#sorta to represent me being disabled and not always able to talk

[smokeys-house]

I never really talk about my fursona too often bc I don't really have much reason to but I do have thoughts™️ about her to share from time to time. I don't really commission art of her either bc my moomin oc sorta takes then spotlight there and I've got so much story and lore for her whereas my fursona is just sorta. She was found in an arcade claw machine buried under everything else and though she looks handmade she does have a little fabric tag but the only thing on it is a small heart on both sides. That's about it story wise for now

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 24: “Let’s Go Home”

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A

Thoughts under the cut [and spoiler warning for the whole manga. Also I’m gonna talk way too much about my own life and why I relate so much to this part, so be warned]

Oh boy, where to even begin with this one. The episode I’ve been waiting for pretty much ever since they announced this new adaptation last year.

Right off the bat I should make it clear that I loved and adored this episode and it exceeded my expectations. It was pretty much 100% perfect aside from one bit of awkward animation. But at least from a writing standpoint I dunno how they could have done it better than this.

For one thing, this was a very faithful adaptation of this part of the manga, which already makes it better than the 2001 version of this whole arc. Specifically this episode adapts chapters 32 and 33, plus the first few pages of chapter 34. So it’s pretty much the whole meat of the true form arc, but it’s not like they rushed it all in one episode. I was worried that they might try and cover too much in this episode, but this was a good middle ground between the idea of doing the entire thing in one episode, and stretching the arc into roughly three episodes like the 2001 anime did.

I actually appreciate the 2001 version of this arc more than most people do [though I understand why people with a longer history with the series resent it more], but this was so much better, lmao. I can understand where they were coming from with the 2001 version of it, but they went too far with trying to make it slow and depressing. It just felt way too drawn out in that version, not to mention the various changes to characterization that they did which are really jarring and weird if you’ve read the manga.

Some people might criticize this episode for being too fast, and not taking it’s time to get to the climax more, but it’s at least worth noting that episode 23 was more or less the first episode of this arc. A lot of it was about reminding you of Kyo’s issues, and making it as clear as possible that his secrets and insecurities were about to be brought to light. And then this episode just followed through on that. So it’s not like this arc just came and went in the space of a single episode. Plus there’s the fact that we still have chapter 34 to be adapted in the finale, which is where this arc winds down and we start setting up the rest of the story.

And honestly one part of this episode that I really liked was how slow and atmospheric it was. It was still adapting a little more than two chapters of content, but it felt very deliberately paced, and especially in the first half there were a lot of scenes that felt really tense and gripping because of how the pacing was done.

Mainly I’m thinking of the whole scene of Kazuma confronting Kyo and removing his beads, because holy SHIT that was way more tense and nerve-wracking than I expected it to be. It definitely felt longer than it did in the manga, but I really liked it. They went all in on the atmosphere with that one and it really payed off.

And then of course it ended with Kyo’s transformation scene, where similarly to the 2001 anime, they actually show him transforming instead of us cutting straight to the aftermath of it. I’ve been waiting to see if they’d be able to effectively get across just how viscerally shocking and horrific Kyo’s true form is, and oh boy they sure delivered. I bet most anime-only people weren’t expecting Kyo’s big secret to be THAT, lol. It’s the sorta thing where you naturally go into it thinking ‘surely it’s not gonna be that big of a secret, it’s just something that he THINKS he needs to hide’, but then you actually get to the big reveal and suddenly you realize just how big of a secret it actually is.

In general it’s representative of how this whole arc is where Fruits Basket starts to really show it’s true colours. Technically we don’t see anything quite like Kyo’s true form ever again, but this is where it becomes clear that the story’s not going to hold back with the drama, and that it’s willing to put it’s characters through some real trauma.

It’s still kinda funny that this arc being the end of the 2001 anime lead lots of people to thinking it was the end of the story, when in fact this is pretty much just the START of where things get real. Though it was still a good idea to make this the climax of the first season. It’s definitely the end of the first act of the story, which is even more clear with how the reboot’s been rearranging things. In the manga there’s a sort of transition period between this arc and the summer vacation arc where we get some more character introductions and stuff, but a lot of that’s already been covered in the reboot, so after this it won’t be long before we get into more plot progression.

Before I talk about the emotional weight of this arc and why it means so much to me, I just wanna say that I’m somehow still confused about exactly what the final episode is going to be covering now, lol. We’re definitely getting the rest of chapter 34 next week, but that clearly isn’t going to be the only chapter they cover. The episode title refers to summer starting, but I honestly can’t figure out which exact chapter that line’s being taken from. There’s a surprising amount of different chapters between now and the summer vacation arc where Tohru says stuff about summer coming soon, or already starting, or whatever. So there’s like several different chapters they might be ending this season on, and I can’t really begin to guess which they’re going for.

The obvious choice would be chapter 35, since that follows the immediate aftermath of this arc, but I looked back through that chapter in the manga and I don’t think Tohru says anything about summer during it. At least not that exact line.

I also thought it might be from chapter 48, since the last bit of that chapter would probably be a good way to end season 1 off, but that takes place when summer vacation’s already started, so I don’t think that’s it. Unless they change the context and timing of that part, though. Which is possible. I wouldn’t be too surprised if they basically cut most of chapter 48 for the anime since it’s so filler-y that it might be hard to find room for, so maybe they’ll just transplant the more plot-important part at the end of it into the end of season 1. Who knows.

Either way I think it’s more likely that they’ll just end things off with chapter 35. But I kinda don’t want them to, since it’d be a really good way to start season 2. It serves as a bit of a recap of the true form arc, while setting up some other long-term plot stuff as well. In general I just feel like it might feel jarring to have the last half of the season 1 finale suddenly switch to Yuki’s POV in a way that just raises more questions than answers. I think the end of chapter 48 is a much more fitting way to end the first season since it’s one big teaser for the summer vacation arc as a whole. And honestly even though it’d technically mean jumping forward like 12+ chapters, it’s not really that strange to consider, with how they’ve already covered a good chunk of the gap between chapters 34 and 48, with what I said before about the anime moving a lot of that transition arc to before the true form arc.

Though tbh I also just kinda want to see Rin in the final episode so I don’t have to wait until season 2 for her, lmao. 

And since I have far too much time on my hands at the good old time of 11am on a Saturday morning, I decided to comb through my Japanese volumes of the series just to be absolutely sure, and as far as I can tell the line used as the next episode title isn’t actually taken from anywhere from chapters 35 to 48. Which is weird, since I think all of the episode titles have been pretty 1:1 with lines from the manga. The most similar-sounding lines are the ones from places like chapter 48 where Tohru talks about how summer’s starting, but it’s still not quite the same.

So yeah I’m at least hoping it means that ep25 is gonna end on a modified version of the end of chapter 48 where instead of happening at the start of summer, it happens before it, but we still get that whole dramatic monologue from her about how it feels like things are about to start moving. But who even knows at this point.

Anyway, that was far too much of me talking about my predictions for the next episode, lmao.

Back onto this episode itself, I’ve always thought this was my favourite part of the whole manga mostly because it’s the part I relate to the most, to be blunt. Though really it’s more that Kyo’s my favourite character and his entire character arc is great and there’s so many elements to it that I relate to, but this is the most prominent part of it, and it covers a good chunk of what I relate to most about his character. But there’s definitely stuff I’m gonna wait to talk about until way later when certain other parts of his backstory are revealed.

Either way, even though it isn’t exactly the main thing that Kyo’s whole arc is meant to be a metaphor for, I’ve always thought this arc was intensely relatable and realistic to my experiences as a disabled person, especially when it comes to topics like my relationship with my parents, and my own self-perception.

In terms of personality I’m much closer to Yuki than Kyo overall [though not fully], but in terms of life circumstances I’m much closer to Kyo.

I dunno if I’ve talked about it in too much detail anywhere on my blog before, but I was born completely blind and deaf. My condition has improved since then, mostly with my hearing, but I still have enough issues with my vision that on top of wearing glasses I’ve spent the last year or so learning to use a cane to help me get around in public. But one way or another I spend the first few years of my life blind and deaf, and for obvious reasons that had some major impacts on my family, in ways that have had lifelong consequences.

My parents got divorced shortly after I was born, and until I was about 12 I only saw my father once every few weeks, and after that I made the choice to cut myself off from him once and for all. As time’s gone on I’ve gotten more sympathetic toward him, and the stuff he had to deal with on his side of things, but a part of me will never let go of my resentment toward the fact that one way or another he decided that he didn’t want me to be a proper part of his life. I always got the impression that for one reason or another he refused to engage with the fact that I was disabled. He never talked about it with me, and whenever I visited him, he never made any sort of accommodations for me. And I was always too ashamed and nervous to talk about it with him even when I should have.

On the other side of things, my mother is more on the over-protective side of the spectrum. Which I can’t exactly blame her for, since she was left pretty much on her own to raise me when she already had one other child with special needs.

She does her best to be constantly aware of my disabilities and to support me in whatever ways I need, but sometimes it feels like she just pities me. I don’t really know how to put it without sounding selfish or disrespectful.

I think that if she could keep me in her sight at all times and never let me go, she would. I know that she’s just worried about me, but sometimes I worry about what she thinks of me, and what she thinks when other people meet me. But I think that’s more just about me being self-conscious and paranoid about how other people see me.

I can tell that she’s had a lot of struggles with raising me that she’s mostly kept to herself because she doesn’t want me to feel bad, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Part of me’s always worried that there’s a lot of emotions she’s bottling up which will one day explode, and ultimately I just don’t want her to leave me. Even if she doesn’t love every part of me, even if she doesn’t always enjoy the process of raising me, I just want her to be able to stay with me.

And then on the final point of this whole messed up trifecta, you have me and my own self-perception. Which is a whole iceberg of a topic that I’m gonna make no attempt to fully cover, lol.

In terms of how I relate to this whole part of Kyo’s arc, all of my self-consciousness and paranoia about my own status as a disabled person within society that’s been left to fester over the years has lead to me developing this irrational, warped, self-hating idea that at the core of who I am, I’m basically a catatonic vegetable who can’t survive on their own. I always worry about whether or not I ‘look disabled’ to people when I’m in public. I can’t help but worry about people see when they look at me. So in my own way I’ve developed this image of myself being some kind of hideous monster which I have to avoid people seeing. It feels like if people see the ‘true me’, they’d be disgusted, and so I try and act as normal as possible, while avoiding interacting with people as much as I can.

So you can probably get why the whole true form arc here kinda strikes a chord with me, lmao. It’s just such a raw and visceral depiction of the feeling of being exposed and made vulnerable in a way that shows everyone everything that’s wrong with you. But it’s also a representation of the sort of genuine, unconditional connection that you secretly want when you’re in that sort of situation. It’s not really about love or hate. It’s just about not wanting to be abandoned over something that you can’t even change.

In a lot of ways this arc is also why I love Tohru so much as a character, and why I think she’s so interesting. Her whole relationship with Kyo feels like a really realistic exploration of the fundamental anxiety of feeling like you don’t deserve true love and acceptance, that you’re asking for too much if you want that, and that anyone who gives you that is just ‘too perfect’, and they’re just pitying you, or whatever. But at the end of the day, their whole relationship is about how you always do deserve love, and that there’ll always be at least someone out there who will properly accept you. And on top of all that, there’s the fact that love isn’t a simple matter of just saying that you love someone and ignoring anything unpleasant about them or your own feelings. Love is a choice that you have to keep making.

Which is part of why I always felt annoyed and disillusioned at the idea that my father still loved me at the end of the day, in spite of everything. I can admit that for all intents and purposes that’s true, but it ultimately feels fake and hollow if you say that you love someone even when you hold them at arm’s length and choose to stay away from them.

On a more specific note, this arc in particular also touches upon the whole idea of physical contact and intimacy, which has always really resonated with me. In general the whole concept of ‘turning into an animal when you hug someone’ is used to surprisingly poignant effect across the whole series, and this is one of the best examples of it. The image of Kyo as a cat laying on Tohru’s lap and crying always gets to me.

And honestly, I think that the absence of physical contact can be one of the most painful signs of abandonment, especially to a child. It can make you feel alone even when you’re in the same room as that person. I distinctly remember that my father’s relative lack of physical affection with me was always one of the things that made me feel most uncomfortable and unwanted when I visited him. At this point I know that it was probably more about his personality in general, since he was a fairly closed-off person with everyone, but it still hurt.

What I’m trying to say is that everyone has a fundamental, primal desire to be hugged by somebody that loves them, which is why I like that that’s the big emotional climax of this arc. I actually prefer it this way, to if it we got a more conventional kiss scene or whatever.

Also I just wanna point out that literally one episode ago Kyo was being all tsundere about not wanting Tohru to hold him in his cat form and LOOK HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED NOW, CAT BOY :)

Yes, you better believe that I’ve been hugging my own cat whenever possible ever since I finished this episode, lmao. Everyone should go hug a cat. It doesn’t even have to be one you own, just go out and find one to hug, lol.

Anyway I’m one giant emotional wreck after this episode so I’m gonna go take a nap. See y’all next week when we have to face the even greater emotional pain of being faced with the wait for season 2 to come out.

[ryouverua]

The Despairingly Hopeful Flashback Light

“It’s been days since I’ve had a chance to insult people so do me a favour and line up in a row so I can have a go at each of you in turn.”

“Just.... enough energy... to pick that low-hanging fruit...”

Have you even slept at all since this all began?!

She... she’s fully ready to do this? I know it’s not participating in the killing game, but this still not how I want you to use your talent! Not at all!

Just before I go onto the good stuff, I wanted to bring it back over to Himiko’s fluff text because it’s so bittersweet to have her thinking about Tenko in this situation.

It’s hard to say though, Himiko - I think she would have difficulty accepting the situation in general and would try and encourage you to at least enjoy the time you have left. Would she be mad at you though? Mad, no. Sad, absolutely.

That is... exceedingly odd. We’ve only ever found them before by searching - but then again, who would be searching for anything now?

Maybe, but didn’t he say he wasn’t going to interfere with us anymore? I suppose that could be a lie too, but I can’t imagine why he would do anything like this now.

Closure is better than nothing I suppose. Though I’d argue that was... sorta, kinda what Kokichi gave us, in a way?

That’s the, uh, attitude? 8′D

“They don’t call me the Ultimate Assassin for nothing, kid.”

omae wa mo shindeiru

Alright then... well, let’s see it. She’s right, honestly. What’s the worst that could happen at this point? They’re days away from committing mass suicide! 

FLASHBACK LIGHT! FLASHBACK LIGHT! FLASHBACK LIGHT!

Is it the colours? Are the colours why I love this animated sequence so much?

Wait, Hope’s Peak Academy?

WAIT A SECOND ALL THOSE WORDS LOOK SUPER FAMILIAR

So it officially is now??? I always thought it might be in a small way (I mean, come on, Monokuma is there), but literally everything???

Hope’s Peak Academy, you absolute bastard.

Man, we’re really just going over everything, aren’t we?

~The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History~, which was then renamed to being the second most awful because METEORS RAINED FROM THE SKY AND WIPED OUT EVERYTHING -

Here’s Junko -

The Ultimate Catalyst. >>

Aaaw crap though, if she’s being brought up now... they can’t possibly bring her back for a third time, right? Right???

Now the 78th class’s killing game, most significant to history because that was what led to Junko’s death, I imagine -

We really are getting the Cole’s notes version of events, aren’t we!

I guess they can’t outright talk about Danganronpa 2 here, huh? Fair enough, honestly! Might as well give people a chance to play it without spoiling it too badly!

You gonna expand on that champ? ...... No? Uh, okay?

NO SERIOUSLY WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT CAME TO A SUDDEN END THAT ANIME WAS CALLED ‘END OF HOPE’S PEAK’ NOT ‘END OF THE HOPE VS DESPAIR WAR’ 

Wait are you seriously telling me the cult is the Remnants? I... I don’t know if I’m super happy about that, but okay... I guess it makes sense for them to try and latch onto something like this when their side has lost so much ground. Does that mean there were still a bunch of them lingering, left over from when their fight came to a so-called abrupt end?

Wait, Makoto did this? Would he be in his 40s or 50s then? I was hoping this would take a good deal after the other events, so I guess that’s one way to do it!

though with that said you didn’t have to literally chuck meteors at the prequels and burn them to the ground that is some serious overkill

hope hope hope hope hope hope hope

.......

Oh right, before I forget -

hope.

Please don’t sound so happy about that Shuichi, I thought it was actually nice for you guys to be from different schools. 8′/ Though I guess the whole reason were were considered ‘Ultimates’ was because you were selected as a representative of your specialty to attend Hope’s Peak, but still.

Applied? Weren’t they scouted? I guess Makoto changed the rules or something? 8′D

????? Am I just completely remembering things wrong because I swear it was a scouting process and not an application process...

Oh, that I like at least! Wait, does that mean there were 16 classes going on at the same time for a single year of students??? The logistics must have been a nightmare.

because Makoto’s normal meter has been completely, utterly destroyed by his own old class

.....

.....

LMAO

THAT

THAT WORKS TOO

.........................

eyes Kaito

......... Are you, now? Exactly... what are the symptoms of the virus, exactly?

Oh hey, it’s a new ‘New World Order’! Long time no see!

I MEAN... LIKE.... THIS ANSWERS SOME QUESTIONS.... BUT RAISES MORE....

I know I said I thought we were missing information that would help gel some things together, and this would explain why Monokuma is overseeing this game again, but I still feel like there’s more. I mean, also because even now we’re still in Chapter 5, but that’s beside the point.

Damn it the ‘h’ word is out of the bag and it’s like the game is trying to make up for lost time. 8′D

Weirdly enough, having the cult be the Remnants of Despair makes me more suspicious of Kokichi’s claims of being the mastermind? Is that just me? 

FML HOW DARE YOU BE SO CUTE AT A CRUCIAL MOMENT LIKE THIS damn you’re so small

So timeline-wise are we far enough away from Junko’s life and death for her to have become both a historical figure as well as a symbol? Do I have that right?

Mm, I mean, if we hadn’t had that whole ‘sister’ reveal I could see ‘let me witness the beauty of humanity in the most extreme of circumstances’ Korekiyo Shinguuji being a good, if slightly obvious, choice just off the top of my head, and without any relation to the Remnants. 8′D 

That I can actually agree with! There’s way too much of a coincidence between how things are being held for it not to be related to them, at the very least.

HEY EXCUSE YOU WE HAD A PERFECTLY GOOD ‘TRUTH VS LIES’ THEME GOING ON DON’T GO SHOVING THIS HOPE-SHAPED PEG IN WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG

Literally my biggest question!!!

That.... That just seems like such a handwave answer! I know one of Junko’s things was how bored she got, and sure, Kokichi talked about how boring a lot of things could be, but the game was literally how Junko got her kicks! She was quite happy to see it until the end, and I’m pretty sure if Kokichi was following her script he would do the same!

Eeeeh? But like... Junko’s plan was ruined by Naegi, Kirigiri et al., right? She didn’t just throw it all away the way Kokichi has. Doesn’t that seem weird to any of you guys at all??

T... The number of times the word ‘hope’ has been said in the last twenty + minutes is leaving me dizzy.

“WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HOPE WITH THAT HOPE??? AND WOULD YOU LIKE TO UPSIZE THAT HOPE? IT’LL COME WITH AN EXTRA SIDE OF HOPE!!!”

Normally I’d love to hear more about your inner voice but right now I’d love for you to put it on mute. 8′/

I love you two but I am debating the pros and cons of pushing you both down the stairs leading to Kaito’s lab r/n

say hope or despair one more time

Aaaaw Himiko! My tiny shining light in this sea of hope and despair talk!

I am glad she was revitalized though - it was pretty scary watching her talk about having Maki kill her!

NO SHUICHI NOT YOU TOO

K1-B0 HOW TF DID YOU MANAGE TO GET THEM BOTH IN ONE SENTENCE LIKE THAT!

Sweetcheeks I am judging you inner monologue right now? Do you hear me?! I am judging you right now!!!!

If he’s the mastermind, it was probably a reward for getting so far, right? “Here’s everything else you need to know about the world that I didn’t get a chance to tell you.”

But if he’s not the mastermind aka lying about it, it seems like this is a way to disrupt his new power? Would he have really done this? Would he be able to access the flashback lights as the new king of the school, if he isn’t the mastermind? I mean, it’s not out of the realm of possibility - he’s got control of the exisals, and that shouldn’t be possible if he isn’t controlling everything - but if he also has the ability to give out flashback lights, why would he do it now? Is this is attempt to make them more interesting again?

Hypothetically, yes... though that conclusion does seem to be based on Kokichi = Mastermind. I guess to say everything I blabbed earlier more concisely, does Flashback Light Access = Mastermind, or does Flashback Light Access = Control of the School?

you wizarding nerd he’s not going to pop up if he hears you say his name

Or... would he? If he’s the mastermind, he should have access to whatever method of surveillance being used this game. This seems like a good time to pop up now in that case - gotta quash the rebellion before it starts - but he hasn’t yet.

Yes!!! Rally around Kaito’s safety!!!

SAIMOTA HAS BEEN REVIVED, BABY!!!

He did say he wanted the remote for the hangar and that he would be keeping Kaito there! So Kokichi periodically leaves to get food and supplies? I guess with an exisal, there isn’t much any of the students can do to stop him. 8′D

TSUMUGI IS THIS REALLY THE TIME

“Look guys, if I see a ship, I call it.”

also I’m a bloody hypocrite re: my saimota comment earlier

“SHIT SHIT SHIT WHY AM I SUCH A TYPICAL TSUNDERE TSUMUGI I’LL KILL YOU -”

TSUN

OOOOKAY that’s uh tmi, anyway thank you for your contribution!!!

?!?! :O Oh shit, when in the world did you get that? Did Miu have extras in her lab?

Oooooooh oooooh how clever of you!!! Damn girl, you’re good!

A;LKDSJF HIMIKO

AND NOT THE KLEPTOMANIA PART?!?!

Alright - so despite Kaito not being there, they’re able to hammer out a pretty good battle plan. Sorry Kaito, looks like you’ve been relegated to the ‘damsel in distress’ position! That’s... sorta close to being a hero? Related? Or something? anyway if you don’t think Kaito being a damsel in distress makes me incredibly happy you don’t know me at all

So they’ll be charging the exisal hangar tomorrow (gotta charge those hammers!) with an electrobomb to disable Kokichi’s access to the exisals and hammers to disable the shutter lock and as a back-up. It’s a good plan, all things considered!

.... But..... why do I have a terrible feeling that someone is going to be dead when they get there? For that matter, I don’t know why I’m saying it in such vague terms - I’ll be shocked if someone isn’t dead either by the time they reach the hangar, or while they’re in there. I posited the idea that Maki’s lab could be an alternative spot, or even Shuichi’s lab, but with both Kaito and Kokichi in there I don’t think there’s any doubt left. I also feel like the ‘potential victim’ list has been cut to the two of them too.... D: 

MAKI THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT WE DON’T WANT ANY MORE DEAD BODIES

Is this not just so incredibly reminiscent of what happened with Kaede? It’s incredibly tempting, I understand that, but we can’t make the same mistake twice! I also feel like this will be another case of 'wrong target’ but that’s a separate issue

Well said, K1-b0!

FINALLY a chance to use the nerdmugi tag again! It’s been so long! I’ll let that use of the word ‘despair’ slide this time, but only because of that.

C-CAN WE NOT NEUTRALIZE HIM

RYOMA’S CHAINS OR TENNIS NET CORD

KOREKIYO’S CAGE

GONTA’S INSECT NET

MIU’S GENERAL BONDAGE DUNGEON THAT I’M 99% SURE EXISTS UNDER HER LAB

THERE MUST BE SOME OPTIONS

Despite being embarrassed about being rescued by the others, I bet Kaito would be so proud to know that Maki reached out to the others like this and is working together with them to rescue him! She’s spent so much time caught up in her own emotional walls she created around her heart, you know? And now, finally, she’s letting some people in!

Okay now Maki this may not be integral to the plan or anything but I do insist that if the impossible happens and nothing goes wrong, you carry Kaito outside of the hangar bridal-style. Okay? Okay.

It’s wishful thinking, all things considered... but we can hope.

but first, time to get a certain robot’s underwear.