#sorry if you expected me to be normal about this

[justmymindandstuff]

Hello, how you doing ?

Could i request Cregan Stark x Daemon's first daughter, born from Rhea Royce ?

She is a Targaryen and has a dragon, but she is very shy and tends to keep to herself, so she doesn't tell Cregan about being bullied by Arra Norrey's maids, who think she is not good enough for their lord.

He figures it out when he finds her letters to Rhaenyra and sees her trying to put her bags on her dragon to flee in the middle of the night.

Feel free to ignore this if you don't like it, have a lovely day ☺

Shadows of the past - Cregan Stark x TargaryenReader

summary: Cregan Stark, Lord of Winterfell, is forced to remarry after the death of his first wife and childhood sweetheart. His new bride is the eldest daughter of Daemon Targaryen and Rhea Royce. Cregan fears the worst. But his wife is sweet, gentle, beautiful, kind. Everything he could wish for. He starts thinking you are slowly building a life together in the north, however he realizes that it is not as idyllic for you as he thought.

words: 7.244

warnings: angst, mention of bullying, mention of sex (not explicit), slow burn

a/n: I love writing for Cregan soo much its not normall anymore. Thank you anon for your request🧡. I hope you like it. Sorry that it took me so long.

no use of Y/N, and as always: English is not my first language, no beta, AO3.

requests are open// main masterlist// hotd masterlist

When the offer of your hand from Dragonstone came, Cregan was skeptical. The eldest daughter of the rough prince as a wife. But he needs a new wife. It is his duty as the Warden of the North. And an offer from the Targaryens is not something you simply refuse. So he agrees.

Cregan had expected you to be a spoiled, arrogant, selfish princess.

The girl who arrived in Winterfell on her dragon is exactly the opposite.

You are shy, reserved, calm.

Outwardly, you are entirely Targaryen, with long blonde hair, deep lilac eyes, gentle facial features, beautiful.

Internally, there is none of the infamous Targaryen temperament in you.

When you speak, your voice sounds like a melody, always soft and gentle.

If it weren't for your dragon, Silverwing, Cregan would never think you are Daemon Targaryen's daughter.

The first few weeks, you were very closed off. Never speak unless you are spoken to. Spent most of your time in your chambers, with work or with your dragon.

So he tries everything to make you feel comfortable in Winterfell. He walks with you through the Goodswood, has your favorite food prepared, makes sure you have enough warm cloaks and dresses. When he introduces you to his son Rickon, he is more nervous than he should be, but your eyes begin to shine as the heir of Winterfell greets you politely, just like Cregan has practiced with him.

On your wedding night he swore to you he would never take you if you didn't want to, he gave you all the power in your marital bed. That night you allowed him to lie with you, he was careful, always aware of your fragility, making sure that you also felt pleasure. After that night you didn't invite him into your bed again. Cregan longs for you, but he would never pressure you.

In your first weeks as Lady Stark you spend a lot of time with Winterfells Measter, ask a lot of questions, slowly working your way into your duties as Lady Stark. Cregan quickly notices that you are well prepared for the role of a Lady of a Great House in Westeros, but Winterfell is unlike other castles. You surprise him by quickly get used to it.

The moon hasn´t passed fully since your wedding, when he finds you one day in Rickon's chambers. You are sitting on the floor with his son and play with wooden soldiers, Rickon is telling a fantasy story and you are encouraging him. Cregan's heart swells slightly at the sight.

He clears his throat to get your attention, you flinch violently, when you look up at him you look like a deer.

You get to your feet immediately, surprisingly elegant despite your hectic behavior. "My Lord." you say and lower your head in front of him. A gesture that he couldn't drive out of you.

"My Lady. What are you doing here?"

"We're playing papa." Rickon intervenes without being asked. "Are you playing with us?"

"Unfortunately, I can't today, I have duties to attend to. I just wanted to check on you, my boy."

"I'm fine, father. We're playing great. I have so much fun." he holds up his favorite woodknight.

"Then I don't want to disturb you any further." he smiles at his son, nods to you and then leaves the children's cambers again. His Lords are already waiting for him.

In the evening you come to his chambers, standing uncertainly in his room. Cregan was not expecting you anymore, he has already changed for the night. He offers you a mug of warm beer and a place by the fireplace. As you sit down your cloak slips and the white of your nightgown flashes through. Cregan has to concentrate not to let his gaze wander.

"What brings you to me so late, my wife?" he asks curiously, sitting next to you at the fire.

"I'm sorry." you don´t look him in the eyes.

Cregan has to blink a few times, doesn't understand what you mean. But you don't say anything else, avoid his gaze so that he has to ask. "What are you sorry about?"

"I didn't mean to upset you." your hands play with the fabric of your cloak.

"You didn't upset me, wife. What makes you think that?" he asks, confused. Did he behave differently? Did he speak in a too harsh tone with you?

"Today with Rickon. It upset you that I played with him. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I have no intention of replacing his mother, your late wife."

Cregan has to suppress a laugh. How wrong you are. "It didn't upset me, sweet wife." his voice is soft and you finally look him in the eyes. Your eyes are wide, surprised, your lips open slightly. Cregan wants to lean forward and kiss you, but he doesn't. "I'm glad that you're spending time with Rickon. Maybe you can be a mother figure to him someday." he expresses his wish hesitantly.

"I intend to love him as if he were mine." you say, a smile creeping onto your lips. Cregan is brave and reaches for your warm hand, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. You don't pull away and continue speaking. "But he shouldn't forget his mother."

"Don't worry about this, Lady Selina, Lady Darcy and Lady Alys will keep the memory alive."

"The Nursemaids. What does that mean?" you tilt your head slightly, examining him closely. The soft light of the fire catches in your hair and makes your skin glow warmly. Gods you are beautiful. Cregan has to swallow before he can answer.

"They were my late wife's friends, her Ladies. After Arra died, I asked them to stay in the household to look after Rickon." remembering how overwhelmed Cregan suddenly was by everything, and how much the loss of his first wife hurt him, he needs a moment to ground himself before he can continue speaking. "If that bothers you, then of course I can dismiss them and send them away from Winterfell."

He knows that this loss will hurt Rickon, he has been surrounded by the three Ladies his whole life, Selina was Arra's best friend. However he would do it for you, he wants you to feel comfortable and Rickon would get over the loss of his nannies, he is a Starkman after all, one day he will be as tough as winter. He has to be.

"No. No, please don't send them away." you squeeze his hand a little. "It is important that her friends are here. They need to tell him what his mother was like. I mean his real mother. My mother also died when I was young. I hardly remember her and I have nobody how can told me something about her." you suddenly sound sad. Cregan is surprised by your words. Additional to the Ladies, he regularly speaks to Rickon about his mother, takes him to her grave, tells stories, has a portrait of her hung in Rickon's room.

"Your father doesn't talk about her?"

You sigh, a narrow smile on your lips. You look into the flames again before speaking quietly. "No, never." you bite your lower lip and then whisper. "I was told he killed her." Cregan doesn't doubt for a second that it is true. He squeezes your hand gently. You look at him again, a sad smile on your lips. "It hurts when you don't know your mother. It's like half of yourself is missing. And my other half is a monster. I'm glad Rickon is learning about his mother and that his father isn't a monster."

A lump forms in Cregan's throat, he doesn't know what to say. Your words touch him, but at the same time make him angry at your father and he feels sorry for you. Your life doesn't seem to have been particularly bright.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Thank you. But I don't need your pity." for the first time, Cregan feels like he sees the dragon blood in your eyes. "My stepmothers both treated me as if I were their own blood. I didn't grow up without love."

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't." your gentle smile is back on your lips. "So I can take care of Rickon?" you avoid his gaze again, your cheeks are slightly red.

"Of course. I'm glad you're getting along well."

"He's great. A good boy." you smile and then get up elegantly from your chair. "I'm retiring now. Good night husband."

"Good night sweet wife." he sinks into a slight curtsy before leaving his chambers. Cregan takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair. He's happy that you want to take care of Rickon. That you want to be a part of his family. This is something he wanted for this marriage, that you can be a family.

Cregans efforts take fruits. He has the feeling that you are slowly thawing and starting to trust him.

A light summer snow falls down and gets caught in the fur of your hood. Cregan has take you for a ride through the Wolfswood today. Cregan is surprised how well you can hold yourself in the saddle. In the next moment, he doubts his sanity. You are riding a dragon. Such a horse is of course easy for you. You look around with wide eyes and a gentle smile on your face. Cregan can't help but stare at you, captivated by your beauty.

"I missed that at Dragonstone." you say, looking over to him. Cregan flinches slightly, doesn't quite understand what you mean.

"Forests?" he guesses. He has no idea about Dragonstone's vegetation.

"No. To see something new. Dragonstone is an island, if you live there long enough, you've seen everything." you shrug your shoulders.

Cregan has to chuckle slightly. "You have a dragon, sweet Wife. You could have seen the whole world."

"I would never have left my family." you say firmly. Are you angry?

"I didn't mean to offend you." he tries to circle back. He is always a bit unsure when he talks to you. He wants you to feel comfortable, that you are doing well, and he wants you to like him. Maybe someday you will love him. He finds it hard to be patient. If he is honest with himself, you had him from the very first moment. Your beauty overwhelmed him, your kindness and gentleness captivated him, and your smile. Gods, your smile makes his heart beat faster.

He knows that he loves you. Even if he can't tell you. Not yet. He is afraid of scaring you. So he holds back. He tries to give you space so you can get used to your new role, your new home, and him.

He would love to scream his feelings for you from the wall so that the whole world hears it.

But it is not the right time for that yet.

A soft smile is on your lips again. "You didn´t husband."

He is relieved and returns your smile. "Do you want to go back? It's a little cold today."

"I'm not cold. I'm from the blodd of the Dragon. The cold doesn't bother me. It´s almost like I belong in the north." in the next moment your eyes widen and you look down. A blush spreads across your cheeks and Cregan has to swallow, his heart skips a beat.

"You are Lady Stark. You belong to Winterfell now." he says, trying to take away your insecurity. You don't look at him again, but he sees a smile on your lips. Maybe you'll even belong to him someday. He hopes so.

Back in Winterfell, you let him help you off your horse. His hands stay on your hips for a moment too long, but you don't seem to mind. You look up at him, your cheeks turn slightly red but you manage to hold his gaze. Cregan drowns into your beautiful, violet eyes. He leans forward slightly, wanting to feel your lips on his even if it's only for a moment. You don't back away.

"Papa." Rickon's voice echoes across the courtyard. Cregan and you flinch apart. He lets go of you and turns to his son. Anger flares up in him briefly at the disturbance, but when his boy jumps into his arms with a broad laugh, it immediately disappears.

"Rickon! Don't be so wild." Lady Darcy comes running out of the castle after him. Cregan notices you shifting your weight from one foot to the other next to him, out of the corner of his eye he sees you turning to your horse. A strange feeling spreads through him. At that moment Lady Darcy comes to him, opens her arms to take Rickon. "My Lord Stark, welcome back," she greets him and curtsies slightly.

"Papa, can I visit the dragon? Darcy says it's too dangerous alone, but you're back now," his son calls excitedly. Cregan's stomach tighten, he keeps himself as far away from Silverwing as possible. He is not comfortable with the monster. Even if there have been no problems so far, your dragon only hunts prey, stays away from people and the farmers' livestock. She usually flies further north, you told him that she has a cave there.

"I think that's a bad idea." Dracy interjects. "The monster is unpredictable, far too dangerous."

Cregan thinks for a moment, of course the nursemaid is right, Silverwing is dangerous. But you know your dragon better. You will certainly be able to judge whether your dragon poses a danger to Rickon or not. He turns to you to ask if it's okay for you to go visit your dragon with him and Rickon, but you are no longer standing next to your horse. His gaze searches the yard, but there is no trace of you. You sneaked away quietly and secretly. Cregan's eyebrows furrow.

"Papa, please, please. I promise I won't pet the dragon either. Just a quick look."

"My lady wife must go with you, Rickon. But she seems to have other things to do today. Another time."

Rickon's lower lip trembles slightly, but he knows better and doesn't burst into tears. The heir of Winterfell doesn't cry over such little things as a denied wish.

"What important things Lady Stark must have to do." Cregan is surprised by Dracy's bitter tone, but he pushes the thought away; perhaps he simply misunderstood her.

The Maester warned him that summer could soon be over. It has been summer for four years now. That means more work for Cregan as Warden of the North and Lord of Winterfell, he has to make sure that his people survive this winter, at least most of them. Winter demands his victims, every damn time. Cregan can only keep the losses as small as possible. So he sinks into paperwork and negotiations with the Lords of the North. Nobody wants to share supplies, everyone is afraid that there won't be enough for themselves. Cregan's tasks is it to find compromises. He would much rather spend his time with you, he longs for you, for your gentle smile, your kind words, the time you have spend together. He wonders if you miss him too?

He only ever gets brief glimpses of you, when you meet in the hallway you give him a smile, when he makes it to the hall for dinner you are usually already sitting there with Rickon, greet him friendly and assure him that you are happy to see him.

Cregan is on his way to a meeting with the carpenter. The houses in Winter Town need to be made winterproof and the villagers need his help. As he walks across the gallery that spans one of the courtyards of Winterfell, your laughter pulls him out of his stride. He stops immediately and turns his head towards the noise.

You and Rickon run across the courtyard, playing catch. His little boy jumps back and forth in front of you, laughing loudly. You let him win, pretending you have trouble catching him.

Lady Selina steps beside him. Her lips are drawn into a thin line.

"My Lord." she slightly bows her head before him and Cregan smiles faintly, he finds it hard to take his eyes off you and Rickon.

"What can I do for you?" he asks and hopes that it's nothing urgent. He's considering canceling the meeting and taking you and Rickon to the Goodswood instead, where you can spend time together as a family without being disturbed.

"I am worried, My Lord." now she has his full attention. His shoulders tense up.

"What happened?" Unrest among the lords, a fight? The servants usually know this things before he does.

Selina gives him a smile. "Nothing happen, My Lord."

He breathes a sigh of relief. "What troubles you then?" Cregan tries not to sound as annoyed as he is. Selina knows that he has a lot to do at the moment. Neverless for the sake of the love he had for his first wife, he always tries to be friendly, even though Selina can often be irritating. Sometimes she takes herself more important than she is, behaves like the Lady of Winterfell, and Cregan has had to remind her of her position more than once.

"It's your new wife, My Lord." she starts, her smile is friendly, doesn't really fit her tone. At the mention of you his heart beats faster, he just has to think of you and he feels like a little boy with a crush. Seeing you makes him float on cloud nine. Cregan turns back to the side and looks down at you again. The broad smile on his lips is unusual for the young Lord.

"We can be glad that she is here with us." his voice is gentle. He has to clear his throat and straightens his shoulders. He quickly slips back into his role as Lord Stark, not the lovesick idiot.

"Can we?" the sharp tone makes Cregans skin crawl. He furrows his eyebrows, turns around. Lady Selina does not flinch from his gaze, but straightens her shoulders. She is a northern woman, intimidation does not work on her. She is like him, hard as winter, unyielding as the wind.

"Is there something you wish to tell me, Lady Selina?"

"No, my Lord. It's just that I… we think that a southern girl might be too weak for the important task of being Lady of Winterfell." she chooses her words carefully, smiling. "I´m only thinking about Rickon and his upbringing. I want the best for him, you know that."

The mention of his son causes his anger at Lady Selina to evaporate. Of course she is only thinking of his son, she wants the best for him. Loves him like her own child.

"My wife is a princess, a Targaryen. She does her job well. Or have you heard something else?"

"No, of course not." Lady Selina lowers her head slightly, no longer looking at Cregan. "I'm just worried about Rickon."

"I really appreciate your concern and care for my son. But your doubts are unfounded. Now if you would excuse me."

"Of course, my Lord." She clenches her jaw and sinks into a curtsy. Cregan walks past her to finally meet the carpenter, he is already too late.

Negotiations with the lords are going badly, Cregan is buried in work and doesn't know what to do. The sun has long set but sleep does not come to him. Instead he sits by the fireplace in his chambers, the taste of beer on his lips and stares into the flames. He sighs. He needs help. Could you give him some advice? That would kill two birds with one stone, he could finally spend some time with you again and maybe find a solution. Without thinking twice he calls for his servant and sends for you.

It doesn't take long before you enter his chambers. You look around uncertainly, you have thrown a cloak over your nightgown, your long blonde hair falls loosely over your shoulders. You are sight for sore eyes.

"My Lord husband," you whisper, curtsying deeper than usual. You slowly take a few steps into the room and stop in the middle. You tremble slightly, your breathing is faster than usual and your hands fumble with the hem of your nightgown. "You ordered me into your bed." your voice trembles as you take a step towards his bed.

Cregans heart sinks, he is on his feet in a heartbeat. You flinch. "My sweet wife, no. I told you I would never do that." he says quickly. It was stupid of him, of course you would think he was ordering you into the marital bed.

"Oh I just thought. Because some time has passed since our wedding night. I thought you might be impatient."

"No. I just wanted to discuss something with you. Please sit down next to me." he points to the chair in front of the fireplace. The fire gives off pleasant heat, sweat forms on Cregan's forehead. However, you are shaking slightly. Cregan reaches for his cloak and puts it around your shoulders before sitting down himself again.

You smile. "Thank you husband." you whisper.

"I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. I just thought you might be able to offer me some advice."

You smile again and Cregan is happy about it. "I don't know if my advice is really useful."

He has to suppress a snort at your modesty. You handle your duties as Lady Stark flawlessly.

"I'm sure it is. And besides that, well." he interrupts himself, noticing the blush rising in his cheeks. "I've hardly had any time for you in the last few days. I'm sorry about that too. I wanted to spend time with you."

Your smile widens. "I've missed the time with you too." you whisper and Cregan's heart starts racing. You missed him. You shift back and forth, making yourself comfortable. "How can I help?"

He starts to describe the problems to you, the stubbornness of his lords, the lying about their supplies even though he knows full well that they have more than they admit. The arguments among themselves.

"Can't you force them to give up some of their stock?" you ask after listening carefully.

This time Cregan snorts, leans back a little in his chair. "And how am I supposed to do that?" Inciting Bannerman against Bannerman would only make things worse.

"Silverwing could help."

"No!" his tone is sharp, his voice too loud for the pleasant atmosphere. You flinch in shock, look at him with wide eyes before avoiding his gaze again.

You swallow. "I'm sorry. It was just an idea. My father always uses Caraxes to get his way." you whisper. Cregan leans forward, reaches for your hand. His heart stops while he waits to see if you pull your hand away. You don't, his fingers carefully wrap around yours.

"Using your Dragon would fulfill the purpose, but I don't want to intimidate my men with her. I don't want to rule with fire and blood."

You nod. "I understand. It was stupid of me."

"No." he shakes his head and gently strokes the back of your hand. "I just hope for a peaceful solution."

You straighten up a little. "Then let's look for a peaceful solution." You both start to brainstorm, but your conversation quickly drifts off. You talk about your childhood in Pentos, your days on Dragonstone and your siblings. Cregan manages to open up about his uncle, how he had to fight for his inheritance and for his rule.

It's good to be able to tell you all this, to have someone to confide in. Only when you yawn after every word and Cregan has trouble opening his eyes again after blinking do you decide to end the evening.

"I'm going back to my chambers then." you say and pull his cloak off your shoulders.

"I'll call a guard for you."

"No, please don't wake anyone up. I'll find the way myself," you say, but your look is uncertain. Cregan also has a bad feeling about letting you walk through half of Winterfell at night.

"Then I'll accompany you."

"Please, husband, don't make yourself so much trouble because of me. You're exhausted yourself and it's an unnecessary journey for you." you object.

Cregan looks at his bed, it's big enough for both of you. Arra has also spent most of her nights here.

"You could sleep here?" he suggests quietly. Your eyes dart to the bed and then to him. You swallow. "Not to fulfill your marital duties, just to sleep." Cregan quickly clarifies.

"What will people think?"

He has to suppress a laugh. "You're my wife, my lady. The people won't think anything."

Your cheeks turn slightly red again. "Right." you think for a moment and then pull your own cloak from your shoulders. Cregan has to look into the flames so that his gaze doesn't get stuck on the curves of your cleavage and he stares like an iron born. Only after you get comfortably under the furs and blankets of the bed he slips off his own clothes and lies down next to you, keeping a safe distance.

"Sleep well, sweet wife."

"Sleep well, husband."

When Cregan wakes up the next morning, you've already disappeared, but your side of the bed is still warm. He turns to the side, buries his face in your pillow and inhales your scent deeply. Cregan knows that you prefer to fly with Silverwing in the morning, so he doesn't worry.

He's tired, but he still throws himself into work.When he returns to his chambers late that evening, you are already sitting in the chair by the fireplace. You turn to him, your cheeks red, but you look him in the eyes. Your hands shake slightly as you hand him a cup of wine.

"I got it from Pentos. I told you about it yesterday." He nods. He's still surprised that you're sitting here, he can hardly believe it. Warmth flows through him and he can't wipe the smile from his lips. He slowly takes your wine and sits down opposite you. "We didn't find a solution to our problem with the Lords yesterday." if you plan to come to him in the evening until you've found a solution, he wish there wasn't one.

Three evenings later you are sleeping in his bed again, two weeks later you snuggle up in his arms before you go to sleep and in the morning you kiss his cheek before you set off to see your dragon. Cregan can hardly believe his luck. You open up a little more every day, now you reach for his hand yourself, brush strands of hair from his face, kiss his cheek, lean into his embrace.

But suddenly you start to close yourself off again. It started with you not waiting for him in his chambers one evening, you send a servant to excuse you for that night. He thought you might be sick. But you don't come the next day either, he doesn't see you all day. In the morning he sees Silverwing flying over Winterfell towards the south, the sun is already hanging low on the horizon in the evening when the dragon lands again in front of the castle gates. Cregan feels like you're slipping away from him again. His heart aches at the thought. Did he do something wrong? Was he rude to you without realizing it? Was the longed-for closeness you built up just in his head?

Neverless Cregan was able, or rather you were able, to settle the arguments between the Lords a little. From your place at the high table, you reminded them in a gentel voice that everyone only wanted the best for the North and how wonderful it is that the Northern Lords were fighting the winter together. A little lie that you told, a smile and even Lord Bolton's tense features softened. It's a step in the right direction.

You hardly give him a smile anymore. Cregan doesn't know what's wrong. He is frustrated and sad. In his mind he goes through every moment, looking to see if he has done something wrong. He doesn´t find an answer.

His steps lead him through the corridors of Winterfell, he wants to go to Rickon. Because of all the work and his spiraling thoughts about you, he hasn't visited his son much in the last few days.

He hears laughter from the nursery, recognizes Lady Selina and Lady Aly's voices. Without knocking, he opens the door. The two ladies flinch at their place in front of the fireplace, the conversation falls silent. They both jump up, curtsy briefly and greet him with a "My Lord Stark." Both Ladys exchange a nervous look, Creggan's stomach tightens. He has the feeling that something is wrong but he doesn´t know what it is.

"Papa." Rickon jumps up from the carpet, his toy dragon falls to the floor and he runs to him. Cregan bends down to his son and takes him in his arms.

"Leave us alone," he dismisses the ladies. He wants to spend a little time with his son, show him that he is important to him despite all the stress. Rickon should never think that his father doesn't love him. Alys and Selina leave the nursery. Cregan puts Rickon down again and sits down on the floor next to him. Rickon immediately has his toy figures in his hand again.

"Are you coming to play?" he asks and holds out the dragon figure to him, big eyes sparkle at him and a radiant smile is on his lips.

"Yes." Cregan answers and takes the dragon, it looks small in his hand.

"That's my favorite toy."

"Not the knight anymore?" Cregan laughs quietly.

"No, no." says Rickon in a serious voice, as if it were the most important thing in the world. "The dragon. It was a gift from my princess."

Now Cregan can't hold back his laughter. "Your princess?"

"Yes." Rickon nods.

"You mean my wife, my dear. You really like her a lot, don't you?"

"Yes, I like her a lot." suddenly his eyes turn sad and he rips the toy out of his father's hand, pressing it to his chest. Cregan frowns, wants to scold Rickon, but he is already speaking again. "But she doesn't like me anymore." his voice trembles. Cregan has to swallow at the sight, puts a hand on his son's shoulder.

"Why do you think that? She likes you a lot."

"But why doesn't she play with me anymore? She hardly ever comes to visit me. Only when the teacher is there. She doesn't want to play with me at all, she just wants to supervise my lessons." he sounds defiant, as only children can, and Cregan has to sigh. He doesn´t have a answer for his son.

Why are you behaving like this? You wanted to take care of him and you enjoyed it. You often told him how much you enjoyed spending time with his son, what a good boy he is. That you love him like he is your son. Cregan has a bad feeling. He knows that something is wrong, even if he can't quite put his finger on it.

The door opens and you step uncertainly into the room, your gaze wanders around the room and then stops at Cregan and Rickon. A radiant smile appears on your face.

"My Lord husband." you say and nod slightly. Cregan is glad that you have finally stopped curtsying to him. "I didn't know you were here." Is he imagining it or do you sound relieved? Cregan doesn't know how to react to you now. Lately you have been acting absent and distant, shy like at the beginning. At other times you grab his hand, lean on his arm or smile at him with sparkling eyes when he speaks. He can't figure you out. "Can I sit with you?" you whisper, tearing him out of his thoughts. He nods and you sink down onto the carpet next to him and Rickon. His son immediately demands your attention, happy that you want to spend time with him.

It takes a few moments, but then Cregan lets himself be lulled by the warm, happy atmosphere. In these moments he completely forgets the thought of you withdrawing from him again. The time with his family is good for him, that is exactly what he always wanted. A happy family, safe behind the walls of Winterfell.

However his little bubble of family happiness bursts just a few hours later when Lady Darcy enters.

"My Lord Stark." she curtsies to him. "I'm here to pick up Rickon for his bath."

"No, I don't want to!" Rickon calls out. A single stern look from Cregan is enough to silence him. He stands up and takes a few steps towards Darcy. "Can my princess take me to my bath?" he asks quietly. Darcy rolls his eyes, looks at you, just like Cregan. You look at Dracy and then shake your head.

"Go with Lady Darcy." you say quietly, is your voice shaking? Rickon doesn't contradict and follows the nursemaid out of the room. Cregan turns to you with a smile, maybe you two can finally spend a little time toghether again, but you don't meet his gaze. When he reaches for your hand, you pull it away and jump up.

"Excuse me." your voice is quiet and you storm out of the room. Were those tears in your eyes? Cregan shakes his head, no, that can't be. The light was probably just reflected. He sighs and tries to fight down his anger and hurt because of your rejection.

He paces back and forth in his chambers. You haven't shown up for your evening meeting again. What's keeping you away? He just has to talk to you, he wants to find out what is bothering you. Did he make a mistake? Worry spreads through him and he sets off to look for you. His steps quickly lead him up the many stairs to Lady Stark's chambers.

Your chambers lie deserted before him. Cregans heart sinks. Where are you? It's almost midnight. You should be here. Did something happen to you? He is looking around your chambers. The chambers of Lady Stark are traditionally located at the top of the North Tower. They are the warmest chambers in the castle. Perfect for a dragon like you. Sweat beads on Cregan's forehead, yet he searches the chambers for a clue.

He feels guilty about looking at your private things, but he has no choice. Maybe you are in danger. Nothing seems unusual. To be honest, he can't be sure, he is hardly ever in your chambers. It is your private area, but it seems as if you only have a few things here. That surprises Cregan a little.

He goes to your desk, it is covered with papers, scrolls and letters. He knows that you write a lot to your family, and that you receive a letter from at least one of your family members almost every week. Only your father doesn't write to you, you told him that.

His gaze flicks over the first line of the letter you had started.

Mother, please. It's so terrible here.

He reads the first words and his heart aches painfully. Is it his fault? Do you hate him?

My husband Cregan is everything I could wish for, kind, tender, and warm; he has such a big heart. I love him. But the problem are the maids of the late Lady Stak. I wrote to you that it doesn't seem like they like me. But now it's getting worse.

I tried to take care of Rickon. Just like you always took care of Baela, Rhena, and me. He is such a sweet boy. But the Ladies are so terribly mean. I know they were Lady Norrey's friends, but I don't understand how they can be so horrible. What did I do wrong? I don't understand how I could have upset them so much that they hate me.

They say terrible things to me, I don't want to repeat them. Even bad things about our family. The insults hurt so much. The worst thing is when they laugh at me. I feel so stupid when they do that.

I don't want Rickon to find out about this, so I stay away from him. It breaks my heart. I'm afraid to talk to Cregan. I don't want them to lose their last connection to Lady Arra.

Please, I can't take it anymore. I want to go home. Please let me come home.

On the pages, there are small dark spots where your tears have dripped onto the paper and smudged the ink.

Why didn't you tell him anything? Guilt overcomes him. He should have known, he should have noticed something.

Hot anger towards the Ladies rises within him. He would love to have them all executed.

A growl catches his attention. With two steps, he is at the window. The full moon illuminates the night outside, the snow reflects the light. He sees a slender figure walking across the fields outside the Keep. Silverswing's massive body rises from the snow as you run towards your dragon.

Cregan whirls around and sprints down the stairs. Fear and worry burn in his heart. He pushes the door outward a little too hard. The wood creaks as it slams against the stone walls. Every breath burns in his lungs as he inhales the cold air. Nevertheless, his steps do not slow down.

Silverwing whirls her head around before you notice him. At the sudden movement, you slip and one of the bags you were just about to attach to the saddle falls from your hand. A few of your clothes fall into the snow. Cregan realizes that you really were about to run away. Run away from him. His heart hurts by this thought. The next moment he remembers himself that you are not running away because of him.

He calls your name. You whirl around, your look like a startled deer.

"Cregan." you whisper. He recognizes tears in your eyes, tear stains on your cheeks, your eyes are slightly red

"What are you doing?" he asks, while he tries to catch his breath. Cregan tries to let his voice sound as soft as possible, you already look like you will faint for fear every moment.

"I wanted to visit Silverwing," you lie, your hands cramps around the leather of the saddle. Silverwing lets out a growl. Cregan needs all his strength not to jump back in fright.

"Please come down." he almost begs, he stands much too close to the dragon for his liking. Silverwing is very gentle. You once told him that. Nevertheless, the hundred-year-old monster can swallow him in one gulp.

You hesitate. "Go back inside," you say then, but you don't look at him.

"No." his voice is firm now. "Either you come down voluntarily or I'll come up and get you." it's not a bluff, if he has to he'll climb on that dragon to get you down. Even if Silverwing will probably tear him into pieces before he even gets close to you.

Silverwing stretches out her wing, the claws on her forefoot digging into the snow just a few steps in front of him. Is that a threat? You look at your dragon, then swing to the side and slide down the wing. Without thinking, Cregan moves closer and catches you. You wrap your arms around him and he pulls you closer to him. Warm tears drip onto the skin at the crook of his neck. You sob, take a breath and try to say something, but only another desperate sound comes from your throat.

"I found your letter to the Queen." he admits. You tense up, wanting to pull away from him, but Cregan holds you tight. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want you to be angry."

Oh he is angry, but not at you. He would love to cut off the ladies' heads, but women are not executed in the North. The North is still a place of honor.

Now he lets go of you, pushes away slightly to look you in the face. He carefully wipes the tears from your cheek. You lean into his touch, sighs quietly and closes your eyes. Cregan leans forward and kisses your forehead.

"What did they say to you?" he then whispers.

You swallow, open your eyes before you start to speak. "At first it was just little taunts. But over time it got worse and worse. They said I would ruin the North, that many people would die next winter because of my stupidity." the tears come back to you eyes and you have to sob. Cregan pulls you into his arms again, strokes your hair as you bury your face in his chest.

"Those are lies. You did nothing wrong. On the contrary, you are a great Lady Stark."

"But that wasn't even the worst part. They also said that I am not good enough for you. That you only put up with me because you were forced to marry me. They said that you will never love me and that there is only room in your heart for Lady Arra, that she is your first and only love and I am just an intruder."

Cregan's heart breaks, he knows that you took the Nursemaids at their word. Again he pushes you away, carefully puts his hand under your chin and forces you to look at him.

"Those are lies too. Yes, I loved Arra. But that doesn't mean that I can't love you. You are not an intruder. I want you here with me."

Tears well up in your eyes again. "What about the Ladies?" you ask quietly, but keep eye contact.

"I will throw all three of them out first thing tomorrow morning. Let the Others get them, I don't care. Maybe Silverwing wants a little snack."

The dragon lowers its head to you, looks at Cregan as if she agrees.

"Rickon needs them."

"No. Rickon only needs me and you, his family." Cregan insists. His son will cope with the loss, he is sure of that.

"I would like to be your family."

Cregan has to smile at your words. "I love you, sweet wife." he whispers. Your lips open slightly as you look at him in surprise. Then you stand on your tiptoes and kiss him gently. His heart almost burst, butterflies explode in his stomach and despite the cold night he feels warm.

You sink back on your feet, your cheeks are red, but you smile. Silverwing blows hot air from her nostrils towards Cregan, he flinches back and you giggle.

"That means she likes you."

"And what about you? Do you like me too?" he asks, his lips twisting into a grin.

"I thought you read my letter to Rhaenyra." you say, also grinning."

Please say it anyway."

"I love you, my sweet husband." Cregan leans down and seals your lips with a kiss.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

One thing that irks me when playing the game is how silver’s sleeping disorder is reacted to by the other characters, especially the teachers. I mean like, I get on some level that they’re all based on villains so they’re not going to be the nicest, but you’re telling me you see a kid just passing out out of nowhere constantly and the first thing they do is say that he’s lazy and berate him for something he obviously can’t control? Even if his condition isn’t a medical one like narcolepsy and is part of his curse/blessing, it’s still debilitating and affects his daily life. I don’t expect twisted wonderland to have like, disability protection but give the kid a break man he’s trying his best 😭. It also bothers me when other students are like “yeah man I get it schools boring I get sleepy too”. Like, yall have seen him suddenly fall asleep standing up and in random places on campus, it is so obviously not the same thing! And then Silver apologizes for it like every time! no! stop it! don’t apologize for something you literally can’t control

Sorry for the rant. It’s just been something bugging me because its so similar to how real world disabilities that aren’t physical are often brushed over by people and it gets me feeling heated 😭

Oooh, that's an interesting analogy 🤔

Before I talk more on the topic, I want to open with a few disclaimers: I will be discussing various characters’ reactions to Silver’s blessing/curse-induced narcolepsy (for lack of a better term), which may parallel real-life reactionary behaviors related to persons with disabilities or disorders. Know what you are reading, and please skip this post if you do not feel emotionally equipped to take it in.

Additionally, I want to make it clear that I am NOT defending any of those behaviors in this post. I will be attempting to offer in-universe explanations, NOT excuses, for why characters may act the way they do in regard to Silver’s condition. This doesn’t make the behavior any less unacceptable.

That’s all! If you’re all set, feel free to proceed below the cut.

I think, from the perspective of the students, it may be difficult to know what's going on with Silver?? Of course, that doesn't make their reactions or their behavior okay, but it's more understandable where they're coming from. Many young adults (unfortunately) aren't educated on and don't have experience/knowledge of how to handle situations where a peer displays abnormal behaviors. This may be especially true at Night Raven College, where the students are described to be very prideful and primarily concerned with themselves, or, if they help at all, they expect something in return. Many of Silver's classmates may not know him on a personal enough level to be familiar with his affliction or care enough to intervene if he falls asleep standing up. I doubt that most students at NRC would think of a peer beyond how they initially present, much less even consider factors beyond their control.

Additionally, others may not feel a need to step in due to the "bystander effect", a psychological phenomenon in which people are less likely to offer aid if there are others present. The theory goes that everyone just assumes someone else will do something about the situation, which has the unintended result of no one doing anything. Since Silver often falls asleep in public places, this could, in part, explain why so few bother helping.

I guess another component of it could be that some of his peers have simply gotten used to it by now?? (Several characters, even first years like Ortho, indicate that they anticipate he will fall asleep like 80% of the time.) Silver's a second year, so maybe NRC students did notice and attempt to assist in the first year, only to become annoyed with it when the symptoms persisted and so it could have led to peers thinking it's a "normal" thing for him.

I get the sense that Silver doesn't exactly go around telling everyone and anyone about his condition in detail (not that he has to, but I'd imagine that this lack of communication probably doesn't help his classmates' perception of him). He tends to describe his condition as "a personal problem" or blames himself or a lack of diligence for his symptoms. And honestly, I don't blame him for that; he didn't learn about the origins of his curse until book 7, and no doctor Lilia took him to could help. What else could Silver feasibly believe when all else fails? It must be his own doing. Silver has numerous voice lines apologizing for dozing off again and actively seeks out ways to "correct" or counteract his sleepiness. When this is how one presents their own condition, it may naturally cause those around him to believe that the sleepiness is "his fault"/due to his own actions. "Maybe he stayed up late last night," Ruggie suggests. Even Kalim, someone I'd consider Silver's friend, makes similar assumptions.

I will say that not every character is rude to Silver about his sleepiness. Vil might berate Silver for "playing the part of a sleeping princess" and Floyd might tell him, "People walk here. Find someplace else to snooze," but Ruggie appears to show some concern/shock for Silver when he shows up in the school store barely being able to stand, Jade tries to wake him up gently, etc. I'm not sure if the writing being inconsistent here was on accident or not, but I do think that some of the... less than desirable... behaviors may be because the narrative treats Silver's condition like a charm point most of the time. Like... Silver's sleepiness is often used to "sell" his appeal to fans ("Look at how cute he is! Eepy boi!"), or used for comedy in-universe (like when he uses Sebek as a pillow or when Silver blatantly falls asleep in a conversation or in the middle of an important event like the race in White Rabbit Fest). Because of this, rarely is his condition actually treated with the seriousness it would get if this were a real-world disability.

I think there’s a debate to be had about these kinds of impolite comments coming from Sebek though. Sebek is Silver’s childhood friend, so Sebek must be accustomed to the narcolepsy at this point and we’d normally expect him to be most sympathetic about it. But nope, Sebek actually frequently criticizes Silver for letting his sleepiness get the better of him. The majority of other students’ harsh comments towards Silver actually come from Sebek. He drops lines like:

“Don't you dare tell me you're falling asleep again, Silver!”

“His blatant snoring is infuriating.”

“Wake up, Silver! You're blocking Malleus's path! It's absolutely disrespectful!”

“If you don't cease at once, I'm leaving you on the side of the walkway!”

“It’s not as if you've been enchanted by a fairy. You’re just lazy!”

This all sounds horrible and mean, doesn't it? And they definitely are. But hold on! Sebek also says things like, "You're nodding off while walking AGAIN? A proper retainer of Malleus should hold his head high! High, you hear me?!” and, “Please, don't [volunteer yourself for this task]. You'll just end up nodding off. You must accept this is beyond your capabilities and let it go.” The former can be seen as telling Silver to do his best as Malleus's retainer and the latter is advising Silver to back down rather than push himself past his limits. That's not just me being optimistic or giving Sebek the benefit of the doubt just because he's a character I happen to like--Sebek has a known history of phrasing compliments and encouragement in a very rude manner. It's a trait of his that earns him endless ire, and something that Silver often finds himself apologizing to others for. Sebek is also a person who values constant self-improvement both in himself and in others; his cold attitude towards even his childhood friend can be interpreted as his own way of wanting Silver to do his best in spite of his condition. This… isn’t always a good thing though, as this thinking is ultimately ableist and runs the risk of pushing people—himself included—into dangerous situations that may out their wellbeing at risk.

This isn't to defend every single thing Sebek says about Silver's condition though; some of them are definitely too much, even if Sebek is granted as much leniency as possible. Do his comments come off as ableist? Absolutely. Is it his intention to be ableist? I don’t believe so—but that doesn’t negate the fact that his words are needlessly cruel, even if Silver doesn’t perceive it as such or take offense to it. Oftentimes Silver agrees with Sebek’s assessment, which again loops us back to how he already blames himself for his state and could parallel real world disabled peoples’ guilt and shame for just… being the way they are. Us, as the outside onlookers, are of course more likely to perceive Sebek’s words as rude because we’re projecting our own experiences onto what we’re seeing. Of course we don’t want to see a friend saying these awful things to another friend—but between Silver and Sebek, they seem to be mutually okay with this dynamic of pushing one another to “be better”.

I understand that it can be frustrating watching Silver have to say sorry for something that he can't control, but this is most likely a deliberate writing choice for his character arc—and depicting that flaw isn’t bad in a vacuum. Silver is someone who struggles with his self-worth, something we very much see come into fruition in book 7. He worries that he's not doing enough to "repay" his father back, and that it will be too late for him once Lilia departs from NRC. Silver frequently apologizing for his "shortcomings" (ie his constant drowsiness) is probably an extension of that lack of self-worth. He blames himself for his lack of alertness and actively tries to "be better" for a reason. It feeds into the ever-so-ironic cycle of "Silver is sleepy" -> "Silver thinks he must work hard to not inconvenience his loved ones and prove his worth to Lilia" -> "Lilia loves him anyway and he just doesn't realize it yet". (The whole reason Silver is even here right now is because of Lilia's love for him; he would still be sleeping were it not for Lilia.) Perhaps they'll be able to formally reunite in the waking world and wrap up this arc with a neat little bow... with his father telling Silver that yes, he is enough as he is now. Maybe Lilia will even say something along the lines of, "Never apologize for what--or who--you are, Silver. You're my son, after all! You should be proud of that."

This makes me wonder if Silver’s curse will ultimately be lifted in the end or if it will persist…? Because if it does get lifted, then it loses some of its strength as a parallel to irl conditions (since some don’t just poof away). Within the meta of the game, Silver then also loses some of his “appeal”, since sleepiness is a cute trait associated with him. I can see why it would happen from a narrative perspective though—ridding him of the sleepiness could be the ultimate “proof” of Lilia being able to truly love him, which is the condition the blessing requires to be dispelled

What really baffles me, however, is how some teachers are depicted interacting with Silver. The asshole students of NRC, okay. I'd believe they'd be callous towards one of the few nice guys at school dozing off. BUT THE TEACHERS????? 💀 Usually it's not that bad (they tell Silver to keep his eyes open or to wake up), but MAN. In Silver's Labwear vignettes, Crewel berates him for nodding off in class again, grants him a makeup assignment, and says, "If you like sleeping so much, [formulating a sleeping potion] should be right up your alley." He even withholds Silver's credit for Potionology until he receives that sleeping potion. Crewel also berates and punishes Silver in other instances, such as his Dorm Uniform vignettes: "Naughty pup. You think you can sleep through my lesson? [...] What a quick apology. Are you actually sorry? [...] You don't look remorseful to me. Hmph. As punishment, you must collect the reports everyone is turning in at the end of class. Do not miss a single one, and you are to bring them straight to me. Is that clear?" It feels a little… much, especially considering that it’s not like Silver chose to fall asleep midclass, especially as a second year. Then again, Crewel probably doesn’t know about Silver’s condition either so he most likely attributes the behavior to laziness, as Silver does himself. I’d say that Crewel should still at least know a little better as an adult but 💀 many adults have no clue themselves, especially without a formal diagnosis.

Does NRC not have a, like... Disability and Accessibility Center to coordinate with teachers and give certain students assignment/exam extensions??? Therapy, healing potions, and medical mages + regular doctors and dentists exist in this world, so why wouldn't they also have disability support??? 😭 That seems like a HUGE oversight to me. (Get on that, Crowley/j) In all seriousness though, this may be the result of differences in culture?? It might be expected in western countries to have some disability accommodations, but from what I understand, there’s a loooot more stigma in Japan so these services may be lacking (not to day that western countries have perfect accommodations though). Yes, NRC is based on a British boarding school, but ultimately the game is Japanese in origin and therefore might be running off of Japanese notions of what constitutes as “appropriate” support for the disabled. (The way seating in classes are arranged in-game already derive from Japanese schools; alphabetically by last name.) Maybe that’s why Crewel didn’t seem to be willing to make exceptions for Silver…? But even so, this could mirror how western societies also have trouble identifying and adjusting to those with disabilities. It can be hard to get treatment or even mindfulness from peers, especially if you don't have a formal diagnosis (which is the case for Silver; no medical mage knows what's up with him).

Those are my thoughts on the topic ^^ Again, I completely get why seeing the staff and students reacting this way to Silver’s condition makes you (and others, I’m sure) upset. There’s many uncomfortable parallels with how people irl are insensitive to “invisible” disabilities or disabilities in general. It also doesn’t help that Twst tries to both present the condition as a serious matter while also using it for comedy and marketing as Silver’s major “cute quirk”. Getting mixed signals here!!

I hope that this was at least able to grant you some new perspective about why the characters behave as they do. Some of it does seem to be the devs struggling to balance the tone of the stories they want to tell, but some of it also feels like intentional characterization (whether of individuals or of a certain dynamic between a duo) or setting up for an arc.

It would be interesting if we got an event where we explored more of the health industry and attitudes about like… magic-induced conditions, illnesses, etc. Silver is one obvious case of this, but we also know medical mages are A Thing. I’d love to learn more about these!

[7seas-of-ryy]

Crestfallen - Part 5

Author’s Note: My plans got canceled last night so I ended up finishing this part earlier than expected!! Part 6 has already been started and will hopefully be out within the next 2 days! :)

Overall Summary: Although you were born in the Day Court, you've been living in the Night Court for a century. You're close with the inner circle but what will happen when a new healer is brought into the picture?

Part 5 Summary: After waking up, your fight has only just begun.

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Warnings: talks of injuries

"I need Rhys or Feyre." You blurted.

Azriel just stared at you, looking confused yet relieved.

"Now!" You demanded once you noticed he wasn't moving.

His shadows swallowed him up taking him to find either of the two.

Feyre winnowed in with Az within moments, Rhys showing up separately quick after.

"Look in my mind" You panted, still out of breath feeling the new power thrumming through you.

Your High Lady and High Lord both looked in your mind as you replayed for them all you had been through. They saw how you were awake and felt everything. They saw how vulnerable and weak you felt. And they saw the mystery inside of you was definitely a new power.

"What was it, what power was that? I've never seen it before." Feyre muttered, confused at everything that was going on.

She was away meeting with a few other courts, Rhys had spoken to her letting her know what was going on and she came back right away. Thinking you were still unconscious, she began helping her mate research instead of visiting you. They were both holed up in the library when Az appeared bringing them here.

"I'm not sure. I can feel it but I can't access it, can't control it." You mumbled.

Az stood behind both Rhys and Feyre, watching you as if he'd seen a ghost. You noticed his staring and gave him a questioning look. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"You're awake." He stated simply.

Feyre, Rhys and you all shared a look with each other.

"It's just...you were unconscious minutes ago and Madja said we would need to figure out a treatment. And now you just...sat up and are talking to us like normal?" He elaborated.

"I don't really understand it either but I do know I was awake the entire time. I felt your shadows in my mind, I knew you were there." You uttered, "But I am still very confused on a ton of things as well."

"It was Clara.." Az mumbled.

More memories came flooding back to you. Everything Clara did replayed in your mind. You remembered the powder she blew in your face and most of all, you remembered how Az didn't believe you.

"We learned she wasn't trying to kill you. She was trying to make you sick to impress Az by helping you and making you better again." Rhys informed you.

"Oh that makes it all better, she didn't mean to almost end my life, just harm me severely. I suppose I should forgive her and pretend everything is fine." You snarled.

"I didn't say that. Cassian and Nesta are handling it right now. She will be held in the dungeon until she has served her time." Rhys told you with an understanding voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just overwhelmed right now." You apologized.

Rhys gave you a small smile and a nod, he didn't hold it against you. Feyre put her hand on your shoulder to show you she was there for you.

The pair were already thinking about this newfound power you held. They needed to make sure you were 100% alright and inform Madja about what had happened. They let you know what they were going to do and winnowed away to find the healer.

"I'm so glad you're alright. You have no idea how terrified I-" Az started to tell you.

"I have no idea how terrified you were? I was being poisoned, felt my powers draining and I told you. I told you and you didn't believe me. Do you know how scared and alone I felt?" You cut him off, "No you have no idea. I felt strands of my soul being plucked apart, venom being torn out of my very being because of her...and you...you told me my mind was playing tricks on me."

You finished your short rant with a sob, tears started to flood your face.

"I will never be able to make this up to you but I swear on my life that I will never stop trying. I am so terribly sorry for not believing you." He sobbed.

"No. I needed help, I needed you and you ignored me. Made me feel crazy. You do realize you held me down while she cut me open. I bit down on your belt while she sliced me with her blade." You cried.

Azriel was now on his knees next to the bed. His own tears matching yours, although he was not crying for himself. No, he was crying for you. Minutes past, the only sound in the room was the combination of your sobs, like a symphony of sorrows.

You sniffled, willing your tears to dry.

"You chose someone you've known for 2 weeks over someone you've known for 100 years," you croaked out, "and for that, I do not know if I can ever forgive you."

Azriel looked up into your eyes, truly realizing the extent of what he had done when the door suddenly shot open. Mor stood there looking frantic.

"There's a terrible storm outside right now. We need to take cover. The wards that are protecting this house should keep us safe but I don't want to risk anything with Y/N right now." She warned us.

"A storm?" Your confusion was evident on your face.

"Yes. Rain, thunder, lightning, tornadoes, the whole nine yards." She confirmed as she worked quickly to gather things you might need.

You tried to move from the bed but your wounds were deeper than skin level. Your soul had been wounded.

"I don't think I can move." You faltered.

"I got you." Az offered, starting to pick you up.

Quickly you flinched away from him, not wanting to be near him. There was a loud boom of thunder and you could hear the wind picking up. After hesitating a few seconds, you let him carry you out of there to a safer room with less windows.

The three of you made your way to a room downstairs and Az placed you on a couch nearby. Anxiety began to quickly consume your mind and Mor must have sensed it.

"Hey, don't worry. There's never been a storm that destroyed this house. The wards were placed by Rhys himself so we should be ok. This is just an extra safety precaution." Mor said with certainty.

You didn't think it was possible but after a couple minutes the storm seemed to pick up even more. The wind outside was so loud now you couldn't hear yourself think.

Mor sat on the floor next to you with her arm protectively over you. A loud crash could be heard and the sound of glass breaking was too close for comfort. The look on Mor's face did nothing to bring you solace.

Realization that they had never seem a storm like this hit and Az wrapped his arms around you and Mor, stretching his wings to surround the three of you.

It only lasted a couple minutes longer, then you could hear it starting to settle. Once it sounded like it was over completely, he withdrew his wings and the three of you looked around. The room you were in was untouched but you needed to check everywhere else.

"I need to go make sure everything is alright." Azriel stated.

"I'll stay here with Y/N and try to contact Rhys and Feyre." Mor told the male.

He gave her a nod and winnowed away.

"I've never seen anything like that. I can't imagine how hard the town was hit, I hope everyone is ok." Mor mumbled.

You felt what could only be described as waves going through your body. Unsure if it was anxiety or your power, you tried to calm it. Hours later, the feeling was still there and no one had shown up yet.

"I'm getting a little worried, no one is responding to me." Mor told you.

"I'll be fine, you can go find them." You reassured her.

Giving you a quick hug, she took off in search of your friends and family. She was only gone for about a half hour when she returned, her face pale.

Rhys, Feyre, and Madja were with her as well.

"Is everyone ok?" You asked hurriedly.

"Everyone is fine." Feyre whispered.

"That's a relief..." You trailed off seeing the looks on their faces.

"We need you to listen to what we say and understand that is doesn't change anything. None of us are hurt, Cass and Nesta are fine. Everything is ok." Rhys spoke calmly.

"If that's the case, why are you guys looking at me like that?" You questioned.

The four of them shared looks with each other and Feyre kneeled down next to the couch you were laying on.

"We think the storm might have been...you." She carefully informed you.

"What??" You breathed.

"We think your new power is somehow connected to the weather. Rhys noticed it first, there's no other way to explain it besides the wind felt like you. We all know you didn't do anything on purpose." Feyre continued to explain to you with a soothing voice.

"I did that?" You spoke in disbelief.

Mor tapped Rhys and looked around. They could feel the electricity in the air, another storm. This time, likely caused by the news you were recieving. They knew they needed to act fast.

"We know it's new and you can't control it. Please let me subdue your mind right now while we figure it out. If you unleash another storm, the consequences might be too severe." Rhys told you, tears forming in his eyes at seeing his friend go through this.

You agreed right away, nodding your head yes. You couldn't bare causing any more damage. Rhys gave you a small, sad smile and you could feel him at the gate in your mind, asking to be let in even though you just gave him permission.

"We will be right by your side the entire time." Feyre whispered to you.

You opened the gate for Rhys and sleep quickly took over. As soon as they were certain your mind was subdued, Mor spoke up.

"You can come out now." She announced.

Azriel walked out from his hiding place behind the door.

"I still don't agree with this." He mumbled.

"You saw what happened the last time she spoke to you. If she saw you, another storm would have been imminent." Rhys hissed at his brother.

"No I mean, I don't agree with keeping it from her. She deserved to know the truth." He retorted.

"The truth," Rhys huffed a laugh, "You think it would've been smart to tell her what actually happened? That the storm she caused destroyed many homes in town, injured over 20 civilians, and killed two of them? She's been through enough. She didn't need to hear that even if it wouldn't have caused another storm."

Azriel looked down at his shoes, guilty and crestfallen.

"We need to get to work right away. Create some kind of ward or contraption that can contain her power when we wake her up." The Night Court High Lord informed the group.

"I think I can help with that." A voice spoke suddenly from behind all of them.

They all turned to see Helion, the High Lord of the Day Court standing there.

"You know I love to make a grand entrance." He spoke with a grin.

Taglist

@rcarbo1 @acourtofbatboydreams @bravo-delta-eccho @tele86 @theravenphoenix26

@anoneyesee @ren-ni @kabekusa @isa1b2h3 @i-am-infinite

@historygeekqueen @mariahoedt @fr0stf4ll @chelsiemp @romantasyreader28

@kissesfromnovalie @plants-w0rld @halo-mystic @bookishbishhh

[xxacidnekoxx]

There are things that will immediately make me start dissociating and I will leave the conversation if it's brought up to me because I do get triggered especially if things are brought up to me in one-on one conversations because I feel like a responsibility is being pushed on me

I don't like it people trauma dump to me especially about family things that's probably confusing because I always tell people to talk about their trauma but when I say "talk about your trauma" I never mean specifically to me I mean. Make art and stories about it. I don't like to have those kind of conversations one on one I will not respond like a therapist I will get really triggered

I don't like to be talked about substance dependency especially if it's methamphetamine or alcohol related I don't even want to hear about Adderall prescriptions I cant help it I will start dissociating

I don't want to talk about the voices that you hear in your head. I'm sorry if you have something going on mental health wise I really am. I don't know how to respond to that especially if talking to me one on one. I don't know what to do with this information

I don't want to hear about your church I don't want to hear about your priest I will most likely block you if you mention it

I don't want to talk about anything superstitious please. I don't think things have bad luck or good luck I don't think fairies are real I don't think ghosts are real so please dont expect me to feed into that normally with this stuff I'll just call it out and not make a big deal of it

I feel like I have been often mischaracterized and people come to me with expectations that I act a certain way and end up disappointed ..and that's why I am saying this honestly I don't know how people perceive me but there are other people who are probably better for those types of conversations

Anyway the things that I actually like talking about are things like making art , writing and playing video games. I like talking about pets and biology and I like talking about YouTube videos I like to talk about fantasy world building and game dev and I like music and movies recommendations. I like to talk about consciousness and I like to talk about party planning or bartending

[pigeonentity]

i havent actually tried writing anything for this yet, i dont normally write characters younger than how old they are in canon but i can give it a shot

"My father said we shouldn't do this anymore," says Felix, holding the door open with a foot. "Maybe some other time?"

"You're just scared," Chloe tells him, pushing him in.

"My aunt doesn't like it either," he tries. "I don't want to insult her by lying to her again."

He hopes that one works, that he hasn't misjudged the relationship between Emilie and Chloe. Chloe's hard to talk to, bossy and burning behind the eyes, but his father wants them to get along, so he can't snap, can't refuse without an excuse, can't just walk away.

Still, he can't tell her that he's not scared. That he's stuck.

"You're lying," she says. "She told me it was funny. Besides, she can always tell you and Adrikins apart."

"I can't do this. I'm sorry, Chloe."

"But you always swap! You said you would!"

Adrien takes the door from him and locks it. He grips the handle against the banging on the other side.

"I hope she's not too disappointed."

"She'll be alright," says Felix, sitting on the bed. "What about you?"

"I get it. I can't disobey my father either."

"But you lost your chance to escape the city! You could have gotten away from your work for a bit. Maybe we could have pulled it off for good this time-- you could have run away once you got to London, and gone to school. You could have been a normal kid."

Adrien kicks his clothes across the floor. "Thanks."

"You shouldn't do that," he blurts. "You'll get them dirty."

Knock some sense into your cousin, won't you? Gabriel doesn't keep a tight enough leash on him.

Adrien glares at him. Felix tries to apologise, but his mouth won't open. He chokes on the word invisibly.

"Why didn't you visit last year?" asks Adrien.

"Father said we couldn't. I wanted to come."

"I hate him."

"Don't say that." Felix's fingers twitch. "He's your uncle."

Adrien groans, and flops down beside him.

"Chloe says you're worse than me about rules."

"Our parents just have a lot of expectations," says Felix. "She has too much freedom."

"She's our friend."

"She's your friend."

"But she's right. I love my father and my mum, but I wish they let me do things."

Knock some sense into your cousin.

Felix sees blood on his hands and flinches from it.

"Please don't say that."

"You know what I mean. You wanted to help me, you said you wanted to help me."

"I have to go."

Knock some sense.

"Felix, wait, you just got here--"

He unlocks the door.

"I don't want to wait another year to see you," Adrien tells him. "I'm sorry, I-"

He pushes past Chloe, who yells at him faster than he can catch. The corridors blur as he walks. He strides out the front door and is caught by a heavy hand on his shoulder.

He stops.

"It's time to go."

He exhales. There are twenty-one windows on Chloe's hotel that he can see from here. Nobody looks through them.

"Yes, Father."

"Did you enjoy seeing your cousin?"

"Yes, Father."

He sits in the car and stares forward, hands in his lap. He doesn't blink.

i think everyone saying 'felix hasnt been himself since his father died' when we first meet him is devastating

'hasnt been himself' he finally is himself, is his own. he isnt recognisable as the felix you knew, the felix his father could control?

how many orders had he given him?

[angiethewitch]

things I did thinking I was being spiritual but it was actually a severe psychotic episode

to preface i am a pagan but let's be honest here this was straight up a mental health crisis

okay let's go

convinced myself there was a very angry poltergeist in my loft after I found out there was an old bed frame up there and it needed my help to move on but instead I threw salt up there and refused to let anyone walk underneath the loft opening

decided I had mastered the art of astral projection and I was travelling to astral planes and I could fly around the world while I was actually just lying there vividly hallucinating

straight up told people that my spiritual guides were gonna kill them like how did I expect them to do anything but laugh in my face

blood magic. like really dangerous stuff. thought I could bring my dead mother back to life by exchanging my life force for her own. hello?

vividly hallucinated my dead mother talking to me and fully believed she was a trapped spirit but nobody else could hear her and it was up to me to save her. all through her funeral she talked to me, she spoke to me for months. took me nearly a year to start dealing with her death and actually begin the grieving process

decided my husband was cursed and made him stand in the kitchen while I walked in a circle around him boiling herbs. poor bloke has dealt with so much

became convinced if I could just cast the right glamour spell at the right time I could breathe underwater and tested this out in the ocean like a very normal and sane individual

thought the wind was actually terrible forces speaking to me and delivering messages just for me so I became terrified of wind because I would have to sit outside and decipher the words that were clearly just for me

sewed a load of crystals onto a t shirt to protect myself from bad energies and called myself "the high priestess" and got very upset when people couldn't understand my power

understood that my cat was not actually a cat and was in fact the spirit of a 2500 year old druid priest sent to guide me in the form of a cat. Still called him Jinx though

started a journal where I detailed all the signs that the end of the world was coming

Read online that the colour red means angry so I desperately avoided the colour red because that meant the world was angry with me

tried to summon satan to terrorise my neighbour who was mean to me and fully believed it would work

decided I was immortal and imbued with the powers of ancient gods which led to some very risky and dangerous situations which I will obviously not detail here

there are many more examples but these are the most ridiculous ones

if you followed me for the witchcraft posts, im sorry. ive had to take a step back from it all for the sake of my own mental wellbeing. spirituality is a huge trigger for me. I tried practicing in moderation, I tried practicing just a little, but it is too much now. I had to unfollow a lot of witchcraft blogs because 1) they all seemed to collectively devolve into conspiracy theories and 2) i had to remove myself from the online witchcraft space. if you were wondering why I don't post about witchcraft anymore, this is why. I barely practice anymore, and when I do, I keep it private so im not encouraged by online validation.

please practice safely. always consider the mundane explanations first.

[skele-bunny]

Just.......

I'm thinking about emotional support assigned ghouls again but specifically Dewdrop and Mountain and their relationship in the beginning.

Mountain came out kicking. Literally. Pissed off, teeth showing, not able to stand straight from how dizzy he was from the summoning portal. Immediately perceiving everyone in the room as a threat, all until that little fish stepped forwards. One that smelled of his home and similarly of his adoptive packs, their hands clasped together at their chest before slowly reaching forwards to take his hand.

Watching as he goes to his knees, big hands grabbing their hips, anger turning to confusion and curiosity as he tries to think if he's ever seen this freshwater before. Doesn't ring a bell but... They remind him of home. Bringing them closer, leaning over their head to lowly growl at the others who are watching.

"Shh... You're safe here." The water moving a little back and cupping a furry face. "Nothing will hurt you here. Or me. You understand, don't you?" In their shared tongue.

Dewdrop. His fish's name was Dewdrop.

Sitting in a much too small tub, fur and suds covering Mountain's line of sight but he's compliant and quiet as he feels Dewdrop scrubbing at him, softly singing to keep him calm and reassure. Eventually Mountain pulls him in and returns the favor, smiling as Dew starts purring and leans against wet fur to look up at him.

Mountain braiding Dew's hair, tail wagging as he gets to share something so intimate with him.

"—And this one is called a burger!" Dew's smiling so wide as he shows off what he got from the cafeteria for Mountain. "I didn't really know what your appetite is, or what you like, so I got one of everything. Is it okay?"

Mountain tilting his head, sniffing at each one before he looks at Dew and points at him. "Food."

"H-Huh?"

"Your food."

See, Dewdrop heard it as "you're food", face getting red and stiffening. Mountain just even more confused bc ??? "Fish? No?"

"Wait- Oh- OH!" Dew busting into laughter at his own mistake. "You're pescatarian? A water ghoul diet?"

"Yes."

"See, that makes SO much more sense." Dew taking the tray and leaving. "I'll be right back- with the right stuff this time!"

Mountain huffing as he's alone again, antsy once more as he wants to follow but he's still in a quarantine. Eventually Dew comes back and they end up sharing an overflowing tray of fish and sushi together.

"It's wasabi... It's hot..."

Bro starts coughing almost INSTANTLY and Dew's patting his back as much as he can wjkekd.

They're showering together, Mountain looking down and rumbling a bit as he gently scratches Dew's scalp. Looks up at him and smiles, tail ruffling and leaning back, hand touching his upper thigh. It was just a normal bodily response as Mountain got hard, fingers lightly trailing to Dew's jaw and admiring. Letting out a confused whine as Dew turned and got to his knees, a bit of nervousness over his body language and expression.

"I, uhm... I haven't had sex with an earth ghoul in a really long time. You have to go gentle with me, okay?"

Dew gets closer only to squeak as Mountain crouches down, frowning and poking Dew's forehead. "No. We're not having sex and you don't have to do that. I apologize. I'm not aroused. You just brushed on a sensitive spot."

He can see the little glint of a realized pain in Dew's eyes before nodding slowly. He's picked up and held tight in a hug. Mountain truly doesn't know the extent of how much that meant to Dewdrop, even after so many years.

Dewdrop holding his hand as he gives the tour of the ministry, being patient and answering any and all questions Mountain has; feeling a bit of pity as Mountain has to keep ducking to enter a majority of the common spaces.

"Sorry, I don't think they were prepared to have such a tall ghoul..."

"These humans are short, as are some of our fellows. I don't expect them to have to accommodate a single person over majority."

"Well, everyone deserves to be comfortable here. Just because a lot of people are smaller than you, doesn't mean you should have to be uncomfortable and bend over constantly just to get through a door."

Dew thinking a bit more. "Oh! I know the perfect place for you!! C'mon!" Dragging him back outside.

They end up at an old greenhouse, some of the panels broken and hidden in the woods. "This was here waaay before me. I think I'm the only one that's found it. There's so many abandoned places on the property so it's a bit of a fixer upper but... I thought maybe you should have a place too, you know? And!- and you can have so many plants in there! It's in the woods so, you know, your element!"

Mountain just smiles, watching Dew ramble and show the nearby shed, blabbering more and more about all the abandoned places he knows. They keep sneaking out to the greenhouse, Mountain slowly fixing it but constantly staring through the last panel that looks up at the stars, Dew curled up in his arm and head on his chest.

"It's so pretty out here..."

"It is."

And he's looking directly as Dewdrop who's unaware. "It's absolutely beautiful."

[yukioos]

MIS

SUMMARY: jayce talis x reader // your mother takes the brunt of the attack from jinx, causing your mother to pass from the wounds. her death leaves you grieving. once all your pain builds up and the pressure becomes too much to handle, you find yourself face-to-face with a panic attack. your boyfriend, jayce, stays with you throughout all your troubles and comforts you when you need him the most.

AUTHORS NOTE: hi! i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, i felt in the mood to write some angst and comfort :) thanks for the request, sorry if you wanted me to write something more happy and fluffy. i haven’t had a panic attack so i don’t fully know what it’s like to have one, but i tried my best! this is 2.4k words

WARNINGS: not proofread, panic attack, death, grief, guilt, cussing, pet names

ASK: gurll i love this, for the next one can u please make it the other way around (jayce comforting reader) 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 i need jayce huggie toooo!!

the sky was dark, and the moon was an unusually deep shade of red. the bland sky didn’t stand out to you, opposite to how it would be filled with stars any other day. hot air filled your room, causing you to tug and pull at your tightly fitted clothes. you threw old clothes onto the ground, planning to give them to the undercity, where they lacked what you perceived as normal. you giggled at the thought of your younger sister, caitlyn, who thought she was sneaky bringing in a woman from zaun into her room, claiming she was only hurt.

your mother didn’t know about this, however. she didn’t have enough time in her schedule to know about caitlyn’s relationships, only you and jayce’s, as word spread quickly. you were pleased to know that she accepted the relationship once she sat the two of you down and asked about jayce’s intentions with you. she just wanted you to have a good partner, someone who could live up to the kiramman expectations and life. knowing jayce ever since he was young, she immediately knew you were a perfect match.

when you were young, she wasn’t as busy being a councilor as she is now. you used to tell caitlyn about how mom used to be fun, and she would always laugh at the stories in disbelief. sometimes, she would flat-out tell you you were lying, like when your mom had enough time to teach you how to shoot targets. as she became older, her time with you became shorter and shorter, and caitlyn hardly knew her mother.

but even as you were scavenging through your dresser and walk-in closet, a sinking feeling weighed you down. something was off, something felt wrong, unusual. you rubbed your eyes, hoping you were just imagining when you saw a bright blue light shine through the sky like a shooting star. the sound of it flying through the air reminded you of fireworks before they explode. you tilted your head in curiosity. you had never seen a shooting star before—

suddenly, a loud sound erupted in your ears, causing you to duck and cover your head. you panted, whimpering as you had no idea what had just happened. you slowly raised your head from the ground, glancing around your room to see if any damage had been done. when you stood back on your feet, you glanced outside the window to see a huge hole in the administrative building where meetings were held.

fuck, that’s where jayce and mom were.

your eyes widened in terror as you immediately pushed your double doors open and down a flight of stairs. alarms began to alert the city of piltover, and screams and crying from citizens made your blood run cold. your legs ached from running, panting as your lungs burned with pain, unable to catch a breath. once you ran to the top floor of the administrative building, you slammed open the partially broken doors.

heart racing, you paused in your tracks once jayce carried viktor in his arms, with tears filling his eyes. your heart raced, and your throat tightened, you managed to ask, “where is my mother? mom? mom—“ as you walked around, searching for bodies covered in rubble, dark blue hair and short pink hair caught your eye.

you were about to walk over to them, but you staggered as smoke filled your throat, causing you to cough. before you could pause, a large, warm, and familiar hand laid on your shoulder. there, your boyfriend stood with ash on his face, and an almost dead man in his arms, his best friend. he cupped your face with one hand and stared at you, “hey— hey, we’re both alright, that’s— that’s good—”he tried to lighten the mood by chuckling. he then continued, even as his fake smile didn’t reach his eyes, “i need to help viktor—“

you interrupted, “jay, it’s okay, go, i think i see my mother—” you gazed into his glossy eyes, his lip trembled with fear.

you placed your shaky hand on his cheek and gave him a quick kiss. as you gently patted his cheek, he mumbled, “promise you’ll stay safe for me.” while looking into your equally terrified eyes.

you responded, “i will.” and with that, he ran to the science lab to supposedly heal viktor. you then ran over to the dark blue hair, assuming it was your sister. she turned around and hugged you without uttering a word. you gripped her back just as tightly, and the pink-haired zaunite stared at your mother with sorrow. her face was covered in ashes, and bricks left bruises and blood-stained clothes. you pressed your finger up to the side of her neck. once you felt nothing, you checked her wrist.

she didn’t have a pulse.

your breathing sped up, but your world slowed down as if it paused. your body felt numb, and your hearing drained from your ears. a hand squeezed your shoulder, the hand of your sister, trying to shake you back into reality. shutting your eyes for a moment, you tried to imagine anything but her lifeless body in front of you. the woman who lived her life saving and protecting others, the one who watched you grow up, the one who carried you for nine months, was now dead.

it seemed unreal to think about.

but you opened your eyes and imagined it was someone else in front of you, someone with less of an impact on your life. you slowly stood up and stared at your mother’s closed eyes and scarred face. you then turned your back on her and brought your eyes up to the two women in front of you. you mumbled, “we need a medic.”

the next few months after your mother’s death were a living hell. although it was sweet to see children placing flowers near your mother’s grave, honoring her dedication to the city, you hadn’t been in a healthy mental state. normally, things came easy to you. however, for the past few months, all you had heard from others were condolences for the death of your mother. you tried to act as if you weren’t bothered by it at all, and to continue your everyday life. that’s what your mom would’ve wanted you to do, anyway.

but as you were walking to your residence with jayce after spending time with one another at a restaurant, a news reporter came up to you. the man attracted many other reporters to huddle up in front of you, almost barricading you into the wall. you shuttered at the lack of space, and reporters yelled and stuck microphones and cameras into your face.

one asked, “miss kiramman, do you have any plans on becoming the leader of the kiramman house anytime soon?” as if it wasn’t a sensitive question, relating to your mom’s passing.

you frowned as another question followed, “how has your mother’s death affected you?”

“will you join the council to replace your mother’s spot?”

tears began to spring in your eyes as you backed up, becoming closer and closer to the wall. yet, the reporters wouldn’t stop asking questions and entrapped you, all around you, unable to move. suddenly your boyfriend loudly announced, “that is enough. go along with your day and leave.” his eyebrows were furrowed with concentration and he balled his fists up.

one of the reporters interjected, “mr. talis, all we want is to ask miss kiramman a couple questions—“

he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, then glared at the man. he suddenly understood and nodded, appearing embarrassed. they all followed after the man, who ran away once he saw councilor medarda, who wandered around the streets with her companion, lest.

jayce gently rubbed your shoulder with his large hand and mumbled, “sorry you had to see that. are you okay?” he knew you didn’t like talking about her death often, as it was recent and it’s all anyone would bother you about. however, when he saw your glossy eyes and your hands wiping them, he knew something was wrong. you hadn’t normally acted like this around him, nevertheless anyone.

you slightly nodded, just enough for jayce to see. you lowered your head, not wanting to be noticed by anyone else as jayce held the door open for you. a lock clicked behind you, and you traveled up the flight of stairs to your room. your heart pounded as you were reminded of the night when you saw your mother’s lifeless body on the ground, feeling like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. too much heat was in the room, maybe you had to open the window. you quickly sprinted over to the window and opened it, still feeling so hot all over your body.

god, everything was too much. you whimpered as you felt liquid dripping down your cheeks, and your throat began to tighten up as if barbed wires wrapped themselves around your neck. you wiped your forehead with your sleeve, only to feel the warmth on the cloth from sweat. ringing filled your ears, causing you to ball your fists up as you sat on the ground, starting to hit your head to stop the ringing. unfortunately, you couldn’t stop the noise in your head.

you couldn’t hear anything, and your body became numb. as your throat continued to tighten, you rubbed your throat in pain, wanting to tell your mom that you were sorry. why the hell weren’t you there when she was dying? you could’ve prevented her death, couldn’t you? maybe you could’ve blocked her body with yours from the hit, then you would’ve taken most of the damage. it would’ve been better that way. she was more influential, more powerful, and more important than you. what would’ve happened if you were there to save her? would you be at dinner right now? would you be hugging her? telling her a stupid joke she always laughed at? would you be dead?

it pained you that there was no way to know what could’ve happened.

jayce heard sobs as he washed his hands in the bathroom, screams, even. his heart raced and he dried his hands, then he ran out of your large bathroom to see your head in your hands, hitting it with your fists as hard as you could. you were sobbing, “i’m sorry, mom, i’m sorry,” repeatedly, over and over on a loop. your body shook like you were the most delicate thing in the world, like you were about to break any second. your arms dripped with sweat, and you seemed to be dissociative, as you didn’t respond to his calls of your name.

he then realized they were common signs of a panic attack. must’ve been from all the reporters bugging you with their never-ending questions and from the passing of someone so important in your life. he didn’t know how to handle a situation like this, but he knew you needed someone to help you and ground you. he gently placed a hand on the crown of your head and rubbed it gently, as if you were a child. you slowly looked up at him, eyes and face all red from crying. you sniffled, mind still racing, as you tried to focus on the words that came out of his mouth, not recognizing the ones that came out of yours.

you were full-on sobbing, dry tears laid helplessly on your skin, waiting to be rehydrated with new ones. you closed your eyes and cradled yourself, still crying out, ‘i’m sorry,’ so jayce slowly wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you close, not knowing if he was doing the right thing. he asked, as he gave a kiss to your shoulder, “why are you sorry, sweetheart?” you unconsciously leaned into his warm frame, although you felt far too hot for your liking.

your wailing became quieter as you continued talking, listing all the reasons why you should’ve been the one who took the hit, you should’ve been better to her, you should’ve spent more time with her, and you should’ve been there before she died. he continued to ask you questions so you could open up about your feelings until your throat hurt from sobbing and talking for so long.

you leaned your head against him for a few minutes in silence, not wanting to say anything more. he rubbed your shoulder and turned, staring into your red eyes. you whimpered and wiped your eyes, staring up at him with a pout on your face. he softly smiled, then gently placed a hand on your wet cheek. he placed his lips against yours, the most intimate kiss you’ve shared. once the two of you pulled away, he helped you stand up, expecting to carry you to bed.

but to his surprise, you hugged him, causing him to stumble back with the amount of force you used. you mumbled into his chest, “i love you so much, jayce.” your voice was strained, using the rest of your words and power to thank him for his help and love.

he wrapped his strong arms around you and petted your hair, “i love you too.” he couldn’t have felt more affectionate or loving than now, and you felt the same. after a few minutes of staying in the hug, he slowly undressed you and changed you into more comfortable clothes. he carried you to your bed, then changed into his clothes that he kept in your drawers for when he stayed the night. he just changed into a pair of sweatpants, taking his shirt and everything else off.

turning the lights off, he walked over to you and pulled the sheets down, causing you to quickly huddle up to him and trap his leg with yours. you wrapped your arm around his waist, wanting to feel as close as you possibly could to him. as jayce’s breath began to even out, you knew he was the only one who could calm you down, bring you out of that headspace. he was nervous, he’d never comforted someone like that before, but his dedication and patience showed you he was the one for you.

[prime-adeptus]

Attuned

Sho always knows when something is wrong.

✧ PAIRING: Haizono Shohei x Reader

✦ CONTENT: Gender-neutral reader; established relationship, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort. Sho is a bit of a tsun. 0,6k words

✧ A/N: He's really growing on me. // reblogs and comments are always appreciated!!

cross-posted on AO3 | divider by cafekitsune

You weren’t responding to his texts.

Where could they be…?

Sho stared at the open conversation on his phone with pursed lips, the little delivered message ticking him off more than he’d expected. You were normally quick to reply, having never ever left him hanging, so the fact that you weren’t even looking at your phone was highly unusual. He’d never say this to you out loud, not in a million years, but he was worried about you.

“What a pain,” he grumbled offhandedly, pushing himself off of the couch.

Leo looked up from his phone with his eyebrows raised, curious. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing to do with you.”

A mischievous grin came to Leo’s features. “Lover’s quarrel?”

“Fuck off.”

“Have fun!” he called out smugly as Sho made his way out of the Vagastrom dorm, making sure to raise the middle finger at his friend one last time before he left. He’s been with you long enough to recognise some of your patterns.

Comes with loving someone, dumbass, as he had said to you before.

His current objective was obvious: find you and figure out what was wrong. Darkwick Academy’s campus was massive, which meant the search would take more effort than usual. Not to mention how chilly it was outside. He could practically feel the tick mark appearing on his temple as he realised how low the chances of you bringing along a jacket were.

Way to worry him even more.

He started at Frostheim. It didn’t prove quite helpful. Fuji might as well have been in tears when he heard that you weren’t responding to messages. Luca was willing to help search for you, but something in his gut told him that he needed to do this alone. Why would you need a guy other than him to take care of you? It didn’t make sense.

The Pit was completely out of the question. You’d never venture in there by yourself, not with how much you disliked the atmosphere and the crowd there. Jabberwock was his next destination, but its cheeky captain said he hasn’t seen you around, so that was another thing crossed out on the list.

By the time he found you, it was nearly evening, and it was on a park bench near the academy’s main building. A complaint rested at the tip of his tongue, ready to nag you, but it died as soon as he got a clearer view of you. You were hugging your knees close to your chest and staring off into space, rocking yourself back and forth. Sho relaxed just the slightest before taking a seat next to you, unable to hold back the relieved sigh from leaving his lips.

“I’ve been looking for you all day, y’know.”

You perked up, looking at him and giving him an awkward smile. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.”

“Who was it? I’ll beat ‘em up.”

You chuckled softly. “It’s not that. I’m just… not feeling great.”

“It’s cold out. You’re gonna get sick,” he said, frowning at the sight of you wearing a simple blouse without a jacket on. Without much thought, he shrugged off his jacket and placed it over your shoulders, giving your arms a warm squeeze. You looked up at him with surprise before breaking into a genuine smile this time, eyes twinkling with joy.

“You were worried about me?” You sounded so hopeful and so… cute that it made him want to pinch your cheek in retaliation. He didn’t know why you were always so surprised that he cared about you. He was your boyfriend for a reason. “I’m sorry for the trouble, Sho. I just didn’t want to bother you.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I like it when you bother me?” he retorted, wrapping his arm around your waist. “Dummy.”

You wrapped his jacket tighter around your body, the smile not once leaving your face. “You’re a total softie, aren’t ya?”

“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes in mock annoyance but still pulled you closer. You could tease him all you want. At least you were smiling now.

[ultravjiolencee]

Can i request a fred weasley with maybe a reader from black family that doesn’t really like christmas? thank u so much!! (they’re not relatives and kinda in a relationship)

Weasley Warmth Delivery

a.n! thanks for requesting and sorry if this took me this long, but to be honest i still feel into christmas mood. i tried this new ‘format’ of exchanging letters! mention of my previous work

Dear y/n,

Well, look at that—a letter from Black. To what do I owe this honor? Boredom finally driving you mad in that haunted house of yours? Don’t worry, love, I’ve been expecting it.

Grimmauld Place isn’t exactly the Ministry of Fun, is it? And without me around to liven up the place, well, I’m amazed you lasted this long before reaching out.

First, let me set the scene for you here at the Burrow: total chaos, as usual. Mum’s been running around like a bludger on a sugar high, barking orders about decorating and cleaning things that were perfectly fine before she started. Ginny keeps nicking the fairy lights off the tree to “improve” her room (I think she’s trying to charm them to spell out something rude for Ron), and Percy’s been giving us all his patented look of disapproval. Honestly, I think he was born with that expression.

George and I, naturally, have been hard at work testing a few of our newest products. Let’s just say the garden gnomes had a very eventful morning and leave it at that.

But, enough about the Burrow, it’s too normal compared to what I’m imagining for you. I bet Grimmauld Place is a real barrel of laughs this time of year. Bet you’ve got Kreacher croaking out festive insults like, “Filthy blood traitor scum don’t deserve gingerbread.” Or maybe you’ve charmed those gloomy curtains shut tight so you don’t have to look at your delightful family tree. Is my name still scorched off that thing, by the way? If not, I’ll send George over to fix that. It’s our legacy, after all.

I wish I could say I don’t worry about you being there all by yourself, but you know me—I don’t do lying very well. (Or at all, according to mum. But then again, she doesn’t always appreciate my particular brand of honesty.) You’ve got that whole independent, “I don’t need anyone’s help” thing going on, and I get it. I do. But I can’t help wishing you’d pop over to the Burrow for Christmas. Mum would adore you, I promise. Well, she’d probably scold you for being “too thin” first, but that’s just part of the package deal. Once she’s fed you a month’s worth of food in two days, she’ll be absolutely besotted.

And before you go claiming I’m trying to recruit you to our family, let me clarify: yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Because family doesn’t have to be the lot you were born with.

You’ve got us now, whether you like it or not.

Now, enough of this sappy nonsense. You’ll start thinking I’m losing my edge. Let’s talk about important things—like me. Did I mention George and I managed to sneak a prototype of our newest invention past Mum? It’s called the “Crackling Cauldron Cake,” and it’s exactly as dangerous as it sounds. You bite into it, and it pops like a small Firework Charm in your mouth. George claims it’s “too risky for mass production,” but I say he’s lost his Gryffindor nerve. (He was almost a Hufflepuff, you know. Don’t tell him I told you that.)

Oh, and speaking of risky ventures—have you heard from the “adorable” bunch at Hogwarts? Lee says everyone’s still whispering about us switching ties that morning. Apparently, there’s now a theory that we were secretly meeting in the Forbidden Forest for mysterious reasons. Honestly, they’re creative. I’ll give them that. Maybe we should encourage the rumors. Keep them on their toes, you know?

Alright, I should wrap this up before the owl starts biting me again. (Did you train this thing to attack, or is that just a natural Black family trait?) But seriously, don’t be a stranger. Owl me again, even if it’s just to complain about how miserable it is without me around. I’ll write back—promise. And if you’re feeling really brave, you’re always welcome here. I’ll even let you beat me at Wizard’s Chess again, just to keep things festive.

Take care of yourself, alright? And if Grimmauld Place starts feeling too cold, just think of this letter as a little Weasley warmth delivered right to your doorstep.

Yours (because I’ve decided you’re mine to pester now),

Fred

P.S. If you don’t write back soon, I’m sending George over to prank your front door. You’ve been warned ;)

[unhappy-sometimes]

a 2024 writing retrospective (for sxf fanfic)

ignore the fact that i’m a few days late. i’ve been unbelievably busy the past couple weeks.

in this post i’ll go over the fics i wrote in 2024 think of it as an extremely extended author’s notes. i love to talk and will do so when given the chance.

i’ll start from my latest fic and work my way backwards. spoilers for everything i’ve written in 2024.

(Very) Stupid

Something that I try really really hard to maintain in my writing is believability, specifically when it comes to writing characters. Characters acting out of character is one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves: if I wanted to read about someone’s oc, then I would’ve read a regular book. That being said, I think a lot about how Twilight would actually act like if he were in love. I had an interesting conversation with @cantareincminor forever ago about how he’s so emotionally constipated that it’s kind of difficult to write Twilight in love without making him a bit ooc. Right now in canon it’s hard to imagine him falling head over heels for anyone (in my opinion, anyway).

That being said there are moments in canon where he acts flustered in situations that could be interpreted as romantic. So, for right now, my hypothesis is this: if and when Twilight falls in love, he’s going to be an absolute fool. He’s going to do his usual overthinking and overanalyizing, so much to the point that he starts hesitating over the smallest things.

(Very) Stupid is how I imagine all of that unfolding, although for the sake of comedy I did push things to the absurd. Sometimes Twilight does things in canon with such certainty of “Yes, of course normal people do this, I’m nailing this normalcy thing” that he fails to realize he’s being kinda ridiculous. I also wanted to take that element and incorporate it into a fic.

I also wanted to try subverting expectations (ooh fancy literary term) by having them do romantic things that lead them nowhere. I tried to cram in as many tropes as I could—feeding each other with a fork, only one bed, first kiss—but do so under the guise of Twilight completely missing how dumb he’s being the entire time. He only realizes his feelings until after their first kiss, specifically when Yor surprises him with a quick peck on the cheek. This, of course, was deliberate. I figured that it’d make the most sense if Twilight would only realize his feelings in a situation where he wasn’t the one initiating a (somewhat) romantic gesture because he theoretically wouldn’t be overthinking it. Instead, Yor just sneaks in when his guard is down <3

Endings are usually the hardest things for me to write and (Very) Stupid was no exception. I almost had Twilight pass out at the breakfast table when he kisses Yor but then I realized I’d made him faint in almost every fic I’ve written this year and that felt like a cop out. But I figured it out and I don’t mind the way the ending turned out :D

Also, kind of a random reference, but the title is slightly inspired by VERY NICE by Seventeen lol

Holy crap I’ve written so much for only one fic so far. My apologies in advance.

21 Eden Street

I won’t go into too much detail for 21 Eden Street because it’s still ongoing, but I just wanna brag about how fun it is to write hehe. It’s really enjoyable to write pure crack and come up with stupid and insane ideas with Cantare. You don’t need to have seen either iteration of 21 Jump Street to understand what’s going on. Honestly, we’ve taken very little from the source material and treated it more like a loose guide and a basis for brainstorming.

Don’t worry, we haven’t abandoned it! Cantare is waiting on me to finish writing my chapter (hehe sorry, Cantare!) and soon it’ll be back up and running.

Seeing things

Ah, Seeing Things, my beloved <3

This fic has the least amount of hits out of everything I’ve written (which is not surprising to me) but I hold it very dear to my heart. There’s not a specific reason why other than I just really enjoyed writing it. I also spent a ton of time making supplementary drawings and a whole hype campaign for it, too, so I kinda am obligated to feel some sorta way about it.

Anyway, the way this fic came about is simple; I just had the things I am most afraid of happen to Twilight. Yes, I’m scared of serial killers and my loved ones dying like everyone else, but something I am absolutely terrified of are hallucinations. That and doppelgangers.

Not being able to tell reality apart from fiction activates the flight or fight senses in me. Real life can be scary, yes, but reality is bound by the rules of reality. Literally anything can happen in fiction. The most horrific, awful things are possible in fiction and if those things suddenly become possible in reality???? Girl I am GONE. Passing away. Curling up in a fetal position in the nearest corner. I don’t know if that makes any sense. If I ever start seeing things that I can’t be sure are actually happening or not, I am choosing to die right then and there. Doppelgangers as a concept are also really scary to me. It’s like stranger danger but times a thousand because you can’t tell who the strangers are anymore.

In my initial draft, there wasn’t nearly as much of a tension between Twilight and Yor. If I recall correctly, by then I’d written to nearly the end and realized that for Yor this whole experience has been Loid acting just a little more weird than usual. It might’ve been Cantare’s suggestion (just assume everything after Guy’s Night has been beta’d by Cantare and you’ll be mostly right) but I realized that Twilight probably would start to suspect the people around him were screwing with him. I added the scene where his room was messed up and it all fell into place hehe.

I don’t like writing gore or the like because I feel like typical gore quickly starts escalating into levels of pain that the average reader has no possibility of comprehending and it loses its efficacy. Instead I tried feeding into Twilight’s paranoia, adding things that in isolation are just weird but when put together are unsettling. I shamelessly stole the fourth room hallway from Impossible Landscapes, a Delta Green campaign that I highly recommend you check out if you enjoy surreal horror. I purposefully kept some things vague, like the things Anya sees in Twilight’s mind, the way Handler’s face gets warped, or the description of “the watchers” because I felt like going into detail would lose the unknown-ness of it all. That and I’m lazy heehee.

In some way, canon Spy x Family does deal with ideas of doppelgangers and paranoia. Spies are constantly afraid of being listened in on, they don’t know if they can trust anyone, and they always have to keep an eye over their shoulder. For someone who is always a little scared of being spied on (I cover my phone and laptop cameras for that exact reason), that kinda sounds like torture. Seeing Things was a fun way to crank that paranoia up to a hundred. It was especially fun writing the museum scene because I tried thinking of things that are just ever so slightly off, things that theoretically could exist but clearly don’t.

I also threw in other things I’m scared of, like being watched, being followed, the dark, and the bathroom at night just to be extra mean to Twilight <3

Anyway, I’m rambling and this analysis post will be a novel if I keep this up.

Guy’s Night

I do recognize the insane tone shift going from Seeing Things to Guy’s Night.

What is there to even say about Guy’s Night? I got the idea from Psych (the Last Night Gus episode) who got the general basic from the Hangover movies. I wrote it all out in a few days, one of which I was sick in bed. I don’t know what to say.

Looking back on it, I don’t love the way it turned out. I’m glad I wrote it but where I usually don’t mind rereading my stuff for fun I do kinda cringe at Guy’s Night. It relies on a lot of contrivances which I tried masking with humor but it’s still a bit obvious. If you make a timeline of the previous night’s events, it only kinda makes sense.

It doesn’t help that I went into it with no plan whatsoever. I just sat down and said what happens happens. When I wrote in chapter one that something had happened between Loid and Yor, I didn’t know what that was. When I wrote Loid saying “we need to see what’s on that camera film” I was right there next to him saying “buddy, so do I because I have no idea.” When wrote Franky saying that his friend Marko might have answers, I was hoping he would too because I, like everyone else, didn’t know what was going on either.

The ONE thing I DID know was that Twilight got a tattoo the night before. That was it. That’s all.

I don’t typically plan out everything when I write but I usually have a good idea. For Guy’s Night, I had a bad idea in that I had no idea. It kinda shows. Sorry.

That being said, it was incredibly fun writing their drunk shenanigans and banter. The dynamic between Twilight, Franky, and Yuri was so goofy that I’ve seriously debated writing a sequel of sorts. However that’s incredibly unlikely. If I ever do write a sequel, it’d be a Girl’s Night with Yor and a combination of female characters, probably Sylvia and Fiona.

After Peace (and Glimpses of Happiness)

A quick heads up: I don’t go into detail but I do discuss mental illness in this segment.

I am incredibly proud of how After Peace turned out. Not only did it receive a really good reception for being my first fic ever, but it also helped me work through some things in my own life. It’s important to give some context.

I wrote After Peace shortly after graduating college. I won’t go into specifics, but college was really, really difficult for me. I had been so excited for this next step in my life after graduating high school but instead it turned out to be one of the hardest experiences of my life. Depression came out of nowhere and stomped me into the ground.

I used to have very high expectations for myself; I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my life and I was taking steps to work towards those goals. Then my mental health tanked and suddenly everything just felt so difficult and pointless. I’d sleep all day and then hate myself when the sun started to set because that meant I’d wasted an entire day doing nothing when I was supposed to be working towards something. But I just couldn’t do it anymore.

That’s something I’ve noticed that a lot of media gets wrong about depression sometimes. It doesn’t always make you feel sad. Sometimes it just sucks everything out of you—sadness, happiness, anger, everything. I stopped drawing, stopped listening to music, stopped eating, stopped exercising, stopped doing everything that I enjoyed because it felt like the equivalent of doing the dishes. Everything was a chore, even the things that I liked.

What really changed things around was when my poor roommate, who was sick of me sleeping for twenty hours a day, dragged my sorry self to the free counseling services on campus. It’s doesn’t fix everything, but having someone who cares about you and you care about can really help your mental health.

Anyway, let’s not forget I’m talking about an anime fanfiction here haha.

After Peace really did start out as a couple of doodles but as I started to write it, I noticed that there were a lot of similarities between myself and Loid. No, I am not a former spy turned grumpy hermit, but I did once have great aspirations and now have to settle for what reality offers me. Realizing that worth comes from simply existing was something that I had to understand in order to begin my recovery process.

I’ve always found it kind of sad that if you took away the goal of world peace from Twilight that you’re basically left with nothing. He doesn’t really have hobbies, no real friends, and he never takes a day off. That’s hardly sustainable. Would he really be happy when there’s nothing left to do? I’d like to think so, but I wanted to see what would happen if he wasn’t.

I mentioned this in the end note, but After Peace was also influenced by this comic I was working on years ago that had the similar premise of “grumpy man learns to enjoy life with the help of a young girl” (very original, I know). I doubt that I’ll ever release that comic in the capacity I once intended, but it does live on in my secret second tumblr account of you ever manage to find it.

Anyway, I was worried about writing After Piece because Anya plays a big role and I am Not Good at writing children. It was hard striking a balance between making Anya likeable but still realistic. I don’t interact with children often and, as a youngest sibling, I don’t have much experience with them. Anya has so many layers—being a test subject, being a telepath, being a child—that it was hard managing them all. But I’m okay with how she turned out.

There is a slight problem in that she basically disappears once Yor shows up D:

I debated having Yor in the fic at all but then I realized that without her the emotional climax would have to rely on a four year old’s emotional intelligence and then decided right then and there that Yor had to be in it haha.

Yor’s whole deal with accidentally killing the wrong person was kind of a last minute addition. I do wish I was able to explore that more, but I also feel like she’s emotionally mature enough to forgive herself more quickly than Twilight would. She ends up serving a bit of a role model to him. It was also nice to be able to write them interacting with the truth out on the table and for them to be honest with each other.

Pacing was something that I was very concerned with. Looking back on it now, I’m still worried that things move along a bit quickly. However, I am reminded of some advice my graphic design professors gave me: “Good design is when nothing more can be take away.” And, because I was writing this as fast as possible, you best believe I was taking things away if I didn’t need them. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of dwelling on Twilight’s thoughts for too long so I instead opted for showing him progressing through experiences instead. I think it worked out.

However because I took so many things out I decided to start Glimpses of Happiness, a supplementary fic to After Peace that fills in the cracks, so to speak. I wanted to have more moments between Twilight and the other characters, like stargazing with Anya and growing close to Yor. Right now there’s only one chapter, but I have plans for at least a few more. I also thought it was important to highlight that mental health recovery never truly ends. Just because Yor and Twilight had a nice chat on the roof doesn’t mean that things are suddenly okay. It’s a long process that sometimes never ends and I wanted to show that.

Of course, I can’t talk about After Peace without addressing the Midwest allegations. As I said, yes, this fic was inspired by my childhood in the American Midwest, even though I was nowhere near any mountains. The Midwest is a silly place full of nothing to do but go to your local Walmart for fun, but I think it served a good enough setting for Twilight to chill out and slow down. If I really wanted to do full Midwest, I’d have Twilight watch a tornado touch down on a cornfield from his truckbed, but that feels sort of out of place.

I feel like there’s more to say but I can’t think of anything and I doubt anyone’s actually gonna read all the way down here anyway. But yeah, that’s After Peace.

Oh, and the A.M. AM by Damien Jurado Youtube video currently has nine comments that mentjon falling from a five story building, which I think is really funny.

So now what?

Against my better judgement, I’m still writing. I have a couple projects in the works, especially one big big big one that hopefully I can start publishing soon. Keep an eye out for that.

In the meantime, thanks for a great year! I hope 2025 holds more great things in store for us all!

-unso ^. .^<

[twopoppies]

It makes sense that so many feel like the fandom is in shambles. I never thought for a second that things would ever be normal again after liam passed. Honestly, when I think of everyone up in arms about the louis blocking stuff and the sister's nonsense, I can't help but think like oh I could not give less of a fuck. None of this matters. Liam is GONE. I couldn't care less about louis' team's latest plan to obliterate the larries. It doesn't matter anymore and I can't believe more people don't see that. Someone died. Obviously that's going to fuck up a lot of things. Did any of us actually expect anything to ever be normal again?

Also, I am a louis girl ok I am a louis girl thru and thru but recently events have taught me that it would be the healthiest thing for me and a lot of people tbh, to be less parasocial with this thing. And also take a break and focus on other things, until louis gets his head out of his ass. None of them seem to be releasing any new music anyways and I am in no mood to play a pawn in some fucked up industry's game. I do that plenty in my corporate job.

I just think we all could benefit from being a bit less parasocial right now. Sorry for the incoherent ramble, I am just having a lot of feelings right now

I agree with you. It’s interesting though because Louis, in particular, courts a really parasocial relationship with his fans. But having that set up is really a double-edged sword.

Taking a break sounds like a good plan.

[wemalyri]

could you do enhypen reaction to ur self harm ?? I loved ur last post

pairing: hyungline!enhypen × gn!reader genre: angst, hurt/comfort warnings: feeling guilty, obv self-harm, brief description of negative feelings and thoughts + personal tw for each member w/c: 640+ a/n: thank you for your request!! sorry that it took me SO long(( (it's been in my drafts since august just so yk :/)e also I did only hyung line I hope you don't mind. I tried to mention and describe different reasons and situations. some members include sad endings and feeling of hopelessness. I know that if you're deep down in this even words of your loved ones might not help. if you have this problem pls remember that you're not alone( take care of yourself properly! also sunghoon one is kinds crazy, sorry for that !!! likes and reposts are welcomed !!!

Heeseung

tw: comparison to others, jealousy, toxic perfectionism

You hadn’t seen each other for a few months. The reason of it was Heeseung’s job. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t stay with you all of the time. Three months of tour felt like eternity. However, it was finally over and now you could see each other again. Heeseung promised you to come over as soon as possible but you didn’t expect him to do it so fast. Forgetting yourself, you ran to the front door and opened it with a bright smile. Heeseung immediately hugged you, holding you tight. His hand held your head, burying your face in his chest. “Gosh I missed you so much…” He inhaled your scent with a loud sound. “You smell like home.”

You playfully giggled and pecked his lips, looking at him. He pulled away to explore your appearance with a smile, but it immediately faded as his gaze fixed on your thighs. “Y/n…” He whispered with fear, not believing his own eyes. 

Upper side of your legs were covered in scars, recent ones. You absolutely forgot to cover them, too excited to meet your boyfriend. 

Yes, Heeseung was perfect for you but that only made your self-esteem worse. You always thought he was too good for you, you never were on the same level. Heeseung wasn’t just an idol, he was a goddamn ‘ace’. Perfect at everything, you never noticed his bad habits, selfish thoughts or actions. He was like an angel fallen from heaven, someone who would never match you. This is what you thought. And when he left on tour you knew he wouldn’t be able to control or see new scars if you left them. Every time you got jealous, you would blame yourself for this feeling, making your mental statement even worse. Negative feelings were too much to handle but you were too embarrassed and ashamed to share them with Heeseung, knowing pretty well that even his sweetest words wouldn’t help you. This is how you found a way to express everything you felt, punishing yourself for not being flawless.

Your eyes looked down, searching for a reason of Heeseung’s worried expression. When you saw your scars, you felt ashamed and guilty. 

“It’s nothing.” you answered, trying to sound casual.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Heeseung’s tone of voice was serious. It felt like you had never seen him with such an expression. His eyes met yours and you could see a deep worry and hurt in them. “Why have you done that?..”

You felt guilty. You didn’t want to hurt him with your words but you didn’t want to lie to him at the same time. “I…didn’t feel well.” The reason you named sounded so stupid that a sense of shame washed over you.

Heeseung’s expression didn’t change. It seemed like your words didn’t convince him at all. “You could call me… text me… anything but not that.” 

“I didn’t want to bother you. You have a busy schedule, I don’t want to wear you out even more.” 

“Y/n… It wouldn’t hurt me as much as this.” You went silent for a second, biting your lip.

“I didn’t want to complain to you, okay?” It felt like you didn’t understand each other at all.

“Baby, that’s not complaining when you tell me about your feelings. That’s normal. I’m your boyfriend, you don’t trust me enough to share your thoughts?” You didn’t say anything as tears welled up in your eyes. Heeseung immediately stepped closer, pulling you to him. Your hands wrapped around his waist, holding onto him as the last hope. He pecked your head, whispering. “Tell me when you don’t feel well next time, okay?” You slightly nodded, thinking that maybe it will help you to go through this. At least, you decided to give it a try.

Jay

tw: ED, fatshaming (reader to themselves)

Jay is the best cook you've ever known and everyone always says that they're jealous of your luck. Your boyfriend cooks for you everyday, he never fails to make sure you're eating well even when he's tired. However, for you personally this obsession with good meals never was for the best. Your relationship with your body never was the simplest one and even though Jay and you dated for a while, you managed to hide it from him. However, at the last time something went wrong and your boyfriend started noticing what attitude you actually had to food.

One day you were having a meal at your apartment and of course Jay cooked. Again. Sitting next to your boyfriend, you were picking at food. 

“Is something wrong? You don't like it?” Jay asked, looking at you through his eyelashes with concern. 

“No, everything's fine. Just not hungry.” You managed to say, trying to sound casual. Jay's eyebrows frowned and he pulled chopsticks away. 

“Are you sure? You haven't been eating well lately.” This question suddenly made you annoyed. You didn't want someone to talk about your eating problems, so you tried to change the topic. 

“Just not hungry.” The same words left your mouth and it made Jay confused even more. Something definitely was wrong and he just couldn't understand what exactly. 

“Y/n, I know something is wrong. Don't try to hide it from me.” Jay's tone was serious and it only irritated you even more. 

“I said I was fine!” You striked the table, that made your sleeves of shirt roll up and show off your scars. Jay looked at your wrists and his sight immediately catched those parts of skin you were hiding from him. Fresh scars were relieved for his eyes, blooming on your hands. 

“Y/n, your hands…” Jay spoke quietly in disbelief. Your eyes immediately widened in realization. He saw them.

You rolled down your sleeves, hiding marks of the hatred to your body, eyes looking down.

“How long ago did you make it?” Jay asked seriously, clenching his fists. He didn't hear an answer from you. “Why?..” For a minute that you were staying silent, a lot of different thoughts ran through his head. Weren’t you happy with him? Was he a bad boyfriend? Why did you hide it?

“Jay, it's not your fault.” His flaw of thoughts was ruined by your quiet voice. “It's just… me.”

He absolutely didn't understand. His eyes looked into yours with desire for more explanation. He was begging you to talk about it. 

“I-I don't like myself. My body. And I feel even worse every time you try to feed me. I'm fat. I can't let myself eat that much.”

Of course, he was so stupid all of this time. You had always been eating purely. Once he even noticed you judgingly looking at yourself in the mirror. And he did nothing.

“Gosh, I'm so stupid…” Jay hid his face in his hands, rubbing the forehead, trying not to bunch his head under the table. 

“No, you're not. I never talked about it. You were just being a good caring boyfriend.” You saw how awful he felt and it made you feel guilty. 

He quickly stood up from his place and you could see his watered eyes, when he slipped his hands away from his face. He approached you, gently pulling your wrist to the side to examine you. “Did you hurt yourself anywhere else? Are there any more scars?” 

“No, Jay.” You settled him down with your voice but he didn’t seem to believe you. “Really. That’s all.”

Jay slightly sighed, closing his eyes. “Listen, I’m sorry.” You stood up and placed your hand on his shoulder, feeling even more guilty. 

“You shouldn’t apologize to me. You should apologize to yourself.” Jay looked mad but this expression on his face was actually hiding his concern. He looked at you and was met with your sad puppy eyes that made him want to hug you. His hands pulled you to him and he pressed his lips to your head. 

“I know…” You mumbled into his chest. “I just can't. I don't want to.”

“Baby… do you hate yourself that much?” Jay asked looking into your eyes when he lifted your chin up. Your eyes watered, giving him a clear answer. “I'm sorry…” He whispered. “I'll make sure you'll love yourself.”

You slightly shook your head in resistance but didn't say anything, ran out of energy. Jay patted your head, kissing your forehead, and while looking into his eyes full of love you thought that maybe he will keep his words. 

Jake

tw: reader can’t express their feelings, bad experience in sharing problems

Jake always was clingy towards you but it never was the problem. His hands almost always were wrapped around you, no matter if you were in public or not, you would feel his touch on your back or shoulder.

One day you had a movie-night and Jake was clinging onto you as usual. Wrapping hands around you, laying his head on your thighs, caressing your skin, he almost touched your recent scars that were covering your shoulder. Everytime Jake moved or shivered you would slightly flinch, avoiding contact between his hands and your scars under the shirt. 

Suddenly, your boyfriend pulled away from your thighs, holding onto your shoulder and you immediately gasped. “Ouch!”

Jake looked at you with worried eyes, pulling his hand away and holding it in the air. “Sorry! Did I grip too hard?”

You sighed, looking at him. “Yeah, a bit harsh. But it's okay.” Jake's gaze switched to your shoulder, covered with a shirt. He slightly pulled your sleeve up. “I'm sorry… There might be a bruise now. Let me look.” You immediately flinched from him. He didn't have to know about your scars. 

“No, it's okay.” Jake's eyes switched to your face with worry. 

“Baby, I'll just look…” He gently placed his hand on yours and you looked away, giving up. You knew he wouldn't leave you alone. Insisting would only cause more questions. 

Jake's fingers slowly pulled your sleeve up and his eyes widened. “Baby… what is that?..” Now he could see your recent scars that were blooming on your skin. 

There wasn't a certain reason why you did that. Sometimes negative feelings were too much to cope with and you, the person who had never been learnt how to take care of yourself and let your emotions out, would express everything, hurting yourself. You knew it was wrong but the thought of sharing your feelings with someone was too strange. Of course, you had tried. But it always ended the same. People would say you complain a lot and you would shut up, regretting letting out true feelings. But this time it was Jake. Jake who was your boyfriend, Jake who would never let himself hurt you. 

Your eyes watered with a feeling of despair but you didn't dare to meet his gaze. Awkward silence took the air away, not letting to breathe. However, tension in the room suddenly disappeared with Jake's gentle voice. “Hey…” His fingers tilted your chin up. Jake’s worried eyes met watered yours. “Where are they from?..” 

He looked so genuinely concerned that you couldn’t confess you were the one who did that with yourself. You bit your bottom lip, holding tears that started welling up in your eyes. There was no response. Jake started realising what your silent answer meant and his world faded away.

“It wasn’t you, right?..” he whispered, scared of his own words “You wouldn’t do that to yourself?…” Silence was making Jake go insane and he called you by your name. 

“Y/n?..” his hands held your, slightly squeezing them “Please, say something. I won;t judge you, I swear.”

You looked in the corner of the room quietly saying only a few words “That was me.”

Jake’s jaw clenched but he managed to ask “Why?..”

“I don’t know… I wasn’t… feeling well…” your voice was slightly shaky. Jake leaned close to you, making sure you could see everything in his eyes. 

“You have me. You can always share with me, you know that, right?” 

“I don’t want to complain to you. You don’t know what you’re signing up for.” you warned him, recalling your past experiences. 

“I don’t care. I want to make sure I’m doing the best I can to make you happy.” Jake saw your slight smile and leaned even closer to peck your lips before wrapping hands around you and whispering in your ear “Can you do that for me? Next time you feel bad… Tell me, scream at me, yell at me. As much as you need until you get rid of wanting to hurt yourself.” 

You caressed his hair pulling him closer and whispering “I love you, Jake.”He smiled, replying with the same soft words “I love you too.”

Sunghoon 

tw: self-harm in details, blood, low self-esteem, anxiety, jealousy, reader has REAL mental problems… (this one is crazy fr)

You knew Sunghoon pretty well as much as the fact that he only seemed to be cold. When you first met him, you thought he hated you for something or just didn’t like you, but after a while you found out you were wrong. Because of his cold appearance it’s hard to say what he’s feeling or thinking about. Still, you’ve loved him the way he is. However, your anxiety and self-esteem suffered the most in your relationship. Not because Sunghoon was too cold, but because you were afraid of doing or saying something wrong. Mental problems and fears took control of you and sometimes it led to hurting yourself. 

Sunghoon went out with friends. You were absolutely fine with that until it started being late and stars covered the dark sky. Sunghoon didn’t answer your calls, didn’t reply to your messages and you started worrying too much. Was he with other girls? Did he lie to you about his feelings? 

Minutes with these thoughts and attempts to call him again and you already found yourself in the bathroom with a blade in your hands. Fear of losing Sunghoon and hatred to yourself led you towards irrecoverable actions.

Consumed by your feelings, you didn’t notice the sound of unlocking door and footsteps of your boyfriend. He was surprised by not seeing you greeting him in the hallway and suggested you were sleeping. As Sunghoon carefully headed towards the bathroom he stood still in the doorframe, seeing you with bloody hands sitting on the cold tile. His eyes widened in fear and he ran to you, holding your shoulders and turning you to him.

“Y/n! Are you here? Do you hear me?” he enquired with fear slightly shaking you. 

Your eyes shoot opened “Hoon? What are you doing here?” 

“What do you mean? I came home as usual. What’s happened?..” he looked over you with worried eyes “We need to take you to the hospital.” 

Sunghoon started lifting you up but you stopped him lightly tapping his shoulder. 

“No… It’s okay…” You weakly smiled, tears on your cheeks becoming dry.

“It’s not okay. Your wrists are literally bleeding…” You could tell he was trying his hardest to stay calm but hysterical notes in his voice were telling the opposite. Sunghoon laid you on the bed and called the ambulance with shaky hands.When the call ended the room went silent. 

“We need to stop your… blood first” He hurried to the bathroom for some bandage to negligently stop your blood. Fortunately, cuts weren’t deep.

“I thought you wouldn’t come…” you mumbled watching Sunghoon treating your wounds.

Sunghoon looked at you with confusion “Why did you do that?.. I don’t understand…” His voice was quiet, your heart breaking into million pieces. 

“I’m sorry…” you whispered reaching for his cheek. “I thought… I thought you lied to me. You weren’t answering my texts and calls…” Your thumb slowly caressed his skin, wiping away a lonely tear that escaped from his watering eyes. Sunghoon gently took another hand of yours in his, rubbing the knuckles.

“My phone was discharged…” 

Oh. That was so stupid of you. How could you overreact so much?..

“Oh… I didn’t think about that…” The room went silent again. 

“Y/n, please… I’m begging you. Never do that again. Okay?..” Sunghoon’s pleading voice broke the silence. You hesitated before slowly nodding. “I don’t want to lose you like that.”

Your eyes watered, you started realising your mistake and what you did, what could happen. “I’m sorry, Hoon… I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The room was suddenly filled with a syren of the ambulance that flew from the opened window.

[lynnaredfield3383]

Kenma's Crush - PT 2

(Not my Characters. Aged up 21. Fem reader.)

Kenma nearly pounced on you when you and Kuroo walked in. You figured his anxiety was higher than normal and followed him to his room. Noticing he was still in his meeting clothes you figured he wanted to change before mingling.

“Sorry, I uh…Just a bit on edge,” Kenma admitted sitting on his bed.

“I get that. Anything you wanna talk about?” You asked gently, sitting beside him.

“Hmm. You look nice,” Kenma spoke shyly.

You had to wait a minute because he spoke so softly you weren't sure you heard right.

“Thanks. I was being stupid.”

Kenma looked over at you, your chin resting on your fists as you leaned on your knees.

“What do you mean?”

“Trying to prove a point, but it's stupid. I wanted the guys to see me as me and not “one of the guys” if you get what I mean. See, it's stupid.”

“I don't understand. Did you want to date one of them?”

You looked over at Kenma in absolute horror.

“No thanks. Ick.”

Kenma chuckled at your response.

“I see you, if that makes any difference.”

You froze at his sweetness and then hugged him trying not to cry.

“It does. You are the best. Thanks for making me feel better in like 2 seconds.”

Kenma hugged you back inhaling your scent happily, while playing with your hair. When you moved to pull away Kenma held you tighter.

“Can we stay like this a bit longer? It calms me down.”

“Of course…Also, you look really good tonight.”

“Thanks. You're really cold. Do you want some of my clothes?”

Kenma pulled back looking at your mostly bare legs. He wanted to touch them and see if they were as soft as he thought, but he knew it wasn't the time.

“Unless you have pants for a big ass like mine, I'll manage.”

“You have a beautiful body…I mean I…”

Kenma was full red and you smiled leaning over and kissing his cheek.

“You are the sweetest thing ever. Thanks for being you.”

“I'm gonna change if you don't mind…”

“Oh sure, I'll see…”

“You can stay. My clothes are in the closet anyway,” Kenma smiled standing up, moving into his closet.

“You sure? You won't be uncomfortable?”

Kenma smiled finding it harder and harder not to tell you how he felt.

“Not at all. Is that Iwaizumi's jersey?”

You looked down wanting to rip it off, but calmed yourself.

“Yeah.”

“Would you want one of my shirts or hoodies?” Kenma asked sounding calm, but his heart was racing.

You stood up and walked to the closet, surprised when you saw his bare back. The cute little dip right above the waistline of his slacks had you blushing and turning away.

“Sorry, I…Yes. Please,” you swallowed hard.

Kenma smiled when he saw you'd turned your back. Maybe you did like him. Only one way to find out.

“Here. I know you like this one.”

You turned expecting him to be dressed, but he was still shirtless and now his slacks were unbuttoned revealing a v-cut NO ONE would suspect on him. Your temperature shot through the roof as your face turned red.

“Sorry…I…You're awfully forward tonight. Are you and Kuroo playing a prank or something?”

You calmed yourself immediately figuring it was Kuroo trying to get you all freaked out.

“No. You've seen me shirtless before.”

Kenma shrugged as he turned back to his clothes. You held his hoodie and moved away from the closet tossing the jersey in the trash bin by the door. You pulled the hoodie over your head and immediately buried your face in the collar. You had no idea what cologne Kenma wore, but damn he smelled great.

Kenma pulled on a pair of sweats and a shirt before walking back to where you lay on his bed looking up at the ceiling. The expanse of leg you showed had him blushing now as his eyes moved up to your luscious thighs. He always imagined they were soft warm pillows he could fall asleep on.

“Thanks.”

Kenma stood with the small box he had. It was for you, but he didn't know how to do this.

“I have something for you.”

You sat up, curious, but excited. Last time he gave you something it was the cutest kitty plush you'd ever seen and it was soft. You still slept with it.

“If it's another kitty plush, imma kiss you,” you spoke excitedly.

Kenma chuckled, now wishing he'd gotten you a plush. Sitting next to you he held the box in his hand.

“No, but I'll keep that in mind for next time.”

You laughed, nudging him gently.

“Next time…You don't have to spoil me, I'm not your girlfriend.”

“I want you to be,” the words tumbled out before he could stop them.

You froze, carefully examining his expression. His cheeks were pink, his gaze continually darted away from you.

“Kenma…Are you serious?”

“Hmm. Here,” he handed you the box.

You hesitated opening it. Looking from him to the box and back again until you accepted that he was serious.

You set the box down on the bed and moved to him cupping his cheek. You met his eyes and your chest warmed up.

You leaned in, continuing when he didn't freeze up or pull away. You kissed him gently, surprised when one hand buried itself in your hair and the other landed against your lower back pulling you into him.

"Okay, now it's time for me to kick your butt at Mario Kart," you laughed pulling away.

Kenma caught your hand as you stood up.

"Wait...Is that, uhm, yes?"

"Of course," you kissed his forehead.

"Don't think I'm letting you win, just because you're my girlfriend now," Kenma followed you, his tone serious.

"I wouldn't dream of it," you winked at him.

[elliebean714]

Don’t know if you still doing tumblr but just in case. How about

The until dawn character’s find their lover (reader) crying because R told them they had a nightmare that they lost them to the Wendigos

Absolutely, I'd love to!💕 more character reactions plz! I love doing themm💖 haven't played the remake, I know theres a way for josh to survive now, but I don't know the details, so if this is inaccurate to that sorryyyy. love you Joshuaaaa. Also a new sam ending? But i dont know what makes it do special yet so, ya, nothing new in this lol. MORE SAM, ASH, EM, MIKE, AND JESS REQS PLZZZZ I LOVE WRITING THEM BUT I NEED PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM TO GIVE IDEAS RRAAAAHHHHHH. (Ofc my boys joshhhhh, Chris and matt are always welcome, but I've written a good amount for them, not much for the others) small tw for panic attacks in Sam and Matt's. If i had to have a panic attack in front of any until dawn characters, they would be the only correct answers lmao.

Until Dawn Character Reactions

GN!Reader had nightmares about losing them

Angst With LOTS of Comfort, exactly what you'd expect lol

Josh Washington

It's nearly 3:00 am when you wake up, shaking and crying.

You look to see him in bed next to you, he's taken to staying over much more frequently since that night, your presence is one of the few things capable of getting him comfortable enough to sleep.

Josh wakes up soon after you've curled yourself into him, your arms wrapping loosely around his chest and his shoulder.

"Hey," he rubs your back gently "Hey, I'm here..." sitting up properly, he rubs his sleepy eyes before pulling you into his lap "take your time. Tell me what's wrong when you're ready"

You cry silently for a few minutes all while Josh holds you and kisses your head

Eventually, you speak up in a shaky voice "I had that stupid nightmare again. That one with you..." you trail off, taking a deep breath, his smell comforting you

"Y/N..." Josh's hold tightens subconsciously "I'm sorry." His voice drops to a whisper "I'm so sorry..."

When you feel him start to sob silently, you bring your face up to his, your fingers caress his cheeks

"No, no, no, no, shhh..." you kiss his forehead "I'm not mad at you, babe! Don't think that at all."

"You wouldn't be so hurt if I didn-" Josh starts

You interrupt him with a kiss "Shut up, you didn't know. You made a mistake, yeah, but you had no idea those monsters were up there." You pause, letting him calm down a bit before continuing "i get those nightmares about losing you because I love you. When that thing almost killed you- fuck... I've never been that scared in my life. I'm not going to ever get that image out of my head..."

He kisses your temple and plays with your hair while you speak. Once you finish, he speaks up "I have bad dreams too. Of you being in the lodge when it blew up. Or the monster taking your head off, or..." He sighs, cradling you "so many things, but we're okay. We made it out. It's going to get better eventually. We'll get through it together, baby."

Josh holds you for a few more minutes, until you've calmed down fully. He lays back down, and pulls you on top of him. You wrap your arms around each other, and soon after, you both fall into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

Sam Giddings

It was a normal date night at first

Ice cream and tea, then a nice walk through the park. Everything was perfect.

Your parents let her stay over, as they usually do. They absolutely adore her, and they see how much she brightens you up when she's around. And you seem to not have panic attacks as often anymore

But you still get them

Like tonight. You're watching some old show, cuddling under the covers when you drift off to sleep

It's only for a few minutes, maybe 15 at most, but stuck in the agony of your head, it feels like hours.

She's being chased by josh the psycho, she's trapped in the mine, she's still hiding with the Wendigo screaming at her in the lodge- she's being caught and dragged to god knows here, she's slowly losing her mind and starving, she's being massacred- nonononononononotsam pleasenotsam nonononononono-

"Hey, Y/N..." you feel her gently shaking your shoulder "Wake up, it's just a nightmare, I'm right here" her voice is soothing, assuring, but it does little to prevent the inevitable

Your head feels fuzzy, your heart is pounding, fuck- fuck- you sit up, "No- no, I cant- I can't breathe-" you clutch your shirt just above your heart in an attempt to anchor you to reality "sam- Sam, where are you?"

She puts her hands on your upper arms and hugs you from the side "I'm still here. You're okay, baby. You're going to be okay."

"I cant- sam- help me, please-"

"Okay, let's try counting to 10." She starts counting slowly and clearly, giving you something to focus on, her beautiful voice. After a few counts, you join in, it takes a while, but your breathing does eventually level out.

"Sorry- sorry that's so embarrassing" you let out an uneven breath as Sam shakes her head

"Shush, there's nothing embarrassing about it. Absolutely nothing." She kisses your temple "was it the regular nightmares again?"

"No, no, they were about you this time."

Sam lets you lay your head on her shoulder while she rubs your back "oh, honey..."

A comfortable silence falls between the two of you before she speaks up "I wish I could make them all stop. I wish there was some magical thing I could say and we'd be back to who we were before, but..." She sighs "I'm not going anywhere. I can't fix everything, but I won't leave you, Y/N. Someday all these horrible things will just be distant memories, I swear. I love you"

You kiss her, a small hint of a smile on your face "I love you too" then you both return to watching the show. It was a really good date night.

Chris Hartley

You'd taken to staying up late and studying together since you got into the same college, and by some miracle, the same dorm

Chris is typing away on his laptop while you're trying to memorise a paragraph from a textbook you've read a hundred times.

Fuck this is so boring- you rub your eyes, what time is it?? You yawn and check your phone: almost midnight

As if reading your mind, Chris stretches and yawns "God damn, its late, and I've gotta get this done tonight." He stands up "I'm going to grab some coffee, want some?"

"Be right back." He says after you nod, rubbing your weary eyes

After he's gone, you lie back on the bed, it'd be so good to sleep right now... maybe just for a couple minutes... you'll be up before he's back...

Then you hear a screech

You see a snowy night

You're stuck behind a door- this door

A huge explosion, or something similar starts the scene, Chris sprinting towards the door with a limp and the Wendigo is hot on his heels

Your hand is immediately on the handle, ready to pull it open, but when you try, it's locked... NO! You pull it again, c'mon, c'mon, OPEN-

"Y/N, help!" Chris pounds in the door "please- it's coming, help!" He looks over his shoulder at the monster as you attempt to open it, becoming more and more frantic "pleas-"

Four long, sharp fingers pierce his neck and pull his head off

"NO!" You wake up, shivering and in tears. Sitting up quickly, you see that Chris hasn't returned

Shit... you grab a tissue from the box on the bedside table to wipe your face. It's been a long since you had a nightmare... must be the lack of sleep

Chris comes back into the dorm while you're crying. "Hey, woah, what happened?" He puts the coffees on the desk then hurries over to check on you.

His thumb grazes over your cheek as he tries to get you to look at him "baby, what happened?"

"Nothing, nothing, I just..." you shake your head "I think I fell asleep for a minute." You sigh, taking a deep breath "and I had a nightmare, or something."

"Aw, jeez, I'm sorry" He guides you into a hug "Wanna tell me about it?

While you explain what you saw, he rubs your back and plays with your hair, you sigh, "It really freaked me out."

"Yeah, that uh... really messed me up too." Chris pauses "I didn't realise how much that scared you"

"Neither did i. I've been trying to forget, but..." you trail off, trying to think of a reason

"You're probably sleep deprived, we've been studying super hard since we got here," Chris scoffs "and I can't remember the last good night's sleep either of us had."

"So you think i should sleep through it?" You lift your head to look at him properly

He nods "it probably won't happen again tonight. And if it does, I'll be here to help you."

You shake your head "I need to study, I have a test soon and-" he laughs at you "what??"

"You and I both know you're just staring at the same point of the page for hours, there's no reason for you to stay awake. Just head to bed, ill finish my homework as soon as I can, then join you."

You try to protest, but what's the point? Reading that paragraph for another hour won't make it any clearer. Sleep might.

Chris takes your stuff off the bed and you crawl under the covers, it only takes a few minutes after Chris gives you a good night kiss to fall asleep. It's the best night's sleep you've had in ages. Finally things start making sense in class! Maybe this is why people talk about healthy sleep schedules all the time...

Ashley Brown

She likes to read you to sleep.

It's nice to share her love of reading and stories with you, and it's good practice for speaking aloud in a safe, loving environment

But it's mostly the way you snuggle up to her, hugging her loosely, and burying your face in the crook of her neck, your weight is her favourite security blanket.

Her fingers gently play with your hair as she reads, she's certain you're asleep by now, so she's just reading to herself, when she feels you stir

"N-no, ash- please-" you whimper

"Shh, shh, its alright, honey..." Ashley hums a gentle tune to soothe you, but it doesn't work, you continue to mumble and whimper

It only gets worse

She feels you burry yourself more into her neck, your breathing quicken and a few tears spill

"Aw, babe..." Ashley quickly marks the page and puts the book down, before fully paying attention to you "it's alright... its okay." She fiddles with your stray hairs and kisses your temple

A few moments pass "Ashley... no- no- not Ashley-" you sob helplessly in her arms while she continues to try to shush and calm you, becoming more desperate, until you finally wake up in a state of shock

You sit up, trying to give her space "sorry, I didn't..." you trail off

"Shh, c'mere, I miss you" Ashley pulls you back down on top of her "was it that nightmare? You seemed really distressed."

Your eyes flutter closed for a moment when her hands return to your hair. "Mhm... that one- in the tunnel. If I didn't go back for you..."

"Yeah, you totally saved my life." She comments, lifting your face a little so uou can see the deep appreciation in her eyes

"But- if I didnt- if I was late- Ashley..." tears prick at the corner of your eyes again "I don't know if I could live without you. I need you."

She kisses your nose "You're adorable. And I don't know what I did to deserve you, and I can't believe how lucky we both got! I mean how many times did we think we were going to die, but didn't?"

"Ash- I just saw it happen- I keep seeing it in different ways, the saw, the gun, the tunnel, the lodge- it feels like every time I close my eyes I'm watching you suffer, I can still hear you screaming sometimes when I'm alone- I just want it to stop- I want to be normal."

"I'm sorry, beautiful. I'm so sorry." She rubs your back "I think this is our normal. Being terrified of the dark, and being alone, and rounding corners, and silence. Being haunted by the things we saw, and what we didn't see. Feeling guilty, and angry, and depressed and anxious, and different. That's normal now. It's impossible to live with alone, but we're together. We have each other as constant reminders what we have, and what we lost. I don't know if it'll ever get better, but there's nobody I'd rather support and be supported by than you."

Ashley takes a deep breath, clearly unused to speaking that long. You smile "seems like the reading aloud has helped a bit"

She blushes, kisses you on the cheek and picks up the book again "Shush, dork." It takes you a minute to get comfortable, they might not ever go away, but waking up in her arms, on her couch all snuggled up is the coziest thing you can imagine. Your life is more livable, because she is in it.

Matt Taylor

The movie theatre was packed

It was the release night of some big action movie everyone had supposedly been waiting years for

He was significantly more excited for the movie, you just loved spending time with him

You and Matt sat along the isle, next to the stairs. It was dark, and cold, so you snuggled up into his side

A little over an hour into the movie, you doze off. You know you shouldn't, but it's so warm and comfy, and his heartbeat was such a soothing pulse, how could you resist?

It was a light sleep, you could still hear parts of the movie, like the screaming, the crashing, explosions... Matt-

Nononono-Getoffhim! Lethimgo- please-matt-nononononono-

The thing is dragging him along the mine shaft while he desperately looks for something- the flare gun Emily kept to herself- shit

You try to scream, try to move, but you're completely paralysed. Nonononono- fuck- stop- matt- nononononono- yourehurtinghim- please

A final scream leaves him, then you hear him start to choke on his own blood- MATTNONONONONONOSOMEBODYHELPHIM- you feel tears start to stream down your face

A huge explosion in the movie wakes you- itssodark- itssoloud- itssocrowded- shit- gottagetout-

You jump from your seat, sprint down the stairs and out the theatre.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-

People are staring- fuck-

There's nowhere to sit, nowhere to hide- fuck- you collapse against the wall

Stopstopstopstop- your heart beats way too fast, so fast you begin to think you're having a heart attack. You curl your legs into your chest and hide your face

Please stop staring...

You hyperventilate, you tap on the floor, you shake, shit- am I dying?

"Y/N! Oh my god, you scared me, honey." Matts voice cuts through the static

He places a hand on your shoulder and pulls it away immediately when you jump at the sudden touch "can you please get them some water?" You hear him ask some passer-by. Please stop staring.

You continue to shake "Matt- matt I think I'm dying- help me-" you lift your head, god- the world feels like its spinning- to look at him the best you can "I'm scared"

"I know, it's gonna be okay- thank you," he hands you the cold bottle of water the person just brought over "can you drink? Or are you breathing too hard? You could use it to cool yourself down...?"

Matt is so scared right now, this is the first time this has ever happened, at least in front of him. He has absolutely no idea what to do, or how to calm you down. "Could you- uh- do you- shit- I'm making this worse aren't I?"

You nod a little, making him laugh "s-sorry, c-can you breathe? Like," he imitates deep and relaxed breathing "can you try to do that?" You try to, you really try, but it's so hard to focus on your breath when it feels like your heart is going to collapse in on itself

"Hey, it's alright, can I touch you?" He waits until you give him permission to sit beside you and start rubbing your back "tell me what you need, what can I do?"

"Umm- umm-" your foot jitters against the floor "just- is anybody staring at me?"

Matt looks around for a few seconds "N-no, no, I don't think so. Hey, there's a seat over there, can you move?"

He helps you stand and shakily walk to the seat, your legs are so fragile they can barely hold your weight. "M'sorry- shit, I'm so sorry-"

Matt seems surprised by your sudden apology "Woah, babe, no! No, it's completely fine, just try to drink some water an-"

You shake your head "No, Matt, the movie, I ruined your night, I'm so sorry" you tear up, the guilt eating at you

"What the? Y/N, you didn't do anything wrong. You just- I don't know, but it's not your fault. Okay? And even if it was, it's a dumb movie, I'll live. I can see it again. You matter more." He rubs your back again

You take a slow sip of water "I- I fell asleep for a little bit. I... fuck- I saw that fucking thing..."

"What? What do you mean, what did you see, babe?" His hand finds your cheek, and his thumb brushes away some tears

"The- whatever that fucking thing on the mountain was." You answer, someone must've told you what it was at some point, but you can't remember in your state "I've been trying to forget- I don't know why I started freaking out, it just-" you take a deep breath "just came out of nowhere"

"I'm sorry I'm so bad at taking care of you," he laughs, trying to lightens the mood a little "I'll, uh, definitely look up how to calm you down in case that happens again"

"Thanks, babe" you scoff, leaning down to lay your head on his shoulder

After a couple minutes, he asks "Wanna go back home or get some ice cream?"

Emily Davis

No-one would say Emily was a particularly loving or affectionate person, but if you were a good partner she'd be sure to treat you very well. Spoil you even.

She wanted to reward you for being such a good S/O, so she's treating you a nice romantic getaway

A whole weekend! Staying in a fancy hotel, getting spa treatments, going shopping, expensive restaurants!!

Its perfect, so perfect it almost makes you forget the other weekend getaway..

Until you're both sound asleep... and that screech, that screech thats haunted you for months, starts another nightmare, the mine. Its always the fucking mine

You're both sprinting as fast as you can-

Stmbling over yourselves-

It's dark, confusing, shit- shit- how do you get out?!

Emily screams next to you, you turn to see the Wendigo has a hold on her- NO!

It sticks its giant sharp fingers into her eyes and-

You're suddenly back in your hotel room- okay- okay- okay- you take deep breaths to steady yourself...

The sound of her gentle breaths anchor you

It's okay, you're fine, she's fine, you're safe.

You left the bed to grab some water, but almost like she could feel your absence, Emily stirs from her sleep "Ugh, why are you up?" She yawns, rubbing her eyes

"I just had a bad dream, I'm fine" you sip the water and admire how adorable she is. "You're gorgeous"

"Mmh, I know." She hums, pleased "what kind of bad dream, babe?"

You shrug and take another sip of water "the mine one again."

Emily slowly get out of bed to sit beside you at the table "Me or you?"

"You. But it was over quickly. I think I'm starting to get used to them. Is that bad?"

She thinks for a moment, still waking up a little "No? I don't think so. They don't seem to freak you out as much anymore, which is good. Not a fan of you being used to watching me die though."

You scoff and sip more water "that's not what I meant, Cutie."

Emily rolls her eyes "I know, I know" she picks up your hand "I am glad you're getting better though."

"Awe, you're such a softie." You tap her nose, she looks away bashfully

"Whatever. Don't mention it to anyone or I'll kill you."

You giggle at her and kiss her cheek "Oh, I can keep secrets. You know that"

"Good pet." Emily gives you a head pat "now let's go back to bed. It's 2 in the morning"

She leads you over to the bed "do you want to be little spoon or big?

Mike Munroe

You're in the sanatorium with Mike guiding you and the Wendigos chasing right behind

He's shooting aimlessly to give you both more room, until you reach a locked door- shit

They're closing in- one grabs your arm, you scream- "MIKE!!"

In a moment he's pulled you out of its hold, but it takes him instead

"No!" You cry, the Wendigo slashes his neck and chest "Mike-" the life leaves his eyes as he bleeds out

The other Wendigo jumps on you and starts mauling yo-

You wake up in tears, shaking- "Mike..." you whimper, quickly picking up your phone to call him, after a few tries he finally picks up

"Y/N? You alright? It's 4 in the morning" His voice is groggy, husky.

"I had a nightmare- can you come here please?" You beg through tears.

"Come to your room in the middle of the night? Your dad will kill me." He jokes

"I'm serious, Mike. I need you" You implore

Hearing your desperate plea gives him pause "Okay, I'll head over then. Are you gonna be okay?"

"Mhm" you nod "ill open my window for you."

Twenty minutes later, you hear him climbing up to your window "Hi, gorgeous." He flashes his charming smile as soon as he sees you through the open window

"Hi..." you help him climb inside and wrap your arms around him once he's standing upright

"What happened, babe?" His hand goes straight to your back, rubbing in soothing circles.

"Remember when we were in the sanatorium?" You sniffle, still crying gently. "I just- had a nightmare about it. I saw you die- and- and then they went after me- it was so horrible."

"Oh, honey..." He guides you to the bed then starts petting your hair with his free hand "it's alright, I'm here. I won't let them get you" You can hear that smile in his voice

You roll your eyes "yeah, I know. In my dream you died protecting me."

"Sounds about right." He drops his cocky demeanour for a moment "I mean it, though." He gently pulls your face out of his chest so you can meet his gaze "I won't let anything get you. I'll always be here for you. I'll always protect you, Y/N. I love you."

"I love you too, Mike..." He brings you in closer for a kiss.

You guys lie in the bed and snuggle, and eventually fall asleep until-

The jingle of your alarm goes off, 7:30am. You wake up in Mike's arms, warm and cozy, you stay like that for a few more seconds before hearing your dad's footsteps down the hallway makes you fully alert

Shit- "Mike!!" You whisper, shoving him in an attempt to wake him "Mike you gotta get up, you gotta go!"

"Mmh- what? Oh, hi, beautiful..." He didn't properly hear you, he just sees the gorgeous person he's in bed with

"Mike! My dad's up, you gotta go, dummy!"

"Oh- Shit!" He quietly exclaims then jumps out of bed and hurries to the window.

"Wait-" he runs over to kiss you, "see you soon, gorgeous." Before sneaking out of your room

Jess Riley

Sleepoverrrr!!!!!

Omg you guys had the BEST night.

Junk food, old cheesy romcoms, prank calls, painting nails, cute shit like that

Pretty juvenile, but it made Jess happy so you absolutely were not complaining

You'd basically devoted yourself to making her happy after that night.

She was so scared, so traumatised and hurt, that you tried to shut out your own feelings in order to prioritise her, and it was working... until tonight.

Jess fell asleep in your arms around half way through the 4th or 5th movie of the night and you decided to turn it off and join her. It wasn't long until you were fast asleep and it all come flooding back...

You were stuck in the mines again, looking desperately for jess- jeez, you remembered spending hours down there searching for her, encountering the monster several times, almost dying in a million different ways

And it just kept getting worse, you finally found her- oh god- look at her- your heart breaks all over again, she was absolutely brutalised, covered head to toe in slashes, barely able to stand, barely able to talk, oh, baby...

You took her hand and guided her out of the mine, but that screech- that fucking screech- you froze, no- no- MOVE! You can't stay here, you gottamove-

The creature appears, MOVE, Y/N! MOVE, it jumps on Jess, you scream, "NO! Please- No-"

It lodges its fingers into her throat at rips her jaw off-

"NO-" you jolt upright, fuck- you take deep breaths- nonono- you look beside you, Jess is roused from her sleep next to you.

"Y/N...?" She mumbles

"Shh, Shh, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, go back to sleep, sweetheart." You pet her head gently, fingers grazing the scar

"What happened? You were yelling..." Jess sits up slowly, leaning against you

"I just got a bit of a scare in my sleep. I'm okay, you can go back to bed"

"Y/N..." She whines a little "Please tell me what happened. You never talk about anything."

Youd love to open up, but you need to be strong, she needs someone strong "Jess, I'm alright, I swear-"

"Please, I don't like when you're scared."

"I just- I had a bad dream, but I'm okay, you are what matters,"

"You matter too,"

You shake your head "babe, that night..." your fingers trail over her scars "you were so hurt, you need a strong partner"

"Honey, that's not-"

"Jess, you need someone who won't break down whenever they remember what happened to you. You need someone who- who isn't weak- you need someone who isn't scared, you don't need my problems" you say, desperately trying to not cry

"Y/N..." She takes your hand "I don't want a robot, I want you"

"You need someone to be strong, you're hurting so much, you shouldn't have to deal with my sad shit"

"Shut up, dork!" She cradles your face in her hands "I adore you! I want you to open up to me. I- I want you to relate to me. I already feel so alone, I don't need you hiding a huge part of your feelings from me. I need you, I need you to show me you're hurting too, I need you to show me in not alone."

You felt enormous guilt at her pleading and pulled her into a hug, "ill- ill tell you everything. I promise, I don't ever want you to feel like that. I'm so sorry Jessie. I love you."

"I love you too, cutie."

♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆

~Elliebean714

[halfbaked00q]

Is there a fic where, like, Bond and Q are together but maybe not TOGETHER-together, and Q says something one day that is like flippant or dismissive and accidentally hurts Bond's feelings slash lowkey breaks his heart.

But like Bond doesn't get all stormy and angry about it, he gets kind of. like still and quiet and seems to accept it but then clearly Q has fucked up because going forward Bond is perfectly cordial, but markedly more... impersonal. And Q realizes oh, shit, he fucked up. And has to try to make things up to Bond, so he sets off on courting Bond- basically, he has to put the work into winning Bond back and convincing him he's serious and sorry for breaking his heart and won't willfully do so again

If not, then, man, I want a fic where Q and Bond are together but like Bond is rather serious about it and Q thinks it's casual, and makes some unintentionally cruel comment about their thing dismissing its seriousness, the concept of Bond being serious about it, Bond's capacity for seriousness and/or etc. It's a very *gets quiet* is that really what you think about me? kind of moment.

And when Q realizes he blunders he expects James to push back or even get angry and verbally retaliate, but instead he gets very quiet and puts his agent face on and is like, my apologies Quartermaster it seems like I was the one here who didn't quite understand what was happening, if you will excuse me- and then leaves before Q can tell him to wait or call him back.

And then Q kind of waits for the other shoe to drop or like, what if Bond will try to avoid him- but he doesn't, it's as if nothing had happened between the two of them. The next time they run into each other at Six it's maddenly normal and casual, but impersonal, exactly like what an encounter with a familiar and friendly - but not intimate - work colleague would be like at work.

Q finally is like. Wait, Bond. James. Do you want to... go back to my place after work? To which James pauses, but gracefully and noncommittally demurs, like. well I'm not sure about tonight, perhaps some other time. And bows out of the encounter smoothly and seamlessly (maybe they were in an elevator or something and oh ah this is my floor, have a good day, Quartermaster.)

Q abandons whatever he was doing and beelines it to Eve's desk for a crisis talk and she takes one look at him and drags him to some empty conference room or sth. And the whole story comes out. Can't decide if Bond would have talked to Eve about it or not- I'm kind of inclined to say no. But maybe this has been going on a while at this pt and she's noticed the weirdness between the two of them.

Anyway Q knows he's fucked up but he doesn't know how to fix it, and Eve is like, well what do you want out of all of this, do you really want to fix it? And I think Q should realize no yeah I do want something serious with Bond and also I did take him for granted/as a sure thing but really I should be doing more proactively to show I want to be serious but also to make up the ground for how I hurt him. (And I think there should be a moment where Eve tells him just make sure to be careful with Bond, don't hurt him more, and Q is like yeah no I realize that now and I fucked up and that's on me and I don't want to hurt him, I want to be careful with his heart and his trust (distinction made here that this trust is like, trust with his heart, cuz like they still work great together like they still trust each other professionally- it's the matters of the heart that got tricksy).

And so he sets off trying to woo Bond. First off they probably need to talk so Q probably is like, hey can I talk to you. And then lays out that he's realized some things and he realized he blundered and he may not have meant to do it but he did hurt him and in a sense violated a sort of implicit trust Bond entrusted to him, and that he wants to make things up to Bond. So he's gonna properly woo him. (which I'm thinking will leave Bond rather bemused but he's like, well all right) (but like yes, just saying sorry is not enough, whether he intended to or not his actions broke Bond's trust so now he has to show that he IS serious about this and will take it seriously and etc)

So then cue all of the corny romantic gestures that Bond maybe isn't used to experiencing but which are, like, those little gestures of love. He plans a series of thoughtful and lovely dates, gives him meaningful little gifts and treats, maybe some lovely bouquets of soft fragrant flowers, that kind of thing. Just like, all sorts of thoughtful careful tenderness that I think Bond wouldn't have had much occasion to experience or indulge in in his life. And Bond does go into it rather bemused and thinking it's not necessary, but then part way through he's like oh no yeah this really is really nice and it IS healing the part of me that had been kind of emotionally at arm's length waiting for the sort of return to form.

But yeah lol I am wanting something were, like, Q is the one who fucks up emotionally and then is the one to woo Bond, and Bond gets to experience some love and tenderness and be the one pursued romantically for a change.