#sorry im venting i have nowhere else to turn to voice this

[ink-and-radio]

I desperately need the housing market to crash or something to become affordable as soon as possible. I cannot live like this anymore.

[allet-space]

Steven’s Ramblings (Prickly Pair)

(A compilation of everything concerning that Steven says in the entire episode, SPOILERS, plus potential meanings, analysis)

1. “[Cheerfully] These Perenials ALWAYS come back. That one’s Sadie...”

2. “[Cheerfully] I named this one Lars. [Motheringly] You’re stuck in the ground aren’t you? Not gonna zip right into space and leave everyone behind, isn’t that right?“

These two are pretty obvious: Steven doesn’t want them to move on and leave him behind. He wants them all to stay right here, by his side, quiet and rooted to the ground with nowhere to move, like a plant.

Kiiindof a disturbing metaphor if you ask me. Kindof like the diamonds used to treat gems: The Empire never changes, and only responds to their wants and changes and needs.

3. “Sighs. What am I doing? Is this really my thing now? [voice slightly sad and cracked] Plants!? Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl aren’t even impressed. Guess plants aren’t as cool as liberating the galaxy...“

He’s been breaking at the seams the whole time. He wanted to impress the gems, and despite very positive feedback from them (Pearl says its great, amethyst says its cool, they generally support him) he doesnt feel like it’s enough compared to saving the galaxy. He seems to compare everything to what he did to save everyone, and everything pales in comparison.

4. “[Nostalgic] This beach... it never changes. I mean, a lot HAS changed. I’m trying to be cool about it but it feels so weird. [Ranting, worried] Everyone is moving on and, I should be too! I gave up running the school, but now I don’t know what comes next! ...Y’know? It’s probably better I’m not running the school anymore. Who am I to decide what’s best for all those gem students? They’re better off learning from Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. [Getting more worried, cracking voice] I used to be helpful, but the gems don’t need me anymore. [Frustrated] URGH! Why do I need to be needed! ...Stevennn, pull it together!!! [Calmer]....I’m so sorry to dump all of this on you.“

Again, he doesn’t want anything to change, anyone to run off. He exhibits low self-esteem in not seeing himself fit despite spending so much time on it (Snow Day). He still very moch looks up to his gem family.

After having to be their braincell for most of his life, after making them dependant on him in an unhealthy way, now that the dependancy is gone, he feels empty. He’s used to spending all his energy to carving himself out for them, and now he doesn’t know what to do now that they don’t need that anymore.

He gets frustrated at not being their unhealthy neccessity anymore, and then he gets frustrated at himself for being frustrated. In addition to that, he apologizes for venting, regrets it, feels like he never should have let these feelings surface in such a way.

5. “[Cheerfully] Good morning Ronaldo! Good morning Nanafua! And a special good morning t- ugh!”

He’s pretending it’s all fine. Pretending he’s 14 again, running through town greeting everyone he passes. Except these plants will never leave. They wiill grow, but never outside of their designated pots. He can control them, they obey him. Feels a lot like he’s talking to himself, like he would be in his room.

6. “[In response to Cactus Steven, but now alone] What was that? Why’d you say that stuff, huh? (Why’d you say that stuff, huh?) Because I thought I could talk to you! I can’t tell Pearl how I feel, cause she’ll blame herself and spiral out of control and I’ll have to pick up the pieces! And I don’t want any more high and mightly advice from Garnet. [Getting angrier] I just... want to know better for once. [Mockingly] And I’m so sick of Amethyst acting like she’s sooo mature now! (She’s sooo mature now!) Pft, I know, it’s like, get over yourself. Gasps Please don’t repeat any of that. [Places box over Cactus Steven] (Why’d you say all that stuff? Whyyy’d?!) Oh you know why’d!“

LOT to unpack here. One, he doesn’t want to open up to the gems at any cost. ANY cost. He then goes into why he doesn’t want to open up: He feels Pearl is still too dependant on him needing to fix her, and seems to be quite annoyed by the fact that Garnet and Amethyst both have their lives together. Which one is it? Do you want someone dependant, or someone better off?

He wants to know better. Im just going to say, I CALLED IT HE’S QUOTING WHITE DIAMOND ON HER HAVING TO “KNOW BETTER” aaAAAAA

7. “[After closing the door to the diamond base] I can’t let anybody find out about this. (Amethyst: Find out about what?) [Nervous, panicking] D-d, n-nothing! (Are you okay, Steven?) Y-y-yeah! Uhh, um, bep, Whhhy do you ask? (Ummm, well, it just seems you’ve been having a hard time...) [Steven continues to insist he’s fine and says he knows they can help.]“

The gems are there for him, but he has his own, logical reasons on why he can’t talk to them. It’s not just botteling up, it’s because these feelings involve THEM. He doesnt want to talk to them because they’re a part of the “problem”. He has strong, new opinions on them while angry, but is far too afraid to be mean to them. Which is why he chose CS in the first place: A third party unconnected to anything else happening.

8. “[Sitting in the dark, worried] Sighs, now the gems are all worried about me. [Cactus steven yells, kicks his box off] Oh no, Cactus Steven! You’re all messed up! What’s wrong with you? (What’s wrong with you?) [Yelling, Angry] What’s WRONG is that you’re making me look like a FOOL! (Fool!) I wish you wouldn’t talk! (I wish you wouldn’t talk!) [Turns Pink] Urrrrrghh, STOP IT!“

He needs anger management, did I mention that yet? Also that panel of him turning pink with a pitch black background looks... oddly eerie. Very eerie. Don’t like it one bit. Fear. One Fear. Many Fears.

He doesn’t want them to worry while he feedback-spirals his own anger out of control...

9. “[Steven tries to get the gems to leave before they can even say anything. They proceed to see him get beaten by Cactus Steven through the large glass windows.]“

Other than being hilarious, this really, really drives home his dynamic. As well as his later way of “dealing” with his Cactus Clone, the episode is left open. He says he’s said enough, only half a minute after the gems even just got the memo that Cactus Steven was repeating thoughts that Steven had told him. This boy needs to talk.

Things are looking bad, the corruption theory is looking truer by the day, and these episodes are shifing from light-hearted and resolved in Little Homeschool to eerily unresolved and upsetting (in a good way.)

[fume-knight-of-shovelry]

Gency Week 2018, Day 3: Mistletoe

With art to come from the talented @northwindart!

Overwatch, as an organization, did not exactly hold a unified "winter holiday festival”. Not only was the organization made up of a diverse group of people from a wide variety of regions and religions, some of whom did not celebrate December holidays (or, in the case of the residents of the Southern Hemisphere, didn’t even have winter in December), but the widespread structure didn’t make a single gala or party feasible. Add in the around-the-clock nature of most of the organization’s work, and all the ingredients were in place for a half-assed “holiday celebration” where a variety of icons, from Christmas trees to menorahs to Kwanzaa Kinaras and Shinto Kadomatsu decorated the hallways, front doors, walls, floors and ceilings in Overwatch bases around the world.

Genji Shimada, in particular, did not care for these added distractions. He still practiced the Shinto New Year traditions, but as an acting member of Blackwatch he didn’t have the time or reputation to spend on elaborate celebrations. His black-and-red circuitry and exposed chest gave off an aura of brutality that he was happy to exploit to be left alone in his search for solitude and places to focus his rage and frustration. By fermenting these powerful, violent impulses inside himself, he was able to intensify his energy whenever he was next needed in combat. It didn’t make him the best person to be around, but he didn’t care.

Only a few people had been able to get him to relax a bit around them. His fellow Blackwatch agents, for one, especially McCree. Tracer, on occasion, especially when they were finished sparring. He respected Captain Ana Amari, thanks to her maternal concern for her subordinates matching the severity she drilled them with. Winston, thanks to his to-the-point speaking pattern that minimized wasted time. And the medic, Angela Ziegler, also known as “Mercy”. She had been instrumental in saving his life, but that was long ago and no longer informed any part of their dynamic. Outside of that she had treated Genji with patience, respect, and empathy. He did not open up fully to any of them, but he was definitely able to loosen up around some of his fellows.

Which is why he was caught so off-guard when he stumbled into Angela standing stock-still in a doorway in the organization’s Swiss headquarters. Genji was leaving the training ground after slicing up a training dummy on McCree and Ana’s recommendation, and had been looking absentmindedly at the walls when he’d walked into the combat medic. Frowning, he looked up at her, opening his mouth to ask her what was wrong, when he followed her gaze upwards.

Ah. That explained it. Some prankster had set up mistletoe above the doorway leading from the training room: a childish custom whereby any two people who stood underneath it had to kiss. And seeing as he had been the only person in the room for the last hour and that this hallway led nowhere else, and it hadn’t been there when he’d entered...someone was trying to prank him. And Angela as well.

 Well, he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. Genji would have shoved his way past the person blocking the doorway if it hadn’t been Angela. He was wrathful and capable of great violence, but he wasn’t going to take that out on her. “Ziegler. I understand that this is awkward, but perhaps we can just ignore this and move on with our lives? I’m willing to pretend that this did not happen if you are.”

Angela was horrified. The last thing she remembered was Lena asking her to meet her in the training room to “take a look at a funky lil’ thing the accel’rator does when I use it a buncha times”. She should have been suspicious that Lena was asking for her help rather than Winston’s, but when she went to Winston, he’d given her the a-OK to talk to Lena. When she’d found the mistletoe, she’d planned on turning around and walking away, but then she’d heard someone approaching and waited to see who it was. The fact that Genji was the one who had rounded the corner froze her feet to the ground, but she didn’t know why. She could only stare up at the offending plant in shock until Genji spoke to her.

 The medic averted her eyes. What could be the harm? It was a little bit of fun, after all, to play along with the holiday customs.

 “...Ziegler? Are you well?”

 Without thinking, she grabbed Genji by the shoulders and mashed her face into his faceplate. Her lips met the cold metal covering his face, but she swore she could hear his lips pressing against the metal separating them. Genji’s eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t push her away, even as his breathing got heavier beneath his mask and he found himself returning her kiss as best he could against the barrier between them. Mercy’s eyes closed as she deepened the pseudo-kiss, her fingers running over his biceps, on his pectorals, along the back of his neck as he found himself holding her by the small of her back. What was going on?

A hissing sound interrupted them and he realized, with some embarrassment, that he was venting heat, his body reaching a critical temperature as his face grew hot: pore-like openings in his right shoulder unlocked and let loose a blast of cool steam. The sound was enough to break them out of the reverie, and they both pulled away from each other simultaneously. Mercy’s face was beet-red and she was breathing heavily, and he knew he was in the same situation.

 Mercy’s head felt hot and she was slightly dizzy with the surge of emotion that had gone over her. “I...am not sure where that came from.”

 “Nor do I.” Angela decided not to point out that Genji now had a bright red lipstick mark where his mouth was beneath his faceplate. “That was…”

 “Sorry, Genji, I…” He raised a hand.

“That was nice, Ziegler. I…” Genji trailed off, and the two of them stood in an awkward silence, faces hot, cheeks red, chests heaving as they regained their senses. Genji tried not to notice how Angela’s rising and falling chest made her breasts sway slightly, cooped up as they were beneath her tight combat suit.

 “...”

 “...”

 “...I’ll see you around, Genji?”

 “...Yes.” Genji replied, still dumbfounded, as Angela paused for a moment before turning around and walking away. He waited until she’d turned the corner before he started after her. Why did he only now just notice how widely her hips swayed when she walked, how much her pants hugged her thighs, how tightly the back of her suit clung to the outline of her rear?

He needed a break. And a shower. And perhaps some time alone with the memories of what he’d just seen and experienced, and then another shower after that.

Angela, meanwhile, was trying hard not to hop-skip like a schoolgirl down the hallways of her employer’s organization. She had to be professional. But that had been some of the most fun she’d had in a long time. She needed a bath. And a bit of time to think about how Genji’s muscles felt underneath her fingers. And then another bath.

-------------------------------

As the video feed showed Genji and Angela taking different exits from the hallway leading from the training room, chuckles rang out from the observers.

 “Well, I’ll be. That went better than expected. And I know what that awkward lil’ gait means for Genji: last time I saw ‘im move like that, he’d been reminiscing ‘bout the time he got the Prime Minister of Japan’s daughter in bed with him…’longside Miss Korea an’ the heiress to some South African renewable energy megacorp.” McCree nodded sagely, as if this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. “Tracer, I believe ye owe me. Pay up.”

 Tracer pouted, but forked over a stack of bills to the American gunslinger. “S’not fair, y’know. I said they’d snog, for sure, just not that they’d get handsy. No gropin’, even!” The winnowy, flighty operative crossed her arms and frowned.

 “Ahaha! S’yer loss, Tracer. My boy’s got it. Speakin’ o which...hold up.” McCree flipped through the paper, then glared at Tracer. “This’s worthless British pounds! What’re ye doin’, givin’ me currency that’s not worth th’ paper it’s printed on?” Tracer stuck her tongue out at McCree, then laughed again.

 “Sorry, McCree! S’not my fault we’re in Switzerland. Next time yer in the UK, I’m sure you’ll have a doozy of a time…’less you wanna exchange it for francs here for seventy percent of the value, of course!”

 “Cut the chatter, you two.” Captain Amari spoke sharply, wagging a finger at McCree and Tracer, but couldn’t disguise the glee in her voice or the twitch of her tattooed eye that gave away her mirth. “We all did great. Winston, good job on the camera placement. Tracer, well done setting up the mistletoe. McCree, fine work convincing him to work out. I think we’ve given the lovebirds plenty to think about. Maybe keep the cameras off them next time they’re alone together, hm?”

 “Actually, captain, I’m fairly certain that it’ll be quite a bit longer before…” Winston cut himself off when Ana glared at him, nervously drumming his toes on the floor of his Swiss laboratory. “Uh, nevermind. I’m glad that this turned out well, and my camera caught it all. Should we delete the footage?”

 Ana tapped her chin, then shook her head. “No, keep it. Not for nefarious purposes, mind you. But it’ll be fun one day, I’m sure. I can imagine Genji and Angela as an adorable and very saucy couple. Those two need to unwind with each other.”

 McCree’s eyes danced between Winston and Tracer, and he mouthed the words Grandma really wants grandkids, huh? Tracer guffawed, then covered her mouth, while Winston just looked confused.

 “Nothing so crass, Jesse.” He gulped and scooted away from Captain Amari, who winked in his direction.

 “Well, if’n that’s all, I’ll be headin’ to the mess. I’m thinkin’ Genji will want some time alone.”

 “Not without me, cowboy! Race ya to dinner!”

 Tracer gave McCree a whole minute’s head start before leaving herself, but Ana and Winston knew it wouldn’t matter. She’d be there in a few seconds.

 “So...matchmaking success?” Winston eyed the camera feed, considering when he next might be able to discreetly remove the bug he’d planted in the hallway.

 Ana patted Winston on the shoulder and nodded, replaying in her head the passionate kiss that Genji and Angela had shared. “Matchmaking success.”

[j-esbian]

Second First Date

happy holidays to @osobhi​~ it seems like we had each other for the @mlsecretsanta​ exchange! I hope you like this! it’s post-reveal alyabug :3

on ao3

Words: 2.4k

Her parents were hosting a party to celebrate New Year’s Eve, and Alya was bored out of her mind. She was the youngest there; none of her parents’ friends had brought their kids, and Ella and Etta were down for a nap before midnight. Her parents had felt the need to start it six hours before midnight, so everyone could have dinner together, and the party was dragging on forever.

It probably would have been a little more bearable if she could leave and hang out with people she actually knew, but she had nowhere to go. After a while, she resorted to sitting in the corner of the couch, eavesdropping on nearby conversations and texting her friends.

From: Mari <3

How’s the party going??

Babe I’m so boredd are u sure u can’t come over

I wish :(( my parents won’t let me though

FuCk that

Wait bu t

I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind if ladybug crashed the party

HmmMmMmmMMmmm

Lmao

No but they’re dragging me to church

At midnight

Gross????

Why cant u just go in the Morning

B/c apparently?? We’re still open tomorrow??

Double Gross

Its ok I will send u a cyber smooch at midnight

Aww <3

Me too

Ugh gtg

Love you Alya

Ily2 mari

I’ll see if I can come by tomorrow

Gotta get me some sugar u know

Oh my goD

Uhh I mean ur dads pain au chocolat

Like ur cute but

Not everything is about u smh

YEAH OK SURE

;)

“Ooh, are you texting a boy ?” someone near Alya giggled tipsily. She looked up, the smile rapidly evaporating off her face.

“My girlfriend, actually,” she said tersely.

“Oh.” He didn’t seem to know what to say, and went to take a gulp of wine instead. He looked down at the empty glass in his hand, then back at Alya, eyebrows raised. He tipped it towards her with a shamefaced smile and sauntered away in search of a refill.

Alya rolled her eyes. She got up and went into the kitchen, where her mother was preparing a round of hors d'oeuvres.

“Oh, Alya. Can you get me the horseradish out of the fridge?” Marlena asked.

“Yeah.” She grabbed the little glass jar from the refrigerator and, while she was in there, nicked a bottle of the twins’ apple juice. She handed the condiment to her mother and surveyed the plates that were already prepared. “Are any of these ready to go out?”

Marlena looked up. “Hmm. Yeah, the vol-au-vents,” she said, pointing. Alya picked them up and headed back out of the kitchen. “Thank you!” her mother called after her.

Alya, however, didn’t return to the party, but took a detour to her room. She closed the door behind her, resisting the urge to lock it, and shucked off her sweater and shoes. She set an alarm on her cell phone--5 minutes to midnight ought to be enough of a head’s up to rejoin the party in time for champagne.

Then she slouched over to her desk and kicked back in front of her laptop. She could still hear the wine-laced chatter and laughter of the party, and slipped on her headphones. Soon, she was engrossed in her computer, and behind her back the hours melted together. She was only pulled out of it, eventually, by two nearly simultaneous events.

The first was that she suddenly realized she was out of food, and when she looked up to confirm that her empty fingers were indeed only chasing crumbs around the plate, she caught a glimpse of her phone screen lighting up in her peripheral vision.

Alya sighed, and scooted in her chair to grab her phone from the pile of blankets it had nested in. To her surprise, it was now a little over half an hour until midnight.

From: Nono

Hey Alya

Wyd

Playing stardew valley wbu

Chillin

U decent?

Like morally or

Pants

Uh why lol

I mean yea but

U got sth planned?

W h a t

No

Thing

What are you hiding

Nano my man

Ur terrible with secrets

Just come hang out

Ivan’s here

And Alix

Kim’s maybe on his way

Where are u

We’ll come pick you up

Damn thanks

Maybe the real squad goals was the friends we made along the way

Be there in 10

Alya found her shoes and touched up her makeup, humming to herself. She gathered up the remains of her snack and headed to the kitchen. Her mom wasn’t in there anymore, and as she placed her plate in the sink, she heard her parents’ voices in the din of the party.

Her cell phone buzzed with a new text.

From: Alix K.

We’re here!!!

Come otu

im gay

Bitch me too

Come outsid e

Alya ran for her coat, shouting at her parents as she passed through the hallway. “I’m going to hang out with Nino!”

No response. She paused with her hand on the front doorknob and yelled again. “I’m gonna go out with some friends!”

Her mom poked her head around the corner. “Be quiet,” she said in a stage whisper. “The girls are still asleep.”

“Sorry,” Alya muttered. She lifted her hand from the knob and pointed at the door. “I’m going out, though.”

Marlena squinted at her watch in the dim light. “Be back by one,” was all she said. She headed back to the party, and called over her shoulder, “Have fun, sweetie!”

Alya raced down the stairs, and the moment she set foot outside, she was hit by a snowball. She coughed and swiped at her face, trying to see who threw it through the splotches on her glasses.

She heard Alix and Nino laughing, and Ivan said, “Ooh, nice shot.” She finally cleared off her lenses, and saw Ladybug, standing with her friends, and brushing her hands against her legs to hide the evidence of her crime.

“M--Uh, what are you doing here, Ladybug?” Alya asked incredulously.

Ladybug spread her arms wide. “Celebrating!”

Though Alya was bewildered, she couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. “Don’t you have, like, other things to do tonight?”

“Honestly? No,” Ladybug said, shrugging. “I can’t think of anyplace else I’d rather be right now.”

“Hell yeah,” Nino agreed. “Marinette said you were bored at your house, so we got a crew together. Sucks that she couldn’t come, though.”

“Oh, well,” Ladybug smirked. “Guess she’s missing out.”

Alya stifled a laugh, and changed the subject before it burst out. “I thought you said Kim was coming?”

“Nah,” Alix said. “Turns out he and Max are at a LAN party, so, you know, they might never leave.”

“That’s fair, though.” Ivan scratched his nose. “Did, uh, they say where they were?” Alix glared at him. “What?”

“Never mind them!” Alya said cheerfully, linking one arm with him and the other with Ladybug. She turned to Nino. “Where are we off to?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t think that far ahead, honestly.”

They wandered to the end of Alya’s street, looking around. There were people everywhere, and the air around them was full of the sounds of Reveillon in full swing.

“Isn’t your friend’s dad putting on his show at the Eiffel Tower?” Ladybug asked.

Ivan shook his head. “Nah, Mylène’s in Canada visiting family. It’s her dad’s understudy.”

“Still, it could be fun,” Nino said. “Anybody got other ideas?”

They didn’t, so they set off.

Ivan fell back, separating from Alya and falling into step with Alix, and Alya leaned in to Ladybug. “I thought you said you were busy,” she whispered.

Ladybug smirked knowingly. “Come on, Alya, we’re never open on New Year’s.”

“But, then…?”

“I thought we could do something different.” Ladybug leaned into Alya, pressing against her side for a brief second before pulling away again, a coy look slipping onto her face. “You know, something exciting.”

“That sounds just fine to me,” Alya replied.

“Can I just say?” Nino interrupted. “You guys are the worst.”

The others turned around and realized that they had fallen into two lines and Nino, being the odd man out, was left to trail along behind them, alone.

“Aw, c’mere,” Alya said. Nino came up to join her and Ladybug, and she slung her free arm around his shoulder. “There. I got my two favorite people with me.”

“I’m surprised I made the list before Marinette,” Nino commented wryly.

“Your favorite, out of the people here?” Ladybug suggested.

“Okay,” Alix interjected. “That just seems needlessly rude. I mean, we’re right here.”

“Well, shit, man, she’s only got two arms,” Ivan retorted.

“I’m just saying,” Alix grumbled.

“And the sidewalk’s hardly wide enough for five people,” Alya added. “I mean, there’s barely enough space for three of us.”

“I could always carry you if it gets too crowded,” Ladybug suggested.

Alya winked. “Maybe some other time.”

The streets got more congested as they went on, and soon they were forced to walk single-file. Alya led the line, holding tightly onto Ladybug’s hand behind her so they wouldn’t be separated. Alix brought up the rear, but she was tired of trailing behind and jumped onto Ivan’s back instead.

With more people around, Ladybug had expected they would be able to blend in more easily, but just the opposite was true. She kept getting stopped, and people would hand their phone to Alya so they could get a picture. It was infuriating, and after a few blocks they stopped to build Ladybug a disguise.

Alix shed her hat and sweatshirt, while Nino held Ivan’s jacket for him so he could offer Ladybug his flannel.

“It’s definitely too big to fit you,” he said apologetically. “But I figure you can tie it around your waist, because none of us are going to give up our pants.”

Ladybug looked down at her conspicuously crimson legs. “Good call,” she replied, zipping Alix’s hoodie over her suit.

Alya stepped forward and unwrapped her scarf, winding it around Ladybug’s neck. “It’s not much by way of a disguise,” she murmured. “But it really helps pull your whole outfit together, I think.”

Ladybug nuzzled into it. “Mmm. Soft.”

“And you’d better take good care of this,” Alya said sternly. “My girlfriend made it for me, got it?”

“Well, it’s nice.” Ladybug winked. “She’s got great taste.”

Alya crossed her arms and smirked. “Uh, hell yeah , she does.”

“Anyway,” Nino interrupted, glaring pointedly at Alya. “I don’t have anything to give you, because apparently I’m a delinquent. Best I could do is a hat, but you’ve already got that covered, so… We should keep going if we want to get good seats.”

They forged on, although the icy sidewalks and tightly-knit crowds seemed to want to separate them at every opportunity. Alix jumped back up on Ivan’s back, and used her perch to peer over all the people and find a clear path. Ladybug jumped and reached for Alya’s hand when someone spoke, but they weren’t addressing her.

“Hey, kids, it’s cold out. Where are your coats?” a stranger called out.

“Your mom’s house,” Nino and Alix shouted in unison. He reached out behind him, and she high-fived him.

“You know,” Alya whispered to Ladybug, “I think Nino’s upset with us for flirting with each other.”

“What? Why?”

Alya tapped her thumb against the big black spot on the back of Ladybug’s hand. “Gee, I don’t know.”

Ladybug wrinkled her nose. “Oh! Aw. He’s trying to defend my honor.”

“Yeah, and he thinks I’m a slut,” Alya pouted. “Oh, well. I guess I do have a type.”

“Hmm,” Ladybug agreed. “Or, everyone just loves you.” She leaned in to kiss Alya on the cheek.

Alya snickered and danced away, as far as she could without letting go of Ladybug’s hand. “Sorry, Ladybug,” she said, clutching dramatically at her chest with her free hand. “But my heart only belongs to one girl.”

“I, however, am incredibly single,” Alix piped up.

Nino rolled his eyes. “Anyway,” he said loudly, “I’m not sure we can snag enough seats next to each other. We might have to split into a few rows.”

Alya looked up in surprise. “Oh, wow. We’re here.”

“That, my friend, is the beauty of the travel montage,” Nino replied.

The show was in mid-act when they arrived, and was much more than a one-man performance. While the mime was there, and he was center-stage on the ground, the air behind him was full of twisting acrobats, on invisible wires and banners of purple and gold, suspended from the Tower itself.

Ladybug kept Alix’s hoodie and Alya’s scarf, but returned the other pieces of her disguise to their owners. They managed to find a cluster of seats, and Alya and Ladybug were finally--relatively--alone. Ladybug rested her head on Alya’s shoulder and laced their fingers together.

“Hey, Marinette?” Alya whispered after a few minutes. “Don’t you think this is maybe a little… I don’t know, dramatic?”

“I think that’s the point,” Ladybug whispered back, watching the mime wrestle with an acrobat some 10 meters above him.

“No, I mean.” Alya waved her hand, trying to encompass the whole convoluted scheme. “Why was Ladybug out tonight? Why did Marinette pretend to be busy? Why not just come hang out without all the fuss?”

“Honestly?” Ladybug looked up at Alya, wincing slightly. “It’s kind of a publicity stunt.”

“Huh?”

Ladybug was quick to amend her statement. “That is to say, we’re just showing people we’re around even when there’s nothing really going on. Like, you know, we’re people, too.”

“In like a ‘don’t do crime because we’re always watching’ way?” Alya asked.

“More like a ‘friendly neighborhood superhero’ thing,” Ladybug suggested. “Chat’s off somewhere too, probably hanging out with his friends. Anyway, I get to do my civic duty and take you on an awesome first date.”

“I’ve literally lost track of how many dates we’ve had,” Alya said. “But this is definitely not the first.”

“You’ve never been on a date with Ladybug before.”

Alya laughed. “It seems like you’re just splitting hairs.”

“Listen, our real first date was just a study date,” Ladybug countered. “I think it’s natural to want a second shot at that.”

Alya hummed in agreement. “Well, then, this is absolutely an improvement.”

“Yeah?”

As if in confirmation, a spray of fireworks shot out behind the Tower, framing all the performers with a backdrop of red and gold sparks as they launched into their grand finale routine. In the distance, the bells of some unseen church chimed midnight.

“Yeah.” Alya slipped her hand under Ladybug’s chin and rubbed her thumb across her cheek.

Ladybug leaned up to peck Alya on the cheek. “Happy New Year, Alya,” she murmured.

“Happy New Year, Marinette.”

[gaiyofanfiction]

Save me (8)

Chapter 1: Second Time? - Chapter 2: Awake - Chapter 3: First Love - Chapter 4: Mama - Chapter 5: Reflection - Chapter 6: Lie - Chapter 7: Stigma - Chapter 8: Begin - Chapter 9: taken - Chapter 10: Torture - Chapter 11: The Plan

Reader X Jungkook

Mental Hospital AU

Angst/Thriller/Romance

A/N: Hey all! We’re really hoping you guys are liking the story. Sorry it’s been so long since we updated. It’s been pretty crazy. thank you for sticking with us. ALSO, we’re doing a thing. The first person to guess and comment on this post the correlation with the Doctor, the name of the facility and the fact that he’s a villain in our BTS story, one of us will write that person a personalized one shot of their choice! Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction. We did take their personalities and match as best we can with illnesses, however we do not claim that the boys from BTS have these mental illnesses! Also, we did as much research as we can on each disorder. We are not meaning to offend anyone who has these illnesses at all. ALSO, WE DO KNOW BTS CHANGED THEIR ENGLISH NAME TO BEYOND THE SCENE BUT WE’RE USING BULLETPROOF BOYSCOUTS CAUSE IT FITS THE STORY BETTER. Trigger warning: Mentions of mental illness, hospitals, self harm, suicide attempt and abuse. Both Gaisho and I recommend, if you feel like you need to go to the hospital for ANY reason, please don’t be afraid to do so. It can help. If you EVER feel like you need to talk to anyone, vent, or need advice on anything, please do not hesitate to msg us! We’ve been through it all. Character Descriptions so far: Reader- Chronic Depression, Derealization Disorder and Dissociative Amnesia Jin - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (With homicidal tendencies) Suga-Â Narcolepsy and Chronic Depression J-Hope- Bipolar II Disorder Rap Monster- OCD and Paranoia Jimin- Explosive Anger Disorder V-  Schitzoaffective Disorder

Chapter 8: Begin:

        As soon as you make it through the doors of the cafeteria, you notice Jimin sitting in a wheelchair at the table. You, Jungkook and Suga approach the table carefully, as to not startle him. The three of you take the empty seats.

        You turn to Jimin and scan his face. All the passion and love he normally had was gone. He reminded you of what Jin looked like the first time you witnessed the results of an EST treatment.

        “Jimin, how are you?” You hesitantly ask.

        Jimin looks at you, his eyes showing no sign of emotion. “Y/N, there you are. I was worried.” He speaks low, ignoring your question.

        Your eyes widen at his statement. “W-Why were you worried?”

        Jimin struggles to lean forward in his chair. “I heard them. Talking about you.”

        “Jimin, why were they talking about Y/N?” Rap Monster asks, worry laced his voice.

        Jimin’s breathing becomes heavy. “T-They mentioned. Your dreams. And then. EST.” He whispers quietly so only the table can hear.

        The boys look from Jimin to you, confusion passing through their faces. You freeze, eyes open in shock.

        “Y/N, what does he mean about your dreams?” Suga asks curiously.

        You shake your head, feeling an anxiety attack coming on.Pretending not to have a clue what they’re talking about, you say, “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

        Jungkook’s features turn hard and dark. “No, they'll never take Y/N. Not while I'm around.” He growls.

        The boys look at him in shock, never hearing him speak like this. Rap Monster was the first one to recover and smiles at Jungkook, saying, “well will all make sure that no one harms Y/N.”

        You look around at the table of boys, all nodding in agreement. Your eyes start to tear up. “Why would you do something like that for me? You just met me a few days ago?”

        “Why wouldn't we? You're a very attractive girl and a guy like me needs to be surrounded by attractive people.” Jin sends you a flying kiss.

        The rest of the boys rolls their eyes and groan. “What he means is, you're one of us now. You've done so much for us, now we want to help you. You're our family and we always have our families backs.” V sends you a smile.

        'It seems like V is doing okay now. That's good.’ you smile at the boys and bow your head. “Thank you. That means so much.”

        Suddenly Jungkook grabs your arm and stands up. You look at him confused until you see him nod his head towards the other side of the room. You see Dr. Seung Ho Choi talking with three of his nurses. Your eyes widen as fear shoots straight through you.

        Jungkook talks to the boys in a low voice, “I'm taking Y/N back to my room. Please try to keep them occupied til individual therapy, at least then they'll be too busy to do anything.”

        The boys nod in understanding. With that, Jungkook drags you quickly out the door and down the hall to his room. Once you're inside, he closes the door quietly. It's quiet for a few more minutes as he tries to stop his trembling body and heavy breathing.

        You look at him with concern. “Kookie? Are you okay?”

        The boy focuses his attention on you, sending a small smile. “I'm okay. Just trying to calm my anxiety.”

        You nod your head in understanding. “I know how that feeling is. I have anxiety attacks too.”

        Peering over his shoulder to look at you, he is now just realizing he has you in his room and he starts to freak out even more. You walk up to him and have him face you. The both of you blush, but you pull his sleeve to have him sit next to you on the bed. 

        You both sit there awkwardly, but he finally talks, “so I now know at least a little more about you. You get anxiety attacks. Care to elaborate why you're in here?”

        You shake your head and fiddle with your fingers. “I-Im still not ready yet, I'm sorry. I'm worried once I tell you, you'll end up disappearing like the rest.” You mumble that last part under your breathe.

        Jungkook opens his mouth to make a comment but decided against it. “That's okay. I can tell you why I'm here, if you like. Since everyone else has told their stories and I’m the last one.”

        You nod your head motioning for him to continue.

        “Well, the doctors tell me I have something called Agoraphobia.”

        “Agoraphobia? What is that? I've heard of it.”

        Jungkook scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “The best way I can describe it is the fear of everything. At least that's how it feels. Well to be exact, it's the fear of being in a situation with nowhere to escape. It's a severe anxiety disorder.”

        “Oh I see.” You tilt your head in curiosity. “How would that end you up in here though?”

        Jungkook sighs and fiddle with his bed sheets. “Well, it's kind of an embarrassing story, really.”

        You scoff, making him raise an eyebrow. “I bet you it's not as embarrassing as mine.” You mumble.

        He looks at you with amusement, but continues. “All throughout my childhood, I was a pretty sheltered child. And when I say sheltered, I mean I literally never went anywhere. I was home schooled up until high school, so I didn't have any friends and I didn't do any school clubs. My parents wanted me to focus on my studies, so when I got into highschool, I would be top of my class. The fifteen year old me who didn’t have anything. The world was so big, I was so small.”

        Jungkook’s face twists in pain at the memories. “They didn't expect their plan to backfire. The first day of highschool was the first time I was social in any form of the word. I didn't expect there to be so many people, so much noise, so close in contact to me. I freaked out. I ended up running into the forest preserve next to the school to hide until my parents came to pick me up.”

        His body starts to shake. You can tell he was struggling to tell you his past. Empathetic as you were, you intertwine your hand with his and with the other hand you lightly cup his cheek. “It’s okay. I’m right here… Keep going.” 

        “My parents found out I skipped my first day and they told me if it happened again, I'd be grounded. Well, they didn't really need to worry about that. I wouldn't leave my room after that day. Every time I would try, I started hyperventilating and my body would shake. I'd end up right back in my room with the door locked. They would ask what's wrong and I told them I wasn't feeling good.They would get my school work and bring it home so I would do it in my room. But that excuse didn't last.”

        Jungkook was choking on his words. He took your hand and pressed the back of it against his cheek. Your heart breaks for him. “Listen, Kookie, you don’t have to tell me, you can -”

        “One day my father dragged me out from my room and took me to school. He said that if I run again, then I could never come back home. I tried my best, I swear I did. But, I just couldn’t take it. I fell into a squat and covered my head yelling for my ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’. It was so embarrassing and traumatizing. I became a laughing stalk and my parents shunned me… So, they brought me here. Never seen them since. Not one visit.”

        You tilt your head. “How long have you been here exactly?”

        Jungkook lightly rubs his thumb along the back of your hand. “I was the last one to arrive out of the bangtan boys. I’ve been here for about a year.”

        You look at him in shock. “A year?! Oh my god, that means they’ve been here for more than a year!”

        Jungkook nods. “I was so nervous to be in here, I didn’t know if I would make it. But meeting the Hyungs really helped me. They’ve done so much for me that I feel like I could never fully repay them. I would do anything for them. When I found out about them going in for EST, it broke my heart. I feel like I’m going to die when hyung is sad. When hyung is in pain, it hurts more than when I’m in pain.“

        You look at him with a thoughtful look. “Kookie, have you ever had to go for EST?”

        He swallows the lump in his throat and nods. “We all have. Some more than others. Usually Jin, Jimin and V go the most because of their conditions. But we’ve all been at least twice.”

        You look down at your hand intertwined with his. ‘The fact that they have to go at all is sick. This place is terrible. The faster we can get out, the better.’

        The two of you were quiet for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company. Suddenly you have a thought. Before you can really think it through, you blurt it out quickly.

        “Kookiepleasegooutwithme!”

        Jungkook looks at you wide eyed. “I-I’m sorry, what?”

        You swallow the lump in your throat and speak a little slower, “w-will you go out with me? I know we’re stuck in here but i mean after. Please, go out with me after.”

        Jungkook just stares at you for a moment before a wide bunny-like smile appears on his face. “Y-yes! Of course I would love to go out with you!”

        You smile back at him and squeeze his hand. “You know, you look like a cute little bunny when you smile like that.”

        He chuckles. “So I’ve been told.” He wiggles his nose, making you giggle.

        Suddenly he takes your hand and places it on his chest. “You feel that? You make me feel alive! I don’t ever want you to leave.” 

        Your heart soars at the thought of making him feel that way. “Jungkook, c-can I-”

        Before you can finish your sentence, the door to his room flies open to reveal three nurses, one female, two male. Jungkook and you quickly stand up, taking a step back away from them. Jungkook puts an arm in front of you instinctively.

        The female nurse takes a step towards you with a cold look on her face, grabbing your arm. “Y/N, if you’ll please come with us.”

        You try to pull away, absolutely terrified. “W-Why? What’s going on?”

        One of the male nurses comes and grabs your other arm, roughly pulling you to him, making sure you can’t get away.

        “W-Wait, where are you going? Why are you taking Y/N?” Jungkook reaches out for your hand but the other male nurse grabs him, pulling him away from you.

        The female nurse sends Jungkook a strained smile. “It’ll be okay. Y/N is just going in for a short treatment because of an incident that happened this morning.”

        Fear flashes through Jungkook’s face as he realizes what’s going on. “W-Wait! No, you can’t take her!” He struggles more, reaching out for your hand. You try to grab it but you’re being pulled back. 

        “Now, Jungkook, dear. You know what happens when you start to act out.” The nurse warns. He ignores her entirely.

        “No! Please don’t take her! She’s the only one that doesn’t trigger my phobia! PLEASE! NO, DON’T TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME!” Jungkook starts yelling and putting up more of a struggle to get to you.

        The nurse raises an eyebrow and mumbles something to the nurse that’s holding you. Your eyes widen as you hear what he whispers. Suddenly you stop struggling and smile at Jungkook.

        “Kookie, stop.”

         He pauses his struggling to look at you, wide eyed. “Y-Y/N…”

        “Please, I don’t want them to take you too. I’ll be okay, I promise.” You turn to the nurses, who look at you in surprise. “I’ll go quietly, as long as you leave Jungkook here.”

        The female nurse thinks this over before nodding and guiding you out the door. You take one last look at Jungkook, who looks like he’s just had his heart ripped out. You send him a small nervous smile before disappearing around the corner.

        The male nurse lets go of Jungkook after he decides he won’t run after you and leaves him in his room. Jungkook stands there as tears run down his cheeks. ‘No! They took her! W-Where’s everyone?’ Jungkook stumbles out of his room after a few minutes to search for his Hyungs. He finds them all in the game room, just sitting around.

       Rap Monster looks up. “Oh, hey, Jung-” His sentence and smile fades as he sees the state that Jungkook is in. “Jungkook, what’s wrong?”

        The rest of the boys turn their attention on Jungkook, waiting for an answer. Jungkook tries to calm his breathing but failed to do so.

        “T-They took her from me. They took Y/N for EST!” His body movements become random and breathing becomes heavy as his panic attack increases.

        J-hope stands up and tries to get Jungkook to sit down. “Kookie, please try to relax.”

        Jungkook shakes his head, his whole body trembling. “I-I c-can’t. They took her. Right in front of me. They took the one person who didn’t trigger my phobia. The one person who didn’t deserve it.”

        V and Jimin look at each other, tears welling up in their eyes. Suga, Rap Monster and Jin all glance at each other in worry.

        “Kookie, she’s strong. She’ll get through this and she’ll be out soon.” J-hope tries to sooth Jungkook by rubbing his back.

        Time passed. It was time for individual therapy and you still weren’t back yet. One by one the patients go in to have their sessions, but the boys’ minds were elsewhere. After the sessions, they all sit at their usual table in the game room. Suddenly, the door opened. They all glance at the door to see the female nurse roll you to the table in a wheelchair and disappear.

        All the boys look up at you to make sure you’re okay. All they saw was a dead look on your face.

        Jungkook slowly walks up to you, as to not startle you. “Y/N? A-Are you okay?"

        Your eyes start to focus more at hearing a male voice. You look up at the boy in front of you. “W-Who are you?”

[Masterlist]

[daehwifi]

Idiot - Seongwoo Au

- Admin Xion <3

genre: fluff but very minimal angst member: ong seongwoo word count: 7794 requested: yes side notes: lots of swearing near the end but its not that much at the same time

requested by: anon

HI can i request an Seongwoo scenario where you’re a very lively person and strong on the outside or when you’re infront of other people but when you’re on your own you break down and cry something like that and seongwoo finds out? Can i have an angst and fluff one please? THANK YOU

- hi im sick so uh - sorry if this is trash just like me hah - anyways - "y/n!" your best friend, hyuju called out - she ran up to you as she took heavy breaths once caught up - "come with me! i have something to show you," she excitedly said as she took your hand and began dragging you - you were dragged into the outdoor cafeteria as she pushed through the crowd, still dragging you - you saw a fellow mutual, kyuji, on the table arm wrestling someone else for fun - despite it was for fun, kyuji was dominating and giving it everything she got, winning the arm wrestle - as your eyes wandered around, you saw seongwoo standing on the opposite side from you - seongwoo and you are practically good friends - he’d call you idiot often - cause he found it cute every time you messed up or was flustered - you guys lived beside each other and could see each other from your room windows - this mainly began when seongwoo accidentally mistaken your house for jihoon's - but it slowly became a routine - after kyuji won the battle, everyone began chanting your name to go up next - deep down, you sorta didn't want to do it - but everyone just kept on pushing you closer - and suddenly you found yourself sitting across from her and having to place your arm out - you softly chuckled as kyuji smiled warmly and wished you luck before the battle begun - despite giving it your all, you lost in the end as your arm started to ache - you forced a smile and acted like you weren't in pain as you softly held it a bit, trying to make it look natural - time skip woosh woosh - you were walking around in the hallways as you overcame a group whispering your name - this group was a so-called group you thought who were your friends - i repeat - thought - past tense - "y/n sorta looks like a slut not gonna lie-" the people in front of them all made aggressive eye contact as hyura turned around - "oh my god, imsosorry-" hyura blurted - the words hit heavy likes knives but you faked a smile - "nono, issokay. i sorta agree too so," you replied as you walked away smiling to hide the pain - hyura always talked bad about people - she made peoples lives hell - and acted fake and all nice - you hated her - but never spoke up because you always thought she could change - it seemed like your arm ached as just as much as your stomach but you chose to ignore it like always - your next class begun - in which was gym - gym class started as usual as you were assigned to do some weightlifting - you attempted to lift up the 7 pound weight with your right arm but it began to sting and hurt so much to the point where you were on the verge of tears - you passed the weight over to your left arm and just begin lifting it with only your left - but you couldn't focus on anything due to how much your right arm was hurting - "hey y/n, can you help with carrying all the textbooks in mrs.joons class over to the library?" your gym teacher asked - and despite you wanted to say no due to the amount of pain in your arm - you agreed - as you carried the textbooks down the hallway in which seemed to be too long - you winced due to the pain but decided not to show it - coming out of a class, seongwoo left the chemistry lab as he had a hall pass in his hand - "need help?" he asks with a small grin - "nah, itsokay," you blurted without thinking twice - he silently followed you a bit as he noticed your facial expression you tried so hard to hide - without a word to be said, seongwoo stepped in front of you as he bluntly took majority of the textbooks out of your arms and carried them - "seongw-" - "shhh, where are you bringing this too?" - "...the library," you replied softly - you were quite thankful for his help - but felt bad although you were annoying him or being bothered some - yes- a lot of the pain had eased up a bit - but you felt guilty inside - "you know, you don't have to do that," you spoke as you both entered the library - "it's a gentlemen's job to help a damsel in distress," seongwoo spoke with a small grin as you chuckled - you both placed it onto the tables where you return books - you softly thanked seongwoo as he chuckled and patted your head - "idiot," he spoke - "don't carry a shit ton of books if your arm is hurting," seongwoo spoke as you gawked your eyes a bit - seongwoo grinned - "seriously, go to the infirmary or something," he said as you stared onto the floor - you nodded as he walked off and you puffed your cheeks up - time skip woosh - you were at home as your arm still ached - you forgot to stop by the nurses room due to all the work that piled over you - your noise was suddenly stuffy - passing your parents who were both in the kitchen and going into your room, you closed the door, making sure it was fully shut - dashing into your bed you laid there silently as the feeling of sadness overflown you like a ocean causing a tsunami - you slowly closed your eyes staring at the ceiling as a tear dropped from your eye - you held onto your arm in which burned like crazy and hurt so much - the comment of you being a slut hit harder than expected as more tears formed for some reason you didnt want to admit - 'god you're such weakling,' you said to yourself quietly - slightly chuckling, you sat on your bed as you wiped away your tears - you sighed as you noticed your window curtains are open - you walked over as you closed them - thankfully seongwoo wasn't in his room to see that - or was he ..? hEHE - also im imagining seognwoo in his get ugly outfit throughout this whole scenario. so i dunno if that helps but yeah - time skip woosh - you were entering the school when suddenly - someone took your hand and swung you backwards as you saw seongwoo standing there bluntly - "idiot," he says - you tilt your head in confusion - he sighs as he walks away - you felt sorta sad ?¿ but you shock it off easily as you fully entered the school - school continued as you carried out your normal routine - sorta made small talk with jihoon - but it was just mainly about the math homework you both got since jihoon was in your math class - as you walked down the hallway - that same group of people whispered your name again - "y/n is a-" - but suddenly, out of the nowhere seongwoo approaches - "wow hyura is such a bitch who had such a low life and acts fake since she cant live up to her shit talk because she's too scared to start start when shes the definition of it," seongwoo attacked as he folded his arms - everyone had their attention on him - they were all shocked - hyura, (the girl who called you a slut and apologized) was speechless - "and don't fucking apologize if you're just gonna talk more shit because we all see what you post of your snapchat stories and how much you love to make people's life a hell," seongwoo added on - "seongwoo-" you tried to speak up - "apologize to y/n. and not just y/n- but everyone's lives you made an actual living hell," seongwoo attacked as hyura's eyes began to shyly scatter around the hallway, noticing how much people are whispering and talking - hyura began to laugh as she rolled her eyes and walked away - you wanted to punch her but you didnt - seongwoo chuckled loud enough for her to hear - "pathetic," seongwoo yelled - you then approached seongwoo as he turned around - "t-that was a bit much," you spoke shyly - "she deserved it. you don't deserve to cry silently to yourself you idiot," seongwoo spoke as a small grin formed on his face - you looked at him in the eye as you began to feel flustered - "yOU SAW?" you raised your voice - he chuckled softly as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders - you could feel your heart almost bursting - "stop hiding pain, itsokay if you need to vent or say no you idiot," seongwoo spoke with a small smile

[challengewriterssoul]

Story 4

Prompt:  “The murders, the fighting, everything that I remember. Is it real?” “No. We installed false memories in you. It was the only way we could ensure your compliance.”

“Zara, it’s time for breakfast,” I heard.

“I’m coming, dad,” I responded.

I grabbed my bookbag and I walked out of my bedroom and down the hall. I could hear the loud music coming from Axel’s room. I knocked on his door.

“What,” I heard as the music was turned down.

“Breakfast, Axe,” I said.

“I’ll be down in a bit,” he called.

I just nodded and continued on my way. I walked down the stairs and I could hear the giggling of my little sisters and brothers. I dropped my book bag by the front door and I walked into the kitchen. I saw my dad entertaining my sisters and brothers with his poor excuse of pancake art. I saw mom rushing hurriedly around the kitchen, gathering her things so that she could rush out the door to get to work. I smiled at her frantic running.

As I sat down at the kitchen island next to Jane, Max, Melody, and Ben, mom kissed dad and then proceeded to kiss all of us on the way out the door of the kitchen.

“MOM,” I heard Axel squeal loudly.

“See you tonight,” she called as we heard the door close.

I turned to look at dad and he had a dopey, lovey, mushy face. I knew that he loved mom very much, but I didn’t need to see it all of the time. I cleared my throat and he looked at me and grinned.

“Good morning, rosebud,” he said, “Could I interest you in some scrambled eggs and bacon?”

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 6:30 am. Axe and I had to be at school by 7:30 and it only takes Axe ten minutes to get there, but I knew he wanted to see his bandmates and his girlfriend, so I replied, “I’ll take two bacon sandwiches and an apple. I have to make sure that I am ready when Axe is so he doesn’t leave me behind.”

Dad just nodded and made my order and I made my lunch.

“Axel what would you like,” Dad asked.

“Same as Z, please,” Axe replied.

Dad handed me my bagged sandwiches and Axe’s sandwiches and I kissed him on the cheek.

“Love you, dad,” I whispered in his ear.

Then I walked over to Axe and said, “We’re ready to go.”

He stood and then said, “Later.”

“Have a good day you two,” dad called out as we walked to the front door.

___

When we got to school I gave Axe his breakfast and then I left him. He didn’t say anything to me, as per usual. He, being a senior, didn’t want anything to do with his sister who is a lowly freshman. I rolled my eyes as he headed towards the group that was sitting on the raised flower bed right in front of the school. I followed a pace and a half behind Axe. He had told me my first day of high school that I wouldn’t associate with him during the day and that even though his friends knew me I wasn’t allowed to say anything to them.  

“Do you have to drive the robo-sis,” one of his friends asked.

I just ignored them.

“Unfortunately. If I don’t the rents get shirty with me,” Axe confirmed.

“She is such a drag. I don’t get how such a lame person could be your sister,” Axe’s girlfriend said in her high pitched baby voice. (Think Kristen Chenoweth)

“She isn’t even pretty,” said another of Axe’s friends.

I hated his friends. I kept walking to the front door. I was low-key livid. My own brother wasn’t even sticking up for me. But I kept my face quite blank as I made it to the door.

“Yeah, she is so fat. No one would ever want her,” Axe’s girlfriend stated as if it were fact.

I went inside and I kept going to my favorite spot in the school. I was in one of the old lecture halls. It was one of the halls that are no longer in use due to it not having enough room for people. It was a room that was almost never used. I sat in one of the plush red velveteen seats and as I ate my breakfast I cried. I hated my brother sometimes. I couldn’t understand what his problem was. But I knew that if I narc’ed on him, that he would make my life a living hell. As I finished my breakfast, I pulled out my sketchbook and I began to sketch. I lost myself in the sketching.

“There you are Z,” I heard.

I looked up and I saw my friend Cooper coming into the hall. I smiled. I was glad to see him and secretly in love with Cooper. He was tall, big; line-backer big – muscles, red hair; fashionably mussed, and big green eyes looking at me. He, of course, was carrying his book bag, gym bag, and his lacrosse stick. He dropped most of that at the door to the hall and headed in my direction.

“Morning, Coop. How are you,” I asked as he sat down next to me.

He just sat looking at me. I knew that he was reading me in the only way a best friend/secret crush can.

“I’m ok, but who made you cry this morning. No don’t tell me, I have three guesses and the first two don’t count,” he replied.

I looked away and sighed.

“Axel is a dick and his friends and harpy of a girlfriend are just as bad, if not worse. I hope you don’t believe anything they say,” Cooper raged.

He put his hand on my shoulder and turned me back to look at him.

“Z, you are an amazing girl. You are so wonderful that you are way above them. Don’t let anyone make you feel less,” he exclaimed looking into my eyes.

My heart fluttered and I felt like if I wasn’t careful I would spill just how much I really liked Coop. I smiled at him. Then we started chatting. He was telling me about his lacrosse practice and not that I really understood the rules and what he meant by the plays, but I did appreciate that we were talking about normal things.

“You know, you are my real best friend. You are so strong,” Cooper said randomly.

“Where did that come from,” I questioned.

“Well, unfortunately, some of my teammates have seen us hanging out together and were really speaking badly about you and I fought with a couple of the guys,” He complained.

I felt my internal emotions and my inner voice begin the degrading comments and emotions.

“You shouldn’t get into fights over me. We can hang out in secret like we are to…” I started.

“WHAT?! NO?! I will not let those assholes pull us apart. You are my girl! You are the one that will let me vent about stuff. You are the most beautiful girl inside and out at this school. I will not let them ruin what we have. You are my rock! So us being on the D.L. is not going to happen, ever,” He hollered.

I put my hands up in surrender. Internally I was still doubting, but there was this naggy part of me that hoped that something might come of this that I would really like. But Coop wasn’t like that.

“Okay, whatever you say. Just don’t fight anymore,” I consoled.

Just as he was about to respond the bell rang and we had to get to class.

___

It was lunch time and I was headed to the lecture hall, my favorite quite place at school. I entered the hall and I began to read a book and eat my lunch. I stayed in the hall for my entire lunch. It had been so peaceful. I didn’t have to worry about anyone making fun of me or staring at me.

As I was headed back to the Art studio, I heard screaming and saw students running. I heard gunshots. I blanked and froze. Then I saw the students with guns. I turned and headed to the nearest room, which unfortunately for me was my empty lecture hall. I felt my cell phone in my pocket vibrate. I knew that I had to get to safety before I answered it. But as I was turning the corner to get to the lecture hall, I saw two other students with handguns. I had no-where to go. There weren’t many rooms in my end of the hallway, because of the lunchroom and kitchens. So I hurried back into the lunchroom and I quietly snuck into the kitchens and I hid. I could hear the dishwashers going and water running. I didn’t hear anyone speaking. I took out my phone, dimmed the screen so it wasn’t full brightness, and I looked at my alerts.

There was a text message from the building principal telling us that we needed to remain in lockdown because of four gunmen. He also said that the police had been contacted and parents had been contacted as well.

There was a text from my mom and dad. They were both asking me if I was all right. I knew that I couldn’t call them, so I sent them a text back.

There was a text from Coop.

-Are you safe? Where r u??

I texted back: Im in the cafeteria kitchen.

A quick response returned to me: -WHAT?! There aren’t any locks on the doors to the kitchens. Please tell me that you are at least hiding in a closet or a cooler.

I texted back: No time. Both sets of gunmen were headed this way. I was cornered…nowhere else to go. I don’t know where the coolers/closets are, so I have to be very quiet and I am hiding.

The PA system crackled to life. I could hear some screams and gunshots over the PA. I could feel myself pale.

Then I heard a voice, “Good afternoon Deville High. Excuse the interruption. Would someone send Zara McMahon to the office? She has an early dismissal.”

I saw the Lunch ladies looking at me. I was wide-eyed.

Then another took over, “If you send her down we will allow the rest of the school to go free. We just want her.”

My phone vibrated with two text messages. The first one was from a number I didn’t recognize and it said: If you don’t come down to the office, we will have to go in search of you and kill anyone who is hiding you. Do you want blood on your hands? Because that is what will happen. I promise that we will find your friend Cooper Grayson first. Give yourself up.

The second text was from Cooper: Don’t you dare move! I will never forgive you!

I texted back: They said they would come for you and kill anyone who hinders them. I can’t let that happen. I’m sorry. I have to do it. The lunch ladies are still here and they don’t deserve to die because I was too cowardly to face these jerks.

A response came to me quickly: Zara, please. I beg of you. Don’t do this.

I answered: Should I survive this, I have something to tell you. I’ll see you later, Coop.

I sent off my last text and I turned off my phone. I took a breath and I looked at the lunch ladies. Then I stood up, put my phone in my back pocket of my jeans. Then I began to head for the door of the cafeteria. I felt like I was in one of those pivotal movie moments. When the protagonist is walking to confront the antagonist and the dramatic music is playing in the background. Although this was much too real for me and there was no soundtrack for me to walk to.

As I walked up the hallway towards the office, I could hear muffled yelling. I heard several gunshots. I felt upset. I hated that these terrorists were taking out people in the office. I hurried up my steps and as I got closer to the office I felt all of my fear melt away. I knew that I had to delay these monsters so that the police could get here and take care of them. I turned down the main hallway and I saw the doors to the main office. My heart was thundering beneath my breastbone. Each step I took felt like I was walking through molasses. Time felt like it was slowing to a snail’s pace.

I entered and I saw the four gunmen and I saw a fifth just sitting in the principal’s chair like he was the king of the school.

“Well, well, well, look who is here boys. The fat girl has become brave,” one of the gunmen said laughing.

“Oh dear. Well, it looks like we can’t shoot her boyfriend,” another gunman said sarcastically sad.

“Boys,” the terrorist in the chair said, “Get on with it.”

I recognized that voice. I heard that voice every day.

“Axel?! What,” I said shocked.

But before I could finish my question, I heard a gun go off, and I felt a pain in my left knee. I fell to the floor in pain.

“Awwww robo-sis has figured us out. I guess we are gonna finally get rid of her,” gloated one of the gunmen who turned out to be my brother’s cronies.

“Let them listen,” Axel said.

I looked at him and I felt betrayed. I wanted to scream at him and tell him that he was a fool. What was his issue? But I couldn’t I was too enveloped in my pain that I couldn’t deal.

I heard the PA system click on.

“So guess who showed up to the office. That’s right. It’s your girl Zara McMahon. She decided to save you all with giving up her life. So Zara, tell them your last words,” one of Axel’s friends said as one of the other friends dragged me over to where the PA handheld mic was.

“Speak, ugly,” the friend said as he hit me in the head with the mic.

“Please,” I gasped in pain.

“Please what,” that friend grinned while saying, “Oh I love it when you beg. It gets me so hard. Beg some more.”

Internally I was disgusted with his ugly words. I was hit again and I groaned in pain.

“I’m waiting,” he demanded.

I was still trying to catch my breath. I looked around the office through hazy vision and saw that the secretaries and councilors were dead and the principal was knocked out. I heard the gun go off and I screamed as it ripped through my right shoulder. I could feel my vision begin to blur more.

“Nope, you aren’t allowed to pass out yet,” he said as he slapped my face, “Get me the alcohol and pour it on her wounds. That will wake her up.”

A few minutes felt like an eternity but then my whole body felt like it was lit on fire. I screamed. I couldn’t hold it back.

“There she is,” he grinned and said.

“Enough Dev,” I heard Axel state, “Finish it. We’re going to have company shortly.”

I didn’t see the response but I did feel my hair get pulled so I wasn’t slumped over and the mic was shoved into my face.

“Last words,” Dev said.

I took a breath and looked right in Axel’s eyes and said, “Axel McMahon, Devon Newton, Rafe Ainsley, Jaxon Willis, and Chase Tobin. I’m sorry. I love you.”

I was promptly thrown to the floor and I felt the rain of bullets hit my body. My hearing muffled and it was hard to breathe. Dying wasn’t easy. I was gasping for breath and choking on my own blood. Finally, my vision blacked and I felt all of the tension leave my body.

___

I heard beeping. Steady beeping. I wiggled my fingers and felt something on my pointer finger. I opened my eyes slowly and I felt a nose cannula wrapped around my head feeding me oxygen. I saw that I was in a hospital bed. I tried to pick up my hand and found that I was shackled to the bed. I heard the door open and I saw two armed men, a nurse, and a doctor.

“Welcome back Miss Erye,” the doctor said.

“That’s not my name,” I croaked out in a lower octave voice.

I was shocked at just how low and sexy my voice was sounding. It was probably from being unconscious.

“You might be feeling a bit confused. Your name is Lillith Erye, Mistress of Death. Or at least that is what our files say you are called,” the doctor informed me.

“No, my name is Zara McMahon. I was in a school shooting. I was shot several times. The school was Deville High,” I said slightly panicked.

“I’m sorry Miss Erye, but you are in a black facility after Dark Warden stopped your dastardly plan and captured you. We put you into a simulation to rehab you,” the doctor stated.

“The murders, the fighting, everything that I remember. Was it real,” I asked devastated.

“No. We installed false memories in you. It was the only way we could ensure your compliance,” the doctor replied.

I turned my head away and cried.

[joshuezalasarpoems-blog]

Addiction

Who could of made this prediction, that I would end up chasing my addiction, I try to clean up but when I'm high blame everyone else for ending up in a rutt 3 days of no sleep 1 day of counting sheep wake up! where is my stash oh shit! Did I accidentally throw it in the trash ? Man, I wish I wasn't addicted to glass, I try to hold on to the quote "this too shall pass" But everyday the chains grip my life even more I'm starting to do things I would never do sober Like should I sell myself and be a whore I mean it's not like it hasn't been done before I've laid down on worst and dirtier floors Ok I'll do it but first I need a hit get my lighter my pipe and my shit Just so I can get passed my guilt and make numb Say what you want I don't care if it's dumb It wasn't so hard having to kneel extra cash aside from the shit that I steal It's just for now til life throws me a line Meanwhile This will be my hustle, my midnight grind 1 year passes by still on my grind, I ain't gonna lie Yea I want out I feel my soul inside scream and shout "This too shall pass?" Man, I'm beggining to have my doubts hey  don't feel sorry for me now I"m begining to enjoy being apart of this Crowed but still I cry when there is no one around walking alone in darkens and hope nowhere to be found 2 years now I've been sleeping in the streets People I burned wont let me take shelter from the afternoon heat I find it harder now to keep clean and even find a place to sleep Desperate times turn me into a person of deceit Everyone that know me has accepted that I will never see what they once thought I could do or the person I could have grown to be Man I wash they still cared but now all they do is stare everyone is no longer willing to share I hope they know that I realize that my actions towards them wasn't fair somewhere inside me lies the love I have for them they wont speak to me anymore so I vent with this paper and Pen Im sorry I got lost inside and out it's ok to give up on me because I am gonna stick to this route Hold on to the memory of me tou had long ago Please forgive me for choosing this addiction but I just couldn't let it go.... I"m sorry and god bless you all I no longer can stall tall consider me as good as dead let me go so that u no longer have nothing to dread.. if you see me, ust turn your head for if you still care my presence will surely break your heart if you hear my voice in the distace quickly be on guard and if we cross paths where we have to speak please walk away swiftly for your seeing you guys will make me weak.. ignore me just let me be give up that and realize I will never see... written by Joshue Zalasar  

[joshuezalasarpoems-blog]

Addiction

Who could of made this prediction, that I would end up chasing my addiction, I try to clean up but when I'm high blame everyone else for ending up in a rutt 3 days of no sleep 1 day of counting sheep wake up! where is my stash oh shit! Did I accidentally throw it in the trash ? Man, I wish I wasn't addicted to glass, I try to hold on to the quote "this too shall pass" But everyday the chains grip my life even more I'm starting to do things I would never do sober Like should I sell myself and be a whore I mean it's not like it hasn't been done before I've laid down on worst and dirtier floors Ok I'll do it but first I need a hit get my lighter my pipe and my shit Just so I can get passed my guilt and make numb Say what you want I don't care if it's dumb It wasn't so hard having to kneel extra cash aside from the shit that I steal It's just for now til life throws me a line Meanwhile This will be my hustle, my midnight grind 1 year passes by still on my grind, I ain't gonna lie Yea I want out I feel my soul inside scream and shout "This too shall pass?" Man, I'm beggining to have my doubts hey  don't feel sorry for me now I"m begining to enjoy being apart of this Crowed but still I cry when there is no one around walking alone in darkens and hope nowhere to be found 2 years now I've been sleeping in the streets People I burned wont let me take shelter from the afternoon heat I find it harder now to keep clean and even find a place to sleep Desperate times turn me into a person of deceit Everyone that know me has accepted that I will never see what they once thought I could do or the person I could have grown to be Man I wash they still cared but now all they do is stare everyone is no longer willing to share I hope they know that I realize that my actions towards them wasn't fair somewhere inside me lies the love I have for them they wont speak to me anymore so I vent with this paper and Pen Im sorry I got lost inside and out it's ok to give up on me because I am gonna stick to this route Hold on to the memory of me tou had long ago Please forgive me for choosing this addiction but I just couldn't let it go.... I"m sorry and god bless you all I no longer can stall tall consider me as good as dead let me go so that u no longer have nothing to dread.. if you see me, ust turn your head for if you still care my presence will surely break your heart if you hear my voice in the distace quickly be on guard and if we cross paths where we have to speak please walk away swiftly for your seeing you guys will make me weak.. ignore me just let me be give up that and realize I will never see... written by Joshue Zalasar