#space lesbians have ruined my life pt 2

[todayis-snowy]

eldritch plaything

[mediocre-writerr]

for forever [toni shalifoe]

toni shalifoe x reader

request #1: pt. 3 of almost please!!

request # 2: can I please request another the wilds girls x reader where they visit her post island and turns out the smallest of the group has build up her walls and som much more quiet. Turns out being without them made everything worse and big sister Fatin, Leah and Toni are the first one to notice. Light angst with lots of fluff

*not my gif*

The place you wanted to be at most when you were stuck on the island seemed to be mocking you. The walls reminding you of what was, before all of the trauma and the heartache and the loss. How terrible, yet so simple your life was before the crash. 

And no one was around anymore. After our press tour for being the unsinkable nine and all of the interviews and the news stories. The court cases and the lawyer things. The girls weren’t around as much as you’d like. Even Toni, who was busy helping Martha’s family through this rough time. Shelby was also busy, trying to find a new place for her and Dot to stay and she created a place where everyone who’s a part of the church, who are also gay and lesbian can go to still believe in God and have a safe space. So even though they were only a couple minutes away, it still felt like worlds apart.

The only people who actually understood what happened and what you were going through were gone.  Sure, there was therapy and the meetings with social workers and the medicine they’ve prescribed. But no one can beat the PTSD and the loneliness you feel.

But they were all in your hometown and decided to pay a little visit. The doorbell rang and you could hear your mom answer it, guiding them towards your room.

You could hear the footsteps pattering towards you. Your door flew open and Toni ran straight to your arms. You held her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“Hi love.” she whispered.

“Hey.” you whispered back, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible, but you kept falling short. You hoped Toni didn’t notice, but she did. She always did.

The rest of the girls gave you small hugs and you tried your best to smile back at them, but it was just hard. Everything was harder now, especially knowing that they were gonna be gone by the end of the day. And you’re gonna be all alone with your thoughts.

“How has everyone been doing?” you asked. Toni put her head on your shoulder. All of the girls scattered around the room and squished onto your bed.

“I’ve been great!” Rachel exclaimed, “I’ve been seeing a therapist for everything that happened on the island for my eating disorder. We’ve been making really great progress!”

“Fatin, did you ever end up fucking the guy with the biggest dick?” you chimed in and you all laughed. But as hard as you tried to pull out a genuine laugh, it just kept falling short.

“Yeah I did actually. And let me just tell you so worth the wait!” she exclaimed and we all chuckled.

“Hey, you?” Leah said at the foot of your best, trying to get your attention with her foot. You hummed in response, “What’s going on in that little head of yours?”

You shook your head, “Nothing, I’m fine.”

“She’s lying.” Shelby and Toni point out at the same time.

“Yeah, your vibe is like really off.” Fatin chimed in.

“Guys I’m fine!” you snapped and they all seemed to cower at your usual coolness finally snapping, “It doesn’t matter anyway because at the end of the day all of you are going to leave.”

“What do you mean?” Dot asked.

“I’m glad all of you are doing so well, but it makes me feel weak! I go to my therapy sessions and I can’t even talk about what happened to me without immediately breaking down.” you whispered, eyes tearing up, “All of you are out living your lives, but I can’t. I’m so alone all the time. And none of you are around anymore. The people who really understand me are gone.”

Shelby comes to your side, “You know I’m always here, right?”

“No! None of you are ever here!” you exclaimed and the tears started pouring from your face, “I’m sorry. I should be happy all of you are moving on and doing better. I’m so selfish, I’m sorry.”

“Oh Y/N,” Leah comes in and gives me a hug, “Just because we’re all doing better doesn’t mean that we’re not not okay.”

“There are good days and bad days. We all have them. And it doesn’t make you weak that you’re taking a longer time than others.” Rachel explained.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Shelby questioned, “I would’ve been here in a heartbeat.”

“I know, but look at me. I’m such a downer, today was supposed to be a fun day and I just ruined everything.” you said , tears slowly stopping.

“You’re not though. We’re the only ones who know about what happened on the island. And it’s a bigger struggle for you because you were tortured and interrogated for days.” Fatin added on.

“I wish you told me.” Toni whispered, placing a soft kiss to your lips, “You’re strong Y/N. We’re all gonna be okay.”

///

tag list: @hstoria @yourssincerelyj @shalifoestilinski @greysky22

[singtheskyandfightlikehell]

Eurovision 2019 Opinions

Well, the 26 countries that will be participating in the final are official now, so here’s my in depth thoughts about each entry, ranked from least favorite to favorite along with explanations and a 10 pt rating system. honestly i thought this year was solidly mediocre. a few i really like, about 3 i can’t stand, and the rest are all smack dab in the middle of “decent”. of course, these are just my opinions and I totally get that people will disagree with them. i don’t really care. yeah there’s a few i’ll judge you for, but frankly my opinion shouldn’t matter to you. i’m just posting it for my own record and for anyone who might be curious

26. Slovenia (0/10) I know a lot of people like this entry, but frankly, I cannot stand it. It’s boring. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. If I wanted to watch an m/f couple - or, you know what, any couple - stand really close to each other and mumble for three minutes, I - I don’t actually know where I’d go, because I can’t conceptualize myself ever wanting to see that.

25. Denmark (0/10) Again, why? This entry annoys me a lot, and the only reason I didn’t put it last was because I appreciate the use of more than one language. It’s my least favorite parts of all kids shows combined coupled with a message that honestly I disagree with. It feels a bit like she’s judging me for being upset at injustice in the world when I should just shut up and be happy about what I have. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe it’s acceptable to ignore atrocities just because my life is filled with good things. I could imagine this song being the welcoming number in a musical staged in one of those “everything is perfect on the outside but inside it’s the creepiest shit you’ve ever seen” towns that’s used to hypnotize the protagonist into not noticing the creepy shit

24. Estonia (1/10) I don’t honestly dislike this song, but it does bore me. He’s a mediocre singer with a mediocre song. Also I can’t get past the fact that he rhymes “this” with “this”. It distracts me and ruins the whole thing.

23. Czech Republic (2/10) I really didn’t like this one at first. It was irritating and the lyrics were weird. However, I surprisingly enjoyed the live performance. The lead singer has some charisma on stage. Good for him.

22. San Marino (3/10) No idea how he got to the final (I know it’s bc he’s a meme, but still), but I don’t hate the song. I don’t think it should win, but honestly, I think it’s fun. His voice is ridiculous, but I can stand it for three minutes.

21. UK (4/10) I definitely feel like this is the kind of generic song I’ve heard many times before, but he does a good job with it, and ultimately it’s alright. His hair makes me think of Finn Shelby from Peaky Blinders, but that’s neither here nor there.

20. North Macedonia (4/10) Honestly, I feel like I should like this song more than I do. She has a good voice, and the song has a good message. Unfortunately, it’s just never clicked with me, and I often find myself tuning out while listening to it.

19. Israel (5/10) I like his voice. He sells the emotion. Not a gripping song, by any means, but not bad. Some of the rhymes feel a little forced, like the lyrics were written specifically so that they would rhyme, rather than because they have meaning.

18. Germany (5/10) This one gets stuck in my head sometimes, but I’m okay with that. Tbh, I quite like it. Plus, the whole “sisters (but I’d say girls in general) are taught to tear each other down but need to build each other up instead” theme is one I wholeheartedly support. I spent too many years hating everything associated with girls because society told me to.

17. Malta (5/10) I go back and forth on this one a lot. Parts of it I like, parts of it I don’t. It feels a bit different to me, but not like, in a revolutionary way. The singer is strong, and it definitely gets the award for most colorful performance, literally!

16. Serbia (5/10) I feel like I’ve heard this entry before, too, but specifically at Eurovision. Still, she does a good job with it, and I like her armor-inspired jewelry. Plus, it’s not in English!

15. Belarus (5/10) Another one I go back and forth on. I find this is very good study music - energetic and repetitive enough not to be distracting. I don’t love it (I’m even hesitant to say I like it lmao), but people really ought to stop hating on her so much. She’s sixteen. Let her have her fun.

14. Albania (6/10) I really liked Albania’s entry this year tbh. I didn’t feel she sang as strong in the semi-final as she did in the music video, but otherwise I thought it was a very powerful song. The staging was pretty cool, too!

13. Azerbaijan (6/10) I loved everything about this except the refrain. The “shut up about it” bit starts to get on my nerves by about the second refrain. But the verses sounded cool and the staging was awesome!

12. Sweden (6/10) Not the most exciting song in the world, but he sounds good, the ladies sound great, and there’s nothing I dislike about the song or staging.

11. Cyprus (6/10) Not as good as the music video, sadly, but still catchy and fun. I didn’t really like it the first time I heard it, but it’s grown on me since. I felt bad for her being put on the spot with that one “are you mad about Cyprus losing last year” question.

10. Greece (6/10) Definitely grew on me. I tuned out of it the first time I heard it. Prior to the semi finals I thought it was alright. But she really gave us the lesbian dream, huh? Ladies with neat clothes and swords, plus a garden? What more can you ask for lmao

9. France (7/10) Feels kinda standard to me, but not in the worst way possible. Sometimes I get really into it, other times it’s just a nice song. I’ve been liking it a little bit more each time I hear it, though.

8. Netherlands (7/10) The favorite to win, and I’d be okay if it did. Not my favorite this year, but a solidly good song. I have to be in the right mood to want to listen to it, but when I am? Fucking amazing. Also, considering he never left the piano (and didn’t light it on fire), he gave a pretty good performance.

7. Spain (8/10) This song is so much fun, and it’s definitely going to end the competition on a high note. I’m also really curious to see the full version to know more about the life-size dollhouse and animatronic thing they’ve got going

6. Switzerland (8/10) I loved the music video more than the live performance, but regardless I thought this song was also really fun and, idk, snazzy? Love dancing to it while I fold laundry.

5. Australia (9/10) Australia’s staging was everything! I had them in the upper middle rankings until the semi-final, but honestly that looked cool as all fuck!! Her song is weird, but in a way that I can dig. Plus seeing her soar around like Glinda in space with two fellow witches is one of the highlights of Eurovision this year

4. Russia (10/10) Sergey is back and just like in 2016, I absolutely love him and his performance. I’ll admit, the shower thing was a bit weird, but the song sounded great live! Plus, he had a leg-up for me by going with fairy tale imagery in the music video.

3. Norway (10/10) Initially, I only liked the joiking. The other two singers have grown on me, though. This song is fun, the staging is cool, the singers are great, and then it gets quiet and the joik part comes in, and it’s so fucking cool!! Love it, love it, love it!

2. Italy (10/10) My favorite for a long time, only bumped out because I made the fortuitous mistake of watching Iceland’s interviews. I love the song. I love the message. The thing that impressed me most, though, was that this song is about something that isn’t even remotely close to anything that’s happened in my life. I do not relate to it at all. But despite having no personal connection to the topic, I could feel the emotion in it. For a brief three minutes, I could feel something that isn’t my reality but is the reality of many other people. And an artist who can do that is powerful indeed.

1. Iceland (10/10) If you couldn’t tell from the everything about my blog, I have firmly joined the camp of Hatari stans. It may surprise you, but I didn’t really like this song the first time I heard it. Then, I found out the meaning behind it and gave it another chance. Lo and behold, I liked it! It rose in my rankings from lower-middle to the number one spot between listening to it multiple times and watching all the Hatari content I could get my hands on. I totally understand the music being too far for some people, but as a metalhead during the not-Eurovision parts of the year, Hatari isn’t too far of a leap for me. I love the song. I love the staging. I love the costumes. I love the message. I love the band. I love how they interact with each other and everyone else. I love the bits on Iceland Music News. I love their trolling and sarcasm in the interviews. I love the anti-capitalism. I love their websites (seriously, check them out. they put a lot of effort into them). I love the way they approach issues that are important to them. I love the fact that they aren’t afraid of the tough subjects. I especially love that they aren’t trying to walk the popularity line (you see it all the time - for example, queerbaiting, where a tv show wants to appeal to all sides of an issue, so they make characters nearly lgbtqia+ but then throw in enough straightness to please conservatives). Hatari picks their side in each issue instead of trying to cater to everyone, and I respect that a lot. My reactions and emotions aren’t usually prominent or even necessarily visible, but there’s a chance I might actually cheer if they win.

Finally, the honorable mentions, aka countries that didn’t make it to the final but that I would’ve loved to see:

Hungary (in my original top 10) - loved him last time, loved him this time. Beautiful song, beautiful voice, beautiful staging

Georgia - my hopes weren’t high but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love it. There’s nothing quite like a good dramatic song, and this was as dramatic as they come

Portugal/Poland - the two most people were really miffed about in the first semi-final; I think they’d’ve been alright in the semi-final, but both depend entirely on my mood. sometimes I love, sometimes I hate

Croatia - the song was ‘meh’, the singer was fantastic, and the staging was Eurovision in all the right ways

Armenia - one of my early favorites. could’ve used some other people on stage, but otherwise I thought she did wonderfully

Romania - what can I say that hasn’t been said already? she brought everything! that was an experience and an amazing one at that. so disappointed she didn’t make it

and of course,

Ukraine - catchy, badass, wacky, and wlw? sign me the fuck up. So sad to hear what happened to her. I know people are saying this is why politics should be kept out of music, but that’s ridiculous. The real issue is when the issue/message isn’t coming from the artist. It should always be up to the artist’s discretion what they do or do not promote. Propaganda and censorship go hand in hand, which is why I am so bothered by the blanket statements I hear thrown around about Ukraine’s fiasco this year

And that’s all! I think I’ll be happy with anyone scoring a 7 or higher for me winning on Saturday. I wouldn’t be upset about a 6 winning either, I suppose.

Anyways, off to bed so I can make my snacks tomorrow lmao!