#sorry for the super boring answers

[userblaney]

nine people you want to know better

was tagged by @ricciardo-is-thriving <33 love u denise MWAH

last song: we listening to the eid playlist rn but the last song i listened to by myself (if u get me) was acquainted by the weeknd

currently watching: not actively watching anything rn, but next on my to be watched is rewatching fight club, and breaking bad and THEN, finish watching criminal minds,,

currently reading: nothing...i like. have so many books i need to read but i havent read and enjoyed a book in SO long. i hate skl

latest obsession: nascar...(ryan blaney.) and i think i might be getting into motogp as well 😭

taggin @formula-red, @ellearts, @mewgarden, @piastristimtams, @osaka-lilac, @urmuminnitt, @bushisbisexual, @lightningmcqueenstan (if you even see this z 😭) and @pink-car. DONT FEEL U HAVE TO!! also if u see this and r like. omg can i do this. you can x

[hella1975]

i need to read more books and annotate in the margins i need to write more i need to buy jeans that fit me i need to eat more fruit i need to buy good quality headphones i need to get a skincare routine i need to talk to my friends more i need to wash my hair i need to stop treating this inhabitation as a curse. i am tired of punishing the body that has fought me for survival every day for years. i deserve little treats as regularly as possible !!

[luc1ferian]

Hi I'm thinking about writing a h2g2 and gravity falls crossover fic. I saw your post awhile ago and I was wondering if you had any idea on how the two fords would interact.

Oooh this is a really good idea!

Hm, I haven't properly watched Gravity Falls in a while (I KNOW IM SORRY), but comparing their personalities from what i know they have a couple similarities and differences.

For first interactions I'm not entirely sure how or where, neither of them are naturally social but if someone were to start a conversation it would be Prefect, and once they realize they're both named Ford P. they'd hit off perfectly.

I think they'd love to go out for a small drink and talk about their outlooks on life, about space, their own traumas and relationships, about their research and studies with their respective books (Pines to the Journals, and Prefect to the Guide), and about their plans for future. This interaction could also be a lot funnier depending on the tone you wanted to take.

Ooooh they could also rant about their annoying family members (Zaphod and Stan)

They would also engage in an epic game of Dungeons & More Dungeons no doubt

[chittychittyyangyang]

What’s your favorite RWBY crack ship? Neo x Neon is hilarious to me and I can’t make sense of it lol

You know, despite all evidence to the contrary, I'm really not much of a shipper as a whole, let alone crack ships. I asked this to my roommate too who's also into the show and we were even trying to think what I'd like. The best we could come up with is White/Knight, not that anyone else would label it a crack ship, but had you asked me before V9 if I ever thought it could or would happen I would have said it better not.

[theloveinc]

how is the UK!!!!!

gwen!!!🥰🥰🥺🥺you are sooo sweet for asking, thank you so much for the interest!!💕

aside from my family driving me literally. insane. and the fact i got my period w/o warning, it’s been really wonderful so far, and this is only my third morning?

i spent the last two days in my cousin’s apartment, mostly walking around her neighborhood in London trying to figure out what’s going on lol, but yesterday we made it to the country to help prep for my other cousin’s wedding this weekend and that’s been nice too. It’s really, really beautiful out here:

there’s still a lot of this trip to go so i feel a little boring having only done this so far (esp cuz my favorite store is literally just boots of all places, the drugstore) but I’m excited for what else is to come! Especially the food and seeing/meeting all my family’s pets (here’s only a few of them):

(oh and i forgot, all the new babies that have been born since my last visit too LOL… there’s at least… six of them i think. maybe seven)

But i’ll def post more updates / pictures along the way if i take anything good to make sure you can see too if u want! I’m really hoping once i feel a bit better from my jet lag/period that i cheer up a bit and get more into the traveling spirit🖤🖤🖤and also make my fics for Gaza post to work on when im home!!

Thank u so much again for asking!!! It means so much to me! Since you’re in Australia(?) i wanna ask what’s some fun stuff you’ve been up to, too, cuz it will all sound new to me?? But other than that, i LOVE U berry much gwenny💘

[hollandsangel]

do u think chris/matt would want their gfs to be submissive or dominant 😝

they’re both switch af i think LOL but i also don’t think it would be an extreme sub/dom dynamic either way. yall are in it together.

[spectrearia]

-tag game-

tagged by @artist-at-play for a tag game thing but the original post was too long (and I also forgot about this for a LONG TIME IM SO SORRY FSGHKF--) so I'm just making my own! I think I've done this same one before? so some of my answers won't change lol. thanks for the tag, tho!!

---

Three ships: hhhhghn I really don't care much about romance in media so it's not something I feel passionate about. I guess if I HAD to pick something tho, maybe Rapunzel x Eugene? from Tangled? or Kim Possible x Ron Stoppable, idk. the characters have good chemistry so I don't mind seeing them together, which can't be said for a lot of other ships xD

First ever ship: Mickey x Minnie, I guess. from when I was like. 5 lol

Last song: Konton Boogie by jon-YAKITORY, I believe (watched my friend play the chart in Project Diva last night and I haven't listened to any music since then - shocking, I know)

Last film: I can't??? remember????? I hardly ever watch movies anymore >n<;;

Currently reading: depends on what you consider "current" lol - recently read some more of the Apothecary Diaries manga, but I've finished the few books that I borrowed from a friend and haven't read anything else since fjghdfg

oh, edit: I guess I could also list both my close friend's WIP story and my own writing as something I've been currently reading. trying to get myself back into writing again tho and the only way I can think to do that is to go back and reread some of the stuff I enjoyed writing before. can't say it's really working, tho >n<;;

Currently watching: literally nothing atm, but I'll probably go down the random youtube video rabbit hole sometime tonight for zone-out time.

Currently consuming: a whoopie pie <33

Currently craving: food-wise? nothing, really. in general? I'm craving a walk in the woods or just some kind of outdoor adventure 😭

---

really sorry most of these were like. unsure answers - my memory is genuinely really bad sometimes and it's hard for me to actually recall some of the media I've recently engaged with;;; rip

tagging whoever wants to do this, tho - I'm bad at actually tagging ppl so it's just fair game xD

[somuchtostudysolittletime]

17/5/23 // 21.50

It’s been a while! Here’s some more neuro notes, and quite conveniently for me, I have the pick of the patients to do as a case study because I’m essentially working in a neuro icu atm. GBS, encephalitis, some weird neuro things that might be meningitis, and a stroke patient. What a time to be studying neuro!

[riddlerosehearts]

Okay now I've come to ask you about Elenion! I want to know everything!!! What about them has grown and changed? Are they still a bard with a bit of stage fright? Did their origin story change at all? How's Gale? Are you hoping for anything specific from Act 3? (You don't have to answer all those questions, just giving some prompts 😊) I'm pumped that you're loving the game!!!

ooh okay, well first of all i hope the way that i always switch between using he/him and they/them pronouns for elenion isn't confusing. i actually use the mirror to swap them in-game sometimes too and i really love that that's a thing they let you do. oh and speaking of using the mirror, back when i first started playing i shared with you some screenshots of what he looked like but since then i ended up changing to a slightly different face preset from a mod i had installed--he basically just has freckles and shorter/smaller ears now, but that fits much better than what i started with.

also, while i was waiting to be able to replace my hard drive i actually filled out a whole character sheet i found on here just for the fun of it and was planning to post it later! maybe i'll also write out a character description along with it, so i can reference that if i need to.

anyway, gonna put the rest of this under a cut just in case it gets lengthy! (assuming the cut shows up in the correct place, anyway. i had this reply saved as a draft and tumblr keeps glitching and messing things up whenever i save the draft.)

so back when i first started playing, i had come up with a basic idea for what kind of character i wanted to make but a lot of it was sort of vague. and then as i played through act 1 i ended up coming up with different ideas that i preferred and decided to stick with. i didn't really change too much about elenion's personality! i think i told you before that they've always wanted to live up to the legacy of their father who was himself a renowned bard but they're very anxious and insecure, and that they're very reserved but also friendly and good at putting on a confident facade. that's all still true. however, i think i also told you that they were pretty normal and didn't have a traumatic backstory and that their father died after they moved away from home… well, i did change that a bit! i decided that their father actually died like 15 years ago when they were still a teenager, in an accident that they have always believed was their fault, and there was no way for them to save him or bring him back--so that's why they've continued to act the way they do for so long, and also why they very infrequently visit baldur's gate and are anxious about returning. they gradually distanced themself from their home and from their mother out of guilt and haven't visited in years at this point, always using their work and their travels as an excuse, so now having to be back in the city means having to face that.

something else that's important is that before getting abducted by mindflayers elenion would basically do a lot of historical and anthropological research in whatever places he visited as a way to gain inspiration for his writing, and he actually really prefers just doing research and putting on smaller performances over trying to be the glamorous bard that his father was, but before ending up on this crazy journey and becoming more comfortable with opening up to gale and the other companions he would've never admitted that to anyone including himself. right now he still plans to just keep doing what he's been doing after all this is over, but maybe he'll end up accepting that it is not working, isn't making him happy, and probably isn't how his father would've wanted him to spend his life. all of this is still a fairly simple story, but hey, sometimes simplicity works best!

gale is literally so sweet and is such a gentleman and i can't believe there are people who hate him. something i did in the game not too long ago was find tara on a rooftop eating pigeons and after she left gale was like "oh by the way, i was thinking about introducing you two over a homecooked meal in my super cool tower that has a really nice kitchen and a wine cellar, if you would like that!" …uh, hello, who WOULDN'T afkjghdsfs. i actually had him in my party during the big battle at the mind flayer colony and he very nearly tried to blow himself up, but elenion talked him out of it and now he seems like he really does want to live, so obviously i'm glad about that… only now he constantly talks about wanting to find this book about the netherese crown and try to use its power, which is concerning and i really hope i don't somehow accidentally convince him to become a god omg. i honestly can't really think of anything specific that i'm wanting to see in act 3, i'm just excited to see what happens and how everybody's stories end! though i know gale has at least one more really sweet romance scene coming up in act 3 because i've seen gifs of it, so i guess i can say i'm looking forward to getting to see it for myself. i also really want to know what's going to happen with lae'zel and the githyanki egg we found since in my game she's been carrying it around and seems pretty attached to it, like are we actually going to come across a more accepting creche to drop it off at, or is she just going to end up becoming a mother, or…?? but as for the main plot i pretty much have no idea what to expect!!

[redrockbutch]

I feel like "do you feel an accomplishment after completing a task" discourse is going the way of so many, where people who claim not to feel this are deciding they're the perfect ones to explain how they believe it would feel and ascribing an exaggerated level of emotion that few people ever reach, which means that more people read those posts and decide they also must not feel Sense Of Accomplishment Emotion: The Ticker Tape Parade when in fact everyone involved does, it's just small and weak bc they don't nurture that feeling and instead as soon as they complete a task they wallow over their belief that they're chemically incapable of being happy for themselves

[the-dragon-girl-27]

u watch naruto?

nope and i have very minimal knowledge of it lol

[bitchthefuck1]

have you watched the pjo show?

I saw the first 2 episodes when they came out at a watch party one of my friends threw, and as soon as they ended I realized I didn't particularly care to keep going. It wasn't like, outrageously bad by any means, I just don't think it gripped me enough to want to continue, and there were enough odd adaptational choices that I thought weakened the story that I lost interest. I might have tuned back in if the changes actually built to something interesting in the later episodes, but from everything I've seen it kinda seems like they just took the teeth out of the story, which was what I was worried about.

That being said, the cast seems really great and well suited to their roles, so like, if they improve the writing and pacing in the later seasons and stop sanding down all the rough edges, I might pick it back up. But otherwise, pass.

[sensitivegoblin]

Knowing that you get ler moods make me want to tease and be a brat until you want to destroy me . . . 🤐

Hehe well that’s very fun~ I’d be happy to teach you manners any time🪶😌

Honestly I can’t take too stubborn of brats tho, it confuses me too much I’m not a brat tamer😅

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

do u have a favourite lonan and harrison moment?

oh my god SO MANY. One of the first is the veeeery earliest Lonanasona moment from wayyy back in 2015 (book 3 of Fostered, YA dystopian). 13-year-old Rachel was ON IT.

I think in recent years, it's the spin-the-bottle scene in Seventh Virtue which I shared before but I'll share again! I love this scene so much because they're actually flirting WITH each other

OKAY ALSO I love the scene in Feeding Habits when Harrison and Lonan are like we'renotgoingtosleeptogetherwe'renotgoingto- and then do HAHA.

All under the cut w/ my commentary!

Book 3 (2015):

Context is Reeve and Foster are a COUPLE & have been having a chill romantic evening while Lonan and Harrison are out on a ~~mission (let's ignore the fact that the mission is them visiting Harrison's dead girlfriend's grave as an olive branch between them because a) HE'S GAY and b) Lonan is the one who killed her :) ICING OUT THE COMPETITION?? /j).

I think they're 19 here! Scene with my commentary:

“You’ve been hanging out with Ris all day – how do we know that you two haven’t done anything?” Foster asks, and Lonan and Harrison’s faces go pale white. << WELL I WONDER WHY. They turn their heads to stare at each other, looking back in horror, before Harrison starts pacing around the room. This time, he’s slow, and lazy.

“I think – I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna throw up.” Harrison says, and does actually gag, but thankfully keeps his insides in. << NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE CONVINCING BABE

“You know,” Lonan starts, still pale white. “I second that. Foster you’ve just scarred me for life.” <<< ME WHEN I LIE

"What? It’s a… a perfectly normal and acceptable possibility –” << FOSTER SAID GAY RIGHTS

“Really Foster? With Loner? Oh my god, out of all of the guys in this world, you paired me up with LONER?” << the CAPS LOL

“Yeah, well why not? You both seem awfully close –” << HE RIGHT THO

Harrison screams loudly and does look sick to his stomach when I catch his face. “I’d rather die.” << FOR HIM YOU MEAN??

“Me too.” Lonan adds, and I laugh, crossing my legs and arms out in front of me. << LONAN THIS IS NOT CONVINCING AT ALL

“Let’s just all agree that we’re very busy people, and don’t have time to do… other things with anyone no matter their gender.” I say. <<< I SAY THIS TO MYSELF EVERY DAY

“Agreed.” They chorus together, and that’s the end of that.

More of that:

Shaking his head with a laugh, Foster wipes the back of his hand against his mouth and turns back to Ris. “How’d your trip go?”

“How’d your trip go?” Harrison fires back, head between his knees like he’s trying to calm the nausea. “All this love bullshit is driving me nuts.” << WHY SO DEFENSIVE HAHA THEY DEFINITELY FUCKED

“Is that because your feelings for Lonan are so strong –”

“Oh fuck you! If I liked a guy – and there’s nothing wrong with that – that guy would not be Loner –” <<< LOL

“You guys are practically a married old couple. You even have nicknames for each other…” << MEANT TO BE

Seventh Virtue (2021):

In the canon projects, Lonan and Harrison are :) disasters :) and Lonan also doesn't want to be in a relationship with Harrison (LIES but he's afraid lol), so there's so much angst at the foundation of their relationship. Seventh Virtue is different because their origin story is completely changed. From the start, they're attracted to each other and flirt from the moment they meet!

This scene has it all: Harrison DRAWING, sexual tension, banter, Lonan actually being a confident person!!! Everything they want in canon but suck too bad to have LMAO.

Context: Harrison is quite literally Lonan's prisoner <3 sexy <3

On Harrison and Lonan’s fifth unofficial date, Lonan brought dinner for two. Harrison had been scumbling a portrait of the man five cells over onto the concrete floor, or at least had attempted to. He’d managed to snag an HB pencil off the medic the second time she’d come to inspect his palm. She’d wielded a clipboard then, and had gone down a list of symptoms, most likely for sepsis. Harrison waited for when she’d finished ticking off each box with the pencil, then asked her to re-examine his wound. He said he’d felt a sudden burning and was concerned about an infection. With one hand clutched in the medic’s, he used the other to slip the pencil from the clipboard’s holster, and so, it was his.

He didn’t bother hiding this find from Lonan. Their mutual understanding was that Harrison would take what he pleased while in custody, and Lonan would be too impressed by his skill to reprimand him. At least Harrison hoped he’d be impressed. He was a thief, not blind.

“Have you come to poison me?” Harrison asked, gesturing to the silver pots Lonan had shuffled in on a red plastic tray. “I’ve always wanted to be poisoned. There’s something kind of sexy about never knowing the exact moment the poison really kicks in.” << LOL he's down bad

Lonan settled the tray on the ground. After a moment, he took a seat in front of it, taking care to adjust his freshly-ironed trousers. << typical

“You’re in CEO mode today,” Harrison said, mildly furious but also disgustingly satisfied by the clean wash of his blue button-up. “The last time you were here you were all Casual Friday.”

Lonan unscrewed the cap of the first pot. It steamed, swelled the holding cells with the scent of chili and anise. Harrison’s stomach lurched at the smell; in truth, he had not eaten well since his capture, and that must’ve been days prior, perhaps even a full week before. The man who did bring his three daily meals often dropped the containers purposefully so Harrison had two choices: starve, or eat off the floor like an animal. Sweat pearled on his forehead the more containers Lonan opened.

“I know,” Harrison said, trying to distract himself from his hunger by shading the portrait’s eye. Hatch, hatch, hatch. “You’re here to make me your official food taster.” Hatch. “You said you wanted to give me a job.” Hatch, hatch, hatch. “I’ll never know what I’m going to get.” Hatch. “Kung pao chicken or cyanide.”

“You’re left-handed.” << this delivery is SOOO Lonan

Harrison nearly took out the portrait’s eye. “What?” he asked.

Lonan undid the lid of the final silver pot; it shimmered with broth. He gestured toward the pencil, stubby and clutched in Harrison’s palm. “I’m going to have to confiscate that, you know.” Lonan laid out each pot on the cold floor, then unveiled two plastic plates, and a set of pre-packaged cutlery. “I hope you’re not allergic to anything.”

“So you cut me, arrest me, throw me down here, and now you want to dine with me?” << HA

“Yes,” Lonan said. He ripped open his cutlery packet, slipped out the black fork. As he unloaded bouts of fried rice, mounds of glossed orange chicken, and a generous helping of black pepper beef, he added, “And I didn’t cut you. You did that yourself.”

Harrison snorted. Oh god, he was starving. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep up the façade before he started drooling. “That’s because you were going to stab me in the gut,” he said.

“I wasn’t going to stab you.” << normal tuesday for them

“So what were you going to do with the knife? Use it to play spin the bottle with me?” << the LEAP LOL

Lonan arched a brow. “Would you like to play spin the bottle with me?”

“If you’re the one I’d kiss, then sure.”

This made them both smile, sort of. They equally bit their amusement for the other, tried to pocket it, ignore it, but it was there, their tangible joy. << EEEEE

“Please stop being stubborn and come eat something,” Lonan said, after a moment had passed.

“Please?” Harrison crossed his arms, slotting the pencil into his jacket pocket. “What else are you willing to do to convince me? You said I’m valuable, right?” << WHAT ELSE ARE YOU WILLING TO DO TO CONVINCE ME HAHA

“I don’t think I used those words, but sure.”

“Then show me why I should accept your takeout instead of starving myself to death.”

Lonan sighed. There really was little to gain in Harrison’s challenge. He actually had not planned on starving himself to death, but the idea of using his life as a bargaining chip excited him. Whatever skill he had, he could use to push and pull Lonan. He was valuable. Still, he stayed exactly where he was, trying not to vomit at the smell of good food he certainly wanted so badly.

Harrison watched Lonan as he rose, slowly, dusting himself as he went, bringing his set of cutlery with him. There was very little point to this—the holding cells, all located in a damp, sunless basement, were akin to dust bowls. There was no way to avoid it. Still, he flicked lint off his good shirt, adjusted his collar. Then he walked toward Harrison and kneeled in front of him.

It was more of a treat than a threat to have Lonan so close. He was maddeningly put-together, smelled once again of vanilla and sandalwood. He was the type of person who likely carried a comb around with them—his hair was split perfectly down the middle, a thin, pale thread indicating his parting. When he looked at Harrison, his eyes like burning forget-me-nots, Harrison looked at the portrait he’d half-finished. This is why he didn’t understand what the sound was, a plasticky whirring, until he glanced back in Lonan’s direction. << THE WAY I'M ONLY NOW REALIZING THAT THE WAY LONAN CONVINCES HARRISON TO EAT IS TO PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE WITH HIM THEREFORE SUGGESTING HE'S GOING TO KISS HIM AHHH BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT'S WHAT HARRISON WANTS AHHHH

A plastic knife twirled along the concrete, slowing to a stop at Harrison. He should not have been surprised that this is what that godforsaken handsome devil had done. It was both sweet, and irritating.

When Lonan reached for Harrison’s injured hand that at this point, had healed almost fully due to the medic’s assistance, Harrison didn’t resist. A line of butterflies fluttered through his chest. Lonan’s touch was cold. Disastrously careful. He turned it so his palm was face up and they both saw its wide, neat stitches. The medic had done a good job. In a day or so, Harrison would be back to normal, like nothing ever happened. But still, Lonan held his hand. Then like a prince, he bowed his head and kissed it. <<< OKAY LONAN HAS GAME LONAN HAS GAME

Feeding Habits (2021):

I love this scene because it's just the epitome of... them. Trying to do everything right and still managing to do everything SO wrong, not communicating properly being their love language, etc, etc. Talking about murder right before they kiss, LOL.

Harrison breaks their rule, or maybe they choose to break it together. There they are, draped across a single mattress, one on each side. Harrison considered splitting the bed with pillows, though there are only two and currently two heads that need supporting. He also considered rolling off his side and crashing, literally, on the floor, but maybe it’s the wine, or maybe he’s just tired, or maybe it’s something else entirely, a weak pulse in his throat aching for something familiar, or the veil of something familiar at the very least. He doesn’t know what he expects. If, in some fleeting, idiotic thought, he imagines a reality where they’ll somehow find the other, fuse bodies. That they’ll swap skin, breathe into each other’s mouths. In reality, sleeping next to Lonan after all this time is so much like sleeping alone. << this LINE

“Do you miss him?”

Harrison startles. Though he’s so hyper-aware of the person next to him, the smallest amount of space he attempts to occupy, it’s surprising to hear Lonan speak. Harrison foresaw this trip as being one giant loop of silence. It’s past midnight now—he expected this silence to intensify by this point. In some ways, it does. When Lonan swallows, nervous or maybe in severe need of water, Harrison hears the way his body seizes against the mattress, like he’s stopped breathing in that millisecond.

“Your mother told me Foster boarded with you for a few months.”

“Boarded makes it sound so formal,” Harrison says. It could have been, and in ways, might have been, the distance between two friends enough to make things feel palpably strange. In the mornings, Harrison would find Foster already awake, and they’d greet each other, saying, Hello, Hello, How are you, How are you. It was no one’s fault but Harrison’s—it was much easier to live blandly, in a safe cycle of dullness. One day, Foster was there, making an effort, trying to be a friend, and the next, he’d packed up, probably doubting his ability to be a person for how little Harrison wanted to interact with him. Even now, it’s difficult to feel guilty, even though Harrison should be. He understands he did not deserve the hand he’d been extended, and also understands he had no obligation to take it, no matter how much he should have. It’s selfish, how easily he rejected Foster’s presence, but also human. Or at least this is how he justifies it to himself.

“Do you miss him?”

“Is this question about yourself?” << JSJDJNSKJ Harrison turns to him, his jaw peaked delicately in profile. Lonan doesn’t meet his gaze, but Harrison knows he wants to. The very dome of his eyes glimmer, straining against the need to move. Harrison wets his lips, inhales, and as if tempting the eyes, says, “I didn’t miss you, Lonan,” despite how much of a lie this is. << AT LEAST HE ADMITS HE'S LYING HA

This gets the reaction he wants: Lonan turns also, and there he is, an open face, ready, so easy to ingest. Harrison could do so many things to that face. << OH CHRIST He could pry it right open, unlock the secrets woven across it and take them for himself. He could scream into it as if it’s the gaping hole that once was his ceiling back at the apartment, a space that never ended and also a space he never wanted to leave. Instead, he lifts a hand, and presses it right against it.

Lonan is cyan in the moonlight, but unexpectedly warm. This is another thing that’s wrong. Where did he get it—all this blood needling his body? Since when did he live, this walking dead man?

“You’re dead,” Harrison says, or maybe he whispers this, or maybe he only justifies even uttering this because of the wine. Lonan’s skin twitches, and this is disarming, how it deliberately betrays what Harrison says. It should be easy to control. Things this hidden always are.

“Then who killed me?” Lonan asks. Everything about him hums—his chest, his lips, his throat.

Harrison moves. He shouldn’t. God, that wine. But there he shifts, close enough to hear the weak rattle of Lonan’s heart. He once knew this sound so well, but even now, its rhythm is so unfamiliar. “Could’ve been anyone.”

“But who?”

“Me,” Harrison says. “Or Eliza. Or maybe we did it together. So many possibilities and so many outcomes.” << will graham behaviour

This is true. If he thinks about it, Harrison can nearly visualize the alternate life paths that could’ve been triggered right on the motel wall. What if things had gone differently? Consider the butterfly effect: what would have happened all those months ago, had Harrison returned to Eliza’s apartment, brought Lonan’s gum back with him because he’s a good man, not a leech? What would have happened if Lonan packed whatever of his things he kept in that Vegas apartment, shoved them in a car Harrison didn’t own, and split the drive back to the east fifty-fifty? What would have happened if they’d settled in Brooklyn and not Manhattan, a more familiar city to Harrison, brand new for Lonan? What would have happened if they’d both gotten jobs at the same convenience store, spent most of their time working eight-hour days, but sometimes, and only sometimes, having enough time to lie with each other on a potential futon and watch rented foreign films they had no desire in returning? What would have happened if they’d turned into each other’s bodies, learned the places they could absorb into the other and allowed just that to happen—a blending of cells, one by one. How would they know one another—would they know one another? The minute change the hardwood floors would make depending on who stepped, the exact minute they’d usually wake up? Would it have been easier then, to fully convince themselves their relationship was right? Stable? Ready? What would have happened if they’d landed anywhere but here, at some cheap motel, sweating through their clothes because the heater is turned up so high? Oh, trapped in this initial condition. << this. paragraph.

Maybe they move closer to each other at the same time. Lonan’s wisped hair brushing Harrison’s forehead. Harrison’s hand heavying into Lonan’s living skin. Maybe this is just a single one of their infinite possibilities, where they breathe into each other’s mouths, so close they’ve nearly fused. Maybe this is just one outcome, where Lonan’s inhale rattles, and Harrison’s exhale does the exact same thing. One outcome where Lonan admits, “I’m asking about myself,” and his previous question doesn’t even need to be repeated. One outcome where Harrison nudges his top lip against a mouth he doesn’t know, but in another time could have, recognizing its unfamiliarity immediately as he says, “I didn’t think about you at all.”

I'M SCCCRRREAMING HAHA gotta analyze harrison's "i didn't think about you at all" for the podcast!

[nejackdaw]

morthal and markarth for the skyrim asks!

Ty for the ask! 💞

Morthal - Do you enjoy exploring dungeons and ruins? Why or why not?

Kinda depends tbh. Dungeons with multiple rooms absolutely FULL of enemies encourage a more stealthy approach, and while I'm a capable stealth archer, it's not my preferred play style, so it can be a bit unfun. The alternative, however, is the ENTIRE DUNGEON hearing me engage in melee and swarming me at once, which. Also isn't fun. Ultimately I guess the answer comes down to "depends on the number of guys in there" and "how likely is Marked For Death to solve the entire issue?" Skyrim is basically the only game where, when given a choice, I'll choose martial over caster or archer, but this can be a problem in packed dungeons. I like single or few guy brutal slugfests where we just beat the shit out of each other. Also then I can just take a break to throw up my shield and watch Celann materialize to OHKO them, which fills me with glee literally every time

Markarth - If you could rewrite one questline in Skyrim, which would it be? (This answer is sooooo long btw)

Hmm... I'm actually not too interested in a lot of them, but when it comes to being disappointed in one, it's the Civil War questline. The entire thing amounts to "use your main character powers about 5 times in a dungeon or something and then go fight the oppositional leader." You can't even fix Whiterun, a place you specifically took for its geographical, strategic, and mercantile advantage. You just leave it in ruins???

There are two quests in the entire line that aren't just "awkwardly storm this place with a couple guys,' and one of them is optional. Both sides have a "steal/plant enemy orders" quest, but the "gaining intel/blackmail" quest is in both cases entirely optional. There's one non-combative "sneak and find this document/gather intel" quest, and no "root out a traitor" or "disrupt a supply line" type quests (technically this one is awkwardly tacked onto the end of the optional quest.) The Dark Brotherhood, Dawnguard, and Thieves Guilds have similar respective quests that we can compare to the 1.5 non-combative Civil War quests: finding intel on Maro's son, the radiant "vampire advisor" quests, basically the entire beginning TG questline (Honningbrew, Goldenglow hives.)

Each of these questlines involve non-typical quests, aka quests where you have to approach it a little differently than the rest of your work: the Brotherhood stealing documents and planting false evidence like thieves, the Dawnguard committing assassinations and pickpocketing orders like both the Brotherhood AND the Guild, the Guild quest where you engage not only in open combat with Mercer, but kill him, like both the Dawnguard and, well, the Brotherhood Brynjolf insists you're not.

While those questlines are largely the same sort of quests on repeat, it's because they're, well, specialized guilds. Built entirely around doing those things. That's their entire function. When it comes to a war (which is very NOT a guild,) you'd expect a bit more than just a few skirmishes, especially considering the only thing that changes when you join is, well. There's one more guy in the skirmish. But magically this turns the tide and the entire war is won through brute force when previously there seemed no end in sight. The questline lacks variety, is incredibly, oddly short for what's supposed to be a war, and generally just... lacks impact. Nothing really happens afterwards. Faction camps are still sitting around, and you still can't even clear them. Hold guards are replaced by the faction that won and Whiterun is permanently in shambles. Can't even fix Whiterun ffs there's not even quests for that.

* After leaving this in the drafts for a few weeks and thinking about it some more, I think ultimately the problem IS the brevity. "Do four battles and suddenly we win" is absolutely insane. The Dawnguard DLC and the Thieves Guild, even the one single time I played it, have spoiled me rotten with the never ending radiant quests. It prevents the Companions feeling of "I joined three days ago and now I'm in charge and everyone does what I say" that throws everyone off. Not only can you keep accepting them, the mainline quests don't get in the way of accepting them (... like the Companions only telling you to go talk to Aela.) This means you can keep accepting radiant quests that provide a feeling of integration and contribution (in)to the guild, and also avoids the Companions and Civil War feeling of "I did three quests and it's over and everyone is bowing to me" by allowing you to do guild things in-between the main quests.

Not only that, but they offer a variety the main line might not provide, especially with the Dawnguard. For example, siding with the Volkihar includes a quest where you're given Dawnguard armor and told to go cause a scene, striking down some innocent civilian in the name of "vampire hunting" to sow public distrust. This quest is cool as fuck conceptually btw, why is a Volkihar radiant cooler than the entire CW line???

Ultimately I think if I could change one thing about the Civil War line specifically it would be adding TG/DG style radiant quests that can be done between main missions and also include "milestone" type quests that really bring home the feeling of growth and contribution. I think it would make it feel considerably less jarring and I'd even maybe consider playing it again if we could fix Whiterun.

[i-will-sing-no-requiem]

what's the weirdest thing you did today

honestly I've done basically nothing other than going to classes all day cuz I'm not feeling well. I did just have a conversation with my roommate about different philosophers and if we lived in their times would we be able to come up with what they came up with (we agreed neither of us would have come up with anthing Kant of Neitzche came up with but I do think if I lived in Ancient Greece I would have thought of the Ship of Theseus problem)