#sorry ik i said id stop complaining but like

[neonsbian]

what if this wayv cb is worse bc sm took out a chunk of wayvs budget for dozen

[lady-ika]

long vent sorry ik it's bed oclock but

my sister is moving out tomorrow to college while im at work.

and it's nice to know that she's going

i wont be so vain as to say that i raised her but it sure is . a feeling that she's finally out

i say this fully aware that this is the last night we'll spend in this house as we are, i would almost say as children but im 26. but it's the feeling of her taking a step away from being a child

im likely only thinking this way bc im watching little women bc i needed something comforting but perhaps this was not the best idea. but of course im only writing and sitting in a vc and not spending the time with my siblings

ive never really been a good sister to her i suppose. my brother has been a better sibling than i have in the past several years.

but still i have this strange notion that my siblings have managed to keep growing up and i've ended up stuck in some bullshit faux childhood because i can't face reality and can't manage on my own.

both of my siblings have moved out and i've never tried and i feel like such a child, such a failure, because i can't stomach dealing with stress.

of course no one would want to be with someone like me. the type of person im hoping for wouldnt give me the light of day

because they'd see my siblings and wonder how they had such a failure for an eldest sister

i wont be vain and say that i did anything for them other than torment them. it was the only way i knew how to act with them because now that theyre both adults, i dont know how to process it because i still feel like a ten year old

all i do is complain and lose my temper and be uselss and sit in my room of course no one wants to hear these things because people have actual problems

i always said id stay at home for my sister to protect her from our parents but i knew that was a lie for myself and others because frankly i was too afraid to do anything else

it's bittersweet knowing that i will not see my sister regularly probably from now on

im glad shes out

now if only i could just stop existing in everyones' minds so i can finish being here

and ofc i turn my sisters happy milestone into a vent about myself bc im so selfish and self centered granted i never said it out loud but i feel every word of it

[sca-rian]

ello! ive got a little one shot request for you

ive been really enjoying your scarian one shots recently, so id love to see a fluffy desert duo fic set during third life! im thinking like set during an evening at the castle or something, but tbh wherever your imagination takes you works

ik you’ve already done a couple fluffy scarian one shots but ive re read them so many times already sorry lmao i like them a lot!

anything for you, anon. your request was a delight to write. take this silly little thing i made super quick and didnt even bothered editing 🍰 pairing: grian/scar words: 972 notes: for the ongoing scarian comfort one-shots saga. set on 3rd life, fluffy, slightly suggestive dialogue

The desert was cold at night, and Scar had, by far, the worst self-preservation skills Grian had ever seen. 

Scar wasn’t stupid, of course, but he certainly had a few less brain cells from time to time, specially when Grian was around. It was most likely on purpose—Grian noticed the laughs and smiles behind his back, when Scar thought he was no longer paying attention. 

But he always did, and got flustered every single time. Perhaps that, too, was on purpose, he could never know for sure. 

Taking all that into account, Grian’s goal of making sure Scar doesn’t die certainly wasn’t an easy one to achieve, but he did the best he could. He got better at fighting, he built them a safe place to call home, and made sure they had everything they could ever need. 

And that included getting some wool and convincing Scar to make himself something nice and warm for the cold nights. 

It wasn’t an easy job, both the convincing (because Scar insisted he was fine with his lack of clothes) and the crafting itself. However, after Scar had his mind set into something, he, in fact, showed how good he could be at it: and, as rudimentary and slow as their method had to be, Scar was great at knitting.

It quickly became some sort of comfort for them: each night, after an exhausting day of problems, anxiety, and the threat of bloodshed, they would curl themselves around a lit up furnace, and Grian would watch Scar knit for a few hours.

Then, they talked about everything and nothing at all, and Grian dared to casually touch Scar’s unbelievably warm skin, as he used to do, back when things were simpler. He dared to lean in Scar’s direction, and listen to his steady, comforting breath so close to him. 

He wished things stayed like that forever. 

“I don’t think I understand what you’re doing,” Grian said, on the third night they did that. He had just finished feeding Scar a bowl of warm stew—something Grian never thought he’d have to do, yet there he was. “Isn’t it getting too big? We might run out of yarn.” 

Scar stopped his knitting in the middle of a stitch, and Grian noticed the frown in his face as he did so. 

“We can’t run out of yarn.”

“Scar, I’m telling you, it might happen.” 

Scar looked down, his yellowish eyes meeting Grian’s green ones. There was some concern, of sorts, in his expression—something that didn’t match him. 

“It can’t. We should get more tomorrow.” 

It was Grian’s turn to frown. 

“It’d take us hours to get it prepared,” he complained, since he would end up doing most of the work, anyway. “We don’t have time. Besides, I can’t guarantee we’ll find any healthy sheep in the wild.”

Scar sighed. 

“Then how is this blanket supposed to cover both of us?”

Grian opened his mouth to answer, but immediately closed it again—and his cheeks started to heat up, once he realized what Scar has just said. 

“I thought you were going to make a sweater,” he muttered. 

“I was going to make one, but I don’t like wearing heavy clothes, so I changed for a blanket.”  

Unbelievable. And Grian even thought he had managed to put some common sense on Scar’s head. 

Apparently, it didn’t work—all it did, in the end, was make him flustered once again. 

“And you want it to be a couple blanket?”  

“Yes.” 

“Scar—” Grian hid his face in his hands, even if Scar would never need to see the red in his face to know he was blushing. “We don’t even use the same bed.” 

Scar held his wrist, and Grian peaked through his fingers just in time to see the smile on his face. 

“But we could—” And it was his convincing Grian of some bullshit tone again. 

Grian bumped his shoulder against Scar. He stopped hiding his face, but still refused to look at Scar—he didn’t need to embarrass himself further, specially when Scar was doing that with his voice.  

“I hate when you use the stupid smooth talk on me.”

“What can I say? It’s the most effective on you.” Scar smiled, and he took Grian’s hand to his lips, gently kissing his knuckles. And it certainly didn’t help Grian’s blushing issue. “Besides, we haven’t shared a bed in so long.”

“Yes, because things rarely end well when we do.” He could attempt to argue, even when he could already see himself agreeing.

“You mean—”

“I mean the many times we fell off,” he quickly interrupted Scar, since he never trusted what that mouth had to say. “And I certainly don’t mean what you were about to say.” 

“I wasn’t even going to say anything!” Scar replied, and Grian gave him an inquisitive look. “But you always have fun when we do.” 

“Scar—”

Scar shushed him with a quick kiss on the curve of his neck—because Grian had no other option but to hum contently and melt ever so slightly against his partner. 

“Please?” he said. “It’s so cold outside.”

Grian didn’t hold back his smile.

“Oh, so you’re cold now?” 

“If being cold will get you to cuddle with me, then I’m freezing.”  

Grian sighed, but it was far from annoyance—he closed his eyes, and allowed Scar to give a few more kisses on his neck, in an attempt to convince him, even if Grian was very much sold already.

He could wait until tomorrow to think of the consequences, but now? 

Now, he was cold, and he missed his Scar. 

“Fine,” he said, and Scar stopped. “I’ll do it. And I’ll get more wool tomorrow.” 

Scar smiled, and then he kissed the edge of Grian’s lip—his lowest move, perhaps, and the one he did so well. 

“That’s my dear.”

[written-beyond-the-grave]

Mikaelsons Black History Month

First off, I’m starting by saying that even though it is no longer Black history month it will always be melanin everyday and black people every day. And everything else under the sun, and if you don’t like it then the exit is to your left. Everything you own in the box to the left

Being part of the Mikaelsons is very fickle business and be some bs. Like really, you’re here with supernatural beings who are over 1000 years old. Who have traveled the world, gained endless knowledge, seen a lot of bloodshed, but you know what they haven’t seen? Their token human (black ofc) being ignant for black history month, I mean who even fully celebrates? How does one even celebrate?

Granted, they’re not racist. But with the writing Julie Pleck did she was playing honestly. That was the worst writing I've ever seen since who knows when. Maybe the nine lives of Chloe king or something? But in my originals universe they were probably racist in the beginning to an extent then grew out of it.

Anyways, they never met someone who celebrated until they met you!

Now repeat after me: I’m black y’all, and I’m black y’all. And I’m black and black and black y’all! FYM

Now…. picture this: A moderately quiet day in the Mikaelson household. Kol is minding his business for once, Rebekah is trying to find the perfect pics for her next instagram post, Elijah is enjoying a good read, and Klaus is organizing his art materials. But then here comes you, the human, opening the door and walking right in like you pay bills (none of them do but you get the picture) in the midst of the most deadly people. Walking in and greeting everyone, walking in with the most hotep, Dr. Umar bullshit getup they ever seen. Coming to America headass.

They recognize your footsteps from a mile away, so when you walk into the kitchen and no one really looks up at first it’ll be a sight to see a whole ass pelted lion on your back. The kente cloth hat (no idea the actual name for it, sorry babes), a saber tooth necklace (for my mans T’Challa), and the red stiletto nails with the afro out here banging.

SHEEEEEEEEESH

Once Elijah is done with his page he looks up to greet you, but then stops… Bitch, fuck is you wearing? This was worlds away from the sweats, and skinny jeans you wore on the daily.

“Greetings Y/N you look…. Fashionable.” Mans didn’t know what to say. Did he miss something about your Africna roots? Was there a holiday he hadn’t heard of, doubt it, but what else was there?

“Thank you Elijah.” You fluff out your lion pelt for added effect, if there was ever going to be one time you outdo the Mikaelsons’ especially Elijah in being dramatic with a coat or cloak of somesort, it would be now.

At this point the Kol and Rebekah have already looked up and were confused. Why are you dressed like that?

Kol is the first one to speak up “Darling, Rebekah likes a fashion show more than anyone, but why do you have a lion… on your shoulder.”

Lifting up your large ass shades you supplied an answer: “Black History Month”

They all looked at each other… they didn’t get it. Like they know what it is, but never actually understood how to celebrate and all that nor did they ever actually give it mind. When you saw that they weren’t making a connection, you started phase 1.

“Alexa, you know what to do.”

And there goes their manor playing: NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA I’M ONE HUNDRED PERCENT NIGGA

LMFAOOOOO you got the white people shook. Klaus just dropped one of his expensive ass bottles of art sealants and is vamp speeding to the kitchen to figure out what the hell is going on. Elijah having a mid century crisis on how tf they even found you and deemed you worthy of being in their presence so casually. Kol is having fun in the back, still laughing at your get up. And Rebekah wishes she went to the mall instead, she wanted a girl bestie and got you instead rip

“WHAT IN BLAZES- Y/N WHAT ARE YOU DO- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING! ALEXA STOP THE MUSIC-” And the big bad wolf has arrived. You put your finger to Klaus’ lips which stuns him bc… you’re still HOOOMAN like damn, death wish much? And you look this man, straight in his mit and say “Looks at, look at me” and pause for dramatic affect, “I am the captain now”

Room silent as hell till Kol starts cackling

You’ve made Dr. Umar proud, the ancestors are shining on you once again

With that you lead into a whole speech about the black struggle and black history month, bottom line: REPARATIONS. Because being the only nigga in the Mikaelsons (we don’t claim Marcel) is exhausting, white people shit everyday that you complain about in their faces

TBH at this point they’re indulging you in this escapade.

First victim is Elijah, you ask for his wallet. He gives you a look, I mean he does technically give you what you want and whatever (when y’all dating, refer back to my dating Elijah post), so he ask you why. Reparations sis why, but then you stop yourself. This man gives you his wallet every other day, half the time you not even asking. What could you rob this man of…. Ah. You ask him for the deed of one of his estates in Prague, why? Because you bitches can’t even spell Prague. And under section S line 45 subsection Y it does state that estates are eligible for reparations. Fuck 40 acres and a mule, you got 300 acres, some stallions in the back, a quite possibly haunted mansion, and a heavy dicked (yeah I said it, a sis been trying to reality shift) original who will turn you out by the end of the day and the end of the month…. Wait till women's history month boo

We know his pockets figgity fat, and it would be figgity wack to not get some

Ngl you take Kol with you so he can buy you food. Granted, he knows what you’re doing, but if he’s going to spend money on anything it will be thawed and it will be music. However, one thing leads to another and you’re both at Wal-Mart waiting to find a parking spot. You stole one off a white minivan trying to move in. Not thinking anything of it because who in this small ass Mystic Falls ass, clown ass town really about it? Apparently Karen.

But you know who else what about it? Kol (tbh mans had nothing but time, and he claims you so why tf not.) he out here NY stomping on her and coming at her for badly glued extensions. Cheap ass bitch, ain’t even blend in correctly.

After that Kol and you left with some groceries, a new story to tell, and a chopped cheese.

With Klaus, he frfr wasn’t finna do shit. Being ordered my a human? Lmfao, go find another simp sis. But… once you suggest that his art skills may not be up to par on what you have in mind as a new family room piece for your house he’s all ears. He knows what you’re doing, but… he still wants to prove you wrong. But anyways, you give him a theme… reverse racism. IK y’all, it’s not a thing, but mans has ideas. And he outdoes himself. That and the recreation of the moorish chief bc that man...mmmmm that man was giving.

Ok so Google wanna hoe me, but there was a painting of a black man in a kkk cloak and behind him were white people being hung from a tree. Say what you want, but that photo was fire. If any of you seen it please share it below.

Anyways

Rebekah tbh wants no part in this, but I feel like she’d gave when you ask her to give you all the finest dresses bc it’s an excuse to exhaust Klaus’ money.

Through the month you give the Mikaelsons a run for their money, and maybe sanity. Klaus is in the back trying to research who tf Dr. Umar is and why is he your inspiration

They had to pull you back when the sheriff asked you for your ID. You ask why you needed white man paperwork!

You are pleasing the spirits, what bonnie could never do lmfaooooo. The powers of you enemies aren’t prospering this month nor next month.

You’re not poor this month, anything you poor of is pouring a little more (bars nigga)

LMFAOOOO imaging asking the fam to go to paris, like, they not invited it’s a self trip funded my the Mikaelson Y/N Trust Fund of Public Decency ™

Klaus would be the first one to speak because this man is TIRED, “Love, why do you need a trip to paris? What’s in Paris?”

Knowing better, you look to Kol to answer the question, “I don’t know, Kol, who’s in Paris?” Niggas b. Niggas in paris…. Lemme chill

LMFAOOO enjoy

[warmau]

heck ok that minhyun college au had me feelin some type of way and he's not even my bias so if you wanted could you do one for jr? your writing is absolutely wonderful and i really appreciate all you do

specialty: jonghyun is doing his residency in cardiology 

“of coURSE you want to be a heart doctor” “what do you mean?” “well it’s just,,,,,,you’re so kind and ,,,,,, loving,,,,,it just fiTS YOU” 

^probably an actual conversation between jonghyun and minki in med school LOL

but no he really does his best in all of his work, like he knows that there are limits to how much he can do for people and the fact breaks him because he just wants to make sure everyone is taken care of and is safe

but his selflessness got him into some trouble in med school because people would constantly ask to cheat off him and some even took the credit for work /he/ did

yet jonghyun never as much as complained, even when dongho threatened to fight them for him because jonghyun would just shrug it off and be like “if it helps them, then that is what matters” and everyone is always like yes but at what cost to you and jonghyun just smiles

,,,,,that damn adorable angelic smile,,,,,,,and everyone is like god you really arent a person. you’re some kind of righteous demi-god with a heart too good for your own being LOL

looks totally mature and serious in his uniform and when he does intakes for the cardiology department 

but ,,,,,, the other residents know the tRUTH

about how his ID card is actually yellow and has little flowers on it, how instead of taking the precious time to sleep he’ll stay up and read webtoons on his phone, has a collection of squirtle’s lined up on his bed 

he gets really embarrassed when the superiors compliment his work and he’ll kind of try to hide his smile but also,,,, 

as usual if someone is getting in trouble he’ll try to shift the blame onto himself and again everyone is like jonghyun please stop putting yourself on the line for others

but he can’t,,,,it’s in his nature

one time he almost got kicked out of the program because he was going to take the blame for a negligent resident but thankfully minhyun and dongho intervened in time BUT STILL EVEN AFTER ALMOST GIVING THE REST OF NUEST A HEARTATTACK JONGHYUN CONTINUES TO DO THESE THINGS 

i guess you just can’t hold a good person down lgfjds

anyway back to him being cute,,,, he always compliments minki because he thinks he looks the best in his doctors coat and minhyun is (kinda) jealous while dongho is straight out like jonghyun jonghyun look at me flex - jonghyun hey

got caught singing to himself after putting away blood samples and everyone always asks him to show off his voice and he’s like ,,, a,,,ah i cant

(but he totally did at the christmas party some residents threw and it was. amazing. rumor is someone cried because jonghyuns voice was so nice)

everyone says he flirts with patients when he’s helping them get ready for procedures but jonghyun is just like???? im being nice

and everyone is like being nice doesnt involve being so damn handsome and using a soft tone of voice and flasing that smile-

jonghyun: are you saying my face is flirting for me

dongho: thats exactly it. It’s his face you guys. look at it

did i mention he totally saw a kid holding a pokemon toy in the waiting room and did an impersonation of squirtle to get the kid to laugh. well im mentioning it now.

so it’s technically your first time e v e r at the cardiologist and you have no idea what to expect and you’re kinda nervous,,,

the lady at the front desk is like honey dont worry its all painless and fine but you’re like,,,,,,,,,,,,,not completely convinced 

and when the nurse calls you in you’re expecting that she’ll be the one with you for most of the visit but she sits you down in a room and says one of the residents will do some tests today

and you’re like ok,,,,looking around the painfully bright room and wondering about all the different tools and the big diagrams of the human heart hung up on the wall

and when the door opens you turn and,,,,,damn near fall off the examination table

because the boy in front of you,,,,,,he’s got to be??? an actor???? a singer????? is this a prank camera????

he smiles,,,,dark hair combed neatly against his forehead and he points to the heart monitor in his hands nad he’s like “im jonghyun, ill be doing some tests on you for the doctor.”

in your head you’re still like,,,,,,is this dude actually a resident,,,,,isnt he too good looking

you’re so distracted that you dont even notice him hook you up to the heart monitor, carefully wrapping it around your arm and smiling at you as he pulls back to turn on the machine

and for a moment he watches the bright numbers and he writes something down, coming closer to you you see the numbers on the machine go up

and when you glance over,,,,,jonghyun is looking confused too

he puts his hand back on the part of your arm and tightens the band a bit

the closeness is a bit much for you,,,,seeing his face up close you realize he’s even more handsome than before

and you can literally hear your heartbeat in your ears

jonghyun moves back and you let out a sigh,,,,the number begin to drop down to normal 

and jonghyun is like “that’s,,,,,odd,,,,let me see something-”

he takes a step closer to you again,,,looking at your eyes and taking out his stethoscope and you’re once again hearing your heartbeat in your ears

and after a minute or two jonghyun,,,,,looks down at his notepad and is like

“it seems that everytime i get near you,,,,,your heart rate goes up. are you nervous?”

you in your head: ofc im nervous have you SEEN your FACE

you speaking: ,,,,oh just im nervous of seeing the doctor hahaha,,,

jonghyun nods and gives you a smile,,,,he leans forward to put his hand on your wrist reassuringly

too bad you’re still hooked up to the machine and the numbers go back up past 110 and jonghyun is like oh ,,,,wow

and you’re ike gbifkdfljsfg e@ your body plEASE STOP contrOL yOURSELf

and jonghyun writes something down before taking the band off you and saying that the doctor will come in soon

and you cant even look at him because,,,,wow,,,,you really just got your heart rate raised by this cute resident you dont even know how corny gfldjcbvg u really need to stop falling for people you just meet

but as jonghyun closes the door he cant help but smile to himself because,,,,thats the first time someones heart rate has changed so drastically in front of him

plus the look of slight embarrassment on your face was so cute,,,,,,

the rest of the appointment goes by fine. the doctor is like nothing seems to be wrong and you’re healthy although ive never seen such spikes in heart beat,,,,maybe its the nerves?

and you’re going back out of the room to the front desk when you bump into someone and looking up you see him again,,,,,jonghyun

the heat rushes all up into your face and you’re like fkgdse sorry,,,,,for getting all nervous back there

and he laughs because you’re the patient you shouldn’t ever apologize and you’re like gOsh i probably looked like such a fool

but jonghyun shakes his head and he’s like “a lot of people get nervous at the doctors,,,,,but not a lot of people still manage to look cute”

and you’re like excuse me and he’s like,,,,,oh,,,,i said that outloud?

and you’re like y,,,yes??// and jonghyun is just like coyly smiling and he’s like well no use in hiding it - it was very cute, its nice to know i can have such an impact on someone

and you’re like listen,,,,please,,,, you’re just so attractive up close i thought u werent a real resident for a bit

that makes jonghyun laugh and you cant help but giggle too

you both walk out to the front desk and you tell jonghyun that it was nice to meet him,,,,,and jonghyun is like ah! before you go - here

he hands you a pamphlet on heart health and you’re like,,,,,thank you?

but when you leave you open it up and out falls a note torn from a pad and it says

‘if you ever are free - stop by the hospital again? only if you want of course~ resident kim ‘makes your heart rate go past 110′ jonghyun’

its,,,,,the corniest thing but you cant help but feel a giddiness in your stomach 

jonghyun back in the doctors office is telling himself that he really shouldnt have wote that dumb ‘makse your heart rate go past 110′ part but its DONE now,,,,so he’ll ave to just wait and see

,,,,,,,of course you come back how can you not lmao you show up at the office and the front desk women seems to know whats going on she just winks and tells you to wait while she gets jonghyun

its a short first “date” because it happens outside the hospital cafe where you’re both drinking coffee and talking about your interests and hobbies and jonghyun has to run back after fifteen minutes but,,,,

it’s enough for you two,,,,,

slowly you visit the hospital more and more until finally you and jonghyun share a first kiss near the doctors entrance to the parking lot and it’s,,,,not thE most romantic but jonghyun somehow makes it just that murmuring that after kissing you he wonders if your hearts went over 150 and you’re like jonghyun,,,,wouldnt i die

and he’s like im dying right now,,,,from your cuteness and you’re like pLEASE

dating resident!jonghyun: like most residents he doesnt have any time for real dates but jonghyun will put all of his power into making every visit of yours count, im not kidding he literally does the most of your time together whether its gifting you flowers he totally paid dongho 20 bucks to run out and buy on his lunch because he wanted to have something nice to give you but wouldnt be let off by the doctor to using his lab coat to shield you two from the other residents in the dorm when you get a couple of minutes longer and jonghyun wants to kiss you deeply and passionately but also theres like 5 other people in the room LOL, he tells you that if you ever miss him you can look up videos of squirtle - people say they look a like and you’re like if you’re squirtle am i pikachu??? and he’s like omg,,,,,yes,,,,,,that is our couple dynamic from now on, you learn very quickly that the charming, doctor to be that made your heart race is actually a Big Soft Dork, but you love it and you keep sneaking him in new comic books and snacks and every other resident is like jonghyun ask your significant other to get us stuff too and jonghyun can never say no so you end up having like a literal list of things to bring with you every damn time, you learn that jonghyun is selfless in the way he treats you like you are the only one that matters in the relationship, and tbh you dont like it because you want to show him that his needs are just as important as yours so even when jonghyun holds you in his arms and you feel that he’s trying to be polite you’re like “if you want you can put your hand-” jonghyun blushing like i,,,i shouldn- you: jonghyun we’re dating just do it if you want FGFDSg, you can tell the days that are the most hectic because jonghyun comes out to meet you with his hair a mess and his ID on sideways and you always fix him up and kiss his face and he refers to you as his sunlight in dark times and you’re like please you’re my sunlight you make me so proud (those words literally. melt him), is the type to have his family as his phone background and you’re like wow!! id love to meet your parents some day and jonghyun sheepishly admits he’s bragged about you already on the phone, adores it when you get fussy over him not taking his vitamins and not getting enough sleep and he’s always like ‘this is the life of a resident blah blah i cant stop till im the perfect doctor blah blah’ and you’re just holding his face in your hands like kim jonghyun your body is a temple - and not only your temple anymore but also mine because i love you and care about you so seriously dont overwork yourself every time, jonghyun never says it but seeing you scold him like that kind of gets him going and he always attacks you with kisses that show his urgency and you’re like !!! because as sensitive and gentle as jonghyun usually is sometimes something inside him comes out ;—) and it comes out to the point that you might have to hide your neck the next day lkdsjxcv, you wear jonghyun’s lab coat and stand next to minki and everyone is like ok now whose the best looking “doctor” and jonghyun chooses you and minki is DEVASTATED but minhyun is like finally,,,,someone has knocked minki off his high horse, jonghyun holding you around the waist cuddling his face into your neck completely ignoring everything else around you two: uhuh, he’s always saying sorry for things like sneezing our bumping into you by accident and you’re like kim jonghyun you angel you’re too good for me and this world and he’s like,,,well he’s like im sorry TT and you’re like if you say that again i will kiss you to shut u up (of course he says it again,,, and again,,,an again), you learned that he plays a lot of instruments and when he gets the chance he shows you videos of him and you’re like ,,,, how are you so talented and handsome and how am i so lucky and he’s like,,,,,,im the lucky one shh,,,,you guys are literally the ‘i love you more’ ‘no i love you more’ couple LOL, has a habit of licking his lips when he’s thinking and you’re like jonghyun dont do that around patients i feel like one of them might fall for you, dongho from somewhere: they all already fall for him, when he’s not doing his residency and you guys do get to go out you get to see cutest bf jonghyun in a soft cardigan and a warm smile and you’re like wow i love you so much you are like the human personification of wholesome goodness, jonghyun probably has a photo of you in his locker at the dorm that he talks to at the beginning of the day like ‘let make it through the day so our future is bright,,,,,my future with you’ LIKE HES THAT CUTE OK 

find other pd101 boys here: ong seongwoo | kang daniel | lee daehwinu’est boys here: minhyun 

[vernon-luv]

On My Mind Pt. 5

admin k: honestly, idk i wrote this pretty late so sorry if there are errors. (also ik you probably thought there be a make out session..i didn’t do it sorry! lol but I’m thinking I make it later or in a different scenario..well see) 

word count: 1.5k

genre: fluff

You stood there, pressed against the door and staring into his eyes. You were trapped and he wasn’t intending to let you out any time soon. Vernon smirked while looking down at you. He knew your heart was racing and any second now, something could occur where you both weren’t so much as friends anymore.

You were dumb to fall for his tricks but you were delusional to his plan. You felt stupid for agreeing to just be friends now because this would happen. Vernon is sneaky and obviously worked his way around your words, twisting them and all just to get his way.

You didn’t understand why he wanted to go out with you so much, not that you thought of him as desperate but…he was more determined that you had thought.

Your heart was giving in so easily to him. Your breathing had quicken as you looked from his eyes to his lips that looked so soft and sweet…too close to where you were anticipating to feel his lips against yours. But you made sure to hold yourself back and you weren’t going to give into him so quickly.

You were saved by your phone as it started ringing in your pocket. Vernon let out a groaned and took his hand off the door, turning around as he lets you answer your call. You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding in and took your phone out of your pocket.

You were going to thank your saviour but reading the caller ID, you started frowning. It was Jisoo. Annoyance could be read all over your face as you declined the call and put your phone on your desk. Vernon turned to see what you just did and looked at you with confusion. “You’re not going to answer it?”

“No.” You said not even bothering to look at him.

With that, he knew who had called you and wasn’t going to ask about him again.

You were a bit pissed thinking about Jisoo so you forget and didn’t care that Vernon was here with you.

Deciding to ignore Vernon again, you sat on your bed. It wasn’t long until Vernon was sick and tired of the silence between the two of you that he starts to speak to you again. Still bright and full of energy, he targeted it towards making you happy again and cheering you up.

The time he had with you alone was special to him and he hated that it was always ruined by Jisoo.

He took out his phone and started to play some music, nodding his head first with a smile, liking his own taste and choice of music.

You had taken one of your notebooks and was reading your notes from today, studying. You looked at him, showing no emotion and only shifting your eyes to him.

“What are you doing?” You said with a bit of venom in your tone.

“Listening to music.” He answered the obvious. Vernon got up and started to do some silly dance to the music, doing whatever he can just to get you to break into a smile.

He did his job as you huffed and gave him a small smile before looking back at your notes.

“Dance with me.” Vernon said softly, pulling at one of your arms gently. He grabbed your wrist and you started to lean lazily towards him, almost falling as you got out of your bed. 
You stood up, still not sure if you should be convinced into dancing with him. You start it was stupid but as Vernon continued to dance and persuade you, you found him cute and dancing wasn’t horrible.

You grabbed his phone and connected it to your speaker, making the music louder to the point where the girls in the dorm beside you could probably hear and complain about. Thought ou didn’t care seeing as how much fun you had with Vernon afterwards, dancing with him.

Vernon and you laughed, enjoying your time together. He made you forget your worries in less than a few minutes. You didn’t know how it was possible but it honestly made you so happy just to have someone like him who can be here for you.

—-

Unlike what you had told yourself, you had given in a little too easily and a little too quickly. You didn’t know it but you were falling for Vernon…hard.

The more days past, the more time you spent with each other. It felt so casual and comfortable to be near him. His bright mood always put a smile on your face.

At times, you forgot about your mental illness. It was…as if it wasn’t a problem or a worry or..as if it didn’t even exist to you. The only time you would remember about it was when Vernon reminded you to you to take your pills or if it naturally kicked it. The pills helped your greatly and you weren’t bothered that Vernon knew about your illness.

He didn’t seem to think it mattered much but there were still some times when you’d get insecure about it.

Even without Jisoo by your side, you still had those awful thoughts about your mental illness that weighed you down so heavily.

What made your weary thoughts worst was when you started to think and see other people staring at you and Vernon. Sure, it was a strange pair, dynamic, opposite in many ways…it wasn’t everyday that you saw one of the most well known people on campus with some…loner girl.

Vernon didn’t care about who watch the two of you. He could give a less of a damn about what people had to say about the two of you but you thought differently.

You had a tendency to stay quiet since it was the safety thing to do but when it came to Vernon, he’d pry his way to get his answer.

“Y/N!!” He had called once you left class so quickly without him.

“Wow, you’re in a rush today.” He said once he caught up and you sighed, not wanting to look at him.

“What’s wrong with you today? You’ve barely said a word to me all day.” Vernon asked out of curiosity as well as concern. You heard both of it in his tone and it started to break your heart, thinking about the way you were acting towards him. 
“Sorry I’m just…not feeling well today. Why don’t you hang out with some of your other friends? I’m sure you have plenty.” You mumbled at first but slowly your words turned into a much more harsh hiss that you wanted.

Vernon vigorously grabbed a fistful of your sleeve and pulled you to stop walking. He furrowed his eyes at you, eyebrows knotted with his eyes hooded. You could see him clenching his jaw. “What is that suppose to mean?” Why was it that you found his anger…hot?

“I mean, go hang out with someone who fits your style and your standards. Someone who isn’t me, someone who..doesn’t have an illness.” 

“Why are you talking about yourself like that?! I want to be with you because I like you Y/N! I don’t know why you’re bringing up your mental illness like this but you shouldn’t! I don’t care if people stare at us, talk behind our backs, none of that! And I definitely, especially don’t think you mental illness has anything to do with me wanting to be with you! I care for you Y/N!” he had started yelling, as if letting everyone on campus listen into your conversation.

You looked around to make sure no one was near you guys because it was a little embarrassing. “Vernon, lower your voice-“

“No! I need you to know that I like you for you! I want everyone to know that and I want to be with you, like as your boyfriend Y/N.” You blinked blankly at him for his blunt words.

You could truly see that with the look in his eyes, he meant every word he was telling you in the moment. Though it hasn’t been long since the two of you been talking..you still felt closer to him than almost anyone in your life.

He made you feel loved like no other person has made you feel.

You heart raced whenever you were with him and you never knew how to stop it or slow it down.  That was…until now when you made the brave move to lean in capture his lips with yours.

It took both of you by surprise but within seconds, Vernon responded, pressing his lips against yours, kissing you back as his hand made his way to cup your cheek.

You never admitted it with your thoughts that you liked Vernon but your heart already knew and it already was taken by Vernon long ago.

[mintyicee]

Warning: skip this post if want

It’s a rant...and i absolutely hate you tumblr app bc i had to redue this twice now! >:(

Anyway, I’m used to being ignored. Everyone around me since i was little to being a young adult now has left me to own thoughts and corner in my home since forever. Though i am partially to blame being an introvert and an absolutely horrible friend in keeping contact with friends online, I mostly do so if i feel no one wants to hear, see, speak, or look at me. I will personally disappear and hide myself bc i feel it will make others happy if i wasnt around. As if i didn’t exist. True, not everyone in your life will be around forever and true, being oneself is your greatest friend. But, as shy or quiet as i am, I love being around other ppl. I dont want to be around ppl 24/7 but i do want to connect with ppl i feel can appreciate me at my fullest and without feeling like im weird or the odd ball that doesnt belong.

With that being said, I may be USED to it but i ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. As any human being would of coarse and a lot of ppl have it worse dont get me wrong. Making this rant already makes me feel selfish and in need of pity which isnt why im writing this. Simply put i want to push this anger out of me and get it out of my system bc i feel i cant move forward until i do so. And when it comes to my problems i suck at communicating it to others bc i feel they have much more important things to be doing then to babysit someone who is feeling down (but id drop everything to listen to others sadness bc i care way too much). 

I hate feeling like i did back when i lived in my hometown. Very lonely and sad. Constantly crying. I wouldn’t do anything all summer but cry in my room bc of how alone i felt. And i gave a very important part of me away just to make sure i had at least one person hanging around. I regret it very much but my efforts to hang out with the friends i saw at school outside of school would be very close to zero. Everyone is either busy or just low key didnt want to hang out with me. Tho i was lucky to have at least one friend I would see more in certain grades, it wasnt constant. And once all the drama with my nuclear family subsided, i was much more alone in the house than before middle school. 

I didnt have a cellphone or home phone, no internet either till i moved and started high school. The things that kept me going usually was my writing, music, and cartoons. Seriously being serious here. The way Id touch base with any of my school friends was to walk to their house and be lucky if they had time or were home. When i moved i had so much hope that Id find ppl to share and spend time with. Not only that but i was in the real world and no longer stuck in a house like a prisoner or place for that matter. But like stupid ppl or racists, the same ppl pop up everywhere as well as the loneliness i was hoping to leave behind. Only it came in a new form: even when im around others. I am/was happier here tho. No longer confined in my hometown house. But recently it feels like i am. This summer has been my loneliest since the move and the feeling like no one cares about me at all have all come back at my lowest and most crucial decision making time of my life. Not being in school this semester/school year is hitting me hard and no job call backs for a whole month now either. 

Partially my fault tho. The new friend crew ive been spending time with have been ignoring anything i said in the group chat. Id be skipped over and lately it feels as if im just upsetting certain ppl and end up talking about me behind my back. Really nothing new but I’ve just had enough of it. Like always I distanced myself and stopped talking all together. I’ve been more political upset in recent days due to certain issues on twitter but I’ve only been talking to my boyfriend and my mother. In hindsight tho, they really are my best friends. They are here for me at my highest and lowest no matter how many times i cry or how suddenly i get upset or frustrated. They are the ones to accept me for who i am. No one else has done this to the extent as they have and really thats all i need. Even if i dont get any other long term friends i dont care bc i know they will be by my side till the end. 

But I also want to say that if you didnt want to be my friend in the first place or you wanted me to initiate the conversation first then u should at least comment back at what im saying. If i said something dumb or something that didnt add to the convo then tell me dont just ignore me like im stupid. I refuse to be your “friend” that you only want around to be made fun of. I’ve been through a lot and yes ik u have your share of problems but if your going to only look at yourself and care about yourself then i dont need you. Im good without having that in my life. Ive had my fill of people who act like that to me. And im also tired of people who dont care about others and present issues. I CRY ABOUT PPL I DONT KNOW THAT ARE ON THE NEWS WHETHER NAMED OR NOT. HELL I CRY EVEN IF THEY ARENT ON THE NEWS! There are soooo many ppl who have it way worse than myself who suffer daily and im sick of hearing ppl dont care about the ppl and situations around them! I wont sit here making an excuse as to why i cant help its the same old issues no money (no job as mentioned above) hell even no car but that doesnt matter. I still pray! I pray for safety of others and i pray that ppl will be alright and i pray that things will get better! And also mentioned earlier, ive been reposting about current issues on twitter! This is small but i want to try!

So please if you had no intentions of sticking around me at any of my current moods, dont appreciate the person i am, or relatively dont give a fuck then dont involve yourself in my life. Yes it hurts to be alone but Id rather have that and be alone then FEEL ALONE WITH PPL IVE COME TO CARE FOR! Also, if I have helped you through thick n thin and you think u can pop into my life whenever you feel like it only to stop talking to me or purposely upset me and even threaten me? GTFO of my life and dont come back! Ever (yes this is about a certain friend who moved away and i helped not commit suicide that im holding a grudge at)!  And if you honestly are going to get upset at the actions ive done and say you do good things when you have zero sign of love for others in your hearts, live in a bubble of your own world, and follow the bible “word for word” get out of my face too bc i dont need ppl who say they are here to help others only to shun me if i dont constantly keep verses in my head or do things the way you want them to be and to have me fight my own demons while going against your beliefs and saying that im not doing what im supposed to (yes this is about church)! I DO THINGS AND CARE WAY MORE THAN YOU DO TRUST ME AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IM EVER GOING TO SELFISHLY SAY SO BC ITS BETTER TO BE HUMBLE AND NOT ARROGANT. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO JUDGE YOU YET YOU GET TO JUDGE ME? NO I DONT THINK SO YOU SHOULD START AT LEVEL ONE AGAIN AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! (still about church not friends here). Also dont worry about the level one thing; you would know what this means if you went to the same church. 

I’ve been couping with the idea that all i need is two friends. I’m so grateful and blessed to have them in my life and if im truly meant to have more than it will be so. I know two others of whom i need to apologize for hardly emailing or sending a message to. I feel so bad i have neglected them only bc ive been feeling so down about this and other issues (like before: school, no job/car, possibly changing career and life goals, etc) but really is no excuse. Welp I’ve said all i wanted to say for the moment. There is another topic i wish to vent about but it will have to be for another day bc i have no energy to complain about that topic. If anyone read all this im sorry i took time out of your day and that I hope you are doing well. I hope you continue to live your life to the fullest and to celebrate the good things not the bad that comes along. I just really needed to vent these emotions so i can finally concentrate on what i need to do. Thank you for listening <3