#sorry if this is not very accurate >< its been a while since I've talked with you all ><

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

I’ve been simping over your ‘human’ Nomicon design since it came out in Ninja-November. If you have any headcanons about them, would you please share?

ah, a fellow monster/eldritch horror enjoyer I see! thank you! <3 tbh that Nomicon design was like an one day revelation, because while I love all the human!Nomi designs I've seen over the years (and there are some banger ones, man), it hit me that we as a fandom really underutilize all the uncanny aspects Nomi possesses. So ye. I do have a couple hc.

Nomicon is an entity that doesn't have its own face and voice.

Whenever Nomicon talks to Randy it uses proxies in form of art/images/drawings/scribbles/writings. It gives strangely non-verbal vibes for something so cryptically eloquent! And whenever it does use a voice, its voice of the First Ninja (or more accurately his VA xD) , its first owner/wielder. When it uses a face, its usually the static/unmoving marble-like faces of Art or silly pen scribbles - both of which hold that uncanny valley look of something that looks human but really isn't. Not to mention the fact that it once literally stole Randy's face/body to teach him a lesson.

I like to think that Nomicon has a library of faces/visages/voices it can take on, but all of them are creepily unsettling because - what would a book know about how to be human? It's face moves wrong, the eyes are too wide open, its body is creepily still, the voice uses inflections like its copying someone else (and sometimes voice warbles and changes/overlaps with other voices because it has so many).

All of it gives these fae/cryptid vibes of creatures that steal voices/faces to trick people, but in this case Nomicon collects those faces/voices from its owners along with their memories (which is another messed up thing we collectively forget is very creepy lol).

Nomicon is an entity that doesn't have a body, and most importantly - hands.

The reason I gave Nomicon so many shadow hands is because, well, Nomicon is a book. Hands hold those books, so the hands are very important to Nomi. All those shadow hands? Are memories of all the hands that held it (mostly previous Ninjas, but also the Creep and some others). It remembers everyone who held it.

The fit- the hat and the cape are kind of obvious, it look like center of the cover and the cape looks like covers on either side with pages underneath. The weirdest addition I made - is the spaghetti noodle-doodle 'hair'.

It constantly fascinates me that Nomicon, besides the Greek Key/9 motif, has those sort of concentration circles that are also present during Mask/Suit transformation. It gave me thought of sort of weird halos i guess?? Which adds to creepy vibe, but in this case its biblically accurate angel / holy deity type of vibes.

Nomicon has very basic understanding of humanity.

For all the experiences/memories/personalities it was created from and it absorbed over the years, human things are a rather alien concept for the book. It's the reason Nomicon is so bad at its timing whenever it buzzes Randy. It just doesnt care that you are at school Randy, its trying to teach you how to be a better ninja!!! In some sense, it absorbed the most prevalent quality of First Ninja - the dedication to duty, the whole reason for its existence - to serve Ninjas to be the best they can. So, such human/mortal things as good grades/video games/a good nights sleep are very nebulous concepts to it.

Less of a hc but more of an observation/gripe but-

COME ON ITS NAME??? Ninjanomicon as in Ninjanecronomicon??? Because lets be honest its not just a book/guide for Ninjas its a book full of DEAD NINJAS??? LIKE??? In some sense all previous Ninjas, when they go through Ultimate Lesson, 'die' in the real world (because they are no longer Ninjas) and are preserved in Nomicon. And First is like deadass dead? (Plop plop too lol). So I feel like there should be more creepiness about that.

Anyway thats basically most of it, and sorry for silly doodles but i cant really draw creepy stuff xD

[thelunarfairy]

Hi, I hope you have a nice holiday and a merry christmas (sorry for disturbing christmas but I was reading and couldn't shut up jskjakak)

I was rereading jshk and, although I know sometimes the translation is not usually as accurate or the best (even when it is by the publisher with its license) BUT I looked up the kanjis and yep, it's correct both in the fans version and with the [official] of the publisher.

(Although, be careful, in the editorial they translated it as 'obsessed with his brother', while in the translation by the fans it is 'brother complex', the latter being the closest and most accurate translation, since from Japanese [ブラコン] in Spanish/English is brocon, precisely the kanji that Mei draws on Amane's cheek)

I'm also thankful that I had read something about brocon before or I wouldn't have noticed this.

The curious and funny and half-fucked thing in the sense that Aidairo blurted this out so casually through Mei that you don't know if she's making fun of him for it and warning Yashiro Jaksjk or it's just a joke, right, when you investigate brocon/brother complex the definition encompasses [taken from wikipedia, btw] a state of strong attachment and obsession with siblings and its general description is a sister/brother who has "feelings of love towards their brother" and "exclusive desire to possess"; adding that it usually has more influence on the way they develop their lives, for example, choosing spouses who are similar to their siblings.

(It has greater content but, basically, it is like a relative of the Oedipus complex) (I added the couples example because a while ago I read a publication about the similarities between Yashiro and Tsukasa and I found it curious)

I haven't read anyone else mention anything about this, maybe because I haven't found them or maybe it's not a big deal and just a joke from Aidairo to us (or maybe they thought we wouldn't notice idk) and I'm thinking about it too much.

Also because i don't think Mei knows much about the twins unless Tsukasa told her about it, and she just wanted to laugh at him for whatever she noticed about them (which, likewise, is strange because no one else has externalized that kind of thinking about the yugi brothers).

Anyway, I would like to know your opinion about the panels. (and I want to ask if you would extend your publication to an analysis of the Yugi Twins, taboo dilemma)

nice night! <3

I wish you the same! Merry Christmas!! Hahaha, don't worry

So, everything you said makes a strong connection with the story of the Yugi twins, and I've even been wondering for some time now about his obsession, possessiveness and insecurity born because of Tsukasa's disappearance when they were children.

He has a strong fear of losing, he tends to want to cry when he feels threatened, when he is very jealous, in short.

Do you know why there aren't many mentions of this? Because of the taboo. The fandom is just now starting to accept that there is something WEIRD about their relationship.

I've been cautious about talking about this precisely because I fear whether or not people are ready to talk about it. The fandom cannot support the idea of twins having a romantic relationship between them, and it is justifiable, not even nature accepts this, many bloodlines from ancient Egypt ended due to genetic diseases that perpetuated for years because of marriages between brothers.

So I'm taking it slow, talking about it little by little so that the fandom can understand that MAYBE, the twins are in love with each other, and like you said, we don't know if it's something canon or just a joke by Aidairo.

Anyway, talking about the panels, this is also written in English.

But yes, the story is developing in a way that leads us to a forbidden love between them. A love that Amane tries to suffocate…..

I've been receiving a lot of requests to talk or extend specific posts about the twins, so I decided that I'm going to make a more complete post about them both, I'm going to try to go a little deeper and make some things more explicit. So stay tuned for updates, it may take a while for this post to come out, but I will develop it soon.

I will talk about brotherly love, romantic love, psychotic and pathological love, Oedipus complex (as you mentioned), incest, obsessive love, cannibalism, symbolism between supernatural and human love, the relationship between devouring and being devoured, passivity , dilemmas, the double love he feels for Nene and Tsukasa, among others. I will cover most of the topics that exist between twins.

In the meantime, you can take a look at these posts I made about them, if you haven't seen them before.

[esprei]

have recently learned there's a bit more hate around trainwreckshipping than i was aware of so i guess i just wanted to talk about it a bit and give my two cents on the ship, how i see it and i guess my perspective on things. i've kind of always wanted to talk about it, but i just haven't been brave enough until now haha (sorry, i am not super eloquent when it comes to writing things like this so my apologies) ((also throwing it under a cut because it may get long and might also include some slightly sad-ish things so i don't want to just throw that in everyone's face you know))

----

i think i'll just preface things by saying i've always totally understood why trainwreckshipping has gotten so much flack since its inception. or hate, because maybe flack just isn't strong enough of a word. but i do understand. there were mischaracterizations of emmet by portraying him as violent to volo because it was assumed that volo was directly responsible for ingo's disappearance. i was guilty of it. suuuuuper guilty. and i can understand why that put the ship in such a position for many people. toxic, unhealthy, etc. but... i think what i'm a bit confused on i guess is the fact that it's still viewed so much this way to this day. viewed as one of the worst ships because of how toxic it is. how unhealthy it is. all because it started that way in fanon only. but you know, from a canon standpoint, it has nothing. nothing at all. so really, this ship could be anything because it's based in fanon only. no canon interactions of emmet and volo exist yet. there is no official basis on how these characters would interact with each other. and yes, while there were misunderstandings of both characters early on, that certainly doesn't mean it's still that way today. that doesn't mean that people haven't studied and looked at these two characters a little closer to understand them better and to try and make them more realistic to their canon portrayals. to make more accurate depictions of these characters and how that fits in to a healthier perspective with them. i dunno. it just kinda baffles me that with the variety of trainwreckshipping content out there now, some still call it toxic and unhealthy as if we're perpetually stuck in that time period of when it was. like it's not allowed to be anything but that ever just because it started that way. and what makes me the saddest about it all is now seeing so many friends and people in the community of the ship start to get disheartened and discouraged from enjoying something they really actually enjoy because there's still such a bad stigma to the ship. personally for a long time i've just ignored that stigma because i try not to let that stuff drag me down. but i will admit that yes, it has made me more reluctant to post any art i do of it. i've definitely had my periods where i've questioned uploading my emmet/volo art, usually as wholesome as it is, because it does have such a dark cloud around it fandom wise. it's why i made my side blog, in fact. because i just didn't feel very comfortable uploading mostly emmet/volo art here to my main because so many people dislike it or outright hate it.

and in regards to the ship itself, i think i've always thought of it in a slightly different way than most. not so much enemies to lovers but rather through the lens of how volo might could change, be redeemed, see the how his actions in the past inadvertently affected others (and by that I mean his involvement in opening the rift... like yes, that could be what caused ingo to be sent to hisui, but we don't know that for sure... and even if that was the case, volo didn't do it specifically to target ingo. volo was only ever interested in trying to get to arceus and build a better world in his vision).

or how volo could look at emmet after getting to know him and potentially see the beauty and value of the current world through him. you know, seeing someone like emmet and admiring that he can still find a reason to smile and be kind despite all of the pain and suffering he must have gone through since ingo's disappearance. volo starting to see a different perspective than he did before (aka wanting to build a new world because the current one was too full of pain and suffering) because of emmet. i dunno. that's just me personally. because since actually looking more at volo's character and his dialogue in game i've been real interested in redemption paths for him. exploring those possibilities. i just enjoy exploring said possibilities mostly through the dynamic i have in my head for him and emmet because it's fun. it interests me. i see cool potential in it. i enjoy it a lot. and while i don't think i ever portray volo super accurately, or even emmet for that matter, i still think i've come a long way since first finishing pla and ever looking at emmet/volo interactions. but regardless of all of that, that's the beauty of a ship of this nature. a ship that has absolutely no basis in canon. because it really can be anything you want it to be. it can be enemies to lovers, it can be more wholesome, it can be whatever. it's not locked into a specific dynamic because the characters have never officially met each other, let alone had a conversation. and even if that were the case... AUs are still a thing. :D

anyway that's pretty much all i had. just wanted to talk about it a bit because i've seen a recent uptick in people mentioning all of the hate and dislike for the ship etc and i dunno. i enjoy the ship a lot. it's just sad to see that there's still so much hate around it even though a lot of the content now is not like how it originally started. not from what i've seen, at least.

and while i don't expect anyone who hates it to ever warm up to it, i just wish it could be understood that the more toxic, unhealthy dynamic is not the basis of anymore. there are healthier portrayals of it now.

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Get To Know My OC Tag!

This'll probably be the first of many since this was sooo much fun to do lol.

I was going to do this with Steph… but I felt more drawn towards El today for some reason. Probably because I've been editing a lot more of her scenes/chapters lately. So Elise, I choose you!

Thank you for tagging me, @gummybugg!

Let's begin!

__________

The door opens, and 18-year-old Elise Kennedy enters the room. She walks with graceful strides that indicates the quiet confidence she holds within her. She is a pretty girl - long wavy blonde hair styled in a messy bun, crystal clear blue eyes sparkling with joy and curiosity (despite being baggy from that high school stress and sleep deprivation), and a bright beaming smile that honestly does a better job of lighting up the room than my terrible cheap lamp does. She appears to be about 5'6, if I'm not wrong.

She extends a hand in greeting, radiating an immediate sense of warmth and sincerity. Her voice, I notice straight away is soft warm and gentle. It carries an undertone enough to put you at ease in an instant. Then she takes her seat.

I know I've only just met her, but she seems nice.

1) Are you named after anyone?

Elise: Uh, no. Not after a person, I don't think. Although, I do know how I got my name. My late grandmother was really into classical music, and she came up with the suggestion of "Elise" for me when I was born because one of her favourite pieces of music was "Für Elise" by Beethoven. When I was little, she actually taught me how to play it on the piano, too! That was a fun time… yeah. But to answer your question, no. Not that I know of.

2) When was the last time you cried?

Elise: I don't know… hmm, let me think. This is actually a deep question when you think about it.

Me: It is??

Elise: Wait! Do you mean, like proper crying? Bawling like a baby? Or do you mean like welling up, but not actually making a sound?

Me: Uh…

Elise: If you mean the first one, then probably last week. I was watching a really sad movie with my brother, and I just couldn't help it. If you mean the second one, then… I don't know. To be honest, it happens on a regular basis. So probably yesterday or something. I try not to be overly emotional all the time, but I'm a sensitive soul, what can I say? (pause) OH! I remember now!

Me: You do?

Elise: It was two weeks ago! Ok, let me explain - I have this friend who really loves music. His name is Bret, and something he likes to do as a hobby is write and produce his own songs, right? And two weeks ago, he sent me an email with a link to his SoundCloud. He posts all his songs there now, its amazing! Anyway, he asked me for feedback on the first song he uploaded on there. So I listened to it, and it made me cry. It was very deep and moving. I loved it… (laughs awkwardly) I feel like my answers are way too long, ha-ha! Sorry about that.

Me: Don't be sorry. This is good!

Elise: I'll send you a link to Bret's SoundCloud! You need to listen to it yourself, so you know what I'm talking about.

Me: Would your friend mind?

Elise: Uh… (pauses for a while to wonder whether or not Bret would actually mind) Probably not?

3) Do you have kids?

Elise: Uh, no. Nor do I want any - at least not right now. I'm still a school kid! (pause) I know I'm 18, so legally I count as an adult, but I still feel like a kid, honestly. And I think that just as a general rule, if you feel like a kid or act like a kid, you probably shouldn't raise a kid.

4) Do you use sarcasm?

Elise: (thinks for a moment, then nods) Yeah. Not as often as some people do, but sometimes it's just necessary, especially when you're dealing with difficult or incompetent people.

5) What's the first thing you notice about people?

Elise: I feel like I'm naturally quite good at reading people, you know? Like, even with people I don't know all that well, I can just look at them and have a good idea of how they're feeling, what their thinking, what they're like. And it's usually pretty accurate, as well. I'm quite intuitive in that sense. I think this is also the reason I connect well with others even if they're very different from me. Like, I'm an introvert, and I'm generally rather quiet and mind my own business most of the time, but quite a lot of my friends are super energetic extroverted people. I think its fun to be curious, you know? Like, taking the time to understand and empathise with a person. You form closer bonds with people that way.

6) What's your eye colour?

Elise: Blue! You see? (opens eyes wide so that I can see their colour)

7) Any special talents?

Elise: Hmm. I don't know if any of my talents count as "special" or anything. I have talents… like, back when I used to perform in my old choir, I was known for being able to hold notes for really, really long. My record back then was like 47 seconds. But it's been years since then, and I probably can't do it anymore. Anything else? (pauses to think for a second) Don't know whether this counts, but I'm really good at memorising things. My brother says I have a memory sharper than a katana… which I think says everything you need to know about him. (laughs) But like, to give an example, I can read a book and basically be able to quote it word for word afterwards. Or watch a show, and be able to recite every line in a given scene. It's quite helpful as a student, actually. Makes the studying process a bit smoother. Not that I don't work hard for my grades, because I do. I don't consider myself to be a mega-super-genius or anything.

8) Scary movies or happy endings?

Elise: Are you kidding me?! Happy ending all the way! I can't sit through a horror movie for the life of me. I hate scary stuff, I just don't like the feeling of terror. I don't get why some people actually like it. I mean some people have to like it, right? There has to be a reason that the horror genre has a market.

9) Where were you born?

Elise: Born and raised in London, baby!

10) What are your hobbies?

Elise: Reading, first of all. I love to read so much. I always have.

Me: What is the book you're reading currently?

Elise: Right now, I'm re-reading "Normal People" by Sally Rooney. It's so good, I highly recommend it. But aside from reading, I like music a lot. Not as much as Bret, but I love to play a bit of piano whenever I have the time, and I also love to sing still. Even though I'm not in my old choir anymore.

Me: Why did you stop if you clearly loved doing it?

Elise: (sighs) It was a toxic environment for me… I needed a break from some of those people. I don't really want to get into it.

Me: Ooookay… (slightly concerned)

11) Do you have any pets?

Elise: No, and I've always wanted one! (pouts) It didn't even matter what it was! My parents aren't about that, though. Ugh! (pause) Maybe in the future, I'll get a puppy. I love dogs so much!

12) What sports do you play/have played?

Elise: None. (laughs) I've never been a sporty person.

13) How tall are you?

Elise: Five foot five. And a bit, depending on what shoes I'm wearing.

14) Favourite subject in school?

Elise: These questions are getting harder… (laughs) I don't know what my favourite subject is. I like all my subjects… I chose four subjects I really enjoy for A level. English Lit, Politics, History and Textiles. I like all of them for different reasons. Even when I struggle with one of them, and it is my least favourite one day, I can't bring myself to hate it… and it ends up being my favourite subject the next day.

Me: Well, tell me why you like all of your subjects.

Elise: Ok! So English Lit is because I love literature, as you may have inferred before from what I said about reading… Politics is because I just find that aspect of the world interesting, you know? I mean, I never used to, but once I started taking this class, I just found it fascinating. Just seeing how that stuff works. History was my strongest subject back when I did my GCSEs, so I was like "I have to do it again next year!" And Textiles… I don't know, I just find it peaceful. It's a chill subject to balance out the crazy intense ones. (laughs again)

15) Dream job?

Elise: In my dreams, I have all kinds of different jobs. Just last night I had a dream that I was this therapist, right, and all of my friends from work were coming into my office to ask for help with their love lives, despite the fact that I literally have no dating experience and am therefore the least qualified person to ask for help in that department. Man… why would you even go to your therapist just to ask about your love life anyway? Is that the only thing in your life that's bothering you?! The ONLY thing?!

Me: …That's not what I meant.

Elise: Yeah, I know. I just wanted to talk about my weird dream for a second. I don't know what my dream job is. As a child, my dream job was to be an author, like Cressida Cowell. I used to love her books growing up. I wanted to write just like her… create this huge epic fantasy series… have that series get turned into movies… but I couldn't come up with any original ideas. So I gave up.

Me: Awww…

Elise: Oh, it's okay. I still write a bit sometimes for fun. But in terms of an actual career, I'm stuck between two things - a lawyer, and a journalist.

Me: Two completely different things.

Elise: Yep. Lawyer because it's something I've been working towards all my life, pretty much. I mainly did it because my parents always said that it's a promising career to have. But journalism is just so fascinating to me. It's like being a writer, except you don't need to come up with original ideas. Plus, you get to explore the world, discover exciting new people and places and cultures and events… and tell stories that don't often get heard. It's like the career was made for me!

Me: It does, doesn't it? Well, I'm sure you'll make the right choice for yourself. Thanks for coming, Elise. This has been fun.

Elise: Of course! Thank you for having me.

END OF INTERVIEW.

__________

This was so much fun! I want to make this an open tag, but I'll just tag these three people to give it a go as well:

@rubywrite

@soph1333

@winterandwords

[sig-nifier]

twenty questions for writers

thanks sm @swifty-fox for the tag!! i love things like this.

tagging @magneticghouls and @onyxsboxes and literally anyone who fancies it

how many works do you have on ao3?

33!

what's your total ao3 word count?

155,902

what fandoms do you write for?

whatever tf the current fixation is. i've written for rooster teeth, our flag means death, buzzfeed unsolved, masters of the air, the eternals, and challengers! currently got a slow horses fic in the works :))

top five fics by kudos

i like the way your words taste - a fluffy druig/makkari oneshot with 860

wild things - a western gale cleven/john egan au with 849

the art of consumption - a smutty art/patrick fic with 780

make you feel alive - another gale cleven/john egan oneshot with 633

hitchhikers - a serial killer ryan begara/shane madej au with 485 (the first multichapter fic i wrote that got me an audience it was wild)

do you respond to comments?

ofc! i try and respond to every single one with at least a thank you

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

a fic called stay with me, which ended in MCD.

what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i end most of my fics happily!

i think the happiest is probably wild things. everything works out for the better in that one

do you get hate on fics?

i dont! very grateful that everyones always so nice, makes me feel like the are you winning son meme

do you write smut?

i used to never write smut but something this year just had me writing so much of it and whilst it feels mostly awkward to write, people seem to like it!

craziest crossover?

i've never written any kind of crossover, and i don't like to read them either. i guess MOTA in the western genre is the closest i'll come.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of!

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

also nope!

all time favorite ship?

ive been in fandoms since i was like 12, there's no way i can pick an all time favourite. it literally just depends on what im into at the time.

i really like inej/kaz from six of crows. i think scully/mulder is great. hannibal/will. ellie/dina. willem/jude.

off the top of my head i would say i'm most fond of the tenth doctor/rose. that one gets me.

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i'm really starting to doubt my ability to finish seven miles out of freedom town. im gonna try my best but the hyperfixation has moved on and it feels more like a chore than something im enjoying rn. im really sorry to anyone that disappoints, it disappoints me too, cos wild things was genuinely some of the most fun i've ever had writing fic and interacting with a community. i'll try and get it finished, it might just take me a while.

what are your writing strengths?

i think im pretty good at dialogue, making it sound like something a real person would say.

i think im fairly decent at dramatic writing, at making things sound flowery and poetic and theatric. thats my favourite way to write.

dont think im too bad at characterisation most of the time.

what are your writing weaknesses?

i suck at worldbuilding. i think its boring and i dont care for it, i just want to write about the characters. planning bores me. i just write things and go back and fix inconsistencies later.

wild things is the most effort i've ever put into a world. i was googling locations like a mofo to make things accurate.

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i think its great! one of my favourite fics has a character that speaks french and he uses it to tease other characters who don't know what he's saying. its done so beautifully.

first fandom you wrote in?

if we're talking actual first fandom it was probably one direction or creepy pasta when i was like 13.

the first fandom i ever wrote for seriously was buzzfeed unsolved in 2018.

favorite fic you've written?

im very proud of washed clean, an angsty oneshot about gale/john. i really like the writing in that one.

i dont think i can pick a favourite, i have like three. hitchhikers and the axeman of new orleans were my starting points and really showed me the joy of writing fic that other people were going to read. i had a lot of fun writing those and i love me some dark themes.

wild things consumed my every thought for like, the 11 days i was writing it. ive never been so obsessed with one of my own fics before, it still blows me away how well it was recieved and i met some great people through it so im eternally grateful for that.

yeehaw, y'all.

[kinblogging]

I've never talked to anyone whos otherkin or any kintype so sorry if my wording isn't very good or accurate or if this comes off as rude or something (that isn't my intention)

I wanted to ask what it was like before the release of the lightfury

I'm curious about how it must've felt before the hidden world and when you first saw a lightfury

Your question isn't rude at all, no worries! I've talked about this a while back but growing up I repressed basically every part of me that I deemed "cringe" including the fact that Im very much an alterhuman/kin/therian whatever word is more accurate. So it took a while for me to even click that Ah. I am this.

When I did, it was thankfully after the Light Fury had been released but beforehand, even as a wee child around the same year the first HTTYD came out (I was 8? I believe) I knew I was a Night Fury... but not quite. When playing with friends or imagining myself as a dragon I would always be a Night Fury but different. I'd be a golden Night Fury, a paler Night Fury I'd be smaller or bigger I could never agree with myself what I was supposed to look like, especially since I identified with a lot of different dragons later on (only two ever stuck, aha.)

When I first saw the Light Fury though, I was very much in the "if everyone online agrees its bad then it must be" mentality, as this was the 2019-2020 era where everything minor was cancellable and everyone was chronically online. I hated the Light Fury, genuinely. I even refused to watch the new movie.

Then I caught a clip on Youtube, I think it might have been the scene where Toothless finds her for the first time. Something just kind of clicked in my brain at that moment, and I was like, this is it!!! Her movements, her vocalization, everything about this creature was just right. Something with a Night Fury shape but not quite! It felt a little bit like oh! Of course. Especially after I watched the movie entirely (well, lets be honest, mostly the Light Fury scenes) it felt. Idk how to explain it exactly! Like smth was just unlocked to me.

Now, I really do not think this would have happened if the Light Fury had never been made public or if we had gotten some of the other... designs. But I also don't believe things like that just happen for no reason, so I guess maybe the stars aligned on this one... now if only they could align to make me a dragon instead of a human :/

[satsuha]

D V and Z for the ask game? :D

under the cut bc idk if this counts as ship hate and it got really long

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

hika ag... (not putting the eng ship name for search reasons) i already knew the devs were gonna push them the moment i saw the crossed paths illust released but ultimately it felt disappointing to me in the game orz i already don't like the feeling when a certain ship is being pushed if they aren't going to go the whole mile and make it canon but in a game like octopath where the protags have such minimal interaction i don't like that it feels like these two got special attention (they have the most banters together tied with thro/oche) and yet their interactions aren't.... interesting....! some of hikari's story banters with her literally feel like he could be talking to a random npc instead and the things hikari says in agnea's story ring very hollow to me 😞 given like the fact that they both lost their mothers, illusts show hikari dancing with her or playing the flute (even the lyre in a concept art draft), it's disappointing to me that their ingame banters don't touch on this at all... complained about their crossed paths story another time but honestly for all this complaining i don't hate them i just feel very disappointed and sort of like they wasted their interactions together ngrhg

V - Which character do you relate to most?

KINDA dungeon meshi spoilers... completely off topic from what i usually talk about but i like marcille's character arc and her goals arising from her fear of being left behind. i'm gonna keep things vague since dunmeshi just got an anime and is getting bigger and also since i don't want to go too deep into why i relate to her but stories about learning to value the time you have with friends while knowing it will end one day (frieren is another obvious one) are very close to me

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!

sorry when you say ramble i think it will always be complaining-adjacent with me but after playing agnea ch3 with english voices i got so surprised at the difference between eng and jp giselle that i got compelled to make a comparison of it and it JUST... makes me so sad that certain chars will be more likely to be overlooked or overshadowed, even liked/disliked depending on localization efforts o<-< i know it's unrealistic to ask people to play in multiple languages bc that isn't feasible for everybody but honestly it's jarring sometimes how different certain characters or scenes can come off as... i struggle with interacting in fandom spaces bc i don't always agree with english localizing efforts (and i get it, it really is a difficult job and by no means do i think they did a BAD job at it most of the time) but because so many people who will interact with my posts have only been exposed to that version, i'll feel very... alienated?? by some interpretations that i see. but i mean ultimately interpretation is more subjective and i think localization only nudges you to one side or another, so i still just do the same as i would do otherwise and find people whose content i enjoy... that was a lot of rambling but did you know that in hikari's ch2 banter with castti the english changed his lines quite a bit ?? i've already talked about how i think eng hikari is more expressive in his voice acting but i think it's something that was present in the text first and i... AM VERY MIXED about it bc i do think it works Really nicely in certain scenes, but i still like how restrained jp hikari sounds because i think it suits him more... anyway this is just a small snippet of the kind of thing i think about when looking at localization like in the end it's just Different versions, i guess i do look at the original jp version as more accurate to the creators' intentions but i think having an "official" interpretation in english can be nice and valuable in its own right.. if i didn't think so i just wouldn't play these games in english at all lmao (by comparison i don't play korean games in english bc at least the ones i've gotten into don't have great localizations so i don't think it adds much merit)

crying the last one is so long but you asked me to ramble 😭 LMAO... but ty for leaving an ask!

alphabet asks

[woozapooza]

Christopher's death was inevitable the second Tony learned about his drug use, Adrianna was the final nail in the coffin (i would argue her death was that final nail not just for Chris but for every character in the series esp Tony and Carm, that was the point none of them could come back from), ever since that it was just a waiting game really for what excuse Tony would use for it, there are several points throughout season 6 that ring the death knell on this relationship/character, the first one that comes to mind is Chrissy's daughter's christening, their faces while Chickentown was playing, they knew then it wouldn't end well, and obviously there's the entirety of Walk Like a Man which you could argue is actually the episode where Tony both grieved Chris and made the unconscious decision to kill him..this is all not mentioning the fact that Tony's paranoia, resentment and bitterness has only escalated by every episode in 6b, he's only recently seriously contemplated killing Paulie,obv it's all up to interpretation but I thought it was the perfect ending for the culmination of this relationship and Christopher's character, the calm intentional ruthlessness of it all, the pathetic nature of it (Chase is the king of anticlimax), Comfortably Numb playing in the background (perfect for Chris), the final unveiling of Tony's rotten soul (or lack thereof more accurately)

Sorry for rambling lol, I just think both this scene and whole episode while certainly difficult are some of most masterful Chase has ever done and wanted to offer a different perspective, the trip to Vegas with the dream sequences, that final scene, its just all so good

All excellent points! I had been thinking about some of this already, but some of it hadn't occurred to me at all. For example it hadn't occurred to me to see the episode where Tony considers killing Paulie (which, while shocking and upsetting, still felt completely organic to me) as foreshadowing him killing Christopher. You're totally right that there is quite a bit of groundwork laid for it. I'm still not 100% sold on that groundwork leading to this result, but like I said in my other post, I suspect that has more to do with me missing and/or forgetting stuff than with the actual show. It also probably has a lot to do with the incorrect expectations I had about how it would all play out. I was looking for hints at what I thought would happen. When I rewatch I'll be looking for hints at what actually happens, so it'll almost certainly make more sense the second time through.

Also, I think in the immediate aftermath of the episode, it was hard for me to disentangle two different kinds of disbelief: the "huh, I don't quite see how Tony to this point" kind and the "oh my god, I know he's dead but I'm in shock and it doesn't feel real" kind. Basically, one kind that's about the lead-up and one that's about the aftermath. The latter kind of disbelief is what makes the episode so brilliant. With previous character deaths, I felt like they were actually dead. With Christopher, it still hasn't sunk in. It's one of the only TV episodes I've ever seen that successfully conveyed the actual feeling in the wake of a sudden death. (The only other episode I can think of that pulled that off is in s4 of Succession. I don't want to spoil it, but if you've seen the show you know what I'm talking about.) Ironically, it's the very surreality of it that makes it feel so real.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

[purgemarchlockdown]

hello i've been reading your blog for a good while and i love it!!

i've been relistening Magic right now and. does the moment when Rioyne appears sounds similar... to a Cat?? it'll more accurate to say that Cat sounds like this one piece of Magic.

and it just. blows my mind.

because firstly - the connect to fakeness.

the falling stage light is out of place , it is fake, and the whole of Cat is being a total BS about marriage. also they got more of... jazz sound? which was considered the "devil's music". the themes of temptation and desire and sin...

secondly - the lyrics at that moment are

"But it's not scary at all, because it's love

I can really think it's great"

oh yes lying to yourself about your actual opinion about the love you've been given in your life and wanting to lie further and further.

and thirdly - it is Riyone who appears. her punishment is the taser. and lyrics are talking about "love" out of all things and acceptance of it. and do we remember the t2 interrogation?

"Did you love the person you killed?"

"I loved them"

and the blank list for Kazui.

if we see similarities of Rioyne and Amane's mother... why don't we take further?

Riyone and Hinako share the same color in retrospective MVs: pink. It represents different meanings however the main one is the same to Amane and Kazui - love. they (not Riypne but Amane's mother) are both are the ones who "loved" those two but ended up "killed" because of that.

in Kazui's case - he lied about being in love with her. Hinako loved him, he her, and she was killed by "doing the right thing".

in Amane's case - she lied about being a good girl. Her mother "loved" her (putting her through trials), she her, and mother was killed by "doing the right thing".

i'm sorry if it doesn't make sense outside of my head but i'm just... woah... connections...

Glad you like the blog! The Kazui-Amane connections are a hell of a lot of fun and it's super cool to find more stuff about it!

First of all: Did not know about the devil's music thing! That's fantastic to learn about, will keep that in mind.

Though I think it's less that part of Magic specifically and Cat that are similar, and more Cat and Magic are similar.

Both Cat and Magic are Shows, where Cat is trying to keep up the Image ideal heterosexual relationship as best as it can even though it's becoming clearer and clearer that he Can't, and Magic is trying to keep up the ideal reality of the happy cheery cult where Amane...still cant be a good girl but is treated with mercy and compassion and the idea of good girl is treated as achievable goal and not a Arbitrary Concept that She Can Never Reach.

Their both very much pretending this is what they want and maybe to some extent they do wish they both could be "normal" and accept this but they can't, they just can't.

(Half and Purge March are also performances in a sense actually, though Purge March kinda bleeds so hard into reality that it becomes hard to distinguish between what is real and what is fiction- its a whole thing.)

I'm never fucking normal about the stagelight because it's such a clever little detail, everyone (including me) thought it was Real since it looked So Real but now with Purge March its becoming more and more likely that the stagelight is Just a metaphor.

Except it was Never Really Lying to you, it wasn't a trick, it was the stagelight. The thing that lit the show, it was always part of the visual identity of Magic. It falling just forces you (and Amane) to remember that this place is a Set.

There's not really any equivalent to the stagelight in Cat, mostly cause Kazui knows he's lying but also cause Kazui realizes Gradually that no, he really can't keep this act up for long.

I dont really know about Hinako and Amane's mother, at least color wise. Mostly cause I always associate Hinako in the purple outfit she's in, though when I was cecking she is depicted with pink in a few shots

(If were assuming pink is Hinako in the first shot)

Though the love thing is a very fun parallel of their crimes though, Kazui telling the truth (doing the right thing) leading to Hinako's death/Amane punishing her mother (doing the right thing) and killing her...fun times there.

(Sorry if this seems Super Messy I am So Very Tired at the moment)

[littlelambdrgnfly]

Ok since you reblogged that one post I hope you know I reread The Sum of Them for the 3rd time, maybe like a month ago, up until the last chapter and i never finished it cause i didnt want to experience it ending again (if that makes sense), i wish it never ended. I wish they could play baby games forever but its so important it does end because the ending is soo beautiful but so devastating, and it's beautiful because its so devastating, and my heart cant take experiencing that again :'-(

i already sent a message on here saying that your fic was the first fic to make me cry, possibly the first piece of LITERATURE in general to make me cry (i could be wrong but i cant remember any piece before that), and it made me cry 2 times when reading it for the first time. It is truly my favorite piece of McLennon fanfiction, but the only reason i dont fully consider it mine is that if someone were to ask me, it'd be too taboo/freaky to say but its truly one of the most heartfelt and complex ways ive ever seen anyone portray John and Paul while also feeling completely accurate and realistic. My god. And i love so many of your other fics too but The Sum of Them really means so much to me and I cant even say that enough. i wish you could just live as me and be inside my mind to fully grasp how much of an affect it had on me, I dont think i will ever be able to explain it sadly </3. But just know out of every McLennon fic ive ever read (and ive read many), THAT one is my very favorite out of like 100+. The way you characterize them is just so completely different from any other fic ive read and its so intimate and raw and holy shit i dont even have the words. Sorry i know im rambling at this point but I just think about it a lot! Also your fics are the only fics i enjoy anymore, (recent) beatles fics have gone down the drain in my opinion and yours are the only ones i can be satisfied with because, as far as im concerned, anything you write is automatically in-character for them after reading The Sum of Them lol x) thank you so SO much for writing cause it's truly exposed so many of my own desires and hidden , sensitive parts of myself that couldn't be excavated any other way without your work 💖

Dude... this is legitimately one of the best comments I've ever gotten. I wish I could memorize all of this and replay it for myself whenever I'm feeling blue. Thank you so so much, it means the world to me! I think all writers insert their own thoughts and emotions into their work, and I definitely do that in all of mine, but especially The Sum of Them. This fic is basically my wishlist of things I would do with a partner, as well as coming to better terms with my own kinks, so I'm glad it's been able to resonate with people. I'm also glad that I managed to keep John and Paul in character, even if John is crying every other paragraph lmao! I totally get what you're saying about wishing I could experience what you did, I wish I could too. Sometimes I reread my fics with the mindset of someone reading it for the first time, but it's just not the same. I'd give my left tit for more writers on my level or higher who wrote bottom!John or even ABDL fics, I swear. I don't read a lot of fics these days, but I'm usually disappointed whenever I check the Beatles tab. I'm also really really bad at remembering titles and author names, so I never remember what fics that I like! Thank God for bookmarks. I definitely understand not wanting to tell people that this is your favorite fic though, lol! I've been writing Beatles fics for a long time, but I created a new account on AO3 when I started writing these fics. I'm comfortable talking about this stuff, but only with the help of an alternate profile. I'm really really happy to help people explore this side of themselves though-- too often fics like mine are just really gross over-the-top and completely unrealistic portrayals in my opinion, and I guess I wanted to bring something sweeter and more realistic to the table. <3

[haniehae]

what would your moots be like as idols?

Hi anonie! Thanks for sending this hehe This was hard but really fun! So I basically did this as if we were all in the same group to be a lil easier ><

@scoupsy - Dreamy

She's the protective member, super talented and cares about everyone! Everyone loves her! Very outgoing and lovely!

Position: Leader, Rap?

@xuseokgyu - Belle

The mom of the group, always taking care of everyone and everything but also a goofy ball! She's clumsy and cute and everyone loves her!

Position: Vocal

@woozi - Yza

The variety show member, she's in everything and can play/do anything! Very energetic and loved by everyone!

Position: Rap??

@ohoshi - Cora

Like dino and hoshi she's mainly a dancer but she's good at everything she tries! The Ace of the group. I feel like she would also scream her own Horanghae at everyone hehe

Position: Dancer

@soonhoonsol - Chey

Kinda quiet at interviews but chaotic around the members! She also has a lot of other idol friends! That member that is so precious that you want to protect!

Position: Vocal? Rap?

@yoonzinoswife - Mina

The chaotic member that everyone loves! Loves the game nights and can play anything!

Position: Dancer or maybe Rap?

@soonshuas - N

The quiet member that everyone wants to protect! She's always helping everyone! And is very caring with the other members!

Position: Vocal

@chilligyu - Lex

The creative/aesthetic member who knows how to do anything! Just like minghao and mingyu!

Position: Dance?

@starlightjoong - Sol

The other variety member! Knows the tea about everyone! Very chaotic but everyone loves her!

Position: Vocal, Dancer?

@gyukwans - Lee

The energetic maknae that does a lil bit of everything and its good at everything! You never know what she's gonna show every comeback!

Position: Maknae, Rap?

[deathwishdaydream]

Dear Universe, Up Yours!

Chapter 1

"Now, for the first time, he's seeing that there really is a way out of this, and it's all so simple. You don't have to run away. You just meet somebody special and step sideways into a parallel universe."

-Irvine Welsh, Skagboys

 

 

 

I never found anybody interesting in my life. I've never succumbed to the tedium of this place. I always felt out of place, but that was probably because everyone else was so dead. And I dreaded the realization that I'd stay here forever.

"And then," My mind seemingly brought itself back inside of the desolate, sterile classroom as the science teacher, Mr. Bradford spoke, "The swab would turn into a light pink color because blood contains hemoglobin, which would assist the peroxide in reacting with the hydrogen in phenolphthalein, turning into water. The decreased hydrogen form of phenolphthalein would then make it turn pink, revealing that it is indeed blood. But if it wasn't blood and just looked like it could have been, then no reaction would occur and the swab would stay its natural color."

I literally have no idea what the fuck is going on.

We completed a lesson earlier than expected, so the class decided that, with the remaining time of the period, they wanted to learn something of forensic science. Though actually, it was the teacher who decided, because nobody really reacted when he offered the knowledge. This made me miserably realize how long an hour really is. While this happened, I fiddled with a piece of lead from my mechanical pencil, rubbing it between my fingers to see the shiny gray chaos appear on my fingertips, then breaking it into smaller pieces or crushing them instead of paying attention. The graphite made a horrific, powdery mess on the light brown surface of the glossy wooden table. The teacher, with his small rectangular glasses, always had the worst monotone voice that could get the whole class to drop dead asleep. His hair was mostly gray, flooding all the young, auburn strands, but he wasn't too old. He always wore the same boring polos in different colors every week with pants that have always been the same color every single day. I'd say the students in this class are worse, though. Nobody talks or pays attention. It was fucking stupid. I wish I could just stand up from my seat and leave out the door. Science is my least favorite class out of all of mine. And I hate all of my classes, so that says a lot. It was no exaggeration. It was boring and the students were boring, the teacher was boring. Everything that has anything to do with my school is boring, really. It was all so pathetic.

I heard the cheap bell ringing, and all the students stood up from their chairs in unison, as if they were some fucking cult, and then the teacher, drowned out by all the students speaking, reminded them to do homework and other useless things that they're probably not going to do. I stacked my notebook and papers, putting them in my bag that I had thrown over my shoulder after. Walking out of the classroom with all the students brutally crowding towards the door as if that bell had been a fire alarm instead, I accidentally bumped into my lab partner, Gerard Way, and muttered a quick "sorry" as I got out of the classroom to the hallway. I didn't really know him that well or paid much attention to him at all, being someone who sat next to him since the beginning of the year. Which actually had just been a month. There would be times when he'd try to talk to me about the work but that was pretty much it. He had pale skin, black messy hair, and brown eyes, I believe. He was a regular teenage boy that I had to sit next to in science class and was very quiet and reserved.

[ "I Died Inside"  by Lesley Gore playing]

As I walked into the hallway, it was narrow and cramped, swarmed with roaring, energetic bags of hormones. It was probably a better way to describe "high school students" here; it was a more accurate description, as someone who observes things a lot. I felt myself being viciously pushed around and shoved from every angle, but I kept my head forward, walking straight ahead, as my peripheral vision caught paper airplanes flying across the hallway.

I never interacted with anyone at all. I don't think it was because I was repulsive. Nobody can judge that because nobody had spent a whole day with me in conversation. I never made friends, I didn't want to. It was hard to, anyway. It's not that I was purposefully isolating myself from everybody in the first place, or trying to be different and "mysterious." I'm convinced everyone is either dead or tries too hard to be part of the television clichés that it was useless to really speak to anybody. Maybe being impatient myself was a flaw nobody would want to deal with. So nothing really mattered. I made no effort to make friends with anyone. And it's been like that since freshman year. After all, I'm just another immature, shit seventeen-year-old.

[ "I Died Inside"  muffled]

Soon, as the crowd gradually began to simmer down, I found my locker and exchanged a few things from my backpack for next class. I can't believe that having to go through the crowd of students took most of passing period. It's always been short, anyway. I don't really know why. For being a public school, it's really trying to avoid the high school clichés. We barely had time for anything.

Once I was done, I slammed the locker closed and went off to next period.

[ "I Died Inside"  stops playing]

Nothing important occurred ever at all. It was the same routine, and the only change that happened was the units and lesson topics, changed seatings, and so forth. It wasn't only at school, either. Every day was the fucking same. Everything was fucking boring. Staying home on weekends and after school, doing absolutely nothing, waiting until the scintillating sunlight leaked from the half-closed blinds in my room to fade away to nighttime again. I'd kill to have a life that wasn't this. I felt like a zombie, really, and I think everyone else was too. Just mindlessly bumping into things in front of them because of their diminutive brain. It was like everyone in this town was a walking corpse. I fucking hated it all.

I found my way inside the math classroom and dropped my backpack on the floor beside my chair, sitting down at my desk, my palms on the cold, wooden surface of the table. I heard strewn chattering from the kids all around me and the teacher was just at her large box computer, going to the front of the class afterward.

She told us simply to get out our textbooks and I did so, flipping around random pages until she'd tell us which page we really should have been on. As I nonchalantly flipped through, I saw some indolent sketches and doodles on the sides that I drew from other times.

And even the drawings were fucking boring.

Suddenly, my head popped up briskly from looking down at the book as I heard the sound of the door opening. The door was really old, so it made a squeaky shrill every time it was opened or closed. At the door was the boy from science, my lab partner, Gerard. The class had just gone mute as they all stared at him in extreme disdain. Gerard didn't go to math this period, so that was probably why everyone was acting so strange about him. It was too incongruously strange, in fact, which was another perceptible flaw of this town. He gulped as he noticed all the eyes scornfully watching him and then quickly turned to the teacher, giving her some sort of paper and an orange envelope underneath it.

"From the front office," he said in a raspy voice, crucially tearing the nasty silence. The room was so quiet that if he spoke once more, I'd be hearing an echo. His voice sounded really dry, and I think it was because he hadn't spoken in a long time and never cleared his throat before. This made his tone sound a bit deeper than usual, as it always was a bit more high-pitched. The teacher, Ms. Lewis, held the items and muttered a thanks, the slight sound of paper being rubbed against paper filling the room. Gerard finally cleared his throat and nodded, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him. She took out a paper from the envelope, skimmed it, then put it back in, placing it and the other paper that was separate from it, on her desk.

But after he left, a few students started to talk with each other and it got to a point it was deafening until the teacher spoke loudly about, I don't know, the page number and how the boy leaving the classroom wasn't an invitation to start talking again.

Gerard was a peculiar boy. He wasn't interesting though, like how the rest of the people here weren't either. Again, I never thought of anybody as interesting in my life at all. Maybe because I didn't care enough. But he was in fact, peculiar. He stood out from the other kids, well, from my view, and he was tremendously soundless as if he had just been tranquilized. It was like he was in a shell that had a small opening and just a few cracks so that people could properly hear him whenever he merely spoke.

Math ended after an agonizingly lengthy 85 minutes. I'm surprised I'm receiving okay grades because I actually don't do much. I don't really think the teachers here care about their job too much, so they just grade whatever. That's my theory, at least. After this period, it was lunch, and everyone left in a whole scramble by the door, again.

[Verse 1 of  "DemiRep"  by Bikini Kill playing]

I'm not a fan of the school lunch. I never was. Who would be, anyway? It was always so stale and never tasted right. Once I have gone to the cafeteria and retrieved a tray with the deplorable meal on it, I sat at an empty table, observing every other one that was full of people laughing and chatting. I then opened the small carton of chocolate milk and inserted those small straws they would give us. I brought it up to my mouth and sipped it, placing it back on the tray afterward.

I was just about to take a bite out of my sandwich until I jumped, alarmed by the sudden sound of a tray full of school lunch falling flat beside mine. Someone then sat down on the bench next to me. It was Gerard. He faced me.

[ "DemiRep"  muffled]

"Hey," I greeted quietly.

He cleared his throat, and thank god for that. "Hey."

[ "DemiRep"  stops playing]

As I started to eat, he took off his black backpack and put it on the bench next to him, zipping it open and taking out a paper packet. He placed it on the table and slid it in my direction, clearing his throat again to speak. "You dropped this at the end of science," he mumbled.

I put the sandwich back on the tray and idly scanned the snobby paper. My name was on the top in my handwriting, along with some more stupid doodles I did out of boredom. The packet was some kind of introduction to some crappy project.

I wasn't a very rude person, though. At least just when someone approaches me for something simple. "Thanks," I muttered, grabbing my backpack and shoving the packet inside.

I kept eating in complete silence, despite all the surrounding students conversing and laughing with each other, and Gerard was just eating beside me. And I think this allowed me to pay more attention to his appearance. He had thick, wavy dark strands that were nearly black. And to be completely honest, it appeared a bit greasy, but it was his whole style and had fit him very well. It was kind of weird to think further into it. He had a few thin, long bangs that would sometimes go over his face, but not too much. You couldn't really tell which way his hair was parted, maybe a little to the side. It was so messy that it looked neat and natural, if that made any sense. He had soft pale skin, it was probably a pale ivory. There were fainted, small freckles painted around his rounded face, but maybe only if you look close enough. The roundness of his jaw made him look really innocent and sweet. That there was no way he could have committed any sin in his life at all. He was sort of like a baby, but one that loved listening to Carrie Brownstein and Pulp. Well, that was one of the few things I knew about him: having a passionate fondness for Britpop. He possessed hazel irises that would have a greener tint in the light and brown when it's dark. I wasn't really sure how to explain it. His eyelashes were dark and pretty long. They looked nice. He looked like somebody you wanted to be ridiculously careful with because of fragile he appeared. I guess I never really realized how soft he seemed.

"Do you like eating here alone?" he said abruptly, breaking the silence and my train of thought, which made me lightly jump. His voice was delicate too when I thought more about it.

To answer his question, I liked the silence, really. It allowed me to contemplate more instead of being interrupted by someone asking multiple questions like a fucking cop interrogating me. Being lonesome just felt right; I didn't have to deal with any bullshit.

I swallowed the bite of the sandwich I chewed in my mouth and turned my head to look at him. "Yes."

"Can I ask why?" I would be complaining about how nosy he seemed, but I guess that's a way of someone trying to start a conversation. They always ended up in me repelling whoever tried to talk to me, though. But I thought I'd answer his question anyway so it would conceivably lead to that.

"I don't like when other people are around. It gives me a... weird feeling..." I began. There was a short pause. "I hate having to give an effort to either look at a person and tell them to shut the fuck up and leave me alone at lunch. I just want to be alone in peace and eat without any interruptions. A lot of people started to figure that out here, I guess, which is why they don't approach me anymore. I hate when people would just sit there, expecting me to say something to them when I don't want to say anything," I explained concisely as Gerard raised an eyebrow in disarray. "Now..." I began. "Shut the fuck up... and leave me alone..." I paused. "Please?"

[ "I Wonder Why"  by Dion & The Belmonts playing]

I knew he didn't deserve that. I knew I had just acted like a total asshole right now. He didn't even speak enough to be shut up. There was something about always rejecting people who would try to talk to me when I was busy. I would get annoyed easily and angry. But I knew that Gerard didn't deserve that. I guess I never felt guilty about it until he had approached me. It was weird.

He smiled slightly and put his arms down, reaching for his milk carton and opening it. He drank some and put it back on the table, wiping his mouth with his jacket sleeve. "Okay."

He didn't smile in an embarrassed way like how other people would react when I'd tell them that. Instead, it was a smile of amusement. Kind of like he was entertained. Did he want this reaction? Or did he just think it was funny?

He stood up and grabbed his tray, walked to another table far from the one I sat at, and started to eat. As time passed and I ate, I would see him get a glance in my direction. Each time I would take bites out of my sandwich or drink my milk, I'd look up to see Gerard looking at me, and then he'd quickly look back at his lunch tray. I tended to ignore it. I could feel his eyes on me. Maybe he hated me now or thought something else of me. To think about it, I surprisingly did the more talking this time compared to the other times someone would try to talk to me during lunch. They would always talk more and point out how lonely I was. It was pretty weird...

Gerard is interesting... Peculiar, as well as interesting.

[tourettesbabe]

hi ! hope youre well :)

so, im 20, and i started developing tics when i was 18 (i fit all the diagnostic criteria for tourette's, except that my tics developed once i was 18 instead of before). i spoke to my psychiatrist about it but he didn't suggest anything along the lines of a diagnosis, just said it might be my medication (we tried changing that and it wasnt it), and then kind of left it at "tics are strange, let's see what happens"

ive been kind of nervous of asking him for an actual diagnosis because it seems like he doesn't know a huge amount about tics, and i don't really feel like i need an official diagnosis (unless it's necessary for accommodations but i havent even started looking into those yet).

basically, i wanted to ask if you think it's okay for me to say i have tourette's? i do genuinely think i have tourette's, i've seen studies talking about how the DSM-5 might be outdated and adult-onset tourette's is a thing, but also it's just easier to say i have tourette's to people than try and explain that i have tics but i don't know exactly what it is and i don't have a diagnosis.

also slightly unrelated, but i haven't told a lot of people because my tics are often not noticeable (especially if i suppress them), and i feel really anxious telling anyone who's known me for a while bc im worried they'll think im faking since they havent seen me tic before.. if you have any advice on that its much appreciated

sorry this was so long- completely understandable if you don't have energy or can't respond! <3

Hey Nonnie! First of all, I'm honored that you'd message me for advice. Thank you for being so sweet as well -- I am doing well, thank you. Now, I'm definitely not an expert, but I can give you my two cents!

While it is true that the official DSM-5 diagnosis for Tourette's requires the person to have been ticcing since before the age of 18, you're also right in saying there is some discourse about whether or not that is completely accurate. Adult-onset tic disorders are a thing, and they can happen for a variety of reasons. IMO, if you fit all the other criteria like you said, it's probably Tourette's. It's also the most well-known tic disorder, so many people will understand what it means (though they may also have some inaccurate ideas about swearing and the like.)

I will say that there are many kinds of tic disorders, and many reasons why tics could be happening. If you're sure you have Tourette's, then I'd say it's fine to say that. But if you're not, I'd just stick with telling people you have a tic disorder. If they ask questions about the diagnosis, just tell them it's currently unspecified. What's most important is that you have tics, not the label.

You know yourself better than anyone else, including your doctor, your family, your friends, etc. So, although an official diagnosis can be useful, don't feel bad about labeling it for yourself. Even if it turns out to be something else, if the label is serving a purpose for you now, or if it helps others to understand you, then I don't see a problem with it.

Getting a diagnosis can be intimidating, but if it's important to you then you need to be confident! Like I said, you know yourself better than anyone else. You need to advocate for yourself and be persistent. If your psychiatrist doesn't know much about tics, ask him if he can find out some more information to help you out, or even present him with your own findings! But, again, if you don't need accommodations and it's not affecting you too much, you may not need an official diagnosis. It's your life, and your tics.

If you do go on the diagnosis route and he isn't giving you the answers/help you need, never be afraid to seek out a second opinion! There are specialists who are trained specifically to diagnose tic disorders, which may be more helpful to you. That's how I got diagnosed when I was young.

As for telling people, in my personal experience I've found it usually goes pretty well. My tics aren't very noticeable either, so when I do tell a friend they usually say they never would have known, but nobody has ever accused me of lying or anything like that. In fact, most of the time they are interested in learning more and want to ask me questions about my tics and experiences, which I am always excited to do.

I don't know your family, so I'll try to cover my bases here... If you have the kind of parent or sibling who might try to say that they know you too well to not have noticed, try and remind them that the tics are subtle and that you may have been suppressing them. Tics can be very easy to miss when someone isn't looking for them, even when they seem obvious to you. Also tell them that it's a very recent thing (and if they question the possibility/legitimacy of that, definitely pull out the receipts lol -- articles, webpages, anything you need to). It could also go just the same as I said with friends. If anyone is particularly uptight about it, don't tolerate it. You are not faking, and anyone who thinks you are needs to get educated.

Also know that you don't NEED to tell people if you don't want to. Even your closest friend or family member is not entitled to your personal medical information if you are not comfortable with sharing it. And, if it's subtle enough that they haven't noticed yet, then they may not notice unless you bring it up. It's up to you who to tell and who not to tell.

Now, I don't know if this has been your mindset in any way, but I definitely would not recommend suppressing tics in order to avoid questions from those close to you. Your comfort is more important than theirs here!!! Ticcing is a natural thing and it is happening for a reason, listen to your body and let it do what it needs to do. I honestly would recommend never suppressing at all, but I understand that it can feel embarrassing or like everyone is looking at you, especially in public. However, in my experience, people don't really notice (even after they know about the tics if they are subtle). I want to remind you though that there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about in ticcing.

I hope this helped you, if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything feel free to send another anon or DM my way. I've linked some extra resources below that might help. Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it!!! :)

Resources:

CDC's Page on Tourette's

CDC's Page on Diagnosing Tic Disorders

Tourette Association: What Is Tourette

Tourette Association: Diagnosis

NCBI's Article on Adult-onset Tic Disorders

[shihalyfie]

Would would you say the similarity and differences are between Taichi and Takuya? (Since I've seen a lot of negative comparisons between the Adventure and Frontier cast and I'm curious with your thoughts on that)

One thing I really gripe about when it comes to the way people tend to approach the Frontier characters and compare them to those of other series is that, since Frontier is (unabashedly so) far more of a "conventional" series than the three before it, somehow that makes it and its characters worse or lacking in depth. Not at all! Firstly, there's pretty good reason to do something like this; the Adventure and 02 characters being a bit too unconventional means that you're still getting people who struggle with understanding their behavior patterns and blaming anything that doesn't "seem consistent" (actually "doesn't fall into neat fiction patterns") on "bad character writing", so Frontier being a bit more trope-y is probably just to make it a bit easier to understand the characters' progression. Moreover, even conventional tropes often have some root in reality; sure, Tomoki being a child who gets emotionally overwhelmed and cries more often may definitely seem "too conventional" compared to Takeru or Iori, but, uh...that's also extremely accurate to how a lot of real kids his age would behave. Many different kinds of kids exist! Representing all of them at once is hard!

At first glance, yes, the Frontier characters fall closer into the usual tropes (especially Super Sentai ones), but when we're talking about Digimon under Seki, it's never just been about what the characters look like at first glance but also the little nuances that they don't always put in words. The Frontier characters have a surprising amount of depth if you're willing to sit down and look at the little things, how they behave in different situations, what their motivations are for doing what they do, and while I don't think they go nearly as deep as Adventure or 02 do in this regard, it's not because I think Frontier was inherently lacking in this but because Adventure and 02 were just that level of ridiculous in terms of bias towards character writing (at occasional detriment to other aspects). Kind of unfair to expect everything else to go that far. So if we're talking about characters with this level of depth, I'd put it in between Adventure/02 and Tamers in terms of fleshing characters out this deeply. (No, I don’t actually think the Tamers characters are as "deep" as they're often claimed to be; they're just less subtle. No, that does not mean I think that's an inherently better or worse thing, given how I've always referred to this kind of thing as a double-edged sword.)

Rant aside! (Sorry, it's a bit of a long-standing point of frustration I've had with how Frontier constantly gets treated.) I think Takuya is definitely more "conventional" of a typical shounen protagonist than Taichi is, being more impulsive, hot-headed, and occasionally belligerent; Taichi was "impulsive" in the sense that he was kind of playing things by ear and could sometimes even be too chill, because his focus was often too much on the big picture instead of what was in front of him, whereas Takuya definitely comes off as the type who defaults to more aggressive solutions for the most part. However, one of the first things they point out very, very early is that Takuya's actually an older brother -- he's had to take responsibility for Shinya in the past, and it also reflects in how he handles Tomoki (and how Tomoki immediately senses that into him and latches onto him most as a surrogate older brother). While Takuya, being a bit of a misfit, isn't necessarily perfect in the role, he shares this trait with Taichi, and in fact, much like Taichi, his tendency for sometimes being insensitive or being too aggressive isn't because he's callous or doesn't care about others -- he is empathetic, he does hear others out, and he doesn't fight people for the sheer sake of fighting them but because he simply happens to disagree with others (mostly Kouji) in terms of the best way to approach things.

One thing that's really interesting about Frontier is how it starts off its cast as outright misfits; Adventure and 02's cast was made up of fundamentally selfless people, and Tamers had a cast that kinda got dragged into the whole affair, but Frontier starts off with a cast that practically seems taken out of a detention hall. The kids start off very shallow, self-centered, and not taking the concept of throwing themselves into an adventure seriously; in fact, you get the impression they took it on so easily because of how out-of-place they felt in the real world, and their adventure allows them to understand what they need to change about themselves. Given that, while Takuya didn't seem to be much of an outcast in comparison, you still get the impression he was a bit of a misfit like the others. Interestingly, as of the most recent drama CD, Takuya remains our only currently known Digimon protagonist to seriously pursue soccer beyond hobby purposes, and there's something quite fitting about that; Taichi's position in soccer was mainly meant to indicate his position as a "leader" and "someone who brings people together", and Daisuke wasn't even implied to be particularly exceptional in soccer anyway, with it having more pertinence to his relationships with Taichi and eventually Ken. In the case of Takuya, him actually enjoying the sport enough to take it seriously to the point of a career implies a genuine, unfiltered passion for what he does, that he does enjoy the thrill of climbing ranks (and for a team sport, at that), and...also, that his "aggressiveness" is actually him having a lot of boundless energy and passion that needs some kind of outlet, rather than him actively being belligerent purely for the sake of blowing things up.

[writethelifeyouwant]

Femme Fatale - Ch 2 / 2

Pairing: Alex x Reader Rating: 18+ Tags: Sub!Alex, Domme!Reader, pegging, blow job on a dildo, praise kink, bondage, cock bondage, spreader bar, dirty talk about exhibitionism, degradation Word Count: 3.2k Created for: @spnkinkbingo - Praise Kink | @anyfandomgoesbingo - Blindfolds

A/N: Thank you so much for being my first ever commission Sin! I've had a lot of fun tackling this challenge because I've never written a Domme!reader before but I really appreciate you trusting me with your idea, and I hope I do it justice ❤️

Series Masterlist

Alex has been waiting so patiently. Since he and Y/N had gone to Femme Fatale a few weeks ago, he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about everything he saw there. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about what he saw Jared doing – or more accurately, what he saw being done to Jared.

Seeing Jared submit so publicly to all those people had been mesmerising; Jensen watching on proudly from the sidelines, offering Jared encouragement and praise when Jared finally couldn’t take it any longer and asked permission to cum. Jared had spurted into Jensen’s hand, held just below him while some tiny thing continued to pound into him from behind, her own domme egging her on the whole time, and then Jared had dutifully licked Jensen’s hand clean for him when he was finished. Alex had thought he was going to cream his shorts just from watching but he’d managed to restrain himself until they got home and Y/N had ridden him until they were both shuddering and sated.

He’s been dreaming about it, waking up hard every morning since that night. And not just semi-chubbed up – achingly, maddeningly, rock-solid and leaking. It’s gotten him into trouble, because he hasn’t been able to resist touching himself when he’s that hard up, and he’s not allowed to do that. Y/N had actually brought home a cock cage the night before for him to sleep in, so he didn’t wind up breaking his rules and ruining her plans for him. She can’t very well give him what he’s been dreaming about for weeks if he’s misbehaving.

Y/N had brought home a few other things last night along with the cock cage – she’d clearly enjoyed her shopping trip a little too much. The object of his fantasies is now sitting in front of him in the centre of their bed, black and threatening against the crisp, pale linens of the rest of the bedroom. The strap-on was a good size. Alex had been nervous that Y/N would be too cautious, too gentle with him, and get something shamefully small, but she hadn’t. Caution has never been her style anyways. He’s already getting ahead of himself imagining what it will be like to take something even bigger.

Alex is wearing the other new addition to their collection, a silicone plug that has been holding him open for the past hour or so while he kneels, waiting, at the foot of the bed. He had settled easily into the familiar position, his ankles and knees spread wide and in line while he sat back lightly on the spreader bar holding his legs apart. Being held open like this, he has to concentrate on staying tight so the plug doesn’t slip out. He knows if it does, he’ll be punished.

Y/N is in the shower, part of her ritual when they plan longer play sessions like this. She leaves Alex to sit and settle into his headspace while she uses the steam and the quiet to find her own. At the sound of the hairdryer, Alex feels his cock try to harden inside its restraint. That sound means Y/N is almost ready for him, and it’s a conditioned response by now, the excited heat he feels creeping under his skin. The sound of the door opening and closing comes a moment later, and Alex’s cock gives another smothered leap. She’s in the room with him now.

The scrape of blunt nails across the short hairs at the nape of his neck makes Alex shake, and the cuffs on his wrists and ankles rattle. He tries to crane his head back to see her but she pulls away, and he knows that means he’s not supposed to look yet.

“Have you been good for me, baby boy?” Y/N’s voice rings sweetly above him, sinking into his veins like a shot of something cool and calm. She’s using Jensen’s nickname for Jared again, the name he’s come to associate with this act. With dildos and harnesses and boys on their knees showing off how good they can be when they’re told what to do – when they’re owned like he and Jared are.

“Yes, Mistress,” Alex answers steadfastly. He has been good, he knows he has. He has been perfect for her.

“Yes, I can see you have been,” and he can hear the smile in Y/N’s voice, even though she still won’t move to where he can see her. He gasps suddenly but manages to choke it off before he gets too loud. Y/N had bent down to tap against his plug, nudging it maddeningly close to his prostate. “Good boy,” Y/N drops a small kiss to his shoulder in recognition of his efforts to keep quiet.

Alex savours the compliment, smiling proudly until a wisp of black trails up his back and over his eyes – his blindfold. He instantly deflates as Y/N secures the tie at the back of his head. He wants to see her. Well really, he wants to see her with a cock jutting out from her hips. He desperately hopes this doesn’t mean he won’t get to do that. A sharp tug on his cock sends Alex’s back rigid again as he tries to hold in the cry of shock at the sudden pain, however short lived.

“If you’re going to mope, we can stop right now,” Y/N speaks gently against his ear. She’s not mean about it, not cruel or teasing, she’s simply informing him.

“No, sorry, I’m sorry,” Alex sits as straight as he can manage, shoulders back, thighs and spine tensed.

“It’s okay, baby boy,” Y/N slips the back of her hand across his cheek and down his chest before pulling away. The creak of the bed springs tell Alex that she’s climbed on, hopefully, he prays as fervently as he can, to retrieve the strap-on she’d left him to contemplate this whole time. There’s moving and rustling and breathing but it’s all muddling together in his ears. He can’t make out where anything is, what anything is. He can only wait.

Something firm brushes against his lips. Y/N is in front of him now, and, he hopes, wearing the harness. The dildo is what’s pressing at his lips, and it is pressing now, not just brushing against them. Y/N wants him to let her in. He does, with relish.

“Good boy,” Y/N intones above him, her hands reaching for his head and combing through his hair. She doesn’t try directing him at first, just lets him explore the toy on his own. The silicone feels odd against his lips, it dries too quickly every time he pulls back so his mouth catches against its veins on each push back in. He isn’t sure how much of it he’s managing to fit into his mouth but he finds his limit fairly quickly, accidentally gagging himself and having to pull off.

“Sorry,” he pants, wishing he could wipe the spit that’s dripping down his chin, but his arms are still tied to the bar behind him. He must look so pathetic right now. His cock gives another twinge in its cage.

“It’s okay baby boy, try again, you can do it.” Y/N reassures him gently and pulls his mouth back to the toy. This time, when he reaches his limit and starts to pull away, Y/N stops him. She grips his hair tightly and holds the back of his head still on her cock. Alex gags again but stays still, and after a moment the intrusion doesn’t feel as bothersome. “Good boy,” Y/N murmurs above him, and Alex’s chest swells with warmth. “Just take a little more for me, baby boy. There we go,” Y/N eases him down just a fraction, and Alex starts to suck to distract his throat from wanting to push the toy out the other way.

“Fuck, you look so good like this baby,” Y/N sighs above him, petting his hair in appreciation. “Can just imagine how jealous all those guys at the club would be, seeing you suck me down so good. They’d all want a turn. It’s a shame to have you waste such a pretty mouth on a cock that can’t even feel it.” Alex moans around the toy and Y/N lets him pull back to suckle at the head. “You tryin’ to make me cum, baby boy?” Y/N laughs as Alex nods. “Such a fucking cumslut, aren’t you? Perfect fucking toy for that club.”

Alex’s mouth is suddenly empty and the air around him grows still and cold. He wants to call out, ask where she’s gone, but he doesn’t dare. Y/N keeps him waiting, testing him to see if he can behave, if he can keep quiet.

He passes.

The restraints holding his wrists to the bar click as Y/N undoes the buckles. She carefully rubs each wrist and moves the arm gently back and forth so she doesn’t shock his joints, before placing each hand palm down on the bed in front of him.

“Stand up, and keep bent over.” Alex pushes up from his knees onto his toes gracefully, in a move reminiscent of a yoga transition, and sinks his head and shoulders to the mattress, back arching and feet still widespread, leaving his ass open and on display. Arousal courses through him from the depth of the submission in this position. “So pretty,” Y/N coos. “I’ll have to bring a camera next time.” Next time. Alex’s blood sings at the promise, and he hasn’t even been fucked yet.

A fingernail trails lightly over the head of his cock through its cage, and he groans, unable to hold it in. That earns him a smack right over the plug sticking out of his exposed hole. He can’t stop the moan that follows that either, and Y/N repeats the motion harder, and harder again.

“C’mon baby, if you’re gonna moan like a little bitch then at least try to sound sexy while you do it,” she sneers behind him. Alex feels his body flame red under the insult. “You just sound like a slut. There’s plenty of those to go around, nothing making you special.” Alex cries out at the next hit and feels a spurt of precome force its way out of his cock. “That’s more like it,” Y/N praises, and he sighs in relief that he got it right.

The next sound Alex hears is the snick of a plastic cap – lube – he clenches just thinking about it. Then the plug in him is being twisted, swirled and thrust in and out of him teasingly. He moans again, now that he has permission, and Y/N pumps the plug in even harder as a reward. His ass doesn’t want to let it go when she pulls it away, oh so slowly, but it’s almost immediately replaced with her finger. It’s much thinner than the plug, and Alex feels his hole fluttering around it wantonly, silently begging for more, which she readily gives.

A second finger follows quickly and easily. The third is tougher, this time it’s a stretch, but the tight pain sends another shot of warmth through his cock and leaks out of the tip onto the bed. Y/N notices.

“You like that, baby boy?” she asks, sugar sweet. Alex nods and whines, and her fingers leave him instantly.

“Yes, Mistress!” he corrects, arching his back to try to find her fingers. She obliges him and pushes them in again.

“You think you’re ready?”

“Yes, Mistress,” he answers properly, fucking himself back into her hand.

“Okay,” she withdraws her fingers and gives his butt a soothing pat. “On the bed, on your back for me, yeah?”

“Yes, Mistress.” Alex turns to sit on the bed and hoists himself back until he can feel their pillows and headboard behind him. He lays down, bending his knees and pulling them back to his chest. The bed dips below him as Y/N climbs on too, crawling between Alex’s legs. Another click, more lube drips down his ass, the cool liquid pooling on the covers as it runs off his ass. He feels the dildo press against his hole and he holds his breath.

The first nudge inside of him is strange. It’s thicker and rounder than anything he’s had back there before. The second little push is uncomfortable, and Alex scrunches his eyes shut, even though, with the blindfold on, it doesn’t make much difference. Y/N’s hands smooth up the backs of his thighs, rubbing gently, soothing the tension that had rocketed through them a moment before. After a few seconds of sympathetic touching Alex manages to relax, and he feels the dildo slip a little further inside of him.

Y/N keeps up soft cooing noises under her breath, making sure Alex knows how good he’s being, what a perfect baby boy he’s being for her. The praise makes him glow, and helps him forget the pain that’s still pulsing dully between his legs.

“I think you deserve a little reward, for being so good,” Y/N whispers when she’s finally pushed the toy all the way in, her hips flush with his.

“Can I see you?” Alex asks desperately. “Wanna look at you Mistress, please.”

“That’s what you want?” Y/N laughs, a little creully. “I was going to take this off,” her fingers skim over his balls and the cock cage keeping him soft and Alex jumps under the touch, “but if you want the blindfold off instead…” Y/N trails off, leaving the choice up to him. Alex falters, caught out by his own eagerness. If Y/N doesn’t take the cage off him now, she might not take it off at all. But on the other hand, the thought of not being able to see her the rest of the night… not being able to watch her fucking him, to see the cock pushing in and out of his body, the same sight he’d been so transfixed by when he was watching it happen to Jared… he needs to see it.

“The blindfold,” Alex whimpers as Y/N continues to tease his cock through the metal rings clamped around it. “Take off the blindfold, please, Mistress.”

“As you wish.”

Alex blinks up at Y/N’s smiling face as his eyes adjust to the light in the room. She looks fucking sexy. She’s in the same lingerine that she’d worn to Femme Fatale that night, the set he’d picked out for her to wear, and the addition of the leather harness at her hips is unfairly attractive. Alex glances down to their hips, takes in the sight of his cock lying limp against his stomach in its little metal prison, and skims further down to catch a glimpse of shiny black poking out from between their bodies. He swallows hard. This was absolutely the right decision.

“Like what you see baby boy?” Y/N taunts, swivelling her hips just a little to pull a groan from him as the dildo rubs against his prostate.

“Fuck yes,” Alex whines, the sound catching high in his throat and pouring out of him raggedly.

“Gonna let me fuck you now?” she asks sweetly, swinging her hips again.

“Fucking please, Mistre– fuck!” Alex shouts as Y/N pulls out and pistons her hips back in harshly. The pain is still there but the sharp strike of the toy inside him sends something like lightning up his spine that drowns out any other feeling his body is trying to conjure.

“Such a dirty mouth,” Y/N pants, beginning to sound out of breath as she fucks his ass relentlessly. “Love that about you, baby. Let me hear you.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” That’s the only word Alex can remember right now. He’s been waiting for this, dreaming about this, for so long and now it’s finally happening he can’t hold himself back. His cock aches and his head goes fuzzy as all the blood in his body tries to drain to his groin to get him hard but the cage keeps him soft and passive. It doesn’t stop him from leaking precum all over his stomach though. It’s dripping down his side, pooling in his belly button, leaving him slick and sticky and fucking humiliated the more he looks at it. Y/N catches where he’s looking and smirks, running her fingers through the offending liquid and bringing it to his lips.

“Look at this fucking mess, such a needy little slut aren’t you?” Alex whimpers and nods, head jerking back as Y/N pushes his hips up so she can get even deeper. “Like my cock in your ass baby boy?” Alex nods again, lost for words and breath. “Can’t wait to see how much more this slutty little hole can take. Maybe it can take two? What do you think about that, me and someone else fucking you open so you’re all loose and used up?”

Y/N’s monologue has Alex gasping for air. He’s always found her voice sexy, and when she paints these pictures for him, how can he not fall straight in and give himself up to the pleasure she’s promising?

“Wanna get you a cock that’s so big I can see it inside you.” Y/N runs her hand over his stomach, through the sticky mess he’s leaking over his happy trail. “Wanna see it right here, punching up inside you, filling you up so good.” Alex groans, pushing up into her hand and pushing his hips back onto her cock. “That’s it baby, fuck yourself for me, good boy.”

Alex is starting to get dizzy. The physical exertion and the immense pleasure and the tinge of pain and lack of hard on to channel everything into has him thrown off, and achingly desperate – obviously just how Y/N wants him. Then, without warning, the pressure on his cock disappears and it fills so rapidly it’s painful and without the chance to even think about asking for permission he’s cumming in long pulses, shooting up his chest and onto his lips and his chin. He thinks he screamed but he can’t be sure and then everything goes orange and red and splotchy, and then white.

Alex blinks awake in the semi-dark, the blue glow of Y/N’s laptop illuminating her baggy t-shirt and messy hair as she sits up in bed reading. It takes him a moment to orient himself, to remember how to move his fingers and toes but he finally manages to drag himself closer to Y/N.

“Hey there, sleepy head,” she grins down at him, and reaches out to stroke his hair off his forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“Completely dead,” Alex breathes. “In a good way,” he adds when he catches the tinge of worry flit across Y/N’s face. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, baby boy,” Y/N leans down and brushes his lips in a soft kiss. “So, you want to do that again?”

“Absolutely,” Alex sighs, snuggling into Y/N’s side and wrapping his arms around her like a teddy bear.

“Good,” Y/N pushes away her laptop and settles into the cuddle, curling up in Alex’s arms like a happy little spoon. “Because I’ve got some ideas.”

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[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter twelve

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2588

This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.

Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: none

Note: Normally I am the type of person to be date accurate when writing things and if you are too, I'm sorry. I messed up on the dates, so the battle of New York happens like a month after it should. This is also a short chapter because it's a filler and I'm trying to just get to the Winter Soldier but have everything make sense.

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Masterlist

A few days later I had received a small archivist job in the WWII department of the Smithsonian. Thankfully the made-up resume and a few fake SHIELD recommendations came in handy. I would officially start the following week after a few background checks were cleared. In my free time until then, I unpacked all the boxes in my apartment. It started to feel more homely and warm when all of my things filled up the space. When I didn’t feel like unpacking anything, I started taking long walks to the VFW building. I hadn’t joined in on any of the meetings yet, I just stood by the doorway and watched, listening to the stories people told.

One day that week as I stood back in the hallway after the meeting had ended, a man came up to me. He was a little taller than I was and had the brightest smile I had ever seen. I had watched him in the meetings before, he was usually the one hosting them, giving advice to all who needed it.

“I’ve seen you standing out here for the past three days, why don’t you come have a seat next time? It would be more comfortable than standing out here for an hour.” He said as he leaned his back against the wall right next to me.

“I have thought about it, but I tend to get here after you have started. I don’t want to interrupt anything by just barging in.” I said over my shoulder at him.

“You won't interrupt anything, just come on in next time, we’d be happy to have a new face around,” He pushed himself off the wall and walked down the hall.

After that, I ended up joining the meetings and even spoke a few times. I learned that the man who came up to me that day was Sam Wilson, pararescue, who had served two tours in Afghanistan. From the first day he came up and talked to me to now, we quickly became friends.

The days had turned into weeks and I was finally able to live relatively by my own means. The Smithsonian was great, in the archives, no one was really around and I could spend a whole day without any interruptions, which allowed me to just concentrate on what I was doing. After closing, I normally walked to meet Sam, who was usually way too excited to see me, even though we saw each other almost every day without fail.

“You’re late today.” I jumped, startled out of my thoughts at the sound of someone talking to me. I looked up, spying Sam standing next to one of the small trees outside the VFW building.

“What do you mean late?”

“I mean you usually get here at three-thirty. It's four right now.” He said looking down at his watch.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize. I've just been lost in my thoughts lately.” I sighed.

“I know we’ve only been friends for what? A month? But I already know when something is bothering you, What is it?”

“Nothing really, just my brother. Since moving here he's called at least twice a week to check up but it’s been radio silence for the past two weeks, he doesn't even answer when I try calling him. I'm just a little worried that something bad is going on, considering his job.”

“Well, maybe he’s just really busy at the moment, or he's somewhere he can't call you. You know how it is being out on those military missions.”

“I know, it’s just the last time we were apart on a mission,” I trailed off and looked up at Sam, he raised his eyebrows, quietly waiting for the end of the sentence. “Someone close to us passed. It’s still fresh in my mind like it happened yesterday. I was there that day and I was too far away to even know what had happened, now my brother and I aren’t even in the same vicinity as each other, there is no telling what could happen and it makes me nervous.”

He gave me a small apologetic smile and patted my shoulder before leading me from the tree where we stood to where his car was parked. “What do you say we hang out at mine and just watch some tv? Get your mind off things? Or we can talk about it, either way, it’s better than dealing with it alone.” I nodded my head and grabbed onto the car door handle as he unlocked it.

Walking through the front door after him I took a quick look around. It was cozy, way more decorated than I thought it would be for a man in his early thirties living alone.

“Make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink?” He asked neck-deep in the fridge.

“Okay, I’ll just have some water,” I called out as I made my way further into the living room. The couch was backed up to the wall a few feet away from the dining room table. I sat down on it and scooted as close as I could to its right arm. A few moments later Sam came over with two glasses of water and a bag of chips. He handed me my drink before crashing down into his own seat. “Thank you,” I said before taking a long sip.

He nodded as he said “No problem.” Before he got himself really comfortable he searched around for the TV remote. As he pressed the ‘on’ button the TV came to life. “What in the world is that?” He sounded concerned so I quickly looked at the screen.

“Breaking: Attack on New York City. This afternoon at 2:15 several unidentified aircraft descended onto Earth's surface. Strange beings, some are calling aliens, Accompanied these ships and are causing havoc in Manhattan. Eyewitnesses have stated that they have seen Iron Man, and what seemed to be Captain America, leading a team of three others fighting back against the invaders. The battle seems to be over but updates are still coming in, let's take a look at some footage of the downtown destruction.” My eyes went wide and my heart stopped as I listened to what the reporter was saying. I kept my eyes glued to the screen as it changed to show a destroyed street. As the camera panned around I spotted Steve fighting against two of the creatures, before the clip quickly changed to show one of the large ships crashing into the New York skyline.

“Oh God Steve, what did you get into?” I murmured to myself.

“You say that like you know him personally.”

“Uhh.” I just gave him a wide-eyed look of surprise. “I do, he’s my brother.”

“Now really isn’t the time to be joking about things,” He gave me a pointed look.

“I swear I’m not joking, he really is my brother. I can explain later, I need to try and get a hold of him.” I pulled out the small flip phone from my pocket and dialed the number for Steve's cell phone, it rang and rang but no answer. I hung up quickly and dialed the number Fury gave me at the beginning of the month. After two rings he answered.

“I assume you are looking for Captain Rogers.”

“Where is he? Is he okay?” I tried to keep the worried tone from coming through in my voice.

“He’s fine. He is in the middle of a debriefing. I’ll tell him you called.”

“Okay, thank you.” As soon as the words left my mouth he gave a quick hum and then hung up. I looked over at Sam whose eyes hadn't left me at all. “Everything is fine, he's in a debrief so that means that whatever happened in New York is definitely over.”

“That’s good to hear, hopefully, those things don’t try to come back again.” He shook like a shiver ran down his spine. “Now please explain how Captain America, a man from the 1940s, is your brother.”

“I can hear the skepticism in your voice.”

He held his hands up in defense, “Hey, I'm not the one saying I'm the sister to a 90 something-year-old man.”

“Look, it’s a long story that I would rather not get into now but the short version is that I was born in 1921, Steve is my older brother, we both ended up taking the super-soldier serum and fought against HYDRA in the second world war. We ended up crashing a plane into some Ice in the Atlantic ocean and were found and unfrozen last October.” “If you are really Captain America’s sister, then why are you never mentioned in anything?” I looked at him and shook my head.

“Well for starters it was the forties and I was a woman fighting on the front lines. Credit is never given where it is due. But there is also the fact that I was a part of the SSR, which was very secretive, after I died.” I put my fingers up in air quotes, “They should have erased most, if not all the files on me, per protocol. The only reason Steve is well known is because of his time going cross country selling war bonds.” I paused for a second before quickly adding, “I’m sure if you look hard enough, you’ll find me in the history books somewhere.”

Sam just sat there not really saying anything. This was the first time I think he had ever been quiet for more than five seconds. I let out a deep sigh and stood, grabbing my bag from the floor. “Thanks for having me over, but I think I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stood and walked me to the door.

“Don’t be late. I’ll see you.” Sam waved me off and I headed down the street.

About half a year later while sorting through some archive files, I came across Peggy Carter. I felt a pang in my heart as I stared at the photo of her standing next to Howard Stark. Other than Steve and Bucky, those two were my closest friends. I fell down a rabbit hole after that, finding any information on the two that I could find. They had both helped found SHIELD in 1965, they had both gotten married and had children of their own. Peggy's children had stayed out of the public eye, but in true Stark fashion, Howard’s son evidently took over the family business and was living the high life. I pulled out a newspaper from the stack I had on the table in front of me and was shocked at what I saw. The title read ‘Howard and Maria Stark Die in Car Accident’, I knew Howard most likely wasn’t alive anymore but seeing the photographs of the wrecked car in the newspaper cast a somber mood through the room.

I laid the paper down on the table and ruffled through more of the papers before determining that we had no information on if Peggy was alive or not. That sent me into a frenzy of looking through phone books to try and find her and calling every retirement home in DC that I could. The only lead I had to go off of was a small interview from a newspaper, talking to Peggy about the seventieth anniversary of V-E Day, stated that she was living in Washington, DC.

After eight failed calls, finally, on the ninth, I had finally found a home which had a Peggy Carter as a residence in room 204. I rushed to pack up my things and left my office early. I ran down the back hallways as fast as I could without drawing too much attention. When I made it out of the building I ran full speed to the road to hail a cab.

Amazingly the traffic was almost nonexistent and I made it to the retirement home in only ten minutes. I fumbled out of the cab and I raced through the front doors of the building. I must have startled the women at the front desk because as soon as I rounded the corner to the staircase, they were yelling after me. I took the steps three at a time in my haste to get to the second floor. I stopped running when I was outside of room 204. I couldn’t see anything clearly through the frosted window so I knocked hesitantly and slowly opened the door and stepped in.

There in the middle of the room, against the wall was a single bed. A woman laid there quietly with her eyes closed. The closer I came to her the more familiar she looked. I let out a relieved gush of breath. There she was, older now, but still the Peggy I once knew. I nervously grabbed one of the chairs in the corner of the room and brought it over to her bedside so I could sit. Gently I gave her a small tap on the hand before just holding it in mine. She stirred but her eyes never opened.

All of a sudden one of the nurses from downstairs came into the room, with an angry and shocked expression.

“Ma’am, You can't be in here. If you want to see a patient, you have to sign in.” I ignored her, my eyes trained on Peggy's face. The commotion of the woman barging into the room had made her open her eyes and look around. I just watched as she scanned the room, first to the door on the left, to the wall in front of her, past me sitting on her right, then to the window behind me.” Her brows raised and she lifted her hands to her eyes to rub. The shock on her face was evident as she turned her head to stare directly at me.

“Hey Carter, long time no see huh?” I gave her the biggest smile that I could.

“Is it really you?” She reached her hand out to mine and grabbed hold.

“It is, it’s really me.”

“Ma’am, I mean it, you can't be here.” The nurse tried again, this time Peggy shot her a glare.

“Ms. I’ll have you know this is one of my best friends and she can be in here if she wants to. Now leave us alone.” The young nurse nodded her head and rushed out, even in old age she could still put on that commanding tone that struck fear in every man. She slowly turned back to me, almost like if she looked back for me, I would be gone. “How? How are you here?”

“It’s a long story Peg, are you sure you want to hear it?”

“Look where I am, I have nothing but time.” She laughed out and I let out my own small laugh as I shook my head.

In addition to what I had been doing, like hanging out with Sam, after that first visit, I made it a priority to see Peggy once or twice every two weeks, depending on how she was doing. Dementia had put a lot of stress on her, and seeing me after almost seventy-five years and looking relatively the same as I had when frozen took out a giant toll on her.

And that's how the next 10 months went until Steve eventually moved into an apartment directly under me.

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