#sorry this turned into like a journal entry lmao

[niki-phoria]

Heyo! I was wondering if you could make a gn reader chishiya fic based on the aib characters saying sorry. I really liked what you made the argument about and can totally see it happening so pretty please if you are taking requests could you do this.

doctor chishiya >>>

pairing: chishiya x gn!reader (they/them pronouns) genre: hurt comfort word count: 1.7k

warnings: ooc chishiya, blood, stitches, are stitches considered gore?, canon typical violence, canon divergent game (i have run out of games to write about), arguments, kuina threatens to punch chishiya (kuina best girl !!), reader is called beautiful (if that needs a warning ??) but boys are beautiful too, this kinda turned into a journal entry at the end lmao

a/n: thank you for requesting !! i'm glad you liked the post about them apologizing. i didn't want to leave this as angst so it has a happy ending and i changed a few things so that it wasn't exactly the same. i hope you like it :))

the post they're talking about -> chishiya, arisu, and kuina apologizing after an argument

requests open !! read my rules first

“y/n!” you can hear chishiya yelling at you as you rush to push the man out of the way, taking the blow for him instead. you hit the ground hard. your shoulder aches, both from the stinging cut and the impact. 

the man you saved is quick to scramble to his feet, kicking your attacker away from you before grabbing your arm and pulling you to safety. “thank you,” he pants. chishiya presses a hand against your back. blood seeps through your shirt. you nod at the man, trying to catch your own breath. 

the man rushes off in a different direction afterwards. you watch him leave, hiding further into the shadows to avoid detection. “shit,” chishiya curses. “this is deep. we need to get out of here. you need stitches.” 

you nod, forcing yourself to stand up. you reach back, replacing his hand with your own. “i’ll be fine. go win the game.” chishiya glances between you and the tagger before you gently push him away. “go!”

you’re not sure how long you stand in the shadows. the brick feels uncomfortable against your back as you hold your breath, waiting for the tagger to pass by the alley you’re hiding in. thankfully, they don’t notice you before your phone chimes, ending your torment with a simple “game clear. congratulations.”

the drive back to the beach feels awkward. chishiya keeps a close eye on your shoulder. you know he needs to keep pressure on it, but you can almost feel the irritation radiating off of him. 

he remains silent as you arrive at the beach, picking you up and carrying you into the basement. he sets you on the metal table, searching through various different cabinets for bandages, gauze, and supplies for stitches. the metal is cold against your skin. it feels nice against the warm blood still flowing from your wound. 

you don’t say anything about the slight tremble in chishiya’s hands as he presses the bandages against the cut. his stitches are quick and efficient - almost robotic in his movements. worry builds in your stomach. 

“we need to talk about this.” it sounds more like a question than a statement. like you’re asking if he’s ready to interact with you when he’s still so obviously angry, though you still aren’t sure exactly why. 

“after i finish this.” his words do little to console you. so, you simply nod, trying to relax your body as he continues tending to your wounds. 

“okay.” 

the air feels tense around you as you follow chishiya back to your shared room. he closes the door after you, silently leaning back against the wall. you awkwardly sit across from him on your bed, waiting for him to make the first move. chishiya crosses his arms over his chest, jaw clenched. you avoid eye contact, fidgeting with your hands. 

“that was stupid.” he finally says. 

“saving someone’s life is stupid to you?” 

“he was going to die anyways and you almost got yourself killed with him.” 

“i couldn’t just leave him there! he was begging for help!” 

“he could’ve gotten it from someone else!” his voice raises as yours does. chishiya sighs, running a hand through his hair. “what about these people makes them so worth saving?” 

“what about them makes them not worth saving? they’re people, chishiya, isn’t that enough of a reason?” 

“not when it puts you in danger! it was reckless!” 

“what else was i supposed to do?” 

“why can’t you admit you were wrong for once?” his words sting, but his demeanor is what makes you flinch. chishiya nearly glares at you from across the room. “have you ever considered that i know what’s best? you made a stupid decision, get over it!” you can see the immediate regret spread across his face. he almost shrinks back away from you. you bite your tongue, willing the tears building in your eyes not to fall. “y/n…” 

his words trail off when you stand up. “i need to be alone for a while. come find me when you’re ready to talk to me like an adult.” 

you furiously wipe the tears away from your cheeks as you rush out of the room. 

“y/n?” kuina furrows her eyebrows, opening the door to her room to let you inside. “what’s wrong?” 

you’re sure she can see the dried tears on your face. “i got in a fight with chishiya.” 

“oh, honey,” she wraps her arms around you, pulling you into a hug. you cling to her as she rubs a hand against your back. she pulls away after a few minutes, wiping another few stray tears you hadn’t realized had fallen. “do you want to talk about it?” 

“not really. i just… i got hurt helping someone and he yelled at me because it was reckless.” 

“are you okay?” 

you nod. “i’m fine. just a little sad, i guess.” 

kuina reaches over to grab your hand. it’s a welcome feeling of affection that breaks against the swirling thoughts in your head. “whatever happens, i’ll always be here for you, okay? you can tell me anything.” 

this time the tears that build in your eyes are ones of thankfulness. trust in the borderland is hard to come by, but when kuina squeezes your hand with a small smile and starts telling you about new gossip she heard around the beach, you know that you’ve found an ally. a friend. “thank you.” 

“kuina,” chishiya calls. he walks over to where she’s sitting, awkwardly stuffing his hands deeper into his pockets. “do you know where y/n is?” 

she briefly glances up at him, taking the wooden cigarette out of her mouth. “they’re on the roof.” 

“thanks.” 

“hey, chishiya,” she stands up from the beach chair, stepping closer. “if y/n ever shows up at my door crying because of you ever again, i’ll punch you.” 

he steps back a little, nodding. “it won’t happen again.” 

“good. now, go talk to them. they’ve been waiting for you.”

chishiya doesn’t wait any longer, quickly making his way back into the hotel to the roof. true to kuina’s word, you sit at the edge of the building, staring out at the coastline. the sun has just barely begun to set, casting a golden glow on everything. “y/n?” you turn to look at him over your shoulder, gesturing for him to sit beside you. chishiya obeys, dangling his legs over the edge of the building. you don’t move away when his knee brushes against yours.

you sit in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the sunset. finally, he speaks. “i’m sorry.” you glance over at him, waiting for him to continue. “i shouldn’t have yelled at you. i was scared because you got hurt and i blamed you because it happened while you were trying to help someone.” 

“i’m sorry too.” you pull your knees up to your chest, resting your hand in the space between you and chishiya. “i know it was reckless and i understand why you were upset.” 

chishiya hesitantly reaches over, taking your hand into his. you reciprocate by intertwining your fingers, storking your thumb against his skin. “none of what happened was your fault. i’m sorry i yelled at you. you didn’t deserve that.” 

“i forgive you.” you turn to face him, bringing your right hand up to cup his cheek. you move it behind his head to the nape of his neck, slowly pulling him in to press your lips against his. chishiya takes your cue to lean in, pressing another peck against your lips when you pull away. 

he smiles a little when you pull away, coaxing you to lean against his chest. the sun glistens against the water, hues of pink and purple painting the sky. chishiya tucks his chin over your head. 

“do you know why i helped him?” your voice is quiet when you speak again. it’s getting darker now. the temperature drops as the sun disappears further behind the coastline. 

“no.” chishiya murmurs. he wraps an arm around your waist, rubbing your side. 

“i know it’s hard for you to open up to people, and i’m grateful everyday that you let me in. but it’s hard to survive out here. you survive by shutting everyone out. you built your walls up so high that it takes years to scale them, and even then, you didn’t fully let your guard down for months.” you pause, taking a breath. “i survive out here by relying on my humanity. i have to believe that people are good, because if they aren’t, then nothing else matters. none of the good deeds or random acts of kindness or small moments that remind me that love is everywhere around us matter. i don’t want to live believing that. so, i help people. i put myself in danger for strangers because i rely on my humanity. if i lose my humanity, then i lose everything.” 

silence falls over you once again. chishiya pulls you even closer so you’re fully sitting in his lap, wrapping his arms around you. he leans over your shoulder as the sun fully disappears behind the horizon. the stars are just beginning to appear above you. “i think there’s good in humanity too.” he finally murmurs. “i let you in because i know you’re good. and you’ve done nothing but show me that i was right about you.” he leans down to press a kiss against your shoulder. “you’re strong,” another kiss - this time against your neck. “and loyal,“ his lips brush against the underside of your jawline. “and beautiful,” this time they’re against your cheek. “and good. you’re a good person. one i don’t deserve. i’m thankful for everyday you’re with me.” 

you take the initiative this time, pulling him into a sweet kiss. chishiya pulls you back in again. you sit on the roof together, kissing underneath the stars until your lungs are begging for air and the air chills your bones. you rest your forehead against his when you pull away, letting yourself drown in the overwhelming love you feel. “i’ll take you home,” chishiya whispers. “i promise.” 

[luvrodite]

ok ok dad jason and his diary about his baby growing up…

he ends up treating it like a real diary and writes some pretty honest and intense things in there. talking about how he used this as a bridge to make up with dick, how no matter how scared he was that this was the first time he’s had hope in such a long time. that some nights he would let his fear of failure and being a parent get the best of him, and shed tears while whispering “i’m so sorry you’re mine” to the baby. that sometimes he feels SO helpless as he watches mom struggle to breastfeed and sob because she feels like she’s failing, too.

but these entries are sandwiched between moments where he writes about how baby smiled for the first time, and jason swears he never felt love like that before. that baby rolled over for the first time, lifted their head up on their own, learned how to clap and thinks sneezes are the funniest. that he watches mom lay on the floor and play with baby and finally feels complete.

he stops writing in the journal as consistently as the baby begins to toddle. he’ll write entries as he remembers, saying how much he misses baby while they’re at preschool/daycare. that they came home with sloppy hand turkey art for thanksgiving and he swears he’s never seen anything greater. but he starts to go months, years without writing. it eventually ends up forever untouched when baby reaches age 7, and shoved into a closet somewhere.

when the kid is a teenager, and deep in their teen angst where they hate everyone/everything, they have a chore to help sort out the hall closet. they find the journal and start reading through it, and never realized how much their father went through. i don’t think jason will ever be able to fully articulate feelings, and he never planned on telling their kid just how difficult his life was before, and especially not during those first few years of baby’s life and was still learning that he deserved a life like this.

jason comes home and finds them on the floor, poring through the worn journal. he stops in his tracks because he never really planned on giving the journal to his kid, and he honestly forgot about it. they have this heart to heart on the floor, talking through the tensions that had been building up between them in the past few months. a lot of teenage angst “well i’m sorry i ruined your life!” or “i bet you just wish i was never born!” sort of things, lots of twisting words and miscommunication. i’m team girl dad!jason, so for me it’s him and his 15 year old daughter talking, sitting against the wall, with her head on his shoulder. it’s the first time he is really transparent and open with her emotionally, talking about how having her truly changed his life, but it was never for the worse.

anyway it strengthens their relationship and she is unabashedly a daddy’s girl again, and life in the house feels a lot smoother. mom finds them sleepy against the wall after a long talk and lots of tears.

sorry this is so long LOL i spent my lunch doing this. maybe one day id turn it into a real fic who knows. anyway love u ro 💖

i love u ro thank u for sending this in i don't think i can add anything to this except to say that this version of dad jason is unfortunately so very me and my father except we did NOT talk about it lmao (i do love my baba very much though)

this breaks my heart in the best way i'm going to be thinking about this for a really long time

[azacat-alias-lost]

IRRATIONAL BLUE

Prologue and chapter one can be found here:

Also don't mind the silly chapter titles from here on out lmao

CHAPTER TWO - “I Don’t Know Why Your Eyes Look Like That, But I’m Suddenly Very Enamored With You” by Fall Out Boy

Entry #2 - Regarding a very exciting development due to new material.

The second entry in this journal, and I already have wonderful news! We have just been sent a box of samples from a meteorite, shipped here straight from the collection site. It was unclear whether it was from NASA. It might have been from another organization. Nonetheless, Dr. Lurelle and I have been assigned to study the material and report anything of note.

I will admit, I passed the responsibility of the burn-and-view tests off to Lurelle. I thank whatever god is out there that she’s been understanding.

We’re supposed to be onboarding the new assistants today. I was relieved when I found out that I still had Remus by my side. The only other assistant I’m assigned to is one Patton Coralou. Unfortunately, I was unable to view his picture, as it did not print in the roster document. Oh, well. I’ll see him when he comes in today.

On the topic of Remus, he’s starting to get on my nerves. He keeps asking if I want him to “set me up” with someone. I keep having to remind him that romance doesn’t interest me. First of all, I am a busy man, and have no time for a romantic relationship. Second of all, even if I did want one, no one has, understandably, shown any interest in me. And third of all, I’ve never found anyone that I had a desire to love in any way other than a friend.

I know he means well. I know that he cares about me. I just wish he’d understand. I think I might be aromantic. I know for a fact I’m asexual.

In any case, I’ll have to talk to him. I have to go now. The assistants will arrive soon.

End entry.

I closed my journal and set it in my bag. I checked the clock. The assistants were supposed to arrive in less than ten minutes. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes for a moment.

None of the samples had been cracked open yet. Lurelle was planning on taking care of the first one later that day. It made me nervous, what with my previous troubles, but it would be a wonderful opportunity to learn things about our universe. It would be the first big breakthrough in years.

Remus stepped through the sliding door and walked over to the coffee machine. “Hey boss-man. How’re you doing?”

“I’m doing well! I’m excited to meet the new hire.”

“Yeah, me too. I just hope he knows what the hell he’s doing.” Remus stretched as he waited for fresh coffee to brew. “Lurelle went in to start testing a sample just a few minutes ago.”

“Oh, that’s good. What are they testing it for?”

“I think just like, trying to figure out what it’s made of.”

I nodded and stood from my desk. “Good. The material is an important thing to know.” I walked over towards the counter to stand by Remus. “So, you’ve mentioned that you have a brother. How is he?”

Remus made a face. “Eh, he’s fine.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Well, it certainly doesn’t seem like it.”

“We just disagree on a lot of shit. Er—” He looked at me apologetically. “Sorry…”

I sighed and raised my eyebrows. “To be completely honest, I’ve gotten used to your foul mouth.” I playfully elbowed him in the arm. “Just be careful around the other researchers, though. Alright?” Remus nodded and reached for the coffee pot.

A sound behind us made me jump. The door slid open, and a short, curly-haired man walked through. There was a map of the lab obscuring his face. I called out to him. “Hello, there. Can I help you?”

And that’s when he put his paper down.

His face was soft, almost round, with hundreds of freckles painting his cheeks. He had a curious look on his face, and his mouth was turned up in a small smile. He had small, pearl earrings that were perfectly white. None of these things are what caught my eye.

No, what caught my eye was his eyes.

They were the most striking blue I had ever seen. A hue that I could never describe. They were bright, almost as if they were glowing, unlike any blue eyes I had ever looked at. I didn’t know what to compare them to. Blue raspberry candy? A blue lightbulb? I don’t know, the blue of my Google Docs tabs?! I knew it was familiar, but I couldn’t remember how.

I shoved all of my feelings down and spoke. “Hello.”

He smiled at me. “Hi! I’m not sure if I’m in the right place or not.” He looked at his map again. “I’m supposed to be meeting a ‘Dr. Logan Gossiteure?’”

I gestured to myself. “That would be me. I take it your name is Patton?”

“Oh! Yeah, that’s my name.”

“Well, then, I should probably give you a tour of the lab. Why don’t you meet me just outside the sliding door?”

Patton nodded and stepped out, stuffing his map in his pocket. Before I could do or say anything, I heard Remus stifle a laugh. I turned to him. “What?”

“And you said that romance isn’t your thing.”

“WHAT?! Oh, no, no no no, it’s not—”

“Oh, come on, Logan! I saw how you were looking at him!”

For once in my life I wasn’t able to simply explain it away. Remus may have been right. Patton was certainly captivating. But I would be a dead man before I would admit it.

Alright, maybe that’s a bit extreme, but I certainly wasn’t going to admit anything yet.

“Remus, you are seeing something that isn’t there. Please stop suggesting things like that.” I surprised myself with my harsh tone, but I kept going. “You’ve been trying to get me in a relationship for a while now, and it’s getting out of hand.”

“Oh.” Remus blinked at me, a shocked look on his face, and for a moment I was worried I had upset him. But before I could say anything, he spoke again. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t realize I had gone too far.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks for telling me.”

I sighed and nodded. “Thank you, Remus.” I straightened myself out and started towards the door. “While I’m gone, could you see if you can find the files on our last material delivery? The one from two years ago?”

“Sure thing, boss-man!”

I smiled at Remus before turning and walking out the sliding door.

Patton looked up at me (Oh my GOD, he’s so small!) and beamed at me. “Hello! Where are we headed first?”

“Well, I was thinking of taking you around the office first. Then I could show you the labs.”

“Okay! Sounds good.”

As we walked down the halls, Patton asked questions about each division and position. Some people might think that would be annoying, but from a scientific perspective, it showed a lot of promise. He was curious, and that was good. Sure, they say curiosity killed the cat, but they also say that satisfaction brought it back.

We stepped onto the main testing floor. “And here we have our testing labs, where some new material is being tested. If you could just,” I gestured to a rack of steel shoe covers and other PPE, “go ahead and put those shoe covers and goggles on. And a coat.” I pulled my goggles out of my pocket and slipped them over my glasses, then reached down and buttoned my white coat. “These are just precautions.”

Patton flipped through the rack of coats to try and find his size. “Dang it, all of the shorter ones are too skinny for me…”

“We can pin up a longer one so that it doesn’t drag, for now. I can get you fitted for one of your own later this week.”

Patton nodded and slipped one of the larger coats on, buttoning it over his sweater. The coat came to just below his ankles. “Oh my gosh, I look ridiculous!”

I smiled at him. “You look fine. Plus, we don’t even need to pin it, and you’ll only have to wear it for a little bit.” I gestured ahead. “Now come on, we have more to get to.”

We stepped forward to a window, where Dr. Lurelle was dropping some shards of the new material into a vial. “This is our material testing area. Most of these have different chemical tests, so that we can differentiate what elements and compounds our material shipments are made of.”

“Do you have any information on your most recent shipment?”

“Not yet. Dr. Lurelle is working on that right now.”

As I said this, Dr. Lurelle poured a few drops of an acid into the vial. A small cloud of purple steam rose out of it, which Lurelle swatted away, coughing and scrunching her nose. She noticed me over at the window and waved. I smiled and waved back. She looked over at Patton and started to wave, then furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head. I looked at him as well.

He was a little pale, and had his lips pressed together. His hands were fidgety and shaky as he put one up in a small wave. “Patton, are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah, I just… That looks kind of dangerous. Bad for the lungs.”

“Well, I’m sure it’s fine. If she starts to get any breathing issues, we have medical staff that can help.”

Patton cleared his throat and pointed to the next window, clearly eager to move the conversation forward. “What’s in there?”

I leaned around to look, nearly falling over myself when I saw the bright flashes of fire. This time, it was my turn to clear my throat. “Burn tests. Those are, um… not my department.”

Patton frowned. “Are you alright? You went really pale all of a sudden.” He reached out and gently touched my arm.

I shouldered his touch away. “I’m fine. It’s complicated.” I gestured to the next section. “Let’s just finish the tour.”

I pointedly avoided looking into the window, trying to keep my eyes off of the bright flashes. What hurt the most wasn’t the pitying glances the other researchers shot my way, or Patton’s curiosity about what they were doing. What hurt the most was that just by the brightness and hue of the fire, I could tell exactly what they were burning. I wouldn’t have been able to do that back before…

Shoving the thoughts out of my mind, I took Patton around the rest of the lab, then back around to the office. “So, what do you think?”

“I think that I’m really excited to work here!” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s a good opportunity for me, what with my um… complicated background.” He looked up at me nervously. “B-But I promise I’m allowed to be here! I’m in the country legally, and everything.”

“I wasn’t worried about that. I trust that you were chosen to work here for a reason.”

“I sure hope so.”

I smiled at Patton and stuck my hand out to shake. “It’s been quite nice to show you around here. I hope we get to do much more with our research in the future.”

He shook my hand, and I couldn’t help but notice his cheeks go a little bit pink. “Thank you, Doctor. I have a feeling we’ll work well together.”

“Please, just call me Logan.” I rolled my eyes. “Anything’s better than Remus’ odd nicknames he comes up with, anyway.”

Remus’ familiar high-pitched voice rang out from the records room in the corner of the office. “I heard that!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Ah. Well, shit.”

Patton gasped and lightly swatted my arm. “Watch your language!”

“Yeah, boss-man. Watch your fucking language.”

I laughed harder at Patton’s scowl and grumbling as he walked off to his new desk.

[thesugarhole]

I felt a bit surprised that Charles had been able to assign our local, semi-concealed System Wizard a gender for longer than thirty seconds

definitely one of his more (dare i say rewrite?) annoying traits for sure

His legs slammed into the ground in relentless syncopated rhythm, creating a hysterical, deafening drumbeat that made old broken windows rattle in their panes.

diversity win! first non human entity to use he/him in this story!

It was hard to keep Charles from getting sucked into the seven-dimensional space reallocation error at the corner of Mill and Union, but I managed. Suffice to say it’s good that he’s quick on his feet. After realizing he was past the danger, he brushed himself off and glanced around. “Oh, come on,” he said to the empty streets. “How come nobody ever sees my most heroic moves?”

himbo (affectionately)

ooo the traffic light with the claws is also a he/him ok

didnt think id be entertained by this but here i am. if its as interesting as the lemonade cult then yea

I steered Charles towards some food, which he stole without paying [sigh].

youve heard it before and youll hear it again: absolute hell world that all this shit is still "secretly" (snippy has no way of knowing) being accounted for when the guy is just trying to not die. doing the best he can with the knowledge he has (captain wizardly does not a human body keep fed after all)

what the hells a dead zone wraith anyway

oh. a dex. whose job is "entertain" (scare) tourists. ok

NO WAY theres a journal entry from a dex thats not pilot though finally my reading wishes are being fulfilled

I honed my audio receivers in on the spot and picked up the telltale puff and huff of a filter mask. Say! I knew that guy! "Hey, Charles!" I called out and waved my hand. "Man, it had been a while! Remember me? Dixon 11-07-02?” I think radiation must have eaten through my speakers because most of my greeting came out as grinding screechy cough. Charles froze and stared at me without answering, chest rising and falling rapidly. He glanced around nervously, tensed to run.

tragedy enjoyers right now: lol

That was classic Charles! Always throwing things first and asking questions second. Well… more like throwing things first, and then running away at top speed. He’d always been an oddball like that. I know he has his… connectivity issues, but that tour guide book ANNET printed just for him explained me and the other wasteland D.Z.T.G. employees. “Well good afternoon to you, too,” I said, wiping the cement dust away from my optical array. When I had cleared my vision, Charles had vanished into the rubble like an agoraphobic rat. “How’ve you been, Charles? Haven’t seen you much lately.” Geez, I only wanted some company! Where’d he gotten off to?

tragedy enjoyers right now: lmao, even

its freaking me out that this guy looks way more like a robot than anything else. are we mixing up terminologies here or is this still a human-turned-android-as-capital-punishment situation and he just happened to get it worse because of his occupation?? CLEARLY not a human face structure, especially if its meant to scare and whatnot

aaah stuffs not making sense again. booooo. edit: missed the dex-WRAITH disclaimer sorry. its a different dex type. its not a satisfying answer but. its an answer i guess.

A notice popped up demanding that I take Charles to the organ harvest and Dex conversion facility. I skimmed over the notice. Psh! That couldn’t be right. The debt the notice described was much too immense for a single person to have accrued. How could someone owe that much to the Directorate? Excessive gambling? This had to be a filing error of some sort. I scrolled further. Well, that was a lot of parking tickets. Still, even all those couldn’t account for an infinite debt.

christ lmao. he doesnt even have a car though, are these from like. that run down car captain drove over the rainbow? i think zee left it at the knock off mcdonalds

The G-Overseer can kiss my rusty, metal derriere.

that futurama reference took waaaay too long to make

this is breaking my heart dixon is actually talking out loud to him and warning him of the debt but his voice filters stuff are mangled beyond hell so all that comes out is banshee esque noises. snippy accumulates 50 Ls for every W he scrapes by

"What's your name?" I asked. "You sound... cute." "I'm Matilda Trafficlight. Now please move away from Charles, before you give him a heart attack," she stated firmly.

can love bloom between a dex dead zone wraith and a traffic light with a name

“And how about I get you a coffee to apologize? I know just the place,” I added, feeling like quite the player. "There's a nice... G-bux coffee shop that's still mostly intact." "Oh, you’re too kind", Matilda said, and I wished that she was here in person again. All her lights always lit up together when she was excited about fixing something. "Very well, I accept!"

it can. yaaaaay!

(is dexes and objects with idiot AI dating something common in this world? like i thought that bomb was just being cheeky when she said 'this pilot is cute but i dont have time for dating' or whatever but maybe it's common place)

biomatrix is so close to becoming a regular im on the edge of my seat

[boy-above]

im putting together my summary of art this year and wowee this year has not been great for art. i haven’t been posting finished drawings nearly as much as i used to. in fact i haven’t been drawing as much in general, haven’t been filling up sketch books like i used to. and i haven’t been improving very much over this year. and im not too proud of most of the things ive drawn this year, save for a few. i think it’s a combination of me being very depressed this year and not having the energy, as well as not getting much feedback at all which leaves me feeling very unmotivated. i want to make art i can be proud of, really go above and beyond and make art that looks really good, but it’s hard because whenever i do have the energy to do it, i get either very little or no feedback at all and I end up feeling like shit because of it. im trying to draw for me, i really am, but it feels pointless sometimes yknow.

its funny because i used to get tons of notes when i was in the ah fandom, but i didn’t even really care about what i was drawing much. i didn’t actually have any passion for the content and hardly watched it (i Did really love it at one point, back when i was like 15 and ray was still around) but by the time i was back in the fandom in like 2015/2016 i didn’t really care about the content, i was just churning out fanart because people actually paid attention to me, and complimented my art, and i felt so special? i guess something that made me leave the fandom (besides the people telling me to kill myself), is whenever i drew things that actually made me happy, and were actually fun to draw, like ray, people would get so angry with me, and i was so tired of that lmao. i do really miss it sometimes, all the attention i mean, but i guess now i get to try to do art for Me, draw things that make me happy, but i need to accept that I’m never gonna get that kind of attention again and that’s really hard for me.

anyway enough about That time in my life lmaooo. I can’t even really set art goals this year because i never do them anyway. it’s always “do more backgrounds” “learn how to color” and i never do it lmao. my goal for this year should just be trying to draw more, and trying to draw things that i can be proud of, and also drawing things that i enjoy drawing!!! i mean actually this year was good for that, i got to draw kokichis and a bunch of ocs. i never really drew something because i thought it would get me notes, which i used to do very often a few years ago. but yeah my goal for this year should just be trying to enjoy drawing, which is hard for me, and trying not to tie my self worth to how much people like my art lmaoo

[gnarlykickflip]

its ocd awareness week so i checked the tags and its full of little tidbits of like, headline-sized explanations but also some outdated stuff. for example i saw a slide on an infographic post about types of ocd (without explaining what that means; its more like clusters of similar symptoms vs types of bipolar or diabetes) and it included hoarding and a few others that are considered related disorders nowadays. i mean theres definitely some value to saying "if someone says they have Pure O Type OCD this is what that term used to mean and this is what we call it now and this is how our understanding of it has changed since then" but that info was definitely not included which is :/ and honestly i think saying "there are different types of ocd and this is what we mean by types and here are a some examples w explanations to illustrate how wide of a range of experiences people have with ocd" is a LOT better than just, ya know, a list that includes pedophilic ocd without any context.

anyway. to everyone reading this: congratulations! you are now aware of ocd awareness week.

[diavorchid]

Vyn Richter vs. Jack Seward

finally let myself sit down, think, and write this :D thanks @gabriel-shutterson for the vindication

here goes:

a) obvious:

doctor/psychiatrist

do a journal entry each day with a voice recorder

Jack owns a private asylum at 29 and Vyn (co-)owns a research & treatment centre at 27; both owning their own foundation at a young age

i think they're both still doing research? Vyn is a professor and Jack did want to make a breakthrough to help people

b) deeper:

Vyn's trope is love at the first sight. Jack falls in love with anyone in 5m radius that stays with him lol

...submissive. Jack "in our old adventures, quincey gave instructions and (arthur and) i followed" Seward and Vyn 2nd Anniversary SSR for the obvious one (tho it's always been there..👀)

there's this theme of Jack trying to prevent himself going on a path bc he knows it's where madness lies, he even questions he may even be mad; in Vyn top-up ssr iirc he has a friend who killed themselves and that friend loved their partner so much that it turned him possessive and hurt them, Vyn was shaken by this and afraid of what his love could become.

related to prev point, Jack's way of doing things is risky and sometime even borderline dangerous when he gives in to his curiosity; there's this conversation between Vyn and Darius in his PS Ch.3 where Darius disagreed with Vyn's way bringing MC to a dangerous PUA. [ss below] like, for both, the inclination is there.

difficulty in showing vulnerable side; Jack, in text, dictates men this women that but his actions shows that it's as if he's clinging desperately to follow that notion while fighting back his emotions, which eventually gets let out either way (worth nothing that what we've read is watered down, filtered version; and it still shows); early Vyn was.. let's talk about False Tears. i still think the best interpretation is, yes the emotion is there, and yes he exaggerates it to be comforted, BUT! only because he didn't think he deserved to be comforted (i dont think i explain this well but i can't remember where to find the old thread that actually did lol sorry). also, you know his worldview on broken things that got challenged in <Mended Hearts>? i do think it stems from his vulnerability and helplessness at his own incapability to help.

c) misc.:

early fandom experience is more or less the same lmaoo. oh to be a vyn stan at the start (~first 3 months was severe lol then again there are still. some. yk.) of tot glb... (it wasn't fun)

...daddy issues. vyn is canon while jack is (stolen) hc in the way that a lot of things about his character would make sense

crack time but they would not get along if they ever meet. only surface politeness.

they're both good with their hands; Jack with lock-picking and Vyn with crafting.

lastly, I'd say that before that modern au Jack would be close to Vyn in likeliness, but will never be like him because Vyn's self-confident and while he exudes a poor little meow meow vibes a bit, Jack's too much of a wet cat pathetic man.

---

may or may not add things later (probably no bc this is alr my 2nd time writing this, the other one somehow got lost😭); as expected I'm not eloquent enough to write this kind of things lmao

(ps. i saw your edit on the ask reblog, and don't worry i didn't even think to include that and don't really consider it to be comparison(?))

[dorksndisasters]

Session 13

[[<PREV]] | [[NEXT>]]

 If you think everything’s getting a little bit twisty in the plot department it’s bc I was absolutely making things up on the fly. IT works. I’ve made it work. it’s fine.

 Marask’s player couldn’t do this session so he went off on an adventure of his own (which I have written but I’m not sure about sharing yet lmao)

The patreon is on session 17!! That’s a whole four extra sessions! How rad is that!

##

Afar tilts his head to the side as he eyes Nakai, but doesn’t say anything more.

The group draw away from Afar and the table, and have a hurried, whispered conversation.

“Can we trust him?”

“Something does seem off.”

“Can we do anything else, though? We’ve already agreed.” Skadi shifted on her feet, glancing back at Afar.

“Marask, what do you-” Ophi looks around, and finds that Marask is gone. “When did he go?”

“Not long, I don’t think,” Skadi says. “Should we track him down?”

“... No, I don’t think we have time.” Ophi shakes her head.

“So we go and see this Brigadier,” Alaric says, “And then we can decide on a course of action afterwards?”

Nakai nods. “I’m not – I'm not the best at thinking, but if shit goes sideways, I’m prepared to kill some fuckers.”

“You’re always prepared to kill some fuckers,” Alaric says.

“Yeah.” Nakai shrugs. “It’s fun.”

“Alright.” Ophi turns back to Afar. “Hey, if our other companion comes back here, can you tell him where we’ve gone?”

Afar dips his head in acknowledgement.

They leave the ramshackle building and head back into the centre of the Bastion.

The guards are out in force about the market, clearing civilians out.

“There must be a curfew,” Alaric says.

Beside him, Nakai growls, ever so slightly.

“Easy.” Alaric taps his arm.

Ophi takes the lead as they arrive at the door of the command post and, smiling at the guards, asks if they can’t be allowed to enter despite the late hour, because they have business with the brigadier.

The guard waves them in without much of a second glance. Nakai, as he passes them, ducks his head and avoids eye contact in an effort to look as little of a threat as possible.

The entry hall is austere, the walls just bare stone. There are stairs leading up to a second floor, and two corridors heading off the hall.

They stop a passing servant, who directs them up the stairs.

This floor is only slightly more welcoming than below; there are a few decorations on the walls, and only one narrow corridor off the balcony-tier that layered part of the entrance hall.

As they walk across it towards the corridor, an older woman exits a room and strides across the corridor, heading more or less in their direction.

“Excuse me,” Alaric calls, stepping forward. “Where might we find the Brigadier? We need to talk with him.”

A frown flashes across the woman’s face and she takes a step back, resting a hand lightly on the sword at her side. “I... am the Brigadier.”

Alaric winces. “My apologies. We weren’t given specifics.”

“Not like Wulfwe to be so sloppy,” she says, before she can stop herself.

“Who’s Wulfwe?” Skadi asks.

“Oh.” The brigadier shakes her head, catching sight of Nakai. “No, she... she wouldn’t send a lizardfolk.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Nakai asks, a slight growl underlining his words.

“Sorry. I only meant that... she doesn’t like lizardfolk,” she says, closes her eyes, and takes a breath. “Let’s try that again; I am Brigadier Ehild. Would you step in here with me?” She opens the door she’d been heading towards.

They follow her into what looks like an office. A large map of the world graces one world, opposite tall but narrow windows that haven’t been fully covered over by the drapes yet. There are two tables; one, in the middle of the room, has a map of the Bastion on it. The other looks more like a personal desk, covered in papers and ink and leather journals.  

“What are you here to talk about?”

“Well, we... we’re aware of the unrest in the city,” Alaric says, slightly delicately.

A frown passes across Ehild’s face. “Yes.” She shivers, and walks across to twitch the drapes more fully across the windows. “There isn’t much I can do.”

“Why?” Nakai scoffs. “You’re in charge, aren’t you?”

There’s a chill in the room, and it’s getting colder.

“Technically, yes, but General Wulfwe-”

A hooded figure appears at the nexus of the cold point and speeds towards Ehild, who has her back turned.

Nakai lunges forward to intercept it, barging it off course and wrapping his arms around it.

Skadi reflexively stabs at it, and then yells “I’m sorry!” as she pulls back, eyes wide.

“What? Why are you sorry!” Ophi asks.

“It tried to kill me,” Ehild says, grunting as she swings her sword into the figure’s side.

“We don’t know if it’s completely bad,” Skadi says.

The figure seems to blur and buzz, and then there are three more, free of Nakai’s grip.

“Oh-” Ophi smacks her staff into the ground and ropes appear to bind the new three, stopping them in their tracks. “How about now?”

Nakai lets loose a rumbling growl that erupts into a roar before he snaps his teeth right beside the head of the one in his arms.

It seems to cower, pulling back and struggling to get free.

Alaric unsheathes both his swords and steps towards another of the figures, sweeping them through the air. Despite it being bound tight by Ophi’s spell, it manages to avoid one sword, only to be sliced by the second.

“Ok, ok-” Skadi turns as another bears down on her, and she stabs it with the knife in her hand, sending it reeling backwards. “Fine, maybe they are bad.”

“Thank you.” Ehild turns, whipping her sword through the air to slice at another, stepping towards it.

“Ah-” Ophi stumbles back, and the binding spell disperses. She grits her teeth and throws out a fireball, which misses every one of the figures and smacks into the stone wall, leaving a scorch mark before it disappears.

Nakai, still growling, wraps his hands around his enemy’s neck and starts to throttle it.

Alaric, swinging both swords again, hits once more and misses with his second sword as the figure smacks it away by the flat of the blade.

The one that Skadi’s fighting lunges at her, baring long spindly fingers with sharp nails that it reaches out to grasp at her with.

She jumps backwards, dodging out of the way of its attack, and it stumbles almost into the table in the centre of the room.

The fourth strikes Ehild, scoring a deep slash along her arm, and Ehild cries out.

Skadi throws her daggers at the back of the one in front of her, and while one misses, the other sinks deep into its back.

Aurora rushes to pick up her daggers, leaping up to pull the one out of its back.

Ehild, favouring her bleeding arm, lashes out with a sloppy slice and misses.

Ophi fires another fireball, and this one hits the figure that had managed to land a hit on Ehild. Steam rises up as its cold aura begins to counteract the flames, and it pulls back shrieking.

Nakai, still holding one in his arms, punches out at the one that Alaric is fighting, sending it reeling as his fist connects with its head.

Alaric cuts at its neck, and the figure crumples to the ground and disintegrates into dust. “That’s. Odd.”

The remaining three figures let out a keening wail and lash out indiscriminately; the one that Nakai holds doesn’t hit anyone, but Skadi’s opponent slices a deep gouge out of her arm and the one that Ophi had fireballed – still steaming with the heat – manages to hit Ehild again, worsening the cut in her arm.

Skadi takes her knives back from Aurora and stabs at the figure in front of, forcing it back and away from her.

Ehild strikes out and misses, and curses as her sword almost slips from her grasp.

Ophi grabs her second staff and tries to hit one of them with both, but it’s an unwieldy and clumsy strike that misses.

Nakai swings the one in his hands at another and misses, but does smack it against the edge of the table instead.

Alaric jumps backward to avoid being hit by the flailing creature in Nakai’s hands, and misses with both of his strikes.

Skadi swings both knives in front of her and misses her target as it continues to back away.

Ehild is backing away, using the desk as a barrier between her and the enemies, still attempting to hold her sword up to guard.

Ophi readjusts her grip on both staves and tries again to hit one, and one staff does make contact with a satisfying bonk of a sound.

Nakai roars and smacks the figure in his hands against the ground, beating it back and forth like a ragdoll. His eyes are misting over with a red tinge, his teeth are bared, and his grip tightens on his opponent until something sounds like it cracks.

Alaric winces at the sound and lunges forward, pinning the figure in front of him with one point and sweeping his other into its leg.

It staggers back, arms flailing, and manages to score a blow against Ophi, cutting its talon-like nails through her cheek.

As she cries out, Skadi’s opponent digs its nails into her outstretched hand, causing her to drop her knife.

Skadi curses and stabs with her other knife, and her opponent disintegrates into dust, littering the ground.

Ehild lunges across the desk to cut the figure away from Ophi, severing its fingers.

Ophi gives her a brief nod and brings her staff smacking down into it, and it explodes into a cloud of dust that she reels back from, coughing. “Gross.”

Nakai throws the last of their opponents into the wall and stomps towards it, growling continuously.

“Hey!” Alaric slides in between Nakai and his opponent and holds up his empty hands. “We need that one, big guy.”

Nakai huffs, still growling, his bloody gaze focusing on Alaric instead.

“You’re that lich,” Ehild says, walking around the desk.

“You’ve seen it before?” Skadi asks.

“No.” She shakes her head. “Badazz subdued it. Without its phylactery-”

“You stole it!” the lich hissed, twisting its head up to glare at Ehild. “You and that lizard, you stole my phylactery!”

“I have never seen you before. He wouldn’t bring it in.” Ehild tightens her grip on her sword, keeping her other hand pressed against the cut in her arm. “You’re why I was told to get rid of him.”

“He said it was because he kept bringing to light problems in the rank-and-file,” Ophi says.

“That... certainly didn’t make it easy for him to stay. But Wulfwe wasn’t interested until I sent word about the lich.”

“Oh. You were the weird chilly person in Badazz’s tower.” Skadi steps closer. “Did he send you?”

The lich laughs. “I broke through his enchantments! He could not keep me forever!”

“And now you’re here.”

“I come for my phylactery-” It starts to get up, and Ehild places her foot on its chest.

“I don’t have your phylactery,” she says. “I don’t know where it is.” She says it with such definite authority that it’s hard not to believe she’s telling the truth.

“But - Badazz didn’t send you?” Nakai asks, having calmed down from his rage.

“As if I would do anything that lizard told me.” The lich spits out the words.

Ehild leans ever so slightly more on her foot on its chest. “Make sure you’re telling the truth, now.”

“I am!” It struggles and hisses and bares broken, rotted teeth at her in something like a sneer. “Are you?”

“I don’t have your phylactery,” Ehild says. “And we can prove that, fairly easily.” She steps aside. “If you would like?” She glances at Nakai.

Nakai grunts and slams his foot into the lich’s head; it disintegrates as the others did, and the chill finally leaves the room.

“Thank you,” Ehild says, finally sheathing her sword.

“Sure,” Alaric replies. “You’re welcome.”

“So - what’s going on here, exactly. We’ve had one story from Badazz, and another from you.”

“He wanted us to talk to you about... reparations? To make this city fairer to the lizardfolk.”

Ehild sighs. “Of course he did. I can’t - I can’t do very much, with Wulfwe breathing down my neck-”

“Who is Wulfwe?”

“Oh, she’s the general of all the... ‘peace keeping forces’. The human army. And the city guards in Malpha, anywhere there’s a majority human population.”

“Back in Malpha-”

“We’re not going back, we’ve just come from there.”

Ehild watches them discuss, raising her eyebrows. “I... thank you for what you’ve done, but this surely isn’t your problem. This is up to me to fix. Or attempt to fix.” She sighs again. “I’ve just... been scared to do anything that would get me in trouble.”

“What if we get Badazz here?” Ophi asks. “Then you can talk with him. Rather than us going back and forth.”

“You can do that?”

“I think so.” Ophi nods and wraps both her hands around one staff, closing her eyes.

A portal opens, slowly, and widens to show Badazz’ tower room, messier than they had last seen it.

Badazz strides past, magic playing in his hands, and stops abruptly as he notices the portal. He bares his teeth and takes a step back, assuming a defensive stance.

“Badazz.” Nakai steps in front of the portal. “We’re with Ehild. Can you come through and talk?”

Ehild nods to Badazz, straightening her posture like she’s on parade.

“I am not sure if this is wise,” Badazz says carefully. “Something has happened here, and I need to be ready in case-”

“The lich?” Ophi asks. “It came here. We destroyed it.”

“You-” Badazz tilts his head, and the magic in his hands sputters out and dies. “Well.” He steps out of view and speaks to someone else.

It’s not long before he comes back into view and then steps through the portal and into Ehild’s office.

The two of then nod stiffly to each other.

“So.” Skadi looks between the two of them. “Apparently this all stems back to General Wulfwe.”

Badazz snorts. “So you said.”

“You’ve never met her, she’s... different.” Ehild stops and shakes her head. “I know – that doesn’t... help. I still should have done more. Or anything.”

Ophi pulls a pie from her bag and sets it on the desk. “This,” she says, “Is a pie of peace. You both want peace, don’t you?”

They eye each other and then nod, slowly.

“Good.” Ophi smiles. “Then eat the pie and start talking peace.” She lets the portal close.

Badazz narrows his eyes as it does, but it doesn’t seem to be enough to put him further on the defensive.

Ehild takes the knife that Skadi passes her and cuts the pie, passing part of it to Badazz. “Will you come back? I don’t think I can just... pass control over to you, but we can work at it jointly. I’ll tell the guard to stand down.”

“I can stop the blockade,” Badazz says, and takes the part she offers. “Bring my lizardfolk back into the city.”

“It will be hard. Wulfwe-” Ehild clears her throat. “Wulfwe will hear what we’re doing, and she will send assassins. She has people in the staff.”

“Then we get rid of them,” Badazz says. “We mix everyone in. We make this work and if she comes calling, we will face her as one town.” He offers her a hand.

“Thank you.” Ehild takes his hand quickly, almost like she thinks he’ll pull it back before she can. “I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.”

“Try harder from now on,” Badazz replies.

The party, as Ehild and Badazz start to talk steadily of plans for the future, draw back almost unnoticed to the door and then back out.

#

They leave in the morning, after a night spent in The Cracked Flask, and head down the road towards Behrtio.

By midday, it becomes apparent that they’re being followed. They attempt to hide at the sides of the path, to see who’s coming, and it’s not long before a group of four wyrms come down the path.

Nakai growls. “You shouldn’t have fed them,” he grumbles.

“Maybe if I take a pie,” Ophi says, already searching in her bag, “And split it up, and throw it really far-”

But Nakai strides into the centre of the path, draws himself up to his full height, and roars at the wyrms.

They fall back in a tangled heap, tripping over each other as they flee from this threat.

Ophi pouts, but puts the pie away as Nakai turns back to the group, to the direction they’re walking, and strides on.

“Which route to Behrtio is best?” Alaric asks. “Is there a bridge across the water at this point?” He points at the map.

“There’s an isthmus,” Ophi says. “As long as we hit the tide right.”

“Past the monastery of fiery ruin?” Skadi asks. “Around the top would be better.”

“Longer, though. We can easily skirt that monastery.” Ophi points out on the map. “Whoever’s there will never even know we’re there!”

“That monastery sounds... friendly,” Alaric says, studying the map.

“We’ll avoid them.” Ophi shrugs. “It’ll be quicker, too.”

“Alright.” Skadi shrugs. “We’ll skirt past the monastery, then.”

[unsaidholland]

Congrats on 300, you deserve it, I love your writing! Could you please do a 🦦 with Tom where they where childhood best friends and on their wedding day as a part of her vows the reader read journal entries that she would dedicate to Tom, then a decade or so later their children find the journal and ask them questions about i? Sorry that was a long request lmao

hi anon! thank you for your support love💘 this is a long blurb, i hope you like it :)

i finished rewatching boy meets world earlier this week and it’s all i can think about tbh so this request lowkey fulfilled my boy meets world obsession (yes it is my favourite show at least i think it is)

🦦- blurb request!

the long game | t. holland

you and tom had a very cory and topanga love story. since you met at the age of four, he and you were both convinced that it was the two of you for forever. of course there were a few bumps in the road, but here the two of you were, on your wedding day. he wasn’t the only guy you dated, and you definitely weren’t the only girl he dated, but you both knew from the very beginning that you were soulmates.

planning the wedding was stressful to say the least, but as you stood at the altar in front of the officiator, you knew that your hard work paid off.

tom had read his vows, and now it was your turn. throughout the years that you and tom were dancing around each other and with each other, you had many journal entries about him. but this one was special.

“i’m going to do something a little different,” you told everyone, but really you were speaking to tom. “i wrote this journal entry when i was sixteen. tom, you and i were dating and i poured my heart out in this entry. this was when i knew i was in love, and this was when i knew that our love could get us through anything.”

you opened the worn down, brown leather journal to the bookmarked page and looked up at tom. you briefly studied him, his black and white suit, the way his hair sat perfectly. you looked at his tear streaked cheeks, him smiling at you, before looking back at your journal and started reading.

“today you gave me your jean jacket and told me you loved me. you told me that you knew we would always be together, and that one day we would get married, have kids, buy a house together. you said we were soulmates and that you never wanted to lose me. at first i thought you were crazy. we’re just sixteen, we’ve got the rest of our lives ahead of us. i wondered how you could be so sure that it would be you and i for the rest of our lives.” you smiled, thinking about when you wrote this. your entire world had changed that day, and you were so happy that tom was right. you were so happy that tom had hope when it felt like the whole world was against you two. you were so happy that tom taught you what love was.

“today i learned what love was. i don’t know how to explain it, but it is the most wonderful feeling that i’ve ever felt. it feels like the stars have aligned. it feels wonderful. i may be sixteen, but i am in love with thomas stanley, and nothing could ever stop that. tom, you said that nothing could stop our love, and i hope that i’m reading this in front of our friends and family as my vows to you. tom you always knew that i loved you, you never doubted it for a second. you always knew that i would give up anything for you, and you always knew what was best for us even when no one else agreed. i promise you for the rest of our lives, to love you, to be your rock, and to always look out for you.” tears started to fall from your eyes. you smiled and sniffled, moving the journal away slightly in attempt to protect it from your tears.

“i pray everyday and thank the universe that it gave me you, and i thank it for giving me you for the rest of our lives. tom, here’s to a new beginning, to another part of our life. here’s to the long game. i love you” you looked up and smiled at him, closing the journal, handing it back to your maid of honour.

“i love you,” he mouthed to you, and you mouthed the words back to him.

•••

you and tom had been married for thirteen years. within the first year of marriage, you were blessed with a beautiful baby girl that you had named claire nicole holland. three years later, you had a baby boy named lucas ryder holland. at the age of eleven, claire was obsessed with reading, something you had passed onto her.

while the kids were snooping through boxes as you and tom were cleaning out the garage, lucas had found the brown leather notebook. it was dusty from being in a box for thirteen years, but it was exactly the same as when you last saw it. lucas was only eight, but he could read pretty well even though he didn’t enjoy it as much as his sister did. they opened the book to find your handwriting in it.

“mumma, what’s this?” lucas asked. you turned around to see him holding the book.

“my journal! its been years since i saw this.” you walked over to the kids. lucas handed you the journal and the two of them watched as you flipped through it.

“you wrote a lot about daddy,” claire said. tom smirked, walking over to the three of you, skimming the pages as you flipped through them.

“that she did.” tom smiled, immediately remembering your wedding vows. “did you know your mum read an entry at our wedding?” the kids looked at you with amazement on their faces.

“and you weren’t embarrassed or anything?” lucas asked. you shook your head.

“everything i wrote in here about your father was no secret to anyone.” a small smile worked its way onto your face as you silently reminisced on your memories with tom.

“the long game is treating us quite well.” your smile grew knowing tom was referring to what you wrote in your vows.

“yes it is.”

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

[draconscious]

BLOG/LIFE UPDATE

[[ Hey all, I hope everyone is hanging in there. A few people have reached out to me lately (thanks to those who did!) just to check up on their threads and to see where I’m at. So, with that in mind, I figured it would be best to come through with an ooc update. Well, it started out as an update but turned into a venty, rambly long mess of a journal entry--so I’ve put it all under a cut. Whew, sorry. I haven’t written freely in a minute and it shows lmao.

tl;dr - My life is in a really wacky place right now, so this blog is temporarily going on low activity for the next few weeks. Sorry for poofing, and thanks for your patience. :) ]]

The long lowdown: I work full time at a medical clinic, helping with patient check-in, relations and billing. Starting around last month, COVID-19 cases in my area exploded and haven’t calmed down, and all hands on deck were needed. I had previously been working from home, but now I’m working on-site 1-2 times a week, with mandatory overtime thrown in as well. I’m in no way equalizing myself with nurses/doctors (the real MVPs!). Still, there’s so much work piling up, so many people to talk to/comfort, and lately it feels like I’m punching waves--some days I don’t feel like I’m making a difference at all. I got called into work the morning after an isolated turkey day, and on my first call, some awfully uncool dude argued with me over mask policies for what had to be a solid hour. Super lonely, super lame. 

You know what else is super lame right now? School. Turns out that virtual grad seminars kind of suck, and now we’re thundering towards due dates for end of semester papers/projects. As Darth Scholar would probably say about me: “The imposter syndrome is strong with this one.” Writing for RP? Super fun, confident, and carefree. Writing for academia? Second-guessing myself, deleting and rewriting paragraphs, all that classic stuff. This semester of school, combined with this period of work, is bodying me harder than usual and I’ve honestly never felt more overwhelmed in my life. I think I would be handling school better if it weren’t for the work crunch (and vice versa). Writing is definitely harder this time of year for me. 

I’m sorry if this is all coming off like some pity party. I don’t want that. This is just my first time really writing/reflecting on the past month, and I apologize for unloading it so suddenly now (I know this doesn’t belong here so I’ll probably delete this later). Even though I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now, I’m no quitter. The light at the end of the tunnel is the end of the semester, and I can see it. Honestly, I already feel better just writing this all out and getting it off my chest (I’ve been piling these thoughts up confessional-style and it feels good to knock some of them over here).

If you’ve read this far, thank you (and if you haven’t, I don’t blame you LMAO). I’m looking forward to getting back into the shenanigans with everyone once I get my mind right. To everyone who might be struggling right now (esp. my fellow school squad)--you are not alone. I know everyone is dealing with their own brand of 2020 madness, so please try to be kind--to others but especially yourselves...you deserve it. And to my thread partners, thank you for being SO patient--I’ve got a few drafts lined up, but I hope we can continue our adventures in earnest (and start some new ones!) when I’m finally free. Until then, see you soon, stay healthy/safe...and stay frosty. B)

[knightsimp]

Consequences (Part One)

Pairing: Ulfric Stormcloak x Dragonborn!Reader

Summery: You were Ulfric’s lover before the war started, but the war seemed to have turned him into someone different from the man you fell in love with.

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1,000+

Part: 1/2

Date Posted: March 17, 2020

Note: This fic starts before the events of Skyrim, when Ulfric killed the High King. And for the sake of this fic, the reader has a neutral stance in the war.

Another note: Me? Writing for Ulfric Stormcloak first and not Farkas? Who knew this was a reality.

Ulfric watched you pace as he leaned onto the backrest of his throne. 

“To kill the High King with the Voice... Ulfric you’ve taken this too far!”  Ulfric sighed, annoyed by your rambling.

“(Y.N), please.” He held his head in his hand. “This was a victory!”

“This was a stupid move!” Ulfric stood as you quickly approached him. “All of Skyrim will be speaking of this and you may have started a war with Cyrodiil!”

“Good!” Ulfric knew he was yelling now, but his pride kept him from calming down. “Let the people of Skyrim know that I, Ulfric Stormcloak, was the one who killed the High King with my mere voice! Let those damn Imperials know the power I hold.” Those in the throne room besides the fighting couple did not know what to do. 

“This damn war is getting out of hand!” You yelled back. “Do you not see what you’ve done in the grand scheme of this land?”

“For someone who is supposed to be on my side, you seem to sympathize with those filthy Imperials.” Your eyes widened, the rage inside you visibly growing, and you said,

“Be careful, Ulfric.” You voice was heavy. “Be careful with what you’re implying.”

“Or what?” He knew he had gone too far, but nothing was stopping him. “You’ll go running to the High King. Oh wait, he’s dead!” Not wanting to be there in the heavy air any longer, you scoffed and turned away sharply towards your shared bedroom. After hearing the heavy metal door slam, Ulfric slumped back down on his throne and let out the breath he did not know he was holding. Galmar took the chance to approach him.

“I’’m sorry, Ulfric, but we need to plan our next move. With the empire in shambles with the death of their king, we need to take this to our advantage.” Ulfric looked up at him. Though he tried to hide it, Galmar could tell he also felt the impact of that fight. Ulfric stood, needing a distraction.

“Alright.” He grumbled. 

----

It was late at night. The sun had set hours ago. Ulfric made his was to his bedroom, wanting only to sleep.

He did feel bad. While you were there, hiding from everyone, probably questioning his love for you, he chose to plan the Stormcloaks’ next move. He was thinking of the bigger picture. In his mind, once the Stormcloaks win the war, you two would be able to relax and enjoy life in Skyrim a little more. No more would you need to chase after him and he would no longer have to be so urgent about what to do next. 

He entered the bedroom. There were no candles lit. He assumed you had fallen asleep.

“Love?” He mumbled, only loud enough for you to hear. He approached the bed and, in the pale moonlight, he could see you were not in bed. Slightly panicking, he took the candle on the small desk, next to the dress, and lit it. He then used the flame to light the candles which stood next to the large bed. With more light filling the room, he could see no sign of you. “(Y/N)? (Y/N)!” He walked out and went up to the guard on duty in the corridor. “Where is my wife?” The guard thought for a moment.

“I am not sure, sire.” He replied. “I have not seen her leave her bedroom after...” The guard was too afraid to apeak of that afternoon’s occurence, but Ulfric understood. 

Ulfric wandered the halls with a fast pace, trying to find any sign of you. From those who he asked, no one had seen you. 

You could not have sneaked out. 

Could you?

You would have not left undetected. Did you leave him? Was the fight you had in the throne room the final straw for you? Surely, you knew it was a momentary thing. You had your fights before, but it would always end with you in his arms. 

Quickly, he sped back to your bedroom, and realized the details he missed were the details of which were not there anymore. Your belongings were gone. Ulfric opened the wardrobe and found some, but not all, of your clothing gone. He notice how it was just enough for you to leave and be able to travel light. 

Ulfric was unable to fathom the thought of you leaving. He sat on his bed, on your side, thinking of what was happening. He leaned back on his hands, but felt something under the green covers. He lifted the blanket and found your journal. A page was marked by a dry quill. Ulfric brought his leg onto the bed and opened the leather book. The page which was saved was today’s entry.

I can’t stand it anymore. He read, hearing your voice as his eyes skimmed over the words. I love Ulfric. I love him with all of my heart, but this war is too much for us. I want to be with him and stand by his side, but my heart can’t take the violence any longer. In a war where I don’t pledge my allegiance to a side, even when I am married to the leader of the Stormclocks, there is too much for me. I plan to leave. Ulfric’s heart sank deeper. Not forever, but long enough for there things to calm down and for Skyrim to move past the death of the High King. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I want to leave Skyrim. But who knows? If I find a better life elsewhere, nothing is forcing me to come home to the chaos of Skyrim. I will miss Ulfric, no matter what I chose.

Whether you forgot your notebook or left it for him to read, he will never know.

One part of him wanted to be relieved that you did not plan to leave forever and you did plan on coming back, but the other part of him was louder and told him that you may never come back. Tamriel was not a safe world. The loneliness was setting in for him. Recalling the fight you had earlier in the day and all the other fights you have had, the stress you have had to endure due to his role in the war, he had a feeling you were not coming back.

---

There is a part two I am working on! This is not the end! However, I don’t know if I want a happy ending or a sad ending.

Also, I actually went into Ulfric’s bedroom to see what it looks like for this fic lmao.

[nordic-language-love]

Norwegian

Read 1x article + wrote opinion

Read 5x chapters Odinsbarn

Watched 4x Kveldsnytt broadcasts

Watched 2x Nytt På Nytt episodes

Listened to 1x Norsken, svensken og dansken podcast

Listened to 1x Smartere om ti minutter podcast

Wrote 3x journal entries

30 minute italki session

Speaking practice: talked about my job and learning Norwegian

Mysteriet av Nils - finished chapter 29 + read chapter 30

Duolingo: increased skills Sport and Body to level 3

This is a long one, sorry!

My listening abilities are so inconsistent, like sometimes I can watch Kveldsnytt and understand basically everything, other times I can only get a vague gist of what’s going on. I guess it depends on a number of factors: what topics are being discussed, what dialect the presenter has, how tired I am and how much I zone out (sometimes I have to rewind it because I just haven’t been paying attention). This week I got on so much better than last week (I turned off subtitles again and got on fine), but I don’t think it’s because I’ve miraculously improved since then lol

While listening to music this week, a Norwegian song came on that I hadn’t heard for a while, and I was so surprised at how much I understood now. Last time I listened to that song it was mostly just gibberish, but this time it was like 70% real words that I understood and only maybe 30% gibberish. That’s pretty good tbh - even when listening to songs in English I often mishear lyrics (I was listening to Tool the other day and got literally 2 lines of an entire song lol) so understanding that much feels pretty good to me!

I got round to listening to another Norsken, svensken og dansken podcast this week too. I noticed I can understand the Norwegian quite well even when only passively listening, and I can understand the Swedish and Danish okay when I concentrate, although I tend to focus on individual words (particularly with Danish) rather than just listening to the whole sentence, so I end up not actually understanding fully, if that makes sense? I used to have the same problem with Norwegian (which I forgot - it’s nice to be reminded I have actually made progress!) so I’m hoping with continued practice I’ll understand more. I’m thinking of maybe making it a goal of mine to understand Swedish and Danish better and maybe dabbling in them on Duolingo, but I think I’ve got a bit more work on my Norwegian to do first. Kinda wanna get to C1 listening before I start branching out like that!

Also, Nytt På Nytt is back! I watched it with subtitles but I tried to use them as little as possible. I understood Bård quite well and Erna too (I guess I’m used to her because I see her on the news so much), although the others were quite hit-and-miss and I definitely didn’t understand everything being said. But it’s still a huge improvement from when I first started watching it and would not only have to read subtitles the whole time but would sometimes have to pause and rewind it just to read them or maybe look up entire sentences.

Additionally, I was quite pleased with my writing this week. I started writing about an article I’d read and decided not to use a dictionary, and I ended up writing quite a lot. I then went back and edited it, still without using a dictionary. Then I used a dictionary just to add a little more nuance to what I was trying to say. It took quite a while - I kept coming back to it throughout the day - but I’m still really pleased with how little I needed to look up (even though I still made a lot of mistakes).

And then of course there was my italki session, which I’ve already talked about! I was so happy with how that went and how well I managed. I definitely wasn’t fluent (I said something in French at one point whoops lmao) and would often stop and start and rethink what I was trying to say, but all in all I’m happy with how it went!

I’m making good progress with Odinsbarn too. Sometimes there’s lots of new vocabulary but it’s very rare I actually feel the need to stop and look something up (sometimes I look things up because I’m like “if that means what I think it means then that’s hecka useful). I’ve not had much time to read this week, so I’m hoping to do more of that next week.

All in all, I’m feeling positive about all my skills this week. No doubt come next week or a couple of weeks from now that’ll change, but it’s nice to feel like I’m making progress :)

Productivity grid

Yeah, it’s been a good week for Norwegian. Look at all that blue! I’ve been slacking a bit on my TEFL course though. I’ve literally got 2.5 assignments left but I’m kiiiinda stuck on them so I’ve been really lazy about it. I need to get my arse in gear this week and just get them over with. What I’ve got to remember is that if I don’t pass them and I have to redo them, I’ll have learned something and I’ll be better as a teacher eventually as a result.

Have a good week everyone!

[lrugloyak]

Ben's uncle (i.e. another dream about a hot demon)

(Hi. If it’s your first time here, you can go HAHA. I’m not sure when I can focus back on my personal musings on here, but generally if you’re staying behind, I hope it’s for the memes. This is just a dream journal entry -- something I’d like to look back and laugh at in the future or, say, show to a therapist when I’ll need one lmao. Happy New Year!)

Like the actor who plays the old version of the lead guy in huling el bimbo; if not taller and darker but still theatre actor, basta real and dark like daveed but pinoy and no facial hair lmao

Ben's uncle drives me to school. Real school. With little Ben. Ben's uncle is wearing a black collared shirt with green double stripes.

I forget to bring socks and topple off the car with just slippers on and shoes in hand. He thinks I'm silly. I think he's hot. I tell myself I'll ask him out soon. I'm in high school.

I'm strangely waiting outside the lobby for class. It's afternoon. I go with Che to the gate bc I'm bored waiting. I trip over a few Christmas balls. When I get up, she's on the other side of the gate on some sort of fine ticking stuff off. I tell myself i can do that and reach for the pen. Ms. Joji is beside che with 2 familiar janitors from sisc. She politely chuckles to herself. I ask her why, and she tells me I'm kind but why care about this now. She touches my hand and carries on. I'm a bit disappointed.

It's nearly evening and i see ben's uncle's car roll around nearby but dismiss it. Bea v has a twin and draws in a small crowd of people as she loudly rants about her time at school, some story about being teased and embarrassed as she was called Bea Duh and V____. It seemed more like a pun that made sense in my dream. They were annoying but i had nothing against then so i just stayed behind the crowd and listened. They seemed like they just wanted people to listen and sympathize but it felt like a clout thing. The people seemed like they didn't like listening either but they were bored and liked being in the crowd. I giggled to myself while she was talking about something i wasn't listening to. All eyes turned to me. She asked if i had something to say. I saw ben's uncle's back from afar as he was rummaging through the back seat. I didn't think he saw me. I mindlessly started with my story about forgetting my shoes that morning and it was embarrassing. But i slipped with the fact that i wanted to ask ben's uncle out. I looked back at the crowd and saw their eyes light up. Someone asked me why. I said because he was hot. They ask laughed. I just said yeah he's hot! The crowd ate it up as i was pretending to be all the rage, making my story funnier and being more loose and confident with the way i moved. I didn't say it out loud, but thoughts of ben's uncle being attractive bc he was thoughtful, funny, kind and attentive were flooding my head. I look back at him and see he's staring right back at me with kind eyes and a wondering smile on his face. I laugh bc I'm having a good time with the crowd and i unknowingly proved a point to bea that you can turn embarrassing stories into good and still be in good company. Ben's uncle is by the gate. His elbow brushes past mine and we lock eyes. I asked if he heard all that. He asks what time my classes started and i realize oh yeah I've been waiting out here a bit alone for a class I'm not sure I'm having. We chuckle at the realization. He is admitted through sisc's electronic gate.

Search for the demon in a village that looks like manuela but with wider roads. Felt like the village in wallace and gromit. Forgot most of this part but it was heart racing and fun; i hate when i forget the adventure parts Couldn't capture the demon but found a book with some inscriptions. Had to go somewhere to find people who could help us. We were to go to a shack that same night.

I arrive with my friend to the shack. We find two guys in a room that looked a lot like lolas room now that i think about it. Guys are sleeping soundly in a bed. He tells me to take a nap first so i take a nap on a space on the right side of the bed, which was disappointing bc i wanted to help look for the demon. I am mostly asleep, but he didn't know i was still partly awake and listening and watching him decipher the book he just found. Guy in the middle wakes up and says demon is in the house, they just haven't found him yet. Informs they need to do a ritual to drive him out. They don't know how the ritual will go. They leave the room already chanting something foreign that doesn't seem to be working. I hear them enter the room beside this. September starts playing. They are chanting i think.

When the verse comes up, i hear one of them say it's not working. It was then when the legs of the guy on the left side of the bed started rising even though he was still asleep. He is wearing a grey tshirt. Hmm lol probs not important. The chorus comes and i hear the guys in the other room say that hey this isn't so bad; it's not working but they're not getting hurt from all the heavy chanting. Left side of the bed guy's arms were now rising too. "I'm not in my body" i hear the being on what looked like lolas computer chair in the shadows say. I understand he was driven out. That guy was ben's uncle. He tells me to go back to sleep. I smile and say no. So it's you, i think. He didn't have to answer. There was a bit of silence as September continued playing and the guys in the other room just sounded like they were dancing at this point.

I ask if he knew I wanted to ask him out when he passed me as he went to pick ben up from inside the school. He said yeah and smiled. I felt no shame. We both laughed. I was getting sleepier. I asked if he was the bad guy. He said yes even though I was hoping more that he'd say no. The info automatically popped in my head: he was called the necromancer. He asked why i asked, and i answered it was because nothing changed and i still wanted to go out with him. He considered it, i can feel it. He asked why, implying why i would want that knowing he's the demon, and i said bc he's hot. We both chuckled. He smiled again. Go to sleep he said, but i wouldn't budge. His human's legs and arms are still up. He won't keep his eyes off me. It seems more sincere. I'm not scared at all. Fuck, he's cute. He realizes he can't convince me. He walked over to my end of the bed and sat by my waist. We stare at each other for a bit and it feels like we've been talking for hours. I ask will you hold my hand and he takes it. His hand feels human. It even feels as nervous as one. I tell him everyone's capable of change. He looks at me with love in his eyes. The sound of September is drowned out by the feeling of time to rest your weary head clouding my senses. I don't want to wake up yet; i want to save him.

I wake up. I think there's been an earthquake.

I bite my lip.

Alright! So this was supposed to be a mind farts thing, which is why some sentences are less...sentence-like than others. Typed this out when I woke up at 5:48am. I was sad that I couldn’t get back to sleep bc I wanted to see Ben’s uncle again HAHAHAHA THE THIRST IS REAL and it’s so weird how I always just referred to him as Ben’s uncle and not??? a name?????

Okay, here are my notes possible factors:

• Gian Magdangal, but here in his role in AHEB and not anywhere else lol

I didn’t even feel the least attracted to him here; I’m not sure why Ben’s uncle took his form and why I was so eager to get in cahoots with him HAHAHAHA SORRY GIAN

• By “real school,” I mean my actual high school -- that part of the entrance was perfect in my head to the last detail. Little Ben, whoever the heck he is, was also wearing the grade school uniform. 

• The last I’ve heard from Che was from an instagram post for the holidays. I’m not sure why she got in here. 

• For the life of me, I don’t know what Ms. Joji and my school janitors represented. Maybe it’s my late feeling of detachment from being coined as a nice person. I can’t promise I’ll write about that here. 

• I don’t know why Bea V is here either huhu. Despite what it seems like, I hold no grudges (or any real personal connection) to her, at least to my knowledge

• The action sequence in Manuela probably comes from how I’ve been going there often for the holidays and truly wanted to stay longer that I did. 

• September??? My dad’s been playing songs of that era when his friends came around and when he’d have the hand at the Manuela get-togethers.

• The thirst? Yeah it comes with all the dreams now, it seems. Haha. Remember Suit Guy from the other dream? I’m convinced they’re the same character. After my closure with a real boy last month, I reverted back to talking to Angel. I don’t expect you to know who he is as I’ve never mentioned him officially in writing. It’s not like anyone’s going to read this anyway until I’m dead, but Angel’s been my imaginary friend for years. I’m not sure for how long, but perhaps it was since fallen angel tropes took over YA fiction (say, my 5th grade years?) or since I got into Supernatural. It comforts me to have a hot imaginary friend I can banter and actually fight with to talk to. I guess my fixation on tall mysterious guys (and after watching Daddy Long Legs din pala last night) just played into my metaphorical love for Angel.

[poguesofthebau]

Idk if the ships are still open but I think they’re adorable and wanted to ask for one!! I’m 5’0 (yes I’m short) and I used to have long blonde hair but I just recently chopped it off to my shoulders and dyed it brown. I’m bi and I’ve been told I’m the literal definition of “seems like a cinnamon roll but could kill you”. I think I’m very sweet and I love to dance and sing. I’m referred to as the baby of my friend group. And idk if this matters but I wear hearing aids and mishear EVERYTHING 😂❤️

YAY omg i love to hear that u guys like these lil blurbs bc i love doing them!!! 🥺🥺🥺 ALSO i had a best friend in high school who wore hearing aids but he was super sporadic about them so i don’t know really anything about them but i thought this would just be a cute lil idea :) but let me know if i just pulled it out of thin air bc if it’s too inaccurate i would always be willing to write something else for u!!

i ship you with kie!! (side note: i was watching victorious when i started writing this one last night and andre wrote jade a BOP so this is lowkey a victorious inspired blurb LMAO)

realistically i think we can all agree that kie would write so many songs and poems and journal entries about you. at first, when your relationship was still unofficial and essentially a secret, the boys had no idea that she was writing all this shit about you. they’d catch her singing a couple lyrics she’d written, but when they interrogated her on who they were about (they all thought it was about themselves 100%), she wouldn’t crack. eventually (soon after jj walked in on you two messing around), the secret would come out, and the boys would finally realize who was inspiring all of kie’s new lyrics. “after what i witnessed happening, some of those lines now make perfect sense,” jj would sarcastically mumble at the ‘pogue meeting’ where you and kie first actually admitted to your relationship. john b would smack him upside the head before kie had the chance to do it, smiling knowingly at her when she beamed at his action. from then on, everything made sense to everyone. you and kie finally getting together after months of flirting and hiding feelings from each other seemed to lighten the mood even among the boys.

one afternoon, the five of you would be out on the hms pogue. you’d have been on the water for a few hours at that point, all of you slightly exhausted after splashing around in the water for a while. after climbing out, you’d laid yourself across kie’s lap, closing your eyes as she bobbed her head to the music pouring into her ears through her headphones and raked her hands through your wet hair. knowing kie, you assumed she was lightly humming the lyrics to herself, but you couldn’t hear her at all. you’d taken out your hearing aids to get in the water, and hadn’t gotten around to putting them back in yet. because of that, you could barely make out jj’s voice as he began "singing” some lyrics to one of the songs kie had recently written you. you’d look at him with confusion clear on your face as he dramatically sang to you from across the boat, laughing at how ridiculous he looked despite not being able to make out what the point of the performance was. “babe, i think he’s broken,” you’d mutter to kie, turning your head to her to make sure she heard you. she took out a headphone after hearing your words, looking to jj in annoyance. “what is he even saying? i can’t hear him for shit, and i don’t think he realizes i don’t have my aids in.” you’d watch her mouth as she spoke, shaking her head in obvious disapproval of your friend’s actions. “he’s such a dumb fuck,” you’d make her words out to be. “jj! she can’t fucking hear you, idiot!” at that point, you’d laugh again at the situation itself, dragging yourself up from your laying position and reaching into your backpack for your hearing aids. once you’d put them back in, the argument bouncing around the boat came in loud and clear. pope and john b had joined kie in giving jj a hard time, and once you caught on with the conversation, you were heading over to jj. “hey, you little rat,” you’d jokingly threaten as you neared him, getting him into a headlock and lightly rubbing his head with your knuckles before letting him go again. “haven’t you noticed? i can’t ever hear shit!” jj would choke out a laugh at your words, still feigning off the rest of the crew as they continued to bicker in the background. “sorry, i’ll make sure to sing a little louder next time and i’m sure you’ll hear. want me to start now?” before you could even shake your head, jj was screaming more of kie’s song lyrics in your face. you’d retreat back to your girlfriend, plopping down next to her and lacing your fingers through hers as she laughed and dropped her head onto your shoulder. “i’m never playing another song for these assholes again,” she’d claim with an exasperated sigh. “from now on, you will be the only one who hears your songs.” “don’t worry, baby,” you’d grin as you gave her hand a squeeze in your own. “i may mishear everything, but i always hear your songs loud and clear. i think i’m the only listener you need.” kie would laugh at that, lifting her head to look at you with a smile. “honey, i love you for that, but you definitely barely hear my music when i play it for you half the time.” she’d peck your lips, prompting you to smile and nod. “you’re right. can’t hear shit. but either way, i love you, too.”

[almondscroissant]

Okay so I see a lot of talk on my dash regarding Liam’s situation . What I don’t understand is why now? I mean this has been going on pretty much for sometime....but why write essays about it NOW? When we have so much other Liam content (pick the positive things lol) that we can focus on. Everyone has had opinions about the age thing since the beginning...why try to divert attention towards it at a time where our energies can be better focused on positive things. /part1

/part 2 We know Liam has admitted to so many issues that he had, HAS to deal with. Why not spare some love for him?

ANON HELLO. Is it too soon to say I love and respect you? 😂 No but really I hear you! I don’t know why now, but tbh my first and only thought (and others have said the same and more eloquently) is basically attention….. I mean just judging by another post I read today from OP I don’t think it at all stems from concern or love for Liam, I think someone saw an easy way to get likes and whatever kind of temporary clout this gets you on Twitter. Enjoy I guess!

And yeah here’s the thing! I know the age difference bothers a lot of people. Me too, it’s very valid!!!! I know it makes some feel uncomfortable and God knows I don’t like it at all and wonder why it ever had to happen. We should always be critical of the media we’re presented with, and I’m often so glad I found my way here where I feel comfortable discussing things with others who feel the same (because wow have i ever and very enthusiastically lol)

But what happened with that post, it’s not okay. There’s no reason it needed to get to that level and seeing people who claim to support Liam celebrating it getting picked up by entertainment media outlets is ??? Because who is it benefiting?? It makes Liam look bad; I’m sure it absolutely makes him feel bad; for all the talk of Maya being super young idk if anyone cares about her but it doesn’t do her much justice; it’s not going to suddenly end the stunt any sooner, like “oof lol sike you got us!” and anyone who was at least here for Gigi and Cheryl should know that. Remember when @Liam was blocking people who criticized Cheryl? It’s all happened!!! 

And like you mentioned, I just don’t understand how we went from Liam saying things like “when will it end” and opening up about dark moments that almost killed him to feeling like it’s our place to directly call him out on a relationship most of us don’t even believe is real! Everyone accuses his team of using him but it’s for some reason okay to just turn around and use his situation for our own weirdo popularity contest. I just!!!!!

ANYWAY. This was so not the point of your ask but I had to get all that out, sorry for treating this like a journal entry and God bless if you read this far lmao. 

But yes! You’re right!!!!!! I’m gonna spare all the love for Liam, especially how 👏 cute 👏 he 👏 looked 👏 in 👏 suspenders! And how he’s a legit Indiana Jones type now!!!! And how I can very easily presave and preorder his debut album LP1 out one month from today, on Friday December 6th 2019 wow!!!!!!!!

(Editing to add, thank you for sending this anon, I appreciate you!! 💕)