#sorry if this looks m*****r to the viewers

[valiantstarlights]

[Dreamling Week Day 1: Meowpheus] 5 Pictures of Dream as Meowpheus, and 1 Picture of Dream as Himself

No CWs here! This is just humor and fluff. Enjoy! 🖤

ONE

Image Description: A selfie of Johanna Constantine inside The New Inn. It's early in the morning. She is in her white coat, but it's dirty, and she looks like she wrestled with a mud monster and lost. She has a full pint of beer in front of her and 2 large plates of Full English Breakfast. Behind her to the left is Hob, cleaning the bar counter. He looks like he is arguing with a large black cat who is unimpressed with his debate skills.

Caption:

JohannaC: Breakfast of champions. 😴 (Ignore the photobombers. This isn't about them.)

Comments:

RickyVicary: Is that guy arguing with a cat?

JohannaC: I said ignore them, Ric.

--

TWO

Image Description: A screenshot of an online class. Professor Gadling is lecturing while a large black cat is draped across his nape like a scarf. Its tail has flicked and in doing so has given Professor Gadling a fur mustache.

The Chat:

Kenneth D: whoa that's a large chonky bastard

Anastasia M: HOW DARE YOU they are magnificent

Barbara M: His! name is Meowfie. I saw him with Prof G in The New Inn the other day and that's what he called him.

Anastasia M: MEOWFIE SUPREMACY

Kenneth D: he (cat) looks like he's reading the chat

Anastasia M: Your Majesty blink twice if you think Prof G is hot

Anastasia M: OMG he blinked twice

Barbara M: Stace cats have to blink too you know.

Kenneth D: @stacey - ofc prof g is hot. in other news water is wet

Barbara M: @ken DO NOT FINISH THAT THOUGHT

Professor Gadling: You guys know I can see the chat too, right?

Anastasia M: Oops? Sorry Prof G! Continue ranting abt Shookypooky please 😊

--

THREE

Image Description: Meowfie sitting primly and very proudly in front of an empty shoerack. In front of him is a piece of paper with writing on it. The penmanship is Hob's. Written on the paper is: "I hide Hob's shoes so he wouldn't leave me alone."

Caption:

HobGadling88: send help meowfie is keeping me hostage

Comments:

BethAnnY: I like that Meowfie calls Prof G 'Hob' instead of something traditional like 'Father.'

SeyCil3R: that's because Meowfie is the king of the house and Prof G is just his manservant who caters to his every whim.

HobGadling88: If he doesn't give me back my shoes, both of us are gonna starve because the food situation is getting dire.

SimonDidNotSay: oh no meowfie pls give back prof g's shoes! 😨

--

FOUR

Image Description: Hob is holding Meowfie in his arms trying to calm him down. On the floor is a destroyed Baby Yoda plushie, and its cotton stuffings are everywhere. Meowfie is looking disdainfully down at it, and is clinging to Hob with his paws. Hob is looking at the camera like he's in The Office.

Caption:

HobGadling88: Sorry @JohannaC. I told you he'd be jealous.

Comments:

JohannaC: You should have made him sit next to a sign that says, "I killed Grogu because Hob was interacting with it for like 5 seconds (which is 5 seconds too long) and I'm a slut for his attention."

HobGadling88: He wants me to tell you he doesn't appreciate you calling him a slut.

JohannaC: tell him I said fuck off and eat litterbox sand bc what I said is 100% true

HobGadling88: He says he'll give you nightmares about eating litterbox sand.

JohannaC: fucking worth it tbh

TransCirillaFiona: A wild ride from start to finish. 😌🙏

KathryneKey: Agreed. Very compelling plot. 10/10

JohannaC: tell him im sorry but that i still think he's a slut

KathryneKey: 👀👀👀👀👀 MEOWFIE HAS SUPERPOWERS CONFIRMED

--

FIVE

Image Description: Hob's home office looking like a hurricane hit it. There are shredded paper everywhere. If the viewer examines closely, they can see writing on these papers, as well as red markings. In the midst of the destruction is Meowfie, stretching luxuriously, looking absolutely unapologetic.

Caption:

HobGadling88: To all my students: I am so very sorry about this criminal. I will put him on a leash as soon as I upload this receipt of his capital crime. Rest assured, I have already uploaded your grades. But as you can see, I cannot give you back your test papers.

Comments:

DishonorOnYourFirelord: Absolutely no problem in my opinion. Meowfie just helped me with my paper clutter problem.

Nia_Ahmed: Who needs a paper shredder when you have a cat?

ParkSohee00: Don't jail Meowfie! He did nothing wrong! 🥺

TheRoseWalker: Show of hands those of you who don't want Prof G to jail Meowfie ✋️

margotGTG: ✋️

delphineyyy: ✋️

BrokenGaydar: ✋️

HobGadling88: This isn't a democracy, guys. I'm still grounding him.

NicoSolace: pls sir no it was just a mistake

JohannaC: Poor Meowfie 😂 No treats from Hob or 24/7 cuddles. Just jailtime and Hob's disappointed look (TM).

Liam2D20s: Monsters, both of you. 😭

--

+1

Image Description: A handsome dark-haired man wearing black from head to toe is sitting on a park bench. He is holding up a sign that says, "I regularly steal my boyfriend's clothes, his food, and his heart." His penmanship looks almost like a calligraphy font. Beside him sits Hob, who has an arm around his shoulder, and the other arm around his front, hand resting on the man's hip. They are looking at each other like no one else exists in the entire world. There is a second picture, which is mostly the same, except they are now kissing sweetly.

Caption:

HobGadling88: My sweet Dream. 🖤 Happy anniversary, you beautiful, lovely, darling menace. Still can't believe I get to kiss you like this after our 600k words worth of slowburn. (Photos were taken by my future sister-in-law. Thanks Tel!)

Comments:

MargeSorin: I have ascended happily into gay!heaven. 😇🙏

TransCirillaFiona: and I just exploded all over my room as rainbow colored glitter RIP me ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

TheRoseWalker: 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 AAAAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

renaissancegirl: Like they say in the movie, Jerry Maguire, "You had me at 600k words slowburn." Congrats Prof. G!! 🥰🥰🥰

JohannaC: Thanks for the warning. I won't be swinging by until the honeymoon is over. See you both next month!

SamRiegelsCube: A MONTH PLS MY BUSSY IS SHAKING

[admirxation]

˗ˏˋ admirxation's weekly fic recs ´ˎ˗

!! dark content ahead, material in this post is intended for 18+ viewers, please read the warnings the authors have provided, and continue at your own discretion !!

(2nd week) 12th May '24: after the first post of my weekly recommendations, it's safe to say that I will continue these for my own bookmarks and give some more authors love. I just wanted to make some notes that I will be a / before the username since I will have repeats of certain authors, and I don't want to bombard or bother them with a Sunday tag; my aim is to show love and appreciation, not flood someone's inbox with tags haha & plus there is a link to their work so u already know the author. ALSO feel free to comment down some more recommendations so I and other people can look at other fics, thank you. // p.s this is a shorter week, i’ve had to study for exams and i’ve been a bit obsessed with AI bots lmao <3

Resident Evil Recommendations

Denim [NSFW] {re4r!leon kennedy x fem!reader} ~ the reader's boyfriend comes home from an assignment still wearing his gear with a pair of jeans that were given to him by the reader; the sight drives the reader wild.

this was written by @/gigabyte-flare // omg how much I've missed their writings, I love their account sm and gotta say I am a big fangirl of their writing. this is a quick oneshot if anyone’s looking for a quick fix and ugh it hit the right spot. i’m sorry but leon in jeans YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM. i really love the domestic kinda vibes to fics like the established relationship and couple sex, i literally melt whenever i read them, especially when u have such an amazing writer like pixel setting the scene.

never penelope, always calypso [NSFW] {leon kennedy x reader} ~ Leon is married to Ashley and they have an open relationship which the reader gets involved with

this was written by @/miss-oranje-disco-dancer // first of all, the odyssey reference ATE, this was my favourite book in my first year of my degree, it was the book that kept me going in my degree after i was about to quit so whenever i hear anything about it i just eat it up. i love the progression of this narrative, the way it all starts as just casual, and loved the bit where the reader doesn’t want to be involved with cheating so she makes sure, such a small detail but i loved it. and honestly i could feel the way the readers heart ache as the story continued, even though ashley as a wife is distant within this fic the idea of her and what leon has with her is so well written, that dynamic of the wife and the yearned was excellent. i love this writer like, im beyond jealous of their writing style i wish i was that talented.

Crave [NSFW] {Las Plagas!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ soft loving sex with las plagas leon

this was written by @/belovedcloud . y’all know i love me some las plagas leon and omfg the things this fic did to me, I AM S C R E A M I N G AHHHHH. i loved the way the writer introduced him coming back and how he needs the reader, the writing of him craving was very well down, and very hot, one of my fav las plagas fics

daddy’s girl [NSFW] Step-dad!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ readers birthday and her father doesn’t turn up but her step father is there.

this was written by @/barleyo // AHAIDOCJSSJSOXJ ughhhh the line “let daddy love you” made me bang my head on the walls while i jumped like a spider on them, I AM GOING FERAL FOR THIS. honestly i loved the dynamic of being shocked at him leaning in for a kiss, and the description of it being wrong but just having to indulge like ummmpppthhh this was so well written, im glad i found this blog.

Jujutsu Kaisen Recommendations

surprise [NSFW] {Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader and established relationship with satoru gojo x reader} ~ Satoru comes home early to surprise his wife, but ends up surprised in seeing who she is with.

this was written by @/lemonlover1110 // i’m a toji and gojo girlie so having them both in a fic is ahehehehe im foaming at the mouth. IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT. like i felt sorry for gojo but ugh he’s such a little pervert and i love it, and the toji’s cocky personality with calling it out was *chefs kiss*. brb gonna curl myself up in a corner and go F E R E L.

the sorcerer killer [NSFW] {Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader} ~ Toji is hired to kill a woman but he finds her so beautiful that he needs to have some fun with her first.

this was written by @/lemonlover110 // oh look more Toji fics, we're not surprised nor mad because Toji is a need omfg i love him. i loved this oneshot, and ugh the flirting when he first sees the reader, and omfg the ending literally has me on all fours barking for him, ahh this blog is one of my literal favourites, especially with the Toji fics. all Toji girls must go to this blog and give them some love hehe

12:34am [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ blindfold play

this was written by @/chuluoyi // ugh i this was so good, blindfold fics are so hot, i love the blindfolding play, and the way the author described the sensation was just so well written. another one of my fav jjk blogs, i have loads of their works already in my ‘to read’ which i am trying to read through.

[foofenshmirtz]

Log #4 My Best Friends

Disclaimer, this Au goes into detail about death, mentions of sexual assault, cults, religion, gore, and explicit details about violence. viewer discretion is advised. I do not own any of the characters unless stated otherwise and everything is purely for entertainment purposes. I only own my writing.

My plans for today went completely down the drain. I was supposed to go try and get on Tims good side in an attempt to gain some favors but it started to rain and it seemed the 3 boys had disappeared from their side of the woods. ████   says they are most likely on patrol which makes me feel slightly bad due to the weather. I didn't let this get me down ( even if the roof to my cabin is leaking) 

████  and I have decided to just relax at home, or try to. I figured it would be productive to do some more logging and since I already have logs on myself, the 4 brothers and a few of the proxies, I figured it would also be beneficial to record my two best friends.

Yurei Reid: St Bernard    z██m██ dog     Age: 4   Weight: 120 pounds     

Yurei is the sweetest dog in the world. She has been my loyal service dog for around 4 years now and has helped me everyday we have been together. I love her like she's family and I would give her the world (she deserves it). She knows a many tricks and helps me h█n█ ████ ███ █s████e ████ ████████ it ████ ███████ ██ ██p ████ ███ f█e█h ██ ███ ███ br███ █e █████ c█r██p█  Shes such a good dog. Yurei Fun Facts:  She hates lemons Likes to hunt down mice Is nervous around men (mood) Insists on sleeping on top of me despite weight more than me Loves the snow

█████ ███g███ : Ghost  Age: 19? 29?  Weight: 0 pounds???  Height: could be around 5'4 (she floats)

████  won't tell me much about her past but if I had to guess due to her appearance she passed away in the hospital. I don't wanna pry much since it's probably a sensitive subject but she worries me sometimes. I can tell she tries to have a good time and have fun but there is just this overall sadness that seems to consume her body. Maybe that's a ghost thing but I wish I could help out in any way.

She won't tell me if she had any siblings or anything about her dad but she has talked about her mother a few times. Apparently her mother is very kind and is quite the baker but besides the food her mother made and how she always wanted to be a nurse. She sounds like a very nice lady and I had to guess she might still be alive. A few things Ly has told me are her interests, we often like to play games on my old ds and the shows she often references consist of ‘pretty little liars’ and ‘ jersey shore’. If I had to guess she was alive for the early 2010’s but not much past that. Ly is also very dramatic, she speaks a lot with her hands and knows how to ramble and gossip which isn't too surprising considering i'm the first person she has spoken to since her death, plus i like her dramatics. It helps me understand her body language better and how she is feeling. The three of us are a good trio.

████  Fun Facts Enjoys video games Is very competitive Very paranoid Speaks her mind (she rants a lot) Very good spy Makes me feel safer in the woods Is my best friend

The storm isn't dying down anytime today so I decided to draw ████. She hasn't seen what she looks like since she was alive and since she is a ghost she cant see herself in mirrors so i figured drawing her was the best i could do for her.

████  liked the drawing but afterwards told me to get rid of it. I didnt understand why and figured keeping it in the notebook would be fine. I dont understand why she wanted me to get rid of it.

I left the drawing in the notebook and when I came back the page was destroyed and ████  seemed upset. I'm sorry, I don't understand what I did wrong. She left to go somewhere in the woods, she didn't tell me where she was going but I'm a little worried, I know she cant get hurt but I wish she would tell me what made her so upset. 

Feelings are hard to understand.

Ly eventually came back, she seemed better and when i asked her what i did she just said it's best to not keep anything about her around to keep me safe. I don't understand what she meant but I trust her.

I just wish she would tell me why she needs to be secret.

Hey guys, just wanted to thank everyone who has been enjoying the story so far, i also posted this AU on tiktok along with photos specifically for them, and eventually it will also be on A03. The stories will all be the same obviously, but each platform might have its own hidden things in its specific post so if that's something that interests you my tiktok and A03 accounts will be in my bio. The next post is going to actually be the first chapter in the story and from now on the posting will consist of a log one day and then the next a chapter. Thank You.

[starsfungame]

Here's the video with the (less chaotic) Lunar Express! With the Train music from Animal Crossing in the background.

(Vague script below)

Wiz: Oh doodle, I'm on a subway!! CP: Cool. Nobody cares, though. H: I care! This is my first time riding with total strangers… Wiz: Oh, too true!

(Beat) R: (Use 'Where the Subway Going Rachel' audio) Wiz: No clue! H: Sorry, no! W: I'm not sure… M: I-I won't be much help… Mal: Wherever it wants to go. CP: Does it look like I care? T: yawn R: (Use 'Oh Rachel' audio)

(Beat) Mal: Weird talking remote person, there's no need to clam up over one question. T: Hey! She can talk whenever she wants to talk! Mal: I was not talking to you. W: He's right though, if the remote wants to talk, she can talk. T: Who said they were a girl? W: I'm just assuming they are because the voice sounds feminine..ish.

(Beat) Wiz: So, what do you think goes on in the other cart? (Muffled version of the 'I don't care but Theo' audio) CP: I don't think you want to know. Wiz: It sounds chaotic.

(Beat) Moon: Thank you for riding on The Lunar Express! We will be arriving at the show grounds shortly. In the meantime, why don't you answer the Viewer's questions while you wait! CP: Oh joy. Mana: I-It could be worse…

[acremi]

i have a request! how would Semi, Konoha, Aran, Kita, and Ushijima react to seeing their s/o got a necklace with their name on it?? 😩🥺♥️

REACTIONS TO THEIR S/O HAVING A NECKLACE WITH THEIR NAME ON IT

a/n: GRACIE!! gosh the happiness i feel when you pop up on my dash?? thanks for requesting! 💕 i think i shipped with you with sugawara and ōmimi too right? so i’m totally adding them + kenma! <33

pairings: aran, kenma, kita, konoha, omimi, sugawara, ushijima x reader

KENMA noticed your necklace as soon as you sat beside him to watch him play video games. he’s in the middle of a livestream, but he’s unable to mask his surprise when he sees his name engraved in the necklace. his chat is flooding with new comments from confused viewers, and he has to tear his eyes from it before his reaction is even more embarrassing. he’s muttering things like “you didn’t have to,” but there’s a blush plastered on his cheeks as he hides his face in his knees and tries to resume his game.

ARAN always makes sure that the first thing he says to you is a new compliment. when he first sees you, his eyes stop halfway up when he notices your necklace. it takes him a second to understand, and he’s lifting it with a curious glint in his eyes. “these letters are my initials right?” he continues to examine it, in disbelief that you wore something for him. you eagerly nod, and his attention shifts back to you. there’s a pause, and he’s still looking at it.

“i love you,” aran confessed, letting go of the necklace to grasp your hand instead. for the entirety of the date, he’s sneaking glances at it, turning back around with a gentle smile on his face.

KONOHA didn’t realize until a few hours into your date. he was walking beside you with your hand in his, and when you spoke, he kept glancing at the necklace bouncing against your chest as you moved around. brushes it off as just another one of your accessories, but the lettering on it caught his eye. he turns back, a little too quickly, and startles you in the process.

konoha is directly in front of you, bending down to stare deeply at your necklace. “you’re kidding,” he says, and his cheeks are turning red with a deepening blush. abruptly moves his hands from your shoulders as he realizes how odd his current position looks to the people passing by. for the rest of the date, he’ll break eye contact mid sentence to give it a glance, as if the lettering would go away if he didn’t continue checking it.

KITA noticed it right away. when you ask what he thinks of it, he’s looking away when he says “it looks good on you, y/n.” his eyes will continue to trail downwards to the necklace throughout the day.

when the two of you are cuddling, he’s fiddling with your necklace. sometimes he’ll hold it just to see his name on it, and he’s smiling to himself again.

USHIJIMA wants one as well, but he’s not sure how to ask. he stands there awkwardly still, just looking at it. thinks he’s supposed to have one, so he waits for you to buy him a matching one with your name on it. he wears it outside of his games, and when he’s playing, it’s sitting safely on his bench for good luck.

OMIMI gives your head a gentle pat as he thanks you softly. he already had something similar at his home— a small photo of the two of you, along with one of your accessories beside it. thinks it’s cute that you were so excited to show him your necklace.

SUGAWARA wants one too! he noticed it after pulling you into a hug, because it got tangled into one of his buttons. when he read his name on it, he asked you where you bought one. from then on, you and sugawara suddenly had matching keychains, phone cases, and necklaces. one of his students questioned why he kept touching his necklace, and he replied with “ah sorry— it reminds me of someone special.”

[mewberii]

Streamer!Scaramouche AU

i feel like he’d be one of the biggest streamers on his platform- probably one of those that everyone has heard of even if they’re not into watching livestreams and all

but between those who do know who he is, they either love him or hate him. no in-between

it’s kind of understandable because his attitude is not suited/can be handled by anyone

he’s brutally honest even when his opinion may be seen as rude (to him he’s just saying the truth so he doesn’t mind if people get offended)

of course he doesn’t try to be rude on purpose but i mean it as in he’ll say what he thinks

imagine he’s playing a game and he doesn’t like a certain mechanic, or he isn’t enjoying the story;

he won’t say the game is bad but he’ll openly say he doesn’t like it/it’s not for him. it makes him seem strict but tbh he’s not that hard to please and even when he complains about one or two things he still enjoys the game

he usually gives every game a chance even when from what he’s seen it doesn’t sound like a game he’ll like. if he turns out to be right he just won’t play it again and if he’s wrong he’s a little too prideful to admit he spoke a little too fast but in the end he will admit the game is good or he’s having fun

probably the kind that just knows so much about all games and all the creators and all the game-making engines and is up to date with every single news of everything video-game + streaming-related,,, how does he do it, i don’t know,,,,

and also since he’s so popular he probably gets packages from game developers with limited edition stuff or merch from different games soooo often

and he placed the ones from his favorite games in his setup room and it looks INCREDIBLE he has so much stuff

he did a room tour stream once talking about all he has, where he got everything, from his monitor to every complement of his computer and like,,,,, the cost of his setup,,,,,,, some people already know they’ll never be able to afford that in their entire life

and he already had a great setup before he even became big as a streamer so people can already guess he’s fairly rich 

also i feel like he would have started his career as a streamer without using a facecam and even like that, he already managed to get very popular because of his professional commentary of game dynamics/playability + you can tell that he’s passionate about this and also he’s very funny without even trying??

he says some stuff so casually that he doesn’t realise how funny it is

probs showed his face after he hit a very important milestone

he never considered showing his face that important but he understood why people would want to see his reactions when playing games (even tho he warned them he’s not the most expressive/dramatique person in the world and they know by now) and would want to put a face to the person who entertains them so much with his streams

and when he does show his face people go absolutely cRAZY BECAUSE he is crazy good looking (if you don’t think he’s good looking i’m sorry for your eyesight. jk i’m sorry in general i just really love him)

some people who didn’t watch his streams will even check them out because of that but literally if you come for the visuals only you won’t stay for long because as i said not anyone can handle his personality

if he sees people being superficial about him too much instead of paying attention to what’s happening in the stream, he will immediately turn the subs mode on in the chat (if he didn’t have it on already)

being rude, being disrespectful/saying discriminating stuff or anything of that sort won’t be tolerated and anyone who does it will be banned instantly

without even interrupting what he was saying before he saw the comment, he’ll just type the ban to whoever said that and go on

and his mods do the exact same. they are just as strict as him

if it ever got too much of course he wouldn’t be afraid to speak up about it and tell his chat to stop that behaviour or else, as they should already know, he won’t be afraid of banning them even if they’ve been subscribed for months or years

ANYWAYS

why do i feel like he has a super organised chat— as in instead of spamming 5 emotes per comment they all send just one and it looks so tidy and perfect

literally other streamers would be jealous of how not-messy his chat is even when he has thousands and thousands and thousands of viewers all the time

also i have this idea that maybe any of his fans would have designed him as a genshin character (which would be the design of the scaramouche we know (?))

and the little pop-ups (i don’t know the name in english rIP) thingies that show up to notify when someone subscribed or donated would be lil chibi art of that design

it’d be really cool

and since i also doodled what a stream of his could look like (i’ll show it in the future when i’m done!!) i thought that way it’d be more recognisable that the streamer is scaramouche

99% of the people who have seen him irl found him too intimidating to go ask him for a picture or tell him anything

he’s not a huge fan of taking pictures anyway + is more on the introverted/reserved side but he wouldn’t mind if someone went up to him (if he’s not busy with something) to tell him something or say they enjoy his streams

i feel like in a couple occasions he would have played a game with some subscribers and he’d like to tease them speaking with his usual tone and face (in case they’re watching the stream as they talk) so they think he’s serious

“did you watch my 12 hour stream the other day?”  -scaramouche

“ah,,,, i-” -the sub

“think well of what you’re going to answer.” -scaramouche

“i-i couldn’t watch the whole thing,,,” -the sub

“ah, is that so…?” -scaramouche 

he’ll pretend to sound disappointed but at one point he just can’t help but smirk and hold in a chuckle before telling them he’s not serious

(he literally doesn’t know how the hell he survived that stream himself because he isn’t one to stream for that long)

i feel like deep inside people who know him would know he wouldn’t say such things seriously/wouldn’t be disappointed in anyone for not watching every single minute of his streams or not even all his streams

but he says all that so seriously that it’s,,, intimidating and they’re lowkey like “god but what if he’s not joking-”

he’d play games with the other streamers sometimes but i feel like most of the type he’d play more single-player games

it’d be so funny if he plays among us with others and for example one of those others it’s childe

both of them would always be suspecting of the other first/bickering, especially scaramouche

and if one game turns out they’re both the impostors… people would know right away

like, if any of them tried to defend the other, everyone else would be like “!?! what is this? scaramouche and childe defending each other? scary”

they’d vote one of them (maybe scaramouche) out because they started guessing + saying proof of how both of them could be the impostors (but the biggest proof is them not coming for each other’s throats sNKJFNGKJS)

scaramouche would have to resist the urge to S C R E A M

needless to say he doesn’t like when he has to be impostor with childe

and unfortunately for him, fate makes it happen considerably often

i feel like at least one time scaramouche would kill next to childe and then report it and literally blame childe

and childe would be like ?!?!?!?!?? WHAT- NO- (struggles bc his brain instinct is to say ‘it was you!’ but they’re both the impostors??? how-)

and then they’d eject childe,,, and then people wouldn’t suspect of scaramouche for most of the game because ? why would he- blame his partner---

well he did it with no regrets and at the end when they all found out they found it very funny (except for childe, but even he ended up laughing in the end because what a mean strategy sjkfhdsgkj)

i have this feeling that even though they bicker so much and for any strangers it’d seem like they hate each other, when scaramouche does play online games, many times it’d be with childe?

ik they aren’t supposed to get along but for the sake of it being a modern au i don’t want bad vibes between any of the characters pls-

and everyone enjoys their dynamic and those streams always get a ton of viewers sjfhdsgkj and i’m sure both their chats would be good friends (most likely one’s fans would also be a fan of the other too)

very very very rarely (because he prefers just playing and talking while playing) he’d do streams where he doesn’t play anything but just talks with the chat, watches videos that they send him, looks at the fanart they make, just talks about games,,,,

it’d be super chill and the perfect streams for people to be doing homework/work/play games/draw or do basically anything while they listen to his stream in the background

he’d also be answering some of people’s questions about him or about his favorite games, or if he’s playing this new game that came out earlier this week,,,

“will you play ‘it takes two’ with childe?” -someone in the chat

“absolutely not. i won’t play a co-op game with him”

not even 5 days later, tweet from childe saying “streaming in 30 minutes! Scaramouche and I will be playing It Takes Two on my ch---”

anyways this will be all!! (for now?) i obviously knew genshin before this but, yesterday i could finally start playing it myself! so i feel like if not now, soon i will also write headcanons of him playing genshin! i don’t take requests but if you guys have any ideas or anything you want to say about this AU, send me an ask!! i’d love to talk about this and about genshin in general!

also, i was very inspired to write this by @baeshijima​ ! so thank you very much to her for her wonderful streamer AUs and if anyone reading this hasn’t read hers already, go check them out!! they’re amazing!!

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 10]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, guided masturbation, dirty talk, jun being a wild one, sad?????angst(sorry), mentions of break-ins/theft, yet again this chapter was meant to be shorter but here we are 😭🍒 more plot than anything else but enjoy! and as always, thank you so much for your support and interest in Cherry Bomb!! 😭💕💕💕 have a good weekend and don’t forget my halloween intro post goes up tomorrow as well!! stay hydrated bbys!!💕

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - ?

“Damn.”

Seungcheol sits beside you Friday morning, lips pressed into a firm line when he sees the five-digit number staring back at him from your revenue page. 

“Yeah, it’s---I--I’m…”

The two of you fall into a tense silence as you both stare at the exorbitant amount of money that the videos have made, unsure of what to say or even think.

“Um, I mean, o-obviously you get a cut of the money too, ‘Cheol! You’re half the video so…”

“Yeah, but even so, that’s---that’s an insane amount of money we made off of, what, three videos?”

You nod back slowly, sighing as you rest against the back of the sofa. “I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t think… they’d do that well. Like, not saying we suck! We obviously don’t, but just… I didn’t think they’d do that well.”

Seungcheol laughs, leaning back against the cushions as he meets your blushing face. “I could quit my job and just cam with you for this amount of money. I mean, this much off of three videos? Imagine if we were regulars together.”

The thought alone sends your mind into a flurry of various ideas; biting your lip as you lean into Seungcheol’s shoulder.

“Hey, I have an idea for tomorrow’s show but remind me to ask you later!”

hoshi_tiger_xx: still out of town baby?

sleepy_wonu: i feel like you moved and you’re just not ready to tell us lol

Seungcheol smirks reading the comments; eyes flitting over to you from his place on the sofa.

“Moved? I wish! This place is probably waaaay more than my own rent though~” You pause, letting the sound of donations sound off and comments fly past on your laptop screen. “And I’m probably heading home tomorrow so get ready to say bye to this backdrop!” You pout.

therealchan99: can we quickly discuss those videos tho

angelhan: actually yes

Biting your lip, you note that Seungcheol’s eyes are already on you and that you’ve already hit the donation minimum to start your show. “Well…” You start pushing the straps of your bra down, unhooking the back until you can toss the flimsy material off. “What do you guys want to know? You know I kiss and tell~”

dom.cheol: how does he gets you so fuckin wet, baby?

alphagyu97: ur not rly friends are u? Is he ur bf?

alphagyu97: im not pressed either im just curious!!!

universe_WZ: thats what they all say

chwenon: yooo that last vid was fuckin fire tho

tangerine_kwan has donated $50

tangerine_kwan: is he ever gonna join u on cam? think u guys would be good

“Hmm~ Well, let’s start with dom.cheol’s question…” You shoot the camera a sultry smirk as you spread your legs; fingertips already dancing along the lace of your panties. “It’s really not hard~ He’s really good at what he does, y’know? Knows how to talk to me and get my panties wet~”

xcaliburDK: is he good looking

kitty_junjun: probably not as well as me 🤪

gentleman_josh95: stop while u r ahead

Letting out a soft giggle, you watch as Seungcheol rounds the sofa, leaning up against the back of it as he faces you. He keeps his phone in hand, thumb still dancing across the keyboard.

dom.cheol: he has to punish you so often though, baby.

artist8hao: i know, whats gotten into u babygirl? Why r u acting out so much?

“‘Cause I like it when he punishes me~” You lick your lips as you hook your thumbs into your panties, slowly guiding them down your legs. “But I like it when he’s sweet to me too~” Your eyes dance up to Seungcheol, tossing the material his way before speaking.

“Won’t you be sweet to me now?”

alphagyu97: oh shit hes there

universe_WZ: let him fuck your pretty pussy on cam baby

“Aww, I’d love that but he’s still a ‘lil too shy for a live show!” You run your fingertips through your folds, collecting the wetness on them before you bring them to your lips. “But not shy enough to lend your voice, maybe?”

“If that’s what you want, sweetheart.”

Seungcheol makes sure to raise his voice enough so that he’s within earshot of the mic; adrenaline rushing through his veins when he, too, notices the sudden influx of comments and donations at his sudden appearance. “My baby’s been good today though, hasn’t she?” Nodding, you get lost in Seungcheol’s firm stare as the sound of donations and comments fire off in the background.

“Mmhmm~ So why don’t you guide me and show me how a good girl gets rewarded?”

He sets his phone down onto the back of the sofa precariously, both hands in the pockets of his sweats as he watches you. “Normally, good girls get to sit on my cock but we’ll save that for another time, baby. For now, why don’t you get those fingers nice and wet for me? Let them see how good that mouth of yours is.”

therealchan99: those pretty lips that look so good around a cock, just like i thought

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

sleepy_wonu: fuck yeah

You make sure your fingers are properly wet before you drag them down your body, soft sighs on your lips. “Don’t tease me too much though, okay?” Seungcheol grins in return, picking up his phone and sending a quick donation to keep up appearances before he glances your way again.

“Of course. So why don’t you play with that cute ‘lil clit of yours. Bet it’s still nice and sensitive after last night, huh?”

A stuttered moan falls from your lips the second you start rubbing slow circles on your clit; eyes fluttering shut at the memory alone.

xcaliburDK: fuck, all that cum spilling out of her cunt was hot

artist8hao: bet she was nice and full huh? Such a shame she wasted it

Seungcheol chuckles under his breath, “Right? Guess I’ll just have to fuck it deeper into her pussy next time.” You can’t help but clench around emptiness as you pinch your clit between your fingers at his words.

“Ngh, he made me come home with cum trickling down my thighs…” You whimper, “Not that I minded.”

“She begged me to fuck her in the shower too. Wanted me to mark you up real pretty, didn’t you? So that all your viewers could see.”

“Mmhmm…” He watches as you slowly slide your fingers down your folds to your entrance before they slide back up to your clit. “Why don’t you put two fingers in, hmm? Pretend they’re mine while you fuck yourself on them.”

kitty_junjun: aww her fingers are so small compared to yours

gentleman_josh95: bet its not even enough for her anymore huh?

dom.cheol: probably not

You slowly ease in two fingers at once; moaning when you sink them knuckle deep. “O-oh, fuck… Wha--what should I do n-next?”

“Fuck yourself on them, baby. Go however fast or slow you want to. Make yourself cum on your fingers.” He pauses; running a hand through his hair before he shoots you a devilish smirk. “But tell me how badly you wish it were me, ‘cause we both know you do.”

alphagyu97: wheeew lets hear it babygirl

tangerine_kwan: yea baby tell us

“It’s---It’s not the s-same… ‘Cause your fingers are b-bigger than mine…” You whimper, “And--a-ah, and they’re longer too…” Scissoring your fingers, you let out a breathy moan when you start thrusting your fingers faster into yourself.

“I wish it were your fingers, knuckle deep inside my pussy and making me cum. F-fuck, and stretching me open…”

You place your thumb on your clit; rubbing harsh circles on the nub as you chase your high. 

Seungcheol watches with keen eyes, the way your heels dig into the sheets and the way your brows furrow in concentration; licking his lips when he can tell you’re already close to your orgasm.

“Now let’s see that pretty pussy cum, sweetheart.”

You towel your hair off after your shower; shuffling towards the living area as Seungcheol settles into his makeshift bed on the sofa.

“Don’t you want to sleep in the bed with me for once, ‘Cheol?”

His lips press into a lopsided smile, “Are you asking because it’s your last night here?”

“Maybe~”

He lets out a breathy laugh as he reaches for his pillow, gesturing you back towards his bed. “By the way, what was your idea for your show?” You sit cross-legged on the bed just as Seungcheol sets his pillow back against the headboard.

“...How do you feel about maybe filming with me at my place?” He quirks a brow at you just as he settles onto what he deems his side of the bed for the night. “Do tell.” He has a vague idea of where this is heading, but he lets you continue; curiosity eating away at him the longer you hesitate.

“Well, I was thinking… Maybe, and only if you’re okay with it, but… I was thinking maybe you could drive me back to my place? And I know it’s about an hour out from here but I’ll pay gas money! And we can just start heading towards my apartment a little before my show starts. That way you can use toys on me ‘n stuff. And I don’t mind if you spend the night either ‘cause it’ll probably be kinda late when we finish...”

Seungcheol nods; already thinking about the possibilities with the amount of toys you had at your place compared to his. “I mean, yeah, why not? And don’t worry about the gas money, I think we’ve both made enough money this week to last us a while.”

You can only pout in return, laying on your stomach next to Seungcheol who stares up at the ceiling. “Speaking of which… What’re we gonna do now?”

“What do you mean?”

Sighing, you run your fingers through your damp hair. “I mean… What are we going to do about the videos? Are--Are we still going to film together?”

His lips press into a firm line as a million thoughts run through his mind; he’d thought about it a lot himself the past few days since. “I have an idea but I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel about it.”

“Shoot, we’ve got nothin’ to lose I don’t think!”

Seungcheol eases onto his side as he meets your stare, “First of all, I don’t mind filming more videos with you. And to be honest, it’ll probably take me a bit of time before I’m okay with showing my face but I don’t mind being on your live cam shows either, if we can figure out some camera angles. But the thing is… I think if we’re going to be filming together, you need to change your filming schedule.”

Panic runs through you for a second at the idea but you quickly push it aside to hear his suggestion. “How so?”

“Well, right now you’re doing shows on Fridays and Saturdays, every other Monday and every other Wednesday, right? Your next show is Wednesday which is fine but I think if we end up filming videos together regularly, we need to adjust how often you actually cam and how often we post pre-recorded videos. ‘Cause let’s be real, you’d be way too tired if you kept it that frequent. Three live shows a week and filming with me? It’s way too much for you.”

This time, it’s your lips that press into a firm line. But Seungcheol was right. There was no way you could keep your normal schedule on top of filming with him in between. “That… That makes sense. What are we gonna do about, uh, I mean---’cause we don’t really live near each other…” Mumbling, you trail off, hoping that Seungcheol knew the answer.

“Hmm, well, you can keep your Friday shows and then I can swing by on the weekends. We can film a few videos over the weekend, even if they’re just short ones, or even film long ones and then you can just cut them into shorter pieces. So, in theory, you’d only do two live shows a week and one upload of both of us? We can figure out everything else as we go in terms of splitting profits and stuff.”

You nod at his suggestion, feeling better about the idea. “That sounds reasonable! I’ll have to make a notice for my page but hopefully it shouldn’t be too big of a change…”

Seungcheol yawns as he stretches, eyes filled with sleep when he looks at you.

“We don’t have to do anything too soon either. Those videos are still makin’ money so let’s get some sleep!”

You and Seungcheol spend the Saturday afternoon driving around town; even going so far as to drop by the roller rink one last time to say your thanks and goodbye to Jeongguk.

“The two of you are somethin’ else, man. Really. With my whole heart, I just--I love it.” He pretends to wipe a tear off of his face as you and Seungcheol share a look.

“Promise me you’ll think of my offer?”

You nod in return, a soft giggle escaping your lips. “I promise! Seungcheol tells me you stream often yourself so I feel like I can trust you but only if you get my good side too!” This time Jeongguk’s eyes light up with excitement as he reaches for your hands over the concession stand counter.

“Oh my god, if---if I promise to give you half a cut of profits, would you show up on my gaming stream? You don’t even have to be good, just if we collabed, I really think---”

“Okay, ‘Guk, I think that’s enough for now. You can ask her a thousand questions next time.” You pat Jeongguk’s hands as he pouts. “I’ll think about it, okay?” You whisper under your breath; a small smile on his lips as he nods back.

“Don’t be a stranger!”

Seungcheol links his hand with yours as he leads you out of the roller rink and back to his car; eyes flitting to his watch to check the time. “We’ve got time to have dinner and then we probably need to hit the road after.” You nod, “Sounds good! Where are we headin’ for dinner?”

“‘Guk and I went to this diner called ‘Dynamite’ a while back… The food’s alright and I haven’t taken you there yet so we can go there if you’re okay with it?”

“Sounds good!”

Seungcheol pulls into the parking lot of the diner 30 minutes later as the same neon signs greet him back. He parks near the entrance again, noting that it seemed fairly empty this time as well.

“I wonder if the guy is still here…” He mutters as he unbuckles his seatbelt. “What guy?”

The two of you exit his car; jogging up to him as he waits for you. “Just the guy who was our server when I was here with ‘Guk. He seemed familiar and it was weird.”

Seungcheol opens the door for you, letting you in first as the cold AC blasts you.

“Welcome to Dynamite, I’m Jun and I----Oh fuck!” Jun drops the menus in his hand, lips settling into a wide smile as he walks up to you and Seungcheol, tripping on his own feet as he meets you at the door. “I’m a big fan!” He harshly whispers. You blink up at him just before your eyes flit down to his pastel coloured name tag.

Jun.

Jun.

Oh. kitty_junjun.

“O-oh, you’re---you’re kitty_junjun aren’t you?” You whisper back; already noting that he was quite handsome himself.

Fuck, are all my regulars hot?

“That’s me, baby! And oh--you! It’s you! I remember you from last time! You were with that other guy! Are you… y’know. The guy.” Jun wiggles his eyebrows as he steps back and picks up two menus from the counter. Seungcheol mentally grimaces but he nods.

“That’d be me.”

Jun’s eyes light up with enthusiasm as he gestures for the two of you to follow him towards the seating area. “I’m such a huge fan, really! Of Cherry and, well, really both of you now.” He leads you to a booth before he sets the menus down onto the table. “I hope you don’t mind but I volunteer to be your server and the milkshakes are on me tonight!” Finishing with a wink, he leaves the two of you alone as he walks back towards the counter.

“Wow, ‘Cheol when you said small town, you really meant it, huh?” Giggling, you take in Seungcheol’s mildly embarrassed appearance. “Hey, you’re famous!”

Am I famous? He thinks, Or is it just my dick?

“So that’s three people that could clock me in person… I mean, I guess it could be worse.” He mumbles; cheeks flushed pink when he sees Jun walking back towards your table. Jun leans against the booth, nodding as he props a hand on his hip.

“Sorry, I hope I’m not bothering you guys. It’s just, I feel like I’m meeting a celebrity!” He laughs, “I’d ask for your autograph but then I think that’d be a little too weird.”

You can’t help but giggle at his comment, turning slightly to face him better. “Guess you were right when you said you thought you saw me, huh?” He snaps his fingers as the memory comes back to him in an instant.

“You’re right! Fuck, I almost forgot about that. Man, I thought I was having a fever dream.”

Jun stares off to the side before he fixes his gaze onto Seungcheol; eyes wide. “Hey, I never caught your name, I don’t think?” Seungcheol gulps, hoping that Jun doesn’t connect the dots as easily as Jeongguk did.

“It’s Seungcheol.”

“Oh… okay! Well, cool, are you guys ready to order?”

He lets out a breath he doesn’t realize he was holding as you relay your order to Jun; lips falling into a shaky smile as he gives his order to Jun once you were done.

“Okay! I’ll be back in a little bit!” Jun shoots the two of you a smile before he leaves the two of you alone again.

“Well, this is an interesting Saturday if I do say so myself!” Seungcheol can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of him; shaking his head at the way you seem to take it so easily. “I can’t believe you’re so chill about running into people that know you!”

“Like you said, ‘Cheol! It could be worse~” You pause, “This one time I was at the grocery store and this older man came up to me and said he recognized me. I was like, cool, y’know? I know my viewers are all different ages so I don’t judge. But then, two kids came up to him calling him ‘daddy’ and I literally bolted out of that place before his wife could find me!”

The two of you share a laugh before changing the topic; only stopping when Jun comes by with your orders, twenty minutes later.

“Hey, this is kinda random but it’s not so busy right now, so… Did you wanna sit with us and chat?” You offer as your eyes dance between Seungcheol and Jun. The latter’s eyes twinkle with excitement as he sets the last plate down.

“Wait, seriously? I can take my 15 if you’re being serious!” This time, you look to Seungcheol for his opinion, already noticing the way he seems more relaxed.

“Yeah, that’s cool with me.”

Jun all but runs off to tell his manager as you scoot over to give him space when he gets back. “I’m surprised you asked if he wanted to sit with us while we had dinner.”

“Why not? He seems nice! And we’re making friends!” Seungcheol nods in agreement just as he starts eating and just as Jun makes it back to the booth with a milkshake of his own.

You pat the empty spot next to you as he gasps slightly. “I feel like the second luckiest man on earth.”

He slides into the booth next to you, making sure to keep a reasonable distance. “Hey! You’ve got a show tonight so… are you two, y’know…” Seungcheol makes a conscious effort to not choke on his food as he chews slower than he usually would; eyes flitting over to you just as you set your utensils down.

“Um, yeah! We don’t really know what we’re gonna do yet but no spoilers okay~ Nobody knows what he looks like, Junnie!” You pout. Jun can only vibrate in his seat; a pink blush on his cheeks at the sudden nickname.

“Of course! My lips are sealed shut! And well, if you’re ever back in town, I’ll give you guys my employee discount if you swing by!” He grins.

The three of you talk about various topics within Jun’s fifteen minute break, thankfully none that involve camming. Jun pouts when his time is up, a sigh on his lips when he stands. “Damn, well, I guess I’ll see you later then, huh?” He wiggles his eyebrows, chuckling.

“Just wave me over if you guys need anything, okay?”

The rest of dinner goes on without issue and Seungcheol finds himself in a lighter mood than when the two of you first arrived at the diner.

You make sure to leave Jun a big tip, winking at him on your way out.

“Ready to head home after a week?” Seungcheol shoots you  a sad smile as he walks you to the passenger’s side of his car. He opens the door for you and lets you in before shutting it and jogging to the driver’s side.

“I mean, it’s not like we’re not gonna see each other anymore. If anything we’re gonna be seeing each other fairly regularly since you’re gonna come over to film!”

Seungcheol nods as he sets your apartment into his GPS; pulling out of the driveway as he begins the hour drive to your place.

“Yeah, and I mean, we can figure out what schedule works better as we go. Maybe we only need to film every other week or something too, right?”

“Mmhmm! I’ll start drafting a notice for the schedule change tomorrow and then I’ll run it by you before it goes up.”

The hour drive seems to go by quicker than you expect as the two of you spend the time singing along to songs on the radio; judging Seungcheol’s impeccable vocal skill when a rock song comes on.

“Wow, I--I didn’t know you had the vocal cords to do that, ‘Cheol!” He takes his eyes off of the road for a split second to shoot you a cocky grin.

“I’m pretty good at karaoke. We should go next time! Maybe invite all of our new friends.”

You snort in response, slapping his arm as he pulls into a residential part of town. “And if the person working the front desk of the karaoke place knows us?”

“Then we invite them in too!”

A slight blush paints your cheeks when you realize how much Seungcheol seemed to have relaxed in the last few days, if not hours. You knew it was never easy to get used to being recognized in person and there were still a lot of times where even you were flustered in person. 

“Hey, what’s going on over there?” Seungcheol’s concerned voice has you immediately peering through the window; eyebrows furrowed when you see the police cars parked outside of your apartment complex.

“W--wait that’s my--my apartment complex, ‘Cheol pull over!”

He parks the car a little closer to the scene; getting out of the car with you as the dread becomes more and more evident on your face. “Hey, I’m here with you, okay? Maybe it’s just nothing.” He offers; simultaneously knowing that his words were currently going in one ear and out the other.

The two of you walk hand in hand up to the front where you spot your landlord standing with a police officer. You call her name as she turns to you, gesturing for you to come closer.

“Didn’t you get my text message? Or any of my calls from the last 45 minutes?” You shake your head no in response, eyes dancing to Seungcheol who’s expression matches your own. “No--No I--I was out at dinner, I didn’t even hear my phone go off. What’s going on here?”

She sighs, arms crossed in front of her chest as the police officer clears his throat. “Well, Miss, there were a few break-ins tonight here. There’s a lot of broken glass and a lot of missing items. Thankfully nobody was injured but unfortunately we’re going to be running an investigation so it could take some time.”

“I--w--what about m-my apartment?” Your landlord sighs, “I’m sorry, honey, but your apartment was one of them, I---hey!”

You all but drag Seungcheol with you as you start making your way towards the entrance of the complex, panic and adrenaline guiding you as you all but throw the front door open. The sounds of the officer and your landlord shouting your name become fuzzy as you make your way through the halls; side stepping the stray items that were left on the floor. You make it to your hall when you notice a police officer standing at your front door that seems to have almost been ripped from the hinges.

“Miss, you can’t be in here, we’re---”

“This is my apartment, please just let me in!”

The officer standing at your apartment door notes the distress in your voice and sighs, “Show me some ID and I can let you in.” You quickly fish out your ID as he cross-references it with his documents. “Alright, go ahead. Please just don’t touch any of the hard surfaces.”

Your palm feels clammy against Seungcheol’s as you step into your apartment; shaky gasps on your lips when you notice the items strewn about. “O-oh my god…”

Seungcheol squeezes your hand tight, unsure of what to say. This was definitely the last thing he would’ve expected to happen at the end of your one week stay with him.

You can’t help the tears that threaten to spill as you look around your apartment and Seungcheol quickly notes the glassy look in your eyes when you turn to face him. Seungcheol quickly turns to the officer, voice stern. “I’m sorry to ask but can you give us a second alone, please? This is a lot for her to take in.” The officer nods as he steps back into the hallway.

“Baby? Tell me how you’re feeling, sweetheart.”

It only takes a split second before you’re sobbing into Seungcheol’s chest; his arms wrapping tightly around you.

He rubs your back gently, cooing to you softly as you let out your emotions. “Seungcheol, I, hic, wh--what am I--I, hic, g-gonna d-do? I…” You trail off as your mind goes a mile a minute. He’s unsure of how to comfort you, eyes taking in the ransacked room.

“We--we should probably talk to the officer outside? Figure out what’s going on. I--I mean, you’re definitely coming home with me. I’m not leaving you here like this and with nowhere to go.”

You pull away from his chest, tears still streaming down your face when you look up at him. Seungcheol feels his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. God please, I’d do anything to make sure she never cries like this again, he thinks.

“But my--my s-stuff, I--this--”

“I know, baby, I know. Let’s just both be thankful you weren’t here when they broke in, okay? We can replace the material stuff.” He smooths your hair down and wipes your cheeks, leaning down until he’s at eye level with you.

“I promise you, we’ll figure it out, okay? I’m not leaving you until we do.”

Nodding, you let Seungcheol take your hand as he brings you back to the front door where the officer is. “Hello? Excuse me?”

“Yes?”

Seungcheol looks your way before clearing his throat. “We just want to know what happened to my girlfriend’s apartment.” You squeeze his hand, hiding behind him.

“Well, we can’t really know for sure. A few other apartments were broken into. For some, the locks were picked and for others, it seemed like they just used blunt force against the doors until they gave way. Unfortunately, seeing as this is a gated apartment complex, the hallways don’t have any security cameras and we have no idea how the suspects got in past the gate.” The officer pauses for a moment as he lets his words sink in. “Usually with cases like this, a lot of the material goods eventually show up in local pawn shops or even just discarded in near-by trash containers. And judging from the building history, this isn’t the first time these burglars came by. This seems to be the second time. But that’s all we know for now. I suggest you pack some of your things and hang tight in a hotel until we get more info because, unfortunately, your door is ready to fall off of the hinges and we need to get a detective in here to see if there’s any fingerprints on the surfaces.”

“Will there be someone patrolling this place all night? How are we sure they won’t come back?”

“We’ll have an officer posted at all times, young man. I promise you nobody will get back in here.”

The tears stream down your cheeks as you quietly stand behind Seungcheol; lip quivering as Seungcheol thanks the officer for the information before turning to face you again.

“‘Ch--Cheol, what’re w-we, hic, gonna d-do now?” Your voice sounds so small to him as you keep your eyes focused on the floor.

“Has your apartment been broken into before? Be honest with me.” 

“O--once, but--but it w-wasn’t this bad...” He clenches his jaw at your words. How the fuck did this happen before without anyone finding out? “Wait, so this has happened in the past? And you never said anything?” You peer up at him, eyelashes wet with tears. 

“It, hic, they--they didn’t take as much s-stuff that t-time. But--but now I’m, hic, won--wondering if they were just s-scouting...” Seungcheol’s vision goes red; knowing exactly what he wanted to do and say but unsure of the possible outcome.

Fuck, screw it.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do, sweetheart.” He pauses, exhaling deeply before he continues. “We’re gonna pack a bag, take all your important things that you can find. I don’t care if we have to fill up my entire car with your things. And you’re coming home with me. I don’t care if you have to break the lease on this place, but I can’t in good conscience know you’re living here if people are breaking into it like this.” You open your mouth to speak, brows furrowed. “But--”

“No! No buts this time. I--I can have Jeongguk help with moving. I’m sure Seokjin-hyung can take his shift at the roller rink for one day to help us move your things. And we’ll figure things out as we go.”

“The r-rent, I--”

Seungcheol shoots you a small smile as he tilts your head up to meet his soft and warm eyes. “Please, don’t worry about something like that right now. I’m just happy you’re okay. And that you weren’t here alone where I couldn’t help you.”

You nod shakily, hands covering Seungcheol’s as he holds your face in his hands. “Seungcheol, I’m so--so sorry, I--I don’t even k-know where to start, I--this is---it’s all just so much. Really I can just---just get a h-hotel and you can g-go home...” The tears threaten to spill again but Seungcheol quickly tugs you into his inviting arms. 

This was by-far not at all how he expected to end his weekend. And he could only assume you felt the same way.

“I know it’s a lot. But we’re good at figuring things out on the fly, right? You have to trust me on this one. You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. But for right now, I think you need to hurry and post a notice that there’s no show tonight while I look for your luggage so we can grab some things and get out of here, okay?” 

He releases you from his hold, leaning down to kiss you on the forehead. 

“I’ll fix it, I promise.”

[bpro-cardstories]

Tomohisa Kitakado SSR

2019 ー New Field [新境地]

“Say, Tomo, are you really alright with it?”

『Event: Pirates of Legend (1st - 9th August 2019)』

Part 1

ーKitaKore’s apartment.ー

Tomohisa (surprised): ‘A request for me….. To write a script for a drama series?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes. Because it’s in the form of a competition it’s unknown if your script will actually be used. You were supported by a famous script writer and invited to “co-write” a script.’

Tsubasa: ‘The theme will be “battle”, but outside of this, you are free to write anything.’

Ryuji: ‘Hee, so far there have been writing requests such as columns or comments….. Scriptwriting for a drama series is a first, isn’t it? It sure is an unusual offer, Tomo.’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah, I honestly was surprised. Why did he nominate me, I wonder?’

Tsubasa: ‘The client is a TV station producer who worked on many hit dramas.’

Tsubasa: ‘It seems that while he was watching Kitakado-san’s appearance in a program,  he took notice of the atmosphere and your speech which was intelligent and had a good feeling to them.’

Ryuji: ‘Hehe. That producer must be watching Tomo closely.’

Tsubasa: ‘He also read the columns published in magazines by Kitakado-san, and said that you have excellent writing abilities and sufficient topicality. Therefore, if you are interested then you are asked to get in touch with him.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘I see….. I appreciate that he even read my columns. And to be valued to such an extent makes me happy.’

Tsubasa: ‘It’s not often that I  hear of said things, so I think he is not simply complimenting you, but they do really like Kitakado-san’s writing.’

Tsubasa: ‘Since it’s a rare change, would you like to try it out?’

Tomohisa: ‘You’re right….. I’m very grateful for the consideration. By going beyond acting there will be a lot of things I will be able to learn through standing on the side of production for one time in the future.’  

Tomohisa: ‘Since I like writing, I’m interested in putting together a story. If I can challenge this, it might be a really great stimulus.’

Tsubasa: ‘If so, thenーー’

Tomohisa: ‘But I will turn down the offer this time.’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh……’

Tomohisa: ‘There are many wonderful professionals in this industry. It feels wrong for an amateur like me to suddenly take part in a competition. If I participate just because of topicality, it’s rude toward the contestants that earnestly submit a script I think.’

Ryuji: ‘........’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Should turning down the offer become an inconvenience then that’s a different matter, however….. There’s no problem I hope?’

Tsubasa: ‘Of course, please don’t worry about it. You are right, because it’s of a different nature than your usual work, Kitakado-san’s feelings are most important regarding this matter. Then I will later inform him of your rejectionーー’

Ryuji: ‘Wait a minute, Tsubasa.’

Ryuji: ‘Say, Tomo, are you really alright with it?’

Tomohisa: ‘Ryuji…..?’

Part 2

Ryuji: ‘You actually…… don’t really think that joining the competition is rude, do you? That thinking is even more discourteous I think.’

Tsubasa: ‘R-Ryuji-kun……’

Ryuji (angry): ‘I mean it’s the truth, it’s like saying you all lose to a script of an amateur’s topicality.’

Tomohisa (baffled): ‘........’

Ryuji: ‘That producer must know that it’s natural that there will be lots of scripts from professionals. As a producer for programs even more so. Yet, he purposely gave you an offer, Tomo. Isn’t it better to think more thoroughly about the meaning of it?’

Tomohisa: ‘........ The meaning of purposely choosing me, huh?’

Ryuji: ‘Exactly. …… It’s true that Tomo may be an amateur in relation to scriptwriting. But doesn’t the feeling to try it out apply to both professionals and amateurs?’

Ryuji (upset): ‘If you seriously are prepared to work hard, then you ought to take this chance.’

(It may be the first time I see Ryuji-kun persuading Kitakado-san about work in such a manner. All the more as Ryuji-kun might feel that this work will be meaningful for Kitakado-san.........)

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘........ Thanks, Ryuji. You’re right, maybe I was a bit conceited here.’

Ryuji: ‘I- I didn’t say that........’

Tomohisa: ‘No, it’s fine. Thank you for making me realize. It kind of opened my eyes. It seems like the offer itself was unexpected for me and my mind didn’t catch up.’

Ryuji (sighs): ‘........ I thought so. It was unlike Tomo to find a reason to not accept even though you had an interest in the offer.’

Tomohisa: ‘Haha, it’s as Ryuji says.’

Tomohisa: ‘........Tsubasa, I’m sorry, but ignore my answer from earlier. Would it be fine if I think about the offer a bit longer? My own feelings included, I want to properly think about whether I have enough time to face the production.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kitakado-san........ Of course!’

Tsubasa: ‘These are the materials for the competitions. I will contact the other party, so please take your time to consider.’ ________________________

 ーAnother day. In the meeting room.ー

Tomohisa: ‘ーーHello, Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kitakado-san, hello.’

Tsubasa: ‘It has been one week since then....... Did you come to a decision about the scriptwriting competition?’

Tomohisa: ‘Yes. I faced myself and........ Came to a decision.

Tomohisa: ‘I want to participate in the competition.’

Tsubasa: ‘........! I’m glad to hear that........ I thought that it was a really good chance so I am happy as well.’

Tomohisa: ‘Thanks, Tsubasa. I got excited when I read the material for the competition and was able to convince myself once again that this is what I wanted to do.’

Tomohisa: ‘Besides, it’s important for us to open up new work fields from now on I think.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, I am certain that this will be a big step. If you have decided so, I need to start adjusting your schedule........ I wonder how much time you will actually need to write a script?’

Tomohisa: ‘About this…… When I read the materials I tried to write one. Won’t you look over it for me?’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh........ You tried to write a script, you said?’

Tomohisa: ‘Yes. I wanted to test to what point I’m able to write alone. I thought that it’s important to let the producer know what writings other than columns I can produce.’  

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Since I jumped into the world of professionals, this much preparation and readiness is a must.’

Tsubasa: ‘Amazing........ But is it fine that I will read your script beforehand?’

Tomohisa: ‘Of course. If possible, I want to hear your honest thoughts and impressions on it.’

Part 3

(Kitakado-san’s first script........ Just what kind of story could it be.)

Tomohisa (laughs): ‘Since the theme was “Battle” I wrote a story with “Pirates” as the motif, which I associate with the theme.’

Tsubasa: ‘ “Pirates”........’

(So, it’s probably mainly intense action. ........ Oh, it takes place in Japan.)

(........Huh? There are........ no battle scenes. The “pirates” appearing in the story are at the checkpoint that’s on the sea.)

Tsubasa: ‘........ How strange.’

Tomohisa: ‘Hm? Is there perhaps some inconsistency?’

Tsubasa: ‘Ah, no........! This story is very interesting. The appearing characters are charming and the dialogue is lively. It’s possible to become engaged in the story because thanks to your stage directions the scenes naturally emerge.’

Tomohisa: ‘I see, glad to hear this.’

Tsubasa: ‘But ........ This work is different from the usual “Pirate story”, is it not?’

Tomohisa: ‘Haha, that may be true, indeed. Pirates are pirates, but I chose “Murakami Kaizoku*” as the motif.”

Tsubasa: ‘ “Murakami Kaizoku”?’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah. When you hear “pirates” the image of a group that gloriously steals the treasure with showy swordplay and firefights comes to your mind. But Japan’s pirates........ The “Murakami Kaizoku” are a group that fights to “protect” the important things.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘They seem to have been a group, also called the Japanese feudal lord of the sea, that was working for the sake of “protecting” people’s lives, livelihood, and above all, the peace of the sea.’

Tsubasa: ‘So that is why they do not start a fight by themselves.’

Tomohisa: ‘Exactly.’

Tomohisa: ‘........ Modern and extreme “battles” are perhaps better suited for entertainment and entertainment for drama series. But I think “fights” aren’t not only there to mutually hurt or steal from each other. To protect what’s dear, one overcomes their weaknesses. Everyone faces this kind of “battle” everyday.’

Tomohisa: ‘I want to write the kind of story where the viewer sympathizes and is inspired, even if the time or circumstances are different, is what I thought.’       

Tsubasa: ‘A “battle” that does not leave the viewer behind........ That is incredibly like Kitakado-san. This is why you can feel a soft warmness despite the heart-breaking scenes.’

Tomohisa: ‘Fufu, if it’s how you feel, then I’m happy.’

Tomohisa: ‘It’s worth writing just because Tsubasa said that.’

(To be able to produce such a wonderful script in a mere week, Kitakado-san really is extraordinary........)

Tsubasa: ‘I would like to continue reading your script without a rush, but........ More importantly, I would like to quickly submit it to the producer. I am sure it will be more than what they expected.’

Tomohisa: ‘That’s good to hear. But if this script isn’t what they wished for, then don’t hesitate to tell me, I will rewrite it.’    ________________________

 ーAnother day. During a photo shoot.ー

Tsubasa: ‘Uhm........ Ah, Kitakado-san!’

Tomohisa: ‘What happened for you to be so flustered........ Wasn’t it a different location today?’

Tsubasa: ‘That is true, but there is something I need to tell you as soon as possible. It’s about the script the other day, I received a reply from the producer.’

Tomohisa: ‘........! What did they say........’

Tsubasa: ‘It was praised that the result was beyond their imagination. And they were pleased about the subject at hand, which was like Kitakado-san. Moreover, it will be adopted as a solo script by Kitakado-san, instead of a co-written one........’

Tomohisa (surprised): ‘Solo script?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes! It was decided to make it into a drama, outside of the competition. It seems that it will be in the frame of a two hour special drama.’

Tomohisa: ‘Made into a drama........ This time everything really is beyond your expectations.’

Tomohisa: ‘But I’m incredibly happy about it. I wonder if it’s fine that there are no problems with the content of the script and to receive such a big chance?’

Tsubasa: ‘It looks like there will be some corrections needed, however, they said that they want to go with the content as it is. And........’

Tomohisa: ‘There is more to come?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes. When the production of the drama happens, if possible, they want Kitakado-san to be involved with the castings as well.’

Tomohisa: ‘Me........ Involved in the castings?’

Part 4

Tomohisa (baffled): Is that true? I didn’t think it was possible for me to choose the actors.’

Tsubasa: ‘If you wish, they will move to make it come true as much as possible. For this reason, should you have a performer in mind, do not hesitate to........’

Tomohisa: ‘........ If so, then there’s one person I’d like to ask.’

Tsubasa: ‘Is that so?’

Tomohisa: ‘Since he’s a veteran, it might be difficult. However, when I was writing the main protagonist, he came to my mind. So I was thinking to myself that I would be delighted if he plays the role........’

Tsubasa: ‘In this case, it will not hurt if we let them know! The producer is eager to gather a good staff and performers as well.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Thanks. ........ How do I say, there’s a mysterious feeling I have never felt before. The world I imagined inside my head becomes reality........ The actors and actresses will bring the lines I wrote to life. They’re just ordinary letters, but I’m able to witness the moment they turn into living words.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, even I am getting excited myself.’

Tomohisa: ‘Tsubasa, you also read the script, is there someone you imagine to play this particular character?’

Tsubasa: ‘Let me see, I ........ Ah, before that, I have an important matter to tell you.’

Tomohisa: ‘Hm?’

Tsubasa: ‘It’s regarding the casting, they also like to ask some B-PRO members to appear.’

Tomohisa (surprised): ‘From B-PRO, too?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes, as Kitakado-san’s name will be listed, they want at least two other names to be listed as well.’

Tomohisa: ‘I see........’

Tomohisa: ‘........’

Tsubasa: ‘Uhm........ is something wrong?’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Yeah........ I just thought about how it’s a bit troubling, because it’s not possible to have everyone appear, I assume? It’s a given that, no matter who I choose, they will deliver a good performance. And yet, I have to choose from them.’

Tsubasa: ‘You are right........ Choosing among the members does feel awkward. However, this is not about the quality of their acting ability. If you choose them based on whether they suit the role or not, then it should not be such a worrisome matter I think.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘That’s true........ Then........’

Tomohisa: ‘........But, what to do. The role that suits Ryuji this timeーー’

Ryuji: ‘What about me?’

Tomohisa (surprised): ‘Ryuji! What about the shooting?’

Ryuji: ‘It just finished. I heard your talk from the middle on....... Tomo, are you worrying about me by any chance?’

Tomohisa: ‘That’s.......’

Ryuji (sighs): ‘Haa....... As I thought. Listen, do you think I will sulk if I can’t appear in the drama?’

Tomohisa: ‘No, you’re wrong. It’s just that this work is my first script. Since Ryuji encouraged me so much....... Besides, I do really love Ryuji’s acting. So if I am choosing from B-PRO, I want it to be Ryuji after all.’ 

Ryuji: ‘But there’s no role for me, is there?’

Tomohisa (dejected): ‘Uh.......’

Ryuji: ‘Good grief.......’

Ryuji: ‘There must already be a set image inside Tomo’s head. You absolutely can’t stray away from it. I won’t forgive it if Tomo’s important work will be ruined by such a thing.’

Tomohisa: ‘Ryuji.......’

Ryuji (smiles): ‘And in the first place, if I was appearing in the drama Tomo penned then I’d be the leading role, am I right. The content as well must be even more refined.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Heh....... You’re right, When casting Ryuji, it has to be a script that was written for Ryuji.’

Ryuji: ‘Exactly. So for now, concentrate on producing good work. That’s also part of a professional’s work, no?’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Yeah. Thanks, Ryuji.’

Tomohisa: ‘.......Say, Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-Yes.’

Tomohisa (winks): ‘To be honest, when I was writing the script, there were characters for which members came to my mind.’

Tsubasa: ‘.......! Please let me hear about it.’

Tomohisa: ‘Thanks. Uhm....... This role is heroic, fun and soothing. Since he’s a moodmarker I was thinking of Hikaru when I was writing the script. As for the other role, he comes with honesty and seriousness who doesn’t hesitate to throw away his life for the sake of his comrades.’

Tomohisa: ‘So I think this role might suit Kazu.......’

Ryuji: ‘.......’

Part 5

ーDuring the drama production, at the beach.ー

Lighting staff: ‘Put the lighting a bit higher.’

AD: ‘The last location bus is arriving! With this all the performers for today are gathered!’

Tomohisa: ‘....... It’s the start of the filming, huh. From here on out we’ll earnestly start filming now.’

Tomohisa: ‘.......’

Tsubasa: ‘.......Uhm, Kitakado-san. Are you fine?’

Tomohisa: ‘Eh?’

Tsubasa: ‘No, somehow you looked stiff for a second....... Since we are shooting at the sea all day, you will be hit by the salty sea breeze. If you are not feeling well, please tell me right away.’

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘I’m fine. My body is fit and healthy, there’s no problem.’

Tomohisa: ‘But, perhaps....... I’m a bit nervous.’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh.......?’

Tomohisa (pensive): ‘It sure is unusual for me, I agree. I just don’t know it myself really well, this sensation I’m feeling for the first time. I didn’t feel like this when I appeared in dramas....... Is this what you call pressure?’

Tomohisa: ‘A great number of people are working to realize the script I wrote. It’s been like this ever since this project started to move. Seeing the preparation for the shooting before my eyes now....... It looks like I came to realize this fact at last.’

(For Kitakado-san, who usually is the one who calms down everyone, to be this nervous....... It’s also a first for me. The words I should be giving at this time.......)

Hikaru: ‘Uwaah~ I’m so super nervous~!!’

Tomohisa: ‘.......Hm?’

Hikaru: ‘Did you see, leader? The actress who’s standing by the location bus!’

Hikaru: ‘When I was a child I watched her dramas in the morning, she played the mother in it!? I can’t believe there would come a day where I would be co-starring with her....... Aaaah, that makes me so nervous!’

Hikaru: ‘Leader, write down lots of letters of “person” on my hand** I will drink them! I will chug them down all at once!!’

Kazuna: ‘Calm down, Hikaru. It’s not our turn yet.’

Hikaru: ‘Uuh~! I know, but.......!’

Kazuna: ‘Hm, I do understand you though. There are nothing but talented performers around here, it’s nerve-wracking. But everyone should have the same desire to produce a good drama....... Don’t let yourself be swallowed up by the atmosphere and let’s rise together.’

Kazuna: ‘Let’s fight the pressure and move forward, just like our roles.’

Tomohisa: ‘.......!’

Kazuna: ‘Ahead of overcoming your weaknesses, there’s the future. For this reason, no matter how scary it is, even if your legs are tremblingーー You need to walk without stopping.’

Hikaru: ‘L-Leader.......’

Hikaru: ‘Uuuh, you’re so cool~! I’m mesmerized~!!’

Kazuna: ‘H-Hikaru, lower your voice a bit.......’

Hikaru: ‘You’re right! It’s the lamest to lose to yourself! Alright, I’ll also do my best!!’

Tomohisa: ‘....... Haha.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu....... Hikaru-kun is just as usual.’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah. Kazu as well as Hikaru, they both are strong.’

Tomohisa: ‘I....... have to become strong, too. I can’t stay like this.’

Tomohisa: ‘If I don’t fight with the same feeling as the actors and actresses as part of the crew, I can’t deliver good work that many people can enjoy.’

(....... A dignified look. Yeah....... I’m sure he will be fine from now on.)

Producer: ‘Alright, it’s time. Shall we gather once before we start filming? Kitakado-kun, come here!’

Tomohisa: ‘Yes, I will.’

Tsubasa: ‘....... Everything is going well.’

Tomohisa: ‘Yeah, then, I’ll be going.’ ______

Tomohisa: ‘....... Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kitakado-san? Do you need something.......’

Tomohisa: ‘No, just....... Thanks.’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh?’

Tomohisa: ‘I’m very grateful that this gives me an environment and opportunity to continue taking on new challenges. That’s why, thank you, Tsubasa.’

Tsubasa: ‘....... You are welcome. The possibilities are limitless. Let us take on all kinds of challenges from now on as well.’ 

Tomohisa (smiles): ‘Yeah. Then....... I will go fight alongside everyone.’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes! Please do so, Kitakado-san.......!’

END ______________________

* Murakami Kaizoku (村上海賊): “[....] Murakami Kaizoku was the country’s largest group of pirates. Contrary to the usual activities of pirates who loot ships for money and goods, the Murakami Kaizoku’s primary occupation was enforcing order for the safety and security of navigation, and ensuring orderly trade and distribution in the Seto Inland Sea.[....]” [Source: japan-heritage.bunka.go.jp]

** Writing the letter for “people” (人) on the palm of your hand and swallowing is something like an encouragement ritual in Japan. Perhaps you might have seen it in some anime before, like Shokugeki no Soma, or in J-Dramas. This article explains the history behind this action.

[iwrotemrtambourineman]

literally so so so sorry to post about the mcu I’ll stick this under a read more

but watching dr str*nge in theaters (in the largest theater of my local theater that has 5 showings a day with six fucking seats filled the mcu is killing small theaters but I digress) it literally gave nothing and I’ll argue that it’s even more frustrating now that the mcu has been bringing real directors with interesting filmographies and styles cause you watch it and it almost looks like a movie but it’s nothing. Raimi’s style couldn’t make a boring story more interesting, and there were spots that it was obvious that they gave him more freedom visually and guess what those were my mcu loving friends least favorite parts. Like the mcu sterilizes anything interesting but keeps enough so the viewer can feel like they’re watching a real movie. Why do you need to watch the evil dead when you can see doc str*nge two. Why should you watch nomadland when you can watch the et*rnals? Why watch hunt for the wilderpeople when Th*r love and thunder is coming out? It drives me up the wall cause it’s obvious that they are trying to cosplay as real movies-they are trying to trick the viewer. I remember seeing a review of eternals saying that this was the mcu making a family drama, and instead of being terrified that they were absorbing other genres they were so excited that they were going to see different genre m*rvel movies. the mcu is pre-chewing all their movies so you don’t have to do any work while watching, and people are gladly devouring it and praising it for being original.

[imagineredwood]

I feel like after sons the writers were so happy they didn’t have to keep writing diversity in lmaoo, like sons covered bunch of different gangs so there was lots of racial diversity but Mayans is mostly brown people(which is how it should be if not all) and all the white people they could find. Like I’m sorry but the whole cast of side characters looks like a snow bank. Sons did a good job of showing you how diverse the people in proximity with them were. In Mayans the only people within reaching distance are white. Like there’s no one else around to interact with(other than that cop and Juan Denver I guess).

So, I have thoughts about this because I've seen it said a couple of times and I feel like people aren't really seeing the bigger picture, so buckle up because it's long.

The main one being that Elgin James had nothing to do with SOA. Mayans is in the same universe as SOA, but it's not the same story. It's a different culture telling a different story, with a different focus, due to different experiences in this country. A difference is also that Kurt was the one responsible for the creative process regarding SOA. So all of the racism, sexism, rape culture, transphobia, homophobia was from Sutter's vision, not Elgins.

Now. The 'diversity in SOA was never really there for diversity. It was there for plot. The Grim Bastards were there to make it seem like the club wasn't as racist as it actually was because "Hey look, we have black friends" talking about their long-established history while simultaneously talking down on them. The 9'ers, same shit. Prentinging to be cordial, only to try and pin them for something they didn't do because they played into the angry black man stereotype, Clay's exact words. Weston was a white supremacist. We know that. Anyone who watched for 10 minutes knew that. That was well established for his storyline. It really wasn't necessary for Sutter to make Weston's chest tattoo a part of the costume design, but he did.

Then they had "relationships" with the Mayans back and forth all the while calling them Spics. So is that added diversity, or is one more avenue for Sutter to include white men looking down on those around them who aren't white?

Then there was the Triad, same thing, Chibs' character references them by calling them "r*ce m*nkeys" so again, was it diversity because they wanted to show diversity and create that atmosphere? Or diversity because...you get the idea.

So that's one thing from a writing standpoint. Sutter was going for a shock value based show that was going to give white Americans a hard on and it did. What better way to bring shock value than to be racist at every turn presented and play on bigotry? Elgin is trying to tell the stories of what Latino MC culture is like along with what the Latino experience is like in this country period. He's not trying to shock the viewers or be named the most controversial show; he's storytelling.

Then there's the fact that communities usually tend to have people within them that look alike, and the smaller the town, the truer that is. People will naturally congregate together with those they have the most in common with. The bigger a city, the more diverse. The smaller a city, usually the more uniform their demographics are. So then speaking on demographics, let's get into demos for the areas that the shows are based around. For the record "Charming" doesn't exist, it's a fictitious place for SOA, however, its general real-life area where it was shot at is San Joaquin County, California. So let's look at the demographics for that location.

It's got a fair bit of diversity in the sense that it's spread out. Disproportionate sure, but the demos are relatively spread out. So the diversity that we see in SOA having been filmed in San Joa county is relatively accurate. The Mayans in that 42.0%, 9'ers and Grim Bastards in the 8.3%, The Triad in the 17.4%, etc.

Now let's look at Calexico, which is the bordering town between the Mexican and Californian wall where Mayans is based.

Not much diversity. Why? Many of the people who live in the Calexico area are Mexican and other Latinx people who have immigrated from Mexico and are just trying to get by and live better lives. Many stay in that area so that it's easy for them to go back and see their families, sometimes at the wall itself if either side is unable to cross. Calexico isn't really a place where people just...go. People that are there are usually there because again, either their family has been there and they never moved, or they're staying there to be closer to their loved ones across the border. There are always exceptions, but that's the basis. So you've got the Latinos that live there...and then you have border patrol and the police force that get their rocks off by going after Brown people for a living. Those are the main two groups present. So Mayans, like SOA, has stuck to being realistic in regards to showcasing the demographics and population in which their shows were filmed. Charming was realistic to San Joa Valley and Mayans to Calexico.

So all of that being said, I don't really understand why Mayans keeps being put under a microscope. I mean xenophobia is why, but I don't get why it can't just be enjoyed and had to be directed when SOA checked every morally void box there was and just got a pass. Mayans MC is scrutinized more than SOA ever was and it just gets a little frustrating after a while. I think it's amazing that Elgin and the cast were given the ability to tell these stories that so many of us in the Latinx community understand and resonate with, and they do it beautifully, but it always seems like there's a reason people want to drag it. I'm not saying that's what you're doing, but that's what keeps happening and it's bothersome. Mayans is supposed to be a spin-off of SOA showcasing life for a Mexican American MC and that's exactly what it's doing. It's doing what it set out to do, and some people are still tearing it apart for things that are realistic.

The diversity on SOA was performative so it could get people talking about it, just like Venus' inclusion was performative. Mayans isn't trying to do that. It's taking Latinx men and women and showing their lives within the Latinx community and the struggles that we face within that community. It's giving Latinx viewers something of our own, but it gets dragged like never before. We're just trying to enjoy this piece of representation that we were given and it's being clouded and tainted by the constant criticism that I never saw SOA get and frankly still doesn't get outside of this community it seems. I don't really know what else to say.

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Have you been asked yet to rank Trust eps? Cos I'm asking! But your the criteria for ranking I leave to you to decide.

Ahahahaha I’ll have you know I put way too much thought into this. :-D

Ok so first of all, there is no such thing as a bad episode of Trust. The whole thing is really tightly written, every character and plot thread has a purpose, and even the episodes that I haven’t watched over and over again are important to the overall story. And a lot of the impact of the show comes from things that are cumulative over multiple episodes.

That being said, I do have favorites. Since the definitive ranking of Primo’s outfits has already been taken care of, here is my ranking from least to most favorite based on some nebulous criteria of artistic/narrative effectiveness and emotional impact, my judgement of which is obviously highly subjective and also correct.

Under the cut because this got ummm unbelievably, ridiculously long.

10. The House of Getty (episode 1)

Sorry Danny Boyle and Simon Beaufoy, the pilot is my least favorite episode. Still think it was the wrong choice to open with a flashy (and, I can tell, expensive) sequence showcasing the death of a character we literally never see again. And, look, I’m an impatient viewer. If I don’t get someone to root for/emotionally identify with/otherwise catch my interest early on in a narrative, I’ll tune out. And Old Paul is not only unlikeable--far from a mortal sin in dramatic storytelling--he’s boring. I don’t care about any of his rich people problems, and I’m not the kind of viewer who can be kept engaged just by hating someone and watching them be terrible.

Some of the secondary characters in the Getty household do have interesting plotlines, but we don’t get to learn very much about them in the first episode. And I do think things get interesting once Little Paul shows up (although I maintain that the whole episode is more interesting if we understand what the stakes are for Paul getting the money), but if I had started watching this show with no context I wouldn’t have made it past Old Paul’s pre-coital erotica listening routine.

If this had been anything other than the first episode I might not have ranked it last, but extra penalty points for leading with your least interesting characters.

9. Lone Star (episode 2)

This episode is, I think, saddled by the fact that it has to do a lot of heavy lifting in terms of exposition and setup. It mostly works because Chace is an entertaining narrator, and once we get to Italy with Gail I think things zip along at a pretty good pace. Opens with an attempted rape to show how Bad the Bad Guys are, which is...not my favorite trope.

Once again, I think a lot of the information in this episode would have worked better if episode 3 had been episode 1. (We’d already know who Berto was when Chace meets him; we’d already know about the box of guns in the apartment; we’d know when certain characters are lying.) This whole show runs on the suspense of the audience being the only party who knows what’s going on with all the characters at once; I think trading mystery for suspense here was the wrong move. I also can’t help thinking there was pressure to front-load the well-known American actors in the beginning of the show at the expense of the strongest narrative choices.

Imo the best thing about this episode is the sort of...multiple competing images of Paul that emerge. His mom sees him as an innocent victim who couldn’t possibly have planned any of this. Chace sees him as a spoiled rich kid trying to swindle his granddad. Neither one of them has the complete truth.

Next we get into some episodes that are certainly not bad, but their greatness is more on the level of some bangin’ individual scenes than a whole package.

8. John, Chapter 11 (episode 6)

Again, this isn’t a bad episode. The main reason I put it near the end of the list is that the first time through I got sort of impatient during the first half. We, the audience, by virtue of our extra-textual knowledge, know that Paul can’t be dead, and we spend about half the episode before we know what really happened to him, which felt a bit too long to me.

This episode does have some fantastic individual scenes including: Leo talking Primo down in the farmhouse, Leo and Paul’s conversation about Angelo’s death, Gail being an absolute badass, and the meeting between Salvatore and Old Paul. A lot of these scenes are essential on a thematic level, but I don’t think the episode as a whole is the most streamlined.

7. Consequences (episode 10)

I debated for a while where to put this episode because the overall feeling of 57 Chekov’s guns going off in the space of one episode is SO satisfying, and the resolutions of some of the individual plotlines are delicious. Ultimately I would have liked more space for Paul and Gail and less Old Paul being grumpy about his substitute child museum’s mediocrity (although the scene with the bad reviews is hilarious). Once again I feel like the show creators felt they had to pull the focus back to Old Paul to wrap things up and I just. don’t care.

That being said. The resolution of Primo’s storyline? SO SATISFYING. And tbh I don’t dislike the scenes that exist with Paul and Gail; even the happy scenes have this poignant tone to them. I think they were trying to deal with the fact that his irl story is just...incredibly fucking tragic, and you can see a bit of the strain showing.

6. Kodachrome (episode 7)

I know episode 7 is not one of your personal favorites, but it’s the one where I think jumping between multiple plotlines/sets of characters is used to the most satisfying dramatic effect. It has this sense of dramatic irony that feels like some Shakespearean family tragedy. The whole episode, we are hoping that Paul Jr. will finally do the thing we want him to do, which is stand up to his father. And he does it--but at the absolute worst, most selfish and destructive moment possible.

Paul Jr. may be the literal worst, but I do have compassion for him in the flashbacks, mostly because it seems painfully apparent that no matter what he does, he will never be able to please his father. But he doesn’t seem to realize this, and he keeps trying, even as it’s destroying him and his relationship with his family. Credit to Michael Esper for his performance for making me feel a smidgen of compassion for this bastard.

I think the other thing this episode shows is how both of Paul’s parents keep putting him, a child, into roles and circumstances that he shouldn’t really be in. He’s wandering around through what seem like very much adult environments with his dad and Talitha in Morocco. In the Trust version of events he’s there when Talitha ODs and is the one trying to revive her while his dad is having a breakdown in the corner. Gail seems like the more responsible parent but there’s something about her bringing Paul as her “date” on a night out, and the understanding that this is a thing that happens regularly...to me the disturbing part is not so much bringing a young kid to a party with adults but the unspoken expectation that Little Paul will fill the void of companionship that his father has left empty. (Gettys expecting Little Paul to step in to cover for the failings of his father is a repeated theme, and it even plays into the ear thing. His family has failed to pay the ransom, so this is now a problem he has to solve himself.) Combine this all with Leonardo going, um, excuse me but what the actual fuck is wrong with your family? and I think it makes a very effective episode. And the last couple minutes had me yelling NOOOOOOOO GODDAMMIT because you can see what’s going to happen and you’re just watching it unfolding like a car wreck. Also has one of my hands-down favorite scenes, of Paul and Primo in the car waiting for the ransom.

5. White Car in a Snowstorm (episode 9)

The ~ D R A M A !!! ~ This episode is an opera. I mean this whole show is dramatique but episode 9 really leans into the vivid imagery--that snowy highway in the mountains above the sea, the all-white ransom exchange, Paul clinging to the pole at the shuttered Getty gas station, some Very Serious Mobsters throwing the ransom money around like idiots in a moment where you’re encouraged to be happy along with them.

This is also one of my favorite episodes for Primo and for Primo and Paul’s weird sometimes-alliance. Primo walking away from Salvatore to go tell Paul “they always pay in the end”? Primo and Paul teaming up to argue with Salvatore about why Paul shouldn’t die? Primo being all threateny to the doctor treating Paul because somewhere deep down he is worried (that’s my take and you’ll never convince me otherwise)? Primo dressing up to fake-scab on a postal strike in order to find a misplaced severed ear? All gold.

Fun fact: the letter Gail writes to President Nixon did happen in real life, but as far as I can tell the phone call did not. The real details of who convinced Old Paul to finally pay (some) of the ransom are considerably less cinematic. They’re the same amount of sexist though!

Ok now we are getting to the top tier...

4. That’s All Folks! (episode 4)

This is definitely the episode that took me from “ok this is fun” to “oh holy shit I’m invested now.” It’s the episode where we get introduced to most of the Calabrian characters and their world. It’s also the episode where we start to realize that Primo is not just a fun antagonist but is really a parallel protagonist to Little Paul, with his own set of relationships and motivations that we start to see from his POV. (I’d argue that, with the exception of his very first scene, we’ve mostly seen Primo through other characters’ gaze up until episode 4, and this is the point where we start watching him as like, the character whose pursuit of a goal we’re following over the course of the scene.)

This episode ranks high for capturing so much of the weird mix of tones that makes Trust work. It can be very funny. (I never fail to fuckin lose it when Fifty is on the phone with Gail the first time and when he’s talking to the thoroughly unimpressed newspaper switchboard operator.) It has this weird unexpected intimacy between characters you wouldn’t think would connect with each other. (Primo and Paul, Paul and Angelo; in retrospect the arc of the relationship between Primo and Leo gets started in that scene in Salvatore’s kitchen.) And it has one of the show’s absolute best record-scratch tone shifts when Primo gets the ransom offer. I remember saying “oh FUCK” out loud the first time I watched the end of that episode, when Primo comes back to the house, visibly drunk and clearly furious. We’ve seen him be violent plenty before now in the show, but always in a controlled, calculated way. This is the first time we see his potential for out-of-control rage-fueled violence and he’s terrifying!

3. La Dolce Vita (episode 3)

I stand by my claim that this episode (with a few minor continuity adjustments) should have been the pilot. Can you imagine a title card that’s like “Rome 1973” and then away we go with Paul snorting coke and taking racy photos and jumping on cops and fucking his girlfriend in what is definitely not proper museum etiquette, and then the smash cut to Primo intimidating and robbing and murdering people? And that’s the opening of the whole show? And you’re like how are these characters connected and then they meet each other and it’s the fucking sunflower field scene??

Anyway aside from the fact that I think knowing the information in this episode would have made episodes 1 and 2 more interesting...it’s just a great fucking episode. It’s kinetic and propulsive and funny and tense and violent and features Primo’s sniper skills and his ass in those cornflower blue trousers. I rest my case.

2. Silenzio (episode 5)

I’ll be honest, I went back and forth on the top two a bunch. Silenzio is definitely my personal favorite episode, and I’d argue that it’s the best written, in terms of what it accomplishes narratively, which is to keep you emotionally invested in both Paul and Angelo trying to escape with their lives, and Primo and Leonardo hunting them down. That’s so fucking hard!! And yes some of it is great acting but it starts from the foundation of the writing. It’s just such a perfect little self-contained horror movie, and it has this profound sense of fatalism to it, because you know from the beginning (if only by virtue of only being halfway through the series) that Paul is not going to escape, and you sort of know that there is only one way this will end for Angelo. And yet they escape by the skin of their teeth so! many! times!

It’s also the episode where you see how much power the ‘Ndrangheta has over people’s lives in this community: Salvatore is like God, calling his servants to him with the church bells. Combine that with the visuals of two characters running for their lives mostly on foot through this unforgiving landscape, and you really get the sense of this environment as a harsh place where most people have a very constrained set of choices, and the claustrophobia of that. You get the sense in this episode that everyone is trapped in these expectations of violence and duty and honor. Angelo did what anyone with compassion would do, and saved Paul from what seemed like certain death, and he’s doomed for it. At the same time Primo is doing exactly what anyone would expect him to do in response to a subordinate who disobeyed him. In some ways the end of the episode feels inevitable, unsurprising, and yet they do SUCH a good job of winding up the tension until the literal last seconds of the episode, and then releasing it with a big dramatic bang. It’s so good!!

1. In the Name of the Father (episode 8)

Ok I’ll be honest the ONLY reason In the Name of the Father edged out Silenzio for the top spot is that it is really clear they pulled out all the stops in terms of making this episode feel extra heightened in a show where everything is already heightened. Like, the cinematography is different? They still use handheld a lot but I swear there are more still shots and more extreme, editorial camera angles like that shot of Francesco looking upward in church where the camera is looking down from above him. I can’t tell if they actually tweaked the color grading or if the bright white and blood red just stand out against the Calabrian color palette which is mostly earth tones, browns and greens and blues.

There are just. So many layers to this episode. The imagery! The literal sacrificial lamb at the beginning, Francesco being guided by Leonardo through an act of violence against an animal, something that I’m sure they don’t even see as violence but just part of farm life, part of survival and in this case part of a celebration, but something that fathers teach their sons how to do as part of becoming a man in this world. Paul as the metaphorical sacrificial lamb later, drawing parallels to Jesus (the lamb of God), Isaac (a father sacrificing his son), any number of martyred saints, pick your Catholic imagery. The blood of the lamb on the tree stump and Paul’s blood on the stone. The communion wafer (the body and blood of Christ) and Francesco at the end with Paul’s blood and a literal piece of his body held in his hands the same way.

And then there is like, the suspense of watching everyone marking time through the steps of this community ritual that’s supposed to be a joyful, communal celebration, while we know that there is a secret ticking away under the surface. The slow unfolding of the lie told to one person spreading to everyone in the village, and then the knowledge that Salvatore knows spreading to all the people who’ll be in trouble for that. The relationship arcs between the main Calabrian characters...not resolving, but sliding into place for the final act. Primo finally being done with Salvatore. Primo and Leo’s alliance being cemented and Leo physically stepping between Primo and Salvatore, to protect Primo. (No one ever protects Primo!! Still not over it!!!!) The confirmation celebration as a mirror of the Getty party in episode 1, the parallels drawn between the 3 Pauls and Salvatore-Primo-Francesco and how Primo reacts to being passed over as heir vs. how Paul Jr. reacts. Little Paul having two whole minutes of screen time and managing to break your heart with them. Regina! Just...Regina’s whole everything. The music going all-instrumental for an episode and having this haunting, dreamlike but still tense quality to it. And the fact that we never cut away from Calabria to another plotline gives the whole episode this hypnotic, all-encompassing quality. It’s just. SO GOOD!!!!

[jotarosbelt]

Colorful Camboys, 2.

a/n: hi!! i'm back! i finished up school and got a bit of my writing inspo back, so, i thought i'd write another Colorful Camboy's chapter for you guys <3

hope you're all staying safe! enjoy~

p.s. i haven’t written smut in a HOT minute and lowkey forgot how to write for josuke, but i tried! i’m sorry 😭

p.p.s. i didn’t proof read :) we die like men, fuck it

————

Summary: A Modern AU where your favorite boys are just trying to get off and make money.

You're one of their viewers and happen to catch their attention.

————

18+ content ahead!

Josuke - Pink

You’d come to the point where porn was honestly just boring.

It didn’t hurt to want to try something new! Maybe a new genre, a different site? But, all of it was the same old same old. And the disgustingly cheesy, clickbaity titles didn’t do much to turn you on or catch your interest either. You pursed your lips as you scrolled, coming across a camboy website.

You blinked. ‘A camboy website?’

Curiosity had ultimately gotten the best of you as you clicked the link. Almost immediately, tons of live-streams came up, thousands of boys right at your disposal.

‘This is gonna be fun.’

You scrolled through the plethora of streams in search of a boy that appealed to you. For the most part, a good chunk of them were your type. In shape, good looking— there weren’t many bad apples on the tree you were picking from.

Your eyes landed on a certain pompadoured boy by the name ‘ShiningDiamond1999.’ The username definitely raised an eyebrow or two, and the boy sure was good looking, so you simply clicked the stream to see what was up.

He wasn’t popular for no reason. He was cute! It was the oddly ‘adorable, yet super hot’ combo, and girls (and guys alike) were eating that shit up.

You sat back as you watched the boy palm himself through pink boxers.

“Oh? We gotta new person, huh?”

He leaned forward, hand still on his cock as he narrowed his eyes at his monitor. Part of you was embarrassed that he caught you so quickly— he had so many patrons there already! He must’ve been an attentive host.

You liked that.

“A guest, eh? How about you give me a name to call you by, cupcake? You don’t have to make an account for me to take notice of you, yanno.”

You couldn’t help but smile. He seemed sweet; he gave off the aura of someone who’d take care of his partner no matter what, and you had to admit that it was comforting. Not only was he easy on the eyes, he was someone who gave off the impression that he wouldn’t break your heart despite the fact that everything he said was meant for both you and the thousands of other viewers he had right now.

He really must’ve been good.

You splayed your fingers out across the keys, typing out a response. ‘Just call me [username].’

You could see him raise an arched eyebrow. He smiled brightly and leaned back into his chair. “[Username]? I can do that for you, babe.”

Teasingly, he ran his fingers down his torso to the waistband of his boxers. He simply smiled mischievously at the camera and popped the band against his hipbone. “Enough with the chit chat, yeah? I don’t wanna bore our new guest, so let’s get this show on the road, babies!”

Thumbs slipped under the elastic and pushed his underwear down his muscular thighs. His cock sprung out, slapping against his toned stomach and you couldn’t help the groan that escaped your mouth. No wonder he was so loved— he was sculpted by the gods themselves.

His bottom lip wrung itself between his teeth as he gripped his member with a large hand. Up, down, up, down— the motion was hypnotizing as it was erotic, and you could’ve sworn the way he looked at the camera while he did it brought you to the brink of an orgasm alone.

“I hope you’re touching yourself, too, baby girl. I don’t wanna be the only one getting off.”

His hand left his cock to push his boxers the rest of the way down. Without the restrictions the garment brought, he spread his legs wider. You could see everything from the way his balls tensed whenever he teased his head, and the way his asshole clenched around the pink buttplug on the downstroke.

Your eyes widened. ‘Buttplug? He's into that?’

Your eyebrows relaxed and a sly grin took form on your face.

The things you’d give to ruin this boy.

“God, fucking—“, he keened desperately, “I wish you were here right now.”

You subconsciously rubbed your thighs together. You were here to get off, but his performance was so goddamn captivating that you didn’t want to take your eyes off of him for even a second. So, you did what you could to strip yourself of your shorts and panties while still watching, reaching over to grab your vibrator.

“You’d be taking care of me right? Stroking my cock till the head turns red— shit—“

The soft buzz of the toy filled your room and you gingerly placed it on your clit. You jolted at the sensation. It had been a while since you had a nice session for yourself; you didn’t have much time to draw it out and really make yourself see stars. This was nice. Being able to sit back and watch somebody get off to help you get off wasn’t something you had seen yourself doing, but you really might have to make it a more common occurrence.

“[Username].”

Your eyes snapped open and met his, despite the fact that he couldn’t see you. You switched the vibrator over to your non-dominant hand and let the other reach out to the keyboard to type out a quick “yes?”

“Since it’s your first time here, I’ll let you choose.”

Well, this was interesting.

The man on the other side of the screen reached out of frame for a moment to grab something. When his hand entered view again, he had a hot pink dildo in hand.

“So, love, buttplug or dildo? What’cha in the mood for?”

You narrowed your eyes at the screen best you could in the midst of your pleasure-filled haze and typed out your answer.

‘Dildo.’

You didn’t miss the inkling of a grin that lied on his lips. The ravenette leaned back in the chair and pulled out the plug, replacing it with the pink toy.

“Hah~, fuck. Good choice, babe—!”

His eyes rolled backwards into his skull as he sank the silicon toy further into himself. You whimpered and leaned back further into your seat, bumping up the intensity of the toy. This was gonna be a good session, if you said so yourself. You’d have to bookmark this page for later.

“Fuck, I bet you look so good right now. All flushed and panting and wanting to cum, right?”

Your breathing sped up, chest heaving as your hips canted into your hand. “God, yes please—“

Almost as if he heard your pleas, he continued right after you finished speaking. “Then lets cum together. S-Shit, cum with me baby, I’ll count.”

As if on instinct, you grown the vibrator into you, putting it on its highest setting. It was enough to make you jump out of your skin. You had goosebumps everywhere, cold sweat was running down your forehead, and your thighs were shaking like mad. How could a stranger have so much power over you?

“Five.”

You forced your eyes open to look at your screen, eyes locked on the streamer and his hand furiously jerking himself off. You watched as his adam’s apple bobbed in his throat.

“Four.”

Your vision began to blur. You were so close yet so far from your orgasm, and in all honesty, you could’ve came right now. But, finishing with this stranger seemed a lot more appealing than doing it on your own.

“Ah, fuck— three—“

The veins in his arms bulged and he reached around to grip the base of the dildo. He threw his head back as he fucked himself it, his jaw falling slack and hanging open.

“Two—!”

At this point, both of you were chasing your releases like animals. There was something so primal about this— backs arched and hips spasming as you both selfishly chased euphoria. You gripped the side of your desk chair bruisingly, waiting for him to finish counting and—

“One— fuck, one, I’m cumming—!”

Your moan mixed with his as it came out of your laptop speaker. He whined, you yelled, and you both were riding your orgasms like a wave. You hadn’t cum that hard in a while. It was the kind of finish that makes you see stars and make your scalp tingle, and when you came down, you saw the camboy covered in his own release and strands of his hair out of place.

He looked so out of it. He was panting heavily with red airbrushed over his chest and cheeks, and pieces of his once perfect hairstyle stuck to his forehead. He was definitely not present in that moment in time, still on Cloud 9, but you didn’t mind watching as his vision came back into focus and his breathing slowed.

Slowly, he reached down to pull the toy out of his ass and place it some place out of frame. He laughed airily, his large hand running down the expanse of his throat momentarily before speaking.

“Alright, that was really fun. I gotta go clean up now, but I’ll be back to tomorrow, same time!”

You followed his hand as it moved to his mouse to end the stream.

”Oh, and I hope to see you again tomorrow, too, [Username]. I hope you had fun, love.”

This user is now offline.

[mischas]

Sorry for going on and on about this but yes, absolutely, R*b Thom@s ruined all the good memories I had about Veronica Mars, I literally sold my VM DVDs because I can’t see myself rewatching it ever again after what they did to Logan. And: FOR WHAT? This is what pisses me off!!!

I think what I meant is that female characters are screwed and aren’t forgiven for that, you know?

The audience can forgive male characters even when writers make them ooc as f-ck but if a female character does 01 thing ‘wrong’ it’s over for them. (Or they’re much more criticized and judged, at least.)

Like one of my very favorite ships ever, the male character was written so ooc at some point (s3 to be more exact) it broke my heart, and later my girl was also written ridiculously ooc but even when he was the one being written ooc people started disliking HER because she was disappointed with him.

The misogyny! *sighs*

It is cruel and the more I talk about it or try to (because most times I feel very alone for having so many feelings and opinions about fictional characters I love) I just wanna scream at the person that thought those writing choices were good.

When you love a character so much and you see them go through a lot and then you think they’re going to get a break... I mostly get attached to ships when I see those two people can be for each other what no one else has been for them before. It’s like: okay, so now they have love! Great, I need them to be loved and feel loved.

How can these writers think it will be interesting for viewers to tune in every week to watch who they love suffer? The worst thing is that the stupid haters leave, they’re not the ones that stay watching no matter what because they still have hopes it will get better! And it hurts, I wish I could be like those people that think it’s “just a tv show” or the ones that move on easily to another show, another ship. Sorry, I’ve been very mad about it lately and it feels like it’s never going to pass.

P.S: You reminded me I have to watch Breaking Bad, thanks for that! And of course thanks for answering so many asks, I couldn’t do it because I’m an emotional mess. You rock!

Omg fuck R*b Th*m*s and KB*ll for that decision for real. The way they stood behind that decision was so gross. Apparently you can't have a happy lady detective because that doesn't work *rolls eyes forever*.

Yeah, you're right. Female characters are treated more cruelly and in my experience not really given redemption arcs. I'm sorry about your fave couple! I hate that for you, honestly. Ships and characters can come to mean so much to us and for writers/showrunners/producers to step all over that and 'start anew' is so disrespectful to your audience.

Let me say this. You are truly not alone. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and this television shit is supposed to help me, not hurt me. So when it hurts me, it HURTS ME. I see myself in Marissa Cooper and in the various ladies that have gotten fridged in media. The message I get from these decisions is that your number was up anyway. It's incredibly reductive and usually only happens to females.

Excellent point. The people hating on said character will inevitably go away while us diehards will stick around and endure the content because we've grown attached. It's a vicious cycle. I feel like teen dramas in particular want ships and characters to suffer so they can maintain the buzzy kind of drama networks want. It's just exhausting for audiences who've grown to care for these characters as if they're people because they were written to be sympathetic. I have no real advice on how to get over it because I myself have not mastered it. I really am sorry you're going through this, and want you to know my ask box is always open. Answering these can be emotionally taxing so I take a day or two in between, but I really do enjoy the discourse. I look forward to seeing new messages pop up and more people to discuss these things with!

I HIGHLY recommend Breaking Bad. Talk about iconic television. It's paced so well and doesn't ever overstay its welcome. The story, evolution, and symbolism are out of this world.

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 2]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; cam show, masturbation, dirty talk, sir!kink, tiny jealous!seungcheol. Wow! Thank you all so much for your interest in Cherry Bomb and our very favorite simp! LMAO 😆 And thank you all for being so patient! I know one week drags on when ur waiting for content so thank you so so so so so much for your patience! 🥰🍒 also, some new characters in this, am sorry if ur not a fan but the rest of svt r also simps in this so we had to expand a bit 🤪 HAHAHA HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEUNGCHEOL!!!

chapters; 1 - 2 - ? 

It’s 10:05AM when Seungcheol makes it to work, tossing his things in his employee locker before pocketing his phone and heading out to the floor for the day.

He’d gotten approximately 3 hours of sleep and the giddiness was still eating him up when he greets Jeongguk; the tall male that works at the concession stand at the roller rink.

“Hey Seungcheol-hyung! Whoa, you look like you didn’t get any sleep, what happened to you?” The two share a laugh; Seungcheol ruffling his own hair as he sighs. “I couldn’t sleep last night, I was just too… Uh, excited about w-work…” He stutters out, Jeongguk’s eyebrow raised almost immediately at the blatant lie.

“Hyung, we’ve been working here for months. No offense, but nobody gets excited about coming here. Yoongi-hyung is hiding in the restroom as we speak.” Jeongguk deadpans, eyes rolling as he passes Seungcheol a water bottle. “Did you get laid?”

Not really, but kinda? But no, Seungcheol thinks.

“Nah, I just, I got a new PC game and I stayed up all night playing. You know how it is!” Jeongguk nods in understanding.

Seungcheol checks his phone for the umpteenth time since he’d woken up and you still hadn’t texted him. Not that he entirely expected to be woken up to a text message from you, but he perhaps had dreamt of it; waking up and scrambling to find the device while he shook the sleep from his eyes.

Sighing, he pockets the device, swiping the water bottle off of the countertop before he shoots Jeongguk a fixed stare. “When does Namjoon-hyung get back from his vacation?” Namjoon was one of the managers who’d gone on an extended vacation recently which left Seungcheol picking up extra shifts. 

On normal occasions, he would’ve politely declined but seeing as it meant extra cash, he practically begged to take them.

“Mmm, dunno. Maybe like a week?” Seungcheol mentally cheers; that meant one more week of extra pay even if he dragged his tired body home every night. He would finally be able to buy you that Sybian that he’d been saving up for. You never asked for one but Seungcheol liked to spoil you and quite frankly, he wanted to see you fall apart on it while you thought of him.

“Cool, well, I’ll be disinfecting the rollerskates. Tell Yoongi-hyung to come help me if he ever emerges from the restroom.”

“You got it, hyung!”

In the time between leaving Jeongguk at the concession stand and the fourth pair of skates he’s disinfected, a party of ten show up at the roller rink; loud and obnoxious as they set their things everywhere. He sighs, knowing exactly that he would be the one to clean up the mess afterwards.

Seungcheol watches the gaggle of teens fumble all over the rink, a sigh on his lips as he sanitizes another pair of skates. He contemplated every single day if it was worth working at the old and usually empty rollerskating rink, but he had to admit, it paid obscenely well. Nobody wanted to work there so his boss basically paid him double his old wage; silent screams running through his head as soon as he realized that meant he can afford to spoil you with more gifts. That had been hard when he was working at the diner down the street.

“Hey ‘Cheol, some kid broke the wheels off of his rental skates. D’you think you can go handle it?” Yoongi drawls, eyes glued to his phone as he waits for Seungcheol’s reply.

Goddamnit.

“Sure, let me just finish cleaning these.”

Yoongi nods, walking off. Seungcheol sets the old pair of skates down, dusting off his work pants as he stands up. He feels his phone vibrate in the pocket, fishing it out to check what it is.

[cherry_clouds has gone live!]

His vision goes red; pupils shaking when he sees it. You never went live this early in the day. He can feel his throat going dry, panicked screaming in his head when he realizes his break isn’t for another hour and a half and your shows usually lasted at least 45 minutes on a short day. But Seungcheol can’t miss this; not after the two of you had spoken last night.

Seungcheol’s teeth clench as he glances around the loud room, seeing his co-workers on the floor. He just needed to catch your show for at least 15 minutes and he swore he’d be fine.

“Fuck them kids.” He mutters under his breath, beelining for the employee restroom.

Seungcheol says a thankful prayer, locking the door behind him as he sits on the countertop. Just a few minutes; 20 tops. He lowers the volume so nobody can hear your voice except for him.

tangerine_kwan: whoa, a morning show?

alphagyu97: for once, i’m glad i wake up early

xcaliburDK: honestly, same

You giggle on screen, wiping the sleepiness from your eyes as you stretch out on your bedsheets. Seungcheol smiles appreciatively; you’d slept in the cute sheer lavender babydoll he’d sent you when you first hit 5k subs. “I know… it’s really rare, huh? I woke up and I felt so needy… I was so wet when I woke up…” He watches with bated breath as you tease yourself, running your hands from your torso down between your legs.

artist8hao: oh? what’s on your mind, doll?

universe_WZ: what did i miss

“I was just thinkin’, y’know? I couldn’t sleep last night after I finished all the important stuff I had to do~ ‘n you didn’t miss anything yet~” You tease, fingertips pressing into your soaking panties as you moan.

dom.cheol: i couldn’t sleep either… too busy thinkin’ about you ;)

Seungcheol feels the adrenaline pulsing through his veins, checking how much time has passed since he holed up in the restroom.

dom.cheol has donated $50

therealchan99 has donated $25

therealchan99: all the insomniacs are probably cryin rn

sleepy_wonu: speak for yourself, i’m deadass in the middle of my forensics lab with headphones on and the screen dimmed to hell

“Oho~ Is our sleepy_wonu trying to be a forensics scientist?” You giggle, biting your lip cutely as you stare into the camera lens.

sleepy_wonu: ya, maybe i can buy you gifts if i ever start getting paid big bucks

Seungcheol’s eyes narrow at the comments, jealousy bubbling up at one of your other regulars. He typically tried to keep his jealousy in check, knowing that just because he showered you with gifts didn’t mean the two of you were exclusive or that you owed him anything. And he especially knew you always liked to engage with your viewers and ask them about themselves.

“Hmm~ Our dom.cheol seems quiet this morning~ Everything okay, sir?” Seungcheol feels the arousal pouring over his body and he tries to will it away;  after all, he still needed to get back to work once you were done.

dom.cheol: everything’s ok, sweetheart. you’re very cute in the morning

Your eyes pierce the camera and Seungcheol can momentarily feel his breath stop; fingertips clutching his phone for dear life.

“Mmm, I went to sleep last night dreamin’ of nice and strong hands pinning me down to my bed ‘n fuckin me into the sheets…” You pause, slipping the sheer babydoll over your head which left you only in your lace panties. “And there was a really really really dominating voice making me cum and tellin’ me to take all of his cock and oh~ god, it’s like I could feel it!” You finish, slipping your soaking panties off before you spread your legs wide for the camera.

You don’t waste any time, plunging two fingers deep into your pussy as you keen, toes curling against the sheets as you start fucking yourself.

“Ngh, fu--fuck, ‘n they made me cum over and, hah, o-over, fucking my pussy ‘n my ass… ‘n then cumming down my throat… Mmh and I still wanted more even when they filled me up with so much cum~”

Seungcheol’s throat is drier than a desert, almost dropping his phone as he listens to you. There was absolutely no way you weren’t talking about him.

tangerine_kwan: holy shit

dom.cheol: what else, baby

You curl your fingers, barely able to touch your g-spot and it makes you wonder for a second how well Seungcheol could finger you and how much of his cock you could take.

“A-ah, and--mmh, and I--I kept begging ‘Sir, p-please fuck me more!’ ‘n I felt so f-full… God, it felt so real~ I really needed to cum when I woke up so I turned on my cam~” You whine, thumb pressing down onto your clit. You hated to admit it but thinking of Seungcheol’s deep voice and obscenely handsome good looks was enough to make you cum once more before you even went to sleep and now even your subconscious seemed to crave the devilishly handsome male.

alphagyu97 has donated $75

dom.cheol has donated $250

artist8hao: those cute ‘lil fingers enough to satisfy your greedy pussy?

Mewling, you start rubbing circles on your clit, chasing the quickly growing urge to cum. The sound of donations flood your ears but all you can think of is Seungcheol’s deep voice groaning and growling into your ear. “No~ I want m-more but… but I came so much last night too! Maybe I am a ‘lil greedy, huh?” You tease, adding a third finger as you moan loudly. The stretch felt good; head imagining Seungcheol’s fingers as you fuck yourself faster.

dom.cheol: why don’t you cum? I can see you want to, sweetheart.

“Mmm, is it okay, sir? Can I cum already?” You ask shyly, batting your eyelashes at the camera as Seungcheol grits his teeth, cock throbbing in his work pants. He would definitely need to take care of this before he stepped back out onto the floor.

dom.cheol: cum, babygirl, you deserve it.

Your eyes snap shut right after you read Seungcheol’s comment, biting your lip as you race to your orgasm. The sound of your fingers fucking into your wet pussy and your moans are all Seungcheol can hear, pupils blown wide knowing you just came thinking about him, probably. Or so he hoped, at least.

You can feel your legs shaking, threatening to snap shut as your orgasm crests; the sound of rapid fire donations battering your ears as you cum hard on your own fingers. Choked sobs and cries are all you can muster, shapes dancing behind your eyelids the entire time the pleasure washes over you.

xcaliburDK: well goddamn, good morning to me

sleepy_wonu: fuck

universe_WZ: i… speechless

Seungcheol smiles smugly to himself, mentally patting himself on the back.

“Mm… ‘m so tired…” You murmur, slipping your wet fingers from inside your pussy as you moan at the emptiness. Seungcheol watches as you lick your fingers, cleaning them off before you lay on your side facing the camera.

universe_WZ: i think u deserve a nap

alphagyu97: yea, cuz holy shit fuck that was hot

therealchan99: god i love it when u dirty talk

j__min has donated $400

j__min: me too, dollface ;)

Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s face at the newcomer, blood draining from his body at how much they seemed to donate on the first go.

“Huh? Oh! Do we have a new regular?” You inquire, sleepiness lacing your voice. A nap was definitely needed after the last 24 hours of your life.

j__min: ur quite cute, might need to keep my eye on u princess ;)

dom.cheol has donated $450

That’ll show them, Seungcheol thinks. He didn’t often think of himself as competitive either, but goddamn, would he go the extra mile for you.

You giggle tiredly on camera and he can see the sleepiness in your eyes, watching with fondness as you answer a few more comments, yawning cutely as you stretch out on the bedsheets again. He mentally thanks you for not giving the newcomer any extra attention.

dom.cheol: take a nap, sweetheart.

Nodding, you yawn once more. “Okay, everyone~ I think I’m gonna take that nap you all seem to want me to take, hehe~ ‘n then I’ll probably wake up and get some food delivered ‘cause I’m still really tired after last night… But I just can’t help it, y’know? Sometimes I just wanna be fucked nice ‘n hard by a real cock~” Winking, you say your goodbyes, thanking them for their donations and support; blowing the camera a kiss before you end the stream.

Seungcheol lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, body slumping atop the counter. He had loads of questions now that you were off air. Firstly, were you thinking about him? Secondly, who the fuck was j__min?

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he checks the clock. 45 minutes. He groans. At least nobody had come looking for him.

Seungcheol places his phone down onto the counter, biting his lip and palming himself over his work pants before he thinks, screw it.

A satisfied groan spills from his lips as soon as he wraps a hand around his throbbing cock, not wasting another second before he starts a quick pace. He imagines your tight pussy and your face contorting in pleasure as he fucks you into your own bedsheets, thrusting up into his clenched fist as the images linger in his mind. Licking his lips, he thinks about your sweet moans as you beg him for more, stray tears slipping down your cheeks when you call him ‘sir’ through choked sobs.

And it doesn’t take long before Seungcheol is cumming, teeth biting into his bottom lip to keep his noises in as the euphoria washes over him.

He sighs, sated, as he slows down his strokes, thankful he didn’t get any cum on his work pants.

Seungcheol gives himself a second to catch his breath, shuffling off of the countertop to get cleaned up before he steps back out. He grimaces when he meets his own eyes in the dingy mirror; he’d just gotten off at work while you did an extremely rare morning show. Granted, it wasn’t the lowest he’d ever felt but definitely was a contender.

Shaking his head, he steps back out, the outdated pop music hitting his ears as soon as the roller rink comes back into view.

The gaggle of teens are still on the floor, Jeongguk looks unbothered and Yoongi sits by the skate rental booth; not a single one of them even noticing he was missing for the approximate hour he was in the restroom.

He really loved his job.

That night, Seungcheol trudges home more tired than he usually is.

You still hadn’t texted him, which was fine. But he had checked his phone every second he had free, zoning out when he saw no new notifications.

Seungcheol toes his shoes off once he crosses the threshold of his studio apartment, making his way to the sofa before he flops down onto it. He scrolls through a few apps, mindlessly reading a few things before his stomach growls.

“Guess I should eat…” He mumbles to himself, placing his phone onto his chest before he closes his eyes for a second. Sighing, he relaxes, almost falling asleep. It was generally really loud at work with the people and the music always blaring, so he liked to bask in the quietness whenever he had the chance to.

This time, however, the peace and quiet doesn’t last long when his phone vibrates on his chest, alerting him of a text message. He grabs his phone at lightning speed, eyes wide when he sees a text message from an unknown number. Quickly opening the notification, his pupils shake as he recognizes your typing style almost immediately.

Unknown Number: Cheollie~ ><;; ‘m sorry I didn’t text sooner… i was kinda shy… and i slept so much too hehe~ oops~ i hope i’m not bothering you? i didn’t know when it was a good time…

Seungcheol shakes his head at his phone, sitting up as the excitement blooms within him again. He take a moment to figure out the best response, typing and erasing the same sentence three times before he sends it.

‘Not at all, sweetheart. ;) How was your nap?’

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

The truth about Mii-Yu.

...

*Once again, Miu looks up at the URF, constantly monitoring the progress.

Technician: M-Ms Iruma...Um...We have some issues...I-I mean we’re facing a problem...!

If it’s not about the reactor, then I don’t wanna hear it! We can worry about it later.

Technician: S-Sorry Miss...it’s just...there are intruders down on the Factory Floor ma’am.

Then get rid of them and stop bothering me!

You think I have time to worry about your stupid intruders!? Is that my job too!?

Technician: W-Well ma’am it’s just-ABABABHABAHBAHBA!!!

!!?

*Miu lurches back as the Technician suddenly gets electrocuted by someone who sneaks up behind him. When he falls, Miu looks at the figure who shocked him, holding a taser.

...

Huh!?

Heh. Sorry. Couldn’t exactly think of an appropriate way to get in here without pulling a few tricks.

*SWOOSH!*

But I would say this was a pretty successful infiltration...Wouldn’t you?

!!!

*Miu reaches under the desk and pulls out a pistol.

Why are you here...!?

What’s that gun going to do to me? Delete my panties?

No. It’ll fry your brain and possibly give you cancer if you don’t speak...!

So violent. You don’t need to be so defensive you know?

Hm...Ok, let me ask...Why do YOU think I’m here?

Well, honestly, I can think of a few things. Three to be exact.

For 1) After somehow noticing my “treacherous acts” against the Future Foundation and what I’ve done to the Tower, you’re here to recruit me into Organization Zetsubou.

In which case, the answer is a fat fucking no, and I’ll fry your fucking brain.

Oh please, our team is better off without you. What else is there?

Hmph...I’m not sure if I should feel relieved or offended...!

2) You’re here to take back Keebo and steal him away from me.

In which case...!

*Miu approaches Tsumugi dangerously and presses the barrel of her laser up against her forehead.

I’ll fry your FUCKING BRAIN!

...Tempting...Definitely tempting...But I have no use for a robot that doesn’t work.

In case you forgot, Mikado, the only person who could have pulled the robot’s strings, is now dead. We’ve tried to revitalize his AI, but it turns out we can’t...

We still have her, but I’m sure she’s comfortable where she is...

Who?

Never you mind. Point is I’m not here for Keebo.

In which case...3) You being here has nothing to do with me.

You’re just here for the tower. You wanna take it over from me, and use this tower to fulfil your own evil purposes.

In which case you’ll-

Fry your fucking brain...!

*sigh* Well, to be honest Miu, all three of your guesses are wrong. You’re close. But you’re wrong.

This is purely a visit out of spite.

And you expect me to believe that?

I’m just not fond of the idea of you taking over the central villain role from me.

No one’s taking shit! I don’t want your flashy title!

If you’ve got nothing better to do, then get the fuck out of here! I won’t even tell anyone you were here if you just leave me the fuck alone.

Hmph...Foolish girl...

What was that? Wh-Who’re you calling foolish!?

If you really had the guts and the brains, then you’d be doing everyone a favor by taking me out right now...

I’ve got better things to do than waste my time with a worthless piece of shit like you...

*Miu grabs a wrench and turns away from Tsumugi, ignoring her to work on the URF.

Are you sure about that? I might have some things that could be of potential use to you...

Tell me something...

Do you want to know the truth about Mii-Yu?

...!

*Miu drops her wrench.

...What did you say?

I’m here to tell you the truth. Did you ever think it odd that Mii-Yu came from my labs and doesn’t remember a thing about herself? I had those memories wiped.

...What is she? WHO is she?

Ah, I see I’ve got your interest?

Cut the bullcrap, Shitogane.

I think you pressed the wrong key there...it’s an R, not a T.

...

Fine then...I guess I’ll give you this little tidbit of info...

Do you remember what Keebo’s purpose was in the Killing Game? You didn’t live long enough to find out, but I’m sure someone must have told you by now.

He was a walking camera. Nothing more. The viewers of the killing game spoke things to him thanks to that antenna on his head.

...

*Tsumugi points to Keebo’s ahoge.

So? What about it?

The truth is actually a lot simpler than you think it is...

In case you haven’t noticed...Mii-Yu has one of those antennae as well...

Wait...you mean...

Mii-Yu and Keebo are the same. They’re both robot character created to be the eyepieces for the viewers.

Mii-Yu was a prototype of sorts. She was going to be the robot character in the killing game before we decided to replace her with Keebo.

Why’d you replace her?

A few reasons. For one, she’s faulty. Keebo himself is nothing special, but Mii-Yu had some functions that just didn’t work. She was more style over substance than Keebo was.

And another reason...I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but every series, the killing game participants have a split gender division. There are 16 total participants, 8 boys and 8 girls.

When choosing the cast for Danganronpa 53, we have more female volunteers than male. That’s why we substituted Mii-Yu for Keebo.

...So she’s nothing but trash to you...

I suppose...She did help me out quite a bit before, but...

Well...I’ll tell you what...Take this.

*Tsumugi hands Miu an object.

What is this, a pen?

Give it to Mii-Yu. It will jog her memory.

So if I give it to her, she’ll remember her purpose?

Correct.

Why would I want to do that?

I understand you not wanting to...The truth that she’s nothing but a piece of junk that we threw to the side is a harsh one after all...

But everyone has a right to the truth. Be it human, or robot.

...Fine. But it’ll be up to me to choose how I do it, and what I do after.

And you’re wrong. Mii-Yu isn’t a piece of junk, no matter what you say. She’s a person...And I care about her.

...Suit yourself. I can understand getting attached to fictional characters.

*SWOOSH!*

I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your face for a bit while I make my exit...

*Tsumugi turns around and leaves before Miu can say anything.

...Fucking bitch...

...So that’s the truth huh? Psh...Like I’m gonna believe anything she tells me...

Still...I probably still should give Mii-Yu this pen when I next see her.

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Pan? Polysexual sounds better now

Back to guys, gay girls, nonbinaries, pan, bi, gender-fluid, and queer people.

I might have to take a recap on matches who are trans for right now,

I still have a lot to learn about what my true identity is for right now.

Because I really can't stick to just one label...

Aye, that's just me. And dating apps are starting to feel like a job, there's too many people matching with me and trying to remember names is getting a lot to handle when you're on 3 different apps and about 20 conversations going at the same time. And still 99 people waiting on you to swipe right on them, on each one. And plus I'm not as picky about looks as I was before, so I'm mostly reading just bios, analyzing photos to see what could be their interests in, and making sure I'm not being too passive on red flags when people talk to you.

I will admit, I still swipe right on them if they're trans and I'm attracted to them. I just know me, I'd rather date someone who was fully transitioned or somebody who is still on the nonbinary, before part. Only because I know me.

I had to watch someone I had already grown into getting to know and getting attached to, and then when I finally got comfortable with them for over a yr, they changed that drastically during those 3months we were separate and I had no idea about it.....I'm not sure if I could watch it happen before my eyes. Cause then I would have to miss the way they were before, because of my attraction to their naturally mixed feminine/masculine looking features and actions. So, ideally I wouldn't have changed anything about them.

I don't wanna grow attached to a voice or a face or a body that will no longer be there tomorrow. I know that person before is still in there, but it's different when you're romantically attracted to them, been intimate with them vs when you're just a friend. My experience shocked and scared my paranoia and fear of change. I remember crying when my dad started growing white and grey hairs in his beard. Cause I never want my dad to change, cause I've grown up with him being this strong man that always was there for me, held me, made me feel safe, calmed me down when I had my moments, and tucked me in when I wanted to feel comfortable. He showed me that he always loved me, always cared about me, and that he was never gonna leave me. As if he's never gonna die during my time on this earth. Seeing his greyishly, white hairs, I thought death and that my daddy will soon no longer be the fun, happy, strong dad that I've always been with as his princess. And that's kind of what vibe this particular person was to me, even though they weren't as smart, strong, or always there for me....cause most of the time my nights alone cause they couldn't or didn't know I needed them to be there fo r me like that to feel loved or just to feel wanted. Cause I couldn't speak up.

But now, that they has turned into a he. I feel like its brutally denying me to chance to not only say goodbye to them as they, but I would have to get reacquainted to HE, with a totally different name, maybe different personality, maybe different sexuality, and I won't know if I like the new evolved version of this person. The fear of the unknown is high for me. Especially when there's a 40% rate of fems that decided to change their sexual orientation after taking testosterone. I 'm possessive about my partners and I would hate to know that after seeing this person physically change and go through so much emotional/mental changes that one day they decide "Hey, I think I like men now, I wanna give this a shot. Could we make this work?"

I would tell Him, to go right ahead and go on a date with that coworker or guy on Tinder/Grinder. But I'm not gonna be here when you come home. Because to me that's some bullshit. And I've known this person well enough to know, that they don't mind using other people to meet their sexual needs that I can't possibly give them due to my actual gender and my body as such. I wouldn't want to share my partner, nor watch them get fucked by another man...because I'm not a man, im a woman...theres a huuuuuugggeeee difference.

And if it ever came to that point 3 yrs later and He became someone I didn't know anymore, because of the hormones changing how they feel as a man, dysphoria gone....I get it, you've hated yourself for years and now you're happy in the dream body you always asked for. But, I would be scared to lose you, to whoever else you decide to open up to in your selections. Cause you're that type to leave to please you and not make it work. I don't want somebody who changes their mind all the time about who they wanna be, who else do they wanna smash, and who else they can flirt with. That's cheater mentality.

And I'm sorry trans community that I'm basing my recent experience with someone as the example for the rest of you. Because I know there are some ftm's who've already changed and stayed with their partners. I just don't know if I could trust this process, knowing the effects, the research on whether or not they become completely detached to women or become bisexual... I can't.

And I'm thankful for the ftm's that have been posting youtube videos and tiktoks for viewers like me who are curious about the possible cons, and physical or emotional changes they've overcome. I was shocked the first time I ever watched a bandaged ftm, who finally unrevealed their scars from top surgery. I've always been preparing myself for this. Because I knew one day, that this cute, fluffy, soft skinned, white latino looking, but really just mixed mocha, nonbinary person was gonna be...changed over a year or so. I thought I could prepare for it, so that when it does happen it doesn't hurt as much to watch to them in pain if the bleeding from the scars are irritating them or if one day they're super cranky and obnoxious for what seems to be no reason. Or if one day they end up feeling they dont need anybody like Zanthos, with the 4 avenger rings lol.

But I'm too damn fucking sensitive. I was born this way. I've always prepared myself with the worst and the best information, that way when it does happen, the tidal wave of emotions from the reaction, doesn't end up torching my soul or blowing me out the water. Cause I am gay. I adore women, men, and when I met this person I loved them as an in-betweener as nonbinary. They are so brutally harsh, twisted, manipulative, jealous, and possesive. But I've always liked that they had these emotions inside of them that they hold back because they don't wanna seem so soft, always hiding this feminine quality about them because ideally, they're pretty looking, gorgeous eyes that can turn black cold like obsidian, and those fucking cheeks and cat nose. I've only seen the slight hips, but I didn't mind it. And they've always hid their body away even when we would try to have sex. I knew the dysphoria was there, cause again I prepared myself to be patient and kind.

So, I'm glad they're turning a new leaf to make themselves feel more confident about being recognized in society as a full, grown ass man. I'm pretty sure HE, is gonna get cocky af, cause that's just the way he was when they were they.

I know it's selfish of me to say, but I'm afraid of what will happen down the line years later. But that's just me being afraid. If He ends up not liking me anymore, I know it won't be the end of the world and I walked away at the right time when I did. Because this person is currently separated from me, and I'm still insecure about that part too. Not knowing how they are during this transition for what may become years or not...I hope HE is doing okay and not piercing everyone with their new, world domination, ego.

I just don't wanna imagine them get fucked by a guy....sorry that's just me. And will their buttery ass kisses, still be as sweet anymore?

Will I be ok with HE having chest hair?

Will I love the sound of their new voice or will I just hate it, while still missing the old, brodie, sexy, slightly feminine voice?

Especially when they used to go all soft and cuddly on me over the phone, it was soooo cuteeee. I miss our phone and text conversations.

Will they grow into another relationship with somebody else because they started to become unattached and unattracted to my body, my tits, my hips, my vagina even....just because they completely changed their identity?

And I still a woman? I've only thought about wearing a binder a couple of times, and yes, I do watch ftm and trans porn because I did like the fantasy of being intimate with someone who had a bigger clit size or just having a big clit of my own that felt like a dick.

I'm willing to admit that. Because let's be honest, boys get away with so much more shit as a male, compared to us females.

I wish I could grow a dick overnight and nobody not know I'm still a chick! Lol, but I still don't like the all over hair body growth and I still want my vagina back. Like a rental suit with an actual dick and no tits. Those are the onllyyyyyyyyy things I've thought about, but would never admit out loud. Only because I still like my body and my gender identity as is. I feel like the blue girl from X-Men could get away with it, cause she can be anybody she wants to and go back to being herself at the end of the day. And still camouflage behind walls. Lucky chick. Especially if she could teleport, oh he'll yeah.

It's gonna take me awhile to get over this, so please be patient with me. As I'm trying not to cry as I watch my ftm porn get fucked by a guy. Cause I used to be heavy into it, now I feel wrong for watching it and then I'm reminded "40% chance, you're watching it" 😞🤮😫