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vro0m · 2 years ago

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vro0m’s rewatch - 141/310

2014 Belgian GP

Alright friends it's time for Spa! I think I like Spa. I guess we'll see if I do. Also we have a build up this time so that's good already.

(Here’s a warning : this is The Long One I just had so much to say and I went on so many rants I’m very sorry)

EDIT : so I calculated that it takes about 25 minutes to read 🥴🥴🥴 just so you know before you start. Again, my apologies.

Jordan thinks there'll be team orders this time for Mercedes, as to avoid any incidents at the start especially. DC disagrees.

Quali report. It was a really really wet one. Hulkenberg went out in Q1. He said he had no confidence in his car in these conditions. Valtteri is only 6th. The Ferraris have been looking good all weekend but Alonso went off and he starts from 4th. Ricciardo made a mistake and he starts 5th. Seb is 3rd. The Mercedes were 2 seconds ahead of everyone else!!! But Lewis is still not friendly with his car and he went off as well, while Nico had no issues. So that's Nico on pole, Lewis 0.2 behind, and then the others are truly 2 seconds away with Seb +2.126 behind, I can't believe this shit this is insane.

Wait wait wait what did I hear? So there's been a driver change at Caterham with Lotterer making his debut. I don't even know who he is replacing lmao but that's not what caught my attention. Lotterer out qualified teammate Ericsson and that makes the journalist react, saying it’s quite unexpected. DC says "It's contrasting stories, really, isn't it? We've got Max Verstappen, a young guy being a question mark over is he too young to come to Formula 1 at 16-17, of course next year, and we've got Lotterer at 32 making his debut with vast amounts of experience." Wow. It's the first mention of Max I hear in this rewatch. (Also I keep saying rewatch but I'm watching for the first time so it makes no sense.) It is insanely young to sit in an F1 car, isn't it? Damn.

Anyway. Rosberg is 11 points ahead of Lewis in the WDC standings.

DC is catching up with Jenson and they can't help but talk about Lewis. He says it's good they're battling for the title and that Lewis seems stronger in the head than he's ever been, even with the issues he's had with the car.

Oh dear, it’s apparently starting to rain lightly…

Also silly season has started and rumours say Alonso has had a meeting with Redbull. They're talking about Bianchi being a possible candidate for Ferrari if Alonso does go to Redbull. It's a bit heartbreaking so I'm gonna move on.

Oh so Max has been signed already wow. I hadn't understood. I thought they were just talking about it but Helmut Marko signed him. Eddie Jordan is listing all the young drivers that came too soon and are now gone from F1 and tells Redbull they should be very careful. I mean. Listen. Not a Max fan obviously but you can't really compare him to Alguersuari or Grosjean (who came back). That's just insane.

Alright it's time for the race, I'm switching to skysports commentary.

Formation lap

Oh there's a problem with Alonso's car. His team is still working on it after the time limit. The other cars leave. He's gonna get a penalty for that but if he can start the car now he can at least start from his spot on the grid. And he does that.

There's very very light rain.

Oh and Lewis is reversing on the grid because he missed his box which is great for my nerves.

And they're racing…

And he gets an amazing start! He's ahead! HE'S IN THE LEAD BEFORE THE FIRST CORNER! Seb is also ahead of Rosberg! Oh and there's been contact at the back I've seen something fly. Yellow flags. And Seb is catching Lewis! And he attacks in the straight! But Lewis has the inside line in the next corner and Seb goes straight on and loses a place to Nico. Phew. Yellow flags again. Cleared. Oh but that's Bianchi going around the track with one tyre completely wrecked. Wow this is such a long track compared to Hockenheim, we're only now completing the first lap. So Lewis is in the lead, but Nico is only half a second behind. Then Seb, Alonso, Ricciardo, Bottas, Raikkonen, Magnussen, Massa, and Jenson in the top 10.

Lewis makes a slight mistake and the fight is on. He goes defensive, holding the inside line, while Nico attacks. AND THEY TOUCHED! That's on Nico. He couldn't make it so he tucks back behind but he didn't do it fast enough and touched Lewis’ rear wheel with his front wing when he put himself back in position for the next corner. AND THAT'S A PUNCTURE FOR LEWIS FUCK he's dropping back… and he's completely opposite to the pits they just started a new lap I'm so pissed. Over the radio, he says Nico hit him. Fuuuuuuck. And the tyre has started to shred and that might be too much damage by the time he gets to the pits nooooo. Look like I said it's Nico's fault but imho that's a racing incident, it's very much unlucky that it had such an impact… yeah. Lewis is speeding to the pits and the tyre is flying all over the place in tiny pieces. Yellow flags. Lewis is finally in the pits. He goes again. He's P19. Nico is struggling as well. Ted says Lewis had damage to the floor and that it'll be an issue. There's a lot of debris on the racing line from his tyre. Spa I was saying I think I like you why are you doing this to me. Apparently Lotterer has stopped at the entrance of the pitlane. Daniel overtakes Alonso for P3. Yellow flags again. Lewis on the radio. "Floor's damaged, right?" He sounds worried. Bono says he'll need to have a look at the photos but thanks for the feedback. He's not gaining places at the moment, but a lap later, he sets the fastest lap. Come on! Bono comes back to him with a plan. He needs to stay on this tyre for 15 laps, so he should manage the rear left and he sets him a target lap time at 55.7. But Lewis is not convinced. "The rear left tyre is not going to go to lap 15." In the meantime, Ricciardo overtook Seb. And Valtteri overtakes Alonso for P4. Nico is about to pit and they're changing his whole front wing. It's gonna cost him. Yeah. That's a 10.0 stop. That puts him in P15. Lewis is still P19. I'm switching to x2 speed because I don't have time for that shit. It's lap 10.

Oh wtf? There's something dangling from, like, the antenna of Nico's car?

Oh. Brundle says he thinks that's part of Lewis' destroyed tyre. And Crofty makes the funniest "aha?" that goes up at the end that makes it very clear he sees the irony. It looks incredibly dangerous, in any case. It’s flopping around and looks like it’s gonna wrap around the steering wheel. Seb pits. Kvyat pits. Hulkenberg pits. We can see on a replay that Nico tried to tug the debris away as soon as it got stuck on his car but couldn't do it. Alonso gets a 5 seconds stop and go penalty for the issue before the start of the race, which is weirdly lenient. Ricciardo pits, he's ahead of Seb. Lewis P17. He's the second fastest man on the track at the moment. Rosberg is closing on Seb but he locks up MASSIVELY and is under pressure from Valtteri now. And here he goes! He overtook him with such ease! He's now catching Seb. Lewis pits. It's a quick one, but he went 14 laps instead of 15, and he's back in P19 so. Yeah. Not a good race for him… Nico pits as well.

It's lap 20. Daniel is in the lead followed by Raikkonen and Seb. Then there's Valtteri closing fast on Seb, Magnussen who's far behind, Alonso, Jenson, Perez, Kvyat, and Rosberg is out in P10. Lewis, moodily : "should save this engine guys." Bono : "Lewis, don't worry, it is being discussed, but your pace is good (x2), we never know what's gonna happen with safety cars or anything later, so let's just keep plugging away and we will keep discussing it here." And we don't hear that in the broadcast, but I read in the transcript Bono then adds : "Lewis, you may not feel it but your pace is good. You're only a tenth off being purple in the middle sector. So anything could happen. We'd be kicking ourselves." He's so warm and comforting and reassuring and consoling. Come on Lewis, don't give up!

(I always find this part of him very interesting, because he really is very prone to pessimism. I mean it might be obvious but of course it makes sense he preaches positivity as much as he does, specifically because he naturally gives in to negative thoughts very easily himself. We’ve already talked about that at some point iirc. Anyway, back to the race.)

We're halfway through and Nico is back up in P5. And then he slows down and is back in P6. He must have made a mistake. Lewis P16. A couple of laps later, Rosberg in P3. Lewis on the radio again. "Guys even if I catch the guys in front I have no downforce." He is absolutely done with this race and wanna go home but that's not in the job description. "OK Lewis, message is understood, but you do have good pace and if we had a safety car then there is all to fight for," answers Bono. "We are not concerned about the engine, just keep your head down and let's keep plugging away."

It's lap 30. Daniel is still in the lead but Raikkonen has pitted and is now P3, with Nico in P2. Seb is P4, Valtteri P5, Magnussen P6, Alonso P7, Hulkenberg P8, Perez P9, and Jenson P10. And Valtteri overtakes Seb for P4. Lewis is in P15, and he gets called in, out in P16. Grosjean retires. Rosberg pits for the third time, Seb pits as well, and Valtteri gets himself ahead of Nico, but Nico is on fresh tyres… and he overtakes him for P3, and then Raikkonen for P2. Daniel is 20 seconds ahead… Lewis again asks his team to stop him and save his engine. Babe there's 7 laps to go, shut up and do it. Bono answers again, basically, they hear him but no. The engine isn't an issue. He's still 16th. Ah come on. Come the fuck on. On lap 40, with 5 laps to go, they do retire him. That is sooo SOOOO SOOOO stupid. Why. Honestly. Fucking hell. Why did you let him do all this for that. Also why did you give in to him complaining instead of making him do his very well-paid job to the end tbh. Stupid ass team, this was a lesson moment. This race has been infuriating.

Extremely close racing from P5 to P8 now, between Magnussen, Jenson who's performing actual miracles to stay ahead of Alonso without crashing into his team-mate, and Seb. Final lap.

And it's the end of the race.

It's another win for Ricciardo. Rosberg P2, Valtteri P3.

Ted asks Niki what he said to Lewis. "I said sorry because for him it's bad, no question about it." He says Lewis was clearly in the lead. "Why in the second lap? This somebody has to explain to me," he says. He says these things can happen when there's a fight all the way to the end but not in the second lap. They say they will all have a meeting, and see what they're gonna do, but he thinks it's a bad result for the team, altogether, and Lewis.

On the podium, Rosberg gets loudly booed by the crowd. He's kinda apologetic, saying they touched "unfortunately" and it hurt both their races and it's not good for the team. Jordan asks about responsibility and he says he shouldn't comment as he hasn't seen it.

Back to the BBC broadcast for the post race content. We hear from Toto. The journalist says Nico good booed. Toto looks extremely depressed, it's so weird. He just nods with a sheepish expression. Doesn't say a word. Oh he's pissed. When the journalist asks about the incident he says "absolutely unacceptable, absolutely unacceptable". He says on lap 2 of a long race, between teammates… They've discussed that situation before and it happened that day. He's asked about who's to blame as well. He says it's clear what happened out there. "You don't try to overtake with a knife between your teeth, is that how you say? On lap number 2 and then damage both cars." He says he believes this is a decisive moment both for their battle and for the team. The journalist asks what Lewis told him after the race. "Oh, he's very upset," he says. "But there is not a lot to say, I mean. We've kept him out there for a long time with a very damaged car uh… he will recover quickly, that's how he is but uh… obviously not very happy at that stage." Last question : "Toto how are you gonna handle this situation now?" Short pause. "It's gonna be handled." He smiles, but only with his mouth. If I was Nico I'd be shitting myself. The main presenter (Susie, not Wolff) and DC scoff and raise an eyebrow. The message is clear and Toto's fury is palpable.

There's stuff to say there. But I'll wait a bit more because I've seen that the BBC also had a word with Niki so let's hear that first.

He says it's unacceptable for him that in the second lap (emphasis on second) Nico hits Lewis. (He calls them out by name.) "Very simple, unacceptable," he repeats. He says there's gonna be a meeting but it's unacceptable. He says they can talk about it if it happens at the end of the race when they're fighting each other. But making such a mistake in the second lap and letting Redbull and Ricciardo win (he takes his cap off and puts it back on), "I have to say they did a very good job", but it's ridiculous. The journalist asks if they had this discussion prior to the race : please don't hit each other in the opening laps. "So far I thought that they're clever enough to know that," he says, "but now we have to discuss it. Very simple."

The BBC reminds us that's a talk they had in their broadcast before the race, about team orders etc. and that they were disagreeing about. Jordan thinks this is the team's fault for not forbidding them to overtake each other in the opening laps until the race settles down. DC thinks that it goes against what a racer is and you want racers in your cars. Jordan says the drivers are team employees, you can't just let people go and do what they want to do, and that the team is paying the price. DC says he accepts that, "but in defence of the drivers…" Jordan cuts him off again. "Forget the drivers for a moment," he says. Susie says "you can't!" and Jordan loses his calm a bit "of course we can! Why defend the drivers when they're completely out on a limb?! The team is not exercising what is normal control, here." Well obviously Jordan was a team owner and DC a driver, and it shows in their opinions. Susie, who's smarter than both of them combined, reminds them very calmly that everybody has been very excited that Mercedes has let them race all season and that's what has made the season what it's been. She says Jordan is saying the opposite of what he was saying at the beginning of the show. Jordan starts rambling about a conversation he's had with DC, "we even brought his wife into it" (and indeed they talked about who takes decisions at home and it was incredibly cringe) "but leave that aside for one moment" and DC nods gravely and Susie says "yes please". He says he thinks they should have given team orders because it's Spa and the weather is changing and letting them race from lap 1 instead of from lap 4-5 was "stupid". But DC says in a boxing match you don't tell the boxers to not knock each other out until the 5th round so we get some value. (Mh not so sure it’s true.) (And sure enough :) Jordan says they do. And DC says well they shouldn't. Anyway DC thinks Nico didn't do it deliberately and was clumsy. "He knows he's not as good a wheel to wheel racer as Lewis" and was frustrated he lost the lead. He thinks it was almost inevitable for them to make contact at some point of the year (that much is true, imo).

Susie asks what it means for Lewis who's now "far" behind in the WDC. They both agree "it means war". (I think back to the "Nico hit me! Nico's hit me!" radio message and I wonder if there was a hint of surprise in Lewis' voice). DC says what's interesting as well is the public reaction because they all know Nico personally and he's a genuinely nice person but he can't seem to get the public behind him, and he doesn't have the team support right now (and that's what I wanna talk about). Ohhh interesting. Susie says Nico has gone to one of the biggest newspapers in the UK and he bought a column in it to try to win over the British fans. She asks if he's lost the support he could have had from that. Jordan thinks it was fragile from the start. He says RTL is down 30% which would be unimaginable if it had been Schumacher. He points out it's confusing because he's German with a Finnish passport living in Monaco. Susie points out the German didn't embrace Seb either. (Maybe the Germans are the problem then. Jk. Sorry to the Germans.) She says it's like they loved Michael and they can't love anybody else. DC says a German colleague told him they could relate to him as coming from a working class background. (Yep).

Okay wait. We have Lewis' interview but before that I wanna comment on some things there, because as Toto said it is indeed a pivotal moment.

So yeah, very interesting how everybody is rallying around Lewis there. Remember in the last race how we were told the team apologised to him because the car gave up on him in quali? That also made me tick. It's a very, very interesting twist. We know from the past seasons that Lewis struggled to get the team's support in McLaren. We've seen him struggle to trust them and struggle to keep them motivated in their hard times and struggle with these relationships. It's almost surprising that in Mercedes, where he is the newcomer (I mean it's his second season there but Nico was there first), the team is rallying around him. What changed there? I don't have an answer, you'd have to have been there, in the backrooms, in the meetings to see it happen. (A lot of that was discussed in my asks since then.)

Now don't get me wrong. I've said it from the moment it happened : it was Nico's fault but truly it was a racing incident. It wasn't a huge rash mistake. It was a tiny error that had big consequences. I agree with DC that it was pretty much inevitable anyway, especially given that they let them race. It was stupid as all fuck and team seniors are right to make sure Nico knows that but they are taking such a strong public stance there, I find it very strange. You'd think it was the 2010 Turkey Seb-Webber crash when it really could have been nothing and they got very unlucky.

It's undeniable Niki loves Lewis. He's there for him. From the start you can hear in every of his post race interviews that he's his focal point and Nico is an afterthought. In his opinion, it seems, Nico is a good driver and he's good for the team mainly because he pushes Lewis further.

It must be such a change of pace for him. Knowing that people are in his corner, backing him up, defending him, publically, loudly, proudly, and he's not fighting alone. That has not been the case, ever. People have always recognized his talent and underlined it at McLaren but I often had the vague diffuse feeling that he was on his own rather than part of a team. That's different with Mercedes and it resonates to this day. I can feel the rise of this magnetic aura he has nowadays, that I find very obvious, that makes a number of people around him act like he isn't completely human. Even most of the other drivers. They treat him differently, like he's an idol, in the religious term. It's like the air bends around him. Even though the young drivers wanna beat him, you can tell they can't help but lose their cool a little everytime he interacts with them. That's how it feels right this moment, seeing this team (and the public) so unequivocally defend him, against better reason (like, idk, basic PR rules).

I wonder how much of that is due to him being the underdog and incredibly unlucky that season. I guess we'll see how it evolves and whether it changes at some point. (From what I’ve heard from some of you, it does.)

Also about Nico not having the public support. Well. Yeah. No surprise there. It's really interesting because that didn't really change to this day. He's really a golden boy, rich af, extremely privileged and so extremely naive about it? Like, shockingly naive. You're telling me the man bought a column in the UK's most read newspaper to try to get people to like him?! It's a dick move, love. You're just. Being rich. And you're doing that on Lewis' territory? Why not in Germany then? Why not in Finland? Absurd! He clearly means well, he's not mean, he's not an Alonso, he's not purposeful about it but he's just. So. Incredibly. Idk. Sheltered? Senseless? It makes me feel a bit sorry for him, in a slightly condescending way. He's trying so hard but so clumsily. Actually not unlike his racing now that I write it down? His overtake, his mistake, it's exactly that. Naive, senseless, and clumsy. Damn. Parallels.

Let's get back to the content.

Lewis says during the drivers' parade he saw so many British flags and the support was amazing and he's gutted he couldn't give the fans a good result. (His attitude is interesting, when he's pissed at a result he usually doesn't wanna talk, but he is talkative there, just very serious.) He doesn't know what to say. He sighs. He says we couldn't see it but he was driving so hard to try and do what he could with the car but it was so damaged…

He says he's gutted for the team. "My guys," he says (which accentuates the whole support thing, because I don’t remember hearing him use a possessive when referring to them), they've worked so hard on "my car", "we've had such a difficult time this year" and he had a good start and it was looking good. He says he took the corner as he normally does, "it was my line and… I don't know why he hit me but erm… (inhale) I'm sure he'll leave here happy." He tilts his head to the side with a smile.

She asks how big of a moment it is in the championship. He was upset after Monaco, is it worse now? He hums. It's not worse, because it can't really get worse than Monaco. But it's not good. He says it took him a long time to gain thirty points last time, and we've seen it can change very quickly in Silverstone but his (Nico’s) car very rarely stops, "so… it's looking good for him for this season now."

She says he stayed out 20 more laps after first asking to retire. She asks what were the benefits of staying out and whether the team explained that to him. He sighs again. He sighs a lot throughout the interview. He says he wasn't giving up as he was driving (mmmh…) but he knew he couldn't do it, he couldn't catch Grosjean whose car is much slower than theirs. And once he did catch him, he couldn't stay behind him because the car's balance was so bad. He says he thought about the fact that in the last race weekend he lost an engine because it caught on fire, so he's one engine down compared to Nico, so that's why he wanted to save this engine because he's gonna have less laps in practice than him. (Okay I see his point.) She says he's been fighting very hard against the odds this season and he seems still very emotional standing there, what is it gonna take to win the WDC now?

Another pause, another sigh. He says there's a lot of things going on in his mind and of course you start to think maybe it's just not his year but he "can't let that overtake everything there's still 7 races" and he's gonna push, they've got a great car and a great team and he believes in them.

Another pause. "Who knows whether some fortune will come my way but I'm just gonna give it everything I can for these next few races because that's all I can do".

Now listen, because that's very interesting. She asks if it matters that Niki and Toto have been very much on his side, does the speaking needs to be done on track, does he speak to Nico?

He sighs again, it reminds him of school. The teachers would have a talk but they did nothing, "or you get a detention", but he thinks it won't even be that here, "I guess it'll be– all they can do is really (sigh) say that was not good and… we move on. He got those points today, the stewards didn't act on it and he's now 30 points ahead so (sigh, shrug) you know I just have to regather my thoughts and just approach… just be attacking (he smiles) like crazy in the next couple of races."

Alright. Let's take a second again. I'm sorry if this is a very long review but there's so much to analyse here, as I said I truly think it's a turning point. I was just saying how it must be a change of pace for Lewis to be supported like he is at Mercedes but clearly he doesn't feel like he is yet. It's gonna be interesting because you can tell he doesn't trust them to have his best interest at heart and to take the right measures to assert that. You can tell there's a lot of, I don't wanna say trauma because I don't know, but baggage there. We know he's been bullied in school and it's very telling that he's bringing school up at that point. He feels bullied. He feels like a victim in this situation. It seems his whole life he's been left to deal with these feelings on his own. We know his father has many qualities but he wasn't a very comforting father. We know he didn't defend him. Lewis loves to bring it up, but the whole "do your talking on the track" is, also, an admission of powerlessness off the track. He had to do the talking on the track because he couldn't defend himself off of it, because of the stigma, and the racism, and the fact that they weren't treated like they had the same rights as the others, as their bullies. We know his principal singled him out for being a racing driver and didn't support him and even punished him for it so you know he's faced injustice and he's never seen justice being served when that happened. Nobody has ever defended him but himself. Think of the fact he took, was it judo or karate?, to face his bullies, also think of Abu Dhabi and all of the '21 season and what that has meant for him in that context. It's the same thing all over again, in his eyes : the bullies aren't being punished, the people in power are protecting them instead of him, the principal is out to get him any way he can. Fucking hell. That puts a lot of things into perspective all of a sudden.

Let's get back to 2014. So that's what's at stake here as well. Not just the friendship (it's probably too late already), not just the WDC (there would have been other years), but the feeling of belonging, the feeling that people have your back, the feeling that they won't let you fight alone. It all depends on how the team will react now, and for the rest of the season, and for the rest of Brocedes. And maybe, maybe, that was Nico's role in Lewis' story. Someone had to be sacrificed for him, to him. Someone had to be put second so he could be put first.

Jordan feels it too but without the hindsight I have. He kind of refuses to comment on it because he says he needs to listen to it again, because "he obviously has a message in there, and he wanted it delivered, the message, and I think that message is critical to the team and how his car is run."

The message, I think, is "do you have my back and if so prove it."

DC agrees with Susie that it's an incredibly well thought out interview, and he's impressed with how he's able to gather his thoughts in the car, even though he's incredibly emotional while he's racing. He says he enjoys, and that's a good point, how Mercedes allow their drivers to talk (and I'd say all the team members because Toto and Niki didn't hold back either). He thinks it'll bring the team popularity.

And here's the kicker. The cherry on the cake. The Wikipedia article states that Nico "received an undisclosed punishment from Mercedes for hitting Hamilton". Although the stewards investigated it and concluded, like me, that it was a racing incident. Lewis later said after a meeting that Nico had "basically" admitted that it had been intentional to "prove a point" and that he (Lewis) didn't have to only rely on Nico to avoid it as he could have avoided it as well.

(At some point in this rewatch there will be something to say about Lewis' tendency to get paranoid when he comes under pressure but this is not a very good argument for it as we don't know the truth and there's enough in this review anyway. Also I have a gut feeling that the may-or-may-not-be paranoia is gonna get way worse later on so we’ll talk about it then.)

Toto also somewhat backed Lewis on this, saying after the meeting the collision could have been avoided, it was Nico who attacked and "it was also to show he was not prepared to give in". Nico initially said he didn't do anything wrong, and didn't see any risk in his manoeuvre. Then he denied Lewis' version of the meeting but refused to say what he said in the meeting, to "keep it internal". In one article, a Mercedes spokesman said that Lewis' version was "broadly accurate" but Toto said the part about admitting the crash was deliberate was "nonsense".

(See, let me get back to the paranoia thing after all. (sorry) What I mean is that when he's under pressure he sometimes makes wild claims, like sometimes on the radio, saying people did things on purpose and then he regrets it when he's calmed down. Something does happen, I mean it's never completely unwarranted, but then the question of whether people did the thing with bad intentions or not is up to interpretation and I feel like he tends to believe by default that people are out to get him, especially in tense moments. Which is understandable given the context and the whole bullying thing I mentioned earlier but it's worth keeping in mind. This may or may not be the case here. Like it might be that Nico said something ambiguous that could be interpreted as "I did it on purpose" and that's how Lewis heard it but could also have been interpreted with more nuance which Lewis didn't.) (And I don't blame him for it given the context.) (But still important pattern to keep in mind imo.) (Because if not relevant now it will definitely be relevant at some point.) (OK sorry let's keep going.)

Five days after the race, the senior members of the team held a meeting with both of them. That's when Nico got the undisclosed punishment. They still maintained the no team order policy. Nico accepted responsibility and apologised to Lewis, Mercedes, and the fans. Lewis admitted in a statement he made mistakes in their rivalry over the year and that it would be unfair to put all the blame on one driver. "There is a deep foundation that still exists for me and Nico to work from, in spite of our difficult time and differences."

So now. The question is, I guess, was the punishment enough in Lewis' eyes to convince him he's not fighting alone? Is he fighting alone?

#f1 #lewis hamilton #vro0m's race reviews #2014 #2014 belgian gp

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chemicalcarousel · 2 years ago

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is it normal for the host of a system to having attributed your headmates' behavior/thoughts/opinions/ect to yourself before you were made aware of your plurality?

and is it normal for other headmates to having confused themselves as being you, the host, in the past?

(gonna do a "keep reading" for the rest of it, since it became a long rant about my& struggle with our mental health)

ig it's because we just thought that was what being one person was idk we do be a lil stoopid lmao. like... i remember some episodes where levi was close to the front or fronting with me where we were well aware that there was a levi there (name and all), but we thought it was a delusion or we just brushed it off as if it never happened. then we identified as otherkin/fictionkin (since levi is an introject from a fictional source). levi thought he wasn't his own person and he still seems freaked out by the thought of existing and honestly i dont blame him since i find existing freaky too hxkfsfksxs

i thought one of the littles was me doing involuntary age regression as some sort of emotional flashback, but idk my therapist thinks she's a seperate part and ngl it makes more sense. she's much different, but probably based on young me and holds our trauma from that time. i'm personally emotionally distanced to the trauma mostly, but she's the one holding it. every therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist that have met her are extremely surprised how i change so drastically. and they have all commented on how im not in touch with my emotions when i describe my trauma very analytically. but then sometimes "i" start acting like a scared child. i cant control it in any way. i especially cant control my body language, my thoughts, my emotions, and my speech. and after the episode is over i definitely have emotional amnesia. it was a dissociated child part

also the child has a passive influence on me from positive triggers too and it's hard to control that. let's just say we have a lot of plushies lmao but idk they are very cute and the big ones are good for especially the littles to ground and soothe themselves. sometimes hugging one also helps when a little is upset inside of the body. we have a hard time reaching each other inside the headspace, it's like we are lost in an infinite void of darkness where we can sense each other faintly at times, but it's so hard to communicate. but i hugged a big, soft plushie once i felt a little crying and i kept repeating that we are safe and that she's not alone and that we love her. idk why the plushie hugging helped, but my theory is that she might have felt it through our body and hugging that plushie helps her. she didnt seem to be at the front at all, but idk maybe she could still feel it?? idk how this works, my therapist has been very hesitant to help us, even though she's the one who was like "yeah you are three different parts, i've observed them all" (havent told her about lee bc we are scared and he only fronts when we are alone and he can do some activities he likes)

TW // suicidal ideation mention

our therapist is a licenced psychiatrist and psychotherapist who is specialised in mood disorders (we have bipolar), so maybe that's why she's so bad at handling our case. she's like "it's hard to work with your trauma when you're either not in touch with it or you're triggered to the point of closing off from the world". bruh........ we're trying our best here, you're supposed to like.... know what to do. there's a reason that we are here, if we knew how to handle this we wouldn't need therapy wtf. sadly we barely have an income high enough to live off of since we aren't allowed to work yet due to our strong anxiety and s//cidal ideation. also we dont have the right disorders to get disability (only schizo-spec or bpd, denmark is so stupid istfg). hhh life is so hard and we are super split on having hope for the future or not

TW OVER // suicidal ideation mention

anyway, a question turned into a rant (yet again). ig it's because we literally have no one to talk to about this. sorry hhhhgggg

~ Sof (she/he/they)

#pluralgang #actuallyplural #actuallysystem #actuallymultiple #sysblr #pluralblr #headmates #host #system host #yo its sof #ours

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agirldying · 3 years ago

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what are you in school for again, i have never heard of chapbooks before what is that? that sounds like a lot of stress, being a student is rough and so difficult while the semester is coming to an end. is this your last year?

i’m sorry your living situation has been tough. if you want to talk about it we are here, im here and care so much. it’s good you are looking ahead to your future living situation rather then be fixated on how it is now. this will pass hun. im glad you are doing a bit better, do you want to talk about the mental breakdown? if so, and you don’t feel comfy posting about it i can message you.

hope this isn’t too many questions

Hi anon!

Never too many questions, I like feeling cared about lmao

I'm majoring in creative writing and minoring in art. According to my professor, a chapbook is typically 48 pages or fewer, often 20-35 pages in length. They can be really any genre but are mostly short nonfiction or poetry collections. They're basically formal zines. The class that requires a chapbook at the end of the semester is my poetry capstone. My chapbook must contain at least 10 new poems (new as in written this semester). I'm honestly not confident with a few of them but my professor has talked me into sparing them. But because I'm not really confident in it, the chapbook will likely not be anything I'm going to publish or sell, but it will be a good start to making a chapbook I am happy with.

I have two more semesters.

Below the cut is an extremely long rant about my living situation

Honestly the breakdown was basically an overload of both work and social stress surrounding my living situation. For multiple reasons I just... only live in my room and not the rest of the house due to the state its in. My room isn't the cleanest and my laundry is in a huge pile against my wall but at least I refrigerate or dispose of perishable food items and wrappers and such. I feel like the only tenant that cleans up after themselves immediately after using anything. There are dirty dishes on the counter that I have to put in the sink for them since they apparently are too busy to clean up after themselves. Anytime I complain about it I get insulted. When I ask for us to have a meeting to sit and talk they take it like a joke. I don't deny that we all have our problems but it's no excuse to leave the common areas like a mess. Some housemates treat the house like only they live here. I've been putting up with this for two semesters and I cannot wait to move out the second I'm done with finals. I'm just so utterly frustrated because I tried to confront them about the mess, I offered for us to have an open discussion, and they've given up so I have too. I'm done trying to make things work with them. I'm still trying to be nice whenever they speak to me just to avoid further conflict but I'm standing on my last leg.

Just... so much has happened. Recently one of my housemate's cats apparently snuck into my room and was subsequently trapped inside it while I was away, so it peed on my dish chair. I tried lathering it in dish soap, letting it sit for an hour, taking it out back and hosing it down, letting it dry overnight outside, but it still smelled so I covered it in baking soda and let it sit for a half hour but it STILL stunk so I gave up and left it outside, trying to think of how to dispose of it. My mom offered to cover the cost of a new chair, which I just ordered today, and the cat's owner offered to pay half of the cost, so I'm not that mad about it anymore but I still just was like... this is why I always have to keep my door closed. We have 2 cats and a puppy being actively potty trained so it's a fucking zoo. Yet another reason why I feel confined to my room.

And I honestly never really socialize with the other housemates, which I feel like has to do with me being autistic, depressed, and borderline. So none of them know me at all despite living with me for a year, and I'm honestly okay with that because there's only one housemate I feel like I could even remotely get along with, and even still I have issues trusting her because everyone seems to talk to each other about anything I say. I never signed up to live in a sorority but here I am.

I wouldn't be so pressed about my living situation if we all had better communication. Because even if they confessed that they're struggling to clean up after themselves due to whatever the fuck, mental health or work or whatever it is, I'd feel less infuriated because at least I'd know why. But without any kind of justification I walk out of my room and immediately see dirty dishes, pans with grease lying out on the stove, food sitting out for days at a time, wrappers and empty containers with ample space in the garbage, it just puts me on edge and I don't understand how they don't get that. It's disrespectful to me and everyone else who lives here. Fuck.

But yeah my mental breakdown was mostly due to all the above. On the day that it happened I had gone to a class where some white cishet male was popping off about how much he hates cancel culture because he was allegedly cancelled for an "unpopular opinion" which really tempted me to ask what the opinion was because like,,, cancel culture comes from a place of accountability for saying stupid, discriminatory shit so I'd love to fuckin know what it was that you said. But I kept my mouth shut because I imagined myself being antagonized for interrogating. So that already put me in a really tense state. So then I come home and, for context I use the side door of my house because it's closest to my bedroom, but I have to enter a mudroom before I enter the house. And when I walked up to the door I noticed that a fucking litter box (one that had a lid as well) was like, in-between the outside and inside doors to the mudroom. And that just set me off even more because I felt forgotten, like hello I use this door so don't block the entryway thanks very fucking much. So in a fit of frustration I forced the door open and then took the litter box and threw it to the other side of the mudroom. Mind you I currently am wearing acrylics, I pulled my nail in the process, which made me EVEN MORE upset. So I finally come into the house, enter my room, slam the door behind me, and start hyperventilating. You know what happens next.

At this point I'm just trying to look ahead and keep reminding myself that we only have a couple weeks left of the semester and then I'm in my dreaded hometown for a few months before I move into the apartment of my dreams with the boyfriend of my dreams. I've just been trying to dissociate my way through it and trying to look at it optimistically, like "only 5 classes left per class, that's such a small number it'll go by quick" etc.

If you read this far, thank you for listening. It helped just to write it out. I'm goin through it

#text #asks #vent #tw

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drunkportuguese · 5 years ago

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the one anon about Sam Wilson wearing Cap. America's clothes: Oh... Sorry for not explaining better, but Sam wearing Cap. America's battle uniforms/battle suits. The one battle suit from Civil War, or from Endgame, or the one with the star ripped out in Infinity War. Just something i've been thinking because of stuff that happened at the end of Endgame, not based on something you posted.

Thank you so much for clarifying! I’m going to go on a little bit of a big rant, but it’s like, my first time writing like this, so please be patient :D I have also not read the comics so all of this is speculation!

Sam wearing Steve’s uniforms is something that doesn’t quite sit right with me. While I believe that the CA mantle is not something that should become the hero’s personality, I do think that it’d be cool to see some changes based on the person who’s wearing it. Sam picking up Steve’s used uniforms and not altering anything would be pretty lame and ilogical imo

I follow a few tumblrs that do read the comics and so I see comics’ Sam!cap once in a while, and I love the way the uniform was tailored to him!

^This looks really good to me! There are a few obvious flaws that I’ll talk about later, but regardless, it’s different enough that everyone knows that that’s the incredible Sam Wilson, but also recognizable enough that you can tell perfectly that he’s Captain America, what with the Puerto Rican flag n�� all (I joke).

However, I’d love love love to see Sam wearing the famous stealth uniform:

Like, this one is a godsend and I really love it (just like the rest of the world lmao). I think it’d really look good on Sam!

But that’s really the only original suit that Sam could wear without making changes to it and still look normal and logical:

Unless Sam’s wings are like those of an owl, he’d make noise flying, as well as that most stealth missions involve going inside buildings, so stealth would have to be on the ground and in closed spaces for most of the time.

Thus, Sam wouldn’t fly a lot in these situations, only using the wings as extra punching-“hands” or a full body shield.

Because of 1) and 2), the original uniform’s build makes sense to me, as the suit doesn’t need to be aerodynamic - flying would not be the focus of these types of missions, and I think Shield would rather the suit was focused on protection and noise reduction than being aerodynamic.

Sam’s fighting style is more airborne than Steve’s, so the other uniforms don’t really fit this different fighting style.

To show you what I mean, let’s take off (hah) from the MCU and dive (hah x2) into the DCU, into the last Aquaman movie. This is what I didn’t like about the movie:

(beware as the picture under this sentence is an edit, but is also a faithful representation of the real suit - i couldn’t find a good quality picture of it besides this one)

Here’s the deal: Nothing in these suits screams hydrodynamic to me.

Mera’s skintight suit might look the most hydrodynamic of all, but that was not the intention they had when making her wear that. They wanted her to have a skintight suit because she’s a woman and thus needs to look sexy. I hate this trope in superheroes’ suits (yes, even in Aquaman’s own skintight suit), but I digress.

Mera’s suit has an egregious neckline. Who the fuck designed this? She’s gonna be swimming superman-style at breakneck speeds and your first thought is to put an enormous boob window where water will 100% make it into the suit through the middle of her boobs?! During the entire movie I was waiting to see her puff-up like a pufferfish from all the water intake the suit must’ve had.

Mera wears heels, which is ridiculous for a society that doesn’t even really walk!

But King Orm’s suits are the worst to me. The first one might not be that bad, but why does he look like a medieval knight/gladiator?

But the third picture… is the absolute fucking worst.

Why does he have a cape? That shit’s gonna float around him and strangle him someday, and I’m gonna be on the sidelines watching and laughing with Edna Mode.

The whole suit looks clunky and heavy, and it might be made of scales but that still doesn’t look oceanic to me. Looks more like someone took Jon Snow’s suit and changed the colors to fit an ocean environment.

All of this is to show you that:

I’m way too picky about superhero suits;

When I rant, I go for the long haul;

These suits are not adapted to their environment, and that’s their biggest flaw.

Steve’s suits are not made to go airborne, and that make sense, because Steve doesn’t fly. Steve’s suits are adapted to ground fighting.

But Sam does fly, and I’d hate to see Sam’s CA suits become the Mera/King Orm of the MCU, where they make them look borderline military-like and too superhero-y, and Sam stops looking like his suits were made to fit an airborne environment and more like they just look cool and that’s it.

So let’s look at skydiving suits:

Notice the full helmet and the how these clothes are baggy but still tight to the body? These suits also have a full-body harness, to make sure no part of the body is under too much strain when you open the parachute and the speed you are travelling at drastically decreases. Would the harness be just for the shoulders, like a backpack, I don’t know - you might dislocate something!

Now let’s look at Sam’s suit:

I’d appreciate if he had some sort of protection for his mouth and nose. Sam’s fights can make him need to do a lot of quick ascends and tight turns and he can very easily have the breath knocked out of him with a rogue gust of wind.

The breastplate/belly-plate(?) looks a little too solid to me, thought, and this is a man that literally performs falcon takedowns, where he needs to curl up quickly:

I’d say with all the technology available in the MCU, now especially with Shuri’s help, they’d be able to make a more flexible but protective suit for Sam, and that’s what I’d like to see when he debuts as CA.

But other than that, it actually looks like a good compromise between being aerodynamic and protective.

It looks protective enough if we ignore the exposed skin around his elbows (I’d be terrified if I had exposed joints – one well-placed stab or slash and my arm would be gone).

His pants look comfortable and not too tight, which prevents getting a wedgie mid-fight and allows the body to move freely.

It has the full-body harness like the suits we saw earlier, but it could use some work. Parachuting means you will have maybe one time where your body will experience a drastic decrease in speed, but Sam will increase and decrease speed very quickly and many times during fights and pursuits. He needs a sturdy body harness with more belts than the parachuters’ so the strain is even more distributed throughout the body, to prevent his groin and shoulders from getting crazy amounts of stress. He is human, after all, and the human body has limits.

Let’s look at the comics again:

This might look a little ridiculous with all the muscle definition, but apart from the exposed boot laces and maybe too tight clothes, it looks pretty fit for high speed flying, acrobatics, and fighting.

Note especially how the suit wraps around his face. The only problem I see there is that it should have a mask to, again, protect his mouth and nose. That flap under his chin could get a little loose with use, and one day Sam gets uncomfortable air flowing into his suit – which, needless to say, a split-second distraction like that in superhero fights can be disastrous.

There’s also very little exposed skin: I’d argue that a Captain America-style helmet would help a lot to protect his head but still being aerodynamic, to keep him flying as fast as he can.

So, basically:

Sam’s MCU original suit already looks pretty good. He could use having less exposed skin, more flexible materials, and a Captain America-style helmet, which can all be achieved by combining his original suit with the CA standard suit. CA’s suit aesthetic is especially good, because you can segment the breastplate into two pieces, the blue top, and the red/white bottom, making it more foldable and flexible without compromising the classical CA look.

His suit also needs a Winter Soldier-style mask, but while it’s such a big deal for flying, I still don’t think it’s going to be implemented, because then Sam would become so covered-up that Marvel could be tempted to cgi his entire suit like they did with Iron Man, and I really don’t want to see that. We all know that, with a few exceptions (like James Cameron’s Avatar), cgi does not age well.

-.;.-

I hope at least 10% of this rant makes sense lmao. Also, I know these are superhero movies that definitively don’t need to have all this thought put into them but hey, I like to speculate and complain about shit lol

I’m nowhere near an expert at whatever the fuck I’m talking about in this post, but I tried my best! This deviated into a bit of a different topic, so I’m not sure this is what you wanted, but I wanted to talk about this anyway :s Thank you for the ask!

#MCU #Sam Wilson #ask #anon ask #Captain America #sam!cap #DCU #Aquaman

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