#sorry to be like

[tarragonthedragon]

ik there's a lot going on in the uk rn (lol) but while the government was collapsing it was ruled unlawful to not hire someone on the basis of them being a transphobe

so thats not good, and the coverage of this has been pretty much overwhelmingly joyful and celebratory. this is exactly what terfs wanted, and now they can say anything they want about trans people and face no consequences

[skairebel]

sorry for not being very active lately, even on discord, i know i keep coming back for two minutes and disappearing again, i guess it’s just a combination of things, not feeling the rpc, being tired 24/7, most of my partners are also gone, i guess the lack of bell and all the show stuff kind of diminishing that excitement, i wanted the last few months to be a fun send off and to have all this creative energy as it comes to an end, but that just hasn’t happened for me

this isn’t a goodbye or anything, just an update or explanation, but i truly hope all of you are having a good time, in and out of this fandom, you deserve it, be good to each other and take care of yourselves <3

[pommegranatte]

Stu Mackenzie baked me some brownies.

[bee-a-ts]

i hate being in this place of so much not happening. this in between state where i’m just waiting and there’s nothing i can do about anything but everything continues to be fucked in the meantime. like my apartment is unlivable and the landlords refuse to fix it. like my roommate is nearly 30 and has caused so much property damage and isn’t even aware of it. like the fact that the people i was supposed to see today both postponed and i’m having a horrible depression week and all day i’ve been trying to ignore the magnetism of the box in my closet with the exacto knives.

like the goddamned brain tumor i’ve been dealing with for almost a year and will continue to be dealing with at minimum for three more. like moving, like waiting on my same shitty landlords to get back to my hopefully new landlord with a referral only to move into a space that’s 300% smaller than my current one. 

like waiting for the phone call that my grandma, my last grandparent, who stopped drinking water two weeks ago, has finally passed which could come at literally any minute. i feel like i can’t grieve yet because it hasn’t happened yet but it’s happening now, it’s always happening, i’ve been losing people like glaciers since i was nine. i’m so tired. i’m so so tired. i can only take so many self care baths; this isn’t working, but i don’t know how to make it start.

and i just have to, what. live life in the meantime like i don’t have so much shit weighing over me not-happening all the time? work doesn’t give you time off for that. i can’t even write a damn word and i’m supposed to negotiate a new partnership with three major retailers for work over the next week and a half. i’m not looking for answers. but i don’t know what to do.

[aeide-thea]

also i sent person that happypoly post (bc i thought it was an interesting framing and also i wanted em to know where my head was) and then ey called me shortly thereafter, and it was the sort of brief just-in-passing call (ey was grabbing coffee and then dashing to the office) that i often feel a little jerked around by, but for whatever reason this one left me feeling a bunch more settled and satisfied? i mean i still don't think we've quite found our phonecall groove but i think there's enough trust now to keep wobbling along until the wheels fall into alignment, also to be a little quicker to talk about real things, which is what's going to carve that groove—