#sorry i've been so distant!
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Circus mommmmmmmmaaaaaaaaa :D
MY ASTRAL CHILD I HAVE RETURNED!!!!
#ask#my astral child! <3#sorry i've been so distant!#phone acting funny recently makes tumblr on it tyring#already looking around for sales on good ones with memory and battery#tho it was more because exams nearing and discovering 17 hundred thousands words fic#aaaaand probably hermit side kicking back in a bit...#'^^
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ten people i'd like to know better!
I was tagged in a thing! Thank you @ex0rin for tagging me in the thing.
last song: Sufjan Stevens - The Only Thing (also Disease by Lady Gaga running through my head on a loop)
favourite colour: blush pink
last book: In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan
last movie: Joker Folie à Deux, which I know everyone's been hating on, but I expected Gaga in a musical and I got that, so
last tv show: currently watching The Penguin and Agatha All Along, and also started Euphoria a few weeks ago because I got Crave in order to watch The Penguin
sweet/spicy/savory: sweet, but not too sweet
relationship status: been with my partner for a looong time. Like, uh *quick calculation* 40% of my life currently
last thing i googled: the word 'hyperbole' to make sure I was using it correctly, even though I've used and looked up and used and looked up that word a billion times before. This is the anxiety I have over words and not wanting to sound dumb by misusing them
current obsession(s): watching the fall leaves change colour, finding local cafe and pop-up market gems, christmas knitting, cooking/baking my way through Smitten Kitchen
looking forward to: going to a Rocky Horror shadowcast tonight in my last-minute thrown together Sofia Falcone costume
no pressure tags (as always): @unlikelymilliner, @thepiper0fhameln, @violenciorp, @goretier, @zsparz and anyone else who sees this, consider yourself tagged!
#tag game#about me#this is what I've been up to lately while neglecting my poor blog I'm so sorry bb I've been distant
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Sometimes, I need to do important stuff like shower and cook, but all I can think about is Aventurine lately. It's a problem.
#[ there are also distant possible zhongli leaks and i'm losing my @$%%& mind because i realize any mention of him-- ]#[ gets my eyes glossy. they're not even heavy in content but my lore brain is going rabid. i just need. i need celestia lore. ]#[ like i need air in my lungs. and /zhongli/. UGH. i love that man so very much it's unreal. it's been a moment since i've cried over him.#[ wriothesley and zhongli are tied at the top in terms of favorite characters-- but zhongli is just. he hits me differently. ]#[ the end of havria's quest gets me emotional in the same way that ezio does at the end of revelations. it never changes. ]#[ i can listen and watch footage 50000 times but i /still/ react emotionally and i'll ramble forever after (sorry lottie). ]#[ i just need the lore. i just need the mental meta. i just. i just need people to talk about this man. and his insane lore. and theories.#[ /bites fist. ]#[ out of character. ] don't bend or water it down. don't try to make it logical. rather: follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.
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hope everyone is doing good today
#harvey's new text tag#i'm doing ok; still having the sleep problems but i don't feel brain foggy so that's good/#sorry about being so distant i've mostly been active on discord as usual/
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Also, while we're on the topic of my parents being human turds:
Last year, I worked at a school (hey, preschool teacher here!) and when that year was over (you have no idea how difficult it was, lol) I didn't want all those group projects that I had made with the kids to be thrown out, so I took them with me inside a huge plastic bag.
Now, there is no way of really showing this to you, but my room is a mess. And it is this way because I have too many stuff (such as clothes, books, funko pops) while the room is not that big. And to be honest, I don't want to throw anything away. So, as you can guess, that plastic bag didn't help.
So, my boyfriend suggested, that he could take that bag and keep it at his home, since they have extra room, and I said 'sure'. He didn't do it tho.
And here's where my stupid parents come into the story!
They already don't like him (lol, it's not because of anything that he has done, I believe that they would like him only if he was filthy rich and beat me up like they used to) so they use his suggestion and his failure to deliver, as a way to both diminish him and me, because I continue this relationship.
Mind you, these are the same people who have promised me a lot of stuff and always failed to deliver.
I still remember being 3 or 4, watching commercials about Disneyland in Paris on TV and them promising me that they would take me there when I'd finish elementary school. Guess what, I am 29, 17 years out of elementary school and still, I've never been there!
And I remember, being like 18 or 19, and them telling me that they'd search for a small appartment for me to rent, in order for me to start being more independent, and even said that they'd help me with the bills. Did that happen? Of course not! Back then, I also had a therapist who, when I told her what my parents said about renting me an appartment, replied with a "They won't do it, it's all a lie" And she was right!
They even repeated that promise when I was 26, I flat out told them that I don't believe them, and I was right!
It's not like I expect them to do big things for me. They cannot even have basic human decency. It's the lack of self awareness and the gashlighting that gets me everytime tho!
#sorry for my long rants and my horrible english by the way#by the way said bf is also quite flawed#so him not doing something he said he'd do didn't surprise me#we've been together for almost 7 years#and we've spent the last 2 arguing#like ever since my grandmother got into the hospital and passed away he has said some things that have made me grow distant#for example i was mourning her loss and 5 days later he was whining for 2 hours straight#because i didn't want to go to a christmas party with him#another example is that he got jealous#when a stand up comedian that i've been following for some years#invited me to one of his shows#btw of course i went#then he'll say he's sorry and that he loves me#i'll try to better manage my behaviour and feelings#and we'll keep on staying together#mind you this very summer due to us fighting for half of july#i spent some evenings with panic attacks and had difficulty at breathing#and when i went away to the countryside in august he couldn't understand why i wanted to distance myself#and the one time when i had a panic attack there was when he wouldn't end a call#anyway we're okay for now#scorpion-flower#bad parenting#text#long post#we were the kings and the queues
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💛🩵 Have a nice day!
anon!! thank you so much <3 I hope your day is amazing!
#sorry I've been so busy skfjdjfj hopefully I'll be more regularly online soon :3#anon beloved#distant screaming screams into the void
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PRECINCT 41 BULLPEN (C-Wing) -- The main workroom of C-wing is busy this time of day, full of officers milling about to get reports submitted so they can punch out and go home before they’re caught and assigned a last-minute evening field case. You spent years of your life, nearly two decades, here in this room in this building. And you had to be given a tour when you were taken back in. You have only been back for a few days, restricted to pencil-pushing until your general sanity can be vouched for and also until Kim’s transfer finalizes. Whichever takes longer.
SUGGESTION -- No one else would agree to partner with you, and in Jamrock no officer can go into the field alone. It’s a matter of policy, your questionable faculties notwithstanding. So you’d better get to liking the drone work-- you’ll be stuck at this desk until Kim gets here. Maybe longer.
ESPRIT DE CORPS (Easy: Success) -- On the other side of the silk mill, two people are dressing down in the locker room. Patrol officers Tillbrook and Mollins speak to each other over a wall of lockers for privacy. “Did you see? Tequila’s back. I thought he finally kicked it.”
ESPRIT DE CORPS -- “Do I want to see?” Mollins peeks around a row of lockers to grin. “How bad is it? Do we need to evacuate?”
ESPRIT DE CORPS -- The shake of his head carries an air of confusion. “He was… quiet. The rumors were true-- I had to reintroduce myself.” At Mollins’ scoff of disbelief, he continues-- “I saw him in the hall and I said, ‘Hey, Tequila!’ and he gave me this funny look and went-- do you know what he said? He just said ‘Don’t call me that, please.’ and he kept on walking. He said *please*, Emelie.”
ESPRIT DE CORPS -- “So he really did lose his mind. I guess the jury’s out on whether he found it like you said he would.” Mollins shrugs. “I give it a week. Maybe two, if he and Vicquemare manage to avoid each other.”
ESPRIT DE CORPS -- “Before he finds it?”
ESPRIT DE CORPS -- Mollins smiles. It is not sincere. There is worry, maybe fear, etched into the lines around her mouth. “Before he loses it again.”
#disco elysium#disco elysium fic#hm.#harry du bois#lately i've been really interested in like. outside perspectives on harry. especially from The Before Times#how people perceive him especially now that he's so different#whether they're even willing to reevaluate their perceptions of him at this point#whether they're openly skeptical about his condition/intentions (jean) or just hold quiet reservations (kim initially)#whether they knew him well enough to give up hope for him#vs being distant enough that they can try to believe in him this time (judit only knew him for 2 months after all)#really no one at the station actually cares. at work he's become a spectacle instead of a person#everyone is just hanging around to watch the tequila sunset show no one gives a shit how it ends as long as it stays entertaining#honestly i think after martinaise everyone is just holding their breath around harry. pure anticipation of the next spiral#at least before they had a solid idea of his limits and what would provoke him and stuff but now?#they're not sure how much of him is gone. it makes him even scarier tbh#kiwipost#wrote a whole new analysis post in the tags of a microfic lmfaoooooo sorry
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Actually you know what, fuck it. I'm done posting miserable updates. I feel awful and they make me feel even worse. Things are so absolutely shit right now but it's almost Halloween and I'm still having dreams and talking to people and I have a fun Sunday planned with someone I care about and I'm two weeks away from seeing my best friend in person again and I'm thinking about fun ideas even if my brain is determined to forget them instantly and the cats are gonna be cute and I'm gonna eat food I enjoy and watch stuff I want. My body and brain are fucking destroyed but I'm over it, I have tried and nothing will be fixed immediately so I'm just!!! Tired of whining!!! I'm alive and that's enough right now. I'm stressed and I'm going to be stressed for a while but posting about it isn't helping me process anything
#I'm sorry I've been so unresponsive and so distant and so cold and so irresponsible#I really am trying but I have to do what I can right now to like. keep anything going#I'm gonna be better because I want to be better but I just need time
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i feel so love-starved it makes me feel so miserable
#sorry for trauma dumping but it feels like i've lost both my parents bc my father has always been so emotionally distant#the love i used to receive was all coming from my mum and now that she's gone i feel so alone so unloved so unworthy of love#not having close friends anymore doesn't help it#and yeah i know that my brother loves me and my family does too but they're not her and they can't give me what i need (i'm not saying#it's their fault bc ofc it's not it is what it is)
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boss just sat me down and basically asked what's wrong with me again
#i went home sick last friday and i guess someone said i did something wrong at work#when im 99% sure i didn't??#anyway. they also think I've been quieter lately#i feel bad. im mad because of the whole situation with my shitty coworker#but my boss slipped up and said 'we're friends - well. sorry. we're not /friends/ I'm your boss but -'#so clearly he views me as a friend but is trying to set professional boundaries#I just feel guilty#i don't even know why this is getting to me so much#i guess it feels like someone just listed off all of the things I'm doing wrong and pointed them out to me#and that paired with the fact that I was caught off guard by it#i hate being caught off guard#idk#anyway the apartment cat came over to hang out for a bit but she was distant#so the perceived rejection really hit me#i swear to god i don't realise how insane i am til i write all this out#anyway. i don't have any drugs left other than some random opioids#which is basically russian roulette#in terms of dosage because they're all wildly different#so I'll probably stay sober tonight#which is for the best :/#if I want to wake up on time to work tomorrow#it's not even anything. im mostly just trying to avoid my creepy shitty coworker#but i can't say that! so i guess everyone just thinks i hate them noe#now*#and they probably all secretly hate me#since he said that a few people have mentioned that I've been quieter lately#so I'm not even doing a good job putting up my ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ facade#which is like. my only skill and asset#anyway. time to think about dying and never eat again ig#mine
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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#wishtalks#vent post time ^_^ yay ^_^#feeling very neglected atm#nothing feels like it's going right anymore#school has been tough im literally failing exams#barely have any times for hobbies anymore because i've gotten so busy#depression has been hitting really bad stopping me from being nearly as productive as I should be at a daily basis#I can't shake off the feeling of being burned out from that alone#it doesn't help that i've been struggling to connect to ANYONE at all lately#classmates are nice people but the connection I feel with them is so superficial.#Feels like i'm only ever around because I'm just there by default#I feel like people only really fuck with me here because it directly benefits them#I feel so wrong#I feel like the way I am right now I can never truly connect with people#the few friends I had back home are all growing more distant#they themselves are busy and this new timezone schedule just makes me completely unavailable#I feel like things haven't gotten better for the past 8 months and instead is either remaining stagnant or getting worse#and I can't do anything about it except for idly sit by and watch it deteriorate in front of me#but in a way I don't fault anyone. I would have wanted others to live their lives without me.#It's funny that thought I was deserving of anything different#the only way I can cope is by just accepting that i'm wrong and this is how just how it's supposed to be for people like me#I'm just tired. Nothing I do ever feels right. I feel like the world is telling me I don't deserve anything and I kind of agree#I'm so used to the feeling of neglect it sometimes feels like i'm actively pushing any help or support away. but nothing else feels right#I feel like i've exhausted every person willing to help me out. I feel like nothing helps anymore and im just slowing others down#if you know me personally and you're reading this. i'm sorry I failed you#I'll be okay I just need time to pass
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#life continuously feels less real the longer time goes on#the older I get and the more people I lose the more disconnected from this earthly plane I become#and it's extra spicy right now#I have so many regrets about the way I've been distant from people I care about#I will NEVER get the chance to get to know my little cousin as an adult because he's gone#I will never get to experience sitting on the trampoline and talking to him ever again and I only got to do it once#summer is going to come and I'm going to remember all over again that when I go home to visit he won't be there#he'll never be there again#and my other cousin#she hates family socializing#but she lives so far away now#and my family never gets together anymore#too many missing faces#too little laughter#too few smiles#I'm sorry#I have such a great and terrible grief sloshing around in my chest#and it doesn't get any better because every year a new grief comes and I'm afraid I'm going to drown in it
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give yourself a reason
lando norris x fem!reader
summary : you believe yourself to be unworthy of love. lando shows you otherwise.
warnings : a lot of angst with a whole lot of comfort, fluffy, friends to lovers, mentions of mental health issues and insecurities, swearing, based off 'call your mom' by noah kahan.
wc : 2.7k
req : no
rory speaks : hi this is my first proper fic on here! it deals with quite serious topics, so please remember to reach out if you are struggling. i've had a lot going on, so this is just a self-indulgent splurge that turned into a fic so... enjoy! feedback very much appreciated <3
masterlist
After carving out a couple weeks from your schedule, you found yourself walking, or at least trying to walk, down Monégasque streets, away from the noise of the nightlife. Your head was fuzzy and the movement of your legs was just a little concerning, as you trailed slightly behind the rest of the group.
Getting this drunk wasn’t in your plans for tonight, though you welcomed it with open arms, as it offered some sort of respite from whatever the fuck was going on in your life.
A ‘mess’ was probably too weak of a word to describe it. Too diluted. You had your dream job, your fashion designer apprenticeship allowing you to travel all around the world, great friends and yet it was not enough. The work load seemed to be overwhelming all of the time, you were homesick more often than not, and you felt so distant to the rest of your friends.
An ugly, sick feeling had nestled itself deep inside, and had steadily been growing since. You felt so lonely. So lost. A want to be loved and supported unconditionally taunted you constantly. You just wanted to be held. And with no effort to do anything except sleep, it was all getting at bit much.
A little further ahead, your friends had stopped at a convenience store, and all but one of them had entered. The pounding in your head somehow managed to get worse upon stopping and standing next to him. You swayed, and his hand came out to steady you by the small of your back.
“I told you to stop drinking, you know,” he stated, hand still on your back. A light breeze passed between you two.
“I don’t need you to parent me, Lando,” you scoffed, wrapping your arms around yourself, turning towards him and away from the pulsing lights from the street lamps. The unimpressed look he gave you was almost scathing, and you diverted your eyes back to the lights. It hurt less.
“Sit down before you fall over.” His hand, that was still on your back, moved slightly, grasping your waist so he could wrap his whole arm around your back, and you felt your legs almost give way as he began to lower you down. The two of you sat on the curb, knees up to your chins and touching each others’. Lando’s thumb began to gently trace circles on your waist as he spoke.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He was looking at you. Staring hard. You could feel the heat of it, and you mulled over his words.
“Talk about what?” you asked, turning to make eye contact with him, almost shrinking under the intensity of his gaze. If you played dumb, not knowing what he was referring to, hopefully he would drop it.
Lando knew you too well.
“Whatever it is that’s made you try and drink yourself to death,” he said, eyes squinting, as though he was picking you apart. And he was. He could definitely see right through you. You wanted to get up and run away because damn him for being your bestfriend, damn him for knowing you so well and damn him for making you fall for him.
It had probably been a minute of silence before you spoke, looking away from him again.
“I want to disappear again,” you whispered, throat beginning to close up and burn. Your cheeks flushed with the embarrassment of your confession, and the heat of Lando’s gaze returned. His hand squeezed your waist again and your eyes welled up. “I’m sorry.”
He moved, quickly, to crouch in front of you, hands enclosing your own that were on your knees. His eyes, slightly hazy from his own drinking, bore into yours. There was so much concern in them , and something else that you couldn’t quite pinpoint.
“What are you apologising for?” he asked, and a tear escaped, rolling down the flushed skin of your cheeks.
“I don’t know,” you replied, honestly. You didn’t know why you were apologising, it just felt right. “Everything’s just too much,” you continued, removing one of your hands from his hold and wiping away the tear. “I’m just so tired. All the time. And I feel so… lonely. But I have all of you guys, and I have a house, and a job and so I shouldn’t be compla-”
“Hey, hey, hey.” Both of Lando’s hands had come up to cup your face. They covered the expanses of your cheeks entirely, and he cradled you as though you were the most important thing in the world. “It’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way, you’re not being ungrateful,” he spoke gently, thumbs brushing the apples of your cheeks as he did so. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
And you swore to God above, then and there, that you would never love another man more than the one crouched in front of you. Your heart hurt, with how much he cared. His words and actions stomped out the ugly beast of emotions that had spilled out, and you leaned into his touch.
“Sometimes life can seem like it’s everything we wanted, but we don’t feel that way. And that’s okay. We just need to figure out why, so we can feel happy with life, and I’m gonna be here for you throughout all of it,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against yours.
Your head was still pounding, and you still felt a little sick, yet everything in this moment felt so right. Your hands moved from your knees to behind his neck, shoving your face into his shoulder. Lando’s arms circled around your waist to embrace you tightly.
“It’s just so hard. I’m always so close to giving up, Lan. I don’t know what to do,” you mumbled into his shoulder. At your words, he held you impossibly tighter, and all the barriers you had ever set up crumbled, sobs racking your body. Repetitions of, ‘I know’, and ‘I’m so sorry love,’ left his mouth as he continued to hold you. At some point Lando had brought the two of you to your feet, and you released him from the hug, wiping your eyes.
“We’re going to figure this out together, yeah?” he said, bringing his own thumbs underneath your eyes in order to clean your smudged mascara. You could only give a weak nod and a smile, before whispering a thank you.
The door to the convenience store opened, and out tumbled your still very drunk group of friends. Your conversation with Lando had managed to sober you up, and now you found yourself desperate to get back to the confines of your hotel room. However, the rest of the group seemed to have recovered their energy, talking about heading to a final bar to end the night.
“You two coming?” Max asked, swaying slightly on his feet as he did so. The question pulled you out of your head and caught you off guard. Desperately, you turned to look at Lando for an answer, who was already looking at you. He offered you a smile, reaching out to interlock your fingers as he replied.
“No, I think we’re done for the night, sorry mate.”
Max rolled his eyes and booed you two, before hugging the both of you.
“Make sure you get her home safe,” he warned, trying to look intimidating and point his finger in Lando’s face, yet all he managed to get was a giggle from you.
“I will,” Lando laughed, batting Max’s finger out of his face. “You behave.”
He grinned in response, before waving goodbye and jogging to catch up with the rest of the group. You laughed at the sight of his attempted running, leaning into Lando’s side and squeezing your interlocked hands.
“You ready to get going?” he asked, peering down at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“Yes? Why are you looking at me like that?”
You yelped as his hand slipped from yours to your waist, and the other came behind your knees. He lifted you into his arms, and you quickly wrapped your arms behind his neck in order to stabilise yourself.
“What is wrong with you? Put me down!”
He threw his head back and laughed, continuing on the trek back, shooting you a cheesy grin.
“No can do, I’ve gotta make sure you stay safe.”
“Don’t drop me,” you warned, meaning every word. At your words, he looked up at you.
“Yes ma’am,” he replied, smirk gracing his face as he tightened his hold, unaware of the gymnastics routine your stomach was currently performing.
You were so pathetic. You had just cried your heart out to this man and now you were swooning over two words. Jesus Christ you needed to pull it together. He was your best friend.
Once off the side streets, your surroundings became busier, and your anxiety spiked ever so slightly. Absentmindedly, you played with the curls of his hair at the nape of his neck, grounding yourself. He groaned and you stopped your movements.
“Don’t stop,” he said, caressing your skin with his thumbs as you rounded another corner. If it were possible, your stomach would’ve probably won an Olympic gold medal for the somersault it just did. You resumed your actions, and a soft smile graced his features once more. You allowed your eyes to roam over the rest of his face, admiring him and his beauty. From his face, your gaze trailed down his neck, across the expanse of his chest and shoulders, to his tan arms and hands that held you. Every part of him was so beautiful, and you loved him. Inside and out.
Being so enthralled by the beauty of your best friend, you didn’t notice that the building you were approaching was definitely not your hotel. Lando came to a halt, once inside, and tapped your leg.
“I’m gonna have to put you down love,” he stated, before lowering you. His hand stayed on your waist. He fished in his pockets for a card for the elevator;
“This isn’t my hotel, Lan,” you said, staring at him accusingly.
“I know. Think you should stay with me,” he replied, eyes searching across your face for a reaction as he scanned the card and pressed the button for the elevator.
And maybe this was it. Maybe this was why everything felt so right. The unconditional love that you had been searching for was in front of you all along. It just so happened to come in the form of your best friend who you were in love with.
“Are you sure?” you asked hesitantly, not wishing to intrude or overstep by any means. Lando definitely sensed your insecurity, because when the doors opened, he stepped inside, grabbing your wrist, and pulling you in too. You ended up falling into him, pushing him against the railing. He looked down at you, smirking as he spoke.
“If you wanted to be all over me, all you had to do was ask.”
“Freak,” you replied, giggling and pushing his face away from yours with one hand. The other lay splayed on the bottom of his torso, dangerously close to the top of his jeans. Lando’s hands remained clasped around the small of your back, holding you close.
You let both of your hands wander ever so slightly under his shirt, intent on stealing his body heat. At the contact, he pulled you in closer, most definitely over the line of ‘friendship’ that you two had been walking like a tightrope. Comfortable silence settled, and your heartbeat fell into the rhythm of Lando's breathing.
The elevator came to a stop at his floor, signalling for him to gently grab one of your hands, and lead you to his apartment. Regardless of the fact you knew which apartment was his, he still pulled you along, aching to be close to you. He even wrestled with his keys and lock with one hand just to keep your fingers interlocked.
The air around seemed to still once the front door shut after you had walked in.
Lando squeezed your hand and turned to you.
“We don't have to speak about anything else tonight. At all. I just want to know that you're safe.”
As his eyes bore into yours, the guilt of your confession washed over you. This wasn't the first time things had gotten… hard… and you hadn't been able to cope. Lando had been there countless times, on the phone, running to your hotel room, driving to your house. Just to check you were still here. And he was always there. You felt like you didn't deserve him.
“I'm sorry! I didn't mean to upset you.”
And oh fuck you were crying again.
You let out a half-hearted giggle, desperately trying to wipe your eyes.
“It's okay. I'm just… I'm sorry,” you started, pulling yourself together enough to look at him. His lips parted, as though he was going to speak, but your hand on his chest stopped him before you continued.
“You've done so much for me, Lan. So many things and I’m stuck in this cycle of being unstable. I'm sorry for being such a burden and making you worry for me all the time.” The tears were returning to your eyes. “I just wish I could give you more. And I can't. I'm sorry.”
Lando's hand came to envelope yours and his other cradled your face. You swore if he did that again you would start sobbing. He was so gentle.
“I don't need more. I just need you.”
His eyes were trained directly on yours, staring intently. Now it was your turn to try and speak, but the thumb of his cradling hand moved over your lips to shush you, and his other hand squeezed yours.
“You think a lot of things about yourself. Mainly you think that you don't deserve anything. That you don't deserve things like love and happiness and peace. And I know you. So you convince yourself there is no point. No reason to keep going.” Lando's hand, previously enclosing yours, came up to mirror the one cradling your face. He focused your eyes on his, wanting you to hear and listen to his every word.
“You have so many reasons to be here. But I really want to add one more to your list.”
Looking back, your brain had probably short circuited at this moment in time. He'd managed to move impossibly closer towards you, eyes still searching yours for any discomfort.
“Let me love you.”
Oh yeah, you were sobbing now. The tears escaped as soon as he finished speaking and you instinctively hid your face in his chest, embarrassed. He held you tight, rocking you both back and forth.
“You don't mean that,” you mumbled, after a while. Even though your face was still pressed into his shirt, he heard you as clear as day. Lando pulled back to look at you.
“I've never meant anything more. I love you,” he said.
Perhaps it was the scramble of your brain, or the built up tension between the two of you, or even the alcohol in your system, but every single part of your body screamed for him, and so you brought yourself up on your toes, and wove your arm round the back of his neck. The two of you were impossibly close, and Lando's eyes searched for any sign of discomfort before pressing his lips to yours.
It was loving and slow and caring. He held you in a tight embrace as you kissed, wishing to keep you close, as though any slight relaxation of his arms could allow you to slip away into oblivion. You let him lead, falling into step with him, and giving in to his want to love and care for you. Through the kiss, you could feel every unspoken word and every unexplained feeling pass between the two of you until you were left with clarity.
Lando held you with love and kissed you with love and wanted to help you because he loved you.
And suddenly, as you both pulled away, cheeks flushed and smiles sheepish, you found that you did have a very important reason to live every day.
©cherry444kisses
#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando norris fic#lando norris fanfic#lando norris imagine#lando norris fluff#lando norris angst#lando x reader#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#ln4#ln4 x reader#ln4 fic
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Yandere! Werewolf Headcanons
I've been stalked by the guilty feeling that my Romanian Werewolf boy got a lot of backstory but not much romance or interaction. So there you have it: some headcanons featuring the ancient Beast, a post-kidnapping sequel.
Content: female reader, obsessive behavior, monster romance, mild NSFW at the end, ridiculously older yandere
You followed the gargantuan stranger back into the city, leaving the bloodbath behind as if it was just a distant dream. Admittedly, you’d expected to be dragged into some mountainous cave or an abandoned mansion, not the cozy - albeit a little dusty - apartment on a main, historical street. On second thought, he did function as a human outside of his monstrous escapades, so it made sense. “Is this your place?”, you sheepishly asked while he wiped the thick layers of blood off him. “One of them, yes”, he answered curtly. “It’s central”, you remarked, trying to make conversation. “Well, I didn’t know about it back then. It’s been a few decades.”
Your ears perked up at the words. Gazing at his features, he didn’t seem necessarily aged to you. The deep creases contouring his face felt more like a sign that he’s lived sorrows beyond most people’s comprehension. “How old are you?” You finally asked as curiosity replaced your initial fear. He abruptly stopped his movements and leaned back, brows furrowed in deep contemplation. “I’m not so sure anymore. I was born in the 80s”, he concluded. “That’s not too far back, is it?” You inquired, this time more relaxed. “80 BC, I meant. You do the math.”
He freshened himself up as you counted the millennia on your fingers, frowning in confusion. He chuckled at your intense focus, then quickly looked up into the mirror. When was the last time he smiled like this? The reflection was a foreign sight to him. “We’ll get you everything you need tomorrow”, he continued, still in a daze. What a strange idea, having someone to speak to after an eternity. And suddenly, it occurred to him just how rusted his communication had gotten: “I’m so sorry, I haven’t asked for your name once”, he said, embarrassed. “It’s (Y/N). And you are...?" Might as well introduce yourself to your benevolent captor.
The dreaded question. How did they call him back in the day? He hasn't had anyone spell it out for him, nor did he feel the need at any point to say it himself. Why would he? He hadn't anticipated meeting you. With pursed lips, he searched his mind. Eventually, from the depths or memories, from days of yore, it made its way back: "Daos."
Given your first gory encounter (where he quite literally murdered everyone else), you were surprised to find out he's otherwise a calm and polite individual. Well, he's had centuries to mature, you suppose. You've also noticed he has that rather old-fashioned chivalry to him. He's very attentive despite his stoic demeanor, and often follows with acts of service.
"You're insulting me. I can carry this myself with ease", you'll argue. "I never doubted you can. Nonetheless, it is my wish to do it for you."
As the days pass, your reluctance seems to vanish as well. In fact, you've become particularly cheeky, encouraged by his warm, unperturbed behavior. Maybe you haven't gotten the worst deal out there, after all.
"You know, you talk like an old man", you've teased him once. He was visibly taken aback by your statement, and you could discern a faint blush on his face. "Do I? My apologies, I haven't spoken to anyone in a long time. I'm not familiar with modern speech. Have I embarrassed you somehow?"
He spends his free time reading, though he will frequently take you on walks. It's an interesting affair to say the least. You can feel the curious eyes of the passersby and hear their not-so-discreet whispered gossip. You can't truly blame them: Daos is enormous even as a human. He towers above everyone else with his imposing appearance. To match, his voice is deep and coarse as a result of not using it much until recently.
The ancient werewolf is a living history book. If asked, he will narrate to you important events or details you might be curious about regarding his culture. Once, when he'd been in a good mood, he even shared fragments of his life before turning into a creature. He'd been a high-ranked Dacian warrior, spending his days training or fighting. He still remembers the flag he carried with bitter fondness, yet another irony to his fate: a wolf-headed serpent. It was meant to showcase their way of life; barbarians with no fear of death. They'd greeted the Roman Empire with nothing but a sword and a shield, no shred of doubt.
He might've been betrayed by his people, but the pride remains. The pride of a soldier who's never known defeat. You learned quickly that his beastly form doesn't count as a significant change by any means, save for appearances. The man has brute strength even as a human. You'd once strayed from his view, and a stranger approached with a daring whistle, gawking you up and down. Before you could react, Daos clawed him by the throat. You heard the twist of the skin and the creak of the bones giving in to the immense pressure of his large hand.
"It's the second time I have exposed you to such unpleasant sights", he said, discarding the body as if it was any other garbage. "Forgive me, but I will not have you disrespected like this."
He is very much aware he's taken you away from the world out of his own selfish desire. The fact that you accepted it is more than he could ever ask for. That's what he keeps telling himself, even as his eyes wander to your lips whenever you speak. Or as his hand lingers a moment too long against the curve of your back. Or as he hungrily takes in your scent whenever you're nearby.
He might be unhealthily possessive of you, but Daos will never do anything against your will. No matter how obvious his urges are. In fact, no amount of flirting or teasing will shake his resolve. You will have to be very direct with your approval.
Once the reality settles in, he'll become extremely affectionate, bordering on obsessive. To think he could have you in every way possible. Oh, he's waited thousands of years for you. All the suffering, the loneliness, the anger, they're stripped of any meaning now that he has you.
The city strolls at an awkward distance have since become a habitual excuse to hold your hand and show you off to the mortals. The quiet evenings of passing time with a book now include your merely noticeable weight cuddled into his lap. You didn't expect him to be this adoring. Being touch-starved for millennia counts as one reason, naturally, but there's more to it, so much more. And it all leads back to you.
He is a little taken aback when you ask him to do the deed in his werewolf form. "Don't be foolish. I can't overcome my instincts as well when I'm a creature. I could harm you", he'll lecture you. "Besides, you can barely take it as it currently is", he'll add, smirking at your baffled expression. It seems he's picked up on your cheekiness.
After a lot of pleading and waiting for the right moment - when he's ravaging you in a daze - he finally agrees. True to his word, his tune instantly changes. The tender hold turns into a desperate grasp sinking into your skin, and the thrusts become irregular, almost frantic. His drool cools your burning cheeks as you hold onto the coarse fur, feverish and overwhelmed.
His golden eyes rest on the small human squirming underneath him, and suddenly, he can't help but notice: you have the perfect birthing hips.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere monster#yandere monster x reader#yandere werewolf#werewolf x reader#monster x reader#monster x human#monster romance#yandere headcanons#male yandere x reader#yandere imagines#yandere scenarios#yandere oc#yandere oc x reader#yandere smut#monster smut#monster boyfriend#daos
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#Sorry to complain all the time but remember when I was like 'hey I am too ill and in pain to feed myself and can barely walk'#'and I'm having a three month long anxiety attack because of a ptsd trigger and leaving my dorm is so hard'#'and I barricade my door at night because I'm terrified of everything'#'and that's why I've been distant for a while'#'and I screamed for an hour in terror after leaving your house and I asked if I could come back to your house bc I didn't feel safe'#'but you didn't answer'#And they said 'im sorry buddy why don't you go to goodwill and buy yourself a trinket for your dorm? :)'#. .... . . bro........ i. ..... bro....................#And then I had a panic attack at their house because they didn't tell me they were moving several states away in like three months#Remember when they were like 'I will save you from your abusive parents we can live together :))' and then they didn't do that#And they got a house with several people who weren't me instead#Why is your fiance's trauma so sexy is it because it's quiet and stoic and mine is annoying and loud#Why is it hot that he has walls and defense mechanisms#I have more walls than you even know!!!! No one will never know the real me because I'm so traumatized that I don't even know!!!#Cool abandonment issues bro do you mind if I abandon you about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I have NO ONE and you have your cute little house with your fiance and better friend than me who you would rather live with!!!!#Bro my chronic pain was so bad I couldn't make food!!!!! I could have died I could have killed myself do you even care!!!!!!!!!!!!
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