fair, the dark and mysterious “bad boy” look is really popular,” Scruffy says, matter-of-factly. “Noco is really popular in my superfan Discord server.”

The host rolls his eyes. Peter stands suddenly, clutching the landline receiver in his sweaty palms. “Um, I have about six different people with $200 donations. What do I do?”

“Yeah, we’re out of hold space here, man!” O yells. 

“Then it’s a bidding war! Starting price, $200!”

“You-you can’t do that-! I hate romance! I hate happiness! No one should want to “date” me!” Noco interjects, shoving a finger in Caesar’s face. He swats it away. 

“Tough luck. Let’s see those numbers!” 

The monitor drops from the ceiling again and crackles to life, displaying a whirl of flashing numbers, climbing up to the thousands faster than they can count. Noco shrivels like a grape in the sun. 

“While the fans battle it out, let’s have another special guest on stage to boost these numbers. You may know him as the Princess of Total Takes- or the dunce! Ladies and gentlemen, Patrick!” 

Patrick walks out on stage, stiff and unhappy. He glares sharply at Caesar before taking a seat, his legs neatly crossed. 

“Welcome to the show, Patrick, we’re glad to have you. Can I offer you something? Water? Tea? First aid?”

The audience laughs and Patrick scoffs. 

“Whatever,”

Caesar clears his throat and winks at the audience, who laughs in turn. “So, you’ve had quite the rough season, haven’t you?”

“As if. I was just getting warmed up, and they gave me the boot! They don’t know what they’re missing- Team Mojo just lost its most valuable player!” Patrick snaps, holding out a petite porcelain teacup for an intern to fill with warm water. “Those two kittens won’t last a day without me, I- honey, not sugar. I’m watching my complexion- I’m unexpendable! It should’ve been that cupcake, Albert.”

The audience Ooh’s. Caesar chuckles. “Yes, yes- word on the street is that you two weren’t the best of friends. And yet you never rigged the votes to get him kicked from the game?”

Patrick raises an eyebrow. “Rigged the votes? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you know, you… you rigged the votes in season one, and you rigged them to get Sha-Mod booted…”

The camera pans over to the Takes Three Trio, who all shake their heads in a disapproving fashion. Patrick takes a long sip from his teacup. 

“Listen, Bluebell, I don’t know who you’re getting your info from, but I didn’t do any “rigging”. A guy like me doesn’t have to play dirty- if everyone knows what’s best for them, they stay outta my way!” 

Caesar raises an eyebrow. “Wait, so… you didn’t rig the votes against Fren in Island?”

“Who is Fren?”

“My, my… with the irrefutable evidence of tampering, this means there’s an entirely different- possibly two different traitors in our midsts!” the host says, prompting the audience and peanut gallery (nix Scary) to gasp. “Scruffy- our resident TD expert- any thoughts?”

Scruffy scratches their chin, looking around for a few moments. “I can’t believe I never considered… I suppose I was just so caught up with Jules…”

“Don’t remind me,” Patrick grumbles, delicately holding his cup. 

“Oh, speaking of which…” Caesar says, checking his watch. “It’s time for our next segment- Who Dumped Who? And make sure to keep those donations rolling in!”

The monitor lowers again, turning on and focusing on the image of Patrick and Julia through a restaurant window. The audio is unintelligible, but within seconds, she’s throwing a fistful of spaghetti at his face. 

A faint ding sounds. “That’s one breakup for Julia!”

Another scene starts, this time of the two smiling awkwardly for a fan picture on the street. The fangirl snaps a selfie with them and walks away, and the two immediately burst into an argument. Patrick shouts something indistinct and storms off (into oncoming traffic, where he’s hit by a bus). 

“That’s one for Patrick!”

Another segment plays, this time of the two in the peanut gallery in the aftermath studio, already bickering about something while Ass and Courtney cover their ears from the row beneath them. Julia shoves Patrick off the benches and he falls into the audience with a shriek. 

“Another for Julia!”

Before the next clip can play, the sound of revving pulls everyone’s attention to the side of the studio. Caesar raises an eyebrow. “Um, what’s-”

Two massive ramps have been set up on either side of the room. McLovin is on the left, revving a motorcycle. He’s dressed in a white suit with a matching helmet. Caesar’s jaw drops. 

“See? Surprise!” Joner says. 

“If I die, everyone has to donate double!” McLovin shouts, flipping his visor down. 

“Wait- WAIT!” Caesar shouts. But it’s too late. 

McLovin speeds off, climbing one of the ramps at a speed faster than the cameras can capture and flying through the air. 

It lasts all of two seconds before he smacks into a ceiling tile and falls dead-center in the stage. Drywall showers on him like rain made out of asbestos and chunks of roof. 

Caesar stares. The audience falls silent. 

He turns to the counter on the monitor. The numbers are still for a moment- and then shoot up. The host sighs with relief, and the audience cheers. 

Sha-Mod and Joner rush over and help McLovin out of the rubble while he grins.

“Awesome,” he says. A tooth falls out of his mouth. 

Caesar wipes the sweat off his forehead and sits back on the couch. The lights overhead flicker and some more drywall dust falls from the ceiling. He swipes it off his shoulder. 

“Why so tense? You’re not the one going on a date with some happy-go-lucky rando!” Noco snaps. Caesar ignores him. “Ohhh, I see. Now this I can get behind.”

Noco stands, grinning. “Feeling miserable? Helpless? I’m your guy! For a donation of $1000, I’ll psychologically torture the cast member of your choice! Cough, cough- CAESAR!”

The phones begin ringing again, and the tally counter soars. Noco grins maliciously. 

“Now, I’m no theracologist or whatever,” he says, gesturing towards O, who glares. “But if I had to guess, I’d say Bonnie being stuck in that terrible place all by themselves is really bothering you, right? Knowing that they’re all alone? Even worse- that they’re being singled out and picked on because of your relationship?”

Caesar shifts uncomfortably. “I don’t know what you’re-”

“Don’t play dumb!” Noco scoffs. “This whole control freak thing is just you making up for how helpless you feel. You’re positively miserable! This is great!”

He claps his hands quickly and squeals. Caesar glares at him. The tally counter rises, and rises, until a loud siren blares. 

“And with that, it looks like we’ve reached our goal,” the host announces. “Time to see who bid the highest for a beautiful, romantic, sweet, and ENDEARING evening with Noco!”

Noco’s smile drops and he goes pale again. “There’s… no way anyone actually-”

“At a bidding price of $60,000, Noco will be going on a date with… Becky from Vancouver!” Caesar reads off the monitor, a smile creeping back on his face. “Let’s get Becky on call!”

The screen crackles to life and focuses on the image of a pretty girl in a pink outfit with a blonde ponytail. She squeals, clutching a unicorn plush in her lap. “OMG! I won! My Daddy is like, never going to forgive me for maxxing his credit card, but it’s worth it!” she screeches. Noco looks sick. “Ohmigosh, Noco looks JUST like my favorite Twilight character, I can’t wait! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Caesar grins widely as Noco scampers away, a few security guards close behind him. 

“That’s enough of that,” the host says. “And it looks like we’ve hit our quota just in time, too! That’s all for today, folks- catch Total Takes: World Tour on your nearest TV soon! Good night, everyone!”