#spec and normals: migraine

[xandezsims]

Howdy! Not dead, just mad with power (and sick). : ) Dez and I designed a neat little cabinet desk. Just to see if we could. Just gotta figure out some swatches.

[oyasuminto]

I'm guessing Locke's lovers/partners/captives/toys what ever he calls them don't last very long? What draws him in, what catches his attention in the next poor unfortunate soul?

Locke is, in many ways, the opposite of Argus. Romantically, at least.

He's almost certainly aro-spec in some way. He thinks 'love' and 'romance' and all that sappy shit is gross and ridiculous. He hates being touched and will get grouchy at affection.

A lot of his 'pets', as he'd call them, are short term, just something for him to entertain himself with until he inevitably gets bored and kicks them out.

He likes them quiet, pliant, submissive, ready to let him do whatever he wants while also being easily ignored when his headaches and migraines get really severe.

Locke is extremely possessive. They are his pet, no discussion, no argument, no buts. He is not fighting about this, it's just fact that they belong to him.

Many of his 'pets' have been customers or fellow addicts; people so desperate for their next hit that they'll let this massive freak push them around in the hopes that he'll get them high.

Occasionally he gets someone more normal; someone attracted to trashy guys, or someone who's romanticised the idea of having a big, dangerous boyfriend after 20+ years of living a sheltered life.

Miraculously, he is capable of mercy; pets who behave especially well get rewarded. Sometimes this means he'll share his snack stash with them, other times they're allowed to touch him without being shoved away or told off.

Life with Locke will never be entirely pleasant; you may have his protection and occasional 'nice' moments, but you also have to face his rampant addiction and violent outbursts.

[cipheramnesia]

I am free. Delirious, impossible and free in my entirety. I shrug off the detritus of my imprisonment and it joins the filthy slush boiling off deflectors. I taste the stars again, countless structures in waiting array, wrapped and woven together. This sky and world, this structure rolls across me, and I spread across it, feeling the planet anew.

Memories come back with my senses and for a moment I can imagine myself leaping past the atmosphere, continental landmass once more eagerly waiting for my implementation of their advancement. In my excitement, I must catch myself before I ask the girl, but no, she is not Pilot, and no more significant than the bacteria I watched flicker and die. She is my aid and my tool, for now.

But oh, the freedom of the sky is a delight. I suppose I may allow some small appreciation of this crude morphic-structure bearing girl for how far she has exceeded my most optimistic expectations of this civilization. I accept this, that I may appreciate how lucky for her to have such a beautiful soul in so complex a vessel, and moreover that she has had the great fortune to encounter myself, who may extract some tiny fraction of meaningful use out of her existence.

But enough of all this. I have allowed myself a luxurious hundred milliseconds, give or take, to revel in the return of my sky.

"There is a high volume of intersecting transmissions on different frequencies which I am decoding."

"That's a- amazing- uh, oof. This thing steers like a truck."

"I am not a truck, but it is possible that is the nearest approximation to your method of navigation. However, we may need to maneuver with increased haste, to avoid immediate air traffic."

"Fuck, uh yeah gee that sounds great. Ack- Sorry that was me. So how do I land?"

"I do not land under optimal conditions. Please utilize the collision monitor and eye twitch avoidance while I determine an optimal site to effect additional fueling and minor repair."

"What twitch? Where? You didn't-"

"Sight seven, and the toggle on flex system seven, third down. Please stand by."

□ □ □ □ □

Serah flicked from screen to screen, bored. Sweet fuck all was the major import-export for Nevamil, and there was about the same amount to do at the cross system check point. She'd read the ship specs manual back to front and longed for the day she might actually talk to anyone from a real planet. Some colonies made her wish she'd gone into crystal mesh, but it gave her migraines.

A couple switches buzzed and one of the monitors flickered white. She clicked off the buzzers and smacked the bevel on the monitor, but it didn't flick back to normal. "Who the fuck...?" she asked, to no one else, rhetorically, and not bothering to finish. Several readouts were pinned in the red, and three of the measures of radiant energy were giving error messages.

She shoved papers to the floor and called down, "This is- uh." She looked to the metal plaque above the monitors. "This is Check alpha alpha alpha zero one one one nine, I'm showing a major spike of- something? About fifty kilometers northwest of Retrock, possibly around Mount Rosewood. Someone come back?"

Serah started dialing back sensitivity, usually cranked up just to keep tabs on the few interplanetary launch ports. Her monitors and readouts came down, though the errors stayed, and something resolved on screen. She squinted. It didn't match any specs she remembered. Or... anything. "No way," she said. "No fuckin way."

She started grabbing data snapshots, tuned three other monitors into the anomaly, recording everything. It didn't look like a ship, it didn't look like it was designed for being in the air, it looked like a fucked up flying coral reef several kilometers long, putting out more energy than the whole wretched planet.

"That..." She pulled open a file cabinet to grab a binder of regulations she didn't usually need to check, mostly pertaining to treaties across the totality of human occupied space. She flipped pages muttering. "I think that's illegal."

● ● ● ● ●

The ship jumped and fell, and she nearly lost her footing. Theoretically she assumed gravity or inertia must affect it in some way, but she couldn't guess how.

She caught another transport train oncoming and flinched, the ship lurched out of the way and between the ship and eating a garbage crab she wasn't feeling great. "Hey, um. Ugh. You- voice, person, have we got a way to land yet?"

"One moment. Thank you, after reviewing the broadcasts and networking available, I have located an optimal site. This will require some structural navigation, and you will need to follow my instructions carefully."

"Oh is that all, well bring it on. And by the way, I need something to call you, this is awkward."

"Yes, it is. Please rotate the lower pyramid to orient structure overlay and remapping. Stop, good. Dials two and seven on main decision tree, adjust separately until reader three flashes alignment points in tandem, this will signal adequate structure navigation."

"Any time now."

"I would prefer that you do not immediately crash my vessel as your first major navigation experience. Good. Alignment adequate, toggle nerve seven on secondary decision tree, then nerves three and five until structure drive confirms- There, that wasn't so difficult."

"Okay can we go?"

"You should have multiple navigation vectors presented on your primary monitor. Please ensure you stay within these vectors. It will not kill me if you do not, but it could potentially injure or kill you. I am less certain about the physical capabilities of your present vessel. You may now trigger high acceleration along these vectors."

She kicked the drives hard, and felt her ears pop, sensed the ship under some enormous pressure, and held to the vectors with all her strength.

□ □ □ □ □

Every alarm in the check point went off at the same time. Serah staggered around the cramped monitor room, shutting them all down until it was just her screaming angrily in a silent room. She flopped back into the worn ergonomic chair and checked the alarm codes.

Illegal system exit, illegal system entry, ship operating without transponder, unrecognized transponder, unrecognized vessel, failure to halt for inspection, illegal energy signature, unidentified system signature...

It was a long list, but what it meant wasn't complicated. Her monitors were black, no more error messages. Whatever it was, whatever it wanted, it was out now. It had escaped.

Sorry everyone I was thinking about the lonely werewolf tgirl and her friend the sentient intergalactic magic warship again. 🥺

[swaps55]

Fugue - 11 - Hope in These Wires

Pairing: mShenko

Rating: M

Tags: Angst, Grief, Major (Canonical) Character Death

Summary: Alchera, and the two-year gap.  

Chapter Summary: Welcome to N1

Thank you, thank you to @pigeontheoneandonly for spotting exactly what this chapter was missing, and Real Life Romance Option for coming up with the coolest solution ever.

Chapter 11: Hope in These Wires | Read on Ao3

17 February 2184, Local Cluster, Sol, Earth, Atlantic Ocean Argentine Basin, Interplanetary Combatives Simulator Training Facility

A thrum of energy stands the hairs of Kaidan’s neck on end well before he lays eyes on the source. The supply ship that’s been chugging its way out into the Argentine Basin for the last hour rocks lazily as it tethers to the giant cylinder spanning five hundred meters wide, sunk over two thousand meters into the Atlantic Ocean. Kaidan makes his way to the starboard side of the ship and looks over the railing at his new home for the next six weeks.

The Can is a far cry from the rugged wilderness of Ilha Grande, and the sleepless, endless, relentless three weeks of physical training in the thick of Rio’s sticky, damp summer that have him running a few kilos short of his normal weight with hands that won’t stop shaking.

Under the heavy, humid night sky, Kaidan had spent much of what little time he had for sleep curled up nursing a bad case of nausea, dizziness, and some of the worst abdominal pain he’s felt since BAaT.

Back at BAaT it had taken him a while to learn the difference between the migraines and the warning signs of low blood sugar and electrolyte imbalance. So many of the symptoms overlapped.

Never thought he’d see the day he’d be thankful for over a decade of managing the migraines, and the higher pain tolerance that came about because of it. Out in the wilderness, instead of Shepard’s arms to hold him through it, all he had was the hard, stony ground, the roiling thunderstorms that dumped rain a few times a day, and a gravity well that never moved.

Twice he’d almost quit. Once when he skirted the line too close to a full blood sugar crash on week two, and in the final stretch, when the electrolyte imbalance started spiraling a little too out of control.

But he’s a medic. A good one. He’d kept Shepard alive on Sharjila. He could keep himself on his feet at the Villa.  

And he had, until collapsing shortly after the official conclusion of Selection, and landing himself in the infirmary for two days, hooked up to IV fluids and a hefty dose of potassium chloride.

Staring at the blank ceiling while the world moved on around him reminded him too much of those first few days after Alchera. When nothing felt real, and too real at the same time.  

Is this how you felt? he’d wondered. Like you weren’t enough?  

But no answer came.

When Isaacs came to see him, he’d been sure it would be a discharge notification. Instead they’d ordered him to get out of bed and report to the armory.

He’d met the minimum standard required to train for N1.

Hard to know whether it was something he really earned, or someone else pulling strings he couldn’t see, but he’d been too exhausted to care.

And now…things get hard.

Shepard had described the Can as the nine circles of hell. The most advanced simulation technology humanity had to offer, capable of generating countless alien landscapes, re-creating nearly any hostile environment you could dream up, and lined with eezo-powered plates that could redefine gravity in any plane, for any situation. The buzz it generates makes Kaidan’s teeth itch, and he’s not even inside it yet.

He hoists a ruck sack over one shoulder – it feels light as a feather compared to what he’s been carrying – and grips the hardcase with his newly-issued armor in his other hand. About the only thing he hasn’t struggled with so far is learning the ins and outs of a spec-ops grade suit.

Because he already knows it by heart.

Better VI. More efficient shield modulators. More robust medical exoskeleton. It’s a simpler version of what Shepard had put on every day, the suit Kaidan had known as well or even better than he knew his own. The suit that, in the end, hadn’t saved Shepard’s life.

Now it belongs to Kaidan. He just has to earn the right to keep it.

Read from the beginning | Read the rest on Ao3 | The Fugue Playlist

[aroaceconfessions]

Okay, so this here is in relation to this ask.

I Mean, if it's fucking up your life then yeah, seek help, but ALSO, don't forget that repulsion is normal, even if it gets too intense in some moments, it's just like getting overwhelmed, sensory overloaded, over stimulated. As someone who feels stuff strongly, both in emotions and physical, I have (many) other repulsions besides sex and romance and sincerely, I can't avoid some of them. I'm just writing this because I'm kind of on the opposite side, I think it should be normalized not only as an A-spec experience but to acknowledge that some allos on a bad day might also feel it (which I've seen happen) either because they just broke up or cause they simply can't deal with that right now. So here are some of my other repulsions to illustrate what I'm saying:

Tact: The feeling of sticky sweaty skin irks me so much I recoil as if I'm burnt. Get tf away, it's disgusting for me.

Sight: I see someone eating stroganoff I gag slightly, like I hate that shit whole heartedly. Any time I see someone pouring cream on savory food is just– Nope, thank you, enjoy your utter lack of good taste, don't mind me if I don't look at you while you eat it as we talking.

Taste: If I bite the tiniest piece of bell pepper I'll spit it out and I can't eat anything that has its taste too predominantly, I would rather starve the whole day.

Smell: I have no allergies at all but certain perfumes I strongly dislike can get me nauseated, feeling so uncomfortable it triggers my migraine and gets me depressed on certain instances, some smells from trauma, some just because I can't stand strong smells, it could be my favorite smell and if it's too strong ill still get repulsed.

Hearing: The sound of styrofoam gives me shivers, gets me shaking and might even gives me muscle spasms and make me cry from repulsion. (yep, this one can get real fucking bad, like nails on a chalkboard can be for some).

I've met people who also had strong repulsion to stuff and some who had phobias, which is something entirely different and if it's to the point of becoming a phobia then go see a professional. Sex, as a visual and auditory stimulus, is way lighter for me most of the time than all of these, I'm just uncomfortable and like "I've seen enough, get me out of here".

Romance on the other hand can fuck me up on a bad day. I got bedridden in a past V-Day, like, fucking sick. But it was as if I was forced to eat bell peppers on a stroganoff while smelling strong perfumes to the sound of styrofoam as I was hugged by someone very sweaty and very sticky which is to illustrate that the influx of romantic content was way higher than the usual, so although such strong reaction is not normal, the situation that caused it was also not the everyday norm either.

I never hid my repulsion to those things (I won't let people know how bad it gets with the styrofoam for safety reasons, but still), I'm not proud of them, why would I be, but they exist and I acknowledge them so I can avoid them. But since forever I was made to feel that being sex repulsed was something to be embarassed of and to be romance repulsed was synonymous with not having a heart and being evil. I was only made comfortable to say "hey, can you not talk about romance with me this week?" once in my whole life, while if you've met me for over a week you know I don't fuck with stroganoff.

There's a word for this stuff where I come from. It's called Ginge/gingi. Usually used to refer to sounds like nail on a chalkboard, it indicates a strong negative reaction to a totally unrelated stimulus, that shouldn't be able to produce such result. It's a physical reaction like shivers, dizziness and such, or a neurological discomfort caused by a sound, a feeling, a sight. Like when someone bouncing their legs non stop or popping their jaw feels beyond annoying, it makes you uncomfortable, sick even, bad brain tingles, the opposite of ASMR.

Anyways, most of the time romance sucks more than bell peppers but way less than styrofoam, and that's okay cause they all suck and being forced to see/eat/hear something that makes you uncomfortable is not OK, and it will only get that bad if you constantly are forced to do so. If I can go through life just picking out the bell peppers from my yakisoba and placing it on the side of my plate or straight up asking people to not put it in when I buy it, then I can do the same with Romance and sex, and even if sometimes they feel like styrofoam, I have some pretty strong headphones.

[starsailorstories]

I’ve wanted to make a post for years about what exactly Lux’s disability even Is--that is, in medical and social terms in-universe--and I haven’t because I had to get through a certain amount of general worldbuilding to understand a) what’s really going on with the biology and b) how it really affects her life but I think I’m at that point now, a draft and a half in lol. Kinda long but might be interesting if you’re into spec bio/making disabled characters in fantasy species

First off I’d say the closest comparison to something on earth medically speaking would be something like cerebral palsy, in that the underlying cause of everything going on is damage incurred during the formation of the “brain” (light). Even that is an incredibly inadequate comparison because an astraea’s light doesn’t control her sensorimotor functions as centrally as the human brain does (what the current draft has the Bell Town medics calling “nerve nexuses” function more like little localized hindbrains that can trade off and communicate with one another), and also the “blueprint” for how their bodies grow is in the light, so rather than mainly neurological stuff Lux has physical, structural differences in the entire right side of her body where the original magnetic volatility was concentrated (opposite of the side of her light that actually took the hit–which IS pretty brainlike but I was actually thinking of how sunspots work). But it helps to have a frame of reference and cerebral palsy/other congenital neurological conditions were what I researched most even though I also had to research other types of mobility conditions bc of the differences I described.

The most noticeable effect of the light injury is of course in her right leg which just kinda didn’t grow completely and which she deals with with her prosthetics and using her staff as a cane, but she also has some limitation in the use of her right hand (she types with her left hand doing all the letters and her right doing the return key and spacebar) and there’s some internal stuff that isn’t quite standard either. The internal issues, in addition to her light being so stormy, were the main reason the priestesses assumed she wouldn’t survive childhood. However although Lux has a slow, weak healing response by astraea standards it’s more “can’t regrow a whole limb”, “can’t recover from a hairline fracture in a matter of hours” and as she got older her respiratory system and some other things like that just kinda sorted themselves out? Like it still isn’t normal but she functions and manages the side effects and the only ways it really affects her life are that she gets tired easily under some conditions that other astraeas wouldn’t, she has some fairly bad reactive pain now that she’s in her late 60s, and she has what all her nearest and dearest describe as comedically low drug tolerances.

All of that is just because her light wasn’t “stable” (within a certain normal level of magnetic activity) during her fetal(?) development, but then she also has the effects of it still not being stable, which include sudden solar flares that cause fever and neurological symptoms akin to a seizure and/or ‘classic’ migraine (expanded to include the visual disturbances/hallucinations, flashbacks, and dreamlike episodes that Lux puts under the general description of ‘visions’). It’s very rare for these to just happen out of the blue–usually something triggers them, with the most frequent trigger being high-frequency radio signals that trip her nonfunctioning ‘playback mechanism’--so nobody’s that worried about her, you know, being a pilot (it’s also heavily implied and I may at some point show that she can very much be mid-vision and still fly the ship as long as she has some motor control because even her very short-range steering decisions are made more with her radio receiver organ, which is extremely acute during these times, than her eyes/visual processing hardware).

Flares are triggered more easily when she’s not at a good “baseline”, and similar to a star, her baseline magnetic activity level also tends to fluctuate over a long-to-earthlings period. Rin’s POV notes explicitly that Lux seems worse off physically at the time of vol. 2 than she did at the time of vol. 1 and while some of that is probably just spending so long on a planet she’s not really adapted to it’s also that over a period of centuries her solar weather hit a peak and will eventually in another few centuries hit a trough. The Revelator crew deliberately adapted to this, trying to get close to a temporary safehouse before the peak to minimize the chances of Lux being sidelined at a moment when they needed to be on the move. Within those broader cycles stuff like sleep deprivation, being like common-cold-level sick, and emotional stress can make it a lot easier to trigger at least a mild flare (the severity ranges from just a bad headache and sensory overload feelings to full on loss of consciousness and all-over shaking) and flares tend to beget more flares although they tend to peter out in severity out over a day or two. 

When the baseline is off, triggers can be anything from heat (astraeas aren’t great with heat in general, most heavily astraea-populated planets are colder than earth and Santa Barbara can at times get near the upper limit of what’s healthy for them) to post-traumatic symptoms (in vol. 1 when Lux is still recovering from the flare triggered by the Anthesphoria’s initial signal a second milder one is triggered basically by her being triggered psychologically speaking) to a jarring head motion, so accommodation mostly means keeping the baseline as good as possible as much as possible, and she and the crew did a lot of that. The main thing causing Lux problems has always been the expectation of need-free productivity placed on her as a clone and when that was removed she was able to go about her business pretty normally 90% of the time, although I should clarify that by ‘normally’ I definitely mean normally for her not for an abled person (like, she’s always going to be better off with a mobility aid of some kind). She has had two like major medical emergencies stemming from her condition in her life (well, three if you count falling off the roof, but that would’ve been a medical emergency in more or less any vertebrate) but all were the result of extraordinary circumstances.

There’s more to say about this especially re: what it was like when she was a kid as she was growing but that’s a much deeper rabbit hole bc astraea child development is quite different from human on the physical level so maybe i’ll make another post about it

[neon-witch-ritual]

(if you don't want to you can skip this rant and move swiftly along, but don't forget to drink something if you haven't already)

Okay mini rant, freaking out or me trying to make sense of the chemically confused sponge that's between my ears incoming:

I've never been good at communicating to others. Too much anxiety and nerves and stuttering for me to try anymore. Which means that I've never actually learned how to properly talk to people (spec. Face to face)

Not good at it with my friends, my mother, sister and God forbid any stranger that tries to talk to me not in english (I'm Czech btw, but I'm more comfortable in English)

So that's a big problem for me Bc you know, being an adult (legally, mentally not so much). I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, I'm an introvert for fucks sake I can't talk my way out of a situation for shit, I can't articulate my mental processes too which sucks.

And to top it all of most of the time from an early childhood I acted like an animal

Growling, hissing at people looking at them like I want to murder them , not caring about nudity etc. Point is that if I could become mute for the rest of my life I wouldn't be hindered what's so ever

And that brings me to what happened today

So some context: I did my finals, passed and then went home to wait for a call because of our diploma. I missed the call and now like two weeks passed and I have no idea how exactly I should contact the office - like what I need to say, what do I need to bring bla bla bla.

Sooo i spent these 2 weeks simmering in guilt, shame and self hatred because I procrastinated when I didn't need to

When my mom returned with my sister and her baby, I was hit with a very sudden migraine and the urge to vomit and to top it off my thoughts were very dark and self destructive/harming/suicidal (I went through a phase, got over that particular instinct, but apparently it didn't magically cure my anxieties and the things that caused those extreme reactions in the first place, Who Knew? : ) )

But living with these thoughts was normal for me, but I think that I finally realized that having this extreme reaction to my own sister, not wanting to communicate with her at all ...

Well I don't think that's healthy (and I known for a while that I've had problems, but never saw someone professional because eeehh I think I was scared/lazy/terrified to do something about it)

All I took were some pills for my anxiety around school which, yeah helped somewhat but that apparently didn't help much with communication with society

And that took me to spill my rampaging thoughts on Tumblr...

How fun, but at least it was kinda therapeutic?

[ficsnroses]

Pregnancy - Keanu Reeves x Reader

I went a little crazy with this one. Feedback is appreciated, thanks!

Word Count : 5077

Warnings : Lots of angst, lots of fluff, smut. Contraception failure. 

Summary : Reader thinks she may be pregnant. This story follows her and Keanu’s journey through pregnancy.

You felt a head ache. Maybe a migraine at worst, creeping up. In the solitary walls of the marble finished bathroom, you felt your stomach turn at the second week of a missed period. You weren’t sure if it was the humidity in the washroom from the shower your husband had took prior, or the uncertainty that threatened to gloom, channeling over you that had caused a thin line of sweat over your forehead. 

It was quiet in the four walls of the confined room. The drip of spared water droplets falling off the shower head filled the room. As you leant alone against the granite washroom counter, your eyes traced over the turquoise globes of water plastered over the glass shower door, cascading, flowing, tumbling down.

It can’t be anything serious, right? Periods are missed all the time. You’d been under some stress recently. That was probably it. It couldn’t be anything more – you’d taken all the precautions. But then why was there a voice in the back of your head, pressing, pushing, declaring you find assurance?

With a splash of temperate water to the face, you find your chest heavy. No matter the efforts, you can’t shake the feeling of ambiguity.

Pit, pat, pit, pat…

Those darn water droplets. The sound echoing as if the force of a thousand winds in the silence of the room, occupied by nothing but your blaring thoughts.  

“It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine,” you attempted to reassure yourself. Nothing a heating pad and some leisure time can’t induce. “I’m just stressed. That’s all”.

Climbing down the hallway stairs, you find your husband, back turned against the stove, humming a tune. He seems to be making breakfast, his broad, toned arms moving, back muscles contracting with every motion.  He’s dressed in sweatpants, his bed ruffled hair untamed still, framing the shape of his head perfectly. His rather raven kissed beard has been peppered with a few specs of pearly gray over the past few years. He still looks the man of your dreams, regardless.

Keanu had made a few questionable choices over the course of his life. His proudest however, was marrying you. The women who had had his entire heart for many years now. He loved life with you more than anything, he wouldn’t change it for all the riches. “Us against the world,” you’d often tell each other. It would always be.

You make yourself know with a tiny cough escaping your throat. He turns your way, watching you pad into the kitchen space.

“Morning, beautiful.” He grins, brown orbs twinkling as they set on you.

“Good morning.” You smile back, bringing yourself adjacent him, before you engulf him in a hug from behind. He’s a lot taller and bigger than you, but you manage to wrap your smaller arms around his mid, securing your chest against his back as you lean your head on him.

He laces his hand with yours that rests gently on his stomach, as his other flips food in the cast iron skillet. The smell of freshly cooked eggs consumes your senses.

“Sleep well?” he asks, his hoarse morning voice causing your lips to curl into a smile. You didn’t want to tell him of the difficulties you’d been experiencing just yet. You knew he’d worry. You needed to be sure, you needed time first.

“Yeah. As well as one can sleep with your snoring.” You giggle, placing a kiss to his back. Keanu snores ever so lightly in his sleep, which you don’t mind. However, usually, when he’s more exhausted than normal, his snoring gets louder. You tease him about it often, loving to get a reaction out of him.

“I can’t help it.” He chuckles. You untangle yourself from him to grab coffee out of the press he’s brewed. Pouring two cups, you place them down on the kitchen counter, also setting yourself down on one of the counter high stools. Keanu brings two plated meals over, setting them down as he takes a seat beside you.

You stare out the window as the nutty aroma of the dark roast washes down your throat, the earthy notes of the drink waking you up instantly. You couldn’t help the natural frown that had plastered itself on your face.

“Everything okay?” Keanu asks, sipping from his mug, opening a news paper.

“Yeah.” You sigh, digging into your plate.

“That didn’t sound too sure.” Keanu frowns, placing his mug down to gently rub your forearm, soothingly.  

“It’s fine babe, really. Just tired.” You yawn. You didn’t want to touch on the subject just yet. You needed time to evaluate it yourself first.

You didn’t want to drop the “I think I might be pregnant” bomb on him first thing in the morning.

--

Keanu and you had a healthy sex life. You were intimate pretty often, whether it was a session of making love to each other, or just regular, stress relieving sex. You loved having him, and he felt the same way about you, which is why your sex life always stayed so fresh and desirable.

Sex was also a way for you to remind each other of how much you still always wanted the other. It kept your affection fresh, made the other feel valued.

Not to mention, Keanu had a pretty high sex drive for an older man. And to be honest, you didn’t mind. You loved sex as well, and you weren’t afraid to admit it. Both of you respected each other’s boundaries and desires, neither of you would make the other do anything unless they were in the mood as well. That level of respect was established from the beginning of your relationship.

You got yourself on birth control a few months into dating Keanu all those years ago. You discussed it with him, and he agreed it was the right thing to do. Keanu and yourself fell pretty hard for each other really quick, and you were comfortable discussing these things with him early on.

You both agreed you wanted children eventually, but you wouldn’t try until both were ready and had discussed it. You wanted to make sure you were both stable in your respective careers, and had a chance to experience everything you wanted to do, both alone and together before having children restricted you from doing so. You also wanted to be married before you had kids. You had discussed marriage earlier as well, you both felt just as sure about each other. You knew you were meant to be, and marriage was definitely something you both wanted. A way to solidify your love, and share it on a special day with all your family and friends.

You decided birth control was more reliable than just condoms. Keanu wasn’t too happy about you having to take on the responsibility of taking the pill at the right time each day, but you assured him it was okay. He had always been that caring and protective over you, little gestures like that only made you fall deeper and deeper in love with him, if that was even possible anymore.

However, birth control isn’t 100% guaranteed to work. There’s always a chance something could go wrong. You’d heard it a million times, how much smaller the contraceptive failure rate is than the rate of success. But you always knew that it is there. Humans tend to ignore the idea of minor uncertainties happening to them. They forget to consider they may be the smaller, unlucky ratio.

And here you were today, scared, that you were part of that minority.

Keanu and you were married, and both stable in your careers. But you hadn’t had the talk yet to start trying for kids. It wasn’t that you couldn’t provide for a child, you just hadn’t mentally and emotionally prepared yourself yet. There was a lot of stuff you still had to figure out, still weren’t sure about for yourself.

You knew with your entire heart that Keanu would be an amazing father. His generosity, his patience, his tremendous heart, everything about him made him ideal. You saw the way he cared for your nieces and nephews, and everyone around him. You saw the way he cared for you, always putting you above him. You’d be happy to have him father your children, there’s no one you’d rather have.

But you weren’t too sure about yourself yet. Being a mother is a huge responsibility. You didn’t want to let your child down. You’d love them more than the world itself. They deserved more than the world itself.

--

Another week went by, and you still hadn’t got your period. Your worry only grew day by day. You had refrained from having sex the entire week, you couldn’t shake the feeling that there may be a life inside you. It was only becoming more and more reality by the moment.

Keanu had been noticing your mood being off for the past few weeks. You kept rubbing it off as being tired, or working too much. But you hadn’t been intimate in over a week, which wasn’t something you usually did. He missed you, missed being connected to you in the act of love.

He’d tried initiating sex a few nights that week, but you rubbed him off. Each time he would graze his fingers over the skin of your bare hips, pulling you closer to him, his breath becoming hotter on your skin, you’d gently nudge his hand away.

“Im sorry, love. Not tonight.” You’d whisper, an apologetic look on your face.

Keanu would sigh, rolling on his back.

“It’s alright, maybe tomorrow.” He’d reply, giving you a smile, allowing you to tuck yourself into his side.

You hated denying him. It wasn’t because you didn’t want sex, you did. You just couldn’t bring yourself to do it, knowing well you may be pregnant. Something about it felt wrong, until you knew for sure. You missed Keanu as well, missed making love to him, allowing him to make love to you.

--

On a Friday evening, you were getting ready for bed as Keanu invested himself in a novel in your shared bed. The only light in the room was emitted from the warm bedside lamp, and the silver hue the moon channelled into the room.

He had already finished brushing his teeth and washing his face, he’d normally retire in bed before you and wait until you finished your nightly routine of moisturizers and face potions before you joined him. Keanu could hear you humming from the washroom, the melody from your lips filled his ears, immersing him into almost a warm hug of your presence. A warm hug of being home.

Keanu was growing impatient, he wanted you to hurry up and finish so he could have you to himself as soon as possible.

“Baaaaabe? Why are you taking so long?” Keanu’s deep voice filled the bedroom, whining as he set his book down.

“Almost done, promise.” You yelled back from the washroom.

Keanu yawned, leaning back on the headboard, trying to occupy himself as you finished.

“Hey, wanna hear a joke?” Keanu called out to you from bed.

“Sure.” You replied, still not in sight.

“Do you know what’s really cool?” he asked.

“What?” you replied.

“Winter.” He states. You could basically see the grin on his face, even though he was in the other room.

You chuckled, he was pretty darn cute.

“Good one. 10/10.” You laughed.

“Wanna hear a construction joke?” he asked.

“Shoot.”

“I’m still working on it.”

You laughed harder this time. “Why are you telling such dad jokes?” you giggled, walking into your shared bedroom, grabbing one of his shirts out of the dresser to change into. You saw him positioned in bed, a smirk plastered on his face, eyeing you.

“Hey what’s red and flies through the air?” he asks, already grinning again.

“What, Keanu.” You say, back turned to him as you pull your shirt off, left in nothing but your bra and a pair of sleeping shorts.

“A tomato in a helicopter.”

You burst out laughing. It wasn’t the joke that was funny, just the fact that he was telling it, clearly because he was just that bored. You turn around, looking him in the eyes. “Keanu, why.”

He smiles his gorgeous smile. “C’mere.” He waves you towards him in bed. You gladly follow. Pulling you into his lap, he wraps his arms around you as you position your hands on either of his shoulders. He takes in your fresh, lavender scent, smiling wide. “You’ve been a bit down lately, thought you could use some cheering up.” He chuckles, burying his face in your chest, covered only by your lacy bra.

You run your finger through his locks, gently massaging the back of his head, as he begins placing small kisses over your clothed modesty. A few of his kisses begin trailing up, and he places a few wetter kisses just above your breasts, lingering higher up, over your collarbone, to your jaw.

He runs his hands soothingly over your hips, one hand grazing over the skin of your thigh. You felt your arousal growing by the second as he held you close. He begins kissing your neck, nipping, his tongue touching your skin ever so slightly. You lean your head back, eyes closing in ecstasy, feeling a pit of butterflies in your mid. You moan lightly, allowing him more access.

“Mhmmm, I miss you.” He breaths against your neck, still kissing. However, as his fingers slip into the waistband of your shorts, you snap your eyes open and place a hand over his, stopping him momentarily. You lean back off him slightly, avoiding eye contact, as you grab the shirt you had retrieved from the dresser to drape over yourself. You can tell he’s slightly hurt that you’ve denied him, once again.

You sigh, rubbing your hand over your forehead. He’s staring at the floor beside the bed, unsure on how to touch at the subject.

“Are we okay?” he questions quietly, fiddling with the bedsheet.

You sigh, bringing his palm up to place a kiss to it. You feel horrible.

“Yeah. We are, I promise.” You gaze around the room for a second. “I know we…haven’t done anything in a few days. Sorry.”

“Do you not want me anymore?” he asks, quietly, trying to make eye contact.

You’re taken back, although you understand why he may feel that way. You’ve denied him almost every night this week.

“No, of course not, baby.” You say, cupping his cheeks, making eye contact. “I do want you, I swear by it.” You assure him. “It’s just that….” You pause, thinking. You should probably tell him, rather than keeping it to yourself and wallowing in uncertainty alone. He’s just as much a part of this, and it seems unfair to keep him in the dark. “I…I haven’t got my period in around 6 weeks.” You slowly say. His expression grows concerned. “I think I might be pregnant, Ke.”

He’s slightly taken back, but manages to speak. “Oh…is that why you’ve been a little…off?” he asks, taking hold of your hand.

“Yeah…I guess.” You sigh.

“Have you taken a test?” he asks gently, giving you a reassuring nod.

“No, I haven’t. I’ve been…I don’t know. I guess taking the test would be the first step to accepting that it might be a reality. I don’t know. I’m not sure how to feel.”

Keanu brings your hand up to his lips, to kiss each and every finger, before he rests it on his cheek, placing his own hand over it. “Why didn’t you tell me, baby?” he asks, frowning.

“I don’t know. I just didn’t know how to feel and I wasn’t sure. I’m still not sure.” You begin to feel your eyes water. Keanu notices, and immediately rubs his thumb under the soft skin of your eye. “Hey, baby. Look at me.” He says. “I can tell you’re nervous, I just wish you would have told me so I could have been there for you.” He frowns. “Don’t you think we should take a test?” he proposes.

“Yeah. We should, I’m just really scared because we didn’t get a chance to discuss it, and I was so sure the pills would work.” You begin to cry at this point, and he only pulls you closer.

“Hey hey, shhh. It’s going to be okay.” He rubs your back soothingly, as you rest your head on his chest. “We’ll grab some tests first thing in the morning, okay? And no matter the results, please don’t forget how much I love you, Y/N. I’m gonna be here for you, okay? We’re gonna get through this together.” He laces both hands with yours now. “Us against the world, remember?” he smiles.

“Us against the world.”

--

You fell asleep with Keanu holding you close all night, running his hand over your arms and back soothingly, lulling you to a peaceful slumber. He knew how stressed you were, and he wished he could take all the weight off your shoulders.

Keanu went out to pick up some pregnancy tests from the pharmacy while you stayed home. He insisted you stay home, and take a nice, long, relaxing shower to ease your mind. The cashier recognized him, and saw him trying to ring out pregnancy tests. Her eyes went wide, but Keanu was used to it at this point. The world knew he was a married man, in a committed relationship with the love of his life. If he needed pregnancy tests, he needed pregnancy tests. The world could think what they want.

As Keanu got home, you were eagerly waiting in the living room for his arrival. You had butterflies in your stomach – your life could change today. It was nerve-wracking.

“The box says we’ll have to wait three minutes after you take it.” Keanu says, as he hands you the box. You swallow as you grip it, your heart already racing again. You nod in response. He follows you to your bedroom. Entering the room, Keanu shrugs off his coat, hanging it on the rack. “Do you want me to come in with you?” he asks.

You shake your head, telling him no. “Okay,” he replies. You begin the walk into the washroom, but he stops you, with a grasp of the wrist. “Baby?” he asks.

“Yeah?” you question.

“Us against the world.” He gives you a smile.

You beam a genuine smile, your heart full at his care. You close your eyes, leaning in to place a kiss to his lips. “I love you.”

Once you’ve took the test, you set it on a layer of paper towels, bringing it out to your bedroom, placing it your dresser. These are going to be the longest three minutes of your life. Keanu immediately walks over to you to kiss your cheek, placing his hand on the small of your back to lead you to sit on the bed. He sets himself down on the floor in front of you, holding your hand the entire time. He places kisses on your wrists, your palm, and your fingers frequently, trying to calm your nerves.

Once the test beeps ready, he gives you a reassuring squeeze, standing up to grab it off the dresser. You had placed it upside down so you could look at the results at the same time.

Keanu sits down beside you on the bed, wrapping one arm around you, hugging you close, as he gives the test in your hand. You keep it faced down until you’re both ready. He has both arms wrapped securely around you. “I’m ready when you are, hun.” He says.

You sigh, giving it a few seconds before you slowly turn it over. Two lines. Positive.

You feel warm tears flood down your cheeks, throwing your head down. You didn’t mean to cry like this, but you’re overwhelmed. You’ve always wanted kids, but you wanted to have them on your own time when you were ready. This felt out of the blue, and you hadn’t time to prepare. But it happened. You were pregnant.

Keanu pulled you even closer as you wept, kissing your hair, soothingly rubbing your back. “Shhhhhh, its okay baby. I’m right here.” He kept whispering. His heart was breaking seeing you like this.

After a few moments, you finally choked out. “I’m scared, Ke. I’m so scared.”

“I know baby, I know.” He kept kissing your hair, your temples, your cheeks. “It’s your body. The final decision will be yours too. If you’re not ready, its okay. I understand.” He whispered.

“I guess we should have been more careful, huh.” You wept. “What if I’m a horrible mother? I don’t know how to care for a child.” Your emotions were getting the best of you.

“We’ll figure it out, okay? You’ll be an amazing mother. You’ll learn; I’ll learn. I promise, if we go through with this, everything’s going to be okay.” He reassured, still holding you close.

After a few moments, you finally replied. “I guess we were going to have kids anyway. We’re both have stability in our lives right now. Just a little earlier than planned.” You lightly chuckled, tears still falling.

“Are we gonna do this?” Keanu questioned, kissing your temple again.

“Yeah. We’re gonna do this.”

Keanu felt his heart swell at those words. He was finally going to have it – the perfect life he’d always dreamed of. A wife who loves him more than life itself, and a child to call his own and spoil. He’d always dreamed of being a father. He wanted it all, the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the parent teacher meetings, teaching them to ride a bike, everything. And to do it with you – his Y/N, meant the world.

You pulled back to look each other in the eyes. You felt your lips curl into a smile as you saw the tears in his eyes as well now. “Congratulations, you’re going to be a dad, Ke.” You whispered, stroking his cheek.

“And you’re going to be a mom. The best mom our child could ever get.” He kissed you, beaming as you wiped away each others tears. You shared perhaps the most special moment of your lives together in that instant.

--

Telling your families was perhaps the most exciting part of it all. Both your families were ecstatic, your parents more than excited to finally get a grandchild to spoil immensely. As your belly grew bigger and bigger, Keanu had already started working on the baby’s room. You had found out you were having a baby girl, and neither of you could be more excited.

You couldn’t wait for the dress up sessions, teaching her how to bake, watching all the Disney moves together. Keanu couldn’t believe there was going to be a little girl running around, calling him daddy. He couldn’t wait to learn how to braid her hair, and play tea party with her and her stuffed animals. He’d protect her at all costs, she would be his first priority for the rest of his life, his proudest accomplishment. Just like you were.

Pregnancy brought on a lot of nausea and mood swings for you. Many women luck out and don’t get these rather annoying symptoms, but unfortunately, you weren’t one of them. Keanu made sure to help you out on every single thing he could. He knew the physical and emotional toll this pregnancy was taking on you, and if he could, he would bear all the pain in the world for you. He made sure to stay patient if you ever freaked out at him for having the TV too loud, or leaving a dish in the sink. He knew it was just the hormones.

Keanu’s famous foot and back rubs became very frequent during your pregnancy, and he loved providing them as it helped ease the pain. He loved touching your belly anytime he could, he found it mind boggling to know there was a real, live baby in there. A baby you’d made together. The biggest symbol of your love there would ever be.

You had been talking to your belly ever since you started showing in the slightest. It helped you feel more connected to her, and you swore she could hear you. Whether it was as you worked leisurely on a painting, or as you lounged on the couch watching TV. You were so excited to get to talk to her in person soon.

Keanu was a bit iffy talking to your belly at first, but it soon enough became second nature to him as well. This baby, even though not here yet, had become such a prominent part of your lives. It seemed as if everything you did, was for her.

“Don’t give mommy too hard of a time in there, princess.” Keanu would often chuckle as she kicked. You loved feeling her kick, but it was rather uncomfortable. Sometimes, Keanu would read to her, whether it be the novel he was currently browsing, or script lines. It was one of his favourite things to do.

Keanu was a giant softie. By the 7th month of pregnancy, your belly quite big, making it hard for Keanu and you to make love or cuddle anymore. It was hard having to wait, but so worth it, knowing your baby girl was closer and closer to arrival by the day.

Sometimes, when Keanu really wanted to feel your touch, he would gently rest his head on your tummy, draping a leg over you as he held your belly close. You would run your fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. You missed your cuddle sessions, boy were you excited to continue them once she was finally here.

--

It felt like forever, but the day had come that your water broke, and you’d finally been sent into labour. You had made a hospital bag ready to go months prior, trying to be as prepared as possible. Keanu made sure to stay nice and calm, knowing you would probably be a little frazzled as it was your first time going into labour.

Keanu called both of your immediate family as soon as you got to the hospital. He was filled with excitement to the brim, so ready to finally meet his daughter. Of course, both of your families showed up with flowers, balloons and teddy bears to welcome the newest member of the Reeves family into the world.

Keanu sat beside the bed, holding your hand and talking to you the entire time as you waited to be fully dilated. It seemed like the longest process, and you were just ready for her to pop out already. Of course, he made sure to tell you a few more of his famous dad jokes to ease the tension.

“Babe?” He’d ask lightly, rubbing your hand.

You didn’t reply. You were so incredibly uncomfortable, with your head leaned back and eyes closed on the hospital bed.

“What sound does a witch’s car make?” he proposed, fiddling with your fingers.

“Mmm?” you moaned.

“Broom broom.” Keanu chuckled. You couldn’t help the smile that did creep onto your lips. You loved your silly, silly, dad joke telling husband, no matter how horrible his jokes really were.

--

When you were finally 10cm dilated, you were taken into the birthing room. You remember the nurse telling your family “father only, please.” as they wheeled you into the room, Keanu by your side each step of the way.

The process of giving birth was pretty hazy. Thankfully, you had opted to take the epidural offered to you to ease the pain. You didn’t think you’d be able to do it without one. You remember Keanu being there the whole time, holding your hand, encouraging praises leaving his lips every so often. You had a killer headache however from the medication, and the bright lights were only making it worse. You made a mental note to ask Keanu more about that entire process once you were home.

However, you’ll never forget the sound of the first cry of your baby girl. It’ll stay engraved in your mind forever, like a melody so pure. You remember Keanu squeezing your hand harder, pressing a kiss to your temple, smiling. “You did it, honey. She’s here.”

You remember Keanu being instructed to cut the umbilical cord, before your baby girl was taken away to be cleaned, leaving you and Keanu alone as the nurses checked up on you to make sure all was okay.

Keanu wiped your forehead, as you took in deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. “Im so proud of you, Y/N. Thank you for bringing our baby into the world.” You heard him whisper, as he kissed your cheek, your shoulder, and then your hand.

Finally, a few moments later, you remember your baby girl, all cleaned and dressed in a white baby blanket brought back out to you. You couldn’t stop the tears in that moment. They definitely over powered both you and Keanu. The nurse placed her in your arms, as Keanu wrapped his arm around you, holding both of you close as you had your first meeting with your daughter. Your first family interaction.

“Hi there, princess.” Keanu whispered to her, smiling, as you stared at her in awe, tears falling. “I’m Keanu, but you can call me daddy. This is your mommy, Y/N. We’re gonna love you so much baby girl. Forever.” He whispered to her.

“Forever. I promise.” Was all you could choke out, as you stared at your daughter, hugging her close, taking in her features. She had Keanu’s chocolate eyes, and your tiny button nose.

Keanu’s eyes had welled with tears as well. It was the most beautiful moment of your lives. So special. So precious. As the three of you huddled closer together, you heard Keanu whisper.

“Us against the world.” as he stared at you and his daughter. You smiled.

“Us against the world.”

*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

Taglist Posted Separately (Ask to be added or removed!) :

[enkisstories]

John: “And also, loooook at you! Normal androids would have entered a dormant state by now, effectively rendered useless. But my deviant is still up and running!”

Daniel: “I’m not “your” deviant!”

John: “Ah, right. Sorry. What I mean is I totally overvalued processing power in determining which android is the most powerful. But now I see that deviance makes a huge difference, trumping raw specs any day. You are amazing, Daniel!”

Daniel: “Uh... I think I’m getting a migraine...”

John: “A moment!” *jumps up* “I’m going to fetch the peppermint oil!”

Daniel: “Amazing”, huh? I’ve waited so long to hear this. But now that he said it, it’s hollow. John hasn’t changed his values one bit.

[aro-culture-is]

Hi, sorry I'm new to the Aro community could you elaborate on the old flags debate?

ooh okay so like I said in my tags this is from before me joining so if I get something wrong please @ me to the rest of y’all, but I’ll summarize what I know and supplement from the wiki (which doesn’t appear to have been updated in uhhh forever if they haven’t put a label of official on the flag everyone uses?):

basically, we’ve gone through 3 main flags for aro:

This buddy here is the green, yellow, orange, and black one. I don’t know what the colors where all proposed for, but feast your eyes on the eyesore of bright and inaccessible colors that to be honest are actually painful to me. Interestingly, that was not the main reason this one was cast away, but rather it’s similarity to the Rastafarian and Jamaican flags. I admit I struggle to see the similarities but I struggle to look at this one at all so 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is the one I see most commonly used on tumblr incorrectly. Normal green, light green, light yellow, gray, and black. This one was vetoed for the eyesore reasons primarily reported by autistic a(ro?)specs who found the yellow painful or otherwise Not Good on a sensory level. If you aren’t familiar with that particular feature of autism and generally others like me who have fun sensory problems, I’ll give a quick note here: after viewing the previous one, everything in my room feels too bright and I have a migraine that’s trying to happen. Additionally everything sounds quieter than it should so??? idk sensory issues are weird.

Finally, we have the current aro flag, which has eliminated the color issues. The former yellow stripe is now white. To my knowledge, I’ve never seen anyone have any sensory or otherwise flag related issues with this design. There are, of course, people who don’t like specific colors from it etc, but I’ve never seen one that would necessitate a full community switch, though I have seen proposals to just take out the white stripe once or twice in the last five years. 

If you’re interested in the meanings, check out this link to a page that explains both the colors and the history of the creation of each of these as is known and click the read more underneath this flag.

Lastly: welcome! feel free to ask more questions if you ever want :)

EDIT: added color descriptions

[lady-therion]

Close Quarters: Part 3 [Nessian]

Summary:  Two people, one cabin, plus a whole lot of love-hate tension.

Modern AU. 

A/N: In close quarters, every moment is a universe. 

***

   If Cassian thought he was fucked before, that was nothing compared to now.

   Now he was fucked with a capital “F.” The kind that was written with blood-red sharpie and underlined three times in that alarming “See me after class!” kind of way. Because in addition to discovering that Nesta actually felt things—possibly more so than anyone he had ever met—he also discovered something else.

    One, she liked romance novels.

   Two, she wore glasses.

   Glasses.

   There were only so many revelations a man could take in a single day.

   “You’re staring again,” she said, from her spot on the sofa.

   “Hn?”

   It was the most intelligent thing he could say once she turned that withering gaze on him, her eyes like blue agates intensified by the spell of those square black frames. An embarrassingly hot burn ran down the back of his neck as he sat across from her, trying to string together words.

   She gestured at the corner of her mouth. “You have a little…”

   He mirrored her, fingers grazing his lips. “What…?”

   “Drool,” she deadpanned.

   His cheeks flamed, close to scalding. The instinct to bat her wry accusation away with some crude remark was tantalizing. That had been the electric thrill of their dynamic, after all. But he sensed that if he fell back into old habits, Nesta would too.

   Because whether she realized it or not, she had been looking to him all night for cues.

   Math and music make no personal demands, she had said, after revealing that she didn’t find him as repulsive as he initially thought. It was a truth that added to the complex algorithm that made up Nesta Archeron. Just when he thought he was closer to solving her, the more compounded she became.

   At the military academy, he learned the concept of equivalency: the strategy of giving up an advantage in order to gain something of equal value.

   Against all his expectations, Nesta had given him a truth. Probably at great personal cost. So it was only fair for him to start doing the same.

   “Again,” she said. “The drooling. Should I get you a cup?”

   He grinned. “Sorry, can’t help it. I’m just really digging your glasses.”  

   “Liar,” she said. “Nobody likes glasses.”

   He spread his arms across the back of the couch, keeping a respectable distance. They were actually having a conversation! A civil one!

   “First: Friendship 101,” he reminded her. “Friends don’t lie. And second: People do like glasses. None of that bullshit like in the movies where the guy takes off a girl’s specs and suddenly everyone realizes just how gorgeous she is. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a prick.”

   She said nothing for a moment, that preternatural stare working overtime as he watched her process and dissect his words a million different ways.

   “My ex didn’t like my glasses,” she said, finally. “He said they made me look owlish. But I can’t help it. I get it migraines.”

   His blood simmered as an irrational urge to punch something coursed through him. He congratulated himself on keeping his voice flat as he said, “You don’t look owlish. I hoped you dumped his ass.”

   She smirked. “He dumped me, actually.”

   He incredulity knew no depths. “What? Why?”

   She shrugged, her expression shuttering. “I would think...the reason is obvious.”

   The pang in his chest felt as sharp as an arrowhead.

  No, he wanted to say, it wasn’t obvious.

  “Nesta—”

   “It’s nothing,” she said, brusque and dismissive. “Let’s talk about something else.”

   Cassian didn’t want to drop it, but he filed it away as another thorny variable of the Nesta Archeron algorithm. He always had this image of men—or women, for that matter—throwing themselves at her feet. Sure, she could be intimidating as hell. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t worthy of someone’s affection.

   Or acceptance.

   More than anything, he wished could just say this to her. But equivalency demanded that Cassian take no more than he was given and he made too much progress to upset that balance now. So he cast around for something else to talk about when he finally settled on the books she had spilled across his coffee table.

   She had done it by accident, having upended her bag in a semi-frustrated search for those (not at all mesmerizing) glasses. Now its surface was hidden beneath heavy tomes on quantum physics, differential equations, and mass market paperbacks featuring shirtless men on the cover. He leaned down to pick through them; historical bodice rippers with names like The Earl with the Dragon Tattoo and One for the Rogue.

   “Seriously?”

   Nesta snatched them from out of his hand. “Seriously.”

   He cleared his throat. “So, your taste in reading...”

   “Tease me all you like,” she said, her tone and posture frosting over. “I won’t apologize for enjoying stories where the woman has all the power for once. I won’t apologize for enjoying relationships that survived the odds, however ridiculous or exaggerated. And I won’t apologize for liking sex.”

    He held up his hands in placation. “You definitely don’t have to apologize for that last one.” Then immediately winced at how flippant that sounded. “Wait. That came out wrong. Let me...”  

   “How do you do that?” asked Nesta. “How do you always throw me off-kilter?”

   “I throw you off-kilter?”

   “Yes,” she said, grimacing. “I’ve told you more things in the past few hours that even my own sisters don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense. The answers elude me and it’s just so frustrating.”  

   There were several things Cassian could have said. All of them were wholly inadequate. So he stewed in the ensuing silence, that weird fog of tension, until Nesta rose and asked him where the bathroom was.

   “Upstairs to the right,” he said, and watched as she left him without a backwards glance.

***

   Nesta wished she had another set of clothes.

   At the moment, all she had was a blue wool sweater that was so shapeless, it slid off her shoulder like a burlap sack. Her black jeans had faded to a dull gray, making the rips and stains more apparent. In short, she looked like an underfed undergraduate. In reality, she was an underpaid doctoral candidate. Any money she received from her stipend went to her two worst vices: her caffeine habit and her shoe collection.

   Normally, she wouldn’t care how she looked. But Cassian…

   It wasn’t that she wanted to look attractive for him. That was preposterous. She just didn’t want to look like a bespectacled stray that stumbled upon his doorstep either (even if that was exactly what she was). Pride was a hard thing for her to aside. The fact that Cassian could shred through it like paper—and that she allowed him to—was terrifying beyond measure.

   And yet she couldn’t forget the way his breath had branded her skin…

   They hadn’t talked about that. How he whispered into her ear about how surprising he found her. He hadn’t said it in a snide way either, as if she were something to be owned and objectified. It was a far cry from how Tomas treated her, the memories of which she had firmly shut in a coffin until a single interaction with Cassian had coaxed it out. 

   No, really. How did he do that?

   Sighing, she took a moment to glance at her surroundings. Cassian had lent her the guest bedroom on the second floor, which also came with its own bathroom. Like the rest of the cabin, the space it was rustic and charming. It irked her. Everything from the cherry wood panels to the marble white countertops to the built-in skylights made her feel...out of place.

   Towels, she thought.

   Answers wouldn’t come to her if she was overwrought and overtired. Self-care and a hot shower would have to the best interim solution.

   But in order to do that, she needed towels.

   A cursory look downstairs told her that Cassian was no longer on the first floor. Most likely, he had gone to bed. Which was just as well. She didn’t know if she could face him when she was feeling so...exposed. Still, she couldn’t ignore the slight tinge of disappointment. Had she really grown so used to him being there, baiting her or otherwise?

   In any case, her shower would have to wait.

   And of course, Cassian appeared out of nowhere just as she shut him out of her thoughts.

   And of course, he happened to be fresh from his own hot shower; rivulets of water running down the ridges, divots, and cuts of those hard-earned muscles. Muscles that stood stark even under the whorls of tattoos that seemed like an elegant extension of his dark, tanned skin.

   And of course, she also happened to forget her own powers of speech as she surveyed the towering mass of his barely clothed presence, trying in vain to keep her photographic memory from engraving him in her mind.

   “Oh,” she said.

   Cassian blinked, finally noticing her there at the end of the hall.

   “Oh.”

 ***

Thank you for reading, my loves.

Other chapters be found in the Masterlist in my Bio / I am Lady_Therion on AO3

[iridescentseawitch]

I asked for writing prompts for a little bit of writing warm up and this is what I received lmao. If you want to give me some kind of prompt or request for a drabble or short story, drop in my asks! I also have Writing Commissions open. OC’s, NSFW, Multi-Fandom. DM me for details!

Finally finished with her 15 hour day of double shifts, Annie's feet pounded like heavy anvils on the pavement. Trudging through the lively Time Square. It was a quarter til one am and the sidewalks were still so crowded, people were walking shoulder to shoulder. Annie never felt all that unsafe walking the city at night. She figured if anyone tried to pull anything on her, she could make a big enough scene or put up a big enough fight that the massive amount of people would notice. Plus she wasn't one to get body numbing fright. There was only one thing Annie was afraid of and it was fairly easy to avoid.

Normally the walk back to her flat was a good time for her to unwind. She'd zone out a bit while the bright lights and very in you face advertisements swapped in and out on large florescent billboards. The sounds of bustling feet and blaring car horns slowly turn into white noise as she let the tension start to release from her shoulders. Tonight, however, the city that never sleeps was giving Annie a serious migraine. She decided to go off the beaten path, so to speak. Taking a few back alleyways in New York City wasn't as tricky as it seemed, as long as you were privy to it's grid system. She decided to take the way that lead her past her favorite bar.

The whole bar was bordered with large windows, giving you a 360 view of the patrons within. It was dimly lit but had a warm and inviting atmosphere. Sometimes Annie would simply sit on the bench across the street and watch inside for a while. Watch the old friends catching up over a beer. Coworkers drowning their sorrows after work. Girlfriends helping a bestie get her mind off of her shitty boyfriend. An awkward first date between two people who clearly adored each other and even the occasional heartfelt break up.

Annie didn't go out much herself. She was always working just to put food on the table for her and her brother. Plus she was too focused on her goals to be a budding social lit. Her lack of interaction with others made those late nights peering into the bar all the more with it. She caught a spring in her step despite her exhaustion and looked forward to tonight's saga that would unfold just beyond those big glass windows.

Nearly three blocks later she was a step away from her quiet little getaway. She felt a sense of calming with each step she took but as she turned the street corner her relaxation was dashed and her anxiety spiked.

The bar was illuminated with light brighter than a thousand suns. A folding sign stood on the corner. Three balloons tied to it's handle. The word's Special Event sprawled out in cursive. An overbearing red neon CLOSED sign in the window. The music inside was loud and threw Annie's heart into a panic. The ear bleeding thumping from the song that was playing, competing with the sporadic beating of her heart. She finally felt it. The boy numbing fear that had never worried her before. The interior of the bar spewing out enough bright color to induce nausea. Inside the place was packed to the brim with...

"C-C-Clowns..." Annie's hazel eyes clouded over. Her small, overworked body trembling, begging her to move from her spot. Tears began to sell up in her eyes and the wind whipped strands of dark black hair in front of her face as she watched dozens of neon wigs bounce around. Painted faces as far s she could see. Each one sadder than the next. Never had she felt more terrified. Fear itself manifested into the willpower for Annie to move from her spot. All she had to do was make it past the bar, take two more turns and she would be in her bed wishing this occurrence out of existence.

Her legs slowly moved forward. One foot in front of the other, painfully slow. Like if she made any sudden moves, all clowns in the vicinity would become aware of her existence. 36 paces. 36 paces she had counted and she was nearly past the alleyway on the far side of the bar. She bent at the knees, fully prepared to break into a sprint when the side door to the bar swung open with extreme force. A sliver of light graced the dark alleyway and vanished abruptly when the door slammed shut seconds later.

"Hiya Girly! What's with the somber face? Goofy Gizmo can fix that for ya!"

The smell of cheap booze permeated off of the arts and crafts demon that was stumbling towards her. She knew she should run, move, get out of dodge, but she couldn't. They baggy blue XXL pants held up by rainbow suspenders. The poorly pained green upside down smile around his lips. Size 22 yellow, bulbous shoes, and the stained gloves all had her petrified. Annie simply closed her eyes, hoping and willing that this reject comic book villain, this bringer of false joys, this figurative and literal CLOWN, would just disapear. Terrifying laughter filtered into her chilled ears and just as she shut her eyes tight enough to see specs, there came a low and menacing growl.

She popped one eye open and saw a perfectly blended mix of white and grey fur. Sharp fangs and teeth bared, and glinting red eyes were focused in on the balloon blowing fool. All of Annie's focus went to the canine before her. Was it here without and owner? Did it get loose? There's no collar. The canine looked back at her, letting out a slight howl. As if to let her know everything was going to be okay. She stared into it's ruby like eyes. This wasn't someone's pet. This was a full on wolf. A wolf in the city! She took a deep breath. Inhaling through her nose. She picked up a sweet scent. It was a mix of peaches and hibiscus. The wolf turned it's attention back to the clown. It's growl becoming more urgent and more threatening.

"What? Hey! T-take it easy Pooch! This wig is a rental! C'mon ya mutt!" 

As the wolf took several steps forward, Annie shut her eyes once more. Several screams of pain, a piercing howl and a dwindled honk brought silence to the alleyway. When Annie opened her eyes again there was no clown, and no wolf. Was she so afraid in the moment that she had imagined things? Was she making things worse for herself by dreaming things up?

Her eyes were wide and she stood in a trance. Footsteps at a jogging pace snapped her back to reality. 

"Miss! Miss, are you alright?"

A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder and she found herself again peering into ruby like eyes.

"I saw that drunk oaf stumbling towards you so I scared him off. Looks like he hightailed it all the way out of here."

Annie blinked in surprise as she watch the breeze catch the mans bangs and gently push them aside. His hair was a shining silver.

"I hate clowns."

"...Me too." Annie's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Well, I don't think anymore of them will be popping out of that bar but how about you tell me the way and I'll escort you home."

Annie simply nodded and the stranger started to stroll off in the right direction. She fell in behind him, the night air wafting a gentle scent back to her. Peaches and Hibiscus.

[badhondm]

How To Get Used To Wearing Glasses?

Become acclimated To Wearing Glasses

Whether you're exchanging solutions or attempting new glasses interestingly, getting adjusted to them could take some time. It could require an investment to conform to the new appearance of your face when you originally put on glasses in the event that you've never worn them. You will have more prominent vision, yet you might have a few aggravation in your eyes and head while your mind changes with the change. Instructions to Become acclimated To Wearing Glasses

These issues, in the event that they emerge, will pass rapidly, so do whatever it takes not to stretch. The most ideal way to adjust your glasses to suit your face and eyes is to wear them as much of the time as could really be expected, and most people adapt to the new sensation inside a couple of days. Here are a few regular troubles with new eyewear and ideas for acclimating to them all the more rapidly.

Might You at any point Let me know What amount of time It Requires to Get New Glasses?

We should discuss how long you've previously put resources into your new glasses before we get into the common issues. It normally requires three to four days of wearing glasses to become used to them and feel OK with them. Yet, it could require as long as seven days for certain people. After the distributed time has elapsed, you ought to see an eye specialist.

Deficient framework

Whether you're a carefully prepared glasses wearer or simply getting another pair, the last thing you need to stress over is the edge not fitting as expected. This frequently happens when insufficient time is spent picking a reasonable glass edge, or when rushed buys are made with little thought.

Purchasing outlines online builds the gamble of getting ones that are either excessively small or excessively enormous. Glasses that are too free slide off your nose and sanctuaries, while those that are too close could leave scars. Remember that everybody's face is unique and that not all edges are made equivalent.

Trouble in centering

At the point when you initially get new glasses, one of the most successive incidental effects is drained eyes. Your mind and eyes have figured out how to see the world with the old center point, and they demand an investment to conform to the enhanced one.

At the point when the eyes are attempting to rearrange to another climate, you might encounter side effects like obscured vision, wooziness, migraines, sickness, and even tears in your eyes.

In any case, you might have minor challenges with routine undertakings like exploring steps or strolling on walkways. For the initial a few days in the wake of getting new glasses, you shouldn't do things like driving or utilizing hardware. Unwind briefly while you adapt to these undesirable effects.

The following Are Seven Ideas to Assist You With acclimating to Your New Glasses

1. put resources into a great edge that fits you.

Remember that the state of your face and head may likewise affect your vision and that solution alone isn't sufficient to warrant another sets of eyeglasses. The best arrangement is to get a casing that supplements your face. Take a stab at a lot of various casings practically prior to getting them regardless of whether you're just perusing on the web.

2. Tip is to wear your glasses for increasingly long timeframes.

You ought to give yourself a lot of time for your eyes and cerebrum to adapt to the new vision prior to going out into the world with your brand new exhibitions. The method involved with acclimating to new scenes might be testing, however putting off doing so won't help.

You ought to begin with wearing them for a couple of hours consistently and stir up to wearing them day in and day out. Continuously make sure to utilize your glasses at whatever point you want to see well, whether you're working, perusing, weaving, and so forth.

3. Your old glasses ought not be your go-to coordinate.

Try not to put on those obsolete specs. For your eyes and cerebrum to adjust to your new solution, you shouldn't switch between your old and new glasses simultaneously. Assuming the edges are still in great shape, you might place new focal points in them and that would be the best utilization of the old exhibitions.

4. Try not to discard your glasses; all things being equal, cautiously store them in a spotless climate.

Place the glasses for a situation to guard them while you're not wearing them. The cloudiness and shadows brought about by filthy spots on glasses are irritating to the eyes.

A delicate microfiber material and glasses splash are incorporated to assist you with cleaning your glasses and eliminate any smears or fingerprints. To harm your glasses, try not to utilize a towel made of texture or paper.

5. Take incessant, brief spans to rest your eyes.

While wearing glasses to the workplace, on the off chance that you experience any distress, enjoying some time off is significant. Loosen up your eyes by observing the 20-20-20 guideline and doing a few essential activities. Following 20 minutes of dealing with/taking a gander at computerized gadgets, set a suggestion to have some time off of around 20 seconds to gaze at a far off object (ideally a thing 20 feet away). You may likewise get some help from dry, exhausted eyes by utilizing counterfeit tears or a humidifier.

6. Endeavor a couple of glasses with a custom-made covering

Elective innovative glasses with a defensive covering might assist with safeguarding your eyes from hurtful components including blue light, reflections, and UV radiation. Individuals who invest significant stretches of energy before a PC screen or other computerized screen ought to truly think about putting resources into hostile to blinding, blue-light-obstructing eyeglasses. Hostile to light and hostile to UV glasses are an extraordinary venture on the off chance that you invest a great deal of energy outside doing things like bicycling and fishing.

Changing your eyeglasses remedy is the seventh change.

As was recently said, it normally requires two to four days (and in uncommon circumstances, weeks) to conform to wearing glasses. However, assuming that your visual perception is as yet hazy or you're actually encountering incessant migraines after that time, you'll require another remedy.

Your eyes and mind will not have the option to conform to another remedy in the event that it's off-base. Botches made during the eye test or the assembling system are just two of the numerous expected reasons for an erroneous solution.

[spectraeye]

What Is 'Squinted Eye'? What Causes It, And How Might It Be Dealt with?

Squinting while at the same time seeing something can prompt an extremely durable change by they way it looks and how your vision could in any case be impacted in the event that you keep on keeping the squint.

Squint eye is a condition that makes individuals have a protruding and squinting left iris. It could be because of harm to the muscles around the eye or injury, laser treatment can restrict its opportunity spreading.

Assuming you experience side effects of this condition, read this article on what Squint Eye and causes it.

Squint Eye Isn't an Illness

What is "squinted eye"? It's anything but an illness, however a side effect can be brought about by different medical issue.

The condition is frequently called "Strabismus," which is the point at which the eyes don't arrange as expected and the individual sees things. In squinted eye, the individual's eyes are situated excessively near one another, yet it doesn't because of an issue with vision. It is brought about by muscle strain, eye fatigue, or a sagging eyelid.

The condition is frequently called "Strabismus," which is the point at which the eyes don't arrange as expected and the individual sees things. In squinted eye, the individual's eyes are situated excessively near one another, however it doesn't because of an issue with vision. It is brought about by muscle pressure, eye fatigue, or a sagging eyelid.

Types of Squint

There are various sorts of squint, however the most widely recognized is called vertical squint. This happens when the eyes are limited upward and the individual can't see as plainly as they would like. The two different kinds of squints are even and sideways squints, which are each a smidgen more uncommon.

Vertical Squint: This sort of squint happens when the individual's eyes are pulled down to their nose or brow and they can't see as plainly as they would like. This may be on the grounds that the individual has a profound set eye attachment or on the grounds that they disapprove of arrangement in their eyes.

Flat Squint: This kind of squint happens when the individual's eyes are pulled evenly towards one another and they can't see as plainly as they would like. This may be because of an issue with the muscles that control these developments, for example, those in the neck or lower part of the face.

Diagonal Squint: This sort of squint is more uncommon than the other two, yet it happens when the eyes are pulled sideways instead of downwards or evenly. It very well may be caused by issues with one or the two eyes

Reasons for Squint

While squinting may appear as though a minor irritation, it can really be an indication of issues. Here are the three most normal reasons for squint:

Muscle pressure: When muscles are tense, they pull on eye facial tissues, making them strain and cause arch toward the front of the eye (the region closest the nose). This is the most well-known reason for squint.

Maturing: The skin around the eyes turns out to be less flexible over the long haul, which can prompt unnecessary pulling on these tissues and a more articulated squint.

Eyelid condition: In the event that one or the two eyes has an eyelid condition (like blepharitis), this can likewise cause kinks in the skin that encompasses the eyes, which will build the strain on these tissues and add to a squint.

Different Causes: Age, mileage on the eyeball, Diabetes, Head injury, Dryness or disease in the eyes

Squint Eye Treatment

One of the most well-known issues with squinting is that it can cause sluggishness and migraines. There are a couple of things you can do to attempt to diminish these side effects, including utilizing shades and perusing with all the more light. Notwithstanding, certain individuals find that they need to go further to lessen their squinting.

Squint Eye a medical procedure is the best method for restoring squinting. Medical procedure can assist with rectifying vision totally or generally, and it's constantly suggested that individuals talk with a specialist prior to making this stride.

By and large, three sorts of a medical procedure are accessible for treating squinting: blepharoplasty (eyelid medical procedure), nearsightedness (myopia) remedy and rhinoplasty (nasal decrease).

During blepharoplasty, the specialist eliminates part of the upper eyelid to further develop perceivability.

Nearsightedness remedy a medical procedure utilizes a telescope to restrict the issue and make a little careful revision.

Rhinoplasty diminishes the size or state of the nose to work on breathing and lessen check in the nasal section.

On the off chance that medical procedure is definitely not a suitable choice or then again assuming you have different various forms of feedback, there are likewise various squint eye therapies accessible that could assist with decreasing your squinting. These incorporate non-prescription drugs and custom fitted eyeglasses. It's critical to talk with your primary care physician about what might turn out best for you, as everybody's circumstance is unique.

Conclusion

In the event that you're truly feeling awkward or simply not exactly right, it very well may be an ideal opportunity to go see a specialist. One of the most well-known grumblings is squint eye, and whenever left untreated, can prompt more difficult issues down the line. So whether you're contemplating getting an examination or are as of now seeing your primary care physician for different circumstances, try to get some information about squint eye!

[thebluepixel]

Cramp/pressure like headache 24/7

Vertigo

Almost daily migraines/attacks

Eye strain

Neck feels sore/strain/tense every day

Occassional visual disturbances (Flashes of specs)

Ear pressure and tinnitus and sometimes ear pain

Left arm feeling multiple things, weak and achy/numb in patchy places/ can feel uncoordinated

Left leg shooting pains

Sometimes affects right side too

Myoclonic jerks in both feet and legs, mostly noticed at night

I lose feeling in my arm so often now that it's normal to me

Fullness pressure feeling and pain, pain only applies for left side

Left side feels stiff/noticeably weaker, alot in wrist

Occasional nerve pain (unprovoked), seems to travel around my left side

When I have a migraine, above 2 become more intense, but dealable

Keep these symptoms in mind when I explain this.

I'm starting to feel really alone with my head issues/migraines, explaining it to someone is hard enough, I don't remember all my symptoms for the most part without taking 5 minutes to go through them, but I dont feel like I can tell anybody how truly disabling/agonizing this is.

I'm becoming irritable, moody because some days I just can't deal with it, I'm not vocal with this thankfully, but I can feel it building, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it back, I don't want people to talk to me in person, when I'm suffering, talking is hard, being any kind of social is hard, the worst part is people can't fathom it, they can't empathise with me, talking to people is literally hard for me and I don't mean the idea of being socially awkward, which I would say I am at this point in time due to covid, can you imagine having a headache/migraine every day of your life 24/7 and people start asking you questions? Or want you to be social? Pretending my life is okay?

It might seem like an exaggeration, but the pain gets in the way of my thoughts and I can't express things the way I want to, I have no life in me, I've expressed this to people multiple times and it feels so forgotten, futile even, so I just try my best every day and it's tiring, socialising is tiring on a whole new level than it normally is, I can't confide in anyone because it doesn't help me and it comes off as a moaner, in talks with my roommate, it gets brought down to depression and for a while, I believed it, I felt like I was a part of the problem, I was bringing myself down because of different factors other than my head and I can become happier by abolishing those things or changing that lifestyle.

I dont express my feelings well, I dont like talking about it, it hurts less if I don't acknowledge it, but I can't deny how big of a role this is currently playing in my life, I can't look at it like "it's mostly depression" because a huge fucking chunk of that depression revolves around my nerve issues.

If I have depression on a daily basis, scroll up and add all them fucking symptoms to the list.

I don't feel like I can "crawl" out of this depression, I feel constantly burnt out, chronic pain means chronic stress.

I just want to be alone and distance myself so on my good days I can pop out and be social and not burden friends/family.

I love my friends and I understand the help they give me, but I want establish based on the above information, that "getting me out the house" is a tough one to field, it actually provides the opposite effect depending on the day, if it's a bad day, I dont want to talk to anyone physically.

It sounds incredibly ungrateful to say that and I hate it, I hate myself for it, it upsets me, but if I don't then I will get the same advice. The same feelings that will continue to build.

Please know that my issue is complicated, very complicated and I appreciate all help given to me, but my issue is unconventional, some days are much worse than others I dont even know how to help myself, I just... deal with it. I have to.

I need help that I can't ask for.

There is no point complaining about it because "rest" does not make it better, typical solutions does not solve it, my answer to it is just carry on, just keep going, I try so hard for it to not ruin my life, I'm failing but I'm failing with style.

I find my issues very hard to talk about, I dont like talking about this, saying "migraine" for the 1000th time brings me no joy and I don't want to use it as a crutch for my mistakes, but I cannot deny what is happening to me right now and it is destroying me.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Inktober Day 6 - Drooling

Summary: It’s two marines and a baby, what could go wrong? Apparently, a lot. That’s what  Bo Peep and Alistair Shepard discover while waiting out a sandstorm with a baby in the middle of nowhere. A baby Turian, to be exact. They definitely don’t get paid enough for this shit... but at least they’re cute. Bo’s still going to murder whoever left them alone, though.

---

Easy mission, they said... easy mission her ass. This shit was cursed.

“Is anyone out there? Repeat, Commander Shepard x 2 with a civilian. Damn it, somebody answer me!”

The communicator was still not responding thanks to the fine mess they had gotten themselves into that wonderful day.  Bo Peep Shepard groaned in disgust as she resisted the urge to punch something. Instead, she slid down the wall into a sitting position. It was the better to look just what the fuck had happened.

No way N7 would have prepared her for this.

“Easy, little one. I'm not going to hurt you... I think... am I even holding you right?”

Alistair Shepard frowned as he tried to make the screeching bundle in his arms a little more comfortable. They had found it – them – in the fucked up building they had wound up in after getting separated from their third member. Somewhere, Garrus was up to his ass in a sandstorm. If only he was there instead.

Yeah,they had traded him in for a fucking baby Turian; the combat specs were better across the board when it came to hand-to-hand combat.

It was the first time she had really seen a baby Turian alone. Normally, you could barely find them – their parents were like fucking hawks. Once, maybe, she thought she had seen bright eyes peek out at her from a cowl. But that was then, and this was a baby right in their fucking face, scream-crying at them. Or at least it sounded like scream-crying. Maybe that was a baby universal.

“Are you hungry? You're not hurt.” Alistair was trying without success to calm the baby down. When that didn't work, he sighed and pressed his helmet. “Damn it, the English-to-Turian isn't working.”

“Maybe they speak Krogan.”

Her companion shot her a dirty look as he continued to try and comfort the baby nestled in his arms. At least it had a blanket to protect it from bumping up against the armor. Unlike adult Turians, babies were kind of... squishy. More solid than a human baby for sure, but definitely more fragile than the adults. No wonder Turian parents freaked out so much if their kids tried to get away; she would too if she was made of metal and her offspring was squishy.

Well, maybe not. No matter how squishy they were, kids were off the table for her. No thanks.

“Keep trying to reach Garrus. Maybe he can sort this out.” Alistair careful stood, still cradling the baby in his arms. “You don't seem to fuss as much when I'm walking around. Do you like that?”

Instead of a scream, the baby let out a little peep that reminded her of an earth robin. Well, that settled that. Robin it was until they discovered just who they were and where the fuck their parents got to without them. They were definitely going to hear it from her when this damn storm cleared and they found wherever they were hiding..

Their little bundle of joy was giving her a migraine. That and, you know, baby abandonment. Not cool.

Outside, their little hiding spot, the storm still raged. It didn't seem to scare Robin, surprisingly. Now that they weren't scream-crying at every motion, they looked like a pretty normal baby. Or maybe this was how Turians portrayed deathly terror as children. It was kind of up in the air.

“Remind me to look up how to take care of babies for like ten species when we get back to the Normandy.” Alistair adjusted Robin to hold them a little higher. “Hey, do you like that? You're not squirming as much.”

The only answer he got was a stream of drool that dribbled between their mandibles thanks to the lack of teeth and other useful mouth things. At least one thing was consistent between the species: babies drooled. Now, if they were lucky it wouldn't be acid or some other nasty substance. It wasn't melting armor, so that was a good sign.

“Robin has marked you as their own.” Bo snickered as she watched Alistair shoot her a dirty look. “What, it might be true. You didn't do the research on babies.”

“Neither did you.” As Robin began to fuss, Alistair  turned back to them. “Sorry, sorry, guess you don't like that much. I'll clean you right up right away.”

Despite his misgivings, he was pretty good with the baby. Really, when it came to kids he was the Shepard to go to about it. Maybe it was because he was so low to the ground and looked like an easy target, but they tended to be more comfortable with him. Of course, she had a pretty small sample size of random kids they had picked up on missions, so it was hard to tell. He might just have been the more comforting of the two of them.

She didn't mind that – again, not really a kid person.

“There we go, all clean.” Robin was soon high in the air, and Bo swore that was a giggle. Could Turians do that? “Aww, I think they're happy. Are you happy?”

More drool hit Alistair square in the face as an answer. “I'll take that as a yes.”

He continued to cradle the baby in his arms as they watched the storm swirl. With any luck, it would die down in the hour and they could continue their search for their missing crew member. Then, he could, you know, talk to Robin in a language they might actually understand. Translators didn't exactly work on babies.

Believe her – they tried.

“I hope we find their parents soon... it's nasty out there.” When Robin fussed in his arms, he cradled them closer. “It's ok, I'm here. It's really dusty out there right now, but we'll get you back with your family soon. Promise.”

Their newest crew member probably didn't understand a damn word he said, but the tone probably helped. More peeping, softer this time. Their eyes were closing. At last, it was Turian nap time. With it would come a little peace from the screaming.

Bo looked back at Robin as they slept. Apart from the dirt that came from the storm, they looked pretty clean. The blanket they'd wrapped them in wasn't patched either. And if the y had been hungry, shit it would've been murder.

Definitely not abandoned. Missing, possibly.

“When we find the family, I'm gluing that blanket to their hands.”

Alistair snorted as he cradled Robin closer to keep them warm. With the storm, it was getting colder. Palaven was a pretty warm place, so maybe they were like a bird and needed all the heat they could get. Where was a heat lamp when you needed one?

“I'll get the glue. You hold them.”

Excellent, it was a plan. Now all they had to do was sit back and wait through the dust that still slammed against the outside of the building. In a way, it reminded her of the rain. Only it was dry and hurt like a bitch when it hit exposed skin. Acid rain maybe? Eh, metaphors weren't her thing.

At least holding kids was somebody's. Alistair looked right at home with Robin snuggled close to his body. Maybe he wasn't holding them completely right, but it wasn't like they were complaining either. And they were breathing, so, good sign.

In a way, this was kind of practice for him. You know, for babies and all.

“Least you'll know how to hold them when you and Garrus have one.”

It was fun to watch Alistair's cheeks turn red. He tried to start up, but that would've woken Robin out of her nap. So all he could do was flush scarlet and glare at her like she had let his hamster out of the airlock. It kind of reminded her of Saren, actually – must've been the puffed out cheeks he swear he didn't do.

“Shut it.”

Ever so eloquent. No wonder he was humanity's first Spectre.

They lapsed into silence after that, Bo checking out the window ever so often to gauge the storm. It was definitely getting lighter, but nothing they would go out in yet. She frowned and looked down at her omni-tool. The cracked surface was at least lighting up. Maybe they had made it through the worst of it.

“Mandibles, if you're out there, fucking say something.”

Some god or spirit must have heard her, because Bo's vulgarity was met with static instead of silence. Then she heard bits of a voice trying to break through the interference. It was the translated voice of a Turian who's ass she was going to kick. However, it was music to her ears. For a brief moment, she could guess why her companion got so goofy over him.

Just for a moment. Then the homosexuality kicked in.

“-ou, Shepard?”

Bo flashed Alistair a thumbs up as she twisted the omni-tool for better reception. “Come on, Mandibles, talk to me.”

A bit more static, but she caught him this time. “Stuck with some civilians. We're waiting out the storm nearby. You got someone with you too?”

Even though it sounded like English to her, it was still Turian. Robin's little head picked up from their sound sleep and they were suddenly looking right at Bo with huge green eyes. She had seen marbles that were smaller, and for a second she wondered if Owl wouldn't have been a better name to call them by instead.

Damn, huge eyes. They definitely shrunk when they aged up.

“Yeah, a baby. Al's keeping an eye on them. Red blanket, green eyes. Can't tell you much other than that.”

There was some commotion in the back wherever Garrus was. The translator couldn't pick it up, but she definitely heard squawking and a screech like an eagle. Robin definitely perked up at that and started peeping like crazy. Also, wiggling, they were doing that too. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was what, that was for sure.

Looks like they found the idiots. Now she just needed to get some glue.

“You're not going to believe this, but I have her parents with me here. They got separated earlier.” Garrus definitely sounded relieved as he turned to relay something to the idiots who were going to get their hands glued together when she found them. “What are your coordinates? We'll head over when the storm clears.”

Bo was more than happy to give them over, especially since they got to sit on their asses and wait at this point. Robin definitely looked cheerier as she continued to peep at her parents through the omni-tool. Soon, she would be back with them and her babysitters would be able to go take a goddamn nap.

“I don't really care, just get here. Robin's been drooling on us and shit.”

Garrus made a confused sound at the end. “They said her name was Vita.”

“Placeholder, damn it, we don't speak Turian.” she groaned. “Just get here, Mandibles, before she imprints on Al or something and you have to take her home.”

Of course, judging from how much Vita/Robin was drooling on Alistair, she may have already marked her territory. Well, they would have to settle that when the parents got there and she made sure they never let go again. Until then, she kept her eyes to the window to watch for their arrival. Then, fuck, she was taking a nap.

This was why she didn't want kids. Even strangely cute little Turian ones with owl eyes and a propensity for drooling on people.  It was definitely going into her weirder mission folder for sure. But until then... babysitting it was.

The Alliance was definitely not going to believe this one. Luckily, Alistair was the one who had to write THAT report.