#sorry if i sound judgey

[berryzxx]

If you're vaping in this day and age literally what are you doing

[cathymee]

man why is mskm not biting as i thought it would be....

[spurgie-cousin]

Gift for baby, as the mom just found out she will be single mommy-ing it I would offer a sleep over: mom drop off baby one evening and picks up baby at noon the following day. She can sleep, she can go out, whatever. If you both are comfortable with it obviously. But really as a mom the gift of sleep is #1. Second option: cash or loaded card in a cute card. So she can buy diapers or a car seat or something less fun than a toy. Option 3: doorbell house by Melissa and Doug. Huge hit.

1. Would totally do the sleepover one but we're in different states lol. When I see her though I will float her the idea in case she ever needs a long weekend away or something, that is doable. Fortunately she's got a great support network in her local area, including the dad's family who have been super involved and I think are getting her a getaway for xmas. For her, I got a gift card to one of her fave stores and another for a kids clothing store she loves, I will save those other ideas!

2. It's actually better for her and baby that the dad is no longer there, he was like her second kid and just really not a good person. so it's actually lifted a lot off her shoulders (my dad had to go forcibly remove him with her uncle it was a whole thing) and she's had so many people step in and assist a lot fortunately, so all in all a better situation for everyone.

Clothes/shoes are a great idea, I got a gift card for a baby boutique she really loves just bc I figured she knows what she needs better than I do. Maybe I'll also look for some sensory activity the baby can 'use up', that could be fun!

[lilmeowmeowsagelesath]

on reddit i asked for clarification on something, and said it was a genuine question because i didn’t remember it happening, and someone downvoted my comment . okay???? lmao

[radiohart]

ik some compartmentalizing is necessary to survive nowadays and ofc TINECUGC but like idgi how ppl are so uh. efficient at it. i read this morning that cheetos r made with child labor and i can't bring myself to finish the bag in my pantry. and it's one of my favorite snacks!!! like, with even one more layer of abstraction or necessity i can do it, it's not like i can boycott target or anything, but even then like. like theres days where im on my phone and i can't even focus on the attention demon itself bc im transfixed by the history of the Actual Object, by how many Real People Touched every single part in it, like the very same Actual Object, the Real People! and now i look at my cheetos and i think of Real Children and i know that like there's nothing i can do and dwelling is a trap but like. idk i wish i understood better how ppl can so effectively shut off that instinct or if its just not nearly as common as i assume or what

[toffeesbabbles]

Ah, I can help here!

There's a doc that mentions his animation but also any posts that include him here

I also have an account @the-epic-sanses where I've been trying to archive things related to Color, Delta, and Epic who are (not canonically but have been drawn being friends by the creators). You can find canonical stuff related specifically to Color under the #Color archive tag (I'm a little behind the doc though, the doc has more I'm pretty sure 💀). For general interpretations of these characters you can just use the #Color tag. You can also check the #Epic sanses tag for all three of them if you want a dynamic outside of color spectrum duo. I'm a little behind on the archiving part but I have done like 70 posts or so.

I have a few fics and analysis posts so can also recommend if you want them. They could probably explain his character better than I could.

What do you mean there's less Colorkiller on Ao3 than Crepic. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S

(I wanted to read some colorkiller yesterday and was rather ASTOUNDED when there were only 2 pages. Like WHAT. Like, I thought Crepic was a rarepair omg 😦)

Look man, it might seem to have popularity on here but that's somewhat recent. Even then it's still very much rarier ship in the grand scheme of the fandom.... It's uncommon on other platforms with utmv on it. Hell, some people don't even know Color is IN Killers story and the ones who do probably have difficulty finding anything on him. While his editions in Killers comics are important It can be hard to grasp who he is in his entirety from just the comics ← in my experience. So I don't necessarily blame anyone. I just think Color is too obscure for most people to like... care? ig.

I think similarly to Crepic, at least from what I've seen, people tend to see them as "boring." Whilst this is an entirely valid opinion I think sometimes it can stem from lack of knowledge of the original lore. Again, not always the case and people can do what they want.

Why did this turn into a rant, anyways yeah their isn't many fics on them. Most I read are from on here not ao3.

[beanarie]

tidbit tuesday! the fic where bucktommy woo each other back through running dates is very close to donezo. excited!

~

Buck completely forgets about the bruise on his neck until Tommy utterly fails to stop staring at it.

"Oh, uh." Buck waves at the mark. "Jee's been having a rough time."

"You got clocked by a preschooler?"

"Pretty sure it was an elbow? She was waking up from a nightmare and all she could register was that the person trying to comfort her was too big to be Mommy or Daddy."

"I knew you'd get a grievous bodily injury within less than a month."

Buck should be offended, but he can't seem to care. "It's been just over a month, I think." Tommy knew from the beginning he'd want to keep doing this.

"Oh. My mistake." His smile feels secretive, just for Buck. "There goes my promising career pivot as the next Miss Cleo."

"I have, you know, been dating."

"Oh?" Tommy says, sounding unconcerned.

Yilsi was hilarious, but judgey. And terrible to wait staff.

Davide knew about so many interesting things, but he had no sense of humor whatsoever.

Tristan had this boundless enthusiasm, but they only ever wanted to talk about climbing or hiking.

Casey was... very close to the whole package. Buck can't remember what was missing there.

"Haven't found any connections worth pursuing."

"Sorry to hear that."

Eddie throws his head back and rolls his eyes at the sky. Buck dumps water on him at the first available opportunity.

[avocadofics]

I don’t know if your requests are open or not but could you do a teen autistic+adhd reader x Mha characters (prefably male or gender neutral) who has trouble saying please and thank you cuz that’s how their brain is wired and they get ridiculed a lot about it? Any character is fine obviously ignore this if you don’t want to write it :)

Oh my gosh absolutely you the first ever ask and you were so polite I’ll do my best to do this Justice.

Platonic Bakugou x autistic+adhd! Reader

Summary some of you friends don’t understand your way and start trying to “make you do better” Bakugou calls them out for their shit

Sfw

Cw: some judgey comments from a few characters about why the reader seems “rude”

You were all sitting at a table. You don’t remember who first put the idea out but now you and your friends were out for dinner. You scanned the room with you eyes making note of things that felt important to you. Where the bathroom was at. Where the food was brought out at. How long the waiter would wait to come to each table. You look at the menu again. Taking a deep breath to focus in on it.

By the time the waiter had returned you had finally made a choice.

You put you finger to the menu to point at the item

“this one” you say confidently.

“Is that everything?”

“Yeah”, you hand the waiter you menu. The waiter finishes up collecting orders and walked off.

“Aye man wasn’t that a little rude of you?” Denki said from the other side of the table.

“How so,” you questioned not seeing what was rude.

“You just sounded super rude. Like please might be a little nicer,” he shrugged

“Sorry i forget.” And that was the truth you had other things taking up you brain power it was easy to not use the term so many things are important.

“Maybe next time you can let them know your thankful for the food when they come back” ochako chimes in leaning around a few people to look at you. You nodd just to get them to move the conversation along.

When the food finally arrived you took you plate with a nodd. Not only a few seconds after you were given you plate you felt several people looking at you.

You turn to see several of your friends looking at you expectantly.

“What?”

“Say thank you” it was iida’s turn to remind you of “how you failed”

“What if I don’t want to”

“It’s rude not to” you felt yourself getting annoyed. You understood that you had a hard time explaining why you didn’t say polite grades often but you had thought this topic was over with.

“Oye I don’t remember to say thankyou or please and you never give me shit so drop it.” Bakugou speaks up annoyed at how some people seemed to be treating you.

“Compare to me they are plenty polite so next time you want to try to reprimand someone for not wanting to waste there time on pleasantries try me it’ll be fun.” He finished with a smirk.

Everyone finally turns to there food and the people next to them. Bakugou looks Acrossed the table at you

“Don’t ever think you gotta waist you energy on things that don’t matter to you okay.”

You nodd and smile glad that you got some good friends who acually care

A/n

I’m so sorry this took so long to do.

I myself am trained so hard in pleases and thank yous that this was acually hard. It was a fun challenge to do though. My original plan was to be platonic fic but wasn’t a Bakugou one but him being a character who give the least of a shit made him an easy fit.

I hope you have a good day night or evening

[silveredsound]

How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

[differentnighttale]

I have an important announcement.

Ciao bellas and bellos ,it has come to my attention that smut workers have been following me and stuff and liking.

I am a MINOR as a matter of fact and it makes me so uncomfortable to see people who do those jobs and their profiles are exposed to me.

I'm so sorry if I sound so judging and mean but I'm so fed up.Yes I know that this is the internet and I should be careful but please.

I don't judge your means of income and enjoy what makes you happy, but don't slip into my DMS or expose it towards me.

Or I'll block you.

And yet I'm so sorry if I'm being mean and judgey but is a jump scare.

To me.

Grazie and per favore seniors/seniorita.

Ciao.

Again ,I'm sorry if I came out as rude and mean.(I'm also in the ace spectrum so it could be a factor),Again,I'm sorry.

Please understand that I mean no harm.

[sakukaguxxi]

Yakult and Tobacco Part 2 | Gintama

Word count: 2.7k

C/W's: none

Summary: This is a continuation of Yakult and Tobacco, which is post-chapter 704. Part 2 takes place about 3 weeks after the end of Part 1. The Kiheitai meet Otsu and reveal what happened to Tsunpo (Bansai).

a/n: This is my 2nd Gintama fic almost one year after the 1st. I had an idea to continue the story but didn't have it planned from the beginning. You don't have to read the first Yakult and Tobacco to read this one I guess, but this is a definite sequel, and it'd be nice if more people read that too if they haven't already. As I've said before, I hope this isn't too bad. Likes and reblogs are appreciated!

Read Part 1

______

On a particular day, the Yorozuya had no plans or jobs scheduled, and it might’ve been an uneventful day if not for an unexpected visitor.

Shinpachi promptly answered the door after the doorbell rang. “Otsu-chan!” he said excitedly upon seeing who it was. “Come in. How may we help you?”

After everyone was seated, Otsu began by saying, “This might be the strangest request I’ve ever had for you, but I would like your help finding my producer Tsunpo-san.”

“He’s missing?” Gintoki asked.

“It seems like it…But I don’t know for sure. The last time I talked to him was a little over two and a half years ago. He hasn’t answered my calls or texts since then.”

“Hold on. You haven’t heard from him in that long? Sorry if this comes off as judgey–I’m really just trying to understand–but why are you just now trying to find him?”

“The last time Tsunpo-san contacted me was a few weeks before the invasion of the Altana Liberation Army. But when I tried to reach out again when it was over, no response. I didn’t know why he wasn’t responding or what could’ve happened to him. And none of my other colleagues from the music industry knew anything. It just felt like I’d hit a dead end, so I had no choice but to move on.” Otsu turned to look at Shinpachi. “I would’ve asked the Yorozuya for help sooner, but I found out Shinpachi-san was the only one running it for a while and didn’t want to burden him with a complicated problem.”

Shinpachi lowered his head. “I’m sorry, Otsu-chan. I hope we can help you this time, though.”

“It would be great to get some answers.”

Gintoki crossed one leg over the other and said, “So, if we want to get anywhere, we should start with the basics. What did Tsunpo-san look like?”

“I actually never saw his face or met him in person,” Otsu replied sheepishly.

“Oi, doesn’t it sound creepy that this guy wouldn’t show his face?”

Kagura shrugged. “I don’t know, Gin-chan. Think of all the world-famous musicians who wear costumes and masks in public.”

Otsu nodded. “Kagura-san is right. That’s why I never thought anything of it. I just really respected Tsunpo-san’s artistry. We mostly talked on the phone, but the few times we video called, he did wear a kabuki mask if he was on camera. There weren’t many physical traits I could see, but I think his hair was green.”

Gintoki’s eyebrows went up. “Was there anything else that stood out about him? Like speech patterns, behaviors…?”

“Hmm… Oh, yes! He would say gozaru instead of gozaimasu, which made him sound more old-timey. And his favorite instrument was the shamisen.”

Shinpachi considered this for a moment before saying, “Gin-san, are you thinking of the same person? Could it really be him?”

“I’m 99% positive,” Gintoki answered and turned back to Otsu. “Well, the surprisingly good news is I think we have an idea of Tsunpo-san’s real identity, but we need to confirm. Then we’ll be closer to figuring out what happened to him.”

“Really?” Otsu exclaimed, then bowed. “Thank you all so much. I knew I could count on you!”

Everyone stood up, and Kagura led Otsu to the door this time. “We’ll call you when we have an update,” she said.

After Otsu left, the three Yorozuya members contemplated their next move. If Tsunpo, Otsu-chan’s former producer, was really Kawakami Bansai, they’d need to confirm with people close to him.

……

Gintoki called up the Kiheitai, who were still residing in Edo. 

“Hello?” Takasugi answered.

“Hey, Takasugi, it’s Gintoki. Listen, I don’t mean to be blunt, but was Bansai-san a producer for the famous pop star Terakado Tsuu?”

There was a pause on the other end, followed by a chuckle. “It’s true,” Takasugi responded. “I’m surprised you finally put two and two together after all this time. But what is this about?” 

Gintoki explained the whole situation. “...Now that I’ve confirmed Tsunpo’s real identity and that he’s passed away, I can let Otsu-chan know. However… I feel like people close to him would be more fit to talk about him, so would you guys mind coming down to meet Otsu-chan?”

“Hmm…I don’t know…I’ll have to talk to the others about it and get back to you.” 

“Fine by me. I hope you consider it, though. Talk to you later.”

……

Otsu returned to the Yorozuya office the next day after a phone call. This time, though, there were also three new people she’d never met: Takasugi Shinsuke, Kijima Matako, and Takechi Henpeita.

Once introductions were out of the way, it was time to get down to business. Shinsuke started the conversation. “As you already know, we three were friends of Tsunpo, except we knew him by his real name, Kawakami Bansai. And this might come as a shock to you, but he had a different life from what you may expect. You see, we were all members of the Kiheitai, a Jouishishi faction.”

Shinsuke paused to observe her reaction and give her a chance to speak. Otsu’s face was slightly pensive. She said, “To be honest, I did not expect that, but I don’t think I can be angry or disappointed at this point by learning the truth. I’ll always have a good opinion of Tsunpo-san. He recognized my talent and helped me clean up my image when I was at the lowest point of my career. It’s thanks to him that I was able to become one of the top idols of Japan. So he passed away, huh?”

Takasugi frowned slightly. “Yeah, he passed away over two years ago in the war. But he actually died while trying to help save the world, not to destroy it. In fact, we were all there fighting the Altana Liberation Army to save the world. Looking back, I’ll always remember how Bansai believed in us and was a great friend. You should also be glad to know that music really had been a big part of his personality.”

There was a moment of silence. Finally, Shinpachi spoke up. “Bansai-san seemed like a really cool person. He was actually nice to be around at that time we were all on Rakuyou. And to think I was talking to the producer of my favorite idol and had no idea?”

Kagura smirked. “You would’ve definitely been geeking out, Pattsan.”

Otsu smiled gently. “It’s comforting to hear that Bansai-san was a good person. But I’m still sad he’s gone, even though I’d already mentally prepared myself for the worst scenario. Besides the songs he made for me, I don’t have anything else to remember him by…”

After just listening up to this point, Matako said, “You don’t need to feel so bad. We’re almost in the exact same boat as you. You see, it wasn’t possible for us to collect any of Bansai-senpai’s belongings after the war.”

“But there may still be a way to find some of Bansai-dono’s things,” Henpeita pointed out. “As the three of us know, the Kiheitai had many different hideouts. Remember, there was at least one used by Bansai-dono if he came to Edo by himself. It was actually a condo he bought, so anything he left there may still be there. The HOA couldn’t have moved his things out despite being dead either, since he also set up automatic payments for his condo fees.”

Matako raised an eyebrow. “Did Bansai-senpai tell you that?”

Henpeita bobbed his head. “It just came up in conversation one day. Those producer royalty checks are something else.”

Takasugi chuckled.

Gintoki clapped his hands once and stood up. “Then it’s settled! You Kiheitai people can go over there and see what you can find. Please bring something back for Otsu-chan to remember Tsunpo-san by.” He looked at Otsu. “If that’s what you’d like?”

Otsu looked at the Kiheitai. “I wouldn’t mind, if it’s not too much trouble…”

Takasugi stood up, followed by the other two. “Even though this wasn’t part of the original deal…” he said looking at Gintoki, then turned to Otsu, “we’ll do it.”

……

Finding the condo building and even the individual unit wasn’t very hard at all since the Kiheitai had been in the practice of keeping track of its members’ whereabouts and its hideout locations for safety and other reasons. Bansai being Shinsuke’s 2nd in command was no exception. The hardest part was probably flagging down a taxi to get from Kabukicho to the condo. 

Upon arrival, they just walked right in casually and went for the elevator. On the way up to the 22nd floor, it was silent at first until Takechi said, “Remember how I told you that while I was visiting a dragon hole, I heard a rumor that the Harusame was starting to go around collecting Altana crystals from all over the world?”

“Did the rumor end up being true?” Takasugi asked.

“Yes. In fact, I heard directly from Kamui-san the other day. He says he’s glad you’re alive, Shinsuke-dono. Apparently, they’re trying to make hair growth products from the Altana. Kamui-san got the idea from his father. The Harusame has become quite poor with no major backings, so they want to go into new ventures. He says their plan is to become a 90% legal business.”

Matako scoffed. “Just 90%?”

“You know what they say,” Shinsuke chimed in, “old habits die hard.”

They got out on the 22nd floor and walked down the hallway in silence until they found the door. Instead of a keyhole, there was a keypad lock. Shinsuke punched in what he thought he remembered the code as.

Click.

He turned the handle, and lucky for them, the door opened. 

The apartment inside wasn’t exorbitantly fancy but definitely still more upscale than cheap. There was a computer in one corner with a printer, basic producing equipment and electric keyboard, and a few feet away, an acoustic guitar sitting on a stand.

Matako picked up the guitar. “I think Otsu-chan would like this guitar.” 

Shinsuke nodded as he looked around. They could technically leave now that they had something, but he didn’t feel quite ready. 

“It’s not as dusty as I expected,” Shinsuke remarked. “Housekeeping must still come.”

“What are we gonna do with this place?” Matako wondered. “It was mostly just Bansai-senpai’s, and he’s gone now.” 

“We can’t take everything, but we can grab a few more personal items, then notify management of this resident’s passing, and they’ll take care of the rest probably.”

Shinsuke noticed Takechi was sitting at the computer clicking around. He went to stand next to him to get a closer look for himself. There appeared to be mostly mp3 files and an icon for FL Studio, a digital audio workstation, on the home screen, which wasn’t that surprising. But one thing caught his eye.

“Can you click on that?” Shinsuke instructed, pointing to where he wanted Takechi to go.

Takechi did what he was asked, and a window popped up with a picture.

“I didn’t know he took this,” Matako commented. It was a picture of the four of them having dinner at one of the hideouts. Besides Bansai flashing a peace sign for the camera, it was a completely candid photo. Behind Bansai on one side, Matako and Henpeita appeared to be arguing over something. On the other side, Shinsuke was picking up a piece of food with a smirk.

“We were actually a really good team,” she said. “I’m just glad we can at least be together like this again.”

Shinsuke turned his head for a second to look at her sympathetically. “I know the Kiheitai’s been through a lot in the past couple years, but I promise things will be different now.”

Matako smiled. “We can finally make a memorial for Bansai-senpai, huh?”

“Do you want me to print out the picture?” Takechi asked. “Hopefully it’s not out of ink. We’ve somehow been really lucky so far today.”

“Go ahead,” Takasugi said. “Print two copies while you’re at it.”

They decided to leave with the guitar, the printed photos, and a pair of headphones that looked similar to Bansai’s main pair. After the photos were printed out, Takasugi told Takechi to delete the file from the computer. He just didn’t want a picture of them floating around for any random person coming after to see since they weren’t going to take the computer. 

……

The Kiheitai ended up going back to the Yorozuya that same day to deliver the items. Gintoki then called up Otsu, and they waited until she arrived.

“Wow, you guys are fast!” she remarked.

“We found this guitar and these headphones,” Matako said. “Which one of them do you want?”

“Hmm…The guitar!”

Matako handed it off to her.

Otsu bowed. “Thank you, I’ll treasure it always.”

Takasugi pulled out one of the printed photos. “Here’s a picture of Bansai we found, too. Now you’ll finally know what he looked like.”

Otsu took the picture, and her eyebrows went up. Without taking her eyes off it, she said, “Wow, he definitely looks like the artist type. I’d expect nothing less from someone cool like Tsunpo-san…He was also quite handsome.” Now she was blushing slightly.

Shinpachi gasped dramatically in the back.

“You can keep the picture,” Shinsuke told her. “We have our own copy.”

“Thank you all again for helping me. It means so much that I could finally get some closure.” Otsu reached into her purse and took out some money, giving it to him. 

Shinsuke raised his eyebrows, then smiled. “Thank you.”

Otsu stood up and gave money to Gintoki, too, who was more than happy to accept. “Well, I better be heading out.” She picked up the guitar. “I now have some new inspiration and a new perspective, and I’m ready to channel it into a song!”

……

Later that day while back at their house, the Kiheitai finished putting together a simple memorial/shrine for Bansai and were now burning incense. On a small table, the picture was now in a frame, with the headphones laying in front of the picture and a vase of incense sticks to the side. 

None of the members were particularly religious, but paying their respects to the dead still felt appropriate as a ritual. They each put their hands together and bowed their heads.

After a minute, Matako asked, “Shinsuke-sama, do you know if there’s an afterlife?”

Takasugi shrugged. “In all seriousness, I still don’t know despite literally coming back from the dead. I actually don’t remember anything in between dying and being reborn. After experiencing that, I’d be fine to just wait a long time before learning the answer.”

“I suppose we won’t know for certain until it’s truly our time,” Takechi said. 

Matako smirked at him. “I think the lolicon is definitely going to hell,” she grumbled. 

“I’m not a lolicon, I’m a feminist.”

……

The next morning, Shinsuke and Matako were sitting outside on the veranda after breakfast to enjoy the refreshing weather. Shinsuke also was smoking his kiseru.

Henpeita came outside and said, “I finished talking to the apartment management about the death of their resident. They seemed understandably shocked yet also sad. Of course, I had to change a few details of the story…They don’t need us for anything else because we weren’t his relatives, but they told me they’d cancel his account and thanked me for notifying them.”

“Thanks for doing that, Takechi,” Shinsuke said. “Now, I’d actually like to make a call to Kamui. I’ve been thinking about what he told you, and I’m intrigued. Maybe we can be involved in some way to help.”

Matako leaned forward. “Shinsuke-sama, what kind of involvement do you have in mind? Please tell me we’ll stay away from anything too sketchy. Compared to the Harusame, even we looked like saints.”

He blew out some smoke, then locked eyes with her as he said, “I promise. I plan on asserting our boundaries and staying on the 90% legal side. We’ll all have a say in the matter.”

Matako nodded. “Okay, that’s reassuring.”

Shinsuke took a final hit from his pipe. “Anyway…I’m gonna call him now.” With that, he stood up and went inside. 

Henpeita sat down. “I look forward to what that man has in mind.”

“Let’s see where we go this time.”

______

a/n: Thanks for reading! Please like and reblog! Do you think I should keep it a duology or go for a trilogy in the future?

[anjelicawrites]

What universe/au is your poly aemond/osferth/reader stuff set in? Just curious, sorry if it sounded judgey! 🫶💜

You didn't sound judgey!!! 💖

The OG poly is set in contemporary times. Geographically speaking I try to keep it vague enough so that the Earth as we know it, and the geography of Westeros can mash up and coexist, if that makes any sense!!!

[sunlightfeeling]

so..... how did you get into smap, anyway? (i would like to hear the origin story)

hiii anon! i would love to tell this story!!

first the elevator pitch version:

like a lot of more recent fans (i.e. post-JE launch), i was a victim (affectionate) of the RGG to SMAP pipeline

…bit of a boring story, and honestly isn’t a real indication of how I got to have this brain (affectionate, i love having five old men stewing in my brain all hours of the day 👍😬)

sooo im going to tell the story of how the pipeline hit me so hard 😄

the real origin goes back to 2021…

(im gonna make a cut for this story because this is gonna be long long - i promise this isn’t an exaggeration)

so back in 2021, i had an xbox one and game pass (side note: game pass is so worth it, actually fantastic)

and I found a series that I had never heard of…Yakuza

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hX9EomZwntU

sorry

anyway

downloaded Yakuza 0 and started it up

really dug the vibes, story, music, legitimately everything

then I reached Majima’s first chapter and ooooh the opening got me good

not too long after getting to this chapter, I was graciously gifted a ps5

and one of the first things i did was…

…impulsively buy every Yakuza release on ps4

…and the Judgments as soon as I realized they were under RGG’s umbrella

…after only playing like probably less than 10 hours of a prequel

(disclaimer: i do not mean to romanticize/minimize impulse purchasing; I’m more trying to give an accurate image of how deeply invested I got in a series that essentially sent me on my path; i was/am very fortunate and cognizant of how lucky i am to be able to cover/shield myself from consequences of my actions - so to speak lol)

probably six-ish months and 2 hiatuses later, I reached Y6

and i dont know if it was because the game was the last Kiryu game (at the time) and I was getting all emotional, or if it was because the likeness to Kuroda was pretty…

<stares at pictures of Y6 Kiryu way too long>

…preeeetty 🫠

i started developing (what knowing what i know now call) a hyperfixation on not just Y6 but also Kuroda Takaya lol

basically listened to his music whenever I could/on repeat; Y6 was the only thing I wanted to spend my free time playing; etc etc etc

(for reasons, this fixation actually led me to consider my possible neurodivergence; I wonder why 🤔..🥲)

finish Y6 and become baseline-which-isnt-really-baseline normal about Yakuza when I play LAD7

but then….

“Alex, stop hyperlinking sound effects”

(affectionate)

yeahhh it’s Judgey Time

okay so ive mentioned in tags somewhere but i actually didnt have high hopes for Judgment

at all

the cover just didn’t do anything for me at all…

…and i thought the protagonist was ugly 💀

(im actually genuinely serious, this isn’t me “not like the other girls”ing; i vividly recall looking at the cover when it was about time for me to start playing it and whining to my then-bf that I wasn’t sure I was gonna like it cuz the guy looks really weird 🤣)

but i booted it up and right when Yagami shows off his badge in the prologue

girl

giiiiiirl

I didn’t realize at the time but the seed had been planted and baby that beanstalk grew

Halloween 2022 (and I only know this date for a fact because I memorialized it texting then-bf about it) is the day I decided to look up who this guy really was

I can’t recall what made me finally look him up, whether lurking on the Yakuza subreddit or just something in the game, I dunno

i shared it once but I’ll share it anytime i can…

^^ this was my first Kimura photo

the first one I actually paid more than just a passing glance at anyway……

…i finished judgment in like two/three weeks [and not in a rushed playthrough by any means - getting all the cats, doing all the side cases/romance, etc.] (have a text trail of me going into the finale and date stamp is p exactly two weeks from Halloween 🥲)

started lost judgment immediately because i have texts days after this bitching about dropping money on the dlc before even starting it lol (again: not recommending/romanticizing; just giving perspective on how active my brain was about RGG/Kimura already)

now this…..this is where my timeline gets fuzzy

because i cant really remember how fast i beat lj before starting his dramas

or if maybe i started them before even finishing the game

skipping ahead to January 2023 and I’ve definitely wrapped lj by this point

and have watched a fair amount of kimura dramas (i genuinely cant give a number tho 😭)

around this point, ive determined that im fairly confident in being audhd

and i personally would have described kimura as a combined special interest-hyperfixation at this point (because the intensity would ebb and flow in a way)

started collecting things, starting with his albums and his live recordings (and eventually a lot lot more [I’ll get back to scanning consistently eventually I promise lol])

the defining moment to when I finally crossed from Kimura to SMAP…

…was actually watching Go with the Flow

I had heard bits of SMAP, but, as many unfortunately discover, accessibility to their music is…..well it’s just not there lol

I even got YouTube Music because I found playlists of SMAP performances and could just listen to them while I was working or driving

not that I could really hear them all that well since they were all live performances w screaming or muffled audio/crunchy audio/remixes/etc etc etc

(except for pams seigi shoutout to pams seigi [sorry goro 😔; also i linked that specific one for the tags but please look in the reblogs for a diff version of seigi that they did because it’s ridiculously good])

On Go with the Flow, Kimura performs “Style” which made me go on basically a witch-hunt to find the song since it wasn’t an album track and I didn’t know SMAP’s discography

Eventually found out it was SMAP (Kimura solo on s.m.a.p specifically) and decided that I actually really needed to listen to SMAP

aaaaaand I did ☺️

and then I found Jes yeah no I definitely didn’t

and…that is my SMAP origin story

[stardustcrusader]

So I stopped at a Jack-in-the-Box on the way here and the girl said 'Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?' not 'How are you doing today?' but 'Are you having an awesome day?' Which is pretty shitty because it puts the onus on me to disagree with her, like if I'm not having an 'awesome day,' I'm suddenly the negative one. Usually when people ask me how I'm doing the real answer is I'm doing shitty, but I can't say I'm doing shitty because I don't even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say 'I'm doing shitty,' and they're like 'Why? What's wrong?' and I have to be like 'I dunno, all of it.' So instead when people ask me how I'm doing I say 'I am doing so great.' But when this girl in the Jack-in-the-Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought 'Well today, I'm actually allowed to feel shitty. Today I have a good reason.' So I said 'My mom died.' and she immediately burst into tears. So I have to comfort her, which is annoying, and meanwhile there's a line of people forming behind me who are all giving me these really judgey looks because I made the Jack-in-the-Box girl cry. And she's bawling and she's saying 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!' and I'm like, 'It's fine, it's fine. I mean it's not fine, but you know it's fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal and I've kinda got somewhere to be, so less with the crying and more with the frying, huh?' Then the girl apologizes again, and offers me a free churro with my meal. And as I'm leaving I think 'I just got a free churro because my mom died. No one ever tells you that when your mom dies, you get a free churro.' [Throat clearing] Anyways, that's not part of the uh, okay, here we go. Let's do this. Here I am, Bojack Horseman, doing a eulogy, let's go." [...] "Beatrice Horseman, who was she? What was her deal? Well, she was a horse. She was born in 1938. She died in 2018. One time she went to a parade. And one time she smoked an entire cigarette in one long inhale; I watched her do it. Truly a remarkable woman. Lived a full life, that lady, all the way to the end--which is uh, now, I guess. It really makes you think though, huh? Life, right? It goes by, stuff happens, then you die. Okay, well that's my time, tip your waitress. Nah, I'm just kidding around. There's no waitress, but that's all I have to say about my mother. No point in beating a dead horse, right? So [inhales] Mom, you got any ideas? Anything? Mom? No? Nothing to contribute? Knock once if you're proud of me. Can I just say how amazing it is to be in a room with my mother and I can just talk and talk without her asking me to shut up and make her a drink? Hey mom, knock once if you think I should shut up. No, you sure? I mean I don't wanna embarrass you by making this eulogy into a me-logy. So, seriously if you want me to sit down and let someone else have a turn, knock once and I will not be offended. No? Your funeral. Sorry about the closed-casket by the way. She wanted an open-casket but, uh she's dead now, so who cares what she wanted. No, that sounds bad. [Stuttering] I'm sorry, but I-I think if she could've seen what she looked like dead she would've agreed it's better this way. I mean she looked like this. [Agonized expression] Kinda like a pissed off toy dinosaur. Coroner couldn't get her eyes closed so now her face is forever frozen in a mask of tremendous horror and anguish; or as my mom called it: Tuesday. Tuesday. My mom called it Tuesday. Hey mom, what'd you think of that joke? You like that? You never did care for my comedy. [Clears throat] Here's a story. When I was a teenager, I performed a comedy routine for my high school talent show. There was this, uh cool jacket I wanted to wear because I thought it made me look like Albert Brooks. For months I saved up for this jacket and when I finally had enough I went to the store and it was gone. They'd just sold it to someone else. So I went home and I told my mother and she said 'Let that be a lesson: that's the good that comes from wanting things.' She was really good at dispensing life lessons that always seemed to circle back to everything being my fault. But then, on the day of the talent show, my mother had a surprise for me. She had bought me the jacket... and even though she didn't know how to say it, I knew that she loved me. Now that's a good story about my mother--it's not true. But it's a good story, right? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when I was a kid where she talks about her father. I remember when I saw it thinking 'That's the kind of story I wanna tell about my parents when they die.' But I don't have any stories like that. All I know about being good I learned from TV. And in TV flawed characters are always showing they care with these surprising grand gestures; and I think a part of me still believes that's what love is. But in real life, the big gesture isn't enough. You need to be consistent. You need to be dependably good. You can't just screw everything up and take a boat out into the ocean to save your best friend or solve a mystery and fly to Kansas. You need to do it everyday, which is so hard. When you're a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough. That even though your parents aren't what you need them to be over and over and over again, at any moment they might surprise you with something... wonderful. I kept waiting for that. The proof that even though my mother was a hard woman, deep down, she loved me, and cared about me, and wanted me to know that I made her life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting. Hey Mom. Knock once if you love me and care about me and want me to know I made your life a little bit brighter. [Silence] My mother did not go gentle into that good night. She went clawing and fighting and thrashing--hence the face. If you'd seen her, I swear to god, the only thing you'd be thinking about right now is that I am nailing this impression. I was in the hospital in those last moments and they were truly horrifying. Full of nonsensical screams and cries, but there was this one moment, this one instant of strange... calm. Where she looked in my direction and said 'I See You.' That's the last thing she said to me. 'I See You.' Not a statement of judgement or disappointment. Just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person in a room. 'Hello there. You are a person, and I see you.' Lemme tell ya, it's a weird thing to feel at fifty four years old that for the first time in your life your mother sees you. It's an odd realization that that's the thing you've been missing; the only thing you've been wanting all along. To be seen. And it doesn't feel like a relief to finally be seen, it feels mean. Like 'Oh, turns out that you knew what I wanted and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.' I was prepared for more cruelty. I was sure that she would get in one final zinger about how I let her down and about how I was fat and stupid and too tall to be an effective Lindy Hopper. About how I was needy, and a burden, and an embarrassment. All that I was ready for. I was not ready for 'I See You.' Only my mother would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection on her way out. But maybe I'm giving her too much credit. Maybe it wasn't about connection. Maybe it was a... maybe it was an 'I See You' like 'I SEE YOU' like 'You might have the rest of the world fooled, but I know exactly who you are.' That's more my mom's speed. Or... maybe she just literally meant 'I see you... You are an object that has entered my field of vision.' She was pretty out of it at the end there, so maybe it's dumb to try to attribute it to anything. Back in the 90's I was in a very famous TV show called Horsin' Around. Please hold your applause. And I remember one time a fan asked me 'Hey, um, you know that episode where the horse has to give Ethan a pep talk after Ethan finds out his crush only asked him to the dance because her friends were having a dorkiest date contest? In all the shots of the horse, you can see a paper coffee cup on the kitchen counter, but in the shots of Ethan, the coffee cup's missing. Was that because the show was making a statement about the fluctuant subjectivity of memory and how even two people can experience the same moment in entirely different ways?' And I didn't have the heart to like, 'No man, some crew guy just left their coffee cup in the shot.' So instead I was like 'Yeah.' And maybe this is the coffee cup. Maybe we're dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing. Maybe when someone says 'I See You.' it just means 'I see you.' Then again, maybe she wasn't even talking to me, because if I'm being honest, she wasn't really looking at me. She was looking just past me. There was nobody else in the room, so I wanted to think she was talking to me. But honestly she was so far gone at that point who knows what she was seeing. Who're talking to, ma? Not saying, huh? Staying mum." [...] "Maybe she saw my dad. My dad died about ten years ago from injuries he sustained during a duel. When your father dies you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like ‘Wait did you say he died in a duel?’ and ‘Who dies in a duel?’ The whole thing was so stupid. Dad spent his entire life writing this book, but he couldn’t get any stores to carry it or any newspapers to review it. Finally I guess this one newspaper thought he was pretty hilarious because they ran a review and tore him to shreds. So my father, ever the proud Mary, decided that he would not stand for this besmirchment of his honor and he claimed the critic didn’t understand what it meant to be a man. So he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn. He wrote the paper this letter saying ‘anyone who didn’t like his book he would challenge to a duel.’ Anyone in the world. He’d even pay for airfare to San Francisco and a night at a hotel. Well eventually this found its way to some kook in Montana who was about as batshit as he was and he took him up on the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed ten paces, then shoot. But in the middle of the ten paces, Dad turned to ask the guy if he’d read the book and what he’d thought, but not looking where he was going, he tripped over an exposed root, fell, and bashed his head on a rock. I wish I’d known to go to Jack-in-the-Box then. Maybe could’ve gotten a free churro. Would’ve been nice to have something to show for being the son of Butterscotch Horseman. My darling mother gave the eulogy. Mind you, during my entire life I had never heard her say a kind word to or about my father, but at his funeral she said ‘My husband is dead and everything is worse now.’ ‘My husband is dead and everything is worse now.’ I dunno why she said that. Maybe she felt like that’s the kinda thing you’re supposed to say at a funeral. Maybe she hoped that one day someone would say that about her. My mother is dead and everything is worse now. Or maybe she knew that he had frittered away all her inheritance and replaced it with crippling debt. Which is a pretty shitty thing to leave your widow with. Bad news you lost a husband, but don’t worry, you also lost the house. Maybe Mom knew she’d have to sell her fancy jewelry and move into a home. Maybe that’s what she meant by ‘everything is worse now.’ Is that what you meant, Mom? I gotta say I’m really carrying this double-act. At least with Penn and Teller, at least the quiet one does card tricks.” [...] “What’s the difference between a first-year lit major and my mother, Beatrice Horseman? One’s well-read and the other’s a huge bitch. Yeah might’ve gone a little too far with that one. That might’ve been too ‘huge bitch’ for the room. I’m sorry, Mother, you’re not a huge bitch. You were a huge bitch... and now you’re dead. You know the first time I ever performed in front of an audience was actually with my mom. She used to put on these shows with her supper club in the living room and she used to make [inhales] she used to make me sing the lollipop song... And those parties, they were really something. There were skits and magic acts and ethically insensitive vaudeville routines and the big finale was always a dance my mother did. She had this beautiful dress that she only brought out for these parties and she did this incredible number and it was so beautiful... and sad. Dad hated those parties. He locked himself in the study and would bang on the walls for us to keep it down, but he always came out to see Mom dance. He'd linger in the doorway, scotch in hand, and watch in awe as this cynical, despicable woman he married took flight. And as a child who was completely terrified of both my parents, I was always aware that this moment of grace--it meant something. We understood each other in a way; me and my mom and my dad. As screwed up as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother, she knew what it's like to feel your entire life like you're drowning with the exception of these moments. These very rare, brief instances in which you suddenly remember you can swim. But then again, mostly not. Mostly you're drowning. She understood that, too. And she recognized that I understood it, too... and Dad. All three of us were drowning and we didn't know how to save each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. And I would like to think that that's what she meant when we were in the hospital and she said 'I See You.' You know the weird thing about both your parents being dead is that it means you're next. I mean, it's not like there's a waitlist for dying; any one of us could be run over by a Snapchatting teen at any moment and you'd think that knowing that would make us more adventurous and kind and forgiving, but it makes us small and stupid and petty. I actually had a near-death experience recently. A stunt went bad and I fell off a building. I'm an actor. I do my own stunts. I work on this show Philbert. I'm Philbert. It hasn't come out yet, but it's getting heavy buzz. And, oh, speaking of buzz I'm supposed to take two of these every morning, but my mornings are so screwed up because of the shooting schedule I don't even know what mornings mean anymore. There's a joke in there about a guy who's been to so many funerals he doesn't even know what mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure out what that one means for yourselves. Anyway, wanna know what I thought when I was falling off that building and I went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain could come up with before I died: 'Won't they be sorry.' Cool thought, brain." [...] "I don't even know what 'they' I wanted to be sorry. My mom, even before she died, could barely remember who I was, and of course, my dad's dead. The last conversation I ever had with him was about his novel. He was so certain this book was his legacy. Maybe he thought it would vindicate him from all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid worthless life. Maybe he didn't. Dunno. Never read it--'cause why would I give him that? I used to be on this TV show Horsin' Around. Seriously, though, hold your applause. Well held. It was written by my friend, Herb Kazzaz, who's also dead now, and this little girl named Sarah Lynn, and it was about these orphans. And early on, the network had a note: 'Maybe don't mention they're orphans so much, since audiences tend to find orphans sad and not relatable.' But I never thought the orphans were sad, I always thought they were lucky because they could imagine their parents to be anything they wanted. They had something to long for. Anyway, we did this one season finale when Olivia's birth mother comes to town and she was a junkie, but she's gotten herself cleaned up and she wants to be in Olivia's life again. And of course, she's just like a perfect, grown-up version of Olivia and they go to the mall and get her ears pierced like she's always wanted and--sorry, spoiler alert for the season six finale of Horsin' Around if you're still... working your way through it. Anyway, the horse tries to warn her 'Be careful, moms have a way of letting you down.' But Olivia just thinks the horse is jealous. When the mom says she's moving the California, Olivia decides to go with her--and the network really juiced the cliffhanger. Is Olivia gone for good? But, of course, it's a TV show; she's not gone for good. But, of course, it's a TV show; Olivia's mother had a relapse and had to go back to rehab so Olivia had to hitchhike all the way home--getting rides from Mr. T, Malf, and the cast of Snop. Because of course that's what happened. What're you gonna do? Not have Olivia on the show? You can't have happy endings in sitcoms--not really--because then the show would be over and above all else the show has to keep going. There's always more show. And you can call Horsin' Around dumb or bad or unrealistic but there's nothing more realistic than that. You never get a happy ending because there's always more show. I guess until there isn't. My mom would hate it if she knew I spent so much time at her funeral talking about my old TV show, or maybe she'd think it was funny that her idiot son couldn't even do this right; who knows. She left no instructions for what she wanted me to say. All I know is that she wanted an open casket and that her idiot son couldn't even do that right. I'm not gonna stand up here and pretend I ever knew how to please that woman, even though so much of my life has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out. But I keep going back to that moment in the ICU when she looked at me. 'I See You.' 'I. C. U.' Jesus Christ. We were in the intensive care unit. She was just reading a sign. My mom died and all I got was this free churro. You know the shittiest thing about all this? Is when that stranger behind the counter that gave me that free churro is that small act of kindness showed more compassion than my mother gave me in her entire god damn life. Like, how hard is it to do something nice for a person? This woman at the Jack-in-the-Box didn't even know me. I'm your son. All I had was you. [Inhales.] I had this friend and right around when I first met her, her dad died and I actually went with her to the funeral. And months later she told me she didn't understand why she was still upset because she never even liked her father. It made sense to me because I went through the same thing when my dad died and I'm going through the same thing now. You know what it's like? It's like that show Becker. You know, with Ted Dansen? I watched the entire run of that show hoping it would get better and it never did. It had all the right pieces but it just--it couldn't put them together and when it got cancelled I was really bummed out. Not because I liked the show but because I knew it could be so much better and now it never would be and that's... what losing a parent is like. It's like Becker. Suddenly you realize you'll never have the good relationship you wanted and as long as they were alive, even though you'd never admit it, part of you--the stupidest goddamn part of you--was still holding onto that chance. And you didn't even realize it until that chance went away. My mother is dead and everything is worse now. Because now I know I'll never have a mother who looks at me from across the room and says 'Bojack Horseman, I see you.' But I guess it's good to know. Good to know that there is nobody looking out for me. That there never was. That there never will be. So, it's good to know that I'm the only one I can depend on. And I know that now and it's good. It's good that I know that. So. It's good my mother's dead. Well, no point in beating a dead horse. Beatrice Horseman was born in 1938 and died in 2018 and I have no idea what she wanted... Unless she just wanted what we all want. To be seen.

-- Bojack Horseman, Season 5 Episode 6 "Free Churro"

[thegamingcatmom]

helloo again! it’s the same asker as last time (the pee ask!)

i just wrote/sent a follow up ask but i don’t think it actually sent!😭 ‘cause tumblr is dumb! grrr! so im writing it out again! but if it magically did send then you can just ignore this ask haha!

so i was messaging to say i’m sorry if my ask came across as really blunt to you because i really didn’t mean for it to sound that way. but when i just read it back again along with your nice reply, i realized my ask sounded kinda super blunt and could maybe read as sorta… judgey?? like maybe it came across like i was gonna kinkshame or something?

but i promise that wasn’t the case at all!! i definitely would never kinkshame anyone ever!! and i didn’t mean to sound blunt. it’s just that i’m autistic and sometimes when i communicate over written message i sound blunt in a negative way even though i don’t mean to. i struggle with sometimes coming across as rude in messages when i am asking questions, even though i don’t mean to, when in reality i’m getting straight to the point in my message because i’m excited to be asking a question about something.😅

i actually sent that ask about the piss kink because im into omorashi (or omo for short) which is like getting turned on by the feeling of needing to pee/having a full bladder and also wetting (or getting turned on by seeing someone else needing to pee/making someone else hold their full bladder and seeing someone else wetting it making someone else wet themselves etc).

so seeing it show up in most of your ellie posts just made me wonder if that sorta thing was something you yourself were personally into (‘cause obviously lots of writers put their own sexual interests in their writing) or if it was something you thought maggot momma herself would be into.😊

Hey again, pee-anon!

I actually didn´t receive any other ask from you (cause Tumblr is, indeed, pretty stoopid sometimes) so it´s a good thing you´ve sent it again. 😜

No need to apologize at all, really. I didn´t think it was rude or judgey or anything like that. I simply took it for what it was - an ask about a piss kink lol. Also, it´s only natural to be curious about certain things, especially if you feel like you can identify with it in some way. It also shows me that my posts evoke some sort of reaction at least, so I´m happy to answer any question someone might have, really. 😊

(Unless you decide to be nasty af about it because in that case - you can just f right off and Imma send Maggot Momma after your sorry ass.)

As I´ve stated before, I myself don´t see it as a kink. More as a bit of a lighter moment in between all the madness and blood and guts and gore galore that´s going on in this (cursed) building.

Now, would Maggot Momma be into it? Considering I see her as a rather animalistic being with primal instincts in general (such as dry humping you into oblivion) I think she could be into it. But not in an overly sexual way, more like

I´m in the middle of something here (that something being you) and I cba about your worries rn (or ever) because your smell and if you gotta be like that - all dramatic as per usual- then she´s just gonna make herself a bit heavier on purpose and squish you a bit more all while never taking her eyes off you and basically daring you to do it because it would also show her the absolute power she has over you and-

...Okay yeah, I can see why Maggot Momma might be into it after all lmao.

Now I might have to write a little something about it because now I wanna see it play out, whoopsie.

I´m in the middle of writing yet another mommy kink post (you can thank mommy-kink-anon for that) but Imma keep your ask in mind for sure, so stay tuned!

[formulatrash]

every time I go into a driver tag and see an x reader or one of those audio things (clicked one for curiosity, decided it sounded nothing alike and was also super bad, sorry, my opinion) the blog instantly gets blocked and I am feeling quite happy with it. I can enjoy the parts I love (fanfics where I expect them - an AO3, gifs in the drivers tags), and everyone else can enjoy the content I don't enjoy without bothering me.

But I agree with you, I kinda have my moments where I feel old and think I don't enjoy the "new things" people come up with these days, which for me is about the themes, the lingo and everything. At least with a kinkmeme I knew what stuff to avoid, now being treated as a possession seems to be seen as cute...

somehow it hadn't occurred to me to just block like everything including the f1 x reader tag, even though I'm a huge advocate for blocking anything you don't wanna see on the internet. wow, I am stupid.

admittedly the Lando tag is now even more broken than it was before but it's a quieter life and I figure I am not really someone who ought to be seeing reader x driver fic. in terms of F1 fandom I'm here for the gifs and the significantly improved analysis compared to other parts of the internet but there's obviously some shit I Should Not See.

like, idk, I'm definitely not here to shame anyone who likes audios - I don't get it but there's a lot of stuff in the F1 fandom I don't get and most of them aren't on Tumblr. so I don't want to sound judgey, just that clearly as a journalist (or whatever I am these days) I shouldn't be interacting with that so blocking is the most sensible thing for me.