#sorry to start discourse but just had me thinking about it

[correctproseka]

h111 you dont know me but 1 was tell1ng one of my fr1ends about your sysfuyu post(1've become aware of a d1fferent presence? person? 1ns1de my head so 1've been look1ng 1nto th1ngs) but then they started to share some ant1 system thoughts w1th me like deny1ng the poss1b1l1ty of sysfuyu because theres "not enough alters" "that fandom 1s too young to know what they're all talk1ng about" "mafuyu doesnt even have the r1ght trauma to be a system" and 1t's been really upsett1ng.

1 dont want to start d1scourse on your blog, 1 just d1dn't know where to talk about th1s. 1 haven't been able to f1nd enough stuff to tell my fr1end thay they're wrong yet...

-Ra1nbow anon

Yeah your friend is full of bullshit and lets start with each one

1- "not enough alters" there's not a right way to be a system. We have 100+ alters (only about 20/30 front frequently) and have been invalidated for it, we also know systems of only two people, the definition of a system is "more than one personality". It doesnt matter how little.

2- "that fandom is too young to know what they're talking about" who made that post is 22 and is on college+know im a system for 4/5 years. I know what im talking about

3- "mafuyu doesnt even have the right trauma to be a system" there's no right trauma, our trauma was loneliness, and you can also be a system without even having a trauma, although you cant be diagnosed then. Doctors dont know everything about the human brain, so the possibilities of systems is unknown. Plus its literally a headcanon for fun who said it needs to be accurate?

I.. believe your friend is a sysmed, people who tends to think there's a right way to be a system, i dont think that would change even with stuff telling them otherwise, qnd im sorry you had to deal with that, i think if you try to change their mind start small, like not going straight for the trauma part becayse that.. theres a lot of syscourse around that, but the not enough alters could potentially change, if they get too angry though its best to just not mention it anymore.

And its fine, generally i dont like discourse but you're fine with this one anon

[rekikiri]

hi I’m possibly about to offend some people here so if you have a problem then maybe skip bc I’m discussing thea and roland.

I’ve seen people who talk negatively about kevin and thea’s relationship because of the age gap (which yes, same for me as well). BUT some of those people don’t have that same energy towards andrew and roland

andrew and roland are so much worse than kevthea. andrew was 17 when they began hooking up, had to tie his hands so he wouldn’t push against his boundaries. thea was (presumably) the same age as roland (22-23). so the age gap is bigger AND we have confirmation that roland wasn’t respecting andrew’s boundaries??? and yet there are people who are against kevthea but not the other?

idk. maybe it’s me projecting how much I personally hate roland here but if you condemn kevthea but not andrew/roland that’s a big yikes to me

[megabuild]

im gonna be 100% honest with you man i'm not gonna post this in full because you are just going to open yourself up to getting clowned on again but i do need you to know this is my absolute favourite opening to any ask i've gotten ever.

[medicinemane]

You know, it bothers me the way it seems like people have totally forgot about Iranians... thought we were all on the same page, wasn't it... women, life, freedom? (I legit don't remember, but the reason for that is it wasn't my slogan to say. Maybe it sounds strange, but that's how I felt, so I never actually wrote it, which makes it harder to remember)

Just feels like for a brief window there we were all talking big talk about supporting them, but then it all kinda dried up

I'll be totally transparent about one of the reasons this keeps coming up for me, russia is a major ally of Iran, Iran supplies the kamikaze drones russia hits civilians with... you know they're not giving them away for free... I worry what the Iranian government uses anything it gets to do... I don't really hear anything from Iranians anymore (though once again I fully admit that most of what I was hearing was second hand, I never had found an Iranian to directly follow... I don't know if anyone's still talking)

I just... I legit worry that people talk a big game about Gaza right now, but will they in a year?

I'm frustrated because a lot of the support people and causes around the world get seems like it's almost more self masturbatory than anything real... sure, everyone really well and truly means it, but then they get bored and it's on to a new cause

So I worry the support will be fleeting... and I see some people really getting down in the mud in ways... well, I'm not a people keeper, I don't get to tell people what to do, but I wouldn't be very pleased if I was acting the way I see some people act and my real point is I worry they're doing all this shit and they're not even gonna stick it out with the cause... seen people get bored and dip to many times to trust it

I'm not perfect... I have a shit memory a lot of the time, and I got a lot on my mind, but I still remember Hong Kong... at least sometimes... even looked into it from time to time and the news never looks good

I remember the Uyghurs, though my shit spelling always makes me look it back up. I think about Syria and how forgotten they are. I do actually still keep up with Ukraine... and then I see connections between russia and Iran and assad and...

I don't know... this stuff eats a me a little... not a lot, not more than the helplessness we all feel about bad things beyond our control usually does... I just worry about people, how they act with shit

Worry that you roll around in the mud too long it starts getting hard to wash off, and I worry that people sometimes get in the mud less cause they're trying to help anything and more cause sometimes it feels good to have an excuse to get dirty... righteous anger that makes any behavior permissible

I don't talk about current events that are on everyone's radar nonstop cause I don't want to burn support out by just overloading people with horror... but I generally find murdering innocent people to be a bad thing, so yeah... I want to see a fucking ceasefire already

Don't talk about it, but I actually do care quite a bit... and I worry... I worry that it'll be forgotten the second the news cycle moves on like everything else is

Worry that every bit of vile behavior I've seen that was for high minded goals will turn out to be dropped in an instant...

Almost like that's not a bug, that's just the point

[clover-the-awesomest]

Major respect and gratitude to all these wonderful artists and logical people!! I'm an amateur artist myself who has never seen the appeal in AI art at all, or just AI in general, but I never really thought too much on how the situation affects people with disabilities. This thread though shows me and other regular people how free and creative art is. And how "Art" as a concept really doesn't have any limitations! You don't need a robot to do something that only a human can truly understand, and you shouldn't have to!

Thanks for sharing all your POV's on this situation and I'm glad we still have some sensible people in such a shitty world. <3

Plus, AI just sucks overall.

"ai is making it so everyone can make art" Everyone can make art dipshit it came free with your fucking humanity

[saffrongymleader]

🫒

[aliceoseman]

s3 dealt with some more mature themes than s1&2 did, did you struggle with that in any way or did it feel like a natural development for the characters? especially since heartstopper has been praised specifically for being a "wholesome" show basically from the start, did you find it in any way daunting to write (more) sex and alcohol into the show?

(Upon reading this back, I have only talked about sex, not alcohol, very sorry!! Also this gets really off topic but this was the only question I received about sex in the show and I have a lot to say that I just didn't get asked about at all in any promo interviews, so... Here I shall word vomit!!)

Short answer: Yes, I struggled, but not with the writing of the story - just with the general discourse about sex/no sex in Heartstopper, since the beginning of the show.

Long answer:

It wasn't something I struggled with when writing the comic. I always knew that Heartstopper would get to that point - that it would grow up alongside the characters - but the general cultural view of the show as 'wholesome' vs. the criticism of it for being 'puritanical' and 'sexless' has definitely made me feel quite anxious about how these maturer elements would be interpreted by people in the show.

I never saw Heartstopper as 'wholesome' when I started creating the comic. The first chapter of the comic leads to a scene featuring assault, and the story deals heavily with mental health and bullying. The comic has swearing throughout. Whether the story was 'wholesome' was simply not a topic of discourse before the TV show released - I knew it was uplifting and optimistic, of course, but only in the same way that most YA romance stories are. So the public declaration of the Heartstopper show as 'wholesome' - as its defining characteristic and unique selling point - did take me by surprise. I'd had to remove the swearing from the story, but aside from that, I couldn't really understand what was different with the show compared to the comic, and why this was its defining feature. And then of course some of the conversation shifted to the fact that in S1 and S2, there's no sex.

This too confused me. I always felt the sexual attraction between N&C was obvious from the start, and sex itself was introduced into the story at the time I felt was right for the characters, with no real thought as to whether the audience would agree with me. People hardly ever pointed out the lack of sex in the comic - it's very, very normal for YA fiction romances to not feature sex, and in fact, it's actually pretty common for teen movies and shows to not feature sex, certainly when they skew towards younger teens as Heartstopper did in S1 and S2. But for some reason, when the Heartstopper show came around, people really, really noticed the lack of sex, and I was very surprised by that reaction. I wonder if it was because people weren't accustomed to that in queer TV, or if it was because people liked N&C so much as a couple and desperately wanted to see them take that step, or just because people felt it was broadly unrealistic for a teen couple to wait a little while before feeling ready to have sex. Perhaps it was all. But whatever it was, it caused some... outcry!

(I could go into arguments as to whether it is morally correct or generally realistic for N&C to wait before having sex in the story, but ultimately I think people's opinion on that varies heavily depending on their worldview and personal experience, and there's no right answer - people can like it or not like it and that's completely fine, not every tv show is for everyone - but the one thing I would say is that I think it shows young readers/viewers that it's OKAY to not be ready, and how to have that conversation with your partner, and I think that's a really, really good and helpful thing for young people)

Fortunately for those who were distressed by the lack of sex in the show, and for me who was anxious about all of that criticism, I'd been planning for the story to reach that stage pretty soon anyway. It honestly made me relieved that it was going to be introduced, if only to reassure people that I wasn't pretending sex doesn't exist or that I, as an asexual, was spreading some sort of anti-sex agenda (seemed to be a common refrain among those who find it particularly annoying that I'm ace). But mainly - I'd always known this would be a really important step in N&C's journey, and I wanted to do it justice, and I felt I had done so in the comic, but with the TV show came all of those opinions and discourse, so I was much more nervous about it and spent a lot of time during the writing process trying to figure out how people would feel about it. An impossible task, and before S3 released, I had no idea what the reaction would be.

In the end it was pretty anti-climactic - it got hyped up a bit too much in the early promo for S3, and then the general consensus was that the sex in the show was shown with a very light touch, and some people thought that was a good thing and others did not. And people still call the show sexless and puritanical, so it didn't really solve that issue. (I'm just not sure what those people really expected to happen - obviously they are not going to suddenly start fucking on screen in a show that's been previously marketed for the 12-16 age bracket, guys, let's use our brains here) Personally, I'm really proud of how that element of the story turned out. I think the scenes are really beautiful and feel totally right for the tone of the story, and have let the show mature without suddenly becoming an entirely different show.

This has been a long answer but I think what I'm trying to say is this: the 'mature' vs 'wholesome' scale of Heartstopper is something that has never been a topic of discourse for the comic. But it has been front and centre for the show, and certainly is something that has caught me off guard and caused me some anxiety, because I do see the criticism and it does hurt, and at times feels incredibly personal. But at the end of the day, I'm just telling a story, and the things that happen will happen at the time I feel is right for the characters. I just want to tell the story that I've set out to tell, and I intend to keep doing so until it is done.

If we get a S4, and indeed now that I am working on Vol 6, I am thinking much less about how the audience might react to the sex in the story, and am simply just writing/drawing what feels emotionally and dramatically right for the story and characters. And that feels much more creatively freeing!

[garoujo]

saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk

CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.

hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.

first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.

on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.

first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.

i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.

a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!

so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.

this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:

again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?

i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.

regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.

she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.

i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.

now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.

but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.

anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.

the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.

it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.

i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.

i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.

i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.

so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.

i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.

— emmie :)

[earthtooz]

x : DON'T GO :*+ﾟ

in which: blade has always felt cold, but even more so without you.

warnings: 1.9k words, HURT/COMFORT with a sprinkle of angst, gn!reader who calls blade 'ren' once, mention of blood, ooc!vulnerable!blade, he's like a kicked puppy in this one

a/n: perhaps the most intimate piece i've wrote to date, this is nothing but pure yearning and longing on blade's behalf, and a nice fix-it fic with the most vulnerable i think blade could ever be. enjoy!!

in his new life, blade has always felt cold.

he is not spared from the constant feeling of goosebumps prickling his skin, not even for a second as the cold bites the tip of his fingers and sink their teeth into him to send shivers up his spine. but he has never felt colder than he does right now. 

your side of the bed is untouched, perfectly made, and devoid of any indication that you had been there. the blankets and mattress are cool to touch, with hardly any wrinkles in the sheets, and an ache declares itself home in blade’s chest.

the sun spills on his bare skin when he kicks the covers off, illuminating his scar-ridden chest as he gazes around the room, as if waiting for an sign that you were still here, and that he wasn’t too late. however, an immediate soreness tickles his throat that causes him to wince, serving as a reminder of the unpleasant discourse you had last night. 

it was hardly over anything of importance, but blade, a man of pride and relentlessness, had refused to back down, and you went to bed angry that night. he did too but woke regretful and cold under the covers, your warmth taken with you.

today was the day you had to leave for a mission, and although he knows you have a strict schedule to follow, he just wonders why you couldn’t have woken him up to say goodbye, especially after everything. 

he didn’t even get to say sorry or try to at least make amends. the swordsman only hopes you didn’t leave furious with him, and that you at least had something to eat before leaving.

to distract himself from the heartache, blade forgoes lying around and decides to start his day before the absence you left overwhelms him and the only thing his mind can do is think about you. 

not that he’s successful, because despite dedicating a monotonous afternoon of drilling sword techniques, the rampant thoughts about you did not decrease. rather, with each swing and sway of the cracked blade, his mind finds more and more to think about, with you at the epicentre of all of them.

it’s sometime around sunset when blade receives update on your status.

the swordsman is sat on a stone ledge, gold rays from the sun spilling on his skin as he waits for the sweat and fatigue to roll off. blade thinks of how you’d normally be seated nearby, watching him train to supply water and energy bars. although he never used to like the company or the doting, it doesn’t feel the same without you beside him, he misses you and wonders when you’ll return. 

“how long have you been here?” a raspy, female voice asks, breaking blade’s train of thoughts.

“since noon,” he responds merely. he doesn’t need to look up to see that it’s kafka talking to him.

“right. makes sense. i thought you’d be lonely since y/n’s gone.”

“need you remind me?” he huffs, voice teetering a threatening gruffness that would make ordinary people shudder, but does nothing to kafka.

“oh, spicy today, aren’t we?” she coos, ignoring the immense pressure radiating off blade effortlessly before taking a seat beside him. “what’s up? is there trouble in paradise?” a scoff comes from the swordsman. “i was only joking, did something really happen between you two?”

“none of your business.” 

kafka shrugs before her phone begins vibrating violently. when she reads the notifications, her face pulls the closest expression to concern that blade has ever seen her wear. 

“y/n got ambushed.”

his world freezes over.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

the sunlight is gentle in blade’s eyes when he wakes up.

clothes are strewn on the floor, bedsheets are half off the bed, ceramics lie in pieces along the cracks of the planks, and despite the mess blade has made of your shared space, he is the most crumpled of them all. a kaleidoscope of volcanic anger, tsunamic worry, and mountainous yearning, the only place that has remained untouched by blade’s destructive touch is your side of the bed, lest your scent disappears. 

it’s been five days since anyone has received a live update from you, only hanging on to tracking notifications of your spaceship as any indication that you were fine. for the duration of it, nothing has been able to calm him, with kafka and silver wolf needing to stun him before he could do anything brash, like running off into the infinite cosmos to find you.

elio’s promises had never felt emptier, his constant claims of how you’d return very soon turning into dust in blade’s ears because how could he hold on to hope when you are alone amongst the stars? 

his texts are left delivered, but never read. in fact, it has been five days since your contact displayed to be online, and he finds himself staring at it in case that the circle will illuminate green, that you’ll give him some sort of update on your liveliness. 

so that you’ll see how sorry he is and all he wants for you is to return home. 

he doesn’t remember when he became so dependent, but perhaps this is another cruel punishment from fate with another inconceivable price of repentance.

for someone as unforgivable and despicable as blade to love means to mutilate the universe with aftershocks that tear through boundaries of what’s possible. for a man like blade to rebel, it means that the consequences will return tenfold.

and there is no crueller damnation than tearing you away from him. 

he turns on his side, arms reaching over to where you would normally lie, and dozes off again, feeling colder than ever.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

blade wakes up a second time. the sun is no longer the thing that awakens him, but rather, the sound of footsteps that echo outside the bedroom. disgruntled and still trying to gather his bearings, he shoots awake at the sound of your door opening.

you stand on the other side.

is this a dream?

“oh,” you breathe. you sound winded, caught off guard by the sight of your lover who stares at you like a bewildered deer. “i’m sorry, i didn’t think you would be here.”

he doesn’t say anything, just merely looks at you, unnervingly unresponsive.

you look miserable. fatigue clings to your skin like a second skin, your eyes lack the brightness they usually have, and you are, evidently, very battered and bruised, blood staining your ruined clothes. 

but you are like sunlight, and blade thinks he can breathe again. 

“i guess i’ll leave,” you murmur, interrupting blade’s momentary assessment.

“don’t.”

turning back around, the swordsman is now slowly stalking towards you, seemingly teleported from the bed to halfway across the room in the blink of an eye. 

“is something wrong?” you ask and he holds back a scoff from the irony of your question. he’s the one that should be asking that, not you. 

but yes, there is something wrong; you left him alone. you went somewhere he couldn’t and then made him feel helpless because he didn’t know whether or not you were going to come back, stranded in the cosmos forever. 

stopping before you, his hands gravitate upwards with the magnetic need to touch you, to ensure that you were real and not some figment of his hazy imagination. blade raises a hesitant hand to sit on the back of your neck and the frostiness of his fingertips causes a shiver to run up your spine. gently, he presses you for a pulse and visibly gulps when he finds it, suffocating you in the tense silence that has occupied the air (you’re real, and you’re okay, delivered back to him in one piece).

then, he looks at you with the saddest expression you have ever seen him wear before engulfing you in his embrace. the stellaron hunter is hesitant with his touch, hovering around you in fear of overstepping, for blade would never forgive himself if he were to scare you off again. 

because you’re finally back where he can reach, and he never wants you to leave. 

“ren?” you pause, gently wrapping your arms around his waist and closing the gap he left, meeting him halfway. the little action floods him with endless relief. “what’s the matter?”

he shakes his head against you and his hold tightens mercilessly, squeezing all air out of your lungs. 

“you had me worried,” he confesses, no louder than a whisper because otherwise he would crack under the weight of his own words. the constant fear that has plagued him for the last few days would finally break him and he’d be in shambles in your arms, making a mess of something gorgeous with something hideous. 

so instead, he will continue simply holding onto you where you are safe. in his arms, you cannot leave, you cannot go places that danger you, and you cannot break his heart and choke him with the emptiness of your presence.

“i’m sorry,” you say, rubbing his back and he tugs you closer. “i didn’t mean to worry you, everything jus-”

“-you left without saying goodbye.”

you’re silent and guilty, but so beautiful. “i thought you didn’t want to see me. we were pretty mean to each other before i left,” you say after a second of contemplation. “i didn’t know where we stood, i wasn’t sure if you still wanted me.”

whatever is left of his heart breaks, crumbling into shambles that ring at your feet. there are a multitude of things that blade wants to say, yet no words come to fruition, to his dismay. he wants to offer you the comfort and promises you want to hear, and he wants to express the overwhelming relief he feels, but he can’t, and he curses his own inability to be heartfelt. 

instead, his grip around you tightens, like you’ll slip away otherwise and have him search for you throughout the cosmos. 

“don’t do any of that again,” he pleads instead, hoping that you’ll understand. “i beg of you.”

“okay,” you breathe. “i won’t.”

“don’t leave like that,” he tugs at your ruined shirt, grasp gentle and careful in fear of scaring you away with the intensity of his emotions that are hanging on by a thread

“i wont.” 

“please don’t go.”

“i’m here, aren’t i?”

blade sighs, nodding. you smile at him and it feels like a warmth powerful enough to drive the cold away. 

“but first, i need a bath,” you murmur, placing your hands on his chest to push him away. “please, keep your distance, i’m pretty sure i reek.”

he doesn’t say anything and clearly doesn’t listen, because instead of letting go, he simply leads you to the bathroom without ever unwrapping his arms. soon, the bath begins to run, and the sound of water streaming down ceramic echoes off the tiles, but the warmth of your laughter and tired words overpower it. blade sits at the edge, nothing but an oversized shadow that watches as you relax in the water, frowning when he catches the frequent bruise or fresh scar. 

afterwards, you both stumble onto the bed (careful to avoid the mess that blade as made, which you scolded him for, and he listened dejectedly before promising to clean it all up), and blade reaches over to your side, chest warming when he finds your figure to tug close. 

you fall asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow. your lover, on the other hand, stays awake for a few moments longer, simply trying to commit you to memory. 

“don’t go,” he repeats, tugging at your shirt as the evenness of your heartbeat lulls him to sleep.

he doesn’t feel cold anymore. 

© EARTHTOOZ 2023, do not steal, translate, repost my fics and do not recommend my fics onto any other site.

[vi-arcanes-left-biceps]

So... I wanted to write about the Caitlyn hate train because it's flooding my twt.

First I'd like to start by saying that you're entitled to dislike a character. Arcane is a work of art, but it's also just cartoons -whatever, just hate the cartoon character. I don't even like Caitlyn that much, mostly I find her arc very compelling.

But. The amount of hate and the shape it takes, for me, is very clearly influenced by a few factors.

With Caitlyn I feel like half of the folks are just regurgitating discourse they read before and try to earn internet morality/politics points while very much forgetting to touch grass. There is no"I don't like her", there is a sense of rightgeousness in disliking her that doesn't make much sense. "She's literally Hitler!" Please think. There are real life fascists and nazis over here. This is a cartoon who's the bad guy for like four and a half episodes.

There are interesting conversations to have about how Caitlyn's actions mirror real life oppression, as many also point out as a reason to hate her. It's fair that you dislike her those actions, to be honest. But 1) stories are not made to be morally perfect but to explore themes and emotions -characters will do bad, even evil things; 2) critical consumption of media exists; 3) using political language to hate on a fictional character with no real political critique/analysis behind makes me think you don't really believe that much what you're saying & you just want to use buzzwords you learned on the internet.

Takes like this are tinted with some sort of attempt to a moral high ground for disliking a fictional character for political reasons, while simultaneously refusing to understand the narrative of the character and think critically about what it is trying to say about real world politics.

To analyse a story you have to engage with it. See what it wants to tell you. See how it does it. See how it fails. You can dislike Caitlyn and tbh disliking her because of her role in the story is more than fair. But that doesn't equal media analysis. And I'm sorry but not liking a character doesn't make you more politically committed than the rest.

There are so many interesting things to say about Arcane's flawed portrayal of politics. How it uses the aesthetics of oppression to tell a story without deeply analysing the oppression itself within the narrative, how the context in which it was created and the beliefs held by its authors afect the portrayal of themes... Among all these, "Caitlyn is evil and irredeemable because we saw a montage of her and Vi doing police violence" is a very superficial take. Please, please, pleeease analyse those montages frame by frame and discuss how they showcase police violence, what bias they have, what purpose it serves. Analyse how it takes from real life events in a way that is insensitive. I'd love it sooo much to see posts like this.

On the other side, I've seen people say both that say Caitlyn is evil because of the acts she commits and then say that Silco is a revolutionaire. What? Silco WAS a revolutionaire, and he still had a motivation to make Zaun free, but his motivations do not match his actions and that's pretty obvious. "Sometimes revolution requires violent resistance" = "Silco is a revolution hero" showcases a very shallow level understanding of the first phrase there. Silco flooded the streets of Zaun with drugs. The Firelights were born out of willingness to defend zaunites from Silco and Jinx. Silco did not do violent resistance against Piltover, not since the rebellion he had led with Vander. He tried to invent shimmer as a weapon to fight again and the only thing he managed is to make many people misserable and dependent on it -and he didn't care. His character and his actions are quite more complicated than "he's doing everything for revolution"; but again, another character reduced to a catchphrase that fails to actually engage with his story. Only difference between these people's opinions on Silco and Caitlyn is that Silco's character has the word "revolution" near in the script and Caitlyn's script includes "cop".

Another thing is, why hate Caitlyn so much and not say a single thing about Ambessa? I can think of a few reasons but I'll summarise like this:

1) Not being aware that Ambessa is always the one calling the shots here even if Caitlyn is given the title of Commander. Even though the show is very much making this clear.

2) Because Caitlyn gets a redemption and Ambessa gets "punished" aka is a villain and dies. As if humans where not more complex than good and evil.

3) Caitlyn's more popular than Ambessa I guess? It's always more fun to hate on the popular character. Also she's a main character so she'd obviously get more more attention.

3) Some people just want women to be perfectly moral all the time, and in wlw relationships even more. I didn't want to bring up fandom misoginy & lesbophobia but I can tell if it was Jayce having her narrative and redemption the discourse would be quite different.

Anyway. Acab and long live critical thinking. I guess I just want to say please send some nuanced Caitlyn takes my way because I'd really love to read those.

[welcomingdisaster]

halls of mandos dashboard simulator... part 2

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[doberbutts]

hello! I'm the one that sent you that ask a week or so ago. Sorry I didn't check to see if you'd answered for a while because I was just so upset and had to take a second. I will say I scrolled through a bunch of helpful posts you reblogged before I even found the ask again that helped a LOT.

Two things I thought you might want to know is that it wasn't speculation that you'd blocked the weirdo blog that sent me your way: they literally have "proudly blocked by doberbutts" in their bio which was why i felt safe coming to you lmao. Second is I guess my struggle with this issue was an overall struggle with how bad wider misogyny has gotten in general and how muddied it's gotten with the "male loneliness crisis" and like, centering men's issues under patriarchy and just how insanely upset it's been making me. Seeing cis MRAs identify with trans men freaked me out because like, yeah it's important to talk about how (cis) men suffer under patriarchy but it's just so rare for me to find men do that without devolving into misogyny, and I start to feel so helpless because I know validating these issues matter but women are being literally dehumanized openly. I do play oppression olympics with this specific issue and just of COURSE women suffer more under patriarchy, but the same men who demand space to air how they suffer won't acknowledge that truth. (sorry for soapboxing; some of them do! It's just...things are so bad for women rn lol it's really hard to have compassion when it feels like none is being given to me).

So the more I see this issue the more I think people are being affected by larger misogyny like I am, but are doing the typical thing that happens where you lash out at a group you can "reach." Policing and harassing trans men's behaviours is way easier than cis men. I've also been seeing some parallels between this discourse and the "gay men vs lesbian women" discourse. It's not really a one-to-one but the discussion of the role of misogyny re homophobia towards gay men who still have male privilege but, come on, if they have feminine affectation it's Different and the back and forth that used to happen when gay men and lesbian women did oppression olympics, it just feels similar.

idk as i type this I hope I don't come across disingenuous or like, my Too Casual Overly Respectful tone is trying to subtly incept you. I worry my vibes are too "women first" but I just can't help it misogyny really is ruining my life 😭. Anyways I'm very grateful for your perspective and your blog. I feel more settled and equipped to push back against anti transmasculine behaviour with rhetoric that can actually challenge people

To respond to each point in turn:

1: Again I still don't really know who that is, though I am somewhat bemused by the idea that someone I clearly don't really remember is still so obsessed with me that they're proud I've blocked them. For the record, my block list is as follows: people who send anonymous hate, people who continue to harass me after I've told them to stop, people I catch with posts containing inexcusable bigotry, obvious trolls, self-identified zoophiles and MAPs, and people who repeatedly send me fundraisers after I have already said I only share fundraisers from people I know and trust. Being on my block list is, um, not really good company, so it's kind of funny to me that someone is proud to be there. Yeah I'm sure they'll fit right in with the neo-nazis and dogfuckers and cyber bullies. Oh and I guess my ex but I only blocked them after they started harassing me about our failed relationship years later. Enjoy block hell I suppose.

2: I'm not really here to play who has it worse, not because I don't recognize the wider understanding of privilege vs oppression but because I think it is a self-defeating thread of thought because you will always find a "more oppressed" example, and I think that people should be allowed to talk about their hurts regardless of their status of "more oppressed" vs "less oppressed". Talking about the ways society has hurt them is not what makes MRAs dangerous. What makes them dangerous is who they blame, how they go about fixing their problem, and the solutions to their problems they come up with.

To be quite frank, the majority of MRAs are men who have experienced some form of social rejection or isolation. Most have been sold some patriarchal lie about how by being men they inherently deserve good sex with hot women on demand, a wife at home to keep barefoot and pregnant, a high paying job where they are respected and valued regardless of the effort they themselves put into it, and all the luxuries that lifestyle can afford. This is a fantasy, you and I both know it. And when these men realize the hard reality that we live in an age of extreme social isolation, that in order to have a partner you need to actually have more personality than a used dishrag and with only half the mess at max, that good sex is about give and take and not just yourself, that these high paying jobs are few and far between with most takers being born into some level of wealth rather than any merit they themselves have earned... they lash out.

It does not at all help things to understand that many of these MRAs are themselves marginalized in some way, but their framework not only doesn't let them see it but also advocates a harsh rejection of anyone who is self-aware enough to realize it. A lot of these guys are undiagnosed, have trauma, and are just as affected by the systems of racism, classism, homo- and trans-phobia, xenophobia, sexism, and ableism as the rest of us.

Quite frankly, I'd rather these dudes see a group of (trans) men fighting for our place in society by joining hands with other activists with more feminist, black-friendly, disabled-friendly, gay- and trans-friendly in an attempt to lift everyone out of the pit rather than continuing to fight over scraps... than to see them continue to blame women and Jews and then go shoot up a school or a mall about it. One of these helps. The other just kills people and excuses rape. There's a lot of value in deradicalizing people by offering them a path to resolving their pain that is perhaps less destructive and more constructive.

This is also why the constant comparison to MRAs annoys me. MRAs kill people in senseless acts of terror and despair because they're upset that they're not having the sex fantasy the patriarchy sold them. Trans men talking about our oppression- regardless of the word we use to express it- are mostly talking amongst ourselves about suicide and rape statistics and sharing ways to get hormones and surgery despite unwilling doctors and insurance companies. We're talking about how our social groups rejected us the moment we came out, or how people use us being men against us in ways that was not happening before we came out or passed. These are not at all equivalent conversations.

3: Again I ask you- I see people using both cis and trans feminist frameworks to hurt other people. Where is your concern for that? I am equally concerned about TERFs as I am about MRAs, as they have driven multiple transgender people and our allies to suicide and even have committed acts of violence against people irl as a result of their ideology. Most TERFs will also be the first ones to tell you that they have been hurt, deeply, by men and that they also are frequently undiagnosed or untreated, traumatized, and affected by the same systems of oppression. Does their existence and their determination to latch onto every feminist conversation including those of people who are staunchly against them then poison all feminism to you? If not, then why make that distinction for trans men and MRAs?

I am black. I am Indigenous. I am transgender. I am gay. I am disabled. I am poor. I suffer. People hurt me. I see every day how bad things are. Do you think I cannot see it, or that my ignorance is the reason for my request for compassion? Perhaps consider that it is rather my knowledge and my lived experience that fuel my call for compassion, instead. I never said it would be easy. But I do think it would make a better world.

4: I do actually agree that it is very similar to the gay man vs lesbian conversation and have said for a while that it's the same queer infighting discussion we've already hashed out for the last 50 or so years, but the target groups just swapped out. It's just butchphobia, it's just biphobia, it's just aphobia, it's just panphobia, it's just nbphobia- it's the same fucking shit over and over and over again. It was shit infighting before and it's shit infighting now. Privilege is a conversation that depends so heavily on context, and the way it has been bastardized by the internet's poor understanding of political frameworks developed by women of color and their allies into cute soundbites and phrases rather than a deep, nuanced knowledge will never fail to annoy me.

Do gay men have privilege over lesbians? As a class, sure, they would have male privilege. But what do we mean by male privilege? The privilege to not worry about being assaulted on the street? To walk home late at night unbothered? To marry who they want, to have the romantic partner they desire, to feel safe within a domestic partnership? You and I both know that doesn't quite match up to the lived experience of gay men worldwide or even here in the "gay paradise" US. How does this interact with other marginalizations? Does a black gay man have privilege over a white lesbian? What happens if he's a drag queen dressed up for an event and she's a butch that passes for cis male? Does that change retroactively if this "gay man" figures out she's actually a transbian 5 years later, and the lesbian is a TERF? I'm not saying this breaks the framework of male privilege- I am saying that sometimes the theory doesn't match the reality, and a nuanced and intersectional understanding is required when talking on an individual scope rather than class politics.

Additionally- as a side note- it is also incredibly annoying to watch people act like privilege = oppressor = dangerous, and oppressed = victim = safe. Privilege, and whether or not you have any, is not a moral indicator nor is it an indicator of the safety of the person you're interacting with. I have privilege over people who cannot walk, because I can. I am not objectively or systemically oppressing people who cannot walk by the use of my legs in my day-to-day life. Oppression is action- if I vote for policies and politicians that removes ramps and safety regulations and provisions to assist wheelchair users? Now I am oppressing people who cannot walk. If I block or move or interfere with the disability aids, if I mock people or assault or harm them, if I dump them out of their mobility aids or break them, that is oppression. The act of climbing the 3 stairs on my front porch to get into my house is a privilege, but the oppression stems from the people who built my house to even have stairs on both exits.

5: lastly to end a very long post, I don't actually think there's any harm in centering yourself when discussing things that objectively affect you, as long as you remember to include others who are affected and let them have their floor to also center themselves when they need to speak up. I am a black trans man. My politics are pretty centered on black feminism. I don't think that is objectively a bad thing. I prefer to let the demographics with similar problems speak for themselves- I would rather my trans fem friends get the mic when they open their mouths, my lesbian friends, my Jewish friends, my latino and asian and arab friends. I don't think there's anything wrong with them centering their own problems and outlooks, as long as they recognize that there's shared space to be had with others who feel similar hurts. I think it's pretty normal to center yourself. I think the difficult thing is knowing when to relinquish the megaphone to someone who's been dying to use it, while you yourself still have so much to say.

[thekatebridgerton]

More Penelope discourse

On the topic of female rage. Here’s something you may not want to hear: Penelope can be vicious. And I personally love her for it.

What I love about show Penelope is that she is a good person, she had a wonderful friendship with Eloise in s1 and trough most of s2, she cares about her family even when they are so dismissive of her, she likes dogs, she is is sweet and intuitive and funny and so terribly cute.

But she’s vicious. 

And I’m sorry if that intimidates the crowd who likes their female characters to fit into the Mother, Witch, Harlot stereotype. But the truth is that women can be quite vicious creatures when we want to be, no matter how nice, no matter how good hearted, we are. If you push the wrong button we are willing to ruin lives, without remorse and without apology. 

I find it really funny how so many people are intimidated by that aspect of show Penelope under the guise of ‘oh she’s not a good person’.  Oh please what intimidates that crowd is that show Penelope IS a good person, that she does have good intentions. That she still has the capacity to be the villain of someone else’s story when she’s 100% the protagonist of her own.

Daphne sort of glossed over the concept of how women are expected to fit themselves into a box to survive in this world where they are punished for everything, but Penelope is a better example of what happens when a woman in Daphne’s situation of ‘sit still, be smart, and never get angry’ situation, has power.

Power to hurt back, if someone hurts her. And I personally think this makes Penelope’s character more interesting. The concept that good women can be monsters and still be the absolute most wonderful people you will ever meet, that’s just something you don’t see in media a lot. It may feel contradicting, but it is appealing to me. 

It’s usually more understandable if the character starts out as a bad guy and then does does something unexpectedly good. But the whole “ how can a person be so good and yet....do something bad?”. Well that, that is what I call good writing. 

That’s an aspect of Penelope I look forward to seeing in S3. I want to see Penelope show that just as she is good, she can be vicious and unapologetic if you cross her.

 And that’s the tea.

[spdrvyn]

PAPER PLAYS — [ wc 2.7k. pre/post-atsv. angst. hurt/comfort. ] being a journalist in nueva york isn't a job for the weak, but you've managed to make it through after all these years. long enough where the mystery of its masked vigilante enamors you endlessly.

took me a lot longer to finish this than anticipated and i'm so sorry for that, life gets busy and other things were calling for my attention. this is definitely my longest fic to date, and i just wanted to see how much better i'd gotten at writing miguel compared to before. hope you guys like this one as much as i enjoyed writing it!

cw: violence and mentions of death. this is a rewrite of an old work. check the original fic here.

You knew from the beginning, Nueva York wasn’t the dreamland you thought it was. 

Maybe your young and naïve self saw something in this god-awful city that the present you just couldn’t. The illusion of freedom and expression that served as a think blanket for the real horrors that hid underneath bustling streets and funky smells. 

Reality set in even harder once you graduated college. Landing a job as a journalist in one of Nueva York’s top publishing companies with your nifty degree and shockingly, your belief that you had talent to offer to them. A lot of years have passed since then, yet it’s still pretty difficult to get by. It costs too much to leave, but you wonder how bad the cost of living will get if you continue to stay. 

Either way, you have persisted and hope to continue that. As far as it goes, you love what you do. There are a lot of sick truths that make it to the public eye, truths that you want to talk about, start discussions and discourse on, and hopefully reach the blissful young adults that see this city as a wonderland of opportunity. 

Your ambitions might also be why Spider-Man thinks you’re such a nuisance. It usually never is your goal to unmask his identity whenever you approach him, but it would be nice to at least get a motive as to why he decided to take it upon himself to protect the city, why he abolishes evil in its wake. Only that he has managed to evade you every chance that he gets. Any information that you have right now, you practically had to rattle out of him. 

He’s just an interesting topic, is all. Mystery is as much of a journalist’s candy as it is to detectives, it is up to you to ensure that unearthed discoveries find their way to the public’s eye. That’s all he’ll ever be. The same way that all you’ll ever be to him is a pest. 

Right? 

~

Routine was a safe net for you to fall back onto. Living in the underbelly of the city never constituted any new changes or risks, it was secluded yet still densely populated and as usual, a tad unsafe. Visits from the local vigilante were pretty frequent, you would see him around even when you were just walking about the streets. 

Every single part of your routine was designed to blend in as much as possible. You would wear unassuming clothing, take the commute to work, take the commute back once you were done, and occasionally eat outside when you thought you deserved it. 

If the ever the opportunity presents that you can reward yourself, you enjoy sampling some of the cuisine that’s in your area. You never eat at the same restaurant twice, simply because it’s good to try new things and frequenting one place makes you too easy of a target. 

Which is why you’re definitely surprised when two figures in black hoodies begin to follow you once you exit the doors of the restaurant, they follow you three blocks down so now you can’t convince yourself that it’s merely a coincidence. Once you turn a corner, you break into a run. Tightly gripping the bag of food in your hand as you dash past street lamps and smelly dumpsters, the footfalls of your hopefully-not captors in the distance get faster and faster. 

Adrenaline grips you tightly. When you turn the corner again, you make your way into a secluded alley and hide behind the dumpster. Peeking out, the vague shape of your apprehendors zoom past and you’re finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. 

It’s only when you hear grunts of pain and thuds of bodies against the floor, does your heart begin to race again. Slowly, you make your way to the edge of the street’s crevice as your eyes squint at the unruly sight before you. 

In a speed that you certainly didn’t expect, your previous apprehendors were face flat on the cold cement and Spider-Man was menacingly standing above them, chest heaving, and unbearably furious through the mask. As if he could sense his unwanted audience, he narrowed his eyes at before stomping his way towards you. 

You take a few steps back from the way he invades your space, maybe it can’t be helped considering just how tall he is, but you couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. What he’s about to say next certainly isn’t going to help either. 

“Why are you of all people walking alone at night? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Yep, called it.

“Is that seriously any way to talk to someone that almost got themself killed?” You huffed, his frustation was evident. He turns to massaging his temples with his fingers to fight off a horrific migraine. There is clearly so much more that he wants to say, but your point stands correct still. You really could have died, if he weren’t there to save you.

“Fine, I can take you home then.” 

“... Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Let’s go.” 

There was barely any room for argument, if there was room to spare at all, he was very insistent on being your personal escort. Despite it seeming like the very idea of being in such close proximity with you for over a minute may as well kill him, you weren’t in the position to decline that kind of offer anyway. Begrudgingly, you give him the directions to your apartment building. 

What you don’t expect is him picking you up by the waist with nary a warning before swinging from building to building. Was he following the way to your residence? Yes. Was he doing it the way that you wanted him to do it? Absolutely not! You cling to him for dear life, until your feet are firmly planted on the ground as he safely deposits you onto the roof of your place. 

It’s a bare moment of silence, consumed by labored breathing and rustling fabric. You glance up at him, and his expression is almost unreadable. “Uh, thank you.” 

He sharply averts his gaze, making his disgruntledness all the more obvious now. “Just… Don’t do that again. You’re smarter than this.” 

You raise a brow, “So you think I’m smart?” 

“Don’t flatter yourself, you made some stupid decisions tonight.” 

“Actually, do you think I could get you on the record for that? I’m sure that you have a⎯”

“Okay. Good night.” 

And… he’s gone. 

~ 

Suffice to say, maybe you weren’t as smart as you thought you were. 

Ever since your publication on Alchemax came out, danger has sought you at every corner. Nowadays, your commute is a race to get out of the subway as fast as you can, especially when you meet eyes with a mysterious man who was sending daggers at you with his glare alone. Honestly, he might have had an actual dagger on him, but you certainly weren’t looking forward to finding out. 

What else is there to say other than it sucks? Truly, your already constrained lifestyle is beginning to close its walls on you ever since you released that God forsaken article. 

There isn’t the option to leave your job either, it wouldn’t be worth it to leave because you actually enjoy what you do to the point where you could say that you love your job despite the whole getting followed, stalked, and attacked scheme. Besides, it would be even more foolish to let go of your only stable source of income at the moment. 

Not like you can afford any sort of protection for yourself either, your company can’t care enough to provide any form of guard because it’s a case that happens with most journalists. You certainly don’t have the funds to get your own bodyguard. The most you have in your bag is pepper spray and a sneaky taser. 

This is probably the part where you begin to accept just how risky it is living the way that you do, but it is so much easier said than done. There never will be a point in expecting something in return for all of your hard work except a paycheck and compliments from appreciators, because that’s probably just the way things are. And that is how they’ll stay forever.

The slight of hopelessness that worms its way into the crevices of your brain spreads out into the other aspects of your day-to-day life, the joy that you receive from performing each task, the simple things that made everything else worth it, was drained through every fibre of your being. Restaurant stops weren’t an option anymore, cafe visits were a no-go, you just have to head straight home from work, recharge, and do it all over again. 

So much so that you don't realize there’s someone in pursuit of you after you carry yourself through the subway, until you’re backed up against a brick wall and a knife lodges its way into your shoulder. You don’t scream, you can’t. Because they have a gloved hand pressed up against your gaping mouth. Well, you are making noise, sputtered and choked. 

It was only a matter time before you lost enough blood to pass out. Your eyes glossed over and the brick scratched against the back of your head as you begun to slump in the culprit’s grasp. As you were falling, you felt the hand on your mouth tighten as they removed the knife from your body. 

Everything else that follows happens in a haze. It almost felt like your spirit itself was separate from your body, being a passenger instead of the driver. There is someone talking to you, you think. Hurried whispers and worried murmurs, here and there. 

“Stay wi… now…” 

“You… afe…. prom…” 

“... upid… St…” 

~

Nueva York’s hospitals had never brought comfort for you. They were overly sterile, suffocating, and intolerable. You’ve only had to go once in the entire period that you’ve lived in the city, and it has forever soured what you’ve thought of the establishment. But this place? It was nothing like that.

When you had awoken, warm light bounced off of sage and dandelion patterned sheets. Your head had been carefully positioned up on plush pillows that matched the bedding, the room was nicely furnished and decorated like it was actually meant to be a liveable space rather than just a holding for patients. On your bedside table, there was a bouquet of flowers along with a ‘Get Well Soon’ card. 

It was truly puzzling. It was still dark out, the sky hadn't even looked like it moved since you got stabbed. Wouldn’t seem like even your friends that lived in the same area would have caught wind and came to see you. 

Suffice to say, your answer is right next to you. 

A strange man was sitting at the chair next to your bed, bouncing his leg as his eyes were glued to a watch-looking contraption on his wrist. Your eyes widened and your jaw fell agape, movements that he could pick up from the corner of his eye as he turned to you. 

Shock, this was the guy that saved you?!

He wasn’t anything short of attractive. His hair was a dark chestnut, slicked back save for a few strands you can only assume fell out of place from the scuffle with your attacker. He had a sharp jaw, strong nose, and thick lips. Crimson eyes too, oddly enough. Eh, you can look past that. 

You want to smile, you almost do, but it doesn’t even get the chance to fall from your face when he looks at you with a scowl. “I thought I could leave you alone long enough for you to not get into any shocking messes.” 

That voice. It’s way too easy to recognize, to put the pieces together. Your face twists to one of distaste that matches his own, you almost shriek. “Spider-M—?!” 

Almost instantly, he leans forward and presses a finger to his lips. A very obvious gesture for you to shut up, but you just couldn’t believe what you were seeing really. Among all nights you were expecting him to reveal his face to you, if it were even a possibility to begin with, you would have never expected it to be tonight. 

“Could you keep it down?” He scoffs, slumping back in his chair when he’s reassured that you’re not going to scream bloody murder. You narrow your eyes a little, trying to convince yourself that this isn’t a hallucination from all of the blood that you lost. 

“I- I don’t get it. You saved me again? Where even are we?” 

“It’s a private clinic, you would be too easy of a target if you were brought to one of the general hospitals.” It explains the pleasant decoration and nicer atmosphere, although you were sure that this place would have your bill shooting through the roof. It was expensive enough at the general hospitals, just imaging how much you’d have to pay here. “If you’re worried about the cost, don’t.” 

The horrifying implications of that statement were that he had already settled the charge for you, it’s a debt that you’re going to be stuck with for a while because there is no way in hell that you can scrape up that much money with just your job alone. Maybe revising your resume would be a good idea when you get discharged…

“Listen to me, you need to quit your job.” 

Nevermind, not as nice of an atmosphere anymore. “I’m sorry, what?” 

“You could have died tonight if I hadn’t caught you in that alleyway, rapidly losing blood. I can’t always be there for you, I can’t always save you, or everyone for that matter. Find– find something safer, or work from home. I don’t care. I just can’t– you shouldn’t–”

Whatever seems to be on his mind can’t find its way out through words, you can see it in the way that his lips purse and his eyes go from exasperated to defeated. His shoulders shake with slightly trembling breaths as he ruffles his hair with bruised fingers. All behaviors you’ve noticed when you’ve seen him geared up, but it feels so much realer now that he’s unmasked. Vulnerable. For you. 

Sympathy burns your skin, watching him so disheveled over the fact that this really could have been your last night alive. Never in your right mind would you have thought that he cared this much, a name is at the tip of your tongue. You don’t know what to call him, his alias feels wrong in this moment. 

“I… I know.” You shift closer to his side on your bed, “But I can’t quit. I’m not only doing this for pay, there are people out there that need my help too. It’s scary for me too, but it’s not enough to stop me fom doing what I need, want, to do.” 

There is a fraction of understanding in the way he looks at you. He knows, deep down, that he can’t change your mind. He thought that maybe, if he begged enough, if he tried harder, the world would keep you a little safer. But he knows as well, deep down, that isn’t true. There’s a chance that it will never be true. 

Though, you don’t know that. You probably never will. 

The very least he could do is protect you, more than he already is. He was never supposed to stay here, waiting for you to wake up. By your side, as the lamp’s light shone down you and blessed your gentle features. He never should have revealed his face to you, spilled his guts, and trusted you to be careful with them. He knows what happens when that’s the case. 

“It’s Miguel. O’Hara.” 

You’re taken aback by this sudden breach in his personal identity, but of course, it isn’t unwelcome. “Alright then. Good to finally have a name to the face, Miguel. I won’t tell anyone, for once.” 

He has a little bit of heart to chuckle at that, but it fades quickly. “... I’m still– thinking about your situation though.” 

“I appreciate you covering everything and the concern, but I’ll be fine. If you really do worry and care for me an awful lot though, then we can keep in touch.” You drawl out the last statement with a teasing lilt, offering a smile to lift the tense air in the room. 

He doesn’t acknowledge it, or deny it even. He just stares at you with an expression you haven’t sene his face long enough to decipher him for, before he nods. The corner of his lips curling upward, only a tiny bit. 

“We will.”

[paper-mario-wiki]

i have been struggling to find it, you seem like you might know tho.

i think you may have reblogged it or maybe you've seen it but it's an actor redoing a photoshoot of an older actor wearing like a really thick and soft looking sweater and the modern photo's sweater is just depressingly thin and lame? do you know of any avenues I could use to look for one of those really thick soft knit sweaters?

you seem to be good at finding 'vintage' or otherwise good clothes so have you seen anything like this in your travels thank u

i think ive seen that, let me look it up for you.

i remember the specific context of the discourse around that post was highlighting the difference in quality between a genuine Aran sweater (super fancy special expensive irish heirloom knitting technique, thats as best as i can summarize off the top of my head), and a fast fashion sweater made of cheap bullshit materials warn by a stupid dumb- sorry i started thinking about how shit the modern fashion industry is my insults started pouring onto the dude in the picture whose name escapes me. i remember hes from parks and rec so i'll look up the IMDb for it. i dont remember his name but i remember his face and his bit. he was the really energetic neuvo-yuppy freak who was always doing weird fashion stuff, or so ive gathered from my limited knowledge of that show.

ben shwartz! so if i look up "ben shwartz aran sweater"

here ya go!

actually looking at him he is kind of a doofus in that rinky dink thin ass bullshit nothing sweater. i dont think he IS one but he looks like one here, i feel.

anyway, this has been the process of finding that thing you wanted. thanks for stopping by.

oh wait i just reread the question, u were looking for how to buy old vintage stuff. uhhh ebay, vestiaire collective, and uhh. i mean if you'd be willing to just buy from an actual aran sweater company, which would be similarly spendy to buy a genuine vintage one in good condition, you can buy one made of recycled wool from an irish knittery called Sheep Inc, who display the carbon offset each individual product they produce creates.

they could be secretly evil, i dont know because this is all information ive had to dust off from the back of my mind.

anyways, i hope that you have found something similar to what you were looking for.

[maxedes]

Nico Rosberg gave his opinion on the whole George & Max fight on Sky Germany before FP3. Here is the translation.

Peter Hardenacke: „Nico, you are close to the Mercedes team and know both drivers pretty well. What is your opinion on this dispute?“

Nico Rosberg: „Well first of all, I think we all want Verstappen and Russell starting next to each other in the race.“

(PH: „That’d be good“)

NR: „I think that’d be my biggest wish. (laughs) It’s obviously incredibly funny to watch. From the outside at least! Internally It’s super stressful, because the whole world is watching & participating. Your family, your team, the team principals have started a fight. Toto Wolff & Christian Horner. It takes up so much energy. It’s so stressful internally. But from the outside it’s incredible. On the one side we have ‚the street fighter’ Max Verstappen, I think he’s (inaudible because of wheel guns :/), partly rightfully so & George Russell who’s… well, I don’t know, trying to… The dutch people say he should get put back into his, what do you call it? The thing you push babies around in?“

PH: „A stroller?“


NR: „Yeah, they say should be sitting in a stroller with toys in his hand“

PH: „Oh, so George Russell is too soft? You think so too?“

NR: „Well you can’t call him soft! He’s fighting super hard, really pouncing on it now. He’s holding his line and pushes back. Can’t call that soft, it’s good!“

PH: „Is that his way of putting himself into his new role at Mercedes as the team leader, once Lewis leaves?“

Ralf Schumacher: „I think so, yes. Seems like he made it his mission to improve himself and stand stronger and harder, but it isn’t really authentic. I don’t buy it. I believed Max when he said that George knows what he wants and isn’t really straightforward and honest about it. That’s by the way what you keep on hearing from internal sources, that Geore changed his personality quite a lot and not only in a positive way and I think you can notice that based on his comments.“

PH: „Nico?“

NR: „Hmm I’m gonna stick to… Well I see what [Ralf] means, and I think it’s partially true, but…

RS: „It’s still entertaining though!“

NR: „For sure, incredibly entertaining but obviously you can understand George’s perspective. The rule is he has to stay over his minimum delta time and the other driver has to move over. That’s the basis of this whole thing. Hence…anyway“

PH: „Netflix was filming the drivers parade in Qatar and was super close to the dispute between the two of them there. It was going on for three to four minutes and they had two cameras on it, but the sentence George mentioned about Max threatening to bash his head into a wall apparently wasn’t said. We’re looking forward to the DTS episode.“

NR: „No you should absolutely believe George. He wouldn’t make that up.“

PH: „But Max also said he made it up!“

NR: „Well, come on! I’m not so sure about that. It certainly happened. Pretty believable that Max would say something like that! I mean he’s the one that said in a press conference once that he’d headbutt the journalists if they kept rubbing him the wrong way.“

PH: „Oh, he really said that?“ (truly shocked hahaha)

NR: „Yes of course! Back then… So it’s not surprising he’d say something like that. He’s a just a ‚street fighter.’

Disclaimer: this is my translation & not a word by word. If I made some grave mistakes or misquoted them I am open to constructive (!) criticism.

If you can make out what he said while the wheel gun was going of please tell me.

Sorry if the video quality is trash, had to compress the video because it was too big originally

I love Nico, George & Max, so i enjoy a good discourse but blatant hate against anyone in reblogs/comments will be blocked