#sorry for the rant im just feeling shitty about the whole thing
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#my bday is coming up and theres nothing like being guilt tripped by all your family members#half of my family im NC with and everyone is pressuring me to see them on my bday#“theyre old and not gonna be here forever so you just need to let go and get over it”#they dont actually care about me as a person they just want to feel better about themselves and our fucked up family dynamic#its crazy that i have followers on the other side of the world who know more about me & support me more than my own family#sorry for the rant im just feeling shitty about the whole thing
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Trying? Trying??? By learning. By succeeding!
(about this and my text under the cut)
this is very nice actually thank you so much <3 <3 and like, i probably do need to give myself more credit in general but also i am still very much learning and stumbling and figuring digital art out (and for the most part it is so fun)
I’m gonna ramble about this a bit so bear with me and also i apologize lol, but that art was done after a month of getting increasingly more frustrated with everything turning out so badly and eventually realizing that I was trying to 1. copy a certain look/style that i’ve internalized is what fanart and digital art should look like and is very far away from my style/comfort zone 2. i was trying to do everything digital allows without being comfortable with it or understanding it
so (and this took me a month to realize ? ??) i did what i already knew from doing acrylic and oil painting in the past and could somewhat easily transfer to digital without having to know more than the basics, like i didn’t use a lot of the things digital provides or allows for. i used layers for my own peace of mind but without actually needing them and did some color adjusting (honestly, the color adjusting digital lets you do is such a blessing to me) but the only fancy way i really utilized the medium was making it a gif (which is so fun and a lot easier than i would have thought, like honestly watch me make any future art into gifs too) but there are so many things you can do with the medium with settings/effects, different brushes, tools to use in the process etc that i just do not understand what they are or how to implement them so i am very slowly learning digital art as a whole new medium rather than just being able to use it to adapt what i already know
#sorry you just wanted to say a quick thing and i went on a whole rant (welcome to my blog tbh)#like i'll watch tutorials and they'll be like 'and i just did an overlay and then a multiply layer in a good color (:' and im like ??? wdym#'a good color' what color is a good color? like i can put those effects on my work but that's just me clicking a button without knowing wha#will happen really and like i watch speed paints and see them do stuff and im just ? HUH? what was that and why?#i also do not understand a lot of these concepts with traditional art tbh like people will talk about under paintings and im like yeah sure#i hear you however i also do not- i just place a color where it should be and that's that which i know is why my colors often don't feel#cohesive which is also something i need to learn which is blah- im basically just saying i actually do not know any theory or technique#even with traditional it is all just vibes and hoping for the best which in the long run just makes me very confused about what i am#actually doing and not confident at all i'll be able to do it again so u know#we're out here literally just raw dogging art without any thought#but it's also just i do not need to do all those fancy things but i would like to understand them and i am excited to see my progress now#i just really had a shitty month of making ugly things up until now okay so i was a little fragile when i posted that#but people have been so so nice about it and ive been crying for two days straight#also people have been so lovely about the colors and colors are deadass the hardest part about digital like with paint you often buy a set#that already match and then mix them if needed and they'll look nice together but with digital you're just on your own- no training wheels#ask#anon
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if only you knew, bunny: h.s.
pairing:
dormmate!harry x dormmate!y/n
summary:
"sorry! sorry i thought you were staying out with your mom the rest of the weekend!" harry says, rustling is heard in the background before im gentle moved to over and the door is heard opening. "you can open your eyes bunny."
warnings:
TW⚠️ body shaming
unhealthy relationship with y/n's mom (body shaming, controlling mom, just a shitty mom overall) also really short sorry i just wanted to tease these two
A/N: guys the way this has been in my drafts for about 4 months LMFAO lmk if you would want more dormmate!harry x y/n!
part two
y/n's pov
The smell of peppermint vanilla carries along with the scent of books, soft chatter from the tv carries out in the small dorm, i glance over at the empty bed and a frown tugs at my lips.
"guess im on my own." i huff closing my book and tossing it to the side.
as i pick up my phone a knock makes me still, i glance at the door before walking over to it and slowly opening the door. my eyes catch sight of a lovely shade of green staring back at me.
"um sorry," he clears his throat, "my names Harry, and i think we're flatmates."
my eyes widen at what he says before my eyebrows furrow, "um im y/n, i didnt think i had a dorm mate."
"yeah 'm sorry about that i was in england for the past month, so i couldnt do all the orientation." he shuffles his bags and i snap out of it before throwing the door open.
"apologies, um i didnt think they did unisex dorms here."
"i wasnt expecting this either this is um C36 right?"
"yeah yeah you're right, well welcome to your dorm Harry..." i trail off not knowing his last name hoping he'd fill in the blank.
"styles!" he smirks holding out his hand and I place my hand in his giving it a shake.
"oh my god! harry!" i squeak covering my eyes as i step into our shared dorm, a topless girl perked up on his bed.
"sorry! sorry i thought you were staying out with your mom the rest of the weekend!" harry says, rustling is heard in the background before im gentle moved to over and the door is heard opening. "you can open your eyes bunny."
i peak through my fingers and find our room empty, just the two of us. "i would've left har, you could've asked you know i dont mind." i mumble dropping my bags on my bed.
"nonsense i would rather spend time with you bun, though uh -if you dont mind me asking- why are you back so early?" he asked sitting us on my bed, i sit crisscross in front of him before tears start welding up in my eyes.
"god that woman is so fucking cruel to me har." i gasp out a sob as tears fall freely down my face.
"whoa bunny breathe for me." harry hums pulling me into his arms, broken sobs hiccup through me as i weep like a baby into harry.
"i do everything she wants, im trying to appease her and nothing is ever good enough it's either 'you look too chubby', 'you're face looks dull, use more moisturiser.' 'are you working out?' i'm sick of it!" i hiccup, "as soon as i got there she just starts listening all the things i embarrass her with. 'no daughter of mine should be in college, i got a nice boy down the street who comes with money and would love to be with you if you lost a couple of pounds.' i dont want that har, i've studied my whole life to be here. i want to be a librarian, have my own little bookstore that is where my happiness is and im not going to let her drag me down." i finish my rants tears and snot running down my face and into my hands.
harry stays quite for a little bit, rocking us slowly back and forth, i feel his lips press against my head before he lifts my head to look at him. he wipes away my tears before smiling lightly.
"you're a fighter, bunny. im proud of you, for not letting this woman take control of your life. for being your own goddamn person." he whispered to me before yanking me into a hug and tickling my sides, a laugh erupts from me before i start thrashing in his arms
"harry! stop!" i laugh before he lays on top of my the air literally being knocked out of me, "oof! you fat ass get off of me!"
"gasp! how dare you!" he gives me a cheeky smile before rolling off of me. "want to go get fro yo? on me obviously."
"ugh!" i fake displeasure rolling my eyes, "only because you want some and are paying sure."
harrys pov
i watch as y/n throws a hoodie over her head, i pull my bottom lip between my teeth looking at her legs on display, nice thick thighs and a ass that would make god sin. her face fresh with tears making her glow as bright as a star, a beautiful natural blush on her brown skin, lips plump.
a down right goddess.
"can we stop by a 7/11, momma needs some chips." she smirks pulling me out of thought as i burst into laughter.
"you're a clown!" i snort sliding on some shoes and grabbing my lanyard, i open the door for her and let her slide through, taking time watching her walk from behind before joining her.
" 'm so lonely i might take up that woman's offer with the boy down the street." she breaks the silence shoving her keys in her purse, my heart plummets.
fuck no.
"bunny you can do so much better than a man that will only want you if you lost weight." i sternly say and she snorts.
"well im waiting and theres no one in a 20 mile radius that would want me."
if only you knew bunny.
LOVE YALL REQUEST MORE BULLSHIT!!
-all the love,
em
xo🐝
#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles x plus size reader#harry styles x poc#harry styles x reader#harry styles x you#harry update#harry x reader#harry angst#dormmateharry#harry smut#frat boy harry#harry fluff#harry au#harrys house#harry styles x y/n#harry styles moodboard#harry styles masterlist#poc reader
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I'm cis, and while there's obviously the general compassion, the whole transandrophobia discourse hits me especially hard as someone who's figured out they're aroace during the height of the ace discourse. It... really feels like it's the same thing, the same arguments, just that it hits trans men this time. It genuinely makes me angry that we're still doing this shit.
"You're not REALLY oppressed, and if you say you are, you're basically saying you're the most oppressed of everyone"
"You're not oppressed for being a man/not wanting to fuck, LOL"
"Oh so you hate trans women/allos"
"You either conform perfectly, in which case you're a shitty man/looser virgin who should shut up, or you don't, in which case you're a special snowflake faker, who should shut up"
Im. So so tired. Especially when this is during a time where the trans community as a whole is under attack, and now people are trying to divide the actual community as well? I'm seeing terfs celebrate that trans men are losing their community support and are therefore vulnerable and easier to prey on, too.
Giving all trans dudes a hug, what you're experiencing is real and worth being heard, and you're not alone in this 🫂
Sorry for the rant but this entire thing really hit a nerve
It's always okay to vent here, and if you ever want to talk about your own experiences with ace discourse you can do that too! I agree with all of what you said, it's so, so demoralizing and it makes me happy when I can push back against that. It's so important to stand together but some people would just rather be snarky and imply that anyone who calls for unity simply wants to ignore imagined problems.
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This game, god I love this game
ok so Im copying and pasting the rant for the game from my Insta under the cut + the alt vers, PLEASE Im just expressing my love for the game in it but it's too late for me to rewrite the whole thing
I wish Tumblr would let me post with music like Insta,,, this is a zillion times better with the "Niko and the World Machine" song gah
God this game is a masterpiece though, OK if u wanna read more do it under here:
OKAY here's the rant!!
oh my god i fucking LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH. I SWEAR. I CANNOT FUCKING EXPRESS. MY LOVE. FOR THIS GAME. Almost a year has passed since my first One Shot Post (doesn't apply to Tumblr, last One Shot post here is more recent) and almost a year has passed since my first playthrough
It wasn't really a blind playthrough, iirc i already knew lots of stuff about the story, ending and even the solstice run itself, too, it was already part of my interests to an extent, but I didn't know or remembered the details, and experiencing it myself still felt like a fully blind Playthrough (gotta again thank my shitty memory too), and was it freaking beautiful,,, plus, i finished it around xmas time, which is like my fave period of the year, so!! I still remember i got a photo of the TV while I was playing, there were gorgeous purple lights, both from LEDs and both from the game, since it was becoming dark outside, with little xmas lights around,, gah this game holds such a special place in my heart, I don't think any other game captured my love as much as this one, SURE, Im a big lover of many MANY games, and this one isn't even the first indie rpg i ever got into (hello Undertale and deltarune), and while those are very special to me as they're some of my first interests, OneShot is just a whole another type of special, a special special if you will
And recently I've seen my friend play it blind for the first time, and as I was (Awesomely) backseating, I got to basically relive it, in a way, and I always get a little phase for it after reseeing content of it, so here I am, drawing one of my personal favorite portions of the game! Sorry for the unusual type of rant I did this time, but I just. Argh. This game, dammit
Also fun fact, so many things about this game, from the 2014 version, to songs, to imagery, to scenes, freak me so much out or make me feel so weird I feel like I need to puke
Gotta love it
#art#artists on tumblr#fanart#my art#digital art#niko oneshot#oneshot#oneshot game#niko fanart#one shot#oneshot fanart#the author#the entity oneshot#oneshot art#oneshot niko
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Gaslit about covid? Me too. [RANT]
as you all can tell by my page im so new, but for context, im trying to find COVID-19 safe/conscious groups online. i started with Instagram and ive moved to here.
something thats on my mind recently is how i have been severely gaslit to just think covid isnt a thing we should worry for and that im a conspiracy theorist about covid just because i still use mitigation in my daily life and i give a shit about disabled/immunocompromised/chronically ill people in my community and in my life. i genuinely am so scared for whats happening and what will happen to our collective health.
like i had like a breakdown after all my roommates stopped masking last fall and it lead to me being triggered and disassociating for almost a whole year because i felt unsafe with people i previously felt safe with (feeling/being unsafe in my home is a major trigger for me). i was lost touch with reality, i have never felt so disconnected from my friends, mind, and body. it was so bad. And it took a lot of energy, effort, and practice to communicate my needs and boundaries with them only for them to be like "Cool you sound like you're living in fear and im not changing". in the end i decided to move to a different apartment because i coulndt deal with all of them being like that.
the past 4-5 years have made me feel a lot of things and i wrote a poem about the grief ive felt specifically around the pandemic and how it has drastically altered my late teenage and young adult years. maybe ill put it here one day lmao.
a silver lining in this is that all my way of life as i knew it is gone and dead. and that makes more room for me to find people who care for and value our lives at a basic fundamental level and furthermore are willing to act daily to show our love and care for one another. this new life makes more room for me to really question my consumerism [god forbid we stop eating indoors at restaurants and risk getting a deadly virus for shitty food] . it makes me question how i interact with the world with a COVID-safe/mindful lens. and most importantly put disability justice at the forefront of my activism.
I have grieved how life was and i have come out the other side accepting and wanting to do everything in my power to protect my community in the ongoing pandemic. i understand my responsibility and i have begun to see how disability justice connects all of our collective oppression and how disability justice/rights/activism is a key part to our collective liberation. i have seen how covid conscious or safe people [idk what to label it ive been going back and forth bc i think a lot of people have different definitions of these labels im sorry] are so kind, so caring, so compassionate, so giving, and so loving in a way that i dont see or truly feel in other activists/advocates groups. I personally feel the safest, most loved, and understood by my friends, family, and peers who are covid safe and practice community care.
much love to all of them it has made me love them in beautiful new ways. xx im so grateful to have them in my life. if u made it this far ur real asf. if u want share whatever covid related rants id like to read them or if you have thoughts on what i wrote let me know 🥺.
rn i just feel like im shouting into the tumblr void and its been cathartic.
#still coviding#mask up#covid isn't over#covidsafehotties#covid conscious#rant post#sorry for the rant#venting#disability justice#activism#black women#doll divine#doll design
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my lame fucking autistic rambling
here's my massive stupid autistic rant about life series characters and my head canons for them
literally everything i'm thinking about is going on here im not even processing it im just typing sorry for any typos there will be many😭
this is also for my two (2) mutuals who i care for very deeply kiss kiss hug hug <3 /p /gen
okay it's the morning so i'm gonna continue this thumbs up emoji
starting off strong with mr grian minecraft himself (oh wow what a surprise /s)
he tried piercing his own nose in highschool. like. he was THE teenage dirtbag. sneaking out, drinking, smoking, shitty garage band that got nowhere (yes the bad boys was a garage band you c ant change my mind), mcr, pierce the veil, paramore, sexuality and gender crisis, "i know a guy", shoplifting, skipping class, you name it be probably did it with jimmy and joel during freshmen-sophomore year
pearl is his sister, jimmy and lizzie are his cousins (older cousins i should specify. him and pearl are twins but she's the older twin) and they went to the same high school. he met joel through lizzie and jimmy and joel and grian all clicked instantly
joel would stay at jimmy and grians place so much to the point it was like a second home to him and they would all hang out in the basement. joel stayed with his grandparents and helped them out a lot but they passed while he was in his bad boys phase and so he just stayed at grians place a whole lot during his depression (don't worry he's fine now just a little fucked up but they all are)
grian and pearls parents were kinda really shitty (yes i'm also counting yhs lore fuck uou) his whole life and so they got taken by cps and they lived with jimmy and lizzie's parents. and they were much better until he went to japan and all that shit happened (iykyk)
sam made him really realize that like. "oh my fucking god i'm gay. and it's for a damn sociopath. fuck." (that's like half canon)
he and taurtis DID hook up every tuesday thumbs up emoji
his wings didn't start growing in until AFTER senior year (so post japan/yhs incident)
the yhs holds a ceremony thingy for all the people that passed during all that shit and he goes every year and still has rowens glasses and ran into taurtis one year and it was awkward as HELLL but like. it wasn't an awful experience neither of them knew what to say. especially taurtks is bc by then grians wings had already fully grown in and his ass DID NOT recognize him💀
oh yeah also the four of the cousins are all winged animals so grians a parrot, pearl is a moth but like she's one of the super fluffy one (i forgot what they're called), jimmy is a canary (for obvious reasons), and lizzie is a flamingo because. fuck it (also half canary too it's from their mom) but she doesn't have as many features as the others
they all grow feathers (except for pearl) when they're stressed or feel a heightened emotion and have the little winged ears. they still do have actual ears but they grew in behind they're human ears and pearl has the little antennae things on top of her head. lizzie's kind of blends into her hair since yk. pink on pink and they're more folded then fanned out(?) if that makes sense?😭
jimmy was an early bloomer while grian was a late bloomer (i'm talking about wing/feather wise)
also some little sexuality/gender headcanons those are always fun :3
grians definitely trans masc and mlm (he/him anything else gives him dysphoria)
jimmy is THE bisexual demiboy icon (he/they)
lizzie is also bisexual (she/they)
pearl is a NONBINARY LESBIANNNN SHOUT OHT YO ALL MY NONBINARY LESBIANS WOOOO (she also uses any pronouns that would be considered feminine/androgynous or basically just. anything other then he/him/anything masculine)
mumbo is ace and omni (they/he)
scar is pan and a demiboy (all pronouns. like seriously he's collecting them like pokémon cards)
tango is bi and TRANSMASC WOOOO SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY TRANSMASC PEOPLE OUT THERE (he/they/flame)
martyn is transmasc and unlabeled. he doesn't want one/or thinks any is fit for him but is on the aspec (he/him)
scott is just. gay. goddamn fa- (he/him)
also just thought abt something grian jimmy and joel all had matching (infected and now faded) stick and poke tattoos that read "bad boys, today, tomorrow and yesterday" but that last part is faded completely since they ran out of pen ink halfway through and jimmys mom came home and they didn't wanna get in trouble (also yes their tattoos are in the same spot as each others it's on the right side of their chest) and let me TELL YOU. lizzie makes fun of joel TO THIS DAY about that tattoo and she likes to trace the words with her finger sometimes when they're cuddling, humming their old songs (he hates it but she still thinks it's absolutely adorable)
grian and mumbo are middle school best friends and he knows everything that happened to grian when he was in japan
grian, scar and mumbo all went to the same high school and mumbo and scar tried making a baking club called (you're never gonna believe this) the buttercups but grian was supposedly "too cool for that fairy shit" but would hang out during lunch with them and go to the meetings and help buy the ingredients and also help bake with them for extra credit and so would jimmy and joel. for extra credit of course
tango, mumbo and impulse were all in the computer club and coding club in highschool. doc was their teacher and cub was the senior teachers assistant trying to get early college credit
jimmy had the FATTEST crush on tango while they were in high school (yes they all went to the same highschool shut up) and tried impressing him by "making" a robot (mumbo made it and gave him the remote and told him to push two single buttons) and he pushed them in the wrong order and it short circuited and it almost exploded. he got suspended for a month and the only reason he didn't get expelled was because tango said it was his and it was a project. he complemented "jimmys" robot and said it had nice coding and a bunch of other nerd /aff terms that didn't make ANY sense to jimmy (that was his way of confessing but jimmys too stupid /aff to understand it at the moment so tango thought he didn't like him back) and when jimmy was talking to grian and joel about it they were yelling at him about how "JIMMY YOU IDIOT HE LIKES YOU BACK" and "WHAT'D YOU SAY? YOU SAID YOU LIKED HIM TOO RIGHT?" to which he (of course) responded with
"NO?? I DONT SPEAK NERD JOEL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW??"
also tango wears a feather jimmy gave to him as an earring and has kept that earring since they started going out which was like sophomore year or smth like that
they also had an exact conversation to joel before lizzie asked him out (and she also proposed too fight me)
i can go on for HOURS about those three but i'm gonna a do stuff about martyn now because. omg. he drives me CRAZY
also just realizing how most of these are just high school head canons. sorry (no i'm not)
everyone in school always thought that the bad boys were the mean bullies bc they wore leather jackets and studs and cuffs and blah blah blah but in reality they were just the dorky, socially anxious losers that were loud in class because they all adhd. not because they were asshole
martyn and scott were the ones you had to worry about (mostly scott actually but martyn would be a passive aggressive bully)
those little twits had an actual burn book. martyn. the almost loser that pierced his own ears, causing them to get infected but refused to take them out because he wanted to match with his fellow mean gill and wore anime shirts to sleep and doc martins (only because they had his name in it dont praise him he was a loser /aff) wrote "annoying dorks" in the burn book page dedicated to the bad boys. he had NO ROOM to talk and i find that hilarious bc him and jimmy were actually really close and he ate the page. yes. he ate the page in front of scott's face after an argument to prove a point and scott has never respected another person more in his life
i also felt like it was important that martyn and scott got voted prom king and queen
martyn LOVES necklaces, rings, bracelets. he has a matching necklace and/or bracelet with all his four (4) friends that consisted of scott and the bad boys. he still has them as an adult and holds onto the charm when he misses them which is all the time (i love martyn angst evil laugh)
ykw fuck it he still wears the necklaces and tucks them under his shirt, he asked everyone else if they still had theirs and it either broke or they lost it
EVERYOEN EXCEPT FOR JIMMY BC THEY WERE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS AND HE WEARS IT UNDER HIS SHIRT TOO FUCK YOU I LOVE THEM
and for anyone curious it was a dog bone that is split in half and it like one of those magnetic necklaces that you have to get uncomfortably close to eachother for it to work
okay that's enough for tonight bc i have things i need to do tomorrow and thumbs hurt and it threw in the morning and i've been typing for over an hour straight good night cleveland *proceeds to stay online for another hour*
#FUCK K FROGLT I HAVE TO TAG THIS GODDAMNIT#traffic series#trafficblr#trafficshipping#grian#jimmy solidarity#joel smallishbeans#tangotek#ldshadowlady#yhs??#i guess#headcanon#life series headcanon#what else is there#uhhhh#oh right#martyn inthelittlewood#scott smajor#whatever i'm gonna update this tmrw anyways
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hi everyone so this user hates my guts with her whole heart BUT the ask was mentioning me (see my pinned post) so i needed to.
THAT POST IS CAMP.
let me explain.
camp : A sensibility that revels in artifice, stylization, theatricalization, irony, playfulness, and exaggeration rather than content.
when i post stuff like that (i do admire pelle a lot irl, but im talking about those posts specifically), im NOT BEING SERIOUS. im playing a role which adds to an aestheticism, an image, in my head. he was a wonderful artist and i find a lot of comfort within him because i struggle with a lot of similar things, but in all actuality, i dont think im his anything (i actually know for a fact he'd either hate me or just not care).
@pe11e0hlins-realwife sort of scared to tag you because i know you dont like me in the slightest, but i thought i should because i do like you actually. i really want you to be happy. sure, i think what you do is fucking extreme, but that doesn't subtract from the fact that you're a human who deserves love and happiness. i sincerely hope you get better and maybe we can be civil and bond over struggles.
anyways, here's the rant, a.k.a me being petty as fuck (seperate section for actual rational stuff and now here's the section for me being my age)
the joke of the millenia is calling me a coquette blog. BABYGIRL if you think IM coquette then im sorry you need a grasp on coquettes first to throw around that term. SECOND yes im grammar and spelling police i have admitted that multiple times and its something I just can't help: pet peeves, ever heard of them?
also, suicide and self harm and depression are VERY serious topics. i am a self harmer and i am depressed—that is something i find similar in me and pelle which is why i find him and his art comforting. because it reminds me that im not alone. ffs.
AND ALSO i... dont even post about lana del rey a lot...? i used to, but i dont anymore. people change. ever heard that?
BUT HONESTLY OMG the way you said to uhm... i dont know her name but the girl i tagged up above, that she's starting to think she's me (no offense to you honey the asker is simply shitty that we should castrate or smth) MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A CELEBRITY OMG TYSM BABE
anywaysss im done with this shit < 3
EVERYONE take care of yourself. I LOVE YOU and even if you hate me, i most likely do not hate you back. and i hope everyone now understands what personas, pet peeves and camp is. you learn smth new everydayyyy
mwah.
#rant#rant post#pelle mayhem#pelle#hell is a teenage girl#part ????? of people not understanding what i mean and that i am actually quite self aware
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i don't mean to stir up more controversy so feel free to not post this ask, but like. yeah. i don't get it. is harry potter a shitty franchise filled to the brim with subtle bigotry and glorification of various nasty outlooks on humanity? kinda, in my opinion, yeah. is it written by, and profited off of by someone actively using their platform to cause harm to human rights? yeah. would i ever want to engage with the content or fandom? no not really. but does this mean that anyone who even breathes in the direction of Harry Potter content is condoning all this bullshit, or kissing the author's shoes and ideologies, and giving them money to harm the people they want to harm? uh.......... no, not really. what the fuck
like............ yeah. like you said it's a huge franchise. literally a silly little Tumblr poll that will realistically get under 10,000 votes, let alone notes or discussions, is not at all going to compare to the reach she already has. and it feels weird to twist the blame that way— this author is using their writing and manipulation skill to earn lots of money and do awful things with it... and suddenly it's the individual fans' fault that she has that money and reach? and not just the fans, but even people that don't actively go out of their way to excommunicate fans of the media?
sorry to rant in your inbox i just. im pretty sick of all this "inaction against a major celebrity is the same as condoning their abuse of power and influence" stuff that people throw around instead of criticizing why our social power structure is based on popularity and engagement in the first place (which is bound to put the most cultish, manipulative, influential, and charismatic people in power). idk it just feels really skeevy to blame people who enjoy or passively tolerate something that's expertly designed specifically to be appealing by a master manipulator.
you don't have to post this (though i also don't mind if you do) i just wanted to like. bring some of my takes into your inbox cause these anons sounding like they're accusing you of queer blasphemy or some shit over literally just.... letting someone hate their anti-blorbo/love their blorbo that they think everyone else hates.... are just really putting me off. like do they get that this is the "oil companies tell poor people global warming is their fault" argument all over again?
This has been sitting in my askbox for a long time because I wasn’t sure how to address it or whether to even address it or just delete it, as it feels like a topic that’s bigger than I am and I can’t ever properly address all of it. But all I’ll say is, while I agree that not all discussion of Harry Potter or other shitty medias is promotion and we as individuals shouldn’t be held accountable for the actions of a transphobic billionaire, it is still important to approach the subject with nuance and make sure the ways in which we talk about it do not spread harm. I think that’s why so many polls decide to ban it and other medias from their polls, because most of them are designed to find the “best” of something and to insinuate that something from one of those medias can be the best could be harmful. That’s why I’m not gonna post any asks that defend the series as a whole or the franchise as a property, because it’s not right to even humor those who want to downplay transphobia and antisemitism (among others). Aaaanyways all this to say if people discourse about Harry Potter characters in the notes or askbox go for it just remember the real people impacted by the bigotries present in it when considering the way you want to make your discussions
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Before the MET gala, TR was papped going to the hotel where all the celebs stay and she was holding a hat
Its the same hat Harry is wearing in that new picture
So confused as to why theyve chosen HATS as the stunt accessory. Its easier in one sense that its chill,its not PDA but on the other hand it makes Hettries go absolutely crazy because iTs SO CuTE (they just ignore the umbro shirt)
To me, because its such a chill stunt, its harder to see its a stunt if that makes sense (i suppose thats their whole goal).
Anyway im really really manifesting a BUA soon but also kinda thinking maybe itll last out til before HS4 and then H will say something like all the songs were written before tour finished like he did with Harry’s House so people cant connect any of the songs to her (even though Hettries still will)
Sorry I’m in a ranting mood. I tried reallly hard not to have any hard feelings towards a stunt BUT as soon as they start visibly rising in the celeb rankings (ie an invite to a prestigious event) because of their connection to Harry it gets hard.
I mean anyone who willingly closets someone but also gains opportunities ect from it is a pretty shitty person.
Anyway keep calm and larry on xoxo
That hat keeps them tied together as a “loved up couple” no matter how little photos we get of them, and saves face for harry not being with her at the met. It’s just… im glad they’ve settled on a hat and they’re not joined at the hip, but it’s still so exhausting and obvious.
And yeah, the hettries will 150% tie any of Harry’s song to whatever woman is the flavour of the week for them. I’m sure HS4 will have a song about OW, TR, TS, anyyyyyy girl he’s ever been with. Because that’s all he can write about. Because his whole dating life is super transparent and public, obviously.
I agree with you, the whole thing about it being a “chill” stunt, because it’s seen as a more mature and lowkey relationship, which correlates with harry talking about his privacy when it comes to this stuff. It’s the same reason they haven’t explicitly said “yes we are dating”, ya know? They’re trying to line it up with his brand a little differently this time around. Personally, I think they’re doing a better job this time round. It’s smarter with TR. But still very transparent, as all stunts are.
And dont worry babe, it’s just a matter of time till the BUA. it’s coming.
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sorry gotta send another fandom take
after reading a post on someone’s blog, i truly realized how insane tophabe is. first of all, everyone used to hate abe’s guts in 2020 for the whole cleo and joan thing back in season 1, which was justified. now the 2023 fandom has snapped around and loves abe, which i can see since season 2 is less focused on abe’s selfishness and denseness and instead decides to torture him so the viewers feel bad. this really makes me wonder how many people hated abe during season 1 and now love him in season 2. personally i didnt really hate season 1 abe (i still think the joan and cleo thing was shitty) but i do like abe more after season 2. i think its mostly because of the abe torture and partly because since all the hate is off abe, its finally cool to make and say positive stuff about him
moving onto topher, im not surprised hes popular. even i like him quite a bit (not as much as a lot of other characters though). chronically online short white boy who claims to be straight, his only friend is a boy who he manipulates and blackmails while claiming he has a crush on a girl, said crush having no evidence to prove it unless you squint, and canonically goes to therapy. yeah hes basically van gogh 2.0 where everyone projects onto him and gives him angst that just barely feels in line with the show. i dont hate topher but god damn the fandom really loves him. i made a whole post saying why i think hes so popular but long story short it was most likely because he had gained a fanbase while the show was dropping episodes weekly, and by the time episode 8 came along mostly everyone was too far deep to drop out of liking topher. part of me feels like this may have also happened to abe in season 1 if everyone didnt binge it instead of watching it weekly lmao
and then there’s tophabe itself. tons of fanart and fanfiction, definitely the most popular ship in the fandom atm, even more so than the canon lesbian couple from what ive seen. ive read a bit of tophabe fanfiction since its basically all thats on ao3 at this time, and i find it so interesting that a lot of it have the events of chapter 8 happen. those events have been the most despicable things topher has done, possibly the worst of anyone in the whole show. and many people tend to brush it off, use it as a way to show topher’s supposed crush on abe. what topher did is messed up, and people barely even acknowledge it. whats unfortunate is i can see why, even i dont normally think about how awful topher actually is whenever i think about him. the show itself basically brushed it off in episode 10, something i feel like they definitely shouldnt have done. the oversaturation of tophabe in the fandom also definitely helped wave off topher’s actions
sorry this kinda turned into a rant about topher, so i wont go any further with that. but i find it extremely interesting to see how the fandom has changed from 2020. gone from hating abe for being an indecisive teenager to using topher’s blackmailing attempt as a plot device in their tophabe fanfiction. absolutely astonishing.
okay what in the fucking bible did you just shit into my inbox
#clone high#clone high takes#ch topher#clone high topher#ch abe#clone high abe#tophabe#ship hate#i think#idfk#or care#bro wrote a biography l#i dont know how to REAAAD bro
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the way people talk about addicts when they are bad people who do bad things is really informed by the way they feel about addicts as a whole and it comes up every time someone in the public eye is struggling with addiction there is a lack of nuance or empathy at all
ranting about the liam thing sorry
like liam payne was an exceedingly shitty dude for a long time largely unbeknownst to the public for a great period of that. And Also he was a child on television at age fourteen, in one of the world's largest boy bands of all time for five years, and then was openly struggling with addiction for about ten years before he died. other people in his life and other people in the band were openly worried about him for years and he never got help and now he never will And Also he will never have to take real accountability for shit that was JUST coming out about him. like in the last seven days.
i feel like any conversation about any emotion other than like. immediate happiness about him dying is met with judgement because he was a bad person and therefore deserved to die extremely publicly while extremely high
like idk. he still would have done shitty things maybe if he wasnt an addict and im not saying that like. it made him do shitty things but i'm saying that the world was introduced to a talented fourteen year old and by the time he was like twenty one he was visibly struggling and he never got help for ten years and he hurt people who will never get justice because he died before they could
and of course people who watched him struggle and fall so deep into addiction and violence for half their lives when they were introduced to him in like the first wave of parasocial media when he was a teenager have complex feelings about that relationship holy shit. of course they do
people like flat out do not want other people to get help and it's exceedingly obvious when someone does shitty things as an addict and therefore deserve punishment by death.
like i really wish he was alive right now to get sued and get serious help and like. now maya is not only going to get serious backlash for something that isn't her fault, but also she is never going to get like. justice. she'll never get an apology from him or a payout or be taken seriously. neither will anyone else. like this is the worse case scenario and people have complex feelings when shit like this happens like.
i found out he died like ten minutes after it happened and there were already people who were like. well you cannot be sad because you are talking over victims. i am sad FOR the victims. i am sad for the lack of help that was offered to this man and the fact that the reason he died is also the reason he continued to spiral out of control and hurt other people and i'm sad that the lack of help prevented him from being held accountable and im sad that people who are struggling with addiction in general have to deal with the stereotypes of this kind of violence and death every day and i am sad that someone can be struggling for a decade and never get help and im sad that a child star again was put in the position he was and never got help with that either and im sad that the aftermath of this is going to come down hardest on maya and on other people struggling and not on like. the system that allowed this to happen
and whatever
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EX | HJ
PREVIOUS ꕀ❀ꕀ SERIES MASTER LIST ꕀ❀ꕀ NEXT
Chapter 5: 9 Leebits in a trench coat.
Pairing: Han Jisung x AFAB. Reader
Word Count: 2108
General Synopsis: Your ex? Shitty. Your family? Worse. Your best friend? Left for a tour in the middle of one of the worst times of your life. How are you meant to deal with planning what should have been your wedding, dealing with your family, and pretending like you're not falling apart all on your own?
General Warnings: Idol!Jisung, mentions of other Idols (P1Harmony/Seventeen), all views on these idols are purely fictional. Idol AU. Mentions of cheating, mentions of smoking and drug use (weed and cigarettes), Mentions of drinking, angst, self esteem issues, depression. Y/N is older than Jisung. (I'm sorry for the jokes that come out of this) (any tags I missed please feel free to let me know! More tags to be added as the story goes on.) A/N: Smaller chapter, it will pick up soon I've had terrible writers block but im FINALLY back with an update for this <3 pls enjoy and let me know your current thoughts on Leah <3
“So he finally talked to you about it?” Keeho laughs as he stares into the camera, “Jheez I honestly thought he was gonna continue torturing himself over it,”
“Yeah I mean, he was really upset over it dude. I don’t know why he’d feel so upset over it, it wasn’t even his fault,” you sigh. It had been a few days since Jisung had spoken to you about why he had been so distant, but though you had originally thought you’d feel better by him talking to you; you’d managed to make yourself feel worse. You felt bad that he had felt shitty about the situation, it wasn’t his fault any of it happened yet he still felt bad. How were you expected not to feel bad about it? You made your friends worry, and worse he had felt so bad that he hid himself away for a few weeks.
“Probably because he cares a lot about you, I’d have felt the same if I were in his shoes, plus there's the whole rant he went on with me about it.”
“Wait what?”
“Yeah he was going on about I left you to him, and he feels bad he’s not doing enough, he just wants to make you happy and all that shit,” Keeho looks at you confused as he tilts his head to allow the stylist to adjust a few things on him. “I’m glad he talked to you though, honestly he needs to learn to be more open with his feelings, can’t let a pretty girl get him all flustered like that.” Keeho scoffs, “I mean how does the man survive on tour?” you laugh loudly at the remark.
“Please Kee, flustered?” you giggle, “Stressed is the better word!”
“No, flustered is the correct one you dimwit. Or did he not tell you about how he-”
“Kee it’s time to go.” Taeyang appears on the screen waving to you, before turning back to Keeho. He simply nods and turns back to you,
“We’ll continue this later,” he smiles,
“Have fun out there!” you smile,
“Have a fun morning Y/N, I’ll call you when I can!” and with that he was gone, and you were back to working on your track. You had only woken up this early to get a chance to talk to him, and the conversation was nice. You missed your best friends and talking to them was nice. Though most of the time it would be a quick conversation, and interrupted ninety eight percent of the time it was still nice to see them.
Your morning mainly consisted of finishing up a song you had been working on for months, and finalizing the vocals for the song you had worked on with Changbin. In all it was a busy morning until noon when you’d have to begin getting ready for a meeting with Leah. After a few arguments with your family you had given in to meeting with her to discuss the dress you'd wear as her maid of honor because for some unknown reason she had decided you’d be staying in that role. You didn’t have to plan anything, the planner had that all down, but still it felt more and more as a chore rather than a joyous event.
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“Y/N. You cannot just leave your sister like this, are you stupid?”
“Mom, I'm not leaving her? She picked a fight with me in front of my-”
“Your little friends crushed her that day Y/N how could you let that happen? You are her older sister, you are supposed to be there for her!” Your mother scolded you, of course you knew you had to be there for her but no one ever seemed to listen to the concerns you had. No one ever saw the fault Leah had, and always pinned the blame on you because you’re the older one, you’re supposed to be more responsible, and Leah was their perfect little angel who could do absolutely no wrong.
“Mom-”
“Y/N you fix this shit with your sister, I’m not going to let you ruin her big day like this. So get your shit together or else” you could picture the face she was making, a mixture of disappointment and anger. That look in her eyes that would tell you that everything was your fault.
ꕀ❀ꕀ
As you sat in the coffee shop awaiting Leah’s arrival, you spent time texting Changbin who’d been asking about how the song was coming along. You laughed as he joked about how if you kept tweaking the song it would become an entirely new one,
Gym Bro [12:04 pm] Hear me out tho
You [12:04 pm] Listening
Gym Bro [12:05 pm] What if you just post the song?
You [12:06pm] Are you crazy? It’s not finished?
Gym Bro [12:06 pm] It’s a good song as is, in your ears it’s never going to be perfect. This is why we have people to review things. If you’re really unsure, let me, Ji, and Chan listen to the full thing and give you some advice on what could be improved. Like I said, if you keep doing it yourself you’ll never think it’s good enough.
You [12:08 pm] Damn you got deep there ;)
Gym Bro [12:08 pm] Oh my god, why are you like this?
You [12:08 pm] I’m joking! But yeah maybe I’ll let you guys just listen to it, but maybe not Chan.
Gym Bro [12:09 pm] THE FUCK YOU MEAN NOT CHAN? He’s probably the best one to listen to the track?
You [12:11 pm] You know exactly why.
You sigh as you look at the time, Leah is well over fifteen minutes late for the ‘scheduled’ meeting the two of you made. As much as it did help not seeing her for now, you’d rather just get it fully over with as quick as possible. Your phone buzzed once more, as the sound of the bell jingling rang throughout the cafe. Leah had finally arrived.
“Sister!” she exclaimed as she rushed towards your table, “How have you been my sweet?” your body cringed at the nickname. How could she act so sweet to you after everything? Brushing it off you force a smile to her as she pulls you into a hug.
“Alright, just working and you?” you give her an award winning smile, that would truly convince anyone in the cafe that the two of you were truly happy to see each other.
“Stressed, but you know how it is; planning a wedding and such.” Leah smirks at you, “Or I mean, you have heard of the stress.”
“I’m sure your planner has got it under control.” You sigh as you sit back down in your chair, swirling the spoon in your coffee as a way to distract yourself from the impending sense of doom building up in your stomach. You watch as the black coffee swirls around in the cup as the silence between Leah and yourself becomes thicker, the honey in which you had put in your coffee had fully melted and dissolved long before her arrival and yet you stirred as if it had been freshly placed. A part of you wished you could slip a shot of something into it, because dealing with Leah required a level of intoxication that would help on drowning out her annoying whines and complaints. Bailey’s would be nice, no. Something stronger, whiskey. That would help. You thought to yourself,
“Anyways listen, what I was thinking for the bridesmaids would be something light pink, and for you I’d have you in something darker to stand out more from them. Unless, you want to blend in with them.” Leah began, “You do have a terrible habit of being unnoticeable so, I think something more bold would be best.” you couldn’t tell what kind of statement that was. Rude at best. “Nothing too bold though, I can’t have you taking any sort of attention away from me.”
“I thought I was unnoticeable,” you scoff as you bring your coffee to your lips, the now cold liquid sliding down with ease as you take a sip. Leah shakes her head, before bringing her binder out of her bag.
“Anyways, I don’t have time to explain every little thing to you; also you never actually answered the Save The Date, so I just marked you down that you’re coming alone seeing as you definitely don’t have the time to find a date, seeing as you’re much too invested in your…song, or apparently still being in love with my fiance to start looking for someone new.” Something about her assumption threw you off, you choked on your coffee as you looked up at her smiling down at you as if she had something against you, “Honestly it really is awkward that you’re still into him. You need to get over it please y/n.” the statement almost had you spitting your coffee back out at her, her look feigning innocence began to cause your blood to boil. Your cheeks heating up as you set your mug back down.
“I have a date.” you mutter, as she gives you wide eyes. “I’m over him Leah, no need to worry.”
“Fantastic! And who is this date of yours, I can mark him down now so that I can give the list to my planner.” Leah tilts her head, awaiting an answer. Truthfully you hadn’t thought of who you’d bring as a date, but her statements today lead you to say something you hadn’t fully thought through.
“My RSVP is in the mail, I’m sure you’ll enjoy the surprise.” it was not.
“Splendid, I’m excited to see who this mystery man is!” Leah laughs, standing from her seat. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment to alter my dress today.”
“You chose your dress already?”
“Yes, and sorry love. But no matter what you say that dress looked too good on me to pass up. So, yeah.” with that Leah throws her purse and tote over her shoulder and begins to leave. “I’ll send you the name of the shop to find your dress! Love ya!” and then she was gone.
ꕀ❀ꕀ
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” You yell into the pillow as Mini sits at the edge of the bed. Of course you just had to go and let Leah get under your skin and say something stupid. “What do I do? I don’t have a date? And Now she’s expecting me to RSVP within this week because my dumbass said it was already in the mail!”
“Calm down and breathe dude,” Mini sighs, “Finding a date won’t be all that hard,”
“Easy for you to say, all you have to do is look at Hyune and he’s following you to the ends of the earth. I on the other hand do not have anyone that would do so. Nor anyone readily available to play boyfriend so that I don’t have to deal with Leah’s stupid fucking behaviour.” You complain,
“You act like we don’t have eight men ready to help you out at any moment.” Mini laughs, “I’m sure any of them would be glad to ‘play’ boyfriend for a night!”
“Min your math isn’t mathing.”
“What do you mean by that?” she gives you a confused look,
“Hyune is taken so that's minus one, so are Bin, Chan, Lix and Minho. So that’s three left. AND I’m not really willing to put Minnie and Innie through that pain and Ji’s already felt like shit because of Leah so he’s out of the question too-”
“Well I guess your only option is to bring nine leebits stacked in a trenchcoat, at least then they’d be taller than you.” Mini laughs, as she throws the plush toy at you,
“That is so oddly specific… how do you know nine is-”
“Listen there are a lot of things you do not want to know, and my skzoo abuse is part of that, anyways there's absolutely no harm in asking them is all I’m saying, and we both know ALL of them would help, it’s just how they are.” you contemplated the idea, sure bringing one of them to the wedding isn’t a terrible idea in itself, but the idea of having any of those boys endure Leah was enough to make your entire body cringe. If Taeyang or Stephen had been around for sure, you’d drag them to it. They already knew how she was; and more specifically how to cope with her constant need for attention.
Tag List
@alyszaen @channiesbub @dugarzaddy @fairywriter-oracle @skzloveforever @neohyxn @chaotickyrith @lemonadencran @raven-skz95 @chanlixiiee @awkwardnesshabitat @drhsthl @katsukis1wife @mysticalexpertwinneralien @hanniejisimp @jaebaebaegot7
#han jisung x female reader#han jisung fluff#skz han#stray kids han#han jisung#han jisung x you#han jisung x reader#han jisung x y/n#stray kids#skz fluff#stray kids fluff#stray kids x reader#stray kids fan fic#stray kids fic#han jisung fic#stray kids jisung
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more complaining
its really starting to sink in just how shitty of a friend my roommate has been to me since his break up. he’s letting poor mental health be an excuse for all of his shortcomings and doesn’t care at all about how much harder my life is because of it. he doesn’t give a shit that im the one who cleans everything or that im constantly picking up after him. he literally only cares about himself. only cares about something im doing if it pertains to him. just the other day i went out with him and our other friend so he could take pictures for a zine he’s in and when i brought up the possibility of us stopping by trader joes on the way home he just said “i dont want to do that” and nothing else. like. literally all you would have to do is drive there and wait in the parking lot. we’re already going out together and trader joes is on the way home. but you can’t even do something that small for me. because you get nothing out of it. he is so fucking selfish and i am done making excuses for his laziness. if he doesn’t wake up and smell the fucking roses im done. i cant keep someone in my life who will never have my best interest at heart. i can keep supporting someone who refuses to support himself. he is honestly baggage for me at this point and it makes me really sad because we used to be such good friends. i still want to call him a good friend. but he just isnt. he cant be serious or responsible and if someone asks him to he demonizes them. actually he demonizes anyone who doesnt give him what he wants but in a way that he clearly knows its unjustified so he just says he doesnt feel that way but his actions speak for themselves. even his words cant hide his true feelings most of the time. “its not like im mad at them its just…. yeah idk” is something he said about someone he was seeing that decided they just wanted to stay friends. um that sounds like youre mad to me buddy! anyways sorry im just ranting atp. im just going back and thinking about all of the little things erik has done that made him hard to live with and im realizing just how much dead weight he’s been in my life. like im literally supporting us both in a lot of ways. i buy all of the kitchen cleaning supplies. i pay the bills on time and dont constantly bother him when he owes me money. i actually fucking clean the place unlike him. i even fucking. so i bought paper towels a couple months ago when it was my turn and i bought a 24 pack. as you do. we run out and its eriks turn and he buys…. a two pack. so im like well fuck that im not providing for our household so i buy a two pack when its my turn. motherfucker then buys a SINGLE ROLL of paper towels when its his turn. claims its because he was low on money. oh but you can afford this whole fucking apartment to yourself? get a fucking grip man
im so upset with him. my therapy appointment could not come sooner. i know i am actually sick rn but the stress of all of this is definitely making it worse. i want to scream in his face to get real and stop wallowing in misery. stop feeling sorry for yourself and start making improvements in your life because nobody is going to do that shit for you.
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okay but the writing for the game in general has been so shitty lately, like? during this artem's bday event, when they go to the cat cafe (!!), something he asked for (!!!), and even got nervous about since the cats could dislike him (!!!!), MC throws a whole tantrum over a cat cuddling with artem, to the point he's like "okay, we'll never visit this place again!" like it's so normal and romantic 😍 to be so jealous over A CAT being affectionate you literally ruin the plans you boyfriend was excited about? and MC doesn't even question his decision to never do the harmless thing he wished he could enjoy again just because it made her irrationally upset? god, this made ME irrationally upset because it could've been such a wholesome moment for them both but instead we got... whatever the fuck was that. jail to whoever's been writing the artem route.
ANON HELPPPPPPP the way i was just about to bitch about this?! i'm glad im NOT ALONE!!! 💀💀
i literally just got to this part last night and could not believe what i was reading, like?? WHAT? okay is this a good time to go off on my annual rant about how much i hate jealousy and possessiveness being played as something cute and romantic in media, bc i really hate how much jealousy and possessiveness get played as being cute and romantic in media.
it might be because i'm aspec and i have less of a tolerance for this sort of thing, but even i know several Very allo people who hate it too. so like? back to being confused. i hate it so much. jealousy isn't cute. it's a human emotion, sure, and there's nothing wrong with feeling it, but letting it affect your relationships is not cute. i'm sorry. i don't find it charming. this is why i find atmospherics to be a very notable Flaw Card. artem's behavior wasn't cute OR sexy!!! sorry!! he was being a dick and deserved to get yelled at!
i find possessiveness to be infinitely worse. anyone in a romantic relationship with someone possessive needs to get the fuck out. i'm very much of the opinion that a relationship being romantic doesn't make it superior to platonic or familial ones, so possessiveness being played as cute and romantic drives me up the WALL!!
and this is about other human beings - let alone a CAT? A CAT AT A CAT CAFE??? WHAT? this is something that has always bothered me about tears of themis and otomes in general, but like. yeah. it's been getting worse. i try to ignore it as hard as i can but man. i do not get it. artem deserved to enjoy his cat cafe : ( and miss rosa deserved better writing!
#tears of themis#asks#replies#anon#you can tell they thought it was the cutest and most romantic thing ever but i was just kinda baffled HAHAHA LIKE?? GIRL?#with this and 2nd anni does this make both artem and rosa possessive nutjobs#if so something something you deserve each other just don't get others involved with whatever the hell this is
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hi i hope its okay to rant in your inbox for a bit. im having Issues with being bigender because im Scared because like ive fought like most of my life for the right to be perceived as a man, a guy even, so it feels like im just giving up on all that effort by accepting that i might Still be a bit of a girl ? like im really anxious about the whole thing and im worried that im betraying other trans men by doing this. i still flinch away from being called a woman or a girl or anything like that because im used to it being uaed as an insult to me but the thing is , i dont think i Can discard that part of me.
but on a lighter note, my friends are having a hard time (silly thing to be clear) picking between the new name i picked for myself and calling me mind. like i can very much see the hesitation in my headmates when they wanna address me and theyre picking between ginny and mind. which, i feel like im a bit of a cartoon character for picking the name ginger because. i Am a ginger.
anyway sorry if this is all weird to share 👍 im just excited to talk to other bigender people and maybe youd have some advice on this
ITS OKAY, RANT AWAY MY FRIEND!!
God I absolutely understand the feeling of like. Fear that I've had it wrong and the whole bullshit that surrounds masculinity and what it means to be masc [ESPECIALLY considering I used to id as transmasc alone, and being seen as feminine made me point blank feel uncomfortable]. It took me a while and a good bit of dysphoria for reasons I wasn't able to properly place to actually realise Oh it's how I'm Thinking about my gender that's causing this. I'm trying to shove a round peg in a square hole and yeah it fits, but not as good as it could.
For me at least, a lot of Being Bigender is taking femininity and making it my own. I've joked before that I found my femininity in the trash outside and that's exactly what it feels like to me. Recycling something to fit me better. There's also something for me about the Contradiction between it. I'm a pretty boy and a handsome girl! At the same time! There's something really special to me about being like that. I'm a pretty face of makeup right beside a black eye and bloody nose from winning a fight. I'm a contradiction and it makes me feel so happy.
A lot of growing up knowing I wasn't cis meant being seen as fem felt. Bad. To put it lightly. It still kinda does, tbh all I've really done is cherry picked the parts of being fem that work for me and combined them with what I already had. I took everything that I liked about it and threw out the rest. I love eyeliner but lipstick is too much sometimes, if that makes Any sense. It's a process, and you'll figure out what works for you best by experimenting! The best advice I can really give is just. Have fun! Listen to shitty music! Experiment with things you were afraid of! Be loud! Be yourself! You've already come so far and you deserve to be so fucking proud of that!!!
Figuring out what you want for yourself is difficult. I'm really proud of you for coming this far :) my asks/dms are always open if you wanna talk more btw!! It's entirely up to you and I hope you figure out what fits you best and makes you feel happy!!
#ace on stage#I REALLY HOPE THATS OKAY. APOLOGIES IF ITS NOT MUCH HELP#im a lil sick right now so my head is spinning lmao#but seriously im so fuckin proud of you#if you like the bigender label or if you decide that something else is better down the line? im so fucking proud#figuring yourself out takes so much and to reach out? takes even more#go get yourself some water and a snack and take care of yourself okay i love you [/platonic tone]#also unironically. its really silly but mcr's music helped me figure out my gender at least a little lmao#conventional weapons [especially make room!!!!] and the ENTIRE danger days album i owe you everything#okay im gonna stop rambling and go take some medicine my throat and head are killing me#friends <3
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