#source: no fuckin idea it’s like 2 am I ain’t searching that shit up

[incor-ecryo]

Den: If you guys were ice cream flavours what flavour would you be?

Chilly: Vanilla

Ivan: Vannila? You basic bitch, I’d be pistachio

Den: Cause no one likes you?

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Mount Everest Ain’t Got Shit On Us (Fezco x fem!reader, Part 16.) - The Final Problem, Part 2.

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like a scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: Inspired by Formula and Nate Growing Up by Labrinth, composed for Euphoria's original soundtrack.

Warnings: PCP usage, sexual harassment, murder, non-depicted death, violence, gun usage

Word count: 2 K

Read the rest here, babe:  PART 1  PART 2  PART 3  PART 4  PART 5  PART 6  PART 7  PART 8  PART 9  PART 10  PART 11  PART 12  PART 13  PART 14  PART 15

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Tagging: @charmed-asylum, @jeyramarie, @pantherxrogers, @analia-analia-analia​

Before you do anything bad for the first time, there's that... Feeling. That sick feeling in your stomach which you can feel, but you can't name.

You know. That feeling before you push your cat with its tail. When you puke in your toilette the first time because you drank for the first time. Before you lit up your first cigarette. Before you take the first pill.

It's anticipation mixed with pure fear of the unknown. That's what it is.

And you never had that feeling before going to Fezco's. You never did - it was always the same neighborhood, same people around and your smiley face who opened up the door. But that night was not only freezing your ass.

That night was different. You could feel it in your bones. It was the car you didn't know in front of his door. You watched it with a frown. You didn't know that car.

Could it be another lady who was visiting your boyfriend? That's why he told you that he can't meet you that night under your window? Bullshit. Fezco wasn't capable of having such a big secret hidden away from you. His soul was too pure for that. But... Who was it then?

You didn't know what to do, so you only sat on your bike, watching his door with an open mouth. You felt like you should turn around on your bike, ride to Rue's and please Leslie if you can have a sleepover. No, you couldn't do that either. Your temple was bleeding and Leslie would ask.

You couldn't tell on Fran to Leslie; she would tell your ma and the hell would start again for Fran.

Jules's house. Yeah. That was probably the right choice. Sneak through the back door to her room. She wouldn't be mad at all, you knew that.

But before you could make a move, you felt as your feet froze as the door to Fezco's apartment slowly opened up. It felt like knocking on hell’s door.

At the moment when your eyes made contact, yours and Fezco's, you could see immediate pain and fear. And you started to freeze down even more. He was shaking his head and mouthed breathless and voiceless 'no'. You didn't have any idea what should you do.

It was two men coming out of his apartment. One with tattoos all over his ugly face, the second one was young with something that could be barely called a beard. Your mind connected two dots immediately - it was the seller. Mouse, as Fez and Ash called him. And then Mouse's eyes fell directly on you, sitting on the bike in the middle of the fucking street without having anything to say or do.

Fez could see your temple bleeding, the blood slowly dropping on your cheeks and then the grey sweatshirt and he knew something must've happened to you - because otherwise, you would respect his wish to be alone. But that situation happening around was just fucked up. Ultimately.

"Oh, bro who dat?" - Mouse asked you with a smile. Jesus, that man was just disgusting when he threw a smile at you. You were not far away from puking at any given moment. But you didn't puke - your body was just still frozen down. - "Sweetcheeks. Girl, ya know 'em?" - He asked. Fez was just shaking his head harder at that moment.

But your body almost automatically nodded.

"Looks like I have to be 'ere longer for sweetcheeks, Fezzy." - He laughed and pointed at you. - "Came 'ere. We'll give yo somethin' warm to drink, right, boyos?" - Mouse laughed in a devilish matter. 

“Nah. I'm... I'm good. Thank you, kind mister. I will just go home, I just needed to ask something. It can wait.” - You took a firm hold on your bike. Fezco knew that since Mouse has seen you, he won't let you go so easily. Mouse was a psycho when it came to young girls.

Fez still remembered how did Mouse act around with Rue, but he was seriously worried about this time. Because that was a seriously fucked up situation.

“Oh, sweetcheeks. Happiness can’t fuckin’ wait. Come ’ere, we will give yo some.” - He waved his hand at you, so you slowly walked to the door, locking your bike on the terrace. 

Mouse had heard about you - he knew you were Fezco’s girlfriend and he even knew heard that sometimes, you help your boyfriend with delivery service. Nobody knew who told on you - but everybody seemed to be aware. Which was terrifying the fuck out of you.

When you entered the door, Mouse put his hand over you and the only thing you did against it was locking your gaze with Fezco. Your eyes were almost empty, terrified and dead.

“Can you... Um... Lend me something? I'm pretty cold.” - You asked Fezco and he looked at Mouse. It was an unsaid question. You needed that you need to ask as calmly as you could until you could cry in Fezco’s arms. Just as you did at your parent’s house when you find out about his source of money. Mouse agreed with a nod, smacking your ass and laughing out loud.

You froze for a second, but then you ran after Fezco into his room, behind some closed door.

“Yo need to be calm and do as I tell ya, ok?” - Fezco whispered and slowly put his rainbow sweatshirt onto your chest. - “I don't ask ya to. Ya need to listen to me. Or we’re all dead.” 

“I didn't mean to...” - You took his cheek to your palm, but Fezco was too nervous to even look at you straight. He didn't want to kiss you when his stomach was about to puke. - “I didn't mean to fuck this up, but Fran pushed me on a fucking cabinet and I didn't know where else I should go. I fucking freaked out.” 

“We’ll talk when da fucker is gone.” - Fezco answered and left you all alone. So you put his sweatshirt over your head. He was seriously mad at you - and you could tell that he’s scared. For you or of Mouse? You couldn't tell. But one thing was for sure.

His, Ashe’s and your lives fere threatened by that man in his living room. 

When you slowly entered the room, they were in the living room - Fezco and Ash sat on the old sofa where you had first slept and Mouse and his friend were on the opposite one. They weren't talking - they were just watching each other and there was a strong tension in the air.

“I think yo can go now, Custer. Make some space for da youn’ sweetcheeks.” - Mouse smiled at his friend. The only thing you could contrate on was your raising heartbeat and dizziness spinning your head. You looked at Fezco, but he was too occupied watching Custer. - “I think that da little one should go too, Fez. Let adults have some fun, am I right?” - He sat up and lit up a cigarette, offering you one as well. You carefully took one and let him lit up it as well since Fez didn't even look at you.

He was all sweaty as his blue eyes watched Custer standing up. Ash looked at Fez with a frown, but Fez nodded and Ash left - he knew where should he hide and wait if the shit goes down. But Custer had left the flat completely and only three of you were sitting in the living room.

Fezco was sweating the living hell out of him at that point, looking at you. Mouse basically let you sit halfway on the couch and halfway on his lap. You were ready to throw up any minute. As you smoked slowly, you closed your eyes and wished for it to end.

Your boyfriend’s eyes didn't leave Mouse’s hand smoothing your upper thigh up and down, teasing him to snap. But you two knew really well how to act cool when the shit around you was going down. 

“How do ya do dat, hm?” - Mouse asked Fez and smelled the right side of your neck.

“Do what?” - Fezco answered back, playing with his knuckles nervously.

“Ya have such nice chicks around. Youn’, beautiful play toys. First dat girl with messy hair, now sweetcheeks... How?” - Mouse laid back, leaving his palm on your upper thigh, marking you as his property. That was riding Fezco wild. 

 “They are a family. Not toys.” - Fezco mumbled. The blood was boiling inside of him, but your eye contact was telling him that he has to stay calm. That you love him and that you trust him with everything you have. 

“Tell whatever ya want.” - Mouse chuckled wickedly and searched his pockets. - “I promised you happiness, didn't I?” - He told when you looked at the small plastic bag in his hand. Oh, you did know what it was - the drugs Fezco sometimes bought when you were over at his place. Those hallucinogens.

“I think I'm good. Thank you.” - You smiled politely and tapped the cigarette out. But no wasn't an answer for Mouse. He caught your upper arms tightly, his grip was hurting you so much that you almost started to cry.

“I think yo want to enjoy a bit, sweetcheeks. Yo boyfriend won't let ya?” - Mouse looked at Fezco and slowly leaned to your ear. You closed your eyes firmly and prayed for him letting you go. You didn't want any of it. Then you slowly opened up your eyes and Fezco wasn't even breathing at the moment. You haven't any idea of what you should do next. 

So you took it. 

And it was the biggest mistake you have ever done in your life. 

It was extremely fast as you slipped down to the world of fuckery, that shit was too strong for a non-addict. And both Mouse and Fezco knew it. But at that moment, Fez failed with protecting you. Your mood wasn't good - so the trip could be barely good either.

You saw some scary bullshit just after a few minutes, you got up, held your head, cried and tried to run away. Huge spiders were coming after you, the floor was slippery under your feet and it was cracking, falling apart. You cried and begged Fezco to help, not having a single idea of what is happening.

A sharp sound muttered your cries as you watched a dead body falling next to you. You saw as the blood was slowly dripping onto the carpet below it and screamed because you felt as your body is slowly being covered in that hot, weird something. 

Somebody tried to catch you, to stop you, but you cried out loudly and gripped the door, running away into the freezing night. Somebody was calling out your name, but you heard as if you were under the surface of the water. And you didn't stop until you knew that Mouse is not going to follow you there and until you couldn't hear it anymore. 

Your drugged body slowly connected the two dots after a long night - somebody was shot at Fezco’s apartment. There was a fucking dead body. And you felt as your heart dropped, as you fell on your knees and cried even louder than before.

It was Fezco. Fezco was shot down. So you ran further and further away, at least you thought you that you are running even if you were crawling in the mud, slamming and slashing into the buildings, falling down on your knees. 

You were running away from all of it - those crazy fucking spiders who after you, from the blood covering your hands, arms and legs, slowly drowning you down, you just ran.

But you were afraid that you won't be able to make it at all.

[deasodayung]

In•Tui•Tion

- To Go In To Urself Thru Ur Sight; Fire Is To Shine/Reflect Out Thru Ur Sight; Fire

Aka Move The Fuckin World Out Ur Way & Quit Playing With Urself As If U Can’t When U Know U More Than Capable

*(Creation/Birthing Or Portal; Eye Opening/Closing)

*(How The Ability To Travel Beyond Aspects/Parameters Is Created/Birthed)

*(Utilizing The Element Of Fire; Imagination/Creativity/Birth To Create A Matter Or Matters & Wield Them Into Existence In Some Way, Shape Or Form For Ur Utilization Purposes As A Spirit Aka Awareness Created By (U) The Spirit Thru Becoming Aware Of Urself Or A Point Of Reference In/From A New Light (Way/Angle) For The First Time That U Either Choose To (A) Receive/Believe In (External To Internal) Or (B) Express What U Create & Give Life To (Internal To External) That Can Become Dense (Heavy On Ur Mind/Heart/Being, “Real” To U) Dependent On Ur Attachment To (A) The Matter Via The Desire/Passion/Will/Intention/Purpose U As An Individual Spirit; A Soul Created The Possibility/Chance Of To Experience, As (A) No Thing (A Spirit), The Existence(s) Of Becoming Some Thing.

Intuition Is Ur Ability To See Beyond The Current Standings Of Ur Current Situation/Circumstance Externally Reflected By U Thru Ur Position(ing) Internally By Default Making U The Creator/Author, If U Ain’t Know Already, Of Ur Own Existence Aka MAKING (A) The Existence(s) U Create A Reality/Destiny/Fate That Can Become A Reality Outside Of U Or Remain A Fantasy U Can Only In Vision If U Don’t Apply Effort (Take Action) Towards Ur Visions (The Spark U Create IN That Is Ur Vision Or Way/Sense Of Sight Or Direction).

U Choose To Exist Thru Ur Will First & Far-Most, Therefore The Beginning Of The Creating/Birthing Of Existence(s); Wills To Exist/Live Thru Ur Creations/Forms/Existences/Beings/Awarenesses (Light; Angles Becoming Lite; Heavy “Real” To U) Is Initiated By U In Order For U As The Spirit (Shapeless & Formless) To Experience The Endless Possibilities Of Experiencing/Being Within New Forms Of Existence/Space/Awareness/Being.

Ur Esoteric GPS Aka Ur Internal Sense Of Direction Is For Ur Author & Illustrator Ships Alone. ONLY ONLY ONLY For The Sake Of Ur Guidance In Direction As Well As Approval Of Direction & Guidance Regarding What Ever Horizon U Choose To Set Sail (Go/Become) Towards Or Set Loose (Let Go Of/Transform) Towards. KEEP THOSE WHO REFUSE TO SEE VALUE IN DEVELOPING (A) THE SPIRITUAL UNDERSTANDING IT TAKES TO DEVELOP IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND THAT OF THEMSELVES SPIRITUALLY... OUTSIDE OUTSIDE OUTSIDE The Reach(es); Standing(s) Of Ur ESOGPS Aka Ur Internally Personalized GPS Personalized By The Rights Of U, The Author/Creator.

U ALWAYS Go In First To Make/Create/Give Birth To Any New Forms Or Forms Of New Anything... Such As Fulfillments/Satisfactions/Desires/Passions/Senses/Wills (Lights; Angles That Have Became Lite; Dense, Heavy, “Real” To U) That Can Manifest Into A Plethora Of Possibilities U As A Spirit Can Experience The Existence(s) Of & Thru Dedication To Ur Spirtual Practices U Can Learn To Tap Into Ur Own Ability To Create Endless Possibilities For Ur Self As A Spirit That Externally Represent U On Behalf Of How U Externalize/Express The Selves/Awareness From Ur Internal, Out Into The Astral/Exoteric/External Realm Where Ur Formless Substances Begin To Take Shape & Form Outside Of U Via The Nature Of How U Project/Express/Represent Ur Self As The Individual U Believe Ur Self To Be In/At That Very Moment.

There Is No & Has Never Been A Such Thing As Going Outside Of U First In Search/Hope Of Making/Creating/Giving Birth To Any New Forms Of Something That Was ALREADY There Before Ur Arrival (Awareness Of (A) “It”)... Such As Fulfillments/Satisfactions/Passions/Desires/Senses (Lights; Angles That Became Lite; Dense, Heavy, “Real” To U) That U Did Not Help To Create/Make/Give Birth To But Instead Had To LEARN Aka Receive/Believe In That Substance First In Order To Tune Into Ur Power To Create... Aka UNLESS U Have Internalized/Understood Ur Self Enough In Ur Own Space Before Getting Lost In (A) The Space U Are In (Aka Know Urself Enough First/Spend Enough Time In Ur U, Ur I AM Or I AM Not Bodies Of Awareness To Know What U Is & Ain’t) Then U Make Being Ur Individual Self In That Or Ur Own Space A Lot Harder When It Comes To Knowing How To Create Any New Kinds Or Forms Of Fulfillment/Satisfaction/Desire/Passion/Sense/Will (Light; Angles That Became Lite; Dense, Heavy, “Real” To U) To Make Use Of For Ur Self & Benefit In Order To Experience New Possibilities In That Or Ur Own Space Resembling This, That Or Those New Kinds Of Fulfillments/Satisfactions/Passions/Desires/Senses/Wills (Lights; Angles That Became Lite; Dense, Heavy, “Real” To U) Present Thru The Shapes & Forms Formless Substances Take The Shape & Form Of When We Make The Sub-Conscious; Internal Effort To Express/Externalize/Project Our In Outside Of Us To Be Received/Believed In By Another Or Into The All Together/Astral/EXOteric/External Realm Or World Outside Of Us As A Influence/Reflection To Give Off/Push Out In/Thru Our Fire; Image.

Intuition Is Correlated To The Yang Or The Externalizing Aspect/Quality Of The Yin; Internal Portion Of The Yin; Internal & Yang; External Body Signifying The Ability To Create New Sources Of Light; Angles, New Ways Of Direction In The Internal (ESOTERIC) Realm Or The Realm That Exist But Is Unseen/Unknown To The Physical Eye; The Space Where U Create/Give Birth To Existence(s) Thru Ur Fire; Ur Development Of Sight ThrU Receiving/Believing Light In, To Create (A) New Senses Of Direction & Reflect Those Lights/Angles/Senses/Awarenesses Of Direction Out Thru Ur Individual Lense Or Perspective Point Aka From The Unseen Space U Are In As A Individual Spirit; As Soul, Internalize The Visions, Enlightenments, Ideas, Imaginations, Images, Creativity, Intuitions, Insights U Create/Give Birth To, Within First... Then Reflect/Externalize Out To Be Received/Believed In By (Into The Temple/Home/Center/Heart Space Of) Another.

Becoming Aware For The First Time Is The Creation/Birthing Of A Desire/Passion/Will To Experience The Endless Possibilities Of Being/Existing/Existence(s); Becoming Something Thru Many Forms Of Existence(s)/Existing U Pick Up (Learn) Outside Of (U) In Order To Learn How To Create For Urself A Self/Awareness/Space/Body Unique, Original, Efficient & Sustainable Enough For U When Traveling In The ESOteric; Internal/Unseen Realm Or The Astral; EXOteric/External/Seen Realm (A World Of Focusing Ur Ability To Give Attention/Life Outward); The Realm Where The Perceptions We Create Internally Becomes The Shit We Perceive As “Sight”, “Seeing”, “Feeling”, “Touch”, “Taste”, “Smell”, “Hearing”, “5.6.7 Senses Type Shit” When We Express/Externalize Ourselves But In Reality Is Us As Spirits Creating Existence(s) All Together That We Try Our Best To Put Into Perspective(s), Thru Our Individual Powers Of Perception, That Works For Us All, Together.

Light; Angles, Ways Of, External To U Are Reflected From The Source/Space Of Wherever That Light/Sense/Angle/Awareness/Influence/Reflection Was Created/Birthed.

When Receiving/Believing In This, That Or Those Reflections/Influences (Light; Angles That Became Lite; Heavy, Dense, “Real” To U), U Can Then Choose To Become Or Not Become Aware Thru Ur Individual Power Of Perception Aka Ur Ability To Perceive The Possibility Of Where This, That Or Those Reflected Lights; Angles, Ways Of, (Influences), Outside Of U, Were Created/Authored In Order To Create A Lead/Direction To Trace Out This, That Or Those Reflected Lights; Angles, Ways Of, Back To The Origins/Sources Of The Space They Were Created/Birthed Signifying The Shapes & Forms That Spirits In That Space, Just Like U, Created Or Re-Created To Come Into Existence Thru Its Fire; Vision, Image, Will To Exist Or Experience The Space Of All Possibilities Thru Existence(s); Becoming Something In Some Way Shape Or Form Aka A Fire; Vision, Image Can Be Utilized to Represent The Image/Face Of The Spirit That Created & Dwells Within The Temple/Space/Awareness/Body That It Conceived/Created/Gave Birth To The Offsprings/Children Or The Lights; Angles, Ways Of, That Came After... That It The Spirit/Creator Pushed Out Giving Them Life.

U Give The Internal/Unseen/Shapeless & Formless A (Home/Basis) External Form/Place/Space To Grow/Mature/Mutate/Exist/Live In/Thru As A Combination Of Endless Possibilities Such As (Light) Ideas That Become (Lite) Thoughts When Expressed (Birth), (Light) Emotions That Become (Lite) Feelings When Expressed (Life) & The 2 (Lights) When Joined Together Creating/Giving Birth To The Actions/Expressions/Re-Actions (Vessels Or The Appearances Of Light Moving Made Lite; Physical, Heavy, “Real” To U Thru Ur Belief In This, That Or Those Desires To See Or Feel This, That Or Those Ways; (Fire) Ideas & (Water) Emotions U Bring/Join Together To Create (A) The Process Of Shaping & Forming Ur Formless Substances Which The Abilities To Think/Communicate/Relate (Air) & Do/Construct/Structure (Earth), Supported By Ur ESOGPS, Are Created/Birthed Out Of.

A Desire Takes Time To Develop Aka U Gotta Give LOTS Of Ur Energy/Attention/Time To One Or Many Forms Of Existence(s) In Order To Re-Create A Desire Into An Experience U’ve Either Experienced Before & Desire To Experience Again (Re-Incarnate) Or Create A Desire Into A Whole New; New Whole Experience; Experience Of New (In-Carnate) Due To U Resonating With The Newly Created Desires/Passions/Wills/Influences Of Ur Choosing More... & More... & More... Til Eventually Pop Goes The Weasel Aka The Formless Substances U Created Thru Resonating With/Giving LOTS Of Ur Attention To (Joining/Combining/Having Sex With) The Desires/Passions/Wills/Influences Of Ur Choosing Are Ready To Burst/Be Released, Flow Freely Out Past The Surface, Meaning, The Desires/Passions/Wills U Created Can No Longer Be Contained/Held In/Suppressed Any More Than They Have Been Via U’ve Outgrown The Space Ur In & In Order To Receive/Believe In; Experience More Possibilities, Without Playing The Role/Cause/Face Of Collateral, U Must First Release The Formless Substances Contained From Old; Outdated Experiences & Existence(s) That Reflect The Natures/Desires/Passions/Wills To Experience Endless Possibilities Thru Acts Of Holding/Containing/Suppressing Ur Formless Substances/Awarenesses/Energies When Ready To Be Released Therefore Releasing The Shape & Form Itself.

Therefore Thru Becoming Aware Of Expressions/Reflections/Influences (Reflected Lights; Angles, Ways Of, Outside Of U) Prior To The Creation/Birthing Of Ur Own Ability To Create & Receive/Believe In Reflections/Influences In Order To Have Ur Own Lights; Angles, Ways Of To Give Off As Reflections/Influences To Be Received/Believed In By Another, Created From In To Out Then Out To In... Over & Over Again, U Give Life To The Process Of A Formless Substance Given The Ability To Exist/Live/Thru Forms Of Existence(s) To Form Out In Or Be Formed Internally To Be Externalized/Expressed Out Continues & When Reflected/Pondered On (Contained) Long Enough This, That Or Those Expressions/Reflections/Influences (Lights; Angles, Ways Of, Outside Of U) Become Lite; Dense, Heavy, “Real” To U & Then Are Received/Believed/Allowed In To Ur Self/Space/Awareness In Order To Create What Becomes (A) Ur Own Shaping & Forming Of Existence/Existing To The Point Where U As The Spirit Can Now Jump Into These Shapes & Forms & Utilize Them Like Portals For Travel Out To The Astral/EXOteric Realm From The Internal; Esoteric Realm; A Realm Unseen/Unknown To The Physical Eye, That Becomes Awareness; Lite, “Real” To U Thru Ur Power Of Perception In Order To Be Able To Be/Exist Externally Thru How U Have In Visioned Ur Self To Exist/Be In Some Way, Shape Or Form As An Individual Spirit (Soul) Possessing Full Creative Control Of/Over/In Ur Creative Process As The Author/Creator/Illustrator Of Ur Will To Exist In Which U Create To Become The Shapes & Forms Created/Birthed & Given Life By (U) The Spirit, Utilized For Ur Spiritual Experience(s) & Experimental Purposes ONLY.

Peace, LUV & Flightz To All My Esoteric Mafiosas & Mafiosos... Keep Ur Spirits Lifted 🔥🌊⭐️