#sorry for the trauma dump

[auguste-marmonts-only-fan]

Pls always keep on Marmont-posting

You are one of the best things that happened to me in Tumblr <3

Really?!?!?

I'm glad that you like my content, and this one of the nicest things anyone has said to me lol (kinda sad to be honest)

I have always been criticised by my peers for liking things and over sharing but after I started posting on tumblr I feel more free to express my intrest and I'm not as embarrassed anymore (very cliché and corny , I know)

So seeing nice comments and stuff like that really makes my day 💕💕💕💕

Xoxo

[lily-s-world]

I don't often post personal stuff here, but I really need to scream into the void about this one.

Our beloved pet passed away a few days ago, and since then, my sister, who is older than me, has been under the weather. I hear her at night talking and laughing with friends and her boyfriend, so I know she is sad but she is moving forward.

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder a couple of years ago, and even though I am super sad about our pet, I am also trying to move forward.

However, my mom and grandma had been cuddling my sister nonstop about this. And when I mention that "hey, I also lost her and I was the one that financially provided for the dog and drover her to all her appointments"; they just said "yeah, but you are you, you will be fine".

I really don't want to invalidate my sister feelings, but I feel like they are invalidating mine because I had always been the "responsible one," the "one that resolves"... Is like "yeah you are sad, but you will get over it. Your sister, on the other hand, needs all our support."

Can't it be on equal parts?? Like, we both may need that support??

But honestly, it is on me for expecting from my family something they will never give me. The curse of the older sister skipped my sister and landed on me. No wonder I play "Surface Pressure" from Encanto all the time.

[thrashedparticle]

hi. a lot of of you know that i have a cat that has been in heart failure for almost a year now. unfortunately, he passed away this morning because of it. he lived a very loving 6 years. i'd spend every bit of my pitiful savings and loans just to see him again. he was a sweet boy and i’m going to miss him so much.

i’ll be taking a hiatus from here for now. sorry if i don’t reply to you or post anything. be safe and good luck

[turbulenceseverywhere]

So, I just lost my best friend to cancer and I'm already severely depressed rn and now I'm stuck in grief so guess it's time for my annual twilight marathon

[we-were-meant-to-be-one]

On the verge of crying because I’ve been out of school almost all week (mental health is in the drain rn) and my teacher messaged me checking to see if I was okay

It just means so much to me, she’s one of my favorite teachers because she’s so caring

[uredrunk]

hi how are u inez? are you alright 🧸

hi, thank you for asking! i hope you have a beautiful day 🩵 i’ll vent everything i feel here if you don’t mind. talking about it always helps.

this month has been rough on me. i feel lonely at college because i have no meaningful friendships. i even cried in front of my mother two times because of it. i feel like i am not having the “college experience”, the time everyone says it’s the best one. it’s very hard for me to wake up and go to classes… in general, i feel unmotivated.

my ex yesterday also liked a picture of my meme page that i know he searched for it because it has my old username. but i don’t let that bother me. i blocked and went on with my day.

he ghosted me while i was having a panic attack about the stress of my college. i was like a trophy for him, not a real human being. also, i compared myself a lot with the girls he used to like all the time on twitter. i wanted to be the perfect girlfriend. i changed everything about me. it wasn’t enough back then. so i’d rather be alone.

but TRULY what’s hurting me the most is the loneliness at college. i seek escapism everywhere. it’s painful…

[angel-armed]

Apropros of nothing I wandered into the New Polyamorous Netflix Show I Liked (The Bastard Son and the Devil Himself) tag, and one of the first things I saw was a little essay about how this person doesn't like Jessica as an antagonist bc they think it's unrealistic and I quote "Like they're only a year apart, it doesn't make any sense why she hates him so much"

To me, Jessica is the most realistic villain in the show, Lol, because there are real Jessicas in the world, let me tell you.

Warning for detailed discussion of sibling-on-sibling violence, abuse, etc.

I gotta say. As a person with a real life sibling who hates me and has tried to literally, no joke, physically end my life: Jessica is the best villain I've seen in years because nothing, nothing can top the completely unreasonable, baffling cruelty of a literal blood family member that just decides they need an enemy, someone to blame for anything and everything bad that happens to them, and then them deciding you're it.

My sister's 4 years younger than me, so no one ever even took me seriously and kept talking about power dynamics. Lol. Power dynamics don't mean shit when someone is so unhinged that they will literally POISON (i am not kidding or making light or exaggerating) your boyfriend because they found him cringe and annoying, only to tell you about it later after you've broken up like it was a cute thing to do. The things I can tell you this person did to me not only left multiple very obvious permanent physical scars on my body, but traumatized me and how I go about romantic relationships for the rest of my life. She wouldn't let me HAVE a boyfriend, or a crush growing up. She would do ANYTHING to ruin it. Anything. And often succeeded. Sometimes she'd sabotage my friendships too, and if I had a falling out with someone, immediately take their side to feed them gossip and 'dirt' on me.

Any time she didn't get what she wanted, she resorted to violence. She would lash out with her nails, and even when she was little, I'm talking a tiny little waif of a like, 7 year old once managed to scratch my face so badly I had to have my eye bandaged for weeks in the HOPES it would heal. I have those scars down my face to this day, though they're faint. The ones on my arms and hands however, will never go away.

When she was little at least my mother could hold her down and cut her fingernails short (she still managed to use them to maim let me tell you) lol.

But as soon as she hit puberty, she ended up just short of 6 ft tall. Takes after our dad who was 6'5'' or smth like that, and she loved it. She became literally impossible to physically control. She'd never try to hit my parents, and my parents never hit her. But she'd hit me. She took it out on me any time she didn't get what she wanted. When my mother told her no, or told her she had to do something, she'd look her right in the eye and tell her: You can't make me.

My parents eventually just gave up trying to control her. She ran everything on her time. Dropped out of high school without finishing a year. A year or two later, got pregnant on purpose and I quote "Because having kids meant she'd have someone who would have to love her no matter what"

She now has complete control over my mother's life because my mother lets her live off of her without a job with three kids because my mom is too afraid she'll 'never get to see' her grandkids again if the truth gets out how bad they're off and how deadbeat their parents are. Yeah.

And all of this shit isn't even the worst she's done to me, personally. I have, at this point, repeatedly chosen actual literal full service sex work and homelessness over having to 'go live at home' with her and my mom. I was afraid for years that she'd find out where I live after I moved back to town because in my first apartment-- a little duplex in the old side of town, she had people literally leave creepy, mob style 'markers' on my door to scare me. Maybe with more intentions than that. She confirmed it eventually.

And she maintains her constant story: that I got everything handed to me and was the favorite. Which is basically her interpretation of me literally working myself into bedrest in my senior year so I could afford to go with my AP Japanese class on our exchange trip that summer. Her version of the story is always that my parents paid my way which is. Literally proveably not true.

I worked so hard to be able to do that, because my family is poor as fuck, that it made me sick. I came down with mono around the same time and it was so severe I was on bedrest for nearly six months in my senior year, desperately trying to do whatever my teachers would send home for me to do to keep up. The case was so severe that I never fully recovered which hell, I didn't even know was a thing that can happen until a few months ago. It was the 'major disabling' event of my life, when I was eighteen damn years old. I worked my parttime job cleaning a nursing home kitchen until I literally passed out and blacked out, having already been at school 8-9 hours every day involved in my club activities before I'd go into a shift.

And she hated me for it!

In my late teens and twenties I lived in constant terror, covered in bruises and bloody cuts and shit from defending myself against her outbursts and my mom was so cowed that she wouldn't, and still to this day, has never protected me from her. All my sister has to do is threaten to hurt herself and my mom shuts up.

I could not own anything special or precious that I didn't wear on my body (and even then, she stole my favorite ring-- which I never saw again-- while I left it in the pocket of my cooking apron in the kitchen so it wouldn't get dirty. I was making food for the whole family. lol)

It didn't matter how explicitly it was something of mine. She'd 'borrow' it or take it and keep it around so that when I asked for it back my mom, who was often in a haze from pain medication she needed for her back, would just agree with her and tell us to stop fighting. It was always like that. I learned that I could never cherish anything. She WOULD take it.

This continued even up unto her not letting me have anything of my dad's when he passed away a few years ago. My current partner who I live with literally watched her attempt to fight me physically in front of the family lol. because I wouldn't hit her back for fear of HER calling the cops on ME, that didn't go well either. I got a bunch of scratches all over my hand from that too. My mom apologized, but could do nothing.

So.

Pls don't come in here saying all of the things my parents should have done. Keep in mind my mother is queer and my father was native american and no, they do not call the cops, the cops have never helped us and never will. The cops were never an option, though there are times even I, the most ACAB fucker you'll ever meet, thought maybe, just maybe she needed to be snatched and beat. I dunno. Yeah, and all this because someone made a comment about a fictional thing that seemed unrealistic LOL it just bothered me so much. The show was great and cathartic for me, because I do know what it's like to be terrorized your whole life just for trying your best to be good and turn out okay by someone who sees you as worse than dirt on the bottom of their shoe even though they're supposed to be your closest family. It was real as fuck to me. Just because someone doesn't have a point of reference to it doesn't make it unrealistic. If anything, I resented Nathan's good sense to steer clear of her instead of the mistake I made over and over by telling myself "But she's my sister" and trusting her only to have her move the football at the end every time in classic fashion. Only in my adult life did I finally stop letting my mom talk me into 'trying to make up with her' and basically refuse any and all contact. I do not see my family because she will be there. I do not do or go to anything she might show up at. I barely get to see my nieces and nephew, but that's just what I have to do for my health.

Jessica Byrne is a cool as fuck villain to me for that reason. I've never felt seen before in that way. Hey maybe having a spawn of satan sibling that wants you dead just makes you turn out poly, I dunno ask my two lovely partners who I would do anything for who are my real family now and forever. sgkjaskj

[shroedingers-gay]

I hate the "you need to love yourself before you get into a relationship" mentality.

I dont know HOW to love myself

No one taught me

No one made me feel like I was worthy of being loved, not my boyfriends, or my family

Now I'm 22, broken, single, and told I cant have a healthy relationship because I dont love myself

[bellarichie]

having personality/behaviour issues that need to be adressed with a therapist because your parents raised you in an overprotective way feels rude. like, what, you're sad because your parents LOVED you too hard? UNGRATEFUL.

[dontcallmebabyagainxoxox]

Every year I say this is gonna be my year im gonna be the best version of me. this year we haven't got off to a great start, if anything I've lost myself. I've had the flu twice, two severe allergic reactions and as of most recently i'm under skin cancer investigation with any luck its been removed now and I can just move on because I still have six months of this year left to be me again, hair is being done next Monday (thank fuck the roots on me are horrific) currently sat here deciding on my next tattoo, and maybe even some new piercings, because apparently when I want to cheer myself up and feel like me I need to spend horrific amounts of money and read absolute filth on Tumblr. Treat yourself and all that I guess

[spacetrashfallingdown]

Isaac (love him) got me thinking about old dogs and about my old childhood dog. He was a born by an airport so he never feared loud sounds. He was a big, clever mutt and he always played with me, even when his old legs could no longer move fast enough to match my speed. And I realised that he knew me since my birth and he considered me a part of the family and that he loved me, and we both went through some abuse because my parents didn't know any better, and I cried about him dying for the first time ever. Very long due tears, 16 years, I think. At the time I just shut the thoughts down to avoid dealing with the loss. He was the first death I experienced.

[wilcze-kudly]

So um. I genuinely don't have many thoughts on the live action atla. It looks fine.. i guess

Except. Zuko's scar.

It's so... underwhelming. Like yeah it's there. It's red and it has a little bit of texture. But I guess i was hoping the live action would make it a little more prominent.

Like I'm a burn victim myself, who very much went through a similar struggle Zuko did. Where i felt like my scars define me. This. This feels not like what i hoped for. They even let him keep his eyebrow 😤

And I'm hoping that it's just because it wasn't practical to go all out with it. Like it was too expensive to put full prosthetics and special effects on such a young actor for every shoot.

But i have this sinking feeling in my gut that its because he's 'meant to be attractive'. Or even more heartbreakingly, that making it bigger would be considered too 'gory' or 'body horror'.

And im just tired of seeing scars and other 'deformities' as being seen as something to only be shown in full capacity in horror movies. That it would be too visceral or too 'gross' to fully show. It reinforces the idea that people like Zuko, people like me have something inherently disgusting and ugly about us. That our features have to be toned down in order to be palatable to a wider audience.

I remember seeing Zuko for the first time as a kid and seeing a part of myself that was rarely represented. I was bullied for my skin grafts as a child. Of course i was, kids are cruel. But seeing Zuko go through the struggles i went through and to have him find people who didn't treat him differently was so important to me. Like to me, that part of his story was arguably more important than his redemption arc.

And seeing Zuko seen as attractive by people in the fandom was also a profound experience. Because it felt like i could too exist in my full burnt chicken nugget glory and still be treated as a full person. Not looked at with pity or disgust.

So that's why live action Zuko's scar is such a disappointment to me.

I have other thoughts on the atla remake but really, they don't matter that much, since i don't think ill be watching it

[notthatbighouse]

in this moment, all i need is a real friend, but not like a "friend", A REAL friend. When most of your relationships, either platonic or romantic, end up in manipulation or pure falsehood, its kinda difficult to have new realtionships, because even tho you love that person,there is a gut feeling that they will betray you at one time,and i wish i wasnt like that

[wistfullywaiting2]

The biggest misconception in the bsd fandom ever to me is people constantly portraying Atsushi as someone who trauma dumps excessively when he canonically barely talks about it at all.

The entire point is that Atsushi does not talk about his trauma he’s just constantly thinking about/reliving it. He can’t escape the memories of his past so he tries not to acknowledge them.

He only mentions it when asked, either directly or when someone asks him to explain himself.

Atsushi doesn’t even give a cohesive explanation for what he saw while under Dogra Magra, he just apologizes to Haruno and Naomi.

If Lucy hadn’t had her whole “you’ve never suffered the way I have” spiel then I doubt even the audience would’ve gotten to find out about his scars

If Akutagawa never asked him how it felt for the orphanage headmaster to die Atsushi would have never told him that he’s been hallucinating.

In the omake where Kyoka asks him why his hair is like that it’s clear he wouldn’t have told her that unless she had asked.

In 55 minutes Atsushi very briefly mentions sleeping on a dirty floor somewhere to Kunikida because he was trying to explain and justify his behavior.

And the thing is that there are scenes that implies that the other characters see Atsushi behaving strangely and are visibly confused because they do not understand what’s wrong with him.

Remember, we as an audience get to see things about characters that the main cast doesn’t. Just because we see into Atsushi’s mind doesn’t mean the other characters know what’s going on in there.

Also little footnote here that I think this is a reference to the moon over the mountain but I digress

[castoutnine]

I wake up. Think about her. Do my morning things, thinking about what I could have done. Go to work and hopefully distract myself with enough nice customers, oh its been 10 mins and haven't thought about her, better do that. Drive around for errands, feel on edge cuz I might see her. Check parking lots for her car cuz I don't want to run into her and get the cold shoulder. Sit down to enjoy something, then her name pops into my head, time to beat myself up cuz I was dumb and not good enough. Sit at work, depressed, on the verge of tears BUT I CANT CRY CUZ FUCK MAN I'M ALWAYS AT WORK. Sigh.

I met a girl recently, thought she might be cool. Was kinda at first but I just wanted a friend but she wants more and GODDAMNIT I just feel like I'm my ex now doing exactly what she did to me.

I hate all of this. Why must I always be sad unless I am acknowledged by a woman that matters to me. And the shit part is I have friends, that are women, that have and do but they're not romantically interested in me so my brain is just like nah, that don't matter, they don't know you like that even if they do. I could literally have a girl fall head over heels for me but if it doesn't click then I don't want it. But thats just how it is yea? I mean this new girl, like her eyes sparkle when she sees me and Im just like.. girl you drink too much.

Wtf is wrong with me...

[hopeinthebox]

bts + reductress headlines pt.12