#sorry i just saw more than anything for the thousandth time and was reminded of my lackluster relationship with my father

[3c0ra-zon3]

Why does the literal devil and his daughter have a better relationship than me and my dad?! 😡 Wth, when is it my turn?

[kae-karo]

I saw your tags on the link click post and I love your theory that this isn't the first time lu guang has saved cxs. Would you happen to have the energy to expand on that? I'd... 👉👈 like to hear your thoughts (only if u want to though)

HELLO THANK U FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPAND ON THIS (for context - x) don't get me wrong i ADORE the sentiment in that post, but i am SO far down the "this isn't the first time lu guang has saved cheng xiaoshi" path that i can't come back lmao

before i say anything else, BUCKLE UP cause i have absolutely zero tangible proof and any canon reasoning for this is a stretch that would make a rubber band look rigid, but i can't stop thinking about it and i'm having fun so here we go

first and foremost: hat guy is a time cop ("cop"). hear me out, i promise this is relevant.

also sorry his name is liu xiao lmao (ignore the moment i thought his name was lu xiao and was about to be like he is the physical manifestation of lu guang and cheng xiaoshi's melding of their powers and/or their lovechild and/or their future combined self and/or- etc u get the idea)

AHEM. okay so. the first number of times we see liu xiao (as a kid and a friend of li tianchen) he seems relatively normal? although he does make a comment that stood out to me when i first watched ep9, where he says "i believe in the near future, you will definitely encounter the opportunity to become a hunter". when tianchen asks if they'll meet again, he says "surely we will" - and then, when they do, he reminds tianchen that he said they'd definitely meet again

he proceeds to comment (when tianchen asks if he has any choice) that "it seems everyone has only one path in their destiny, but in fact, it is made up of countless parallel lines...sometimes we want to change it, but we can't." - this specific phrase is spoken over lu guang's memory of watching cheng xiaoshi get shot.

and of course, we can't forget liu xiao's critical line "i wanna bring all parallel lines together, to turn all uncertainties into certainties." i think that's beyond metaphorical, i think he can not only see (in some sense) the parallel lines of a person's fate/futures/etc, but can manipulate them. or, rather, can corral them all into a single line, a single destiny, a single path for every person

now brief reminder that li tianxi was able to see lu guang's memories when she looked at the pic (revealed in ep12) - and she immediately started crying. i know the implication in that moment (ep10) was that she was experiencing lu guang's pain from the wound, but what if it was more than that? what if she saw his memories, too - in ep12, he implies that he went back to the beginning, presumably the start of the season, effectively, to prevent cheng xiaoshi from dying (hence all his careful planning through the season)

also real quick can we talk about how the passcode to his phone was the time (and date?) he went back to save cheng xiaoshi? THEE moment of "he is worth more than my rules". whether this is the first time or the thousandth, i'm still unwell

OKAY so anyway i think i've established that liu xiao has some fascination with timelines and, more precisely, with paring them down to whatever he's determined to be the Correct or Perfect timeline (ie establishing 'certainty') - this is why i call him a time cop like i don't think he's actually executing on some authority i think he's just decided that he has the power and that he wants the world to operate according to his certainties.

ones that lu guang has fucked up by saving cheng xiaoshi. possibly more than once.

for my next act, lu guang's character sheet:

yeah can we talk about age: ? like excuse me ?????? i'm also intrigued by the unknown blood type, but let's ignore that for now lmao

back to his unknown age - why the hell would this be unknown if he's just a guy? cheng xiaoshi has a normal age in spite of his abilities, right? and lu guang's ability is only to view the 12hr surrounding a photo, right?

WRONG. well, right, but also wrong. BEAR WITH ME OKAY cause we're jumping to qiao ling's experience in ep12 now - the moment she held onto tianxi when she died. where we saw...something travel from her to qiao ling. her memories? or her abilities?

now perhaps u, like me, recall lu guang's solitary moment in ep12 where, while covered in blood, he looked at his phone, his eyes turned cheng-xiaoshi-gold, he clapped, and he zoomied back to the past. because he was holding cheng xiaoshi when he died. and thus inherited his power.

OKAY SO why the fuck does that matter !!!! WELL I'M GLAD U ASKED. because we have no problem with cheng xiaoshi's age, right? he's done this 'jump back in time' thing a bunch!!! for 12hr at a time, and then he's back!

okay, but what happens when lu guang, who acquired cheng xiaoshi's power, jumps back to a time before he had cheng xiaoshi's power? now what? how would he jump back (or even be forced back) to his present body and time if he no longer has that ability? wouldn't he now be forced to re-live the hours, days, years after going back to make a change?

in his words, he went back to the beginning, thus he'd have to relive the whole thing, but now, he can make the Right choices this time to protect cheng xiaoshi

but what's a week (or a couple days or whatever it was) in the grand scheme of things? how would his age be unknown if this is the first and only time he's ever done it?

(critical caveat that 'the beginning' could absolutely refer to something far earlier than just the season's start - it could be the beginning of their relationship, for all we know, but let's start here for the sake of keeping this...i'd say manageable but we're well beyond that i am YAPPING)

if his age is so impossible to define, i think it could very easily fit to suggest that he's done this before - possibly many times. so many times that to suggest he's only as old as his physical body would be utterly ludicrous

okay but what in the world would make him want to change fate so often, for so long, so many times? what would make him go against his own rule (*i don't think this was always a rule for him but bear with me, we'll get to that)? well, we know the answer to that :)

so, i don't think this is the first time he's gone back in time to save cheng xiaoshi. i don't think it's the first time he's held cheng xiaoshi as he dies, because that's the way he would've acquired his ability in order to do this (an argument could be made here that he's hidden some facets of his own ability and that he's always been capable of this, but i don't think it was an accident that we saw qiao ling Acquire tianxi's ability)

in fact (if u thought this was all crack theory up to this point, hold onto ur horses) i think the first time he went back in time to save cheng xiaoshi was (seriously, hold on tight) when cheng xiaoshi died with his parents when he was a kid

that's right i'm going all the way baby. i think cheng xiaoshi was supposed to die when he was a kid. why the hell did his parents leave him all alone? to go on some random trip?? like we all agree this is peculiar right???? how does NOBODY know what happened to them, where they were, etc?

now i could go into possible scenarios (lu guang was a kid, too, and didn't know what he was doing, lu guang knew EXACTLY what he was doing and that it would have consequences, lu guang didn't even know he HAD any abilities til he tried to save cheng xiaoshi, the list goes on) BUT the gist of this being: i think lu guang saved cheng xiaoshi. i think he went back in time (into his own body) and figured out the right choices to make (maybe after many tries) to ensure that cheng xiaoshi didn't go with his parents. that he stayed home, for whatever reason, and survived

now why do i believe this, you may be asking? because it's fun, of course !!! and because we have no idea what happened to his parents yet, so i'll continue to theorize in the meantime lmao

you could also alternatively suggest that the going back in time to save cheng xiaoshi doesn't start until after they meet - i mean, hell, look at the situations they get themselves into just within the span of two seasons, they are RIFE with danger. like, cheng xiaoshi could've died MANY times !!!!

but honestly what really sells me is - going ALL the way back to the post that i linked at the start - lu guang didn't hesitate. not only did he already know, but he had no qualms with immediately (still covered in blood) going back to before and doing this all over again. unlike qiao ling, who does not appear to realize she has tianxi's ability, lu guang seems to immediately understand that he has cheng xiaoshi's. that just smacks of experience

(also, an aside: what photo did he use? how far back did he go? there's another route of course - did he go so far back that he's relived his life to such a notable degree that calling him whatever age of his physical body would be missing a notable number of years? in which case, one could argue that this could be the first time, though his immediate knowledge of acquiring cheng xiaoshi's remains unexplained. ANYWAY i digress)

okay back to the point here - lu guang immediately knowing that he has cheng xiaoshi's ability and using it without hesitation, though he does comment on how he broke his own rule. and it sounds like a first-time thing, but consider...

what if this is the first time he's broken it since making the rule?

enter time cop hat guy (i hear u, i promised this was relevant), aka our boi liu xiao who wants to create 'certainties' by (presumably) eliminating branching possibilities in some regard to create single paths/fates/destinies/etc. for lack of a better way to phrase it, a single timeline where everything can be predicted and accounted for (yeah...i suspect we'll be unpacking some of his trauma in s3)

now, different choices mean different outcomes - different timelines, a long list of uncertainties. i think liu xiao aimed to stop that. i also think that his ability gives him some kind of godlike manipulation over timelines (how else would he speak with such confidence about making this future a reality?) assuming, of course, that he has no interference from others with similar abilities

enter lu guang, who has now - potentially multiple times - messed with liu xiao's perfect timeline, one wherein cheng xiaoshi dies (not necessarily with intentional malice, just by virtue of securing whichever certainties liu xiao wants). this, of course, is a problem for liu xiao

and perhaps he makes lu guang's life a living hell - hey, why not go all the way? perhaps he makes a point of manipulating the timeline to kill cheng xiaoshi in new and horrifying ways, again and again, just to watch lu guang play this pathetic game trying to save him by going back in time. perhaps it's entertaining, for a while, but he grows tired of it eventually

so, he proposes an agreement: he'll stop trying to kill cheng xiaoshi, but lu guang has to agree never to manipulate his perfect timeline again (or something similar, you get the idea - they reach a ceasefire of sorts wherein they both, to an extent, get what they want)

thus, the rule was born - whatever they do, they cannot ever change these critical nodes. so long as lu guang adheres, liu xiao won't try to kill cheng xiaoshi

but then someone else does. someone else succeeds. and lu guang breaks his side of the deal, he changes the timeline. he knows exactly what he's doing, what he may invoke, but he does it anyway (i'm fully writing my own au of this story at this point lmao but hey, hope ur having fun if u made it this far)

and so liu xiao returns from abroad, because he has a score to settle

[don't ask me why s3 is set in london and they look like they're teaming up, i'm all for a 'forced to work together' arc but how that fits in with this wildly out of pocket theory is beyond me lmao]

anyway hope u enjoyed this delve into my silly goofy theory !!!! thank u deeply for the ask LMAO

[grippingbeskar]

Heyy! I saw an ask you posted saying you take fic requests so I thought I’d throw my hat in the ring.

This is a Frank Castle request for a smutty one shot:

Basically Frank and the reader are both hiding out in Micro’s basement and they are already together and while Micro is in another room they start to do the nasty.

Then Micro accidentally walks in and is all, “Gross, guys, c’mon I’m right over here.”

Reader tells him to get out.

And Frank says something along the lines of, “I’m planning to fuck my girl into this mattress either way.”

Micro goes away and they continue.

Very dirty. Very smutty. Maybe a little choking kink if you are comfortable writing that.

Anyway😂😂😂I’m so sorry I let intrusive thoughts win

homewrecker

frank castle x fem!reader

word count: 3.1k

a/n: omg it’s been so long since i wrote something for frank I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! thankyou so much for ur request i LOVED writing this!!!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Because I’m bored, Frank.” You whine, and he just rolls his eyes, sitting on the other end of the make shift bed. You let your head fall back against the concrete wall, taking stock of your surroundings for the thousandth time today.

You’ve been in here for hours. Literal hours. Usually you can at least walk around the dirty basement Micro set up as his hold, but today you haven’t even been able to do that. The list of people not after you was shorter than the list of people that are, and while Micro works outside, somewhere, trying to get you two off the map, it leaves you with very little options but to sit here and stare at the wall.

At least you had one nice sight in this little room. The mattress hardly fit the both of you, and the walls were cracking and cold, but Frank sat in front of you, shirtless and a little sweaty because he had been trying to work out for at least 20 minutes. Every time he tried, though, you would push his arm, making him fall flat out of a push-up, or kick at his legs while he tried to do chin ups over the frame of the door.

It’s not that you didn’t want him to work out. God, he looked so fucking good when he did, all sweaty and breathing hard. It reminded you of how he looks after you fuck, and the mere thought was just too distracting when your cooped up in this room. So, you resorted to becoming a literal nightmare and ruining every attempt of his, because if you were suffering, you were going to make sure he was too.

“You’re bored, and makin’ me fall on my ass is the way you wanna entertain yourself?” He brushes off the dust on his pants from where you shoved him out of a plank.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve got TV or anything.” You look up at him, trying to compose yourself as he stands. No, more like looks above you, coming around the foot of the mattress on the floor and slowly kneeling next to you.

“Come ‘ere.” He shuffles next to you, wrapping you into his bare chest. He smells like metal and dust, and you have to squeeze your eyes shut so you don’t look further down, where his sweatpants aren’t hiding anything. Like, at all. “You’re worried. Look, I’ve been through this a hundred times over, I know it’s a lot but Micro’s gonna sort his shit out. We’re gonna get out of here, me and you, and then you can watch all the fuckin’ TV you want.”

“Yeah? Even Love Island?” Frank groans into the top of your head and you laugh. “So much Love Island that I pick up an accent?”

“Fuck me. Whatever you wanna do, princess.” His arm tightens and you look up, still averting your gaze from his pants. Frank and you have been together for a while now, and in literally any other situation you would have wasted the hours with him inside you, going slow and steady until both of you couldn’t think about time. You had spent a lot of hidden nights like that, but you know Micro was right outside.

The walls were concrete, but the door was flimsy. It was meant to look like part of the wall, so you could easily blend into the background. You didn’t even know there was a door there until Micro shoved you both into it when you arrived, needing you both to hide yourselves from the FBI agents he was sure were watching him.

That was three hours ago. Maybe he had left? Surely enough time had passed, and you had been so patient. You hadn’t so much as kissed Frank since Micro locked you in here - you were trying to be good. Respect his place. And a part of you didn’t really want anyone hearing the way you were with Frank - it would totally ruin your bad ass reputation.

Frank was the deciding factor, though. He hooked a finger under your chin, bringing your face up to his so he could kiss you. It was soft and soothing. He knew how scared you were, even if you didn’t admit it, and if he could do something to take your mind off it, you knew he would.

He tried to move underneath you to get a better angle, but you turned your face and looked towards the door.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was low, like he had just woken up.

“Micro is outside.” Frank just shrugs and kisses you again, and it takes all your self control to pull away again, although not too far so you could still keep your hands on him. “Frank.”

“Fuck ‘im. He’s probably not even there.” He pulls you back, and you let him flip you over on the mattress. His mouth moves across your throat, leaving a trail of wet kisses down to your collarbone.

“Frank - we can’t just-“ He looks up at you, and the sight makes you want to strip him down right there and then.

“You don’t wanna - that’s okay, baby. We can do whatever -“

“Fuck, Frank! I do, I really fucking do.” The smile that grows on his face is impossible to resist, and he starts to pull your shirt up, laying kisses along your tummy and working his way up to your sternum, stripping your shirt off over your head. “But Micro-“

“I can feel how fuckin’ wet you are, baby. You don’t really care about that, do you?” His hand hardly touches you, just skims over your leggings which are very clearly tainted with the evidence of how right he is. You fight under him as his hand grips your upper thigh. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

He pulls your pants down with zero hesitation, hands running wildly over your now exposed body. He has no aim, just lets his hands wander all over your curves, gripping your hips and settling on their place, sliding you further down the mattress and closer to him.

“He can’t hear us, i-okay?” Frank isn’t listening, thoughts lost in how he now has his fingers hooked under your panties, dragging them slowly down your legs. He smiles at how easily you caved in, lifting your legs so he can throw your underwear off. You lean up on your forearms and spread your legs on instinct.

“Christ, princess. So pretty, always so pretty.” He slides in between your legs, his bare torso connecting with your dripping pussy, making you whine into his mouth when he kisses you. “Can’t hear us, okay?”

Frank mocks as you struggle to contain your noises. He slides a hand between your bodies and without another second for you to catch your breath, his finger spreads you open and dives into you.

“Oh, fuck Frankie.” You try to whisper, and he moans at the nickname, grinding his hips down into the mattress. His finger works you slowly, a wave of pleasure making your whole body shudder. You pick your legs up and start to slide his pants down, secretly grateful he wore sweats. Easier to take off.

“So greedy. This why you were being such a pain in my ass? Huh?” You just nod, and the heel of his palm begins to rub against your clit while he adds another finger.

The sensation is too much, but you almost cry out when his free hand comes up around your throat. He was kneeling now to keep himself upright, fucking you with his hand so fast you were almost sure someone would be able to hear it.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it princess?”

“Yes, Frankie! Oh fuck s’good - t’s so good fuc-“ You are cut off when his hand wraps around your throat, only allowing about half of your normal breathing to break through his hold. Your eyes start to roll back in your head from pleasure, and you can feel your legs begin to shake in the angle Frank was bending you at.

“There’s a good girl. Taking what I give her.” You tried to swallow, and his hand only just shifted to allow it, and you nodded desperately. “Doesn’t matter who was around, you’d still take it wouldn’t you? If I asked all nice?”

“Whatever you w-want I swear-“ He kisses you, his tongue sliding into your mouth, and before you squeeze your eyes shut you can see how hard his face is screwed up, clearly holding back until you were ready for him. He lets you suck in a breath, and you use the chance to choke out a final plea. “Gonna cum, Frankie.”

“Good, baby. Go on then, don’t hold back. Wanna hear you scream.” The words have you almost panic - you don’t think you can control the sounds coming from you now, he had you to wired. You tried to turn your face into the pillow to muffle yourself, but one finger had enough strength to hold your face to his.

“Fra- can’t please, s’too l-loud.” Trying to whisper, but Franks smirk told you he didn’t give a shit.

“You’re fine, baby. Let me hear it.” His eyes are so wide, and looking up at you through his lashes. It’s the last thing you need to fall off that edge, and no pillow over your face would stop the borderline pornographic noises that echoed against the concrete walls. “Sound so perfect.”

Frank was holding you down as the orgasm wracked through your body, leaving you spinning. You could only tell what way was up when Frank started kissing you again, and you practically shot off the mattress when the head of his cock slid over your clit, coating him in the evidence.

“You good, princess?” His large hand began to unwrap from around your throat, and he kissed the faint lines his hand made as you whimpered in approval.

“Always.” Your eyes fluttered open and he hung over your face, kissing your nose, and then both your cheeks. Your hand ran down his chest, taking your time until you finally reached his aching cock, shifting underneath him so he could slide in easier.

“You sure? What about-“ It was you kissing him now to shut him up, and you just shook your head.

“Fuck him. Probably not even there.” You mumbled into his mouth and he laughed, bringing both of your hands up over your head, and holding them in one of his own.

“That’s my girl.” He moves up, and you can feel him pressing against you. He’s still holding your hands above your head, and you can do nothing but wait patiently. His free hand runs slow strokes over his cock, and he watched your reaction as he lets your hips roll against him, trying to control himself as well as make you work a little bit.

You were positive he was about to fuck you - fuck you like he did when you were in that motel for three weeks. Slow, hard, holding you down so you didn’t have to do anything but feel him, feel how good he makes you feel. He was so close, you could feel the very tip of him beginning to stretch you out, and you bit your lip in anticipation until -

“What the fuck is wrong with you people!?” Micro bangs in the door, and with how clearly you can hear him, you know he heard everything you and Frank just did. And said. Oh god- “If I come in there and I see Franks bare ass-“

“Don’t open that fuckin’ door.” Frank growls, his abs tensing from holding himself still. You wiggle your hips and his head snaps back to you, a look of slight confusion until he sees your face, screwed up and desperate. “You are gonna fuckin’ kill me, princess.”

“Put your fucking clothes on! That is my only mattress you fucking perverts!” Frank no longer cares about how close Micro is to coming in. He’s the only one with a key to the door. He could open it at any second - 

Frank slowly slides into you, both of you trying to cover relived moans of each others names as he bottoms out, hitting the deepest part of you that nearly has tears coming from your eyes. 

“Fuck off!” You yell, but it doesn’t come out as demanding as you want it to. Franks hand tightens around your wrists, and he sucks in a deep breath before beginning to pull out of you, so fucking slow. 

“Jesus christ.” Micro mutters clearly through the thin walls. Frank hears the lock start to turn on the door, and even you are a little intimidated when he growls out a threat.

“I’m fuckin’ my girl here either way. You come in here and see something you shouldn’t, and you’re gonna lose your head.” He never looks away from you, sliding slowly, carefully back inside of you and stilling. The anger of his threat and the tone of his voice is no indication of how he’s fucking you, so gentle and sweet. He presses another kiss to your nose, and smirks when he hears the lock click back into place.

“Fine! I’m leaving. Not like I was saving your asses out here. Whatever, I’m taking your fucking car.” Micro is pissed - and he should be, you would if the two people you had spent hours trying to sort out were currently fucking on the only mattress you owned. But you didn’t fucking care - about anything but Frank and how he was slowly getting faster now that he had heard Micro leave. 

“Fuck, faster baby, please.” You moan and he answers by doing exactly as you say, hitting you so hard you start to sink into the mattress. 

“Want it faster? Make the whole building hear you?” You tried to speak but just whined out a jumble of words, nothing making sense in your head except for ‘please’ and ‘fuck’. “Yeah, that’s it. They can hear, but only I get to watch. No one else.”

“No one else, Frank.” He hums against your skin, and you don’t hold back letting him hear how fucking good it feels. You don’t know why you were holding yourself back from him before - fuck everyone else, nothing was worth missing out on this. This, being with him here even in this shitty little room with no TV and cracked walls. It didn’t matter as long as you were both safe.

“So fuckin’ tight. Always s-” He lost his words as you kissed him, both of you melting into the moment together. He stopped trying to hold himself up, relaxed his back and dropped half of his weight on you, the feeling of him against you sending you into overdrive.

He knew you were close, because you always squeezed your eyes shut tight and made these short, sweet sounds that he always told you he loved to hear. He kept the same pace, knowing as soon as you finished, watching you come undone underneath him would be his final straw.

“God, Frank I love you so much. M’gonna fucking cum, baby.” He dropped his forehead onto your shoulder, his hand coming up to wrap around your throat again. Fuck - he knew you so well.

“Sound so pretty, princess. Want you to come all over this fucking mattress. Feel so good, christ.” You scream his name as best you can, a strangled cry coming out as he tightens his hand around your throat. You come, the concrete roof fading into stars and spots as you lose oxygen. It makes everything feel urgent and intense, and Frank’s come is already beginning to seep out of you as you ride him through your high.

“Oh fuuu-ck.” He groans into your neck as he slowly starts to pull out of you. You aren’t ready for the loss of him, and he soothes you with sweet kisses along your jaw and cheek, wrapping you up into the poor excuse of a sheet and pulling you close. Your vision starts to come back to you, and you focus on the deep breaths of Frank behind you, the hot air on the back on your neck. You can imagine how he looks right now, and smile knowing you were the cause.

“I love you, princess.” He whispers into your ear, pressing a kiss just below.

“I love you more.” You can feel his smile against your skin.

“Mm.” He wraps you closer, and almost seems to fall asleep, his breathing evening out and his arms relaxing around you. It surprises you when he speaks again, and you have to tear your eyes open. “We have to buy a new mattress.”

“Fuck. We do. Maybe we should make dinner, too.” Frank doesn’t say anything, just huffs a breath and you laugh. “He’s gonna be so mad.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. I’ll handle him.” 

“We should probably put some clothes on.” As much as you love how you both are right now, Micro will probably be back any minute. 

“I fuckin’ hate this. We- You shouldn’t have to-” You turn around in his hold to face him, and kiss him on the jaw.

“Shh. Soon, we’re gonna have our own place, our own bed, and we won’t have to wear clothes, like ever.” He shivers slightly and closes his eyes like he can picture it. “Soon, okay?”

“I know, I just hate that you gotta do all this shit, deal with him-”

“He is helping us. We will have all the time in the world when we get out of here. We just have to get out of here.” Frank kisses you, his hand coming up to hold your face. You love it when he kisses you like that, because his hand nearly takes up your whole face and you can completely disappear in his hold.

“How did this turn in to you calmin’ me down, huh?” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Im just trying to soften you up so we can watch Love Island later.” He groans and his shoulders slump forward, rolling you off the mattress where you start getting dressed.

Eventually you tear yourselves out of the room to make dinner, and as pissed as Micro is when he comes back, the promise of a new mattress and incredible dinner Frank ended up cooking was enough to make it up to him. As you were going through to the kitchen, you looked back at the little slot in the wall where the door is, and you smiled. To think a few hours ago, you were begging to get out of that room - and now it was the closest thing to home you had.

You were pretty sure, though, looking at Frank spread out on the make shift couch trying to tune the TV so you could watch the newest episode of your shitty TV show, that you could make a home anywhere, as long as it was with him.

[rkived]

━ CHASING PAVEMENTS 04 │ JJK

↳ PAIRING: dad!jk/married!jk/bff!jk x reader 

↳ GENRE/TAGS: f2l, angst, unrequited feelings, cheating, future smut

↳ WARNINGS: (for this chapter) angst as per usual what’s new, jk is sad, reader is sad, sunhi is sad, everyone’s just SAD

↳ RATING: (for this chapter) PG

↳ WORD COUNT: 4k 

↳ SYNOPSIS: Jungkook’s been feeling a little weird lately. Maybe it’s got something to do with his crumbling marriage and the way you seem to care for his daughter more than his own wife.

↳ A/N: ehem let’s pretend like i didn’t ghost this story for like half a year aha i’ve written more than this for cp but i decided to just divide it and leave the juicy stuff for the last chapter !! sorry for making u wait so long </3 anyway hope u enjoy still n i’ll see u in a couple months for the final chapter of cp!! (i’m jking…..or am i?)

01 02 03 04 05 (coming soon)

Minji thinks you’re starting to get better. 

Well, she hopes you are because it’s been two months since you broke the news on her and anyone would think that’d it be long forgotten by now. She tries to stop as often as she can to check up on you, even though you assure her that you’re fine and that a simple text would suffice instead of having her come over every day in between. 

Which is why she’s unsure if giving you the invitation Jungkook had handed her about two weeks ago was a good idea, considering that it’s been a few days since you had last even mentioned him to her like you usually did before. In fact, today you look like you’re at peace for the very first time.

‘‘I did yoga!’’ You explain when she mentions that you look different, ‘‘I still can’t face going back to Namjoon’s class, but I remember a ton of positions he taught us!’’ 

Minji has to force herself to smile, her hand lingers inside the purse she’s carrying as her fingers fiddle with the cardstock paper waiting patiently to be handed. 

‘‘And then I stopped for some yogurt at the place down the─’’

‘‘I need to give this to you,’’ Minji stops your ramble and you’re taken aback by how urgent her voice sounds, very unlike her. ‘‘I promised I’d get this to you, so…’’ 

You’re about to ask her what she’s on about when she abruptly hands what you could make out to be a colorful piece of paper. Your eyebrows furrowed at the sight, completely confused until it suddenly hit you what it is that your friend’s talking about.

‘‘How did you─?’’ 

Minji gives you half a smile and shakes her hand so you can take the card instead of just staring at it, ‘‘Just─take it.’’

Your hand reaches out to grab it from her and your eyes quickly focus on the unicorn and sparkles themed birthday invite. It reads that it’s Sunhi’s birthday and that you are invited! You recognize the handwriting that filled the party’s information details, you always thought he had really nice penmanship. 

‘‘I think you should go,’’ Minji’s voice sounds like she’s faraway, but she’s just a few feet away from you, ‘‘for Sunhi.’’ 

You’re still staring at the invitation, memorizing every single detail. There’s so many unicorns, when did she start liking the mythical creature? She had never mentioned a liking towards them to you ever. You assume it must’ve happened during these few months of your absence.

How many moments have you missed? How many unanswered questions must Sunhi have by now? How many new toys has she had to wait to show you? How many kindergarten stories has she been saving to tell you? 

You’ve been counting. Sixty days have passed since you last saw Sunhi. It’s been seven Fridays since you last had her in your arms. 

Sixty days and seven Fridays since you kissed Jungkook. Fifty-nine days since you blocked him. 

Minji is still waiting for any sort of reaction from you. You’re stoically analyzing the piece of paper and she wonders what is it that you’re thinking or feeling. Is it good, bad or all in one? Whatever it is, her small deed is done. 

‘‘Y/N?’’ She calls out, you slowly nod and take your eyes from the invitation from the first time since she gave it to you. ‘‘Do you mind if I go? I have some stuff to─’’

A small gasp escapes your lips, ‘‘Yes Minji, of course!’’ Your friend smiles slightly and you proceed to escort her out your apartment. She actually doesn’t have anything to do, but she thinks it’s best if you get some space to take everything in. 

Minji notices how you’re still holding on to the birthday invite and she has to suppress a chuckle because she knows you’re most likely doing this absentmindedly. 

Before you’re able to thank her for coming, she stops you to say one last thing. ‘‘If you don’t want to go, then don’t,’’ she begins and your eyebrows raise at your friend’s comment. ‘‘Whatever it is that you decide on doing, I’ll support you either way,’’ Minji offers you a genuine smile and you can’t help but hug her tightly.

You’re alone again. Loneliness has come in waves as of lately. You’ve lived alone for years now, you’re used to being the only person present in your apartment ─ but that fact hasn’t felt more obvious than since you shunned Jungkook out. 

Good days eventually turn sour. The times where it seems like you can go on about your life without thinking about him and what he might be up to quickly change because your mind makes you feel bad about feeling good. 

Why did you cut him off knowing his daughter idolizes you like no other? Why did you selfishly decide to block him when you could’ve just talked it out? Why didn’t you stop him that night if you knew things would change between you two? Why did you let him kiss you knowing it was going to hurt in the end?

You know Sunhi’s fourth birthday is coming up. It’s one of those dates you can’t simply forget, it comes naturally to you. You had settled with the idea that you weren’t going to be invited this time around, it would’ve been okay since you think it’s what you deserve anyway. If Jungkook had taken you off the guest list, he was in his total right to do so. 

You want to be mad at him right now.

Why would he invite you? Why couldn’t he just leave things the way they were? You wish you were angry, but you’re not. You feel slightly comforted with the fact that he had decided to include you even with everything that went down. In fact, not inviting you would’ve been selfish knowing that Sunhi must want you there. 

And if the invitation wasn’t enough of a sign that you should go, two days ago you got an email that the gift you had preordered for Sunhi some time ago was on its way to your place. Just in time for her birthday party. 

That’s life for you. 

You’re quick to remind yourself of Minji’s last words to you. You’re not obligated to go and if you don’t want to, then you don’t have to. But you’d be lying if you said that because you really want to go, but there’s still some things that are holding you back. Your brain starts breaking down the pros and cons of going. 

The pros: You’d get to see Sunhi again, who you missed terribly and a tiny part of you was wishing that she didn’t hate you for suddenly leaving. It’s too much to ask for, but you do hope that Jungkook had come up with something instead of telling her upfront that you had left. 

The cons: You’d have to see Jungkook. Having to face the awkwardness of knowing you had blocked his number, prohibiting him from contacting you and discussing what happened like adults would do. 

Oh, and you’d see Jiwoo too and pretend like you didn’t have any romantic feelings for her husband. 

Whatever decision it is, you’d only have two days to decide.

Jungkook smiled warmly as he looked at Sunhi twirling in her green and purple dress in front of the long length mirror in his bedroom. Ever since he got the garment in the mail, he had to hide it from her curious hands because if it were up to her she’d be wearing it day and night. 

‘‘Daddy, I look so cute!’’ Sunhi said with an excited tone, hopping in her place. The tull of her skirt followed her movements, making the glittery details sparkle brightly caused by the natural sunlight slipping through the curtain cracks. 

He chuckled, ‘‘You do, Pumpkin, but you need to settle down.’’ Jungkook placed his hands on her tiny shoulders, making his daughter’s bouncing cease. ‘‘You gotta be fully energized for the party, alright?’’ She nodded quickly, but he could still feel the excitement radiate from her. 

‘‘Gramma will do my braid, daddy.’’ Sunhi let him know once she noticed her father take a brush in his hand. The little girl much rather have her hair tangled in knots than having him attempt to do any sort of hairstyles on her. 

Jungkook pouts, but nods understanding. He’s thankful that his parents had made the trip from Busan this year. He knows his mother knew he would have a hard time setting everything up by himself this time around. His parents would normally miss Sunhi’s parties due to the distance, but he’d make it up to them by visiting the following weekend and doing a smaller gathering at their house instead. 

Things feel different. One could say that this time, everything is exactly where it should be. Sunhi’s growing older, his parents are here and not far away like usual, Jiwoo’s no longer in the picture, he’s picking back up the things that used to make him happy. There’s just a missing piece that doesn’t allow him to declare the puzzle’s finished.

And his daughter hasn’t really been helpful in allowing him to forget about it either. 

‘‘Daddy, is Auntie Y/N going to come?’’ She asked for what seemed the thousandth time that week alone. The younger girl only wanted to make sure you’re coming even though her father had reassured her that you might be making an appearance. 

Jungkook hummed, pursing his lips together, ‘‘Well, I don’t know if Auntie Y/N will manage to catch her flight in time for your party, but hopefully she’ll come,’’ he painfully lied and Sunhi nodded with a pout, she was hoping she’d get a different answer this time around, but still settles with her father’s explanation. 

Ever since you left, it had been part of her daily routine to ask about you and your whereabouts. Jungkook hated lying to his daughter, but he knew that even if he were to explain the ending of your friendship, she wouldn’t be able to understand. He had foolishly hoped that after telling her, repeatedly, that you had been out of the country because of your job, Sunhi would get the clue that you showing up at her birthday party was very unlikely. 

He can’t blame her because he’s also been hoping that you’ll show up for whatever reason. Jungkook’s aware that Minji had made no promises of you attending, but that little bit of faith he still had, clung onto you tightly. 

He’s let go of so many things recently, but he refuses to add you to that painful list. 

‘‘I miss Auntie Y/N,’’ Sunhi mumbled to herself, but Jungkook heard her clearly and his heart shattered at the longing in his daughter’s voice.

That’s why he’s relieved that she’s now running around the yard with her friends from the kindergarten she attends, screaming in glee as they all chase each other around the grass. The PinkFong playlist he had put together earlier that week has been a hit with the children, who danced and sang along to the lyrics; although some parents might’ve gotten tired of hearing the infantile music after a while. Jungkook himself is part of the people who much rather listen to something else, but it’s worth it if it means he catches Sunhi humming along to the tunes every once in a while. 

Having to entertain the parents has taken his mind off of knowing you’re not there. The party started two hours ago and you’re never late for anything, especially his daughter’s birthday celebrations. He’s settling with the idea that you’re no longer coming while he dabbles in serving food and refilling drinks, all the while having to make conversation with the parents of the invited kids. 

He can feel just how bad they feel for him, the word’s gotten around the PTA committee that he’s in the process of divorcing while taking full custody of his daughter.

‘‘Jungkook, how are you doing?’’ One of the invited moms asked him with a tactful tone, accompanied by a gentle smile that made him feel like a child for a mere moment. With a smile that could put anyone’s worries at ease, Jungkook assured her ─and the rest of the worrying mothers─ that he was doing just fine. 

It’s Sunhi’s day, it’s her party, a few more hours and you can cry all about it when she’s sleeping, had become his mantra as the party goes on.

‘‘What’s with the long face?’’ His mother suddenly asks him after he finishes placing the candles on Sunhi’s unicorn themed cake. 

Jungkook furrows his brows, ‘‘The unicorn’s face looks pretty alright to me,’’ he comments looking at the fondant shaped mythical creature at the top of the cake. 

Mrs. Jeon rolls her eyes, shaking her head slightly at his son’s obliviousness, ‘‘I’m talking about your long face. Is everything alright?’’ She asks in genuine concern, making him sigh as he scratches the back of his neck. ‘‘It’s not because of Jiwoo, right?’’ The woman cautiously asks, afraid the mention of her son’s ex partner might be too sensitive.

The news of the divorce had surprised his parents, but they weren’t completely heartbroken about it. They had known her for years, but it had never been a close relationship at that. His mother had made a couple of comments here and there before concerning his ex partner’s behavior, but were always overlooked by Jungkook.  

Jungkook’s eyebrows raise in surprise and he quickly shakes his head no, ‘‘I’m fine, mom. I’m just kinda tired.’’ 

For someone who hates lying, he’s been doing it a lot recently. 

His mother doesn’t seem so sure about his answer, but decides not to interrogate him any further since she knows her son has been dealing with too much recently and she didn’t want to add her nagging to the list. 

Eventually the party guests all sing happy birthday to Sunhi as she sits behind her cake clapping alongside them, mumbling the famous song as she waits for everyone to finish so she can blow the four candles out and make a wish. She closes her eyes with force, putting her hands together as the guests watch her silently mouth words out. 

‘‘What did you wish for, Sunhi?’’ One of the kids excitedly asks her, fingers curling around her arm as he waits for her to answer. 

Sunhi hmphs and turns her face away from him, ‘‘If I say it out loud it won’t come true!’’ 

Jungkook can only hope his daughter had asked for something he’s able to buy. The newest Barbie doll, a trip to the zoo, that pretty tutu she saw at the store. Anything that is at arm’s reach from him to give her. But Jungkook knows his daughter all too well, those things don’t really matter to her right now. 

Sunhi’s wish is something he can’t obtain ─ someone that’s no longer a call away from him. His daughter doesn’t know, but he’s wished for the same thing too. 

You to come back. 

The small pieces of confetti on the ground, paper decorations pasted on the wall and hanging from the ceiling of the house are enough to give away that a party had happened the day before, and that someone had been too tired by the end of it to even attempt to clean up. 

Even the thought of having to deal with all of the mess that his living room currently looks like is already making Jungkook regret not accepting his mother’s willingness to help after the party had ended yesterday, assuring her that she had done enough that day and that it was only fair he took care of the cleaning. 

Sunhi’s birthday had gone smoothly for the most part.

And as Jungkook scrolls through his phone’s gallery, smiling warmly at the small clips he managed to capture of his gleeful daughter running around the yard with her friends and the multitude of pictures his mother took of her blowing the candles of the cake out, granted, majority of them blurry, he is reminded that, although the party had been a success, the aftermath hadn’t been as pretty.

The party was over when he started hearing the first goodbyes and thankful comments of the parents for inviting them over, wishing Sunhi a final happy birthday before they took their sleepy kids in their arms. He had hoped his daughter would be drained too, despite the amount of sugar she had a few hours before. 

‘‘Auntie Y/N didn’t come.’’ Sunhi had stated, a pout on her trembling lips as she looked up at her tired father. ‘‘Why didn’t she come?’’ She asked in genuine curiosity as her eyes started glossing with tears.

Jungkook sighed, ‘‘Pumpkin, I told you she’s not in town. I’m sorry she─’’ It didn’t matter what excuse he had given her, the waterworks had begun. He hadn’t seen his daughter cry like that in a long time and for a moment, he didn’t know what to do to get her to stop. 

Even if he tried to coax her with distractions, like the number of gifts she had received from the guests or telling her he’d let her have another slice of cake if she stopped crying. He knew that what his daughter wanted wasn’t toys or food. She wanted you. And as much as Jungkook wants you just as much, he’s lost on ways to make you come back. 

Sunhi cried for what seemed like hours, his parents had even tried to cheer the little girl up by promising to take her to their house the very next morning for the rest of the weekend, to which she merely nodded as she fell asleep from exhaustion on her father’s chest. 

He envied her as he remained awake for most of the night, tears streaming down his face as guilt ate him away for his daughter’s heartbreak. 

It’s his fault after all. 

Jungkook isn’t upset you didn’t show up, you didn’t have to. Not even Sunhi could make you come back. Selfishly kissing you that night had changed the course of your relationship forever and that meant that his daughter would have to pay for his wrongdoings. 

With the absence of Sunhi, he’s reminded of just how big his house feels when he’s by himself. Ever since Jiwoo moved out, the only company he’s had is that of his daughter and it’s more than enough. With her dancing around the hallways and singing songs to the top of her lungs, Jungkook doesn’t feel as lonely.

He must’ve missed the knocking at the door or the ringing doorbell ─if there even was one─ because of the earphones he had on while he swept the confetti paper scattered on the hardwood floor of his home because by the time he opens his door to get a run around the neighborhood, he notices there’s a gift placed in his front doorstep. 

Jungkook’s brows furrow with confusion, unsure of why it was there in the first place. He’s sure Sunhi had opened all of her gifts last night, lazily and not very excited about them after her big cry, but she had made sure to leave them all unwrapped.

The medium-sized box is wrapped with a white and pink polka-dot paper, a cute golden ribbon placed right in the middle of it. Jungkook picks it up, bringing it closer for better inspection. Maybe it was from one of the kids that couldn’t make it? Although, they could’ve just gave it to Sunhi when they saw her at school again.

His eyes widen and his heartbeat races up when he reads the sticker tag with the name of the person responsible for the gift. 

‘‘To: Sunhi ♡

From: Auntie Y/N’’

His eyes scan the tag over and over again, just to make sure he’s reading the name correctly. When he manages to take his attention away from it, he looks around the street in hopes that he’d find you. 

How long has this been out here? Could he have caught a glimpse of you had he been less distracted? 

Although it feels wrong to open his daughter’s gift without her consent, he feels the urgent need to peek at what’s inside. His mind even tries to reason with himself, telling him it’s probably only a doll or a clothing item, like the other gifts Sunhi had received from the birthday guests yesterday. 

With a click of his tongue, he forgoes doing the right thing and tells himself that he’ll just wrap the gift again before Sunhi comes back from his parent’s house. 

The cute wrapping paper is thrown over his shoulder carelessly as he quickly unveils a white cardboard box, tilting his head slightly at what could possibly be inside. When he takes the top off, a soft gasp escapes his lips. 

A pink and white digital camera aimed for children lies inside, there’s decorative paper placed around it and a note inside. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, taking it delicately in his hand as he reads the words written in the familiar handwriting that hasn’t changed from all those years back in college. 

‘‘Happy 4th birthday, Sunhi! Since you’re growing older, I wanted to gift you something different this year around. Your daddy loves taking videos and I thought you should start doing it too, maybe he’ll pick his camera back up again haha. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see you blow your candles out, I hope all your wishes come true! I love you and miss you so much, 

-Auntie Y/N’’

Jungkook blinks back the tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes. He places the note back inside the box and breathes in deeply, exhaling slowly as he stares at the gift. No one but you could come up with an idea like this. It hurts him, but he smiles slightly at your thoughtfulness. 

A different feeling arises inside him as he holds the gift in his hand, looking at it like this is the sign he had been sent from above. The last thread of his string of faith. He doesn’t even think twice, placing the gift gently inside and rushing to step outside to close the door. 

He’ll go on that run, just not around his neighborhood. 

As he runs past rows of houses and stores, the voice inside his head tries to tell him that he should think rationally. There’s a reason why you didn’t show up yesterday and another for you dropping the gift in front of his house without a sound. You don’t want to see him and yet he’s running straight towards you even if he knows this is hopeless. 

He manages to shut that voice off as he maintains his rapid pace, rushing past the rows of buildings he’s familiar with and the street names he’s memorized by now. It all feels so different when he’s not behind the wheel, he usually always has to depend on his GPS to help him reach places. Your address, though, is one he proudly knows by heart. 

As Jungkook stands outside your apartment building, he stares at it with the sound of his heart drumming inside his ears. Catching his breath, he’s reminded of the many times these past few months he’s been here, with Sunhi fast asleep in her car seat at the back. 

He always pictured going up, knocking at your door, and begging for forgiveness, all for you to turn him down in the end with a gut-wrenching I don’t want you in my life anymore and a door closing on his face. That’s why he always drove away, deciding that uncertainty is better than hearing you reject him.

This time, though, nervous and unsure as he usually is when he comes here, Jungkook breathes in deep and ignores the familiar knot formed inside his stomach. 

He decides that uncertainty isn’t a feeling he wishes upon you.

[peachiimilquetea]

something angsty with tenya leaving fem reader for the event? ty! prompt: “you can’t leave me. i don’t know how to survive without you.”

“𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞. 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮.” + tenya iida

a/n: bro… i don’t really like angst without the potential for a somewhat happy ending so i hope you’re ok with the fact that it’s not completely sad. i did pull on the heartstrings quite a bit tho, i hope you enjoy! check out the event here

contains: angst (obviously), iida being heavily influenced by his family, tensei to the rescue lowkey, crying, insecurities, mentions of alcohol, ambiguous ending, miscommunication

length: 2.0k

at first things had started off small.

iida worked long hours as the work of his brother’s hero agency fell on his shoulders. he tried his best to make time for you, but it always felt like your schedules could never line up just right.

you tried to work something out, quick calls on break times and cute messages around the house to remind you of one another, but most efforts fell flat.

then things started to get worse.

long and empty nights were spent building up resentment towards the man you had married. he was always doing something, something that took precedence over the vows you made when you walked down the isle no more than three years ago.

you knew his family didn’t like you that much, feeling that a marriage for love was a waste of such a powerful commitment. a commitment that could built them an empire, and boost the rank of their hero agency, solidifying a legacy for them.

tenya defied them for you, boldly declaring that he would marry whoever he wanted and that you were in it for the long haul. you were the girl of his dreams, he said, and anything that got in the way of his happiness was not something he would subscribe to. that only made them hate you more.

so when his texts of encouragement grew shorter and more sparse, and he began to have more special responsibilities bestowed upon him by none other than his father, you knew it was on purpose.

unfortunately, it was an effective strategy to chip away at a young and unseasoned marriage.

“tenya can you please just check your schedule? i really want to spend more time with you.”

he sighed and rubbed his temples as he sat in his office. why were you bothering him with something so insignificant? you knew how important this transition of power was for the iida family, for the legacy of ingenium, but you still persisted.

he could feel the anger beginning to build until he looked in your eyes and saw the sadness brimming in them. his heart squeezed in his chest as he watched you, his wife, plead with him to spend time together. when had things come to this?

“i’ll try my best, but i cant promise anything.”

at this point, that was better than anything you could’ve hoped for.

with a kiss to his forehead you left him alone to get the heaps of paperwork he had to do, spirits lifted at the prospect of spending time with him again. just like the way it used to be.

you checked the time on the microwave for the 9th time. fifty-seven minutes had passed and your husband was officially late.

you should have seen it coming really, empty promises were becoming more and more common amongst the two of you. he would promise to try harder and you would promise to cut him more slack, the constant push and pull never being enough for either party.

getting up from the barstool at your kitchen island you made your way to the wine cooler to get a drink. not even bothering to pick up a glass you slumped on the couch, kicking off your shoes and splaying yourself out, just wanting the cushions to swallow you whole and dull the aching in your heart.

he wasn’t coming.

he was never coming.

you laid passed out on the couch when iida finally came home 2 hours later. he was only stopping by for a quick break, then going back out on patrol and he completely forgot about the things he said, smiling through tired eyes as he thought, this time i’ll make it up to her.

at the very least he could clean you up and tuck you in. he could brace himself for the impending fight later, but he was concerned about you. you never drank, not unless there was something wrong.

iida easily hoisted you up over his shoulder, discarding the various wine bottles and taking you to your shared room, although he wasn't sure if it was still considered shared anymore.

he laid you on the bed softly, changing you into one of his old shirts. his fingers ghosted over your cheek as he watched you sleep, the reality of where he was sitting heavy on his heart.

he loved you and yet there was nothing he could do to help at this moment. he had to leave for night patrol. he had to leave you.

his gentle touches roused you from your sleep and your eyes felt heavy as you tried to blink them open.

“you came?” you breathed, voice sounding foreign even to yourself.

iida gave you a small smile, “im sorry.”

your demeanor did a 180 at his apology. he was sorry. he was always sorry. but sorry couldn’t fix this. not when it had been so broken.

you winced and sat up, “sorry for what? sorry that you broke your promise for the thousandth time or sorry that you’ve been such a shit husband for the past few months?!”

“______-”

“no tenya. you do this every single time! every time i want to spend time with you theres always something more important! what could be more important than your wife?!”

“______ you know my father-”

you laughed bitterly at the mention of his dad. he always had to be such a good little iida child, always on daddy’s beck and call. it made you sick.

“your father doesn’t even want us to be together! cant you see that he’s doing this on purpose! youre a grown man! not a child permanently tied to his mommy and daddy!” you spat

“hes giving more responsibility for the sake of the agency! for the ingenium legacy! why are you always so selfish when it comes to these things?”

“selfish? selfish?” you asked, incredulous. you couldn’t believe your ears.

“yes selfish. do you know how much i sacrificed to be with you? how much i already have on my plate on top of trying my best to make time for you?”

you stared in astonishment.

sacrifice?

what had he sacrificed for this relationship? he got to do what he wanted, come and go as he pleased with virtually no regard for how you felt or what you did. what sacrifice was there in that way of living?

“fuck you, tenya.”

tenya took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face. he chose his words carefully before finally saying, “i cant do this. im leaving.”

you could hear a pin drop in the room. you felt your blood pound in your ears as you stood up quickly, dizzy from the alcohol but still trying to process the words you had just heard.

leaving?

“youre leaving?”

“yes, i have to go. im not doing this with you, not now.”

your heart felt like it had been smashed by a sledgehammer, as you tried to regulate your breathing. leaving. he was leaving.

“w-wait,” you feebly attempted to cling onto him as he gathered a few of his things.

“tenya you cant leave me.”

“_____ i do not want to do this right now,” he sighed, easily shaking you off and moving to collect more things. his words were buzzing around on the inside of your skull. he was leaving.

leaving without so much of a second thought. he had been planning this. still unsteady on your feet you hobbled after him as quickly as possible, desperation taking over every fiber of your body. you didn't want to lose him, you just wanted your husband back, you happiness back.

“y-you cant do that! you cant leave me! i dont know how to survive without you, tenya, please-”

“_____, just go to bed. you’re drunk.”

you trailed him around the house,“no, you don’t get to decide when this is over. i'm the one whos been hurting for months you cannot just leave me by myself.”

iida spared you one last glance before grabbing his bag, “goodbye, _____”

crushed, you sank to your knees, leaning on the couch for support. you felt like you were dying., hell, you probably were dying. you had never had so much to drink in your life, and you were desperate to make the pounding pain in your chest stop.

you cried yourself to sleep that night, waking up to the sunlight coming through the window with a splitting headache. you felt like your skull was trying to crack itself open from the inside but you shakily got to your feet, remembering bits and pieces from your fight with iida.

you could tell he didn't come home last night; everything was exactly the way you had left it last night. the house alarm was still on, and his shoes were gone.

he actually left.

anger bubbled in your chest as you thought about what had actually happened. you would not let him get the last laugh, or be the last one left, the one waiting on him patiently to pick up the pieces after trying to keep it together. you would leave too, as much as it hurt, and show him just how selfish you could be.

in a flash, you haphazardly packed a bag with essentials and had texted your friends that you needed a place to stay for a few days. you didn’t get into specifics- your heart ached too much to relive the events of the previous night- but you told them you had reached your limit and you needed to take some time to cool off.

alternatively, iida did not sleep that night. after finishing patrols, he stayed at his brother’s apartment out of pure convenience, not feeling prepared to face you after everything that had transpired between the two of you.

the dark-haired man laid staring at the ceiling of tensei’s guest bedroom, wracking his brain and trying to pinpoint how things had gone south so fast. he wanted to fix things, but really didn’t know how. he couldn’t even tell you what was broken, let alone how to begin to fix them.

his brother had tried to give him advice after listening to the entire story, but there was only so much he could do. he knew that you were right, their father was keeping him from you on purpose, slowly making tenya think that he was in the right in an attempt to break you up, but he couldn't be the one to tell him.

tenya had to come to that conclusion himself. he needed to be the one to set boundaries and save your relationship, but from the looks of it, soon any attempts would be futile.

“_____? darling?” iida called as he came into your home. immediately noticing your missing shoes, he moved to the bedroom in a flash, checking to see if you had just moved them or something.

the room was a mess, drawers left open and clothing strewn across the bed and floor. the bathroom had been cleared of almost all your essentials, and a note was left on the dresser. gingerly, iida picked it up and read it, offering up a silent prayer that it didn't say what he thought it did.

i don't know when you'll see this, or if you ever will. if you're reading it, that means you came back home but you will not find me there.

im tired, tenya.

im tired of always being the one to extend the olive branch or bend over backwards for you.

i refuse to be in that position any longer. i love you… i love you so much it hurts sometimes because i know this isn't the way things were supposed to be. but you left, and so i decided to leave too.

if a way to fix things exists, i want us to find it, but right now i need some time to reevaluate us and what that means. i hope you understand, i know you will.

if you want to reach out, im open to talking about this further, but for right now i need to think.

goodbye.

--------

[dumbass-mha-simp]

Elliott x GN!Reader

Your New Playlist

Kinda sad? Ig angst but not actually like, bad angst yk.

1k words

Stardew Valley

Warnings: crying, mentally beating yourself over a crush, self-sacrificing but not in a death kinda way, cussing (I think like one f word), Elliott is a theater kid you can't convince me otherwise,

I wanna do a part two, would anyone be interested? I know how much us Elliott simps want fanfiction. I'm probably gonna start on it anyway lol.

Yes I actually made this playlist smh ikik, you don't have to listen to it ofc but his aesthetic really fits my music taste, at least I feel so. I write my fanfiction as gender neutral as I can but if you ever spot any mistakes I'd love to fix it!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elliott's POV

My feet took me across the path leading to Leah's house. The gentle cotton clouds stretching their wisps across the blue sky, bright enough to blind me as though it were the sun that it surrounds. The gentle new Spring breeze froze my cheeks lightly as my eyes closed to avoid the same chill from the past winter.

Fresh Spring flowers and hidden vegetables encircled her yard as I made my way to knock against the dark wood door that always seemed thunderingly loud.

Leah peaked through the window by her door before I can see her face light up and reach for the door.

"Hey, c'mon in!" She opens the door wider to let me pass through. "How are you doing?"

"If I'm honest, a little troubled." I sigh looking forlornly to the floor.

"Come sit." Leah pulls me to her table and sits in the accompanying seat. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Leah, what does it feel like to you before you admit you fancy someone?" I look up into her listening eyes before her face changes into slight shock.

"Hmmm." She brings her hand up to her chin as she ponders. "Well, you miss being around them when they're gone. You constantly find ways to connect anything back to them, like `oh they'd love this`, or `I should check up on them.` You care about their opinion more than others and you want to learn about them, even if it's the uninteresting things."

I slide my arms down onto the table, placing my head on top of them. That sounded exactly like what's happening. I had read about it a million times, falling gently in love with a close friend. Perhaps that interest to become friends was always attraction.

"I can't get enough of Y/N." I muffled through my folded arms sighing once again as I turned my head to finally look back up at Leah, the light stinging my eyes.

"Well maybe I could help you with getting more of them?" Leah smirked as she grabbed her phone from her pocket.

I lifted my head slightly panicked. "What are you doing?" I rushed out.

"Relax, I'm not telling Y/N. But they shared something with me. They have a wide music taste yes?"

I had heard some of their music. While they made us lunch, while they partake in their hobbies, when they hum near silently late at night on the beach. I nodded back thinking of how they never seemed to be signing along to a song similar to the others. Unpredictable, and absolutely captivating.

"Well one of their tastes in music is very folk-y and they mentioned how those songs reminded them of you. So they made a playlist of songs that remind themselves of you." Leah said looking down and scrolling through her phone.

They made a playlist about me. They actively want to remember and listen to things that remind themselves of me. I feel I might faint. Was this something that was common among friends? Was this nothing more than an act of kindness? Or something they decided to do on a whim?

"Here give me your phone I'll send it to you." She holds her hand out expectantly.

I quickly go to pull out the hardly used device. I had never had much use for it but if it could bring me any step closer to Y/N I wouldn't hesitate to learn.

Leah downloaded a music app, laughing at how I had no applications. Before leaving it opened on the playlist. "The Lonely, Ocean-Accompanied, Writer." It read. I reread it a couple times to convince myself it was real. A lovely name, but is that how they see me?

"Chill out, Romeo." Leah giggled. "I can practically see you overthinking everything. Just relax and listen to the songs, maybe they'll tell you something."

I wrapped my arms around her neck, hugging her closely before leaving to listen to the playlist.

~~~

As I shut the door behind me I pressed my back against it. I've never felt so scattered before. I looked for the volume button, turning it up before hitting play.

The songs, quiet but emotional. As though you had just lie down on the grass to cry or relieve tension or reminisce. They felt like a memory I had trouble recalling.

The songs seemed to renew me, before I heard one I distinctly remembered hearing before. From high-school theater club, a time in my life that was fond to me. I do remember Y/N telling me they loved musicals, hearing them hum along to Heathers while I wrote.

A song unlike most others on this list.

"When He Sees Me" from Waitress.

~~~

Y/N's POV

"Oh, Yoba. What if when he sees me, I like him and he knows it? What if he opens up a door, And I can't close it?" I belted out the lyrics as loud as I wanted, the tears streaming down my face unwavering.

The good side to owning your own farm is you could scream along to your songs without people to complain. You had been replaying this part of the song for awhile now. He was all you could seem to think about.

Your head was swarmed with thoughts of Elliott. Some where he reciprocated your feelings and others where he shut you out. Every time you built a daydream where he loved you unconditionally you trampled it with the thoughts of his rejection.

You brought your knees up to your chest, resting your head between them as you cried.

~~~

Elliott's POV

We had had conversations about musicals, perhaps that's why they chose this song? Maybe they thought since my school had a play of Waitress that it'd fit. But I know they liked other Waitress songs, why weren't those added? Only this one.

After that song came another, "I Hear A Symphony" one I've never heard. As the song started all I could see was Y/N. I could hear them singing along, their smile, their eyes averting to mine for the thousandth time.

Y/N was my symphony.

The powerful, breathtaking ocean couldn't compare to the awkward farmer that ran across town just to give me their best sweet pea flowers and be the first thing I saw as I left my quaint cabin.

They brought the motivation and inspiration for 8 hour writing sessions, they brought me food when they knew I'd forgotten to eat between writing the book and planning on what to write next.

They were something I could never dream of losing. I wished to live the rest of my life with their support.

If telling them my feelings means I'd lose them, then I couldn't dream of making such a selfish decision.

~~~

Y/N's POV

I trudged my way into town. After last night's crying session my eyes still felt a bit dry, if I'm honest I cried when I woke up as well. The loneliness felt suffocating in such a lonely little house. But I needed some new seeds. The stone path drawing all my attention as I walked.

As I walked into Pierre's it wasn't hard to tell that people could see something was off. After buying my seeds I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning around to find Elliott.

"Y/N are you feeling alright? You look as though you've been distressed lately." You motion to him to follow you and walks out of the store behind you.

You take a deep breath as you start to tear up a bit more. He reaches for your face as he lifts it up, looking at the pooling tears.

So many things, the things you could have said. But they didn't come up. Instead a vision of his face of discomfort at your confession. You couldn't bear it. You couldn't tell him.

"I've just been stressed. I'm sorry for worrying you, Elliott." You sigh, attempting to put up a fake smile as you wipe your eyes. He retracts his hand as he looks guilty. Fuck does he feel like it's his fault?

"Well I'm willing to listen to your troubles if you ever need." He also puts on a strained smile as you both part ways.

"This is for the best." They both whisper as they leave.

[six-sanctuary]

Homecoming (Will Miller x Reader)

Author’s note: I’ve never written a fic before but was HEAVILY inspired by all the amazing content @lucrezia-thoughts and @charnelhouse generate (Super hope that's okay!) and wanted to try my hand at it and contribute to Triple Frontier Fr-saturday. (I know I'm a day late whoops)

Also I suck at proofreading I’m so sorry for any errors and hope someone enjoys this. Lowkey proud of myself for not being obnoxiously shy and just saving this to my desktop somewhere for eternity.

Anyways here we go no more rambling this is the fic. If I still dig it later on I might write some more in this lil universe either with Will/Reader or throw in some Benny/reader. Maybe even Santiago/reader if I can get his voice right.

Below the cut is 18+ only please and thanks!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You’d always been there, and you always would. It was the sort of realization that crept up slowly on Will. Looking back he wishes he could count the times he counted on you. He wishes he could put it into something concrete like numbers, something that he could wrap his head around, but you were there even before the numbers.

You were there before he was shipped off to war, before he had to learn to count as he breathed, in… two… three… four… five… hold… two… three… four… five…. out… two… three… four… five…. You were there before he broke and crumbled, falling into a million little pieces he didn’t know how to put back together again.

He wished he knew the number of warm smiles you’d given him. He wished he knew what number it took for him to fall in love, whether it was the hundredth or hundredth thousandth soft smile. All he knows now is that so much time was wasted, and he didn’t want to lose a second more.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You’d moved to Colorado a few months ago. It had always been part of the plan but that timeline got moved up when Will’s parents announced they were selling the house in favor of something smaller now that they were empty nesters. For a solid week, Will hummed and hawed about it, flip flopping back and forth. The thought of giving up something that was so integral to his childhood, something that had always meant home for him, was hard.

After weeks of his thinly veiled discontent, you came to a solution. After one of his talks, you sat him down in the dining room table of your apartment together and laid out the documents one by one. Rather than explain right away, you let Will take them all in, grabbing each one and skimming it before moving on to the next piece of paper.

“This is…. To buy the house?” Will’s thumbs smoothed over the paper as if in need of a reminder that they were real, that this was real. “My parent’s place?” His voice was thick with emotion, which never failed to bring it out of you. Rather than answer in words and risk your voice failing you, you nodded.

From there it was a lot of packing, a lot of hard work, but with the Delta Force boys help you two managed to get everything packed up in a hauler, ready to make the trek halfway across the country. The thought of being holed up in the car for hours on end with Benny made you the slightest bit nervous. The younger Miller was a bundle of energy and while you appreciated that most of the time, you were wary about being stuck in cramped quarters with the lightning bolt of a man. In the end the cars were split with you and Santiago taking Will’s Ford and Will and Benny driving the Uhaul.

You had a week of the gang’s help, well the gang minus Frankie. He had to head back a few days early to his wife and daughter. The others stayed, even Tom, though he was quick to point out several “serious���problems with the house that you’d need to look into. Despite that, it already felt like home. Sure it needed your and Will’s touch on the place, and a number of things had gone into disrepair as the Millers got older. At some point it had become too much for them, but it was the perfect project for a newlywed couple.

Not once did you regret it. Not when you were lugging heavy boxes up the stairs nor when you learned the roof needed to be replaced. No, each problem was taken in stride because you knew with Will by your side, you’d get through it. There was nothing the two of you could not conquer.

Soon the novelty of the new house wore off and with Benny back at his apartment down the street and Santiago and Frankie back home, you and Will fell into a quiet domesticity. You lived in pieces, your life wrapped up in boxes while you made repairs to the house.

Will, though he meant well, was not as handy as he claimed to be. After the shower incident that required a late-night call to an emergency plumber, your big Delta Force husband was relegated to the simpler tasks, or the ones that required his muscle. If a dresser had to be moved, he was your man, rolling up his sleeves and making it look easy. The same went for anything that required reaching high places (the uppermost cabinets in the kitchen were a real bitch). In the end, Will ended up spending more time turning the side yard into a garden while you turned this old house into your home.

After a month, Will had to go back to work. He’d been requested to give a speech in D.C., back to the other side of the country. As much as you wanted him to stay, you knew that this was important to him. You knew how much it mattered to him to feel useful, to feel good about what he did and so with a kiss to the cheek, you promised him that you’d have the kitchen cabinets all painted by the time he came back.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Classic rock was softly playing out of the radio you had set up on the counter. Painting was boring work, even more so all by yourself. The radio made you feel less alone and so you hummed along as you worked. Stroke after stroke of paint was rolled onto the cabinets, breathing new life into the space. It was really mindless work and so your thoughts wandered as you painted. You thought about the home, what other projects you had in mind. If you finished the cabinets quickly enough you wanted to tackle the downstairs bathroom too before Will got back.

He'd called every night but it wasn’t the same as him being here. If you were lucky, you got him on FaceTime and got to see his face light up when you appeared on his screen. Even with the small image of him on your phone he was so handsome, golden and bright. You’d called him your Apollo once, god of the sun, and he’d found that funny. Ben was picking him up from the airport tomorrow and driving him home and then you’d have your sun again.

The opening of the front door snapped you out of your thoughts, your head whipping around. “Honey?” His gruff voice was unmistakable to you. Without a second thought your paintbrush was set down, dripping slightly off the drop cloth though that was a problem for later. Your feet carried you to him, flinging yourself into his arms when you saw him standing there in the foyer. “I thought you were coming back tomorrow.” You nuzzled into his neck, breathing in the smell of him as his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. “We finished early and I wanted to surprise you.” It was definitely a surprise.

His hand moved from the small of your back to your chin, gently lifting it to place a soft kiss on your lips. “I missed you,” you breathed before stealing another. “I know.” He always knew. He knew every time he left you would miss him and he would miss you. You’d play this game and then he’d come home and reclaim you. One kiss turned into two, which then turned into three and four. Your hands moved to his short blonde hair, moving to the back of his neck to pull him closer, ever closer.

Leaving his bags at the door, you two tangled, desperate for contact, desperate for two to become one again. He picked you up, something you’d normally protest as your feet worked just fine, but instead you let him carry you up the stairs, deeper into your home, to your bedroom.

With a playful grin he tossed you onto the bed, nearly chuckling at the way you almost bounced. His amusement only lasted a moment before lust and his need to have you took over. He descended on you on the bed, lips crashing into yours for a heated kiss as his tongue grazed against your lower lip. He was everywhere at once, overwhelming all of your senses as his name repeated over and over in your head like a mantra.

Will… Will… Will…

His large hands held your wrists above your head, somehow managing the dichotomy of being gentle but firm, while his lips retraced every curve of your skin. Every time he came back the routine was the same. Will wanted, no needed to learn you again, to cover every soft spot that made you sigh to ensure you were the same as when he had left. He needed to know and so he kissed you, his trimmed beard tickling as he slowly made his way down your body earning soft moans along the way.

He only left your wrists when he got to your legs, separating them and placing one over his shoulder as you laid back on the bed. There he paused, looking down at you so bare and exposed and wet beneath him. It was hard not to move under his gaze. “God you’re so beautiful.” You felt heat rise in your cheeks as you whined out his name. He placed a less-than-chaste kiss on your inner thigh before moving closer, breathing in your heady scent. Licking your folds, he let his tongue circle your clit, smirking at the sounds leaving your lips.

He knew your body like the back of his hand and it took no time at all for him to bring you to that peak of pleasure. Closer and closer, more and more you felt your body respond to him, your hips rolling up against his tongue, hands fisting in the sheets or his hair whichever was closer. “C’mon baby,” he coaxed, slipping a finger into your slick heat, curling it to stroke the soft spot that made you cry out and shudder around him.

“That’s one.”

And you knew your husband would follow through with another. He collected your orgasms like some collected baseball cards, counting each and every one. No night ended with just one, leaving you spent exhausted and so satisfied at the end.

Wiping the wetness from his face, he kneeled next to you, watching as your breathing rate came back down, waiting for the sign that he could have you again. As you blinked the haze away, his hands trailed up and down your side, drawing absent patterns against your soft skin. The look in his eyes of restrained hunger made your mouth go momentarily dry, reigniting the flames of passion within you. Propping yourself up on one elbow, you used your other hand to reach for him, pulling him over you.

It was all the encouragement he needed. After tossing his shirt away, his calloused hands move to your thigh, hiking it up over his hip. You had only a moment to take in the sight of him, the well-toned muscle, the scar on the left side of his stomach, before you two crashed together once more. Your hips ground against the hard bulge in his pants, leaving a dark patch in the denim. You needed more, more friction, more him.

He pulled away only long enough to unbutton his pants, kick off his boots and rid himself of the rest of his clothing. Standing at the edge of the bed, he stroked his impressive length a few times as he admired your naked form. Then the wait was too long and crawled over you, lining himself up and so agonizingly slowly pushing himself into you. You tried to be still but it seemed your body had something else in mind as your legs wrapped around his waist pulling him ever closer.

“Someone’s eager,” he breathed, both of you knowing full well that neither of you had the patience to wait much longer. Pressing his lips firmly against yours, he moved, hips snapping into you at a quick pace, his size stretching you in ways no one else ever could. Your body molded to fit around him, your leg wrapping around him once more in an effort to guide him ever deeper. He bottomed out in you before pulling out and pressing into you again and again and again. Each motion put stars behind your eyes, the fireworks building to another crescendo.

You felt him get closer, the rhythm of his hips losing itself as he continued to thrust into you, hips stuttering as the pleasure overwhelmed. “One more honey, I know you have one more.” His low throaty growl in your ear was enough to push you over the brink, your hands clamoring for purchase on his back and shoulders as you cried out once more. Your core clenched down on him and it took only a few more hurried thrusts before you felt his hot seed shooting into you as he let out a low grunt.

His forehead rested against yours as he remained where he was, not wanting to pull out of you just yet. A thin sheen of sweat covered the both of your bodies and despite that you didn’t think either of you were finished quite yet. You had a full week of time apart to make up for. Will pulled his head back from your forehead to give you another soft kiss, this one lacking the passion and lust but more than making up for that with the love and affection he poured into it. “It’s good to be home.”

[thosewickedlovelies]

An Ode To Marcus Moreno’s Arms

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x GN!Reader

Rating: Mature

Summary: You’re a training specialist in swordsmanship at Heroics Headquarters, so you see a lot of Marcus Moreno.

Tags: Reader has a vivid (sexual) imagination, but there’s only a few brief sections.

Word Count: 2,272

A/N: This started out as an ode to his arms, but his arms are connected to the rest of him, so. Alternative title: In Appreciation of Marcus Moreno

My assumption/headcanon of his powers are telekinesis, plus general exceptional physical prowess and weapons skills? Idk, we weren’t given much, but those feel like solid abilities for someone implied to be the super among super heroes. Idk what this is but I regret nothing.

More content/worldbuilding set in this universe 💗

--

Marcus Moreno’s arms were capable of many things.

You knew this because you saw them on an almost-daily basis. You were one of the training specialists at Heroics Headquarters, one of a large, ever-expanding staff of instructors who were experts in their respective fields of combat or weapons. Your job, essentially, was to be a superhero minus the powers- and use your abilities to keep the Heroics in top form.

Your expertise was swordsmanship, which meant you spent more time with Marcus than any of the other heroes. All of the physical trainers and specialists sparred with the Heroics in mock villain showdowns, but you also helped them hone specific skills. You were here because your skillset and abilities matched Marcus’s.

So you’ve had plenty of opportunity to behold his arms at work.

One would think that they’d be most enticing mid-action, but it was a cosmically ironic fact that there was never really a wrong moment to ogle. How that man could make merely unsheathing his swords so erotic was beyond you.

But by now you’d seen it from every angle. You were as familiar with Marcus’s technique as you were with your own, and knew well the cycle of muscle contractions which rippled up his whole body. It started with his legs: setting his stance, primed and poised on the balls of his feet. Then every muscle in his torso, his clinging t-shirts sliding over taut flesh as they rode up with the lifting of his arms- his arms. Biceps suddenly incredibly present and visibly straining past barely-existent sleeves, tendons flexing rigid and obvious, a tangle of pathways you wanted to map with your tongue.

This show was best when he had started his day with tactical theory sessions, because then his expressive face got involved. Oh yes, it wasn’t enough for him just to be built the way he was, his face had to go and be attractive as well.

Tedious strategy debates with Miracle Guy during these sessions never failed to get under his skin- you could always tell how much steam Marcus had to let off based on the clench of his jaw. Or the way he’d drag his bottom lip over his teeth, nostrils flaring in an almost-snarl. When that happened you knew he gripped the hilts of his swords a little tighter, because you’d see the ridges in his wrist dip and pull like piano strings perpendicular to the line of his gloves. The blades would sing little sharper on those days, his arms freeing them in a jerk rather than their usual smooth, deliberate slide.

It was amazing you ever made it beyond unsheathing your weapons.

But oh, were you glad you did, because watching Marcus Moreno fight was truly a treat. The control he had over his body was remarkable; even when his limbs flung and stretched, they were to ready to contract again at a second’s notice. “Fight” was really too limited of a term for it- Marcus manipulated his body in an incredible harmony of mind and muscle, using his weapons- including his telekinesis- as extensions of himself.

You wondered sometimes how fine his control over his telekinesis was- if he could use it on himself. If he did use it somehow to give his blows that devastating extra speed and strength.

It was easy to understand, after witnessing him, why battle is often described as a dance.

On particularly ruthless training days, his tan skin would gleam with sweat. It would bead and trickle along the pulsing veins in his arms, drawing your attention even more, and salacious scenes would flash behind your eyelids: those same glistening forearms visible in your peripherals as they box you against a wall, that same intent glitter in his dark eyes as they come closer and closer, breathless, his chest heaving into yours-

You never let on to any of this though. You were a master of the blade, and had trained too thoroughly to let the appearance of an opponent get to you. Besides that fact, you would never do anything to risk your place with the Heroics. Although you were an authority figure, they were still superheroes, and thus unlike anyone else you’d worked with- it made for a challenging, stimulating dynamic in which you were constantly both instructor and student.

Even outside of the training arena, Marcus’s arms were a sight.

Holding data pads or writing utensils as he led the Heroics in discussions of group tactics, deftly manipulating characters onscreen or scribbling things on a whiteboard. Sometimes he would go to these sessions straight from physical training, and the cooling sweat on his skin would raise goosebumps all along the smooth flesh.

You observed how gently his arms could move in yet other circumstances.

Training specialists often joined in when the Heroics were given new gadgets to play with. And although these days tended to be slower, they still made you sweat. Watching the caution with which Marcus handled the gear at first, the slow care he reserved for things with which he was still becoming familiar. The precision and that control he always kept- even when his frustration slipped out in the form of snarky remarks, he was always conscious of his movements. As he gained confidence, the surety would return to his motions, his shoulders squaring in quiet triumph- his broad, broad shoulders, which you had imagined far too many times propping up your thighs while his hands and mouth were otherwise engaged between them.

You wondered if Marcus would treat your body like something new he had to master. If his hands would probe and caress with the same thoroughness. If the same wicked delight would steal over his features as he learned how best to coax you toward his desired goals; if his fascinated smirk would change after the thousandth time he had taken you apart.

It didn’t help that these sessions highlighted that he was a kind, competent teacher. His teammates exasperated him sometimes, but Marcus was the first to step in when one of them was struggling. A light touch to rearrange their stance, an encouraging word or smile. If you hadn’t personally felt the power thrumming under his skin, you would have never guessed that such a soft man was capable of his immense abilities.

Occasionally you had to remind yourself not to get all dopey-eyed when he was instructing the kids. If you thought he was patient with the adult Heroics, it was nothing compared to how he interacted with their younger counterparts. Equally firm and joking in turn, he taught them every trick he knew while desperately hoping they would never have to use the knowledge.

Some days were easier for him than others- the times they practiced with weapons could have unexpectedly diverting consequences. Marcus let Guppy hold his katanas, once- she was fully capable with her shark strength, but the vision of the diminutive girl brandishing swords that were taller than she was, her face aglow with a ferocious grin, had all the others in fits.

You swore he was suppressing laughter himself as he carefully took them away from her. His hands, already distracting enough, looked comically vast compared to hers as he delicately maneuvered them to pluck the swords from her grasp. Something about the sight of his thick fingers, resettling themselves around the hilts with reflexive ease, made your mouth dry.

His fingers squeezed other things, too, and it made flames leap low in your belly every time.

Lime wedges, on the rare occasions he indulged in drinks stronger than wine at the Headquarters bar. His friends’s shoulders, in affection and farewell, after relaxing with them at said bar following hard days. You longed to be one of those who Marcus slung an arm around in jest, a laugh shaking his shoulders and sparkling in his eyes. Would his skin be as warm as it was while swinging a weapon? What would his body feel like softened in mirth, instead of vibrating with focus?

You didn’t blame him for his more formal attitude during work hours. His days were busy, and you rarely saw him off the training mats. You had shared a few evenings with him on nights when the bar was quieter, though. He was perfectly friendly, treating you just like anyone else he was getting to know.

Tonight was one of those quieter nights, but you didn’t do more than cast a quick glance at the small group sitting in the corner before slumping to the bar. You were worn out today, and just wanted something strong and solitary before going home.

You sighed into the numbing wash of your drink, your eyes drifting shut. Nobody would bother you this evening; it wasn’t that kind of atmosphere.

Except- the barstool next to yours scraped against the floor.

You inhaled deeply, preparing to politely rip into whatever idiot was assuming you needed company- only to have the words struck off your lips by the apprehensive brown eyes of Marcus Moreno.

“Hey,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry to bother you. You can tell me to march right back to my table if you like, but uh, I just wanted to see if you were all right. After today.”

You could see that he genuinely meant it- he was perched only partially on the barstool, ready to take off again if you said the word. But his gaze was curious, concerned.

You brow furrowed. “After today?” you echoed, too caught off-guard to think of anything else. What could he mean? Nothing special had happened today. He’d disarmed you, sure, but it wasn’t the first time that had occurred in the eight months you’d been working with him.

Marcus shifted uncertainly. “You just seemed...tired. Reflexes slower than usual,” he noted wryly. “And, well. We have matching bags.” He pointed to his face, where dark shadows were visible beneath his eyes. He offered a self-deprecating, tentative smile, conscious that he was treading in new territory.

It takes you a minute to process. In all the time you’ve spent observing his fighting techniques to perfection, you’d never considered that he could have been using those same opportunities to observe you. It provokes a funny feeling in your chest, twisting your breath up in your lungs like tangled ribbon.

“Oh,” you murmur, surprised but unoffended by his mention of the bags under your eyes. “Well...I am tired today, I guess.” You took a sip of your drink, gauging his interest, hesitating before continuing. “My sister broke her hip, so she just moved in with me for while she heals. It’s been...a stressful transition,” you admitted.

He angles himself toward you, attention fully committed and eyes widening in sympathy. “Oh gosh, that’s terrible. Do you need some time off? I can clear it with the boss for you, work with Santino for however long you need.” He seemed to straighten up, as if ready to spring away and take care of it the moment you answered.

“No, please,” you chuckled in appreciation of his earnestness. “I might need a few shorter days, but neither of us need me fussing over her 24/7.” Both you and your sister were strongly independent. It meant that you had often been at odds when you were younger, but you were all each other had now, and had made efforts to improve your relationship.

Marcus nodded in understanding, settling again. He seemed at a loss for if he should leave or say something else, so you made the choice for him.

“Tired of getting your ass kicked in my lessons, Moreno? You know Santino doesn’t work you as hard.” Your fellow swordsmanship instructor was slightly younger, a newer hire who was still a little bit in awe of the Heroics.

You didn’t usually speak so flippantly to him, but his eyebrows arced high at the challenge, a smile tugging on his lips. “Sounds like somebody needs a reminder of who kicked whose ass today, ma’am.” Rolling right along with your apparent newfound playfulness.

You pinpointed, suddenly, what was different about him tonight, why this interaction felt different compared to your others. There’d always been an air of deference about him before, as if even outside of the arena he considered you a superior. But tonight he was just treating you like a peer, a regular person. Maybe it had taken your excessively dragging day for him to come to terms with the fact that you were a regular person, but the ice finally felt like it had broken between you and you just...talked, after that. For longer than both of you probably intended.

“Shoot, I have to go get Missy,” Marcus realized, catching sight of his watch. “But you- you’ll be here again? I mean, I see you here a lot.” He stumbled over his words.

Did he? It was true that you were often at the bar at the same time, but for him to acknowledge that meant that he actually noticed you. Remembered your presence.

“Yeah, I’m here pretty regularly,” you confirmed, cautiously hopeful.

“Good. I mean, I’ll see you, then- next time.” His voice rasped low, but there was a nervousness in his expression. He twisted his jacket between his large hands.

He wanted to see you again. “Yes.” You smiled at him, surprise and pleasure shining through. “I’ll see you next time,” you said with conviction.

His eyes crinkled in answer, and your breath caught. Your ordered yourself not to watch him leave the room.

You drove home with a quiet grin on your face.

[safertokiss]

There’s No One Else

A/N: Heyooo! I loved this request so of course I had to write something for it. It’s my first MGG fic, but it was super fun to write and I plan to do more fics for his other roles. Thanks for the support and all the kind words!<3 P.S. I decided to try out 2nd person in this one.

Request: “Can you do an angst/smut with Matthew but it's the set of criminal minds and they are shooting a scene and reader likes Matthew but she is keeping it a secret? sorry if that didn't make any sense. I love your writing!!” ( @victomizedbyreginageorge )

Pairing: MATTHEW GRAY GUBLERx FEM! READER

Category: SMUT, slight angst, and of course fluff

Word Count: 5.2k

ENJOY!:)

~~~

MASTERLIST

~~~

Ever since you were a child, you knew that you were destined to be on the set of a production studio, surrounded by the biggest stars the business had to offer. Granted, you had always assumed you’d be the one in front of the camera rather than behind, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers in this world.

 It’s not that you disliked being Khalia Dark’s assistant. She was a world renown celebrity, loved by all who were graced with her presence, from afar that is. Anyone who had the “honor” to get up close and personal with her, yourself included, knew she wasn’t the sweetest of the bunch. If you were to use your own words, she was a mythic bitch. Adored by millions, envied by more, which was pretty much the case for all of the A-listers out here anyway. Although you could do without the woman being in your vicinity, you didn’t mind being her servant most of the time.

More often than not you were certain she forgot about your existence all together, which usually gave you a chance to breathe for a bit. While your job brought about many positives for yourself, for example the extensive knowledge of posh coffees that you would have memorized for life, the highlight of the endeavor was without a doubt the exclusive access to the extravagant movie and TV sets that the queen bee happened to be appearing in each given week. Today, much to your excitement, was one of those days. Usually movies were more her forte so it was always a nice, refreshing change when she booked a role for the small screen. 

Her newest conquest in the industry just happened to be one of your favorite shows to have ever aired, Criminal Minds. Of course you were trying to remain professional, but it became increasingly difficult the closer you got to the studio lot’s entrance. The child in you was screaming with joy at the prospect of being there, surrounded by some of your favorite actors and actresses in the industry. You couldn’t even consider the possibility that you would get to meet Matthew Gray Gubler, the object of your affections for as long as you had been watching the show. That simply was a no go. You were positive that if at any point in time he was in your vicinity, you would simply lose consciousness, and that wouldn’t exactly be the best first impression. The further you walked onto the set, the more amazed you were. You were so familiar with it after years of watching, it just felt like a second home. After breaking out of your stupor, you quickly spun around to try and locate your boss, immediately colliding with whatever was in front of you, letting out a small “oomf”. Well. Whoever.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying atten-.”

You immediately froze mid-sentence when your eyes caught up with your actions. Fuck. This is not happening. It was him. Standing less than a foot away from you was the one and only Mr. Matthew Gray Gubler, live and in the flesh. Fucking hell.

“Hey it’s no problem, I promise. Don’t worry about it. I’m not exactly the most coordinated person on the planet either, trust me”, he said, chuckling lightly. Running a hand through his unkempt curls, he momentarily let his eyes roam your frame before seemingly snapping out of it, clearing his throat and extending one of his strong looking hands towards you.

“I’m Matthew by the way.”

You, however, were still frozen in place. Realizing how stupid you looked just standing there, openly ogling the man in front of you, you quickly met his hand, a nervous smile adorning your face. His hands were so fucking soft.

Chuckling once again, he seemed to be waiting for something.

“And you are?”

Oh shit. You hadn’t even introduced yourself yet! So much for first impressions you thought.

“O-oh right! Sorry. I'm Y/N. Ms. Dark’s assistant”, you stuttered out, entranced by the specimen in front of you. “Wow, that’s a beautiful name. Well I guess it’s fitting. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Wait a second. Had you heard those words correctly. THE Matthew Gray Gubler just called you beautiful? You must’ve been dreaming, there was simply no other explanation. But when you glanced at him he was once again trailing his eyes all over you. Holy shit. You thought you were going to implode on the spot.

“Th-thank you”, you muttered shyly, feeling the blush spread across your features faster than a wildfire in a dry forest. After your weak excuse of an answer left your lips, the two of you just continued to stare at each other for what felt like hours. Eventually you were broken out of your trance by the director calling all of the actors to their places across the lot.

“I-um-I gotta go do a scene, but it was a pleasure to meet you Y/N. I hope I get to see more of you around here.” With a quick wink in my direction, he was off in the direction of the other actors swarming to the set from their trailers. For the third time in the last five minutes you were frozen to the spot in which you stood on the pavement. What in the actual fuck just happened? He called you beautiful. He wants to see more of you. HE WINKED AT YOU. This time you felt like you were truly about to lose consciousness so you booked it to the bathroom to calm yourself. After splashing some water on your face, you felt your body temperature returning to a somewhat normal degree and decided you should probably go to the set in case the Queen of Hearts needed anything from you. 

When you approached the scene that was being filmed, you were able to deduct fairly quickly what the plot revolved around. Apparently Khalia had been hired as the episode’s damsel in distress victim, typical. She was definitely the type to rely on others for pretty much anything. That wasn’t what was catching your eye though. Even from where you were standing you could clearly see her making eyes at Matthew. I guess you couldn’t blame her, he was gorgeous, but it still made you feel so insecure. It really just served as a reminder that people like him would never go after people like you. They want the ones who count. They want Ms. Khalia Dark. In what world would someone like him want a nobody like Y/N Y/L/N? There wasn’t one that came to mind. And while this revelation was pretty damn heartbreaking, you couldn’t say you were shocked by the cold, hard truth.

Feeling like you had lost a war that hadn’t ever really even begun, you turned back to look at Matthew, deciding to make the most of however short the time was that you’d be here. However, he was nowhere to be seen. You quickly realized that while you had been distracted, the scene had switched to something else, one where Matthew appeared to be absent.

“Hey again!”

You literally jumped off the ground and let out a little yelp at the noise, you were so startled.

“Oops, I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart,” he got out between adorable giggles. Damn, this man was gonna be the death of you. Literally. If he scared you like that again, you might actually have a heart attack.

“Jesus Matthew! A little warning next time!” You couldn’t help but join in his giggling after a few seconds. Returning his gesture just made the two of you laugh even harder until both of your chests hurt like hell. His laugh was angelic. Perfect. Just like him. For some reason, after you guys had calmed down a bit, you noticed him once again looking you up and down, admiring your body. You even swore you saw him lick his lips. You must be imagining things. Weird. Very weird. Bringing his wandering eyes back to yours, a goofy grin was plastered across his face. You hadn’t even realized you were biting your lip until he reached towards you, dislodging your teeth from the soft skin. “Don’t do that,” he said with a much more serious expression adorning his features. Before you really had the chance to decipher what had just happened, a loud voice cut through the air directed towards you both, causing you to put a bit of space between the two of you. You were able to easily recognize the sultry voice as Shemar’s, turning towards him, a smirk on his face.

“What’s going on that’s so funny over here,” he questioned before his attention shifted to focus solely on you. “My, my. And what’s your name sugar?” You were starstruck for what felt like the thousandth time that day, standing there with your mouth awkwardly hanging open.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. I work for Kahlia, her assistant actually. Nice to meet you”, you answered brightly, a polite smile gracing your lips.

“Trust me, the pleasure is all mine sweetness”, he concluded with a wink. While the action was endearing, it had nowhere near the same effect on you as Matthew’s did. You had always adored Morgan on the show, but you didn’t really know Shemar well enough to have any serious opinions about the dude. Matthew, however, you knew everything there was to be known, from his haunted treehouse to his love of Halloween. You weren’t proud of your obsession, but you couldn’t deny the unbelievably strong attraction you had for the man to your left. Regardless, the interaction caused a blush to spread, though this time it was caused more by being flustered rather than speechless. 

You were about to say something else to try and salvage some of the pride you had just lost, but you were beaten to the punch by Romeo himself. 

“Nothing’s happening over here actually, Shemar. I was having a private conversation with Y/N and I’d appreciate it if you let us get back to it. Thank you.” Matthew’s voice had picked up an edge and his eyes were dark. Like really dark. Although the situation was super uncomfortable and kind of unsettling, considering how feral he looked, you couldn’t help to think about how HOT it was. How hot he was.

“Woah, sorry kid. I didn’t mean to interrupt, just thought I’d introduce myself.”

Seeming to notice his mistakes, Matthew’s eyes quickly returned to their normal color and he stuttered out an apology, with slightly labored breaths.

“No, no I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean to snap like that, just been kind of on edge today”, he said, darting his eyes towards you quickly before redirecting his attention and clearing his throat.

“It’s all good Pretty Ricky, I get like that sometimes too. I’ll catch you guys later. It was nice to meet you Y/N”, he spoke before turning and retreating in the direction of the cast trailers. Shifting your focus back to Matthew, you could tell he was still a bit tense. You gently placed your hand on his shoulder to grab his attention, quietly asking if he was ok.

“Hmm what? Oh, um yeah. Yup. I’m-I’m good. All good. Like I said just a little on edge today. I haven’t had enough coffee”, he hastily responded. Before you could push further, the silence was broken by a shrill voice you were too familiar with, Khalia, unfortunately calling for your assistance at one of the most inopportune times. You turned back to him and gave a sad smile.

“See you around,” you asked, with just a little too much excitement laced in your voice.

“Y-yeah. Of course!” He seemed to have perked up a bit and gave you a wide grin. With a small wave, you were off to do whatever in God’s name the queen wanted from you now.

~~~

The week you were on set was surprisingly going by pretty damn quickly.

As much as you were anxiously awaiting the end so you could be free from Khalia for a bit of time, you couldn’t help but lament the fact that you would have to leave what felt like your second home. You would have to leave Matthew. That’s what hurt most of all. The two of you had become quite close in the short time you had been on set. Well, maybe not close per say, but comfortable? Sure. You guys were comfortable with each other, maybe a little too much on your end. Since that moment with Shemar and his outburst, the tenseness never seemed to dissipate completely. The two of you had shared some quick glances while he was filming a scene or while you were navigating the complex maze that was this sound stage. Whenever the two of you were near each other, he always appeared to go out of his way to get some kind of contact with you, whether it was his shoulder rubbing against yours or his fingers brushing yours as he passed by you. You, still in the mindset that someone as amazing and talented as him would never want anything to do you with you, didn’t really think much of his actions, simply playing them off as accidents and coincidences. 

Although you caught him staring at you on more than one occasion during your time there, you definitely spent the majority of your time ogling the fine specimen. You didn’t understand how a person could be so perfect. Seemingly no flaws. Sure, you had known pretty much every fun fact about the man when you had arrived on set a couple days ago, but now that you had spent some time with him, you were even more enamored. Matthew was an enigma and you wanted him. So fucking bad. Unfortunately, so did basically every other girl on the planet. You really shouldn’t be wasting so much time thinking about him, but at this point you were just in too deep. Watching him do his thing on the sound stage was like watching your own personal exhibition, so much talent pouring out of him he shouldn’t have even been allowed to do what he does. The world would certainly be a lot darker without his geniusness though so you supposed it was ok. As the scene you had been watching came to a close, you decided you really wanted to talk to Matthew again, missing the sound of his velvety voice as he focused on you and only you during the few conversations you’d gotten to have so far. Just as you were about to reach him, though, Khalia appeared out of nowhere directly in front of him with the same look in her eyes she had given him your first day on set. Hunger. You didn’t really know what to do now so you just kind of stood there watching the interaction. The conversation was just out of range, but you could tell she had said something that had made them both laugh. You also watched her place her hands on him in a very flirty way. And much to your dismay, he didn’t seem to be that bothered by it.

You knew that you had absolutely no right to be jealous of her advances, seeing there was nothing between the two of you, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt. You had known all along that he didn’t have those kinds of feelings for you, but the cold, hard truth being presented on a silver platter right in your face sucked. A whole hell of a lot. Deciding to leave the two of them to enjoy their moment, you turned and made your way to the snack table on the opposite side of the room. As you got closer, you noticed Shemar lingering around it, seemingly snacking on something among the array of treats presented on the table.

“Hey. Nice to see you again”, you said with a small smile, alerting him of your presence.

You had gotten a bit closer to him over the last few days, getting to know more about him, rather than just his character. He was a really nice guy. Very charming, much like his TV counterpart. 

“Y/N! Hey! How are you today?”

“I’m ok. Not one of the best, but hey I’m alive I guess”, you said with a sad smile. Worry quickly spreading across his face, he pulled you into a hug, gently caressing your back.

“Hey don’t say that babydoll. It might not be the best of days, but everyday is worth living in my eyes. We’re all so lucky to be given the chance to be here so why not say fuck it and make everyday a party.” You pulled away from him chuckling at his words, feeling slightly better than you had before. You were grateful for Shemar helping you out when you needed a mood boost.

“Thanks Shemar. You sure know how to make a girl feel better.” 

“Anytime baby girl”, he said with a wink, making you giggle again at his silly nicknames and behavior towards you. A little bit more at ease, you let your eyes survey the room real quick, eventually landing on Matthew. A very angry and annoyed looking Matthew. He was staring directly at the two of you, his hands balled into fists at his sides, his breathing heavy, his eyes as dark as could be. Less than a minute later, he turned around and stormed off in the direction of what you assumed was his trailer. Quickly focusing on Shemar again, you excused yourself and then immediately ran off in the direction he had headed just moments before.

You were able to locate the trailer simply labeled “MGG” fairly quickly and you cautiously approached the steps leading up to the entrance. Would he even want to see you? Why were you special enough to even be this close to his trailer? Before you could second guess yourself anymore, you speedily climbed the steps and knocked on the door, an action based solely on the fact he was without a doubt upset about something and apparently it was your fault to some degree.

You heard some rustling behind the door before his voice rang out.

“Who is it?”

Shit. He sounded really upset. Pushing aside the anxiety bubbling in your chest, you decided that you were curious more than anything and wanted to know what you had done to get his panties in such a twist.

“I-It’s Y/N.”

Immediately the door swung open, making you jump slightly. Without saying a word, he grabbed your arm and dragged you over the threshold, handling you like a rag-doll. Once you were inside he released your arm and began pacing around the trailer, breathing pretty heavily. Maybe it was a mistake coming here. You thought you should probably go and leave him alone for a bit so he could cool off.

“I-I shouldn’t have come here. I’ll leave you be”, you sputtered out, quickly making your way towards the exit. However, before you could even reach the door, his deep voice echoed through the trailer.

“Why did you let him touch you like that?”

You froze mid-step, unsure of how to respond. “Huh?” Wow, nice going Y/N. Really scraped the dictionaries for that one.

“Shemar. Why did you let him put his hands on you and touch you like that?” As he spoke his question, he slowly moved towards you, like a predator eyeing its prey. What was he talking about? Why did he care that you and Shemar had shared a brief hug? And most perplexing of all, why in the hell was he looking at you with such fire in his eyes.

“I-I don’t know what you mean Matthew.”

After his name fell from your lips, you saw his mouth twitch as he moved to close the gap between the two of you, leaving just enough space that your breaths intermingled, but no actual physical contact was occuring. 

“You’re mine, Y/N. You. Are. Mine.” What did he just say? Were you imagining this whole situation in some sick dream of yours? Your brain was struggling to catch up.

“What are you even talki-.”

Before you could finish your sentence, Matthew had surged forward, clashing his mouth against yours, hungrily devouring your lips like they were his favorite meal. You moaned at the contact, letting the shock envelope your entire body. He was ravenous, tongue pressing against your lips, begging for entry. Finally processing what the hell was happening, your mouth quickly opened and welcomed his needy tongue, feeling it tangle with yours as he released the most delicious moan you had ever heard in all the years you had been alive. His hands moved frantically, hastily ripping at the clothes covering your body, desperate to feel any part of you that he could. 

You couldn’t even comprehend how this was happening. Matthew wanted you? Not only did he want you, but he was acting on it too. Fuck. He had said you were his. Did he really mean that?

Breaking away from your lips to pull your blouse over your head, you could’ve sworn you heard a growl escape his throat as his eyes hungrily drank in your appearance, left only in your bra and panties. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous. How are you so fucking hot?” Holy shit. The pure lust that dripped in his words made your legs feel like Jell-O, barely keeping it together as he shed his own shirt and began unbuckling his belt. Apparently that was what caused the wire in your brain to snap, your body surging forward to reconnect your lips and rake your nails down his chest.

“Please Matthew”, you whined, not even entirely sure what you wanted him to do. You just needed more.

Groaning at the desperation evident in your voice, he let his hand drift down your body, toying with the waistband of your panties. “Please what? What do you want from me, sweetheart?” His words made you whimper, grasping his hand to try and maneuver it underneath the damp fabric covering the place you needed him most.

“Uh uh uh. I want you to use your words princess. You can do that for me can’t you?”

Nodding your head fervently, you pushed aside any embarrassment you felt and answered almost immediately as the words left his mouth. “I want you to touch me! Please Matthew, I’m begging you!” As soon as you finished your desperate plea, his nimble fingers had ripped your panties down your legs and he was guiding you towards the couch conveniently located nearby. The two of you stumbled onto the cushions, Matthew hovering over you pinning you down, his large erection pressing into your thigh through his pants. You choked on a breath as one of his long, narrow fingers entered you swiftly, pumping in and out of you at a brutal pace, soon followed by two more. You were a whimpering mess as Matthew had his way with you, perfectly curling his fingers to hit your special spot over and over again. You needed him inside of you now or you were gonna explode.

“You’re so wet sweetheart. This all for me”, he questioned cockily, savoring the sounds pouring from your lips, cherishing the way your body writhed underneath his. 

“Yes Matthew! It’s all for you. Only you”, your words were accompanied by a long, drawn out moan. 

“Good girl”, he growled as his fingers picked up their pace, pushing you dangerously close to the edge. Matthew must have picked up on the fact based on the way your muscles were clenching around his digits and the way your breath was becoming more and more labored. 

“That’s it, baby. Come for me, little girl. Come all over my fingers.” His graphic words made your eyes roll back in your head as you felt your orgasm crash through your body, Matthew continuing his ministrations throughout the entirety of it. As you came down from your high and opened your eyes, you were met with the beautiful vision of Matthew sucking your juices off of himself, staring intently at you with lust-filled eyes. “Mmmm, so fucking sweet baby”, he moaned as he licked the last bit away. Realizing you simply couldn’t wait any longer, you grabbed onto his forearm, pulling him to you as close as physically possible. 

“Matthew I need you inside of me right now. Please. Please, I need you.” You felt like you were on the verge of crying, you were so damn desperate for him. You didn’t miss the way his eyes instantly darkened even more after hearing you beg him to fuck you so viscerally. 

“Baby, I really want to feel you bouncing on my cock. Can you do that? Can you ride me like a good girl, sweetheart?”

Not even bothering to answer his questioning, you mustered up all of your strength to push him up and off of you, allowing yourself to straddle him on one of the cushions. You made quick work unzipping his pants and signalling for him to lift up his hips, allowing you to hastily pull down both his slacks and boxers in one go. God, you were so fucking horny and needy for the man in front of you, you felt like you were going insane. Actually, scratch that. You were already long gone. Finally having removed the last barrier between the two of you, his strong hands grabbed your hips and positioned you over his throbbing cock, slowly letting you lower yourself down. Both of you released matching groans at the overwhelming feeling. 

“Fuck, princess. You feel so fucking amazing”, he moaned before gently grasping your hips, encouraging you to start moving. You couldn’t control the string of whimpers that escaped your mouth as you started circling your hips, gradually picking up your pace. It felt so fucking good, incomparible to anything you had ever felt before. As your speed increased and he began thrusting upwards to meet you, his hands reached behind you, finding the clasp of your bra, practically ripping the garment off of your body. Without any barrier blocking your breasts, he sat back and ogled you as they bounced in sync with your rapid movements, eventually needing more and grabbing the pillowy flesh with his wandering hands. The stimulation only made you move faster, desperate for the addicting friction that you could feel radiating throughout your whole being. You felt Matthew’s grip on your hips tighten exponentially, in order to get your undivided attention. 

“I bet you thought you looked real cute flirting with him like that, didn’t you princess”, he sputtered, his voice strained and hoarse. The sound of it made your insides quiver even more.

“I-I wasn’t f-flirting. I w-was just being n-nice”, you stammered, feeling your climax slowly building more and more with each thrust. He growled and immediately picked up the pace, speaking his next words clearly for you to understand. “That’s bullshit baby and you know it. Do you really think he could fuck you like this, sweetheart? Do you think his cock could fill you up this perfectly? Make you feel the way I do?” 

“N-Noooo! No, of course not. I only want you!” You were a moaning, whimpering mess as you gripped his shoulders trying to maintain your balance, his thrusts launching you into a whole other universe. “What was that, little girl? I couldn’t really hear you.”

“Fuck! Matthew! I only want you! There’s no one else!” You couldn’t control yourself any longer. You lost the ability to move as he wrapped his arms around your waist, slamming into you so fucking hard you swore you could see stars. 

“There better fucking not be, little girl. You are mine, sweetheart. All fucking mine. Mine!” His words make the chord in your stomach snap, your climax overtaking your body dangerously fast. “MATTHEW!” Your vision was spotty, muscles clenched incredibly tight, when you felt his cock start to twitch violently inside of you. 

“Fuck! Y/N! Oh my god!” As soon as the words left his mouth, you felt his cum fill you up completely, warmth radiating throughout your body as his dick pulsated inside of you. 

You collapsed against his sweaty frame, holding on for dear life. “Matthew, Matthew, Matthew”, you muttered as you fought to regulate your breathing. Both of you were shaking, thanks to the world-shattering orgasams you had just experienced, his hands gently rubbing your back, soothing you. “Shhhhhh, breathe little girl”, he whispered so warmly it made butterflies bloom in your stomach, a stark contrast to the way he was speaking moments ago. 

Pulling yourself upright, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his. After a few seconds had passed, a huge grin slowly formed on his beautiful face, letting out a light giggle. “Hey.”

Feeling a smile form on your own face from his silliness, you couldn’t help but fall for him even more. “Hi”, you shyly responded, reaching up to poke the dimple that was visible on his face, giggling when he playfully stuck his tongue out, trying to reach your finger with it. Completely absorbed in the moment, you had forgotten that he was still inside of you and you were probably hurting him, not that he was gonna complain. You slowly lifted yourself off of him, both of you wincing slightly at the sensation. He immediately pulled you back to him afterwards and continued to rub your back like he had before. It was so comforting, you were scared you were gonna fall asleep in his lap, which you pretty quickly concluded wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, noticing the way his eyes seemed to droop as well.

As you felt yourself starting to drift off, you heard his soothing voice near your ear. “I’m really sorry I got so rough Y/N. I didn’t mean to act like that. I just got so jealous seeing you with him and I didn’t know how to control my emotions. I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt.” He sounded genuinely sad when he spoke, the guilt evident in his quiet voice.

“Matthew, baby, don’t be sorry, ok? I really enjoyed every second of it, I promise. As for Shemar...you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I’ve only ever had eyes for you. You’re kind of stuck with me Gube.” You felt the chuckle vibrate through his body at your words and you lazily smiled against his chest.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” You heard him hesitate and you wondered if he was going to finish his thought, hopefully before you knocked out cold. “Would you-would you maybe want to go out with me this weekend? Like on a-a date? You felt your heart swell in your chest at his question and slowly nodded against him. 

“I would love that, Matthew.”

Cherishing the feeling of holding each other in your arms, the two of you quickly succumbed to the drowsiness, falling into the most comfortable slumber you had ever experienced.

Tag List: @hopebaker​ @pastathighs​ @psychedellic-phase​ @gloryekaterina​ @sleepysnapesnake​ @racharr​ @etherealgubler​ @furiouspartyrebelhoagie​ @andiebeaword​ @liaabsurd​ @cielo1984​ @starkeybaby​ @rainsong01​ @moonlight-jukebox ​ @victomizedbyreginageorge

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|four.

chapter four: yellow carnation

↳ flower meaning: disappointment

chapter summary: the one with the denial. 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: angsty, mentions of sex, swearing,  lol cherry 

word count: 8k

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles   three: in which y/n and Emma thought it would be a good day.

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

“So you saw Emma?” Harry asked, for the third time.

Harry and Tom were both certain they had both fucked up. Different context, same type of concept of idiocy. 

Tom was an idiot. 

Harry was an idiot. 

But Harry was more aware that Tom was even more of an idiot than he was. 

Tom thought so, too. 

That was the only thing he was certain of at the moment. He had screwed up so many times before but he really didn’t want to this time. Not that he had meant to the last times but this time he was going to make sure he wouldn’t fuck it up. 

Though, he was confused. Very, very confused. As to why he’d gotten the reaction he’d gotten. It seems ironic, even. But he had missed her. So, so, so much. 

He hadn’t realized how much he had missed her perfume. Something so simple, but so powerful. A scent he’d never be able to ever forget. 

He had imagined it differently, honestly, their encounter. He thought it would’ve been nicer or prettier. Instead, it was chaotic. Not poetic.

Tom had fucked up, he knew that. Not this one time. Well, maybe this one time. Maybe this other time, too. Had they run out of chances? Because Tom had fucked up the first time, she had fucked up the second time. 

But they’d been building up this one relationship that was so chaotic, that was so different. Maybe that’s why it had been so hard. 

Tom had been through breakups before but none of them had felt like this one, not even when he’d given her the third yellow flowers. It was so confusing, to think you’d give out your heart completely when they were just there to hurt you. He’d been hurt before but not like this. Not this breathtaking, piercing pain. Pain that didn’t go away.

Now Tom knew how it felt, how it felt to be told that your body is physically healthy but your heart is so broken that your body is bringing you down.

But he missed her too much to even think about that. He had forgiven her, in some kind of way. He knew that she’d be the medicine.

He’d forgiven her, in a way. In the way that he needed to be with her to work it out.

Though he was still nervous about it. Especially because of Tim. 

That bothered him the most. She’d run away from him. Leaving it all behind. But he had heard her. He probably didn’t have to worry, right? 

He had brought the letter. 

He had probably memorized every line by now. Probably to use it as some kind of weapon-No, they had to stop thinking of it as a weapon. But it was his backup, using her own words to get to her. 

He had read the script now. That was the only proof he needed. He thought. Because there was that constant thought in his head, Timmy. 

Tom hated Tim for many reasons, but the main one was that Tim had taken the chance TOm had let go off after that club night. He couldn’t hate him for making y/n so happy but he hated him because Tom knew that was supposed to be him. Now he hated him more because if he had proposed it meant he wanted to keep y/n forever. 

He remembered how y/n was when Tim had been around, back when they were dating. As if y/n was in some sort of charm. One single look and he’d made y/n blush, and smile. 

Tom and Harry were pitying themselves on a bar, a beer in their hands.

“Yes, I saw Emma,” Tom said.  

“Did she ask about me?”

“No.” 

Harry sighed. 

“Y/N didn’t want to talk to me, but she was--” Tom gulped. “Kind of swooning over me before she saw I arrived.” 

Harry rolled his eyes. “I told you not to go.” 

“Why not? You were going to look out for Emma!” 

“But I didn’t! Because it was stupid! It was clear they weren’t happy we were there!” Harry rolled his eyes. 

“But why not?” 

“She bloody fainted!” Harry pointed out. 

Tom chuckled, but Harry glared at him.

“I’m sorry, but it’s cause, I just… Fuck I had missed her and she looked so pretty and-” 

“Tom.” 

“I thought she’d be happy to see me!” Tom said cockily. 

Harry was getting tired of his brother. 

“I mean she technically was happy right?” Tom asked.

“No,” Harry rolled his eyes. 

“but… Why didn’t she… I thought she’d be happy we’d be directing it,” Tom pointed out. “She says we’ll end up ruining it.” 

Harry sighed heavily.. “Honestly we didn’t think this through.” 

“But it was the only way to see them,” Tom snapped. 

Harry rolled his eyes, “No it wasn’t.” 

“And fuck, okay, Emma didn’t tell me anything about Tim.” 

“Why do you care so much about him?” Harry asked.

Because he was jealous. So, so jealous. Always been jealous. Because Timmy managed to get the girl before he did. 

“He looks like some stupid Victorian boy and he’s not even hot and yet he had y/n drooling over him, and this is the fucking second time that when things are screwed with y/n he takes the chance to make her happy.” 

Harry watched him. “Huh, so you’re jealous.” 

“Yes,” Tom hissed.

“Why are you even jealous--?” 

“Because I can be, first thing she did was run back to her ex, that’s so fucking stupid,”Tom pointed out. 

“As far as I know he was the only one to reach out for her to see if she’s okay,” He said. 

Tom clenched his jaw. Well, was he supposed to reach out? But Tom hadn’t run to any of his exes, because that’s not what he was supposed to do. 

“And honestly, I think it’s coincidental, even James said it,” Harry pushed. “She didn’t run to him, Tim offered her to run away with him, she didn’t, she ran after her dream.  He’s just her roommate.” 

Tom wasn’t happy about this statement. Yes, of course he knew that but Tim was still … He didn’t want to see it. No. 

 “I—I am just angry that y/n wasn’t happy because I’ve been—dying to see her okay? It’s so stupid.” 

“You are stupid, may I remind you about Cherry?” Harry asked. 

Tom hadn’t been making the best decisions, either. The heart often fucks up especially when it's hurt. The heart tends to be louder than the mind, and it’s irrational. He hadn’t been reasoning. He regretted many decisions he had made. That last decision was haunting him, that one particular decision. 

The heart is stupid. The heart is very stupid. Tom was even more stupid. When one's heart feels lonely it tends to search for something that feels like love in places where it seems easy. Some go for drinks in a late night pub, others shut themselves from the dark. Others try to soothe the pain by trying to ignore it. Some listen to music, others ignore. We all deal with heartbreak differently, with your head under water, we all try to find our own way of trying to get out, though we truly don’t. 

Tom had reached out for love when someone had offered a trial for love, without feeling anything. A free pass, if you may. Someone who didn’t ask for anything in return because they wouldn’t give anything either. 

It’s not love, though. It’s not love. It’s not love, but it’s good enough to make the heart feel like it’s complete, to cease the crying or to change the feeling . Trying to find their faces in places where it’s less likely to see it. Something remotely close to warm the heart, something that can make us feel like we’re fooling our heart, trick ourselves into believing we’re happy. Trying to get some sort of happiness, even if it’s only a hoax for just a few hours. To make our bodies warm, and trick one’s mind into thinking it’s pleasure. He hadn’t meant it, but he really needed a reason to keep his mind off y/n, and the closest thing had presented itself. With no strings attached offered, with only that offer of blowing his mind enough to forget about his sorrow. But one must be careful with one’s lies and one must be careful because you really can’t fool the heart. 

You can’t try to mend it with something that looks like love, it’s like trying to glue it back with barely anything that can make it stick, like trying to glue something with dirt, it only makes it hurt more. When one is broken, we don’t see it, but what Tom had done with his heart had only made it worse, hurting it even more. When one is brokenhearted the heart tends to try and make it good, but this had only made it bad. 

Tom had slept with Cherry. Yes, that was the truth. It had been a mistake of a series of unfortunate decisions. 

Cherry. 

“It was stupid,” Tom said. “I… I feel so bad about it.” 

And he did. But it had been so… easy. It was so simple, so so simple. Cherry was well aware that she had been a ‘rebound’ of sorts. Honestly, she was looking for a rebound of her own. It had been their agreement, hanging out. But it seemed like one shouldn’t play with fire, playing with two broken hearts is very very risky. But you know when one is lonely and confused and angry and then the dark comes and the way that her body moved and the way that she wouldn’t hurt him, they’d come up that far. He never knew it would lead there. 

Tom had slept with Cherry. Yes, that was the truth. Tom had fucked it up the most, that was no surprise. But his mistake had only made both of them realize that it had been a clear dumb mistake. 

Tom had slept with Cherry. Yes, that was the truth. Only once, though. But there were a lot of things to consider. A friendship of two broken hearts, of two hearts that still remembered someone they loved. 

It was easy for Cherry, and it was different. 

It had been very immature and stupid. But Tom had missed y/n’s lips, y/n’s delicate fingers walking down his body, or the way that she’d smile against her neck, and the way she’d place her forehead against his.  The way he’d get butterflies when they were going after the thousandth kiss. 

Maybe that had been the closest thing he could get to.  

Tom didn’t know why he had slept with Cherry, though he hadn’t… It had been pathetic, honestly. He didn’t know why he let himself do that. Sure, at the beginning it felt fine. As a new adventure, a new person that didn’t know anything about it. But he ignored it, at first. Her flirting. He had said it was only a friend. And then they kept hanging out, more and more. And suddenly he was taking off her shirt and kissing his way down her body. 

But he hadn't stopped thinking about y/n, that had been the problem. 

All the damned time, and it gave him a lot of time to think about them, the whole idea of ‘Tom and y/n’. Y/N was crazy, Tom was an asshole. And time after time, their pride and their immaturity won, over and over. Maybe love or something quite similar to love had sentenced them to fall. 

But he missed her, and not even cold showers could make her memory go. Tom thought about it, maybe it was too stupid to even think about it. Tom and y/n. 

But her memory haunted him each night, and even if it didn’t make any sense, even if they were meant to fall, y/n was his best mistake. 

It felt like a different time, and Cherry had pointed it out. “You’re always expecting a call.” 

He did. And it didn’t make any sense, if he was trying to get over y/n, then why was y/n always in his mind? Why was he always expecting to listen to her voice? It was so pathetic, if he was starting out something new… If he was faking his happiness, why didn’t he feel happy? Why did he still miss her so much? 

And he had wanted to call, but he was too proud to do it. What would he even say? Because he never got to say goodbye, because he never got to say he was sorry. Because he never really got to say that it didn’t matter. 

But maybe ‘y/n and Tom’ wasn’t logical. 

Harry frowned. “Yeah.” 

“I’m just… She can’t know about it,” Tom said. “I’ll find a way to tell her.” 

Harry watched him, “maybe it wasn’t the best idea to direct her script.” 

“I just—I wanted to find a way back to her.” 

“If you had just listened to me,” Harry rolled his eyes. “I know y/n, she probably wanted you to show up in the rain with a thousand roses—“

“Yellow flowers.”

“Yellow flowers whatever, but she probably wanted you to stand there shaking in the rain—“

“It’s not raining—“Tom interrupted again. 

Harry took a deep breathe. “She probably only wanted you to run after her and love her and have some big romantic movie gesture, a film like moment, like the ones in her script where William runs over to her and they dance under the rain—“

“But she told me not to come here.” 

“She didn’t fucking mean it, or not… Yes, she wanted to heal but then you should’ve reached out to her!” 

“I just wanted to be a big part of her dream you know?” Tom looked away. 

Harry was so stressed about it. “I told you that if you bloody wanted to do something with her script just to audition for it.” 

“She’s not only angry about the script,” Tom said. “I know her.” 

“You know her now?” Harry scoffed 

“If I’ve learned something about her is to know what she’s pissed for and she’s not only pissed about me directing,” Tom snapped. “There’s something else bothering her.” 

Harry scoffed. 

“What?” Tom frowned. 

“You’re going to get away with it, again,” Harry pushed. 

“What?” 

“Please, Tom you’re not the one in trouble,” Harry frowned. “Can you stop talking about y/n for five minutes please?” 

“What do you mean I’m not the one in trouble?” Tom frowned. 

“Because it’s you and her,” Harry stated, as if the statement alone explained everything. 

“What?” 

Harry sighed heavily as he ran a hand through his face. He downed the beer in front of him and then turned to his older brother. “Please Tom, I’ve seen this story before it’ll only take you to make her laugh once and she’ll run back to you and she will be swooning over you that’s how you work, you fight, you bully each other,  you fucking get into a big argument, she gets angry you get cocky, you smile at her one and she’ll be on her bed listening to a song that reminds her of you and then you’ll be okay! She’ll be back in love with you into that endless cycle.” 

Tom listened and frowned. “That’s not true.” 

“Yes it’s true, she’s so deeply in love with you that it won’t matter whatever happens she’ll end up running back to you, especially now that she knows you love her,” Harrys said. “I just.. now my problem is that my ex fiancé doesn’t even want to talk to me and I fucked up with her so badly and I’m an idiot because I let the best thing that’s ever happened to me for… someone who-” 

“You have it easier.” 

“No, I don’t,” Harry snapped. “I love Emma, and I’m an idiot and… And I’m I don’t even know if y/n told her I kissed her which would only make things worse because I-” 

“Why… why did she give the ring back?” Tom asked, interrupting his brother again. 

Harry looked away. Tom had seen that Harry had avoided that question over and over. 

“Because I’m an idiot,” Harry snapped. His eyes were glazed now as he avoided his brother’s glance. “I’m an idiot because when she asked me about it… About how I felt about y/n… and I said I didn’t know.” 

Tom stayed quiet. 

“And she asked if I would’ve married her instead, and I stayed quiet,” Harry recalled, looking down. “I should’ve kissed her right there and then.” 

Tom kept quiet.

 “And—I don’t even remember how the conversation went. I just know I broke her heart because I was too confused for my own sake,” Harry admitted. 

“I dunno what to tell you, man,” Tom said. “I'm not exactly the best at—“

“And I still have to get used to this, you know? You and y/n.” 

“There’s not even anything going on,” Tom recalled. “But you and Emma have more hope.” 

“No, because unlike y/n, Emma did run away,” Harry reminded him. “Unlike y/n, Emma didn’t have a reason to leave and she searched for it, Emma did give up on me.” 

“You think it’s lost?” Tom asked. “Because I don’t.” 

“Dunno,” Harry said. “I want to test the waters and try to fix the fixable.” 

“Which is?” 

“My friendship with y/n, and I know that if I manage to win her back as a friend she’ll help me out with Emma.”

Tom sighed. “But what about--?” 

“Look, I’ll see what she says, just don’t try to ruin it, okay? If she doesn’t want to talk to you right now, don’t push it,” Harry warned. “We will see it tomorrow, how she reacts this time.” 

“How do you think she’s doing?” Tom asked. 

Girls wanna have fun. You know? Yet, y/n and Emma didn’t want any fun that night. How could they? The day had been utter bullshit. Y/N and Emma had stayed with her aunt. Y/N had left some clothes with her aunt so she could stay some nights there. And she had decided that that night was the perfect night to stay there, she didn’t need to do this to her heart. Seeing Timothée would only bring Y/N’s heart more sore. She didn’t need that. 

Her mind kept going back to Cherry, she hadn’t really addressed it, what she knew that her aunt knew the answer to. Her aunt hadn’t said anything about before, really.

But it didn’t matter that night. 

“Girls I won’t let you pity yourselves all night crying over men, alright?” Eliza said. 

Emma, laying down on the couch upside down, nibbling on the popcorn y/n had in her hands looked up and laughed. 

Y/N was on the floor, right beside Emma, too emotionally drained from the past 24 hours. She didn’t want to even look up. 

“You see,” Emma said. “I’m not crying, I’m in denial,” Emma explained. “And I can’t believe they’d show up.” 

“I can’t believe I’m still swooning over him,” Y/N said. “I don’t understand it, like… He showed up and I just wanted to kiss his entire face.” 

Eliza sat down in front of them and chuckled to herself. “Girls, you can’t be like this.” 

“It’s cause he… He dared to do this, and I’m angry because I’ve cried over him so many times in my life, and I thought I had made up my mind already that I wouldn’t… That I’d be over him, And just look at me! I’m still so...smittened, like I can’t believe that I just… I just feel this way and literally if I see him tomorrow and he fucking dares to smile at me like that again I’ll run to his arms and…I just wish I had never let him go, I  feel like an idiot for leaving, but then again, I had a reason right? I was angry and I was sad and he was too,” She rubbed her face. “But then but but… Here’s the thing,” y/n stood up. 

“Oh, god, she’s gonna monologue,” Emma sat up to lay down on the couch. Eliza gave Emma a knowing look and chuckled. 

“Emma!” Y/N chuckled. “ I don’t understand this, I can’t… I can't. Why don’t I have any self control? Like literally when he touched my face I was about to-” 

“Yes I saw, you were about to open your legs right there and let him do anything to you,” Emma pointed out. 

Eliza laughed. 

“That’s not-”Y/N blushed, letting out a shy snicker. “Emma!” 

“Please, y/n, you have no self control I know that tomorrow you’ll end up making out with him,” Emma said. “And I can't blame you because I saw him and I just wanted to forget everything and I actually imagined my life beside him and—“

“Girls—“Eliza tried to interrupt again. 

“And now I have—Flowers. Flowers?” Y/n sighed. “Pink and yellow peonies, he had to choose peonies? And now what the hell am I supposed to tell Tim?” 

Emma chuckled. “Listening to your misery y/n is making me feel better, I thought I was fucked but at least my problem is a one thing problem,” Emma laughed. 

“I hate you,” y/n rolled her eyes. “Are you still in denial or do you want to talk about it?” 

“Still in denial,” she winked at y/n. “do you have ice cream El? Never had ice cream and wine before, is there any ice cream?” Emma asked as she walked to the kitchen opening the fridge, welcomed by all kinds of organic food. But she found an ice cream, or a sort of ice cream. 

Y/N laughed. “What the hell am I going to do?” 

“Well,” Eliza sighed as she walked over and sat beside y/n, as now Emma plopped herself on the single couch as she took a big spoonful of the ice cream pint. “What does your heart tell you?” 

“Give up and go to Greece,” y/n laughed. 

Eliza chuckled, as she hugged her legs, watching her niece. Expecting her to elaborate. 

“I don’t know, you know they say time heals but I’m still hurting so much, but--” Y/N sighed. “It’s strange.” 

“Love is strange,” Eliza acknowledged. “Think of it as a-” 

“Flower?” Emma asked. 

“No,” Eliza sighed. “Think of it as if someone is weaving in your heart, and sometimes the heart is senseless, and irrational, and they keep weaving, or knitting , they knit their way to imprint in your life. That’s why they stay there.” 

“Tom didn’t knit or weave he used a bloody industrial sewing machine and then stapled himself and then industrial glued himself  and then with cement and—“

“We get the point y/n,” Emma smirked. “Tom basically owns your heart.” 

“Yeah.” 

“What I see in both of you is that both of your hearts have a surplus of love,” Eliza said. 

Y/N looked up. 

“You girls were ready to love more for more time , your hearts were prepared to stay in love for a longer time and to give them both so much love and even though the time spent with both of them left your hearts weaved so kindly...now they ripped it apart so, it’s understandable, to feel that way. Like a ripped old unused cardigan.” 

Emma sighed. “Yes, but being angry and in love?” 

“Being angry doesn’t cancel love, dear,”Eliza explained. “Whenever we get into a fights it doesn’t mean we stop loving them, you’re both angry because you still love them and want to fix this but they’re men and, though we love them, we shall always remember that they’re rather stupid.” 

Emma and y/n chuckled. “Yes.” 

“But I fucked up,” y/n said. “I should be the one apologizing to him.” 

“Yes dear, you did something wrong, and yes, you should apologize, but the first person you should apologize to is yourself. You’ve been too harsh on yourself because you made one mistake, and yet you’ve forgiven all of his.” 

Y/N looked, down thinking to herself. Maybe she had been right. 

“And you Emma,” Eliza turned to her. “You should at least let yourself feel,” she said. Emma nodded as she made her way to sit beside Eliza. “We all need a hug from time to time.” 

Both girls leaned against each of Eliza’s shoulders. 

“You know,” Emma said. “Before Harry,” she started. “I didn’t really… know love, you know?” She explained. 

Both y/n and Eliza turned to see her. Emma never really spoke Harry’s name. Y/N had probably heard Emma refer to Harry as ‘him’. Never speaking his name out loud. She never really talked about it. Y/N had probably only heard Emma say his name that same day, maybe once in a while sporadically. But never talk about the subject, never addressing it. Just ignoring it. Always going: My life after him. 

‘Him’. 

So different from how y/n always referred to Tom, and how she tried to speak Tom’s name as many times as she could 

“Before Harry,” Emma continued. “I thought love was very substantial, you know? Very… Not Splendid, just written by the book, that kind of stupid teenage love that involves kissing and wearing matching bracelets, and baking each other cookies from time to time,” Emma continued. “The kind of love that is all: oh they didn’t text back, or hey, we need to see each other every Friday. Very… not love like.”

“Before Harry,” Emma said. “I’ve never… cared about stuff, you know, I was kind of a goody two shoes with my parents, and then Harry came along and there I was telling little white lies to my parents, my friends, to Tim so I could sneak out to see him at ungodly hours, keeping secrets, and… You know my past relationships were merely… Physical, and then it was Harry, and it was just staring into his eyes and feeling the whole world was stopping, and I was swooning over him, talking about nonsense. And then hours felt like seconds, but he showed me how to stop time just so I could make him smile once more. Him and his stupid camera that he carries around everywhere.”

Y/N and Eliza watched her. Her voice had cracked as she was speaking, as if each word was taking away her life. Emma was… sad. And Emma was never one to be sad. 

“And then when I thought everything was okay, when I thought I finally could… Love and be loved by someone. And I thought, this is stupid, why do I feel like this, you know?” Emma laughed. 

“I dated way too many guys before Harry, and then I was changed, daydreaming, smiling to myself, sighing romantically. I had changed, for good. And I thought, hey, he’s just a man, you know?” Emma bit her lip. “He’s just a man,” Emma repeated. “Yet, I was… I wanted to do all the cute things, and I just initially didn’t want to give in to him, but I just simply and unequivocally fell in love with Harry, so easily, and I didn’t understand why, but I didn’t have to understand.” 

Y/N had always doubted Emma because of her first impression. Because Emma initially wasn’t the type of girl Harry would date. She was too different. Y/N was wrong.

“It was…” Emma gulped. “Perfect, and then…” She paused to look down. “They snatched it away from me, and then the man who I thought loved me for who I was apparently didn’t, and he loved someone else, someone pretty, someone smart, someone who… Someone who my own best friend said was perfect, and then I thought I wasn’t… worth it, you know? Then I felt used and I saw the girl and she just… She was perfect, and then he said it, he confirmed it, how he had indeed been in love with that girl who was seamlessly perfect. With that girl who had known him his whole life, with that girl he had always cared for…And it was that question, is there something wrong with me? Why can’t I be her? Why does she get to… have him? But it wasn’t on her,” Emma continued. 

Y/N felt bad, she hadn’t really stopped to see it. How Emma’s heart had been broken because of her. How y/n had apologized, and how she’d taken Emma’s friendship for granted. That Emma had grown from the problem because they both needed a friend. 

“And I thought I could work it all out,” Emma sighed. “Him,” Emma chuckled to herself. “He said it, how confused he was, how he didn’t know where his heart was,  how he said he needed to try it, try to get that thought out of his head, that he needed to know why he’d lost the chance with her. How he thought…” Emma took a deep breath as a single tear was streaming down her face. “How he thought that I was his endgame but if he never knew what it would feel like to be loved by his first love he’d never be happy,” Emma ran out of breath by then, she looked down, her eyes still glazed. “He’d never be happy with me. And I asked him if he would marry her instead if he had the chance, and he didn’t answer.” 

Y/N reached out of her hand, as Eliza hugged them both. 

They didn’t really say much after that, what could they really say? And the night washed away their thoughts. Eventually Eliza had gone to sleep leaving the two girls to their own despair. Both laying down on different sides of the room, hugging pillows, confused. 

“I’m sorry,” Y/N said softly. “For Harry.” 

Emma gulped and shrugged. “Yeah, no, it’s not your fault.” 

“But it is,” y/n said, sitting up. “I did write about it.” 

Emma stayed quiet. “Yes, and I… I understand it, that feeling I guess,” Emma chuckled. “I felt that way with Tim at some point, too.” 

Y/N didn’t want to look up. 

“The whole… If this is the person I’m supposed to love and if this person is good enough for me, why can’t… I?” Emma pushed. 

Y/N eventually looked up. “Did you and Tim ever tried it?” 

“Yeah,” Emma laughed. “And it just confirmed to both of us that we were supposed to be friends. I mean we only went on one date and when we tried to kiss it felt… Like ugh, no,” Emma chuckled. 

That was something that she didn’t know. 

“Maybe that was what Harry needed, you know,” Emma said. “Make sure he didn’t…” 

But Harry had tried again. He had reached out, and he had asked y/n, if it could ever be him. Maybe y/n had ignored that thought in her head, probably because she didn’t want to even get deep in that thought. 

“And I’ve seen you, you’re in too deep for Tom,” Emma said. “Poor Tim.” 

Y/N frowned. “I’m not trying to hurt him.” 

“No, I know,” Emma said. “You can’t help it, but… I always knew it, and I never.. When Tim told me about you and Tom I was… Firstly relieved because that was the confirmation I needed because somehow I always knew you were in love with Tom, I didn’t know about him, he was very good at hiding it, but you just… I don’t know.” 

Y/N had a secret, one which she didn’t know if she had to share with Emma or not. 

“Harry texted me,” y/n said it, as simply as she could. 

Emma gulped. “What?” 

“Yeah, he said he was going to reach out for you but he knew it was a stupid idea, and he.. Wants to talk to me.” 

“Yeah, you should talk,” Emma nodded. “Save your friendship.” 

Was there really any friendship to be saved?  Y/N didn’t know if she even wanted to sort it out. She didn’t even want to see them the next day. 

She hadn’t slept, at all. Her mind kept roaming between Tom, Tim and Harry. The different problems she’d had to face with each. 

Emma didn’t go with her the next day to the studio. And there she was, all alone walking to them. Tom hadn’t looked up to see her this time. Alessandra, Josh, other people were there as Tom and Harry were awaiting for y/n. 

“Good morning,” were the only words y/n had spoken towards them. The meeting started, Tom had avoided any possible type of eye contact towards y/n. Harry hadn’t. He’d done most of the talking, about the project, the ideas, the production. The inspiration. 

“I just…” Tom said, eventually. “As I read the script,” he continued with poison. “I think we deserve to know more about William’s side of the story.” 

Y/N looked up, deciding whether that bothered her or not. She decided it didn’t, because she knew his side of the story was a mystery to her, too. 

 “I couldn’t help but wonder if there could be a scene with William’s heartbreak,” Tom continued. 

“Yes, of course, the ending, is something we’ve been working on,” Alessandra said. “I think that would add a bit more. Maybe even reflecting her first heartbreak, the one with the montage” 

“Reflecting Valerie’s heartbreak, yes,” William said. “Almost mirroring it.” 

“Well, I mean, mirroring it could work in a matter of film like symbolism, but I think William’s heartbreak is not the same as hers, I think-” 

“No you’re right, his heartbreak comes from what he thought was a relationship,” Tom said. “I think we should work on something like that. His heartbreak is real.” 

“I’m not saying it’s not real, I’m saying it shouldn’t mirror it,” y/n said. “I’m saying all heartbreaks are different.” 

“Maybe you’re right. I think his heartbreak deserves its own spotlight.” 

Y/N nodded. “Yeah.” 

“But it’s not the same,” Alesandra. “After all William hurt Valerie more times, I think--” 

“THat’s why we deserve to know his side of the story, otherwise he’s just an asshole and it wouldn’t make any sense as to why she loves him,” Tom said. 

And yet she does, y/n thought. 

The meeting went too decent. Y/N guessed Tom had understood that she really didn’t want to talk to him. Y/N was ready to leave, she didn’t want to see them. She didn’t want to see him. 

She didn’t want to see Harry because how could she make things better? 

But Harry had rushed over to her as soon as the meeting ended. Tom walked past them, scrolling in his phone. Y/N only watched him stand by close. 

“Hey,” Harry said. 

Y/N wasn’t aware why she was so damn selfish or why she couldn’t make up her mind, and she didn't know why it had bothered her so much that he hadn’t talked to her. That he was avoiding her. After all, that’s what she’d asked him to. 

She wanted to run to him, honestly. Kiss him, even. But then again the first thing he did was try to change the story. 

Y/N kept staring at Tom, but then turned to Harry. “Hi.” 

“Did…” Harry gulped. “Did Emma come today?” 

“No,” y/n said. 

“I… uh,” Harry continued. Tom looked up, but then proceeded to keep walking as his brother glared at him. “I was going to ask if you wanted to go out for lunch or something… So we can uh.” 

“Yeah,” Y/N said watching Tom. “Only us?” 

Harry looked up at Tom, who didn’t even flinch before walking away. 

It made y/n sad but she knew that she had been the one to ask for it, besides she needed to talk to Harry alone. 

They ended up at a diner, one of y/n’s favorite places. She had discovered it with Emma and Timmy, a 24/7 diner that had welcomed the three of them after a night out in the city. Best burgers and waffles they’d ever had. Maybe they weren’t that good, but when you’re drunk and it’s late anything serves. 

It was 50’s themed, like most diners are. Black and white tiled floors, blue booths and pink walls. 

Harry smiled to himself as he looked around. “Why am I not surprised you like this place?” He chuckled. 

“Food is good,” she said. 

Harry watched her. “Tom wanted to come.” 

Y/N sighed. “Of course he did,” she pointed out hiding behind the menu. 

“Coffee?” The waitress offered. They both accepted it. Neither of them had slept the night before. 

“He is very stupidly annoyingly in love with you,” Harry shot it. He knew he had to start with that. 

Y/N let down the menu to face him. “And I was annoyingly and stupidly in love with him,” she said. “I am… Am, not was,” she corrected herself. “But I need to get over him soon because I had assumed he moved on,” she sighed and then bit her lip. “But you say he’s still in love so I am very confused by your statement,” she admitted. “But right now I don’t want to see his pretty face around because he is the biggest idiot to walk into this planet and I really am angry he’s directing and probably here to ruin the biggest chance in my life so I’m going to ignore you just said he is in love with me because he is an idiot and I probably am too but right now he is more of an idiot because directing my script—” 

“So you’re angry,” Harry said as he sipped from the hot coffee they had served him. 

“Not at you,” she lifted the menu again. “I am actually not angry at you directing, you’re talented, and I trust you, I would’ve even called you,” she confessed. “But well—yeah, but I’d trust you with my eyes closed even if we… if that thing happened.” 

Harry cleared his throat. “Yeah.” 

“And I assume we are going to talk about that,” she let down the menu again. 

“Yeah.” 

The waitress interrupted them again as she took their orders. Y/N didn’t order pancakes. Waffles. She hadn’t really eaten any pancakes for a while, though it was her favorite food. 

They just stared at each other, not sure where they were standing. How were they supposed to act? 

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time. They both chuckled. 

“No,  you go first,” Harry said. 

“No,I’m sorry Harry I just—I feel like it’s on me, I ruined your engagement,” she started. 

“No, I ruined my engagement-” Harry interrupted. 

“No, but it’s on me, with that script--” 

“No, yeah but that’s on Tom not wanting to talk about it,” Harry said. 

“No, it’s not.” 

“No, I know.” 

“I’m sorry,” y/n said again. 

Harry knew it, they were both in denial, neither of them wanted to address the actual situation. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry said. 

But neither of them were sure where to start their apologies. They’d said ‘no’ seven times. For sure, they were in denial. 

“Yeah.” 

“I’ve got to…” She took a deep breath. “I… When I wrote it, I guess, I wanted to understand it, you know?” She admitted. “As if I was trying to…” 

“But,” Harry said. “I don’t think it--” 

“Makes sense, no, it doesn’t,” y/n finished his sentence. “And look I… was confused and I just, when I wrote it I just… Went through with scenes in my life but...But-Harry-” 

“It’s Tom, I know,” Harry said it. “And… It’s Emma, and I can’t believe I… I can’t believe I wasted on some stupid...Sorry, sorry-”Harry chuckled as y/n faked to be offended. “Not what I meant.” 

“No, I know,” she laughed. “And before--” 

“I know I asked you for an answer but,” Harry sighed. “I… I don’t know, I was confused, very confused, because it didn’t make any sense and I guess I was just too overwhelmed with the situation, I mean I had been in love with you my whole life and,” he sighed. “It’s difficult, being in love with someone and then realizing they could’ve loved you or that they loved you at some point is just…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I guess anyone would do anything for a chance but I guess we have to accept that… Sometimes the heart is wrong, right?” 

Y/N sighed. “Yeah, the heart is stubborn.” 

Harry watched her, curiously. “I just need… I just guess I do need an answer.” 

Y/N didn’t know what to say, whatever answer she gave him it would hurt him. She remembered it, the last time she’d seen him. How he was confused and broken and barely saying anything, and just throwing words in the air with little hope, begging for an explanation. And what explanation could a brokenhearted y/n give him? How could she ever give him an answer when her mind and heart was too stubborn and too attached to Tom. 

She decided she’d rather stay quiet. 

“Is it silly to think about it?” Harry asked. 

“I guess not,” y/n sighed. “It’s the whole... “ Y/N sighed. “But I am too stubborn to keep you in my life Harry, if something like that had ever happened, it would’ve ended up in disaster, and I’m not sure if I could handle another disaster.” 

He nodded. “Love shouldn’t hurt,” he said. “And God knows how much I’ve hurt from loving you.” 

“It’s Tom,” y/n said with all her pain in her heart. “That’s your answer,” she said. “And I can’t help but think how terrified I am that it was the last chance we ever had and I was the one to fuck it up, and I can’t help but think about the places we’ve cursed and how I’ll never be able to ever go to New York again, and how I’ll never be able to look at you and know I hurt you so many times and I couldn’t… I couldn’t ever love you the way you wanted me to.” 

Harry stayed quiet. 

“But there is someone,” y/n said. “There was someone who loved you the way you are supposed to be loved, and who is exactly the person I think—“

“Yeah, leave it to me to fuck it all up,” Harry sighed. “I—she won’t love me anymore right?” 

“If she’s as stupid as I am, then she might,” y/n chuckled 

Harry sighed. “I can’t believe I made her feel like she wasn’t the one most important person in my life, I—“

Y/n watched him, “you know it won’t be easy, right?” 

Harry looked up. “WhAt?” 

“She’s been having a real rough time,” Y/n said, “but—“

“That one sounds hopeful.” 

“It might be,” she nodded. “I just want you to be happy and I want her to be happy.” 

Hardy nodded. “Should I give a hopeful but to Tom, too?” 

Y/n didn’t answer. She wanted to say yes. But instead the question she wanted to ask came out instead. “What’s up with Tom and Cherry?”

Harry paled as if he’d seen a ghost. “What?”

That was the only confirmation she needed. She needed to ask no further questions because Harry had answered it, there was something going on between them. 

“There it is,” y/n clicked her tongue.

“What? No,  how do you—?what do you—what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” 

“If you’re asking those questions it means there is something going on,” y/n commented. 

“I—no,” Harry 

The waitress arrived and gave them their food. Harry tried to ignore the conversation by giving a big bite to his burger. 

“Harry,” y/n pushed. 

“There’s nothing going on,” Harry stated. 

“Did something happen?” She asked again. 

Harry started to sweat, as he finally stared at her. “Why are you asking this?”

Y/N didn’t know why she was asking this. She was barely reacting to it. She didn’t feel the heartbreak, she didn’t feel the pain throughout her chest. 

“So it did,” y/n nodded.

“Why—“

“Lets call it a sixth sense,” she hissed. 

“I am not the one who’s supposed to tell you this,” Harry said. 

“Something did happen huh,” she bit her lip. Maybe that’s when it hit her. That feeling of someone hitting her with a truck.

“N—Y/N, I’m not—“

“Did they sleep together?” Y/N pushed. 

Harry wasn’t giving her an answer yet she knew they had. His palms were sweating, he was blushing, and he was cracking his hands..

“Y/n—“

“You know you can’t lie to me,” y/n stated again.

“I cant lie to you, you’re right,” Harry admitted as he sighed heavily. 

“Then?”

“I’m not saying anything,” Harry said. “It’s not my issue and—“

Y/N knew she couldn’t cry in front of Harry. How different things were.

“I didn’t tell Cherry about Tom,” she said after a while of staring at the sweaty and nervous Harry.

Y/n couldn’t get angry, she knew that. It wasn’t cheating. It did hurt, though. But not as much as she thought it would, probably because she had known it already. Or maybe she was avoiding it right now because she needed to act tough with Harry. 

But it did hurt. The thoughts invaded her head. How prettier Cherry was, how perfect Cherry was. And then the image went to her head, to Cherry’s slim fingers walking through Tom’s chest, and him liking her touch more than y/n’s. How her lips had probably kissed that sweet spot Tom had right under his chin. How probably their sweaty bodies had collided and how Tom probably hadn’t thought about her. Not at all. 

And how easy y/n was to get over. That’s what she thought. How he had moved on because he could. And how stupid she felt. 

Harry stayed quiet. 

“I didn’t want to. It was too painful to talk about it, too complicated, too,” y/n continued. “and I assume he didn’t tell her about me either.” 

“No…” Harry admitted. 

Y/N was sure her eyes were filling up with tears but she wanted to inform them as she stared at her food. How stupid it seemed, a breakfast food. She pushed the plate away, she definitely wasn’t hungry now.

“Yeah,” her voice was dry, so she only sipped from her water. “and I know that as long as it concerns Cherry, I was dating you.”

“What?” But even if that question carried a sense of confusion it also carried some understanding as if suddenly it had made sense. As if something out of the blue had popped into his head and clicked the story together. 

“I don’t know where she got that from but I just didn’t want to explain anything to her, didn’t think I had to,” y/n continued.

“What?” Harry asked again. 

“She assumed it was you who I was dating and who I had an ugly breakup with,” y/n continued.

“Why did you let her—“

“Because I didn’t want to give out my story with Tom,” y/n said. “Though I thought she’d get it from the flowers, guess she didn’t,” y/n bit her lip. “I don’t understand anything about it, so—guess she just saw a pretty boy and—“

“I—“

“Did they sleep together?” Y/n asked again looking into Harry’s eyes.

No answer..

“Harry did Tom and Cherry fuck?” And she’d used that word because she wanted to believe that it was only that.

“I—y/n—“

“You’re not denying it.” 

“Because it’s not my place to deny those statements,” Harry said. 

“That means they did,” y/n bit her bottom lip. “It’s fine. I mean. I’m as guilty, I guess.” 

“What?”

“I slept with Tim.”

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[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch19. Cut Off One Head…

Summary: The Avengers have been tracking Hydra for a number of months now, systematically making their way through each base that their intel provides them…but a routine business trip turns out to be something far more sinister than Katie and Tony were planning for…

Warnings: Violence, kidnapping, bad language, angst… 18+

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: The next few chapters take a bit of DARK turn…warnings will be detailed. @angrybirdcr​ provided a special banner for these next three chapters, and another wonderful edit...

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 18

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

 September 2014

“I’m not saying that I’m not open to the idea, I just don’t understand why you think we need to buy the firm.” Katie said for what felt like the thousandth time that morning. Tony glared at her and simply shook his head as he sat waiting in the reception area of the office block in Minnesota. “I’m not even gonna ask what you were doing that kept you up so late you clearly didn’t get enough sleep last night you cranky brat.” Katie rolled her eyes but she felt a small smirk pulling at her lips as she remembered very well the events of last night as Steve had quite frankly lost his shit at the fact she was wearing the new baby blue lace matching underwear set he had bought her just because he wanted to, but she caught herself. “Sleep or lack of, has nothing to do with it. I’m serious, Tony. We don’t need it”. “Investing” he said holding his finger up “building the brand. That’s what business is all about.” She groaned “Thanks for the lesson on running a business, you know, in case I didn’t know how to, but that is NOT the vision I have for SIP.” “Look, you said yourself when this proposal landed on your desk you were curious.” “I am!” She protested, and she was. From the research they had done, the company that had approached them, Hall General Publishers LTD, held the same ideas as SIP, except they focused on Biographies that were published in series magazines. They had reached out to SIP for a potential collaboration on a fiction series that they had been approached to run and felt it was out of their field, but they were keen to see if they could join forces. It had instantly caught Katie’s attention and imagination but as usual Tony had gone off on one and suggested they buy the smaller company out. “I’m curious about their proposal, and the potential to do business, collaborate yes, but not take over!” “Look, it’s a day out of the office, chance to forget about Tin Man and Hydra” Tony shrugged and Katie gave a groan of frustration again. “And their profits are pretty impressive. We can use them, keep their brand…” “Whatever.” She glanced around at the foyer. It was clinical, white, all clean lines. Nothing like the entrance to Stark, sorry Avengers Tower as it was now called .Mind you, that was to be expected from a ‘rent an office’. Eddie Hall, the MD of HGP had requested the meeting take place away from either of their offices to avoid anyone catching news of the potential collaboration and had arranged to hire a room at block some 10 miles outside of Saint Paul. Tony had shrugged when Katie questioned it, saying it wasn’t unusual for people to hire external meeting venues in order to keep things under the radar. “Miss Stark, Mr Stark, I’m so sorry,” the dark haired man hurrying across the foyer said. He was about 6 foot tall, slim, and was wearing a sharp black suit. Both Katie and Tony stood up, Tony extending a hand.

“Mr Hall I presume?”

 “Yes.” The man said, shaking both their hands, his manner flustered. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I had to ensure the room was ready.”

“It’s only a few minutes.” Katie said smiled at him, “No apologies necessary.”

 They followed him into the elevator and he selected the top floor and turned to the siblings

“Thank you for coming out here. I know the cloak and dagger thing is probably a bit much but I don’t want people getting wind of it. There’s a few changes coming at the company and I don’t want any of them making any assumptions…” “Understandable.” Tony sniffed, looking around the elevator.

They emerged onto the top floor, and he led them left down the corridor. Katie looked around, the whole place smelt of paint and there was decorating equipment dotted around. She frowned. “It’s a new office facility.” Hall explained, looking at her. “Owned by a friend of mine and they’re still kitting it all out. But he said this was the best room to use. It’s mocked up like a board room you see…” Katie nodded and shared a look with Tony, she was starting to feel ever so slightly uneasy. Tony just shook his head and patted his pocket where his trusty Iron gauntlet cuff sat. Neither of them had come with their suits, this was supposed to be a straight forward business meeting after all. But she took a deep breath, she was probably just being over sensitive after everything that had happened recently…

Hall stopped outside a door to the left and opened the room, revealing nothing but darkness. “Oh, sorry,” Hall let out a sigh of frustration, sweeping into the room. “Yes. Let me just… find the lights.” Tony looked at Katie, arching an eyebrow. 

No window? He mouthed at her, his hand slipping into his pocket as they stepped into the room, Katie not quite sure they should be to be honest. “Yes. Here we go,” the man said brightly, flipping on the light and flooding the small room with light as the door slammed shut behind them.

That’s why it didn’t have a window. It was a fucking storage room. And it contained three men in dark suits standing before them, each with a rifle trained on their chests. Katie instantly stopped, drawing a deep breath of shock. Besides her she saw Tony in the corner of her eye quickly move to pull the cuff from the depth of his pocket, but he suddenly stumbled forward and fell immediately, the cuff flying out of his hand as the man they knew as Mr Hall stepped round them both and leaned against the wall to their right.

Katie spun round to see another man to the left and her eyes widened as she instantly recognised him.

“Grant?”  She frowned, looking up at the face of her ex "What… what’s going on? "You know, I thought when you dumped all those files on the internet you might have actually read them.” He smirked, stepping forward and glancing down at Tony who had sat up and was watching him, his face contorted with hatred and rage. Katie swallowed as she took in his words before she shook her head as her eyes grew wide in sudden understanding.

“Heil HYDRA.” Ward’s smile spread further across his face.

The agents around the room started to close in. One of them, a larger built man who reminded her a little of Rumlow spoke in a deep voice.

“This is the one you say we need?” Ward nodded and at that point Tony slowly got to his feet, backing up, placing himself between his sister and the man who is advancing on her, the two of them backing towards the door.

“Need me for what?” Katie said, her voice soft as her back hit the wooden surface.

“Answers.” The large man said, looking bored at Tony’s display of protectiveness.

 “About what?” She said, a bit louder this time.

“Well, you see Kay…” Ward smirked and Katie turned to her left to look at him as Tony emitted a low growl in his throat at the use of his old pet name for her, Ward chuckled before he started again “We’ve had a bit of a problem since you and your boyfriend, sorry fiancée, congratulations on that by the way.” He smiled, and she glared at him in response “Yes, ever since you took down SHIELD, we’ve been a little bit on the back foot, constantly watching our backs, trying to figure out where SHIELD or the Avengers are going to pop up next. So we figured, we needed a bit of inside intel.” The larger officer yanked Katie’s arm and pulled her out from between the door and Tony, flinging her into the middle of the room where another one of the agents grabbed her. Another one stepped quickly in front of her brother, blocking his path to her.

 “Ok, stop…” Tony held his hands up, turning back to Ward and the other man. “If you want someone, take me. I’m more involved in the Avengers anyway…“

His voice was level but Katie could hear a level of desperation.

“Yeah, much as I’d love to take you in for a kicking Tony, the problem is she’s the only one of you who knows he’s alive and what he’s likely to be doing so…” “Knows who is alive?” Tony frowned as Katie swallowed thickly. Coulson, that’s the only person they could be talking about. But before she could say anything one of the agents butt Tony hard in the back of the head with the handle of his gun and he fell to the floor.

 Katie yelled out and started towards him, but the Agent holding her tightened his grip on her arm to the point of it being painful.

 “Now you’re gonna come with us, out of this building, quietly, no fuss and no escape attempts” The big man spoke to her “Otherwise Ward here is gonna put a bullet in your dearest bro’s head.” “And how do I know you’re not gonna do that anyway?” Katie whispered through her tears.

“Because it’s more trouble than its worth.” Ward shrugged. “And frankly, the thought of him alive, worrying about you is far more satisfying.” Katie glanced down at her brother, who was starting to push himself up, until Ward kicked him hard in the ribs and he collapsed, groaning, as Ward hit him on the back of the head again, knocking him out.

“Alright, alright!” She protested, her voice cracking. “I’ll come. Just leave him alone.” She was shoved harshly forward, her heeled feet slipping slightly as the door was pulled open. She stopped suddenly, turning to Ward. “You better watch your back .When Steve and the rest of the team finds out about this you’re a dead man.” Ward chuckled. “Quaking in my boots, Sugar.” She was shoved forward again, and managed one glance over her shoulder at Tony who was sprawled on the floor before she was shoved out of the room.

***** Tony groaned, as he pushed himself up slowly, the room spinning.

 “Kiddo?” he croaked, as he looked around. He was alone, no sign of anyone. He scrambled across the floor, and tried the door which was locked, before he slumped heavily against it, his trembling hands started to feel his suit pockets. His phone was gone, of course, as was his cuff and Katie’s laptop. He lay his head back against the door as he started to piece together what had happened. It was an ambush, Ward…HYDRA…

 Hydra had his sister. For information. About someone no one knew was alive? Were they referring to Fury? He ran his hand over his face again, and was just about to think about screaming in the vain hope they heard him on reception, but he stopped, suddenly. They hadn’t taken his watch.

Thick HYDRA bastards. 

With shaky fingers he pressed the button at the side and the face lit up orange.

 "Yes, sir?“ JARVIS spoke and Tony almost gave a sob of relief before he spoke a simple instruction, all he can think to blurt out before he gives into the throbbing in his head once more.

“Alert Captain Rogers. Send help.”

***** Steve was in the now finished training room with Thor. The pair of them were currently debating if the large room would stand up to them trying out a new move- Thor hitting Steve’s shield with his hammer to create the same wave it had done in the forest that time. It was useful, and Steve was thinking about perfecting it, seeing if it could be directed in anyway.

 “What metal is it made from anyway?”  Steve nodded to Mjolnir as Thor was throwing it up and down.

 “It was forged from the heart of a dying star- Nidevalir…” Thor said, as Steve picked up his shield.

 “It’s made from a star?”

 “No, metal, which was forged by a star.” Thor corrected.

Steve was about to comment that he still hadn’t answered the question when a red light started flashing in the corner of the room, along with a low siren, and Jarvis’ voice cut across them.

“Captain Rogers, Mr Stark has just sent a distress signal.”

 Steve instantly looked at Thor, swallowing slightly. “A distress…they were on a business trip. “I’ve no other details other than to alert you and send help.” There was a loud clap of thunder and Steve turned to see Thor was now clad in his armour and the God nodded at him as the two of them sprinted from the room. Steve’s mouth was dry and his mind was running overtime about what trouble they could possibly be in, but as they headed down the corridor to the armoury he found his voice.

“JARVIS, tell everyone to suit up and meet at the jet, now.” “Of course Captain. I’ve patched the location through to the jet.”

“I’m sure they will be fine.” Thor offered as some attempt at re-assurance. But as Steve shrugged on the top half of his uniform and grabbed his utility belt, he didn’t feel very re-assured.

Maria Hill met them in the hangar “I heard the signal, is everything ok?” “Tony and Katie…” Steve informed her. “They were at a business meeting but Tony just sent out a distress signal.” Maria looked at him and then nodded “I’ll start doing some digging into who they were meeting.”

 He nodded, and strode up the ramp to the jet. They’d been in the air about 30 minutes when Maria patched through to them

 “I don’t know who they were meeting but it isn’t Eddie Hill” she sighed “He was reported missing three days ago by his wife.”

 “So whoever took them got to him first.” Nat looked at Steve. “Took him out, replaced him with an imposter”

“And it’s probably safe to assume he’s dead.” Steve said, flatly. “Hill, start doing some digging. Into Hall…anything that might help.”

“On it Cap.”

It took them approximately another ten minutes to get to the location JARVIS had programmed for them. And it felt like ten years. Ever since receiving the distress call the entire team had been on tenterhooks, Steve especially, remaining stoic and unyielding, although he felt anything but, knowing his girl could be in trouble.

 The receptionists face was a picture when the Avengers, led by a focussed, stern looking Captain America stormed into the building and demanded to know what room the Starks were in. Tony heard them shouting on the corridor, Thor kicking over paint cans as he went, and he yelled, banging on the door.

 “Stand back…” Steve’s voice was loud before he aimed a huge kick at the door, breaking it easily along with the frame which splintered out of the wall.

“Where’s Katie?” Steve asked, swallowing and looking round, almost as if he expected her to be hiding somewhere.

“They took her.” Tony said, pacing in front of him “I tried to stop them but…”

“Who?” Steve looked at him and Tony sighed, his eyes brimming “Tony, who took her?” Steve’s voice was desperate.

“HYDRA.” he bit out, and Steve felt his mouth drop open before he took a deep breath and ran his hand over his face. “I don’t understand…“ Thor began, but Tony cut him off. “And you think I do?” he shouted at the God, his entire body trembling as he stopped pacing in front of him “I… we…” He stopped, unable to speak, his breaths coming in short, rapid bursts. Steve was too preoccupied to notice. He was simply staring down at the floor, his posture slumped as he removed his helmet which felt like it was suffocating him, his head kept replaying what Tony had told him.

 HYDRA had her. They had her.

 Banner grabbed Tony by the shoulders and gave him a single shake before he looked at him “Tony, focus on me, ok, keep breathing…”

 Tony slumped to the floor and Banner knelt down with him. “How did this happen?” Steve’s voice was thick as he turned to look at him. Tony swallowed and Bruce squeezed his shoulder “It was a trap. The man, Hall. We came to meet him only Ward and…” “Ward?” Clint’s head snapped round at the sound of that name, frowning “Ward is Hydra?”

Tony nodded and Steve let out a lowly growl of frustration.

“They wanted her, said they needed inside intel. I told them to take me, I said, take me instead, but they wouldn’t, Ward said that she’s the only one who knows…knows that someone is alive and what he’s likely to be doing…”

 At that Steve’s mind started whirring. Ward- she’d worked that last case with him and Coulson. She was the only Avenger that knew Coulson was alive, bar him, and no one knew she’d told him. Other than Fury that is.

 “Who’s alive, who were they talking about?” Natasha frowned.

“I don’t know!” Tony bellowed.

“Maybe they meant Fury?” Banner suggested, looking up.

Steve’s voice was quiet as he looked up. “They mean Coulson.”

 “What?” Tony wheeled round to face him “Coulson? He’s…he was killed, they buried him! We were at the funeral!” Steve shook his head before looking up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath “He’s alive. The last case Katie worked at SHIELD, the Asgardian staff case…” “The what?” Thor frowned, but Steve ignored him as he continued.

 “It was Coulson’s team she worked with. Ward was part of it.” “And you didn’t think to tell us?” Clint frowned at Steve

“What good would it have done Barton?” Steve snapped, before once more his hands ran over his face. The room fell silent until Nat spoke again.

“Ok, so even if he is alive, that doesn’t explain why they think she knows something.” she pressed “What do they think she knows that’s so important they’d risk taking her?” Steve grit his teeth “I’ve no idea. But I bet Fury does.”

“I’ll get Hill to find him.” Natasha says, pulling out her phone and leaving the room.

“I need to get to back to New York to access everything.” Tony said, suddenly “Start searching our intel, anything…” “What about the media?” Bruce suddenly said. “Should we release her photo?” Tony looked up but before he could speak Steve answered.

 "No. If we do that…” He shook his head. “The press’ll start digging and it could flush them further underground.” “Cap” Clint protested gently. “If we can get her picture out there, have more people on the lookout…”

 Steve shook his head, a miserable yet stubborn pout pulling at his bottom lip. “No.” “We are in the dark here!” Barton snapped.

 Steve turned on him, puffing out his chest. “There’s no way they did this and didn’t leave any sort of trail.”

 “A trail? Jesus Cap, these bastards grew within SHIELD for over seventy fucking years and no one noticed!” Clint snapped

 “I KNOW!” Steve roared.

Thor, who had been watching the exchange quietly up until that point stepped forward, placing his large hand on the Captain’s shoulder.

 “I know it is hard, but you need to remain calm Captain.” he said. Steve looked up at him, giving him a nod, taking a deep breath. Thor turned to Barton “I agree that we should have everyone we can hunting for little Stark, but maybe not straight away. We should regroup, get as much information as we can.” Clint nodded. “I’ll go see if they have CCTV. Maybe we can identify who else was with Ward.” Steve nodded at him as he turned and left the room.

 “I’m going to see if I can find anything outside.” Thor said “tracks, a trail…” he released his hold on the Captain leaving him in the room with just Bruce and Tony.

 Bruce had both his hands on Tony’s shoulders as the man sank to the floor, burying his face in his hands. “I tried to stop them…” Tony sobbed, his head rocking back and forth “I tried, I really did.”

Steve said nothing. He couldn’t. Instead he stood impossibly still despite the ground feeling ready to crumble beneath him.

*****

Thor’s search drew a blank. So after quizzing the staff who were distraught when they realised what had happened, they took the CCTV footage and headed back to base. The jet was silent, everyone lost in their own thoughts.

Steve was trying to make connections. What was Coulson doing, and why did HYDRA, mistakenly, think Katie knew about it? Why had no one told them Ward was Hydra? There was no logic in any of this, other than the fact they were desperate, broken and desperate to take the one person they knew for sure had a link to the assumed dead agent. And as that thought echoed in his head, he realised Barton was right. If he had told the rest of the Avengers about Coulson, then maybe they would have taken anyone else. The fact that he found himself wishing it was one of the others instead of her made him feel slightly ashamed but he couldn’t help it. Suddenly, the jet became hot and he felt the bile rising in his throat. He spun up out of his chair and just made it to the small bathroom at the back of the jet before he threw up.

They arrived back at base just after 2 in the afternoon, and immediately went into overdrive, running facial recognition on the CCTV, Tony instructing Jarvis to sift through the files for any mention of Ward in the vain hope it would give them a clue as to where they might have taken her.

Steve was numb, for once he was failing to direct his team, so Clint took it upon himself to organise everyone, which he was grateful for. Suddenly he felt his phone ring, and he pulled it out of his pocket as fast as he could, a low grown of frustration coming from his throat when he saw it was Sam.

 “Sam, I need to keep the line clear.” He answered, sharply.

“Woah, Cap…what’s going down?”

“Katie…” Steve stumbled over his words “She’s…she’s been taken, by HYDRA.” There was a pause and then the man spoke again, four words, before he hung up.

 “I’m on my way.”

Steve slid his phone back into his pocket and took a deep breath. He needed to focus. He was no good to Katie like this. He glanced over at his team, locked eyes with Thor who gave him a nod, and he strode across to see if there was anything he could help with.

It was an hour or so before they made any decent progress.

 "We got a positive ID on one of the Agents.” Hill said as she strode into the common room, handing Steve a file. He took it and glanced down, moving the surveillance photos they had extracted from the CCTV footage to one side, reading the information in it as Bruce continued. “Eric Jones. Ex SHIELD enforcer, clearly still active in Hydra. He worked out of one of the Canadian bases SHIELD had in Toronto, it fell when SHIELD did. We’re still running facial for the others, but I’ve told JARVIS to focus on the guy that Tony said was posing as Hall.” Steve nodded.

“We have a home address for Jones.” Hill added “But we’ve no idea if he’s been there recently or…” “We’ll check it out.” Nat stood up, patting Clint on his chest with the back of her hand. He nodded and stood up just as Steve spoke again.

“How did Ward know?” he looked up and turned to Tony “how did any of them know that you were gonna be there?”

Tony didn’t look away from the window as he replied "I don’t know. The company is real, we did all our research. They’re based in Saint Paul, not far from where we were.”

 “So either Ward got wind of it and took it as an opportunity or Hall was in on it from the start.”

 “If he was in on it then why kill him?” Thor asked gravely.

“Maybe they were worried he was going to blab.” Clint shrugged.

 “When we’ve been to Jones’ we’ll head over there, see if we can dig anything up.” Clint looked at Steve who gave him a nod before JARVIS cut across them.

 “Mr Stark. Director Fury and Agent Coulson are here.” “Send them up J.” Tony said, standing up.

 Steve took a deep breath and looked at Clint and Natasha “You two wait and see what he has to say before you go. It might help.”

*****

The news Fury and Coulson gave was received as well as could be anticipated. Thor let out a loud growl, turning over his chair in anger whilst the rest of the group started to angrily chatter amongst themselves, all except Steve. He simply looked at Fury, then got up from his chair, the anger radiating from every inch of his body as he strode towards him, jaw clenching.

“Rogers…” he began but shut up immediately as the Captain’s fist connected with the former Director’s nose with a satisfying crack which rang around the now silent room. Fury stumbled backwards, falling to the floor, and he wiped at his face, eyeing the trickle of blood from his shattered nose as waved away Hill away who had stepped forwards to help him.

 “Come on…” Thor patted Steve’s chest, “this isn’t helping anyone.”

 “You knew?” Steve glared down at the director. “You knew they had the damned thing and didn’t think to tell any of us that you were tracking it?”

 “It would have blown Coulson’s cover.” Fury staggered to his feet, wiping his nose. “What he is doing has to go under the radar…” “And because of that they took her.” Steve spat “Because Ward knows she knows he…”he pointed to Coulson “is alive, and because we worked with you to take them down, they think she knows something!”

 “Let’s just break this down…” Tony sighed, rubbing his face “How did they get it? I thought the Sceptre was on Asgard?” Tony frowned, looking at Thor. “You took it with Loki.”

 “No, I took the tesseract.” Thor said. “The sceptre was taken by err…not SHIELD, well a part of SHIELD but…”

 “Why did you not tell us about this?” Clint snapped, his usual placid mannerisms now spiked with anger as he turned to Maria. “Why has it taken us raiding fuck knows how many bases, and Nova getting taken for us to find out?”

“Barton, The rubble of the Triskelion took ages to sort out, the other SHIELD strongholds had been obliterated or infiltrated at the same time” she explained “Hundreds if not thousands of things have gone missing. Files, hard drives, laptops, alien artefacts, security badges, flash drives… the list keeps growing. We didn’t know it was missing until recently!” “Recently? How recent?” “Last week.” She looked down and Steve gave a snort as Clint growled.

“You should have destroyed it.” Steve looked at Fury, “Just like everything else you had in that god-damned lab.”

“We couldn’t” Coulson looked at him, and then Steve gave a sarcastic laugh as he understood perfectly what the man was saying.

“Of course not, because you never had it in the first place did you?” “What, I thought…” Tony began but Natasha cut him off.

“Sitwell and STRIKE collected the sceptre. They were HYDRA, they’ve had it right from the start.“

The room fell silent bar silent and a large clap of thunder started outside, making them jump.

“Sorry.” Thor grumbled.

“Fuck this shit.” Clint suddenly spat out, “Nat come on, we got somewhere to be.” he turned to Steve “If we find anything we’ll let you know.” Steve nodded as the arched clapped him on the shoulder and he left.

Nat turned to him, as if she was going to say something, but she didn’t. She swallowed and gave him a nod, before hurrying after her friend. Steve looked down at the floor, which was once more spinning under his feet. Hydra would be trying to get information out of Katie that she simply didn’t have. And the thought of what they would be doing… one more he felt the bile rise in his stomach and he turned, rushing from the room and made it down the corridor to the rest rooms. He pushed open the door of a cubicle, and threw the contents of his stomach up before slumping to the floor, his knees tucked to his chest, and he let out a loud cry of frustration, anger, his chest constricting around him as the tears began to fall.

*****

 Natasha and Clint’s re-con turned up something interesting.

 “Nothing at Jones’ place, it looks like it hasn’t been lived in for months, however, when we spoke to the Deputy CEO who’s running the gaff in Hall’s absence, he recognised the guy posing as Hall.” Clint looked at him “Peter Jackson their head of IT. Ran his face through the system and turns out he’s also known as Gary Jepson, ex SHIELD technician.”

 Steve ran his hand over his face, scratching the stubble on his chin as he glanced down at the photo. He hadn’t shaved since God knows when.

 “So there’s our connection.” He breathed out and Natasha nodded

“Apparently he got the job a few months ago. Timeline tallies with when HYDRA fell. Apparently he and Mr Hall had a mutual love of American Football, they hit it off, used to go for beers at lunch occasionally”

 Tony’s head hurt “I still don’t understand where Ward fits into this?”

“They both worked out of the Fridge.” Natasha said, “At the same time. They must know each other that way.”

 “From what Coulson told us, Ward has been rallying round people he knew.” Clint spoke “And, this is all supposition, but if you ask me Jepson probably tried to go legit, melted into the background post SHIELD falling but when he gets a call from his old friend, who tells him they’re not as dead as they could he reaches out. And then when he hears about the potential deal with SIP…”

 And then it clicked in Steve’s mind. .

 “I don’t think he did hear about it.” He swallowed. “You just said he was their head of IT….” “He could have easily sent those emails from Hall’s account.” Tony gave a groan. “It was all a set up from the start.”

 *****

 It was the week before Christmas. He’d been home from university for 2 weeks and his Dad was already pissing him off. Tonight, both parents were out and Tony was babysitting. He should be out himself, he knew that, Rhodey had invited him to a party, but when Katie had turned those green eyes on him and told him she didn’t want the babysitter she wanted him to stay and ‘hang’ with her (yes, he was especially proud he’d taught his 5 year old sister the word hang) just like he used to before he went away, he’d melted and told his parents to cancel the sitter.

 They’d played a board game- Snakes and Ladders. She won the tie breaker (even though he could have beaten her). They’d then watched The Snowman (well, it was nearly Christmas), Tony doing his best Choir boy impression to make her giggle, they’d had hot chocolate and marshmallows with a candy cane stuck out of the top (yes, he knew she wasn’t allowed it after 6pm but like he gave a shit) he’d then done the whole bedtime routine of supervising whilst she brushed her teeth, but she shoved him out of the room when she needed to pee. Then he’d read her a story, tucked her in well over an hour and a half after she was supposed to be in bed, and was now relaxing with a stolen glass of his dad’s scotch (cheers Dad) in front of Die Hard.  He was about halfway through the film when he heard a small sniff in the hall and she padded into the living room clutching her Winnie the Pooh teddy.

 “What are you doing out of bed?” Tony looked at his sister “I already let you stay up way later than Mom said you could!”

“Bad dream” she sobbed. With a little sigh, he opened his arms and she clambered onto his lap. “There’s a monster under my bed.”

“Nah, I killed it last week, remember?”

“It’s a new one.” She shook her head,  looking at him.

“That so…right…” He stood up.“This calls for the Monster Killer…”

AKA the Vacuum.

Grabbing it, he marched up the stairs and plugged it in. Once it was on he dived under the bed “Get here you son of a…arrrgh…” He made a big deal of thumping the floor and yelling. Eventually he stilled and emerged, turning it off.

“Got it!”

Katie smiled and her hands went up in the air in celebration “My hero, Tones!” before she wrapped her small arms around his neck and he hugged her back.

“I’ll always protect you, Kiddo, what are big brothers for?” "Tony?” His entire body jumped as he looked up and realised it was Pepper. He shifted slightly and let out a small breath. ”Yeah?”

 "It’s late.” She told him simply, but no unkindly. "Come back to bed.”

He shook his head and looked back down at the laptop on his knee. 

“You have to get some sleep.” she sighed, crossing the room before she dropped onto the dark leather sofa besides him “I know it’s hard right now, but – “ "Hard?” he interrupted with a scoff, “Hard? Great description.”

Pepper ignored his jibe and sighed “You haven’t slept in days. We can’t take a step back to where we were after New York. You need to sleep.“

 “I need to keep up with SIP.” he said, shaking his head. “She’s got so many potential authors and projects going…I mean, I can’t let her company crash…what do I tell them all anyway? What do I tell her work force?” “I had an email sent out from HR yesterday.” Pepper said

“Saying what?” Tony rounded on her.

 “That she was on extended leave for the foreseeable.” Pepper said “In the meantime, they’re all reporting into Jenny Jones.” “Who the fuck is Jenny Jones?” Tony looked at her. Pepper took a deep breath.

“She’s the General Manager.” Pepper said “Katie hired her last week.”

He looked at Pepper before the tears sprung into his eyes “the foreseeable…” “I’m sorry.” Pepper says, “I didn’t know what to say.”

 "The foreseeable, until they realise she doesn’t know anything…and they kill her too.” “You don’t know that,” Pepper said, and her voice for the first time trembled.

 Tony looked at her for a moment, before he broke.

*****

The days bled into weeks. And nothing.  They had identified every goddamned HYDRA agent on that CCTV footage now, but they had still found nothing. When Sam had arrived they’d gone back and re-raided every fucking Hydra base they could think of. Nothing. They were stabbing in the dark, and with every day that passed they knew the chances of them finding Katie were getting thinner and thinner.

Steve had a headache. A bad one. One that felt like it was going to split his head in two. He pressed the heel of his palm to the space between his eyes in a desperate attempt to quell the pain.

“Shit, steady on Cap…”

 Steve looked up and stopped before he walked straight into Tony.

“You okay?” Tony asked.

“No.” Steve bit back, before he sighed “Sorry, headache…” He looked at his fiancé’s brother, the worry evident in Tony’s face as well. In fact, it seemed the pair of them now sported that expression constantly, and had done since Katie had gone missing just over 3 weeks ago.

“I thought you were going to get some sleep” Tony said as his eyes scanned down Steve’s body, taking in the fact he was in the same jeans and T-shirt he had been at their meeting last night. Another useless meeting.

He lets out a long breath. “Couldn’t.”

“Me neither.” Tony shook his head, shrugging “Kinda hard… “

“I know.” Steve nodded, looking at Tony.

"I just…I just keep thinking,” Tony swallowed. “I keep thinking about… how I could’ve avoided this. How I should have spotted it was a trap, how I couldn’t stop them taking her…” “This isn’t your fault Tony.” Steve shook his head, thankful that he could now say this honestly. At first he had been angry, angry that the man hadn’t been quicker or able to protect his sister, but that anger had fast dissipated. Without the Iron Man suit, Tony wasn’t a trained fighter. He was physically fit, yes, but not everyone had super serum coursing through their veins. The man was as broken as he was at her being gone, his sister, daughter even, gone, without a trace.

 "I miss her,” Tony said, his soft words still cut harshly into the surrounding quiet. “I just… miss her.”

Steve dropped his gaze. He missed her, God did he miss her. They’d only been engaged, for what? Coming up three months when she was taken and were still in that excited phase of it. They hadn’t gotten down to any planning of any sorts, but that hadn’t stopped their late night, post love making discussions about it. Katie gently teasing him and stating all the things she was going to get, like doves, and fire eaters…utter bullshit of course, because she had no desire for any of that showy crap.

He missed her so much it hurt. Her laugh, her smile, the way she looked at him, her bantering with everyone in the common room, the way he would walk into a room where she was speaking with Natasha and the pair of them looked at him and broke into giggles making him paranoid, the way she kissed him, the way she felt, her hands running through his hair.

Tony cleared his throat harshly and Steve looked at him. “Me too Tony, me too.”

**** Chapter 20

**Original Posting**

[votederpycausemufins]

we got so much snow, why do i still have class today? I mean it was short, but why have it at all?

oh and you’ll like this one today @petrichormeraki

:)))))))))

“Holy fuck you’re my dad. The captain is my dad.” Tubbo was stunned, still trying to comprehend it. Crumb on the other hand already accepted it. 

“I’ve got a big brudder! Tubbox is my brudder!” She was running around happily and eventually decided to just sit on Tubbo’s shoulder.

“You’re the kid of a celebrity Tubbo!” Tommy slapped a hand on Tubbo’s back in celebration. “Does this mean I can be your plus one to fancy events and shit?”

“I’m not really that kind of celebrity.” Sparklez rubbed the back of his head. “I mean I’m well known, but that’s mainly because I travel a lot.”

“Sprinklez is definitely a celebrity!” Crumb said happily, her tail flicking about. “Millions of people know him! He’s been so myany places!”

“Wonder how Kara’s going to react to all this. ‘Oh hey Kara, remember how I wouldn’t be available for a few days and now it’s been longer than that? Well found my long lost kid!’ I mean it works, but that doesn’t feel right.”

“Is Kara my mom?”

Crumb, feeling a bit chaotic at the moment, answered the question for Tubbo. “Ye!”

“No! No she is not!” Jordan immediately shouted. “That proposal was for being her thousandth kill or something, not for getting married!”

“Honorary mom!”

Sparklez inhaled sharply before sighing to calm himself. “Yes, fine. If you want to think of her like that, sure. Don’t know how she’d react if you call her that though, so maybe don’t actually say it aloud.”

“How’d you even lose him?” Tommy spoke up. He knew Tubbo’s side of the story, but he was a child at the time and it was around ten years ago, so the details might not be accurate anymore.

“Tubbo was really curious as a kid. Always following me around everywhere no matter how much I tried to get him to sit still. He got interested in almost everything I did. We were visiting one world, Univcraft, and I was just driving around.” Grian’s feathers puffed up at the name of the world. “Tubbo was in the back in his seat, but was getting restless. Next thing I know, he had managed to unlock and open the door.”

“Did you keep driving?”

“No! Of course not! I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car. Forgot to put park on at first and it started to roll away on its own before I could jump back in to fix it. Tubbo wasn’t in his seat so I assumed he fell out when the door opened but he was nowhere in sight. There seemed to be no evidence and the weirdest part was that he would have had to unbuckle himself from his booster seat and they were all still done up.”

Tubbo’s eyes widened. “I remember that! I… I think when I first realized I wasn’t in the car anymore, the first thing I was upset about was not being in my cool racing harness.” Tommy started laughing. “Hey! I was five!”

Sparklez couldn’t help but chuckle along with Tommy before pulling Crumb and Tubbo into a hug. “Both my ducklings are finally with me.”

“Duckling?” Tommy asked with a mischievous grin.

“I said Tubbo followed me everywhere. He also liked bees a lot so wore yellow half the time. He reminded me of a little duckling.”

“I remember wen Sprinklez cried wen we went to space an I followed him around in my yellow space suit!”

“Okay Crumb, don’t need to bring that up.”

“Hey, if you can say embarrassing shit about me, let her say embarrassing shit about you.”

Jordan winced slightly. “I guess that’s fair. So, what’s your life been like? I can tell you’ve been… active.” He vaguely gestured to a visible burn scar on Tubbo, which made the teen slump their shoulders a little. Tommy pulled Tubbo away into a protective hug and Grian put a hand on Sparklez’s shoulder.

“To put it lightly, they’ve been through hell. I’m pretty sure the only reason he’s doing as good as he is right now is because of Tommy. Don’t expect him to open up about everything right away. Give him space before you start asking questions.” Grian glanced over to the duo and Tommy gave him a quick thumbs up. “Trauma sucks, but having someone there to be supportive, even if you don’t know them as well as you should, is really helpful.”

“Thanks.” Sparklez gave Grian a short nod. 

“Well, I’m sure you guys will have a wonderful time together, but I still need to go see Xisuma and give him updates on… well, everything.”

“See ya Big G.” Tommy said to Grian before the avian was flying off.

Mumbo was trying his best not to completely panic, but he was slowly failing. “No no no no no. It has to be there! Why isn’t it there? Is it because of the ice? Is there something with ice?” Mumbo looked down at himself and still saw no symbol. “Maybe it was whatever Dream did. That’s surely something that wouldn’t be accounted for.”

“It wasn’t him, idiot.” Mumbo’s blood ran cold and he turned around to see Drista sitting on a chest. “Obviously it was you. I thought you knew VG and Watcher magic doesn’t mix.”

“This is. No. I, I’m not a Vault God. I refuse.”

“Again with the refusing. It worked before but it won’t now. I told you it was only a matter of time.”

Mumbo was in a state of complete disbelief, trying to find some excuse. Then his disbelief turned to anger as he thought of something. “No, this is your fault. You were keeping in contact with Dream. He said you were. You didn’t do anything.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I didn’t do anything. But you did instead. And how did you do that? Became a Vault God.”

“Well tell me how to unbecome one.” Mumbo demanded. 

“You pretty much don’t. That’s why Dream was able to do what he did. Even exiled, he was still a Vault God.”

“Please, there has to be something.” Now he was starting to plead with Drista, hoping for some glimmer of hope for him.

She tilted her head from side to side as she thought about the question. “Well, technically you’re not completely official. In fact I’m here to bring you to that. Maaaaybe if you say something to them, you can get some exception.” She paused to shrug. “Who knows. They may just force you to be one.”

“And if I don’t go?”

“You’ll still be a Vault God, just unstable. Though I will say, you’re doing pretty well on your own.”

Mumbo didn’t care to ask what she meant. He had to go. If he went there was at least some percentage of a chance that he could go back to normal. If he didn’t, he would absolutely end up hurting Grian. “Alright fine. Where do you need to take me?”

Drista smiled and pulled on a mask that was almost identical to the one Dream had worn. “Just follow me.”

Grian spun the chicken feather that was his quill on the table as Xisuma talked. Sure, this was all very important, but the avian was already bored. He kept asking more questions that should have been answered already, but the admin was too focused on the answers themselves to think about the entire context. “I said that it’s going to be like another dimension already. You can’t get to other dimensions without a portal. Think of it like a third being tacked on. And fourth since they have their own nether.”

“What about their end?”

“Again, they haven’t seen it because Dream destroyed all connections to it.”

“And the Watchers?”

“Are combining groups and are adding in two new Watchers to keep things running smoothly.”

“Any previous relation with Zoy and Riffed?”

“Zloy and Pixlriffs, and no. Petrichor and Meraki are just helpful with world crosses. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Can I go yet?”

Xisuma paused, tapping his helmet where his chin would be. “Alright, but I’ll be sending messages to you, so look out for those and try to respond quickly.”

Grian nodded and passed the book and quill over to Xisuma with the notes he had taken. He then got up from his chair and stretched before flying into the air. Now that Xisuma was dealt with and Tommy was occupied, next was getting the kids from Stress.

The avian flew over the desert between Xisuma’s jungle and the one that he, Stress and others lived in. He smiled as he passed Mumbo’s base, though he had to steady himself when his flying became a little wobbly. He brushed it off as him just getting distracted and then landed near where Stress said she would be.

“Dad!” Jrumbot was running up to Grian and the avian picked up his robot son in a hug. “You’re okay again! Daddy was really worried about you.”

Grian quickly gave Stress a thankful nod for her looking after the bots. “Well it wasn’t the best situation, but he figured it out like the smart man he is. Now speaking of him, we should go see him. He needs some more cheering up and love. Think you can help with that?”

Jrumbot nodded and then Grian helped him onto his own back, right between his wings. As the younger of the robots held tightly to Grian, the avian picked up Grumbot and then thanked Stress before flying towards Mumbo’s base. As they approached, Grian suddenly felt much more tired than he had moments before, so much so that Jrumbot slapped his face slightly to wake him up so he didn’t crash.

“What?! Huh? Oh right, I’m flying! Sorry boys, guess the meeting with Xisuma took more out of me that I realized. At least we’re almost there.” And he landed at Mumbo’s base, only stumbling slightly.

“Are you alright dad?” Grumbot asked Grian, who gave a nod.

“Yeah, ‘m fine. Oh, that reminds me. Thanks for your help. We found Tubbo’s dad.”

“While I’m glad I helped, you shouldn’t be trying to change the subject.”

Grian sighed, having forgotten how well Grumbot could read him. “I’m fine. I just want to find Mumbo and then we can all go to the big bedroom and hang out there.” He helped Jrumbot down off his back and ruffled his wings before folding them “Mumbo! I’m here with the kids!”

There was no answer making Grian frown. “Maybe he’s tired like you and went to sleep?” Jrumbot suggested.

“Yeah, might be.” Grian then pulled out his communicator to send random messages to Mumbo to either follow the hum of the vibration of a message or to wake Mumbo up with the sound. He sent off one message and was just starting to type another when he got the error message. “Wh- Mumbo’s not here.”

“What do you mean not here?” Grumbot asked, worried by how worried Grian looked.

“I… maybe he went back to the other world? But everything’s connected now, that shouldn’t be an issue.” Grian continued to worriedly ramble. The bots looked at each other and then took Grian’s hands, pulling him to where Mumbo’s bedroom was and got him to lay down on the bed.

“Do we need to get anyone?” Grumbot asked. “Iskall or Stress? Possibly Xisuma?”

Grian shook his head. “We just left Stress’ place. She’s helped plenty. And Xisuma is busy with the world merge. Iskall… they might be available, but message them first.”

Jrumbot’s screen face changed briefly. “Okay! I did it!”

Grian nodded then curled up in the blankets. He really felt tired now and a bit woozy. He gave a groan. “Ugh… Dream was a Vault God and I was around him for who knows how long. Plus I went to visit again… maybe there’s magic sticking to me or around here.”

“Are you sick again?”

Grian gave a half hearted nod. “Yeah, now both of you come here so I can cuddle you. That’s the best kind of medicine right now.”

Jrumbot immediately jumped into the bed and curled up in Grian’s arms. Grumbot on the other hand, wasn’t as fast. “Contact with people is usually not a type of medicine and I’m sure us not being humans makes it even less effective.” But despite his comments, he also joined his brother in Grian’s arms.

[empyreanwritings]

Bloodlust

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader (Vampire AU)

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: vampire things so mentions of blood, blood-sharing, language, hint of sexual themes, did i mention blood?

Summary: You are adjusting to life as a vampire. While everyone else wants to find a way to make you human again, Bucky is there to help you embrace being the princess of the night you are meant to be.

A/N: How did I manage to write 3k worth of words based on a one minute clip from the Vampire Diaries? I honestly have no idea, but I’m not going to question it! This is my entry for @littledarlinwrites​ Mystery AU writing challenge! I am sorry I am a few days late, but I’m finally catching up on all the challenges I signed up for, so I feel good :) My prompt will be bolded below! (Also, P.S. if y’all want a part 2, let me know bc I may be up to writing one!)

Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated :) x

"Welcome to the party!" A drunk frat boy greeted you and Bucky as you stepped into the home. "Ladies drink free until the sun comes up!"

You nodded, and Bucky guided you towards the dance floor. It looked like a sea of bodies, all dancing and grinding to the beat of the music under the strobe lights. Everyone reeked of cheap booze and fake blood, but they were having the time of their lives - you could tell by the way they all smiled and screamed whenever there was a good beat drop.

"Halloween party filled with drunk frat boys and sorority girls?" Bucky hummed, his signature smirk spreading across his face. "It's a buffet just waiting for you to splurge."

You inhaled. "Are you sure this is a good idea? Steve thinks-"

"Steve is a stick in the mud." He quickly cut you off. "He thinks every vampire should go to church and feed on Bambi. You need to learn how to control yourself while enjoying all that being a vampire has to offer! You just have to trust me!"

Part of you didn't understand how Steve and Bucky managed to stay friends after centuries together. They lived two very different lifestyles, and yet, they needed each other. Steve always tried his best to steer Bucky on the "right path," and Bucky had to constantly remind him that there was no right path for a vampire. They fed. They indulged. And if things get too hard, they turn off their emotions and continue to indulge. While you weren't sure if you ever wanted to get to that level, you respected Bucky because he always seemed so in control of his bloodlust.

Unlike Steve, who constantly struggled with wanting to tear people's heads off.

Bucky noticed your slight hesitation and pulled you onto the dancefloor. He squeezed you towards the middle where everyone was too lost in their own world to notice what was going on.

You stood there for a moment, just watching how easily Bucky fell into the crowd. His head was thrown back, eyes closed, as he swayed to the music. Girls seemed to flock to him instantly - all craving some sort of attention from the hot new guy.

He focused on one, making sure all the others lost interest once they realized he wasn't going to give them the time of day. Once no one else was looking at him, he pulled the girl close to his body. They were completely in tune with each other, and you saw right away the moment that Bucky started to use his compulsion against her. Her eyes grew wide, but she wasn't scared or trying to fight him off. The smell of blood hit your nose the second his fangs her neck, and you couldn't stop yourself from joining in on the fun.

 A girl in a nurse costume stood by herself on the edge of the dance floor. She sipped her drink and watched the crowd as if she were waiting for someone to ask her to dance. You smiled; she was exactly the person you wanted to feed from first.

She was quick to join the crowd with you when you held out your hand for her. You could feel the warmth of her skin radiating off of her and the sweet smell of vodka on her breath. She practically purred when you stroked your hands down the side of her face. You weren't sure if it was just the alcohol talking, or if she was truly into you, but you had a feeling she was going to enjoy this moment for as long as she could remember it.

"Don't scream," you compelled her. "You won't remember this when you walk away."

You ran your fingers through her hair and gently tilted her head to the side, giving you complete access to her neck. You could see the way her pulse moved her skin, and you gave yourself a few moments just to admire how delicate she looked at your mercy. And whether it was the alcohol in her system or not, she tasted delicious. You almost didn't stop until you heard Bucky's voice in your head reminding you that today wasn't about killing, it was about feeding.

The rush of the blood and the beat of the music made your heart race. You had never felt so alive, even when you were human. The blood dribbled down from the corners of your mouth to your chest, and all you could think about was getting more.

You weren't sure how long you were on that dance floor, or how many bodies you and Bucky racked up, but you were lost in how good you were feeling, so it didn't matter much to you. Your chin and chest had streaks of blood running down them. Bucky's white shirt was drenched in red, but no one in the room knew or thought something was wrong because you were just like everyone else.

As the music started to pick up, Bucky danced his way to you. He looked at no one else but you as his hands found your hips and moved you to the beat of the music. You kept your chest pressed against his, trying your best to get as close to him as humanly possible.

When he felt your lips on his neck, lapping up every bit of extra blood that you could get, you felt his chest rumble in delight. He loved having you here in his arms, embracing every part of being a vampire that you should enjoy. No one thought you were going to make it as a vampire, but he knew you were just like him - ready to embrace every dark desire that was unlocked the second you came back to life. He knew your friends wouldn't approve, but he didn't care or even think about them at this moment. All he could think about was your lips on his neck, and the excitement coursing through his veins.

Every nerve in your body ignited as he ran his hands up your sides. You sucked in a breath when his hands lingered on the exposed parts longer than anything else. And you didn't resist him when he cupped your cheeks and forced you to look at him.

"Kiss me."

You smiled and slammed your lips against his. His grip moved to the back of your neck, and you fisted the front of his shirt in your hands. It was a greedy kiss. Full of passion, blood smearing over each other's faces. Neither of you wanted to pull away to catch your breath until you absolutely had to, and when you finally did, you rested your foreheads against each other, still trying to stay as close to each other as possible.

"You're trembling," he pointed out with a smile.

"I've never felt this good before!" You confessed. "I want more!"

"We have all night, princess. You'll get your fill, I promise."

---

You woke the next morning to arguing. You could hear several voices trying to talk over each other, and you knew right away that it was Steve, Bucky and Sam. Every now and then, you heard a quiet comment being made by Wanda, and you sighed. Either Bucky told them how your night went, or they already had an idea based on the blood-soaked clothes sitting in the laundry pile.

You quietly slipped out of your bed and made your way to the stairs. You tried your best to stay silent because you wanted to hear what they had to say when you weren't in the room. For the first few weeks of your transition, you could tell they looked at you differently. Now you could finally find out how they truly felt about it.

"She was fine!" Bucky yelled. "She didn't kill a single person last night, and I didn't have to step in and compel anyone for her. She's adjusting a lot quicker than you're giving her credit for!"

"Adjusting to what exactly? Being just like you?" Steve shouted back.

"She doesn't have to be like me, but she is a vampire, Stevie. I know you don't want her to be. I know that the second she embraces who she is, the perfect girl you've been pining for will be ripped from your imagination, but guess what? She is a vampire. You either love her for the new her, or you shut the hell up."

"I have not been pining over her! I just want her to be safe and happy. She never wanted this life, and you know it!"

"Will the two of you knock it off?" Sam snapped. "You're both acting like children."

Bucky laughed humorlessly. "You are so one to talk, Wilson. You've been glaring daggers at me since I walked into the room."

You shook your head and finally made your way down the steps. You hated that they were fighting over you, especially since they were all supposed to be friends, but you couldn't help but feel a little annoyed too. Bucky had a point - you weren't the same person anymore. You couldn't just wake up and pretend like you were still the woman you were before you died. Everything was different now. Everything you felt seemed different somehow.

The arguing stopped once you joined them, and you almost laughed at the terrified look on Steve's face. Almost. He knew right away that you heard everything he and Bucky said, and he couldn't tell how you felt about it based on your expression alone.

"No, no, please, keep talking about me like I'm not in the same house." You walked over to Sam and took the coffee out of his hands. He was surprised by your presence that he didn't fight you when you started to take a sip. "I want to see what else you all have to say. Let me guess, Steve, you were about to tell Bucky that I'm not meant to be a vampire because I'm too sweet. And Sam, you were going to agree with Steve and bring up for the thousandth time that you and Wanda are searching for a cure."

A smug smile flashed across Bucky's face, and he took a step back since he knew he wasn't the one you were upset with. He had no issue watching your wrath from the sidelines.

"I understand that this is not something any of us expected, but you all act like I'm some broken doll that is meant to be fixed. No one has even bothered to ask me how I'm feeling or doing," you said with a frown. "You all just assume based on how you think I should feel."

"Y/n-"

"No, Steve. I'm sorry if you feel that I'm different now because I'm a vampire, but it's not as if I chose to die! Last time I checked that was your fault." He flinched at your words, but he didn't argue because he knew you were right. "And I know Sam and Wanda are powerful, but they shouldn't be delving into dark magic just to change something that can't be reversed. The fact that Bucky has been the only one to accept me for who I am now hurts. Maybe me being a vampire isn't the problem. Maybe it's the three of you."

Wanda tried to say something as you walked out of the room, but you pushed right past her. She was just as guilty as Sam and Steve in your eyes. She treated you differently now that you were a vampire - constantly cancelling plans and trying to avoid you. You knew she hated vampires, but you didn't expect her to ever hate you.

But if none of them wanted to support you then you had to accept that. You had Bucky, and until you found a new group of friends who loved and supported you for who you were now, he was enough.

The thought of cutting them out of your life made your stomach twist, though. They were supposed to be your closest friends. You were supposed to grow old and share memories until you died. Just because part of that couldn't happen anymore didn't mean you had to stop loving each other. At least, that's what you believed.

Bucky said that when you become a vampire, all of your emotions and senses were heightened. You hadn't fully believed him until this very moment - when the sadness started to feel like a crushing weight on your chest. All you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry for a week. Maybe a month.

You slammed the door of your bedroom shut, making sure they could hear it downstairs. You hoped they'd change their minds about you eventually, but you weren't sure if they ever would.

And it broke your heart thinking about it.

---

You waited until the sun went down to finally come out of your room. You were lucky you had a secret stash of blood bags in your mini fridge because you weren't sure you would have made it through the day without them. Feeding on blood bags until the sadness went away wasn't exactly an ideal plan of yours, but they really left you no choice. You didn't want to hear what any of them had to say anymore.

Bucky was sitting on the couch when you walked down. A glass of whiskey was in his hands, and you noticed how he kept his eyes on it the entire time. His brows were furrowed; you had a feeling whatever was on his mind kept him from realizing you were in the room.

"Can I ask you something?" Your voice seemed to startle him, but he quickly composed himself before patting the spot next to him. You were quick to take his offer and sit down. "Do you like me better as a vampire?"

Bucky took a deep breath and shook his head. "Y/n, I liked you either way. I loved you either way. I don't like you better because you're a vampire, but I'm sure as hell not going to act like you were cursed the day you became one. We adjust, we move on."

"You've never told me you loved me before," you replied softly. "Why is that?"

"Because I thought you were in love with Steve. He is the perfect one after all."

"I don't believe that, you know. I think Steve is a good guy, but he's not perfect. He's just gotten too good at hiding all of the bad parts he doesn't want us to see."

"You got that right," Bucky chuckled. He leaned back against the sofa, nervously running his fingers through his hair as he tried to get comfortable.

His feelings for you were always obvious, but neither of you ever acted on them. A part of you was scared that he was going to break your heart and leave you behind to pick up all the pieces. But over the years of knowing him, you realized he was a big softy. He may have hated the world, but he loved you with all of his heart. He didn't need to be with anyone else as long as he had you. Breaking your heart was something he wasn't capable of.

As a human, it was easy to fight your feelings for him. You could lock all of your love for him in a tiny box and shove it in the deepest part of your brain. You could look at him and pretend he never made your heart ache for more than brief glances and warm smiles.

Becoming a vampire made that tiny box feel like a freight train. It opened right up and hit you with the overwhelming feeling of love before you could even catch your breath. Every time you looked at Bucky, you wanted to kiss him and tell him there was no one else you wanted to spend an eternity with. It was almost ridiculous how needy it made you when you were in his presence.

"Bucky?"

He hummed and lifted his head. His eyes grew wide when you straddled his lap, arms instinctively wrapping around your waist. He heard how fast your heart was beating in your chest, and he had a feeling you could hear his beating too. Being this close to each other felt different in the comfort of your home. You weren't riding a blood high or losing yourself to the vibe of a party. It was only the two of you now.

No interruptions. No excuses.

"I love you," you murmured.

Bucky sat up, his lips brushing yours as he tried to close the distance between you. He seemed nervous - terrified that he spoke those three words you would suddenly burst into flames and never see him again. He had lived through quite a bit of heartbreak in his lifetime but losing you would be enough to finally kill him. The thought alone terrified him, but there was no one else he ever wanted to share this moment with. You were it for him.

"I want to," he paused, trying to think of the right word, "Show you something."

You watched silently as he tilted his head to the side, completely exposing his neck to you. Blood-sharing was something you thought Steve made up when he told you about his first time with Peggy. How erotic he made it seemed felt like an exaggeration, but you hadn't even bit into Bucky's neck and you suddenly knew what Steve was talking about. Just the thought alone made you hot in all the right places; you couldn't begin to imagine what feeding from him would actually taste like.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I'm positive."

He was too terrified to tell you he loved you, but this was enough for you. He never would have agreed to this if he didn't feel the same as you.

You brushed your lips against the hollow of his throat. The way he sucked in his breath made your stomach flutter with excitement. You enjoyed knowing you could make Bucky weak in the knees. Everyone thought he was the ladies' man; someone who bedded every man and woman he came across. Who would have thought he could easily be brought down by one woman and her love?

Feeding from him felt…euphoric. Every nerve in your body felt like it was on overdrive. Bucky's head rested back against the sofa, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as you continued to drink from him. His hands squeezed your waist; moans fell from his lips. You weren't sure if this act was considered sinful, but it sure wasn't pure. The thoughts running through your head were anything but, and you knew you wanted more from him.

More blood.

More him.

"Fuck," he hissed.

You whined when he ripped you away from him and flipped you onto your back. You tried to sit up and fight him, but his hand squeezed your throat, forcing you to stay on your back as he bared his fangs at you. It was a sight that would have intimidated anyone else but you. To you, it was the sexiest thing he could have done, and you were ready to spread your legs and let him have his way with you. You had absolutely no shame in feeling that way either.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but it's my turn now," he growled.

[luescris]

I’m Back (ToA:Wizards)

In which Jim comes home to his mother and thus feelings and emotions ensue. Enjoy some comfort/fluff/and maybe a slight bit of hurt????? Maybe. :P ----------------------------------------

Jim Lake Jr. walked through the forest of Arcadia, footsteps lighter than they have ever been in a long while. His hand gripped tightly to his girlfriend’s, Claire Nunez, and the quiet mumbling of conversation bubbling around him as his friends walked with him filled him with ease. He felt beyond exhausted, but also joyous and filled with such happiness he could barely contain himself. Every time he snuck a glance at Claire, or at Toby, or anyone else he couldn’t help but to smile. They all had once again survived a long, drawn out battle that would determine the fate of the world, and they had all gotten out okay. For the thousandth time that day, he looked down at his hand in pure awe, turning it over to watch the shade of the leaves crawl over the pink-ish flesh.

Human flesh. Instead of rock solid blue skin. He was human again.

Apparently, his actions weren’t going unnoticed, because Claire quietly giggled beside him, snapping him out of his thoughts. “What?” He asked, turning to look at her with a sheepish smile.

She laughed again, shaking her head at him. “You’ve been staring at your hand the entire time we’ve been walking, Jim. I’ll admit the look on your face is cute, but eventually you’ll get tired of it.” “I haven’t been staring at it the entire time.” Jim retaliated, rolling his head to the side with a playful smirk. “Plus, how would you feel if you think you lost your humanity forever, only for it to come back when you least expect it?”

He meant it as a joke, but he saw the twinkle in her eyes turn sad, and her smile fell just a tiny bit as she turned away. Guilt quickly washed over him and he tried to correct himself, but then something warm touched his skin. Pain. Unbearable pain washed over his body and he could barely hear his own roar in his ears. Claire was calling his name and he tried to reach out but-

“Master Jim?”

Jim blinked, finding that he had been staring down at the ground the past few seconds, heart pounding a bit too fast. He realized he was staring at the grass in front of him, the safe shadows of the trees forming a line right where the tips of his shoes stopped. He looked up slowly, squinting as his eyes looked up at the sky above him. He blinked a couple of times, calming himself as his vision cleared. He hasn’t been in sunlight for months.

He felt eyes on his backside and turned, noticing that everyone was watching him with concern. It had taken him a moment to realize Blinky had called his name. Claire had her hand on his arm for support, and he took a deep breath, turning back to the world beyond him.

“Sorry,” He apologized, scratching at the back of his neck (which had no fur or scruff or anything trying to hide in it, his thoughts reminded him). “I-It’s just.. I-I haven’t been in the sun for a while, so..”

“We know, Jim,” Blinky murmured, and Jim felt one of his hands rest on his shoulder. “Take all the time that you need. Unfortunately, Arrrgh and I cannot journey further with you. We will head another way, and meet you at your home at night fall.”

The Trollhunter smiled, and placed his own hand over his mentors’ as he turned to give a smile. “See you there.” Blinky smiled back, and nodded once, patting the boy’s shoulder before turning away, Arrrgh following behind with a wave. “See you soon, Wingman! Be safe!” Toby called after them, waving back ecstatically with Steve.

“Come on, Jim.” Jim startled when Claire took his hand, gently pulling with an encouraging smile as she walked forward into the sunlight. He met her big, beautiful brown eyes that sparkled with stars. “Your mom’s waiting for you to come home.”

Mom… His thoughts practically breathed.

Almost on command, he moved forward slowly, gripping her hand and grimacing, preparing for the worst as he was brought into the sunlight. But instead of pain, he felt warmth, soothing and comforting him as if the world itself was welcoming him home. When it hit his face, it took everything in him not to start crying, eyes stinging as he stood there, staring up at the sky with awe, fully submerged. Oh how he missed this…

A grin spread across his face, and a laugh escaped his lips as he rose his arms up in the air and turned a circle, relishing the feeling. Once he had his full, he wrapped Claire up in a hug and kissed her forehead happily, hearing her own laughter mingle with his. “Oh man I can’t wait to see mom again!!” He cried after letting her go, sprinting a few steps forward to watch as the cars in the distance zoomed by. “I can’t wait to eat real food, o-or heck, to even go to school!” He turned to his friends with that same grin. “Who knew someone could miss school twice?!”

“Not me, that’s for sure.” Steve answered, seeming perplexed. “And-wait, what does he mean by twice?” “Long story Steve,” Toby quipped, patting the blonde’s arm fondly as he walked up to Jim’s side. “We’ll tell you some other time maybe.”

Jim placed a hand on his best friend’s shoulder when he had reached him, giving him a knowing look. “Hey Tobes, how about we race to the bridge?”

“A-a race? I don’t think I can--”

“Last one there is a rotten egg!!” Claire declared, running past the two before Toby could finish his sentence, not even looking back to see the looks on their faces.

Jim quickly followed her, his grin as wide as ever, Toby calling after them to wait up as he also ran after the two, Steve right on his tail and gaining quickly. “Oh come on guys, no fair! You know I have stubby legs!”

ᓟᓟᓟᓟ૦ᓟᓟᓟᓟ

Okay Jim. It’s okay. Just knock on the door and everything will go smoothly. Certainly. He had been staring at the front door of his house for a good few seconds now, Claire and Toby standing right next to him, watching intensely. Steve had made his own way home, bidding the others farewell and walking down the street with a proud strut to his step. Worries ran through Jim’s head, worries of what will she say?? What will she do?? Does she even remember what I look like now? I mean I’ve been gone so long and--

Stop that. His voice of reasoning scolded. Of course she remembers you. It’s not like you disappeared forever. Jim sighed, dropping his hand that had been raised the entire time he had been standing there, eyes closed. “Claire, Toby,” He turned to his closest friends, not meeting their gazes at first. “I appreciate you being here with me for everything, no matter what it is. I couldn’t ask for better friends. But..” He turned sheepish, looking up at them through his strands of hair. “I think I might need to do this one thing alone, if you don’t mind..”

“Oh, of course, Jimbo. No problem!” Toby grinned and gave his friend’s arm a firm pat, winking. “Say hi to Miss L for me.”

He walked away after Jim gave a small nod and a grateful smile, and the next second Claire had pressed her lips to his firmly, to which he quickly adjusted to. It didn’t last as long as he would’ve liked, but he let her pull away anyway, meeting her gaze and smile with his own, a hand gently resting in her cheek.

“Call me when you get a chance, okay?” She murmured gently, her forehead pressed to his. “I’ll be waiting.” “Of course.” Jim replied just as softly. He felt like he could melt.

Her smile widened. She leaned to his ear and whispered a soft, “I love you” before hurrying down the steps as well, giving Jim no time to respond. He stood there for a moment, watching her leave, and his smile returned not a moment later.

“Love you too, Claire.” He sighed.

The Trollhunter then turned towards the door, confidence boosted--drastically, might he add-- opening and stepping into the household he had called home his whole life. But he was only able to take a few steps in after shutting the door, the smell of jasmine and slightly burned foods wafting through his nose and overloading his senses. In a good way. This was at least the third time in his lifespan Jim had found himself standing at his doorway, taking in what he was already used to because he thought he wouldn’t see it again. His smile was bittersweet, with a hint of sadness to it as he finally took another step forwards into the house. “.. Mom??” He croaked, voice cracking.

One step after the next took him to the kitchen, one of his favorite places in the house. He dragged a hand along the counters, spotting a cookie sheet that had a rather large bite mark on it’s corner. Jim winced, holding his stomach as he remembered who had bit into that sheet just a few months ago. He pushed that away for now, walking past the sink and staring out the window, watching the branches of trees sway in the wind gently.

He barely heard the sound of a door closing, and bags being dropped to the floor with a solid thud.

What he did hear, was a quiet gasp, and his head whipped around. There stood a tall woman, short orange hair shining in the afternoon light and wearing a doctor's outfit. Her bright blue eyes were wide, glossy under the glasses she wore. Her mouth was covered by her hands, a sign of bewilderment. But Jim couldn’t blame her. For a moment, they stared at each other, Jim doing his best to keep his tears from falling. He gave a shaky smile, a small laugh escaping his throat.

“Hi mom..” He whispered passed the lump in his throat.

Barbra moved forward slowly, just as Jim had only seconds before. She blinked, a tear escaping the corner of her eye as she kneeled down so that they were eye level, close enough so that Jim could count almost every eyelash. Her hand lightly touched his face, and he couldn’t help but to lean into her touch, never leaving her gaze.

“Jim.. You're.. You’re home…” She finally spoke, searching her son’s face as more tears fell. A watery laugh left her throat as she ran her other hand through his hair gently, before resting it on his other cheek. Her smile was bright and bittersweet. “You’re back….”

Jim nodded gently, and the tears he was fighting back fell. “I am.” He sniffed.

A sob left his mother’s throat, and she brought him in for an embrace, one he returned quickly, hands grasping at the fabric of her shirt as he dug his face into her shoulder.

“I won’t ever leave you again,” He hiccuped through gritted teeth. “I promise….”

Barbra didn’t give an answer, but he didn’t necessarily need one. He knew she heard him. 

He knew she believed him.

It felt like a millennium before they finally decided to part, and yet Barbra’s hand still rested on his face, her thumb wiping whatever tears were left on his face, gently swiping at his bangs lovingly.

“My son..” She sniffed, laughing once again with happiness gleaming in her eyes. “Oh my beautiful boy.. How did this-..? I mean, you were a-” She shook her head, and leaned in to kiss the top of his head, unable to find the right words.

Jim couldn’t help the small hint of heat rising in his cheeks (Gosh he was blushing!! He was able to as a troll of course, but it always felt so different! It was not like this at all!) at her compliments, smiling sheepishly. “We’ll tell you everything that happened soon mom, I promise.” Second promise of the day, he realized. “But it would be best to wait for Blinky and Arrrgh, along with my friends first.”

Barbra nodded in agreement, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Y-you’re right. That would be better. I’m just.. So at a loss for words. I mean, of course I’m more than glad you’re back but--”

“I know what you mean,” Jim interrupted her, grabbing her hand and smiling with a chuckle. “Trust me. But we can tell each other all about our adventures later. Right now I-..” He faltered, forcing down a choke. “I just.. Don’t want to worry about anything, and spend time with you. Like old times.”

His mother smiled, and again she kissed his face, bringing him in for another hug right there on the kitchen floor. “I would like that very much.” Was her gentle response.

Jim didn’t plan on moving until the sun had set.

[nothing-but-dreamy]

DREAMING

Pairing: FFXV NYX ULRIC x GENDER NEUTRAL!READER

Words: 2.219

Warnings: angst - fluff;

A/N: Yeah... Nyx... again... I know... this man gives me all the feelings...

Synopsis: YN has a crush on someone and romanticizes about the unknown man. But not everyone is fond of hearing about the infatuation.

"YN? Hey, YN!"

"Y-yeah? What is it?", you asked, feeling confused as if you got woken suddenly from a deep dream.

"Are you daydreaming again? The guy again?", Crowe asked teasingly, nudging your shoulder with her own.

"Wh-what? N-no?", you stammered, looking around if someone had heard her.

"Was that a question?", Crowe asked amused and watched how your cheeks were reddening.

"Oh, come on. Stop this! I... I can't change it, okay? I mean, he's so.. ugh... He's so damn sexy and beautiful. Alone his eyes...", you breathed with a dreaming expression, resting your head in your hands as you thought about the man that occupied your mind for a few weeks.

Crowe chuckled and shook her head about your fling, not really getting your points because she never saw him in such a way, "You should really talk to him.", she suggested for the thousandths time.

You stared at her with big eyes like always, "Are you crazy? I can't! I- I could never...", you whispered in shock. You were too scared about the reaction of the outcome if you would confess your feelings to your crush.

"You have nothing to fear. Trust me. I have known him for so long. I'm sure he will-"

"Psht!", you hushed her as Nyx, Libertus and Pelna entered the Glaive's common room. You smiled at the boys, you even waved to greet them and Libertus and Pelna waved back - just Nyx seemed to hadn't noticed you at all. For some time, he seemed to be occupied with his own thoughts, sometimes even with a grumpy mood.

The boys were barely out of sight as you sighed dreamingly again with a fondly smile on your lips.

Crowe shook her head about you with a smile, "You're unbelievable."

***

No matter how much Nyx tried to ignore you and your infatuation about this mysterious other guy, about his almost 'divine appearance' as you had called it once, it wasn't that easy for him. Every time when you noticed him around, you stopped with your speech but not fast enough and so, Nyx heard more than he wanted about the way you thought about a man who wasn't him.

In fact, Nyx wanted to be this guy. He had no idea who this man was who was lucky enough to gain your attention in such a strong way but it was obvious that you didn't mean Nyx because nothing you ever said was suitable for him. He wasn't divine or perfect, rather quite the opposite.

So, as Niflheim started one of their random attacks on Insomnia, Nyx was kinda thankful for some distraction. To fight on the battlefield would give him time to sort his thoughts so he could focus back on the more important things.

The last thing Nyx had expected was that some things went more wrong than usual. Maybe he even became a bit too cocky for his own good as he tried to fight against several huge demons at the same time to burn off some steam. Yes, it had been reckless. Yes, Nyx knew it. And no, Nyx didn't regret it because it suited his mood just perfectly.

And for the first time since a very long time, Nyx got injured in a way that knocked him out from fighting and training for quite some time, which wasn't helpful for his mind and mood either. He was just glad that he didn't have to listen to your childish daydreaming anymore.

The injuries also allowed him to act in a bad mood, to be grumpy and to have an excuse why he didn't want to see anyone.

Therefore, as it knocked several times at his door, he was more than just annoyed that his friends were too stubborn to listen to him to leave him alone for a while.

"Nyx! I know you're there! Open the door!", you called out demandingly, banging against his door several times with your fist.

"What do you want?", Nyx hissed angrily as he opened the door finally. He just stepped aside as you stormed in before he closed his door to face you with a sullen expression.

Your eyes went big as you saw his appearance. Nyx had some scratches on his forehead, a cut on his lower lip, a long cut on his bare chest that got stitched, his rib cages were bandages thickly and many bruises were building around his hips and stomach. Slowly and shock filled, you moved your eyes back to meet his angry glance. With an open mouth, you gaped at him, simply speechless.

"Once again: WHAT do you want, YN?", Nyx asked more aggressively what caused him to wince in pain.

To see him like this awoke you from your state, "I... I wanted to... to...", you stammered, swallowed thickly.

"You wanted- what?", Nyx asked low, regretting his outburst seconds before because of the pain that was still shaking his body.

"Actually, I wanted to scream and yell at you for... For acting so reckless. Crowe told me what happened...", you whispered insecurely, still shocked about Nyx' wounds.

"Why?", Nyx asked annoyed.

"Why? You ask me why I would like to scream at you? You did stupid things on the battlefield!", you argued back, drawing your eyebrows together.

"Why do you even care about me, huh?", Nyx called out, stepping forward while ignoring the pain in his body, "Since when I am this important to you?"

"Wh-what? What do you mean?", you asked surprised, stepping back by the sight of his raging glance.

Nyx chuckled unamused, "Oh, don't act so innocently. I know about your little, silly crush on this guy!", he said and stepped forward, completely ignoring the fact how scared you looked as he came closer while you found no way to escape, "All these past weeks where you were swooning over the guy's 'incredible' eyes! And his 'perfect' lips! His 'oh so soft' hair! Oh, and don't forget his sexual masculinity!", he pointed out while stepping forward, mimicking your behavior in a mocking way.

Your eyes grew bigger with surprise and shock, "Y-you.. you have heard that?", you whispered.

Nyx grinned, enjoying your scared expression, "If I have heard you? Of course, I did! All your little base flatteries couldn't get overheard when you were talking with Crowe. I know, I'm nothing special. Obviously, not like him. I get reminded that a lot, trust me. So, I ask once again", he hissed angrily, stepping forward, caging you in a corner where you searched for a way out. Nyx was mad. About himself and the aggression he hadn't under control but he had caged his emotions far too long and now, they were bubbling to the surface. He was mad about you and your wonderful eyes, lips and face. And mostly, he was mad about the other guy who had stolen your heart. The one heart Nyx wanted to have for himself. And now, he had lost it before he even had a chance with you, "Why are you even caring for me when your interest is with someone else who isn't me?", he asked threateningly.

"N-Nyx, I- I-"

Nyx punched with his fist against a spot on the wall next to your head that let you flinch. Pain was punishing him immediately. But as he saw your scared expression, he knew he would deserve even more than just plain pain, "Spit it out, YN! Why do you care for me?"

"Because you are the guy!", you cried out scared, "You're the man I have a crush on!", you screamed helplessly before you slid down along the wall, crying out of shock because of the outburst of this usually so calm and composed man.

Utterly shocked, Nyx stepped back. He was panting for air but not because of the pain in his ribs. No physical pain would hurt him as much as the sight of your crouching frame on his floor was hurting him to see. His mind still tried to process what you just had said, what the meaning of the words were you had just used.

Slowly, you calmed down, wiping away the tears from your eyes with the sleeves of your sweatshirt while you took a few calming breaths. You leant against the wall with closed eyes, resting the back of your head against the cool concrete.

Minutes passed where none of you said anything and as you were calmer again, you chuckled dryly, still with closed eyes, "You know, Crowe always tried to convince me to talk with you. She said that you would be happy to hear my confession about the feelings I have for you. Because she knew you for so long, somehow, she was sure my feelings might be mutual.", you said, slowly opening your eyes to see his still shocked expression, "But I... I couldn't talk with you. I was too scared. Too scared you could reject me. Too scared that you could make fun of me. Too scared that you would laugh at me. Making jokes about me with the others. That I would get humiliated or that I could even lose one of my best friends.", you said followed by a soft chuckle, "But, god damn, I never expected you to scream at me like this. I- I never saw you this aggressive. I never thought you could ever hate me this much.", you breathed before you closed your eyes again.

Nyx awoke from his stasis by your words and closed slowly up on you, kneeling down with still some space left between you two to give you a way out from him if needed, "I- I don't hate you, YN. I could never hate you-"

"Tell that to the dent in your wall.", you said, pointing at a spot over your head where Nyx had hit the wall and where now a small hole was left.

Nyx didn't have to follow your hint to remember what he had done. His head hung low between his shoulders, "I'm sorry. Please, I... Fuck... I'm so sorry. I was so angry about the fact that you would like someone else instead of me that I couldn't think straight. All I ever wanted was a chance with you.", Nyx whispered.

As you opened your eyes by his words, you saw Nyx' slumped down figure right in front of you. He was so close, you just had to stretch out your hand to touch him and because it was what you still wanted, you did exactly that. You got on your knees, leaning forward to cup his face with both hands like something precious, "Shall we start this conversation again?"

Nyx raised his head to meet your eyes which were filled with more warmth than before. He swallowed and nodded insecurely, "W-why are you here?", he asked carefully.

You smiled softly, tilting your head, "Crowe told me what happened on the battlefield. She said you acted reckless and got injured. I... I had to see you."

Nyx crawled closer to you, ignoring his paining body once again, "You had to see me? Why?", hope was vibrating in his low voice.

"Because I care for you, Nyx. Maybe I care even more for you than you might think.", you said softly, leaning even closer.

"How much more?"

"Well, this much.", you whispered, leaning in to kiss him softly.

Nyx closed his eyes slowly, just enjoying your lips against his as you moved them. He moved along, deepening the kiss, pulling you closer with his hands on your back.

You broke the kiss very slowly for some air, resting your forehead against Nyx' with a content smile, "Why have you never said something?", you whispered.

Nyx shook his head, "I couldn't. You were always so glowing and happy when you were talking about this guy. The last thing I wanted was to... In fact, I just wanted to be the reason behind this breathtaking smile instead of someone else... But I also didn't want to take your glowing away."

"You never considered that you might be the reason behind my happiness, huh?", you asked softly.

"No… I had no idea that all the things you said were about me...", Nyx chuckled and winced in the next moment because of the pain that finally took back control of his body.

It was then that you got reminded of what Nyx had endured. Quickly, you stood up, helping him back on his feet and into the bed, "You should rest now.", you said softly and a bit guilt-ridden. Somehow, you were one reason behind his pain.

"Can you stay? I'm sure it will help me to recover.", Nyx asked with a smirk, grabbing your wrist as you were about to leave.

It was the smirk that always let your heartbeat quicken. You gnawed on your lower lip, "Okay, but just until you fell asleep.", you answered, crawling next to Nyx' side.

Nyx flung his arm around you, burying his nose into your hair, "Cute that you think I will let you go. At all.", he whispered, pressing a soft kiss on your ear before he pulled you closer to keep you secure in his arms before he fell into a soft sleep with you by his side like he always had dreamed of.

[maade-of-stardust]

Hey Val!!! Its frisay! Its friday!! *feeling excited*

It is Friday, indeed! And since the chapter isn’t ready, yet (I think it will come out on Sunday), here is a snippet for you! 

Sander had decided to leave as soon as Robbe was surrounded by his friends. Surely, the boy would have been safer among them, and they knew him well enough to know what to do in case he needed anything. Thus, Sander’s presence was no longer requested. He had carried out his task and could go back to his place. But after all, he told himself, it was better that way. He was feeling deeply sad after hearing what had happened to Robbe's mom, and he needed time alone to process the news. As he reached his room, Sander remembered that he had to talk to Noor. Though his first instinct was to postpone again, he thought he might as well face another issue that same evening, so he backed off and went to knock on the girl's door.

The conversation was honest, although, for obvious reasons he chose not to go into details, but he told her about his past with Robbe, their years apart, and the way he was feeling since he started to work for the band. Noor was very understanding and they decided to stay friends, without benefits this time. They had smoked a cigarette together and after that, Sander finally went back to his room.

He took a hot shower, hoping it would wash away all the tiredness, sadness, and desire to disappear he was feeling in his body. It seemed like that day had lasted two months. Starting with the fight the evening before, the sleepless night, the trip with Lucas and Jens, and then the insane run in the park to find Robbe. It had been an eventful 24 hours.

The worst part, though, was probably realizing that everything he had relied on for the past four years was just a big, fat, pile of bullshits, he told to be at peace with himself. He hadn't saved Robbe from a life of pain, he hadn't freed him from carrying Sander's burden. He had simply turned his back on Robbe. Sander had left him alone to face all the sufferings in his life.

Now, he didn't even know how he could explain to the other, the reason behind his gesture, without being laughed at. His illness seemed nothing compared to what Robbe had to go through completely alone.

Probably the best thing to do was to simply make amends, without hoping for forgiveness. In light of the facts, his explanation had become ridiculous, useless, but he owed it to Robbe. He wanted to finally be honest.

Sander wore a lilac hoodie and a pair of black sweatpants and went to bed with his computer on his lap, editing the photos he had taken in the previous days. It was something that helped him stay present, having to concentrate kept his mind from wandering.

It was almost midnight when he heard a knock on his room door, and for a few seconds, he was tempted not to open it, pretending to be asleep, but in the end, curiosity prevailed.

He moved the computer from his legs, leaving it on the bed, and went to the door, finding himself face to face with Robbe.

Sander felt his heart skip a beat. The boy had his hair down over his shoulders, and he was wearing a sage-colored sweatshirt and pants. His face was pale, tired, with dark circles under his doe eyes, but they were still beautiful.

"Robbe?" He exclaimed, sounding more surprised than he intended.

"Stop leaving me behind without a fucking word, okay?" He said, with a stern face, looking the other into his eyes, but then gave him a small smile.

Sander stepped aside, inviting him in, and closed the door. He didn't know why he was letting him in his room, but somehow, that night, after what had happened, he didn’t want to let Robbe go again. He needed his presence there.

"Sorry, I thought there were already too many people around."

"Yeah, but I wanted them to leave, not you."

Oh.

Robbe stood in front of him, biting his lower lip. He was so different from anything Sander had seen in the previous weeks, even different from what he'd seen in the car a few hours before, and it was confusing. Sander wondered how many Robbes were still to be discovered. But this version made him feel at ease. There was something genuine and familiar in him.

"Can I stay here with you tonight?" He asked, blinking his long lashes, pausing for a few seconds to rephrase his request, reading the surprise on Sander's face. "I'm not talking about sex. We can have a pajama party, but like, for adults."

Sander frowned, "It sounds a lot like sex." he said, smiling.

"Come on." He pushed his lower lip out, as an incentive to make the other agree.

"Let's have this pajama party for adults, then." Sander conceded, running his fingers through the boy’s hair. He couldn’t explain it, but ever since they had been forced by circumstances to stay physically close in the car, it was like that invisible barrier, that was keeping them apart, had disappeared, and now every gesture was natural.

Robbe was playing with the lilac strings of Sander's hoodie, twisting it around his fingers. "But on one condition. We can’t talk about our past. Only about present and future."

"Deal." Sander nodded, turning away and walking back to bed, to resume what he was doing. He slipped under the covers and took his laptop again, pretending not to observe every slightest movement of the other, who meanwhile looked around, carefully studying all of Sander’s belongings scattered around the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Editing."

Robbe had nonchalantly approached the bed, trying to look at the screen. "Can I?" He asked, pointing his index finger at the bed where Sander was sitting.

"Yes, come here." He replied, lifting the covers. Robbe immediately snuggled up beside him. They remained silent, while Sander kept editing, trying not to smile too much, and Robbe watched him work. That closeness was amazing. It felt right and Sander wished to stay like that forever.

"I like this one so much. You made me look so good."

"Are you fishing for compliments? Aren't you tired of people telling you how beautiful you are?"

Sander looked at him, raising an eyebrow, and Robbe rolled his eyes, without trying to hide his smile.

"Do you like your job?"

"I do, most of the time. You?"

Robbe sighed, pausing for a long time before answering. "It doesn’t make me feel as happy as it used to, but it’s the only thing I’m good at."

"First of all, I hardly believe it." Sander closed his laptop, placing it on the bedside table, and turned to face the other, giving him his full attention, exactly as he would have done once, during their endless conversations. "Secondly, Robbe, you're just 20. Your life has not even started yet. You can go to college and study whatever you like if you want. I know you probably feel so much older, but you're not."

Robbe slid onto the bed, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. "I just wanna a happy, quiet life." He admitted. He didn't know what he would do without the band, the tour, and the concerts, but at the prospect of being happy, really happy, he could have given up his adrenaline addiction. "No strict schedule, no paparazzi, interviews, or people following me around everywhere."

Sander lay down on his side, supporting his head with one arm. "I bet you already made enough money to retire. You can do everything you want, seriously."

Robbe turned his face to look the other in his eyes. "Not everything." He whispered, shifting his gaze to Sander's lips. "I can't kiss you."

Sander smiled, drawing his face closer and closer. "Do it." He whispered when their lips were close enough to touch.

Robbe placed his hands on Sander's face and closed the distance that separated them, feeling as excited as when they had exchanged their first kiss. Both couldn’t stop smiling, and it was a very uncoordinated kiss at first, but then the feelings they felt for each other took over, reminding them that what they had wanted for so long, was happening.

It was sweet, familiar, healing. Their souls were quieter after that, and when they parted, they both had an incredulous smile on their faces.

"Now your boyfriend will get so mad."

"He's not my boyfriend, and what about Noor?"

"Noor's not my boyfriend either."

Robbe rolled his eyes for the thousandth time during that night, feeling the affection for the other grow a little more each time. "I know you probably think you're funny, but believe me, it's quite the opposite."

"Look at you, being so mean, and so proud of it!" Sander pulled the boy back, placing another kiss on his lips. "But seriously, there’s nothing between Noor and me. Besides, I’ll pretend you haven’t just admitted you asked around about me and her."

Robbe punched Sander's shoulder, snorting. "I saw you, idiot! You're not that subtle!"

"Ouch! So rude." He said while the other kissed him again to be forgiven.

They kept going like that, laughing, kissing, and talking until they collapsed tightly into each other's arms, lulled by an inner peace that both hadn't felt for a long time.