#sorry forgot this site existed for a moment

[eldritchyuri]

layers of skin

[makethatelevenrings]

Somewhere Only We Know - TWO

Chapter Warnings: spoilers for 2x02, swearing but that’s part of the show idk why you would be surprised by that

shoutout to @yanna-banana​ for showing me this Instagram dupe site so I can make this a bit more ~interactive~ since reader is, y’know, a social media manager. also thanks for ur patience my lovelies, i’m having “ahhhh im graduating” depressive states and all my energy is going towards finals and existing rn.

Series Masterlist

“Okay. Laptop. Charger. Keys. Coffee. Shoes. Shoes!”

For some reason, you were a mess this morning. You had been repeating your list of things you needed over and over again and yet every time you kept discovering something else you had forgotten. Your bag lay half-packed on the couch as you ran around like a chicken with its head cut off in pursuit of your shoes. Seriously, how the fuck did you lose the shoes you had grabbed from your closet just a minute ago?

That’s because they were in your hands.

Sighing, you pulled on the sensible flats and took another moment to look around your room and list out all the things you needed for work today. The TV played in a lone drone behind you and you turned your head to see This Morning playing. Philip and Holly were interviewing some guy from that one reality show.

“What about Amy? Are you going to wait for her?” Holly asked.

“Nah, no. I was just playing a game, know what I mean?” the guy replied. Christ, was that Jamie Tartt? It was, wasn’t it. “Find the fittest girl there, have sex with her in the toilet, ask her to marry you. Strategy.”

“Wow,” you drawled before you shut off the TV. “He’s a piece of shit.”

You headed for the door and quickly backtracked. You almost forgot your entire bag and the leftovers from the shoot you had last night. Ugh, you needed more coffee.

~~~

You were scrolling through TikTok in search of a new trend to use for a Richmond video when all five foot two inches of your boss came bursting into your office.

“Oh, sorry! I should have knocked. Get your bag, babes, we’re going to lunch,” she exclaimed. “There’s this cafe that’s a ten minute walk from here and they’ve got the best coffee.”

You knew better than to argue with the pure ball of energy that was Keeley Jones. In the short time you’ve known her, you loved the beaming blonde. She and Rebecca were infectious in their laughter, light, and kindness. When you first interviewed, you were intimidated by the two women, but you quickly learned that they were goofy as hell and always down to gossip.

Grabbing your purse, you dutifully followed Keeley through the maze of hallways. She passed the locker room without a second glance, but you made sure to peek over your shoulder to see a few of the guys streaming out of the doors.

“Yo, Keeley!” someone called. She spun around and waved at whoever yelled and then grabbed your hand, pulling you over to talk to a few of the guys.

“Hi Isaac! Have you met our new social media manager yet? She’s gonna be the one making you all look sexy on the Gram now,” she announced. You offered them a tentative smile and the large man in front of you beamed.

“Isaac McAdoo,” he introduced. You gave him your name in turn and then cleared your throat. You weren’t as charismatic or bubbly as Keeley, but you were trying to make more of an effort. Your last job was filled with a few passive aggressive comments thrown over cubicle walls and then bossa nova jazz everyday. No one had been chatty or nice the way everyone was at Richmond.

“I’ve actually been meaning to set up meetings with all the players,” you explained. “My job is to handle the team’s socials, but I also want to integrate the players' ideas and individual brands. I’d also like to know if anyone is working with a management team so I can coordinate with them on certain posts.”

“Isn’t she fucking brilliant?” Keeley exclaimed.

Isaac puffed out his chest and flexed his biceps. “As long as you make us look good, then I’m in.”

Keeley patted you on the shoulder. “We should get going to lunch, but check your email soon. I’ll make sure we can coordinate times to meet.”

“Awesome. Nice to meet you!” He darted off to go talk to someone else and Keeley slid her arm into the crook of yours so she could lead you out of the building and down the road.

“Isaac’s all bark and no bite unless you’re on the field,” she explained. “Sam is an absolute sweetie and Colin is darling. Richard is my go-to when I need to know a wine pairing and Zoreaux is a beast at Dance Dance Revolution. Bumbercatch is…”

Keeley listed off all the players on the team and you tried to keep a mental catalog of everything she said, but it was making your head spin. You were grateful once she stopped outside a small cafe that was indeed a short walk from Nelson Road. A simple vanilla latte and a chicken cobb salad was your order while Keeley got a complicated drink and a wrap.

The owner, Alex, handed the two of you your drinks and you turned with the intention of finding a table to wait for the food when Keeley stopped short. Some guy stood half-obscured by the plant shelves, but he stepped out once he realized he caught Keeley’s attention.

“Jamie?!” she exclaimed.

“I-I’m not stalking ya,” he blurted out. “I’ve been following you for, like, a few blocks now and I couldn’t text ya because I deleted your number.”

As he rambled on, his words started to fade in and out as you took him in. His slicked back hair made him look like a corny Godfather character and the all black ensemble didn’t help. You could understand why people fawned over him with that strong jaw and blue eyes, but as his lips moved all you could hear was his smarmy talk from the show this morning. 

“So, yeah, I’ve been following you for the last few blocks. No, I’m lying. I’ve been following you for your whole lunch hour. But I’ve just been trying to build up the courage to say hi…so…hi.” His voice trailed off and he shrugged.

“That’s, like, the definition of stalking,” you murmured which drew his attention to you. Jamie Tartt was starting to feel like a bad omen that was following you around.

“Hi, sorry. Jamie Tartt.” He offered you a cocky smile that you recognized from the TV that morning and you merely glanced down at his outstretched hand. You had no idea where that hand had been. Raising a single eyebrow, you let your gaze trail up from his hand to his face.

“I’ll go find us a table,” you said to Keeley before you brushed past him and found an empty table by the window. You always loved sitting by the window and watching the world pass by. You could make up stories about the people that passed by. Like the lady walking two poodles. Maybe she was some CEO or maybe she was an undercover agent. That would be sick as hell.

“Sorry about that, babe,” Keeley apologized. She placed your salad in front of you and then took the seat across from you. “Now, I just want to say that your idea about meeting all the players? Brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant. When we get back to the office, we can set up a calendar for everyone to schedule a time to meet with you. How’s that sound?”

“That’s great. I really love working here.” You looked towards the door where Jamie Tartt was heading out of, a coffee clutched in his hand. He glanced back at the table you were sitting at and you immediately looked away and back at Keeley. You offered her a tight smile and nodded along to whatever she was saying.

Hopefully that was the last time you would ever see Jamie Tartt.

Tag List: @shiptheship​

[bunny-hoodlum]

#20, 33, 34, and 35 please!!

Sorry this is late! Wanted to think about my answers more, but I forgot to even read the original questions this whole time, so I def' didn't get to think about my answers, whups. 😅

Thank you for ask, @dayseternal-blog!! 🥰

How do you approach action sequences or intense moments?

I haven't written anything action, it makes me cringe because I don't think I know what I'm doing, but I read that short sentences are best for this and I would agree. Choppy, curt sentences would give that sense of blow for blow feeling that action needs, and it would give the sense of it happening seconds of each other, or even simultaneously. I would probably look for an action scene to copy tbh, and try to write the choreography in a choppy way. Emotionally intense moments can be the same, I suppose. Idk what I do personally, I think I'm an Intuitive writer. Once I'm in the emotion of the scene or character, I just go for it and my heart beats really fast usually and it's wrenching and it's awesome and then it just exists and it feels right. (Until I reread it a month or so later. 🙈 Jk, time isn't the problem, my inconsistent headspace is. 🤭)

How do you incorporate world-building elements into your fics?

So, at this point and as you know, I'm veryyyyy comfortable writing my modern AUs as if they were based in Japan. Even though I don't think Konoha could feasibly be as big as Tokyo with the size of Hi no Kuni, I just write it as if it is. 😅 I pull from the real world to some extent, usually Uzushio is a mix of Okinawa and Taiwan, but I also have some AU where it's pretty damn impoverished, so it's going to be a mix of Macau and Haiti. Sometimes Suna is a mix of Macau and Vegas, haha. I guess Dubai and Macau would probably be more... unique. 🤔 I focus on food and architecture more than deeper things like politics and style of governance and whatnot, because my characters only experience those things passively as ordinary citizens do. Whenever I get back to Powerless, the shady secret government program plotline will actually matter more than Slice of Life stuff, so in that instance I will have to map out history, organizations and their affiliations, how secret programs are run, etc. It just depends on what my story needs. Usually backstory kind of comes to me on its own and that informs me of the world. Can't really think of anything else. 🤔 Making things familiar is the main aim every time, though. Dango to a Japanese is like sugar-cinnamon pretzels to us in the US or whatever, it's a familiar snack you can get pretty easily. That's the kind of immersion I try to keep in mind.

Are there any fic writing tips or tricks you've learning along the way that you'd like to share?

Proofread before posting. Proofread again when you wake up the next day after posting. You'll always miss something, but give yourself the first week to catch all the typos you might've missed. 😂

I guess I recommend reading your dialogue aloud? Maybe your whole fic? My inner monologue is pretty damn loud, so I like to trust my word flow is good because I'm practically reading it aloud in my head. I recommend letting characters interrupt each other. Unless perhaps both parties are really solemn about getting to the bottom of the issue or respect each other or both, that neither interrupts the other, but their emotions would be raging to speak up in the midst of all that patience. Figure out your own writing process. If outlining sucks out the fun, try writing the whole thing without guidance but be sure to analyze the story's direction with what you produce. I recommend the flashlight method for pantsers like myself, there are other methods as well, but a little organization goes a long way. I lastly recommend the "One Stop for Writers" site, their Emotion Thesaurus is such an amazing tool. When you just need to reference things quickly, it's very robust.

What do you enjoy the most about being a fic writer?

Between the community aspect and kind of being known for certain things, I think those are pretty even. I enjoy the act of creation and all that, but having something I experienced along the way and having the pride of it being mine is pretty damn cool. And the community makes that feeling even better.

[boltlightning]

sorry bout the comment. this new tumblr junk is super weird and i still haven't gotten used to it. anyway. 23 + 25, please? :)

you're good, it's a bad webbed site sometimes!!!

23. that was inspired by a work from another medium (music, visual art, dance, etc.)

anything i've ever written on the flying dutchman takes cues from the wood engravings by gustave doré of the rime of the ancient mariner. they feel like so much life has been frozen in one moment and it's perfectly haunting.

which is why it is very fun putting the wiles of the ship up against cutler "the immaterial has become immaterial" beckett in monsters of men:

The Flying Dutchman’s physical form is unreal. The deck is solid beneath Beckett’s feet, yet part of his brain rejects its very existence. The rot and decay in every facet of her being does not affect her structure or efficiency, and her men cannot die, so Jones need not worry about amenities so mundane as hygiene or welfare. Much of the ship is made of sailors who had once kept her sailing, working endless and endless and endless years of service until they forgot they were separate entities.  Beckett is all too aware of how different he is, how little he belongs here. He strides with confident steps across the squirming deck. The ship stops whispering to him, recognizing he is immune to her thrall; the walls even pull away from him as he enters the captain’s cabin.

25. that you consider a favorite

it is no secret that windfall, first of the potc+dragon fics, is near and dear to me, if only for situations like this:

There are further changes, mundane as his uniform. While Norrington had long grown used to wearing the wig on duty, he quickly discovers it is more hassle to wear it and remove it for flying than it is to not wear it at all. He admits to himself that he will not miss it, particularly not in the Caribbean heat. He supposes he could lean on powder for the fair-haired look — but that would be stripped out by the wind near instantly. Only his uniform would designate his rank here on in, and that seems like a breach in decorum for any officer, let alone a commander. He poses the dilemma to Tempest. The dragon stares and says, at length and not unkindly, “Why does it matter, James?” That puts the issue to rest rather quickly. Norrington will wear his full ensemble at any formal events, of course, but for daily flying, the wig remains at home.

writing excerpt asks!

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Hi I’m sorry to bug you (pun intended) but do you mind explaining everything you listed in the 2023 tumblr bug poll. I’ve been here all year but I don’t think I understand all of the options. You have been really fun to follow this year I appreciate your presence in our community :)

thank you Anon 1 that is very kind of you to say!!!! :)

All right, buckle up folks:

Get Back day-by-day re-watch (January): In January some people on decided to rewatch the bits of Get Back from that specific date, some also went through the nagra tapes of that day. They'd make cool compilation posts with moments that stuck out to them. I just remembered it was actually called Get Backuary :) I didn't really participate though because January is a busy time for me, in general.

Beatles poll wars (around February-April): once the poll feature reached bug tumblr we started having a LOT of polls and it caused a not insignificant amount of discourse and accusations of "bootlicking" or whatever lol. Interestingly, we discovered that Paul and George have roughly the same amount of fans (taking ~35% each) and John and Ringo also have about the same amount of and only about half as many fans (~15% each).

McLennon Conspiracy Blogger Disappearance Event (April): I explained this here, though I forgot to mention that in mid-April this blogger went scorched earth and dropped off tumblr completely. One time they made a post insinuating that no one's ever bothered wondering why John was depressed in 65/66 (and implied it was because THEY knew McLennon had broken up for a while or something)… Sir, this is the John Lennon Psychoanalysis Website.

Eyes of the Storm (June): Paul published a book and held an exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery featuring tons of never before seen pictures from late 1963 to early 1964. Very fun time though people randomly claimed the majority of the pics were John when that wasn't really true lol there was just a general bias in which pictures from the gallery got shared.

Now And Then announcement + initial discourse (June): in a radio interview to promote said gallery, Paul offhand mentioned he had used Peter Jackson's AI technology to isolate John's vocal and "the last Beatles song" would be released later this year. There was a first wave of discourse from people thinking Paul was gonna use an AI-generated John vocal, rather than use AI to isolate an existing vocal (this was so frustrating because it was so clear in context what Paul meant but online news just ran with it). Then, there was a second wave of discourse (which was revived upon the songs release) over the extent of George's involvement and how much he would have wanted this.

Beatles song tournament (July–August): A sideblog was created to do a Beatles song poll battle. It got a bit intense lol. Everyone started hatejerking about Hey Jude beating A Day In The Life in the semi-finals.

Top Worm™ (August): Literally One Of The Greatest Moments On This Site. Also, let no one tell you John wasn't Top Worm. It is law.

Now And Then song + video (November): think this one's self-explanatory but basically Now And Then came out, we all reacted to it, the video came out the next day and was kinda hilariously bad but in the funniest way possible, George Discourse Part 2 and also How Much Is Paul Allowed To Change John's Song Discourse which I found puzzling lol. Someone said him removing a verse was "Paul Rewriting History". fantastic. no notes. what a time to be alive.

[witchcraftandgeekness]

im having the fun phenomenon of tumblr telling me that theres activity, but then when i look at it there no activity

i just checked your tumblr and yes its bc youre schrodingers tumblr apparently

Well, I have something similar, it doesn't always show me thing even when notifications claim there must be something. For example, I sent myself an ask to see if I can receive them (it was a mistake because apparently I can receive but at that moment I forgot I can't send them), and I have my inbox showing me there's one unanswered ask, but when I open, only empthiness faces me.

Besides the point, but if you will look under any post I rebloged, you will not see my reblog, and neither will you see any of my old replies (I cannot leave new ones) and probably likes. It brings an existencial question of, "Do I even exist? Or it is just me imagining that I do?".

Also, my posts (all of them, new ones and old ones) do not exist in tags, so technically they are also Schroginers and exist only in my blog (or as reblogs in blogs of others). Can they be considered ghosts? We will never know.

Anyway.

I contacted Tumblr Support twice, and both times I received email with about this:

As you may guess, I am not reporting any posts, so I dunno. Will I get any help rn? Debatable. Probably not.

So, yeah, the only good thing about this is you defining my blog as Schrogingers, because it sounds funny and damn accurate to the case.

Sorry, I got carried away. This site gets me more and more upset everyday.

[penname-artist]

Making this post late cuz I forgot to (also I spent the whole evening after I'd known about it reblogging pictures of nature for the rest of y'all to drown in (you're welcome I'm not sorry)) but essentially, after having this thing up for, what, a year and some odd amount of change, AO3 (or whoever filed a complaint at me) decided my fanfic overview was not fit for AO3. Unfortunately this is also not the first time I've gotten a piece taken down from the site, so rather than a warning, this one did actually result in a temporary suspension from posting any new works or editing any pre-existing ones. I hate to disappoint but this does mean all my works are currently in stasis until they're able to be updated again. I'm hopeful to use this downtime to build up a small library of works that I can post once I am allowed to again. Wishful thinking given the level of not-okay-ness I've had this week, but I'm still optimistic.

And honestly, while I am still pissy at the situation and the fact that they've only chosen now (a year plus later) to address it, I do still fully understand Ao3's reasoning behind taking this piece down, as it was not in itself a fanfic. It was a collection of information around other fanfics. Which counts as listing and isn't an adequate form of fanworks for the site. I hadn't known this fact prior, however, because the section of text that tells you what you can and can't post to AO3 is so hard to find it took me twenty minutes just to figure out where it even was. For safety's sake I may take down my old Tidbits collection too and leave it as a Tumblr-exclusive (it works better on Tumblr in any case). But that won't be until the lift, since again, I...can't edit my shit, so. Stasis it be for the time being.

And on the part of the fact it took that long to even address it, I really don't know where to be mad in the first place; I don't know if this was simply on the part of the staff not having noticed it up until now, or on the part of an AO3 user putting in a complaint and they're just now getting to it. Whatever the reasoning, it sucks that this is only being put on me now. Honestly as a personal opinion I think it would be nice to have a drop-down in the post section of AO3 with a refresher on what does and doesn't count as fanworks. But that's just me. And at least the suspension time isn't crazy, it'll be gone by mid-June, and it's not like I can't still use AO3 in general, I can do all but post or update my own works. In the grand scheme of things this really was just a slap on the wrist, so it won't affect much else.

So yeah that's what's up at the moment y'all, not much else to report other than depressive episodes suck, and I have crocheted a mini Pen that you'll see when her hair's sewn in and I finish crocheting her some pants. But you'll eventually see it! I'm very proud of it.

Yeah anyways I'm gonna go get ready for work now LOL

[sugurugetoswife]

Junpei Yoshino✨

Junpei x fem! reader

Type- Songfic (Song- Let me down slowly by Alec Benjamin)

Warnings- JJK Season 1 spoilers, bit depressing, mention of bullying, stress, ciggarette marks, emotional fic, loads of crying.

Author's note: When I started writing I didn't felt it would turn out to be depressing... I myself was sad after I read this for like how long idk... But I love this boyy so anything for him...

This night is cold in the kingdom

I can feel you fade away

From the kitchen to the bathroom sink and

Your steps keep me awake

It was a long exhausting day for Junpei at the school and now all he wanted was to go back home before anyone spots him, corners him and makes him their stress relief toy. He was picking up his speed with those scary recollection running in the back of his head, as a highschooler he should probably be making good and fun memories but it was other way round for him. On his way home he had to pass through a pretty water reservoir, he'd lie if he wasn't tempted at the calmness the water possessed. Junpei gulped hard as he glanced over at the vicinity to find any human traces around him and he found none. Breathing in a huge amount of air and letting it pass the very next second, this was his way to put his mind and thoughts at ease. He went and sat over at one of the stairs and keenly watched how the basalt- textured concrete stairs ended and got connected to the raw land with tiny wheat grass then finally connecting to the water body. He closed his eyes enjoying the calm flow of water, it was melody to his ears. He was so engrossed that he probably didn't notice the overfilled dark clouds in the sky which started pouring. One would hate the rain for ruining their happy- peaceful moment but for Jun' it was cherry on the cake.

Don't cut me down, throw me out, leave me here to waste

I once was a man with dignity and grace

Now I'm slippin' through the cracks of your cold embrace

So please, please

He loved it when it rained cause then no one would even bother notice him, he'd stay in anonymity forever. Those water droplets falling on his head felt like nature's way of littering kisses over him. It would remind him of his childhood days when he used to roam around and live a stress free life, spend time with his mom during dinner or while working on assignments, gossiping around with friends or playing with them on the playground, when stress never existed in his life; the pressure of being strong, brave, perfect never was bombarded upon him but now it was all a distant memory and nothing else. Suddenly the pouring stopped but he could still hear the pitter- patters. He hastily opened his eyes only to find shadow of a human figure with an umbrella, his body shivered inside out and then he felt a cold hand sliding over his shoulder. He cursed himself mentally for not heading home and enjoying these little things; he forgot these things weren't meant for weak people like him. His body was all alert and ready to cave in the torture but instead a sweet voice paved it's way into his ears.

"Umm, sorry if I scared you that wasn't my intention."

But Jun' just couldn't trust anyone for their sweet voice and appearances, the amount of bullying he had been experiencing was mostly from these familiar faces who appeared normal but had a evil side. He had seen it all from boys to girls, no one would leave a chance to bully him and those who have witnessed it would turn a blind eye towards the situation. He was done with all of this, he shut his eyes close with the thought of what he has to go through more after being punched, kicked, verbally abused, marked with burning cigarette on his forehead, what more, what more... make it stop please, make it stop...

Could you find a way to let me down slowly?

A little sympathy, I hope you can show me

"Make it stop please, not anymore... "

He whispered softly but were incoherent to you, all you could see was he had his face hidden in his hands and his bangs covered half of the site perfectly.

"Are you ok?"

He wasn't sure if he should look at you or not but he did and terror was clear in his eyes. You couldn't help but question him,

"Woah Jun',you look like you saw a ghost or something."

If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely

If you're leavin', baby, let me down slowly

Let me down, down, let me down, down, let me down

Let me down, down, let me down, down, let me down

"Ahh, Y/N, it's you!!"

You could see him puff out a huge sigh of relief, what was he so stressed about. The very next moment you crouched near him still holding the umbrella over his head.

"I figured you wouldn't have had bought an umbrella so I followed you, sorry if I disturbed your little peace- session amongst yourself, if you want I'd just leave you alo- "

Before you could even utter another word he softly grabbed you arm and smiled at you which was enough to portray he still loved and appreciated your company.

"No, wait stay... "

That pretty smile and those words were all needed to make your day rather week to be honest, the very next moment without even thinking if you're uniform would all get soaked in dirt or not you found yourself sitting besides him.

"It's pretty soothing here, ain't it? "

He grabbed the umbrella from your hand and gave you a reassuring smile on the statement, you left the once tight hold on the handle and now Junpei was the one shielding both of you from the rain with the umbrella.

If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely

If you're leavin', baby, let me down slowly

After a minute or so Junpei got up and all you did was looked him. He looked so pretty with those raindrops across his half hidden face, he's eyes were sad even though he had the most prettiest smile planted "the prettiest smile hide the deepest scars" something you would always be reminded every time you glance at Junpei's features.

...

You became friends with Junpei during a chemistry group project. You were chosen as the leader with everyone's consent in your group which consisted of total five people: You, Junpei, Chiyo, Sayama and Nishimura.

"Hmm... To start of with, we'll equally divide the work and everyone will report their progress to me regularly without forgetting, I want our project to be better than that Shota Ito and his dumbass team, everyone understand!! "

The competitiveness in your voice was quite enough for Chiyo and the three boys in the group to take you and the work designated to them seriously.

"If anybody has any doubt, do not fear, call me or text me, am I clear?! "

"Yes captain."

All of them sang in a symphony. You were not ready to lose against Shota even when you had two of his minions in your group. You had to show him who has the upper hand here.

"Especially you both- Sayama and Nishimura, if I find even one percent of suspicion that you're leaking information from my teams hardwork to that dumbass Ito then better be ready to get your ass beaten off cause I won't tolerate that behavior, do you understand?"

"Yes-s, w-we won't, why-yy would we!"

Were all the words that left their mouth, Junpei was shocked enough to see the control and confidence in your aura that let the people who bullied him bow down to you. He did admire you from that very day but was also lowkey scared of how you'd behave with him. But to his surprise you were at the best of your behavior when you're with him and Chiyo, just cold to Sayama and Nishimura. During the time the group project lasted no one even looked at him, bullying was far by gone, he felt safe in your presence.

Tomorrow was the final day- the day of submission, you had gathered everyone at you're home for the last rehearsal,

"Chiyo, the apparatus, check? "

All the eyes which were on Y/N, as she was calling out names from the sheet and their respective tasks, now landed on Chiyo who cheered in response,

" Check ☑"

"Sayama and Nishimura, the mind maps and charts, check?"

Junpei didn't bother to look up at the mere mention of their names as they both boringly chimed,

"Check ☑"

"Jun', you're explanation sheet, check?"

Jun' ?, did you just nickname him or was he just hearing things,

"Check ☑"

Blushing he answered which didn't went unnoticed by you.

"So for the very last time we are going to perform this whole thing from start to end, okay?"

Finally the day arrived and everything was in it's place, Chiyo placed the apparatus' perfectly, Sayama and Nishimura didn't cause any nuisance which was a great win-win, now it was your's and Junpei's turn to garnish the perfection, all eyes were on Junpei and you. You met Junpei's trembling gaze and encouraged him, he took a deep breath and started to speak off everything as practiced,

"So today we are going to determine the molarity of potassium permanganate solution by using standard solution of F.A.S also known as Mohr's salt... "

You took the lead and started performing the experiment side by side, it went smoothly and finally the whole class saw Junpei in a different light which you were totally unaware of- unaware of the effect you had on Junpei, unaware of how you brought Junpei out of his little bubble. Junpei had caught eyes of everyone in his school as a weak but today you made him stand in the spotlight, which of course wasn't appreciated by bunch of assholes. Junpei gained the confidence which had been long lost once again because of you. Lo- behold, you're group project was in top three for the chemistry exhibition and even got chosen for it over Shota Ito's project.

Cold skin, drag my feet on the tile

As I'm walking down the corridor

But it just got tougher for Junpei after that as he now became an easy and only target of Shota and his group. Everyday, each day he'd get beaten but as the school bell rung the only thing the occupied his mind instead of pain was meeting you outside the school and walking home with you. You made all the pain fade away. You both became each other's habit.

And I know we haven't talked in a while

So I'm looking for an open door

Today you didn't attend school and this wasn't neglected by Shota, he cornered Junpei in an alley and did what they always do but this time to an extent where Junpei was left unconscious. When he came back to his senses he was shocked with the amount of pain his body was bearing, he couldn't take it anymore. The next day he saw you in class but ignored your presence, he stopped talking to you, cut off every means of contact with you.

You tried talking but all he said was he needed space and that's how distance between you two grew- you couldn't force him to talk and he never tried to.

Don't cut me down, throw me out, leave me here to waste

I once was a man with dignity and grace

Now I'm slippin' through the cracks of your cold embrace

So please, please

Today the weather was unusual clearness in the atmosphere, with distant objects seen distinctly, indicating it was about to rain. Now you were used to walking home alone with this empty, lost feeling burying deep inside the pit of your heart; everyday the pit would go inch deep as you felt the loneliness. You were halfway through your home when you saw Junpei sitting near the lake with eyes peacefully closed, it's been ages you had seen him this calm.

You went to him...

...

"Let's go, it's raining heavily."

He reached out to grab your hand but you weren't just ready to let this succumbing tranquility go yet.

"Can we stay for a bit longer I don't remember the last time I was with you... Please let me be, please Jun'."

Your eyes were puffed not because of the rain but because your heart found it's missing piece back, guess Junpei just didn't noticed it as the rain camouflaged it.

"We can walk home together, come let's go."

He grabbed your arm almost forcing you a bit to walk home with him as if he didn't wanted to stay with you yet wanted to, you've never ever witnessed this sight of Junpei.

"Jun', don't do this to me, don't be so nice to me when all you do at the end is cut me down, throw me out and leave me alone, wasted; moments before you said stay and now you wanna go, you cannot play around with me."

Snatching your arm out of his grip you almost left the boy speechless, he has to know what you went through and he has to let you know what was the reason he did let you go through it.

"Y/N, I-"

You cut through his words sharply but never intended to come out rude, you have to know what made him distance himself from you, what was it... You couldn't live in peace, you couldn't sleep, eat, rather even do a single task without that thought going through your mind.

"All I ever wanted was to be with you- if somethings bothering you, tell me, share with me, I'm always here to liste-"

"There's nothing you can do about it-"

Coldly cutting you off, he gave up in between those words but you won't just let if go cause for the world it might be stupid but for you Junpei mattered, he did.

Frustration took over you as he kept avoiding your questions and twisted and turned them, placing them in front of you as your next challenge.

"You can't say that before even trying."

All this time throughout the conversation Junpei's back faced you but very next second you could see his glistening face again which was more than enough for you to fall for him again.

"I know for a fact you cannot, that's why! "

You have to tell him, let him acknowledge that yes, you do love him, you had fallen for him but he never gave you the chance to interpret those feelings.

"Just once tell me, if I can or cannot is not in your hands-"

He threw the umbrella towards the side as rage took over him, he pulled up his bangs making the newly burned ciggarette marks visible on his forehead.

"Can you handle this, no you cannot, you probably are as disgusted as others are... "

Could you find a way to let me down slowly?

A little sympathy, I hope you can show me

"Jun'..."

If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely

If you're leavin', baby, let me down slowly

Let me down, down, let me down, down, let me down

Let me down, down, let me down, down, let me down

You knew he was vulnerable, shy, introvert but you never imagined this would be the reason; when he told the whereabouts of the incident. After that he never spoke, never made a sound but the look in his eyes exactly told you what he felt.

If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely

Junpei turned his back as he was about to leave with a thought that yes, the last person he'd expect would understand him is also the same as others when he felt a warm embrace and hot tears over his shoulder-blade skin. It was you, you hugged him, you did.

If you're leavin', baby, let me down slowly

"Y/N, don't ever think that everyone who leaves wants to."

And I can't stop myself from fallin' (down) down

Could you find a way to let me down slowly?

At this statement of his your tears were brimming out of control with the pouring rain, he turned towards you and all you could do is hug him back tightly, he could feel the love, anger, pain, every feeling of yours through that hug alone. That was the person you fell for, who could depict your feelings through your body language.

A little sympathy, I hope you can show me

If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely

If you're leavin', baby, let me down slowly

Let me down, down, let me down, down, let me down

Let me down, down, let me down, down, let me down

"Jun', I love you, enough to fight for you, compromise for you and sacrifice myself for you if needed. Enough to miss you incredibly when we're apart or close. Enough to believe in you and stand besides you in he worst of the time's. I do love you Jun'. "

If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely

If you're leavin', baby, let me down slowly

If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely

If you're leavin', baby, let me down slowly

I hope you made it till the end, ik one hell of a emotional rollercoaster, maybe a bit cringeyy too...

@ 13/05 — please do not translate, modify or plagiarize my work for devil's sake...

Reblogs are always appreciated

[putschki1969]

2022/10/17 Blog post by Wakana  クリスマスコンサートだよ！〜月下美人も咲きました！〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ Do ❗NOT SHARE❗ on other sites ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

It’s a Christmas Concert！〜My Queen of the Night Bloomed Again！〜

Last night, my Queen of the Night bloomed〜＼(^o^)／This is how she looked during the day. Just about to burst into blooming. This time, 3 blossoms came out at the same time✨🌼🌼🌼✨ I'm super happy about that because it's been a long time since my plant has bloomed 🥰Surprisingly, the scent was pretty strong yesterday 😳I wonder why? It felt more overwhelming than usual, the scent spread throughout the entire house😳 I wonder if it's because three buds started blooming at the same time 🤔 But that’s something that has happened before so I am not sure why the scent was this strong...🤔Maybe I just forgot about the strong smell🥺 The mystery deepens... 

Hello, this is Wakana (0￣▽￣0)／ 

Maybe it's because I didn't water my baby enough during the hot summer months? 😳Somehow the nutrients might have been successfully preserved in the flowers? I have no idea (´ε｀ ) I will post pictures of the blossoms on Instagram, so please check them out🧚💕 

Well, the other day, we finally got to announce my "Wakana Classics 2022 ~Christmas Special~"!! ️\\\\٩( 'ω' )و //// This is gonna be my third time ending the year with a concert at Kioi Hall🥰✨I am so grateful that I have been able to hold this sort of concert for three years in a row ever since 2020. Back then during, the world had changed completely and it made me almost desperate to share my music with you. However, there were many moments when I despaired at how little I could do, I was confronted with so many of my weaknesses and inadequacies. Those days were filled with a lot of self-reflection and I felt like I was a huge burden to everyone...(TдT)←To be honest, I still feel this way...Even so, everyone came to see and provided warm support, I was truly grateful. It once again made me realise that live concert can only exist with the help of many people coming together. In that way, I feel Kioi Hall is filled with lots of precious memories.

Now this year will be my third time at the venue, my concert will be held on December 25th, Christmas Day! ️🦌🎅✨I'm sorry for picking such a festive date, hopefully I am not interfering too much with your schedule for this once-in-a-year special occasion😂😂I would be more than happy to spend such a wonderful day with you, so please be sure to come!! This time, we are also offering a special ticket 🥰It includes a present 🎁 and some as-of-yet unspecified fun after-live-activitiy. I'm so excited! (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡ What should we do!? Would you like to have a gyoza after-party with me?! *laughs* No, I'm sorry, I’m just kidding. We can’t really do that😂😂 But that’s pretty much what I would like to do, I just want to create even more wonderful memories with everyone😍💕 

Last but not least, here are some off-shots from the concert visual shoot 📸Look at me laughing in the second one... 

Until next time~☆(*'▽'*)/ 

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

[absolutebl]

Hello again! Forgive me if you've talked about this before with me, I have the memory of a goldfish. Faraway Wanderers book spoiler question ahead, (if you haven't read the book this won't really apply to the show Word of Honor):

What are your thoughts on Zhou Zishu and his willingness to enter into a relationship with Wen Kexing? For the majority of the novel Tian Ya Ke, he seems to be interested in and annoyed by and tolerant of and amused by Wen Kexing, but even at the moment when the two "get together" at the end, it seems he's still reluctant. As a reader that feels unsatisfying and maybe uncomfortable that he only gets to the point of tolerating Wen Kexing's physical sexual contact. Did I miss something earlier? I know he doesn't mind physical touch in general from WKX over time, but I am curious about your thoughts. Thank you!

Hi Hi!

Sorry I don't read OC 90% of the time. Occasionally something will come out of Japan where I have actually read the manga but only if it had print publication in the USA.

I didn't even know danmei existed until my dash blew up with Untamed. Cdramas were probubly the last piece of Asian content I picked up, and I still dither over watching them.

I went something like:

Yaoi -> JBL (forgot about it) (distracted by life) emotional crisis -> YouTube -> Thai BL + (Kpop) -> Taiwanese BL -> Pinoy BL & Vietnamese BL -> grey sites and illegal content acquisition -> (Korean dramas via Kpop) -> Viki sub -> KBL -> JBL rediscovery (GaGa sub & back catalogue) -> Cdramas (mostly on the perennial hunt of noona romances and because of the pretty robes).

Some of the early CBLs were sprinkled in there when I found them on YT but I didn't really think of them as belonging to a greater oeuvre until much later when I started seriously blogging here and decided to spend all of 2020 watching every scrap of BL content I could get hold of (and developing a tracking system for it).

Frankly the film side took all my focus.

But also, one of my degrees focused on literature so OC (Y-novels or danmai etc...) and fanfic have never been my thing. What I find tolerable or amusing in captions and graphic adaptations, I find intolerable in the full written translation form. Broadly speaking, the characters and plot aren't enough to distract me from problematic prose. (And by that I mean just sentence structure, repeat word use, incorrect word choices, odd grammar.) And before you ask yes I include Twilight, 50 Shades, and quite a few English pillars of fandom in this mix.

Which is not to say I don't enjoy commercial fiction, just that i prefer it if the English is well written at core. Which usually means the translator needs to have English as their first language or be entirely bilingual, and that's just really rare especially with OC BL content.

I know this makes me snobbish. I genuinely love so many other languages, particularly when spoken and as artifacts of socio cultural interaction/representation, but when I read something in English (and that's the only language I read fluently) I get too judgey and it limits my enjoyment.

What we have in English is an excess of nuance due excess vocabulary (and our predilection for bashing other languages on the head and ruthlessly stealing their words). I don't think, in its spoken form, that English is a very pretty language. But in its written form? Its beauty is in its capacity for nuance and flexibility, and a lot of directly translated stuff (particularly that which is done by or for fans) is awkward and almost brutal with my native tongue. It pains me to read and so I... don't.

Like there are subtle use pattern differences between many English words that the thesaurus claims are equal (dour/glum actually mean subtly different things, so too sullen vs surly). So picking the wrong one because you just never learned the alternative makes me wince. Also knowing when really only the original language word will work (like for honorifics) or when a very very old English word is a superior choice because of historical context.

I guess I just get annoyed because it feels clumsy and while I can readily forgive this one medium I can't in another.

Hang ups.

We all got 'em.

[finiffy]

The darkside of scp-999

The scarlet king has taken on many forms and had many children. All of them having a different amount of his power and strength but could destroy the world as the humans knew it.

From the very hard to kill reptile who was functionally immoral and very pissed at any living things short or their siblings, to the 6 children of his 7 brides who all cause major havoc throughs the scp foundation that been working so hard at stopping his attempts to end the world and somehow managing to successfully stop him, to uhhh, the person I shalln't name because I forgot who they were but they were very bad.

All of them except for one. 

The tickle monster, or what those scientists researchers call it Scp-999. Instead of having any more of ability to cause harm or destruction, it simply has the power to induce positive emotions into living beings. It's physical body was soft unlike most of their siblings who had armored scales or tough skin, and it wasn't any short of smart. 

It simply exists to make the living beings feel joy. 

And yet

--------------------

That little bastard had sinister plans to finish what its father started. It may be soft, cute, and stupid......... The scientists lowered their guard around it all the time, and it would crawl all over them, leaving trails of goop... what the scientists didn't know was that that goop had strong abilities to manipulate ones mind. Nobody expects this soft cute bastard to be capable of doing anything besides making people happy... little did they know, they were just recruited into SCP-999's hivemind. SCP-999 was only a child, not even fully formed... no one knew it could grow and change to be something completely different to its current self.

In the beginning, scientists exposed to SCP-999 started to act strangely and it was noted how SCP-999 was no longer orange or very small. Its orange hue began turning to a darker color.... a orange red color. It also began to be more aggressive in its interactions, The scientists that were in the hivemind played off all the changes as normal and not dangerous in the slightest... and since this was SCP-999, people believed them. Little did they know what dangers were coming on the horizon... perhaps a rebirth... or a new Scarlet King... or possibly something far more worse than that. Only time would tell what would happen. 

When the day finally came for the great transformation, the s

--------------------

The Scarlet King, the day of ruining, the Metamorphosis, twisting flesh and bone out of an orange cocoon, a pulsating mass, the great carnage emerging, the day the sky cries blood upon the filth that inhabit it, the end of days, the fall of life, the darkest... The...

On the floor of Site 19 lays a normally happy orange blob, slowly waking up from a nightmare making a dissatisfied gurgle. It can hear people arguing. It doesn't like when people argue...

"I fucking told you not to feed it anything with caffeine."

"But it was alcohol."

"THAT'S MY POINT. Clef, what the fuck?"

"Well it was a daiquiri, it was sweet, and this was a good learning opportunity."

"Look at the poor thing, it has a hangover!"

It oozed it's way towards the fowl argument, another gurgle bubbling it's soft, but significantly more melted at the moment, body.

"Lil' guys gonna be fine."

"I can't believe we're going to need to make this a new rule, the 05 is already breathing down the Ethics Committee's necks on people's bullshit down here, people like you just make the job harder, my god."

SCP 999 made a soft murr, curling around Doctor Clef's leg.

"Hey... Sorry, buddy... Hehe..."

Cimmerian stormed off.

The Scarlet

Fanfic created with #FranticFanfic.

[orphicrose]

The Only One

Rick x Reader Fanfiction

Summary : life is strange in the rick and morty universe, as we all know. But things get just that little bit weirder when Rick meets you. Something seems oddly familiar with you, but for once In his life he has no idea why. So he searches from reality to reality to try and see if he had met another version of you, only to realise there where none. You where the only one. That’s when it finally hit him…

This is inspired by a song from Rick and morty that I think is beautiful https://youtu.be/epiOcz3HXNo

I accidentally got carried away and wrote too much, so I will probably just do a part 2 so it’s not to much to read if anyone is interested <3

_________________꧁♥︎꧂_________________

Humans are such fragile creatures, always have been and always will be. You knew that, but you refused to surrender down to it. Not wanting to be included In whatever earth had to offer, so you ran away. And not like how a silly fourteen years old runs away from home, Hah… no.

You left the fucking planet, not leaving behind a single trail or speck of dust for someone to follow you with. Your intelligence and ambition was all you needed to carry yourself through life. Travelling the infinite void of space, soon making a name for yourself. For good and for bad. An ordinary person couldnt even dream nor comprehend the things you’ve experienced or seen. And that’s just how you liked it. Being different. It was truly a gift to be intelligent.

And then there was rick, high IQ and normally not happy about it. Seeing his intelligence as a curse. Rick hadn’t seen it all, it was impossible, but he thought he had seen enough to make a valid opinion on life.

It’s pointless.

Such a bitter man with a bitter view on everything, including himself. You see, when you have an overwhelming amount of knowledge weighing down on your mind, you can go two ways. The first being ricks way, not caring about anything since he has seen how big the universe is and doesn’t see a point.

Then there’s your way, feeling blessed to be able to see things that no one else can, and finding a new reason to live every single day.

You two where polar opposites, but also the same. You where both alone in a universe you felt didn’t need you anymore.

The day both of your worlds collided should have been written down in the history books. It was the day both of your beliefs where almost questioned. Wondering whether fate really does exist.

————————————————

Out of the many things you have done, you’ve never visited the same place twice. Making everyday an adventure, as much of a cliche as that sounds it’s true. Not only that, but you seem to have people after you almost everywhere. For your intelligence, or for revenge. But there is one particular spot you cannot get enough of. Finding yourself there when you lose yourself.

It’s an isolated planet in the middle of the andromeda galaxy. It’s a newly ‘emerging moon’ as you like to call it. In fact, you pretty much founded this planet, since its a recent creation. This also means there is no intelligent life yet evolved, so it is safe for you to do what you please.

You go there often, to watch the two suns set over its small horizon and the thousands of stars come into view. Giving you time to reflect on your life. To appreciate it, but not to regret anything. The stars are far to beautiful to bring your mind to anything negative. The planet itself seems to project the meaning of peace and tranquillity even without life. Maybe that’s why it’s so comforting.

Your thoughts where leaving your mind, as you held your eyes closed. Feeling the breeze brush through your hair gently. That beautiful, genuine smile found its way to your face without you noticing. You where to lost in the feeling of relaxation.

But that soon came to an end. That euphoric state was snapped out of you when you noticed a bright light coming towards you. Getting bigger and bigger in just seconds. Until it became more clear, it was a spacecraft of some sort. A poorly built one to say the least. You sat and watched, mesmerised, as the flames from the object slowly engulfed it. Burning in the atmosphere. Finally hitting the ground, you shook your head and sighed. Being brought back into reality.

The flames took a second to fade after the ship had crashed. And it was clearer to see, it was the stereotypical UFO. The type you’d see in cheesy ski-fi films. But it had encryptions written in English. Which was very unusual, especially for it to be in this part of the galaxy.

What was even stranger was that it didn’t have even the slightest burn mark to it’s metal. Your vision of it became clearer and clearer the closer you got, slowly creeping past the incredibly green trees towards it. But just before you got too close, a figure fell out of the vehicle. Swearing like a drunken sailor.

This is what really messed with you, it was a human. You gasped quietly, not being able to remember the last time you saw one. A mix of feelings rushed over you; confusion, fear, excitement? You couldn’t help but stare, his unique blue hair bounced as he picked himself up, not even bothering to dust off the dirt on his lab coat.

“Fuck! You fucking piece of shit spacecraft. You’ve really done it this time Rick you fucking…” he didn’t finish his sentence, as he kicked the lump of metal. Screaming at the top of his voice.

“Fuck!”

You caught a small glimpse of his face, and recognised him. But you weren’t sure where from. You had met millions of people over the years so he could really be anyone. But there was something so compelling about his character. Something that felt like you where being pushed towards him. Or pulled, by a red string perhaps. Something that was just telling you to interact with him.

You stayed hidden behind a rather tall tree, still collecting your thoughts and questioning whether you should help him. Rick had slumped himself against the ship, putting his hands to his face and grunting. Pausing his breakdown for a second to take a sip from his flask, then proceeding to carry on.

He stayed like this for a good few minutes, before you had decided to approach him. Your curiosity and questions where burning at the edge of your mind. You just had to investigate. Keeping a hand on your weapon tucked neatly in a pocket behind your back. You slowly walked towards him, not even being able to speak before he noticed you.

A gun had been pulled to you, aiming directly between your eyes

“What do you want? I’m not in the mood so just tell me in advance if I should shoot you or not..” his eyebrows furrowed, looking at the hand tucked behind your back.

You rolled your eyes, putting your hands up in surrender. Just how you remembered humans to be. Aggressive and impulsive.

“Calm down, I saw your ship crash. Thought you where in need of some assistance. And put that gun down, god…” to your surprise, he did. With a loud grunt he put his gun back into his pocket and turned away. Usually, he probably would’ve shot on site. And who’s to say he still won’t, but right in this moment he is too preoccupied to care.

“God doesn’t fucking exist…” he mumbled “and I definitely don’t need any assistance!”

You raised an eyebrow at him, watching him as he attempted to fix his broken ship. Opening the lid to the engine and being greeted by a storm of smoke. Now Seconds away from another breakdown.

“Are you… okay?” You hesitantly asked, daring to inch closer to him. Probably was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. He threw the wrench down at the engine as he exploded.

“No, I’m not fucking okay. I lost my grandson, the entire galactic government is after me, I broke my portal gun and I just crashed my ship into a planet with no helpful resources to fix it.!” His speech sped up, and he went dead silent when he stopped talking. Clearly regretting telling you anything. He is usually good at keeping his mind together and keeping his problems to himself. But he had so much adrenaline pumping through his blood, he could barely concentrate.

“I’m, i’m sorry for your loss” is all you managed to get out

“What? Oh no, my grandsons not dead. I just left him somewhere and forgot exactly where…” he spoke slightly softer, still grunting as he tried to analyse his engine.

There was a small silence while you processed everything he had just said. Moving closer to get a look at his engine, you shook your head.

“You’ve burnt it out…”

“Yeah, no shit smart ass” he bit at you

You rolled your eyes and snatched the spanner from the place he had dropped it. Not using it to fix his engine, but you pulled out a small metal box from your pocket instead. Fixing a few pieces together. Rick stood there and watched with a puzzled look on his face. Moving his eyes from the gadget, then up to get a look at you.

His eyebrows softened as he took in your features, the creases in his forehead disappeared. A rush of a strange feeling replaced the adrenaline, not being able to pinpoint what it was but he didn’t like it. He could only describe it as his heart softening, and getting lost in a place that was familiar to him. Thats what he felt when he looked at your eyes, reflecting off of his.

“Hav-have we met before?” He said in a much calmer tone

You placed the gadget on the engine and pressed a small red button on the top, looking up at him.

“I don’t think so?” The box moved around the engine, like a shield. Fixing it effortlessly, Ricks eyes darted from you, to the engine, then back to you. Now with amazement written all over his face.

Deja vu was the only state good enough to describe what he was experiencing. You broke the silence by holding a hand out to introduce yourself.

“I’m y/n”

It took a quick second for him to respond, still trying to process your face and remember how he knows you.

“I’m… Rick” he finally shook your hand.

“Rick Sanchez..”

That name was oddly familiar to you. Like you’d heard it in a dream. Or it was a loved ones name in a past life. You felt like you had heard it before, in a very distant memory. But no recollection of the connection.

“That seems…familiar” you tilted your head, squinting your eyes at the old man who gave you the same look.

“Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew me. I am the smartest man In the universe”

[alberivh]

the fall of the prince

summaries : losing your visions and memories became a great loss to your lover, kaeya.

characters : kaeya alberich x GN! Reader

contains : heavy angst, memory loss, injuries, major character death.

A/N : this is a request from @mika-zuko !! I really love the idea mika gave so i decided to combine both of it together and make some twist in it. So i hope you all enjoy this especially you mika <33 , have a great time reading this! (( ah yes this is very shitty because of my really bad writing block right now, so i’m sorry if this doesn’t fit your liking ))

“do you remember me?” He ask. His tears are now forming into his right eyes, edging it onto the corner where it belongs. He try to loved you, the same as ever even after the day you’re visions begone from your side. but where are those emotions he always felt when you were in his embrace, Are you hesitating to fall for him?

“My apology sir..but who are you exactly?”

This sentence full which just fall through out your mouth, terrified the spine of his frail structure. He’s been waiting for you to come home and love him again, but where are those lingering promises you left at his ears, is it just a lie for you to forget the burden of your misery when you were with him?

Kaeya slowly let you out from your embrace. Embarass and scared for his life. He was painfully not in the structure to see you in the eye. So he let out a word before he ran to the other side of the road forcing his tears to hold it back before you could even reach his arms.

“ah..i see then, nice to meet you..guest from afar.”

The cavalry captain bow to your side, leaving a ungestured mark on your face. He was tearing up, not knowing how to react. He was completely unstructured, even diluc noticed it. He was numb for the whole week, thinking so many way for you to remember him again. You remember the way those monstadt’s citizens talk or walk their way through out the open wind of the nations gate. you remember your family members, you even remember the unlucky adventurer, bennett. you remember your own name still you forgot the last piece of your name, his last name. Yet, why won’t you remember him?

It hurts him. He was mentally abusing himself for being someone who aren’t worth to be remembered by you, at least remember the piece of me my love.. he begs you to remember his hopeless plea even if it meant for you to not love him again, he wants you to remember him.

paperworks are now his only friends. Keeping him in nights where he feel hopeless and numb. diluc have mention how different kaeya has been acting after you cameback to monstadt. Though, you could only reply with a confused-question that would’ve explain all of your memory loss to diluc. As he also never mention your lost vision, knowing you could still have those elemental power without the visions itself.

Diluc doesn’t want kaeya to know the truth, he wants kaeya to avoid his losses. A frame of his sympathy for his own brother.

“who..? I don’t know a man named kaeya..who is he master diluc?”

2 months of his isolation and numbness from the sight of you, he became more of a shadowy figure instead of a person. As now the nights called him as the ‘loss prince’. An emergency assignment has been trusted to both kaeya and you, kaeya doesn’t wanted to accept this mission but maybe, fate would turn their heads onto his heart, no?

you were both in the road to the abyss herald domain jean has mention to your both assignment. You couldn’t kept talking to him even after you introduce yourself to him, you though he was ‘the lost guy’ you imagine him to be. is there something wrong with him? You realized. do i ever knew him? You hold your grudge to ask him, he was just your senior now, after all.

“captain kaeya..i think we should just fight this t—“

“No need, just investigate as what jean said. I’ll be here to fight this herald.” , words couldn’t comprehend his frustration after losing you and the memories of you loving him. He was severely depressed, yet he still couldn’t managed to find a way for you to comeback again to his side. He was murmuring something, as if it was a mantra for you to stay with him, observing him to pieces just like the first time ever.

As he was about to touch your arms to protect you, he lost his balance. Making him fall to the hard dusty floor of dry bloods and rocks. But why are there a hints of fresh blood? Figuring out any keys that lead him to know any momentum that just happened now, he found your figure. Shaping a name out of a heavy breath, you are calling for someone to recognize it.

“kaeya alberich…yes..kaeya alberich..” , hinting a glaze of sadness to kaeya’s dark eyes. You were trying to remember him.

“h-hey what happened? Didn’t i just—“

“darling..it’s you..it’s you..” , you looked like you about to guilt trip yourself and it hurts him even more. Why are you punishing yourself through out something you couldn’t control? You were trying to remember him, yet the guilt inside you couldn’t make you scream your apology to his now teary face.

Heavy injuries covered your arms and chest. Making those injuries a fatal wounded area for you to live. Kaeya was making sure you’re safe, he doesn’t want you to die like this even after you remembered him again. He wants you to fell in love with him again.

the abyss herald knew you, after all they were in debt of your sacrifice to safe kaeya’s life.

“somehow..i couldn’t remember anything about you..it sucks kaeya..i loved you so much..please..just please save me..i-i really don’t want to die..”

“I just remembered you..i just loved you all over again..let-let me loved you again and again..archon’s..archon’s—“

Squeaking through your pain in agony, you could feel as if you were squeeze in kaeya’s embrace. It was so tight it could even let you remember everything you both has passed through. You were dying as you remembered him. It was painful yet so comforting. The injuries are hurting you and it make kaeya lose his self controls. He wants you to love him again but not like this. Why are you dying? I though you loved me?

As you try to comforted him in your last moments, soothing his hair until your darken eyes and soul-less arm speak it condition. you told him the truth of your memory loss and love for him. Everything for my lover, even after i couldn’t stay with them till the eternity.

“kaeya..darling..i missed you..s-so much..visions and such aren’t important.. i just l-loved you so much..i loved you..-“

your breathing ends, your flawless blood are now drying it’s corner from your body. You still hold onto him very closely, even after you learn how apologies couldn’t forgive fate. A swift stroke from the herald and now you’re gone, bullshit.

He kills the herald in no time, paying no attention to your dead eyes. While Still opening it eyelids, even after the owner of the owner of it’s body die in his lovers arm, kaeya couldn’t make himself to close your eyes. You’re dead and he’s dying out of emotions. Kaeya still brought your corpses to the headquarters, freaking everyone out with his dissastrous unsteady look with a bloodshed corpses in his hand.

“Jean..revived them, my darling remembers me and so should you revived them.”

now you were only a piece of memories in his mind. Your tombstone are just a piece of art that have been borrowed by the God’s to remember your existence. Both, Diluc and kaeya, decided to buried you at the Ragnvindr burial site. Why? the citizens ask for diluc statement. Because you were kaeya alberich significant other, and always have been. As honest or as controversial it might sound, they are the part of the Alberich’s whom was also the part of The Ragnvindr’s.

“father..take good care of my sweetheart upthere won’t you..?”

[my-happy-little-bean]

The Rainbow Manor

pairing: platonic DLAMP  words: 5138 warnings: swearing, references to homophobia, toxic/homophobic parents, brief description of a small injury, blood, brief descriptions of panic/anxiety attacks, crying, angst

a/n - hello friends! hope everyone is doing well! i was lucky enough to be commissioned by the lovely @youronelesbianfriend to write this story (side note, their commissions are open too so...whatcha still doin here, go and do that!). i was overjoyed when i saw the prompt she gave me, and had such a good time writing it! (also inspired me to maybe formally advertise commissions? you can peek at my tumblr every now and then to see if i do, but if you also want one you can DM me!)

so without further ado, here is some content ✨

read on ao3!

—

The Rainbow Manor is a lot of things. 

It’s a home for the biggest family that could exist. It’s a safe haven from the cold, stormy outdoors. It’s the kind of blanket made of the same velvet the night sky is made of; it’s quiet, it’s warm, and it’s filled with stars. All it takes is one step inside and you would find yourself filled with a sense of belonging, of hope. 

You could run the furthest distance away from it all, and the Rainbow Manor would always open its doors to you. 

Patton would know. He was the first one to try. 

~*~ 

“Okay, so here’s what happened,” Roman Prince said, looking down at his clipboard as he weaved him and Patton through the halls. “I was going to show the new people around myself, but then I forgot the paperwork in your office — and then I realized, ‘hey, what better person to show them around than The Man himself!’; capital T, capital M!” 

Patton half-heartedly smiled as he snuck a peek at Roman’s papers. 

“How many are there?” 

“Three, so it won’t be too bad. One of them’s Virgil — you remember Virgil, right?” 

“Right.” Patton smiled fondly, remembering Roman’s birthday party last year. Him and Virgil had shown up covered in cake. He never really saw Virgil after that day, but clearly him and Roman stayed acquainted against all odds.

They turned a corner into the break room where three people sat around a table. Roman clapped his hands. 

“Alrighty! Sorry for the wait.” 

All three of them stood up. The one in the black and purple hoodie—the one Patton recognized as Virgil—rolled his eyes. 

“Waiting is part of the contract with you, Princey.” 

Roman faux-gasped. “Hey, that was one time! And if I didn’t take too long that day, we would have taken the wrong cake!” 

“We did take the wrong cake, Roman. That’s why it exploded.” 

“...Oh yeah.” Roman grinned. “Forgot about that.” 

Virgil shook his head, but showed a hint of a smile. Patton took a step forward to extend his hand out to him. 

“Nice to see you again, Virgil!” He then addressed the two behind him. “And if we’re talking cake, I guess you both can call me Patton-cake!” 

The one wearing a black, short-sleeve button up frowned, adjusting their thin blue tie. 

“I read on the website that your name is Patton Morgan.” 

“It’s like patty-cake, but Patton-cake!” 

“...Right.” 

“Ignore my friend’s simply lively commentary.” The last person stepped forward. They wore a pale-yellow button up under a grey vest. “That’s Logan. Do not be astounded by how that pencil is both sharp and dull — he’s always like that.” 

“And that’s Janus,” Logan seethed, crossing his arms. “They’re always like that.” 

Patton chuckled. “Well it’s nice to meet you both. I’ll show you guys around?” 

They all nodded, following Patton as he led them out the door. The icy awkwardness of first encounters fortunately thawed as conversation quickly blossomed. Patton learned that Logan was the new volunteer manager and was close friends with Janus, who was joining the growing team of counsellors. Virgil, on the other hand, was the newly-appointed social media and communications coordinator; a position Roman used to double as alongside being head of recreation and programming, until he overdid it with the website graphics and crashed the site for two days. Sometimes, change was necessary, Patton learned. 

“So that’s pretty much the whole place!” Patton said brightly at the end of the tour, stopping outside his office. He handed them their job description packages. “I hope you all get situated soon! And if you ever need anything, you now know where my office is!” He motioned to the door with jazz-hands. “Here!” 

“Thank you, Patton,” Logan hummed. He looked around idly. “I must say, I am rather impressed by how well-established and organized the facility is, especially for one that is fairly new.”

“Well call me corny, ‘cause all I can say is ‘aw shucks’!” Patton beamed. “You know, if you told me almost a year ago that I’d be standing here today, I think I’d be impressed too!” He nudged at Roman. “But I obviously didn’t do any of it alone. It’s the people that really make this place home — people like Roman, who’s been with me since the very beginning!”

“Oh, Patton! You make me sound like the hero of this place.” Roman pretended to flip his hair. “So thank you!” 

“A humble hero,” Virgil retorted. Roman just stuck out his tongue at him.

“But in all seriousness, Patton’s downplaying his efforts to the floor!” Roman wrapped an arm around Patton’s waist and pulled him in close. He waved out in front of him. “He’s a true phoenix who rose from the ashes and built this place with his own two hands!” Roman then spun Patton away from him, a trail of giggles following suit. “Plus he does a bunch of other stuff too! He has, like, a gazillion side-gigs, he sometimes volunteers at an animal shelter…” 

“It sounds like you may also be interested in a day off,” Janus piped up.

“It’s really not that much!” Patton awkwardly shuffled where he stood. “I...I like staying busy.” 

Janus tilted their head at him. “Right.” 

Patton shot them a quick smile before diving back into the end of their paperwork. Then the three of them, along with Roman, said their goodbyes and scattered to their respective offices. 

Patton leaned against his office door with a wry smile. They all seemed like nice people, he thought. He was lucky to have them. 

(Roman’s words from weeks ago echoed in his head; the same words that were said to him the night of his first breakdown, when they first called.

“You need all the help you can get, Pat.”) 

And he needed all the help he could get.

~*~ 

A few days later, Patton found himself leaning against the front of his desk, outstretching his hand towards the teen in front of him. 

“Jonah, your feelings are valid, no matter what they are.”

The words slid off Patton’s tongue almost effortlessly. Jonah sniffled. 

“I know, Pat. And– and I’ve already made a lot of friends here that have told me that. It’s been so good for me here, but…” Jonah buried their face in their hands. “Every night before I go to sleep, I can’t stop thinking about what they told me before they kicked me out. It’s like I get tunnel vision. I can see the person I have grown to be on the other side, but all I’m doing is going backwards.” 

Jonah looked up at Patton with teary eyes. “And I don’t wanna go back, Patton. I...I don’t want to go back.”

Patton felt a chill run through his spine. Quiet echoes buried themselves in the back of his mind. 

“I understand that it’s difficult to feel like you’re moving forward when it feels like the most important people in your life are pushing you back. And it...it sucks. I’m so sorry.” Patton swallowed down the temptation to cave as he continued. “I...I think all we can do is remember that those important forces in your life aren’t what’s given to you, but are what’s found. And I feel like you’ve done a lot of searching — for now, try and let yourself be found.”

Jonah broke into a small smile. Before Patton knew it, the teen stumbled forward into an embrace, holding Patton tight and crying. Patton’s hands hovered in the air behind their back, unsure of what to do. Eventually, Patton came to his senses and hugged them back. 

“I’m thankful I found this place,” Jonah mumbled into Patton’s chest. “It’s– it’s built on a lot of hope. I don’t think I could have found it anywhere else.” 

Patton’s heart shattered.

‘I wish I could give you more.’ He squeezed Jonah tighter. ‘I’d give you all I had, and you’d never know.’ 

Jonah left a few minutes later, thanking Patton for giving them a space to be honest. All Patton could do was nod numbly. He knew Jonah was new and it was hard to be new here, but Patton was certain that they’d find their place. The kids who came here always did. 

Patton walked around his desk to sit down. He took one look at his phone, frowned, then set it aside with a sigh. For a brief moment, Patton relished sitting in the precious silence that finally found his office. 

Then, a knock on his door. 

“Come in!” Patton said, straightening up and folding his hands neatly on his desk. The door cracked open and Logan’s head peeked in. 

“Is this a good time, Patton?” 

“Yeah, of course!” 

Logan stepped inside and handed some papers to Patton. 

“I filed through the volunteer applications and started arranging interviews in the coming weeks. I just wanted to run the dates by you before I start contacting people. Hopefully they suffice.” 

“Wow! Thank you, Lo.” Patton took the papers, slowly sifting through them. “These look really good! I’ll have a look at them tonight.” 

“Tonight?” Logan echoed. “Are you staying late again?” 

“Oh! Yeah, I am.” Patton shrugged. “Just a bit of extra paperwork.”

“Well if you require any assistance tonight, I can stay around–”

“No, no! That won’t be necessary.” Patton waved his hand dismissively. “Go and enjoy your night, Lo.”

Logan’s stare seemed to bury itself through Patton, enough for Patton to look away. 

“...Well, please do not hesitate to let me know if you need anything else.”

As Logan was leaving, Patton felt his phone buzz. He snuck a peek and paled.

‘Missed call(s): Mother (2) - 5:34 PM’

“Um, leave the door open, Lo!” Patton suddenly blurted out. Logan turned around and tilted his head. Patton flimsily added, “I– I think I’m going to try and get some air.” 

Logan nodded, lifting his hand off the door handle before walking out. Patton took a deep breath and then stuffed his phone in his pocket before leaving as well. 

—

Later that evening, Patton wandered into his office in a daze. He turned the lights on and inwardly groaned at the stacks of paper awaiting him. 

He dragged his feet to his desk, only stopping to check his phone. The ‘missed call’ notification lingered, except now the number was ‘3’. 

Patton felt his jaw tighten. He couldn’t run forever. 

As he sat down, he noticed a small cup behind one stack of paper. He grabbed it. The smell of coffee swarmed his head. He smiled, noticing a small sticky note on its side. 

“Keep up the great work. Your friend, Logan.”

 ~*~

“Okay everyone! Grab your brushes!” 

Patton blinked. Somehow, his memory of the manor floors failed him, and he ended up in the recreation room. He felt eyes stare up at him, Roman’s included.

“Ah, Patton! Man of the hour! What brings you here?” 

Patton sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I, um, got lost! If you could believe it, heh.” 

“ ‘Lost’ is just a way of saying ‘found, but with a few extra steps’!” Roman motioned to an empty seat. “How about you join us for a bit?” 

Patton opened his mouth to protest, though felt cornered by all the expectant stares. He even spotted Jonah, who smiled and waved at him. Patton sighed. He had been wound up for days now; perhaps Roman’s theatrics was all he needed.

He finally nodded, going over to sit in front of the vacant canvas. Roman grinned at him with a warmth Patton let himself melt into. 

“Alright! Let’s begin.” Roman cleared his throat. “I want you to pull on the colours of your heartstrings. Forget form, structure– even an outline. Your emotions know no bounds, after all! Just remember, your hand is not controlling the brush — it’s your heart.”

Patton felt the words wash over him. Roman, of course, was right; he didn’t even notice his hand moving as he painted. Though somehow, it didn’t feel as peaceful as Roman described it to be. Instead, it felt like something was being pulled out of Patton, as though a claw was scooping something out of his chest and spilling it onto the canvas. 

Suddenly, his ringtone cut through Roman’s monologue. Patton jumped, dropping his brush. A line of paint dragged across the canvas as it fell. All eyes were on him again. 

“Um, excuse me! I– I’m just going to take this.” Patton pressed answer without looking at who called as he stumbled out of the room. 

“Hello?” 

“I see you’ve finally answered.” 

Patton’s heart dropped.

—

Roman was halfway through the end of his monologue when, in the corner of his eye, he spotted Patton re-enter the room, head ducked.

“Ah! I’m glad you’re back!” 

Patton nodded, but in the stilted way Roman quickly recognized. His eyes looked Patton up and down, barely listening to Patton’s stammering apology for interrupting. His hair was disheveled, which meant he ran his hand through it far too many times. His eyes were red, his jaw was tight– 

He was crying. 

“Anyway, I’m sorry again for leaving so soon!” Patton’s voice brought Roman back to reality. “Keep painting you guys! I gotta Van-Gogh!” 

A shaky laugh followed Patton out. Roman frowned, but he nodded for everyone to continue. He passed by Patton’s canvas and snuck a peek. 

It was rather abstract, with overlapping strokes forming a gradient. Roman’s gaze followed the gradient downwards. The canvas was filled with dull blues that turned into darkening greys. Towards the bottom was a thin line of black trailed all the way to Patton’s paintbrush, abandoned on the floor.

 ~*~

The sun sets on a long railroad, it goes past the horizon, it outstretches a hand like it’s beckoning, it’s begging you to run, run faster, everything is going faster and they just told you to go so you have to– 

“Pat?” 

Patton shot up in his seat with a yelp. He blinked quickly, vision focusing on the silhouette of–

“Virgil!” A strangled laugh escaped his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in!” 

Virgil replied simultaneously, “No, I’m sorry, you just weren’t answering and I got worried, but I didn’t realize you were sleeping–” 

“Sleeping?” Patton looked down at the time. 5 PM. 

“Oh sh– shoot, I’m gonna be late.” 

“Late for?” 

“Animal shelter,” Patton mumbled, stumbling out of his chair and grabbing his bag. “I forgot that I said I’d come in today– gosh how could I forget–” 

“Hey.” Virgil rested a hand on Patton’s shoulder before Patton could go spiralling out the door. “Deep breath. I’ll drive you, it’ll be okay.” 

Patton opened his mouth to protest, but remembered the time. He sighed and motioned wordlessly at the door. Virgil nodded, leading the two of them out towards the parking lot.

“Anyway, I’m sorry if it’s a bad time, I was just hoping to run some website revisions by you,” Virgil said as he started the car and backed out of the lot. Patton shakily smiled. 

“No! It’s not a bad time at all, you can tell me about your ideas as you drive!” 

“There’s not much. I was just thinking of ways to maybe make it more approachable. There’s not even really an ‘about us’ page or anything about you–” 

“Why would there need to be anything about me?” 

Virgil looked at him, almost confused. “It’s an amazing organization, Pat. Your name should be up there, especially as the founder…?” 

“Oh! R-Right.” Patton let out a sharp laugh. “I guess I never thought about it before.” 

“I could put something together tonight, I was just thinking it'd be cool to hear you talk about it.” Virgil turned at an intersection. The sign of the animal shelter soon came into view. 

“I guess that’d be a good idea!” Patton shrugged. “But there’s, um, not really anything interesting to know.” 

Virgil frowned, falling quiet as he parked the car. When they stopped moving, Virgil turned to face him. 

“Say, would it be okay if I joined you?” Virgil shuffled awkwardly in his seat. “I, um, have a bit of a free night, and I was thinking that maybe I could just ask you stuff for the website now so I don’t have to bother you later…?” 

Patton’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that sounds perfect! Liz will probably be okay with it. I think it’s bath night for the dogs, and we can always use an extra hand with that!” 

Virgil chuckled, following Patton out the car and into the animal shelter. 

Patton gathered the energy he had left to greet Liz and everyone else, already cooing over the various animals he and Virgil passed by. They reached the back and, with only a bit of struggle (Patton would never admit to these cute dogs being a struggle), took each dog a bath. All the while, Virgil asked Patton questions about the Rainbow Manor and his life in general, which Patton did his best to answer.

“I ended up founding the Rainbow Manor a year after I graduated.” Patton wiped his brow as they finished drying the last dog. “I had been living on Roman’s couch for so long after being kicked out and I just wanted to turn it around; not only for myself, but for other people.”

Virgil’s stare softened. “I– I’m sorry. N-Not about how you founded the place but, like...why you felt like you needed to. That must’ve been hard.” 

“Yeah.” Patton forced a shrug. “It is what it is. Sometimes, you have to get lost to be found, right?” 

“Right.” Virgil looked up at Patton. “Do...do you still keep in touch with them? Your parents, I mean.” 

Patton felt his heart squeeze. 

“It’s been so long,” he finally said. “I doubt they’d want to talk to me.” 

—

Virgil offered to drive Patton back, but Patton insisted on taking a cab home. Virgil reluctantly conceded, but promised to email Patton when he drafted the additions to the website. Patton just nodded and watched Virgil drive off. 

When he was sure that Virgil was completely gone, he shakily pulled out his phone and called a cab. 

“Hi! I– I just need to go to The Rainbow Manor,” he said to the driver as he climbed into the car. He found himself laughing. “Long work day. It is what it is.” 

~*~

Days passed, and Patton’s workload somehow doubled: new admissions, new initiatives, new everything. 

(And his mother kept calling. And calling. And calling.) 

To say it was a lot was an understatement. 

Patton found himself going back and forth along the manor halls, forcing a smile at those he passed. He closed his eyes, turning a corner before he knocked into someone. 

“Crap! I– I’m so sorry.” Patton quickly scrambled to gather the papers that had fallen onto the floor. 

“Oh, don’t apologize, I always thought that important documentation would make for good confetti– ah, hello, Patton.”

Patton looked up. Janus appeared above him, outstretching their hand to help Patton up. Patton took it, scooping the papers up as he went. 

“Janus! Hi! Well, if you’re looking for me...here I am!” He laughed, though it sounded scratchier than expected. “Everything okay?” 

“More than, thank you. I just wanted to follow up about my schedule for the new admissions? You mentioned yesterday that I should come to you but I couldn’t find you…” 

Patton winced. His chest tightened.

“F– I forgot, goodness how am I always–”

“It’s quite alright, Patton, I can always–” 

“I–It’s not okay!” 

In the corner of his eye, Jonah passed by. He felt their wide eyes on him. The air grew thinner.

“It’s– gah, it’s never fucking–”

“Oookay. We’re not okay and that’s...okay.” 

Janus suddenly took Patton’s arm and led him to their office. They swiftly kicked the door shut with their foot as they let Patton settle on the couch. 

“Breathe for me,” Janus said slowly, pulling up a chair and sitting across from Patton. They took Patton’s hand and motioned for him to follow their lead. “In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8…” 

They repeated this a few more times until Patton let go of his head and his breathing evened out. 

“I– I’m so sorry, Janus. I don’t know what–”

“It’s fine, Patton. I’m glad I could help.” A pause. Janus leaned back in their chair. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” 

“No, everything’s fine.” 

Janus raised a brow. 

“Okay, everything’s not fine. But...but it will be fine. I have to be fine.” His mind drifted to Jonah. Patton buried his face in his hands. 

“I can’t be like this,” he said, tears threatening to fall. “I...I just can’t. Not now, this– this can’t be happening now.”

“Unfortunately, these things tend to find us — not the other way around.” Janus squeezed Patton’s hand in a sudden moment of softness. “I...I know what this is, Patton. And I don’t have to tell you what to do because I know you know. You help so many people like you, but remember: when the plane is falling, you have to put on your oxygen mask before you help someone else.” 

Patton locked eyes with Janus for a split second, opening his mouth to respond when he felt his phone ringing. Reflexively, he pulled it out in front of his lap. The air disappeared once more. 

‘Incoming call: Mother’ 

Patton quickly pressed ‘decline’. He then looked up at Janus, whose eyes darted upwards as well. 

Shit. 

“I– I have to go.” 

“Wait, Patton–” 

“Thank you for everything, Janus,” Patton mumbled, and before Janus could reply, Patton sped out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him.

 ~*~

“I just don’t get it,” Roman muttered, leg bouncing under the table in the break room. “I’ve never seen him like this before.” 

“You haven’t?” Janus circled the table like a hawk. 

“What makes you think I have?” 

“Oh, I don’t know! Maybe it’s the fact that he has about a thousand jobs! Or perhaps it’s that he’s been staying overnight every night to work as if he owns the place — oh wait! He does! But I have no idea why that might be stressful at all!” 

Roman glowered at them, but said nothing. 

“I can imagine that his workload presumably doubled this past month,” Logan, sitting across from Roman beside Virgil, adjusted his glasses. “Between the new admissions, growth in our volunteer admissions…” 

“Okay, so he has a lot on his plate!” Roman pinched the bridge of his nose. “But I’ve seen him stressed out about these sorts of things. This is different.” 

“So what else could be on his mind?” Virgil piped up. 

Janus suddenly stopped in their tracks. 

“His mother.” 

Roman’s heart dropped. “His– his what?” 

“She called him while Patton was in my office,” Janus murmured. “He left straight after.” 

Virgil frowned. “Why would he...” 

Roman felt as if he had burst into flames. The pieces clicked together in his head.

“The– the fucking nerve of that woman, I can’t believe she’s still–”

“Roman, what are you talking about?” Logan cut in.

Before Roman could respond, he felt a buzz in his pocket. He immediately pulled out his phone. His breathing hitched. 

‘Help.’

“It’s Patton,” he blurted out, stumbling out his chair and making his way out of the room. Everyone exchanged looks, but quickly followed suit. 

Roman weaved his ways through the halls until he neared Patton’s office. Loud sobs were muffled behind the door. Roman felt his heart breaking already as he opened it. 

And there was Patton, on the floor, crying, and surrounded by shards of broken porcelain. Roman recognized it as a vase he had painted for him years ago. He winced seeing small drops of blood surrounding the pieces. His eyes quickly scanned the room as Logan immediately tended to Patton. 

“What happened, Patton?” Logan murmured as Patton curled up closer to him, sobs still wracking his body.

“I– I’m so sorry.” Each word sounded like it was forced out of his lungs and into the air. “I– I tried to clean up, I’m sorry–” 

“Shh, Patton. It’s okay.” Janus knelt down beside him, carefully lifting Patton’s wrist to examine his hand. A long cut ran across his palm. Janus looked up at Roman and Virgil.

“There’s a first-aid kit in my office, as well as a broom and dustpan. Can one of you grab it?” 

Virgil nodded wordlessly, exiting the room. Roman noticed Patton’s phone beside Patton on the ground, and reached over to pick it up. 

“What did she say, Pat,” Roman asked, fear edging the quiet of his voice. The words seemed to stab at Patton and let out more sobs. 

“She– she found out about everything,” Patton wheezed through tears. “The– the Rainbow Manor, where I am– she wants to take it all– she can’t take it all–” 

“Patton, I need you to follow my breathing, okay?” Janus interrupted, motioning at their chest with their hand as they inhaled and exhaled. “Can you see my hand? I want you to try and follow along, okay? 

Patton numbly nodded, trying to breathe through hiccups and sobs. Janus repeated the exercise with Patton for at least fifteen minutes, with Virgil returning halfway and Logan moving to sit in front of Patton to start tending to the cut. Virgil carefully swept around Roman, Janus, Logan, and Patton on the floor. 

“Whatever she told you, it isn’t true,” Roman said after Patton’s breath had evened out. “She can’t touch you here, not with us around.” 

“I– I know,” Patton sniffled. Logan finished bandaging Patton’s hand and offered him a tissue from the box on his desk. “She said so many awful things, but– but the scariest part is that she didn’t stop at just saying things.” 

“What do you mean?” Logan murmured. 

“She...she threatened to shut the Rainbow Manor down.” 

“What?!” Roman shot up from the floor. “But– but she can’t–” 

“You know my mom, Roman,” Patton whimpered. “She has connections all over the city. If she wanted to, she would find a way.” 

“So why hasn’t she?” Janus asked quietly. A beat of silence. Patton brought his knees closer to his chest and buried his face between them. 

“She– she wants a percentage of the donations,” Patton finally admitted. 

“What the fuck,” Virgil growled, stopping in his tracks. 

“I know! It’s– it’s impossible, I–” Another sob. Logan and Janus moved closer to him, with Janus putting their arm around his shoulder. 

“What did you tell her?” Janus pressed on. 

“I– I told her no! Even if I wanted to, I can’t, but– but what else can I do?” Patton looked at his bandaged hand and grimaced. “And of course she got mad, and I freaked out, and I knocked over the vase– god, Roman, I’m sorry about the vase–” 

“The vase is replaceable,” is all Roman said. “You aren’t.” 

Patton just nodded, looking up at the four of them in his office with teary eyes. 

“What am I going to do?” 

Everyone exchanged looks. Roman lowered himself back to the floor beside Patton and wrapped him in a warm hug.

“You’re not going to do anything,” Roman said firmly. 

“Roman…”

“All your life, you’ve taken care of people like they were your family, Patton. Please, let your family take care of you.” 

Patton sniffled, looking around him. Virgil, Logan, and Janus nodded with small smiles, moving closer to him and joining the embrace. 

And Patton just nodded, dissolving into tears; except this time, Roman could feel the relief from them. He felt Patton melt in his touch and smiled to himself, a similar relief washing over him as well. 

(And for a moment, just a brief moment, Patton was home.)

~*~ 

One week later…

“Keep your eyes closed…” 

“Roman, I don’t know how many more walls I can keep bumping into!” 

“Just a little longer, I promise!”

Patton giggled, letting himself be led by Roman through more halls. Then, Roman stopped him. 

“Okay, you can open your eyes in 3...2–” 

“I’m opening them now, I’m too excited!” Patton squealed, and then opened his eyes. Suddenly, a burst of colour flooded his vision. 

“Surprise!” a chorus of voices exclaimed. 

Patton broke into a wide smile, blinking to focus on the sight in front of him. He was standing in the recreation room, with a big banner hanging from the back wall reading, “Happy Birthday, Rainbow Manor!”. Beneath it was a table with a cake, which was surrounded by Janus, Virgil, and Logan, alongside a bunch of other teens Patton recognized. Even Jonah was there, wearing a small party hat with a confetti popper in his hands. 

Patton felt tears well up in his eyes. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you remembered!” 

“Of course, padré!” Roman grabbed Patton’s arm and led him around the table to stand in front of the cake. “Always normal for a family to celebrate the man who built their home!” 

“Oh, Roman!” Patton leaned against his shoulder, sniffling. “It’s perfect.” 

He then looked at Virgil, Logan, and Janus. “I can’t believe you guys set this all up, it must’ve taken forever!” 

“Actually, it just took a day,” Logan hummed. 

“And the cake doesn’t explode,” Virgil said with a small finger salute. “I checked.” 

“Additionally, we understand that presents are customary at a party,” Logan continued. “So while our present is not materialistic, we do hope it suffices.” 

“Oh?” 

“Sir Nerds-A-Lot is trying to say that we’re pitching in to give you a few days off!” Roman declared. “We handled a few responsibilities over the weekend while you were home, and split your workload for the week ahead! Consider this the fabulous gift of time!” 

“Oh you guys! You didn’t have to!” 

“But we did, and we did so gladly,” Logan said with a nod. 

“Also–” Janus leaned over to quietly whisper in Patton’s ear– “I took care of your mother.” 

Patton frowned. “You...what? Is– is she…” 

“She’s fine, but she won’t be bothering you for a long time.” Janus winked. “Let’s just say I know people too.”

Patton exhaled a breath he felt he was holding onto forever. He nodded graciously at Janus as Roman handed him a cake-cutter. 

“Alright! Before you take the first slice, you gotta make a wish!” Roman motioned at the lit candles on the cake. Patton stepped forward, closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then blew them out. 

Everyone cheered as Patton was surrounded by hugs and laughter. He felt Janus, Logan, Roman, and Virgil crowd around him as they started to help hand out cake to all the teens. 

And in the back of his mind, his wish echoed in his head. 

‘I hope to always be able to share this home with my family.’

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - Chapter 1

Here I am!

As i promised here is the first chapter of my new Rowaelin.

This one will be very different from Island Dream. It’s meant to have a slightly more challenging plot line and a smidge more angst in it. Also, i know very little about fire fighters and the airforce. I did research for both of them and for the firefighters I used some shows I follow as inspiration. Whereas for the airforce... it’s mostly research. I based the ranks system on the UK RAF.

THIS is Rowan’s jet (it actually exists. It’s called a Eurofighter Typhoon. I have seen it live at some airshow here in Scotland and it’s so damn sexy.), just imagine it in deep green for Terrasen. 

I have 12 chapters down but still no actual direction in mind yet. I have a few ideas I want to develop but the storyline is still hazy. 

And this is the SONG that gave the idea for the title.

Anyway, I’ll leave you to it

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Aelin is a firefighter for the Terrasen Fire Department (TFD) and one day her squadron get called to deal with a fire at the airbase of the Terrasen airforce (TAF). During the incident she meets icy Captain Whitethorn. They are thown together in a forced cooperation.  Slowly they will find their lives entwined beyond work. And both of them, with a tragic past at their backs... will have to be a little braver...

(Sorry i suck at introductions)

----------------

“Again!” Shouted a blonde woman standing in front of a training tower on fire. Her long braid gently placed on her shoulder. Blue eyes like the clearest of days fixed on the inferno in front of her and a concentrated expression. 

“Brullo, help Luca and start again, perhaps this time without killing our victim.”

They had been at it for a while but it seemed like the newbie was struggling with training. Being a firefighter was not a job for everyone. Aelin knew Luca was still a probie and still learning the ropes but sometimes she felt as if the boy was not as tough as he tried to be. Luca had been with them for three months and he had become the mascot of the group. He was eighteen an eager and she was happy to support him as much as she could, but her job was also to make sure her people would walk out of a raging fire alive. She had already lost enough in the line of duty. 

She was about to call for a break when the dispatch siren went off.

“Everyone, time to go.” She turned to Luca “You stay at the station and cover dispatch or just study for your exam.” She winked at him and ran to the engine, donned her gear and climbed to her seat.

Being the Captain she took the passenger seat in the engine and joined Nox who was the driver.

“Were are we heading?”

“Airforce base.” Replied Nox while driving the engine to its destination with incredible skill.

“Did a pilot forgot to turn off one of their fancy planes?” Then she turned to Aedion, the man was her lieutenant and her second  “Are our EMTs with us?”

The man nodded “right behind us.”

The engine sped through traffic, siren blazing “what’s our ETA?” Asked Aelin.

“Five minutes, Cap.” Replied Nox.

Not long after they reached their destination and arrived at the main gates of the airbase which were shut. Aelin swore. She opened the door and jumped off the truck.

To meet her there was a tall man, his hair silver and the eyes of the deepest of green. She thought Aedion was tall. She was wrong. This man was a good twenty centimetre taller. 

“Fire department at your service, did one of men’s arse caught fire?”

The man glared at her. His face harsh.

Ok, wrong audience.

“We have a fire in hangar bay 2.”

“Good, now open these gates and let us through if you want us to work our magic.”

“This is a restricted area as you can imagine.” His tone flat and almost bored.

Aelin took a step toward him, not afraid “Listen, you either let us through with the engine and the ambulance or you start praying the gods for a fuckload of rain. Which will it be, sir?”

Aelin noticed a flash of anger pass through his eyes. He would have been the most gorgeous man she had ever seen if it wasn’t for his stick up his arse attitude.

The man in front of her made a gesture and a car appeared in front of the truck “Follow the car and do not wander. This is a restricted area.”

“Sure, I always wanted a picnic in an airbase.”

Aelin ignored him and gestured at the ambulance to follow them. She jumped back on the truck and noticed the silver haired arsehole getting in the car in front of them.

It did not take long to reach their destination and Aelin swore when she noticed the fire engulfing hangar bay 2.

“And that’s me hoping in a boring day. How silly of me.” Joked Aedion from his seat behind Aelin. 

Aelin jumped off the truck and started shouting orders then joined again the officer “Do you have all staff accounted for?”

The man shook his head “Two engineers are missing and we have a few injured as well.”

Aelin shouted for the EMTs and the two women appeared in front of her in an instant “there are few injured that need treatment. Go and call for backup if you need it.” The taller brunette nodded and they disappeared again. 

Aedion’s voice reached her over the radio “copy that, Aedion. There are still two civilians trapped inside.” She turned to see her squad at work and a pang of pride rushed through her. They were an amazing well oiled machine and all the gruelling training paid off in the end. 

She turned to look at the grumpy officer and noticed the man was like a statue. His eyes fixed on the raging fire in front of them.

“We’ll get them out.” She offered as a comfort but the man didn’t even notice her. 

“Any idea on how it started?”

He turned his head slightly and his icy stare focused on her “isn’t that your job, captain?” She did not like the tone she used to call her captain. She could hear a veil of mockery.

“Ansel, Ress,” she shouted while donning the rest of her fire suit “direct the jet there.” She pointed to the location that looked like the epicentre. Once her mask and oxygen tank were on, she grabbed a fire extinguisher and ran into the building to join the rest of the squad.

Rowan stared at the woman ran into the fire. The captain had struck him stupid when she had the guts to challenge him without any fear. He was so used to give orders without ever receiving a rebuttal that it totally threw him off that the woman had fought him that way. Soon after he had found himself staring while she directed her squad to take positions and start to tackle the fire. She was fierce, of that he had no doubts. And with the same fierceness she had ran into the hangar and joined her team.

He was too busy staring at her that he missed the instant in which the structure had started to collapse on the ground. It went down as if made of paper and he froze at the realisation that there were still people inside the building. Engineers and firefighters alike. And for a brief second he felt a pang of panic for a woman he did not know and who had a temper of fire.

“Captain!” His head whipped to the side at the subtle veil of panic in the dark-haired man, handling the jet of water on their truck. “Lieutenant, come in.” But no sound came over the radio “fuck.” The man intensified the jet of water. 

Rowan knew that level of panic. He had experienced it a few times in his career. The soul crashing fear of losing a member of his team, the fear gripping his heart until a response came over the radio. He knew that fear very well. 

It took ten minutes for the auxiliary vehicles of the airbase to reach the site. They were not proper fire engines. For that they had to use the firefighters. But they could help and they started spreading a sort of special agent that slowly stifled the fire.

Rowan sighed in relief when he noticed some figures appearing from the smoke. The captain amongst them. Her hair was now covered in soot and her face just as dirty. He relaxed completely when he spotted the captain carrying one of the engineers and another fire fighters carrying the second one. The firefighter deposited the victims gently on the ground and the two EMTs went to check for them. He saw her collapsing on the ground on her knees then she stood, almost regretting that moment of weakness and went back to the engine to give some more orders. A tall blonde man approached her and after discussing something he moved away and stood staring at the collapsed building and the fire now fully extinguished.

She coughed once and then turned noticing the presence at her back.

“You should ask one of your EMTs to have a look at you.” His tone flat and devoid of emotions.

“I am fine.” She admitted with defiance “I don’t need you to babysit me. Sir or whatever rank your insignia has.”

“Captain. Captain Whitethorn.” And his words had a far gentler tone that he expected and it surprised him.

She walked away from him and went to the rest of the team to make sure everyone was okay and then checked on the civilians that had been saved and finally returned to captain Whitethorn.

“The two engineers will be fine.” She coughed one more time “They inhaled a lot of smoke but they are now on their way to the hospital for a few more checks. There are a few other with minor burns but everyone has been treated and on their way to the hospital as well.”

“Thank you.”

“Once the embers cool down I want to have a look at the site. Something clearly went completely wrong in here which means that some of your safety systems or your basic procedures are not working.”

“Are you saying that we are slacking in terms of safety?” His tone became harsh once again.

Aelin again stood straight in front of him “I saw sprinkles, but there was no trace of water which means they did not activate as soon as the fire started as they are meant to. Which in a place with so much fuel and flames is a big infraction and can land you in a shit ton of problems. Whoever was in charge of safety fucked up big time, Captain.”

Whitethorn ran his hand through his hair. That was his CO’s job. Lorcan was the one meant to look after all those things. But Lorcan had inherited a situation that was a bit of a clusterfuck and he had been working hard to fix it since his promotion. 

“I will need to come back tomorrow to do an inspection of the site and I want to inspect all the other remaining buildings and make sure they are up to code. And I don’t care if this is a restricted zone,” she moved a step closer to him and Whitethorn stared in her deep blue eyes “You get me a pass into here for tomorrow with access to all areas. And if you don’t, I’ll go high enough that when I come back you will have to roll out the red carpet. Do you read me on this Captain?”

He nodded silently. A part of him was in awe. Who was this woman? She did not seem to be intimidated by rank or a pretty uniform. He was speechless. Even civilians often tended to offer a certain level of respect to him just because of his rank. She stood in front of him, chin high and defiant. 

“Yes ma’am,” he heard himself say with unexpected obedience.

“Good. I will see you tomorrow, Captain Whitethorn.” She turned on her heels and left him still planted in his spot and completely stunned.

Aelin joined her team again and once the scene was cleared up and all the gear tucked back in the truck they left the premises.

“I hope Luca had some sort of food ready, I am starving.” Added Aelin sitting back in her seat in the truck.

“The day you will say that you are not hungry it will be a day when doom will descend upon us.” Chimed in Aedion.

“Hey, I use a lot of energy.”

“Sure, having a stand off with Captain silver fox must have been exhausting.”

Aelin turned and stared at Ansel. The red haired woman was smirking.

“He was being a pompous arsehole who think he is a god just because he wears a uniform.”

“Yeah, one hot arsehole though. I mean did you even notice him?”

Aelin did not reply. She had actually noticed him but her first impression of him hadn’t changed. The man was impossibly gorgeous but he still needed a bit of manners.

Eventually the squad got back to the station and got off the truck abandoning their equipment for checks later. “Let’s all go and get some chow in.”Aelin shouted while removing her boots “Aedion make sure you and Ansel check the truck and take Luca with you he needs some training in what we do after a call out.”

The ambulance pulled over beside them a bit later and the two women joined the rest of the group.

“Lys, all okay with the victims?”

The taller woman nodded “dropped them off. No serious injuries though.” Then she opened the back of the ambulance car and grabbed a clipboard and handed it to Aelin “our supplies order for the hospital. I was going to give it to you before but then we got called out and I forgot.”

Aelin grabbed the document “I’ll get it done today. You and Elide go and join the guys for food.”

Lysandra walked over to Aedion and dropped him a kiss on his lips. The two had been dating for years now and the whole squadron had been taking bets on when Aedion would pop the question. 

Aelin eventually joined the rest of her team for their meal and Luca had overdone himself and prepared some amazing food. She was ravenous, however during her meal her head kept going over the call they had received at the airbase. There were a few things that bugged her and she was looking forward to her visit the next morning to check the scene again. The sprinklers had been her first clue. She just hoped Captain tight-pants would be more willing to help after he had a nice night of sleep. 

It was much later when Aedion found her in her office buried under layers of folders and papers on her desk.

He gently knocked at her door “Lys and I are going home. Are you staying late again?”

“Aedion, look at these documents.” she passed him a pile of sheet of paper “That is the last safety check they had a look at the signature of who passed it.”

“Fucking Havillard senior.” The man had been the fire chief and had finally retired a few months before and the event had created a sense of relief in every single firefighter in Orynth. The man had a bad reputation and a penchant for currying far too many favours with politicians “I am so glad Dorian finally took over. He is a much better fire chief. He has done more for the fire department in a few months than his father in years of his rule.”

“I want to check every single thing he signed off as to code. I don’t trust the bastard and if he passed things not operating correctly I am going to cause a shitstorm.”

“And do what, Aelin? The man is retired and back to his mansion in Adarlan. There is nothing you can do.” Aedion was always the rational one and sometimes Aelin hated him for that.

“His negligence could have killed hundreds of people.”

“I know, but all we can do now is to fix his wrongs and make sure that the airbase is up to code. And keep your friend the Captain safe.”

Aelin snorted “Why everyone thinks I have the hots for the Captain?”

“I have known you all my life and you totally are into him. I recognised the signs.”

“Well, my dear cousin, you are highly mistaken.”

Aelin and Aedion were cousins. The man had served in the army and when he retired she had told him that her fire house was looking for recruits and asked if he wanted a shot at being a fire fighter. Aedion accepted and went through training at the academy and in the end the skills he had gained in the military had proven amazing for his new role.��

“Don’t tell me you guys are taking bets on me.”

Aedion laughed “my revenge for starting the one about me and Lys.”

Aelin growled “Yours is bound to happen eventually.” She looked at him “me and his stiffness? Not a chance. He might be hot as hell but he has no sense of humour and probably cannot go to the toilet unless he gets permission from his CO.”

Aedion sighed “That’s military training. It gets drilled into you from day one. He is still active and it’s normal. I am retired and still have that instinct.”

Aelin laughed “No, you don’t do anything without Lys’ approval.”

He nodded “I love her but the woman is scary. And now that she had Elide as a partner she is getting craftier.”

Aelin smiled “Go home and relax you two. Just don’t make me an aunt yet.”

“Don’t stay too long okay?” The man waved at her and left. 

Aelin sat five more minutes then she heard the second team arrive on the premises she packed up her stuff and decided to go home. She walked down the corridor greeting the other team and had a catch up with the lieutenant and eventually she left the station. The weather had turned cold and winter was definitely in the air. Aelin sniffled the air, cosied up in her jacket and walked home. It took her much longer than usual to go home as she took a different route and stopped at the park. Not the best idea at night but she had enough knowledge of hand to hand combat that she would easily kick the arse of whoever tried to assault her. She stopped in her favourite spot and leaned against the rail to look at the ducks in the pond. Going back home was still hard. Since she had lost Sam she hated her empty house. Even after over a year. They were both firefighters. He was the captain at the west station. They had met during a call out and got along from the start. Then got along a bit more until things got serious and they moved in together. They had two years of happiness until he went out on a call with his squadron and thing went south. He and another firefighter lost their lives that night. It had been over a year now but her heart still ached and missed him.

She heard ambulance sirens in the background and her instinct was to look for a cause for it. 

She said goodbye to the ducks and eventually walked home.

The next morning Aelin had got to work so early that the second team was still on. She had shared breakfast with them and was glad to hear they had a quiet night with just a call.

She walked back to her office and went over one the documents one more time. As a courtesy she decided tray and phone Captain Whitethorn but then realised she did not have his number and doubted the airbase would advertise its number freely. Ach well, he knew they she was going. 

Once Aedion arrived she gave him instructions on what to do while she was away. She wanted a few more drills run and the truck scrubbed and equipment checked. She knew that when she was away they tended to have far too much fun “And if I come back and I discover you guys slacked off I am going to unleash Lysandra on you.”

“I will keep them in check.”

“You better.” And with that she left and drove away to the airbase. 

It took her a good half an hour to finally reach the main gate. She got out of the car and went to the guards posted at the entrance “Hi, I am a firefighter on the TFD. I am here to see Captain Whitethorn, he is waiting for me.”

“What is your name?”

“Captain Aelin Galathynius.”

The man walked away to check something with another guard and got back to her “You can go in. The Captain will meet you at the next check point.”

Aelin grunted. They did not have this many checks the day before. Although, with a building on fire they were probably quite eager to have them in as soon as possible.

She got back in the car and drove the short distance where another military man stopped her and she noticed the captain behind him. Still stiff and a face that deserved to be punched. 

He knocked on her passenger window and Aelin lowered the glass “good morning, Captain.”

“I will need to get in the car.”

Aelin rolled her eyes and unlocked the door for him.

“Follow the main road until you see the main building. Park there and we’ll get you all signed in.”

What was his problems? Didn’t they used greeting in the military?

Aelin drove in silence until she spotted the main building.

“Park over there.” She sensed the command in his voice.

She did as told and once done she grabbed all her stuff from the back of the car and followed him. He had exited the vehicle and started walking not bothering waiting for her.

She was going to kill him. 

Once inside the main building she found him waiting for her at the reception area with a clipboard in his hands “Fill this in.” Again, that tone of command and not a single please.

Aelin had a look and realised they were annoyingly thorough in term of security “Do you want my bra size as well?” She smiled at him “it’s a 38A, by the way.”

No reaction. She sighed and filled in all her details. Once she was done the captain took the clipboard and gave her her badge “Keep this on you at all times Miss Galathynius.”

“You can call me Aelin. I gave you my bra size, I guess we are on a name basis kind of relationship.” She grabbed the badge and wore it around her neck.

“Were do you want to start?”

Fine. No jokes and back to business “your office for starters.”

“I thought you wanted to see the fire scene.”

“Yes, but I need to ask a few questions first.” And she waved the big pile of documents in her hand.

He tensed and with a hand he gestured for her to follow him. 

They walked until they reached an office at the end of a corridor “This is my CO office. I discussed the situation with him and he believes it’s a matter that needs his presence as well.”

“The more the merrier” and flashed him a smile but she had no reaction from him.

They entered the room and Aelin froze. The man in front of her was huge. He stood to greet her and she thought she had never met anyone as tall as the man behind the desk.

“Sir, this is the Captain.”

“Miss Galathynius, isn’t it?”

“Captain, if you don’t mind. I earned my rank like all of you, even if I am a woman.”

“I am Air Commodore Lorcan Salvaterre.” She shook his hand and took a seat after he offered. Captain Whitethorn stood behind her, rigid and cold as his usual. Gods, the man needed to get laid. 

“I believe you had some concerns with regard to that accident from yesterday.”

“I do.” And she slammed the pile of documents on the desk. If they wanted to play tough, they had met their match “My first concern is that some of your safety checks are two years old. As you are aware Mr Salvaterre, considered the nature of your business and the level of dangerous materials present on site you are required by law an annual check.” She passed over a piece of paper with the current regulations “and again in your case there are aspects that need to be checked twice a year and you have not done so.” She sat back on the chair “Yesterday I noticed that the sprinkles had not activated during the fire. Again, your reports show that the last maintenance check was three years ago.” Another sheet landed on the man’s desk “A hangar that could, according to your plans, have up to a 100 personnel on site at the same time, only had one fire exit.”

“If you had a look at hangar bay two blueprints you could see why only one exit was added.”

Aelin unfolded the blueprints in challenge. They had no idea who they were dealing with “I can see that one side of the hangar share the door with the airstrip and I can see that this is a very bad idea for an evacuation spot. However,” and she pointed at the plan “this area here, as you can see is perfectly safe. It offer protection from a possible explosion of fire and it looks like it could accommodate at least half of the staff.” She closed the folder “I am going to be frank with you. It’s a miracle you are still allowed to operate. This are only the biggest infractions, I am sure that once I will inspect the site of the fire I will find more.”

She noticed Salvaterre flinch.

“I am also aware that it was the old fire chief who signed off the last inspections and that explains a lot. The man had been a thorn in my side for a very long time but his son is a far more capable chief.” She sat comfortably again “My concern here is for all the staff. Yesterday could have had a far worse outcome. I can see that at least your team has a good grasp on how safely evacuate and I am positive that once we add a second door it will be even more efficient.”

“Any big changes will have to get approved by the military.”

“Well, get that done. If you value your people you will grovel until you get what you need. You don’t seem the man to back down from a valid fight.” She leaned forward a bit, not breaking eye contact with him.

“What do you suggest?”

“I will make you a deal.” She offered “I am aware it might take some time to fix all the issues and bring the whole base up to code. I am giving you six months. Work with us, I am willing to help as a consultant. I had a chat with chief Havillard and he is okay with my plan and authorised me to cooperate with you.”

“I guess I can work with that.” Then he stared at Captain Whitethorn behind her “Captain Whitethorn will be you liaison. I am too busy, but he has my authorisation to help you with what you need.”

She turned to the man at her back and noticed at his panicked face “I am sure the Captain and I will have fun. We are best buddies already.” She flashed him a smile and the man flinched. Well, at least that was a reaction. 

“Perfect. Captain Galathynius I expect you will keep me updated on the progress.” And he offered her his business card “my email is at the bottom. It’s the best way to get in touch with me.”

“Thank you sir,”Aelin said pocketing the card. The man was just as cold as the captain but seemed a bit more willing to cooperate “Now if you’ll excuse me sir I have some work to do.”

The man nodded and Captain Whitethorn walked outside, probably already dreading the idea of working with her. She was not ecstatic either. 

They were walking toward the hangar when four men stopped them and Whitethorn stopped 

“I thought I told you to go over the last tactics we developed.” He really had no idea on how to talk to people.

“We just finished.” Said the older of the group.

“Hi gorgeous.” 

Aelin turned to the voice and saw a stunning blonde man staring at her “I am Flight Lieutenant Fenrys Moonbeam, m’lady. I hope our cold hearted captain is treating you nicely. We have been trying to teach him manners…”

Aelin laughed. So they had sense of humour. It was just Whitethorn.

“Lieutenant, why don’t you go and clean your jet until it shines like a mirror?”

Fenrys got closer to her “he is old and cranky.” Then he straightened up “call me if you need a fun guide during your time at the base, Captain.”

“Lieutenant!” Whitethorn barked with a tone that did not admit any more games. 

The older man grabbed Fenrys arm and pulled him away “let’s go pup. Don’t anger the man.”

“Bye guys.” Aelin waved as they walked away.

“They are my squadron.” Whitethorn finally spoke and she turned at him in surprise “The man who took Fenrys away is Gavriel and he is Wing Commander. He is basically my second. The other two were Vaughan and Connall and, well, Fenrys. They are all Flight Lieutenants.” He sighed “Fenrys is a good pilot but he is still young.”

“The only person with a sense of humour inside here and you shot him down that way?” She shook her head “Come on grampa, let’s go and do our job.”

Aelin walked away with a swagger and when she was not looking his lips bent in a fraction of a smile. The woman was a force of nature and for some reason he could not explain why he had spent the previous night wondering about the fierce woman who had not backed down and who face him fiercely. Not that he would ever admit to anyone, but  he found her madly attractive. 

She was now walking in front of him and was almost skipping and he had to try very hard not to chuckle at the scene.

“You are going the wrong way.” His tone cold again.

“Well, then get your arse in front of me and lead the way.” She stopped and waited for him to walk past her. While behind him she sneaked a peak at the man and she realised that Ansel had been right. Her gaze lingered on his backside and some very improper thoughts passed through her mind. Her gaze trailed up to his broad shoulders and lingered on his short silver hair and then dropped to the strong hands folded behind his back. Some very improper thought passed through her mind but she shook them off. He was a horrible man. She was not going down that road. Boundaries. 

“We are here.” His voice woke her up from her thoughts.

From her bag Aelin extracted two masks and a torch. She threw one of the masks to Mr cranky pants “put this on. There will be still fumes lingering and they are very toxic.”

Thankfully he accepted the mask without complaints. It looks like he was intelligent enough to understand the risks.

He unlocked the place and allowed Aelin to go in first. He trailed behind and let her work in silence. 

“What kind of jobs do you do in here?”

“Hangar two is were the jets needing heavy maintenance are moved to. Hangar one is the main one where all the jets ready for take off are kept.”

She moved around pointing the light in some specific areas “Am I correct in saying that the planes in here do not have any fuel and are not armed.”

She saw him nod “The fuel is removed as soon as they are moved in here. A small amount is added only when they need to be moved back to the main hangar. And yes, no weapon of any type is held here or in hangar one for all that matters. We have very tight procedure for ammunition and the missiles are loaded only an hour prior to take off and armed only after the jets have left the base.”

Aelin nodded, well, at least it seemed that on some areas they had their shit together.

She moved to what looked like the epicentre of the fire and crouched down and touched a strange puddle on the floor. She smelled it and cursed. That smelled like kerosene but a doubt was nagging her. The puddle looked big enough to be a leak.

“Do you keep track of the repairs done in each bay?”

“We do and I have the jobs recorded for yesterday in bay four.” Then his eyes reacted in shock “It looks like the jet in bay four had suffered a fuel tank leak and was scheduled for a repair or possibly a replacement.”

Aelin walked around the charred remains of the jet then she noticed a panel missing on the side “help me here Captain, what is this panel for?” And she flashed the light inside the livery.

“This is the access panel for the tank. It looks like they had started the works already.”

“I am allowed to make a guess Captain?”

“By all means.” He stood at her side.

“My theory is that while the tank was emptied fuel leaked out. Whoever did the job, did not realise it. Once the tank was empty he proceeded with the replacement job and used tools that might have caused a spark and ignited the fuel and caused the explosion. Am I getting closer?”

“I have a feeling ma’am that you are on the right track, alas.”

She crouched again and stared at the puddle “however, this is not how kerosene works… kerosene does not catches fire easily. It has a high flash point.” she muttered to herself then she turned to the man behind her “Captain, are you using a special type of fuel? Jets are usually powered by kerosene.”

He froze and she knew she had hit the jackpot.

He cleared his throat “we have been experimenting with other fuels and liquid oxygen.”

“Fuck,” muttered Aelin turning and standing “do you really need all that power?”

“As I said we have been experimenting. This plane was one of the new prototypes.” He confessed.

“How many of these monsters do you have?”

“I am not allowed to tell. This is as much as I have been authorised to say.”

“Damn it Captain.” She shouted.

“They are not on the premises and in a very remote location away from inhabited areas. This one was here for testing.” His face grew dark all of a sudden “I was meant to fly it.”

Aelin gasped “are you telling me that you were willing to strap yourself in this crazy thing and risk your life with something clearly not stable?”

He looked away “It’s my job after all.”

“Shit.” Aelin stood and walked away. Why was she even caring about him.

“Captain…”

But she brushed him off and kept inspecting the area “your fire extinguishers a too far away and it takes a person too much time to grab one. And you need more.” Then she turned to the Captain “I assume they at least know how to use it…” he nodded.

“Well, that’s a start but we will have refresher session. That never hurts and you guys will have to do it as well.”

He nodded.

“Fine. Take me to hangar bay one.”

“Follow me.” He just said and started walking still thinking about her reaction and was stunned that for a moment she had seemed to care.

The two walked in silence and Aelin followed him looking around the base and noticing things.

Once in the main hangar bay, Whitethorn opened the door and Aelin stood still at the sight. In front of her there were at least ten jets. All painted in the Terrasen green. They were a sight to behold.

“I am not sure I agree with their use but they look majestic.”

The captain nodded while he stood at her side, hands folded behind his back “come.”

He walked to one of the jets, said something to one of the engineers buzzing around it and it was just the two of them “This one is mine.”

Aelin traced her hand to the livery “Iceman?” She asked noticing the word painted just under the canopy.

“My call sign.”

Aelin chuckled “I guess it fits you perfectly.” Then she walked to the stepladder “Can I?” She asked. She was dying to sit in the cockpit. Just for a few minutes. She could not get distracted but she wanted to do it.

The Captain moved closer to her “be careful on the ladder.” She flashed him a smug smile and Whitethorn kept a watchful eye while she climbed turning his head when her backside was basically in his face. Once at the top she climbed over the edge and sat in the cockpit quite skilfully and now she looked down at him with a big grin. His heart jumped. When she smiled she was the most stunning creature he had seen. A brat, but still a gorgeous brat.

A moment later he had noticed she had taken his helmet and was now trying to wear it. He held back a chuckle and climbed the ladder “let me.” He was so close to her that he could smell her scent of lavender and jasmine. He helped her fastening the helmet properly then he turned to some of the dials on the dashboard.

“This is the altimeter” for some reason he leaned forward and started to explain her some of the dials in the cockpit “this is to check the speed and this one tells how many g’s we are pulling. That is—“ but he got interrupted.

“I know what that is Captain. How many g’s do you pull max?”

“9 in a vertical steep ascent, dogfights and in some turns as well. We never sustain it for too long because it’s dangerous.” He leaned on the livery “we wear special suits called G suits that help with the pressure and we undergo a crazy amount of training in the centrifuge and we also have to keep a strict exercise and health regime.”

That, she had noticed the previous day and on a couple of occasions she had imagined the amount of muscles under that uniform of his.

“Let’s get back to work.” She said, saving herself from the strange direction her thoughts had wondered. She stood and the Captain straightened and moved closer to her “be careful, climbing is much easier than coming down.” She turned and gave her back to him and felt a phantom of his hand on her back. He was not touching her but she could feel his hand lingering there, protecting her.

“Ok, one rung at a time.” His tone had changed as well and somehow the iciness had gone “Good, one more and you are there.”

Aelin climbed off the last rung and turned only to crash into his hard chest. She had not realised how close he was standing and when she looked up she met his eyes. They looked brighter and they had a strange light she could not place. As soon as she realised how close they were standing she backed away and for a very brief second she thought she noticed disappointment in his expression.

“Thank you for that Captain. Now I can brag that I sat in a fighter jet.”

He nodded but did not added anything. 

They finished inspecting the main hangar and Aelin looked puzzled “How is it possible that this hangar is all up to code and perfect. Such a discrepancy does not make sense.”

“Salvaterre took over from our old CO only six months ago.” He sighed “do you want the diplomatic answer or the actual truth?”

“What do you think?” Her answer was a bit harsher than she intended “Sorry, I did not mean it like that. The truth of course.”

“Our old CO was very much a friend with Havillard senior. And I think politics and money are the answer to your question.”

“I don’t fucking it believe it.” She almost shouted in frustration “so these bastards prefer to save some money and leave a hangar with very little safety?” She leaned against the plane and looked up to try and calm down for a moment “It’s disgusting.”

“We both got new COs who both seem to be more decent individual. Let’s leave the past where it is and fix things from now onwards.”

Aelin smiled at him “this might be one of the wisest thing you said since I met you.”

Whitethorn glared at her but she ignored him.

They spent another hour going around the base and Aelin completed her inspection. There were some issues but all things that could be easily fixed and she was relieved that although the base was not in its best of state it was definitely not as in bad condition as she thought after the disaster in the secondary hangar.

“Captain, that’s me all done. I would like you to come to the station tomorrow so we can discuss an action plan and put forward some ideas for your CO.”

“I can do that. Do you have a preferred time?”

“Would morning at 9am be okay for you or is it too early?”

“It’s fine.” 

“Amazing.” Aelin flashed him a very bright smile and then extracted a card from the pocket of her jacket “These are my contact details. If you have any question you can email me or phone me.” She pointed at the card “that is my direct phone number at work. The address of the fire station is on as well.”

The man accepted the card and placed in the trousers pockets of his uniform.

“Well, Captain Whitethorn, thank you for today. And I will see you tomorrow.” She extended her hand and the man took it.

He nodded and in silence he walked her back to the check point. Another nod and he turned on his heels with military precision and walked away.

Aelin stood to study the man for a moment. She found him fascinating. He was still an emotionless prick but there was something that got her attention. She hoped that working together would become easier in the long run otherwise it would be a very long and touch liaison mission.

Eventually she got back in the car and returned to work.

[potteresque-ire]

Not sure if this has circulated before, but here’s a link to Henry Jenkin’s reactions to 227, largely as responses to an interview he did with Sanlian Lifeweek magazine (三聯生活周刊), a publication modelled after TIME magazine and published under China Press Publishing group (中國出版集團), the largest and state-owned publisher in China. The magazine asked for Jenkin’s opinions on the fandom-related aspects of 227 back in March, 2020. Henry Jenkins, as many may already know, is among the most renowned scholars of (Western) fan culture ... if not the most renowned.

Personally, I find this article to be quite limited in perspective, because 227 had a significant non-fandom-oriented, sociopolitical component ~ and hence its scope, its chaos, its damage. IMO, 227 stopped being a fan war, stopped being about solos, cpfs, and even Gg the moment AO3 was shut down ~ the powerful Chinese state had intervened, and the incident necessarily became a political incident. That One Fic on AO3, the conflict between solos and cpfs about whether and where That Fic should exist was at most a lighter left at the scene of what would become the blaze; it wasn’t even responsible for igniting the first fire. Most i-turtles (i-fruits?) are probably aware too at this point: if fan wars are sufficient to start 227, then there wouldn’t have been a 227 ~ because 227 would have been every date of the year.

Fan culture is fundamentally transgressive, and what that means can only be defined in the context of the subculture’s “mainstream” sociopolitical and cultural environment. I therefore find the article’s attempt to transplant Western fan culture’s observations / theories / analysis / conclusions to the incident without explicitly comparing, addressing in depth the differences of the pre- and post-transplant environment to be ... prone to rejections (as organs are after transplantations!)—exclusion from being useful or valid. And this article was very short on such comparisons or address. Jenkins being a fandom expert aside (and he was careful about not treading outside his area of expertise), early “antis” of 227 presented themselves as crusaders for the freedom of speech and, by late March when this article was published, the heated debates surrounding the incident on Chinese social media had already led to embarrassment for multiple powerful state publications. It was probably a wise choice to not make another dive into the political aspects of the incident.

Being a new(-ish) turtle who joined the fandom a full half-year after 227, I’ve been backtracking, trying to really understand the incident, which remains very much beyond comprehension in many aspects. The discussions I’ve dug up that have most fascinated me have been those in non-fandom spaces, by non-fandomers / politics enthusiasts who barely knew who Gg was, who didn’t know That One Fic involved more than one idol and had zero knowledge about solos vs cpfs. In these discussions, “antis” are not referred to as “antis” because while the action of the so-called “227 coalition” was to kill Gg’s career, that wasn’t considered its ultimate goal ~ its ultimate goal was to warn whoever tried to clamp down the freedom of expression that their opposition was strong enough, populous to fight back and take away whatever, whoever those who attempted the clamp-down care the most about. In this case, “Gg fans”—I put this in quotes because eventually, no one would know who would lurk behind those pro-Gg Weibo IDs (and the anti-Gg ones as well)—were the perceived enemies of creative freedom. Gg, assumed to be the one, the symbol of what “GG fans” cared about the most, naturally became the target of the coalition.

Gg wasn’t special in that sense ~ and that was perhaps, the saddest thing I found about this incident as a Gg fan (without quotation marks); Gg could be any idol who achieved top fame at the moment, who had enough fans to make the point known. The coalition was therefore not “anti-Gg” in its ideological sense. It was anti the fan circle culture that had cemented Gg’s popularity, that had already been known to deal extremely poorly with dissent—complaints had been abound that c-ent was no longer fun for bystanders because the latter could issue no critique, not even doubt, about an idol without the fear of being reported, torn down by fans. The coalition eventually grew to include anti the many happenings, the many censorships and imprisonments in the past few years that had silenced the creative crowd in China, happenings people dared not speak about beyond a loud grumbling ...

The coalition tried to take down Gg, because they couldn’t take down the force that had shut down AO3, that was truly responsible for the silencing. They played the Hunger Games in the Weibo arena instead of challenging Who The Real Enemy Was, because some might not have given much thought about  The Enemy; some might have thought the Enemy too invincible to be worth the effort; some might have got too carried away by their blood thirst, the cruel schadenfreude of shredding a beautiful, successful young man into pieces, and forgot why they were there in the first place ... 

And that was only the political side of 227. 227 was also widely suspected to have a commercial component, which added another layer to the symbolism behind Gg the Idol ~ pretty much as soon as 227 happened, netizens investigated, tried to uncover the chain of capital behind Gg. With the scent of money was the memory of filth associated with it, in a country not exactly  unknown for its corrupt business practices. Much like in The Book of Exodus in the Bible, the Idol is believed to be forged with gold; it is ungodly, tainted. Whether Gg the Person was identical to Gg the Idol, Gg the Symbol mattered to few. That Gg *was* a person seemed lost to many ... 

I’ll have to dive into the non-fandom aspects of 227 with more rigour. As much as I'd love to leave 227 behind, every time I see Gg, I see its legacy on his face, in his smile, and perhaps, I’m not the only one ~ ADLAD cast him as Patient #5 because of 227′s effect on him. Put it another way, 227 is already modifying, writing Gg’s career trajectory ~ a trajectory that is undoubtedly under scrutiny by many who wish to duplicate his success but circumvent his pain. And every time I see a young idol—Gg, Dd, and anyone else—I wonder if the hurt of 227 can happen to them (again) because the crux of the incident has never been resolved; the oppression and silencing have remained strong as ever. 

Anyway (sorry for the rant) ... what I found noteworthy about this article was the quotes the magazine highlighted in its published form (in Chinese), which weren’t highlighted by Jenkins on his own website. They reflected what the magazine would like to be the take-home messages of the interview. I’ve listed them below; all of which had Jenkins as the speaker:

[Pie Note: About Real Person Fiction (RPF) in Western fandoms]

“American fans often do have some shared norms about what is and is not appropriate to write, mostly having to do with protecting the privacy of other people in the star’s life. Writing about the star is seen as fair game; writing about their family members is not.”

---

[Pie Note: About GG being “cast” as a transgender woman in The One Fic that started the incident; gender in fandom]

“We write fan fiction as a form of speculation and exploration. For some people, it may be one of the few spaces in the culture where they can express who they are, what they are feeling, what they are desiring. And for others, it is a place of “what if” where they explore in fantasy things they would not necessarily desire in reality.” 

---

[Pie Note: Whether GG should be held responsible for his fans’ behaviour]

“Under these circumstances, I would not hold a performer responsible for his fans’ behaviors but the performer is responsible for their own behavior and fans may respond negatively to performers who over-react to the existence of alternative fantasies and insult or hector their audiences.”    

---

[Pie Note: About AO3 and why fans were so upset about its closure] “Keep in mind that AO3 is a particular kind of platform. Alongside Wikipedia, AO3 is one of the greatest accomplishments of participatory culture in the digital era.”

---

[Pie Note: About the “problematic” content on AO3]

“Among my findings were that fan fiction sites can be a valuable space for young people to acquire skills (and receive feedback) on their writing from more experienced writers who share these same passions ... That said, while teens have participated in fandom, a large part of those on AO3 are adults, engaging in adult conversations on adult topics.”

---

[Pie Note: About media text in the new media era]

“First, I would stress the proliferation of media texts at the current moment ... We have access to a much broader range of media content than ever before and in this context, fans play a constructive role in curating that content, helping some shows get greater visibility ...  Second, these texts have become more malleable”

---

[Pie Note: About idols not producing “good” media texts]

“Rather, the question should be what are fans finding meaningful about these performers and the texts they generate. I start from the premise that human beings do not engage in meaningless activities. I may not immediately recognize why something is meaningful but my job as a scholar is to understand why cultural materials are meaningful to the people who cherish them.”

---

My understanding of this selection of quotes is this: this state publication (as others) was quite ready to forgive Gg, to put this incident behind. It could choose to not publish this interview; it could choose to leave out certain quotes, or not do the highlighting that cast both AO3 and Gg in a positive / innocent light. But it did all these things. This article furthers my impression that the state never intended 227 to blow up the way it did, and that it did—enough for stories about it to be found in non-China websites, and in English—was what I’m still trying to comprehend. 227 was, admittedly, how I was first introduced to Gg beyond Wei Wuxian. And as I got to know Gg, like Gg, my want to understand 227 only becomes stronger, perhaps because only through comprehension I feel I can find peace for the GG fan (again, without quotation marks) in me.

Maybe I should email Dr Jenkins and ask if he’s looking for a PhD candidate. 5 years of research and thinking ... maybe that’s what it’ll take. 

I feel I’ve already started anyway.