#sounds like some tumblr shit though tbh

[pkmn-smashorpass]

Hi! the real kitkat anon here. I don't know who that other guy is but they ain't me

WEVE GOT ANONS PRETENDING TO BE OTHER ANONS

[adhdo5]

We talk about "aw my mutual changed their URL and profpic and now I don't recognize em on the dash" but can we talk about "I assumed this person on my dash was a mutual who changed his URL and then I clicked on their blog and they are just not him whatsoever this is a completely different person I don't remember following"

[glitchinginhyperfixis]

i’m gonna be honest about something there are still things i’m afraid to post about on here bc i’m always worried about what other people think of me. so if i suddenly start rbing shit from a fandom you wouldn’t expect or a ship you don’t like, please be prepared. i’m sorry but i’m trying to practice self-care <33

[highhhfiveee]

mint

pairing: mike schmidt x blackfem!reader summary: you’re abby’s mint chocolate-loving babysitter. mike takes notice. wc: 1.3k tags: suggestiveness, swearing, fluff. *minor movie spoiler that isn’t a spoiler fr but kind of is* a/n: oi. this is my first official piece of fanfic on tumblr and i'm excited but also super nervous. i never knew what characters i wanted to write for as most of my fandoms are obsolete tbh (teen wolf and maze runner, i'm looking at you 💔) but after watching the fnaf movie and falling in love with j hutch like i'm 14 again, i wanted to try to write for mike!  i'm sorry if this story sucks tbh. i wrote it pretty quickly, did not edit it in any way (watch for grammar and spelling errors!) and i'm still trying to establish characters and plot and do all this silly billy worldbuilding, but i'll get better! i'm also taking requests for both fluff and smut, so if y'all would like to send anything for me to write, i'll def accept! like i said in my last post, i think i'm gonna redo my tumblr layout so i can feel like a true fanfic/misc blog lmao so ignore its under construction phase ((: i hope y'all enjoy this though bc i've been thinking ab mike schmidt all night 

i have sooo many ideas, but between last night and this morning, i’ve been thinking of abby’s babysitter!reader (bc fuck max). 

you’ve been channel surfing in the living room since you put abby down, working with her to lock down a nightly routine. ideally, she’d bathe, eat dinner (god willingly), brush her teeth, and then you’d be able to get her to lay in bed and doze off. some nights, this required dessert. 

“you just brushed your teeth though. it’s gonna taste gross.”

“not if it’s one of those mint chocolate things you always have.” you straighten up, eyes squinted at the child before you; she meant the small, sometimes melted, squares of Andes mint chocolate you always kept. they’d always been your favorite, a guilty pleasure in this fucked up world. 

you hadn’t been babysitting abby for long, and you didn’t realize that she'd been watching you crush the chocolates like it was light work. they were easy to eat, and once you had one, you found out how easy it was to eat another one, and then another one, and then another one until there was a mountain of crinkled foil next to your phone and chocolate smeared on your face. 

"please, y/n. just one," you didn't exactly know if it was a lie. abby was convincing, able to break you down with her eyes, pleading and puppy-dog like. "please." 

you cave, leaning down to brush her hair back from her forehead and place a gentle kiss on the skin. with pursed lips, you whisper, "fine, but tomorrow night. i have to get some more." 

abby does nothing but smile, eyes fluttering closed. you stay with her for a bit like you always do--watching the way her chest rises and falls, and how her features twitched with slumber. features scarily similar to mike's. 

of course she'd look like mike. they were siblings, no shit, but the resemblance occupied your brain. there was sweet abby, with her colorful clothes and scribbled drawings and persuasive aura, and then there was mike. 

you shake your head, giving abby another kiss before exiting her room. you didn't need to think about mike. he wasn't what you were here for. you'd come to abby's school as an aide and after she'd privately confided in you about her home life, you knew you had to help her. you would do anything for her, even if that meant taking care of her while suppressing the overwhelming school girl crush you had on her older brother.

mike was a bit older than you, which didn't scare you at all. guys in their early 20s were rarely mature, doing anything they could just to fuck; but guys in their late 20s, mike specifically, had only ever shown you couth, surprisingly. 

for nearly two months, five mornings a week, the sound of the door being unlocked would ring out. you'd turn to see sunshine pouring into the living room, enveloping mike's brooding figure in a radiant golden glow.

he'd hang his coat on the wall hooks, drop his bag down to his feet, and give you a small but warm smile. you'd try to not to embarrass yourself as you two made small talk, packing up your things.

you always left unscathed, but recently it'd been hard. you were always thinking about him, dreaming about him even; how his hair would feel between your fingers, how his hands would feel on your face, how his face would feel between your thighs. 

the thought is washed away, drowned out by the sound effects of a loud infomercial when the door opens, and you're turning and squinting against the wash of pale yellow on your face. mike steps forward with a, "hey, y/n" and you meekly raise your hand to wave. 

he hangs his hoodie up to reveal his shoulder blades flexing under an uncharacteristically tight navy blue sweater. you can't help but stare.

"just wake up?" his voice is raspy, but he's still facing the wall, rummaging in his bag for something. 

"um...yeah. brain's still turning on," you lie, tossing the thick blue blanket off your body. you didn't sleep at all, kept up with your thoughts and the last of your Andes mints (though you loved her, you couldn't give abby your last ones).

"hm," he mutters, finally turning to you but keeping his hands behind his back. something crinkles in them and you raise your eyebrow at the tired yet amused expression he takes with you. it's enough to make your body hot and you awkwardly pull at the collar of your shirt, fanning yourself off.

"hot?" the gravelly tone sends you into a giggling fit, shaking your head as you shoot to your feet. you have to leave before you do or say something you regret. 

"uh, yeah, it was s-super hot under that...um...blanket. i shouldn't have worn sweatpants to s-sleep," you stutter, nodding your head along with mike as he steps closer to you. this couldn't be the moment something happens, right? it'd been so casual between you too, very friendly, and he'd never shown any signs of trying to do anything with you before. why would he choose right now, so spontaneously? 

he stands before you, the slightest bit taller than you. you're able to see every pore, every freckle, every microscopic detail in his eyes and lips.

you open your mouth, hoping your heart doesn't fall out, to ask what's happening, when he reveals a bag of Andes mints, one bigger than you've ever seen.

your mouth stays open in surprise. "wh-"

"abby's been talking about them. i wondered where she found out about them but--" he nudges his head towards the coffee table, where a small mound of green wrappers lay. you swear under your breath, cursing yourself for not throwing them away like you usually do. 

"i'm sorry," you whisper, blushing beyond measure as you begin to frantically pack your things. "i should be more careful with that stuff."

"god, y/n, you're saying it like it's coke," mike chuckles. he sets the bag down on the couch and reaches out to you, placing his hand on yours as you shove things into your tote. "hey." 

his voice forces you to stop and look up. you melt under his stare just like you do with abby. the puppy-dog thing must run in the family.

"i feel bad about not being able to pay you yet, and i really appreciate all you're doing. abby told me that you loved those mints, so..."

"thank you, mike," you say over the sound of your pounding heart. you didn't care about the money, you didn't need it. being appreciated by someone who made your heartbeat resonate throughout your body was payment enough. "this is really sweet." 

"thank you, y/n. you don't know how much this means to me." You scoff, throwing your tote over your shoulder and looking down at your feet. 

"i'm always happy to help." you and mike stand facing each other for what feels like hours, the air as thick as molasses between you. his eyes were squinted, low and dark and intriguing.

you wished you could read his mind. what was he thinking? did his heart do the same thing as yours, wacking against his ribcage with no end in sight? did he stay up thinking about you when he was supposed to be sleeping, imagining how you felt, what you sounded like, how you tasted---

"see you later tonight?" his voice rocks you out of your trance. he's not thinking about you. he's tired, wondering when you'll leave so he can fall into his bed and doze off. 

"yeah. tell abby i said i'll see her tonight." your smile is tight as you exit the house, cursing at yourself as you get into your car. 

you didn't know how long you could go on like this. 

ya, i know this sucks and it isn't really anything but we're gonna work our way through these fics and blurbs to really develop a cute relationship (,: i will still be writing other fics for mike, and possibly using another babysitter!reader in a different universe, but as for now, we're gonna be rocking with these two (: (thinking that we’ll label her as 🌱🍫!reader)  all notes are appreciated (: thanks for reading!

[butchpeace]

I'm not a terf or a radfem but I hope one day the LGBT community adopts some of your ideas. I'm a young butch lesbian and I feel so pressured to transition, that I should just "be a man" or some shit, then I see other butches that I look up to on here and they are all non binary or trans masc. Makes me sad that the only blog I could find that is of a butch *woman* is a detransitioned one (No offence, just kinda shocking that it's either trans butch or detrans butch). I've found proud butch women who have similar views as me on reddit, maybe it's just a tumblr thing.

Sex and gender are extremely complex things. There are people out there with internal male sexual organs but produce oestrogen and have external female sex organs. So I don't completely agree with the "Female is when XX/vulva/vagina, male is when XY/penis" rhetoric but I also don't agree with the "Sex and gender are social constructs!!! You can change your sex! Hormones are harmless."

I definitely feel like we are letting men/agps into the lesbian community, to the point that actual trans people are being spoken over; so now trans women are seen as bearded men that get off on wearing dresses and are addicted to lesbian porn.

IDK. Just wanted to share this. I can't even really say this anywhere else without being called a terf (even though trans people themselves believe in my views), but whatever. I have no clue on how asks work on tumblr, just read this you don't have to respond. Sorry for the shitty writing; I may be on something. -random butch

Tbh it sounds like you have the same views as most gender critical or “terf”/radfem women. We acknowledge the existence of intersex people. They have actual medical differences in their sex development.

We just don’t agree that intersex people are proof that sex can be changed. At most, trans people can become artificially “intersex” in a way that’s harmful for their health. They can live their lives as the opposite sex if they’re lucky to pass, but even that is usually psychologically harmful due to the mismatch between what you actually are and what you claim to be.

It is really fucking sad that almost every young butch woman in the past decade has either transitioned, tried transitioning, or currently identifies as something other than a woman. It shows how shitty we’ve been treated by the world, that we think becoming men or more masculine is our only way to live a fulfilling life. It’s other people, and misogynistic and homophobic institutions, that make us hate our bodies. Those negative feelings don’t just magically come from inside us.

As a community, lesbians have lost our knowledge of real feminism, and we need to get back to it.

[theoddest1]

nothing irks me more than the defenders saying shit like "its a fictional character its not that deep/important" like it hasn't been proven that fiction can affect reality. yes i can differentiate fiction from reality.

downplaying the goofy ass of valentino, and joking about said character his actions, WHICH IS JUST A RAPIST, just tells me you don't actually care about this and the potential consequences. defending fictional characters like that leads to victim blaming and rape culture. see the sexy merch (/s) of angel often being chained up, or just look at raph and their defenders.

you can like valentino as a character (even though i really dont see what would be likable about him, his only traits are abusive manchild rapist), but defending his actions and joking about it is another thing because he's fictional.

i did not live though the era of real people thirsting over real serial killers and being "fans" of said real serial killer and defending them (on tumblr) for people to pull the "fiction" card like it's a "gotcha". the mentality behind defending fictional characters is the same as for irl people, thats my issue. its a slippery slope. the fiction card is so often used to justify the most disgusting shit eventually.

sorry for the rant. im just livid at how blind these people are. fiction is different from reality but to act like it can't or won't affect reality is...yeah.

Nah, dw fam, your rant is valid! Lots of these people sound a lot like those folks who try to justify Loli's by saying the same exact excuse, coupled with "well, she's actually 1 million years old"

I know some who go through the horrors of SA go through their own trauma in various ways, and so indulge certain fetishes as a way of coping and the like, but this is a show that all sorts of people view, including those who never went through SA, some of which will look at ep 4 and see it as goon material. The whole episode actually feels like an angst A03 fanfic tbh! It falls under some tropes I have seen or seen discussed within communities. The very fact that Viv stans look at Val, who has NO OTHER QUALITIES OUTSIDE OF ABUSIVE, romanticize and simp for him, and Viv herself indulging in this gross ass behavior is absurd but unsurprising.

This one below could be liked for the art, but considering the fact that she enjoyed Raph's gross ass animatic, I'm inclined to believe she thinks this dynamic with Val and Angel is attractive.

[transgenderpolls]

Submission Guidelines/Disclaimers

First, things to keep in mind when you submit:

there is a limit of 12 answers for polls, and on this blog one of those answers will always be 'show results,' to allow for people that the poll doesn't apply to to see without skewing data. so in reality you have a maximum of 11.

there's also an 80-character limit on the options

SO, if you go over those limits, know that I will take it into my own hands to decide which answers to omit and/or how to re-word it to fit the limit.

even otherwise, expect that the wording of your submission may be slightly altered in order to be more inclusive (when it doesn't affect the data), or because i think you missed an option that you probably meant to include, or just to make it sound less clunky. if you have an issue with any changes upon posting, i'm happy to hear you out.

tbh i may also alter it heavily if i cannot imagine for the life of me why your poll is worded/split up the way it is. like, sorry, i truly do not think that whether someone is transmasc or transneutral would affect their ability to take off a binder without taking off their shirt. if i can instantly think of a smarter way to split it up and collect more thorough data i'll do it.

depending on how many submissions i have it could be anywhere from a day to a week before you see it posted.

if your poll is addressing a very small group, don't be surprised or angry when the 'see results' poll is the biggest. that needs to be there to keep data from being skewed by anyone's curiosity.

Base Guidelines For Submitting:

poll must be related to being trans. it doesn't have to be exclusively directed at trans people, but if you want cis people to be allowed to answer, please make that clear in your submission. otherwise i'll default to it being a trans-only poll.

it CAN be directed at a specific type of trans person, such as trans men/women, non-binary people, trans lesbians, trans moc, etc - literally you can address any specific trans group you want, just make sure to say so.

it CAN relate to sex, just try to be tasteful about it.

What would make me NOT post a submission:

if it's an opinion poll about the validity of any particular type of trans person. "validity" is a moot topic and i'm not going to encourage it, and in any case i'd like the focus of this blog to be about recording experiences (real, undeniable, forever in stone) rather than opinions (always changing, meaningless)

if it's too niche and/or would just make a pointless poll. like, you guys, phalloplasty is expensive as fuck. if you wanna know info about it you're better off just finding someone who's had it and talking to them.

if it's something like "trans people: do you like pineapple on pizza?" or some other question that doesn't actually have anything to do with being trans. if you wanna send something like this, make your case for why it's relevant that the poll is directed at trans people.

if it's some other obviously offensive shit, obviously. no racism or whatnot here.

FAQ:

Who counts as trans?/Can I vote on a poll for trans people if I'm nonbinary?

We self-define here, so if you consider yourself trans, you're trans. Non-binary is definitionally under the trans umbrella - though you're not obligated to consider yourself trans if you don't relate to a trans experience.

Why isn't there an option for X?/You missed an option.

Sometimes I may genuinely miss an option, but 9 times out of 10 the lack of the option is either due to the poll limits on tumblr, or because it goes against the point of the poll. For example, if the question begins with "If you're on HRT," then "i'm not on HRT" isn't going to be an option. If the prerequisite of the poll doesn't apply to you, then what you click is "see results." If it's something a little less concrete, polls will always include some kind of "other" option anyway.

Can you make more polls for X type of trans person?

*I* make polls based off what I'm personally curious about. If you're curious about something, submit it!

Can you get rid of the 'see results' button? Or can you not include it on this particular poll? I only want X people to respond. This poll is ONLY for X people.

If a poll is on this blog, it's for everyone, questioning and simply curious people included. It's also not going to stop curious people from clicking if there's no 'see results' button. It ensures that the data doesn't get skewed, and gathering data is what polls are for. It doesn't hurt you to see a big see results bar. The data is still there. If the bar does wind up obscuring more significant data, that means the poll was addressing too small of a group to begin with. And that's NOT the end of the world. This blog is far from the only place where you can get information about other trans people's experiences.

[tariah23]

It’s crazy because I can count on my fingers the amount of times I’d been in that girls car, man. 4 times. The first time was when we first hung out and met each other back in February. We met on tumblr but she lived in Chicago so we just decided to meet in person. We went to the movies, saw Paprika, and she took me home. Second time was a while later back when I was still working as a concierge at my last job. This was probably in June since before we went him, she stopped somewhere to eat and then she took me home and stayed for a while. She was trying to teach me bout to drive and stuff and helped me set up my snap online and all that. She heavily insisted on picking me up from work even though I’d told her that it was fine multiple times because the train station was literally 4 minutes or so away from me in walking distance. It was raining and she was getting all frantic and freaking out like she usually does and I just gave in and said told her “sure.” The third time I was in her car was months later, which was at least 2 weeks ago? She took my sister and I grocery shopping (helped us out with grocery’s since it was taking forever for my snap to come) and my mom even tried to giver her almost 80 back but she ended up taking the $25 offered to her after my mom insisted. Last time I was in her car was last Friday when all of that shit went down lmfao. It’s funny since throughout all this time of knowing her, she’s always ask to hang out/pick me up and I’d always tell her that I was busy, too lazy, or tired since I was and she’d be super PUSHY about it but I know that she just wanted to be friendly and hang out and would always say stuff like “I’m good at breaking ppl down! I’m gonna get you one of these days,” but I really just never felt like it. I’m a homebody at heart 🚶🏾‍♀️. And I’m LAZY. Even hanging out one day takes a lot of energy out of me and it takes me days to recover from that, I’m not used to hanging out and seeing ppl everyday. I don’t even like talking to ppl over the phone everyday fr. But she’d always call because she knew that 9 times out of 10, I’d usually pick up anyway (that’s usually the only way to get me to respond immediately if you’re reaching out to me since I might read your texts or messages but I probably won’t respond right away since I be lazy or not charged up mentally 😭. But if I’m called, l’ll most likely pick up tbh) but the whole “well, you’re gonna have to send me some gas money or meet me somewhere-“ shit was funny since her ass never had a problem coming all this way because she was lonely or whatever tf on her own. Why should I give you gave money to pick up your own shit that you kept on forgetting to take back home with you? On Friday, my mom had even tried to get her to take her bag back with her but she was all like “no, we’re coming back anyway!” So girl, this is on your dumbass. Before I’d even had the chance to fully respond back to her, she blocked me on everything and threatened to take me to small claims court over her bag that she could’ve been picked up 😭. No one wants tour shit, trust me. It’s safe and sound here.

[hongthoven]

Baby Came Home

Rockstar!Hongjoong x fem!reader (smut)

⁂ pairing : rockstar!hongjoong x fem! reader

⁂ warnings : strong language, explicit sex

⁂ one shot | words count : 5.7k

⁂ tags&stuff : rockstar!hongjoong, tattooed!hongjoong, pierced!hongjoong, smoker!hongjoong, oral sex (giving), cheating, rough sex, pet names, hand holding, feelings are getting caught because who the fuck wouldn't fall for rockstar!hj - not me, your honor

⁂ plot : you go to hongjoong every time your boyfriend is being a jerk - which happens a lot - so he can fuck the anger out of you, but things take an unexpected spin when you attend one of his shows and his brand new song seems to spill a little bit more than beans.

⁂ author's notes : this was requested by my one & only muse @hongjoongsmaid ♥ and directly inspired by The Neighbourood's song "Baby Came Home" (omg just like the title of this story? OUTSTANDING) so I suggest you listen to it while reading because nothing will beat the thought of rockstar!hongjoong screaming the lyrics directly at you, amiright?

Please- P L E A S E, if you like it, comment + reblog as tumblr's algorithm seems to be a lot more complicated and some fics aren't showing in the tags, which leads to writers getting less and less notes and tbh it's very sad :(

Of course, if you think it's shit, don't interact - I'll just go cry in a corner. All in all, thanks for reading ♥

“Joong— I’m— I’m close—” 

You were nothing but a whimpering mess on top of him, both of your hands attached to his shoulders as he took it as a signal to increase his pace, his insatiable hips rocketing against you as your own rhythm became a lot messier, your ass bouncing mercilessly against his thighs as your race to climax came closer to the final line. 

“Wait for me, doll” Hongjoong barely growled, one of his hands traveling from your tits to your throat while the other kept you still with a strong grip over your hip, taking the lead.  You had no idea how long you’d been there, riding his cock through a blissful state, but anyone could tell it had been a while from both of your glistening chests and the redness of your skin from being held forcefully for too long. 

“I—I c-c-can’t” Your jaw seemed to tighten from the overwhelming pleasure running through your flesh, every part of your body suddenly too sensitive under Hongjoong’s expert touch. Clenching your fingers into his skin, almost scratching his shoulders to the bones, you could feel your spine stiffening as you were about to clench around his throbbing member when Hongjoong suddenly lifted your hips with both hands, breaking contact.

“I said wait for me! Can’t you just do that?” He smirked as you almost clenched over nothing, hips jolting from losing the unbearable overstimulation of his cock while only whines and complaints seemed to escape your pouty lips. 

“Look at you– so eager to be fucked” Hongjoong chuckled almost too proudly as he teasingly smacked his head against your clit, collecting a frustrated groan out of your mouth, the sound of your own wetness almost too embarrassing as you tried to push him back inside of you. You were so close to finishing you were convinced a single thrust would make you see stars, but unfortunately, Hongjoong wasn’t having it.

“You look so fucking beautiful, doll” He smiled, sincerely endeared while leaning forward to catch your lips between his, his greedy tongue finding yours immediately as he finally pushed your hips downwards to fill you up again. Moaning into his mouth, overwhelmed with the pressure of yet another first thrust, you snaked your arms behind his neck as he pushed himself up into a seating position, his cock finding a brand new angle into the dampness of your pulsating cunt. 

It wasn’t long until you crashed on top of him, body convulsing and only squeals coming out of your tired lips as Hongjoong wrecked your insides with a couple more steady, powerful thrusts while painting your walls white through a long, throaty moan. Though you felt dizzy, the sight of his veiny neck abused from his desperate pleas forced you to attach your mouth to his skin, licking the mole on the right side of his throat a second before you collapsed into his arms, completely exhausted. 

______________________________________________________________

“We need to stop doing this” 

Hongjoong shifted into the sheets, lifting himself up to rest his back against the wall as he watched you getting dressed. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, your nervous hands buttoning up your shirt while your eyes were looking around for a sight of your panties as you heard him scoff behind your back.

“I’m serious, Joong!” You paused, sighing to yourself as you turned around to face the man whose lips were still printed all over your neck. You hated that he still looked this breathtaking right after fucking you into oblivion. Ruffled blond hair all over the place, tattooed chest coated with sweat and his thin hips barely covered by the white sheet he had creased into his fist to hide the way his exhausted cock was now resting flat between his thighs as he reached for the pack of cigarettes on his nightstand. 

“Could you not?” You frowned the minute he pinched a cig between his pink lips, raising both his eyebrows at your sudden mood swing.

“What? You’re afraid the smell of smoke may give him a hint? Darling, you look so fucked out even some blind guy down the streets could tell you’ve just been railed…” Hongjoong chuckled while lighting his cigarette. You watched as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head, filling his lungs with nicotine with a content smile upon his face. 

“He knows something’s going on—” You added, suddenly more nervous as you fiddled with the hem of your shirt, looking down your lap “I think he’s seen some of your texts…”

“Poor baby, do you want me to send him some care package or somethin’?” 

Now he was getting a little too cocky for your liking. As much as you adored this man, you just couldn’t let him get away with that attitude.

“There’s no need to be an asshole about it, you know?” You snapped, reaching for his face to rip the cigarette off his mouth, dropping it in the glass of water you had left on the floor seconds before Hongjoong had bent you over the bed. 

“I’m being an asshole about it? You’re the one always coming back to me so I can fuck the pain away everytime your boyfriend is being a jerk to you and still, I’m the one you wanna leave behind?” You couldn’t help but feel bad for a second as you caught a glimpse of sadness and anger passing through his entire face, his natural pout as the main character while his eyes seemed to look everywhere but directly at you. 

“That’s all it was always supposed to be, Joong. Sex.” 

“Bullshit” He snapped back, his eyes locking with yours this time. 

“You know I’m right” 

“Bull-shit” You could hear his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth as he moved towards you, the sheet drifting slightly to expose the thin lettering over his hip bone, your favorite tattoo of his. 

“You think that’s what this is all about? Just sex? Read the fucking room, Y/N!” 

Whether this was a confession or not, you felt terrible now, memories of the most precious moments spent with Hongjoong washing over you as your entire body started shivering under his touch the very second his palm pressed into your inner thigh. 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you love him– Tell me you want this to stop”

His voice was softer now, composed, yet raspier than ever as all of his anger and frustration seemed to be caught in his throat, his eyes begging for the answer he was desperately waiting for. 

“I love him” 

Though it was merely half of a whispered confession, Hongjoong felt it like a dagger pushed right into his chest, ripping his heart apart. Still, his eyes remained locked with your, his gaze heavy with a thousand thoughts as his fingers pressed into your flesh a little harder, forcing a wince out of you. 

“You’re a pitiful liar…” Hongjoong spat through the heaviest scoff, his smokey breath coating your skin with goosebumps as he pushed himself away from you, his back hitting the wall again with force while your insides seemed to twist with guilt. You hated to see him like this, hated to disappoint the only genuine support you had in a fucked-up situation and above anything, you hated the fact he was completely right. 

Biting his black, painted nail out of spite, Hongjoong watched as you eventually lifted yourself up from the bed, gathering your coat and your handbag, ready to leave. Out of the many things you had in common, stubbornness was definitely the worst as it often led you both to stick to your positions, whether you were right or wrong, lacking communication in the moments you needed it the most. 

“You still comin’ to the show on friday, right?” Hongjoong eventually asked, completely ignoring the elephant in the room. 

“Yeah—yeah we’ll be there” 

You couldn’t miss the way he rolled his eyes, his obvious disgust painted all over his face as you recalled the many times Hongjoong had told you just how much he hated to hear you speak as a “we” when referring to such a dysfunctional relationship. 

Hopping on one foot to zip up your ankle boot, you gave him one last look, once again stunned at the way your heart would still skip a beat at the sight of this man. The complete opposite of the one you called your boyfriend. Hongjoong was the archetype of a rockstar, every single one of his features dripping with lust and temptation. From his nose ring to the thin silver cross dangling from his earlobe or the now slightly smudged eye-liner making his cat eyes pop out of his perfect face, you often found pride in the fact he could get any girl, boy and their cousins into his bed but still chose you at the end of the day. There wasn’t a single time where Hongjoong had failed to answer your calls and even today, when he was so impossibly busy recording a new album in his studio, there wasn’t a glimpse of hesitation as soon as he had seen your name flashing upon his phone screen. 

Consumed with guilt, you crawled back into bed to kiss him goodbye, every inch of your body trying not to brush his bare skin as you knew just how a single touch was enough for you to roll back into a filthy routine with the firmly established best fuck you ever had. While he wasn’t even trying to hide his bitterness, Hongjoong still allowed you to peck the corner of his lips just once without a flinch on his side - but as you were about to hop back into your feet and call it a day, you felt the strong grip of his hand behind your neck, pulling you back against his lips as his tongue was quick to find yours through a desperate, heavy kiss. 

“What a waste of a fucking perfect mouth” Hongjoong growled, your bottom lip throbbing from being abruptly pulled, his teeth nibbling at it like he was trying to suck the venom out of a bee sting until he was fully satisfied with the puzzled look on your face. You hated the way he looked at you and made you feel like the only girl left in the world, hated the fact your entire body craved him again and how he only seemed to be the only one making you clench over a simple kiss and how he had definitely ruined sex with your own boyfriend but still, as your eyes locked once again, you couldn’t deny just how much you adored him. Regardless of the conflicted, unbalanced relationship you two had, Hongjoong still remained your favorite, go-to person. 

Whether it was out of pride or the heartache of pulling apart, both of you failed to say a word as you quietly straightened yourself, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you escaped Hongjoong’s apartment at dusk. 

The walk back to your own place felt different this time, wrapped into your coat where Hongjoong’s strong signature scent remained all over you, the coldness of an early night hit you by surprise, but it was nothing compared to the sudden realization of your feelings for the man you had left behind. 

______________________________________________________________

Even a long bath wasn’t enough to get you rid of Hongjoong’s perfume, the smell of him so intense it felt like he had crawled under your skin to nest here forever and while you hated to admit it, there was something comforting about it, like having him around all the time made you safe and above anything, loved. 

Sheathed in the warm, bubbly water, you allowed yourself to close your eyes for a minute, head still buzzing with the chaos of your thoughts. Without a fail, Hongjoong’s face was the first thing to come to your mind as you slowly drifted into daydream, the intensity of his gaze over your naked body making your skin burn like an ardent fire while your hand instinctively found its way between your thighs, ghosting the way Hongjoong loved to dominantly cup your pussy into his palm to make sure you knew who it belonged to. 

Your fingers were quick to find your clit, rubbing it harshly to find the thrill you only seemed to find while locked into Hongjoong’s chokehold as he made you squirt repeatedly into his greedy palm, the smirk on his face a sight for sore eyes as you could vividly contemplate the pride within himself as he made you cum over and over again, his name never leaving your lips. Curling your digits, you could feel just how sore you were from the way he had pounded into you mercilessly earlier, the pain as vivid as your insufferable need to have him inside of you still. Hongjoong was nowhere near a soft lover to you, mostly because you never allowed him to be. You had made it clear from day one : what you needed from him was pure, filthy sex, leading him to have you up against a wall or bent over the desk in his studio, most of the time still partly dressed, the rush of being filled always beyond any sort of patience.

Your free hand grasping the edge of the tub, body trembling from the rush of an umpteenth orgasm, you were left panting, dizzy, but above anything: missing Hongjoong’s touch more than ever. 

 When your boyfriend showed up at your door that night, you were definitely ready to call it a day, both your body and mind exhausted by the events. Still, you knew how he always came back crawling after a fight, begging for your forgiveness while you had washed away the anger by riding another’s man cock until your boyfriend was merely a dark spot in the perfect cloudless sky of your life. 

Of course, he made love to you that night. The barbling mess of his pitiful excuses ending as soon as he started kissing your neck and calling you sweet pet names you used to love but now gave you the icks - and while you should have felt ashamed, as soon as he thrust himself into you, Hongjoong’s face was the only thing you could see, his perfect frame towering over you, his typical smirk sending you over the edge quicker than ever as you bit the inside of your cheek not to moan his name out loud.

______________________________________________________________

Friday came quicker than you thought, the entire week passing by without talking to Hongjoong as you tried to keep the broken pieces of your life together by being a good girlfriend to your partner, ignoring the fact you no longer felt anything whenever he kissed you, his name on your phone screen only making you roll your eyes in despair. 

You were ready to flip your phone so the screen would face your desk as it started buzzing with a new text, thinking it was probably your boyfriend confirming the time and place you two should meet later that night. You knew he wasn’t too happy about your evening’s plans, his passive-aggressiveness definitely increasing as the days went by while he probably hoped you’d change your mind about going to the show at all, but you weren’t having any of it. To be completely honest, the prospect of seeing Hongjoong again after days of absolute silence was the only thing sparing you from a proper mental breakdown. You missed him more than you would ever admit and when your eyes caught a glimpse of his name on your phone screen, there was no point denying the way your heart skipped a bit, your insides doing backflips as you opened his text.

from: joong ♥  still on for tonight? got a new song, can’t wait for you to hear it. 

Part of you was sad not to see his typical flirting tone, his text almost too formal when he usually loved to play with your nerves and send you the most inappropriate things at the worst possible times. You had lost count of his random sexting and obscene selfies while he knew you were stuck in a major meeting at work, surrounded by your entire hierarchy and definitely not in the best situation to enjoy the sight of his veiny hand tucked into his jeans, the obviousness of his bulge making you clench in silence. While it shouldn’t come as a surprise from an actual rockstar, Hongjoong’s unapologetic slutiness still left you baffled most of the time. 

You were quick to reply, your urge to sound busy definitely gone at the mere thought of a well-needed catch up.  from: youcan’t wait to hear it ! any dress code? x

While he stammered through the days as the absolute rock legend he was, arrogance of a king barely masked behind the audacity of a typical “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, Hongjoong still had a major fashion sense and would never get caught wearing the same outfit twice. On many occasions, he had even dared to flag a couple of your fits as outmoded, the disgusted look on his face speaking a thousand words - and while you couldn’t care less about people’s opinions most of the time, you inevitably seeked Hongjoong’s approval, his praises fueling your pride in a way only he knew how. 

from: joong ♥  well you know how I like your bare cunt but dickface would cry about it. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way he never missed an occasion to diss your boyfriend while rubbing your thighs together instinctively. The chokehold this man had on you was ridiculous at this point. 

from: youthat’s not very nice.

from: joong ♥  you don’t want me to be nice, doll. 

Chuckling into your palm, you could feel your entire face burning from all the flirting, once again a mere puddle of feels cupped into this man’s hands. The pet name sent you over the edge, your leg crossing above the other as you seeked for any sort of friction now that Hongjoong had unexpectedly lit that fire inside of you. Still, you had work to do and a couple hours ahead before the show. You couldn’t just concede to the filth of your thoughts just now. 

from: you see you tonight, joong. 

from: joong ♥  see u, doll 

As you bit your bottom lip to refrain a well-needed moan, you knew your day was ruined already but now you also dreaded the moment you would see Hongjoong again, not trusting yourself in the same room as your boyfriend while your entire body craved another man. 

_____________________________________________________________ 

The venue was packed- not that it was a surprise. While Hongjoong was still a superstar on the rise, his popularity had reached its peak lately with the release of a couple hit songs, his impeccable visuals and incredible writing skills making him an artist whose career was definitely taking a spin in the toughness of the current music industry. 

Obviously, Hongjoong had hooked you up with the nicest seats in the room, giving you the most perfect overlook at the crowd in the standing pit as you stood front row in the balcony, directly at the side of the stage making it easy for him to interact directly with you while you hoped he would behave for the sake of your mental strength. 

As your boyfriend made his way through the seat rows with two pints of beer, holding his arms up in the air to make sure he wouldn’t spill any, you smiled in content, loving the buzz of a pre-show as you recognized Hongjoong’s familiar music taste in the playlist hyping the crowd before his big entrance while trying your best to ignore the fact he had fucked you to a couple of these songs before. 

For a brief second, you thought to yourself that it wouldn’t be so bad to travel around the country and follow him on tour, the thrill of a sleepless night in a tour bus definitely getting you to clench over nothing while surrounded by a raging crowd who you knew was probably just as aroused by that man - the only difference was that you were lucky enough to know what his dick tasted like. 

You felt your boyfriend’s arms wrapping around your waist as soon as the lights went off, the crowd screaming at the mere sound of drums and you knew from his tight grip that it was nothing but him marking his territory, probably wishing Hongjoong would catch a glimpse of you two loved up in the front row. But to your own surprise, Hongjoong wasn’t the attention seeker you expected him to be, sticking to a couple glimpses every now and then, his smile inevitably widening at the sight of you wearing the cropped oversized Givenchy t-shirt he had bought for you a week ago, not missing the opportunity to let you know how great your tits would look without a bra in that crop cut. Obviously, you had failed to let your boyfriend know about your bare breast, keeping this detail as a dirty little secret between you and Hongjoong.

It wasn’t until he came back after a quick break in the middle of the show that your evening took a dramatic spin as Hongjoong grabbed the mic to face the crowd, making an announcement. 

“I’m gonna play the next song for the first time ever for you guys— I wrote it just a couple days ago so it might sound a little rough…. Then again, you know I like it rough, right?” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the raunchy comment, fascinated with the way he always knew how to entertain a crowd and make it his. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, didn’t seem to find his attitude amusing as he scoffed his bitterness directly into your ear before taking a long sip of his beer, his arm tightly wrapped around your neck. 

“The song’s called Baby Came Home and it’s about a girl who rides my dick like no one” 

Your heart jumped off your chest as soon as Hongjoong locked eyes with you, his mischievous smile growing bigger as every color seemed to fade away from your face, blood only rushing to your brain as the dizziness took over to the beat of the song. You could feel your boyfriend’s body stiffening at the sight of Hongjoong, watching him flirt with the mic stand as he hummed the lyrics in the most sensual way, the explicit filthiness of his thoughts pretty obvious for everyone in the crowd to see.

Baby came home today

Told me to stay away

She told me her man was afraid

Told me I better behave

Walking to the side of the stage, Hongjoong looked up directly into your eyes, his smile tucked in the corner of his lips as he raised an eyebrow in a taunting way, his tongue poking in the inside of his cheek while he pretended to choke himself with his black, painted nails, grazing his skin in a very specific way that purposely reminded you of the way you loved to scratch his neck whenever he filled you up to the brim. 

Thinking about her

She's gone all the time

I think if you found her

That even you would know she's mine

Jumping on top of one of the guitar amps so he would stand directly at your level, Hongjoong never paid attention to the rest of the crowd anymore, his eyes bouncing from yours to your boyfriend’s, finding pride in the way he seemed to be more and more furious with every word coming out of his mouth. Now if the lyrics weren’t enough, Hongjoong’s attitude was beyond any decency as he started to stutter the lyrics through a moan, body rolling against his own palm as he grabbed a handful of himself while keeping his gaze locked on you, knowing just how your body would react at the sight of him- and while you were definitely forced into the most awkward situation between your lover and boyfriend, you couldn’t deny just how wet his whole performance had gotten you already. 

Baby came home today

Told me to stay away

Told me her man was afraid

Told me I better behave

Petrified, you watched as Hongjoong smirked at your boyfriend, flipping him off with his tongue out in the most provocative way you could think of. You didn’t know exactly when he had stopped hugging you from behind but it’s only when Hongjoong dared to come closer, leaning forward to scream the very last part of the song that you realized he was already gone. Resting backwards with his back tilted in your direction and the back of his head against the edge of the balcony, Hongjoong closed his eyes, screaming the lyrics with his entire heart and soul, the violence of his words matching the hectic beating of your own heart into your chest. 

She's mine, she's mine

That girl is mine, she's MINE.

Out of breath, you felt suddenly exposed as the entire venue seemed to look at you like the main character in the story now that Hongjoong had failed to be discreet about it. Wrapping your own arms around yourself, you gave him a cold stare as he blew you a kiss, going back to the center of the stage like nothing happened. Alone and distraught, you missed the rest of the show, completely lost in your own thoughts, wrapped into a smokey haze from the stage and the awful smell of the beer your boyfriend had spilled on his way out. 

______________________________________________________________

“Are you out of your FUCKING mind?” you spat as you barged into the backstage room, directly aiming at Hongjoong as he was resting on the couch with one of his feet up the coffee table, his top already off his bare, sweaty chest. 

“Didn’t like my little homage, doll?” He smirked, obviously proud of his move as he waved his hand into the air, motioning for his bandmates to leave the room and give you privacy. 

“Oh they can stay– you made a complete fool of me in front of an audience, I can slap the shit out of you in front of your band, can’t I?” 

“Trust me, doll, you don’t want them to stay…” He was standing now, walking directly into your direction, his black, glittery eye-shadow melting with sweat from a two hours show in an overheated venue. His blonde hair was all over the place but still, he looked absolutely stunning. 

“Why’s that? Don’t want them to see you getting punched in the face?” 

“No, doll…” he shook his head with a smile, his hands already framing your face as he slowly walked you towards the nearest wall, “I just don’t want any of them to see you with a mouthful of my cock” his tone almost turned into a growl as he chuckled so close to your face you could feel the warmth of his breath ghosting your lips with a foggy coat filled with lust. 

“Fuck you, Hongjoong– you had no fucking right to do that!” You tried to push him away, your fist stammering against his chest as he kept you close still, his lips already attacking your neck as you found yourself locked between his body and the wall behind your back.

“Had to–” He barely groaned, nibbling at your neck “you didn’t know how to drop his pathetic ass— you should be fucking thankful” traveling his lips along your throat, Hongjoong purposely ignored your constant whining, his hands pushing past your top only to be delighted with the touch of your bare, erected nipples against his palms. 

“No bra, uh?” He smiled, a little too proudly for your liking, “see, you’re not just a brat after all– sometimes you do listen to me”. 

“Fuck off” You inevitably moaned as soon as his mouth found your tits, his viscious tongue darting against your nipple while his thumb toyed with the other. There was no point trying to fight any longer as your body failed to match your accusations. Pushing your hips against his growing bulge, your hands brushing through his hair as his started to suck on your breast through the most obscene sounds, you couldn’t help but moan under his touch, your thighs squeezed together so tightly you could almost feel your arousal spilling out of your crushed pussy. 

“You know damn well he could never fuck you like I do” Hongjoong added, his eyes finding yours again as one of his hand pulled at your hair, tilting your head just enough to confirm his statement while the other was already unbuckling his belt, the sound of his zipper sounding like a blissful reward as your mouth inevitably started to water. 

“Lost your tongue, doll?” He smiled, his hand abandoning his hardened cock to slip between your thighs forcefully, his middle finger immediately collecting a fair coat of your wetness and spreading it along your slit at a painfully slow pace. 

“You can say you hated every part of it but your body says otherwise— I think you’d let me fuck you in front of that crowd if you had a chance… Let everyone see how I make this pussy mine, hmm?” His lips were back on yours again, nibbling, licking, biting until you caved and started to grind against his palm, wishing his fingers would slip inside of you already. Hongjoong definitely had a way with words that tickled your imagination in the best possible ways, and for a second, you were definitely kneeling on that stage, both of his hands holding your head still as he deepthroated you in front of a crowd, the painful mix of humiliation and exhibition kink taking its toll on you as your body instinctively slipped against the wall until you were down on your knees, eye-leveled with Hongjoong’s cock. 

Without a word, you looked up to meet his gaze, finding pride in the way his lips curved into an O as soon as you wrapped your hand around his shaft, teasing his balls with the flat of your tongue until you started to drag your lips along his stiff cock, taking your time to coat him with saliva as you felt him groan behind his gritted teeth, his hands fiddling with your hair while you finally pushed his head past your lips, swallowing every inches of him until the bitter taste of precum hit the back of your throat. 

While you loved to give him head, his cock a perfect fit for your trained jaw, you didn’t feel like going all the way today, a simple taste more than enough to get the fuel going as you popped him out of your lips before your knees even started to bruise against the carpeted floor. Luckily, as rough as Hongjoong could be as a lover, he was never the one forcing you into doing anything and while any other man could have kept you down until your face was plastered with cum, this one man you adored never complained about the throbbing hard-on you had left behind. 

“Fuck, doll- you don’t even know how much I fucking adore you…” Hongjoong almost whispered through a kiss, unbothered by his own taste over his tongue as both of his hands found their way behind your thighs, lifting you up against the wall as your legs were left dangling above his veiny arms and wide open for him. 

It only took a single, powerful thrust to make you scream his name, your back slamming forcefully against the wall as Hongjoong started to hammer himself into your soaking wet cunt, his throat vibrating against your shoulder as he growled out of complete bliss, loving the way you swallowed him entirely and the obscenity of your skin slapping together mixed with the thundering sound of your body crashing against the wall everytime he pinned you back into it. He was merciless, as usual, only this time there seemed to be something different, your heart skipping a beat the moment your legs attached behind his back so he could grab both of your hands, intertwining your fingers together  as he kept it firmly against the wall while pounding at a brutal pace. 

Panting heavily, pins and needles all over your legs, your eyes finally locked with his, his lips slightly red from sucking on your neck for too long as his face seemed painted with a newly found type of adoration, eyes filled with love as his mouth curved into a soft smile to match his decreasing pace. The longer you stared into each other's eyes, the softer Hongjoong seemed to become, his hips rolling slowly against you as he barely pulled out anymore, finding his peak in the way you seemed to keep him inside your warmth, never letting go. Tilting his head to the side, his mouth found yours one more time, his kiss a lot softer yet deeper this time, tongues rolling over each other as you both hummed in perfect euphoria. 

Lifting you up and off the wall, Hongjoong made sure you were tightly attached to his hips as he walked you towards the couch, crashing his back against it while you straddled his lap, his cock never slipping out as you started to bounce slowly, enjoying every inch of him while his hands pushed your shirt past your shoulders, lips all over your shoulders, throat and chest. 

“Fuck—Joong…” You moaned as soon as his lips smacked around your tit, pulling at it slightly while rolling his tongue over your erected nub, your back arching naturally into his palm as you could feel yourself getting closer to climax. 

“I’m close” There you were again, whimpering into this man’s arms, cunt full of him, both of your hands framing his perfect face as your eyes dived into his soul while he drove you to the most blissful state, just like days before.

Only this time he didn’t ask for you to wait for him.

Both of you had already waited long enough to be there. 

At last, you were home. 

[the-rainbow-lesbian]

Hi @menalez, you know I thought I was being courteous by keeping quiet about my grievances with you and not airing them publicly but I guess that isn't mutual, if you really wanted to have a conversation with me you could've talked to me on discord, you're not blocked there.

when October 7th first happened I was unwell tbh and very confused, I thought the world went mad when a massacre against the Jewish state and Israelis (both Jewish and Arab but the majority were Jews and they were targeted for being Jewish) somehow made them hateful against Jewish people, even the diaspora, I was also very confused when the "feminists" of the world even the radical feminists remained silent on the mass rape used as a weapon against Israeli women or tried to deny and minimize it. This is gonna sound dramatic but I haven't been the same person ever since because I lost my trust in people, I don't trust anyone who has no sympathy for others based on their ethnicity and nationality.

and when I went to tumblr I saw that you were also sharing content from antisemites, although you tried to distance yourself from it, sure Hamas did kill babies and rape women, but it wasn't as bad as the media is making it out to be, as if there is a number of raped women and murdered babies that needs to be met before we recognize this as a genocidal act by Hamas? I tried to read what you shared and honestly the people you tried to refute (badly) made more sense to me.

I spent a huge portion of my time watching content about the conflict even when I am working, reading about it, talking to my friend about it, I sought out another friend of mine who is retired professor who has visited Israel multiple times to learn from her, I listened to Jewish people and Israelis and also to Palestinians, I shared articles from Palestinian authors and a Muslim woman about the war, I am reading a book by Mosab Hassan Yousef, the son of one of Hamas' founders, I didn't listen to the ones who cheered on October 7th which is fair, terrorists and their supporters don't have integrity. so even though you said I "admitted I don't know shit" and I am "willfully ignorant" I am really not, I am not an expert, I wish I could read and learn more than what I am already doing but I work full-time on 5-6 hours of sleep then travel on the weekends to see my girlfriend, so I am sorry I didn't know much about Christian Zionists? I'd rather not run on my mouth over something I don't know much about, it doesn't make all of my other opinions invalid somehow. I've always been the type of person who tries to do at least some research before forming an opinion and being outspoken about it.

you also said I am brainwashed by my country's antisemitism and I am "rebelling" (which is so fucking condescending I am not a child trying to prove a point) but actually I never agreed that the holocaust was good and that Hitler was a hero like the majority of people around me did, even if I had problematic beliefs I would never agree with genocide. it's also interesting that you refer to this rightfully as propaganda but do you know which news channel was funneling this and playing in my house? it was Aljazeera, and you share from them all the time without a hint of scrutiny, of course anything Israel says must be met with scrutiny but anything coming out of Hamas and Qatar is trustworthy even though both are islamofascist that don't allow any freedom of press, very interesting.

so mena, as an Arabic speaker why don't you look into Aljazeera's Arabic websites and articles where they don't sugarcoat the antisemitism for the western audience and share them with your followers? or anything from Hamas' leaders? are you intentionally misleading them or just lazy? not sure which is worse.

I do have sympathy for middle eastern women and that includes Israeli women! Which is why I'll never support an Islamic state, they are the worst for women. There is more going on in the middle east than just western imperialism, not everything is the west's fault and even if it was we should have more accountability and not just overlook terrorism and other problems we have, prophet Mohammad didn't need Zionism or western imperialism to massacre the Jews of Banu Qurayza, which was so horrific I decided to fully become an ex-muslim after reading about it and I was questioning my faith for two years at that time.

You accused me of supporting genocide which is..... wow there is a lot to say about that, but I won't get into it now, you said this isn't in character for me as an "empathetic and intelligent woman" you're right, maybe the genocide accusation against Israel is blood libel and unfounded, because why would I support genocide? have you tried to read anything besides Qatar and Hamas approved propaganda? have you listened to other opinions in good faith without plugging your ears calling them Zionists (as if it's a bad thing to want self-determination and not be a dhimmi anymore) and blocking them?

I don't know where you get the audacity to say that I am ignorant and should do the "decent thing" and shut up, do you have any Jewish loved ones? do you worry about them on a daily basis because of antisemitism and how antisemitic hate crimes have increased to an insane level? I can't go a day without seeing new incidents reported, which you have ignored of course, because the only good Jew to you is a Jewish person who just affirms your beliefs so you can delude yourself into thinking you're a good person, but after that you don't really care, do you think antisemites ask Jewish people if they're Zionists before they harass and assault them? get off your fucking high horse, I don't owe you shit and you have no right to judge me, if anyone should shut up it's you, the rhetoric and the blood libels you share is the same fucking rhetoric inciting the increase in hate crimes, sincerely fuck off :)

[hillerskalibrary]

Event poll results!

(summary version)

So last week I opened a poll to check what kind of YR fandom events you guys wanted to see and the respondents were... how shall I put it... "very excited" is most applicable I think? ;)

Because I'm a nerd who likes to analyze the results but also doesn't want to chase her entire following away, I'm going to make two result posts:

This post, where I will summarize the results as succint as I can, and address some of the remarks and suggestions that I received. I'll also make a conclusion on what I would suggest to do - feedback on that is certainly welcome!

A second post (which I'll link when I finish it, most likely tomorrow or even after cause I'm slow as fuck) with some more graphs, percentages, observations, cause I don't know shit about statistics but that won't stop me from having fun with it!

Fair warning - it's pretty long. I just find it easier to explain a little about the decisions I'm (not) taking, both to invite discussion and because I don't want this to be a black box blog that does whatever and you never know why. That being said...

Ready? Let's go!

RESULTS

I received 72 responses, 36 writers and 36 readers.

The top 3 most wanted events by READERS is: Big Bang (89%), Theme Week (86%), and Weekly Challenges (83%). The event they were least excited about is Author Interviews (56%).

The top 3 events writers most want to PARTICIPATE in is, in order: Author Interviews (69%), Theme Week (64%), and Fic Exchange (61%). The events they DO NOT want to participate in are Author Interviews (25%), very closely followed by Big Bang and Advent (both 22%).

READERS were (very) slightly more excited about a Wilmon theme week rather than a general YR week. WRITERS clearly preferred a general YR week. For both groups, a YR women week comes in third, and rarepair week is fourth.

All types of weekly writing challenges suggested scored similarly.

(I know some of these seem contradictory, which I why I'll make the second post explaining how I calculated these rankings and why -for example- Author Interviews are both the most AND the least popular event for writers ;) )

SUGGESTIONS

A lot of people wrote in suggestions, which I was SUPER happy about (I closed the form now but if you have any more, please just hit my inbox or DM me at @hilliska). A few people also offered to help, which I'm definitely gonna hold you to when decisions are starting to get made! ;)

Many people were excited about possible collabs between writers and artists.

"What about a "finish your draft/wip" or "write a new chapter on a wip". I have so many languishing WIPs…" I think this is an EXCELLENT idea tbh - though we could incorporate it in the big bang by allowing wips as well. Also, as an FYI, there is also a (non-fandom-specific) Finish Your Shit-Big Bang that takes place every year (though this year's round is close to posting already) ;).

"I’d also love to see more Podfic in this fandom, but I don’t know how that could be an event." I have zero experience with podfic but this does sound (ha!) like it could be fun. Maybe someone has experience with this from a different fandom? (honestly I'd love to experiment with this so hmu)

"Authors sign up to take one shot requests or readers get to write a prompt. Or if readers could submit or vote on prompts or something? Or readers submit a song and author writes a one shot based on a song. Something like that where readers can be involved too :)" We could also easily incoporate this in a big bang - do a prompt bang or a reverse bang (fic based on art) for example? Or maybe involve readers in the weekly challenges, by suggesting tropes/words/... ?

"Write a comment on a fic-week!" Yessss!!!! I am like... 95% sure there is a tumblr-wide event for this already but I can't for the life of me find it. So I could signal boost that or yeah, we could just pin a day ourselves :).

"Group chat/watch" I'm afraid I'm not the right person to organize this kind of thing, but if you've been thinking of doing this and you were afraid no one would be interested - this is your sign!! ;)

"live writing event" Same as above - though I do think there's some discords where this happens already?

"Some sort of collab, where authors get to write a fic together." This could definitely be fun! There is currently one that originated on Twitter called Unlabeled - I don't know all the writers but I recognize at least @yourdemiurge, @skydragon05, @1-life-to-give, and @in-amor-veritas. Which obviously doesn't help if you're a writer wanting to collab, but at least there's people with experience in this fandom ;).

"Maybe a poetry week?" I don't even write poetry but I'm obsessed with this suggestion. Could also be a writing challenge? Not sure about a whole week either, but there's World Poetry Day in March so maybe that can be a mini-event?

"Something not fic centered? Like fanart, edits, cosplay etc." This is one of those things that I'm throwing out there for other people to run with, maybe, because. Well, I'm a writer and I know fic, but I really don't know much about the rest... Which is not to say I don't want to (help) run anything like this because it definitely could be fun, but it's a little out of my wheelhouse. But maybe @youngroyalsfanartarchive can help or knows people who would?

And now what??

Consider the below not as a definitive list but as a stream-of-consciousness conversation starters, so don't hesitate to send me your thoughts.

I will definitely do a Big Bang. Prompt-based or art-based or wip-based or something else remains to be decided, but this will happen. It will not happen NOW, however, because we don't know when season 3 will air. Big Bangs are big events, they ask a lot from writers, and if the s3 premiers at any time between signups and publications, it's going to make everything more difficult. But there was sufficient interest by writers to participate, so once we got a s3 date I want to put a timeline on this.

I'm talking with people about a possible YR women's week. The general/Wilmon week scored higher in the polls, but since we already had that in spring I'd like to switch it up a little.

I would like to do *something* for the anniversary of s2. Don't want to go regular theme week for this because of the above possibility, but maybe the not-fic-centered event could be good for this - we could do favorite episode/favorite non-wilmon character/... which are things that non-content-creators can also participate in by writing a short paragraph, reblogging gifsets/art of that episode/character, ... "Finish your wip" would also be a good one for this though :)

The people behind the 2023 Secret Santa will not organize one this year, but I don't really want to jump in that, necessarily, because there's enough other possibilities and they might be back. But a Valentine fic exchange could maybe work?

The advent calendar idea drew mixed reactions (maybe because it's less well known?) and while I do think it could be fun, there's enough other things that people are excited about, so I'm putting it in the freezer for now.

The weekly challenges also drew mixed reactions - both readers and writers were excited to see them happen, but only a third of writers said they would definitely/probably participate. Then again, half of them said they would POSSIBLY participate. Maybe because it's an ongoing thing, so they don't want to promise they'd participate EACH WEEK but only sometimes? So I'm not sure about this (also because it would significantly up the time required to maintain the blog). So I'd love more feedback on this to see which shape or form you guys would like this to take.

Fic recs scored solidly in the middle of the possibilities for both reader and writers. I wanted to include it because I was curious, but I'm a little hesitant to really do something with it, mostly because it often ends up being a popularity contest and. Well. We already know how to sort by kudos/comments on AO3. So I'm curious to hear other people's experiences on how to maybe circumvent that.

The Author Interviews were the most contested event - even (or rather *especially* among writers (and I secretly think it's hilarious the most wanted event by writers is the one that doesn't require them to write at all :D). I do think it could be fun (though I admit this is a format mostly geared towards writers) to help other writers to find other people to collaborate with, find betas, learn about different writing processes, ... And a self-rec feature would allow for fic recs without the popularity factor. So I'll most likely run this as a (bi-)weekly feature alongside the other events.

[chimeraan]

tbh I don't actually know what to do or say to people on here who won't interact or will completely dismiss genres not wholly associated with white people

Inevitably some well meaning person who knows their shit is going to make a playlist of non-white artists for tumblr to listen to, perfectly curated towards tumblr's taste, and then what? That'll end up being the only thing outside the usual shit that they even touch.

These people won't even listen to weirder LGBT artists since there's a yearly conversation about how there's no LGBT representation on the billboard 100 and there are constantly people telling them actually there's a shit tonne of music made by queer people you just have to do a bandcamp, rym or even Spotify search. It's just not yknow gonna sound like Swift or Lemon Demon or whatever.

The dismissal of entire genres of music stems from imo a lack of curiosity, an unwillingness to empathise and an aversion to being uncomfortable whilst experiencing art you're not familiar with.

When I first listened to jazz (Dexter Gordon's Our Man in Paris (an all time fave now)), it didn't immediately click but I was curious and wanted to understand it. It was worth it, since it's a great album but it took tike, I had to open myself up to experiencing something new.

It's not always easy experiencing or trying to understand new art or people but it's obviously worth it since the musical world (and the world in general) is so rich with new experiences and sounds. I just do not know how to relay this to tumblr users or just Internet people in general though, especially when they're so willing to just dismiss entire genres outright based on preconception.

(There's also an even deeper conversation here about how people won't even try to experience art made by people from different countries (that are not Japan or Korea). I don't even know how to unpack that shit tho)

[wheeler-fan]

Hiii! Sorry if I sound weird or disrespectful in some way, I was curious if it’s a common experience for you as a mileven shipper to go on byler tag just to try to understand their point of view. Like you go “ahh byler shippers make no sense, I wonder what are their thoughts on that scene/dialogue/etc” and then read some theories to understand them better. For example I am a byler and anti-mileven which means I completely don’t get this ship so I sometimes scroll through mileven tag or blogs to see “what are you guys on” (w/o negative tone)😭basically learning more abt mileven. Cause sometimes I see anti-byler posts where author obvi doesn’t even know what there’re talking abt and same thing with some anti-mileven ones. In my country there’s a popular phrase “know your enemy in the face”, it basically means you can’t hate anything not knowing what it is and I actually think that’s really important, some ppl should take notes lol, sorry for yapping. I’m not texting you specifically bc I have a beef with you or anything, I actually love your blog cause your posts (even tho I disagree ofc) are valid. I’m sure you cook such wonderful meals for your community and honestly? Keep going!! (I’ll read your stuff too 😼)I tried to make this ask anonymous but can’t find the button on the tablet so you can come at me if you need😭

heyyy, good question but it depends

usually i just text random byler shippers (or friends that ship byler but I don't have much of them so if you're a byler shipper and we're moots it actually means that you're super cool 😭😭😭) and ask them about their point of view

tbh i don't spend much time on tumblr bc i hate to see what people are doing to my fav character here (mike) and also i kinda feel like byler on tumblr is like a new reddie fanfic version 💀 emo boy and a sensitive little baby🥰🥰 I'm sorry 😭

I read a lot of byler theories mainly because of Mike, and usually they don't make sense to me, but honestly I found theories that were really good even though I ship Mileven

tbh for me byler would make way more sense if not the fact that there's only one season left and mike doesn't even know that will isn't straight - actually will haven't done a coming out even to his mom yet😭😭 i just feel like there's not enough time for all of this sorry guys

but i get why people ship it and even if that doesn't make much sense to me- if u want to ship them u can like it's not that deep it's just a fictional ship, the only thing i ask for- don't talk shit about my ship to make yours more valid please

also, even if I'm reading byler theories for fun to talk about them later with my mileven moots I'm trying to keep it for myself, i don't want to talk shit about byler cuz i don't want people to do the same to my ship. Like i get that we share a character but we don't have to kill ourselves 😭 just focus on your own ship..

answering ur question: I'm not searching for an explanation on tumblr or sth bc the explanation will be like : mike and will wear green so byler endgame 😝

i just ask an actual byler on pv so i can understand something better which is actually funny cuz i can randomly text someone and be like: hey I'm a mileven shipper but i wanted to ask, can u explain the birthdaygate to me? and i will get a whole paragraph about it😭 (btw thanks to the random byler that explained it to me before ross posted will byers on ig)

[zeltqz]

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

[downbadmostofthetime]

I ranked all of the obey me songs so here are my rankings + my opinions

sorry for large wall of text idk how tumblr works tbh

25th: Our Destiny- Solomon

I listened to this song like once and then never again

This song is so bad I’m sorry

I can see why I never touched this song again after it came out oh my god

24th: On Your Way- Demon Brothers

Roblox Tycoon Music

First time listening and it’s eh

Yeah no I don’t like it

23rd: My Wish- Luke

I’m so sorry Luke I love you as a son you are my son my boy but this song just ain’t it

Sounds like a youtube gachatuber intro song

This song is not good I have nothing else to say

22nd: Telepathy- Beel and Belphie

Honestly I’ve never really liked this song

It’s cute but it’s just not my thing

Somehow I forgot Beel and Belphie were twins. I don’t know how but I did

SATOSHI ONISHI

Yeah I don’t really have much to say

21st: Arcadia- Lucifer

The guitar here is tasty

I don’t like the voice distortion. Also Lucifer sounds weird in some parts

I don’t really like the music after the first chorus. It sounds like it belongs somewhere else than in his song

I forgot how high-pitched Lucifer sounds here, it’s not a bad thing though it’s just a bit jarring

I don’t hate this song as much as I used to though (I think)

20th: It’s My Party- Demon Brothers

I forgot if this is the opening or the ending song

It’s a nice song I guess

The chorus hits but everything else misses

19th: Choose Me- Mammon, Levi and Asmo

Ah yes, the unfortunate leftovers forced to sing together (because Beel and Belphie have their twin dynamic and Lucifer and Satan have that hatred or whatever, if that makes sense)

This song is alright? I used to like it a lot more but now it’s just kinda bad

One of those songs that’d be overplayed on the radio that I would get sick of very quickly

I thought Asmo had an extra finger on the cover art

18th: Trigger- Levi, Asmo and Beel

The leftovers forced to sing together part 2 (Why are Levi and Asmo in both leftover songs)

When did this song come out (it came out today)

I don’t like this song much

Actually I lied it’s okay (I guess)

Why does Beel sound like the butler guy from Paradox Live

17th: Question Love- Simeon

Simeon my boy what did they do to you

I used to hate this song but it slowly grew on me

Another overplayed radio song

The cover art holy shit

Please give Simeon another character song Yu Hirata slayed but the song does him so dirty

Simeon sounds like his voice has been heavily autotuned(?)

16th: Are You Ready?- Mammon

Mammon sounds like he’s talking for most of the song (if not, all of it)

Rather than being an overplayed radio songs, it sounds like one of those gems that gets played once a month on the radio

This song is nice

15th: Rock On!!- Lucifer and Mammon

I actually like this song

I didn’t expect to like it as much as I do

I have nothing else to say

14th: With You- Demon Brothers

A slow song

I like this one

I also have nothing else to say really

13th: Dreamscape- Belphie

I love Satoshi Onishi btw his voice is so nice

This song is like a breath of fresh air and I love it

I don’t have much to say about this song other than I love Satoshi Onishi’s voice

12th: Take It Easy- Satan and Belphie

I like this song way more than I thought I would

This song is a huge vibe

11th: Read My Heart- Satan

It’s a nice and calming song, like Belphie’s, it’s a breath of fresh air

Shinya Sumi did such a great job here

I’m such a huge sucker for slow songs

Refreshed my brain thank you Satan Obey Me

10th: Eternal- Demon Brothers

Another breath of fresh air

I really like how this one sounds

This was my first time listening to this song and I really liked it!

It reminds me of when I cried to an a3 song (the slow song where every actor sings)

If I was deep into my Obey Me phase still I probably would’ve cried to this song today

9th: No.1- Diavolo

I went insane when this song came out

I was so happy to see that the side characters were getting songs that I exploded into a million pieces

I replayed the trailer so many times the full version did not disappoint

King

8th: My Chance!- Levi

I love the music in this song, it sounds like it belongs in a game

If I recall, Satoshi Kada didn’t really have much singing experience prior to this song

BUT HE ATE AND LEFT NO CRUMBS!!

This song has made me cry before

Leviathan my scrunkly

7th: Hungry Six Pack- Beel

GOD I LOVE SONGS LIKE THIS

This was the first song to come out after I got into Obey Me (January 2021) so it’s special to me in some way

I love how in some parts Beel sounds kind of desperate to get rid of his hunger, really adds more to him and his character

What kind of title is ‘Hungry Six Pack’ though 🤨

6th: Pomade- Asmo

I love Miura Ayme he solos

I’ve probably also cried to this song before

Sounds like an idol boy song that i’d hear 200+ times but actually like

Yes hit those high notes!! Pop off!!

Would anyone believe me if I said Asmo is my favourite demon brother

Ugly crying to his song rn (help me)

5th: Passion- Lucifer and Satan

I remember wanting this song to be a heavy metal duet . It’s not but I still like it

I think I went insane when this song came out

Such a banger

I think my dad likes this song

They harmonise so well!!

4th: Sinful Indulgence- Miura Ayme

THIS SONG IS SO GOOD FOR AN OPENING

I wish more people would listen to Miura’s songs it’s just banger after banger

I think my parents like this song

This song goes so hard Miura Ayme never misses

3rd: Celestial Ray- Miura Ayme

I did not know Celestial Ray was an Obey Me song

THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD

The slow part!! Before the chorus!!!!

Miura Ayme has never missed part 2

2nd: Loveless- Miura Ayme

Three Miura Ayme songs back to back

God I love Miura Ayme’s songs

I’ve cried to this song

IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD

Ugly crying at the chorus

Obey Me devs please let Miura Ayme make more songs for Obey Me. They all go so hard

THE SLOW PART OH MY GOD more ugly crying

1st: Crazy About You- Barbatos

I went fucking INSANE when the trailer for this song dropped

IT’S SUCH A GOOD SONG

God that chorus HITS. IT’S SO GOOD

I am the Barbatos Fan ever!!

I replayed the trailer for this song so many times when it came out

THE WHISPERING

This song sent me to the ER from how good it is

THE GUITAR SOLO??? HELLO?????

They should give Barbatos another solo song he slayed fr

[grippingbeskar]

salt, ice and fire

chapter twenty two - teamwork makes the dreamwork

warnings: canon typical violence, graphic depiction of injuries, punisher type shit again boys. swearing, some creepy shit tbh borderline stalker shit like someone call svu. this bitch is kinda creeping me out tbh. NOT loving the vibes.

a/n: okay i hate the beginning of this chapter but just GET THRU OKAY. BARE W/ ME!!!! cute stuff sprinkled in with the pain. you guys should SEE the draft for the next chapter omfg. it’s becoming a lot. OKAY GO.

— also, i’m really hoping i got everyone in the taglist, some of the tags aren’t working maybe due to your tumblr settings?? i’ll keep adding ur names if it fixes itself :) and let me know if ur not on it and would like to be!

[series masterlist] [previous chapter]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Ten.”

“Fourteen. Easily.”

“Ten.” Frank says a little harsher in your ear. “There’s ten of ‘em.”

“I just counted twelve. The stairway has at least three people.” The other end of the line goes quiet now, and you adjust the volume of the speaker in your ear to make sure you aren’t missing anything. “Frank?”

“Yeah. Fourteen.” He says quietly, and you can almost see the face he’s making. So stubborn.

“You didn’t see the stairwell, did you?”

“Alright, smart ass. Move down, I’ll meet you at the end.”

“What would you do without me?” You sigh and hear the line click off. Even here, tucked away behind the glass window outside the building, it was hard not to smile.

You’d arrived at the base about an hour ago, but there’d been too many people to pull up right away. Frank had spent the rest of the time going through the points of entry and exits in every room from when he was here the first time. There was one area of the holding he didn’t know, though, and a blacked out spot on the map. You’d have to figure it out while you were down there. Down there, even thinking about it made you squirm.

“Be careful.” His voice quickly adds as you shuffle inside the gap of the window, and it clicks off again before you can reply. Your heart still skips a little every time he says shit like that, but when your feet land on the hard concrete ground, any fluffy feelings drop out and splat next to them.

Even the smell of this place makes you want to vomit. It had been a while since you’d seen the top side of this base, but it’s in a hell of a lot worse shape than you remember. Riddled with bullet holes and held up with half-finished scaffolding, it was one gust of wind away from falling in on itself. Besides the condemned state, the building was alive only because of the men crawling around inside of it. Frank was on the opposite side to you, getting the high ground above a group of fourteen milling around the outside. You were tasked with getting inside the locker that held the master keys, and the enhanced strength in your veins nearly hums at the chance of release.

You used to dream about those keys. That box in this room, how teasingly close it was.

Keeping yourself tucked tight to the wall, you try to leave as little trace as possible bare the footprints trailing behind you in the settled dust. As you shift further into the building, you hear something fall and clatter off to your left. You disappear into the shadows as two men walk past, lost in conversation. A familiar buzz rushed in your veins— a feeling you normally hated, but now it was you calling for it, it made you feel strong. Powerful.

You stepped out just as the men stopped in front of the door you needed to enter, and neither of them had the time to scream before you tore them apart— the only sound the clatter of keys falling against the concrete, and the muffled tearing of flesh.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Frank felt good. It’s a thought he only had admitted a few times, but firing rounds into an open target range, hearing every single one pound into muscle and bone— it felt good.

Even here, surrounded and boxed in on all sides, he still looked down to where you were, watching you try about eight different keys before you figured out the one to the lockbox. His job was to take out as many as he could while you got the keys to go downstairs, and by the time you were done, you’d take it together. He knew the real prize was downstairs, but he’d have to kill every man in this room before he’d let you go down there, and he’d be right in front of you.

The empty click of his gun shot him back into the moment, dropping the larger one for the pistol in his jeans. He moved closer to the remaining five men, making the first shot count right through the eye of the man closest to him. He heard you before he saw you, even the pained groans of the men he was laying into wouldn’t be enough to block out his sensors that honed into you.

A man came from the left, and he took a quick step back, using the momentum to grab the opposite side of his head and slam it over the railing. His skull gave way, cracking in a splatter of dark red, practically pouring over the right side of Franks body. He swung first on the next guy, feeling bones break under the strength of his punch. It was some sick kind of therapy, but it was here he used to feel the most comfortable— throwing his weight behind every hit, there used to be no where else he’d find his brain quiet.

Not now. All he could think of was this morning. Having you laid on his chest, his hands in your hair, and how he didn’t have to think of anything else. Couldn’t dream of it, not when you were that close; close enough he could feel the soft flutter of your eyelashes on his skin, or the trace of your fingers along the scars on his chest. As he watched the consciousness fade out of the eyes of the man in front of him, for the first time in years he found himself wishing he could be somewhere else.

The man drops to his knees in front of him, then face plants onto the concrete floor. You followed, jumping from the upper floor railing down in front of him, your face screwed up as you looked him up and down.

“Way to be discreet.” He can feel the blood pooling in his shoes with each step he takes, ignoring the comment and following you towards the two locked doors that lead to the basement.

“You get the keys?” You were already putting them in the door, but as you turned the key, they didn’t budge.

“These are the ones. It’s just old.” You look up at him, and turn the handle again, shoving your shoulder into the door. It moves slightly, but as you wind up again, Frank kicks it down, stopping you from whacking it again. Rubbing your now bruised shoulder, you look up at him. “I had it.”

“I know.” He steps through first. It’s dark in the corridor, the two of you stopping at the top of the first set of stairs. No lights, and a layer of dust resting mid air gives the whole place an eerie feel. If Frank was even getting a bad feeling from this place, he didn’t need to say anything to know what was going through your head.

He reaches out, threading his fingers through yours and watching as you grab tightly as soon as he fits his hand to you. You were holding him like a vice, and even though your face was calm, your hand was shaking no matter how tightly he held you back.

“Thought you said you wouldn’t hold my hand to do this.” Frank sighs, shaking his head doing nothing to hide the small smile that only you could give him.

“I’m full of shit. You know that.”

“Yeah.” You breathe out, stepping closer to him. You take the stairs two at a time, but he doesn’t mistake the pace for eagerness, if only to get this shit over with as fast as possible. And it would be, fast and quick. In and out. Frank promised he wouldn’t let anything happen to you— and this time, he was planning on keeping it.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You hadn’t realised how far down you were. All those years down here, and you thought it was only a few levels. You used to be able to hear the gun shots going off above you, and you thought it must only be about 10 flights of stairs at the most. You feel like you’ve been going down sets of stairs for hours now.

You haven’t heard anything yet, but you know Bobby will be hiding out somewhere down here. Very few people knew this place existed, and fewer would know the ins and outs of the cells. His father even used this place as a hideout a few times— and it was this that ticked in the back of your mind when you saw that blacked out part on the map. Knowing how twisted Bobby is, you could only imagine what his father used this giant space for. It was a fucking maze even in the light, but it only got darker and darker the further you went.

Neither of you have spoken, not wanting to give your position away, and about twenty minutes ago your initial fear had worn off and you’d dropped Franks hand, the contact only making you wish you weren’t here. It was like you were magnetised to him— not able to stop yourself from wanting to be closer, no matter where you were. Even here, and maybe it was the perfect distraction, because before you knew it, you caught a glimpse of flat ground, and you know you’d made it to the bottom.

“Stay behind me.” Frank whispers in your ear, his hand lightly squeezing your hip as he gets in position. Still no lights, and not a sound.

“The cell. It’s close. We can start there.” You say, and Frank nods, seemingly remembering. His jaw twitches, a tell tale sign he was hyping himself up for a fight.

You walk behind Frank, not that you’re given much of a choice. The walkway was narrow, and the cell doors next to you were all swung wide open except for the one that the end. Yours. You notice a door between cells, closed, with a chain and lock wrapped around it. Frank stops when you point it out silently, trying the handle. When it doesn’t budge, he pushes you to keep walking, but looks over the top of you at the door again.

“You remember it?” As far as you can remember, there was only meant to be the door they took you out of down here, which was behind you on the opposite side of your old cell. Frank shakes his head.

“Wasn’t on the layout..”

“We’ll come back.” Frank urges you further, sticking to your original plan. Madani had sent him a blueprint of the building from when her and the CIA had raided it all those months ago.

Frank stops suddenly, you nearly running into the back of him. Stepping around, you nearly choke on your exhale.

You didn’t want to feel anything. It was just a room, one that you weren’t attached to anymore. It felt so long ago when you weren’t here, but now you were surrounded by the smell of stale air, and seeing the old stains on the concrete— it knocked the wind out of you. You went to step closer, but Franks arm stopped you.

“Not here. Let’s go back.” Frank says, pulling you back.

Right. Bobby. You look around for any signs of life— and he really wasn’t here. That was impossible, you knew him. You remember what he said last time. He…

“He’s not here.” You spin around, confused. “Why would he not be here?”

“Too open. We can wait him out—“

“He should be here. Or at least, around here.” Your voice gets a little louder, and Frank looks over his shoulder before walking closer to you.

“He’s got men here. We’ll find him. We gotta wait it out.” The room felt smaller all of a sudden, the walls feeling way to close. You felt like if you breathed each shoulder would press into the hard, cold concrete. “He’s hiding. Probably back there.”

You could hardly hear him anymore.

You forgot how cold it was in here. Like standing on a frozen lake with none of the open space. You hadn’t realised your eyes were squeezed shut until Franks hands grabbed your face and you felt the light flood back to them.

“Hey.” His voice is calming, even though it’s low and gravelly.

“I don’t want to be in here anymore.” You whisper.

“Let me get you out of here.” He tries to guide you but your legs move so slow. You were shaking like a leaf. It was too soon to be here— you couldn’t do this. It was too soon. The chains that were wrapped around your ankles were still resting in the corner, wrapped to the leg of the bed.

Your chest started to burn, and a feeling you hardly remembered started to bubble in your stomach, but Frank made you focus.

“Tell me about it. The door up here. You ever seen anyone goin’ in or out?”

“I don’t even know if I’ve seen it before.” Your voice wavered, and Frank stayed close to you as you stepped further away from the cell. “I don’t… I don’t think it was ever open. I would of seen it— an open door only a few meters away. Maybe when I was asleep, or his— no. Wait, I remember his dad said something about it, or something about a hanger or something. He used to have vintage planes restored under the building. Maybe it’s below us?”

“Okay. Good. Doin’ good. You think you can break the chain?” Looking over his shoulder, the rusted locks look flimsy enough for someone like you. Nodding, you reach for them, and the feeling of chains under your hands, and this whole corridor of darkness sends a shiver up your spine.

Frank steadies you with a simple brush of his arm against yours. Accidental, but he doesn’t have to try. He always steadies you now. You give the chains one yank and they break off completely.

“Atta girl.” Frank says, and shoves the doors wide open. You just want to get away from that room, so when the stairs lead down even further, you don’t hesitate to walk down. Frank is behind you, then next to you, then in front of you. “You okay?”

“I am. Now.” You nod, and the way he looks at you has you forgetting that tight chest feeling.

For the first time in a while, you didn’t have to count your breaths.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was getting too dark to see, and Frank could hear the splash of water under his boots. Whoever was down here will be counting on the element of surprise. Frank wouldn’t give it to them.

He kept you tucked behind him against the wall, moving through the dark passageways below the base. He has no idea how far down he is now, but the wall still feels like brick under his palm, so not far enough that they couldn’t build structure. That was good— it meant there was a chance they weren’t so far below sea level, which was more chance for a quick exit.

A loud bang from behind him rings down one of the pipes overhead. You both freeze, heads snapping in the direction.

Frank drags you behind him again, moving towards the sound. It was still pitch black, but another bang made him turn left at the first gap. He was trying to remember how many times they’d turned in the darkness— he was at two lefts and a right, now another left—

Another loud bang, followed by three gun shots, the shells clanging on the floor. It had to be close now, whoever it was. He turned again, keeping one hand on you, the other on his gun. When he rounds the next corner, there’s a sliver of light, and another doorway.

“You think that—“ You whisper, but Frank covers your mouth with his hand.

“Shh.” He knows once Bobby realises your here, all hell will break loose. He can’t see shit in here, but he’s gotta think of another way. Walking straight through their front door would be a dumb-ass plan, but it’s about the only one he’s got right now.

There’s another bang in the opposite direction. Not from the door. Almost in response, there’s three gun shots again, this time under the door. The bang from behind gets closer, and if he waits any longer both of you will lose any advantage you had. They must be communicating through the pipes— no reception down here, and as soon as they heard you coming they’d need a way that couldn’t be intercepted.

“You…in there. I… go around.” You whisper through his hand, mumbled words that he knows mean splitting up. It’s smart, and right now you’re both in more danger together than you would be split up. But he still can’t leave you. Not again.

“Hang on—“

“Bobby… would have the gun. You take him, I’ll get… other one.” You shove his arm off you, and he can only see you about to run off because of how close he is.

It’s smart. He’s almost pissed that you put it together so fast. He feels you push against him, but you stop when you feel him breathe out. He doesn’t have time to hold you here, but it doesn’t stop him from wanting to. You lean up on your toes, wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling him down, his head falling naturally into the crook of your neck.

“An hour. If I’m not back, come for me.” You say, and then you shove him off and disappear into the dark.

He steps back with a stumble, forgetting how strong you were. Another gun shot bursts in his right ear, and the light under the door is interrupted by shadows. A body.

An hour. He’s got an hour. Now you weren’t with him, his mind falls into a colder, harder place. One that has him shuffling back along the wall, loading his gun and slamming the door down.

The light hits him— blinds him for a second, but he hears the three men on the right and takes them out first. Two shots in the first body, blood splattering on the dark green paint behind. The next guy gets too close and Frank grabs him by his neck, using the momentum to crush his head against the wall. He can feel the bone split under his hand, but he’s too busy aiming over his shoulder, watching the next body hit the ground from his well placed shot.

He moves with his body low to the ground, using the cover of the wall in front of him to stay hidden as his eyes adjust. He looks around the room now he can see it, and he can tell no one’s been down here for a while. There’s plenty of canned food lining the shelves in front of him. Whoever brought them down was planning to stay a while. Then there’s black cases, he recognises those. Weapons— outlines of guns, grenades, all empty and unlocked, just leaving behind an outline.

He hears more footsteps and doesn’t hesitate, reaching around the corner and grabbing the neck of the next man. Sending his skull back into the brick, he fires his gun again, feeling the dead weight fall back onto him before shrugging it off and reloading.

He loses count. He always does. Must be nine, ten bodies behind him as he makes his way through the apocalyptic looking basement. The men he catches flashes of don’t look familiar— clearly no one Bobby would of had up top. Frank hasn’t seen any of their faces, not never even in Madani’s database. It makes sense, to keep these guys hidden. Because they were getting harder and harder to kill.

Frank shoots the guy underneath him once, then twice in the chest. Still he fights, clawing at Franks face and punching him in the gut. His fists nearly meet bone, they’re so strong. Too strong. Only one person has ever punched him out like this. Eventually, Frank holds his head down long enough to shoot him in the head, but he’s panting.

Wiped, he drags himself up, shoulders tense as he listens out for more footsteps. He’s made his way into an open area now, with a platform on a second level. For being underground, the place opens up in front of him, the stairs leading up giving space for at least two levels before they reach the room at the top. There’s windows in the room up top, perfectly placed to look over where he is. Another gunshot rings out, and he looks up.

“Not the pretty sight I was expecting. Although, you do know how to put on a good show.” The voice echos throughout the giant room, and Franks already moving towards the stairs. “Ah. I wouldn’t.”

Bobby Gnucci has a gun pointed down at him, but it doesn’t unnerve Frank in the slightest. He moves slower, hoping to draw him down further, feigning a little hesitation. This guys ego is as big as this fucking base, and he doesn’t want to blow it just yet. Not when he doesn’t know where you are.

“You’ve been busy.” He says, not moving when Frank takes a step up. “Do you have any idea how long I spent training those units?”

Frank continues to the top of the platform, now level with the barrel of Bobby’s shotgun.

“Not as long as I spent with her, of course. She is quite special isn’t she? I suppose you already know how special—“

“Say another fucking word about her and I’ll kill you.” He has the balls the fucking smile, and Frank feels his hands get tighter on the barrel.

“That isn’t what I heard.” Frank doesn’t show a damn thing on his face. “You are here to take me into… federal custody. That’s how it was put, yes? Never did I think I would live to see the day. The Punisher returns only to be a glorified pig.”

“You willing to take that chance?” Bobby steps back when Frank pushes up.

“I’m willing to offer to you a deal.” Now Frank smiles, a dry scoff breaking the silence in the room.

“You really got your head up your ass, don’t you?” Bobby backs up against the door of the room overlooking the large building, but he doesn’t seem out of options. Frank considers taking the shot.

He could still do this.

Forget the whole deal, take you out of here and leave all this shit behind. He’d never make you come back to a place like this, never have to watch you walk into a room he couldn’t get you out of. He’d take you away from everything. Maybe upstate, do a few jobs here and there to keep the money coming in— he thought about it too much, probably for too long.

He’d keep you safe.

He knows he could. This shit might not end for him, but he could end it for you here and now. Do the one thing he’s good at.

“Let me show you something that might change your mind.” He opens the door, and the first thing Frank sees is the monitor over his head, and your limp body strapped to a chair.

Your eyes weren’t open, and you were bleeding from your head. That little scar on your face… completely covered with dark blood, your shoulders sagging over. Your hands and feet were cuffed together, and there was a strange haze over the room you were in.

His blood was boiling. He lunged at Bobby, but he’d been too busy staring at the screen. Too busy to notice the three guys in the room. Without the element of surprise Frank gets the wind knocked out of him, and then he feels his face hit the concrete.

They were too fucking strong. Hands the size of his own gripping his arms and legs, holding him to the floor like he weighed nothing. He ripped and strained at anything he could but there was no point in fighting. It didn’t stop him thrashing, only looking at the way your head was flopped down on the monitor, damp with your own blood. He got a few decent hits in before they wrangled him in again, his blood colouring the concrete.

“I admire it. Your… energy. Truely, it would be a shame to waste it here. Which is why I’m prepared to offer you a…solution to your problem.” Frank grunts and spits as the men haul him up, punching him in the stomach over and over so many times his vision starts to blur. Those stitches you did on him are ripped open and popped, blood soaking his shirt. “Clearly you’ve grown fond of my little girl—“

“Fuck you.” His mouth pools with blood, spraying over Bobby’s face as he gets closer.

“But I need her alive. Clearly, she doesn’t want to stay, so I’ll give you a fair deal.” Frank can’t feel the hits any longer, but he knows they keep coming. His legs give out as the men shove him on a chair, one of them focusing a strong hit to the open wound on his side that has him nearly screaming. He wouldn’t give him the fucking satisfaction. “I let you go. Both of you. Today. Enough blood has been spilt, and I’ve already made the mistake of taking one of her little conquests. So, I let you both walk out of here today. You go back to your little law firm, and your loyal friends at the CIA and you tell them it’s over. I’m dead.”

“Y-you must be lovin’ this. You feel like the big man yet?” Frank stutters out, falling into a wave of near unconsciousness. He’s laughing with no breath, loving the look on Bobby’s face, even with his eyes nearly swollen shut. He keeps punching him in the face, and even though Frank is the one getting beat to shit, it’s a win to him. He feels Bobby’s hand on his jaw, pressing hard. It’s nothing compared to the strength under the other sets of arms, but he still has to grind his teeth not to wince.

“You go back and tell them you were too late, and this? This all goes away. She can go home with you.” Frank isn’t focused, but he looks up with what little light he’s still holding in his vision. He sees you stir on the monitor, your head flipping to the other side. He thinks he recognises the room you’re in. He tries to move, but he’s weak now. “She goes with you, and you live your little fantasy for however long it takes for her to get bored, and realise I’m the only one that can give her what she really wants. What she can’t admit she craves.”

You were tugging at the cuffs. Thrashing now. Frank needs to fight— you were fighting, and he needed… fuck. He needs a full breath in, but they aren’t stopping. Fists flying at his ribs, ones that were already half cracked. Fists that could punch through stone, bruising their way through his body.

“The only condition I have, is that when I call, you bring her to me. You let me do whatever it is I need to do— whatever I want to do, and then she goes home free.”

“Free.” Frank spits again, shaking his head. What this guy really wants is for you to be at his beck and call for the rest of your life. Tethered to him, and he’s only offering because he knows you’ll never stop fighting him now you know what’s out there. Never stop fighting for him. He wouldn’t… he wouldn’t let you be someone’s prisoner again. He—

“Free. That’s right.” Bobby says, and Frank can’t tell where he is anymore. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? I know what happened to your family. You need this as bad as I do. You get her a nice house, warm bed to come home to. And when I call? You bring her in. It’ll be easy. Look at how docile she is now! I’ll get you some of that stuff and she’s out like a light.”

Frank bares his teeth and lurched forward. Someone’s hands wrap around his throat and restrict his air flow. He sees stars, but he’s still fighting. Bobby says something in a language Frank doesn’t recognise, then talks right in his ear.

“You’ll come around. When you see what I do to her when she doesn’t comply, you’ll be begging me to offer this again.”

Frank can’t make a sound anymore. Too much pressure around his neck. Then he feels something else, something he recognises. It’s the barrel of Bobby’s shotgun pressing into his stomach, and he blacks out before he can hear if it goes off.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Stop moving.” Frank grumbles from beside you. It was impossible not to shift around in this tiny bed, which you were almost positive had been the scene of a crime at some point.

“It’s a water bed. It moves on its own.” Whoever decided putting a water bed in a hotel room was a good idea was dumb. Especially when every time one of you shifted it sent you both closer together. It wasn’t the first time on this trip you’d slept next to each other, but you weren’t sure how you felt about being shoved together in a bed that was stained a faint yellow.

“It moves when you move.” He says and rolls over, and you can feel his eyes burning into your back. “You’re shivering.”

“Do you have any other complaints? You want to point out my grey hairs next?” You feel the heat of his breath of the back of your neck, and then the bed turns tidal as he sits up completely, shifting behind you. “Oh my god. What the fuck are you—“

You’re cut off by heavy fabric suffocating your open mouth, and it takes you a second to realise why everything’s gone dark. The first inhale and you can tell what it is. It smells like him. You haven’t admitted it to yourself yet, but you like that smell.

“Put it on. We’ll get you better clothes next time we stop.” He doesn’t roll over, still watching you as you wordlessly slip into the soft fabric of his jumper. You’ve worn it before, and Frank must of noticed how comfortable you seemed in it.

“Thought you’d want me to freeze.” It’s easier to play it off, the gesture one of many you haven’t decided how to read yet.

“Not when you shake like a chihuahua. Fuckin’ water bed…” He groans again and drops his body back down, nearly sending you flying off the other side. “Better?”

“I think I’m getting sea sick.”

“Go to sleep.”

You wait until you think he’s asleep to speak again.

“Thank you.” You whisper into the dark.

“Don’t worry about it.” He whispers back. When he shuffles behind you, and the waves of the mattress send you back against him, you squeeze your eyes shut and fall asleep before you can figure out why you don’t want to move from his side.

Gunshots woke you from sleep.

Your eyes didn’t open as fast as you wanted them to, and as you sucked in your first conscious breathe, you could taste something was wrong.

It tasted like stale bread— the air had a taste. You didn’t have a lot of experience with poison or gas, but you couldn’t think of anything natural that cause that kind of taste. Paired with how fuzzy your head felt right now, you knew you’d been fucked with in some way.

When your eyes finally opened, all the air you’d reluctantly taken in was shoved out of you. This room. You knew it just from staring at the floor. The stain on the ground. You tried to move your arm, but all it did was rattle the chains tied to the metal frame of your—the bed.

You tried to move your legs, hearing the same clanking sound with no payoff. You still thrashed against them, the fight sense kicking in and you not having enough clarity to save your energy. Everything was dialled to ten, being strapped back in here, held here.

Frank.

Frank would come. An hour, and he would come for you. You knew he would. You just had to outlast the hour.

Footsteps started coming down the hall, and you swallowed dryly, trying to ignore the sickness bubbling in your stomach. Even the smell of this room was the same. Same mattress. Like he was hoping… expecting you to come back. You know it’s him. Before you look up, you know.

“There you are, sunshine. How I missed you.” Bile burns in your throat.

You can’t talk, the gas in the room filling your chest and throat with dry, green smoke. You feel his grimy hands in your soaked hair, and when you’re forced to look up, he’s wearing a gas mask. It doesn’t hide the blood covering his face.

“I think it’s time we got caught up. Shall we?” Your eyes burn. Any of that strength you were feeling before seeps out of you, and the first slap of his hand sends you straight back into the darkness.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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