#sorry if it looks weird i really wanted to draw smth but im still kinda dizzy

[linabirb]

here they are.. they're very tiny

[penguin--person]

silly question but: does wolf alík look any different from a regular wolf? when she's fully transformed, is there anything that sets her apart, or does she just look like an average, straight up wolf?

ty for asking this actually!!! i think about this a bunch, like, what human traits alík keeps, if she can bark/howl, if a pack of wolves would accept her, etc !!! ill talk about this under cut bc its like . idk? im not sure if this is body horror ? like its not just her being a wolf , its her being a messed up wolf .. uncanny wolf up ahead!! + some blood but not that much.. also warning ur getting a much longer answer than you were probs asking for lol

so i made a little image getting into details about her mutation just now, But i do first want to show off this art that my friend blazy (@/mothssmeat - go check his art out its super swag!!!) made of her for artfight last year !! He Gets Her he gets her wolfness he gets it

check out the speedpaint !! blazy's sooo niceys for drawing such an awesome alík art ... its So good . do you see how her nose is turning into one of a wolf? but so painfully ?? so slowly that its just !! how shes tearing up, blood around her ?? god . like God. oh my goddd . and her fur !! how its growing in patches around her body, starting like wild from her head, her eyebrows combined, just like !! its growing around like mold and i find that really cool .. hehe sorry just had to fangirl about this art ofher . i dont get the chance oftne . anyway. in a more professional manner: god sorry i cant yet . oh my fucking goddd . oh my GOD !!!! just look at that . what is that thing!!! dear god!!! ok. im normal now (lying ).

look at her hands and feet. human joints should not be like that, and wolf paws do not look like that. her claws.. god just look at them. blazys art explains alíks messed up wolf situation far better than i ever could. her ears, too, are just... god, look at them!! i have to move on from this art or ill just keep saying "look at it!!" but, well. Look at it.

some of my own alík wolf art:) the first one is when shes fully transformed, but also the first ever art i did of her like that, so take it with a grain of salt, but still take it. the second is her like... in her metamorphisis era - my internet connection is kinda MEAN and EVIL right now so i can't add them rn .. ill either rb with them later or edit them into the post. for now i just put links to the images :( sorry! plus the mentioned image from before. now Onto serious business

something that alík always has, no matter form, is her human eyes - but they're not really human! their colouration is one of a wolf's, and her eyesight is also almost as good as that of one. this is messed up when she's in full wolf mode, because its really.. just, weird. can you imagine looking at a dog with human eyes? a cat? a cow? no!! because its weird!!!! shes a FREAK!! (affectionate)

another weirdo thing about her face is her teeth. hes got canine teeth, no doubt about it, but i do think she has a bit more teeth than she should have.. maybe three more... ? two more? i think the amount of teeth is not equivalent with neither the amount humans should have nor the amount wolves should have.. like 38 or smth. this doesn't change in her transformation, but her jaw and gums do! it hurts! Ouchies! it also shifts her teeth around.. tbh i wouldnt be surprised if she lost a tooth or two transforming sometime.

as you may have noticed, alík has most of her fur on her head! this is because of hair! she has a big ol' tuft of fur on her head when she's in wolf mode and it makes her look silly. depending on how far along in transition they are, their fur is like... its in blotches over their body. a tuft here, a tuft there, no fur at all someplace else... her spine gets covered in fur first. bc its like !! hair to tail:)

her limbs are weird, too. her arms are more humanoid than her legs - my friend mikey @/monstertsunami shows this wonderfully in his art of alík and their gf idk who she is i heard shes some kind of loser? ermmm what the freak🔥

oh wow it let me add an image that time Awesome!!! anyway, you can see how her feet are pretty pawsome, huh?? shes got pawpads - is that what its called for wolves? i cant find info :( - and her joints are more.. like, look at how she's standing! her ankles! everybody say thank you mikey... !!! this stays in her wolf form, in a way

in the 'mentioned image' from before, you can see - ifyou can read my handwriting lol - that there's text around her feet/paws (peets...) that says 'human hands - fucked up paws'. in the linked image 'first one' , you can see her fucked up wolf hands more clearly! thats something that ive kept. i think she could grab you, even as a wolf. she keeps her thumbs. even if they dont work as well. this makes running as a wolf difficult for her, because her fingers are very much in the way !! herr back feet are more wolf-like in her wolf mode, even twisting her hips to work better !! opposite goes for her hands, though - her arms, like.. theyre not good for wolves ! her elbow is forced into a shitty position, her shoulders are.. bad...

and, as mentioned, her nose is fucked up. the smell of blood is an intimate friend of hers 💥it like.. god, her face goes through So Much. her skull gets absolutely , like ... goddd shes definetely broken bones transforming before... her nose is like, stretched out ? idk how to explain it .. its like if you used the 'free transform' tool on it

in short, id say theres a few main things that set alík apart from a regular wolf:

human eyes

human hands (sometimes covered in fur)

teeth

body isn't always fully covered in fur (its not easy for his body to bust out ten thousand fur strands all over his body, ya know? needs resources for that to happen)

movement (can't run as well, vocal cords arent probs in the best state after her neck fucking... look at it)

smell. she smells weird. oyou dont care about that but wolves would i think

then there's like, little basic anatomy stuff, like she will Never have the proper body of a wolf . maybe if she was like, for a year as a wolf, or two, or maybe even fine her body would be like Ok were wolf now . and her bones would settle ... but this is a question of years and time she does not have. her lifespan is also all kinds of fucked up. if she wasnt being experimented on evey day of her life ever, she'd probs live until her 40s? maybe late 40s if she had a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE filled with JOY and WHIMSY!!!! but i think now she'll die like, in her pafl au, i dont think she'll make it to 35.. sad! ouppy gone

also im working on an alík thing .. + the other two .. but also alík

CANINE GIRL coming to YOUR THEATRES in SOON!!!! hehe... im not making a song thats like too much for me. i can only make music that soundgs good to me idk how to make music that others would find tolerable .. my blessing .. teehee .. ill make alík like, a page, like the tptm girls have .. nina and nastya too:) nastyas mockup page is done.. but im not showing!!! you get a sneakpeak of the text tho . ty for the ask ❤️im surprised its letting me add images now . wifis been weird all day .. u also get to see a wip of her display sona

idk what her name would be . superlative girl ? unrivalled ? irrelevant ? victorious ? precious ? vote in the comments down below!!!Ninas will be some shit like. unknown girl. apathy girl. etc ... i havent gotten to alíks display sona yet but you KNOW shes ouppy!!!!

okieee‼️‼️‼️thats it . hope ur ok with me sharing the tptm stuff .... ❤️❤️💥💥💥ty again for the ask !!!

[natsmagi]

hello !! yet another different anon, but just wanted to share this while we’re on the topic of self-criticism - hopefully this doesn’t come off as patronizing, it’s just smth i’ve found helps me as an artist and hopefully it’ll help u :D

i think it’s rlly important to view old art more from the perspective of the feelings u had making it rather than the actual content of the art itself. sure, ur artistic skills have improved a lot over the years, and maybe when ur looking back at ur older work u see a lot of flaws in it - weird anatomy, bad lighting, articles of clothing that don’t make sense, etc (not saying ur old art has any of these i’m just listing examples i’ve had in my own lol) - but u had fun making it !! it’s a drawing of something u loved and still love, and it served its purpose as an outlet to express that love. when people go back and like those old drawings, they’re not seeing it for its flaws - they’re seeing it for the love it represents, a love they probably feel themselves. while it’s good to critique ur own work to some extent for the sake of improvement, people liking ur old stuff is far from cringe-worthy! it’s just someone enjoying something u once enjoyed too, like an internet happiness hand-me-down :)

again, this sort of mindset has rlly helped me personally - i don’t feel as nervous about drawing or posting, bc im just having fun !! it’s ok if it’s kind of janky or has weird details, it was made with love and people can see and appreciate that. nobody ever stops improving or seeing flaws in their work, so its best to focus more on the joy it gave u and push urself towards improvement with the promise of even more joy rather than forcing urself to improve under the threat of feeling ashamed of ur creations

hopefully all of this makes sense i kind of have the shakes rn lol. sorry for the super long ask, i just dont rlly know how to explain all of this in a short way-

hope u are having a fantastic day full of pretty girls !!!!

omg no worries at all!! your message read as very sweet so please dont stress urself out over how u came across!!

AND I DEFINITELY AGREE!! tbh its a mindset i tend to have, but i think where ive lacked is definitely in applying the "im just doing it for fun" logic to past me. i tend to be someone who very much lives in the present and have a bit of a disconnect both from the past and the future, and this can cause me to totally disregard everything about my past self and past work LOL. so honestly having all this put into words has kinda been an "OHH RIGHT" moment for me KASJHFJAHSDKJ

theres also the factor of my audience being bigger now........ im not really someone who likes having alot of eyes on me for various reasons, which sometimes causes me to waver a bit AKJSHFKJH THOUGH ITS NOT THAT BAD. i think most of my shyness comes from having artists i really admire now see my art and im like "FUCK IC ANT HAVE IT LOOK BAD WHAT IF THEY SEE" which can cause me to overthink things But also i tend to forget that those people even follow me 80% of the time. tbh all of my "insecurities" in regards to my art are purely circumstantial and only really present themselves if im in a flustered state, but a large portion of the time im just chilling KJAHSFJKHK

i do also wanna say tho that i think the viewing all art as coming from a place of love sentiment is very sweet........ esp bc in the beginning one of the compliments i got the most was along the lines of "your love for the characters really shines through!!" so to think that, in spite of potential quality, that love is still visibly present makes me very happy.......... Perhaps if u have genuine love for what u do itll shine through no matter what

[mercy-burning]

Move This Along

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After months of waiting, Spencer decides he finally wants to have sex with Reader. Category: SMUT (18+) Warnings: Language, sex (oral sex- female receiving, virgin!Spence, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie) Word Count: 5.6k

Full Request: “...so a smutty oneshot with like virgin!spencer but im talkling like baby spence. and hes super blushy and cute but then when it happens its rlly raunchy and therws a lot of dirty talk. and like reader doesnt work at the bau but theyre close friends. and like she goes out to a bar with him and the team and they tease him so then she takes him home and literally fucks him after a movie or smth idk...” — @mggscumrag

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to do this, but once I did, it came out so quickly! I hope it’s to your liking 🥰

***

The first time she went out to meet Elle's friends from work, Y/N found herself absolutely nervous, and she wasn't sure why. She was always great with meeting new people, but for some reason, the prospect of meeting her next-door neighbor's co-workers seemed to really do a number on her.

She remembers how anxious she'd been, constantly worrying that they wouldn't like her, not to mention they were all probably super smart and strong and intimidating, just like Elle. Anyone who aided in putting away serial killers, rapists, and other monsters had to be just about the most intimidating personality there ever was.

But as Y/N soon learned, that wasn't quite the case at all.

To be fair, they were all intimidating in their own little ways, though it was really easy to forget about that when she was laughing with them, sharing drinks and stories, and exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch.

That's how she and Spencer had come to be good friends. Despite how obviously shy he was whenever they saw each other, the two of them managed to have conversations on just about everything. It usually happened that he talked and she listened to whatever he was teaching her, but she'd always add on the occasional, "Wow, I didn't know that," or "That's really fascinating." All of which she could tell he was surprised at and appreciated.

And since the first time they met at Elle's birthday party, the night she met the whole team for the first time, they'd been practically inseparable. While Y/N was good friends with the whole team, save for Gideon, who always seemed to like it better by himself, her relationship with Spencer seemed to even surpass the bond she'd built with her neighbor-slash-best friend.

Elle even told her as much one Saturday night, as the two of them were driving to the bar to meet up with everyone for a few drinks.

She'd mentioned it as a joke, but Y/N was instantly apologetic.

Elle only laughed. "Don't apologize. Actually, I think it's good that Reid has another friend outside of work. You're good for him. And you know, I think he has a little crush on you."

Warmth rushed to Y/N's cheeks, and she tried to hide it but failed miserably, causing Elle to give her a knowing smile. "Y—You don't know what you're talking about, Elle, it's not like that."

"Oh come on, it totally is. You give him the light of day when no one else does, he talks about you all the time, and everyone at work knows it."

She paused. "They... do?"

"Of course they do, we're all profilers, but it doesn't take one to see how obsessed that boy is with you. I think you should go for it."

Y/N would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about asking him out. But in the end she had always figured it was a little weird, being that she was friends with all his and Elle's co-workers and she'd kinda been adopted into their family of sorts. But hearing what her neighbor was saying... She started to think differently about it.

"You really think so?"

Elle nodded. "Absolutely."'

"Okay," she replied with an excited smile. "Maybe I will, then."

A week later and the two of them started dating. Y/N always thinks back to the first few weeks of their relationship, how adorably shy and blush-prone Spencer was, even after they'd been together for some time. They spent almost all their free time together, and it still seemed like he was nervous to be around her. He'd assured her on multiple occasions that that wasn't the case, but Y/N still wondered why he hadn't fully warmed up to being around her.

Especially in public. Oh, in public it was worse. Y/N clung to his arm, and his face immediately got red. What confused her the most, though, was that every time she pulled away to make him more comfortable, he pulled her back in, seemingly desperate to feel her warmth.

In the end she and Spencer had grown to develop their own little communication system for public settings, something to let the other know when something was really wrong, and when to ask if the other was comfortable.

One night everyone was meeting after a rough case somewhere in Denver, and Y/N offered to buy everyone drinks once Spencer had called to tell her they were all back. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to do that, but it had been a while, so everyone was quick to except. Well, mostly everyone— Gideon as per usual went his separate way, and Hotch was eager to get home and see his family.

Y/N was waiting for them at their favorite bar downtown when she heard a loud squeal that sounded a lot like her name. Sure enough, it was easy to spot a very yellow-clad Penelope Garcia headed straight towards her with her arms stretched out for a hug when she turned around. The smile she adorned was instantaneous as her arms came out a well, embracing Penelope with a large hug that almost knocked the wind out of her.

"I missed you!" she exclaimed, still hugging Y/N and swaying them back and forth a little. "I mean, I know I don't ever travel with the team, but because of that we should hang out more."

"Next time I need some company, I know who to call."

Y/N spotted Spencer then, behind Penelope and patiently waiting for a greeting. She smiled at him and whispered, "Hi," to which Penelope must have heard.

She quickly released her from their embrace and stepped out of the way. "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from your boy wonder."

She laughed as she transferred from Penelope's arms to Spencer's. He muttered a little, "Hi," into her hair as she squeezed him and shoved her face into his neck. If she had to bet, he was probably red as a tomato right now with how close her mouth was to his neck—it was his weakness and she knew it. And just to tease him a little bit she quickly kissed up his neck, his jaw, and placed a decent peck on his lips before pulling away and grabbing his hand.

Despite the shy smile and the blush adorning his cheeks, he squeezed her hand tight and kept her at his side like they would die if they weren't touching at all times.

Everyone gave little greetings to Y/N as they all made their way to a large booth near the back. Y/N was sitting on one side with Elle to her right and Spencer to her left, while Derek, Penelope, and JJ sat across from them. Y/N got them all their preferred drinks, and a beer for herself, which Spencer couldn't help but find oddly attractive.

He glanced over at her as she took swigs from the bottle as the night progressed, and for whatever reason the sight made his insides all warm and tingly. And when she used her unoccupied hand to grab his under the table, rubbing gentle circles over the inside of his palm with her thumb, he'd never felt more in love with another person. He wasn't even drinking any alcohol, yet his head swam and his heart soared all the same, every bone in his body humming with euphoria at just the mere thought of her.

He must have been staring a little too obviously, because Derek kicked his leg under the table, pulling him from the lovesick daydream he never wanted to leave.

"I can't tell if those are cute ol' puppy dog eyes or bedroom eyes," Derek laughed, and everyone laughed right alongside him.

"Oh, stop it," Penelope said, swatting his arm. "He's obviously just very in love with her, what more could you need to know?"

"Oh, come on, tell me you're not curious to know how they... operate."

She smacked him harder this time, and everyone laughed.

Knowing her boyfriend didn't really care for the spotlight, especially when it came to their relationship, Y/N squeezed Spencer's hand under the table in reassurance. She drew a question mark in his palm, their signal for, "Are you uncomfortable?" And he responded by drawing an "X" in her palm, their answer for, "No." She laced their fingers together then, and set her beer down.

"Morgan, our sex life isn't any of your business," she stated simply.

Spencer felt his stomach churn at the sentence, if only because said sex life was, as of late, non-existent.

He and Y/N had made out a lot, sure, but the one time they did try having sex, he made it about ten seconds being inside of her before he finished, and since then he'd been kind of embarrassed about it. They only ever made out since then, because before it ever got that far he stopped it, nervous that he'd disappoint her.

And now his non-existent sex life was the topic of conversation, and if anyone picked up on it, he would have felt worse about the whole thing.

So, he didn't stop himself from speaking. "But if you must know, it's great."

Y/N's hand tensed up in his, and she looked over at him, shock marinating in her eyes. To anyone else it would have looked like she was surprised he'd even bring it up, but he knew she was most likely more curious to know why he'd lied about it.

Their friends laughed regardless, Elle adding a curious and joking, "Care to elaborate?"

Ready to change the subject, Spencer shook his head. "Nope."

"Yeah, actually I think we're gonna head out early," Y/N added. Spencer was suddenly worried he'd made her upset, but she rubbed gentle circles into his hand that reassured him everything was okay.

He got out of the booth and Y/N followed, as their friends grumbled.

"Oh, come on, we didn't mean to embarrass you guys," Derek said.

"No, that's not it," Y/N said as she threw on a light jacket. "You just reminded me how much I'd like to operate with my boyfriend since I haven't seen him in a few days, so we're leaving. Have a good night."

Spencer felt searing heat rise to his cheeks as he turned around and ushered Y/N out the door, accompanied by low whistles and claps from their friends.

***

The two of them were sitting on the couch now, Y/N having just set down a couple classes of water.

"Sorry if you wanted to stay," she said quietly, playing with her thumbs. "You know we don't... actually have to operate if you don't want, obviously, I was just looking for something to say..."

"Oh, Y/N, I know. Don't worry about it. Really, I... I was the one who even brought it up, I should have just let you handle it."

She looked up at him with a small smile. "Why.. did you bring it up anyway?"

"Well, I... I guess I just felt embarrassed. And I know what we do together isn't any of their business, but I was just... I really was thinking about how much I love you, and when Morgan brought it up, I felt like I wasn't... living up? To your expectations? I don't..." He sighed, unsure how to properly articulate how he was feeling. "I don't know. I just thought about the last time we tried having sex, and I felt embarrassed about it, that's all."

"Oh, honey," Y/N cooed, scooting closer to him and bringing her hand up to brush some of the hair from his face. "You know, you... don't have anything to prove, right? I know how much you love me, and you don't need to be having sex with me to show me, I hope you know that."

Still, he couldn't bring himself to look at her face. "I do," he choked out, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Y/N's tongue clicked, and she leaned into him, wrapping one of her arms around his neck and placing the other across his lap. She held him tight and kissed the side of his head. "Don't you ever be sorry, unless you cheat on me. Then there will be something to be sorry about."

He laughed at her joke, turning his head to brush his nose against hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered, giving him the lightest of kisses on the lips.

When she pulled away, he leaned in again, kissing her a little harder, and she gladly reciprocated. With every passing second, all of his worries started to melt away like the snow to her sunshine. Within every kiss was an emanation of outpouring love and comfort that warmed his soul and gave him the confidence to try something bold.

His hands threaded through her hair as he drew her in closer, and instinctively, she climbed over his lap, resting her hands on his shoulders as he gently probed her mouth with his tongue. The sound of her sigh as she opened up to him and allowed him to fully explore her mouth with his made his stomach bubble and tense.

This would be about the time where he'd stop, telling Y/N that they should slow down, and she'd sweetly oblige and stay cuddled into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

But tonight he didn't want that.

Tonight he wanted more.

While one of his hands remained in her hair, gently massaging her scalp, the other snaked down to her lower back. He gently slid his fingers under the fabric of her shirt and pressed his palm flat against her, pulling her closer to him with a desperation that both shocked and excited her.

Deciding to test the waters, Y/N rolled her hips, feeling him jump slightly underneath her, followed by a whine that vibrated her mouth and sent a low hum of pressure through her stomach.

Still, she pulled away.

Well... She tried to.

When she pulled her face away from him, Spencer used the hand in her hair to bring her back, tilting his head in the other direction and continuing to kiss her with enough passion for the both of them. And it didn't help that the sound she made when he did it spurred him on. She whimpered loudly into his mouth, and the hand on her back involuntarily slid down to grab her ass.

"Hey," she managed to get out when he pulled away momentarily for air. "Hey, you don't... We don't have to really do this if you don't want. I—I don't want you to think that what happened earlier means we have to have sex."

"Y/N..." His hand gently kneaded her ass, and against her better judgement, she rolled her hips again, sighing out against his lips. "I don't want to put it off any longer... Really, I... I want to. I want to show you how much I love you."

She kissed him softly again, bringing both of her hands up to cradle his face. "You already do. Every day."

She was giving him an out, and Spencer appreciated it. But with the way his insides were practically melting away at her presence, he knew more than anything that this was what he wanted.

"I know," he said. "But if you don't mind, today I'd like to show you a little extra." And then he kissed her deeply again.

Her hands tightened on his face, right before they slid up and through his hair. She gently tugged at it, and he let out one of the most delicious sounds she'd ever heard. For future reference, she relished in that sound, in that feeling, and made a mental note to try it out some more when they got further along in their sexual path.

But tonight, she would let him call the shots. He was finally ready to try it again, and seeing how confident he grew in his touches and kisses when she submitted to him, it was the simplest decision.

So she remained on his lap until he made another move, encouraging him with whimpers and languid rolls of her hips against his. Her hands grew frenzied in his hair when he dipped his hand past the waistband of her jeans and underwear, sticking his fingers in only about a knuckle deep. The warmth of his hands against her bare skin sent shivers down her spine, which she let show by involuntarily grinding down on his lap.

Spencer groaned deeply more than whined this time, his grip on her hands gripping tighter to her backside. He forced himself to remove his mouth from hers long enough to breathe out, "Bedroom. Please."

As much as Y/N didn't want to get off of his lap, she knew that what waited for her in the bedroom would be worth the momentary loss of complete physical contact. So she peeled herself away from her boyfriend, grabbing him by the hand, and lead him to her bedroom.

Once the door was closed, he was on her again, caging her face between his large hands and capturing her lips in another heated kiss. They moved backwards until she hit her back against the door, and the second their movement stopped, Spencer used their standing position to press his full body weight into her, their legs tangling together.

Meanwhile, Y/N was trying to figure out where to put her hands. She wanted to brace them on his chest, but it was pressed tightly against hers. So they wandered over his back, but she couldn't decide whether to place them under his shirt or on his butt. Or maybe she wanted to grip his arms to feel the veins as they strained against his skin from holding her face. The possibilities were quite endless.

So endless that they were even surprising—Spencer noticed her wandering hands and promptly decided to place them where he wanted, which was apparently above her head. He removed his hands from her face and pinned her wrists to the door above her head, and she huffed a breath as he pulled away to speak.

"Is this okay? I wasn't too... too rough?"

The concern swimming in his lust-filled eyes drew a little whimper from her throat as she struggled to find the right words. But finally, she settled on, "That was so fucking hot..."

Relief flashed over his gaze right before he grinned. His fingers flexed against her wrists, and even though she couldn't see them, she could imagine how it looked. And it really was fucking hot.

Seeing the expression on her face, Spencer leaned forward again and kissed her one last time. Their lips moved together hungrily, dancing in perfect synchronization, the music being the frantic beating of their hearts.

And then he started to trail his kisses down her jaw and neck, keeping her hands firmly pinned to the door. Usually she was the one to explore his neck with her tongue and teeth, but this time he wanted to try it for himself. Mirroring what he'd felt her do to him hundreds of times over, he soaked in every single sound she made, from the little whimpers of pleasure to the soft, choked whispers of his name dancing over her lips. And when her hips canted forward, searching for any kind of friction, he decided to grant it to her.

As his kisses moved down along her collarbone, his hands gently slid down with him, over her arms and then down to the bottom of her shirt as he kneeled in front of her. He lifted the shirt slowly, each new inch of exposed skin being met with soft kisses until it reached her breasts. He reached up to palm them over her bra while he trailed his kisses downward again.

Even though she was wearing jeans, he pressed kisses to her legs anyway. She squirmed under his touch, and the feeling made his heart soar.

"Please, Spence," she huffed, bringing her hands down to lay overtop of his. She felt the tendons and veins in his hands as they squeezed her, and with everything she had, she tried not to beg him to use them in more interesting places. She wanted to let him take his time, to be a vessel for his exploration, but it was growing harder every second to be patient.

Thankfully he seemed to get what she was feeling, because his hands slid out from under her shirt and rested at her jeans. "Can I take these off?"

The fact that he even asked when she so clearly begged him to do it made her heart swell. "Please do," she chuckled, though it turned into a choked sigh when his fingers actually started undoing the button. And at the sound of her zipper going down, she could have come undone right there.

He pulled her jeans down slowly and helped her step out of them. And she thought maybe he'd take the next step and do the same with her underwear, but he opted to use his mouth instead.

With gentle kisses, he traced the hem of the fabric all the way to either side of her waist. And then he looked up at her with curious eyes and shifted his face, pressing his nose right up against where her clit would be. Her hands immediately went to his hair, but he grabbed her wrists again and laid them at her sides. "Do you want me to move this along?" His voice wasn't teasing as much as it was genuine curiosity.

Still, Y/N resisted the urge to tell him yes. "I—I want you to do whatever feels right. Tonight's... about you. What you want."

"Well, what I want is to make you feel good. So, again... Do you want me to move this along?"

Every time his lips moved, they brushed up against where she desperately wanted him. And it was killing her. So, she nodded vigorously. "Yes, please," she whispered.

And with that, Spencer released her hands and used his fingers to gently rub her over the fabric. The contact made her shiver visibly, and he took that as a good sign. So he wasted no more time and replaced his fingers with his tongue, fluttering his eyes closed at the taste of her. And he knew that once the thin fabric was gone it would be stronger, but even then he was thoroughly wrecked.

He kept lapping his tongue over her, feeling her panties get wetter with ever second, and he only finally removed them when she started grinding her hips closer to his face, desperate for more.

When he did finally bring his tongue to fully taste her for the first time, they both let out the filthiest sounds, months and months of build-up starting to come to a head. He tasted her like he would an ice cream cone, and for the first few moments his eyes remained closed, all his focus on this brand new sensation. But he wanted nothing more than to see her react to him. So he opened his eyes and continued his ministrations, pupils blowing wide at the sight of her above him.

She was panting, her mouth hung open and her tongue just barely peeking out over her bottom lip. Her eyes remained shut, though Spencer could tell she was struggling to open them. With a tentative flick of his tongue over her clit, he took notice of the little gasp she made, and he knew he'd found it. So he repeated his action, providing small kitten licks to her clit as she picked up her breathing and clenched her hands at her sides.

He picked up the pace then, taking note of every little thing that made her cry out or jump with pleasure until she was clutching his hair. He was sucking on her clit now, his middle finger gently sliding in and out of her when she spoke.

"Oh, fuck, keep doing that. I'm... I'm almost..."

He felt her tighten around his finger as she started careening off the edge, and he did his best to keep his eyes on her face, because it had practically been haunting him, wondering what it would be like to see her come undone at his mercy.

To say it was better than he could have ever dreamed was a severe understatement.

Y/N's head leaned back against the door, her chin jutted out so he could see the beautiful contours of her chin and neck. He saw her throat contract as she moaned out his name, saw her chest heave as she struggled to catch her breath, and best of all, he felt her flutter around his finger and mouth. And if that was high inducing, he couldn't wait to feel wat it would be like to replace them with something else.

The mere thought had him trembling.

He pulled back when she huffed out an over-stimulated, "Okay, please, please stop, oh..."

Though it could just as easily have been a painful sentiment, the hungry, dazed look in her eye suggested otherwise.

Spencer stood up and brought his finger to his mouth, still caught up in her taste before she ripped his wrist away and kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair and moaning into his mouth.

Before he could get lost in it, though, she pulled away and nodded. "Okay. I think you're wearing too many clothes."

He tilted his head down in a little flush, and with the help of Y/N, his shirt peeled away from his body and joined her pants and underwear on the floor.

Y/N mirrored his actions, kissing gently down his jaw, neck, and then down his torso. Her hands wandered his bare back as she sunk to her knees. But when her hands moved to his belt, he stopped her.

"W—wait."

She peeled her hands away and looked up at him. "Are you okay? Do you want to slow down?"

He visibly swallowed, and she could read that look on his face that he got whenever he was embarrassed to tell her something. "N—no, I... I want... the opposite, actually."

"I don't follow..."

"Well, I know that... if you return the favor, I won't last very long, a—and I... I don't want to wait anymore."

Y/N smiled, standing again and bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. "So you're saying you... want me to move this along?"

Spencer smiled at her recollection of his words. "Yes, please."

They travelled to the bed then, Y/N taking off her shirt and bra when they got there, and leaving her completely bare to him. She sat down and reached for his belt, looking up at him as he stood.

"I'm clean and on birth control, do you still want to use a condom? I have some in my table drawer."

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "As long as you're sure."

Y/N undid his belt quickly and threw it to the side, making work of his button and zipper with a smile. "Oh I'm so sure..."

The way she said it made his dick twitch, images running through his mind of how it would look seeing her filled and dripping with—

Her hand was palming him through his underwear now, and it was all he could think about. He had already been hard before, but now it was tilting on the precipice of painful pleasure. So he stopped her, taking a deep breath.

"Lay down?"

"However you want me," Y/N answered, positioning herself on the bed so she was leaning back, her head nicely laid out on the pillows.

Spencer swallowed and removed his underwear before climbing on the bed and kneeling over her. Her legs were already wide, feet flat on either side of him as he positioned himself and got ready.

She reached out and gently grabbed his forearm, a gentle smile on her face. "You ready?"

"Mhm," he answered with a curt nod, bringing himself forward to run the head of his dick through her wetness. They both sighed at the feeling, and Spencer knew he was in trouble.

It was finally happening, he was getting another chance to have sex with her, and if he didn't last long again, he was going to—

"I love you," Y/N said reassuringly, rubbing circles into the hand that rested on the inside of her thigh.

He looked into her eyes and saw that love radiating from them. It warmed his insides and gave him the confidence he needed to finally, slowly push into her as he whispered, "I love you, too."

Once he was fully sheathed inside her, he let out a large breath, leaning down to brace his arms on either side of her head. The pressure of her clenched around him was overwhelming in the best way possible, and he never wanted to move.

But he had to.

She stroked his hair, pressing soft kisses all over his face, and whispered, "I love you."

With those three words, Spencer had the courage to pull back and then forward again, testing the waters and more accurately, his limits. He picked up a slow pace that burned him from the inside out, every muscle and vein in his body on fire with the knowledge that he was finally, properly making love to the woman he was pretty sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But he was holding back. Y/N could tell. He glided through her with ease, sure, but his eyes were squeezed shut like he was concentrating, like he was pacing himself and trying to hold on to this feeling.

She moved her hands down to his back and lightly ran her fingernails over the skin, feeling him tremble under her touch.

"You feel so good, Spence," she whispered. "So perfect for me..."

The words made his hips stutter just a little, and Y/N knew then what the hesitation was.

He wanted to go faster.

So she moved her fingers lower, cupping his ass and scratching featherlight circles into the skin as she moaned. "You like when I talk to you, baby? Does hearing my voice help you out?"

Spencer choked out a groan as he opened his eyes and saw how feral she looked. Her pupils were blown wide, her mouth was pouted cutely, and she smiled as soon as she saw him bite his lip.

"You wanna go faster?" she cooed, digging her fingernails a little harder into the flesh of his ass. "Hmm?"

"F—fuck, Y/N... I..."

"You fuck me however you need to, baby. Don't hold back. Just let it all out."

He groaned out then, his hips picking up speed. She felt the relief and the tension rolling off his body as he finally gave into his urges, and it was just about the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed.

"That's it, baby... Don't stop... Give it to me, let me feel you..."

He leaned down and kissed her then, pumping into her harder and harder with every second. She moaned out against his mouth, swallowing all his breaths and grunts. Meanwhile her fingers gripped his ass harder, relishing in the feeling of his muscles as they aided in fucking her.

His mouth pulled away as he shoved his face into her neck, and she sighed. "You're doing so good, baby. Fuck... " His hips kept moving, and she clenched around him hard, hoping to gauge his reaction.

Sure enough, he groaned against her neck and canted his hips harder. Every thrust forward now was so deep he hit her g-spot, and the sensation made her sigh with a smile. "That's fucking right, baby... Just like that, don't stop, don't stop. You fe—el so... ohhh."

Her words lit this fire in him that was impossible to put out. His body was hers for the taking, and so he'd give her everything he had. Which is why he picked up the pace and fucked into her as hard as he could, dangerously close to finishing.

"Fuck, Spence, I'm gonna... —na..."

Y/n's moans turned into a quiet scream as she came, clenching tightly around his dick and digging her fingernails into his ass. Her eyes squeezed shut with the swirling patterns of fireworks exploding behind them, meanwhile he twitched inside of her and lost it at last. As she came down, she helped him hold himself there, deep inside her as his cum spilled over in warm increments. They both moaned out at the feeling, all their tension easing and dissipating.

By the end, all that was left between the both of them was a thin sheen of sweat and murmured promises of "I love you."

They could have fallen asleep right there. Y/N's hands slid up his backside, over his arms, and then to the back of his head, combing gently through his disheveled hair as he pressed loving kisses to the patch of skin where her neck met her collarbone. He was still inside her, unwilling to leave the warmth she provided, and she did nothing to object.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asked, opening her eyes.

Spencer tilted his head up to look at her, his heart once again swelling at the adoring look in her eyes. "I'm great."

She laughed, and he laughed with her. And they were silent for a few moments before he spoke again.

"So, uh... What we just did is what we're counting as our real first time together, right? Like, the other time doesn't count?"

Y/N laughed again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "If you want to count this as our first time, then yes. I'd be more than happy to agree with you."

"Good. This was much better."

Even though she would never hold their first first time together against him, she was inclined to agree.

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[trensu]

Episode 7: The One where At Last LWJ Sees the Light

We’re still in the cave of wonders, guys, and lan yi is doing plot exposition so we’re gonna skip that

Once Lan Yi is done laying down Plot, we have this cute exchange

Lwj: elder, as your descendent i pinky promise to complete this Super Important Mission 

Wwx: oh, same, me too!

Lwj: this is a LAN FAMILY MATTER and none of your business

Wwx: YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM HELPING

Wwx: and besides, since my grandmaster was besties with your ancestor that means that it’s practically my family matter too, so there

YOU’RE ALSO MARRIED NOW GUYS, REMEMBER, SO IT’S A FAMILY MATTER EITHER WAY

And now, drumroll please…

Our beautiful boys tumble out of the cave of wonders (while still tied together!!) and crash land onto the ground, with wwx oh so conveniently sprawled on top of lwj

THAT’S RIGHT GUYS

IT’S THAT TROPE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Lol lwj’s stunned face here

Wwx: I DIDN’T MEAN TO FALL ON YOU…! Oh hi jiang cheng

yep, jc’s here to ruin the moment (i love you jc, but you have horrible timing)

Wwx is so happy to see his brother, he greets him immediately and completely forgets about the fact that he and lwj are in a…compromising position

It’s adorable, really

Lwj: *glares with every ounce of Repressed Gay Rage in his body* GET UP RIGHT NOW.

Wwx: oh, right sure *totally unruffled bc he is shameless*

At this point we cut to the next scene which is still in the same place and with the same characters but now lwj has his ribbon back on his forehead

Ngl i’m kinda bummed we didn’t see him untie their wrists

It would’ve been hilarious since jc and wen qing wouldve been watching it all happen lol

like, i’m just picturing wq and jc being awkwardly silent as lwj unravels his ribbon from wwx’s wrist. wwx’s eyes would ofc be glued on lwj and he’d be babbling some inane thing or another

but we didn’t get that. oh well.

Oh, and here we find out that lwj and wwx were in that cave for one day and one night

Now that lwj is all put together again, we see wwx, jc, and wq have a conversation that i think counts as a wangxian moment

Jc and wq both start throwing questions at our boys about where they’ve been and what they were doing and all that

Lwj looks very uncomfortable about all the questions.

Lans don’t lie (supposedly; lwj is such a stickler at this point in his life he def doesn’t lie)

So wwx swoops in to ~rescue~ him!!

He answers all the questions by lying thru his teeth: oh yeah, we got lost and trapped and swam for hours and hours in an underground, waterlogged maze that definitely exists before we finally found a way out!! I almost froze to death (he says with a whine bc that’s just how he is lol)

Once he finishes answering all those questions he turns to share THE CUTEST LITTLE SECRET SMILE WITH LWJ. SO ADORABLE GUYS, HOW IS HE REAL

Lwj sees it and HAS TO LOOK AWAY

I CAN’T EVEN BLAME HIM BC IF WWX SMILED AT ME LIKE THAT (WITH HIS CUTE LITTLE BEAUTY MARK IN FULL VIEW!!) I WOULD’VE DIED.

JUST DROPPED TO THE GROUND DEAD.

IT’S TOO MUCH, IT’S TOO MUCH

Now we cut to a Plot Heavy Scene, featuring our boys and lxc and lqr, that is not relevant to this post at all EXCEPT I HAVE TO SAY OH GOD, LWJ LOOKS SO BABY-FACED HERE?? HOW?? HIS LITTLE FACE LOOKS ALL ROUNDED AND SOFT AND HIS LIPS ARE ALL POUTY. HE’S BEBY. I JUST WANT TO WRAP HIM UP IN BLANKETS AND GIVE HIM HOT CHOCOLATE

More plot discussion happens and whatever they’re talking about makes wwx bump shoulders with lwj and call him “my confidant” AKA MY SOULMATE AHHHHHHH

OH WAIT, do you know what else is important about this scene?

It shows how much taller wwx is than lwj!!! And I LOVE IT.

Lwj’s shoulders are a good two inches lower than wwx’s

WHY ISN’T THERE MORE FIC/ART SHOWING THIS??

I MEAN, THE STOIC SOLEMN CHARACTER IS SMOL AND THE SUNSHINEY CHARACTER IS GIANT. IT’S SUCH GREAT COMBINATION!!!

I think ppl in the cultivation world probs don’t realize how short lwj is bc he gives off such an intimidating aura i’m so jealous; i need to get myself an intimidating aura

Blah blah more plot, wwx promises not to tell anybody anything about the plot blah blah

Right after that, they bump into nhs who’s like, hey you guys were gone all night did anything weird happen?? (this is the guy who sneaks porn into this place on the regular, i’m pretty sure we all know what he means by “weird”)

Wwx: oooh, yeah, this super weird thing happened, let me tell you all about it

Lwj: *whips around to stare at wwx likE OMG SRSLY YOU JUST SAID YOU’D KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT*

Wwx: *proceeds to tell nhs a spooky lie about meeting a demon snake*

Nhs: *flees in terror bc he thinks snakes are scary for some reason* (they’re not, snakes are def cute critters)

Lwj: *exasperatedly rolls his eyes at wwx’s frankly amazing story-telling skills*

AND HERE WE GET TO SEE THE FIRST TIME LWJ STARES LONGINGLY AT WWX. LWJ, THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR MAIN HOBBY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Wwx runs after his brother and slings a playful arm around his shoulders and walks away without a second glance to lwj

Lwj stares soulfully at him, def noticing that wwx didn’t spare him a second look (poor bb lwj)

After a moment of Soulful Staring, his lips part as he lowers his gaze to the ground and decisively turns and walks off

INTERNALLY HE’S LIKE OFC WWX WOULDN’T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME SINCE I’M ALL STOIC AND REPRESSED BUT THAT’S FINE, IDC, I DIDN’T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIM ANYWAY

POOR LWJ!! DOESN’T THIS MAKE YOUR HEART TWINGE???

Even more plot stuff happens

But they make it worth the wait because now we get to…

THE LANTERN SCENE (PART 1)

YES, YOU HEARD RIGHT.

WWX: lwj, we should set off a lantern and make a wish together since we’ve been thru so much together now

LWJ: *pulls a batman* I work alone 

WWXX: habits change!! Besides, i made this lantern specially for you~! *shows drawing of magic cave bunny on the lantern*

HERE WE GO GUYS, OMG, IT’S HAPPENING

Lwj looks at the lantern and, just, his face, ahhh, LWJ’S ENTIRE FACE GOES SOFT AND WE SEE HIM SMILE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE SERIES

FIRST!!

TIME!!

EVER!!!

AND IT ONLY TOOK 7 EPISODES!!

I’M DYING I’M D Y I N G

HIS LIPS PART AND THE SMILE JUST GENTLY BLOOMS ON HIS FACE, ILLUMINATING IT SOFTLY LIKE A FUCKING SUNRISE OR SMTH

FUCK IT’S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL IT’S MAKING ME POETIC

GAHHH

NO WONDER HE NEVER SMILES

THAT SMILE COULD KILL PEOPLE IN THE BEST WAY

Ofc wwx has to ruin the moment by giggling at him and saying “hey you’re smiling!!”

Okay, guys, you know and I know that wwx is giggling from joy. Like yay!! I made lan zhan smile!! I did a Good Thing!!!

He is genuinely tickled pink about making his soulmate happy!

But remember, LWJ is the King of Repressed Gays here. So, you know, the laughter in his ears sounds mocking. Because he’s a dumb boy who can’t Emotion well yet.

LWJ reacts to the giggles by immediately grabbing his sword which startles wwx into stumbling back into the group behind him and the mood is effectively ruined

But just for a little bit!!

Then ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing in the background AND THEY SEND OFF THEIR LANTERN TOGETHER, WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT GENERALLY ONLY ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED COUPLES DO 

as is shown by how everyone’s trying to get jyl and jzx (aka our token heteros) to send off a lantern together

The pair of them, need i remind you, are currently betrothed (even tho that dumb peacock doesn’t deserve her)

so yeah, that’s totally not gay at all

WWX makes his wish: “I wish to always stand with justice and live without regrets”

THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE MOMENT. 

THIS IS WHEN LWJ FALLS IN LOVE, I SWEAR

LWJ is watching wwx as he’s making that wish (more of an oath, really), and as soon as he hears those words, his eyes widen the way they do when someone gets hit with a life-altering realization. He’s completely thunderstruck 

IT’S NOT SUBTLE GUYS

YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SEE CUPID’S ARROW STICKING OUT OF HIS CHEST (OR WHATEVER ANCIENT FANTASY CHINA EQUIVALENT THERE IS)

THAT’S IT. HE’S A GONER. THERE’S NO ONE ELSE FOR HIM NOW. NO ONE BUT WWX.

For real tho, after this moment, we really don’t see lwj be angry towards wwx like he has been. Annoyed and exasperated at him, sure, but never angry in a petty mean way like before.

It’s beautiful

The next wangxian moment isn’t nearly as intense but it happens shortly after the lantern scene

Wwx goes to beat the shit out of jzx for saying he doesn’t want to marry jyl (because jzx is a moron and definitely deserves a beat down for this insult)

Wwx and jzx are surrounded by a group of loud, flailing people

And lwj just dives right into that throng of people to get to wwx (contrast this to a scene in a later episode where he actively avoids going anywhere near a much calmer, collected group of people bc ew people)

Lwj: *grabs at wwx* stop, wei ying

Wwx: DON’T STOP ME, LAN ZHAN, IM GONNA KILL THIS GUY DEAD IS2G

Next wangxian scene takes place the following morning

Lwj is walking along minding his own business and sees wwx kneeling as punishment for the fight before

He approaches him and calls out to him.

THIS IS IMPORTANT

This is the first time we see him willingly initiate interaction with wwx. Every other time, wwx was the one to approach him first and start to pester him for attention.

BUT LOL JOKE’S ON HIM. THE FIRST TIME HE DARES TO APPROACH WWX FIRST AND HE IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT

‘Oh hey lan zhan’ wwx responds to LWJ. ‘look at all these little ants i found on the ground!!’

‘OMG WWX YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE KNEELING TO REFLECT ON YOUR MISDEEDS NOT TO PLAY WITH ANTS. SO UNTEACHABLE’ *walks off in a huff*

Wwx is left pouting and saying ‘but the ants are so cute.’

I’M SORRY WHAT??

WHAT DID YOU SAY WWX?? ANTS ARE CUTE??

ANTS ARE NOT CUTE. 

YOU, WWX, YOU ARE CUTE. ANTS ARE NOT. 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

(i just really hate insects, guys, i would not get near them even if wwx was the one holding them)

(okay, maybe if wwx was holding them, i’d try to get near them, but idk how successful i’d be)

Blah blah more plot stuff happens, blah jin “can’t keep it in my pants* guangshan exists now blah blah 

Alright so now we have the jiang clan saying their goodbyes to the lan clan since i guess Ancient Fantasy China summer school is over maybe??? Idk, point is they gotta leave. 

As they leave, wwx starts to whisper at lwj “lan zhan, lan zhan, about that Plot Device…”

But gets tugged away by his fam, HOWEVER he manages to hear lxc telling lwj to be careful in that foreboding Important Plot Things Are Afoot sort of way

And wwx makes the effort to go back to talk to lwj but jc grabs him and yanks him out by the arm

Jc: are you crazy?? That guy hates you!! He must be happy you’re leaving

Wwx: LIES AND SLANDER, everyone here LOVES me

Idk about everyone, but lwj definitely loves him and jc knows nothing

now it’s THE RETURN OF WINGMAN LXC

The lan bros are watching the yunmeng sibs leave

Lxc: gosh, it’s gonna be quiet here without him, huh? (HIM, HE SAYS, NOT ‘THEM,’ HIM! BC HE TOTALLY KNOWS WHO LWJ IS ACTUALLY WATCHING)

Lwj: *looks down to the floor and refuses to answer*

Lxc: soooo…r u gonna tell him about your Super Important Mission?

Lwj: no. *walks away*

Jeez, he walks off on his big brother a lot, doesn’t he?? Rude. didn’t your parents teach you any manners? Oh wait that was an awful joke and i’m a terrible person, SORRY LWJ

AHHHHHHHHHHH WWX WITH THE BUNNIES!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Wwx: *holding a bunny* Bunny, are you gonna be happy hiding here??

Wwx: *pretending to be the bunny* Happy!! 

GUYS THIS SCENE IS JUST TOO CUTE FOR WORDS. 

I REWOUND AND WATCHED IT LIKE, 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE CUTENESS WAS JUST UGH I COULDN’T RESIST. 

HIS VOICE GOES ALL HIGH PITCHED THE WAY IT DOES WHEN YOU MAKE VOICES FOR YOUR PETS!! IT’S ADORABLE AHHHHH I DIE, I DIE

Wwx: maybe i should take you back to lotus pier with me…?

Wwx: hmm, no, i can’t do that. What if lan zhan gets lonely and comes here looking for you? He won’t be able to find you!!

This is literally what wwx said. Like, that was the deciding factor for not taking the bunny home. 

Lan zhan might get lonely. HOW SWEET IS HE. WWX, THE SWEETEST BOY, WHO’S SO IN LOVE AND DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT YET

Then as he’s bonding with the bunny he gets the epiphany that OMG LWJ IS GOING ON THAT SUPER IMPORTANT MISSION ALONE, WITHOUT HIM

And that’s the end of that episode. 

but we got to see the EXACT MOMENT LWJ falls in love for real. And it’s BEAUTIFUL. Not to mention the we were gifted the accidentally-falling-on-top-of-each-other trope. 

and we got bunnies! did i mention the bunnies and wwx being adorable together? because that happened.

Ah, this is the show that just gives and gives *wipes away tears* what did we do to deserve it?

Return to Masterpost

[transrightsjimin]

@trespassers-will​ ok here we go

i also watched the various videos hidden inside each photo and the videos that were posted today as well and took notes too hjfhk

1. hobi’s room

okay so i thought i would rank jin’s room first but then i saw hobi’s room and i saw that couch nd went OMG okay thats no.1!! i love this interior so so much, like i normally hate orange and blue as a combination but this seems almost more like red and blue and it really reminds me of hopeworld. there’s many pop art-like graphic design posters adorning the walls, showing lines like ‘hope‘, ‘sweet’ and ‘my way‘. the shoes on the closet(?) behind him were disaplayed bc those are the colours we wears the most in his fashion. and then there’s this iconic inflatable clear pink couch and him wearing a pink robe and just GOD what a mood, i want a room like this!! the chair reminds me a lot of the type of fun quirky furniture i fantasized about and incorporated into my drawings as a kid when i was around 8-11, probably because i got inspired by stuff like totally spies and polly pocket, which had all these designs clearly inspired by 60s and 70s space age design but more in pink and purple i guess.

also i hate the search for such stills bc even w safe search on, you still have godawful f3tish drawings depicting those kids from totally spies ending up in search results and it’s disgusting. but yeah it reminded me of that

when i say polly pocket, i particularly mean this quik-clik (magnetic clothes and hair) era in 2005 which was what i had some stuff from. i had that couch / movie night! set and the pool and that

also i just really like hobi’s room because with all the posters and cabinets and clothing items laid out and a carpet and fun colours and whatnot, it really feels like an actual room you could live in, unlike any of the other rooms which feel very empty or too minimalist to me. but YEAH hobi’s room is my fav, i love the way a fuller room feels more cozy and habitable and floaties and inflatable floaties are AMAZING

2. jin’s room

jin’s room is so prettyyyy!! jins explanation of the room was very uhm confident and funny but i love that. the couch looks like a lilac shell, which makes sense as everything else looks very pearlescent. i really love cool-toned pastels like lilac, powder / baby blue, periwinkle and everything just looks like it’s part of a waiting hall for mermaids or something. there’s also gems in it which took me a while to realize bc i only noticed the glass chandelier and lamp but then i saw them in his hand nd on the table. i dont rly care abt gems / jewels but overall i just love how this whole room speaks ‘pretty‘ to me. robes are always a plus. as i was writing this, i was also reminded of hair extension mullet jin with iridescent clothing and all and that is actually my all time fav photoshoot / look of him. him saying he’s the gem of the room makes sense too as he’s sitting in the shell like a pearl. jin pretty pretty mermaid

ok from here on its getting harder bc place 3-8 is not so much abt which is nicer but which one actually makes me feel any emotion bc i just feel too exhausted for excitement over comebacks or anything really. also minimalism doesnt make me feel anything either. but ill try

3. jungkook’s room

ok ive been staring at a screen w few sleep for too long so ill try to go through my ranking faster bc ive been working on this post for too long, also partially bc i cant focus nd partially bc theres some i just rly dont feel much for but i feel bad for ranking one lower than the other or ranking smth higher when ive talked to someone who dislikes a room i like dghkfdf

but yeah i like jungkooks room! its a very intense blue tht might make you depressed if youre in it too long but again i love how theres multiple items stacked in the bg and intense blue lights, and the ceiling looks like it has soundproof padding. its like youre in a recording studio or at some vaguely nostalgic party of a friend of my mom, who had plants in her home nd rock music nd the tv on and was smoking nd it was a bit dark and mysterious. i like it, it intrigues me a bit nd makes me miss going to concerts. also this pic rly just reminds me of 2008-2010 pop music videos where theres always a party and dj and people are wearing sunglasses or something and theres a dance break at the end

4. yoongi’s room

also blue!! the first time i saw this pic it was bc someone sent it to me to say how ugly they thought the decoration / editing looked w the metallic dripping stuff from the couch and whatnot but i kinda like it :( i like his velvety clothing and the light blue in the rest of the room is really pretty. i like mirror themes when done well nd i like how the reflectiveness shows also in the metallic dripping nd metallic spheres and the mirror hes standing on nd the way light reflects on his clothes and from the lamp. only the lamp feels a bit too much like a contemporary art installation for me nd his room already is a bit too empty for my liking nd i had the feeling when i watched the vid of him walking through the room that there was not much to interact w in the room like it was a bit dull. his voice in the explanation videos made it feel more like a place of peace / solitude rather than boredom or loneliness though.

5. namjoon’s room

ehh i think place 5, 6 and 7 are interchangable at this point. namjoon woulve ranked lowest but i listened to his explanation videos and saw him goof around in today’s video and appreciated it a bit more. the room still looks quite minimalist and not super comfortable, like youre not allowed to touch anything there (which is the same for jin i guess but i dont view that as smth meant to look like a living room). i do like how the wood theme is present throughout each wall nd in various items and w the windows nd use of space it feels a bit inspired by japanese interior design and that that is inspired by his bonsai tree nd love for woodwork, but im not sure. i was actually quite shocked some of his explanations were so short. so yeah i place this 5th bc i like how coherent the theme is but it doesnt feel cozy or inviting nd still very cold to me, maybe bc it looks too expensive or minimalistic in terms of colours.

6. jimin’s room

i like the flowers but also i dont like tiny flowers nd they tend to be the stinkier ones. i kind of like how jimins room feels the most like a grandma one w all the flowers nd offwhite and the lamp and beige i think? but the colours are so muted and if anything it feels like a place for a bridal photoshoot nd im just so bored. i love jimin nd feel bad for ranking a room he curated so low but it rly creates no serotonine in my brain, just melatonine bc im sleepy. i like how the room i obviously quite packed w stuff, but then the washed out colours make everything still look very bleak. hmm. i do like how the flowers reach outside the borders unlike w any of the others’ photos. im about to fall asleep so let me quickly finish this post

7. tae’s room

the picture in the middle behind him is interesting nd i dont know how he made that, nd i do like how he described his room as a place where there would always be enough food for visitors. i know it’s meant to communicate some highbrow, artsy vibe but w the weird editing and lightning nothing looks real in the room he’s in (including himself, like it doesnt even look like hes in the room) and it just looks kitschy instead of artsy. yeah i dont gravitate towards this one, it’s like deep-fried and desaturated at the same time nd i tend to avoid looking at it subconsciously

8. the first room photo

i first posted a long description here why but it disappeared but in short. this photo evokes no emotional response to me other than think of kind of crappy hotel rooms i was in w my parents while on vacation nd we slept in the same room or something nd the beds were awful nd made my moms chronic pain worse. the clothing is very boring and so r the colours of the room. i know bangtan curated stuff but its still the least interesting photo to me, maybe im too depressed to feel anything idk

im sorry this was prob very boring TT_TT i tried my best to make a ranking but i rly dont know nor care as much as i would want to

[tvheadfalls]

On shifter squad

AHEM.. So ive been thinking a lot about it lately. The unfortunate truth is that aside from some short bouts as exceptions i just have stopped having fun with art around the time i started the comic. Theres this constant pressure on the back of my mind and i think i just wasnt ready for a long term comic. I really didn't want to be that person that starts and then immediately stops but with the way my life is going rn i just dont think i can manage it, and saying im gonna update sporadically or something still just makes me feel everytime i draw something else that im not doing enough. Which i hate bc logically i know its bullshit but its just impossible to escape, idk if its ppl like us just having the general self worth problems bc its not like im a workaholic or smth, maybe its this weirdness that social media is. Whatever. Im digressing real hard.

Im probably gonna look for job opportunities and stuff soon and yeah i just dont think i want a project like that weighing on me right now. Webcomics are hard for people who have Experience and kinda Know what theyre doing and i have neither of those and noteventhatmuchofaninterestincomicsanywayitwasjusttheonlymediumicouldthinkof

Shifter squad definitely isnt dead i love the characters and theyre my faves,, im thinking about finding some other alternative thats more enjoyable for me, something that i can release all at once maybe?? Just post some updates every now and then?? Just something to tinker on whenever i feel like it bit by bit. besides, i realized i need to do some hard rewrites bc the story is just a mess rn anyway HDKJDKF

This post is probably very weirdly worded but i just needed to get it off my chest. Im sorry for everyone who was looking forward to the comic but i hope u understand. S just not the right time right now. Thanks for everyones support anyway it meant and will continue to mean a lot 🙏

[scige-alt]

LIANA LIBERATO / CIS FEMALE — don’t look now, but is that saige beaumont i see? the 21 year old criminal psychology / linguistics student is in their sophomore year and she is a rochester alum. i hear they can be blithe, energetic, evasive and irrational, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet she will make a name for themselves living in murphy’s beach homes. ( james. 20. est. she/they. )

snjdfg these took so long i’m so sorry but anyways please LIKE and i’ll slide into yr IMs for plots !!

TW DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, IMPLIED ABUSE, ADDICTION, HIT & RUN.

a e s t h e t i c s

stick n’ pokes at 2am – when your drunk and giggling too much in between purposeful stabs, avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk because they’re bad luck and they’ll break your mother’s back – even if your mother doesn’t love you, because you love her, the familiar riff in an old song – one that’s got you strumming along silently; there is no guitar, only empty air lit by the christmas lights you haven’t taken down. it’s may. swallowing down shots, and by default, swallowing down problems. laughing quick, easily, constantly. skinned knees from skateboarding, despite being rubbish at it. wishes on eyelashes stuck to your cheekbones, glitter sticking, running into the ocean at sunrise; feeling at home. excuses, and the many forms they come in. telling people you love them through hand squeezes and fresh muffins, sideways glances and soft, eager grins.

general info !!

full name: saige alouette beaumont

nickname(s): n/a so give her some uwu

b.o.d. - july 7th, 21 whole yrs old.

label(s): the hedonist, the icarcian, the reveler, etc. etc.

height: 5′7″ !!

hometown: thibodaux, louisiana

sexuality: bisexual w/ a very slight preference towards masc-presenting folks

pinterest

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biography !!

the fallible daughter of two very infallible people: robert beaumont, US lieutenant general, and manon levesque, world renown fashion designer. both calculating, cold, and purposeful.

saige never believed she was created out of love. it was an action with a purpose, intentions to create the perfect child. the hybrid of both military genius and fashion extraordinaire, molded to their will.

it took them no more than six months after her birth for her parents to up and move, thus beginning the cycle of packing and unpacking, flying and driving, state-to-state and country-to-country. the longest saige had ever stayed in one place was two years.

kept on a short leash, homeschooled, and learning skills she had no interest in – she was more like a pet, a project, than a child. the world moved all around her, but she felt restrictively tethered to her parents.

she had always felt this way. a bird in a cage of thorns.

it was hard to keep and maintain friends – saige would be there one day, and gone the next. a ghost, a very visible ghost. even so, she tried her hardest.

running from bodyguards (nannies, in a sense. her father is a paranoid man) into festival crowds and climbing out of windows in the dark of night to swim in lakes with locals she’d meet only a few hours earlier – she absorbed as much of what she could get; this intense, undying love for a world she had always craved to see.

it was the start of something near dangerous – a phase that seemed to never end, rebellion coursing through her veins. a wild child in the making, unknowing of limits. the bad sort of crowd was the crowd she found herself landing, more often than not – introducing the sheltered girl to a world she hadn’t quite known existed

she ran away, briefly, at age fifteen with a man three years older than her – which nearly ended up in a tabloid magazine if it hadn’t been for her parents’ money. though the guilt of her parents’ disappointed weighed on her, the thrill fueled something much worse

from that point on, she became a problem child. from public intoxication to vandalism – it was clear their daughter was unraveling and nothing could contain her.

boarding school was a small attempt to stop it – she got expelled.

she hadn’t intended to go to university, either – but, by some chance – and after a mysterious year-long disappearance from public eye during her eighteenth year of life, next thing she knew, she was a student at lockwood university.

she was involved in a getaway chase from an armed robbery at a bank which then turned into a hit-and-run in washington when she was on the brink of turning eighteen. it was a situation she had no control over, not knowing her role in the scheme until it was too late to turn back. the victim survived but saige’s family has been paying the medical fees since then. her parents haven’t spoken to her since.

ever since the accident, saige has avoided causing too much trouble - generally staying out of headlines and tabloids, partially in fear of her parents finally cutting ties, and partially in fear of doing something that’ll cost another person their life.

personality !!

bubbly. so fucking bubbly. she’s got so much fucking energy on her – she goes running every morning and every night and swims like every afternoon and she’s n e v e r tired ?? the personality of a coke bottle shaken up but like if the bottle could laugh.

tries her hardest to be the Happy Fun friend, y’know, the one who can hook you up w/ some sicccc shit b/c she befriended/possibly slept with her drug dealer and now she gets discounts.

like, generally, comes off as very confident of herself and fearless and, like, yes–reckless, but like a fun reckless, y’know ??

talks a l o t, could ramble for days, hand gestures and all.

if she wants to do something, she will do it and there’s not much you can do to stop her tbh. she’s very easy-going, very go-go-go, very…mischievous, y’know? even if she’s trying to do something stupid you kinda just have to let her do it or otherwise she’ll mope for three hours and pout at you and you’ll feel ?? this weird sense of guilt ?? which isn’t the Best thing but she’s not the best person either so dfghjh

a vegetarian !! meat makes her sick, like, physically.

uuuhh her vocabulary consists of a lot of ‘likes’ and ‘ums’ and ‘y’knows’, y’know ??

i am like 99% sure she’s got adhd but she’s never been diagnosed with it b/c her parents suck with that stuff. her parents sort of suck in general.

like…she’s currently not on speaking terms with them. she’s not disowned…like, yet, but they haven’t said more than like five words to each other since saige was eighteen and it k i l l s her but they also send her a shit ton of money every month so.

owns like…four cars…..she has them all on campus…..she prolly isn’t suppose to…but she does…one of them’s a real sleek sports car, one is a jacked up pick-up truck that’s decked out in like LED lights n shit, one is the same exact fucking car from the princess diaries b/c saige is obsessed w/ the movie. the other is like. a mini cooper probably.

a photographer, her walls are covered in photographs and art and taped-down plants and in general her room is very ?? cluttered ?? like it’s very home-y but god. she’s a mess. clothes everywhere. she’s probably got a pile of instruments and other miscellaneous hobbies on a chair in the corner that she hasn’t touched in a while

speaking of !! she has a bunch of random, like, skills ?? like knitting and sewing and cooking and three different forms of ballroom dancing, and she can definitely work a gun and a car engine except she goes thru interests so rapidly and is disinterested in most of the other ones b/c her parents forced like half of them onto her.

she plays bass guitar. she loves her bass guitar. she knows other instruments but the only ones she’ll really fidget with are her bass guitar and like, her violin. everything else she’s like ~okay~ at

got really obsessed with languages at a young age and started learning them ?? her mother is like. super french, like genuinely from france, so she already grew up speaking both english and french but she’s learnt others for the hell of it and she’s still learning like three other at the same time which is a MESS but she’s a mess so like can u blame her sdfghj

but like i said, she’s v e r y reckless. very much a party girl. she uses like…quite a few drugs, both socially and alone and frankly – she’s rarely sober.

a budding alcoholic because she’s convinced that without it she’ll be Miserable and Horrible to everybody because she’s a Horrible, Awful person who is the absolute Worse and if drinking vodka mixed in with 23 crystal lite packets helps with not thinking like that then she’ll do it no questions asked

its a problem she’s been developing since she was younger, only amplified by … the situation, that happened when she was eighteen.

is essentially wearing this mask of confidence and giddiness and flirtatiousness b/c she doesnt want people to think she’s doing Not Okay.

she loves so much. she loves everything, everybody. falls in love like five times a day but nothing really sticks to her either. if ur a shitty person/come off as an asshole then she’ll be more likely to be attracted to her b/c shes Always been like this. finds them super interesting which is ?? questionable ?? sometimes i want to just. knock some sense into her but y’know what…it’s fine we’re Fine

she gets around p frequently but is also the type of person who’ll like, try n maintain a positive, good friendship with whoever she sleeps with b/c the idea of having regrettable encounters is smth that Bothers her and she just pretty much refuses.

it’s honestly a bit of a problem ?? she blurs the lines between friendship and Something, Anything More too often and with too many people b/c she just. wants to be loved. but there is never enough !

she does stick n pokes !! a whole bunch !! let her give you one !! she can’t draw for shit but i mean, who cares, right ??

uuuhh her mom sends her like…prototypes of things she designs n shit that isn’t out yet and saige 100% always gives it away or it sits in her closet and essentially that is her go-to gift for birthdays or christmas or whenever she feels like it

there’s literally sm i could say about her but i’ll stop Here b/c it’s getting too long sksksksk

wanted connections !!

give me. a best friend. just somebody who sticks by her side even though she’s a Mess

like, a ride or die ?? is that the same as a best friend ?? idc i want both :)

and just in general, like, people she’s p close to ?? she’s really friendly and is the kind of girl who’d be really popular in high school but doesn’t care abt popularity n talks to literally Everybody like she’s known them all her life.

ESP if ur muse is a lil grumpier !! she will fuck their shit up, but like, in a friendship way.

party pals, where they don’t talk that much outside of parties but inside them ?? super close. glued to the hip. hold-your-hair-back kinda tight.

frenemies ?? fake friends ?? toxic pals ?? ppl using her for her money or like, sex, or something ?? anything ??

bad influences ?? who just encourage all of saige’s shit ??

good influences ?? who are like YOINK stop being an idiot.

a tutor b/c she’s like…she’s smart, okay, but she’s also really stupid LMAO. she’s rly bad at math and science. somebody help her.

hook ups ?? fwbs ?? that one, rare one-night-stand that went weird ??

exes ?? she’s sorta noncommittal so idk how long they would’ve dated but like sjdfkbo yolo ?? ex hook-ups too ??

…somebody who just. hates her. but she doesn’t realize bc she’s a big ol’ idiot. she thinks theyre pals !!

let her b a thorn in someone’s side, just like, an absolute annoyance LMAO

gimme an enemy, or like an ex-best friend where something happened between them n it ruined their friendship

i will take literally anything i dont know

she steals ur character’s mail ?? ur cat keeps escaping and she keeps letting them inside even tho she’s allergic ??

one of those friendships where theyre always bickering like an old married couple ?? but it’s Purely Platonic (or is it ??)

an off-and-on again that just. it’s not good for either of them b/c they keep enabling each other and then getting pissed off and it’s a Mess but ?? it’s so hard to stop.

the drug dealer she keeps sleeping with even though she can just … pay for her shit. b/c it’s funner this way !

just … people where their like … relationship status is Blurred and it’s like, are they a thing? are they not? b/c she’s a mess and gets involved with too many people without intending to !

please. take her. give me connections.

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

anyway now that ive been in the fandom for a bit i think its time i called myself out and say that i. Love shiniida

hear me out. neutral good, disaster bi iida with true neutral, functional gay shinsou? we stan.

like just consider for a second. shinsou goes to talk with midoriya to get some closure abt their fight in the sports festival and obv talking to midoriya means having to be near his two besties iida and uraraka

anyway midoriya draws shinsou in like the sun he is and so he ends up kinda friends with iida and uraraka as well. along the line they become full-fledged friends esp when he starts doing extra training w them in addition to the training hes gettin from aizawa so he can “”keep up with you hero course nerds”” (in his own words)

anyway so he starts hangin out with the izucrew more and consequently. iida.

iida is the mom/dad friend (depends on his mood that day which one he is) so he usually organizes some hangouts that r also study groups. and now that shinsou is his friend, iida invites him as well

im thinkin eventually iida and shinsou figure out that iida has a strong suit in math but is weak in language, but shinsou is vice versa, so they decide to arrange extra study sessions so they can get the extra tutoring they feel they need

and finally,,,,the pining™ begins

im honestly not quite sure How they fall for each other or how long it would take buuuuuuut……,.,.

iida would definitely admire shinsou’s drive and determination and i feel he’d be rlly charmed by him once he got passed shinsou’s distant, kinda hostile first impression. like once he got passed shinsou’s kinda defenses and saw the tired, funky dude he is that loves cats and sweaters, iida’s poor bi heart wouldnt stand a chance, not even a second. iida would definitely think shinsou’s love for cats/all things cute is adorable. also i think iida would be exasperated w shinsou’s hair but like in the Fondest Way possible. at first he’s like “shinsou u gotta try to brush ur hair!” and shinsou is like “u can try it wont do anything” and hes right it Doesnt. but eventually the messy style grows on iida and he finds he wants to run his hands thro it,,,also iida at first kinda doesnt get shinsou’s sense of humor but he eventually learns to love it

shinsou on the other hand would be softly disgruntled abt how iida cares for him with what i call the Aggressive Affection. cause iida is just like “shinsou! its past 12 am! i would advise you get some rest now” and he wont stop badgering him until shinsou at least turns off his phone and like “shinsou! i made u breakfast bc u slept in late! u can eat it while we walk to class together!” and hands him some cute lil breakfast thing that keeps shinsou’s hands warm while they walk in the morning air. and at first shinsou is like “bruh” but eventually knowing that iida cares so much makes him feel all warm inside,,,,,, and shinsou Would 100 percent find iida’s chopping motions and general gestures he makes when he talks Adorable As Fuck. and he thinks its sweet that iida cares so much abt helpin him academically as well as heroically

anyway i think shinsou would realize his feelings first bc iida is,,,a disaster,,,and he would freak the fuck out becuz oh shit thats quite the distraction from becoming a hero student

iida notices when shinsou starts to avoid him and he gets really sad :[ and it rlly starts to bother him so he tries asking shinsou what he did wrong but shinsou is always in a flustered panic and its like “OHHH LOOK AT THE TIME GOT,,,GENERAL DEPARTMENT THINGS TO DO,,,,GOTTA GO BYE IIDA” so when asking shinsou doesnt work iida tries to ask his friends if they can think of anything but theyre just as confused as he is bc they didnt even realize shinsou was distancing himself. this just makes iida feel even worse bc that means its Just Him that shinsou’s avoiding so its Clear that he did do smth wrong

eventually he calls tensei abt it and tensei kinda calms him down abt it thank you tensei

meanwhile aizawa is like “what,,,is wrong with my child” bc hes not dumb hes observant as hell and he knows shinsou’s been acting kinda skittish lately esp during training so eventually after training one day aizawa sits him down and is like “im not letting u leave until u tell me why ur so freaked out lately” shinsou tries to fight to escape but aizawa is a Pro Hero and shinsou has only been training for a couple months now so he doesnt make it lmfao rip eventually shinsou gets out that he has a crush (how embarrassing poor guy probably wanted to spontaneously combust when he admitted it) and that he doesnt know what to do with it and aizawa is just like “wow mood”

no but really aizawa calls up mic and is like “hi yes hello ur the distinguished gay in this relationship can u give our dumb son some advice”

so mic swoops in and probably embarrasses shinsou a lil bit but overall shinsou accepts his feelings a little more after the talk so thats Something thanks mic

anyway so this pining goes on for a while longer with iida feeling :[ and shinsou feeling bad but like not knowing what to do dkjfjkf. like after the talk w mic it isnt nearly as bad as it was but shinsou’s still awkward and iida can still tell smth abt their relationship has gotten a little stilted :[ but then the joint training exercise happens and its reveled that shinsou is GOING INTO THE HERO COURSE BABEY!!!!!!!

iida is So Excited that he lifts our boy up and spins him around!!! and shinsou is so FUCKING gay he doesnt know how to function once hes put back on the ground smfh so much for being a functional gay huh shinsou

anyway iida starts apologizing profusely like “im so sorry shinsou my excitement just got the better of me and i hope i didnt make you uncomfortable but im so happy for you-!” and shinsou’s like “im in love with you” iida probably passes out lbr

no but both FREAK OUT over that confession and like its so fucking funny bc it was in front of EVERYONE and aizawa just fucking facepalms bc god why does his dumb kid have to take after him so much smh

anyway EVENTUALLY iida and shinsou calm down and before shinsou can Sprint the Fuck Away, iida is like “i!!!!! love you too!!! not as just a friend!!!” and shinsou hides his face in his mask/capture weapon and iida is just kinda bashfully holding his helmet close to his chest and HHH I LOVE MY BOYS………….

anyway they talk and shinsou is like “yeah so im sorry for being weird this past month and a half its because feelings” and iida is like “OHHHH i thought i did something wrong omg” and so they clear that up w each other and start dating. and they are. Adorable. THE couples’ goals in the izucrew. u wish u were as cute as them

iida reading on the couch w shinsou layin down on him?? iida reading TO him while he’s layin down on him in an attempt to help lull him to sleep??? oh my fucking god. thats so good. shinsou brings snacks to their study dates (and theyre actually iida’s idea of regularly scheduled dates someone help shinsou djkfjk) to make sure that they both actually get some food in them. TRAINING TOGETHER,…,..both get v flustered at first but then they get used to it,,im soft

just….my boys….thank you for your consideration. uhh stan shiniida

[hematomes]

I could definitely see momoe being intersex! It definitely happens to where ppl dont even know about it or realize it! I like this headcanon for her, a little light in the darkness. ☺️

My thoughts on the show though...oh man. They are very negative so I'm sorry. 😫 You don't have to read it all if you don't want to. Warnings ahead for mentions of child abuse and suicide:

In a nutshell it's some kind of preachy anti-suicide propaganda piece, and it goes about its message in such a weirdly perverse and victim-blamey way. It's also sexually charged in a rly low-key way where it's romanticizing the way these children are crushing on and/or being abused by adult men. Ah I can't articulate it properly but it comes off as so sinister in its intention and it's easy to miss, *especially* for the target audience of, well, 14-year-old girls.

The end was so nonsensical that I can barely even remember what happened, but by that time I was already so upset about Frill and realizing what the show's message truly was that I don't think I was even registering what little plot that show had to give.

Also, as a trans boy myself, I have mixed feelings about Kaoru, but I don't think I'll ever watch the show a second time to let those thoughts fully form.

i just finished the last episode (without the extras) and im gonna be real with u i didn't understand it at all 💀

i see your point and i agree, especially with the last wonder egg & the whole thing with ai's/koito's teacher. i got the ick really quickly but the 1st real nail was the fact that he painted an "adult" version of ai and called it beautiful/gorgeous etc (and said she'd look like her mother, WITH WHOM HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP......) and i thought it would be addressed later on, but they just. dropped that and then made it worse by saying that in a parallel universe she confessed to him and that he was her first love. without it being weird somehow idk. not to mention how breezily they hypothetized that he could've abused koito hello..... however ill give them the benefit of the doubt for that since it was a discussion between 4 teen girls and one of them did step up. even tho she just stepped up to defend her uncle. oh well.

i think i see their point in the way that teenagers sometimes get attached to their teachers, but it's the teachers' responsibility to draw a FIRM boundary and that guy clearly didn't with neither ai nor koito. im also quite unsatisfied about how his relationship with koito remained vague till the end of the main show (can't say abt the extras)

overall i still enjoyed watching it and got attached to the girls, but it really went sideways with the episodes 10-12. not really sure how i feel about the frill situation which frustrates me to NO END bc i literally started watching it for her </3 anyway

kaoru is... an extremely unimportant character, barely one episode etc and his trauma (and the trauma of all the wonder eggs tbh) was basically overlooked, which is also why im desperately clinging to the queer momoe hc. also disappointed bc he really deserved. so much more.

ANYWAY i was 0% ready for the last 3 episodes, and idk if ill watch the extras bc that was really weird and rushed. i feel like they should've explored some stuff way more, specifically around frill and how she's linked to what's happening. plus her motives etc, bc at the end of the day it's up to interpretation but like so vague i can't even really think of smth that would fully make sense

so, yea. imo amazing start but some very important things were left out (which sucks bc as u said the target audience is teenagers) and glazed over when it could've been an opportunity to point out how fucking WEIRD and dangerous some teachers are and the end was kinda fucked.

in conclusion. hoshiai no sora is better

[justkpopjokes]

Oops || Tattoo Artist AU

Ft. Tattoo Artist!Mingyu

Anon: “OKAY, THIS IDEA JUST CAME TO MIND AND I THINK IT’S FREAKING COOL AND ALL, OMGGG LOL. tattoo artist!mingyu GOD BLESS ME”

A/N: Mini mini collab with @justsomekpopstuff!! I asked JJ if we could connect our AUs together because we both have tattoo artist AUs lol. God bless this anon for this idea anD SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT

Tattoo Artist!Joshua

So Mingyu is really good at drawing APPRECIATE THE TOL BEAN

His good drawing skills make him a really good tattoo artist, and to make it even better he’s friendly!!

A real gentle clumsy giant

He does a great job at balancing his gentle personality and his skill while working

People know him for his “creativity”, but to his co-workers, he’s only creative because he needs to cover up his mess-ups

He’s a good artist but like,,, he’ll get distracted while talking and accidentally colour smth wrong

So he’ll draw smth else to cover it up

To the customers, he’s just improvising

But his co-workers just know he messed up

At least all of his works are “unique” lmao

Since he’s really kind, he often is tasked to work on people who are getting tattoos for the first time or need something to distract them from the pain

Despite people being scared bc he’s like the tallest guy in the shop, Mingyu always makes sure people feel comfortable with having a needle on their skin & understand what’s happening so they don’t feel scared

I can barely write this though because let’s be honest Gyu shouldn’t be let near needles much less holding one BUT ANYWAYS

I mentioned Gyu is tasked with people who haven’t had a tattoo done before

You’re one of those people.

You and your friend went into this store to get matching tattoos

She’s one of your best friends, but contrasting to you, she has a lot of tattoos

She managed to drag you to the shop to get one and “live a little”

Once you walked in, your friend was immediately recognized and she took a seat at one of the empty stations

Mingyu came over and was about to ask what she wanted when she called you over to look at a collection of designs

Cue him freezing up and staring at you

Honestly, he’s a bit shaken because you look really anxious but cute whAT

He tries to focus more on the anxious part and comfort you by asking “is this your first time here? It’s ok if you’re nervous, just don’t think about it too much. It’ll be alright!”

Tbh just seeing this tall guy act so sweet makes you calmer already

You both make eye contact for a couple seconds until your friend tugs at your shirt to look at a design she wants you to get while rolling her eyes

It’s an arrow made with the word “forever” to show you’ll “forever be friends…because let’s be honest, if we weren’t meant to be friends for life I wouldn’t have been able to drag you into this in the first place” (as said by your friend)

My friend says this sounds like a stereotypical cringey tattoo but hey

“I’m here because you promised me coffee”

“And I promised coffee because you’d still be asleep otherwise”

Mingyu is cracking up at your friend’s teasing and starts to gather what he needs to start

After your friend has her tattoo done, she steps out to buy your coffee

Leaving you alone,,, with this dude,,,,

You’re not really scared of needles but for some reason, the whirring noises are making you nervous and shaky, so Mingyu has to stop before he’s even started

You apologize, but the shaking and that giddy feeling don’t disappear

He notices you getting embarrassed, so he sets down the needle-pen and  looks at you for a little bit

“Are you scared of needles?”

“No…I’m just…I dunno, nervous?”

“Yeah, almost everyone’s like that their first time. Nothing to be embarrassed about you know. I’ll make sure it doesn’t hurt so much”

hoW CAN SOMEONE BE SO CHEESY ADORABLE WHEN TALKING ABOUT TATTOOS

He proceeds to place his hand over your shaking one and looks into your eyes mK THEN

It’s weird but you just do the same

Thankfully his co-worker Joshua managed to help snap him out of his trance

By literally shouting across the shop “HEY MINGYU”

And then screaming playing some overused romantic songs through the speakers

Once you hear the lyrics, you both turn red

Gyu just turns around and glares at a snickering Joshua

“Sorry about my co-worker…”

You just giggle and say “Oh it’s fine…you do look really red though”

That just makes him turn redder and mess up badly

“Oh goD IM SORRY”

You look at the mess up; the arrowhead looked like the feather side (↟)

He usually would improvise immediately, but as this was part of a match, he didn’t know what to do

Luckily you were really calm and had something to say

“Hm…how about you tattoo that into a heart?”

Mingyu goes with your idea, grinning like a dork

When it was done, you smiled and looked at your new tattoo fondly as Gyu looked at you fondly

That’s when your friend returned and saw that there was a difference

However, she was content with it, though she said she might return to change hers once it healed

You quietly thank Mingyu and take your ice coffee from your friend

Mingyu goes off to clean up but looks to the door right as you’re about to leave, where you shyly wave and leave Gyu with a helpless grin on his face

Now oBViously Gyu’s gonna get teased for acting so smitten which is exactly what Josh does :’)

So now Mingyu desperately wants revenge

Which he tries to do when Josh finds himself in a similar smitten situation

But it was just too cute and awkward that Gyu couldn’t bring himself to do it

Thankfully manager Seungcheol took matters into his own hands and set them up on a date LOL (trust me this is relevant)

And that kinda makes Gyu realize how soft he is

A couple weeks later, Mingyu’s taking a short break when your friend comes back in to get her tattoo updated to be like yours

He fixes her tattoo as normal, but right before she leaves she asks what his favourite coffee is(???)

He just answers green tea latte or smth idk what coffee he likes ok

“Oh ok, I need to talk to you abt something, so can you come to the coffee shop next door in a few minutes? I’ll order your latte before you get there”

Mingyu’s really confused because…why

But he goes next door anyway after cleaning up and leans on the wall on his phone, waiting for his drink

When the barista finally calls his name, he gets his drink

…which is not a green tea latte

He’s about to ask the barista if there was a mix-up

But then he realizes that right next to him is you

“oH HI fancy seeing you…here…with my drink?”

Turns out you were also wondering why your order is wrong too

And when you look up to meet Gyu’s eyes, you flush and step away from the counter to talk

“So uh…are you taking a break from the shop?”

“Yeah. Actually, your friend invited me here, she said she needed to talk to me about something.”

“She did? She told me she’d meet me here after she got her tattoo done”

“Where is she?”

“She’s been in the bathroom since she ordered my drink…”

Then everything falls into place

Mingyu just says “Hmm…I think I know why you have my drink now…I’ll take that,” while swapping the cup in your hand for the one in his

When you look out the window, there’s your friend, smiling cheekily and waving

You don’t say anything to Gyu

So you chat for a while until Mingyu needs to go back to the shop

He doesn’t leave without your number though ;)

You can bet Joshua notices the smile on his face and forces persuades Mingyu to gush about what happened

One day, you arrive at the shop

And when you sit in front of a distracted Gyu he jumps 15 feet into the air

To everyone’s surprise, you actually want another tattoo

Just a small one on your wrist

He gets to choose which one ;)

So Gyu starts drawing a tiny design

When suddenly there’s this chorus of screaming from across the room

Because Joshua and the girl he went on a date with have started blasting Careless Whisper over the speakers

“i’M nEVer GoNnA dANcE AgAIN,,,GUiLTY feET hAVe gOT nO RHYtHm”

Cue you both getting really flustered

“godDAMIT JOSHUA I MESSED UP AGAIN”

“HOW ABOUT YOU TRY NOT TO MESS UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND GIVE THEM A KISS”

[im-basically-logan]

welcome back to the routine of me yelling about the latest sander sides vid! everything will be under the cut but just know there are obviously spoilers.

see you on the other side lmao

they all did that intro all at once???? damn!

MARCO 2.0 FOLKS!!! LOOK AT JOAN’S BEANIE!!!

ALSO KYLE DOING THE THING!!! FOR THE INTRO?? AMAZING!!!

thomas... what are you doing. also Joan’s line of thought is what i thought of first lmao

shoehorn

“... just how weird that was” indeed. look at the nerd risin on in tho!

“feeling it...”

Logan’s groan of frustration to thomas saying “motivated” is a big mood

“now you’re just pandering to my fondness for being told that im right” lmaoooo

logan’s sass is great

i love logan too, thomas

DECEIT HE’S BACK AT IT AGAIN

S L I M E Y B O Y

deceit flipped them off jdkshgjkfdhs

i sure hope he doesnt excrete slime jfc

they actually looked at the painting on the wall omfg. logan being confused by it’s abstract look is hilarious imo

existentialism ACTIVATED

DUSHGJKFDLS THE SIDES ACTUALLY PULL EACH OTHER UP TO SUMMON THEM OH MY GOD

when they were trying to get virgil to come out?? roman was literally pulling him omfggg why

also patton and logan just sorta told him to come out but pulling could still be a thing in that regard but rOMAN TUGGED ON HIM

back on topic--”YOU PULLED MY HAIR”

roman back at it again with the weird phrases!

“I would talk about you in another room” “...fair enough”

YESAAAAAAHH UNDERSTATEMENT MUCH

roman’s facial expressions are amazing

“i think you’re just being a jerk” hgjksd roman’s pouty face lmao

I LOVE TERRENCE’S HANDWRITING??? A LOT???

yay roman complimented logan!!!

“myth of the great manbaby” what the hell roman

when you break the fourth wall column and make everyone uncomfortable

i love the drawing things for roman’s thinking. he is creativity after all

the thing about financial perception is great-- i love listening to logan talk kgdfhgkdfl give us a podcast. (jk jk)

THOMAS TALKING ABOUT THE WITCHER 3 YES

the fact that logan indirectly acknowledges he’s a nerd lmaooo

virgil spawning in and saying “i’m listeninnnnng”

“hi virgil” “sup thomas”

ngl roman, that idea is pretty... bad sorry

“but you just called me a little bratty baby--” “A- DUB DUBGFBBFJK THOMAS”

I LOVE LISTENING TO LOGAN TALK ABOUT EXISTENTIALISM AND QUOTING ALAN MOORE

“holy sh-” THOMAS

is aunt patty a real person??

constantly circling the answer lmao

windshield of diamond...? i mean diamonds can be clear but-

“we’re talking about a car, not a horse” lo... logan it’s a metaphor

“i hope you know that my agreeing to a point i made is not a win for you”

once again i love the little animations

thomas playing an elongated word association game is me tbh

“a.. scripted series” “nods in agreement” KJEHGJDFK THE FOURTH WALL HAS BEEN DESTROYED

WHAT IS ROMAN’S FACE AT 12:00????

nexus... instrument??? oh wait nvm

“quixotic, quarreling. quaaaaaaaaaaaah” and the little shake as he said “im not good at nicknames” lmao

circadian rhythm? who’s she???

ok listen i know logan is right about the sleeping schedule but also??? no?? thanks??

“but twitter!” “tumblr?” “tinder?” “twinster!” JDFKJDS

“my twin kinda looks like you, logan!” REALLY ROMAN?

and then all the remy fans went insane...

“copulating” LOGAN

pancake and pillow fights jffkhgsf

tHOMAS DONT FIGHT PEOPLE WITH PANCAKES-

“BRO-gan” JDSKHASJK didnt thomas say that in a tweet lmao

“okay dad” “y’called?”

“love you patton” “love you thomas”

“BUT A BIG MEAL MAKES ME SLEEPY” oh jeez i’ve never tried doing that and i probably wont-- thanks logan lol

“this snack over here is wondering if you’re finished or not!” roman..?? what??

i love logan’s face when he’s about to start rambling again lmao

i just noticed the amazing sound design for the handwriting effects, kudos to you guys!!

ROMAN NO IT’S NOT-- IT’S NOT ALCOHOL YOU FOOL

“shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots i endorse, are vaccines” agreed but also logan n o

look at his face tho he looks sorta proud of himself

“why are you drinking... out of a blender” "this is the biggest container that i have” th-thomas..??? my god lmao

“but how is it good for you?” “how?” logan is slytherclaw tbh

“CORN! ... to eat”

nice pie chart

roman’s face at 16:06 is a mood

“and health...! facts!”

logan being a literal encyclopedia is amazing... also fairly robotic wouldnt you say (hahaha)

but also roman brushing his teeth immediately after dlsjgdfkl

roman throwing a little temper tantrum lmaooo

“elms need tending..”

i like to think roman just has imagery dancing around for thomas and logan to see in his hand or smth. or he’s awkwardly projecting it idfk

17:43 logan is a mood (i say this a lot bear with me)

once AGAIN! I LOVE THE ART STYLE OF THE ANIMATED PARTS!!!

roman, sorry buddy, but shakespeare plagiarized a lot of things and frankly i believe thats a big no no for you? (remember the originality episode oof)

“FORGET SLEEP” same roman

“then you will care for your friends more than they have ever been cared for in their. entire. LIFE” “yES”

THE CLICHE WESTERN MUSIC JDKF

“i dont know the meaning of the word...” “it means ridiculous” “oh really?” ROMAN??? HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT?

all the other times logan has used preposterous just went over his head????

hasnt roman USED the word preposterous?????

mANTICORE CHIMERA?? OKAY THEN

i go straight to logan’s thinking. roman get the heck out of there? dont fight a chimera with a broken leg plz

“how can you be teaching me so many things but also be so wrong today?” WOW ROMAN LMAO

20:09 Logan...ok listen, somebody just send me a bunch of screenshots of their faces in this video plz

NJKDSFFSJAHKS I LOVE HOW THEY PUT PATTON AS THOMAS’ DAD IN THE FAMILY TREE

“pardon me while i laugh! .... ha” ok the motions before he “laughed” looked oddly like deceit...

ROMAN WIGGLES A LOT

hello yes?? can we get a sander sides soundtrack??? the music while logan explains the worth of living is great

“uber yawn” im sorry roman, w h a t

“rOMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-” y’gonna... stop....?

ok there we go

DID LOGAN JUST CALL ROMAN A PREP FJKDSHGJFDHK

aww logan’s little smirk

“that sounds cool..” roman is such a dork jkdshfs

DING DING DING IT’S THE LOGINCE TRAIN. also! i want the music SO BADLY

logans little bounce at 23:43 gives me life

awww they’re getting along

the next video thomas was hinting at... the puppet show

also i would’ve mentioned this earlier but i forgot but I THINK THATS A NEW SHIRT? :O

MOXIETY MOMENT!!!

“every dog has it’s day” Virgil: patton n o

“may the force be with you” lmao

patton sounds oddly... solemn? it just sounds slightly lower than patton’s usual voice??? i dunno im reading into things

take it easy guys, gals, and nonbinary pals!

we’re at the end! im so proud of thomas, talyn, and joan! amazin as usual. Also best wishes to Joan’s recovery. they better rest after this

[bangzchan]

nah she was just pretending to write in chinese by writing ching chong somethin somethin

Anonymous said:It was a drawing of a man eating with Japanese writing on the side. And Lea the racist wrote in the caption ‘ching chong’. That’s a derogatory term used to mock Chinese people. There was nothing vague about it. Quite frankly if you don’t find it racist then you’re part of the problem.

oh alright ,didnt know that. yikes.. i thought it was just about her translating smth incorrectly

Anonymous said:I don’t hate Lea, it’s just that she has a weird vibe. I don’t know how to explain it, they as a couple are strange. On the other hand I see the relationship of Maiken and Cengiz, they transmit a completely different energy, it’s nice to see them and it makes me very happy that they are together. I don’t know if it’s me but for me is very cringy when I see Lea 🤷🏻‍♀(sorry my english)

ur english is fine! i dont really know anythin about cengiz and maiken’s energy,dont even know what to think about henrik and lea’s tbh klsjdf but like i understand if one of them is more what you find better to follow/look at

Anonymous said:The Chinese thing was her literally uploading a pic of someone eating noodles and the caption was Ching Chong soo.. it was on her public Facebook post and it was from a few years back she was probably 13😬 soo Yes is wrong but she was an actual child living in one of the whitest countries in the world so unless she does something like that now I think people should move on and stop minding her Also I know this because back when those hate accounts happened they uploaded this and I was curious 

i mean if she doesnt see it even now that it was a bad thing to do then like…doesnt excuse her where shes from and all.. im not a fan of ppl bringing up something from years ago though especially when they were around that young age, bc we’ve all done smth we now know was unaccaptable, im not trying to justify anything or whatever i just think we used to be put out to lots of things that were so yikes now that you think back to it (and even now but now youve got more of an opportunity to look things up and everything?) like maybe a movie you used to find funny now you watch again and its so cringy, the humour is just racist/sexist/homophobic lines but no one said anything about it and its sad bc it shows how you were brought up and how your parents/relatives and other ppl around you didnt “teach” you what is supposed to be common sense..you know what i mean? its just very frustrating 

Anonymous said:Lol Lea posted a pic of herself kissing Henrik and wrote the caption as “congratulations for the gullruten award henrik and tarjei” like wHeRe’s TaRjEi and wHaT dOeS tHiS pIcTuRe hAvE tO dO wItH their gullruten award lmao. She’s just 1 insecure little girl who cant stay quiet without shoving in peoples face that shes with Henrik when He’s out there MAKING OUT with TARJEI on LIVE TV. Honestly why is she evn with Him if shes so insecure&doesnt trust him. She doesnt have to prove herself to d world

I meant.. Henrik clearly flirts with everyone.. its kinda his nature. But he isnt cheating on her (i hope so) and she should stop being so paranoid and try to prove herself to the world that Henrik is still hers. And honestly… if shes that scared.. why is she with him.. this all becomes Eva’s storyline here.

Most of the time Lea did that whenever someone talked about henjei and that it was real. And if peoples hate comments bothers her so much. theres something called turning off the comment section and putting your account on private. She only wants the attention. Theres a big chance she started dating him for the fame but then fell for him later.

im sorry, im not tryin to defend lea and honestly i couldnt care less about their relationship but its been bugging me…… just because she posts pics of herself with her boyfriend doesnt mean shes insecure in their relationship or that she doesnt trust him.. could be, but neither me or you know that and almost everyone in a relationship posts lots of pictures of themselves like theres nothing unusual about it?? also they were together/going out way before s3 got big so like ..she was proud of her boyfriend so she decided to post a pic of them, congratulating.. also the “clearly flirts with everyone” its called being nice and friendly to ppl? and no offense but instead of telling her to go private or turn off comments, maybe ppl should stop commenting hate about how shes ~using henrik when we dont know anything..do yall realize its not your relationship/life and that you dont know more than what they share? theyre both adults they can decide who they want to hang out with and if its good or not

[chickenfetus]

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these 

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse??  i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just  heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao  

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth