#014.1

[paintedscales]

014.1 Bayarmaa

Taking place a day after the attack, Bayarmaa returns to the site of where the Sagahl Iloh was in order to help salvage anything that was left behind, as well as find survivors that may have otherwise been left for dead.

This chapter deals with death and loss.

Word Count: 1,214

Steppe by Steppe Chapter List

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The following morning after the Jhungid had attacked the Saghal Iloh and stole away some of their members, Bayarmaa had returned to the site, looking for anyone that may have still been alive as well as anything that was left after the attack. She called out, accompanied by other members of the Sagahl that had also managed to flee the clutches of the Jhungid. They rummaged through debris and lopsided ger that still remained. At least the canvasses that made up the walls of the ger could be salvaged.

“Bayarmaa… you need to come see this,” one of the Sagahl spoke. His brow was set in a mixture of sadness and anger. Looking at him curiously, Bayarmaa walked over.

“What is it, Bultger?” Bayarmaa asked, her face falling to worry.

Bultger shook his head, casting his gaze to the ground. Pursing his lips, he reached out and placed a hand on Bayarmaa’s shoulder. After a moment, he finally said, “... I’m sorry. Just… do what you must when you see him.”

Bayarmaa’s heart dropped and her eyes widened hearing that. She did not want to think of what his words meant.

Pushing Bultger’s hand from her, Bayarmaa rushed forward. She remembered the sights of this place. Her eyes darted around frantically, trying to pick up anything that might have been of note to her. Up the hill and down the crest, that was where Nomin trained with--

“Esen… ESENAIJ!” Bayarmaa shrieked, her eyes burning with tears and she tore down the hill when she saw his body. Falling to her hands and knees next to her brother’s body, she ripped the arrows from his back and ignored the smell of death that was already starting to emit from him. Turning him over, she looked at his face and pushed his hair from his eyes, her bottom lip quivering as she knelt beside him and pulled his body into her arms.

Esenaij’s body and scales were cold to the touch, and his eyes were clouded over, indicating Nhaama’s embrace. Pulling her lips back in an uncontrollable grimace as she cried, Bayarmaa reached up and ran her hands over his eyes, closing them for him -- to make him look as if he were simply sleeping rather than dead.

“No… no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!” Bayarmaa repeated, sobbing loudly as she clutched her cold brother’s body to her. She clenched her eyes shut, choked sobs causing her shoulders to shake and heave as tears streamed down her face and fell into her brother’s hair and on his face. She raised a hand, running it through Esenaij’s mussed tresses while she mourned.

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“Don’t you and Esenaij have a mama and papa, Bayarmaa?” Nomin asked, looking up from one of her drawings. Bayarmaa had only given a sad smile to the question before she shook her head.

“Esenaij and I are… our only family…” Bayarmaa slowly replied. However, she perked up as she looked at Nomin. Reaching out and ruffling her hair with a bit of a smirk, she continued, “but you’re our family now, too, little sister. What do you think about that?”

“Should I call you ma--”

“No,” Bayarmaa interrupted the question immediately with a bit of a forced smile to hide the annoyance.

“Then big sister!” Nomin happily said. “And Esenaij can be my big brother! Yay! I like having a brother and sister!”

“Eugh, what did you tell her this time?” Esenaij’s voice rang out as he pushed open the door to the ger; it seemed he caught the very tail end of Nomin’s exclamation. He had an unimpressed look on his face as he put the basket of freshly harvested lily flowers and bulbs on the ground.

“Oh, nothing of consequence. I hope you like having another little sister,” Bayarmaa replied, chuckling deviously to herself and winking at Nomin. While Nomin giggled to herself, Esenaij could only look between the girls, the horses trotting in his head as he slowly put the meaning together.

Then, his expression puckered a bit as he furrowed his brow.

“What!? No, no, no!” Esenaij replied after it finally clicked, pointing between both Bayarmaa and Nomin with each ‘no’.

“It’s too late, you’re my big brother!” Nomin replied, grinning.

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Bayarmaa held Esenaij for a while, even when her tears had stopped falling. She sat there, eyes staring at nothing, her chest feeling void and broken, and her fingers now simply clutching Esenaij’s hair. Bayarmaa’s throat was sore, her nose was stuffed, and her eyes were swollen.

But who cared about any of that…?

Not Bayarmaa.

The last part of her family had been stripped from her, all Bayarmaa could do now was just say goodbye in her own way.

No…

Perhaps that was not true. There was still a family member out there. She may not have been of their blood, but ever since Esenaij brought Nomin into their lives, Bayarmaa had always loved her like a younger sibling. She knew that Esenaij did as well, even if he did not show it well.

Nomin was nowhere to be found.

‘Did she escape?’

“Did you save her?” Bayarmaa quietly rasped, hiccuping with another tired sob. “I’m sure you did… everything you could have to save her…. You always cared for her… ever since you found her.”

A hand came into contact with Bayarmaa’s shoulder, causing her to flinch and slowly look up. It was Bultger as well as two other Sagahl. One was Jajiradai, one of Nomin’s friends, the other was Maral -- one of the Sagahl who had been with the group to look for her family as well.

“We… should prepare his body to return to the star…” Bultger gently said.

Bayarmaa could only silently nod, sniffling as she slowly got up and gently laid Esenaij back down on the ground. Her hands trembled as she reached out to remove pieces of jewellery from him and other decorative pieces that were on his deel. Tradition… so as not to give temptation for Esenaij’s soul to linger on the mortal plane and go fully to the Dusk Mother’s embrace.

After removing only a handful of items, Bayarmaa then shook her head violently and got up, staggering back while clutching the necklace and bracelets in her hand. All of this made it all the more real that her brother was gone. She held them close, tears threatening to stain her cheeks once more as her throat tightened in upon itself.

“I-I’m sorry, I cannot…” Bayarmaa said, her voice small and cracking. “Please… take care of him for me. I cannot gaze upon him so…”

“... I shall do what I can…” Bultger replied, he then looked at both Jajiradai and Maral. “Go with Bayarmaa. Tell the others to prepare burial wraps and to come help.”

Silence lingered before Bultger addressed Bayarmaa who now had her back to him and Esenaij’s body; “... did you want to choose the site of where he shall return to the star?”

“I don’t need to…” Bayarmaa replied, looking down. “We… Esenaij and I spoke about this in the past. He would return to the star where our parents did. Among the singing stones of the Ceol Aen. Just as I hope I will be when Nhaama deems it time I am to meet her embrace.”

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 12 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Author's Note: Note, we’re still set in 2019 here. It has been like 18 months since I last updated this and I’ve had a partial draft sitting for at least a year of that. But I finally was able to find some muse to sit and get over the hump of the part that has been holding me back because I was scared I wouldn’t be able to put the emotion into it that I wanted to come across. I really really really hope that even though it’s been a while that this part is something that you guys enjoy. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no   Warnings: descriptions of childbirth and cursing    Word Count: 3,887 (Series Total: 34,086)

~~~~~~~

“Having a baby is a life-changer. It gives you a whole other perspective on why you wake up every day.” - Taylor Hanson

October 15th. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It was a day that had always been hard for me, but this year there was something even more poignant about it. Mainly because I was 38 weeks pregnant today, just 3 weeks shy of my due date. As I lit candles in honor of family members, classmates, and acquaintances that had lost children I rested my hand on my stomach feeling the slight movements of my little girl inside me. 

“Just a few more weeks, dustbunny. You just have to hang in there for a few more weeks and then you’ll be here safe and sound in my arms.” I whispered trying not to cry, though lately, it seemed like a pointless exercise to attempt to keep it all together. After a few minutes, I blew out all the candles and made my way into the bathroom to grab a quick shower and then lay down, having been on my feet too much today already. 

As I showered I felt aches in my lower back but at nine months pregnant aches were kind of my new normal. By the time I made it to bed I was exhausted and blocked everything out as best I could trying to get just a few hours of sleep. Restlessly, I tossed and turned like most nights and it wasn’t until early in the morning when I got up to pace to try and relieve the aches that I realized something was very wrong as a trickle of moisture ran down my leg as I leaned against my kitchen island. There was no way this was happening and I winced as the ache returned and all at once I realized I was in labor. 

Trying to quell the panic rising in my chest because it wasn’t time yet, she wasn’t supposed to come for at least another two weeks, I waddled back to my bedroom to get my phone. Now realizing the aches were contractions I tried my best to think about how far apart they had been. It had to be close to 25 or 30 minutes still so I knew that I still had time before going to the hospital and that it could be hours or even close to a day before my labor progressed that far. 

By the time I finally had my phone I was starting to lose the battle with my own panic as I dialed the familiar number praying that he would pick up even though it was ungodly early in Arizona. 

“You’re up early.” The familiar voice greeted me, sleep still lingering in his voice until he heard my panicked whisper of his name. “What’s going on?” He questioned quickly, the rustle of bedsheets moving around him. 

“My water just broke.” I whispered, absolutely terrified. “I’m in labor Paul.” 

A litany of curses fell from his mouth and I could hear myself being put onto speaker. 

“How far apart are your contractions?” He asked, his voice sounding somewhat far away. 

“Close to half an hour.” I replied just trying to breathe slowly and steadily not because of any pain, but rather to manage the fear. 

“Have you started for the hospital?” I replied to his question in the negative telling him that it was a little too soon for that and I would rather wait in my own space until things progressed a little more than go to the hospital and have to wait there. He didn’t seem thrilled with this response but he was clearly too preoccupied to fight me on it too heavily. 

“Promise me you’ll get yourself to the hospital.” He insisted. “Take some deep breaths. I’m going to be there as soon as I can. I’m on my way.” He promised. “Tell dustbunny to hang in there until I arrive okay. You are so strong and you’ve got this. Just breathe and try to relax. I’m on my way.” Nodding my head even though he couldn’t see it, I tried to control the tears. This couldn’t be happening. He was supposed to be here. Not on the other side of the country. The fear that he wouldn’t make it, that I would have to deliver this baby all by myself crept into my mind and after hanging up the phone I sobbed softly just praying that somehow that wouldn’t be the case. 

Just as I thought I was going to be able to pull it together, another contraction hit and the pain brought fresh tears to my eyes as I sobbed trying to take any breath at all let alone a deep one. 

Repeating to myself that Paul had told me to breathe, I focused on controlling that before getting up to change my wet bottoms and double-check that I had everything I needed in my hospital bag. Going through all the items and the checklist I had made, I grabbed a few more things before setting the bag at the door. When another contraction hit, I whimpered through it before checking to see how long it had been since the previous one. 

Still about 25 minutes. 

Once they got to fifteen I knew that I would need to leave for the hospital. If Paul were here it would be possible to wait even longer but with having to drive myself there, I knew it would be better safe than sorry even if it was only like a five-minute drive away, ten if there was any traffic.

Knowing that the longer labor lasted, the more likely Paul would actually make it in time, I tried to stay calm and murmured to my bump for her to stay put a little longer. Putting a true crime show on tv, I settled onto the couch, phone beside me with a timer running. 

As the episode came to an end, a contraction hit once more and I breathed through it, wincing, before resetting the timer. 

The end of a second, third, and then a fourth episode were accompanied by additional contractions all still relatively steady at 25 minutes apart. 

Unable to focus on the details related to true crime anymore, I pulled up the latest podcast episode and started to listen hoping that maybe with Paul’s voice in my ear I could doze for a little while, feeling more and more exhausted by the minute. After another contraction, I must have dozed off a little because suddenly the guys were knee-deep into their interview with Ben Bishop as a contraction rolled through me making me wince even more because shit that one hurt. 

Twenty minutes. 

That was definitely closer and with it being more intense, I swallowed a wave of panic. I had no idea if or when Paul was going to be able to find a flight and the flight time alone was 4 hours if there was no layover anywhere. He might not even be in the air yet and yet dustbunny seemed like she really didn’t want to wait. 

Swallowing hard I rubbed my bump softly pleading with my daughter once more. 

“Please sweetheart, wait a little longer. I can’t do this alone.” 

By the time the podcast ended 45 minutes later, I’d had 3 more contractions, one 18 minutes after the last and the other two 16. 

Trying to call Paul, I was sent straight to voicemail and I could only hope that meant that he was in the air though I had no idea how far into a flight he may be. It had been 4 hours since I had realized I was in labor so there was a chance he was only a couple of hours away, though that chance seemed slim. 

With another contraction coming 16 minutes after the last, I knew that I needed to call my doctor and start making my way to the hospital. Using the bathroom one more time, I double-checked once again that I had everything I needed before alerting my doctor that my baby had decided she didn’t want to wait until her due date and that I was headed to the hospital. 

As I hung up the phone, another contraction hit that almost doubled me over and I cursed, already over the entire process of labor knowing full well that I hadn’t even reached the hardest part yet. It was terrifying and I sobbed for a moment before getting myself some water and moving to load the bag into the car. 

Waiting for the next contraction to pass, I started the car and made my way to the hospital, pulling into the closest spot I could find. Gathering my bag I held myself up against the side of the car as yet another painful contraction tore through me.

When it subsided I waddled my way to the front doors, never more relieved than to find a nurse waiting for me with a wheelchair to take me up to labor and delivery to be admitted. 

Completing paperwork while experiencing regular intense contractions was difficult, to say the least, and by the time I was settled into a room, hooked up to all the monitors and an iv just waiting for a doctor to come to check me almost an hour had passed. Trying Paul’s phone again, I was sent straight to voicemail once more and that once again brought tears to my eyes filling my chest with panic that he wouldn’t make it. 

The next contraction made me scream and at that moment a nurse and my doctor rolled through the doors, immediately looking a little alarmed. 

“Let’s see how we’re doing.” My doctor’s voice said in a tone that would have been soothing if I was not already panicked. A gloved hand slid under the blankets and after a moment she pulled back sending the nurse a look. 

“Are you feeling any pressure or need to push yet?” She asked me and my brain immediately went into a fog. If she was asking me that, that meant that things were really really close, closer than I expected them to be. 

“She can’t come yet.” I insisted frantically. “She can’t. I can’t do this until Paul is here.” 

Ever patient, my doctor rested an ungloved hand on my knee. 

“Leigh. I don’t think your little girl is going to wait any longer. We’re going to get ready for you to push because you’re fully dilated.” 

“I can’t…” I insisted, shaking my head. “She needs to wait.” 

My face scrunched with pain as another contraction rolled through me and my doctor must have given the nurse a few instructions because after a minute she was standing there with a mask. 

“It’s laughing gas…it will help take the edge off the pain. Just hold the mask and take a few deep breaths.” She instructed. 

“I’m not ready.” I repeated, needing someone to listen to me that regardless of what my body was saying, she couldn’t come yet. 

The same nurse remained beside me, urging me to take the mask and breathe as a few more bodies flooded into the room, quickly gowning up and putting gloves on. 

Another contraction came with pressure and I resisted, choking out a sob and some verbal signal of pain. 

“Leigh. Next contraction I’m going to need you to start pushing.” My doctor directed. “We need to get your daughter here so she’s safe.” 

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and dug my nails into the mattress, continuing to sob. 

“I can’t do this!” 

“Leigh. Push!” My doctor demanded as another contraction tore through my body. “Push!” My body must have reacted on impulse because a “good, that’s good.” left her lips shortly after. 

“I can’t. I can’t.” I repeated as soon as the wave of pain was over. 

“Yes, you can.” In the chaos, it took my mind to register that that was a new voice, a familiar voice…

Opening my eyes, I looked to my left and gasped seeing Paul standing there. 

“You can do this Leigh.” He insisted, reaching to pull my hand from the mattress to lace with his. “You are strong enough and I’m right here. Listen to the doctor and push.” 

Crying now for an entirely different reason, I nodded weakly and when the next contraction came I pushed with everything I had. 

“You made it.” I whispered between the next contractions before taking the mask from the nurse and taking a few deep breaths. 

“I told you I’d be here.” Paul insisted. “Now let’s have a baby okay.” 

Continuing to push on each contraction was the most exhausting experience of my entire life. It felt like it had been forever and I wasn’t sure I had the energy to keep going. 

“Leigh. Look at me.” Paul said. “You’re doing so good. Just keep going. You are strong enough.” That wasn’t true and I shook my head a bit as Paul squeezed my hand. “You are.” 

Pushing again, my doctor stated that she could see the head and to give her another big push on the next contraction. 

“That’s it. Pause Leigh.” She instructed. “We’ve got a head.” 

Taking a few more breaths of gas, I swallowed hard when she asked for another big big push to get the shoulders out. My entire pelvis felt like it was on fire and I screamed again as I tried to push with everything I had left. 

And then suddenly, my scream wasn’t the only one in the room. In that moment, the entire world froze as the most magical sound I’d ever heard filled my ears. 

“Here you are mom.” A nurse murmured softly while laying the most beautiful screaming thing carefully onto my chest. 

“Oh my god.” I couldn’t help but whisper taking in the features of the tiny person I’d made. 

______

Paul’s POV

There was absolutely nothing pretty about childbirth. It was loud and it was messy and bloody. But watching Leigh calm the baby girl she had been carrying for so long, I could finally see why people said it was one of the most beautiful things. 

Getting here had been difficult and included renting a private charter which Leigh would never find out about, but now that I was here I couldn’t imagine having missed this for the world. 

“Do you want to cut the cord dad?” A nurse asked me, offering up a pair of scissors. Opening my mouth to correct her, I looked at Leigh, and then all I could do was nod. Taking the scissors, I cut where the nurse instructed me to and then handed the scissors back as another nurse came to gather the baby from Leigh’s chest. 

“Go with her.” Leigh whispered, her voice showing just how exhausted she was. “I’m okay, just stay with her.” She pleaded softly. 

Hesitating for only a moment, I followed the nurse carrying the baby girl as they moved to clean her better and take all of her measurements, and run a few tests as she was a few weeks early. 

By the time we returned to Leigh’s recovery room, she was changed and resting in bed, her eyes fluttering open at the sound of the door. 

Leaving the bassinet containing the baby beside the bed, the nurse stated that she would let me give the updates and to just call if we needed anything. With her baby back in the room, Leigh relatively quickly - she had just given birth - sat up and gathered up the clean and dressed baby girl from the bassinet. 

“Everything okay?” She asked me, brushing a finger lightly over her newborn daughter’s cheek. 

“Yeah. She passed all her tests, no surprise considering her mom.” I assured her, a smile on the corner of my lips. “Just over six pounds, I can’t remember how long but it’s on the label.” I pointed to it on the side of the bassinet where it just read “Baby Girl Thompson.” 

“Good.” She breathed, just taking in the baby girl for a few minutes before patting the spot on the bed beside her for me to sit. “You made it.” She whispered looking up at me in a way that made me want nothing more than to kiss her even though I couldn’t. 

“Told you I’d be here.” I shrugged, giving in to the urge to at least lean in and kiss the top of her head. “You made a really cute kid.” I added, swiping a finger lightly over the arm of the baby girl. 

Leigh just smiled and continued to hold her baby for a few minutes before asking me to call a nurse to get a bottle ready. She had decided against breastfeeding a while ago and while I knew that wasn’t the most popular choice all that mattered was that the baby was fed. 

Watching her feed the baby for a few minutes, I excused myself to the bathroom to piss and splash some water on my face. I hadn’t been able to sleep on the flight, worried the entire time about Leigh, and having woken up at 4am Arizona time, I was exhausted and starving. 

Stepping back into the room, I couldn’t help but smile despite it all, Leigh just had that effect. 

“When’s the last time you ate?” I questioned and the look of not knowing that crossed Leigh’s face told me everything. “Okay…better question what do you want to eat?” 

“A steak would be good.” She murmured and immediately I fished my phone from my pocket to pull up a list of local restaurants. 

“Steak it is,” I assured her, finding the place locally with the best reviews and showing her the menu so that we could place an order for pickup. “I’ll go grab this and bring it back, okay? You’ve got the nurses if you need anything in the meantime.” 

Receiving her nod, I kissed her head again murmuring that I was proud of her before slipping from the room to go get an early dinner. 

****

By the time I returned to the room, the curtains were drawn and the lights were dimmed signaling that Leigh had settled in for a short nap while her baby also slept. Moving quietly, I unpacked the take-out containers before kissing her head softly and murmuring to her that food was here. I knew she needed the sleep but she also needed the food to give her strength after her ordeal. 

Watching her stir, I smiled softly. 

“You should eat while it’s still warm,” I commented while digging into my own food. “Thank you.” She said and the way she looked at me suggested that the words were meant to extend beyond just thanks for the food. 

“It’s no problem.” 

After eating in silence, I moved to retrieve a small box from the bag I had brought up with me this time since I wasn’t in a rush. Sitting it on the table in front of her I moved to slide into the chair on the other side of the bed. 

“What’s this?” She asked me and smirking softly I just gestured for her to open it. Inside was a simple opal necklace on a silver chain, representative of the baby girl she had just delivered. 

“Paul.” She breathed softly. 

“Dustbunny is lucky she was due close enough to the end of October that I had a contingency plan in place already.” 

“Paul. You shouldn’t have.” Leigh insisted. “It’s too much. You just being here is already too much.” 

“It’s not too much,” I informed her. “You just gave birth to a six-pound human, you deserve something that’s a little sparkly.” 

Not letting her argue, I took the box from her and gently removed the necklace before urging her to move her hair aside while I clasped the chain around her neck. 

“There. Perfect.” 

Sighing, Leigh gave in and ran her fingers over the necklace. Her face was thoughtful for a moment before she opened her mouth. 

“Do you want to hold her? Have you held her yet?” She asked. 

“I haven’t,” I replied, stomach swirling with nerves at the thought of hurting her. “But I don’t want to hurt her. 

Leigh looked at me like that was the stupidest thing I’d ever said which we both knew was far from true. 

“You’re not going to hurt her. Come here.” She directed, picking up the baby girl from the bassinet before patting the spot beside her. 

Sitting where she directed, I peered down at the tiny infant in Leigh’s arms. 

“Just slide a hand under her head and support her butt.” Leigh directed, carefully transferring the baby, my dustbunny, into my arms. She was so small and after a moment, tiny eyes fluttered open to look up at me. 

“She says hi,” Leigh murmured. 

Staring at those tiny eyes and that sweet button nose, it felt like nothing else mattered and I knew that I would do everything in my power to protect her always. 

“Do you want to know her name?” Leigh asked me. 

“Sure,” I replied, not daring to take my eyes off the baby for even a second. 

“Allison Kinsley Thompson. Little Allie.” She declared and hearing the name the baby girl turned her head to look at her mom like yes that’s me. 

“Beautiful just like her.” I agreed. 

“It seemed fitting.” Leigh nodded. “Especially since the feminine forms of Paul just aren’t my cup of tea and Alberta is a province in Canada. We decided we’d just steak the first syllable instead and that was good enough.” 

When her words finally sank in, my throat got thick and moisture pooled in my eyes. 

“Wait. Are you…is she?” 

“Named after you? Yeah, Paul.” Leigh stated, sliding a hand along my knee. “I wouldn’t have made it through the pregnancy or delivery without you. It’s only right she’s named after you.” 

“Leigh…” I wasn’t regularly a crier but at the moment it was inevitable. Laying her head on my shoulder, Leigh just watched Allie as she stretched and wiggled a bit before yawning and closing her little eyes again. 

“Nap with us for a bit.” Leigh insisted, showing me how to shift the baby to rest against my shoulder and making room for me beside her so we could all lay down. 

****

When we awoke, Leigh changed and fed Allie again before finally making the phone calls to her family announcing the baby’s arrival. She then insisted I call the guys, first to finally explain why I missed recording today’s podcast but also to introduce them to the newest member of the crew. 

It was only after all of that was done and Leigh was settled into bed, Allie in the bassinet beside her once more so they both could rest that I looked through the pictures we’d taken over the course of the afternoon. There was no way to even describe everything I was feeling now but as I selected a few pictures I did my best to put it all into words. 

There was no doubt in my mind that tomorrow I would be waking up a different man than I was this morning. 

And that was all because of Leigh and Allie. 

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Leigh’s necklace: 

[bitchassbucky]

Ｗｏｒｋｓ + Ｏｔｈｅｒ Ｓｔｕｆｆ

📍📎 All my works are not to be reposted, published, and copied anywhere else but here and on my backup blog @bitchassbackup and my dark!blog @bitchassbucky-afterdark (also please don’t steal these graphics I made, ty!)

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💜 - Ｐｅｒｓｏｎａｌ ｆａｖｏｒｉｔｅ

📍- Ｒｅｃｅｎｔ ｗｏｒｋｓ

📂 - Cｏｍｍｉｓｉｏｎｅｄ ｐｏｓｔ

[ ＸＸＸ ] - Ｎｕｍｂｅｒｉｎｇ ｓｙｓｔｅｍ

[ ??? ] - Ｌａｔｅ ａｄｄｉｔｉｏｎ

📎Ｌａｔｅｓｔ ｗｏｒｋ:

📍📂 [ 084 ] ~For You | fluff and angst, Avenger!Bucky gets picked up by the newest addition to the crew.

📎Ｃｏｍｍｉｓｓｉｏｎｓ ｈｅｒｅ

📎 All 500 words and more!

[ 001 ] Take It Off | smut, wherein Professor!Bucky teaches his student a lesson.

[ 002 ] You're No Fun | fluff, wherein Bucky texts the girl of his dreams.

[ 003 ] Words | fluff, wherein Bucky realizes that she trusts him with all her heart.

[ 004 ] Too Late | angst, wherein Bucky doesn’t know what he lost that night.

💜[ 005 ] Reciprocation | smut and angst, wherein Bucky wants her to stay.

💜[ 005.1 ] Parasitism | angst, wherein Bucky meets her again and yearns.

[ 006 ] Naps | fluff, wherein Bucky meets a (sleeping) stranger.

[ 007 ] Here | smut, wherein Bucky comes home to his girl.

[ 008 ] History | angst, wherein Bucky lives a long, fruitful life.

💜[ 009 ] Bother | smut, wherein Mean!Fuckboy!Bucky gets the girl (again).

💜[ 010 ] Back To You | fluff, wherein Sam joins in on your karaoke night and realizes something.

💜[ 010.1 ] Dimples | fluff, wherein Sam comforts you.

💜 [ 010.2 ] Inked | fluff, wherein Sam sees your back tattoo.

💜[ 011 ] Me/You | smut, wherein Mean!Bucky lets out his frustrations.

💜 [ 012 ] Casual Conversations | fluff and smut, wherein Bucky does his best work, and yet you're still distracted.

[ 078 ] Moment's Silence | smut, wherein Bucky receives a blowjob from you. (Playlist included!)

[ ??? ] Lowkey | smut, wherein Fuckbuddy!Bucky visits you while you're working at home.

[ 081 ] L*ve | angst and smut, wherein FWB!Bucky trips over his words.

[ 083 ] Sana | angst, wherein Bucky feels like you're falling out of love with him.

📍📂 [ 084 ] ~For You | fluff and angst, Avenger!Bucky gets picked up by the newest addition to the crew.

📎 Ｃｏｌｌａｂｓ

[ 013 ] Twined: A Soulmate AU (with @honeyvbarnes) | fluff, wherein Bucky meets his soulmate at the beach.

📎 All 500 words and less!

[ 014 ] Losing You | angst, wherein Bucky loses his girl for good. 

[ 014.1 ] The Redux

[ 015 ] Help Me! | fluff, wherein Bucky helps his girl get a puppy.

[ 016 ] Baby | smut, wherein Bucky wants to keep himself warm.

[ 017 ] I Do, I Don’t | angst and fluff, wherein Bucky says the ‘L’ word.

[ 018 ] Be My Mistake | angst, wherein Bucky decides whether he stays or not.

[ 019 ] Jealous | angst and fluff, wherein Bucky confesses something.

[ 020 ] Good As Hell | fluff, wherein Bucky gives you a ride.

💜 [ 021 ] Of Late Dinners and Idiots | angst and fluff, wherein Bucky does something risky.

[ 022 ] Only You | angst, fluff, alludes to smut, wherein Bucky asks you a question.

[ 023 ] Coming Home | fluff, wherein you are the constant in Sharon's new life.

[ 024 ] Shotgun | smut-adjacent, wherein Bucky has a ritual after sex.

[ 082 ] Labels | fluff, wherein Bucky meets a fleeting stranger.

📎 All 200 words or less!

[ 025 ] Baking with Bucky | fluff, wherein Bucky bakes with Filipina!Reader.

[ 026 ] Born Sick | dark, wherein Bucky wants to take care of you.

[ 027 ] Heathen | dark, wherein Priest!Bucky wants to punish you.

💜 [ 028 ] Sharing is Caring | fluff, wherein Bucky shares his fries with you.

[ 029 ] Hopelessly Devoted To You | fluff-adjacent, wherein Natasha promises you a better future.

[ 030] Dreams Do Come True | dark, wherein Bucky receives a special gift from Steve.

[ 031 ] It Felt Like It | fluff, wherein Bucky thinks you hate him.

[ 032 ] You | angst, wherein Bucky lets you choose someone else.

[ 033 ] Easy | fluff, wherein Bucky lets you know he loves you in ways he can.

💜 [ 034 ] Pet | smut, wherein Bucky calls you ‘daddy.’

💜 [ 034.1 ] Two

💜 [ 034.2 ] Three

[ 035 ] The Mark | unknown, wherein Bucky meets a stranger from his past.

[ 036 ] POV | fluff, wherein Bucky loves gazing into your eyes.

[ 037 ] In Your Face | unknown, wherein Mean!Fuckboy!Bucky gets rejected.

[ 038 ] Looks | smut-adjacent, wherein Bucky reacts to your outfit.

[ 039 ] Drunk!Bucky: Headcanon

[ 040 ] First "I love you" with Bucky: Headcanon

[ 041 ] Sex Playlist with Bucky: Headcanon

[ 042 ] Rainy Mornings with Bucky: Headcanon

[ 043 ] Prince!Bucky: Headcanon 

[ 044 ] Ice Cream Date with Bucky: Headcanon

[ 045 ] Bucky Walking In On You Dancing: Headcanon

💜 [ 046 ] Silly Sex with Beefy!Bucky: Headcanon

💜 [ 046.1 ] Bonus Content

💜 [ 046.2] Another Bonus Content

💜 [ 046.3 ] Bonus Content Cubed

[ 047 ] Bucky as a Boyfriend: Headcanon

[ 079 ] Bucky as an Ex-boyfriend: Headcanon

[ 048 ] The one where the reader says, “Nobody fucks with my friends. Except me. But that’s different.” (High school AU Steve and Bucky, everyone involved is 18.)

[ 049 ] The one where the reader says, “Do you wanna talk about it or should we just snuggle?” to Bucky Barnes.

[ 050 ] The one where the reader says, “tangina mo!” to Bucky Barnes.

💜[ 051 ] The one where the reader spells ‘coconuts’ with Bucky Barnes. (smut!)

[ 052 ] The one where the reader and Bucky Barnes fall asleep on each other during movie night.

[ 053 ] The one where you’re married to Bucky Barnes and he caught a new agent flirting with you.

[ 054 ] The one where Bucky Barnes caught you lying to him. (angst!)

💜 [ 055 ] The one where you thought Bucky Barnes was a player when he was growing up.

[ 056 ] The one where Bucky Barnes masturbates using his metal fist. (smut!) 

[ 057 ] The one where Bucky Barnes takes your relationship to the next level.

[ 058 ] The one where you confess your feelings for Natasha Romanoff. (angst!)

[ 059 ] The one where 40s!Bucky Barnes leaves you—for good. (angst!)

💜 [ 060 ] The one where Bucky Barnes sleeps on the floor. (angst!)

[ 061 ] The one where Bucky Barnes shaves off his beard.

[ 062 ] The one where Bucky Barnes got interrupted during a blowjob. (smut!)

[ 063 ] The one where Bucky Barnes fucks you in his backseat. (smut!)

[ 076 ] The one where Mean!Fuckboy!Bucky Barnes sees you with an ex. (smut!)

[ 077 ] The one where Bucky Barnes says, "what did you do?"

[ 080 ] The one where you find out what Bucky Barnes’ lips taste like.

[ 064 ] Aberration (Bucky x Reader, on-hold) 

📖 Polar opposites Y/N and Bucky are forced to hang out with each other. Whether by faith or by their mutual friends, they have to work through their differences to find their similarities.

[ 065 ] Spurious (Bucky x Reader, Steve x Reader, on-hold)

📖 Steve Rogers taught you how to love deeply and irrevocably, something that you have never done before. He also taught you how to live with regrets and what-ifs.

Bucky Barnes taught you patience and resiliency, something you have done before. He also taught you forgiveness and how to be open to second chances.

One anchored you to the past while one waits patiently for the future. How long would it take you to realize that there are people who will love you for who you truly are?

💜 [ 066 ] Undercover Lover (Fuckboy!Bucky x F!Reader)

📖 A collection of non-linear stories involving Fuckboy!Bucky written by yours truly.

💜 [ 067 ] CTRL (Dark!Bucky x Dark!F!Reader)

📖 Controlling your impulses is hard, cleaning up your mess is even harder.

📎 Ｓｏｃｉａｌ Ｍｅｄｉａ ＡＵｓ

[ 068 ] Oops, Sorry (Social Media AU Bucky x Reader, on-hold)

[ 069 ] Decisions (Social Media AU Bucky x Reader, on-hold)

[ 070 ] Disconnected (Social Media AU Bucky x Reader, slow updates)

[ 071 ] Forget Me (Too) (UNOFFICIAL Social Media AU Bucky x Reader, spontaneous updates)

[ 072 ] A Bitchass Holiday, 2019 - Masterlist here!

[ 073 ] Bitchassbucky’s Slutmas, 2020 - Masterlist here!

[ 074 ] Bitchassbucky’s Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? - Masterlist here!

[ 075 ] Bitchassbucky's Highway 63 (Almost-there 2K Writing Challenge) - Masterlist here!

[allegrao-swiftie]

Song of the Day 7/9/21

I didn’t work today, but I came up to my best friend’s house to hang out and spend the night. On my way up, I heard willow play on Mix 014.1, and Blank Space on 92.3 Pro FM on our way to the mall 😄 @taylorswift @taylornation

As always, if I ever make a typo, please let me know so I can fix it 😄

[clogging]

○ Р. !!!!! Х. 014.1 by zarechny5790

[catsinflowers]

☝︎014.1 For my niece. 姪っ子に。 #greetings #cat #neko

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 11 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Author's Note: Sappiness, sappiness, and more sappiness. I’m not sure what else you expected from a 31-week pregnant woman and a man who is secretly head over heels. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no       Warnings: cursing   

Word Count: 2,900 (Series Total: 30,199)

~~~~

In my mind, there was absolutely zero reason why I needed to be dragged to the Jersey shore when it was 80 degrees outside and I was 31 weeks pregnant. The guys had all disagreed though and refused to let me skip out on the Pink Whitney Launch Party. Still, I was the last to arrive having chosen to drive while everyone else flew in earlier in the day. Dropping my weekend bag in the bedroom where Paul’s bag was, I plopped down onto the bed, already ready to sleep even though it wasn’t even dinner time yet. I was now at the stage of pregnancy where I was hardly sleeping because I couldn’t get comfortable and because my daughter was shifting onto my bladder every time I did manage to get comfortable. I was exhausted and cranky and everyone else would just have to deal with it because they weren’t the ones who had grown to the size of a whale. 

Just as I had laid down though, my phone buzzed, Paul’s message reading that I should come up to the rooftop deck when I arrived because that was where all of them were. As much as I didn’t want to, I knew that I would never hear the end of it if I didn’t so after struggling to hoist myself off of the bed, I waddled up the stairs hoping to say hi and then return back inside where at least there was air conditioning. Upon reaching the roof, my eyes went wide from shock. Pink balloons were tied around the railings and a stack of presents was on the picnic table. 

“What in the world?” I found myself mumbling as a cheer took over the group at the sight of me. 

“It’s a baby shower.” Grinnell voiced. “Well sorta.” Immediately my eyes filled with tears at the fact that they had even thought to put anything together for me. 

“Don’t cry.” Paul murmured, appearing beside me, his hand falling to my lower back as he leaned down to kiss the top of my head. “It’s just a little something. No big deal.” He insisted. He guided me to sit in one of the more comfortable chairs, quickly handing me a bottle of water. As the stack of presents was moved to the ground beside me, I could feel Paul’s eyes on my body. The weight of his gaze made me uncomfortable because the last thing I needed was more people taking note of how large I was. 

My focus was shifted when a present was set on top of my bump by Whit and everyone settled back into chairs to watch me open them. By the end of my work baby shower, it was clear that my little girl was going to be decked out in spittin chiclets merchandise. The guys had gifted me everything from onesies to hats to matching pink denim jackets for the pink whitney girls. Additionally, there was a stack of children’s books and a plush hockey stick along with a few other toys. It was all so incredibly sweet and I felt so loved, even if I was still annoyed at them as sweat gathered along every crease of my skin. Just when I thought we were done, Paul handed me one more present and I opened it to find the softest stuffed rabbit. 

“A bunny for dust bunny.” I breathed, tearing up once more. “Thank you,” I added, directing the comment at all of the guys though my eyes stayed locked on Paul’s. Leaning down, he moved to pull me into a hug and as he stood back up his hand rested against the side of my bump for just a moment. Almost immediately though, a sharp kick resounded from inside me, directed right at Paul’s hand and his eyes went wide. His hand didn’t move right away and a second and then third kick quickly followed the first. 

“That’s…” Paul said, his voice suddenly tight.  

“Okay, little one that’s enough,” I replied, my hand falling to my stomach right beside Paul’s. “I know you just wanted to say hi but that’s mama you’re beating up in there.” Though Paul pulled his hand back, a look of shock remained on his face. 

“Is that the first time you’ve felt a baby kick?” I asked him, reaching my hand out for him to pull me to my feet because I had been sitting too long and needed to stretch. He nodded, still at a loss for words, and I smiled drawing his hand back to my stomach to see if it would make dust bunny kick again. It was clear she sensed the new touch because she once again responded immediately, her tiny feet shifting inside of me. 

“Fuck.” Paul cursed, his eyes wet by the time he finally pulled his hand away. Seeing his reaction to her movements was a moment I doubted I’d forget any time soon but those emotions were quickly quashed by the feeling of the sun beating down on me. 

“Alright...it’s time for me to go back inside. It’s too darn hot out here.” I explained. “And I don’t want to hear a word about it. When you guys are heavily pregnant during the summer, then you can throw around chirps. 

______

Propped up in bed later that night, I watched as Paul lay with his head on my thigh, talking to and pressing the occasional kiss to my bump. It was so obvious that he was going to be completely wrapped around her finger once she was born if he wasn’t already and for the first time in weeks I felt an unknown tension slip out of my body. 

“You’re incredible you know…” Paul whispered, lifting his head just a bit to look up at me. When my eyebrow quirked in response, Paul leaned up a little more. “I mean you’re growing another person inside of you right now. You’re providing her protection and food and oxygen and soon she’ll become her own little entity. It’s incredible.” 

“Women do this all of the time,” I replied, sure it was cool and pretty incredible but it was how nature worked so it wasn’t like I was doing anything that was any more special than any other mother. 

“That may be true but it’s still incredible.” Paul insisted. “Only a bit longer until she’s here.” He mused, his fingers tracing over the area where my little girl had just kicked, having watched the way my belly flexed because of her tiny feet. 

“Don’t remind me.” I sighed, biting gently at my lower lip. 

“What’s wrong Leigh? I thought you’d be so ready for her to be here?” He asked, his hand sliding to lace his fingers with mine. 

“I am ready for her to be here.” I insisted. “I’m just not ready for the whole labor thing.” 

Paul’s face went pensive, his fingers just tracing patterns against my own. 

“I mean you’re going to have your mom there right?” He questioned causing me to let out an even bigger sigh. 

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “My mother is the queen of all worriers and I don’t know if having her there would help or just cause me more stress.” This wasn’t the first time I’d thought about this and time and time again I’d come to the same conclusion. “I guess I’m just going to be on my own.” Paul was silent for a minute, multiple emotions shifting across his face. 

“Is there someone you’d want to have there?” He eventually inquired, his voice barely audible. Hints of a frown appeared on my face as what seemed impossible crossed my mind once more. It wasn’t something I’d ever ask, not after everything. “Leigh…” Paul trailed off. “Do you want me there when she’s born?” Weakly I nodded and Paul immediately sat up, pulling me against his chest as best he could. 

“You make me feel calm,” I mumbled into his shoulder. “You make me feel like I can do anything.” My voice dropped significantly as I started crying into his shoulder, all of the overwhelming thoughts bubbling over the edge. “I can’t imagine doing it without you.” With his lips pressed against my temple and his hand rubbing up and down my back, eventually, I regained control of my emotions. 

“I’ll make some calls in the morning okay.” He promised. “I’ll do everything in my power to be there.” With what felt like an elephant-sized weight lifted off of my shoulders I let Paul shift the two of us into our usual sleeping position, one of his knees pressed between mine as his hand rested against my stomach and his body spooned behind me providing a welcome support to my aching back. 

______

When I woke, the sun was peeking through the bedroom curtains. Reaching for my phone I discovered that it was nearly 8am. Needing to pee, I slipped out from under Paul’s arm and moved to the bathroom. This was the first time in over a month I had slept through the night and it didn’t take a genius to figure out just why that was. 

Slowly making my way downstairs, I found Whit sitting at the counter with a mug full of coffee in front of him. 

“Want some breakfast?” I whispered planning on making up a few eggs for myself because I hadn’t had my multiple middle of the night snacks and I was starving. With the launch party scheduled from 12-4pm, I knew everyone would need to get moving sooner rather than later. A large breakfast for everyone was soon made up, and after eating, I made my way back upstairs to shower and get ready while the guys cleaned up the kitchen. 

I’d slipped into my swimsuit before throwing on a maxi dress. Not long after my hair was straightened and I’d put on just some light makeup, certain that anything more would just melt off my face from the sun.  However, there was still one task I needed to take care of and it happened to be the most difficult. 

Twenty minutes later, I was precariously perched on the edge of the tub which contained an inch or so of water when Paul knocked on the door. 

“The guys are ready to go.” He called out through the wood. 

“I need a few more minutes.” I declared, my voice exasperated as I attempted to lean forward to drag the razor along the skin of my legs. After a moment the door gave way and Paul stepped into the small bathroom. 

“What are you…?” He trailed off before quickly shaking his head. 

“Don’t look at me like that okay,” I grumbled. “This is not easy with little miss in the way,” I complained. Another slow pass of the razor up my leg almost sent me tumbling into the tub. 

“Give it here,” Paul demanded. 

“I am quite capable.” I insisted, my stubbornness showing. 

“Leigh just give me the damn razor before you hurt yourself,” Paul repeated, his large frame moving to sit on the lid of the toilet seat. 

“You don’t even know what you’re doing.” I continued, struggling once more to reach my ankles. “I’d rather not have cuts everywhere.” 

Paul ultimately won this battle, and soon I was sitting on the toilet seat while Paul balanced on the edge of the tub, his hands gently holding each of my legs in turn as he slowly and carefully pulled the razor blades along my skin. It was such an intimate action that I struggled not to shiver under his touch. When he was done, he dried my legs off before pulling me to my feet, and after a moment, my sandals were dropped in front of me so all I had to do was slide into them. 

“Now are you ready?” He murmured softly, his gaze soft but teasing. 

“I mean I guess so.” I sighed although today was even hotter than yesterday had been and I was not looking forward to melting under the sun. The guys complained about how long I had taken as I walked into the living room and after flipping them off I grabbed the beach bag I had packed before waddling my way out to the van New Amsterdam had sent. 

____

The Jersey shore was pumping and alcohol was flowing by the time we finally arrived at the beach. Representatives from New Amsterdam met us in a staff tent and it was explained that the guys and drink would be introduced and then they would just have to mingle, chat and take pictures with fans who were trying the drink for the first time. While they did the official things, I sat in a shaded tent trying to keep my water intake up. Soon though, the guys returned and urged me to come out and socialize with people because apparently, people wanted to talk to me too. I wasn’t sure how much of that I was buying but complaining hadn’t seemed to be doing me much good so I went along with things, walking around the beach to talk to people. 

Soon, the guys were pulled into a beach volleyball game. With Paul having tossed his shirt off into the sand at some point, I was met with an eyeful that sent my body temperature spiking even higher. Needing to cool down, I dumped my things somewhere safe and made my way down into the ocean, letting the cool water lap at my skin as it helped make the heat a little less unbearable. 

The heat was back full force though as soon as I climbed out of the ocean and slipped back into my dress and shoes. Running back into Paul I was pulled into the conversation he was having with a group around him and soon I found myself leaning against his chest, his arms wrapped lightly around my waist. As the conversation continued, I closed my eyes and just tried to relax, feeling fatigued and overwhelmingly hot. 

“Leigh?” Paul’s voice filtered through to my ears and I hummed in response. “I called your name multiple times and you didn’t respond...are you okay?” He questioned. 

“Tired. Headache. Hot.” I mumbled and immediately Paul excused us from the group of fans surrounding us. I was led into a tent and Paul disappeared but when he returned I found myself being helped back into the same van as earlier. “Hmm?” I questioned, full thoughts not really forming in my brain right now. 

“Taking you back to the house before you pass out from heat exhaustion,” Paul explained and it wasn’t much longer before he was leading me into the beach house, his hands providing additional balance support as I moved into our bedroom. Already the air conditioning felt wonderful and the feeling of softness along my entire body took the edge off of the achiness that lingered everywhere. 

I must have fallen asleep because the sun was no longer pouring through the window when I next opened my eyes. A bottle of water and some strawberries were sitting on the bedside table. I was finishing off the bowl when Paul appeared in the doorway, concern etched into his expression. 

“Feeling better?” He asked. 

“Yeah. Thanks.” I replied, rubbing my hand gently over my bump and smiling when I felt my little girl shift in response. 

“Why didn’t you speak up sooner?” He wondered as he moved to sit beside me. 

“I told you guys for weeks that it wasn’t a good idea and no one listened to me,” I mumbled. Immediately concern shifted to guilt and Paul sighed, scraping his nails over the back of his neck. 

“I should have listened.” He admitted. “I’m sorry. I let my desire to see you in person drown out your wants and needs.” Shrugging, I sent him a soft smile to let him know that all was forgiven. “So I have some good news for you.” He declared, shifting topics. “The coyotes agreed to give me two weeks off. So I was thinking I’d come out a week before your due date and stay the full two weeks so hopefully, I can help you out for at least a few days once she arrives.” 

The knowledge that he was willing to fly across the country to be there to support me and this little girl through labor and the first little bit after her arrival meant the world and I couldn’t control the tears pouring down my cheeks. As quickly as they fell, Paul’s thumbs were wiping them away. “I take it that works for you…” He surmised. “At least I’m hoping these are happy tears. Sometimes I can’t tell anymore with the way you start crying at the drop of a hat.” He teased. 

Though he teased about my emotions going haywire, he never complained and took whatever I threw at him, letting anything negative roll right off of his back. I owed him more thank yous than I could ever say and shifting my body, I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly as my little girl squirmed inside of me. 

Knowing that he would be by my side made the prospect of labor a little less scary and now I was even more ready to have my little girl in my arms. 

[hockeylvr59]

Soooo I have to ask cause I may have missed you saying something about it but what happened to the BizNasty series?!?

So I keep trying to convince myself to open up the google doc and continue working on the next chapter for this. I fully plan on continuing it because there’s still so much I want to tell with their story. But the next chapter is (spoiler) the birth chapter and every time I think about writing it I’m scared that I won’t be able to put into words how big the emotions are and how big of a moment it is. It’s a mental block I just haven’t been able to get over yet which is why it hasn’t been written beyond the first 750 words. 

That said, if any of my followers have been through childbirth and would be willing to share some descriptions of how they felt physically/emotionally, that would be super useful because it’s not something I have any experience with. 

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 9 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Authors Note: 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no        Warnings: smut          Word Count: 995

_______

The early morning sun was peeking through the curtains as something stirred me from sleep. It wasn’t until I had blinked a few times that I became cognizant of the pair of lips pressing kisses over my shoulder blades and the firm length of Paul’s cock pressing into my thigh. Immediately a million red flags went up in my brain but the feeling of Paul’s hand drifting from my stomach down to the waistband of my underwear caused my brain to short circuit. 

“Can’t believe you don’t think I want you.” He whispered, his hips flexing against mine as he slid one of his calves between my own. “You’re fucking gorgeous, smart, funny, loving.” Each descriptive word was punctuated by another kiss to my bare skin and I couldn’t help the whimper that slipped from my lips. 

“Paul…” I breathed, not sure myself whether my intent was to tell him to stop or to encourage him to keep going. This was wrong on so many levels but at the same time, my hormones were going crazy and they were going crazy for this man. 

“What sweetheart? Did you really think you wouldn’t wake me with all of the shifting and moaning you were doing?” He questioned, his voice deeper than before as his mouth shifted to the shell of my ear. “You must have been dreaming about something good…” He teased. “Dreaming about me?” He inquired and though I couldn’t remember what I had been dreaming about, I now realized the wetness that had flooded my core creating a sticky feeling between my thighs. 

With Paul’s hips still rocking against mine, it was impossible not to let out another moan. It had been so long since I had been wanted and I was at the stage of my pregnancy where my body was screaming to be touched. 

“Need you to tell me you want this Leigh.” Paul groaned. “Need your permission to touch you.” Without my brain actually engaging, a soft ‘yes’ slipped from my throat, my body arching into Paul’s. Now that the offer was on the table I needed to know if the man was as good in bed as he claimed to be. 

The second he gained consent, Paul’s fingers slipped from their place at my hips, down to where I needed him most. 

“Fuck...you’re so wet.” He hissed, his fingers sliding easily over my flesh as he urged my clit out from under its hood. “You need me as bad as I need you, huh gorgeous?” He rambled. Words were not a thing my brain was able to form as I just focused on the way Paul’s touch was making me feel. Instead, my body just melded to his, silently encouraging him to continue everything that he was doing. 

“Need to be inside you. Can I?” He questioned, his hands making me whine as he pulled them away to shift them to push at the fabric of my underwear. 

“Paul...please.” I managed to gasp and without another word, Paul maneuvered our bodies to slide into me from behind. The stretch of my body around his cock ached for just a moment before I relaxed around him. His breathing was heavy in my ear as he forced himself to remain still while my body adjusted. It was only after I nodded that I was good that his hips moved once more, his body setting a steady and gentle rhythm of movement inside me. 

Despite the lazy pace, my body was buzzing with pleasure. Everything about this felt incredible and I couldn’t believe that it was all real after denying that things between us had been shifting since I found out about the baby. The sound of Paul’s murmurings and grunts in combination with his easy movements inside of me was quickly pushing me closer and closer to climax. The way his body felt against mine was like we were made to fit together and I cried out as he hit a particularly sensitive spot inside of me. 

“You feel so incredible. I’m so close.” Paul groaned against me. “Please tell me you’re close.” He added and for a moment I could feel that familiar warmth and tension starting to spread inside of me, ready to crest and send me flying. It was right there....close enough to touch. 

And then suddenly...I woke up. 

My skin was drenched with sweat and my heart was racing but it felt like a cold bucket of water had been dumped on me as I let out a shaky breath. Glancing behind me, Paul was snoring loudly, his left hand pressed against my bump while his right rested under my head. Tears pricked at my eyes as I realized it had all just been a dream and I slowly shifted out from under Paul’s arm to retreat to the bathroom, quickly checking to ensure that my movements hadn’t disturbed him. 

Of course it was a dream. Of course it wasn’t real. My hormones had been so crazy lately that of course it was all just some crazy fantasy. 

But it had felt so real and I hated myself for that. 

Staring at my reflection in the mirror I tried to tell myself that it was just the hormones, that there wasn’t anything else at play. Paul and I were just coworkers and friends and that was all we would ever be. Any thoughts to the contrary were just childish daydreams. 

Knowing that I couldn’t crawl back into bed with him, not right now...I cleaned myself up a bit and slipped out into the living room and onto the porch to watch the sun rise over the strip. I had to pull myself together and forget about that dream...because if I didn’t things would get awkward and I risked losing one of the best things in my life right now. And losing Paul...that was something that I was certain I couldn’t handle. 

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 12 ;) Channel Paul in those chaps.

Paul in chaps does not fit this next chapter...but I added 154 words. 

Teaser: 

“Just a few more weeks, dustbunny. You just have to hang in there for a few more weeks and then you’ll be here safe and sound in my arms.”

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 10 || Paul Bissonnette

Author's Note: So this one was tough for me because Paul’s head is a tough nut to crack so go easy on me. This is from his POV because I felt like we needed some insight as to where he stood in all of this because so far we’ve only see Leigh’s thoughts. Let me know what you think. We’re covering quite a bit of time fairly quickly now. In fact, there’s probably only 1 more chapter before the event everyone has been waiting for happens *hint hint*. Also, I updated the playlist for this story so feel free to go take a listen and let me know what you think and feel free to send me any songs that make you think of Leigh and Paul because I’d love to hear them. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no       Warnings: swearing      Word Count: 2,389

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Paul’s POV

“Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.” 

Something had been different with Leigh since the awards but I couldn’t put my finger on what had changed or why. We still talked almost every day but where before she would be an open book, now it seemed like a glass wall was between us. Knowing that she would reach out if she needed me, I came to the conclusion that it was something to do with the pregnancy and tried not to dwell on it. 

Hopefully, this trip would make not dwelling a little easier. Thanks to some networking at the Awards and a little help from CCM, we’d finally landed our white whale for the podcast. And not only had we secured Crosby, but we’d also gotten MacKinnon as well. Having arrived in Nova Scotia yesterday, Whit and I were slotted to face off against the local duo in a round of golf, dinner on the line, before sitting down to record the interviews. 

It was a gorgeous June day on the course, and I was absolutely buzzing. This was potentially the best game of golf I’ve ever played in my life. But before we had even finished the front half of the course I was already being accused of being a sandbagger...fucking ridiculous. Nate was getting all sorts of worked up while Sid just laughed saying they’d have to wait and see what the back half brought. 

Needless to say, the second half didn’t go as well as the first...the damn yips taking over. Though we’d had the lead and secured dinner, for some reason Whit felt like giving the losers a second chance to redeem themselves so it was determined that we were only up 1 hole with two remaining. Whit came up just short for birdie leaving us square to start the 18th hole. 

Just as we reached the final tee, my phone rang, Leigh’s picture filling my screen. If it had been anyone else I would have ignored it but there was no way I could ignore her so I grabbed my phone and stepped slightly away as I answered. 

“What’s up?” I questioned. “We’re on the 18th hole with Sid and Nate.” Before she even responded I could hear the hitch in her breath and my heart raced with concern for why she would be crying, though lately, it didn’t take much to make her cry...pregnancy hormones. 

“I forgot.” She admitted, her watery voice cracking. 

“It’s fine. What’s up?” I repeated my question, my stomach twisting as I waited for her answer. 

“It’s a girl.” She whispered. Immediately my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

“What?” The word slipped out while my brain was rushing to process. 

“Dustbunny...she’s a girl.” I had totally forgotten that Leigh had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for today. Without even realizing it, tears had pooled in my eyes and I let out a shaky laugh as I tried to blink them away. Deep down I knew that she was hoping for a girl and so I knew just how much this news meant to her. 

“That’s incredible.” I finally managed my throat tight. “Congratulations.” Though the concept of her really having a baby had become more concrete for me in Vegas seeing her bump, now it really did feel real. In just a few months there would be this little human who looked like her mom hanging around and the thought of that was almost too much. 

With Whit calling my name from the course, I signaled for him to give me just a minute but it was clear that Leigh heard it and she murmured that I should get back to the game. But before she hung up she made one final statement. 

“You can tell the guys if you want. And uh...let them know I’ll make a public announcement in the next couple days but to keep it to themselves until then please.” 

“Course.” I murmured, my brain still operating mostly on autopilot as it worked over the news she’d just dropped on me. “I uh...I’ll talk to you and dustbunny later.” 

“Yeah.” She agreed. “Now go have fun.” She added just before the line went dead. Frantically I tried to pull myself together, wiping at my eyes and pocketing my phone.

It was my turn up at the tee and as I tried to focus, laughter came at me from all directions. Whether it was the laughter or the thought of Leigh and her daughter racing through my mind, as I swung at the ball I sliced it way left and the laughter took full force. 

“Fuck off okay,” I mumbled, moving to sit on a bench, my nails scraping over my scalp. 

“What the fuck was that?” Whit demanded. “You take one phone call and make the worst shot of the day?” There was nothing but silence as we made our way down to the green and as we waited for Sid to putt Whit looked over at me. “Everything okay?” He asked, voice calmer. “I’m assuming that was Leigh.” 

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Everything’s good.” Whit looked at me skeptically before taking his turn and after sinking his putt for the win he paused. 

“Okay, Biz...spill.” He stated, leaning against his club. “You’ve been all hyped up all day and now you’re quiet. What was that call about?” 

“She’s having a girl.” I breathed, tossing my club back in the bag before reaching for a bottle of water to try and calm my still racing heart down. 

“Who’s having a girl?” Nate inquired, clearly confused by the statement. 

“Leigh. Our business manager.” Whit explained. “That’s awesome, I’m sure she’s over the moon.” 

“Wait...she’s pregnant?” Sid asked, having obviously paid no mind to her growing bump when they met just a week or so ago. 

“Yeah. It’s complicated.” I expressed. “And she is over the moon. She was crying over the phone.” I added, once again scratching my head. It was left unspoken, but not unnoticed by Whit that I had been crying over the news too and we made our way over to a little cafe to record both interviews, my mind gradually refocusing as I focused back in on hockey and the world surrounding it. 

~~~

It wasn’t until we were a few drinks into a delicious dinner courtesy of Sid and Nate that Leigh was brought up as conversation again. 

It had happened casually, Sid inquiring as to what we had upcoming for the podcast. Whit went into a ramble on the secret project we’d been working on for months, a Pink Whitney vodka, and how we had a launch party for that planned for Labor Day weekend. Then RA brought up how each of us was working to pick up some of the management job duties so that Leigh could have a proper maternity leave when the time arose. That triggered Nate inquiring about the whole baby thing and I quickly had to vaguely explain that Leigh wasn’t with the baby’s father and that we were close friends because she’d been with me in Arizona when she found out. 

We’d just downed another round of drinks when Whit threw the first real punch. 

“So Biz….when are you going to tell her you’re in love with her?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about...we’re just friends.” I lied, doing everything I could to keep my facial expressions neutral. 

“That’s bullshit and everyone else can see it besides the two of you.” He tossed back. “You look at her like she’s the goddamn stanley cup. I haven’t seen you even look at another woman in months. If you aren’t talking about work you’re talking about Leigh and the baby so stop playing. You’re in love with her.” 

If it weren’t for the drinks I’d already consumed I probably wouldn’t have admitted to anything. But with the drinks, I felt my palms start to sweat and my filter let a few too many thoughts slip through. 

“Of course I love her,” I mumbled. “She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s absolutely stunning, and she has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen. She’s handled everything thrown at her with far more grace than I ever could have and she’s going to be an absolutely incredible mom.” Downing the rest of my last drink I sighed heavily. “But we’re just friends and it’s going to stay that way.” 

“So you love her and you obviously love her baby...what’s the fucking problem?” Whit pushed. 

“The problem is that she deserves more. Better.” At those words, every head at the table turned to look at me. 

“What the fuck does that mean?” RA questioned, his tone brusque. 

“It means that she could do so much better than me. I don’t exactly have the best reputation with women or in general. She deserves someone that can match her in intelligence and who won’t fucking stain her name with his own. She deserves someone who isn’t mentally fucked up...who doesn’t experience episodes where he can barely take care of himself let alone her and the baby. She deserves stability.” 

After spilling out all of the reasons why friends was all we were ever going to be, I expected some resistance, what I didn’t expect was Whit to bust out laughing at me. Glaring at him I clenched my jaw and he just shook his head. 

“You’re a fucking moron Paul. You’re making excuses as to why you aren’t good enough for her and she’s making excuses as to why she’s not good enough for you when in reality you’re perfect for each other.” 

“What are you talking about?” I pressed, swirling the ice in my glass aimlessly. 

“I’m talking about the fact that she told Brie she didn’t think that you’d ever even have sex with her because she’s not your type. She minimizes anything you feel for her proclaiming that it’s just the baby you’re attached to. She thinks that all you’d ever want to be is Uncle Paul so how could you possibly want to pursue more when a relationship with her would come with the baggage of a baby that’s not yours. She’s just as insecure as you are….but I guarantee you that the way you’re shaking your head about the things she’s worried about would be the same way she’d react to the things you’re worried about.” 

It baffled me to think that Leigh thought I wouldn’t want her. At the same time, I couldn’t help but wonder if that expression meant that she actually did want me. For a while, conversation traveled back to less serious topics but before we headed back to the hotel for the night Whit pulled me aside one more time. 

“Look I get you have your own concerns and that you’re worried about unnecessarily dumping something else onto her plate but don’t let either of those fears keep you from something that could be great. Now may not be the right time, but I’ve seen the two of you together and you both bring out the best parts of each other...so just be patient and things will work out like they’re supposed to.” 

It wasn’t until I was settled into bed that I was able to watch the ultrasound video Leigh had sent me. Between that and dinner’s conversation, the moment that I closed my eyes, too many thoughts, thoughts of Leigh and the baby she was carrying, filled my mind making sleep impossible. Was it really possible that she felt the same way I did? Did I want to play a role more than Uncle in this baby’s life? Was she ready to move on after having her heart crushed not once, not twice, but three times? 

~~~

Just like she had said, Leigh dropped her pregnancy announcement as we were leaving Nova Scotia. Swiping through the photos I couldn’t help but be mesmerized at the way her bump had grown in the short time since I’d seen her last. She was very obviously pregnant now and though her photos only barely showed her face it was easy to see how much pregnancy suited her and how she was glowing because of it. 

Unsurprisingly the announcement garnered some attention both positive and negative. There were people both in her personal life and around the league that were absolutely thrilled for her. Then there were people that had very much jumped to conclusions as she expected they would and though there really wasn’t anything I could do, I was angry that I couldn’t protect her from their harsh words and suspicions. If I thought she’d let me, I’d chew out every idiot on the internet but deep down I knew that kind of attention would only make things worse. Instead, I focused on distracting her away from that content, asking questions about her plans for a nursery while trying to hide the feelings that were getting harder and harder to suppress.  

By the time her birthday arrived in the second week of July, I was determined to do something special for her. Though we were once again on opposite sides of the country I had been planning for her birthday since we left Vegas. In addition to sending flowers, I’d booked her a pregnancy massage session hoping to help alleviate some of the aches and pains she’d been complaining of. It didn’t seem like much to me but when she called after her appointment raving over how much better she felt, it was evident that my gesture was appreciated. Though I didn’t generally make posts for others on their birthdays, I felt compelled to share a few photos of the woman who had brightened my life up just by being a part of it. It was a little sappy but if anyone deserved it, it was her. 

Though we talked almost daily and her selfies came more frequently as dustbunny continued growing, I still found myself counting the days until I would see her in person next. And to be frank, it couldn’t come soon enough. I was completely screwed...but to be honest there was a part of me that knew that the moment I first laid eyes on her. 

Chapter 10 Social Media:

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 8 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Authors Note: Woooo!!! I finally got past my writer’s block and cranked this part out. I had been stuck on it for the past month and now we can move onto some more fun stuff but I needed to establish some connections and such here first for down the road.  

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no     Word Count: 2,654

Warnings: none really, some alcohol consumption (on Paul’s part)

________

“If nothing ever changed there’d be no butterflies.” 

It was a short drive from the hotel to the Mandalay Bay Events Center. Though Paul’s fingers were entwined with mine during the drive, even his touch couldn’t quell the anxiety I felt as the limo slowed to a halt and the door opened. Paul carefully helped me out of the vehicle and his hand rested low on my back as we started toward the red carpet. The moment we stepped onto the red carpet, however, my anxiety reached its peak and I felt my body freeze in terror. The second Paul saw the look on my face he murmured for Brie to take me inside and that they would meet us there. 

By the time the guys rejoined us, Brie had managed to get a glass of water into my hands and she was assuring me that everything was okay. Deep down I knew that we had breezed by the media so quickly and casually that the odds of anyone talking about us were slim. At the same time, I felt guilty that I couldn’t handle the few minutes of formalities of being Paul’s date without feeling like I was going to have a panic attack. 

Paul’s arm rested along the curve of my lower back when he approached and he rubbed up and down soothingly. 

“Sorry that took so long ladies.” He declared like he wasn’t at all fazed by what had happened. Opening my mouth to try and apologize, I was immediately silenced as he leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Don’t. You’re fine. I get it...the media is a lot.” My second attempt at apologizing was also shut down when he declared out loud that we should head down to the floor and take our seats. 

Though he hadn’t said it, I knew Paul was trying to get me to forget about the red carpet so that it didn’t dampen the rest of the evening. After all, we still had the awards themselves as well as the after-party ahead of us. As we made our way to our seats, Paul occasionally stopped to talk to someone he knew, taking a moment to introduce me as his favorite business manager and date for the evening to each person. The more introductions we got through with no one even noticing my baby bump, the more relaxed I became at the thought that maybe it wasn’t as noticeable as I feared. As Paul had assured me through his texts when he invited me, even if it was noticeable, now that we were mostly away from the media, no one seemed likely to bring it up. 

Settled into my seat next to Paul as the awards started I couldn’t help but feel my natural smile returning, the forced smile I had plastered on in the car slowly leaving my face. The first trophy presented was the Calder and it was no surprise when Elias Pettersson was announced as the winner. He’d had such a stellar season and it was really cool getting to see someone so young experience their first career award knowing that it was likely to be the first of many. 

Next came the Lady Byng award, and I couldn’t help the laugh that spilled out of me when Aleksander Barkov commented on there being more fans from Finland than from Florida present. It was a classic hockey chirp and I peeked over at Paul to find that he was looking over at me, a lazy grin on his face. 

The GM of the year award was given to Don Sweeney from the Bruins and I felt Paul squeeze my hand a little tighter as he talked about his premature sons being his inspiration in his acceptance speech. The moment was heavy for me personally and it was clear that it was for Paul as well by the change in his breathing. As soon as Jason Zucker finished his speech for the King Clancy Award, Paul and Whit moved to slip backstage to prepare for their presentation and Brie slid over a few chairs to sit next to me. 

The Norris was given to Mark Giordano of the Calgary Flames and I smiled as he thanked his wife and kids for always putting a smile on his face after a rough night. Hockey is about family after all and it’s always nice to see more of the behind the scenes people get the credit they deserve. Following the presentation of the Norris, Auston Matthews was named as the cover athlete for NHL20 and I couldn’t help but cringe at the fact that he had sweat through his suit. 

Paul and Whit presented the Masterton Trophy, and knowing the struggles that Paul had with depression toward the end of his own career it seemed fitting. The award was given to Robin Lehner and his quote on the fact that being mentally ill doesn’t mean you’re mentally weak stuck with me because it was something that could apply to all of us at times. I could see Paul almost getting emotional on stage and it made it hard for me to fight back my own hormonal tears. 

The Selke was awarded to O’Reilly and the Jack Adams to Trotz while we waited for the guys to return to their seats, Brie sliding back to her own after sending me a smile and squeezing my hand gently. As Paul settled back in beside me I felt the baby shift, a soft flutter followed by pressure against my bladder. Thankfully the show was more than halfway over and while I wished the baby would shift off of my bladder it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle. 

Any thoughts of my bladder were quickly silenced as a discussion about Anderson Whitehouse’s prior meeting with Carey Price was brought up as the next segment for the NHL Fan Choice Feel Good Moment. I remembered having cried the first time I saw it and it was clear that I was going to cry again as tears filled my eyes when Anderson was brought onto the stage and the presenter cued up a video from Carey Price himself. 

“Carey is here.” I leaned over and whispered to Biz who looked at me like I was crazy until the man himself appeared on the stage to surprise his biggest fan. The second the two embraced the tears poured and Paul had to reach over with his pocket square in an attempt to prevent me from completely ruining my makeup. At the same time, he was openly crying as well and my heart panged once more knowing that this was affecting him as much as it did me. Men not being afraid of showing emotion was something I loved and was clearly just another factor that drew me to appreciate Paul as a coworker and friend. As the whole audience gave them a standing ovation, Paul’s hand drifted once more to my back rubbing gently. 

The Vezina, Messier, and Willie O’Ree awards were some of the last of the night and as each was presented, my growing need to use the bathroom lingered in the back of my mind, slowly becoming more urgent. 

It wasn’t at all surprising that Nikita Kucherov won both the Hart and Ted Lindsay trophies for MVP after the season he’d had and I laughed softly as Paul whispered that they were working on scoring him for an interview at some point. As the award show concluded, we lingered in our seats for a moment before Paul moved to track down more people to talk to. He was such an extrovert that it honestly made me cringe sometimes and as he engaged himself in another conversation I moved to steal Brie from Ryan. 

“I need to use the bathroom asap. Come find it with me?” I requested. With Ryan aware of where we were, the two of us headed off and by the time I finished using the bathroom given the bump and the dress, Ryan had texted that the guys were waiting for us in the lobby so that we could head to the after-party. 

___

By the time we got through Vegas traffic to the after-party, music was already playing on the rooftop bar, alcohol was flowing, and trays of food were being passed around. Leaving me with Ryan and Brie, Paul went to grab drinks for the four of us and when he returned he passed me a cup murmuring that I should just trust him. There was never a doubt that I trusted him so while I had expected to be drinking water all night, I tried the drink Paul had provided and immediately I was hooked as a sweet fruity tang hit my tongue. Chatting with Ryan and Brie for a few minutes about the awards, it wasn’t long until someone approached to chat with the guys. For almost an hour I just stood, tucked into Paul’s side as he chatted with various players about the podcast, hockey, and any shared histories. 

Eventually though, my back started to ache and my feet hurt. I didn’t want to interrupt so I didn’t say anything at first, but eventually, Paul leaned down to whisper in my ear that I should go sit on one of the many couches for a bit and just rest. Nodding, I sent him a soft smile before bowing out of the conversation and heading across the room toward an unoccupied couch. 

I’d been just people watching for about ten or fifteen minutes when another woman approached. 

“Mind if I join you?” She questioned and after assuring her she could my brain finally pieced together who it was that had joined me. Vero Fleury. While Flower hadn’t been nominated for any awards tonight, clearly they had decided to take advantage of their residence in Vegas to come hang out with friends and enjoy the party the NHL put on. 

Though I knew who she was, she introduced herself after a moment. 

“Leigh Thompson,” I replied. “I’m here with Biz.” I clarified knowing that she was probably wondering how I made my way into a private party. 

“Biz’s date...how’d you get wrapped into that?” She teased and I laughed in response knowing that question was beyond accurate. 

“I’m the business manager for the podcast and he knows I owe him,” I responded my tone light. “I just don’t owe him enough to endure a sore back and achy feet the entire night,” I added, causing her to laugh softly. For a moment I could feel her eyes on me and she shifted a bit closer so she didn’t have to speak as loudly. 

“I remember those days.” She murmured. “It’s all so worth it though.” She assured me and realizing that she had noticed my bump I nodded. 

“I sure hope so. Because this little one is wreaking havoc on my body already.” I replied. “Don’t get me wrong...I love them. But single parenthood is hard.” For just a moment I let my hand brush over my bump before resting it at my side again. 

“I can only imagine.” Vero murmured and instead of dwelling on that she pulled her phone out of her clutch, opening it to pictures of her girls and their newborn son. For the next little bit, I chatted with her about what to expect with a newborn, the joys and hardships that being a parent brought. I mentioned having to figure out how to make a nursery look like a nursery without being able to paint or hang more than a few things on the walls and Vero immediately jumped into suggestions. 

Eventually, Marc-Andre came over to join her and after pushing back my star-struck expression, he chatted about his son and daughters before diving into some stories I could use against Paul if I ever needed them. It wasn’t long before I was laughing with the two of them and had lost track of time. It had been nearly an hour since I had sat down before Paul appeared beside me, his brown eyes just a little glassy from the alcohol he’d consumed so far. 

With Paul insisting that there was someone he wanted to introduce me to, I was pulled away from the couch...but not before exchanging cell info with Vero who had insisted that I reach out if I had any questions or just needed someone else to talk to about everything that was rapidly changing in my life. She added that she would send me product suggestions and ideas for the nursery once she was home and had more time to check some things out. I was absolutely interested in whatever advice she had to give because it had been almost two decades since my mom had my sisters and having a baby was certainly different now than it had been then. 

With Paul’s guiding hand on my back again, any unease I’d been feeling from being by myself vanished. Crossing the room, Paul immediately butted his way into a conversation. 

“Sid...this is who I wanted you to meet.” He declared and instantly a flush crossed my cheeks as I realized that I was now standing in front of the first player I’d ever had a crush on. “Sid. This is our business manager Leigh. She’s a lifelong pens fan.” A million different thoughts flooded through my body, the first of which being that I needed to kill Paul for not giving a girl some warning. Instead, though I did my best to compose myself, reaching out a hand to shake Sid’s outstretched one. 

Sid was gracious as always, immediately inquiring about how I’d picked the pens as a team and after responding that it was just kind of what happens when you’re born in Pittsburgh he laughed and nodded, his familiar giggles even better in person than they are on video. Pausing, I commented on how I needed to thank him because it was his being drafted that had gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life and while the rest of the conversation was honestly a bit of a blur, at the end of it, Paul insisted that I take a picture with Sid for posterity's sake. 

Sid was subsequently pulled away and immediately I leaned into Paul’s chest, trying to quell the rapid beating of my heart. 

“I hate you. Give a girl some warning next time.” I mumbled, causing Paul to laugh. 

“Do you hate me too much to dance with me?” He inquired, his gaze soft as he looked down at me. The song had just switched to something slow and without even really thinking about it, my hand accepted Paul’s extended one letting him lead me out to the dance floor. 

Swaying softly, his hands fell to my waist and mine drifted to link behind his neck. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” He questioned softly. Nodding in response, I bit back a yawn. “Good I’m glad.” He added. “Thank you for tonight. I know this isn’t really your scene but it means the world to me that you agreed to come.” We danced until the song came to a close and after talking with a few more people Paul asked if I was ready to head out. 

Back at the hotel, Paul helped me with the zipper on my dress before disappearing into the bathroom to change from his suit. After changing, we readied for bed in a comfortable silence and then slid into bed together, Paul’s arms wrapping back around me, his hands stroking over my belly until my eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. Even more so than before, I felt safe, warm, and cared about while cuddled against his 6’2” frame. It was a feeling that was welcome but terrifying all at the same time. 

Chapter 8 Social Media: 

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 7 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Authors Note: I’ve been sitting on this for about a month because I was going to finish writing the entire day in one chapter but I really think this can stand alone and has a different tone to it than the rest so I’m just gonna post the finished portion as is. I’d love love love thoughts on it. Again, please feel free to send me any songs that you think I should add to the series playlist. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no || Warnings: cursing, anxiety || Word Count: 2,634

~~~

“When things change inside you, things change around you.” 

A large booming laugh sounded from the next room an hour or so after I’d dozed back off to sleep, waking me immediately. I knew that laugh by heart and cursed myself when butterflies erupted in my stomach at the sound of it. Turning my alarm off, I slipped out of bed, once again reminding myself that it was just the hormones causing all of these crazy feelings and that they weren’t real. Pushing myself to my feet, I felt the butterflies start again, stronger this time, and tears instantly pricked at my eyes. My hand flew to my bump rubbing gently as I stood frozen in place, my mind processing what I’d just felt. That wasn’t some crazy hormonal feeling, that was my baby moving inside of me, a sensation that I’d been waiting weeks to feel. 

The sensation was gone as quickly as it had started until another laugh sounded from the living room. Walking toward the bedroom door, I opened it quietly and stood there just listening and waiting for another laugh, hoping it would make this little girl or boy move again. Though the boys were in the middle of an interview, the moment Paul saw me and the tears rolling down my cheeks he sent me a concerned look and moved to get up. Shaking my head, I motioned for him to continue, now drawing the attention of the rest of the boys and their guest. Keep laughing. I mouthed, causing Paul’s eyebrow to raise in confusion. The story being told continued on and after a minute or two Paul’s laugh sounded through the room again, followed by the rapid flutterings of the baby’s movements. 

I remained in the doorway to the living room until the boys wrapped things up a few minutes later and as soon as they were done recording, Paul was out of his chair and moving over to me. 

“Is everything okay?” He murmured softly and I found myself laughing softly as I nodded. 

“Your laugh woke me up because apparently dustbunny likes it. I just felt the baby move for the first time Paul.” His eyes grew wide as he looked down at me, his hand falling to my waist. 

“Wait what? The baby moved?” He questioned. 

“Yeah... I’ve been waiting to feel it because all the books say you should by 22 weeks and I was beginning to worry that I hadn’t yet.” I knew without him even asking that he was wondering if he’d be able to feel it and I shrugged softly. “It’s not a kick or anything yet...more like a feeling of bubbles or something. It’ll be a few more weeks before someone else could feel but god Paul...it’s incredible.” 

The smile on my face made him smile, though I knew he was slightly disappointed that he couldn’t feel. Hugging me gently, he murmured that he was glad that everything was okay and then looking at the clock murmured for me to go get my shower. 

“Fine...if you insist.” I teased softly, leaning up to kiss his cheek before turning to slip back into our room to gather my things for a shower. 

_____

Half an hour later I was clean, shaven, and moisturized. After quickly blow-drying my hair I returned to the bedroom, smiling when I found a button down shirt laid out with a scratchy handwritten note on top of it.

Here’s the button up I promised. Also Brie expects you to take your things over to get ready with her just FYI. The boys and I will bring you back some food in a bit but I probably won’t see you until it’s time to go. Enjoy your girl time. 

Paul

It made me smile that he remembered our conversation from a few days ago where I’d demanded he bring me a spare button up because none of my own fit anymore and I didn’t want to have to struggle with getting a normal shirt off over completed hair and makeup. 

I was a little surprised that Ryan’s wife, Brie, wanted to get ready together because I actually hadn’t met her yet. Still, I gathered up my makeup bag, hair supplies, dress and sandals and headed across the hall, knocking gently at the bedroom door that Ryan had walked out of this morning. 

Brie was so welcoming as she took my things, hanging my dress over the door before taking the rest into the bathroom where her things were already spread out over the counter. As soon as her hands were free, her arms were wrapped around me in a hug. 

“I’m so glad I finally get to meet you. Ryan has not shut up about you since you started working with them. He’s constantly bragging about the events you’re planning and how revenues have grown already.” She exclaimed, causing me to blush having never been one to take compliments well. As she pulled back her eyes widened for a moment. “And oh my god. The baby. Look at you...you’re glowing.” Her excitement was a little bit overwhelming but nice all the same. 

“I just felt the baby move for the first time so that probably has something to do with it.” I explained. 

“It’s the most incredible feeling isn’t it?” She declared rhetorically and I nodded trying to fight back the tears that were threatening again. 

“Yeah it really is. God I am so emotional lately that it’s driving me crazy.” I admitted, and my confession made her laugh as she nodded in sympathy. 

“I know that feeling well.” Looking over the supplies gracing the counter I realized that her hair was already mostly done and she looked absolutely beautiful. “So..this is your first big event right?” She asked, looking over her shoulder at me. 

“Yep. And I wouldn’t be here if I knew how to tell Biz no. But he’s so goddamn insistent and he’s done so much for me that I guess this is the least I could do.” For a moment I couldn’t read the expression on her face before she turned back to me. 

“We’ll get to all of that…” She trailed off, smirking a bit which scared me just a little. “But first, please tell me that you’ll let me do your hair and makeup.” Neither of those areas were really within my expertise, especially not for something like this so I bit my lip for a moment before sighing. 

“Yes please...I honestly have no idea what I’m doing and I’m already nervous enough about tonight.” Her face was giddy as she quickly looked me over once more, paced out of the room to look at my dress, before returning to plug the curling iron I’d brought into the wall. 

“What are you so nervous about?” She finally asked as she quickly finished up her own hair while waiting for the curling iron to heat up. 

“That the entire world is gonna take one look at me on camera and immediately rumors will be flying about my pregnancy. I mean everyone who matters already knows, and I know I’m going to have to make an announcement eventually because I don’t think I can avoid it working this job, but I want to do it on my terms and not because millions of people see me on the arm of Paul Bissonnette and jump to conclusions. That’s the last thing that either of us need.” Brie was silent through my rant before resting a hand gently on my shoulder. 

“It’s all gonna be fine. You and I can sneak down the red carpet ahead of the guys if we have to and once we’re inside there isn’t anyone who would dare say a word about it even if they did notice.” Her face was reassuring as she took two steps out of the bathroom again before returning and motioning for me to sit on a chair she’d brought in from the living room. “But you’re wearing a maternity dress and your bump isn’t that big so I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” She added, quickly sectioning my hair before spraying a portion with heat spray and beginning to curl it. 

She worked in silence on my hair for a few minutes, leaving me to my own thoughts. Now that I was fully awake, my brain started to wander. Brie had mentioned vaguely that we’d get back to the subject of Paul and what she was implying by that made me nervous. Then Grinnell’s assumption about Biz being the baby’s father and Ryan’s comment about Biz being differently lately both popped back into my head and suddenly it felt like I couldn’t breathe. My hands started shaking and didn’t stop until Brie was squatting in front of me, her hands holding mine. 

“Hey...what’s wrong?” She murmured. “Take a deep breath….in…..out….again.” Following her guidance I forced myself to start breathing again though the implications that everyone was making wouldn’t leave my mind. Brie didn’t say anything else right away, letting me try and put my thoughts into words. 

“Sorry....” I whispered, taking a few more deep breaths. “Just fuck...Mikey assumed Paul was the baby’s father and your husband commented on Paul being different lately and just...what does all of that fucking mean?” Brie’s hands were still resting on my own until I finished and then she stood up again. 

“Well...I mean we all know Mikey isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed…” She declared. “So I wouldn’t really read into that. That assumption is probably more on Biz anyway than it is on you.” 

“Still...that assumption is premised on the idea that Biz would even have sex with me…” I trailed off, flushing slightly. 

“What...you don’t think he would?” Brie asked and when she looked down at my face she nearly gasped. “You really don’t think he would…” 

Flushing further, I shrugged. “I’m just...I think it’s clear that I’m not his type okay. We’re talking about the man that has been with models and porn stars…” Ducking my head, I brushed a hand over my bump and sighed. “As much of a man whore as he is, no I don’t think he’d have sex with me. So Mikey’s assumption could not be further off.” 

For a moment it seemed like Brie wanted to push but then she decided it wasn’t a good idea and instead picked the curling iron back up. 

“I think you’re wrong but I’ll drop it at that.” She murmured curling a few more strands of my hair before speaking again. “As far as my husband’s comments go... you have to at least admit that he is different lately because of you.” My face crinkled with confusion, causing Brie to sigh and continue down her train of thought. “Okay so obviously you didn’t know him before he met you...but Ryan and I did and he is so different now. He doesn’t go out as much, doesn’t talk about his hookups as much. Instead, he’s constantly talking about you. You do realize that he spent the entire morning while they weren’t recording talking to Ryan about the baby right? And he’s happier...so much happier than I’ve ever seen him. He cares a lot.” I couldn’t help but think about all of the nights that were spent with Paul on the other end of the phone. But with the time difference I’d assumed that he was just having his fun once I was asleep.

“I know that he cares about the baby...he’s been such a great friend with all of that.” I could see Brie purse her lips from above me before shaking her head. 

“He cares about you too you know...not just the baby.” 

“I mean yeah...we’re friends…” I breathed and Brie got that look on her face that suggested that I was completely daft. 

“Oh...Leigh...I don’t know whether you’re lying to yourself or if you honestly don’t see it.” She mumbled under her breath. Setting the curling iron down for a moment again she leaned against the counter in front of me. “Just...keep an open mind. I know you’re going through a lot but....don’t write things off yet.” 

After a moment’s pause she quickly changed the subject to the baby, what plans I had, when and if I was finding out the sex. She continued curling my hair until there was a knock at the bedroom door and when she called out that it was okay to come in, Grinnell appeared carrying a take out bag from Chick-fil-a and a container of fruit. Brie eagerly grabbed the food from him before shooing him out of the room with a quick thanks. 

I munched on the fruit, somehow knowing that Paul had picked it up specifically for me, while Brie finished my hair. After that, we took five to finish eating and so Brie could start on her own makeup. Scrolling through social media I couldn’t help but laugh seeing the chiclets page’s latest update on Instagram. 

Brie was much faster with her makeup than I could probably ever be and so it wasn’t long before she was digging through my bag and her own figuring out what she was going to do to enhance my look for the night. We talked about her and Ryan’s baby boy who was at home with his grandparents and I couldn’t help but smile thinking about that sort of future with my own baby. It was definitely going to be hard, everything she dealt with when Ryan was on the road would be my life all the time but I loved this baby so much that I couldn’t wait. 

By the time she finished with my makeup, we had about ten minutes before we needed to leave and Ryan had already come banging on the door once to insist that we were ready on time. 

Thankfully, with Brie’s help it didn’t take me more than a minute or two to change from the button down and shorts into my dress. With my bump in the way, putting on my shoes took me a little longer but we were still ready to go and grabbing clutches with a couple of minutes to spare. 

Brie left the room ahead of me and I heard her murmur something to the guys but when I stepped out of the room I wasn’t prepared for the reaction I received. Immediately my ears were met with teasing catcalls coming from RA and Whit. When I looked up, Grinnell wasn’t even paying attention but Paul’s eyes were focused directly on me. Brie smirked at me and motioned to the silly little grin on Paul’s face while she worked on fixing her husband’s tie. If asked, I wouldn’t admit that my heart skipped a beat at the way Paul was looking at me, his eyes soft with a twinkle I’d never noticed before. Still, when he didn’t say anything I was worried that he didn’t like the dress or something. 

“So…?” I whispered softly, trying not to bite my lip and ruin my lipstick. Hearing my voice, Paul blinked rapidly for a moment before striding across the room toward me, his hand falling to my hip. 

“Wow...you look wow.” He breathed, dropping a kiss to my forehead as he looked me up and down. “You look incredible.” He eventually added, a lazy, happy grin taking over his face. A warmth spread through my entire body at his words, but before I could comment on how well he cleaned up, Whit was practically dragging us out the door declaring that we were going to be late. 

Chapter 7 Outfit:

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 6 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Authors Note: Splitting this next segment up into at least two parts because otherwise, it will be insanely long (this part contains 2 of at least 6 events that I have in mind for this short span of time). I’d love to know what you think of this chapter, especially considering that Paul is very much present. Also please feel free to send me any songs that you think I should add to the series playlist. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no    Warnings: cursing.   Word Count: 2,865+ text convos

_____________________________________________________________

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” 

From the moment I’d been hired by the podcast, I’d been working on putting together all of the details for a Vegas trip for the NHL awards. Now, after months of hard work, everything was set for the guys to spend a week in Vegas. Our title sponsor for the trip was one of the many hotel-casinos who had reserved a 4 bedroom suite for the podcast hosts as well as a few standard rooms for the camera and production guys. Additionally, all of the media passes for the event were ready to go and I knew the boys had lined up quite a few guests. With everything set and the awards only a week away I was hoping to maybe be able to take a mini-vacation myself at home while they partied it up and got tons of content to last through the summer. 

It had been maybe an hour from when I sent the boys an email with all of the important details for the trip when my phone buzzed with an incoming text from Paul. 

______

So, because I lacked all capability to tell Paul Bissonnette ‘no’ when he asked me to do something, I was currently pulling my suitcase through the Vegas airport at almost midnight the night before the awards. Checking my phone I saw that Paul had texted me one message with the room number and which room in the suite was ours as well as another saying that the rest of the boys had gone out but that he’d be there when I got in. I had previously told him not to wait up for me and had even fought with him when he wanted to come to pick me up. It was completely ridiculous for him to even think about taking an Uber to the airport just to uber back to the hotel. 

Grabbing a cab, it wasn’t long before I had arrived at the hotel and after stopping at the front desk for a key to the room and to make sure the boys hadn’t had any problems with the reservations, I took the elevator upstairs and let myself into a dark and silent suite. Part of me had expected Paul to be up watching tv or something but it was too quiet for that. He’d said that we were staying in the first room on the right and so I quietly headed over, pausing in the doorway when my eyes caught sight of him. 

The only light in the room was coming from the open blinds letting in the city lights and Paul was sprawled out on the bed on his stomach fast asleep. The way the light and shadows highlighted the muscles of his naked back made my body react involuntarily and I took a deep breath trying not to gasp. Reminding myself that this was definitely just the pregnancy hormones getting the best of me, I slipped into the room and closed the door to the living room behind me. 

As quietly as I could, I hung my dress up in the wardrobe and got my pajamas and things for bed out of my suitcase before sneaking into the bathroom to get ready to go to sleep. It was beyond late and with the time change, I was exhausted. Paul was still taking up most of the bed when I stepped out of the bathroom and flipped off the light, using the flashlight on my phone to guide me across the room to close the curtains and then to the edge of the bed. Perched on what little bed was not occupied by a large man, I gently reached out and rubbed my hand over his back trying to stir him just enough that he’d roll over and make room. Getting no reaction I sighed. 

“Paul...are you actually gonna share the bed like you promised or am I stuck sleeping on the couch tonight?” I whispered. Rubbing his back once more I felt his muscles twitch and suddenly his body was moving, arm reaching out to take my hand and pull me into him. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I settled into his embrace, his solid chest pressed into my back. As his body shifted to surround me further, the hand that had grabbed mine moved to drape over my waist. 

We’d snuggled like this before, but back then I didn’t have a 21-week baby bump protruding from my front. It was clear that in his sleepy state he expected what he was used to before because the moment his arm didn’t drape the way he expected he froze against me. A change in his breathing signaled that he was now actually awake and his hand gently caressed my stomach for a moment. 

“Holy shit Leigh…” His sleep laden voice murmured from behind me. “You...that’s...I didn’t...wow.” Shaking my head at him a little I rolled onto my back so that I could look over at him. As I shifted, Paul reached over to tap the bedside light on, allowing us to actually see each other. 

“It’s called a baby bump Paul...this is kinda what happens when you’re pregnant and the baby starts to get bigger. There’s only so much space in there for the baby to grow otherwise.” His gaze was dark and lazy as our eyes met before he swept a look up and down my body taking in the changes that he’d missed due to living on separate sides of the country. 

“I knew that…” He declared, glaring at me softly. “I just...I don’t know. I haven’t seen you in a few months and I don’t know why but I wasn’t expecting you to be showing. Not like this.” I knew he wasn’t implying that I was fat or anything, just that his brain hadn’t actually processed the changes that my body would undergo during pregnancy. 

“Not so easy to hide anymore huh?” I questioned and he nodded but his eyes hadn’t left my stomach, nor had his hand. 

“Fuck...I...are you okay with me touching?” He asked at least being conscious enough to know that women frequently complained about people touching their bellies. It was clear that he wanted to touch and explore. To make the connection between the baby that we so frequently talked about and how said baby currently existed inside me. Smiling over at him I nodded, though he wasn’t looking and therefore didn’t see it. 

“Go for it,” I assured him. “You are one of the few people I think I can put on my approved bump touch list.” I teased. Part of me had at least expected him to crack a smile at that but I don’t think he was paying attention to my words since the second I gave him permission to touch. 

The way his strong fingers grazed over my belly so gently caused a shiver to run up my spine and I just watched him for a moment before closing my eyes and relaxing. For a few minutes, he just caressed and pressed his palm to my stomach before his fingers dipped down to the edge of my shirt. Peeking up at him I could see the adoration in his eyes as he looked at the way my body had adapted to growing the little boy or girl inside of me. I felt blessed to know that he already loved this baby so much even though he had no real reason to and it made me want to give him as much as I could so far as letting him bond with the baby went. 

“Here…” I breathed, rolling just slightly to adjust my shirt so that it rested just under my breasts, exposing the skin of my stomach to him, stretch marks and all. I knew that touching through clothes was one thing but letting him see the way that my skin had stretched, and letting him touch without that barrier in the way was something else entirely. 

Paul’s hand quickly found its way back to the bump and when he looked up at me again his eyes were moist with tears. Meeting his gaze with concern, I reached over to brush my thumb against his cheek. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, his body leaning into my touch as much as I had his earlier. “I just...this is incredible. I...I didn’t expect that this would affect me so much.” It was totally understandable for him to have that reaction and I did my best to communicate that to him without words. My own voice was stuck in my throat seeing him get emotional over something that I’d personally gotten used to because it was my new normal. “You...I hope you know that you were beautiful before...but you’re absolutely gorgeous like this. Pregnancy suits you.” The intent behind his words confused me but he was so sure of them that I couldn’t help the flush that came over my entire body. Catching my breath after a moment I glanced over at the alarm clock beside the bed. 

“So...can we go to sleep now...because it’s the middle of the night back home and being pregnant is exhausting.” My words seemed to snap Paul out of his trance. 

“Fuck...of course. I...goodnight Leigh.” His words were spoken with a soft kiss to my temple, but before I could attempt to roll over, Paul had shifted, leaning over me. “Goodnight dustbunny.” He added and for a split second his lips were pressed against my stomach before he was laying back down beside me, a sheepish look on his face. “Didn’t want baby to feel left out.” He mumbled before switching the light back off so that we could all get some sleep. 

Tucked back against his chest, I was nearly off to dreamland when I heard him whisper softly into the room. “I’m here for whatever you and your mama need dustbunny...that’s a promise.” 

__________________________

When I woke the next morning, Paul was still passed out beside me. Gingerly, I slid out of his arms needing first to use the bathroom and then to get some food before the baby decided to protest. After taking care of my bladder needs and slipping on a pair of shorts, I quietly opened the door to the living room wondering if the boys had any food in the kitchen or if they’d eaten out for every single meal since arriving in Vegas. 

Padding softly through the living room around to the little kitchen in the suite, I could hear RA and Grinnell talking softly from over by the patio doors. When I arrived in the kitchen I found a couple of small boxes of cereal as well as a small bottle of milk in the minifridge. Pouring myself a bowl of cereal, I rubbed the remaining sleep from my eyes before moving back to lean against the counter dividing the kitchen and living space while I ate. It was only then that I addressed the crew’s oldest host and our production manager by saying good morning. 

Both quickly returned my greeting but didn’t look over at me right away. However, upon finishing their conversation, they turned to me and it was comical to see the double-take that Mikey did when his eyes saw me. 

“What the fuck is that?” He asked only to be scolded by RA murmuring a ‘dude…’ in his direction. Swallowing the bite of cereal I’d put into my mouth I started laughing at how thrown these two grown men seemed at the sight of a pregnant woman. 

“Um...surprise?” I stated, trying to downplay things in order to not generate a large reaction. 

“Why didn’t Biz fucking tell us he’s gonna be a dad?” Mikey exclaimed, visibly getting worked up and speaking without really thinking about his words. Again RA tried to get him to shut up for a minute but he continued to rant for a moment about how ‘this was a big deal’ and ‘since when did Biz keep secrets like this….’ 

“Michael Grinnell...will you shut up for a minute?” I declared, setting my now empty bowl down on the counter. “Biz didn’t tell you that he’s gonna be a dad because he’s not…” I immediately motioned for him to let me continue but before I could, a voice sounded from my left.

“How far along do you think she is dumbass?” Ryan Whitney chirped as he made his way into the kitchen for his own breakfast. His lack of reaction to what he’d just walked into caught me off guard for a moment before I turned to look at him. 

“How long have you known?” I asked accusatorily.  He at least had the courtesy to look guilty as he mumbled that I probably already knew the answer to that. Carding my fingers through my hair, I sighed and shook my head. “You’ve known as long as Paul has…” I was slightly annoyed by that and it clearly showed on my face causing Whit to backpedal. 

“I didn’t know know…” He explained. “Yes...Biz texted me asking if you being sick the way you were was normal and the suspicion was kind of unspoken. He never actually told me that you were though...it was just pretty obvious when the two of you posted scenic pictures when I knew he was taking you to the doctors’. If it was a bug you would have been in bed resting, long drive implies a distraction and it wasn’t hard to figure out from that, that his suspicions had been right.” I couldn’t really be angry about the fact that he’d deduced it based on information obtained before anyone knew for certain that I was pregnant. “Plus...Biz has been different the past few months and it’s pretty obvious why…” He added, gesturing toward my stomach. 

“So….if Biz isn’t the dad…” Mikey jumped back into the conversation, his expression suggesting that he’d been thinking a little too hard about all of this. Suddenly his eyes went wide. “Oh...shit.” He murmured like it had all hit him at once. Needing to take control of the situation back I placed a hand on my stomach, taking a deep breath. 

“Yes. I’m pregnant. No, we’re not talking about the whole paternity situation. Yes, Paul and evidently Whit have known for a few months. I didn’t tell my parents until last month and I’m not ready to go fully public with an announcement yet which is why I hadn’t said anything. Now, if we can just move on...that would be wonderful.” 

Thankfully Whit was able to distract RA and Grinnell with a discussion of setting up for the interviews they were recording before the awards tonight and I was able to slip back to the bedroom, suddenly feeling like I needed a nap even though I’d just woke up. 

I’d been staring out the window, trying to clear my mind and decide what I wanted to do until I had to start getting ready when a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and I was pulled back into a firm chest. 

“You okay?” Paul asked, his fingers once again rubbing gentle circles over the expanse of my stomach. Leaning into him I nodded and just focused on his touch and soothing presence. 

“The boys know.” I eventually whispered and I could feel him chuckle softly. 

“I mean...I kind of figured...it only takes one look at you like this.” Feeling his lips press against my hair I sighed. “Plus I could hear Grinnell freaking out. Are you okay with the cat being out of the bag so to speak?” Shrugging I sighed but didn’t say anything. I kind of had to be okay, though it did again bring the fear of the world finding out tonight on national tv to the front of my mind. I could only pray that the dress I’d found would do a sufficient job of hiding my growing stomach in the way that a pair of shorts and a clingy tank top couldn’t. 

Spinning me around Paul pulled me into a hug. We stood like that for a few minutes before there was a knock on the bedroom door with RA calling out that Paul needed to get his ass into gear so they could get started. When he pulled back reluctantly, he kissed the top of my head. 

“I’ll be fine...go,” I assured him. “Dustbunny and I are just gonna lay back down for a little while. I’ll set an alarm to wake me in a couple hours so I can start getting ready for tonight.” 

With one more caress of my bump, Paul retreated to the living room to work and I slipped back into bed, pulling his pillow from his side of the bed to cuddle. With sounds of laughter coming from the next room I quickly drifted off to sleep, hoping that I would wake up more excited for the awards than I currently felt. 

No Social Media for this Chapter. 

[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes Part 5 || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Authors Note: I have finally finished my rewrite!!! *Cue happy dance* While previous parts had an hundred words added here, four hundred added there....I basically doubled the length of what this was previously. You can expect multiple fluffy parts and as before I swear Paul will physically be in the next part. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Warnings: none

Word Count: 4,541 (plus all the added image content)

“Will it be easy? Nope. Worth it? Absolutely.” 

The rest of my trip to Arizona was filled with more morning sickness, more tears, and more emotional uncertainty. I had tried sleeping in the guest bedroom again the night after ending up in Paul’s bed after finding out I was pregnant, but it only led to tossing and turning. Just like he’d noticed something was wrong with me being sick, Paul also noticed that I clearly hadn’t slept so after that he’d insisted that I stay in his bed with him so he could hold me, allowing me to actually feel calm enough for sleep to come. 

Though I had initially protested because I was worried it would cross the lines of friends and coworkers, he assured me that his intentions were purely platonic and that he just wanted me to get the sleep my body needed to function and to support the little one growing inside me. My agreement was tentative, but when his actions fully supported his words, I found myself eager to steal as much comfort from his presence and touch as I could. The fact that his body was warm and I had always run cold certainly didn’t hurt either.

I wasn’t ready for my week in Arizona with Paul to come to an end, but the morning of my flight arrived and I found myself reluctantly boarding the plane back east. Returning home meant losing Paul’s physical comfort and support but not once did I lose the emotional, and some days it felt like he was the only thing getting me through. There were nights where I couldn’t fall asleep if I didn’t have his voice speaking softly in my ear. Sometimes it was the podcast or his radio broadcast for Arizona but if I was lucky, he’d call and just talk to me about random things until I would drift off to sleep. While we had texted frequently before I went to Arizona, our conversations were now constant. He was always quick with a supportive pick-me-up or with a joke that never failed to make me smile. At a time where so much was change occurring in my life and my brain was struggling to adapt, he was a constant that steadied me and reminded me that I could handle everything that was coming my way. He had become an unexpected friend, but one that I desperately needed. 

Slowly over the next few weeks, I acclimated to the knowledge that I was expecting a child, that I was going to be a single mother, and I did my best to begin planning for the changes I would need to make. 

One of the first things I needed to do was to see an ob-gyn to make sure that everything was actually going okay with the pregnancy. An appointment soon after arriving home established that I was indeed pregnant, if there had been any doubt left, and I’d gotten to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. 

It was no surprise that I’d cried hearing it and when I sent Paul the little audio clip during our text conversation after the appointment, his response was once again everything I didn’t know that I needed to hear. 

The doctor had a rough guess of my due date based on my hormone levels and what I’d told her about the last time I’d had sex, but I was scheduled for an ultrasound mid-April in order to cement the timeframe for my pregnancy. I knew that I should tell my parents, that keeping this from them was probably a bad idea, but I convinced myself that it wouldn’t hurt to wait until I was certain I was out of the first trimester and that the baby was healthy. Considering that my mother and her cousin had both lost babies at the end of their pregnancies and that none of my mom’s successful pregnancies had been without some complication I felt justified in needing to keep this to myself until the risk of miscarriage decreased. I had shared my concerns with my doctor and with Paul and surprisingly he echoed my doctor’s statements that I was not my mother and that just because she had had complications didn’t mean that I would as well. 

____

Two weeks later, I had my first ultrasound and after leaving the doctor’s office I couldn’t stop staring at the photos. The doctor had assured me that the baby was perfectly healthy and its development was where it should be at 12 weeks along. Pure joy was the predominant emotion of the day and I couldn’t help but want to share that feeling with someone. Since Paul was the only person who knew about the baby aside from my doctor, I couldn’t help but take a picture of my sonogram and text it to him. 

Since he was currently in Toronto and had gone to the Leafs game the night before, I wasn’t expecting a response right away. So when my phone rang only about fifteen minutes after I’d sent the photo and Paul’s picture lit up the screen I couldn’t help but smile. 

“Hey.” I murmured in greeting, setting aside the mail I’d grabbed when I’d gotten home so that I could go curl up on my couch to talk to him. Instead of the greeting I expected on the other end of the line, I instead heard a sharp intake of breath. 

“Wow…that’s…that’s the baby?” He inquired, his tone hinting at wonderment. 

“Yeah, Paul. That’s the little human who has been making me sick for the past month. Pretty cool huh…I can’t stop staring at it.” 

“Yeah..no. I can see why Leigh. So everything’s okay?” He didn’t say it but his tone implied that he knew that I had been worried about the baby’s health and though the doctor had said everything seemed fine weeks ago, visual confirmation was reassuring. 

“Perfect. The baby is healthy, right where they should be development wise. The doctor would like me to get my stress levels down but understands why they’ve been up. Otherwise, I’m healthy too. All is good.” 

“Good. I’m glad. Did you find out your due date?” There was really no way to describe how much I loved that Paul seemed interested in my pregnancy. We were just friends but there was no doubt in my mind that I could go to him about anything and he would listen with no judgment. 

“Yeah. November 5th. Right before the holidays.” It was crazy how fast things seemed to be moving and I was sure that that date would be here before I knew it. 

“That seems so far away but it’s really not.” Again it was like Paul could read my mind and I giggled softly, pressing a palm to my stomach. 

“I know.” Closing my eyes for a moment I yawned softly. “So you’ve been busy in Toronto. Having a good time?” 

Listening to Paul talk about his visit to his parents and his upcoming flight to Vancouver to close on a house made me smile, more occasional yawns escaping my mouth. 

“Hey… you sound tired. Why don’t you and the dustbunny go lay down for a nap?” It took my mind a moment to process that he had just nicknamed the baby and my face crinkled curiously. 

“Dustbunny?” I questioned softly. “Why is my baby a dustbunny Paul?” Teasing affection laced my voice as I waited for an explanation. Though I couldn’t see him, I felt like if I could he would certainly be running his fingers across his scalp with an  embarrassed expression on his face. 

“Are you really going to make me explain my nickname for your child?” He mumbled and I quickly nodded before it processed that he couldn’t see me either. 

“Yes. Yes, I am.” 

“Fine. I don’t know. A Duster…a duster is a guy that sits on the bench a lot collecting dust during games. Which I kind of was.” I could kind of see where he was going with this but kept quiet wanting to see what he’d say. “And you know...I kinda knew about the baby before anyone else so I’m a little attached okay, and so when I started thinking about what I wanted to call the baby that’s what popped into my head and I don’t know...I kinda like it.” 

The fact that he had actually thought about a nickname for the baby instead of just calling it an ‘it’ or ‘baby’ or something like ‘peanut’ made me smile and the fact that what he came up with was attached to him in a way made it even better. It was adorable. 

“That’s really cute. I suppose you can call the baby that and I’m okay with it.” My voice was moist, as it didn’t take too much to make me emotional these days. 

“I’m glad you approve.” He replied, slight sarcasm lingering in the words. “Now go take the dustbunny and lay down for a nap. Doctor says you’re stressing too much so go take it easy. Biz’s orders.” 

“Alright fine. I will. Once I stop staring at the pictures of the baby.” Again if I could see him he would totally be rolling his eyes at me and as I hung up, I couldn’t help but smile at the conversation we’d just had. 

“Guess you’ve got your first nickname little one. You’re a little dustbunny.” 

_______

It was the Thursday before Mother’s Day weekend and I was driving back to my parents’ house because my middle sister was graduating high school on Saturday. Every mile driven was another mile closer to having to tell my parents that I was having a baby. I was already fifteen weeks pregnant and my bump was becoming more and more obvious every day. And now that I was out of the first trimester, my excuse for keeping the news a secret had disappeared. 

But knowing that I had to tell my family, and that it was time didn’t mean that I wasn’t freaking out. Part of me felt silly for being so nervous because yes I was single, but I had a graduate degree and two solid jobs; when my parents had me they had been half a decade younger, unmarried, and had just barely graduated with undergraduate degrees. I was in a much better position than they had been and yet I still worried about what they’d think about the fact that my baby’s father was never going to be in the picture. 

After stopping for lunch and gas, I climbed back into my car and just sat there trying to calm the nerves that were building inside me. Almost like he knew I needed him, my phone rang with Paul’s picture appearing and I answered softly, the hitch in my breath alerting him to my distress as always. There was something about hearing his voice that was immediately calming and I closed my eyes for a moment just listening to him telling me to breathe and counting softly until I was finally able to push away some of the anxiety that was creeping into my mind. Deciding that I was of sound enough mind to start driving again, I put Paul on speaker through my car’s sound system. 

“So hey…” Paul started, his tone changing a bit from consoling me to trying to provide a distraction so that I didn’t end up drowning in my own mind again. “I was bored on my flight to Vancouver yesterday and I ended up googling some stuff you’ll find pretty cool. Dustbunny is currently the size of a pear. That’s still pretty fucking tiny but I know he or she still has lots of time to keep growing.” I had an app on my phone that told me this kind of thing every week but his attempt at distraction was working and I was amused by the fact that he had researched this of all things on his flight yesterday. 

“Dustbunny also has see-through skin which is weird but awesome and it’s made even cooler by the fact that he or she finally has bones that are becoming hard and can be seen on xray.” The awe that laced Paul’s voice had my smile widening and I couldn’t help but think that even though my baby didn’t have a dad, they had an awesome Uncle Paul and that made him or her pretty lucky. 

“Also...dustbunny’s ears and eyes are finally almost where they should be on his or her head which is good because otherwise I’d have to beat up a bunch of kids for teasing them and I figure that’s probably frowned upon.” He was so matter of fact with the statement of protection that I felt a chuckle slipping from my throat and when he spoke again it was obvious he’d heard it and was now smiling. “And you haven’t mentioned feeling the baby yet, but I read that little dustbunny is moving around in there like crazy, kicking and moving his or her arms and legs, practicing so that he or she can become an awesome hockey player like their favorite uncle.” 

It was then that Paul transitioned from what he’d read about the baby’s development to all of the things he wanted to teach them when they finally arrived. The conversation between the two of us continued…well he did most of the talking and I mostly listened...until I was pulling off the exit ramp in my hometown. Paul must have realized I was almost home when I cracked the windows for a bit of fresh air now that I was on back roads because he stopped mid-sentence and spoke my name softly. 

“Hey...just so you know, it’s all gonna be fine. I know you’re nervous but your parents love you and they’re gonna have your back. Plus you’ve said you’re fairly sure your sisters are going to be excited so if nothing else, just focus on that.” He declared and I took a deep breath, nodding to myself. “And you know you can call me whenever. I’m just a few taps on a screen away.” 

________

Upon arriving home, my middle sister, Amanda, let me inside pulling me into a hug and we spent the rest of the afternoon talking about her plans now that she was finally done with her primary education. Shortly after, my baby sister Taylor, and mom arrived home and when I hugged the latter I prayed that she wouldn’t notice the baby bump sticking from my front. With so much to prepare before more family drove out tomorrow, the four of us set to work in the kitchen, preparing as much of the food for the weekend as we could ahead of time. 

As long as I kept myself busy, it was easy to pretend that I wasn’t about to drop a bombshell on my family. But eventually my dad arrived home from work and we sat down in the living room to eat dinner and watch whatever game show was on tv. I knew that I needed to eat but now that I had stopped moving my stomach was flopping back and forth with nerves. As they all wrapped up eating, I set my still half-full plate aside and bit my lip for a moment. 

“Can I talk to you guys about something for a minute?” I found that as soon as the words came out in a whisper that I had the full attention of everyone else in the room. With my mom looking to my dad to mute the TV, she murmured that of course I could and instantly all the feelings I had bottled up caused tears to prick at my eyes. 

“So um ...your first grandbaby slash niece or nephew is going to be here by Thanksgiving this year.” The silence was overwhelming and I found myself unable to meet the gaze of anyone in the room. 

“Are you pregnant?” It was Taylor that asked the million dollar question and when I simply nodded she squealed before dashing around the couch to hug me. Neither of my parents said a word for a long moment and I swallowed hard awaiting their reaction. 

“How?” The question that left my mom’s mouth wasn’t the most appropriate one because I knew that she obviously knew the answer to that, otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here. When further questions of ‘how far along I was’ and ‘where was the father’ came forth I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, one hand falling to my stomach. 

“I’m fifteen weeks...and he’s not in the picture.” Though my mother masked her anger well, I could tell that she was upset so after taking a sip of water to clear my throat I continued. “I...I didn’t know how to tell you. I….I didn’t take the news so well myself at first and by the time I adjusted I had myself so worked up over everything that I decided to wait until I was out of the first trimester before I told anyone.” By this point, Amanda had shifted across the couch and was rubbing my back gently as I attempted to explain myself.

“But the baby and I are healthy. And we’re gonna be okay. I just hope you guys can support me through this because I really need you.” Wrapped in the arms of both my sisters, I let myself cry for a moment. I had counted on them being the fastest to adapt because I was their big sister and not viewed in the same light as I was by my parents. “As for baby’s dad...I’ll be honest with you. The story the world is going to hear is that he was a one night stand and I don’t know who he is; because that’s just easier. The truth...the truth is that we were together for eight months before he broke up with me and I have no plans on telling him about the baby. I know you might think that’s wrong but shortly after he ended things I found out that he’d been cheating on his long-time girlfriend with me and that they’re now married. I am not putting my baby through the hassle of a split home and custody issues when I can do this by myself. He did nothing but lie to me and I don’t want my baby around him.” 

Finishing my spiel, I realized that my father was no longer in the room and I held my breath trying not to assume the worst from that fact. My mother was silent before eventually coming over, pulling me to my feet, and giving me a hug. 

“You’re gonna be a great mom sweetheart. I’ve never had any doubts about that.” That validation from her was exactly what I needed and I sunk into her embrace feeling more of the tension I’d been holding in leave. “I just wish you hadn’t waited so long to tell me...I hate that you’ve been dealing with this on your own for months.” After a moment, I pulled back just a bit and sighed. 

“I uh...technically there’s one person that knows besides my doctor. I was visiting one of my coworkers and he’s actually the one that figured out I was pregnant. So he knows and has talked me down from the ledge a few times, he’s been a really good friend.” Surprisingly, my mother seemed okay with that and just held me close for a few minutes, her fingers carding through my hair drawing most of the remaining tension from my body. Eventually though, Taylor spoke up again, her tone full of excitement. 

“Well..do you have any pictures of the baby?” She asked and I found myself laughing at her eagerness as I nodded. 

“Of course I do. I also have a recording of the baby’s heartbeat.” From the moment I played the audio for the first time and pulled up the set of ultrasound pictures on my phone I knew that at least most of my family was on my side. Showing off my growing baby bump and hearing their reactions as to how cute it was lifted my spirits even further. 

It wasn’t until I stepped into the kitchen a little while later to get more water that I truly got my father’s reaction. Part of me was surprised when he tapped my shoulder before wrapping me in another hug where he mumbled that he loves me and was there for whatever I needed. Overall, the conversation with my parents and sisters had gone for the most part how I’d expected and hoped that it would. Unsurprisingly, there was a bit of disappointment at the situation, but once everyone got past that initial reaction it was clear that I had their support and that this baby was going to be very loved. As I snuggled up on the sofa bed to sleep that night, I texted Paul just to let him know that everything was okay and to thank him for earlier. 

______

The arrival of extended family for Amanda’s graduation made me nervous. It was another group of people I needed to tell that I was expecting and another group of people whose reactions I wasn’t certain of. Unsure of how to break the news and wanting the weekend to be about my sister, I kept quiet both Friday and Saturday, just enjoying the time I had with my family. 

On Sunday morning, my mom was hosting a big brunch for everyone to celebrate my sister’s graduation as well as Mother’s Day. Getting up early, I hopped in the shower before getting dressed in a pair of shorts and a flowy blouse which would once again hide my bump. My grandmother was already in the kitchen with my mom while Taylor and my dad set up the backyard so that there was room for people to sit. It wasn’t more than two minutes after I’d stepped into the kitchen offering to help that Amanda came into the room carrying a bouquet of flowers. 

The flowers took me by surprise because my mom already had the bouquet from my dad in a vase on the counter, so I wasn’t sure where these came from or who they were for. After all, the house was going to be full of women today who were moms and could be getting flowers delivered. Setting the flowers down, Amanda handed me the card that was inside them and seeing my name on the front of the envelope I opened it, slipping the card out. 

Inside the card was a slip of paper which listed the flowers as anemones and explained that they represented anticipation and protection. 

Reading the card to myself twice I couldn’t help but start crying, the gesture meaning more than I could explain. The flowers were absolutely perfect and the fact that he sent something so fitting sent a chill down my spine. Amanda sent me a smile as I excused myself for a moment, needing to pull myself together. 

By the time I’d returned to the kitchen, card securely tucked into my pocket, more of my family had arrived and were chatting in the kitchen. Pouring myself a glass of orange juice I listened as my aunt commented on the flowers and how different and pretty they were to my mother, believing they had been sent for her. 

Quickly my mother pointed out her own mother’s day bouquet and my aunt then questioned whether they had been delivered for Amanda’s graduation. When my sister shook her head everyone looked around curiously and after a nod of encouragement from both my mom and sister I spoke up. 

“They were delivered for me.” I explained, a soft blush gracing my cheeks. “A friend sent them for Mother's Day,” I added, watching as everyone’s faces started to shift processing the implications of my words. 

“You’re pregnant?” It was a family friend who was like an aunt to me that asked the question, and the excitement in her tone forced a beaming smile onto my face. 

“Yeah. I’m pregnant.” I admitted causing the room to burst with a mixture of excitement, disbelief, and concern. Accepting some hugs I tried not to let my emotions become too much. Addressing the more reserved members of my family I spoke as confidently as I could manage. 

“This wasn’t planned and no the father isn’t in the picture. But that’s okay, I’ve made my peace with it and I know it won’t be easy, trust me it has been anything but so far, but I’m excited, I already love this baby so much.” 

After a moment, the rest of my family seemed to come to terms with the announcement and I was pulled into more hugs, causing me to tear up while laughing to myself softly. 

My grandmother was the first to ask if I had any pictures. Nodding, I smiled and opened my phone to show off my baby’s first ultrasound photos. Everyone wanted to know how far along I was and seemed shocked when I admitted that I was almost sixteen weeks along. 

After about fifteen minutes of baby talk, it was my cousin that moved the conversation back to the flowers in a way, asking about who had sent them. 

“Just a friend and one of the guys I work on the podcast with.” I stated softly. I knew that everyone would wonder how many people knew before they did and so I answered the question before it was asked. “He’s the only one besides the people in this house that knows. He was with me when I found out. Actually, he suspected that I was pregnant and insisted on taking me to the doctor. He’s kept me from losing my mind as I processed the news.” 

“And the card?” Laughing, I pulled the card from my pocket, reading it aloud. Everyone was impressed by the fact that he even put the effort in to pick out something beyond the standard carnation and when I explained what the flowers were supposed to mean they ‘awe’d’ commenting on how fitting that was. As expected the next question was about the term dustbunny and I shook my head declaring that there wasn’t really an explanation for it other than that it was hockey lingo that he’d adapted into a nickname for the baby. I mentioned that it was something I loved because it was different and personal and unique to my baby given to it by someone who had been in our corner from the start. 

Now that the news was out there, I couldn’t help but feel relieved that my baby was no longer a secret. It was the perfect way to spend my first Mother's Day and I couldn’t help but be grateful that Paul made it so easy to share the news by providing a natural transition into the subject. 

Somehow he made everything easier and I was so grateful to have him in my life. 

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[hockeylvr59]

Life Changes || Paul Bissonnette

Summary: It’s crazy how quickly your life can change...one minute you’re a struggling personal injury lawyer and the next you’re working for one of the hottest sports podcasts to supplement your income. A new job and the end of a long-term relationship was just the beginning for Leigh Thompson when it comes to life changes. Thankfully she has the one and only Paul Bissonnette at her side to help her handle them all. 

Authors Note: Rewriting my Biz series with an OC so that I can give it a little bit more depth and write out the things that popped into my head but seemed too specific for a y/n imagine. In addition to updating the chapters I’m adding in all the social media content [located at end] (which is super labor intensive) so I hope you enjoy it. Note in this world, Spittin Chiclets has separated from Barstool Sports. 

Warnings: like one swear word     Requested: [ ] yes [x] no     Word Count: 2,033

___________________________________________________________

“Great things never came from comfort zones.”

My head was in my phone as I read my daily motivational email while stepping off the plane in Boston. In a way, it almost seemed as if the writers knew exactly what it was that I needed to hear. Because this…this was the exact opposite of my comfort zone. Managing the business operations and events schedule for a popular hockey podcast was not what I’d imagined doing with my law degree.

But I wanted to start up my own practice, a practice in which I only got paid if I could find clients and win their cases. So far, that wasn’t going so well as far as paying the bills was concerned. So when a fellow lawyer had gotten me an interview for this part-time gig, I couldn’t turn it down. It seemed like something fun and different and I’d just been dumped because my ex had ‘met someone else’ so I really had nothing to lose.

Now, two weeks after I’d started work, I was arriving in Boston to meet the hosts of the podcast and their producer in person. Of course, the trip was also for a meeting for a sponsorship deal but I was trying not to think about that because it would be my first big test as their business manager and I didn’t want to fuck it up.

It was a Wednesday and the guys were in the process of recording the podcast when my flight was scheduled to arrive so I hailed a cab and checked myself into the hotel. They’d already made plans for us to go out tonight. Clubs were not my thing but again, “comfort zones.” After hanging my suit up for the next day’s meeting, I climbed onto the hotel bed to work on writing a complaint for my newest client’s case. Hopefully, the whole thing wouldn’t go much farther than that and we could reach a settlement but right now the insurance company wasn’t cooperating, so this was the next step in the process. By the time I finished, it was time to eat and then get ready to go out and so I ordered dinner and ate while watching something random on tv.

Around seven, I pulled out the clothes I’d brought for tonight, a red sparkly tank and dark jeans with a black leather jacket and red flats. Yes, I was going to be dwarfed by these men but heels weren’t my thing either and I’d rather not trip and fall and embarrass myself in front of them. I’d talked with each of them on the phone a few times but this was the first time I was meeting any of them in person and so my anxiety was high.

Quickly doing my hair and makeup, I grabbed my phone, wallet, and hotel key and stepped out into the hall. The five of us were meeting in the lobby at eight and it was already about ten til. When I stepped out of the elevator into the lobby, I looked around but didn’t spot any of the guys I was meeting. Well, at least I wasn’t late.

Leaning against one of the pillars in the lobby I checked social media on my phone once more, Snapchatting my sister like I did every night so my mother knew I was alive. Looking up from my phone after snapping a picture of the lobby, I spotted Ryan Whitney looking around. Waving just a bit, I smiled when he nodded and approached, quickly introducing himself. It wasn’t like I didn’t know who he was, I’d watched him play for the Penguins when I was still just a teenager, but the familiarity of the introductory process helped put me at ease.

“How long have you been down here?” He asked hands shoved into his pockets. 

“About five minutes,” I responded with a small shrug and after a moment he nodded, seemingly impressed. “Hey, when I’m supposed to be somewhere by a certain time I make sure I am. I hate being late. I am not one of those women that are never ready on time.”

“Teach that to my wife please.” He declared his tone light and teasing. When another man approached calling Whitney’s name, I glanced over my shoulder and mentally cataloged the man as Mike Grinnell, the show’s producer. Of all of the men I was now working with, he was the closest to me in age. After he greeted Ryan Whitney he turned his attention to me.

“You must be Leigh. Nice to finally put a face to the name.”

“I would say the same but I grew up in Pittsburgh and I’ve followed the show for a while so I think I have faces down.” I tried to keep my comment as light as possible while reaching out a hand to shake his. Tonight was either going to go well or be really awkward and I was silently praying for the former. Thankfully, before the current situation could get awkward, the other two members of your group, RA and Paul Bissonnette made their way into the lobby. Introductions with them were brief because they were all eager to get an uber and head out to the lounge they’d picked.

During the car ride, the guys pretty much conversed among themselves so I took the time to observe their personalities when there was no reason to front and they were just being themselves. Stepping into the lounge was like entering another world and the five of us quickly made our way to an empty table. Settling into the booth, I looked around, taking in how the level of the music was quiet enough that I could actually hear myself think and how it was crowded but not overly so.

Whitney offered to buy the first round of drinks and when I asked for water they all looked at me like I was crazy.

“What? I’m thirsty. I haven’t had anything to drink all day because I got caught up in work. Last I checked alcohol doesn’t really help with hydration. Plus I’m just not a big drinker…” I did drink socially but I’d never been drunk and I was already worried about making a fool of myself. Alcohol certainly wouldn’t make me any less self-conscious. Actually, it would probably make me make a bigger fool of myself. Thankfully the guys decided to pick their battles and didn’t pressure me and when Whitney handed me a bottle of water I thanked him before taking a sip.

Once the guys had drinks, it didn’t take long before they started asking me a million questions. I’d known this was coming, after all, I was the newbie to the group and if I was going to be working closely with them it was probably best that they get to know me. At the beginning the questions were mild, asking about my schooling and aspirations practicing law. I explained what had caused me to go back to school for my law degree and how my business management degree hadn’t exactly paid off the way I had planned. When I told them about my time working for my undergraduate university’s athletic communications office, and spending a semester as an events marketing intern for the Steelers, it was clear that they were a little thrown off by the extent of my background in sports but that they were impressed at the same time.

Of course, after that, it was unsurprising when a bunch of hockey guys and former hockey players transitioned into talking hockey like they hadn’t just done it for hours earlier in the day. It was also unsurprising, at least to me, when as a lifelong hockey fan I threw my own opinions into the mix. I’d been attending Penguins games since I was three or four years old thanks to my dad’s company seats and hockey had gotten me through some tough times, including law school. That led to the good-natured teasing from the guys about which players I found attractive and after insisting that we’d be there all night if they really wanted to know I smirked and made my way to the bar for another bottle of water. While I was a fan of the game for many reasons that didn’t have to do with player attractiveness, I also wasn’t blind. 

When the sports conversation ended upon my return to the table, the more prying questions began. I refused to answer anything that made me completely uncomfortable, but I was forced to explain how I had just gotten out of an eight-month relationship and how my ex had been a total jerk about it. Even surrounded by men, there was sympathy as to the fact that he’d just shown up at my door and ended things. No fanfare. No signal that it had been coming. It had been a long-distance relationship but it had seemed like things were going well and then it was just over. It sucked because he was the first man I’d truly had feelings for and it felt like I’d wasted eight months of my life, but the wounds weren’t quite so fresh a few weeks later and ultimately I was going to be okay.

Around 11 o’clock, I felt the fatigue of the flight and the exhaustion from being social starting to take over so I decided to head back to the hotel. It didn’t seem like the guys were ready to leave yet but I was confident enough to call myself an uber. Sliding out of the booth I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

“Not to be even more of a spoilsport but I think I’m going to call an uber back to the hotel. We’ve got the meeting in the morning and I’m exhausted.” RA, Whitney, and Grinnell just nodded and murmured goodnight. When I turned to say goodnight to Biz, I found him sliding out after me and shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I’m gonna head out too.” He declared.

“You don’t have to…I’ll be fine on my own. I’m a big girl.” I insisted worried that he felt obligated to cut his night short in order to protect me. 

“I’m not saying you aren’t or that you can’t. But I’m ready to go to bed too so we might as well share an uber.” Throwing my hands up in a gesture that said ‘fine whatever,’ I finished ordering the ride before stepping out of the lounge and onto the sidewalk. In the cold March Boston air, I couldn’t help but yawn, running my fingers through my hair. It was definitely time to get back to the hotel, take the makeup off, change into pajamas and just chill.

The ride back was quiet, the two of us focused on our own phones. I’d gained the entire crew as Instagram followers tonight and to ebb the confusion of anyone paying attention I added my new job title to my Instagram bio before posting a picture I’d taken tonight. I could feel Biz’s eyes on me on and off and when we got back to the hotel, he reached out a hand to help me out of the uber.

“Aren’t you going to follow me back?” He asked while the two of us were waiting for the elevator.

“Only if I unfollow you just to follow you again...” I declared biting back a laugh when he looked down at me slightly confused. “Is it really that shocking that I would have followed you before tonight?” A soft ‘guess not’ left his mouth and I rolled my eyes before stepping onto the elevator and pressing the button for my floor. He was one above me and so when the elevator stopped I murmured a ‘goodnight’ before quietly making my way back to my room. 

After changing, I settled into bed and set my alarms for the morning before turning the bedside light out to go to sleep. In spite of my fears, tonight had gone pretty well and I actually had fun hanging with those guys. This job was looking to be a change for the better.

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