#sparkrant

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

This is pretty unlike any of my other content so feel free to skip but I just wanna ramble-

I've been thinking about life a lot recently- mine specifically. I've not gone to college yet and honestly I've discovered a lot of stuff about myself that makes decisions a lot harder than they seemed before.

I joke that I'm the token cis straight person of the group- but its true. What I want is pretty in line with semi-traditional gender roles. I'm a femme cis woman and I want to be a mother (whether that's biological kids, adopting, or merely fostering kids and teens) .

but that motherhood is where things get a bit messy. It brings up the question: What do I want to be? Most of my ideas for careers are really focused on pediatrics in medicine (specifically occupational therapy, counseling, or research in general) or other child/teen-focused careers (like social work, teaching, etc). What should I pursue alongside being a mother? could it wait until the kids are in their teenage years and I get a degree then? Do I want to get an actual degree before anything and then figure it out from there? I don't know-

Occupational therapy has kinda been in my mind for a while- I had a wonderful one when I was little who helped me with a few fine motor functions along with working in emotional regulation and play. Even now- I don't remember her name, but I still smile because she was just so kind. She didn't tell little me to shut up when I cried. She helped talk me through it. She didn't scold me for holding the pencil wrong, she got me grippers and encouraged me to correct it slowly. For many kids, they don't have adults like that. I want to be an adult kids can trust.

But the main issue is expenses and time working. I don't know when I'll get married and I don't plan on having children when I'm not married, but there's income and everything to figure out. I think I might just be worrying way too much about it right now because I've gotta work on transitioning into actual adult stuff- but its hard not to think about it. My little scared brain wants to have a plan, even if it's a fuzzy one-

I also want to figure out a smaller set of jobs to look into. I've got a good variety to choose from right now so that's what makes it difficult. But, just gotta tell myself I got this and it'll all be okay. I can figure this out another day.

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

Educate your kids. but don't give them full freedom at like the age of 8 to the online world. tools exist for a reason, and it's better for a child to grow up more in the real world (ESPECIALLY IN NATURE) than with their eyes stuck to a screen

[freakingfreedo]

I really need someone to help me forget about my ex and just a really ready spark from collage, me my the spark last night and it just brought some old feelings, we are always at the wrong place in our lives and always just miss each other emotionally.

[coelpts]

Aaaaahhhhh i feel like shit and i need to rant for a bit i always want to talk to my mom about the pressures of school and the detrimental effects its having on me but the last time i tried to have this conversation i had already broken down crying from near continuous accusations and she proceeded to tell me that ‘work is more stressful than school, so be glad youre not working’. oh really…? oh really. lets take this metaphor to its logical conclusion.

youve recently started a job at a new company. its pretty exciting, and everyone says it will look great on your resume. lots of people that have worked here have gone on to some pretty fancy pants stuff, graphic design, engineering, forensic scientists, you name it. you wake up about six in the morning, get yourself all gussied up, and off to work. the moment you get there youve got seven new bosses you have to visit and introduce yourself to in one eight hour period. each boss immediately starts teaching you something different at once- this ones teaching proper ettequite when dealing with roudy customers, youve got proper packing techniques over here, how to fix a broken machine- an immediate crash course to everything, even the stuff thats completely out of your feild and you might know diddly about. each boss then gives you a contract to sign and a large stack of paperwork due the next day on how to properly label boxes, ect. not doing either of these on time earns you ridicule and the high possibility of being fired. and its not just you thats in this. theres about three hundred people just like you, wandering into different offices and being given this obscene amount of day-one papers. they come from all walks of like, girls and guys, rich and poor. some of them are completely rude and idiotic while still doing just enough to keep their job; others are doing top work but are degraded because they were expected to do better. any amount of creativity or out-of-the-box thinking is outlawed. do it by the book. dont question how we do things. just do it. there is no better way to do this and if you think there is you are wrong. if you even try to defy these rules, you could recieve lower marks on your paperwork and consequently get fired. and thats not even counting the actual work you have to do every day! even after cramming all of this into your thoughts, youre still probably going to have to work from the time you finish your final boss visit until just about bedtime. so i hope you got a decent lunch packed, because youre in for the long haul! and even after this, all of your bosses expect you to work with your peers, be sociable and friendly, get enough sleep, always be on time, be a member of a union and attend their meetings, and get all of your work done on time and turned in immediately.

that got messy fast.

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

what is in the water this month goodness

we’ve got so many bad people being exposed (which I’m all for, don’t get me wrong, get them outta here)

just all in march? (Or like close to being march)-

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

This is a lil of a different post- probably quite a rare one. You can skip it if you'd like- (i'll be talking about Christianity- in a positive way, I'm explaining the misunderstandings of the previous posts).

1 ) One should not "fear" God, one should respect/revere him. All I've seen, even in confession brochures, is that you shouldn't be scared or fear God, but you should be ashamed of your sins because you love Him. If you wrong a friend, do you feel bad about it? I'd hope so. There are many churches who take the wording of some of the scriptures and instruct their followers in an incorrect way, telling them to fear God. 1 John 4:18 acknowledges exactly what you're saying; "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” (the next verse continues with "We love Him because he first loved us.")

2 ) Hell is not really a punishment. One goes to Hell by choosing to be separate from God- and therefore, when one is separate from God, who embodies all good and love, then it will be painful. Scripture commonly refers to this as "burning", because that's the closest one can get to describing being away from all good.

3 ) "Christianity is one of the biggest shelter for abusers" maybe those who are Christian in name and not in action, but overall, true Christians should not abuse. Especially right now, Christianity has and is becoming more of a thoughtless badge rather than something that truly means anything to the individual- a social thing. Especially because many can assume that someone who goes to church wouldn't hurt others- which is incorrect, because many use Christianity to sort of deter others from looking into their doings. The important thing about this is that it isn't Christianity that's the issue, it's the people using it to cover up their misdeeds. You don't blame a mask for hiding someone's identity, you blame the one who put it on for using it.

There are bad people in the world. and there are about 7-8 billion people in the world. it sorta makes sense that some of those people would call themselves Christian and at the same time take advantage and hurt others. But that is not right. One should not fear God, one should understand that he is omnipresent and therefore respect his authority, but also understand that he loves his creation. Part of that love is letting us have the choice to turn away from him. For if you are made to love and be near something you've actively chosen to walk away from- that's not love. Turning to the common saying; If you love them, let them go.

This isn't a post to evangelize, but I myself believe that if you're going to make fun or criticize something, at least understand it first. Have a good day, everyone- if you would like to ask me questions, I am happy to answer them, but I request you ask the questions in a civil manner. Additionally, this is most DEFINITELY not a post to condemn anyone. I'm not in the business of creating anger or fear, just explaining things ! :]

Have a great day!

Christians hate when a gay man goes “fuck it, I’ll gladly go to Hell if you want me to so bad” because it takes the edge away from their tools of fear. If they can’t scare you with threats of eternal damnation then one of their main weapons is taken away.

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

[Vent] [TW include: violent language, mentions of sort of phantom stuff caused by being overwhelmed, etc]

I don't know why I'm so irrationally angry.

I've taken my meds. I've drank water. I've stretched. I've drawn. I've taken deep breaths. But still every time someone calls me to go help them do something or another I just get so frustrated. It feels like there are claws tearing into my back but I can't do anything to stop it.

There's so much to do and so little time. So many stupid odd jobs and chores that MUST be done RIGHT NOW because parent says so. I want to yell and scream and hide away and listen to music all day but I can't. And that's not healthy either. just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I'm so tired of people. I'm tired of unforgiving, relentlessly demanding fathers. I'm tired of people excusing the deaths of thousands because it suits them better not to get involved. I'm tired of emotions I don't understand because I cannot understand where they came from other than "TOO MUCH."

Life sucks sometimes

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

Hello! I need medication for life to prevent my lungs from collapsing, this implies permanent treatment with steroids, oxygen therapy, control of oxygen in the blood and antibiotics to prevent the development of bacteria in the lungs.

I'm afraid I have to insist on this because it may be the only way to get my treatment.

I need medication for life to keep my lungs from collapsing, this costs around $700 per month.

Things are really tough on me,I can’t afford. Please donate🖤

I'm so sorry about your situation- I unfortunately cannot donate due to a handful of reasons-

to anyone reading this, here's a link to one of their posts:

<3

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

SOS SMP has been going on for a bit- and while I've only watched a little bit of it, the outrage around the lack of lore seems so weird to me.

Because for one- these creators owe nothing to you specifically. It is your choice whether to consume the content. If you want lore, go write it yourself! Make your own characters, then you have a world of adventure at your fingertips you can daydream about.

Secondly, there is so many more lore SMPs out there you could watch, that are just as good as what your favorite big streamer's or youtuber's do. Go back and watch Pirates SMP! Look for other SMPs, like Kaboodle SMP, Fable SMP, Siege SMP, etc- Go back and watch Outsiders SMP, or Rats SMP!

You are not entitled to anything from the creators you watch. Sending death threats and harassment because this one SMP doesn't have lore compared to the thousands that do is just showing how much of an entitled child you are. Suck it up, and if you don't like it- don't watch it!

[ooftheartist]

THIS. I agree with everything you said.

Season two AND three both felt so soulless! like you said, like filler seasons. Bee (and breakdown) were almost completely excluded from season two, then he gets one episode in season three WITH breakdown, and they completely destroy everything season one built for them? What about breakdown LITTERALY SACRIFICING HIMSELF for bee? All the character development Breakdown got just for it to all be washed away in the first episode. He and bee were made out to be best friends to the point where breakdown sacrificed himself so Bee could escape, then in season three the writers reduced him back down into just another "Bad guy decepticon" WHEN HE WAS SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

I could Litteraly yap about this forever BRO NOT TO MENTION THEY DID STARSCREAM SO DIRTY TOO.

The whole season we got clips of him standing mysteriously looking down on everyone through Terratronus's eye and I GENUINELY thought he was gonna have a super cool comeback?! AND INSTEAD THEY JUST- DEACTIVATED HIM??? WHAT???

And the decepticons just sort of left the planet?? like I know they didn't come back because there were only 7 episodes and they went to cybertron, but it felt so rushed/random? idk.

ALR OKAY that really sent me on a rant- the whole show seems to be going down the drain and its so sad to see 😿

Is it just me or is anyone else not impressed with ES season 2.5 (3??)

Ramble below - Spoilers(?)

Okay so...the trailer. I feel nothing but indifference. Why? Well let me just say...

1. This is adding nothing of value

By this I mean like...the premise seems so redundant and filler. The whole infection??? Its the same thing as the mandroid chips from season 1 and 2. Them getting all aggressive and fighting each other and oohhh the kids gotta help them and??? That's literally just the same thing as season 1 but everyone's red now. This feels redundant. And more as a filler than any of the filler episodes of season 1. The whole new premise seems just...washed out and a copy paste.

2. The characters

I hate the whole breakbee thing now. Season 2 ruined it. They never interacted never showed any fallout. And the supposed tweet about them "fighting each other to say face" is definitely more of a headcannon than ever even glimpsed. And then there's the whole Bumblebee episode with Breakdown. Which just feels so forced...like a 180 to everything again...And talking about Bumblebee, giving him a standalone ish episode after being made a joke side character for the first batch of season 2. This applies to all the other characters, none or them feel like they've grown or anything (back to point 1).

The only thing of value (arguably) is Prowl...and even then he seems a little overdesigned compared to the others in the show. Like a different mold compared to the cohesive designs of the other bots. And then there's the rumor of Mirage being in here maybe...it's just hhhh

3. Marketing

So this is season 3 now?? Season 2.5?? Hasnro claims they're gonna drag this to 2026 and now that's concerning given this trailer. If it's just going to be filler until it bankrupts. In the you department, it's also stagnant with hashtag being the only valid toy to really be added cus Prowls a repaint.

Anyway ramble over

Overall I'm not very enthusiastic, I'm still going to watch this. Given that this show meant so much to me, and it does feel disheartening to watch it slowly drain down.

Anyway I'm open for discussion. Truly I want to know what others think. Because I've only seen hype for Prowl.

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

Is anybody else's like- non human phantom limbs uncomfortable?

I don't consider myself therian or otherkin, rather just leaning more towards hyperphantasia and writing non-human characters throughout my life- especially from 8-ish onward (such as cats, half-human half-animal characters, dragons, etc)-

My phantom limbs usually only appear when I'm feeling very strong emotions. I usually get wings, long ears, and a lion-like tail (but I have gotten like- felt like my legs were faun-like). But its usually just the wings and ears that get uncomfortable. Generally it's also linked to when I'm feeling more negative emotions. So I'm unsure if it's just like my negative emotions concentrating in a physical area and then becoming uncomfortable (or even like- overwhelming in and of themselves, or causing a minor amount of pain).

But anyways I'm just a bit confused about why they're uncomfortable- and if there's any way to fix this?

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

as we go into this arc of Fablesmp, I'd like to say it again as the mods have been doing- this applies to any lore smp

Backseat lore-ing is not cool

As "things" in sherbert's chat- technically we are outside people

However... other chats haven't set up that boundary. There's not really anything that says the auras or allays or sparks or fish would know that information! Of course the souls would know, but they can't hear them

It would rush the story if they listened... and don't you want more episodes of Fable?

etiquette, folks, etiquette.

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

help guys my fam is just trying to sleep and my brother just had someone cuss him out and threaten to beat him up because he asked them to stop slamming doors at midnighttttt

hope I don't dieeeeeeee

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

Does anyone else who's demi-aroace and has/had a partner mind giving me a bit of advice on this?

So I'm dating a guy rn (I'll refer to him as Okapi btw!)- and I'm like- 98% sure I'm in love with him. But I have a really hard time describing what that feels like, exactly- just like.... I want to be around him. and I trust him. I like when he smiles and how when he gets excited about things his eyes light up. He's a great storyteller as well.

But... My therapist asked me what makes him different from a friend- and I'm not sure if it was just how caught off guard I was, or if it's just.. me? I couldnt really come up with an answer past "It feels different."

but like- we started as friends. But I'm not sure if that makes it different appearance wise compared to like- normal dating? Additionally- we've never kissed. Most is handholding and hugs/leaning on each other and all. I like sitting near him- but I don't quite fancy the idea of kissing him? it might be that I've never kissed anyone before? I mean I also dont like fantasize about what he looks like shirtless. It doesn't really matter, I suppose- at least to me-

Has anyone else had a similar experience? do you have any advice?

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

I hate the fact that my grandma forced me to take one of HER raincoats and then I accidentally lost it and she won't keep pestering my MOTHER about it. Ma'am I am past the age where you need to cry to my mom. Treat me like an actual adult and ask ME. Yeah I lost it and I'm sorry for that but I also told you 50 TIMES i didn't need it but noooo I really needed it even tho I already had an umbrella.

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

My history professor keeps criticizing my assignments because I don't focus on literally every detail. Sir you gave me 400 words. We discussed like 12 things. I can't do that in 400 words