#sorry i went on a rant this is also something that grates my gears. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thathonleygirl · 4 years ago

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The Beginning

November 2019 – June 2020 Background

I decided to start this documentation of my journey into motorcycling for many reasons, mainly because I want to work on my writing skills and sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the mindless scrolling. I also think I’ll enjoy going back and reading this when I’m less of a rookie I’ll be recreating the timeline from the MSF course to the present from memory. I decided to dive into motorcycling as a hobby for myself, and also as a hobby for me to share with my boyfriend of 2+ years, Chris. Ultimately I can confidently say he inspired me to ride on my own and has been so supportive every step of the way.

November 2019 – MSF Class & getting my motorcycle endorsement I remember this weekend like it was yesterday. It was a freezing weekend and I’m out in the parking lot of RCCC bundled up from head to toe. I was happy it was cold because I was super nervous and excited, and heat stresses me out. There’s about 15 of us in the class, and right off the bat everyone is super friendly because we’re all here for the same thing – there was defiantly a wide range of skill levels and reasons for taking the class – but we’re all there for the same class. The two teachers of the class were AWESOME, and I’ll remember them for the rest of my riding career. They took us through the basics – controls, friction zone, etc. and soon we were riding through the first set of drills. My bike was a Kawasaki Eliminator from the 1800’s and it kept shutting off due to the cold weather. It also was impossible to find neutral, even the instructors couldn’t find it – I was just relieved that it wasn’t operator error. At the end of the 1st riding day they both told me they were impressed and proud of how I did – which meant so much to me considering I had never touched a clutch before, lol. The second day was a little rough, but still a success, mainly because I began to overthink every little thing because I knew there was going to be a test at the end of the day. This is when I first learned the importance of your headspace when on the bike, and how too much anxiety can be catastrophic. That being said, I still passed the class and got my endorsement the next week I really wish I had gotten the contact info for the people in the class, but the excitement of passing the class got the best of me.

March 2020 – Meeting Jolene I’d be lying if I said the process of bringing Jolene home was smooth, and the truth is I have a newfound hatred for dealerships and salespeople, LOL. But it was all well worth it. I went to Team Charlotte Motorsports with the intention of buying a Honda Rebel 500 in all black, but was disappointed when they didn’t have the right colors, and the bike just didn’t feel right when I first sat on one. But oh boy, when I first sat on Jolene I knew she was the one and I knew I had to have her. I’ve always been super laid back but when my mind is set on something, I get DETERMINED. After leaving the dealership because the price was too high, I began to obsess. After a week of negotiating and an extra fiery in-person negotiation, I finally got the price I wanted and Chris rode her home the next day. The whole process was rewarding in the sense of getting what I want and not backing down!

March-April 2020 – Attitude Adjustment I was off to a ROCKY start, and a few times I lost a lot of hope and had a lot of “WTF did I get myself into?!” moments in my first few loops around our neighborhood. My bike felt 100x heavier and harder to maneuver than my Eliminator, and my nerves were getting the best of me. I was scared to even let out the clutch at first. But after a few times stalling, I was doing loops in first gear around the neighborhood. On the third round of neighborhood loops, I was having a moment overthinking a left turn from a stop sign, and dropped the bike after it stalled and jerked in the middle of the turn. It was a devastating moment because my immediate reaction was that I just ruined my brand new bike in less than 100 miles, and the salt in the wound was the fact that I couldn’t pick the bike up. Luckily, a good Samaritan neighbor was close by with help, and the bike was totally fine (just wasn’t in neutral so it wouldn’t start). Not even a scratch, I’m a lucky girl. I spent some time feeling sorry for myself and hopeless but that was getting me nowhere. In that moment, I realized one theme in all my “practice” – I was scared of my bike, and was not taking control over her like I should be. I began to try and change my mindset, and just love the fuck out of her like she was my best friend. It’s crazy how much your mental state affects performance, especially on a motorcycle. As my attitude shifted, so did my confidence and success. After endless neighborhood loops and sideways stares from the neighbors, I finally made it out on the road (just down the street to the nearest park, but out of the neighborhood nevertheless! That was a game changing feeling for me. That is what it’s all about.

April 2020 – Real Deal At this point, im still having pretty intense nerves before every ride, but I have made it out of Edison Square (finally). The first ride ALL THE WAY out of the neighborhood was me following Chris who was driving his truck, leading me on what would become my trusty loop. We wanted to take some pictures for Instagram, which I’ve been trying to grow since I got Jolene. The biker community on social media is AWESOME, it’s incredible how many other riders around the world I’ve gotten to share experiences with and learn from, most importantly being able to “meet” other girl riders. Anyways, during that first mini trip following chris I finally made it into 5th gear and got into some twistys, I was smiling so hard in my helmet the whole time. I feel so close to my bike now and with every ride I feel more in tune, and less intimidated by her. I almost feel like she’s a horse or something, lol. We stopped to take some pictures in front of some office building which was empty because Covid – I felt so uncomfortable taking pictures but Chris was such a good sport in trying to get the best angles LOL. The whole Instagram thing has defiantly taken me out of my comfort zone – but so has riding as a whole – and I never want to go back. After this trip, I started going out on the same trip as much as I could, but still was having intense pre-ride jitters – but with every ride, I felt less anxiety and I could actually enjoy and have fun while still learning and practicing the basics. The post-ride bliss, however, was always an amazing feeling and I noticed that on the days I did get out to ride, I felt more at ease and generally better for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, we are still waiting on chris’s bike to be done getting worked on.

May 2020 – First Group Ride We finally got chris’ bike back after SUCH a long time. It’s crazy how much I worry when he’s riding his bike with me driving the car; but I don’t worry at all about myself when I’m riding lol. Side note – I’m such a lucky girl to have chris and he amazes me on a daily basis. I love how he set up the group ride, knew the route we were going to ride and also planned out how we would meet up with our two friends along the way. Before this ride, I finally just felt excited for the ride, and less nerves in the pit of my stomach. I found myself agonizing over which placement in the lineup I wanted to ride in, weighing out the pros and cons of each – I had to keep reminding myself that I don’t know shit, there’s no point in worrying, and just to trust chris (that option hasn’t let me down yet!) Side rant – im realizing as I ride more and more miles that most of my fears have been irrational. It starts with me conjuring up a situation that I feel would be dicey on a motorcycle, then I obsess over all the possible negative outcomes in those situations, and then I obsess over when I will come across them in my journey. So far – I have not been right a single time. For example – left turn at a yellow blinking light – I wanted to actually reroute my ride to avoid this, but when I was forced to do it, I rode through it with NO issues. It’s crazy what a whirlwind our minds can conjure up with little to no reason or backup to support our fears. Long story short, I need to get over myself and go with the flow, and take each learning experience as just that. Again, chris’s patience is remarkable. Back to the group ride – it was awesome. I was again, smiling so hard in my helmet as chris and I chatted through the turns, as he’s telling me how proud he is of me and just having all the good feelings along the way. So glad we went with the Cardo systems, I can’t imagine the ride without them. We rode over 100 miles through the country around Midland and hit a bunch of turns. I got to practice things I don’t necessarily enjoy, like stoplights, a LOT which was great. I still need to work on speeding up my starts especially turning starts. Getting home from the ride was a great feeling, it’s such a high – the post ride bliss. We got to head to the beach right after for a long weekend, which was much needed. We came home from the beach and chris surprised me with a longboard, which I had been talking a lot about wanting lately. Words just aren’t enough to describe how grateful I am to call him mine.

May 26th 2020 – 2nd Group Ride It’s been raining for the past two weeks, pretty much ever since we picked Chris’s bike up from the shop. Side note – Chris and I are doing a watermelon cleanse from Tuesday through Friday, and we were at the end of day 1 at this point. I didn’t realize how much of a toll the fast had taken on me until I started riding, I was overthinking every move I made and just felt unstable overall. Everything just felt harder, and it was such a reminder of how much your mental state affects your riding. Overall the ride was great and I’m so glad we got out and rode though, the country roads were beautiful and the temperature was just perfect at around 70. I guess I need to focus on the positives here – that the ride was beautiful, we didn’t get caught in the rain and I got to experience new roads. And of course got some great pics. I’ve officially become that girl who takes pictures in the parking lot for Instagram, but I really don’t care because it’s been fun building my social media presence.

May 31st 2020 – 300 milestone Well, I finally did it – I hit 300 miles on the bike, the halfway mark to my first 600 mile service, lol. Last night’s ride was absolutely perfect, I couldn’t have asked for better weather (mid 70’s, not humid at all) and feeling the crisp air as I was passing my previous top speed at 60+ mph was an unmatchable feeling. Every time I have a ride like this, I always think to myself, “This is what it’s all about.” My headspace was at a great spot and I felt confident and smooth throughout the ride. My starts were quicker and more fluent, my turns were smooth and I had less anxiety and anxious thoughts about shifting gears and going through the motions of riding in general. It’s crazy what a few days of healthy food and relaxing will do to your mind – this ride compared to the last entry was like night and day. We took the bikes to Mac’s Speed Shop for dinner – I was excited to ride my own bike there. Once we pulled up and Chris quickly whipped around to back his bike into his spot, I was reminded of my severe performance anxiety yet again, lol. I really need to get over the thought of people watching me and get over myself, people are going to watch what’s right in front of them, and a girl on a bike is sort of a rare occurrence. I feel like when people watch me, specifically men, they are just waiting for me to mess up because how could a girl like me be on her own bike? In reality, I’m sure they are barely even thinking about me at all, LOL. That brings me to something I really need to work on in general. I get really anxious when people watch me and I really need to make a conscious effort to work on getting over that. People are not worried about me – I know this – but rational thoughts get tossed out the window when I’m placed in front of a crowd. This trait of mine exists in every avenue of life – whether it is work, play, whatever; and I need to take time to grow out of this. I think it will help me have less social anxiety and will probably help my confidence which will have residual effects like an improved posture and overall sense of stability. I just wonder if this is a habit that can just naturally be broken with practice/repetition or is this something that requires more attention and effort to fix. Wow – such a rabbit hole, lol, but I doubt anyone will even read this. Back to the ride – I have absolutely loved the feeling of making it home from a successful ride, or “post – ride bliss.” Chilling on the couch with my honey after a perfect ride (for both of us) is my ideal Sunday evening. Chris’s longboard finally came in so we were able to skate over and get ice cream before we called it a night. I just love our life together and think that we truly have the perfect relationship that is a mixture of best friends and lovers that just keeps getting stronger and better with time. I am so happy. With our economy tanking due to a virus in our country that’s being burnt down all around us, he is my peace. To work on –faster upshifting –downshift through EACH gear when approaching a stop (stop banging down all the gears without releasing the clutch in between) –get over performance anxiety –work on maneuvering the bike when off (in and out of parking spots, getting gas, backing out of garage, etc) –ride the bike into the garage myself! I’m so blessed to have Chris to help, teach and support me on this journey. He reminds me I don’t need to be able to do everything immediately but still pushes me to learn and become a better biker when he knows I’m capable of doing something.

June 11 – Making Progress Two big milestones this week. The first is installing my mini floorboards, the second being my skills improving on the bike. Last night Chris and I rode to Gamestop to pick up a Tony Hawk game, and I was nervous for the ride beforehand given the newness of my floorboards along with the general nerves I get before a ride. The ride ended up being AWESOME. I made sure to pay attention and downshift completely through each gear when coming to a stop, and I was able to do it successfully most of the time, lol. Also had way faster starts, and beat Chris out of the stop lights a few times. The feeling of just riding with no traffic or light in sight is unmatchable, especially in 5th gear when it feels like nothing can hold Jolene back. During these stretches of the ride, my thoughts are always revolving around THIS being what it’s all about, THIS is riding, and this is freedom. It’s an unmatchable feeling. I also felt good when we pulled into eastfield for dinner because I was able to smoothly maneuver around the parking lot that was semi-full without issue. Also I didn’t need help when leaving the parking spot outside of gamestop. taking rides after work used to be kind of a fear of mine, and I was usually reluctant to take them in fear that I would be too braindead after a full workday. The ride last night, however, proved this fear wrong. I think no matter the time of day, day of the week, temperature, WHATEVER it may be, it’s all about your headspace and that is the greatest determinant for the outcome of the ride. I’m glad that I’m starting to feel less and less anxiety prepping for and starting out on each ride, the stomach aches and general feelings of fear are melting away with every mile in the seat. Soon I’ll be scheduling my 600 mile service To work on be more gentle when downshifting, especially to first. Stop stomping on the poor shifter ride the bike into the garage myself keep improving engine breaking/downshifting completely through each gear to 2nd or 1st

June 13 – Passing 500 on my first real trip So many milestones (literally) passed this weekend! 1 – passed the 500 mile mark & 2 – first 100+ mile trip! Minus one close-call, the whole trip/day was amazing with my love. We first headed out to Asheboro Harley Davidson dealership, stopping at a couple gas stations along the way. I passed my previous top speed and managed to hit 65+ mph, and I don’t know if that was Jolene’s limit or if it was user-error. Aside from the wind feeling like it was going to blow me off of the bike, it felt exhilarating to ride fast on the open highway. After we left the second gas station, I was following Chris (a little too closely) and the left turn we were supposed to take snuck up on us so I locked up my brakes and skidded (loudly) down the street, fishtailing straight down the street, missing the turn. Mid-way through the skid, the only thought running through my head was “fuck, we’re going down.” Somehow either my reflexes or my guardian angel, or a combination of the two, were looking out for me and Jolene stayed upright. Somehow I knew to kind of let go of the breaks and handlebars and let the bike do its thing, and sure enough I was able to straighten out and stay upright. It was a sobering experience for sure, and it took a little while to gain my confidence back for the rest of the ride. Chris is a patient angel though. We made it to the Asheboro Harley dealership to pick up our poker chips and chill for a little bit, and we were surprised to see it was crowded. It’s such a nice dealership though, they had a food truck serving Greek food, free beer on tap and the MSF course happening in the parking lot that we could watch while eating our lunch. Chris and I talked about how we always feel like outcasts from the “Harley crowd” but the people we talked to were nice. It started getting late so we headed out to the next stop, the Moonset general store near Uwharrie and Badin Lake. The rest of the ride was uneventful, and Chris and quickly became exhausted lol. I kept wondering to myself if I would always feel this tired from riding. It’s just such a mental thing that takes your full attention and effort at all times, and being hyper-aware of your surroundings at all times. There’s also the physical side of riding that involves every extremity in unison just to work the bike controls. I think that’s what makes coming home from a trip feel so rewarding. Once we made it home, we got burgers at Eastfield and called it a night after we both fell asleep on the couch lol. We took a short ride to pinky’s after detailing the bikes on Sunday and that was also a great ride. Short and sweet.

June 23 – Ready for 1st Service The more experience and riding I’ve gotten, the less I feel the need to write and blog which is a good thing more time spent actually riding. Passed the 600 mile mark and trying to schedule my service appointment this week after I install my new Vance and Hines pipes on Wednesday, so pumped for the new sound and look. I’m feeling so much more comfortable now riding, still have a few things I want to work on but when I think about the first few times I took Jolene out and compare that to how I feel riding now, it’s almost like I’m a whole new person. The things that used to scare me to death are things I can do without thinking twice now. I’m learning that the faster I go, the more comfortable I feel, and that the fears I used to have are pretty irrational. Over the weekend Chris, his mom and I went on a ride through the country before it got too hot outside. It made me happy to see how happy Chris’s mom was after the ride. We talked about how great of a teacher he is and how supportive he is every step of the way. The next day, Chris, his brother and I went on a ride to Statesville Harley and got lunch at Grouchos (Chris chose for me because I always talk about how ive always wanted to eat there, hehe). It was a great ride, minus almost running over a snake haha. One other biker that was at Grouchos joined in with us for part of the ride home, then another biker on the road joined in too. It was cool to hold up the middle, lol. Chris said I did a good job. The sense of community in the biker world is something amazing and it makes me so excited for the future, and how many cool people I will meet along the way.

#girlswhoride

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itsreallylaterightnow · 5 years ago

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Sometimes I Feel Like I’m Being Pulled In So Many Directions (Irondad Fic Exchange 2019)

Summary:

Peter knows he did poorly on his final, and he feels bad enough. Then May finds out. Peter doesn't know how to handle all the pressure of being a normal high-school teenager on top of trying to balance the responsibility that comes with being spider-man.

Thank fully he has Tony Stark and May Parker to keep him in check- and comfort the stressed teen along the way.

Notes:

Hey guys! Ok, so rant coming:

I poured my heart and soul into the two pics that I did for the Irondad Fic Exchange. I spent so long outlining and writing and re-writing the two works that I signed on for. I tried to craft them for the enjoyment of the two wonderful people that I was writing for. Then someone came onto my last fic and called me "Laughably stupid". I just.. I don't understand pointless hate. I'm all here for constructive criticism. But blatant hate on something that was a gift for someone else is just... not okay. So, if you have anything rude to say, keep it to yourself. All you are doing is discouraging me. It was quite hard for me to build up the courage to post this after that. So, please just be positive.

The prompt I chose from Whimsicalethnographies was "May grounds Peter for something non-Spider-man related and Peter sneaks out to the Tower, cue co-parenting." I hope they enjoy this fic! I loved writing it!

also the title and the line in this fic that follows the name of the title are from the BBC show Merlin, which everyone should watch!

Warnings: Mild Depictions of a Panic Attack (Nothing too serious, but take care of yourselves babes)

Tags:

@irondad-fic-exchange @whimsicalethnographies

Peter had felt sick for the past three hours. He had done really, like really bad on his Chemistry mid-term. He had been handed the results and he felt hot tears pricking in his eyes. Peter had ignored Ned and MJ the rest of the day, hiding behind exhaustion and his hoodie. Peter knew May was going to kill him. Ever since she found out about his extra-curricular activities, she had insisted he could continue as Spiderman as long as his grades and mental health didn’t suffer. He had been able to maintain a fairly solid mental health situation, I mean sure, most of the time it came from him just pushing back all of his real feelings. But, up until now his grades hadn’t suffered. Peter had been able to do keep up his schoolwork and web-slinging, but last week had been a huge arms bust, and Peter had gotten so carried away that he had completely failed to realize that he had his chemistry midterm coming up. He had thought he could have scraped by with a C, but Peter got the test back with 1 point above an F. He had passed, barely, but his entire grade was going to be trashed.

Peter rushed out of school the second the bell sounded, finding the nearest ally and slipping into his Spidey gear. “Good afternoon, Peter.” Karen’s familiar voice greeted him, and Peter sighed.

“Hey Karen.” Peter began swinging his way to the top of the building.

“Peter, you appear to be in distress. Would you like me to call Boss?”

“What? No- no, Karen I’m fine. Just, just mute.” He would deal with this disaster later when he needed to. Peter heard someone yelling in the distance and all thoughts of his stress went away.

Peter moaned deep in his throat as he slipped in through his window. He could smell May’s tragic cooking coming from the kitchen as he tapped the spider emblem on his chest. He tossed his backpack onto his bunk and slipped out of the uniform. His right shoulder was killing him, but he knew the strain would be healed in about an hour, so he ignored it as he pulled a Midtown sweater on.

Peter looked down at the test peeking out of his backpack. The infuriating D- making him want to scream. He rolled his eyes and left the room, finding May standing over the stove and stirring burned rice. Peter grimaced as he popped onto the counter, munching on a grape.

“So, I’m guessing you want me to order our usual?” May just huffed, turning to Peter and pushing her wide-frame glasses up on her nose. She began sniffing and made a sour face.

“What I would rather you do, is shower before you come into my kitchen after spidering around Queens!” She exclaimed, tossing her dish towel at him with a grin on her lips. Peter caught it as he slid from the counter, hands raised in defeat.

“Alright, alright. But I expect Martin’s Thai to be on their way with our order by the time I get out!” He quipped back before slipping back to his shower. The second the door closed behind him; Peter felt a tension release around his shoulder. It had become too normal for him to have painted a mask of being “okay”. May thought he was handling everything fine, but Peter knew he had just perfected the art of faking it.

The heat of the shower on Peter’s sore muscles had him sighing. It was little moments of peace like this where Peter could catch his breath. It took him longer than normal to finish his shower, and when Peter slipped into his pajamas his stomach growled. Okay, so the single grape he had eaten wasn’t enough to curve his hunger. He was really hoping the Martin’s was already here.

Peter ducked out of the bathroom, using his towel to dry out his curls. He passed by his room and tossed his towel without looking in there, on his way to the kitchen, when May cleared her throat. Why is May in my room? Peter turned back around, sliding into his room before his feet froze on sight. May was sat on his bed, Chemistry test in hand, and an unreadable expression on her face.

“Hey, May- Uh”- She held up a hand, mouth in a grim line.

“Save it. I’m not going to talk about it right now, because I know I would start yelling, and I don’t want to have to apologize for that.” She took a deep breath and stood up. “Do your homework, finish all of it. Study for whatever you need to study for, I’ll bring your food when it arrives.” She turned to walk from the room and Peter huffed.

“So, you’re just going to ignore me, then?” May laughed, in a way that made Peter know that she did not find the situation funny.

“Peter, you hid this from me. You know our deal, and you lied to me. I’m not ignoring you; I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do about this. I’m still learning how to do this whole parent thing, so a little grace would be very appreciated!” She stated, her hands flying in exasperation. Peter felt his nerves grating against one another, and he should have kept his mouth shut, but he had never been very good at that.

“You’re right. You’re not my parent. So, I made a bad grade, alright? So, let’s just forget about it, it won’t happen again.” May was fuming at this point, Peter knew the nonchalance that he had laced into his voice was really driving her crazy, but he couldn’t seem to care.

“Peter. Benjamin. Parker. I did not sign on for this. I was thrust into having you. And I would never change that, but I am still learning. I don’t have Ben anymore, and he was always so much better at this than I am. I give you more freedom than you know what to do with, and you’re still a kid. I can’t expect you to know how to handle yourself. No kid your age should have this much responsibility. For now, no internship, no spider-man.” Her voice was firm and Peter was fuming at this point.

“Well I’m just sorry that this all got thrown on you! But you can’t take away the internship and you can’t take away Spiderman! They’re all I have!” May recoiled.

“Don’t you dare think that I am mad that you’re mine, but you are mine and you will behave! I don’t know how long this will last, but you best believe yourself that there will be neither of those things until you get yourself together. And I am here to help and to talk, but you have to take responsibility for your actions.” With that, May strolled from the room, shutting the door behind her and Peter ran his hands through his hair, anxiety crawling up his throat. What- how- what was he going to do if he couldn’t be Spiderman?

Call it a lapse of judgement or teenage stupidity, but Peter pulled his mask on, activated his web shooters and peeled the window open. He climbed onto the fire escape and leapt to the building across from his.

“Karen, tell Mr. Stark I’m going to use the lab tonight.” The AI obliged as Peter began his web-slinging to the tower. The crisp breeze of the night air on his body helping to zone him in, and he imagined all of his stresses being left on the ground behind him.

The tower came into sight and Peter zeroed in on his window. He feet connect with the top panel, and the second the trapdoor closed behind him peter pulled his mask off, leaving him right next to a private elevator in his pajamas. He pressed the call button and waited on the “ding” that was so familiar to him.

Peter hopped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the lab before he put in his pin. Very few people had access to the lab. Tony, Peter, Happy, Rhodey, and Pepper. That was it. Peter leaned against the glass wall of the elevator, his heart still pounding. The anxiety he had been feeling all day was slowly clawing away at his heart and he felt like he was going to throw up.

Peter made it to the lab, and he sighed, before standing by his table and running a hand through his hair. He felt tears pricking at his eyes, the safe place around him having Peter wiping at the tears.

He pulled up the new web formula he had been working on and began to mess with the equations and holographs on it. He let himself get lost to time. Peter was so caught up on working on the tensile strength and the weight of the new formula that he didn’t realize Tony was in the room until he heard the man clear his throat.

Peter turned suddenly; eyes wide. “Mr. Stark! You have to let me know when you’re behind me!” The boy’s anxiety began to race again. Tony just scoffed, looking at the work on Peter’s table.

“What, your Peter Tingle stop working or something?” Peter grumbled out something about how Tony wasn’t seen as a threat and to stop calling it his tingle!

“Yeah, well- on another note, what are you doing still here at three in the morning?” Peter’s head whipped up, fear clutching his heart. Holy sh- May is going to kill me! “If you are currently thinking about the wrath of May Parker, then you’re on the right trail. I got the most interesting phone call from her.” Tony said as leaned on the table across from Peter, who suddenly found everything but look at his mentor interesting. “She calls me, freaking out, before explaining to me that you weren’t home, your suit was still on your bed, and that you had been in the middle of a big argument. She tells me she woke up to get water and found your room light still on at 2:30 am and went to check on you. And that’s how I get a call, waking me out of the little sleep time I do actually get. And May, May tells me the most interesting thing. You aren’t supposed to be here. And she wants to know why I allowed you over the tower when you’re royally grounded- which is news to me by the way. So, you have-” Tony looks at his watch. “Five minutes to explain yourself before Happy gets here to take you home.

Peter takes a deep breath, his heart pounding. He turns his face away from Tony, wiping at the tears forming in his eyes. Angry at his emotions for slipping.

“It’s nothing- I just got a bad grade. I shouldn’t have snuck out.” He began to pack his stuff up, before standing, but a hand pushed his chest, forcing him back down onto the seat.

“Nope. Explain better. Since when do you forget about a midterm?” Tony is concerned, Peter knows that, but he doesn’t want to open this can of worms. But Tony’s eyes don’t leave his, and Peter sighs. There is no way out of this.

“I- um- listen last week was just, it had a lot of Spiderman related problems, and I just forgot.” Peter shrugged, looking up. The look in Tony’s eyes making Peter realize that he wasn’t going to worm his way around this one.

“Then we need to cut back your-”

“No! Why does everyone think the solution to this is to take Spiderman away from me?” Peter finally erupted, standing up hastily. Tony put both of his hands in the air, eyebrows raised at the outburst.

“Listen, listen- I’m not talking about taking him away, I’m talking about reducing hours.” Peter just shook his head hastily, panic building.

“No, you can’t- you cant!” He gripped his hair between his hands, shaking his head and backing into the wall behind him. Tony’s face radiated concern, but the monstrous ball of anxiety that had been sitting in Peter’s chest was finally going to claw its way out, and it was going to do it viciously.

“Pete, just calm down and let’s talk this out.” Tony moved forward but Peter held out a hand.

“Stop, I can’t- you guys don’t get it!” The teen was screaming at this point, breaths short and he couldn’t control anything climbing its way out of his mouth.

“Then explain it to me, alright?” Tony sat on Peter’s work table, leaving the teen against the wall, giving him his required space.

“I just, I can’t lose Spiderman, he’s all I have! I do so much, and I work- I work so hard, and college is coming up, and school is hard, and no matter what I do, whenever I turn the corner there is always something else! May needs me, and MJ and Ned, and you, and sometimes, between bad guys, tests, paper, and saving people’s lives I feel like I’m getting pulled in so many different directions that I don’t know what way to turn!” Peter was sobbing now, his breaths choking out in harsh gasps as he slid to the ground, shaking hands wrapped around his knees.

“FRIDAY, tell May I’ve got Peter for the night.” Then, there were arms around Peter, warm strong arms and the teens just sobbed harder. “You hold too much Peter. The weight of the world isn’t for you to bear.” And Peter curled up on Tony’s side, burying his messy face into the man’s shoulder. “And, don’t get me wrong, you’re definitely still grounded, but neither May or I are ever going to take Spiderman away, but we want to avoid these meltdown things as much as possible, and if you constantly feel this pressure on your shoulders and you never take a moment for you, well it’s going to crush you, Pete. So, let us help.” Peter just cried and gripped onto the man holding him. Tony leaned his head down, placing a kiss on Peter’s head. “Let us help, kid.”

#irondadficexchange2019 #irondadficexchange #whimsicalethnographies

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noonmutter · 6 years ago

Text

I Want a New Duck

( Immediately following the events laid out here ... )

Inventory day was not Rhodryn’s favorite day, but neither was it her least favorite. Customers could be vile creatures in need of a few days with no tongue, but they could also be bundles of sweetness as capable of brightening one's day as any pastry in the shop, if you let them. But inventory day was quiet, and rewarding, and now that the shop's owner had returned, it was guaranteed to be an easy day in pleasant company, doing little more than looking for places missed in the regular cleanup.

Or it usually was. Today might not be so pleasant, to judge by the rambling voice of her employer drifting back from the storeroom.

"...still too bloody riled. I din't--Darlain said if, if I was fixatin'--this's def'nitely fixatin'--if I was fixatin' an' I'd already run outta mad an' there was nobody around an'--this's def'nitely fixatin'. So I'm fixatin'. That's wrong. Somethin's wrong. Cuz I got played? ... no. Not now, tha's not it. Why th'fuck're you still mad day after, bruv..?"

So the ren’dorei put on her gear with the ingrained stealth of decades of servitude, and listened. She was not particularly intent on spying, but what was there to drown him out in the empty shop when she was scrubbing the floor?

At least he wasn't just babbling in there, to judge by the sound of boxes and bags shuffling back and forth and his boots clicking across the floor. "...so she'n'er guy invite you up, an' that's fine, we're fine, s'great, an' then there's idle dumb chatter an' that's fine too, tell 'em th' dumb stories, good laughs, all's great...when’d we start talkin' about my arse? ...well they liked my arse anyway..."

Everyone likes your arse, idiot; it's a good arse. She worked intently at a particularly stubborn stain in a floorboard under the edge of a cabinet, though she was becoming suspicious that it was not chocolate, as she had always assumed, but something more like blood. What had been going on in this shop lately?

It could very well have been blood! ...up till it finally worked loose enough to peel back, and reveal itself as some form of fossilized berry sauce. At least, it had probably been berries... it was sauce, anyway. Blood didn't... stretch... like that.

"...good a time as any t'mention th' missuses, right, nat'ral part o' th'talkin', chattin' about ev'rythin'...she's gotta rule 'bout married men, fine, 'ear tha' plenty, so nah, ours is open, they like 'earin' stories later anyway, but she's got 'er rule so fine, Iggy's still comin' at me...least I think 'e is, gods only know now--no, no, that's uncharitable..."

Could be meatjuice, that could get a bit stretchy. Should be able to smell - Light's sake, did I really just sniff ancient--

”--still comin’ at me--” Her ears perked up in surprise, and then back down low as she scowled hard. Someone had threatened her boss? And just like that, he had her full attention, halfway through peeling mystery gunk off the floor.

"--'ave t'call it a hamhock? yeah 'e was tryin't'be flat'rin' but hamhock? ... gettin' off-track. 'E 'as a lovely 'amhock of 'is own anyway, tha' wasn't a problem, stop that... wierd word choices are not th' issue, Leon, stop. Stop."

For a little bit, he was quiet, apparently forcing himself to actually take a break from his odd little conversation and do work a bit more efficiently. The mystery gunk briefly gave off a faint stench of scotch gone horribly awry, but that might've been her mind playing tricks.

Leon was messing with his adding machine by the time he started talking again, so he'd clearly made something resembling progress.

"She's still comin' at me right along with 'im, but she's got rules about married men... din't stop 'er any, did it? But I come at 'er back, I'll be th' prick, won't I... an' dammit Iggy's all about it, too... damn fine kisser fer a clown, tha' man..."

Oh. Not threats. How this man loved to abuse his language's idioms... She relaxed and resumed peeling. It couldn't be scotch, scotch wouldn't peel like this. Unless he'd made a sauce of it...

All this grumbling and anger over flirting? That can't truly be the whole of it…

"...got rules about married men, don't y', but yer fine teasin'em after th' fact...cruel thin', y'were speakin' plain an' I were speakin' plain an' then y'still go go go..."

She sighed silently and rubbed at her forehead with the back of her hand.

You're better than this, Mister Ambroce. Please be better than this.

A brief pause, and then a soft thump, most likely his fist on his desk. "All that an' Iggy too! Again th' guy's a wash! Augh!"

The void elf rose to her feet, took a deep breath, and said, "You are an idiot."

"F--!" There was an awfully loud bang and ruckus in that storeroom. A few seconds later, Leon's head peeked around the doorframe at floor level. Spooked horses looked less rattled than he did in that moment. "...Rhodryn?"

The effect of arching a single brow was magnified when that brow was about three times as long as a human’s and trailed shadows from the tip as it moved. She turned away from him, going to wash her hands. "That sounded painful. Do you need healing?"

"No...no." There was a resigned sigh in his voice. He had very quickly learned not to expect any sort of sympathy from her, not that he'd hoped for it anyway. "Mostly th' chair scuffed up th' wall."

No sympathy, but she did offer a hand up once her hands were no longer sticky. "Good. Did that knock some sense into you, or am I going to have to do it?"

Blinking owlishly up at her, he reached up to take the hand almost on autopilot. "What?... why're you even here?"

"It is inventory day, is it not?"

"I..." Grimacing, Leon got to his feet, and brushed off several large dust bunnies from his shirt. "...Sorry. I thought it was earlier." Because it was either that, or admit he'd forgotten he had a manager again. His memory had been unreliable ever since his brain took a vacation in Kul Tiras.

"I always come in early." She patted his shoulder and went to retrieve her cleaning rag. "However, it sounded like you had distracted yourself, so I will forgive you the oversight."

Around people, she nearly always had a pleasant little smile on an otherwise inexpressive face, which made her difficult to read. Now, though, he heard the grin in her voice as she teased him. Though he'd heard her no-customers-all-day voice before, it was rare. He was even less familiar with her being openly amused at him. A bit of a mental rewind as he rubbed the shoulder that'd been briefly pinned between his chair and the wall reminded him of what had started it. "...an' 'o's an idiot, exactly?"

"You and I are the only two people here, and I was not ranting to a sack of flour about flirting that didn't go my way."

So rare to get Leon to the point of fish-mouthing, and yet look at him go, jaw dropping and closing again with an audible clack. After his skin had already taken on a couple extra shades of red, he looked away and grumbled, "Wasn't rantin'. It's a de-escalation exercise. ...S'posed t'ave a duck."

"You do not have a duck. You have an elf, capable of asking questions, such as, 'What is so wrong with aimless flirting that you are so angry at these people?'"

He almost groaned, but stopped himself at the last moment. As a side note, expressions normally accompanied by the groan of someone who sincerely wished they could disappear through a floor that are not accompanied by a groan are very silly-looking. "Y'were list'nin'."

"It was difficult to not."

Desperate for something to do with his hands and, coincidentally, also wanting to hide his still-flaming face, Leon turned and headed for the pastry cases and the cabinets underneath them, pulling his notepad out of his back pocket. "Aimless flirtin's not a problem."

With a sigh, she returns to her hunt for dirt. "What made you think it was not aimless?"

He knelt in front of the cabinet just as she asked that, and there was a clunk as he accidentally cracked his knuckle on the edge of the door. Really? This was what she wanted to express interest in? "...some people think it's fun t'flirt with a guy t'make 'im look stupid."

"Some people just like to flirt."

"An' that's fine! Flirtin's fun if ev'rybody's clear onnit! But not after y'say it's not gonna 'appen!"

Rho stopped hunting under the tables and stood so she could look at him, head cocked to one side. "That is what I don't understand. She said it was not going to happen - that is what 'rules about married men' means, yes? Would that not make it aimless flirting, with a stated lack of intent to follow through?"

The cabinet door thunked shut. "I put it plain I woulda liked t'roll with 'er, she put it plain she wouldn't be rollin' with me. Keeps right on goin' after me an' not just with words, so does 'er buddy. Y'think that's okay?"

She stared, and then blinked slowly. "I do not flirt, and this conversation makes me more grateful for that choice by the second. Let me make certain I understand. You told her, plainly, that you would like to sleep with her, she told you plainly she would not sleep with you because you are married, yet she and her friend continued to flirt and... prevented you from leaving?"

"What?" Finally, he looked up at her. "No, o' course not."

Rho crossed her arms and drummed her fingers against her cheek, then held out her hand in a ‘stop’ gesture. "Wait. What rules?"

"Wha' d'you mean?"

"Her rules about married men. What are they? I assumed she meant 'no married men,' because that is my rule about married men."

He started to answer, but his face fell just slightly as the words "That's what I figured, yeah" came out of his mouth. Finally, the gears appeared to be turning. "She din't want wives comin' after 'er, she said."

"That is my reasoning, as well. That is not a problem in your situation. Your situation that you are very happy to talk about at length. As such, you would be an exception to that rule."

"Yeah, an' I said tha', an'--" He paused, and slowly looked up at the ceiling. The gears reached full speed, and ground through a particularly stubborn chunk of rust that dislodged with such force that he sighed. He’d gone and made assumptions and hadn’t caught himself and it’d bitten him and he’d totally failed to notice until it was too late. "...first of all, Rhodryn, yer now my duckie. Second of all, please slap me upside th'ead."

Rho blinked again, then crossed the room and slapped him upside the head. "Never call me your duckie again."

He asked her to do it, so while surprised that she did do it, he made no attempt to stop her, only rubbing gently at the spot once she'd done it. "Yes'm."

"Now. How will you set this right?"

"I'm...fuck." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck I'm so bloody stupid... Mngh. Apologize, obviously, but'm not sure 'ow."

"What apology would you have accepted if they had been wrong?"

"That's--well, yeah, that's a trick too, but tha's not what I meant, actually." Walking back into the storeroom for a moment, he brought her a flyer from the Ironforge Craft Fest, where he'd circled 'Sarah Hadley' on the list of entertainers. "Aside from askin' 'er sister, which is grossly inappropriate I'm sure I don't need t'tell you, I'm not sure 'ow t'get in touch."

She took the flyer and stared at the name for a moment, again drumming her fingers on her cheek. "Why is it grossly inappropriate to ask where you should deliver an apology?"

"It's-- Iunno, is it a social etiquette thin' fer elves at all, not goin' through a middleman fer pers'nal matters?"

She peered at him. "Are you speaking of having the sister deliver the apology, while I am speaking of asking the sister for... 'Sarah's' location?"

"No. Just th' latter." For all that Leon was a worldly man, he was frequently painfully Gilnean. Even Vember would’ve been hard-pressed not to laugh at him.

"I see no reason it should be inappropriate, as long as you only tell the sister that you need to deliver an apology, not what it is for." Rho handed the flyer back. "If speaking to her bothers you overmuch, what options do you see other than asking the sister for Sarah's contact information?"

Leaning against the counter, he stared at the flyer and bit his lip. "...mmf. I spose there's tha'."

"You could wait and hope you see her again. I do not think you would like to let this gnaw at you for that long, though. You could hire someone to find her, but you would have to phrase your explanation very carefully if that is discovered. Or, you could ask the sister, perhaps provide her a token of appreciation for her help, and get this behind you."

"She's gonna punch me." Wry laugh. "Prolly deserve a couple more o' those."

"If you reacted harshly in public, yes, you do deserve a few punches."

"...less 'arshly an' more... um... well, I kin think o' plenty of other less charitable words than tha'.” Childishly, foolishly... was bitchily a word? Bitchily seemed like a good word. “But yeah." Brain finally settled into something resembling a course of action, Leon sighed. “Thank you.”

"Of course." Rhodryn bowed her head slightly, and went back to cleaning, taking the thank-you as a dismissal.

Hours later, as they checked each others’ final counts for accuracy, Leon burst out laughing when he got to the end of her overstock list. ‘One (1) too many romantic fools who have apologies to make.’

( @dwyndel @darbiebot @tirasiansails @tirasiantrouper )

#modified chatlogs #collab #leon #rhodryn #the cookbook

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acrobaticcatfeline · 6 years ago

Text

Summerville Nights chapter 1!

ok so this is the fanfic based on the prompt by @romantichopelessly.

summary: It was a sunny day in august when the school opened its doors for its first day that school year. 4 kids so terribly different walked into the doors, gazing in awe before getting shoved aside by kids eager to get to class and meet up with friends. Everyone who goes to this school has one heck of a story about it and it’s always legendary. So let’s get into it.

warnings: cursing, piningness? i don’t really think there’s anything else, let me know if there if though.

ships: pre logince, pre moxiety

taglist: @anyay666 @emocinamonroll @noahlovescoffee @voices-and-stardust @treechildoffical if anyone wants to be added to the taglist let me know!

more below the cut

Summerville high school is known as one of the best schools in the US in athletics, curriculum, and even the arts. Its giant too, the size of an average community college campus and many amenities provided are free to any student or alumni. The school has a lot of luxuries by being in a wealthier neighborhood and still being a free access public school. Everyone who goes to this school has one heck of a story about it and it’s always legendary. So, let’s get into it.

It was a sunny day in august when the school opened its doors for its first day that school year. 4 kids so terribly different walked into the doors, gazing in awe before getting shoved aside by kids eager to get to class and meet up with friends. The 4 of them hadn’t been able to tour the campus and the giant pristine halls set them all in shock at the beauty of it all; who knew a high school campus could be actively gorgeous. Virgil Lee was the first to come back to the present, mostly because his older brother Remy was quick to drag him over to freshman orientation. The smaller kid quickly turned and ran forward to the open doors of the huge auditorium. He gave his brother a punch to the arm as a farewell before meeting up with some of his friends in the audience. They spent quite a while just talking about the different sports the school offered; of course, Virgil was the epitome of the high school jock. (not really but don’t tell him that). He wore his jeans hung slightly low, and a purple muscle tee with his middle schools’ mascot across the front, and his jet-black hair fell across his violet eyes gorgeously; his family always did say they were the best thing about him. He had to pause his conversation when he saw a really fucking cute goth boy walk in, he made a mental note to introduce himself later before jumping right back into the midst of his previous conversation.

The next to come to his senses was a tiny frail kid named Logan Sanders. That was because he had been shoved into a wall already, probably for his choice of outfit; a deep blue knee length skirt, a black button up and a matching blue tie, as well as a little teal butterfly hairclip. He scurried away and into the auditorium searching for anyone he knew and running straight for Virgil, his longtime best friend. He was always grateful for Virgil’s awareness, because he could run straight into the other and be lifted up instead of falling over; something extremely important he thinks as he’s barreling toward the jock full speed. Virgil’s grin was wide when he caught the feeling that his nerd was running toward him and spun around to lift the tiny thing up before he bulldozed them both over.

“sup Lo? Haven’t heard from you in like a month, everything been alright?” Virgil questioned softly with a small smirk.

“oh yeah, uh, anxiety hit like a metaphorical truck again, sorry about that. Hey, I already got shoved into a wall today! It is a new record!” Logan’s small smile was quick to fall when Virgil’s face fell, and his hands turned to fists. Maybe he said a bit too much?

“who? Where? I’m gonna kill them how dare they? They need to grow the f-” Logan covered his mouth before he spouted more incriminating words. He gave another weak smile as he pulled his hands away again.

“it is fine! Calm down, I don’t even know if it was on purpose or not, it is okay. Lets just sit down and wait this thing out” Virgil slouched before nodding.

“only for you nerdling”

The next to come to was the same goth boy Virgil saw, the bad boy Patton Fernandez. He had to snap out of it, if anyone saw him smile for long, they’d start asking questions that he was unprepared for and people were already staring. He sauntered into the auditorium with his hood pulled down showing off his dirty blonde hair that faded into pastel blue and his eyebags that were only partially eyeshadow He was surprised he even made it on time today, usually when he’s actually able to sleep, his alarms can’t do shit to wake him from a week of sleep, but here he is, at 7 am on a Monday regretting his decision to not bring his headphones. Granted his mom dropped them off at the office for him, but he couldn’t get them until after orientation and its really loud in there. He’s supposed to meet his best friend though, and he’d suffer far worse for him and to be honest, he already had. All he had to do was wait for his service human and he would be fine. Speaking of which.

Roman Washington was the last to refocus, mostly because he was so tiny no one noticed he was there. He ran into the assembly and made a beeline to his goth friend. He ran into him for a big hug and Patton didn’t even stumble. The boy started jumping in excitement and his giant circle glasses were bouncing just as much. The two of them couldn’t be more dissimilar, Roman was tiny, colorful, and loud but introverted where Patton was tall, dark and gloomy, and quiet but extroverted. When Roman spoke everyone heard, but he didn’t talk much. Patton was rarely heard, but never stopped talking, mostly for his own sanity. Even so, these two have been inseparable since they met.

Roman was about to start ranting to Patton about his weekend but the lights in the room dimmed and the orientation started. Oh well, Roman would be able to tell Patton all about everything when they go home to Patton’s. I mean its his super epic birthday extravaganza and Patton was… pretty much the only one who was invited. It’s not his fault people are scary! Although he once shouted at someone for calling Patton a broody emo because excuse??? Patton isn’t BROODY he’s d e p r e s s e d, and he’s not EMO he’s g o t h and if anybody has an issue, they’re gonna have to get through him first. And his tiny frail body that knows nothing about how to protect himself. Yeah lucky for him most people are scared of the look Patton gives to anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to mess with his friend. In other words, there’s two guys walking over to them and-oh. Roman sees a boy walking towards him and he’s wearing a really cute skirt and a tie? Oh, geez Roman was always a hopeless romantic but geez. He not-so-subtly starts fussing with his bright red sweater vest and fixes the button up underneath it. He pats at his green slacks and is suddenly very aware of how nerdy and awful he looks and wants to disappear. He steps behind Patton and hyperventilates while fussing with his glasses that are far too big for his head suddenly and oh geez oh geez. Patton was having a similar freak out because there’s a really cute guy but he’s obviously a jock and jocks like to torture him and he’s not keen on this happening right now, so he just sits down. He was not ready to punch his poor heart yet.

Virgil had grabbed Logan as soon as the lights dimmed and dragged him over to the cute goth boy because cute boy? Possible friend? Possible more than friend? Yes please. Also, the little nerdy boy with him looked like he was totally Logan’s type and we all know its bros first, so yeah, that’s how he made his way over to the two. Logan was maybe possibly slightly enamored with the boy Virgil pointed out to him. He shouldn’t be, he doesn’t get it, although he’s always been one to fall for darker skinned guys, and holy crap he was so pretty-aesthetically of course-it’s not like Logan finds him attractive or anything, just aesthetically pleasing. His darker skin matched with a white button up and a blood red sweater vest beautifully is all. And him fiddling with his hair and tie was just a fidget he did, not him trying to look nice for the cu-the boy over there. Of course not.

When they got over, they simply sat in the row behind them and chatted quietly together until it was over. Patton was gearing up, getting ready to tell them off as they were leaving, but the jock was offering him a hand up? He took it suspiciously and went reeling at the smirk the guy wore, thinking he was about to be pranked. He drew back quickly before looking around him. All he saw was Roman and this little nerdy kid exchanging shy nerd glances of pining. He immediately fixed the jock with a glare.

“do you have an issue with me kid? What could I have possibly done to heed you waltzing your happy ass all the way over here out of your way?” oh he felt bad for that. He didn’t like being mean, but he has to protect himself. Maybe if he’s intimidating enough, he’ll just leave? Oh, nope he’s smiling now, did he set himself up? Oh, is there a supervisor that just heard him curse out this dude? He didn’t even swear that badly! Shit.

“wow wasn’t expecting that. I do have an issue with you in fact, you are illegally cute, and I was hoping I could possibly befriend you?” oh. Oh no this is worse, gosh his cheeks are bright red now he’s sure of it. He scowls at him before shoving his hands in the pocket of his hoodie.

“yeah sure thanks for the joke dude real funny I gotta get to class I don’t have time for people poking fun at me right now.” He pulls one arm back out and grabs Roman’s hand and heads off.

“hey, wait!” he pauses for a moment, the voice being new. “um, mr person, my friend isn’t joking with you, I promise. He’s not like that. He’s really nice actually um, and I would also be pleased in befriending you and your friend. If that’s ok with you. Uh, I’m Logan and his name is Virgil.” Patton smirks slightly and turns around. He analyzes the look on the smaller boys’ face before nodding.

“hm. Ok. I’ll believe you for now. Names Patton. This one is Roman. See ya round later, I guess. Virgil, Logan.” And he turned back and continued to class with Roman.

Logan and Virgil were left in awe for a moment before rushing to their class too. Logan kept spouting about how dare he introduce him to a pleasing person and make him feel… things!!! He didn’t even talk at all, but he was figuratively falling for this, this… dark skinned beauty!!! Its not allowed and Virgil was definitely buying him dinner tonight to make up for this entire ordeal thank you very much! Meanwhile Virgil was in stunned silence because geez that Patton guy, oh he’s so cute and feisty and he wants to see that cursed smirk every day now. He hadn’t ever had such fierce desire to know someone, he hadn’t had such a fierce desire to do anything other than sleep. And maybe run on a good day. But he has a goal now at least. He was gonna woo the goth.

The 4 didn’t reunite until after school that day. Logan was seated in the field across from the football practice and was studying already, hoping to get to a comfortable week ahead. He nearly threw his book out of his arms when someone tapped him on the shoulder, but he settled for snapping it shut…on his tie. Great job. He opens it and sets it down before turning to see the two he met earlier. He adjusted his glasses and gives a small smile. Patton was squatting next to him, and Roman was standing a foot or so behind him. Logan went back to his textbook when it seemed like the two weren’t about to start talking. He was paying enough attention to hear the sounds of two backpacks thudding to the ground as well as some footsteps and two people sitting down. As long as they didn’t try to hurt him everything would be fine. They didn’t seem like they had any malice directed at him, so maybe he could focus a bit more on his studies, maybe he could trust them? No definitely not, no way, even Virgil would say it’s a bad idea he bets. Plus, it seems like they’re talking now Logan you might want to listen.

“so, what’re you doing hanging out here dude? You don’t have any extra crap like Vee does?” Logan tilts his head over at Patton who is the one talking, very quietly in fact.

“oh uh, not that start yet. I plan on joining gsa and maybe the debate team? I do not know quite yet, Virgil usually helps me make decisions as I am quite indecisive. Also, he owes me dinner tonight, and as much as I would usually let him off, he said he would take me to Olive Garden and while I logically know its objectively bad Italian food, it is a guilty pleasure of mine that I have been craving. Thus, why I am sitting here studying and waiting for him to be done with practice.” He says rather easily. There’s a beat of silence before Patton speaks again.

“so how long have you two been a thing?” Logan squints in confusion.

“um, I am not quite sure as to what you are talking about? If you are inquiring about our relationship, I cannot quite remember. I think I was about 3?” there is sputtering, and Logan is only even more confused.

“you’ve been dating since you were 3!?!?! Please tell me you’re joking?!” ohhh. Oh, that makes more sense now.

“oh no, I seem to have misunderstood you. Virgil and I are in a completely platonic relationship. We have been friends for that long.” There was a sigh of relief as well as a small giggle that sounded, and the giggle set Logan’s chest into overdrive, gosh that must have been Roman and that was the literal sound that happens when you ascend past this mortal world; pure and hopeful and did Logan just actually die? That’s the only reasonable explanation. Welp he said he platonically loved Virgil before he went to practice so no reason to regret. Wait what’s that voice.

“Pat you should have known, he literally walked over and said you were cute while dragging him along. You’d have to be really silly to drag your boyfriend along to call someone cute! I mean unless you’re poly but most teenagers don’t mess around with polygamy in high school and I dunno, but I told you!” the giggle sounded again, and Logan managed to turn to him in time to see the large toothy smile that broke out on the near charcoal skinned beauty. And yup, Logan was so gone. Virgil owes him dinner for a week now yup that’s what’s happening.

“um, are you ok Logan? Logan? Do you need to go to the nurse’s office?” that pulled him right back.

“what?! No! um, I mean, I’m fine it’s just uh, it’s a bit warm don’t you think, I mean it’s august and I’ve worn dark colors all day its fine I just need to cool down for a sec sorry.” Oh no there went his metaphorical chill. He used contractions! Gosh how could he have done this it’s embarrassing he wanted to be cool and calm and now he looks like a complete imbecile. Of course it was just then that the whistle ending practice sounded. There was shouting and running and suddenly Logan grabbed his bag and started packing hurriedly before standing.

“I uh, I am sorry, but I must be leaving, I hope to see you both tomorrow?” he rushed while trying to remain calm. Of course, the two others stood, and Patton gave a smirk.

“well we might bump into each other tonight. I was actually taking Roman to OG for his birthday dinner tonight as well. Maybe we can hang there, god knows with sports for him and theatre for Ro, it’ll be hard to chill anywhere else. I’ll be sure to book a table for 4.” Oh shit. That cheeky goth just winked. Oh god what does that mean what is he planning what did he just sign up for??? He nods, and waves then bolts to the locker room.

Logan was a regular there, as he had accompanied Virgil to every tryout for the team, so when the guys saw him, they paid no mind. He walked to the hallway directly next to where he knew Virgil was and slid to the floor, covering his face and pushing his glasses up to rest on his head. Virgil peeked his head around and snickered softly as he rushed to finish getting ready. When he was finished, he tapped Logan on the shoulder and they started on their way.

“I might have accidentally signed us up for something and I need you to promise not to yell because its freaking me out too and you yelling would make it worse ok? And I know you don’t yell at me but yelling in general might cause a panic attack right now” Logan blurted out while they were walking. He is acutely ware of the fact that he’s fidgeting with his tie but he’s nervous ok? Cut him some slack! Virgil glances over to him with a curious look as well as a promise in his eyes. They’ve learned to communicate without words after as long as they’ve been friends.

“well uh, you know how we are going to Olive Garden? Well apparently Patton and Roman were going too and Patton said he was going to get us a table for 4 and I sort of want to just go home and curl up in a ball but also like Roman’s voice is so nice and his giggle is like literal angel bells Virgil, his giggle is the sound that you hear after you die and I cannot handle it Virgil what have you done I knew I was gay but this is a lot and I don’t know what to do Virgil what do I do?” Virgil had to set his hand on Logan’s shoulder to help ground the now panicking boy. After taking a deep breath and calming down a bit he looks over to see Virgil with a small smile on his face. He takes his hand off his shoulder as he speaks.

“first off dude, I wouldn’t yell at you or near you if I have the choice, you know me I hate losing my temper. Secondly, that’s pretty cool! I did wanna hang out with them more they seem really interesting. Thirdly, it seems like you’ve found your dream guy lo. I’m glad I could drag you headfirst into your destiny. Just be yourself and everything will be fine. Plus, the kid looks like head over heels for you too. So just relax and go with the flow. You’ve got this.”

They both gave each other a look of confidence and a nod as they headed to the dreaded Olive Garden meet up. Will they survive? Maybe. Will they realize just how totally gay they are for the goth and the nerd? Most definitely. But the only way to know is to stay tuned!

thank you for reading!!!

#tw cursing #tw swearing #my writing #thomas sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #logince #moxiety #remy sanders

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iveonlyeverseenliketwoanimes · 7 years ago

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AoT: Levi Fanfic - Missing (5/6)

You had been back behind the walls for a couple weeks now, everyone who you used to know was so thrilled that you were back, Hanji had practically had a panic attack when she heard the news and when you returned to base with Levi she basically jumped you and didn’t leave your side for a solid week. Erwin was also very pleased to see you, not as happy as Hanji, but still happy. Levi didn't tell anyone about your little melt down back when you first came back and you were incredibly grateful. You and Levi had become a lot closer now since coming back, he made sure to check in on you at least once a day and listened to you go on about either your adventures in the wild or letting you rant and unload your baggage.

There was a small mission coming up that just consisted of some people going back out into the forest to collect the machinery they’d had to leave behind. Erwin had asked for you to go along with Hanji to ease you back into work and you had happily accepted, it was a small mission and you weren’t expected to take down any titans, just tag along with Hanji and help her collect all her science-y shit.

You were putting on your uniform when the door swung open and slammed into the wall making you jump.

“What do you think you are doing?” Said a angry voice, you turned to see the source of said voice only to be present with a angry little man that went more commonly by ‘Captain Levi’.

“Getting dressed?” You answered confused, despite knowing exactly what he was referring to, you didn’t think he’d be too happy about this and had planned on just going without telling him about it, that way he could just be angry that you went and not try to prevent you from going in the first place.

“Tsk, don't play dumb (Y/N), I mean what are you doing going on this mission, you’ve only just returned, why are you so desperate to go back out there?” He responded while walking over to you.

“Well for starters I've been back for like 4 weeks now and I'm pretty sure if I don't start helping out around here Erwin will personally kick me all the way back to the city and make me live a normal life as a baker or some shit and second, because I want to just go on this small mission so I can slowly get back into doing my job, you know the one I signed up for a couple years ago now? I know I've been gone a while but I still have a duty to protect humanity”

“And what about yourself? What about protecting yourself? You said you wouldn’t go out there again” Levi said as he paced around the room, obviously he wasn’t happy with me wanting to go back out into the field but its what I wanted and it’s what I have to do.

“I never said that Levi, I said I would never leave you again and I will stick to that promise. Hanji will be with me every step of the way and if theres anyone in this world that wants me to come home even nearly as much as you apparently do it’s her.” You said trying to reassure the man before you.

Levi turned to look at you, for once his emotions were clear, it was written all over his face that he was scared. He was scared of loosing you again and he was helpless, he knew he couldn’t stop you from going on this mission, you were a stubborn girl and when you wanted something you got it, he’d always admired that about you. He also knew that he couldn’t protect you, due to his injury he was on medical rest for a while and that meant no going with you.

“Just promise me, promise me you’ll come back to me” He said as he took your face in his hands, forcing you to look into his eyes.

“I promise you, I promise that I will come home, today, tomorrow, the day after that and so on, I swear Levi, I'm not going to leave you.”

The door swung open again causing Levi to release his hold on you and step away quickly before whoever it was saw. A happy looking Hanji stood there with all her gear on, clearly ready to leave. “There you are (Y/N)! I’ve been looking everywhere for you, what were yo- Oh! Levi, didn’t expect to see you here. Well don’t mind ol’ me, just here to get (Y/N) so we can leave”

“Sorry Hanji, Levi was just making sure everything was okay for this mission seeing as it’s my first since being back but I'm ready to leave now” You said to the taller woman and walked over to her sending Levi a smile on your way out. “Well isn’t that sweet! Well then I guess we’ll be off, see you later Captain Shorty” Hanji called back jokingly making you smile as we started walking away only hearing a ‘tsk’ sound as we left.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER

#levi #levi attack on titan #levi aot #Captain Levi #levi x reader #LEVI ACKERMAN #attack on titan #imagine #levi imagine #hanji zoe #erwin smith #levi oneshot #aot #levi fanfic #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #titans

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shaykeijser · 7 years ago

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a cw tv rant

i owe a lot to the arrowverse, dctv, and cw tv in general. the first show i ever really got into is izombie, which was after the flash i believe. izombie introduced me to the flash, then arrow, then legends of tomorrow, then supergirl, and so many other cw shows. so just know that i'm really grateful for all these shows. however, the treatment of some characters really grind my gears. so let's get this started. 1.) thea queen thea queen is without a doubt, my favorite arrowverse/dctv character. she is smart, funny, and strong as hell. i mean, this chick died. now about her strength: remember when she went rogue for a bit and trained with her biological dad malcolm merlyn (may he rip, i don't know for sure if he is dead and he shouldn't be bc he's a lot better of a villian than damien darke #oops) for a hot minute? that was her journey to becoming a kick ass hero. during the scene when she sparred with malcolm, she beat him. she beat the guy who's one of ollie's greatest enemies. sure it was a sparring match but she's such a skilled character and the writers be sleeping on her. stop introducing new characters (I LOVE THE NEW CHARACTERS DON'T GET ME WRONG) and work with what you've been building for so long! give her a good storyline this season! like roy harper, her being a kickass aunt to william, maybe even run for mayor or something in politics after ollie's term is over?? i don't know what but she should have some title in government or run a business because this chick knows what she's doing if she's given a platform. 2.) laurel lance so regardless of who you ship ollie with, laurel was a great character. i don't really know what to say bout her because they killed her and everytime they've brought up her coming back on lot it gets shut down so i know that won't happen. yeah it's great having katie cassidy on as black siren but ??? why did they kill her just to bring her back a few seasons later? to eliminate the other possible love interest oliver has? that's a bit dramatic. but yeah she just deserved better. 3.) ROY HARPER sorry that i yelled, i just miss this boy :(( i also love colton haynes and love to see him wherever i get him. david said that we'll see him this season so i'm just hoping that in the episode when we do, the feedback is so positive they bring him back right there and then. oh and for him to get with thea! they're my mom and dad man. 4.)maggie sawyer ok so this rant involves the fandom as well. to the sanvers shippers who think alex did the wrong thing: you obviously don't care about alex as much as you claim you do and don't want what's actually best for her bc she fucking wants kids and her walking away from maggie, the first woman she openly was in love with, was so incredibly hard for her and this woman doesn't deserve any hate for doing so. i have't seen many sanvers saying this but if you do?? i just don't get it?? that being said, what the writers did was such a shitty thing. i don't even want to get into it because supergirl every week gets less and less appealing. so people can be mad at how the breakup was handled and written, but alex danvers did the right thing. maggie sawyer letting her go was also the right thing. doesn't mean that the whole situation isn't a shitty thing. 5.) lowell tracy i don't know why i am switching fandom gears but they're all dctv/cwtv sooo. BUT YES THIS MAN DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE LIV DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SAY I LOVE YOU TOO. it's been over 2 years and i still can't talk bout him without getting teary eyed i'm sucha pussy. same with drake. 6.) joaquin desantos he was just a serpent boy who fell in love with a preppy boy :(( but i don't really get why he was written off (if the actor had to leave correct me) because it's not like they don't have serpents who do bad things on the show. and yes, maybe kevin wouldn't have wanted to be with someone who did all of that shit but i feel like kevin's mature enough to be open to sitting down and talking through all of joaquin's reasonings for doing those shady things. like that talk i'm going to ~assume~ betty and jughead had because if they didn't talk about jughead being a serpent and him lying to betty and whatever betty did, they're gonna be toast for realz this time. 7.) cheryl blossom she's still on the show but what the fuck was that drawing of her and josie like we had a beautiful possible romantic relationship growing between them and now everyone's like o_O i don't get the point of this post it's really messy and is gonna be an ass to tag but whatevs. also this is all my opinion so if you disagree with any of it, that's a-ok! except if you think that alex should have stayed with maggie. then you suck booty hole.

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iphoenixrising · 8 years ago

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Heavy in Your Arms con’t

@satire-please wanted the finish. I just can’t say no.

I’m so heavy

Whirl of colors. The spasm of his gut and throat, bile and cold sea water. Fist in his diaphragm, forcing the rancid waterfall out.

Pain racing up his spine and his fingers form claws even in the sodden gloves, ready to start tearing at the flimsy silk covering wood and plastic trapping him, ready to start from the inside:

—Screaming until he’s spitting blood, torn something there (that’s why his voice is fucked even now)

—Crying for Bruce: save me, don’t leave me in the ground to rot (but you fucked up, didn’t you? Why would he come save the Robin who failed? Who would?)

Heavy

—It’s dark and I’m scared (and now he’s forgotten how to fear the night, never fucking again)

—Where...Why? (because you should have never went after her. If you’d have stayed, the clown wouldn’t have taken your stupid ass the fuck apart. Shoulda put a gun in your mouth instead, not like you don’t always chicken the fuck out)

—Broken, bleeding fingernails (but getting through all that earth, and the first breath of tainted Gotham air was like salvation)

—Air...have to have air (no, asshole. You should have just fucking stayed dead)

Heavy in your arms

In and out. Things are flashes and snatches when he gets snippets. Movement kills it because his leg is muted but still a mess with inevitable pain waiting on the outskirts with a whole lotta lemme talk at ‘chu for a minute.

The blood loss might have made him slightly more insane than the Pit. Slightly because he’s seeing things in starks and spectrums. He’s the guy what always saw shit in shades of grays.

I’m so heavy,

Seeing things in color, just like him, his boy. Always had to be on the opposite ends of the scale because in some way they both got it— that bitch, Justice? Blind as fucking bat, yeah?

He snorts at it while the wind dries his hair and fuck he’s getting hit in the face with the battering of a cape, telling how far gone he’s got to be at this juncture.

B wouldn’t come for him, that shit is just plain stupid.

Heavy

But as stupid as it is, the kid in him buried in some dark corner, some un-fucked inch of his soul, the kid that coulda, woulda, shoulda been the right Robin...the part he can’t carve out, no matter how sharp the knife is, how strong the steel, how covered in gore it’s gets in his hand, that part still fucking hopes.

—Save me, Bruce.

Stupid little punk. Didn’t cha learn any better? You already done proved you ain’t worth the effort.

Heavy in your arms,

Out.

Back with it to the low, dulcet tone of a wrought-iron fire escape. One of the sturdy ones built back in the twenties when they intended shit to last. He can place himself by that noise alone— it’s the block of apartments on 152nd, his side of Gotham. He knows every building and bolt hole, all the old trolley stations (from back when it was the talk of Gotham, before it became the Narrows and dilapidated into drugs and low-income housing) and closed entrances to the subways, he knows the niches.

He knows where sin lives. Just another mark in the book, baby. Ya know I got it in spades.

And is it worth the wait?

The safe house is one of his. He knows it by the way the creaking mattress shoves a spring into his ass cheek.

Death seems further off since his leg is set in a complicated splint and elevated. Bodysuit is gone and his ribs wrapped just this side of too much. Someone was pissy about picking him up off the pier.

When he gets an eyeful of the slumped bird beside his shoulder on the bed, he gives a rough huff because some assholes have to show up like the motherfucking cavalry or some shit.

(Lemme go. When it’s time, Timmy, it’s time.)

He has enough in him to lift the hand just enough to fit at the back of Tim Drake’s neck, being smooth and easy with it. His fingers work up to scratch lightly at Tim’s scalp just like he’s seen his boy do a hundred times, knows it’s Red’s weakness.

All this killing time?

“You. Fucking. Asshole.”

Sounds about right.

“What do you think he would do if he heard half the made fucking ramblings I heard last night?”

Pacing, moving, doing because Timmy gets that kind of pissed off. You know, royally. He’s still in the Red Robin body suit, thrumming with energy now that some of them are going to live like the rest of the shithead population. At present, he’s cutting up a banana with feeling. One he apparently ain’t shy about sharing.

“Fucking up your second chance? Just giving up and I’m sorry.”

He winces for the banana.

Are you strong enough to stand?

“Timmy, c’mon, calm it down. Coming close...ain’t easy fer me. Gets my head all jacked-up with the…” and is he really going to do this? He and Baby Bird are good now, can work together, can snark, can siddown and have a burger on the ledge of the Wallstone. He has his own code into the Perch, got a coffee mug and set of pajamas.

But he’s never—

Only with Kory and Roy. Only with his boy.

And only when it tries to cut itself out. When it’s poison in the back of his throat.

Protecting both your heart and mine?

But it’s got Timmy turned away from the counter, facing him in the dim dawn starting to eek through the blinds. And Baby Bird is calm, rant tuning down, giving him the weight of his stare and full attention.

“It’s like,” and he has to look away, to stare up at the ceiling, to blink and keep himself away from the final moments, to gather a whole different kind of strength, “alla the bad comes first ‘cause....’cause I don’t remember enough of the other side to know if it matters, you feel me? The first time I was a shithead, but I died as Robin, trying ta save my mother, and...it was fucking noble. But when it comes again...Timmy, when it comes for me again, what if the good don’t outweigh the bad?”

Who is the betrayer?

“What if the scales ain’t never gonna be square now? ‘Cause I got ta come back.”

Who’s the killer in the crowd?

“What if I don’t get anywhere but gone. Maybe you don’t get the choice again. Who fucking knows?”

The one who creeps in corridors

“And the only good things I got to offer up...the only thing I done right this time...is that I made it square with you...and...and with him.”

And doesn’t make a sound

He must be hitting shock or something because he doesn’t even hear Timmy move. There’s just warmth when he’s already so fucking cold inside and out. Just like first waking up when all he could see was darkness and the inside of that casket wasn’t as comfortable as it looked to the meatbags on legs lookin’ down.

But his hands can move just enough to grip Tim’s shoulders from behind, he can lay his face in the side of that neck and be fucking grateful.

My love has concrete feet

The window gives under real strength, banging fast and hard.

He comes up enough to snag the .45, not screaming when the pain train hits full speed ahead. Tim’s already got pellets, even though he’s holding the younger of them to his hurting chest with his free hand because he ain’t gonna let Timmy go down that path before it’s his time—

When Nightwing leaps through, fast and furious, a whirl of feral destruction. Every muscle in his body is tense, a beautiful picture in that suit, and he must be feeling the glad-ta-still-be-breathings because he can appreciate his boy animalistic grace when he’s utterly pissed the hell off.

It’s always a sight to behold.

Tonight? It’s even better.

My love’s an iron ball

And the slow roll of those hips is the start of something utterly terrifying, the first Robin, former Titan, former Batman, and a whole lot of sexually charged vigilante powerhouse could be gearing up for a massive roundhouse to start the fight or could be a breath away from ripping your fucking clothes off to give you the ride of your life.

Or.

Could be hitting the wall with such stark relief that’s an inescapable hold and lips on his forehead, always a soft Romani prayer a litany against evil, a plea of protection and strength.

But his boy knows. Knows him down to the bone. Is achingly soft and easy, the whiteouts up on the mask so those blue eyes are overwhelming.

Wrapped around you ankles

“M’ sorry, sweets,” is rough because almost drowning had that effect, but his boy is a sucker for the real pet names, always has been.

“You asshole,” Nightwing pulls off the domino to becomes his baby, his sweet, his sugar (his redemption, his avenger, his guardian angel), and the arms get tighter, making the pain arch in his abdomen, but it ain’t all that. Naw, there’s always worse.

Over the waterfall

“You should have waited. I said I was on the way.”

Wouldn’ta mattered. We both know that.

“I was almost too you when the warehouse exploded. Jesus, Jay, I thought— I thought…”

“Aw, naw, sweets,” and he’s pressing his mouth under his boy’s watery eyes, “I’ma hard motherfucker ta kill. Ain’tcha figured that out yet?”

“Fuck that, we both know better.” And those eyes spill over, making tracks through the dirt of Gotham still on his face.

This will be my last confession

If only...if only he could be the man his boy deserves.

Instead, he’s the man he knows how to be, and draws the older vigilante down to fit their mouths together in a sloppy rendition of what might be a kiss, but is more breathing each other’s air, gripping each other to make sure it ain’t just a dream.

And he don’t have ta see it ta know his boy is gripping Timmy’s hand like a lifeline, like he’s a part of them.

He also knows Timmy’s gripping back just as tight.

I was a heavy heart to carry

My beloved was weighed down

My arms around his neck

My fingers laced to crown

None of them bitch when the two mobile vigilante strip down to boxers and crawl in bed with him. Tim’s cheeks and upper chest are a disturbing shade of red, but they don’t comment on it, not when they can’t let go of him any more than they can let go of one another.

They bracket him easy-like so the knee under his restrained leg takes some of the pressure off, and two fingers push hard enough to make the nerve clusters blissfully silent instead of radiating to his pain receptors.

His face is nestled in the crook of his boy’s neck, those long fingers rubbing soothing circles on the back of his neck while they all ignore the shamefully wet hitches in his breathing.

His grip is tight in Tim’s hair again, his shaky hand scratching against Baby Bird’s scalp to punctuated the point.

I was a heavy heart to carry

But he never let me down

When he held me in his arms

My feet never touched the ground

And it’s a crazy thing, one that strikes him at dark places where he stores the old pain and remorse, how he never thought he’d be worth this kind of grief. How no one would be stupid enough to mourn a piece of shit like him. A stupid punk-ass what got himself offed.

But while his phone lights up with worried texts from Roy and Kory, while B is on his boy’s comm demanding to know the Red Hood didn’t bite the big one again, while Alfred is stress baking and B is pleading for them to put him on so Alf will just chill the fuck out, while Timmy grips him, nuzzles a warm nose into his cold jugular, and his boy holds him in the present, those dark corners get...just a little bit of light.

Not too much to taint the darkness in his soul, just a slice enough so he can see how bright and white it is, so he can remember how warm it was to move into the first time, so he doesn’t have to be as afraid when the next time inevitably rolls around again.

I’m so heavy…

So heavy in your arms...

#oh god #heavy in your arms #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #possible dickjaytim #but still dickjay #my fic #my writing #satire asked for it #inspired by florence + machine

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sapphic-romeo · 6 years ago

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I am soooooo mad at my sister rn (again) so im just gonna rant under a cut

Things about living with my sister that piss me off:

1. She relies on me for EVERYTHING. We don’t have sponges or dish soap right now because I ALWAYS get them, but I asked her to this time and she said she would... three weeks ago. It’s from the dollar store two blocks from our house, so I’m not asking her to go a long way away, or to spend a lot of money... it should be so simple. And this is the third time something like this has happened, the first being...

2. The Toilet Incident. This is a whole item of its own because it was so disgusting and unequivocally her fault. She has her own half-bathroom that she says “doesn’t exist as far as I’m concerned.” She says this because I told her she can’t trash “my” bathroom as it’s the only one I’ve got. (Side note, that doesn’t matter when she has guests coming over and i have to clean her clothes out of my bathroom). Anyway, she clogged up the shared toilet with literal, actual shit. I was the first to find out it was clogged and it overflowed a little, and I had to use my personal bath towel to mop it up. I told her to deal with it, to go to the dollar store that is, again, 2 blocks away, and get a plunger, and she just. Didn’t. For a week and a half I was waiting to pee until I left for class or sneaking past her and her boyfriend while they slept so I could use her bathroom. Er, sorry, I meant the void I can’t look directly at because it doesn’t exist to me. Either way, I peed in it.

That’s not even the end of it. I left an angry note on the toilet for her to “GET A FUCKING PLUNGER” that she just threw away, and finally I told her “Today. It has to be today.” I had a few ideas of what the implied “or else” would entail, some involving poison ivy in her underwear drawer, or throwing her clothes behind our apartment, and frankly I almost did it anyway. Because she agreed to go get a plunger that same day. And then immediately invited her friends over to hang out. I don’t know about you, but unless they’re my best friend and they’re going to cheer me on while I hang up clothes, I don’t invite people over so I can run errands and do chores. That’s when I knew she was ignoring me. Again. So, despite it not being my literal, actual shit encrusting the main toilet, I went and got a plunger. I was still determined not to be the one to actually do it, because it was disgusting and you have to draw the line somewhere, but I just wanted it done at this point. So to make it even easier, I got my sister a pair of dish gloves, because I knew I’d want them. Even after all this literal and figurative shit, I was still trying to be nice.

So I bring the gear back to our place and I tell her that I got it, so whenever she’s ready to deal with it... She says “Oh. Thanks.” and goes back to talking with her friends. I putz around for a few more minutes, but now I have to pee. And I’m on the edge of going crazy. If she doesn’t deal with this problem right. Fucking. now, I’m gonna lose my entire mind. So, I get the plunger and put it in her hand. Literally place the damn thing in her awful, grubby, disrespectful, irresponsible fingers. She doesnt move. I have to beg her to go deal with it, in front of her friends (I’m sure she would’ve ignored me if they weren’t there), before she finally got up and made the toilet usable again. And you know what? She didn’t even scrub it. I did that. It was disgusting.

3. Money. This one is equal parts paranoia and justification for that paranoia. So we don’t have a lot of groceries in the house. The last time we did a big shopping trip was maybe a month ago. I picked up the tab for that, about $50. We got a lot of unnecessary stuff, mostly at her behest, but enough that I could make a few meals and we were both satisfied. She says she’ll pay me back over venmo, I say sure. On the way back we stop for gas, and this bitch. Oh, this bitch. She has not yet paid me back for the groceries, and at the gas station she starts trying to convince me to pay for the gas, because “You don’t fill up the tank ever because you don’t drive [our shared car] as much.” Yeah, no shit I don’t pay $25 to fill up the tank when I only use $5 of gas. I put in $5 of gas whenever I drive somewhere (I’m aquaintances with this one guy at this one gas station, I get a coffee and a few bucks of gas, it’s a good time). I tell her, “I just dropped $50 on groceries, you pick up the $25 gas and we’ll call it even,” even though that’s pretty forgiving on my part. She paid for gas, but even then she was huffy about it.

Small thing, she keeps borrowing quarters for laundry and then doesn’t pay me back.

She also keeps forgetting that I pay $50/mo for wifi, and says I owe her half the utilities, but doesn’t split the cost of wifi. Example: the gas bill last month was $84 total. She tells me I owe her $42, half, right? So I pay $42. Then I tell her she owes me $25 for the wifi, half, right? and she tells me “Well the electric was $25 total so how about I just put it towards that and you don’t have to pay any of it?” Um... what? The electric bill would only cost me $12.50 after splitting... where’s my other $12.50? I’ve learned my lesson at this point; we each cover the first $50 of utilities and split the rest, so she says “This month was $84, that’s $42 each,” and I say “No, we split $34, that’s $17 each.” It works out okay as long as I don’t let her get ahold of the money in the first place.

Now, this is where the paranoia comes in. I’m not sure she’s actually paying the bills with the money I give her. My (now ex) boyfriend lived with us for a few months, and when he moved out he gave her a chunk of cash that was more than enough to cover the last utility bills that would come along after he moved out. Then we go to dinner with our third sister, and she says “oh yeah, I can’t wait for my paycheck so I can finally pay the bills.” I look at her, and I’m like “Didn’t [REDACTED] give you the money to pay the bills like, 2 weeks ago?”

Both sisters ended up turning on me and thinking I’m dumb because “it doesn’t have to be the exact same money that he gave her, duh.” I mean, not technically, but when someone gives you money for something and you use it for something else, that’s kinda shady, even though she was going to pay the bills with her next paycheck. That’s something that absolutely happened, and I feel like that’s a precedent.

Now, I keep finding utility bills that are from at least a few weeks prior that say past due and are for way more than she told me (one from Feb 22nd said our account balance is around $150). I’ve seen the month to month statements, and she always brushes off my concerns, but I’m worried that she’s not paying our bills on time and trying to cover up the late notices. That might just be paranoia, but the whole thing is very confusing to me and it feels like she’s lying to me. She might just be paying them late within the month, and nothing has been shut off yet, but I worry.

3. Laundry. So, this one is a little bit on me, and the second story is about what set off this rant today.

First incident, she poked her head in my room one morning, I’d just woken up, and she said “I’ll pay you ten bucks to do my laundry and reimburse you for the quarters.” Good deal, right? I just have to keep an eye on the machines, it’ll take 3 hours, tops. I agree, and I get her stuff done, and then I get a text that just says “fold them.” Now, in my mind, running the machines and folding the clothes are two separate jobs. So I tell her “No, that wasn’t part of the deal.” We go back and forth, I don’t end up folding them, and she says she’s only gonna pay me $4 for running the machines, plus the quarters. I was pissed about that, because we had a deal and she shouldn’t get to just change the rules on me like that, but it turns out some of the clothes in the basket are still damp... whoops. Now the $4 (plus the $6 in quarters) seems generous. I didn’t know they were damp and I do feel bad about giving her a hard time for the fee when it was subpar work, but we move on. 3 weeks later she finally sends me the money (also 3 weeks? seriously?? I needed those quarters to do my own laundry.)

AND HERE WE ARE. A few days ago I took my laundry over to my dad’s house because I once again am out of quarters (I also couldn’t find my debit card to go get them, but that’s beside the point). I have about 2 hours before I have to go to work, and we have 2 loads of laundry to do, one with just my (top priority) clothes, and one with both of our bedding. My dad’s dryer takes longer than I thought, so I take most of the wet clothes out and just do my work clothes plus a few others. My sister says she’ll make sure that the rest of my clothes get done and she’ll bring them back the next day. My dad lives about 45 min away from us, so the next time she’s going to be near there I ask to come with... only I have work again and have to be back early. She doesn’t want to go home early, so she says she’ll get my clothes and bring them back.

We miss connections for a couple days, she’s at work or I am, she’s in class or I am, but my clothes are in the car and I can’t get to them. Yesterday I wore a pair of leggings as underwear. It was unpleasant. Finally, today, we’re in the same place at the same time, and I go down to eh car to get my desperately needed clothes. Only guess what basket she brought back, after telling me over and over that yes she had my clothes specifically. If you guessed the fucking bedding, you’d be correct. As grateful as I am to no longer be sleeping on a bare mattress, she only prioritized the load that included her things. Maybe I’m overreacting, but It feels like a massive slap to the face. It feels like she’s being selfish, and unreliable, and I am so tired of trusting her to do anything. I’m tired of trusting her being necessary. So today, as I go to a family party with no underwear on, I’m just going to fume and reconsider the poison ivy.

#long post #big sis #rant #ignore me

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