#soupedepates

[cy-lindric]

Salut ! Je viens de voir ton post au cloître du Puy-en-Velay et ça me rend tout fuzzy de voir que ma ville d'origine est arrivée sur Tumblr akdkakdk

Tu as aimé les fêtes du Roi de l'oiseau ? Tu as bien aimé la ville overall?

C'était vraiment top, la ville est magnifique et la fête était super. On a pas pu voir beaucoup de spectacles mais rien qu'avec les camps de reconstitution, les animations de rue, le marché et les bals on s'est régalées. Mon seul regret c'est qu'on soit arrivées le mercredi et parties le dimanche matin ; l'année prochaine, on skippera le mercredi pour pouvoir rester voir le grand défilé dimanche. (et on s'y prendra un peu à l'avance pour avoir des tickets pour la finale de tir à l'arc, haha)

Sinon bravo pour ta ville, très joli centre et une cathédrale qui rentre direct dans le top 5 j'ai pas peur de le dire

[wolfythewitch]

This isn't a question but a huge thanks!! I love your artworks and, thanks to you, I'm now at peace with Catholicism and God in general. You've made me see the love within the Scriptures (this means a lot to me wkfnwkgjkwjrjr)

Also as a huge mythology nerd I can't stress enough that????? Omg your Iliad/Odyssey art is so masterfully executed????????

Oh wow that's so cool I'm glad I helped :D

[thal-ent]

pssssssssss

trick or treat?

I'm giving you all the treats you'd want darling <333

[hel-phoenyx]

Oli belongs to @thal-ent, Meili to @azeler, Domhildr to @soupedepates, the others (mentioned) to @corneille-but-not-the-author and @noa-de-cajou

___

I stopped counting the days I woke up in a cold sweat, my night clothes sticking at my skin. A nightmare. Again.

I'm not a child anymore. I am Tyrfing Harkyrsen, prince af Mundir, for Ocean's sake, I shouldn't be so scared by some kind of monster I could so easily kill. If only she played fair, and I know it's foolish to think fairness is on the table.

I hate her. I hate how she looks at me like I'm a liability she's waiting to kill. How she looks at my mother as if she's a thorn on her shoe she can so easily crush. How she looks at my father with the contempt she would give us, like we tainted him by simply existing.

I hate how she brings us in the throne room only so we can look at ashes and charred remains of what was once someone that didn't look at us with hatred in their eyes.

I hate how the flames and the screams still wake me up today.

You could have done something.

I could. Even if I am still, on the eyes of royalty, a child. I could have extinguished the flames. I could have defied the Mad Queen in a duel. I know I would have won. She is the only person I have ever wished to kill.

You could have done something.

My mother doesn't tell me but that's what I'm reading in her eyes. and she's right. I have complementary powers. One spell and the victim would be saved, or could get a dignified death. It would mark the end of our status quo, but this is what I am supposed to do, put an end to this once and for all.

You could have done-

"You couldn't have done anything."

Meili is looking at me with his unreadable brown eyes. He saw me pale and trembling this morning, and he's the only one I could talk to about that. After all, how can I tell Kaizarz I wish to see his mother's head on a pike ? And Domhildr always tells him everything. No, no, I can't shoulder them with this burden. They're too young for this.

You are, too.

"What do you mean ? I-"

"No, Tyr, I'm not talking about your strenght. Or anything, really. I just think that madwoman would not have played fair. At all."

Gustav told me the same. He told me to wait and see. But I can't wait and see. Not when the smell of charred flesh still haunts me.

I could

"I should have done something."

"And let Kaizarz witness you being the next ? I don't think so."

"I could have extinguished the flames, I have water powers for the love of Harkyr-"

"She's our queen. And an adult. She would have found a thousand ways to make you pay."

I can't telle you I would have ended her on the spot, would have been able to, right ? Death plagues my very existence since so long. Supports, friends, family, I'm not a stranger to death, not anymore. I have not taken any lives yet but my hatred burns enough for her to be the first.

It burns stronger than her own flames.

Meili is not an idiot. His expressions hardens, for a second, before he just puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, Tyr, don't get distracted, alright ? Wouldn't want to earn an easy win because you're lost in thought."

"Fuck you, man."

"Try to land a hit on me and we'll talk about that."

He goes down just in time to avoid my training sword right to his neck. Damn. He got quicker since last time, I really need to catch up. I'll ask for more training on the graveyard. Even though no one there can evenly match me anymore.

Soon we're engaged in a real fight and this is the only thing I can focus on.

****

Again.

This is the third time this week. Third time since I got back to the castle. Being here awakens my visions. The screams. The pleas. The noise of burning wood and dripping blood.

I can't go yet.

He wanted me there and I still don't know why.

Why would you-

I need to go out. My clothes stick to my skin, and even though I know it's just sweat I can smell the blood and hear the flesh. Everytime I look to my hand it comes back covered in crimson. Sometimes I see purple in the hints of color.

Never the blue tint that taints my own blood.

Only theirs is important.

Mine was already spilled so many times and yet not enough.

The ocean. I need to reach the ocean. Pretty sure Kaizarz is pacing in the corridors, I can hear footsteps too heavy to be anyone else's, but it's okay, it's okay, I won't disturb you, I wont shoulder you with the weight of my burdens, I promise, I promise, I'll just go through the window-

"Hey there, Tyr !"

I can't.

She's here, flying next to my open window. Smiling like I always see her, and extending a hand.

"Trying for a nocturnal escapade ?"

The memories hurt. She's sat on the edge of the window like I was once twice countless times. Far tinier than I was, then, but with the same smile, met with the same incredulity.

"... What are you doing here, Domhildr ?"

Her smile wavers as I call her by her complete name, she who was so use to the nickname I gave her. Still, she's smiling.

"Well, I was out for... er, a little expedition, and I saw you pacing through the door. You good ? You need unwinding ?"

I know what kind of expedition she's talking about. The matter still flusters me, but I am no prude, neither I am innocent. I know, however, that if I open my mouth she will start teasing me like I did to her, once.

"I'm... fine."

"Never believed you before, won't start today. You know I can... Distract you, if you want~"

She wiggles her eyebrows and I sigh.

"No, Domi. Not like that."

She falsely throws her arms in the air like I just turned down her wedding proposal, yet I can see her smile is now stronger on her face. Her little show of dramatisation is just, well. A show.

It pains me to admit how much those years of knowing each other don't rease themselves that easily.

"But how, then ?? How can I help a friend in a dire need of some happiness ! Tell me, Tyr, before I die of uselessness !"

"... Letting me out ?"

"If I was sure you wouldn't throw yourself from the top of the castle, yeah, I would. I know this face, you know ? I know that you want to die, but I don't want you to die, because, because you're my friend, and I thought you dead once, and I don't want to go through that again, because you're a great person, and, and-"

I lift my hand, cut through her rant. I can't listen to that again. I can't listen to those worlds and know that she believes in them, for fairies can't lie. Those are the kind of words I know would crumble if only I told her what blood tainted my sword, so which one wouldn't sully a knife.

"It's fine, Domi, I just needed to reach the shore. I promise I didn't plan to die."

Kaizarz wouldn't let me.

She squints her eyes.

"Promise ?"

I smile.

"Nice try, you little shit, No, I won't let myself caught in a little fairy pact, I know this is how you get me. But I can say again that I don't want to."

Because the day I would lock myself in a deal with you is the day I would stop running away.

I trust you. Always did. You scare me with your antics sometimes and you annoy me more times than I would admit but I know I don't have to lie to you. Except for one thing.

Shepouts, and I find that adorable, somehow.

"Darn. How did you manage to avoid me for so long."

"I studied, you know. Fairies are very secretive but books and knowledge are easy to find-"

-when you know where to look.

I know her culture is a sensitive subject, for her. Yet she drops the matter instantly and just extends a hand.

"Well if you really want to go to the beach, I'll just have to come with you."

"Really ? Isn't that just an excuse to get naked ?"

"Oh, I know you love my boobs, Tyr.~"

Little- This time my cheeks color bright red and she laughs like we weren't at risk to wake up everyone. Every fucking time she finds a way to tease me.

Yet the crimson on my skin makes me forget the other kind of burgundy.

****

I don't enjoy losing sleep because of those damn nightmares, but I have to admit for now, they're stronger than me. Even stronger than my powers. I had to rush outside the castle so the storm would follow me. Don't need to wake up everyone with the sound of thunder. The only time I hear Domhildr and Kaizarz's peaceful breath when I run past their rooms.

I can hold on for a long tome, but that doesn't mean it's not taking a toll on my body. This is probably why my steps are carrying me towards the graveyard, towards my old house. In stress the mind recognises the safe places.

Yet, when I finally reach the shore, I find myself company. I don't know what Oli is doing here, or even if that place has any significance for them, but here they are, walking in the middle of the ship debris.

I spot from the corner of my eye a pile we once did when we were still teenagers. Apparently, even seastorms can't make old memories go away.

I still remember the first time they found me here. I was alone on the shore, but I could here the muffled exclamations and feel the hidden fear. That day, no one showed up among the ships. It was only Oli and me, and my hands on her wings.

How different things would be if they showed up, if they introduced themselves ?

Today is exactly like that day. We're all alone in the graves.

She probably heard my footsteps, since she turns around and smiles at me.

"Nightmare again, isn't it."

He knows. He has always been the most perceptive, and the one getting the most to the point. His voice holds the same tone, yet it is the softest I've heard in a long time.

I can't lie to that voice.

"Yeah. Again."

"The same ?"

"Still."

Pleas and screams and the smell of the sea. Burned wood and ligthning and my hand on the ground. My lips crying supplice and his dripping with blood.

Stop that. Please. I'm begging you.

She doesn't ask any more questions. I always appreciated that. This is exactly why she knows it is always the same nightmare.

They extend a hand towards me and I take it. Both our feet lay naked in the seawater, their talons brushing against algae and my toes feeling the sand beneath me.

Their smile looks so peaceful when reflected under the light of the moon. Peace. Safety. Comfort. Everything we share, from the moment I carried them in my arms until today where their hand is softly wrapped in mine, through those dayw when they were waiting in front of my door for an answer I wouldn't ever give them.

I've missed this.

Feeling simply loved.

The storm behind me falters. Soon enough coulds are nothing but a distant memory.

"What are you doing outside at this hour, anyway ?"

"Wanted to fly a little under the moonlight, but a certain seastorm kinda threw me off. I sought refuge. Just didn't expect to see you there."

I smile, the corners of my mouth weightened with guilt.

"Sorry. I guess I needed a safe place, too."

"Is this place special to you , It's not the first time I see you there, so I was wondering."

Yeah.

"I suppose you could say that."

He shrugs.

"Well, I guess we both find what we were searching for."

I guess I did.

***

...

Nightmare.

Again.

This one is the biggest I've had in a while. Since I got up on this boat, in fact. Evrything was so

So

Vivid.

My hand hurts where it's missing. I can feel something clenching around my wrist. I can hear the cries. I can hear the screams. I can taste the blood like I've bitten in flesh instead of trying to rip of my pillows in pain.

I can still feel his cold, hating eyes on me. Blue like the ocean and yet so, so much colder as my flesh is ripping.

I can still feel the cold, cold steel in my hand, covered in warm, warm blood.

I can still remember the only warmth I felt

Was his arms

And yet his tears were so cold, too.

I get up on the deck. Maybe I can just swim for a while. Maybe I can let that ship forget me in the sea. maybe I can just

Somethin stops my walk.

Three pair of eyes full of worry. Even if one of those is artificial and an other doesn't even look in my general direction.

They're here.

"What... Guys ?"

"We heard you cry in your sleep, said Oli this time without smiling. We thought you would get out sooner rather than later."

The others don't say a word.

I just feel a pair of arms circling around my waist. Tiny, warm, soft, Domhildr's, looking at me with tear-filled eyes.

"Hey, you know we're here, right ? We'll always be here."

Oli steps forwards, join the hug. Then it's Meili's turn. Soon enough I am trapped by three pairs of arms around me and the warmth of three bodies I can't fight against.

I can't only let myself go in their embrace.

You're not lying, Domhildr. I know you really believe that.

But I know you will once look upon those words and see a lie.

Because when you learn about

What I've done

You

Won't

Be

Here

Anymore.

[noa-de-cajou]

Zuza appartient à @soupedepates

Le texte qui suit aborde des thèmes lourds autour de la grossesse et de l'accouchement.

Et oui on écrit en français aujourd'hui youpidou

3 décembre 2002, 17h03

– Mademoiselle Nowak ?

Putain, c'est pas trop tôt. J'arrive à cours de barres chocolatées. Moi qui croyait que les fringales s’arrêtaient après la grossesse, je l’ai dans le cul. Au moins le résultat de ladite grossesse pionce tranquillement dans son porte-bébé, enfin.

Le comité est bien garni en tout cas. La sage-femme qui est à sa tête amène avec elle toute une petite cour. Madame Fourrières alias la gynéco la plus safe qui existe, bénie soit cette femme, la nana de l’ASE qui s’occupe du dossier de Tonia, j’ai oublié son nom, une autre sage-femme, à lunettes celle-là, et deux meufs en blouse bleue qui doivent pas être beaucoup plus âgées que moi et qui se chient clairement dessus. Ça m’agace gentiment, cette procession, j'ai l’impression qu'ils viennent admirer la bête curieuse. Déjà qu'ils m’ont pas laissée assister à l’accouchement... Au moins la sage-femme devant est souriante, ça en fera au moins une entre nous deux.

– Vous connaissez déjà le docteur Fourrières et mademoiselle Blin de la protection à l’enfance, je crois.

Blin. Marie Blin. Je me demande comment j’ai pu oublier son nom, à cette pimbêche et ses discours tout faits. Oh, pleine de bonne volonté, hein, mais c’est pas la bonne volonté qui change la situation de merde dans laquelle on est. La sage-femme me sourit toujours malgré mon regard mauvais.

– Moi c’est Amel, j’étais avec Tonia pendant l’intervention. Tout s'est bien passé, elle se repose pour l’instant. Elle a géré la césarienne comme une championne.

C’est tout ? Des heures d'attente au milieu de cris de chiards pour qu'on me lâche que ça “s’est bien passé” ? Et c’est quoi exactement “gérer une césarienne” ? Le regard d’Amel s’adoucit.

– On va vous raconter en marchant un peu, si vous voulez bien. Julie, Crystal, vous voulez bien faire le tour de vos patientes pendant que je m’occupe de mademoiselle Nowak ?

Les gonzesses en bleu, sûrement les internes, hochent vivement la tête et déguerpissent aussi sec. Bon débarras. Amel me fait signe de la suivre, le docteur Fourrières fait quelques mètres avec nous avant de devoir repartir en intervention aussi sec. Je suis bien remontée contre tout le monde mais elle, je lui en veux pas, vu comment elle a géré ma grossesse et celle de Tonia. Quasi en simultané d’ailleurs. Sans doute pas le meilleur moment de sa carrière. Mais du coup me voilà en train d’arpenter les couloirs puants avec ma môme sur la poitrine, Amel, la gourdasse de l’ASE, et la binoclarde dont j'ai toujours pas le nom.

– Donc, par rapport à Antonina… Vous êtes sa tutrice légale, c'est bien ça ?

– Depuis pas longtemps, ouais. Chais pas si on vous a dit par rapport à sa famille ?

Ces énormes fils de pute ?

– Je leur ai déjà fait un topo, intervient la mère Blin derrière moi.

Nan mais écoutez-la, gngngn je leur ai déjà fait un topo… Au moins ça m’épargnera de la salive.

– Mademoiselle Nowak n'est pas sa tutrice depuis très longtemps, vous comprenez, alors je suis là pour faire en sorte que tout se passe bien…

Mais c’est qu’elle en rajoute en plus ?! Putain, Micheline, j’ai pas cinq ans, j’ai une gosse, un diplôme, une bagnole et un appart, connasse !

– Je vois, répond Amel avec ce qui ressemble à de la politesse pour éviter de lui dire qu’elle s'en fout. Mademoiselle Nowak, on m'a dit que vous sortez de l’école d’infirmières ? Ça doit être pénible de repasser à l’hôpital.

Ouais. Ça l'est. Mais je crois que j'aurais préféré y être pour bosser.

– Ça va. Chuis en congé mat’, de toute façon.

Amel regarde mon petit paquetage de deux mois qui tape toujours sa meilleure sieste. Ce porte-bébé est un putain de cadeau de Dieu.

– Hmhm. Comment il… ou elle, s’appelle ?

– Bronya.

– Bronya, elle répète avec un sourire.

Par rapport à ma grand-mère. Bronislawa. J’avais pas de meilleure idée.

Et cette causette commence sérieusement à me gonfler.

– Bon écoutez, j’aimerais bien qu’on arrête de tourner autour du pot. Si ça s'est si bien passé que ça, pourquoi vous m’en dites pas plus ?

Son sourire se fait plus crispé. C'est pas la gueule d'une menteuse mais c’est bien celle de quelqu'un qu’a pas que des bonnes nouvelles �� annoncer.

– Oui, il faut bien y venir… On arrive justement en néonat’. Le pédiatre est un peu débordé, donc c’est moi qui vais faire l’explication.

En… Putain j'avais oublié dans la panique. C’est vrai que l’accouchement était prévu pour février 2003 à la base. J’aurais dû m’attendre à ce que ça soit un préma, vu les circonstances.

Amel explique longuement à la Blin que ce serait mieux qu'elle attende dehors, que pour l’instant il faut éviter d’être trop nombreuses dans la pièce, en gros elle la baratine et l'autre finit par hocher la tête avec un air tout perdu. Dans les dents, grognasse.

…

On va pas se mentir, une fois devant la couveuse, je me sens plus si fière. Ça fait beaucoup trop de bips et beaucoup trop de tubes pour un bébé aussi riquiqui. Je passe une main sur la petite tête de Bronya, nerveusement. Ça aurait pu être elle dans cette machine. Ça aurait pu être elle.

Amel pose une main sur l’incubateur, tout doucement.

– Voilà. Je sais que c’est impressionnant, mais c’est nécessaire… Et la petite est tout à fait stable. Il n’y a pas vraiment lieu de s’inquiéter.

Donc c’est une fille. Bon. Je pensais que l’annonce du genre allait me faire plus d’effet, mais là je m’en fous un peu.

– Elle s’appelle comment ?

Silence dans la salle. J’ai mis les pieds dans le plat ? On dirait bien. Parce que binocles a l’air hyper contrite et qu’Amel soupire.

– Vous… Vous savez déjà, mademoiselle Nowak, que certaines patientes peuvent avoir des réactions très… fortes après un accouchement, surtout s'il est traumatique.

Ouais. Je sais. Encore une fois, je suis infirmière. Et j’aime pas du tout cette prémice.

– Antonina… n’a pas voulu nous croire quand on lui a dit que c’était son bébé. Elle a refusé de lui donner un nom, elle n’a pas arrêté de crier et de pleurer, on a dû vite l'enlever de sa vue parce que ses constantes s'affolaient.

… Putain. Putain, voilà pourquoi j’ai insisté pour qu’ils me laissent venir, mais non, hein, le moins de personnes possibles, c’était mieux de me faire attendre sur un siège défoncé pendant que la gamine dont j’ai la responsabilité légale fait une crise de nerfs en accouchant parce qu’elle a pas onze ans, putain.

– Elle s’est aussi mise à refuser de parler autrement qu'en polonais… Sans Zuza, on n'aurait jamais réussi à la calmer.

Elle désigne la binoclarde, qui a toujours pas pipé mot et qui rosit en se faisant mentionner. J'en profite pour la regarder un peu mieux. Elle est pas très grande, le nez un peu arqué et les cheveux tirés en arrière, ce qui la vieillit vachement alors qu'elle doit avoir vingt-cinq ans à tout péter. Mais elle a une bonne tête, ça va.

– Vous lui avez parlé polonais ?

Elle hoche doucement la tête. Sans rien dire de plus. C'est vrai que “Zuza”, ça sonne polonais.

– … Merci.

Elle a un tout petit sourire et ça change tout sur son visage.

– C’est normal, je n’ai fait que mon travail.

Putain sa voix est super apaisante. C’est pas grand-monde qui peut souffler ma colère comme ça. Même Bronya, qui s’est réveillée à cause des bips partout, la fixe avec de grands yeux. Sans chouiner.

– Antonina a été très courageuse, se sent obligée de préciser Amel. Mais Zuza a été une aide précieuse, vraiment.

Bien sûr qu'elle a été courageuse. Elle avait pas le choix. C'est déjà assez dingue qu'elle ait pas décidé de juste abandonner le bébé ou de faire ça sous X.

– On pensait vous demander de la nommer, mademoiselle Nowak, reprend Amel.

Je jette un œil à l’espèce de crevette rabougrie et intubée de partout dans sa couveuse. Ça m'inspire rien du tout. J’ai toujours été nulle avec les noms. Et puis même si elle en veut pas, c’est le bébé de Tonia, pas le mien.

– Chais pas trop.

Zuza s'approche, l’air un peu hésitante.

– Vous savez, je pense que ça ne dérangerait pas Antonina. Elle a parlé de vous plusieurs fois, même en délirant. Et vous avez l’air de beaucoup l'aimer.

Ouais. C’est vrai. Je l’adore, cette gamine. Même enceinte jusqu'aux yeux à un âge où tu devrais juste être en train de jouer aux Legos et de t'inquiéter de tes devoirs de maths, elle arrivait encore à me sourire. À faire des blagues. À me parler de films qu’elle voulait voir. À s'extasier sur mon bébé à peine né dont je savais même pas quoi penser. Je comprends pas comment on peut ne pas l'aimer. Je comprends pas les messages sans réponse envoyés à Eunika pour lui dire de venir, putain, c’est ta petite sœur quand même, pour qu’au final mes SMS s'envoient même plus. Bloquée. Tu parles d'une amie, tu parles d'une sœur. Ils peuvent aller crever, elle et son mec. Surtout son mec.

Et les tonnes de messages que je reçois de la daronne Zielinska, cette vieille pute, ils valent même pas la peine que je les regarde.

– Ça lui ferait plaisir que vous nommiez ce bébé, Milena.

Milena. Elle m’appelle par mon prénom. J’ai les yeux tout humides, ça doit être la fatigue. Bronya fait pas encore ses nuits mais ce qu'elle me fait c’est de sacrées coliques, et moi chuis crevée.

En parlant de Bronya, la voilà qui se met à babiller maintenant. À deux mois, c’est surtout des “A-ba” et autres variantes toutes aussi lettrées. Je l’écoute d'une oreille en regardant l’autre dans sa couveuse.

… Ça me donne une idée, ce discours de bébé.

– Ada. C'est bien, Ada.

Simple. Ça se lit pareil dans les deux sens. Ça la fera pas chier pour l’écrire à l'école.

– Ada ! s'exclame Amel d'une voix réjouie. C’est très joli. On saura comment l’appeler maintenant.

Elle part dans des explications sur la suite, le peau à peau, les soins, l’allaitement, comment je peux demander de l'aide pour surveiller la santé de Tonia et d’Ada, et puis déclarer la petite à la mairie, je l’écoute à peine. Trop crevée. Épuisée d'avance à l’idée que je vais devoir demander de l’argent à mes parents. Que mon daron le donnera sans problème, mais pas avant que ma mère m’ait copieusement engueulée et traitée d’incapable.

Zuza pose une main sur mon épaule. Je la laisse faire quelques secondes, puis je la repousse mollement. C’est pas grave. Je me démerderai.

Me suis toujours très bien démerdée toute seule.

Et non, je pleure pas, merci beaucoup.

– Vous voulez aller voir Antonina, Milena ? me demande Zuza. On pourra s'occuper d’Ada après.

Je hoche la tête. Ouais. Je veux bien. Ça m’évitera de perdre du temps sur le reste.

Elle a besoin de moi.

Elles ont toutes besoin de moi. Je peux pas les laisser tomber.

[bettabastardart]

First attack against the enemy >:3

Character belongs to the lovely soupedepates [ @soupedepates ]

[soupedepates]

Dionysus' outing with his wife Ariadne, Thysa, Methe and our girl Erato

yep my fanfic is going well, it's here

[thal-chandra]

Sometimes you need to doodle your protagonist, antagonist and first character you had a clear idea for lol

The Ultimate Rudaali, Ezio and Oscar, two of the 7 characters I have for the story Venenum Negationis (name up to change tbh) with @noa-de-cajou and @soupedepates

[thal-ent]

@soupedepates Domhildr

shoutout to girls who do not understand the difference between ‘the bit’ and ‘waging psychological warfare’

[thal-ent]

Tyr belongs to @hel-phoenyx , the other characters (mentionned) to @azeler @noa-de-cajou @soupedepates and @corneille-but-not-the-author

It itches, all of the time. Usually it's just at the base of my wings, but sometimes the itch gets bigger, sometimes it runs under my skin and into my blood, under the tatoos I got and made myself.

It's old, older than me. I think it's because I'm too small to take care of the middle of my back, and they always tell me it's better if I dont try to touch it with something dangerous or a stone. But they dont touch it either. He hates even looking at me, and they take care of each other without needing something ruining their bonding time.

Because that's what it is, right ? A moment to be with someone. Showing your back and knowing they wont throw you in the first river, with pellets and sharp stones digging between the feathers and into the soft skin. I only bled once, because he was scolded after. He learnt to be gentler.

The itch never goes away, even when I'm back on the surface and the stones pulled old and broken feathers away. I'm shivering and pulling two wings too big for my body around me, hoping next time they'll bleed and I wont feel a stab on my back.

***

It's weird, being alone in the castle. Well, not really alone. More like "Me and Kaizarz's friend." His name is Tyrfing, but his friends call him Tyr. I call him Tyrfing. He's taller, but not as big as Kaizarz. He smiles less, too.

But he's nice. And I know Kaizarz really loves him a lot, and I trust Kaizarz wouldn't leave me with people that would break my bones and try to hurt me. He even accepted a feather ! I dont think Tyrfing knows what it means, tho, but he didn't call me weird or made a weird face, so it's all good anyways.

I really want to be Tyrfing's friend.

But the itch is here, and I know how dangerous the itch can become. I remember a body above mine, stronger but held down by "me". I taught Kaizarz how to take care of the itch and my feathers. But he's not here, and I dont want to bare my back to an adult I dont trust.

But I can trust Tyrfing. So I go and look for him. He's not far from the shore, without any big surprise. He likes the sea. He said he's from the family of the Ocean itself, I think, it's nice to know. He smells like it, in a good way.

"Tyrfing ?" He turns one second towards me before going back to facing the sea, on the rocky shore. I'm careful to not hurt my feet, kicking away the few stones that can break my skin. "Can I ask your help ?"

He turns back again and seems... Almost shocked. I dont know why, I'm weak, I ask help all of the time. "Yea, sure. What for ?"

"I need someone to help me groom my wings. Can you ?"

"I... Never did that."

"I can teach you. You dont have to, tho."

But he moves, tells me to go in front of him. So I sit after taking off my shirt. He goes red and it makes me laugh a bit, but I hear his small "Wow" when faced with the tatoo on my back. I think the next one will be on my face, or my stomach. Maybe above my legs.

I guide his hands, teach him the different kind of wings I have. It feels safe, to face the sea and know its child would catch me if I were to fall and drown. He's tense, so I talk about nothing and everything, try to laugh about a bird being kicked in the face by a fish.

He's slow and careful, asks my help with some feathers. But the itch goes away, the black hand with it, and each new press against my back feels great. His hands are neither cold or hot, but they're big, easily twice mines. If he had wings like a dragon, I'm sure he would be incredible flying with them while I struggle catching a rat.

When he's done, I'm almost drowsing off, too tired and so, so at ease. He must think I'm sleeping, because he slowly picks me up after my shirt back on my torso. He's strong too, it's true, and I sigh a little bit.

I really want to be his friend.

***

"Tyr, please, tell me you're in here."

My own voice feels wrong, when I ask him that. I know he is. Saw his silhouette when I was flying by the closed window. But he doesn't speak, doesn't move. I would hear it, if he was, would be able to be sure my friend is doing fine.

But he's not, right ? That's why Kaizarz has a haunted look, ever since they're the only two that came back. That's why he told us where Tyr was hiding, at Domhildr and I.

I miss Tyr. I miss Meili. I miss my friends. I miss our little group.

I fall asleep with the itch here, even when Dom or Kaizarz help me with my wings, in front of the door hiding one of the people I care about the most.

***

He lost a hand.

He finally came back and that was the first thing I noticed. A sleeve hiding the rests of a wrist. Something took away from Tyr, something hurt him, and when I look at those eyes I'm afraid I will know what did before he feels comfortable telling me.

He asks me not to do like Domi, but even if I wanted to I couldn't.

I know I smile like how I did when he had to get me back from the sea, all those years ago, but now there's tatoos making my face even weirder. I know we dont ask questions, between us. So I just tell him the truth.

The itch spread to my heart, and I dont know what it means. Dont know if that's a good thing, when it burns the first time he tells me I can still perch on his shoulders if I wanted to.

***

We're in my room, the expedition just a few days away. I asked him to help me preening. He didn't even hesitate to follow me.

I'm going to miss that room, full of stuff from them, from the only people I would ever call my family.

He's getting better, at preening with one hand. I dont comment on it, of course, I just let him do. I'm still wearing something to hold my breasts, because the Krakenites are such prudes something as simple as a torso makes them bright red. But it's a bit funny, sometimes, especially when Domhildr lends him a dress or a shirt.

I tell him what the birds are claiming happened, the last few days. The sea is clear, the city is as lively as ever, and the boars in the forest around are being obtuse by fighting with each other right under the birds' nests, where their babies are sleeping.

I wonder why I was chosen, for the expeditions. After all, all the others are much stronger than me, and my powers just make me a liability. Well, that's probably a reason why I'm taken with them, my weird. I dont dare ask Tyr why, he would start being weird about himself. And I dont like when he's weird about himself, I dont like hearing a wonderful dude like him treat himself like that for something I would never dare to ask.

I just hope we can stay together a bit, on that boat.

***

I took him by the hand, when we got back on the ship. I'm not sure I like that Brynja, but it's obvious Tyr loves her. I'm afraid of what will happen later today, when she fights Kaizarz.

I need to be stronger, to help him. Help Meili like he helped me, at Sylphe. Help Domi when her smiles dim. Help Kaizarz when he needs someone to make him weaker.

So I take the hand of the devil in front of me, dance with the woman who tried to "buy" me just yesterday. But I can be so much stronger, if I do. I can help them.

I can come back and look at Tyr, smile at him without any fear.

I told him I would hear what he has to say when he's ready to say it.

And I always keep my promise.

[hel-phoenyx]

Domhildr belongs to @soupedepates, Meili to @azeler and Oli to @thal-ent

Modern AU shenanigans

I do not look fondly upon my high school years.

It's not a period of my life I like to remember. and no, it's not like I had problems or anything. Never been bullied, never been dragged into shady business per se, at least not the delinquent kind. I had friends, even if those friends were in two different groups for. Several reasons. I had no difficulties whatsoever in class, even ranked top most of the time.

But god was I insufferable. Sometimes I wonder how Domhildr and Oli could put up with my self-inflated ego. The others certainly did a lot to encourage it.

I think the only thing that kept my head not too far from the ground was the fact I had to fight for the top rank. I still remember the classes, the tests, everything. When we didn't take the same options, it was good, I had miles between me and the second-ranked ; when he was there, I had to work for my shit.

It's weird to think he became my friend. That he was our friend.

No, not in this way. Weird in a good way. Like, in class we would have heated debates on slightly different answers, especially in philosphy and geopolitics. He was a die-hard right-winger, while I started to understand, because of them, that maybe free market was a bad thing. Both of us were still influenced by traditional upbringings. Loaded families.

Yet outside of class we would just talk about our days, families and other things. I would complain about the date of last maths test while he joked about such feeble things not stopping him. and then Oli and Domi would just yell at us to "stop flaunting the top-rank bullshit on us". Even though Oli were themselves good enough in class.

I had kind of a rivalry going on at the tme, and it got my head out of the gutter. Didn't help that we kinda crushed on the same guy. Not realising it, both of us were idiots (and probably raised in same kind of gay-no-way families) but it has to have played a role in the peculiar nature of our relationship.

And then he left school for the army. And I went into politics. And we lost contact.

I do not look fondly on my high school years. But I have to admit, recieving a message from him in the middle of my thesis kinda made me happy.

That's probably why I called upon the two others. To discuss. The message, and what happened afterwards.

Oli and Domhildr are bot sitting at the table at our café. We would reunite here, to talk about crushes and classes and art and jobs. And more often than not, politics. Domdom stopped wanting to punch me when I started talking about last time I kicked a Neo-Nazi in the balls. Good times.

But today we are not here to diss neo-nazis. We're here to talk about Meili.

"So, starts Oli. You say he sent you a message ? You ?"

"I mean, I'm probably the only one with the same phone number."

"Bullshit. I haven't changed mine since I got it. And I'm pretty sure Domi only switched once."

Domhildr nods, a big smile on her face.

"I knew there was something between you two. I mean, the whole academic rivalry was pretty homoerotic."

"Oh com'on, I have plenty other people I'm homoerotic with, you don't need to add Meili to the roster."

Their faces are unconvinced. Great. It's Kriss's teasing yet again.

Can't say I'm not used to it, tho. I have so many crushes. Had, too. I fall in love too easily with my friends. Luckily I don't have many.

My prosthesis hurt, as some sort of reminder. Yes, sometimes I am attracted to the wrong people. And the fact we made up kinda is worrying for my mental health, but to be honest I needed that introspection.

"Anyway. Yeah, he sent me a text, said he wanted to meet up. Apparently, army didn't work out. Didn't understand how before I saw him."

"Wait. You SAW him and you didn't warn us ?!"

"I knew I would never hear the end of this, so, no. Plus, he wanted to see me alone."

Domhildr laughs a little teasingly.

"Ooooh, someone got a date~"

"Or he just didn't wanted to show everyone from the get go the leg prosthesis and the amount of burns in his body, hell, he couldn't even open his right eye."

And I guess he contacted me because I lost my hand in high school, so he knew about it. And knew I wouldn't get too judgemental or pityful. Disabled power.

That shut up the two birds quite promptly. Domhildr even has the audacity to look shocked.

".... Well, shit, when you said army didn't work out, I didn't think THAT way."

"And yet. He's a war veteran now, and a high-ranked one. He just started a cursus in international politics, you know, the one I ditched for history. I did tell him about that, and he joked about getting something I wouldn't have."

Joke did fall flat, tho. Not like I've taken it personally, I mean, i am a PhD student, right now. More like he didn't put a lot of heart in it. I don't know what he saw on the front, but hell must it have traumatized him.

"War veteran, huh, said Oli, pensive. I take it he's still a right-winger."

"Yep. Couldn't believe his ears when I told him I voted far-left. Didn't want to start drama around politics, tho, so we kept it at that. He got pretty tame on human rights issues, by the way."

"Cool, so I won't have to punch him when I see him. Do we have a date, by the way ?"

I shrug.

"I'll ask him later. That could be good, indeed."

[noa-de-cajou]

Mentioned characters apart from Leonova and Kalerich belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author @soupedepates @azeler @hel-phoenyx @thal-ent

______

When I finally get back on the ship’s deck, I'm all alone. My hands are sore, my hair is unkempt, my dress is wrinkled and the sweat on my forehead made my make-up run down a little. My entire body aches, yet I know I won't have much time for rest. The rest of the crew is still partying at the casino, and they ought to stay there.

“Welcome back. You sure took your time.”

As always, coming from Kalerich, it's a statement. Not a reprimand. He would never dare, and he better not, because I'm not in the mood. His eyes widen a little in surprise as he sees me.

“... You lost.”

Yes. I lost. Splendidly, in fact.

“You don’t have to rub it in.”

I knew the fairy was a distraction. If it weren’t for her, I surely would have won. For her, and Tyrfing Harkyrsen’s sheer luck. I suspect one of the others aided him. How, I don't know.

At least, I got to see his face distort when I mentioned how he never told anyone about what happened. Traitors always get their punishment, one way or another, and this one is particularly twisted. Accepting a bet to save his old friend but not even being able to look the current ones in the eyes, how very hypocrite.

My brother gets closer, attempts to fix my hair. I let him.

“Well, you still look like you had a good time somehow. Did you?”

A good time, huh.

I suppose I did.

That little unwinding with the fairy… Domhildr, did feel good. Maybe I was a little too rough, but well, I took all the necessary precautions and even accompanied her back to her ship. She did give a magnificent performance, during the game. It’s my fault for underestimating her.

It was so impressive I even promised her little crew I wouldn't harm her.

I promised.

Am I going soft?

No. I just can’t afford to die yet, is all.

And I would die, if I killed her.

“It was… fun.”

Fun. That's something I didn’t have in a long time.

Not just the sex, but the rest, too. It was fun. I had fun. Until I lost.

But what did I really lose?

Meili’s stone-cold face when I talked about his eye was delightful. Oli seems open to learning new spells. I had a good time with Domhildr. The game with Tyrfing was the best I’ve had in a while. The little show Valentina Salem offered with that knife was certainly admirable.

So what do I lose, except a trivial amount of money, and…

“What about Brynja?” Kalerich asks.

… Brynja. Of course. That was the deal, wasn’t it?

“Well. I’ll hold up my part of the deal. As soon as she wakes up, I'll let her know she's free to do as she pleases.”

Free to do as you please. Ha. That isn’t a sentence you hear a lot coming from a Delavriskov. None of us is truly free, after all, not even me.

No matter how this duel ends, Brynja might never come back on the ship. That's a shame. She was a good asset.

But I can't control love, now can I? If I could, it’d be much easier.

The card of the Great Snake, buried in my deck, seems to sneer at me.

“I’m going to get some shut-eye. You should too.”

I’ll escort Brynja tomorrow, and I bet Kaizarz Laangfisk will not be pleased to see me. So intent on protecting his little friends, on doing what’s right.

But what will be if not two monsters looking at each other?

“I’ll miss her. Brynja.”

I blink. Kalerich spoke slowly, his eyes scrutinizing my face, searching for a reaction.

“Will you?”

…

I don't reply.

Does it matter?

Will I miss her?

Maybe, for a while. But then I'll move on.

Missing something, somebody, isn’t that all I do, either way? What’s one more?

Isn't that the real curse of being on this boat? To miss?

“I’m tired, and I am going to be very busy tomorrow. So if you’ll let me get to bed, I'll appreciate it.”

Kalerich stares at me for a while, then shrugs.

“Sure. Remember that you can always talk to me, if you get sad.”

Sad?

Ridiculous. I don't get sad.

I close the door to my cabin, breathing slowly. This won't do. I need to get my magic under control.

You know what you are.

You know what you lost.

Look at you, struggling to get it back.

Look at them, how they have it all. You could have had all of this.

But you're too far gone.

Ignore the whispers. Ignore them. They’ll go away. You're the one in control.

Jealous, Leonova ?

Going soft, Leonova?

Something shatters against the wall. Some glass trinket I bought and just destroyed. They are no different.

Calm. Down.

You’re in control.

You don’t lose. You never lose.

Stay focused, Leonova.

Work won't finish itself.

Miss. Miss. Miss.

They are everything you missed.

[bettabastardart]

Hey @soupedepates have another attack >:3

[soupedepates]

I needed to get that out of my system.

Yeah hm. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat. Read the tags carefully before reading.

[thal-chandra]

Four cards of Tarot with characters from the Original Universe of La Peste Moderne ! Funny enough, 4 out of 5 characters here are to people on here lol

2 : The high priestess, Nhan, belongs to @soupedepates

3 : The empress, Theodosia, belongs to @noa-de-cajou

4 : The emperor, Ansgar and Teodora, belong to @hel-phoenyx for the first one and the other to the Allmighty GF who is not on here

5 : The Hierophant, The Watcher, belongs to meeee

It's a lot of fun to draw so many characters and experiment a bit with my art lol

[noa-de-cajou]

@soupedepates this u?

i say i like tragedies and everyone’s all like ‘why do you like sad stories? are you depressed?’ and never ‘how was the catharsis? was the catharsis fun?’