#sorry for the late response!!! I've not been keeping up with my asks

[themeraldee]

The ask with homelander with an s/o that make things got me thinking, how about other types of art too?

Like homelander with an s/o that usually draw but it's mostly doodles and like have a very specific way of drawing a chibi version of him in the back corners on the notebooks? So it's usually silly but every now and then homelander get a full painted or rendered piece of him? (This got me thinking in the titanic scene like homelander in the couch like :paint me ***strike model pose*** and then getting impatient because a full piece takes more time than the usual 5-10 minutes of the lil doodles)

Or with an s/o that writes poetry so write letters and love poems for him?

I love your blog:3

Thank you 🥹🥹🩷 I'm so glad you like it here!!

I love this! Anything that involves Homelander getting handmade gifts is gold! With his entire world revolving around corporate merchandising and how much revenue he can bring, money loses its meaning very quickly. And while any gift you'd buy (with your money or his) would bring a smile to his face, loving that you saw it and thought of him; the notion that you spent time crafting this gift that noone else has would just rock his world!

I imagine that handmade gifts are in general very rare for him because I'm sure most of the fan mail gets dealt with by Vought and if his fans make something for him he either doesn't see it or it's generic enough for him not to care about it.

But I love the 'so obsessed with each other even though they're together' kinda theme where his SO still writes him sweet notes and letters that absolutely melt his heart. This goes back to sewing notes into his costume only for him to see I mentioned in a pervious ask.

He'd keep all the letters in a box, rereading them anytime his SO would be out of town, like that sap he is.

I love the idea of his SO having like a collection of Homelander doodles. That'd be super cute.

Also you know he's being such a whiny baby just constantly going.

"How much longer is this going to take?"

"You done yet? Can I see??"

just for his SO to go like.

"Be patient, I'm trying to get familiar with your anatomy, I want it to look right."

"Oh I know one way to get familiar with my anatomy alright." There he goes insufferably wiggling his eyebrows.

His SO just throws a piece of charcoal at him.

[whispering-kavka]

the struggles of today proved to me that i might indeed be a little mentally unwell

[wolfertinger666]

I'm going to sound extremely vulnerable here so my apologies but:

my mother has purposely been keeping me blinded/unaware of everything around me so she can use my disability money for our house and keep me tied down here. out of the amount I get I only receive 100$(lately 90$) and that's barely enough to cover for products I need to take care of myself(which I lacked for the longest time because I'm heavily neglected) we deal with food incompetence and I live with a toxic mother who've I've become heavily estranged towards. everytime I ask her financial related questions she never answers them or only gives me vauge responses. she doesn't want to help me, she wants to keep me trapped in this house and use the money SSI gave me without looking out for my best interest.

I feel isolated and alone physically due to leaving the cult/religion we were in too. I'm trying my best to raise up money to leave but it's so overwhelming sometimes. sorry to air this all out I'm just stressed.

[echoes-of-hee]

— Only If You Say Yes LHS

Pairing; tutor!heeseung x fem!reader

Genre;  smau, strangers to lovers, fluffy flufff!

wc ; 2.6k+

series ; < next >

taglist ; @honeyybbuubblleess (reply or send an ask for the rest of the parts :) )

SYNOPSIS ; As the eldest child, you'd grown used to carrying the weight of responsibility. Your parents had raised you to be independent, quietly placing all their hopes on you, trusting that you'd lead by example. You never complained. Asking for help was never in your nature—not even from them—unless you had no other choice. You learned to handle things alone. But university was different. The relentless assignments, the need for a part-time job to afford rent and necessities—it was all becoming too much. You found yourself stretched thin, barely keeping up with the pressure of it all. It was during one of these moments, rushing for a part-time job interview, that everything changed. Distracted by your thoughts, you accidentally collided with someone on the sidewalk. The impact was sudden, catching you off guard. When you looked up, you saw Lee Heeseung, holding onto a cream-colored Border Collie. What you didn’t know then was that this chance encounter wouldn’t be the last time your paths would cross.

WARNING(S) ; mention of stalking, swearing, slow burn, lmk if I've forgotten anything.

NOTES. This has been in my draft for a while now, because i didn't like the story's flow. But I've managed to change some parts, hope you enjoy it!

You were practically sprinting toward the train station, heart pounding harder with each passing second. Glancing down at your watch, you cursed under your breath, "Fuck, fuck." It was 8:30 a.m., and you hadn’t eaten more than a single piece of toast since yesterday. Two cups of coffee down already, and you were running on fumes—yet the interview was at 9 a.m., and the clock wasn’t waiting for you.

The hunger gnawed at your stomach, but you powered through, pushing your legs faster. In your rush, you barely registered the person in front of you until it was too late. You collided hard, your body hitting the pavement with a dull thud as your bag scattered across the sidewalk. Pain shot through your body, a groan escaping your lips.

"Miss, are you okay?"

A soft, yet striking voice broke through the haze of the fall, causing your heart to stutter. You blinked, dazed, looking up into a pair of eyes that seemed oddly familiar. He was tall, effortlessly good-looking, and there was something about his presence that made your thoughts go fuzzy for a second. "Where have I seen him before?"

You didn’t realize you were staring until something warm and wet brushed your arm. His dog, a cream-colored Border Collie, had padded over to you, its big eyes filled with concern. It licked your arm, and you flinched slightly, breaking out of your daze.

Heat crept up your neck as you quickly scrambled to your feet, brushing off the dirt from your pants. "I—I'm fine," you mumbled, mentally kicking yourself for making things awkward.

The guy smiled gently, extending a hand to help you up, but you hesitated, still trying to figure out where you’d seen him before. There was something familiar about him, but your mind was racing too fast to place it.

And as the seconds ticked by, you were painfully aware that the train wasn’t going to wait for you.

You grabbed your things quickly, brushing the dust off with shaky hands. Your heart still raced, though you couldn’t tell if it was because of the fall or the fact that you’d just bumped into him. The dog nudged your leg softly as if trying to soothe your frazzled state. You gave it a quick pat, eyes darting back to the guy in front of you.

"Sorry, I didn’t see you there," you mumbled, heat creeping up your cheeks. You could feel his gaze, and that nagging feeling of familiarity returned. Where had you seen him before?

"No problem. You seemed like you were in a hurry," he replied, his tone calm yet with a hint of amusement. "Even Layla wanted to check if you were alright."

Your head snapped up. Layla. Wait a minute…

"Layla?" The name bounced around in your mind. You stood there for a second, thoughts jumbled. Isn't that…? You furrowed your brows, trying to connect the dots. "Wait, what was his name again? Jiyun? Jeyun? Jaehyun?"

Then it clicked.

Sim Jaeyun. Oh yeah, I remember now.

You glanced at the dog again and then back at the guy standing in front of you. Heeseung. That’s why he looked so familiar. He must be friends with Jaeyun. The realization hit you like a second wave, but before you could dwell on it, you caught another glimpse of your watch—8:37 a.m.

Panic surged through your chest. You were running out of time.

"Uh, thanks," you blurted, attempting to step past him. He moved slightly to the side, as if to make sure you were steady before letting you go.

"Are you sure you’re alright?" His brows furrowed, a hint of concern shadowing his features.

"Yeah, I’m fine," you forced a smile, but it felt more like a grimace. Layla, Jaeyun, Heeseung—it was all spinning in your head, but you had no time to unpack it. You gave Layla one last pat, then took off toward the station.

As you jogged away, the clock ticking down, you couldn’t help but wonder if your brief encounter with Heeseung was just an accident—or if it meant something more.

The following week, the campus began to feel like a bustling maze of obligations and responsibilities. Your part-time job at the café was in full swing, and the demands were mounting. Juggling classes, late-night study sessions, and work had you feeling like a spinning top, always teetering on the edge of falling.

Every morning started with the same ritual: a quick breakfast of toast—if you were lucky—followed by an adrenaline-fueled sprint to catch the train. You were still replaying your brief encounter with Heeseung in your mind, but it felt like a fleeting dream amidst the chaos of your reality.

At work, the café buzzed with energy. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee mingled with the scent of pastries, and the sound of chatter filled the air. You wore your uniform with a sense of pride, knowing you were part of a place that felt like a second home. Your coworkers, a lively bunch, kept the atmosphere light, and Giselle often popped in between her classes, bringing a dose of humor and encouragement.

“Okay, you have to tell me,” she said one afternoon as you wiped down a table. “Have you seen Heeseung again?”

You paused, a slight blush creeping onto your cheeks. “Not really, but I keep seeing him around. It’s weird.”

“Weird how?” she prodded, leaning in closer, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

“I don’t know. It’s like he just pops up everywhere. I saw him in the library yesterday and then again during lunch,” you replied, shaking your head. “But I don’t think it means anything. It’s probably just coincidence.”

Giselle smirked. “Or maybe the universe is trying to tell you something? You two should hang out more, It could be fate!"

“Fate?” you scoffed lightly, though a flutter of excitement stirred in your stomach. “More like coincidence. He probably doesn’t even remember my name.”

“Pfft, as if. Just be your charming self. You’d be surprised how many people remember you,” she teased, nudging you playfully.

You chuckled, grateful for her unwavering support. Yet, as the days passed, you found yourself stealing glances at Heeseung whenever you spotted him on campus. He was often surrounded by his friends, jaeyun included, and there was something magnetic about their presence. They seemed to draw attention effortlessly, and you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of admiration.

...

Your shifts at the café became a blend of excitement and exhaustion. Serving customers, brewing coffee, and managing orders kept you on your toes. Each time the door chimed, you couldn’t help but hope it was Heeseung walking in, but he never did. Instead, you saw Jaeyun occasionally with a group of friends, and they always seemed to be laughing and enjoying themselves.

One particularly hectic afternoon, as you rushed to fill a coffee order, you caught a glimpse of Jaeyun’s bright smile from across the room. It was contagious, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

The rush of the café made time fly. By the end of your shift, your legs were sore, and you were ready to collapse onto your bed. As you cleaned up, the last customers lingered, and you glanced out the window just as the sun began to set, casting a warm glow over the campus.

And there he was. Heeseung stood outside, his tall frame silhouetted against the orange hues of the sky. He was chatting with Jaeyun, laughing about something that made both of them grin. Your heart skipped a beat, a mixture of excitement and nerves bubbling up as you watched.

For a brief moment, your eyes locked with his, and it felt as though the world around you faded away. Heeseung’s expression shifted, a flicker of recognition crossing his face. But just as quickly, he turned back to Jaeyun, and the moment passed like a wisp of smoke.

“Y/N, you good?” one of your coworkers asked, breaking you from your thoughts.

You shook your head, clearing the lingering thoughts of Heeseung. “Yeah, just tired. Long day.”

“Totally understandable. Go get some rest,” they said, and you nodded, grateful for their understanding.

As you made your way home, your mind swirled with thoughts of the day. The pressures of your responsibilities weighed heavily on you, but the thought of Heeseung’s smile somehow lightened the load.

You entered your small apartment, the familiar scent of home wrapping around you. After a quick shower, you sank onto your bed, staring at the ceiling as exhaustion settled in.

But sleep didn’t come easy. Instead, your thoughts drifted back to Heeseung and the fleeting moments you’d shared. It felt surreal, like a puzzle you were trying to piece together. You found yourself imagining what it would be like to talk to him again, to learn more about the boy who had somehow captured your attention without even trying.

Days turned into weeks, and the encounters continued. You’d see Heeseung and Jaeyun often, whether it was in the library, on the quad, or grabbing lunch at the café where you worked. Each time, a mix of excitement and apprehension surged within you, but you held back, not yet ready to make a move.

With every moment spent in the shadows of your busy college life, the pressure mounted. Assignments piled up, and midterms loomed on the horizon. You struggled to keep your head above water, diving into textbooks late into the night, trying to memorize formulas and theories while the exhaustion tugged at your eyelids.

Despite the chaos, the moments you caught sight of Heeseung and Jaeyun brought a spark of light. You found yourself replaying your encounters in your mind, analyzing each word and glance. It was a subtle recognition that began to feel more significant than coincidence.

Then came the night of a campus event—a casual gathering with food trucks, games, and music. Gissele had practically dragged you along, insisting that you needed a break from your studies. “Just a few hours to unwind c'monn! We can go back to studying afterward,” she promised.

As you stepped onto the grass, the energy was infectious, and you allowed yourself to be swept away in the laughter and chatter. Yet, in the back of your mind, you couldn’t shake the thought of Heeseung and Jaeyun being around. The anticipation made your heart race, but it was a double-edged sword.

The evening unfolded beautifully, with lights strung across the trees and the scent of food wafting through the air. You and Giselle wandered from food truck to food truck, filling your plates with snacks and drinks.

“Look, there’s heeseung!” Giselle nudged you, pointing across the crowd.

You spotted Heeseung talking to his friend, both of them animated and engaged in conversation. Your heart raced, and you felt a twinge of envy at their easy camaraderie. But just as quickly, you felt a surge of determination.

“Okay, I’m going to say hi,” you declared, surprising even yourself.

“Go get ’em, tiger!” Giselle cheered, her voice barely audible over the music.

You took a deep breath, willing your legs to move as you navigated through the crowd. Each step felt like a leap into the unknown, but you focused on the sight of Heeseung’s bright smile.

And just as you approached, fate intervened once more. You lost your footing on a patch of uneven grass, stumbling slightly.

“Y/n?” Heeseung turned, catching sight of you, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Hey!” you blurted, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks.

His smile returned, warmer than before. “Hey! Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Yeah, Giselle dragged me along,” you admitted, trying to play it cool despite the embarrassment.

“Glad she did. This is a lot of fun.” He gestured toward the festivities around you.

You nodded, feeling a rush of excitement. “It really is! I’ve been so swamped with school and work, I almost forgot how to relax.”

Heeseung chuckled, the sound like music to your ears. “I get that. Uni can be overwhelming. It’s all about finding that balance, right?”

You couldn’t help but feel drawn in by his easygoing demeanor. “Exactly. I’ve been juggling a part-time job and classes, and it’s been a lot.”

“Same here,” he replied, nodding in understanding. “I work part-time at a tutoring center. It helps to have something to fall back on when classes get too intense.”

Your interest piqued. “Really? that's so cool! What do you tutor?”

“Mostly math and science. It’s fun to help people get through subjects that can be tricky,” he said, his passion evident.

“Math?You really are smart just like what people said! Well, I’m majoring in finance, so I can definitely use some help with that,” you joked, the nerves from before beginning to melt away.

“I could give you some tips if you ever need them. I’m sure we could work something out,” he offered with a casual smile, making your heart skip a beat.

Just then, Jaeyun called out to Heeseung, waving him over. “Hee, let's go bro! You too y/n, let's have some fun!”

You glanced at Gissele, who was watching with wide eyes, clearly excited for you to mingle. You hesitated for a moment, but the thought of spending more time with Heeseung pulled you in.

“Lets go,” you said with a giggle, leading the way as you followed Heeseung and Jaeyun through the crowd. The game involved tossing rings onto bottles, and laughter filled the air as people cheered each other on.

As you joined the group, you fell into a comfortable rhythm with Heeseung and Jaeyun. The three of you laughed and joked, your worries momentarily forgotten. Heeseung’s light-hearted banter and Jaeyuns’s infectious energy made it easy to relax.

“Okay, my turn!” you announced, stepping up to the makeshift ring toss. You took a deep breath, focusing on the bottles ahead, and tossed the ring. It landed perfectly on one of the bottles, prompting cheers from the group.

“Nice one, y/n!” Heeseung clapped, genuine enthusiasm lighting up his features.

“Thanks,I guess all those late nights studying have paid off,” you joked, feeling a warm glow from the attention.

The game continued, with each turn bringing more laughter and teasing. Gissele was chatting with some of her friends nearby but kept glancing over, giving you thumbs up and encouraging nods.

At one point, Heeseung leaned closer to you, his voice slightly lowered as if sharing a secret. “So, are you always this competitive, or is it just the ring toss that brings it out of you?”

You smirked, pretending to ponder the question seriously. “Well, I like to think of myself as a passionate individual. Competitive? Maybe.. just a little,” you replied with a playful wink.

Heeseung laughed, and the sound sent warmth rushing through you. In that moment, the world around you faded, and it felt like it was just the two of you, caught in a bubble of shared laughter and easy conversation.

After the games, you found a quiet corner to sit and catch your breath. The sunset cast a golden hue across the campus, and you took a moment to appreciate the beauty around you. Gissele plopped down beside you, her face alight with excitement.

“Oh my god, you both were so cute I swear! You and Heeseung totally have chemistry,” she gushed, nudging you with her elbow. “You should’ve seen the way he looked at you!”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “It was just a game, Giselle. He’s nice, but it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” she teased, clearly unconvinced. “But seriously, you should hang out with him more. You have so much in common!”

As the event wound down, the night took on a dreamy quality. You shared stories and laughter with your friends, but your mind occasionally drifted back to Heeseung. The way he smiled, the way his laughter made you feel alive—it was intoxicating.

Afterward, you and Gissele decided to head back home. As you walked, you felt a mix of exhilaration and exhaustion. The night had been a whirlwind of fun, but the thought of facing the grind of schoolwork loomed ahead.

...

[illuminiscentboba]

are you wearing my merch?!

synopsis: they walk in on you trying their volleyball merch but you guys haven't confessed...yet(?)

featuring: atsumu, akaashi and matsukawa

ATSUMU:

he ended up walking in on you trying on their merch. "Y/N?!" his loud yell startled you and your quick to cover your atsumu miya headband. "is that...my merch?" he says incredulously. you consider denying it but his eyes are fixed on the font of his name on your shirt. oh no...you forgot to cover that too. "yeah." your embarrassed that he found out you were interested in him this way. but him on the other hand, his jaw is still on the floor, everything and nothing running through his mind. you? wearing his merch? he dreamed of this moment, in fact he was already planning to ask you to cheer for his team, cheer for him but did you think about him too? you started to unravel the headband. "noooo, don't take it off!!!!" he takes it from your hands, shifting your hair, concentrating as he tried to retie it. you find his struggling rather cute, trying to stand still as he fumbles with the knot. "you better wear this at my next match...I'll look for you in the crowd, you hear me?" "theres no way you'll find me with all those fans." you laugh, but he's serious. "i'll have you know, I have great eyesight! theres no way i would miss your cute smile and your cheering!" "he's right." osamu adds and you two jump at the sight of him leaning against the doorway. "theres no way he doesn't know all the details of your face with all the staring he does." "'SAMU!!!!" he sticks his tongue out at his brother who is swinging at him. it wasn't osamu's fault that atsumu has chickened out on confessing to you for what has been the 10th time. at the rate atsumu was moving you would be old and wrinkly before he even got to confess his feelings. "well" the twins still, both anxiously awaiting your response "I think its only fair that you owe me a date if i have to wear your merch don't you think?" they had a practice match to get to unfortunately and so you couldn't keep them for long. "a date?! wait...you like me back?? 'samu!!!! oh my god she likes me back!!" "I heard her the first time, dumbass." "wheres my phone!! i've got to resave your phone number as girlfriend!!!" "here we go..." osamu drags his whining brother away, you know how kita gets when they're late.

AKAASHI

he's apologetic, with the way your hands freeze gripping the shirt around your body its clear that you were changing. "oh, sorry about that. I'll close the door." he's quick to step backwards, already closing the door. "wait!" you panic. how are you supposed to explain the fukurodani headband and worse, the go akaashi go t-shirt you were sporting. did he think it was weird? did it make him uncomfortable? he paused, poking his head in. now he's got a better look at you, finally making out the lettering of the headband and his name on your chest. "is that for me?" he asks the obvious, was there another akaashi you knew of? the fukurodani headband makes him see logic. "that is for me." he corrects himself, inviting himself inside. up until now hes been pining for you, and even the team knew it with how much he accidentally brought you up or the way his eyes would wander to you. he spots another go akaashi ribbon, proving it wasn't an accident. you follow his eyes, laughing sheepishly at the display. "yeah...i told my friend that i thought your setting was cool and she got me all this merch." he smiles at the compliment "you should wear that at the match, it'll make my setting even better" he suggests, giddy at the idea of you in his merch and your cute laugh at his suggestion. "actually..." he gets an idea, slipping off his freshly washed jersey. you yelp as he pulls it over his head, a peek at his muscles and now ruffled dark locks of hair. he holds it out to you. "would you rather try on the real deal?" you try it on, posing in front of the mirror. "it suits you more than me" he admits, slapping a hand over his mouth at the accidental revelation. "maybe i should wear it more often then?" he blushes "maybe."

MATSUKAWA

matsukawa is too smug when he sees you walk out of the volleyball unofficially official 'fanroom', sporting a shirt with not oikawa's name, not iwaizumi's either but his name. he doesn't remember if he had even bids his teamates goodbye before rushing over. "nice shirt you've got there y/n." you flinch, your hands going up to cover the lettering. "what do you mean? this is a regular shirt." obviously no one is convinced, and your bothered by how cute you find his toothy grin and the lift of his eyebrows at your embarassment, he wants to push your buttons even further, "so you're saying that you didn't look for a shirt with my name on it specifically?" every time you turn away from him he comes closer, prying your hands from his face. "yeah, they ran out of oikawa shirts." you lie. you don't miss the way his smile drops and the disappointed slump of his shoulders. "did they really? were lying to make me feel better?" "No!! I...I lied, I was fighting for my life to get my hands on this. you have quite a lot of fans of your own actually." you wince at the memory, rubbing your shoulders that many people were bumping to get the merch. you almost wish you stood on the lie because why was he giving the cheshire cat a run for its money? "Oh? it sounds like you've got competition" "don't make me go back and return the shirt" "fine, fine." he gives in, struggling to keep his hands to himself. "wear that at our next match please." "whats in it for me?" he ponders for a moment, "would a fan be interested in...a date?" "deal." "...wait....wait a second?! WHAT!!! Y/N???" "don't be late." "HELLO?! IS THIS A CONFESSION?!"

[puddingyun]

tone . ݁₊ ⊹ k.hj

hongjoong x reader

18+ mdni

: 985 words, smut, auralism/voice kink, fingering, some dirty talk :

day 5 of fff24 (catching up since i got sick (╥ᆺ╥；)) ♡

"I'm sorry I'm so late, baby."

Hongjoong's voice pulled you out of the light sleep you'd fallen into. A smile played on your lips as you felt your boyfriend crawl into bed behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist to pull you close. 

"I got so caught up I didn't realise what time it was," he whispered. He didn't sound sleepy at all, even though when you opened your eyes to squint at your phone the screen displayed a staggering 3:00 AM. You hummed softly as one of Hongjoong's hands slid up your pyjama top to rest against your stomach. "I'm sorry for waking you up."

"It's okay. Your feet are cold," you mumbled, which made Hongjoong giggle behind you. He pressed a soft kiss to the back of your neck and tangled his feet even more with yours, pulling you both flush together. "Keep talking, Joongie."

"Okay," Hongjoong murmured, his fingers moving back and forth against your skin. "I missed you all day. Missed hearing you talk, and your footsteps around the apartment. I kept wondering what you were up to. What did you get up to, hon?"

Your mind was so fuzzy from listening to Hongjoong talk that you almost forgot to reply. 

"Uhm," you stalled, pressing your thighs together as you tried to remember what you did while Hongjoong was out. "I finished some work in the morning after you left and in the afternoon I watched a movie... Some supernatural thing, like a rip-off of The Ring."

"Just a typical day, huh?" Hongjoong hummed, stretching his fingers out to let his pinky rest beneath the waistband of your panties. When you mumbled out a soft 'uh-huh', Hongjoong exhaled quietly, amused by your sleepy voice. You felt butterflies fill your stomach at the sound of it. "Mine was the same, just finishing things up and brainstorming new- hey, baby, why're you squirming so much?"

"Nothing," you huffed softly, though you could feel your cheeks heating up when he called you out. Hongjoong grunted, a small sound that told you he didn't really believe your reply, and then sighed so that his breath fanned out over the back of your neck. "Just finish telling me about your day?"

"Okay, well... I've been picking up the guitar more often. Maybe tomorrow I'll show you the songs I've learned," he rambled on, not pausing to mention the way you were almost constantly shifting your thighs, seeking friction to accompany the warmth growing between your legs at the sound of Hongjoong's voice. "...I was going to get an energy drink but one of the staff members kept going on about how they aren't good for you so I ended up getting a coffee instead. But then later on I saw Wooyoungie with one and nobody was telling him to be careful so I don't know what that was about."

You made a non-committal sound in response, trying to pretend like you were listening when in reality Hongjoong's words were all getting muddled in your head, blurred around the edges and scratching an itch you hadn't noticed was there.

"Baby?" Hongjoong's voice called softly. 

"Hm?" you replied, pouting at his voice coming to a stop even if it was just to call you a petname. 

"Are you getting off on this?" he asked, and this time you could hear a smirk in his voice. You stuttered, trying to come up with a believable answer, but Hongjoong cut you off with a giggle. "It's okay. You're cute. Want me to finish telling you about my day?"

You paused, weighing up your embarrassment against your desire to deal with the sudden wave of arousal so you could get back to sleep. Eventually, the latter won out, and you relaxed in Hongjoong's hold again. 

"Yes please," you murmured, feeling like you were asking for a bedtime story. Hongjoong's lips pressed against your shoulder in a feverish kiss before he resumed his earlier ramblings.

This time, as he spoke, his hand slowly moved beneath your panties. When his fingers came into contact with the wetness on your lips his breath hitched momentarily, then his fingers began rubbing circles against your clit with just enough pressure to make your breathing uneven. 

"And then we had a meeting to try on some new stage outfits, they got us fitted and everything... The colours seemed sorta off to me but they said that under the stage lights and all of that it'd look fine," he mumbled, his voice slowly becoming rougher around the edges as your arousal became more evident. Your shaky breaths turned into hushed moans, skin tingling everywhere that Hongjoong touched and the pool of arousal in your stomach getting dangerously close to spilling over. 

You felt two of his fingers press into you, and as he bent them inside of you his palm rubbed against your clit, making you groan into your pillow. A soft nip to your shoulder made you gasp, Hongjoong's teeth digging into your skin hard enough to leave a mark. 

"You're so fucking cute. I come home and don't even say anything dirty to you and here you are, making a mess on my fingers," he mumbled against your skin, his fingers picking up their pace. "All I have to do is talk to you about my day and you're rubbing your thighs together trying to get off. You're so fucking precious."

The way the curse word rolled off of his tongue was enough to push you over the edge, clenching around his fingers as you came hard. Behind you Hongjoong trailed a line of kisses along your skin, lips curved into a smile the whole time. 

Once your breathing had slowed back down Hongjoong gave your waist a tight squeeze.

"Let me get you some water baby," he whispered, kissing your temple as he got up. "Then I'll let you get back to sleep." 

[sv5hive]

too little, too late. | lh44

pairing: lewis hamilton x fem!reader

content warning(s): angst, swearing, lewis is a bit of a dick in this sorry, unhappy ending because i love being miserable 🫶🏻

word count: 1,763

note: thank you so much for all the likes and reblogs on my first work a few days ago!! i didn't expect all the love so it is very, very appreciated :) this is a bit long so get comfy! and i also listened to you're losing me by taylor swift while writing so... yeah.

(psst! part 2 is here!)

(masterlist!)

memories from the night you two met flashed through your mind as you stood alone in the dim kitchen. the hangover from the next morning meant most of the night was a blur of shots, flashing lights and sweaty bodies but those deep brown eyes and endearing smile remained sharply in focus.

you stared at the two cold plates of dinner abandoned on the table and a bottle of wine nearing the end.

where had it all gone wrong?

six years.

six years of supporting him through everything.

and you loved being with lewis no matter what. seeing him in his element while racing was just as exciting for you as it was for him. but when would it end? you couldn't keep your life on pause forever.

back in 2017 when you first started dating you discussed a life of peace. a life with a big family and a nice house in england where your children could grow up normally like the both of you did. and you weren't foolish. you would never truly have peace when you were in a relationship with lewis hamilton, the face of formula 1. but you were willing to give up any sense of normality if it meant you could be with the love of your life.

or so you thought.

years passed as you watched all your friends get engaged and married, settle down and start their own families. at every bachelorette party, wedding reception, baby shower, family event you would be asked the same questions.

"when is he going to pop the question? you two have to get married! i bet he's planning to do it soon."

and every time you would have the same response.

"oh we're just taking it slow. he's pretty busy with racing and we both agreed that it wouldn't be fair for him to be away so much."

and you really did believe that at first.

either you didn't notice the stares of pity or you ignored them to convince yourself that everything was ok. it was only when you brought up the idea of finally having kids that you started doubting yourself.

"hey, lew. i've been thinking."

"hmm, yeah? what about." he replied absentmindedly, still searching netflix for a good movie to watch.

you passed him the bowl of popcorn to hold while you got under the blanket.

"i was thinking that we're finally ready to start a family."

he stilled. that was the last thing he thought you would bring up.

"lewis?"

"i want a family too, you know that. but i can't retire without getting that eighth championship. we're almost there. besides, i don't wanna leave you at home with a kid and not be there for every step of the way."

both of you knew at the rate mercedes was going, lewis would need a miracle and a half to win another title against red bull and their rocket ship.

he avoided your eyes and clearly thought that was the end of the matter so you accepted that when he was ready he would tell you. right?

you tossed and turned that night, unable to get the way he brushed off the topic so coldly out of your head. did you imagine it? that flicker of hesitance on his face? a pit of uneasiness settled at the bottom of your stomach as you desperately tried to reason with yourself. no. everything is fine. you had already waited a few years. what was a couple more?

so you tucked away your dreams of a family into the back of your mind for the time being and just enjoyed your relationship with lewis. every date felt like the first and you never wanted your love to end.

"lewis...this is too much!" as you stared in awe at the lone table in the middle of a completely empty restaurant.

rose petals led you two all the way from the entrance to a table with a single rose stood in a vase in the centre as candles flickered softly.

"for you? never."

staring at him in the golden light, you couldn't help but blush at his romantic gesture. he was making up for being away during a triple header and you hated to admit it but you could get used to this.

racing. you smiled at the thought of seeing lewis race. it was like seeing an artist produce a masterpiece every time pencil hit paper. he truly was an incredible sight to see.

you were there for each of his championships since 2017. you witnessed the joy of 2020 and the heartbreak of 2021. you were there, celebrating each win with him and consoling him after each loss, every time. you had fallen in love with the sport you once had no knowledge of just as hard as you had fallen for lewis. you knew how much of a toll each season took on him and you were always going to be there to pick him back up. his world became yours as you met his team and soon enough you were a familiar sight in the mercedes garage.

wasn't seven world championships enough for him?

you would never ask him to give up his career for you. and he would never ask that of you. but after years of waiting for the next step you couldn't help but wonder whether he still wanted that with you.

he was more than an hour late now. both of your schedules had been almost completely full for the past few months and you thought it would be nice to catch up over homemade dinner.

apparently he didn't think the same.

you hadn't bothered calling or texting. he always turned his phone off while at work anyways. as you finished off the last mouthful of wine the jingle of keys and the door unlocking brought you back out of your thoughts.

heavy footsteps trudged through the hallway.

"hey baby, i didn't think you would be up- what's all this?"

"dinner. i've been waiting for two hours now." you turned away from the counter to face him.

"shit. i am so sorry. i just got so caught up at work. we've been trying to improve the car to-"

"-to beat red bull. i know. i know."

"i promise i'll make it up to you. what about dinner next week? at that chinese restaurant you really like?" he walked towards you and went to wrap his arms around you before you pushed him away.

"stop, lewis. just stop. i can't keep doing this." you couldn't look him in the eyes.

a pin drop could be heard as lewis' blood ran cold.

"what?"

the change in atmosphere almost made you wish you had never said anything. almost.

"i can't keep waiting on you, lewis. i'm sorry."

"i said i would make it up to you." the look of pure confusion on his face would be amusing if it weren't for the fact that you were on the verge of tears.

"it's not just about dinner, lewis."

"then what is it about?"

"everything. god, we've been together for eight years and we're not even engaged and nowhere near starting a family. we have nothing to show for it. i knew i would have to wait and i was fine with that but i just can't anymore. this isn't what i imagined for us."

"so what? you're just going to leave? you know how i feel about having kids."

"and i get that, i do. but are you even planning on retiring in the near future? we're not getting any younger and i've been ready for a while now. i just don't think our ideas of our future are the same anymore."

"am i just meant to drop everything for you then? give it all up?"

"fuck, of course not, lewis. i would never ask you to do that. never. but sometimes it feels like you choose your career over me. and i know what it takes to be in formula 1 to win, i know you need to give it your full focus. i just, i need you to choose me for once. choose us."

"no, you don't know what it takes because if you did, you wouldn't be doing this to me right now. in the middle of the season."

you blinked. once. twice. you couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"are you fucking kidding me, lewis? i'm ending our six year relationship and you're thinking of how it's going to effect your season?"

"yes! fuck, this is my whole life. it always has been and it always will be."

there it is. confirmation from the man himself. you stumbled on your words trying to convey your anger as your blood continuously boiled at his miserable attempt to fix his mess.

"have you ever even thought about how i've felt all these years? giving every excuse in the book to our families and friends about why we haven't taken the next step in our relationship and defending you when they said i was too good for you? you may get to avoid them by going to the races but i don't have that privilege."

your throat was dry at this point as you gasped for air and still, he was stood almost unbothered at the fact you were hopelessly clinging onto the last remaining threads of your relationship, willing him to fight back.

"so that's it? you're not going to stop me?"

tears pooled at your eyes as you realised this was really happening.

"well clearly you've thought this out pretty well."

you didn't know whether to laugh, cry or throw the empty bottle of wine at his head.

"you are fucking unbelievable, lewis. i thought this meant something to you but clearly not."

you stormed towards the door and opened it. you paused while silently hoping he would beg you to stay. hoping he would risk everything for you.

but it never came.

you wiped away your tears and tried to at least sound somewhat assertive despite your voice wavering.

"let me know when you're not at home and i'll come get my things."

you slammed the door shut with a resounding bang and walked away from the place and person you had called home for so long.

he sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. as he moved to get a beer out of the fridge his gaze fell on the calendar stuck to the front. there was a red heart around today's date with "anniversary!" written in your handwriting.

fuck.

note: yikes. i hope you aren't too sad because of me. any feedback is appreciated!! let me know what else you wanna see :)

[vbecker10]

Language (Part 2)

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6

Pairing: Loki x female reader (Y/N)

Summary: Captain Rogers thinks you curse far too much at work so he came up with a way for each word to cost you fifty cents no matter where you are in the Tower. You are desperate for it to stop and go to Loki to see if he has a spell or trick that can help you outsmart J.A.R.V.I.S.

Warnings: swearing lol... obviously?

A/N: I'm so sorry @soubi001 lol and you know why. I've been kicking this idea around in my head for a while because I'm very aware that I swear way more often than a normal person lol hope you enjoy it 💚

"I found a few spells I would like to try when we finish eating," he changes the topic a moment later.

"Think one of them will work?" you ask hopefully.

"I certainly hope so," he says. "Of course, I could accidently turn you into a frog if something goes wrong."

"That's not funny," you tell him.

"I wasn't joking," he smirks.

You take a bite of pizza and as you chew, you respond by giving Loki the finger. In turn J.A.R.V.I.S charges you another fifty cents and you roll your eyes.

"Serves you right," he says and you can tell he is trying to sound serious but a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. "You are quite rude to me when all I am trying to do is be helpful," he places his hand over his heart, pouting to appear hurt by your gesture.

You ball up your napkin, throwing it at him but he deflects it easily back towards you, a smile spreading across the god's face. You stick your tongue out at the prince when the paper ball hits your shoulder and he laughs light heartedly. Loki's hand rests gently on your knee for barely a moment and he removes it almost before your mind can register the action.

He gets up abruptly, clearing his throat and you feel a sinking sensation in your chest at his sudden shift in mood. You had what you imagine is a rare glimpse of Loki's playful, mischievous side and you can't help but wish he wouldn't return to the cold, overly sarcastic demeanor he had when you first knocked on his door. Closing the pizza box, you decide to clean up the table and put the leftovers in Loki's fridge. It's a small but welcome distraction, keeping you from thinking about how much you enjoy Loki's company when he allows himself to relax around you.

"Thank you for the food," he says without looking up from his book. He sits crossed legged on the floor and holds the book a bit closer as his fingers trace the text across the page.

You smile then sit back on the couch, "You're very welcome... and thanks for trying to help me." He nods quietly in response as he continues to read.

Loki stands slowly a few minutes later, his eyes lowered as he reads the book in his hands. He walks towards you with the book still open and you suddenly become nervous as you realize this is actually going to happen. You are actually going to let him put a spell on you.

"Okay... so what's this supposed to do?" you are almost afraid to ask.

Loki sits next to you and places the open book on the coffee table. "Well, in theory it should-" he starts to explain, his eyes meeting yours as he glances up from the book.

"In theory?" you ask, your voice shaking.

"Yes," he answers seriously. "This is not what the spell was originally intended to do but I should be able to adjust it slightly so that it will fix your issue."

"So... I'm starting to think maybe having someone put a literal spell on me is a really fucking stupid idea," you say and shake your head, ignoring J.A.R.V.I.S.

"I am not just someone," he says, it is clear from his tone he is trying to sound offended but he doesn't hide his smirk as well as he thinks he does.

"Right, you're an actual trickster god," you reply, gesturing towards him. "The title doesn't exactly inspire trust, you know?"

He shrugs, "It's not too late to change your mind and either give up swearing or simply ask for a raise."

You groan and sit back, crossing your arms against your chest, "Just promise me you won't turn me into a frog." His lips curl into a smirk and you sit up, quickly adding, "Or a snake or a bug or anything else not human. Please?"

"I promise you will remain a Midgardian," he says in a sincere voice. His eyes flicker from yours to your hand and his fingers move slightly towards you but he pauses then places his hand on his knee. He shifts a few inches closer to you on the couch but keeps his eyes focused on the open book. "Do you still want me to do this, Y/N?" he asks, glancing back at you.

"Yes," you take a deep breath and nod. "Yea, lets do this. What's the worse that can happen?"

He chuckles and without thinking, you put your hand over his mouth before he can say anything. His eyes widen when your palm touches his lips and for a split second, your brain registers how soft they are. Loki has a look of utter confusion on his face when you remove your hand quickly with a nervous laugh.

"Sorry, I just don't really want to hear all the horrible stuff that might happen if this goes wrong," you tell him, lowering your eyes to avoid looking at him.

"Nothing will go wrong," he promises, touching your arm lightly but he moves his hand the moment you look up. "Are you ready to start?" he asks.

"As ready as I'm gonna be," you tell him with a shrug, feeling slightly more confident in Loki than you had moments earlier.

He flashes you a small smile then leans forward slightly towards the book, his fingers tracing the lines of text as he mumbles to himself. He nods confidently when he is satisfied with the spell and looks at you. "Stay still," he warns you gently then he holds his open palm inches from your neck. Your heart beats faster as he begins to read the foreign words, his voice just above a whisper. The green glow of his seidr slowly reaches out from his fingertips and you feel it's warmth wrap around your throat loosely. You force yourself to remain perfectly still, keeping your eyes focused on Loki.

When he finishes reading, he closes the book and looks at you. "Care to test it out?" he asks, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice unsuccessfully.

You clear your throat and say, "I hope this *silence* spell worked..." You look at him in shock when your voice goes suddenly silent as you swear. "What the *silence* was that?"

"Interesting," Loki says, opening the book again.

"I really *silence* hate when you say *silence* like that," you tell him, trying not to feel worried as your voice cuts in and out.

"The spell was supposed to block J.A.R.V.I.S from being able to hear you swear but it seems to have silenced your words completely," he explains, running his fingers through his long, dark curls as he leans closer to the open pages. "Ahh..." he nods as he flips the page.

"What the *silence* does that mean?" you look at the page over his shoulder.

"I seem to have misjudged the potency of this part here," he points to a passage from the book that you have no way of understanding. "Still, it seems as if it was successful," he forces a smile as he can tell you are unhappy with the results.

"Successful?" you ask, sitting back you put your hands over your face.

"The computer is not charging you," he reminds you. "Was that not the goal of this whole evening?"

"Yea," you agree. "I guess you're right."

"Than you should be thanking me," Loki smirks proudly. "Feel free to throw in as many compliments as you would like."

You can't help but laugh, "Thank *silence* *silence* *silence* *silence*..." Your heart sinks and you fill with dread as all of your words are soundless but Loki doesn't seem to notice as he closes the book again.

"I am waiting for the flood of complements I am owed and then you are free to leave," he chuckles and you swat his shoulder with the back of your hand. He looks at you with a confused expression and you gesture towards your throat as you open your mouth to speak but no sound comes out.

"Oh, no..." he shakes his head as he realizes what you are trying to tell him. "Okay, don't worry Y/N, I can undo the spell," he assures you as he opens the book. He mumbles under his breath as he flips through the pages quickly and you can only imagine he must be swearing in Asgardian. He finds the page he had been on previously and pulls the book onto his lap.

You tug on the sleeve of his shirt nervously and he looks at you. "I am going to fix it," he promises again, taking your hand and squeezing it gently. "I just need a moment to think," he explains and you can't do anything but nod.

"So that was awful," you laugh nervously a few minutes later when your voice is fully restored. You rub your throat gently and Loki frowns, holding your gaze for only a moment before he looks away.

"I truly am sorry," he says, shaking his head. "I have no idea why that went so wrong," he skims the page again, his fingers comb through his hair as he thinks.

"Do you think it's cause you messed with it too much?" you ask as he closes the book heavily and stands up.

"It may have been," he responds, placing the book in the pile of useless ones. He sighs and looks around at the books still remaining on the shelves.

"Can I ask you something?" you tuck your legs under your body and pick up one of his pillows to hold against your chest. He nods but doesn't face you, his eyes searching for the next solution. "How come you have to alter the spells? Wouldn't it be easier to just use the right type?"

"Ah yes, why didn't I just look in my hundred year old book of spells that deals with artificial intelligence?" he says sarcastically.

"Okay, that's fair," you roll your eyes. "I guess I didn't really think about that part. I just figured... well I'm not really sure how I thought your magic worked honestly."

"No one on the team is concerned with how my spells are created," Loki says over his shoulder then he picks up a thick, leather bound book and quietly adds, "So long as the spells work properly, my magic rarely interests anyone."

"I think it's cause you make it look so natural," you try to explain as you get up and walk towards him. "Like when you are on a mission, you don't sit around a read a ton of books or recite all these spells before doing anything, you just sort of," you wave your hand towards a stack of books and mime moving them to the table, "and stuff happens. Am I making sense?"

He chuckles, "Yes."

"So how do you do it?" you ask.

"Do what?" he looks at you confused.

"Make it look so easy?" you respond with a shrug.

"Roughly nine hundred years of practice," he answers.

"Nine hundred..." you say quietly and he nods. "I forgot you're like a thousand years old."

"One thousand fifty three," he smirks, "And I will assume you forgot because of my stunning good looks."

"You're not unfortunate to look at," you laugh, unable to admit he is completely correct.

"You wound me, truly, Y/N," he shakes his head but can't contain his laughter.

There is a loud knock on Loki's door and you turn towards it but Loki makes no move to answer it. He opens the book in his hand and you shrug then walk to the door.

"What are you doing?" he asks without looking up.

"Answering your door," you tell him. "It's what normal people do when someone knocks."

"I am still dealing with the consequences of the last time I opened my door to someone," he says followed by a heavy sigh but you can tell his annoyance is faked and you fight to hold back a smile.

"Oh... hello Y/N," Thor says slowly, unable to hide his shock. "What are you doing in my brother's room?"

"Um..." you hadn't thought far enough ahead to come up with an excuse when you opened the door. "We were just- we're hanging out. Do you need him?"

"I was just wondering if he had seen my wallet," Thor says. "Or have you?"

"Brown leather wallet with a big script 'T' embossed on the front and a picture of Jane in the little plastic picture space?" you describe the wallet Loki had given you money from earlier.

"Yes, that's it," he says excitedly.

"No, sorry I haven't seen it," you tell him and instantly have no idea why you lied.

"Oh, okay well if you do, let me know. I had about two hundred dollars in it," he says.

Minus the money Loki already gave me, you think. "Will do Thor and I'll check to see if Loki's seen it," you tell him.

"Thank you, goodnight Y/N," he says as he leaves.

"Your brother is gone," you tell him when you close the door. You notice Loki is now sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the stack of books with one open on his lap.

Loki nods in response, his eyes scanning the open pages in front of him.

"He was looking for his wallet but I told him neither of us had seen it," you inform him.

"Mmhmm," he mumbles and nods again.

"Thor asked why I was here so late so I told him we've been secretly dating for months and we're madly in love," you say as you walk closer to the prince.

Again, Loki nods slowly, turning the page he hums, "Mmhm."

"I told him you are a really good kisser but you never know what to do with your hands," you smile as you stand right behind him.

Loki turns the next page and without looking up says, "I know exactly what to do with my hands."

"Oh-" you say in surprise. "You were listening to me."

"Yes," he chuckles. "I can read and listen to you lie at the same time."

"Right well..." you fidget with your fingers and try to think of something to say.

"Why are you standing so close to me?" he says finally looking up to see you reading over his shoulder.

You take a large step back and giggle nervously, "Sorry. I- Umm... Did you find anything useful?"

"Possibly," he says as he gets up.

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

@soubi001 @mochie85 @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @animnerd @cabingrlandrandomcrap @icytrickster17 @mischief2sarawr @mjsthrillernp @holdmytesseract @lulubelle814 @goblingirlsarah @alexakeyloveloki @siconetribal @lokidokieokie @kneelingformyloki @jiyascepter @eleniblue @loreniscrying @muddyorbsblr @alyeskathewave @loz-3 @firedrakegirl @javagirl328 @princess-asgard @morally-grey-variant @soulpiercing @km-ffluv @glitterylokislut @biodegradable-glitter-fest @wolfsmom1 @simone818283 @hopefuldreamers-world @blackhawkfanatic @lokikell8 @dracoswhorexx @sunglasses-in-the-bentley @anukulee @free-llama-arcade @michellewgrt @scrumptious-finicky-illusion

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All In 11

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)

based on the winning option for this poll

Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes

Note: it's a new week

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Your phone buzzes against your leg, ripping you back to reality. Your eyes widen and drift away from the stream of font. You sit up and mark the page with your finger as you reach for the jittering cell. 

You scramble to grab onto it and hesitate to hit the big green button. The screen doesn't look like usual, not that you get many calls. You tap the button and the image changes at once, Bucky startling you as he appears. 

"Hey, doll," he grins and winks at you, moving the camera to lean against something. "How's it going?" 

"Uhhhh," you drone, surprised. He can see you too. You know by the little reflection of yourself in the corner. "Hi. Fine." You put the book down with no mind to losing the page, "um, you?" 

"You busy, doll?" 

"Reading but... no." 

"Mm," he hums, "glad to see you enjoying your treats but... no pajamas?" 

He steps back and you get a view of him from waist up, the edge of a counter in the lower edge. You pout then give a sheepish smile, "sorry, I haven't... had a chance." 

"That's okay, doll, I just wanted a peek before I went to work," he undoes his shirt button by button and pulls it off, revealing his muscular torso. You gulp at the lines of his muscle along his stomach, "why don't you put them on now and give me a look." 

"Oh, uh..." you glance at the wall. It's late. You're pretty sure Roxie already left for work and your mom will probably be settling down. "Right, uh..." 

"Just want something to think of when I walk the floor," he purrs. 

"Sure, er," you nearly choke, "I'll just-- one sec." 

"I can wait, doll. I've been waiting, haven't I?" He purrs. 

You feel a pang of guilt. You place the phone down so the lens faces the ceiling and climb off the bed. He's given you a lot, too much honestly, and now you feel like you owe him. It isn't fair to take his kindness without anything in return. And he isn't asking much, is he? 

You dig in the bag, the crinkle loud as the only other noise is the subtle movement from his end. You fish out the soft pajamas and peer over, making certain the phone is still flat. You change far away from it, paranoid. 

You look down at yourself in the tank and shorts. Oh gosh. It's a lot less than you usually wear. Your legs are showing, your shoulders, and a bit of your tummy. 

"Doll?" He says and you flinch. 

"I don't know... I don't think it fits." 

"I'm sure it fits just nice," he insists, "show me." 

"Oh, uh..." 

"I'm just looking, doll, I'll only think of what I really wanna do," he snickers. 

You cross back to the bed and pick up the phone, careful to stay out of view. You turn back and prop it up on the dresser, overly aware of the unflattering angle as you do. You give a wide-eyed look and back up so you're all in frame.  

You hug yourself shyly and sway. 

"Let me see ya," he orders. 

You put your arms straight and notice how he leans in to look at the screen, smoothing his hair back. He keeps his hands over his dark strands and growls. A flutter starts in your stomach. 

"What do you mean too small? That fits your perfect," he says. 

"I... really?" 

"Sure, doll," he turns and you realise he's getting ready.  

He combs his hair stands straight. He grabs a new shirt and buttons it as he peeks again. You near the camera and move it so he can only see your face.  

"Damn, doll, I'm gonna be all over the place," he says, "you're so sweet and sexy." 

"Bucky," you squeak.  

"I don't lie. That's the one thing you should know about me. I will always let you know exactly what I want." 

You blush hotly and a tap on the door nearly makes you drop the phone. You hide it behind you and shuffle closer. You clear your throat. 

"Uh, yeah?" You call through. 

"Hey, honey, everything okay in there?" She asks. Shoot, she must have heard you. 

"I'm watching something," your heart hammers, "sorry, I'll turn it down."

"It's alright, honey. Just thought I heard you..."

"No, just a show," you wisp out.

You quickly back away and go as far from the door as you can. You look down at the phone as Bucky tucks in his shirt. Ugh, that was embarrassing. He heard all that; surely he must realise how lame you are. 

"Mom sounds real sweet," he says, "must be where you get it." 

"She's working tomorrow. Don't wanna keep her up," you explain quietly. 

"That's too bad, doll. I'll just have to keep waiting... wanting," he shrugs and pulls on a dark jacket, "what do ya think? Look good?" 

He poses for the camera. He looks great, as always. You feel smaller than ever. 

"Yes," you answer softly. 

"Yes? That's it?" He sounds disappointed. 

"Very handsome," you eke out. 

"Handsome?" He squints as he picks up the phone. 

"Er," you search your repertoire and borrow from his, "sexy?" 

"Are you asking or telling me?" He chuckles. 

You giggle. You don't think you've ever told anyone they are sexy. You've never been that bold. 

"Yes." 

"Yes?" He laughs. 

"You're, er, oh, sexy," you touch your hot cheek and look away. 

"You are adorable, doll," he growls, "that's exactly what I need to hear." He grazes his fingertips over his beard, "unfortunately I gotta get on it so... tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow," you confirm. 

"Don't worry about a thing, doll, just bring your gorgeous self." 

🃏

The next day is restless. It's worse having hours to wait around for... what? You don't know. 

You spend your time reading, or trying to. Breakfast is small, what your roiling stomach can handle, and you put on an outfit that you think is acceptable, not that you have much to choose from. It might be strange if your mom or Roxie notice the lack of uniform. You could say you change at work? 

Ugh, lie after lie. It's all so much.  

You don't get very far in the book and your phone buzzes, a reminder from Bucky that your fate is coming. You grab your purse and sit out on the stoop, the sunlight beaming down. It would be a nice say if you were so damn uptight. 

Merv pulls up in the sleek luxury car and you get up, checking over your shoulder to see if there's any curious tug on the curtain. Your mom's already at work but Roxie is puttering around somewhere. She could be sleeping or not. 

Merv gets out to greet you. He opens the door and you thank him. He sits in the driver's seat and Springsteen drones from the radio. You smile as he shifts into gear. 

"I know this one," you say. 

"Of course, a classic," he praises. "And how are you today, miss?" 

"Good, you, sir?" 

He laughs as he steers, "very good, miss. And how could I not be." He peeks at you in the rear view, "with sunshine in my backseat." 

You smile bashfully and cross your legs. You can't help the shake in your foot. You're more and more nervous with each second and turn of the wheel. 

As if noticing your unease, he turns up the music, "I like this one too." 

You sigh and ease into the drumbeat. The tempo keeps your heartbeat in check. You're thankful for his subtle comfort. 

You turn to watch through the tinted windows. You never noticed how scenic this city is. You never went many places to have the chance. 

He keeps the volume up and you let it carry you through the long journey across the city. He pulls up to the casino and steers around to the hotel entrance. You peer through then back at him in confusion. He turns the knob down. 

"Mr. Barnes says to give your name at the desk," Merv instructs, "have a good day." 

"Thanks, you too," you unbuckle the seat belt and sidle across to the door. 

You get out with reticence. Staring up at the grand facade, you're more unsure than you've ever been. You've come this far, you have to keep going. You really have no choice as Merv slowly rolls away.  

You step forward. It doesn't get easier the further you get. Your pulse hammers behind your ear as you enter the lobby and a flash of deja vu overcomes you. That night with Roxie, the morning after, and everything since. How does it all feel as if it happened so fast and yet so long ago? 

You go to the desk, feeling entirely out of place. What if Merv is wrong and you shouldn't be there? What if they just look at you and laugh? No choice, keep going. 

You stop on the other side of the desk and give a stiff smile. 

"Hello, welcome, checking in?" The modelesque concierge asks. She's stunning and you're all the more self-aware. 

"Uh, I think? My name is..." 

She keeps her pristine smile in place and her eyes lights up. She doesn't even bother typing into her computer. She flits away and returns with one of little folders with the room keys inside. Oh, this is really happening. 

You thank her and slowly back away. You make a slow advance towards the elevator and wait beside a couple with their suitcases. You step on with them, avoiding a glimpse through the transparent walls.  

You unfold the folio and read the number, pushing the floor number, then stand back on your heels. You keep your eyes on the door, the motion alone making you dizzy. 

The couple gets off before you. When it's your floor, you thankfully scramble off and take a deep breath. You once more check the number and follow the hallways to your assigned suite. 

You swipe the card several times, you still don't have the hang of it. The door opens and you enter meekly. You focus on every move. Shut the door, slip the card back in the folder, put it down on the corner table. 

You look up at last and let yourself marvel at the suite as you delve further in. The smell of pollen greets you with a large bouquet of roses. The suite is huge, even bigger than last time. Two rooms just the same and a full kitchenette and spacious bathroom. You don't go onto the balcony, not wanting to test your stomach. 

You go back inside and glance over the table draped in a red tablecloth beneath the crystal vase of flowers. There's also a tray of chocolate-dipped strawberries and various colours of macarons. You've never had the delicate cookies before but you'd watch countless recipe videos, wishing on day to try them yourself. 

There's an envelope too. You take it and run your nail along the sealed flap. You open it carefully and slip out the card within. 

'Enjoy yourself, doll. I'll join you shortly. B.' 

As if on cue, there's a knock on the door. Oh gosh, you're not ready. What does he mean? Join you? You hoped for a little long before... before... 

You stand frozen but when the door doesn't open itself, you go to answer it. You slowly twist the long handle and open it just a crack. You peer around the edge and blink in confusion. 

"Hello, dahling," the woman's affectation drags out her syllables, "well look at you, how precious." 

She presses on the door and you let her force her way in. You're dumbfounded. Who the heck is she? Another long-legged beauty you can't compare too. 

"Lovely hair," she remarks as she closes the door without a care, "oh, and your skin, yes, perfect canvas..." 

"Sorry, er, I think you have the wrong room--" 

"Mr. Barnes sent me, dahling," she trills in her way, "and I see you are very much in need of my visit so let's begin. Mm, yes, I have a vision," she struts forward, a rose gold chest in her hand, "not very much, you have a natural lustre I adore." 

You retreat as she advances on you. She lifts her chest onto the chaise and flips back the lid, revealing an assortment of precisely organized palettes and tubes. You're horrified and humiliated as you realise why she's there. Maybe you aren't as pretty as Bucky keeps telling you. 

[aniesvision]

𝟔- 𝑨𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒕

𐂃 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘 𝚡 𝙲𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜'𝚜 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕, 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝒋𝒆𝒓𝒌, 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕'𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒂 𝒋𝒆𝒓𝒌, 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒂 𝒋𝒆𝒓𝒌 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊 𝒈𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒏𝒕, 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒕, 𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝒇! 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝒗, 𝒑𝒆𝒕 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 (𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕, 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚, 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍), 𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈

𝚊/𝚗: 𝒍𝒆𝒕'𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒂, 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 ☕︎

𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅, 𝑴𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒑𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏

thanks for the idea mommy @starnoirr ;)

-You know what? Fuck you, Chris, you're a fucking asshole sometimes. -I say, throwing my hands in the air in frustration and walking away from his room.

The tears kept rolling as I made my way to the front door, rushing to my car and taking a few deep breaths to calm down before driving off.

The fact is: I love Chris, with all my heart, with all my body, with everything in me, but lately he's just being a lot more difficult to deal with.

He's always been childish, not all the time, but it's part of his personality to be goofy. I don't mind, I really don't, but I've been going through a lot recently and needed support, I guess he didn't realize I was so annoyed and kept joking around.

It took me long enough to react, I was already beyond stressed and he wasn't aware of how bad the situation was until I snapped. I'd tried to vent about my work problems and my lack of self-esteem, I felt like a mess and I wanted to be heard, to let go of the weight on my chest that has been consuming me. But Chris laughed, finding it so funny to hear me mispronouncing a stupid word that wasn't even important to what I was saying.

I confess that maybe I overreacted. He was just being his goofy self and I was irritated, which led us into a huge fight and me running away.

I couldn't help it though. As soon as I feel the comfort of my bed I let the frustration go. I cry, and cry, and cry. My head was already starting to hurt, my body was getting tired, I could barely keep my eyes open and I was for sure dehydrated.

I only get out of bed to take a quick shower, trying to put myself back together. It's unreal how feeling a cascade of warm water helps, I felt clean after thinking for so long that I was a mess. I wrap the towel around my body, brushing my wet hair and my teeth. I was about to do a simple skincare, since the salty tears made my skin feel dry, but I heard the intercom ringing.

I sigh, thinking it's Chris so I don't even waste time putting on some clothes first. I walk to the front door, keeping my head down and opening it.

-Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. -I say, before he can even speak, but as soon as I look up his eyes aren't exactly his.

-You didn't, but apology accepted. -Matt says, letting himself in.

I furrow my eyebrows, confused to see him there, but I close and lock the door before anyone else can see me just in a towel.

-What are you doing here? -I ask, holding onto the towel as if my life depended on it.

Matt was holding a small plastic bag and he wasn't so discreet eyeing me up and down, but I just waited for a response without thinking too much about it.

-Chris asked me to give you this. -He hands me the bag. -And to check on you.

I open the bag seeing that I forgot my hoodie at their house. It makes me remember the fight we had and I almost let tears fall all over again, but I guess there was none left since I couldn't even do it.

-Thanks. -I whisper, throwing the plastic bag on the kitchen counter and walking to my room.

Matt follows behind me, watching as I throw the hoodie on my bed and sit next to it.

-How are you feeling, kid? -He asks, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms, looking at me with concern.

I look up at him, biting my lips nervously as I think.

-I don't know. Sad? -I answer it with another question, like somehow Matt would know me better than myself.

Matt was the first out of the three that I became friends with, but since I started dating Chris we stopped hanging out so much. Unfortunately, the idea of him knowing me better than myself wasn't so far away from the truth.

He smiles, taking a few steps closer and taking a seat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I rest my head against his shoulder, taking a deep breath, feeling his fingertips drawing circles on my arm.

-What did he do this time? -He asks, making me giggle at his tone.

-I guess nothing wrong. I was stressed out and annoyed with work and I wanted to talk with someone about it, but he kept making jokes and irritating me so I yelled at him and we kind of had a fight.

Matt lifts his hand to run his fingers through my wet hair, letting me talk as much as I wanted to.

-And I wanted him to pay attention because I was also venting about how insecure I've been feeling lately. -I sigh, playing with the end of the towel that was sitting on my thighs.

-Insecure about what? -His tone sounded surprised, like he didn't expect me to feel this way, which was slightly funny in some sort of way.

-I don't know, my body, my face. I just haven't felt pretty in a while. -I shrug, looking up at him.

Matt shakes his head, his free hand grabbing my jaw as the other leaves my hair and shoulder to stay behind my back, keeping him propped up. He looks at me, tilting my head so I am looking at him too.

-Don't ever think that of yourself. You're beautiful, your body is beautiful, and if you don't see that you're fucking blind.

I smile, ready to say something back, but he keeps going.

-And if Chris is stupid to let you think that about yourself without telling you how pretty you are, then maybe he's not good enough for you.

I feel immediately nervous with this sentence. I mean, yes it's been a while since Chris last complimented me, but he's not the one to blame, right?

I start to think about it, one of the reasons I haven't been feeling so pretty is because he wasn't saying anything like he used to. When we started dating he'd tell me so many times that I was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, and now that we have been together for a while he's not saying anything anymore. At least, not beside the pet names, but it doesn't really count if it's so automatic.

-He wasn't listening, that's all. -I try to defend him, unsure of what to think but still wanting to keep things understandable.

Matt looks at me like he knows exactly what is going on in my head, his eyes flicking between mine as a sarcastic smirk grows on his face. He tilts his head to the side, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

-C'mon, you don't even believe it. He should've been listening, if you're venting about your feelings no one should be joking around, that's messed up.

He was right, and just like that I had nothing to say. Matt's eyes proceeded to follow my emotions, he was reading me like a book and he gave me a few seconds to think. His hand slides to the back of my head and I let my head fall down, my eyes now focused on the towel again.

-When was the last time he made you feel good? -Matt breaks the silence with an almost whispered sentence that made my eyes widen.

-What? -I ask, laughing through my nose like it was a joke, lifting my head to look at him and study his expressions.

-You heard me. -He moves a strand of my hair behind my ear.

-You mean... -I started, to make sure I was thinking about the same thing as him.

-The last time he made you cum. -He completes.

My heart beat like crazy, I was way too vulnerable to think straight. I know I shouldn't be talking about something so personal and private with my boyfriend's brother, but at the same time he was actually listening, he was right there willing to hear me and that was all I wanted, all I needed. Chris didn't, he made jokes, didn't make me feel better and we had an argument.

-Uhm, I don't know, a few weeks ago? -I answer him nervously.

It was clear that I was reluctant about this topic and he was quick to notice it.

-Weeks? That's why you're so stressed out, sweetheart. -He giggles, gripping the back of my hair lightly.

I had to look away from him for a second. It was like he was telling me all the things I was too blind to see. Maybe he does have a valid point. Chris hadn't demonstrated any interest in sex for the last three weeks. I didn't mind at first, but it was a bit frustrating now. I didn't want to assume anything and of course I would never get mad at him for not wanting to do it, but he wasn't even making any effort to at least make me feel pretty and important.

-He doesn't want to. -I whisper, ashamed that I was confessing to Matt that my boyfriend, which is his brother, doesn't want to fuck me.

His eyes widen a bit before he laughs without any humor. He looked at me like I said something disappointing and I felt my cheeks burning.

-He's fucking stupid.

I clear my throat, adjusting myself on my spot and using one hand to hold the towel harder against my body. His eyes drop to my hand and the other holding him up moves closer. He lets the other hand drop to my thigh, caressing it lightly.

-I bet I can make you feel good.

My heart skips numerous beats and I feel myself freezing with his suggestion. This is wrong, so wrong. Chris sent him here, and it already makes me upset that he didn't come here himself, Chris is his brother, Matt's my friend, Matt actually listened, Matt actually cares, Chris is not making me feel good about myself.

-Don't say that. -I whisper back, feeling his hand moving further up.

I was so confused and feeling so many emotions that I couldn't think, speak and react at the same time, so as I was watching his hand move he leaned closer to whisper in my ear.

-Why? Because you know I can?

I was overwhelmed. I close my eyes as if it was going to solve everything, breathing heavily and still holding the towel.

Matt starts to prep kisses on my neck slowly, as if he was testing the waters, his lips sending a shiver down my spine. He continues kissing my skin as his hand squeezes my inner thigh, so close to a part that he shouldn't be touching.

-Matt, this is not right. -I say, using my voice to try to keep me on track, but I still can't move, or at least that's what I'm convincing myself so I won't feel worse for not even trying to stop him.

-I know. But you feeling insecure and unwanted is not right as well. -He replies, and for some reason I believe him.

It all happened so fast, first I was trying to convince myself that this was not a good idea, then just a few seconds later the towel covering my body was on the floor, Matt was on his knees holding my thighs and keeping my legs over his shoulders as he ate me out.

I knew I needed to stop that, to end whatever it was, but the feeling of Matt's tongue working on my clit was unreal. He was so good, and it's been so long since I felt this way that I couldn't stop.

I tried my hardest not to make any sounds, to not react so much, but it was impossible, my moans flew naturally and my hand in his hair pulled him impossibly closer.

-So good, pretty girl, could do this all day.

His words made me whine, Chris was usually a degrading kind of guy, but hearing Matt talking like this made me wonder what I truly liked.

He smirked against my pussy, pulling away just to slide his middle finger in. His finger and his tongue worked together magically, making me moan loudly. I could already feel an orgasm building up and he noticed I was close.

-Give it to me, you deserve it, sweetheart.

His words were enough to make me get there, my juices dripping down his chin. He licks me clean, slipping off his finger and wiping his chin with the top of his hand.

I was panting with my eyes barely open, my legs shaking when he took them off his shoulders. He chuckles at my state, crawling on top of me and hovering over my naked body, looking down at me.

-Was that good? -He asks, cockily. He already knew the answer.

I roll my eyes with a small smile, covering my eyes with my hands in embarrassment.

-Can I make you feel even better? -He asks, using one hand to uncover my eyes and interlace our fingers.

Without thinking too much I nod. He captures my lips in a kiss, making me taste myself. The kiss was gentle, but intense, and I could feel his bulge growing harder. He's even quicker to take off his clothes than he was to unwrap the towel from my body and in a matter of seconds he was teasing my sensitive pussy with his tip.

Before he could do anything else, my phone rang. I feel frustrated all over again, but when Matt reaches for it and smirks at the screen I knew I was fucked.

-Answer it. -He demands, giving me a look I've never seen before but somehow got me wetter.

I bite my lips, turning my head to see Chris's contact on the screen. I sigh, giving Matt another look but he immediately answers the call and places the phone against my ear, giving me no choice. He kept holding the phone with one hand and went back to teasing me with his tip.

-Hello? -I hear Chris's voice and I can't help but feel weird.

-Hey. -I say, trying to regulate my breathing.

-Hey, baby. It's getting late and I'm about to go to bed, I don't want to go to sleep with you being mad at me so I decided to call.

His voice was calm, but didn't have the softness to it, it didn't have any emotions showing but the tiredness.

Just as I was about to respond, Matt thrusts all of him at once, giving me no time to think before a moan escaped my lips. Matt had a clear smirk on his face and I could've punched him if I wasn't so concentrated on making the phone call seem normal.

-What was that? Are you okay? -Chris asks from the other side of the line and I take a deep breath.

-Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just hit my toe on the bed, but I'm fine. And don't worry I'm not mad at you.

I bite my lips when I feel Matt starting to move, keeping a slow pace that was driving me insane. He felt so good and the slight burning sensation soon turned into pleasure.

-Oh, okay, well, I'm sorry. Also, I won't be able to see you tomorrow, I have plans already, but we can plan something later, alright?

It was getting harder and harder to understand anything Chris was saying, I just wanted the call to be over. Matt started to move faster, his free hand squeezing one of my boobs.

-Yeah, fuck, yes, okay. -I say, sounding in a rush.

Matt chuckles silently, lifting my leg to hit a deeper spot and I had to bite my lips harshly to keep myself quiet.

-Uh, okay, I'll go to sleep now, love you, bye.

I look at Matt, already feeling another orgasm coming.

-Love you too, bye. -I rush to say, ending the call and pulling Matt into another kiss.

He kisses me hungrily this time, sliding in his tongue. I moan against his lips and he teasingly pulls back.

-So he's got plans tomorrow, huh? -He asks, mentioning what Chris said on the call.

He slides one hand between our bodies to rub my clit, his fingers adding to the pleasure and making my arch back with how intense it was.

-Y-yes. -I moan a response and he laughs.

I was so close, the knot in my stomach just about to snap.

-Guess I'll be coming back tomorrow then.

I don't even have time to think about a response, the knot snapping and making me release on his dick, my moans echoing through the room. His name went out of my lips like a mantra and he rode down my high, pulling off and painting my stomach with his seed.

He collapses next to me on the bed. We waited until we were a bit calmer and he looked at me, making me look at him back. He smiles at me, pecking my lips and cupping one of my cheeks.

-So, tomorrow? -He asks, making me laugh and playfully roll my eyes.

-Yes, Matt. -I answer, his smile growing.

This is probably a terrible mistake, but the way I feel now is incomparable to what I was feeling for the past weeks, I need to feel good again.

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 ✍︎

➪ @riowritesitall @mattsfavbigtitties @sturniolosarethebest @hyacinthst @flow3rsturns13 @sturncakez @watercolorskyy @delooshunalhoe @sarosfilms @blahbel668 @sturniyolo69 @sturniolosl0t @sturnsxbitvh @colbsposts00 @fallingforfalll2 @stvrnmc @starnoirr @katie-tibo @sturnioloblues @monroesturnns @mattnchrisworld @shaquilles-0atmeal @fratbrochrisgf @dayzeandhaze @sharkcat1928 @phimstarz @h3arts4harry @s1ut4chris @star-yawnznn @asherrisrandom @pip4444chris @jupiter1700

[wand3rlustm3]

can you do best friend txt x reader confessing love for each other with a bunch of tooth rotting fluff/smut 🙏🙏🙏 (sorry if this isn’t very detailed i’m very tired 😭) love your work btw 🫶🫶🫶

Writer's Note: Thank you so so much, anonnie <333 I love you and appreciate your kind words very, very much. I'm so sorry for my late response, I actually saved this in my drafts a long time ago and forgot to post it. I am sorry if this isn't what you asked for, if you want me to change it I will happily do so, also I will upload part 2 soon! :)

Warnings: angst :( SORRY, fluff, smut :3

CONFESSIONS OF AN ANGEL Pt 1.

Soobin

It seemed like these days you couldn't get through to him no matter what, It just didn't make sense. Why was he actively going out of his way to avoid you? You missed him, you missed his presence, you missed every ounce of him because being with him became a habit. It was to the point where your other friends kept asking you where he is, and you were tired of answering with the same, "he seems like he got busy"—a blatant lie to keep others assuming that your best friend is not even your friend anymore.

Soobin seemed to find any and every excuse, but it wasn't because he hated you. It was because of the very opposite, he knew that if he was around you for any longer, he simply couldn't take it. He'd have to confess to you that his feelings are much deeper than the feelings a person should feel toward their best friend, and he didn't want to ruin what he already had with you. In that fear, he'd coop up in his apartment and scratch his head at the many questions dabbling in his head. What if you didn't love him back? What if you'd be disgusted at his advances and find him creepy? What if— just too many "what ifs".

So at this point, you had to take matters into your own hands and angrily drag yourself to the doorstep of his apartment demanding an explanation. You were not letting him off so easily, there was no way that you'd let someone like him go without an explanation. So logically, you knock on the door multiple times, but since he doesn't open it, you speak through the door.

"Soobin, open the door. I need to talk to you right now. I don't know what's happened between us but you need to explain to me if I did anything wrong since the past two weeks you've been ignoring me. You haven't responded to a single message I've sent you, you haven't even been taking care of our cute little digital pet, you haven't even reached out once or at least told me what happened. Not only am I worried about you, but I'm scared that I'll lose you..." you spoke with a strong tone, but your voice cracked at the end and Soobin could just tell that you were going to cry.

"Y/n—please, go home." Soobin attempted to respond in a monotone voice, but you heard his voice shake as well.

Hot tears begin to roll down your face at his response. "Am I that terrible—? A- am I that terrible that you won't even say goodbye?" You stutter and speak through your light sob.

In that moment, Soobin can't control himself anymore. He pulls the door open as fast as he can and he pulls you into the tightest embrace. His strong arms wrap around you almost as if you'd slip away any moment, and he only lets go of you to put a hand over your chin to tilt your face upwards to him. "Y/n, it's actually the complete opposite. I'm so sorry, I'm an absolute idiot, aren't I? I didn't avoid you because I hated you, I've been avoiding you because—well, because I love you more than a best friend, I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I was scared that I'd lose everything I already had with you. So please, just....don't leave me y/n." His voice was shaking and there were tears rolling down his face.

You gently hit him in the chest and cry into the nook of his shoulder. There could be no better situation for you than for him to be in love with you, someone as perfect as him and kind could only be seen in fictional settings.

You speak as you sniffle, "Soobin, I love you too."

So the next thing you feel is his large hands gently cupping your cheeks as he leans down into you for a kiss. It's salty and sweet because of the tears that you taste on him, and you don't let go. It's almost as if your lips were made to mold together, as if your entire life—this is where you were supposed to end up, in his arms.

"I need to make you mine, please y/n?" Soobin breathed out as the bulge in his jeans became more evident as he grinded against you. His sexual frustration had been evident from his feelings being pent up for so long.

"Please take me, Soobin. I've been yours all along." You softly smile at him as you peer up at him. He makes you wrap your legs around his waist as he pushes you to the nearest wall, kissing down your neck as he deftly removes each piece of clothing of yours. He gently puts you on the ground only as he removes the last piece of clothing he has, until you're wrapped around his waist once again.

"You're soaking wet for me, y/n. A- ahhh, feels like—fuuuuck....feels like you were made for me." Soobin moans out as he dives his cock into you.

"Nnghhhh...soob please— I'm so close..."

"I'm—I am close as well...Cum with me y/n. Please baby, please do it for me. I love you, I love you so much, can't mmmh- can't live without you y/n..." Soobin almost begs you as he holds you so tight.

You're unable to register when it happened, but all you could see was white as you came all over his cock. His cum dripped out of you and down his cock as he was still inside. The warm spurts of his cum filling you up as his hips stutter and buck into you.

"You know that I can't live without you either, Soobin." You say as you kiss him once again.

Yeonjun

You had always known that your best friend was popular with girls since whenever you'd go around with him, you'd notice the nasty stares the girls would give you even more than usual.

There was an abundance of whispers that were intentionally loud enough for you to hear implying that you weren't good enough to be with him, and even more who would silently judge you. But, you'd brush it off since you were his best friend anyways. It had absolutely nothing to do with you, and could bother you less, but you had Yeonjun by your side and there's nothing more you could ask for. He was available at every call and beckon of yours, and neither of you questioned it. It was almost like it came to him naturally.

What you'd not understand is why so many people thought you were a couple when you were simply best friends. If only you'd have noticed the glimmer in his eyes and how they'd soften each time they landed upon your beautiful features. How his fingers would wrap around yours tighter when you'd walk across the crosswalk, or simply the change in his expression when he'd notice other men staring at you. Yeonjun realized that you're absolutely clueless to his feelings, despite thinking that he made it obvious.

Regardless, when you go to your favorite café to pick up your order, you suggest a way to pass the time quicker.

"Junnie, Let's have a staring contest! Winner gets to bake something and loser gets to wash the dishes, okay?" You speak in an excited tone, he wishes to express how he loves when your voice goes up a few decibels simply because of how excited you are, but he sticks with giving you a pretty smile of adoration instead.

"Okay y/n—1, 2.....3, start." He gently speaks as he intertwines his hands with yours and looks into your eyes. The both of you not blinking as you sit quietly in the middle of the café, easily being mistaken for a couple by any passerby once again. But, Yeonjun gets an idea to kill two birds with one stone. His expression softens even further, as he pulls the back of your hand to your lips and gives it a kiss.

"You drive me crazy, y/n." Yeonjun says.

And somehow, you start blinking to piece together what he means. He's told you he loves you before but not like this, he's kissed the back of your wrist lovingly, but not like this.

"W- what, what do you mean junnie?" You stumble over your words out of curiosity and shock.

"I mean it. I love you y/n, I want you to be the woman I wake up to every morning. I can't keep hiding my feelings for you anymore, I have to come clean and tell you the truth. I don't know how—but you never notice the smile on my face whenever someone asks if we're dating fade as you quickly call me your best friend. It's almost as if it's a horrible reality check, and I can't keep living like this. I want you to be my woman, I want you to be proud when you're walking with me on the street. And, more importantly, I need you." Yeonjun softly speaks to you as if every word of his was coated in honey, sweet and soothing.

The ride back to your home was extremely quiet and Yeonjun was as patient as he could be with you who were still shy from his confession. You hadn't uttered a word from that moment, and your face was hot to touch. After you got home, Yeonjun was afraid that he might have made the wrong move by confessing to you so suddenly. He didn't want to push you away. So, he slowly opened the door to peer into your room to ask if you're okay and apologize if it was out of line of him to say what he said.

"Y/n? Is everything okay? Did I make you uncomfortable?" He spoke with his signature pout on his plush lips in a sulky tone as he sat down onto your bed.

"I'm sorry for worrying you, I mean— junnie, it's just that I'm shocked—b- but in a good way! I d- didn't think y- you meant it in that way—" You stutter and the words stick to your tongue as if they're afraid to come out. But, Yeonjun's attentive eyes that have studied your expressions for so long know exactly what you're trying to say.

"Y/n, can i kiss you?" Yeonjun politely asks with the cutest smile on his face.

You simply nod yes, and that's enough for his lips to be on yours. As his lips slot right into yours, he drinks the taste of you in as if you were the most expensive and rare bottle of alcohol, he gets drunk off of you fast and can't seem to get enough. "Y/n....fuck. I've been waiting so long to tell you, I can't seem to get enough of you mmmh..." He speaks between his kisses.

"Junnie...please..." You say as you squeeze your thighs together now that he's hovering above you. "My baby wants me to take care of her? I've got you my love." Yeonjun knows all of your sensitive spots as he kisses them, making you feel a way only he can. Something so special behind each kiss he leaves behind, every kiss different from the previous. Yeonjun slowly lifts the hem of your shirt and looks into your eyes to check if there's any signs of hesitation, only taking it off when he knows you really want him as well.

Once all of your clothes are off, Yeonjun places you in his lap straddling him. His belt undone as he lifts his hips to rid himself of the confinement that are his stiff jeans, giving his boner no place to breathe. You drip onto his cock as he splits you apart with his hands tightly gripping your hips, slowly moving you up and down on him. "Mmmh—junnie...can't take it anymore!" You plead, and Yeonjun understands as he speeds up and bucks into you to match the way your hips move on him.

"Fuck baby—m' all yours...give it to me. Give me everything, you're mine—nnngh!" Yeonjun grunts as he spills into you, and you feel fuller than ever. You remain in his lap even as you shake in his embrace, so safe and so happy. And most importantly, you're all his, and he's all yours.

Beomgyu

Beomgyu and you had a lot of history, I mean, you basically knew him your whole life. If anything, you've memorized every expression, every tinge of emotion, every sarcastic comment, and most of all, his way of being himself. You couldn't tell if it was your intuition or what, but you felt as if something had shifted between you and Beomgyu. It wasn't that he was acting any differently— he was still beating you at every single game you played with that classic cocky smirk on his face, he was making you laugh just as much, and everything was the same. You brush it off as simply overthinking and change the topic, "Gyu! Give me your controller, the player one title is putting you at an advantage!!!".

"What if I said sitting next to you is already putting me at a disadvantage?" Beomgyu looked into your eyes and said it in his usual tone, so why did it make you so sad? It made no sense.

"W- What do you mean, gyu? Do you want me to sit somewhere else? I can g-" You sulk and say as you shift away from him on the loveseat you sat on, until you feel a warm hand gently but firmly grasp your wrist. With the stern look on his face, tears threaten to spill from your glistening eyes. "Gyu— please...I'm sorry for being annoying, I'm sorry for sitting next to you and being so loud, I'm sorry for being annoying, I'm sorry—"

"Y/n, no— that's not what I– just please stop crying, baby"

The silence in the room was so thick that you could almost hear your teardrop fall down your face. Did he just call you baby? Were you hearing things now? Beomgyu mentally cursed himself multiple times because, firstly, he made you cry. Secondly, he just accidentally (on purpose) called you baby.

"G- Gyu? D- Did you just—" You ask until your words are cut off by the feeling of Beomgyu's lips on yours. They're so soft and you forget why you were crying. You believe that if heaven had a feeling, it would feel something like this. Beomgyu reluctantly pulls back to finally tell you what he's wanted to for years now.

"You always talk too much, think too much, and jump to conclusions. why can't you just listen for once? I said it's a disadvantage to sit next to you because I can't focus on the TV screen, your eyes suck me in like some black hole and i just can't look away from all of those cute expressions you always make when you can't win against me. And, it's not even that, I lose my mind each time you call me by my nickname. You don't even know what you do to me." Beomgyu's hand lightly snakes up the side of your face as he wipes your tears away with his thumb. "Please stop torturing me, I need you to be mine."

You give him the same smile you did when you both first met long ago, and he swears that he feels exactly the same he did, he never seemed to get used to how it seemed like you were made for him. "Then why did you not give me a hug properly earlier? I've been thinking you're angry at me." You speak between sniffles.

"It's because I can't stand it when your body is pressed against mine, It physically hurts to feel how warm and soft you are and not be able to have all of you." Beomgyu spoke in a serious tone while looking into your eyes hazily. You felt horrible now, because you now realize why he always has a pillow on his lap when he comes over.

"Gyu m' sorry, let me make it up to you", with the cutest look in your eyes, you drop to your knees and get on the ground in front of the loveseat. It wasn't out of guilt or pressure, you just felt pathetic because you knew how frustrating it was to try to get yourself off after he left as you moaned out his name. "Y/n...." Beomgyu sighed.

As you sit eye level with his hips, you realize how bad it was for him, only making you move faster as you unzip his pants and pull out his leaking cock from the confines of his underwear. Your hand strokes him a few times as he lets out whiney moans while you continue your ministrations. "Ahhhh y/n mmh, fuck" Beomgyu moans out as you take him into your mouth as your tongue traces the veins on his cock as if to memorize those as well.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuck. Oh my god. My fucking woman, my goooood, my pretty baby...hah—gonna fuckin cum. Take every last drop.....take it. take it. take it fuuuuuckkkk." His hands lace into your hair, somehow using the last bit of self control he has left to not start fucking into your throat. You continue bobbing your head as you suck him dry and swallow every single drop. Beomgyu's mind foggy, but only with the idea of how he's going to make sure you know how many feelings he's been holding to be exact.

"I'm going to show you just what you mean to me, baby."

-

\(>_<)/ ty for reading

[callme-holly]

Hi! Wow, do I like your writing. It's really creative and honestly makes me so happy. I was wondering if I could request like what a sleepy morning with Dallas would look like? I just feel like he'd be super clingy when he's half awake, you know?

Anyways! Love your writing and keep doing you🤩

𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐲 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 [𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫]

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 - so sorry that this took me so long to get back to - I've been swamped with revision lately and stress levels have been high. I will try my best to get round to all the requests in my inbox but updates might be a little slow. As always my asks are still open for requests!! 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 1.2k words 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - none

The room is surprisingly cool despite the fact that it is mid-summer; the temperature is already hovering on the borderline of unbearable as the sun slowly creeps up into view over the horizon.

At some point in the night, the thin sheet that Dallas keeps draped over your bodies has been lost, sitting in a crumpled heap on the hardwood floor below, forgotten and discarded, leaving you both exposed to the harsh rays of light seeping in through the window. 

Dallas is lying on his side, curled towards you, one arm slung loosely around your waist in a protective gesture, his body radiating warmth against yours. His hair falls in light wisps, framing his face, and for once he looks peaceful, that wall he always puts between himself and everyone else falling away in sleep. It's a rare sight, indeed, to see his face wiped completely of that cocky smirk or that guarded expression that usually marres his features, but a welcome one nonetheless. 

Shifting slightly, you push yourself up onto your elbows, stretching out your limbs and groaning quietly in protest. A grunt sounds from beside you, Dallas muttering something unintelligible as he shifts closer to where you are, wrapping both arms around your torso in an attempt to pull you back down next to him, though without success. 

He seems oblivious to the time, seemingly not caring whether or not you’re late to your job, and you can’t help but run your fingers through his hair, your nails scratching gently at his scalp, in an attempt to rouse him but only earning another discontented noise response. 

“Dal,” you mumble, pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head. “I gotta get up.” But it seems that your attempts fall on deaf ears, and Dallas only pulls you closer to him, burying his face further into the crook of your neck, still refusing to budge. His lips press firmly against the bare skin of your collarbone, pecking repeatedly at the skin. 

“You ain’t goin’ nowhere today, doll,” he mumbles, his voice deep and muffled. “It’s too early.” He continues peppering kisses around your neck, his hand sliding lower, fingers teasing the hem of your shorts, and fingertips lightly dancing across your stomach.

You realise there's no point in arguing with him. He's far too stubborn for his own good, and once he’s got his mind set on something, you best believe he’s doing it. And right now, he’s decided that what he wants is you all to himself, and you aren’t going anywhere until he lets you go.

Your resolve wavers slightly when you feel his teeth graze against the skin of your throat, and a small involuntary shiver runs down your spine as a result. 

“Dallas,” you try again, pushing at the arm wrapped around your waist in a weak attempt to pry him away, resulting only in him tightening his grip on you further. 

“It’s only eight thirty,” he says, still not moving an inch from his position, his breath hot against your skin. “Your shift doesn’t start ‘til nine.” 

You let out an exasperated sigh, kissing your teeth and trying yet again to pry his arms loose, determined to still be out the door on time. “I still have to get ready. If I’m late, I’ll be fired; you know that.”

He grunts again, looking entirely unamused as he raises his head slightly to glare at you. His eyes are still heavy, glazed over with sleep, and you can’t help but chuckle fondly at the sight. 

“Just call in sick,” He mumbles, his tone almost petulant. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them." And with that, he turns over, pulling you along with him despite your feeble protests, effectively pinning you underneath him. 

For a few moments, neither of you move, just lying silently together, staring out the window at the rising sun before it finally breaches over the horizon, bathing both of you in golden light. Dallas’ hair appears almost white in its hue, like a halo encircling his head. It’s funny, really, you think; he looks so angelic in that moment, but every soul who has ever laid eyes on him knows better. Dallas Winston is certainly no angel—far from it, in fact. He’s cold, tough, and mean—a guy who takes pride in his scars and imperfections. 

You can’t help but wonder how you ended up with someone like him—someone so roughed up and hardened by the world. But then he smiles, flashing you that stupid, crooked grin that drives you crazy, making the butterflies flutter wildly in the bottom of your stomach.

“Enjoyin’ the view, doll?” He asks, his words a lazy drawl that sends a chill down your spine despite your warm cocoon beneath his strong chest.

Your cheeks flush pink, the colour standing stark against your skin, and you roll your eyes, unable to keep the smile off of your face.

“It’s alright,” You reply nonchalantly, not willing to make the greaser's head any bigger than it already is, trying your best to starve off his rapidly growing ego. The blonde gives you a wolfish grin, eyebrows raising as if waiting for you to go on.

“Just alright?” He challenges you, leaning closer so that his lips are practically brushing against your ear, his breath causing goosebumps to break out across your exposed skin. 

“Mhmm... Just alright,” You hum, forcing yourself to meet his gaze evenly, trying your best to keep your voice steady. “Now let me go.” 

You struggle to pull yourself free, but he holds fast, his grin widening and his hands sliding slowly downward, palms skimming across your sides, before coming to rest on your hips, hands rough against your soft skin. “No can do, dollface.” He offers you a helpless shrug, and if it weren’t for the smug look written all across his features, you would almost believe that he is being entirely sincere. However, you also know that he is just as troublesome as he is charming, and that being sincere is something Dallas Winston hardly ever does. 

Still, your resistance wanes after he places gentle kisses along the column of your neck and shoulder, and you can't help but melt at his touch, closing your eyes as you lean into him, allowing your head to fall backwards and resting on his broad chest, feeling the rhythmic beat of his heart. 

“Just a couple more minutes,” he mumbles, his breath fanning across your skin as he trails open-mouthed kisses up your neck, nipping playfully at your throat and grinning wildly.

“Fine,” you concede. You don’t really want to get up yet anyway, not when you could just stay here with him. Sure, you’ve now only got roughly fifteen more minutes until you have to be leaving for work, but you can cross that bridge when you get there.

For now, you want to spend these last few fleeting moments wrapped up in the thin sheet Dallas keeps draped over the both of you, relishing in the hushed silence that hangs throughout the room, rare yet forever welcome, just like these soft moments. 

They’re rare, but oh so precious, and even though this isn’t exactly how you’d imagined spending your morning, you couldn't imagine having it any other way.

𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬!!

[crownmemes]

Friendship Starters, Vol. 2

(Sentences for friends, with an assortment of feelings. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"That look in your eye is a pain in my ass. You know that, right?"

"You're an only child, aren't you?"

"Take it from me, you need some fun!"

"You're too much of a nice boy. Let's let the bad boy out for a bit!"

"What sort of trouble are you up to now, hm?"

"I've always thought of you as one of the good ones."

"It's my birthday today."

"Now, whatever you do, don't get excited."

"You know, you don't have to keep humouring me like this."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Is it your plan to stay a while?"

"Do you remember the day we met?"

"What I don't understand is why my best friend can't be happy for me!"

"Oh, I was going to say, we should do something for your birthday! A proper party!"

"You know I'll find out what you're up to, don't you?"

"You have to admit that your social life has been a bit anaemic as of late."

"I'm your best friend, and half the time, I don't understand you!"

"You're more like him than you want to admit."

"I just wanted to be your friend."

"If you'd like, you could stay here"

"I was wondering when you'd grow bored of ignoring my calls!"

"Never would have figured you for a motorcycle guy."

"Is everything okay? You seem annoyed about something."

"Is that what we are? Friends?"

"Am I ever going to live this down?"

"I'm sorry my mum asked so many rude questions. Don't take it personally."

"You know, in some cultures, it’s considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another."

"You value our friendship more than your ethical responsibilities."

"Are you going to ignore me all day again?"

"Hey, you know what you need? A night out on the town!"

"Why are you being weird with me again? I thought we weren't doing that anymore."

"We've always done things together. Why does that suddenly have to stop?"

"You're trying to objectively measure how much I value our friendship?"

"Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way."

"Let's play truth or dare!"

"We make rather a good team, you and I."

[poisonlove]

Can I have a request!? Jenna Ortega x Fem!Readder

"so.. you're just going to.. give up on me." "that is NOT what i meant-" "you're not willing to fight for me either. i think it's pretty clear, Y/n."

Credits to: urfriendlywriter

-Thank you!

FIGHT | j.o

Pairing: Jenna Ortega X reader

Status: request

Warning: fluffy

The distance was becoming difficult to bear.

Jenna was in Romania for the filming of 'Wednesday,' and our relationship was feeling the strain. Her messages were becoming rarer, and our calls, though filled with love, were always too brief.

I was in Italy, far from her, and the emptiness I felt was growing each day.

My eyes were fixed on the screen of my phone, waiting for Jenna's response: would she be up for a Skype video call?I nervously bit my lower lip, palms sweating. I wanted to see her and talk to her about... us. I don't want to seem selfish; I know how hard she's working, often late into the night... but is it too much to ask for a simple good morning every now and then?

I was even considering the idea of taking a break, not because I don't love her, but maybe it would be one less thing for her to worry about.

Jen❤️Call

I quickly skimmed my girlfriend's message and tapped on the Skype icon, calling Jenna.

After three rings, Jenna picked up.

Jenna's tired face appeared on the screen. "Hey, Amore" she said with a smile, "how are you?"

I looked sadly into her sleep-deprived eyes, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me.

I'm a horrible person.

I tried to smile, but the worry was evident in my eyes. "Hi Jen," I replied, forcing the corners of my lips into a smile.

"Everything okay, Amore?" Jenna responded with concern, likely noticing my obviously fake smile.

Of course she noticed, she's an actress.

"I can't wait to come home and hold you," she added, looking at me with total admiration, her brown eyes sparkling uniquely. I played with my fingers, looking down at my legs feeling the weight of the words I needed to say.

I took a deep breath.

"Jenna, we need to talk about how things are going between us," I said, wanting to get to the point.

I felt my heart pounding in my chest, every word charged with tension.

Jenna immediately noticed the seriousness in my voice. Her smile faded.

"What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" I looked up and saw her expression change from happy to deeply troubled, her teeth biting her lower lip forcefully.

"No, you didn't say anything wrong," I replied, trying to stay calm despite the anxiety growing inside me."It's just that... it feels like we're drifting further apart. Your messages are rare, and the calls, as lovely as they are, are too short. I feel neglected," I timidly confessed, feeling my voice tremble.

Jenna sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"I know, and I'm sorry. The work here is grueling, and I try to make time for us, but it's not enough." Her smile returned, but it was forced. "Three more months and I'll be with you," she said calmly, her tone hopeful but tinged with despair.

"It's not just about time, Jenna," I continued, tears welling up behind my eyes. "It's that I feel like I'm not a priority to you anymore." I confessed, feeling the knot in my throat tighten.

Jenna looked at me with genuine concern.

"Don't say that. You're the most important thing to me," she said, looking at me sadly, her eyes watery. I could see the pain reflected in her eyes, and it broke my heart.

Jenna hates seeing me cry; it makes her sad.

"Then why don't you show it?" I snapped, my voice trembling with emotion. "I love you, Jenna, but I can't keep feeling this alone," I said angrily, sadness mixing with the rest of my emotions.

Jenna clenched her fists, frustration evident on her face.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is for me? I've been working for hours, learning scripts, shooting grueling scenes. I'm exhausted!" Jenna looked at me with anger, gritting her teeth. I could see the fatigue and frustration building up inside her like a volcano about to erupt.

"It's never enough for you, is it? You always want more," she said with frustration, her voice cracking.

Ouch. I felt her words like a stab in the gut.

"I don't deny that," I retorted, "but I can't ignore feeling neglected. Even a simple message once in a while would make a difference." I suggested, feeling the anxiety grow inside me as I noticed the change in atmosphere between us.

Jenna's anger soon gave way to sadness, and a strange look came over her eyes.

"So... are you... giving up on me?" she asked, her voice filled with pain. I could sense the fear behind her words, a fear that resonated within me too.

Her words hit me like a punch to the stomach.

"That's not what I meant-"

"Then are you willing to fight for us?" she interrupted, frustration and desperation in her voice. "Or are you going to leave me?"

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, feeling the tension rise.

"Jenna, I want to fight for us, but I can't do it alone. I need you to be willing to do the same. We can't make it if we don't both put in the effort. I love you, but I need to feel closer to you even when we're apart. We can find a balance, I'm sure of it, but it takes both of us." I felt tears running down my cheeks, every word filled with hope and fear.

Jenna remained silent, analyzing my words. Her gaze was intense, as if she was trying to understand every nuance of what I had said.

"You're right," she finally said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. I sighed loudly, finding her adorable, my heart lighter seeing her so vulnerable.

The sound of someone knocking on her door made me raise an eyebrow in confusion.

I looked at the screen, trying to figure out what was happening.

Jenna sighed and looked towards the door, irritated. "Coming!" she said to whoever was on the other side. "Damn persistence," she muttered softly before looking back at me with a big smile.

She muted the video call.

Jenna stood up from her desk chair, revealing her casual attire: an oversized T-shirt and a pair of shorts I had lent her for the trip. My heart swelled with tenderness seeing her wear something of mine, making me smile like an idiot.

As she walked away, I glanced at her trailer curiously. The walls were adorned with photos of us together, taken in happy moments. A plush toy I had won for her on our first date rested next to her pillow. There were work notes scattered on the table, highlighted scripts, and a half-empty coffee mug. The atmosphere was a mix of chaos and warmth, a perfect reflection of her current life.

Jenna returned to the computer, a strange look on her face. She seemed worried, as if something had troubled her.

"Everything okay?" I asked with concern.

Jenna unmuted and looked at me guiltily.

"It was Emma; she said Tim urgently wanted to see us," she said calmly.

I sighed loudly, feeling frustration grow.

"Go, I love you," I said with a small smile on my lips.

Even though I wanted to talk to her more.

Jenna widened her smile and blew a kiss to the camera. "Love you more," she said, smiling broadly, winking at me before ending the call.

I was alone again, the feeling of emptiness returning to fill the room. I looked at the dark screen, trying to process the conflicting emotions inside me. I felt relieved for having spoken up but still worried about what the future held for us.

But I realized it was time to make a drastic decision.

(...)

With the suitcase gripped tightly in my hands, I made my way towards the filming location accompanied by Percy, Jenna's best friend who had volunteered to come with me to ensure everything went smoothly.

As I navigated through the bustling security crowd on set, I reflected on how I had come to make this decision. I had chosen to take the flight to Romania because I felt a deep need to see Jenna. The long weeks of separation had intensified my desire to embrace her again, to feel her presence beside me.

The journey had been an ordeal, with its complications and unexpected expenses, but nothing could stop me. I felt that this gesture was important not only for the two of us but also for the future of our relationship. I was determined to show Jenna how much she meant to me, how much I was willing to do for us.

"I have to admit, it's a bit more challenging to get in here than I thought," I commented with a sigh of frustration as we made our way through the security crowd on set.

Percy nodded with a sympathetic smile.

"I figured. But you know, this is a big surprise you're giving Jenna. She'll be over the moon."

"I really hope so," I replied as Percy offered silent support while we continued to walk.

"Thank you so much for coming to meet me at the entrance and for avoiding the security questions by saying you were with me."

"Don't mention it," Percy replied with a nod.

"We're on the same team."

We exchanged a knowing smile as we continued to make our way through the set, searching for the spot where Jenna was filming.

There was utter chaos.

Cameras moved with precision, people walked frantically to coordinate everything, and Tim Burton's authoritative voice gave directives from behind the scenes.

As we advanced, I noticed Emma sitting in front of a makeup artist, focused as she was being prepared for her scene. With a glance, she gestured with her free hand to indicate where Jenna was.

"I'm going to get ready," Percy said with an apologetic smile, and I nodded weakly.

I left the suitcase in a corner.

Jenna, dressed as Wednesday, was in the middle of the forest on set, with a stern and concentrated look as she tried to get into character. However, her eyes seemed veiled with a subtle sadness. She scanned her surroundings, trying to focus despite the distractions.

Meanwhile, Tim Burton intervened from a distance with his authoritative voice.

"No, Jenna, you need to smile in this scene! Look at your uncle!" he said, trying to guide her performance and set the right atmosphere for the shot.

Jenna sighed loudly, visibly upset by the director's request. "Let's try again," she said determinedly to her crew, preparing for another attempt to capture the required emotion.

As the crew organized for the new take, Jenna finally spotted my figure among the actors and crew present on set.

Her face suddenly lit up with a radiant smile, momentarily forgetting the scene's tensions and focusing all her attention on me.My heart raced at the sight of that genuine smile.

Our gazes met, and time seemed to stand still as Jenna hurried towards me.

"Y/n!" Jenna exclaimed loudly, her voice echoing through the trees on set as she ran towards me.

"STOP!" Tim shouted, and Jenna continues to run "who is y/n?" The producer asked one of his colleagues

Without hesitation, Jenna caught up to me and hugged me tightly like a koala, holding me affectionately and lovingly. I felt the warmth of her body against mine, and my heart filled with joy at her closeness.

"You're really here," Jenna whispered emotionally against my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

Jenna began to cry.

The brunette held the embrace with a strength that conveyed all her love and gratitude. Her tears, warm and salty, began to silently trickle down her cheeks as emotion overwhelmed her.I felt her heart beating strongly against my chest, her breath hitched with the intensity of her emotions.

I stroked her hair, trying to comfort her as she continued to cry.

"I'm here, Jenna," I whispered softly, holding her even closer. "I'm here with you, forever."

Jenna said nothing, but her embrace spoke volumes for her.

It was an embrace that meant more than a thousand words, expressing all our love, our struggle, and our resilience.We remained wrapped in each other's arms, in the silence of the forest on set, while the world around us continued to turn. It was a moment of pure vulnerability and reconnection, a moment we would both cherish in our hearts forever.

It was clear that those tears were tears of joy, gratitude, overcoming fear, and rediscovered love. In that moment, all that mattered was that we were together, embraced and united, ready to face whatever destiny had in store for us.

When Jenna lifted her face from my neck, her eyes shone with renewed intensity. Without saying a word, she began to kiss my face tenderly, leaving a mark of affection on every inch of skin she could reach.

Then, with a sigh full of love, her kisses became more intense and deep, ending on my lips with a passion that reflected her gratitude and the joy of having me close again.Our kisses grew more intense, conveying all the passion accumulated during our separation. I felt the warmth of her body against mine, as my hands gently caressed her back. Jenna responded with the same ardor, as if she wanted to completely merge with me.

Time seemed suspended as we lost ourselves in our embraces and kisses.

Then, slowly, we pulled apart, holding hands and looking into each other's eyes with an intensity that spoke louder than any words.

"Y/N," Jenna whispered, her breath still ragged with emotion. "I've missed you so much. I've wanted you so much."

My lips curved into a tender smile. "I've missed you too, Jenna. You don't know how much I've longed for this moment, to feel you close to me again."Jenna pulled me even closer, as if she wanted to make sure I was really there with her.

"I love you so much," she said sincerely, her brown eyes shining with love.

"I love you more than words can say," I replied firmly, squeezing her hand against my heart. "And I'm here to fight for us, for as long as it takes."

Jenna nodded slowly, a tear of happiness sliding down her cheek.

"Thank you for not giving up on me," she said, her voice moved. "I promise I'll always be here for you."

We embraced again, our hearts beating in unison. In that moment, I knew we were stronger together, ready to face any challenge that came our way.

I would never give up on Jenna, never.

[cherib3lla]

𝙄 𝙈𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏 𝙃𝘼𝙑𝙀 𝙏𝙊 𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆 𝙃𝙀𝙍 𝙊𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙃𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙒𝘼𝙔!

a/n — hey chat, this took way too long (i’m fucking lazy and didn’t feel like writing) but i’m proud of this!!

@prettylameusertbh saw it first + proofread it <3

warning - smut, unprotected sex (safe sex is great sex, cause you don’t want that late text that i think im late text- lil wayne!), cursing, praise, teeny tiny lil fluff, oral (male receiving), fingering, hair pulling, smacking.

if i missed anything please tell me!!

✦·┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈·✦

Standing in front of the mirror that sits in Matt's bathroom, applying light makeup which consists of mascara, blush, concealer, and a little bit of eyebrow gel. Putting on a small heart-shaped locket that Matt gifted me for my birthday, plus, some dainty little silver bracelets.

Walking out of the bathroom, and turning into Matt's room, I see him sitting in the bed, forearms resting on his thighs while he types away at his phone. After a short beat of silence, he looks up from his phone, “You ready to go sweetheart?” he asks timidly, keeping his eyes on my face.

Oh. Not even a single glance at the dress I put on? “O-oh, yeah let me just grab my purse,” I mumble as I rush over to the small table next to the bed. “I'll be in the car,” I hear him say at the same time I hear the door open. Is he that mad at me?

Hardly any words were exchanged during the car ride to the restaurant. Brief glances and tiny touches were exchanged between us. Arriving at the restaurant, Matt pulls into a parking space. Removed the keys, got out, and walked around to the passenger side where I was sitting. He opened my door for me, offering his hand out.

୨ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ৎ

Small talk was made at the dinner table on and off all night. I tried having a real conversation but I was left with a dry response or a slight nod of his head. Nothing more, nothing less. Growing more and more aggravated, I built the courage to ask “Okay, Matt what the fuck is wrong with you?”

A beat of silence fills the car, and only the soft hums of the radio are heard. “What do you think is wrong? All you did was tease me all fucking day,” he snarled at me with a clenched jaw as his hands tightened around the wheel. “Well you didn’t pay attention to me all fucking day, what did you expect?” I shout back at him, looking out the window in frustration.

“I'm sorry I haven't been paying attention to you. I've been stressed out with all these new video ideas. You don't deserve to be ignored, I'm sorry baby,” he sympathized with me.

“I-I'm sorry I was teasing you, I didn't realize you were this stressed,” I said in a soothing tone. If he was stressed maybe I could… help him out? “Can I ma-maybe help you” I blurt out abruptly. I see confusion take over his face as I sit there, biting my lip in anticipation. “What do mean?” he replied back.

Not knowing how to use my words I reach over my body, unbuckling my seat belt. Turning my body sideways I reach for his belt buckle. “W-woah w-what are you doing,” he interjected, taking a hand off the wheel and placing it on my hand. “Helping you relax,” I retorted.

“Sweetheart I'm driving,” he grunted out as I started to pull his pants and boxer down enough to have room for what I was about to do. “We’re on the highway I— ohh fuck-, he gasped out as I placed my hand on the base of his cock, stroking slowly.

“Shut up. Drive,” releasing a shaky breath, he leans back, keeping both hands on the steering wheel while glancing between the road and my head between his thighs. I start placing kisses up and down his cock, teasing him a little more. “Fuck— c’mon, baby you can do better than that,” he peeked down at me, taking a hand off the steering wheel and using it to push my head further down his cock.

Precum beads at his tip, licking it off, I start sucking hard on his tip. Coaxing a sharp breath out of him. Circling my tongue around his tip, I start to bob my head up and down. Keeping a hand at his base, stroking what couldn't fit inside my mouth.

“Yesss— fuck, just like that sweetie,” I continue bobbing my head, going as deep as I can. I replace my hand with the back of my throat. I feel Matt place a hand on the back of my head, asking for permission to push down, I nod my head around his cock. “Right there, fuckkkk—,”

“S’ good baby, keep going—,” Gagging sounds fill the car as I try my best to coax the orgasm out of him. “Yes—f-fuck, I'm g-gonna cum!” he starts lifting his hips, thrusting into my mouth. A few seconds later I felt him finish down my throat. “Good fucking girl— you did so good for me,”

Lifting my head up, I lean back in my seat, trying to catch my breath, as they come out shaken. I feel the car jolt forward, as Matt starts swerving between cars. “Matt slow down!” ignoring me, he looks over to the right, near the exit, switches lanes, and speeds off the highway. “What- where are we going?”

Pulling up to the nearest parking lot. It's mostly empty— maybe 5 cars at most. “Get in the back. Now,” feeling my panties dampen with the tone of his voice, I do what he says, and climb in the back. Crawling over the middle compartment, into the back, he slaps my ass forcefully, making me jolt forward.

He followed behind me, repositioning my body, and forcing me to be on my stomach. He takes my hips in his hand and positions them in the air. Placing his hand on my lower back, he pushes down, making me arch into his body.

“Im gonna fuck you so good baby,” dragging out his words. He pulls down his pants and his boxers the rest of the way, pushing the fabric of my dress up my waist. Pulling my panties to the side he runs two fingers from my entrance, up to my clit. “Ohhh baby you're so wet and I've barely even touched you,”

I wince as I feel the tips of his fingers stretching me out, “C'mon Baby we gotta get you ready for me hm,” he forcefully shoves his fingers deep inside me, hitting places that my own fingers would never be able to reach. Curling them against my sweet spot, he thrusts his fingers in and out.

“Mmph— pl-please Matt,” I begged. As soon as I start to fuck myself back on his fingers he pulls away. “What do you want baby, use your words f’me,” he purred at me as he attached his lips to the lower part of my back. A pout took over my face, not wanting to be verbal with him about what I desired. “Cmon baby you can do it,”

“Please Matt— need y-your- cock, please baby,” tears started to build on my waterline from all the built up sexual frustration. “Mmm good girl, using your words f’me,”

He snakes his hand around my body, placing his palm in front of my face, “Spit” he starts to stroke his dick with his spit covered palm. Placing his tip in my entrance, not pushing any further than the tip. Whining his name, he slammed his cock deep inside my pussy. Stalling for a moment, “fuck sweetie you're always so tight for me,”

He starts thrusting at a medium pace, the windows already starting to fog up from our actions. “Matt — Fas-” I get cut off by him snapping his hips back and forth at a brutal pace. Jolting forward he wraps a hand around my hair, pulling me to his chest, “s’ think you can tease me all day, huh?” continuously snapping his hips, making it harder for me to answer.

Unlocking his fingers from my hair, he replaces his hands around my neck, squeezing the sides. Euphoria runs through my veins as he applies more and more pressure. I reach under my body to toy with clit, rubbing in circular motions.

“Mmph — good job baby keeping playin’ with ya clit f’me,” his thrusts become harder, deeper, as I clench around his cock. “Matt— Matt, fuck, m’gonna cum” I whimpered. I could tell Matt wasn't too far away from finishing either, his thrusts becoming sloppy.

“Hold it — fuck, baby hold it f’me,” he says through pants and whimpers. Both our breathing is labored. Hard and heavy pants exiting both of our mouths. His thrusts become sloppier and sloppier.

“You take it, s’good baby, c’mon cum on my cock. Make a mess sweetie” he says cooeing at me. “Matt —m’ cum, cumming!” I release with a shout of his name and expletives coming out of my mouth not long after. Fucking me through my high, he reaches his.

“Wh-where do you want it, sweetie” his voice cracking as he quickly approaches his high. “In me Matt— please, need your cum!” he complied. With a grunt, he came inside me, filling me up.

Both of us lay there, out of breath, sweaty, and sticky. The sexual tension in the car quickly dispersed — leaving us tired and heaving messes. “You okay princess?” he said from behind, his dick still nestled in my pulsing heat.

With a quick reply, he pulls his length out of me — leaving a leaking mess down my thighs. Grabbing his shirt from the floor, he starts to clean me up. “You did so good f’me princess,”

After redressing and climbing back into the front. We make our way back to Matt’s house. The ride back was filled with small touches and quite small talk.

Walking into the house we were met by Nick and Chris, sitting on the couch. Both of them looked perplexed by our appearances. “What the fuck happened to you two?” Nick said with curiosity.

Unbeknownst to me, my mascara was smudged, and my hair was a mess. Matts's hair looked damp, and his clothes were wrinkled. Chris gasped at the sight of us, eyes bulging out of his head and his jaw wide open.

“What the fuck dude! In the car! Seriously!”

✦·┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈·✦

a/n — if you wanna be tagged in upcoming fics you can message me or inbox me!! love u mwuah 🎀

tags- @sturniolos--girl @m0r94n @lovesodakid @sweetreliever @emssturniolo @slxtformatt

[sickuma]

SILLAGE — a Simon Riley fic. 1/2

❱ This is the au i wrote on tiktok captioned "he realized he wanted to stay too late" this will have two parts! I've been making a lot of ghost fics lately LMAO and I'm sorry if the plots are consistently angst, it's what I like doing the most. This one though is a little heavier than most of what I've written, definitely has some personal linking to it with my experience :)

ꜝ？ Warning. . this is a heavy angst fic, mentions of suicide and acts of committing, if that is something that triggers bad emotions, please exit the fic.

paring is Ghost x Reader this is unedited! mistakes such as spelling and grammatical errors are to be expected !

! if you are going through something heavy right now, please seek someone you trust and you are able to talk to about your emotions, nobody should have to go through their troubles alone, you're loved<3 My messages are open if you need a stranger to listen :)

Part 2 (^_^;)

SILLAGE — (n.) The scent that lingers in air, the trail left in water, the impression made in space after something or someone has been and gone; the trace of someones perfume.

"The deployment takes place soon."

He mumbles, without turning to face you. Occupied by packing up the things he'll need for this mission and more,

He was packing everything.

"Do not wait for me [name]."

"What does that mean?" You ask, a look of indifference plastered on your face. It wasn't necessarily the first time this conversation has been held. 

Though it is the first time you're not opposing. For the entirety of that 7 months you're together, fights happened, arguments would sprung. Yet you find yourselves back into each other's arms within a week,

It was a tiring cycle. Something you knew was unhealthy for the both of you, especially with your deteriorating well-being which he has no waking idea about. You've never brought light to it.

It was an ugly part of you, something you despised.

Something you won't ever show him yourself.

With a short sigh, he stood straight, hands propped on his forehead indicating his rising stress. "I can't, we can't."

"I can't let this go on longer.

You kept quiet, awaiting for him to speak more, to tell more of his worries you're evidently familiar with. It was something you've grown aware of,

His fear of abandoning you,

His fear of dying on the field while you wait aimlessly for him.

"This is for the better [name]." Cowardly, is what you would have described this. But you are in no place to be speaking of such as you're also deep into your own hell of mental instability.

For a lot of times this argument has happened, it was the first time you are not tearing up. Asking him to stop spewing nonsense and convincing him to stay.

Why did you keep doing that? You wondered. Now you finally have the answer. 

It's the fear,

Fear of your darkness once he's far from you, far from your heart. He was completely unaware of how he'd changed you temporarily, how your sleeping heart awoke with just the sound of his voice.

For the longest time you have not felt anything close to what he made you feel; for the first time you are able to feel. And the thought of that suddenly being taken away from you made your body tremble.

But this time you stood firmly,

He was right. This can't go on forever,

You two may have different reasons for saying such but what mutual fact was that it was true. Staying with each other will only drive you to madness.

With his fear of attachment, and your fear of abandonment. It was bound to fail.

You were already planning on cutting ties even before he brought this up once again; you knew you can't stay. Not any longer,

Not when this void plagued you like a curse.

The air was thick and dire, your lack of response threw him over the edge. It was unpleasant. He had expected you to do the same, to react the same, to stop him.

To fight for him like you always have,

But you're no longer capable of doing that. If you can't fight for your own will to live, how does he expect you to fight for this wilting relationship?

You hated it. Feeling helpless.

But you're certain it's the right thing, tonight, you'll finally do it. Like you always planned.

"I see."

Simon felt conflicted, your short answers and your lack of expression, it gave him a strange gut feeling. This sudden gut decision to stay and make sure everything's okay,

He can't.

He needs to go, one way or another. He's doing this in regards to you, and the safety of your feelings.

If only he'd know you're incapable of feeling, without him you can't. Your gaze followed his walking figure as he brought his things at the door,

Turning to you with a pinched expression, though he was shocked to see you looking at him with a smile.

"Be safe."

You spoke ever so gently, with that slight smile he adored but for some reason it felt odd to see it. It troubled him, he shrugged it off, not wanting to drag this moment longer,

Afraid he'll give in and pull you into his arms.

He kept staring, as if he didn't wish to walk out the door. If he does, it means permanently, his heart was against that. "Can I hug you?"

"One last time?"

He was taken aback, stunned at your sudden request. And for a lot of reasons it hurt him, to hurt you in such a way you end up smiling in acceptance, asking him for one final hug.

With an anxious swallow, he dropped the bags and slowly drew closer to you. Pulling you close, perhaps too eagerly? Too desperately. But he didn't care. 

If its the final time he gets to have you in his embrace, he'll make the most of it. 

He lets the moment linger, with your hands clutching his shirt, he took you in. Taking your scent, the calm thumps of your heart, he needs all he can get.

With his eyes closed, he carefully rubs the back of your head when he suddenly felt warm on his chest,

It was tears,

Your tears. You were crying silently.

"[name]—" 

You interrupt him with a chuckle, pulling away from the hug to wipe your tears. 

"Sorry, it escaped." You humoured, wiping them away.

Right at that moment he felt his heart shatter, he felt cruel. On the other hand you felt fulfilled, with the final hug you wanted,

You can finally do it.

"I love you Si." You smiled once again, looking up at his towering figure. Though his expression remained stoic, almost softening as his thoughts dwelled with what his heart wants.

He shook his head, closing his eyes shut as he turned around to take his things. Twisting the knob in the process, stopping to spare you one last glance.

"I—" he almost said it but he stopped himself, he didn't want to make it any harder for himself, no matter how badly he wanted to say it.

"Goodbye [name]."

Those were the last words he spoke to you, as the sound of the door closing erupts in your ears. Leaving you in the eerie room you dreaded,

It's as if you could still feel his embrace.

Once you're sure he's far enough, it's when you started the preparation. Sitting down indifferently to write a few notes; letters to those few you held close.

One final regard of what you were too cowardly to say in person, a goodbye.

And so, you wrote.

﹑

To Simon,

My Simon.

If you're reading this, I am gone.

Whether or not you find this letter, I can only hope you know how much I've loved you. That even without reading this, you're still aware of how much you made me feel.

Thank you, truly.

For the longest time I have struggled to feel, most times it would just be devoid of yearning; my yearn to view life as something worth living for. To no avail I never got that, the idea to keep living never shone bright to me, of course, until you showed up and brighten up my space with your own special way,

It took us quite a few to get along, we really did.

But when it happened, it was ethereal. Things felt right, for the first time I was able to feel,

For the first time I had this sudden urge to keep living, to keep living for you. To see you, to hear your voice, to be beside you. I'm afraid I've grown dependent on that,

As someone who has never felt love nor care, I had no sense of value for myself. Yet you looked at me, you told me you love me and believe me I was ecstatic.

I depended on you, you were my source of happiness and I owe you for every bit of happiness I've gotten from this unfortunate life so when we're apart i find myself remembering just how miserable i am, how my family is, how i am as a person and how hard it is for me to feel.

Without you I can't feel anything.

But that was unhealthy,

I was merely distracted. The void never left, it was there temporarily filled with what I convinced myself was a will to live. I'm sorry. I really am, I wish I could have been better. I wish I could have been stronger,

Braver, to see your achievements even if we're not together anymore. My heart remains yours. It's not your fault, it never will be. I'm sure that you know If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. 

I know I lack the ability to feel, but with you, I never lied. I never faked anything. My love for you is here and it's the only feeling I am able to recognize, I know that night you walked out of the door saying we are better off apart, for the safety of my feelings and for the sake of your growing attachment. I cried but I cried because I agreed.

I'm sorry for surrendering to my weakness,

But I can't keep it together; not any longer. I can only hope that you'll be glad to know that maybe I'm somewhere free from the void of my emotions. I'm somewhere better, freely able to feel. Please be proud, with you I felt so much and that will never change. It's me your [name] :) always will be.

Goodluck to the strongest lieutenant! Remember to keep him happy and healthy, take care of the person I cherish the most, okay? Wherever I am, I am somewhere carrying the short-lived love we had. Treasuring it forever,

Stay frosty yeah? Don't be like me. 

Until next time, lieutenant :)

﹑