#sorry normally i wouldnt bring this up by i used to love him so much and now im annoyed

[day-mark]

why is punz so fucking embarrassing 😭💀

[imwetforyourmom]

heading for the door pt2

pt1

summary: what happens after the breakup?

warnings: mentions of cheating, mentions of lack of eating, crying, swearing, fem!reader, ive never been in a club so mb if its poorly described, meantions of drinking and alcohol, help yall idk what else

sorry this took so longg

~

y/n held her knees to her chest as she sat on her bed. she was only staring at the wall infront of her. the creamish popcorn wall. nothing special about it, nothing special going on.

the only special thing she could think about was matt, even though she knew she shouldn’t. she was only tearing herself down more and more.

the thoughs of matt holding her, mumbling hush words to her with a sweet and caring tone of voice, the memories of them going on picnic dates together and laughing and giggling the entire time came flooding back to her, just as her tears did, overflowing from her eyes.

the realization of her actions and what had happened only sunk in after matt left, and that was almost a week ago.

she’d been in bed all week, no motivation to get up, shower, get dressed, nothing. she couldnt bring herself to move herself to do important things, such as eating, the last she’d eaten was almost two days ago.

but as of right now she couldnt focus on the gurgling and rumbling of her tummy, the way her body ached, the constant pounding in her head, the overwhelming thoughts, no. all she could think about was how she’d never feel matts touch, hear his voice, see his clothes lying around, as much as she hated picking all of it up, now she’d absolutely kill to be able to do it again.

but no. everything, absolutely everything was gone. and there was nothing she could do about it, except wait until something happened, just hope that maybe she’d find the motivation to move her sore and aching body off the bed, take a nice and warm shower, brush her teeth and take care of herself, eat a delicious and big meal.

she hated how she felt, how she couldn’t even look at a bracelet on her dresser, a bracelet her and matt had made to celebrate their two year anniversary. their two years of loving one another, two years of giving as much attention and affection as possible, spending two years of their lives together.

all of that was gone. she couldnt relive any of it, she couldnt bring it back somehow, she couldnt do anything except accept that she ruined everything, she ruined the love they had for eachother, the life they built together.

“am I not good enough for you?” the words rung through y/ns head, being all she could hear. the words she never wished to come out of her matt. the words she absolutely hated since he spoke them. she hated the way they made her feel. she hated how she felt sick to her stomach when the words processed through y/ns head.

knowing that he felt as if he wasnt enough and was basically worthless to y/n absolutely destroyed her. knowing matt was everything, everything. he was everything to her. without him she didnt feel like herself, and now that he was gone and gone for most likely forever she’d always feel this way.

she couldn’t feel complete, a part of her would be missing for forever and she’d never feel comfortable with herself. never feel normal. never feel the same joy she felt when she was with matt.

god, she built her entire life around matt, relying on him for her everything, her happiness, her grounding, her safety and comfort. she was so used to being with him, that everything she saw or heard reminded her of him, and what did that do? nothing. it only made her feel worse.

• • •

“come on y/nnn, you havent left your bed in a weekk, just come out, and you’ll feel better.” the text read, y/n stared for a moment, thinking all the thoughts of what would happen if she went out.

what if she saw matt? it wouldnt matter. they’ve broken up anyways.

what if another man reminds her of him and she breaks down and sobs? highly doubt that would happen, matts one in a million.

what if she gets black out drunk and calls matt? she hopes she does, maybe they’ll get back together.

y/ns thumbs moved across her keyboard quickly, pressing the letters and forming a sentence.

reading it over and over again, y/n made sure this is what she wanted and what she wanted only, not basing it off of anything to do with matt.

“yeah ill come out. pick me up at 9.” she pressed send and clicked her phone off.

she took in a breath, moving her legs to the side of the bed, pushing them to the edge and onto the floor.

the harsh cold wood on y/ns feet(sies) reminding her this was reality and not some stupid dream she’d made up.

• • •

y/n quickly thanked the uber before stepping foot out of the car, immediately being greeted with a very enthusiastic “hiii!!” by ryleigh, her voice high pitched as she wrapped her arms around y/n.

y/ns arms wrapped around ryleighs body, saying a quick “hi” aswell, maybe a small smile at her lips. she still felt disgusted with herself, with what she did to matt. she’d never be able to feel the way she did before she’d done what she did to matt.

hell, she couldnt even utter the words of what she’d done. the words brought her great pain, a nauseous feeling to her stomach and tears to her eyes.

“are you readyy?” ryleigh asked, her voice just as comforting and encouraging as y/n needed it to be.

ryleigh pulled away from the hug, her grin ultimately comforting y/n and reminding her she was in a safe space with ryleigh.

“yess! by the way, love the dress babe, you look beautiful!” y/n answered, her lips curving into a grin, matching ryleighs.

“thankss. lets go inside.” ryleigh pulled y/n by the hand, pulling her inside the club.

as soon as the door opened loud ass music, neon lights and chattering engulfed y/ns senses. the lights really getting to her, they were just.. so much brighter than inside her bedroom.

ryliegh, on the other hand was enjoying it all. the sweaty bodies she and y/n moving against others as they walked to the bar. everything going on was just what ryleigh needed.

“hello ladies, what can I get ya?” the bartender offered a warm smile towards the two. his voice sending shivers down rylieghs spine. it was a husk, and deep voice, ultimately pulling ryliegh in.

“uh- um.. I- ill take a majito.. um.. y/n? what do you want?” ryleighs shaky and flustered voice turned to y/ns direction.

“I dont want anything. thank you though, ryleigh.” y/n answered. as easy as it would be to consume alcohol and drown out all her thoughts with matt, she knew it wasnt right. she shouldnt because she needs to live the reality of what she did, and also, because drinking alcohol like that is not a good idea, whatsoever.

“alrighty, then. thats all.. mister..?” ryleigh trailed off as she turned back around to face the bar tender, leaning her forearms onto the counter.

• • •

y/n left ryleigh and the bartender. they were just flirting and shit. she didnt want to be the third wheel. wheres the fun in that?

y/n was currently enjoying her night, atleast trying too. as much fun as someone who just ruined their relationship could.

she lightly swayed with the music, her hips moving side to side gently with the music.

she lightly hummed the words of the song, suddenly being so consumed by the beautiful sounds of the singers voice and the background music.

then, everything stopped. her body movements came to a halt. the music suddenly going quiet. her breathing stopping and her heart rate quickening, as her eyes laid on matt.

she immediately bit her lip and took in sharp breaths. her arms twisting together as she stared at him, her eyes darting down his face and body.

the way his silky and shiny brunette hair fell perfectly ontop of his head. the way his green shirt looked so, so good on him. the color perfecting his skin.

god, everything she wanted in a person, yet she couldnt have, but once did.

matt stared at the crowd of bodies infront of him, all moving under bright lights. his eyes trained on each and every individual, his eyes scanning the way each body curved and didnt curve, the features of their faces and their clothing. studying each person for no other reason than being bored.

his eyes were currently laid on one girl, his eyes trained on her hips moving, not even bothering to glance up at her face, nothing.

he could only think about how familiar the movements looked, how perfect she moved her hips.. but more importantly how it looked so familiar like he’d seen it plenty times before.

suddenly, her bodys movements stopped. his eyebrows raised in confusion, wandering why the girl had stopped. he moved his eyes from her hips to her face.

he didnt even have to look for another second to know that is his girl- that was his girl. once was, never (at least, what a part of him wants) again.

he quickly took in how she took in sharp and small breaths, her arms twisting together in the same way she always used to, when she was nervous, he quickly recognized.

fuck.

suddenly his eyes began filling with tears as his lungs slowly deflated with no air. he couldnt find it in himself to take in a breath, without atleast letting out a small sob.

as much as it pained him to look at the girl he only wished was still his, he couldnt bring himself to look away.

he missed the way her arms felt around him, the way her words always got to him, comforted, brought happiness, anything he wanted her words always seemed to do it. the way her beautiful eyes stared into his, the beautiful color of her irises bringing such comfort, warmth and nervousness over him at any given moment with no failure.

as much as what she did with koda absolutley kills him, he still loves her, he still hopes she was in his bed with him everymorning, he still wishes she was the one to always hold him as long as he needed it.

all he wanted was her, and he knew he could have her back, but he knew she didnt deserve him.

y/n stood in her spot, her feet planted to the ground as she took in her shaky breaths, so badly wanting to walk over to matt and talk to him, she just wasnt sure if she was ready or if he didnt want to talk to her. why would he? she basically cheated on him.

her eyes couldnt help but to stay on the boy, until he motioned for her to come to him.

she nodded, before looking away then untwisting her arms and flailing them to her sides, shaking her hands for a moment to get the nerves out and to prepare herself.

she brought one foot infront of the other, walking to matt in a quick motion.

“hi.” matt breathed, seeing y/n standing infront of him. seeing the girl he wanted so badly stand infront of him.

“hi.” she spoke, taking in a breath before quickly saying “alright, listen. I am so fucking sorry for what I did matt. I would absolutely do anything for you. I’d- I would do anything matt. words cannot describe how drained ive been without you, I havent felt the same, I don’t- nevermind. this isnt about me, this is about you and what I did.” she took in another breath, collecting herself before starting again.

“alright. what I did was absolutely unacceptable and absolutely disgusting of me. you were my boyfriend and I should not have done what I did with koda. its absolutely sickening and- and, wrong. no man could ever amount to you, you’re everything and all of everything ive ever wanted. koda is- is not the one to blame here. its me. but I need you to understand that I still love you and if I could I would treat you so so much better than what I did before. i am, truly, so sorry matt, and i do hope we could date again- or atleast be friends.” she finished. exhaling a large breath, feeling a huge amount of weight being lifted off her shoulders.

matts eyes stared down in awe at her. all of her words went straight to his heart. he’d completely forgiven her the moment she opened her mouth and admitted what she did was wrong.

his hands slowly came up to her face, his hand cupping her cheek and pulling her face into his, pressing their lips together in a passionate and sweet kiss. nothing sexual behind it.

y/n crumbled into the kiss and closed her eyes, until matt pulled away and pulled her into him. wrapping his arms around her body as he hugged her. he muttered words into her head, “I forgive you, I forgive you.” he repeated, his hand coming to the back of her head as he pulled her into even more of a warm hug.

2308 words

tags:

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @mels22lunchbox @ssilentzom @haunted-headset @scofposts @jupitersturniolos @mutualsafe @evieolo

[quodekash]

yeah so im gonna make my silly little commentary posts for we are sometimes but not all the time

he stared at his friend's water and started smiling like a fucking idiot 💀

h2o just makes him giddy like that 🥰

also I genuinely fucking adore Pham and Fang's dynamic, they care about each other so much (I might cry)

I JSUT FUCKING LOVE HIM SO MUCH CAN YOU BLAME ME

im sorry, i cant get over the fact that q fuCKING SANG SOUND’S SONG FROM MSP IN THE THIRD FUCKING EPISODE OF THE SHOW

HES JUST SO SMOL I FUCKING ADORE HIM SO MUCH DUDE

here to pick up his twink

HES JUST SO SMOL THO LIKE CAN YOU BLAME ME???

I JUST WANNA RUFFLE HIS HAIR AND PINCH HIS CHEEKS HES SO FUCKING ADORABLE

i think i just really love satang cos during msp every time sound was on screen i lost my shit and now every time toey is on screen i lose my shit

btw i fully had to rewatch that entire scene, i was entirely focusing on satang’s little adorable fuckin face that i forgot to read and process the dialogue lmao

his expression is like “did you bring me here to do your chores, or are you gonna be honest and just say you want to makeout"

the real answer is just that he wants to spend time with him btu doesnt know how to do that normally 💀

(and also that he wants to make out with him)

WHY IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING SMOL TODAY

HES TINY

HES THIS BIG 🤏

OML IT HAPPENED FOR LESS THAN HALF A SECOND BUT I PAUSED IT AT THE EXACT PERFECT MOMENT

I genuinely adore accidental kiss tropes in bls, its just so unrealistic its fucking amazing

[insert image of phum's friends walking in here (I had to delete some of my screenshots because I can only do 30 and I dont want to do more than one post for this)]

AND THEN HIS FRIENDS WALK IN, CLASSIC

it's so awkward and I am LIVING for it

people in bls always walk in at the WORST possible moments and its AMAZING

THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS SO RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY TO ME

phuwin’s character trying to cook is so me

and also my sister, one time she was making spaghetti bolognese for us for dinner and she put way too much salt, and then to attempt to solve the problem, she put water into the pan to "evaporate the salt" 💀

the best part is I didnt even realise why that wouldnt work until my brother started laughing

anyway, back to the ep

WHAT DRUGS ARE IN THIS EPISODE TO MAKE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING CHARACTER SO BABYGIRL

THEYRE ALL SO SMOL AND ADORABLE AND BBG WHAT IS GOING ON

HES SO TINY

Youre fucking KIDDING

IM SO SUDDENLY INVESTED IN THIS MAIN COUPLE

THAT WAS SUCH A SUDDEN SWITCH BRO

literally last week I was like "yeah okay I like it" and then suddenly im on the verge of tears when they make physical contact???

[insert image of pun eating]

PUN !

MY LITTLE GUY

I ADORE THEMMMMM

oh fuck yes I love this friendship already and it just started

AND CHAIN'S GETTING JEALOUSSSSS FUCK YEAH

they look like tired dads fr

is phuwin just fuckin short or is pond like 3 metres tall cos holy shit

LOOK AT HIM

SMOL BITCHES

EVERYONE'S FUCKING TINY TODAY

woah he really just went for it there

HOLY FUCK HE SAID YES

TAN IS LOSING IT HES SO HAPPY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

great frame

[insert that entire scene with the jump onto him and the holding hands and the FUCKING CHEEK KISS]

HES MY LITTLE FUCKING GUY

HES SO NEURODIVERGENT AND I ADORE HIM

KICKING AND SCREAMING MY FEET RN

he's jealoussssssss

I love pun so much, I truly would die for him

Welcome back to another episode of Toey Thinks Peem And Phum Are Dating (And He’s Right)

Im gonna be completely honest, if pond looked at me like that, id probably do whatever he tells me to without a second thought

thats all im saying

LOOK AT THAT LITTLE FACE

HES SINGING THE FUCKING ABAAB SONG

IM CRYING DUDE THIS IS AMAZING

ARE THEY JUST GONNA SING SONGS FROM OTHER BLS FOR THE QHOLE SERIES? IM FUCKIN DOWN FOR THAT DUDE

this song is so out of winny’s range tho 💀

so fucking SMOL

also chains hand just always naturally rests on pun’s shoulder

literally all the time

what im saying here is I think they should kiss

HE DIDNT JUST GRAB HIS WRIST HERE HE GRABBED HIS HAND ERIJKGBNREJB HOLY SHIT

Cool! 👍

im glad they finally got there

FUCK YES NEXT EPISODE WE'RE GETTING THE SCENE FROM THE PILOT THAT MADE ME LOSE MY SHIT

PUNCHAIN FOREHEAD KISS AND QTOEY CHEEK KISS BITCHES

okay now I just have one final question before I take my leave: what the FUCK was the song playing in the background of the qtoey scene near the end of the episode

it was just electric guitar and I KNOW recognise it but I cant figure out what fucking song it was (literally I finished the episode at like 1:30 but didnt go to sleep til 3 because I was trying to find the song)

so please, if ANYONE recognises it and knows what it is, tell me as soon as you can cos Im fucking dying

update: a moot is pretty sure the song played over other qtoey scenes earlier in the show (the same way msp did with noelm) so now im fuckin PSYCHED for the new song that’s gonna come out eventually

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

[synthleeius]

Hi! I saw you the reblogged the same big mouth fic I reblogged. Big Mouth Is the best abd I love lee Jay. I was just wondering if you had any big mouth tickle headcannons? Honestly the lack of big mouth in the tickle fic community is a real woof.

hi!! ur so real for this one bc there isnt enough content for big mouth just in general. unfortunately i dont really have much hcs for them but its a huge comfort show for me so i thought id try and come up with a few for you xx

saying this now there not great but yk 💀 did my best

matthew absolutely hates being tickled in public, he'll definitely shove whoever is trying away😭he thinks its SO embarassing but its different behind doors, he fucking adores it

he doesn't really like it when people are too rough with him because it can hurt sometimes. (gonna use jay as a example because matthew and jay were my fav💔💔 BRING THEM BACK)

when jay first tried tickling him he wasn't really experienced in it and definitely. not good at it💀 BUT ITS NOT HIS FAULT

Matthew had to like teach him in a way? like lead his hands with his. he was embarrassed as fuck but it was SO worth it

jay is the kind of lee to like. PROVOKE.

he had to have tickling explained to him since he didnt really know what it was growing up

so he started trying to get people to tickle him as a punishment sort of thing?

he didnt know it was okay to like it, as in he thought it was weird to. but somebody eventually (mattew SORRY im so down bad for them) told him its somewhat normal to like it and then he started plain asking.

ik nobody gives a fuck about caleb but I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIM☹️☹️ so im gonna ramble

it depends on the day with him tbh

sometimes he gets badd sensory overload from tickling and will dismiss it completely, and other times hes okay with it.

he wouldnt really trust alot of people with it, so its usually just matthew who tickles him most of the time because he knows when and were, and how to.

he usually likes gentle tickles instead of rough, he doesnt want to be gasping for breath just like. breathy giggles.

if somebody wanted him to tickle them, they literally couldn't drop little hints. you have to tell him directly or else he doesn't get it at all😭

he is SO SILLY oh my god my absolute fav

[tuxedokit-thoughts]

i want to kill myself

im not going to, but mom says i should write my feelings out. says itll help me feel better

and. i mean. i know its worked before. i have this whole thing to prove it

see even just tryping that much helped a little. at least enough that ny urges are back in the harm territory and not in yhe kill territory. which isnt great. but. yknow. ill take what i can get? i guess?

i dont know anymore. it feels like theres this gaping hole in my chest, and everything i have and everything i am is just pouring and pouring and pouring out of it until there is nothing. i dont want to be nothing.

but maybe it would be easier than this

i hardly got out of bed today. i didnt get dressed, i only ate because my brother was so gracious as to bring me a bowl of canned chicken noodle soup. he put a little rosemary in it, "to make it fancy," he said. it wasnt perfection, but it was the best goddamn soup i had ever tasted in that moment. he used the last clean bowl for it. its his favourite too, a kirby themed ramen bowl with holes for chopsticks and everything.

chicken noodle isnt even my favourite soup. fi think its just. how loved i felt? when he carried that bowl into our cramped little room from our cramped little living room.

i was standing like. an hour ago? and he asked me to try to clean a bowl for him. (he does all the household chores, save for dishes. we both hate them, but i can barely do shit else, so one really shitty chore is better than a mountain of decent ones)

i took one look at our sink, so full of dirty shit you can hardly see the faucet, and i tyrned around and let myself fall limp, face first on my bed.

i put the blanket over my feet, so that if he came in he wouldnt have to see them (even the thought of feet disgusts him, i think)

he did come in, but i dont think he realized how hard it had been for me to even do that. i think all he saw was a whiny, ungrateful, pathetic mound of flesh under a blanket. someone so useless it couldnt even clean a single bowl for him without falling apart.

i heard him clean his own bowl. i have never felt so guilty for doing absolutely fucking nothing.

he already puts up with so much shit from me. im a drug addicted, mentally unstable, sorry excuse for a person.im trying, god im trying so fucking hard, but every day is harder than the last, it seems.

still. he deserves better than this.i dont know why he bothers.

... i keep finding myself scratching my cat scratches from earlier today. it stings. i feel like i deserve it.

i know thats not true. but honestly? scratching at my hand and wrist is better than actually doing something, right? its just a sting on fresh skin. no blood, no fresh wounds. just the pain thats already there. just poking at my bruises so i feel something other than this crushing despair

god. i cant believe i said that. i mean thats a totally normal thing to say in a crisis. ive just soiled my mind with references and medias and now i cant be normal about anything haha

anyway

uh

yeah.

...

i still hate myself. but. i guess this helped me stop crying as much? i dont know. i dont know anything anymore

thats not true

i know my wrist hurts. like a cat scratch, it stings on the back, mostly because thats what it was, at first. from where both my cats claws and my own found themselves digging into my skin, i can feel a bump when i glide my finger over it. and every time the pain gets too dull, too quiet, i let my nail return to its little groove and pull, just for a moment.

i know my heart hurts. like i have been carved open, my contents unceremoniously dumped on the floor. my blood spills out on the floor over my organs and my thoughts, and as i try to clean it up the lead in my veins says stop. and so i lay there, on the ground, next to the contents of the person i have become. it is all blackened by tar and resin.

i know that every breath i have taken today has felt like a chore. like slogging out of bed at 5:45 in the morning to get ready for school, knowing i wont learn shit because all my energy will be focused on holding myself together, or at least keeping myself from shattering altogether. ill just slog through another page of the textbook, wondering why i bothered when i couldve just stayed home.

i know i am loved. even if i dont feel it. even if i dont deserve it.

i know i never had a choice in any of this

...

i know that. for now. ill keep dragging myself out of bed. keep breathing. scratch my wrist so i dont cut it.

and maybe tomorrow ill apologize to everyone whos had to put up with me

{16/11/2023}

[ask-the-shorty-squad]

...I'm sorry. About everything... The sneaking in, the arguing, the breakup, all of it... You didnt deserve to go through that...

When I was at Jabberwock.. Everyone hated me. They thought it'd be good riddance when Nagito was finally dead.. Even after nobody could look at me the same.. So I decided that I'd become who everyone thought I was.. A monster. Everything I did.. I didnt want to do. None of it.. But they all thought of me as a crazy psychopath... So I made their imagination reality...

So when I met you.. You didnt look at me like that at all. Infact you probably didnt care who I was the first time we met.. You just thought of me as another person to torment.. As werid as it sounds it was nice you thought of me as if I was no different from everyone... And then when you got your own body.. Everything was even better.. You treated me like I was actually... ..Human. You didnt care about what I did in the past. Just like how I didnt for you.. We were in the same boat.. And I just thought... If I ever lost you.. Then I'd have to go back to being the same crazy psychopath everyone thought of me as before.. I didnt wanna ever let that happen..

I became protective of you... I didnt wanna lose you because of my own selfish needs to feel like I wasnt different from everyone.. That I was atleast somewhat normal. I realised that when I was looking after Monaca and the other WoH.. Thats why I decided to break up with you.. So that I wouldnt feel as if I was using you just to feel normal... If that was what I was subconsciously doing.. I didnt want it to continue.

*The very words from every sentence Nagito spoke brought tears to Yayoi. To hear, listen, and understand him more, was more than he could ever want.*

Nagito... What you did... hurt. It hurt a lot. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Your reasoning before confused me a lot because, a part of me knew that couldn't have been the case. Even with all of that, and the short time that passed afterwards, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I missed you... so much.

*Yayoi quickly wiped his tears before continuing.*

I... I understand what it's like... to feel unwanted by almost everyone around you. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said there wasn't a moment in my life where I felt all alone amongst my peers. Even during the tragedy, most of the other remnants didn't like me much for being that witch's favorite. In fact, a lot of them outright hated me because I was stronger. I'd say I was beyond lucky to find kind company with Mika.

I never thought I'd get a second chance like this. But getting to meet you, spend time with you, and even imagine a life with you, has made this chance worth living. I can't imagine myself here and now if it were anyone else. I'm not going to give this chance up. Even if I feel alone now, it's because of you that I'll still keep going. I won't let it consume me and turn me into a monster like it did before. I could never bring that myself to do that... to you. To anyone.

I love you Nagi. I always will.

Till death do us part.

[woonhakist]

i will literally do a nose dive off the top of the empire state this is the most pain ive been in since jay was announced p10 in boys planet like my chest is pulsating w pain rn the combination of haemin and minkkumaz angst is absolutely deadly and should be banned in a minimum of 20 countries

ugh to think that haemin going out more often couldve been something as positive and simple as him just coming out of his shell but all it was was him wanting to stay away from reader holy shit the idea of someone going against their normal behaviors to stay away from u is such a painful thought and since this is JUNG HAEMIN it burns like my heart was thrown on those hot coals ppl walk on and left there forever like an incredibly overcooked steak

then the slow transition from a happy loving relationship to something completely onesided is like the most excruciatingly painful process to imagine and having to read it abt the loml has me rocking back and forth … someone fucking detain me before i go clinically insane “‘bye’ and not ‘i love you more’” please id rather have an anvil drop on my head like im wile e coyote than have to go through that

god and haemin practically discarding reader like they were nothing when all they wanted to do was talk to their boyfriend that they missed … i felt like i got shot through the heart and someone (HAEMIN) twisted the arrow like a little bitch then reader just took it and accepted the blame … oh the PAIN

and then the argument right after that … i dont even know where to start like i was lowkey touched by haemin being like “ik u get agitated when ur in public for too long” then everything got thrown out the window and stomped on at everything else he said afterwards like “i just want to live without u bothering me constantly” but reader just wants to be w u DAWG WHYYYY then holy shit the “it means im having a hard time pretending like i havent fallen out of love w u” right after it srsly ran me over a minimum of 100 times then walked away like nothing ever happened like IT HURT SO FUCKIN BAD U DIDNT HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE THAT HAEMIN LET ME DOWN EASY

then haemin trying to tell reader they lied abt the things HE said and the promises HE couldnt keep and tried to turn the tables like “i cant be w someone who isnt mature enough to understand when i need time away” and it hurt even more when reader thought that obeying him would bring him back …. god it gave me flashbacks to how my dynamic was w [REDACTED] and it near killed me

god then the stalking of his social media and seeing how quickly he moved on but reader was no where near that srsly hit the bullseye and did circles around it UGH then reader seeing everything that used to be reserved for them now used for another bitch … haemin in his recycled hoe era like damn saving the environment but not readers feelings

bye and this isnt mentioned in the story at all but i can imagine haemin gossiping and complaining w kyungmin and the gang abt reader and that hurts like 100 times worse like haemin hating u is bad enough but the thought of his friends hating u too for sumn that isnt even ur fault is so very foul

i do really like readers journey on forgetting abt haemin and loving themself (reader realizing that theyre the star was so cute actually bye) but no ending is happy if haemin isnt in it sorry realistically id never be happy again knowing haemin fuckin hates me goodbye

this whole thing was so incredibly amazing and it seriously beat me the fuck up where it absolutely hurt like those tears and those ice cream sandwiches were no joke holy fuck u broke my heart w this one dawg u should literally be insanely proud of urself for this one my GOD

everything u wanted to get across was executed so well and attacked me like a thousand man army like sumn can hurt but it cant HURT as much as this did … lord bless rin for releasing that song cuz without it u wouldnt have released this godsent haemin fic this should be put in a tumblr museum or sumn (it shouldnt actually cuz i want to gatekeep this from the world like its rapunzel and im mother gothel)

and im not sure how to put into words how ecstatic i am that you wrote ANOTHER fic for me like dedicating prince sungho to me and writing glitter on our blushed cheeks for me was WAYYY more than enough but this … omfg … this was probably one of the last things i ever expected (props to u for keeping it a secret) but i could not be any more grateful than i am rn to have this written for me like u have to be an angel sent from heaven or sumn (did it hurt when u fell from heaven Lol) cuz this u r fuckin CRAZY for doing all of this for me 😢

welcome to another episode of “omi writes a gorgeous fic and jordan goes bananas over it” but its the “omi wrote it for jordan and jordan doesnt know what to do with herself” edition like god this isnt even JUST an omi banger … its something like a million times more intense … like idek a word for it but its kinda like a “i want this tattooed on my entire body” kind of thing 😢 but for lack of a better word CHEERS TO MY FAVORITE OMI BANGER TO EVER EXIST IN THE HISTORY OF MINKKUMAZVERSE EVER THIS ONE OVERWRITES EVERY PAST FAV OMI BANGER (im gonna say this abt so many of ur fics but that just goes to show how much i love ur writing) 🥂

YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO FEEL UNLOVED

there used to be so much love there, just two people completely infatuated with one another. you've been through so much with haemin, and you thought maybe he'd fight for your relationship. but even after all this hurt part of you still loved him.

PAIRING jung haemin x fem!reader WC 2.0k TAGS lovers to exes. angst. growing apart. asshole haemin. somewhat a timeline of denial to acceptance. miscommunication. OMI NOTE another little something for my @woonhakist because i love writing for her. except unlike prince sungho it's actually angst. sorry sungho ur getting booted out of this. this has been in my drafts for about a month but now i'm motivated to get it done for u hehe. i hope you like. ^_^ (inspired by just me by rin)

the skys were clouded with pillows of dark gray. it had been rainy recently, the smell of wet pavement becoming more distinguishable as it continued. you wanted to assume that maybe it was his fault. the reason behind why your days were always so dark.

it was common to fear the unknown. being innocently unaware of what was going on behind the scenes was slowly eating at your insides; making you feel as if you were the dead carcass of a street animal, being fed on by rats.

things were different recently, he was different. haemin was going out more than usual, a breath of fresh air in comparison to the introverted persona you were used to. despite your worries, he convince you that you didn’t need to know where he was all the time.

“i’m just hanging out with kyungmin and a few other friends. do you have to be so worried?” he groaned.

“it’s not like that, haem! i just got curious…”

shouldn’t you be glad? that feeling of relief knowing he was blooming into a person that could celebrate with others. it was growth, but not in the way you expected. more or less, he was growing into someone unrecognizable.

phone dials were met with an empty line. and even when he did answer, he ended the call with a simple ‘bye’ and not ‘i love you more.’

still, you loved him to the moon and back. every couple went through a rough patch, you understood that when you agreed to be with him. though it was difficult to convince yourself you were content with how things were playing out.

often you took long walks to distract yourself from the unread text messages. it was this time at noon that was most gloomy. your umbrella collected droplets of water, dripping down the side to barely avoid you.

you saw couples on the streets, holding hands happily. they took photos together and shared hot drinks with eachother to battle the slight cold. you envied them.

because in your head, that position seemed almost unreachable. he was so far away from you, farther than you could even realize. what used to be something special between your heart and his wasn’t recognizable.

that day, you stopped going on walks. everything reminded you of the boy that was falling out of love. you came home quickly, trying to outrun your own thoughts. the bronze plate with your apartment number came into view as you dug through your bag to get the keys.

fumbling with the lock for a second, you finally open up to your home. immediately your gaze lands on an extra pair of shoes by the door, making your heart skip a beat slightly. tugging off your own, you set down your umbrella in a corner to dry.

when walking farther into the house, you see haemin sitting comfortably on the couch. he looked busy on his cell phone, paying almost no mind to your presence.

“haem! i didn’t know you would be home, where were you?” you smile fondly, letting yourself sit next to him.

“oh. i was just out for a bit.” he barley acknowledged your existence, angling his phone slightly away from your view. you noticed this, but said nothing.

“did you have fun? it was pretty rainy out today so i hope you weren’t cold.”

“yeah, it was fine.”

“that’s good! did you eat while you were out? i can always make us something for dinner, though i do need to get some groceries–”

“are you done with your questions?” he said bitterly, setting down the device to look at you.

“i’m sorry haem, we just haven’t spoken in awhile and i wanted to see how your day was.” you said in a whisper.

“don’t be so clingy, y/n. we see eachother everyday.” he tells you.

“oh. you’re right, i don’t know why i was being so silly.”

“mhm.” he mumbles under his breath before getting up from his seat towards the bathroom. 

after the door shut behind him, the pit at the bottom of your stomach grew deeper. this wasn’t like him at all. the excitement that would underlie his stoic demeanor because all the love he had for you was overflowing disappeared. could you even call it love when you didn’t exactly know what it was?

every romantic word hes ever told you felt meaningless; what happened to ‘you’re so pretty, y/n. you’re so sweet?’

you could hear haemin’s muffled voice from down the hall, before movement of caps and containers echoed the bathroom walls. it sounded like he was on a call with somebody. he came out soon after, shaking the remaining drops of water off of his clean hands. 

“i’m going out.” he calls out to you before pulling his coat off the rack.

“wait! didn’t you just go out? i can go with you if you’d like!”

“no, i’ll be out late and i know you get agitated if you’re in public for too long.”

“can’t you just stay in for a little then? what about a movie night like we always used to have?” you rushed over to him, desperate to spend any sort of time together, “i just miss you haem..”

“did anything i say get into your head? you don’t need to so clingy, i’m just going out with a couple friends.”

“haemin…” you reached out to his hand, fingertips barely getting the chance to touch him before he was pulling away like you were the plague.

“god. i can’t do this anymore, y/n. i just want to live without you bothering me constantly!” he complains, sliding both of his shoes on forcefully.

“what is that supposed to mean?” you furrow your eyebrows worriedly.

“it means that i’m having a hard time pretending like i haven’t fallen out of love with you.” he sighs, “just give it a break, y/n. you knew were never going to last."

it felt like your world was collapsing around you. there was a confused look on his face as you stood there silently, trying not to cry. you wondered what it felt like to die, and if it felt anything like this.

they say your life flashes before your eyes, yet all that flashed was memories of what you and haemin used to be. you felt stupid to think that maybe it was salvageable, but the sorry truth hurt much more than this ill fantasy.

“but you promised me. you promised me that we would work through everything together, haem. was that a lie?” you choked.

“i wouldn’t make an empty promise like that, don’t twist my words.” he muttered.

“i’m not twisting anything! when you first confessed to me you said so many sweet things and promised to always–”

“i said give it up. that was almost a year ago, okay? you can’t expect me to keep a promise like that for so long.”

“are you serious right now haemin? after all that we’ve been through?” you uttered with a hurt tone.

“i cared about you, okay? but i can’t handle this anymore.”

“you’re my first boyfriend, i– i can’t let you go without at least talking first!” your words came out as a broken sob, but haemin only looked at you with disgust.

“and you were my worst.” he scoffed, “i can’t be with someone who isn’t mature enough to understand when i need time away.”

“but–”

“don’t even look at me right now, y/n.. i don’t want to hear you speak. i’ll come back and get my things later.” he leaves you with a bitter ending, before leaving out the door.

watching the love of your life leave you with no closure and not a second word was starting to physically pain you. you felt yourself drop to your knees as his sentences rung in your mind, stringing themselves into a sequence of utmost heartbreak.

cold hardwood floors comforted the red - hot heat that began to rise up your face like a wild fire. you were embarrassed of yourself, disappointed that you couldn’t grow enough for him to see you. see that you could change.

and while he was out with no doubt in his mind that he made the right decision, your world was shattering in the comfort of the home you used to share with him.

the only time he messaged you was him asking for you to pack up all of his stuff for an easier pickup. it was clear he didn’t want to see you anymore than he had to. would he see how mature you had become in the four hours he was gone if you obeyed him?

boxing up all of his things neatly, you stripped every memory the two of you ever shared together. your house feeling ever so empty from the lack of love, trapped in between cardboard walls. 

for what it was worth, you attempted to write a note to send off with him. however, your vision was too blurry with your tears, and you couldn’t keep them in. the smudged ink added for dramatic effect, but it was too much that it was impossible to read coherent words.

your head was scrambled everywhere, and for a second you thought he was right when he said you were immature. it felt like when you were back in highschool giving him silly love notes to hide in his backpack pocket. it reminded you of how he said that they were all still there, as he never bothered to clean them out.

why couldn’t things be the way that they used to? throwing away so much because there was a lack of communication. you wanted to see him, be with him. feel the pure touch of his lips sending shockwaves to your beating heart.

but since that day, you never saw him once. rushing to grab all of his things and get out of your life, barely escaping your desperate grasp. what was once a fond moment became a distant daydream.

you were so blinded by your infatuation for him, despite the fact he never thought of you like that. once again you failed to understand much.

and things only got harder from then on, your plush pillow absorbing your tears. the air in your room only grew heavier as time continued. 

at first days, then weeks, and months were going by that you gave him so much love from afar. a comfortable distance through your phone screen where he couldn’t spit such hurtful words to you again. it was difficult to bear with his selfish sense of care.

stalking him on social media didn’t get you anywhere really. he already moved on from you. though you were unsure whether your jealousy blossomed from the fact that she was beautiful, or that he moved on extremely fast. maybe it was both.

posts of his hand intertwined with hers, captioned with cheesy song lyrics that used to hold so much meaning to you. your music taste always tended to rub off on him. 

there were long paragraphs declaring how much she meant to him, and how she was such a breath of fresh air in comparison to his past relationships. these sacred words that used to be yours. and while you remembered what the two of you had together, he could only think of her.

still, you loved him.

but things got easier, even when you thought they wouldn’t. it took some time for you to realize that being alone was a lot easier on the heart. 

there was a big takeaway from this, being that the only thing he taught you what it was like to feel unloved. though everything that happened when things were okay, you’d never take for granted. 

the sky felt brighter, and you made your walks frequent again. you remembered thinking how dreary he’d make your days seem, but it felt like you were finally able to see the sun again. because throughout the multitude of stars in the galaxy, one always shone the brightest.

even when you were blinded by a haze, it was still there. maybe you were the star.

© 2023 minkkumaz, all rights reserved support your writers by reblogging + giving feedback! it is greatly encouraged and appreciated. thank you! → why feedback + reblogging is so important. ~ (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ if you'd like, donate to minkkumaz !

[honeypirate]

How do you feel about kissing?

Featuring the haikyuu boys! Just some of them though lmao

Asking your best friend (Noya, Asahi, Ushijima, Tendou, Kuroo, Bokuto) how they feel about kissing

Reader is fem

Noya

His head was on your stomach as you played with his hair laying in the sunshine during lunch. A thing you normally did in the summertime for the last how many years you’ve known him. “Noya” you say softly, watching the clouds go by. He has his eyes closed but he responds “whats up?” he says sleepily and you twist his blonde patch around your finger “how do you feel about kissing?” you ask and his eyes pop open, staring up at the sky before he sits up and turns around to look at you “do you wanna kiss me?” he asks seriously and your cheeks flush, you cover your cheeks with your hands as you turn away slightly “maybe” you whisper and he laughs “OH BOY Tanaka is NOT going to believe this!” he says with a clap and you scowl at him making him chuckle “no no no, because he thought i’d have to confess to you first! He didnt think you felt the same! Now come, come here pretty girl. come here my girl let me kiss you finally! my pretty girl!” he starts to crawl over to you and you giggle trying to stand to run but he lunges and pushes you gently to your back on the sun warmed grass getouas he smiles down at you “I feel like kissing you, to answer your question” he says and then his lips are pressed to yours, kissing you like it’s the last time he’ll ever be able to.

Asahi

You clear your throat, the sound drowned out by screaming from within the gym, Hinata and Kageyama going at it again. You took Asahi outside for some air after practice ended and were now sitting on the steps to the club house looking at the stars for a moment. “So, uhm” you lean back on your elbows on a higher step “Asahi?” you ask and he hums in response “what do you think about… kissing?” you ask and he tenses. Holding his breath as he debates if he heard you right, when he turns to make eye contact he realizes he did in fact hear you right. “In general? Or.. or” he clears his throat “or with you?” his palms begin to sweat and he rubs them against his shorts. You laugh awkwardly “can i choose.. Both?” you ask quietly as you sit up straight again,

“W-well.” he takes a shaky breath “in general, i find kissing to be gross if i have to say watch someone else make out at school. B-b-but with you,” his voice gets softer “i think i’d really enjoy that” he turns to look at you and you brush your fingers across his cheek that was warm from practice and from blushing. “I think i would really enjoy kissing you too” he laughs softly, shaky from his nerves as he reaches out to cup your cheek, leaning in and closing the distance, softly pressing his lips to yours. He goes to pull away a little too soon for you liking so you whine and and lean with him, smashing your lips to his again as you try to memorize the feeling of his soft lips against yours.

Wakatoshi

“Can i ask you something Ushi?” you ask as you walk him to practice in the early morning. He’s been your best friend and neighbor for years so when you went to the same high school and had practice in the morning, it made sense that you traveled together, plus he said he wanted to make sure you were safe on the train. “You know you can ask me anything.” he states and you laugh awkwardly “yes i guess you're right” you stop when you reach his gym and he looks down at you, straight faced as always. You take a deep breath and steel your nerves “how do you feel about.. Kissing?” you ask and he stares at you for a few moments, blinking and not saying anything. You figured he was thinking so you just waited, “I think that kissing is fine in a relationship but i wouldnt know much since i havent kissed anyone before. Ask Tendou he’ll know more about it” he turns to go get Tendou but before he can bring him back to talk to you, you were gone. Ran off to your own volleyball practice feeling like a complete failure.

“Oh you poor innocent boy. She was asking you that..” Tendou grabs Ushijma by his cheeks and leans in close “BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO KISS YOU” he drops his face and laughs “she was asking, how do you feel about kissing HER?” Ushijima is silent for several minutes until at last he mutters out an “oh.”

You wait by the gate like always, your practice always getting out earlier than his. You’re messing around on your phone, setting a new ringtone, when he appears beside you. “Do you want to kiss me?” he asks and you gasp, chucking your phone into the air. “Ushijima!” you shout and he catches your phone from the air “do you?” you feel your face flush as he hands you back your phone “why do you ask?” your voice a few octaves higher from being nervous. “Tendou said you asked me about kissing earlier because you want to kiss me” he says and you laugh awkwardly, rocking on your toes as you scratch behind your neck “if i say he’s right will that ruin our friendship?” you ask as you look at his feet and he responds by cupping your cheeks and leaning down close “I’m gonna kiss you now” he says and waits for you to accept or reject him and you gasp and nod in his hands, eyes fluttering closed as his soft warm lips press against yours, sending fireworks down your spine.

Tendou

2am runs to the 24 hr gas station were a regular occurrence. You held a cherry laffy taffy in one hand and a blue slush in the other, the colors turning your tongue purple. Tendou had an apple sucker in his mouth and a cherry slushy in his hand. You finish your candy by the time you reach the park and you throw the wrapper in the trash by the entrance. You pick up your skateboard and hold it under your arm as you two walk to the top of the hill.

You sit on the bench at the top and he sits beside you, your board on the ground under your feet as you roll it softly side to side. Tendou kicks your feet and scoots closer, his thigh pressing into yours as he puts his feet beside yours, rocking side to side with you as you sit. You lean into him and sigh, your tongue was numb from your slush and your fingers were frozen, he wrapped one of his arms around you and you shivered into his warmth.

This all was normal, it happened all the time. But it still made your heart feel special, god how you wanted to kiss him.

“Satori?” you ask softly and he hums “whats up doll?” he responds over the straw he’s chewing “how do you feel about kissing?” you ask as you use the end of the straw to spoon some slush in your mouth. His head turns swiftly to look at yours and you act cool, eating your slush and being totally normal. He leans in slowly, getting closer to your face with a serious expression trying to make you break but you were used to this, you knew him. You gasped when his frozen tongue licks a stripe up your cheek “ugh you child! I should kick you off my bench!” he laughs and wraps both of his arms around you and rocks side to side “no wait don’t kick me off! Im sorry! I’ll answer your question if you answer mine!” you groan “fine! What’s your question? Just stop shaking me!” he laughs and relaxes his hold, looking down at you with a goofy grin “are you asking me this because you want me to kiss you?” he asks seriously but the little grin he had made you worry he was going to make fun of you.

your eyes grow wide and you clear your throat, suddenly self conscious and feeling stupid “I!- uh maybe yeah I was but sheesh” you try and scoot away from him, laughing awkwardly “that was stupid huh yeah. Stupid” you mumble but he wont let you scoot away “hey” he says softly and you pause to look up at him, his goofiness gone and replaced by softness you rarely got to see “you’re not stupid, pretty girl. You’re very smart.” he says and cups your cheek “i like kissing. I havent kissed anyone in a very long time” he coughs “Second grade” coughs again and you laugh, remembering that day in second grade when your best friend at the time dared him to kiss her so he kissed you instead. “I’ve been waiting, hoping, you'd want to kiss me again” he whispers as his face comes closer to yours, you hold your breath as he leans down, almost 100%, leaving just a sliver of space between you.

“You like me. How embarrassing for you” you tease and make him laugh “i love you. How embarrassing is that?” he mumbles, his lips barely brushing yours and you sigh “as embarrassing as me loving you” you say and his lips crash against yours, his tongue tasted like cherries and it mixed with your berry perfectly.

Kuroo

“KuRRooOoo” you yell sing as you walk into the empty gym, “Y/N” He shouts back as he exits the supply closet, having just finished cleaning up, the rest of the boys already in the showers.”walk me home?” you ask with a smile and he nods “of course, meet me by the gates in ten minutes” you nod and wink at him before leaving the gym, heading back to the class room you were studying in to gather your things.

“There you are beautiful” he says when he walks up and you kick your feet on the side of the wall “can you help me down hot stuff?” you ask and he nods, coming over with his hands out.

You were just friends, that's what you said when anyone asked. She’s just a friend! Is what Kuroo tried to convince Kenma. You just call each other nice things! It’s normal. But when he places his hands on your thighs, slowly running them up until they land on your hips, you think it’s a hint about his deeper feelings.

“Hop down” he says and you blush with a grin not moving. you instead move your knees farther apart, wrapping them around his waist. He raises his eyebrows and you grab his hands, moving them back down to your thighs so you can softly runs your fingers against his “how do you feel,,, about kissing?” you ask and cock your head, your hair falling over your shoulder as you looked up at him with innocent eyes.

“How do I? Feel?” he asks and you chuckles “how do i feel about kissing?” he asks again, you laugh out loud before cupping his cheeks and looking him in the eye, bringing his face close “Tetsuro” you whisper demandingly “answer” he blushes and swallows, his popular guy persona draining from his bones “i like kissing. I like you” he whispers out quickly with a nervous chuckle and you beam at him, your smile spreading as you wrap your arms around his neck “i like you too” you whisper and give him a small peck causing him to gasp before he chuckles and wraps his arms around your waist, the wall the perfect height to lean in and press his lips to yours, feeling his smile against your lips as you kiss him back.

Bokuto

“Hey Bo! How do you feel about kissing?” you asked as you leaned over to his desk “kissing is great why?” you booped his nose “just curious” you went back to your desk beside him and he looked at you for a long moment, why did you ask him that?

The rest of the day passed by slower than ever for Bokuto, he sat inside his head, overthinking why you asked him about kissing and at the end of the day, the end of a terrible practice, he had convinced himself that you wanted to kiss someone else and he’d never get to kiss you himself.

“baby Bo what happened?” you ask as you walk up to him in the hallway, he was holding the straps of his backpack as he looked to the ground “nothing. I’m fine” he said quietly, avoiding your eyes. You walk up to him and take his hands, wrapping them around your waist as you pulled him into a hug “tell me Kou” you whispered and he sighed into your hold “long day, shitty practice, just too in my head today” he whispers and you run your fingers through his still damp from his shower hair. “What happened to put you in your head? You were so shiny this morning” you ask and rub circles on his back, the people in the hallway have all but disappeared now, heading home like you will be soon.

“You’ll think im dumb” he whispers and you shake your head “never Kou, I promise.” he sighs and stands up from your hug and sighs again, rubbing his face with his hands “i thought your question about kissing means you want to kiss a lot of people” you take a beat to think of why that could make him sad and you smile softly, taking his hands in yours “and why did that make you sad?” you ask in a hushed tone and his cheeks flush “i dont want you to want to kiss everyone but me” he mumbles out with furrowed brows and a pout. You laugh and cup his cheeks “oh Kou, i ONLY want to kiss you” you say and watch as his eyes go from confusion to recognition to bright and bubbly bokuto again “HEY HEY HEY” he shouts and you laugh “i knew i had it in me” he says slightly cockily and you keep laughing as you hug him, burying your face in his chest. “I don't want to make you sad Bo, talk to me if you ever get sad because of me okay?” you cup his cheeks seriously and he nods “from now on, i promise” he says before he leans down and presses his lips to yours

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

A Bad Feeling Pt 1

Levi x Reader

Part 1

Paring: Levi Ackerman x Cadet reader

Warnings: 18+ attempted rape/assault, cursing, mention of injury, violence

Summary: Reader feels uncomfortable around a overly friendly captain. Are they just over reacting? Or is there something else going on. What will Levi do when he finds out?

***************************************************

A.n. ok so I literally wrote this in one go, it's probably trash but I wanted to post it anyway. Please lemme know what you think in the comments! Thank you!

"Y/n! captain Oro is asking for you" you did your best to hide the discomfort Armins words made you feel.

You smiled what you hoped was a convincing one and nodded. With a deep breath you made your way to Captains Oro's office.

Ever since you had been introduced to him those few weeks ago, he had taken a special liking to you. At first you had been excited, having such a highly skilled and well known captain take notice of you was one of the best feelings. Especially since your squad leader, Levi wasn't exactly heavy on praise.

Everyone loved Captain Oro, he was known for his strength and stamina on the battle field. He was both charismatic, and charming. Your fellow cadets practically swooned over him. You couldn't help but also get caught up in his perfection. At first that is..

Over time you noticed things about your meetings that put you on edge. An unnecessary shoulder touch here, a too low pat on the back there. Something was off. And although you had done your best to distance yourself from him, it was hard when your squads often had to work together.

But it was hard to say anything against him because even your cold blooded captain seemed to enjoy his presence.

Once you brought it up to your friend Sasha, about how you felt he was being too friendly. But she waved her hand and basically said you were worrying for nothing, he was just a friendly guy. And you were being dramatic.

Maybe you were overreacting? If captain levi approved of him, surely that meant he was a decent person right? Maybe he was just being really really friendly.

You decided to give him a chance and knocked on his door when you finally arrived.

"Come in" a muffled voice came from the other side.

With a click you entered the candlelit room. It was nearing sundown after all.

"Ah cadet y/n! Perfect, I was wondering if I might ask your opinion on something?" He smiled angelically and gestured towards a parchment on his desk.

"Of course sir" you nodded and approached him, reminding yourself of what sasha said. Just relax.

From the way the parchment was positioned you had no choice but to come to his side of the desk.

"Do you see this area here?" He gestured to what you now saw was a map. "What do you think of leading a squad through here instead of what we originally planned?"

The next 30 minutes you spent completely and professionally discussing strategies. Being the member of your squad that was best at this, made him asking for you completely justified. You felt bad for ever doubting his intentions.

"Thank you y/n, I think I have a better idea of what course we should pursue on our next expedition" he smiled sincerely.

"I'm glad I could be of service" you nodded and allowed a relaxed smile to pass your features. Feeling stupid you had judged him so harshly.

" If you wouldnt mind just one more thing?" You nodded as he pulled out a stack of papers.

"If you could look over this report of the last mission before I send it out? See if theres anything else to add?"

"Sure, I'd be happy to Captain" you grabbed the stack.

"And please if you can, return them to me tonight, I'll need them for the meeting bright and early"

"Yes sir, I'll finish it asap, good evening" and with that you exused yourself.

Tonight? It was already sundown. Well whatever, hes so busy he probably doesn't know what time of day it is.

You found a quiet spot amonsgt the crowds in the common room and got to work.

************************************

"Oi brat, it's passed curfew, go to your room now, we have important work tommorow" the unmistakable voice of your captain rang through the now empty hall.

You looked up in surprise and meet his usual scowl, not even realizing how late it had gotten.

"Hai, s-sorry captain, I'll go now" you gathered the report and quickly left, not wanting to receive another scolding for taking too long.

Oh crap you still had to deliever the report. Changing routes you snuck quietly down the familiar hallways. Not particularly feeling like running into Levi again. Something about him always made you act just a little dumber and it was definitely not because of your non existent crush on him...definitely not.. he was just intimidating is all.

*knock knock*

You waited patiently but there was no answer. Crap did he already go to bed? But he knew I was coming? Ugh what should I do? He needs these reports..

With a sigh you change direction again and head for his personal chambers. There was no way you were getting in trouble for not delivering these reports on time.

You smiled when you saw dim light flood from beneath the door.

Lightly you knocked, "Captain Oro, its y/n, sorry it's so late but I have the rep-" you were cut off abruptly when the door swung open and there stood Oro.

Except he looked nothing like the Oro you were used too seeing. His hair was loose from it's normal slicked back do, and the edges were dripping slightly. His shirt was loosely thrown on revealing a decent amount of skin. He must've just bathed.. you could see why the girls were so obsessed with him. He was, platonically speaking, a very gorgeous man.

You were taken aback but reminded yourself that you did knock after hours so of course he wasnt going to be all soldiered up.

"U-um s-sorry Captain, I have the reports" you averted your eyes and shoved the reports in his direction.

"Ah y/n, thank you, would you please put them on my table? My hands are still slightly wet." He laughed holding them up innocently.

"S-sure" god why were you stuttering so much, you fight goddamn titans for a living?! But somehow you were more nervous now than when a 10meter was clawing at you.

You entered the room and tried to avoid looking around too much.

You always wondered what the inside of the higher ups rooms look-

*click*

You whipped around, alarm bells suddenly back in full force.

"Captain what are you-"

"You're such a good girl, you know that y/n?" Oros whole demeanor changed and you cursed yourself for not trusting your earlier instincts.

"U-um" you really did not know what to say or do as he took a couple steps closer.

"Always so obedient for me, I think you deserve a reward don't you?"

Shit

"That's not...that's not necessary captain, I really should be going" you tried to lunge for the door but he was quicker and much much stronger.

"I don't believe I dismissed you cadet..." he purred pinning your arms to the door in the blink of an eye.

You were by no means weak, but your struggles were useless against him.

"Let me go" it took all your strength not to stutter in fear.

"How adorable, you know I love it when you follow my orders so well, but I think..." you shivered in disgust as you felt his lips near your neck and press down.

"I'd like to see you fight me as well" you whimpered as he sucked and bit down on the soft flesh.

"S-stop it, p-please" he smirked and looked into your fearful eyes with his lustful ones. "Stop? But that's not what you really want is it? You see I know exactly how girls like you are" he chuckled darkly and moved one of his hands to grip both your arms, while the other slid lower. You gasped when he cupped your breast. "S-stop! I'll, ill scream If you don't!" You felt a tear slide down your shaking form.

"Scream?" He snickered like you had told the funniest joke.

"Go ahead and scream doll, itll be very interesting to see what happens"

"W-what?" You were utterly confused.

"Think about it, if someone walks in on us, what would they think? Seeing a cadet after hours in her superiors chambers?"

"B-but I! I was bringing the reports i wasn't-!"

"Do you honestly think theyll care what you have to say? Who do you think theyll believe y/n? You a nobody cadet who's been fighting titans for 3 seconds? Or me, a selfless hero whos saved countless of scouts lives? All I have to tell them is that you came into my room and tried to seduce me. When I tried to restrain you, you screamed. Who do you think theyll listen too? Why else would you be here so late at night?"

"Y-You're..you're insane, you're not a hero, y-you're a coward who-" he grasped your jaw harshly causing you to wince.

"I'd watch that mouth of yours y/n" he squeezed harder. I am your superior after all, and we wouldnt want any nasty rumors going around that would have you suspended from the survey corps now would we?" He bent down and to your horror pressed his lips against yours.

Fuck fuck what do I do?!? Hes blackmailing me now. I cant fight him, hes too strong, think think think.

But your mind was blank when his cold lips pressed against your lips again. "Open your mouth" he ordered in a voice laced with animilistac lust.

You abruptly turned your head away desperate to get away.

"Heh, always such a tease" he traced a finger up and down your cheek, flipping over your lips. "I'll enjoy this-"

"CAPTAIN ORO, COMMANDER ERWIN REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE IN HIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY" a voice shouts from the other side of the locked door.

With an annoyed sigh, Oro pulls away slightly, "Did he say why?" He lazily looks over in the direction of the door.

"NO SIR!"

"guess it can't be helped... Alright tell him I'll be there shortly" he yelled out.

"Hai" the footsteps recended and you stood deathly still.

He pulled away from you and you immediately pulled your wrists to you, they were an angry red, and it scared you how much strength he had so effortlessly displayed.

"Sorry doll, it looks like we'll have to continue this another night" he stepped away and began dressing normally as if he hadn't just been assaulting you 5 second ago. You quickly make for the door but his voice falters your step, "Oh and y/n?"

You dont look at him, but fear held you in place until he finished, "If you mention our little moment to anyone, you know what will happen" you nodded quickly, anything to appease him and get out.

When the door shut behind you, you felt the flood of tears break through.

D-did, d-did that really happen?!?

You held a hand to quiet your sobs and quickly dashed through the hallways.

You're heart thumped and you felt the need to vomit. You hadn't felt this way since the first time youd encounted a titan. All you wanted to do was get to the safety of your room, just through the hall.

It felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on you when a cold voice shouted out and halted your movements. Please not now, oh god any time but now.

"Oi cadet y/n are you deaf as well as dumb? I asked you a question.

"Why are you out past curfew?" he sounded definitely annoyed and you gathered all your strength to hold the sobs out of your voice.

Without turning around you answered, "I-I had to deliver some r-reports..I'll head to my room now.." you stepped forward hoping he would let you go but you were not so lucky.

"Oi brat, did you hit your head? I didn't dismiss you yet. Not to mention you haven't even addressed me properly, maybe some time cleaning up horse shit will remind you how to respect your superiors" fuck he was definitely angry now.

Still you didn't turn around, you couldn't..."S-sorry Captain Levi, I'll do better in the future.." you barely could even focus on the words coming out of your mouth, your heart was beating a mile a minute. Please just leave me alone!

"Hahh" Levi uttered in disbelief and severe annoyance, even the most novice of cadets turn around when being spoken to by a superior. "Are you trying to piss me off brat?!?"

"No sir..." still you didnt turn around, but gulped in fear when you heard sharp footsteps near you.

"Cadet y/n, you have three seconds to turn around and salute me properly before I throw you into the cells for insubordination" he ordered in his dangerously calm voice, that you never thought would be directed at you.

Having no other choice you slowly turn around, hoping to god the darkness of the room would be enough to hide your current state.

You kept your head down, letting your hair fall over your face, but gave a proper salute. Hiding the Wince that came when the tender flesh of your wrist had to bend.

Your eyes were trained on the floor. And you tried to remember how to breathe normally again.

"At least you remember how to-" abruptly his harsh scolding stopped.

Why did he stop?! Fuck did he notice something. No no calm down, he probably just is coming up with another punishment...right?

Wrong...

Levi was far from being done with dicisplining you but he caught sight of your bruised wrist and furrowed his brows immediately. He knew for a fact the last time you spoke in the hall those had not been there. He was quick to take in the rest of your demeanor and knew immediately that the reason you were acting disrespectful was because something was wrong.

"Cadet y/n.." he said suspiciously slow and not full of anger anymore.

"Y-yes?" Please dont ask me, please dont ask me, please dont-

"Look at me"

*******************************

Part 2 here

Okay so that's part 1! Please comment and lemme know what you think🥰also I'm super sensitive so please no hateful comments. Thanks for reading!

[mageofarcane]

sorry for scaring you LMAO im glad you liked them tho!! :D i have a million headcanons but im too scared start a proper blog so they just sit and collect dust </3 its def less scary to share on anon so maybe ill try to upgrade to named anon someday if that doesnt bother you :'D anyway since you asked here are more random headcanons!! <3

i havent slept in forever so they might be rly messy sorry in advance

tenma tsukasa ☆

tsukasa has to wake up extra early everyday bc he has an extensive skincare routine

one time he tried dancing in the shower and almost fell so he now he thinks abt the dance while singing

sometimes tsukasa would try to use some random cheesy line he found on you but get flustered mid sentence and fail (it would take weeks for him to tell you what it was lmao)

he usually sleeps like a starfish but sometimes curls into a ball

he loves holding you and rambling abt musicals and shows hes watched recently (he makes mental notes on what you like and always gives the best recommendations <3)

when he was little, he claimed the loft as his room bc he thought it was cool

now that hes older he wishes he had four walls (esp with his family complaining abt how loud he can be bc the loft def projects his voice lmao), but he still thinks its cool

tsukasa loves sharing food with you!! when you order at a restaurant, he likes putting both of your dishes in the middle to share with eachother (idk if this is normal outside of where im from lmao sorry)

he always makes sure to have smth you like in his bento and he loves seeing you smile when he gives it to you!!

he loves your smile in general! it always brings a smile to his face too, and it makes everything feel worth it to him <3

kamishiro rui ◇

im sorry but rui would 100% draw on your face if you fell asleep somewhere random </3 he wouldnt use a permanent marker tho!! hes not that mean

he would still try his best to save your neck by waking you up or carrying you to bed tho

rui is rly rly rly warm and will give the literal best hugs omg i want rui hug ):

he sleeps on his side and somrtimes hugs his pillow

if he doesnt set multiple alarms he WILL sleep in

if you cant sleep he would hold you and ramble, hum, or sing for you depending on what you prefer

ruis rly good at reading ppls expressions and body language, and will use it to his advantage when needed (this made him rly good at noticing how youre feeling and he always reacts accordingly)

he loves when you hang around his workshop!! it doesnt matter what youre doing, he just finds it rly endearing that you chose to stay with him!! <3

he has reading glasses bc he used to hide under the covers and read with a flashlight when he was little

he loves making trinkets for you bc he adores the smile on your face when he gives it to you <3

when hes not trolling on minecraft, he can make rly pretty builds that go along with his redstone contraptions

rui and nene used to text using discord before meeting the rest of wxs

he enjoys doing chores with you! he wouldnt admit it, but doing mundane yet domestic tasks with you makes him feel warm and giddy lmao hes literally smitten <3

I've never been so happy to wake up and see an even longer wall of text than the previous night. You're always more than welcome to send me your headcanons whenever you'd like and if you have a name or emoji or anything you want to be referred to as lmk :) I hope you don't mind me commenting to your headcanons and adding on to them.

The Tsukasa ones are so good. I've never really thought much about how he got his loft bedroom until seeing this and I love this headcanon. Like, I've thought it was weird how a teenager could deal with a open bedroom like his, but with Tsukasa I pretty much thought that he just doesn't like the closed in feeling of an actually bedroom and feels more comfortable with a more open and bright room.

Thought it's not a very common thing in U.S., at least as far as I have ever seen, I adore the idea of Tsukasa (and Rui) sharing his food with his s/o. I've thought for a while that he would often make an extra bento to give you. Doesn't matter the occasion, he is often spontaneous with his actions and just likes to make things for you to enjoy.

Rui doesn't seem to be very strong but I like to think he has some good arm strength from moving around is robots, so I'm sure he could pick some up for a short time. If he hasn't seen you in a few days or so, the moment he sees you he'd pick you up and spin you around, playing around and acting like he seen you in months. He would get very clingy when tired and doesn't want to let go of his s/o when it's time to get up. He's pretty quick to fall asleep but does his best to help lull you to sleep if you can't sleep. I love his voice so much and it's so soft so it would be very comforting to have him hum or sing you to sleep.

Lot of hangouts between him and his s/o being spent in his workroom with him working on whatever and you doing your own thing but knowing you're there with him makes him so happy. I like the idea of him only actually liking to clean and do chores if you're there with him.

He does love to make you trinkets. Maybe he'd get into wire art or something like that and would make you some intricate flowers and even necklaces or other jewelry with stones or gems inside them that hold a special meaning.

I bet the whole group has a discord together and it being fun chaos, full of the most random memes, show ideas, play bickering, and changing each others names to funny or random things,

Rui with glasses is way too adorable

[literaila]

a void on your side of the bed. 

loki x gn!reader 

summary: loki is feeling lonely. and guilty about that. 

here was the thing:

loki tried not to ask for too much. he tried to be the perfect partner, the perfect person just for you.

he didnt complain when you wanted to sleep in, or when he was supposed to make you breakfast (he enjoyed doing that). he wasnt upset when you asked him to ‘clean up’ around the house, or when you refused to buy him any more ice cream.

he tried to eliminate any problems-- never been done before by the god of mischief --he might cause before they even appeared, and tried to give you anything and everything you might want.

it wasnt a hard task, actually. he liked the feeling in his chest when you smiled at him, when you were grateful for his help or when he surprised you with something that made your life just a little bit better. he liked taking care of you, causing less trouble than before.

but. it was really hard not to complain when you werent paying attention to him.

when you needed space for just a bit too long for his liking. when he felt like an interruption every time he attempted to make any small talk with you, and you sighed-- almost reluctantly --before turning to him.

he knew you were busy, and he knew that you wanted to get as much work done as you could during the day. he just didnt like it.

he didnt like not conversing with you during the day, not cuddling with you on the couch during lunch while you snacked on something beside him. he didnt like leaving you alone until it was nine o’clock at night and you looked like you were contemplating murder.

he felt lonely. and he just missed you.

and, gods, he was really trying not to complain.

he was really trying not to make this a bigger struggle for you by stealing any of your time. he knew how hard you were working, knew that it drained all the life out of you by the end of the day, knew that the last thing you needed was him telling you that he was upset.

he was used to not sharing his emotions, to building up walls and keeping all his thoughts locked in. but usually, he didnt have to do that with you.

it was all looking up for loki when the week was coming to a slow end. friday night, he felt excited to get you back for at least two days, to steal all the time he could from you before you got annoyed of him. he got his usual smirk back when you came out of your office friday night, giving him a soft smile as you headed to the bedroom.

this was it, he knew. tomorrow morning, he wasnt going to let you leave bed until at least noon.

he fell asleep that night, arms tucked around you, lips smiling against your head, with thoughts of the next day filling his dreams.

so, when he woke up in the morning, colder than usual, a void where you were laying in his arms, it wasnt surprising that he was feeling more upset than before.

disappointment was a violent emotion.

still, he walked out of the room with some hope left, that maybe you were just drinking coffee and eating breakfast while you waited for him.

that hope disappeared when he heard the familiar click-clacking from the room you had proclaimed was your office.

you were working. again. and loki was alone. again.

he felt a groan building up in his chest, a terrible feeling filling him as he listened for your breathing. he knew it was madness to miss you this much when you were only a door away, but he wasnt used to spending days away from you.

he reminded himself that you were right there with a bitter laugh.

he was trying not to be angry or disappointed with you, he knew that it wasnt fair to put you at the end of the blame when you didnt even know how he was feeling and that it wasnt fair for him to want you to stay with him of every second of every day. to ask for so much.

he turned toward the bedroom again and tried to drown his emotions in reading.

it wasnt really working, but at least when he was this far away from you he didnt feel like you were ignoring him.

at around noon, after hours of re-reading the same chapter over and over again and illusioning himself as his brother and throwing a fake hammer around, he finally decided that you needed lunch, at least. he decided that bringing lunch was a perfectly acceptable thing for a significant other to do.

(and hopefully, it wouldnt annoy you too much)

“my love,” he called, knocking on the door. “i’ve brought you sustenance”

you replied a quick ‘come in!’ and loki put a smile on his face, walking in the room deviously and grinning down at you in your chair.

“thank you, loki,” you whispered, kissing his cheek when he leaned to place the plate on your desk, rubbing a hand down his arm when you looked back at the screen in front of you.

loki tried not to preen too much at the touch.

“how are you, love?” he asked, bending down to stare at the screen with you. he didnt understand anything about it, but it was still fun to pretend. to include himself with you.

“oh, tired,” was all you said as you leaned over to type something yet again. loki frowned at your words and focused his attention on your face instead.

you looked perfectly normal, perfect and normal, he supposed. your eyes were bright and your face was blank, but still, loki was worried over your words.

“maybe you could take a break for lunch then?” he asked, bringing a hand to your face and tracing your jawline with his thumb. he was trying to sound casual, to not let the hope that you might concede slip.

“i wish i could,” you sighed and looked over at him with a smile, taking the hand that was on your face and placing a gentle kiss on his palm. he froze under the attention. “thank you, sunshine, for lunch. i adore you,” you kissed him again, and turned away.

his hand was still in the air, left behind.

your words were sweet. exactly what loki wanted to hear, really, but he heard the unspoken dismissal of his presence. he knew this was your way of asking him to leave, even if you didnt realize it.

he wanted to plead with you to let him stay.

he stood up instead, not letting the sigh escape his lips in the room with you, and headed toward the door. he touched the doorknob, feeling all the emotions building up in his chest. making their way through his body like a stampede.

it was all very much for him. this disappointment that he could barely hide anymore. the loneliness he knew he had to return to in the other room.

before he realized it, the words were slipping from his lips.

“have i done something wrong?” his usual teasing tone was there, his usual indicator for dramatics, but when you looked at him the look on his face was much more serious than his tone.

you frowned immediately, and loki scolded himself. “quite the opposite really, sweets. you just brought me lunch?”

“right, of course.” he nodded to go, but you stopped him.

“is there something wrong, loki?” you were turned towards him completely, concern tainting both your face and your tone. loki felt terrible like he shouldn’t have said anything at all.

he tried to put on a smile. “no, darling.”

but you werent easy to trick, he knew, and you scowled at him. “loki.” you were staring at him with your intimidating eyes now, only slightly soft because you were worried. even to a god, it was scary.

reluctantly, he nodded. avoiding your eyes now.

“come sit, sunshine,” you said, gesturing to the couch next to your desk. loki could hear the concern more now, stronger. he winced and took a seat.

after a few moments of silence and loki looking at the wall with furrowed eyebrows, you spoke first. “whats wrong?”

he sighed, feeling silly. you were supposed to be working and he was interrupting that with childish emotions that he could deal with himself. but still, he couldnt help but feel grateful at your asking.

“we havent been spending as much time together recently and..” he stopped, still avoiding his eyes to run a hand through his hair. “i suppose i’m feeling a bit..excluded? or maybe lonely?” he winced, sighed, looked like the perfect definition of regret. “i dont know” he said, almost silent.

but while loki was feeling ridiculous, you were looking upon him with something similar to horror in your eyes. terror at the thought of hurting him.

you were well aware that you’d been working more, the exhaustion every night made sure of it, but you hadnt realized that it was taking a toll on loki too, that he was... missing you while you were preoccupied.

you hadnt even considered it, really, when you longed to go watch a movie with him or have dinner together. your clinginess wasnt surprising, but loki?

he never seemed to mind space.

your brain took a few seconds to process it before you could speak again. “i’m so sorry, loki.” you were already pleading with him, begging for forgiveness.

how could you have disregarded him so much this week? you felt disgusted at the thought.

loki’s head snapped up in shock. he thought you might be tired with his admission, maybe even upset. not... regretful? he didnt expect to see this look on your face, one that was so disappointed, so loving.

“i didnt realize that you might be feeling lonely also, which is completely unthoughtful of me, i just thought that maybe-” you were gesturing with your hands, looking around the room rapidly as you used all your breath.

“you arent upset?” loki asked carefully, interrupting your rambling.

you paused, then blinked, looking at him curiously. he was serious, that much you could tell. he had that same frown on his face. you blinked again.

“upset?” you repeated, astounded. “why would i be upset?”

loki was just as confused as you now. he scratched his neck, looking down. “because i’m getting in the way of your work, interrupting you, being troublesome?” he said it as if he was trying to ring any bells in your head. he seemed sure of every word he spoke.

all you felt was more horror.

“your emotions are not interruptions or ‘troublesome’“ you mocked his accent, mostly with anger at yourself as you scowled at the floor. your words were harsh, but loki didnt flinch away. he still didnt understand.

“they aren’t?”

your eyes snapped up to his, guilt pouring from them. immediately, you jumped up from your chair, coming to sit next to him and taking his hand in yours. his face relaxed a bit at the feel of your touch. “of course they’re not, loki. if you’re upset i want to know. you and your feelings arent burdens on my day, i love you!” you promised him with strong eyes, with a strong grip on his hand.

it was probably the most important thing in the world to you that he knew this. that he didnt feel unwanted again.

“i love you too” he answered, quickly, before he even had the chance to think over your words.

he almost smiled when he did, proud of himself, of you, for seemingly no reason. you loved him.

it was nice to hear.

it was also nice to hear the softness in your voice, the sweet words, his name. it was nice to be sitting next to you.

he was hit was a sudden burst of longing, this time for something different.

he wished he would’ve talked to you days before, wished there was more he could do. if that had happened, he might’ve saved you both from some unwanted feelings. might’ve kept you from the sorrow that you still had on your face.

you were still upset, he knew.

“i’m sorry i’ve been so busy. that i havent spent enough time with you,” the words fell from your lips before you could stop them, despite the happy look on loki’s face. you still felt horrible, guilty for making loki feel anything but joy.

“its okay, darling, i know you have a lot of work to do.”

though his words were sweet, they only made you scoff.

“thats not an excuse.” you insisted, scowling again. “i havent been taking care of you,”

loki, who no longer felt disappointed or lonely, who was enjoying just the sound of your voice and feel of your skin, frowned with you. he didnt like the pain in your voice, the anger he could hear.

he really wasnt upset anymore, never upset with you, to begin with. he was only glad that you knew he’d missed you and that you seemed to feel the same. he was happy to see you away from your desk.

his brows furrowed.

then he smiled again, leaning in closer to you with an idea.

he lifted your face towards him with gentle fingers, admiring you before he spoke. “i know how i’d like you to make it up to me,” he said, smirking at you.

it was a familiar look. one you hadnt seen in far too many days.

“you do?” you asked him, forgetting your guilt for a moment while he stared at you.

he nodded, staring down at your lips. his damned smirk was glued to his face now, distracting you from anything besides him. “i rather think you’ll enjoy it..” he assured.

and then he kissed you, and guilt was the last thing on your mind.

the thing was: loki was already the perfect person for you.

*

[souichieatr]

hiluuu! can i request a scenario/drabble for tsukishima, kuroo, oikawa, and akaashi where they're in a heated argument with their fem!s/o, then she suddenly faints? turns out she had a fever since the morning and hid it from them but got worse during their fight?

their s/o faints during a heated argument

with tsukishima k, kuroo t, oikawa t, akaashi k

a/n: thank you for requesting i hope you enjoy, im sorry this took forever?????? they get longer each one omg

tsukishima k

you don't even remember why you both are fighting, as he sips another insult your headache gets worse. as you don't say anything just raise your hand to your head he gets even more frustrated. "can you at least act like your age, ignoring me isn't going to resolve the issue." he says not noticing how your body starts to shuffle as you try and keep your balance. rolling his eyes turning to the door, "im not going to deal with this today-" before he can finish he hears a loud thud, turning around he sees your body on the floor. rushing to the floor next to you, "y/n?" bringing his hands up to your head, biting his lip cursing at himself in his head. picking up and lays you down in the bed as he gets water and a towel. when you wake up again you notice youre in bed, trying to sit up youre pushed back down. “don't do that, that wasn't cool” he says in a low tone, handing you a glass and some medicine. taking them both with a nod, “thank you kei and im sorry” you say handing the glass back to him, setting it down on the table he takes your hand. gently kissing the back of it and resting his head on your hand. “why are you on the floor?” you softly smile at him hearing a small ‘shut up.’

kuroo t

the fight started because he started to prioritize the volleyball team more than you. it didnt bother you that he stayed late, went early to practice, it didnt bother you until he started canceling plans with you. he told you repeatedly he would spend more time with you, today not being any different waiting in the rain in front of the cafe you both decided to eat at. not until 10 minutes had passed you went back to the school, walking to the gym with angry steps you opened the door roughly. the whole team looking at you soaking wet, frozen for a second he walks over to you. “y/n what are you doing here?” he says in an annoyed tone. “don't give me that bullshit tetsurō, we had plans today i waited for you to only be stood up again, are you even serious about this? us?” you say motioning your hand between him and you. rolling his eyes and he huffs, “can you stop being dramatic? im a captain this team needs me i didnt know you could be so selfish” widening your eyes at him, trying to catch your breath you close your eyes. “selfish? me selfish? you have some nerve i'll be leaving since i dont wanna bother the captain and his team” you say sarcastically, stepping back outside you start coughing. kuroo following behind you, “this conversation isn't done yet” he says grabbing your wrist, turning you around and his eyes widen. “y/n? you look pale are you okay?” he says as he does your eyes roll back and your legs give out. taking you in his arms he rushed inside asking the guys to grab towels to dry you off. sitting down on the floor with you in between his legs, he holds you close feeling guilty. feeling you stir awake he kisses your cheek, “im so sorry babe this is my fault, if i had just been there you wouldnt have been waiting in the rain” he says hugging you tighter. “im serious about us more than anything. i'll try harder to put more effort into our relationship. “i trust you tetsu and do you have any medicine? my heads killing me” you say smiling, he smiles and hands you a bottle of pills and a water.

oikawa t

sitting on the couch, rubbing your temples. “tooru can we please talk about this? youve been ignoring me all day” you say looking at him as he paces the room. “oh now you wanna talk? i thought you were too busy with iwa to notice me” he said stopping to look at you. “wow why are you so mad? what does iwaizumi have to do with this?” you say giving him a confused face as you rest your hand on the back of the couch. “y/n why dont you just date him huh? you obviously like him so much, why are you even with me?” he says getting louder each word. “literally what?” you saying this getting him more frustrated. sighing at those words he runs his hands through his hair, “i saw you both hugging if i knew you were just jumping my friends maybe i what've listened to all those girls.” “okay now what the actual fuck tooru? i can't hug a friend all of a sudden? did you just imply that i am cheating? i cannot believe you” you say feeling your anger bubble up, he opens his mouth to say something. “no no! because how dare you, you have girls all over you everywhere trying to take pictures and give you gifts, you expect me to worship the ground like they do dont you? guess what im not, you dont get to accuse me of cheating because i hugged someone that someone being your closest friend just what person do you take me as huh?” you say getting up fast, maybe too fast as the pounding in your head gets louder. leaning your weight on the couch as you continue, “me and iwaizumi share one simple goal and thats to keep your ass in line, all those late nights and you overworking yourself, you not coming to anyone for help and your bratty ass attitude hes the only one who'll help me deal with you, im not gonna let you blame him because all hes done is help you.” you say getting the strength to get closer to him as you try and take a step your legs falter. his initial reaction to everything you said had his eyes widened and mouth agape, seeing you almost fall sent him over to you trying to help. “no i can do i-” you say as you start to fall and everything goes black. opening your eyes slowly you feel something cool on your head, “hey youre up” a voice says softly. looking over to see tooru next to you as he grabs your hand, before you could say anything else he speaks up. “let me talk for a bit yeah?” he asks as he looks at your joined hands, whispering a soft “okay” he continues. “im sorry, im sorry for not noticing you weren't feeling good, im sorry for saying you cheated, im sorry for yelling, i just got insecure after i heard some girls talk about how cute you and iwa look and seeing you both hug like that just set me off” he says lifting your hands and kisses your knuckles. “i like how you dont worship the ground i step on, i like how you fight back but when i need you most youre always there. i appreciate everything you and iwa do, i love you y/n.” he finishes and looks at you with teary eyes, pulling him down into a hug you whisper “i love you too.”

akaashi k

now arguing with him isnt a normal thing, usually you both can speak calmly and work it out. he gets frustrated because you're not listening and he's been having a stressed week and just kinda blows up. sighing as he runs his hands through his hair, breathing in and out slowly trying to calm himself down. you roll your eyes, “keiji im fine can you just leave me alone, you dont have to treat me like a baby- '' before you could finish he lets out a small mocking laugh. “i wouldnt treat you like one if you didnt act like one, y/n grow up and take some responsibility so /i/ dont have to be the bad guy, the stressed one, the one who has to take care of you.” staring at him with wide eyes he continues, “you wanted me to stop treating you like a baby stop looking so shocked.” you feel a tickle in your throat, trying to hold it in hoping if youre quiet enough you could sneak away. ultimately failing and having a coughing fit you feel your legs get wobbly. “were you trying to hold it in? so childish” he says looking away about to walk off, turning his head to look at you before he walks away he sees your eyes roll back. you wake up on the couch with a wet towel and a blanket on you, slowly sitting up and looking towards the kitchen you see akaashi quietly making you food. looking back at the table you see a glass and some medicine. taking the items and washing them down alerted akaashi to you being awake, rushing to you he looks down at his hands as he picks at them. “how are you feeling?” he asks quietly, you answer with a quick “fine.” sitting on the side of the couch he faces you, “im sorry theres really no excuse for the way i acted i just i hate seeing you trying to be okay when youre not.” scooting closer you rest your head on his shoulder, “if what its worth i like when you baby me” smiling at you he kisses your forehead. “i'll remember that.”

not proofread

[cynettic]

Hii,I’d like to request a fanfic about kaeya and venti(seperate) comforting a gn!reader after losing their pet

Summary - Venti and Kaeya comfort you after the loss of your pet.

Pairings - Reader x Venti / Kaeya

Warnings - Pet angst

Penpal - Sorry for getting to you late! If you did by chance lose a pet like that I’m so sorry to hear that- I tried to make it extra comforting for that case. If not and I’m just overthinking it- I hope you enjoy it either way :)

A/N - Ahhhh- I havent posted in so long ;-; sorry sorry, been stuck with 40-50 hours of work this entire week, and when I get home I just grind Inazuma. I havent even caught up to the archon quest, just exploring lol

Comfort after Losing a Pet

Venti

Venti has lived for a very long time, and even with his cheerful chatter and harmless jokes, he’s gained a strong sense of wisdom from these years. He has no doubt attached himself to people throughout these years and lost them, but instead of feeling sad for them, I feel like Venti would keep them close to his heart instead.

He’d urge you to do the same.

Things like these take time, taking in the death of someone important to you is not easy, he understands that.

Venti can be incredibly patient, even though it might be hard for him to put himself exactly in your shoes, he will wait alongside you.

Unless it’s a cat.

He’s allergic to those little fuckers- and even if he doesn’t share a particular hatred towards them…

Jk jk he’ll comfort you and mourn your pet with you either way, he just wants to see you smile again.

What Venti could best give you is words and time, he doesn’t really have much archon duties so he’ll spend the day doing things with you. He’ll even skip a few nights at the bar just to cuddle with you and make you feel safe and like you have someone to rely on.

As for words, we all know Venti is a smooth talker- who’s to say he isn’t good at soothing someone either?

He probably won’t be as touchy as Kaeya will, and will rely on the things he can do to cheer you up. Playing his lyre, telling you jokes, and just being by you.

_-_-_-_

"People and animals come and go, I know for sure that -pet name- loved you dearly Y/n. And even if they can’t be here with you," Venti pressed a loving kiss to your chest right where your heart was. "They’ll always be right here with you.”

_-_-_-_

“They’re gone.”

You slowly sank to your knees, lips pressed firmly shut as you tried to blink away the tears. Shock coursed your body as you tried to understand just what had happened. But every time you thought about it, your heart thud a bit too loudly against your chest, and suddenly you wanted to cry all over again.

Venti, who was right beside you didn’t know what to do. His hands were outstretched to bring you into his arms, but he was unsure of whether it was the contact you need at the moment.

He decided to simply rest his hand on your back.

The two of you had just been on your way back home after having to put your pet down, something you’d been trying to delay, but knew you had to with their age and actions. Venti had stood with you through it all, but you hadn’t shed a tear back then.

But the shock gradually faded away, and you were a sobbing mess.

Venti rubbed his hand on your back, whispering soft promises and loving words into your ear. It hurt him to see you like this, and even if he was close and had known your pet well, it didnt affect him nearly as much as it did you. However, when you continued to sit crouched on the floor, he knew he needed to take action.

Slowly, he lifted you to your feet, opening the door to your home and slowly helping you inside. Tears continued to trickle down your face as he walked you over to your bedroom, a firm grip on your arm so you wouldnt fall. His thumb gently brushed the skin of your arm, a contact that reminded you he was there.

He gently sat you on the bed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Y/n,” he began gingerly, already taking off your boots and unnecessary accessories. “Take a deep breath in.”

You did just that, but another sob broke past your lips and suddenly you were wiping them away.

“No no,” he took your hands in his, your wrists encased in his gentle grip. “I’m not asking you to stop crying… I just want you to clear your head a little.” His gaze was soft as he looked up at you from his crouched position. “Being sad over this is completely normal, I’ll be with you through it all.”

He slowly brought your fingertips to his lips, pressing a featherlike kiss to each of them. So soft that by the time he’d finished, you’d stopped crying. His touch made you feel warm, a bright reminder that he was here with you, that you wouldnt be alone during this.

“(Pet Name) loved you Y/n. I want you to know that they were happy till the end, happy with you. I know you need to grieve, but don’t ever think that you’ll have to do it alone.”

Kaeya

Kaeya may not as lived as much as Venti, but he has certainly gone through enough to understand handling a loss. He’s lost a great amount of family, and has lost his relationship with his brother. He probably hasnt had a pet before, but knows the importance they hold.

He probably got to know your pet too, formed memories and came to love them as well.

It wont hit him as hard though .

Kaeya will also be patient with you, theres no rush to heal over what happened or finish your grievances. Expect him to be there with you for the majority of the time, he might ask for a couple of days just to stay with you.

But Kaeya still needs to work, hence time not being one of the main providers he can give you. Instead, he would wrap you in his arms and wouldnt let go. Physical contact and giving are what he’s gonna be doing.

You feel hungry for eggs and bacon? Chef Kaeya to the rescue-

Tbh I dont even know if he can cook.

Like Venti, he will remind you constantly that he’s there. Because he knows that its exactly what he needed back when Crepus died. He’ll remind you through his words, actions, and contact.

24/7 Cuddle buddy.

He most definitely calls you nicknames all the time, but the names before the death of your pet might have been more like, babe, doll, honey. He might’ve switched to love, dear, dearest, stuff like that for a little.

Idk- but ‘Your pet loved you doll,’ doesnt sound as nice as, ‘Your pet loved you dear.

_-_-_-_

“We made so many memories with them,” he whispered into your ear, arms around you. “You were always there with them, loved and took care of them, I know they loved and appreciated you for it.”

_-_-_-_

“I’m fine Kaeya,” you mumbled as he held the cup of tea to your lips. Your hands could easily grasp the sides, but for some odd reasons he insisted on being the one to do everything for you. You knew it was partly because he’d have to start going back to work soon, and he just wanted you to feel comfortable.

“I know,” he simply said, a smile playing at his lips. “But I want to spoil you with love, just take it.”

You felt your throat go dry and your chest thud painfully, something you’d gotten used to since yesterday. The loss of your pet struck hard, but you found it all the more bearable with Kaeya, who stood alongside you through it all.

Finishing the tea, he climbed into bed with you, hand coming to pull you close to his chest. His fingers slowly brushed the skin of your back, soothing patterns that would send you to sleep right away. But instead, you nuzzled your head deeper into his chest.

“I miss them,” you spoke softly.

Kaeya didnt stop with the motions on your back, but instead drifted his other hand to the back of your head. He brushed his fingers through your locks, lowering how own head down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“I know you do,” was what he said in a whisper. “Theres nothing wrong with it either, you will miss them for an eternity.” He spoke from experience, but was never harsh with his words as if he expected you to know. “But eventually, you will solely remember those good memories with (Pet name). Those are the only ones that matter, because you made them happy, and they made you happy.”

The deep breath you took in was painful.

But he was right, you knew well that their memories and your yearning for them would turn into a past adoration. You would never forget them, but you’d come to accept their loss and always remember them in a happy light.

“Thank you,” you mumbled softly to the boy, wrapping your hands around his waist. “You always know what to say and do… thank your for being here for me.”

“I will always be here for you,” was his answer.

[polyamorouscultureis]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Wow, this is a lot. I'm sorry you've been through this.

From your original question, being a "bad communicator" when you're angry suggested to me that you're the kind of person who needs space to collect their thoughts before being able to have a mature conversation, which is perfectly fine - I'm like that too!

But given this story you followed up with, sounds like the instance you are talking about where you didnt tell him what was wrong was long after these mismatched expectations had been established. You told him you wanted more than FWB, and he didnt want to move beyond something casual. You both were going through really hard periods of your life. It's possible that subconsciously, you didnt feel safe speaking candidly to him yet, considering your past with abusive men.

However, considering the aftermath of all that, I do think you dodged a bullet with him. You said you told him everything you were having issues with (even if emotional, you still told him, which is good!) and his response was to turn to name calling and vagueposting on Twitter? That does not point to a communication problem on your end.

At the end of the day, I do think it's best to block him and move on. What do you get out of that relationship? I know it's hard to know people are upset with you, but given what you told me I think you both need space from each other.

Best of luck to you anon ❤

[angelicmichael]

What if Xavier had a kid he didn't know about and he meets them for the first time after he's already a ghost? Maybe there's a kindergarten group that takes a trip to the camp, and he just has this spirit intuition as soon as he sees them and KNOWS it's his child. Do you think you could expand on this idea? I'd love to see what you come up with!

A/N: This was so fun, thank you for this idea dear anon!! I'm sorry it's late but hopefully u like it 😶. Also, I apologize this is so dark and heavy- I didnt intend for it.. it just, kinda happened lmfao. I turned this into a 'x reader' and it starts with Xaviers POV and ends with readers perspective!! First few paragraphs are pretty dark and then the rest is weird.. angst fluff LOL.Hope yall enjoy 💖💖💖

Warnings: First few paragraphs discuss Xavier's thots about dying SO, it highkey gets dark yall I'm so sorry, mentions of anger?? issues, mentions of murder, stops getting dark roughly around paragraph 6 if u wanna skip all that, MAJOR ANGST, reuniting, very brief Xantana reference 😈, mention of kids, bit of fluff.. think that's it :)

In Xaviers eyes; the worst part of being killed in a desolate camp and having to reside there for the rest of eternity; wasnt the fact that he would have to handle Richard Rameriez and tolerate his peers for eons to come. Sure, both of those things required an adjustment period but.. the realization that his life with you was abruptly cut short, was what truly broke him.

It took him being stripped from everything he once knew to truly appreciate how heavenly life once was before Camp Redwood. He had a steady job, good friends, and a relationship with a actual living, breathing person.. Not to shade Montana or anything, of course. However he had taken all of those things for fucking granted; moving to Camp Redwood definetly had made him become humble- at the very least. He was now nothing but a mere shell of the person he once was; nothing to bring him out of this absolute living nightmare he found himself in.. At first this mindset nearly consumed him, it drove him to kill multiple times.

There was no point in trying to conceal the anger he felt, no way of trying to channel it out into a more socially appropriate way and at this point.. there really was no point in trying to do so. Out here in the forest, espically after he was killed, life outside of the forest soon seemed as if it was some type of myth or fairytale- something not real or attainable. Time in the redwood forest felt different- days quickly bled and melted into weeks, and then months.. trying to guess the date was something Xavier gave up on doing after about the first week.

As much as he tried to deny it, being dead and becoming trapped here had completly made him lose his grip on reality and his previous life. Soon enough, the thought that life even fully existed outside of the camp and that there was actual fucking laws against killing (something which was now a leisurely hobby) had completly slipped his mind momentarily in the beginning as well. Out here in the forest, nothing felt real execpt for his anger that he held onto so tightly.

It was really the only thing he had left; atleast for a while.

The pain of losing his partner, (y/n), still remained but letting that grief not consume him was easily the hardest battle he had fought in his life. Xavier realized he still had his friends - and if he really was going to live for eternity, he sure wasnt going to spend it angry.

After so many years of being 'cursed' to spend forever in this forest, keeping track of the time was something Xavier rarely bothered with, but - it was obvious by the suns posistion, and even the slight mist that made the grass wet that it was just starting to cut into morning. Xavier walked through the forest alone, nowhere in particular to go or to necessarily do, only a sudden need to go and be alone. Almost a beckoning, for him to go and be somewhere else. To witness something.

His days were more often than not purely mundane; he had absolutely no excuse to not listen to this odd and sudden attraction he felt toward a very particular spot in the camp.. so, that's what brought him to where he stood now. Close to the road that brought visitors (a nice word for victims) into Camp Redwood, right next to the mess hall which was rarely used close by.

Xavier felt wildly uncomfortable standing so close to the place which previously held so much trauma - and honestly still did.. The place where Chef Bertie died. Xavier paused, about to just say 'fuck it' and just give up and go back to where his friends resided (or atleast Montana) when.. he heard it.

His sign, the thing that seemingly enticed him in the first place.

It first sounded like the old, familar sounds of tires coming across a gravel road - Xaviers mind immeadietly jumped to perhaps this could be new people.. new vistors.. new victims.

His blood ran cold when he heard something else; an eerie ringing of chains hitting against the ground. Something that was mostly a associated with buses.. and hauntingly familar. He had little to no time to think or even act on his suspicion when he noticed that a yellow school bus full, and nearly combusting with children was pulling into the camp.

Xavier wasnt exactly certain the bounds that ghosts had when it came to certain bodily functions like vomiting, but hes sure that under normal circumstances he would certainly be sick by now. Nevertheless he could feel his body tense up and the other natural symptoms associated with anxiety also kicked in. Urging him to clumsily get out of vision; he stumbled behind a few trees that poorly blocked him from sight. He continued to watch in complete and utter horror as the bus came to a stop, and it didnt take long for kids to start pouring out of the bus. Xavier felt his heart drop and his blood run cold every time a kid exited the bus and stepped on the dirt soil of Camp Redwood.

Xavier whipped his head around; scanning the surrounding area to make sure no other ghosts were here to bear witness to this.. Xavier was nearly always down to commit murder, it was really the only thing that kept him from fully going insane from pure fucking boredom but - kids? There was no fucking way he would let anyone touch them.

While he thoroughly scanned the area, he noticed a few adults leave the bus out of his periphery vision. He thought nothing of it, chaperones were to be expected on elementary field trips but.. the strange beckoning feeling he felt ealier visited him again, urging him to turn his head fully and look at one of the chaperones more closely. Instantaneously, he then automatically realized why he felt so compelled to come to this spot.. Why he was meant to be here at this exact moment.. It was you.

At first he thought he was merely hallucinating; you definetly looked significantly different from the last time he had saw you but.. he knew it was you, his partner that he had before his life completly went to shit (minus the catastrophe that occured with Blake, of course). He knew instantly, it was your eyes, your stature and just.. your overall warm and familiar aura that gave your identity away. He couldnt believe that the person he had so fucking desperately wanted to see more than anyone or anything was only a few feet away - and now, that you were finally here... All he wanted for you to do was to leave.

As soon as he saw you he felt a sudden tightness posses his chest and throat which accompanied the formation of tears burning his eyes; hastily blurring his vision. He had to physically restrain himself from sobbing outloud; trying his best to just swallow down his tears. His whole body felt as if it was on fire with anxiety, but he chose to continue to stand still behind a few dainty trees - trying to pull himself together so he could actually have the chance to think critically and choose what the ever living fuck he was going to do next.

While he waited for his blurry vision to clear, he chose to focus on the semi distant figure that he knew was you. He took in the little details; like how the sun highlighted the colors in your hair and your simple but charming outfit. It took him several moments to think of why you would even be here in the first place, with a school bus- and thats when another dreadful realization hit him.

Only parents were mainly chaperones when it came to elementary field trips.. meaning-

No other thought crossed Xaviers mind as his eyes flicked down inhumanely fast to the child where (y/n) stood next too.. and immeadietly he knew.

The features the child shared of both you and Xavier were partially a giveaway, but most importantly.. it was the feeling he had that confirmed his belief. The initial anxiety he felt of the kids arriving still remained but was significantly muted and mostly replaced with a overwhelming sense of pure love. The feeling spread to every fiber of his being, and so did a odd urge to protect this small being which he knew was his.

Not ever in his entire life had he felt this way about someone (execpt for perhaps, you). He felt himself taking a few steps forward, at first completly involuntary but he knew he had to talk to you. Just the idea of reuniting tasted so fucking good but, he knew he couldnt get too greedy if he was going to talk to you. He knew confronting you had to be solely done in order to save you and his child, he couldnt get carried away. He wouldnt.

He tried his best to appear casual as he submerged from behind the trees, his hands held behind his back - the only way he could get them to stop shaking. He tried to relax his shoulders and appear confident as he strided up to you; your back turned toward him. He continued until he was directly behind you, he wanted to tap your shoulder but - touching you seemed out of the question. That would confirm everything, it would make it seem actually real and not like this just some torturous dream.

"(Y/n)"? He spoke.

Xaviers breath hitched as he watched you whip around to face him. He studied your features as you went from looking utterly confused to surprised beyond belief.

"Xavier, what-"

"We need to talk".

Xavier quickly grabbed your hand, leading you away from herd of kids and the few sparse chaperones that were amongst them. A few of them gave you two a few odd looks but neither you or Xavier particularly cared, after all this was the first time in years you two had seen eachother. You hastily followed his lead, feeling slightly embarrassed that it was obvious how nervous and simply caught off guard you currently were. Your palms (one of which was still holding onto Xaviers hand) were starting to moisten with sweat. These feelings only amplified once Xavier turned around to face you. The intensity that was in his eyes put you on edge - never in your time of dating or knowing him did he ever look so serious with you.

"What are you doing here"? Xavier spoke, his voice was still in a higher pitch, slightly breaking.

"What"?

After years of not being able to see you, in fact; years of you not even knowing where he went - this was how he chose to greet you?? Automatically your blood ran cold with the sudden realization that something was wrong. Seriously wrong.. but the feeling didnt just apply to your ex boyfriend. It was the entire camp.

"Its not safe here, you need to take the kids and leave". Xaviers voice more visibly shook this time as he spoke; as if his words physically pained him.

Your heart skipped a beat, the sudden pain and anguish starting to fully settle in. You couldnt believe it; after years of not seeing you - this was all he had to say? Was he fucking joking?

"What? A-are you kidding? Xavier, I havent seen you in years- I didnt even know you would be here-"

"I'm sorry (y/n). I'm so sorry but you have no idea what this place is like. You just need to go, and the kids. And promise me you wont come back".

It was torturous to watch tears gather in Xaviers eyes, and watch as they streaked down his cheeks. The sadness you previously felt was now washed away with red, hot rage. The feeling spread throughout your body like a wildfire that he was seemingly rejecting you.. but you knew now this wasnt some pathetic excuse. Something was seriously wrong here; and now it was starting to become too obvious to ignore.

Xavier looked hauntingly the exact same from the last time you saw him. He forever, looked as if he was still stuck in the same moment of time - like in the summer of 1984, which was when you last saw him.

You didnt realize you were still holding onto one of his hands until you reflexively tried to move it to brush away his tears that were still staining his cheeks; but awkwardly.. you chose to do so with your other hand. Squeezing the one hand you were still holding onto a bit tighter.

He winced as you touched him, and as much you tried your damn best to hold it together - you could feel tears starting to burn your eyes as well.

"I cant promise I wont ever come back, Xavier. I need to see you again, and what about-" you said softly, about to reference the child you two shared together.

"No, you'll see me again (y/n). I promise.. okay"?

He brought your hand up to his mouth to kiss your knuckles; the tears you trying so desperately to hold in were now sliding down your cheeks. Your breathing was now horribly choppy. You were on the brink of full on sobbing but you held yourself back - it was nearly time for you to go.

The fact you would have to go back to go the others and make up some bullshit excuse to leave, put a bitter taste in your mouth.. but your sure Xavier had a valid reason for ushering you to leave. Even if he didnt want to tell you right now; you trusted him with your life.

"Okay.. Fine. I'm coming back though, and I'm sorry I couldnt find you sooner". You admitted.

You dropped his hand that you were still holding in order to wrap your arms around him. To get one final touch to remember him by. You were desperate to fully touch him and to be wrapped in his embrace, something you had desperately and madly missed. As he held you; you tried to soak in his scent, his aura.. just the fact that he was even here seriously with you, in this moment.

You previously assumed Xavier had passed away; that was easier to come to terms with rather than thinking he willingly ran away or.. that something else more sinister had happened. A part of you wanted to be frustrated that you were leaving with more questions than answers but.. you didnt care. Your heart didnt care. You were just happy you were able to see your boyfriend.. no matter the circumstance or conditions it came with. Even though you were stupidly happy, your thoughts kept annoyingly circling back to the same question - how was Xavier here with you, living.. breathing.. in the flesh. How was this possible? You were about to speak your thoughts outloud when you first felt Xavier break away from you. You didnt get as much as a second glance just when you felt something soft on your cheek. Perhaps a goodbye kiss? and then.. just like he wasnt there at all, he was gone. Almost as if he completly disintegrated into the fresh, morning sky.

You felt your entire body stiffen as you realized he was gone.. again. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly how you felt. It was a nasty mix of both grief and anger that left you completly speechless and deathly still. You took a step back to combat the feeling, and attempted to look casual (and not like the person whom you were just hugging had completly fucking vanished). Sheepishly taking a look at the group you had arrived with and making sure none of them noticed your.. odd behavior.

Sure enough, none of them did. They all stood, and continued on conversing just like they were before you had broke away from them. Smiling and laughing as if nothing was wrong; just like they didnt have a care in the world - just as if the love of their life wasnt ripped away from them for a second time.

Even though Xavier was now gone, that odd, unsettling feeling still lingered with you. Like something was terribly wrong here, in Camp Redwood. The feeling wasn't entirely bad though; sure - the overall air in this place reeked of something terrible but.. now you felt something else mixed into it. A comforting essence of safety; Xaviers presence. You knew he wasnt directly beside you anymore but he was somewhere.. lurking. Watching you, as you begrudgingly walked over to the group you came with. Making up a bullshit excuse in your head so you could escape whatever this place was pretending to be.

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