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sh0ek0 · 1 year

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midnight love (part 4)

please find the other parts via my masterlist in the pinned post on my blog!

pairing: megumi x f!reader summary: after surprising you on your 21st birthday, you ditch your friends to be with Megumi and finally talk. How will things be between the two of you, after everything that happened? genre: angst, but there's smut in the end heh content warning: !aged up characters!, college au, abusive/toxic relationship and dynamics, dark content, euphoria inspired dialogue (the part in the car is heavily inspired but I just love that conversation), mentions of alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking/cigarettes, explicit smut I guess lol word count: 6.7k

a/n: honestly, even if one person likes and comments on my writing it motivates me to keep going so thank you @denkisupremacist ily. also thanks to everyone else that commented/liked/reblogged the other parts. if u want to be tagged just dm me <3

recommended songs: midnight love - girl in red / I THINK - Tyler, The Creator / Altitude - Montell Fish / Exscape - Montell Fish

NSFW CONTENT AHEAD ! MDNI ! 18+

It wasn't that you liked lying to your friends. But as soon as you stepped back into the bar and slipped the necklace Megumi had just given you into your pocket, you knew you had to come up with an excuse to get out of here as quickly as possible.

"There you are!"

Yuji and Yuta were standing in front of you. They had both put on their jackets and looked at you with relief as you walked through the door.

"We came to check on you, you've been gone for almost half an hour," Yuji says, and you see Yuta's eyes follow your hand as you stuff the necklace into your pocket, but he says nothing.

"Uh—sorry, guys I could’ve texted one of you," you mumble, "my mum, she, uh, just had a lot to talk about."

Yuji’s is about to return to the others and take you with him to complete his mission as you link arms with him, when suddenly you both hear Yuta clear his throat. You spin around, feeling caught as you see the tall boy still standing there, frozen in place, his expression telling you that he didn't buy your story.

You hesitate for a moment, but then you give Yuta a questioning look.

"Really? Did something happen? I mean, it's late, why didn't she call you earlier if she wanted to talk?", Yuta asks and you let go of Yuji's arm, who oblivious to the suggestiveness in Yuta's voice. You watch him make his way back to your table before turning back to Yuta.

"No, everything's fine," you start as Yuta avoids your gaze and looks outside through the large windows in the entrance, as if he expected someone to be waiting there, "I guess my mum just misses me.

"Are you waiting for someone or shall we go back?" you finally ask him with a smile on your lips as he turns back to you.

"The texts that popped up on your phone earlier weren't from your mum, y/n."

You flinch, barely noticeable, as you hear what Yuta says to you. You had already turned away from him to join the others, deciding that if he wanted to investigate any further, he could do so on his own.

"Yuta, please…", you groan and look at him, rolling your eyes.

Now you really wanted to avoid him, so instead of going back to the others, you made your way through the people towards the bar in the back.

"No, stop avoiding me, I know he texted you." You heard his voice from right behind you. Great, he followed you.

"What do you want to hear now?", you ask him, turning to look him straight in the eye. He holds your gaze, towering over you as he takes off his jacket. You climb onto one of the stools by the bar and cross your arms like a stubborn child.

"I want to hear that you're not only getting older but also more mature, y/n," Yuta sighs, plopping down on the bar stool right next to you.

"How long have we known each other now? Three years? Four years? You were already Maki's best friend when I met you two."

"What’s you point, Yuta? Is it because of Maki? I don't think he'll do anything to her, I can assure you..."

"No, y/n, he won't do anything to her, but he will do something to you, and you don't want to realize that."

"Yuta, he said he’s sorry, he was drunk and he saw me with Choso, that was kind of my fault, I-", you protest, "I triggered that reaction."

You could see the spark of desperation flash across Yuta's face. It wasn't your fault, you didn't provoke him, you didn't trigger his reaction - but you weren't ready to admit that.

"He would never hurt me on purpose, I think he just needs... help," you added, "I can help him."

Yuta pressed his lips together and closed his eyes for a tiny moment. His sigh was clearly audible, he rubbed his temples as if his head hurt.

"None of us can protect you," he admitted, before taking a deep breath, "and I can't bear to hold my girlfriend in my arms over and over again while she cries because her best friend wakes up next to her from a panic attack five nights in a row, because she was assaulted and almost strangled by a guy she thinks loves her."

His words force you to look up at him and your eyes widen as you realize what he had just said. Maki has always been so strong for you, you don't remember when you last saw her crying, and now you realize how selfish you have been. You were only able to put up with everything Megumi had done to you because your friends were there to catch you.

"And I'm afraid of the day I'll find out that this guy has gone too far and I'll never be able to see my friend again." Yuta takes one of the two beers he ordered for both of you and takes a sip.

You swallow, amazed at how quickly this conversation had turned.

"Yuta, you know Megumi, you know what his problems are, I can't leave him, I love him," you blurt out, "I can't leave him."

"I haven't really known him for a while now, and I think he needs therapy before he's allowed to ever come near you again."

"You're not his personal punching bag, fuck, y/n, I've seen that before with my mum and my - my dad."

Your heart starts beating faster as you listen to what he reveals. He's never told you that before.

"He won't change," he mumbles, taking another sip, his gaze averted from you.

"That," his eyes were on your neck now, making you want to turn away from him, "you can still cover up. Next will be the black eye and the broken nose."

"If you’re lucky," he adds quietly. You feel the tears welling up in your eyes.

It was just like the conversation with Yuji, you just couldn't argue, you had no arguments. You could justify everything to yourself, but to Yuta? To Yuji? To Maki? Of course they were right, but you didn't want to hear it. You didn't believe that you could be alone and you didn't believe that you could ever love another person the way you loved Megumi. What could you say to your friends, your friends who had been worried from the beginning?

Megumi had once belonged to this group, until he changed more and more and your relationship grew more difficult.

So you wondered what you should tell your friends in the future. Right in this moment, you couldn't even look Yuta in the eye, especially him, he had been the first to notice…

"Let me go, Megumi, you’re hurting me," you begged, pressed up against the wall. It was dark, of course it was, you went out tonight with all of your friends and you were far away from the dance floors upstairs. It was so dark that you could barely make out his face, only occasionally did a few lights flash across his features.

He had one hand on your hip, his fingers digging into your bare skin, while the other had a firm grip on your jaw, forcing you to look at him.

"What was that, huh?", he spat at you, he was nearly fuming, his body pressed up against yours in an attempt to keep you in place, "Were you flirting with him? I saw the looks you gave him."

"'Gumi he’s in one of my seminars, it was noth—ow!" You grimace in pain as his hand leaves your hip and grabs your upper arm instead, pulling you along with him. He walks a few steps until you are at the foot of the stairs leading up. Megumi rears up in front of you, towering over you as he forces you a few more steps backwards into the cramped space between the stairs and the wall.

"No, stop, what are you doing, I don’t-", you protest, but you have no chance to escape, "Stop this nonsense, Megumi, nothing happened, let me..."

"You’re dressed like a fucking hooker for what, hmm? For him?", he growled, the tone of his voice silencing you in an instant, "Wanna show me what you wanted to do to him?" He pushed you against the wall. You groaned as you lost your balance for a second and hit the back of your head.

"Come on, don’t be so shy now."

You stared up at your boyfriend, trapped between him and the wall behind you. His hands were groping all over your body, and you felt his right hand move up to grab your chin again, but this time it didn't stay there. Instead, his fingers wrapped around your neck, squeezing lightly, but none of that seemed familiar. He had done this before, in another setting, he knew you liked it, but this time was different. Even though it was dark, you could see the lust in his eyes, but there was none in yours. And you could feel how upset he was, he was angry and rough and you knew that he didn't care what you wanted at the moment.

"Stop, I—I don’t want this, let me go," you sobbed and tried to wriggle out of his grip, "Megumi, please, let me go…"

"What the fuck, man, leave her alone."

You looked up to see Yuta rushing down the stairs, grabbing Megumi by the shoulders and pulling him back without waiting for any more context. He read the situation right, so he didn't need you to confirm anything for him.

He heard you the first time.

"Fuck, man, what was that supposed to be? What's wrong with you?", he shouted at him, pushing him back, further down the hall. Yuta actually was a bit taller than Megumi and was able to keep him in check, even if he fought back. You had probably never seen Yuta this upset and Megumi seemed to think the same, but you had no intention of staying to see what they would make of it.

As soon as Megumi was busy with Yuta, you gave him a thankful look and hurried up the stairs, right into Maki’s arms. She quickly realised what was going on and sent Yuji to separate the two.

After that, you left with her and Nobara and that was the first of many nights you spent in Maki's bed, instead of your own.

"Hey, guys, there you are," Maki interrupts the two of you as she walks over to her boyfriend and puts her arm around his waist.

Noticing that the others have also gathered around you, obviously ready to leave, you look in the other direction and wipe the tears from the corners of your eyes.

"We've decided to move on," Yuji says excitedly, "we'll either go to another bar or back to our apartment, what do you think?"

"That's actually a good idea," Yuta chimes in, standing up and grabbing his jacket before taking Maki's hand, "let's go."

You stand up as well and take your chance while you can.

"Guys, I would love to come with you, but I have to retake an exam on Monday and I think I really need to catch up on some sleep," you explain, and you're not even lying, "Shoko offered to drive me home, she's already waiting for me outside, so I think I should go."

Well, that was a lie.

Your friends protest, but you ignored them - you had already put on your jacket and were about to give each of them a big hug.

"Thank you for the surprise," you say and wave goodbye, "Honestly guys, it was so much fun with you, thank you."

You smile and did your best to avoid their glances, trying not to look at Yuta, Choso or Maki, who had probably already seen through you as well.

"See you," you mumble and turn around, taking your phone out of your purse to text Megumi before you had even left the bar.

You grin to yourself, eyes glued to you phone as you push open the door, your other hand fishing the necklace out of the pocket of your jeans. You put your phone back in your purse before you put your necklace back on when you hear another notification.

Megumi had sent you his location, so you followed the map on your phone screen without looking back. You were already quite far away and out of sight, but if you had turned around, you would have seen how your friends left the bar. And then you would have seen how Gojo and Getou were standing outside with them, with Shoko in their middle, waiting for the others.

Shoko, who, as you told them earlier, was supposed to drive you home.

You are just about to get into his car as a call from Maki appears on your screen. Instead of answering it, you reject the call, and you lean over to Megumi to kiss him. Then you turn off your phone.

***

I know I don’t want to Be the one that you run to When you got nowhere else to go When you need some love

You watched as Megumi tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, while you were silently listening to the music playing in the car. He had one hand on your thigh and while he was driving the two of you sat in comfortable silence. The setting was much too familiar for you to be nervous around him.

"Why did you not even hesitate for a second when I texted you earlier?"

I know I’m the last one You try to call but I always give in To give you it all

"What?", you ask after a moment. You understood what he said, but still.

"I know I hurt you, I mean-" He looked over to you, before turning back to the street.

"I mean, not only physically but also.. emotionally."

Yue.

The images of him being all over her came back flooding to your brain and you just shook your head as if you were trying to get those thoughts out of your mind.

"Can we not talk about that?", you ask and try to smile at him, while you feel his hand squeezing your thigh.

I can’t be your midnight love When your silver is my gold

Megumi stays quiet after that. You sink deeper into the seat and think about the last time you sat here, think about what you said to him.

"Sometimes I feel like you've ruined me forever," you say after a while, staring out of the windshield in front of you. You let your head fall back against the headrest, before turning to look at him.

In this light, I swear I’m blind In this light, I swear you’re mine

"Well, it does sound romantic when you say it like that," Megumi replies after thinking about your words for a little while.

"I still love you, you know that?" He looks at you.

"Yeah, you said that, after kissing me goodbye earlier," you mumble, not taking your eyes off him,

"But why, though? Why do you love me, when you do all this?"

You can see that he thinks about your question for a moment, and when he speaks, it’s probably not quite what you wanted to hear. Rather, you wanted to hear why he hurt you so much, again and again, when he said he loved you.

"'Cause you’re smart. And cruel, in a way, but not really. You’re so beautiful I don’t ever get tired of looking at you."

"Not really smart?", you ask.

"Not really cruel," Megumi says.

You nod and you don’t say anything after that, at least not for little while. Instead, you watch the lights go by as the car pulls off the highway and slows down after another few minutes, eventually coming to a stop and you realize you're in the parking lot in front of Megumis dorm building.

You look over at him, once again.

"You know, it’s funny that you say that," you observe, "it’s funny because that’s something I didn’t really realize until after you broke up with me."

"That you’re the cruel one, and not me."

You swallow and feel his hand leaving your thigh to turn off the car.

"Did you know that I loved you?", you ask, without taking your eyes off of him, "Of course you know that, I’ve told you often enough."

You told him right in this car, a few weeks ago. The exact same thing.

"I’ll probably sound like a broken record but I’m not talking about obsessing over you, or fighting or fucking," you declare and your hands start trembling, "I’m talking about love."

"Did you feel loved by me?" The question rolls of your tongue so easily but the minute you asked, you were afraid of the answer.

"I don’t know." He says, almost to quiet for you to hear him. That’s what you were afraid of.

"I don’t know if I feel anything, really," he adds,

"I just know that I love you. And I haven’t stopped, ever, since the moment I first saw you."

I hope that the right time one day arrives So I’ll be willing to let this die Able to look you right in the eyes Say I’m not your consolation prize

"You wanna stay the night?", he then asks, one hand still on the steering wheel, as if he needs to hold on to something.

"I’d love to," you reply immediately.

***

You hadn't even made it into his dorm room as you were already pressed up against him, the two of you tightly entwined, one of his hands roaming your body while the other one was trying to unlock the door. As soon as you stepped into the building together you'd closed the distance between you, pressed your lips so gently to his, and he didn't stop kissing or touching you since, the way up to the second floor taking longer than expected.

You couldn't even begin to describe how good it was to feel him, to taste him, to smell him, to be pressed up against his body, to feel his breath on your skin as you heard the small pants he released into your mouth.

When Megumi finally manages to open the door, you almost lose your balance and you interrupt the kiss to catch yourself from stumbling. Thanks to his quick reflexes, he was able to catch you, his arms already wrapped around your body anyway. You noticed how content he looked, his eyes never once leaving yours, instead he seemed to get lost in them as he maneuvered you backwards into his apartment.

"What abou—mhmm," you try to ask, but you're quickly interrupted by Megumi pressing his lips to yours again as he closes the door behind you.

"What about Noritoshi?", you try again as he pulls away.

"Hmm?", he asks, and you can almost see the question marks popping up above his head.

Not a second later it dawns on him.

"Ohh, no, he's still out of the country," he says, kicking off his shoes, before locking his lips with yours again.

Right, his roommate's semester abroad, you almost forgot that he’s living alone at the moment.

"Thank God," you murmur against his lips as you slip your hands under his hoodie and t-shirt, pushing them both up and feeling the goosebumps on his skin as you touch him. He grins at your words and you help him out of his clothes, which he tosses carelessly to the side.

Standing with your back to the door, you had already slipped out of your jacket, it had found its place on the floor next to his clothes. Your noses bump together in the heat of the moment as Megumi pulls your shirt over your head, his lips so desperate to find yours again after being separated for a moment.

It causes both of you to giggle.

You look at him in awe, and even though you noticed earlier tonight that he must have lost some weight, he still looked so good. You reach out to him and touch his chest, your fingertips ghosting over his skin, tracing the outline of his abs down his stomach until you hook a finger into the waistband of his jeans, and you manage to open them up with the help of your other hand.

You don't get much further than that, as Megumi presses you up against the door slightly, his hands roaming your body before opening up your bra in a swift motion, tossing it to the side just like he did with your other clothes. His lips were on yours again and he relaxes into the kiss, supporting himself with his left hand next to your face, while his right caressed your waist, squeezing the flesh of your hips and tapping your thigh once, then twice, signaling you to wrap your hands around his neck, so you did. He picked you up with ease, his lips never leaving yours even for a second while your legs wrapped around his waist and he carries you through the room, over to his bed.

Megumi sets you down carefully on the mattress, pulling back for a moment to get rid of his jeans and pulling yours down as well before crawling after you. He hovers over you, supporting himself with both hands next to your face, taking a good look at your body before pressing his mouth to yours and forcing his tongue inside, making you moan against his lips.

His lips trail up your jaw, then down your neck to suck on your sensitive skin. You were lost in thought and the sensation made you flinch for a split second as you were still afraid of any kind of touch to your neck. You did your best not to show it, but of course he noticed.

"'m sorry, baby," Megumi mumbles against your skin, kissing up to the corner of your mouth, while you assure him that everything's alright.

"It’s okay," you breathe, cupping his face with one hand as you look into his eyes. He hesitates for a moment, but you can see a smile tugging at his lips.

"What?", you ask, brushing a black strand of hair out of his face.

"You look so pretty," he sighs. After all, he was the only one that was able to make you blush like that.

"Oh, stop it." You loved it when he talked like this.

"No, I missed your pretty face," he insists.

"Missed those two pretty girls," he continues, as his lips trail down your chest, kissing your soft skin and latching his mouth onto your hardened nipple, while his hand began to play with the other bud. He drew a few soft moans from you, your fingertips grabbing at his messy hair.

After giving some attention to them, he released your already swollen nipple with a lewd pop! to move his lips further down your body, peppering your stomach with kisses, his nose brushing over your skin and the cold air hitting your wet buds sent shivers down your spine.

You couldn’t help but whine as he kissed down the inside of your thighs, spreading them apart with his large hands while his fingertips were digging into you skin, revealing the damp fabric of your panties. As he kissed the wet patch that was already starting to form you had no other response for him than the needy moan that escaped your lips, and when you felt his teeth grazing at the seam of your underwear, you grew impatient.

"'Gumi, please," you whimper, your fingers still buried in his dark hair, now slightly tugging at the ends.

"Missed my pretty pussy," he groans, before pulling your wet panties to the side, making you shiver once again as the cold air met your slick.

"Fuck, you’re so wet for me," Megumi hisses, swiping his thumb over your clit and through your folds, gathering your juices.

"All for me," he muses, looking up at you as you lie there, looking so pretty for him, with flushed cheeks and those lewd moans that you couldn’t stop from escaping your throat.

"Megumi, please," you plead, again, wriggling your hips downwards in his direction, "n-need you, now."

But he ignored your begging, savoured this moment to the fullest while he inspected your pussy, admiring how wet you were just from making out with him.

"Stop being such a fucking tease," you whimper and close your eyes, throwing your head back in a stubborn attempt to grasp a single, clear thought, while your mind was already growing so dizzy with him taking his time.

"Mhm, won’t let me enjoy the view for a moment, huh? So needy already", Megumi groans with a sly grin on his lips. He pulls down your panties in an agonizingly slow motion, keeping them in his hands before coming back up to press a kiss to your lips, which you return hungrily, causing him to chuckle.

He pulls away, while staring deep into your eyes.

"Open your mouth," he orders while you just stare at him through glassy eyes. You’re perplexed for a second, looking at your panties in his hand.

"I said," he coos, lowering himself down to your ear, "open your mouth."

You finally obey, parting your lips and showing your tongue. Without another word he stuffs your dampened panties into your mouth, the sensation of your own taste on your tongue drawing a muffled moan from you.

"Next time think twice before giving me orders," he growls into your ear, his low voice making you rub your thighs together in anticipation. You nod, moaning against the fabric as Megumi returns to his original position, and hooks his arms around your legs. Without another warning he licks a thick stripe along your dripping cunt, swirling his tongue through your wet folds, but never quite hitting your clit. He was still teasing you, not giving you what you wanted just because you acted up.

You let out a desperate moan, even though it’s muffled by the soft fabric stuffed into your mouth. A fat tear rolls down your cheek while you’re squirming beneath him, desperate for some attention on your swollen bud.

His tongue circles your entrance, licking through your folds while he’s eager on not giving your clit too much attention. You whimper and whine, your body trembling underneath him as your hands let go of his hair, moving up your thighs towards your core when you couldn’t wait any longer for him to finally give you what you wanted.

The vibrations of Megumi humming against your slick left you wanting for more, and just as you were about to let your own fingers dive in, giving yourself some kind of release and rubbing at your clit, he grabs both of your wrists with one of his large hands and holds them tightly while he continued to lap at your sweet pussy. You’re left whining and begging, most of your sounds being inaudible, but he could hear how desperate you were.

You almost choke on your own spit as you suddenly feel him sucking hard on your neglected clit, your hips bucking up towards him made him release your wrists from his tight grip. He dug his fingers into the plush of your thighs to force them back open and keep you from suffocating him between your legs, after they clamped down around his head at the unexpected sensation.

Those deep groans he was releasing into your sopping pussy made you even wetter, and it felt like Megumi wanted to drown in you, his tongue pushing in and out of your hole, circling your clit and sucking on it, while you were only able to roll your eyes back and whine in desperation, your moans getting swallowed as your mouth was stuffed full.

You throw your head back again, breathing hard through your nose, while hot tears kept flowing down your cheeks, you couldn’t take it, it was just too much for you.

Megumi glances up at you, watching you squirm and wriggle under his grip, enjoying every second of your struggle, while you felt your core tighten with every swipe of his tongue against your cunt.

"Oh, I really fucking missed this pussy," he growls, with a grin on his lips, while all you could do was moan so desperately in return.

Your body tenses up as he flicks his tongue against your clit, and just when you thought that you were about to lose your mind, he brings a hand up to push a long digit inside of your clenching hole, sliding in a second as a response to your loud moans right after, pumping them in and out of you slowly, and stretching you out as your walls squeeze down on him.

"Hnnngh," you whimper, everything else getting swallowed by your soaked panties. You were so close and he knew that, picking up the pace at which he was pumping his digits in and out of you, curling his fingers into your core, while his tongue was relentlessly drawing circles on your sensitive bud.

"What was that?", he asks, a teasing smirk on his lips, "Speak up."

You whine and squeeze your thighs together, when finally he pulls the fabric out of your mouth, a string of saliva still clinging to it as drool trickles down the corner of your mouth.

"So nasty," he grunts, tossing your panties aside, "you’re close?"

You nod with your eyes closed. "Mhmm," you whine, "’Gonna cum, please, make me cum."

"Fuck, you look so hot," he groans lowly, "gonna cum for me? Go ahead, baby."

"I’ve got you, cum on my tongue."

And just as he pushes a third finger inside you, tongue still relentlessly lapping at your wet folds, you let out a loud cry and your head falls back against the mattress. You can feel your cunt squeezing down against his fingers as your orgasm washes over you and your thighs start to shake as he pulls his fingers out, lazily rubbing your throbbing clit through your high, leaving you shuddering while seeing only stars behind your closed eyes.

It takes a while for you to come down again and you peel your eyes open to see Megumi hovering over your body, admiring the fucked out expression on your face. He kisses you, letting you taste yourself on his lips, a small whimper falling from your mouth in return. You cup his face, almost too weak to reach your arm out for him, while he soothingly brushes his thumb over your cheek.

"Did so, so good for me, baby," he coos, you enjoy his praise, and having his warm body pressed up against you felt so familiar.

You’re too overwhelmed as you watch him pull off his briefs, the sight of his cock making you dizzy once again. It’s not like it’s the first time you see him, but every time he manages to make your mouth water just at the sight of how big he his, so big that you can already feel the sting he would cause while stretching you out.

"Tired?", he asks with a smirk on his face, and without waiting for an answer he grabs you by your hips and pulls you towards him.

"Let me take care of that," he groans, helping you up to place a pillow underneath your hips, "Just relax for me, baby."

Your face was still so hot, and your cheeks still flushed a deep shade of pink. Your head lolls to the side, exhaustion pulling at your heavy eyelids, as Megumi grabs your chin and turns your face towards him.

"Hey, look at me, babygirl," he chuckles, "'Wanna see your pretty face when my dick’s buried deep inside of you."

Megumi wastes no time, smearing pre-cum that leaked from his tip along your still completely soaked cunt, and lining himself up with your entrance. You can’t do anything else than let out a helpless gasp as he presses the head of his dick into you.

"Fuck," he hisses, "'Been thinking about this since the last time I’ve got to fuck you."

He pushes himself in slowly, the stretch of his girth still giving you a stinging sensation, even though his fingers were already trying to prepare you earlier. You can hear your own desperate whines bouncing off the walls of his bedroom, and as he grabs both of your legs to throw them over his shoulder to bottom out completely, a high-pitched moan escapes your throat.

"Fuck, y’feel so good, 'Gumi," you whine, "S-so big, stretching me out so well."

"You’re still so fucking tight," Megumi huffs, kissing your ankles while his hands grab onto your legs for support, "I won’t last long if you’re squeezing me like that, fuck."

All you could hear was the sound of his wet skin, coated in your juices, slapping against your ass, while he pushed into you, increasing his pace with every thrust, fucking you senseless. There was nothing there to muffle the lewd moans that left your lips and you were so fucked out that you didn’t care about his neighbors anymore, you weren’t even able to hold back your sounds.

He hit your cervix a few times in a row, causing you to see stars and desperately search for anything to hold on to. Those whimpers and whines that fell from your lips were in sync with his thrusts, and soon you were nothing but a crying mess beneath him.

"F-fuck, M-megumi," you sob, trying to catch your breath, your fingers digging into the sheets, "S-slow down, it’s too—nnghh."

"Slow down?", a low groan escapes him as he rolls his hips into yours at a steady pace, "already got lost in this pussy, you better hold on tight." You look up at him, your eyebrows drawn together, and you see sweat trickling down his temples.

"Oh god," you moan out, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, while he fills you all the way up with every snap of his hips against yours. You feel like losing your mind for the second time tonight, your walls clenching and throbbing around him, sucking him in so deep that you’re wondering how he’s even able to thrust in and out of you at that pace.

"Shit," Megumi curses, and you’re so close that you nearly cum again with one harsh brush of his pelvis against your swollen clit. He had already fucked you dumb, tears stinging in your eyes and when he leaned down, pushing your legs up to your chest, you knew that he was close too. The feeling of your pussy clenching around him made him falter and he had to support himself by clutching onto the headboard, to not completely crush you while leaning onto your body.

You can feel how your walls tighten around his length and hearing his low, breathy moans against your ear made your second orgasm approach embarrassingly fast. Megumi notices how you grab tighter onto the sheets, so he moves the angle of his hips just a bit to hit your sweet spot and it immediately does it’s magic, you’re left sobbing when you feel the knot in your stomach tightening.

"You gonna cum with me, baby?", Megumi pants and while you’re unable to form any logical sentence, all you’re able to reply is a drawn-out moan as he pushes you over the edge a second time tonight. You feel his thrusts getting sloppier with every stroke while your second high washes over you and then he practically collapses on top of your body. His body is trembling as he releases thick ropes of his load deep into your abused pussy, and you hold him while he curses and whines 'Fuck, you feel so good' and 'Shit, I was so afraid I lost you for good this time'

and also 'I love you so much'.

He almost crushes you with his weight as he leans down and presses his lips to yours, drowning in that afterglow. You're too exhausted to say anything, so you’re just stroking his back soothingly, listening to your heart beating in sync, while you’re coming down from your high.

After a while he slides off you, not without planting another kiss on your temple, and grabs the blanket at the foot of his bed to pull it over you both, his body pressed up against yours behind you, one arm draped over your waist. You both lie in silence for a while, just enjoying each others warmth.

"I didn’t hesitate because I missed you so much I couldn’t even think straight," you mumble, answering the question he asked you in the car earlier.

"The moment you left the room, I knew I wouldn't see you again for a while."

"You do this every time, do you know that?", you swallow when you feel him pulling you in against his chest, "You treat me like shit, then we make up and you say you’ll stay, and then you're gone."

"Y/n…" You hear his raspy voice against your hair.

"No, we have to work on this," you insist and turn around to face him, your hand placed flat against his bare chest, "I don’t wanna lose you." Your voice sounded brittle, almost fragile.

Megumi sits up again, resting his back against the headboard, while you stay in your position, scooting over to him a little bit to lean your head against his side. "I promise you we’ll work this out, y/n." You were naive enough that this was sufficient for you. After all, you had no other choice but to rely on his words.

You climb out of his bed to put on your t-shirt and search for your underwear until you remember what happened to it. How convenient that you left some clothes at his place a while ago, so you go over to his wardrobe to find something suitable. You cringe a little at the sight of the white thong embroidered with the words 'Lucky You'.

You bought it when you were like eighteen and you have to chuckle while putting it on. Well, you weren’t so wrong back then.

Megumi looks up after hearing you giggle and you throw him a pair of grey sweatpants and his black hoodie, which he puts on, but not without taking another look at you.

"Mhmm—guess I am," he rasps, lifting the covers to motion for you to come back to him, "Come here."

You grab your phone and walk over to him, cuddling up to his warm body while turning your phone back on. You wanted to know what time it was, and you remembered turning it off earlier when Maki tried to call you.

Your phone screen turns white before you see your lock screen, a picture of you, Maki and Nobara, and as soon as it gets a signal, several notifications pop up all at once. You had about six missed calls from Maki and Yuta, even Shoko had texted you and right at the bottom of the screen were three messages from Choso.

'Are you with him?'

'Text me if you’re alright'

'I swear to god, y/n, if he hurts you, I’m gon…'

You weren’t fast enough to hide the texts from Megumi.

I can’t be your second best Close but not your favorite I keep going back for more Where there’s nothing from before

#Megumi Fushiguro #Megumi x reader #megumi smut #Jjk smut #fushiguro x reader #fushiguro smut #megumi fushiguro smut #dark megumi #dark megumi fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #megumi x you #megumi fic #sh0ek0 #megumi angst

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trendywaifus · 1 year

Note

Can i have Lisa,Eula and jean with an academic S/O who became smart through hard work , but still feeling like they are not smart enough?

Thanks for your writing btw they have been helping me whenever i feel down

school’s finna start soon so I’m glad I was able to get to this at a nice time. also, you’re welcome lovely! if you ever feel down just know that I’m always here for you and I’m here to stay. this blog right here proves it and this is for everyone else as well!

btw this is heavy in dialogues–ish. ( not proofread lol)

“ your cute little nose has been buried in those books for a while now, darling. i almost mistaken you for jean. “ lisa jokes sweetly, placing her hand on your back as she peeks over your shoulder to take a quick glance at your progress. you’ve tucked yourself away in the small corner of the library for the past few hours and now it’s almost closing time. for the time you been there, she doesn’t think she seen you out of that chair.

“ sorry lisa, “ you awkwardly laughed, “ i’ve been stuck on this formula for a bit. i still need to figure out the base ingredient for making the heatshield potion. “ she hums, her eyes skimming over the question and then your written out work. she rubs your back soothingly before she answers, “ you got almost everything down packed cutie but what you’re missing is butterfly wings. “

butterfly wings? was it really that simple?

you groaned, crossing your arms. “ that was such an easy and common answer, lisa. why didn’t i get that?” she chuckles airily and kissed your temple. “ don’t beat yourself over it too much. alchemy can be simple at times despite it being really complex. when i studied at the sumeru academy, even i was having trouble with some of the fundamentals and properties of alchemy. “

“ yes but lisa, compared to me, you’re, well—you! you’re a genius. you had to have gotten it right the first time every time! “

lisa frowns at your words. “ which was due to my insatiable hunger for knowledge back then. I can’t deny that i am more academically–gifted than others but you can only go so far with just pure talent. many people unfortunately doesn’t understand that. “

her words sinks in, you felt stupid for even exerting your frustrations on your lover, she was just trying to help you. “ no need to look so ashamed, darling. i understand how you feel completely, trust me. however, don’t let this discourage you from your studies. i really do admire your work ethic, you remind me of my younger self. . in a better way if i should say. “ she pats your shoulder and yawns.

“ with that being said, it’s just about time for me to close the library. since you haven’t gotten out of that chair, that rear of yours must be sore. so why don’t you be a cutie and help me put everything back up? i’ll reward you with kisses after~ “

eula steps inside of the shared home with a deep sigh. after a long day of the usual nonsense with the locals and patrolling she wants nothing more than to settle in bed with you. she takes off her heels and steps into the unusually dark living room. weird, normally you’d wait in the living room for her with open arms and a huge smile but you’re nowhere to be found. her first thought would of been you going to sleep since she did arrive late later in the night this time. that was until she notices a dim light at the end of the hallway from the shared bedroom.

she raises a brow and made her way down the hallway. “ unbelievable. “ eula mutters under her breath as she sees your hunched over figure at the desk, studying. “ you were like this when i left in the afternoon! “ you jumped at the sound of her voice and smiled apologetically at her, rubbing the back of your neck. “ my dear, you’re back! sorry, i got caught up with the material and i didn’t notice you’ve came in. “ the woman scoffed, crossing her arms with disdain. “ not greeting me at the door is something I can live with, but coming home to you cramped up in this room is ridiculous. did you even take a break, eat, or even come out of this room? “

you avert your gaze to the floor, swallowing thickly. eula impatiently taps her foot, waiting for your response. “ well? “

“. . . .uh, no? “

“ what the devil! what’s the meaning of this? you’ve been like this for the past few days! are there any exams I should know about that’s coming up? “

“ . . .no, “ eula was about to scold you but she stops herself as the sad look on your face makes itself known. her heart drops at the sight.“ i. .feel like i’m inadequate. seeing the people around me thrive while i’m stuck at a standstill. .hurts. “ you admitted, lips pursing into a tight line. eula stands there by the doorway in silence, finding the right words to say. she understands you fully, it scares her of how familiar this set up is. it was like she was hearing her inner thoughts when she was younger.

she sighs, “ don’t you dare say that, (name). you’re not inadequate at all. “ she walks over to you and rests her hand over yours. “ think of it like this, people have their own way of dancing, some may like to go slow or fast in terms of tempo to reach the end of their song. but, do you know what matters most for that to happen? “

“ practice and stamina? you’ve practiced dancing all your life, eula, wouldn’t you say those are crucial? “

“ yesn’t. i’m also trying to be more practical here, mind you. it’s about discipline and grit. you can’t have a good practice routine if you can’t separate yourself from distractions. you most certainly won’t have good stamina if you don’t have the grit to work yourself through inevitable trials and errors. i’m the way i am today not only because of the aristocratic ways but because of those two things. “

she takes it upon herself to close the book in your hands and sets it somewhere on the desk. a soft frown adorns her lips, “ but you also have to maintain your health as well, both physically and mentally. so whatever this you’ve been doing—needs to stop. now, come and get ready to go to bed with me my love, i demand for my nightly cuddles. “

“ my love, why are you up so late? “ you jumped in surprise at the familiar concerned voice and a hand touching your shoulder. you whipped your head around to see your lover, who had a worried smile on her face. if she was already home then it must of been almost midnight by now! you started studying around midday. “ oh jean, uh, i was just catching up on some notes. “ you explained, gesturing towards the set of papers in front of you. the blonde peered over your shoulder to take a look with a curious glint in her eyes. “ ah. .my apologies but, i don’t remember you mentioning anything about homework or exams coming up, no? “

you scratched the back of your neck nervously, “ no, i didn’t, i just wanted to study. “

“ and. .when did you start? “ jean asked softly.

“ erm, probably like two or three hours after you left?”

jean almost gasped before clearing her throat. “ i know that i’m not the one to talk about taking breaks but. .did you perhaps get a chance to take a walk or anything of the sorts? “ there was a short pause before you responded with a meek voice, “ . .no, no i didn’t. b-but to be fair, i lost track of. .— “

noticing your nervous demeanor, she lightly squeezes your shoulder and kisses the top of your head affectionately. “ i understand. you must be tired and hungry, do you want me to cook something while you rest in bed? “

“ no jean, i’m fine. you just got done with your official duties, it’s okay—“

“ i insist, dear. here, take my hand. “ with a warm smile dancing upon her lips, she holds out her hand for you to take. you tentatively take it and jean gently pulls you up. you stumbled a bit due to your sleeping legs but jean was quick to hold you steady. “ are you alright? do you need me to carry you to bed? “ she asks, her oceanic blue eyes filled with worry.

you chuckled softly, “ absolutely not, sweetheart. i can walk. let’s not put your back at risk here too. “ a light blush stains her cheeks; jean quietly leads you to your shared bed for you to rest. “ I-I will go prepare dinner for us, please stay in bed dear! “ she says shyly before scrambling off to the kitchen to hide the redness of her face as she hears your growing laughter.

#lisa minci x reader #genshin lisa x reader #eula x reader #jean x reader genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin women x reader #genshin impact #genshin imagines

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palmviolet · 9 days

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Hello! I don’t know if this is strange, but do you have any tips for characterizing Rust? Your writing of him literally feels ripped out of the show in a way I’ve seen very few able to do, and I have trouble balancing his “time is a flat circle, we’re all trapped in Samsara” beliefs with his “normal” (for lack of a better word) pessimism and worldview and always feel like I end up leaning too hard one way or the other. You strike a perfect balance between these (and just generally on his characterization, like, not necessarily just with these issues but on his little quirks and references he’d have as touchstones and small details) in a way that really impresses me. Absolutely no problem if you’ve got nothing (and also you aren’t obliged to divulge your secrets at all!), but either way keep up the great work!!!!

oooh okay great question — thank you so much, i'm so thrilled you enjoy the way i write him <3

i mean let's preface this by saying that i've watched TD s1 maybe... 7 times now? currently on my umpteenth watch in the space of six months. and aside from that i've been marathoning mcconaughey movies so really i've got his voice pretty near to hand if i need it lol and a lot of writing accurate dialogue, i find, is just being able to hear the character saying it in your head.

that being said it's not just dialect inflections; as you say, it's philosophy. i read the conspiracy against the human race by ligotti, which is reportedly the book that rust's whole nihilist philosophy is based on. would absolutely recommend, if you can stomach it — it's basically just immersion in rust's fucked-up head for 300 pages. but the central point to remember here is that rust as a character is as human as anybody else, meaning there doesn't have to be internal consistency w/r/t how his beliefs and actions tesselate with each other. he's made of contradictions and he's deluding himself half the time, alongside everybody else. case in point: that he seems to believe what the doctors told him (that sophia died peacefully without pain) despite his general confidence in the world as a thresher of suffering and the people in it as self-serving, delusional puppets. he clings to what was likely a comforting fiction to support his assertion that to die is better than to live but also to protect himself, because the likely reality (that sophia died in pain and fear) is simply too traumatic for him to handle. and in that he's human — and the constant conflict within his character is between the human instincts towards self-preservation, hope, loneliness, fear, justice, and his belief that those instincts are just the trappings of biology and a fragile constructed system that holds no meaning beyond the circle of an unreal world — a belief that arises from an event so traumatic as to have rewritten those instincts.

so half of it is collecting references to go along with his nihilist philosophy — philosophers, poets, postmodern theorists — and half of it is remembering he's just a guy who has a bottle of hot sauce and a coffee maker and nothing else in his kitchen. in that he has to experience the world just like anybody else does, though he does it a little to the left — i do have fun experimenting with his synaesthesia when writing from his perspective — and he has specific touchstones from his experiences in alaska, in texas, just generally being a cop in the south in the 90s. he'll know a gun make better than he'll know a car; he'll compare a good thing to a drug, not a candy. he'll answer a question honestly but he'll do it with varying levels of sardonicism, depending who's asking. he'll ascribe pain to everyone's existence except his daughter's, though she lived in a cruel world like everyone else, because the only way he can protect her is through the optimism of revisionist memory. just. what a character man

sorry if i've rambled. it's just about getting into his headspace by reading the right things (eg all the AA stuff in infinite jest when i reread it this year very much helped) and remembering it's okay that he doesn't make much sense to you in your narrative, because he's not a character that makes sense — which is what makes him such a good character, because it makes him more real.

thanks for the ask!

#asks #true detective #rust cohle #my fic

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hopefuloverfury · 10 months

Note

could you write something about your first kisses with the bachelor/ettes? I feel like you're the only blog who characterizes them well ugh

Hey, anon. Sorry for disappearing on you, that’s my bad. I hope this is worth the wait.

Honestly, I try not to look at a lot of other stardew blogs because someone else’s opinion of a character can pretty heavily influence my own interpretations—however—Jo, Beets, Snail and Bom are all great, and I can’t recommend them enough. (Minors do not follow/interact with Jo or Beets, and Bom and Snail don’t want any kiddos interacting with their NSFW stuff, so don’t do that either. Be nice and respect everyone's boundaries.) But besides them, I’ve got nothing. Maybe some good samaritans will drop a few more users in the notes for you? But as always I appreciate the love, anon.

There’s cursing (my fault), a little bit of dialogue, and some suggestive moments (also my fault), but it isn't bad so I’ll settle with a “Minors Proceed With Extreme Caution” warning. I know that some of the bachelors have a proper kiss in their heart events, but I like my ideas more so we’re gonna ignore those lmfao.

Sam

Out of all of the bachelors, he’s the most nervous

Which is ironic, given the “jump-head-first-into-things-with-no-care-for-my-personal-safety” vibe he’s got going on, but whatever

He refuses to touch you, at first—but not because he doesn’t want to

Sam is an extremely tactile person, so of course he wants to touch you—but he also knows he can be a bit much sometimes, and he doesn’t want to chase you off with his greed or his enthusiasm

So he goes for soft, gentle, and perfectly pliant under your touch as you pull him in

It’s honestly a little jarring, because he seems the type to get desperate (true) and not be able to control himself (also very true)

But this boy is exercising an immense amount of self control to not jump headfirst into getting heavy and fast and yanking on clothes too hard

He does a good job keeping himself contained atta boy, buddy

He thought that once he’d finally gotten a taste of you, maybe he’d finally be able to think about literally anything else

Unfortunately, he would be incorrect

And now that he has experienced it, he’s overwhelmed and dizzy with his want

He keeps his eyes closed and basks in it for at least five seconds after you pull away

He is absolutely heaving, wrecked just from the tiniest chaste press of your lips against his

He’s been waiting for you to do that for weeks

His eyes flutter open slowly, and then his gaze flicks up to you

Licks his lips as he tracks his eyes down your torso and back up

His palm is warm against the back of your neck as he pulls you down for seconds

And yeah, this is more like how you thought it’d be

Does not stop pulling you against him, even though you physically couldn’t get any closer if you tried

Your shirt gets rucked up to your waist untintentionally, because he keeps gripping you and yanking you closer

But the moment he feels your bare skin against his palms, he’s flinging himself backward

Blinks up at you with bright pink cheeks and his hands twitching against your waist

Swallows hard and clenches his jaw

He knows he should let go but he really doesn’t want to

If you lean back in, he drags his hands up slowly, and traces the line of your spine with his fingertips

I’ll stop there lol

Seb

This boy. Jesus.

He’s got next to no experience, let’s just get that out of the way now

Is immediately overwhelmed, even before you kiss him

Just the feeling of your palms warm on his jaw as you angle him just so is enough to have him trembling

Stares at your lips through half-lidded eyes until you finally finish closing the distance

Shivers at the slightest brush of your lips against his

He gasps high and can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed by it

Grabs onto your hips for dear life

He is immensely glad that you decided to kiss him while he was leaning on his bike, because otherwise he would have collapsed at your feet he might collapse anyway

Lord help him if you try to deepen the kiss though

If you do, he might actually pass out

Similarly to Sam, he’s going to get desperate after a minute, but he’ll hold himself back

He’ll have way less success with it than Sam, though

Sebastian definitely holds you a little too tight, and doesn’t give you enough space or time to breathe between kisses

Even if you don’t touch him beyond holding his face, when you pull away, he looks absolutely debauched

Like you could’ve sworn your hands were never in his hair but somehow it’s still ruffled?

Nevermind his hoodie sitting askew on his shoulders and giving a considerable peak at his collarbones

Honestly you don’t know how he managed to do all that, but don’t bother asking him because he is not able to think straight at all

His eyes are hardly open, blinking slowly and zoned absolutely the fuck out while he tries to catch his breath

Homeboy is straight up panting

“Breathe, Seb.”

Whines out a “no” all petulantly, pulls you flush against his chest, and dives in again

Alex

Homeboy spent weeks fantasizing about kissing you before he finally worked up the courage

He wants your first kiss to be special, like something straight off the movie screen

But he’s constantly second guessing himself, convinced that no moment is perfect enough to cut it

He’s hoping that the moment will come when you’re on a date or something, and he’s planning romantic shit left and right with the hopes that something will click and that’ll be it

He’s dropping you off at home after another date, and another failed attempt

He walks down your porch and turns around briefly to make sure you get inside safely

You’re watching him go, a knowing smile on your face as you reach for the handle

“Goodnight, Alex. Get home safe.”

You lick your lips, and turn to go inside

That’s what does it. Because of course it is.

The urge, the determination, the sudden desire thick and pooling in his chest that he’s never felt before—he knows without a doubt that if he doesn’t kiss you right now, he’s going to cry

Fuck perfection, fuck the moment, he just wants to kiss you

Practically stomps up your front steps, breath heaving in his chest as he reaches out and pulls you right against him with a hand on your jaw

Angling you just so, and leaning in to seal your lips together

He breathes a sigh of relief

Finally.

Something like satisfaction settles in his chest, warm like honey dripping into a mug of tea

His touch is firm on your jaw, keeping you perfectly angled for him to kiss you how he wants

You hold onto his arms for dear life, anchoring yourself to him as he kisses you so eagerly that your back actually hits your front door

It doesn’t hurt, but that makes you gasp into his mouth, and oof that sound is dangerous for his sanity

Isn’t really rough about it, but he is firm

Hisses a curse or two between kisses, licks his lips a lot because he can’t get enough

Bringing your hands up around his shoulders, you tangle your fingertips in the short cropped hair on his nape

You run your fingernails over his skin lightly, and he shivers hard

Practically pins you against the door in his effort to get closer

He accidentally presses too close, and the tiniest noise rumbles against his lips from the back of your throat

He knows what that sound means immediately, and alarm bells go off in his head

Tears himself away from you and pants for breath

Drops his forehead against your shoulder and props himself up against the door instead of holding you

“Alex?”

God, your voice is all hoarse from kissing him and it’s putting dangerous thoughts in his head

“I should go home. Before I…”

You agree, but he doesn’t move away

Your eyes flick down to his lips for a split second, and that’s enough

Just one more, he tells himself, and then you’re swapping the air in your lungs again

With one hand spread against the mahogany and the other gripping your hip, he gives you a few more than just the one

Elliott

Same dilemma as Alex

Wants it to be special, dramatic, memorable, heart-stopping, all the things

And he tries

He tries so hard

And it almost works.

God dammit, his picnic by the pond next to Marnie’s almost works

The moment is perfect, you’re smiling up at him with the breeze blowing in your hair and the sun in your smile

Until the sun is suddenly gone and the wind picks up into a howl

In almost no time at all a storm cracks the sky open and you two get absolutely drenched

You run to your farmhouse, practically soaked through as you make it to the safety of your porch awning

The picnic is ruined, and he’s super disappointed because he was so close

Then he looks at you, and he’s never seen such a beautiful sight

Hair glued to your face from the rain, with a wild grin on your face and your laughter chiming like bells in his ears

He drops the picnic blanket heavy with rain water across the top of your porch bench to dry, and sets the basket down

He needs his hands free if he wants to do this right

He’s stepping towards you, shivering from the rain sticking to his skin

And we all know Elliott is a romantic at heart

Wipes the rain off your cheeks as best he can, all while he smiles softly at you

“May I kiss you?”

You nod quickly, immediately hooking your hands on the lapels of his jacket and hanging on

Kisses you gentle and slow

Cradles the back of your head and neck like you’re made of glass

It isn’t a particularly long kiss—maybe a few seconds at most

Breathes quietly against your lips when you part

Looks at you for a few long moments with all the love in his heart, and doesn’t plan on kissing you twice until you’re glancing at his lips again

Elliott brings his hands to your shoulder blades and presses you close to his chest

But he can’t get close enough

Drags his hands down to your waist and grips you tight

You squeak against his mouth when he does, and that’s when he loses his composure

Starts kissing you a little more firmly, tries deepening the kiss a bit

Shivers and gasps when your fingers tangle into his hair, still stringy and wet from the rain

And he doesn’t stop shivering

You pull away, feeling his shoulders shaking uncontrollably, and then you giggle because his teeth have started chattering

“Cold?”

“Extremely.”

You invite him inside to dry off and warm up

He may or may not kiss you again.

Shane

You’d think your first kiss would be nervous and awkward—no.

Shane holds himself back for at least a few weeks into your relationship, worried out of his mind that one wrong move is gonna shatter everything for you two

So once he’s confident and knows for certain that he’s what you want,

He’s not holding back for shit

Homeboy physically can’t stand the tension anymore anyway, especially with how often he catches you staring at him—at his lips

Pulls you in by the back of your neck and keeps his hand there to hold you close

Even when he pulls away to let you catch your breath, it’s barely enough because you’re still gasping into each other’s mouths

He literally does not let you go more than an inch or two

Your lips are 100% flushed and tingling from how much he nips at them

His other hand is firm on your waist and he does not let you go unless you ask him to

Struggles to choose between looking into your eyes or staring at your lips any time you part

So he does both

His hair is usually a little scruffy looking, but something about a kiss like that has him looking particularly disheveled

Shiny pink lips, bruised and angry red from how hard he’s pressing into you

Eyebrows pinched together and it almost makes him look angry

His hoodie is probably pulling at his shoulders a bit because somehow you managed to push it down his arms

Presses his thumb against the pulse point beneath your jaw, just to make sure he’s not the only one who’s losing it

And he struggles to keep it together when he feels your heart thumping wildly in your throat

Recognizes which direction you’re both going and starts switching to chaste pecks

Rests his forehead against yours as you both calm back down

Gets a little teary while looking at you, and huffs a wet laugh too

He’s so happy with you, and doesn’t know how he got so lucky

Harvey

Softest fucking kiss you’ve ever been given in your entire life

Your noses bump together a little before he’s diving in close

Holds you so delicately, because you’re so precious to him

Gives you a few test pecks before he actually goes for it, and breathes in heavily through his nose when he does

It’s the kind of kiss that has you pulling on each other to get as close as possible

He holds the back of your neck like Shane, but he’s much more gentle about it

Will let you pull away however many times you want, but chases after you every time

His eyes are all hazy and he physically cannot stop looking at your mouth

With one hand on your waist, Harvey will dip his thumb under the hem of your shirt and rub back and forth over your skin

You’ve never seen him as focused as he is when he’s kissing you

Doesn’t move to take the kiss deeper, and doesn’t use tongue—but he doesn’t need to

Just the insistent press of lips is enough to get his point across

If his glasses get pushed up or clink against your face, he’ll pull back to take them off and set them down

The tension is kind of overwhelming

Every time he tries to restrain himself or exhibit self control, it only takes one look at your big eyes blinking at him with a flush on your cheeks and he’s getting right back up in your business

You’ve never heard him curse so openly before, but trying to control himself is nearing painful

Dives in, pauses a centimeter away, swears viciously because he’s failing miserably at controlling himself, and then he’s giving up entirely

Couldn’t resist you even if he wanted to

You’ll have to be the one to put an end to it because Harvey cannot

Don’t call his name while he’s like this though because then he won’t give you a moment to speak again

#stardew valley #sdv #harvey #sebby #sammy #elliott #shane #alex #asks #anon #requests #i'm gonna save the bachelorettes for later lol #hope you enjoy <3 #as always reblogs are appreciated #and please make sure to give the other blogs I mentioned some love too!#they're all wonderful #and super kind too #long post

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garbinge · 2 years

Text

Riding With Angels

Jax Teller x F!Reader

Request by: @justreblogginfics Scenario #1 Decorating the tree Dialogue #4: "I know we said no presents this year but..."

A/N: Okay so I’m either 2 months late for a holiday fic OR 10 months early... you decide lol. If you know me, you know I can’t write anything without making it angsty. This can be read as a standalone but is meant to be a continuation of Home. Thank you for submitting this... I had a really great time brainstorming this up and writing it!!!

Word Count: 4.1k words

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Cursing, angst, mentions of death, car/motorcycle accidents. Canon-level angst.

SOA Taglist: @drabbles-mc (happy to add anyone to any future SOA fics!)

The atmosphere had everything going for it to be the perfect holiday evening. There was Christmas music playing lightly in the background, the kids and you had baked cookies and attempted to make gingerbread houses during the day. You had started to hang up some string lights throughout the windows in the house, but currently you were staring at the tree. Abel was dancing around the fake pine roping tinsel around it as Thomas was picking through the storage bin of Christmas items with likely no thoughts but what would taste good. It was a picture perfect moment, but you couldn’t help but miss Jax. You hoped the kids didn’t feel the absence of their father as much as you did but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. A little hand tugged at your shirt, the motion caused you to shake yourself from your thoughts and look down at Abel.

“When’s daddy coming home?”

The question left a weight on you. Your eyes moved over to the clock that sat above the entryway table. 8:17PM. It was technically still early, you thought, even though you knew you were kidding yourself. You always found yourself in this position, waiting on Jax. You were brought back to reality when the doorbell rang.

“Daddy will hopefully be home soon, baby.” You picked him up to offer a little bit of comfort to the kid before making your way to the door.

“Is that him?” Abel said as the doorknob turned. Gemma appeared through the door with her keys in hand. “Grandma!” he called out and wiggled out of your grip.

Gemma hugged the boy as he collided with her while you went to grab Thomas to say hello.

“Sorry to drop by unexpectedly,” Gemma said as she made her way to the living room.

“Are you?” You subtly snapped.

Gemma looked at you with annoyance and a little shock in her eyes. It wasn’t like you to act like that, while you had your opinions on Gemma, especially after reading John Teller’s manuscript, you never showed your cards to her. It honestly had nothing to do with being scared of her, which is what Gemma probably thought, it had to do with the kids, with Jax, the family you built together and the plans you and Jax had for the future, not showing your true thoughts and feelings was for that reason only. And even with all of that in mind, you did love the woman, just not her choices in life. But at this moment, you were taking out your anger on Jax and the club on Gemma.

You quickly responded “I’m sorry, I’m in a mood.”

“Rare for you.” The statement usually would have been sarcastic out of the older woman’s mouth but she meant it, because you always were able to put on a face. Before you could continue to talk, Abel was dragging both you and Gemma into the living room begging for you to help with the tree decorating.

Your eyes were focused on the dish in front of you. It was sparkling clean but you were scrubbing furiously as a way to get your frustration out. The kids were in the living room still with Gemma, you weren’t sure if they were still decorating the tree or had moved on to something else, but as long as Gemma had them under her supervision, your mind couldn’t bring itself to focus on that. You took the opportunity to be by yourself and be upset, you didn’t like showing that to the kids, between that and everything with Gemma you felt like there were rare and few times in between that you could be your true self. If anything, Jax was really the only person you were your true self with and with him being MIA more often than not these days made you feel like you were losing a part of yourself. Which is why you were taking it out on the dishes. You hated the fact you were losing yourself over a boy. And yes, you understood it was deeper than that. It wasn’t just a boy. It was your family. But nothing took the sting of that away.

“Looks pretty clean to me.” Gemma’s voice sounded from behind you.

You took a large sigh and looked back at her over your shoulder. “Where are the kids?”

“Playing in the living room, Abel wanted to wait till Jax came home to finish the tree.” Gemma said, leaning against the counter with her arms crossed.

You mumbled under your breath, something that Gemma didn’t hear but she definitely understood what was happening.

“You gonna keep sulking or tell me what’s on that pretty lil mind of yours.”

You kept your mouth shut and moved back to a different dish in the sink, you weren’t going to entertain her on this because she wasn’t approaching the situation from a place with care, she was being nosy.

“You know that ring on your finger doesn’t change anything.”

And apparently now she was being mean. You stopped dead in your tracks, your eyes moved down to your left hand where the silver engagement band glistened under the running water.

“It’s the same Jax. Same club. Same ways of working. There’s gonna be late nights, sweetheart, that’s why you’re here, for the kids, for the house, you keep the foundation solid and they bring the money home for you to keep things solid. The ring doesn’t change that, if anything it makes it more prevalent.”

Boiling. Your blood was boiling. Now your thoughts of losing yourself were being taunted by the thought of being just a housewife, just someone’s old lady.

Gemma might have been right in her time, even if the irony of the fact that she had never been one to sit on the sidelines, she might as well be patched with the sway she had on the men in the club, Jax included.

“You realize you’re lecturing me because I’m upset Jax wasn’t here to decorate the tree with his kids.” You turned to her, you started out the night giving her attitude and you weren’t going to stop now. “You talk about keeping this solid,” you waved your hands around the room, “how do I do that when my kids are asking about Jax all day long?”

“Your kids?” Gemma smiled.

You turned around again back to facing the sink and shook your head. “Why do you start these conversations when you just want to argue, your goal in this is to just come out on top. Those ARE my kids, Gemma. I feed them, I spend my days with them, my nights with them, I placed them in the best schools, best daycares, they call me mom for fucks sake.”

Gemma walked over to you, in a Teller attempt to apologize and clarify herself.

“Those ARE your kids.” She said, “It’s just shocking to hear you say it.”

“Shocking?” you turned realizing now, how close she was to you.

“You’re very hard to read, you know.” She cocked an eyebrow up.

That made you laugh, “I know what you’re saying, about keeping things solid, but you out of all people should know that it's different when they’re at the position they’re in. I’m not just a Son’s old lady. I’m the VPs old lady. I’m Jax Teller’s old lady.”

“You aren’t just marrying the man, baby. You’re marrying the club.”

Those words weighed heavy on you. You weren’t marrying the club. You and Jax had long conversations about leaving the club which is why you were feeling how you felt. Everything felt backwards, he was spending long nights doing club things, it seemed like he was getting deeper in the club when he was promising you that he was getting out. But in Gemma’s eyes that was fact so you quickly flipped a switch.

“You’re right, sorry Gem. Just the holidays and stuff make it harder, you know.” You shrugged and dried your hands off.

“C’mon, let’s get back to the boys.” Gemma tried to move past this whole conversation like nothing happened.

“I’m gonna make myself a cup of coffee, I’ll meet you there in a minute.” You said with the best smile you could.

You made your way to the kitchen table with your cup of coffee. Slamming your head against the table seemed like a viable option right now, but instead you opted to rub your temples.

The door opened, causing your head to jerk up to see who it was. Even though there was only one person left who it could be, it was still surprising to see Jax at the door. Opie was behind him, both of them looking like they had the longest night of their life. Abel’s voice filled the entire house as he screamed in joy.

“DADDY!!!!” His little feet making quick stomping noises as they darted toward his father.

A smile grew on Jax’s face immediately, he bent down to catch Abel in his arms. At this point, Jax was already past the opening in the entryway that led to the kitchen, leaving you unnoticed in the kitchen.

“Someone was waiting for you to come home so you could decorate the tree.” Gemma’s voice was low but you heard it. Your anger boiled in your throat again, that wasn’t for Gemma to tell, that was for you to tell, but you didn’t even get greeted in your own home yet so what did you honestly expect.

Opie looked into the kitchen, his eyes taking in the scene of you. Clocking your frustration straight away, he called to Jax and nodded his head into the kitchen. Jax’s head peaked in and his expression dropped seeing you at the table. With a deep sigh, he entered the kitchen.

“You want a cup of coffee?” Your feet were pushing up from your seat and making their way to the coffee machine before you could think, you knew that one hug from Jax and you’d be pushed over yet again.

“I wanted to say hello to my wife.” You could hear how he was trying to work you in the tone of his voice.

“Fiancé.” You corrected him and handed him a mug.

His eyebrows raised, and a smirk played on his face. “I stand corrected.” A hand moved up in surrender while the other one gripped the coffee mug.

You could hear Gemma and the boys playing together and Opie’s voice with them too. Now that was rare. Opie barely played with his own kids let alone Jax’s, which got you going down the rabbit hole of what that meant and how if Jax’s best friend could so easily dive back into the club after being so against it, was that what was happening with Jax.

“What’s going on with you?” He asked genuinely.

“What’s not going on, Jax? It’s fucking Christmas time and you’re barely home,” you paused to whisper your next sentence, “you told me you were done with this shit and now you’re deeper in than ever and you’re pushing me out, I don’t know anything that’s happening.”

Jax understood your pain, but he wasn’t going to subject you to the club dramatics, he knew what he had to do to get out and he was doing it, despite what it might have looked like.

“I’m sticking to our plan” His voice was firm.

You shook your head and rolled your eyes. “Our plan.” You laughed like that actually meant something.

“Darlin’.” He was getting annoyed but trying to meet you halfway or somewhere.

“No, Jax. This isn’t something you can just sweet talk your way out of. This is our fucking life.”

“Do you trust me?” He said, stepping towards you.

“Less and less everyday.” You said truthfully and it pained his heart but he did understand. “But, yes. I do.”

Jax peered into the living room, seeing Gemma in deep conversation with Opie.

“You out of all people should know why I can’t just leave, why I have to leave everything in a good place. This was the last thing my dad had. I didn’t get a house or some real estate investment when he died, this is what he left me. The club was his and I can’t just let it die because I want out.”

There was so much to argue with what he said, you read that manuscript and even though JT had blueprinted a way for the club to earn legit, you also knew that he ended it wanting to burn it all down. Jax believed that was just a desperate man angry at the world who knew he was on borrowed time, but you knew it was the writing of a man who had exhausted every option. The only reason you didn’t have it in you to say that to Jax was because you got it. This was what bonded you two. This was how you met and got to talking all those years ago…bonding over dead fathers and the irony of how they both had gone from motorcycle accidents. That day you met in the Harley shop, you both stood in the plaque aisle getting something to honor them. The very thing that glued you two together was the very thing tearing you apart.

You understood the pain of trying to live in their honor, do things to carry out their legacy. In fact, it was probably why you were so eager to get out of this horror of a town. But the same very thing is what was keeping Jax here.

“I know I didn’t know JT, but, I can’t imagine he’d want you drowning, Jax. Exhausting your options is exactly what he did, there becomes a point where you have to recognize that before you end up like both of our fathers...”

“Riding with Angels.” He finished your sentence looking at the two plaques that had brought you two together that hung in the kitchen. “That’s not gonna happen. Please, that’s why Opie’s here, I briefed him on everything tonight, I’m gonna give him JT’s book and just it’s gonna be fine, I need you to believe that.” Jax was begging you.

Looking into his eyes, you saw he needed that faith. You thought back to what Gemma had said, that you need to be solid, be the foundation and keep things stable at home. Hating to admit it, but she was right. Even though she had no clue what was truly happening, she was right. And you hated that.

But there was nothing you could do, and that’s what you hated even more.

Feeling defeated, you stepped towards him, letting your hand raise and sit on the left side of his kutte, your fingers lightly swiping over the redwood original patch. Slowly your hand moved down to grip his arm that was holding the coffee mug, your gaze moved up to his eyes, blue as ever, you wished you could get lost in them like you used to, before looking into Jax’s eyes felt like euphoria, it felt like young and wild passion, but lately it felt like you were drowning, looking into them was like a high tide pulling you back in deeper and deeper each time until you were drowning. And they did, because as you looked into them, you gave up and let the waves of baby blue take you in. “Tell your mom to go home, give Opie the manuscript, and decorate the tree with me and the kids.” You demanded those three things, if you were going to give him another chance you at least needed to feel like you were in charge. “I’ll be in the bedroom, waiting, I can’t look at either of them right now.”

Truthfully, you would have said that about anyone associated with the club. You felt defeated, broken, and like you had lost the biggest game of tug o war. Realizing the club took priority over you was a reality that slapped you across the face every time and looking at Gemma and Opie was just pouring salt into that wound.

He tried to smile down at you, trying to offer compassion even though truthfully he was glad that a fight didn’t escalate and he had the opportunity to show you he had everything under control.

You escaped to the bedroom, not even glancing up to Opie and Gemma as you walked down the hallway, their eyes were burning into you but still you didn’t even look through your peripheral vision.

As you stood in your shared bedroom, part you thought to pack your shit up and leave, you could go through the window, take only what you needed and just leave it all behind. You stared at the open closet where your suitcase sat, it was covered by Jax’s duffel, the irony behind it all. Before you could have a thought more, you felt a tug at your pants. As you looked down into the little eyes that were staring back up at you, every thought of leaving escaped you. There was a slight giggle out of his mouth as he tucked his head into you. A pang of guilt hit you for a moment, that you even thought about leaving. If Jax’s eyes were the high tide drowning you, Abel’s were the breath of fresh air to save you.

“Daddy says to come out to the tree.” The boy hid his face again with a giggle.

“Oh, really? Are we going to finish decorating it all together?” You asked bending down to his level.

“He said Santa gave him something to give to you.”

“Santa, huh? I can’t believe daddy knows Santa!” You teased the boy, he laughed and pulled your arm because he seemed eager to see what it was. “Come on, let’s go.” You said picking him up and walking out to the living room.

Jax had been placing ornaments on the tree with Thomas who was trying to pull them off.

“I hear Santa gave you a gift for me.” Your voice had changed, it wasn’t as lively as it was when you talked with Abel but it also wasn’t as rigid as when you were talking to Jax. Somewhere in the middle of that was where you were now.

Jax smiled, and bent down to grab a black bag that was under the tree. "I know we said no presents this year but...Santa doesn’t listen.” Jax smirked as he handed the package over to you. “Santa also didn’t have time to wrap it.” He smiled, his grin was shit eating and if he didn’t have Thomas in his arms you would have pushed him back slightly but you just shook your head and took the black bag in your free hand, the one that didn’t have Abel.

It was a pretty big package, decently heavy. You placed Abel down, he started decorating the tree, handing ornaments up to Jax and Thomas as you stared at the bag.

“You gonna open it or what?” Jax asked, still grinning.

“Open it! Open it!” Abel jumped up and down.

With a deep sigh you grabbed what was inside the black bag to find another bag around whatever the item was. This bag however, was clear with the words ‘EVIDENCE’ printed across it. There was some writing on the white printed square on the front of the bag. A frown filled your face, a fucking evidence bag? What was Jax thinking? Your eyes scanned over the bag reading the red marker notes.

April 28th, 1994 Highway 99 Marker 78 TOD: 11:37

This was all the information of when your father died, your heart started beating faster as you started to come to terms with what this was. Your hand opened the evidence bag and met the fabric from inside. The feeling of the worn leather and patches felt like the cure you needed. It sent something over your entire body. Just when you thought that nothing could beat this feeling, you took it out of the bag. The smell of your father’s cologne was still faint on the fabric but strong as it hit your nose. The tears built up as you let the evidence bag fall to the ground and the leather jacket fully drop open. The brown leather was so worn, it had seen a lot over the years of your father wearing it, many highways, many states. The patches each had a story of their own. Most of them coming from the different states he had traveled to, Nevada, Texas, Arizona and more. Some to honor his time in the military and service to the county. Some just for decoration, a skeleton’s middle finger, a bear with it’s teeth showing, a compass. Then your hand passed over the patch you gifted him when you were a kid. #1 Dad. It was worn, more worn than you had remembered, but that’s when you saw the scuff from the accident. It had ended where the #1 Dad patch was, expanding across a large amount of other ones, making them have loose stitching where the leather was scratched. The pavement probably ripping the threads from them off as he slid against it from the accident. It offered you a bit of closure, seeing how it all happened. You had begged the police department for more information besides a crash, the report you saw didn’t even have an officer sketch of the accident and since foul play was a potential factor, they had kept all the evidence. You gave up years ago trying to get the evidence from lockup, but somehow it was sitting in your hands right now.

Looking up from jacket, your eyes blurry from tears, you stared at Jax.

“How?” It was the only word you could get out of your mouth.

Jax placed Thomas on the ground to crawl around, and turned up the Christmas music so it would be harder for them to hear what he was gonna say.

“Unser owed me one. He was able to pull a few strings at the Stockton State Trooper station. That’s why I was home late tonight, Ope and I went to pick it up and got stuck in traffic on the 99, construction shit.”

You were in awe. After everything you tried, after all these years, you had his jacket in your hand, you had closure in your heart, something that almost felt unreal.

“Unser has the police report, the real one. Figured you’d want the choice to look at it,” he started to explain, “that and it wasn’t up for civilian grabs.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Thought the jacket would be more of a heartwarming gift. There’s something in the inside pocket, too. Pictures. I didn’t look through them, I just wanted to make sure it was really it, based on what you’ve told me.”

“Jax–I,” you had no words, you brought your hands up to wipe the tears from your eyes.

“Why is mommy crying?” Abel said trying to raise his voice over the music.

“Santa got me a really good gift, Abel.” You said looking directly into Jax’s eyes. “Something she’d been asking for for a long long time.”

“Does that mean Santa is going to get me a skateboard this year?” Abel asked excitedly.

You and Jax both let out a laugh, yours was cutting through the tears. “Thank you. So much.” You mouthed to him, it was all you could offer up with how much emotion you were feeling.

Jax just shook his head with a nod, like it was nothing, a simple favor but he knew how much it meant to you.

“Come on, let’s finish decorating this tree.” Jax’s voice got higher as he spoke to the kids, picking Abel up to get the candy cane ornament near the top of the tree.

After placing the jacket safely on the couch for now, you picked Thomas up, so the 4 of you could all be at eye level. You looked over at Jax who was laughing about something with Abel. The music had changed, one of your favorite Christmas songs playing in the background. As the latest laugh left Jax’s mouth, his eye caught yours and he looked at you. Like really looked at you.

The blue eyes you were staring at weren’t trying to drown you in that moment anymore, they had a tint of hope and glimmer in them. You didn’t feel like the tide was trying to bring you in, you felt like maybe they were saving you. So for what you told yourself would be the last time, you forgave Jax, and more importantly you believed Jax. Because he had proven to do the impossible tonight for you, he must have been able to do it again for your family. Right?

#Jax Teller #jax teller fanfic #jax teller x reader #Jackson Teller #soa fanfic #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fanfiction

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bucks-daddy-issues · 5 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @neverevan @made-ofmemories and @diazsdimples thank you!

How many works do you have on ao3?

6! I only started writing a little over a year ago and I am a very, very slow writer.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

68,008

3. What fandoms do you write for?

9-1-1 only at the moment.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos:

I got a bed but I’d rather be in ours tonight (6.7k, Buddie, Explicit) Thighs and Eyes (3.7k, Buddie, Explicit) Kiss your lips blue (7k, Buddie, Explicit) I'll Be Your Gift, Give You Something Good To Celebrate (6.4k, Buddie, Explicit) Sweet Nothing (37.8k, Buddie, Teen and up)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!!! Every time, comments absolutely make my day and I don't feel like my responses ever do justice to just how giddy I am when I get a nice comment!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't think any of my fics are even remotely angsty (though maybe some in the near future might be idk idk) but I don't think I could ever write something with an angsty ending. Happy endings only over here.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think all of my fics have very happy endings but I'll go with Sweet Nothing maybe, as it's super happy with also hints at even more happiness in their future too. :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far no, thank god.

9. Do you write smut?

Most definitely, four of the six fics I have up are smut but I always like to put a lot of plot in there too!

10. Craziest crossover?

I don't write crossovers, it's just not my thing personally.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, I really hope not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, put people are welcome to as long as they link my fic :)

13. Have you co-written a fic before?

No but I hope to soon!

14. All time favorite ship?

Buddie buddie buddie buddie buddie

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a few I started when I first got into 911 that would need some crazy reworking to still make sense but I'm still hopeful lol. The hangover au is really hanging on by a thread because the 911 writers blatantly stole my idea to steal the hangover movie's idea (jk) I'll definitely still write it but it's kinda been put on hold.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at writing descriptively? I also get some lovely comments on how I write emotions which makes me very happy :)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think my pacing could use a lot of work. Sometimes things feel a little too fast and other times I go on for too long. My dialogue can also be hit or miss depending on the character.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I can't speak any language other than English and like super basic Irish so I just don't trust myself to write in another language well. If I had someone's help I would be open to it though.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

I think I wrote one direction fics back when I was like 12-15 but I only actually posted one fic before I started writing for 911 and that was destiel about a decade ago (and it was deleted like 6 months later)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Ahhhh I'm not sure, I have things I both love and hate about all of them, but I think I have to pick Sweet Nothing because I put my heart and soul into that fic for months and it inspired me to keep writing longer fics.

I feel like most people have already been tagged so sorry if you've already done this, but tagging: @wikiangela @watchyourbuck @spagheddiediaz @thewolvesof1998 @rogerzsteven

@jesuisici33 @sunshinediaz @daffi-990 @rainbow-nerdss @theotherbuckley

+ whoever else wants to do it!

#tag game

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chrysanthemumgames · 8 months

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I have never sent an ask before so apologies if it’s not right! I wasn’t sure where to ask this, but I am a Patreon member and I wanted to leave some comments about this month’s BIP (nothing bad!) I really enjoyed the new customization setting and the story itself is such a comfort game for me. That said, I noticed that when offered to take a walk with Hades and Kerby, there is no longer an option to say you are uncomfortable around dogs. I understand this may not be a popular option, lol but it felt very validating for me as someone who is uncomfortable around dogs. I don’t know if this was removed completely or shows up somewhere else and I just missed it, but I really liked that it was an option before! I also noticed when speaking with Hades in the office and he asks how MC is feeling, the option to say “You may not.” Is no longer there, and again it’s probably not the most picked but I liked that option not necessarily because it’s rude but because I personally don’t like sharing my personal thoughts with people I don’t know well, which at this point we don’t know the group yet! Also it would have been out of character for the MC I made to share how she’s feeling. Even just an option to say we’re not comfortable sharing that I feel like would work!

Sorry this is rather lengthy, I just wanted to point these out because they sat with me as a reader but of course it’s your story and you can write it however you want. I absolutely love the story and the characters and I am very grateful that you’re putting so much effort into this! 💜

Hey anon! No worries; this is definitely a perfectly fine ask.

I am clearing out some of the most needlessly rude options from dialogue trees. There's still opportunities to be upset or annoyed or entitled, but some of the existing options seemed superfluous. That said, I've gone back and edited in an option to not answer, because you make a good point about that being a legitimate thing to want to do there.

As for the being wary of dogs thing, it's still there. I'd locked the option behind the variable for being afraid of them, which can be selected earlier, but your ask reminded me that not everyone will get that choice (it's at the dinner), so I've now unlocked it and you should be able to see it. Or rather, you will be when I next update the BIP.

Thanks for your feedback; this was all really useful. :)

#ask #kind anons

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morelikeravenbore · 2 months

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🦋 Thanks to the cuties who have tagged me in this, I've loved reading everyone's answers!

How many works do you have on AO3? Uhh *checks* — nine. One long fic and a bunch of oneshots.

What's your total AO3 word count? 88k~ but about 76k~ belong to Villain (so far).

What fandoms do you write for? Hogwarts Legacy is the only fandom I write for, and Sebastian is really the only character I care to write about (HAHA sorry everyone else.)

Top five fics by kudos? I don't really pay attention to stats so:

1. How to Make a Villain

And then whatever the next top four are 🙃

Do you respond to comments? I TRY VERY HARD TO but sometimes it takes me a while (spoons/adhd-brain/burn-out etc). Like any writer, comments give me LIFE, but something I wasn't expecting to struggle with is the feeling that I don't really deserve them. Who knew writing fic would be a lesson in accepting kindness lol

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Welp the only fics I've finished so far are my oneshots, and they all end with orgasms or romance so...

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Here Comes The Sun: a cute little Sebaura proposal oneshot hehe 💍🌞

Do you get hate on fics? Not openly, lol. I do love it when people get mad about what my characters do though so pls don't hold back from yelling at them if the urge ever strikes you. 🍿🍿🍿

Do you write smut? I dabble every now and then, but to be honest it's not my favourite thing to write. Before writing for HL, I'd never written a sex scene in my life and I wanted to give it a go to challenge myself. Lately though, I haven't really had any smutty motivation. I'm definitely a romantic at heart and I LOVE writing about the playful side of romance: young love, cute banter, silliness, teasing, etc. Also bickering. Nom nom nom gimme all da arguments.

Craziest crossover? You and me bb :lip_bite:

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nope! Does this really happen? Like, someone copies and pastes a whole-ass fic and calls it their own? 🧿🧿🧿

Have you ever had a fic translated? I've had requests to translate Villain into Russian, Polish and French, but I'd like to complete the story first.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Does contributing crack fic ideas counts? Because 👀 yeah all the time lol

All time favorite ship? Uhhh Sebastian and Aurélie HAHA. Otherwise, it's Allie and Noah foreverrrrr. (The movie version though, I've never actually read the book.)

💙 Honourable mentions go to Anne and Gilbert, and Emma and Mr Knightly. Dishonourable mention to Harry and Ginny, eurgh.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I only have enough spoons to write one long fic at a time, and I fully intend to finish Villain even if it kills me.

What are your writing strengths? Personally, I think my writers voice sounds distinctly me, which I'm very proud of.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? OOH this is a great question since Aurélie is fluent in French and I don't speak a bloody word. Generally speaking, I prefer to write it like: 'I can't speak a word of French,' she said in French.

Sometimes I'll use French if the meaning is clear to someone who doesn't speak the language, or if I can give strong enough context clues, ie:

'How nice,' Aurélie said eventually, her accent thick with French indignation. 'I can see you're both very passionnés about Quidditch.'

Sebastian froze, sensing danger.

'Uh — Passionate?'

'Oui. I did not realise you had to undress yourself to discuss tactique.'

Or if the POV character can accurately guess the meaning, like this:

'You don't have giant spiders in France then, I take it?'

'Non pas du tout!'

He didn't need to know French to translate that as a vehement no.

But I try to avoid using the actual written language as much as possible because nothing kills immersion faster than trying to read dialogue you can't understand.

Also I frequently annoy my French friends for translations because uhh if I used Google Translate they'd probably guillotine me hehe.

First fandom you wrote in? This one.

Favorite fic you've written? How to Make a Villain is absolutely my greatest writing achievement ever hahaha. But aside from that, I'm really proud of Noctilucent because my goal was to write something suggestive without making it smutty and I was quite pleased with the outcome.

🦋 np tags for my writer babes and anyone else who wants to join in: @galaxiasgreen @lyworth @sloanesallow @sunsetplums @gingerlegacy07

#morelikeravenbore writes #hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #hogwarts legacy fandom #aurelie collins #hogwarts legacy mc #hogwarts legacy oc #sebastian sallow fanfiction #hogwarts legacy fanfic

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thursdayinspace · 2 months

Text

20 questions for 20 writers

tagged by @thatfragilecapricorn30 @randomfoggytiger and @baronessblixen thank you!! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 21

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 70.063 -- this is my new AO3, so that's why it's still so low, haha.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only X-Files now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? spectacular (glasses sex!), it's the day the world didn't end, from this morning forward (that makes me so happy), got you covered, wild side

5. Do you respond to comments? yes. if I ever don't, I'm sorry, it's not because i didn't love your comment, but i just don't get around to it right away sometimes. but i try to reply to every single one because i love them all.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ohhh. i don't write super angsty endings . . . I guess mend into pieces bc it's season 2 and they know they're making a mistake, but we all know they'll figure it out eventually, so.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? they pretty much all end happily. i'm going to more or less randomly pick five ways to say i love you. because i loved writing that ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? so, okay. there are two stories here i want to tell from an old fandom. one is funny. one is kind of great, really?

the funny one: i got a looooong comment on a fic, like several paragraphs long, going into great detail about why the fic sucked and why i sucked and why i had personally offended them by writing fic at all. they obvs meant to comment anonymously but forgot to log out. by the time i got to my computer, they had deleted their entire account. of course i had their name in the ao3 email. i laughed so hard at that.

the kind of amazing one: i got a very rude anon on tumblr, and i responded by saying i'd be happy to discuss their criticism, but i wasn't going to have a conversation with a hockey puck with sunglasses, and asked them to come off anon so we could talk. and they did! they showed up in my dms a short while later. we solved nothing and did not part as friends, but i actually have mad respect for that. wherever they are today, i hope they have taken some anger management classes and are doing well!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yeah, i certainly do. idk what kind? the porny kind? lol no i mean it's kind of lame but fun.

10. Do you write crossovers? i wrote a stargate atlantis/firefly crossover centuries ago but that was it. or maybe start trek with sth else, i don't remember.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? i don't think so, no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! it's so much fun and i would do it again.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? mulder and scully!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i plan to finish all of them.

16. What are your writing strengths? it used to be dialogue but i don't think it is anymore. idk? i think i can create an atmosphere?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i tend to repeat myself a lot and then skip over other things completely. i'm not good with transitions between scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i haven't done it, but if it would make sense for a fic, i might do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? stargate atlantis. i was very late to the fanfic party.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? it's called 'ellipsis' and is still with the beta. but of the ones i've already posted, either from this morning forward or yesterday's future.

Randomfoggytiger added additional questions:

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life? i mean it's a hobby but it's definitely also a way of life. there isn't ever a time when i don't think about writing and everything all the time connects in some way to a thing i'm writing and i can't imagine what i'd do without writing.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript? completed manuscript! or notes? uhh . . . both?

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration? everything. random things. i can't think of one specific thing, it can be literally anything.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing? both thoughts are equally awful lol

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective? yeah, i think so. not in any big way, but about smaller stuff, just the way i look at certain things? yes.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN? ao3!!! my tinkerbell brain loves the comment section, haha. also it's just so much nicer to read on ao3 and there's the download option, so also as a reader, def ao3.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it? 70.063 - no, i'm not satisfied with it. i used to write multi-chapters with more words. but it's a new account so yeah starting small again.

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably? jasper fforde's 'thursday next' series. it's where i stole my name from. literary detectives? oh man. it's the kind of story where you wish you'd had the idea first. go read it!!!!!

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it? i am really really lucky to have been given so many amazing compliments and i appreciate every single one. i couldn't say what means the most to me . . . probably when it's personal to the commenter? when someone tells me sth i've written touched them in some way. bc that's what i want to achieve.

10. What defines your writing style? lol idek man pretentious purple prose? i think i live somewhere between overuse of metaphors and focus on the rhythm of a text. i love writing in english bc it flows so nicely. idk is trying to make it sound nice a style bc then that's at least what i'm going for.

who hasn't been tagged? no pressure tags for @backintimeforstuff @nachosncheezies @actual-changeling and everybody else who wants to!

#this was fun thanks for tagging me!#i get so excited every time i get tagged in sth it makes me feel so cool lol #and these are always so much fun

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thecursedanon · 6 months

Text

Masterlist + Requests

(Last updated: 10:45pm - 6/23/24)

Heeeeeellloooo everyone! Curse here, I thought I'd make a masterlist for my fics so they would be easier to find seeing how I plan to make many more fics In the future :3

ALSO! I have an AO3 account if it's easier to read my writing on there. I'm TheCursedAnon on ao3 as well :3

LETS JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO IT--

~REQUESTS ARE NOW OPEN! :3~

I'm operating with 2 fic request slots for now so I can get a feel for them, I can't guarantee they'll be super long because as I've stated previously my muse is a fickle bitch. I'm also not sure how fast I'll be able to get them out because I'm working on my own original non t-word series right now, but I'll do my best! <3

My HC requests are also OPEN, there's no limit on hc's, request as many as you want. :3 also feel free to send me your hc ideas! I love reading them! <3

Guidelines for requests:

I don't write NSFW. I've got nothing against it, It's just not for me lmao.

I don't write other people's OC's. Listen... Y'all, I love OC's, I'll be the first to admit I have a whole like 20 page google doc of OC's from various different fandoms-- but something I've learned over the years is It's really hard to write someone else's OC well, with official characters there's enough content for me to consume to get a feel for them... OC's not so much. :( I'm sorry.

Also, as I'm consuming JJK content, I'm forming a mental list of characters I will not write for... So far there's only a few on the list;

Meimei - I feel like most people will get where I'm coming from with this one. I don't mind writing a few lines of dialogue for her If it's necessary to the plot, but I'm certainly not comfortable making her a lee! or ler!

Toji - Sorry. I actually can't stand this deadbeat father LOL.

Mahito - Seriously, screw this ahole for what he did in Shibuya, I like his design but that's literally IT 😭

I debated putting Kenjaku on the list... but I feel like there are certain scenarios I could make work with him... but just know I don't like him, and he's SORTA on my list lol... depends on the prompt Ig.

Request slot 1: Lee!Yuji, Lers!Nanami, Gojo, Yuta, Choso, Megumi & Todo. (Whoooo boy, Yuji gonna have a busy day XD)

Request slot 2: Empty

~Upcoming Fics~

Lee!Nanami + Ler!Haibara fic - (TW: Mentions of Abuse) Haibara is concerned about Nanami, he's acting really out of character and now he's isolating himself... Haibara makes it his mission to get to the bottom of what's bothering his best friend. (85%)

Lee!Yuji + Lers!Nanami, Gojo, Yuta, Choso, Megumi, Nobara & Todo ~RQ~ - It's Yuji's birthday, what better way to celebrate than by getting the snot tickled out of him by his friends? (Not started)

Amusement park shenanigans pt 3 - Gojo is now raining down hell on EVERYONE. Everyone be catching these wiggling fingers now. (Not started)

Name TBD - The beginning of an AU... :) (2%)

(I'm just now realizing how much comfort I write... LOL)

~Fanfic Masterlist~

1. Amusement Park Shenanigans (Lee!Nanami, Switch!Yuji, Ler!Gojo) - Summary: Gojo decides to take the students to the amusement park, and drags a very unwilling Nanami along with them... after trying to failing to convince Gojo to let him leave, and one too many grumpy remarks from Nanami, Gojo decides to do what Gojo does best... cause absolute chaos. Upload Date: 3/12/24

2. Amusement Park Aftermath (Lee!Gojo, Ler!Nanami, Ler!Megumi) - Summary: Did Gojo seriously think Nanami wasn't gonna get revenge for that little stunt he pulled the other day? Upload Date: 4/5/24

3. Rainy Day (Lee!Yuji, Ler!Nanami) - Summary: Yuji Is super down today, that and he's not been sleeping well due to the nightmares he's been having. His friends, concerned about him go to Nanami with their concerns, and the stoic teacher takes it upon himself to cheer Itadori up. Upload Date: 4/11/24. 🔮NEW🔮

#thecursedanon masterlist #jjk tickle #jujutsu kaisen tickle

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brainmaniaman · 2 years

Note

I have been scouring this fucking app for Julian fics, never really occurred to I can just request some lol.

So yeah, if you're up for it I've got a little plot/trope set up that'd id love to see. Outsider(fem)reader/julian.

Something along the lines of a reader moving into the park from the southern us, new to Canada and parks in general. As an outsider, Julian expected you to be trouble or judgemental, so he acts like a dick to you at first. Later on, he starts to see instead how kind you are to everyone, understanding and totally up for doing ppl favors even when there's nothing for you in the end. This makes him feel real guilty for bein an ass to you, and also makes him start to feel other things towards u.. Take the fic in whatever direction you'd I wanna see u work ur magic

( + no pressure 2 write it ofc!!)

pairing: julian/fem!reader fandom: trailer park boys tags: smut (cis man/cis woman), fluff, a bit of angst, idk this is one of my more normal ones, heavy plot some porn (i kind of felt more plot focused with this one), julian is kind of hung (he gives me big dick energy) author's note: i'm much more of a ricky kinda guy myself but when i got this request, i got really fucking excited. i loved the idea. i will say, this fic isn't structured traditionally. it's very dialogue heavy and kind of leaves some things up to the imagination. i wanted to establish relationships between the reader and other people in the park as well as share some of julian's private conversations about her. i'm really proud of the way this has turned out, though i'm sorry if it's not the interpretation you might have been hoping for (i'm a little insecure about the way i interpret storylines). i hope you like it, though. i worked hard on it and i'm pretty sure it's the longest julian/reader fic currently on the internet so i'm going to take that fucking win rn. also, i actually live in the southern united states. (fun fact: i'm looking to move because i'm a trans man and life here is kind of ass if you're trans), so i gave the reader a backstory that's kind of unique to what a woman in 1999-2000 would have gone through. i'm not satisfied with the ending though, i'm sorry if this fic is a little lackluster, but we can only go up from here i guess. text blocking this shit was a fucking BITCH. word count: 6,442

everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it.

The cultural climate of Sunnyvale Trailer Park wasn't exactly the most inviting. There were people who lived in the park and then there was everyone else. For the most part, newcomers never lasted more than a few weeks. The bottle kids drove away the weakest among them, but if those kids weren't effective usually Ricky's antics drove away the remaining lot. Sure, there were a few people here and there who moved in quietly, but those were usually the kind of people that minded their own business because lot rent was low enough for them to just ignore Lahey.

But in general, new people were not welcome. Especially know-it-all hipsters trying to live the simple life by casting away their possessions in an expensive storage unit and downsizing to a more humble trailer. Those were the kinds of guys that gave up quickly. Plus, new people threatened the balance of park politics. For the most part, Julian was well-liked and well-respected among the others due to his caring nature and dedication to his loved ones. He protected his own. And if there was one thing Julian didn't like, it was newcomers coming into the park without already knowing someone in it.

"Barb, I really think you should reconsider letting this girl in. I mean, you don't even know who she is."

"Julian, this is a business, not a family estate. Her credit was just below decent, she has an okay-paying job, and paid three months of rent in advance. From a business perspective, she seems like she'll be a reliable tenant. It's a good thing you've grown close with your community, but you have to remember at the end of the day, this trailer park is here to make money. Whatever fit of paranoia you're suffering through, deal with it on your own time. Next time you come here with a complaint, make sure it's a business one."

And just like that, Barb had shooed Julian off. What more could he say to that? Well, he had a lot more to say to that but she didn't want to listen. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, she only guided him further to the door. If Julian thought he was the one who ran this trailer park, he had another thing coming for him that's what. This dump needed more reliable tenants - normal folks who didn't like to get into trouble. Barb was trying to turn the park's image around.

"Julian, I just don't understand why you're so against this lady stayin' here. You know I'm no fan of newcomers myself, but she's been mindin' her own. She actually keeps her yard clean, which is pretty fuckin' nice if you ask me. It's nice to pass a yard that doesn't have a million fuckin' pieces of trash thrown all over the front. She even has one of those pink fuckin' yard flamingos in her yard. It's so bright and colorful. There ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of color, Julian. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of change."

"Are you even listening to yourself talk Bubbles? Can you hear what you're saying? You're saying change for this park is good. Who knows what she believes in. She might hate dope growers, she may be workin' with Lahey, she could get nosy and bust us for dope and you know Ricky and I are growin' a lot of dope -"

"- I know, I've seen that big fuckin' setup you got in that fuckin' trailer in that shitty little lot -"

"- so then Bubbles you should know that new people aren't good. We can't trust new people, especially not now. Especially not when we're so close to selling them to those prison guards and retiring. A stranger could compromise the whole thing. Remember those bible scammers that came through here? I've learned my lesson since then and I'm not tryna repeat old mistakes."

"Jesus Murphy Julian, you need to calm down. Those fuckin' assholes were obviously scammers, it's not like this lady is goin' door to door scammin' people."

"Sure maybe she's not taking advanced orders on bibles Bubbles, but she is goin' in and out of everyone's house doin' favors for them. Why does she need to see the inside of everyone's house? Do you think she's lookin' for something?"

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's just a nice person doin' a nice thing? Nice people exist. You've been dealin' with dope and crime and jail so much that it's like you forgot how to trust someone. All you think about is dope and how you're going to protect it from everyone else."

"You're only defendin' her because she brings you boxes of canned cat foods for your cats. She's buyin' you off and you don't even know it."

"So what if she's helpin' me take care of my kitties? My kitties are the most important things to me and unlike you, she fuckin' knows that. If someone's offering to help take care of my precious little kitties, who the fuck am I to say no?"

"Bubbles, look -"

"No, no, nevermind." Bubbles tucks a gray cat further into his arms, his posture becoming more rigid. It's clear that he's done with the conversation, no longer interested in trying to hammer commonsense into Julian's brain. He couldn't see past his own paranoia and it was infuriating. In Julian's mind, everyone in the world was out to get him - even the nice lady across the street who helped his friend support his kitties. "You just don't get it, Julian. I'm goin' back home, come talk to me when you get it."

Julian was still convinced he was right about this girl. If the bottle kids didn't run you out, he'd just take matters into his own hands. He didn't care whether or not Bubbles helped. Julian was a man of many connections, and even if he couldn't find someone else to get the job done he had no qualms with taking care of the situation himself.

"I mean, if you think that lady's dangerous then you know I'm gonna follow you Julian 'cause you got the brains and stuff behind the projector, but I just gotta let you know I'm still workin' on my grade ten so whatever idea you have you got to make sure it's not illegal 'cause I can't go back to jail, not right before Trinity's birthday. That means we can't do any property damage or breaking and entering or any shit like that."

"I promise you Ricky we're not gonna go back to jail, we're just gonna annoy the shit out of her until she leaves. I was thinkin' maybe you and Cory and Trevor could host like a really loud party across the street tomorrow night, you know - something to keep her awake. If we get a noise complaint, we'll just shut it down, but then once the cops leave we'll start it back up again. We'll do this for a few nights until she finally decides to move out."

"That's a pretty fucking good idea, that's smart. Plus, since it's a party we can get drunk and high."

It's 2 a.m. and that fucking party is still going. There were several times you considered calling in a noise complaint but you decided that it was a better idea to just wait it out. It had to end at some point and overall, it was never a good idea to get involved with parties like that because sometimes they got out of a hand, and you were too smart to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though when you stepped outside to 'check your mailbox' - spy on the party still going on into the early hours of the morning - you find yourself tripping over something. You stumble onto your hands and knees and it's only when you pull yourself up do you really get a good look at the man passed out by your mailbox. It's Ricky, and he's mumbling things almost incoherently. He mutters something about dope, bitches, Trinity, more bitches, Lucy, and good booze. It's a pathetic way to be, but you can't help but feel bad for you.

You use the toe of your shoe to rock his face awake. Ricky sputters before waking up in a drunk panic. He's angry and yelling incoherently, but your promise of a hot shower and a hot sandwich satiates his anger. He struggles his way through a shower, though almost slips a few times. He eats hand to mouth, chewing loudly, and drunk conversation ensues. He shares a lot with you - stuff he probably wouldn't have shared sober. He eventually passes out, not remembering much in the morning. That morning you share breakfast and a little bit about each other. He tried to hate you, he really did, but you were charismatic in a friendly way. There weren't any ulterior motives, you just enjoyed conversation.

"I don't know Julian, she seems fine to me. I mean, she's not all that bad. Her yard is pretty clean and you know, she has that pink little flamingo in her yard and honestly it's pretty fuckin' cute. I mean yeah she's kinda annoying and I hate that fuckin' southern fuckin' cowboy accent she fucking has but whatever. I think you're gettin' worked up over nothin'. You've been so busy tryna push out this lady who hasn't done nothin' wrong to you while I'm over here slavin' away watchin' after these fuckin' dope plants and tryin' to study for my grade ten all while play peepin' tom spy guy on some poor fuckin' lady."

"You're just saying that 'cause she let you spend the night and made you breakfast."

"You know what I sure as fuck I am! She made me breakfast and kept me from sleepin' on the fuckin' ground drunk as piss and let me use her shower and shit and I didn't even have to put out! It's not like I trust her or anything like that - I didn't talk about dope or nothin' like that at all." That was the truth. "It's just at this point anything is better than fucking Cory and Trevor. I'm not sayin' you gotta like her or trust her, but she's not all that bad Julian. Maybe if you actually got to fuckin' know her like I have you'd see that you're just being a paranoid dickbag."

"You know what Ricky, you don't anything about her. You're just seeing what she wants you to see. But I'm smart, so I see right through it -"

"Come on Julian don't be like that -"

"- and since nobody is going to take care of this fucking situation then I guess I'll have to."

Julian felt like everyone around him was failing him. Nobody else seemed to feel the same way he did about your existence in the trailer park. As each day passed, Julian grew more overtly snide. When approaching Ricky and Bubbles, Julian never took the time to acknowledge you. It was obvious that he was just being an ass, so you opted to ignore it, preferring not to fight. Silence was Julian's strongest weapon. But as the days ticked by, the tension between you and Julian only seemed to mount itself higher.

It's not like you inherently disliked Julian. In fact, you liked to believe that there was good in everyone and you prided yourself in your ability to be able to pull even the toughest people out of their shell. However, Julian was no easy project. Every time you tried to approach him, he simply brushed you off. You weren't even sure that the two of you had even exchanged any greetings. He hadn't even said hello. So when trying to talk to him didn't work, you simply tried to stay out of his way. This was frustrating for Julian because what he wanted you to do was to blow up and make it a big ordeal. But you didn't. You simply kept to yourself and resumed helping others around the park without complaints.

There were times where Julian thought about approaching you in the way Julian thinks about approaching any pretty thing in a summer dress that talks to him. But he remains strong in the face of adversity. Gone were the days of chasing anything in a dress. He had a dope business to worry about.

But sometimes the thought would creep up onto Julian ever so slowly. Sometimes, he'd get this kind of fantasy in his head - especially on the Sunday afternoons you'd spend gently pushing yourself back and forth in your rocking chair, enjoying the summer sunlight. He could think of a million ways you two could enjoy the afternoon together, but he often pushed the thought out of his head. He had a park to protect. Friends to protect.

"You know, you have some real nerve comin' up here in this trailer park and putting on a show like you're doing."

You look up from the rocking chair you were gently pushing yourself back and forth in and offer Julian a small smile.

"So you're Julian?"

Julian can't help but be a bit enamored with your slight southern drawl. It sounds like you're somewhere from the deep southern United States - one of those more rural provinces like Texas or Alabama. He can't quite pinpoint the accent, but he secretly finds it endearing.

"And how do you know that?"

"I mean, with how much you do for the people here it's kind of hard not to know who you are. Plus, Ricky and Lucy both never seem to shut up about you. You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say they're both in love with you or something. Also, yesterday you came to pick up Ricky and he pointed right at you and said well, there's Julian, see ya later. I just put two and two together."

"I'm not here to make small talk, (name)."

"Then what are you here to do, Julian?"

There's silence. What is he here to do. There wasn't anything that he could reasonably do and he wasn't the terrorizing type if he didn't have to be. Fuck, he had even promised that his greasy trouble-causing days were over. But here he was, standing at the edge of the patio stairs, contemplating whether or not he should threaten a woman.

"I'm just here to ask you about your intentions with Ricky, that's all."

You can't help but laugh out loud at the comment. "Oh, please. There's nothing going on between us."

Julian knows that because if there was something going on between you and Ricky, Ricky wouldn't shut up about it and the whole park would know. But he's trying to be covert about his intent to interrogate you.

"Yeah, well . . . there better not be . . . Ricky's a good guy and I'd really hate to see him get hurt . . ."

"Why are you really here, Julian?"

Julian stands in silence, thoughtfully cradling his glass in his hand as he tries to come up with a clever lie - but it's hard to think when he catches a glimpse of your thighs pressed together underneath your thin summer dress. He squints and then looks away briefly.

"I just wanted to stop by and tell you more about the culture of Sunnyvale. You know, we're really tight-knit. Like family."

"I know."

"And you know, family protects family."

"I know."

"And you know, I'd do anything for my family."

"I know."

"Anything."

"What are you getting at?"

"I'm not getting at anything, (name). I'm just givin' you a little more info about our park, just trying to get acquainted with you."

"Oh, you're trying to get acquainted with me? This is the first time I've spoken to you in the month I've been living here."

"Well, you know, I was busy with the business I'm running -"

"- that lawn mowing business you and Ricky got?"

Is that what Ricky is calling it? "Yeah, we've had a lot of customers so I've been having to do a lot of bookwork to keep up with the business you know. But it's been busy, so I haven't had time to talk, but now I do and I want to get to know you."

"You want to get to know me?"

"That's what I just said isn't it?"

"Well I'll tell you what Julian," You push the chair backwards in thought, looking up at the bright summer sky. The sun shines in your face, warming your skin. It's a nice feeling. "If you really want to get to know me, you'll come over for dinner tonight."

Julian wasn't going to admit it but he was excited at the prospect of dinner. The last time he shared time - much less a meal - with a woman, she ended up stealing his dope plants and lying to him about being in love. In all fairness, most people would have been wary of someone saying I love you within the first week of getting to know them, but Julian (for the most part) was a hopeless romantic. He liked the idea of a life with someone else.

Julian told himself that this was strictly business - that he was here to set the record straight. This wasn't get-to-know-you dinner, this wasn't a date. He was just here to let you know that he wasn't going to tolerate funny business. He just happened to be wearing his nicest clean black shirt and he just happened to be wearing one of his nicer pair of jeans - the ones that didn't have the holes in them. Julian knocks on your door. The two minutes he waits for you to answer feels like an eternity but when you open the door, he's glad he's waited.

"You got a hot date you're going to after this?"

"What, this?" You look down at the pink summer dress you're wearing, "This is casual." You had always been the more feminine type, enjoying softer clothes and pretty dresses. Plus, unlike jeans dresses were more comfortable. You usher him inside and he obliges, being careful to not spill his drink when he steps in.

"Dinner is served." Dinner being a massive fucking bowl of macaroni and cheese with cheap ass hot dogs. "Sorry it's not exactly the best, but -"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Julian sets his glass down. He's actually ecstatic. Macaroni and cheese and fucking hotdogs? "You know, I don't know where you're from but around here this is a five-star meal."

You give a dry laugh. as Julian picks up his fork to eat. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm kind of new to the whole trailer park life and the whole being poor thing."

"Oh yeah? Where are you from?"

"Southern United States."

"What state?"

"Texas."

"That's a long way from here, basically on the other side of the continent. Why'd you come up this way?" Julian tells himself that he's not trying to get to know you because he's interested in you - he's trying to get to know you to get dirt on you, to know what he's up against.

"I needed an abortion." You answer dryly, "And even though it's been legal for some years now, no physician was wiling to perform one on me."

"Why come to Nova Scotia? Why not just go to another state?"

"Well, I figured things were just better here than they were there. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect by any means but it's better than where I was from. At least here I know if I need the service again, it's a little more reliably accessible. Plus, it's not like I had anywhere or anyone I could turn to. So I just kind of . . . stayed."

"Heavy stuff." Julian sets down his fork, "Didn't have any family to turn to?"

"No, and even if I did they're not the kind of people I'd want to be around."

Julian could relate to that.

"So you just came to Canada for an abortion and then decided to stay? You know, when Americans come to Canada they want to go to Quebec. Nova Scotia isn't exactly on the top of the list, let alone Dartmouth. Let alone fucking Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Nobody just moves in here. Come on, (name) . . . what's the real reason why you're staying here?"

Your mouth runs dry as you consider answering him honestly. "Well, uh . . . you know . . ." You twiddle your thumbs a bit, "I came to Canada with my passport and got my abortion and then . . . I just uh . . ." There's a long pause as your appetite disappears completely. "I didn't have anywhere to go to so I just . . . never left . . . this place was the only place that'd rent to an illegal resident . . ."

"Holy fuck you don't have your papers?" Julian wasn't sure what kind of story he was expecting but it wasn't that. Now he feels like an asshole. "How did you get a job? How did you even afford this place?"

"Well, I had some savings so that was a good cushion, but when that ran out I was able to find a job working as a waitress at that little restaurant just out of town. I'm not technically on the payroll, they just don't make me report my tips, and any extra money is kind of . . . earned under the table." You respond sheepishly.

God, Julian feels like such a fucking jackass for being a raging asshole to you.

"That's . . . hard." Julian doesn't really know what else to say.

"Yeah."

"Well, I've shared my deepest darkest secret with you. Do you want to share anything with me?"

You and Julian talk well into the early hours of the morning, swapping life stories, funny anecdotes, and talking about all of the small things in between. Honestly, he feels at ease with you in a way he hasn't felt at ease before. The conversation flows naturally and even the silence you occasionally fall into feels comfortable. It's nearly two in the morning when you both look at the small clock hanging on your wall and realize the time.

". . . well, it's a little late . . ." You stretch in your chair, still sitting across the table from Julian. You don't really want him to go, but you've both run out of things to talk about and you still have some errands you have to run before work tomorrow. "You know, I have some things I gotta do tomorrow . . . but if you're feeling nice, maybe you can pay me back for dinner by making some for me. I'm usually too tired to cook when I get home . . . you know, only if you want to."

It's hard for Julian to say no to that face.

"What time do you get off work?"

. . .

Julian continues to insist that he doesn't feel some kind of way, that he's just taking the opportunity to really get to know you - you know, in case you ever pose a threat - but the nightly dinner-dates seem to differ.

"Why is it so hard to admit that you have a hard-on for (name)? It's so fucking obvious."

"It's not like that Ricky. You know, I have somewhere to be so why don't you just fuck off and give me some fucking space?"

"Oh yeah I know exactly where you want to be, all up in -"

The truth of the matter was that even though Julian fantasized about it at night, truly nothing had happened. You were sweet, kind, intelligent, patient, compassionate - a truly wonderful person. And that was the problem. Normally, Julian found himself happy to jump into a relationship, but he found himself afraid of making a fool of himself. Guys like him didn't get with girls like you. Simple as that. Besides, love just wasn't in the cards for Julian. It just never worked out like that.

Tonight was yet another night of disappointment. You had lingered on Julian's doorstep after dinner, hoping that maybe he'd make a move and at least give you a kiss goodnight - but the two of you simply stood there awkwardly until he nodded, saying he was probably going to go off to bed now. It was frustrating because you thought you were sending all of the right signals. Light touches, flirtatious giggles, risque comments - the works. But yet again, you find yourself leaving empty-handed. It wasn't that you weren't satisfied with the friendship, you really liked the dynamic the two of you had. You liked that Julian showed you ways to save money, ways to spruce up the trailer home so it felt more roomy, showed you around town a bit - but it left you feeling a bit stupid because you could have sworn the two of you had something more. You could just feel it. But he never addressed it and it drove you crazy.

You knock on the door nervously, your hands shaking.

Julian answers the door again. "What's going on?"

"I don't want to go home just yet. This is about the time J-Roc films his adult films. Can I just sit here for thirty more minutes? He usually finishes up around one in the morning or so."

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in. You can hang out here. I have to shower because, you know, I got somewhere to be in the morning -" Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to drop off the product with the prison guards, "- normally I'd wait up but I got some important stuff I gotta take care of tomorrow. I'm about to get ready for bed, so you can just leave whenever you're ready."

"Alright."

You find yourself sitting awkwardly on the couch as Julian disappears into the bathroom. The trailer shakes a bit when he turns on the water and you can hear the pipes rush before the water falls like rain into the tub. You sit in silence and contemplate. You couldn't keep going back and forth like this, it'd get nowhere. He had hinted a few times at maybe having feelings. Sometimes his hand would linger on the small of your back too long when he was moving past you, or he'd stand too close to you - so close your shoulders would touch - whenever he got the chance. But nothing would ever come of it, and you were tired of it. You think about maybe joining him in the shower but that's too ballsy of a move, so you simply sit there and listen to the shower run until it's turned off. There's more shuffling and you can hear him go into his room. The hallway light turns off and the door clicks close. You should probably get going by now, but you can't bring yourself to just leave.

. . .

You feel like a psychopath drifting down the hallway. You only came down here to use the bathroom, but now you were standing at his bedroom door - contemplating whether or not you should knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Ricky, is that you? I told you to stop picking my fucking lock -"

"No," You answer meekly, "It's me. I uh, wanted to take that book back I lent you before I went home. I didn't see it in your living room so I figured you might be keeping it in here."

Julian stares up at the ceiling in thought. Julian is pretty book-smart and it doesn't take a genius to know the game you're running. He's been down this road a thousand times. He wants to say yes, but there's still the lingering fear of ruining the good friendship that's already there.

Julian turns his head to look at his nightstand, the small paperback book sat there. Shit, maybe you weren't playing any games.

"Yeah, give me a moment, I'll come bring it to you."

"You don't have to go through that trouble, I'll just come get it real quick . . . if that's alright with you."

". . . that's alright with me."

You gently push the door open, slipping through before gently closing the door behind you. You can only see the outline of Julian's body in the dark, a few shadows illuminated by the moonlight that drifts in through the blinds.

"It's right over here." You see the shadow of Julian's hand reach over and grab the thick book. Infinite Jest.

"I'll come get it." You pull yourself up onto the bed, you're knees on either side of his feet. Gently, you shimmy your way up, crawling over him on your hands and knees. Julian shifts a bit. Both of your breaths are heavy and as you sit yourself comfortably on his waist, you watch his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Gently, you pluck the book from his hand. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Julian's voice is barely over a whisper.

You thumb through the thick book, landing on a page barely illuminated by the moonlight, reading the page you've thumbed to. "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." Truer words have never been spoken. Like everything in life, Julian has sunk his fingernails so deep into it he's drawn blood. He likes to pretend he can let things go, but he can't.

Julian's hands gently grip at your hips, squeezing them softly - almost like he's afraid that if he squeezes too tight he'll hurt you. His fingers grip at your waist, gently pushing your hips backwards, guiding them in a gentle rocking motion against him. Your hips follow the movement of his hands, rocking against him with a pleased hum.

"Is that right?" Julian asks in a whisper.

"That's right." You respond gently.

"Me included?" He can't hope that you want him so bad that you'd sink your nails so deep into him that he'd never be able to leave you, even if he wanted to. And even if you wanted to leave him, he'd probably stay around and beg for you to take him back anyway.

"If you'll let me."

If he wasn't rock hard before he's rock fucking hard now. "I want you." Julian's voice is hoarse, completely contradicting his typically firm and masculine present. He melts under you. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, Julian was a romantic and the touch of a woman he really valued meant a lot to him. His breath is labored as he guides your hips against him, "Please, I want you."

If this were someone else in the park, it'd be a different story. Sleeping around with people in the park for Julian wasn't about emotions, it was about releasing a physical need, and when you can't keep a boyfriend sometimes you have to turn to your neighbors for some help. Everyone slept with everyone. But you're not them, this isn't just casual for Julian - he doesn't want to fuck it up. He shudders when your fingertips drag across his chest, tracing patterns and circles into his shirt as you rock against him, grinding your hips downwards to create more friction. You're a tease, you take your time, and he hates it but he loves it. Two large hands reach up to cup your breasts over your shirt gently, His hands trail downwards, over your abdomen, grabbing gently at your stomach for a short moment before finding themselves at the hem of your shirt.

"What are you waiting for?" You ask him between small breaths, still making rhytmic riding motions. It's a softly-asked question but also a plea for action. "Please, Julian. I've wanted this since the moment I saw you."

"God, fuck you're so fucking hot." It's like a flip switched in his head and he can't hold himself back anymore. Strong hands placed firmly on your hips flip you onto your back. Now he's on top of you, every part of him everywhere. His lips touch yours in a kiss, teeth pull at the skin of your neck, and tongue sooths the freshly bruised areas by rubbing itself on it in small circles. Like always, he can't help himself, and unlike recently, he stops wasting time.

Your shirt is the first thing to come off - Julian helps shimmy it off of you, throwing it to the side. The next thing to come off is your pajama pants, which he also tosses to the side after helping shimmy it off of you. He has half a mind to compliment the pretty color of your underwear and tell you it looks good on you, but he doesn't pay it any mind since it's about to come off anyways. His hands lift you up by the small of your back just long enough for him to unclasp your bra, letting you fall back down onto the bed. His hands hook underneath your knees, lifting them up and pushing your legs up so he can help slide your underwear easily off of your body. You're left naked under him while he remains fully clothed, lowering himself onto you before you can complain that he hasn't undressed yet.

His thumbs roll against your nipples, gently pinching and pulling at them before taking them into his mouth. Julian has never been the most gentle lover, especially when he gets excited, always eager to take matters into his own hands - but that's part of his appeal.

Kisses trail down your stomach, followed by him dragging his tongue along the skin, pushing your legs apart. He takes his time adorning your inner thighs with kisses, sucking on the skin and taking it between his teeth. He likes the way he makes you whimper and moan, it's intoxicating. But eventually the teasing becomes too much even for him, he's growing impatient, so he lends his tongue to you, circling it around your clit, strong nose pressed into sensitive skin.

Your body writhes as you feel a familiar pressure build in your abdomen, thighs tightening around his head so tight he thought he might suffocate. What a way to go that would be. Your fingers curl into his short hair, gripping and pulling at his hair while your toes curl. You whimper but that only encourages him to slowly push his thick index finger into you, followed by a second after you properly adjusted. His mouth and fingers work in tandem, his fingers curling and pressing inside of you in a come hither motion while his tongue continues to stroke your clit.

"Fuck, Julian, god, fuck -" But before you can climax, he's gone - pulling away. If Julian enjoys anything, it's edging. There's just something about bringing a woman to climax and leaving them nearly in tears that turns him on.

"You look disappointed." Julian catches a glimpse of your lopsided frown illuminated in the moonlight, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." His shirt is pulled over his head, exposing his bare chest. When you touch the muscle, it's firm from years of consistent working-out. You trace a tattoos that look like they were done with a sewing needle and ink - probably stick and poke tattoos - but Julian frowns. He doesn't like those tattoos, he's not proud of them and he's not proud of his time spent in jail. But you only offer him an encouraging smile and place your palm over the tattoo before dragging your hand down to his belt, pulling at the buckle. Julian offers you a half-hearted smile. "Can't wait?"

Julian pushes your hand out of the way gently, taking his time to unfasten his belt and slowly pulling it through the loops. The belt is tossed to the side, along with his pants and underwear, leaving you both equals. Two hands hook themselves underneath your knees, placing your ankles on his shoulders while he uses his right hand to stroke his cock a bit, helping to harden himself up more. Sometimes the nerves just get to you.

"Holy fuck Julian you're big, you gotta be careful with that thing you're carrying a whole fucking concealed weapon -"

Julian chuckles a bit at the comment but presses a gentle kiss to your ankles. "I'll be careful with you if that's what you're trying to say."

The tip is pushed in slowly with great discomfort, pushing himself in. There's a stiff moment of silence as you let out a labored breath.

"You good?" he asks.

You nod, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip. Julian takes his thumb against your bottom lip, peeling it out from underneath your teeth. His thumb drags your bottom lip down, exposing the inside of it before pushing his thumb into your mouth. Your lips wrap around his thumb, letting your tongue slide against the skin, sucking on the appendage as he pulls out just a bit, repositioning himself before he thrusts back in. Your body pushes upwards with the motion, head pressing against the headboard slightly. His thumb is still pressed in your mouth while his free hand keeps hooked underneath your knee, pushing it backwards so he can angle himself better - each thrust pushing itself deeper inside of you. Sweat coats his chest and runs down the side of his face, abdomen flexing the closer he gets to coming, but he restrains himself - wanting to ride it out for as long as he could.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Oh, God, Julian -"

"Fuck, (name)."

"Julian -"

"(Name), (Name), (Name)."

"I heard you did a real good job of running that girl out of the trailer park last night, Julian."

"Hey, Barbara, why don't you fuck off?"

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