#sorry not fandom related again but its getting uncanny

[starfruit-baby]

begging on my hands and knees that people start looking into dogwhistles and patterns because i know its kinda difficult to watch for everything you look into online,, im not 100% Pure of it either but. Holy shit if i get one more terf accidentally shared on any of my socials im going to lose my fucking mind for good

[concussed-to-pieces]

The Mettle Of A Man; Part Eleven

Fandom: Fallout (4)

Pairing: Eventual Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Enjoy!

Part One: ArcJet

Part Two: The Prydwen

Part Three: Orders

Part Four: Finding Brandis

Part Five: Weston Water And Oberland

Part Six: Meeting Preston And Matthew

Part Seven: Radstag And Radstorm

Part Eight: The Return To Sanctuary Hills

Part Nine: Domestic Ruminations

Part Ten: Institutionalized

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains brief mentions of pregnancy (relating to bodily changes and a C-section) and a graphic depiction of an emotional/nervous breakdown. Stay safe!]

Two weeks and three days. 

  Danse wasn't exactly certain of what to do. It had taken his squadron nearly three weeks to track down Cutler, so three weeks had become his hard limit almost unconsciously. The paladin had never been overly good at resting on his laurels, but it wasn't like he could single-handedly lay siege to the damn Institute for a retrieval mission.

  Returning to the Prydwen without his charge might prove divisive , regardless of how many technical documents Codsworth had procured from the cul-de-sac's abodes. 

  Speaking of Codsworth…

  "Aw, cheer up man." Sturges comforted the robot, who (unless Danse was imagining it) was hovering a bit lower today. "I bet she'll be back any second now!"

  "Mister Sturges, as much as I appreciate your optimistic outlook," the robot sniffed dramatically. "I'm afraid that you cannot begin to understand the sadness I feel. I believed for two hundred years that I had lost Miss Vega, and to have lost her once again is...well, it is unbearable , Mister Sturges."

  Danse grimaced. Did he actually feel bad for a robot? He was, at the very least, sympathizing with it. What the hell was his world coming to?

  Knight Vega certainly kept some interesting company. Aside from the seemingly permanent presence of the elderly Mama Murphy, Sturges, Codsworth, and the married couple of Jun and Marcy Long, numerous colorful individuals had drifted through the settlement over the course of the weeks.

  First there was Cait, a woman with hair red enough to put Proctor Ingram's to shame. She blew into town, provisioner in tow, speaking with a thick, caustic brogue and toting a sawed-off shotgun. "I owe Backhand my life." She said shortly when Danse enquired as to what her business was with Vega. "She got me off the chems, so now I keep her goddamn caravans free from pests."

  She only stayed for a night, but she insisted that Danse join her for a sparring match. He wasn't afraid to admit that she put him through the ringer , his whole body sore the following morning.

  "Tell Handy Cait sends her love!" The woman had called before she departed, giving him a small smile. Danse had ruefully promised to do so, trying not to visibly wince as he waved farewell.

  One Robert MacCready followed shortly thereafter, who had acted like Danse being there would raze the town to the ground on nothing but principle. "I dealt with you ass--er, you jerks in the Capital Wasteland." The lithe man scowled up at Danse, pushing the bill of his hat back. He had a sniper rifle slung around his body with a barrel that was almost as long as he was tall, bearing an ornate, quick-slide scope.

  "I assume you are used to the charity of former Elder Lyons. The eastern chapter is no longer so benevolent, civilian." Danse growled, pricked by MacCready's blatant disdain for the Brotherhood.

  He could tell MacCready wasn't a bad sort, just overly suspicious and prickly. After serving with Knight Rhys for so long, Danse was almost tempted to tell the younger man that he would need to try harder to keep people away from him.

  "Backhand saved my kid." Robert admitted one night after he had been drinking by the fire with Sturges. "She...She helped me get the medicine I needed. Helped cure my little boy." 

  Danse knew he shouldn't be surprised that someone who seemed as young as MacCready had managed to procreate. But as he watched the other man toy idly with a tiny, battered tin soldier that he had pulled from his pocket, Danse felt that perhaps...perhaps Robert had the right to be a bit suspicious and prickly.

  The next visitor was a petite, dark-haired woman named Curie who had an incredibly strange accent. She was of the medical persuasion and curious about everything . Danse was a little taken aback by how blunt some of her inquiries were, but he did his best to humor her. 

  She seemed harmless enough, even if she was hellbent on learning the inner machinations of his entire existence. She asked everything in such a clinical manner, Danse didn't even have the presence of mind to be uncomfortable or embarrassed. 

  That is, until she asked whether he was sexually active and " when was zee last time you stimulated yourself, Monsieur Danse? " Then he clammed right up, loathing that he could feel his face going hot as he remembered exactly when the last time he had stimulated himself was.

  "I will not be answering any more of your questions about my personal matters, civilian." The paladin informed her curtly, caught off-guard by her plaintive cry of dismay at his refusal. 

  "But Monsieur Danse, I must learn zee secret of your overgrown size! You are so very tall and muscular compared to your contemporaries, my research could result in a breakthrough for your whole species! If you are a genetic throwback, zis could mean-" Sturges finally came to his rescue, ushering the wailing doctor away and shooting Danse a wink that made the paladin huff out an irritated grunt.

  Genetic throwback . Dogmeat was a genetic throwback. Danse just...maybe he had good genes. Both of his parents must have possessed more robust constitutions. That was the clear answer. 

  An elaborately-dressed ghoul had marched down the main road like he owned the joint a few days after Curie had come and gone, only stopping when he realized there was a fully-armored paladin aiming a laser rifle at him. "Whoa! Easy crewcut, you'll harsh my mellow." He exclaimed, taking off his tricorn hat and fanning himself with it. "The name's John Hancock," he continued with a showy little bow. "I'm lookin' for General Vega. She around?"

  "Knight Vega is indisposed at the moment, but you're welcome to leave a message, ghoul." Danse gritted out, oddly keen on attempting civility.

  Hancock whistled and Dogmeat came running over, immediately flopping onto his back for a belly rub. "Ah, there he is. My favorite of the general's mutts. Sorry, you say somethin'?" The ghoul asked lazily, the pitch-black void of his eyes boring pointedly into Danse's. 

  The paladin threw his hands up in the air after a moment and stormed off. God damn it, Vega, you could have warned me that you kept such diverse company! he ranted inwardly.

  The visitor that had nearly sent him into a conniption was an old synth, its skin ragged and tattered enough to show its inner workings. Sturges chatted away with the damn thing (and its traveling companion, a self-styled reporter apparently named Piper Wright) and Danse just floundered . Backhand made friends with synths?

  Ticking mentally over everyone else he had met during his stay at Sanctuary, Danse reluctantly admitted that yes, Backhand would absolutely make friends with synths. Perhaps he should have come to terms with that before everything that had occurred, but now here he was, fully kitted and watching this synth narrowly. 

  "Come on over and introduce yourself, big fella'. No need to glare from afar." The synth commented wryly. "From what I understand we're all on the same team."

  "If it's all the same to you, synth , I'll keep my distance." Danse could tolerate a lot of things. Ghouls, specifically. He had met numerous in his travels and while it was unsettling to converse with them, he knew they weren't all diseased, mindless shamblers despite what the Brotherhood had beaten into him. But synths …

  They were the embodiment of mankind's arrogance. Monstrous, uncanny, a mockery of bodily functions. They made Danse's skin crawl.

  Piper huffed indignantly, rolling her eyes and pointing a finger at Danse as she remarked loudly to Sturges, "I wasn't aware that Blue had rechristened this place Bigotry Hills."

  The synth inclined its head in the meantime, somehow giving off an air of mechanical resignation. "Alright, I'll go first I suppose, since you've forgotten your manners. Name's Nick Valentine. I'm a detective operating out of Diamond City."

  Nick Valentine . Danse's mouth became a desert. This , this was the detective Vega sang the praises of when it came to tracking down the man who had stolen her son? "Knight Vega failed to mention that you were a synth." He muttered.

  "She probably figured it wasn't relevant. After all, the Institute left me at the curb with another man's memories in my head. Miss Vega did me a good turn after I helped her out with that Kellogg fella'." The synth shrugged. "Let an old bot put a few more ghosts to rest." He dusted off the raggedy fedora he wore, those unnerving golden eyes focused on Danse. "I caught wind that something might have gone a little sour with her infiltration, so Piper and I thought we'd drop by and see if we could offer any sort of assistance."

  "And can you?" Danse asked, concern and suspicion making his tone even sharper as he glanced at the woman. Piper stuck her tongue out at him, to his chagrin.

  The synth looked regretful for a second and Danse pondered that its face could even convey such a complex emotion. "Probably not, but at least now I know I'm not the only one worrying about our doll Vega." It remarked shrewdly. 

  Danse blushed guiltily, dropping his gaze from that calculating stare. It felt like the synth could see every damn thing he had ever done wrong in his life and Danse loathed the idea of this machine being able to help where he couldn't. "I'll be watching you, synth ," he blustered. "If you step out of line-"

  The synth actually interrupted him, waving a spindly, metallic hand. "You'll what, melt me into slag? I'd be careful, I might do something nefarious like trap you in an intelligent conversation."

  …

  Danse's sleep schedule had never been anything even bordering on concrete, but now the worry kept him up more than the nightmares. A thousand scenarios ran through his mind, each one worse than the last. His fatalistic tendencies would be the death of him one of these days, and wouldn't that be a poetic end. Death by apoplexy, his heart just exploding under the stress of his own imagination.

  No one commented when he ended up abandoning that soft mattress in the front room of Vega's house in favor of planting his bedroll on the floor at the foot of her bed. He spent long hours there every night, disassembling his gun, cleaning it thoroughly and checking over his mods. 

  When he inevitably gave up on sleep, he would patrol the perimeter. Jun joined him fairly often, the soft spoken man having taken it upon himself to manage the security around the settlement.

  "At first, I think Backhand just wanted me to have something to do." Jun mentioned out of the blue one evening, his haggard expression illuminated in the faint light of the moon. "So she told me to uh, walk the property line. Marcy didn't know what to do with me. Hell, she didn't even know what to do with herself . Losing Kyle was…" the man swallowed hard. "Well, the general understood, on account of her own little one. She knew I needed to be kept busy, especially after that close call in Concord. I'm just glad Marcy didn't give up on me." He admitted.

  "Why would she have given up on you?" Danse asked, a bit confused that this conversation was even occurring. He didn't do this sort of thing. "Whatever transpired with your child wasn't your fault." He had never asked for the specifics and Jun hadn't volunteered them.

  Jun shrugged. "Being married is...full of ups and downs. And sometimes the downs are really, really hard. Too hard. It's terrible, seeing the person you love turn into some kind of...angry husk because of grief and you're grieving too, and you know you can't fix it because-" the man's eyes welled up, his voice hitching. "-b-because you're not strong enough."

  Danse's breath caught in his lungs because oh God , that had been him after Cutler. Frustrated, hollow, newly promoted and warming Arthur's bed out of duty as he tried to privately grieve the man he had lost.

  It had been Haylen and Rhys who pried him from his depressive, wrathful tendencies. Brandis had suggested that Danse consider sponsoring his own initiates, and recommended him two candidates. The young woman, barely into adulthood, so full of life and eager to learn, and Rhys had been angry like him. 

  More followed after those two, but they had been his first. He sponsored Dawes, Brach, Keane, Worwick...squire or initiate to aspirant, aspirant to scribe or knight. All the while keeping them at arm's length, reluctant to open himself up again to the suffering that had wreaked its havoc upon him after the loss of Cutler.

  Learning about Paladin Krieg's passing during the assault on Adams Air Force Base was a blade twisting in his back. Danse had felt like his entire body was on fire, raw with agony once more as everything he had tried so hard to keep under control collapsed beneath him. He emerged from that particular rubble stoic and grim, and it was shortly after that incident that Recon Squadron Artemis went dark in the Commonwealth. 

  Brandis was sent to die and you know it! That evening in the barracks had been one of the hardest in his entire military career. Danse had known he was lying, lying to every single man, woman and child in that room that he would pass along any information he learned about Paladin Brandis.

  But what else could he do?

  "You can't fix everything and every one, Mr. Long." The paladin murmured finally. "You'll only burn yourself out with the effort. All you can do is let time do its work."

  "Oh, I know." The other man said calmly, having clearly mastered himself while Danse mulled over his response. "Marcy and I had a long talk about...our son, and even though it still hurts to talk about him, I know someday it won't." He smiled at Danse. "Thanks for listening, Mr. Paladin. I can see why the general likes you."

  Danse may or may not have tucked that precious information away, deep down in his heart.

  ...

  Backhand had no idea how many days had passed since she had departed. The Commonwealth was relatively quiet all around the settlement as she took a few steadying breaths after relaying back, bent nearly double with her hands on her knees. Overhead in the night sky, the moon beamed weakly between the thick clouds.

  Staggering down the steps that were still attached to the bare foundation, a wave of exhaustion threatened to cripple her. Away from the artificial lighting and brilliant whiteness of the Institute, she abruptly felt like she hadn't slept in weeks. How long had she been awake for?

  Bed , Vega decided with a nod. Bed before anything else . With slow, trudging footsteps, the young woman made her way to the house where she had lived before the bombs fell. Whatever time it was, it was obviously late. There wasn't a light on across the whole settlement, and she was incredibly grateful that she would be afforded a few moments of reprieve before she was plied with questions.

  Backhand closed the front door behind her, doing her best to be quiet. Danse must be asleep. Either that or he had returned to the Prydwen. Vega was a little startled at how distraught that made her feel, like she had lost somehow. 

  She stifled a yawn as she jiggled the sticky doorknob to her room and, too impatient to ease the door open, she put her shoulder to it.

  The door flew open and she immediately found herself on the business end of a very familiar laser rifle. Vega couldn't help her shriek of surprise and in her haste to retreat, she toppled into the hall and landed hard on her back. "Wait, wait! " She pleaded, throwing up her hands in surrender. "Don't shoot, Danse!"

  The paladin just stared down at her for a moment, his brow slowly unfurrowing in recognition as he lowered his gun. "Elizabeth?" He asked, his voice rasping hoarsely.

  "Y-Yeah. Hi." Backhand replied, her voice shaky. "It's me." Danse extended his hand, easily pulling her upright off the ground. She half-fell against his body, the large man accepting the weight without a word. "Why are you sleeping in here?" Backhand blurted out the first question she could think of, noticing the disturbed bedroll on the floor at the foot of her bed. 

  "I assumed that should you return, you would most likely head to your room first." The paladin answered quickly, too quickly for it to be the truth.

  Backhand raised an eyebrow. "And the armed greeting?"

  "A reflex."

  Vega's hands curled into fists on his chest, taking handfuls of his shirt between her fingers. I missed you , she wanted to say, I missed you so much . "How long was I gone for?" She asked instead.

  "Seventeen days." Danse replied in a no-nonsense manner. "It appears your infiltration of the Institute was a success." He was watching her closely. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Knight."

  Vega wanted to kiss him, not missing the warmth of relief in his eyes despite his neutral tone. She hurriedly peeled herself off of his chest, awkwardly clearing her throat and casting her brain around for an excuse to leave. "I'm...I need to shower." She lied, grimacing. "I was going to go right to bed, but…"

  "Take your time. I'll remove my personal effects and return to my quarters." The paladin intoned stiffly.

  Backhand grabbed a random assortment of clothing from atop her rickety dresser and fled to the bathroom without another word. 

  She slid down the door once she had shut it firmly, closing her eyes and hanging her head. What the hell were you expecting, Vega? she chastised herself, starting to unlace her boots. Some kind of fairytale reunion where he sweeps you up into his arms and professes his undying love? And we ride into the sunset? Backhand scoffed, bringing her fist down on the side of the salvaged water heater to get it to function.

  Vega stared down at her body as she showered, feeling oddly like a spectator. The faint scar at the bottom of her stomach mocked her, taunting her with the memory of the hospital room, the swaddled Shaun being pressed into her arms…

  This was all so wrong. 

  She pushed the heels of her palms into her eyes hard enough to blind her for a moment, fending off the tears that threatened to close her throat. The scar was placed low enough on her body that the waistband of her underwear concealed it. She didn't have to think about it too often. Usually she avoided looking at it while she bathed, the surgical leftover making complex feelings of grief and resentment war inside her.

  Her fingers drew over the faded scar, then rose to brush the stretch marks that striped over her belly from where her body had changed to accommodate Shaun's growing form. And still her eyes were dry.

  Backhand emerged from the lukewarm shower and simply sat on the side of the tub, watching the water slowly swirl down the drain. She thought of the Institute, where clean water was just a faucet turn away. Free of parasites and radiation, bearing a faint reek of chlorine that had clung to her hair and skin after bathing.

  Her brow furrowed and she toweled herself off briskly, donning the clothing she had grabbed at random. The shirt was too big, unfamiliar, and she realized with a sharp pang of a strange emotion that it must be one of Danse's. Had he done her laundry while she was gone?

  The young woman hung her towel up to dry, scooped all her dirty clothes off the floor and padded back across the hall to her room. 

  Danse, true to his word, had removed his bedroll and pack from the room, leaving no trace of his previous occupancy. Vega dropped her ball of clothes in the corner and sank down on the edge of her mattress, putting her head into her hands. 

  I believe you will do great things for the Institute.

  Her fingers dug into her hair, raking through it in a nervous gesture. She didn't want to do great things. She had never wanted to do great things. All she had wanted was a family.

  A child, a husband, a modest house in a quiet neighborhood…

  The bombs had taken so much from everyone else, did she even have the right to mourn the life she wished she had? It seemed so selfish, so...petty.

  Shaun's crib sat empty by the door like always, but now its vacancy mocked her. Had she ever truly believed she would find her son? Or had she been lying to herself the whole time, trying to convince herself that she could have been a good mother and that it wasn't all her fault Shaun had been taken. Rage bathed her in a comforting blanket of numbness and Backhand clenched her fists, rising from the bed. 

  With a stilted, furious cry of, " fuck you! " she heaved the empty crib against the wall.

  It was a simple enough task to snap the rungs in it, blowing through them one after the other. Next the flimsy headboard, torn from the sides with a shriek of abused screws. Backhand broke it over her knee, pitching the pieces off to land somewhere as the crib teetered on two legs. She grabbed those last two legs, picked the remains of the crib up, and smashed it against the floor with all her might. 

  It exploded in a cloud of chipped blue pieces, effectively destroyed. Backhand screamed in frustrated anguish, sinking to her knees and wrapping her arms around herself. She hadn't even noticed she was crying, but the tears were hot enough to burn on her cheeks.

  She felt running footsteps vibrate through the floor, but she didn't so much as raise her head. 

  Danse, Danse , those brown eyes so warm and concerned, knelt in front of her. " Easy , Knight." He soothed. Backhand sobbed hysterically, her whole body shaking with each inhale. "Elizabeth." Danse said her name calmly, quietly, his arms falling open.

  The woman flung herself into his embrace, gripping his back tightly. Danse held her close, like she was small and fragile and needed to be protected, one hand on the back of her head stroking her still-damp hair. Vega just went limp, weeping pitifully into his shirt.

  "By Jove…" Codsworth breathed from the door. "Oh mum, I'm so sorry." She felt a metal pincer rest gingerly on her shoulder and Backhand knocked her forehead against Danse's clavicle when she turned her face to look at Codsworth. "You should have told us, mum. Whatever it is, it's all too much to carry alone." The robot scolded her kindly. "I helped you raise the little tyke, if you recall. We will always have those fond memories, you and I."

  "It hurts." Backhand said thickly. "It h-hurts so much. I just wanted him back."

  "I'm sorry, Elizabeth." Danse murmured, words laden with sorrow. And he didn't even know what had happened yet!

  "I don't want anyone else to be sorry. I-I want to take every one of that smug f- fuck's toys and break them. If he wasn't already on his way out, I would-" Backhand dissolved into seething, nonsensical muttering. "There's good people in the Institute." She said finally. "People who wanted to help. People who need to get out."

  "And the Brotherhood will do everything we can to save them." Danse promised solemnly, taking her hands in his own and making a sympathetic noise in the back of his throat as he examined the battered skin. "Christ Vega, you're full of splinters."

  "I just...I don't know, I shouldn't have done that." Backhand mumbled, feeling idiotic for letting herself get so out of control.

  "Not to worry, mum!" Codsworth cheerily clicked his pincers. "I'll have you squared away in a jiffy!"

  Danse didn't let her go as Codsworth painstakingly worked over her abused hands to remove every last sliver. The paladin even assisted when the robot asked, holding her skin taut or flattening her palm out on his own to keep her steady so Codsworth could get a better grip.

  Piper appeared in the doorway in the midst of the procedure, wearing a raggedy robe and carrying a steaming mug. "And there's our gal." The reporter said softly. "Heya' Blue."

  "H-Hey Piper." Backhand sniffled. 

  The other woman tipped her head. "Nicky's on his way. You want tea or coffee?" 

  "Coffee, please. Please." Backhand begged, feeling Danse's hold on her tighten slightly. She was sitting in his lap still, his arms around her while Codsworth worked. She hated herself for enjoying the comfort his proximity provided, hated herself for being too weak to deal with this on her own. 

  As if he could sense her thoughts, the paladin settled her back more firmly against his chest.

  …

  She was back. She had come back. Harried and haggard but alive . Danse could feel the tension radiating from her and he wanted to kick himself for greeting her with a weapon at the door. His brain hadn't even registered that it might be her , he had awoken from his uneasy half-doze to someone breaching the door and his body reacted.

  Danse wanted to question her. He wanted to grip her to his chest and never let her out of his sight again. He wanted to berate her for being gone for so long. He wanted to lay her down on her bed and--

  He shoved that thought away. She was obviously exhausted and worn from whatever it was that she had gone through. Now was absolutely not the time to voice the pesky, budding emotions that warred in his chest.

  He could sense the impending explosion hanging heavy in the air like the changing pressure of an approaching storm, but he hadn't expected the rupture to happen so soon. Vega was barely out of the shower when he heard the first crash , her yell of " fuck you! ". 

  Danse wrestled momentarily with himself, his hands clenching in the fabric of his sleeping bag. Expressing anger could be therapeutic in it's own right, and her getting everything out now might be miles healthier than bottling it all up until she imploded.

  But her sobbing cries effectively wiped his plan of inaction. She sounded like she was in agony and Danse didn't even remember tearing the door open. One second he was in his own room and then the next he was on his knees in front of her, " easy , Knight," his voice gone soft and tender in a manner wholly uncharacteristic of the usually stoic man.

  He couldn't help saying her name, her first name, even though he felt wrong for doing so. But she pitched forward into his embrace just like Haylen had, weeping as though her heart was fit to break. And all Danse could do, all anyone could have done, he assured himself, was hold her close.

  She had no care for the safety and wellbeing of her hands, he realized wryly as he checked them over for broken bones. This was the second time patching up her poor fingers, the first time feeling like a distant memory. Her shredding her knuckles to ribbons on the manual release of his suit, her complete disregard for her own comfort…

  Danse didn't move, even when the synth arrived on Piper's heels. Everyone crowded into the room and he knew he ought to feel self-conscious, but now Vega was the one refusing to release him . So there he sat on the floor with her secure in his arms, listening to the entire sordid tale as Codsworth quietly tidied up the mess that had been Shaun's crib. 

  The Institute was real , and it wound for miles underneath the Commonwealth. They had access to safe food and pure drinking water, all made possible by unimaginable technology. Her son wasn't dead or even a child, but instead old and frail. The years had stretched on longer than anyone could have anticipated between his removal from the Vault and Vega's own awakening. 

  The advances that made the generation three synths possible had been brought about by utilizing infant Shaun's pre-war DNA, and he was known as Father to all the synths. But he wasn't a father at all, at least not one that anybody would want to have.

  "Synths are like lower class citizens to these scientists. Expendable. Seen and not heard." Backhand explained, and Nick muttered something uncharitable under his breath. "They're not people, they're tools. Shit, Shaun even listed them off like that, he called the coursers hammers ." Vega spat. "But they think . They dream. Hell, they grieve even though they don't know that's what they're doing."

  She spoke of the courser mourning the loss of his friend, forced to grieve without understanding the feelings he suffered through and Danse was somehow full of sympathy for a damn killing machine. It must just be Vega's compassionate nature transferring to him. There was no way he could actually believe anything like that was even possible.

  Spinal recalibration .

  Danse wasn't sure why , but he felt a blunt stab of pain at the nape of his neck when she explained the procedure. It was probably psychosomatic, he reasoned. The process sounded gruesome.

  Nick flipped back and forth through his notepad, scratching at the side of his head with his pencil. "I'll need some time to look all of this over, sweetheart." He said to Backhand, glancing at Piper. "And you need time to recover," he continued in a gently-chiding tone. "You seem half-dead, doll."

  Danse realized with a barely-hidden start that he had begun to refer to the synth as Nick in his mind. What was happening to him? Had he been away from the Brotherhood for so long that he was going soft? Was his moral integrity being compromised?

  Or was he just coming to terms with something that he couldn't bring himself to label yet? 

  Backhand nodded, tugging the paladin out of his reverie. "I really want to sleep." She mumbled. She must have been truly exhausted, because in spite of downing the mug of coffee Piper had procured for her, she was slumped in Danse's arms. 

  Piper patted Vega's knee, giving Danse a stern glare. The paladin wanted to laugh at her attempt to intimidate him. "You get some rest, Blue. Nicky and I will do our best to compile what you've given us." She assured her.

  After the duo from Diamond City had left, Codsworth made a noise like he was clearing his throat. "I'm just so glad you're back, mum." He said, his words weirdly heartfelt for coming from a machine.

  Vega reached out and caught one of Codsworth's arms before the bot could leave, the young woman smiling wearily up at the Mister Handy. "I'm glad to be back, Codsworth." 

  Danse managed to usher her into her bed just as the sun was rising, but she grabbed his hand when he turned to depart. "Wait." Backhand whispered, her eyelids drooping. "Please...please stay? I don't want to be alone, Danse." A lone tear wound its way down her cheek. "Please don't leave me alone." 

  Danse planted himself in the chair beside the bed, laying his laser rifle across his knees. "I'm not going anywhere, Knight Vega." He promised her solemnly, taking a greedy, selfish moment to push the hair back from her face. "Sleep."

Part Twelve

[mia-cooper]

Fanfiction Questions

from here

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Involved as in ‘frantically read every book I could get my hands on, daydreamed about being part of that universe and wrote stories/made art inspired by the books, if not actual fanfiction’? Mm, probably The Chronicles of Narnia when I was six or seven. The next great obsession was The Silver Brumby when I went through my horse stage around age 12, and then Sweet Valley High when I was 15. Hahaha.

2. What is your latest fandom?

Marvel! I’m not into comics and I’m definitely not interested in consuming every last bit of canon material or memorising the variations of every universe, but I love (most of) the movies and Agents of SHIELD is pretty cool.

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

Star Trek Voyager. No contest. I venture to suggest that the older fandoms, the ones that are all about defunct shows, are a hell of a lot more chilled. Maybe because we’ve come to terms with our shitty canon endings and learned that liking the ship you hate doesn’t make someone problematic, unlike some newer fandoms I could name (Yes I’m talking about you, Game of Thrones fans. What the fuck.)

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

I’ve dipped a toe into one or two fandoms for shows or books I’ve really enjoyed and backed the fuck out when the vibe gets weird (oh hey, it’s GoT again), but nope. No regrets.

5. Which fandoms have you written fanfiction for?

All the Star Treks except TOS, and a Trek/MCU crossover. I’d like to write more for MCU someday. Plus I’ve written longhand entire notebooks full of teen romance shit that bore an uncanny similarity to SVH, and my first short story was a fantasy fic that featured a girl whose guardian was a wise talking lion who led her into mystical secret worlds, which is kind of familiar.

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Wow. I’m going to define ‘involved in’ as ‘cared enough about to have an OTP’, but I’m guaranteed to forget a ton. In no particular order:

Voyager: Janeway x anyone who can get her off

Discovery: Lorca x Cornwell or Pike x Tyler x Burnham (or any combination of)

DS9: Kira x Jadzia Dax

TNG: Picard x Vash, I guess? I don’t really have any TNG ships

ENT: T’Pol x Trip x Hoshi (or any variation therein)

MCU: Cap x Widow

AoS: Coulson x Skye... no May... no Skye... I don’t know

CAOS: Madam Satan x Zelda

Timeless: Garcy

The Good Place: Eleanor x Tahani

The 100 (shut up): toss up between Clarke x Bellamy and Kane x Abby

Veronica Mars: Veronica x Leo (first run), Veronica x Logan (s4)

Orphan Black: Cosima x Delphine

BSG: Apollo x Starbuck

SG1: Sam x Jack

Arrow: Olicity (so over the show now though)

This Life: Milly x Egg

Yeah you know what... I’m drawing a blank. I can’t think of any other shows where I’ve been invested in The Romance that much.

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

I’m too tired to do every fandom, and besides, I can come around to almost any ship if the headcanons (or fics) are convincing enough. I do have a few hard no-gos, but they might be someone else’s OTP so I’ll shut up about them.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

Reluctantly. The MCU movies are not something I ever thought I’d enjoy beyond a dull evening’s entertainment. I never expected to get attached to the characters. And yet.

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

Voyager is my forever fandom and the only one where I’ve really interacted with other fans. The best things about it? In general, everyone is just cool, accepting, open and basically awesome. And talented. I love my Party Bus people.

10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Sure. The 100, Veronica Mars and Agents of SHIELD are the ones I’d dip into more frequently. I really enjoy crossovers between Trek and BSG or the Stargate variants, too.

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP?

Janeway x Chakotay.

12. Who is your current OT3?

Janeway x Chakotay x Paris.

13. Any NoTPs?

A few.

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

Janeway & Tuvok! Also Torres & Chakotay, and I’d have killed for more Janeway & Torres in canon. (If they kissed sometimes that would be okay too)

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

Yeah. Paris x Seven. There are like two fics in existence, and yet ... the potential! (Sorry, B’Elanna)

16. Are there any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

Nope.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Janeway x Paris. And they’re still way up there, but not quite at the top.

18. What ship have you written the most about?

84% of my fics feature Janeway x Chakotay as either the primary or secondary pairing... holy shit.

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

Paris x Torres. I mean, I feel them. I just don’t generally feel the need to write about them.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Chakotay x Seven. In another universe, it could’ve been beautiful.

Author Questions

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

Actual story that was clearly fanfic? A farcical drunken romp told in the 24th century equivalent of email format called PADDemonium (see what I did there?)

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Lol, a few things that should probably have never seen the light of day for various reasons, some of them leola related. But I’ve only deleted two fics that I can recall.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Relieved. It’s a 30k AU Chakotay moral dilemma backstory that brings in DS9 characters, Section 31 and his longstanding history with AU Janeway. I did so much research for it (way back in the days before memory alpha and chakoteya.net) and I’m really proud of how I wound in canon stuff across series but changed a few key bits and pieces. Only problem is, it’s a sequel to ...

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

... Pressure, which I can’t even read without cringing. My characterisation of Janeway, even Angry Maquis AU Janeway, is way over the top and there are moments that verge on Mills and Boon and give me first, second and third hand embarrassment. God, I’d love to rewrite it. Actually, that’s a lie. I want someone else to rewrite it so I can read it without covering my eyes and moaning.

25. What’s your most popular fanfic?

Desperate Measures, by about 70,000 light years, lol. Although Fragile Things beats it on bookmarks.

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

You know what? A fair percentage of the time, I think of the title first and come up with a plot second. Aside from that, I prefer shorter, punchier titles that clearly tie into the story (Flight Risk, Speechless), though sometimes it’s song lyrics (Burn Our Horizons, your body like a searchlight) or a literary quote (Required to Bear, All the Devils are Here) or a turn of phrase from the story itself (The Prisons You Inhabit). Hey that was fun. Thanks for letting me pimp the shit out of my stories.

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

Ugh, it depends on the day. Summaries are harder, I think. I never want to give away too much of the plot, but there has to be enough there for people to know whether they’ll bother clicking. Funny story: I actually ran the stats on this a few months back. Here they are for your edification:

Fics with a one line plot summary = 54%

With two or three line plot summary = 18%

With a short snippet directly from the fic = 16%

With a snippet + a one line explanation = 3%

With a one line plot summary plus a line to date the fic (eg "set in season 3", “episode tag to Worst Case Scenario") or the fic prompt = 7%

And finally, a quote from something other than the fic = 2% (that's only 3 fics).

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

Ooh. I’ll say the final scene in Explosive.

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

I used to regularly ask @jhelenoftrek​ and @littleobsessions90 to beta for me, and both of them are brilliant at it. Lately I’ve been posting without sending my stuff off for editing. This is partly because I’m impatient to get stuff out there, partly because I don’t have as much time to write/edit, and partly because I’m a little less focused on improving my writing and more on enjoying it for its own sake.

30. What inspires you to write?

Little bits of episode dialogue I haven’t noticed before, other people’s fanfiction, stray conversations, fic prompts, song lyrics, random headcanons, fever dreams, dares ...

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

I’ve been really lucky with comments on my fic. The least helpful comment I’ve ever received was on one of my early 30k fics and all it said was “Did you have to take the name of the lord in vain?” Which is kind of funny. The nicest thing anyone’s ever said? I’m very partial to the feedback that starts “I don’t even like this pairing/genre/trope/show but you made me love it”, and particularly “I’ll read anything you write, I don’t care what it’s about.” But all comments are gold. The little heart button is cool too.

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

I’m not someone who can tune out music I love, or leave it in the background to inspire me. If it’s on, I’m fully invested in it. I’m that annoying person in the car who flips radio stations every three seconds until I find something I like and then it’s on 11 and I’m singing along to it. I’m also really picky but extremely eclectic, although there are genres I can’t stand (anything with autotune makes me stabby). That said, sometimes I find a song that I can’t stop listening to for weeks and often that perfect combination of music and lyrics will inspire me to write a fic. For example, I just plotted out an entire J/C story because of this song.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

All of the above. Although I’m not sure if my longest epic is huuuuuge or just huuuge.

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

101,467.

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

I have two drabble collections. One is all J/C, full of responses to random prompts and I add to it sporadically. The other is episode additions set on Kathryn Janeway’s birthday (May 20) and added to annually.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

Angst, definitely. Sometimes it’s smutty angst or fluffy angst or hurt/comfort angst, but often it’s just fucking unrelenting angst. And I’m okay with that.

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

I did the stats on this once, too, haha. Pretty sure I came out fairly even on first and third person with a smattering of second person in there. I’m probably even-ish on present vs past tense, too. I make it a point to mix it up to avoid my writing getting stale or same-y. And sometimes a fic doesn’t really click for me until I try it in a different POV or tense or from a different character’s perspective.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

I mostly write for canon characters - the fun is in all the different ways you can interpret and imagine them - but I’ve been known to throw in the odd OC, or focus on a character who only got a brief cameo appearance, or write about someone who only appears in beta canon, or who only rates a mention on screen.

39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

Oh, wow. I’m not sure. I guess the thing I value most about my own writing is my willingness to try different styles, characters, pairings and so on. The thing I strive for most is characterisation that feels true, and I really love it when I get comments on that. Exploring a character in a way that rings true with a reader is the best thing ever.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Overly long sentences and adverb abuse, haha. No, truthfully, there comes a point in most of my fics, particularly the longer ones, when I really just want to scrap it because in my heart I know it’s dreadful. Usually that passes once I slog through the ‘I don’t wanna’ stage because I’m a bloody-minded bitch, but sometimes fics do get left in the dust half-written. Honestly, though, they’re the ones that probably should stay there.

Fanfiction Questions

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

This is hilarious because I was just talking on discord about my problematic ‘to read’ pile. My unread AO3 subscription emails currently number 29 and my phone browser has 71 tabs open. So here are 5 random picks from that list of exactly 100 fics I should be reading:

Sex on the Beach (E, Janeway/Chakotay) by @traccigaryn​

The Ruby Ring (T, Janeway/Chakotay, Janeway/Tighe) by @trinfinity2001​

Earth is But an Idea (T, Janeway/Chakotay, Carter/O’Neill) by @caladeniablue​

Home (E, Janeway/Chakotay) by Cassatt

Wise Up (E, Janeway/Chakotay) by KimJ

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

Only five? Shit. Okay. In no particular order, these are five of the writers I keep coming back to:

quantumsilver (also here)

northernexposure

LittleObsessions

Helen8462

Cheshire

But there are so many others. My chosen fandom is chock full of amazing talent.

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

All of the authors above for various reasons, but also august because her writing is so spare and delicate and devastating, and runawaymetaphor because she writes the most delicious Janeway/Paris, and @seperis​ because I read In the Space of Seven Days literally 20 years ago and I still haven’t recovered, and I could be here all night raving on this topic but there are still many questions to get through.

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

Janeway x Paris. I’m so happy there’s been a little bit of a resurgence in J/P fics lately. Thanks, @curator-on-ao3​, you’re doing the lord’s work.

I’ll also take Janeway x Johnson content any day of the week.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

What the hell? I can’t pick just one! Ugh!

... but okay, here’s the first one that came to mind when I tried to think about this: if you came this way by tree. I’m not sure I’d call it my favourite, but it’s one I revisit often. Ugh, there are so many other fics I’m thinking of now that I really want to list.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

Oh, that’s hard. I should probably pick an angsty smutty J/C because that’s a fair proportion of what I write and it’s good to let a new reader know what they can expect. But honestly, I think the best fic I’ve written is The Uncharted Sea. (It’s safe for work. Maybe not for makeup.)

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

The Archive, of course. Where else can I find ad-free hosting on a stunningly user-friendly interface with absolutely no moralising content restrictions and the world’s best tagging system? That Hugo award is well deserved.

Tumblr is good for headcanons and meta and gifsets and a few other formats that I’m less likely to post on AO3 because I’d feel like I was pissing off people who subscribe to me by giving them some random garbage.

I also have my own website, but I’m not really sure why. Sometimes I post fic there that doesn’t make it to tumblr or AO3.

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

I try to. Honestly I do. I love it when I get reviews, so I figure paying it forward is the least I can do. I’m less scrupulous about leaving comments when I’m busy or reading on my phone.

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

I mean, I love it when people reblog, but I certainly don’t expect it. @arcadia1995​ is amazing for reblogging stuff *blows kisses*

Nobody owes fanfic writers shit, but I feel like there’s a tacit agreement that if you like what you just read for free and you’re on a platform that makes it easy to do so, you leave a review or at least a kudos, because I’m not gonna lie, posting a fic you’ve worked super hard on and seeing it get very few kudos or comments is a bit deflating. I’m sure a lot of us have been there.

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

During Voyager’s original run I was trawling the internet for Endgame spoilers (I don’t know why; I usually love surprises) and I guess I googled (or whatever the 2001 equivalent of googling was) something like “how does voyager get home” and somehow I stumbled across Revisionist History. At first I had no idea what I was reading - was this a lost story pitch that somehow got leaked? A professional novella commissioned by the showrunners?

Then I started following links and discovered yahoo groups and webrings and Trekiverse and fanfiction.net and all sorts of incredible things I’d never guessed at, including the now defunct ‘archipelago of angst’, a collection of Voyager writers who focused mainly on a darker Janeway than most of the other fic writers I was encountering, and I was hooked. So I wrote a few of my own pieces, and then I lost interest for 15 years. I’m still not sure how I got dragged back in.

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Honestly, in what other way can I indulge my obsessions, hone my skills and talk about it endlessly with like-minded people? Where else can I instantly find a plethora of fiction about the exact topic I feel like reading about on my mobile device and for free? Fanfiction is fucking amazing and I’m so glad it exists in my life.

[lokaneiscanon]

Mighty Thor in Thor: Love and Thunder rant

Seeing Natalie Portman returning to reprise her role as Jane Foster, nevertheless wielding Mjolnir, finally getting the treatment this character deserves, was surreal to say the least. I had just started reading Lords of Midgard, the 8th issue of Mighty Thor (2015 - 2018), and had fallen in love already. But I didn't suspect at all that Taika Waititi would pull this card in Thor: Love and Thunder, considering Jane was barely mentioned in Ragnarok. The news about my favorite actress portraying one of my favorite characters coming out of the blue - you can imagine the excitement. Alas, I quickly remembered what the fandom thought of that comic (at least on tumblr) and imagined it now growing tenfold, cuz not everyone in the MCU fandom reads comics but pretty much everyone wants to watch another Thor movie. And yes, many fans weren't ready for this step, still recovering from Sam Wilson getting the shield in Endgame. Which is completely fine. We're not obligated to like everything Marvel throws in our faces, we're allowed to criticize and express our opinion on the internet or wherever. What is not okay is mindlessly hating, and even worse - using false facts to support said opinion.

I have seen some people using the argument that it is one of Marvel's worst selling comics. Which has already been proven wrong by multiple sites, including Comichron, just Google it, as I did myself. I read multiple posts, ones saying how good Jane is doing as Thor in sales, others disproving this, so I checked for myself the numbers at the site mentioned above month by month to be sure. The comic truly had its downfalls as the story progressed but in my opinion it's normal for the 1st issue to have more sales than the 21st. If we compare it to Unworthy Thor, which started running a bit later and followed the now unworthy Odinson, the data shows the latter had more sales. But then again, while Might Thor was at its 17th issue, Unworthy Thor was at its 2nd. Also, they later crossed paths, shared comic issues, it's fair to say they go hand in hand and Jason Aaron, the author, probably doesn't want us to compare them, as they complete and compliment each other's stories. Still I decided to check the comic that made Thor unworthy in the first place - Thor: God of Thunder (2012 - 2014), which seemed to me more "comparable" to Might Thor (2015 - 2018). *I keep putting the years it was being released so as to not be confused with previous Mighty Thor issues, whole Odinson was still Thor, please bear with me* So yes, the numbers were pretty close, but from what I saw, Mighty Thor had the upper hand if we compare first issue to first issue and so on. (In defense of Odinson, we have to take into account that this data is only from the US and does not include digital sales. Also, he's been around since the 50s. We could argue Jane was a breath of fresh air that some Marvel fans were indeed ready for. As a non-American, and also a person without a hint of knowledge in economics I cannot take into account inflation and whatever else has prevented or enabled Americans to get their hands on the comics or has affected prizes through the years. Bear that in mind.) Moreover, from what I saw on Comichron, both comics had much competition - God of thunder was released along with Avengers vs the X-men, the Uncanny X-men, pretty popular at the time, and the Goddess of Thunder faced Civil War 2 and DC Universe Rebirth (yes, DC is in the game too), also dominating with tremendous sales for the longest time. Yet I stick with my original statement - both Thors are valid and shouldn't be put against one another regardless of profit. Because at the end of the day what will matter the most is the story. And boy, what a story it is.

Now, I haven't read the Thor: God of Thunder, but as I was doing research I found one very well written summary and explanation of Thor's arc and his becoming unworthy and I will post a link below, because I honestly feel I wouldn't be doing this comic a favor by describing it without having read it. Which I plan to do in the future, tbh. It's a fantastic prelude to the Mighty Thor (2015 - 2018) that I've come to love. First, I'd like to ask you all to stop hating on the comic without having read it first. It doesn't make any sense and being petty for the sake of being petty won't benefit neither you, nor anyone, really. Now, about the comic itself - the art is magnificent. It's just gorgeous. Mighty Thor isn't , thank all the gods, sexualized, she is pretty buffed and generally looks like a warrior. As it is with the other characters, I dare say. The background truly captures the essence of every world Jane finds herself on. Action scenes are just the right amount and balanced with dialogue well. On a side note, it's pretty funny to read/listen to in your head the Shakespearean English cursive in which Jane talks as Thor. The plot line branches beyond this comic, starting from Thor: God of Thunder and leading to the War of Realms. And it is elaborately built in every issue. You don't know what to expect, yet it makes sense when it happens. Which leads me to the characterizations. My God, what a treat Loki is in this. Clearly, my opinion is kinda biased, since he's my favorite character, but you never know which side he's on. What his motivations are. And it just feels so... Loki. His writing is brilliant. Almost makes me forget what the MCU did to him. Also, he gets some daddy time with Laufey (not as kinky as I make it sound). Frigga/Freyja is just as awesome as in the MCU, even more, at least in the comics she calls Odin out on his shit, who btw is I guess an asshole in every version and universe. Malekith, the main villain, is unbearably despicable, I want to tear every page he is on. He really was mishandled in the Dark World, if you want some true action with the dark elves, you are welcome to enjoy. I saved the best for the end - Jane Foster/ Might Thor. Now, if you think Dr. Foster spends her time boasting about her worthiness and how Odinson is just called Thor, but she is Mighty Thor, you are horribly wrong. She just... does her job. Because the hammer chose her. Because there's no one else to do so. That's it. If you think there's some feminism involved, yes, there sure is, but it certainly isn't the reason Jane became Thor in the first place. It was not the creators going SJW because it's trendy, as such a mindset is honestly offensive to any descent creator with any self respect, but a well thought out story arc, which, I repeat, you have to read the comic to understand. Jane is not at all whiny about the hate she gets in-universe, not only from foes like Odin and who-not, but from Shield and generally people whose asses she's saving. Her having cancer is not something they pulled to provoke sympathy and make her look like a victim - on the contrary, she is a damn hero and a victor. I don't want to give out spoilers, but her being Thor is actually a giant sacrifice that no one really appreciates (both in-universe and in the fandom). She is not Thor to prove she can be, or just to prove "women can be heroes" - she doesn't have to. She is simply needed by the realms and so she does her job, even though she is called a thief, persecuted and generally hated. All that matters is that the hammer finds her worthy - the beauty and simplicity of that fact you will find out, for the last time, if you read the comic.

I'm not making you read the comic or watch Thor: Love and Thunder. I myself don't know what to make of this film yet because there's barely any information about it. I only know it will be based on the comic so that's a reason for my hopes to be up already. On the other hand, since I didn't like Loki's characterization in Ragnarok, I'm not sure what to expect from Taika. There are valid reasons to not like the idea of Jane returning to the MCU as Thor, which you are entitled to. However, reasons such as "why does everything have to be political these days" are not. Because if I had to make a list of everything politically related in the MCU, it would take forever. Steve Rogers kills nazis is the most blatant example. Make of it what you want. But I think we're far enough into the 21st century to realize art and real life are not that separable. It's undeniable that art affects people and that is to say, people everywhere. And they all have different opinions and aren't gonna like everything media is offering to them. And I wish I could simply tell you not to watch the movie but I'm a Marvel fan too and I understand that I can't just take away Thor from you because I want Mighty Thor as well. But none of us can stop Marvel from producing it. So, to quote an image I saw recently, I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about other people. Let the rest of the fandom enjoy what they want to enjoy. Yes, ik I can play around with the tags and avoid posts that unnerve me but, for example, I'm looking up Mighty Thor fanart, which obviously isn't anti-Mighty Thor, yet I get attacked in the comics for anticipating a movie that doesn't even have a full cast yet. Ik I'm not asking for too much when I wish to get the same internet experience (not only tumblr, but also insta, YouTube, Twitter, any site) as the Thor Odison fans, for example. I'm aware I cannot stop all the toxic fans and the trolls but I hope this post has inspired those of you who simply can't envision Jane as Thor, or don't like Natalie Portman in the role, or whatever eles personal preference that doesn't involve political issues and isn't harmful to the community, not to attack every post on your dash with hate. The movie is called LOVE and Thunder, for God's sake. (on a side note, is a franchise that is too afraid to show LGBT characters for more than 1 minute so as to not lose profit from China, THAT politically correct)

Anyway, that was a veeeery long rant, sorry to whoever reads this but, like, please, I put effort into this, hoping this time around I won't be the only positive reviewer of a movie, like I was with Solo: a Star Wars story (yes, I'm still bitter about this), which was boycotted for no apparent reason but was a decent film in reality, and I'm only bringing it up because it has a similar experience to Love and Thunder for getting hate before even being released. I'm not defending a billion dollar company that flopped in box office once, I'm defending the viewer's right to media they are interested in. If you don't like the character, remember - that's your opinion, not a fact that the character sucks. Kudos.

Not very easy to navigate, I advice you to do the research month by month individually for comics you'd like to compare. Also, if you happen to find more reliable data, pls say so in the comments.

Here you have the summary and explanation of the greatness of Thor: God of Thunder, Jesus, I'll go bankrupt if I buy this one too.

Yes, I want to end the sales dispute once and for all, I'm tired of seeing it on my dash. This guy probably explains it better than I did.

@awesomejenlawrence you said you'd like to read this and I delivered

[tarithenurse]

Space Nurse 5/?

Fandom(s): Men in Black & MCU! Pairing: (Wait and see) x fem!reader Contents: Probably some cussing and slight bit of angsting. A/N: switching from 1st person PoV in the diary, we now get to enjoy some 2nd pers PoV “live action”! Leave me an ask or reblog to be added to the tag list...even if my writing will be slowing down considerably now that I have to prep for last internship’s exam.

From Nightingale to Sci-Fi

You’re unable to finish the breakfast due to the nauseating anticipation of what’s to come. Good thing you’ll be tending humans the first while, at least their physiology isn’t new to you. Nooo, only all the things they can suffer from in their line of work! You’re far from rested after having spent the entire night studying alien parasites and whatnot. It explains the frequent physicals they need to go through.

Abandoning your futile attempts at finishing the yoghurt with muesli, you stash the tray in the rack and turn around to head off only to nearly slam into the solid shape dressed in a black suit with matching tie which seems to soften and lighten his skin. Looking up into the smiling face of agent Jay, you gravity that tries to pull you stumbling backwards, minimizing the movement to a soft sway.

“Easy there, newbie,” Jay grins as he slips an arm around your waist to steady you, “didn’t mean to scare ya’.”

Slinking out of his steady hold (and tearing your gaze away from his endless eyes), it’s easy enough to deny his claim and if he doesn’t believe you…well at least he doesn’t say it.

“Spend most mornings trying to sneak up on…newbies?” The words fall testily over your lips.

When Jay smirks it makes his feathery moustache tremble. “Nah, only the one’s I’ve been told to assess.”

The two of you’ve started walking and you vaguely recognize the path that leads to the locker room. He’s a relatively tall man, at least compared to yourself and you’re not exactly the tiniest person. Even so, there’s nothing unsettling about walking next to him because nothing about his person carries the air of the other cold and anonymous agents you’ve encountered so far.

“There’ll be one from either bureau evaluatin’ ya work and skills every day. I’ve been tasked to represent Men in Black. Doctor Cho was supposed to be the delegation from Shield and –“

“Wait.” Pausing briefly to look at the friendly face to make sure you didn’t mishear. “There’re two fractions at play?”

By the time Jay finishes explaining about Strategic Homeland-something-or-other and Men in Black, your mind’s fuzzy with semi-political history. Your new acquaintance isn’t clear on who knew about the extra-terrestrials first, but it’s apparent that MiB have specialized on the field and it was a director of SHIELD, a guy called Fury, that arranged for a meeting to build a cooperation. One day, rumour goes, he was sitting in the office of “Alpha”, the chief of Jay’s organisation.

“So…I’m not actually part of neither Men in Black or SHIELD?” Pulling out a set of scrubs from an automated dispenser, you continue into the locker room.

Maybe he doesn’t notice, or he doesn’t care, because he follows dutifully. “Nah, durin’ the trial period y’are in neutral territory. Once assessed, we decide which agency ya’ll fit with, ya know…skills, temper, shit like tha’.”

“Don’t I have a say in it?” you ask, brows raised although he can’t see it because you’ve got the back to him and your head halfway into your locker.

Kicking off shoes, there’s no sign the man will leave, and you decide to change while he keeps talking.

“Ya want a say in – oh okay, we’re doin’ that!” You hear him shuffle about and a glance verifies that he’s turned away. “It’s not that I mind, ya see. Nothin’ wrong with…with…ahm…” The shadows of flailing hands doesn’t provide him with the needed vocabulary. “Aaaanyways! So…erm…well if ya got any preferences, we’ll be happy to hear ‘em.”

The scrubs from the hospital back home used to be white, maybe with navy leggings depending on the model, so it looks odd to you with the pastel yellow. I’m like an Easter chicken! Baggy pants and unshapely t-shirt, at least both have huge pockets for pens, notebooks with charts and vitals, and much more that you’ve come to learn is handy to have nearby during a shift. Pushing the locker-door shut with a dull clang, you straighten up and breathes in deeply in the hope that it’ll steady the nerves once and for all.

“Let’s do this.”

…

With doctor Helen Cho gone one of the people responsible for your introduction (though apparently only for a little while) is a young SHIELD-scientist although her expertise lies in biochemistry, making her less of an obvious choice to work in the infirmary in much the same way Helen’s focus on genetics does. But doctor Simmons in kind and brilliant, and she willingly explains that most of the doctors at this facility aren’t “ordinary” doctors due to the special needs any disease or injury related to extra-terrestrials require. As such, it’s up to you and the handful of other nurses to cover the gap between the professions.

No pressure. Sure, you’ve done your fair share of stiches and cleaning wounds...but you’re no surgeon, of course, and as your mind lists all the manners your expertise can be insufficient you feel your heart fall. Even though you’d been surprised to be offered this job (and since then shocked to find out what it entails), you don’t want to be deemed unworthy. Damnit, you bicker at yourself, if I gotta leave it’ll be me walking out as a protest.

…

You don’t leave that day. Instead, the time is spend doing regular checkups and collecting blood and urine samples from the many (human) employees that have been called in in advance. Some of the equipment might be fancier than at your old job, but the procedures are perfectly familiar, putting you at each and freeing your mind to make small talk with the military personnel which apparently are being checked these days.

A few of the faces are recognizable from the hallways or the cafeteria, there’s even a set of twins (whom you’ve assumed was actually just one very busy guy) that recognizes you from the gym. Red hair and brown eyes equally aflame with joy barely able to mask a glimmer of mischief when they each in turn offer you to join them for training or company at meal time. After seeing the second out, you take the liberty of noting down their names just in case you take them up on their offer.

And so, the day passes surprisingly quickly with you in one room together with the “patients” and agent Jay and doctor Simmons, the two people who has a power over your future, in the lab except when they decide to check up on you or stop by to give you a message. No one joins you for lunch, and by the time the day ends, you’re thankful that neither of the two leaves with you even if it means walking the halls alone.

…

You’ve had an hours rest before needing to be ready for the daily torture at the hands of the trio in charge of your training. Dragging your sorry ass and buzzing mind to the gym, getting insulted and yelled at is the last thing you feel like because even if the day technically speaking has been simple, getting used to a new work place is taking its toll mentally.

Dropping the little towel and water bottle in the treadmill’s holders, you know the first part of the training session you’ll be left mostly alone as long as you don’t run too slow. A few beeps with the buttons starts the preprogrammed, torturous, cardio workout.

15 minutes in, and your lungs are burning as though someone’s filled them with acid, forcing your body to work on anaerobic metabolism and sheer stubbornness. Breathe in while left-right-left, breathe out while right-left-right. On and on, the mantra drones while the empty gaze stays fixed on the barren wall at the other side of the room. Just a…bit more. You know you’re lying to yourself, but it’s easier to handle one more minute at a time than all 15 at once.

By the time the machine slows to a halt, some unknown deity must have taken pity on you to prevent your legs from giving out under you. Wiping the sweat away with the little towel (and stifling a groan of discouragement), the only goal is to drag out the time before one of the three buddies turns their attention to you.

“Hey, [Y/N]. Right?”

The cheery voice right behind you makes you snap around so fast you nearly trip yourself, and four hands shoot out to steady you. What was their names again?

“Woops,” the other twin smiles (or maybe it’s the same that spoke before), “didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Heh. Nono, you didn’t,” you lie with a half-hearted smile, “I was just erm…mentally far away.”

The one you think might be Sean looks solemnly around the boring gym. The place is styled á la minimalist institution with once-white concrete walls and linoleum in some uncanny greenish hue that looks more like mold than anything you ought to have indoors.

“Next time…please bring me along.” The sigh would seem honest if it wasn’t for the twinkle in the brown eyes.

“Oï!” Of course, his brother (possibly named Ian, depending on who’s who) isn’t about to miss out on anything as he elbows his way closer, sending maybe-Sean slightly off balance. “Anything particular in mind? Otherwise I’ll show you the good places around here, just say the word!”

Their enthusiasm and smiles are contagious, rekindling a happiness that has otherwise been dampened since you left home. You’re just about to answer, accepting the offer in the need of having some sort of friends in this foreign place, when Costa sidles over with a brow arched in disapproval. Clad in shorts and a sports bra, showing almost all of her toned body, you’re reminded of the inferior status thrust upon you – and for obvious reasons when it comes to physical prowess. If it was only that, at least. But no. Of course, this warrior-lady somehow manages to look gorgeous and be smart too, and a pang of mixed emotions in your chest prompts you to look away.

“What’ve we got here?” The slightly nasal Caribbean dialect is honeyed. Too honeyed. “The havoc-twins are trying to sabotage my recruit?”

“Ma’am, no, ma’am.” Both guys’ drain in the split second it takes before they answer in unison.

Smoldering eyes turn frosty, freezing the guys and you to the spot. “Good. I won’t tolerate anything but perfection, and if you mess with my work, I’ll make you regret it. We clear?!”

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” You bite your tongue not to answer with Sean and Ian.

“You can have her when I’m done.” Costa’s words sends a new wave of heat to your cheeks for no reason you should be thinking of. “Now move.”

Watching the twins scurry off, you wait silently for the punishing rant that must be brewing for you.

Nothing.

No harsh words or degrading comments slip Costa’s lips while she instructs you on the use of some equipment meant to exercise arms and chest. Oh no, her punishment is way more refined, much crueler. From one machine to the next, she pushes you beyond the limits you thought you had in a gruelling manner where raw strength and endurance are brought to the test until you literally pass out, losing your grip on an elastic cord as you slump unto the floor. Weather it’s the sharp whip against your face from the equipment or the impact with the linoleum that wakes you, well that’s impossible to tell. Either way, it’s the burning humiliation that hurts the most as you try to focus on the face of your tormentor.

[scooperkin]

I've seen someone draw the puppet with muscles (I have the picture on my phone)

Sorry I got a bit carried away with my insight on this and the fnaf characters, style and designs in the form of horror media so it’s long and under readmore

Forgive me for any writing errors, this was written on impulse and I probably won’t look into fleshing it out:

I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with art or portrayals of the Puppet with more human-based anatomy features but it’s tiring to see this non-stereotypical gendered entity/child’s toy that isn’t supposed to be presented as anything near human both for the in-universe creative of the children’s imaginations, but also as a horror character that is importantly keep vague because a as a horror character, the unknown of what it could be and it’s odd undefined behavior coupled with this vague humanoid but, UNhuman frame makes it scary to in-universe adults, as well as real fans.

So seeing it so commonly characterized as a shapely-human just ruins the original intent and just takes away my interest in whatever story or fanart is being presented to me. And while this is a personal opinion and really doesn’t matter in what content people should do as if it disinterests me I’ll move on but those who enjoy it will still enjoy it. And there also fan content I’ll still occasionally remain interested that present not just the Puppet but other fnaf characters in campier and, stylistic content; any more serious, spooky, horror or more faithful fan media that has both the Puppet and other FNAF characters portrayed more comfortably artistic light, such as the Puppet having a “motherly” body shape (most likely thanks to Living Tombstone’s FNAF 2 song), as well as Toy Chica’s already feminine body pushed further with more defined features about her body (*ahem* boobies). And notice again how a lot of this is more aimed at the more “feminine” of the cast.

Circus Baby, along with Ballora, are the only animatronics that ends up being drawn straight up as organic entities even when in the presence of their fellow Funtimes, still depicted as their more horrific, robot designs. It’s fine if they’re drawn as regular furries and Baby and Ballora as human women (or little girl), its a chosen style someone chose, and again this isn’t wrong just because I don’t find it interesting enough, it’s not my cup of tea and I move on. But, several times I’ve come to accounter, more organically designed characters often are reduced to basic human features in their design. The Puppet gets curvy, Ballora and Baby get real hair that fluffies and moves organically, Baby herself often made into a tiny cute friendly young girl. The (fixed) Mangle, and Funtime Foxy getting more curves and floof. And don’t even get me started on people who sexualize these characters to the point they’re just human bodies with cartoon heads to just be more comfortable with consuming not safe for work content of them, proving as well these character’s designs, in the long run, don’t matter in this nsfw work, but that’s a different subject on a different type of content for a different day. (And notice how all these characters are feminine? While Scrap Baby can be portrayed as a cute girl in fan content but Molten Freddy is still what he is in the game in his fan content.)

Circus Baby is highlighted by the fact she is a massive robot towering over even the tallest of men, a single eye of her’s can fit two if not four pairs of human eyes in it’s size. Her fingers, thicker than most children’s arms. Is TERRIFYING. And she’s supposed to be. She’s a horror game character. Her scale towers over adults, their parents, the protectors of their children. Her movements are jerky and uncanny, her stare to an older audience member or child can give them the creeps. But ultimately her design–safe, safe for children to run up to, and safe for a child to trust. While her existence and design as a whole in-universe and above the surface is so supposed to be a large child, an older sister, still young enough to play with you but old enough to trust to be alone with. But behind the stage, back underground, that’s not who she really is. I’ve never seen Circus Baby as a giant child as she is seen to the outside world, no because underground, in the darkness she’s kept, we’re shown the real her, the true her. She isn’t some dumb playful child, she is a discerning actor. And her “real” mental age can be debated and discussed among fans, but it’s clear she isn’t an arrogant child. And more specifically for me, I see her depicted as an actress. An actress who’s been conformed to take on this child role both on and off stage. She purposely has a voice higher, she purposely choices her innocent-word structuring. She’s acting, she’s Pretending for the sake of her own safety against this Location she’s in. When even being off character for a moment such as taking a rest off your stage gives you a painful shock. It’s not too unusual as several stars and actors, usually young and more impressionable ones are told to act a certain way even with off-screen. A good example of this is several child stars on the work of Disney Channel original series. They tell their actresses to dress a certain way, to speak in a higher voice, don’t be serious, always smile. Because it earns the trust and love from children viewers better than just, Bella Thorne or Miley Cyrus being her honest self off set to their younger fans. Too risky, keep your voice pitched up. And even though you’re 19 please, please don’t act like it, act younger, the kids won’t ever relate to you if you sound too old, if you act to old. So while Baby and the other Funtimes’ situation is a very exaggerated version of this (no don’t worry no disney stars are getting shocked when they don’t act hard enough) to the point that it’s a horror genre story about it makes sense why this is unsettling as a player and in the Funtimes’ shoes.

So while Baby does everything to keep pretending, this is something Ballora can’t do. Ballora can’t pretend, she refuses. She refuses to pretend when under the surface away from the crowds and people, where she’s alone and can be herself. But she doesn’t get that, she gets shocked and ends up being scooped to “fix” her. Too much free will. Foxy isn’t explored as much but I feel goes through the same trouble as Ballora. And the only one who is seemingly left unpunished is Funtime Freddy, not even getting his own room, just stored somewhere until it’s time for a show. It’s implied he’s either the least sentient out of the cast or the one who acts closest to his original programmed personality. But either reason leaves him unpunished, not locked away for safety and disobedience. He’s unpunished but left alone in a single storage room. But whoops maybe having him follow his programming better than the others wasn’t the best idea. As he gets confused to when he’s on or off stage, when he should be sleeping, forgetting this hug is too tight for a child, or that said child is actually an employee that happened to go into the Breaker Room and is in fact not a birthday boy.

So Baby is unsettling both by design, in context, as well as her history, being created by the infamous William Afton making her again, do things she didn’t want to. So when I see her turned down into cutesy little teen girl or small child, and portrayed as such, I can’t help but again lose interest. And once again this is more of a personal preference, that isn’t how I understood Baby to be, or that she needed to be fixed from a large scary robot to cutesy bab. But it’s how others want it and I step away.

And I know this sounds like I’m going everywhere with this, and barely has to do with your ask, but I fear my post may have been mistaken as I feel this ask is talking about a way people shouldn’t draw or portray the Puppet when I wasn’t trying to say and I’m sorry if it came across that way.

As it stands a muscular portrayal of the Puppet is harmless, and a rarity in re-contributing fan media when compared to the more favored “curvy” puppet design trend. And of course these portrayals are no big deals in the end, and it’s just a preference but, I see more and more young artists following these trends because they seem more normalized. And no it’s not the original artists, of the young artist’s lack of understanding but, the fact that a lot of the fnaf fandom doesn’t treat fnaf like the horror media it is. Which is fine on it’s own, but when it’s brought up, I can’t help but look at a large side of fans like I’m looking at a Happy Tree Friends AMV with a song like this. Yeah Happy Tree Friends is a disturbing creation on it’s own but it’s not because it’s done in seriousness and the fact it’s cutesy IS what makes it disturbing, not any relevance it has to a subject or stories its trying to tell. So paired with a song as intestine and serious in tone as this one just seems…. silly. The editor wanted it to be horrific and scary but with the content at hand… it’s nearly impossible to do and takes a lot of figuring out to make work and only a few horror media can pull it off. And once again maybe this is just a me problem and how I intake content, for me FNAF is a horror story, a tragedy, it keeps you up at night not because the fiction itself is scary, but the contents implied and the contents hinted. Freddy Krueger was a sadistic child murderer in life because it was the evilest and scariest human conduct he could think of. And it’s why it’s so disturbing in FNAF that this ominous purple figure for the first few games was clouded in mystery and terrifying because while Krueger he killed innocent children, the purple figure was scarier over the fact he worked with these children, and he might still have worked with said children and he was Never caught and we didn’t even know his name back then. But we, the player saw him. Then we’re given just his vague actions of not only killing innocent children for no rhyme or reason (and any reasons at the time being just as horrifying )he then“Stuffed the victims in the animatronics” makes you think about how utterly disturbing that is. How did he even manage to do that, how did they not find him, that’s so horrible? And if the Puppet did that, why? The Puppet is vaguely sympathetic or is it? Because why would it do something so disturbing and as horrible as stuffing children into metal suits to the point their blood and organs leaked out, even in the name of “saving” them. It’s still horrible! It’s still tragic!

So when I see attempts at acknowledging in the horror in FNAF I want to give reminders that despite everything, Baby was HORRIFYINGLY big, looked had a cuteness that leaves people with the uncanny feeling of a porcelain doll’s stare. (as well as Ballora’s horrific treats being based off that).

That the Puppet despite everything it’s not a human, and has never been shown to bend in the same way a human can, and when it does move its arms and legs are still stretched out in space as it jumps in to kill you.

And to keep aspects like this when creating fan horror content or original horror content. The simplest of choices are usually the best ones, the feeling of being unable to move while your vague unknown attacker's inch closer and closer, to walk blindly in the dark with dangerous creatures. And in the end of this scary tragedy, or wanting things to be happy again, trying to solve the mystery, trying to make the horrible less horrible, only death awaited. For all of us.

[copperbadge]

Infinity War: A Review As Long As The Movie Itself

Okay, so I saw Infinity War a second time and most of my thoughts were unchanged plus I had one cool new one, and I have had a lot more sleep now than I had in the early part of the week. So I think now I’m good to talk about it. 

This is mostly a series of observations rather than a coherent review. Spoilers, very obviously, below the cut. If you are on mobile and can’t see a cut below before a massive wall of text, please scroll fast if you don’t want to be spoiled. 

1. I mentioned this before but this movie does feel like a series of video game cut scenes. Part of that is visual -- more than any other MCU movie, there are times when Infinity War is an animated film. There are a lot of moments where it’s just straight-up CGI with maybe Josh Brolin’s eyeballs. The two most noticeable ones are Thanos waking up with the soul stone and Thanos and Iron Man fighting on Titan, probably because Thanos is, uh, he’s not always very convincingly animated and the new model for Iron Man is a bit on the uncanny-valley side (the head in particular is weird). 

But also, there is so much to cram into the movie that every scene has to dump a lot of info pretty quickly. Which is not necessarily bad -- they do it very deftly -- but it means we get a series of tastes rather than a good main course. We get hints of where Steve, Sam, Wanda, and Natasha have been, but no real information, and it’s treated as if it’s basically irrelevant. We see Wanda and Vision in a secret-romance situation, but we never really see anything about why their relationship works or how they got there. The same with Peter and Gamora. There’s been bedrock laid down for these relationships in previous films, but there’s no building on that bedrock. And when you get to non-romantic relationships that gets even thinner because it’s difficult to no-homo a male friendship in the time allotted and 90% of the characters in these movies are male so there’s a shitload of relationships that fall by the wayside. 

I had some interesting conversations about how Peter Parker’s death scene was really dramatic and carried a ton of impact for Tony, and that’s good, but that is a scene I think Bucky and Steve should also have gotten and couldn’t because the no-homo in a very obviously parent-child relationship is much easier to convey. (Also because of a later point I’ll get to, see 10, where Tony and Peter in the Death Scene have to stand in for literally every other relationship.) 

2. A thirtysomething heterosexual white boy mad about his girlfriend doomed half the universe. Peter Quill’s lack of self-control indirectly caused the death of trillions when he punched Thanos, and that’s all I could think about during that scene. It’s so funny and so unfunny at the same time, because while it’s a (perhaps unintended) commentary on a lot of recent mass violence in America I am 100% sure that he will not suffer consequences for it. I mean, yes, he’s dead as a consequence, but LBR he’s not staying dead and when he’s back alive again he will suffer no ill will from anyone lasting longer than five minutes of Tony yelling, maybe. 

Also, I get that Thanos is big and strong but surely cutting his arm off would have been faster than pulling the glove off. I would imagine there are all kinds of arguments against it (he can still control it if his hand’s still in it, cutting his arm off would wake him, etc), but I’m pretty sure “narrative necessity” is the top one. 

3. I’m uncomfortable with all the Holocaust-y blown-to-ash imagery in the Death Scene following hard on the heels of, and then being followed itself by, a bunch of scenes that really seem to want to make us sympathize with the person who caused it, including one where he walks on water. (I can already hear people saying “It’s dust not ash” and that’s a conversation people can have if they want but in a moment that Gamora explicitly describes as a genocide in which trillions of people die because of a so-called lack of resources, which was, you know, a real Hitler talking point in the thirties, I’m not only reading it as ash, I’m reading it as a very specific kind of ash, and that’s not gonna change.) 

There is so much time spent on trying to make Thanos sympathetic in this movie. I get that they want him to come off as if he believes he’s the hero, because that’s basic good-villain writing 101. But less sympathy for the devil could have allowed room for the actual heroes to get some more character development. Thanos is so ludicrously over-powered by the time we meet him that I don’t really give a shit why he does what he does, and if the story IS a commentary on the brutality of genocide, then like, we don’t really want to be sympathizing with the guy committing it.

But because of all this, what I am hoping for in part two is a real hardcore demonstration of how evil he truly is to balance how sympathetic they tried to play him here. We see hints of his monstrosity under a veil of self-assumed virtue in this movie, occasionally. There’s the torture of Nebula, of course, and Eitri’s hands are also evidence. We have enough to see that he’s not just a crusader, he’s also able and eager to torment and maim. So I’m hopeful for more of that and less of his Purple Man’s Burden in part two. 

Related to this is a scene where Thanos says one thing that I think is really vital to his monstrosity, though I doubt this was intentional: he says it will be an objective genocide, “Rich and poor alike.” Really, we know that wealth causes excess consumption and hoarding of resources; you don’t have to kill half the population to balance its resources. You just have to kill the richest. However you feel about capitalism or wealth accumulation, whether you think killing the rich is justifiable, if you’re going to just slaughter a bunch of people in order to fix shit, you slaughter fewer for a much higher ROI if you slaughter the rich. That’s just....accounting. And the fact that Thanos doesn’t acknowledge this says to me that at the end of the day he wants the power of life and death, and he has no justification for it. But the problem is that I don’t believe the writers examined that line themselves or even thought of it, which makes me worried about whether we will get an expression of Thanos’s evil without a justification of his actions in part two. 

4. I’ve never seen Peter Dinklage in anything other than this, and after seeing the film for the first time I asked a friend, “IS he a terrible actor in everything? I didn’t think so, people seem to like him, but he’s dreadful in this.” The second time round, it was pointed out to me that they’re artificially slowing his voice, which makes him seem ludicrously overacted. Sorry, Peter Dinklage, I misjudged you, and this movie done wrong by you. 

5. Normally I don’t fully enjoy Rocket in the Guardians movies because there’s just a lot of him and the 2-3 jokes (what is he, he likes to murder, he’s a jerk) get old fast. I enjoyed him in this, because he got what I feel is the appropriate amount of screen time vis a vis the rest of the movie, and also Bucky picking him up was super funny. 

6. Bucky’s face when he sees the arm and asks where the fight is, weep loudly if you agree. Sebastian Stan can say more with his face than some actors can with a full on monologue. Also I am writing a fanfic about Bucky’s time on a Wakandan farm, working title: “My Dumb Goats.”

7. Literally nobody saw Sam Wilson die and I’m circulating a petition about it. Come on, at least give him a witness. Fuck. I think Sam’s death actually hit me the hardest because there wasn’t even anyone there to say goodbye to him. 

8. I gasped when Red Skull pulled his cowl down, oh my Jesus what a moment.

9. The first time I saw Captain America: Winter Soldier, when Bucky stood up without the mask, a woman behind me said, “Oh my god, it’s his BEST FRIEND,” with amazement in her voice. Watching Infinity War, when Gamora started going off about how Thanos doesn’t love anything, the guy in the seat next to me said, “Oh no, IT’S YOU.” I sometimes really enjoy going to movies surrounded by people who aren’t in fandom and don’t read subtext as quickly as fandom does. 

10. Here’s my new theory that is maybe not new and has been super obvious to everyone else forever. Preface: it’s not that I didn’t know Iron Man is in a shitload of the Marvel movies, or that I didn’t find that significant. We know that “I am Iron Man” is frequently considered the start of the MCU timeline even though Steve Rogers was the first avenger, and the first Iron Man film is iconic within the MCU (though they have never gone back to it for visual or thematic inspiration which is frustrating). 

But it seems really evident now, having seen part one of two and having seen Tony Stark in it, that not only is this “his” film in many ways, but the MCU to date is Tony Stark’s saga. Maybe I’m just slow to pick this up, but when he says Thanos has been in his head for six years, it was an indicator -- inadequate, see my Cut Scene theory, but still, it made me realize -- that the Avengers films and even many of the character films post-Avengers (Civil War and Homecoming, most obviously) are the story of Tony’s struggle with the shadow of Thanos up through his face-to-face confrontation with him. 

Like, we’ve seen that it’s something Tony grapples with, but I hadn’t realized that grappling was the entire point. In Age of Ultron, Ultron actually become a macguffin, he becomes a secondary indicator of Tony’s obsession with Thanos rather than a villain in his own right, which almost makes me want to watch that movie again even though I hated it. The vision of death and destruction Wanda gives Tony is Thanos-driven, and all his actions in every film post-Avengers are motivated by his fear of and antipathy for Thanos, even if he doesn’t yet know his name or face. And this is why Strange gives up the Time stone to save Tony, because that one win in fourteen million losses depends on Tony Stark. 

This is also why Peter Parker and Tony get a lot of time to bicker like family about nothing in particular throughout this film, leading up to the one true dramatic death scene in the Death Scene -- because for time’s sake they could really only pick one death to fully engage with, and it had to be the one affecting Tony, and we had to see them bonding to see WHY it affected Tony. He’s got to be the one to end Thanos, one way or another, and will likely be some form of uniting factor among the surviving heroes in the climax of part two. Which, I have a significant level of admiration for how deftly that process has taken place, even if I know that it will 99% likely lead to Tony’s permadeath in part two. 

It also makes me wonder about RDJ’s guiding hand in these films. I’m given to understand that even on movies where he’s not producer he often brings in his own script doctors to ensure he’s getting the best possible role he can get. I wonder if he and Kevin Feige had some kind of offer-you-can’t-refuse meeting once it became evident that the franchise was going to really come together as a single, if heavily branching, narrative. It also makes me wonder how much of the “RDJ is the Godfather of the Marvel Universe” we’ve seen in recent media is a talking point the actors were given in their press-interview briefing packets. 

11. Okay in the credits at one point it says “Character from Arrested Development courtesy of 20th Century Fox.” What....is up with that? What character? I don’t watch the show. 

12. SUPER EXCITED FOR CAROL DANVERS IN A GENERAL SENSE AND ALSO SEVERAL SPECIFIC SENSES. 

So those are my thoughts. Go ye and engage with them, I guess. :D

Did you enjoy this review or find it insightful? Consider buying me a buttery tub of popcorn at my Ko-Fi or via my Paypal!

[kaaramel]

Algernon Luc Perreault, Baron of Haunted Dolls

(this is my first time doing this specific character creation dance and i’ve obviously not ever played nobilis so i’m open to critique/workshopping and also truly can’t believe i’ve done this.)

In their mortal existence Luc was a banker, moderately well off, with an almost aggressively mundane life. Since being taken under the metaphorical wing of The Longest Furby, relatively recently, they’ve assumed the responsibility of caring for the bizarre wildlife of her Chancel, the Uncanny Valley; peeled the skin off their own hands; and generally been unimpressed with divine life. Still, they have acquired a certain unflappability; they’re exasperated by new and bizarre events, but rarely actually disturbed, not for long.

Haunted Dolls...

...inspire confusion, fear, and alarm (2)

...resemble living things, but aren’t (2)

...have their actual danger exaggerated (2) 

...are collector’s items (1)

Of course I mean this Estate quite broadly, as “any doll-like or stuffed-animal-like object that’s at least a little bit uncanny valley” - taxidermy, figurines, etc. included; and it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the ghostly type of haunting, I just needed a pithy summation and I listen to just enough MBMBAM to not let this opportunity go.

Luc has a lot more Persona than Domain, but they do have The Sovereign’s Gift (Lesser Animation of Haunted Dolls) and can therefore bring mundane dolls and toys to life, granting them unsettling, jerky movement. If I understand the rules (which I don’t) the dolls can then use Luc’s Shine to do stuff for their creator’s sake, which makes them actually kind of impressive. Whenever possible, Luc brings the new creature back to the Uncanny Valley and lets it join the growing population of slightly horrifying living toys there.

The Uncanny Valley

Everything stretches farther than you’d think.

Gardens will be fruitful.

If it looks like a living creature, it can move and speak.

The abandoned have a place here.

Your imperfections are loved.

The Longest Furby’s Chancel, the Uncanny Valley, is a deep crevice, folded in on itself such that it passes outside the mundane world’s notice. It is accessible from almost everywhere if one knows the right mental trick; it involves a sort of gradual approach to any mundane, constructed doorway, but not actually going inside. The Chancel itself is bursting with lush growth, cultivated gardens, and beautiful babbling streams, and it’s populated almost entirely by living dolls - mostly Furbies and things that resemble Furbies, but not entirely. Besides the better-known mechanical kind, several species of organic Furbylike creature exist here, blending mammalian and avian traits to various degrees; I hope the largest are maybe the size of a medium dog, because anything larger starts distressing me a little to think about, but you never know.

The place has sort of an Island of Misfit Toys vibe, because most of the residents have been deliberately modified, or got broken once and then mended, or were always kind of unsettling. It’s got a little bit of benign Hell-nature to it, I suppose, in its acceptance of oddballs and rejected things. Between the gardens, the guarantee of finding a place, and the ability to metaphorically and literally stretch their supplies, it’s a very hospitable spot, for people able to look past the mild creepiness of their hosts.

Attributes

Aspect 0

Domain 1

Persona 4

Treasure 2

with 8 MP each. Nothing too fancy; I think they prefer to keep out of actual conflicts, and bluff their way out of bad situations with Persona tricks, amping up their own creepiness and/or how dangerous other people perceive them to be.

Their primary Treasure is a pair of magically-imbued elbow-length soft leather gloves made of their own skin, which hasn’t been replaced; Luc just walks around with clean, bare skeleton hands. It’s fine. Both the gloves and the hands are kind of super gross if you think about it too hard but it’s fine. 

The gloves are capable of animating, floating around, and doing simple tasks autonomously, or more complex ones under telepathic mental direction, without anyone actually putting hands in them (I don’t know if I need to ...spend something, somewhere, to give it this ability, or if I get to just declare it?). Mostly they are left behind in the Uncanny Valley and are used for the benefit of all the residents who don’t have proper hands, including The Longest Furby herself. The +1 Tool bonus applies when they’re used for sewing repairs.

Bonds/Afflictions

Affliction: I am always dignified. (3)

Affliction: I can peel the skin off anything. (2)

Bond: My hands are bare and skeletal. (2)

Bond: I’m still connected to my old skin. (Treasure bond) (2)

Bond: I take care of small creatures. (2)

Bond: I always have the perfect outfit. (1)

Bond: I take my Imperator’s commands seriously, even the goofy ones. (1)

... I still have a couple points to allocate but I’ve run dry on ideas; maybe they have a mundane Furby or Furbyesque critter as another Treasure? I guess so. Like a weird stumpy little gryphon familiar. That’s cute, and would probably annoy them, so yes.

Passions/Skills

I’m going super out of order with these, aren’t I? Sorry. Mostly it’s that I’m not confident about this bit in particular, at all, but I guess it’s fine.

Passion: I want an uneventful life. (3)

Passion: A good outfit gives me confidence. (2)

Skill: Accountant (2)

Skill: Express sincere emotion (-1)

Cool (1)

Shine (4) (from Persona)

Why do I keep making accountant OCs? Listen, if I ever figure it out I’ll let you know. Something in my hindbrain insists that Luc used to work for a bank and I’m just rolling with it. Are all the skills and bonds relating to outfits and fashion and dignity overlapping too much? Also a mystery to me. Let me know.

Lifepath

As above, their Estate is Haunted Dolls. Their Keys are Gorse (Something In Thrall) and Oak (Something that Hasn’t Changed.)

Gorse Heart: Held In Thrall

This Furby nonsense.

Disturbing, but I can’t look away.

Nothing exciting to go back to.

I have to figure Her out.

There has to be meaning to this.

Gorse Shadow: Entangled with my Enemy

I can’t let go. 

I’m weak.

Longfurby keeps introducing me to her weird friends.

This Key is strengthened by:

An Estate that’s ‘something you can point to’ (i.e., dolls. Straightforward!)

a Humble mortal life (they were nobody special and preferred it that way.)

A connection to the Cammora (I don’t know what sort of connection! Even the merest shadow of the concept amuses me, though. OOC, a couple folks in the fandom have accused The Longest Furby of being a Mimic or an Actual; maybe she’s discreetly under investigation in-universe too and the Cammora have approached Luc?)

Song of the Light (I’m not suuuuure about this one but I’m not sure which of the other Affiliations it’d be, either. I don’t think they’re independent enough for for rejecting an allegiance altogether, or for the Wild. There’s arguments that could be made for all four of the others, so I just went with the one that strengthened their Key... I guess it’d make sense that, ultimately, they’d favor humanity over everything else, even as they feel increasingly disconnected from it (see below). I don’t know if it’s possible to change this later but maybe as they progress along their character arc they’ll get more sympathy for the weird stuff and start listening to Hell instead?)

and weakened by: 

a connection to Aliens (all the weird Furbies and Furby-adjacent creatures Luc keeps befriending with deep reluctance, from the Imperator-level ones all the way down to the mundane ones they animate with their own powers. A quirk/blind spot is that they don’t really differentiate between a mechanical, magically animated Furby that used to be totally inanimate and the ‘natural’ ‘’’organic’’’ ones native to the Uncanny Valley.)

Oak Heart: My Identity

Sensible and distinguished.

Calming influence.

Exasperated but unfazed by strange events.

Former banker.

Oak Shadow: Crisis

Privately, I’m deeply unsettled by the changes in my life.

This Key is strengthened by:

More than anything else, they are Something Cool (they’re nothing grandiose, nothing especially weird in and of themself, not deeply passionate - they just roll with the punches a little Too calmly.)

An Estate that represents the dark side of the human experience (to be pretentious a moment: not really the uncanny qualities of the dolls themselves, but the judgement we collectively render on things that don’t fit an accepted mold. does that work...)

a Humble mortal life (again)

and weakened by:

the Legacy of their humble life is Alienation (Luc doesn’t feel especially connected to humanity anymore - per Song of the Light they still care about humans, in the abstract, but, for example, they don’t have strong ties to their mortal family (no outright falling-out, I don’t think, just drifted away). They can’t get that emotional connection going, and that freaks them out if they think too hard about it. They’re trying to think of themself as above all this change and upheaval in their life, and fundamentally unchanged as a person, and outwardly sure, maybe, but underneath that they’re really kind of not.)

This is so fucking much. This game is wild. Technically I think I should be writing Domain and Persona difficulty charts - let’s be real, I probably will - and probably some other little details, but I’m leaving it here for right now! I was going to put a disclaimer on this like “I’m not taking this too seriously, I don’t have plans to use it in a game or anything,” and I don’t, but listen, people keep saying they want to incorporate Longfurby into their games. I am helpless before this tide, and if anyone does in fact put their money where their mouth is on this one, you’re certainly welcome to include Mx. Perreault as well, if she needs Powers.

All credit for actually making the original Longfurby and bringing her into our physical world rests with @furbyfuzz​, who is wonderful and excellent.