#sorry to start discourse but just had me thinking about it

[rekikiri]

hi I’m possibly about to offend some people here so if you have a problem then maybe skip bc I’m discussing thea and roland.

I’ve seen people who talk negatively about kevin and thea’s relationship because of the age gap (which yes, same for me as well). BUT some of those people don’t have that same energy towards andrew and roland

andrew and roland are so much worse than kevthea. andrew was 17 when they began hooking up, had to tie his hands so he wouldn’t push against his boundaries. thea was (presumably) the same age as roland (22-23). so the age gap is bigger AND we have confirmation that roland wasn’t respecting andrew’s boundaries??? and yet there are people who are against kevthea but not the other?

idk. maybe it’s me projecting how much I personally hate roland here but if you condemn kevthea but not andrew/roland that’s a big yikes to me

[saffrongymleader]

🫒

[aliceoseman]

s3 dealt with some more mature themes than s1&2 did, did you struggle with that in any way or did it feel like a natural development for the characters? especially since heartstopper has been praised specifically for being a "wholesome" show basically from the start, did you find it in any way daunting to write (more) sex and alcohol into the show?

(Upon reading this back, I have only talked about sex, not alcohol, very sorry!! Also this gets really off topic but this was the only question I received about sex in the show and I have a lot to say that I just didn't get asked about at all in any promo interviews, so... Here I shall word vomit!!)

Short answer: Yes, I struggled, but not with the writing of the story - just with the general discourse about sex/no sex in Heartstopper, since the beginning of the show.

Long answer:

It wasn't something I struggled with when writing the comic. I always knew that Heartstopper would get to that point - that it would grow up alongside the characters - but the general cultural view of the show as 'wholesome' vs. the criticism of it for being 'puritanical' and 'sexless' has definitely made me feel quite anxious about how these maturer elements would be interpreted by people in the show.

I never saw Heartstopper as 'wholesome' when I started creating the comic. The first chapter of the comic leads to a scene featuring assault, and the story deals heavily with mental health and bullying. The comic has swearing throughout. Whether the story was 'wholesome' was simply not a topic of discourse before the TV show released - I knew it was uplifting and optimistic, of course, but only in the same way that most YA romance stories are. So the public declaration of the Heartstopper show as 'wholesome' - as its defining characteristic and unique selling point - did take me by surprise. I'd had to remove the swearing from the story, but aside from that, I couldn't really understand what was different with the show compared to the comic, and why this was its defining feature. And then of course some of the conversation shifted to the fact that in S1 and S2, there's no sex.

This too confused me. I always felt the sexual attraction between N&C was obvious from the start, and sex itself was introduced into the story at the time I felt was right for the characters, with no real thought as to whether the audience would agree with me. People hardly ever pointed out the lack of sex in the comic - it's very, very normal for YA fiction romances to not feature sex, and in fact, it's actually pretty common for teen movies and shows to not feature sex, certainly when they skew towards younger teens as Heartstopper did in S1 and S2. But for some reason, when the Heartstopper show came around, people really, really noticed the lack of sex, and I was very surprised by that reaction. I wonder if it was because people weren't accustomed to that in queer TV, or if it was because people liked N&C so much as a couple and desperately wanted to see them take that step, or just because people felt it was broadly unrealistic for a teen couple to wait a little while before feeling ready to have sex. Perhaps it was all. But whatever it was, it caused some... outcry!

(I could go into arguments as to whether it is morally correct or generally realistic for N&C to wait before having sex in the story, but ultimately I think people's opinion on that varies heavily depending on their worldview and personal experience, and there's no right answer - people can like it or not like it and that's completely fine, not every tv show is for everyone - but the one thing I would say is that I think it shows young readers/viewers that it's OKAY to not be ready, and how to have that conversation with your partner, and I think that's a really, really good and helpful thing for young people)

Fortunately for those who were distressed by the lack of sex in the show, and for me who was anxious about all of that criticism, I'd been planning for the story to reach that stage pretty soon anyway. It honestly made me relieved that it was going to be introduced, if only to reassure people that I wasn't pretending sex doesn't exist or that I, as an asexual, was spreading some sort of anti-sex agenda (seemed to be a common refrain among those who find it particularly annoying that I'm ace). But mainly - I'd always known this would be a really important step in N&C's journey, and I wanted to do it justice, and I felt I had done so in the comic, but with the TV show came all of those opinions and discourse, so I was much more nervous about it and spent a lot of time during the writing process trying to figure out how people would feel about it. An impossible task, and before S3 released, I had no idea what the reaction would be.

In the end it was pretty anti-climactic - it got hyped up a bit too much in the early promo for S3, and then the general consensus was that the sex in the show was shown with a very light touch, and some people thought that was a good thing and others did not. And people still call the show sexless and puritanical, so it didn't really solve that issue. (I'm just not sure what those people really expected to happen - obviously they are not going to suddenly start fucking on screen in a show that's been previously marketed for the 12-16 age bracket, guys, let's use our brains here) Personally, I'm really proud of how that element of the story turned out. I think the scenes are really beautiful and feel totally right for the tone of the story, and have let the show mature without suddenly becoming an entirely different show.

This has been a long answer but I think what I'm trying to say is this: the 'mature' vs 'wholesome' scale of Heartstopper is something that has never been a topic of discourse for the comic. But it has been front and centre for the show, and certainly is something that has caught me off guard and caused me some anxiety, because I do see the criticism and it does hurt, and at times feels incredibly personal. But at the end of the day, I'm just telling a story, and the things that happen will happen at the time I feel is right for the characters. I just want to tell the story that I've set out to tell, and I intend to keep doing so until it is done.

If we get a S4, and indeed now that I am working on Vol 6, I am thinking much less about how the audience might react to the sex in the story, and am simply just writing/drawing what feels emotionally and dramatically right for the story and characters. And that feels much more creatively freeing!

[evelynvipah]

I believe there’s a serious conversation to be had about people vehemently shooting down masculine cait readings when the show not only goes out of its way to avoid using very strict labels, but also loves to explore certain dynamics and subversive tropes within these stories.

Like I’m sorry but Caitlyn is not your hyperfeminine (femme) princess who needs an overly masculine (butch) knight to do every little thing for her, to protect and save her as if she’s a damsel in distress. She is princely, and deliberately so. No one is taking away her femininity, but a lot of you guys take away her obvious masculinity as well.

The way y’all act about these characters, the policing in this fandom truly needs to stop. It’s ridiculous and it is always based on huge mischaracterizations that do such a disservice to the amazing writing. Feel how you want, but a lot of you need to do some serious self-reflecting and bias checking because this need to force these labels (that aren’t a problem in itself, but more in how they’re taken and utilized against others) is insane to me.

Stop harassing people about their different opinions and views of these characters, stop trying to shut down thought-provoking conversations because YOU don’t like it, especially if it’s talking about things that are actually within the characters. If you do not agree or like, just don’t engage. Stop making yourself miserable, my god.

Edit: and before yall start, this isn’t a convo on if caitvi are butch/femme, the way yall (not everyone obviously) even use those labels to reinforce such harmful rhetorics just pmo. It always shows up in the top/bottom discourse, the pregnancy discourse, and even the conversations about their relationship dynamic as a whole. Talk about these characters in the context of THE SHOW for once! Think about the way they’re portrayed and WHY, the intentions behind the creators choices! They are more than their faces, and the shapes of their bodies, and even their mannerisms.

[earthtooz]

x : DON'T GO :*+ﾟ

in which: blade has always felt cold, but even more so without you.

warnings: 1.9k words, HURT/COMFORT with a sprinkle of angst, gn!reader who calls blade 'ren' once, mention of blood, ooc!vulnerable!blade, he's like a kicked puppy in this one

a/n: perhaps the most intimate piece i've wrote to date, this is nothing but pure yearning and longing on blade's behalf, and a nice fix-it fic with the most vulnerable i think blade could ever be. enjoy!!

in his new life, blade has always felt cold.

he is not spared from the constant feeling of goosebumps prickling his skin, not even for a second as the cold bites the tip of his fingers and sink their teeth into him to send shivers up his spine. but he has never felt colder than he does right now. 

your side of the bed is untouched, perfectly made, and devoid of any indication that you had been there. the blankets and mattress are cool to touch, with hardly any wrinkles in the sheets, and an ache declares itself home in blade’s chest.

the sun spills on his bare skin when he kicks the covers off, illuminating his scar-ridden chest as he gazes around the room, as if waiting for an sign that you were still here, and that he wasn’t too late. however, an immediate soreness tickles his throat that causes him to wince, serving as a reminder of the unpleasant discourse you had last night. 

it was hardly over anything of importance, but blade, a man of pride and relentlessness, had refused to back down, and you went to bed angry that night. he did too but woke regretful and cold under the covers, your warmth taken with you.

today was the day you had to leave for a mission, and although he knows you have a strict schedule to follow, he just wonders why you couldn’t have woken him up to say goodbye, especially after everything. 

he didn’t even get to say sorry or try to at least make amends. the swordsman only hopes you didn’t leave furious with him, and that you at least had something to eat before leaving.

to distract himself from the heartache, blade forgoes lying around and decides to start his day before the absence you left overwhelms him and the only thing his mind can do is think about you. 

not that he’s successful, because despite dedicating a monotonous afternoon of drilling sword techniques, the rampant thoughts about you did not decrease. rather, with each swing and sway of the cracked blade, his mind finds more and more to think about, with you at the epicentre of all of them.

it’s sometime around sunset when blade receives update on your status.

the swordsman is sat on a stone ledge, gold rays from the sun spilling on his skin as he waits for the sweat and fatigue to roll off. blade thinks of how you’d normally be seated nearby, watching him train to supply water and energy bars. although he never used to like the company or the doting, it doesn’t feel the same without you beside him, he misses you and wonders when you’ll return. 

“how long have you been here?” a raspy, female voice asks, breaking blade’s train of thoughts.

“since noon,” he responds merely. he doesn’t need to look up to see that it’s kafka talking to him.

“right. makes sense. i thought you’d be lonely since y/n’s gone.”

“need you remind me?” he huffs, voice teetering a threatening gruffness that would make ordinary people shudder, but does nothing to kafka.

“oh, spicy today, aren’t we?” she coos, ignoring the immense pressure radiating off blade effortlessly before taking a seat beside him. “what’s up? is there trouble in paradise?” a scoff comes from the swordsman. “i was only joking, did something really happen between you two?”

“none of your business.” 

kafka shrugs before her phone begins vibrating violently. when she reads the notifications, her face pulls the closest expression to concern that blade has ever seen her wear. 

“y/n got ambushed.”

his world freezes over.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

the sunlight is gentle in blade’s eyes when he wakes up.

clothes are strewn on the floor, bedsheets are half off the bed, ceramics lie in pieces along the cracks of the planks, and despite the mess blade has made of your shared space, he is the most crumpled of them all. a kaleidoscope of volcanic anger, tsunamic worry, and mountainous yearning, the only place that has remained untouched by blade’s destructive touch is your side of the bed, lest your scent disappears. 

it’s been five days since anyone has received a live update from you, only hanging on to tracking notifications of your spaceship as any indication that you were fine. for the duration of it, nothing has been able to calm him, with kafka and silver wolf needing to stun him before he could do anything brash, like running off into the infinite cosmos to find you.

elio’s promises had never felt emptier, his constant claims of how you’d return very soon turning into dust in blade’s ears because how could he hold on to hope when you are alone amongst the stars? 

his texts are left delivered, but never read. in fact, it has been five days since your contact displayed to be online, and he finds himself staring at it in case that the circle will illuminate green, that you’ll give him some sort of update on your liveliness. 

so that you’ll see how sorry he is and all he wants for you is to return home. 

he doesn’t remember when he became so dependent, but perhaps this is another cruel punishment from fate with another inconceivable price of repentance.

for someone as unforgivable and despicable as blade to love means to mutilate the universe with aftershocks that tear through boundaries of what’s possible. for a man like blade to rebel, it means that the consequences will return tenfold.

and there is no crueller damnation than tearing you away from him. 

he turns on his side, arms reaching over to where you would normally lie, and dozes off again, feeling colder than ever.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

blade wakes up a second time. the sun is no longer the thing that awakens him, but rather, the sound of footsteps that echo outside the bedroom. disgruntled and still trying to gather his bearings, he shoots awake at the sound of your door opening.

you stand on the other side.

is this a dream?

“oh,” you breathe. you sound winded, caught off guard by the sight of your lover who stares at you like a bewildered deer. “i’m sorry, i didn’t think you would be here.”

he doesn’t say anything, just merely looks at you, unnervingly unresponsive.

you look miserable. fatigue clings to your skin like a second skin, your eyes lack the brightness they usually have, and you are, evidently, very battered and bruised, blood staining your ruined clothes. 

but you are like sunlight, and blade thinks he can breathe again. 

“i guess i’ll leave,” you murmur, interrupting blade’s momentary assessment.

“don’t.”

turning back around, the swordsman is now slowly stalking towards you, seemingly teleported from the bed to halfway across the room in the blink of an eye. 

“is something wrong?” you ask and he holds back a scoff from the irony of your question. he’s the one that should be asking that, not you. 

but yes, there is something wrong; you left him alone. you went somewhere he couldn’t and then made him feel helpless because he didn’t know whether or not you were going to come back, stranded in the cosmos forever. 

stopping before you, his hands gravitate upwards with the magnetic need to touch you, to ensure that you were real and not some figment of his hazy imagination. blade raises a hesitant hand to sit on the back of your neck and the frostiness of his fingertips causes a shiver to run up your spine. gently, he presses you for a pulse and visibly gulps when he finds it, suffocating you in the tense silence that has occupied the air (you’re real, and you’re okay, delivered back to him in one piece).

then, he looks at you with the saddest expression you have ever seen him wear before engulfing you in his embrace. the stellaron hunter is hesitant with his touch, hovering around you in fear of overstepping, for blade would never forgive himself if he were to scare you off again. 

because you’re finally back where he can reach, and he never wants you to leave. 

“ren?” you pause, gently wrapping your arms around his waist and closing the gap he left, meeting him halfway. the little action floods him with endless relief. “what’s the matter?”

he shakes his head against you and his hold tightens mercilessly, squeezing all air out of your lungs. 

“you had me worried,” he confesses, no louder than a whisper because otherwise he would crack under the weight of his own words. the constant fear that has plagued him for the last few days would finally break him and he’d be in shambles in your arms, making a mess of something gorgeous with something hideous. 

so instead, he will continue simply holding onto you where you are safe. in his arms, you cannot leave, you cannot go places that danger you, and you cannot break his heart and choke him with the emptiness of your presence.

“i’m sorry,” you say, rubbing his back and he tugs you closer. “i didn’t mean to worry you, everything jus-”

“-you left without saying goodbye.”

you’re silent and guilty, but so beautiful. “i thought you didn’t want to see me. we were pretty mean to each other before i left,” you say after a second of contemplation. “i didn’t know where we stood, i wasn’t sure if you still wanted me.”

whatever is left of his heart breaks, crumbling into shambles that ring at your feet. there are a multitude of things that blade wants to say, yet no words come to fruition, to his dismay. he wants to offer you the comfort and promises you want to hear, and he wants to express the overwhelming relief he feels, but he can’t, and he curses his own inability to be heartfelt. 

instead, his grip around you tightens, like you’ll slip away otherwise and have him search for you throughout the cosmos. 

“don’t do any of that again,” he pleads instead, hoping that you’ll understand. “i beg of you.”

“okay,” you breathe. “i won’t.”

“don’t leave like that,” he tugs at your ruined shirt, grasp gentle and careful in fear of scaring you away with the intensity of his emotions that are hanging on by a thread

“i wont.” 

“please don’t go.”

“i’m here, aren’t i?”

blade sighs, nodding. you smile at him and it feels like a warmth powerful enough to drive the cold away. 

“but first, i need a bath,” you murmur, placing your hands on his chest to push him away. “please, keep your distance, i’m pretty sure i reek.”

he doesn’t say anything and clearly doesn’t listen, because instead of letting go, he simply leads you to the bathroom without ever unwrapping his arms. soon, the bath begins to run, and the sound of water streaming down ceramic echoes off the tiles, but the warmth of your laughter and tired words overpower it. blade sits at the edge, nothing but an oversized shadow that watches as you relax in the water, frowning when he catches the frequent bruise or fresh scar. 

afterwards, you both stumble onto the bed (careful to avoid the mess that blade as made, which you scolded him for, and he listened dejectedly before promising to clean it all up), and blade reaches over to your side, chest warming when he finds your figure to tug close. 

you fall asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow. your lover, on the other hand, stays awake for a few moments longer, simply trying to commit you to memory. 

“don’t go,” he repeats, tugging at your shirt as the evenness of your heartbeat lulls him to sleep.

he doesn’t feel cold anymore. 

© EARTHTOOZ 2023, do not steal, translate, repost my fics and do not recommend my fics onto any other site.

[welcomingdisaster]

halls of mandos dashboard simulator... part 2

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[mochinomnoms]

Hi, vacations are killing me rn (I am going on multiple walks to explore, and damn I am busy)

But I did have time to listen to vocaloid songs, and I got me a little idea~

It's very sweet too

Okay so there's this song that despite controversy (the controversy is actually silly dw about it) that's about mocking the trope of "tsunderes" so this girl has a crush on a classmate and calls them a "small fry"

I think yk where I am going

Hell yeaaaah the tweels get their own game turned on them because of all the teasing they do to their crush and have to risk that their crush is going to get tired one day and try to leave because excessive teasing is not that enjoyable

"Loser, loser.. despite all of my bullying, you still have a crush! ♡" (rough translation)

"Your reactions are just so cutee! I can't get enough ♡" - Something Floyd would say about his dear shrimpy

"Hm? Did you join my club to spend more time with me, Prefect? :)" - Maaybee something that Jade would say to his darling pearl

Their teasing can be really cruel sometimes, yet they still care? Maybe? It makes you feel overwhelmed and used because they keep stringing you along with all of their joking, pulling you close to only laugh at your flustered face but they are not clear with their emotions and it's frustrating!

One day, the two of them gang up on you cooing mockingly (perhaps) about how cute yet pathetic you are! You had enough you get up from your desk instead of curling yourself in embarrassment until the two leave you alone and get up to stay away from them

It's the first time you have done something that's out of the ordinary, and while normally they would enjoy this unexpected change, but it's different when you start crying while walking away from them, frustrated clearly!

"H-hey! Wait, don't leave me! I will apologize. I am sorry -" (rough translation again)

So they chase after you because they care deep down, but they are stupid

And I only thought about these two for the "small fry" thing, hehe

-Vaquita (I am alive)

hi vaquita! i missed you very nice to hear from you again!!!

i think i know what song you're talking about?? a miku one right? i'd have to look it up i remember hearing the discourse on it, but i don't really interact with discourse all that much so idk for sure

i think Floyd would get a kick our of a tsundere s/o most! just look at how popular FloRid is, i think part of that Riddle could potentially fit into the role of the tsundere (at least in the fics i've seen). But Floyd likes it so much because he thrives off the reactions and pushing your buttons. it's the fact that you try so hard to be composed and fail each time that he likes! Though, I can see him getting bored after a while if these are the same reactions you give, especially if he knows that you like him a lot. He gets frustrated that you won't just be upfront with your feelings, and if you can't do that why is he still playing around with you, putting in all the work when you won't do the same?

Jade I think finds it cute at first, but will get bored quickly since he sees through you so quickly. Why must you hold yourself back? Isn't it tiring, isn't it a chore? Wouldn't it be much better if you were honest with your feelings? With Jade, he's wanting to see just how deep your feelings go for him, and have you chase after him! Maybe if he changes up your interactions, you'll just have to force yourself to be more than a little tsundere, forced character development hehehe.

[doberbutts]

hello! I'm the one that sent you that ask a week or so ago. Sorry I didn't check to see if you'd answered for a while because I was just so upset and had to take a second. I will say I scrolled through a bunch of helpful posts you reblogged before I even found the ask again that helped a LOT.

Two things I thought you might want to know is that it wasn't speculation that you'd blocked the weirdo blog that sent me your way: they literally have "proudly blocked by doberbutts" in their bio which was why i felt safe coming to you lmao. Second is I guess my struggle with this issue was an overall struggle with how bad wider misogyny has gotten in general and how muddied it's gotten with the "male loneliness crisis" and like, centering men's issues under patriarchy and just how insanely upset it's been making me. Seeing cis MRAs identify with trans men freaked me out because like, yeah it's important to talk about how (cis) men suffer under patriarchy but it's just so rare for me to find men do that without devolving into misogyny, and I start to feel so helpless because I know validating these issues matter but women are being literally dehumanized openly. I do play oppression olympics with this specific issue and just of COURSE women suffer more under patriarchy, but the same men who demand space to air how they suffer won't acknowledge that truth. (sorry for soapboxing; some of them do! It's just...things are so bad for women rn lol it's really hard to have compassion when it feels like none is being given to me).

So the more I see this issue the more I think people are being affected by larger misogyny like I am, but are doing the typical thing that happens where you lash out at a group you can "reach." Policing and harassing trans men's behaviours is way easier than cis men. I've also been seeing some parallels between this discourse and the "gay men vs lesbian women" discourse. It's not really a one-to-one but the discussion of the role of misogyny re homophobia towards gay men who still have male privilege but, come on, if they have feminine affectation it's Different and the back and forth that used to happen when gay men and lesbian women did oppression olympics, it just feels similar.

idk as i type this I hope I don't come across disingenuous or like, my Too Casual Overly Respectful tone is trying to subtly incept you. I worry my vibes are too "women first" but I just can't help it misogyny really is ruining my life 😭. Anyways I'm very grateful for your perspective and your blog. I feel more settled and equipped to push back against anti transmasculine behaviour with rhetoric that can actually challenge people

To respond to each point in turn:

1: Again I still don't really know who that is, though I am somewhat bemused by the idea that someone I clearly don't really remember is still so obsessed with me that they're proud I've blocked them. For the record, my block list is as follows: people who send anonymous hate, people who continue to harass me after I've told them to stop, people I catch with posts containing inexcusable bigotry, obvious trolls, self-identified zoophiles and MAPs, and people who repeatedly send me fundraisers after I have already said I only share fundraisers from people I know and trust. Being on my block list is, um, not really good company, so it's kind of funny to me that someone is proud to be there. Yeah I'm sure they'll fit right in with the neo-nazis and dogfuckers and cyber bullies. Oh and I guess my ex but I only blocked them after they started harassing me about our failed relationship years later. Enjoy block hell I suppose.

2: I'm not really here to play who has it worse, not because I don't recognize the wider understanding of privilege vs oppression but because I think it is a self-defeating thread of thought because you will always find a "more oppressed" example, and I think that people should be allowed to talk about their hurts regardless of their status of "more oppressed" vs "less oppressed". Talking about the ways society has hurt them is not what makes MRAs dangerous. What makes them dangerous is who they blame, how they go about fixing their problem, and the solutions to their problems they come up with.

To be quite frank, the majority of MRAs are men who have experienced some form of social rejection or isolation. Most have been sold some patriarchal lie about how by being men they inherently deserve good sex with hot women on demand, a wife at home to keep barefoot and pregnant, a high paying job where they are respected and valued regardless of the effort they themselves put into it, and all the luxuries that lifestyle can afford. This is a fantasy, you and I both know it. And when these men realize the hard reality that we live in an age of extreme social isolation, that in order to have a partner you need to actually have more personality than a used dishrag and with only half the mess at max, that good sex is about give and take and not just yourself, that these high paying jobs are few and far between with most takers being born into some level of wealth rather than any merit they themselves have earned... they lash out.

It does not at all help things to understand that many of these MRAs are themselves marginalized in some way, but their framework not only doesn't let them see it but also advocates a harsh rejection of anyone who is self-aware enough to realize it. A lot of these guys are undiagnosed, have trauma, and are just as affected by the systems of racism, classism, homo- and trans-phobia, xenophobia, sexism, and ableism as the rest of us.

Quite frankly, I'd rather these dudes see a group of (trans) men fighting for our place in society by joining hands with other activists with more feminist, black-friendly, disabled-friendly, gay- and trans-friendly in an attempt to lift everyone out of the pit rather than continuing to fight over scraps... than to see them continue to blame women and Jews and then go shoot up a school or a mall about it. One of these helps. The other just kills people and excuses rape. There's a lot of value in deradicalizing people by offering them a path to resolving their pain that is perhaps less destructive and more constructive.

This is also why the constant comparison to MRAs annoys me. MRAs kill people in senseless acts of terror and despair because they're upset that they're not having the sex fantasy the patriarchy sold them. Trans men talking about our oppression- regardless of the word we use to express it- are mostly talking amongst ourselves about suicide and rape statistics and sharing ways to get hormones and surgery despite unwilling doctors and insurance companies. We're talking about how our social groups rejected us the moment we came out, or how people use us being men against us in ways that was not happening before we came out or passed. These are not at all equivalent conversations.

3: Again I ask you- I see people using both cis and trans feminist frameworks to hurt other people. Where is your concern for that? I am equally concerned about TERFs as I am about MRAs, as they have driven multiple transgender people and our allies to suicide and even have committed acts of violence against people irl as a result of their ideology. Most TERFs will also be the first ones to tell you that they have been hurt, deeply, by men and that they also are frequently undiagnosed or untreated, traumatized, and affected by the same systems of oppression. Does their existence and their determination to latch onto every feminist conversation including those of people who are staunchly against them then poison all feminism to you? If not, then why make that distinction for trans men and MRAs?

I am black. I am Indigenous. I am transgender. I am gay. I am disabled. I am poor. I suffer. People hurt me. I see every day how bad things are. Do you think I cannot see it, or that my ignorance is the reason for my request for compassion? Perhaps consider that it is rather my knowledge and my lived experience that fuel my call for compassion, instead. I never said it would be easy. But I do think it would make a better world.

4: I do actually agree that it is very similar to the gay man vs lesbian conversation and have said for a while that it's the same queer infighting discussion we've already hashed out for the last 50 or so years, but the target groups just swapped out. It's just butchphobia, it's just biphobia, it's just aphobia, it's just panphobia, it's just nbphobia- it's the same fucking shit over and over and over again. It was shit infighting before and it's shit infighting now. Privilege is a conversation that depends so heavily on context, and the way it has been bastardized by the internet's poor understanding of political frameworks developed by women of color and their allies into cute soundbites and phrases rather than a deep, nuanced knowledge will never fail to annoy me.

Do gay men have privilege over lesbians? As a class, sure, they would have male privilege. But what do we mean by male privilege? The privilege to not worry about being assaulted on the street? To walk home late at night unbothered? To marry who they want, to have the romantic partner they desire, to feel safe within a domestic partnership? You and I both know that doesn't quite match up to the lived experience of gay men worldwide or even here in the "gay paradise" US. How does this interact with other marginalizations? Does a black gay man have privilege over a white lesbian? What happens if he's a drag queen dressed up for an event and she's a butch that passes for cis male? Does that change retroactively if this "gay man" figures out she's actually a transbian 5 years later, and the lesbian is a TERF? I'm not saying this breaks the framework of male privilege- I am saying that sometimes the theory doesn't match the reality, and a nuanced and intersectional understanding is required when talking on an individual scope rather than class politics.

Additionally- as a side note- it is also incredibly annoying to watch people act like privilege = oppressor = dangerous, and oppressed = victim = safe. Privilege, and whether or not you have any, is not a moral indicator nor is it an indicator of the safety of the person you're interacting with. I have privilege over people who cannot walk, because I can. I am not objectively or systemically oppressing people who cannot walk by the use of my legs in my day-to-day life. Oppression is action- if I vote for policies and politicians that removes ramps and safety regulations and provisions to assist wheelchair users? Now I am oppressing people who cannot walk. If I block or move or interfere with the disability aids, if I mock people or assault or harm them, if I dump them out of their mobility aids or break them, that is oppression. The act of climbing the 3 stairs on my front porch to get into my house is a privilege, but the oppression stems from the people who built my house to even have stairs on both exits.

5: lastly to end a very long post, I don't actually think there's any harm in centering yourself when discussing things that objectively affect you, as long as you remember to include others who are affected and let them have their floor to also center themselves when they need to speak up. I am a black trans man. My politics are pretty centered on black feminism. I don't think that is objectively a bad thing. I prefer to let the demographics with similar problems speak for themselves- I would rather my trans fem friends get the mic when they open their mouths, my lesbian friends, my Jewish friends, my latino and asian and arab friends. I don't think there's anything wrong with them centering their own problems and outlooks, as long as they recognize that there's shared space to be had with others who feel similar hurts. I think it's pretty normal to center yourself. I think the difficult thing is knowing when to relinquish the megaphone to someone who's been dying to use it, while you yourself still have so much to say.

[thekatebridgerton]

More Penelope discourse

On the topic of female rage. Here’s something you may not want to hear: Penelope can be vicious. And I personally love her for it.

What I love about show Penelope is that she is a good person, she had a wonderful friendship with Eloise in s1 and trough most of s2, she cares about her family even when they are so dismissive of her, she likes dogs, she is is sweet and intuitive and funny and so terribly cute.

But she’s vicious. 

And I’m sorry if that intimidates the crowd who likes their female characters to fit into the Mother, Witch, Harlot stereotype. But the truth is that women can be quite vicious creatures when we want to be, no matter how nice, no matter how good hearted, we are. If you push the wrong button we are willing to ruin lives, without remorse and without apology. 

I find it really funny how so many people are intimidated by that aspect of show Penelope under the guise of ‘oh she’s not a good person’.  Oh please what intimidates that crowd is that show Penelope IS a good person, that she does have good intentions. That she still has the capacity to be the villain of someone else’s story when she’s 100% the protagonist of her own.

Daphne sort of glossed over the concept of how women are expected to fit themselves into a box to survive in this world where they are punished for everything, but Penelope is a better example of what happens when a woman in Daphne’s situation of ‘sit still, be smart, and never get angry’ situation, has power.

Power to hurt back, if someone hurts her. And I personally think this makes Penelope’s character more interesting. The concept that good women can be monsters and still be the absolute most wonderful people you will ever meet, that’s just something you don’t see in media a lot. It may feel contradicting, but it is appealing to me. 

It’s usually more understandable if the character starts out as a bad guy and then does does something unexpectedly good. But the whole “ how can a person be so good and yet....do something bad?”. Well that, that is what I call good writing. 

That’s an aspect of Penelope I look forward to seeing in S3. I want to see Penelope show that just as she is good, she can be vicious and unapologetic if you cross her.

 And that’s the tea.

[spdrvyn]

PAPER PLAYS — [ wc 2.7k. pre/post-atsv. angst. hurt/comfort. ] being a journalist in nueva york isn't a job for the weak, but you've managed to make it through after all these years. long enough where the mystery of its masked vigilante enamors you endlessly.

took me a lot longer to finish this than anticipated and i'm so sorry for that, life gets busy and other things were calling for my attention. this is definitely my longest fic to date, and i just wanted to see how much better i'd gotten at writing miguel compared to before. hope you guys like this one as much as i enjoyed writing it!

cw: violence and mentions of death. this is a rewrite of an old work. check the original fic here.

You knew from the beginning, Nueva York wasn’t the dreamland you thought it was. 

Maybe your young and naïve self saw something in this god-awful city that the present you just couldn’t. The illusion of freedom and expression that served as a think blanket for the real horrors that hid underneath bustling streets and funky smells. 

Reality set in even harder once you graduated college. Landing a job as a journalist in one of Nueva York’s top publishing companies with your nifty degree and shockingly, your belief that you had talent to offer to them. A lot of years have passed since then, yet it’s still pretty difficult to get by. It costs too much to leave, but you wonder how bad the cost of living will get if you continue to stay. 

Either way, you have persisted and hope to continue that. As far as it goes, you love what you do. There are a lot of sick truths that make it to the public eye, truths that you want to talk about, start discussions and discourse on, and hopefully reach the blissful young adults that see this city as a wonderland of opportunity. 

Your ambitions might also be why Spider-Man thinks you’re such a nuisance. It usually never is your goal to unmask his identity whenever you approach him, but it would be nice to at least get a motive as to why he decided to take it upon himself to protect the city, why he abolishes evil in its wake. Only that he has managed to evade you every chance that he gets. Any information that you have right now, you practically had to rattle out of him. 

He’s just an interesting topic, is all. Mystery is as much of a journalist’s candy as it is to detectives, it is up to you to ensure that unearthed discoveries find their way to the public’s eye. That’s all he’ll ever be. The same way that all you’ll ever be to him is a pest. 

Right? 

~

Routine was a safe net for you to fall back onto. Living in the underbelly of the city never constituted any new changes or risks, it was secluded yet still densely populated and as usual, a tad unsafe. Visits from the local vigilante were pretty frequent, you would see him around even when you were just walking about the streets. 

Every single part of your routine was designed to blend in as much as possible. You would wear unassuming clothing, take the commute to work, take the commute back once you were done, and occasionally eat outside when you thought you deserved it. 

If the ever the opportunity presents that you can reward yourself, you enjoy sampling some of the cuisine that’s in your area. You never eat at the same restaurant twice, simply because it’s good to try new things and frequenting one place makes you too easy of a target. 

Which is why you’re definitely surprised when two figures in black hoodies begin to follow you once you exit the doors of the restaurant, they follow you three blocks down so now you can’t convince yourself that it’s merely a coincidence. Once you turn a corner, you break into a run. Tightly gripping the bag of food in your hand as you dash past street lamps and smelly dumpsters, the footfalls of your hopefully-not captors in the distance get faster and faster. 

Adrenaline grips you tightly. When you turn the corner again, you make your way into a secluded alley and hide behind the dumpster. Peeking out, the vague shape of your apprehendors zoom past and you’re finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. 

It’s only when you hear grunts of pain and thuds of bodies against the floor, does your heart begin to race again. Slowly, you make your way to the edge of the street’s crevice as your eyes squint at the unruly sight before you. 

In a speed that you certainly didn’t expect, your previous apprehendors were face flat on the cold cement and Spider-Man was menacingly standing above them, chest heaving, and unbearably furious through the mask. As if he could sense his unwanted audience, he narrowed his eyes at before stomping his way towards you. 

You take a few steps back from the way he invades your space, maybe it can’t be helped considering just how tall he is, but you couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. What he’s about to say next certainly isn’t going to help either. 

“Why are you of all people walking alone at night? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Yep, called it.

“Is that seriously any way to talk to someone that almost got themself killed?” You huffed, his frustation was evident. He turns to massaging his temples with his fingers to fight off a horrific migraine. There is clearly so much more that he wants to say, but your point stands correct still. You really could have died, if he weren’t there to save you.

“Fine, I can take you home then.” 

“... Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Let’s go.” 

There was barely any room for argument, if there was room to spare at all, he was very insistent on being your personal escort. Despite it seeming like the very idea of being in such close proximity with you for over a minute may as well kill him, you weren’t in the position to decline that kind of offer anyway. Begrudgingly, you give him the directions to your apartment building. 

What you don’t expect is him picking you up by the waist with nary a warning before swinging from building to building. Was he following the way to your residence? Yes. Was he doing it the way that you wanted him to do it? Absolutely not! You cling to him for dear life, until your feet are firmly planted on the ground as he safely deposits you onto the roof of your place. 

It’s a bare moment of silence, consumed by labored breathing and rustling fabric. You glance up at him, and his expression is almost unreadable. “Uh, thank you.” 

He sharply averts his gaze, making his disgruntledness all the more obvious now. “Just… Don’t do that again. You’re smarter than this.” 

You raise a brow, “So you think I’m smart?” 

“Don’t flatter yourself, you made some stupid decisions tonight.” 

“Actually, do you think I could get you on the record for that? I’m sure that you have a⎯”

“Okay. Good night.” 

And… he’s gone. 

~ 

Suffice to say, maybe you weren’t as smart as you thought you were. 

Ever since your publication on Alchemax came out, danger has sought you at every corner. Nowadays, your commute is a race to get out of the subway as fast as you can, especially when you meet eyes with a mysterious man who was sending daggers at you with his glare alone. Honestly, he might have had an actual dagger on him, but you certainly weren’t looking forward to finding out. 

What else is there to say other than it sucks? Truly, your already constrained lifestyle is beginning to close its walls on you ever since you released that God forsaken article. 

There isn’t the option to leave your job either, it wouldn’t be worth it to leave because you actually enjoy what you do to the point where you could say that you love your job despite the whole getting followed, stalked, and attacked scheme. Besides, it would be even more foolish to let go of your only stable source of income at the moment. 

Not like you can afford any sort of protection for yourself either, your company can’t care enough to provide any form of guard because it’s a case that happens with most journalists. You certainly don’t have the funds to get your own bodyguard. The most you have in your bag is pepper spray and a sneaky taser. 

This is probably the part where you begin to accept just how risky it is living the way that you do, but it is so much easier said than done. There never will be a point in expecting something in return for all of your hard work except a paycheck and compliments from appreciators, because that’s probably just the way things are. And that is how they’ll stay forever.

The slight of hopelessness that worms its way into the crevices of your brain spreads out into the other aspects of your day-to-day life, the joy that you receive from performing each task, the simple things that made everything else worth it, was drained through every fibre of your being. Restaurant stops weren’t an option anymore, cafe visits were a no-go, you just have to head straight home from work, recharge, and do it all over again. 

So much so that you don't realize there’s someone in pursuit of you after you carry yourself through the subway, until you’re backed up against a brick wall and a knife lodges its way into your shoulder. You don’t scream, you can’t. Because they have a gloved hand pressed up against your gaping mouth. Well, you are making noise, sputtered and choked. 

It was only a matter time before you lost enough blood to pass out. Your eyes glossed over and the brick scratched against the back of your head as you begun to slump in the culprit’s grasp. As you were falling, you felt the hand on your mouth tighten as they removed the knife from your body. 

Everything else that follows happens in a haze. It almost felt like your spirit itself was separate from your body, being a passenger instead of the driver. There is someone talking to you, you think. Hurried whispers and worried murmurs, here and there. 

“Stay wi… now…” 

“You… afe…. prom…” 

“... upid… St…” 

~

Nueva York’s hospitals had never brought comfort for you. They were overly sterile, suffocating, and intolerable. You’ve only had to go once in the entire period that you’ve lived in the city, and it has forever soured what you’ve thought of the establishment. But this place? It was nothing like that.

When you had awoken, warm light bounced off of sage and dandelion patterned sheets. Your head had been carefully positioned up on plush pillows that matched the bedding, the room was nicely furnished and decorated like it was actually meant to be a liveable space rather than just a holding for patients. On your bedside table, there was a bouquet of flowers along with a ‘Get Well Soon’ card. 

It was truly puzzling. It was still dark out, the sky hadn't even looked like it moved since you got stabbed. Wouldn’t seem like even your friends that lived in the same area would have caught wind and came to see you. 

Suffice to say, your answer is right next to you. 

A strange man was sitting at the chair next to your bed, bouncing his leg as his eyes were glued to a watch-looking contraption on his wrist. Your eyes widened and your jaw fell agape, movements that he could pick up from the corner of his eye as he turned to you. 

Shock, this was the guy that saved you?!

He wasn’t anything short of attractive. His hair was a dark chestnut, slicked back save for a few strands you can only assume fell out of place from the scuffle with your attacker. He had a sharp jaw, strong nose, and thick lips. Crimson eyes too, oddly enough. Eh, you can look past that. 

You want to smile, you almost do, but it doesn’t even get the chance to fall from your face when he looks at you with a scowl. “I thought I could leave you alone long enough for you to not get into any shocking messes.” 

That voice. It’s way too easy to recognize, to put the pieces together. Your face twists to one of distaste that matches his own, you almost shriek. “Spider-M—?!” 

Almost instantly, he leans forward and presses a finger to his lips. A very obvious gesture for you to shut up, but you just couldn’t believe what you were seeing really. Among all nights you were expecting him to reveal his face to you, if it were even a possibility to begin with, you would have never expected it to be tonight. 

“Could you keep it down?” He scoffs, slumping back in his chair when he’s reassured that you’re not going to scream bloody murder. You narrow your eyes a little, trying to convince yourself that this isn’t a hallucination from all of the blood that you lost. 

“I- I don’t get it. You saved me again? Where even are we?” 

“It’s a private clinic, you would be too easy of a target if you were brought to one of the general hospitals.” It explains the pleasant decoration and nicer atmosphere, although you were sure that this place would have your bill shooting through the roof. It was expensive enough at the general hospitals, just imaging how much you’d have to pay here. “If you’re worried about the cost, don’t.” 

The horrifying implications of that statement were that he had already settled the charge for you, it’s a debt that you’re going to be stuck with for a while because there is no way in hell that you can scrape up that much money with just your job alone. Maybe revising your resume would be a good idea when you get discharged…

“Listen to me, you need to quit your job.” 

Nevermind, not as nice of an atmosphere anymore. “I’m sorry, what?” 

“You could have died tonight if I hadn’t caught you in that alleyway, rapidly losing blood. I can’t always be there for you, I can’t always save you, or everyone for that matter. Find– find something safer, or work from home. I don’t care. I just can’t– you shouldn’t–”

Whatever seems to be on his mind can’t find its way out through words, you can see it in the way that his lips purse and his eyes go from exasperated to defeated. His shoulders shake with slightly trembling breaths as he ruffles his hair with bruised fingers. All behaviors you’ve noticed when you’ve seen him geared up, but it feels so much realer now that he’s unmasked. Vulnerable. For you. 

Sympathy burns your skin, watching him so disheveled over the fact that this really could have been your last night alive. Never in your right mind would you have thought that he cared this much, a name is at the tip of your tongue. You don’t know what to call him, his alias feels wrong in this moment. 

“I… I know.” You shift closer to his side on your bed, “But I can’t quit. I’m not only doing this for pay, there are people out there that need my help too. It’s scary for me too, but it’s not enough to stop me fom doing what I need, want, to do.” 

There is a fraction of understanding in the way he looks at you. He knows, deep down, that he can’t change your mind. He thought that maybe, if he begged enough, if he tried harder, the world would keep you a little safer. But he knows as well, deep down, that isn’t true. There’s a chance that it will never be true. 

Though, you don’t know that. You probably never will. 

The very least he could do is protect you, more than he already is. He was never supposed to stay here, waiting for you to wake up. By your side, as the lamp’s light shone down you and blessed your gentle features. He never should have revealed his face to you, spilled his guts, and trusted you to be careful with them. He knows what happens when that’s the case. 

“It’s Miguel. O’Hara.” 

You’re taken aback by this sudden breach in his personal identity, but of course, it isn’t unwelcome. “Alright then. Good to finally have a name to the face, Miguel. I won’t tell anyone, for once.” 

He has a little bit of heart to chuckle at that, but it fades quickly. “... I’m still– thinking about your situation though.” 

“I appreciate you covering everything and the concern, but I’ll be fine. If you really do worry and care for me an awful lot though, then we can keep in touch.” You drawl out the last statement with a teasing lilt, offering a smile to lift the tense air in the room. 

He doesn’t acknowledge it, or deny it even. He just stares at you with an expression you haven’t sene his face long enough to decipher him for, before he nods. The corner of his lips curling upward, only a tiny bit. 

“We will.”

[paper-mario-wiki]

i have been struggling to find it, you seem like you might know tho.

i think you may have reblogged it or maybe you've seen it but it's an actor redoing a photoshoot of an older actor wearing like a really thick and soft looking sweater and the modern photo's sweater is just depressingly thin and lame? do you know of any avenues I could use to look for one of those really thick soft knit sweaters?

you seem to be good at finding 'vintage' or otherwise good clothes so have you seen anything like this in your travels thank u

i think ive seen that, let me look it up for you.

i remember the specific context of the discourse around that post was highlighting the difference in quality between a genuine Aran sweater (super fancy special expensive irish heirloom knitting technique, thats as best as i can summarize off the top of my head), and a fast fashion sweater made of cheap bullshit materials warn by a stupid dumb- sorry i started thinking about how shit the modern fashion industry is my insults started pouring onto the dude in the picture whose name escapes me. i remember hes from parks and rec so i'll look up the IMDb for it. i dont remember his name but i remember his face and his bit. he was the really energetic neuvo-yuppy freak who was always doing weird fashion stuff, or so ive gathered from my limited knowledge of that show.

ben shwartz! so if i look up "ben shwartz aran sweater"

here ya go!

actually looking at him he is kind of a doofus in that rinky dink thin ass bullshit nothing sweater. i dont think he IS one but he looks like one here, i feel.

anyway, this has been the process of finding that thing you wanted. thanks for stopping by.

oh wait i just reread the question, u were looking for how to buy old vintage stuff. uhhh ebay, vestiaire collective, and uhh. i mean if you'd be willing to just buy from an actual aran sweater company, which would be similarly spendy to buy a genuine vintage one in good condition, you can buy one made of recycled wool from an irish knittery called Sheep Inc, who display the carbon offset each individual product they produce creates.

they could be secretly evil, i dont know because this is all information ive had to dust off from the back of my mind.

anyways, i hope that you have found something similar to what you were looking for.

[maxedes]

Nico Rosberg gave his opinion on the whole George & Max fight on Sky Germany before FP3. Here is the translation.

Peter Hardenacke: „Nico, you are close to the Mercedes team and know both drivers pretty well. What is your opinion on this dispute?“

Nico Rosberg: „Well first of all, I think we all want Verstappen and Russell starting next to each other in the race.“

(PH: „That’d be good“)

NR: „I think that’d be my biggest wish. (laughs) It’s obviously incredibly funny to watch. From the outside at least! Internally It’s super stressful, because the whole world is watching & participating. Your family, your team, the team principals have started a fight. Toto Wolff & Christian Horner. It takes up so much energy. It’s so stressful internally. But from the outside it’s incredible. On the one side we have ‚the street fighter’ Max Verstappen, I think he’s (inaudible because of wheel guns :/), partly rightfully so & George Russell who’s… well, I don’t know, trying to… The dutch people say he should get put back into his, what do you call it? The thing you push babies around in?“

PH: „A stroller?“


NR: „Yeah, they say should be sitting in a stroller with toys in his hand“

PH: „Oh, so George Russell is too soft? You think so too?“

NR: „Well you can’t call him soft! He’s fighting super hard, really pouncing on it now. He’s holding his line and pushes back. Can’t call that soft, it’s good!“

PH: „Is that his way of putting himself into his new role at Mercedes as the team leader, once Lewis leaves?“

Ralf Schumacher: „I think so, yes. Seems like he made it his mission to improve himself and stand stronger and harder, but it isn’t really authentic. I don’t buy it. I believed Max when he said that George knows what he wants and isn’t really straightforward and honest about it. That’s by the way what you keep on hearing from internal sources, that Geore changed his personality quite a lot and not only in a positive way and I think you can notice that based on his comments.“

PH: „Nico?“

NR: „Hmm I’m gonna stick to… Well I see what [Ralf] means, and I think it’s partially true, but…

RS: „It’s still entertaining though!“

NR: „For sure, incredibly entertaining but obviously you can understand George’s perspective. The rule is he has to stay over his minimum delta time and the other driver has to move over. That’s the basis of this whole thing. Hence…anyway“

PH: „Netflix was filming the drivers parade in Qatar and was super close to the dispute between the two of them there. It was going on for three to four minutes and they had two cameras on it, but the sentence George mentioned about Max threatening to bash his head into a wall apparently wasn’t said. We’re looking forward to the DTS episode.“

NR: „No you should absolutely believe George. He wouldn’t make that up.“

PH: „But Max also said he made it up!“

NR: „Well, come on! I’m not so sure about that. It certainly happened. Pretty believable that Max would say something like that! I mean he’s the one that said in a press conference once that he’d headbutt the journalists if they kept rubbing him the wrong way.“

PH: „Oh, he really said that?“ (truly shocked hahaha)

NR: „Yes of course! Back then… So it’s not surprising he’d say something like that. He’s a just a ‚street fighter.’

Disclaimer: this is my translation & not a word by word. If I made some grave mistakes or misquoted them I am open to constructive (!) criticism.

If you can make out what he said while the wheel gun was going of please tell me.

Sorry if the video quality is trash, had to compress the video because it was too big originally

I love Nico, George & Max, so i enjoy a good discourse but blatant hate against anyone in reblogs/comments will be blocked

[summerslushies]

motor city/monster posting simulator

🧠 deadguysincorporated Follow

don't even think about interacting with me if you're a construct of any kind. some of us had to be turned to be considered monsters, you guys had to be built into it smh

#being metal or flesh cobbled together doesn't make you special #it just means that whoever made you took extra steps to make a human😒 #rattle groans #constructs DNI

🌕 fullmoonmayhem Follow

why are you mad about some people not going through an experience that can be severely traumatizing? that's weird, dude.

🩷 cybercds Follow

yeah wouldn't it be easier for someone to be a monster at the start rather than going through something horrific?

🧠 deadguysincorporated Follow

i don't want to hear anything from you. you're a corpse faker.

🩷 cybercds Follow

HUH???

🩷 cybercds Follow

NO NO. WTF IS THAT???

🧠 deadguysincorporated Follow

you're not even fully undead! you have NO business commenting on this.

🩷 cybercds Follow

i literally come back to life every time i die?? i'd say that counts as being pretty frickin undead LMAOOO

👽 sleepspacenine Follow

i went and checked op's blog and their description says they were zombified three months ago.

🌕 fullmoonmayhem Follow

of course.

#not even the slightest bit surprised by that tbh #i cant even imagine acting like that on TOMBLR of all places

💀 bonezzz Follow

I swear it's always newer undead pulling this gatekeeping shit. It's so fucking embarrassing, you guys.

#i am so sorry on ops behalf #i doubt they'll apologize but i'm so sorry you guys had to deal with them #i thought we got out of what makes a monster discourse years ago this is ridiculous

👻 ghostbriide Follow

anyone in this thread haunt warehouses

( 234 notes )

[hg-aneh]

will you ever come back, or is this an indefinite hiatus/straight up dipping?

i don't know

all the i miss yous are making me want to come back but ik i would just be terrified and motionless as soon as i do

Vent-ish Rant downstairs

CW: Pedophilia, Antisemitism, Suicide, Ableism, Harassment, Bullying, all the important words except for murder basically

i want to fix things in private with the people who hurt me so things can be okay and I don't out them for being wieners

but i also want everyone to know who hurt me, yet I'm aware it's not the right choice to make. social media outrage barely leads to anything, specially where minors are concerned

hell,now that i think about it, considering the fact that they genuinely don't believe people older than them are allowed to have feelings, I don't even think talking would be the right move

it's scary, its fucking scary

fuck. the whole thing started with a person mocking the way i spoke about crowley telling me to stop babying him because i was a legal adult and shouldn't be speaking like that

i had just turned 18 and the person was only a year younger than me

like when it's gone to that point and shit is that fucked up, what can one person even do

i remember i laughed about it back then but truth be told, every single little thing I've been told and that I've listened to coming from the people who hurt me has fucking destroyed me as a person

I looked at my older Discord messages, from before this whole mess started. I was so fucking happy and shameless with my joy, now look at my sorry ass

i just.

it's crazy that i have to go around masking in social media of all places because there are people that take such offense to me being cringe that they legitimately turn into high school mean girls

it's crazy that there are people who claim I'm something i am not because they want to make me look bad in the eyes of their little circlejerking friend groups so they can feel like the hero of the story

it's crazy that empathy goes completely out of the window when an account is big, that people don't see human beings as human beings when they're behind a screen

"just log off lol" i am a lonely shut in motherfucker due to my autism (that, surprise surprise, hinders my ability to socialize), you do not understand what you're asking of me, specially while being in this country and at this point in time where I'm actively craving to kick the metaphorical bucket, at daily risk of doing so, and what basically is house arrest for my own safety and well being

(aka, avoiding to physically yeet myself into upcoming traffic or buying something to actually seal the deal)

thus far I've been accused of antisemitism, pedophilia, being too self-centered (which. bro, the reason why i talk about myself is because it's the one thing i can comment on without being scared of some random person coming to tell me "NuH uH" about it out of nowhere or worse, having their feelings hurt because I don't agree with them 100%), proshipper (which, to those people, the word implies wonderful labels such as "incest apologist" "pedophile" (again) "abuse endorser" among other things) ((sidenote, I'm on neither side on that particular discourse. my friends from both sides know this. I would elaborate on my stance if this wasn't already long enough, but it is, so I'm leaving it at an "I don't care, you do you, but please leave me out of it")), being... mean... because i blocked someone...? (this one is just. that's how the second wave of hate started btw. yeah, because i blocked someone. holy fuck), and there's probably a handful of other things I haven't seen yet. fuck it, there's probably someone out there calling me a zoophile because of my catboy au

My friends who I will not name because I don't want the high school mean girls crusade to get to them, have helped me stash out evidence for all of the accusations and bullying.

fuck, they were the ones who let me know about it on the first place, both actions for which i am eternally thankful for because it means I can defend myself properly should the occasion arise (dios no quiera)

I've already had to make a post on Xitter responding to the antisemitism and pedophilia claims, in which, for the latter, i had to reveal extremely personal information for the people who started this to give me respite if only for a while

and. ugh

What I'm trying to get at with all of this is. it's. coming back is scary. i want to but at the same time I don't think I can take this shit anymore

I wish I had people defending me like this when the harassment started because I'm a spineless little bitch who'd rather talk things out and at least be neutral with people than clap back and tell them to stop being stinky

but what's done is done and now i just gotta figure out how to fix my head before i do something stupid

this is not the full story obviously, I'm cutting off certain details as well as more personal depression stuff to not make this bible longer than it already is

fuck

TLDR: I need a hug, idk if I'm coming back, I probably will cuz I can't say no to people, and some teenagers are horrible

[arom-antix]

Hey, just wanted to reach out to say that I found you pointing out and calling this person was really great and you shouldn't have apologized. It was incredibly true what you said, and to be honest it seems out of touch with the reality of a great deal of the japanese fandom, the nuances and their culture. Also, it was as you pointed out, extreme and may I say rude. I want to mention too that the way it was written, as if entitled of the knowledge and the 'explanation' made it all worse in context of the 'fucked up'. The original poster always gets away by using the 'well-written academic'' statement of their 'metas' as an excuse to do or say and make everyone else agree and if not, uses victim narrative and discourses exactly selecting wording for people to agree on it or feel bad.

I don't know if they tagging you in the way they did made you reblog and apologizing/backing up, but no one thought bad about you pointing it out. On the contrary, a lot of people had been bullied and discriminated by this person when they called them out/disagreed going onto lenghts of sending their friends to harass people, and the other persons can't even defend themselves because they are effectively blocked. To quite a few people in the fandom has been done, even accusing them as 'acephobes' (when they're not) or even Nazis by spreading lies. So yeah, I just wanted to say that. I think you were right to call them out publicly.

Thank you very much for this ask. To be completely honest I agree with everything you said here and don't actually feel bad about pointing anything out. I mainly apologised because I didn't want any potentially poor phrasing from my side to cause unnecessary hostility and because I myself have gripes with this person's behaviour but didn't want to cause a scene.

My honest opinion is that they have a serious issue with taking accountability for their own mistakes and highly overestimate their own intellect. If you're reading this, @thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai, sorry if I seem harsh, but it's true. I saw your post lamenting how you're the only academic meta writer / fan in the fandom and I didn't interact then because I honestly do not care enough to start that drama but with the information Blonndiec has just given me, I think it's necessary that someone calls you out.

You're not an academic. You're not beyond the mental capabilities of other fans. You're actually incredibly childish in your metas and analyses and I am not kidding when I say that I was halfheartedly writing essays more academic than every analysis I've seen from you when I was barely a teenager. I don't know how old you are and I frankly don't care. You're not as clever as you think you are.

Also, don't think I didn't notice that you didn't reblog my correction (link here to my correction and here to their "response" for those who didn't see that exchange) of your post so that you could control what your followers saw of the exchange. You're the opposite of an academic. You control information to tailor the narrative, you don't cite your sources properly if at all, you don't format your posts in anything close to how an academic analysis would be, you make unbased claims, you reference posts and canon material without in any way indicating where that information is from, you reference your own (equally unacademic) metas and your conclusions from them without indicating what post it's from or that it's your own theory this new one is based on and instead present it as a common fact, and I could go on and on and on. Your posts are also riddled with logical fallacies and you talk in absolutes and opinions when there's no canon basis to claim such things. I'm sorry, but that's not academic in the slightest.

To be clear, you don't have to be an academic to post on the Internet. You don't have to be anything at all. You could up front be a genuine idiot with no remorse and that's fine. But when you claim to be an academic and also put down the rest of the fandom for not being on your level, you have to be able to back that up. It'd still make you sound like a prick but at least your arrogance would have a basis. It currently does not.

I haven't personally seen the discussions that Blonndiec is referencing and I'm not going to claim anything definitive (because that would be unacademic of me, take notes) but if what they're saying is true and did happen as described, which I have empirical, if anecdotal, evidence to believe could very well be (a friend of mine has personally been blocked by you after they criticised you without actually mentioning your name which I of course can't prove is the reason for the block but the timing is awfully convenient), you should know that you should be ashamed of yourself.

If there's context missing, feel free to enlighten me and call out any incorrect accusations. You have every right to defend yourself. However, I encourage you to cite your sources since you're such an academic. If you don't, then it's just your word against Blonndiec and anyone else who might comment's word and that doesn't prove anything. Don't misunderstand, acephobia and nazi rhetoric should absolutely be called out but only if it's actually happening. False accusations can ruin lives. I hope you know that.

I'm not a fan of calling people out publicly and, again, thank you for this ask, Blonndiec. But considering many of the issues I've personally seen and those I've been informed of by second hand sources were posted publically, I don't really feel bad about calling this out. I could do a full breakdown of just the insulting "academic" comments alone and how there's no academia to be found in said academic metas and, Samurai, if you give me reason to, I will show exactly what I mean point by point (and academically just to give you an example of even low level academia).

If you respond to this, do it in a reblog. That's what a real academic would do. If I'm wrong and you can prove it, you'd have no reason to not show my post in your rebuttal. If I'm right, you'd have every reason to be upfront about your mistakes and how you intend to rectify them. There's nothing wrong with being wrong but there's a lot wrong with refusing to admit to it in a way that lets others peer review you (academic thing, look it up) and come to their own conclusions about the situation. That's what you did when you just @'ed me instead of reblogging my response. A true academic wouldn't hide a peer review. You'd know that if you were one.

I swing in many academic spaces and yet that doesn't make me any kind of expert and I don't claim to be one because I'm not. But since you want to be one so badly, reblog this with a response and show us all how smart you are. I'm dying to know what your academic take on this is.

[moonspiritmars]

ope I just realized a big reason I was feeling really frustrated/angry on behalf of Evan with the discourse surrounding if K asked for consent or not to fix Evan's arm was because as an autistic person, Evan reads very autistic to me. So when I see people say K asked for consent and then go back and watch the scene and the words "can I try to fix that poorly healed bone," are not explicitly said, I think about all the times I have been harmed by people being vague (both on purpose and not) and not saying what they really mean. The amount of times people have said that I gave consent for something when I very much did not, because they interpreted what I said as consent to fit their narrative and actions is much too many, and for so long people wrote it off as me being naive, turned it around on me, made it my fault when I was the one harmed, the one with my boundaries violated. Oof.

I have had this happen with malicious people and I've had it with non-malicious people, and that's important because K is not malicious, I think they just care so much that sometimes they don't know where to put all that love and care. Also, I read K as neurodivergent/could see them being neurodivergent too, so this isn't me saying they were acting like a neurotypical person, I just think that even neurodivergent people sometimes get really wrapped up communicating in their own ways and forget that for some of us our understanding of language is deeply literal and reading between the lines/interpreting our words differently than what was explicitly stated can be really, really harmful for all parties involved. (sometimes I can hurt people too with my literalism! it's not all black and white obviously)

Like I said, I feel deeply for K because deep down at their core I truly believe their actions aren't about seeing people/things as objects needing to be fixed (despite it coming off that way sometimes), I just think they see themselves as inherently worthless if they are not always using all of their energy trying to help. I get that, and how it feels like you're drowning when you're not giving yourself away to people and causes because theres too much, always too much, love and care and concern and it makes you feel like you're going to implode. One of the hardest lessons I've learned is that sometimes my need to help, to fix, to care, to give, is a little bit more about having control than it is just wanting to help. When you grow up with chronic instability you claw and scratch at anything that might anchor you, and often it's the need to feel like you have worth, you mean something to other people, and you're willing to give yourself away as long as it means you have stable footing beneath you. All of that is to say that I do not blame K (or other people with similar circumstances to mine) for having an unhealthy relationship to control, it's just that in learning so many of my actions are also attached to deep insecurity I've been allowed to finally start healing the way I deserve to heal, and I just want that for others too.

Anyway I need to get my Sam post out before the next episode because I didn't finish it and then watched last nights episode and that was a huge mistake because now I have even more I wanna write about. She is such a complex and beautiful character and every single one of her actions speaks to who she is at her core and I just wanna give her a hug. Truly feels like the peak example of being alone doesn't always mean you're lonely, and being lonely does't always mean you're alone.

anyways pls don't get mad at me I'm sorry if anything came off wrong, all I was hoping to do was explain why I was feeling the way I was in case it helps others understand why they were feeling similar/different things during that scene. Like I said, I love K, and also this wasn't slander towards anyone who isn't autistic (also autism manifests in different ways), I just realized how my experience as an autistic person with adhd always really shapes how I view the media I consume and found it illuminating in this scenario especially.

(can you tell I've been chronically misunderstood my entire life by the way I'm prematurely apologizing also people being upset with me makes my tummy hurt because I take it really personally and would rather keep the peace than hold firm to my opinion at times)

((but I mean if I said something wrong I wanna know asddfgjrlgk wow y'all are learning a whole lot about how my brain works through a lil post about dnd oops))