#sorry remembered something from s4 that made me want to throw up

[dr-lizortecho]

more random thinking, but I think I have to go back on what I said before Max isn’t incidentally homophobic because it’s doesn’t present in any of the mlm couplings, just like Michael season four made him incidentally misogynistic

[beevean]

You say Sypha was girlbossed up in Netflixvania? I haven't seen in the show since it was new, but I recall that out of all the female characters, she was given that treatment the LEAST. Like, not even remotely in the same league as Carmilla's characterization. She was cool and smart, but also goofy, adorable, gave the show the levity it wouldn't have most times, and had proportionately huffy responses whenever Trevor (or Alucard) was acting like a clown. So, what's HER problem, exactly?

I'd say Sypha is more of a rude Team Mom. She's basically the trio's braincell because the others are such children, which translates to her being overly snarky and harsh with Trevor.

Also sorry man but this is not proportionately huffy:

Trevor: Right. I'll come back later. See if you can find some beer. Sypha: I could pee in a bucket and tell him it's beer. Grandfather: Sypha, he saved your life! Sypha: He's rude!

This is, what, half an hour after meeting Trevor? He only said that he doesn't think the Speakers' messiah hides under the city. He didn't do anything for her to be like "he should drink my piss". Makes her rant that Trevor made her rude in S4 feel even less called for.

Or this that pissed me off something fierce:

Alucard: You have the most fascinating family junkyard, Belmont. Trevor: You are a cockwart, Alucard. Sypha: Stop it. *drags Trevor away* You are an adult. You do not have to rise to his every barb. Trevor: He's pissing me off like it's his job, Sypha. Sypha: Grow up, Trevor.

you asshole, why aren't you saying anything to the piece of shit that has been insulting Trevor and his whole lineage ever since he woke up? 😭 dude has called Trevor a demented infant, unreliable and emotionally damaged, and joked about his family sacrificing cats to find their junk in the hold, but one mild insult from Trevor who understandably has enough of this cunt is what makes you say "enough"?

Sypha: It's strange. Trevor: How so? Sypha: I'm not sure. He's intelligent, sometimes even witty, in his way. Trevor: And he's certainly half-human. Sypha: More than half-human. He's a person in his own right. But it's like he's a cold spot in the room. It's not like your sadness. Trevor: I'm not sad. Sypha: Yes, you are. But I can shout at you, or tease you, and get a reaction that lets me know you're still in there. His sadness is like an icy well. It's bottomless… and it swallows up your voice and anything you try to drop into it.

Trevor, the dude who lost his whole family at 13 and has lived as a washed up alcoholic since then, has funny depression which doesn't bother Sypha all that much. Alucard, a cushy prince who lost his mother last year, has sad depression which he needs to be pitied for. Why does she even get with Trevor at this point?

She does call out Alucard later on, but she sympathizes with him much more than with Trevor: "You're afraid. You worry that you might have made the wrong choice. So you're trying to make him prove himself again and again by constantly provoking him." i don't know sypha i just think he's an ungrateful cunt and his daddy's son through and through, but hey, if you want to kiss him be my guest

(funnily enough, she does say to Alucard that Trevor didn't finish his childhood, but to Trevor she says that he's an adult and should be the mature one above Alucard's provocations. No sympathy at all, huh.)

Sorry, when I rewatched the show, I didn't find her as cute or charming as I remembered, either. I remembered her teasing Trevor in S3 ("You'll crack like an egg!"), but not that she called Trevor (again, a depressed alcoholic who clearly struggles to take care of himself) a deformed pet bear to throw treats to. And this is after she confesses her desire to travel with him!

She's not the worst part of the show, by far, and I hate Alucard much more than her. But she's also boring as hell when you remove the snark and "cute" insults, because her role is to be the spunky girl and the Team Mom. I call her a #girlboss because her defining quality is being Trevor's sassy girlfriend - she may not be as in your face and obnoxious as #slayqueen Carmilla, but she's still a victim of the writing's tendency to shove all women in two convenient molds, the sassy love interest and the evil but hot dommy mommy.

To be fair though, it doesn't help that she and Trevor got shoved into the most skullnumbingly boring subplots of S3 and 4, which makes discussing them beyond S2 hard for me. I tried, man, I really did, but I almost fell asleep when they played heroes in those villages... and I had bigger fish to fry, anyway :P

[msfbgraves]

Rewatching CK and it’s terrible how Johnny’s character has fallen off a cliff. He was so well written in seasons 1/2, especially 1, but the cracks started showing in 3, and 4/5, especially 5 were godawful for his character and arc. I just don’t care for him anymore, and I boarderline can’t stand him. So sad. He could’ve been great, now he only exists for meme potential. Might be a hot take, but up until the finale of season 5, I thought Kreese was the best written character. But the jello ‘fake-death’ was dreadful, omg. Terry and Daniel are well written 95% of the time too, though they have their OOC moments (Daniel in parts of season 1, Terry and physically fighting Daniel and letting everyone get the better of him in the season 5 finale 🙄) Come on, writers 🙃💩

I feel that the Kreese characterisation was closest to something John, Josh or Hayden must have gone through themselves; a demanding asshole of a father figure who, like Johnny, they were (are?) in a push and pull relationship with, who taught them that CK mindset... and now they're pushing that on Johnny and poor Billy needs to act it all out.

The problem seems to be that they recognise themselves in the bullies, go "Hey, wait, we're fully realised people, too!" and are on a lifelong mission to reclaim their self worth, by denying Johnny's fundamental realisation: "You're alright, LaRusso! Good match!"

And they were right that there was a story there to tell. Because look, you're Johnny Lawrence. And you have found a terribly abusive surrogate father figure, yeah? But you're his favourite! You work hard, and do exactly as he says, and it works! You get love! You get appreciation! You cracked the code! You're the best around! You... have to throw people under the bus sometimes, but, well, sensei says it's dog eat dog world, so... but you're the best! You're the champion! And this new boy has you feeling things, well that... can only be rage. Is only allowed to be rage. "I decide when he's had enough" - because you don't want this to be over. But Bobby has been looking at you real weird since and you're even kinda sorry but he's stopping you from getting back with your girl so he deserves it. We'll fight it out. But then sensei wants him 'out of commission' and like, you worked for this, you know? You and Bobby and the gang and sensei knows best but it doesn't feel good. And you're shocked, shocked at LaRussos pain and shocked that sensei isn't. And Bobby leaves. Bobby can't leave! We're a team! We're the gang! And now you have to hurt him too, and you don't want to, don't want to...

And you lose. And years later you may remember that flicker of respect, release or justice when you hand him the trophy but then sensei does what you've always feared - unleashes his murderous anger on you. Because you lost. Because it was your fault -

Well that must mean it was really his fault. He stole your life from you.

Excuse me if that is indeed near Shakespearian.

Except it's of course not true and even you know it. But the writers present it 'as is', and Ralph succesfully rebelled. That asshole is not Daniel LaRusso. It would have been so interesting if Johnny would have slowly unraveled that in his brain because Daniel's behaviour doesn't compute with what he remembers. And because when he behaves with Robby how sensei taught him it hurts the kid. He doesn't want that. Maybe it's best to stay away. Best block, no be there, right, LaRusso?

If they'd have made that clear, and then he'd found his way back to Daniel, maybe, if only for his son? And maybe he was indeed reclaiming something with karate and the twerp could at least listen to that side, too, OK? And at the beginning of S4 Daniel's helped him reframe what happened (You're alright, LaRusso) and he's going to Robby in Juvie all the time because Daniel fucked up too (ha!), but, still, man keeps coming through, nearly helps kill sensei (dafuq's up with that anyway? Yeah it was badass, sure, but he looked kinda crazed, like Dutch, and didn't Dutch kill a guy?) well anyway, his dojo is as good as the park, and some of that touchy feely stuff is dumb but honestly? It's kinda nice not to have to take every punch! So, things looking good and then - who is that giant? With sensei? And what's up with you, LaRusso? Weren't you all balance and block? Now he looks like a pissed off chihuahua. And then, because Johnny actually listened to Daniel, he understands that this guy is his old sensei? And Daniel trusted him? And the man hurt him? That feels kind of familiar and now, when it isn't him, he explodes. He'll kill that weirdo!

...OK after his ribs heal, but next time!

You'd hardly have to change anything about the plot, you could even keep the "Daniel is too set in his ways" bit, still now, if Robby came back to Johnny it would have been earnt...

But that hinges, painfully, on the writers being willing to admit that Kreese was not misunderstood, but he abused Johnny, and that the whole Be A Man!! rhethoric, at least to some extent, is harmful.

Billy gets it. Billy constantly tries to play it. It's just that the writers saw an underdog with a good father figure and had Kill Bill sirens go off, and are still trying to reclaim that they weren't assholes because being an asshole is badass and their Kreese figure was a good guy the whole time even though their writing shows they know, from experience, that he can't have been. So they constantly make Johnny into and asshole because can't we see being an asshole is good?

Billy, Ralph, even Martin Kove: ...no it isn't.

John Josh and/or Hayden: we are the brilliant writers here!

Ralph (to Billy): I am just so sorry, dude.

P.S. I can just about forgive Daniel besting Terry because he always wins in front of a huge crowd, that's his thing; and Terry had just been through a brutal fight. Barely made it out alive. Tired as all fuck, while Daniel was a fresh as one could hope for given the circumstances.

[yaomomvs]

SEIJOH MANANGER HEADCANONS

seijoh, aoba johsai x reader | slight oikawa, iwaizumi and kunimi x reader.

a/n: ugh! i just love my seijoh boys so much! and so, i decided to make one more headcanons for them, tysm! hopefully i’ll do inarizaki next or maybe karasuno.

a bit long but i just love them,and i will do a part two mainly focusing on while they do volleyball this is more of random things

other seijoh!manager works: one | two

the volume in this bus is ASTRONOMICAL

you actually never thought of joining a club, specially a sports one.

but you needed it, so while looking at the board of the school’s options you were unsure.

“i just really need something not that complicated, and that helps me helping others” you muttered to yourself

little did you know the coach of the volleyball team was there, this nice man turned to you and offered you a place in the team.

“but please if you are one of oikawa’s fangirls dont-” “who now?” you genuinely asked. seeing that you didn’t had a clue of who he was talking about he immediately handed the application for to you.

it was first day and you were already late, but you managed to enter the gym half way practice.

you guys remember that tanaka and kiyoko scene in s4? well it was the same

“sorry for being late coach!” your voice sounded all over the place since someone was serving and it was pretty quiet.

ALL OF THEM WERE SHOCKED LIKE 🧍🏻‍♀️

the serve even hit yahaba’s face because everyone got distracted by your beauty

“i- did i do something?” “existing omg”

the coach lined up everyone and they greeted you welcoming you to the team.

you were flustered because it was like you never had a lot of guys around you and now you had to take care of all of them and also

aoba johsai’s team had one of the most attractive boys around likeeee

now, a year later, the energy is purely chaotic.

and i mean like

kindaichi and kunimi are lowkey the ones who respect you the most

not only because you, even if it was for only a year, you were their upperclassman but also you had presence

when karasuno came to the practice andy oh catched both of them after talking to kageyama in the bathroom, you pinched their ears and scolded them

“you both do that again and i’m not being compassionate” “SORRY Y/N”

but also lowkey your admirers

kunimi literally only showed strong emotions around you

“i brought you some sweets” he regularly says

“oh you are great! thank you kunimi!”you appreciated this guys little details with you

“so you have a favoritism with our manager huh?”

“y/n permission to hit kindaichi”

“permission conceded”

kindaichi also respected you because you, when he entered seijoh months ago, were one of the ones who made him believe and helped getting over that anger he had with his ex teammates and you even assured that kageyama was the reason he got better, even if he wouldn’t accept it

the second years, your literal followers

like seriously yahaba watori were always around you.

being in the same grade and class as both dod not helped a lot.

they are like puppies with anxiety separation

because you are the reason they feel loved and cared for

they always sit next to you in class, and they make sure you are comfortable with it.

you need help with hw? watori always is there

yahaba lets you paint his nails every time you got bored in class

you were such a powerful trio

they always bring your favorite drink in the mornin

you even developed this sixth sense where if you just look at each other you know exactly who are you making fun of without even speaking

you always make fun of the shit way of yahaba to flirt oml

and you even advice him on what should he do or not when meeting someone new.

istg if it was not bc of you he would have never got his first date with his crush

kyoutani later joined you, but he had trouble on trusting you

but seeing all the team laying on you he actually let himself rely on another person for the first time

he was the one who scared those stupid volleyball boys fan girls (oikawa’s or the other guys ones) away from you

he also thinks that you are not bad physically talking and he actually says it but privately

he also whenever he is mad or just frustrated comes to you and what he likes is that you don’t go in deep of the details but instead you try to distract him with random thing you say.

“guys i told you several times” you laughed “i do have other thing to do! it not like i can attend every night out with you! i have other friends too!”

“so, we are not watching cartoons tonight?”

“i hate you all so much” you surrendered “see you at 8 pm”

you became the second years core four

and also they looked up to you a lot, why? because you are the only people who always deals with the third years shit

god i think your connection with the third years was only a bit more noticeable than the second years

why? you were not afraid to mess up with them

to be real iwaizumi as oikawa caught your eye since moment one, they were naturally attractive and talented but you made a promise to not fall for anyone

omg you were so wrong

if it was iwaizumi, he always made sure you felt comfortable around

you were no vb genius so he took the time to explain you a bunch of things you did not know 🥺

also, he’s the kind of guy to stop everyone spiking because you were crossing through the gym so no ball gets you

he is the one who always search for you in school, asked about your day, and stuff that might seem basic but it was really meaningful

like he is the kind of guy who memorizes all your favorite places, treats, music anything and actually tries to get you to talk about it

oikawa on the other hand was the one who actually made you feel like part of them

he is so sweet!

like

oikawa only starts practice when you are there

like bold of someone to start hitting a ball without you there, he considered you part of the team, so he always waited for you

he walked you home or nearby every time he could he wanted you safe

his eyes always always instantly light up and screams “y/n-chan!” and immediately runs to you

but also he is the one who search you the most around

if it was lunch time he went to your home room and literally lunches with you no matter what or who

he never lets anyone lend you their hoodie, it always has to be his that you are wearing

he self crowned himself as your favorite

he hugs you out of nowhere istg is the best feeling ever

hanamaki also also also considers you priority

he is kinda more of the lowkey one, he is mainly the one who checks up on you

he once spotted a bruise in your arm and he immediately freaked out

“DO I HAVE TO FIGHT SOMEONE” “god no! i just dropped a huge book there!”

hanamaki is the one who waits for you in the entrance of the gym to walk with you to practice

he also is the first one to notice if something is wrong with you along with iwachan

they both unintentionally pay attention to you a lot and if you do something out of the common they just approach you

and they are always right

“what’s wrong y/n?” hanamaki says

“yeah, is everything okay you need anything?” iwaizumi continues.

“what do you mean guys? i’m okay” you obviously try to lie.

“no you are not, you are acting different”

“yea iwachan is right you always change yous t shirt before practice and the way you are ordering the volleyballs is off”

“why do know me so well” you indeed had a terrible day, so you almost tear up bb of that and be of how amazing your boys were to you sometimes”

“come here little one”

you heard a pout

“i see you oikawa, you can get a hug too. matsu come here”

matsukawa is your hype man

he loves messing with you like in the big brother sister way

like if a guy asked you out he’d be like “sis you can do so much better”

you are always being salty whether it’s between you or other ones

besides if you do have a crush on anyone on the team matsu is the only one to know

and he’d constantly blackmail you with that

“if you don’t buy me anything from the vending machine i will tell oikawa you actually swoon for him” “OKAY FINE”

“tell the coach that we do not need laps or iwaizumi is gonna knowwwww about” “i hate you so much”

but returning to the point you always messed with them specially the four third years

and you were so good at it

one day, you ‘innocently’ mentioned to the boys “i’m just telling you! i’ve never seen two pretty best friends, one of them always gotta be ugly”

GOD LORD THE BOMB YOU JUST ACTIVATED

THEY SPENT A WHOLE WEEK TRYING TO FUGURE OUT WHO WAS THE PRETTY BEST FRIEND BETWEEN IWA AND OIKAWA, ALSO MATSU AND HANAMAKI AHHAHAHAAH

your third years never made you feel insecure

like if you think idk listening to btr was weird because someone in the past made you feel like it be sure the next day they WILL PLAY FUCKING BIG TIME RUSH IN PRACTICE ONLY FOR YOU TO VIBE WITH THEM

also they all four have this little thought that they have to be the ones who protect you

in the court you looked out for them, outside of it they were the ones who did that

if you were teased or someone even had the audacity to make fun of you it could go three ways

you stoping kyoutani and yahaba because they were so ready to throw hands

matsukawa, hanamaki and kunimi just taking you out of there and rather say positive thinks about you

or oikawa and iwaizumi behind you giving the saltiest and meanest glares to whoever dared talking you that way and saying “and you still wonder why people don’t like you?, ” then iwaizumi says “you are right oikawa, you piece of crap have your entire life to be a jerk. take a day off your stupidity won’t left anyways”

god you sure loved those guys

BUT

as it can be really useful sometimes there were other times were they become so annoying

specially when it’s about someone liking you.

like romantic styles

i live for the idea that the vb team had obviously fangirls, oikawa mostly. but you also did

like yeah the fangirls of oikawa and the boys envied you

but the guys in aoba johsai high envied the volleyball team even more

god bless the poor guy or girl who DARES to ask you out

like please someone stop them 😭

on valentine’s day you came to practice a bit late just because you needed to figure it out how to organize all the fucking love letters and the chocolates and flowers that you got over the day.

oikawa was already worried as he always waited for you to start, and so were the guys so they decided to warm up a bit more to wait.

you crossed the door with thousands of gifts and all of that barely catching the ones which you dropped. because at this point you did not even try to hide it from the boys, you just wanted them to start practice.

he looked at you and knew exactly what that meant. he received this every once in a while, but god what was that feeling in his chest when some other people like you?

iwaizumi felt that too, that weird feeling not wanting anyone to think about you that wayyyyy

the rest of the boys had divided opinions but still you were their manager.

“so did all this came from...”

“yes matsu...”

“okay but for scientific purposes we need the names”

“HANAMAKI NO”

poor boys, they just are all scared that you’ll leave them because of someone

what a dramatic queens they are all

some of them didn’t like it bc they also had a big crush on you

so what they do is that they gatekeep anyone from you

like oml if they ever catched you and a girl or guy and they knew they liked you they constantly beg for your attention.

and it’s not only because they are being dramatic but also because they remember last year when you went out with some random dude and broke your heart like

they almost killed that guy

so they wanted you to feel happy and safe

to them? honestly you are the light of their life.

they dedicate every game to you, they take care of you, they listen to you, they brag about you, they love you

because honestly you did all that for them first

and ever since then they made sure to return that to you.

[kaypeace21]

Will’s fear of clowns

*Ps -not mine. this is a submission from an anon. tw: for s.a. It’s an interesting submission. ANON-please make a tumblr account already . I’m begging you XD

Hi! It’s me, Lonnie Meth Anon. Back with more depressing thoughts about Lonnie!

I just read your post on Jonathan’s ab*se at the hands of Lonnie, and I second it all. It breaks my heart. But it also got me thinking deeper about Will’s fear of clowns. I think you’re right that part of the horror for Will is that the clown attacks in bed. The bed is, obviously, like you say, a common site for s*xual assault. (Doesn’t El’s picture of “three legged Brenner” also have a bed in it? In a picture with not much else?) The fact that Will needed Joyce to sleep with him for a week suggests he was specifically feeling unsafe in bed, or at night. 

But maybe it’s not just the location of the attack in Poltergeist that Will found so harrowing. Maybe it’s the combination of that location with the fact of a clown being the attacker. 

I think Lonnie might have dressed up as a clown for Will’s birthday one year, and something happened. 

In this instance, I don’t think Joyce would know what happened. I think the incident in her mind would be something like “Lonnie dressed up and Will was scared of the costume”. She might even have thought it was cute. Just a typical little kid fear of something mundane. When she teases him about Poltergeist, she doesn’t actually say the movie was the START of his fear of clowns. Just that he was afraid of that particular clown. The general fear of clowns could have been an older one, going back to when Will was even younger.

Maybe Will even liked clowns, before whatever happened with Lonnie turned them into a source of fear for him. Will has a lion plushie (lions are commonly found in the circus) and the circus seems like the kind of vibrant, colorful environment full of outcast, that a young gay kid would really enjoy. If Will did like circuses and Lonnie poisoned that for him, that’s just another reason to hate Lonnie. But it definitely seems possible. 

Lonnie is a deadbeat dad in general, but we’ve seen before that he’s capable of faking the “family man” act in front of Joyce and their neighbors. We’ve also seen that even though he treats Will horribly, he would also try and keep Will on his side with father son bonding activities, like baseball. And Will’s birthday is one of the few occasions Lonnie makes a half-assed kind of effort, even when there’s nothing directly in it for him. He sends that card, even though it’s late. Maybe Joyce made called him up and made him send it, but she always seemed happy to keep Lonnie out of the picture. She didn’t even want to involve him when Will went missing. And we know Jonathan would never try and facilitate more interactions between Lonnie and Will. So it seems like Lonnie did this of his own accord, when he realized he’d missed the day. Kind of weird. And it’s classic abuser behavior, to make contact on an anniversary date, reminding you they exist and you can’t escape them. Reminding you to keep quiet. Or hoping you’ll miss them, remember the “good times” when they made an effort, and let them back into your life. (Ugh.)

So, anyway, back to my theory. Young Will likes circuses, and the Byers family are poor, so they can’t afford to take him to one, or throw him a party at an ice cream parlor or a bowling alley, like other kids. It makes sense that they would have a party at home instead, and that the family themselves might dress up. We know Joyce made Will’s Ghostbusters costume in season two, and a clown is a pretty easy costume. Most of it is just make up. It’s possible the whole thing was Joyce’s idea, and she made the costume, and Lonnie just went along with it to look like a good dad in her eyes. 

Remember how we see Bob (Will’s new father figure) dressing up in costume for Halloween? Joyce loves it. This is a thing good dads do, to have fun with their kids. That’s also the same episode we see Will scared by a guy in a clown costume, and Jonathan is hyper-protective of him that night. School is okay, but he doesn’t want him trick or treating. (Like he knows that school is a safe environment, but in other contexts, costumes and parties might be a trigger for Will.) Jonathan is convinced to leave Will and “let him have fun” and what happens? The clown attacks. Later that night Jonathan goes to a costume party himself, where he finds Nancy upset and takes her safely home.  Maybe this is how Will’s birthday party ended - with Jonathan finding Will upset, and trying to comfort him. The whole night could be playing out like a parallel to that birthday party, from Jonathan’s perspective. 

What actually happened with Will and Lonnie is up for debate. It’s possible there was a s*xual assault, and that’s why the clown scene in Poltergeist was such a trigger for Will. Or maybe Lonnie thought circuses weren’t “manly” enough for his son to like, and actively tried to scare Will, so he wouldn’t like them anymore. It’s hard to know. Something would have happened though, and probably something pretty formative, because the fear of clowns lasts a long time. 

Something else interesting is that when Mr Clarke is talking about the Upside Down in season one, he uses the metaphor of the flea and the acrobat. Acrobats are a main act in the circus, and, well … fleas. Flea circuses. That’s a thing. Maybe it’s a hint that the trauma that created the Upside Down was circus / clown - related?

Kali, El, and their gang wear clown masks too, when they’re going to confront their childhood trauma, and the child-like Alexei is surrounded by clowns when he is killed at the fair. 

Clowns are just so associated with birthday parties and little kids, that it doesn’t seem like a coincidence to me they’re Will’s biggest fear. Especially as the show keeps dropping hints about Lonnie and Will’s birthday. It feels like there’s more to the story. I have a horrible feeling SOMETHING happened. 

RESPONE (kaypeace):

I think it’s very possible-that maybe he did dress as a clown for Will’s birthday and something happened. We have alexi (paralleled to Will) playing carnival games with kids. Then he's attacked by the Lonnie-look alike : and alexi looks at his wound then stares at all the clowns laughing around him. Joyce and Murray find Alexi bleeding/dy*ng next to a clown statue. As joyce looks in horror and Murray says to her, he was “only gone for a second” (which sounds like something you’d say in relation to a kid you were supposed to watch-running off ). We also had sarah at age 7 die while wearing a gown with clowns on it (Will: it was a 7 the demogorgan it got me). Death of innocence symbolism? Hopper also describes his depression as a cave- he goes through the carnival ride where it mentions a "cave of horrors", which had decor of a tiger and a clown painting. So yeah... whatever happened probably isn't good. So- there may be some symbolism there in relation to Will’s past. Not only because (like I and you have mentioned before) Lonnie is highly associated with birthdays. And canonically we know he mentally scarred jonathan on his b-day. But also, s4’s ‘victor creel’ may be an easteregg to the xmen character victor creed- who had a tradition of tra*matizing family members specifically on their bdays

As another alternative:I could also totally see Lonnie “ruining” circuses for Will because it’s not “manly” to him. Like how Jonathan liked thumper the rabbit-from the film bambi. in the film, Thumper is bambi’s bff, and the hunters are the bad guys who k*ll Bambi’s mother and terrorize all the wildlife. SO yeah- making Jonathan become a hunter, and k*ll a rabbit ,despite this fact, is really messed up. And shows Lonnie has already tried to ‘ruin’ things the boys like. By mentally scarring them in one way or another…

I also mentioned how Will’s bday could even be a trigger for jonathan in a diff post.

if the s4 bts calender hinting it’ll be near Will’s bday and easter it could be relevant to Jonathan.we know in s1 el has tra*matic flashbacks when seeing certain things- coke, closet, cat, etc. And Will in s2 has his ‘anniversary effect’ where memories flood back based on the time of year.But like … Easter has bunnies - could seeing rabbits jog stuff up for Jonathan? El seeing a cat made her have a flashback of brenner trying to make her kill a cat. Would Jonathan seeing like Easter bunny decor jog up a flashback of lonnie making him kill a rabbit? (It happened on his bday too). So Will’s b day being around easter would only fuel that memory. (heck even popped balloons may trigger gunshot symbolism idk). And then for Will there is clowns that could be a tr*gger at a party.

The flea and the acrobat analogy (in relation to Will and circuses is very interesting) and could be foreshadowing- it’s even a title for an episode so I feel like it’s narratively an important hint to …something. similar to a s1 ep being called “the bathtub”.  Also, Will was compared to a circus flea- which were placed in an enclosed space, where heat was applied as they jumped  and tried to escape the increasing temperatures as they burned .Which could relate to my theory about Will having a se*zure due his body overheating due to Lonnie injecting him with m*th.

 If Will’s bday is in s4- I feel like Lonnie will come back in some capacity (flashback or literally). The ‘sorry, I forgot you b day’ card from Lonnie in s2, in Lonnie’s shed Joyce mentioning Will’s b day, the rainbow ‘happy birthday cup’ placed next to Will at Mike’s -while Will explains the supernatural, Lonnie already tra*matizing Jonathan on his bday, etc…

[ackermanshoe]

Edited lmao: warning this is kinda pointless and alot of farfetched theory and a veryyy long post please read at your own risk 🤡

Edit again: my analysis when I started it 1 month ago: 👩‍💼🖨️📇✒️🖋️✏️

My post now: 🤡🤡🤡🕯️🕯️🤡

Edit: I started writing this like ages ago but I don't see my own point with this writting and I'm editing it after reading @nini14 's Ackerman breaking the cycle analysis and I feel like both of these go hand in hand. So without further ado:

Triangles

Let's see as we all are made aware that aot significantly revolves around trios of friends such as the following :

Although these are the main trios that is noticeable, other trios can be made out by taking some characters from their original trios to make trios based on looks / character and dynamics. And this is where my argument comes in with this trio:

Their dynamic has always been mother father and son. Now let me explain, idk if anyone has heard about the drama triangle but here

These terms can be applied to MLE trio, Levi being the persecutor, Mikasa is the rescuer and the victim being Eren. In the first 3 seasons at least, Eren was being taken away and his decisions constently put him in danger, Levi being the persecutor who always gives Eren what he deserves for being a pain the ass and Mikasa being the rescuer always siding with Eren and protecting him no matter what. Do you see it?

This is Mikasa to a T.

The following is an example of the dad being the rescuer and the son "junior" being a victim, and much like Eren, could possibly refuse the hand that is helping him.

So that being said now that we have an understanding of their dynamics in the relationship, let's get back to understanding a triangle. Did you know triangles are one of the strongest shape because it has three sides that rely on each other hence shifting their energies on to each side and it makes the perfect shape for a bridge, architectures favourite. Why am I tell you this?

Because these dynamics that every trio is made up of in aot is because they have strong relationships.

Someone mentioned isayama loves putting move triangles and I couldn't help but agree, look at how many times he has placed Eren historia and an angry Mikasa? And subtly he has always ( to me at least) hinted the love triangle between Levi Mikasa and Eren, outside of their father-mother-son dynamic. Personally this makes sense to me the most, fueled by mikasa's dream. A choice was there to make and she unknowingly chose Levi.

Now this brings me to the death of all the trios Levi has been part of, from Isabel & Farlan to hanjo & Erwin to where we are now. Our situation before S4 was EMA+Levi = 4 people but we all know that a square isn't as strong as a triangle so something shifted. Eren, even with him in it Armin and him were more connected as for Levi and Mikasa as a pair it was more obvious. Especially in the conversation EMA had in that stare place as depicted on @gilly-bj 's analysis on similarities between rivamika and Mika's parents. Not only was Mikasa placed directly next to Levi although being feets apart in reality but her lines "another conversation only you two understand" it. Visually and verbally divided Mikasa from Eren and Armin and connected her to Levi. Both alone.

Yet another triangle placed by isayama intentionally or not is Armin Mikasa and Levi.

Because a triangle represents the process of recycle and reuse it also represent the cycle of life, an on going thing that doesn't stop, a history that repeats itself. And going back to Ackerman finally breaking this cycle of tragic fate, will they?

The fact that the whole manga series start at chapter 0 is very suspicious in it self. Why does it isyamaa? A 0, a circle that comes back around? A 0 which represents both the ending and the beginning? Why is the 1st chapter called "to you, 2000 years from now"? ( That's such a fucking impactful chapter name gives me chills )

Before my theory start I just wanna add that the story started from a narrative perspective makes me wanna believe in rivamika even more. Did eldians share the same fate in 2000 years? Who knows, but I know for sure Erens and mikasa's dynamic as the impulsive hotheaded doer and their protective calm but strong friend thinker will continue forever just like the never ending triangles.

I forgot all these ppls names on chaoter 0 so PLS bare with me.

The main dude who heavily resembles Mikasa even tho he is a man, has a incredible power just like the Ackerman's as a human AND he can shift into a titan???? Last time I checked weren't Ackerman's the bio product of titans? Remember is science is on a ongoing journey and forever progressing towards the impossible ;)

Hmmm

The little girl who resembles Gabi, who has the same dynamic as Eren, the girl also looks up to his inhumanly powers, a little too much alike Eren's idolisation of Levi ( and looking up to Mikasa's strength I think )?

Lastly, chapter 0 makes me believe it was set in the future. Look at the buildings, 2 story buildings I don't remember seeing buildings like this in the pre time skip era have you? I could be wrong tho.

If Isayama is as smart as we think he is then he might have related this chapter to the whole plot of aot. 🤷 Or it could mean something. And here's where my theory comes in and it may not be the most favourable for eldians. Let me start with the good part tho, the guy who looked like Mikasa is could be a descendant from the Ackerman clan, but he isn't half and half like Mikasa and Levi, he's full blooded. Which might be why he has the power to shift ( idk this kinda don't make sense since Mikasa and Levi can't buy hush )

So let's say rivamika got married had a family they always wanted and had the peaceful life and 2000 years from then this guy^ existed. Oddly familiar to great great great grammakasa 💀💀.

The cycle never ended for eldians, the whole world could still be mad at them for Erens action and has the prejudice against them for a long time. And the fact that they can shift is never going to change even 2000 years in the future. And the guy ( omg I keep calling him the guy cause I literally can not be bothered figuring out his name ) who lives in a far more developed society with richer civilization within the wall. It could be possible that Ymir or someone erased the eldians memories ONCE AGAIN after the rumbling ended. Because Mikasa levi weren't effected they probably were excused and got to live as they pleased. This dude is also the reason why I believe isayama does not consider the Ackerman's as side characters at all. In the end the story might have actually started with them, alluding to "the ending is just the beginning" as said by kingsama himself. ( Wtf am I saying lol )

So yeah in conclusion as I said yes story is weirdly really influenced by a large amount of triangles and loops. And yes ackerman probably would break the cycle of death after all living through hell fighting hell all for what? If not recreating into a heaven, giving it new life. I do believe in rivamika living the life they are destined for with each other but eldians fate might just be too tragic for me to see them as truly free people who gets to roam around outside the walls as they please.

I guess my point is that everything that goes around will come around, that will bring good karma for the Ackerman's and maybe a repeation of the past for the rest of the world. 😩😩 I think I fully somehow believe Eren is gone for good. Unless isayama draws him waking up from a long dream on his bed then 💀👀👀 I will throw myself away.

Thank you for reading 💞 once again I'm so sorry this post isn't as good as I'd like it to be I am sleep deprived right now and it isn't worded as well as of like it to be. But hope my delulu ness was enjoyable at least. ✌️💀

[chicoriii]

Season 4, Episode 23 - Kuro Neko

I enjoyed that over two months break a lot, because it also meant a break from being annoyed by that disaster which is season 4 of Miraculous. Really, it has some nice moments, but personally I'd love to throw its whole script in a dumpster, since there's no a single thing I would miss, because everything good this season is not even nearly as good as the worst things are bad. And now this show makes me pissed off again. When I heard what it's about, I felt I wanted that break to be even longer. Or season 4 to be over. That would be even better.

I had to stop watching it at 2:42, because I feel I need a break and write beginning of this post along the way, since I could not stand it. Geez, I'm more and more doubt that the writers are knowing what they are doing and they are taking writing this show seriously. They give us more and more evidences they don't give a shit about consistency. In the episode which is exactly just before Kuro Nero in the order, that's been shown that Chat Noir is irreplaceable, but on the otter hand, it's completely ignoring the whole Ladynoir drama. In this one they suddenly remembered that that stupid conflict exists, but they completely ignore what's happened in Ephemeral. Is that episode even canon, because it felt more like a bad fanfic placed completely randomly in the timeline than anything (my current opinion about Ephemeral is even worse than my first thoughts written just after watching it)? Or just Marinette isn't learning anything? That's isn't new to be fair, after Hack-san (now I'm sure that's the worst episode of this show ever created), she's still refusing telling him anything.

But that's not even the reason why I needed to take a break, that's something even worse. The beginning of Kuro Neko feels to me like a parody of Ladynoir conflict, as much as Truth is a parody of a relationship (I don't even say a parody of Lukanette since I could not take it seriously even for a moment) or in every single scene with Chloé in season 4, I feel she is parody or herself. In Kuro Neko, Ladybug is even more disrespectful and neglecting than ever, even without Rena being there and stealing all her attention like before. Marinette just didn't care. Didn't care at all. Chat Noir is not more that just a tool for her. She isn't even trying to lie that he is someone more than every other Miraculous holder. The fandom can't defend her shit anymore, that she cares about him but she's just traumatized by Chat Blanc. That was purely fanom assumption from the start, that was never a thing, but the fandom treats it like a confirmed fact. She just isn't seeing him as her partner. Then if the show claims she is a great guardian, why Chat is still a permanent Miraculous holder? Like I said before, a permanent hero kept completely in the dark could be potentially extremely dangerous. Amazing guardian like her is not wise enough to see that? How is that possible? So for safety reasons, he should get his Miraculous only when the power of the cat is needed. Or Marinette should give it to Alya, since she is the only person Marinette treats like a partner who is involved in her plans and everything. I'm losing more and more patience to that bullshit. I'm starting see season 4 as a parody of Miraculous. Since they even could turn the story arc which is supposed to be the most dramatic one ever into a parody of itself.

Okay, everything above was what I've written before Adrien decided to give up. Now I know it quickly became more angsty, but I still can't take that seriously. Sorry, even sad Adrien scenes are not able to make me feel something. I still see this shit as a parody that makes the Love Square even more unbelievable than ever. If she really cared about him as a human being, this scenario would have no rights to happen. At this point, I don't only believe that Marinette loves him, I can't believe that she even likes him a bit.

They only made her even more annoying, I already disliked S4 Marinette, I hardly tolerate her in this episode. She is not even able to see anything wrong in her, everything is only Chat's fault. :/ She can't see that's not only the problem with his love. The way she treats him would be hurting even without romantic love being involved, no matter who is the cat Miraculous wielder. That's not the point!!! Anyone who is forgotten and ignored all over again would be pissed off . People are hurt when they are underestimated in their job even if they hate their boss.

And Plagg isn't helping her at all. If Marinette is too stupid to understand his cheesy metaphors, why would not say something more simple like to 5 years old: "You made him feel useless, it has nothing to do with his love". Of course, he can't do it, because then the episode would end too quickly.

They really want to make the fandom hate Marinette? Is this their goal? I really don't understand why they made the protagonist as much unlikable. It's not only the problem with her attidute towards Chat. Generally, her ego became way too big since she's the guardian. And the fact that no one is even trying to question any of her decisions (minus Su-Han but he barely appears and even if, he never points out her ACTUAL mistakes, instead of his imagined ones) isn't helping at all.

Plagg: "She still loves my owner" - No, she isn't. If she loved him, she would not forget about him that easily in the first place. She would look forward to spend time with him, she would not neglet him, she would not refuse telling him everything and so on.

I'm at 11:09 now and I need another break, as I'm pissed off again. Geez, even Plagg's plan made me sick: "If you became a new Chat Noit everything will be okay". It's like he thinks that Marinette never appreciated the old Chat Noir. That Adrien is the only problem. He needs to change to be accepted. He can't be his Chat self. Like there was no enough disappointment this season, they even ruining my Plagg. I think it would be healthier for Adrien to give up on being a superhero completely (now it makes him totally miserable, but with time he could deal with it, he still have school and his friends, he isn't as much alone as pre-Origins), but of course it's not gonna happen, so then Plagg should do everything to make Marinette realise that she made him feel useless and unwanted. Not forcing him to change to please her. It's not going to change the core of the problem. Plagg totally disappointed me in this episode. I expected him being angry at Ladybug and trying to fight like a lion for him. But not, Plagg just makes him convince he's not enough, he needs to be better to be worthy of Ladybug's attention. Plagg is literally like Gabriel now to him, just nicer. Before this episode I thought that the only reason why I wanted Adrien to be Chat is Plagg. Now I'm not sure. Thank you, season 4, the only thing in which you doesn't stop being successful is ruining the show to me more and more.

Ladybug: "This time, no improvising. The rules will be clear from the beginning. I'll be strict with him from now on!" Seriously? Another evidence that Ladybug has double standards. The rules do not apply to Alya, she lets her whatever she wants. And you people still think that Alya isn't unfairly favoured by her just because she's her best friend who knows her identity? I don't mean Marinette should be strict or severely punishes for her mistakes, but she should draw a line and reminds her who is the actual guardian. Like in Optigami, she should have said that Alya is not allowed to take any of the Miraculous without the consent of the guardian. You can't even say that Alya has done it for a noble reason, she has done it because the turtle user is her boyfriend. More, she got rewarded, despite her selfish action! So no wonder that Alya feels that she can do anything she wants just because she is close to Ladybug, she would never suffer consequences of her reckless and selfish actions even if something would go bad, as long as they win at the end of a day.

Maybe it's because English isn't my first language but Cat Walker sounds totally stupid to me. The most idiotic hero\villain name ever. But maybe for native English speakers that's a fine name, I don't know. They will have to name him completely differently in the Polish dubbing. I have no idea if he has a different name in the French original, as I haven't seen this form mentioned on the French Wiki page of Adrien. I hope it's, so I could use it instead of Cat Walker (sorry, I cringe every time I see it) if I would ever discussing about him more in the future. His design is okay, but I dislike the hair, that looks somewhat plastic and its greenish-yellow color is so ugly.

Cat Walker: "Until we are sure about if it is a sentimonster or a person, we can't act impulsively" See? Sentimonsters' related things what Thomas Astruc says on Twitter are not ever consistent with his own show. Adrien clearly says that sentimonsters are not persons. Akumatised people would be treated like persons, even if they look like a giant piggy bank in the shape of a cat, but sentimonsters are not, even if they look like real people. So if any of the "normal" character is a sentimonster (not only Adrien, anyone), it would not make any sense. That theory is so dumb and it would always be even if it's true.

"I didn't understood that he was hurt", blah, blah, blah, . Sorry the writers but I don't buy that shit anymore. It's been shown that Ladybug had been constantly ignoring him and forgetting about him. She had done a shit when he hadn't shown in several akuma battles. There's no way she would not notice it, she would not realize that something is wrong with him. I've seen people defending her, because she doesn't know his civilian life, so she can't know that he's a neglected child. But really, she doesn't need to know it to see that she treats him like a shit for a long time. Like I said above, everyone would be hurt in a such situation, even if their home life is perfect. You don't need to be extremely sensitive to feel useless and unwanted. You just need to be a normal sentient living being. And it's not even like Chat Noir being sensitive is a completely new concept to her. She's seen he is sensitive ages ago in Glaciator! In season 2! And no one had pointed that out, no Alya, no Tikki, no another Kwami. Sorry, but your Ladynoir drama doesn't make any sense if they are supposed to be in love with each other. It went way too far before. In this episode it was even worse. There's no believable excuse. I can't buy any of her words, since her actual actions say something absolutely opposite. She already said more than once that he is irreplaceable and what? Nothing.

And of course Adrien defended her. This is why I say that working with Ladybug is not healthy to him. He loves her blindly to the point he is saying that treating him like a doormat is okay. This boy doesn't need to be a superhero, he needs therapy. I don't believe anymore that Marinette will learn this lesson. She hasn't learnt anything this season. Why would I believe this time be different? For now she is only saying that Chat Noir is needed, she isn't showing it in her actions. So it would be so naive to say that Ladynoir is going to be only better from now. There were more episodes in which she was supposed to learn that she needs to appreciate him more and it hasn't changed her attitude towards him even a little.

At the end it looked like Plagg had a plan from the start that perfect Chat would not work, but what if it was? What if Ladybug would fall in love with the "perfect" Chat and she would not want the old one to come back? Maybe now it looked better, but it's still far-fetched. I still disliked Plagg in this episode.

I also wasn't able to enjoy that Ladybug was totally incompetent for the most of the time and Adrien suddenly become the brains of the operation. Because the whole Ladynoir drama is just terrible written from the beginning and because it was like they suggest that he can be a thoughtful hero only when he isn't his natural Chat self.

Besides, I don't buy that Gabriel was fine that Adrien has a bad day and he doesn't want to go to school. It's completely out of character to him. He always expect nothing less that perfection from Adrien. His son is not allowed to have a bad day, he needs to be perfect all the time. He should have go to his room and reprimand him, even punish him. That's what Gabriel would do if the writers would care about consistency.

This episode has fine elements (I liked the Kuro Neko design a lot and if the whole situation wasn't that much fucked up, I would enjoy the battle), so it's not even nearly as bad as Hack-san. But this is still full of typical season 4 bullshit. From things I haven't mentioned yet, Shadow Moth didn't even seem to notice that there's a different cat Miraculous user out of nowhere and he isn't wondering what's happening. Just like with Scarabella, like it was a normal thing that ying and ying heroes are getting replacements. Especially that Ladybug called the sentimonster Chat Noir, which obviously means that he have gotten replaced, that there's a conflict between them. Shadow Moth could make a use of it if he wasn't regularly dumbed down. But yeah, seeing how much incompetent sometimes Ladybug is this season, the plot armor also needs to be stronger. So he isn't going to successfully using any of things she is giving him on a silver platter. What a pathetic supervillain.

[spinchip]

i mean. the prompt I've got in my head is like. a lil bit zangsty but, zane being rebuilt post s4 make me wonder if he can like. actually remember stuff about what happened early on. maybe the og four are reminiscing about some of their early days, and zane can't relate because zane can't remember? like. all those memories were p much lost for good after s3... makes me think

A/n: 1150 words. this was fun!

“Hey.” Kai says, knocking on Zanes door. It’d been open, the invitation extended to anyone who wished to see him, but Kai still lingers in the doorway.

Zane blinks up from where he's been sitting on top of his bed, bookmarking the page he’s been on and setting the book he’d been flipping through aside, “Hello, Kai.” He smiles, though faintly, as he registers the expression on his face, “Is something wrong?” he sits up a little straighter, swinging his legs over the side of his bed.

Kai hesitates, shaking his head, “No- well, it’s just… I’m really glad you’re back.” He admits, stepping into the rooms.

“Oh.” Zane says faintly, instantly forcing down the Overlord's memory before it can snap to the front of his mind, “I’m glad to be back as well.”

Kai sits heavily on the edge of the bed, close enough for their legs to touch, “I… had a lot of time to think about things, after…” He doesn’t finish that sentence, licking his lips.

“What were you thinking about?” Zane carefully avoids any mention of his death.

“About when the Monastery burned down.” He admits, “The things I said… I just kept thinking about how I never said sorry. I know you said I didn’t need to, but I think you deserve it. From me.” He takes a deep breath, straightens up and squares his shoulders, and speaks with the most conviction he can muster, “I’m really sorry about what I said, Zane… and I’m sorry about the way I treated you. You’re one of my best friends.” He says earnestly.

Zane nods, taking the weight of Kais words. He smiles gently, reaching out to squeeze Kais shoulder reassuringly, “I forgive you, my friend.”

With the apology passed on, Kai seems lighter, smiling brilliantly at his teammate before throwing his arm around him in a tight side-hug. “You’re the best, Zane!”

“I know.” Zane smiles, returning the embrace.

Kai sighs easy, and as the silence stretches he seems to grow a bit more awkward, “Well, I didn't mean to interrupt! I’ll leave you to your book.” he nods to the leather bound book Zane had been studying, standing up with a clap of his hands, “I’ll see you around lunch, yeah?”

“I’m making grilled cheese sandwiches.” Zane confirms, Kai fist pumps as he heads out the door.

Zane hums, sitting back on his bed once again. He picks up his fathers journal and scans the pages slowly, letting his fathers looping handwriting and intricately scribbled doodles fill in the gaps in his mind, memories contextualizing in his head, and tries not to let it bother him.

It was easy for Zane to forgive Kai for whatever rash words he’d thrown against him.

He... didn’t ever remember that happening, anyway.

_______________

He remembers most things, it’s not all been lost when he died. He remembers meeting Master Wu for the first time, he remembers dressing in all black and ambushing Kai that night, he remembers giving Pixal his heart. There’s a lot of little memories in between, smaller things, the day-to-day that still makes its home in his head. He barely remembers his father, those memories damaged long before the overlord, unable to survive past that trauma.

He finds, quite unexpectedly, that he has no memory of the first time he met Jay Walker.

He has the memory of before, Walking up those endless stair with Master Wu (who had been trying to hide how he was looking at Zane, impressed at how he didn’t even seem winded on their way up) and after, When Jay had led him over to the living room to introduce him to Cole. the time between was blank, a record-skip in his mind, the scene transitioning sharply past the moment he first laid eyes on his future friend.

Once he discovers it’s missing, he thinks about it a lot. He wonders what Jay had said to him, what he had said to Jay? Would the boy have commented on his lack of belongings? Would Zane have explained why?

Zane consults another memory. Jay didn’t know he was an orphan. Then what would he have said, when they first met? Jay was anything but unmemorable, how could Zane forget?

He thinks about asking sometimes, or prodding and picking delicately until Jay volunteers the information himself, or even waiting for it to come up in conversation naturally. It never does, really, not in a way that would satisfy the burning itch.

He doesn’t tell him because it would hurt his feelings to know Zane had forgotten him, probably.

He doesn’t really know Jay all that well. Or maybe he did. Was supposed to?

(how many memories is he missing?)

_______________

He’d accepted on Chen's island he wasn’t the white ninja, he’s conquered that fear. He was the titanium ninja, and that was fine, really. He was still Zane, probably, just a different version. He doesn’t want to drag on this existential crisis any longer, so he shuts the door on it and washes his hands of it. He is who he is, Pixal helped him figure that out.

And Cole, too, but Zane would never tell him that.

It’s just that, when he’d been all alone down there in that dungeon, and Pixal had coaxed the shattered and splintered pieces of himself back together, his memory had been… it had been damaged beyond repair long before then, really, he could accept this now. Things had been lost for good. He knew lots of stuff abstractly, that he was a ninja, that he lived in Birchwood Forest at some point, that he had lots of friends and lots of enemies- but there was a disconnect he couldn’t describe, a distance he never told Pixal about.

A chasm made all the more apparent when Cole peeked through those bars and Zane... didn’t recognize him.

But the thing that settles the spiraling, unsettling identity crisis in his chest is that Cole recognizes him.

“You’re alive!” Cole says so confidently that Zane instantly believes it’s true, that there’s no way he couldn’t be the man Cole recognizes, “And you’re silver?”

He can match the face and the voice, he can understand that it’s Cole and commit that to memory, but he didn’t understand who he was looking at the moment he saw him based on the hole riddled, damaged program he’d been working off of now.

“Titanium.” He corrects, and there’s a dissonance with the face in his files and the one before him, “Cole, you look white.” He comments, and Cole just smiles and laughs and says a lot of things about getting Zane home.

The distance in his head closes when Cole calls him lug nut, and the memories are suddenly his again, within his grasp, Cole the one piece of the puzzle he needed to kick-start his code back into working order. His life snapping back into reality instead of a nebulous, intangible thing shaped around him.

This is his secret, not even Pixal had realized what happened, and she’d been in his head. He doesn’t want anyone to know.

It’s fine now, anyway. He can always make more memories.

_______________

“Hey, Zane, do you remember when-”

Probably not.

[sophsun1]

I’m totally with you on the pink posse arc. So violent + made dealing with the bashing worse + never mentioning it again like wtf I was so confused the first time I watched it + sexualising it like ew! did we really need that? where did it bring us?

((and also about the violence, in 2x19 I think there’s another scene that I’ve always despised, when Brian knows he’s seeing someone and throws him to the ground and then says “go get a shower. you stink.” I don’t find that hot, only too aggressive cause he’s clearly mad at him idk it makes me uncomfortable))

btw this never-mentioning-it-again thing made me realize that we haven’t got a “breakup talk” either… when they could really use one… and not dismiss it like it never happened, first the chicken soup and literally their next scene is in bed (i know we get a small talk in 4x10 of Brian telling him how shit he feels bc of cancer, but they don’t ever get to talk about the cause of their breakup that it’d be interesting to plumb? ok I’m a bit disappointed)

so s4 lacked at least two proper big talks for me

anyway yeah! don’t get me wrong I love s3 it’s my favorite season be gay do crimes arc is also my favorite and i agree with everything you said about it except for their breakup era that I don’t particularly enjoy lolz. in s4, however, apart from the pink posse arc I loved Justin I’m so proud of him growing into this witty strong committed proud adult standing by what he says and standing up to Brian after being kicked out . I honestly loved that for him even if as you say this development begins in s3 . And I guess always referring to brian as his boyfriend/lover, more than I remembered actually, and declaring his love e.g. “I just want you to know that I love you. and I’ll be here when you get back”, also felt pretty special to me

(sorry this is not a proper question lol but I like discussing britin with you)

Hey anon!

Don't worry I love discussing britin and hearing other people's thoughts and it's very rare to able to as the tag is so dead 😅

Yeah the pink posse was just an overall terrible plotline which never resolved Justin's trauma over the bashing but instead made it worse.

Okay I don't feel that way about 2x19 at all it doesn't come across as a violent scene to me. The context is that they're kissing and making out with each other. They're both pulling each other's clothes off and at the point where Justin's on the floor, Brian doesn't "throw him down" at all. I rewatched it and he actually puts his hand behind Justin's back and places him down because Justin thinks they're going to sleep together. It probably was filmed that way with Justin on the floor because they wanted the shot of Brian's face up close delivering the have a shower line.

Talking about their breakups is something I've also said before and I agree with you it's disappointing we never get it. By the time we get to season five and they've been through a few by now and they never have a real deep relationship talk. About the reasons why they broke up, what they both want from each other going forward and why it will be different this time. For me it's most glaring after 5x10 and the engagement I would think that's the most important time to have a meaningful conversation.

I know a lot of people won't be fans of the breakup era but for me it just makes an otp overall more enjoyable because you get the pining and the angst and all that deliciousness plus Brian kinda deserved to lose him to know how much he loved him. Justin was so supportive and patient with Brian in the episode when he goes to Ibiza even though he's so confused he still reassures him he loves him etc which makes it all the more painful when he throws him out in 4x08.

[multifandomwriter56]

Filling in His Place

A/N: This was a request. Also it’s for @sdavid09​ Tale Teller’s 2020 Bingo Challenge.

Square Filled: Follower Prompt

Request by anon: Hey hun! I was wondering if I could request a Shelby!reader where she is Finn’s twin but she is treated the same way as him and she gets in trouble???? Xxxx (I hope this meets your expectations, love)

Summary: Tommy’s done with his sister’s antics and Y/n’s done with pretending her brother will ever be the same.

Characters: Tommy Shelby x Sister!Reader

Warnings: language, angst, spoilers for S4 and S5 (barely)

Word Count: 1,488

(Gif is by @el-cheung​)

Y/n loves being a twin. Always having someone the same age as her growing up has made being a Shelby much easier. Finn and her have always been troublemakers; and as they get older, they got into even more trouble.

Tommy used to be able to control the twins, but since he started playing politician, the responsibility fell onto their aunt.

Y/n does feel guilty for stressing their aunt out as much as they do.

The last time they trashed the Garrison, Polly had decided enough was enough and split them up for the time being.

Y/n, unfortunately, drew the short straw so to speak and was sent to the Arrow House.

She had only been there five minutes when Tommy had call her into his office and gave her a lengthy lecture on acting like an adult.

She almost left right then, but she decided spending some time with her niece and nephew would be good. Besides Lizzie, the two children hardly ever saw family;especially Charlie. When her brother and Lizzie would fight, Lizzie would take her and Ruby to Arthur’s place; leaving Charlie behind. 

***

One morning she decided she was done with staying in her brother’s mansion and decided to head back to Small Heath.

She stole Tommy's car and was planning on picking up her twin; but when she arrived, he was gone.

Apparently Finn was in London with Arthur for the day.

She thought about going back to the house, but she figured she might as well enjoy her freedom while she still can. She has a feeling, Tommy won't be so forgiving this time.

So she heads to the Garrison for a few drinks. Since John died, it seems like none of her family really goes to the pub anymore besides Finn. Even now, Y/n feels a sadness flow over her as she makes her way to the bar.

“Y/n?”

“Hey Harry, give me bottle of rum.”

“Sorry Y/n, I can’t. Tommy said-”

“Fuck my brother, give me the damn bottle or I’ll get two, and I’ll smash one over your fucking skull.”

Harry weighs in his options. Deal with an angry Shelby now or later. He decides to go with the former. He turns his back on the young woman before turning back to face her with the bottle in his hand. 

Y/n smiles sweetly but the man easily sees the sadistic nature in her eyes. Just like her brothers.

“Thanks, Harry.” 

Harry waits about ten minutes after Y/n left before picking up the phone. When he receives no answer, he tries the next best. 

“Hello.”

“Hey Arthur, I need you to give Tommy a message.”

***

“You’re fucking crazy, Y/n Shelby.”

Johnny Dogs’ words has the youngest Shelby giggling loudly, almost falling off the black stallion Tommy gave Johnny years ago. 

“I rather be crazy than fucking normal.” She tips the bottle back, frowning when she barely gets a drop. She slides down off the stallion. “We need more rum.” She announces as she throws the bottle in the air, smiling when it crashes to the ground, shattering into pieces. 

“Y/n Shelby!”

“Fuck.” Y/n whispers. She searches around the wooded area with her eyes to try and find the best place to hide. Her gaze lands on an amused Johnny and her eyes instantly narrow. “Did you fucking snitch?”

Johnny’s eyes widen as he shakes his head. “I-I’ve been with you the whole time.”

“Huh, that’s true.” Hearing footsteps getting closer, Y/n remembers she was trying to escape. 

She takes about two steps before a strong hand grips around her forearm. “Just remember I’m drunk, you can’t yell at me.” She giggles but immediately stops when her eyes finally meet her brother’s. 

Tommy grins at his little sister, the same sadistic nature clouding his own eyes. “You want me to wait until you’re fucking sober, eh?”

Y/n is regretting her words. “No, Tommy, wait!” She tries to pull out of her brother’s grasp as he pulls her towards the pond. “Don’t you fucking dare!” She shouts when Tommy pulls her up into his arms. She tries to grip his coat, but being in the drunken state that she is, she’s not able to grip the material tight enough.

The sadistic grin stays until Y/n stops cursing and calms down. Once he has her attention, he drops any sign of amusement and his eyes narrow. “Feel better?”

“No.” Y/n sasses before pulling herself out of the water. 

Tommy points in the general direction he came from. “Go to the fucking car.”

“Which one?” She taunts.

“Mine. The one you stole.”

“Borrowed.” She mumbles, but scurries away when Tommy takes two threatening steps towards her. She gets lost twice; the alcohol still running through her veins is making her brain fuzzy. 

She screams when someone taps her shoulder.

“Bloody hell, Y/n.” Tommy snaps as he motions for her to follow him.

***

The ride to her brother’s house is dead silent. 

Y/n tries to flee up the stairs, but Tommy quickly snatches her arm in a firm grip.

"Not so fucking fast, young lady." He growls in her ear as he pulls her into his office, pushing her just enough to force her to sit on the couch.

"Stop fucking pushing me around!" She snaps.

Tommy points a warning finger mere inches from her face. "Watch the tone."

Y/n bites her lip to keep herself from pissing her brother off even more.

Slightly mollified with her silence, Tommy drops the pointed finger. "If you keep on like this, Y/n, I'm locking you in your fucking room until I find a man to marry you off to."

Y/n's jaw slacks open, hoping she heard her brother wrong. "You're not picking who I marry, asshole. Yes, I would love your blessing when I want to get married; but, as of now, I'm happy being alone. I'm barely of age, still have a few years before I even think about crossing that bridge."

Tommy had instantly regretted his words. He didn't really mean them... well, he didn't mean the part of marrying his baby sister off. Locking her in her room seems to be his only option right now.

"I'm not a child, Tom."

"Then stop fucking acting like one!" He roars, the last string holding his temper snaps. "Fuck, Y/n, every time I see you now, you're in some kind of trouble. You and Finn aren't kids anymore."

"It's not my fault that the only time you want to see your kid siblings is when they're making you look bad!" Y/n snaps back; her hurt and anger from being ignore for so long spilling from her mouth. "You used to want to be around Finn and I. Now you only see us when Arthur calls about our behavior; or Aunt Polly threatens to send us to live with you." She huffs out a humorless laugh. "I thought the older I would get, the more I could be with you, helping you with the business. But I guess I was fucking wrong. I guess there's not much Finn and I can do for you except run errands and be your little messengers."

“So are you done with the childish acts?”

Y/n swallows the sob threaten to escape. She finally sees Tommy; the new Tommy. The one who only cares about getting to the top and proving he’s worthy to sit at the adult table. 

He wants her to pretend they solved the issue so he can focus on something more important than her. “Yeah, I’ll behave.” She stands to her feet. “I’m guessing you don’t want me leaving the house anytime soon?”

Tommy nods his head, glad his sister isn’t arguing with him anymore. “You can leave when Pol says you can come back to her place.”

Y/n nods, quickly making her exit from his office so he won’t see the tears freely flowing down her face. 

Tommy drops his head, fighting with himself on whether he should stop her. He knows they didn’t make amends, but he has other business in London to tend to.

And if she keeps her word and behaves; he won’t have to worry about her, or Finn for that matter, every second of the day. He needs to stay sharp; his mind can’t be wandering back to his siblings’ whereabouts. 

Y/n wipes away the tears as she hears children laughing. She smiles when two kids run to greet her.

“Aunt Y/n, we missed you!”

She hugs them both. “Oh, I missed you too.”

She silently promises to her niece and nephew that she will do what her brother wishes as long as she can; just so she can be near them. They need a father; but she’ll do her best to fill in his spot. 

Forevers: @beautycinders​ @desiredposion​

[simplyshelbs16xoxo]

SAW2021 Day 5: Glad to Be Alive

Ao3

Sherlock's thoughts as he remembers the governor, and yet another take on the aftermath of TFP. Greg wasn't the only one to show up at Musgrave. Sherlock finds himself bewildered at the fact Molly is there. 

This one got away from me a little bit, but I thought it would be something unique to combine a S3 prompt with a S4 story. 

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              As Sherlock counted down, the gun pressed against the underside of his chin. He willed himself not to think about the repercussions, the hell he was going to put everyone through with his actions. Though, if it saved his friend and his brother, it was all worth it. When Molly would inevitably find out, he silently hoped it would not be too hard on her, though it was a fruitless endeavor to ask for it. Of course, she would be upset. She loved him. And the knowledge of that brought him a sort of peace, knowing that someone as wonderful as her thought him worthy of it.

               “How dare you throw away the beautiful gifts you were born with! And how dare you betray the love of your friends! Say you’re sorry!”

               Her words echoed in his head, the countdown at six now. Forgive me, he thought. Sherlock couldn’t deny that he was afraid. He may have had a death wish once, but after his tangle with Culverton Smith, he knew that to be no longer true. He didn’t want to die, but he’d do it if it meant everyone else he cared for got the chance to live.

               “Five.” He felt the tranquilizer hit the back of his neck. Another hit John.

               “Four,” he continued. Mycroft looked to be beside himself. Neither made a move to stop his recklessness, most likely out of shock. Sherlock tried to communicate something of the upmost importance to his brother with only a look. Tell Molly I meant it.

               Mycroft gave the slightest nod, his eyes filled with horror.

               “Three…two…” He fell, the inky darkness looming over him. Despite how much he tried to fight it, everything went black.

.

.

               When it was all over, the police lights flashing, Sherlock couldn’t even begin to process the events of the day that took them into the late night.

               “I just spoke to your brother,” Lestrade informed him.

               Sherlock turned toward him, concerned. “How is he?”

               “He’s a bit shaken up, that’s all. She didn’t hurt him; she just locked him in her old cell,” he replied.

               “What goes around comes around,” John quipped.

               Greg agreed. “Yeah. Give me a moment, boys.”

               Sherlock grabbed the detective inspector’s attention again before he walked off. “Oh, um, Mycroft—make sure he’s looked after. He’s not as strong as he thinks he is.”

                 Nodding, Lestrade replied, “Yeah, I’ll take care of it…though, I think someone else beat me to the punch.” He gestured towards where Mycroft stood with a shock blanket around his shoulders. And there beside him, was Molly.

               His eyes never left her as he spoke, leaving Lestrade in utter surprise. “Thanks, Greg.”

               “Sherlock?” John furrowed his brows. “Are you—“

               “I’ll be back,” he told him, making his way toward the one person he so desperately wanted to see. She and Mycroft had looked to be in deep conversation. The closer he got, the clearer it was that she had been crying. “Molly.”

               She looked up at him, her relief evident on her face. “You’re okay,” she said, all choked up.  

               He nodded, managing a small, reassuring smile. “For the most part.” His eyes flicked over toward his brother, and Mycroft left to give them some privacy. “How are you here right now?”

               “A bit of a long story, that,” she told him. “Basically, I knew deep in my gut that something wasn’t right. I practically forced Greg to take me along when I heard.” She laughed, attempting to make light of the ordeal.

               “I’m so sorry for the phone call,” he told her. “I would never try to intentionally hurt you, Molly.” Though it wasn’t his fault, the guilt ate at him. If he had just admitted to himself what he fully realised tonight, it could’ve been avoided.

               She tilted her head, a smile gracing her lips. “I know. It’s alright. Mycroft told me some of it—only the bit with my involvement. It wasn’t your fault, Sherlock.” He closed his eyes when she reached out to take his hand. Molly studied the cuts that covered it. “He said you obliterated a coffin that was meant for me. I thought he might have been exaggerating, but I see how true it is.”

               His breathing uneven, heart beating furiously in his chest, Sherlock couldn’t help the small, shaky gasp that escaped him when she brought the palm of his hand to her lips. “Molly…I—”

                Molly shook her head. “It’s okay, Sherlock—I know. You don’t have to say it again…not until you absolutely want to. I’m sorry for that.”

               Instead of words he couldn’t properly articulate, he resorted to action. Sherlock leant down and pressed a soft, warm kiss to her lips. His name was being shouted, and he regretfully broke away, his eyes conveying a silent apology. “May I stay with you tonight?”

               “Of course,” she answered softly, giving a light squeeze to his hand before letting go.

               Sherlock pressed one last kiss to her forehead and flashed her a loving smile before turning away. Words may be failing him for the moment, but he vowed to himself that he would make sure she always knew that he loved her. He knew he would say the words to her in a more ideal moment, and he was glad she had come all the way here to see him. For the first time in a long time, he was glad to be simply alive.

[hufflepuffhermione]

from the drabble list 23 “I immediately regret this decision.” if you feel like it!!

This got LONG. I know that’s what happens with everything I ever write, but this got long even for me. But I hope you enjoy it. It’s set in the summer between S3 and S4.

The Oval Office is a dangerous place. Life or death decisions are made in the room every day, and a briefly floated idea can quickly become policy before all of the words are even out. One the President has an idea set in his head, it’s difficult to talk him out of it.

Unfortunately for everyone, Toby and Josh fail to recognize the present dangers.

It’s a staff meeting outlining upcoming campaign events and the changes to the policy calendar; nothing out of the ordinary or particularly monumental, but when there’s something to do with national parks, there is always an element of risk.

“Will someone tell me why I’m going to Montana in a few weeks? If I know my electoral math, and I think I do, they’ve got all of three votes and they usually go to the other guy,” President Bartlet says, looking up from behind his reading glasses.

There’s a look exchanged between the senior staff, but Josh swallows and answers. “Sir, it’s the… the opening of Big Sky National Park.”

The President pauses. “That’s not a national park. I would know, I’ve been to all of them.”

Again, more glances. Josh clears his throat awkwardly and continues. “Yes sir, but this is the one that you signed an order to establish a few years ago. In Montana. They’re finally opening it to the public, and you’re going to be there at the opening with the Secretary of the Interior.”

“Ah, right, I did do that,” Bartlet says, smiling. “You know, I do love national parks.”

“We’re aware, sir,” Toby says dryly.

President Bartlet puts down the schedule he’s been looking at and meets Toby’s iron gaze. “Well Toby, tell me? What’s the best national park you’ve been to?”

Toby mutters something under his breath, and when he’s asked to repeat it, his voice takes on an edge. “I’ve never been to one,” he admits.

Mistake number one.

“You’re telling me you’re about to write a speech for me about the glories of the national park system, and you’ve never even been to one?” the President asks incredulously.

“Well, I was going to make Sam do it,” Toby admits.

“What, is this below your pay grade?”

Toby would be rolling his eyes if he weren’t in the Oval Office. “No, sir, but I figured California boy here has been outside a few more times in his life than I have.”

“Is this true, Sam?”

Sam shrugs. “I guess. My parents weren’t really outdoorsy types, but we went to the Grand Canyon once. So I guess I’m ahead of Toby on that score.”

“And the rest of you? Have you all had the opportunity to experience the wonder that is American national parks?”

Josh and CJ glance at each other warily. Leo volunteers the information of a few he’s had a chance to visit, but when the President’s gaze rests on CJ, she stammers, “I made plans to go to Yosemite when I was in grad school, but I… I don’t think I made it there.”

Before the President can comment on CJ’s admission, Josh chimes in. “Frankly, sir, there aren’t any national parks easily accessible from where I’ve lived, so…”

This is mistake number two.

“Nonsense,” the President exclaims. “Shenandoah is just an hour and a half from here! You’ve lived in DC how long and you still haven’t…” He breaks off, and a dangerous smile spreads across his face. “Josh, do you remember when I suggested we take a staff field trip to Shenandoah?”

“I didn’t think you were serious, sir,” Josh replies, gulping.

“I wasn’t then, but if Toby and Sam are going to be writing a speech for me about the wonders of national parks, on the anniversary of the day which, by the way, the National Park Service was established, you really ought to have some experience visiting national parks,” the President says. “Do you all have anything going on this weekend? Doesn’t matter, I can raise it to the level of an executive order and everyone you have to cancel on will just have to deal with it. We’re going on a field trip.”

The door opens behind them, and it’s Donna standing there. “I’m sorry sir, am I interrupting something?”

“Not at all,” Josh answers with relief.

“I just needed Josh for…”

“Donnatella,” the President interrupts, smiling at her. “How would you like to go on a national park expedition?”

Donna looks at him, wide-eyed. “Well, sir, I do appreciate a good national park. I’m not sure I can say no… can I say no?”

And there’s the third mistake.

“Well, Donna, pack your outdoor things, because you’re going camping this weekend,” the President says gleefully. “I’ll get my guys to arrange all of this.”

“Do you need Josh? He’s needed in a meeting with legislative affairs right now,” Donna says. “They only have twenty minutes before the vote.”

Josh immediately stands up as the President waves him off. “You shouldn’t have come in,” he hisses to Donna, as they walk down the hallway towards his office. “You should have just called. You might have avoided getting roped into this nonsense.

“Well, I immediately regret this decision, but… is he serious?”

“He’s started making plans and everything,” Josh says. “But hey, if I’m forced to go camping, at least you’ll be forced to go too.”

Donna rolls her eyes. “You’re a horrible, horrible man.”

“Yeah, but I sign your paychecks.”

“I had plans!” she whines.

Josh laughs as he turns towards his office to pick up a file. “Haven’t you learned never to make weekend plans? And never to indulge the President when he’s in one of these moods?”

“Believe me, I’m regretting all of this.”

—

“As it turns out,” the President says on a Friday morning staff meeting, “I can’t go to Shenandoah. That would require the Secret Service to shut down the whole park, and even then, there’s nothing they can do about the bears.”

An audible sigh of relief falls across the staff, but it doesn’t last long when he continues, “I’ve arranged transportation and reserved a couple of cabins for you all. You’re leaving at 6am sharp tomorrow morning, and they’ll have you back by Sunday night.”

“Sir… is this… serious?” Sam hazards.

“Serious as the deficit,” the President replies with a grin. “You’re going to experience a real national park.”

“And if we just… happened to be sick tomorrow?” Josh asks.

President Bartlet shakes his head and laughs. “I wouldn’t believe you, since you’ve never taken a sick day you weren’t forced to take. I’d send my guys over to your apartment and have them throw you in the van. Face it, Josh, you’re going to see the great outdoors.”

Toby rests his head in his hands. “Please someone just kill me now.”

“Come on, Toby, you’ll love it!”

“Sir, I’m pretty sure I have to brief this weekend, so I think…” CJ begins to argue.

“You have highly competent deputies, let them handle it,” the President deflects. “6am sharp. Be here, or the Secret Service will be making visits to your places. And they do know where you live.”

—

After a two-hour drive which everyone spent asleep, they are unceremoniously deposited at a campsite with a fire pit and two cabins which might generously be described as ‘rustic’. The August heat that has settled over DC is only marginally lessened by elevation.

“Well this is… something,” Sam remarks, taking a peek inside one of the spartan cabins, which contains nothing but wooden bunks and an ancient-looking table.

“There aren’t any bathrooms,” Toby comments with barely restrained fury. “What are we supposed to do, go in the woods?”

Donna shrugs, wondering, once again, how she got roped into this. “That’s how we usually do it when I went camping as a kid. Sometimes they had a bathroom at the site, but it doesn’t look like they do at this one.”

“You’ve been camping?” Josh asks incredulously.

“Yeah. We’d go camping in the Wisconsin Dells most years, and once in a while we’d go to Minnesota or the UP,” Donna replies offhandedly.

“The UP?” Toby asks.

“Upper Peninsula of Michigan,” Sam corrects, always glad to make a geographic contribution.

Josh picks up a large plastic tub that was left with them, filled with camping food, and begins to walk toward one of the cabins. “Well, at least Donna knows what we’re doing.”

“Didn’t you claim to be an outdoorsman?” CJ asks, quirking an eyebrow. “I’d like to see you prove it.”

He drops the tub and rubs his eye. “I mean… I was on some drugs then, so I’m not sure I can be held liable…”

“You were not on any drugs, Josh, or else I wouldn’t have let you have alcohol,” Donna corrects.

“I was on the drug that was being outside after three months of miserable confinement!”

Donna and CJ share a glance. “Well, I think this is the perfect opportunity for you to demonstrate your outdoorsy prowess. You can lead our hike.”

“Hey, no one said anything about hiking!” Josh completely ignores the tub and stalks over to where CJ and Donna are standing with the rest of the supplies, almost tripping over a branch as he does so.

“It’s in the President’s executive order. He set us an agenda,” Donna declares, waving around a piece of paper that does, in fact, include the presidential seal.

“There’s no way he used an actual executive…”

Josh is cut off by Sam, who snatches the paper out of Donna’s hands with a “Let me see that!” He reads the paper quickly, frowning as he does. “Yeah, he wants us to take three different hikes. There are maps attached to it. Also, he’s set some time aside for Toby and I to… extol the virtues of nature and apply it to our speechwriting?”

“And we wonder why nothing gets done in this country!” Toby throws his hands in the air. “I can extol the virtues of nature perfectly well without having to actually…you know… go out in nature!”

Josh takes a look at the schedule over Sam’s shoulder. “He’s really given us specific times to start each hike?”

“Including one at 5:30 in the morning so we can catch the sunrise over the mountains,” Donna notes.

“Well I’d like to catch a few hours of sleep for once.” CJ rolls her eyes and picks up her duffel bag. “Think we can blow this off?”

Sam presses his lips together. “Um… he’s going to know if we do.”

“Why?”

“Because he left the Secret Service agents here to ‘keep an eye on us’,” Sam says, jerking his head toward the van which they came in, which is parked in a clearing in the woods. “Ostensibly it’s so we don’t die when Josh forgets he’s not actually an outdoorsman, but he’s definitely spying on us.”

Josh rubs his forehead and sighs heavily. “You couldn’t have just lied and said you have a great appreciation for national parks, Toby?”

“If I said I’d been to one, he would have interrogated me about it!” Toby shouts. “I was cornered!”

“You were the one who came up with the idea to establish this new national park,” CJ says, nudging Josh’s side, “so I hold you responsible.”

“God help me for winning a political battle and doing some good for the country at the same time,” Josh replies, rolling his eyes. “That was almost three years ago! Why should I have known it would backfire like this?”

Donna sighs heavily and picks up her bag. “I’m seriously regretting coming out here with any of you.”

“If you had just called the Oval instead of coming in…”

“Yeah, yeah,” she says. “CJ, what do you say to the cabin on the right? I looked inside and I think there are fewer bugs in that one.”

“Please,” CJ says. “I’m grateful I have at least one other member of the Sisterhood here.”

Sam and Josh give each other a look. “I guess we’d better move into the bug-infested cabin,” Sam remarks.

“They’re both bug-infested, but the one on the right is just… less bug-infested,” Donna shouts back, as she heads into the small cabin.

“Well, Mr. Outdoorsman,” Sam says to Josh, “what now?”

Josh rubs the bridge of his nose. “If I wasn’t on drugs, I was under the influence of alcohol—which I hadn’t had in three months—so you know, I can’t be held liable for what I said then.”

Sam quirks an eyebrow as he picks up his duffel bag. “You do have a law degree, don’t you?”

“Don’t remind me.”

—

It’s another hour before all of the stuff in moved into cabins and everyone is seated on logs around the unlit fire pit, unsure of what to do next. It’s Donna, naturally, who has a handle on the schedule.

“Now, the President has recommended we do a short hike before the heat of the day really kicks in, and that one takes off from that trailhead over there.” She points toward a small clearing in the woods with a ragged wood sign marking the head. “It leads to a lake, so he suggests taking a dip to cool off before heading back, so maybe put something to swim in here in your daypack.”

Josh furrows his brow. “Wait, wait, wait. We’re not really doing this, are we? Following this ridiculous schedule, doing all these…”

“Just because you can’t follow a schedule doesn’t mean we shouldn’t,” Donna replies. “And do you really want to defy the President of the United States?”

“Well, if he’s making us go hiking… and swimming,” Toby growls. “I told him, I have a healthy appreciation for the outdoors, but I prefer to be far, far away from them.”

Donna stands up. “Well I, for one, am not going to defy the President, and I think when he asks you very specific details about the hikes, you might want to have some answers for him. Come on, the sooner we get started the less heat we’ll have to deal with.”

“Because this isn’t bad enough?” CJ asks, wiping her brow. The humidity is already oppressive even at nine in the morning.

“Come on California girl,” Toby teases, “aren’t you used to this?”

In unison, Sam and CJ respond with, “It’s a dry heat!”

Josh pulls several files out of his backpack, carries them back to the cabin, and sighs. “It’s going to be a long day.”

—

Donna isn’t sure who does the most complaining in the mile and a half hike. Josh probably complains the most audibly, but there’s something to be said for Toby’s constant glares at everything that constitutes nature and Sam’s intentional, hefty sighs at every single step. CJ is quiet about her discontent, but she doesn’t seem particularly happy either.

Perhaps they really did need an opportunity to learn how to appreciate nature.

The hike isn’t all too steep, although you wouldn’t know that from the way Josh and Toby are panting when they finally reach the swimming hole the President indicated in his instructions.

“Here it is,” Donna says with a smile. The water is set up against a cliff edge, and there are thin streams falling over the edge. It’s really an idyllic place, but none of the staffers seem particularly enthralled.

Still, they’re all hot and sweaty, and so Sam pulls off his shirt and wades into the water, and CJ follows. Toby grumbles, but the prospect of cooling off is too great for him to resist.

Donna is about to take a dip when she notices Josh’s hesitation to go in. He sits at the edge, dipping his toes in, but not looking as if he will go any further.

“Don’t want to swim?”

He shrugs. “Someone has to watch our stuff. You know, because of the bears. Or the tourists. They’re probably Republican tourists, in this part of Virginia.”

She looks at him critically. “Josh… Do you know how to swim?”

“I grew up in Connecticut, of course I know how to swim!” he snaps. “I just don’t want to!” There’s sweat beading on his forehead. There’s no way he doesn’t want to swim.

Donna frowns and takes a seat next to him, dipping her toes in as well. “Why not?”

Josh looks straight ahead at his own soaking feet. “I don’t have another shirt in my pack,” he says quietly.

“Well then, take it…” she begins, and then she sees something in his eyes. He’s still self-conscious about his bare chest. She grabs his hand and smiles at him. “It’s fine. I’ve seen it before.”

Josh shakes his head. “They haven’t.”

“They’re not going to care,” Donna assures him. “They were all there. They don’t need an explanation.” She briefly wonders if he ever had to explain it to Amy.

“Yeah,” he says, his face still grim.

She tugs on his sleeve gently. “Anyway, you’re going to be neck-deep in there anyway, so if you dive in fast, no one will even see anything.”

“I guess,” Josh says.

“I’m not going to go in if you don’t, and I really want to go in, so I’ll be rather upset with you if you don’t go in,” Donna threatens.

He lifts an eyebrow. “So this is on me now?”

“It’s your call,” she challenges.

In one smooth motion, he tears off his shirt and pulls Donna up into his arms, holding her against his chest and taking a few steps into the water. She shrieks as he drops her in a deeper part of the swimming hole. “That good enough for you?” he asks with a grin.

“You shouldn’t be doing that,” she chides, although there’s a smile on her face too. “You’re a cruel man.”

He splashes her with quite a bit of force. “You asked for it. I’m just trying to be an outdoorsman.”

--

Sam practically has to be dragged out of the water, but as the sun nears its high point, everyone agrees that they sooner they get back to the camp, the better. They manage to make it back faster, thanks to the downhill slope and Toby’s urgency to get back to something even slightly resembling civilization.

“What’s on the schedule now?” CJ asks through a bite of the pre-packed sandwiches that the President sent with them. A good thing, too, since none of them are fantastic cooks even in normal circumstances, and certainly none of them know how to cook over a fire.

Donna pulls the piece of paper out of her daypack and skims it. “Well, there’s a couple choices until our second hike at 6. Either working on the speech, or as he puts it, taking a Thoreau-like approach to extolling the virtues of nature…”

“He’s really going to put me through all of this and then tell me to emulate Thoreau?” Toby interrupts indignantly. “That pretentious mother—“

Josh raises an eyebrow and cuts Toby off with a, “So how about those of us who are under any circumstances not allowed to touch the President’s speeches?”

“We ask for your input when we need it, Josh, it’s just… you’re not the most eloquent of writers,” Sam tries to say diplomatically. Toby, still fuming, nods in agreement.

Josh rolls his eyes. “I like to be direct. Sue me.”

“See, that kind of attitude in speechwriting is what gets the President sued,” Toby shoots back.

Donna clears her throat, giving a barely concealed glare to the staffers before her. “Anyway, Josh, in answer to your question, he suggested you could take a nap.”

His brow furrowed, Josh lets out a little snort. “A nap? What is this, kindergarten?”

“Sometimes I think so.” This from CJ, who hasn’t managed to get her head out of her hands in several minutes.

“I remember a time when you were extolling the virtues of naps to me,” Donna says sweetly, folding up the schedule and putting it back in her bag.

Josh sighs and leans back into the log he’s sitting against dramatically. “Can everyone please stop using the things I said while I was on many, many drugs that made me kind of loopy against me?”

“Never, mi amor,” CJ says, standing up and patting his shoulder. “I’m going to take advantage of the once chance I’ll ever get in this administration to take a nap. Any interest in joining me, Tobias?” she asks with a smirk.

Toby raises an eyebrow. “No, because I have to emulate a pretentious dick who thought he knew everything about nature because he was living in the backyard of his in-laws.”

“I quite enjoy Thoreau, actually,” Sam begins to interrupt.

“Of course you do,” Toby says with a sigh, pulling out a legal pad and a pen. “Come on, let’s get to writing this. Anybody know anything about national parks?”

“No,” Josh says. “I think that’s why we’re here.”

—

The afternoon passes rather pleasantly to everyone’s surprise. CJ takes her nap, Josh reads through all of the briefing memos he managed to smuggle in, and Toby and Sam bicker over the speech, but there are several pages filled by the time Donna comes out of the cabin, fresh from her own nap, and calls out that it’s almost time for their next hike.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Josh says. “One isn’t enough?”

“There are three, remember. The next one is very early tomorrow morning so we can catch the sunrise. This one is so we can catch the sunset,” Donna replies, thrusting the schedule at him.

Josh shakes his head as he looks it over. “I’m kind of regretting getting this man elected.”

Still, everyone, even Toby manages to traipse through the woods and up get another mountain to get to a west-facing lookout, where the sun is just starting to dip behind the mountains.

“Is this inspiring you?” CJ teases, stretched out on one of the benches at the lookout. The sky really is turning very pretty, the sunset a fiery orange with hints of pink.

Toby shrugs. “I don’t think the colors of a sunset are relevant to this speech, but sure.”

“I have to say, I think the Midwest does sunsets better. All that open sky…” Donna says. She’s seating on the other bench, and Josh is next to her, his arm stretched around the back of the bench and his fingers just barely grazing the top of her shoulder. The distance between them is acceptable, but only just.

“Do you miss it? Wisconsin?”

Donna bites her lip. “Sometimes? Sometimes I’ll think about a walk I used to take, or about the ice cream shop I would always go to with my friends, or about the view from my dorm when I lived on the top floor, and I feel a little bit of homesickness. But then I think about how amazing it is to live here, and how much I’ve accomplished since I left, and well… I can’t say I regret leaving.”

Josh chuckles. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Donna turns back to look at the sunset and hopes that no one notices that her eyes are beginning to water with what could be tears.

—

“Okay, dinner now? I”m starving.” Sam says, when they come back from their sunset expedition to the camp. Darkness is beginning to settle, so they’ve set up a few lanterns, but it still feels incomplete.

“We have hot dogs for roasting,” Donna says. “You know, good camp food.”

“That means we need a fire,” Sam says, exchanging a glance with Josh. “We can do that.”

CJ and Donna share a look of concern. “Last time you tried to start a fire, you almost set the White House ablaze,” CJ says cautiously.

“But we successfully started a fire,” Josh points out. “And if it wasn’t indoors in a fireplace with the flue welded shut, we would have been successful.”

Donna has to give them this. “Okay. Go find some firewood and get it started. I think we’re all starting to get hungry.”

Josh grabs a lantern and gives Donna a grin. “Let’s go, Sam.”

While Donna unpacks the food they were sent for dinner, Josh and Sam come back with arms full of wood, Sam looking the worse for wear with several scratches all over his body and what looks like it could be blood.

“Sam! What happened?” CJ exclaims, looking him over.

“I got into a fight with a blackberry bush,” Sam mutters. So not blood, at least, CJ thinks with a sigh of relief.

Josh drops his armful of wood by the pit. “The bush won.”

“Do you need any bandages or anything? They sent us an extensive first aid kid, because I’m sure they know how clumsy you are.” CJ takes Sam’s armful of wood and kneels down next to Josh. “Show me, how do we do this?”

While Sam washes himself off with a water bottle and pulls out the last few thorns, Josh manages to get a fairly impressive fire going. Donna passes around hot dogs and everyone begins to roast theirs, although Sam drops at least two in the fire. Josh intentionally sets his on fire, charring it until anyone else would regard it as inedible.

Perhaps, they all begin to think as they laugh around the fire, for once able to focus on something besides work, this camping thing isn’t so bad. The stress of the election has been weighing heavily on all of them, but they’ve spent almost a whole day without pondering electoral math or congressional seats.

The fire slowly dies, and once it’s down to only the embers, everyone slowly begins to peel off and say good night.

--

CJ blinks and lets her eyes adjust to the dark before picking up her lantern and padding softly out of the cabin. She would blame her inability to sleep on the nap she took earlier in the day throwing off her schedule, but she knows that’s not the entirety of it.

To her surprise, the fire is still going when she emerges, and there’s someone still seated on a log by it.

“Josh?” she whispers softly, and he turns to face her with the barest trace of a smile.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks.

“No. You?”

He shrugs and pokes at the fire with a stick. “Didn’t want to,” he says. “Toby snores.”

“And so you’re just going to spend the whole night out here?”

“Probably.”

“Just because Toby snores?”

Josh doesn’t answer, but CJ turns to look at him and can see the set of his jaw and the tension in his face. And she has an idea of what might be going on.

“Josh, have you been having nightmares lately?” she asks, her voice soft.

She didn’t think his body could show any more tension, but he immediately tenses up even more at her question. “Why would you think that?”

“Because I have, too,” she admits. She can see some of the tension fall away from his shoulders, although he still seems guarded.

“About what?”

CJ bites her lip. “Simon, mostly. Which is ridiculous, I mean, I wasn’t there. And that was three months ago, and I wasn’t even there.”

He reaches out and grabs her hand, squeezing it. “You can easily imagine it though, because you know what it’s like to be shot at,” he concludes.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t. I don’t even remember it, really, and I still have nightmares,” he tells her. “It’s not ridiculous, CJ. Believe me.”

She sighs. “I just… they went away for a while. I thought I was doing better, I thought I was over my grief, and then this last week… well, let’s just say my nap this afternoon as the only time this week I woke up from something other than a nightmare.”

“Well, it was two years to the day a few days ago when we got shot at,” Josh says. “Because I haven’t slept much this week either.”

CJ takes a look at him, his tired eyes and the vulnerability present on his face that so few get to see. She feels privileged to see it. “I hadn’t even thought of that,” she admits, “but I’m sure that doesn’t help.”

“It’ll get better again,” Josh says. “You’ll notice that you’ve gone weeks, even months, without something. The grief never quite goes away, but the fear does.”

“Okay,” she replies, her voice choked up a little. If it were anyone else saying this to her, she’d probably be annoyed, but she knows that Josh speaks from experience and is telling the truth. “So you and I, it’s going to be a sleepless night for the two of us?”

He smiles at her and leans further back against the log. “Claudia Jean, are you propositioning me?”

“Only if you want it,” she teases.

—

Donna doesn’t end up needing the alarm she set on her watch because her internal clock is set to absurdly early mornings anyway. It’s mostly still dark when she gets up, but as she emerges from the cabin, she can see that there’s still a fire going, and that CJ and Josh are in front of it, seating against a log. CJ’s head is resting on Josh’s shoulder. If Donna didn’t know the completely platonic nature of their relationship, she would have been jealous, and even though she knows Josh and CJ see each other as siblings, she still has to bite back a bit of jealousy as she approaches them.

“Hey,” she says, “you two slept out here?”

Josh blinks and looks up at her. “I guess we did sleep,” he says. “I didn’t think we’d manage.”

CJ smiles. “Who knew your shoulder made such a nice pillow?”

He tries to push himself up from the ground and winces. “Well, this log did not,” he says. “Is it really time to get started already?”

“Our sunrise hike awaits,” Donna says, with a look on her face that’s somewhere between a smile and a grimace. “Who’s going to have to wake up Toby and Sam?”

“I say we wake up Sam, and then make him wake up Toby,” Josh says. “I didn’t bring my full-body armor with me.”

—

As it turns out, the sunrise hike is an eight-mile loop, with east-facing lookout about two miles into the trek. Toby, already furious about being woken up, is absolutely fuming at the fact that there are six more miles to go after the sunrise stop. “What kind of a man makes you go on a hike at five in the morning, and then extends It so you’re going to be on this trail all day?”

“I’m finding I don’t hate hiking as much as I thought I did,” Josh says. “But I’m sleep-deprived, so don’t hold that against me.”

“Josh, if you used sleep deprivation as an excuse every time, we’d never be able to call you out for anything you’ve ever said,” CJ points out.

Sam sighs. He’s looking much better now that he’s not covered in blackberry juice, but his arm and leg and the side of his face are still very scratched up. “I just want to take a shower.”

“Ten more hours until they’ll take us home,” Donna says. She doesn’t even have to look at the schedule anymore; her memory is freakishly good sometimes.

They reach a clearing near the top of one of the mountains that has some large rocks and a few benches.  They’re above most of the other elevations around them, so they have a clear view of the sun beginning to peek out over the hills before them.

“We never see sunrises or sunsets,” Donna notes. “I think it’s usually dark when I get to the White House and dark when I leave.”

CJ lets out a laugh and perches on a rock. “That’s when we actually manage to leave.”

Donna reaches into her backpack and hands out granola bars. “Breakfast, anyone?”

“Any coffee?” Josh asks.

“There’s a pot to boil water back at camp and a thing of instant coffee,” Donna says.

He groans. “So none here?”

“You should really try to become a less caffeinated life form.”

“Tried that for three months. Worst three months of my life.”

“Just because of the coffee?”

Josh grabs a granola bar from her and takes a seat on one of the benches. “Because of the gunshot wound, but you know, the lack of coffee didn’t help.”

“Will you just shut up and enjoy the sunrise?” CJ asks. “Because I’m not going to see one for another four years.”

Josh clears his throat after a bite of the granola bar. “You really believe that? We’ve got another four years left in us?”

“The President’s in fighting mode. He won’t back down,” CJ says. “And we’re not going to let him, are we?”

Sam smiles. “Absolutely not.”

Through a bite of his granola bar, Toby mumbles, “Careful about tempting fate.”

“We’re not tempting fate,” CJ says, “but we’re renewing our fight. We’ve been so bogged down in reelection struggles that it feels like we’ve lost sight of what we’re fighting for. But you know what Richie wants to do for places like this?”

“Tear them down,” Toby mutters.

“But Jed Bartlet wants to build them up. Build more of them. Let people come to appreciate the outdoors, to see the sunrise, to protect the natural treasures of this country. If we never get to see the sunrise, we should make sure it’s because we’re working long and hard to ensure that other people have that chance here, and at places like this.” Her voice is beginning to get excited. “And that’s only one of the many reasons we’re fighting to show the voters our vision of America. The one that protects the treasures we have, and seeks to provide the best for our citizens. That’s why we’re fighting from before sunrise to after sunset. So what do we say? Four more years?”

Josh grins and holds up the remaining half of his granola bar in a sort of toast. “Four more years!” he shouts out over the mountains.

There’s a chorus of exclamations that no one but them will ever hear, but as the sun rises, there’s a bit of weariness lifted off of each of them. The last four years have been interminably long and difficult, but they are all instilled with a sense of new energy for what they do.

“So that’s what you’re like on sleep deprivation?” Josh teases CJ, as they leave the clearing and set out on the next part of their hike.

“See why that excuse will never work?”

“Fine, but I still stand by the fact that I said a lot of things on heavy drugs that I didn’t mean.”

“Such as being an outdoorsman?” Donna pipes up.

“See, after this weekend, I think I stand by that one.”

——

The Secret Service takes them all back to the White House, rather than to their apartments, and they’re all directed to the Oval Office, where President Bartlet sits behind the desk expectantly.

“You all made it back in one piece!” he says with delight. “I was sure a bear was going to eat one of you; my money was on Toby.” He takes in Sam’s scratched up face. “Except for you, Sam. What happened there?”

“I fought a blackberry bush, and the bush won,” Sam mumbles.

“You did all the hikes?” the President asks.

Toby grimaces. “Donna forced us to.”

“I knew she’d keep you on track,” he says, and Donna beams in response. “And the speech?”

“Needs revision and typing up, but it’s quite good, if I do say so myself,” Sam says, although Toby shoots him a glare, clearly not as pleased with the quality of writing.

“Excellent, excellent. And you two,” the President says, looking at Josh and CJ, “how did you find it?”

CJ smiles. “Quite enlightening, sir. I’m instilled with a new sense of energy. That said, I’d like to go home and get some sleep.” Josh nods in agreement.

“Yes, yes, of course,” the President says. “But senior staff tomorrow, I’m going to have to hear more. God, I can’t wait to open this new national park.”

They all file out of the Oval Office, but Josh hangs back behind the others and grabs Donna’s arm. “Do you have a ride home?”

“I was going to take the metro,” Donna says. “My car’s on the fritz again.”

He shakes his head. “No, don’t. Not will all that stuff. I’ll give you a ride.”

Donna’s about to protest, especially since he definitely seems too tired to be driving, but she considers it and nods in agreement. At least she can make sure he doesn’t fall asleep at the wheel.

“I’m glad you were there,” he says. “I don’t know if I would have made it through this weekend without you.”

She blushes at the compliment. “I’m sure you would have been fine. After all, you proved that you are, in fact, an outdoorsman.”

“Still,” he says, with a surprising amount of sincerity, “the outdoors is so much more fun with you there.”

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

I think the show inflated Dawson and Joey’s connection via the dialogue. If they wanted to show us what a deep connection DJ had they should have done more than show Dawson ranting to Joey about his life and having Joey respond to it. I believe they’re childhood friends. I don’t believe they’re soulmates or even that they have the “I-don’t-know-where-you-end-and-I-begin.” Their friendship would have been more believable if Dawson hadn’t been so narcissistic and self absorbed. We should have seen a more balanced/equal relationship between him and the other characters.

I don’t think Dawson is any worse than the other characters, especially during the college years. The main problem with Dawson is that the show continuously tells us what a great guy he is. And by doing so, it doesn’t always hold him accountable to his mistakes to the degree that necessary. When Dawson does apologize he often sounds dismissive and condensing (ei: “I could tell you all roads lead back to me but those are just words…go… you’re free.”) Also, Most of Dawson’s interactions with his friends revolved around his feelings and his interests.

Like in a commentary, Kerr Smith, discusses how hard it was to film the scene where everyone gathered to cheer Dawson up in the end of True Love, especially since the scene before that one featured a very emotional moment between Jack and his dad. It was as if Dawson’s heartbreak was more important than Jack’s. Dawson literally used homophobia directed at Jack to win Joey back and also almost crashed Jack’s boat, he didn’t deserve to have Jack be his friend.

When it comes to Pacey, the narrative acknowledges that he’s a screw up and holds him accountable for his mistakes. When Pacey screws up he usually also apologizes right away and it doesn’t sound half-assed like “I’m sorry IF you got offended.” Also I like that Pacey doesn’t only apologize, he rectifies the situation via his actions (ex: when he came back to dance with Joey at the prom in S6 after humiliating her at prom or when he raised money for Dawson’s film after losing all of his money).

Personally, I don’t think Dawson is any more  misogynistic than any of the other guys. The most misogynistic scene was where Jack told his frat bro that Audrey was “easy”. He was forgiven pretty easily by Audrey and Joey for saying that. Pacey also had a tendency to over-sexualize certain women.

Dawson is horrible in later seasons as well. For one he cheats on his girlfriend and then has the nerve to get angry at Joey for being understandably mad about the situation. He calls her a scared child after just sleeping with her btw which is super gross. Instead of taking responsibility for his screwup he blames her and makes himself to be a victim of Joey.

Dawson still has zero empathy in later seasons. Number 1, he goes to Pacey and asks him to invest ALL his money. As someone who works in the financial world and I believe everyone should know this. It doesn't matter how carefully you invest... you should never invest every cent you have. That is extremely stupid!!! And then he went to his friend wanting him to be the one to invest it and Pacey is smartly reluctant to do so because that is such a bad idea to have your friend do something like that. But he pushed Pacey into it in the first place. It sucks that in the end he lost his money but Pacey also lost his own money... did Dawson give a shit about Pacey? No. He could have comiserated with him since they were both in the same boat but no Dawson thinks of no one but himself. Their whole fight in that episode just infuriates me because it's a lot Dawson dredging up the past and rewriting history to once again making Pacey out to be the villain of his life's movie that he has made in his own head.

"You wanna know why we're not friends, pace? It's not because of what happened with Joey, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... maybe quite some time, 'cause the second you made us competitors" This line makes me livid. Dawson is the one who accused Pacey of stealing the PSATs when he truly didn't, called him weak and self motivated. He threw a basketball at Pacey's face and broke his nose. He forgot his birthday. Told him he should go back to being a screwup who makes him feel better about his life. Dawson was a horrible friend and all those things happened before the situation with Joey and Dawson has to the nerve to act like Pacey was the one who didn't want to be his friend. Also the line about making them competitors? Dawson made them competitors. He did not have to care that Pacey and Joey dated he did not need to throw away their friendship. He chose that. He ruined their friendship. Dawson literally made them competitors when he signed up for the boat race that Pacey had signed up to take part in weeks before all the drama went down. Dawson is literally rewriting history there to make himself the victim.

"I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped settin' us up against each other, you woulda realized that you and I are not that far apart." Pacey turned his back on him? I seem to recall Pacey doing everything in his power to fix their friendship in S4 including apologizing to Dawson even though I don't believe he needed to. Also Pacey went to Dawson to apologize about losing all his money and Dawson dredged up the past and tried to demonize him for things that he had already apologized for years prior. Looks to me like your the one settin you two up against each other, Dawson!

"You don't wanna know me, pace. You wrote me off a long time ago." Again I feel like a broken record but in season 5 and 6 Pacey was extremely nice to Dawson way nicer than I would have been. Dawson wrote Pacey off the moment he found out he was dating Joey.

Secondly he never apologized to Pacey for nearly killing him and saying horrible vile things about him at the end of Season 3 so one can assume that he believed until the end of time that he wasn't in the wrong. Plus i'm of the opinion that he shouldn't be forgiven until he has apologized.

He is way more sexist than Pacey and Jack... there might be some peripheral characters that have him beat but i'm not too sure.

In season 5, he meets that film critic and says some sexist bullshit to her specifically this is their exchange...

Amy: Hardball. Keanu Reeves coaches this inner-city little league team and, in the process, changes their lives for the better. I lost it. I mean, I cried like a baby. I saw it in the theater 5 times.

Dawson: That explains that, then.

Amy: What?

Dawson: Why your boyfriend dumped you. You're a sentimental drama queen with really crappy taste in movies.

1. Fuck you Dawson. Your opinion in movies is not that great. Wasn't he the one who in S3 went on and on to Pacey about how he didn't like film noir... yeah I don't trust his opinion in movies in the least.

2. Drama queen?! Also telling a random woman you don't even know that he understands why her boyfriend dumped her?! Again fuck you Dawson.

[podcastlimbo]

My honest honest opinion on second citadel season 3

Uhhhh... short answer? I didn’t like it much.

Okay wait before I go on to my long answer I need to say that this is all just my opinion and it’s all subjective. If you liked sc season 3 that’s awesome! I get why you do and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

But I really wasn’t a fan of where they went with it (even from episode 1), and I’m gonna go on a long rambly and repetitive rant about it.

I’m not gonna talk about the way the season ended and the setup for s4 because I haven’t fully formed my opinion about that - to form my opinion means to relisten to the season and i don’t really feel like doing that.

Anyways, these are my unfiltered 2am thoughts about the Rest Of It - maybe I’ll neaten it up later to make it more palatable but for now it’s wordy n messy and you can just. Not read it bc it’ll probably make you mad, or feel free to pick it apart and tell me I’m wrong, or unfollow me (and at least one person has already done so lmao) but like that won’t change the fact that I just wasn’t feeling s3 so uh. That said.

Long answer? I love the second citadel... at least the first two seasons

I love the world building, how the setting is such a unique, deliberate step away from eurocentric fantasy, how refreshing all that is! The Second Citadel (the place) is rich with culture and history from the brief glimpses we get of it (mostly in knight of the crown). Not to mention the monster society, with its own rules (or lack thereof) and environments and personalities.

I love the storytelling, how different mediums are woven into the way each episode is formatted. Rilla has her tape recorder, Damien his prayers, Caroline her letters, and each medium is so well suited to each character, and it truly lets us get a glimpse of what’s going on in their minds, and I find it utterly fascinating how a protagonist of one story could just as easily become an antagonist (or at least, an annoyance) in another

And the characters! Each one so compelling, with their own goals and motivations, their own intriguing backstories and potential.

Most importantly, the way these characters play off of each other is what makes second citadel amazing. Getting to see people with similar experiences but different world views clash (Caroline and Mira), people with fundamentally different beliefs reconcile and meet in the middle (rilla and arum), just, Kabert created so many interesting characters, and watching them bounce off one another is a joy.

And that’s what made season 2 so great for me. The exploration of each character, getting to see their good sides and bad, through either a medium tailored for them, or through interactions with others, as they explored a fascinating world.

The end of season 2 left me so satisfied, but still with so many questions and excitement about what was to come. I wanted to see Talfryn come into his own and step out of his brothers shadow. I wanted to see Damien, Arum and Rilla navigating their new relationship. I wanted to know more of the fate of Rilla’s parents, Damien’s past, the consequences Arum would surely face after defying the monster court. I wanted Marc to finally be recognized by his fellow knights, to watch as Caroline lead the journeymen knights, while learning to trust in others as she was beginning to do. I wanted Angelo continuing to unlearn the implicit biases that had been instilled in him as a result of his upbringing, or more details on Caroline and Quanyii’s relationship. I was also curious!! How would human and monster relations change after the events of the finale? And would we learn more of the past, when humans and monsters lived together in peace?

I was buzzing with excitement for season 3, and then.. it came, it aired, and then it went.

And I felt... meh?

Don’t get me wrong. There were moments that I liked. Some of what I hoped to see did happen (see the above paragraph lmao), getting a glimpse of the western wastes with its own culture a joy. The dynamics between Olala and some of the characters were really fun! And the direction the story took at the end was one I didn’t expect, but left me open to more.

That said,,, everything else about the season just. Didnt gel with me.

Everything I loved about second citadel pretty much wasn’t there??? Aside from Caroline, Angelo and Quanyii, all the characters they spent so much time introducing to us and fleshing out over 2 seasons were just relegated to the side??

I think my main problem with season 3 was that it felt like a completely different show. Characters introduced as part of an ensemble became side characters in (what was supposed to be) their own stories. Character arcs that got set up were dropped, and mysteries/backstories teased were forgotten. Heck, the monster court and senate wasn’t even brought up! The aftermath of the fear bugs attack ont the citadel went unexplored! It’s like nothing in the past season even happened!

And I’m sorry I gotta say this, but the problem is Olala.

I mean. Okay I don’t wanna be super mean- she’s perfectly fine as a character. We root for her, we cry when she cries, and we cheer when she wins the day.

But since all the episodes were centered around her, we didn’t get to see anyone else’s inner worlds. And like okay, yes, they did it for this season of Juno Steel too, where Juno, the previous POV a character for 2 seasons, became a part of an ensemble, and was a side character for many episodes. But this choice worked for Juno and not Second Citadel, because it was a natural progression for his story! We spent 2 seasons exploring Juno’s character, his backstory, his motivations, we saw him come to terms with his family history, grow and change as a person, and by the time he joined the Carte Blanche, we’d gotten to a point with Junos story where we’re okay to step away for a while, and see events through the lens of others.

But that just?? Doesn’t work in second citadel? Because unlike Juno, the characters introduced in s1-2 are virtually unexplored! There’s still so much about their stories we don’t know, and so many ways for them to progress.

But we didn’t get any of that! Stuff established in s1-2 barely got payoff in this season. Characters stagnated, and when previously it was amazing to watch them interact with each other? Having each episode throw different combinations of characters together and seeing how they clashed and came together? Yeah we didn’t get that, it was all the same characters bouncing off of Olala, which is fine at first, but honestly? After the first couple episodes, it got stale.

And remember how before, we would get to see the characters tell their story through a medium suited for them? Well I noticed that the format of this season was a lot moreee audio drama-y (basically a TV show but with no visuals) and while there’s nothing wrong with that, one of SC’s strengths was in using the medium in unique ways, presenting the episodes in unique formats depending on the POV character. And with the exception of a few moments, the season really lacked that!

I know there were episodes in s1-2, like caves of discord and the Janus beast which didnt follow that format, but I think it’s a fan consensus that the episodes that do (moonlit hermit, KOTC lots, lady of the lake) are favourites, because they fully embraced the advantages and limitations those framing devices offered, and were truly perfect for character exploration.

It’s like. Idk. Imagine wolf 359 s3 where the si5 were introduced, and there was like 1-2 episodes of them interacting with the rest of our cast, but then after that the rest of the season just completely focuses on Eiffel and the new characters, and everyone else just disappears n twiddles their thumbs and doesn’t even do anything during the finale. That’s what happened this season, and that’s the kinda weird vibe I’m talking about.

Since I’m already rambling, I might as well just say some more stuff. I was disappointed with the music this season. I can tell Ryan Vibert was trying to figure a way to make SC sound different from Juno, and he was getting there in s1-2! The pieces that stand out now are the soft, acoustic guitar pieces, like Rillas song, or the lone melody line of the guitar in the SC theme. I thought he was getting it with s3e1, when Marc fought the dinosaur while traditional Japanese instruments were playing!! But then for the rest of the season, it was just samey echoey ambient electric guitar, like how it is for Juno. There could’ve been so much potential to give this world its own musical identity, but in the end, that attempt was dropped (at least that’s how it come off to me), just like so many other elements introduced in s1-2!

I’ve gotten this far in my rant, and I haven’t even talked about the story. And the story is. Hmmmmm

Like. It’s completely serviceable? Kabert are good at what they do so the story is a okay I guess? But to be completely honest, the characters and story were so tied together in previous seasons, so much so that in this season, even though the plot was just fine, it stayed just that. Fine. it always felt like there was something missing because the characters were the story, and to have just. So many holes in that department meant that the story itself was fundamentally empty.

Anyways uh. All of this is to say that this all boils down to character. I had my nits to pick with other elements but the fact that Rilla, Arum, Damien, Marc and Talfryn got completely sidelined (Tal most of all) when so much of the previous seasons were spent setting them up- in favour of a completely new storyline featuring new characters and settings when there was still so! Much! Left! Unfinished! From unfulfilled arcs to dynamics left untapped, and creative potential lost, the essence of the show was watered down and it left me with the intense feeling of

:/

Idk. Season 3 felt like a completely different show. I liked s1, I loved a2, but s3 just. isnt second citadel for me. I’ll probably still listen to the next season out of loyalty, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel as passionately about the shows future as I do it’s precious seasons, especially if they continue this way.

Sorry.

[lucidpantone]

I really hate the crew of wtfock for what they did to me. I was such a fan of the show since s1, I found happiness in every clips, every posts on insta, I found amazing people on tumblr, twitter, but everything went downhill in s4, I could not accept Kato as a main, I'm a proud black girl and this season broke my heart to the max. The inexcusable racism, the hidden hate towards POCs on social medias, the silencing voices... I even started to dislike some actors for being friends with Romi when she was the one who accepted to take away the role of a POC, to accept to play a racist girl and have discriminatory behaviour in 2020 of all that, and to even joke on her insta just because her friend said it was ok and she didn't even apologise when we called her out for it. Yeah they ruined my happiness and I can't even be happy when I see a wtfock post now. To even have Nora do a live and defend the season, saying that it's a prejudice based one ? Hurts me so much. And not even one excuses coming from the crew, nothing, it hurts deeply. I can't even enjoy anymore the beautiful fanfics that the fandom write. I read every zoenne and sobbe fics but now I don't even bother checking if there is new fic. I hate them for taking my happiness off me. They're starting to go downhill too with the lack of insta posts from their characters and only die hard fans of sobbe are here now let's be honest. Yasmina's season can't be saved if there is still Kato but a glimpse of sobbe will make the fandom shut up and they know it. It's sad and I'm so upset about it. Sorry for the rant but I so badly wanted to talk.

This is insanely long but these words are for my anon

Oh dear.....well am happy you told me and the looney tunes. I can’t say I blame you because s4 is so toxic and cruel on so many levels. You know some people will say its just a show “let it go” but I think what people don’t realize is what this show that you clearly loved tells you about the world at large. That even shows, brands, movements and celebrities can harbor questionable morality towards issues of race. S4 ended up being an exercise in showing [us/the audience] how morally corrupt the bosses of wtfock truly are and how at end of the day all those black boxes on instagram mean nothing when it comes to money. Because guess what? Platforming racist ideology does have a price and wtfock made it very clear that they got paid. Look am gonna tell you something that my anons have been saying in a coded way but havent said directly but lets just put it all on the table. 

S4 when Romi took the role it was not pitched as a season exploring interracial relationships or white privilege. It was never meant to be that. So Romi had no way in knowing what it would turn into. After the premiere night production panicked because they saw everyones disappointment towards the main(it should have been Moyo & everyone knows it even they do now) and took a hard left. Noa was meant to be Romi’s co-star but it was never meant to have all these racial undertones or not as extreme. The reason the script changed is because wtfock wanted to keep this whole “small engine that could” rapport going that they literally made the last minute call to try to tackle race relations. I mean to you and I we are probably like are these people for real? They are just gonna try to tackle race and white privilege as a story arc without having done the sufficient research and or had the man power in the writing room concerning writers with lived experienced on the topic. Yea, they did that. So anyways they “just decided” on a whim to tackle race *facepalm*. Now that decision in itself is an embodiment of white privilege. A bunch of white dudes wanted woke points and thought “race” yea we can totally do that topic unprepared. Hence why episode 2/3 were so damn repetitive and also literally made no sense. Am sure they pitched this to Romi as some super intellectual and thoughtful narrative that would hold deeper meaning. So I am not defending her instagram actions but I want to give her situation a bit of context. Also am pretty sure she tried to tell us in a round about way. Her insta post was just a display in lacking any awareness towards the importance and pain of BLM because she obviously just lacks race education or common sense but she is a 22 year old brand model so am not really looking for her to set an example. To me wtfock became in some weird way so high on fandom validation that they were egotistical enough to think they could try to tackle this insanely complex topic on a whim and with a 1st time screenwriter at that. S4 was doomed to fail from the start because it was a literal embodiment of unconscious bias that then turned into conscious bias because at one point they knew it was terrible while filming but they were too deep in to pull the plug. You are so in your right to be upset at them because to me the most hurtful thing is that THEY KNOW IT WAS BAD and they won’t address it and now they are going to use their token queer couple to try and fix this. Leave the gays out of it. You can’t fix racism with queerness it doesn’t work that way buddy(am looking at you Rutgers) especially for those who are part of both parties. Do I think a large part of the fan base will “forgive” wtfock for what they did? Probably, but its weird since technically wtfock should be asking their fans who are poc for forgiveness above anyone else. I guess I am not as pissy about the whole situation because am either cynical or emotionally numb to this type of fuckery. I would say concerning the cast and the crew it really isnt their fault. I hear from good sources a lot of them tried to say something and they were shut down. Look if you cant let this go then try to find some semblance of resolve over this. You’re allowed to be mad but at the same time this is the world we live in and this will happen to you again and again (trust me I speak from experience). I do hope you can try to find some comfort in Zoenne and Sobbe and try not to see the cronies of wtfock in their love stories but if you can’t then pack all their shit up and throw it in the attic. Maybe one day you can reopen that box. Last words of advice, happiness is a moving target because in reality it’s a compilation of moments that continuously mutate to accommodate other moments. So don't let s4 taint what moments you had with wtfock and try to remember the things you loved and if you need to walk then walk away. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now but trust me when I say what you feel is so valid and am so happy you spoke to me about it.

[lyssismagical]

anything for another run with you, i would do anything to be with you

Parkner Week Day Nine: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die” / hanahaki / pining

Based on Anything by dodie, and on S4-S6 of Glee’s Klaine, specifically It’s Too Late in S6 ep1 

  There was a time in Harley’s life where he thought they were forever, where he believed nothing could tear them apart, where he was certain that they were going to make it forever.

Peter had always been so bright, so infinite in Harley’s mind. A beacon of hope for a future together, a family, something they’d never really had in permanence before.

There had never really been a doubt in his head that they’d last forever, that they’d get engaged and then married, live together, grow old together. Whenever he’d think about a future, he always imagined it with Peter at his side.

The reality, though, is far from what he’d imagined when he was young and naïve.

Relationships don’t always last forever.

Harley pushes open the apartment door, taking in the quiet and the emptiness. It’s been months since Peter moved out, nearly half a year, and Harley doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the way the apartment feels like a black hole, dark and empty and sucking life out of him.

He drops his bag by the front door, hesitating because Peter used to hate it when he did that, but Peter isn’t here anymore.

It’s hard for him to let go of what had once been his entire life, his past, his present, and his future. The pictures of them are overturned, covered, flipped, but still out, still visible if he wants to see what once was. The things that Peter left behind like an old Midtown sweater, an older quilt, a few pairs of socks that were left in the laundry, are still there. Untouched, in plain sight, a painful reminder.

What was once Peter’s side of the bed is left properly made and unslept in, pillow still smelling like his cinnamon-scented shampoo. Harley’s side is a mess of rumpled sheets, unwashed because he doesn’t have the energy to do laundry most days anymore, and one of Peter’s old hoodies are under the pillow.

“We haven’t spoken in weeks, Harley!” Peter had shouted, throwing his hoodie at Harley in frustration. “I can’t keep doing this!”

New York’s a big place, fast-paced, filled to the brim with people, but New York was always Peter’s city. Peter is engrained into every piece of the city, no matter how far Harley tries to go, no matter how fast he moves. It’s impossible not to see Peter in everything.

The coffeeshops Peter used to study at, he went to nearly every single one in the area to try to find the best of the best. The parks, the tourist traps, the restaurants all remind Harley of their dates, of their excursions when they got too trapped in routine. The quiet alleys where Harley can remember them tumbling into, tipsy and giggling endlessly, mouths pressing against whatever surface they could reach, young and naïve and foolishly in love. The skyscrapers Peter used to swing him onto late at night, laughing and filled to the brim with adrenaline and warmth, kissing under the stars.

“What do you want me to do?” Harley shouted, just as angry after all the pent-up frustrations they couldn’t let out after all the time they’ve spent dancing around each other. “Between work and classes and extra-curriculars and you being gone every night superheroing. When do you expect us to have the time to talk?”

Harley sighs harshly, glaring at the ring that sits so harmlessly on his nightstand. He’d been thinking about proposing eventually, he’d bought the ring and everything, but things had started going bad and he hid the ring away. Now, it sits on his nightstand, box open and ring shining.

There’s a knock on his apartment door and he already knows who it is.

Out of the breakup, Peter got most of their friends because they were his before they were ever Harley’s. MJ, though, she refused to pick a side. She’s still friends with both of them.

When she gets into the apartment, she rolls her eyes dramatically at least six times at the state of his place before he can get a word in.

“This is just sad, Harley.”

“Fuck off.”

MJ rolls her eyes again. “Wow. I seriously thought you’d stop being an asshole to everybody after six months, but I want to remind you that I don’t have to be here. I don’t have to go out of my way and spend a few hours here every week, just for you. So if you wanna be a jerk, I’m going home.”

Harley slumps into one of the dining room chairs, sighing. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t pin this on everything else!” Peter said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t pretend this is just scheduling conflicts. This is on us! We’re not putting in the effort we used to. When was our last date night? We missed our five year anniversary a few weeks ago. We’ve been skipping our Friday Night Movies. When did we stop caring? When did we stop putting effort into our relationship?”

“You wanna talk? Fine, let’s talk. You stopped caring when Flash happened. You started pinning everything on me like I had owed you more than I could ever possibly give you. You stopped putting effort in when you felt like I had to put in all the effort to make up for what happened. I stopped caring when I realized I’d never be able to make it up to you, so there was no point in bothering.”

MJ sits down across from him, offering a sad smile. She reaches across the table to take his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “He still cares about you, you know.”

He shrugs, trying to pass off as nonchalant. It’s been six months, he shouldn’t hang onto every piece of news he hears about Peter. He hates that he never goes a day without thinking about Peter. One hundred and seventy-three days and Harley hasn’t gone one of those without thinking about his ex.

They’re not together anymore, Harley’s seen Peter exactly once after they called it off and it was when Peter cleared out his things from the apartment. Harley had cried that day, helped Peter carry some boxes down to his car, nearly falling down the stairs when his vision blurred. Peter cried too, tried not to make it obvious, keeping his head ducked and rubbing his eyes whenever he thought Harley wasn’t looking. But they’d been together for five years, Harley knew Peter better than he knew himself.

“You cheated on me last year!” Peter had cried, tears filling his eyes. “With Flash of all people! And you’re mad at me for being upset with you?”

Harley rolled his eyes, guilt still washing over him like it had been since it had happened the year before. “It’s been a year. I’ve done everything I could to make up for what happened, I’ve said I’m sorry, I’ve given you everything you’ve asked for. You said we could move past it but you’re still holding it over me.”

MJ rolls her eyes again, grabbing her phone and opening the photos. She shows him the most recent photo on her phone which is one of Peter. He’s standing on the balcony of his new apartment in the city, laughing at something somebody had said. He’s wearing a hoodie that Harley knows doesn’t belong to him, a college hoodie. He looks happy and well-rested and full of life.

“Who’s hoodie is that?” Harley sounds almost accusatory.

She hesitates. “Harley-”

“Is he seeing somebody?”

“Harley-”

MJ sighs, shutting off her phone. She stands and moves into the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of wine from the fridge and pouring it into two of his wine glasses. (Wine glasses he bought with Peter.)

He accepts the glass and takes a nice swig before waiting for an answer.

“Yes, he’s seeing somebody,” MJ admits. “I dragged him to a party with Ned and he met this nice guy there. He goes to NYU, double majoring in business and engineering. He’s a good guy and Peter really likes him. They’ve been on a handful of dates so far.”

Harley nods. He doesn’t like it, he doesn’t really have a choice but to find it in him to be okay with it. Him and Peter aren’t together anymore. That’s just the way it is.

“This is going to sound downright pathetic, but do you think I’d ever have another chance with him?” Harley asks, voice soft and quiet, scared of what the answer might be.

MJ shrugs. “Honestly, I don’t know. Peter still loves you, I think he always will. It’s impossible to throw a five-year relationship down the drain without a second thought, but I also know that Peter’s happy where he is now.”

“And he wasn’t happy with me,” Harley finishes.

“If you can’t let this go, then I don’t know how we’re supposed to keep going!” Harley shouted, heartbroken and angry and confused, but mostly scared of what he’s implying. “I can’t keep spending all my time apologizing for one mistake, and you can’t keep hating me for it. Either we find a way to work this out or we’re going to have to call quits. I hate doing this. Pretending things are fine when they’re not. I don’t want to continue on like this when neither of us are happy.”

Peter, crying and just as angry and scared, nodded. “Fine then. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how to fix this, I don’t think we can.”

Cheating on Peter with Flash had been a mistake, he knew that the moment it happened, despite it not getting further than kissing. He’d been drunk and they’d been fighting, and he wanted to get back at Peter.

He spent a year apologizing, buying things for Peter, doing anything he was asked to do, slaving over their relationship because he’d made a mistake.

“I know this sucks for you, Harley, I know how torn up you’ve been about all of this for months, but Peter’s moved on,” MJ says, not unkindly. “He’s found a new guy and I think they’re planning on making it serious. You’re still living in guilt and beating yourself up over it. You’re living like Peter’s just going to show up again one day and things will go back to the way you once were.”

“They’re making it serious?”

MJ scoffs, draining her glass of wine. “That wasn’t the point. The point is that you’re miserable and you’re beating yourself up for something that was only half on you.”

“But they’re making it serious?” Harley repeats.

“Fuck, I don’t know! Yes, I think they’re going to make it official, boyfriends and all, very soon. They really like each other.”

Harley lets out a harsh sigh, head falling into his heads. “I’m not beating myself up, I just- I still love him. I love him. I don’t know how to move on from him when he was the only thing that ever mattered to me, when I thought we were going to be forever. I want him back, I want us again. I don’t know how to move on from something that felt like everything to me.”

But the truth is that he doesn’t want to move on. He loves Peter, and he wants what they had back again. He doesn’t want to try to date somebody new or move away or try to restart on his own. He doesn’t want that, not when he knows where his happily ever after lies.

“I think you should call him and get closure. I think that would help you start moving on without him. Either way, I should get going. I have an early start in the morning.”

They say their goodbyes and pleasantries.

As soon as the door shuts behind her, Harley scrambles for his phone.

“Hello?”

“Peter,” Harley breathes, just hearing his exes voice makes the guilt in his chest wash away. “It’s, uh, it’s me.”

There’s a moment of silence, filled with tension and confusion and obvious worry. “It’s been six months of radio silence on your end… Is everything okay?”

“MJ said you were seeing somebody,” Harley blurts, voice shaking and blinking back tears. “I just- I don’t know. I know I screwed up, I know I made so many mistakes, I just- I always thought we were-”

“It wasn’t all your fault. I don’t want you feeling guilty over what happened forever. It was my fault we fought that night, it was my fault you never felt like you could be forgiven for kissing Flash. If I was holding that much resentment against you, I should’ve called it quits a long time before we did. Maybe then we could’ve worked things out a lot sooner.”

Harley sniffles, feeling awfully pathetic in an apartment that used to be theirs but is now only his, talking to Peter again. He wants Peter back so badly it hurts, it makes his chest tighten and his hands shake and his head ache. He wants everything they had back. “I know you’re seeing someone but I still love you, Peter. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I still love you. And I still want you back.”

“Me and Harry are happy,” Peter murmurs. “I do love you and I really think we can make being friends work, but… I don’t think I can handle that kind of heartbreak again. I think we both need time apart before we even consider coming back to this.”

“Tell me about him. About Harry.”

Peter hesitates. “You really want to know?”

“I’m still your best friend, Peter. I know things have been awful between us for the past year, but I think it’s worse being apart. I wanna know about Harry.”

Peter rambles about his new relationship, one Harry Osborn who’s nearly finished at NYU, who’s smart and funny and sarcastic and pretty, who makes Peter happy, who has money and takes Peter on expensive, extravagant dates.

“I want to meet him,” Harley says, as confidently as he can for somebody who’s crumbling under the knowingness that he’s lost the love of his life. “We should all have dinner together. Maybe MJ and Ned can come too. We’ll make it a thing. I wanna be in your life, Peter, even if it’s not the way I want to be.”

“Good. Because I want you there too.”

When they finish talking, saying quiet, scared goodbyes because their relationship is brittle and broken, and they never know what would be the wrong thing to say, and Harley nearly says I love you before he says goodbye, Harley makes himself useful. He finally takes down all the memorabilia of a relationship that’s over, he puts Peter’s hoodies in the back of his closet, he throws out the bottle of half-used cologne that’s been sitting untouched on their desk for six months.

He stops when he picks up the ring on his nightstand.

There’s a part of him that thinks he should get rid of it, sell it, maybe, or send it to Abbie for whatever use she might have for it, but there’s a part of him, a bigger part, that’s too attached. Even if he never gets the chance to propose to Peter, he’s still hopeful he’ll find his happily ever after one day. Even if it means pining from a distance over a boy he lost his chances with, even if it means watching him be happy with another man, even if it means playing the part of the best friend. He’ll be okay.

(Two years later, after long conversations and careful trepidation when things were finally piecing back together in a way that made more sense than it ever had, Harley buys a second ring and proposes to his two boyfriends. Harry and Peter both say yes.)

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