#sort of reminds me of A Time For Andrew - anyone remember that one??? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ask-elland-n-will · 3 months ago

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William blindly allowed himself to be led to a bench nearby, trusting his partner's guidance. When the prefect calmed down enough to speak (oh, how Will hated being unable to speak when he was upset), he turned to face "Andrew" and squeezed his hand on Will's shoulder.

"How is it that you always know what to do? A hug was exactly what I needed," the Slytherin said and sniffled loudly before checking his pockets. He was after his handkerchief with "W.B.A." embroidered on it in gold, but halfway through the search Will remembered: he left it with Nosy in the morning. While Will was in the bathroom, the niffler crawled onto his bed and fell asleep, drooling on Will's pillow. Will had to do *something* to both save his pillow and not wake up Nosy. A hankie under the beak it was.

Oh Merlin, would Will need one as well until this curse passes?..

*"Hey. You. Two."*

A familiar voice snapped Will back from his thoughts and the prefect smiled at the newcomer. There was a feeling of unease radiating from Alsius' facial expression that Will had never seen on the man's face before. Is it because of how Will looks? No, no, Als would never, he's seen worse. Must be something else. Like the Sticky Scary Pudding glueing his teeth together.

"Hi Als. Did the nurse send you? No? Oh, alright. I am sure it is obvious though: I am a niffler now. Honk, *honk*—"

Will said it jokingly, but if the first honk was an actual human honk, the second one came up *real* from under the spell placed on him in the Medical Wing. No magic could really translate that sound, and Nilliam startled himself, looking around to see if anybody else heard him.

When Will turned back, Alsius was much closer to him, looking at him softly. All doctors must be trained in this sort of look, right? Something in those eyes was infinitely calming and warm. Will couldn't tell why, but coupled with Andrew's hug earlier and Als' sympathy, he was feeling much better already.

*"Everything okay fo-"*

"For now?" Will began, but after Als' explanation narrowed his eyes.

Something about the intonation with which it was said reminded him of someone. Als must be taking part in the swap, too! But who could it be? Will wanted to find Alsius before to ask if he knew of a way to make his Nilliam situation easier, even after nurse Blainey's diagnosis. But if this is somebody pretending to be Als, then perhaps Will shouldn't ask anything medical. After all, Andrew is sitting right there, it wouldn't be right to give away another person's secret. Even if partially, since Will didn't know the full truth.

But whoever it was, they really seemed to care, so Will tried to relax.

"I am ok, or at least I will be. I am able to walk, communicate, eat — even if with some difficulties, I'll need to observe Nosy up close. Madam Blainey said that it'll pass in a week or two and that my transformation did not lead to anything life threatening. I'll be ok."

Will took a deep breath, set on reminding himself of that as well. He'll be ok, it's not the end of the world. No matter how much Cassandra had been snickering at him all evening.

"You know, as unhappy as I am about all this, it's a good thing that I am the one who got that vial. Whoever tried to play this joke on other students, I would've felt horrible if it were anyone else. It was on me and the other prefects to keep an eye on all of this, and somehow it still slipped through. I'm glad there weren't any more accidents after that."

Will thought for a moment as to what could possibly make his situation a little more bearable. For example, it would be good to find somebody to trim his claws. But he already planned to ask Demetrius or Wren to do it as they were most proficient with animal life. Perhaps a dance would cheer Will up, but Andrew is sitting right there and they've already danced right before the Swap. After all, this Halloween marked the first anniversary of their first kiss. Well, many kisses. He's lucky they had the time earlier to~—

Suddenly, something to the side of them crashed with a loud bang and somebody's quick "Arresto Momentum". Will instantly jumped up from where he was sitting on the couch, narrowly missing Als' head with his beak, unused to the new dimensions. The prefect could see somebody with fluffy hair skipping away into the corridor, and he roared: "ASANI! 10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR" as he sprinted after the witch, thanking the Ravenclaw prefect in the process for catching and setting back most of what was on its way to meet the floor.

Will knew his friends would understand that his duties come first! NOW YOU JUST WAIT, MISS! DON'T RUN SO FAST! I CAN SMELL THE SWEETS IN YOUR POCKETS!

[To whomever pulled Andrew Montrose in the Polyjuice Swap]

"Monty, thank Merlin!"

The prefect in his teal attire and with a very much real niffler beak finally spots his boyfriend by the snack table. His "Andrew" looks somewhat lost. Oh, perhaps he also has been looking for William but couldn't find him because William is no longer William. He is Nilliam.

"Baby, it's me! Something horrible has happened!"

Will practically runs into "Andrew" for a hug, and it's only by some miracle that the bright orange cupcake in Ravenclaw's hand doesn't get smudged on William's hair.

"The potion backfired!" Will starts to unload his niffler story onto "Monty" with periodic hiccups and breaks to wipe the annoying tears away.

At some point William looks up at "Andrew", demanding a kiss, but the aforementioned half-eaten cupcake grabs his attention instead. The prefect takes it from the Ravenclaw's hand with a whiny "Thank you" and starts eating. It seems to calm him down until he looks at the icing. Orange… So ginger… Just like his hair used to be… Will starts crying again.

#will is a niffler #montrose is als #felix is montrose #Nilliam #William #Andrew M #Felix #“Monty”#“Als”#[I'm excusing Will out in case you guys want to interact more for hehehe tringles or 4-ingles reasons 🤣]

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dreaminpetals · 4 years ago

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Oog the Andrew appreciation is making me feel fuzzy and warmmmmm! Could we get some skin specific headcannons for Andrew? Like how his train conductor or "cheese" skins would act?

🧀 skin specific hcs for andrew . . . 🚂

desolate sand ;;

♡ sandrew (hehe) is a lot braver and stronger than his other skins but also more exhausted and gloomy.

♡ a person with albinism being stuck under the relentless sun of the south is a recipe for disaster.

♡ he's seen outlaws do awful, awful things to people which has left him with a grim outlook on life.

♡ though he'll do all he can to protect innocents, especially women and children. he views it as his duty on this earth.

♡ speaks with a southern drawl.

♡ views his horse as his best friend and companion for life.

♡ while people turn their heads and refuse to serve him at some bars, his horse, named after his late mother, has always been there for him.

♡ despite how rough around the edges and unfriendly this andrew is, he's an angel towards his horse and spoils her rotten.

♡ if he had an s/o he wouldn't want them to be a shooter or freelancer like him, he'd prefer a friendly face he could come home to.

♡ andrew has dreamed of a domestic life for far too long but being viewed as a devil means he has to hunt for resources and live in tents all on his own, never staying in one town for too long because he gets chased out with torches and pitchforks. he doesn't have a home as much as he desperately craves one.

♡ a romance between you and him would be slow and sweet, you'd potentially go months without seeing each other but every time you reunited he could relax and get a taste of paradise.

♡ i feel like you would be a hotel owner that was willing to serve him so he associates you with warmth and safety, during nights when he had nothing to do but hitch his horse and stare at the stars he'd think of you and how much he wants you to be more than a stranger.

♡ overall he's a wanderer with a good heart that's been stomped on and lassoed far too many times, give him some rum, apple pie, and a bath full of delicate kisses and touches please his weary soul deserves it.

train conductor ;;

♡ traindrew fares surprisingly well in the bitter cold that his train conducting job entails, he's built up a tolerance since he's been freezing since birth.

♡ a feeling he experiences often is that realization that all of his passengers are unique people with their own places to go, he feels proud that he's helped so many people and hopes they can remember him in a positive light.

♡ he's treated surprisingly well by his passengers, weary travellers view him as a demon who's redeeming himself by reuniting people with their families and homes.

♡ of course 'surprisingly well' for andrew still has to include being dehumanized for his condition, poor guy.

♡ still, he loves his job. a speeding train is much more comfortable than a drab cemetery where evil men are laid to rest, the cheers and laughs he hears from nearby compartments remind him he's doing a good job.

♡ loves hot beverages like tea and hot cocoa, he almost always has a mug in his hands.

♡ when he sleeps he kicks his feet up on a table and tucks his hat over his eyes it's so cute.

♡ he's bitter and deals with jealousy quite a bit, he envies how easy other people live and prefers to be alone or with animals.

♡ even when the train is empty andrew still watches over it, cleaning it and making sure nobody breaks in.

♡ so if he had an s/o they would have met on the train.

♡ you were a rising singer who frequently travelled his train when touring, at first he expected you to be a sheltered snob who'd ask for a different helper but you were one of the nicest people he had ever met.

♡ during the evening you order two cups of coffee, one for you and one for andrew so he could take a break in your first class booth.

♡ andrew had a sneaking suspicion you were only being this nice so your future train tickets would be cheaper.

♡ oh yeah, andrew can be pretty pessimistic and judgemental. when people are nice to him he always has a lingering fear they're trying to gain his trust only to stab him in the back.

♡ he wholeheartedly believed that you weren't to be trusted until he overheard you practicing for your new single.

♡ it was about falling in love with a gentle train conductor who had piercing red eyes and alluring white hair, ghostly pale skin cold to the touch that still managed you warm you up when your fingers accidentally brushed together.

♡ he's used to being a stoic professional so when he realized he was catching feelings he nearly fell overboard.

♡ andrew is so hardworking and curious about the world outside his train and he was so overjoyed to entertain the idea of a singer who travelled the world possibly.... showing him everything he was missing... djfndks he couldn't handle it!!!

cheese ;;

♡ while the other andrews are more closed off and sort of bitter with how the world treats them, cheesedrew wears his heart on his sleeve and never loses hope for other human beings. he thinks there's good in everybody !!

♡ instead of digging graves he grew up scooping ice cream, he's lived a happy life and no one can tell me otherwise 🥺

♡ still anxious and insecure though... he naturally struggles with anxiety and fitting in with others, the cruelty he faces for his condition doesn't make life any easier for him. but he is a ray of sunshine once you show that you're harmless, i promise.

♡ he gives people everything even if they don't care about him at all.

♡ still, no matter how many times he's kicked down, he gets back up and he's ready to prove everyone wrong, people can be good no matter what happens to them.

♡ cries super easily, this includes tears of joy (which happen any time someone is affectionate towards him)

♡ obviously he has a sweet tooth, he shivers so much and appears to always be hungry.

♡ give this boy a home cooked meal, he hasn't had meat or vegetables in so long.

♡ his poor diet combined with albinism leads to fits of dizziness and even fainting, if you let him lean on you he'll never forget it!!!

♡ this andrew is like a puppy, if someone is nice to him then he takes their words at face value and trusts them with his life.

♡ don't be surprised if he follows you around or stares at your hands thinking about how soft they'd feel in his larger ones, anyone can tell what he's thinking by looking at his facial expressions.

♡ he's the sweetest lover djfjsks

♡ compares you to honey, candy, sugar, everything sweet in the world, he can't get enough of you.

♡ let him show you how to bake!!!! please!!! he loves teaching people things and doing things that will make people remember him in a positive light, wanting a warm place in someone's memories is a universal andrew experience.

♡ he tries to hide his giggles because he doesn't like how they sound but they're so contagious.

♡ once you reassure andrew he doesn't have to hide himself around you and you love all his quirks he'll melt into batter when he's around you.

#this is such a cool prompt 🥺🥺#andrew kreiss #identity v #gravekeeper idv #idv headcanons #andrew kreiss imagine #idv x reader

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glowcrizzle · 4 years ago

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Today is the 1 year AO3 anniversary of Slow Show by @mia-ugly. I am beyond grateful that this experience (and it is an experience) has existed in my life for a year and felt it needed commemorating. 🎂

I’m not a creator but I made this playlist for me, so I could take the fic with me, have it with my eyes closed, while driving -- you get it. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it.

It’s a. It’s a lot. Excessive you might even say. Tumblr will only give you the first 100 songs in this, so, Spotify will fulfill you (or overwhelm you). If you hit my username on the playlist, there are separate playlists for each chapter.

This is also on Apple Music, if that’s your jam, just hit me up and I’ll send you the link.

🎉 Happy Slow Show Day!! 🎉

13 pages of track-lists and excerpts below the cut. Godspeed! 💙

Key:

Songs from Mia’s soundtrack

Songs from the Fic

--Title--

Slow Show – The National

--Prequel--

Loverman – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Devils – Say Hi

--Chapter 1--

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake

bad guy – Billie Eilish

-trash a set and shag your husband

Something About You (ODESZA Remix) – Hayden James

-what it would take for Avery Fell to let his guard down

A Little Wicked – Valerie Broussard

-The handkerchief in his hand is now stained purple

You Light Me Up In the Dark – The Hounds Below

-His hair catches the light like a halo, making him look more of an angel than ever.

Lazarus – David Bowie

-This could be a problem

--Chapter 2--

Unsteady – X Ambassadors

-much easier than talking about the way his heartbeat is still racing

Heart of a Dog – The Kills

-Call me darling again.

The Twilight Hour - Still Corners

-Looked across the set and thought, Ah fuck me. I’m in love with him.

God’s Mistake – Tears for Fears

-Avery: He’s closed his eyes again, mouth going flat and still.

Lounge Act – Nirvana

-Tell her all the terrible things I want to do to her husband

Transatlanticism – Death Cab for Cutie

-There’s a strange urgency tonight, though, and Crowley can guess why.

Do I Wanna Know? – Arctic Monkeys

-What could it hurt?

Clueless – The Marias

-“Better - yeah. ‘S late.”

Motel – Meg Myers

-The hotel room is another disaster

--Chapter 3--

Alone in a Room – Asking Alexandria

-“I’m having a moment here!”

Since You’ve Been Around – Rosie Thomas

-makes Crowley feel like he can breathe again

Home Again – The Disco Biscuits

-It’s starting to feel like home again

Every Other Freckle – alt-J

-Perfect. Ridiculous and impossible and perfect.

Something For the Longing – The Orchids

As Far As I Can See – Phantogram

-it’s been a really, really long time

Sinister Kid – The Black Keys

-“Mothering buggering shit-”

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

-Crowley fists one of his hands against his forehead, shuts his eyes tightly.

--Chapter 4--

I Like Me Better – Lauv

-I liked the outline of your face under the stagelights

I Do This for You (ft. Marlene) – Giorgio Moroder

-“Let me see what I can do. About your precious Hamlet.”

The Longing – Imelda May

-Avery POV: “Look at him like - like - you can’t let him see the way you look at him.”

Just a Man – Los Lobos

-Avery POV: like he’s being led into battle and not onto a set to do the job he loves

World In My Eyes – Depeche Mode

-wants to make that bastard purr

Tired (ft. Gavin James) – Alan Walker

-Let me be a magpie for you

Blow My Mind – The Benjamin Gate

-Avery: “I know you now.”

Breathe You in My Dreams – Trixie Whitley

-Crowley’s seen that expression on Avery’s face in his dreams

Love Me Like That (ft. Carly Rae Jepsen) – The Knocks

-What have I done to - oh. Oh. Right.

Like Real People Do - Hozier

-“Sure, angel, what- whatever.”

Clearly – Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley waits for the rest of the night.

Gwendel – PeelsDeen

-Az sits in the back seat, away from Crowley. Alone.

Now I’m In It – HAIM

-Avery POV: It’s a look like an open grave, a look like desire tempered with grief…

Flesh for Fantasy – Billy Idol

-Crowley isn’t lonely for the rest of the night

--Chapter 5 (Avery POV)--

Smalltown Boy – Rosborough

-1978, Hartlepool

Bright Horses – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

-1986, Newcastle Upon Tyne

The Runner – Foals

-1991, Bristol

Shock To Your System – Tegan and Sara

-Tracy: “Why d’you let them?”

Cracking Codes – Andrew Bird

-“Forever, of course. I’ll never -”

Colour me In – Damien Rice

-Their fingers - just touch. Slightly.

I’m Not in Love – 10cc

-Less to regret by not ever speaking of it.

--Chapter 6--

Electric Current – Lower Dens

-“I’ll let you know when you find it.”

Guess I Miss(ed) You – The Daylights

-Keep talking, keep him here a little while longer.

Reflecting Light – Sam Phillips

-“don’t meet his eyes like that, it looks like it’s a lead-in to a kiss”

King of Pain – The Police

-a good reminder of the kind of life he’s got to live

I Wanna Get Better – The Bleachers

-and Avery’s gaze is so gentle it hurts a bit

Feather – X Ambassadors

-Avery: “Someone has to”

Darker Side - Jonny Lang

-Avery: “Oh - good Lord.”

Firestone (Acoustic) – Conrad Sewell

-“Will you show me?”

Velvet Gloves and Spit - Timber Timbre

-“Anthony - ”

Wrong – Depeche Mode

-Avery: “I have to go.”

F**k it I love you – Lana Del Rey

-“Not your fault, angel”

--Chapter 7--

Somebody to Love – Queen

Heavenly – Cigarettes After Sex

-“I fucking still.”

Will Do - TV on the Radio

-“You too. I’ll see you there.”

Monster – Colours

-No wonder Avery ran off like a thief after a heist

Swallow My Pride – Ramones

-“I feel fucking ill about it.”

I Was Wrong - The Oh Hellos

-Avery: “I’m the one who has to apologize, not you.”

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret – Queens of the Stone Age

-Avery: “Please don’t tell anyone”

Wait for Me – Kings of Leon

-Avery: “Right now, I’m just - a bit in pieces.”

Don’t Stay – X Ambassadors

-“You can - stay or leave or - whatever you like.”

The Moth - Aimee Mann

-Avery’s eyes meet his, and then it’s like a car accident

Red Door – Julien Baker

-“I can - I can wait longer.”

Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell

-“I wasn’t apologizing for that. This morning. I won’t.”

Come Down to Me – Saving Jane

-Avery: “You were wonderful”

Secret Smile – Semisonic

-And if sometimes he catches Az watching him between takes

I Want More - KALEO

-Az laces both of their hands together, stares at them.

I’m Gonna Do My Thing – Royal Deluxe

-“So don’t tell me what will hurt me. I know what hurts.”

--Chapter 8--

Perfect Day – Lou Reed

Remember to Breathe – Sturgil Simpson

-“You can’t sit in the car all night you absolute nightmare”

Wild Love (Acoustic) – James Bay

-The two of them stare at each other and then both look away awkwardly.

Seasons – Future Islands

-finally, fucking finally, he’s exactly where he wants to be

Closer – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “if you like”

I Want All of You – The Verve Pipe

-“If you think I can survive this without looking at you -”

Use Me – Miguel

-whatever he sees in Crowley’s face makes him come to some sort of decision

So Much Love – Depeche Mode

-Love, he said love

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You – Bill Ryder-Jones

-I know you, Crowley wants to say, but doesn’t.

Become My Dream – Silya & The Sailors

-“Even if - anything, angel.”

I Belong In Your Arms – Chairlift

-For nearly two weeks it goes like this.

Faster - Matt Nathanson

-“You’re going to fucking kill me, angel -”

Come Together (feat. Sivu) – LAUREL

-In case you think they don’t wake up together

The High – Kelela

-Az has pulled a stool over to the edge of the tub

Just in Time – Valerie June

-Then Az’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around.

I Can’t Take It – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “Don’t rush, just - like this.”

Like This – Jake Scott

-Avery murmurs and it takes Crowley back to their first kiss

Terrible Love – The National

-Flinches away from him.

Help You Out - Emarosa

-And he nods.

--Chapter 9--

I Remember You – Ramones

-The first person Crowley loved was a liar.

Brighter Skies - Race Banyon

-As if they were cut with a jigsaw, as if they were meant to fit.

Not Tonight – Tegan and Sara

-When they reach the edge of the city, his hand slides out of Crowley’s.

As Sure as I Am – Crowded House

-So Crowley kisses him.

A Promise – Miriam Makeba

-And for awhile, he believed her.

Mistaken for Strangers – The National

-They’re only two small words, but they still make Crowley’s teeth ache.

Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen

-“Good-“ Swallow, speak, leave.

The Fear – Pulp

-Crowley should have been smarter this time. He really should have been.

Take Me – Leela James

-“I’d like you to close your blinds.”

Whenever You Want It – Clare Maguire

-“What do we do now?”

At My Weakest – James Arthur

-“It will be.”

Komm zurück - Fotos

-For years and years and years, nothing did.

Come on Get Higher – Matt Nathanson

-their feet sliding in the tub

Lay Down – Sarah Proctor

-I want to wake up with you.

Sort Of - Ingrid Michaelson

-Why is my heart breaking?

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues

-Just pump that shit straight into his veins.

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? – Ella Fitzgerald

-Avery: “What do you think?”

We’re Gonna Have A Real Good Time Together – The Velvet Underground

-“You want to grab dinner somewhere?”

Hiding – IAN SWEET

-Crowley stops walking. Looks at Az in the darkness.

Romance Dawn – Radkey

-A slice of light cuts through the darkness.

Crown of Love – Arcade Fire

-Crowley feels like the world has never been darker, and his heart will never stop beating

Devil’s Backbone – The Civil Wars

-He thought he was ready for this conversation, but at the sight of Az’s face, his throat has gotten too tight to speak.

Sinners – Lauren Aquilina

-“If this all goes down in flames, if it all falls apart - we can go off together.”

Please Forgive Me (Song of the Crow) – William Fitzsimmons

-Avery: “It’s over. I’m - I’m so sorry.”

Start a War – The National

-He twitches and trips and yet somehow manages to walk away without falling over.

Broken – Daley

-And this soft heartache was somehow the sharpest of them all.

--Chapter 10 (Avery POV)--

Daily Battles - Thom Yorke & Flea

-He tries to remember these things - but the background is still a chorus of beeping machines. There’s nowhere he can be but here.

Everybody Wants You - Red Hearse

-Go out and surround himself with people much more interesting and available than Avery. Better people, certainly.

A Thin Line – Blackchords

-But still - roads not taken, and other fun middle-aged spirals.

My Own Soul’s Warning - The Killers

-When was the last time someone asked Avery that? When was the last time he asked himself?

Who Am I - NEEDTOBREATHE

-I miss you. There. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would.

Wait for Me - Jack Curley

-What he wants to say is ‘don’t find someone else. Not yet. You and your black leather and your cut-glass profile: you’re gorgeous and God knows other people want you.’

Coming & Going – Amaal

-“Two ships passing in the night,” he says quietly. Then he takes a swallow of wine, lets it roll down his throat. “If you were here -”

Iron - Woodkid

-Crowley leaves him there, pressed against the wet brick wall. Crowley leaves him there. Crowley steps between Avery and a camera, and then leaves him.

The Greatest Bastard - Damien Rice

-He can’t be the person that kicks Crowley into the ashes again. He can’t hurt him like this, and Avery’s going to hurt him - he already has.

No Right to Love You – Rhys Lewis

-He deserves someone like - like Daniel. Deserves to be loved in the daylight.

If It’s Hurting You - Robbie Williams

-Time is a tricky business when you’re dying slowly; it skips like a flat stone on a quiet lake.

Happy For You – Gayle

-But surely - surely he’s allowed just this much. Just one message, just so Crowley knows that - that he’s happy for him. That Avery is so happy.

I See You (ICU) - Phoebe Bridgers

-When Avery sees Crowley on the red carpet, it feels like the sudden remembrance of a lovely dream.

Once In My Life - The Decemberists

-Crowley: “I know there’ve been some - hard times. That’s - that is what it is. But for me - it’s been a privilege. A dream. So.” He nods and nods and nods again. “Thank you.”

Coming Down - Dum Dum Girls

-Tracy: “But I wasn’t. I was hurting you. This whole time, Az.” She shakes her head, wiping frantically at tears that won’t stop falling. “He loves you.”

I Don’t Know Anything – Little Voice Cast

-He’s afraid of finding out that all this time - he was doing the wrong thing anyway. He’s afraid that Anthony Crowley will never talk to him again.

Sweet Sour - Band of Skulls

-"And you're fired"

Heart Attack - Devarrow

-The sun is still rising when Avery gets out of the car, closes the door behind him. Though some of the roads have changed, his feet still know the way down to the docks of his youth. He was never a sailor, but the shoreline is familiar as a childhood sweetheart, as a long lost love.

Landslide - Robyn Sherwell

-He’s alone, and he’s nearly fifty years old. He could get on a ship, he could throw himself into the sea. There’s no one holding him back anymore.

All I Can - Sharon van Etten

-And he knows. He knows.

--Chapter 11--

Salvation - The Strumbellas

- there’s a moment where he swears he sees a young idiot in black standing in the crowd. Red hair gelled up into spikes, black t-shirt full of holes and safety pins. A young man who has no idea how much he’s about to lose.

Soldier - Fleurie

-And he’s still fucking here.

Easier – Mansionair

-Then he gets the fuck above ground and he calls Beez (oh great, they’re his emotional-support-asshole now. That’s healthy).

Deep End – Holly Humberstone

-“I brought you cheese,” Beez says, and Crowley starts crying.

Falling Short – Lapsley

-For the next few days, he lets his stupid body do what it needs to do to keep himself upright.

Chariot (Stripped Version) - Gavin DeGraw

-Shit, this was a bad bad idea.

Quiet Light - The National

-There’s a text from Az later that night, and his name on Crowley’s phone makes him feel like jumping off a cliff.

All That We Had is Lost - Postiljonen

-He’s not allowed to be in love with that man anymore. Wasn’t ever, really.

Heal - Tom Odell

-It makes a rather hysterical laugh well out of his throat. Anthony fucking Crowley. You are still alive.

Let Me Go - HAIM

-Crowley tries to ignore the soft, injured expression on the other man’s face as he turns away.

A Beginning Song - The Decemberists

-“What’s more frightening than having a choice?”

The Spark - William Prince

-And he likes to think he would have just burned the world to ashes with the power of his love, would have said fuck everyone, I choose you – but who knows.

Sharp Scratch - The Slow Show

-So stupid, I know, and I’m - sorry, I still love you and I’m tryin’ to stop and I will I just - needed to tell you that. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Just miss you.

Beautiful & Brutal – Plested

-Crowley moves without thinking. Falls like a stagelight, glass everywhere. He walks forward and is kissing Az before the door has even been pulled shut.

Bad Chemistry - Fake Shark

-“I’ve been - thinking about this -” Az says between darts of his tongue against Crowley’s overheated skin.

All We Do – Oh Wonder

-“But I - I love you. And I can’t - hide. It hurts too much.”

Broken Strings - James Morrison (ft Nelly Furtado)

-“I wouldn’t survive it. That way it was. I wouldn’t.”

Stole the Show – Parson James

-But even on their distant shores, Crowley and Az don’t stop looking at each other. It feels like an ending. Maybe it is one. Not a happy ending, but not a bad one either.

Level Up - Vienna Teng

-excerpt from Anthony Crowley: Out of the shadows, under the spotlight

The Wire (Alternate Version) – Patrick Droney

-Avery: “I’m rather in - in love with you.”

Sweet Thing - Van Morrison

-“You can stay at my place. If you like.”

Falling in Love - Cigarettes After Sex

-“I love you. I’ve missed you, and I love you, and I want you -”

Stay - Cat Power

-He watches the slow flicker of awareness in Avery’s blue eyes. The curve of his mouth into a shade of smile that Crowley’s never seen before.

Freedom - George Michael

-“To the world.”

--Chapter 12--

Banks - NEEDTOBREATHE

-What he wasn’t used to was bringing someone else down with him, and jail would be a bloody blessing compared to seeing Az grey-faced and staring out windows, or that one time Crowley’s pretty sure the man was crying in the bathroom, trying to swallow down the sound so that Crowley didn’t notice (he clenches his hands into fists just thinking about it).

Black Mambo - Glass Animals

-“It’ll have to be.” Crowley drops to his knees. “There’s a lot of ground to cover.”

Florets - Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley can let his fingers curl against Az’s palm, can watch him open as a flame, not caring who notices.

Sight of the Sun - fun.

-That this longing won’t destroy him, and won’t destroy Az either. It’s not a shovel for burying Crowley alive - it’s a spade for planting things.

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

-Az drops his hand onto Crowley’s knee (“What is this song? I rather like it.”).

Only Everything (Acoustic) – Quinn Lewis

-“It’s nice to have someone make it for you, right? Sometimes,” Crowley says softly, too much love in his throat and in his hands. It’s hard to breathe around it, especially when Avery is looking at him.

The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

-“You bought a cottage for us.” Crowley is an animal being taught to speak through scraps of meat and electric shocks. “This cottage.”

Say You’ll Be Mine – Christopher Cross

-Avery: “But if you wanted -” Fuck, there are tears in Avery’s eyes. “If you want. I’d like to call you my husband. I’d like to say ‘let me ask my husband,’ or ‘I brought my husband with me’ or ‘my husband won a BAFTA’.”

Anthem - Leonard Cohen

-Their broken edges match. And somehow, the light still shines through.

Precious Love – James Morrison

-When the light catches them both, they shine. And so do you. So do we.

Good Man (acoustic) - Josh Ritter

If you made it this far...wow, hi hello. So, this is ours and my musical exposure is limited, if you’ve got a better song for an excerpt, feel free to shoot it over, more than happy for this to be a living changeable thing. 🤡

#slow show #slow show playlist #tumblr html code after read more is some bullshit #it's fic for your ears

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aflyingcontradiction · 4 years ago

Text

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 89 - Twice as Bright

Jon: Right. But no more abattoir metaphors, please. Jude: Suppose it’s not really me, is it?

Yeah, too Fleshy.

Jon: I just have a few questions. Did you burn down a section of Gwydir Forest last year? Jude: Not alone, but yes. You should have seen how devastated they were, such a loss. Jon: I’m sure the Forestry Commission were mortified. Why? Jude: Stop that! And it was because Nikola Orsinov asked us to.

Jon doesn't even know what he's doing and Jude is getting all bristly, like a scared cat hissing.

Jon: I just… er, you were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct? Jude: She’s not one of your little stories. Jon: According to the statement of Jack Barnabas, she very much is.

Anyone going to throw things at me if I say "Oooh, burn!" in this context? Because, this is very much an Ooooh burn sort of situation.

Jon: Yes, yes, I understand, you could easily kill me, I’m at your mercy, blah, blah, blah. I have heard it before. And from things much scarier than you.

Jeez, Jon, where's all THIS coming from all of the sudden? Man, I wish I ever went from 'exhaustedly done with the world's shit' to 'I'm giving the world its shit right back!' like that!

Jude: Are you trying to talk me into killing you? If I wanted, I could reach through your chest like runny wax, and hold your heart while it cooked. No-one would even notice, if I didn’t give you time to scream.

Oh god, I love Jude. Every other avatar we've met is all quiet menace until they go full-monster and even then they're just 'JooOoon, coming to fiiiiind youuuu'. And here's Jude just CHEWING the goddamn scenery with relish, cutting things asunder with her edge. I've said this multiple times to people while discussing TMA but Jude is just basically the navy seal copypasta of avatardom and I'm enjoying her so much right now!

Jude: Hard to say. When I look at you I feel that burning liquid pain, eager to flow out and purify your rotten carcass, but I feel that a lot. Jon: Oh. M-More or less than normal? Jude: Hard to say when every nerve ending’s on fire. Hard to tell degrees. Jon: Third degree, maybe?

I cannot tell you which of the two I want to squeal at more right now. I adore this entire dialogue so much.

Jude: Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge. I serve a reckoning, a surging tide of destruction and pain.

Okay, but you still react like a cat that's been sprayed with water whenever Jon asks you a question, Jude, love, you're not fooling anyone...

Jude: The unfathomable contest of eternal forces is not the only reason I might want someone dead.

This is important right here. Obviously the idea that avatars are still their own people, regardless of the Entity they serve, became really obvious somewhere along the line, but at this point in my first go I was still basically thinking in terms of "Hm, well, this power and that power interact in this way... wait, that makes no sense..." and sort of discounting that it's not always ABOUT the powers, despite how obvious that was!

Jon: Statement of Jude Perry, regarding… some advice.

Jon just vacillates wildly between fear and being so DONE with Jude's bullshit and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Jude: The pain is sensational. You feel your flesh cooking, your nerves screaming out as they die exquisitely. Your whole body changes texture as you become that which feeds the fire. In that agonising, beautiful transformation, you can feel it ignite again and again and again.

Okay, now she's just making self-immolation sound tempting...

It was Agnes, of course. I don’t know where she found me, I only remember sitting in a booth with a beautiful young woman who smelled like matches and incense.

Well, someone's certainly smitten...

And with each act of glorious, hateful destruction, I felt my god’s love embrace me, consume me, give me life. Any feelings of pity or mercy I might have had for the poor woman I fed from were cauterised.

Ah, come on, like they existed to need cauterising in the first place...

And so I ended it. For all the agony and pain on Gretchen’s face, she didn’t seem surprised when I doused myself in kerosene and set it alight. I think she screamed. She must have screamed.

Tbh, Gretchen may have been traumatised for life but Jude seems to have lost interest in her after, so that was probably fucking lucky for poor Gretchen here.

Jon: Michael? (...) Corridors, weird limbs, laughs like a… headache? Jude: What? No. He’s pale, got a big, weird scar. Smells of, um… Jon: Oh, ozone! Jude: Yeah, that’s the one. Hangs around with the Fairchilds sometimes.

I love that the podcast is lampshading the fact that they've got two recurring characters named Michael (AND one Mikaele on top but at least he's usually referred to by his last name). I wonder at what point Johnny went "Whoops, I may have created a confusion." (I mean, not that it's unrealistic, my UK friend group-and-adjacent-people had enough Andrews, Johns and Matts that they basically all ended up with weird nicknames but it's just a bad idea to have identical names in fiction.)

Jude: Come on. It won’t hurt. (...) I lied. Jon: - SCREAMING IN INCREASING AGONY -

I mean, first of all, duh, yeah, OF COURSE SHE LIED! But also, Johnny is not a bad actor. The scream reminded me a little of that one time that my partner managed to scald a hand with boiling water while making tea (one of the worst sounds I've ever heard, incidentally, would like to not hear that again.)

My impression of this episode

First of all, I adore Jude. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I'd be friends with her (I mean, duh, she was despicable as a human being and is now a fully devoted servant of the Entity-of-torment-and-loss, having near-orgasms over the idea of making people suffer, so...) but as a character she's just so beautifully over the top! It's fun! And Jon's interaction with her is incredibly interesting because, well, this may be the first time that Jon meets anything Entity-adjacent that is actually afraid of HIM (and yeah, Jude may be putting on a tough act, but she seems fucking terrified.) That was just really fun to watch, to be honest. A little bit of ... vicarious power fantasy, perhaps, at least until Jude turns the tables again. This was just a really enjoyable episode!

#tma relisten #the magnus archives

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chironshorseass · 4 years ago

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29 and 30 fluff for perachel or percabeth? Hehe I like both ships don’t @ me. Love your writing btw!

I kinda managed to do both...kinda lol. This was fun to do :) Sorry in advance for the bad puns.

writing prompts

“Detention? Again?”

“Look, I can explain.”

Annabeth rolled her eyes and sat back on her bed, too tired to stand up and listen to what Percy had to say, most likely.

“Sure you can.”

They’d been Iris Messaging for a few minutes now. Percy, exhausted from a day of school and homework, had taken the first chance off to fish out a drachma from his drawer and call one of the people he’d missed most since the summer.

It had slipped his mind that New York and San Francisco had different time zones. But luckily, Annabeth was still awake. He’d found her in her bedroom, curls pulled into a messy bun and eyebrows scrunched up in concentration as she read some textbook, still studying for the exam she’d talked about a week ago.

Despite her initial complaints about Percy interrupting her, he knew that she didn’t mind.

“So?” she asked, bringing him back to the present.

She pulled her legs under her and stared at him expectantly.

He blinked. “Huh?”

She raised an eyebrow, and Percy thought—in the back of his mind—that she looked unfairly pretty. At night, with the fairy lights illuminating her hair and her face, like an angel.

“Why’d you get detention?”

“Oh. That.”

“Yes, Seaweed Brain. That.”

“Uhm…” Percy scratched the back of his neck. “It’s kind of a funny story, I um…”

“Spit it out.”

Now that he thought about it, maybe he shouldn’t have said anything at all. Maybe he should’ve thought this through, to avoid any arguments. Or confrontations. Or another cold shoulder. They weren’t as awkward now that the school year had started, but the mention of her always put Annabeth on edge, anyway.

“You see, I was with, uh...Rachel.”

He paused, noticing the way she gripped her textbook tighter, slightly wrinkling the pages.

Why did I think this was a good idea? Stupid.

“I was with Rachel, and she sort of, um...” he laughed nervously, already cringing. “Made a bet?”

Technically, he’d made the bet. But that wasn’t important for Annabeth to know.

Chemistry, in Percy’s opinion, was the most boring class Goode had to offer. Useless. Irrelevant.

Confusing, most of all.

At least he was partners with Rachel. It was one of the few classes they had together. They sat at the very back, so they were rarely noticed anyway, mostly spending the forty five minutes of lectures about chemical equations doing little drawing games on their notebooks and playing hangman. Percy lost most of the time.

The teacher wasn’t that great, either. Most of the school knew her as Mrs. Jones. She was a short lady in her late sixties with thin, badly dyed hair who had a concerning addiction to gum—so to Percy and Rachel—she was known as Mrs. Gum-Gum. She turned to the board for some explanation that Percy had completely lost interest on since the first five minutes of class. Rachel let out a low moan, hands on her forehead.

“Kill me now,” she muttered.

“Sorry, I can’t. My sword doesn’t work on you.”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah,” he grinned, leaning backwards and tilting his chair. “I know.”

She hit him in the shin. “You’re going to fall one of these days, and the class will never let you forget it.”

“Eh,” Percy shrugged. “At least they’d get a laugh and you wouldn’t be so bored.”

Her green eyes twinkled with humor like she’d just remembered something. She snorted. “Okay. So this one time, a girl was doing the same thing as you, leaning back and all—and she like, fell. It was hilarious, because she just lay there, with her feet in the air.”

“Rachel Dare,” Gum-Gum called, narrowed eyes cast on them. She kind of sounded like a wounded hyena, in his humble opinion. “I sure hope you and Mr. Jackson are discussing the worksheet that I gave out.”

Rachel nodded and threw her a thumbs up, while Percy held a fist to his mouth to stop the smile forming on his face. Gum-Gum left her alone and went back to her lecture.

The class kept its monotone routine of worksheets and notes, so as a distraction, Rachel grabbed his arm and popped the lids off her sharpies, drawing little figurines. She was on his second tattoo when an idea came to him.

“Hey, Rach?” he whispered, making sure the teacher was facing the board.

“Hmm.”

“We should play truth or dare.”

She grabbed the green marker and spread the ink from side to side across his skin. “Mmm...No.”

“Come on,” he whined. “I’m bored.”

“Yeah, but we’ve done truth or dare so many times now. It’s gotten old. Besides, you’re such a pussy.”

“Am not.”

“Yes, you are. Remember that time I dared you to eat the gum from under the seat?”

Percy made a face. “That was so fucking gross. Nobody in their right mind would’ve done that. Maybe Mrs. Gum-Gum, but I am not on her level.”

“I figured, after you blatantly refused. And then there’s the time when I dared you to kiss Mary Andrews. On the cheek. And you couldn’t do it.”

“Oh my gods, I can’t just kiss girls. That’s leading them on.”

She exhaled, long and deep and stared at him as if he were a lost cause. “Okay. Whatever.”

She went back to drawing on his arm.

“If anyone’s the pussy right now,” he whispered. “It’s you.”

“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that. You just wish you were as marginally cool as me.”

“Um...Then why won’t you play truth or dare?”

“Like I said: bo-ring.” She leaned closer to his arm, creating tiny details with the thinner side of the sharpie. “And don’t tell me I don’t do the dares, ‘cause I do. My last name’s Dare, after all. It would be a complete dishonor.”

“How long have you waited to say that?”

“Oh, you don’t wanna know. Now hold still. You’d look good with tattoos, by the way.”

He sighed. Okay, fine. She had a point, he wasn’t that great at doing “cool” stuff, likely because he was traumatized by the getting-kicked-out-of-schools thing he had going for him. You know, maybe it was that.

As Percy watched her work with her sharpies, he realized: maybe there was a way to prove to her that he could do daring stuff. A once in a lifetime thing. And in the process, he could make her smile.

“Fine,” he said. “If you don’t wanna do something, then let’s make a bet.”

“Depends on what you want to bet on, but go on.”

“How much money would you give me to flip this table, right here, right now, in the middle of class?”

The read-head stopped creating the swirly lines of the little wave she’d been working on, making his skin tingle from the loss of the pointy marker. She lifted her freckled face, watching him with raised eyebrows.

“Nah, you don’t have the guts.”

“Psh. ‘Course I do. I’m Percy Jackson.”

“Ohhh! Percy Jackson. I’m Rachel Dare, nice to meet you.” She lifted her hand like she wanted Percy to shake it.

He slapped it away. “Shut up. I can totally do it.”

“Do you not care about getting in trouble with dear ol’ Gum-Gum?”

“I’ll make it seem like an accident.”

“Nothing you do seems like an accident to teachers.”

“Good point. Still be worth it, though.” He lowered his voice even further. “Besides, I gotta prove to you that I can do cool stuff.”

Rachel snorted. “Now I could literally ask you to do drugs and you’d do it, apparently. Peer pressure is a dangerous thing, my dude.”

He grinned. “And I want your money. You’re like, rich, Dare.”

“Thanks for the reminder, Jackson.”

“No problem.”

Gum-Gum shot them an admonishing look, and they pretended to do their work.

“So,” she said after a few seconds passed. “How much money?”

“I knew you could work with me.”

“Ugh, I’m getting second thoughts from your dramatism.”

“You love it.”

They held gazes, green on green. Rachel narrowed hers and sighed.

“Again, how much money?”

Percy shrugged. “You decide.”

“Fine.” She flipped some of her fiery curls over her shoulder. “I’m betting on a hundred bucks.”

He whistled under his breath. “Damn. You want me to do it that badly?”

“I do want to see everyone’s reaction to Percy Jackson losing his shit.” He shoved her, but she continued. “Especially Gum-Gum’s. But I know we’re getting in trouble, so we might as well go all out. What? It’s true! But at least you’d get your money.”

Percy shook his head. He’d probably regret this later.

Then he thought, what would Annabeth think?

But he couldn't dwell too much on that. At least it would be funny.

“We need to clear the desk, though.”

“Duh.”

So they worked, as quietly and discreetly as they could. When they’d finished, Percy turned to Rachel and nodded. She put a hand against her mouth to muffle her laughter.

On the third count, he flipped the desk. The table crashed with a resonating bang.

Rachel leaned backwards and let out a sound of surprise, probably because she’d half speculated that he wouldn’t pull through with it in the first place.

Immediately, everyone craned their heads to the back of the room. Some jumped at the sound. Others gasped or snickered, especially at the sight of Mrs. Gum-Gum. She yelped and dropped her marker, slapping a hand to her chest and retreating a few steps as if she were about to go into cardiac arrest.

“Percy Jackson!”

He winced a bit, but all in all, he thought he was keeping a straight face. But then he caught onto Rachel’s expression, arms crossed. He doubted they’d get off freely, just as she’d said.

As they shouldered their backpacks, heading for room 1345—detention—Rachel slipped her hand in the pocket of her paint-splattered uniform skirt.

“I didn’t know I had the money with me, but it seems as though he fates are in your favor, Jackson,” she said, taking the dollar bills from her pocket and handing them to him. They both knew all too well that she didn’t care for it. Daddy issues, he recalled.

Percy raised his eyebrow. “Thanks, Rach. Now, I can finally buy a new skateboard.”

“Nice to know that this was worth it.”

“Especially since now you have to do something...daring.”

She tapped her index finger to her temple mockingly. “Oh, I see. That’s why you wanted to do that bet. So then we could be on even ground.”

“Do you agree, Dare?”

“My gods, you’re so corny. But sure. Though let's not get ourselves a detention pass the next time, hmm? I feel bad for you. How many have you gotten this semester?” She clicked her tongue. “What will your mom say?”

1343, 1344 ... 1345. This was the place. Through the window, he could see many of the students already settling in, giving the teacher the strip of paper that he and Rachel had in their pockets.

He exhaled. “I don’t want to think about Mom just yet. But honestly, I don’t mind detention. And I don’t think she would, either. Better than getting kicked out.”

“Mmhmm. And I don’t really mind spending some more quality time with you. Even if we get in trouble, I kinda think you’re nice to be around, Jackson.” She smiled and held her arm out for him to pass. For some reason, that comment made his chest feel warm and fuzzy. “Gentlemen first.”

“Isn’t it ladies first?”

“Chivalry is dead. Now go on.” She nodded towards the door. “I like being fashionably late.”

“And you say I’m the dramatic one,” he grumbled.

#anon #writing prompts #perachel #percabeth #pjo fic #also this dragged out and idk I got lazy #look mom i can write

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nellie-elizabeth · 4 years ago

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Grey's Anatomy: Look Up Child (17x14)

Well... goodbye, Jackson Avery.

Cons:

Obviously I'm still deep in my feelings about Alex Karev's departure, so I'll probably end up comparing the two a lot... I will say that Jackson is getting a better treatment because of actor availability, and on a personal note I've always shipped Jackson and April, so I'm happy with this sort of open-ended thing of maybe they'll get back together. BUT, at the same time, we have to acknowledge how lazy and repetitive this is, right? Jackson is moving away to do what's best for him personally, and we're given this indication that maybe he can get back together with his ex. Reminds me of Arizona leaving to go be closer to her daughter, and us finding out in an off-hand aside that Callie and Penny had broken up (thus negating the whole reason why Callie had even moved away in the first place). Lazy writing.

We should also talk about Catherine. I've never liked her, as anyone who reads these reviews will know, but is she just... okay with Jackson taking over the foundation? Is there a... larger conversation to be had here? Is he ousting her from her job, or is she just nodding and accepting retirement with grace? As much as I've always felt frustrated by her character, this particular move felt out of character to the point where I feel like I need to point it out. Maybe we'll see her pushing back in the episodes to come? It looks like Jackson isn't quite gone yet...

I'm not a fan of the fake-outs this episode tries to pull. Jackson at April's front door, ready to make some kind of big, but "not compulsive" announcement. It looks like it's supposed to be a love confession, then it's super not. But then later April and Matthew have separated and so we get this sort of... "maybe" vibe at the end. It's wishy-washy but I get why it has to be... it's just frustrating to watch.

I've always liked April, and by the time her last couple of seasons came on the show, I'd grown to really love her. So it's also weird to see her here and feel like something was just that slightly... off? Like she wasn't quite the same character I remembered? I don't know. Maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe the weight of that expectation colored my opinion when I finally saw it?

In all, as I write out all of these "cons", I guess this episode just left me feeling a little cold and underwhelmed. Jackson's realization of what he wants to do felt reasonable as a character beat, but also a little too telegraphed and scripted if that makes sense. I didn't get a sense of him as a character with existing relationships that matter to him. He spent the bulk of his time talking to his dad and April, two characters who are not regulars on this show. What about his relationships to the other characters that we know really well and are still following? I hope we get to see that before Jackson departs for good.

Pros:

Despite what I said above, it was nice to see April again. I've always loved her so deeply. Her chaotic energy but deep-seeded and hard-won trust in herself after so many years make her an enjoyable character to spend time with, in my opinion. And I'm a sucker for the easy relationship between her and Jackson, the back and forth they share, the way they know each other so very deeply. They're able to recognize each other's shortcomings and also strengths, which is what leads to a moment where they make a choice to do something big and crazy, because it's what Jackson needs and it might be the best thing for April and her career and family too. There's a trust between them that at this point is pretty unshakable, despite a shaky past.

I think Jesse Williams is enough of a good actor that I find his scenes with his father very emotionally affecting. There's obviously a great deal of discomfort and anger lingering between them, but he also wants to try and understand his father's perspective, and he might be in the right frame of mind to actually do that for the first time in his life. I like stories about sons learning to be better than their fathers, and in some ways that's what this story is. Jackson is making choices that align with his values but that don't take him away from his daughter. But in other ways, Jackson has something to learn from his father other than how to be different from him, and that's interesting to see too. People are complex. People have more than one side to them. People are right and then also wrong.

Since this episode was Jackson-centric, it's actually easy to sum up everything that happens... so that's really all I've got to say! It wasn't a terrible episode to watch by any stretch of the imagination, even though it had more things I was frustrated with than that I truly enjoyed. I'm really sad that Jesse Williams is leaving Grey's. This is a show that can sustain itself through some big losses of characters, but every time another one leaves, it makes me worried about the show's future. Alex Karev, then Andrew DeLuca, now Jackson Avery? Where have all the good men gone?

7/10

#review #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy review #greys anatomy review #grey's abc #greys anatomy #greys abc

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andreils-keys · 4 years ago

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kay so ive been taking prompts from my instagram and

why would you tell me not to kill one and if i do to bring him back please you’re taking all the joy out of writing >:(

anyways lets get into it <3 (tw: small mention of domestic abuse)

(disclaimer yes i am a kandreil shipper :))

andrew is cursed in the same way blue was sort of where if he tells someone that he loves them they’ll die (yes i changed it a bit)

but instead of doing the whole 'you're cursed zap magic' thing (bc i don't think it'd fit very well in the aftgverse) im gonna try something else

andrew had some pretty shitty foster homes when he was young

but the worst one was a small house by a family-owned ice cream shop

he remembers the ice cream shop very vividly. it was where he went when his foster mother was out working or drinking. it was where he went to feel safe.

he was pretty young, maybe 4 ? 5 ? impressionable. in that stage where santa claus and the boogie man were real, where hiding under a blanket protected you from nightmares. (he learned pretty quickly that hiding under the blanket did not protect you from anything.

he was bashed and battered with fists and words, words that cursed his very being and proclaimed that to love him was to die.

he was so young

he was only a child

and he did what children do best

he believed

there was a time when he doubted

another foster parent, a run down house made beautiful with love and mismatched furniture

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

finally, he let himself love

he let his foster mother in, little by little, and he thought: maybe im not a curse

and he said: i love you

the day after, she died in a car crash

the car brutalized

her body brutalized

his heart brutalized

coincidence? he says out loud at the entrance of another foster home. because it needs to be said. because lies always become crystal clear when said out loud.

bc of this he's never directly expressed love for anyone and he tends to distance himself from people just to make sure there's 0 risk of him causing someone's death

but if he does care for someone he shows this through actions (no i love yous because that's what he believes caused his foster mothers death)

he's always had people he's cared about, people he's wanted to protect and keep safe

but ever since the car crash, hes never had anyone hes wanted to say i love you to

until

[enter kevin day]

the first person that consumed him was kevin, the boy that sought him out in high school with desperation in his eyes, raving about a sport that had made andrews days in juvie a little more bearable.

the man that always appeared on television with a cardboard smile stamped onto his face, always a step behind riko moriyama, always hiding in his shadow.

the man that inexplicably made yet another appearance in andrews life, this time with a shattered hand and a plea for help.

the man that pushed and pulled andrew just enough to get him through another day, another week.

and then neil, so different from kevin and yet so alike, as sudden as a gunshot, as tantalizing as death.

the boy that's as invested in riko and kevin as andrew is.

the boy that is impenetrable and distrusting, the boy that lets no one in.

at first andrew thinks he's safe. as long as neil doesn't let anyone in, that means andrew won't have to let him in. and kill him.

aha sike. turns out neil is the trusting-no-one-but-andrew-minyard-and-kevin-day type

the three of them form a twisted complicated pyramid; each side leaning against the other two. immovable. strong. inseparable, unless andrew deliberately pushes himself away when the feeling ballooning in his chest is too much.

(although he will always get pulled back in. the gravity of neil and kevin is too strong for andrew to stay away.)

he promises to protect them because that's what he does for the people he cares about.

but falling in love is a whole other ball game.

andrew is so afraid.

afraid to love them, afraid to let them in.

he knows he can't allow it; every time he thinks of how much he feels for them, he remembers the car, the shattered windows, the pieces of glass tipped with blood.

but andrew is only human.

even if he tells himself not to fall in love, the heart and body tend to ignore the mind.

he let’s himself be selfish

the hard press of kevin's lips against his, the gentle tug of neils fingers threaded through his hair, a hand clamped against neils neck and the other gripping kevin's arm.

that is all andrew allows

he doesn't mind if kevin and neil go gallivanting off somewhere on their own (s a f e l y; if those idiots get taken by the yakuza it would be extremely inconvenient for andrew)((andrew: dammit now i have to save them from the mafia nicky: you don't have t- andrew: no im gonna)), even if it prods unpleasantly at a sensitive point in his heart. if they're happy, hes happy.

(well, not quite happy. satisfied is the proper word. and he supposes that's the most he can ask for.)

he doesn't tell them about the nightmares. the dreams of fire and blood and twisted metal, of fists and a curse and a small, dark room. more often than not neil will wake to find andrew sliding out of his bunk and going to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream.

neil won't pry, but he'll wake kevin and they'll join andrew in the kitchen, standing on the other side of the counter from andrew with their shoulders pressed together, a reminder to each other and andrew that they are there for each other.

and then neil disappears. like a dream. like smoke.

andrew took his eyes off neil for one second, and neil vanished in the crowd of angry fans.

they search and search but neil is gone.

all they find is neils exy racket lying on the ground in pieces, broken from the stampede of fans.

andrew whispers, the words dredged from a desperate, vulnerable place inside him: i love you. neil, i love you. come back to me. come back to kevin. come back to us.

the next day, the fbi tells them that they found neils gym bag. it was covered with tire tracks and spattered with blood.

they couldn’t find neil.

and the pyramid falls.

the grief and guilt and heartbreak andrew feels is unparalleled. never has he felt so broken. never has he felt so dirty. he did this. he did this.

kevin insists neil is still alive. lost and floating, but alive

but andrew knows better.

his nightmares get worse. sprinkled in with the mauled car and heavy fists is a shattered exy stick, a gym bag dripping blood, an unreachable figure with red hair and a slash of a smile.

andrew spirals.

he refuses to speak to anyone. even kevin. he'll stay with kevin and press his palm into the side of kevin's neck, his pulse grounding andrew and keeping him in the here and now, but he will not speak.

cabeswater brought gansey back right and i feel like the one closest to magic would be renee (thank you neils jortventures fairy magic huzzah) except she doesn't use magic.

so remember how she was affiliated with a gang when she was young

there was a member of the gang that continued to reach out to her, especially once they escaped from the gang a little after renee did

renee did respond to their messages, but she tried not to initiate conversation because they were part of her old life and she was living and loving her new one.

essentially she was nice enough not to cut them out completely.

unfortunately the kid got caught up in another gang that was closely associated with the butcher of baltimore

when nathan dies they text renee about how their gang is in pieces because the butcher is dead.

renee isnt there to receive the message right away (she and andrew were sparring, as they were keen to do now that neil was gone and andrew was out of sorts) and kevin is the one to catch the word butcher when the notification pops up

he scrambles for renees phone and sees: the butcher is dead.

he is so relieved because the butcher, the man kevin always had to fear and avoid, is dead

and then he starts to think

neil’s father was the butcher. does this have something to do with neil? was the butcher the one that took neil? if the butcher is dead, does that mean neil is still alive?

it’s a bit of a stretch, but kevin is willing to believe anything if it means that neil is alive

he tells andrew

he doesn't expect andrew to do anything but he still wants to tell him, just so that andrew will know, just so that kevin himself can taste the words.

kevin asks renee if they can reach out and she's like wtf y'all doing going through my phone but she understands how hard it hit them, andrew especially, and if it'll help them she'll go along

they meet up with the kid

renee seems nice enough, but andrew can tell how strained she is by the way she keeps cracking her knuckles one by one

they get the info from the kid about a red haired blue eyed cut up burned kid

kevin is distraught about the cut up burned part

andrew is close to vomiting from a whirlwind of relief (they never said he was dead) and denial and fear for neil

he refuses to get his hopes up; he said the cursed words. he saw the blood on neils’s gym bag. he saw the shattered exy stick. (or was that a dream? his nightmares and reality are so tightly interwoven he can hardly tell what's real)

the kid warns kevin and andrew that the last time they saw neil was in the basement and that the probablity of him still being there is relatively low

kevin makes a sort of impatient gesture at the kid and they bring kevin and andrew to the house (renee stays behind; she made a lame excuse about needing to make a phone call but she just wanted to give them space, either to reunite with neil or grieve their loss a second time)

from the outside, it’s a nice looking house and it doesn��t look threatening in the least, but andrew knows how deceiving appearances can be

once they go inside everything is in shambles. the couch overturned, the tv screen cracked in multiple places, ceiling plaster and pieces of porcelain all over the counters and dining table

the kid points them to the basement

kevin is the first to go down

andrew is surprised mainly because kevin is usually always so careful

andrew follows more warily, afraid to find nothing, afraid to find neil; afraid to have his heart broken all over again, afraid of the prospect that he has wasted his entire life living a lie.

he reaches the basement to find kevin wrapped around a small beat up, bruised, burnt, and shivering lump.

neil is hurt and bloody, and it drives a stake through andrew’s heart, but the fact that neil is breathing and alive alive alive causes a different kind of pain, the unique pain of relief and sorrow and love swirled together.

kevin is stroking neils hair and very obviously trying not to have a panic attack and andrew goes to them

sits down

both kevin and neil look up at him, and andrew watches as some of the fear and pain in their eyes fades.

he can feel the words bubbling up and he wants to say them, to scream them, but they are stuck inside his throat, twisted around his tongue.

it is a language andrew has taught himself to unlearn.

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

it’s even easier when you have two people behind you, people who have seen what you have seen, people who make an effort to understand you.

andrew eventually does say it.

the words, no longer cursed, are still clumsy and fall in a messy jumble at his feet

but there they are, light as a cloud, heavy as a storm:

i love you

#aftg #all for the game #aftg hc #aftg headcanon #aftg headcanons #kandreil #kandreil hc #trc #bluesey #this wasnt supposed to be angst #and then it turned into kandreil angst #and honestly im not complaining

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philliamwrites · 4 years ago

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tr[U]st

Fandom: All For The Game (Nora Sakavic)

Pairing: Neil/Andrew

Tags: #soft moments, #soft boys, #post Kings Men

Words: 1.1k

Summary: The boys can be soft nd caring and I will fight anyone saying something else.

tr[U]st

When Neil awakes, he’s scrambling for the gun under his pillow to get the weight off his back.

The rush of adrenaline punches through his body and screams at him to get on his feet and fucking go, but the grip on his wrists is too strong, the weight on his torso too heavy, and he’s 0.6 seconds away from begging Nathan to spare him.

“Josten. Josten,” someone hisses above him, and then, “Neil.” And just like that, everything slides back into focus and Neil’s looking up at Andrew.

Neil’s head falls back, and he groans. “Fuck.”

Andrew doesn’t move, doesn’t look away. “You don’t say.”

They stay like that for a moment, wait for Neil’s labored breath to turn shallow and soft. Andrew lets go of Neil’s hands but apparently he’s pretty comfortable on his lap because he doesn’t move away, and Neil can’t decide if the weight is like a chain around his neck or the life line he needs. In the end, it’s good because Andrew’s weight on him is familiar; it’s something he knows how to handle.

Neil runs his hands over his face, through his hair. His forehead’s sticky with sweat and strands of wet, auburn hair slide through his fingers. He’s trying to remember the last time he’s had a calm night, but lately they’re filled with nightmares like this where the edges of dream and reality go blurry and he can’t immediately tell if he’s still with the Foxes or back in Baltimore. Neil is so adamant in drilling into his head that he’s safe, that Nathan is dead, and Riko is dead, and no one can get to him (not with Andrew around anyway) that it backfires and his imagination comes up with all sorts of gruesome scenarios portraying his mom choking on thick, black smoke, his teammates in various states of unrepairable damage, Andrew, oh, Andrew caught in a straitjacket with foreign hands all over him, but he only smiles, and smiles and doesn’t care.

Neil wants to forget those pictures, wants to claw them out of his mind. He feels like throwing up (very unfortunate for Andrew) but also like getting up and run around the campus until someone finds his passed out form lying near a dumpster (very unfortunate for Wymack). Instead he just stays on the bed, beneath Andrew and wills himself to calm down.

“Walk it off, Josten,” Andrew says. He’s slightly leaning over Neil, his fingers sprawled over his stomach. The warmth of Andrew’s hand sinks through Neil’s thin shirt and helps in calming him.

“You’ll let me?” he asks, peeking from between slightly parted fingers first at Andrew, then out of the black window. Andrew pretends to think about it, then says, “No.”

Finally, Neil relaxes against the soft mattress beneath him, takes one deep breath, then a second, and he’s convinced himself he’s fine.

Andrew tugs at one of his elbows, demanding Neil gets his hands off his face. “Talk to me, Josten.”

“I’m fi—,” Neil starts, but Andrew slaps his hand against Neil’s mouth, silencing him.

“Say it and I will kick you in your face,” Andrew threatens. Neil considers it for a split second (it will knock him out immediately minus the unpleasant dreams) but Andrew squints at him, daring him to make the wrong decision, so eventually, Neil nods. Andrew doesn’t withdraw his hand immediately, so Neil (because he’s stupid like that) pushes his tongue out and licks over Andrew’s open palm. He doesn’t really know what he expects, it’s not like Andrew would squeal like a high school girl. But what Andrews does is leisurely taking his hand back, saying “You’re disgusting” (as if Neil’s tongue hasn’t been on other body parts of him already) and wipe the saliva off on Neil’s shirt, which was only fair.

A groan escapes Neil’s lips—he’s become so bad at conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know, he’s sure his mom is currently sitting somewhere above him, chipping at pegs with Neil’s name on them, only to be reminded he doesn’t need to pretend he’s fine anymore—and he wants a smoke, but he also doesn’t want to get up because that would mean Andrew has to get off of him, and Neil’s just as addicted to Andrew’s weight on him as he is to nicotine. In the end, he decides to stay like this, his finger sneak towards Andrew’s bare, bent knees, but he doesn’t touch, not without Andrew’s permission. Either Andrew doesn’t notice Neil’s fingers in close proximity or he ignores them, because he says, “It’s getting worse, right?”

It’s not a question. It wasn’t a secret that lately Neil’s sleep was the opposite of resting and calm, but with like everything, he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it and he manages through the day thanks to Matt and Nicky providing him with coffee (at some days, Aaron even joins them, but Neil suspects it’s because he’s trying to poison Neil with caffeine).

“I’ll live,” Neil responds because he doesn’t know what else to say, and he hates to admit Andrew’s right.

Andrew shifts his weight more on Neil’s stomach. “You don’t trust me?”

“I do,” Neil immediately replies, missing how this is connected to Andrew’s statement.

“Your subconsciousness doesn’t.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Don’t go Freud on me.” He gets it now, but he won’t give Andrew the chance to think this is something he can protect Neil from. “It’ll be over, just give me some time.” It’s a luxury, saying give me some time and knowing it’s true; he actually has time now because he has a future.

Andrew considers him for a moment, then falls beside Neil and does the unthinkable: He curls into Neil’s side and closes his eyes.

Neil’s breath catches in his throat. He feels stupid again, and asks, “You’ll stay, right?”

Andrew ignores him, tugs his hand between cheek and pillow for more comfort (Neil doesn’t understand how bones are more comfortable, but maybe just as Neil slumping his shoulders to appear invisible is a habit for him, Andrew’s still used to trying to make sleeping more comfortable with the little he has on him), and then he kicks Neil’s leg and it takes a second for Neil to realize Andrew’s actually sliding his leg between Neil’s.

Neil exhales slowly and says, “Okay”, and then just for good measure he repeats, “Okay”, because he feels that Thank You would ruin the moment and he really wants for Andrew’s leg to stay where it is.

He knows his nightmares won’t just disappear, but just like them, Andrew won’t go away as well and knowing that makes falling asleep in the darkness a lot easier.

#philliamwrites #ao3 #fanfiction #aftg #all for the game #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten

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partnersatfazbear · 3 years ago

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Fazbear Frights Analysis: Friendly Face / #10

I was at my in laws last few days and shopping for decorations with my bff yesterday so I had time to read the Friendly Face book. I'm a few pages into the final story so havent gotten to the epilogue yet. Its fairly more pages than normal so suprised I havent stumbled on spoilers yet.

The first story was okay but stupid ending (I think it could work if it was set up better ie making the Friendly Face seem like it wanted revenge rather than playing--and yes this was kind of creative but didn’t really feel satisfying as an ending.) and the second story was very Goosebumps like ( Seabonnies are assholes but also kinda adorable. Seabonnies are the Sour Patch Kids of the FF universe... ). The third story.. Every character annoys me so far and its a slog. We got some cool animatronics and as I guessed early on it seems like a mini love letter to Kings Carrie. Read my thoughts below, since I had stopped reading before we got to the good stuff.

Nothing really Willry/Helliam relevant lately, unfortunately. Hoping there’s something in the epilogue though. (Now that I read it: Yeah, I think we have a Henry stand in, actually)

More on the book later.

***

So, turns out the last story was the most relevant, at least for me. It gives us more insight into the springlock suits (maybe more specifically the second set of them, not sure). They are described similar to Funtime Freddy in terms of the stomach cavity, but they are springlock suits. There is a switch on the outside that is stated to sometimes fail that converts it from suit to animtronic mode / vise versa. We get a pretty cool description of a character death inside of it--and well, it’s about how you’d imagine it [and pleasantly suprised close to how I remember writing it in my fic]. What’s odd is the springlock suit appears to be immediately “haunted” by the first, then the second girl in the story. I don’t think the number is as relevant as the fact that the souls attatched immediately. I guess Mrs. Carrie-Pig (Rosie Porkchop) may already be infused with remnant? It’s never explained. The springlock suit is also programmed outright. I think this was assumed before, but we get some insight into how it’s done. Also, this furthers my theory regarding Springtrap chasing the voices in FNAF 3. It’s definetly programming. The ones in this story are listed as specifically avoiding adult voices and targeting children’s voices.

Epilogue and theory is under the cut:

The epilogue... you guys, I don’t know where to begin with this. I’m gonna write my initial thoughts here and then scour Freddit for some clarification. The beginning starts with Larson looking into the DNA samples and connecting them to a bunch of incidents, mostly involving a skeletal figure which appears to be Eleanor. Next, we get confirmation that Eleanor took over Renelle at some point. Eleanor goes to the house of “her father”. The description does hold many similarities to the Afton household, specifically a couch with a lamp next to it reminded me a lot of Sister Location, but it’s not enough to really confirm anything (the lamps are different types too). The man is a remnant-specialist named Talbert. I feel like I remember the name being mentioned before. The story specifically points out a photo of him and his partner, Phineas. (This should ring so many bells for anyone in the Willry/Helliam ship..). However, Eleanor as she was or is is NOT Talbert’s daughter, who is shown in a photo and described with: black hair and brown eyes. Most people would probably associate it with Cassidy, but my mind went more to Charlotte. So Talbert seems to be a Henry stand in. He seems shocked to see his dead daughter, yet can believe she’s alive (probably because he’s very experienced with remnant or maybe The Spark). Talbert takes remnant to give to his “daughter”/Eleanor who is disguised as her. We know she can project her appearance with the locket and I guess she does that here. If I wasn’t speed reading too much, it seems the Plushtrap chaser might be there too? Eleanor starts turning into another wierd rabbit-bot-monster thing at the end, too. I’m assuming this thing is related to Pit-Bonnie, but we don’t get many details here. The entire thing also has a long segment of Larson’s “visions” going through all the events of the Fazbear Frights we’ve seen so far and even explaining Blackbird in more detail.

I don’t know what to think about it...

Having checked Freddit: I guess this went over my head, but the most important detail seems to be that Eleanor is harvesting remnant and/or agony to grow stronger and was also behind many of the events in the stories. As in, not just setting them up sort of way, but like... being one of the doctors in Step Closer and having the Plushtrap chaser... and being present somehow in 1280. I think it’s wierd, bordering on dumb, but I’ll roll with it. Also worthy to note, she appears to be bringing all the remnant/agony back to the ballpit. I’m secretly really hoping it’s all an effort to revive William (despite the epilogue that sort of contradicts it, where Eleanor steals agony from AlmagAfton--although I see this as a last ditch kind of move to save it rather than destroying him--it’s clear the Puppet did that, isn’t it?) I even had the thought when they discussed Eleanor specifically having the Plushtrap chaser that it reminded me of the Spring Bonnie plush at the end of FNAF: VR / HW.

Also, since I jumped to the idea that Renelle was Charlotte, I missed a specific detail about curly black hair, which gets reiterated. [TBF, I based my Charlotte off of game-Charlotte, so I depict her with black, not brown hair. I didn’t see the ‘curly’ word specified or missed it] A theory I like and really agree with is Renelle WAS who became Andrew. We all know Andrew is our Cassidy stand in... and what has the fandom been fighting over? The damn gender. If Renelle died and forgot who she was, she could easily reimagine herself as a male spirit aka Andrew. This solves that dilemma. As an extra note, Scott’s voice request for the angry spirit was listed as ‘male or female’.

I think that’s all the important stuff.

#fazbear frights #initial thoughts #friendly face #fnaf theory #fnaf spoilers #spoilers #cassidy #andrew #eleanor #giraffe baby #fnaf theories

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ex-vengeancedemon · 3 years ago

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Averting Disasters and Other Ways to Avoid Your Problems

Chapter 5

Characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Mentions of things that occurred in Angel: The Series season 5.

Main Pairing: Buffy x Spike

Characters: Buffy, Spike, Giles, Willow, Xander, Andrew, Faith, Dawn

Summary: Set in 2008, five years after Spike’s resurrection at Wolfram & Hart. Buffy is living in Cleveland guarding the hellmouth. Spike has left Angel and company and is hiding out in Chicago. The Scoobies are scattered. When something starts going wrong with the slayers around the world, it’s time to get the gang back together.

Masterlist & Chapter 1

Chapter 5

"Buffy. Buffy! Slayer!" Spike yelled as he grabbed the pacing Buffy by the shoulders. "It's alright. You're home. The First is gone. You beat it. Remember?"

"What?" Buffy stared at him wild-eyed with something that almost looked like fear.

Apparently this was exactly the Buffy he remembered. Right down to her timeline.

"Buffy," Spike began slowly, "what's the last thing you remember?"

Buffy shook her head and tore away from him, resuming her pacing. "I- we were preparing to face The First. The plan was to go to the high school tomorrow and finish it. One way or another. I was going to give-"

She began frantically searching her pockets, almost ripping the lining of her already tore-up jeans. "Where is it? I just had it!"

"Where is what?" he asked. "Buffy, please. How about you just sit down on the couch and I'll go fetch some bandages. We'll sort the rest out after."

She shook her head vigorously. "No! I have to find it. Angel said-"

Realization dawned on him. She was talking about the amulet. The one that killed him. The one that brought him back.

Spike took her shaking hands in his own, trying his best to be reassuring, though he felt unsteady himself. "Don't worry about the amulet. I got it. It's over. The First is gone, Buffy. It's really gone. You won."

She looked into his face searchingly. He wasn't certain what she found their, but she stopped shaking.

"How?" she asked.

"I'll explain it all," he replied with no small measure of relief. "Just as soon as we get you patched up. Scout's honor."

Her eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly for an instant, a shadow of doubt crossing over her features. Spike noticed how accentuated those shadows had become. Her face seemed more hollow than he remembered, and dark circles hung under her eyes.

This wasn't how it was suppose to be. She was supposed to be better. She was supposed to be happy. She was... she was suppose to be free.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

She nodded slowly. "I do."

"Good, then sit down."

Spike led her over to the tan couch that reminded him more of burlap than linen. She sat without protest, gazing over at the window without blinking. That might not have been a cause for concern... if the curtains had been open. He was hesitant to leave her alone, even if it was just to go to another room for a moment. Her behavior was nothing short of erratic and unpredictable. For all he knew, she could sprint out the door and be lost in the night in an instant. But that gash looked bad, and he couldn't just leave her covered in blood - her own or otherwise.

He would be quick.

Spike bounded up the stairs, taking pains to appear calm and collected until Buffy was out of sight. Once she was, he hurriedly made his way to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet behind the mirror that - blessedly - showed no reflection. Pill bottles spilled out, falling into the sink, some half empty, some completely empty. Spike wasn't exactly sure what most of them were for. He never really had much need of painkillers himself. Unless you count bourbon. He grabbed a bottle conveniently labeled 'painkiller' and stuffed it in his coat pocket. Continuing his tear through Buffy's bathroom, he found a red first aid kit under the sink. Jackpot.

"You know, you could've just asked me where the first aid kit was instead of totaling the bathroom."

Spike jumped, pulling himself out of the cupboard and hitting his head on the counter's edge. He cursed under his breath and looked up to find Buffy standing in the doorway with her arms crossed.

"You were supposed to wait on the couch," he replied, rubbing the spot on his head that had kissed counter.

"I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

Spike looked pointedly at the gash on her leg and Buffy frowned.

"I don't know where I got that," she said finally. "I don't remember."

Spike stood up slowly with the first aid kit in hand. "It's alright. We'll get this all sorted."

It was all he knew to say.

Whether she was convinced or not, he didn't know, but she let him guide her to her bedroom. Buffy made her way directly to the bed and took a seat at its edge, her eyes downcast. Spike stopped dead at the threshold as if he was barred from entry.

The room was nothing like Buffy's old bedroom in Sunnydale. It reminded him slightly of a military barrack. Sterile, regulation, generic, and empty. The bedspread was a bright white, but it was stained with splotches of crusting blood. On the dresser were two picture frames: one with Buffy and Dawn, and another with a picture of the full Scooby gang. There was nothing else in terms of personalization. Nothing... unless you counted the walls.

All four walls of Buffy's bedroom were covered in newspaper clippings, photographs, and handwritten notes. Everything seemed meticulously organized by case. Mysterious killings. Suspected vampire attacks. Demon sightings. Everything a slayer would need to hunt down and track potential creatures of the night.

It was all wrong. Everything about the room was eerie. It didn't seem like Buffy at all. It wasn't her style.

The slayer stayed seated on the bed, looking down at her hands that were covered in some combination of dirt and blood. Spike ignored the walls for the moment and knelt down next to her.

He snatched a bottle of antiseptic from the kit and began dabbing it on the long gash on the side of Buffy's exposed calf. She winced but otherwise didn't react. Spike worked carefully to remove all dirt and caked-on blood from around the wound. He hoped it wasn't infected, but it might not be the worst idea to get her to a doctor later.

"You said you would explain," Buffy said, breaking the silence. Her monotone voice seemed almost worse than her previous panic. "Start explaining."

Spike didn't answer immediately, choosing instead to focus on cleaning up her wound. Really he just needed a minute to think of something to say.

"Where to start," he said with a humorless laugh. "Well, Willow did it. Activated all the Potentials. You, Faith, and a whole lot of newly made slayers beat back a whole legion of those Turak-Han nasties. It was really something to see." He grinned at her. "You were really somethin', Buff. Ask anyone who was there. The First is gone."

He paused and his grin faded. Now he supposed he owed her the less welcome news, she had to know eventually.

"But Anya didn't make it."

Buffy stiffened and she looked away. There were no tears. No nothing. Just a blank, emotionless expression.

"All the other Scoobies made it out alright," he continued, trying to add a happy note. "Xander, Willow, Giles, Dawn, Faith, they're all alright. Just saw Willow and Xander myself. Right as rain."

Buffy laughed. It was strained and slightly manic, but Spike sensed more relief than anything else.

He looked down. "But to do it, well, Sunnydale is nothing but a bloody hole in the ground. We leveled the hellmouth. It's gone. Permanently."

Buffy stared at him like he had started speaking Latin. "Gone? How?"

He chuckled ruefully. "Well that nifty little bauble of yours came in handy after all."

Spike finished cleaning the wound and began wrapping it with a layer of gauze and medical tape. When he was finished, he began wiping off her hands with the antiseptic before he realized that the blood wasn't her own. She stopped him and for a moment he just marveled at being able to hold her hand. Then he was hit with the sudden realization that he hadn't redeemed himself in her eyes yet, not according to her memory.

"Can you give me a moment?" she asked. "Just- wait downstairs. I'll be right there."

She seemed rational. Calm. So he just nodded and did as she asked.

***

After Spike left her, Buffy let out an unsteady breath as her hands began shaking again. Tears welled up in her eyes and she put her head in her hands. She didn't want to see the walls. Covered in those unfamiliar clippings, traced over with someone else's handwriting.

Sunnydale was gone. Anya was dead. She was a complete mess with no idea what was going on. And Spike was looking at her like she was some sort of ghost, some miraculous apparition. It reminded her of when he had first seen her after she clawed her way out of her grave. Maybe she had died in that battle with The First. Maybe Spike just didn't want to tell her they had snatched her from death's jaws yet again. She couldn't remember a heaven this time. She couldn't remember anything.

She shot up from her bed and almost ran out of the room, heading directly to the bathroom. When she got there, she threw the handle of the sink onto its hottest setting and scrubbed at her hands until they were bright red and not a speck of the blood or dirt remained. Moving on to her face, she washed off more grime with a soapy washcloth until she was satisfied. If she could just wash off the blood, she'd be good as new. The woman who looked back at her in the mirror looked paler than normal, with slightly bloodshot eyes. She frowned. Guess leading a bunch of Potentials into battle will do that to a person. Then she froze. No. That was over. Whatever the reason for her sorry state, it had nothing to do with The First.

She fixed her hair back in a hasty braid and returned to the bedroom, grabbing the first outfit she could get her hands on. She took the new clothes back to the bathroom, shutting the bedroom door behind her. If she never saw those walls again, it would be too soon.

She changed into what she realized must be some of her patrolling attire: all black pants and a long-sleeve shirt. It wasn't the most stylish ensemble, but it would do. She guessed this Buffy didn't have as good of a fashion sense. Oh god, I'm turning into a creepy hermit who only comes out at night, aren't I?

And from the looks of the house, it seemed she was the sole occupant. No Dawn. No boyfriend. No girlfriend. No roommate. No pet. And when all the current madness got figured out, she made a mental note to do something about the décor.

***

Spike roamed around downstairs where nothing seemed amiss besides the mud. It was a bit odd how all the doors were unlocked, but other than that there didn't seem to be any pressing cause for concern. There were no messages on the answering machine. The phone line still worked. So why hadn't she been answering her calls? Had she been getting the messages?

He heard the sink turn on upstairs and hadn't heard any windows opening, so he figured the amnesiac patient at least wasn't trying to make a break for it this instant. Tacked up next to the phone was a list showing two columns of names and phone numbers: Willow, Xander, Giles, Faith, Dawn, Andrew, Angel, and others he didn't recognize. He picked up the phone and quickly dialed a number. No time for second guessing.

The phone line rang five times before someone picked up.

"Hey Buffy, what's up?"

"Hey nibblet," Spike replied, keeping his voice low to prevent eavesdroppers. Well, eavesdropper anyway.

There was no response on the other end.

"It's Spike," he continued. "I think you better get yourself over to Cleveland. Now."

"I don't know what kind of sick game this is," Dawn hissed back, "but I'm not playing."

"Call Willow," Spike replied. "She'll catch you up to speed. Tell her you know about the slayers."

With that he hung up.

Ten minutes later, he heard Buffy come down the stairs and she found him staring at the phone. She looked much better than when he had left her. Her hands and face had been cleaned up, her hair was pulled back in a braid, and she had gotten a change of clothes. The wild, bloodstained Buffy he had first seen had been replaced with a more familiar version. She seemed to have shook off most of her earlier fear and panic - outwardly, at least. Always the soldier.

"Alright, so what the hell is going on then?" she asked. "Why can't I remember any of this? Seems like a battle that would be kind of hard to forget."

"We don't know yet."

"We?"

"Willow, Xander, Andrew, and Giles are working on it. It's happening to all the slayers."

Buffy frowned. "Has anyone checked on Faith?"

Spike shook his head. "Not that I know of. No one's been able to reach either of you for days."

Buffy sighed, crossing her arms. "Great. Anything else I should know?"

He pursed his lips as if in thought. "No, I think that about covers it."

"Alright, let's go meet up with everyone then." She made to turn toward the door before pausing. "How long has it been?"

"Not sure I quite followed you there."

"Since Sunnydale."

"Ah. That."

This would be easy. Just tell the slayer that it's been almost six years now since we leveled your old residence, destroying all your high school and college memories forever along with your family home and all your childhood keepsakes. Also I have no idea where your sister is and you haven't seen your old buddies in a couple years. And, oh yeah, I died and came back from the dead six months later and never told you about it.

Instead, he simply settled on, "It's been almost six years. Year's 2008. The U.S. just elected its first black president and they released a truly horrible film about sparklin' vampires."

Buffy's eyes widened, but she masked her shock admirably. "Oh. And so, I've just been, what? Guarding the Cleveland hellmouth?"

"Well, yeah, for some of that time anyway."

"And what have you been-" she started, then seemed to switch tracks. "I mean, where'd you end up? You know, after."

Spike looked down at the floor, making the pebbles scattered around seem like the most interesting thing in the room. "Los Angeles. Ran with Angel and his merry band of do-gooders for a beat."

It wasn't exactly a lie. It wasn't the whole truth either.

"Oh. You ran off to LA," she said tonelessly. "Everyone seems to love it there."

Before he could respond to what sounded almost like an accusation, the front door flew open and slammed open hard enough for the doorknob to leave a hole in the drywall.

"B! We need to talk," Faith said, storming in without invitation and startling the both of them.

The arm of her leather jacket was torn at the seam and barely hanging on and a shallow cut ran across her forehead. Her dark brown hair was matted from the blood. She was similarly disheveled as Buffy had been earlier. Seemed to be going around.

She froze when she caught sight of Spike. He guessed the jig was up.

Faith pulled a stake out of her boot and lunged at him. "What the hell are you?" she growled, as he jumped back from her parry.

"Faith, stop!" Buffy ordered, grabbing her arm before she could attempt another blow. "What are you doing?!"

Faith ripped her arm away and raised up a hand at Spike. "Buffy, that's not Spike! I don't know what the hell it is, but Spike died in Sunnydale. There's no way anyone survived that!"

#btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs fanfiction #buffy the vampire slayer fanfiction #spuffy fanfiction #spuffy #spike x buffy #spike btvs #buffy summers #averting disasters and other ways to avoid your problems #chapter 5

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inawickedlittletown · 4 years ago

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I’m With You (22/22)

Summary:

Having a crush was nothing to be ashamed of…lying to the family and friends of said crush about being the guy’s boyfriend, that was a whole other problem. When Buck saves the life of Andrew Diaz and accidentally makes a nurse think that he’s Andrew’s boyfriend, Buck soon finds himself lying to Andrew’s firefighter friends/coworkers as well as Andrew’s family including Andrew’s very suspicious and attractive brother, Eddie.

Based on the 1995 movie While You Were Sleeping.

Words: 4,916

Notes: And we are at the end. Enjoy.

Read on Ao3

Masterpost

Previous Chapter

–

Eddie saw the pictures before he heard about the get together at Chim’s apartment. Karen had posted a few pictures on Instagram and Eddie had just happened to open the app in time to see them. The thing that struck him the most was that Buck looked happy. He was smiling wide standing between Hen and Karen and then in another with his sister. And then in the last picture, it was Buck, Chim, Hen, and Andrew.

So, it was to Andrew that Eddie went first. “How’s Buck?”

“He’s good. Which doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook on talking to him.”

Eddie shrugged him off.

“He really is good, Eddie,” Andrew said.

Hen brought up the dinner later, filling Bobby in on Buck and more specifically that Buck was training to become a firefighter.

“I think that would be good for him,” Bobby said.

Eddie didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected that at all. Buck was going to be a firefighter.

A week later, he watched Maddie enter the station. She was on her own and Eddie was up on one of the trucks doing some maintenance so she didn’t notice him. Eddie got to watch as Hen greeted her, but then it was Chimney that she left with.

“What’s up with that?” he asked Hen later when they were leaving the station.

“Chim said something about Maddie needing a comprehensive movie guide,” Hen said with a shrug.

“Is Buck really okay?” Eddie asked.

Hen gave a slight nod. “He’s doing something he loves and he has his sister back. I think — I think Buck is okay. He’ll be okay even if you never talk through whatever you’re still angry about. But I think the two of you should talk.”

“He should be the one to—”

Hen raised a hand to stop him. “What, to apologize? He sort of did that already. Andrew isn’t even holding it against him, so I don’t get why you are.”

“I’m not holding—”

“You are,” Hen said. “But you shouldn’t.”

He couldn’t make himself call. Or text. And then, when he finally built up the courage to return to Coffee Time to see if he could catch Buck there, Buck wasn’t there. Not the first time he stopped by. Not the second. The third time that he went in and didn’t find Buck, Eddie finally asked the person at the counter.

“Buck doesn’t work here anymore,” Buck’s former co-worker told him which meant that Eddie had to actually call him or text him or show up at his apartment. None of which felt like something he could actually do.

He did need to do something, though, because Buck was a constant thought in his mind. He was past the anger and past all the resentment he’d felt about the guilt that Buck had made him feel and instead he just missed him. He was reminded of Buck constantly. Legolas alone could bring forth memories and then there was everything else. Everyone else who still had a connection to him and saw him if not regularly, at least they did see him.

All of it came to a head when he was over at abuela’s house with Christopher. Andrew was supposed to join them but he was running late so while Christopher was outside with Legolas, Eddie had a moment with his abuela.

“No estás bien,” she said. “Te veo triste, mijo.”

[“You’re not okay.” she said. “I can see you’re sad, kiddo”]

“I’m okay, abuela,” Eddie responded.

“This has to do with Buck, doesn’t it? Ese día en la fiesta de Andrew, todo lo que pasó con Buck. Todavía estás enojado?”

[“...that day at Andrew’s party, everything that happened with Buck. You’re still angry?”]

Maybe there was some lingering anger but it wasn’t even directed at Buck. It was more that Eddie wished things were different and that somehow if Eddie hadn’t gone and lost Buck’s friendship that something more could have been possible. The potential for more between them...it felt like it was lost.

“Eddie, qué estás esperando si lo extrañas tanto? Andrew dice que Buck está bien. Va ser un bombero.”

[“Eddie, what are you waiting for if you miss him so much? Andrew says that Buck is okay. He’s going to be a firefighter.”]

“It’s not just that I miss him,” Eddie said and he took a deep breath. “I think...I think I love him. I think he’s the only person I’ve met since Shannon that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with and even though I like to think that I actually do know him, he lied. He lied to all of us. So how much of what he told me is real? And then there’s...well, who knows how he feels about me.”

Abuela gave him a pointed look but she didn’t get to say anything because Pepa arrived. While Eddie could easily figure out that his abuela wasn’t too bothered by any of what Buck had done, Pepa was different and Eddie just couldn’t tell how she felt mostly because she didn’t ever bring up Buck. And if his name came up, she raised an eyebrow and said nothing more.

“Didn’t know you’d be here, Eddie,” she said. “I just spoke to your mom. She and your dad are coming back next week?”

Eddie nodded. The only part about his parents returning to LA that he liked was that they were going to be staying with Andrew. Like Pepa, his parents had said very little on the whole Buck debacle. Eddie suspected that they’d talked to Andrew about it. Maybe Andrew had put them off on talking to him about Buck. Eddie didn’t mind that too much because if Andrew was pushy, his mother was much worse.

“I think mom thinks she’s going to convince Andrew not to go through with it,” Eddie said.

Pepa chuckled. “I wish her luck. And how are you doing, Edmundo?”

“He’s missing Buck,” Abuela said. “I miss him too.”

“He lied to us,” Pepa said.

“Pepa, no seas asi. Ves a este chico, esta enamorado.”

[“Pepa, don’t be like that. Look at this boy, he’s in love.”]

Eddie just groaned. He felt Pepa’s hand land on his hair, running her fingers through it gently and soothing. “Eddito, if you really feel like that, what are you waiting for?”

“You just said it. He lied to us and I have no idea how he feels or what will—”

Her hand tugged at his hair suddenly and he yelped. “Stop thinking so much. You’ll drive yourself crazy. You just have to talk to him.”

“Right, like that’s easy.” But they were right. He did need to talk to Buck.

Pepa was looking at him still.

“Look, I can’t pretend I’m not still mildly upset about all of this with Buck. But, I also know that he didn’t pretend to be anything different than who he is with us. And I’m sure once I see him again, it’ll be easy to forgive him.”

—

Buck was so busy with his last few weeks of training and how grueling it all was to notice much outside of what it meant to be so close to being done. So, he didn’t realize that Maddie and Chim hung out more than he hung out with either of them. He also failed to open any of his mail or check his phone — mostly because he knew his bills weren’t due for a few weeks yet and everyone that was important in his life knew that he was too busy to do much more than train and sleep and as such would understand when Buck didn’t respond right away.

And then when those final weeks came to an end, came the testing. The written portion and the physical all of it combined to measure all the skills that Buck had learned over the last few months. It felt surreal to have gotten to the end and even more surreal when there were results in front of him and he passed. Top marks. Any station would have him.

“But there is one that has put in a request for you, Buckley,” one of his instructors, Danny, said.

The 118. Buck just didn’t know if that was what he wanted. Andrew was already off of the 118 and as much as Buck loved Chim and Hen, he didn’t know if it would be possible for him to work with Eddie. He also hadn’t seen Bobby yet since everything happened but Bobby had clearly put through the request to get him so he had to be okay with it.

“The 118?” Buck asked.

“You have friends there, Buckley?”

“You could say that,” Buck said. “I just don’t know if going to work with them is a good idea.”

Danny touched Buck’s shoulder. “The people you work with on this job, those people become family. You’ll spend more time with them than you expect and you will know every single one of them better than you’ll know anyone else because it’s that closeness that makes this work. It’s trust that makes it easier for you to do your job. We leave everything behind to do this, to focus on saving lives, but it’s far easier when you’re carrying the burden of this job with those you work with.”

Trust. It came down to that, to how Buck knew that Eddie didn’t trust him.

“I think I have to turn that offer down,” Buck said.

“Think on it, Buckley. You don’t have to decide now. Captain Nash, he’s one of the best. Maybe talk to your friends before you decide. No one will be assigned officially until tomorrow.”

“Right,” Buck said. “Thanks.”

It wouldn’t change for him, he knew. He wouldn’t do that to Eddie, he wouldn’t encroach on his space, push in where he wasn’t wanted even if it would disappoint Hen and Chim and maybe even Bobby.

Somehow, it wasn’t Maddie that he called to talk about it, though, but Andrew. And Andrew agreed to meet him for coffee at Coffee Time.

Ali was there when Buck arrived. Buck joined the line while he waited for Andrew. He had almost made it to the front of the line when Andrew entered and Buck felt a little like he’d gone back in time. Andrew pushed the door open and he was just as handsome as ever as he walked in. Buck couldn’t help but smile, remembering when he’d been behind that counter admiring this man.

“Buck!” he said as he approached and he pulled Buck into a tight hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Great, even.”

“Wait, wasn’t today...wait, are you a probie officially?” Andrew asked.

“That I am,” Buck said and he couldn’t help but smile to himself. “And it seems like Bobby is trying to pull some strings to have me join the 118. That’s, um, that’s why I asked you to meet me.”

“Yeah, I know,” Andrew said. “I spoke to him about it and we all felt you’d fit in perfectly in my spot.”

Buck took a breath, but they had reached the counter at that point and Ali was there with both of their coffee orders ready and a plate with danishes. Andrew picked up his cup and the plate and motioned towards one of the empty tables.

“So, you two together officially, now?” Ali asked.

“What? No. Andrew isn’t into men. But we’re friends now.”

“Well, he’s still really nice to look at,” Ali said complete with an eyebrow wiggle. “Think there’s a chance he could—”

Buck rolled his eyes. He put a bill down in front of her and grabbed his coffee.

“I’m just saying, Buck, you could put in a good word for me.”

Buck laughed. Andrew was waiting for him at a table.

“You don’t want to join the 118,” Andrew said after Buck sat down.

“I — I don’t know, Andrew. I mean I love Hen and Chim and Bobby and I liked everyone else from the station well enough but there’s Eddie to consider too. I doubt he’d be happy to have me around.”

Buck averted his gaze, staring at his coffee instead.

Andrew chuckled. “You haven’t spoken to him? I thought — Eddie said he was going to talk to you weeks ago.”

“I haven’t spoken to him,” Buck said and he hated how a burst of hope ran through him. He glanced back up at Andrew. “I’ve been...I’ve been busy, though. Is he, is he mad at me about it, still?”

“I don’t think he is,” Andrew said. “If he ever really was. Look, Buck, my brother is stubborn. We both know that. He needed time. Maybe less than he got if we’re honest, but he did...and more importantly, you needed time. And look at you, look at what you’ve done. What you are. You did all of this on your own and you needed to.”

Buck didn’t know how to respond. He took a gulp of his coffee. It was hot, maybe a bit too hot, but the slight burn on his tongue felt good.

“You should talk to him,” Andrew said. “If you want. Or you should join the 118. Or you can go somewhere else and be whoever and whatever you want to be. All, I’m saying, is that this is all up to you, Buck. You made a choice to save my life and maybe you got something out of that too—”

“By lying,” Buck said, interrupting. “By pretending that I was someone to you and by continuing that charade even when I...when I knew it was going to blow up in my face.”

Andrew’s fingers were cold when they touched Buck’s hand, taking it into a tight grip. “You did something stupid, but not malicious. And you’re better for it. I know my family, I know the effect that they have on people and I’m not just talking about Pepa and abuela and my parents, but everyone. And you needed them. You needed their kindness and their acceptance and it’s entirely possible that we all needed someone like you. Even, Eddie. Maybe especially Eddie.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Just answer one thing for me,” Andrew said and he was smirking, full teeth. There was mischief there which meant that Buck couldn’t help but worry.

“What?” Buck asked.

“Do you love him? Eddie, that is?”

Buck’s hand fell away from Andrew’s. And he knew the answer. He absolutely knew the answer which didn’t make it easy to admit.

“You do,” Andrew said. “That’s why this is so hard. Go talk to Eddie.”

“Right now?” Buck asked.

“Why keep waiting?”

“Because I have no idea how to do this,” Buck said.

“Tell the truth. That always helps,” Andrew said and then he pulled out a pen from somewhere and wrote down Eddie’s address. “Go.”

“But—”

“Go,” Andrew said, even more insistent.

Buck looked at Andrew for a beat longer and then glanced back at Ali. “You know, my former co-worker over there wanted me to put in a good word.”

Andrew laughed, loud and surprised.

“Of course, I should also add that the first time I stepped into your house there was a bra hanging off of a lamp so I don’t know if I should actually encourage that.”

“Buck, stop getting distracted and go,” Andrew said pointedly.

—

Eddie’s yard was not as big as Andrew’s, but it was enclosed and it meant that Legolas had somewhere to run around with Christopher. Eddie did sometimes take him over to Andrew’s place so he could have a bit more space or over to his abuela’s house. On a few occasions, Eddie had even taken Legolas and Christopher to the dog park, but Eddie always worried about the other dogs getting too close to Christopher. Although, as it turned out, Legolas could be pretty protective of him.

Christopher and Legolas were both out in the yard and Eddie had been keeping his eyes out on them through the kitchen window while he made him and Christopher sandwiches. Christopher was sitting on the grass and petting the dog which meant that Eddie felt okay with leaving them to it for a moment and going to the bathroom. He had barely closed the door before he heard Christopher shouting and some barking.

“Legolas! Legolas, come back!”

Eddie ran out. Christopher was standing with only one of his crutches. Legolas was gone. Eddie didn’t see him anywhere. He rushed towards Christopher, who reached for him.

“Hey, what happened?” Eddie said as he picked him up. “Are you okay?”

“He ran,” Christopher said. “Like when the earthquake happened. Dad, do you think this is another earthquake?”

It was a real possibility. Eddie was aware that animals acted strange whenever things like earthquakes happened.

“I don’t know, Chris,” Eddie said and yet the dog was nowhere to be found. “I’m sure he’s around here somewhere. He can’t get out of the yard.”

At least, Eddie was sure that he couldn’t. In the time that they’d had Legolas, he hadn’t once tried to get out of the yard. Eddie bent to pick up Christopher’s fallen crutch just as he heard barking, but it was definitely not coming from anywhere in the yard.

“Daddy, I hear him,” Christopher said.

It sounded like he was somewhere in the front of the house. So maybe he did have a way to get out of the yard or the door hadn’t been latched properly.

Eddie set Christopher down and headed to the door leading out of the yard to the front of the house. He heard Christopher following behind him. Eddie stopped short just as he was rounding the house because Legolas was there wiggling excitedly, his tail wagging to and fro as he jumped around and his whole body shook with excitement. Buck was on the ground doing some mixture of petting and hugging Legolas while the dog licked his face.

“Buck,” Eddie whispered, so low that Buck definitely didn’t hear it.

Then, Christopher arrived and he didn’t pause like Eddie did. And he yelled, “Buck!”

Buck glanced at them, then, and he smiled that blinding smile that made Eddie suddenly remember how attracted he was to this man. Buck was there in front of them. He was smiling. He was at Eddie’s house, hugging Eddie’s dog and in the next moment hugging Christopher and laughing. Eddie could only watch.

“Hi,” Buck said and he had Christopher up in his arms. Legolas walked alongside him. Christopher was speaking too, explaining something or other to Buck, but Eddie couldn’t be bothered to pay him any attention because Buck was right there looking at Eddie with those sea-like eyes.

“Hi,” Eddie said back after a long beat. “You should come inside.”

Buck nodded.

Eddie wanted to touch him. He wanted to grasp his hand or his elbow or his shoulder. He wanted to get close enough so that he could smell Buck’s aftershave. He wanted to pull him into his arms and hold onto him tightly. All of those things, he wanted them so that he could be sure that it really was Buck in front of him and he wasn’t experiencing some wild hallucination.

The elusive man that he’d been trying to get ahold of for the last few weeks with no results was there with him and his son and his dog. Eddie had been almost convinced that Buck was avoiding him for all that his attempts to find him were futile. Eddie had even gone as far as to get Maddie’s number off of Chim only for Maddie to tell him to call Buck or show up at Buck’s apartment. Eddie had attempted both a few times on top of texting him and somehow just couldn’t get a response.

Eddie led Buck inside the house through the front door. Buck only set Christopher down once they were inside and Legolas seemed to want to stick as close to Buck as possible. Eddie didn’t blame him.

“I was — I’m making sandwiches,” Eddie said. It felt awkward. “Do you—” Eddie cleared his throat. “—do you want to join us?”

“Uh. Sure,” Buck said.

Christopher led Buck to the table and Eddie left them to go into the kitchen where he tried not to freak out too much as he pulled out more bread for the third sandwich he was going to be making. He could hear Buck and Christopher talking. Christopher laughed and Buck chuckled a few times. Once, Legolas barked.

Eddie could only take so long making the sandwiches before he had to take them out of the kitchen. There was a lot to talk about. Apologies to be made. Explanations. But Christopher was there and they couldn’t discuss any of that while Christopher was with them. But, Buck was there. Buck was with them. It was enough to know that Buck had come to them.

—

Buck had intended to take his time walking up to Eddie’s house, to talk himself into knocking on the door and to maybe not get in his head so much that he couldn’t actually knock. But then, he heard a bark and suddenly golden fur was running at him and Legolas was jumping at him until Buck just dropped to the ground to pet his favorite dog.

“I’ve missed you so much, boy,” Buck whispered into his fur. “Did you miss me too?” Legolas nudged him and pressed into his space, his whole body moving with all the excitement.

He was so distracted by Legolas, that Buck didn’t even realize Eddie had come out to find the dog until Christopher was calling his name.

The next thing he knew, he was hugging Christopher and in a strange sort of daze, he followed Eddie into the house and Eddie disappeared into the kitchen and Buck didn’t know if he could stomach anything Eddie brought out. Christopher was a good distraction. The boy filled him in on a few things. He told Buck about a new coloring book and about Legolas being his dog and about a cartoon he was watching and Buck lost himself to talking to Christopher for a while until Eddie came back.

Tension hung in the air between them and Buck had expected nothing less. Eddie had welcomed him in, though, and he hadn’t asked Buck to leave. It made Buck think that he’d made the right decision in going to see him.

He tried to eat, but couldn’t stomach it. His stomach had been taken up by his nerves and maybe in part by the hope he felt and the awe of having Eddie in front of him again. Eddie looked good. He always looked good.

After he finished eating, Christopher allowed himself to be distracted and settled in front of the tv, Legolas sitting next to him. Eddie motioned for Buck to go to the kitchen.

“I’m officially a firefighter,” Buck said for lack of something else to say.

“Oh,” Eddie said. “Congrats. I had no idea.”

Buck nodded. “I, um, I probably would have never thought of going for it without everything that happened.”

“You’re welcome, I guess,” Eddie said with a snap in his tone.

“I’m sorry,” Buck said. “I hope you believe me this time. That I never meant to hurt you. Any of you. I came so close to telling you so many times. Something always stopped me — interruptions or my own head. And I should have let it go on for so long or at all, but I’m going to be honest here, Eddie, and just say that I don’t actually regret it. I don’t regret the lie or getting to know you — everyone. I don’t regret any of that. I couldn’t.”

“You don’t regret it,” Eddie said in a whisper.

Eddie crossed his arms and he leaned back against his counter and Buck had no idea what to expect, but the one thing he did know to do was to wait and see what Eddie might say. It helped that Eddie didn’t look angry. Mostly, he just looked like he was trying to figure out what to say.

“At first I thought...I wished you’d never done it,” Eddie said after a beat. “More and more lately, I’ve realized I don’t wish that. I was...I am angry more at myself for not questioning you more and for not realizing sooner that you couldn’t have been with Andrew. I was doubting my own knowledge of my brother...I was doubting everything I was seeing and I think I let so much just go because I wanted you around even if you were my brother’s boyfriend.”

Buck had definitely not expected that. Eddie was frowning in that cute way with lines on his forehead so prominent that Buck wanted to reach over and ease the tension. Really, he could do with touching Eddie in any way or form. He really did love him. Earlier, when he answered Andrew, Buck hadn’t fully known it. But he did. Having Eddie in front of him, it cemented it.

“You came really close to the truth,” Buck said. “A few times. The day Andrew woke up, I was gonna tell you. I was so ready to and then Chim was telling us he was awake and I was so sure that it was all over anyway.”

Eddie gasped and he blushed, not quite looking at Buck. “I was so mad that day. Jealous. I was going to kiss you before Chim interrupted.”

“Oh,” Buck said.

Eddie’s eyes met his then and Buck had to swallow before he made the decision to be brave. Buck had been different once, the kind of person that was bold and didn’t hesitate to encroach in someone’s space. That was before Abby and before he realized that all the loneliness he was feeling wouldn’t go away if he had someone warming his bed. In some ways, that had made it worse.

“Uh, you should — you should kiss me now,” Buck said, moving even closer.

Eddie’s eyes widened and darkened all at once and Buck lost himself in them as Eddie closed the small bit of space between them. Buck watched him and when Eddie didn’t do anything other than to stand so close to him that he could feel his warmth, Buck reached up to cup his face. Eddie melted into his touch, his lips let out a gasp. Buck closed his eyes and he leaned into Eddie’s space.

“I love you,” he whispered before he kissed him.

Their first kiss had been hard and urgent and Eddie had been in control, his anger and his jealousy and everything else he’d been feeling because of Buck’s lies had been everpressent in the way that he’d wanted to show Buck how much he wanted him. This kiss was not that.

This kiss was tentative and soft and slow. It was an apology and a declaration of love. When Eddie whispered a moan, Buck smiled against his lips.

“I love you,” Buck said again, their lips brushing lightly as he spoke. He opened his eyes and Eddie was already looking at him. “Eddie?”

Eddie pressed their lips together into another kiss. His arms brought Buck flush against him and Buck couldn’t think while he could feel all of Eddie against him, his muscles and his toned stomach and how Eddie kissed away from his mouth, nipping at his jawline up to his ear.

“I love you too,” he whispered, his lips brushing Buck’s earlobe. “Even if you are a liar.”

“One lie,” Buck said back. “And one I won’t ever regret.”

Eddie chuckled. “Just as long as you don’t pretend to be anyone else’s boyfriend.”

“Am I yours?” Buck asked, a tinge of nervousness travelled through him.

“I think that’s obvious,” Eddie said. “Otherwise, I don’t know what will happen the next time you save someone, Firefighter Buckley.”

Buck couldn’t help but laugh. “I love you so much, Eddie. Been kinda miserable without you.”

“Serves you right,” Eddie said, but he kissed Buck again, just a peck. “But I love you too.”

“Good,” Buck whispered back, dropping his head onto Eddie’s shoulder and dropping a kiss there.

There were probably still a few things to clear up and more to catch up on, but all of that could come later. It made up the mere details in everything they’d been through. In the meanwhile, Buck just held onto Eddie and Eddie held onto him.

“You know, we do have to thank Andrew for all of this,” Buck whispered.

“Nope,” Eddie said. “He doesn’t get any satisfaction out of any of this.”

—

“Welcome to the 118, Firefighter Buckley,” Bobby said, smiling at Buck.

Eddie didn’t try to hide his own smile, Andrew noted and Buck was definitely grinning from ear to ear. He was already in uniform and there was an ease to the way that he walked and how Andrew could tell even from where he was standing that Buck felt like he was at home. Hen nudged him from where she stood next to him and Andrew glanced at her.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad this all worked out,” she said, “but I don’t even get when that all happened with Buck and Eddie.”

Andrew chuckled. “You know, I think most of it happened while I was sleeping.”

–

Notes: This fic has been such a joy to write. I just want to thank everyone that’s read this and that has left commens/kudos because that means so much and one of the reasons this fic got finished by keeping me writing even when I began to lose interest in working on this.

I hope this ending was satisfying for all of you and just thank you all so much. Let me know what you all thought. :)

Tagging: @tranquility-or-chaos @diazbuckleysworld @stilesgivesmefeels

#911 fox #911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #buck x eddie #911 fox fic #fic #my fic #I'm With You

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fantastic-bby · 4 years ago

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Books & Poems I love

Hello, I am just dumping my favourite books and poems here because I like them and I want people to read them too bcs they're cool. Disclaimer: I haven't read some of these books in a REALLY long time, so the explanations might be a bit off since this is mostly what I remember from when I had read them. All will be under the cut and I hope someone out there finds these as enjoyable as I do!

Books

1. Huntress by Malinda Lo

Nature is out of balance in the human world. The sun hasn’t shone in years, and crops are failing. Worse yet, strange and hostile creatures have begun to appear. The people’s survival hangs in the balance.

To solve the crisis, the oracle stones are cast, and Kaede and Taisin, two seventeen-year-old girls, are picked to go on a dangerous and unheard-of journey to Tanlili, the city of the Fairy Queen. Taisin is a sage, thrumming with magic, and Kaede is of the earth, without a speck of the otherworldly. And yet the two girls’ destinies are drawn together during the mission. As members of their party succumb to unearthly attacks and fairy tricks, the two come to rely on each other and even begin to fall in love. But the Kingdom needs only one huntress to save it, and what it takes could tear Kaede and Taisin apart forever.

I cannot express how much I adore this book. It's so well-written and the entire book feels like such an adventure to read. I have to warn everyone who will read this that it is quite violent. I also love the WLW inclusion which is carried throughout the story. It's also mentioned in the beginning that Kaede does not want to marry a prince because she could never marry a man. It's filled with lots of romance and it's fantasy because I'm a sucker for fantasy reads.

My sister had bought this book for me after I had lost my first copy and my cat peed on my second copy. The first time, I had bought it from a Big Bad Wolf sale in about 2014. The second, I ordered it through Kinokuniya, but I'm pretty sure you can get it off of Amazon as well.

2. Teardrop by Lauren Kate

Never, ever cry . . .

Seventeen-year-old Eureka won't let anyone close enough to feel her pain. After her mother was killed in a freak accident, the things she used to love hold no meaning. She wants to escape, but one thing holds her back: Ander, the boy who is everywhere she goes, whose turquoise eyes are like the ocean.

And then Eureka uncovers an ancient tale of romance and heartbreak, about a girl who cried an entire continent into the sea. Suddenly her mother's death and Ander's appearance seem connected, and her life takes on dark undercurrents that don't make sense.

Can everything you love be washed away?

This is also a book that I've read multiple times. I've even read the sequel, Waterfall, but I don't think I actually got around to finishing it since I bought it right before my exams. Another love and fantasy novel, it covers a lot of grieving and pain that Eureka goes through after losing her mother and at one point, she actually wishes it was her that had died during the accident.

Her relationship with Ander is quite sudden since he just shows up out of nowhere and just happens to know practically everything about her. I, personally, enjoy this book out of the amount of angst that it's filled with. It's very well-written and I still have the first copy that I bought at the same Big Bad Wolf sale that I had gotten Huntress. I think I had gotten the sequal at Kinokuniya as well (?), but I'm not entirely sure because it's been a really long time.

3. Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

No one knows why Juliette's touch is fatal, but The Reestablishment has plans for her. Plans to use her as a weapon. But Juliette has plans of her own. After a lifetime without freedom, she's finally discovering a strength to fight back for the very first time--and to find a future with the one boy she thought she's lost forever.

Another very angsty book. It centres around Juliette, a girl who, for some reason, kills everyone she touches. It's also written in First POV and in the format of a journal. It feels more personal because some of the lines are striked through to show a thought that Juliette had in the moment of writing that she decided to replace with a different approach instead.

The beginning is basically Juliette being locked away in some sort of a prison because of her 'gift' and she writes to keep herself from going crazy, but then one day some guy is put into the same cell as her. It's another romance novel and also a kind of superhero novel It also gets pretty... ahem... seggsy... at one point, but it's a good read.

I've read the entire series aside from Restore Me. I have it, but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet. Shatter Me is also from the same Big Bad Wolf sale as the other two lol. Juliette is also trapped in a love triangle at one point, but I won't get into it. It also gets a bit violent, but slightly less graphic than Huntress is and is also another 'self-discover' kinda book. (can you see a theme here that I read lol)

4. Winter's End by Jean-Claude Mourlevat

Four teenagers escape from their prison-like boarding schools to take up the fight against the tyrannical government that murdered their parents fifteen years earlier. But only three of the friends make it safely to Jahn's restaurant, the headquarters of a secret resistance movement, where they discover the astonishing power that one voice can have in the fight for freedom.

As the battle rages, the three friends are in a race against time to save their companion, who has been forced to participate in a deadly, ancient game for the amusement of his captors. Will this new generation prevail, or are they destined to meet the same grisly fate as their parents?

This is also extremely angsty. It's also pretty violent as well, so that's a warning for whoever will read this. Once again, well-written, nice flow to the story and I just really like this book. There's a lot of uncovering in the book that makes you go HUH because the four students end up uncovering a lot about their government and the secrets that involve the four of them.

It has a very heavy dark tone to it, which I really enjoy. It's a bit different from the other three which is less fantasy and more of a dystopian book. It's a very heroic, determination feeling that follows the students as they journey throughout the book. Also something that follows the students are a group of dog-men... things... that I'm pretty sure I actually had small nightmares imagining when I had read this in around 2013 or 2014.

Poems

Disclaimer: Half of these were poems I did essays on in high school aside from L. These are my illustrations of it and they're the ones that stood out to me when I had first read them.

1. Daffodils by William Wordsworth

I read this in high school when I was taking English Literature. It's a poem that Wordsworth wrote after his wife had passed away. I love the way it's written and William Wordsworth is one of my favourite poets. It's filled with the feeling of being lost and rediscovering the joys of the small things in life. There's a lot of imagery that refers to the flower, daffodil, and overall, it's just a a very soft themed poem.

I think the reason this poem stood out to me was because I was feeling a bit lost at the time I read it (the end of highschool) and I was desperately trying to find something I could relate to in some way.

2. Winter by Andrew Young

Another one that contains a lot of imagery. It's a poem about the beauty of Winter and how, while it's seen as a dark and gloomy season, it has hidden beauties that you can see if you're able to look past the initial image of it.

This poem in particular, I'm pretty sure I have a soft spot for in my heart mainly because of the soft spot I have for Winter in general.

3. London by William Blake

This is a more dark toned poem. It covers what old London used to be like with the raging poverty at the time. A lot of child labour and sex workers that would struggle with making money when they would accidentally get pregnant.

It's quite a depressing poem that I like because of the dark undertone and I, personally, really enjoy William Blake's works.

4. L by Bernice Chauly

L is a poem about how her daughter had cut her hair right after going to the hairdressers. While Chauly's daughter is crying when she yells at her, Chauly is reminded of when she had done something similar when she had just turned five years old. She thinks back to it and remembers that, at the time, all she wanted was to see her late father.

This is also more heavy set and it makes me think of the way children must feel when they lose their parents at such young ages.

#books #poems #literature #reading material

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awesomelyanxiouspanda · 4 years ago

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Jealousy (Billy Loomis/Reader/Stu Macher)

Repost from my deleted Tumblr!

Some days you really regretted taking a position on the student council; today was one of those days. Being one of the more responsible members, Principal Himbry called on you quite often for help. In fact, you spent so much time at his beck and call that really made you question his motives for having you around sometimes. If it wasn’t the only extracurricular activity on your college applications, you’d just leave the council entirely and tell them to screw off.

You never knew what the principal would ask you to do from day to day. He had you help with planning for holidays and celebrations, tutoring other students, and showing around new transfer students. Today was tutoring.

It usually wasn’t the worst task in the world, especially with the nicer students, but Himbry had specifically requested you do it now- during lunch- instead of letting you do it tomorrow morning as it had been scheduled. Something about Andy now having football practice before the game. So not only did you have to miss lunch, you had to miss the only break during school that you got to spend with your boyfriends. Worse even, you hadn’t gotten to warn them ahead of time. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too upset. Billy and Stu wouldn’t be angry with you over the situation of course, they were too sweet to you for that, but their disappointment was worse than their anger.

“Hey, Y/N,” Andy called, snapping his fingers in front of your eyes.

“Eh? Wha- Oh sorry!” you quickly apologized, cheeks heating in embarrassment, “I must be more tired than I thought.”

He grinned brightly and waved off your apology with a chuckle.

“No big, dude. I get it. Sorry we had to change to today so suddenly. Coach is adamant that we get more practice in before the biggest game of the year,” Andy sighed.

Patting his hand easily, you gave him a warm smile. It wasn’t his fault you guys were stuck here in the library. Hell, he probably wanted to be out with his friends as much as you did.

“No need to apologize. That’s a lot of pressure. I’m sure you guys will do great though,” you assured him, “Let’s get through these last two problems and we’ll be golden. Might even have a few minutes left to snag some food.”

With a grateful smile, he nodded and hunched back over his paper.

“I dunno why I can’t get this shit when Mrs. Pembrook explains it,” he muttered.

“Sometimes you just need the one on one and silence to let things sink in,” you replied.

He really wasn’t dumb, as most people assumed. He was battling ADD and couldn’t focus unless there was someone to constantly redirect him; Not that you were much help in that today.

“So,” he paused with a big sigh then read off, “Carlos has taken an initial dose of a prescription medication. The relationship between the elapsed time in hours since he took his first dose and the amount of medication in milligrams in his blood stream is modeled by the following function”

You watched him closely work out the problem into steps, unable to help but feel a spark of pride and accomplishment as he slowly but surely made his way through the entire equation. When he jotted down the correct answer and looked up at you in questioning, you couldn’t stop a grin from crossing your face.

“Yes! Yes that’s it! You’ve so got this!” you cheered.

His cheeks darkened but there was an obvious glint of happiness in his eyes as he leaned back and pumped his fists.

“Only cause I’ve got the best tutor!” he replied.

“Okay, okay, one more. Let’s do this!” you encouraged him.

Once more he went through the word problem and sorted the equation out, step by step, until the right answer was written below.

“Mr. Andrew, I think my work here is done,” you giggled, reaching out for a well-placed high-five that made you palm ache.

“You’re the best, Y/N. Seriously, I can’t thank you enough. I feel like I might actually pass the final test,” he said sincerely.

You copied his earlier motion and waved off the thanks.

“Can’t wait to hear how you rocked it,” you replied.

“Alright, grub time!”

The two of you started cleaning up the papers and books and were almost finished when a call of your name caught your attention. Your head snapped up and you were greeted to the sight of your boyfriends marching to the table.

“Stu, Billy!”

Without much thought, you launched at them happily, grinning as Stu caught you a few inches from the floor.

“Hey babe,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you wrapped him up in a tight hug.

“What are you two doing in here?” Billy asked coolly.

Looking over, you found his arms crossed and a blank expression across his face. You let out a sigh and wiggled from Stu’s arms to tug Billy into a chaste kiss. Even that couldn’t make his obvious irritation go away.

“Oh hey Loomis, Macher,” Andy commented as he joined your trio before turning to you, “Thanks again, Y/N. See you at the game tomorrow?”

“You know it,” you replied, offering him a fist bump, “Kick some ass in the test tomorrow.”

Before he could touch his hand to yours, you were drawn back into the protective arms of your boys. For a moment you couldn’t figure out why until you felt the tenseness in their bodies. They were… jealous?

“Uh, yeah, anyway,” Andy muttered, “Catch you later, Y/N.”

The awkwardness was thick in the air as Stu sharply added, “Yeah, WE’LL see ya later dude.”

Yup. There was no denying that obvious message. Andy made a silent retreat quickly and you couldn’t blame him. You let out a little sigh and slumped against Billy, grinning despite the situation.

“What the fuck were you doing here with him? We’ve been looking everywhere for you. Thought maybe you were hurt or sick,” Billy grunted as he promptly turned to face you.

Stu mimicked his motions and both stood before you with stern expressions. Ugh, there came the ache of unnecessary guilt.

“I’m sorry. Himbry told me that I had to do our last tutoring session during lunch instead of tomorrow. I got called out of my last class so I didn’t have a chance to see you and tell you,” you explained.

Pouting slightly, you reached up and cupped a jaw in each hand, having to rise on tiptoes slightly to reach Stu.

“There’s no reason to be jealous, you know? He’s a nice guy but he’s got nothing on either of you,” you added, hoping to get through to them.

Finally Stu wilted, a whoosh of air escaping his mouth before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“It’s not like we don’t trust you, babe. It’s the jerkwads we’re worried about,” he muttered.

“He didn’t try anything, did he?” Billy asked shortly.

“What? No, of course n-”

Your remaining words were muffled by his heated kiss. A wave of bliss ran down your being as you leaned into him, soaking up the passionate embrace.

Not to be outdone, Stu swept you hair aside and started kissing along you neck. His teeth found purchase hard in the bare flesh of your exposed shoulder. For a moment, you were panicked the librarian would catch you until you remembered she was out for lunch like the rest of the student body; upon the realization, you let out a soft moan and let the tension out of your body,

“Ah! Oh f-”

Your curse was cut off by a whimper as Billy copied a stinging bite on the other side. Everything seemed to float away, aside from pleasure and pain, as you melted between them. The burning grew almost unbearable and you knees weakened, urging you to give in and pat at them frantically.

With a pop, Stu pulled back first, and then Billy. Breathless and burning up, you swayed on your feet between them. Your shorter lover simply grinned at the faux glare you sent his way.

“What the hell was that for?” you demanded, albeit sounding more dazed than angry.

“Just wanted to remind others to stay away from our girl,” he replied.

He extended his hand and brushed a thumb softly along the freshly bitten flesh and you nearly dropped. Stu thankfully caught you. His giggle made butterflies storm your belly as you relaxed against him.

“I’m gonna get in trouble for these if they bruise,” you commented dryly.

“If anyone here says anything, you tell me and I’ll handle it,” Billy retorted seriously.

Swallowing thickly, you nodded in agreement and stood up to finally regain your footing. You were about to joke about needing a bandage for the wounds when the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. There was a heavy, collective sigh between the three of you immediately.

“Come on, we’ll help you carry your stuff back to your locker,” Stu said, leaving your side to scoop up your books from the table.

“I can easily carry those. You’re just looking for an excuse to be your paranoid, protective selves,” you teased.

“Damn right we are.”

#Billy LoomisXReaderXStu Macher #Jealousy #fluff #kissing #protective boys

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autumnblogs · 4 years ago

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Day 2: Symphony Impossible to Play

Picking up from yesterday, we just met Rose.

https://homestuck.com/story/220

Right out of the gate, here’s something interesting - another one where a character interacts directly with her medium! I wonder whose eyes she feels on her. Are Rose’s Seer powers allowing her to detect us watching her? Later on, it turns out that Kanaya was watching her all along during her intro. Maybe that’s who she senses? I think it’s possibly both of those, and a third option - Rose is a paranoid girl who doesn’t feel very secure in her own home, or comfortable in her own skin.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/223

John does a lot of roleplaying, and this is one of the earliest spots in the comic where he does this. Specifically, John performs a lot of his favorite scenes from different movies, and no surprise to anyone, almost all of the times he does, he’s performing either the role of a lover, or of a father. Malo, who I respect a lot, talks a little about John’s appreciation for signifiers here, along with some of their chums. I was going to say something about other points where John’s inner voice comments on the necessity of signifiers to make a thing itself (OR ELSE IT’S A PRETTY PISS POOR EXCUSE FOR THE THING) yesterday, but I didn’t have the thoughts fully formed at the time. Luckily, Malo will call attention to it for me.

This is another one of those weird things about the way that reality works, and it might all retroactively work that way because John expects it to work that way. Homestuck is full to bursting with symbols - everything in Homestuck is extremely abstracted as part of the art style, and also as part of the storytelling, often rendered down to some basic elements that make it recognizable. An example of something Homestuck uses as a symbol would be like, Mustaches - a symbol associated with Grandpa. Swords, symbols associated with Striders. The symbol doesn’t have to have any kind of literal logical association with the thing it represents, but we associate the two things with each other because of cultural context.

https://homestuck.com/story/225

I always liked Rose’s house best out of the group. There’s something deeply romantic to me about the premise of a wooded retreat far away from civilization. I’m pretty sure the Lalonde residence is based on Falling Water but I could be mistaken. As long as I’m thinking about Symbols, by the way, Cats are a Lalonde Symbol. Their presence in the story always evokes Lalondes even when they’re not in the room (which is not very often, as it turns out!) and by association, witches. Both of the Lalondes are witches in the sense of being powerful women who attain to that power by consorting with dubious and transgressive sources.

Rose is up front and melodramatic about her not so great relationship with her Mom, and it’s pretty much literally always on her mind. (Rose’s Mom is an alcoholic, and I should be clear that her relationship has lots of reasons to be not great, but Mom Lalonde deliberately being spiteful to Rose is not one of the reasons). I like to think there are a lot of these misunderstandings between parents and children and if that we were just a little more open with each other, we’d find that we didn’t have as much to be afraid of in each other as we think. But I might never know. Another one of my favorite series that has the inability of Parents and Children to communicate with each other as a central theme is Hideaki Anno’s Neon Genesis Evangelion and if you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend you go do so.

https://homestuck.com/story/231

The presentation of the Guardians is so unsettling that in my first readthrough, I thought they must be some kind of monsters artificially imposed into these characters’ obviously artificial lives to create difficulty for them. Clearly, I thought the story was going in a completely different direction than it actually ended up going.

https://homestuck.com/story/236

Rose does not always think her cunning plans all the way through, something she has in common with her biological father.

https://homestuck.com/story/271

I probably could have mentioned this funny little guy earlier than I did, but Wayward Vagabond is in the story now. I’m not totally clear on whether the Carapacians have any greater meaning, but they sure are charming, and like just about everything that isn’t specifically John and his friends, they exist on a layer of the story that is just a little further away from just the text, and a little closer to the audience - they can enter narrative prompts, much like you or I would have if we were involved in Homestuck’s earliest pages. As a rule in Homestuck, the more influence you personally have over the narratives which change the material conditions of the characters’ lives, the more sinister and ambiguous you become. Luckily, WV turns out to be a pretty benign guy, but if you’re the sort of person to be reading this, you are no doubt aware of the fact that most of Homestuck’s narrators don’t turn out to be nearly so friendly. The Carapacians introduce us to the idea that characters in the story are allowed to be audience members and narrators too. So I guess, really, that’s the greater meaning of the Carapacians.

https://homestuck.com/story/272

Always enjoy Rose’s long, outlandish metaphors. Any chance to read more of them is a good chance to. (Although the main one on this page is a holdover from some of the cringy stuff in MSPA’s early days - some of it slightly racist, some of it slightly homophobic.)

https://homestuck.com/story/287

Andrew’s insistence on having characters like Dave rap at us, the audience, actually reminds me a lot of JRR Tolkien’s tendency to pepper his stuff with songs that he wrote for his in universe stuff. And while both are legitimately talented at their craft, as one of my friends put it, “I’m not a rapper... so stop rappin’ at me!”

https://homestuck.com/story/293

Jade is another character whose first post I forgot to mention, but here she is having a bit more to say than before! I think I remember my initial impression of Jade being pretty favorable, and then gradually declining until she got a bit more exposition. Perky people bother me.

https://homestuck.com/story/307

Another one of Andrew’s cool prose poems. I don’t mind these as much as the rapping, clearly. Rain and Strings are another pair of symbols pretty strongly associated with Rose, although I hardly need to tell you that. This obviously alludes to Rose’s mythological quest. I think it also foreshadows a lot of her worst decisions. Rose overthinks and overthinks and overthinks, and then by the time she should have acted, it’s too late, and she overreacts instead, usually in catastrophic ways.

https://homestuck.com/story/312

Dave’s room isn’t nearly as messy as Rose’s, but his bed isn’t made, same as every other Derse Dreamer. This is also probably the first place that we get hints of Dave’s fascination with death (he collects dead things). He’s specifically fascinated with his own death, and fantasizing about self-sacrifice, something that he ends up doing twice over the course of the comic, is one of the ways that Dave experiences masculinity. Thanks for that, Bro.

https://homestuck.com/story/320

Dave almost immediately fails to uphold his irony schtick within just seconds of our getting to know him. For all that he pretends to the same extreme aloofness as his brother, I don’t think there’s an insincere bone in Dave’s body. Then again, maybe he’s just getting distracted by food, of which there is a significant dearth in his household. Thanks for that, Bro.

https://homestuck.com/story/326

I will never get back the time I spent reading Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Was it worth it?

Yeah probably.

https://homestuck.com/story/332

I think this is the very first time I’ve noticed that Dave has a nifty gaming computer with the transparent glass pane and the interior lights and everything. Like, this readthrough, this panel. I’m sure I mentioned somewhere that I get more out of this webcomic every time I read it.

https://homestuck.com/story/333

Dave and Rose are another character relationship I just enjoy tremendously. Their verbal sparring is one of the highlights of the webcomic.

https://homestuck.com/story/344

Bro’s puppet fascination tells us pretty early on that this is a hands-off, manipulative kind of guy. While Bro isn’t in a metanarrative layer the way that the Carapacians are, positioning him as a puppetmaster, controlling things from behind the scenes, still gives him the same kind of sinister ambiguity as one of the comic’s actual narrators.

https://homestuck.com/story/357

Far from being the kind of chill cooldude who kills with a straight face and doesn’t look at explosions, Dave kills a random bird and immediately feels remorseful about it. Poor kid.

https://homestuck.com/story/360

There is almost nothing worse than having someone perform interest in something you enjoy to try and influence you. Unfortunately, that is not what is taking place here. Rose is quick to assume malicious intent as she does a bit earlier when she tucks her journals under her bed because she feels like she’s being watched.

https://homestuck.com/story/369

Mom, sadly, giving your daughter oodles of presents and showering everything she does in ostentatious displays of affection is sadly not a substitute for earnest communication with her and your emotional presence. These two need to learn each other’s love languages. (Note to self. Not everybody enjoys lavish presents as much as I do.)

Roxy is a giver. That’s something that shows up time and again, especially when we meet her in person much later.

https://homestuck.com/story/377

Mom Lalonde performs femininity.

https://homestuck.com/story/382

Jade sees right through Dave.

In other notes, I think most of these kids would be way happier if their Guardians were more emotionally available, and less badass.

I’m going to come back to that and write more on it at some point instead of just alluding to it repeatedly. Maybe after Dave Strifes with his bro.

https://homestuck.com/story/389

Is Mom’s compulsive gift-giving because that’s her love language? Is she performing capitalism by giving her daughter extremely expensive gifts as a show of affection? Is it both things? (Roxy is never exposed to Capitalism except by the awesome powers of Dirk’s cached wikipedia archives, and her gift-giving tends to be significantly less ostentatious than Mom’s.)

https://homestuck.com/story/404

John roleplays some more.

https://homestuck.com/story/414

Here’s where I’ll say one of the things that I think is like a big deal, because I guess now’s as good a time as any. A lot of the roleplaying that John does, and the one-upsmanship that he and Dave do with each other, and Dave and Bro do with each other, and Mom’s ironic housewife routine, and the burial of Jasper in a mausoleum are rituals. Like symbols, they’re cultural touchstones that are ultimately empty when they no longer point to the thing that they signify. Funerals are grieving rituals. When a funeral doesn’t functionally serve the purpose of helping with grief, it becomes an empty signifier. Maybe this is how Mom grieved for Jaspers - I’ll have to check and see what Roxy thinks about it when I get that far, because I forgot.

We do a lot of stupid things in a monkey see monkey do fashion because we’ve just always done them that way, even when they were built for a completely different society, and no longer serve the same function that they used to serve. Big ostentatious funerals are like that, I think. Ideally, they’d give big families an opportunity to come together in mutual support, celebrate the joy brought to them by the deceased, demonstrate compassion to the grieving, and so on and so forth. I’m not prescriptively saying “don’t have a funeral” here, my point is just that funerals are one of those cultural narratives that I mentioned in the first post.

This funeral does not serve the function of helping Rose to grieve. It’s just kind of fucked up.

https://homestuck.com/story/415

Oh hey, Rose has more fish language attached to her - she earlier makes reference to her knitting-needle tech by saying that she thinks she could probably filet a fish with them. Here, she talks about having bigger fish to fry. Rose is associated with Water through her planet, the Land of Light and Rain, and with fish through Cetus. She’s also attached to other deep sea creatures in the form of the horrorterrors.

https://homestuck.com/story/420

I’m going to pause for now and post this since I’ve read through another roughly 200 pages of Homestuck this evening on the fortuitous page of 420. It probably helps that I started earlier than I did yesterday. Nanna’s about to give some exposition, and I already wrote my big brain take for the day so for now;

Cam signing off, alive and not alone.

#homestuck #neon genesis evangelion #symbols #commentary #liveblogging

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rocksandrobots · 5 years ago

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Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 26 - Temper

Varian grumbled under his breath as he fiddled with a bunch of wires. He was sitting in his lab at school, trying to get the portal to turn on. The machine had decided not to work at all since his misadventure in the desert.

"Grrr...ow!"

His irritated growl turned to a yelp of pain as he shocked himself. This only drew more curses and angry groans.

He wasn't having a good day.

Heck he wasn't even having a good week. Everything had seemed to go wrong for him ever since he and Hiro had their run in with Momasake on Saturday.

First off, he had just gotten back from his second therapy session this morning and, while it went smoother than the first one had, it still had put him out of sorts for the rest of the day.

Dr. Brown's more reserved and quiet manner suited Varian much better than Dr. Mcguire's cherry earnesty, and he made sure not to delve too much into his past like he had last time. However it still made him feel self conscious to sit on a couch and talk to some stranger about what's bothering him.

He couldn't shake the feeling that he was being analyzed. Much like the way he would dissect a compound to figure out its chemical makeup, so too did the older gentleman study him; peering over his reading glasses, jotting notes down on his yellow notepad, and every so often, stroking his salt and pepper beard in thought.

They talked mostly about the nightmares Varian had been having and ways to mitigate them; habits he could try to form, like going to bed at a regular time everyday or meditation exercises similar to the ones Andrew and the rest of the Saporians would partake in. Varian wasn't sure how much he'd be able to keep up such practices and he kind of doubted that they would help anyways.

And then there was the discussion on medication, which Varian really wasn't thrilled about. Dr. Brown wanted to put him on a small dosage of some sort of 'mood-stabilizing' medicine as he had called it; which only sent alarm bells off in Varian's brain. The doctor was patient enough to walk Varian through what the drug was made of, how it worked, and to reassure him that it was only temporary.

"As a scientist yourself, you must know the importance of experimentation. You won't know if the medicine will help or not until you've tried it for awhile. That is why I'm starting you off on such a low dosage to test it out first." Dr. Brown encouraged.

Varian understood. He understood far better than either the doctor or anyone else would ever know. The brain ran on chemicals, and chemical potions could very much alter behavior and mood if ingested. The right or wrong chemicals could make ones whole personality change or compel them to do things they didn't want to…. Like tell the truth for instance. Yes, he knew that better than anyone, and it was precisely why he was so uncomfortable with idea.

But still, Varian had reluctantly agreed to give it a try anyways. If nothing else than to avoid a long drawn out argument or a lecture from someone. Though doing so had only increased his anxiety.

The second thing that had upped his discomfort was that Aunt Cass had discovered his firework display yesterday.

Instead of being impressed like he had hoped, she had rounded on him for daring to build what she referred to as a "fire safety hazard." She then called Officer Cruz to come and confiscate his stash of firecrackers and gunpowder.

Apparently one wasn't legally allowed to build explosives in one's home, even if you didn't intend any harm with them. He then had to endure two separate lectures from both of them on safety regulations.

Oh, how he hated lectures.

He just about had his fill of them these past three weeks.

He also just about had his fill of Hiro and his 'holier than thou' act. The other boy hadn't brought up the incident with Momosake's knife again, but Varian could sense tension between them anyways.

Varian didn't know if Hiro suspected the truth of what happened inside the vent or not, but the other boy had kept his distance from Varian for the past couple of days anyways. Keeping their conversations short and going quiet whenever he spotted Varian walk into the room.

Despite this, Varian didn't regret his actions at all from that night. He was only protecting his friends after all and it's not like he harmed anyone else other than their attacker.

He couldn't wrap his head around Hiro's concern for a person who actively threatened both him and people he cared about. Being noble and compassionate was one thing; going out of your way to help someone who only wants to hurt you was another.

But that's what made the two of them different, Varian guessed. It was easy being a hero when you've never had to defend yourself from seamingly the entire world; to fight just to survive.

Ever since his arrest and subsequently moving in with the Hamadas, Varian had only been reminded just how much he didn't belong there; of how much he didn't really fit in. As nice as his friends and Aunt Cass were, they really had no understanding of what he'd been through and he still felt alien to this world and to their beliefs. The run in with Momosake only served to heighten his feeling of inadequacy, as if he somehow fell short of the imaginary standards that everyone else seemingly already knew but he somehow didn't.

He kicked the device in aggravation. No, he wasn't having a good time at all and the sooner he could get back to his father then the better.

He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair as he tried to calm his runaway thoughts. Then he turned back to the console and readied to turn the portal back on, having finished his tweeks to the wiring.

He saw the giant metal ring spark to life as the turbines hummed with power, slowly the blue energy that indicate that the portal was working made its way towards the center, then it crackled, fizzled, and died out as the portal shut itself down.

Varian growled in anger and went to double check the wires again. Nothing off there. He checked the computer. Also okay there. He even tripled checked the turbine, before trying again.

Nothing.

Varian had had it.

He gave a wordless scream of frustration before knocking his scientific instruments off his desk with a push. He kicked the portal repeatedly and threw anything he could find towards the devious device; yelling curses and venting his rage in angry grunts.

It was petulant perhaps, but Varian didn't care anymore. He was tired. Tired of failing and tired of not being the golden boy like Hiro was. Hiro never got lectures. Hiro never made stuff explode, or flood the whole school, or get trapped in a desert. Hiro never gave in to his darker side. Heck, Varian wasn't even sure he had a darker side.

If the stories were to be believe than Tadashi had been Mr. Perfect and Hiro had followed in his footsteps of being the selfless brave hero. They all had. They were all just so, good and perfect and wonderful, and he..he was broken and he knew it. And the longer he stayed, the more at risk he was of having everyone find out just how broken he truly was.

His angry yells turned to sobs. He didn't know to do with himself anymore. He turned around looking for more things to throw and was greeted by the sight of Honey Lemon and Fred standing in the doorway.

He stopped what he was doing and stood stock still. His face turned beet red and his breath hitched. They were looking on with both shock and alarm and to Varian's horror he realized that had saw everything.

He couldn't stop from bursting into fresh tears as he knew that his friends had gotten yet another look at the cracks in his happy, innocent facade. He crumpled in on himself, plumping down on the ground and hugging his knees to his chest, and then he buried his face in his arms to hide his shame.

"What should we do? Should we get Baymax?" He heard Fred say in a hushed and hurried whispered.

"No, he's with Hiro at his internship, remember?" Honey Lemon whispered back.

"Oh, should we call Gogo then or Wasabi?" Fred suggested instead.

"Umm..I think they're both in class...we're just going to have to help instead." Came Honey Lemon's nervous reply.

"Okay…......how?"

Honey Lemon didn't seem to have an answer for that question and Varian only hugged himself tighter as he feared what their response might be; another lecture, more prying questions into his past, or would they just leave altogether and refuse to have anything to do with him? This last option really scared him and brought more unbidden sobs.

He heard footsteps come closer and felt a gentle hand tentivently touch his shoulder.

"V..Varian?" He heard Honey Lemon ask. She sounded scared. He'd had scared her! Of course he had. Everyone was afraid of him back in Corona. Why should here be any different? He wasn't a hero like his friends, he was the villain and, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, it was what he'd always be.

"Why are you still here?" He sobbed, still not looking up to face them.

"I..I'm sorry. Do, do want us to leave?"

He heard Honey Lemon stammer out this apology and he finally looked up at her in surprise. He searched her eyes in confusion as she continued to apologetically ramble.

"We can go… if you want.. If you think that's best..or..we can stay too. It's up to you..we just want to help.."

Varian cut her off, "No, no, that's not what I meant. I...I just don't why you'd want to stick around...not after...not after.."

He broken down in tears again and he saw Honey Lemon and Fred exchange worried glances.

"We're just worried about you, dude." Fred explained. Honey Lemon nodded in agreement and offered an encouraging smile.

Varian eyed them both warily. "You don't have to be so nice about it. You just saw me wrecking my own lab. I don't want you to feel like your obligated to still hang around just to try and make me feel better."

"Well..if either of us was upset you'd try and help us right? That's just what friends do." Honey Lemon said.

"Oh but, that... that's different. You don't ever get mad."

Honey Lemon pouted, "I...get mad. I just... don't always know how to show it."

She sighed and slumped down next to him, leaning against the wall. "I guess that's not always healthy though."

"Neither is losing you temper and busting up the place." Varian bitterly added. He surveyed the mess around the room. He'd have a lot to clean up once this was over with.

"Weeelll, throwing things isn't...good," she agreed,"but it's okay to be angry if something is bothering you." She reached out and slipped her arms around the crook of his elbow. She then nuzzled her head upon his shoulder while she hugged his arm. "We just need to help you find a better way to express yourself." She cheerfully added, as if this was the easiest and most obvious thing in the world to do.

"Whenever I get in a bad mood, I just give Mole a prank call and that usually makes me feel better." Fred offered up blithely.

Both Honey Lemon and Varian stared at him disquitedly.

"That's..that's also not the best way to handle things." She said frowning.

"Why would you prank call a mole?" Varian asked in confusion. "I mean how would it even have a phone?"

"Not a mole, the Mole." Fred explained exasperatedly. "Richardson Mole; he's my arch nemesis. My greatest rival! The most sneaky and nefarious foe I've ever faced."

"He's the boy who lives next door. They compete over comic book stuff." Honey Lemon clarified to a now even more confused Varian.

"Try 'compete over everything'!" Fred retorted indignantly. "There's no lows to which he wouldn't sink just to show me up." He huffed and plopped down on the floor on front of them.

"Ooookay…..well that wouldn't really work for me," Varian tried to steer the conversation back to solving the current problem, "So, what do you do Honey Lemon? How do you stay so calm all the time?"

"I..don't know if 'staying calm' is the right words for what I do….buuuut, I do love going to a wrestling match now and then; it helps to release tension."

Varian looked at her in surprise. "You wrestle?" On some level he knew that Honey Lemon was a capable fighter, she was a superhero, a modern knight, after all, but it was hard to reconcile the image of the sweet natured girl throwing herself into a tournament ring to slug it out with someone.

"Oh.. Not me, no." Honey Lemon hastily corrected and gave an awkward laugh. "I mean, I wouldn't mind doing it but I'm not a professional, sooo...I just meant I go to watch. It's great fun. No one actually gets hurt and you can be as loud as you want to be." She tugged at a strand of her hair and keep nervously looking back and forth between him and the ground as if admitting some embarrassing truth. "I just like the atmosphere, and it fun to just scream your frustrations out sometimes."

Varian softly laughed, "It's hard picturing you yelling, ever, but it sounds fun. Like those brawl tournaments we have back in Corona. There's a lot of shouting and cheering going on during those too."

She perked up at that."Yeah, exactly like that! Would you wanna come to one? We could all get tickets to the next match!"

"Hey now, waaait a minute." Fred interrupted. "I thought we agreed to boycott the mecha-westling after Mole bought out the league! Please don't tell me you've still been going without me!"

Honey Lemon didn't answer, she just nervously bit her lip as Fred placed his hands on his hips and glared at her in disapproval. He then soon relented and sighed…"Fine, I'll buy us some tickets, but I'm getting us seats to a different league. There's no way I'm giving more money to Mole."

Honey Lemon's face broke out into a huge grin. Happy to have avoided an argument with her friend and even happier to attend her favorite sporting event.

"Well, before I can go anywhere, I need to clean up this mess." Varian sighed. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up, I needed it."

He stood up and started to pick up the broken metal and discarded instruments.

"Oh, we'll help you." Honey Lemon chirped.

"No, you don't have to..it's my mess, I need to be the one to clean it up."

"Yeaah, but if we help it'll go faster and then we can all go get lunch." Fred piped in. "That's why we came by in the first place. It's nearly after one and you haven't left your lab all day. Also you still haven't told us what's bugging you. You've not really been yourself lately."

Varian rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "The portal stopped working. I'm not making any headway and it's been two months now. I guess I'm just worried."

"About your dad?" Honey Lemon interjected.

Varian nodded."Yeah, that and other things. So far I've only managed to create a working spacial portal, not a interdimensional one, and even then I can't figure out how to control where it opens up at."

"Then why not focus on that first?" Fred suggested. Varian looked at him in surprise, so he explained further. "Why not master the spacial stuff, get it where you can pinpoint global places, and then work your way up from there? It's like learning martial arts; you start small before learning more complex moves."

"It's nothing like martial arts." Varian insisted, "but, that may not be a bad idea." He relented as he ran the possibilities through his mind; mastering more local coordinates could help in figuring out how to reach his own world.

Honey Lemon also stood up and wrapped him in another hug. "You'll figure it out it!I know you will!" She encouraged.

Fred also joined in on the hug before adding, "Yeah, but before then let's get this place cleaned up and go grab a noodle burger. I’m starving."

#varian #Honey lemon #Fred Frederickson IV #big hero 6 #bh6 #tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #BH6 the series

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