#sorry if its incoherent im very tired rn

[rose-tinted-vision]

Okay I've finished The Blood of youth and in my opinion:

- the drama ended in the best way possible (we are ignoring episode 25/26) for our main character but its funnier when you think about how Xiao Lingchen told the late Emperor to pass on the throne to his least favourite son.

- before they revealed that he had written two edicts I was seriously wondering like "...do you really not like Xiao Chong that much old man???"

- but I'm glad he wrote two. man really said "go fight it out between yourselves"

- in all seriousness though, I think he did that because he trusts these two princes to be mature enough to not repeat his mistake. Also because both Xiao Se and Xiao Chong have proven that they are mature enough to lead Tianqi, no matter who ends up on the throne.

- and his trust was not misplaced! Xiao Chong didn't immediately announce the edict in his hands because 1. Xiao Se isn't even in the palace, 2. I'd like to think that he knows that Xiao Se has no intention of being Emperor, and would much rather roam the jianghu instead and 3. he wants to let Xiao Se announce it himself, whether he accepts or rejects the edict, instead of making that decision for him.

- I loved that Xiao Se was still himself at the end of the show, that he did not forget those who helped him along the way and did not lose himself in the (one-sided) bloodbath that Xiao Yu started.

- The only issue I have with the ending was that Zang Ming wasn't there when the edict was read out??? Dude did not sacrifice his eyes to be left out like that...

^ the contrast to the start!!

[whump-in-the-closet]

A Healer's Hands

poll results came in: team whump, medic is broken down to be made an example of

cw: gore, medic whump, creepy whumper, team dynamics, captivity, torture

The Medic's crew stumbled through the cell door, one after the other.

Captain, with a black eye and a limp, lifted two fingers to their temple in a mock solute. Their clothes were torn and there was blood on their uniform's collar.

Youngest trembled as one of the henchmen shoved them inside the gated door. They looked around, eyes brighter than a deer's in headlights. "H-hey Medic." They wrapped their arms around themself.

"Hey," Medic swallowed down the twisting feeling that rose up. He forced his voice to soften, to not carry any of the sharp panic he felt. "Where are you hurt?"

"We're fine," Captain cut in, gesturing behind Medic's shoulder. "It's--"

Medic had already whirled around.

Lieutenant.

The Lieutenant held onto the cell wall with a shaking grip. Where he touched it, blood trickled down the stones in a steady faucet run.

Drip.

Drip.

"Lieutenant?"

He glanced up. His nose was gushing red. It stained his uniform, bright and electric in the dull light.

"Turns out those fuckers can throw a punch after all," said Lieutenant with a hoarse laugh. Still unceremoniously reckless.

But he let Medic hold a makeshift bandage--ripped from Medic's shirt-- to his nose.

As Lieutenant sat down, Medic crouched beside him, correcting how he was holding the bandage. "Don't tilt your head up."

Lieutenant winced when Medic readjusted the bandage.

Medic drew away and reevaluated the situation. "It's broken," he said.

"It’s just a new look I’m trying out – call it avant-garde." Lieutenant tried to laugh but ended up grimacing. He waved Medic away. "I'll survive."

Medic shook his head. "Wiseass." But he smiled. Then. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Lieutenant tilted his head against the wall, pieces of choppy hair falling away to reveal a swollen eye and pulsing bruises. He closed his eyes. Through a clenched jaw, he managed, "I think they broke my ribs."

Medic swallowed down a wave of helplessness. "Just stay still."

Lieutenant kept his eyes closed, breathing shallowly. "My pleasure."

Medic turned to Captain and Youngest. "So, you and you, where are you injured?" He only asked to make conversation. He had already identified that Youngest's arm was dislocated, hanging loosely at their side. And on Captain's right thigh was a raw-edged wound, seeping and damaged.

Medic took off his jacket, ready to tear it into makeshift bandages and a sling.

But neither looked at him.

Youngest was staring at something over Medic's shoulder. They pressed back into the wall, shaking.

"No," they whispered. "No. Not again."

Captain put a comforting hand on their shoulder, mouth set in a thin line.

Electric fear whispered a spider-like path down Medic's spine. They turned just as the cell door opened.

Whumper entered with two henchmen strolling behind them. Whumper grinned, teeth canine-sharp. His blood-red hair was tied back, accentuating fox-like features. He didn't look quite human-- too tall, too much of a bounce in his walk.

And he wouldn't stop smiling.

He swung a crowbar.

Even Lieutenant flinched.

Oh.

Oh.

Whumper arched an eyebrow when Medic stood his ground. "You're Medic?"

Medic glanced at Lieutenant-- saw panic and web-woven fear-- then back at Whumper. "Yes."

Whumper flicked the crowbar side to side. He kept talking, a paper mache smile at the corner of his mouth. "I don't appreciate you wrecking what I'm trying to build here."

Medic failed to understand. "I'm a medic. I have to provide care," he said automatically.

His head buzzed. He couldn't-- couldn't think clearly.

Whumper appeared to consider this. He tilted his head to the side. "I see. Well, I have to do things too, I get it."

"Yeah. Wait. No, what?"

The henchmen grabbed Medic. One kicked him in the back of the knees, forcing him to kneel.

Medic struggled, lashing out like a trapped animal.

A henchman brought the edge of their gun over Medic's head and Medic slumped forward.

His vision suddenly doubled.

The short-wired tension burst into flame.

Captain lunged forward. "Leave him alone!"

It took two henchmen to restrain Captain, pinning their arms behind them, and another to kick Lieutenant in the ribs, so he doubled over coughing. Incapacitated.

Whumper leaned over Medic, tilting his chin up to look him in the eye. "You should have left well enough alone," he whispered.

Medic snarled something unintelligible. A curse. A plea. He didn't know.

Whumpr straightened. To the others, he said, "You all break as easily as his hands will. And if you don't believe me? Watch."

There was a sharp intake of breath. Realization hit with a dull, sick thud. "No!" Lieutenant cried out, "No! No-- don't!"

But the henchmen had dragged Medic's hand out and splayed it on the tiles, kicking him when he tried to pull it away.

Whumper lifted the crowbar.

Medic's eyes widened in horror.

"No-- no, nonono! Please--" His voice arched into a desperate cry, more animal than human.

Crack.

A splintering sound.

All Medic could see was white. Electric pain filled every nerve, spilled into every bone, coating his teeth and burning-- burning, burning, burning.

A terrible sound ripped itself out of his throat.

And then again--

Crack.

His left hand.

Medic screamed.

Maybe he had screamed before.

Had always screamed.

Maybe he would scream forever.

Darkness filled the corners of his vision, blurring the sharp flashes of red of white--

Electric, pulsing red.

Burning, vicious white.

Blood trickled down his arms, bright and throbbing with a cinching pain.

Whumper wiped the gory crowbar on Medic's shirt.

His henchmen let the unconscious medic slump to the floor, little more than a bundle of clothes. They released Captain, who sank to the cell floor, unable to look away from Medic.

Whumper bent down by Lieutenant, whose breaths were coming in sharp drags. He wiped a tear off of Liutenant's face. "Crying?"

"No." His voice shook.

Whumper smiled generously. "Oh, no." He stood. "Tomorrow, one of you will offer up the information on your base. I do not make idle threats."

The door locked on the blood-soaked cell.

Lieutenant muffled a sob.

"We...we can't," said Captain. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry.

They didn't know if they were apologizing to the unconscious Medic or to what remained of his hands.

tagging the people who interacted with the poll: @acer-gaysimpstuff, @yet-another-heathen, @another-whump-sideblog

[the-lonelyshepherd]

i am curious about calliope, i feel like i know a lot about the silly cowboyes but not enough about her, what’s she like what’s her story

CALLIEEEEE!!!

the reason i dont post/draw her as much as the cowboyes (yeehaw) is because shes newer, less developed, and deals with a lot of like. directly touchy subjects for myself. also her design changes every 2 days but she does get more decrepit and more middle aged man looking every design lmfao (she is a . newly 18 year old girl.) im just going to say words now its going to be a mess brace yourself

she herself is kind of a mess her whole concept is that she was kind of Weird but like. normaled out. joined the track team. was good at it. was like. kind of in with the crowd. and then it all starts falling apart.

she was very quiet and then very "shut up and go with it" for most of her life and now shes like a confused paranoid wreck because like. she can contain the horrors no longer. shes kind of a dick sometimes kind of unaware of a lot of stuff VERY confused about her entire situation probably iron deficient and oh so very tired. its a very "i dont recognize myself in the mirror but maybe i never knew who i really was" type of story

im still working on the exact rules of the werewolfism ,,,,,,, but im leaning towards making it NOT actually from a bite. for my secret evil Reasons.

originally the plan was to have her be aroace and have a whole Thing about that but now im leaning more towards simply aro (wether that be aroallo or non SAM aro im not sure yet but leaning towards the latter).

she also does llike. experience hallucinations and delusions and paranoid spells like outside of the whole werewolf thing. theyre two seperate problems she has . very confusing and awful for her lmao

the story is more of a vibe and a few scenes than solid right now but its like. setting building (track, friendgroup, home life) -> fakeout (dog bite) -> actually initiating problem (theres several versions of this and im not sure which one im doing yet) -> she has to LEAVE and everything gets fucking crazy and there is no structure beyond this point minus random scenes and throwaway characters (roadkill, hospital, living room, van, cliff,,,,,, idk theres a lot of random scenes, probably something w/her brother )

im. very incoherent aand tired rn but i love her lots and if you wanna get a good idea of Her . then the best i have is her pinterest board

GRIINNNN tysm for asking about her im sorry if this makes no sens e😭

[enden-k]

idk if they still work neither, but you're welcome 🤍

anyway

THERE'S EVEN STARTED IN GENSHIN this one with fungus(? or how they called)

I'm so upset its in fontain, why not in Sumeru- whyyyy🥹

im super happy to see old friends again (bongo head and the npc whose name i forgot) but im so tireddddddddddd of fontaine, i really dont wanna whine and complain but im so tired, i feel like im locked in here AHHAH

(i ended up whining so im just gonna yeet it UTC, sorry for incoherent babbling im very very sleepy rn)

(the fungus event is not the main event this time so its not about it but the main events in the past updates in general) i would love to have a proper event again in sumeru or mond or even inazuma, with the characters actually in the spotlight and not some same face npcs im. yea. im complaining a lil now sorry, dont get me wrong i think its still fun and not everything is bad and sucks, i do like some stuff in fontaine and the story and characters ofc its just. i think im just really tired of genshin rn bc im just so overwhelmed and still not able to move on from sumeru yet ghghh

sumeru and its whole ass theme of found family and friendship, the interdarshan championship and how cool it was--- they ruined everything for me fr BYE

[dykeyote]

do you have hcs about what your favs are like when sleepy?

HEHE OH THIS IS SO FUN i do ...... i love sleepy little guys . ok hello its next day valentine and i wrote a whole long paragraph and then fell asleepers and i dont wanna take fifty years to reply to asks the way i always do so im just doing jeddie and yvonne bc theyre my tippy top favs rn :3 im really into syd too rn but if i take the time to do a big research dive into eveery time hes ever mentioned sleeping im gonna fuck myself over bc i can Vaguely remember him having sleep habits of some sort that are brought up once or twice and if i dive into all that this is gonna take even longer to post!!!!!!!

i think jedidiah gets sleepy very quickly and easily but is kind of in denial of this fact . hes like an old man the second its like 8 pm hes getting sleepy but he forces himself to stay up until 8 am thru the sheer power of paranoia and freakishness anyway . he gets kinda sleepy mumbly he like tries to go on long rambles but its sort of incoherent and quiet . also i think he sleeps in the weirdest positions EXCLUSIVELY he cant sleep if all his limbs arent bent in weird positions and his head isnt tilted weirdly and his pillow isnt in the most hyperspecific configuration possible . also i feel like he needs a clock by him to sleep ..... he needs to Hear the ticking or he cant sleep . i also think he has a lot of rituals (sorry for ocdjedding i cant help it) abt checking to be sure sydneys alive and shit like that so he tends to like . practically fall asleep and then get very anxious and checky and then almost fall back asleep again and hten loop for a while before he properly zonks out

yvonne i think is very much the opposite she can stay up SUPER late . whenever theyd hang out w the above at night jeddied start nodding off in the middle of it and yvonned shake him up . i think they tend to snore and sleeptalk theyre Quite noisy when theyre asleep joshua is deeply annoyed by it but yvonne tells him 2 stop being a big baby . i think they get very grouchy when shes tired in the mornings they NEEED to wake up late and have had breakfast in order to talk to u or else theyre grumbling and glaring and making huffy noises about it . on the contrary i think at NIGHTS when shes sleepy shes very silly and chatty and they go on big rambles and enjoy cuddling up and things like that . tired vs sleepy ........ i think they also sleep Splayed About all over the place and i dont think they usually have a blanket they seem like the type to run hot to me ... goths who run hot i salute u . they can also sleep anywhere i feel like they can sleep in a chair or leaning against something or at a desk or standing up at any time if theyre sleepy they can just zonk out

[letsfluxshitup]

I can’t believe I send anons to someone who calls wasabi and a little bit of water wasabi soup. Heartbroken rn /j /lh </3

Anyways! Royalty AU thoughts!

I promise I’m not an angst-centric person but like. Maybe someone— an enemy kingdom, maybe— catches onto the fact that Quackity is close to Techno, after they become friends, and they see an Opportunity. Because getting to Techno himself is tough bc he has so much fighting prowess and has so many eyes on him, being the eldest child of the Antarctic Empire. But Quackity? Someone who has no position of power and clearly has no experience in combat? He’s easy to get ahold of.

It could go in a lot of ways— maybe they’re trying to get information from Quackity himself, even tho it’s not like Big Q has any insider info, you know?? And that could be more light-hearted probably bc they’re just like ‘we just kidnapped a total dumbass’ and they don’t see a reason 2 keep him around or they let their guard down and Quackity is like ‘guess who just used their amazing powers of persuasion to escape a kidnapping’ and Techno is just. ‘What Are You Talking About.’ He’s so tired skdjdk

It could also be a threat kind of situation, though, because Quackity could defo be used as a weak point! And Techno isn’t going to act impulsively no matter what, bc he’s strategic and good at keeping a level-head, but the fact that these people stoop so low to bring someone of the commonwealth into political affairs like that makes him FURIOUS. It’s a strategy, yes, but morally it’s abt as wrong as one could get

If we’re feeling v self-indulgent (and when are we not) feral fighting Quackity could definitely be incorporated. Maybe the person assigned to keep an eye on him— just the one, because no one takes Quackity seriously, or thinks he can do anything— insults Techno off-handedly, speaking to someone over a com, calls him incompetent or a weak link for associating w/ someone so likely to get caught in the crossfire of royal business. Something personal that just hits a specific part of Big Q’s brain.

And Quackity has been compliant. He’s nervous beyond belief, sure, but he doesn’t want to get hurt, and Techno probably would just want him to chill out and wait.

But Techno is his FRIEND, and one of the most competent people he knows, and he just goes Feral <3 he’s all nails and teeth and he may not know how to hold a weapon but he doesn’t need one to get this point across. Whether or not he wins doesn’t matter as long as they understand that he is Angry and he sure is good at conveying that!

ANYWAYS. Tender Friendship Reunion is Important of course <3 I don’t take my ideas too seriously so u know it probably involves plenty of dumbassery on both their parts. Quackity thinks it’s very romantic of Techno to bust in and save him (/j) and Techno just wants a nap by the end of it

I just think abt Techno’s constant caution when it comes to getting close to ppl because of how they’re likely to get hurt by/betray him and it’s like. Haha time to capitalize on that :] but not too much bc I love seeing my favs chill out. Cottagecore Techno is now the only thing I will think abt

I’m terrible at writing coherent stories but seeing you write Quackity and Techno friendship makes me want to as well :,] ily Flux ur doing a great service to society /p Sorry abt my incoherency as always I am like a small toddler in the fact that my brain is most active when I should be unconscious

- Saturn 🪐

saturn as per usual your brain is huge and your ideas are amazing;;; you have to write your own fics or im gonna have to steal your ideas (/lh) the public needs to see them theyre very very good

ALSO YES;;;; quackity assigned weak by enemies, but rocking their shit while waiting for techno to show up and like sure yeah ok maybe it wasnt a Great idea to fight your captors but he has to defend his mans honor ok??

after hes rescued technos like “are you ok??” and quackitys like “haha yeah im fine” but hes a little more on edge, stands a little closer to techno, and techno realizes maybe he needs to offer quackity a bit more protection and he marries him bc whod fuck with the crown princes husband jokes on you its another marriage au--

no but i love the idea of techno offering quackity a bit more formal training, with ppl he Trusts and wont judge him or make fun of him and hes like “listen your feral energy, great amazing fantastic, now lets learn how to Channel that into doing some Real Damage” bc we’re self indulgent here and want to give quackity the means to protect himself and others. he gets fancee weapon that was made just for him and spends hours training with it, insisting techno teach him how to use it over and over bc he wants to use it Right and he doesnt want to break it or anything;;;;

i love your ideas so much im LKJDFLKSJDLSKJFJDF <3 <3 <3

[normal-thoughts-official]

Magnus loved putting his hair in feminine hairstyles but Camille humiliated him over it so he cut his hair short and styled iy in masculine hairstyles only. It was decades later that Alec accidentally discovered this and encouraged Magnus to style his hair however he wants to

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally, my first ask with a magnus/malec headcanon! Im so happy i could die

(warning: this will contain discussions of psychological/emotional abuse and queerphobia, particularly biphobia)

but no really like ok i have a lot of thoughts about this actually. because like in the show theres this one picture of Magnus ragnor and Catarina together in what looks like the 1840s (im mainly going by the type of photograph here, but also clothing, and jesus christ im already putting so much research into this somebody stop me), so that's when im assuming they were together

i only have the pic with this writing over it srry

also magnus is almost definitely wearing a corset in here which is driving me insane

anyway, at that time, it was not unusual for men to have long hair even if mens hair was still commonly shorter than women's hair. it was also during that decade that men's fashion in England started to reject frills and colors and become more boring like we know it today (source is the one about fashion above). so when magnus and camille were together, the idea of a man being "too girly" fashion-wise was pretty much being born in western culture. so that brings.... many layers

i tend to think magnus wouldnt really internalise a lot of the "oh you dress like a girl" stuff because 1- i mean hes so comfortable with it, but more importantly 2- he was alive way before these concepts were even born, and he was raised in at least two non-modern-western cultures (indonesian and whatever the fuck kind of culture demons have) where the concept of gender is/was radically different. so he's bound to have a little easier time not believing shit like "oh wearing x is for girls" because hes known different for a long time.

BUT living in an abusive environment and simultaneously a turning point in how gender performance was viewed is bound to fuck you up, too. so i can see camille using that against him, like "cant you see that times are changing? you're gonna lose all respect if you keep dressing like this". we also know that camilles abusive arguments stem a lot from magnus' immortality and the issues he has with it, so this possibly came into play as well - you can't keep up with the times, you're staying behind, soon you'll be an outsider and people will look down on you because of that. so....... yeah, i think camille could have done a big number on him by using that, and his gender presentation as a whole, to make him feel inadequate. i kind of even think that the makeup and the clothing has a little taste of "fuck you camille" yknow, like, hes gonna be who he is and embrace the fact that he doesnt really fit into the western binary. but you can also see ways in which he holds back - for instance, he only wore colorful makeup when he was depressed because of Valentine and in the finale, when he seemed to look actually comfortable in his own skin, happy, and his makeup and accessories were a little bolder and outside the box. so basically - camille using magnus' gender against him and as a way to manipulate him is entirely plausible, and i believe that part of magnus' development in the post-show years are gonna have to do with that, with wearing what he wears less like an armor and more like a form of expression that he has fun with and that feels entirely his. and i think this can present in a lot of ways, like longer hair, less traditional makeup, different clothes. and obviously alec thinks magnus is always the most beautiful person alive and supports his experiments with gender and expression and no one would even dare get nasty about it because if u even think about snickering in magnus' general direction alec will have a blade on ur throat in .2 seconds. also this is giving me some nice images of magnus with braided hair, so what im trying to say is basically bless this ask really.

also this is a little unrelated but i mean, Ive seen so many bi men in abusive relationships with straight girls its impossible to me to not think his sexuality had a huge part on her abuse, possibly even more so than gender, considering how the whole gendered clothing thing was kind of still being established during that time, whereas "sodomy" was a crime punishable by death in england until the 1960s. and this got me thinking - for Camille to be so adamant on the fact that people leave Magnus and die and that he needed her because he could be assured that she wouldn't die on him, that must have been a nerve at the time. he probably had lost someone close recently and was having trouble dealing with it. that's further supported by the whole "magnus nearly jumped off a bridge and Camille talked him out of it" thing. so what im saying is, what if Magnus had lost a friend, or even a lover, to the capital penalty? like that's... very plausible. at that time there were no accords, so he could go around meeting mundanes and getting involved as he pleased, and Magnus probably wasnt all that shy about his sexuality (again, he was raised in environments where that wasnt looked down on), so its entirely plausible he lost someone important to him who was a part of the community, maybe even felt like it was his fault - maybe they got caught together or something and magnus had to fake his death cuz immortal, or maybe he just feels like he should have done something but it was too late, we know magnus is the kind of guy who wants to Protect Everyone - so he was probably hurting a lot, feeling helpless, having just lost someone for being pretty much the same as him, and he meets this woman who keeps talking about how inadequate he is and how people always leave him and how shes the only one he can count on not needing to protect or worry about because shes also immortal and powerful, and shes kind of a ticket to at least pretending to fit into what that culture thought was right, and he was depressed and isolated and- look, its just entirely plausible that his sexuality played a huge part in both making him vulnerable to camilles abuse and giving her ways to hurt him and twist the knife. i kind of plan on exploring that if i ever get around to writing that fic about magnus and his sexuality throughout his life so uh stay tuned i guess

anyway im sorry if that was rambly or incoherent or too long im really tired and im kind of travelling rn so not a lot of tumblr time but i really wanted to answer this. thank you so much for sending me this, it made my day!

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

[thepalegoldmoon]

Answers

so i was asked to answer all of these so here i gooooooo!!!!~… kms… ;u;

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

uhhhhmmm i dont really hold hands cause i over heat and the get clammy easily, so the last person i “held hands”/ linked arms with was actually at Anime Boston with this rad dude Jay, we were cosplaying Keith and Lance from Voltron. it was a good day, but we were tired as fuck.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

kinda both depends on the situation and who im around tbh

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

in general or like famous??? uhhhmmm, if we’re going in general tbh me rad ass mate Jay cause why wouldnt I be looking forward to seeing this kid??? hes literally the best thing or person to see ever, duh! and if were going famous??? uhhhmmm music wise either Panic! At The Disco, TOP, orrrrr maybe a tie between some one from the Hamilton, or Heahters musicals.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

again depends on the situation and people. over all id say yeah in some way.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

uhmmm idk because we’d both probably be shit faced and tumbling over each other screaming, incoherently and laughing our asses off. While simultaneously getting into 20 different fights over cheese, bread, and cats. Then crying about video games and anime. probably in the midst of this we’d be laughing and patting each other’s back telling each other how good of a bro the other is an how we’re gonna take over the world by the sheer brute force of dogs and cats

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

uhhhhmmm i dont really have a type but there’s a guy i like alot whos my dream guy tbh, and to me hes perfect in alot and pretty much every single way. ºuº

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

probably not but its nice to hope and dream c:

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

either rn my friend Casey cause shes in spain this week for vacation or my childhood bestfriend Liz cause her birthday just pasted on april 7th and i havent seen her in years.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

depends on who im with and what exactly kinda stuff were talking about. but im always awkard af with everything so im always uncomftorble.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

mi boi Jay!!~ we tend to get into deep conversation alot. i enjoy it alot tbh hahaha.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

(when i got to this quesion)

 WE WILL BE TRASH GODS!!!~

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

UHMMM pass cause honestly the whole entirety of Heathers and Hamilton pretty much.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

OMFG HELL YEAH I DO!!!!!!!~

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yeah man thats always been something i believe in because i have the most terrible luck but i like to believe miracles have happened in my life.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i started the change in my social life and i got a really rad friend through the beginning phase of it!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

uhmmm ive only done pecks cause im  fucking looser so that was Jay, so hell yeah i would man hahaha! (hes got a kissable face its nice alright, i swear im not this fucking awkward XD) ((and bro i know youll end up reading this. i love ya man!! i hope this isnt too bad lol~))

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

fuck yeah i do bro. i wanna befriend at least one of them tbh.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

not really cause the kid left after 5th grade and i never saw him again,

19. Do you like bubble baths?

fuck yes.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont really talk to them haha.

21. What are you bad habits?

i have alot, talking to much and fighting HARD during a fight, and having the worst timing for smart ass comments, and trying to change things i cant change too much. theres more but thats a good few.

22. Where would you like to travel?

everywhere and anywhere tbh

23. Do you have trust issues?

a bit ive more developed them because of shitty people

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

either shower or the part where i come home and either draw, eat, play video games, get to text my boi, or where i get to sleep.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my nose, the corners of my mouth or my big toes.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

text my friend good morning or get up and play with my mouse for a few minutes

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i enjoy my skin tone but i wish i could tan ith out burning although, ive always wanted to either be albino or see what its like to be darker.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

either Jay, or my friend Casey

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope because i dont talk to them XD

30. Do you ever want to get married?

at some point maybe haha

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

almost but the sides and some of my bangs are just a teeny bit off from making it :u:

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

uhmm not really any tbh theyre all to much older than me

33. Spell your name with your chin.

alyxx/ nyxx

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

ew no but i like swimming and to go on walks for fun

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

thats hard cause i need both for background noise

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

not really, i dont think so

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

something really stupid and half the time really provocative

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

ahhhh hahaha well i dont really know because the guy im crushing on is my dream guy js. and if i were to try and describe him id butcher the amazing and astounding beauty of the real person to be honest

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

ahhhh idk, lush?? and anything with food tbh

40. What do you want to do after high school?

die, or move to salem WITCHever comes first -u0 lol (bad pun i know i know)

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

i belive in ALOT of chances tbh

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

either im tired, extremely sad/depressed, overthinking/ thinking, focusing, thinking how to reply something or im REALLY fucking pissed off at you for something.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

REALLY FUCKING AWKWARDLY AND IN REALLY FUCKING AWKWARD SITUATIONS

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

UHHHHHH BOTH!!!!!~ TF?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

THE INPENDING FEAR AND DOOM OF CRIPPLING ANXIETY IF I MISS THE BUS OR if im hanging out wiht someone that day the motivation of not being alone in my room with myself for the whole day or so hahaha, or a con/ meet up which applies to friends.

46. What are you paranoid about?

AAAHAHAHAHAHA IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION???? fucking everything…

47. Have you ever been high?

yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?

buzzed not drunk

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

uhhh i dont think so im not really very secretive. maybe like PERSONAL shit but no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

a few times

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

uhmmm either eye color and nose Physically.and personality wise i wish i wasnt so stubborn tbh.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

lush is the closest thing to makeup i use hunny

54. Favourite store?

lush

55. Favourite blog?

@thedevilandhisfiddleofgold​ c;

56. Favourite colour?

Blue

57. Favourite food?

uhmmm theres too many to list, all?? except spicy

58. Last thing you ate?

a cracker with nutella on it

59. First thing you ate this morning?

a cinnamon powdered sugar doughnut

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

nope

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Suspending, accused of stealing shitty locker wallpaper panels. THAT I ACCTUALLY FUCKING HADNT ;U;

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love?

YES ;-;

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

never fucking had one kiddies sorry no story time for this one

65. Are you hungry right now?

kinda i want chips

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

uhm my only tumblr friends are friends in real life so not really because how do you like someone more on tumblr than you like them in real life??? not like its impossible its just odd.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

neither tbh, i only use my facebook for my work schedule

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

TUMBLR

69. Are you watching tv right now?

yes i started 13 reasons why

70. Names of your bestfriends?

jay, casey, liz (ranked most to least interaction and tbh who ive talked to most recently, those other two loosers never text me)

71. Craving something? What?

chips, cookies, FOOD, and love, BUT MOSTLY FOOD RN

72. What colour are your towels?

we have mostly white and black towels but theyre all just multicolored

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

(im also counting my stuffed animals as pillows)

at least 11 tbh

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

(refer to last question)

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

9

75. Favourite animal?

wolf, fox, raven, snowleopard, cat, snake (i cant choose)

76. What colour is your underwear?

black like my soul bitch

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

birthday cake or cotton candy/ bubblegum

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black

80. What colour pants?

dark grey

81. Favourite tv show?

uhmmmm Voltron or steven universe

82. Favourite movie?

heathers and the crow

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

havent seen the second one (refer to previous question)

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

the lebanese chick and the gay guy that were friends with lindsay lohan’s character

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

thats a hard question cause i love them all ;-;

87. First person you talked to today?

Jay (and caiden???) i sent a message to a group chat right after i woke up, i was pointed at Jay but theyre both in that chat

88. Last person you talked to today?

same chat

89. Name a person you hate?

ahha ahhahaha hahahaha, mmmmm theres alot 

90. Name a person you love?

Jay, Casey, my pets

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

better question… is there not????

92. In a fight with someone?

i dont think so but im aboutabe casue they wont give me times on if theyre coming tomorrow or not ;-;

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

2 and a pair of sweat pants i made into shorts

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

hehehe at least 6 or 7. tbh my attack on titan one has been issing for a while and it makes me sad

95. Last movie you watched?

heathers, im not saying the technical last one cause it was gross as fuck and doe not count as a movie to me

96. Favourite actress?

ehhh hellena bonham carter

97. Favourite actor?

johnny depp

98. Do you tan a lot?

not really cause i burn and im afraid of getting skin cancer

99. Have any pets?

2 guinea PIGS and a mouse

100. How are you feeling?

alright kinda missing my friends and also kind anxious

101. Do you type fast?

depends on my mood, what im typing on,  and about

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

so.. many… things…

103. Can you spell well?

fairly decently i think, average nothing over the top but i try haha

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

ehhh Liz and my friend Julia from Germany she was cool.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

nope

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

there was a girl named shannon who was all over me and head over heels for me, she mightve been a taurus. she tried to use some serious mental shit to try and get me to stay. i told her to seek professional help and not me.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

nope

108. What should you be doing?

a 10 page paper and finishing final fantasy, and getting more loot boxes in overwatch

109. Is something irritating you right now?

not really knowing what to do with my senior paper, shop friends, being alone, and not having enough hours in the day and always being fucking tired.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yes, i do right now, tbh, but its cool

111. Do you have trust issues?

this was already asked. slightly it depends on the person

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

no one, mentally and close to physiccally jay and caiden, but im always mentally crying. i dont physically cry if i do youre special, im not that soft.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Ash

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

i was born in pittsburgh, pa. i lived in townsend, ma and i just recently moved to pepperrel, ma.

115. Do you play the Wii?

not any more

116. Are you listening to music right now?

not really

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YAS

119. Favourite book?

how to make the perfect boy?? (its something like that) i also really enjoyed mrs. perigrines home for peculiar children.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

im afraid of what might be in it

121. Are you mean?

i can be

122. Is cheating ever okay?

ew not wtf

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

probably not

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

kinda but only to an extent

125. Do you believe in true love?

again kinda but only to an extent tbh

126. Are you currently bored?

a bit

127. What makes you happy?

chilling with jay, playing wiht my animal or sleeping 

128. Would you change your name?

i want to, im trying to get Alyxx as my name hahah but i have a genius way to keep ASH

129. What your zodiac sign?

GEMINI BIATCH!!!!~

130. Do you like subway?

yeah its alright

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

uhhhh hahah i already dated my childhood bestfriend. Liz was chill but id kindly turn her down

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

already answered this up top, but Jay

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

hmmmm i have too many tbh, id love to put one here but i cant think of a good one atm sorry my dudes

134. Can you count to one million?

maybe but im to lazy to fam

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

hahaha ive told too many to put those down

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

CLOSED OMFG NO #TRIGGERED

137. How tall are you?

5′5.25″ ( THAT QUARTER IS IMPORTANT ;u;, believe it or not i had=ve alot of friends that are taller than me)

138. Curly or Straight hair?

wavy-ish

139. Brunette or Blonde?

i myself am a “brunette”

140. Summer or Winter?

kinda both

141. Night or Day?

ehh more night but i enjoy both

142. Favourite month?

either, October, November, December, and i actually am not a fan of my birth month may haha

143. Are you a vegetarian?

nope but ive thought about becoming one to cleanse and to get in better shape kinda reasons

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk and white

145. Tea or Coffee?

both

146. Was today a good day?

ehhh kinda

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers but i wanna try a mars bar

148. What’s your favourite quote?

hahah either

“ another fucking heather! -sighs- Our love is god let’s go get a slushie!”

-JD “Heathers”

( i relate most to the heather part tbh)

  “ill hook ‘em…” “..and ill cook ‘em!”

-Roadhog and Junkrat “Overwatch”

( YEAH I KNOW IM TRASH BUT ITS A PRECIOUS QUOTE BETWEEN TO REALLY GOOD BEST MATES OKAY!!!??)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

WHOLE HEARTEDLY, IVE SEEN THEM, IVE FELT THEM, IVE HEARD THEM, TALKED TO THEM, I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM AND THEY ARE KINDA SLIGHTLY TERRIFYING BUT I LOVE THEM!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“WOW MAGNUS, you’re probably thinking. That was… stupid!” 

Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard