#sort of but like not in this post specifically

[sparrowlucero]

so this post was about the prevalence of writing advice/discussion that fixates on worldbuilding as the main thing that makes fantasy/sci fi good (even though that's often a very specific artistic goal and not true of all or even most fiction) to the point where people may feel obligated to focus on it when writing, and was pointing out an aspect of storytelling often neglected despite it being something that strongly benefits a lot of art. Not making an argument against the concept of plot or worldbuilding (?)... but i'm kind of struck by how tragic so many comments trying to argue against the latter misinterpretation are (even though it should be very easy to debunk)? It almost makes me feel like there /is/ some sort of weird merit to a "worldbuilding and lore sucks" stance even though I don't think that, because like, are you guys ok. what do you mean 'lore to chew on is important to anything with a story'. why is the baseline metric for good fiction here a storyless open world rpg. why the suggestion that anything that builds up to interesting scenes or concepts rather than being worldbuilding focused (not mutually exclusive at all) must be "shallow and worthless" and "braindead". have you never seen an episode of the twilight zone or bambi or anything.

your dark fantasy novel doesn't need a logic-based magic system it needs a bear with a human face

[tsunodaradio]

house handy ⛐ 𝐃𝐑𝟑

“if there are leaves that need to be swept, i’ll sweep them. if there’s rubbish that needs to be emptied, i’ll empty it.” — harris dickinson on being domesticated (or: the one where daniel gets to slow down a bit)

ꔮ starring: daniel ricciardo x girlfriend!reader. ꔮ word count: 1.6k. ꔮ includes: romance, fluff fluff fluff. mentions of food. established relationship, post-f1 daniel. inspired by the dickinson quote in the synopsis. ꔮ commentary box: every so often i miss dric and something like this gets written. shoutout to this one spotify playlist for being the perfect writing accompaniment. 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

There’s a cup of coffee on your bedside table when you wake up.

It’s a specific Australian brew, one your boyfriend has proudly touted as Danny-approved. Anything less would be a travesty. The steam curling from the mug draws you out of your sleep, reminding you of less than favorable experiences with the drink—days spent working yourself to the bone, evenings chugging the drink to stay awake for FaceTime calls.

Groggy, you take a sip. It’s perfect in a way you’ve never quite nailed. The right amount of sugar, just a hint of milk. The caffeine shot straight to your system gives you just enough energy to drag yourself out of bed.

It doesn’t take too long to find him, even if you weren’t expecting to find him at all.

You follow the music.

If he could help it, Daniel would never bother your rest; he knows how little of it you get as is. In the mornings, his footsteps are quiet. He pitches his voice low when he’s on the phone. And he tries to hum, not sing.

Key word: Tries. Better word: Fails.

He attempts to muffle his Bluetooth speaker with an old racing jersey, but the sound leaks through the fabric anyway. You feel the vibrations of the Noah Kahan song in your toes as you wordlessly pad into the kitchen. The space smells like maple syrup and flour, like what used to be good about off-seasons and long weekends. 

Daniel is too busy wrestling with a pancake to notice you at first. He’s singing, almost like it’s a stage whisper of some sorts. 

We ain’t angry at you, love, your boyfriend croons to himself, you’re the greatest thing we lost. 

He nearly jumps out of his skin when you wrap your arms around his waist. 

“Jesus Christ!” The words escape him in a surprised back of laughter. “You move like a freakin’ ninja, I swear.” 

A drowsy smile curls on your face as you rest your cheek to his back, in the space between his shoulder blades. You had always teased him for being something like your personal radiator. He’s solid and warm in your arms, enough to make you want to crawl back into bed. 

“You’re here,” you mumble into the unjustifiably soft material of his sleepshirt.

You feel him chuckle. The sound ripples through his body, through his obvious resistance in turning around and hugging you properly. He’s far too dedicated to the pancake in the non-stick pan to give into your sleepy brand of affection. 

“Where else would I be?” he teases lightly. 

Austin, you nearly say, because you’ve memorized the race calendar like the back of your hand. But you bite your tongue at the last second, holding back the remark when you remember—right. Right.

He’s not even looking at you, but Daniel already knows. He’s always had a sixth sense for anything that had to do with you. With a low hum, he flicks the stove off, sets down his spatula, and finally turns to face you. 

He looks better now. It’s a sigh of relief, a major grace. The days after Singapore had been rough, had dimmed his megawatt smile like it was a popped lightbulb that could never be replaced. But then the days turned into weeks, and the media frenzy died down, and proper goodbyes were given to those who mattered most to him. 

“Don’t do that,” Daniel chides, tugging at your chin.

You had started chewing on your lower lip, the way you did when you were deep in thought. Hadn’t even noticed it. Of course Daniel had; of course he knew just the way to look at you and hold you in a way that made you feel like you were unraveling. 

“Sorry,” you say softly. 

“Don’t be,” he says without missing a beat. 

He leans down slightly, just enough. You feel his stubble first. The brush of his five o’clock shadow on the top of your head. And then there’s the kiss—the firm press of his lips to your forehead. 

Your eyes flutter close as your arms tighten around him. He doesn’t pull away immediately, doesn’t move an inch even as the song on his phone transitions into a new one. So clean the house, clear the drawers, mop the floors, and stand tall, like no one's ever been here before or at all, the singer trills. 

“I’m not used to you being around again,” you finally confess, the words almost lost as you bury your face in Daniel’s chest. 

“I figured,” he huffs. “Gotta get more used to it, though. I’m going to be home a lot more now.” 

You strain your ears, trying your best to see if there’s anything lingering beneath his words. Is there any pain you might need to patch up? Any anger you might need to unpack? 

No. Not this time. Daniel says it like a fact. He sounds a bit wistful, and maybe a touch sad. But—for the most part—he’s folding himself back into your life. It’s in the way he sets the table for breakfast and chatters with you about everything except the elephant in the room. It’s in the small argument you have on who will wash the dishes before you settle on a compromise: you wash, he dries. It’s in the afternoon he spends moving around your apartment like he can’t quite relax, like there’s a part of him still behind that cursed second seat. 

“Danny,” you call out to him exasperatedly, but he’s not listening. 

He sweeps the leaves from your porch. He folds all the laundry. He inspects the cabinets and shelves, which is pretty much the last straw for you. 

“Daniel.” 

He freezes, hands bracing your bookshelf. The expression on his face—as if he’s a kid caught rifling through the cookie jar. “What?” he asks, already halfway into being defensive. 

“What are you doing?”

A beat. He’s looking at you, gauging you, to see how driven crazy you are. It’s truthfully not much, but the warning signs are there. Your arched eyebrows, crossed arms, pursed lips. 

He does the unwise thing and tries to play it off.

“Making repairs,” he says. The second word rises in intonation—making repairs?—almost as if he’s asking you, challenging you to stay otherwise. 

“You can barely even work a hammer,” you deadpan.

“I take serious offense to that.” 

“Danny, c’mon.” 

“There’s a loose screw here, I swear—” 

“Ricciardo.” 

He’s dropping the act before you can even get half his surname out. “Alright, alright.” He crosses the room in a couple of quick strides, settling down next to you. “You caught me.” 

The couch groans underneath your combined weight. He perks up, as if pleased to have found something he can work on, but the look on your face has him sheepishly curling into your side. Absent-mindedly, you begin to curl your fingers through his hair. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, treading as delicately as you can manage. 

An outsider might not see anything wrong. Daniel curls around you like a parentheses, pulling you into him until you’re tucked together. He’s been holding you like this a lot as of late. Arms around your middle, face burrowing into the side of your neck. Relearning your curves, keeping you from slipping through his fingers. 

“Nothing,” he murmurs against your skin. 

You pinch the back of his neck. He whines in protest.

“What’s going on in your head, love?” you rephrase. 

The silence stretches. Not uncomfortable, just thoughtful. It holds like a held breath. When Daniel responds, it’s in the deep exhale of the truth. 

“I don’t know how—” He pauses, inhales, pushes on. “I don’t know how to be.” 

“Be what?” 

“Just be.” 

Ah. 

Daniel has gone stock still next to you, as if the confession is one that will have him condemned. It makes your heart ache. You’re the last person in the world to ever think bad of this man, and you make it clear as you plant a kiss between his scrunched eyebrows. 

“It’s okay,” you say soothingly. “You’ve got time.” 

He mumbles something inaudible into your collarbone. Something about the hour, something about you. You give an absentminded hum in response. Right now, all you can do is let the moment pass. 

Let Daniel find his footing. Let your apartment feel like a home again. Let Sundays be exactly that—not a race weekend, not the loss of his life. Just a weekend. Just a Sunday. 

After a couple of minutes, he breaks the silence. “I think I’d like to be a house husband.” 

That makes you giggle. “What?” you ask, giving his forehead a light flick of your fingers. “A house husband?” 

He pulls his face away from where he’d been hiding. And there it is, you think to yourself. The face-splitting smile that has whiskers crinkling around his eyes. God, the things you would do to keep Daniel smiling like that. 

“I’d be pretty good at it, no?” he teases. “I can cook. I can clean.”

“The pancakes were burnt this morning.” 

“And you said you loved them.” 

The bickering brings laughter, and the laughter gives way to breathless kissing, and the kissing lapses into another bout of silence. This one is a lot more companionable, as if Daniel’s spirits have been lifted after only a couple of bad jokes and exchanged smooches. 

Relief rattles out of Daniel in a soft sigh. A quiet, wordless acquiescence of This is my life now. 

He looks like he doesn’t regret it. You want so badly to keep it that way. ⛐

[urcoolgf]

bf¡drew’s reaction to you posting him to ‘dandelion’ by ariana grande

¡ sexual/suggestive content !

drew had been out of town working on a new film, and it had left you… needy—to say the least. he had only been gone a few days, but your body’s desperation made it seem like months.

you were proud of him for getting to be apart of another big project that he was super passionate about, but you missed him. your body missed him. it wasn’t helping that you were ovulating…

you scrolled mindlessly through your photos, admiring all the photos of your boyfriend, hoping it would give you some kind of satisfaction. but, nothing.

you came across a specific photo that embarrassingly made your thighs clench. it was drew during a game night you had recently with some friends; his stance, the way his jeans fit, the keychain hanging from his belt loop, how his chest was puffed, and his shirt fit him just a little too tight in the most perfect way.

you don’t know what came over you—a sort of impulse? you clicked off the app, going straight to instagram, and creating a new story.

—

drew had just finished his last scene of the day—happy that he could finally call his girlfriend, but before he could, he saw an absurd amount of mention notifications from instagram.

thousands of people talking about some ‘story’ his girlfriend posted?

he quickly navigated to her profile, clicking onto her story. a devious smirk spread across his face as the lyrics appeared on his screen.

i got (got) what you need (you need)

i’m thinking you should plant this seed

i get this sounds unserious

but, baby boy, this is serious

he stared at the picture for a moment, totally unaware that you had even taken it. he pictured you, at home alone, with your hand between your thighs, all needy for him. the thought alone made his pants tighten.

he wasted no time calling you.

—

you were chasing your own pleasure, fingers working yourself open on the couch, but it wasn’t enough. it wasn’t him. suddenly, your phone lit up, and your beautiful boyfriend’s contact picture presented itself. your hand escaped your panties, accepting the call with an unnecessary urgency.

“hey, baby!,” you answered, not bothering to hide your enthusiasm. you fell back against the couch, sprawled out like a dramatic housewife—which is exactly who you felt like right now.

“you postin’ me, pretty?,” it was obviously a rhetorical question. he had already seen it. his smirk could be heard through the phone, and there was no use trying to deny it.

“maybe…,” you drew it out, curling a strand of your hair between your fingers. you tugged your lip between your teeth, waiting for his response.

“so fuckin’ lucky i’m not there right now, pretty girl,” his low laugh broke up the sentence, like he was in a mixed state of disbelief and amazement.

“i don’t feel very lucky,” you pouted. your dramatic, sad tone was evident in your soft words. your thighs involuntarily clenched together, trying to hide your heat—even if just from yourself. you could basically feel him inside you just from memory. it wasn’t enough.

“no? well… when i get back you’re gonna feel like the luckiest girl in the world. promise you that. i’ll plant as many damn seeds as you want—over ‘n over again if you ask me to,” his words were dirty, but his voice sounded so sweet, like he would walk across the country to get back to you right now if that was the only way home.

he didn’t even give you time to respond before continuing, “you’re gonna be so full you’re not even gonna remember what bein’ empty feels like, baby,” you could hear his cocky smirk tugging at his lips again, and it made your heart flutter, and your core clench.

“mm sounds good to me,” and he hated the way your voice alone made him hard, that low, sultry hum that made his head spin. why did he ever leave the house? no more movie deals outside of walking distance.

“‘nd don’t bother tryin’ to use your fingers, pretty girl. we both know it won’t satisfy you. you wait for me to get home… and i promise the next time i leave, you’ll have our baby on your hip to keep you occupied.”

JOIN MY TAGLIST

© 𝐔𝐑𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐋𝐆𝐅. est. 2025

TAGS .ᐟ @yktayy9669 @drewsswifeyy @drewrry @frankoceanluvr11 @dearestmillls @icaqttt @lynoriax @hpboysslut2707 @stoned-writer @angvl3tears @beabafreakbee @ltristessedureratoujours @totalswag @vanessa-rafesgirl @rafegetinmybed @browniepop62 @rafesgreasycurtainbangs @alexaaudrinaa @littlelamy @pointocean

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

The worsties.... How I love them <3

Illustration of a scene from this fic by @musashi

Let me explain real quick how I got to this fic because it's a little ridiculous and convoluted and I think that's kinda funny.

I'm not a big fanfic guy, generally. I am extraordinarily picky, I didn't get into it as a teen because I had already been blindsided by horny fanart for children's media and did NOT want a repeat of THAT experience (I was devastated to learn that safe search did practically nothing), and tbh all the fanfic websites scared me because I don't like learning new UIs or signing up for things. I just sort of missed the prime window for getting into fanfic as a hobby. Unless something is specifically recommended to me there is a high chance it'll just never cross my path.

Cut to sometime in early November, 2022. I had just recently gotten into Ace Attorney so that I could talk about it with a friend. As I often do, I accidentally became obsessed with it and shot way ahead of where my friend was, ironically making it difficult to discuss it with him. And now I'm drawing a lot of Franziska, and thinking "damn I wish she had a game". Not much longer after I posted some sketches about the concept, I got a notification from @pictureswithboxes. Turns out, she had seen my silly little doodles AND WRITTEN AN ENTIRE COURT CASE BASED ON THE IDEA!!

That story is called Turnabout Substitution, and it's phenomenal. I also have some doodles from that one, but I want to polish them before I share. Anyways, the point is I died on the spot and now, three years later, I've reread the finished story at least 5 times. About a week ago I noticed that there was a new story available, Metal Masquerade. After reading the available chapters I realized that this story has a co-author. Well, I've enjoyed these ones so much, I wonder if this person has any other- OH WOW THAT'S A LOT. Well who do they tend to focus on- FRANZISKA???!? MY BELOVED FRANZISKA VON KARMA!?!?

And that's how we got here :D

Both of these writers have such an exquisite handle on these characters and what makes them interesting, I was genuinely just as entertained by Franziska unraveling a murder case as I was by Phoenix picking up pastries from a café. They're all so full of life, every single scene I've read has been a treat. They're funny, they're dramatic, they're well-paced, introspective, and curious about this fictional world and the people in it. I cannot recommend these authors enough, and I feel genuinely lucky to have found their work

[wigglesdtuff]

favorite robin panels? i'm looking for a new pfp

It looks like I was too late for the pfp change so I am sorry, but I will ramble about some Robin panels that aren't super pfp worthy. I may or may not have like 7000+ screenshots from the manga saved and most of them are an attempt to screen Every Robin Panel. I have made it to the end of Wano lol.

Anyways. I wanted to post some that aren't really talked about as much alongside some obvious ones.

A lot are from Skypiea, and this as another angle of the bonfire I talked about in my previous post (see here). Again, I love that she's apart from the group, but she's still enjoying herself. It's so important to see this before the Water 7 saga.

I don't really see anyone ever bringing this panel up, but I love it so much. stark shadows on the edges contrasting the pure light where she's sitting is just so poignant to me. She's seeing the city of gold for the first time, but we can actively see the light in her life being reignited throughout Skypiea, and this panel just illustrates that for me so concisely.

Same with this one here. I love that again, she's sitting away from the group, but she's listening. She's allllllways listening. It's very important to note what she's hearing here though. For the first time in her life, she's joined a group that's helped others for the sake of just doing what they wanted to and because it felt like the right thing for them to do. It wasn't to be rewarded, it wasn't to gain any glory, it was to show an old man down on the island below that he wasn't searching for nothing and he could stop trying to kill himself to do it. That's HUGE for her to witness. I don't think she'd ever experience another group thinking "oh well, we're still poor, but that was cool!"

Okay last Skypiea panel, even though I could probably find more. I am in love with the deliberate separation of her silhouette here. She is still part of the crew, but it's still so clear that she is visibly detached at this point. It's a really good way to depict this subtly.

You can barely see her there but I love the way he encourages her to be enthusiastic about traveling and she indulges. They just understand each other in such a fundamental way lol This part is so cute to me.

We're onto Water 7, and I'll try and be brief. The entirety of the Water 7 saga is masterful, I'm not wavering on that. This panel hurts the more context we get. He is such a scary threat, but when we find out he genuinely thought he was committing an act of misguided mercy, the fact that he goes in for a HUG? That's so fucking tragic to me. Kuzan fascinates me, because the horror of Ohara does seem to genuinely shake him. Robin has had such a rough life because he let her live, so it's so sad to me that one of her only experiences of any sort of physical affection in recent memory is an attempt at a frozen coup de gras.

The tragedy of Water 7 continues. I love this panel so much. The broken smile thinking about the Straw Hats, thinking she did the best thing for them in letting them live, not realizing just how much they loved her and would have been tortured knowing she died for them. It's such a simple panel of her covering her face, but ugh. So good.

Heartbreaking. But also the fire of Ohara burning behind them while they have this one quiet moment. God. I'm a little speechless about this one so I'll just let it sit.

I'm skipping "I Want to Live" because we've all seen it and there's no question it's one of the best manga panels of all time. Sorry I don't make the rules.

This is maybe the most raw moment of "I want to stay alive, I have to stay alive," I have ever witnessed in something and it very well maybe be the hardest moment in One Piece for me. That is her TEETH on STONE. She is hanging on to life and the love of her friends BY HER TEETH. There is quite literally nothing more metal to me than this I'm sorry power scalers you can suck it.

Wrapping up Enies Lobby specifically, I adore this moment between Luffy and Robin so much. The way he tries to thank HER after he literally gave his everything to save her - and he's not even thinking about that??? And she's like ? No you don't get to thank ME I have to thank you all. Ugh. I love. Their friendship. So much.

I'm curious if we're going to see the outcome of this conversation between them - we don't really NEED to, we know where they both are, but with an inevitable clash of the SHs and the Blackbeard pirates, it could be interesting. I love the division between them with the wall, and the genuine question of "did I do the right thing?" I am compelled.

We've reached the timeskip.... I love her so much waahhh. There's a lot that I love in FMI - Dressrosa, but not nearly as much as I love her in Zou.

A silly entry - but this is on purpose! I love. Love. Love. Where she's at by Zou. She is so comfortable with her friends. She's able to be goofy. I also love that this implies she has some level of cuteness aggression and I think that's so funny.

To go from. Feeling like a burden and thinking death is easier than trusting anyone to fight for you to accepting that you are loved and full of love is such a fucking beautiful message. I love the way they're so pumped up too. They LOVE her!!!! ME tOO!!

I can't not mention this lmao. I'm so glad she gets to be included in ugly face gags. She's just as silly (if not more) as the rest of the crew!!! She's so happy at first too lmao

This is like what fans talking about her sounds like. "She didn't do enough in x arc" meanwhile she's like carrying the story on her back via the poneglyphs LMAO She's so funny.

Extending that love from Zou to be there for her friends and taking the moniker those who hunted her through her whole life... Well I just think this page speaks for itself.

Shut the fuck up this is the cutest, sweetest, perfectest panel I've ever seen in my life.

Um the entirety of chapter 1133 is catharsis in a can. I don't have words in my goopy goblin artist brain to express how much this chapter means to me.

Covers/Color Spreads I really love (sorry not sorry there's a ton)!

They're doing fish experiments (I'll reblog with a part 2 with more color spreads/covers)

[accio-victuuri]

“last two days in shanghai”: A completely fake series of events typed up by a cpf. 🤡🤡🤡

well, i think the title of this post is disclaimer enough as it is. lol. i’ve initially talked about this here and here. this will be about the events that happened after the second link. so it’s the morning of the race and there are videos of wyb and xz here and there. i am actually slightly changing my stance on xz’s intention. i think he wants us to know that he is there. enough to be photographed leaving his hotel and nothing else. the usual plausible deniability card he and yibo are so good at.

so let’s start with a run down of events: we all know yibo won. by 5:00 PM we had videos of WYB’s win already. it was a happy affair. then around 8PM we received news that WYB is nominated for Huabiao Awards. after that, we got some talk of XZ attending Stefanie Sun’s concert at around 9:30. this was later confirmed by videos and XZ posted about it himself so much later in the day. please note that the 9:30 time when was the news made it to the internet, when it actually happened was earlier.

now here comes the clownery-interpretation.

no one knows where xz is after he left his hotel. yibo already won by 5PM, tho there was still time in the podium. so was that enough time for him to attend Stefanie Sun’s concert? absolutely. please see below:

so proximity wise. it’s very possible. there are also talks of how xz came in late. some attendees said he was there during the 3rd part of the concert, and was seen leaving the audience section before the program ended. well, i’m thinking he might have already been there, backstage or whatever VIP section earlier. people only learned he was there when he came out and stefanie mentioned him. this is his idol and his fandom lol so i would imagine that he wanted be there on time. tho being a bit late is okay too cause he still had to spend time with his champion racer boyfriend 🙄🙄🙄😤😤😤 there is a repo from a concert goer that he left around 9PM. yibo on the other hand was seen leaving the track at 9:30. so coordinated!

xz was again spotted returning to his hotel at around 11PM. so it is possible that xz watched wyb’s race, watch the concert and they still had time to go celebrate. 🎉🎉🎉🎉

XZ being spotted at a concert is the perfect alibi of sorts. he can say he was there to attend the concert. but if you look closely and observe the time, there is a huge window that is unexplained. Of course i’m not removing the fact that XZ did want to go. this specific concert is to celebrate her 25th year anniversary as a singer so it’s really special and any fan would surely want to watch. but it also happens to line up perfectly with bobo’s race.

now i’ll quickly run down a few cpns floating around……

first is how the caption is formatted, it’s so similar to yibo’s birthday post

the photo of the nutcracker that he shared was during the song 真的 ( really ). maybe he just liked how it looked but the song itself is pretty telling. if we are talking about this and interpreting it in the CPN context. that weekend specifically, they both had to go through a lot to spend time together. but they did. love is not always easy!

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

i love his caption for the concert but i have a feeling that the last part was for someone else. for his racing win and the awards nomination.

I fly forward, fly across a sea of ​​time, and the best youth is you. I wish you happiness every day! Forever!

He specifically mentioned this song 尚好的青春 that she did not sing during the concert. but of course it’s important to him and yibo cause this was the song he performed during the 11.11 concert where WYB was supposed to introduce him 😭😭😭😭

https://youtu.be/B2cF9NzGO0Y?si=pB_aOWI0jkkELQR2

i’ll stop here and there’s probably some more if you clown hard enough 😋😋😋 you can also add him talking about being a “shining adult” and how that related to Chen Shuo.

Moving on —Sunday, was another race day and sadly, yibo couldn’t continue competing. he made it in time to attend Huabiao Awards. XZ then went back to Beijing and was spotted around 10PM. again. so much time in between for XZ to watch Bobo again!

what a great weekend in shanghai 😉😉😉

lastly, i wanna address the cpn about the black tent. some are saying that it’s a possible place for xz to be in there but was later was said to be where tires are stored. others are saying that for sports like this, the emergency contact should be present. i was holding off talking about that cause when cpfs are hyped up, we tend to over interpret. and that’s dangerous. we all fall for that one way or another, and i think it takes time to be more discerning. all cpn pieces should be taken as what they are — cpn. made up. fiction. i don’t know how i can make people understand that xz being there is not a fact. it’s not a matter of what “evidence” was there or whatever “washing” was done. the default fact is that xz wasn’t there.

so i hope people will not be too glass hearted when a different explanation for cpns comes up. this is all fiction. we won’t know. just enjoy the fandom! don’t take it too seriously. 💛💛💛

-END.

[basedonconjecture]

shy nerdy illario? shy nerdy illario.

So I recently posted some rambling Illario Dellamorte thoughts in the tags of this post featuring his awkward little handwave at Cafe Pietra during the Coffee with the Crows quest about believing in a shy nerdy Illario.

The tags for context:

#illario dellamorte who are you when you aren’t performing #never lets anyone know what his real passions are so they can’t take them from him or use them against him #is even more awkward than lucanis

There were more but these are the ones that said thoughts mostly center on.

I don't think I'm really an outlier when it comes to recognizing that Illario very often operates in what feels like very scripted ways. He's built up a certain reputation, people expect him to be a specific way, and he plays into that. At the same time, there's an air of cynicism about him when he does. I look to that moment in The Wigmaker Job when he's introducing himself to the elf in the alienage as the "Lesser" Dellamorte and go back and forth on what's really happening. I've talked a little bit this before and how I think the joke, while painfully self-deprecating, only works as a joke there because it's understood on some level that Lucanis doesn't believe it to be true even if everyone else does. But it's a sort of viciously repeating cycle right? If he introduces himself in this manner to everyone he meets, if he defaults to the self-deprecative, silver-tongued charmer who spends hours on frivolous things like gloves, then this is the sum of who he becomes to people. He disarms them before they have a chance to form any other opinion, be potentially disappointed in, and/or criticize him (for anything that matters). He's told them what he wants them to believe about him, what they will inevitably come to believe anyway, and allows that to be the preeminent version of Illario Dellamorte that exists to the wider world. It is so strategic and so so damning on an interpersonal level.

What does any of this have to do with shy nerdy Illario I keep mentioning? One of the questions I ask above is: who is Illario Dellamorte when he's not performing? Without the cynicism attached to playing a role in which one is never quite certain whether one is liked for the performance or for the bits of truth in said performance, without the drive to external validation in pleasing other people, without the necessity of differentiating himself from his cousin or his grandmother, who does he then become? In TWJ, Lucanis mentions, in passing, that Illario doesn't have any friends and never leaves Treviso. This could be hyperbole, the ribbing between siblings, and not to be taken literally—or it could also be that, when not working a contract, Illario keeps to himself, maybe not so much a homebody as Lucanis, but not as much of a carouser as being a flirt and a supposed enjoyer of nightlife suggests. I tend to lean more toward the latter. When removed from the role of Master Dellamorte the Lesser™ I think Illario does fall closer to Lucanis on the scale of introversion/extroversion, his social agility being learned rather than inherent, and I think he has an unfortunate tendency to feel some control over people in the way he manipulates them. If he can figure out what they want, if he can make them like him even, they become more predictable. He doesn't get hurt. But do they ever really like him for him? Could they? I think he really very much struggles with that cynicism wrt to his personal relationships and pushing past it to make any genuine connections with people. I also imagine that he places his personal interests beneath layers and layers of apathy to, in a way, shield them from judgment. For someone very often criticized on multiple fronts, I can't imagine there's much appeal in being openly earnest and enthusiastic about anything. Ever. Everything—and everyone—is kept at a distance. If one is never taken seriously anyway, what is the point of trying? But if you spend so long burying the things you enjoy in life under apathy, you forget how to talk about them and how to engage with them honestly. I think there's a very real possibility that Illario has at least one interest or hobby that he's really very passionate and stupidly knowledgeable about that absolutely no one in his life is aware of because he won't let them be. (I personally think it probably falls somewhere in the arts, like music or painting or fashion, just based on the everything about him, but could you imagine if it's something tangential like chemistry?? Poisons and cosmetics, do you see my vision? I can't be the only one to have thought about this, right???). In a world where someone manages to break through the cynicism enough to learn this about him, I don't think he'd know how to talk about it, at least not without practice, and I think he would flounder, frankly. Importantly, this struggle would also occur when attempting to be genuine with people too—people who expect him to flatter and cajole and be a specific way—and I think he would fumble and say the wrong thing and put his foot in his mouth in the attempt to learn how to be vulnerable. Illario trying to reconcile how he used to approach relationships versus how he should and wants to approach relationships is something that, to me, can be quite crunchy in both the character growth sense and just calculating the amount of psychic damage he'd be able to take Being Perceived for realsies before imploding.

[hephslacker]

Your post was incredibly fun and interesting to read and I couldn't help but want to point out some of my own observations and share some thoughts!

You have discussed how Ena’s sides represent her “individuality” and here’s another little thing I have noticed!

> In the game, Salesman actually says NOTHING regarding her opinion towards her job, staying “professionally-playful”, yet distant.

What I think is also a point of interest is that a few of the jobs Ena has collected didn’t promise her ANYTHING in return, basically making her work for free. And while helping Taxi Driver’s Heads might have been justified as "helping a fellow worker”, what about Hoarder Alex? The guy, at most, said that he MIGHT give us his thanks, but that’s about it. And yet Ena still accepts the job.

And we HAVE seen how Ena reacted when she thought that The Witches weren’t gonna pay.

The only explanation I can think of so far is that she was willing to let it slide due to the fact that she NEEDED to pass through the bridge, which made said task a priority.

> Just an interesting interaction I have noticed, especially if we take into account that this is Ena’s inner thoughts

> Another thing I wanted to talk about was the apparent “violent streak” you have briefly mentioned.

Technically speaking, “aiming for the target” could be taken metaphorically, aka cementing Ena’s main task as dealing with the Boss. What kind of “dealing” is being talked about remains to be seen!

> That brings us to another interesting point and a bit of a theme that I have noticed being subtly repeated throughout the game: miscommunication.

The most notable example of that would be the confusion that Genie and Bathroom cause, however I want to focus on what I think might be the most important miscommunication in the game, aka the one between Ena and Froggy.

What if we, and Ena, have misunderstood the task that was given? Considering that in this particular case Froggy was actually trying to use a fixed expression from a different language, it is quite probable that he might have caused confusion by what exactly he meant by “aiming for the Boss’s gut”. Do we have to kill him? Peacefully deal with him? Get rid of him? “Dethrone” him? Who knows!

> Another interesting thing is the Boss himself. What I have noticed is that… we actually have no idea if he’s been born, no?

After what the Receptionist tells us (You are too late! The Boss isn’t even born yet) I have realised that Froggy, while heavily implied, never did really SAY that the Boss has been born, no? For all we know he might be born SOON, but not yet.

It also aligns with the fact that both Froggy and The Receptionist mention us being “late”.

However, that’s just a speculation.

But who is the Boss? What does he do?

> Regarding Ena’s apparent Sin, it honestly feels like it’s not this specific Ena, but ENAs in general that are unforgivable. Honestly? It’s very hard to even start guessing what may be the reason, but I do have a few theories.

The first thing I have noticed is this particular sentence

I’m not doing what you SAY I’m doing

This most likely hints at some huge misunderstanding that has taken place.

If you think about it, misunderstandings are also quite a common theme in ENA DREAM BBQ. Just take the ending for example! Or when Ena goes to the Purge Event, during which Froggy assumes she’s partying and is having a good time.

Another theory I have is that Ena might be, quite literally, being punished for the sins of others, as has been hinted in the dialogue with Taski Maiden.

Maybe she’s unforgivable because she’s a “vessel” for the sins of other beings, hence her being unable to be “sin-free” herself.

Frankly, for all we know she might have been simply at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But of course, it’s impossible to say for sure, although some sort of misunderstanding playing a role might be quite a possibility.

Honestly tho, Ena’s overworking tendencies and disregard for herself is honestly quite saddening:(

Wonder if it’s due to the feelings of guilt or regret? And if so, are they misplaced?

Could it be that it’s impossible to forgive Ena because she can’t forgive herself?

Have you noticed how she doesn’t seem to be all that concerned by the idea of being unforgivable?

But, well, all of this is nothing more than a speculation at the moment.

DREAM BBQ

What if the whole game is Ena's subconscious?

I'm sure that most have already heard of such a theory, but what if everything (or mostly everything) is nothing more than a dream, in which case this may open a whole other bug of worms.

However, what I want to focus on are Ena's view of herself, because if the world itself is a dream, in whatever way of form, then it means that what we have seen regarding Ena would be completely Ena's own view and opinion of herself. That, in turn, would mean that her "unforgivable" state would be entirely her "fault" too.

Could it be that she did something she deeply regrets? Does she blame herself for something out of her control, or is she actually responsible for committing something terrible?

The idea of other ENAs existing, in this context, has left me thinking that, what if they actually are the "species" that represent certain people? With the hints to war and Ena's connection to the military, could they represent different participants, including those who might have simply been affected by such events, or are they only the people who have actively been participating?

Well, all of that remains to be seen.

I’m not sure if I have missed anything because it’s quite hard to keep track of everything but yeah!

Ena in Dream BBQ and Work Culture

HELLO Dashboard!! Ever since i first played DBBQ i've found the entire game endlessly interesting (as have most people, LOL) But one of the most interesting, and in my opinion, most Potent things, is Ena's character and how she relates to the game's commentary on modern work culture.

So for anyone as much of a #SICKO as me 😭 Here's an embarrassingly long analysis of just that! There's SO much to talk about with this game, and even when I'm trying to focus on one specific idea with this post, I'm sure I'll still miss things, so just stick with me best you can OK? 😭 😭

My aim for this post is to allow you to understand Just how deep in the torment nexus Ena is, and to want to say "she should be at the club" Only to realize she can't even go to the club. She can't even go to the club. Because of Job. (Among other, hopefully more intelligently articulated things!)

SO, Let's just jump right in :D

First, to state the obvious—Ena's literal entire life is her job. The only moods she expresses under normal circumstance are "smooth talking salesperson where every line is about working or trying to sell something" and "Stops keeping up the veneer and gets frustrated and pissed because she hates her stupid job."

This permeates every aspect of her character—I don't think there's a single line in the game so far where she says like, Anything about herself. There's nothing about what she may want or what she may like. It's all about her fuckass job or the fuckass Boss.

And of course, even in gameplay aspects, you literally don't get a chance to choose whether you accept a job or not, like the thought of doing anything besides giving her time and energy for other people or her job's benefit doesn't even occur to her (Or, it can't occur to her—I doubt the Boss would want to allow her reprieve from anything at all, and I'm sure Ena would know this).

(^ Ena's reaction to being told to find a mythical figure that she maybe didn't even know existed cause Froggy sure as hell didn't to do a stupid job for Froggy's stupid ass. Like)

Maybe i'm reaching here, but I even find it interesting how her red hand has no fingers (besides a thumb). I feel like that represents a lack of individuality she has when she's in Salesperson mode, or at least, a lack of individuality she's been allowed. A lack of having a defined being cause it's all about this stupid job.

There's lots of avenues to go from here, but let's start with another big point of the game: Everybody hates her. Except for like, three characters, every NPC in the game either insults her, talks down to her, blatantly doesn't respect her, or Literally tells her nobody should be punished for being born except her. Typical day for Ena.

I'm not going to get into why I think this is—for me there's not enough evidence to speculate with surety right now—but I think this does tie strongly into her commitment to her job. Ena working her ass off in every aspect of her life and earning nothing but disrespect for it is very reminiscent of real life work environments.

Think of how almost every NPC claims they are "the Boss" in such a way that many of them seem to want to be the Boss, like he's some kind of well-known or respected figure. The description for the game on Steam even says as much: "Play as ENA as she searches for the Boss that everyone wants to be."

(eg: "I am the B-O-S-S!"):

People wish they were the Boss, they want to be some kind of rich capitalist with power and fame, but when looking at someone who actually works for him, and probably is the reason the Boss has profit and success in the first place, they insult her and demean her no matter how much she gives herself to them and the Boss. I'm sure you can see the real life parallels here.

It's even possible one of the reasons Ena works so hard in the first place is as an attempt to earn respect from these people, or to make up for whatever everyone thinks she did that made everyone hate her so much. Especially considering...

Our society is one that tells its people that Work is unequivocally Good. Committing yourself to work is what everyone, no matter who they are or what they face, is what you have to do to be a valuable member of society, and to have any respect from other people in the slightest. It tells its people that you only have value as a living human being at all if you give your life to work.

Even though this blatantly isn't true. If people think you're the Wrong type of worker, or if people think your work isn't valuable, helpful, or that it doesn't require skill, you can work as hard as you want but you'll still be treated like shit. But, hey, work is still your duty as a member of society, right? Stop bitching and whining and pull yourself up by your bootstraps, right?

Needless to say, it's easy to see how this whole idea is being represented in DBBQ. She even knows how much she's sold herself to this, she just... Seems to have extremely casually accepted it all LOL, which, I mean... What else does she have the power to do?

This very casual and nonchalant acknowledgement of her lack of autonomy connects to another big point: Ena doesn't value herself, nor does she even know how to exist without being in a constant state of working.

Let's talk about the Purge: There's a LOT to get to here in terms of Ena herself LOL, but the intrigue starts before she even enters the party. Literally Froggy just saying she's about to enter an "Event" stops her in her tracks and worries her. Not to mention the next line...

This feels like an indication that despite how much she commits herself to it, Ena does "crave freedom" from her shitty job, although she can scarcely admit this anywhere else so far. Then, if you talk to this slime guy, you get some strange text.

As far as I know, the text for interacting with things doesn't look like this anywhere else in the game. And given that it looks exactly the same as how Ena's lines do in the Purge, it's seemingly the only peek we get into her internal monologue, and it is. Quite worrying! She literally can climb up a hellish freezing floating mountain and yet this is by far the most freaked out she gets in the entire game.

And then to actually get into the Purge, an Evil eye Ball tells her that she needs to give a literal arm or a leg to get in. And she just does it. Like no hesitation no further questions she just gives it away to the evil eye ball. Presumably for Good? Because the only reason she regains the arm later is because of Genie magic? Like Ena. Girl. Are we gonna talk about this at all.

But so many real life work environments expect you to give every part of yourself in order to be allowed to exist and live in society, including your physical being and critical parts of your personhood at all.

(Let me also say I find it intentional that she gave away her white arm. Whereas her red hand literally doesn't have fingers, the sharp claws she has on her white hand represent the individuality and unique identity she Does have. However, it's also the part of herself that's in conflict with her ability to be a Good Worker, that always does exactly what she's supposed to do, and never complains, and never gets in the way of her duties.)

She was already very distressed here, but it's a clear indication of how little she values herself. It was a motion to lose a part of herself just to reach the Genie, both for her stupid job, and possibly for the possibility of "freedom" from it all. And your average job these days—no matter how important you are to your cause—will drill it into you that your ability to be a good worker is infinitely more important than your existence as a person. It's easy to see how Ena may have internalized that.

And then she goes to the club one time and this happens

I won't get too deep into her dialogue with the NPCs here because I think their intention is pretty clear; Being in a place so antithetical to a work environment, and a place where she's supposed to let loose and have fun, is so distressing and impossible to even fathom for her that This Happens.

(see: "H-How can I leave this stupid event? M-my lame schedule is full,")

Like, everything at the Purge is insane, but this is a particularly heartbreaking line for me. One because of her job's shitty environment that's broken her down so much—do you think she EVER gets a break, because I sure don't—but also because of how it's conditioned her to not even believe she can "afford another minute of joy." Ena :[

Note how she's covered in these branches that started growing during Froggy's phone call, which look very similar to how she looks in this gag with the Shaman—it's literally her nervous system. In her scene with Mitu she even says she's feeling "sick," She's literally freaked out of her flipping Gourd with her goddamn Nerves On The Outside

Hell, even though Meanie's speaking (which, I mean, no shit, in another line she literally describes her job as "deplorable" 😭), these sprites in the files are actually labelled "Anxiety", suggesting that she's SO freaked out by being somewhere supposed to be so opposite to her work she's become another variant of herself, a la Drunk Ena from Season 1.

I won't get much more into this, because @cube-cumb3r has a PHENOMENAL post I'll link in the notes that goes deeper into this stuff from the Purge and the "Anxiety" thing, And also gets more into theory territory than I do here! Please please go read that post, it is so damn good.

In any case, I think the scenes with the Purge NPCs are the biggest examples in the whole game of how much she hates her fuckass job, yet she can't be allowed to be anything besides a wage slave to it. And just as she's internalized everybody in her world's dislike of her, she hates herself for it.

So:

We've established that Ena's shitty job parallels the real life work conditions that plague our world, and that these conditions have caused her to devalue herself and believe she can't have any reprieve from them... but, what even is her job?

Apparently she's a salesperson, but what is she even selling? She tries to offer a "divestment opportunity", and tells the Witches she can show them how to "grow [their] own [boss]" which definitely falls in line with the Sales thing, but besides that it's still not clear, even when she talks to Froggy.

I suppose the "grow their own boss" line does sound a lot like the phrasing used in MLM schemes, with how they lure people in by telling them they can "be their own boss." The Receptionist also calls Ena a scammer and a conman, so maybe she is a sort of scammer, but, I also don't exactly think the Receptionist think she has the most reliable opinions of Ena LOL

She also calls her a "pink-collar slug", pink collar meaning a job traditionally associated with women, which. ??? I don't fully know where to go with that.. like ...Nothing she does harkens to... Any kind of job expected to be done by women, imo?? Um. Yeah idk i just thought that may be significant??/ 😭😭😭😭 Listen man I can't know it all

Anyway. Maybe I'll be proven embarrassingly wrong when we receive more information in future chapters, but I think the lack of clarity on what she's supposed to be is representative of the games themes. The constant disrespect Ena receives makes her seem likely to be a low-tier worker, someone at the bottom of the ladder that people have no problems walking all over.

Because these types of jobs will treat you the same no matter who you are or what you're supposed to be doing. She's doing what the world tells her she needs to do in order to be a respected member of society, and yet she's also someone people feel comfortable treating poorly because she's at the bottom—because has no power of her own. It doesn't matter what she's supposed to be doing, it matters that she's the Wrong type of worker.

And how is she supposed to ever say anything for herself? It seems virtually baked into her Salesperson side to completely ignore past all the rude things these assholes say to her. After all, not only would that probably just make most people ruder to her (and impede her ability to complete jobs for them) isn't the customer always right?

...OK I will say her whole "Understood! Aim for the target!" line DOES seem like her overall job here is to fucking kill the Boss, but this is long enough already and the likely theme of Ena having a violent streak and whatnot is another beast entirely that I am NOT getting into here 😭😭

Besides, maybe she has no clearly defined job because we've already seen exactly what it is. To sell her life, time, and emotions to whatever all these clowns ask of her, and to receive no reward besides another goddamn job to do.

I think future chapters may delve more into Ena's true feelings on her situation, and possibly even how she'll get freedom from it. Allow me to mention the scenes with Theodora, wherein if you try to "aspire to receive a blissful life" Theodora just tells Ena "You can't aspire for more than what you are capable of." (LIKE OKAYYYY.... RUDE MUCH????)

Until, finally:

How is her mind—containing a desire for freedom—supposed to be in harmony with the letters it spits out, when she's been so conditioned that the only thing she's allowed to be is a worker?

Now, even I still have a lot of questions after this. Like: What has happened in Ena's past that made her this way? How and why did she take this job in the first place? What is up with the "Guys wait, I'm not doing what you say I'm doing" scene I literally didn't even mention that once here. Why should nobody be punished for being born except poor damn Ena, and does it relate to any of the themes I just talked about?

I... don't know. Like I actually truly have no idea. But I have confidence, even if it's in a delightfully vague and abstract Ena-typical way, that we'll find out eventually.

[codderanged]

After Party - Phillip Graves X Shadow!Reader

A/N : This came to me as I listened to Dealer by S3RL! Sorry it’s so long compared to my usual stuff (ToT ) Also sorry but this one is mega indulgent LMAO. I love myself some acts of service and intimacy via things that aren’t sex and the idea that nudity does not equal sexual tension. Enjoy!!

A/N2 : THIS BITCH WAS 15 PAGES IN GOOGLE DOCS

Word Count : 4,699

TW : Drugs, alcohol, hallucinogenic consumption, description of involuntary actions, reader under the influence, good trip turned bad, anxiety, hallucinations (visual and auditory), nonsexual nudity

No one remembers when it became a tradition but at some point in Shadow Company, without Graves knowing a thing, someone decided to start throwing post-mission parties. Most Shadows referred to them simply as “after parties” and whenever an outsider asked the explanation was always that it was simply a glorified way of saying a group was going to rest and veg out together. 

These parties were exclusive. At first they were small, just a small group of Shadows who started it, then they became huge. Half of a barracks hall used to party late at night when everyone was sure the commander was asleep like kids using the house while their parents are away. Anyone who wanted to attend needed an inside connection to be invited specifically or taken in as a plus one. 

Hence why this particular recruit didn’t expect to be invited to the after party this time. 

They were newer to the team but most definitely had proven themselves as a useful asset. A few good friends had been made and they’d established a nice circle to sit with in the mess hall during breakfast. But none of those friends struck them as the type to go to these parties. Not when they’d heard that recently they’d been getting progressively more wild. More booze, louder music, a little bit of drugs, etc.. 

Of course the question of whether they’d accept or not was a big one. Saying yes was dragging them into something likely bigger than they even knew, but declining would most likely prevent them from ever going in the future. It took a lot of consideration but they simply chose to go but avoid any of the heavy partying. It would set their reputation well but hopefully prevent anyone from offering them drugs thinking they were into that sort of thing. 

That night they made their way to the barracks hall the party was held in. Always the one furthest from Grave’s own quarters. From the entrance they could see the party down the hall. A few people kept the doors of their rooms open to let Shadows in and out and it seemed there was already a line for the bathroom. The recruit was stopped by a taller Shadow who asked for proof of invite. In response they took out the little piece of paper their friend had scribbled on, signing that they were the one who invited the newbie. The bouncer Shadow nodded and handed the slip back to the shorter, “Enjoy.” 

They scuttled along further down the hall. Upon closer inspection it seemed there was a designated room for smoking what smelled like weed, another room for snacks and drinks, and everything else was free range to hang out. Without missing a beat the recruit went into the snack room. Getting food was a good way to start a conversation, right? Bond over similar tastes and snack combos seemed like a normal conversation topic. The room was simply decorated with a couple of black lights, a singular strobe, a speaker, and a few tables with snacks and drinks laid out on them. However, what caught the Shadow’s eye through the throng of buzzing coworkers was the table with a large closed-topped pitcher labeled “Southern Style Tea”. Ignoring all the other drink options they raced towards the table, grabbed a red solo cup, and filled it. 

Just before taking the first sip they noticed two tiny plates next to the large cooling vat. One was labeled “Sugar cubes” in simple messy black sharpie while the other was labeled the exact same thing except in fancier pink cursive marker. The recruit chuckled and grabbed a couple sugar cubes under the pink label and tossed them into their drink. It was a party, of course they had to pick the more whimsical option. After stirring their drink a bit the recruit took a few sips and shuffled off to the side so they could observe from the wall. Hopefully some easy opportunity to interact would come along and they would be able to hop in on a conversation. 

After ten minutes that opportunity still hadn’t come. They stood there sipping their tea and even got a refill with more sugar cubes. It was likely the music but slowly their head grew fuzzy and every now and then they swore they saw something moving from the corner of their eye. Just as they went to grab a sugar cube for their third cup of tea, their Shadow friend came by, standing just a couple feet away. “Well hey there!” he greeted with a sickeningly intoxicated laugh. His eyes lazily drifted to see the sugar cubes. “Oh wow I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing.”

The recruit raised a brow in confusion, “Well it’s just sugar, yeah? Not like I haven’t shown off my sweet tooth before.”

Their friend shook his head, “No, that’s not sugar.” The Shadow moved to stand directly next to them and pointed at the sugar cubes with black sharpie. “That’s sugar,” he pointed at the pink labeled ones, “and that’s sugar cubes soaked in LSD.”

“LSD…?” the other mumbled, staring in horror as they processed it all. The senior Shadow laughed loudly.

“Oh boy! How much did you have? You’re way in for it,” he slurred through his amusement. With a sigh he put a hand on the other’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine I’m sure. Just uh… don’t get caught.” 

He nodded, popped a raw sugar cube into his mouth, and walked away with drink in hand. The stunned recruit stood there staring between the cup in their hand and the sugar cubes in the little dish. How many had they had? Six, maybe even seven. They left their cup on the table and shakily began trying to exit the room. It seemed whatever they did was in slow motion and just about everything around them was going too fast to see anything other than the motion blur. No one they shoved past seemed to care or notice, simply stumbling to the side while too busy with their conversation or dancing. The music bumped so loud that the bass sent vibrations through their very core and the lights seemed to flash in their eyes even when they weren’t looking at them. Like a kaleidoscope, shapes and color swirled around the border of their vision, obscuring the things in their peripheral vision and distracting them as they ambled out into the hall. The music seemed to echo there and the noise felt like it was going to burst their ears open. People passed by, not paying any mind, and the recruit wandered around. They didn’t realize but their mouth hung open a little and in the midst of everything they were going much slower than they felt they were. Things blurred further and everything seemed to swirl around in their vision. The buzz of everyone yelling over the music was merely a monotonous hum that settled itself into the back of their mind. 

It took some time for them to find it but eventually they came across a room where everyone seemed to be smoking weed. There were a couple groups of people passing different forms of the substance around who didn’t seem to want to be as loud as everyone else outside the room. The Shadow saw this as a perfect place to settle and enjoy the sudden euphoria budding in their chest. 

They stumbled over to a bean bag chair in the corner and let their weight crash down into the squishy cushion. Sprawled out across the big bean bag they stared up at the ceiling, watching the little shapes and colors drift by and feeling the bass of the party music rumble underneath them. It felt like merely a minute but it must have been an hour when they finally looked up to see half the people from the rotations gone and the other either sleeping or mumbling amongst each other. The party outside was still raging but strangely the sudden change in the room disturbed the Shadow more than they were prepared for. Something about it didn’t quite click to them as their eyes slowly dragged across the room to see if perhaps everyone was only hiding. 

No one was there. No one was hidden under the blankets or in the corners of the room.

Unless they were. Unless this was some ploy to trick them and possibly humiliate them. 

While the shapes and colors still blotted their vision they pulled their knees to their chest and looked around the room a little more panicked than before. Their arms held their knees close as their breathing quickened. Everything appeared to close in on them. The walls leaned in and the people in the room slowly grew bigger as if trying to intimidate the poor Shadow rocking gently back and forth in the corner. The others in the room didn’t seem to notice, though, as they all talked amongst one another and even lit up a new joint to share. The pungent smell immediately slammed the Shadow in the corner like a truck. It infiltrated their nasal cavity and made them more nauseous than ever before. Their hand covered their mouth and they did their best to not look at the group in case the mere sight of the source would trigger their gag reflex. The music from outside was shaking too hard and the words felt much too loud in their inner ears like some kind of pressurizing system. It all bumped and shook and sent relentless shivers up the Shadow’s spine.

The Shadow could not see as the group’s attention turned to the door. A couple of them stood and went to the doorway, peeking out into the hall, and the recruit finally noticed. The group’s joint had been forgotten as they all gathered by the door. What felt like only a second later they were all scrambling around the room, shoving previous smokes into plastic bags to hide the smell and spraying an ungodly amount of air freshening spray to drown it out. Of course the beachy scent only gave the recruit in the corner an intense ache in the base of their neck. 

One of the stoners approached the Shadow, standing over them and saying something that sounded distorted to the point the recruit couldn’t understand. They stared, mouth open and pupils blown wide. The stoner’s words didn’t even penetrate their mind. Their heart rate went wild and the ache in their neck spread up to their temples and behind their ears. All that their mind could think of was how big this person was, standing over them and raising their voice about something. The idea that someone was upset because of them suddenly caused anxiety to prickle up into their shoulders and back. Thoughts raced through their head on double time trying to figure out what they did wrong as a frown crossed their face. 

Quickly the thoughts felt all-consuming. It was like every noise in the room was nothing compared to the thrum of their own heart in their ears and foreign voices like cursed whispers filled their head in an agonizingly loud cacophony. As their hands went up to cover their ears the stoner standing above them huffed in annoyance and stomped off. The Shadow on the floor rocked back and forth, glancing around as if they could find the source of all the noise. It wasn’t the group of people still panicking as they picked up the room, was it? When they spoke to one another was it about the Shadow in the corner? Did they look pitiful or were they, arguably even worse, some kind of nuisance? 

Though the swirling colors and the loud voices persisted, everything else stopped as a figure stood in the doorway. Behind him Shadows were in the hall panicking as they rushed around. 

It was Commander Graves. 

His brows pinched together and his fists clenched at his sides as he stood there. The group in the room stood stock still as they stared. Each of them was thinking the same thing. They all knew what Graves standing there meant. 

It was all over. 

No more after parties.

Some of them would likely get terminated.

Graves’s eyes scanned the room like he was assessing a room during a mission. The stoner didn’t dare make eye contact with him; their own gazes glued to the floor instead. It didn’t take long for Graves to see the Shadow huddled in the corner. They simply stared at him, brows pressed together and lips curled down in a pouty frown. The commander looked to the stoners and pointed to the high Shadow as he spoke. They couldn’t tell what he was saying, or what the stoners said in response, but Graves seemed immediately concerned as he looked at the Shadow again. The man didn’t bother even looking at the other Shadows as he barked some order. They all quickly nodded and exited the room, their collective “yup yup!” sounding loud and distorted in the high Shadow’s head. 

Once the others were gone he cautiously stepped towards the other Shadow. They stared up at him like he was some enigma. Or perhaps like he wasn’t real. 

“Hey now, y’hear me?” Graves asked quietly. He wasn’t one for drugs and had only chewed tobacco as a kid but he’d dealt with drugged up people before and knew a few things about helping. 

The Shadow merely tilted their head to the side in response, mouth not opening. Graves sighed and crouched down in front of them in an attempt to appear small. 

“Y’understand me?” He asked again. Once again the only response was the thousand yard stare and Graves’s shoulders sagged a little. He waddled forward a little, “C’mere, ‘m gonna help ya.”

Of course the warning was nothing when the Shadow was barely understanding anything happening around them nevertheless comprehending what was real or fake. Graves hesitated only a moment, worried that perhaps he was overstepping his authority and responsibility, before reaching to grab them. Their reaction was delayed and by the time they mumbled an incoherent babble of confusion Graves was already carrying them in his arms; their chin on his shoulder and their legs wrapped around his waist. His steady hands were gentle as they held the Shadow with a hand on their back and an arm under their rear. He was careful of their knees as he exited the room, awkwardly waddling sideways as to avoid a hit altogether. 

Once out in the hall he looked around, barked a few orders the Shadow in his arms couldn’t quite grasp, and began heading out of the hall. The Shadow could see their coworkers picking things up and cleaning the ruined floor. The lights were on, the strobes were off, the tables and speakers were being put away. A few Shadows stared after Graves and others were helping corral drunk and high Shadows alike into their rooms. 

It all disappeared as Graves rounded the corner and made his way into the dark hallways. The Shadow in his arms closed their eyes but the colors in their vision remained and the darkness gave them a strange feeling like everything was gone or perhaps not be there when their eyes opened again. Just as they’d started trying to reel their mind in, Graves interrupted their thoughts, “‘M gonna take care of ya, alright?”

The Shadow simply mumbled something quiet that resembled “yup yup” moments later. Graves couldn’t help but chuckle at the response. It was endearing for a reason he couldn’t quite pin. Something about one of his lethal little Shadows being subdued was simply too foreign to not catch his attention. Of course the reason was incredibly displeasing and all Graves could hope for was that they were going to end up alright in the end. 

The commander struggled with the knob to his personal barracks for just a moment before clicking the door open, shuffling inside, and then pulling the door closed behind him. His barracks were only slightly bigger than that of the Shadows. He designed the place but he sure wasn’t selfish with the power. Each room had its own shared bathroom with another and Graves simply had his own bathroom. Which, to be fair, was in fact quite grand. A large tub, a separate shower, and plenty of counter space. The entire room was decorated fairly scarcely with the only hint of Grave’s less military side being the hats and boots hidden away in his closet. Everything was some shade of grey or black, the entire room feeling like a pit of monotonous darkness besides the singular warm beside lamp clicked on from when he had woken up. 

He stared around at his room, supposedly thinking, before taking a deep breath and heading for his bathroom. Graves was careful as he sat the Shadow on the bathroom counter, standing in front of them to keep them in place with his hands resting on the counter on each side. They stared at him with that thousand yard stare look but strangely their blown out pupils made it almost look like they were enamored by Graves. The idea tickled him and the corner of his mouth quirked up just a little as he shook his head lightly. “You poor lil thing…” he sighed.

Graves observed the Shadow as their eyes lazily wandered the room. The movement was rhythmic like they were stuck in a cycle of staring at the tub behind Graves, then the carpet, then the shampoo bottles in the shower, then repeating once again. The commander frowned as he gently touched the back of his hand to their forehead to get a feel for their temperature. Of course they felt like they were overheating like some overrun generator. That wasn’t to mention the thin layer of sweat that had accumulated on their entire body, clinging to them grossly and emanating a smell like a weird mix of wet dog and sweaty child. Graves set his hand gently on their cheek, trying to get them to look at him. It took several seconds for their eyes to mosey on to meet his own. 

“Hey, can y’ talk to me?” he asked softly. There was no telling what they took or how much. From the symptoms it seemed like some kind of depressant and by the way they seemed barely aware of their surroundings they took quite a bit of it. 

The Shadow hummed so quiet it was nearly inaudible, “Yup yup…” Graves sighed with a hint of relief. At least they were somewhat still there. Considering the ‘yup yup’ they could probably recognize him. 

“Yer in a tough spot, soldier,” Graves explained. His thumbs gently rubbed their cheek bone back and forth before he noticed the unconscious movement moments later and moved his hand to the counter. “I’m gonna help you out, alright? That okay with you?”

Silent moments passed but Graves remained patient as he waited for an answer. Even as their lips parted but nothing came out he still stood there, head slightly tilted to the side, waiting for a response. The Shadow’s eyes caught the bright bathroom light and they groaned as they shoved their face down into Grave’s shoulder to hide from it, and slurred, “Yessir… yup yup…” 

Graves let out a little huff from his nose as his arms wrapped around them protectively. “I gotcha soldier.” His chin settled onto their shoulder and he mumbled quietly so as to not hurt their head, “‘M gonna take care of ya.”

He reluctantly let them go, pausing to be sure that they could sit up on their own, before heading for the large tub and beginning to run the water and dumping in some body wash just for the suds that would arise. He kept his hand under the tap just to be sure it wasn’t too hot or cold then shook it dry as he walked back over to the Shadow. “Gonna clean y’ up so you can get some good rest, alright?”

The Shadow, seeming to have come to their senses just a little, grumbled in acknowledgement. Graves nodded, more to himself than to the Shadow, and set his hands on their hips. He paused as his face heated up from the thought of what he was doing. Graves immediately slapped himself though, trying to steel his mind against it all. This wasn’t for his personal enjoyment. This was to take care of them. He took a deep breath and kept his eyes up on the ceiling as he assisted the Shadow with removing their clothes. Once he had their things folded and set to the side to be washed later he helped them down from the counter and held them up as they walked to the bath. Initially the Shadow grumbled, not wanting to leave their spot on the counter since the cold marble had finally grown warm, but as they felt the steam arising from the bath they quickly stopped protesting and slipped inside eagerly, head and shoulders just above the water.

Once sure the Shadow was settled Graves made quick work of changing into some random shorts in his closet so he wouldn’t get his pants wet. He sat on the edge of the rub, put his legs in the water on either side of the recruit, and let their head rest on his thighs. The Shadow seemed content simply sitting there soaking with a little smile on their face. Graves had a smile of his own as he reached down and cupped some water in his hands to pour over their head. He was careful to put a hand on their brow to prevent water in their eyes. Then he went for his bottle of shampoo and began to lather it in his hands. 

The Shadow leaned into his touch as he carefully scrubbed their scalp then proceeded to rinse the product out. His fingers on their scalp seemed to scratch some itch deep in their brain. Fresh-cut nails digging in to really get at the roots for a wash that felt borderline purifying. Graves carded through every section and got each and every little knot and tangle out. The room spelled like green apple as he continued on, the shampoo’s scent filling just about every cavity in the Shadow’s senses. Afterwards Graves gently scrubbed their body down, once again looking anywhere he could that wasn’t their body. His eyes kept away, instead taking great note of the grout between the floor tiles or the way the paint was textured on the ceiling. Anything to try and give the Shadow some semblance of privacy as he helped them. Oddly enough Graves didn’t struggle to navigate them despite not being able to see where his hands were. He pretended in his head that it was because it was simply his understanding of anatomy. Knowing where to strike a foe meant you had to know where everything else was as well. The commander knew, though, in the back of his head, that it was because he’d see this Shadow before. He’d found himself enraptured by their performance and physique. Their uniform always left much to the imagination but walking around base, with mere training gear on, he’d seen more of them and loved every bit. Graves had dreams of seeing this body, kissing every inch in pure reverence, and running his hands through their hair sweetly, just to make them feel loved.

The thought turned a little sour as Graves remembered why exactly he was here touching and seeing them. This was not quite the sweet union he’d imagined in his head. 

Graves heaved a heavy sigh as he shook his head. The Shadow below him was smiling wide with their head resting back onto his lap. Their eyes wandered around the ceiling and occasionally his face but had no true path. The nearly pitiful sight made all of Grave’s annoyance wash away as he cupped their cheek and smiled softly down at them. 

“Gonna get out now, alright? Get all warm n’ head to bed,” he whispered quietly down to them. They finally fixed their eyes on his and nodded with a mumble of approval. 

At that Graves carefully stood himself up and with one foot in the tub and another he assisted the Shadow out of the water. They shivered and grumbled uncomfortably as the cool air hit their wet skin, but Graves was quick to grab a towel and wrap them up. He held them close as they snuggled into the fabric and in turn pressed their face to his chest. Even as water dripped from their hair and soaked his shirt he didn’t protest. When they were dry except for their still dripping hair Graves sat them down on the counter, excusing himself for just a moment, before heading for his closet to grab something comfortable for both of them to sleep in. He emerged from his walk-in closet moments later with a simple hoodie and shorts with a drawstring for the Shadow and some sweats and a tee for himself. Graves was sure the clothes would probably be too big for the Shadow but he didn’t mind the idea of them cuddled up in the too-big clothes contentedly sleeping. A pang went through his chest at the thought so sweet and he went a little faster as he helped them dry their hair and the rest of their body before awkwardly assisting them in getting the fresh clothes on then getting changed himself.

Though the process took a while, when it was finally complete Graves was more than happy with the result he saw before him. His cute little Shadow sitting on the counter with their legs on either side of his waist. The commander’s hoodie was most definitely oversized for them but they seemed to enjoy it, flapping the extra length of the sleeves around like a child looking for mental stimulation. Graves chuckled and couldn’t bother holding down his smile, “Y’ sure don’t seem tired, now do ya? Still gotta rest, sug- soldier.”

Just like before the Shadow grumbled and nodded, “Yup yup..” 

“C’mon then, careful now,” Graves coaxed as he backed away to let them get down from the counter. With shaky legs like a newborn deer they stepped down. Graves took their hand and carefully guided them from the bathroom to the main room of his dorm. He turned the bathroom light off behind him as he went along.

“Yer doin’ great. Just a lil’ further now,” he praised in a low hum. The moment they reached his bed the Shadow practically collapsed down into the sheets. Graves panicked for a moment before seeing them wiggle their way into the blankets and tuck their face into the pillow. He was about to slip in alongside them when he paused. Hypothetically, waking up to your commander cuddled up next to you would be quite disturbing. Especially if you had, hypothetically, not remembered anything of the night prior. Instead of getting in bed with them Graves leaned down to tuck them in and, indulgently, leave a little peck to their forehead, before rummaging around under his bed until he found some extra blankets and pillows. He set himself up a pallet on the floor next to the bed. 

Just in case they were unable to sleep Graves stayed up for about an hour more. He was sitting up next to the edge of the mattress with his head propped up on his palm. His blue eyes searched their content face the entire time, taking note of every little twitch of their brow or slight movement in their lips. Anything that might mean they were stirring awake made his shoulders tense in anticipation, ready to jump in and help them settle back to sleep. 

They never once stirred but did once mumble something Graves could not make out. He eventually passed out in his silent vigil, but seeing their face as he closed his eyes was all he needed to sleep soundly through just like his Shadow did. 

[damarassanctuary]

btw i dont know if you knew this but i made an art cover piece for the recently released HS fan album Fondly Regard Illustration! this one ^u^

which was then turned by the incredibly talented yuuDii into this amazing track, Measured Vengeance

little fun fact/story behind the piece also bc i assume some of you might recognize that its an edit of this Lord Demoness fanart i made last year, which i actually made because of the album!

so that piece wasn't my original submission for a cover art, but instead a second attempt kinda at the same concept, the original piece (which i made back in early 2024 and never posted anywhere before) was this one:

i drew this before the Lord Megido fanart which is how i thought of the concept initially, as sort of a follow up to an older drawing of Damara wearing only the Cairo Overcoat, but building up more on the idea of her overtaking LE, and adding now hints of her having dealt also with Scratch and HIC. i loved the idea, just didnt like how this composition came out for multiple reasons (LE skull being too small, not fitting properly in the canvas, her expression not fully convincing me, the way i drew her hair looking a little off (this was before i started drawing hers and her pre Scratch self's hair kinda differently), and just not finding the composition that interesting in general) yet i submitted the piece anyway trying to ignore all of that. months later tho it inspired me to redraw the concept, but improving on all of that, also considering i'd not have to worry on it being 1:1 canvas measurements. cue the Lord 'Mara fanart:

which is funnily enough still nowadays one of my favorite drawings of Damara i've made. also i kept the same headcanon timeline of her kicking some of the HS villains' ass and then taking over the Felt Mansion for some other Damara drawings. i nicknamed that version of Damara as Lord Megido:

so yea eventually i asked if it'd be ok to use an edited version of that fanart as the cover art instead since i liked more how that one came out, it was ok, so i did ^u^

also this was actually the fourth idea i had for a piece for the album, after considering drawing Damara in her Sailor Moon cosplay, a Dampor piece and something Psycholonials related, yet ultimately decided sweet precious Demoness doesn't have nearly enough fan music, so i settled on this one ^u^

so yea that's how Equestria was made, thanks for listening. go listen to the Fondly Regard Illustration album bc its full of fire pieces, both visual art pieces as well as musical art pieces (also a friend of mine also made a piece for one of the tracks, Connection to be more specific), and have the nice day ^u^

[otori0]

talent and expectations | arturo giles rant

I was really hesitant to post this here, but it has been a while since I've posted an analysis and I feel like Arturo isn't talked enough, so why not. This was written on a twt thread that was meant for me and one friend so it's a bit messy. Also take into account that we're lacking a lot of info on him so none of this is my definitive opinion and I'm sure my thoughts will change and develop when more DRDT releases. And like in all my rants, this is just my opinion and interpretation, and I 100% respect other different perspectives!

VERY messy, very incoherent thoughts and opinions.

Much like David, Teruko, Arei and Ace, among other DRDT characters, Arturo is another example of a person who closed themselves off emotionally to the point of losing empathy because they dont want to face their issues. I feel like the fandom fails to see this because he's the icky one, the one that makes people uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with Arturo's actions, he IS a weirdo, but I think it's a shame that he isn't as understood and talked about as the other characters who fall into this. I would even say that this is a huge part of DRDT's message. You have to open yourself up to others and trust, you have to face your reality, and so on.

Arturo outright denies what happened with his sister because he can't handle the guilt that would come to admit that he had some sort of responsibility over his sister's suicide. If we take his word for it, his sister commited suicide because of him leaving to make his own life (although I don't doubt there's more to it), which he absolutely rejects and denies to the point of threatening Eden. This comes from the extreme distress the situation gives him. He often shows being emotionally closed off, being extremely evasive of his issues, and a lack of empathy constant through the game that is in no small part because of this. Because if you hate and reject others and don't even stop to consider the effect your words has on them, then your mind is at peace and you don't have to face these flaws. It's like they don't even exist- just like Arturo himself says, they're all below human to him. In return, he seems deeply affected by J's rejection and attitude, so it's easy to assume that he is generally affected by other people's actions, just shuts that down more often than not. Arturo is a mess, he's full of contradictions, but this is not all that surprising considering his life until now.

We know that all DRDT characters are over 18, but Arturo is specifically 18. As far as I know, Min has mentioned being 18 on her bonus episode, so considering a few years should have passed, she is probably above 18, or exactly 18. Either way, this makes Arturo one of the youngest, if not the youngest in the cast. And yet, I feel like the fandom fails to see this sometimes and always expect better from him— which is another focal point of his character, in my opinion, and the next point i want to go into. Just like the meme says, I feel like a lot of people have fallen for the character's facade that's meant to be dismantled by the viewer, much like David's lies (I will keep bringing him up bc he's the easiest to compare, but this applies to many other characters, which makes me believe even more that it's the case for Arturo too).

I believe the point of Arturo's characterization is that your talent doesnt translate to actual ability when faced with certain situations, and also, that intelligence doesnt translate to maturity. This is more easily seen in David and his complex relationship with his speech persona and the world as a whole, but that's a different topic that many people have already delved into and not the point of this rant. (I will sidetrack for a second to say that one of my favorite things about DRDT is how you can make some sort of connection between almost any duo of characters, it's really interesting to me how they're all just constantly projecting their issues onto each other despite how much they have in common). But we can still see it on Arturo, especially with his attitude during the trial when he doesn't see himself as able to save Levi, of course he doesn't, he's young and doesn't have the type of experience the others assume he has. Adding to this that Arturo started studying ONLY plastic surgery since he was 12, it's easy to assume that he hasn't grown up normally, even more if he did actually leave his house to pursue his studies. I believe that Arturo's immaturity (despite his intelligence) comes from here.

Part of me hopes that Arturo doesn't get a redemption arc like Arei, I hope he doesnt get redeemed at all, because a lot of people can only sympathise when a character shows the specific emotions they can sympathise with (fear, sadness and regret, mostly) but as soon as they break that mold, there's a lack of willingness to sympathise and understand them (I have a separate rant on my twt priv about how characters who display anger instead of sadness are way more disliked and misunderstood, if anyone wants me to post it I'll think about it, although it's even more personal than this one). I think it'd be more interesting if he takes a different direction, although I'm definitely very curious to see how will Ace's words affect him in the future, and whether Levi lives or dies.

Lastly, although obviously DRDT is a fangan and not an official game, I think it's important to remember one of the core aspects of Danganronpa when discussing DRDT, which is how talents affect people's lives and personalities. This is easily seen in many DRDT characters so I won't go too into it aside from Arturo. We have characters whose whole personalities were shaped around their talent (Junko being the biggest example, but many others come to mind), and I believe Arturo is another example of this that goes unnoticed. Veronika herself has theorized that Arturo's initial slight aversion towards ugliness, before it was an actual issue, was worsened by his talent. Obviously Veronika isn't Arturo, but judging by his reaction and her talent to pinpoint people's deepest issues, we can assume this is true to an extent. This also connects to Arturo's quote about Mai: ''A girl who sees the beauty in everyone''. So there's definitely more to his personality than meets the eye, and as ''weird'' (i hate the use of that word esp in fandom spaces) as he is, I don't think he's all that worse or hard to comprehend than the rest.

My original rant stopped here so I don't really know how to end it. But I hope it was interesting!

[piratefern]

SWAP AU!!!

Implied Innuendo in the art btw teehee

Mentioned this one one of my last posts, thought I’d go through with it :3

This is a swap of the characters personalities, not environments/upbringings, and won’t swap things like sexualities or neurodivergencies, so Hasel is still queer, autistic and demisexual and Dyo is still gay and has ADHD

(however, Hasel in this au identifies with being bi and Dyo with being queer, as the labels were determined based upon their own schema and experiences and perceptions of the world. In the original au, Hasel doesn’t identify with specific labels as he doesn’t understand them, but Dyo identifies with being gay, so the feelings towards label’s would swap with their personalities :3)

Because of the personality swap, the progression and narrative of the story would be completely different

Hasel, on one hand, instead of being a doctor in his past life he would have worked in the theatre. This way him, his wife and his child would have died from the black death, however upon Hasel being resurrected by his child’s dying wish he wouldn’t relate the vine to being an illness, and because it was never his job to find a cure for them in the first place he wouldn’t have any reason to blame himself for their deaths, he’d rather just find it hard to cope instead. So personality wise he’d now go partying and drinking to deal with his issues and would likely be a functioning alcoholic, slightly different to original au Dyo who liked partying and drinking to cope with his immortality, but wasn’t an alcoholic. This Hasel wouldn’t be forging any sort of romantic or platonic relationship with others, and would be hesitant to get too close to people as he’s convinced the same thing will happen again, and being demi he wouldn’t have interacted with others that way either, making him entirely isolated. As a result he’s egotistical and boastful to protect himself, possibly more so than original Dyo. His feathers reflect Dyo’s style more and he’s still wearing the Tybalt shirt, however since he’s a bird monster (and it made the design more aesthetically appealing) he doesn’t have the undershirt or shoes.

He does, however, have bandages on his hands to prevent him from insta killing those around him. In the original au Hasel’s death touch and heal touch are narratively used in relation to him learning to accept his family’s deaths, as he believes its used to cure those with the vine, but it turns out the vine was only a guide for him to help or comfort those on their deathbeds. However, for swap Hasel, the death touch and the vine work better as a metaphor for Hasel learning to accept his family is gone, and instead of being enwrapped in death he should look towards the light, which works as swap dyo being this light as the death touch can’t kill a dead body/his vessel hehe

Dyo is this swap au is very reserved, his cloak resembling a jester hat and his clothes under the cloak being Alagaddian. He also has long hair which is always tied back (until when hes more comfortable being himself) and doesn’t have a visible mouth, (instead Hasel having a mouth to alter their expressiveness). A funny detail is that his handwriting is still really bad in the swap au so nobody can read his notes, not even him LMAO Dyo was invested in medicine and the field of science, studying what he could from odd textbooks that appeared from the pockets to Earth around Alagadda. He would have been chased out for the same reason, however he would have come to the conclusion about being manipulated by those around him himself having Hasel’s personality, rather than Hasel having to “heal” him in order to realise he was being controlled. This way he escapes by himself, but the link of Hasel traveling to Alagadda and fixing the portal never exist as he is never looking for a “cure”

Because of this, when Dyo arrives in Greece 2000 years in the past, he doesn’t forge a now identity for himself, he just doesn’t know who he is, and because there is no reason for the portal to be built he never finds out what that identity is, so his story is learning to come to terms with his amnesia and accepting that he won’t figure out what or where he came from. But because of this he is very reserved, he never got close to anyone, just like swap Hasel, as he doesn’t feel like he can trust anyone if he doesn’t even know who he is. So he travels searching for new discoveries where he can, usually in the fields of biology and botanical studies of herbs

But because of this, Hasel and Dyo don’t stick together, I know! Don’t panic, they just don’t travel together hehe. Since Hasel has Dyo’s personality, and because of Hasel’s environmental differences and circumstances, he has no intentions of being close with Dyo, and Dyo, being reserved and non trusting, has no intentions of being close with Hasel.

So instead of favouring my “they live throughout the ages together” narrative, the swap au favours the “they’re imortal beings that end up bumping into eachother every other era”, which is a dynamic I love, kind of like Riversong and the doctor (but thats more timetravelly), however its not based upon them at all ive only just thought of them now LMAO

So in the swap au, instead of Dyo following Hasel around and Hasel slowly warming up to his company, Dyo and Hasel now keep meeting at random times, slowly understanding they’re both immortal beings. Everytime they bump into eachother they stay travelling for more and more time, eventually they look forward to seeing eachother and think about the other when they’re away, and its eventually an unspoken mutual love between them, not officially dating but both only ever interested in the other

until eventually they go to split ways again. At this point Hasel can not deal with the relationship, he really wants to be with Dyo forever and, being immature, he doesn’t know how to express his feelings appropriately, he’s also scared he’ll lose him and terrified of the rejection that could ensue if Dyo doesn’t want to remain travelling together, so Hasel panics, in Venice, in the 19th century, near an abandoned house… and if this sounds familiar then you’ll know he seals him inside for the foundation to find two centuries later hehe

so eventually Dyo is collected by the foundation and so is Hasel, they realise they’re both there, Hasel desperately tries to avoid Dyo and Dyo desperately tries to talk to him because he is MAD, like REALLY MAD LMAO they fight, Hasel apologises but doesn’t explain himself, they start talking to eachother and reminiscing, and eventually Hasel talks to Dyo about an escape plan, that they could run away together, Dyo confronts him, he flings his arms open and a ring accidentally falls out of his pocket, you- you got married?! No! Dyo shouts, you stole that chance from me two centuries ago, I was going to-… I was going to ask you to stay with me. Forever. Hasel realises he has to be truthful about what he did, furthmore he realises exactly what he did, and that he was worrying about rejection for nothing, they make up properly, they try to escape, Dyo stops running, Hasel asks why? Because. He pauses, looking up at the cameras on the walls at the entrance, because they will always find us. There is nowhere for us to go, Hasel starts crying, he breaks down knowing hes right, he runs, Dyo follows after him into the woods, the floor outside is slick with rain, Hasel keeps running, Dyo follows, Hasel slips and falls

but he disappears where the ground should have been. Dyo grabs for the leaves on the muddied floor but theres no trace, he breaks down, confused; dragged away by facility guards

So he gets questioned, he doesn’t know where he went, he stays at the facility and is permitted to read books in the library, he tries to find out what happened, he finds a book on the pockets to alagadda and a conceptual portal to get back, he wonders whether he should even try to find him, but he wants to, eventually he’s forced to make friends in order to collect parts to make a portal, making him less ostracised, and once he does hes flooded with memories of his past, he shuts it off trying to cope, he has to jump through because the facility guards are closing in, his friends shut off the portal once he’s inside and burn the book, by his request.

im not sure what should happen between that but eventually he finds him, learns about himself and has to relearn his acceptance that he would never find out who he was, and “removes” his family from the throne, and he and Hasel live happily ever after as rulers of Alagadda to avoid the foundation, huurraaayyyy! And get married, hhuurraaaaayyyyy!

but yeah thats what I think a swap au of them would look like :3 Things like Hasel’s monster form can be fit in their somewhere n such :3 They both talk with the same accents and language, but their au counterparts swap the way they speak, so Hasel is more flirtatious and sometimes clumsy with his speech and swears more than original au Hasel, but Dyo is more eloquently spoken and doesn’t use crude language, but when he does it’s British rather than french lexis, cause hes not, well, french LMAO

[utilitycaster]

when you say ‘this wasn’t the intended campaign’ in your last post, do you mind please explaining what you’re referring to? it’s been a while since i’ve watched the wrap up, and i think i only really remember matt saying he thought they’d join the side of the empire more. i’m sure you’re absolutely correct, i trust you knowledge over my memory! but it would be great to hear what the ‘intended’ campaign was in your opinion

Sure - so I do not know the exact specs of Matt's intentions because this was a much more open-ended campaign anyway, but part of it is the Empire plot you allude to - he expected the party to work with the Augen Trust and that it would be a pretty significant part of the campaign (to the point where he had an extended guest role for Matt Colville planned). He also had planned for Lucien to be a campaign-long recurring enemy, trying to get his body back from Molly, and he was always intended to be the endgame villain.

I was talking this over with some mutuals and like, pretty much all of that except the specifics of Aeor (which make sense as a later-game reveal anyway; the draw is a combination of Caleb's interests and the party's investment in Lucien) was already seeded by episode 20 or so. What I suspect but cannot confirm happened was that when the party decided to take jobs for the Gentleman instead Matt planned to let them finish out those jobs and then draw them to the the Empire via other means - Lucien would make sense to strike in Shady Creek Run,, perhaps moving up the attack on Felderwin to give the party reason to accept a job with the Augen Trust - and then the coast stuff would have come up rather later. But Molly died, and I think that scuttled Matt's ideas so hard he sort of let the party go where they wanted (he also did introduce the idea of Avantika immediately after Molly's death), and they ended up going there both to spend time with Jester's mom and also accidentally stealing a pirate ship, and then the party followed the Felderwin attack but had coalesced and their feelings on the Empire strengthened such that they went to Xhorhas instead, and I think at that point he realized this party had sufficient drive that he just needed to give them gentle nudges, and then bring down the hammer at an opportune moment to arrange peace talks, which would introduce Vess, and she'd be the hook to get them to Aeor and then they'd find out about Lucien and go into the same approximate arc there. I also think that a number of interesting choices (stealing the beacon in this episode, for example) made the party more sympathetic and intrigued by the Dynasty much earlier on.

So yeah I suspect in short the intended game in the sense of "what Matt had planned, roughly, in early 2018" had them working with the empire and learning a lot more about Lucien earlier on (and having to dodge him as an ongoing enemy). But it still works because the characters were so well crafted and motivated, and because ultimately the overarching goal of the campaign was to explore Wildemount, introduce some key concepts and figures, and generally build out the world - and also prove that they weren't just a one-trick pony with Vox Machina. So they were able to stray from that story because Matt was able to give them a lot of free rein and show the war from a different perspective, which is very cool!

[ravenssunshine]

avemygo wakaremichi day one review partly as an american solo traveler 20 year old woman (who speaks japanese) and partly as a fucking lesbian

i’ve lived in japan for 4 months now (leaving next month :( ) and knowing japanese was absolutely essential to navigating the venue and directions. typically people try and speak to me in english as i am very white but this did not happen here, presumably because the venue was PACKED. completely sold out show. this was perfectly fine for me but if you don’t speak japanese be aware!

the venue was run very efficiently for how packed it was. merch pickup was scheduled ahead of time so i got to buy my stuff online (not good, spent too much) and picked it up at a designated hour. the show was also dismissed by row which was very funny to me. it was like elementary school

as i expected, most attendees were men in their 30s. sort of an uncomfortable experience for me as a 20 year old woman but i didn’t have any weird experiences we were all just there for avemygo :). however there was 0 line for the women’s bathroom which was awesome because i have never experienced that at a concert before (my previous shows have been fall out boy and taylor swift (both x2, both in the us) )

to my surprise however i came across quite a few visibly queer people! a couple of trans women, including the person sitting next to me. she let me use one of her light sticks which was awesome ❤️ so bandori IS still for the lgbts in japan. just also the straight men

you are NOT allowed to take photos or videos. no one attempted it. kind of loved living in the moment though

people don’t really sing along? i did though i couldn’t help it 💀 i tried to keep it quiet hopefully i didn’t bother the people next to me

they played clips from the anime throughout the set and this specific show followed the trajectory of the ave mujica anime. it was really cool i lost my shit watching akane yonezawa rip the masks off of each ave mujica member. my lesbian commentary is i am fully in love with her

onto my own personal experiences:

sumimi was SO cute live. love love love them im so happy they were included

mygo played the first set after sumimi and to my surprise i burst into tears as soon as the first vote was played. full on sobbing. i’ve freaked out over every avemygo related thing ive come across in japan over the also four months so i guess i shouldn’t be THAT surprised? but oh my god. i was desperately choking back tears

the sets alternated between mygo and ave mujica, four songs at a time

crychic performed in the middle in their middle school uniforms and i cried a bit then as well

then mygo performed their version of haruhikage and the difference in tomori’s voice during the crychic set and the mygo set was so cool. youchan i love you

after the mygo set they played the audio from the post haruhikage crashout but didn’t actually include the “why did you play haruhikage?!” line so someone in the audience shouted it. it was funny

back to youchan. i’ve talked about how i think sasaki rico currently has the strongest vocals in bandori but oh my god youmiya hina live is an incredible contender. she sustained some high notes for a LONG time and it was awesome. maybe it’s experience performing live over the last few years but those early mygo videos on the bandori youtube channel do NOT give her justice. oh my god. MY GOD.

as previously established i am in love with akane yonezawa. every time they showed her on the drums i lost my shit. that woman is an incredible drummer and a fantastic performer. she might just be nyamu irl

my one disappointment is that they didn’t play any covers but with a combined live and a mission to retell the anime i’m not Too surprised. maybe they will tonight? idk i’m not going i did not get tickets for both days

the girls broke character at the end for the thank you segment and they are so cute irl as well. loved it. losing my mind

ok that’s all i think thanks for reading it you did but also this was kind of just for me. here are my daughters outside and at the venue

[goawaypopup]

Look Outside Posting Part 5.5

Something fishy is going on around here. Hold onto your asses, this is going to be my most earth-shattering theory yet.

The blue people are few, but they are present just about everywhere, and they're unmistakable when they're still human. Papineau. Xaria. Jeanne. Possibly Mutt (who's bluer in his overworld sprite). A suspicious number of blue mutants.

I don't think this can be wholly attributed to lighting or artstyle. The lighting is a little bluer in the hallway, for instance, but people who aren't blue are still not blue there when the door is opened. In the overworld, blue party members are still that color. The difference is pretty stark in the scenes where blue and nonblue people are side by side.

Take Claire as an example - she's partially blue, found in the same place as Jean-Pierre, and her not-blue patches are the same tone as him, but he isn't blue in the slightest.

What's more, it can't be a Visitor thing at all. Papineau and Xaria are not witnesses. Everybody finds it totally unremarkable and not worth commenting on - except, crucially, for Roaches, who sees fit to call Papineau "bIG BluE mAN". They can all see it, it's just NORMAL.

Okay. People can just be blue in Look Outside world. Why not? I mean, the astronomers have pretty unusual eye colors. It's just a thing that happens, I guess.

......but like, why?

I'm sure we can figure this out. Let's see now...

Blue skin is not unheard of in the real world, though it's waaay less common than "multiple normalized instances per apartment building".

The first way this has been known to happen is methemoglobinemia, a condition that's famously associated with the Blue Fugates, a Kentucky family from the 1800s who carried multiple copies of the gene for it.

With this condition, you produce a lot of methemoglobin - a faulty version of hemoglobin that incorporates iron ions in a different state than they're supposed to be, making it unable to bind to oxygen and do its job. The blood of someone with high methemoglobin is brownish, and the skin can take on a blue tone. Levels higher than that also cause adverse symptoms like headaches, seizures, and poor coordination.

This is unlikely to be the culprit, though. The last "blue" Fugate ceased to be blue in the 1900s, as by then they weren't as isolated and were getting medical care that cleared up their symptoms. Even if the gene was extremely common in Look Outside, the medication that treats it is readily available. The striking blue skin tone also seems to mostly happen with white people, and it wouldn't look anywhere near as noticeable with the majority POC residents of the apartment.

The other real-world possibility is something like argyria.

Pictured here is Paul Karason, a man best known for his extensive use of colloidal silver, an alternative medicine, in the belief that it treated a variety of health conditions. He's the most famous example of this condition, having taken it for about two decades.

Silver compounds are pretty harmless as far as we know, but taking them long-term causes them to be build up in deposits in the skin, gradually shifting it to a blue-grey.

It being a common individual choice in the setting would make some sense, and the gradual build-up would explain why some like Claire and Papineau aren't totally blue yet. (It might also mean Monty has it too, as he's sort of mildly bluish-grey?) Depending on the cultural context for it, I could see that being something Papineau would do as a traditional thing or for similar "health" reasons, and Xaria and Monty might do as a counterculture thing.

I don't think we have enough to say it's this one specific substance, of course. The shade doesn't really match exactly, Xaria is awfully young to have been taking colloidal silver for years, and I don't think there's any other signs that Look Outside was some kind of alternate timeline prior to the cataclysm.

But I do think the mechanism, normalized use of some substance that builds up in the skin, goes some way toward a possible explanation here.

[otakpocky131522]

It would seem that I can’t be free of Buck/Tommy and baking thoughts, so here is a sort of addition/mostly a deep dive about one line of my earlier post. So here’s them doing the novel act of communicating! about the baking. Reading the first post definitely isn’t necessary for this one.

Considering the last person who made desserts specifically for him was his mother, with clumsy attempt at a homemade birthday cake when he was 10 years old, Tommy’s feeling a little overwhelmed by all the desserts Evan’s been making recently. When they first got back together, after their ill-fated hook up, he was charmed by the treats Evan gifted him on every date (and now Tommy had frequent cravings for lemon-blueberry muffins, but he was doing a great job at keeping that a secret, thank you very much). A few months into their relationship, Evan had started cutting back on the baked goods, typically saving it for special occasions. It had months since the last time Evan had even picked up a whisk and that was when he made lava cakes for Mara’s first sleepover.

Sure, there’d been an increase in the baking around memorable events, like their first date, Eddie’s move back from Texas, the 118’s first gathering at Bobby and Athena’s new house, and their six month anniversary. The most impressive had been a show-stopping, three-tiered cake around their first “I love you’s”. But Evan had been baking almost religiously for the past week and showed no signs slowing down. Which left Tommy anxiously remembering the times he baked like he was trying to escape from something, just before any serious conversation, like before he asked Tommy to try again, or move in, or meet the infamous Buckley parents.

And now Tommy is spiraling on his couch over why his boyfriend is feeling the need to rely on his favorite coping mechanism right now. Instead of just…talking to him. Which was ridiculous. Tommy can do this. He stole government property twice and got a medal for it once. He managed to evade jail time and suspension both times. He reconnected with his old army buddies who ragged on him for “losing” to the army pilots despite all his experience. He could survive a conversation with his partner.

Leaning across the kitchen table, he opens with, “You know, I’d still be here, even without all the bribes.”

Even without the way Buck tenses up, Tommy would have known the quip didn’t land right by the way he looked so shocked and hurt.

“Didn’t realize I needed to bribe my boyfriend to get him to hang out with me?”

‘Well, this went south quicker than expected,’ he can’t help but think. Evan is already feeling defensive and Tommy can feel himself instinctively responding in kind. Tommy still isn’t great at talking about emotional things yet, but he loosens his clenched jaw to try and savage this. Manages to push out, “Sorry, you just sound stressed when you’re running late because something is taking a little bit longer in the oven or hasn’t fully cooled yet. I assumed it was…well, a lot.”

“A lot—“. Oh look, just made it a thousand times worse.

“Evan-“ “-how long have you been thinking that I’m a lot?” “You know that’s not what I meant-“ “Do I?”

“Yes! Sweetheart, you know I love everything about you. I love the research spirals. I love how excited you get about learning. I love how you try to find out everything even remotely relevant to your current crisis because you want to fully consider every possible angle. I love that you take every opportunity to try and be better and you work so hard at it. I love how much of yourself you pour into everything you do. I don’t love seeing you worry so much. And you just seem so worried every time you bake. You know you can just talk to me right? We never get it right at first, but we end up somewhere perfect together, right?”

Oh, there goes the tension. ‘Oh thank Jesus.’

“Sorry. I know. But I really do enjoy the baking. I like taking care of you. I like that I can make something that makes you happy. Yes, I’ve noticed the massive sweet tooth by the way. But you’re great at cooking and don’t need me to take care of you like that. And I’m sure all the neighbors know by now that we are not compatible when we try to cook together. But with the baking, it’s something only I can do and it’s just for you.”

“Yes, but you know I love you for more than what you can provide right? You don’t have to bring something to the table,” Tommy asks, eyebrows raised pointedly. “This was kinda my point about the bribe. I love you. I love hanging out with you. It makes me so happy just to talk to you that I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Evan takes a few breaths and takes the time to process that, in a way he knows their therapist is going to be so proud of at their next appointment. After putting the brownies he was working on in the oven, he takes a seat beside him at the table.

“I understand that and you know I love and adore you baby.” Evan laughs at the way Tommy’s nose scrunches lightly at the endearment. “But I still love being able to be the only one who makes you happy this way. Plus it’s meditative for me.”

“Meditative? That precarious piles of dishes, the four different scales, and the four timers you’ve got set up is meditative?”

Reflexively, Evan responds with a, “hey, don’t mock the process.” Takes a beat to think before continuing, “and yes, it’s meditative. There’s a precise method to each recipe, perfectly organized, logical steps, and a reason behind everything. It feels like it tricks my mind into being more organized and purposeful, and during the downtime while I wait, it gives me a chance to actually reflect and plan before I speak. So I’m more sure of myself and what I want whenever we sit down to talk. Plus the sense of accomplishment is phenomenal, and the look on your face when you’re eating the results certainly doesn’t hurt,” he ends with the charming wink.

“Huh. Meditative then. So…you’re not baking to cope with any anxiety about us talking? Like, you’re not baking away any worries that I’ll walk out again?”

The absolutely bewildered expression and the unbelievably judgmental eyebrows instills such an instant, deep sense of shame in Tommy and very soundly shuts down any lingering doubts, even before Evan gets out, “Tommy, I love you, but what kind of nonsense is that? You’ve proven several times over that you’re in this to stay now. You’ve done great at our therapy sessions. And you’ve definitely reinforced that you’ll always come back if I call. I’m not worried about you leaving forever.”

Shoulders hunched, Tommy quietly manages, “I told you, I don’t love seeing you stressed and you always seem so frazzled. So why put yourself through that if you’re not worried about the conversation. But please put away the eyebrows, you got your point across.”

Getting up, with a gentle smirk on his face, he says “Good. Now I’m going to work on the next recipe. And don’t worry, it’s your favorite muffins, I found the best blueberries at the farmer’s market this weekend.”

….Busted. Oh well. Tommy’s more than happy to be live his life spoiled by someone as amazing as Evan Buckley.