#sorry for the trauma dump

[ozimagines]

NSFW and sfw alphabets for Keller?

Cannnn do! I'll start with the SFW as always and move on to the NSFW next post. Thanks for the ask! Chris Keller reminds me a lot of my dad so it’s an interesting write. My family isn’t close anymore so this is gonna be a somewhat vulnerable write. MY dad is a narcissist, and so our relationship has been strained over the years.

Also, I feel like I only post here when there’s bad news. I took a full psych eval last week. The official diagnoses is Bipolar 2 with rapid cycling, Major Depressive Disorder (redundant), and provincial borderline. I’m a schizoid personality, but my therapists have said that I’m not psychotic, I’ve just been gaslight by narcissists in my family for so long. The official recommendation is space from family. Sorry if that’s a lot but this is where I’m at. As always, Oz is the one part of my life that hasn’t gone to shit.

SFW Alphabet with Chris Keller

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Can be affectionate in two ways; one is sickeningly false. He’ll smile and hold you and do all the things a boyfriend is supposed to do, but with this air of insincerity. His other mode is so serious it’s a little scary. Intense eye contact and vows of permanence.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’d be your fake friend for a long time. Around you and taking care of you in the shallowest ways. You defend him though, saying he has a complex personality that cannot easily be understood. No one ever describes him that way.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Full body contact, and large spoon always. Enjoys the feeling of encapsulating you, almost a little predator and preyish. He liked to breath down your neck and run his teeth over your nape.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Not super domestic and really doesn’t want to be. He likes the excitement of being somewhat feral in his habits.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

MISSED PHONE CALL

VOICEMAIL

“Hey, it’s over. Don’t call me back.”

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Commits zero percent and then one hundred percent but can’t be doing with that fifty/fifty shit. You’re either nothing to him or everything to him.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

HA! Triple HA! Emotionally he’s a cactus. Physically he’s a gorilla. Either way it’s usually not working out well for you if you don’t proceed with common.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Actually loved hugs. He doesn’t show it much, but he’s touch starved. I’m not talking the beast with two backs, but rather a genuine hold of someone who loves him. Takes him off guard.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Can say it until he means it, then can’t seem to say it outside of an almost means ing nature. Like “You’ll never get away from me, I love you”

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Yoikes people who pay you too much attention will start to disappear, if he doesn’t. Beat them in front of you. Ex’s, baristas, blind people who can’t see you anyway. He gets to be super jealous.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sloppy kisser, lots of tongue, and breathy/hot. Doesn’t kiss without using his hands to tease you. His nose crashing against yours only makes it all the more hot.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Ehhhhhhhhh they say kids and animals are excellent judges of character. Kids are able to see past the bullshit charm. It makes them uneasy and sometimes they cry. It’s hard not to take that personally.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Usually likes a good morning screw. Will tickle and tease and torment until he gets his way. You resists a little but only because that’s what’s expected of you. He’s not a big coffee guy but will learn how you like yours, not necessarily making it but bringing over the ingredients you like.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Likes a digestive before bed. His go to is any dark liquor. He like rum as it makes him feel like some sort of pirate. Starts the day with a screw, and ends it with a screw. Oh, well, at least he’s consistent.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He never reveals anything if he can help it. You literally just find things out about him in passing when his guard is down. Doesn’t even tell you his favorites of things; you just see what he does and go from there.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Oop. Anger management wishes. That said, he usually gets cruiser angry instead of loud angry. Rarely just yells, but rather plots and schemes.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’ll pretend to remember less than he does. When asked, he can’t list off a single thing about you, but he knows your habits, your likes, and your dislikes.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He’s in the middle of hyping himself up, just getting juiced on his own jizz, and your face is reading concern at the wild story he’s telling. That’s part of the reason he does that, is to make you react. Suddenly, you say something to the effect of “that has to be lonely”. He pauses and excuses himself but you hold onto his wrist. He stops and you pull him into a hug. It’s a quiet moment between you two but it’s the closest he gets to vulnerability.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’d be protective to you to everything but himself. He can’t seem to protect you from himself ever. He’s just a torrent of a personal always careening around the corner to knock you down.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He’d put a lot of effort in and pretend like he put no effort in. His love language is acts of service. He does things for you and then expects to have his dick sucked as a result, either figuratively or literally.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Besides being a demented, narcissistic sociopath? Lol he’s a compulsive liar. He’ll lie about things that aren’t even worth lying about. It just comes so naturally to him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Extremely vain. How he looks is who he is. Anything that makes him desirable or attractive is something he keeps.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He never feels complete on his own. He’ll lie and says he does, but narcissists are extremely insecure. He thinks he’s a piece of shit and while he’s not entirely wrong, he does want to be better.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I wrote it on a different post but I think Chris Keller likes hamburgers. Like, just loves making and eating them any chance he gets. He mixes mustard and ketchup and mayo and slathers it in onions.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Dislikes all form of teas. Black, white, green, herbal, just all of it. If he has to have some he sweetens it to shit.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Body pillow hugger. Can’t sleep when his knees are touching. He needs to feel something in his arms to get a good night’s sleep.

[lily-s-world]

I don't often post personal stuff here, but I really need to scream into the void about this one.

Our beloved pet passed away a few days ago, and since then, my sister, who is older than me, has been under the weather. I hear her at night talking and laughing with friends and her boyfriend, so I know she is sad but she is moving forward.

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder a couple of years ago, and even though I am super sad about our pet, I am also trying to move forward.

However, my mom and grandma had been cuddling my sister nonstop about this. And when I mention that "hey, I also lost her and I was the one that financially provided for the dog and drover her to all her appointments"; they just said "yeah, but you are you, you will be fine".

I really don't want to invalidate my sister feelings, but I feel like they are invalidating mine because I had always been the "responsible one," the "one that resolves"... Is like "yeah you are sad, but you will get over it. Your sister, on the other hand, needs all our support."

Can't it be on equal parts?? Like, we both may need that support??

But honestly, it is on me for expecting from my family something they will never give me. The curse of the older sister skipped my sister and landed on me. No wonder I play "Surface Pressure" from Encanto all the time.

[auguste-marmonts-only-fan]

Pls always keep on Marmont-posting

You are one of the best things that happened to me in Tumblr <3

Really?!?!?

I'm glad that you like my content, and this one of the nicest things anyone has said to me lol (kinda sad to be honest)

I have always been criticised by my peers for liking things and over sharing but after I started posting on tumblr I feel more free to express my intrest and I'm not as embarrassed anymore (very cliché and corny , I know)

So seeing nice comments and stuff like that really makes my day 💕💕💕💕

Xoxo

[prctty-birdie]

Natasha Romanoff's complete name is Natalia Alianovna Romanova (also matching with the surname I most dislike in my real name and wish I could replace👌)

Deities is the terminology of the Latin word for "god" and also the divine nature of deities is believed to be immortal goodness (who I wish I could be or even become to someone)

Basically:replace of a surname I have plenty of bad memories with the one I was named after, with a cooler sounding one and also similar & the something I wish I could be capable of or even represent to somebody.

alideities → prctty-birdie

what made u guys pick ur url's !

[one-time-i-dreamt]

not a dream

I haven't been posting much recently

It's not because I don't love you or don't care

Never think that

I love and care about all of you and you matter to me

But I've been struggling physically, mentally and financially

and to solve the first two problems, the third one I had to try and solve by working even more and even harder

but then exhaustion got to me and I got even worse and even more ill

I had like 23 working days in a row and it still wasn't enough

but I am trying to find some light at the end of the tunnel mentally and emotionally

spend all my free times in the nature with Ragnar or sleeping

bedrotting a little but at least I don't have to think about anything if I sleep

so things have been bad

But I'm not ready to give up

and I hope you aren't ready to give up on yourself either

love you miss you take care kisses

[dontcallmebabyagainxoxox]

Every year I say this is gonna be my year im gonna be the best version of me. this year we haven't got off to a great start, if anything I've lost myself. I've had the flu twice, two severe allergic reactions and as of most recently i'm under skin cancer investigation with any luck its been removed now and I can just move on because I still have six months of this year left to be me again, hair is being done next Monday (thank fuck the roots on me are horrific) currently sat here deciding on my next tattoo, and maybe even some new piercings, because apparently when I want to cheer myself up and feel like me I need to spend horrific amounts of money and read absolute filth on Tumblr. Treat yourself and all that I guess

[ahahahahahahahahahahah]

This type of issue is the reason my blog is so -at this point- worringly full of gilfs.

This and the fact that every dilf in media does in fact, look like my father. And growing up irl with a beautiful mother was already traumatic.

"DILF", a word which here means "the only male character with a speaking role in this piece of media who's actually old enough for me to be horny for him".

[spacetrashfallingdown]

Isaac (love him) got me thinking about old dogs and about my old childhood dog. He was a born by an airport so he never feared loud sounds. He was a big, clever mutt and he always played with me, even when his old legs could no longer move fast enough to match my speed. And I realised that he knew me since my birth and he considered me a part of the family and that he loved me, and we both went through some abuse because my parents didn't know any better, and I cried about him dying for the first time ever. Very long due tears, 16 years, I think. At the time I just shut the thoughts down to avoid dealing with the loss. He was the first death I experienced.

[prettybluebro]

i loave doodling

[beifong-brainrot]

So um. I genuinely don't have many thoughts on the live action atla. It looks fine.. i guess

Except. Zuko's scar.

It's so... underwhelming. Like yeah it's there. It's red and it has a little bit of texture. But I guess i was hoping the live action would make it a little more prominent.

Like I'm a burn victim myself, who very much went through a similar struggle Zuko did. Where i felt like my scars define me. This. This feels not like what i hoped for. They even let him keep his eyebrow 😤

And I'm hoping that it's just because it wasn't practical to go all out with it. Like it was too expensive to put full prosthetics and special effects on such a young actor for every shoot.

But i have this sinking feeling in my gut that its because he's 'meant to be attractive'. Or even more heartbreakingly, that making it bigger would be considered too 'gory' or 'body horror'.

And im just tired of seeing scars and other 'deformities' as being seen as something to only be shown in full capacity in horror movies. That it would be too visceral or too 'gross' to fully show. It reinforces the idea that people like Zuko, people like me have something inherently disgusting and ugly about us. That our features have to be toned down in order to be palatable to a wider audience.

I remember seeing Zuko for the first time as a kid and seeing a part of myself that was rarely represented. I was bullied for my skin grafts as a child. Of course i was, kids are cruel. But seeing Zuko go through the struggles i went through and to have him find people who didn't treat him differently was so important to me. Like to me, that part of his story was arguably more important than his redemption arc.

And seeing Zuko seen as attractive by people in the fandom was also a profound experience. Because it felt like i could too exist in my full burnt chicken nugget glory and still be treated as a full person. Not looked at with pity or disgust.

So that's why live action Zuko's scar is such a disappointment to me.

I have other thoughts on the atla remake but really, they don't matter that much, since i don't think ill be watching it

[themusicsystem1412]

Hypothetically:

My bed was too soft and my hip subluxed in my sleep, and then I didn’t notice anything but a small amount of pain. So then I popped in 500mg of acetaminophen, then I walked 6-ish miles and the drugs wore off as I fucked up my body further while walking. Then I was so fucked up when I got home I was genuinely scared and wanted to go to the hospital but I was unemployed, and without health insurance or money, and I’m not even diagnosed with anything so how the fuck do I even explain that I’ve got a fucked hip but I’m not screaming in pain…

So then my grandpa just completely brushed off my insistence to go to the ER and then told me to sleep it off basically

And I’d never had hip problems before in my life ever

And I just kept keeping weight off of that hip while it felt awful and it eventually just got back into place

But then the other hip got fucked

And now my hips are permanently taking turns getting fucked

And this happened when I was 20 and I still haven’t been to the doctor in years 🥲👍

Me, about to tell everyone about the ridiculous way that I managed to dislocate a joint this time:

[ID: An X-Files meme featuring Agent Mulder walking into a room while saying "Scully, you're not gonna believe this." /End ID]

[ducklingpia]

Alright so can we talk about the Rafayel to Caleb girlie - pipeline because I’m seeing something interesting

I feel like a lot of Rafayel girlies are so into Caleb right now. Like I saw a lot of us posting about Gege and discussing about his storyline more than other girlies does.

What is with us here? 😂

I saw the post talking about Caleb is for the only-child/ or oldest child who grow up ALONE and I was like, hold on a minute. I think I cracked the code

1. We do have a type. A complex, have a tragic back story but also very passionate man. The type to not be very easy to love. But will be the most loyal& devoted to you through thick and thin

2. From howl in howl's moving castle to Prince Zuko to Gojo Satoru to Oikawa to Rafayel to Caleb- something like that

3. Plus if you are an ARMY, who's your bias in BTS and why it is Min Yoongi??

4. You are not scared of a complicated (fictional) man, you’re not scared to put in the effort for them, to understand and get to know who they are (bc maybe nobody has ever put an effort to really understand you before)

5. And you’re the type to not scared of their ‘flaws’ or ‘imperfections’ (bc you also have some parts of you that is not perfect and you know they would accept them as what it is)

6. you're attracted to someone who doesn’t care if you make mistakes or not be a perfect human being all the time (because you have to be like that all your life)

7. We need a man who is a little bit intense. For some people they’re too overbearing, but for you it's just right. Someone who’s not scared to be ‘too much’ for you in terms of expressing their love (bc that’s what you fear you are so you learn to keep most of your emotions to yourself- leaning more on avoidant side)

8. The kinda guy who would hide their emotional side behind those playful gazes (bc sometimes you did that too)

9. THE BANTER, they have to be a bit of playfulness from them and be able to joke about serious stuffs with you

10. You need someone to heal your inner child. A part from you that never got taken care of

Now with the only child who grew up ALONE topic

As an only child, I grow up in a household where every woman in my life are living the life of “Strong, independent, girlboss” woman to the point of burning themselves on the ground. I see the cycle repeating for several generations until my own.

I grow up mostly alone, having to take care of myself in every aspects. And I mostly did it well.

But In reality, I just can’t effort to be reckless. Because if I don’t take care of myself and keep myself in check, nobody else will.

(Nobody will save me but me)

For some people the “Yandere” side of Caleb are a red-flag but for me?

to have a man care about you and taking care of you all the time? Notices about every details in your life and makes sure you never have to lift a finger? the man who's so down bad and would burn the world down for just you alone?

That’s my wet dream, A fantasy.

unlike MC, maybe because I have to live as an independent woman my whole life. I have nothing to proved.

I just want to be loved.

I just want to be a woman

I just want to just 'be'

His doting & overprotective personality healed the little girl inside me.

Same with Rafayel, being with him always heals my inner child that I never fully experience as a kid.

Both of them are so 🥺🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

[wistfullywaiting2]

The biggest misconception in the bsd fandom ever to me is people constantly portraying Atsushi as someone who trauma dumps excessively when he canonically barely talks about it at all.

The entire point is that Atsushi does not talk about his trauma he’s just constantly reliving it. He can’t escape the memories of his past so he tries not to acknowledge them.

He only mentions it when asked, either directly or when someone asks him to explain himself.

Atsushi doesn’t even give a cohesive explanation for what he saw while under Dogra Magra, he just apologizes to Haruno and Naomi.

If Lucy hadn’t had her whole “you’ve never suffered the way I have” spiel then I doubt even the audience would’ve gotten to find out about his scars

If Akutagawa never asked him how it felt for the orphanage headmaster to die Atsushi would have never told him that he’s been hallucinating.

In the omake where Kyoka asks him why his hair is like that it’s clear he wouldn’t have told her that unless she had asked.

In 55 minutes Atsushi very briefly mentions sleeping on a dirty floor somewhere to Kunikida because he was trying to explain and justify his behavior.

And the thing is there are scenes that implies the other characters see Atsushi behaving strangely and are visibly confused because they do not understand what’s wrong with him.

Remember, we as an audience get to see things about characters that the main cast doesn’t. Just because we see into Atsushi’s mind doesn’t mean the other characters know what’s going on in there.

[startheskelaton]

Can you tell us more about Landlot(Sparkplug's ex boyfriend)please?

Oh gosh I'm gonna go on a huge tangent about this guy, mostly because I feel like it.

So Landlot is the newest version of a character that belonged to my own ex boyfriend. However I was the one to properly flesh out his character, the most my ex did was give him a color pallet and basic personality.

For context, One Spark first started as a fanfiction called "End of the rode" made by my ex. It was a post apocalyptic transformers au where the Optimus and Megatron are dead, the autobots are trying to make another arc to get to Cybertron and the decepticons are now led by Starscream. The story only really got a proper threw line when I suggested adding a character I had thought up, Sal Witwicky, the orphaned daughter of Spike Witwicky. Sal's deal was that she resented transformers because they not only destroyed her world, but let her family die, now she's one of few surviving humans. She gets found by Hound and reluctantly agrees to go back with him to the autoboot base.

At one point, Sal was supposed to be horribly injured by Ravage (who was only there because I really liked Soundwave, and his addition helped fill in plot gaps), to the point she was about to die. However they put her in a experimental protoform body... she would now be known... as Sparkplug. (I also came up with this plotline)

Why am I going on about this? Well because it's important to why Land lot exists on my current story. Landlot in the old fanfiction was a twin and was one of the first transformers built on earth, post Sparkplug getting put into robot body. He was supposed to be the leader of his group, as he was kind of a hotrod wanna be. He was also vary clearly a self projection character for my ex, similar to how I tend to project onto Sparkplug. I had offered the idea for Sparkplug and Landlot to be a couple, I can't remember if my ex was on board for the idea or not, however I do remember it being the only thing close to romance in the whole story.

So here we are a good maybe 6 years later. I had a lot of trauma from that relationship to the point I still dream about him, and the moment I realize it's him in my dream, I try and get away from him, not wanting to be with him at all. I won't say I was a saint during that relationship, but I do resent him for being able to find some sense of peace with intimacy. A lot of shit happened... So when I decided to remake the Transformers AU, I was mean to Landlot.

So who is Landlot in the One Spark AU?

Well he's a 1970's Plymoth GX, who emerged with his twin sister, Defender. They emerged pretty soon after the matrix awakened the energon on earth. They emerged vary close to the autobot base and were taken in and trained like any normal sparkling would be trained back on Cybertron. He fit in vary well as he remined a lot of the autobots of the older days, just a bunch of guys who turned into cars acting like heroes and messing around. He would become a poster boy for the transformers born on Earth.

How did he end up dating Sparkplug? Well I'll tell yah. Despite a lot of my art showing people dotting over Sparkplug, that wasn't the case for a majority of the autobots, yes a good amount of them formed bonds with her, but it was only because they were related to prime. Bot's like Ironhide, sideswipe, Blur, Proceptor and a good amount of other autobot's being vary against Megatron and Soundwave being allowed to join, and some are still convinced that Sparkplug is just part of a secret plan of Megatron to try and take over earth again.

So a lot of bots stayed away from her, and this bias would trickle down to the new earth born bots on the base. So Sparkplug never had any friends her age, the closet being Rumble and Frenzy who were basically teenagers when she was born. However Sparkplug did grow up to be rather pretty... well... as pretty as you can be while being a weird combination of two bots. Even though she tried to talk to the other young bots, her awkwardness and bluntness only made them stay away from her. However Landlot slip in, seeing an opportunity to have a cute/shy girlfriend. Sparkplug fell hard and fast for him because she had never had anyone interested in her romantically. He would try and mold Sparkplug into a sweet, dotting and helpless shy girl that would hang on his arm to make him look cooler. Because how badass would it be to show that he was able to get the notorious Megatron's daughter to be his side chick.

Eventually, Sparkplug got tired of getting the short end of the stick and decided to break up with him after seeing that he was trying to get with other bots behind her back, bot's that vary clearly didn't like her.

So that's where they stand as of now. Landlot is still a celebrated leader for his heroics and fun personality, while Sparkplug just only got passed to go on missions and was put on the most mind numbing job imaginable.

sorry that this is so long, I just really wanted to share all this info

[hopeinthebox]

bts + reductress headlines pt.12

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

I am once again begging you not to say "Abrahamic" when you mean "Christian." Judaism, Islam, and Christianity are very different religions with very different theologies, philosophies, and histories.