#sorry this turned out to be an essay orz

[bmpmp3]

i guess “wobbly” isn’t totally the right way to describe what’s going on with my art, a better descriptor might be a sort of “double vision” created through an inevitability turned into an intentionality

(sorry im very sick rn and my sick brain accidentally wrote some barely readable essay about my own artistic techniques orz under da cut)

i think a large part of the reason i gravitate towards drawing analogue vs digital nowadays (ignoring the fact that i have spatial issues and i can keep track of proportions much easier on paper than on a screen) is that like, at least in my experience (growing up on deviantart LOL) traditional art, while being less popular online (at least, growing up on deviantart it was), also allowed way more room for visual mistakes and imperfections than digital art did. i think sometimes, at least for me, having an undo button ended up putting a weird perfectionism on me instead of being a useful tool orz

YOU MAY have noticed my double/triple lines in my linework, especially in long, uninterrupted lines, that’s what i mean by inevitability turned intentionality: its a sort of “line correction” like one would do when doing a rough sketch except for some ungodly reason i do it during my very permanent inking stage LOL jk jk its actually several very good reasons: you know how many artists find their rough sketches look better than their final linework? part of that is because your eyes bring in all the competing sketchy lines together as one cohesive sort of “vibe” of a line, making it look exactly how your brain thinks it should look to be “correct”

another reason is that, going back to the spatial issues, the dysgraphia is inevitable and i will always end up strange, jerky lines no matter the sketch stage or the ink stage, no matter how careful i am no matter how careless, its something that’s stuck with me for 24 years and i can usually write my b’s and d’s without a reference nowadays (the z’s are still questionable) but it’s always present - SO i’ve found, especially in the past couple years, embracing it is vital

hold on, here’s some examples of my double lines:

THIS drawing around the legs is a REALLY clear example lol

you can see what happened, the red lines are what i attempted to draw first, my dysgraphia then caught up to me half way through bringing in those big wobbles, and then i added the blue lines as a sort of corrective buffer

this one had a LOT, the orange lines were likely what were drawn first. you can kind of tell that i tend to ink from the face first because as i get to the body i get more tired and the more corrective lines need to be drawn LOL

of course there’s exceptions: i think with this girl I hadn’t done any warmup sketching (just drawing vague circles and swirls and lines or maybe a blobby creature doodle LOL) and my hands were hashtag unsteady hjdskfjds

of course when i said inevitiability turned intentionality, i do mean that part of it is done intentionally: on purpose. that’s part of embracing it: it really does just look good and feel good to draw like this. like here i can’t remember or tell which lines were drawn first, i just know it felt right where i placed all my doublelines

i think that’s why i had to stop doing digital art for a while, it tends to not be super conducive to this style of drawing, or at least i haven’t quite gotten the hang of it (despite doing digital art since i was 10 LOL). i remember like 90% of the stuff i would draw digitally, instead of letting my doublelines through i would just ctrl+z and redraw the line 3000000 times until it was “perfect” orz a fools errand that created way more work for myself and was nawt great for my drawing health (both physically and mentally very exhausting). i hope someday i can work out some techniques im happy with that make digital art feel as easy as analogue art has become for me

my chosen medium for colouring in traditonal art also helps i think, i originally gravitated towards watercolour because it was faster and easier on the hands than pencil crayons (especially as a person with this many ocs with black and brown hair LOL my pencil crayons were STUBS while the other colours were nearly untouched) but it also allows for you to get SLOPPY with it LOL painting outside the lines feels SO good and right and not painful WOULD RECOMMEND. plus, i think you can see it in my drawing of Su up there with her brown hair, because to build up deeper colours in watercolour i find it easiest to do it in layers + i cant mimic the brushstrokes very easily, i end up with these sort of simple gradations around all my drawings which i think has a similar i-liked-the-rough-sketch-best effect that the doublelines have, the weird aura tricks the brain into filling in the blanks

of course my lineart style is not super conducive for digital art colouring, paintbucket filling this shit is a NIGHTMARE jkgdfldsjhfkds that’s another thing i gotta do a lot of experimentation with..............

anyway WHAT im trying to say is sometimes the best thing you can do for your art is let your arms draw the way they want to. (also im tricking your eyes into seeing the best version of my art with my fuzzy colouring and double-lined inking. bmpmp3′s trick hee hee)

[the-hinata-project]

How do you set up a week like this? I mean, the part where you actually manage to get people involved with it?

That’s an interesting question! I assume you mean getting people to participate when the event actually runs?

The main things you need, regardless of how many followers you have: posts that advertise and explain your event, and tagging those posts appropriately!

Some bonus things: something eye-catching about those posts (fanart/sprites and banners for the event), probably multiple posts about the event to keep people thinking about it, and getting help from friends or outside sources willing to plug in and promo your event! Your own followers may help, so never disregard your own blog!

The success of the event depends on: The subject of the event (How popular is the ship/character/series?) and how much effort you put in (Does it look like you actually care about the event? Does it look like you will respect the participants and their fanworks? Do you seem reliable enough to handle the event? Are you approachable? How do you handle criticism and hecklers? Did you organize it well?)

If you want details, I can only give you my own experience with events. (It’s under the cut because, well, I can’t be concise...)

I’ve only ever run one ship week before, and that was completely on my own at the time. I say “on my own,” but I actually did have support, namely my friends and mutual followers on my main account, spreading the word whether they were actually interested in participating in the event, or not! I am very thankful to them for putting up with it XD

There’s also tagging posts appropriately by the characters/ships involved in the event (in this case, Hajime and Izuru). And I really have to hope that the post shows up in the tags. I keep making sure after the post is created that the post shows up where it is supposed to (in other words, don’t put external links in your posts whatsoever! Not even links to polls). Also, you want to make sure to post it at a time you know people are active. To me, it seemed like around 10AM or 3PM PST will work.

People like me actually do surf Tumblr through the tags, so when they are interested in the event (as I’m sure they must be at least somewhat if they are surfing through the main character tags), they would hopefully reblog the post and their followers may be interested and reblog from them, and the cycle will hopefully continue. Reblogs are so important. Likes... don’t tell me much except that you are interested? And that’s a maybe as well.

A lot of it has to do with whether people are interested in what the event is about. Hajime/Izuru is a rather popular character who people love, so not to sound like as if I’m bragging or anything, but I do expect this event to gain traction based on that.

However, even less liked character/pairings can get some traction! I know for my ship week, I put a lot of effort into making sure people knew about the event. I actually went over what is expected, lol. I made polls to get as may people involved as possible and check how many would be interested in participating. I made quite a lot of pixel art leading up to the event, as well, and with each post, it’s another chance someone new will see it and be interested in the event.

And Kamu//Koma Week, for example, would occasionally get fanart made by their friends (mostly pixel art) and answer asks and tag these in the main tags (their ship tag mostly, and the character tags too maybe). They also had some polls made to get people involved- I mean it is both more advertising and it helps get people engaged and hyped about the event.

Both me and that mod relied on the tag system and our own followers. If you do own a blog that has a lot of followers, definitely use it! And if not,it’s very much possible to get attention. Like for me, I don’t have an insane amount of followers, and I have seen people who don’t have many followers have very successful events. Still, whatever followers you have, make sure to reblog your posts on your own blog!

Another thing you can do is respectfully ask for people who do have a lot of followers (like ask blogs, for example) to help you make your event known. If they don’t get to your ask, don’t be pushy with it, please ^^;

For this event, I could rely a lot on the tag system, my mutuals were helping spread the word, and I was able to get @/ask-hinapape to help! (Let’s say we had connections XD) I’ve seen people ask ask blogs and confession blogs for promos before, as well!

Mod Kusamochi, Mod Ahoge, and I each made something to promote the event! I drew the icon, Mod Kusamochi made the header (Also was put on our submission guidelines post) and Mod Ahoge made the “Uncle Hinata” poster on our Mods Intro post! To attract people to your event, having an attractive post is going to help you. Make sure it is something that centers on what your event is about, of course, but also try to make it pretty! Using a lot of colors might help, or maybe it is a moving gif.

It is not that fanart is necessary, either! You can use sprites or official art and just edit it. I mean, for the ship week I ran, I took already-made transparents or transparented stuff on my own and added a background that was actually just the background of other official art, but zoomed in or replicated into a pattern. You can also ask friends to help you out if you’re not that great with making fanart/sprite edits! And if you claim to have no friends, you can always request/commission someone else to help!

Having organization in an event is going to help as well! Make sure you give people time to think about the event you’re planning  so that they can organize themselves. A week is very short notice, a month is better, but might not be ideal enough for people to time themselves. When the event occurs is also going to affect how many people can participate. Make sure when you plan it, people have the time to submit something.

You want to have some rules, as well. First, you have to figure out just how is it that people are submitting their entries. For example, most events have you use specific tags. As a mod, you go to those tags and reblog them to the event’s blog. You can also have people submit their entries to the blog, and you tag or mention who created the submission.

It’s also great to have backups! Make yourself available and approachable in case something goes wrong. Do they need more time? Did you miss their entry? Did they accidentally break a rule?

If you need help creating rules, then try looking up other ship weeks for guidance on how they had set up their guidelines!

You also do not want too many restrictions, especially not something controversial, like “none of these ships are allowed”, or “none of that character”, or “these headcanons are not allowed”. Give people more freedom, and you’ll find you run into less problems. It may even be that no one was planning to draw/write something about the things you restricted them on, but because you restricted it, now they demand you let them. Or, if you had perceived there would be a problem, it might just be that there never would have been one to begin with. Don’t create drama, you’re only going to hurt the event and yourself.

And on the rare occasion, you may come across hecklers. The first time, you might respond. Try to not confront them even if they are rude- remain calm. It may just be that what you think is an insult to the event is just curiosity worded a bit strongly. They don’t like the ship? Explain that all participants are going to use a specific tag or tags they can block, or that they will all be tagged with the ship name, so they may as well block that. Same goes to specific characters. They don’t like how you run the event? Ask them what they wanted changed, or tell them that if they want to create their own event, they can. If they or others keep filling up your inbox- ignore it. It hurts, but don’t give in to the bait. There’s an event you are running with people that actually care for the subject- you focus on that. Don’t bring all the negativity hecklers want to pollute the event with. They want people to feel bad about participating in the event. You stay strong, and the participants will too.

Be open, be willing to make changes, be willing to stand up for yourself when needed, and most importantly, show that you actually care. Make sure that it is known that you find the event important enough to have created it and will treat it with the care and effort necessary.

You can feel the difference between someone that gave their event a lot of thought, and someone that didn’t plan ahead as much as they could have. And I’m not pointing fingers at any particular event- I’ve seen a few events that were not planned that well. But for the most part, I’ve seen a lot of mods who created events they genuinely cared for.

To me, a successful event is not measured how many people participated. A successful event is one where those that participated and the mod(s) feel genuine pride at what has been created for the event. If the goal was to expand a ship, then even one fanwork is more than what it had once been. If the goal is to show more appreciation for something, then even if only a few people actually participated, you now know who it is that shared your love for the subject. For me, I found that the most valuable knowledge- knowing you are not alone in your love for that subject.

All-in-all, if you want to create an event, whether it is a ship week, a secret exchange, or an appreciation week for a character/series/etc, just make sure that you and the participants are able to have fun and that you are able to be heard by the people who’d like to participate.

This turned out to be... quite the lecture, lol. Sorry XD I hope this was informative though!

-Mod WORLD DESTROYER

[actualbird]

(post here)

not adding this to the post itself bc i am beyond terrified of adding commentary and i go off into another direction HAHA but yeah. yeah.

when you're some kind of creator or artist who draws upon real life or memory as inspiration, this state of being is a blessing and a curse. i write fiction and nonfiction, and a lot of what i write is derivative from my own experiences, so im extra aware of what is happening to me at all times, just in case i can use it later for art. which is fine for me normally tbh, like it makes me be more aware of all my experiences, makes me appreciate every day and what it brings. i personally dont mind the constant voyeur that is myself in my mind making me keep track of every experience with a notepad and pen.

but it gets Not Fine when like. the dynamic shifts from "this is my life as it is, it can be used for art perhaps" to "my life Must Be Art, Must Be Mine-able For Future Content, Must Be A Good Story, or else how will a create worthwhile things in the future?"

THAT is INCREDIBLY FUCKY TO THE BRAIN and i rate it 0/10 stars and i hope nobody ever ever ever experiences it. if you do, god, im so sorry, and i havent figured out a way to fix mine yet orz.

it's a bad time because life.....isnt designed to be a good narrative. life in it's original form is Just Like That, it doesnt follow the rules of art or literature, and trying to mold your life into those rules will cause a Lot of bad feelings. as an example, when i relapsed into Bad Mental Illness time, a few months ago, all i could think about was how sucky this was for my one essay where i talked about my mental recovery, how shitty of a narrative that is to finally reach the top, the ending of the story, and then start from the bottom again. "it's not a good story" morphs into "im not living life correctly" and ehhhhh you can see how damaging that kind of mindset is....

somebodys always watching, in your head. it's you. and based on how you live your life, that watcher-who-is-you will either be more present or less present. i dont think theres a way to "turn off" this part of the brain that wants to watch and pick your life for things to turn into art, but hopefully staying grounded in the fact that life is just Life can help keep watcher-who-is-you from staying as just that. a watcher. not the one trying to call the shots

i havent had breakfast yet, so this all probably reads like mumbo jumbo!!!

[thosch3i]

Fic Writer Interview Game

was tagged by @extraordinarilyextreme <3 thank you so much! was out all day and only got around to this now lol

name: emmy/thosch3i whatever u wanna call me, it’s all good lol

fandoms: currently, only dmbj but previously also zhenhun. most of my fics on my ao3 are still weilan but maybe one day i’ll kick my ass into gear and write more pingxie LOL.

two-shots: ......I only write one-shots i’m sorry LOL

most popular multi-chapter fic: ............i really do only have one-shots man im sorry. most popular fic in general is going viral, at 840 kudos. shen wei vs technology in covid-era online classes lol. glad all 840 of you were coping with this pandemic well(?????)

actual worst part of writing: getting ideas from brain onto paper. talking about fun angsty ideas in dms? awesome! actually writing them? uhhhhhhhhhhh [sweats] also lol finding time to write. i feel like i never have time these days but maybe my time management is just...terrible.

how you choose your titles: i write the entire fic and then panic throw a random line that sounds vaguely related as the title. idk what im doing, ever, dont ask me things. *lies down*

do you outline?: usually yeah. most of the time my writing goes horribly south from the actual outline anyway though. (everything’s fine folks i promise--) though sometimes for short fics i’ll just have a general idea and start typing. and then it turns into like 15k words and i despair

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: all of my old weilan fics lol. i had a huge 20k outline for a weilan x dbh crossover with android shen wei and Plot and Twists and Betrayal and Revelations and whatnot and honestly i was rly hyped to write it, i got 50k for nanowrimo two years ago but ehhhh i just dont have the brain for guardian anymore....im only capable of fixating on one fandom at a time. looking through my guardian wips i also have multiple other soulmate AUs, a literal ghost!sw + human!zyl AU with a whole other plot, urban fantasy demon!sw + human(?)zyl again with....more plot. lol i give up on life *shrugs*

callouts @ me: write faster and also read more fics in english instead of chinese because you’re forgetting how the english language works at this point, dumbass

best writing traits: i legit do not know. descriptions? fluff? pining? lol help

spicy tangential opinion: hmmm...mainly, i dont read much eng dmbj fanfic bc i dont vibe with most popular eng fandom fanon/characterization, sorry 😅 uhhhhh i also really hate it when people forget that xg & pz have their own friendship and relationship independent of wx......pz tends to bring out xg’s playful side at times, which un showed w their last couple eps and also there’s a novel extra where xg pranks pz (&wx but mostly pz bc wx sees through it p quickly) with a fake zombie turtle and it’s rly cute lol. anyway t3j’s relationship is the heart of dmbj and it can’t be intruded upon or broken up by others, esp by chongqi/rain village. uhhhh another spicy opinion: i vastly prefer huaxiu to hei///hua, sorry guys orz i blame tlt2...huaxiu are too cute ;;;;;; anyway ill stop there before the entire dmbj tumblr fandom blocks me LOL. (i also have too many Opinions(tm) about characterization.)

but anyway, so like im definitely a cranky judgy bastard at times, but in the end fanfic is fanfic so u can write whatever ooc crackship crack premise stuff you want, have fun with it. i certainly do too. as long as you’re having fun then that’s all that matters. tangentially related, dramas don’t have to be Objectively Good/Amazing or anything for you to like them. i definitely have very strong opinions on dmbj adaptations for example re: how they respect the novel and characterization of t3j especially, but they all have their own problems....(some far more serious than others). i could write an essay about that but i wont, to save your eyes LOL. 

(i mean at the end of the day i unironically love time raiders and that is like an objectively terrible movie.)

tagging: im so inactive on tumblr im sorry idk anyone anymore. i think lots of dmbj writers have already been tagged but also i dont read much dmbj fanfic so im not sure who else there is OTL @laireshi ik u already got tagged but if u choose to do this i wanna see :D otherwise if you’re a fic writer and you see this please feel free to tag yourself~

EDIT: im a clown sorry laire just saw u already did it lmaoooo

[pickalilywrites]

i read a prompt wrong and wrote the wrong fic for it so imma just toss this one out to the void i’m sorry!!! orz

Ten Years Later

EreTra. High School Reunion AU. 

1752 words. 

Buy me a ko-fi!

Eren hadn’t planned on attending his high school reunion. He still keeps up with his old high school friends, and he’s friends with his old teachers, most of them who have already retired, but he didn’t really have any desire to revisit his youth. Aside from the typical pranks and shenanigans, high school wasn’t particularly memorable to him. When he had received an invitation to the reunion party a few months ago, he had planned on just throwing it away. It was only when he stumbled upon a particular post on Facebook that he changed his mind, and he scrambled to his recycling bin to dig out the invitation. He RSVP’d immediately after that and wrote the date on his calendar. Ever since then, he counted down the days until his high school reunion, telling himself that he was eager to see his old high school and former classmates, but he was really only interested in seeing one person in particular.

He sees her first, but he doesn’t approach her. He keeps her in the corner of his eye, watching as she talks to former classmates and teachers, both new and old. He intends not to approach her at all, thinking that it might be better just to watch her from a distance, but a part of him wants her to notice him. It must be why he doesn’t stay in the corner of the gymnasium, hidden behind the crowd of people. Eventually, he finds himself drifting closer and closer to her. When they’re close enough, he pretends to be occupied with the variety of refreshments that have been set on the table, and when she finally sees him, he pretends to be surprised.

“Eren! I didn’t know you were coming!”

He turns around, feigning shock for a second, and then breaks into a wide grin. “Why wouldn’t I be here, Petra?” he asks. He stands up straighter when the short, ginger woman approaches him, towering over her. He had always been taller than her, but it seems he’s grown even taller since he had last seen her. “This is my high school reunion, after all. It makes more sense for me to be here than you.”

“I guess that’s true,” she laughs. Although they had gone to high school together, Petra was two years older than him – a senior when he was a sophomore. It was during his second year that he had met her while she was working after school as an English tutor, and he had spent far too many afternoons at the library asking her to proofread his essays. “I’m only here to chaperone. You know that I became a teacher?”

“I think I saw that on Facebook,” he says with a smile. He’s known about it ever since she had first announced it, but he only pretends as if he’s just recalling this fact. He thinks it suits her incredibly well – working with kids, preparing essay prompts, proofreading late into the night – but complimenting her would surely give him away. Instead, he asks, “At this school, right? It must be weird to teach at a school that you used to go to.”

“A little bit. I still feel weird being so casual with Pixis. He insists that I call him by his first name, but I don’t think I ever could,” Petra laughs. She glances behind her where the old history teacher was currently talking to other teachers before turning back to Eren. When she smiles, he finds that his heart still flutters the same way it did when he was a high schooler. “What about you? Did you ever become a great writer?”

“No,” Eren replies with an apologetic shrug. He looks down at the floor, shuffling his feet. “I became a police officer, actually.”

Petra raises her eyebrows in surprise. “A police officer?” she repeats, tilting her head. She studies him for a second before smiling again. “It makes sense now that I think about it. It really suits you.”

“Yeah?” Eren grins. He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I actually did do a few writing competitions in college. I won a couple too.”

“Really?” Petra asks excitedly, clasping her hands together. “I always loved your writing. It was always so passionate. I can only imagine that it’s gotten better over the years.”

Truth be told, Eren didn’t really like writing until he met her. He was never good at academics and was content with the B’s and C’s he received in his classes. The only reason he even went to tutoring in his sophomore year was because he couldn’t afford to fail his English class. When he had arrived at the library and given his half-assed essay to the cute upperclassman, he was afraid she would laugh at him. While she read his paper, eyes narrowed and a pensive frown on her face, he fidgeted in the seat across from her, waiting to hear her critiques. When she had finally placed the paper down in front of him – scribbles of light blue notes all over the margins – he was sure she would tell him that it was hopeless, but she simply pointed out sections of his writing he should highlight, even praising him for the way he used language, before giving him a few pointers on how to better organize his thoughts. By the time Petra had told Eren she was looking forward to reading his next draft, he was already planning how he would edit his essay, which was something that had never happened before. He thinks that was when he fell in love with her – when she told him she was excited to see him again.

“I still write sometimes. Not a lot, but every once in a while,” he tells her. Letters, mostly, all addressed to her, but he would never think of letting her read them even though he knows she would cherish every word. He keeps them in a shoebox under his bed where no one except for him knows about them.

“I’m glad,” she says. He loves that look on her face – that small smile, the way her amber eyes soften, and that slight tilt of her head as she looks at him – and remembers how she would wear that same expression when he had told her he had gotten an A on his paper.

This is the part where he should say goodbye before he says too much, but he doesn’t want to part ways just yet. Wistfully, he glances at the dancefloor where people are dancing to something soft and slow. He should know better than to extend his hand to her, inviting her for just one dance, but he does anyway, and he’s over the moon when she accepts.

They dance together, but Eren feels as if they’re floating. He wonders if he’s smiling too much, and he wonders if she notices. She probably doesn’t; she hadn’t noticed all those years ago, and she certainly won’t now. She doesn’t notice that he gazes at her with affection meant for more than a friend, or that he places his hand on her waist so sweetly and delicately. She doesn’t notice how he leads her across the room, careful not to step on her toes. She doesn’t notice how he looks at her, admiring her in her green and black dress – more casual than what anyone else is wearing, but he thinks she looks the most stunning out of everyone in the room. And she doesn’t notice at the rueful expression on his face when he glances at the diamond on her ring finger, wishing he had been the one to bestow the jewel on her.

They reminisce about their youth, catch up on their present, and contemplate about their futures. Hearing her stories, listening to her laugh, seeing her smile, it makes Eren regret never reaching out to her after she graduated, believing that seeing her occasional social media updates would be enough. He thinks, for a moment, that everything would have been different if he had called her at least once. Maybe she wouldn’t have been oblivious to his feelings towards her. Maybe she would have understood all those longing looks he gave her. Maybe it would be his ring sitting on her finger instead of someone else’s. But he knows that none of this is true.

The music fades, something more energetic and upbeat taking its place, but Eren’s hands fall away from her and he puts them back in his pocket, knowing that he has overstepped the boundaries he had set. They stand across from each other, a small distance between them. It’s a distance that Eren wishes he could close, but he knows he never will.

“It was great seeing you again, Petra,” he says, and he genuinely means it.

“It was nice seeing you too,” Petra smiles. She looks over his shoulder, waving at someone behind him. To Eren, she says, “My husband looks like he wants me. Isn’t he so needy? He hates places like these, but he still came anyway because he didn’t want to be at home alone.”

“You should go to him,” he tells her with a polite smile. Eren doesn’t turn around. He has no desire to see her husband. He’s already seen her wedding photos on her Facebook; she married her high school boyfriend, and she was happy. That’s all he really needs to know.

“Yeah,” she laughs. She moves past him, turning around to give him a small wave. “Have fun tonight, Eren! Maybe we can see each other later!”

He doesn’t think so. He thinks he’s going to head out early, but he doesn’t say that out loud. He simply waves at her instead before making his way out of the building. The cool night air hits his skin. He closes his eyes, breathing it in.

It’s strange. Ten years later, and he still feels his heart race when he sees her the same way it did when they were high schoolers. In the end, he never managed to confess his feelings to her, but that doesn’t really matter. He had done what he had meant to do – see her and see if she was happy. And it was nice, seeing her again. Now he could rest easy knowing that she was content with her life. He can close that chapter in his life. But he knows he never will. Not really.

[asreoninfusion]

ALL THAT IS IS SO FRICKEN CUTE I LOVE IT. TELL ME MORE!! :D I WANT TO HAVE A FULL REPORT! XDD!!

Ahahahaha, okay. I’ll do one big explanation of everything that went down for you guys (as much as I can, I tried explaining it to my mum and she was very confused) and then I think it’ll be time for me to call it a day and stop harping on about the show stuff in general. ^^;; 

I do apologise for this slight deviation in content, we’ll be returning to your regularly scheduled FFVII blogging shortly. And I’ll keep all the youtube-related stuff on the sideblog I created just for that purpose, I don’t know why I’m so bad at keeping things where they’re meant to be.

Also this will probably get super long, so under the cut we go. (Also beware spoilers for the Markiplier show!!! If anyone’s worried about that.)

Hoo boy. Okay. Where do we start, howmuch detail do you want? xD Are we talking just the going on stage part all thewhole evening?

(I’m going to go for mainly just the on stage part because I’ve left it very late alreadyfor answering this and I need to sleep. >>)

But!! The day was pretty hectic cause Ihad 9am to 2pm straight lectures and labs, and then took a taxi straight to thestation and left for Nottingham then, which meant I had to do my lab in mypoofy dress. xD So that was amusing to start with.

Got to Nottingham, checked into my hotel(such a sweet glory to have a proper hotel room all to myself compared to thehostel I had for Manchester, aaahh), then went pretty much straight to thevenue from there after dumping all my stuff.

I was weak and bought too much merch. I’dalready bought one of the beanies in London, so I thought this time I’d justbuy a sticker set and some badges, that’s pretty cheap right? Well, yes. Thosewere. Until I stood in the queue for too long looking at the merch and beingmore and more tempted by one of the hoodies. I didn’t buy it originally, butthen I gave in and went back for it because I have no self-control lol.

There was the VIP section! Mark’s beenill for like, most of the tour thus far, and for a while his voice was totallygone. Poor dude. Normally he sings in the VIP section, and he did most of hissongs for the Nottingham one. I posted a video of a section of one!! There wereone or two songs he didn’t do because his range wasn’t back up to 100% justyet, but that just meant we got a bit longer for Q&A stuff.

(Uuugh every time I see how far he’s comemusically it reminds me how much I love singing to myself and writing dumbsongs and I want to do things too. ;^; It was a fit of inspiration afterwatching Mark before that led to me buying my whole mic set up I have.)

So then there’s a break between the VIPpre-show and the main show while everyone else comes in and I hung aroundsinging obnoxiously to myself the whole time because Mark put in the mood forsinging oops.

Then the main show!! The way the show is structured is that it’sthe same games and stuff each time, but there’s three different themes thatthey can go with for the show, and the theme is determined at the start. Themethod of determination is that there’s cases you have to pick from, kind of like a deal or nodeal style. Mark and Bob chose a case each (marking their choices with a redor green sticky respectively), and then the audience had to decide who theyagree with via the application of these coloured paddles they give out wheneveryone’s entering the theatre; hold up the colour you want to vote for. Butthe boys are cheaty mc cheatfaces and will never go with what the audiencewants. xD They have to pick one person out of the audience to make the finaldecision. (That was me!!!)

Also the final decision is made by stabbingthe holder of the case you don’t want with a foam sword.

(We got the horror theme for theNottingham show. :D)

I chose Bob’s box and didn’t stab Tyler,so I got to sneak in a hug from him for that. x3 But I also got put in thepunishment corner for not listening to Mark (not complaining 👀). Regardless of the decision, the gag is that Bob decides totry and take over the show anyway by kidnapping Tyler. Ethan and Wade came inas the inept henchmen dressed in ridiculous costumes, and then it was Mark andI, armed with swords, against the others in a stupid slowmo staged sword fightand honestly idek it was the most fucking surreal thing I’ve ever done in my life.

(I found this photo on Twitter!! Creditto Craig Frewey for it.)

So that was how I ended up having a veryone-sided swordfight with a shark??? xD

Man, I hope there’s video of this becauseit’s REALLY HARD TO EXPLAIN WTF WAS EVEN HAPPENING.

Anyway, I rescued Tyler! But while I wasbusy slaying the shark and stealing the golden key of rescue, Bob went and tookMark hostage instead and then I had to choose between saving Tyler or savingMark. Like goddamn, stop giving me so many impossible choices. D:

I may have eeny meeny miny mo’d it.

(But tbh I did kind of want to save Markmore anyway I’m so sorry Tyler but if I had to pick a favourite…… anyway, Iscrewed Mark over earlier not choosing his case, so making it even? xD)

Also look at this fucking pouty babytrying to make me feel bad and convince me to save him.

(Photo from this photoset here, credit to @giggles3475​!)

You deserve only to be saved by atechnicality of eeny meeny miny mo, sir.

Anyway, since I saved Mark, I got to goon a ‘date’ with him; got invited for a candlelit dinner loooool. This is theonly date my aroace ass will accept, I’m good for life now. xD

((One day I want to have thisconversation:Someone: You’ve never had a relationship?You’ve never dated? :0Me: Well there was this one time I had a fakestage date with Markiplier…))

Anywho, the point of that is that it’s anopportunity for Mark to ask a bunch of questions(or Tyler in other cases if the poor sod who gets calledup to take part in this ridiculousness saves Tyler instead), because the next part of the show is that they make an improvisedmusical about that person’s life! ….and I have a fuckin’ weird life.

So Mark started asking me questions aboutwhat I did and stuff, what my poofy dress was all about (‘cause I’d dressed upin my pretty Lolita dress just because why not I never get the chance to dressup), it was all relatively normal at first.

Oh, and Mark asked me if I was seeing theshow with friends or family or anyone; I was just like “nope, I’m here alonelike a sad loser!” and apparently that’s the line that people liked ‘cause I’veseen it quoted somewhere in the tags and in the discord server I’m on inseparate incidences. xD (Mark’s reply was a highly cheerful “alone like a sadloser? Me too!” bless him.)

So it started off normal but then oncethe crocodiles came up… that just got even more surreal, ahahaha. I bet Mark’snever heard that one before. And I did the ‘born in England, moved toAustralia, moved back to England, moved to Australia, back to England again,and then we were in India for a while too…’ spiel that is the quickest way Ican summarise all the back and forth we’ve done. That got brought up in a song.In the most ridiculous way possible fuckin’ honestlyI was just crying over in my corner.

Tiny snippet of that:https://twitter.com/LilyRooney31/status/966821044739854336

And then my poor dear sister, I said shewas my favourite ‘cause she’s cute, she got a skit about her and somehow itended up in a song about pants??? xD Also my mum is apparently now a spy. Thesethings just happen.

There’s a bunch of footage starting fromthe end of the first musical bit and the whole of the second part here: https://www.pscp.tv/w/1djxXdaZXmjxZ

(In the very last few seconds of thatvideo in the side of the screen there’s a me!! I got to hug Mark!!)

I’m slightly worried though that everyonein the audience might think I was bullshitting about a lot of the stuff I said,like I was making stuff up to try and make myself seem cooler?? ‘Cause who the fuckhas crocodiles?? Apart from my freakin’ family. Honestly if I was gonna lie Iwould’ve made it more believable. xD

So, yeah!!! That was what I got to do onstage. I don’t think I embarrassed myself hideously at any point, probably someminor awkwards but I got through it okay. I’m just absolutely fucking kickingmyself now that I had the opportunity rightthere, but I was so worried about not messing it up and like, ‘performing’for the audience that I was hardly paying attention to Mark. There was just. Alot happening. @_@ I feel like I barely even looked him in the eye throughoutit ‘cause I was like what the fuck do I focus on should I try to talk to theaudience so they can see what’s happening? (‘Cause during the sitting downtalking thing if I’d turned to look at Mark properly my back would’ve beentowards the audience, and that seemed rude to them then, so I ended up with akind of sideways thing looking at neither. orz) I feel like I was up there onstage with Mark, but I never talked tohim, if that makes sense?

I really want to find more videos andphotos of my part because it’s still so surreal I’m like wait what did thateven really happen??? I did give my email address to someone who said they hadvideo of the date section so I’m really looking forward to that, and I knowsomeone else has photos, so it should be all good on that front! I needevidence that it wasn’t all just a weird fever dream. I mean. I did have aswordfight with a shark so the fever dream thing is always a possibility.

But anyway. xD That was only the firstpart of the whole show!! I’ve already written and entire damn essay trying toexplain how things went down, so I’m not going to expand on all the otherimprov games they played, but it was a really good time watching the rest of ittoo, and then hanging with people outside, and getting Taco Bell on the wayback to the hotel.

I did not get nearly enough sleep becausehow the heck could I sleep after that I was too pumped, I didn’t fall asleepuntil like three in the morning. And now it’s 1am again ‘cause I spent waaaaaytoo long typing this up, and I reallyneed the sleep, so.

If anyone actually read all that, Isalute you, and also dear god what are you doing with your life.

Lol, but thanks for asking about itAisha! :D

[sitabethel]

Do you have any tips for writers on character development? I swear, you have the best damn Bakura out there. I try to write his character but I always feel like I fall short, and I hate that. Or when I try to write Ryou, it's all cuddles. Nothing wrong with cuddles but wtf. I could never have written him slapping Atem, but it's SO RIGHT. UGGGGGGH. Help, oh great Sita!

Characters need flaws, virtues, and goals (even antagonists). But this ask turned out much longer than I thought, so I’m going to put it under a cut so it doesn’t clutter ppl’s dash.

Both Bakaru figures are actually very similar. I think their biggest difference is that Ryou tends to be altruistic while Bakura tends to be greedy. But both are clever and destructive in their own ways (often self-destructive). 

So you have Ryou shattering his own soul to destroy Bakura’s dice and save his friends in the first RPG (and before that while they fought Zorc in the game, he was converting his own health points into magic in order to protect his friends longer), and at the same time you see Bakura do similar things like stab “himself” to help Marik in Battle City, take over for Ryou so he can absorb Slifer’s blast, and die fighting Yami Marik. The difference between them is Ryou did it for his friends (altruism), but Bakura claims to do it for his goals/plans (selfish/greedy).

However, they’re both clever and one of the reasons I think they wreck themselves so easily is because they often have a back up plan which gives them more confidence. Again, Ryou dies in that first RPG, but he created a copy (white mage Ryou) who gets revived in his body. Bakura dies in Battle City, but he had a copy of his soul in the Puzzle for emergencies (and still gets to come back after Marik forfeits against Yugi). 

So how do you use this to develop their character in a fanfic? In Ryou’s case, the virtue part is easy. He’s polite, he’s loving, he protects his friends. He would never just walk up and slap Atem because it’s funny (Bakura would! but not Ryou), but if you notice before that moment, Atem was being snobby and instead of using Bakura’s name, he calls him a thief. Before that, Yugi had his break down and started crying. There is only so much of “you hurt my friends” that Ryou can put up with. Atem doesn’t even have a good reason for it. He’s not avenging a murdered villages, he’s just feeling sorry for himself, and through out the fic it’s been suggested that he’s been like that since the beginning (so it’s not exactly an impulsive move for Ryou- it was a slow burn anger that finally snapped). Even a polite, loving, nice person like Ryou is going to run out of patience after so much pushing, and that was his moment. 

And currently his goal in Only Human is to seduce Marik, which brings me to another important thing about character development: let your characters fail sometimes! Ryou and Kek’s first attempt isn’t going to work. They’re going to fail, but that’s going to make it even happier latter when they succeed. 

So with Bakura, damn he’s so complex to start with that it really depends on what sort of story you’re writing. I think the “goal” aspect with Bakura is what makes him change the most in a fanfic. So in most fanfics, he loses against Atem, Atem moves on (or maybe it’s like Only Human where Atem’s back, but it’s so obvious that he’s god-protected that there’s nothing Bakura can do about it), Bakura also somehow gets resurrected (with or without Zorc’s influence still corrupting his soul). If Zorc’s influence is still attached to him, he’s going to have a rougher, more sinister character. However, if Zorc’s influence is gone- suddenly Bakura is alive, w/o the goal that’s been his goal for thousands of years, and what the fuck does he do? He needs a new goal, and whatever that goal is will be what defines him as a character in the fic. 

Usually with Bakura, you need to establish at least one social bond. If you’re shipping, that can be a romantic bond, but you can just as easily go with a friendship bond. In fact, even in a romance, it’s a good idea to get Bakura a friend or two *first* and then get him into a romance. And in a romance, the “greedy” part of his character can become fun. Sure, it makes him the kind of person to steal things, and do whatever he wants regardless of the ppl around him, but once he actually likes someone, he can crawl into their lap and become the cuddliest fuck in the world because he *needs all the damn affection he’s never had and he needs it all at once.* (And that’s how cuddle-slut!Bakura can be an in-character thing lol). 

So again, a new goal is going to be what changes Bakura the most. In the zombie fic, his goal is to protect his new family. In Only Human, his goal is split between luring Marik to him (he’s achieved that goal), and coping with the fact that he’s still alive despite having been alive too long (he’s still working on that goal). In Wanted, Bakura’s goal was to pay his rent (by getting a roommate that he doesn’t want to punch). So the goal can be anything from “ending the zombie apocalypse” to “paying rent, bruh.” It doesn’t matter what, just give him something that’s going to make him do things that aren’t… you know, killing the Pharaoh (or do make that the goal, and then let him fail and develop his character that way). 

Good grief, I’m sorry this is an essay. Character development involves a lot of nuance. 

tl;dr characters need virtues (like be protective and clever), and flaws (being self-destructive and/or greedy). They need to goals, but they need to struggle to achieve those goals (don’t let it be easy), and sometimes they need to fail and pick themselves up, dust themselves up, and go for it again, or go for something else. It’s also a good idea to give them something they’re afraid of (Bakura gets a second family- he’s going to be afraid of losing that family). And give them things they love (Yugi loves games, Ryou loves cream puffs, Bakura probably loves sticking a neon loopy straw directly into a pot of black coffee and drink it with a slurp just to piss off everyone else in the kitchen. Give them favorite songs, favorite colors, favorite movies. You *don’t always have to put it in the fic* but know what those things are because it creates a more complex character). The more you build them up in your head, the more you’ll be able to show what kind of a person they are when they react to your plot.

HOPE THIS HELPS! SORRY AGAIN THAT IT’S SO LONG ORZ

[devoravitnatura]

cocoa, quilt, crow, harvest, maple?

thank you!

cocoa - if you could have any type of hair, what colour and cut would you have?

mmm if i could have any hair i’d love to have some that can change cut and colour on my wish!!

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?

i drink tea without anything and if i drink coffee it’s usually with a lot of milk cuz my stomach’s pretty weak

crow - which school subject do you wish you had an aptitude for?i wish i was better in biology…

harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?

mmm this is a hard one.. I identify with a lot of characters, mostly because of special characteristics not with them overall… but some characters i identify a lot with are for one jim hawkins from the treasure planet since i can just deeply relate to his rebelliousness and sarcasm that comes from feeling misunterstood?another character would be adam parrish from the raven cycle since I understand his need to do things on his own and refusing to except any help very well.. also his stubborness and determination is something i relate very well to.. then there’s characters like ronan lynch, also from the raven cycle and andrew minyard from the foxhole court, which i can relate to because of their view on the world and people, but i probably wouldn’t be compared to them from ppl i know irl cuz i would love to have that brash and careless nature that both of these characters carry and sometimes i do but most of the time I’m just afraid to be that sure of myself     ( ,,, ok woa this turned into a whole essay I’m so sorry ahaha,,,)

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

martial arts!! i was close to joining a club once because I’ve been fascinated with this sport since I’ve been a kid but I’m very bad with people so I chickened out after all… also playing the guitare..I’ve started trying to teach myself recently…it’s really hard though cuz I’m not good at balancing my interests/hobbies, and I’m always pressuring myself to do everything at once orz..

ahh this has gotten so long ahah  I’m sorry, thanks a lot for asking dear!

Autumnal asks

[protect-namine]

1/2 So I took that job as a consultant, cause I thought it'd have some level of coding and it'd help me with my people skills. But god. I hate it so much. Like the people are lovely but management seems highly disorganized. Like I've been there for 3 months but there's nothing. I haven't had a client yet, I don't know if or when I will get a client. And the "training" is sporadic. So I don't really feel like I have something to do, so I start slacking, but then I get striked against for doing so

2/2 And it’s just a never ending cycle. Like I understand it’s my responsibility to ask for more work but what should I do if they don’t respond? Do I keep harassing them? But at the same time, I’m too chicken to quit if I don’t have anything else lined up. But it’s also really hard to do interviews when you’re working. I think I’m going to lose it

if I get one more strike against me. I don’t know orz

Oh hey anon! Good to hear from you again! My response got away from me and turned into an essay so I’m putting it under the cut to keep this post short for others (also, sorry for the incoming word vomit!)

I hear you on how hard it is to do interviews while working. I did that for like… 9 months, I think? Plus 5 more while I was unemployed. And it’s so time consuming and stressful. Interviews in general are so hard. I hate it. :/

I had a somewhat similar experience with disorganized management in my first job, but as a developer (never been a consultant). Tangential story time: I actually quit that job within 3 months because of disorganized management! It wasn’t even about the shitty processes, although that was a huge factor. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I left my company-issued laptop in the office because I didn’t want to take it home with me (commuting is hard and dangerous) and then the next day it got stolen for some reason?? And like I had to pay for it because I was “neglectful” which… I wasn’t, the whole point of me leaving the laptop in the office was because I thought that was safer than bringing it with me on my three hour ride home on transit. I’ve witnessed so many ways someone can steal a bag or a phone on the train okay. I thought leaving the laptop in the office was safe! Anyway, the office didn’t have CCTV so no one could really prove what happened, but because I was responsible for the laptop they took a substantial amount of my backpay when I quit to compensate for it. When I told this story to my friends they said I should have fought for it because I was in the right and it can also be argued that the company itself was negligent on basic security but I was too chicken at the time and I’m not… really good at arguing these things. I mean, I was able to negotiate that I don’t have to pay a ridiculous amount of money, just a little bit, but other, more persuasive people might have been able to argue their way out of paying for it entirely. This trait of mine has screwed me over so many times. But anyway.

Plus, yeah, I wasn’t really learning there? So nothing was keeping me there and I quit while I was on the three-month probation period. Less fuss that way, and you can argue that a probation period should be for both parties to assess if they’re a good fit together, it’s not just the employer’s prerogative. Although it probably looks bad on my resume… (I never tell this story to future employers though. Never burn bridges and all that).

Having organized management in my next job after that felt like a godsend, honestly, because I was still very junior so I wanted to like… learn more and improve my skills than waste my time “managing up” so to speak. I feel like… it’s easier to deal with disorganized management (side eyes most startup companies lmao) when you’ve gained more experience? Because I’m working with a startup now, after working a couple of years in a more corporate job, (which, yeah it sucks your soul sometimes but if it’s a good company you learn a ton of shit there very quickly and the stability is great) and it’s like… I don’t get as worked up over how messy and almost non-existent the internal processes are because I now feel comfortable managing myself. I’m still trying to get to the point where I feel comfortable influencing our current processes and making suggestions on how to do things better but I’m not completely there yet.

Anyway, I digress. I’ve heard someone said before that the key to being happy with your career is getting the right level of autonomy, mastery, and purpose that you need. I feel like, in your case, if you’re not getting any of that in the company, you have to “manage up” and get them to give you work if they don’t show the initiative, because otherwise it just seems like you’re both waiting on each other for something to happen. Does your company have a decent culture on feedback? Because you should be able to talk about these things with your supervisor at least and have a frank conversation about it to let them know how to manage you better (especially in tech because, idk about your company, but sometimes managers in tech are really just engineers/devs promoted to management for being good in tech but they don’t have good people skills, so you kinda have to help them help you, y’know?)

Since you seem to have time and you don’t know yet if you want to leave, have you thought about pursuing part-time work or freelancing on the side? Or doing personal side projects? Management isn’t guaranteed but at least if you get a solo project or team up with someone you know you can set the pace yourself and keep learning, and it’s still additional resume material/github repos if you ever need it.

Are there other things you can do in the company that excites you? I don’t particularly like my current work, but I’m getting our UX Lead to sort of adopt me and take me along her workshops. So even though I’m not terribly excited with the company vision or my main job (coding), I still have something to look forward to when going to work.

On a side note, I really want to help you anon but as you can tell from my posts I actually rant a lot about work so idk if I’m a good person to ask advice from lmao. But as a rant buddy I’m here for you. I will never run out of things to rant about this my love-hate relationship with this industry.