#sorry the MOMENT i saw it i was like RAWR IS DINOSAUR FOR I LOVE YOU i was TRANSPORTED back to the mid 2000s

[actualbird]

// cn server spoilers, an interaction from marius' dragonbreath event outfit but i meme'd it past comprehension

hes going rawr X3

[blackbat05]

Day by Day

Shangqi x Reader 

A/N: My love for this man has hit an all time high so let me capitalize on it while I still can! If you read everything, I sincerely thank you for doing so!!! And holy cow 2 fics in 2 days have I gone back into my prime days? 

Genre: PG-13

Notes: As the title mentioned, I’ll probably set it some time after endgame. You could see it as a prequel to my first post! Reader is a social worker and she’s just dealing with all the mess that the snap bought back. The reader’s name as Jen Lee. I also apologize in advance for the potentially long fic. 

***

‘Excuse me, I’m looking for my child? Her name’s Wang Yiman and she’s seven.’ Another frazzled-looking parent fought her way to the front of the receptionist, approaching the helpless intern who looked like she was going to be on the verge of tears if another request came in. 

‘I got this,’ a hand calmly reassured the young intern as she beckoned the relief parent. ‘Mrs Wang? My name is Jen Lee and I’m the social worker here.’ I offered my hand for the anxious mother. ‘Oh thank god! Is Yiman ok? She must have been so scared!’ I slowed to a stop outside the room at the end of the corridor, gently sitting her down. 

‘Yiman has been a very brave girl Mrs Wang, but I will not lie to you. The sudden disappearance of their parents has traumatized a lot of kids. We’ve managed to explain to them what was going on but they will need a lot of support.’ I gave a glance over Mrs Wang’s shoulder, nodding to my colleague, Tammy who was holding the hand of a little girl in pigtails and a floral dress. 

妈妈! mā ma (mommy!)

The young girl ran into her mother’s open arms, allowing the floodgates to open from both ends. I turn to Tammy as we shared a silent agreement to leave the area. ‘That’s the last one for the day,’ Tammy unceremoniously plops herself onto the chair, letting out a groan. ‘Thanks for your hard work Jen.’ 

‘Right back at you.’ I entered the last bit of paperwork before uploading Yiman’s case file onto the portal. Yiman’s reunion with her parents meant the Children and Youth Centre were halfway in getting every displaced child back to their parents. Looking at the dingy television that was hung on the walls at the waiting room, despite not being able to hear anything, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on. S.W.O.R.D was apparently in a stand-off against Wanda Maximoff? Reported rumors that Sam Wilson didn’t want anything to do with the shield? It’s been a crazy few weeks but that was utter- 

‘Bullshit! If anything it’s the government. They must have psyched him into giving up the shield.’ My chair swiveled to face Tammy who returned a nonchalant shrug. ‘What? You know I’m right. Doesn’t matter if half the world’s gone or our universe gets split into two - they’re the true evil here. I’m still struggling to find a place after I found a couple making out in my apartment! And you know what the global repatriation council told me? We’re only dealing with urgent cases right now. Well I say f-’

The incessant ringing of the bell interrupted our conversation, replacing Tammy’s tirade into a cheeky grin. ‘Look who’s here!’ 

Shangqi stands behind the counter, dressed in his usual red varsity jacket and jeans, holding bags of what I could only make out as takeout from the Chinese restaurant that was run by a friendly Singaporean couple. ‘Did I interrupt something?’ He scratches his head nervously. ‘Nope, in fact you just saved me from Tammy’s monologue, any further and she’ll explicitly tell me what she saw in her apartment when she got dusted back that day,’ I shivered in mock fear. ‘Still haunts me up till today.’ Tammy meets us by the door, bag in her hand. 

‘I thought you were staying? We got fried dumplings and 泡饭  pào fàn (poached rice).’ 

‘Last minute duty - A parent called, gotta run! Enjoy your dinner date.’ She waggles her eyebrows suggestively, much to our embarrassment. ‘What? It’s not...’ Shangqi stutters, trying to form intelligible sentences. ‘Get out before I throw a fried dumpling at your face Tammy!’ She winks at me, before darting out of the door. Once my nosy colleague was out, I turn towards a red-faced Shangqi. ‘I’m so sorry... just don’t mind her.’ 

‘Huh?’ The man was knocked out of his stupor. ‘Oh yeah... sure,’ in an attempt to forget everything that had just happened, he opened the packets of fried dumplings. ‘Ready for war?’ 

‘I was born ready.’ 

Thirty-five minutes later, all that was left were the remnants of fried dumplings and three empty containers. 

‘This should be illegal,’ I patted my stomach in satisfaction to his amusement. ‘Laugh at yourself! You lost track of how many dumplings you had and ended up taking my share!’ 

Raising his hands in defeat, Shangqi starts to clear the table up. ‘So how’s the center? Everything alright?’ I nodded numbly. 

The past five years had been a blur. Hazy, even. All I remembered was a kid running into the office telling me that half of the staff disappeared during a school holiday program that we were running with a dozen other kids. Parents who survived the snap rushed to our center, demanding to see their children. We couldn’t give them any answer as we too, were equally perplexed. Maybe the only thing that made sense was Shangqi and Katy bursting into the center to help us with the chaos. 

Coming back from what could be the 1000th phone call, I got a glimpse in the children’s playroom where the five years old kids were at, treating myself to an amusing sight. They all had red cloths draped around their neck, each holding a stick that was from the abandoned prop box. Katy wasn’t spared to as she was wearing her own red cloth that seemed a few sizes to small for her. Not that she didn’t seem to mind. 

‘Alright my warriors! Chargeeeeee!!!!!!’ 

In unison, little pairs of feet pattered across the room towards their ‘enemy’, a cardboard cutout of a monstrous creature who was really just Shangqi in disguise. 

‘RAWR! I’ll eat anyone who stands in my way!’ He stands up, mimicking a dinosaur that was about to trample an entire city. I decided that the paperwork could wait, standing near the door to watch an Oscar-worthy performance. With great effort and bravery from the kids, they finally managed to take down 5 foot 10 worth of muscle. 

‘Again! Again!’ 

I chuckled upon seeing Shangqi on the floor, about to drift off into wonderland. It was time for me to step in. ‘Alright kids that’s enough for today! Dinner’s here.’  As the kids dispersed with the help of Katy, it was just the two of us left to clear up the mess. ‘Thank you so much, both of you. I honestly can’t think of what would happen if you guys didn’t come to help.’ 

Perhaps my body language was screaming ‘I’m dead tired, please just knock me out’ as Shangqi takes a cloth from me, folding it back into the box. ‘It’s what we would have done, this place, it means a lot to us - to me.’ 

A small knock on the door diverts our attention away from the trash. Little Yiman stands at the door, as she stares at the both of us with big round eyes. 

‘Yiman, it’s late, what are you doing here?’ I squat down to her eye level. The little girl beams, ‘ 妈妈 said that I could give this to you!’ She passes me a juice box together with a handmade card with colorful scribbles. Maybe I was carrying too much on my shoulders, as I suddenly felt a boulder lifted off me. ‘Thank you,’ I smile at her sweetly, ‘I love apple juice.’ Happy with the response, she runs to Shangqi. ‘Shangqi 哥哥 gē ge (brother)!’ 

He breaks out into a smile, opening his arms wide. Yiman nuzzles her head into his shoulder before breaking out into uncontrollable giggles from his sudden attack of tickles. ‘Are you hear to help Miss Jen?’ I took the trash from his hands, giving him some time with the girl. 

‘Yes I am. Miss Jen needs some help so I’m here today!’ 

‘Are you her boyfriend?’ 

Shangqi freezes on the spot. He had undergone what could be the toughest training by his father, fought the greatest assassins in the world and here he was - stumped by a question from a seven year old. ‘Well... I’m her close friend since when we were very young,’ Yiman looks at him expectantly. ‘She helped me when I was in trouble so I had to be a good friend when she was in trouble too.’ 

‘Like how Ningning helped me when I injured my knee?’ 

‘Yeah... something like that.’ He breathes a sigh of relief, thankful to escape his first crisis. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure if he was telling himself the truth. 

‘Yiman! Your mother’s here!’ The little girl gives him one last hug before running to the waiting room. Shangqi takes a moment to recollect himself. ‘Here I am thinking that you finally managed to have some stamina while interacting with young children, maybe I was wrong.’ I teased as I sat beside him. 

‘Har har, hilarious.’ He tosses me a straw for our peach teas, as we were greeted by the amazing night view of San Francisco. ‘Enough about me, you good though?’ Looks like he didn’t forget the conversation that was cut off earlier. My mind goes back to a few minutes earlier, eavesdropping on the conversation.

‘I had to be a good friend when she was in trouble too.’

Life has been so unpredictable, I don’t even want to think too far into the future. With appearances from more superpowered beings, I don’t know what’s real anymore.

‘Yeah. To be honest, it’s been so crazy and overwhelming but I’ll get through it. I have you don’t I?’ Giving him a wink, I slowly sipped on the sweetness of the tea, savoring the pearls. He pauses for a moment, nodding thoughtfully. 

Life isn’t the same as it was before. But maybe, just maybe... if I had Shangqi, I’ll take each day on one at a time. Day by day. 

[END]

A/N: Hoho! I literally spent the whole afternoon writing because I just had to get this idea out and also because work was pretty slow today. I have no idea what is up with my first two fics hinting at unrequited love? I guess I got inspired by Shangqi’s and Katy’s platonic relationship because I thought it was so well written but I also love Shangqi so I guess is a compromise kinda thing. Again, do like and comment if you wish! Really thankful that y’all have been so kind to me so far! 

Perhaps I’ll try my hand at shorter ones like headcannons before this girl exhausts herself out and I don’t want to do that because I believe I have more to show! 

[honeypirate]

Cat and Mouse

Tiny bit edited but I’m so tired.

Kuroo x fem reader college AU. 

explanation of the home layout in my head- three story mansion type. You walk in the big double doors and see a double stair case. The main floor has a study room, giant living room, a kitchen in the back, and a big bathroom. The second floor up the stairs is a big open room with another stair case in the back right corner that leads up to a landing that has a door that leads to another bathroom and the Farther up is the third floor that is just bedrooms. This house is OSHA violation but don’t dwell on that. It has a big backyard with a pool and volleyball court. It’s the volleyball teams frat house.

College AU where Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukishima,and Hinata all go to the same college. Kuroo isn’t on the volleyball team but is always at the games and house hanging out when he’s not studying for his heavy medical exams.

The songs I talk about were just the ones that were playing while I wrote. Music feeds my creativity.

Word count: 3k +

Warnings- swearing, drinking, drugs, immaturity

▼・ᴥ・▼▼・ᴥ・▼▼・ᴥ・▼▼・ᴥ・▼▼・ᴥ・▼

The moment you stepped into the frat house you regretted coming. The first party of the semester that you were invited to because you just got added to one of the frat guys group in a biology class, which honestly threw you off because the boy that asked you to come was super sweet with the cutest tangerine hair.

“A great way to make friends” you roommate said and then she promptly ditched you when she saw an old friend high school, she didn’t know that they went to the same college now and had to catch up, she told you to go get a drink to loosen up so you tried to make your way to where you hoped the kitchen would be in this god awful huge frat house. 

The walls were lined with volleyball posters and more volleyball paraphernalia. You knew your school had a huge team but you didn’t know any more than that, you guessed this was the volleyball boys frat house and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw a picture and the same tangerine boy from your class was in it along with his team. “Huh” you say to yourself, your voice drowned in the music. 

When you find the kitchen you take a shot, then one more, then a third for good measure before getting a can of soda from the fridge. You didn't care for nursing drinks, you liked to just get the alcohol in and then drink something you actually liked. 

You took a yellow solo cup and filled it with cocoa puffs you found in a cupboard and then left the kitchen, you didn’t know anyone so you thought you would walk around and see what this place had to offer besides drunk college kids and volleyball. 

You walk around the first floor, there was a pool in the back surrounded by people in bathing suits drunk and yelling, you laughed when a guy got hit in the face with a volleyball and as he looked up to get mad at whoever hit him, he caught your eye looking at him from the open sliding glass door. He was handsome, tall with messy black hair and a goofy smile. He had long arms and a white button up with rolled up sleeves tucked into distressed black jeans and black vans. He winks at you and you can’thelp but laugh and wave. You tip your cup back, pouring some of the cereal in your mouth before walking away from the door, not noticing how he started to make his way over to you.

When he gets to the door he looks around for you, trying to find where the angel went, he caught sight of your back on the other end of the room heading up the stairs and he takes off through the crowd with a smile on his lips. 

You walk up the left side of the double staircase, making your way past drunk people and couples making out, to the top where you find a large room filled with more people and several games of beer pong happening. You catch the eye of tangerine dream and raise your cereal glass to him with a smile before tipping more cereal into your mouth and walking around the crowd to the next staircase, your skin buzzing as the alcohol gets to your system.

“Kuroo!” Hinata says as he makes it to the top of the stairs “Hey Kid! Great party” Kuroo says, his eyes scanning the room for you again, catching your hair as you walked up the next set of steps. His eyes finally focused on the small guy, he was saying something but Kuroo wasn’t hearing him, his mind was on you and the way you smiled at him. “I’m sorry Hinata. Do you know where this girl went? She was wearing a jean jacket and black shirt and had a soda and a cup?” Hinata thinks back to you and grins “H/C hair? And super gorgeous?” Kuroo nods “yes her” Hinata laughs “she went upstairs, you just missed her” 

You walk around the top floor, it was all bedrooms and a few of them had socks on the door so you avoided those. You walked into one of the rooms that had an open door and flipped on the light. There was a king sized bed that was made and you were shocked that it actually smelled nice. You spot a lit candle and smile, tobacco smoke was the scent and you really liked it. 

You walk around the room, looking at the posters of music and led lights around the edge of the ceiling. You looked at the standing mirror in the corner which was basically just a picture collage. You recognized a few of the volleyball team in the pictures and deduced that this room belonged to the player with the silver hair and golden eyes.

One whole wall was a chalkboard and you squealed when you saw a big bucket of chalk. You set down your soda on the dresser and picked up a piece of blue chalk and started doodling around his notes as you ate some more cereal. You drew hearts and several other shapes before drawing an owl in the middle of the wall and then wrote a note that said ‘great room, love the candle’ 

You leave the light on when you leave the room, making your way down the hall and checking out the other rooms, you set a record to play in the last one and listen to a song by an artist named Shelly as you admired dinosaurs on the bookshelves lining the top, swaying to the beat as you snooped through the messy contents on top of a dresser, hair care products, notebooks, and books lined the back and coins and pens were were in front. You grabbed a pen and a notebook and ripped out a page, folding and ripping off a perfect square before using the extra paper to write a note. You turned the small square of paper into an origami T-Rex, the only origami you knew, and set it next to his plastic figure of a triceratops. You write a note and place it next to the Dino, it said ‘rawr means...’ with a heart and a bad doodle of little foot from the dinosaur movies of your childhood

Kuroo made his way down the hall, avoiding all the socked ones but stopping in Bokuto’s room when he saw the light was on. He notices your soda still on the dresser, the cool condensation no doubt going to leave a mark on the wood. He looks through your doodles and chuckles at the owl. When he noticed your handwriting, that stood out among Bokuto’s horrid chicken scratch, he smiled again. ‘Who are you?” he writes by your note before making his way out and into different bedrooms. 

You finish your snooping and head back to Bokuto’s room for your soda you forgot, passing a room that had some shouting and laughter but thinking nothing of it. You grab your soda but notice the response by your note, made by someone other than the person who lived in this room “who am i huh?” you pick up a red piece of chalk and write ‘just a girl’ before leaving the room and heading back down stairs. 

Kuroo didn't mean to go into the bedroom with two people doing the deed in it, he didn't notice the sock that fell to the floor, but he couldn't help but laugh at the way the poor guy who was stripping, hestill had on his socks, one black and one a white tube sock that was up to his shin. “Sorry man” he says with a chuckle after he gets yelled at and quickly exits the room. He makes his way to the end of the hall and in the last room the light was still on smelling like a floral perfume, he was so close! He noticed that the record was still playing and smiled at how cute this was. Noticing your little Dino you left and another layer of tension finds it’s way to his heart. When he leaves the room he catches your back as you walk down stairs again. “Fuck” he says and takes off down the longer than normal hallway. 

You walk around the room with the beer pong and smiled at HInata when she saw him again “hey do you want a hit?” a voice calls out and you finally notice the couch facing the windows in the room, completely hidden from the rest of the room. It was like it was it’s own little high universe in the middle of chaos. A few people were sitting around with brownies and bongs. You laugh “i might as well” you say and sit down in the middle of the group, sinking into the couch and disappearing from the room. 

“What strain?” you ask as you hold your soda and cup between your thighs and grab the bong and a lighter from the nice girl beside you “uh i think it’s stoney pebbles” you nod “that’s a good one” you take a deep hit and lt out the smoke slowly in smoke rings. You giggle a few times before taking one more hit and passing it. “Hey i’ll trade you a brownie for that cereal” a guy says from the floor in front of you “deal dude” you say and pass him your cup before he hands you a homemade pot brownie that was wrapped in plastic.

God where was she! He thought as he looked around “hey did you find her? She just came down” Hinata asked and he shook his head “I’m always one step behind” he says as he looks around, admiring the smoke rings he saw come up from around the couch. Him and Hinata make their way around the big second floor room, looking at everyone closely to find you. 

You talk a little to the group, exchanging numbers to match up whenever with the girl who you learned was named Sofia. You stand from the couch and stumble, giggling when floor boy, named Tony, caught you by your hips and steadied you. “Thanks man. See you guys around” you say with a wave as you take your soda and make your way back down the steps, taking a bite of the brownie as you went along. 

“Dude!” Hinata says and points across the room to the stairs again “Fuck!” Kuroo exclaims, catching the attention of Tony. “dude that girl just gave me a cup of cocoa puffs. She's an angel!”  Kuroo laughs your cup had cereal in it of all things, he guessed you were the one doing the smoke rings as well. He took off through the crowd again, trying to get to you. 

You make your way to the bottom of the steps, brownie half eaten and you wrap it up, sticking it into your jacket pocket for later as you finish your soda and head back to the kitchen for another. You feel the weed mix with your alcohol as your body gets more relaxed. You grab another cup, filling it with some chocolate chips you found in a cupboard labeled “Hinata”, making you remember that it was the tangerine cutie boy from your class. You put pretzels on top of the chocolate chips and grab a bottle of water this time to try and get ahead of your dehydration you would feel in the morning. 

You ignore your roommate full on sucking face with her friend from highschool on the couch in the study room and make your way to the living room where someone was playing halfway decent music while the furniture was pushed to the walls. You find the phone that was connected to the aux and picked it up, chuckling when the phone unlocked on the first try, 1111. You searched for a song on spotify, one that was stuck in your head since yesterday, Pain by King Princess, and set it to play next. The phone vibrates in your hand a text pops up in a banner, from ‘mom’ it said  ‘Dinner tomorrow night, you’re still bringing the rolls right?’ smiling you flick it up and away as you go to your spotify profile and click follow before adding your signature playlist to whomever’s account this was.  You place your cup and water on top of the table next to the phone and feel the music hit your soul as your song starts playing. 

“There you are” he says to himself as he watches you mess with his phone on the table by the speakers, smiling when he saw you smile and holding his breath when he saw you flick away a notification.  When you set his phone down he snapped back into action, making his way through the room over to you. You were now swaying around with the loud music, your arms swinging softly and your feet moving as you danced, you looked elegant and sweet dancing around with a smile on your lips. 

You chuckled when someone grabbed your hand, spinning you around in a few circles before his hands landed on your rib area on your back, the heat sinking through your jacket and shirt, making you wish his palms were on bare skin. When your eyes focused you smiled “guy who got hit with volleyball” you say and he laughs “angel with the sweet smile” he quips back and tucks your hair behind your ear. “Kuroo” he says and you feel your heart skip “y/n” you say back and he grins “beautiful name for a beautiful woman” you laugh “does that line even work?” The song had changed to a slow song and your hands made their way to his shoulders as you swayed together in the dimly lit room. 

“It has once or twice honestly” he admits and you shake your head “i’m not an easy girl to get Kuroo” you say and now it was his turn to laugh “oh I know that. I’ve been trying to find you all night” you cock your head “you have?” he nods “I liked the record choice in that last bedroom. And the drawings in Bokuto’s room” you laugh “you should have just yelled for me” he laughs “I could have. But you have led me down a pretty amazing adventure” you blush “i'm glad you think so, but why were you trying to find me?”he leans in close to your ear “to tell you how captivating you are and ask for your number” 

you feel your cheeks get warmer at his proximity “that’s so cheesy i'm tempted to say no” he laughs “i’m just being honest beautiful” you roll your eyes “yeah sure. And next you’ll say that you dont talk to anyone else like this and i’m a special case” he mocks feeling hurt, a hand clutching his chest, “oooh it burns” he says sarcastically and you laugh “it only burns because it’s true” 

he shakes his head “it’s not though” he smirks and you run your hands down his shoulders and chest, feeling his toned body beneath his shirt “oh yeah pretty boy? Then what is the truth?” he’s moved his hands to your hips and is now leading you as you dance from another faster paced song “the truth is this, I may have the looks, the ego, but I dont sleep around. I go after people I want to truly get to know. And you, sweetheart, are someone I would eally enjoy getting to know” you chuckle, your ears feeling warm as you look away with a smirk “okay Kuroo, i will trust you, but if we get to know each other and i find out you are really just a smooth talking asshole I have no issues calling your mom to talk” he laughs and holds you closer to him “my mama would love you” you roll your eyes, ignoring the way that made your heart pump quicker. 

“So why do you want to get to know me so bad?” you ask as the music changed again, to a slower song again. He looks down into your eyes with a smile for a moment, until you can't help but smile back at him “that's why. Your smile. It’s beautiful and your eyes are kind.”

your breath hitches and you lean up, kissing his cheek “that was sweet i don't even care if it’s just a play” he raises his arms in the air, his fingertips almost hitting the ceiling fan “i’m not playing!” he says and you chuckle, pulling yourself close to him as you side step to a ‘put your records on’ over. 

“Okay, okay. You’re not a player. I’ll trust you Kuroo. Does this house have a pet in it? I saw a leash by the door in the kitchen” he laughs and nods “Sasha, she's a golden retriever, she's probably in the garage” you bounce a little on your toes “lets go” you say and grab your water and cup of snacks, holding them in one hand like you used to with drinks when you were a server, the only skill you retained from those years at the Olive Garden, well i guess you also learned how to steal mints but that didn't matter in real life. 

You hold out your free hand towards him “don’t lose me again” you say when he laces your fingers together and he chuckles “yes ma'am” he replies and you blush, shaking your head. 

The garage had a jeep inside and several different sports boards on the wall, skateboards, snowboards, skis, you name it, it is in here. You hear jingling and a tail hitting a cage when you flip on the lights and you laugh as you open the cage. You shove your cups into Kuroo’s hands before the 75 pound dog jumps on you, pushing you to the ground to lick your face. you enjoyed the way Kuroo laughed when you hugged the doggy and kissed its face as you laid on the concrete. He sat down on the step and pet Sasha’s side as you held you. 

You end up sitting side by side on the step, your back covered in dog hair and dirt but you don't care, as you keep ‘magically’ passing the dog’s toy between you both, causing her to get confused and tilt her head to the side as she watched it yet again disappear before reappearing in Kuroo’s hand behind his back. It was unreal to the dog, once you threw the toy she took a moment to really stare at it before running after it. 

“Hey Kuroo” he hums “yeah?” you lace your fingers again and he pops a few of the chocolate chips in his mouth as you speak “you meant it when you said you want to get to know me? You’re not just smooth talking your way into my pants?” he squeezes your hand and turns so he can look at you in the eye “I meant it. I don’t want to smooth talk my way into your pants. I want to get to know you and take you out on an amazing date when you feel like a queen-” you lean in and press your lips to his for a second before pulling away with warm cheeks “what if i want to smooth talk my way into your pants huh?” he throws his head back with a small laugh “is that what you’re trying to do to me y/n?” he asks and you laugh with him “no. No. I want to get to know you too. You’re handsome and sweet” he blushes “thank you y/n” he whispers as he leans farther down to kiss your lips again, softly at first but more heated as you go, his tongue swirls slowly around with yours, the taste of salty chocolate filling your mouth from his tongue. his hands in your hair and on your cheek, your hands find their way into his hair as you moan into his mouth. He buys your bottom lip as he pulls away, your lip slapping against your teeth when he lets go. “oh pretty girl I want to make you mine” you chuckle and roll your eyes “I’m gonna make you work for it Kuroo” you whisper and he kisses your lips softly again, pulling back just a fraction to say “i’ll work as hard as i need. Believe it” you nod “good boy” you whisper and you see something flash in his eyes before you stand with a cheeky grin “wanna go draw penises on Bokuto’s chalkboard?” he stands up next to you and grins like a fool “a woman after my own heart” he brushes away a fake tear and you chuckle, taking his hand after he finishes cleaning up the dog toys and putting Sasha back in her crate. 

You laugh as you compare your different penis drawings on the chalkboard wall, everything erased except for your note and owl. You laugh as you point to his extremely small one he drew “is that a self portrait?” you joked and he gasped “no way!” he exclaims and you just smile knowingly, man gives off major BDE. you draw a picture of a sunflower garden as he writes by your note ‘just the prettiest girl i've ever seen’ 

[bread-elf]

DWC 2020 - Day 29

Hallow’s End

Post invasion of N’zoth

It had been a long time since there was so much peace able to be achieved, especially with something as devastated as the assault from the Black Empire. With the change of season just around the corner, nearly the whole world focused on the festivities of fall, and Jiroki is no exception.

A distraction of the mind was greatly needed, and she knew many of her own people could use it as well. And so, she decided to reach out to those that she knew who had children, to see if perhaps they would be interested in a gathering for trick or treating in Elwynn Forest, and some had attended.

Jiroki of course had brought her family. Her sister, Estal'anar, is currently taking her turn walking with Jiroki's twins. She knew her children did wonders for Estal's mental health, and even her human 'boyfriend' Szadek walked along with them. Both of the twins dressed like faerie dragons, in hoods and having little wings attached to their costume, holding hands together and with the couple as they walked. They almost looked like their own family, and Jiroki wondered when in the fel Szadek would man up and take the next step with her sister.

Aridren, their uncle, carried Jiroki's littlest one, Taldreath. The small boy still small enough to be cradled, a bit small for Kaldorei babes as is. The boy wore a warm hoodie designed to look like a Murlock, keeping him cozy in the chilly air as his great uncle carried him in his arms while bouncing lightly. Aridren followed behind Estal and Svadek and the twins, going up to a house to get some candy. Jiroki's dear friend, Relliea "Moon" Wilder, walked alongside the red headed human Nathiria Vetrose. Their sons had taken a liking to each other, Nathiria's boy Jaxon dressed like a green dragon whelping, and Andorus a warrior with a color scheme similar to a Blood Knight. They played and pretended to fight against one another as they ran off for more candy. Moon carried her youngest born in her arms, a darling little elf girl with bright silver eyes, yet brown hair and slim ears similar to a Sin'dorei. As the two mothers chat Sheamus stood with them, a worgen in his human form as he carefully watched over Jasper from afar, anxious and wanting to impress his love interest Nathiria. But beside him his attention kept getting drawn, Eric Parthilan, a human priest of balance, chatting away as his wife Ilysaraeth stood nearby, and both carried their newborn twins. Ilysaraeth also walked the path of a Demon Hunter, but took recommendation from Jiroki of her own Azerite treatment she got in order to attempt to have a child. By a miracle they successfully conceived and now the haflings babbled happily in their parent’s arms. The couple named the boy Galadend, and they even had decided to name the little girl Jiroki. The Darkstars and Moonshadows walked together up ahead. Ia and Zanheaaen Darkstar had brought their toddlers Eylennia and Zevris, halflings between humans and Quel'dorei. Though the stoic couple had never really participated in Hallow's End before, and their children wore just plain orange onside. But Kengah Moonshadow found them endearing, much more so than what her partner Cylan Moonshadow had dressed up their children. Nina and Zorba, as well as halflings of humans and Kaldorei, the little children had been dressed up as puppies, Cylan playfully trying to irk his Worgen wife. Even now she glared at him as he hurried along with their 'puppies', making a fool of himself and walking while in a low squat, squirming his arms like waves as he matched forward, his children laughing behind him and trying to catch up to their silly An’da. Merli'neath P.P. Glaivefall dressed as a fantasy fairy princess. Pink wings sparkled on her back while little sticker stars dotted all over her the bridge of her nose and high cheekbones, a tiara crowned on her while her lovely long hair cascaded down. Allerian Windspyre is with her, a young Kaldorei that Jiroki had a bit of a fondness for, almost like a son. Though at an age to be considered a young adult in their culture, the young monk-in-training dressed up as well, as a member of the Shado-Pan. But both Merli and Allerian were occupied trying to assist a frail old Kaldorei. Rather large for an elf, hunched over even and using a crane to help walk. A long white beard nearly touched the floor as it swayed side to side, and the man wore a mask similar to what Shadow Hunters wear. He wore large mittens to keep his hands warm, his ears rather short and looking rather strange for a Kaldorei. Merli and Allerian helped the man walk and take his stroll for candy as well, but Jiroki had suspicions as she saw a chicken walking after the ‘old man’. Daniel Farington the death knight enjoyed partaking in the seasonal events that occurred around the world. His memory has been lost years ago, every year he always experienced something new, and he enjoyed it the most with his beloved. A young human druidess, given the name Fawn’s Step in the Willow, a woman with tribal markings from the Furblog tribe who had named her, walked together in silent steps with him. Daniel wore a cut out mask with the face of a human man on it, pretending to not talk as himself as Fawn carried what they considered to be their child. A black kitten, wearing a little headband with antlers of a stag on them, though the kitten didn’t seem to look to enjoy it much as it’s carried around. Sharpen Jadescythe had heard of parents in the Greyshields coming to hang out, and he brought along his little moose pet he named Venidaughter. Once he had seen that a couple actually had a small animal they considered their child, the sweet himbo immediately attached himself to them, getting to know them and trying to make plans for a ‘play date’. Jiroki herself attended all this as well, watching everyone mingle with one another as children played and were stopped from gorging on candy. She had dressed up as well, in her Saurok costume that she had worn for a few events as is. But in the moment, she stood off at the side of the road, having a wardrobe malfunction that she had her mate Aztook try to assist with. The demon hunter wore a large carved pumpkin on his head similar to the Headless Horseman, she wondered if he could even breath with that thing on. But thankfully he didn’t have need of his eyes, his hands trying to fix the buckles on the back. As annoying as the malfunction is, that wasn’t the most annoying thing on the forefront of her mind. The most annoying thing is in front of her, in fact. Four of them. Drake Duskrunner leaned against a fence post with his arms crossed as he chatted with others. Fa’don Blackshade stood next to him, another Kaldorei wearing a druidic garb of an owl mask as a costume, though he’s nearly quite the opposite of a druid. Two Ren’dorei stood by them, both males. Ianasril Azureflame dressed like a pirate, a large hat and an eyepatch, but currently had the eyepatch moved aside while talking with the other two. Sol’athen Dawnvale didn’t even bother to dress up, standing there with a rather grim look on his face, sighing to himself as he looked to have been dragged along by Ian to yet another outing. All four of them just chatted idly with one another, having followed Jiroki the entire time this night thus far, even waiting for her as Aztook tried to help with her costume. “I know why you’re here.” Jiroki butts in the conversation, making a motion at Drake. “But I don’t know why you three are here. Don’t you have anything better to do?” She says as she looks at the three stooges. “No. I mean- hoot.” Fa’don answers. “Arrg, Shield Mother!” Ian once more starts up his fake pirate accent. “We ‘ere fer de booty!” Raising up his bag of candy. “Hurry up, scallywag, or ya’ walkin’ the plank!” “I really wish I wasn’t here.” Sol’athen laments with a grim expression. Drake just shrugs, giving a smirk towards Jiroki. “Then why are you loitering here if you’re collecting candy?! Go somewhere else- OW- watch the claws!” Jiroki turns her head back towards Aztook. “Sorry!” Though Jiroki could hear the grin on Aztook’s lips. “Just so many buckles and the like. I’m- more used to taking them off…” His voice dips lower at that, genuinely having trouble trying to fix her buckles with his leathery and clawed fingers. “Ugh.” Jiroki rolls her eyes and looks back towards the group. “Well you’re embarrassing me with your stupid costumes! Just go already!” “Hey we’re not that stupid!” Fa’don says in rebuttal, thinks on his words, then realizes his flaw. So, in retaliation, he turns to Drake. “Hey Drake, you know Rebbecane, right? From the Wandering Exchange? She used to be in the Greyshields, right?” “Huh? Yea?” Drake turns his head towards the other male, a brow raised as he gives him his attention. “Oh you should have seen it! Jiroki thinks our costumes are bad, but Rebbecane was teasing her for hers!” “Hey don’t tell him about that!” Jiroki immediately starts to blush stubbornly, taking a step forward, but Aztook yanks her back as he still is trying to fix her costume. “Oh yea? What she say?” Ian gives a gnarly grin, very much anticipating the mischievous deed Fa’don is beginning. “Heh, she kept trying to make Jiro curl her arms up like a dinosaur.” Fa’don rears his hands back in demonstration. “And to ends her sentences with a ‘rawr’! I totally heard her play along, too!” “H-Hey!” “That wasn’t even the funniest thing; she even said someone should put a leash on her! Ho ho, that got a reaction out of some of the security!” “Oh really now?” Drake glances back at Jiroki with a wide and devilish smirk, ideas dancing in his head as he gives her a wink, and Ian just laughs at the story Fa’don shares. Sol’athen sighs with a roll of the eyes; at times, Jiroki could relate with Sol’athen on a spiritual level. Jiroki growls, clearly getting angrier, but Aztook holds her back. “Just a minute deary.~” Aztook has a chipper tone in his voice despite the taunts given at his wife. But she could feel his sightless gaze on him, enjoying her reactions, thriving for them, waiting until she’s riled up just enough before setting her loose. “You think you can so brazenly talk about me like that right in front of me?!” Jiroki hisses. “I just don’t think you should call our costumes stupid when you’re the one that should be on a leash!” Fa’don crosses his arms, head tilted back as if triumphant in the discussion. “Maybe I should call Sharpen over here!” Jiroki blushes immediately, Ian continues to erupt in laughter. “She’s going to kill you.” Sol’athen shakes his head at Ian, giving a sigh. “Done.~” Jiroki clenches her hands, itching to move. Just as she hears her mate finished helping she turns back and looks at him, then does a double take at the pumpkin mask he wore. “... Let me borrow that.” As the others continue to laugh and mock their boss Jiroki grabs the pumpkin off of Aztook’s head, shoving her own Saurok mask into his hands, and Aztook has one of the widest grins he’s had in a long time as he carefully watches his wife. “Prepare yourselves, the bells have tolled…” Jiroki starts, causing the others to look at her. “Shelter your weak, your young, and your old.” Bringing up the helm, she dons the mask of the Headless Horseman. “Each of you shall PAY the final sum!!” Whirling around she faced the four, her face covered entirely by the mask. “CRY for mercy! THE RECKONING HAS COME!” Drake, being the former mate of Jiroki, knew very well just how his ex could get. Giving Aztook a look, he throws up a peace sign, takes a few steps away, and then melds entirely into the shadows. The other three are left startled, giving their Shield Mother a few strange glances and looking amongst one another, and Ian is the one who manages to let out a loose laugh. “Haha, that’s a great impersonation Jir-” A thrum of magic in the air, and Jiroki’s glaive is summoned from mid air, the weapon soul bound to her. “We’re fucking dead, RUN!” Ian quickly pats Fa’don’s chest and starts to move back, the taller elf doing the same and the pair quickly bolt it down the path. As Jiroki begins to run, Sol’athen just stands there, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping upon hope not to get in the crossfire of Jiroki’s wrath; maybe she wouldn’t see him if he stood still. He’s left to wonder that fact as Jiroki just barrels past him, running after Ian and Fa’don. “How mad do you think she is?!” Fa’don asks mid run. “I don’t know-” Ian begins to respond, only to hear a swishing sound in the wind, and suddenly her glaive shoots past them and slams into the ground a bit ahead, causing Ian to jump out of the way. The Void elf lets out a high pitched shrill of a scream, and in his haste is consumed in his shadows and vanishes from sight. “That little shit- TRAITOR!!” Fa’don calls out as he’s left alone to run away from Jiroki, the she-elf still hot on his tail as they run into the forests of Elwynn. There’s a taunting laugh that echoes, Ian doing so from whatever depths of void he disappeared to, then silence follows as now it’s just the Kaldorei. “Kiki I’m sorry!!” Fa’don begins his rushed apologies, still running like the wind as Jiroki runs after him. “Can I take you out?! We can go to Dalaran! Boralus?!” He’s suddenly nailed in the back of the head by the pumpkin mask, nearly making him stumble and offsetting his own mask a bit, having to yank it off and shake his black hair out while running, almost ripping out his snake bite piercings in the process. “KIKI STOP!!” “GET BACK HERE!” (( @daily-writing-challenge​ ))

[megaera-of-pigeon]

Prehistory Lord

[Event One-Shot; 1956 words, terribly ridiculous, please enjoy :D]

In a far corner of the Wonder Museum Gift Shop, on a shelf tucked back behind dozens of Brontosaurus and Stegosaurus plushies, sat a lonely green stuffed Tyrannosaurus Rex. The only one of its kind, it had been there so long that the employees had forgotten about it; everyone wanted the red T. Rex toys, anyway.  

What no one knew, however, was that this particular plush toy was actually the transformed form of a once great spirit named the Lord of Prehistory. Before humanity ruled the earth, this being had been the King of the Spirit Realm and Commander of the Legions of the Dead. At that time, of course, the dead had all been dinosaurs. When his subjects lost their hold on the earth, he lost his claim to the throne and was sent into exile on the Netherplain. That hadn’t been what cursed him into existence as a stuffed animal, however; this situation was entirely the fault of the one he now deemed his worst enemy of all time, behind even the asteroid that caused his initial fall from power—the spirit girl known as Underworld Lord.

He’d been collecting dust for years now, and with every passing day he became more and more determined that when he finally broke free of his prison, Underworld Lord would meet her doom. All he’d wanted to do was lead his Army of Fossils against the King of the Underworld and take back supremacy for dinosaurs, and she’d decided to catch him off guard and turn him into an unwanted child’s toy just to save her King! Him, the former master of all things dead and decaying, made into a parody of his former greatness! He would not suffer the indignity of it; his revenge would be terrible and unforgiving, as his dinosaurs once had been.

All he needed was to somehow get off this shelf and find his army again—a task made difficult by the fact that this form he was in could not move on its own. Plus, he had no idea where the Fossil Legion had been sent after their failed Spirit Realm coup. If they’d been banished as he had, then he might have to search far and wide for many years… once he became mobile.

One day, after countless years trapped in the shadows behind fluffy mockeries of his great subjects, the great sea of brontosauruses and stegosauruses was parted and he saw the harsh light of the gift shop for the first time in ages. If he had eyelids, he would have blinked from the sudden brightness.

The first thing he heard was a high-pitched squeal. “Omigosh, he’s soooo cute!”

A pair of small hands seized him around the middle, and he was unceremoniously yanked out of his resting place and held out before a young human girl. And what a sight she was—her face was bright, soft and innocent, looking no more dangerous than an herbivore; however, rather than typical human attire, she had donned what appeared to be the beheaded carcass of a Stegosaurus, draped over her head like a trophy! This confused Prehistory Lord; where had she encountered a dinosaur, and had she slain it herself? If she had, he commended her. It would take much strength and cunning to conquer one of his subjects.  

Whatever the case, this was the first being to show interest in his captive self for a very long time indeed, and he was determined to take advantage of her somehow! ...If only he could move. Or growl. Or do anything except remain the motionless victim to the whims of another.

This small warrior gazed at him and pulled back her lips to reveal a set of flat, white teeth, an almost maniac glint in her eyes. After a moment, she squealed again “Mommy, Mommy, I want this one!”

“Are you sure, Darling?” The voice of another human drifted over from another part of the gift shop, although Prehistory Lord could not turn to look at them. “He’s a bit dusty. If you want a T. Rex, there are some red ones over there.”

Curse this mortal, ‘Mommy’! Who were they to try and sabotage Prehistory Lord’s first glimmer of hope in ages? Oh, if only he had teeth to nash and claws to rend with!

The girl seemed to be of a similar mind, as her face twisted up in outrage. “No! This one matches my dino suit! I love him already and I have to have him!” Without warning, he was suddenly drawn into her chest and squeezed so tightly he felt his plush innards be displaced, and was rocked back and forth like one might do to a small creature they were trying to disorient before a kill.

A burning fury took a hold of the Prehistory Lord at this base, common treatment! If he’d been capable of it, he would have sprung out of her arms and gone on a rampage, the likes of which the world had not seen since his dinosaurs had walked the earth! In his prime, he could have bitten off this youngling’s head in an instant, and then destroyed the whole gift shop—nay, the whole museum for good measure! But alas, all he could do in this prison of plush was simmer with rage and accept the girl child’s aggression.

After a few moments, the other human spoke again. “Alright, hun, we’ll just have to wash him off when we get home. Bring him up to the counter so I can pay… And stop hugging him like that, you can cuddle once he’s clean.”  

The child’s demeanor immediately brightened. “Yay!”

Once again, Prehistory Lord was swung around, this time to end up tucked under the young girl’s arm as she started to follow the other human. From his new vantage point, he was able to look into the glassy black eyes of rows and rows of other stuffed dinosaurs as they passed by. He wondered if any of them were like him, great spirits forced into powerlessness and immobility, or if they were simply crude imitations made by the hands of irreverent mortals. Perhaps once he broke free, he would return here and investigate…

His musings were cut short as the girl abruptly halted and lifted him up to place him face down on a solid yet clear surface. Beneath him, he could see items that seemed to be mimicking the footprints and teeth of his dinosaurs, but they had long thin vines in the shape a loop attached to them. How strange; were they meant to be adornments?

Another human spoke to the girl and her companion. “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

“Yes we did, thanks.”

“Are you a member of our Wonder Museum Patron Program?”

“Yes, we are—here’s the card. We’ve been here so often in the past few months it didn’t make sense not to join; someone is going through a bit of a dinosaur phase.”

The new human chuckled. “I can see that; those are some cute pajamas!”

The girl responded by snapping her jaws together. “I’m a dinosaur! Rawr!”  

Both older humans laughed, and then Prehistory Lord felt a new, larger hand grasp him by his stuffed tail and start to turn him around. He had a rotating view of the gift shop that went by too fast for him to see anything with clarity before he was dropped back on his face again.

“That’s odd, I’m not seeing a price tag on this one; he looks kind of old, too. He must be leftover from an older shipment.”

Well of course he wouldn’t have something as common and demeaning as a price tag, Prehistory Lord thought smugly. He wasn’t some cheap toy like the rest of these dumb fake animals, he was a god, a King, a great spirit from another realm who had once ruled the earth, and would do so again—

“I’ll tell you what, since he’s not in the best condition, I’ll give you a 30% discount on the regular T. Rex plush price.”

The Lord of Prehistory was going to be sold at a markdown? Oooh, Underworld Lord was going to pay for this! And she would not be getting a 30% discount!

“That’s more than reasonable, thank you!” was the calm reply of the human, completely unaware of the captive Lord’s indignity.  

There were some high pitched beeps and some rustling sounds around him, and then once more Prehistory Lord found himself swept up in the embrace of the small child. As the other humans concluded their transaction, the girl cradled him in her arms and stared down into his eyes, her lips pulled back to bear her fangless teeth once more.

“I’m going to take you home and you can meet all my other dinosaurs, and you can come to school with me and we’ll scare all the mean kids away, and then at night you can sleep in my bed right next to me! Don’t worry, I’ll keep all the monsters away from you, so we won’t be scared at all—!”

“Come along, Darling, your mother’s waiting in the car.”

The girl ceased her babbling and spun around to follow after the other human, crushing Prehistory Lord into her chest once more. This time, however, one of his eyes was positioned so that he could see the gifts shop pass by then, and then—in a moment of absolute triumph!—the barrier between his prison and the rest of the Museum! He was out!

Finally, after countless years of waiting, the time had come for him to take these first (metaphoric) steps into freedom and towards revenge! This morning, he’d been a cursed stuffed dinosaur trapped in a museum gift shop; now, he was a cursed stuffed dinosaur in the arms of a human youngling who would no doubt be of little threat once he discovered a way to regain mobility. Perhaps she might even be of use in breaking free from his form; he’d never had a human close enough to test it, but in there he should be able to figure out a way to communicate with one of these lesser beings. But that was besides the point; what really mattered was that he, Prehistory Lord, Terror of the Earth and Tyrant Lizard King, was on the move once more.

Suddenly, the girl gasped loudly and stopped in her tracks, grasping Prehistory Lord around the torso and holding him up to stare directly into his eyes once more. “Oh no! I’m so sorry, I almost forgot to give you a name!”

A name? He supposed he could do with one of those; something so awesome and terrible that people were afraid to even speak would be most appropriate, although he’d settle for something that simply struck fear into the hearts of his enemies when pronounced.

“I know! I’ll call you Mr. Cuddly-saur! Cuddles for short!” After her declaration, the girl pulled him tightly into her chest again and squeezed him hard enough to distort his soft innards again.

As she resumed her walk, Prehistory Lord wondered whether ‘Cuddles’ was intimidating or not. He’d heard that word once before, hadn’t he? Earlier, from the mouth of the girl’s human companion. He’d taken it to describe the action whereby the girl forcibly crushed his body against hers; if that was the case, then he concluded that it was a menacing concept, and a more than suitable name.

Yes, he would embrace it; soon all the world, living and dead, and Underworld Lord in particular, would come to fear the wrath of Cuddles! Just as soon as he broke free of his plush form… and this strange girl’s tight grip.

[sineala]

2017 Fic Roundup

Because I posted this on Dreamwidth and why not post it here too?

Fiction posted in 2017: (As usual, counting last year's exchange and stocking stories in January because I can't count this year's stories until the reveal.) January 1. Turn Around and Look Back. For Yuletide 2016. Marvel 616, Carol/Jess, 6200 words. 2. The Collection. For the Cap-IM Holiday Exchange. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 4723 words. 3. The Nucleus Burning Inside of the Cell. For Fandom Stocking. Marvel 3490, Steve/Natasha, 6225 words. 4. Get Some Fresh Air (At Quad). For Fandom Stocking. Avengers Academy, Steve/Tony, 1206 words. 5. Sundown. For Fandom Stocking. Ancient History RPF, Hannibal/Scipio, 711 words. 6. Unmasked. For Cap-IM Bingo. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 6084 words. 7. The Longing and Yearning. For Cap-IM Bingo. Bullet Points, Steve/Tony, 12,945 words. February 8. If You Want to Live (The Historical Present Remix). For Cap-IM Remix. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 9249 words. 9. Same As It Ever Was (The Thought Bubbles Remix). For Cap-IM Remix Relay. Marvel 616/Marvel Ultimates, Steve/Tony, 6316 words. 10. See You at the Bitter End (The Rest of the Rainbow Remix). For Cap-IM Remix Madness. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 8422 words. 11. Prototyping (The Make the Sparks Ignite Remix). For Cap-IM Remix Madness. MCU, Steve/Tony, Tony/Iron Man armor, 1176 words. March 12. Down to Zero. For Cap-IM Bingo. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 18,336 words. 13. I Think You'll Understand. For Cap-IM Anniversary. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 2313 words. 14. A More Perfect Union. For Cap-IM Anniversary. Marvel Ultimates, Steve/Tony, 705 words. 15. Provisioning. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 422 words. April 16. Bright As You Can. For Cap-IM Bingo. Marvel Ultimates/Marvel Noir, Steve/Tony/Tony, 6626 words. May 17. The People Who Would Keep Us on Our Knees. For Cap-IM Bingo. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 2451 words. June 18. This Mortal Part of Mine. For the Cap-IM Reverse Bang. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 60,255 words. 19. The Right Thing. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 1987 words. 20. Tony Stark and the Mysterious Marksman. For the Captain America Reverse Bang. Marvel Noir, Tony/Bucky, 18,510 words. July 21. One and Every Way. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 21,847 words. 22. Icebreaker. For Cap-IM Bingo. Marvel Noir/Bullet Points, Steve/Tony, 5404 words. 23. Convention Exclusive. For Cap-IM Bingo. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 5545 words. August 24. Wish Fulfillment. For Cap-IM Bingo. Marvel 616/Marvel Ultimates, Steve/Tony, 1427 words. September 25. Retrograde. For Cap-IM Bingo. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 9085 words. 26. In All This Wide World. For the Superhusbands Aluminum Anniversary Anthology. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 10,252 words. October 27. Veridicality. For Cap-IM Ults Day. Marvel Ultimates, Steve/Tony, 2480 words. November 28. The Opposite of a Problem. Marvel 616, Steve/Tony, 2490 words. December 29. Never Too Late for Love. For the Cap-IM Big Bang. Marvel Ultimates, Steve/Tony, 98,059 words. This year I wrote and posted: 29 stories in... two fandoms. Assuming "Marvel" counts as a fandom. Seven different Marvel continuities, though. Total wordcount: AO3 says 326,787. Which is probably off a little but not by much. Overall Thoughts: ...yay fic? Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? Well, I broke two million words, so I'm gonna go with... more? I didn't write anything in October, though. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Probably Winteriron. I had never even thought about writing Winteriron but then I saw Wren's art for the Cap RBB and it was BEAUTIFUL MARVEL NOIR ART and nobody had picked it because mostly that RBB is about MCU Stucky, so I... went for it. It was fun. This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most: I wrote what for me is a surprising amount of Ults. I guess... yay Ults? What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? "In All This Wide World." Dinosaur-punching h/c and the art is AMAZING and it was a lot of fun to write. Collaborating with Phoenix is ALWAYS A GOOD TIME. Rawr, dinosaur. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Apparently some people have very strong feelings about Ults Steve. My best story of this year: Honestly I'm pretty fond of "The Longing and Yearning." Sure, it's mostly porn, but I had a lot of fun writing Steve and Tony in a different dynamic and I think it's really solid. My most popular story of this year: "Down to Zero," the one where Tony gets amnesia that makes him forget he loves Steve. Tropey tropey trope trope. Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: "See You at the Bitter End (The Rest of the Rainbow Remix)." I understand that the violence and death tags are probably scaring people off, but... it's not permanent? It has a happy ending! My least favorite story this year: "Unmasked." Eh. It just didn't come out right. Most fun story to write: Probably "Convention Exclusive," the one where Steve is at a con because he used to be the artist for the Cap comics in-universe and Tony is basically cosplaying Iron Man. Give me all the identity porn. All of it. Story with the sweetest moment: The fake wedding in "The Opposite of a Problem." I wrote the absolute sappiest thing I could imagine. Story with the single sexiest moment: Eh, I'm pretty proud of that Steve/Tony/Tony threesome. Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: Is it the tentacle rape? It's the tentacle rape, isn't it? Most overdue: Probably the BB, which I had been thinking about writing for, like, a year. Most eye roll-worthy title: I called a story where President Cap got engaged "A More Perfect Union." SORRY NOT SORRY. Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: The Ults BB. I feel like I understood the characters a lot more by the time I was done. Hardest story to write: Definitely that Ults BB. I kept having to take breaks because Ults Steve was an asshole and being in his head all the time was exhausting. Biggest Disappointment: The fact that I CAN'T GET ANYONE ELSE TO WRITE BULLET POINTS FIC. I mean, okay, one person. But come on, fandom! BULLET POINTS. You know you want to. Biggest Surprise: Apparently a lot of people want Ults Steve to get truth serumed! Who knew! Most Unintentionally Telling Story: I never have any idea what this question is supposed to mean. Favorite opening line: I don't know. I never like my opening lines. Favorite closing line: The only thing that is coming to mind is the ending of the last HE fic I wrote which is still anon and therefore I cannot share it. In conclusion: Uh. I like words. Fic-writing goals for 2018: 1. Write the damn Star Trek AU. 2. Post that FTH story. 3. Finish bingo. 4. Try to post a story a month. 5. Try some origfic. Come on, self.

[bezazzled]

vine 2.0 auditions

taken from this lovely video by tom harlock on youtube some may be a bit inappropriate feel free to adjust as necessary i suppose!

“You’re fucking fake as shit dude, I know for a fact you’ve never listened to punk rock in your life.” “I’M SICK OF ALL THESE GOD DAMN MILLENNIALS THAT DON’T LISTEN TO SEX PISTOLS!” “Hey, you know what that is? Have you ever seen that before? That’s a telephone.” “Have you ever done anal?” “Look, I’m pretty sure if your friend’s dead ‘cause he jumped off a cliff, you wouldn’t do it.” “Oi, we all float down here babe.” “Just a quick heads up to anyone who’s expecting a gift this year, look no further. ‘Cause I’m the fucking gift, bitch.” “My neck, my back, my happiness has yet to come back.” “All I wanted was a fucking Domino’s.” “Oh my god... BITCH WHAT THE FUCK?” “Ma’am, could you not? Thanks.” “Pussy ass bitch, wanna lick my leg? Do it.” “Little penis mother fucker just pissed on my leg, and I’m not okay.” “GIRL ARE YOU OKAY?” “Okay, okay. Are you high?” “Mhm. It’s a good one, ey?” “It’s called fashion, honey, look it up.” “Ma’am I have bad news. You have cancer.” “But I’m a Sagittarius.” “If I wanna use this tampon once, then I will, because it’s a tampon, not a fuckin’ t-shirt.” “STOP! THROWING! THE BIBLES!” “HI WELCOME TO CHILI’S!” “That’s pussy, babe.” “Never enough weekend? More like never enough...weed.” “I never saw what stuck inside MY PUSSY, HO.” “Hello there li’l doggo.” “Hello, and welcome to Rebecca Deck’s Beauty Salon. There’s a clean up in isle over tech deck.” “NOT THE GUMDROP BUTTONS! AHAHA!” “Rock on!” “Maybe you should try being more positive! DRINK SOME WATER!” “Hey, the new shade of my lip kit just came out, it’s called ‘Blood of My Enemies’ I really think you’re gonna love this one.” “I didn’t feel a fucking thing!” “LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE IN TROUBLE!” “If there’s anyone in here, I have a gun, and I’m not afraid to shoot myself.” “Once I get my brows done and lose some weight and start wearing makeup and collect all five pieces of Exodia it’s over for you hoes.” “BITCH JUST FUCKIN’ SAY SORRY.” “Wow, this is a great party, we better raise the roof!” “IT’S HARDER THAN IT LOOKS OKAY!” “Say we’re friends for life. Oh, you whore.” “‘Are you extra wet?’ No, I’m extra dry.” “I’M A VEGAN! ...That’s a good one.” “Would YOU answer a call from YOUR God? (puts phone to ear) Mr. Worldwide?” “I’m testing myself against mother nature.” “Listen, we need vine ideas. Shove this up your ass. Actually, no, shove THIS up your ass.” “Bottomless tacos? Everything would just fall out, that’s stupid.” “Dear diary, Judas kissed me tonight, and I wonder what it meant. Hm. I can’t wait to see what happens next.” “Now, not only are these glasses chic, but they also give me a Thug Life™ moment, if you know what I’m saying.” “This bitch old. Yeet.” “Don’t you just love it when you vomit at your church and your dad makes you walk home all alone?” “I’m summoning the Christmas Spirit, what does it look like I’m doing?” “Why would you do this? I thought somebody had done something and then I see... SATAN!” “Never have I ever invaded Poland!” “I fuck white bitches.” “I didn’t do ANYTHIIIING.” “Rawr means I love you in dinosaur.” “What is up my little alcoholic! Now stick around ‘cause today we’re gonna review WATER.” “I’ve been thinking about getting bangs.” “I cannot remember the last time I got laid!” “IT’S... It’s...” (starts coughing really hard)

[acidmatze]

In which Dabi increasingly thinks that he is stuck in a third rate emo music video

I have no idea why I wrote this. But it wanted to be written. This is Part 1 of the obligatory College AU and everyone is a dork. 

It’s not proof read or anything.. Im tired...

It was a kinda gloomy afternoon in late October when it all started. It was raining and the dorm was crowded with students that normally were walking around town but with weather that bad no one really wanted to go out.

Dabi was sitting on the windowsill in the common room and stared outside.

Spinner was in some kind of fight with two other students about some hockey game.

Twice tried to watch some motorcycle race on TV.

He then suddenly jumped and walked over to Dabi with just a few really big steps.

“Dabi, I have an idea!”

Dabi lazily turned around to his friend.

“Shoot.”

“So far we have befriended three people. But I think we need a lot more friends. There are a lot of people here on campus that don't seem to have many friends and no one should walk alone around here. You know, we all need someone to talk to and stuff. You know??”

Dabi blinked a few times.

For some reason since summer, Twice seemed to be obsessed with walking around and trying to talk to people he never talked to before. Dabi was just dragged along. At first Twice started hanging out with Spinner. Then he almost stalked some weird guy called Chisaki. And then his friends. Dabi always felt the weird need to apologise for Twice's behaviour but somehow in the end it all worked out and their circle of friends grew.

Twice blabbered on

“There's this girl I have a few classes with and she's like.. two years younger than us or so I have no idea how she is in college already but she is. I have never seen her with people around and I think we should change that.”

“Uh.... okay? How do you wanna do that?”

“I'm just gonna talk to her on Monday. What do you think?”

“Dunno? Go ahead I guess...?”

Dabi had a vague idea which girl Twice meant.

She was blonde and short and could be cute but there was an eerie air surrounding her. But since Twice's group of friends was a ragtag bunch of misfits she would be fit in just fine. Twice himself was a giant goofball sometimes. In one moment it seemed like he was just a kid trapped in the body of a tall guy in his early 20s. In another moment he would shout the most obscene things anyone has ever heard. Be it in the hallway, in the middle of a lecture, while eating lunch and sometimes in the middle of the night. Dabi knew because even though his room was further down the hallway he could still hear his friend's yelling. It woke him up semi-regularly.

And on some days Twice would just break down sobbing and fled to the bathroom and wouldn't come back for a few hours.

He had no idea about what happened afterwards.

Dabi himself also was far from being the average college student. First of all the appearance.

Then his type of humour.   He often insulted people without meaning to because for him it was just friendly banter. And his careless attitude pissed people off. For reasons Dabi cannot explain. What's so bad about not blowing up at every single thing?

“I haven't felt an emotion since 1997” he often said.

“Look how many fucks I give. They are falling from the sky” he also often said.

Chisaki, the first guy they “recruited” was terribly afraid of bacteria and getting ill. They never saw him without wearing gloves and a face mask.

No hand shaking or friendly hugs allowed, thank you.

Please just wave in my general direction.

He was often seen furiously wiping seats, benches, tables, kitchen counters and other places you can sit on.

Sometimes Dabi wondered if it was a good idea for him to study medicine.

On the other hand, if he would become a surgeon no one would need to worry about keeping the operating room sterile.

“We only have guy friends. We also need some girl friends. Not girlfriends... well, maybe those too but I mean like.. girls. Who are our friends.”

“I get what you mean, Twice and I agree. This group is a sausage fest.”

Two days later when Dabi walked to his next lecture he saw Twice down at the campus plaza wildly gesticulating and talking to that girl he wanted to talk to.

She didn't seem to mind.

As far as Dabi could see, whatever Twice was talking about must be funny since she was laughing.

Good. Another weirdo joined the group. Let's see what this eerie feeling is about.

Dabi almost bumped into another student he didn't even had noticed.

“Whoa there. Didn't see you there buddy. Sorry.”

The other student shot a quick glance at Dabi and walked a bit faster. Well, okay...? Maybe he's late for class. Though in his oversized black clothes he almost looked like a high school student.

Weird kid.

This time the common room was almost empty, even though it was raining again.

Why is it always raining the last few weeks?

Dabi stared out of the window again.

“Is this interesting?” Chisaki asked.

“I'm pretending to be an emo girl in a music video. I'm currently missing my boyfriend who broke up with me to fuck my best friend.”  

“Okay?”

“It is complicated, you know? He just bought me an expensive ring and told me we will be together forever but then at a party my bff flirted with him and he didn't do anything and now I'm so angry I think I will set his apartment in flames.”

“Dabi? Are you... okay?”

Dabi turned around to Chisaki and pretended to be crying.

“No! I am depressed! I was so in love with him, Rawr!”

Chisaki stared at Dabi for ten seconds.

“Please. Don't say this ever again.”

“Rawr means I Love You in Dinosaur!”

Before Chisaki could smack the lanky bean in the face Twice stormed into the room.

“Guys! Guys, we have a new friend! Say hello to Toga!”

The short girl from earlier today stood in the doorway grinning way too wide for her face.

“Hiiiii~ I'm Toga! I'm so happy to meet you all! Very happy indeed.”

What is up with those teeth? Dabi had never seen canines that sharp. He had heard that some people let their teeth sharpen. But until now he thought someone was playing a very elaborate prank on him. But seems those people seriously exist.

A wave of eeriness hit him.

There's something about this girl that's definitely not normal. But who in this weird clique is normal anyway?

“So what do you guys do all day? You all look totally different, do you even have common hobbies? Like Twicey here looks like a MMA fighter and you look like a law student and you look like you beat up kids and then go home and write sad poems about it.”

Dabi's eye twitched slightly.

“Also you look stoned!”

It twitched even more.

“Law student.....” Chisaki muttered, “I have never been more insulted in my life.”

“We're just hanging out. And sometimes we go play pool and stuff” Twice said.

“Oh that's cool. I collect knives. Do you want to see some?”

Toga was beaming.

Okay, so that's what's wrong with her. That explains so much to be honest.

“I don't think anyone would be interested in....”

Dabi cut Chisaki off.

“Sure we want.”

And a few minutes later they were standing around in Toga's room. Which looked like a normal girl's room. Except for the wall of knives where other girls maybe had posters hanging.

But otherwise, very normal, very pink.

Toga pointed at one of the knives.

“This is the first one I got. I found it one day on a playground. I took it home and cleaned it and sharpened it.” She pointed at another that had sharp wedges.

“This is really great when you want someone to bleed out. When you stab someone with it and they try to rip it out the teeth just get stuck and do more damage. I bought it at a hunting store a few years ago.”

Whoa. Chisaki had gone completely pale. Twice seemed nervous too. Did they have to worry that this girl would break into their rooms at night to do Horrible Things to them?

“I see your worried faces and I want to reassure you that I only collect them.”

At least she's sane.

“I also collect other things! Like articles from the newspapers.” Toga shuffled over to a drawer that was completely plastered with hearts and peace signs and whatnot.

She pulled out a folder and went through the pages a bit.

“Here. This one, for example is about a case of unexplained murders in the 80s. I have collected every little bit of information I could find about it. Which is very hard by the way. Do you know how weird it feels to google all that stuff? And this one is about that guy who abducted and killed five women like a year ago.”

Nope, completely insane.

But in a weirdly nerdy way.

“And now I am collecting stuff about a string of weird cases of mutilated animals found on roadsides around Yokohama. No one really investigates that! Can you believe it? Just because it's not people. I think that's not fair. Animals have lives too.”

She closed the folder and huffed.

Dabi crossed his arms.

“So you're like... playing detective? Finding out more about it?”

Toga's face lit up.

“Wow, I never thought about that. I could totally find out the truth. I know everything!”

Chisaki leaned over to Dabi and whispered: “Hey, can we go now? I still have to write an essay and also this is creeping me out.”

“Dunno man. I think that's definitely a weird hobby but she seems harmless.”, Dabi whispered back.

“Yeah maybe, but I'm out, cheers.”

Chisaki marched out of the room without even saying goodbye.

Twice and Dabi remained.

“Oh nooooo I scared him away.”

“He's just horrible when it comes to blood” Twice tried to explain.

“Oh yeah you should have seen his face, when I was hit by a baseball once and it almost knocked out a tooth. I thought he would faint any second.”

Toga grinned.

“He really acts like a law student.”

“He studies medicine.” Twice said.

Toga just stared at the guy.

“You're joking, right?”

Twice shook his head.

And then Toga had a hysterical laughing fit that lasted so long that Dabi briefly considered to call an ambulance.

It was already dark when Twice and Dabi went back to their rooms. The fact that it was already dark didn't mean that it was late though. The sun was already setting at 6pm.    

“She's weird as fuck but I'd be lying if I would say what she said wasn't interesting. I don't know why I would need to know about serial killers but somehow I do now.”

Dabi was rambling.

“So you like her? You think she fits in with us?”

“Yeah kinda. Maybe. But I don't mind her hanging out with us.”

Twice pumped his fist in the air.

“Yeah! A new friend! Oh can you wait here for a minute? I wanna head over to the kiosk and get some snacks.”

“Sure. Knock yourself out.”

Dabi leaned back at the wall and Twice hurried out of the main door.

Empty corridors. Silence.

Pretending to be a a girl in some music video again, Dabi imagined walking down the hallways crying about some lost love and unfair parents. For some reason the sprinklers were on. The eyeliner is running dramatically over the wet cheeks. Emo girl is looking at her wrist where she wrote the name of her ex with a sharpie. It's also running from the water from the sprinklers. Some guitar solo is playing in the background. Emo girl gets angry and punches the wall.

She swears revenge. Maybe burning something down would help. Maybe destroying things....

“Hey, what are you doing there?”

Dabi looked up. Oh, he really had wandered through the hallway. But without the sprinklers and the sharpie and the cheating boyfriend.

In front of him stood the guy from before. Black oversized hoodie, black jeans, black Converse. God, is that a Senses Fail patch?

How emo, Dabi thought, ignoring the fact that he also has a Senses Fail patch on his backpack.

No one needs to know.

The guy still stares at him.

Oh Jesus, please someone get him lip balm. And some moisturiser. Because this dude looks dead.

“I was just dramatically walking around, thinking about my cheating boyfriend.”

“What?”

“Ah nothing. It was a joke. Sorry again for bumping into you earlier.”

“Ah. Its fine.” The guy shoved his hands back in his pockets and walked back in the direction he came from.

That's not where the dorms are. Weird.

“Hey Dabi, I'm back”

Dabi was lightly punched in the shoulder.

“Nice. Dude, have you seen that weird dude in the wannabe emo clothes just now?”

Twice seemed confused.

“Emo dude..? No. I haven't seen anyone.”

Dabi scratched his head.

He also never had seen that guy before. Is he a ghost or something?

Over the next few days Dabi ran into that guy over and over again. But every time he asked someone about him, no one had an idea who he was talking about. He ran into him in the bathroom during lunch break. He ran into him in the library. He ran into him while running cross campus to catch a bus. Had this dude always been there and Dabi just didn't notice?

“You always look like you're searching for something. Are you okay?” Toga asked. They were walking down a popular shopping street in town. Toga wanted to meet with a friend of hers and asked everyone if they want to come with her but only Dabi agreed.

“I think I might have seen a ghost. Also, I'm not okay.”

Toga's eyes went wide. “A ghost?? A really spooky one? The one that haunts your dreams by night? Where have you seen it?”

“Everywhere, basically. And he even shows up during the day. I need proof that this guy really exists.”

“Wooooooooow..... A real mystery. Maybe my friend can help you. She's great with mysteries.”

They arrived at a small café.

Toga was running towards some guy in brown cargo pants who was waving at her. But didn't Toga say “she”? Oh. Okay.

Then Toga ran back to Dabi grabbed his arm and pulled him with her.

“This is my best friend, Magne. She's basically like my sister. If you need help with mysteries, then talk to her.”

Dabi awkwardly shook her hand. Wow that's a strong handshake. “I took the liberty of already ordering some cake for me. I just couldn't wait. So, what is this mystery you are talking about?” They sat down at one of the small tables. It was weirdly warm for October this week so somehow everyone was still outside.

“Basically I am chasing a guy only I can see, it seems. I never have seen him before but suddenly he is everywhere. But when I ask someone about him no one knows what I'm talking about.” Dabi explained.

“Wow that really is something. By the way, Toga you should order the Strawberry Shortcake it's the best I have ever eaten. Okay, so if you need proof that this mysterious guy really exists you maybe should take a picture of him?”

“Isn't that creepy as fuck?”

“Well, for me it would be way creepier if I would see a guy no one else can see. If you can take a picture of him you know he's real at least.”

That girl has a point there.

Sadly, after this the guy vanished. Over the course of the next weeks Dabi grew more and more frustrated.

He felt like he was stuck in some third rate emo music video.

Maybe he should let his hair grow out a bit and get blue streaks. “Dabi, you look like you're constipated. Do you need help?” Chisaki offered one day.

“I'm not okay” Dabi mumbled.

“Yeah I can see that. Seriously, if you have problems with your digestive system, I know some drops that really...”

“I can shit just fine, Chisaki.” “Oh. Then.. care to explain what's wrong?”

Dabi sprawled himself out on his bed.

Chisaki was standing in the middle of the room. He forgot his wipes and spray and wasn't brave enough to take a seat on Dabi's really old office chair.

Dabi groaned.

“This guy...... This weird guy I told you about... The one I am always running into. I'm not running into him anymore.”

Chisaki furrowed his brows.

“And that's a problem why...?”

Dabi sat up and threw his arms in the air.

“It makes me feel like a fucking madman! I know this guy exists. I have even talked to him like once. Almost. He needs some damn lip balm and looks like dead itself. And now that I was ready to take a pic of him and prove his existence once and for all he vanishes!”

“You want to take a pic of him?”

Dabi groaned again.

“I know that sounds like a stalker. But I just wanna prove that he exists. It seems like no one but me has ever seen him.”

“Dude... you do you. But who knows. Maybe he was an intern or stuff. I wouldn't waste a single thought about the whole thing.”

So Dabi tried to not waste a single thought about the whole thing.

He tried so hard and got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. Because two days later he caught himself looking for that guy again.

It was already close to Christmas. And the dude remained gone.

Dabi was in the library looking for some books to read. Maybe that would distract him. He just wanted to check out when he saw him. Emo dude. With the oversized hoodie. Coming in through the front door. Dabi almost dropped his books. He imagined he was a girl in an emo music video who sees her crush. He walks past her and their eyes meet. Maybe he was smiling, maybe he was not. Everything is in slow motion. The people around them vanish. It's only those two. When he passed her everything is back to normal. Guitar solo.

Dabi wanted to slam his fucking books on the floor.

Then he walks into emo dude while crossing a bridge. Okay, emo music video. It's raining. Girl was just dumped by some stupid jackass. She is desperate and doesn't know what to do. Maybe she should jump but the bridge isn't really high. She's nervous. After contemplating for a while she sees Him. Some emo dude walking towards her, asking her if everything is alright. It's still raining but also now the sun is shining. Everything is well now even though there is still sadness in her heart. Forever. Guitar solo.

Dabi seriously contemplates to jump into the river below.

The third time he runs into him is at a bus stop. Some old lady is also there but that's it.

“Hold still!” Dabi says harshly and the guy looks at him, startled.

Dabi takes out his cellphone and takes a pic of the dude.

“What...... why...?”

“I explain later. Don't worry, I will delete the pic soon. I just have to prove something to someone.”

Emo dude is chewing on his lower lip. His leg seems shaky. Dabi sighs.

“Look. I know that was creepy as fuck but you won't believe the hell I went through to get this pic. As soon as I prove that you exists I will delete it.” “That I exist..?”

“Yeah.”

Fuck that sounds stupid. Oh god so stupid and creepy and.... hell, Dabi has to explain this seriously now.

He groans.

“Okay, there is no way to explain this without sounding weird. Remember back in October when I almost ran you over?” Emo dude nods. Dabi can see strands of blueish grey hair. Is that dye?

“Good. I thought to that day I had seen everyone on campus. But I never had seen you. So I asked my friend about you and he said he doesn't know about you. And he literally is friends with everyone. And then I kept running into you. But every time I wanted my friend to look at you you vanished. Like a fucking ghost or something. It was... kinda pissing me off somehow. And we kept running into each other but I was either alone or you did that magical vanishing thing.”

Emo kid stared at Dabi in silence.

“I kinda got all riled up about this. And then I didn't see you again and I seriously thought I was going crazy or had seen a ghost or something. A friend had told me to take a picture to prove it. But then I couldn't because I didn't see you. But now I did. And now I can prove it. And now I can have peace of mind.”

The dude still stared at Dabi.

Ah fuck.

Oh, wait.

Dabi pulled out the phone again.

“I could also delete the pic right now. And take you to my friends instead. You know... In the flesh?”

“You want me to meet your friends..?”

Dabi nodded.

“You're always alone. Maybe you could need some friends.”

“Friends....” Emo dude looked at the ground. Spit stains everywhere, ewwww.

“Okay... Take me to your friends.”

“Ah I can't today. Maybe we could meet at that church at 4pm tomorrow?”

Emo dude shrugged.

“Okay....”

Dabi wanted to shake his hand, but emo dude didn't react. He awkwardly pulled his hand back and coughed.

“Okay then.... Until tomorrow. And I'm Dabi, by the way.”

“Tomura... I'm Tomura...”

Then Dabi's bus arrived. Time to visit his mom in the hospital.

He sat down at the window.

Okay. Emo music video. Girl just had a date but it didn't go as planned. Maybe she should have listened to her bff, she had a bad feeling about this all the time. It's raining. It's also raining in emo girl's heart. She had sadness for breakfast. She should have stayed home and spend the time with her bff instead. Now that she thinks about it, bff was always there for her. Every time emo girl needed a shoulder to cry on bff was there. The rain represents the tears she wants to cry but cannot because this is a public setting and that would be embarrassing. Emo girl thinks maybe she should have dated bff instead. There is thunder in the background as the bus drives into the darkness. Guitar solo.  

[slut4film]

060621 - jurassic park III (2001), dir. joe johnston

plot: in need of funds for research, dr. alan grant accepts a large sum of money to accompany paul and amanda kirby on an aerial tour of the infamous isla sorna. it isn’t long before all hell breaks loose and the stranded wayfarers must fight for survival as a host of new - and even more deadly - dinosaurs try to make snacks out of them.

actors: 

sam neill as dr. alan grant

william h. macy as paul kirby

tea leoni as amanda kirby

alessandro nivola as billy brennan

trevor morgan as eric kirby

michael jeter as udesky

genres:

science fiction

action

thoughts:

not them thinking they’re gonna die even though they’re not in the boat

i love this evolution from hating kids to loving kids

you’re telling me it’s pronounced ees-la sorna and not eye-la sorna??

sorry, i just realized laura dern didn’t get with what’s his face and has children with another man… A CRIME

grant’s assistant is kinda cute, i’m not gonna lie

i would have never expected grant to have nightmares of dinosaurs

what a bunch of assholes, this is why you don’t trust men with a pornstache and women who look like they belong on the pta and men named cooper, who the fuck names their kid cooper?

amanda, shut the fuck up, you dumb bitch, i hope you get eaten by a fucking dinosaur

blaming the plane crash on paul and amanda, fuck the kirbys

i am now officially an amanda kirby hate page

of course, the black guy gets killed early

i wish amanda got crushed by that tree

do you think alan grant saw all these new breeds of dinosaurs and was like “damn papa, you a rare breed, no comparing.”?

shut the fuck up, amanda, have you not learned anything from when you frist started shouting “ERIC! ERIC!!”?

amanda’s acting is so goddamn hysterical, i hate her and her ugly ass haircut

grant’s assistant might have been cute, but he is mad dumb for taking those eggs, now those bitches are gonna come for y’all

i’m proud of the little boy too, i would have survived 3 hours max

little boy’s fit is lowkey swaggy

take a shot every time these bitches scream “ERIC!!”

me watching little boy run: he’s a runner, he’s a track star

i will not accept billy dying and the kirby’s living

no, because who let amanda be the one to close the door??? homie left that door unlocked

“there’s two types of people on this place: astronomers and astronauts” i am most definitely an astronomer, every time i tell people i want to study film, they think i want to make and direct films, no, i literally just want to study film, analyze them, connect them to themes and issues in our real life, etc.

not the satellite phone dinosaur again

i could never answer the phone, my social anxiety could never just pick up the home phone like that

charlie and i share the fact that we both watched barney as a kid and you know what, i would get distracted by a big, purple dinosaur

laura dern’s pants are so cute

“rawr rawr rawr”

i would’ve died because i can’t swim… it’s a good thing paul learned to swim

yes!! eat amanda!!!

okay whatever cute lil family moment but i still hate amanda

bite amanda’s head off!!

not the navy and the marines coming out guns ablazing

oh period, billy’s all good

at least he rescued the hat

final rating: 3/5 stars