#speaking of two am driving home from concerts in la music

[purplesurveys]

1195

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

—:: Who ::—

... was the last person you saw face to face? I passed by my brother last night when I had to go to the kitchen to fill up my tumbler.

... was the last person you texted or messaged online? Angela; I was just asking her for the difference among A4/A5/A6 since I’m now planning to buy a binder and sleeves for my rapidly increasing collection of photocards and postcards. It really frustrates me that A4 is the biggest one and A6 the smallest :((((

... was the last person who asked you for a favour? Kata, my manager. She filed a half-day leave last Friday to get herself and her family vaccinated in her town, so she had sent me over a very long to-do list of deliverables that she asked me to fulfill while she was out. Eventually she ended up filing a whole-day leave since she felt feverish after being under the sun all day, and also possibly from side effects of the vaccine, so I ended up carrying the entire workload for the day. I like Kata and she’s a very easy person and superior to work with, so I honestly couldn’t complain about it.

... was the last person you lent something to? Ooh, I don’t remember. I don’t really lend people things.

... was the last person who told you a secret/confided in you? Andi was just sharing to me their worries about taking the LAE (scheduled for today) and how they’ll be okay if they don’t pass.

... is the tallest person you know? Jo is like 5′7″ and we all look like beans when standing next to her. One of my uncles is also very tall; around 5′10″ or 5′11″ if I’m not mistaken.

... the shortest person you know? I think Aya? That’s just a smart guess, though; I haven’t seen most of my friends in more than a year.

... your oldest (in years) friend? Mik is turning 28 this year. Sometimes I forget just how much older he is than me since we vibe really well together during the rare times we did get to hang out. I’m still bummed we never got that smoke break we wanted to have.

... is the oldest (in length of time) friend? Angela.

... is your youngest friend? Hannah was born in 2000. Peter was born in 2001 but we aren’t that close yet.

... is your newest friend? I haven’t made any new friends recently. Stan Twitter is lonelier than I thought it would be; everyone is already friends with everyone so it’s hard to break that space. Not to mention everyone is also grossly younger than I am – I keep seeing profiles with ‘2004′ on their bio :/ I should start making an effort to look for older ARMYs lol, I definitely feel like I’d have more fun that way.

... is your closest relative? My eldest cousin on my mom’s side, my Kuya.

... was your favourite teacher? My music teacher from high school. I neeeeeever liked music as a subject and it was never a priority of mine, but she always kept our classes something for me to look forward with her advice and the way she was always able to make lessons interesting.

... was your least favourite teacher? Those who made it clear they didn’t like me, even though I didn’t do anything to deserve such hostility.

... did you spend the most time with when growing up? My siblings and cousins since we all lived together at one point.

... knows you the best? My two best friends.

... always beats you in games or sports? Andi would probably be able to beat me in any game. They just let me win because they know I can be a sore loser.

... who is the most creative of the people you know? My family is pretty artistic and I have a lot of talented relatives - my sister and my cousin Maggie paint and draw; my mom can make any kind of craft she wants, with her hnds; and one of my grand-aunts regularly does paintings. I think all of them are amazingly creative in their own way.

... is the funniest person you know? Probably Andi. Hans makes me crack up too.

... is the most organised that you know? My mom.

... that you know has travelled the most? My dad. Both our fridge doors are filled from top to bottom with magnets from places he’s travelled in due to his line of work. He’s toned down quite a bit in the last few years and has taken to staying within Asia, but back then his traveling history was super expansive – Germany, Jamaica, Italy, Belize, Aruba, Italy, France, Monaco, Denmark, Norway, the UK, US, Estonia, Portugal, etc.

... has always been there for you? Angela never left my side.

... has given you the most personal gift? I can’t possibly pick, my friends are pretty good at giving me gifts...like Andi getting me a Petals For Armor CD and a Punk shirt that hasn’t been produced in a while, and Angela giving me a personalized Friends mug because she knows I like my coffee and she knows I like Friends.

... has an annoying laugh? I don’t think anyone I know has an annoying laugh.

... never forgets a birthday? That would be me.

... do you live with? My parents, my two siblings, and our two dogs.

...,do you have the most in common with? I’m not so sure about this one, actually. I share bits of my personality with a lot of people - like me and Jo liking BTS, me and Andi liking wrestling, Blanch and I having similar personalities, me and Laurice being super meticulous when it comes to our work, etc. - but I haven’t met anyone who’s virtually a duplicate of mine when it comes to my traits and interests.

...is the sportiest person you know? I’m also not sure. Most people I know are into watching a bunch of sports, but none of them actually play.

...was your last missed call? It was an unknown number that I kept ignoring because THEY WOULDN’T TEXT WHO THEY WERE. If you have enough load credits to call me multiple times, then surely you can text me and introduce yourself first, and maybe then I can pick up the phone.

...did you last open your door for? My sister knocked last Friday because someone wanted to talk to me via landline. It was weird since no one calls via the phone anymore, but I have a gut feeling it was that ^ same person who had been trying to call me through my phone but never texted me. Eventually I learned it was one of the bloggers I’m talking to for work who just wanted to ask a few questions about our ongoing engagement.

... has your heart? Kim Taehyung. Expect the same answer for this type of question moving forward.

... has your respect? I gotta hand it to Tina for consistently doing well in her studies and excelling in every subject while doing photo and video editing for two orgs, working on her thesis, and being a board member in our mutual org, all while living alone. She does so well I wish I can tell her to give herself the occasional break to avoid burnout.

...do you share a special song with? I don’t think I have that with anyone.

...do you miss right now? Literally allllllll my friends.

...last made you angry? It’s been a while since I’ve directed my anger towards another person. When I get pissed off these days it’s usually over a situation that goes awry or out of my control.

...did you last buy a gift for? So this was not technically meant to be a gift, but what happened was I accidentally secured two orders of the same poster set, which was a part of this new BTS photobook coming out later this month, from two different shops. One of the shops merely posted an ‘interest check’ for the poster set so I signed up for it thinking it was harmless, but when they got back to me they already attached an invoice :/ I ended up having to pay for it just so things won’t get complicated between myself and the shop anymore; and I told Angela she can just keep the extra set I bought and that she can consider it a gift.

...did you celebrate your last birthday with? My family and technically my workmates since I didn’t file a leave that day. I also had food delivered to their house so I guess that can count as my ‘celebration’ with them.

...have you gone to a concert with? I went with Angela for my first Paramore show.

...can make you laugh? Anyone can tbh. It’s not very hard to make me laugh.

...has taught you how to do something? Nina taught me how to embroider and do basic needle/thread skills back when I was still getting into the hobby.

...has lost something of yours? I am almost certain my ex never kept the handwritten letters I used to write her. She never seemed to remember or bring up the things I wrote.

...has broke your heart? Gabie but I’m over it.

...has stood you up? Hasn’t happened to me before.

:: What ::

Is your favourite colour? Pastel pink.

Can you do that most your friends can’t? Type fast, apparently.

Is your birthday? April 21.

Colour eyes do you have? Dark brown/black.

Form of transport do you take to work/school? I work from home. But under normal circumstances I would drive my car.

Music do you like to listen to in the car? I connect my Spotify to the car’s Bluetooth and listen to whatever artist or playlist I’m into at the moment. The music I put on could also depend on my current mood for the day.

Languages can you speak? Filipino and English. I’ve also been able to pick up looooots of Korean phrases and expressions because of the amount of content I watch. I’m nowhere near fluent, of course, but I’m increasingly able to pick up what people say based off a few Korean words I’ll hear in a sentence.

Was the last thing you drank? Continued from idk. I finished off my glass of water from dinner.

Was the last thing you ate? My mom made pasta.

Time did you wake up this morning? Depends on how late I slept the night before and how tired I was, but it usually ranges between 5:45–7:30 AM.

Colour are your bedroom walls? They’re white.

Drink do you usually order when eating out? I never order drinks unless I’m at La Creperie, in which case I always get their San Gines hot chocolate; for everywhere else that isn’t a bar, I just get water.

Food can you cook well? ...I can’t cook.

Animals have you had for a pet? Dogs, rabbit, lovebirds, goldfish, and technically a cat but she was mostly Nina’s.

Are your initials? RC.

Kind of activities do you like to do on the weekends? I’m still kind of stuck at home during the weekends :/ so I can’t do much, but I’m not complaining since I actually prefer staying in these days. Anyway, most recently I’ve taken to catching up on BTS content I’ve missed over the last 8 years, so I like watching shows they’ve done like Bon Voyage, Run BTS, etc.

Movie do you know line by line? Two for the Road, TITANIC, and probably most of White Chicks.

Band(s) have you seen in concert? Paramore, One Direction, a bunch of local bands.

Do you buy/get to treat yourself? It’s usually food - I like giving myself a feast every Friday night - but I’m putting that in the backseat for now as I’ve realigned my money to be spent on BTS merch. My big purchases are saved for the albums for now, but every now and then I’ll see a postcard or photocard I like and buy them. Once I complete the albums I’ll be moving on to the concert DVDs, then the special packages, then probably BT21 plushies. Needless to say I have a longggggg way to go haha.

Colours your phone cover? I have a clear case.

Part of the world would you love to visit? Another continent would be nice.

Question do you dislike being asked? Even though I know people mean well, I don’t like being asked “How are you?” but tbh it’s more of a me thing because I just never really know what to say.

Subject were you good at in school? History.

Careers do your parents have? They both work in the hospitality industry.

Brand of clothing do you buy most often? For clothes clothes I’m not really loyal to a particular brand; I buy from different brands and shops all the time. But for shoes, I like sticking to Nikes.

Chocolate bar is your favourite? Not a big fan of chocolate bars. I love Reese’s Cups, though.

TV show have you watched every series of? Friends, Perfect Strangers, Breaking Bad.

Radio station do you listen to the most? It’s a little hard to tell at this point considering I haven’t driven regularly in over a year. But back when I used to do it, I usually flipped among 93.1, 99.5, and 87.5.

Podcasts are you subscribed to? I’m not the biggest fan of podcasts. Find them a tad bit boring.

Is your favourite dessert? Macarons or cheesecake.

Can’t you do that most around you seem to? Ride a bike.

Are 5 qualities you value in a friend? Loyalty, thoughtfulness, honest, sensitive to my needs and those of others, and intelligent.

Are 5 qualities you value in a partner? ^ Pretty much the same thing.

Size pizza do you usually order? Family size usually.

Cuisine do you like to order or cook? I’ve been getting Japanese so many times recently. I rarely go outside sushi.

Colour(s) dominate your wardrobe? Black and white, and colors that were in at one point like mustard yellow and pastel pink.

Toothpaste brand do you use? Colgate.

Sounds can you hear right now? My insanely loud aircon.

Is the weather like today? Like hell. I believe we’re reaching a heat index of over 50ºC every day now, so...that’s fun. It gets absolutely difficult to work in the afternoon when the temperature is at its most brutal, and its times like this I wish I got to work in the office so that there’s aircon and I could at least work comfortably :/

Are your plans for tomorrow? Just work and have tons of meetings, the usual.

:: Where ::

Do you keep your phone when not using it? I keep my phone near me even when I’m not using it since I could always get an important notification.

Were you born? Manila.

Do you go to unwind? Most days it would be the rooftop, but under normal circumstances I like staying at a coffee shop somewhere to escape life and my responsibilities for a short while.

Is your best friend right now? I believe they’re both at home since they have no reason to be out anyway.

Can you go nearby to have a good time? Personally, I would just go to the Starbucks near our village lol. If I’m feeling a bit more adventurous I’d head to Katip, which is prrrretty close by but not quite.

Is the nearest restaurant? We have a McDonald’s literally right beside the village. Then besides that is a Shakey’s, and right across that is a Burger King, then the aforementioned neaby Starbucks. Just makes me realize how urbanized my town has gotten in the last few years.

Is the nearest beach? If I had to guess, the nearest beaches would be in Batangas which is 2-3 hours away, but it really depends on how fast you can drive lol. I’m not too good with long car rides so in both times I’ve driven there I had always taken 4 hours.

Did you meet your closest friend? I met Angela in grade school, and I met Andi at a local rally in my university.

Did you go for your last vacation? Tagaytay, though it was a staycation more than anything else.

Is the nearest mall or superstore? It’s like a 3-minute drive away from the village.

Did you last get an injury? I have loadsssssss of new scratches and gashes all around my wrists from playing with Cooper.

Is the most extravagant place you’ve stayed at? It’s a toss-up between Aids’ or Gian’s house. Gian would probably win since I never actually got to go inside Aids’ place, and his was the first house I’ve been to that was able to literally take my breath away. OH and Shaun’s house was pretty fucking swanky as well.

Do most the local kids play? I would have no idea since I’m neither a kid nor a parent.

Have you been with your family? This is a very vague question lol...what do you mean where have we been? We’ve been to different towns around the country and several countries together, if that’s what you’ve been asking.

Did you spend Christmas last year? We visited a couple of relatives, and we also spent it at home.

Did your parents grow up? My mom grew up within Metro Manila; my dad in a city a little outside of it.

Did you buy the shoes you’re wearing? I’m barefoot at the moment and always am at home.

Would you like to go right now if you could? If life had still been normal I would probably be having after-work drinks at a bar near the office.

Do you miss the most from your childhood? I’m not sure how to answer this with where.

Is the best restaurant you know? I’m still searching for it.

Will you never go again as it was so bad? It’s not that it was bad, but I’d probably never dine at 8Cuts again because their burgers are not worth the hype and are very overpriced for their size.

:: When ::

...was your last vacation? My family’s last legit vacation was in August 2019; but we did have a quick escape to Tagaytay in January of this year.

...did you graduate? I officially ‘graduated’ from college in August, if you could even call it that.

...did you decide what career you wanted? Somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd year of college. That was when I decided I hated journalism and preferred PR, but since PR is under journalism’s umbrella there was no need for me to shift courses.

...did you have your first kiss? Continued. Like WHEN when or how old was I when? In any case, it was in January 2015 and I ws 16.

...did you learn how to swim? Idk, pretty early on. My parents liked taking us to water parks when we were younger, so we had a lot of exposure. I’m not sure if there was ever a time where something just clicked and I learned how to swim; I believe it had just come naturally.

...did you have your first relationship? By the end of 2014.

...did you meet your best friend? I met both of them in school, but at different points.

...do you feel the most at peace? Probably when I’m able to stay at the rooftop all alone.

...do you usually fall asleep? I’ve readjusted my body clock now (I used to want to be in bed by 9 or 10 PM, lmao) and I stay up until anywhere between 12-2 AM on weekdays.

...do you usually wake up? Ranges between 6-7:30 AM.

...did you last watch a movie? September.

...did you last go to a party? Around Februaryish, 2020.

...did you last cry? I can’t really recall. The last moment I can remember was crying over Life Goes On sometime last month, when I heard it for the first time. I’m just not sure if that’s accurate or when exactly in April that happened.

...did you laugh really hard? I always have a good laugh at least once a day.

...did you buy something pricey last? Idk what you would count as pricey but I bought the new BTS photobook set when it dropped back in April. Cost me around ₱3750. I wasn’t able to buy from the first press (it sold out in like 7 minutes lol) which included an exclusive poster set, so I had to look for a local shop that was already offering the poster set separately, and ended up shelling out another ₱2200 for it...which means all in all I spent around ₱5950 for it or roughly $125.

...did you have an argument last? Earlier this evening but I don’t want to get into it as it made me cry from sadness and frustration for the first time in months.

...did you last have a sick day? May last year.

...did you last recieve a hug? I have no idea. February, I think? when I hung out with my friends.

...when is your best friend’s birthday? July 22 or September 15, depends on which best friend.

...did you learn how to drive? I started getting lessons when I was 17, but I didn’t start feeling comfortable with it until I turned 18.

...did you last receive a surprise? Around a couple of weeks ago when my dad came home with Jollibee for us.

:: How ::

Many pets do you have? Two.

Many houses have you lived in? Three that I can remember, but I know my parents moved around a bit when I was a newborn.

Often do you shower? Every morning before my shift. I hate feeling sweaty and icky when I report for work.

Well can you cook? I can’t at all.

Many close friends do you have? I have two people I count as my absolute best friends, but I have a handful of close friends as well.

Many Brothers or sisters do you have? One of each.

Often do you go swimming? I don’t swim much at all, really...I haven’t done it since 2019, so that should say enough. As relaxing as it is, I feel like the clean-up afterwards can be such a challenge lol. Like if you swim in a pool you have to rigorously wash the chlorine off of you; and if you swim in the sea you have to also be thorough about making sure you’ve removed all the sand from your body.

Many times have you texted today? I don’t think I texted today but I did spend my whole day on chat platforms.

Do you like your toast (colour, topping)? I don’t have super particular preferences; I just like mine on the burnt side.

Do you like your tea and/or coffee? My coffee has to be sweet for me to enjoy it. I can take black coffee/Americano; I’ll just wince a lot with every sip. No tea for me thanks.

Do you like to celebrate your birthdays? With a lot of food.

Are you feeling today? A little frustrated because of an argument incident this evening. But I’m shaking it off and just focusing on the release of Butter tomorrow. My first BTS comeback!!!

Serious are you about your career goals? Very.

Many rooms are in your house? In total, 9.

Many bedrooms in your house? 4.

Did you do in your school exams? I was never consistent. I slacked off a looooooot in grade school; couldn’t give less of a shit about my classes then. I got a bit more hardworking in high school, but I still was a bit lax and I allowed myself to not put a lot of effort in subjects I didn’t care a lot for and that I know I would never have to use in real life, like chemistry or accounting, so there were exams I really excelled in and others that I would fail. It was only in college I started taking my studies incredibly seriously and I believe that showed in the grades I eventually got.

Close do you live to your parents? They’re like, five steps away.

Close do you live to your siblings? My sister’s literally in the room next to mine.

Sensitive to criticism are you? I know it’s something that can never be avoided, so I’m always open to hearing them, especially if it’s meant to help me. It doesn’t mean I enjoy it as it is being given.

Motivated to make changes are you? Depends on my mood and mindset. 

Creative are you (1-10): -0.5.

Hard working are you (1-10): Probably a 22 if I really put my head into a task.

Sporty are you (1-10): I dunno, maybe a 6? I do like playing table tennis, but I’m pretty meh at any other sport.

Musical are you (1-10): 0.

Do you prefer your eggs? Runny yolk; scrambled; or a really packed omelette.

Often do you go out to eat? Before the pandemic, I liked eating out 2-3 times a week.

Would your best friend describe you? Not sure, I never tried asking them this. I hope it’s all nice things, though.

Can someone cheer you up if you’re sad? Send me photos of V. Hahahaha

Often do you meet up with your friends? ...What do you think? D:

Important is religion to you? It is not a part of my life whatsoever.

Old were you when you first stayed overnight from home? 15 or 16, I can’t really remember.

Old were you when you got your first pet? I was maybe 6.

Tech savvy are you? I know enough to survive my own, but I obviously can’t hack into other computers or things like that.

Do you show you appreciate those you care for? Buying them food.

Often do you cut your hair? I only take a trip to the salon once a year.

Often do you paint your nails? Never.

Many countries have you visited? Six.

Boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Just one.

:: Why ::

... did you choose your username? Because it was straightforward.

... did you take this survey? I like surveys made in categories, and this seemed interesting and varied enough.

... did you choose the career you did? I found that I enjoyed it MILES more than journalism.

...did you last leave the house? I had to go to a local LBC for a work errand.

...did you last give up on something? She wasn’t worth the effort anymore. She hadn’t been for a while, but it took me forever to realize.

...did you search the last thing you searched? I wanted to sing along to the song but it was in Japanese, so I had to look up its lyrics.

...would you give up on someone completely? Oof, I guess you can refer to one of the previous questions. ^

:: If...::

You could live in any country which would you choose? Canada.

You could choose any animal as a pet which one? I’m perfectly content with dogs.

You could be famous for something what would you like? Being known for a funny tweet would probably be enough lol. I have no desire to be famous.

You are sad, how do you combat it? I don’t really get sad anymore these days, so I can’t super remember the go-to tactics I depend on...I guess I like listening to sad songs and allowing myself to wallow in the sadness, because I know I have to accept and process my feelings first before I can be able to calm down.  

You can drive when did you learn? I learned shortly before I started college, when I was 18, because no one was going to be able to take me to university when the school year started.

You could have any job what would it be? Idk, I like the one I have now.

You could go anywhere for a vacation where would you go? Somewhere with a completely different feel and atmosphere, like Norway, Sweden, Finland...that part of Europe, basically.

You could eat anything right now what would it be? Samgak gimbap :/

You wrote a book what genre/topic would it be? It would be a book of essays or maybe a memoir.

You had a theme song what would it be? Idk I don’t really think about this.

You could meet any band/singer in person which one? Billie Eilish seems awesome and easy and fun to talk to.

You could act in any movie which would it be? No thanks.

You get married what venue would you like? Hotel.

If you have kids do you have names picked out? I have one name picked out for a girl but that’s it.

Could describe your dream home what would it be like? Brutalist and minimalist, with large windows, cove lights, and a lot of white space.

You could go back in time what would you change? Break up with Gab earlier.

Could use 3 words to describe your childhood which ones? Could’ve been better.

Could get the answer to any question which question would you choose? When I would die and how, just so I can have peace of mind.

You could have an endless supply of something what would it be? Money, because of course.

Meet anyone who no longer lives who’d you choose? My great-grandfather, mom’s side.

:: Can ::

... you ride a bike? No, never learned.

... you ski? I’ve never even seen snow, so no.

... you bake a cake? I can try but it will probably be very clumsily made as I don’t bake.

... you sing well? I wouldn’t say that. I like singing when I’m alone, but it doesn’t mean I’m any good.

... you do your own taxes? I’ve never tried haha so I guess not.

... you remain calm in a crisis? Depends on how serious it is.

... you do first aid? Let’s just say I wouldn’t volunteer if it comes down to it because I feel like I’d commit one fatal mistake that would make the situation graver. 

... remember your best friend’s family members’ names? Both of their families, yes.

... you fire a gun? I’ve never tried so I doubt it.

... your parents drive? Yep.

...your best friend dance well? They’re not ‘dancers’ per se but sure, they can bust out a move or two.

...you make people laugh easily? Not everyone, but sure.

...stand up for yourself? That’s what I’m trying to learn these days.

...you do a martial art? No.

:: Would ::

You like to learn a new language? That’s always a welcome opportunity.

Save the life of a stray animal? Absolutely.

Know what to do if there was a hurricane? We have several ones come in the country every year so yeah, I can definitely say we’ve long been well-prepared for them.

Try a new cuisine? I do this as often as I can.

Risk your life for anyone? Yes.

You like to get back in touch with someone? No, I’m good now.

You drive in the middle of the night to get a stuck friend? Ina heartbeat.

You Know how to perform CPR? In relation to the first aid question, I wouldn’t volunteer myself in case I make a wrong move.

You likely win in a game of chess? I don’t even know how it works, so no.

You stop talking for a day for $100? Easily.

[strangerontheotherside84]

Wild Child (Billy Hargrove x Reader) part 2

Disclamer: idk where this is going but I guess I’m just gonna update this whenever I’m bored and have a fun idea

Warnings: swearing, mention of abuse (kinda), sexual tension

Billy took one last look at himself in the mirror of the mens restroom, quickly fixing his messy curls, before lighting a cigarette and heading back into the dark concert hall. The gig was almost over and he hadn’t spotted you yet. Not that he wanted to but he was actually impressed that you would be the kind of girl to go to a RATT show all by herself in the middle of nowhere. But you were propably just talking shit. Better for him. Like that he was able to enjoy a dope concert without your bitchy attitude driving him up the walls.

„ALRIGHT INDIANA THIS IS OUR LAST SONG! MAKE SOME NOISE!“

Alright, this meant it was time for Billy to go. He would usually leave a show a bit earlier than everybody else in order to get his blue Camaro out of the parking lot before it was crowded with drunk kids. Just before arriving at his beloved car Billy heard a noise that made him turn around. Nevermind, it was just two of the said drunk kids making out heavily on the hood of a car. Or maybe even fucking. But who cared?

But what Billy then saw almost caused him to drop his keys. That was YOU with some guy. And to be honest you seemed kinda bored. Nevertheless, Billy felt caught when your eyes suddenly met his. You winked at him just before rubbing yourself even harder against that dude and letting out a loud moan while flipping Billy off.

What a fucking tease.

Like, Billy knew that you had a pretty good taste in music but god you were such a bitch. But something like this? Damn, it made you almost seem kinda cool, and he didn’t like that. Because if there was one thing the two of you could agree on was that you hated each other and wouldn’t want to change a thing about that.

-

„ASSHOLE!“ you yelled at the car passing by honking at you. Usually it wasn’t a problem to hitchhike back home from shows, you had done this before but tonight seemed to be the night of brainless fuckers. If you had a dollar for everytime some of these jerks had pretended to stop just to honk at you or say some stupid shit like „Hey babe maybe you should try it backstage it’s getting cold tonight.“….you’d propably could have payed for a taxi to Hawkins. Not like those excisted anyway.

After what felt like forever, the parking lot behind you was now completly empty and the concert hall shut off it’s light, a car finally seemed to stop for you. Which was good because sooner or later your finger would have probably frozen off. You almost couldn’t see because of the bright headlights but somehow made your way to the rolled down window at the side of the passenger seat.

„Hey thanks for stopping dude are you driving anywhere near Hawkins?“

„Actually yes. Lucky you.“

„Oh hell no.“

Billy smirked at you licking his lips while leaning towards the door to swing it open for you. He moved his hand across the passenger seat, indicating that you should enter the car. He knew you weren’t gonna say no, which caused him to smirk even cockier.

As much as you didn’t want to grant him this satisfaction, especially not after your encounter at school, you knew that this was the only way for you to get home before the next day. If you wouldn’t have frozen to death by then. You accepted your fate and took a seat in the blue Camaro.

„You looked pretty bored back there. So I thought I’d be nice for once and offer you a ride.“ Billy grinned at you, running his fingers through his sweaty curls.

„Oh what a lucky girl I am.“ you replied in a sarcastic tone, which, to be honest was pretty close to your usual tone „As if you’re never bored while hooking up with those pretty High School girls.“

„I thought girls didn’t just hook up with some random guy.“ he chuckled while lighting another cigarette, blowing the smoke directly towards you.

„What? You mean girls can’t just have sex with somene because they want to have some fun? Without even liking the guy?“ your sarcasm intensified as you dramatically clutched at your chest, “How do you think you get laid so often?“.

„Touché.“ Billy mumbled as he turned up the radio, which was blasting a Ted Nugent tape and stepped on the gas, causing you to be pushed deeper into your seat.

Wow he must really been having a rough week. Not knowing how to respond to you for the second time in two days? That was something new.

You didn’t speak for most of the ride but you could feel Billys eyes on you over and over again.

„Maybe you should focus on the street.“ you suggested after a while.

„Don’t mind me. I’m just thinking about the best way to throw you out of the moving car without damaging the seats. It relaxes me.“ he mumbled.

„Hey I didn’t force you to drive me home.“

„Yeah yeah chill. Don’t need you to turn into your bitchy self again.“ he scoffed „Why would you even hitchhike to a gig in the first place? I thought you had a car?“

„Well yeah but  A: said car broke down a few days ago an B: I wanted to get as drunk as possible.“

„And are you?“

„What?“

„As drunk as possible.“

You let out a quiet laugh „Well I’m sitting in Billy Hargrove’s Camaro at 11pm on a Saturday night. Is that enough of an answer?“

„Not really. By the way, Ì know I’m giving you a ride home but where exactly is that? Like where do you want me to drop you off?“

„Just drop me off at your place. Cherry Road right? I can walk from there.“ you replied.

„What? Don`t want you parents to see me?“ he scoffed raising his eyebrows while looking at you.

„Actually there are no parents who could see you, so no. I just like to walk home. Also, you knowing where I live would make this whole night even weirder.“

„Oh sorry I didn’t know….what happened to your parents?“ You could hear a sudden change in his voice. Less pretentious prick and more like he actually…cared?

Wow he must be a lot more drunk than you were. And you had had 6 beers. Which were probably the reason why you decided to tell your family story to the one guy you hated  most: „Well to make it short, never met my dad, mom got a new boyfriend, said guy was a total dick. Lots of fighting up tp the point where my mom was forced to decide between him and myself. And well we can all guess how that one turned out.“ you laughed out loud while gesturing at your appearance, „Well and now I’m technically living with my uncle who owns the garage on Laing Lane. Said uncle has a small flat above his garage and is therefore never really home. So you could say that I’m somewhat living on my own in the tiny ugly house my mum kindly left me.“

„When you say fighting…what.. what do you mean?“ Billy asked hesitantly.

Wow that was really all he got from that? No stupid dickhead jokes about driving you home and making you feel less alone?

„Well fighting….all kinds of..from yelling at each other to sometimes even beating the shit out of each other. Which I must admit was mostly me losing.“ you could see real concern in Billys eyes and something else that you couldn’t quite explain. „However the two good things that came out of this are the fact that I’m free to do whatever I want now and that I can actually discolate my jaw on purpose…whenever I need it.“

„Wait really?“ there we go you had Billy’s usual attention back on you. He looked at you with big eyes.

„No dickhead I was just trying to brighten the mood.“ you laughed „But it’s good to know that this is what you picked up from this talk. And now please forget everything my drunken self just told you and go back to hating me again.“

„Who said I ever stopped doing that?“ Billy smirked at you while suddenly stopping the car. You hadn’t realized that you had already arrived in front of the small house on Cherry Road. Billy turned off the engine which caused the lights inside the car to switch on. The curly haired boy was looking directly into your eyes, wearing the usual cocky grin on his face. The messy hair was sticking to his face, propably still sweaty from the show. You hadn’t realized until now that he wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath his leather jacket and caught yourself staring at his shiny abs for a little too long.

Definitely too long. Holy fuck you needed to get home. His abs weren’t shiny he was just sweaty and you were just drunk as hell. And probably still affected by that boring ass dude at the show and his sad attempts to make you cum.

This was the guy you despised most on this planet. All of him. Especially his pretentious personality.

„Need anything from me or…?“ Billy’s low mumbling voice interrupted your trail of thoughts. Fuck did he realize that you were staring at him? Judging by his stupid grin, he did. Still waiting for a response from you he raised his eyebrows and made a confused gesture towards you.

„Nah I’m fine. Thanks for driving me home and therefore preventing my sudden death from exposure.“

„Well if you were dead then who would be a total bitch to me when I could also have affection?“

„Keep that in mind for when you cry yourself to sleep at night.“ You replied witty while sliding out of the car, shutting the door behind you and walking off into the cold night.

What would Steve say if you told him that story? Well, he’d probably be surprised that both of you were still alive.

[alethia000]

[Interview Transcription] 140612 Youku All Star - Nichkhun's Talk  (English)

Getting recruited in the USA

In 2005, I went to a Korean concert. I ran into the casting managers and they asked me to audition for JYP. And I did. I got into the company in 2006 and I started training. At that time I was pretty much the only foreigner in JYP. Maybe a year later, Meng Jia and Feifei came to the company.  

When I started training at the company, they had me learned Korean and Chinese at the same time. And back then it was really confusing to me. I was trying to be good at Korean. At the same time, they wanted me to learn Chinese too. So I wasn’t good at either of them and they were giving me a lot of problems. (laugh)

I trained for about 2 years. We made the debut in September 2008 as 2PM.

So how my company, JYP, discovered me? I was at this Korean festival with my Korean friends in America, in LA. I was watching the concert and some lady approached me and asked me if I wanted to be a star. At the time I was really shy. I was a shy boy. 

(Fans in the studio laughed.) 

I was shy!! (laugh) I couldn’t even speak in front of the classroom without shaking. So at the time I said, “No! I didn’t want to.” My fans would know that I started off with not knowing how to sing, dance, or be on stage at all. I couldn’t even speak Korean. So I said No. I refused at first. Then they kept calling me. I was like, Ok. Let’s meet up. 

I asked them to come to the coffee shop close to my house. You know what coffee shop it is. (laugh) 

We sat down. We started talking. They started explaining to me about JYP, how Rain was in the company, how Park Jin Young was in the company, and how they worked with so many artists in America. 

As they were explaining to me about the company, two other people started setting up a camera outside the cafe.

After they were done, they called me outside. They told me to stand in front of the camera and introduce myself. 

At first, I didn’t want to do it. But then I was like introducing myself shouldn’t be that hard. I was like Ok. I’ll do this. But I won’t sing or dance. They said don’t worry about it. So I stood in front of the camera and said, “Hi everybody I’m Khun. I’m from America. I am 17 years old.” And then after I was done, they said, “Let’s try singing.” (sigh) 

The camera was already started rolling so I couldn’t just say no. I sang and it was a big disaster. After a while, they said, “Ok. This is not working. Let’s try something else. Can you dance?” I said, NO!

Then they pulled in this big truck and they turned on Usher’s Yeah! They turned on the stereo so loud that everyone in the cafe was staring at me.

They told me to dance. I think it was just like 5 seconds before they told me to stop because I couldn’t dance.  

They were like Let’s try something that might work. Let’s do some poses in front of the camera. And I did. That was my audition tape. I don’t think you will be able to find it. I am not going to watch it ever. 

After I was done that day, they said they would contact me within 2 or 3 weeks. I went back home and they went back to Korea. They had a talk with their management team and casting team. They decided to put me in the company.

They called me back and told me to come to Korea right away.  

I asked my parents. My grandmother was a big fan of Rain so she said, “Same company. Why not give it a try? It could be a one in a million opportunity. Let’s try it.” That’s how I got into the company and I started training. That was April 2006.

Almost giving up

In 2006, I went to Korea and started training. It was harder than I thought because of all the pressure I was getting.

I wasn’t able to speak Korean. I didn’t have any friends or family. I didn’t know the culture. It was really hard for me at first.

Within the first 3 months, I called my parents and I told them I wanted to go back to school in America and just be normal, be myself.

But then my dad asked me, “Do you want a brighter future?” He told me that if I went back to school, I would become pretty much nobody. He knew how I just liked to play sports and hang out with friends.

So my dad asked me, “Do you want to try and become somebody or do you want to be nobody?” And I said, “I’m gonna try.” And I started trying.

When I first got there, they had me go to this Korean Language School. 

I started taking Korean. They put me into singing class, dancing, rapping, acting, acrobatics. Pretty much everything. They wanted me to become a perfect performer. The problem was I was so bad at everything.

Everybody else in the company at the time like Junho, Jun.K were really good. So I was really feeling a bit down and sad because I couldn’t meet the expectations of the people in the company. Even with Korean. So I really wanted to give up. That’s when I called my dad and we talked. After that, I decided to give it a try. I didn’t care about what people would think about me.

Actually, I asked a lot of advice from Jun.K and Junho, Seulong, Kwon and they really helped me out a lot.

When I started making friends and learned more about Korean culture, I started to feel more at home, more comfortable, more relaxed. That’s when I started to feel like I could try better. I could be better.

I have to be better for the company, for my parents, for myself and my future. That’s when I started training.

You might know the word Pali-pali (빨리빨리) in the Korean culture. Korean people like everything to be fast. They want me to develop within a year or two years so that I can go out and become a singer. At first, I wasn’t used to that. But after a while, I got used to the word pali-pali. And I wanted myself to develop faster than they would expect me to. I pushed myself really hard to become better.

I started with no basic at all and the other people in the company were really good. So I tried to improve myself by not comparing myself to them but comparing myself to me a month before, a day before or a week before.

When I was singing, I would record myself and hear myself whether I sounded bad or good. Of course, it was bad. 

I would sing again, record again, sing again, and record again. I would let the other guys or my teacher listen to my recordings and asked them what I should improve. They would give me tips or pointers on what I am missing or what I should practice on.

With dancing, it’s the same thing. I would film myself or I would dance with my teacher next to me or someone who was really good at dancing next to me. So they can tell me like when I am doing this move, I should be a litter slower or put more feelings into this move. 

That kind of process that I went through to make myself better is not comparing myself with other people. I make everybody in the company to be my teacher. So I can learn a little something from everybody, not just my real teachers but other trainees in the company as well. That’s positive thinking. That’s a really good way to become better if you are trying at anything. 

Let’s say studying. I’m sure even if you are smarter than your friend next to you, I’m sure your friend might know something that you don’t.

So just take this kind of thinking. If you want to improve yourself at something, just think of yourself as not the best at what you’re doing and that people around you are better than you. That way you stay humble. You can learn more and people want to teach you more or want to give you more tips and advice.  

TaecKhun

Back when I couldn’t speak Korean, I had Taecyeon. We would always go around together all the time. I was being lazy. I was being bad because I didn’t want to study. Who wants to study? (laugh)

Some people might want to study but I didn’t want to study. I would take Taec with me around everywhere and he would translate everything for me.

After a while, people in the company started saying you guys can’t be together anymore. You guys have to separate because they wanted me to learn Korean.

The most difficult thing about being a trainee

When I was a trainee, what was difficult? Everything was difficult for me. (smile)

Because I was so bad at everything. What was most difficult was seeing myself not improving fast enough and watching people around me getting better every day. I felt like I wasn’t improving. I was disappointing the company and the person who casted me. And I didn’t want to disappoint my family. 

Apart from all the physical tiredness, the most difficult thing for me was seeing myself not improving and not being able to meet the expectations of the people and the company. I took that as an inspiration, as a motivation for me to get rid of that disappointment and to satisfy the people. I took that as a drive to make me better. 

Nichkhun’s injury

As you know, we do a lot of acrobatics like flipping and doing tumbling. This was before Heartbeat. We were practising our dance break. I was supposed to do this really hard move where Taec threw me and I flipped. Then the guys pulled me up and Chansung would hold me in the air. We were practising that. It was before Heartbeat was released, before we filmed the music video. I hurt my back. At first, I was like Oh it hurts a little bit. Let’s just try one more time and go home. We did it one more time and I couldn’t get up.

The music video was in 2 days and my back didn’t get better by the time I had to film the music video. So I wore this supporter thing on my back and my belly. And I filmed the music video like that. I danced when I couldn’t really walk. So that music video was a really hard day for me and I had to take a lot of painkillers because of the pain. I think that was my first injury that was really bad.

Then I had to film this advertisement commercial where they put me on this wire. And I had to hang in the air for many hours. That was really hurting my back. So after that commercial, I had to go to the hospital and get 6 injections in my spine which was really painful. But then I got better and now I am too old to do acrobatics. (laugh)

We don’t want to get hurt because when we were doing a concert or a show, we would have to be on stage for 3 hours. We don’t want to risk getting hurt halfway through the concerts and not being able to finish the concerts. We want to give you a good performance.

I always take care of myself by going to the gym, and not getting fat. I’m taking vitamins to keep my body ready for the concerts, for doing my schedules all day, all night. So I think from now on, I will try not to get hurt for you guys.

The importance of practice

Now that I think back I know why practising is so important. Now I don’t have time to practice really. I don’t even have time to go to the company, to go to the practice room. I just see how important practice is. Like the sentence that goes: practice makes perfect. Sometimes, before I do a stage, I have to practice a lot. But since I don’t have a lot of time to practice, that reduces my confidence. You need a lot of confidence to be in front of like 5 or 8 thousand people on stage. Now the importance of practice really hits me.

When I think back, I think to myself. I should have practised more. I should have listened to them and be a better trainee. But now that it’s too late, I just have to make do with the time that I have which is not a lot. Now we would finish work at midnight, and we would have to go to the company to practice until maybe 4 am. Then go to sleep and wake up again at 7 or 8 am. That is something that we can’t miss or not do because practice is that important.

About ‘Hot Blood Guys’ 

Before we became 2PM, they wanted us to do a survival reality program on TV to see whether we can work together and be a team. That’s how this program started. At first, we just did photoshoots for the profile pictures. After one episode, they told us that we were going to this island and we were going fishing. So that we can bond, get to know one another, and be a good team. They said we would go for only 1 or 2 nights. We were really excited to go because we never got to go out together as a big group. We were like we are going to have fun and have samgyeopsal party. We are going fishing on a boat.

So we started packing and took a boat ride to this island. That night we really had samgyeopsal party. We split into 2 groups and we did some funny shows for each other. They told us we need to sleep early because we have an early morning tomorrow. We have to catch a boat to go fishing. We slept around 9 to 10 pm. 

I think it was around 6 am when someone opened the door. He blew on his whistle and he was yelling at us to get up and come to the living room. We were really confused about what was going on. We came to the living room and there stood 2 guys who at the time to me looked like soldiers with the red hat.

He threw down this pile of clothes and he was like, Get ready and come out in 5 minutes. We were really confused and asked each other what was going on. So we came out late and he made us run a lot. (laugh) 

That’s what the program was about… whether you can prove yourself to be a man. You can prove yourself that in hard times whether you can work together or not. If one falls, the rest falls. It taught us that lesson. 

In the morning if one of us was late, even if it was snowing, the 2 soldiers made us take off our shirts and run in the snow which was really cold. That was the punishment for making a mistake. 

If we were to become a team, that is not really an option to make. Like I said if one goes down, the rest goes down. So we would have to be careful with everything that we do.

When I was doing that program, it was really hard for us. But now that we think about it, it was a really good lesson for all of us. 

Survive in the industry

After Hot Blood Guys, they determined who would be 2PM. We became a group. But then I don’t think we celebrated it because we haven’t started anything. We were still just nobody, just trainees. We still had a long way to go. We would have to select a title song. We would have to practice a routine for it. We would have to film the music video and shoot the album jacket.

At the time, we were actually worried whether we could make it to the top and whether we could survive in this industry. At the time, there was TVXQ, Rain, Big Bang and a lot of competitions out there. We didn’t even think about being as good as them. We just wanted to be somewhat recognised for our work. We looked up to those people as our idols. They work so hard to be where they are. We have to work hard as a team to get to that point one day which we didn’t even know if we were going to get there or how long it would take. It might take 5 or 10 years. It might not even happen. So more than happy, it was more of a scary thought to be in that position. So many stars and groups came out thinking that they would make it. But then a lot of them never really made it. It’s really sad because I know how hard people work to become a group. It’s just a very harsh environment because not everybody can become a star.

Nichkhun’s Opinions about Other 2PM’s Members

- Wooyoung would have to be the funniest guy. Wooyoung makes everyone in the group laugh. When we were really stressed out and tired, he actually made us really lively, and bright and laugh. He makes the atmosphere better.

- Taecyeon is like a manager for the group. When we have something to say to the head manager or Jin-young hyung, he would gather our ideas and thoughts on the subject and he would say, Ok. I will talk to him for you. - Jun.K now has become the producer of our group. He’s very talented. He has found his passion for music and now he has become a full-time producer for our group, for himself, and for other people too. I’m really proud of him that he found his passion for that. - Junho is like a little boy. Very playful. Very curious. He’s one of those guys who want to try everything. He’s now doing producing, acting, and his solo albums and concerts. He’s a young kid who’s trying to make the most of what he has right now, of his fame right now. So I really admire him for that. - Even though Chansung is the youngest one, he doesn’t look like it. Sometimes I feel like I should call him hyung. Not only because of his looks, but he likes to read a lot. And that’s really good and cool of him. Reading really gives you a lot of ideas and really makes you mature and makes you a better person. You know more from reading. He would say a lot of meaningful words. He would say a lot of things with reasons. That’s why I said maybe sometimes I should call him hyung because he has a lot of reasons. He doesn’t really get mad a lot. He knows how to explain every situation. He knows how other people feel. And he knows why they act the way they act. This is a good thing. We have a bit of everything in our group. Sometimes I would complain and some other guys in the group would say, No. This happens because of this. Or sometimes the other guys would say something and I would be like, It happens for a reason or it happens because of this reason.

As a group, I think we are really strong because our friendship and our teamwork has never once died down. We have always been a really good team, good support towards each other. I think that’s what’s really important about a group of workers or a group of friends. You trust each other. You have faith in each other. You support each other no matter what, through good times and bad times, and hard times. Even though one of us makes a mistake, it doesn’t matter. We are still a family and we still support each other. We still say positive things and make sure that everything is going to be ok. That’s what makes a good team and I think 2PM has that. And I’m really proud and happy to be a part of 2PM.

One of the hardest things of becoming 2PM

After we became 2PM and we made a debut, we went through a lot of struggles and a lot of hard time actually. We worked really hard to prove ourselves that we are a good team and that we can always be better. We have a lot of good fans. Thanks to a lot of support from our fans all over the world and a good team, I think we were able to break the ice, to come out of the shell, and be popular.

During that time it took a lot of effort. We would want to be better by doing acrobatics. People would get hurt like Junho got hurt from trying to make a better performance. I think what’s important about being a celebrity or being a performer is that you always have to be better. You can’t stay still. You can’t do the same thing over and over or your fans and the viewers are going to get bored. The trend keeps changing. The trend changes so fast nowadays that we have to catch up with the trend. We have to be the trendsetters. We have to always be two steps ahead of the trend. We have to create new things, new performances, new stages for you guys and for the viewers. What’s really hard about my job is to always come up with something that people haven’t done before. It’s more like gambling because with work like music and movies, you never know what people are going to like or what people aren’t going to like. Sometimes this song sounds really good to me. This dance looks really good to me. I think it’s going to work. But when it comes out, people might not like it. Sometimes it hurts me because we have put a lot of sweat, work, and effort into this album. But when it comes out, people don’t really like it. So it’s hard because you can’t predict what’s going to become a big hit or what’s not. What people are going to like or what people aren’t going to like. I think one of the hardest things of becoming 2PM is to always discover the undiscoverable which is what will be popular.   

My Fans

My fans are really nice. When I was filming my drama in Xiamen, my fans would come out to see me film. At first, I was really worried it might be a problem because of the camera angle. You guys might be in the camera. But on the first day I arrived at the set, my fans were all lined up and they were really quiet. When I was filming, they would stay quiet and they would not interfere with my filming.

I think I really have the nicest and the loveliest fans in the world. So thank you all for that.

If you ask me which is the most impressive days I have ever met my fans, like you said, every time is very impressive. The way that you give me love… it feels like I can never return the same love that you guys give me. So I guess by working harder, by being in more dramas, singing more songs, or doing more concerts, that’s how I return my love to you. So always and forever I thank you guys.

For you guys to give me something, it takes a lot of thoughts. It takes a lot of love and care for you to actually go out to buy something to give me or to write even a letter.

For me, I always told my fans that don’t buy me anything expensive. If you were to buy me anything expensive, just spend that money for a charity or donation, or something to help the people that really need this money. And my fans really do listen to me. They would go out and donate something and they would send me the certification paper to show me that they did this under my name or the fan club’s name. I’m really thankful to have such lovely fans that actually want to do that for me.

As for gifts, every gift is lovely. I thank you for giving me all the gifts, letters, candies, food, and drinks. Even the littlest gift shows me that you guys love me. All the gifts are the same to me which is love from you guys. I wouldn’t say that because this gift is more expensive than this one, I like this one more or this one is more impressive. No. Everything is the same. It just means love from you guys.

I don’t really want to compare the girls from this country and the girls from that country. I think that my fans all around the world are all the same because you love one person. To love the same person means you have the same heart. Even in the same country, we all have different personalities and different ways of living your life. I don’t want to say all girls are the same. I just want to say the girls who love me are all the same to me in my eyes.

I don’t want to be fake to you.

I think a part of this job, like being on stage, is to put on an act. Like when you sing a song, you have to act with the song. If the song is a strong, manly song, then you would have to act manly. Or if it’s a soft love song, then you would have to act like you are in love. If it’s a cute song, you would have to act cute.

But when I’m not on stage, or when I’m not acting in front of the camera, as you all might know, I take myself really just lightly. I like to be natural. You know I don’t really care what I dress. (smile)

And I don’t have any requirements of the ways I conduct myself in front of the public or when I’m not working. As long as it’s appropriate, I do whatever that’s natural, comfortable, and convenient to me.

You don’t like me to be fake, right? You don’t like fake people and I don’t want to be fake to you guys. So I try my best to be natural when I’m in front of you guys.

I do believe in love at first sight.

I do believe in love at first sight, especially when you are in a situation like Zhang Hao. He’s in a foreign country. He’s travelling alone and this beautiful girl is travelling alone. When they meet, of course, it’s going to spark something. When you see someone beautiful or someone handsome, you would be attracted to that person instantly. 

So I do believe that this kind of love can happen. But the question of this drama is can this love at first sight or this first love work out. Love can happen at any time, with anybody. But because of the difference in personalities or the situations that are given, sometimes love does not work out. And sometimes it works out in a different way that you don’t expect it to. That’s what this drama is all about. It talks about love and friendship. Friendship pretty much will last forever. Will love last?

When I lose weight, that really bothers me.

As a 2PM, the beastly idol, we always have to be muscular. We always have to be in shape which means we can’t be either skinny or fat. And by me not gaining weight, it really stresses me out. Then I have to eat like six meals a day which is like twice more than other guys. And I don’t have time to eat because I’m always working. When I lose weight, that really bothers me.

But then I would have to go to the gym. Since I don’t gain fat, I would have to gain muscles. So I would go to the gym and work out… so that I can take off my shirt for you guys. Not now. (laugh)

[Transcription by Daffodil0624]

MAY BE TAKEN OUT WITH PROPER CREDITS

[fearlesssam95]

Taylor Swift time!!!

I became a Swiftie around the same time she was on tour with the Jonas Brothers. Once I heard Teardrops on My Guitar on the radio, it forever changed my life. I bought every CD on each release day and would just lock myself in my room crying to songs or jamming out. Since she had been bullied, I felt I had a special connection with her. I also felt like I could relate to her lyrics because of how many relationship problems I encountered throughout the years. Luckily, nowadays, I relate to more of the happy love songs than the sad love songs.

I became kind of obsessed with her music. I would even dress up on the days her CD’s came out so when people asked why, I could tell them to go buy her new CD.

I have been to 11 Taylor Swift concerts and honestly if I could afford it, I would have gone to a lot more at this point. That first concert I went to I was completely hooked. So hooked I made my mom drive me 4 hours to Cincinnati so I could see another show.

My love for her and her music just kept growing. I skipped my freshman year homecoming in high school just so I could go to her concert. That was my first Taylor Swift concert. I have two brothers, Matt & Justin. Justin went to homecoming that night, so Matt was “stuck” taking me to the concert. At the time he wasn’t much of a fan, but now, even 10 years later, he is absolutely OBSESSED. I would like to think that it’s my fault, lol.

The concert dates I have been to include:

Fearless Tour:

October 3, 2009 in Cleveland, Ohio (I went with Matt)

March 28, 2010 in Cincinnati, Ohio (I went with my mom because I begged her to buy me tickets for my birthday February 6)

Speak Now World Tour:

July 30, 2011 in Cleveland, Ohio (I went with Matt and his friend Brad)

Red World Tour:

April 25, 2013 (I went with my friend Rebecca. We had seats up in the 200 sections, but some other friends at the concert went to Guest Services and told them it was my birthday and asked if they could have their seats moved so they could sit with Rebecca and I. They actually moved all of us to a 100 section right next to the stage. It was one of the best nights of my life. Matt couldn’t go because he was in college and it close to finals week.)

May 8, 2013 in Columbus, Ohio (Matt wanted to go to a concert, so I just HAD to go with him and Brad again! It was becoming a tradition lol)

July 6, 2013 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (Honestly we just wanted to go to one last concert… lol)

1989 World Tour:

June 3, 2015 in Cleveland Ohio (I went with my friend Courtney, and Matt and Brad. Unfortunately Matt & Brad had to sit separate from us because they wouldn’t allow us to buy 4 handicapped accessible seats together)

June 6, 2015 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (I went with my best friend at the time Alexis, Matt, and Brad. This was also the first concert I dressed up for! Pics later)

September 7, 2015 in Columbus, Ohio (Matt bought tickets the day of… It was literally a last minute thing because it was close and we wanted to see her again. I was at school in Dayton, he was at home in Cleveland. We both drove to Columbus and met up so we could go to the concert together!)

reputation World Tour:

July 7, 2018 in Columbus, Ohio (Matt went to college to be an Air Traffic Controller. He finally got into the Academy last summer. He was sent to Oklahoma City for about 5 months. This was the only close concert that was on a Saturday so he could fly from Oklahoma City to Columbus. His girlfriend drove alone a day early to spend some time with him, and Rich drove me down the next day. Matt, his girlfriend Tess, and I went to the concert together. We dressed up of course and made tons of signs! Pics again will come later. Special shoutout to Rich because he drove me to Columbus, got breakfast with Matt, Tess and I, drove back to Cleveland because he had tickets to the Indians game the same day, then drove back to Columbus that night to pick me up after the concert)

July 18, 2018 in Cleveland, Ohio (This was Taylor’s first show at Browns Stadium and I really wanted Rich to experience a Taylor Swift concert, so him and I went. Matt was still in Oklahoma City, unfortunately, and it was a Wednesday night so he had class both the day of and the next day)

 Matt has been to two more concerts without me (mostly because I couldn’t afford any more). He went with his girlfriend Tess, our other brother Justin, and his girlfriend Kelsey to the concert in Indianapolis, Indiana on September 15, 2018. This was during his break from graduating the Academy and before he was sent out to California for training. This concert was kind of ruined for him, however, because he got a call that our friend Tony had committed suicide. It was a rough time for all of us. I wish I could’ve been there with him when he got the news. Thank god Tess and Justin were.

The other time Matt saw Taylor without me was this Summer in LA. He currently lives in Tracy, California. His girlfriend is still in school, but she went out to live with him for the summer. They drove 5 hours down to LA just to see Taylor Swift perform at the Wango Tango concert. I still am so jealous!

[beholdthemem]

Singing headcanon for Sal, Larry, and Ash?

@flazingbire

(You are a wonderful person and I do not deserve you, thank you so much for asking, and for your patience, I am. So sorry.)

We got one for Sal over here so! Larry-an’-Ash!

15: Singing headcanon

Weirdly enough, the only people in the group with anything even loosely resembling musical training. It is a VERY loose resemblance, though, because what it amounted to was a single semester of third period choir and fourth period chorus in seventh grade. Neither of them wanted to be there.

Despite taking the discovery that there would be no getting out of it with spectacularly bad grace, (Nowhere on the electives list for that semester did anyone mention that Art meant Performing Art rather than painting and pottery) they both made an effort, and did manage to learn a few things. The experience culminated in an event that grew to live in infamy at Nockfell Junior High, referred to only as The 1992 Christmas Concert Incident and involved a violent allergic reaction, a debatably viable threat on the life of a former president, one inter-faculty fistfight, two months of in-school suspension, and forty-seven letters of apology.

Larry, who only enjoys disasters that can’t be traced back to him, has been trying to wipe that day from his memory for over ten years. Ash, meanwhile, has a soft spot for chaos and told the story every Christmas until he arm-twisted her into letting it die.

Larry can sing well, but usually opts for the screeching of the damned shit that features prevelantly in the music he listens to. To be perfectly fair, he does that well too- it’s just that nobody who isn’t already well versed in metal would be able to tell. Lisa doesn’t care for it, but despite the occasional dry comment, never criticizes. Larry finds this both very sweet and really funny, because he can tell there are times- especially when he goes out of his way to be particularly obnoxious about it- that she’s extremely tempted. It’s like weird Garcia-Johnson family teasing, Larry does his screaming, Lisa tolerates it with a certain amount of visible eye-twitching, and then when he’s finished, she comes up with some sort of dry compliment that could purposely be interpreted either way. “It defies description.”

They do sing along to the radio together, though. Usually in Spanish. Larry knew all the words to her favorite songs long before he was fluent.

I can never decide on a voice for any of the characters cuz I’m an indecisive bitch and every time I hear a decent cover a of a song I think fits one of them I’m like ‘ooh, that’s what [INSERT HORSEMAN HERE] sounds like! No, wait, found a new cover, never mind, they sound like THIS-’ but for the moment, I imagine Ash’s singing voice sounding something like this, and her speaking voice being Cassandra Lee Morris a la Toradora. She forever sounds a bit younger than she actually is.

She is delighted to publicly serenade people in the most embarrassingly theatrical and over the top fashion possible, is the first to initiate Bohemian Rhapsody during late night drives, sings every Green Day song ever written when home alone (complete with exaggerated rock growls), but the second she’s put on the spot, she freezes up. It’s all fun and games when you’re singing to make someone laugh, or out of the sheer joy of being alive, but once there’s pressure to be good, she panics. She’s got limited faith in her own abilities, and that makes her psych herself out. Your best bet on hearing her sing properly is if she doesn’t know she has an audience.

Hums to herself when she’s nervous to give herself something else to think about, and sings under her breath while she’s working on a project. Sal has at least one memory of waking up to her working on the Little Dudes and quietly singing old Russian pop songs after he unknowingly fell asleep on her shoulder.

(And if he kept pretending to be asleep just to stay there a little while longer, well, that’s nobody’s business but his. Shut up.)

[killerxqween]

Waking Up In Vegas- Ben Hardy x Reader One-Shot

Summary: It’s you’re 21st birthday and to celebrate, you, you’re boyfriend Ben, and you’re closest friends all go to Las Vegas to celebrate. You know that this trip is going to be a wild ride full of surprises, but you were not prepared for the surprises you would wake up to the day after your birthday. 

Warnings: FILTHY SMUT (wrap up before you shack up!), CUTE ASS FLUFF THAT’LL MAKE YOUR HEART MELT, VERY LONG FIC BUT SO MUCH ADORABLE CONTENT

I haven't edited this lol so sorry if there is any spelling errors, etc...This was a long one guys! I hope you guys enjoy this one! It’s everything from fluffy to funny to incredibly filthy. This idea came to me right now, with the help of a bunch of friends of course! I’ll be tagging them at the end of this, so make sure to give them a follow if you don't already. Make sure to follow me for more one-shots, fits, and posts about Queen, BoRhap cast, and other rock and roll artists! Besitos, my lovelies ❤️ -Dani 👑

Twenty-one. Holy shit. You’ve been alive for twenty-one years now.

Celebrating your 21st birthday has always been a major milestone, and now it was your turn. You finally get to drink without worrying about being underage, you get to go to clubs, and of course you get to go to casinos. And that’s exactly how you would be spending the next week; in clubs, casinos, and bars, drinking and partying until you fell to the floor. Yes, you would be going to the booziest of boozy places; you were going to Las Vegas with your boyfriend of 2 years, Ben Hardy and your best friends. 

But it’s not like you hadn’t drank and partied before. You were just celebrating that you could now drink in your home country. Since your wonderful boyfriend was from the UK, that meant that you spent most of your time there with him, drinking and partying the weekends away. But now, you would be doing that in Vegas, and you were really excited for what the week would hold. Especially after Ben told you that he had a very big surprise for you. 

---------After arriving in Vegas---------

You and your group of friends were in the lobby of the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, waiting to get to your rooms as quick as possible so you could start your birthday adventures. 

You were holding Ben’s hand while both of you looked around, until one of your best friend’s (and practically Ben’s other lover) Joe Mazzello walked up to you both. 

“Guys this place is so cool, I’m actually shocked I never stayed here before! It’s quite fitting actually, that we’re staying in this place. There’s no one more hard rock then us.” Joe said excitedly. He really did look like an excited puppy sometimes. You saw Ben visibly cringe at Joe’s final comment, though and you laughed lightly. 

“That was the cheesiest and stupidest thing I've ever heard, Joe.” Ben said.

“You just hate me ‘cuz you can’t be me” Joe sassed back, with mock attitude and flipped his non-existent hair over his shoulder while walking away. 

“Awwww Ben look, you just made your boyfriend mad” you said, mocking him even more. You adored Ben and Joe’s relationship, they truly were the perfect definition of best friends. You were so glad to consider them all best friends. 

Soon enough the rooms were ready. You knew that everyone had went all out for your birthday, but you didn't know that they had rented out the most expensive suite in the hotel, the Penthouse Real World Suite. 

Everyone walked into the room before you. First, Rami and Lucy, then Gwil followed by Joe, then Allen and your childhood best friend Victoria, your boyfriend Ben, and finally you, with guidance from Ben since he had put a blindfold on you. 

You walked in slowly while Ben held your hand and guided you in the direction towards the room. 

“Ben I swear, if I bump into anything, I’m suing.”

“Babe, never in a million years would I let you get hurt.” he replied sweetly. You smiled and heard Joe scoff mockingly towards you two, playing along with the ‘jealous boyfriend’ role that he had taken upon himself of playing. Everyone in the room laughed at Joe’s reaction, making you and Ben smile, even if you couldn’t see him. 

“alright, love. Im going to take your blindfold off in 3... 2...”

Everyone shouts “ONE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Y/N)!!!” 

You look around and tears prickled at the rim of your eyes. The suite had been decorated with banners congratulating you, table decor that said happy birthday, and much more. These people had went out of their way to give you an amazing birthday and you couldn’t be happier. 

Gwilym saw your tears start to fall before anyone else, since Ben had went around thanking everyone for coming and for helping. Gwil came over to you and gave you a heartwarming hug. 

“Ben went out of his way for your birthday. He got all of us and some staff to come and decorate while you and Victoria were at the lounge. He really loves you, we all do. Happy birthday, kiddo.” Gwil gave you a small peck on your forehead. He truly was one of the sweetest men you had ever met in your life.

“Thank you Gwilly, this means so much. You all mean so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you all. I love you guys” You said as tears fell while giving Gwil another embrace. 

Ben finally came up to you and smiled at Gwil while mouthing a “thank you” to him. Ben wrapped his arms around you and you took in his scent. He really was the love of your life. 

“I hope you like it, baby. This is only the beginning, but I worked really hard to make sure everyth-”

You cut him off with a passionate kiss on the lips. He kissed back and wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you close. Your hands were around his neck, bringing his head closer to your own. He was like a drug, and you could never stop taking him in. You adored this man with a burning passion. You worshiped him. 

Everyone ‘awed’ at you both, admiring how adorable you both were. Even Joe couldn't help but smile at how happy his best friend was, no matter how much the messed with him. You both pulled apart and you snuggled into his chest.

You looked at everyone and said “Thank you everyone for coming, really. I couldn’t be anymore thankful than I am right now. This means so much you guys. I love you all.” Everyone cheered and shouted “I love you’s” back.

You let go of Ben so he could go speak to the boys while Lucy approached you. 

“Hey girl. Everyone is going to go to their rooms to start unpacking and getting ready for tonight. You better go and start getting dressed. I’ll help you too, I want you to look perfect, being the birthday girl and all.” Lucy said with a beautiful smile on her face.

You hugged Lucy and thanked her. “What would I do without you, Luce?”

“Probably perish. Now get your butt into your room and start getting ready for a week’s worth of festivities!!!”

-----THAT NIGHT (WEDNESDAY)-----

You all went to the casino and ordered a shit ton of drinks. You all got extremely wasted while gambling. You also hit a jackpot, call it birthday luck or whatever the sort, but you were so happy.

-----THURSDAY NIGHT-----

You and Lucy went to see Magic Mike Live. You were both flustered by the amount of good-looking men giving you a show but, no one compared to Ben in your eyes. He was perfect.

Afterwards, you all went around Vegas, looking for places to go and see and for places that seemed intriguing. Joe had found a place that sold giant burgers and forced everyone to go in there. You didn’t mind though, you were happy. 

-----FRIDAY NIGHT-----

You all went to the Wet Republic Pool Party at MGM Grand. It was extremely crowded but fun. You all got wasted again and swam around like there was no tomorrow. 

That night you also went to see Lady Gaga in concert during her Enigma show. You and Ben sang along to LoveGame while making out for most of the concert while everyone else was dancing to the music and singing along.

-----SATURDAY NIGHT, YOUR BIRTHDAY (shit gets good now)-----

It was finally the weekend, and as great as the the rest of the week had been, you were excited about tonight. 

Ben had gotten everyone VIP Passes into XS Las Vegas, a very exclusive nightclub that was very difficult to get into. 

When it wast time to leave, you checked your appearance in the mirror one more time. 

You had put on a black chain backless dress that was very low-cut. It accentuated every curve and every nook on your body, making you feel sexy. You had put on a diamond choker to match and some silver heels. You knew that your outfit would drive Ben crazy, and you were excited. 

“Girl you look amazing as always” Said Vicky, she had always been there for you since you were little girls.

“Thanks Vic, you look gorgeous too.” You said back 

Ben was already waiting in the car with Gwilym and Joe because Allen had taken  a shower later than everyone else, while Rami and Lucy had went to go get ready together. But the moans you heard from their room said otherwise. 

Once you finally left the hotel and got to the car, the driver opened the door for you. The door opened to reveal a very dapper looking Ben, wearing a sheer shirt, similar to the one he wore to the Bohemian Rhapsody Premiere, except in a instead of it being a solid black color, it had patterns on it, bringing more attention to your boyfriend’s rock hard abs. You gulped, and Ben just examined your body from head to toe and smirked.  

(for Ben’s outfit: https://goo.gl/images/DqDYD8 )

(for your outfit: https://goo.gl/images/4nyRhf )

---at the club---

Once you got to the club, the driver opened the door and Ben took your hand to help you out of the car. You and the gang all went to the VIP entrance and got in fairly quickly. 

And from that point on, that night had become the craziest night of your life. 

The minute everyone stepped foot in the club, they all disappeared to different places in the room. Gwil and Allen went to the bar, Rami and Lucy went to a corner of the room to have some more ‘privacy’, and Joe decided to embody Disco Deaky by going straight onto the dance floor. 

Ben took your head and lead you to the private booth that had been reserved for your group. You sat with him and he ordered you both drinks. As you sat there, Ben looked into your eyes, sending love from his soul to yours. 

“How are you enjoying your birthday so far, love?” He asked. There was love in his eyes, but they were mixed with something a bit darker.  

“It’s been incredible Ben! It’s been the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I'm so happy you did this all for me. I love you.” You said sincerely. He smiled and brought you in for a kiss. 

As the kiss progressed though, you felt his emotions change from one of love to one of hunger. He added more intensity into the kiss, making it feel more passionate and more lustful. Soon after he pushed his tongue into your mouth.You both fought for dominance in a war of passion and love that resided in your mouth. He won of course, and explored your mouth with his tongue. You felt yourself get warmer. That feeling was like a snake that traveled from the top until it came down to your core. 

You felt yourself get wetter under Ben’s touch. His kiss was a spell that you couldn’t break. His lips detached from yours and attacked your neck, leaving sweet kisses and marks. You sighed, enjoying the feeling of being close to him. Soon, his fingers slowly moved from your waist down to your thighs. He moved his hands up you thighs slowly, making sure you were comfortable. You said nothing, but instead put a kiss to his lips as a confirmation. 

He moved his hand stealthily towards your core, moving his hand under the dress. He pushed the lacy thong you wore to the side and slid his fingers into your core. You felt his fingers move up and down each of your folds, until he rested his pointer finger on your clit. He moved his finger in such a way so you could feel every pleasurable sensation. You moaned softly, since you were in a club and you didn’t want people to see what you two were up to. Soon after, he used both his pointer and middle finger to rub you. He moved his fingers around at a pleasurable pace, making you moan even more. Then he moved those fingers down, and pushed his fingers into you. He pumped them in and out and a slow pace first, then moving to a quicker pace. He added his ring finger shortly after, and you gasped. Ben then attached his lips to yours, in order to keep you quiet. 

While the booth you were in was private, it was kind of thrilling knowing that your boyfriend was finger fucking you in a public place. But you were also slightly paranoid that someone would walk in on you both. 

“Fuck Ben.. y-you need to stop. Someone could walk in” You said, still moaning due to him pumping his fingers in and out of you. 

But instead of stopping, he used his other hand to rub your clit once again. This made you moan even louder. 

“Let someone walk in, let them see how fucking hot you are under my touch” he whispered in your ear, growling the words at the end of his sentence. This just made you moan more. 

“You’re so wet, babe” He said in your ear again. He kissed you roughly, getting aroused by your reactions to his touch. 

But suddenly, he stopped and pulled his fingers away. And now you were confused, and slightly angry because you were just about to reach your high. 

“Why the fuck did you-” 

“Hello, I’m sorry about the delay, there was a mixup with drink orders. Here are your shots of tequila and your Margaritas” The waiter said, interrupting you. You understood why Ben had stopped, but it also made you giggle a bit considering what he said earlier. 

“That’s why I stopped.” Ben said, taking a sip of the margarita. You laughed even more. 

“Why is that funny?” Ben asked.

“What happened to ‘let them walk in on me finger fucking you’?” You asked laughing more. 

“Heat of the moment I guess. But keep laughing at me and I won’t give you something to to look forward to later.” That sentence immediately made you stop laughing. You smirked instead and said “sorry, baby”, giving Ben a chaste kiss. 

You both downed all the alcohol on the table and thats when you fucked up. You wouldn't remember most of the events following the drinks you took.

Gwilym, Joe, and Allen came to the table arguing loudly about who was the best member of Queen. You and Ben left to go to the dance floor. You grinded on him to the beat of the music, as he grabbed your waist and pulled you close. Eventually, you did find Rami and Lucy, who were making out in the middle of the dance floor. They soon left to join the table. Vicky was chatting up a guy she met. 

Even more drinks later, you felt the need to go to the bathroom. You stumbled into the stalls and did your business. You walked out, still completely shit-faced, and washed your hands. You stared into the mirror and laughed at yourself due to how bad your makeup had smudged. But you stopped laughing when you heard the bathroom door open. 

There, in the women’s bathroom, stood your boyfriend Ben Hardy, accompanied by a drunk Joe Mazzello and Gwilym Lee. Ben stumbled into the bathroom, giggling along with the other two boys. 

Be walked right up to you and gave you a kiss on the lips. You kissed him back and laughed. The boys that stood behind Ben laughed as well, knowing something that you didn't. 

“B-ben... what the f-uck are you doin’” you asked, slurring and messing up your words. 

Ben giggles some more. “(Y/N) I-I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND I W-WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.” He yelled loudly into the bathroom. You covered your ears and yelled “ow!” Ben stopped yelling and replied with “sorry, baby”.

“Anyways.. what was I saying? Oh r-right.... (y/n), I fuckin’ love you and I want to be with you forever, baby. I was gonna do this t-tomorrow but I couldn’t wait so... (y/f/n)... Will you m-marry me-e?” Ben asked, getting down on one knee, but almost failing to do so from how drunk he was. 

Yes, you’re boyfriend just asked you to marry him in the middle of the bathroom while being completely wasted. And how did you reply? 

You started ugly crying “oh-oh my god Ben yes I will baby I lo-love you so much” you said, stumbling towards him to hug him. You saw Joe and Gwil clap sloppily, Joe slightly leaning on Gwil because he was about to pass out.

“WAIT!” He said, putting his hand out to stop you from coming closer. 

“What is it?” You asked, afraid that his drunk ass might be joking.

“I forgot to give you your ring” He said, in an obvious tone, rolling his eyes dramatically. Ben shoved his fingers into his pockets looking around for a ring. 

And the ring he gave you was the best ring drunk you could ever receive. 

He gave you a ring pop with a blue candy diamond in the center. 

You squealed after he put it on you and hugged him. Then you gasped loudly, coming up with a wonderful idea. 

“Ben! Why don’t we get married right now!!!”

“OH MY GOD YES”

So you, Ben, and Joe left the club at 2 in the morning, got in a cab, and went to the nearest chapel go get you and Ben married. Joe had decided to tag along because he wanted to be best man. So you bought a $5 wedding veil from the chapel gift shop and got married. 

-----SUNDAY/The Next Day-----

You woke up naked with your head pounding, unaware of where you were. You looked around and your eyes widened.

You were in your suite at Hard Rock but there were balloons that said “Congratulations Newlyweds!”, “Bride and Groom”, and other phrases related to the subject. There was a veil that had the $5 price tag still stuck to it, a bouquet of roses scattered on the floor that looked like they were in desperate need of water, and of course, the half eaten ring pop on your ring finger which had lint and other small particles stuck to it. 

You frantically looked for your phone to see if you could confirm your suspicions, and when you found it, you opened your phone to see 34 unread messages. The older ones were from your friends congratulating you on your engagement. The newer ones were congratulating you on your marriage to Ben. Then there was a whole essay from a drunk Joe, congratulating you both but also saying he was mad you stole his boyfriend. You sucked in a breath and widened your eyes.

“oh my god, I got married on my birthday in Vegas” you whispered.

You turned your head to look at Ben, who was deep asleep and also naked. He was snoring lightly and looked so peaceful.

“Ben is my husband.” you said, still in shock.

You opened your phone and checked your picture gallery. You had over 20 videos, all filmed by either Joe or Gwilym, from your engagement in the bathroom to your wedding at the chapel. You watched each one and cringed at how drunk everyone was.

You really did get engaged and married. 

You didn’t mind the idea of getting married to Ben though, you just hate that it was while drunk in Vegas.

Soon Ben started waking up, slightly stirring around until he fully turned his body towards you and opened your eyes. 

“Hello beautiful, my head hurts.” He said, looking like the Greek God that he is. He then saw the worry in your face and asked what was wrong. He ten saw he was naked and asked “Did we fuck last night?” You laughed.

“Yeah, babe that wasn’t the only thing we did last night.” You said with shock still present in your voice.

“What did we kill someone? Did we have a little Bonnie and Clyde moment?” He asked and smirked while leaning up to kiss you. 

“Ben, look around.” You said seriously this time. 

He looked around at the balloons, veil, bouquet, and ring. Apparently he was somehow still drunk because he still didn't understand. He looked at you in confusion.

“Oh my god, Ben we got engaged and we got married last night” you said, showing him the video of him proposing in the bathroom. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. Then you scrolled to the next video, showing him the one of you in the chapel. His jaw dropped even further and you laughed. 

“Oh my god. Yo-you’re my wife?” He asked with a tone of fear.

“Yeah I am, is being married to me that bad?” You said with a laugh. He didn’t laugh though, instead he ran a hand through his hair then down his face, signaling that he was stressed. 

“Babe, I know that this is stupid but I didn't think it was that ba-” 

“It’s not bad babe, its just...” He sighed again. You were afraid that maybe he didn’t want to take the next step into marriage with you, and was mad that you both did while intoxicated. 

“I guess I just have to say it. (Y/N), I was going to ask for your hand in marriage during you Birthday celebration, in fact, I was going to do it today during our date. But the fact that we already were engaged and are now married put my whole plan out of the loop” Ben said, disappointed since his plan has been ruined. You on the other hand, were happy. He was going to ask you to marry him, today in fact. 

You kissed him deeply. “Ben, baby. Don’t let our stupid actions get in the way of your plans. I love you. I would get engaged to you and marry you a million times. We can still get married and get engaged, we just do it properly this time, and not while drunk.” You said laughing. 

“You’re right” He said as he got up. “But my big birthday surprise for you was going to be over dinner. But that plan has been spoiled, and so has the surprise. So I'm going to say this right here, right now.”

Ben got out a little black jewelry box from his coat pocket and got down on one knee while still naked. 

“(Y/N), I love you. From the minute I saw you I loved you. I don’t know where I would be without your love and support. You make my grey skies a vibrant blue. You are the brightest star in my sky. I love you to the moon and back and I always will. That is why I was so fussy about getting married. Because you deserve the best. So I know this setting isn't perfect but, I feel the timing is perfect so” Ben opened the box to reveal the most beautiful ring. 

“Will you (y/f/n), make me the happiest man alive and be my wife...even though you technically already are my wife?”

You felt tears sting your eyes. 

“Yes” you said wholeheartedly.

Ben put the ring on your finger and kissed you passionately. His hands cupped your cheek while yours wrapped around his muscular back. Soon the kiss became needier, hungrier. 

His tongue swirled around with yours, reminding you of last night’s very lustful agenda which was one of the few things that you could remember clearly. The thought of it got you hot and bothered. His hands moved from your face down to your waist, where he started gripping roughly with his hands, making you moan into the kiss. He then brought his hands down to your bare ass and gave it a squeeze. He then started kissing your neck, this time leaving actual marks and bruises compared to the ones from last night. You sighed and moaned, letting yourself expose your neck more so he could have more access. 

Hands still on your ass, Ben pushed you even closer to him, your bodies molding together like clay. His head started moving down from your neck to your collarbone, then down to your breasts. He started kissing around the beautiful mounds of flesh until he took a nipple into his mouth and started sucking and biting. You moaned louder this time at the action, which made him grab the other nipple and he started pinching and squeezing. 

“I love you, wife” He said against your breast. 

“I love you too, husband” you breathlessly replied back. He got back up, gave you a kiss and started pushing you back towards the bed. Once your legs made contact with the bed frame, he lightly pushed you back so you were laying on your back. 

“Let me show you how much I love you” He whispered lovingly into your ear, leaving a small kiss on your earlobe, then on your cheek, then on your forehead, on your nose, and on your lips.

He moved his head down, kissing your body as he went. He kissed your collarbone, the valley between your breasts, your stomach and then your hip bones. Once he was almost face to face with your center, he kissed your thighs and bit lightly as he got closer. He then moved his mouth a kissed your soaking center. He moved his tongue strategically through your folds, feeling every beautiful sensation. He swirled his tongue around your center, making you moan. Your breathing was jagged and your lips were parted as he flicked your clit around with his tongue. You moaned an even more pornographic sound when he started sucking and lightly biting the little ball of nerves. 

You felt like you were on cloud nine, he held your waist in such a delicate manner, as if you were a flower that was about to fall apart in his hands. He used the other hand to pump his fingers into you; starting with one, then two, then three fingers, and that’s when you felt the rush. You spread your legs as wide as you could, one hand gripping his hair, while the other was intertwined with the hand on your waist. You grinded into his touch to get more friction. 

“oh Ben, fuck” you moaned at the feeling. 

Ben hummed a bit to add even more vibrations and thats when you felt your orgasm washing over you. He pumped his fingers even more to help you. You arched your back as he kept eating you out like you were his holy feast and felt your orgasm hit. You moaned his name loudly and your body started to spasm. Ben kept his arm around you to help you stop spasming and brought his lips up to yours. 

He kissed you with a love and desire, and you tasted yourself on his tongue, making you want him more. 

“I'm so happy that you’re my wife right now. I love you so much. I can’t wait to get remarried” Ben said. You smiled at him and give him a light peck.

“I love you too, you’re my one and only, Ben.” You whispered lightly to him. 

“Let me make love to you then” he whispered in your ear.

“You already are” You said to him. He kissed you with passion and forcefulness and started to position himself at your entrance. He started teasing you with his dick, and you just whined. 

“If you keep being impatient then we’re going to have to play a different game” He said seductively. Usually you were one to love Ben’s ‘games’, but right now you just wanted him. 

“Ben please, I need you, love” you said desperately. His eyes changed from one of mischief and lust to one of love just from hearing that sentence. So he carefully pushed himself into you, making sure to not hurt you in any way. 

“Is this alright” He said in his beautiful English accent that you adore.

“Yes, its more than alright” you replied back. Slowly, he started pulling out and pushing back in. He kept doing this until he kept up a good thrusting rhythm. 

“Fuck” Ben groaned making you moan.

He kept doing that until he lifted your leg and put it on his shoulder to get deeper into you.

“Oh fuck baby, thats so good” you moaned loudly. Ben kept thrusting in that position, getting quicker while groaning in the process. 

You felt your second orgasm of the day wash over you, and you felt it come closer when Ben started rubbing your clit with his fingers. 

“I-I’m so close babe” you said, moaning breathlessly. You were a sweaty, hot mess but you enjoyed every second. You soon hit your orgasm, arching your back and grabbing the bed sheets in the process. 

Ben kept going and soon hit his orgasm shortly after you. He moaned your named while riding out his high and kept thrusting until he felt he had come back down to earth. 

He slowly pulled out of you and laid down next to you.He wrapped his arm around your body so carefully, so he wouldn't hurt you. He kissed your lips and said “sweet dreams, my love”.

“goodnight, darling.”

-----two months later-----

You had been feeling a bit under the weather but you were excited.  Today you would be going shopping for your wedding dress. 

You and Ben had decided to get married in 5-6 months since no ceremony had to be held because you were both technically married already. So you both had decided to have a little ceremony with a friend as the wedding minister instead of having a full ceremony at a church. The big event that you were both planning was the wedding party. 

You, Lucy, and Vicky walked into a little bridal shop in London, looking around at each dress. You knew you wanted something extravagant and you were excited to try them on.

Once you had found ones you liked with the help of Mindy and Alice, the wedding planner and the bridal shop employee, you grabbed your size in the dresses and went to try them on.

“Luce, Vic, come help me!” You said to the girls who were drinking champagne. 

“What’s up?” Lucy asked. 

“Can you help me tie the dress, its really difficult for me to do it by myself.” You said. 

“Sure” Lucy said, trying to tie the dress but it didn't work. 

“Honey, I think its too tight for you.”

“That’s weird since its my size. All the dresses I've tried on are in my size and they don't fit. Maybe the sizes run small?”

“No, our sizes usually fit true to size, miss. No offense but maybe, you’ve gained weight?” Alice said.

“No, I've been working out and eating more healthier than ever just for this.I really don’t know why the hell it doesn't fit if it’s my size.” You said truthfully.

Alice looked down, feeling guilty for commenting, while Mindy’s eyes lit up and she smirked. 

“(y/n), have you thought about the fact that you may not be the only one wearing that dress?” Mindy said while smirking.

“What does that mean” You sighed, annoyed that things weren’t working out. 

“Maybe... you’re pregnant?” She asked trying to be as polite as possible. Lucy widened her eyes, Vicky smiled brightly and you choked on the water you were drinking. 

That would explain the illness, you’re dictates for alcoholic beverages, and you’re cravings lately. It would also explain why you haven’t had your period yet. 

“I’m gonna run to the shop to get something, ill be back soon” you said, frantically trying to go and see if you are pregnant or not.

---One Hour Later---

“Oh my god I'm pregnant” you say freaking out. You knew Ben would freak out, but hopefully in a good way. He had always said he wanted a family of his own. And now its happening. 

---3 months later---

You were sitting with your now official husband, Ben, at your wedding party. You’re bump had grown and you were happy to show it. 

You had told Ben about the pregnancy the night you found out over dinner. He was over the moon and the next day he invited everyone over to share the news. The first question that was asked was 

“When did that happen” by of course, none other then Joe Mazzello.

Ben simply replied with “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, pal”.

Now you were sitting there, eating cake with the love of your life and your unborn daughter. You were going to name her Meaddows Mercury, in honor of Roger Taylor for being there not only for Ben, but for you too during everything from the start of your relationship to your pregnancy. Roger had also mentioned it.

He had said “You should name your baby after me” as a joke. But Ben took it seriously and decided to do it in honor of one of his best friends and hero’s. Of course Mercury was in honor of Freddie and Queen, because without him and them, he wouldn’t be where he is today. And you were fine with the name because you love Queen a lot, too. 

Ben wrapped his arm around your shoulders and placed his arm protectively on your baby bump. 

“My two girls” He said into your ear and sighed in content. He rested his head on top of yours and you smiled. Everything was perfect.

“I love you husband”

“I love you wife”

The End 

@hystericallyqueen @har-rison-s @okqueenie

[idjunho]

+ detail your greatest source of strength 

it’s been years since junho was in nevada, but he still remembers the man like he’d just seen him the day before.

a middle aged white man, probably in his late fifties when junho had studied in henderson. it was his music teacher, the man whom used music as his vessel for establishing such a strong relationship between himself and the seventeen year old korean exchange student, kwon junho; a very different junho from the one in xlnc today — he was far tanner back then, thanks to the consistently sweltering desert sun native vegans had long accepted beforehand. he was much shyer, and his lack of being able to communicate well his first few weeks of the semester left him feeling isolated, depressed, anxious that he would spend his entire year alone. 

not until there’s mr. sanders, who gives junho hope, gives him a chance.

he doesn’t realize the talent junho wields until he stays for music club after school. his voice as a high schooler was nowhere near as refined as it is now, less confident and stable. but there’s a lot of power that high school junho doesn’t realize he harnesses until mr. sanders coaches him through his vocal struggles. the two bond easily over music, the older man offering his pupil as many of his cds from his collection as junho desired to borrow. a man shaped greatly by his childhood build upon the united states’ involvement in vietnam, junho quickly finds his musical world expanding far greater than he’d ever imagined. for a long time he doesn’t quite comprehend all of the lyrics on their first listens; he concentrates more on the melodies and the actual sounds of the artists’ voices melded with their instruments than focusing too much on the meanings of what they were trying to express. mr. sanders tells him plenty, through words slow and simple, enough for junho to grasp in his earlier months. he can’t understanding his stories fully at first, slowly connecting the dots of the keywords that he uses to help fit the puzzle together: vietnam — army — protest — arrest. at the end of the year junho understands the man’s history, a college music student who’d been part of a large majority of his country who refused to condemn to acts of unjustified violence. 

the memorabilia of the time that adorns his classroom, anti-war propaganda painted with large bubbly fonts and skeletons of uncle sam demanding to BRING THE TROOPS HOME with littered peace sign decorations paint an even bigger picture. 

“i suggest you visit some concerts while you’re here,” mr. sanders says, “las vegas certainly is the place for them.”

and so he does. he blinds himself with the lights that illuminate the strip, a city that truly never does sleep. vegas is in a world of its own compared to busan, how one could even begin to understand the wonders of the world never leaving home baffles him seeing the city of sin in all its neon, unadultered and unforgiving life completely beyond his comprehension. it blows his mind to have so much entertainment at his fingertips; a new concert every weekend, a new bar to visit with his stunning fake id, a few three am wedding receptions to inconspicuously crash with his friends when the bride and groom were too far gone to notice. 

the killers, his first concert in vegas, introduces him to the world of the heartland rock genre, which later influences his love for springsteen and tom petty, and expanding further into the rock genre.

mr. sanders teaches him more than just music, he teaches him the love and passion for it; the drive to become not just someone who can play music but can also create it, craft it, make it his own — it resonates with junho even when he returns from the united states a year later, clearly changed. his taste of westernization to his personality doesn’t sit well with his parents at first, unamused by their sons’ incomprehensible choice of music he chooses to listen to over studying. they blame it all on his dropping grades, his lack of communication, his desire to be... well, anything in life. besides a rockstar, of course.

even well past his debut, junho’s parents still don’t approve. they don’t call. he can only remember a few times counting on a single hand the number of times he’d talked to either of his parents while he was a trainee — though he couldn’t actually recall what those conversations had been about. the lack of communication between himself and his family, junho realized as he began to grow older, grew out of his rookie days into a somewhat matured musician, was a far greater good than evil.

so when most people ask him this question and expect him to say something about his parents, his unique backstory speaks for itself. “i haven’t seen or spoken to my music teacher since i left the states, no,” he admits during an interview after speaking of his teacher’s personal legacy to him, a genuinely sad response ushering in an even sadder smile. he wonders if mr. sanders is in good health, if he’s still teaching music at his high school. the thought of ever having the opportunity to reunite with the man who had kindled his passion to be where he is now, speaking to an interviewer alongside his bandmates and explaining where his roots began, would be nothing short of incredible. 

“u-uhm, mr. sanders, it’s me, kwon junho,” his english is unscripted as the interviewer encourages him to make a short message to his old high school teacher in the possible hopes some american fans watching might try to pass it on — that was the beauty of having such a strong international fanbase, despite the group’s lack of domestic popularity. though despite having only spent a year in nevada, his immersion paid off even to this day with how surprisingly sharp junho had worked to keep up with his english skills. in his own ears, as he always felt with his music and everything else he did in his life, junho was sure his english must have had to deterioate over the years, his pronunciation, his vocabulary, the works — but the fan response he always garnered in the rare moments he used it on camera always told him otherwise. “thank you for your motivation helping me in high school. back then, i was really scared,” he holds the mic up closer to his mouth and pauses, straining to think of what else to say. “you really helped me to... not feel afraid.” he laughs, knowing it sounds cheesy. “if we can meet again, someday in the future, it would make me the happiest.” he nods his head as the rest of the group smiles and pats his back with appraisal upon his english. he smiles sheepishly, passing the mic to the next member as the interviewer moves onto the next member.

he curls his middle and ring fingers to meet his thumb, pointer and pinky sticking out to form devil horns. an ode to a rock legend who never gave up on him. 

rock on, mr. sanders.

[lyricsbylincoln]

-̗̀ —   “ i come bearing edible encouragement. ”  lincoln moves to set the cooke tray onto the countertop, but he can so much as blink, whole thing clatters to the ground. a musical laugh bubbles past upturned lips. “ crap. clearly, i am incapable of being slick. so now we’ll just have to make due with encouragement of the verbal variety, huh? ”

or alternatively :  whaddup, my dudes !!  it is linc comin’ atchu with my songwriter beb #2, LINCOLN MONROE .  you know what to do! don’t forget to like, subscribe, and leave a comment below !

(KEIYNAN LONSDALE, CISMALE, HE/HIM) i hear LINCOLN MONROE has a link to ALL OF THE BANDS. the TWENTY-FOUR year old is a SONGWRITER, apparently. he's so PACIFIC and CHATOYANT, but can also be kind of TRACTABLE and INGENUOUS. i hope he finds success with the band. i'm kinda interested in hearing more about them. 

gonna format this v simply in bullets this time, since i have to leave for work relatively soon & i wanna get it out here!

lincoln grew up in upstate new york after being adopted by kirsten & peter monroe when he was just an infant. they provided a very stable, lovely home. like?? his mother was the unofficial Neighborhood Mom. all the kids were always at the monroe household, sippin’ kool aids, snackin’ on homemade cookies. kirsten monroe is literally the ultimate affectionate, beautiful soul. in fact, when lincoln was 4, she convinced her husband to adopt lincoln’s adopted sister after her family was killed in a housefire three towns over. she’s about six months older than him, and honestly would be a lovely addition to the rp if y’all wanted to bring her in? essentially after the monroes adopted her, she and lincoln grew positively inseparable. 

lincoln expressed an interest in dance by the time he turned 5, so his parents eagerly enrolled him in dance lessons! pretty soon he hopped studios to a competitive school and began competing in contemporary/ballet dance competitions.

then came a full-ride scholarship to a performing arts high school in new york city. his parents weren’t going to say no  ( the monroe’s are characteristic people-pleasers )  so they made the three-hour drive to the city & dropped lincoln off for his first year. many tears were shed, hugs were exchanged, and his mother made lincoln promise not to forget about them back home. he’d skype them every freakin’ night.

at this school, lincoln became captain of the contemporary / hip hop dance team. they took national and international titles like they were kids in a candy store. this squad was insane. and with lincoln’s choreo, the awards just kept on coming. after he graduated, lincoln auditioned for the traveling cast of the wiz and snagged an ensemble role. he traveled with the cast for seven months until he decided it was time to put down some roots on the west coast.

at this point, all was well at home. he continued his daily contact with his family, and the monroe group chat was always booming. so lincoln didn’t think to suspect anything was going on at home beyond the usual. his mother spoke about neighborhood baking parties; his father spoke about the work he was doing at the state house as attorney general. all was well.

( tw: illness, hospitals, terminal diagnoses )  the phone call came on the eve before his 21st birthday, after the opening night performance of rent at los angeles theater. kirsten was in the hospital. she’d collapsed while helping to set up for the local church’s benefit concert. his father wouldn’t disclose much information beyond that lincoln should not fly home. against his better judgment, lincoln finished out the two-week run of rent before booking a ticket back to new york. he expected his mother to be out of the hospital by that time, and she’d indicated as much over the phone.

when lincoln’s plane touched down, no one was there to pick him up. kirsten was back in the er -- but lincoln only found that out by pressuring his sister until she caved and told him what was really going on:  three months ago, kirsten had been diagnosed with stage 3 leukemia. and no one in the family had thought to give lincoln a proper notice. 

kirsten was in and out of treatment for several years, reaching short periods of remission before her levels went awry again. lincoln visited home when he could, but once he began booking more consistent jobs, the cross-country flights became more difficult. he still talks on the phone to his mother each and every day, and will absolutely cancel plans to check in on her if need be.

i imagine he started songwriting as side thing, something to post online for fun back in college while he was studying composition? and his youtube channel probably gained lots of steam. following one of his larger runs in the la theatre scene, he was probably approached about entering a professional contract for a song for one of the groups. and he was probably elated about the prospect. 

since then, he’s been contracted for all of the groups, with pieces ranging from pandemonium’s chaotic rock to dream tsunami’s sunny electro-pop vibe. lincoln plays a grand total of twelve instruments & he’s always generating new material.

in addition to songwriting for these groups, he’s also an up-and-coming solo artist himself!! he performs at open mics, local coffee shops, etc. while also uploading things to youtube/soundcloud and performing in la-based theatre productions!

lincoln is ebullient -- his presence practically effervesces wherever he is. he’s always ready to shine, as cliché as that might be. he’s just got this heart full of love and joy and optimism and he’s eager to share.

currently has bleach-blonde hair, because it’s super cool. 

so speaking of that popular youtube channel! there, he’ll post choreographed routines to his favorite songs, little covers, original pieces, and vlogs with the bands he works with. fans probably eat it up and constantly ask for more.

his dancing. gah.  this boy just loses himself in it. catch him at a bjéar concert all-out contemporary/interpretive dancing in the crowd. frick, music just.... consumes him.

his favorite color is green!! why?? does he need to have a reason???

he takes his coffee with whipped coconut cream on top, garnished with a dash of nutmeg & cinnamon. he always gets lil whipped cream mustaches, and he’ll apologize every time.

apologizes a shit ton. will apologize for apologizing, and then apologize for doing so. it’s a spiral. someone stop him.

he’s all easy smiles & spring breezes, the cleared air after rain. it’s very difficult to get him angry, and some people ( cough nikolai cough ) find that absolutely infuriating.

cannot hide when he falls in love.

falls in love once every 30 seconds.

absolutely goes to florist shops to check in on the owners, ask about their favorite memories, and smell the roses. maybe he accidentally nose boops the flowers sometimes. it’s okay. it’s all part of the experience.

allergic to shellfish & negative vibes !!!

speaks fluent french. bonjour, my dudes

blushes v easily !!  will duck his head and smile so wide. compliment him & watch the magic

lowkey voiced prince naveen in the princess and the frog ... ribbit

some examples of original work he’s performed in the area / uploaded online:    x    x    x    x     x       

lincoln is that friend who’ll show up for you, even at 4am, with takeout and a shoulder to lean on. going through a bad time? he’s the one you should call.

lowkey fashion icon ???  let him take you thrifting.

if you get sound bite previews, you’re one of The Trusted Few.

at berklee, he was lauded by his professors and fellow students -- there’s a reason this guy can write so diversely. he’s virtuosic. he’s not afraid to make major leaps. catch him tossing unconventional chords into conventional genres, because the music industry needs a spark and he feels honored to be able to contribute.

you know how some people give birthday letters or cards? lincoln writes original birthday songs. every year. yep.

volunteers at a local dog shelter.

i would love a roomie for him? pls?

i seriously want all the connections so pls hmu on discord or here!! ily all sorry this is such trash on a stick

[matthillica]

Pandemic - Day 355

This week marks 1 year since Covid was declared a Pandemic in the US.

As things began to shut down and the world changed before our eyes last March, I picked up this blog again thinking it would be interesting to document. At the time, although we hadn't told anyone yet, my wife was three months pregnant with our second child. My daughter was about to turn two. What better way, I thought, to show my kids what Covid was like than to document the pandemic's course as we muddled our way through daily uncertainty.

What I hadn't counted on was the duration and depth of the pandemic. I figured we'd be locked down in quarantine for three months, tops… maybe six if things were handled poorly. 

As the novelty of Covid and prepping pantries and Covid memes began to wear off, we learned more about how Covid is actually transmitted. That meant aspects of our lives went back to normal while other abnormal aspects became second nature. Fear subsided, somewhat. I no longer stressed as much about grocery store trips. We still wear masks everywhere, but aren't afraid of Covid lurking behind every corner. For the most part, we understand that by taking a few simple steps, we can protect ourselves and our family from this disease.

Then in May came George Floyd, which took a world already turned on its head and lit a fire underneath it. A summer of protests against police brutality followed, then the politicization of masks, racial tension, and the most heated election cycle in my memory, all capped off by a coup attempt… the year we found ourselves living through became about so much more than just a pandemic.

The overwhelming was soon mired in disinformation and propaganda and the overwhelming-ness of it all became too overwhelming to even care about documenting, even for posterity.

I quit updating. Who gave a shit anyway? Certainly not me. I had bigger fish to fry than documenting the slow motion train wreck. I shared pics from my Instagram when I felt like it. I helped my Mom move from Kansas to Atlanta and then we packed up and moved to a new house ourselves. This was a welcome distraction from the horrible world, but Covid never really leaves your consciousness. It's always there, especially in weird, unexpected moments. This guy is trying to talk to me and he's getting too close but I don't want to offend him. I just filled up with gas and I'm all out of hand sanitizer, so I drive home reminding myself not to touch my face for the entire 15 minute ride. Mom wants to go to the salon, but I’m worried about exposure because my wife and her father are both high risk and I’m afraid to offend her by saying something. You're always thinking about it. How could you not? Covid is always there, always forcing you to adjust your life and habits around it.

With over 500,000 dead at this point in the US alone, the story of our little pandemic lives seemed so miniscule and, quite frankly, blessed. Sure, we'd lost income due to my unemployment, but our family managed to stay healthy (so far) and happy and together. We had it so much better than so many.

But then I have days like today where small things just rip me apart.

I got my car stuck in the mud in our backyard trying to unload a toolbox in our basement the other day and now I can't get it out of the goddamn grass. It's now sat there for three days while I waited for the ground to dry out so I could try again. I decided this morning to try and get it out by laying a cardboard path of old moving boxes. It was a massive failure that only succeeded in creating more muddy ruts, my car even more stuck now than it was this morning.

I sat in my driver's seat this morning… yelling at my stupid tires and two-wheel-drive, pounding on the steering wheel; the weight of all these little thoughts and worries crashing in around me. My daughter's entire second year was spent inside a fucking house. My son is already getting his first teeth and has only met six people. My hands have been cracked and bleeding for 12 months from constant hand washing. I haven't had a haircut in a year. I haven't seen some of my closest friends in over a year. I have a niece in Las Vegas who I was supposed to meet in March 2020 when she was four months old… now she's walking and talking. My friend lost her uncle and father to Covid in the same month. My other friend has been suffering with Covid for almost two months. My brother caught Covid in September shadowing home inspections to become a certified inspector because MGM’s shows were all closed. I haven't seen my father in a year and he’s 71 and lives by himself. The last time we were together (a year ago this week) he helped me buy a handgun for protection. Political division, social unrest, and America's tenuous grip on democracy. What kind of world did I just bring children into? Are we gonna make it?

I know there is light, but there are days when it still feels pretty damn dark.

And I guess that's where I'm at, mentally speaking. Exhausted. Sad. Grateful. So incredibly grateful. Even when the exhaustion takes over and guts me, I remind myself to be grateful. I'm grateful that the pandemic hasn't been worse for us as it has for so many others. I'm grateful that I've been able to cobble together an income off freelance work. I'm grateful that my kids are happy and healthy, not to mention too young to remember any of this shit once it's over. I’m grateful that I've learned to cook. I'm grateful that my wife and I still love each other. I'm grateful for family who have helped us navigate being working parents without daycare. I'm grateful that my parents and my wife's parents have been vaccinated. I'm grateful that now an end is in sight. When that end will be for us, I'm still not sure, but at least we know it's coming. And for that, I am grateful.

Now we brace for a return to "normalcy", whatever that means… and however long it takes. A regular topic of conversation in my house is what the first restaurant we eat inside will be. Or what vacation we'll take first. These all still feel very aspirational to me, but at least we're aspiring, I guess. In my mind, I'm ready to burst out of my unfinished basement office and folding table desk to tackle the world again. I'm ready to dive into another marketing department somewhere, go see a concert in the front row, take my kid to the aquarium so she can see the fish she only remembers from pictures. In my mind, I'm ready for all of these things and telling myself that attitude is everything.

But in my heart I know that it will probably be a long time before I can eat comfortably at a restaurant again, stand next to a stranger on a train, or sit in an airplane with other passengers without it doing a number on my head. In my heart I know that the first time I experience live music again, go to a museum, watch my child take in the majesty of a real shark, or feel the hug of a friend I've only seen over Zoom for 12+ months, I will be reduced to a puddle. And that's OK. I expect there are many, many others who feel exactly the same way and will be going through the same thing.

Still, if there's one thing the last year has taught me, it's that the abyss of the unknown is crossable and I'm ready to cross it, for better or for worse.  

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

St. Vincent by Immo Klink for Spex Magazin für Popkultur #376 (September/October 2017)

English translation thx to a lovely L chat anon: After the success of her last album, what's next for St. Vincent? Three years, a Grammy, a successful series of concerts complete with weirdo costumes, her own guitar design for people with breasts and a magazine cover with Marc Jacobs. "New York" is her latest haunting single that yearns for older times, and expresses love for her adoptive home. The song's style also refers back to the musical simplicity of Clark's previous work. An uncomfortably hot Summer day in London would have passed as some bizarre fever dream, if before the release of her latest, and as of yet untitled new album, St. Vincent was drinking Berlin beer with our editors and happily giving the inside scoop. Despite meticulous planning prior to the interview in July, its spontaneous nature meant it was hard to know what to ask. Annie had recorded two purposefully blurred guitar songs, one to be discussed before the conversation and one during. A female assistant dressed in a black cape and some extravagant shoe-work acted as door woman to the entrance of a room at Park Studios containing a wooden box, the inside of which was painted neon pink. Inside sat Clark like a high priestess in black light. An appropriate setting to share secrets. However, she is at first rather silent when asked concrete questions about new songs, but in the end the setting works conclusively. The discomfort is part of the concept. Interviewer: Annie, thank you very much for the mysterious reception. Will you now foresee my future? Annie: (laughs) We will see. I: It smells very good in here. Is that incense? A: The scent is coming from a candle. Meetings should be an experience for all the senses. I: You said once that for every album you've had a figure in your head around which all themes have been built. For Strange Mercy it was alcohol dependence, the bored housewife, with St. Vincent a cult leader. What has been in your consciousness regarding these songs? A: Manic Panic meets Poison Ivy from The Cramps. I: We are currently sitting in a pink, florescent box. There seems to be a color concept happening here. A: Yes, the color palette for this album is completely florescent. Florescent colors are very bright and at first seem cheerful, but can soon become too intense and then aggressive. This is exactly like my coming album. I: Would you consider this album to be the logical next chapter following St. Vincent? A: I don’t know whether you can apply logic to music. Before I wrote the new songs I knew only three things. I wanted the songs to be strong and powerful. I wanted to programme beats. And I wanted a steel-pedal guitar. I began with these three anchors. I: Most of social media expressed surprise regarding the fact that New York was not a guitar-based song. A: Really? I put so much guitar in it. I: So was it your plan to not make a rock record? A: I’ve never done it before. I definitely wanted to have big guitar moments on the album. Have I ever really made a rock record? So far very few people have heard the new songs, and there isn’t much known about the album. I’m looking forward to the interpretations and criticisms. But if someone doesn’t feel it’s a guitar record, should we not question both possible realities? I: Possibly. Do you already have an album title? A: Yes, but I still can’t reveal it to you. I: Perhaps then we can speak about something more tangible. You current tour is named after one of your new songs “Fear the Future”. A: This is intended to as an order; be afraid of your future! I: What should we be afraid of? A: Oh boy! We are living in insane times, and it’s only getting worse. I don’t know if you’ve heard: America has chosen Donald Trump, a woman hater and compulsive liar, as its president. America has said to someone like this: “You seem to be the right leader!” I: Do you believe Trump will complete the four years of his term? A: That would shock me. The countless scandals within the first six month of his presidency have sustainably ruined his reputation. Besides, I don’t have the impression that being President suits him very well. The only possibility we have of getting rid of this fear of the future is to name these things. “Fear the Future” means I am trying to regain control and make something constructive out of all the chaos. I: What strategies do you follow in order to cope with these fears? A: I don’t sit around all day worrying about the future. Today more than ever the personal is political, and the political has become personal. A lot of us move around in this world alone, meanwhile for many people it is a political act - for a great many marginalised people it is naturally the latter case. I have long thought about what I can do. Some of my friends are politically active, for example in the Black-Lives-Matter movement, or have previously worked for Obama’s administration. It seems to me most sensible to use the platform I have with my music to, for example, raise money for Planned Parenthood or other charitable organisations. I: At the beginning of this year you celebrated your directorial debut with the premiere of The Birthday Party. You chose to present your film not as horror, but as a black comedy. What role does humour play when it comes to fear? A: The absurd is definitely our zeitgeist. To go further, to drive the whole thing to the extreme, can be incredibly funny. I: Does this exaggeration work for you as catharsis? A: Definitely. The album deals with the themes of power and seduction in such a striking way that one could almost feel it as fraud. Sexuality is no simple matter, but I present it in a very obvious way, wherin there is also a lot of humour. I: I also heard the new songs as asking for a conquest. A: Songs sagen manchmal mehr über denjenigen aus, der sie hört, als über den Künstler. Ich kann also nichts, dafür,, wenn Sie überall Vaginas sehen (laughs). I: With all the careful production before release, does it not bother you if you feel you are misunderstood? A: I put a lot of time and energy into this record. I love this album. However once it is released there is nothing I could possibly say or do to make you love it just as much. That is out of my hands, and that’s the way it should be. It is no longer mine, it belongs to everyone who hears it. I can at most give you a pair of important details: I recorded majority of the album in my studio in Los Angeles. The rest I recorded in New York. I: In New York you give a nostalgic look back at a place that appears to no longer exist. Is New York still the city you… A: ...love the most at heart? Absolutely! You know, every love is complicated. For me it simply stopped being my main place of residence. In the end I started spending a lot of time back in Texas, or I was working in my studio in LA, so just wasn’t in New York anymore. I: Nostalgia can also be another way of reacting to current unpleasantness in the world - a very comfortable one. A: I have a terrible memory, therefore nostalgia doesn’t really work for me. I don’t think the past tense is all that helpful anyway. Of course can learn from their mistakes, this has made the history of mankind. Earlier grief is inflicted again and again, but prevents us from moving forward. I: A common thesis states that certain adverse circumstances can strengthen cohesion and solidarity in disadvantaged communities. A: Yes, but the most important thing for marginalised people now is to not fight one another. A byproduct of patriarchy is women fight other women. That helps no one. I: In Germany there is a lot of hostility among left currents, when their principles really belong together in solidarity. For example in feminist circles. A: Yet feminism is not a fixed idea, it is constantly changing. There is place for diverse stances. Feminist ideas find themselves in an ever wider context, on which they may have stumbled along the way. At home, I also know that women are mutually shamed, because one does not correspond to the ideal. It is unhelpful to argue about whoever embodies feminism. I myself do not engage myself with a group, but prefer to let actions speak. Being a strong, independent woman is for me the strongest sign. (A bell sounds) I: Is our time already up? A: Almost. I have a few answers recorded. Would you like to hear? I: Of course! A: (Plays around with her mobile phone until a distorted voice rings out) “David Byrne’s brain is a national treasure.” (noise) “The name St. Vincent comes from a Nick Cave song called ‘There Goes My Beautiful World’. It refers to the line ‘And Dylan Thomas died drunk in St. Vincent’s Hospital’.” (noise) You knew that, or you would have said so. Thank you for not asking. I: You’re welcome. But since we’re talking about names: Who is this Johnny you keep singing about? A: Johnny is a recurring character who has accompanied me for three albums now. For me he’s like a friend, a family member and a fiance. I: But now he lives on the street. A: There’s always hope.

______________________________ Buy the issue here Original translation post from L Chat

[williamexchange]

Top 10 Predictions For Media & Tech In 2020

These are my annual “Top 10 Predictions” for our brave new tech-driven world of media and entertainment for the New Year.

PREDICTION #1 – “The Great Streaming Wars” and global subscription video on demand (SVOD) land grab are finally fully “on” after years of anticipation. Disney+ exceeds expectations, Apple TV+ underperforms, and Netflix faces new headwinds as it plows forward with its Herculean content budget that ballooned to $15+ Billion in 2019 (and its rising debt load to support it).

Meanwhile, AT&T’s “all in” HBO Max bet, NBCUniversal’s Peacock and Jeffrey Katzenberg’s mobile-first Quibi find it hard to take off in those same headwinds due to consumer confusion and “subscription fatigue.” Advertising video on demand services (AVODs) like Viacom’s PlutoTV - an anticipated antidote to that SVOD fatigue - are also lost amidst the noise. Relentless SVOD pricing and exclusive content battles continue unabated in this new “golden age” of movies and television in which the line between the two increasingly blurs (and where the phenomenon of “Peak TV” is nowhere yet to be found). Apart from consumers, Hollywood creative talent is the great beneficiary of the sheer volume of big budgeted stories being told.

PREDICTION #2 – As cords continue to cut amidst these SVOD wars (or never connect in the first place), advertisers scramble for new ways to reach and effectively engage with audiences on and off TV screens. They act with new urgency to create impactful content and optimize targeting and personalization. Out of necessity (but also real opportunity), marketers increasingly experiment and turn to eSports, immersive and live experiential advertising.

Lost amidst all the “streaming wars” hoopla is the basic fact that subscription services, for the most part, jettison advertising as a key part of their overall value proposition. That’s the challenge. But the opportunity for brands is to engage more deeply and impactfully with specific coveted audiences. Through it all, traditional ad-supported television broadcasters’ long-term prospects continue to dim, but their short-term bottom lines are buoyed by SVOD giants that spend billions of dollars to break out (not to mention political candidates who bet it all during this upcoming pivotal election year). Marketing expenditures skyrocket as a result in 2020.

PREDICTION #3 – Mega media-tech M&A comes to a crawl (for now) in the wake of  Viacom’s acquisition of CBS. 2020 marks the first year of rest after the past several years of frenetic dealmaking. Now, virtually all major “traditional” media companies have found their dance partners.

That doesn’t mean that media and entertainment M&A is gone forever. Behemoth tech born media companies will ultimately target Netflix, Spotify and others to serve as strategically critical pieces in their much larger machines. Amazon, Apple, Google, Facebook, and Verizon are prime suspects here. And, don’t forget massive international media-tech players like Alibaba and TenCent. We live in a borderless media and entertainment world now.

PREDICTION #4 – Once maligned streaming again drives double-digit growth for the music industry. Spotify continues its leadership dominance and drives much of that growth, but adds greater losses that ultimately become unsustainable and make it ripe for acquisition.

Meanwhile, China-born social video music giant TikTok, which became a U.S. teen darling in 2019, deepens its fan engagement and monetization model and targets Spotify with its own subscription streaming service that launches in 2020. China’s Tencent Music, which also successfully drives and monetizes direct artist-fan engagement, points the way to others and underscores the global nature of media and entertainment (and players in it).

Podcasting’s consumer appeal and strategic importance to Spotify, Apple and others grow, but monetization at mass scale remains elusive.

PREDICTION #5 – 2020 finally gives vision to augmented reality (AR) and its ultimate mass commercial appeal. Just like the iPhone ushered in the age of smart phones at mass scale, Apple’s long-anticipated AR glasses usher in a brave new world of visual computing (and ultimately become Apple’s elusive “next big thing”).

Think the film Minority Report and this gives you an idea of this game-changing paradigm shift and evolution of the screen to wearables. Semi-immersed industry eyes also closely follow AR’s original poster child Magic Leap as it struggles to live up to its hype and closes another massive round of financing, which takes its total haul to over $3 billion. Meanwhile, fully-immersive virtual reality (VR) continues to underperform commercially. But that doesn’t mean that VR’s long-term promise won’t ultimately be realized. The coming onslaught of 5G wireless networks hastens the growth of extended reality (XR) in all its forms. Speaking of 5G …

PREDICTION #6 – 5G networks launch in earnest and 5G compatible smart phones (including Apple’s next iPhone) enter the market. 5G drives high quality video consumption on those phones (a boon for Quibi), begins to transform our media and entertainment experiences (including cloud-based games and eSports), and accelerates the push toward visual computing.

5G networks are critical for data intensive entertainment experiences that demand low latency. 5G also reduces the size of consumer AR and VR “glasses,” since computation and data flow now occur in the cloud and on edge networks rather than in the hardware itself.

PREDICTION #7 – Warnings grow about an eSports bubble, but smart money plays the long e-game as 5G fueled cross-platform and cloud-based mobile gaming accelerate. Early innovators like Google Stadia and Apple Arcade subscription gaming platforms lead the way.

Given the passionate coveted young demographic at play, brands increasingly embrace games and eSports, which together dwarf the global motion picture industry. Scopely, now valued at $1.7 billion, is one to watch. Look out for the YouTube-ization of games as well, as companies like Koji give everyone (including brands) a platform to easily create, share and monetize games (not to mention use games to deepen consumer engagement). No engineering required. [Note: I am an advisor to Koji.]

PREDICTION #8 – Artificial Intelligence (AI) accelerates its game-changing ways in the world of media and entertainment. Look beyond home assistants like Alexa and Siri that have already transformed our lives, and say “hello” to virtual humans and virtual beings.

Real emotional connections with non-human AI-driven characters become a paradigm shift that is closer than we think and increasingly draws venture capital. Look at virtual influencer Miquela with “her” very real 1.8 million social followers as a model here, as well as Fable’s Lucy Project. AI also increasingly drives cost-effective and efficient content development and production. Synthesia is one startup worth watching. Virtual live events also proliferate, inspired by the success of DJ Marshmello’s Fortnite experiment and musician Lindsey Stirling’s Wave XR virtual concert.

PREDICTION #9 – Real, not virtual, live “experiences” also increasingly find their way into multi-platform media strategies, driven by a growing counter-movement to digital’s frequently heads down isolation. Live experiences, and their more lasting “soul” (not to mention selfie-worthy moments) deepen brand engagement and monetization. They also drive ever grander “offline” experiments and M&A.

Think of Madison Square Garden’s audacious Sphere project here, a $1.2 billion project that aims to reinvent the venue experience. The first MSG Sphere is rising up from the desert floor in Las Vegas right now to blow minds. At smaller scale, but equal mind-blowing impact, Woolf & The Wondershow’s Cages music experience in downtown Los Angeles’s Arts District demonstrates how technology can expand and enhance the possibilities without overpowering the underlying story. It is a “must.”

PREDICTION #10 – “Fake news” (including AI-driven “deepfakes”) overrun 2020’s U.S. elections and cause unprecedented societal disruption. The White House hangs its hat on disinformation campaigns actively promoted by major media and social media players, and claims victory no matter what the actual outcome.

The country is divided and threatened like never before in generations. Hacking headlines add to an increasing sense of mass insecurity. But in the face of daunting forces, optimism survives and social activism rises up. 2020’s fear transitions to 2021’s brave new redemptive possibilities.

THE BOTTOM LINE

2020 begins a new decade that pushes media and entertainment boundaries and possibilities significantly further. And, looking back at it all, much of it will seem so very obvious – like it does now as we look back at the long and winding road that led us to where we are today.

There are many Web Developers in Frisco CO who can help you to get an affordable website designed for your business.

[spacetalker]

​​ “tell me what you know about space.” that is what you (third year astronomy major with an interest in astrophysics and a hopeful intern with space x) told me (writer and amateur star gazer) and i can tell you all i know, but that is not very much as i remember only what mr reynolds taught me in 8th grade earth science and passages about stars and orbits in standardized tests. i can tell you that the planets orbit the sun and not the other way around and that we are only one small planet in a sea of supernovas and asteroids and supergiants, that the order of the planets from closest to the sun goes mercury, venus, earth, mars, jupiter, saturn, uranus, neptune, and maybe pluto. i can tell you that there are eight people in space right now (according to a website i have bookmarked that is checked every single day) and i think that it is very scary to be surrounded by that much physical darkness, and that there are thousands of satellites orbiting the earth. but that is all i know, at least what i can remember because facts are difficult to think of when i am thinking of you and maybe i should tell you about space in a different way. space is the sun, the valedictorian in high school, the nearly perfect score on the act, the full ride scholarship to the college of your dreams. every plastic trophy gained in your little league sports in elementary school, every plastic doll you played with as a kid, every plastic personality you were introduced to. the sun is the center of the universe, until it’s not, until it is again, and then until it is maybe and then finally just the center of our solar system, which may be good enough for most but it is not good enough for them. mercury is one planet i always forget even though it is closest to the sun and therefore should always be the one remembered according to the one psychology theory about order, yes serial position effect, that’s the one. it is small and that i know but oh, was the element named after the planet or was the planet named after the element? it is the way you describe how your friends look at you now and it is las vegas without the slot machines and it is the drive back and forth and back and forth and are we there yet? to the annual summer family vacation and you cannot remember when you stopped looking forward to those. have you talked to her yet? her of course being venus and she is love and when you look at her you think she is beautiful. and she is beautiful, more than that really. and venus also is the one who cheated on you during her time as a camp counselor and maybe it is time to stop beating yourself up over that. she remembers your first kiss and it was not that good but it improved after that and your kisses stopped being individuals and every time your lips touched they did not take much time to become one. venus is every time you sent flowers on valentine’s day and every heart you cut out to tape as decorations on the wall and to you she used to be just a decoration herself but then i hear you talk about her now and my mind forgets how you talked in high school. earth is familiar but it is dying and soon to be destroyed and i am worried there is nothing to fall back on. earth is trying to pinpoint the exact moment you stopped believing in god and when your confessions turned into apologies where you began every statement with sorry. it is the air you breath in everyday and maybe if molecules in the atmosphere were different you would be dead or if jfk wasn’t assassinated we may have never even existed in the first place. it is a house that feels cold now that you are gone and i wonder if i can correctly calculate how differently my heart beats or my mind behaves when you are home. and mars is music which i’m sure does not surprise you that i say that when you remember the david bowie album and me asking you to kill spiders in my room at 2 in the morning. mars is your saxophone and my piano and waking up at 6 am surrounded by off tune notes sung to get us out of bed. it’s the ringing in your ears after a concert and the time that everyone speaks so loudly and your mind becomes fire and every single sound just adds to the flames. jupiter is childhood, the rhyme you’d recite in elementary school and spell icup. jupiter is spelling bees and listening to that one song from nightmare before christmas for 8 hours straight during every road trip taken to chicago. it’s dragonflies we would catch at the lake and the butterflies we would raise from caterpillars and when you would comfort me when we had to release them. jupiter is the time that everything was fine and the only question on your mind was how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? and how many rings do you have to get past to reach saturn? how many barriers did you put up when we passed jupiter and reached a planet with high fences laced with electric shocks and chicken wire? saturn is the period where we never spoke, our bedroom doors closed and our eyes rarely making contact. saturn is the era we were in years ago and the era we are in now. it is the era in between where we knew in the back of our minds that this comfort would not last long. it is every time our debates turn into small talk and our small talk turns into silence. uranus is what our lack of contact turned into. it is rebellion and individuality and when my introduction as the dancer turned into my introduction as the writer and when i noticed you were only introduced by your name and never your title and i have yet to figure out why that was so important to me but i cannot shake the desire i have to know what it is like to not be defined by something like you are. neptune is a deep blue but it is not sad it is the color of missing you. neptune is the blue of the skype icon and seeing you online at 2 am. it is the feeling as my pointer finger hovers over the call button and the hitch in my breath when you suddenly go offline. it is staying up well past that wondering if you are in any way thinking the same. neptune is using the excuse of distance for why we are not like we once were but knowing that we are only 45 minutes apart and i have denied every request of coming to see you. pluto is getting drunk off mom’s and dad’s anniversary wine and looking at old scrapbook photos in the mid afternoon. it is confusion and abandonment and asking myself why i am somehow okay with leaving you behind. it is broken promises and every attempt at mending them. pluto is the day you address your wedding invitations and realize you forgot to make me a bridesmaid. it is calling me just to ask what street i live on and it is the silence before one of us decides to hang up. and there are the stars that are full of memories, where every constellation is a story. and every night i look to see which stars i can point out and which constellations i can remember because they are becoming the only way to think of you in a way that doesn’t remind me of planets and the blackness between them. so tell me not what facts you know or new theories you learned during a lecture but what you think of black holes and asteroids and empty space and why we decided to suddenly become two separate galaxies when we were once just two people on the same planet. ​- space is silent (but i’m not) ​

[legit-writer]

The car ride

I have actually written something happy! It’s an idea I got a long time ago, but I finally finished it. Enjoy a cute fluffy piece with Tyler

You should have taken your driver’s license.

You really, truly should have taken your driver’s license.

This you realize as you’re standing outside of your apartment, waiting for the ride to a concert you’re going to. The wind is punching you in your face, and you have to hold down the skirt of your dress so it doesn’t blow away. How fun, standing outside in this particularly… nice weather. You blame Mark of course. He’s the one who invited you to the concert, and then yesterday he called you, saying his car was full.

But not to worry!

He, of course, had a friend who could give you a ride. Tyler Scheid apparently. You had met him twice before, and as far as you knew, he wasn’t an asshole.

Well, except, he wasn’t really showing up.

Mark gave you his number so you could tell him where to come pick you up, and everything seemed fine until just about now. You feel your phone vibrate, and you reach in your pocket to check it.

Tyler: I’m here.

You look up. There’s no one there.

You: I can’t see anyone.

A couple of minutes later, you see a car driving through your street, with a familiar face behind the steering wheel. You smile, relieved, until he drives straight past you and pulls up in front of another building. Rolling your eyes, you walk up to the car, but just as you’re right behind it, Tyler puts it in reverse and almost crashes into you.

“Hey!” You yell as he hurriedly gets out the car, apologising.

“I’m so sorry; I’m just looking for someone named (Y/N). Do you know her?” He looks at you confused, and you don’t know whether to be offended or amused. “That’s me alright.” For three seconds, Tyler stands there, confused. Suddenly he starts apologising even more, and you can’t help but grin. This man is just a giant ball of floof, isn’t he? You tell him that it’s fine, and you get into the car.

As Tyler starts driving, he’s still babbling on about how sorry he is and how he’ll make it up to you. You’re just laughing, telling him that it’s fine, but he can buy you an ice cream to make up for the little heart attack he gave you. When he finally stops apologising, a comfortable silence falls over you. Some music is playing on the radio, more specifically (Y/F/S), making you hum along to the tune. Even though none of you were talking, it didn’t feel awkward. You’re just staring out the window, looking at the beautiful scenery.

After a long time of silence, Tyler starts talking. “So how do you know Mark?” He glances quickly over at you. You smile a little, remembering how you first got to know that doof of a man. “We met through a youtube convention. I remember bumping into him while he was hiding from Ethan. When he showed up, Mark hid behind me and I had to protect his ass. It was pretty traumatizing, because Ethan threw ice water on me. After that, we just kept in touch. I lived far away, and then like 3 months ago I moved to LA.”

Tyler nods along to the story and smiles a little. “I actually remember Mark telling a bit about that day. Wish I was th-“ He was interrupted by a ringing from his phone. Without taking his eyes off the road, he hands you the phone. It’s Mark. You answer the call, and his voice is heard over the speakers in the car.

“Hey!”

“Speak of the devil, we just talked about you,” Tyler says.

“I take that as you found (Y/N)?”

You chime in, “Yeah, the big, mean giant found me and kidnapped me. He’s torturing me, help!”

Tyler looked utterly offended. “I am not a big, mean giant! I am a big, friendly giant!”

“You almost hit me with the car when you came to get me; you didn’t even know who I was!”

“But that was an accident! Stop insulting me, or I will drive us off the road.”

“That wouldn’t be too surprising, I mean, you’re pretty b-“

“Stop with the flirting! I need to know where you are.” Mark exclaims. There’s a little bit of silence before you speak. “If that’s how you flirt with Amy, then I feel real sorry for her.”

Tyler bursts out laughing, and gets trouble breathing. He’s shutting his eyes from laughing too hard, and you instinctively reach for the steering wheel to help keeping you on the road.

“That’s right! He sucks at flirting. Please save me!” Amy shouts into the phone. Mark is yelling at her and you, offended that you would say something like that. You’re still holding onto the wheel, as Tyler is collecting himself.

“Anyway, apart from your insults, when will you be here?”

Tyler looks at the clock. “I think we’ll be there in an hour or so,” he says, while grabbing your hand and removing it from the steering wheel.

“Great, we’ll be there in maybe 40 minutes, so we’ll wait for you. Just call if something happens.”

“We will!” You say, before hanging up the phone. Tyler smiles goofily at the road, and laughs for himself. “You have a lot of sass for being such a small human being,” he says as he looks over at you for a brief moment, still smiling. Laughing, you softly punch him in the arm, calling him an idiot.

For the rest of the car ride, you talk about everything and nothing, laughing and occasionally sassing each other. As you arrive at the concert, Mark excitedly hugs you, rapidly talking about how great everything is going to be. For some reason, you don’t really care about the concert, you’re more interested in your chauffeur. You keep close to him as you walk into the concert area, being cautious of the people everywhere around you. As the concert starts, you can feel people pushing and pressing all around you. At one point, a very drunk man stumbles into you, trying to grope you. Tyler pushes the man away, and keeps his arm around you for the rest of the night. You can’t quite explain it, but you just feel safe.

As the concert ends and you start driving home, you take a longer route. You have absolutely no problem with that at all. When you finally arrive at your apartment, you sit in the car, talking. You don’t really want to leave at all. But, as the time closes in on two a.m. the both of you are feeling very exhausted.

“I had a great time today,” you say and smile.

“Me too. See you around?” Tyler asks, and your smile widen a little bit.

“Well, you do have to buy me ice cream, so I do hope we see each other soon.”

Chuckling, Tyler looks at you. “Next Saturday? I can come pick you up, without almost hitting you.”

You burst out laughing at his response. You don’t know if you’re just way too tired, or if that was actually funny. “It’s a date,” you say, as you collect yourself.

He smiles. “It’s a date.”

[auskultu]

The Bloodless Battle of the Badge: The Press at Monterey Pop

Derek Taylor, World Countdown News, July 1967

THE CLEAN YOUNG man at the window said he was from the Los Angeles Times and there was nothing in his face to say he wasn’t, except that we know he wasn’t because if he had been, Pete Johnson (who was) would have said there was someone else who was as well. Pete Johnson tells you when he is going to tie his shoelace or comb his hair and he wouldn’t have forgotten to mention another LA Times man.

The man at the window said he needed a press badge and he’d heard that I’m the man for press badges. Well, I wast he man for press badges but was he the man who needed a badge, we asked ourselves and then him. Credentials? We asked from the badge side of the window and from the badgeless side he said: Gee it was lousy but he’d left everything back in the motel.

It was the Monterey International Pop Festival, and in the badge room we were paying the fees for triumph. There were 60,000 people in and out of the fair and fervent festival of music, love and flowers and it seemed 1000 of them were journalists. At any rate, in the open-badgehanded first two days we’d issued 1000 press badges—all purple.

Unfortunately, the accommodation in the press section in the concert arena was built for 250 people in faint discomfort, for 400 at a crush, for 600 in civilian prison conditions, for 800 in boot-camp circumstances, and for 1000 only in Buchenwald terms.

On Sunday, the third day, I made the most melancholy announcement of the joyous weekend over the speaker system: “The line it is drawn, the curse it is cast. The purple press badge is now invalid. Come to the press room for your new badge.”

The line it was drawn all right, and the line it was formed anew with purple holders waiting to be re-validated with a new emblem of access—Green.

The man from the Los Angeles Times reconstructed the lines on his face to a freshly sincere mask and we said: “Ask your city desk to call and it will be OK.” “How do I get them to call,” he asked and we said, “call them,” “Oh,” he said, and vanished.

“Game and Gossip–two passes” said the next purple badge, and it was a lady, tall and less than warm. Carol Cole, actress daughter of irreplaceable Nat, was a volunteer in the badge room. She said there was only one badge under the new situation. Game and Gossip said two and we said one. One, two, one, two, one, two.

“I am Game and Gossip,” said the lady. One we said. “Then call Mr. Michaud and he will instruct you,” she said. “No time,” we said. “Well, you will speak to Mr. SMB Morse,” she said. “We never,” we said, “speak to Mr. SMB. It is a rule of the house.” “Then give me your name,” she said. “Taylor” I said, and gave her a badge. Green. One.

“Photog,” said the next man who had many curls. Credentials? “Yeah,” he said, lumping out a wallet which contained a two-inch square copy of a covergirl picture form a magazine. “Not enough,” we said. “Well my name’s Btante” he said “Richard?” “No. He’s my uncle.” A young uncle, we observed and he commented that it was not our business to compare the ages of relatives, True. Any other credentials apart from an unsubstantiated last name and an uncredited picture from a magazine? “Yes,” he said and pulled out a driving ticket. “our man is there,” we said, pointing to a passing highway patrolman. The man ducked and said, “There’s a warrant for me,” and dropped his wallet. Two obscene pictures fell out and we didn’t see him again but twice when he again announced: “Blank” and asked for his dirty pictures back.

The clean young man from the Los Angeles Times returned. The city desk isn’t answering, he said. “Really? Well, can’t Jim Grunt, Brian Taylor, Anatole France, Beverly Bland, Bill Johnson, Jack Hartkey, can’t any of them verify you?” “Will any of them do?” “Yes,” we said. “Except that we’ve just made all of them up. They don’t exist.” “I thought I didn’t know them,” he said. “Right,” he smiled. “You’re a phony but it was worth the try.” “Right,” he smiled and left.

A wire service was next. Crew-cutted, toadskinned, veteran of countless murders, untold fires limitless acts of violence, one too many wars. “Working press,” he said wearily, looking at our psychedelics, our buttons, bows, balls and scarves like Alice throughout the Looking-glass. “When did it cease being a pleasure,” we asked. “A long time ago buddy,” said the wire service re-folding a yard of credentials. “You can weed out this gang. There’s not a working press among them.” You don’t say.

“Pool News,” said a nervous mouth in a young and grubby face. “What’s Pool News?” we asked and the mouth growing paler said: “A rock’n’roll magazine. It’s sold all over the world.” Why was it called Pool News if it was about rock’n’roll? “Why is Time magazine called Time,” she responded not without anger. “Because that’s what it’s about,” we said. “No pass. Sorry.” “Schmuck,” said Pool News and meant it.

Richard DiLello, hippie holder of two purple badges, no credentials, no money, came to the window with UPI, the Village Voice and a photographer from Time Magazine who had been thrown out of the arena the night before. 

“Sorry, Richard,” we said “Badges are rationed.” 

He went without complaint. UPI unrolled the plastic. 

“Ok?” he said. “Need any more?” “Working press,” he added, as by rote. “When did it cease being a pleasure?” No reply. 

The Village Voice said could it come in and speak? Of course. Time Magazine was still angry and wanted to know what I had meant the night before when I said his problem was trivial in relation to the overall success of the festival. I said that what I’d meant was that his problem was trivial to the overall success of the festival and he said he could see how that was one way of looking at it. Very generous I thought and apologized for appearing rude. Appearing? A disc jockey called something like Jolly Jack the Jock poked his head in and said he was Jolly Jack the Jock. Any proof of that claim?” we wondered and he heaved out a wad of gold visiting cards which made no bones about who he was. JOLLY JACK THE JOCK. Anything else? Oh well, of course. A grubby yellowing clipping of a TV show he’d compered featuring the Tijuana Brass and other stars. “A lousy scam,” we said. “Deluding viewers into thinking they’re going to see Herbie Alpert? “How’s that,” be said and we said, “How’s what?” Badge please. Next please? Lou Adler, festival director was on the phone. I’m sending up Blank Blank. He’s blank blank and he doesn’t get a pass. Right? Right. Yoram Kahana came to the window, showed his credentials which said he was Yoram Kahana. He looked like Yoram Kahana and he sounded like Yoram Kahana and I said Hi Yoram and gave him the badge for Yoram Kahana. Blank Blank was suddenly in the room. 

“Lou sent me for a press badge.” “Are you the press?” yes. Who for? “Just press.” The entire fourth estate? No Games. A badge please. Why? Because I want one. Is that an equation? You want, you get? I am a press agent. That doesn’t give you a press badge. I want one. You’re not having one. What can I have? Nothing. Am I nothing then? Create and preserve the image of your choice.

Blank Blank said he would “get us” and we said that was his choice. Thank you. A recurrent nightmare home on the window from the old days of the Beatles American tours. Help, one screamed inwardly. Can I have a press badge? No. Never ever ever never ever No. God save me.

The window darkened with a flurry of hair and bearded and beaded literate hippies from Haight Ashbury and Sunset Strip. The LA Oracle, the Berkeley Barb, the San Francisco Oracle, the Los Angeles Free Press.

Two for each paper, we said. Now man, said the underground press. We’re your friends. We’re all on the same side. Well, that’s true. But two each. Take their names Carol.

The Haight Ashbury paper said only two? Well yes. But there are three of us. Well, if Haight Ashbury doesn’t know how to share two badges between three people then Haight hasn’t yet come to terms with Ashbury. “Fair” said Haight Ashbury and it was.

Woman’s Wear Daily were next, and the Boston Globe. OK. Then the LA Oracle reappeared with three new faces and the Free Press had a fresh countenance. Your friends have your tickets we said. Two per paper. That’s not right they said and it was and it wasn’t depending on who had the badges.

ABC TV news wanted to know why they couldn’t film in the arena. So did NBC news. And so too did CBS news. Likewise KSBW TV and KPIX TV. ABC News said they didn’t care one way or the other but what was going down?

We explained that the ABC network had paid nearly half a million dollars for the right exclusively to film the festival for an hour-long color TV special upcoming this autumn (watch for news in this friends) and the newsman said a high-up at ABC had told a high-up on ABC News it would be OK and I said well it isn’t OK. OK, we said, we’ll pull out. I didn’t want to come anyway. OK, we said.

Mac Bowe was at the window. Working press he said, folding his face and unfolding his credentials. Are you the Mac Bowe who said it was a marijuana festival? Why, he said, does that mean I don’t get a badge? Oh no, we said, but come in for a chat. Mac Bowe came in and said he had discovered some very obscene buttons. What? He said, do you think of a button stating “Reagan eats it”? I don’t know what it means, I said. Well, he said. All this drugs and LSD. It’s wrong. What LSD we said. I don’t need it he said three times. No, we said, you don’t need it. Poor Mac, he spent the entire festival spotting dirty buttons, ferreting out lewd newspapers, sniffing around for pot and when, finally, the festival had totally succeeded, he followed through as he had begun with the conclusion; “No more pop festivals for Monterey.” As he said: “I’m not here for fun.”

Came Glenys Roberts to the window for the London Evening News. I’d met her at the crowded Press gate to the arena the night before when her dilemma was that she had to pass a camera into the arena and visit the ladies restroom outside at one and the same time. I think the restroom won. She wanted a badge at the window at the window and she was given one.

KRLA Radio arrived for eight badges. Seven they had names for; the eighth was for someone Jim Stack their spokesman couldn’t remember. “Your girlfriend maybe, Jim?” Well maybe, that is, er well not exactly. Seven badges, Carol, for KRLA. One for Jim Stack’s girlfriend. Blush thanks.

A cloaked photographer, high as high as high as and on the very best grass smiled an eternal blessing and was instantly awarded badge of the month. He, being unable to talk, smiled a thanks and returned minutes later with a girl similarly loaded. “Isn’t she beautiful. Just beautiful? “Yes.” A badge for her. Green. As grass.

It was Earl Leaf at the window. Dear old Earl, whose journalistic span in California stretches from coverage of early Marilyn to late Jefferson Airplane. Childless Earl who travels with a couple of “daughters”. Two, Earl, we said, without confidence. Three, he said. Three, Earl.

“I’m a friend of David Anderle of MGM,” said another badgeless face. Anderle left MGM eighteen months ago, we said and what d’ya know said the face. He never told me. Go and ask him why, we said. It was very neglectful of him. David Wheeler sent us, said two lovely blondes who hadn’t read a newspaper in years let alone written for one. Send us David Wheeler, we said and they cursed.

Are the Beatles here, asked the San Francisco Examiner. No, we said, later saying yes when the question re-arose, yes being a more acceptable answer than no in most circumstances. Yes the Beatles are here, disguised as hippies. A cheerful rumour which resulted in an additional 1000 people in the arena that night.

Badge please, said AP, “Working press.” Is it no longer a pleasure? You’re kidding. Sorry.

“I’ve walked from Coventry,” said a man who had walked no further than a mile, Coventry being 7,000 miles away across two oceans or one Pole. Give him a badge.

KDON Radio… they came to the windows and something happened. Something. We know not what except that the faces that had smiled Hi on Friday on Sunday said Wow man. We’ll get you. We’ll stop you ever coming back here. “Go away and harm us,” we said. “Create and preserve the image of your choice. Damage us if that is your choice.”

And to the best of their curtailed ability they did, the very next day on the licensed air. “Drugs, uncontrollable crowds, too much, too much,” they broadcast. “Keep away from our peninsula.” Was this the KDON who had promoted the festival on the air for ten weeks? No. it was a new KDON, creating a new image, preserving nothing.

Look Magazine came to the window and went with badge. So did Flip, Soul, Tiger Beat, Hit Parader and Teen Scoop, bedrock of the fanmags—commenting later on our press list Time’s man asked where the validity of these people lay, where does Time stand, the fanmags asked in their turn and the Underground press said WE are your real friends and the wire services and the leather-faced said we are the working press and when Gypsy Boots—extraordinarily described as the Unpredictable Gypsy Boots in a recent radio interview—appeared in beard and barehairlylegged tennis shoes, teashirt marked in massive Pentel “Gypsy Boots” horticultural adviser to KRLA, complained that having lost his pass he was having difficulties, we said: “you should make yourself conspicuous, get an identity, Mr. Boots, or may we erroneously call you Gypsy?”

There was a man from KHJ who said he and San Riddle produced “Boss City” together which he seemed to think was a very significant as well it might have been if it had been true. He had one badge and wanted another for his assistant who was fifteen. He left the window badgeless with a two-lettered flea in his ear. “No.”

Monterey Peninsula Herald wegaveyouanicereview, said Sandi Langs who had. “Badges not predicated on favorable reviews,” we said. “Only on credentials.” “I have them. I have them,” she said. “We know,” we said. “Here are the badges and here, separately are our thanks.”

Music Love and Flowers, said the bumper-sticker.

David Wheeler sent us, said another blonde. Gypsy Boots said it would be OK, said a pair of earrings. We’ll do you in, said Teenscam.

The window saw 1000 people that last day of the festival. At dusk, as the Mamas and Papas—whose John Phillips had, with their producer Lou Adler, mounted the most successful multiple event in the history of pop (newly claiming recognition as an art history of pop (newly claiming recognition as an art form) music—as this group of groups prepared for the final concert, at dusk we placed on the window a notice which read: “We thank the Press and Radio for their selfless interest in this festival of music and people and regret that there are no more pieces of paper for them.”

We walked the Time and Life men to the arena and gave them special places in the wings; we crushed a final grabbing arm in the lowered window, we said goodnight and goodbye to the window itself and it was amaziang and wonderful to know that beyond the badges, far from the pass-system, over and above the demands, there was a festival.

It happened in Monterey and it mightn’t have done.

[meepface]

i’ve had a weird day so far and doing this is purely for distraction purposes just ignore me

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

home screen

and my lock screen is my gf

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

oooohhh yeah. one of my first super gay crushes was on my 7th grade english & composition teacher Ms. Lawrence. i just recently unadded her on facebook bc i thought it was weird that i had her added but i’m a lil sad i did it bc that was a big ol phase of my life and i liked her soooo much ya know. i also had a big crush on this dorky geography/tennis/psychology teacher Mr. Whittlesey. he was so cute and goofy i love that man

3) What was your last text message?

i was offering to drive over to visit a friend and bring her comfort food bc her and her fiance just broke up :(

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

uhh i don’t really think that far ahead but hopefully i am happy and have a stable job and hopefully i’m with the person who i’m planning on spending forever with and i have a nice lil place. maybe i’ve even finally moved out of texas by then

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

honestly the mountains would be really nice. i really miss em and they make me feel really happy n peaceful and idk if my family and i are going to get to go or not this summer

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume?

idk one year i wrote “life” on a shirt and went around handing people lemons all night which was Extra as hell but it was also sort of iconic

7) What was your favorite 90s show?

friends

8) Who was your last kiss?

my gf

9) Have you ever been stood up?

no i don’t believe so

10) Favorite ice cream flavor?

mint chocolate chip

11) Have you been to Las Vegas?

no but my parents have been WITHOUT my brother and i!! i would love to go at least one time though

12) Your favorite pair of shoes?

i like my vans they’re comfy

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

no, that is one thing i would never do. esp since it was done to me and even though our relationship hadn’t been that serious, it still sucked 

14) What is your favorite fruit?

watermelon and peaches and apricots

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible?

honestly? i maybe could’ve seen myself dating a few people here but only if they were here in person with me lol i'm not interested in online relationships at all so

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships?

long term relationships i ain’t tryna mess around rn

17) Do you smoke? If so, what?

i don’t but i would like to smoke weed at least once in my life just to experience it ya know

18) What do you do to get over your anger?

sing really loudly to music in my car until i am Tired or just vent on my private sideblog

19) Do you believe in God?

i’m sure there’s something out there but who knows what

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it?

yes

21) Favorite position?

laying the fuck down

22) What’s your horoscope sign?

aries

23) Your fears?

settling for less than i deserve or want just bc being happy requires work that seems scary or difficult or would hurt someone, scorpions, the ocean, walking sticks, horses, never being enough for anyone, not finding stability in my life

24) How many pets do you have? What kind?

i have four dogs named Sophie, Millie, Rusty Bob and Joey

25) What never fails to turn you on?

gettin soft kisses on my stomach n hips

26) Your idea of a perfect first date?

we do some sort of fun activity together, we have a nice dinner and maybe chill in our cars after and talk n maybe kiss a bunch depending on how the date went

27) What is something most people don’t know about you?

i can sing kinda well ?? maybe not anymore it’s been a while since i have but i used to be in musical theatre and they wanted me to be a lead role in the musical but i was too much of a pussy and i didn’t

28) What makes you feel the happiest?

having fun bein surrounded by people i love, also when dogs are so happy to see you that their tails wag their whole butt

29) What store do you shop at most often?

probably forever 21 or h&m bc i’m all about affordable clothing that’s semi-cute

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving?

i’m down for both 

31) Do you believe in karma?

sure

32) Are you single?

nope

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

“i’m sorry, i understand that this hurt you and i understand why and i will work on not doing this again in the future” followed by actually working on not doing that again in the future is the better way to apologize, actually

34) Are you a good swimmer?

eh i’m okay

35) Coffee or Tea?

coffee

36) Online shopping or shopping in person?

in person 

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

i kinda like being 20 i think it’s nice to be right in the middle

38) Cats or Dogs?

dogs

39) Are you a competitive person?

in mario kart maybe but generally no

40) Do you believe in aliens?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!

41) Do you like dancing?

yes but i’m no good at it

42) What kind of music to you listen to?

i like upbeat alternative music generally

43) What is your favorite cartoon character?

eeyore

44) Where are you from?

texas unfortunately

45) Eat at home or eat out?

idk my dad’s home cooked meals have gotten pretttttty good but if i can’t have whatever he’s making then i wanna eat out

46) How much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i’m definitely more talkative and i laugh out loud a lot more

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself?

i bought myself a meal last night but today i’m gonna go out and buy myself some shorts and a bikini so i’m hyped for that

48) Why do you think your followers follow you?

probably from when i blogged about youtubers back in the day, also i hosted these selfie party things and shared everyone’s selfies to boost their confidence and so many people followed me bc of those

49) How many hours do you sleep at night?

not enough

50) What worries you most about the future?

not finding stability in what i want to do and not doing what i want and what would make me happy just bc it would be challenging

51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?

i’m learnin a whoooole lot of self love so maybe we’d be friends a lil longer than i would’ve been if you’d asked me this in like, february 

52) Are you happy with yourself?

i mean? i’m happy with where i’ve come. definitely could improve but ya know. baby steps

53) What do you wish you didn’t know?

there’s too many things i wish i didn’t know to be honest

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life?

puttin other people first too much only makes you know and love yourself less

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

the loft from New Girl

56) What’s your favorite Website?

runescape 

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking?

getting rid of this fb account i had and then also this private twitter account i had that i sorta used to vent and also overshare too much lmao

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles?

i went to NYC before christmas last year!! my family and i are hoping we’ll be able to go to Washington this year 

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?

probably my mug that says “i’m too sexy to be 60″ that i bought for like $2

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

i reaaaaally like kung pao chicken but sometimes i like to get sweet and sour or sesame chicken and then i’ll get wonton soup and eggrolls and white rice and sometimes edamame ooooo my god

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?

idaho just so i could call myself a ho all the time

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?

psychology or cinematography

63) Favorite kind of chips?

lays limón chips

64) Favorite kind of sandwich?

i really like the new york italian sandwich from Thundercloud 

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?

dictionary probably??

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee?

nope but one time i was carrying a balloon and a bee came up and stung my balloon and died and i was like oh

67) What’s your favorite form of exercise?

just goin for a walk is nice

68) Are you afraid of heights?

not heights but falling lmao

69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?

probably my film class junior year of high school. i was part of the school’s daily announcement team and we made intros for it based off of popular TV shows and we did this whole project about drinking and driving and my teacher was so great and i had a crush on every single boy in that class

70) What’s your favorite breakfast?

i love breakfast tacos

71) Do you like guacamole?

yes

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight?

i punched a girl in kindergarten but she didn’t hit me back and i pushed a kid over in spy camp in like fourth grade but he didn’t fight me back and i shoved a really stoned guy in a pit at a concert two years ago bc he was being a dick but he was too stoned to fight me back so what i’m saying is i sort of have tried to start a fight but nobody has taken one for the team and kicked my ass yet

73) What/who are you thinking about right now?

i’m thinking about how today sorta sucks but i feel like, too sad to go out and hang out with someone and do something about it so i am just going to stay here. maybe i will eat soon if i can get myself out of bed lol

74) Do you like cuddling?

it’s my faaaaavorite

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

yeah

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?

yeah lol 

77) Favorite city you’ve been to?

hmm i really really liked Hood River, Oregon but probably mostly bc of the people i knew there and everything making it special. i loved Columbus, Ohio for that same reason too. i thought Ohio was gorgeous. i also loved Flagstaff, Arizona just because it was beautiful and quaint and i would love to go back

78) Would you break the law to save a family member?

depends on the family member

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment?

just a few weeks ago i was in my summer class and we had about 10 minutes until we got out and it’s like 1 so i was starving and ready for lunch so i was looking at my food options in the area and next thing i knew Siri screams into my quiet classroom “starting route to Raising Cane’s”, and everybody laughed and my teacher was Annoyed. and then when we finally got out i thought everybody had moved on and then the guy who sat next to me, WHO HAD NEVER SPOKEN TO ME ONCE, goes “have fun at Raising Cane’s!”

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in?

anything to do with women/POC/LGBTQIA+ rights 

81) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

one time i was showin off on my razor scooter while zoomin down a steep hill and i fell off and got scars all over my body and a young girl witnessed it but didn’t say anything or do anything she just left me layin there and crying on the pavement 

82) Favorite day of the week?

thursday is nice

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?

uhh i mean yeah i guess

84) How do you feel about porn?

i feel like it gives you really false expectations about what sex is going to be like when people watch too much of it

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know?

i’d like to be good ol pals with Mamrie Hart still

86) Who was your hottest ex?

my exes were all ugly

87) Do you want/have kids?

i think i would like kids at some point. at least one

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?

yes

89) Do you get easily distracted?

yes sometimes

90) Ass or titties?

titties

91) What is your favorite word?

serendipity

92) How do you feel about tattoos?

i have three and i love em. go for it pal

93) Do you have any pets?

i have four dogs

94) How tall are you?

5′7

95) How old are you?

20

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?

my hair, my eyes, my stomach

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about?

yes i am v passionate about supporting other women!!!! and also about trying to be kind to everyone the most you can be bc i hear so many people spout rude things about people they don’t even know (esp when driving) and it’s like stop and listen to yourself lmao

98) Do you have trust issues?

a little bit but i’m trying to be more open and it hasn’t hurt me yet so

99) Do you believe in love at first sight?

absolutely not. that’s called infatuation

100) What are some words that you live by? Why?

two quotes: “anything that costs your peace is too expensive” and “let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier”.

i think the first one is important because i have a tendency of putting myself through a lot of shit to make other people happy and then i’m really unhappy and it’s just not a good way to live. i am really trying to learn this one. and the second one i think is important because being good to other people is a very important thing and i think you never know when somebody else needs that