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silver--scar · 9 months ago

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MEET THE SP OC

TW: Mild blood and mentions of sensitive topics

Welcome to my first entry on this list! Inspired by @skenisasleb 's intro posts for their South Park characters, I realized that I wanted to do the same since I thought it would be fun! I will be following a similar format to theirs within this post and future ones to come. This is part one after all :D

So everyone put your hands together for my first ever South Park oc, Ashton Roscoe! (Below is his outfits during certain "episodes" or "b-plots", whatever you wanna call them. I'll be happy to explain them if there are questions, but I'll only go over a few in this post!)

The Basic Life

Ashton Roscoe is an only child, living an average life in an average two-story home with average parents. They're maybe a little distant, but nothing too concerning.

He is one of the newer kids to South Park. Like, freshly new. He is left in a constant state of confusion with just how bonkers South Park can be and has yet to get accustomed into his new life. Otherwise, he has a pretty mellowed out mood with a hint of stubbornness.

He owns a massive cardboard fort deep in the woods of South Park. Who knows what goes on in there, and why he lays so many traps around the area? (It's role-play. It's literally just a place to keep his Stick of Truth items) And he likes to dig! But unlike Christophe, he digs for treasure. Bits and bobs. Doodads. Thingamajigs.

Relationships

There's nothing too special in Ash's bonds with his friends and family, and especially so being demisexual. He has three buddies, Lucio Connors, Robert 'Bubba' Hendrix, and Killian Manfred. Your typical, all guys friend group.

Out of everyone, he's most likely closest to Lucio due to them meeting when Ash moved in to the town. He helped Ash get around and learn everything there is to know with a kind attitude to boot, while Lucio greatly enjoys meeting someone who isn't a wackjob.

Bubba and Killian were already friends with Lucio before, so it helped Ash ease in quicker with the people around him. Bubba is the prankster who Ash tolerates. He always stands on guard around the guy, waiting for when he might strike with his next trick. It gets a bit mentally draining with it all, especially with the constant chatter about girls and dating or the next big prank.

Ash and Killian are a mixed bag. They get into arguments a few times, with who being in the right constantly switched around. But otherwise, they're tight knit, and they often defend one another during troubles. Ash appreciates Killian when they're on good terms and likes to listen to his conversations, but it wears thin when Killian gets zooted out of his mind and gets into his usual existential crises.

In terms of South Park? He tries his utmost to avoid the gang (i.e. Stan's and Tolkien's friends) and is pretty successful sometimes.

Lore Galore

Since Ash was my New Kid while playing the South Park games, it's only obligatory to go with those first. His personas are Ashpatch the Thief and Ezkaton!

These characters are something Ash put way too much effort in due to his affinity of escaping the world around him. He loves to play pretend.

Ashpatch is a thief class. He chose this because not only is he a natural at sneaking, he's an avid tinkerer. Most of his weapons, albeit rudimentary, are all handmade. He might put the things he nabbed to good use. At first, he just went by Ash, refusing to go by Douchebag but being too lazy to correct others around him. But later on, with his growing infuriation of Kupa Keep, Ash took the opportunity to switch sides the moment he saw it, donning the new name Ashpatch once he gained trust with the Elves.

He takes role-playing pretty seriously. As mentioned, he makes most of his weapons on his own out of objects he finds. If he wants something, he'll work his ass off to obtain it. Daggers, smoke screens, traps, you name it. Even though the other kids absolutely hate this, he doesn't care. He enjoys how it makes the games more authentic. And Ash even dressed the part, making an outfit to blend in the snow.

Ezkaton is his superhero persona, named after the word eschaton, meaning the final act of a divine plan. With a netherborn assassin class, Ash thought it was fitting to uphold an almost deity-like theme, and also because he's an edgy little boy... And also because he wanted to repurpose his abandoned Ghost cosplay, but he will never admit this.

His shawl is a Christmas tree skirt, and just like with Ashpatch, he crafts most of his inventory himself (aside the glowing scythes duh). He also works alone. The other kids don't really understand and think it's to keep up this 'bad boy' persona, but the real answer is that Ash doesn't want to end up getting others hurt. Especially with how they fight actual crime. He'll help out, he ain't a dick, but he works better without worrying that the villains' and his actions will result in an accident.

The other heroes make jabs for how over the top he is, or how he's a Mysterion clone, and to that he says, fuck you, because he'd also rather not admit he spent days coming up with an original identity only to be stumped. Plus, why be a superhero who isn't skilled at what he does? Ash is great at sneaking and traps. Why stop now?

"The Game Never Ends" (Assassin Ash)

If there's one thing to know about Ash, he's a tad bit gullible. There are times where he's skeptical, but those moments are few and far between. After the gang plays a match of paintball with a bunch of other kids, Bubba offhandedly mentions that paintball 'is never really over.' There's a few laughs, but over time, Ash gets insanely paranoid. And so, he goes around town finishing the job, taking out anyone to achieve his victory. Don't worry, there's only two counts of manslaughter.

"The Crystalites" (Album Debut Ash)

Ash loves music. It practically runs through his veins. If you want to find him, chances are he's in his backyard drumming it out in his dad's shed. He's debuting his first album for the town of South Park with his one man band, The Crystalites. However, it seems there are many obstacles he has to overcome, with that being money, gaining a crowd, organizing the event, and scrap bandits. People who are dismantling objects for an extra buck. So it's up to Ash to make his debut successful, and protected from grubby hands.

"Hardcore Parkour" (Parkour Ash)

Parkour is the next big thing in South Park. Everyone's doing it (well, every kid is), but it seems for some reason, Ash can't get the hang of it! He used to be a master at running around and climbing the strangest things during games, so why can't he get this right? Determined, he tries to figure out the cause of his 'curse' and actually stick a landing while his friends go on to the big leagues of competitive parkour.

"Alive and Buried" (Grave Crawler Ash)

Remember when I said his parents were not too concerning? Well it gets concerning. Every South Park kid has their traumas.

How does his family have the money to afford everything? Money laundering. And his dad is heavily in the business. However, a recent investigation showed that he was a suspect and CPS is threatening to take Ash away. With his mother being heavily distraught, the dad is blinded by the very thought of this and vows to keep Ash safe. He tries different things, but push comes to shove, and the poor boy is buried alive the last minute before cops arrive. Thankfully he managed to dig himself out, but his dad is arrested as he resurfaces. Now he has heavy claustrophobia and taphophobia. Ash would've liked to have kept all of this to himself, but news spreads around quickly in South Park.

"Supernatural Squatters" (Ghost Hunter Ash)

Ash and Lucio believes ghosts exists, much to Killian's and Bubba's mockery of it. Wanting to prove them wrong, they make a bet for the four to stay overnight at an abandoned building rumored to be haunted. Geared to the teeth, the kids venture in and finds exactly what they were looking for. Drugged out squatters. Now they must exorcise them to free their souls.

Thank you all so much for reading! I'm certainly going to do more for the rest of my South Park ocs. I'll also post a bit more images that couldn't fit within this post. Thank you skenisasleb for the idea! 🙏

#fanart #south park #south park fanart #traditional art #digital art #new kid south park #new kid sp #sp new kid #south park new kid #south park oc #south park original character #oc info #oc intro #silvergrade ocs #ashton roscoe #sp oc

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cheesy-poofs · 2 years ago

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Why Kyman?

This was a long time coming, so I decided it would be fun to touch upon some of my feelings on this ship Its mostly because its the ship I decided to stick with and I'm not a huge shipper in general. Honestly I didn't ship anything for most of the time I watched the show. Style, Kenman, Bunny, ect. never appealed to me because I thought they would work the same as friends (not that I have anything against those ships). Cartman and Kyle are a different story, though.

These are my feelings as of now, and are always subject to change. This is less of a meta post, and I mostly made it to think through some of my feelings about Kyman and some other ships. I touch upon some controversies lightly. This is not meant to be a discourse post, however.

Well, let's proceed. I wrote this all in one sitting, so its not well-thought out or anything, I might clean it up later or specify things better but in the meantime, I'm posting this raw.

First off, I'll touch upon how I ended up getting into it.

As for when I realized I loved Cartman and Kyle's dynamic a lot, it begun in the episodes "Tonsil Trouble" and later on "Cartman Finds Love" which made me appreciate the humor of the ship. When I finished watching the show, I thought it would be fun to look into the different ships of the fandom and decide what I liked. This actually begun with Candy (Cartman x Wendy) because I enjoyed their episodes and thought they were funny. But something felt like it was missing in that ship; it just didn't feel like there was enough there, and my interest in it was short-lived.

Then I came across my first Kyman fic, and if its not evident, I ended up really liking that fic...and reading a ton more Kyman fanfics and falling deeper into this ship. I don't read fanfics anymore because a lot of them don't quite capture the characters in a way I enjoy, but it did lead to me obsessing over Kyman and rewatching most of the episodes about them.

Then I made this account. I lurked on here for a while but I think I started actually posting on Stan/Trey's birthday. I was happy to see a lot of other people who still enjoyed Kyman, let alone South Park. I didn't touch social media during my first binge of the show, save YouTube or sometimes Pinterest. I also had no friends who liked South Park at the time, which was part of the reason I made a Tumblr in the first place. I wanted somewhere I could actually see people who were as obsessed as I was/am.

This was when I learned that Kyman was controversial. Honestly, I never thought of Kyman as "Nazi x Jew" because I didn't define them as characters purely based upon that. I never really saw Kyman as a wholesome ship either, but I kind of liked that aspect because its a fucked up relationship on both ends. They're just fictional characters who often do really fucked up things because apart of South Park's humor is kids doing things they normally don't do. That's why I roll my eyes at people trying to argue which ships are "abusive" or not because it doesn't matter. They're not real. You can have distaste for ships or be uncomfortable with Kyman because of the nature of the ship, that's fine. But its really not as bad as people make it out to be; not inherently.

Recently, I've reconsidered my feelings about Cartman, but that doesn't ruin Kyman for me because, at the end of the day, I ship them purely for fun. I don't take this show that seriously. I also don't get people trying to argue that Kyman is less tropey than other ships because its honestly just typical "Enemies to Lovers" (which isn't a bad thing, but let's be honest with ourselves, its a huge fandom trope). I have no issues with people shipping Style even if its not my thing, and I'll admit a lot of Kyman shippers have this weird superiority complex. I probably used to, but I try not to come off that way anymore. When I say Kyman is the most interesting ship to me I try to make it clear that its only my very subjective opinion. I'm biased because its the first ship I latched onto, and I still enjoy it a lot and find comfort in it.

So to summarize some of my current feelings; I think Cartman is (obviously) a horrible person, and I think people try too hard to soften him up or make excuses for his actions. I enjoy people going over why Cartman is the way he is now, yes, and I think Cartman is a really damaged kid and I get sympathetic of him sometimes myself. He's my favorite for a reason, he wouldn't be the same character if he wasn't awful. But even if I've been a bit of a "Cartman apologist" myself, I've come to accept that he will likely always be awful, and that's fine; that's by design, that's his purpose in the show, and I love him for it. I think people feel guilty for liking Cartman when there's no reason to, just because you like him doesn't mean you're okay with his actions. There might be some dumbasses who idolize Cartman, but they probably shouldn't be watching South Park anyway. Let's not forget what kind of show this is:

I don't like it when people try to exclude Cartman either, because South Park would be nothing without him. I think about "The Death of Eric Cartman" a lot and how it shows that the boys could leave him anytime, and Kyle even admits that he knows Cartman thrives off attention (ironic since Kyle tends to give him a lot of attention, its a big reason why Cartman is so obsessed with him). My point is that the boys still choose to hang out with him despite it all, because they actually don't hate Cartman completely. Yes, they do sometimes, and they'll obviously say that they don't care about him, but often their actions show the opposite. Either way, he's a very significant part of the show, and I do not want to see the sanitized show other fans want this to be.

I don't think Kyle is quite as bad as Cartman (however I would argue Cartman, Stan, and Kyle are all huge assholes and deserve each other). Regardless, it won't stop me from shipping Kyman because I purely like the way they work off of each other, and I personally only care about Kyle when he's paired with Cartman. That's why Kyman is my only Kyle ship.

I thought this post would end up being longer, but I think I touched upon most of my thoughts. Remember, this isn't exhaustive, nor is it definitive. I essentially try to look at Kyman from a neutral perspective, acknowledging both of their faults while also not taking it too seriously, especially given what show we're watching. They're both interesting, layered, and morally questionable characters with a lot of episodes I really like. That's the gist of it.

#kyman #eric cartman

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hanaur-ime17 · 2 years ago

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This was fun, bingo by @2aryn2tar at twitter thank u.

Wowzie a straight line, an indication this season was good.

They reference old South Park - Well I mean....Kyle's gay little speeches came back in not one but two. ( Cupid ye / Worldwide privacy tour. )

They mention the queen/ pope's death - They only mention the queen and I'm sorry but I laugh on how her body was placed in the coffin ( worldwide privacy tour. )

They mention tiktok - They did and it was terrifying...in an entertaining way ( Cupid ye )

More gay things happen - Stan Marsh I know what you are.. ( Cupid ye ) + Rick and Garrison things ( Spring break )

outdated joke/ meme - Is dikinbaus can be considered being part of this. ( Dikinbaus hot dogs )

Episodes focus mostly on the kids - 4/6 in this season focuses on the kids AND I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY YESS.

Randy is annoying again - What do you expect from this. ( Japanese Toilets and Spring break )

The whole season is actually really good - Definitely better than season 25 I enjoyed each episode and most people agree with me.

Cartman says something offensive - Ehem ( Cupid ye )

A character is killed off - I mean the doctor died and he's a character despite it being his debute soooooooo ( Japanese Toilets )

Bonus: My personal episode rankings these season • Dikinbaus Hot Dogs • Deep Learning • Cupid Ye • Worldwide Privacy tour • Spring Break • Japanese Toilet

#south park #sp season 26 #south park season 26 #South park bingo #It was very fun to do actually

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school-sanctioned-movie-bullying · 8 months ago

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If the Fonz Could Jump Over a Shark With Jet Skis Then So Can I

So, The Flash didn’t end up being a very good show, but does that mean every long-running TV show is doomed to turn into crap? To answer my own question, no, it does not. Shows like The Simpsons or South Park have over twenty seasons each, and they are still going strong-ish. The reason that these shows were and are still able to continue running is continuity, or rather, a lack thereof.

Certain genres are able to get away with a lack of continuity between episodes, namely comedies. Comedies don’t have to introduce any season-long conflicts like most dramas do; most story arcs are contained to an episode or two. Animated comedies, in particular, tend to run for an obscenely long time because they don’t have to bother with continuity at all. It does not matter if Bart and Lisa travel to hell or if Kenny dies again; everything will be back to normal by the start of the next episode, and another equally ridiculous scenario can take place.

Conversely, continuity is an integral part of the network TV drama. If a major character went to hell, died, or both, they won’t be back like nothing happened at the start of the next episode. Everything in a drama show is continuous, and after a while, everything starts to add up.

To use The Flash as an example, there was always a big villain who would be defeated by the season’s end. In season one, Barry fought his longtime rival, the Reverse Flash. That is a good, succinct story. In season two, he fought Zoom, a serial killer with super speed. So Barry took down two big villains. Cool. In the following seasons, he also faces off against an evil clone of himself from the future, some dude with a magic knife, a guy who could turn himself into a giant blood-clot monster, and a lady who could phase through mirrors. I may have forgotten a few, probably because there were so many that they were hardly individually memorable. By the time Barry saved the world from five different supervillains, the stakes just didn’t feel very high anymore.

Even outside of action dramas, season-long arcs just don’t hold the same weight the more of them there are. Meredith Grey has been having shit going down in her hospital for 20 seasons on Grey’s Anatomy. You would think that a major character dying would hold a lot of weight, but pretty much every year someone gets hit by a bus or dies in a plane crash. After 15 or so deaths, they just stop being shocking.

Drama shows fundamentally cannot work well after so many seasons. The shock value that they rely upon to make the show interesting loses its value the more it is used. There comes a point when the stakes cannot plausibly be raised any higher, and that is when the show should end. Unfortunately, most shows don’t end at that point.

Many people agree that Happy Days probably should have ended after Arthur Fonzarelli jumped over a shark with water skis. It was ridiculous and stupid, and it marked a decline in the show's quality, but despite that, Happy Days went on to have another six seasons. When a show jumps the shark, like Fonzi did, it has officially overstayed its welcome. The longer it is stretched out after that, the worse it gets. So now I am going to do what so many network dramas should do: cut myself off. This post is officially over. Goodbye.So, The Flash didn’t end up being a very good show, but does that mean every long-running TV show is doomed to turn into crap? To answer my own question, no, it does not. Shows like The Simpsons or South Park have over twenty seasons each, and they are still going strong-ish. The reason that these shows are still able to continue running is continuity, or rather, a lack thereof.

#Long ass post #Honestly idk why you would read this whole thing #hahaha my professor has to read this whole thing #must suck to be him #Network TV Dramas #Rant #Sort of

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starfire-s · 4 years ago

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here’s a list of the best, mediocre and worst kdramas i watched in 2020

no one asked for this but it’s happening because i have thoughts (also all opinions are my own if you disagree then get well soon i guess... no i’m kidding make your own posts about it don’t hate me please) ahsjsj anyways click to read a lengthy post and if you actually read the whole thing then thank you i hope you enjoy this wild ride!

THE BEST KDRAMAS -

mystic pop up bar - this show had everything i ask from a kdrama literally i can name it all found family (to real family), well thought out characters, a mystery plot, special effects, soft romances that were well written, a happy ending! no show in 2020 even comes close to how good this one was! the writers literally guided you throughout the whole thing so you could come up with theories and didn’t do a ‘aha! gotcha’ thing where they want to prove the audience wrong but they wanted us to be right and satisfied! the worst part about the drama is that it’s still so underrated and people just brush it off as some random fantasy show but it’s so much more than that! 1000/10

flower of evil - who doesn’t want to see lee joon gi being the son of a serial killer, living with the name of a man who is in a coma, and hiding his real identity from his wife who is a detective? this show constantly had me at the edge of my seat on a weekly basis so the emotions i went through while watching this are unparalleled! the writers also did such a good job on writing a coherent story that made sense and tied up all the plot points in the end. just a really satisfying show to watch! 10/10

where your eyes linger - i literally bought a $8 viki pass to watch this show so it should tell you everything you need to know about how i feel ahsjsj the episodes were 10 minutes long but we got a good story with well written characters who got character development in a total of 80 minutes it’s insane! honestly it’s still hard to believe this show had rookie actors because they were just so emotive that you could feel all the happiness, sadness, yearning and pining! probably one of my fave kdramas this year because of the acting that i always constantly rewatch! would recommend 10/10

crash landing on you - okay so this drama was actually released on my birthday last year and it was a time in my life when i was going through a lot so maybe it’s the comfort this show provided me through that time this is why i have such a soft spot for it? like the romance was good, it was funny, there was found family, the nk soldiers were all softies, there were strong female leads, soft male leads!!! ahh!! no other show on this list made me think about the unification of south korea and north korea irl because i wanted se ri and jeong hyeok to be together 4ever! but the only issue i had with this show was the ending they gave seung jun if they didn’t do that i’d give this show a 10/10 but just for that they get a 9/10

psycho but it’s okay - this was one of those shows where you’re literally like ‘wow everyone here needs therapy’ but this show was amazing i loved the story telling and how each episode related to children’s book/fairytales! the writers also did a good job with how carefully they talked about mental health in depth without villainising their characters but actually tried to make the audience understand why they were this way which included all the side characters too who had a well thought out story in each episode! also the dynamic between moon young, kang tae and sang tae was everything to me the actors all did an amazing job portraying their characters, it truly was a healing drama. the only thing i didn’t like about this show was the whole plastic surgery plot with the mother like that was very far fetched but it provided drama so i’ll let it slide because the rest was amazing. this show is a solid 8.5/10

18 again - another underrated gem! who would’ve thought a remake of that zac efron movie could be this good!! lee do hyun stole this show for sure the way he portrayed his character and gave heart eyes to his kids (when he’s only 25 irl was the best thing i saw this year ahsjs) i loved the family dynamics in this show, i loved how it talked about what it’s like to be young parents and how society still think it’s taboo to be divorced! it’s a show that makes you laugh and cry at the same time and that’s why everyone should watch it! however, the biggest clown thing this show did to me though was that i got sls for the first time while watching a kdrama... hwang in yeop if u’re reading this i love u and u deserved better 🤡 that aside this show was a 8/10

itaewon class - i actually didn’t watch this drama as it was airing because i thought i wouldn’t enjoy the plot but when i watched it i binged the whole thing in 2 days and my biggest regret is i didn’t watch it sooner! everyone knows i have a soft spot for park seo joon since he’s my favourite actor i’ve literally watched all his dramas like he could star in the trashiest drama out there and i’d still watch it and be like wow (looking at she was pretty 👀) this show aside from the acting had one of the best revenge plots in a kdrama! just watching a character realistically hustle his way to reach the top while fighting the corrupt man whose son killed his father was so so satisfying to watch! however, the love triangle in this show was questionable idk what they were trying to do with that but it personally annoyed me! but still i’ll give this show a 7.5/10 because i enjoyed it a lot!

do you like brahms? - kim min jae and park eun bin.. that’s all you need to know about why this is a good kdrama! i’m usually not a big fan of melodramas and everyone knows i prefer rom coms but this show was just so perfectly melo that i loved all the angst and pain we got!! also just watching two introverted people awkwardly fall in love was amazing! the characters story arcs were also handled pretty well with song ah finally learning to speak up for herself and joon young learning to express how he truly feels! but... the love square? was probably the most annoying thing the rest in my opinion was nicely done! i know people had mixed feelings about the ending but i loved that after all the pain joon young and song ah went through they got a happy ending together! 7/10

find me in your memory - okay this show started off very slow and it was confusing at the start but as it progressed everything in the plot started to fall into place! i mean this show really took opposites attract to a new level where the male lead could remember every single detail from his life but the female lead had to forget some of her traumatic memories to help her cope with her life! they were also tied together through a mutual character who was a big part of their lives in a different way! just an interesting melodrama with interesting characters i liked it! and moon ga young... i love you queen!!! 7/10

THE MEDIOCRE KDRAMAS -

more than friends - was the storytelling in this show groundbreaking? no. was the acting decent? yes. also probably the main reason i stuck with this show until the end! i think we can all agree lee soo had the best character development on this show he started off as a bad boy who wore one ear stud to actually becoming a well liked character... who else did it like him? no one. also the chemistry between the mains was 🔥 but the second male lead was so annoying is there a opposite word for second lead syndrome because i had that for sure! i think the best part about this show was the people i watched it with on here... shoutout to the five of us ahsjsj also this show introduced me to a talented actor/singer like ong seong wu (y’all know my kpop knowledge is nonexistent so no i didn’t know he was in a band called wanna one) all in all a predictable show but i had fun watching it so 6.5/10

tale of the nine tailed - i didn’t actually watch this show i watched it through gifs and instagram posts ahsjsjs so am i qualified to talk about my opinion definitely no... will I talk about it anyways yes lmao. lee rang deserved better that’s all goodbye and take care. 5.5/10

start up - probably one of the most awaited opinions. y’all thought this would be in the worst kdramas section but i decided to give this show some rights. the show started off strong, lost it’s way after episode 6 and then the last episode gave me what i wanted so i have mixed feelings. the writing was not the best i think we can all agree, love triangle as a plot device? wow so groundbreaking 🤡 the characters on the other hand... i loved every single one of them i mean ship wars? i don’t know her. the show had a lot of potential that was wasted but we also got some cute moments between the characters so there was really no winning or losing with this show? but in all honesty you can’t put a talented cast together like this and then just decide to give the audience a mediocre plot but the writers did exactly that! i think i can redirect y’all to my ‘crimes this show committed’ post for a in-depth analysis. lastly nam do san was a GOOD and REFRESHING male lead and ji pyeong was also a GOOD and FUN second male lead!!! this show gave me the ugliest ship war ever that i was transported back to my high school tvd days so thank you for that!! but the cast was loveable and all had a lot of chemistry together so here’s a 5/10 maybe that's too generous but... i think the reason why i didn't enjoy watching this show as much was definitely because of the tag on here lmao

THE WORST KDRAMAS -

the king eternal monarch - i miss clowning this show so much. the amount of braincells i lost while trying to understand this plot... i should be compensated by the writers. however, woo do hwan was a treat to look at on a weekly basis... however the writers kept decreasing his screen time even though he had a dual role... make it make sense? and i cannot comment on the plot of this show because i still don’t understand anything? also in my opinion tae eul and lee gon were the most bland couple of 2020, there was no chemistry between them and there was just a random kiss in episode 5 and they randomly said i love you... where was the development? also lee gon was soooo boring and such a one dimensional male lead! literally all the side characters were so much more interesting and the cast was good... but this plot. 2/10

do do sol sol la la sol - i wanna fight the writer who decided that the plot twist on the show would be that jun is a minor? i had no expectations from this show but it looked cute and nonsensical but that plot twist made me run the other way so fast that i never looked back! just because jun is a boy they really thought this would be excused like lmao we all have critical thinking skills???? the clown behaviour. a solid 1/10

record of youth - i hate this show so much. imagine not utilising park so dam who just starred in the biggest oscar winning movie to her full potential. imagine just making her a love interest to park bo gum’s character in the year 2020. i watched it up until episode 6 and i kept waiting for her character to get development... but it never happened so i dropped this show. also this show featured the MOST useless love triangle i have ever seen in my life like what was the point? also park bo gum’s characters family was straight up annoying (minus the grandpa) but they got so much screen time like that should’ve been given to park so dam... also villainising a gay side character for no reason at all in the year 2020? this show was a waste of my time i want the 6 hours i spent watching this back. -100/10

backstreet rookie - i watched one episode of this and literally wanted to rip my eyeballs out of my head. idk what ji chang wook was thinking when he signed this drama i think he lost his ability to read because that's the only reasonable explanation for why he chose to star in such a dumpster fire show! this show had a racist character... had a high schooler kiss an adult... sexist jokes... just the worst things you can think of in a drama... this show had it. i still can’t believe so many people watched this show to the point where it had better ratings than pbio... really made me question everyone’s taste? but sorry can’t relate my taste is excellent so here’s the rating this show actually deserves -1000/10

if you made it this far... thank you for reading. let’s continue to love some kdramas together and get clowned by others in 2021! looking forward to it 😅

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d6official · 4 years ago

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K-pop’s Jae Park on the panic attack that triggered him to deal with his mental health issues

Jae Park of Day6 realised he hasn’t been doing well for a long time while on a car ride in April, when he was thinking he was going to die.

The 28-year-old K-pop singer-guitarist later learned he wasn’t having a heart attack, but was experiencing an intense panic attack born out of his struggle with anxiety.

“When you come to this … I wouldn’t say peaceful resolution, but a very frightening resolution that, ‘Yeah, I might die in here and I’m going to have to accept that,’ your perspective on things kind of changes,” he reveals.

“I realised I was putting things off for so, so long that I’d become numb to the fact that it was slowly physically manifesting. I was always a believer that you can just ride things out, even if you’re sick you go on stage and start working, and you won’t feel sick any more. Even if you have a headache, you sleep, you wake up, you feel better. I was always that kind of person. But it didn’t feel like that in that car ride.”

Now Park, who typically is known just as “Jae” in the K-pop world, is in a better place; he’s working on facing the circumstances of his life and making changes to take care of himself, including taking medication that helps take the edge off.

“I’ve been feeling a lot better, and learning more and more. After it happened I started delving deeper into the mental health aspect of what was going on with me as a person,” he says.

“[Poor} mental health isn’t a choice you make, but something that occurs to you due to your choices. You don’t choose whether to allow yourself to succumb to it, you just over time build up to the point where eventually everything crumbles down. You ignore your worries.

“You sweep everything under the rug, all your emotions, enough times for [it] to flip over eventually with everything on top of it.”

He’s since made it his aim to spread awareness of the impact of toxic positivity and of the importance of treating mental health as normally as treating physical health, because he spent the majority of his life unaware of the connection and the potential of his mental state to impact his physical health.

“It’s not something I want people to go through, so if I can do anything in this world before I leave it, let’s raise some awareness. And so if maybe someone has an episode like me, they’ll be able to look back on my interview or see through the campaign that, ‘Oh, this might be a panic attack.’

“I’ve since learned after that incident that a lot of panic attack first-timers assume they’re having heart attacks. It’s this imminent feeling that you’re going to die. On the walk home, I was crying.

“I don’t know if it was tears of joy or fear, but I just remember crying a lot.”

Why Jae Park launched his clothing line

Jae recently teamed up with charitable apparel brand Represent to launch his From Friends clothing line, one of the aims of which is to remind people that it is okay to turn to friends when they’re having a rough time, rather than always putting on a happy face and pushing emotions aside.

“I really wanted to let people know that it’s okay not to be okay. That’s what caused me not being able to function. If you’re still at a stage where you’re not sure if you’re okay, talk to friends. Talk about it, and realise you may be going through something bigger than you think.

“I’m not saying over-exaggerate every emotional hurdle you jump over, but I knew what I was doing when I was sweeping things under the rug.

“If you’re not at that point where you have to get on medication or need therapy or some other kind of treatment, you need to maybe stop what you’re doing and look at yourself real quick before you have an incident.”

Through the collaboration, Jae and Represent donated US$100,000 to the Jed Foundation, an organisation combating mental health stigma and raising awareness of suicide prevention among America’s youth. The artist grew up in California and only began pursuing a career in South Korea’s music world while taking a break from college back in 2012.

Jae wants to focus on talking about the experience with younger people, because he wishes someone had told him about the potential impact of ignoring mental health.

“‘From Friends’ was a thought that I had, that it would be more personable and relatable if the message came from a friend. ‘As a friend, I want to let you know that I screwed myself over by doing this, so this is my advice to you and I hope you take a look at yourself.’ Not the ‘yes’ men around you, your friends who are always telling you things are great even when they aren’t. Real friends will tell you when something is wrong. ‘You don’t seem like yourself these days, maybe take a step back and look at yourself?’”

Following his panic attack in the car and starting on medication, Jae said some of his friends pointed out to him he’s a bit more solemn and has a less bright personality.

There is stigma about mental health medication in this regard, but Jae feels it’s not impacting him negatively, but rather he’s able to rein in his need to be overenthusiastic and upbeat to compensate for feeling low.

One thing Jae really wants to combat is toxic positivity, which he feels he was constantly leaning into prior to his panic attack in April; he would often attempt to put on a good face and put good energy into the world in a way that’s idealised without internalising his own feelings.

He says he’s still learning to really understand the idea, but thinks it’s along the lines of not really believing something but saying it regardless to try to seem a certain way publicly, or manifesting good energy when it’s not necessarily there.

Jae feels his chosen field of work hasn’t necessarily helped the situation, and he’s grappling with that while trying to raise discussions.

Is K-pop part of the problem?

“Especially, I feel like [K-pop] idols are … supposed to uphold a standard of perfection, but that in itself I think is a form of toxic positivity. It’s extremely, extremely toxic, more than most people think. We’re role models, right?

“If we’re always picture perfect, squeaky shiny, and always for the right causes, never have an opinion [on] anything, what happens when the people who look up to us have an opinion? When they’re not squeaky perfect? If they’re comparing themselves to us, they may think, ‘My favourite singer is always happy. He’s always cheery. But I’m sad. That’s strange.’ What kind of role model is that?”

Change is happening slowly in the industry, and artists are increasingly talking about their own states of mental health. The past few years have seen several K-pop artists go on hiatus to take care of themselves. But there’s still more work to do, according to Jae.

“I think people need to be more real. I think people need to be more transparent. Mental health has become a wider known issue these days, so I think more people are open to talking about it.

“We preach that it’s okay to be normal, but it’s not something that we actually show, don’t actually act on. We preach it all the time: ‘It’s okay not to be okay.’ You see it in the songs everywhere. But I feel like the same artists who sing these songs and the same people who say these things publicly are the same people who always are perfect on the red carpet, never transparent enough to show who they actually are as a person.

“I feel like that in itself is a kind of hypocrisy. I try to be as human as I can while upholding a certain standard because I recognise and respect the culture [of being a celebrity].”

It was upholding the unrealistic standards that Jae in part thinks led things to get so bad, as he was always thinking about the perceptions of others and reining himself in.

A comment a fan made on social media about it being a good thing that he was less likely to share an opinion while speaking in Korean, rather than in English, helped him realise the intensity of what he was doing: because there is an idea that having opinions as a public person can lead to trouble, some fans of a group may not want band members to reflect their true opinions, and he had internalised the burden of that feeling regarding opinions to the extreme.

“It’s so ridiculous to me,” he admits. “That having an opinion could have any sort of connotation of being negative. I feel like having an opinion is never the problem. Having a strange and maybe immoral or unjust opinion, that’s definitely the problem. We as a society have come to a point where you can’t say anything without being judged.”

Now, he’s trying to be more forthright and earnest while expressing himself, and trying not to internalise the opinions of every random person who has opinions on his opinions, and thus has more or less stopped reading comments on social media.

“My emotional energy can be used better somewhere else, and I only have a certain amount every day,” he admits. “If people are going to hate me for what I think, they’re going to hate me regardless, so I’m just trying to be more open about everything now. No bubble of protection, no filter, no safety being on any more. If they don’t like it, that’s just me.

“I removed that filter because I thought it was one of the reasons I had that panic attack in the first place. I think I was right, because I’ve been having less and less [incidents]. Biting your tongue is necessary in many situations, but biting it to the extent that I was biting it because of boundaries I wasn’t allowed to cross, or certain opinions I was told I couldn’t uphold, that was what was hurting me the most.”

Making his own music, and the future

Following the incident, Jae spent much of 2020 not actively taking part in the activities of Day6, and focused on releasing his own music under the name “eaJ”. Through several releases, he explored his own artistry rather than thinking about what audiences want to hear, and focused on finding what he likes, trying to garner respect for his musical capabilities, and consider what he wants out of his career.

He feels like he succeeded at that, and hopes 2021 bears the fruit of the seeds he planted last year.

“Music gets my imagination going; using my emotional energy on a song or recording session, that seems like a lot more fruitful than worrying about a comment that I can’t do anything about regardless.”

One thing that inspired him to share some solo work with the world was the realisation of how much it was impacting him that his musical worth within Day6 wasn’t getting much recognition.

“We as a team are always involved in the songs, and it felt really discrediting and disheartening to hear that some members were more recognised than others. [I thought} ‘Maybe it’s time you start following your own career path and showing your own colours.’”

Three members of the band released an album in August, but Jae and the group’s other vocalist-guitarist, Sungjin, both sat it out. Jae admits that his hiatus from the band since early May wasn’t exactly his idea.

“It may be a bit of a surprise for some people to hear, but I was never someone that said, ‘I need a break.’ I was like, ‘I’ll get better.’ I was thinking, ‘I might need a little bit of time, but you guys get on it first.’ To be honest, I will be thriving, and Day6 will be, with the next album. When everyone is ready, I’ll be good.”

Overall, Jae says he’s optimistic and looking forward to a successful, healthy 2021. “I’m definitely recovering, and hopefully moving in the right direction,” he says.

source

#day6 #park jaehyung #t: interview #scmp #long post #210130

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tinyboxxtink · 4 years ago

Text

“The Man Of Your Dreams”

Y’all. Y’ALL.

I was gonna make this a series but then I was like “Aw nah I can wrap it up neatly in one go”.

And that “one go” took 3 and 1/2 hours and 10 pages!!!!!!!! (on GoogleDocs anyway...)

I went with my “keep dreaming about a man and then you go off to find him” idea.

The dating app one might be for a longer series, idk yet.

But this, this is my baby.

Like I said, I had this dream. Specifically the first and last scene. And ya’ll while I wrote the crescendo, I played Tyler Blackburn’s “Can’t Love Me.” Specifically starting at 2:11. I highly recommend playing it as you read from:

“Until out of nowhere--“Y/N???””

But that’s just me. I replayed that scene with the music about a thousand times in my head, I won’t lie to you.

I hope you love this as much as I do!!

Tag List

@wanniiieeee

@dumauier

@word-scribbless

@objection-argumentative

@chasingeverybreakingwave

------

“Oh no it’s happening again.”

“What?! No not now,”

“Yeah I feel it, the pulling,”

“Dammit! No no no…” He grabbed you on both of your sides and pulled you into his chest as tightly as he could, but you knew it wouldn’t help; You were fading, and the last words you hear were:

“I will find you!!”

----------------

Suddenly, you woke up in your bed in a cold sweat.

“Dammit...not again,” You shook your head. “No, no no no NO!!!!” You let yourself have a moment of breakdown, before immediately grabbing the pencil and giant pad of paper from under your bed. You had to get it down before it faded, again. The face, HIS face. You furiously filled in the lines on his face you had missed before, and you finally got the dimples on his mouth right. However, it was the eyes that drove you most insane.

Half filled in while the rest of his face was taking shape, his eyes were the one thing you could never quite get. Not that you hadn’t seen them enough, you had been having dreams about this man for over a month straight now. Every night, the same man. But it didn’t feel like dreaming, not in the slightest. It felt very much like being awake in this world, everything was so real.

He was so real.

And so, after a week of these “episodes”, you decided to yourself that this couldn’t be a coincidence, that it was NOT a mix of your subconscious making up scenarios in your head, it was real. This man existed somewhere, and you were going to find him.

However the question of “How” was still very annoyingly present. Sure you and this man had talked about everything, seriously EVERYTHING. Likes, dislikes, career, life stories--- well, at least you were pretty sure you had.

Some conversations in your dream world were completely crystal clear in your mind--

When he was six and all he wanted was a red bike, and come Christmas morning it wasn’t there. He had stormed around his mom’s apartment having a total temper tantrum until his abuelita asked him to check if she had left her keys out in the hall from last minute shopping. He opened the door to reveal a brand new, shiny red 10 speed bike propped against their doorway.

“We lived on the 10th floor, with no elevator. My mom and abuelita carried that thing up 10 flights of stairs just so I’d have a happy Christmas morning,” He had told you with tears in his eyes.

And then others, containing any real information about where to find him, were a blur. Specific details like his name, his job, even where he currently lived-- they sounded like garbled nonsense when you tried to recall them.

The Universe is a sadistic bastard.

But that conversation about the bike-- it was so specific and so detailed that there was no way your mind could have made it up. No way. But all you knew was that at some point in his childhood he lived with his mom and abuela in a 10th story apartment somewhere in New York City. That’s it.

And one more thing that you couldn’t shake-- his touch.

There had been a dream where he had asked to kiss you, to which you happily agreed. He had pulled you close into his arms, his hands ran through your hair as he pressed his lips against yours. And every dream since then, you two were always either holding hands or holding each other, or touching in any capacity-- as if you were both trying to memorize what it felt like.

Of course this still being “a dream”, a lot of the times your “dates” with this man were just playing out themselves, and you were blissfully unaware that they were even dreams. So you’d never think of asking “real” questions like where to meet or something. Only those few moments before you would wake would you realize “Oh that’s right, this isn’t real.” And by then it was too late.

But today was the day. You were sure of it. You had finally finished your drawing of your “dream man”, apart from the filled in eyes. Only an eyeline shaped hole rested in the middle of his perfect face.

“Okay, that is just horrifying” You heard your roommate’s voice behind you.

“What? It’s perfect, Shi!” You defended your drawing.

Sure you had hesitated telling your best friend of 10 years about your “situation”, but once you decided that you were going to find him, you knew you’d need her help. And so, after a very long conversation over a LOT of drinks, you had convinced her to help you. Well, reluctantly help you.

“Well it’ll be no problem trying to find a guy with NO EYES,” She giggled.

“Shut up, I just...I can’t get them right,”

“Can’t get them right? Girl have you or have you not told me that you have studied that man’s face EVERY night for the past 6 weeks?”

“Yeah but….they’re so...perfect,” You sighed-- the gaping eye hole was mocking you. It was like the Universe saying “Good luck finding him without THESE!!!!”

But you knew, you just knew in your heart of hearts that if you saw his eyes in real life, you’d know. You’d know instantly. You had this-- look, between you. The way he looked at you, the love and passion in his beautiful green eyes.

You couldn’t draw that on paper.

“Well just how do you expect us to make a “missed connection” flier with a demon looking guy like that?”

“Look Shiloh, it’s a start ok?”

“It’s not! You need those eyes, eyes are the most distinguishing trait on a person’s face!” She shook the paper at you.

“I know that!!!” you scoffed.

“Alright well...just, try again tonight yeah?” She put a hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah alright,”

----

The next night you did all the nightly rituals you had read and researched up on how to “lucid dream”. Eating certain foods, meditating before bed, repeating mantras as you fell asleep-- sometimes they helped you take control of the dreams, sometimes not.

But this has never happened.

-----------

You were suddenly “awake”, in a park. Wait, this wasn’t just some generic “Dream” park. You knew this park. You immediately started scanning the sights around you-- kids playing and running around, people talking on a fountain-- The fountain. You knew that fountain. Your eyes darted quicker around the scenic picture for a statute, and there it was.

This was Central Park. And not just Central Park, a very specific part of Central Park that you passed most days on your way to work. Could this just be the “coincidence” normal dream stuff seeping in? Just images of your day being played out in your REM cycle? I mean he wasn’t even--

“Dream girl,” His voice came from behind you.

You spun to face the fountain and saw him in an off white cream colored suit, with a pink tie. His hair was in a coif, and for the first time maybe ever, you noticed him carrying a briefcase.

“Hey you,” You smiled, pulling him into a long, deep kiss.

“So, Central Park today huh? You know you could’ve told me that beforehand I wouldn’t have paid an Uber to drive --- blocks.” You noticed the blurb in his number. Wait, wait this wasn’t happening.

“Wait, what?” You were suddenly “awake” .

“My office? It’s just about ---- blocks that way,” He pointed forward-- South.

His office was south from Central Park, only a few blocks away. Within walking distance.

“What else?” You grabbed him.

“What else? Baby are you ok…?” He backed up one step in concern.

“Dammit, snap out of it abogado!!!” You snapped at him, leaving you both in shock-- but for two different reasons.

He was suddenly “awake” in this world too, but you had just called him a name in spanish that you did not know the meaning of.

“Since when do you know spanish?” He asked.

“It’s spanish? QUICK tell me what it means!!!” You shook him.

“Abogado means--”

-----------

And he was gone. It was gone. You had been pulled suddenly from your dream world, something that had never happened before. It wasn’t even morning yet, the sun was barely peeking out from the skyline. You had never gotten that close to getting details from him, NEVER.

Maybe the Universe was catching on.

You grabbed your phone from the charger beside you and furiously typed “Abogado” into google translate. And there it was, in black and white:

Lawyer.

This guy was a lawyer, who worked a few blocks south of Central Park. If he was real. You sighed to yourself as you put your phone down and went back to sleep.

-----------------------------

And you were in the park again.

“Hey, there you are! Where’d you go?” the “abogado” asked you with his dreamy smile. Wait, was he “asleep” again? And why did you pick up here? He knew you were gone? WAS THIS PLACE REAL?

“ABOGADO,” You shouted at him like a crazy person.

“...You don’t know spanish, why do you know-- Oh my god,” The man was suddenly cognizant of everything.

“Baby! Aw, baby girl I’ve missed you..” He pulled you into a kiss. You let him for a second, then pulled away quickly.

“Look, I don’t know what’s happening but this--” You gestured around the park. “This is near where I live. In reality,”

His eyes widened as he recognized where you were. “This is a few blocks from my office-- in reality,”

“Really? Really.” You were becoming frantic.

“I mean, if this is at all real, and you’re real--” He began looking around the park.

“I’M real, are YOU real?” You couldn’t believe he was questioning YOUR existence.

“I think the fact that we’re both questioning each other’s existence, might be either brain death or some kind of reality where we both do indeed exist,” He smirked.

“God you’re smart, why did I not know this before?”

“...I don’t know, we don’t really get into details usually, do we?”

“No but now-- oh my god, NOW,” You grabbed him again excitedly.

“Now what? Oh, I love that guy’s suit…” He peered over your shoulder.

“Rafael will you FOCUS?” You both stopped and stared at each other as soon as the name left your lips.

“...I-I’m sorry, what?” He was turning pale

“Rafael...w-why did I just call you Rafael?”

“....Rafael’s my name,” He stared at you in disbelief. He actually looked shocked that you knew his name.

“Y/N,” He finally spoke.

“Y/N is my name!!!!” You squealed. “This is happening, this is happening Rafael!!!!” You grabbed him in a hug but he still stood there in a daze.

“Oh god are you fading?”

“N-No, I just...you have a name,”

“...I..yeah?” You scrunch your nose. “Did...do...do you not think I’m real?”

“No!” He shook his head. “I mean I do think you’re real, I just...this...this hasn’t happened before,” He stroked your cheek with his thumb, staring at it while he did it. Like he was memorizing the feeling of his skin on yours.

“I know, this is the most detailed “episode” we’ve ever had,” You pressed his hand harder against your cheek, memorizing the feeling of his hands over yours.

“Tomorrow,” He stopped stroking your face and looked at you very seriously.

“What?”

“I-I feel it, I’m waking up-- damn early court time,” He grumbled. “But tomorrow-- er, today,” He grabbed both of your hands and squeezed them as hard as he could.

“If we are both real, we’ll meet here at this exact spot at 3:30 today, yeah?” You could see his body slowly disintegrating in front of you like Peter Parker at the end of Infinity War.

All you could do was nod as you felt yourself waking up, but you gave everything you had to grab him in one last kiss….

-------------

BEEP BEEP BEEEP!!!!!!

Your alarm was yelling at you, but you were already wide awake. Today was the day. Today at 3:30, in Central Park, you were going to meet your dream man.

If he was real.

-------

The minutes passed by like hours, he would pick the day you have off so you could just sit there and stare at your phone obsessively all day. Of course after you had taken at least 2 hours to make sure you looked absolutely perfect for your man.

You wanted to look like his dream girl.

Finally, it was 3:20. Shiloh had come home early to walk with you to the park, there was no way she was missing this. You wanted enough time to make sure you’d be there exactly at 3:30, not a minute after. You held hands with Shi as you entered the park’s gates and just a few yards away was the fountain area you had been in last night.

“So...this is it,” Shiloh dropped your hands.

“I know....What time is it?” You shuddered with excitement.

“3:29-- you know maybe he’s not a stickler for time like you and needs to be obsessively early everywhere babe,”

“He’s a lawyer, they’re usually pretty punctual,” You raised an eyebrow. “Plus, if he’s as excited as I am he will be here on time,” You were bouncing on your heels like a little girl.

“Well, it’s 3:30 now…” You both began to look around the area. You had brought the drawing so Shiloh had an idea of who she was looking for, although she still deemed it impossible without his eyes.

“Y’know he said he had court today, maybe it’s further away from here,” You spoke out loud, still scanning every inch of the park. You didn’t know who you were trying to convince more, Shiloh or yourself.

Every second that passed by, your heart broke into teenier tinier pieces. You felt sick to your stomach, you were shaking-- you needed to sit.

Shiloh came and joined you on the side of the fountain and held you in her arms as the park suddenly began filling very quickly. There was some sort of event happening soon, and people were getting “good seats”.

“Wh-What? No, no you guys can’t be here!” You frantically began circling people. “How is he supposed to find me if you’re all surrounding this damn fountain? HOW?!”

“Y/N….Honey, chill…” Shiloh tried to pull you away, but you jumped onto the fountain to get away from her as the area continued to fill with people, even police began to survey the area-- they stared at you, whispering things into their walkies. They were going to ask you to get down. They were going to ask you to leave. They were going to make you lose your chance forever--- and you couldn’t have that.

“RAFAEL!!!!!!” You started screaming into the crowd. Several members of the crowd began turning and staring at you as you repeated the name over and over again, walking around on top of the fountain as you did.

“Are you nuts you’re going to get us arrested!!” Shiloh hissed, pulling on your arm.

“I don’t care--- RAFAEL!!!!!” You knocked her hand away and started screaming again.

“Ma’am, you’re going to need to come with us,” A Park Ranger started for your hand but you evaded it as you continued circling and screaming like an insane person.

“NO!!! I CAN’T!!!!! HE’LL BE HERE!!!! RAFAEL!!!!!!”

-------

“I mean, are you SURE it was this end of the park, Rafa?” Olivia Benson circled the same spot her and Rafael had been walking around for several minutes now.

“Yeah, I’m sure! There was a statue--”

“There are a LOT of statues in here, Rafa. Did you see anything else in this ‘dream’?”

“Look Liv, I appreciate you coming with me even though you don’t believe in this at all, but the snarkiness is not helping,” He folded his arms with a scowl.

“I’m sorry, I’ll--” Olivia was cut off mid-sentence by her walkie going off. “Benson.”

“Yeah hi, this is the CP patrol-- We heard you were around here, and I think we’ve got a-- what do you call it, special victim? This girl’s running around crazy yelling for some dude, I think she might be a few circuits short of a circuit board,”

“Where are you?”

“The South Entrance by Lootney Fountain,” As those words rang out through her walkie, Rafael’s eyes widened.

“The fountain…” He muttered, beginning to sprint across the park. “I forgot about the fountain!!!!!!”

-------

The CP Patrol had gotten you off the fountain and were trying to calm you down, but you wouldn’t stop yelling Rafael’s name. Until out of nowhere--

“Y/N???”

You’d know that voice anywhere. You jumped out of the cop’s reach and back onto the fountain where you could see over the crowd. Your eyes frantically searched when you saw a man running towards the fountain; from across the park, and then you saw his face.

It was Rafael.

The second you locked eyes, you both just stopped moving entirely. You were pretty sure you had stopped breathing. You could see everything in those big beautiful green eyes you had the hardest time putting down on paper. You saw the same thoughts running through his head as yours:

He was real. You were real.

“Y/N!!!!!!” He finally yelled, making the crowd turn to face him. He disappeared into the sea of people as you jumped down and began tearing through them like mad.

“RAFAEL!!!!” You screamed, knocking people over left and right. He was sprinting across the lawn, more desperate to get to you than anything in his entire life.

“Y/N!!!!!!” You heard his voice again, and this time it was so much closer. So crisp and clear, just like it was in your dreams-- But this was real. It was really happening. You gave one last push through a group of stragglers to come upon a man huffing and puffing in a cream colored suit, with a pink tie. But he seemed to lose all signs of fatigue as you hurled yourself into his arms-- his real, open arms. He spun you around and kissed you deeper and harder than he ever had in any of your encounters.

And it was real.

You felt it even more than the most detailed of dreams, his taste, the feel of his touch, his smell. You stood there locked in a kiss for several seconds, while Olivia waved off the coppers and Shiloh had broken through the crowd to see your very real dream man.

Finally, after convincing yourself to pull away from him, you looked into his eyes. His real, green eyes. You stroked his cheek while he kept the tightest grip around your waist, as if you were going to float away if he let up one second.

“You’re real,” You blinked back tears.

“So are you,” He held back his own tears, stroking yours away from your cheeks.

“I love you, Rafael,” You whispered, still scared to death you’d wake up at any moment.

“I love you, YN-- my dream girl,” He smiled back, pulling you into another long kiss.

That night you had normal dreams, which you didn’t mind in the slightest; because you slept in the arms of the man of your dreams.

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #omg #one of my faves tbh #soulmate trope #Raul Esparza

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ultimatebethylficlist · 3 years ago

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Veteran Author of The Month: June 2021

The featured veteran author for June is also a co-admin right here at UBFL: SquishyCool (or @im-immortal )!

SquishyCool can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I’ve been a hardcore TWD fan since the show began airing, but that’s because of my love for zombies. In all honesty, I didn’t really ship anyone for the first 3-4 seasons. I kind of shipped Daryl with Carol, but then it became clear that it was a platonic relationship and in all honesty, I just wanted to see them both get some action lmao. Then the prison fell... and in those first moments of “Still,” when we see Beth and Daryl running and running and finally collapsing on the ground, breathless and exhausted... the butterflies started. Something clicked and I immediately thought, “uh oh.” The rest is history, especially considering how “Still” and “Alone” played out. I can’t explain how or why I’m still so heavily invested, especially considering my last 2 fandoms only kept my attention for about 2-3 years each, but here I am. And I love it! I am so incredibly grateful for the Bethyl fandom because not only has it helped me improve my writing so much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has also introduced me to some of the most amazing people, including someone who I now consider one of my very best friends! It’s my happy place :)

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

In The Maw by ronsparkyspeirs

Way Down We Go by LeathernLaces

Surfacing by lindentree

Wild Things (The Moonshine Poet) by Abelina

The Gift by Feliz

The Man Who Can't Be Moved by burningupasun

New Experiences Series by wallflow3r

Whisper Softly to Me by taylorcatherine

Interstice by leftmywingshome

To Love Like a Man by Seraphique

Death, Death (i defy thee) by alamorn

In My Blood by Courtneyshortney82

Let the Good Times Roll by gutsforgarters

Resolved by Allatariel

the weight of these wings by peachthorns

all my spaces are filled with you by annabeth_writes

A Little Jailbreak with the Little Jailbait by wandering_gypsy_feet

between the beginning and the end by sheriffandsteel

SquishyCool’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Dirty Fingernails and Dried Blood Summary: What happened during the months between "Still" and "Alone"? Beth uses the last pages of her diary to write down every detail of surviving with Daryl. Thoughts: My first Bethyl fanfic. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, though it is pretty rough. If I could go back, I never would’ve done it entirely in first-person. But I do plan to finish it one day. There are some scenes I’m particularly proud of, and I still have a long note full of ideas and plot points.

Most Wanted Summary: After Beth’s mother and half-brother are murdered in a drug war, the godly veil on the Greene Family operation is lifted, and law enforcement comes down hard. In an effort to protect her family, Beth commits a heinous crime that could mean life in prison alongside them. Now everyone she’s ever trusted is in police custody and her only chance at freedom is to get as far away from Atlanta as she can... Thoughts: Well, this is a must-read if you like my writing. I hope to one day convert this into an original fiction and maybe get it published, but I need to finish it first LOL. I got the idea from ONE scene of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” and from there, it exploded into a huge mystery thriller (with lots of romance and smut). I’m really really proud of it, and I’m scared I’ll fuck it up tbh, so I keep putting off continuing it. But I really need to get back to it because I really want people to see what I have planned! (Also, this fic is the reason @courtneyshortney82 started talking to me, so that alone is pretty historic lmao)

The Crow’s Song Summary: Beth and Daryl spend a few more days together in the funeral home and come to terms with all they've lost along the way. But soon, they must decide what comes next. Thoughts: This fic... this fucking fic. It took me a full year to write. I made numerous edits. I even got a little depressed while I was writing the last two chapters, and my bf didn’t know why until he read what I’d been writing lol. It’s honestly the Bethyl fic I’ve always wanted to write but just didn’t know how. I’m still really really proud of how it turned out.

Carnival Games Summary: Daryl is a traveling carnival worker and Beth is a barely legal farmer's daughter looking for a night of fun when the carnival comes to town. Thoughts: Omg this fic is so fun!! One of my first Bethyl fics, and one of my first Bethyl smut fics. Short, sweet, a little funny, and a lot hot. I am still impressed with myself on this one, especially considering how much my writing has improved since lol

Breathe. Please. Summary: Beth shows up at the Hilltop. Alive. Daryl can hardly believe his eyes. Until she's lying in his bed, an arm's reach away. And he can hear her inhaling... exhaling... inhaling... Thoughts: Another “fix-it” that I’m proud of. Tbh I didn’t think it was anything all that special, but a lot of readers have said it’s one of their favorites, and some say they reread it regularly, and nothing makes me happier than hearing that, so I am extremely proud.

picking @ scabs Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, being with them just isn't right. But what wouldn't you give for it to be right? Can someone like Daryl learn how to swallow his pride and stop repeating the same mistakes over and over? Can someone like Beth learn to fight off her demons and allow him to get close enough to hurt her again? How can they stay away from each other when it's all too easy to fall back into one another? Picking a scab will leave a scar, but they both have so many scars already... what's a few more? Thoughts: This fic is very, very personal for me. It’s like my “therapy” fic. I have poured some of my deepest feelings and struggles into its chapters, and the whole idea that got me to start it was that I wanted to find a way to navigate and cope with ending my 3-year long relationship with my emotionally/mentally/sometimes physically abusive ex. I still have a lot of fond memories from that relationship, but even more so, I have painful memories. Not to mention, going through your early 20s as a woman in the modern day is a fuckin’ trip, so this kind of explores that. It’s really self-indulgent, I think, but I’m really proud of the smut in it. And more than that, I’m proud of the response. I’ve had a few people message me or comment to say that they’ve felt all those things, or have experienced similar things, and it’s really just... relieving. I put my heart and soul out there, and what I got back was “you’re not alone.” So yeah, this fic is special. I wanna finish it soon, but I have to be in A Mood to do so.

In Toto Corde Summary: Despite a million reasons not to, Beth and Daryl fell in love. Then he made the ultimate sacrifice in order to keep all of his promises. Now, facing unimaginable consequences at the hands of witch hunters, Beth has no choice but to use her powers to bring Daryl back from the dead. "He won't be the same..." Thoughts: I LOVE THIS FIC. I love it so much that I had to rewrite it after like 4 or 5 years. And I already started on a sequel that I really hope I’m able to finish. Though it doesn’t have many hits, and I don’t think many people have read it at all, which I understand since it basically is entirely focused around Daryl being killed. But damn, I’m proud of this one, and it was really fucking fun to write because witch!Beth is just... the best.

risk it all (part 1 of in for a penny, in for a pound) Summary: Daryl Dixon has a pretty decent life, all things considered. He's got his own place. A good dog. A few friends. Even a girlfriend. He keeps himself out of trouble. Until he starts texting Beth Greene. And hell, if he ain't about to risk it all for this damn girl. Thoughts: This was supposed to be one short multichapter fic focused entirely on smut and social media. Then I got on a roll and it ended up being the beginning of a series! This fic is purely fun. Nothing too serious or heavy. I write it when I’m in a Good Mood because it’s my little happy place. I have plans for about 4 more fics before the series will be finished!

Don’t Make Me Haunt You Summary: So here's the thing: Merle Dixon is dead as fuck. And as it turns out, Beth Greene is the only one who can see or hear him. Which is weird considering she's never met or even heard of this guy, let alone anyone with the last name Dixon. That's her first problem... Thoughts: The reception to this fic has absolutely blown me away. I had no idea anyone would want to read about ghost!Merle haunting Beth and forcing her to solve his murder with the help of his grumpy brother. And it was all inspired by an episode of South Park lmao then I started really getting into it and now it’s just like, my super fun fic where I explore a range of emotions and all kinds of religious beliefs and different mythologies and I can build the world however I want and goddamn I just love writing this fic. Plus there’s a podfic for it! I can’t even begin to explain how much I love this fic and how proud I am of it :)

#bethyl fanfiction #veteran author of the month

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onechicagorpf · 5 years ago

Text

Equal Justice Under Law

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader (Prosecutor)

Requested? Yes - Are you still accepting requests? If you are can you do one where the reader is a prosecutor and working a case alongside intelligence. She gets in trouble and jay is the one to save her?

Warnings: Mentions of sexual abuse and murder. Swearing, the usual cuss words.

A/N: Okay so this is HELLA long. I really meant for all my requests to be blurbs (i.e. short fics) so please note that future requests will probably be much shorter than this! I just got carried away on this one! 😅

Also I realise the anon asked for the reader to be working alongside Intelligence, but in mine she’s kinda taking over after the police case is done, which is what happens in the episodes of Chicago Justice most of the time so that’s what I had it my head - hope y’all still like it! I also tried to switch it up this time and write in past tense, which I realise is sooo not my thing because I kept instinctively writing stuff in present tense and then having to go back and change it lol Let me know if you have a preference one way or another because I’m very curious as to how people feel about this!

Up next? 3 more Jay x Reader requests to fill!

PS: Send me asks/messages/leave a note if you liked this and want to see more!

You sighed, dropping your face in your hands. Some days, you wished you hadn’t taken up the job as the Cook County Assistant State's Attorney. The late nights and high stress situations sucked, but more than that your job had a way of bringing to light the worst things about humanity.

Looking down at your desk, you ran your fingers across the scattered pictures. Amelia Langstrom, age 16. Pamela Park, age 18. Lacey McDonald, age 19. Julia Sanderson, age 15. Maggie Thane, age 16. Every photo of the girls, smiling at the camera, came with another one. This other photo wasn’t as well-lit, as happy, as pretty. It was an emotionless, clinical photo taken of their naked bodies, covered with injuries and bruises and cuts, surrounded by leaves or trash depending on where they were dumped.

It was an awful, awful thing. 5 young girls, all missing for over a week before their bodies were found. All with signs of sexual assault, yet no DNA left behind to trace back to the killer. All of this, by itself, would be enough to turn your stomach over. Which it did, but above that, watching your boyfriend come home every night with his head down, shoulders sagging, looking completely distressed as he and his team were no closer to finding the perpetrator of these crimes…it was terrible.

“You guys will get him. I know you will, Jay.” You said, brushing his dark brown hair out of his eyes as the two of you laid in bed together. Your boyfriend’s green eyes, usually bright and full of life, were dark and distant in a way you hadn’t seen in a long time.

“How many more girls does he have to kill before we find him?” Jay whispered, not even looking at you, as his frown - one that seemed to have made itself at home in his forehead over the last two weeks - deepened.

It was a week later when Anna Valdez, your second chair, knocked on your door. Her face was dark, and her lips were tight.

“Another girl?” You asked, your voice cracking.

Anna shook her head. “Intelligence got the guy.” She replied, still looking troubled.

You frowned, tilting your head at her. She paused, crossing her arms across her chest, trying to shrink herself. Like as if she didn’t want to say the next words. You stood up, now beginning to fear what was coming.

“What is it?”

Anna swallowed. “They’re saying he confessed.”

***

“Jay - ”

“You don’t believe me?! Seriously?!” Jay’s eyes were wide with outrage on the other side of your desk.

“It’s not about whether I believe you! It’s about - ” You lowered your voice, remembering that there were many, many people who were working right outside your office. “ - it’s about the fact that Voight is saying this guy confessed. Hank Voight. He’s not exactly a shrinking violet. And all this on top of the fact that - ”

Jay opened his mouth to cut in, but you silenced him with a raised hand and bulldozed onward.

“ - On top of the fact that there just so happened to be no one else in the room with Voight when Dylan Rhodes confessed? Hmm? And it happened in a - in a cage that’s in basement of your district? No cameras, no audio, no video?” You glared at Jay, barely hiding the seething rage that was boiling under your skin. You leaned across the desk, shoulders tight, voice now raised without a care about what anyone outside was going to hear. “Not to mention he’s got cuts and bruises all over his face from ‘resisting arrest’ even though he’s a 20 year old who’s maybe 120 pounds soaking wet and there were seven of you cops, all armed with guns when you went to arrest him!” You yelled, flinging several of Dylan Rhodes’ mugshots across the table, some of them flying all the way over to hit Jay’s body and land at his feet.

There was nothing in the air but the soft whirring of the ceiling fan, and the squeaking of wheels as you dropped back into your chair, exhausted.

Jay called your name, his voice different now - softer and sweeter. You tried not to look at him, tried to let him know just how angry you were…but you weren’t angry at him. Not really. You were angry at the man he worked for. When your eyes connected back with Jay’s, you could see that he knew that. He placed his palms on your desk and leaned towards you.

“You know that I have issues with Hank sometimes, with the way he does things. You know that. But Y/N, you gotta believe me on this one. I looked in that kid’s eyes. I know he did this.” Jay whispered, and you ducked your head, letting your vision graze over the one remaining photo of Dylan Rhodes on your desk.

You just sighed. Looking back up at him, you shook your head.

“It’s not about him, Jay. I know he did it too, I can feel it. But if I’m putting him away, it needs to happen the right way.” You offered, your voice almost didactic.

Jay’s jaw clenched. “Needs to happen the right way, or not at all?” He straightened, pulling away from you. The look he was giving you was one that you could only describe as fervent disapproval. Like he hated what he was seeing in you.

You decided you were done with the argument. Leveling Jay with a cold, emotionless stare, you spoke.

“Yeah. Because there’s some of us who still believe in the law. Who choose to serve and protect in the right way.”

The words spilled out of your mouth so matter-of-factly that they became so harsh. Jay was speechless, and in the beat of silence that followed, you regretted your words.

Your door opened and you jumped, too absorbed in your tête-à-tête with Jay to even give notice to the outside world. Anna looked over you and Jay - who was staring at his feet, jaw tight - with concern in her eyes.

“What is it?” You asked Anna for the second time in a day, just as terrified as the first time.

“Defense counsel just filed a motion to suppress the confession.”

***

“Mr Howard, if you’re ready we can begin - ”

“Sorry to interrupt, your honour, but it won’t be necessary.” You announced, standing up in the courtroom. Everyone’s eyes were on you, even the court stenographer’s.

The judge raised his eyebrows.

“The People will not object to Mr Howard’s motion to suppress the defendant’s confession.” You said, and a flurry of excitement broke out in the gallery - reporters shouting questions, members of the public yelling, camera flashes going off.

“So,” Anna began, facing you as you stopped to grab a cup of water from a dispenser in the hallway. It’d taken about five whole minutes of gavel banging by the judge to settle everyone down, before she dismissed the session. “Your boyfriend and some of his coworkers are at the end of the hallway, and they keep shooting us looks but no one’s coming.”

You tipped the paper cup into your water, swallowing the ice cold water, flinching a little at the tingly sensation it left in your mouth.

“Do you want to go the other way, or do you want to go talk to them? To him?” Anna asked, softly. If anyone else had been saying it, you would’ve snapped at them to mind their own business. But it’s Anna - Anna, who from day one has been by your side, who’s practically made it her mission to be the person you count on.

You shot Anna a gentle smile, squeezing her shoulder. “I’m good. I’ll take the south exit. Meet you back at the office after lunch?” Anna nodded, trying but failing to hide the concern in her eyes.

Side-stepping her, you walked down the hallway, away from where Jay and the rest of Intelligence must be gathered. A part of you hoped, strangely, that he’d come after you, even though you knew that there was no way he wouldn’t be pissed at you. You’d been with him long enough to know how he operated. How he felt everything so intensely, how he was wired through the heart. Jay lived and died by his instincts and his emotions, and there was something to be said about the simplicity of it. The man was a soldier, and maybe in war you didn’t have the time to think about procedure and precedent, about the sharp edges of red tape and the rules and regulations in a bureaucracy. The cosmetic battles didn’t matter to him – he didn’t care what something seemed like, he cared what it was.

But you weren’t Jay. You loved him, but you were not him. You weren’t a soldier - you were a lawyer, and your battle was in the courtroom, not Afghanistan. And in the courtroom, almost just as much as what something was mattered, what it looked like mattered too.

Dylan Rhodes had to be brought to justice, yes. But it had to be done the right way, not by way of coerced or falsified confessions. Equal justice under law was what you swore to uphold, and damn Voight if he thought you couldn’t put Dylan away while doing your job the right way. And damn Jay too, then.

***

“So, how’s the case coming along?” Will Halstead asked, pouring maple syrup over his waffles.

You leaned against the red leather seats in the diner, in an example of truly terrible posture. Shrugging, you answered him: “You know I can’t really talk about that.”

Will scoffed, picking up a fork and knife. “I think you’re allowed to tell me how you’re doing.”

You raised at eyebrow at the doctor, a smile starting to creep onto your face. “But those aren’t the exact words you used, and you actually asked me something completely different - ”

Will threw his hands in the air:‌ “Okay, we get it, you’re a lawyer and I shouldn’t argue with you.” He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, and you laughed, leaning forward to swat at his arm.

“Really, though.” Will said eventually, and you just nodded. “I’m feeling good. I think I’ve got motive, and I think I can get him to snap if I put him on the stand.”

Will smiled wide. “Attagirl.”

As you sipped your coffee, you kept going over your question in your head, trying to find the best way to phrase it. But just like his brother, Will could practically read your mind.

“Jay’s…you know how he is.” Will said, in a gentle tone.

“Stubborn, adamant, refuses to think he’s wrong about anything, ever?” You shot back in a grouchy tone, and Will raised his eyebrows. “Wow, you just said the same thing three ways - you must be pretty pissed!” He commented dryly, and you glared at him. Chuckling, Will waved you off before leaning across the diner table. “Y/N, he knows he shouldn’t have pushed you the way he did. He knows that. And he’s sorry.”

“He can’t come say that to me? Send me a message, come by my office, come home? He’s still gotta crash on your couch?” You shook your head, struggling to contain the hurt in your voice.

Will shot you a sympathetic look. “You know us Halstead boys; it takes a little while before the mea culpa can come out of our mouths.”

You stirred the spoon in your coffee, watching the little bits of foam go round and round and round, before dragging your spoon across in the opposite direction. The foam still swirled around a few times before stopping. Too slow.

“My bed’s been empty for a week, Will. I miss him.”

Will didn’t say anything; the good doctor just slid over a piece of tissue, and that was when you realised you’d started crying.

***

“You’ve got this.” Anna whispered, as the defense attorney took his seat. The judge turned to you and called for you to make your closing argument.

This was usually your favourite part - getting to talk directly to the jury, showing them the facts of your case, walking them through every step of the process with all the detail in the world so that they could get to the conclusion that you knew to be true.

But today was different. You shoved your hands in your pockets to hide that they were shaking. And when you looked over your shoulder at the gallery, you couldn’t see Jay.

He’d never missed any of your closing arguments. Ever.

Until today.

“Ms Y/L/N? Can we begin?” The judge tossed a concerned look your way.

Your eyes landed on Dylan Rhodes, who was smirking at you like he’d won.

Smiling back, you calmly turned to the judge. “Let’s begin.”

Starting from Dylan’s teenage years, where he racked up countless misconduct records in high school for all sorts of problems, you traced the development of this man, this awful human being. You painted a portrait of him as needy, sad, and lonely, and connected that to his need to hurt and attack girls who were otherwise unattainable for him. As you spoke, you could see the jury process your words and go where you were taking them.

Dylan had, by this point, dropped the cocky smirk. Instead, his face was red, his jaw was clenched, and veins were popping in his neck. You knew you had him - you knew it was over.

“Members of the jury - I have just one final request to ask of you. Today, you have the opportunity to see that justice is served to a man who more than deserves it. A man - a boy, who decided that raping and killing girls was the only way he could live with himself, because that was the only way he could have these girls.” You paused, turning to look at Dylan, who was shaking with rage.

“A boy who decided to hurt girls to cover up the fact that he is so weak, and so pathetic.” You punctuated the tense air in the courtroom with words so sharp they felt like the final nail in Dylan Rhodes’ coffin.

There was a moment of bliss, you knew you’d done your job, you knew you’d brought the jury over, you knew you’d succeeded - but just as quickly as things came together, it all came crashing down.

It happened so quickly - Dylan roared, lunging over the table towards you. Everyone started screaming, and you froze in shock and in fear.

The bailiff intercepted Dylan on his way over to you and tackled him to the ground. It all seemed settled for a second, but they kept struggling on the ground, and all you saw was Dylan’s hands reaching around the bailiff’s and - and his fingers wrapping around - oh god -

“Gun!” Anna yelled, and the release of that one syllable was followed immediately by a gunshot. And then another.

***

“You gonna talk to Y/N? She’s closing the Rhodes case today, you know?” Hailey Upton asked, lifting her feet up to place them on the dashboard of the GMC Sierra.

Jay shrugged, fiddling with the radio in his hand.

“This is the part where you use your words.” Hailey remarked in a slightly sarcastic tone, smiling and Jay just shot her a look. Reaching over, he shoved her feet off the dash petulantly, and Hailey laughed.

Moments later, she turned back, cheek pressing against the headrest of her seat. “Jay.” She said, her tone gentle but still a little pushy. It was what he needed then, and she knew it. The last few days had been tough on him - he hadn’t talked to her about it, other than updating her that he was staying over at Will’s, but his entire demeanour was off - he’d been down and depressed.

Jay shrugged again, frowning. “I don’t know what to say. I screwed up, and I know it and she knows it and - I don’t know. I’m starting to think…” Jay ducked his head, eyes scanning his fingers as they traced the outlines of his radio. “…starting to think maybe she can do better than me, you know?” When he finished, his voice was much lower, much softer than it was when he began.

“Oh, she can definitely do better than you.” Hailey grinned, her dimples showing and Jay just reached across, punching her shoulder. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Hailey chuckles, before turning to face her partner again.

“Seriously though, I’ve seen the way she looks at you - that girl is one hundred percent in love with you.”

Jay’s heart felt full hearing that, and he knew it to be true, too.

“So get your shit together, stop sleeping on your brother’s couch, go back to her and apologise for being an idiot.” Hailey advised. Before Jay could say anything, his radio went off.

“10-1, 10-1, shots fired at the Third Municipal District, hall 5! Dispatch, get Intelligence on the scene now!”

“Isn’t that where - ” Hailey started to ask, frowning. She didn’t have to finish her question, because she got her answer when Jay, who suddenly went as pale as a ghost, turned on the lights and sirens and floored it.

***

“Dylan…just - think about this, okay?”

Your hands were out in front of you, shaking.

Dylan Rhodes was about 10 feet from you, with a gun in his hand. The gallery had cleared out and the people on the jury had managed to escape to their deliberation room, separated from the courtroom with a thick wooden door. The only people who were left with you and Dylan were the judge, Anna and Mr Howard.

Your eyes flickered down to where the bailiff laid in a pool of his own blood. Dylan had fired two shots straight through the bailiff’s chest. You didn’t need to be trained in medicine like your boyfriend’s brother to know that the bailiff was dead.

You’d said hi to him once, in an elevator. He’d smiled back, and asked you how your day was.

You can’t remember what you told him.

“You’re scared now, aren’t you?” Dylan asked, and you snapped back to him. He had a deranged smile on his face.

“Dylan, please, it doesn’t have to be like this - ” You started speaking, but the judge - Judge Kinnaman - cut you off.

“Son, I swear if you don’t drop that gun now, you will never see the light of day. I will personally ensure that.” Judge Kinnaman’s voice resounded in the empty courtroom with authority. Dylan turned to him, gun following his line of sight.

“Fuck you.” Dylan punctuated his words with a squeeze of the trigger. Anna screamed, and you heard a loud thump. When you turned over your shoulder, you couldn’t see Judge Kinnaman at his seat behind the counter anymore - all you saw was blood splatter on his chair and the wood behind him.

The numbness you’d felt until this point suddenly gave way to waves upon waves of fear. It felt like a chill going down your spine - your body was cold, your mind was racing, and you were absolutely terrified.

“Dylan - Dylan, listen to me.” Jon Howard, the defense attorney, spoke softly from the defense table. “Just - just put the gun down, okay?”

Dylan’s eyes practically went red with rage. “You - you fucking…you’re useless, you’re pathetic, you know that?” Dylan swings back around, yelling at you and Anna. “He asked me to make a deal! A deal! What kind of a shitty lawyer gives up before he even tries to win, huh?!” He yelled at Jon, spit flying out of his mouth. Jon flinched, leaning back as Dylan moved closer to him.

Suddenly, a voice on loudspeaker boomed from outside the closed doors of the courtroom.

“Dylan Rhodes! This is Jay Halstead of the Chicago Police Department. We have the courtroom surrounded!”

Your knees almost buckled as you heard Jay’s voice. Relief flooded your veins, but you were still scared as you watched Dylan suddenly turn around, eyes wide.

“We do not want you or anyone in there to get hurt, okay? Just let the people in there come out, and I swear I will help you.” Jay finished, and Dylan just grabbed his head in his hands.

“No, no, no, no!” Dylan whispered to himself, tears springing out of his eyes. You turned to Anna, both of you equally terrified. Suddenly, Dylan raised his head, almost like a lion that had suddenly spotted a gazelle over the lines of grass.

Dylan surged towards you. Screaming, you flattened yourself against the witness stand, but it was to no avail - Dylan’s left hand grabbed your throat, and he pulled you to him, turning you so that you were in front of him, his left forearm like a bar going across your neck. You felt the cool metal of the gun against your temple, and you gasped.

“I have a hostage! I’m coming out, and I want everyone to stand back!” Dylan barked, before walking you to the door. You were shaking against him, tears streaming down your face at this point. The pressure of the gun against your head seemed to be drilling into you. As you reached the door, and Dylan instructed you to open it, all you could think about was that at least you’d get to see Jay before you died today.

The door opened with a loud creak, and you were stunned to see so many fully uniformed police officers with assault rifles standing right outside. Per Dylan’s instructions, they were all standing back, but still it was absolutely terrifying seeing all those guns pointed at you.

Your eyes immediately found Jay, who had his head tilted, looking down the sight on his rifle but the moment Dylan had brought you out, he picked his head up. His mouth was open slightly, his eyes were wide and wet, and he looked to be completely distraught.

Seeing him finally after days apart…it made every argument you’d ever had feel so inconsequential. You were so full of love for him and the only thing you wanted to do was run, run to him and wrap your arms around him. Unable to do any of that, you just mouthed “I love you” as you tried to hold back sobs.

“I want a car, and - and I want a - a jet fueled at O’Hare!” Dylan shouted.

Jay just shook his head. “You need to let her go first, alright?”

Dylan tightened his hold on you. “I’m not a fucking idiot!”

“We know that, okay?” Hailey spoke up, from a few feet to the right of Jay. “We don’t think you’re an idiot. We just want to make sure you don’t do anything you don’t want to do.” She said, putting her rifle down. Raising her hands, she took a couple of steps towards Dylan, who at this point had completely turned to face her.

“No - no, I don’t want you to move! Just - just stay where you are!” Dylan snapped, his voice raging. Your heart was beating so loudly that you could almost hear it in your ears. Closing your eyes, you just prayed silently.

“I know you don’t want to hurt her. So let’s just make sure - ” Hailey spoke gently, but Dylan cut her off, laughing sharply.

“You stupid bitch! You’re all stupid bitches! Damn right I want to hurt her! This bitch - ” Dylan shouted, pulling in his forearm, the immense pressure against your neck strangling you, “ - called me pathetic! I’m gonna show her how fucking pathetic she is when I get her somewhere alone and I - ”

A loud bang goes off, and you jumped. Your eyes flew open just in time to feel Dylan sag against you, and you instinctively leaned out of the way so that he fell to the ground.

Arms wrapped around you, and your first reaction was to flinch, to scream, to turn with eyes wide, trying to claw away from whoever it is. But then you heard his voice.

“Baby! Baby - it’s me, it’s Jay!” Your boyfriend’s eyes were wide and teary. His eyebrows were furrowed deeply, and he looked like he was in pain.

Everything clicked in your head.

“Jay,” You moaned, shaking fingers clutching his vest as you engulfed yourself in him. Jay’s arms wrapped around you tightly and you soaked in his scent, his warmth, his safety. Sobbing into his neck, you refused to let go, still not really believing this to be real. Jay didn’t say anything for a while and you weren’t sure why. But then you heard him crying into your hair, and you pulled back to see him. His eyes were wet, pooling with tears, and you immediately brought your hands up to hold his face. Jay leaned down as you got on your tip toes and you kissed, wet and soft and scared. Jay’s hands cradled your face, and when the two of you eventually split to breathe, you just looked up at him, speechless, shaking your head.

“I’m so sorry,” Jay whimpered.

“It’s okay. We’re okay. Just - just come home, please,” You begged, running your thumb over his jaw.

“Of course. Of course. I’m never leaving you like that again, okay? No matter what. Y/N, I love you so much. When he came out with you - I - I almost died right where I stood.” Jay told you as his face contorted into something painful. You pressed your lips to his again, quick and chaste. Pulling back, you smiled up at him.

“I love you too, Jay.”

The rest of the day was a mess - the cops moved Dylan’s body, as well as the bailiff’s and Judge Kinnaman’s, while paramedics cleared you medically. You flung yourself at Anna when they brought her out, swearing to her that you were okay and asking repeatedly if she was fine. The two of you held on to each other, crying, as Jay kept rubbing your back. In fact, he never left your side, not even for a second. After you were done giving your statement, Jay took you home, and the two of you got undressed and sat in a warm bath together for a while. You kept thinking at times that you were fine, but then you’d remember the feeling of the gun against your head, or the way the bailiff slumped over, and you started crying again. Jay brought his arms around you, pulling you to his chest and peppering your face with kisses as he soothed you.

At night, you curled into each other. The two of you drifted asleep, in the safety and warmth of your embrace.

*** Please leave a comment/like/reblog!

#jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #will halstead #will halstead imagine #cpd imagine #chicago pd imagine #onechicago imagine #onechicago

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honeymoonjin · 5 years ago

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Please note, these works are mine. I won’t accept any translations (sorry, foreign language army) or cross-posting on accounts that aren’t mine. If you see a work of mine on Wattpad, it is not me. Please let me know so I can get it taken down. If you see a work of mine on AO3 under any account that isn’t honeymoonjin, it is not me and please let me know. The banners are not made by me, they are made by the incredibly talented @jamaisjoons. Please do not read works marked with the crown ♔ for smut if you are a minor. These are intended for audiences 18 or above.

These fics are the b-side, my older works which I’m not as happy with as my newer stuff. I don’t want to delete them since some may still enjoy them, but I wanna start fresh with works I’m personally proud of on my main masterlist from now on, so these are the ones that didn’t make the cut.

♔ smut || ➴ angst || ✭ crack || ☯ fluff

〚 darlin’ 〛✭

❝ you’re an actress that needs to learn to ride a horse for your next role. jin’s the cowboy tasked with teaching you. ❞

〚 pine 〛☯

❝ you’ve been hiding your crush on your best friend jin for far too long now, but it turns out he feels the same. ❞

〚 transition 〛✭

❝ seokjin’s job as a grim reaper is to guide souls after they die, but you’re not interested in moving on just yet. ❞

〚 pasta la vista 〛✭

❝ in which you, a food critic, wonders how kim seokjin manages to stay in business, considering how terrible his food seems to be. alternatively, kim seokjin does not know how to flirt. ❞

〚 come dine with me 〛♔

❝ yoonji eating you out in the kitchen that is literally it. ❞

〚 daegu hold ‘em 〛☯

❝ yoongi loves spoiling his girl. you love having a sugar daddy. that’s called synergy. ❞

〚 baby fever 〛♔

❝ doctor min yoongi is your fertility specialist, but during the artificial insemination procedure he has some…unorthodox methods. ❞

〚 mi casa 〛☯

❝ when yoongi brings you home to spend the holiday season with his family, he finally realizes he’s in love with you. ❞

〚 curious ft kth 〛♔

❝ taehyung is unsure of his sexuality, and you and your boyfriend yoongi are only too happy to let him experiment with you. ❞

〚 땡 / ddaeng 〛✭

❝ when blackmailed by a sasaeng, you and yoongi decide to instead release a diss-track featuring audio from an illegally obtained video of the two of you having sex. ❞

〚 unravel 〛➴ ∙ ☯

❝ you just want yoongi to see himself the way you see him. ❞

〚 heavy 〛♔

❝ mafia leader hoseok is having problems with loyalty in his ranks. luckily, you’ll always be there for him to relieve a little stress when he needs it. ❞

〚 close enough 〛➴

❝ hoseok thinks you’re getting a little too close to the other members, and he’s sick of it. part two now available here! ❞

〚 us 〛☯

❝ amongst the publicity of being an idol, hoseok wants his proposal to be a private affair. ❞

〚 unwind 〛♔

❝ your boyfriend is about to give an important speech at the United Nations but isn’t handling pre-speech nerves too well. luckily, you know some ways to help him relax. ❞

〚 keyed up ft kth〛♔

❝ when your mutual roommate namjoon gets a little too strung out, you and taehyung offer to help relieve some tension. ❞

〚 hey mama 〛☯

❝ one-shot for mother’s day. you spend an evening in with namjoon and your two boys. ❞

〚 going up? 〛✭ ∙ ☯

❝ you didn’t expect to be trapped in a faulty elevator with the president of south korea, but it’s still preferable to having to take the stairs. ❞

〚 sick day 〛♔

❝ namjoon gets a week off work, but you don’t, and he’s starting to get a little frustrated. ❞

〚 tumble dry 〛♔

❝ when jimin overhears you confessing to jungkook that you want to ride his thighs, jimin allows you…on one condition. ❞

〚 radio silence 〛♔

❝ jimin wants to indulge in his exhibitionism kink on the grandest scale: while at the grammys. ❞

〚 appa 〛☯

❝ jimin comes home from tour to visit his newborn son for the first time. ❞

〚 breaking point 〛➴

❝ you don’t think you can continue being in a relationship with jimin anymore. ❞

〚 arrivals 〛➴

❝ things go wrong at the airport when jimin’s wife and daughter accompany bts on a flight. ❞

〚 keyed up ft knj〛♔

❝ when your mutual roommate namjoon gets a little too strung out, you and taehyung offer to help relieve some tension. ❞

〚 roomie 〛✭

❝ falling in love with your cell mate isn’t generally advisable. ❞

〚 confessions of love are best done sober 〛➴ ∙ ☯

❝ kim taehyung used to be your best friend in primary school, but he’s changed into a completely different person. while you drink yourself into oblivion at a party, he has something to tell you. ❞

〚 itty-bitty 〛☯

❝ after finally moving in with your just-married husband, you have some more exciting news to tell him. ❞

〚 curious ft myg 〛♔

❝ taehyung is unsure of his sexuality, and you and your boyfriend yoongi are only too happy to let him experiment with you. ❞

〚 green room 〛♔

❝ jungkook isn’t happy with how you acted while he was on stage. ❞

〚 high-rise 〛☯

❝ getting locked out on a rooftop when you’re meant to be going on stage in five minutes is less than ideal, but luckily Jungkook has his girlfriend to keep him company. ❞

〚 shark week 〛✭ ∙ ☯

❝ when you get your period while at a restaurant with your boyfriend and the rest of bts, you just want to grin and bear it, but jungkook seems determined to show off to his hyungs how supportive he is. ❞

〚 the name game 〛✭ ∙ ☯

❝ jungkook likes to think he’s a genius at coming up with baby names. you, his heavily pregnant girlfriend, would have to disagree. ❞

〚 roll credits 〛☯

❝ after a string of misfortunes and troubles, you find yourself crying your eyes out in a movie theater. luckily, the cute usher wants to make sure you didn’t miss the film. ❞

〚 the daily grind 〛☯

❝ jeon jungkook has a crush on the girl that comes to the coffee shop he works at, but she’s too invested in her studying to even give him a second glance. ❞

〚 makin’ monet 〛✭

❝ jungkook’s attention is caught by his roommate taehyung’s odd collection of fake paintings, and he’s determined to find the painter. part two available here. ❞

〚 love yourself: the collab 〛✐ ∙ ♔ ∙ ➴ ∙ ☯

❝ twenty-six authors, twenty-six songs. a collab me and @/jeonau created to celebrate the one year anniversary of lya. each song (plus four bonus tracks) has its own fic. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: several, at least one of every member x reader

〚 roll deep 〛✐ ∙ ♔

❝ six one-shots, pornstar au. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: one of each member x reader, yoonji x reader

〚 wouldst thou like to live deliciously? 〛✐ ∙ ♔ ∙ ➴

❝ jimin is sick of being a virgin, and the pressure of the first time with a girl, so he decides to summon a sex demon to get it over with. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: jimin x reader, namjoon x reader, yoongi x reader

〚 cum!bts 〛♔ ∙ ✭

❝ in the newest run! episode, the members compete to see which of them can make you orgasm the fastest. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: one of each member x reader

〚 sovereign 〛✐ ∙ ♔ ∙ ➴

❝ when you hear that your recently deceased grandmother left you her property in her will, at first you think that a dinky old cottage in the middle of nowhere isn’t going to mean much for you. but after spending a night there, you discover something far more valuable than the house itself: a hidden door that leads to another time, the same place but over 200 years in the past. in the late 18th century, there is a king who will die before his 21st birthday unless you can save him. will you help him, even if it means leaving your own life behind? ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: jimin x reader, jungkook x reader

〚 lost in translation 〛✐ ∙ ➴ ∙ ☯

❝ you decide to uproot your life completely and move to korea to help teach english at a primary school. ❞

⇥ season one masterlist here

⇥ pairings: none so far

〚 seven 〛➴ ∙ ☯

❝ life with seven boyfriends isn’t always a walk in the park, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. ❞

⇥ part one || part two || part three

⇥ pairings: ot7 x reader

〚 dul, set 〛☯

❝ work can be tough. at least you have two boyfriends to come home to. ❞

⇥ part one || part two

⇥ pairings: hoseok x reader x yoongi

〚 spotlights 〛✭ ∙ ☯

❝ a fully interactive (~50 parts, 21 different endings) bts fic. you’ve been seated next to bts at a televised award show. will you end the night with a boyfriend or with a disaster? each member has 1 positive ending and 2 negative ones. ❞

⇥ entry post here

⇥ pairings: one of each member x reader

〚 enjoy your stay 〛 ♔ ∙ ➴

❝ working the graveyard shift at a hotel isn’t the most exciting job in the world, but your coworkers are certainly happy to have you here. ❞

⇥ masterlist here

⇥ pairings: jin x reader, jungkook x reader

〚 런닝맨 방탄 - running man bangtan 〛 ♔

❝ you and the other seven members of the popular variety show running man celebrate your 100th episode by completing various missions. ❞

⇥ part one || part two || part three

⇥ pairings: taehyung x reader, hoseok x reader x yoongi

#bts masterlist #bts fanfic #jin x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #namjoon x reader #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #bts one shot #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut

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sparkles-and-trash · 5 years ago

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My fav 3 versions/interpretations of South Park characters thing!

I’m so sorry this took much longer than anticipated, I was gonna do it Friday but then I had a panic attack for the first time in forever because my CFS have been real bad lately and I was in such bad shape my BFF had to come and smack me back to life, and Sunday was suddenly full on breakdown day, a bad BPD episode and yeah, it was rough, but today I’m doing better and I realize nobody really cares about my personal issues lol but I just have a need to excuse myself here and I realize that’s kinda dumb but here we are ANYWAYS I hope these are okay, and that these are in no way the RIGHT interpretations, just my personal favorites!

Kyle:

suggested by the wonderful @otherluces <3

I’m not gonna lie, I love nerdy, preppy Kyle. Sweater-vests, collard shirts, doesn’t realize how attractive he is Kyle, oblivious to people having crushes on him Kyle, set on Harvard to become a lawyer and fight for justice and argue for a living, yanno?

I also really like the more dorky and nerdy Kyle, where he has really niché interests that he gets totally invested in and talks about 24/7, loves reading and studying, but not just to get good results, but because he genuinly enjoys it.

The last version I can think of with him, is the tall, lanky and kinda hard to read Kyle. He keeps a lot of his feelings to himself, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. He plays basketball, he’s good at it too, and while he does well in school and everyone expects him to go into law, he has some totally different dream he keeps to himself for now. He kinda perks up a bit when in smaller crowds, esp with his cloest friends, but he still carries a lot of secrets that some time needs to come out.

Tweek:

suggested by my new fren @soft-craig-and-tweek ^^

I like Tweek in so many ways these were hard to pick, but I’mma try to narrow it down a bit and not go totally off haha

I actually quite enjoy the jagged, tired Tweek, the one who with help from friends and family manage to get off the meth his parents feed him secretly, but who still struggle with withdrawal, dark bags under his eyes, kinda pale and with sharp features, but he’s still a sweet and kind boy, a boy who wants to make the right choices and change the world to a better place, but who still has a darkness he carries, and the fact that he never gives up that fight is what makes him so special

and okay I have to be honest, I do love myself some sunshine boy Tweek. This Tweek still has issues, he is maybe even more anxious than the last one, but he’s also just as vibrant and energetic as he is anxious! He is an artist, he paints with bright colors, he composes beautiful, hopeful melodies, he feels everything so much, and he is a contagious and exciting person to be around. Cannot dress for the life of him. So much mis-match and odd outfits, but it kinda works?

The last one I’m gonna mention for this wonderful boy, is the more alternative Tweek. He writes obscure poetry, he watches too many conspiracy theory videos on youtube, he draws the monsters in his mind, and he writes the scariest, most hauntingly beautiful stories on the internet, and people online love him. He has no idea how to deal with being popular in that sense, because irl he is the type to not belong to a certain friend group, but he does go along well with most people on a surface level. Dark circles, shaky hands, crooked and cute smiles, baggy t-shirts and ripped jeans. When he first opens up to someone, he really, really does, and he will always support and be there for you. If you deserve it, that is.

Nichole:

also suggested by @soft-craig-and-tweek <3

I love nerdy Nichole who isn’t afraid to show it! Maybe she’s a streamer or youtube gamer even, I can def see her writing fanfiction, and being hella good at it too! Makes quite a name for herself online, and hangs out with the boys a lot irl, has game nights with the boys from Board Girls (even Cartman sometimes), is funny in a sarcastic way, but never mean.

Popular girl Nichole is also a favorite for me, but not in the “classical” sense. I imagine her to be a sporty, maybe on both the basket and volleyball team, captain for the basket one, she’s a born leader, she’s kind and fair, but can also be strict, and people always trust her to be honest and true.

Artsy Nichole!! I imagine her in bright yellow dresses and with her hair flowing and free, with flowers in her hair, freckles on her face, a big, genuine smile, a loud laughter that is so contagious, she loves spending time with Jimmy because they have a very similar humor, and she’s a theater kid, she sings like an angel and can act, oh boy can she act, she can make anyone laugh or cry in just a blink of an eye, she’s just a human sun-ray and I love her a lot

Butters:

suggested by @kinguidamundo, thank you so much!!

I love edgy Butters soooo much??? Like, he’s still a kind and bright boy, but he can also stand up for himself a lot more, he likes fashion a lot, he gets tattoos and piercings, he explores tons of ways to express himself, he’s a yes-dude, he goes out on dates a lot, but isn’t ready for a “real” relationship yet, but he enjoys meeting people and testing out himself around different types of people! Also he is a bi icon change my mind jk u can’t

I have a weak spot for the kind of soft and timid looking Butters too, who wears pastel colors and have big, innocent eyes, he is genuine and kind, but he carries something darker inside, something he isn’t sure how to deal with, something that scares him, but in reality it’s just normal feelings, anger, resentment and fear, but he’s lived his life ignoring them so much they catch him off guard at times. He learns to live with them slowly, and he does so with lots of help and patience from friends and loved ones.

Okay, last one, totally self-indulging here, but yeah, happy sunflower boy is also a big favorite. He is more confident than the previous version, but in a gullible way if that makes any sense? He believes the best in people, and if he is proven wrong, he’s willing to try to help them become better people, if they want to or not! This is honestly the version I love most with Stan, Butters being the ray of sunshine in Stan’s life and Stan being the realism to keep Butters grounded and them both supporting each other so much? Fuck yeah that’s the good stuff.

Clyde:

suggested by @horrorpumpkin, ty sm friend! <3

Himbo Clyde!!! Jock dude who genuinely loves sports, he’s a team player, and while he might not be super intellectual, he is very socially smart, he is kind and empathic, he is funny and likable, he always tries his best to make everyone feel included, and while he loves chicks a lot, and is a sexual dude, he does it with nothing but respect and admiration for the ladies!

Bisexual disaster Clydeeee <3 obv being bi isn’t a personality trait, but he is very open about it, he wants to be confident and good at flirting, but goddamn is he a MESS! He’s also a huge supporter of every single relationship his friends is in, he loves love, in all shapes and forms, he is emotional and kind and awkward in an endearing way.

Can’t leave out crybaby Clyde, can we now? He’s a bit of an awkward bean as well, but he owns it a bit more. He is kinda like a puppy, a cute, excitable and emotional puppy who loves his friends, video games and lazy movie nights, kinda chubby, he loves baking and does it a lot with Tweek, he is also a huge nerd for Harry Potter and totally geek out over it with Kyle and Nichole sdhlksgdhl

Kenny:

suggested by anon!

First up I guess I should put my high school AU Kenny. I know it’s controversial, but I imagine this Kenny to be more on the quiet side, but not really in a shy way. He’s just a bit of an observer who doesn’t speak unless he really sees fit, and while he still has his crude humor and is kinda rumored to be sleeping around a lot, he actually struggle with intimacy issues. He never imagined them to include sexual stuff, but turns out they do, and balancing being sexually open and curious and having these issues ain’t easy on the boy, let me tell you that.

This one is kinda heavily inspired by Luces, but I love him as kind and loyal, but also a bit more chatty and charming, but not for his own gain. He wants others to feel good about themselves, in social settings, his friends, during sexy times, he is selfless and good, but he is also living for the moment, he is a likable and wonderful guy, but he does still only REALLY open up emotionally to people he really trusts. Not traditionally attractive, but interesting looking in a way. Lots of freckles, bit of buck teeth with a big gap between his front teeth, messy kinda curly hair, long straight nose. Always wears baggy hoodies and worn out jeans, shrugs and gives that lopsided smile when people ask him about anything personal.

Mysterious Kennyyyy. You think you know him, everyone does, but in reality, very few have seen the real him. He likes people, and he likes to help them, he’s always down to listen to people’s problems and help them, he wants to inspire kids like himself to never give up and think there’s only one path for them, because he knows there is not. Volunteers at the animal shelter with Stan, works part time at Tweek Bro’s and is good buddies with Tweek. Had a early sexual debut, slept around a bit and got his heart broken unexpectedly when he was a Freshman, so there are some walls there now, but he ain’t usually one to turn down someone who’s up for it and whom with he has good chemistry either.

#kyle broflovski #tweek tweak #nichole daniels #leopold butters stotch #butters stotch #clyde donovan #kenny mccormick #south park #south park headcanon #south park headcanons #sp #South Park tag #sp kenny #sp butters #sp clyde #sp nichole #sp tweek #sp kyle

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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OK K.O.! Let’s Be Heroes!: You’re Everybody’s Sidekick Review

OK KO was easily one of the best animated series of the 2010′s and i’ll stand by those words. The brainchild of Ian Jones Quartlery, voice of Wallow in Bravest Warriors and more importantly former head writer for Steven Universe, and current longtime romantic partner of that series creator Rebecca Sugar. That part isn’t AS important, but I still find it sweet. Anyways OK KO was the story of K.O., a 6-11, not my own laziness for once but the show’s own way of doing age, year old boy who wants to be the best like no one ever was. In this case i’ts being a hero in a world that’s basically like if someone took the marvel universe and smashed a retro game collection and a pile of manga on top of it and then blended up the result and shot it full of gamma rays. Full of heroes of all kinds ranging from those fighitng crime to those who just want to loiter outside strip malls or cut hair. To achieve this goal KO gets a job at Gar’s Bodega, the combination of your average bodega (for those unfamiliar with the term, i’ts a convience store) and a video game item shop, so the slurpee machine is right next to the power ups and ninja stars, and everything from skateboard polish to Spread Guns is avaliable. The bodega is owned by Mr.Gar, a mustachiosed muscle man whose basically a shoutier mexican version of MIke Haggar but with shades and a mustache. So a somehow better version of him, though with him being busy watching over the plaza itself, doing secret hero missions and what not the day to day operations are left to two teens: Rad, a muscle bound dude bro alien with telekenisis and a secret heart of gold and Enid, a cynical, slacker ninja whose also bilogically a witch because her parents are a vampire and a werewolf. So the series follows these three as they run the boedega, grow as people and fight the robots that frequently attack the plaza sent by the evil Lord Boxman who hates the place literally because it’s there and it’s existance annoys him. This is the canon explination and it is utterly hilarious. The series was funny, had great character work, decent ongoing stories, great jokes and a fun tone that could go from meaningful and well thorught ot utterly batshit from episode to episode and was sadly canceled after 3 seasons because Cartoon Network is kinda stupid right now and dosen’t know how to handle a superhero show that still makes action a priority, but it did get a solid ending, a slew of great crossovers and a decent amount of representation under i’ts belt. WHich brings us to today and the start of RED ACTION WEEK: A week dedicated to the series most prominent gay character and the bisexual ninja witch who loves her. I’m covering all 5 of Red’s more prominent apperances... I was just going to do the red/enid episodes but decided this was a better introduction to the series itself, as well as the fact it allows her character arc to better tie together by her final episode, which directly uses this one as a major plot point. I also threw Plaza Prom in there since, even if she’s only a supporting character, it’s still one of her few major apperances, is part of her final major episode, is one of my faviorites, and the climactic dance fights is one of the most intentionally homoerotic fight scenes i’ve seen in some time. With all that out of the way, let’s do this after the cut.

We start at Gar’s Bodega, just after the opening two parter, with KO starting his first day of work, part of the reason this episode is a fairly smooth introduction into the show. Not even in the door he accidently shoryukyn’s joe cuppa, a stand up comedian with a cup of coffee in the big time for a head... I told you anything goes and I meants it. After that accident, we find Enid at the counter, ignoring the customers before shooing them away and when KO asks for work, plays along with his enthusasim and tells him to clean the store.. which he does in minutes, before being told to sort the penny dish, and while he does the two discuss KO’s love of helping people: KO just genuinely thinks that’s part of his job, the right thing to do and feels good while Enid.. dosen’t feel it’s worth the effort and people are just generally ungreatful and not worth it. I really like this scene for showing off their character dynamic beautifully: It starts showing that while at this stage Enid is largely an asshole, she does care about K.O. and while he’s cleaning, despite usually turning customers away, still let’s Ginger, an elderly patron and one of KO’s mom’s dojo customers, not only check out but pay in freaking pennies. It shows that try as she might, Enid really isn’t a cyncial or heartlesss as she claims. It’s also nice setup for later in the season as, and as i’m sure Ian Jones Quartlery and crew were preparing for, we later DO see why Enid hates people so much: her best friend, possibly more, Elodie, who i’ll certainly be covering eventually, betrayed her for a spot at Point Prep, basically UHA or Xavier’s for this world and claimed their friendship was just a ploy (It wasn’t, but again, story for another time), while her one date with Rad went terribly due to him acting like a huge jackass at the advice of his even bigger jackasses of friends. It’s easy to see why she stopped carring: When she opened up in the past it only lead to her being hurt and alone. K.O.... is the opposite. He genuinely belivies in everyone and tries to help them because, as said above, it’s just what he does and what he belivies a hero should be... he hasn’t been hurt or influenced by assholes like his friends, and thus is able to get them to open up. It’s a wonderful dynamic and I love it. And naturally, KO is determined to help Enid see the light, with Enid responding with the wonderful line “You’ll never melt my icy heart”... give him a few more episodes Enid, give him a few more episodes. So K.O. Decides to set out helping people, shouting about it to enid back at the store as he does because he’s 6-11 and kids in that age range are many things, but subtle is not one of them. He starts with Geoff and Nick Army, a monk and gay duke nukem reflectivity who despite having polar oppositie personalities, are both a couple, as confirmed by the creative team and then the finale, and a crime fighting duo who are having a dispute over opening a pickle jar with the good old ultra violence or non violence, which KO solves by letting both do it once, which results in a pickle jar explosion, both men in their underwear and everyone happy, especially the shippers. KO continues his quest, going to Logical Cuts where we meet Mr.Logic, a robot who has a rather moving and well done backstory we’ll certainly get to, and is voice by James Urabanik, aka the voice of Rusty Venture on the venture bros, to my utter delight. And yes i’ll be covering the venture bros eventually, and might be this month. His customer, another one of KO’s mom’s regulars, is upset because her haircut isn’t right while Mr.Logic is upset, well as upset as a monotone robot can convey, that his usually 100% mathmatically perfect haircuts are off. KO pitches in and the new result is perfect, with both being greatful.

KO’s next stop on his good will help people crying for help tour, after the above bit of wonderful art shift as that version of ko moveds like a south park character for some reason. Anyways, it turns out best friends, co workers and the dante and randal of this show, i.e.two best friends working a dead end job who despite arguing a lot need each other, A Real Magical Skeleton, self explaintory and Greg, a bear, are having an argument because RMS is trying to do their job and frame a baseball for a guy while Greg is being a dickhead and playing the drums constantly. As you can probably wager, I do not like Greg, probably more than rusty, partly because a future episode has him making KO doubt his macaroni art gift for his mom so he can eat it, yes really,and partly because he’s less intresting than his buddy and yet the two are shipped frequently despite my honest assumption they’d kill each other.. much like if dante and randall finally banged. However if you do ship them, I have no hostility with you. Unlike say loudcest or shipping sam with lincoln over at the loud hosue, there's nothing wrong with RMS X Brandon, it’s just not for me. Anywho KO solves it in the hilarious and awesome manner of just putting Brandon inside one of those baseball cube things... it’s a shame he apparently gave him air holes but whatever. Proud of himself, K.O. plans to head back when he runs into the Ally Teens: Red Action, rude teen warrior from the future who just had a bad haircut, Drupe, a sentient strawberry because of course, and Greg, Drupe’s nonbinary best friend and combination of one of the bone cousins and Woodstock. K.O. offers to help and , with the trio being huge steaming bowls of elephant piss at this point, they instead trick him into waiting in a lava flow and then have drupe whip him every time the lava causes him to cartoonishily jump in the air. Yeah despite both Red Action and Drupe going on to having supporting roles, like our good pal tom, who I will get back to this month, there isn’t nearly as much wiggle room in their first apperance. With Tom Lucitor, he was a dick.. but you could make the case, even just off that ep that he genuinely dosen’t know HOW to be a good person or that what he’s doing is sketchy at best. Here, it’s fairly obvious the ally teens know setting a child on fire and using vine whip on him super effectively is wrong, that’s why their doing it. Red, being that special brand of asshole, posts it on social media. I mean posting a video of yourself hurting a child, that’s Tucker Carlson level’s of dickery right there. Stone cold. Enid sees it and is understandably concerned, and goes over to see if KO’s allright when he returns and is forced to explain to him that no they weren’t laughing with him, they were laughing at him and were just being dicks. Also he wasn’t in lava, it was magma. It was above ground.

K.O. glumly wonders why and Enid reitrates this kind of shit is why she dosen’t help people. K.O. also wonders how she saw it and we find out Enid is basically facebook stalking red action on her social media, as you do, and that Red’s been on a bit of a tear lately, smashing up shit and farting in Geoff’s face all because she got a bad haircut, with K.O. , likely going thorugh more of her posts, realizing theirs a pattern: When bad things happen to her she lashes out at others.. just like Enid. I do like the parallel there: Enid likely has a crush on her because the two are fairly similar.. but Enid runs cold and tens to be standoffish as a result of her past, while Red tens to take out her anger and frustration on everyone else and runs red hot. But they come together because opposities attract... it’s what noble laurite MC Scat Kat taaught us after all. K.O. however, having Steven Universe level’s of empahty and an equal sense of wanting to help, and just as few boundries as he had as a tween, decides that it’s clear the ally teens have underlying issues to adress and gets Enid help to look at their social media. Returning to the ally,and seemingly unphased by earlier, K.O. sets out helping them, starting by helping red get her haircut fixed by Mr. Logic. Red is adorably delighted. Moving on K.O. notes that Drupe basically just follows Red’s lead but has a fashion blog and clearly an identiy of her own and we soon learn she believes no one reads it. K.O. showed it to the not at all ambigiously gay duo and Geoff and Nick thank her> That’s two blushes and two wins in K.O.’s court. Finishing up, K.O. realizes Gregg stays quiet because they have low self esteem and feel they have nothing to be proud of. K.O. however found lots to be proud of and framed Gregg’s valdectorian certificate for him, again with some help from earlier. Instead of graditude red just calls him weird and leaves and KO slumps back depressed. I’ts a good lesson though: people DON’T change just because you did one weirdly kind thing for them. That takes time.. as we’ll see with Red and as we see with Drupe, who has less of an ons creen journey but is far nicer after her next apperance. While Enid is grossed out over having helped someone, Gregg comes in.. and after some great deranged animation thanks K.O. and Enid admits after some prodding that it does feel good to help, and K.O. is happy to have helped her int he process. The two playfully mess around as the episode ends. Final Thoughts: This was a really good one. Reaching back this far into the series, I didn’t think it’d would be nearly as good as it ended up: It serves both as a good proper introduction for a lot of the plaza regulars, a good setup for Enid’s character arc, and was also really funny with great animation. LIke Tom, I don’t think the creators knew exactly what they were going to do with the Alley Teens and thus take the two they end up focusing on in opposite directon: Red keeps her assholishness for her next apperance and grows from it, while Drupe’s drops off by the end of this season, likely due to her fashion blog taking off, but we’ll get into Red more in a review or so and Drupe more later this month.For now this episode was good and next up we have their next apperance in Plaza Prom. Until then, follow this blog for more reviews and nonsense, like and reblog it if you enjoyed this, hit me up with asks for review suggestions or comssions and until next time, later days!

#ok ko let's be heroes #you're everybody's sidekick #enid #red action #rednid #drupe #gregg #ko #geoff #nick army #mr.logic #ginger #lbgtq+#pride month #happy pride

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dansnaturepictures · 4 years ago

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My eighth wildlife and wildlife and photography highlights of 2020 blog-Our trip to Devon and Cornwall in August

Dipper, Chough, Manx Shearwater and more

You may recall that a permanent fixture in these highlights blogs every year has been our trips to Rutland Water to attend the British Birdwatching Fair. The organisers took a correct, timely and classy decision to cancel it this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It would have not been possible to do safely this year given the nature, popularity and international scope of the event. I did miss going to Rutland it was my first summer since 2007 I didn’t go to Rutland or the wider East Midlands, but I enjoyed where I could getting involved and also donating to the virtual Bird Fair they held instead which by checking the schedules and watching talks and things I felt very much the same exciting vibes I got going to the Bird Fair every year since I was kid.

But I still had the Friday and Monday booked off work for when it would have been on. So as restrictions allowed us at that stage we booked to go to Devon for three nights to visit certain West Country wildlife rich and beautiful locations we knew. Something I felt very excited about I do love this area of the country what a bonus to get to go back after doing so last September going to Cornwall and this and last January in Gloucestershire my last trip away. It was nice to just stay somewhere else other than home for the first time in five months for me safely. On the way on the Friday in and out of sunshine we took in wonderful views of the countryside, most notably seeing the famous Stonehenge in Wiltshire a place I had seen before from the car but I had never managed or even really tried to photograph it so I did that that day I just managed to get my camera ready in time to take pictures of it through the car window including the first in this photoset a fun moment making me excited for my next West Country adventure it’s such a great staging post in any journey there.

When we arrived and settled into the lovely cottage we stayed in in a working farm environment, we ventured to three lovely lakes in a nice light evening they have here. It was such a beautiful walk, I took in brilliant views over this typical Devon countryside which I love. It was particularly a very nice night of flowers and insects a botanist’s dream a little bit, we saw so many wonderful flowers including late foxgloves in the rain, lovely rosebay willowherb, some striking orange and pink ones nice to see them with raindrops on and insects flying around. The orange ones I found out later on were montbretia. As we drove in on a day that had its fair share of rain it was comical to see little makeshift “rivers” flowing along the roads and lanes so it was nice to capture this in a photo too. During the walk it rained that night just a bit and the sun shone, I looked over the fields seeing the dark clouds behind and thought to myself that’s where the rainbow will go and I said that to my Mum and like happened earlier this year surely enough a rainbow did then appear right on that patch and it looked glorious I took the second picture in this photoset of it. A nice addition to my best ever year of rainbows fittingly given what they came to mean in 2020 and a beautiful start to the holiday I felt very relaxed that day especially compared to weeks that proceeded it. I also saw a couple of Wrens that night which was very nice as I felt in the heart of Devon countryside I really tasted that in a sense and embraced by it. A lovely moth a Yellow-barred Brindle came in that night showing good continuity from them coming in at home the weeks leading up to the trip away.

We started the Saturday away with a walk up the lane from where we’re staying, it started rainy and then got sunny, we enjoyed some stunning Devonshire views of lovely countryside which was a great start to the day alongside being very relaxed at being away and excited. On this walk like I did throughout the day I saw more rosebay willowherb. As the sun really came out I was delighted to see beautiful Swallows flying very close overhead and landing on the wire, a special moment with a great bird. A young Robin outside the cottage was very lovely to see and I saw and photographed one at Fingle Bridge later on that day which was memorable. I also saw nice butterflies Speckled Wood and Large White on this walk. I took third picture in this photoset of a view on this walk.

We then went to Fingle Bridge the main place we wanted to come this trip away to search for one of my favourite birds the Dipper. Here it was nice to see Grey Wagtail, Red Admiral, Large White and Southern Hawker as we took in stunning views of a beautiful habitat I love so much gushing water flowing over rocks through a valley in the woods a habitat I find very delicious. I also felt I went back in time and saw some Silver-washed Fritillaries strong butterflies for the habitat one who’s season had long since ended at home in Hampshire. Whilst in Hampshire as I said in my last highlights blog at this stage I was taking in lots of sights and signs of autumn there were only some with one tree in autumn colour here. The flower sightings the night before and that day showed the season in Devon was slightly behind and a little more how the year normally unfolds actually.

Our quest to see a Dipper at Fingle Bridge after walking around was beginning to look a bit fruitless, but I kept saying we must never give up and all we needed was a moment of magic to see one. Luck changes in seconds with these birds. We came across an angler who we spoke to at a safe social distance as we were eating one or two wild raspberries and he had some too and I had some blackberries further on. We asked if he’d seen a Dipper on his travels and he had as well as Kingfisher too the Dipper recently and he told us roughly how far along. It was a very pleasant chat. We walked on checking the river at all times and we saw a Dipper! Very likely the same one. That one moment had happened and I felt so happy. We got brilliant views of it on the rocks in the water and it was very interesting to see it flying as I had done before and see it swimming a bit which I never had before really in the flesh. I got my first photo of an adult Dipper since 2014 the fourth in this photoset, we had seen the bird we had come for as we had here in 2015 which meant it was mission accomplished and we could feel anything that happened on the trip now was a bonus and it was a relief to see this my 12th ever occasion of seeing a Dipper.

It was quite an emotional moment really. 2020 looked like a year we could possibly see a Dipper when we went to North Wales in June we had the right habitat and had locations where we looked for them there in 2016 but that was rightly postponed due to the virus at that stage. I then thought and even said I would not see a Dipper this year and I accepted that. But then the Bird Fair was also cancelled and we managed to sneak a staying-away trip in to this area we love so much and Dipper was the bird we’d come for and we’d managed it which I loved. It was very thrilling to see this bird. 10 years on in very similar habitat (My first ever Dipper was at Exmoor’s Watersmeet which Fingle Bridge is like a Dartmoor version of) from seeing my first Dipper I was reminded why they are one of my favourite birds and how much I love it. Interestingly during my last time off work for more than one day before this my hot week off of day trips in Hampshire and most notably surrounding counties to it in June, on the Friday I watched Julia Bradbury’s ‘Walks with a View’ programme I think repeated where she walked Lynmouth to Watersmeet as part of her walk that episode and saw Dippers which made me very nostalgic this before I knew we’d get to go to Devon so it just made me feel very nice that. Year list wise it was a very important milestone being my 170th bird of 2020. A worthy bird to be the milestone which made me very happy. Equally I didn’t know if I’d reach 170 birds this year it’s been a crazy and restrictive (for the best for us all of course) year a figure it always feels smashing and I am proud to reach I’ve only achieved it six times so I felt happy. I came away once again with a very good impression of Fingle Bridge what a fantastic place it is, the woods and river habitat I just love so much. There’s also lots of nice picnic areas it’s a typical National Trust place so it was nice to see lots of people safely enjoying time outside this August it gave me great holiday vibes.

We then moved into Meldon Reservoir. At Fingle Bridge I had some therapeutic moments listening to and watching the water gush over rocks and falls, and I had very much the same here but in a different more open setting perhaps. Here I simply took in some of the greatest views I’ve seen this trip and this year so far it was exceptional. Typical national park views within Dartmoor. I had never seen anything like it being at a reservoir and dam really and walking along it. It was a wonderful walk through breathtaking countryside. I took the fifth picture in this photoset from here I enjoyed taking pictures there so much. I even managed a dip in the river myself when it turned out the circular route we did meant we had to cross a tributary to the stream a lovely holiday moment for the weekend. I saw Dartmoor ponies here and some Jackdaws which was nice. Being at a dam was so good also as I have seen in my previous visits especially north/mid Devon ones we can learn a lot from the South West about how to use renewable energy and put it into the landscape a wind turbine was visible in the distance too. Its landscape features so good for this. I know there are other uses for the reservoir obviously. So I really saw that up close and personal it’s something that has interested me since school renewable energy use and obviously we should all be interested in so I found that great that day. This was a walk at Meldon reservoir that really allowed me to take in great views and absolutely tire myself out which is what it’s all about for me. That day I also set my record for photos produced in one day producing over 60 which I would emulate the next day and in my Norfolk and Bushy Park trips this year.

On the Sunday we did something that was a surprise idea and something we did not expect to at all this long weekend, and made the trek from where we’re staying near to Oakhampton, Devon to Cape Cornwall and Botallack in the vicinity of Land’s End in Cornwall two standout locations of our wild Cornish September 2019 holiday to see if we could see two star birds there that we did last year which I wouldn’t see anywhere else this year another of my favourites the Chough and a favourite bird B lister for me the Manx Shearwater. Since 2016 the beginning of my working life holidays particularly as well as all time off have increased in importance for me with long summer holidays and the like no longer something I can enjoy. And the lineups in each year since, particularly 2018 and 2019 although 2017 taking in locations we already know well was good too have been amazing with so many memorable trips away from home and smashing stuff happening in them wildlife and landscape dominated and mostly both. In my 2019 holidays particularly the last to Cornwall I really realised how content I was going away to different locations in my own country and doing what I love wildlife watching and photography. So places like these I took to my heart. When we left Cornwall, doing a second trip to Cape Cornwall mostly to walk the dogs before we left due to practicalities and because we loved it so much, I sort of thought I treasured these places so much and I wouldn’t see them again for another three or four years if I was lucky. I said to my Dad before coming away at the possibility of if we didn’t see a Dipper the day before which we did in the end at Fingle Bridge in Devon our main bird target, maybe crossing the Cornish border to go to Boscastle where we’ve seen them before a little bit into Cornwall that would feel strange in a good way returning to Cornwall so soon. But to actually be going to the places we were at last year right at the end of Cornwall, in this crazy rollercoaster of a year was something else.

The day started in a wild way as I saw and photographed a spider in the bath in the cottage we stayed in a similar one to one I got a memorable photo of in my en suite at home on the second May bank holiday Monday. After a nice journey there as the sun came out which felt like going to Anglesey when we stayed in Snowdonia in 2016 for scale of a big journey within time away, in which we saw lots of birds of prey like Buzzard, Kestrel and maybe a Peregrine, we got here and took in stunning views of the dramatic coast in the sun and peak purple heather everywhere and reacquainted ourselves with the beautiful place Cape Cornwall. We did the same with the wildlife, seeing scores of Gannets young and old, Fulmar, Shag, Oystercatcher, Turnstone, get intimate moments with Herring and Great Black Backed Gulls, see another Buzzard and also see a little moth and a cricket which was nice. I enjoyed nice flowers there that day too.

I also saw a decent few butterflies at Cape Cornwall in perhaps the hottest weather we had all trip. It was nice for it to be and feel so hot and sunny after a wet start in Devon for us that day. This included Small Tortoiseshell, some Common Blues and most notably a smashing view of a Wall Brown. I finally got to see one and really make out its features this year one I had had two occasions of quick and flighty and quite distant views of prior to this point in 2020. I very much enjoyed seeing this beautiful mostly coastal butterfly for us up close and I liked taking a picture of it with my big lens with its wings closed.

At this stage in the walk like the Dipper the day before we had not seen a Chough and we were rather making hard work of doing so. I joked we were chuffed to see a Dipper that day’s yesterday but were we going to dip (out) on Chough today (to those who don’t know, “dip out” is a birdwatching term to mean you have missed seeing the bird you are looking for). But I kept the same motto as the day before, we must stay positive and focused as it only took one moment for it to happen.

On the way back to the car at Cape Cornwall that day we got that moment. The one thing had concerned me compared to two visits here last September was we had not heard the distinctive call of this scarlet-billed crow at all which we had a lot here last year. The Chough is a bird you’ve really got to be hearing before you can even think about seeing one. As we walked up the hill I heard two finally, and turned around and there were two black birds flying from where the call was made. I got them in the binoculars but could not quite see their beaks properly. My Mum had just about seen the shape of them but not the red colour and thought Chough. I needed that little bit more convincing as similarly sounding Jackdaws were by the shore to the left of where we were looking moments before so could have easily rose up. They looked more right for Choughs though and we walked back in the direction of the lower reaches of the hill where we’d seen them last year. Here we managed to see them again sitting on the cliff and the pair flew frequently, but we saw their red beaks and were in no doubt now they were Choughs. We enjoyed a glorious few minutes with these precious birds we really did get so close to them, I felt very happy to see and hear them. Once again this weekend away patience had paid off. I took the sixth picture in this photoset of one of the Choughs at Cape Cornwall that day.

As bird 171 in my year it did make me happy and made my year list at that stage my third highest compared to what I had seen on this date in previous years behind 2018 and 2019 my two highest ever year lists. It also marked the first time I saw one as one of my favourite birds which was nice, I had always been fond of them throughout my birdwatching but last September after the holiday I added it to my list of favourites. There’s was only at that stage six of my current list of favourite birds I was yet to see as I mentioned in my favourite birds highlights post in this thread, six I know I have not visited any locations I could see them or are just very hard ones to see so I did very well for seeing them this year. We left Cape Cornwall once more feeling very satisfied indeed. I also enjoyed seeing more great rock samphire at Cape Cornwall that day alongside other nice flowers.

We then moved onto Botallack and had a lovely covid-secure takeaway cream tea to eat on benches I always say you have got to have a cream tea if you come to the West Country and between this and a Devonshire one waiting for us when we arrived at this cottage on the Friday we had a Devon and Cornwall one ultimately. It was amazing how the National Trust made it so safe to enjoy their facilities in terms of the pandemic I was impressed. At Botallack it started to cloud over as the weather forecast suggested but as the visit went on we saw quite a bit of the sun as well. It also looked very purple here perhaps compared to when we came last a few weeks later in the year last year into September thanks to the flowering heather. This meant three of favourite habitats were combined this weekend away, heather, coast and water flowing through a rocky valley in woods over steep gradients and three of my most beautiful places to be. It was more of the same bird wise at Botallack with Choughs delightfully seen again over the café’s area and over the sea, Jackdaws, Buzzard again showing well and a Raven seen sitting on the central chimney for a very long time which was great to see it’s always a great spot for different types of crows here. I took the seventh picture in this photoset of a nice heather and coastal view here today.

We were here mostly to try and sneak in seeing a Manx Shearwater as we did last year and my Mum and her partner has the last two years here, a bird we did not expect to see at all this year. We studied Gannets flying right to left across the sea as the day rolled on; we did wonder if we were too early to see a Manx Shearwater and we would have had more luck in September as we did all across this part of Cornwall las year. But we did just manage to see a few Manx Shearwaters flying over with the Gannets, making out their features. It was not my best ever views of this bird but it was good enough and meant I could tick them and enjoy seeing them a little. Whilst looking at the Buzzard and more Choughs it was a really nice atmosphere of arriving here and waiting until a point in early evening to see if we could see any quite magical really. The sea remained calm but perhaps the day got a little rougher and it was a weird sensation after weather at this stage after hot days being a bit cold this evening. I ended the day on 172 birds seen in 2020 something I reached in July the last two years so I am not too far behind really. I took some interesting photos of the views of the sea and cliffs through a makeshift window which stood out– a gap in the buildings of the distinctive old tin mine fixtures which define this area and make it quite charming.

I took the eighth picture in this photoset of a lowering sun behind trees visible from the cottage when we returned that evening. This ended two really packed full days away that weekend and I loved being away so much. A perfect substitution to being at the Bird Fair, what a way to spend a summer weekend it did feel so hot and summery that weekend with okay some rain in places and I felt very happy and relaxed. I saw some top-class wildlife birds especially but butterflies and flowers too alongside other things and took in some varied and breathtaking views. Meeting some great people at a safe social distance along the way! So many photos produced again possibly some of my highest amounts ever each day and so many top memories made little and big.

With these memories strongly in my mind as we prepared to return home on the Monday I took one last walk around the area the cottage was in that had three lovely lakes where we had walked on the Friday evening. Like that walk I enjoyed seeing flowers (Yellow dahlias different colour to the ones I enjoyed in our garden so much this year, foxgloves, rosebay willowherb and some other lovely orange summer flowers we saw all over the south west that weekend I believe montbretia), insects some horsefly type things and a common blue damselfly and a nice view of a Wren and Swallow before we left.

We had a bit of a disaster leaving when the roof box for our luggage on the car’s key section broke so it could not be locked. With the help and advice of some very kind people at the farm we stayed, the postman who happened to come by quite charming for a rural area and in the post office at Bridestowe a local village we managed to arrange a makeshift tie down of the box using some rope ties and some newspaper ties and parcel tape from the post office shop there. We had to be resourceful but this type of thing can be what holidays are all about in terms of memories. I took in some views of this picturesque village of Bridestowe and saw a Woodpigeon, Collated Dove, Jackdaws and House Martins whilst there. Quite an adventure.

What followed was effectively a safari through the beautiful Dartmoor National Park as it was one of those sunny and rainy days getting a fair amount of each. We took in the stunning and uniquely carved out landscape, I took pictures of it from the car and at a little stop. On the stop we saw some of the hardy Dartmoor ponies of different colours too which was great I took the ninth photo in this set of one I enjoyed this. We then arrived at a planned stopover point to have a little walk from before travelling home, Dartmeet on the banks of the dart where we’d come in 2015 another very nice river through woods habitat similar to Fingle Bridge where went on the Saturday. We walked one way through rain and sun taking in stunning views along the river and were happy to find Dart Valley nature reserve and we walked along there. I took the tenth and final picture in this photoset there.

After eating lunch in the car park area through sun and rain once more we walked the other way through a heath. More stunning views were on offer here and then the walk came alive for wildlife sightings. We saw a Sparrowhawk chasing a Swallow which noisily tried to see it off, when looking at it I noticed a lovely common lizard sat on a little rockface it gave a great view but I was not quite fast enough for a picture. I noticed loads more of the little things of nature on the walk like a lovely spider on a hard to see web that looked as though it was skating in the air to get from bit of heather to heather therefore. Bees and Beautiful Demoiselles as we had seen the other side of the river completed this. Perhaps the stage was stolen though by another of my favourite dragon and damselflies when a Golden-ringed Dragonfly flew along flying right at us and then along we got a cracking view of this. Then a Buzzard a star bird of our weekend flew over too. On the way home we drove past the beautiful Postbridge in Dartmoor in the lovely cottage we stayed in there was a homely picture of this hung up.

This made a pleasant end to the journey of this weekend away for us taking in some of the key habitat of this weekend that breathtaking river through woods over steep gradients in the land area and the Dartmoor landscape. What a fantastic weekend away we had, some of the best, most enjoyable and memorable times this summer and year for me for relaxing, walking, wildlife watching and photography. As I said we did and saw so much and I loved every minute of it well worth how excited I was for the weekend away it lived up to it well.

We had a fun moment on the way home still in Devon seeing some lovely Cattle Egrets in a field! A year tick on my birthday at WWT Slimbridge the last time we came to the West Country so this was very nice. In Dorset on the way home we went a different way to when we came we had a smashing view of some adorable Roe Deers on the roadside so the journey there and back had great points of interest.

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hockeylvr59 · 5 years ago

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Life Changes Part 3 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all.

Authors Note: Part 3 of my Biz rewrite. Added about 400 words including a little lowkey flirting so check it out, no major changes but I like to think there’s it’s worth you reading again even if you read the original part 3.

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no Warnings: none Word Count: 3,707

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“Stop looking for happiness in the same place that you lost it.”

It had been two weeks since I left Boston. Two weeks since I found out that my ex had used me by pretending to be mine until it wasn’t convenient anymore and he dumped me to marry his real girlfriend. Two weeks since he broke my heart in two again and left me to pick up the pieces.

To say that I hadn’t been myself was maybe the understatement of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I did my job to the best of my ability, both with the podcast and with my clients, but I kept conversations as brief as I could manage and the easy smile that usually graced my face had completely disappeared. I was eternally exhausted, tossing and turning in my bed every night, the same bed that I’d been with him in, sharing the most intimate pieces of myself.

It had been two weeks from one of the worst days of my life when my phone buzzed causing me to roll over in bed to see who was trying to get in touch with me at almost midnight. The name ‘Paul Bissonnette’ was at the top of a string of text message alerts and sighing softly, I reached for my phone before laying back down to read them.

Hey, you there…

C’mon I know you’re still awake. You’re a self-admitted night owl.

I’m worried about you. We’re all worried about you.

Come to Arizona. Leave the crappy cold rainy/snowy weather and come hang out with me in the sunshine.

Please??

I have a spare bedroom.

Reading his messages I sighed softly. Maybe it would be good to get away from my apartment and get some sun. I didn’t have any court dates upcoming or meetings with clients scheduled so there was no real reason I had to stay on the east coast and the weather had really sucked lately. There had been maybe one day of sunshine in the past month and it was on a day that was something like 18 degrees outside.

You sure you want to put up with me, I’m not the most pleasant person to be around lately?

Yes. Get your pretty ass to Scottsdale.

Sighing, I reached for my computer located beside my bed and once it booted up I pulled open my go-to travel site to try and find a flight to the west coast. Tickets weren’t cheap but it wasn’t like I was going to have to pay for a hotel and the more I thought about the suggestion Paul had made, the more I realized that getting away would be good for me. Booking tickets for a week-long trip, I sent the info to Paul before climbing out of bed.

My flight was scheduled to leave at just after 7am the next morning. That meant I needed to be at the airport by 5:30 or so and it was about an hour and a half drive there meaning I needed to leave at 4am. It was already past midnight and I obviously needed to pack so I said goodbye to the possibility of sleeping tonight telling myself that it would be worth it when I reached the warmth of Arizona. Seeing that Paul had yet to respond to me I shot him another text before running my fingers through my hair.

You’re picking me up, right?

Grabbing my suitcase from my closet, I quickly looked up Arizona’s weather before grabbing clothes to pack into it. It was in the 70’s and 80’s there mid-March so I packed my one and only swimsuit along with shorts, tank tops and t-shirts, adding a pair of jeans, yoga pants and a sweatshirt for going into restaurants or for the cooler evenings. As I finished with my clothing and moved to pack the necessities located in the bathroom, my phone buzzed with a new message.

Damn you’re efficient. See you in the morning. Travel safe.

Once I’d finished packing my suitcase, I worked on preparing my carry-on with all of the files I’d need to work on my current caseload for clients as well as anything I needed for the podcast. It was almost 1:30 in the morning by the time I had my things ready to go and so I switched to getting myself ready. Putting some music on, I slipped into the bathroom for a quick shower before getting dressed again and then settled onto my lounge chair in my living room to watch something random on tv until I needed to leave.

I was tired but actually kind of excited to see a new part of the country because the furthest west I’d ever been was South Dakota. As I drove to the airport I listened to the newest podcast episode, however, the closer I got the more a nauseous feeling came over me and I dug in my bag for peppermints to try and calm my stomach. The nausea had to be from the excitement, lack of sleep, or from not having had much to eat the past few days so I didn’t let it worry me.

After checking my bag and passing through security, I headed to the gate to wait on my flight. I wasn’t there long before I found myself making a mad dash to the bathroom feeling the need to heave even if there wasn’t anything in my stomach to throw up.

On my way back to the gate, I stopped to buy a bottle of water and a muffin, hoping that some hydration and food would help. When I finally boarded, I was still nauseous but thankfully hadn’t thrown up again. Settling onto the plane, I buckled up and then tried to doze off and get at least a little bit of rest during the four-hour flight. By the time I stirred we were only about 20 minutes away, 20 minutes that I prayed passed quickly because the nausea from before was still present and hadn’t ebbed.

A bumpy landing nearly did me in, but I managed to quell the urge to puke by popping another peppermint and resting my head on my knees. Climbing off the plane, I felt like a zombie making my way to baggage claim. Waiting for me there was the 6’2” Canadian who had convinced me to come here. Taking in my appearance he winced visibly before wrapping his arms around me gently.

“Can you hold this for a minute?” I mumbled offering him my carry on. When he took it, I quickly glanced around for the nearest restroom before speed-walking over. Once inside a stall I finally gave in to the nausea, throwing up the muffin that I forced myself to eat before takeoff. When I returned, I reached for my bag to grab another mint, hoping to hide the smell of vomit.

“You could’ve said you were sick and not come,” Paul assured me, seeing right through my actions as he turned to search for my luggage.

“I didn’t start feeling sick until I was driving to the airport. And I’m fine, my body is just worn down from stress. I’m here to get refreshed and renewed, aren’t I?” Though his expression showed his continued concern, when I pointed to my bag, Paul grabbed it and then returned to my side, placing a hand on my lower back to guide me through the airport to where he was parked.

“Have you slept at all recently?” He asked once I was settled into his car and he was back behind the wheel to take me to his place.

“I napped for the majority of the plane ride.” I insisted, although the yawn leaving my throat gave away that I hadn’t slept much more than that. Instead of responding, Paul just raised an eyebrow at me before turning his attention back to the road. It wasn’t long before we reached his condo and I had to admit that it was beautiful. Of course, the decorations were lacking and it was a total bachelor pad, but the space itself was stunning.

Paul took my things and placed them in his spare room while I was looking around and when he returned he insisted on giving me a proper tour. As I looked outside, Paul pointed out the pool and that the key was right by the door and that I was welcome to use it as much as I wanted. His condo also had a firepit and I was looking forward to spending the evenings there. The smell of fire was one of my favorite scents and that was the kind of relaxation I needed.

Back inside, he pointed out the hall bathroom and where the spare room was before detouring to point to his room and then letting me go settle in.

“Why don’t you rest for a few hours and then maybe we can grab lunch or something?” He suggested. Nodding, I grabbed his hand and pulled him back for a hug.

“Thanks for insisting I get away and for putting me up. I need this.” After returning my hug and insisting that it wasn’t a big deal, Paul left me to unpack a bit and just relax. After changing from my winter clothes into pajama shorts and a tank, I crawled into bed and within moments crashed from exhaustion.

When I stirred from sleep, it took me a minute to recall where I was. A glance at my phone screen told me that it was almost five o’clock, almost six hours after I’d fallen asleep. Sliding out of bed, I stretched before padding out from the guest bedroom in search of something to drink because my throat was dry from the change in humidity.

By the time I reached the kitchen and was looking for a glass, I heard the patio door open and instead of just directing me to the proper cabinet, Paul was opening the fridge and handing me a bottle of water.

“Sleeping beauty awakes….you feeling better?” Taking a sip of the bottle of water I nodded. My stomach felt much better than it had before and the quality of sleep definitely had me feeling like less of a zombie.

“Yeah, thanks…I didn’t realize a few hours was six though. Why’d you let me sleep so long?”

“You looked like you needed it and you were too peaceful to disturb.” He replied shrugging as he leaned against the counter. “You want to clean up a bit, get dressed and then go get some dinner?”

“Sure.” I agreed, though I didn’t move until I had finished the bottle of water, tossing it into the recycling bin in the corner of the room. Ten minutes later I was dressed in a pair of capris and a cute top, sandals on my feet with a sweater draped over my arm. Quickly I checked my appearance in the mirror before grabbing my phone and wallet so that we could head out.

The car ride to and from dinner was filled with music, Paul letting me choose the radio station in his car. Conversation came easy, talking about our families and hometowns, what experiences had led to where each of us was today. There was something about Paul’s presence that made me feel relaxed, and I never found myself worried about what he was thinking. When we finished dinner I attempted to pay the check but Paul refused to let me anywhere near the bill, insisting that the guys would never let him live it down if they found out he’d let me pay.

Upon returning to Paul’s place after dinner, we made our way out to the patio and Paul started a fire. The way the flames flickered, almost seemingly to the sound of the music playing softly from a speaker, made me smile and I just snuggled into the lounge chair, having pulled a sweatshirt on for warmth before coming outside.

“So…” Paul’s voice eventually broke the silence and I turned my head to look over at him. “The yotes play tomorrow and I have to work but I was wondering if you wanted to come to the game? I can give you a quick tour and you can just enjoy some hockey where you don’t care about the outcome?”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun…I have to get some work done myself tomorrow but I wasn’t really planning on spending the entire day working.” Going to a new NHL arena was always a cool experience and it was certainly a more interesting way to spend my time here than just curled up on Paul’s couch all day.

“Awesome.”

After that, silence filled the air again but it was comfortable like there wasn’t anything that needed to be said and the two of us could just exist in the same space. Occasionally I’d look over at Paul to find him watching the fire or looking up at what few stars were visible in the Arizona sky. He looked peaceful and his energy left me feeling even more relaxed. After about two hours, we agreed to let the fire burn out and once it had we headed back inside. I was already feeling drowsy when Paul asked if I wanted to watch a movie or something, so I shook my head murmuring that I was going to try and get some sleep and that I’d see him in the morning.

___

When I awoke the next morning it did not come with the pleasant rested feeling of yesterday’s nap, instead, it came with that stomach-twisting feeling that sent me staggering for the bathroom to kneel in front of the toilet. The sound of my puking must have been loud enough to alert Paul because in no time at all he was behind me, holding my hair back as I spilled my guts.

When it seemed like I was finally finished, he handed me a cool washcloth and my toothbrush which he’d already put toothpaste on. Taking both, I ran the washcloth over the back of my neck and then down over my chest all the while working on brushing my teeth to cleanse myself of the taste of vomit.

“You okay?” He asked, face crinkled with concern as he leaned against the doorframe, giving me some space to move around.

“I mean I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus but yeah I’m fine.” Running my fingers through my hair, I looked up at him and sighed. “Stop worrying, I’m fine. It’s just my body’s way of coping with all the stress I’ve put it through finally starting to ebb.” Paul didn’t look convinced but he didn’t say anything other than asking if I wanted breakfast. When I shook my head he nodded and left the room telling me to come get him if I needed him or changed my mind on food.

Since I’d decided to wait a while for my stomach to settle before eating, I grabbed my computer to sort through work emails and handle some paperwork. Getting lost in my work it was lunchtime before I even looked up, and after finishing what I was working on for the moment, I decided it was time for a break and to try and eat something. I already felt much better than just a few hours ago.

Digging through Paul’s kitchen was a sad affair, the man was definitely a bachelor. Thankfully he had some chicken breasts in the freezer and some fresh vegetables in the produce drawer of his fridge. Pulling out the chicken, I placed it on a plate in the microwave to defrost before pulling out the vegetables to cut after tracking down a cutting board and knife.

Once the chicken was defrosted, I slipped out to the patio to start his grill, throwing the chicken on to start cooking once I’d seasoned it with a spice mix I had found in his cabinets. While the chicken cooked, I plated up the vegetables and washed the dishes I’d used. Fifteen minutes later the chicken was done and I added it to the plates after letting it sit to redistribute the juices.

Paul had worked out earlier but I wasn’t sure where he’d disappeared to while I was working. Padding through the condo, I found him lounging in his bed with the tv playing softly and notes for either the yotes or the podcast surrounding him. Tapping on the doorframe to draw his attention I smiled when he looked up at me.

“Hey…I made lunch if you’re hungry…” Shoving papers to the side he quickly stood up and walked toward me.

“What the hell did you find to make?” He questioned, expression confused but impressed.

“Just grilled up some chicken breasts and cut up some vegetables. Nothing super complex.” It was also something that I hoped would be light enough that my stomach wouldn’t react adversely. Grabbing a plate from the counter, I moved out to the patio, planning on enjoying this weather as much as I could. After all, there was no way I could sit outside to eat back at home.

Paul followed, balancing his plate along with two glasses, gently setting one in front of me before sitting his own food and drink down.

“Just iced tea.” He assured me and I nodded murmuring my thanks. Lunch went down easy and when I was finished I leaned back in my chair just looking out at the great view.

“So what time do we need to leave for the arena?” I questioned, my brain always trying to plan out the next steps of whatever it was I was doing. I had no idea what I was going to wear or where I’d be sitting for the game and it left me slightly uneasy.

“Probably around 4. That way I can give you a quick tour and make sure I have everything ready.” Nodding at his answer, I declared that that sounded good and took his plate when he was finished, slipping back inside to wash them up and put everything from lunch away. Having gotten everything I wanted to get done work-wise accomplished earlier, I moved to grab the book I’d thrown in my bag and settled myself back outside to enjoy some more fresh air.

Knowing that it wouldn’t take that long to get ready, I set an alarm for three pm to stop reading if I hadn’t gotten tired of the book by then. Around 2:45, I heard the patio door open and then quickly shut and before I could turn around or react, a piece of soft fabric was landing in my lap. Picking it up, I chuckled seeing that it was obviously one of Paul’s t-shirts that he’d gotten from the team in his years here.

Grabbing the shirt and my things, I moved back inside, shaking my head as I could hear Paul rattling around in his closet. Stopping in his doorway, I poked my head in.

“Thanks.” I called out and when he entered my vision without a shirt on, I lost my train of thought.

“Figured I’d save you the mental turmoil over what to wear.” He teased and it was pretty sad that after less than a month he knew me that well already. Ducking my head, I slipped away from the room and back to the guest bedroom, shutting the door behind me. Paul was an attractive man and even someone recovering from heartbreak could see that.

Quickly, I slipped into the pair of jeans I’d brought and after throwing on a black long sleeve t-shirt, I pulled Paul’s shirt on over it. The material was so soft in the way that showed that it was well worn and it definitely had that lingering smell that signaled it belonged to a man. Since I was absolutely swimming in it, I quickly tucked it into my jeans so that it didn’t look quite so baggy.

Now dressed, I grabbed the little bit of makeup I’d brought as well as my curling iron and made my way to the guest bathroom to finish getting ready. My hair would definitely take the longest so while I waited for the curling iron to heat up I quickly did my make up, keeping it simple with just foundation, eyeliner, mascara, blush, and lipstick.

By the time we needed to leave I’d managed to get my hair curled into soft waves and after unplugging the curling iron and grabbing my things, I made my way to the living room to wait on Paul. When he appeared all dressed in his suit, I couldn’t help but tease him about cleaning up nice. In return he lightly commented that I looked hot in his clothes, making me flush slightly as I laughed, enjoying the easy banter between us.

I’d been to a few different NHL arenas before but I’d never gotten the full tour and so I was sure the wonder showed on my face as Paul showed me around before leading me up to the box where he did the radio broadcast. It was a pretty nice view of the ice and I listened intently as he explained everything. Seeing someone be passionate about what they were doing was always something that got my attention and it seemed like he really had found his niche with all of the media work he was doing.

Sadly the game ended in a loss but I’d had fun all the same, going down to rinkside for warmups where Clayton Keller tossed me a puck after having met me when Paul and I ran into him earlier. Paul had put me into one of the season tickets seats he’d purchased and while I liked the view from above, it was always nicer feeling like I was close to the action in the middle of the crowd.

Arriving back at his condo, I was completely worn out and after hugging Paul goodnight and thanking him again for letting me stay with him and for providing a great night out, I slipped into the guest bedroom and passed out after changing into pajamas.

Chapter 3 Social Media:

#paul bissonnette #paul bissonnette imagine #arizona coyotes #arizona coyotes imagine #former player #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #014.1

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jewpacabruhs · 5 years ago

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hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about.

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do.

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it.

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally.

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!

#txt #mine

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