#sorry for the bad image quality of the second image my phone has been acting weird lately

[pumpkinsouppe]

Happy dunmeshi Thursday!! As promised I finally finished this piece jfdksl

As an extra special surprise im actually going to be selling this as 3.25” stickers on my shop 🤭 the plan was to originally open up with physical merch in February but due to a surgery schedule i think im gonna open up with digital merch in February and physical merch in March!

If you want updates for when I open the shop I hope to regularly have updates on my kofi! I have another dunmeshi sticker I plan to post next Thursday!

[thegoodomensdumpster]

I WATCHED GOOD OMENS IN FRENCH SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

and it wasn’t that bad. Here are my thoughts, barely edited as I wrote most of them while watching the show.

EP 1

OK i like god’s voice so far

possibilité d’embarras gastrique is a good formulation, I wonder if it’s the same in the book ( I think I kinda need to read it in french now...)

aghghdhgs « primo-délinquants »

of course subtitles don’t match the audio for a variety of technical reasons but when you get things that have very different underlying meanings i find it… not good This one about Crowley being evil / a demon : subtitles : « c’est ton travail » - « it’s your job » audio : « c’est dans ta nature » - « it’s in your nature » i mean dang

crowley sounds like a little shit asking az about his sword

« T’AS FAIT QUOUA » - he just loses his shit (kinda giving me some le coeur a ses raisons vibe)

ok crowley sounds very nerdy when he tries to explain that he took down the phone network, i think i actually like this voice acting

ligur sounds… very suave (im a little ill at ease)

crowley getting called mon chou by satan freddie mercury is a thumb up from me

i see the part where aziraphale speaks japanese wasn’t dubbed over and we can still hear michael sheen. it’s a bit disturbing considering french aziraphale has a higher pitched voice (and he sounds soooo much more anxious than sheen, give this angel a xanax )

“sandwich bœuf cresson” ( beef and cress sandwich ) deirdre really who makes this kind of sandwiches

im being reminded that the chattering nuns prepared little cut outs for their explanation about the antichrist switch… such dedication to useless crafts (it made me laugh on my first viewing and it’s still funny to imagine that some of them either ordered or built these things themselves just so they could make this two minutes long presentation for the most important act of their satanic nun careers)

retire-toi vil démon infernal, créature des abysses XD i swear az doesn’t sound even remotely convinced when he is saying the « get thee behind me foul fiend » line in french, it’s just too over the top for credibility, it sounds like it’s straight out of some super intense dnd session

they still can’t say bouillabaisse (which, like, weird because french, but still valid). nice touch is crowley couldn’t say soupe de poisson (fish stew) either and said poupe de soisson (sish ftew)

warlock mah boy how can you be a teenager and not like dinosaurs

c’est un dinosaure un nullosaure plutôt - apply burn heal

La façon dont warlock s’est exclamé « C’EST NUL » m’a fait penser au nain de naheulbeuk

the english version has nothing on french speaking aziraphale for the second hand embarrassement during the magic tour. it’s over 9000 i literally hid my head in my jumper when he was presenting harry the bunny. Horrible experience, 0/20, would not recommend

EP 2

oooh agnes has a lovely voice !

why is young newton having such a quality dub for the three sentences he has to say

dick turpin’s name is jesse james (tbf dick turpin is not known AT ALL in france, i discovered him reading good omens)

shadwell is pure chaos (as expected). No particular accent for him though, the chaotic energy was probably enough. Would have made me laugh if he had like, a chti or a marseilles accent.

aziraphale is so fucking stressed out by crowley’s driving i thought he was gonna explode

« tu es un gentil garçon » => « you’re a nice boy » said az to crowley DANG THAT’S SO INFANTILIZING AZIRAPHALE YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEMON FROM HELL NOT TO PINOCCHIO

ARGH FIRST MON ANGE OF THE SERIES i’m hit straight in the heart

anathema’s mom doesn’t have a spanish / latino accent at all when talking in spanish…. why...

dog being called toutou is definitely adorable (it’s basically « doggy » but way cuter imo)

tickety-boo has become ça gaze. that’s valid. it’s corny but i still use it unironically from time to time so ... i stan

EP 3

« je répands la fomentation » « i’m here spreading foment » « quoi tu fais des crêpes au froment ?????? »  « what you’re making crêpes with wheat ??? » love the fact that we shoehorned in one more ref to crêpes

az called crowley mon cher camarade, unintentionnal communist propaganda ftw

« pas de repos pour les… bah, pour les bons » « no rest for the… good »  – az was so deflated about the ineptitude he realized he was saying, he felt zero percent commited to his sentence

i was wondering how they would play aziraphale not being able to speak french in the bastille and they opted to have him stutter a bit and say to his executionner « excuse me i’m anxious » XD

« vous êtes le 999e aristo à mourir par mes soins. Mais vous êtes le premier en costume beige » « you’re the 999th aristocrat I’m going to kill, but the first one in beige attire » yeah i guess now that az isn’t english anymore his most noticeable feature is his cream aesthetic

« c’est au cas où ça tournerait en eau de boudin » « j’ADORE le boudin » => « in case it all goes pear shape » - the literal translation featuring food in french is « turning into black sausage water ». I don’t know what pear shaped inspires to english native speakers but the mere mention of boudin always make me giggle, it’s such a funny word and such a funny food

OH !!! no terrence rampa for the tv series, we’ve got anthony J. rampa. Rip terrence petit démon parti trop tôt :’(

« tu roules trop vite pour moi rampa » SERIOUSLY i know we can still infer « rouler » (here as in driving, but literally rolling) as a metaphor for their relationship but you could have said TU VAS TROP VITE that would have been so much better argh

has anathema got an emergency stock of potteries to break in case of emotionnal crisis ?

« Rampa, un démon très futé, il m’oblige à redoubler d’effort » « crowley, a very clever demon, he forces me to make double the amount of effort » oh so admitting you’re making an effort there aziraphale ? :))))))

dang i really want to know how shadwell said that major milk bottle died because not only did he die in combat but aziraphale’s reaction is a bit intense, it must have been quite a tale (this could be a crack fic prompt : «The Epic Tale of the Death Of Major Witchfinder Milk Bottle, by Sargent Witchfinder Shadwell» )

des sorcières et des phénomènes sorciéreux x)

CROWLEY CALLED AZIRAPHALE DUCON ?????? EXCUSE ME ????? #NotMyCrowley #CrowleyWouldNeverDoThat  #CancelAnthonyJRampa2K20  => ducon would be an insult, the gathering of du and con, con being a very nasty but common swear word, and associating it with du- makes it extremely patronizing. it’s like « absolute pathetic digraceful moron +++ ». thanks i hate it *frowny face *

EP 4

l’apocalypse c’est pour aujourd’hui juste après le goûter : it could be translated as « apocalypse is scheduled for today right after tea time » except that « goûter » is not quite tea time but rather the little sugary snack kids take when they come back from school and that most adults drop out of (i haven’t and i’m sure az hasn’t either). thanks aziraphale for having exclusively food related notion of the time because tbh same

ligur has no right to be this sexy between ariyon bakare and his french voice actor that’s just not allowed

radio crowley’s voice vs french ligur’s voice, who has the sexiest voice : FIGHT

(jk french agnes nutter’s voice is by far the sexiest)

gender neutral doesn’t ‘quite’ exist in french but pollution has been assigned a female voice actress and masculine pronouns (i’m saying it doesn’t quite exist because officially we have no gender neutral, but it’s a serious wip among lgbt+ circles to the point where it’s started being used in a few medias)

hastur « en attendant qu’un plombier vienne » / « while waiting for a plumber to come » does hell have a special plumber unit or do demons have to call on human plumbers for their pipes damages ? Dang hastur having to call a human plumber for hell’s plumbery is another damn good writing prompt for a crack fic

Michael is called Michel in the subtitles but Michael in the audio *shrug emoji*

EP 5 

to get a wiggle on has become « il faut qu’on se remue les fesses », literally « we need to shake our butts » like, yes, se remuer les fesses is a common expression to say « we need to act in order to get things done » but it really casts the image of people shaking their booty to some music and obviously crowley thinks the same Weirdly enough I have almost nothing to say for that episode. Sorry. But we’ve discovered most voice actors and actresses so far and no bit of dialogue really struck me as worth discussing or pointing fingers to mock it.

EP 6 

« on va BROUTER quelques derrières » - « we’re gonna lick some butts » OK THIS IS UNQUESTIONNABLY FAR SUPERIOR IN FRENCH THAN IN ENGLISH you thought LICKING butts was good ??? you really thought that ???? AZIRAPHALE HERE SUGGESTS TO GRAZE BUTTS. TO NIBBLE THEM. TO EAT THEM. TO. MUNCH. ON. THOSE. BUTTS!!!! not just licking, guys. This is as serious step beyond licking. (oh yeah he should have said « botter » instead of brouter btw, which is really just kicking, fyi)

« moi je crois en la paix, pétasse ! » wow, language, pepper (fyi i think « pétasse » is far far worse than « bitch » even if it means roughly the same, pétasse is almost never used while bitch is rather common, so it’s a swear word +++)

Dagon sounds like she’s got a nasty cold. #GetDagonIbuprofen2K20

I can confirm that Crowley offers Aziraphale to not just stay at his place, but to move in with him. « tu peux t’installer chez moi si tu veux ». omg they were roommates.

Bad translation strikes again : i don’t know why, but the french dub doesn’t have the « tickety-boo » / « ça gaze » being referenced as Rampa / Aziraphale is being knocked down, which is… a real mistep. It was narratively significant and I’m quite mad the translators missed it.

The Jesse James explanation from Newt has become very nonsensical, instead of the neat and to the point pun « wherever I go I hold up trafic » we’re getting a circonvoluted « because it’s a crime to mechanic’s diligence ». I’m not judging that one too hard, I have no idea how to make it better, and that’s probably how it was translated in the book as well thirty years ago, but it definitely doesn’t have the same impact. On the other hand, it definitely IS a very bad joke that doesn’t even deserve a chuckle, so Anathema’s embarassement really matches the audience’s (aka mine).

OVERALL :

I wasn’t convinced by Crowley… I mean, Rampa’s voice at first, but as the nerdiness showed up it really grew on me. I still think that french dubs have often problems with some voice inflexions every here and there, and for instance in Rampa’s case it was when he was annoyed or frustrated ( at the Globe when complaining about horses and Shakespeare’s plays that aren’t comedies, and also when discussing Azirphale’s magic tricks, it’s like… there is a step between having the right amount of grumpy complaining and overdoing it that is overlooked. It’s overacted, it should have been a bit quieter imo. I don’t mean to criticize voice actors too hard either but as an audience watching french dubs this is a very recurring problem and it always feels off to me. It’s actually one of the main reasons I avoid french dubs whenever possible.)

I have a hard time judging Aziraphale’s voice dub because it clashes so much with both the idea I had formed with it when I read the book and Sheen’s delivery that I just… kinda filtered it. It was too high pitched for me, and too anxious (though for this last point I must admit it could be funny at times, but I’m not fond of this character portrayal). The rest of the cast was rather good, nothing to complain about. There wasn’t anything stellar either, but everything that needed to be conveyed was and it was professionnal. It was also very homogeneous, no voice really struck me as being way too bad or way too good compared to the others, so it was really consistant.

So I don’t have much to complain about overall despite a few wonky translations here and there, BUT there is one thing I felt very robbed of : Crowley calling Aziraphale « mon ange » happens only once, when giving a lift to Anathema, and I’m almost certain they translated it that way because otherwise the joke about Anathama mistaking them for a couple wouldn’t work. So, they were forced to make it that way. The rest of the time Crowley calls Aziraphale « l’angelot », and despite being literally translated by « little angel », it feels sarcastic more than anything else ( the « L’ » in front of « angelot » is part of the reason why, it creates some distance, the other reason being that this word in itself has a very corny vibe and people being affectionnate to each other wouldn’t use it as a term of endearment). So, that’s a shame.

I like the English dub much much MUCH better than the French, but the french wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. The voice actors and actresses were quite good, the dialogues mostly faithful and endearing despite a few really missed steps. It really had its moments. Props to brouter des derrières, that one was fantastic.

[alphasmoonlit-selfships]

🍃 🐚 ⭐️

Hello mystery anon! Thank you so much for the ask! I forgot as I was writing that that were asks meant to be answered by me for my F/o, but considering my recent f/o takeover by my dearest Atsushi, he answered a few of the asks too! UwU;

"It is a shared blog between us, Darling," Atsushi commented lightly, resting his chin a top the petite brunette, "I'm sure they won't mind at all!" 🥰

"Well let's just jump right into it, shall we?"

🍃:  Do you live together? If not, would you like to? How would you or how do you decorate?

Atsushi: We do live together actually! You can know more about that here in this ask!

Though the second question is new to answer; it was a slow and gradual process to decorate our place after it was entirely cleaned and ready to inhabit. We started with basic things we could afford, the Agency definitely helping us to get a few other things to fill in the space and make it feel more homey. Which we were grateful towards nonetheless!

Even so, I think the decorator between us is Dany, she usually suggests colors and what might fit well with the setting of a certain room in our condo. As well as how the layout should be. Of course, I pitch in my own suggestions that she usually considers and takes full validation of 😄 it definitely helps her figure things out as she often hits a dead end and is left a bit irked when she runs out of ideas 👀

We often buy things at random that might make the condo more homey, be it buying some items for the living room or dining, some plants to make the place more lively, either inside or on the balcony space, or paintings and frames. Which might I add, we have hung some pieces we worked on together!

It was some quality time building when we painted and made a messy, yet nice piece done! I may not be much of an artist, but Dany does know how to boost someone’s confidence when it comes to the subject U///w///U she is very sweet, comforting and patient.

But yeah! We are a bit of a mix of traditional, minimalist, and modern through the home!

🐚:  Which one of you brings the most physical or emotional energy to the relationship? Are there ever times where it’s overwhelming to the other, or are you pretty evenly matched?

Atsushi: I think Dany and I have shared a decent amount of offering each other that physical and emotional and mental energy to our relationship. It varies a lot with what we experience individually, but overall it is evenly match. We have a deep understanding of one another and share a few similarities when it comes to how we think and want to act on our emotions and affections.

I think Dany gives more of the physical energy as she isn’t one to always put things into words as it sounds in her mind. Her affection is warm, sweet, comforting, it’s soothing and brings out any tension I feel personally after a bad day. She often sings and hums to offer a bit of vocal response, or asks questions for me that give me the door to open if I want to talk about something. She doesn't press instantly and allows space for me to figure out what I would like to say.

I do worry that sometimes I may be a bit overwhelming for her; she is rather emphatic and has the tendency to take other’s emotions that often do drain her later on. It..often leads her to be apathetic when she feels her own bad days.

Which leads to the opposite of me, she is more withdrawn from speaking about her struggles and worries. Always giving a lot of herself to me or others that she forgets about herself. That’s where I have slowly began to draw her out of that mindset, I can understand where she comes from in that regard and offer what she usually craves the most; To be listened without being interrupted or bringing up an assumption she hasn’t stated. She use to apologize,,, frequently for how she just kept rambling about some feelings and teared up out of emotion. She still does occasionally, but not as often as before.

We have been through a lot, uncovering old wounds and healing together. Giving each other that reassurance and validation we both crave more than anything. I think that’s a great positive to our relationship, is how well we share a wavelength in our emotions and how we naturally crave physical bliss from each other. It’s a steady and comforting recovery to just cuddle in bed together after a draining day, for either or both of us.

On a positive note, we are very affectionate and sweet together, so a lot of other people tend to say. Sometimes saying how we are wholesome, or adorable together. It is nice and validating to hear. I tend to be more loving in public when given the chance, Dany isn't much into PDA as she doesn't like so many eyes on her. But has gradually learned to not care too much on it. She has gotten more confident in that regard 🥰 especially with surprise kisses U///w///U

I think the first time she ever kisses me a bit...passionately in public was when someone was apparently flirting with me? I didn't have a clue about it if I have to be honest 😅 and I do think her wolf ability may have given her that forward reaction to kiss me. Surprised I was, but not at all opposed to it~ it was so cute to see slowly realize what she did later and how she practically combusted into embarrassment for her forward action. She definitely needed some reassurance and words of encouragement from me 🥰🥰🥰

Needless to say, she is adorable and I love my darling, tiny lover UwU <3

⭐️: Does your FO have any habits that you only noticed after spending a significant amount of time with them? Do they notice any of yours?

Habits eh? Hmm, Atsushi has some peculiar ones that are caused by his tiger ability... I mean so do I, but I'm normally like that since I was a child. 😅 He is like a cat sometimes and it is honestly endearing to witness and very comforting 🥰 he purrs when we cuddle and has these big eyes sometimes when I give him praise and kisses UwU. Sometimes dilated during more... affectionate times~

He also still bares some habits that stem from his time at the orphanage that I never noticed until we started living together. Such as his early sleep and morning wake up schedule. I’m not much of a morning person in the slightest 😅 I can be very irked and tense and need at least an hour to mentally wake myself up as I move about the place. I especially need coffee and some sort of protein with my food to wake me up.

I’m not very lively and may look irritated to a fault 😔 the amount of times I worried mi Tigre at the start because he thought he did something wrong ;;;w;;; of course with time he understood and got use to it and definitely gave me the space to compose myself. He definitely makes it easier to wake up with a few affectionate kisses and preparing breakfast ;;;w;;; I, of course, in the rare times do the same for him, I just have to be up prior to his now 6am wake up 😮‍💨

Hmm.. he also has his bad days, usually when a memory of his past flickers in his mind he kind of shuts down and it leads to nightmares occasionally. They were more frequent earlier on when we moved in together in the dorms and the first few weeks in our new home and have gradually slowed down. But sometimes I would wake in the middle of the night to him gone, immediately picking him out cowering away in a closet. Huddled in a ball and attempting to stifle his tears when I find him..

I was concerned, but not overly as before when he first did this prior to our relationship. Instead I joined him and offered him my comfort to ground him back from his terror and memory. Usually wordless, gentle comfort and letting him cry out all the emotions that twist and pained his heart. Once he calmed a bit, I offered any words of validation and usually pitch the question if he would like to talk about it. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, either or I don’t let up holding him and keeping him steady to present time.

It’s definitely helped a lot, mi pobre tigre… he feels bad sometimes for the disrupt sleep or mental toll it brings me. But I always remind him, gently but stern, that in those moments he is the one that matters and I am not about to abandon him in his time of need.

Maybe it’s because I understand him deeply in that sense, while our lives may not have been the same, we understand the toll our traumatic past takes on us, individually.

Atsushi has definitely been there for me a lot of the time, I have a lot of self doubt and need plenty of reassurance. I’m..overly sensitive too so I don’t like arguing or any rise in anger, it’s hard for me to…really stand up for myself in that regard; hee..to literally not cry because I am trying to make a point…

Ah sorry, about the small downed turn this took; I don’t normally talk about these things. Am trying to get better by talking more about it, especially with mi Tigre who honestly listens when so many … often don’t.

Nonetheless, some more positive, funny/cute habits from the last; Atsushi tends to ramble on about new things he learns and enjoys telling me more about it. I remember he spoke for a whole hour about chameleons, I drew him some cute doodles as he told me more about them. He keeps the image somewhere in his phone. He also rubs his neck or cups his chin a lot when confused, nervous or in deep thought.

He on the other hand has noticed how often I tend to sit on my legs, that I don’t have a single perfect posture no matter where I sit. Could be the most comforting chair or very stiff, hard ones and I still keep my legs up with me. I just can't for the life of me sit still at all, it'd last like less than 5 minutes at most 😅 but he finds it adorable and cute how often I can just curl myself into what looks like an awkward position to others but for me is rather comfy and just how I prefer to sit.

His lap is the most comforting place to sit tho 👀👀

Atsushi: You also have the bad habit of biting your lips, Darling 👀

👀...Noooo... okay yes I do, a lot, like a lot more as of recent,,, And I crack my fingers a lot too...and tap my feet, more so in public out of nervous jitters I think...

Well, that's enough of that~ we greatly appreciate the emoji asks and honestly love doing these kinds of asks 🥺 it gives me so much more of a chance to explore the dynamic and relationship between mi Tigre and I ❤️😍🥰 Leaves me warm and fussy and soft. A melting puddle of silly and foolish love U///w///U...

Please by all mean's don't be shy to send asks or talk with me! I do my best to respond when I can and want to give all my love and support to every self shipper! Till the next asks! Take care!

[girlmeetsliv3]

Killing Me Softly: I

Sugardaddy!BTS x reader

They were beloved. The very ground they walked on worshiped. It had been that way since before you were born and it would remain that way even after your choice. Decisions decisions, it would decide your future. But why choose one when you could choose them all? If you chose none, well... that wasn’t a decision you could make.

AN: This is for the person who requested an ot7 sugar daddy story where bts are yandere. Sorry, it took so long, but this ended up being a three-part story. Hope everyone enjoys it!

Trigger Warning: The following story contains mentions of manipulation, abuse, and vivid descriptions of abusive acts. The behavior and mindset of the characters in this will be incredibly yandere and toxic. This is a work of fiction and doesn’t represent the character of bangtan sonyeondan. Enjoy ~~~

Word Count: 7,115

     killingmesoftlywithhislove    

Dear Ms. [Y/l/n]

               We regret to inform you that your application has been denied. Unfortunately, you do not have the qualities or qualifications necessary to work as a crew member under McDonalds’ incorporated Inc. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Have a nice day.

Now, you weren’t conceited enough to think that it was impossible for your job application to be denied. You understood when you graduated university that finding employment would be difficult, but you also weren’t dense enough not to notice a pattern. This had been your tenth application and the same thing would always happen: you’d apply, they interview you, be ecstatic to hire you, and in under forty-eight hours you would receive a polite email where they would tell inform you that you didn’t have the ‘qualifications’ or ‘didn’t fit their image.’ You had done an internship at a top-notch telecommunications company, graduated in three years, and were in the top one percentile. How were you not qualified to flip burgers at McDonald's?! A deep sigh left your body as you pressed your forehead against the kitchen table, trying to calm yourself down. “Bad news again?” Sihyeon said exiting the bathroom, her hair perfectly styled into soft waves and a tight purple cocktail dress adorning her figure. “It just doesn’t make any sense. Why would I keep getting rejected? Is there something I’m not seeing?” You were exasperated and couldn’t help the tears that came to your eyes.

           You wanted independence and to maintain yourself. Here you go…Sure you knew being an adult wasn’t easy and despite how naïve they called you, the struggle was always part of the journey. Despite this, it felt like there was something you were missing as if someone was playing a cruel joke on you. “You could always call them,” Sihyeon remarked as she put on her heels. “No. Absolutely not. I haven’t stooped that low.” Your roommate sighed and walked over to where you were sitting, leaning over the chair and giving you a back hug. “You don’t have to start again, but maybe just ask them for advice. Or at least talk to Hoseok. He always knows what to do.” Sihyeon was just trying to help, had she known everything she would have never suggested you go back. She might have even prohibited it. Her not knowing was for her own safety though and for it not to affect her relationship with her ‘clients’ as she called them. “Maybe, I don’t know. Hurry up you don’t want to be late.” There was fear in your eyes and Sihyeon noticed but being the friend, she is she merely kissed your cheek and promised to text you when she arrived and left. It didn’t matter, Sihyeon wouldn’t come home tonight but it was a matter of precaution. Being a sugar baby was a dangerous profession at times and you, unfortunately, found that out far too late.

           You stared at your phone intensely, the face reflecting back being one of fear but desperation. Maybe she’s right. I just have to text one of them and ask for advice, the others won’t find out and I’ll go on merrily. It couldn’t be Hoseok though, he had been the first one you met and the one you had been the most hurt by. Seokjin was a better option: he was more rational and arguably the one you had spent the least amount of time with. Yes, Seokjin is the better option. Grabbing your phone, you opened the messaging app and pressed create a new message. When you found his contact, you hovered slightly over it, debating whether this was the right choice or not. Seokjin wasn’t fond of texting and preferred talking, saying there was far too much room for misinterpretation through text. You weren’t sure you could hold a conversation with him, but maybe leaving a voice mail might not hurt. So, you pressed the green phone icon and waited until the ringing echoed, it was funny how you knew exactly when he would pick up: always on the fifth ring. “Kim Seokjin speaking.” Fuck. “Hi, it’s [Y/n] [Y/l/n], I’m sorry to call you at such an unfortunate time. Are you busy?” You were tripping over your own words and were anxious at what his reply might be. “I’m always busy. What do you want?” Seokjin had never been the most affectionate individual, but the complete lack of human emotion in his voice let you know he no longer cared.

“You know what, never mind. Forget I called. I apologize for taking up your time.” You bit your lip and began to pace around the small apartment. This had been a mistake. Of course, he would hate your guts now, wouldn’t all of them? They felt used and abandoned. Their worst fear, materializing in the flesh. You waited for him to reply rudely or simply to hang up, but he didn’t. “[Y/n] I don’t have time to discuss this right now. Meet me tonight at St. Pierre’s around seven. I’ll be at the bar.” It was something you would end regretting later, you were sure of it. Nonetheless, you agreed to meet Seokjin there in hopes that he could help. All you could do was hope he didn’t misunderstand the purpose of your call or inform the other six. You could only pray.

St. Pierre’s was an upper-class restaurant that was a hybrid between French and Italian cuisine. It was in the heart of the city, but due to its ridiculous price and it always been booked only the elite of society got to enjoy it. You had the pleasure of being there three times in your life: when you met Hoseok, when you met the others, and now. Its elegant fifteenth-century inspired interior mixed the haunting roman architecture was a sight to behold. The bar, in itself, looked like something crafted by Rafael with it being made completely out of marble. It was something that when you had first come you had been afraid of touching, thinking that your second-class status would somehow ruin its elegance. The bar was mostly desolate except for a couple at the very corner sipping on wine. You could tell by her age and his demeanor their relationship: the younger man laughed but didn’t reach his eyes. His suit while fitted wasn’t of high fabric merely an imitation. The clothes she wore were simple, but anyone with a fine eye could tell the quality far surpassed anything bought at a department store. Before you would’ve never noticed things like this but being around them had changed the way you viewed the world. It also made it easy to spot anyone who was a sugar baby when you had been one not so long ago. Those thoughts brought a soft smile to your face as you remember how it all began…

_Thirteen Months Ago_

           “Lola?”

           You looked up from your phone to see a handsome man in a silk black buttoned-down and tight slacks standing in front of you. His face exactly like the profile picture, you had just been staring at. “Jung Hoseok?” You asked, standing up to greet him. To your surprise, instead of shaking your hand the man immediately went for a hug. “It’s nice to meet you. I have to admit I was a bit worried that you wouldn’t look like your picture.” There was relief in his voice and you too had worried about the same thing. “Yeah, same.” The two of you sat down with a waiter coming over and pouring water into the empty glasses before dismissing himself. Hoseok seemed to be analyzing you, taking in every detail of your face, it was a bit unnerving. As was the silence between the two of you. “Sorry, I’ve never done this before, so I don’t really know what to do…” You trailed off fiddling with the hem of your dress. “It's okay, I’m not an expert either nor do I expect you to be. Why don’t you start out by telling me about yourself? Like what about your name?” Hoseok smiled, leaning back into his chair. How did he? “How do you know Lola isn’t my name?” You questioned before it dawned on you that he didn’t, and you had just revealed it yourself. If you could facepalm at that moment you would’ve. “You don’t look like a Lola. That and I called your name like twice before.” Oh. You licked your lips before speaking, “[Y/n.]” If possible, Hoseok smiled even wider. His lips resembling a heart. “So [Y/n] why do you want to start sugaring?”

_Present_

           “I thought the last time we spoke you said you never wanted to see any of us again.” Kim Seokjin looked like something out a romantic era painting, with his sharp yet delicate features. The way he was human but gave off this grandeurs aura few could give. You toyed around with the straw in your drink, it was sprite with a lime in it to make it look like alcohol. If you were intoxicated, you would make bad decisions and god knows this already was one. “Last time we spoke was today and you said to meet you here.” He hated when you play dumb, you weren’t doing it on purpose, but rather to avoid the inevitable. Best not to dwell on the past for it wouldn’t bring it back. Seokjin took a seat on the barstool next to yours, waving the bartender away when he came forward. It seems he wasn’t keen on drinking either, not that you could blame him. “To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you? It’s not every day an ex-lover calls to chat.” His words were meant to appear light, but you could see the way his jaw was locked, and his teeth were slightly clenched. Ex-lover. There was a problem.

           “I was never your lover Jin, that isn’t what we agreed on. We also never spoke of becoming lovers.” Subconsciously you reached out towards him, but the second your fingers touched his Seokjin recoiled; as if being burnt by your touch. It hurt. “Well then, why did you call me [Y/n]?” The longer you stared into his eyes, the more you knew this wasn’t going to work. There was pain, wrath, but also insanity swirling around in his pupils. Seokjin could only take so much until he cracked, and you didn’t want a repeat of that night. “I’m sorry Jin, this was a mistake. I’m sorry for wasting your time and taking up your night. I hope you have a good life.” You took out your wallet and dropped what you owed before attempting to slide off the chair. Attempt was the right word, as Seokjin immediately took hold of your forearm prohibiting you from leaving. “We aren’t done talking until you tell me why you called me.” His voice had lowered significantly, his hand applying more pressure to your arm by the second. “Seokjin, you’re hurting me. Let go.” You whimpered, trying to pull your arm away. It only served to have him pull you closer, your body taut against his.

           “You hurt us, [Y/n]. You made us fall for you, only to toss us aside when we weren’t necessary. Now what you come back only to parade in front of me and then abandon me again, I don’t think so.” Tears began to spring to your eyes as a deranged look overtook Seokjin. Your arm turning white from lack of blood. It was the way he had stared at you that night. The way they all stared at you. It made you want to cry out for help, thankfully you didn’t have to. “Is everything okay?” You didn’t recognize the voice, but when you turned you saw it was the older lady with her sugar baby beside her. The woman’s elegant features wrinkled into a frown at your expression. Seokjin immediately released you and masked his face, “Everything is fine. Sorry if we scared you.” You took the opportunity to excuse yourself and head straight for the exit. Ordering an uber and getting in, before Seokjin could find you.

_Eleven Months Ago_

           Hoseok and you had a lunch date scheduled with a business partner of his. The two of them trying to acquire a developing technology from an old ahjussi. You were there to entertain his wife who Hoseok had described as ‘simple-minded but nice.’ You weren’t sure if it was a compliment or not. You also weren’t sure of your role only that you were Hoseok’s date. Though the two of you had spent some time together it was usually alone, Hoseok wasn’t a fan of public outings and since learning of his position as head of a major corporation, neither were you. “You look stunning.” Hoseok had told you, when you had met him at the restaurant thirty minutes before the meeting was scheduled. Hoseok had gifted you a baby blue cap sleeve dress to wear today and you loved it. The two of you had never really agreed on your payment: sometimes it would be gifts, outings, or sometimes he would deposit five hundred dollars to into your PayPal account.

           “Oh, I have a friend I would love for you to meet. His name is Kim Seokjin, we’ve known each other since high school.” From the fondness in his tone, it seemed Seokjin meant a lot to Hoseok. So, you smiled and nodded, hoping the man was as nice as Hoseok described him to be. Not even five minutes later, a black Audi pulled up to the curve and out stepped a man so beautiful, the gods might envy him. He quickly looked around and smiled the moment his eyes met Hoseok’s. That must be him. Seokjin handed the car keys to the valet and walked towards the two of you, his eyes never leaving Hoseok as the two embraced. “How have you been, Hobi? I haven’t seen you in forever.” His voice was higher pitched than you had imagined, but it suited him somehow. The two exchanged pleasantries until the focus shifted onto you. “Jin this is [Y/n]. She’s the one I’ve been telling you about.” You didn’t know why Hoseok had been speaking to his friends about you, but all those thoughts disappeared when Seokjin finally looked at you.

           There was such potency and intimacy in his stare, you felt as if the world around you had faded and all that was left was him and you. Seokjin’s eyes trailed down your body as if he was drinking you in. You should’ve known he was trouble just from that. What should’ve tipped you off to how dangerous he truly was, is how he was able to return to normalcy in the blink of an eye. “Nice to meet you, [Y/n]. Hope we can be friends.” Seokjin had no intention of being friends with you and you had known it since then.

_Present_

           It wasn’t until you reached your apartment and fished your phone out of your clutch that you saw all the missed messages and calls from Sihyeon. Fearing the worst, you immediately called her, “Sihyeon what’s going on?” Tonight had been stressful and things were only going to get worse. “[Y/n] you won’t believe what I just find out. I was speaking to Jeonhan about your situation and he said he would investigate it. Well, he dug around, and you’ve been blacklisted by Kim Communications. That’s why you can’t get a job.” It took all of your will power in that second not to scream, rage, or break down into a fit of tears. “Sihyeon I’ll have to call you back.” You didn’t even wait until she replied, simply hanging up. The sob that had been latched in your throat since this morning finally escaped and you broke down, falling to the floor.

           If you could turn back time and never have met them, you would. If you could turn back time and never had agreed to become their sugar baby or even going on that stupid trip you would’ve. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, and you would have to live with the consequences of your actions. It would be so much easier to crawl into bed and cry yourself to sleep, but you had already gotten out of that phase weeks ago. Plus, you would be damned if you gave them the satisfaction of seeing you broken without them. You willed yourself to stop crying and opened your phone once again, going straight for the bastard’s contact. He might have blocked you, who knows, Jimin was the pettiest but Taehyung wasn’t too far behind apparently. Not only had he fucked with your feelings, but with your livelihood and that was not acceptable. Nor would you take it in stride. Despite being older it seems Taehyung couldn’t take the high road.

Y/l/n Y/n: I know what you did.

Kim Taehyung: Well if it isn’t Miss Independent.

Y/l/n Y/n: This is serious Taehyung. Why would you do something like this?

Kim Taehyung: Do what? ;) 

Y/l/n Y/n: I’ll sue you for defamation of character.

Kim Taehyung: You don’t have the money to do that.

You threw your phone against the pillows and watched it bounce back onto the mattress. Taehyung had always caused your blood to boil, but instead of passion, all that you felt was pure hatred. But why? Taehyung had once offered you a job at his company, as his secretary of course. He would often joke about the rendezvous the two of you would have while the rest of the office remained oblivious. Most of the times you would shoot down his ideas, telling him you didn’t want to get a job simply because you were screwing the boss. Sometimes though you would entertain his delusions. Teasing him about this or that: anywhere from getting him coffee in the mornings to quickies during the break. Taehyung never seemed to understand that you were joking, however. It got to the point where he nearly submitted a fake application for you, the only reason it didn’t happen was because of the trip the eight of you took and the aftermath of it. Your phone’s screen lit up once again, Taehyung having sent another message.

Kim Taehyung: Meet me for lunch tomorrow and we can discuss it.

Y/l/n Y/n: You wish.

           You received an email from Paypal, the subject being a new transaction. Your curiosity was piqued, so you opened the app: seven hundred dollars had just been sent to you from Taehyung’s account. If you had been upset before that action was a slap to the face. A scoff exited your lips and you went back to the previous screen, typing away as fast as you could.

Y/l/n Y/n: Go fuck yourself Kim Taehyung.

Kim Taehyung: Why when I can pay you to do it?

           At that point, no words could describe how you felt. You blocked his number, refunded the money, and turned off your phone. Today had been a long day and tomorrow would be even longer. You quickly changed into your pajamas and got into bed, turning off the lights in an attempt to sleep peacefully. That wouldn’t happen. Your brain was in overdrive: recalling and analyzing every single moment shared between you and the men trying to figure out where it went wrong. Where their feelings changed or where their obsession began. Why you had agreed on going on that trip and what you could’ve avoided had you simply never met Hoseok, to begin with. Eventually, you grew so tired that sleep came to you.

           You didn’t know how long you had been asleep, but it felt like four-five hours maximum. Though your eyelids were heavy something willed you to wake up, an uncomfortable feeling overtaking your body. You flipped your body around, so you were laying on your back and facing your bedroom door. Slowly you willed one eye open, though your eyesight was still blurry you managed to make out a figure standing by your door. The sun hadn’t yet risen, so a greyish hue took over your room. “Sihyeon? Did you just get back?” You croaked, still trying to focus your eyes. Sihyeon didn’t respond and you frowned but were finally able to see who was standing there: none other than Kim Namjoon. Immediately you jumped back pressing yourself against the headrest while looking over to where your phone was charging on your bedside table. It was gone. “Your friend was a little intoxicated, so I offered her a ride home. I didn’t know you had switched apartments.” There was something so smooth about the way Namjoon spoke, he reminded you of a television villain. Someone who could describe the way he was about to murder your entire family but do it in the most charismatic and charming way possible. That’s how you knew you were fucked when he spoke like that.

           Namjoon was waiting for you to respond but you refused. Knowing that one wrong word would set him off and he could either pounce on you or destroy your life with a simple phone call. Taehyung had already done that, so he didn’t need to do that much. Oh my god, Sihyeon. Your eyes dragged from him over to your door, he seemed to notice for Namjoon rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Don’t worry she’s just had a bit too much to drink. I found her stumbling around her boyfriend’s hotel lobby, figured she could use some help. He’s not her boyfriend. “Jeonhan isn’t her boyfriend.”  You snapped back, you could see the anger in his face by the way his jaw tightened. His eyebrow-raising, before he decided to walk around the bed, taking a seat right in front of you. You tried to push yourself up against the headboard as much as you could, but he was still only at armlengths. “Where’s my phone Namjoon?” He shrugged as if he had no idea what you were talking about. “I hear you went to meet Seokjin yesterday and that you spoke to Taehyung. Why?” Of course, he would find out the men shared everything. Even things which shouldn’t be shared. “I went to Seokjin for advice about not being able to find a job. Imagine my surprise when I found out the reason was that Taehyung had me blacklisted for no fucking reason.” The words came out without much thought, your emotions taking control.

           Truthfully you were seething but it had little impact on the man in front of you, who raised his hand to gently cup your cheek. “Taehyung’s hurt and so is Seokjin. That’s why they both acted the way they did. Both called me yesterday crying over how they treated you.” You shook your head, rolling your eyes knowing how much that pissed him off; You succeeded as his palm twitched ever so slightly. “If they wanted to apologize, they should’ve done so to me.” Why is he here? Namjoon was always the peacemaker, that was something you had noticed from the start of your relationship. He always wanted everyone to get along and be friends forever, but that wasn’t going to happen; especially not with them. “Princess, the real world is hard. I warned you didn’t I that it wasn’t a place for people like you.” God was he a great manipulator. Even now as he caressed your face and leaned in towards you, there was something inside you that wanted to believe him. That wanted to give in to him and the rest of them. It had been Namjoon that convinced you to be with all seven of them at the same time, it was he who assured you nothing bad would happen, you’d be damned to repeat the same mistake. “I can’t Namjoon. I won’t. I can’t just lie around and depend on others to maintain me. I can’t live off others like a leech.” They had once commented on how they loved your independence. How refreshing it was to be with someone who could stand on their own, even if you were taking money and gifts from them. They only loved your independence as long as you depended on them for it.

           “You had no problem doing it for an entire year.” On the surface, Namjoon looked remarkably calm but underneath there was fire burning and you weren’t about to get caught in it. Gently you took his hand off your cheek, placing it on top of his other hand resting on the covers. “I think you should go, Namjoon.” When Sihyeon woke up you would explain everything to her. Explain why you had switched apartments and moved in with her. Why if she ever saw the men the smartest thing to do was avoid them entirely. Namjoon stood up, adjusting his blazer and cuffs as he looked down at you. “You’re right now isn’t a good time. I’ll be sure to come by later or maybe I’ll just tell the others to stop by see if they have better luck. Maybe Hoseok might convince you.” At his name, your eyes snapped up. He wouldn’t dare. As if he could read your thoughts Namjoon smirked before leaning over you again, putting his arms on either side: trapping you in. “I would. Even if it meant letting the others know where you’ve been hiding all this time. Even if it meant having to destroy your life just so you would finally understand. Or maybe I would do something far worse…” Namjoon pressed his lips against your forehead, before finally standing back up and leaving the room.

           You stayed frozen in shock until you heard the slamming of the front door. Something far worse…Your eyes widened, and you bolted out of bed running straight towards Sihyeon’s room. When you tried to open the door, it was locked and wouldn’t budge. You tried throwing all your weight onto it, kicking it down, even calling for her was useless. Finally, after what seemed like forever the door gave in and the lock came unhinged, you threw the door open hoping for a miracle.

_Nine and half months ago_

           The upper floor of St. Pierre’s had a private dining room fit with a balcony that could be rented out for special occasions. The minimum the party had to spend along with the rental fee was two hundred dollars, something that was nothing but change for the men you were accompanying. The view from the balcony was splendid getting to see all of the downtown area whilst none could see you because of how high up you were. The view wasn’t why you were out here, it was because you needed to step away and think about what had just been propositioned. This wasn’t what you signed up for and sure the pay would be more than what some people make in their entire lives, but at what cost. At what cost. “How are you holding up?” You couldn’t help but be startled, turning around to see none other than Kim Namjoon walking towards you. He smiled softly, “Didn’t mean to scare you. You’ve just been out here for a while and it’s worrying the others.” Even in the dark night and with the low lighting from the two lanterns secured on the balcony, Namjoon was glowing. He looked ethereal and you wondered how you had managed to attract someone like him. How had you managed to attract all seven of them was beyond you.

           “I don’t know what to do.” You spoke softly, gazing out into the city. You felt his eyes on you but refused to meet them as you were far too anxious. “Say yes.” You chuckled but there was no humor in your voice, “I don’t think I can do what you all are asking me to do. Seven people? I barely know what to do with Hobi and I-” His fingers gripped your chin and turned your face towards him. There was something in his eyes, something you hadn’t seen before, he spoke so carefully and softly as if you were a child. “So say yes. You hold the reigns in the relationship. There’s nothing we can do without your consent first. Sure, you would be ours, but we would be yours.” He stepped closer until the two of you were pressed against each other. “Haven’t you ever wanted just for a second in your life to be cared for? No worrying about rent, taxes, not having enough money for food. You can simply focus on your studies and experience things others only dream of.” There was something about his words, they were a mirage. Something that couldn’t really be achieved, but you wanted it so badly. His tongue was coated in honey and you longed to taste it. Perhaps sensing your reluctance, Namjoon spoke again. “If you ever want to stop or get to a place where you no longer need us, they’ll be no hard feelings. We’ll part ways and leave sweet memories behind.”

           Those had been the words that sold you on the entire idea. They had been whispered so seductively into your ear that you had taken them as facts when they were nothing more than baseless lies. They had lied to you to get you where they wanted. Now that you were no longer theirs, they would do anything to get you back.

_Present_

           The monitor beeped constantly as it tracked Sihyeon’s heart rate and respiration. “[Y/n] I’m fine. You didn’t have to bring me here.” She hadn’t been fine. When you broke into her room, Siheyon had been passed out in a pool of her own vomit. Your first instinct was to check if she was breathing and when you felt a faint pulse, you immediately called the ambulance. Now she was awake and sipping on some Gatorade to help with her alcohol poisoning. You could see the embarrassment on her face, Sihyeon wasn’t an avid drinker nor did she mix drinks. “I honestly don’t know what happened after I left Jeonhan’s room. It’s like I blacked out or something.” Truth be told, you should’ve told Sihyeon everything that had happened once she woke up, but you hadn’t. Not to protect Namjoon or anything, but because Sihyeon was clearly not in the right state of mind and she was the type to overreact: drive over to all their companies and set them ablaze whilst screaming out of a megaphone – overreact. She needed to heal and not stress over your troubles which only seemed to worsen as time went on. Jeonhan had contacted Siheyon and said he would visit when his lunch break rolled around, Sihyeon had groaned when she realized it meant he would see her without makeup.

           “Sihyeon, you’re in a hospital. I’m sure he isn’t expecting you to look like a supermodel or anything.” You rationalized as you braided her hair, she had begged you to claim it ‘looks like a rat’s nest.’ Some color had finally returned to her cheeks and the doctors had said that once the alcohol level in her blood had dropped, she could return home. There had been some judgment on their faces when they noticed her appearance but had quickly changed their expression when you pulled out Jeonhan’s black credit card. There isn’t a thing money can’t buy, well except for love. Sihyeon had received top-notch care and had even been placed in a private hospital room instead of the beds down in the emergency wing. “I hope he doesn’t think this happens all the time. He knows I don’t drink a lot.” Sihyeon played with her fingers anxiously, in her line of work opinions and reputation were everything. If Jeonhan grew bored he could toss her aside and simply find a new sugar baby to satisfy his needs, Sihyeon was beautiful so it's not like she would have trouble finding someone else to maintain her but Jeonhan was her favorite thus far. “Of course, he does. Don’t stress just don’t tell him about the alcohol poisoning and say he tired you out so much you passed out. That’ll boost his ego.” He might not entirely believe her, but it wouldn’t matter. “I’ll keep the doctors out of the room, okay?” You finished up her braid and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “Thank you, [Y/n]. You’re the best.”

           A knock on the door caused you to help Sihyeon adjust her gown before speaking out, “Come in.” When you had first met Jeonhan you hadn’t been too sure of him, the man looked disinterested in just about everything. All of that changed whenever he looked at Sihyeon his eyes would fill with joy as he stared at her, the same happened when he walked into the hospital room. The man headed straight for Sihyeon taking in her appearance, before placing a rather large bouquet in her hands. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Nicknames were a must, Sihyeon had once told you first names were too intimate. That’s why it always surprised her when that was all the men would call you by unless you were in trouble. “[Y/n].” A raspy voice spoke out and you turned back to the door to find Yoongi standing there. Jeonhan finally acknowledges your presence, more like nodded at you and turned back to Sihyeon. “Yoongi-hyung and I were supposed to have lunch, but I wanted to see you.” Sihyeon giggled in childish glee. A part of you finding their interaction sweet, while the other part of you knew it was all pretending.

           You had been so wrapped up in the two ‘lovebirds’ sitting on the bed, you failed to notice Yoongi had approached you until he grasped your hand. “Can I speak with you?” Yoongi was never awkward and always had a mask of nonchalance present on his face, now he was the complete opposite. Yoongi seemed fidgety and uncomfortable, in his eyes you saw deep frustration and desperation. “Fine.” You excused yourself from the room, going out into the hall waiting for Yoongi to join you. Instead of stopping right beside you, he kept walking heading towards the end of the hall. You debated on whether to follow him before deciding it was best to get these things over with. It was when you passed a phlebotomist pushing a trolley filled with needles that you remembered. How long has he been clean for? Yoongi had begun rehab right before you had parted ways with them, that would explain his behavior. A pang of guilt hit you as you finally met up with him. He still looked the same though the bags under his eyes were more prominent and he seemed more on edge; either cause of the drugs or you. Maybe both.

           “How have you been Yoongi?” He simply snickered at your question, his tone entirely sardonic. “How do you think I’ve been?” Despite being an addict, Yoongi always looked impeccable. Even now when he seemed to be at a breaking point, he still managed to exude power. “I’m sorry Yoongi.” You were sorry, you hadn’t been the cause of his problems, but you had contributed to them in some way. Yoongi simply stared at you intensely before he swooped down pressing his lips against yours. Your first instinct was to pull away, you couldn’t once you tasted the salty tears on your lips. Yoongi kissed you for another minute until he finally pulled back, the tears had stopped but his eyes were swollen and red. “You said you would never leave me and you did [Y/n].” It was as if someone had plunged a knife straight into his heart. “I couldn’t stay when me being near you was making you worse.” Yoongi had taken a hold of your arms and was shaking violently. “So what you use me and get to toss me aside when you don’t want me?! I won’t let you.” The melancholy in his eyes had been replaced by wrath, his hands digging into your skin too harshly you knew there would be bruises. “If you don’t come back to me, to us. I’ll make sure everyone finds out the kind of person you are and not just you, I ruin Sihyeon’s life as well. No one wants to be dating a whore and I’m sure Jeonhan will drop her the moment he finds out everything.”

           Finds out what? You frowned and there was confusion evident on your face, at which Yoongi only smirked. He leaned into your ear and whispered what it is he had against Sihyeon, your eyes widening in fear. “Unless you want to drag your friend down to where you are, you do well to remember your place.” He released you and quickly walked away, leaving you to spiral in the corner of the hall. Your life was falling apart bit by bit and there was nothing you could do about it. A dry heave left you as Yoongi’s frame slowly got smaller and smaller. You glanced around until you noticed a bathroom sign only a few feet away, you practically ran to it. Closing the door behind you and locking it, you stared at the mirror. Your face was devoid of color, eyes wide and fearful, you hadn’t realized you were crying until you saw the tear streaks down your face. Hesitantly you took off your sweater only to see large hand marks on your biceps, where Yoongi had grabbed you.

_Seven Months Ago_

Yoongi was always careless with his strength leaving your body riddled with bruises and tonight would be no different. You were thankful that winter had rolled around, and that wearing scarves or turtlenecks was acceptable, as he was sure to leave a large bruise on your neck with the amount of pressure he was applying. The two of you were naked on top of his custom queen bed, the headboard crashing against the wall mimicking Yoongi’s thumping into your core. You moaned his name which only served to encourage him more, his pace becoming quicker. “Y-yoongi p-please.” The man had spent all afternoon teasing you, taking you to the edge only to never allow you the bliss of coming undone. “Fuck. Do you know what you do to me? You’re better than anything out there [Y/n].” Yoongi was beyond high, his pupils completely dilated and pulse racing. A part of you knew it couldn’t be weed that he was on, but you knew better than to question it. What Yoongi did with his life was his business, you knew your place. “Fuck [Y/n]. Where do you belong? Who do you belong to?” At this point the two of you had become completely erratic, biting and scratching at each other in the name of lust.

When you didn’t immediately reply Yoongi applied more pressure on your throat, making it difficult to breathe properly. “I belong to you Yoongi. I belong underneath you.” He wasn’t satisfied. Yoongi raised your leg placing it on his shoulder and began to grind against you from a new angle, one where he was constantly hitting your g-spot. “Who do you belong to?” A guttural groan exited his lips, as Yoongi tried his hardest not to come. Not until he was sure you knew the answer. “Yoongi, S-seokjin, Hobi, Namjoon, Jimin, Kookie, and Taehyung.” The names escaped your lips as a mantra of sorts, your abdomen beginning to tighten once again. “Yoongi.” You whined, he silenced you with a kiss. “Come with me. You can come, baby girl.”

_Present_

           “Hello? Miss? Is everything alright?” The pounding on the door awakened you from your thoughts. Splashing some water on your face, you pull a smile on your face and exit the bathroom. A concerned nurse standing in front of you, you apologize and head back into Sihyeon’s room finding her alone toying with the flowers on her lap. “Where did you go to?” She asked, a smile on her face. Jeonhan made her happy, you had never seen her as happy with any other client of hers. “I spoke with Yoongi and went to the bathroom. Sorry, I took long.” You shrugged, trying to hide the uneasiness in your voice. “Nah don’t worry. I’m glad the two of you are still friends since you broke up.” You hummed in agreeance and chose to walk over to the chair left of the hospital bed. The moment you sat down all of your muscles relaxed, it felt as if you had run a marathon. Your legs as heavy as lead and your heart even heavier. “Oh, that reminds me Jeonhan said Yoongi forgot to give this to you.” Sihyeon produced your phone from under the flowers, it was exactly as you had left it the night before. “How did Yoongi even have your phone?” You struggled to get the words out, “I accidentally left it when I met Seokjin.” Sihyeon frowned, “Didn’t we talk on the phone last night?” Oh, so that you remember. “I was still with Seokjin when you called. I left in such a hurry, I must’ve forgotten it.” You smiled sheepishly. Sihyeon seemed doubtful but decided to leave it at that.

           The best thing about Sihyeon was she didn’t hover. That’s why she had been the perfect roommate when you suddenly had to move apartments. She had never questioned why you did what you did or how you ended up finding out she had the same ‘profession’ as you. Sihyeon never commented on the paranoia that hung on your shoulders. All she asked is who you had been involved with and displayed recognition upon learning you were the girl who swept ‘the seven’ off their feet. You had waited until Sihyeon drifted off to sleep, to examine your phone. The device was off, so you pressed the power button and waited until your lock screen popped up being horrified when it did. A picture of you decked out in lingerie smiling back at you. Immediately you opened up the gallery only to find similar pictures and even more proactive ones; hundreds flooding the storage space. You looked back at the lock screen picture, analyzing it trying to remember when or who took them. The hardwood floor underneath something you immediately recognized, along with the fuzzy carpet you laid on. Once the phone established a connection again, a text message came in from none other than the photographer himself.

Jeon Jungkook: Let’s talk.

[softballum]

So here’s something no one ever asked for. I’ve never written fic in my life, but heres 2k words of my ramblings.

I thought about this all day yesterday and had an idea for a ‘fix it’ for after Monday 1st’s episode. I really thought Ben might actually confide in Callum but I guess not. 

Anyway, hope you enjoy if you do read it!!

I’ve Got You

He’s been squeezing his eyes shut for what feels like hours now. The rooms pitch black and for once its completely silent in and out of the flat. Callum can only hear his own anxious breathing and the faint mumblings of the buildings plumbing. The t-shirt he wears to bed offers him no comfort like normal. Its scratching the back of his neck, the stitches feel like they’re burning into his skin. He’d managed a few pints with the lads earlier and was content with how the night had gone. The alcohol would normally make him drowsy, make him yawn till his bones ached and he carried himself off to bed. Right now though, it's like he can feel it buzzing in his veins, angsty to get up from the horizontal position he’s in.

He can’t sleep if he knows Ben is supposed to be next to him. Sometimes he’ll briefly wake up in the small hours of the morning and brush his hand across the mattress. Just to feel Ben’s warm skin beneath his fingertips. Some days he still can’t believe that what he has with Ben is real, that he wants to spend the most vulnerable hours of his day, lying next Callum. He knows he’s overreacting. Ben had let Callum know he’d promised to put Lexi to bed tonight and spend some much needed, quality cuddling time with her. He’ll have let her stay up a little longer so he can read an extra few pages of Lexis favourite fantasy. Unique character voices and all. Or he’s sat having a cuppa with his Mum. Kathy fretting over him with extra cake she’d made for the cafe that morning, knows its Ben’s favourite. It’ll be as simple as that. Nothing for Callum to worry about. 

But he knew he got a weird vibe from Ben this morning, shooing him off like that. Ben didn’t want to be a hindrance to Callum making new mates and now he’s avoiding him. He goes to pick up his phone from the bedside table almost knocking it off completely. He squints when he unlocks the screen, the brightness edging on his irritation. He opens up his text conversation with Ben, the glasses wearing emoji in his contact grinning at him. He sees that Ben still hasn’t replied to his earlier message about when he’d be home. He contemplates sending another, starts tapping on the back space with a loud sigh.

“He doesn’t need you checking up on him, you idiot. You ain't his mother” he mutters to himself, scowling at the wall in front of him. But Callum just cares, cares with his whole chest and he hates the thought of Ben avoiding him. After Ben’s confessions and brash words in the middle of the square the other night, things have been a bit…off kilter between them, but it won’t stop Callum from caring about him. He knows Ben still has this hard exterior up and its only being built higher the more he believes he’s not worth Callum’s affections.

Callum jumps when he hears the flat door slam a moment later, startling him from his thoughts. He waits for the increasing volume of Bens feet up the stairs, but they don’t come. Callum lies on his back holding his breath. His eyes darting about the dark ceiling like it will give him the answers he’s looking for. After a few unnerving seconds, the heavy thumps of Ben’s boots make their way on to the landing. Callum open’s the bedroom door with a gentle touch not wanting Ben to think he’s been clock watching his arrival back to the flat.

“Ben…?” He says it so quietly, he struggles to hear it himself. “Ben.”

Ben sees the change in light of Callum walking closer to him out the corner of his eye. Whipping his head up to meet the creased expression on Callum’s face.

“Hi, you alright?” He signs as he speaks. “Lexi enjoy her story yeah?”.

It takes Ben a moment to put it together. He clears his throat, teetering on the edge of nervousness.

“Yeah, she’s great..yeah” he answers, still glancing at Callum’s hands in mid air.

“I text you earlier. Didn’t want to leave you on your lonesome too long if I was out. Didn’t think you’d still be at your Mum’s.” He makes sure Ben can see his mouth move with each word, but even he can feel himself rambling.

Ben’s staring, mouth just slightly agape in concentration but he’s not caught a word. He blinks harshly against the little light coming from the living room lamp. His head is bursting. The ringing in his ears is still ever present and it feels like it’s pushing down on him from above. The pressure is too much. His hands feel cold but his palms are clammy. They’re balled up into fists, shoved deeply into the pockets of his leather jacket. He can’t even feel the pain of his nails digging into the calloused flesh. Hands that not all that long ago were holding a gun, punching some thugs and driving the get away car for him and Phil. He can feel his breathing picking up, leather jacket sticking to the back of his neck, like a bad dream following you around. He knows he needs to put on a show now, best lying performance of his life. Show Callum that everything is as it should be. Take his hand and lead him to the bed they share and at least try and get some rest. He can do that. He can. He’s lied to Callum about dodgy jobs and his family life so many times already, hidden his darkest secrets from him time and time again, it should feel easy. Easier than this. He needs to get away, run to the bathroom or grab a glass of water from the kitchen. Anything to get out from under the careful gaze of Callum. If he’s not looking straight at him, maybe, just maybe he could get away with the facade. But he’s stuck to the floor, his boots suddenly weighing an absolute tonne. He feels nauseous now and the room is spinning, seconds away from being sick. Doesn’t know whether its because of his ears or if the need to lie to Callum for the umpteenth time that week, is finally catching up on him. It was different when it was about Keanu. He could just push and push and it worked, for a time. It’s different now though. He needs Callum, needs him so much even he doesn’t realise. He can’t just push him away anymore, he agreed to be better, but right now he can’t do better.

“Phone Ben? Did you get my text?” Callum’s thumb hovers over his other four fingers, motioning to him.

Ben blinks again. Swallows hard, his throat dry and scratching. Concentrate, he thinks.

“Uhh no sorry. Not picked it up for hours.” Another lie, good. He drags it out his jean pocket ready to chuck it on the kitchen counter, forget about it and got to sleep with his boyfriend and pretend this night never happened. His thumb knocks the lock button though, the screen lighting up the picture of Lexi as his background. There’s a text from his Dad.

“Remember. Not a word to Callum.”

He feels himself choke, throat constricting. His eyes sting and he’s breathing harshly through his nose. He’s squeezing his phone so tightly, the bone of his knuckles could simply tear through the skin on the back of his hand. He’s getting hotter and hotter now, the rage bubbling up underneath the surface. His muscles all cramping up at his frustration. The remaining adrenaline from earlier only adding to his impending outburst.

Callum swears everything is stuck in slow motion. He sees Ben’s eyes focus on his phone, reading the same line over and over again, quicker each time he scans over the screen. Then his expression changes. He’s never seen Ben like this. Vulnerable, upset, cocky, confrontational but not this, he’s never seen him like this. He hesitates to react, doesn’t know what Ben will do or say next. No idea what could have been on his phone to make him like this. Panic starts to set in.

A sharp moment later. Ben lets out an aggressive scream, all his emotions finally coming up to the surface for air. His throat feels like its bleeding but its no match for how his head feels. His phone suddenly rips out of his hand and makes a heavy thud against the fuchsia-coloured wall of the flat, narrowly missing a photo frame. It rattles to the floor, the screen smashed and blacked out. It’s how Ben feels, bashed about and empty underneath it all.

Callums shocked into action then and runs to him, socked feet padding over the length of the living room. Ben’s pacing now. All shadows and amber street light, seeping in from the curtains. His hands grab his ears like he’s trying to pull them off. Huffing through gritted teeth, droplets of spit gathering on his lips. Eyes red raw as he scrunches them as tight as possible, defiant not to let his tears spill over and down his cheeks. Callum grabs his elbows and Ben starts to sob, noises only a broken, young man could make when he can’t carry on anymore. His cries wrack his chest, desperate to get a breath in but his emotions pull him deeper. Callum’s eyes are darting all over Ben’s figure trying to work out what could possible have happened to him and why he’s crumbling in his hands.

“Ben. Its okay, I’m here. What is it? Whats wrong?” His subconscious is using his police and army training to keep his voice as level and calm as possible,  feeling anything but.

Ben continues to cry hysterically, his shallow breaths echoing in the small space of the flat.

“Ben, please? Please let me help you. Tell me. Whatever it is”

There’s silence for a split second and Callum thinks he’s imaging all this, but Ben’s body is still trembling under his hold.

“I can’t do this” Its barely a whisper and Callum wonders if Ben even realises he’s spoken out loud.

“You what?”

“I can’t do this Callum. I can’t. I can’t do it.” And shallowly, for a moment, Callum thinks he’s talking about them. But that’s not Ben, he wouldn’t be upset like this, he’d act the hard man and pretend he’s only being that way for the protection of Callum. No, this is different.

“You can’t do what Ben? Whats happened.” He trails his hands up to the back of Ben’s, still gripping on to his ears. He tries to gently prise them away from the sides of his head. If he can’t hear or look at Callum, he can’t communicate and Callum needs Ben to know he’s there for him.

Ben slowly glances up, still huffing in short pants. His face is blotchy red and wet from his cries.

His hair is all over place, in tufts from where he’s been grabbing at it in frustration. Callum thinks he hears his own heart shatter when he finally sees his face, Ben has never looked this broken before. Callum thinks if he lets go of the sides of his head now, he might just fall apart like fine china. This is not a Ben he’s ever seen.

“I can’t Callum” he repeats.

“Cant what Ben!?” Ben can see it from Callum’s expression what he’s asking him but that’s the only way he can tell.

“I can’t hear Callum.”

“What? I know you can’t hear Ben! What are you on about?” Ben concentrates on Callum’s lips through his blurred vision.

“No Callum.” He hiccups out a broken sob. The words are right on his tongue, but its like a bad taste in his mouth. He just wants to swallow and get rid of it, but what else can he say. He takes another second, the air between the two of them fully charged. Callum just stares at him in anticipation.

“I’m deaf. I can’t hear you. At all.”

The floodgates open then and Ben is back to harsh, violent cries. His lips curling in and his eyelashes soaked with thick tears. Callum holds on to him, his mouth hanging open in shock. Ben crashes into him, head straight into Callum’s chest, balling up the cotton of his t-shirt in his hands, holding on for dear life.

Callum just holds him. Wraps one arm around Ben’s back, the other cradling the back of his head, fingers brushing through the short hair there in an attempt to soothe his boyfriend. He stumbles a little with the sheer amount of weight Ben is pushing on him. Can feel his chest tighten too, his vision becoming blurred as a stray tear rolls its way down his flushed cheek. He’s scared, scared for Ben and what this means for him. But Ben’s strong, they’re strong and Callum will do anything to see him through his.

He dips his head so his mouth meets the crown of Ben’s hair. He presses a small kiss there, silent and soft.

“Shhhh.” He hushes. “I’ve got you Ben. I’ve got you.”

[very-grownup]

THE YEAR IS 2020 AND I WATCHED NEON GENESIS EVANGELION FOR THE FIRST TIME, PART 13

Episode 25.

I spend twenty minutes after the episode ends trying to articulate what I think happened to my friends, gesticulating wildly.

The episode starts with a condensed version of the last upsetting bits of the previous episode and thus sets the ground for my difficulty in expressing my thoughts on it because of the imperfect intersection of linear narrative and metaphorical examination of selfhood. I've been trying to follow the show as a narrative, even as things dissolve, but here everything just goes STOP NO CONTEXT JUST IDEA AND INTERNAL INTERROGATION which I think I follow but I have difficulty following WHILE ALSO thinking about giant robots.

Something bad happened after the events of the last episode and maybe in the overall narrative structure that's all that matters? I guess this episode is about the question of what the end goals of all the barely understood players are vis-à-vis humanity through Shinji et al.

How can we be our fullest self? What and who informs who that self is? The passive approach, as seen in Shinji, isn't it. You cannot only do what you are directly told to do and you can't intuit what other people want you to do as unspoken directions.

The isolationist approach, as seen in Asuka, isn't it, either. Trying to act and live above and without human connections or direction has made her sense of self the most fragile. She's just a shell projecting an ideal around a core of hatred.

Misato is there as, perhaps, the end result of trying to live life like Shinji into adulthood (the result of Asuka's approach is evident because she's shattered), a projected false self created to fulfill the outside expectations of others while the inner self gets lost.

Rei I feel is the one who is closest to having it 'right' insomuch as there can be a right way to be a human being (and perhaps part of what Evangelion and its characters are grappling with is that there isn't or if there is, it's not a simple thing). She recognizes that who Rei is is shaped by Rei's interactions with other people and the passage of time and I think that Rei 3's apparent rejection or turn on Gendo's influence is because she knows that's not the entirety of it. Everyone is confronted to some degree by the fact that the version of themselves seen by other people is flawed but in Rei's case she's able to know it in a profound way because she is aware of the previous Reis and their memories but also of herself as distinct from them. So Shinji knows her but he doesn't Know Her and much of what Rei knows of others is removed, the Rei deaths and recreations putting a barrier between a direct human connection. The human connection is key but perhaps the degree to which so much of it is abstracted in Rei is why she isn't fully emotionally engaged as a person, even when her understanding of personhood is so much fuller than the others. No human connection leads to Asuka: fragile and quickly destroyed. Shinji recognizes the importance of the human connection, maybe, but fails to enact the how and in its place he has the projections of what he thinks other people want guiding him.

The people in our hearts aren't real people but just manifestations of our self speaking through puppets that look like people we know and can't substitute for human connection and create a similarly false self for the benefit of the false people projections (Misato).

Shinji's fear of being hurt by human connections results in his inability to make human connections and his holding himself up to the standards of imagined human connections which are unsatisfying and disappointing to everyone, including him.

Gendo's Human Instrumentality Project seems to be about recognizing the need for human connections, specifically individuals filling needs for each other that cannot be filled by the individual alone, both for the pursuit of fulfilling the need to find the true self but also taking humanity beyond humanity. I think it's because Gendo has sublimated his grief and sense of loss with respect to his wife into viewing the ability of individuals to obtain fulfillment and then lose it as a weakness that can be overcome.

If all of humanity loses its individuality and turns into the orange tang all humans are always complete and cannot be made incomplete by losing part of themselves. This is too much connection and gross, indistinguishable. What is the point of this if there is no individual?

Right now it looks like all approaches are imperfect and lead to failure, certainly in the context of Evangelion and these characters.

Visually everything is very cool in this episode even though the budget limitations are obvious. The work arounds are creative and inform the substance of what's being said, I think? There's distortion and dissolving and isolated figures on foldout chairs under spotlights.

My favourite thing is how the false characters, the characters talking to the real characters in the chair, are clearly drawn differently, badly, off model. Something is done to indicate their lack of realness, especially the false Shinji in Misato's heart.

I'm sorry if this commentary has become increasingly boring, I'm sorry if I'm doing or talking about Evangelion wrong or badly or pointlessly. I've really enjoyed it. This concludes my report on the penultimate episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

The final episode behind the cut.

Episode 26.

I appreciate the honesty of opening the episode with text that basically announces "look we don't have the time to explain everything so we're just going to explain it as it pertains to this microcosm called Shinji". It's a very clever/honest sort of meta acknowledgement of MAN THE BUDGET OOPS but I feel it's also in a way of framing the psychological aspect of the narrative as something that is not unique to Shinji but Shinji is merely the lens through which something more universal is viewed.

The episode seems to be divided into four distinct sections. The first bit is a ramped up version of the meditative internal discussions that have become increasingly frequent during the series. Interrogation by on screen text asking questions like are you happy, why aren't you happy, what do you want, why do you want this, why do you do that ... some of them very basic therapy sort of questions, others being refinements of that, questions meant to prompt you to look inward for an answer only you have.

But although we're told that this is an examination of Shinji sometimes Asuka is answering, sometimes Rei is answering. Sometimes they're asking the questions. Sometimes other characters are asking or elaborating, unseen.

Previously I've talked about feeling like narrative-wise things have been dissolving, when I try to recall a sequence of events, but here what's dissolving is the distinction between the characters because the experiences are unique but the feelings are inherently universal.

There's a lot of different things going on here, visually. Still portraits, reused footage from previous episodes, repeated shots of a rotary phone with the cable cut really sticks in my mind for some reason, what seem to be actual black and white photos of contemporary Japan. There's a universal quality and it's also how everything around you, all the people and experiences, make up the you that you are, shown with an outline of Shinji that's filled with rapidly flashing poorly imposed images of others that don't fit in his outline. It's cool.

That's when the episode transitions to its second bit which is, like, I don't know. It's a bit student film, it's a bit like that Loony Toons bit where Daffy Duck is talking directly to the animator who can erase and redraw him at will. It's barely animated in parts.

I had this understanding that Evangelion ran out of money near the end and that the last episode was barely animated at all and I think I assumed it would be like how I understand the second disc of Xenogears to be, just ... text because we can't do assets? But it's not. It's unpolished and sketchy and minimal, in spots just pencil drawings or roughly coloured in with markers, at one point it's just wave forms? But it was sad and weirdly beautiful and it felt like an extension of Shinji's internal struggle for meaning and understanding. Maybe because the lack of budget gives it an aesthetic similar to a student or art school film, it informs the material with a sincerity that I feel would be lacking in a more polished, traditional product. The fewer hands that can be felt in something the more /authentic/ it feels.

I, at least, have a greater patience and a great appreciation for something when I feel an authentic quality from it, even though that's only my perception. Form and substance compliment each other here, even if it's just because of budget constraints.

There's a really good part where it's just Shinji in a white void and it's, you know, about how that's the safest because there's nothing constraining him because he's the only thing, but it feels empty because how do we know what we are if we have no references. So a horizontal line is drawn and that's the ground in this white void and Shinji is then standing on the ground and it's reassuring, it's a reality that simultaneously limits your options but in limiting them defines what they are. It's just ... good.

Once things have been completely broken down it's time to I think reassemble them and that's the third part of the episode where Shinji wakes up in an otoge game where everything is good and normal and Asuka's his childhood friend, his mother is alive (but still faceless) and his father ... also exists and is not being actively cruel but hidden behind a newspaper, similarly faceless, existing but known (he's at the table, Yui is in the kitchen with her back always to the camera), Misato's his hot teacher, Rei is the new transfer student ... There's running to school with toast in mouth (from otoge Rei). Shinji's just a Normal Teen (but the normalcy is false, this weird artificial hyper normalcy that contrasts with the sad, raw realness of Shinji's life in Tokyo 3).

That's on the stage that Shinji is watching from his stool in the empty gymnasium with Misato and it goes dark and it's like ... this is another reality but I don't think it's meant to be a quantum thing but an example of the potential of, like, /imagine/ a you who is happy. So this is the fourth part of the episode and it's characters, every single character, interrogating Shinji, pointing out Shinji's flaws, and giving him ... advice? Guidance? A lot of it is ... bad. The characters recognize real problems Shinji has, that Shinji knows he has and then they tell him things which are presented as, for lack of a better term, 'solutions' to his problems of self. But a lot of them are not actionable. Some of them are little more than 'you hate yourself but have you considered ... not hating yourself?'

Much like when Shinji gets praised, once, by his father for what he did in the robot and that is assumed to be good because it's good in comparison to the nothing he's received, the words Shinji gets here are presumed good because they're actual acknowledgement of his problems.

The result is Shinji standing on the earth, surrounded by the other characters, announcing that he is determined to care for himself, and they all applaud and congratulate him and it's weird. It's presented as happy but there's no emotion. No emotion in this climax of a series that has so effectively evoked so much emotion, raw and powerful and real and relatable. It's not happy. It's not sad, either. It's just an absence of sadness. It's this orange tang safety in muted absence of loneliness or danger. I think because Shinji is given good conclusions for his problems (self-worth and love have to come from within, you need to allow yourself to care for yourself or you'll never believe completely that others can care for you) but he's not shown a good path to get there. What people tell Shinji gives him an understanding of what the goal is (happiness) but none of the tools to get him to happiness, something he has no real personal experience with, so the ending he arrives at isn't authentic. It's a false construct, like the otoge realty.

It's not a good ending but I think it wants there to be a good ending and the viewer to recognize when a 'good' ending isn't really good. It's a lot to think about. This concludes my report on the final episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel skin under a vanilla sky

Daibazaal, the planet of purple and black that seemed designed to keep Keith constantly off guard and directionally misplaced. Living in what was once Zarkon's residence still refused to sit well with him, even a year and a half after the fall of Honerva and the return of the planet he now called home with his mixed up family. Woken from his first real nights sleep in a phoeb by Axca's persistent knocking, he held his temper as he dressed. They were all exhausted. His team at any rate. Running relief missions was fulfilling in its own ways, but since had started to spread through the known universe he'd felt himself pining for the glory days of Voltron. The thrill of the fight. The feel of his lion beneath his hands. The constant bickering of his adopted castle family. It was all gone now. They'd all started to go to their seperate ways yet despite swearing to be friends forever. It wasn't like they didn't regularly catch up, weekly phone calls were very much a thing, and when the Atlas was close enough, he'd take the time to swing by to catch up with Shiro and Curtis personally, as well as Hunk and Shay, sometimes Pidge if she happened to be on board too. Dressed casually, Keith whistled at Kosmo to follow, his hands jammed into the front pocket of his black jeans as he wandered through the busy halls, a step behind Axca the whole way. Working with Axca, Zethrid and Ezor was rewarding, yet it failed to thrill him the way Voltron did, then there was the whole crush thing Axca had been nursing for him, which he'd been blind too until she'd asked him out and he'd known in the moment she was absolutely not the one for him. No. He'd fucked things right up with the one person he'd liked back on Earth and learned his lesson from his mistake. He didn't need to love anyone outside the weird collection of friends he'd made over the past few years in space. Sighing to himself, Axca turned to smile at him "You would think they'd let us rest" "Yeah. But you know mum and Kolivan. If you're breathing, you can take a mission" His mother dating Kolivan was another reason not to come back home as often as he did. It wasn't that he had anything against Kolivan at all, he didn't know how to act when they were holding hands or leaning into each other. Kolivan was still the same hard taskmaster he'd always been, and his boss... who was now dating his mother, which lead to mental images he definitely didn't need. Following Axca into the control room, Kolivan and Krolia were waiting for him. Kolivan frowning deeply as he approached with Kosmo, earning him a nudge in the ribs from Krolia "Keith! I'm sorry to wake you, but we need you for a mission immediately" He'd already deduced as much. Following the pair over to one of the tables, his mother started pulling up files on its holotop "We have a missing operative. He was on his way to an arms deal when we lost contact with him. He's now over a movement late reporting in, and no sign of him has been seen at any of the rebel camps in the Ghazex quadrant" Reaching down, Keith manipulated the files with his finger tips. It seemed all above board, the sellers of the goods honestly not caring where their clientele came from provided they paid up front and collected the goods from the designated coordinates "You want me to head out there and check for signs of life?" "We've been in contact with rebel forces and they found nothing. The weapons themselves aren't so important as the intel that could be gained through interrogations. There've been a number of odd occurrences in the sector space, that's why the meet was arrange there. Guile felt sure there was a link there between these occurrences and the gun runners" Guile barely looked older than Shiro, despite being four times his age. Nodding, Keith transferred the files to his wrist communicator "I'll leave immediately" Looking up from the table, his mother and Kolivan shared a long look at each other as they silently communicated, Kolivan giving a small nod of his head, granting his mother permission to continue "Keith. We're sending you alone on this one. You'll need to stay below the radar. If it proves to be nothing, then take your time coming back. You're supposed to be on standby as it" "I'm fine. You worry too much" "I'm your mother, it's my job" He was already 23, practically 24, he didn't need his mother's constant worry. He ran his own team, had fought in countless scuffles before their lions had left, and afterwards. He really didn't need his hand held. Quiznak, he'd even been nominated to rule the whole damn planet... Crossing his arms, he frowned at his parental figures "I'll be fine" "Why don't you give Shiro a call once you've checked things out? It's been a while since you saw any of the others" "Mum. If there's something you're trying to say, say it already" "I'm not trying to say anything. It's simply been a while since you spent some quality time with them" "I talk to them every weekend by video call. They're all fine" "But when is the last time you saw them?" "A few weeks ago? Before the last mission?" "You've only seen them once since Allura's memorial. Curtis is driving Shiro crazy" Keith raised and eyebrow. That couldn't be right. He distinctly remembered dinner with Hunk and Shay, with Curtis and Shiro casting enough sideways glances at each other to make Hunk blush in second hand shame. After the death of Adam, Keith knew his adoptive brother was capable of moving on, despite how deep the wound ran. It'd only been a matter of weeks between Adam's death and their return. As Adam's brother, Curtis understood Shiro's pain in a way Keith couldn't. Curtis had been there for Adam, he'd been there as Adam had fallen apart over their broken engagement, Shiro's disappearance, the reappearance of Sam Holt... and somehow along the way they'd bonded deeply yet both were hesitant to take the next step so as to not tarnish Adam's memory. Keith personally thought Adam was a dick for breaking off the engagement when all Shiro wanted was one last trip to space. They'd both hidden from him how much Shiro had suffered with his condition, Keith not noticing the subtle small ways Adam would check how Shiro was fairing with just a touch or a look. Now Curtis was the one to cast Shiro those subtle looks, his people skills having sharpened drastically since he'd first left Earth. That's what happened when you had a loud mouth like Lance for a best friend and right hand man. Out of all of them, Lance was the one who'd constantly surprised him, such as his choice to say goodbye to space in order to be a farmer "How do you know about Curtis and Shiro?" "Because unlike you, I've spoken with him. Take some time off after this mission and go see him. It'll be good for both of them, and for you" "I was going to take some time off now that we've returned" "Excellent. Look into the disappearance then take your break" Right. The mission. His thoughts definitely shouldn't be shifting towards Hunk's fine dining skills which left everything he'd eaten since lacking. There was a whole planet out there, yet food goo still seemed to make up the basis of most long term supplies for the Blades "Keith?" Huffing at his mother, Krolia continued to stare at him "I'm going already. I'll call you when I find a lead" Axca fell in behind him as Keith left to pack "I could come with you, if you need an extra set of hands" "You heard Krolia. I need to stay below radar" "You have a habit of getting into trouble when left alone" You fly the ship in the wrong direction once and they never let you forget it "I'll be fine Axca. Take your time to relax. We've been working nonstop this last phoeb. Maybe you could take some time to check in with Veronica?" "She's busy" Keith could hear the pout in her voice. Axca had formed a firm friendship with Veronica during their time on Earth. Despite having confessed her feelings for him, Keith was sure that Axca was harbouring a crush on his so called rival's elder sister. With Zethrid and Ezor in a long term relationship, he wasn't sure what was stopping Axca from seeking out the same happiness "Then call her again" "I have. Twice. I don't think she's accepting my calls" "Have you tried since we returned?" "No" "There we go then. Kosmo, take us to my room" Grabbing a fistful of his wolf's fur, the jump across the palace was instant, saving him from dishing out more bad relationship advice. He'd had plenty of stupid crushes that had never amounted to anything more than a momentary fixation that served to confuse him even more. The highlight of his nonexistent dating life had been receiving the sex talk from Shiro who'd been just as red as Keith was by the end of it. Unfortunately, he'd had to suffer through the same talk with his mother... with Kolivan present. A two phoeb relief mission hadn't eased his embarrassment over the whole thing, as he'd found himself unable to meet Kolivan's eyes for longer than he'd cared to admit. Grabbing out his go bag, he packed light. Most of his things were already aboard his private ship on the off chance he'd be randomly evicted like he was currently being. His ship was nothing like Black. There was no magical mental bond to keep him distracted or reassure him when things went wrong, but it had been a gift from his mother so held some sentimental value "Ok, boy. Let's go before I give into the urge to crawl back into bed. Can you believe they're sending me out again so soon?" Yipping and teleporting across his room, Kosmo had far too much energy. Or maybe he was getting too old for all of this shit. His bed was a crumbled, yet inviting mess, that almost begged for him to crawl back beneath the covers for at least another 6 to 12 vargas of sleep. Catching hold of Kosmo as he teleported again, his wolf teleported him straight into the cockpit of his ship "Good boy. Let's get this show on the road" * With 9 vargas between him and his destination, Keith took his mother's advice. Pulling up his com's list, he thumbed through his contacts where he accidentally hit Lance's name. Each time he'd talked to his friend had been hard. Keith unable to forgive Allura for hurting Lance like she did, despite understanding her sacrifice had been necessary. Her death had shook Lance to his very core, and had left him shaken for months after the fact. Being Lance he'd cried, cracked jokes, then announced he was staying on Earth. His best friend's parents relieved to see their son not leaving again, and the term Voltron was spoken in hushed tones right up until the day they'd left him behind. Lance hadn't even come to see them off. "Yo! Leandro, turn that thing off" Catching sight of bright neon lights, what looked like some kind of club, then an awkward downward angle of two sets of legs, Keith rushed to apologise for the misdial, only Lance cut him off first "Hey. Sorry man. Now isn't good. Talk later" With that the call was dropped. Keith frowning down at his communicator as his brain kicked into gear. That was definitely Lance's voice... but who the fuck was "Leandro"? And that city... it didn't look like it was on Earth, though it had been some time since last visited. Earth was recovering and rebuilding, it didn't make sense to concentrate all their resources on the planet when other smaller planets were in greater need. Besides, Pidge was there, her family having taken over training and building the next generation of space fighter jets. If they needed the help, they could always recall the Atlas. Shaking off the weird call, he was extra careful not to click Lance's name as he scrolled back through his contacts, first thinking of calling Shiro, then remembering he'd probably wish to talk about Curtis and that he'd be no real help there, scrolling back up, he tapped Hunk's name as he pulled the call up onto the ship's screen. It was only a few short tick's before the former Yellow Paladin's face filled his screen "Keith! Hey man, is it that time already?" That time being their preorganised once a movement call "No. I was going to call Shiro, but Krolia filled me in on the Curtis situation" Sighing deeply, Hunk nodded "It's driving all of us mad. Anyway. What's up?" Hunk was clearly in the kitchen, Keith could hear the soft sounds of a blade against a chopping board. His communicator must have been placed on a shelf or something so he could take the call "If you're busy, I can call back?" "No! No, man. It feels like its been ages" "You know what it's like, one mission after the next. Axca's been trying to contact Veronica, but she hasn't been taking her calls" "Things have been crazy here. That and she's been dodging calls from home" "That sounds like something Lance would do" Hunk nodded "That's exactly what he's been doing. His mother wants her to go check in with him in person, but Veronica insists Lance is doing what he needs to do" What now?" "I thought he was on Earth?" "No? Didn't he tell you? He took a job on Erathus not long after Allura's memorial. Being his best friend, I thought he would have told you" No. Lance hadn't said anything... that was what... at least 5 phoebs in space and he'd said nothing. Forcing a smile the best he could, Keith nodded back at Hunk "It slipped my mind. Have you heard from him?" "No. He took a job working security, and apparently he's been having a blast. He can't call all the time, but I know he keeps in contact with Veronica" "You're not worried?" Looking into the camera, Hunk gestured with his knife "We both know how messed up he was after Allura. I feared he'd given up his dream of space completely. If he's enjoying his new line of work, then good for him" Messed up... was one way to put it "Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to sign off, you know a Blade's work is never done. Krolia's insisting I take a vacation after this mission, so we might be catching up sooner than you think" "Please come talk some sense into Shiro over this Curtis thing" Snorting, Keith shook his head "I am the last person who should be giving relationship advice to anyone" "Don't sell yourself short, man. You're the number one bachelor in the universe" "Now you sound like Lance" "What can I say, he rubs off on you. Take care of yourself, and I'll let Shiro know you called" "Thanks, Hunk. You too" Signing off, Keith slumped back in his pilot's chair. Lance was in space and he seemed to be the only one who had no idea. Did Pidge know? Probably. Leaving Earth required notifying the Garrison. If Pidge and Hunk knew, then Shiro would have to. Did Axca know? If she didn't before, she would now. And why was Lance on Erathus? Erathus was the playground for the rich. Kind of like the Hollywood of old reborn with the boom in interest when it came to all things Earth related. Earth wasn't exactly the closest of planets, so a barren planet had been cultivated then gifted the Erathus in reference to their Earth. None of this should be bothering him as much as it was. Lance had made it clear where they stood. Attempting to make his best friend feel better after the loss of his girlfriend, they'd gotten wasted on Nunvil and fallen into bed together. It was sloppy, they hadn't even had sex, just some awkward alcohol driven mutual masturbation as they made out then passed out drunk without cleaning up. The following morning Lance was gone. Keith know that for Lance it was an ugly mistake that never should have happened, his own heart felt as if it'd broken when Lance acted like nothing had happened, then admitted that the whole night was a blank when Shiro had teased them over drinking. So rejected by his crush, Keith had pushed his pain down to be there for Lance, only for Lance to decide he wasn't coming back to space. Coran had coaxed him as far as Altea by requesting his help in erecting Allura's monument, and speaking of her to the people of Altea, but if it wasn't Allura related it seemed to mean nothing to the Cuban now. Whining softly at him, Kosmo nosed at him with his wet nose "I know. I'm being pathetic. He already rejected me, yet here I am thinking of him all over again. Come on, let's get some sleep?"

[missblanchette]

Rumor Has It [2/10]

Series: Hypnosis Mic

Characters: Izanami Hifumi/Yumeno Gentaro

Rating: T

Summary: Thousands of hearts broke that day. With tears shed and cries resounding to the heavens, each grief-stricken woman wondered how this could possibly happen. In the year 20XX of the H. Era, Matenrou’s MC GIGOLO and Fling Posse’s MC Phantom were officially in a relationship.

Except they weren’t, actually.

Words: 3,449

ko-fi // Ch. 1 | You can read this on AO3! Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy! ( ･ω･)ﾉ

Ch 2: The Cobra Effect

"Wake up, Doppo! You have to check this out!"

"'m sorry... I'll have the reports done in five minutes..."

"Doppo!"

There was nothing new about Hifumi barging into Doppo's room to wake him up nor was shaking him awake anything out of the ordinary; nothing weird about Doppo's sleep-talking nor Hifumi's pleas. Indeed, this scene played out almost every morning in their apartment like clockwork. What was different, however, was the overactive child-like intensity in which Hifumi shook Doppo, the desperation in his voice as if the sales at the supermarket were ending in the next second, and most notably, the phone in his hand.

"C'mon, Doppo! Wake up!"

"I'll do overtime..."

"You're gonna get fired!" he yelled, slapping Doppo's cheek.

Doppo shot up. "I'm awake, I'm awake!"

"Look, look." Hifumi shoved his phone into Doppo's face, not giving him the chance to recover from his morning heart attack. "I'm in the headlines!"

Eyes dead and soul deader, Doppo stared at him. Hifumi grabbed Doppo’s hand and placed his phone in it, wrapping Doppo's fingers around it and nudging it closer to him. A long and deep sigh left Doppo's lips, his body visibly deflating as he exhaled. He looked at the screen.

"...'Matenrou's MC GIGOLO's and Fling Posse's MC Phantom's hook up,'" he read aloud rather flatly. His brows furrowed, eyes squinting at the screen. He brought the phone closer to his face. "...’Hook up’... wait. What. What the hell?!"

"See, it's me!"

Hifumi pointed at the accompanying image: the shot of him and Yumeno Gentaro sitting close together at TOP DANDY. Usually, pictures of him on the job were either for those flashy promos or cute selfies with his clients, but a candid like this was pretty refreshing. Not bad quality either, which was a plus.

Doppo made a face, the constipated one whenever his boss called him outside of office hours.

"This isn't the kind of headline you want to be in."

"Okay, yeah, but. It's kinda cool, isn't it?"

"No, no it's not!" Doppo threw his phone back at him, which Hifumi barely caught before it hit his face. "How'd this happen?!"

Leaning back, Hifumi tapped his chin as he recalled the night before -- a night that, to be honest, was like any other except for the encounter with Gentaro. TOP DANDY might’ve been geared towards women, but there was also the occasional male client and ever the perfect host, Hifumi would entertain every unsure heart and all those who chose him.

"Well, like, Yumeno-sensei came in and he wanted some research or something, right? So I gave him some stuff to think about!"

Groaning, Doppo buried his face in his hands.

"Goddammit, Hifumi, that suit of yours is a mistake! Don't you see what you've done?! We're going to have to apologize to Fling Posse and can you imagine the shame? Chuuoku's going to strip us of our title for bending down to the guys we defeated and Jinguji-san -- oh my God, Jinguji-san. What's he going to think? He's going to hate me because I can't control my best friend! Matenrou's going to be the shame of the century and it'll all be my fault --"

"Psh, Doppo-chin, it's not that big a deal!" Hifumi waved him off and laughed as Doppo dragged his hands down his face. "Anyways, aren't you gonna be late for work?"

Head snapping towards the clock, Doppo scrambled out of bed while muttering a string of curses. "Don't think you're off the hook!"

"Awww." Bouncing onto his feet, Hifumi clapped his hands. "How's about I make all your faves for dinner to make it up to you?"

"You really don't have to, but please --" Doppo paused and steepled his fingers, the points tipped together as if in prayer before jabbing them in his direction. "-- just. Do some damage control, okay?"

Complete with a grin, Hifumi gave him the okay sign. "No worries, Doppo-chin, I got this!"

Doppo only sighed.

With Doppo gone for work and the laundry loaded into the washer, Hifumi nearly knocked out for the rest of the morning when he remembered he promised Doppo to do that damage control or whatever. He swayed his head from side-to-side, mulling over what he'd written before erasing it. Too serious! Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

He shook his head. Too formal! Over-apologizing was Doppo's thing.

Giving it a once over, he nodded. Lighthearted and easy-going. Just right!

He sent the tweet and closed his eyes, already forgetting the whole mishap and making a mental list of groceries he needed to get later.

Sleep was quick and dreamless, which Hifumi much preferred to the opposite, but rest felt too short this time around when he awoke to his ringtone blaring. Blinking away his tiredness, he picked up his phone and tilted his head at the unknown number calling him. He didn't think twice before answering.

"Hello?"

"This is Izanami Hifumi, correct?" The voice speaking sounded familiar, an airy lilt to the curtness.

"Yeppers, that's me. Who's this?"

"It's Yumeno Gentaro --"

"Oh, Yumeno-sensei!" A beat passed before Hifumi's lips puckered in confusion. "...How'd you get my number?"

"Never mind that. I need to speak with you about the rumor going on. Certainly you've heard of it?"

"Rumor?"

"The one concerning us."

"Rumor, rumor, rumor..." Hifumi mumbled over and over to himself, racking through his sleep deprived brain for any memory of it. Oh, right! He'd been dealing with it before he fell asleep. "The one with us at the club? I totes got that under control."

"By 'totes got it under control,' you don't happen to mean that tweet you made at 6:54 this morning?"

"Uh --" He checked his clock. Wow, four hours of sleep? That was more than usual. Nice. "-- yeah!"

"You can't possibly expect that to have appeased anyone," Gentaro said incredulously.

"Sure it can! Like, y'know, if people think it's a joke then they'll let it go."

"Then why am I receiving death threats from your adoring fans? Why, pray tell, did I find a message written in blood on my door?" His words, spoken so courteously like a light conversation over tea, bore a cutting sharpness.

Hifumi frowned, biting his lower lip as the situation sank in. Having worked as a host for nearly a decade, he'd experienced all kinds of women and that included the less mentally stable ones. Such as it was to be serving dreams in a paradise; those who needed them most would take refuge in them. From ordering his favorite champagne to demanding the most outlandish requests, these ladies expressed their love in all kinds of ways. To this day, phantom pains pierced his arm where that one stalker had stabbed him, but he didn't mind receiving all of their attention -- the good, the bad, and the worst -- so long as it was him himself. It was why he never mentioned Doppo nor talked about Matenrou while at work. Every single one of his kittens could dig their claws into him, but he'd be damned if he let anything happen to anyone else.

And that included his rival.

"Oh my God, I'm sooo totally super duper sorry!" Though he couldn't see him, Hifumi held a hand in front of his face and dipped his head. "They're just, like, really enthusiastic, y'know?! Sometimes they don't think these things through!"

"Yes, I've noticed." Gentaro's fair voice hid irritation underneath. "So much like the one they admire the most, now are they?"

Less hurt and more upset, Hifumi pouted. "Hey! Okay, it's not like I told them to do anything."

"Right. Which leads me as to why I called you. If I'm not mistaken, you have an Instagram account, yes?"

"Yeah...?"

"Then I propose we do a live stream together --"

"Ooh, a live stream?! That sounds fun~ We can make a show out of it --"

"Take this seriously, Izanami," said Gentaro, tone clipped.

"I am too taking this seriously."

A sigh came from the other end. "As I was saying, I have no doubt that anything I say now will fall onto deaf ears, but your fans will most likely listen to you. If we come together to explain the situation, that should hopefully clear up any misunderstandings."

Nodding his head along to Gentaro's words, Hifumi hummed. "Yeah, sounds good."

"Very well, meet me at the South Gate of Shinjuku Station at twelve o'clock. I know a place nearby where no one should bother us. Is that clear?"

Hifumi saluted, hair bobbing up and down. "Crystal!"

Without another word, Gentaro hung up. If they were meeting at twelve, Hifumi figured, then he'd have to get ready soon. A slight bump to his plans, but he could work around it. Groceries could get done on the way home though drying the laundry would have to wait until later.

He reached for his hoodie and jeans, but froze as he remembered why he was going out in the first place. A live stream, admittedly, wasn't as bad as actually being face-to-face with women. In fact, the screen dividing him and the women made dealing with them easier; he could ignore the tendrils of fear and anxiety that clawed at him by communicating via social media, if only for a while. That said, text was always the easiest, calls more harder, but a live stream? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to dress up a bit for this occasion.  

Putting on his chains and rings, his gaze wandered to his suit jacket. There shouldn't be any real, live women he had to be dealing with, but the image of Gentaro's feminine act popped into mind -- so much like his own clients but somehow worse. His stomach churned like a whirlpool at the memory. It should be illegal how gracefully Gentaro moved, how pretty he looked without makeup, how sickeningly sweet his voice sounded pitched up. No man should be allowed to be that beautiful. Not even all the primping and beauty care routines Hifumi followed made him look that flawless.

His breathing grew shallow and his fingers trembled ever so slightly. Yep, the suit jacket was definitely coming along.

Slipping into it, Hifumi ran his hands through his hair and winked at his reflection in the mirror. While donning his suit, no fear could touch him nor could any doubt reach him; invincible, he was, with hardly a sense of his cowardly self in sight. A wolf who ran wild and a man who stole the hearts of women everywhere -- undeniably, this Hifumi was in all ways superior.

After making sure everything in the apartment was secure, Hifumi strode off to Shinjuku Station. Shinjuku's number one host had some kittens to tame.

He arrived seven minutes after twelve to be greeted with an impassive look from Gentaro and a brusque "You're late." For as much as he tried to strike up a conversation, Gentaro shot down his every attempt with well-spoken ease as he lead him to a hole-in-the-wall tea house. Heads turned as the door opened, revealing the faces of everyone present -- particularly the women. Adjusting his suit jacket, Hifumi thanked his foresight, though Gentaro forcefully dragged him along for flirting with the cashier while he'd been ordering some tea.

"All right, Izanami, let's get this over with," Gentaro said once they’d found a secluded table near the back.

"My, no need to be so eager, Yumeno-sensei." Despite his words, he, too, looked forward to ending this quickly. "You should consider yourself lucky to be spending the day with me after a night at TOP DANDY. Many of my kittens would kill to be in your place."

"And that's exactly why we're here on this otherwise fine day, are we not?"

Hifumi laughed, ignoring the downwards twist of Gentaro's lips.

"Quite so." Phone in hand, his finger hovered over the start button. "Ready? I'll be starting in three --"

Schooling his face into a neutral expression, Gentaro straightened his back.

"-- two --"

Hifumi took a breath.

"-- one."

Then put on his award winning grin that caused many a woman to swoon.  

"Good afternoon, my lovely kittens~ I hope you're all doing well," Hifumi purred as the number of viewers rose at a rapid rate. Not even thirty seconds in, and already thousands upon thousands had joined the stream. Comments ranging from "good afternoon hifumi ❤️❤️❤️" to "I LOVE YOU HIFUMI!!!" cycled through and hearts filled the corner of the screen. "Now a certain rumor has come to my attention, and I thought to clear things up a little. Today, I have a special guest to help me with that."

He shifted to the external camera and pointed his phone at Gentaro, who put on a polite smile and bowed his head.

"Good afternoon, I'm Yumeno Gentaro," he said, voice light and airy.

Immediately, the comments took a downward spiral. "WHAT IS HE DOING THERE???", "IT'S THAT YUMENO BITCH," and "GET AWAY FROM HIFUMI" were among the more tamer comments flying up. Hifumi fought to keep his smile on as he shifted back to the internal camera. Angling his phone so that both of them were visible on the screen, Hifumi scooted over a healthy distance away from Gentaro.

"Yes, I'm sure you've heard of the rumors regarding me and Yumeno-sensei, but I assure you, loves, they’re absolutely not true." Chuckling as naturally as possible, Hifumi caught Gentaro’s eyes. "Would you mind taking it away, Yumeno-sensei?"

"Indeed, Izanami is correct." As he looked into the camera, Gentaro held a perfectly poised posture and an equally practiced smile. "The image circulating social media is being taken horribly out of context. I was merely at TOP DANDY last night for my own enjoyment and Izanami happened to be one of the hosts in my rotation. He is, if anything, a good host and a good host should entertain their clients, no?"

"HE'S A LYING BITCH" and "CUT OFF HIS TONGUE" were among the screams that shot up, the comments descending into a riot. Hifumi had half the mind to turn off the comments but he thought it better to end things soon. He focused the camera onto himself.

"It is my duty to give everyone my attention when they walk into TOP DANDY, but I apologize for any distress I’ve caused you darlings. The relationship between me and Yumeno-sensei is far more innocent than you think so worry not, I still belong to all of you." He gestured towards his viewers, giving his best smolder. The comments didn't get any kinder. His grin faltered. "Thank you for your understanding, my dear kittens. I hope to see you all in paradise tonight~"

Winking and blowing a kiss to the screen, he tapped the end button as fast as he could and set his phone down onto the table. His shoulders slumped, a breath escaping his lips as he thought back to all those comments. Princesses they were, but his kittens definitely had sharp fangs.

A hand propped up against his forehead, Gentaro took a sip of his tea. "Now all that's left to do is wait this fiasco out."

Hifumi leaned back against his seat, peering at him through his peripheral. Whether or not Gentaro had been bothered by all those threats, he didn't show. Really, the only sign of unease he’d shown throughout the whole ordeal was the annoyance the slipped through his words. A part of him hated how easily he wore his facade when it'd taken him years to get to this point; the other, a tinge of sympathy at the fact that the facade was needed. Nonetheless, rival or not, no one deserved such unsolicited backlash. Turning towards him, he placed a hand over his heart and took Gentaro's with his other.

"Once again, I offer my utmost and heartfelt apologies. I didn't realize how violent my kittens were and apologize on their behalf."

Pulling his hand away as if he'd been stung, Gentaro's green eyes ran over him -- scanning and scrutinizing his entire being.

"Have you ever considered becoming an actor, Izanami? Your theatrics are impeccable, I have to admit."

Hifumi's head tilted to the side. "Oh? Is my apology not enough for you, Yumeno-sensei?"

"Anything you say holds little meaning for getting me involved in this mishap."

Leaning forward, Hifumi lowered his voice into a purr. "Perhaps you should've asked for a private interview instead if you wanted to avoid any controversy, hm?"

"I don't believe it would've been satisfactory," Gentaro said, resting his chin upon his palm. He spoke casually, though the bared teeth beneath his words bit hard. "Especially from someone who's dropped in ranking."

"My, my, Yumeno-sensei~ You never know something until you try it."

Gentaro's mouth opened, but whatever retort he had coming was put on pause as a small vibration buzzed in his pocket. He took a breath as if to restart his sentence, but the vibrations grew stronger and stronger. Pursing his lips, Gentaro glared at him and pulled his phone out. From his angle, Hifumi could see “🍭fling posse 🍭 ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡” on the screen accompanied by fifty-plus messages. As he opened up his phone, Gentaro's eyes widened and his mouth hung ajar.

Izanami, he mouthed, head snapping back towards him. He glanced at Hifumi's phone. Are you certain you turned the stream off?

Brow creasing, Hifumi nodded. Just in case, he picked up his phone and -- oh . Oh dear. The live icon sure still was on. Hifumi let out a nervous laugh.

"I am ever so sorry for the slip up, my dear kittens!" Hifumi spoke quickly, struggling to maintain his cool. He could barely see himself anymore with all the outcry filling the screen. "As I said, I'll see you all tonight~"

He rushed to end the stream, but the amount of comments pouring in made his phone lag and the process took an eternity too long to finish. Double checking, triple checking, quadruple checking to make sure the stream was truly finished, he exited out of the app to be extra safe. Phone blowing up with notifications, he set it down again. The one thing breaking the awkward silence that fell over was the endless buzzing of both their phones.

"Why --" A tiny giggle came from Gentaro, the mirth not reaching his eyes at all. “-- this is fantastic.”

Hifumi raised an eyebrow at the smile Gentaro plastered on. "Really?"

"Yes." Gentaro's green irises hooded over, voice as pleasant as a spring day. "I've always sought to be in the limelight like this."

"...While I commend your positive thinking, I --"

"That was a lie, Izanami," Gentaro snapped. His lips curled down into a scowl. "Do you drink so much champagne a night that your brain no longer works?"

More agitated than hurt, Hifumi's expression fell as well. "My brain, hm? Maybe if you took your nose out of your novels for once, you'd grow thicker skin."

Jaw clenching, Gentaro looked away with his head held high.

"Fine, then. I’ve had enough of this," he said, standing up. He'd dropped his faux politeness along the way. "I haven't the faintest idea of what possessed me to seek help from you anyways. If anything happens to me, it's on your head."

Without as so much as a glance back, Gentaro left the tea house with his parting words hanging in the air. Hifumi had left Gentaro battered and bruised before, weak on his knees and within an inch of his life during the territory battles, and he’d reveled in the victory. Upon Chuuoku's order, under the gazes of thousands and thousands of women, their raps rattled each others' nerves and shook each others' egos with their mics; but outside the stadium, their lyrics meant little. This was a completely different stage altogether where a hypnosis canceler couldn't save them, where the law tipped against their favor, where anything was game -- fair or not. The words of a few crazed fans could do more than cause a short-circuit, their hands a weapon worse than a hypnosis mic. That, he knew first hand.

Yumeno Gentaro might've been a lot of things from a pretentious novelist to a serial liar stuck in the past, but for all his grievances, Hifumi would never wish that kind of harm upon him. Especially if he had something to do with it. Wars were ugly, battles were messy, and there was no respect between those who fought them. But, even so, Hifumi still had his standards.

The only thing Hifumi could really do, though, was hope nothing too bad happened to Gentaro.

[n0velust]

2007

When I received the message from a stranger on Myspace, I assumed I was being punk’d.

I heard you get sleep paralysis. So do I. Can we talk about it?

The account that sent the message supposedly belonged to a girl named Rose, but her profile was sketchy. She only had one friend. There were only two photos of her, good quality, not your basic selfies, although they weren’t professional either.

She was a blonde with bangs, her hair cut just above her shoulders. Her eyes were bright and the color of sea foam. There was an angelic quality to her. This was not the first time I had seen her face before, I was sure of that, but I couldn’t place where I reconized her from. It bothered me. Not that I believed the girl in the pictures was the one who actually sent me the message. Someone was messing with me. Someone who wanted me to reveal my weaknesses so they could use them against me.

I had only spoken of my sleep paralysis once in a public setting- a group counseling session all the way back in middle school. Sara, this redhead whom I had my eye on since the moment I first saw her, mentioned having it first in this session. We talked back and forth about it for a minute before our councilor called the meeting back into order. Sara had wanted to know more about my episodes. We met up one day, but she didn’t like that I believed sleep paralysis was a mere medical condition as opposed to a supernatural phenomenon. She committed suicide just a few months after that.

I knew better than to give this troll the time of day, but it was a lonely summer night. Besides, my curiosity had been piqued.

Cute pix but they ain’t urs, I wrote back. Maybe next time add more friends and write an About Me, so it doesn’t look like you just created the account two minutes ago.

              She replied in a matter of minutes. Aww you think I’m cute?? (: lol it’s a new profile. I can send you another pic if you want.

              Alright but draw a dick on your forehead so I know it’s really you, I typed back with a smug grin on my face. Checkmate. Since they wanted to act like a dickhead.

I got up and searched my dark room, my computer screen being my only source of light, for my bottle of vodka. I usually put it somewhere inconspicuous in case my cousin, Jessica, or Aunt Marilyn barged in on me. It’s neck was sticking out from under my pillow. I took several long gulps that warmed my stomach.

I didn’t expect a reply from that account but when I looked back to the screen, endorphins kicked in when I saw the one new message notification. No way. Bad Photoshop?

              A grainy picture probably taken a flip phone, but it was her. She held her hair back out of her face, on her forehead she dawned the crudely drawn penis. A goofy smile.

Can we talk now? she asked in a separate message. I’d like this to be interview style. Can I call you to save us both time?

              Out of pure boredom, I sent her my number. A few short seconds later, my phone rang. We got past awkward introductions.

              “You do look familiar,” I admitted. “Do you go to Apponequet?”

              “No, I go to Bishop Stang.”

              “A Catholic school girl, huh?”

“I have come into your job at Burger Daze, maybe that’s why you recognize me. That’s where I overheard some kids talking about you and the fact that you had sleep paralysis.”

              “Who?”

              “I didn’t ask them their names. I just eavesdropped on their conversation,” she giggled. “To be clear, I know who you are. Not just from seeing you at your job. You’re practically famous!”

              Famous people have fans, I didn’t even have friends. The main reason having to do with my local legend status in the small community of Freetown, Massachusetts. When you witness your father’s murder as a child, then go missing in the state forest for a week, and the media outlets paste your photo all over town, people rarely forget.

              “Maybe I’ll give you an autograph sometimes,” I replied dryly.

              “A piece of paper with your handwriting on it? That’d be great. I could use it to cast a love spell on you,” she said with a smile in her voice.

              “Look, is this supposed to be a joke or-“ My amusement was wearing thin.

              “No joke, Raiden. When I heard those people talking about you, I couldn’t believe it. I haven’t met another living person who’s had sleep paralysis. And for me it’s been especially bad lately so I took it as a sign that I must reach out to you.”

              “Well now you have, so what do you want?”

              “Tell me, do you hallucinate during?”

              “Most people do. Your body puts itself in a state of paralysis, so you don’t act out your dreams. The hallucinations occur because your mind is still in a dream state.”

              “Thanks for educating me on the subject as if I haven’t already extensively researched it myself. I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then?”

              “Yes.”

              “And what sorts of things do you see?”

              “People who suffer from sleep paralysis tend to see the same things, shadow people and such. Which makes sense because the room is dark and there are a lot of shadows.”

I was so used to only talking about this with therapists that I couldn’t help but parrot the things they told me.

              “What about the old hag though? Lots of people report seeing the detailed image of an old woman, usually wearing a veil, who sits on their chests. She’s not a shadow. Explain why that’s common sighting.”

I paced the room, thinking of an explanation but fell short.

              “Have you seen the old hag?” I reflected her question back.

              “I asked you what you saw first.”

              “Yes, it’s one of the worst apparitions. She starts off as a beautiful woman and then morphs. Total succubus situation, it’s awful.”

              “Sounds like the scene in The Shining. That part really freaked me out as a kid.”

              “I haven’t seen it.” Or any horror movie for that matter.

              “The original is better than the remake although Stephen King wouldn’t agree- anyway so, shadow people, the old hag, anything else?"

I hesitated, stumbling over my words. There was something else. Something Sara mentioned seeing too. Something that she claimed the more energy you gave to, the more powerful it got.

“I’ve seen something coming out of the wall. It’s like it comes from another dimension,” Rose went on, since I was at a loss for words. “It’s three dimensional too, not like a shadow. Unlike the other sleep paralysis villains, it can physically touch. It puts its hand over my head. Local indigenous tribes have something similar in their folklore, expect it comes out of trees instead of walls. They call it a Wuagamortchi. Have you ever seen it or heard of it?”

My throat ran dry, so I went back to my bottle and took another drink. There’s no way she could be messing with me. I’ve only spoken of this particular entity to Sara and one of my psychologists. Sara named this entity ‘Wally”. As a kid, I called it the Gatekeeper.

              “Yes,” I admitted. “I’ve seen it since I was a kid.”

“Can you describe your experiences?” Rose asked. Her voice was too cheery for the conversation we were having.

“No. I’d rather not. Sorry, I’m kind of freaking out right now. You’re not the first person to come into my life asking me about this shit. This girl I used to know, Sara, she saw the wog-thing, whatever you called it, too.”

“Really?” Rose asked enthusiastically. “Do you have Sara’s number? I’d love to talk to her too.”

“She committed suicide, about four years ago. I felt…guilty about it. You’re reminding me for her right now. That’s why my mind is a mess.”

“Why do you feel guilty?”

“Because she came to me for help so she would feel less alone. Her view on it was even darker than yours. She thought that actual demons were after her, that they wanted to make her hurt herself and other people. I dismissed her after she said all that, told her it was in her head. The ultimate betrayal, in her eyes, was when I told her boyfriend, James, that she needed help. She never spoke to me again. Her paranoia was what led her to take her life.”

“I mean, you reached out to her boyfriend about your concerns. It sounds to me like you did try to help her.”

I shook my head. “I could have done more for her. I could have been more empathetic.”

“I get it.” Finally her voice had some emotion behind it. Before she sounded like some robotic customer service representative. “My mother committed suicide and I feel like I should have done things differently too. The shrink I see says I shouldn’t blame myself but it’s hard not to.”  Rose let out a sigh and pulled herself back together. “How often do you experience SP?”

              It took me a moment to follow her train of thought. She dropped a bomb on me and then swept right passed it.

“A few times a week lately. I’ll go months without an episode, then it will become more frequent for a while. It has to do with stress,” I told her.

              “Have you found anything that helps to reduce episodes?”

              “Drinking.” I held my bottle up in a cheers to myself. I sat on my bed, leaning up against the wall with a pillow behind me.

              “Alcohol? Does that really help?”

              “No, not really. I wouldn’t recommend it. It helped at first but now it just makes me not care as much that it’s happening.”

              “Hmm. I smoke weed at night for the same reason.” She paused for a moment, “have you ever smoked before?”

              “Once.” With Sara. God, everything that came out of this girl’s mouth reminded me of Sara.

              We stayed up talking for hours after that, getting to know each other. Rose told me that she had recently found her mother’s diary, where she described her own instances of sleep paralysis. While Rose did believe it was paranormal and I didn’t, we came to the agreement that there was a link between sleep paralysis and mental health issues- depression, anxiety, PTSD. It all went hand in hand.

              I listened to Rose talk about her out of body experiences, how she had been training herself to detach her soul from her body during sleep paralysis and shoot energy balls as her interdimensional intruders. She told me about how her and her mother to share the same dreams and that she would astral project to the astral plane, hoping to find he mother there so she could say goodbye one last time. She said she wanted me to astral project with her, so we could be together, but I said I’d rather just take her out on a date. Her ramblings were nonsensical, yet she spoke them with such conviction that I wanted to believe.

              Rose said that since it was summer she had been waiting until sunrise to let herself sleep. We stayed up until then talking. When we finally did go to sleep we left our phones beside us on speaker, so if something did happen to one or both of us, the other person would be on the line. It was the first night in weeks I had slept without having a nightmare or an episode of sleep paralysis.

              We texted each other all that next day, then at night we spoke on the phone for hours on end. This went on for a few days. By the end of the first night, I was already hounding her about meeting up. she invited me to meet her at this house party she was attending on Friday night.

              Thanks to our late-night chats, not only was I sleeping better but I had also stopped drinking. I wanted to be coherent in our conversations. I wanted her to think that I was smart and funny, not some loser teenage alcoholic. But- before going to meet her at this party in Fall River, a half an hour drive away, I did have a little liquid courage to calm my nerves.

              When I pulled up to the house and parked along the street, she was out on the driveway waiting for me. She wore cut-off shorts and a black crop top, and a light jacket over it, despite it being the middle of July and eighty degrees outside. Over her shoulders, she wore a mini black backpack.

Despite her heavy make-up, she was still gorgeous. Even more so in person. Slim build but great legs. Her friend Genesis was starting next to her, holding her hand. Genesis taller than Rose but not my much. Her hair was clearly bleached blonde and fell in tight, corkscrew curls. She was dressed in a similar outfit. They were staring at my car and whispering among themselves. When I got out, Rose let out a squeal that I could hear from all the way over where I was standing.

Rose looked terrified, her eyes as wide as saucers. She had never even had a first kiss before and while I wanted to rush over and give that to her, what I wanted more was for her to feel comfortable.

              “Hi Raiden,” Genesis called on Rose’s behalf as I approached them.

              “That’s Genna,” Rose said, still clutching her friend’s hand. I could barely hear her.

              “I know. I recognize her as your only Myspace friend.”

              When I got up to them, it struck me how much I towered over them. A though occurred, what if she’s lying about her age? But I pushed it back to the far corners of my mind. Rose told me she was fifteen, sixteen on November 27th. My birthday was exactly a month after hers, I’d be turning eighteen. Our age difference wasn’t too bad. She had mentioned on the phone that she was petite.

              Genna pealed Rose’s hand off of hers and shoved her in my direction before turning her back and walking away. Rose watched her friend go before turning to me. I stood still like I was offering food to a timid deer. Where was the bold girl whom I had spoken to over the phone?

              Suddenly she was running towards me. She leapt up and I caught her in my arms. She wrapped her legs around my waist and initiated the first kiss. I let her have a little peck then tilted my head back farther. She groaned, her fingernails pricking the back of my neck. Our noses brushed before we kissed again. I melted into it. 

              I put her back down and we looked each other over.

              “I’ve never been to a house party before,” I said, to break the ice.

              “I don’t really like these types of parties,” she confessed.

              “Why are we here then?”

              “It just so happens that this party is only a couple blocks away from where a dear old friend of mine lives. I couldn’t miss the opportunity to pay him a visit.”

              Him? Confusion, jealousy, rage bubbled up in my chest.

              “You can come with me,” she clarified. “I want you to.” She batted her eyelashes at me and held her hand out for me to take but I wasn’t so sure I wanted to.

              “Who’s your friend?” I asked, looking down at her with narrowed eyes.

              “Andrew. You probably know him since you went to Freetown Lakeville Middle. Andrew Arslanian.”

I stared at her in disbelief. “Mr. Arslanian? The fucking science teacher?”

              She giggled at my surprise. “That’s the one. Part science teacher, part pervert. He stays busy.”

              “How do you know that? Did he hurt you? What are you going to do to him?” So many questions and finding the answers wouldn’t make me feel any better.

              “No. Not me,” Rose chuckled ironically. “This girl, Danielle. They had an affair. She was too young to know what she was getting into-“

Two girls stumbled out of the party, leaving the door wide open. The music was playing so loud that I could feel the bass in my bones.

Rose lowered her voice, “he knocked her up, then tried to throw money at her and threaten her into having an abortion until she moved away. Dani and I aren’t even friends anymore but that’s a whole ‘nother story. This was all long time ago.”

“Why wait til now to go after Mr. Arslanian? What are you going to do to him?”

“Chill. I’m not going to burn his house done or anything.” She took off her tiny backpack and unzipped it to allow me a peek inside. A single can of red spray paint and a wallet.

“And honestly, I haven’t thought of him in a long time but since I’m in the neighborhood…” She cocked her head and smiled at me, batting her eyelashes persuasively.

“How do you even know his address?”

“The internet.” She shrugged.

“I just-“ I didn’t want to come off like a buzzkill or an asshole. “I came all this way to hang out with you not to vandalize my eighth-grade teacher’s house.”

Her cheeks blushed. “I want to hang out with you too. This won’t take long, and you can pick what we do next.”

“I guess I’m in then,” I said with a scoff and an eyeroll.

She jumped for joy and let out a big, “Yesss!”

“But next time, tell me ahead of time when you have a crazy idea like this.”

“For sure I will.” She took my hands, intertwined her fingers in mine and started leading me down the sidewalk. “I’m so glad you agreed to join me because the Lucy I took should kick in soon an-“

I stopped dead in my tracks, bringing her to an abrupt halt as well. “What?!”

“Lucy. It’s slang for-“

“LSD,” I finished for her.

“It’s probably best that someone will be looking after me when it kicks in.”

I looked at her, then back to my car, and really contemplated leaving. Rose had told me about her experiences with various drugs, Xanax, coke, and of course weed. Genesis brought her into this world and Rose liked to experiment.

              “I saved a stamp for you.” She looked up at me with angel eyes.

              I knew a time would come when I’d be offered something questionable. Under different circumstances, I’d be more inclined to want to try LSD but not at a damn party. Not when we both have a history of mental illness. It seemed like an awful idea. I wasn’t about  to explain that to her because I didn’t want her thinking I was a loser.

              I liked her. A lot. There had other women, I was no virgin, but I had never had a serious relationship before. No one’s mind enticed me as much as Rose’s. I had never shared a connection like this with anybody. No one’s eyes had ever hypnotized me in such a way that my brain shut off entirely. I couldn’t blow this so soon, so I forced a smile over my haunted expression.

              “Let me give you some money for mine at least.”

              “No, it’s okay. Genna and her boyfriend TJ just gave them to me.” She fumbled in her purse and took out her wallet, out of her billfold, she handed me a stamp. Not the postage kind.

              “Don’t chew it or swallow it, just leave it on your tongue for a while.” She held out her finger with the tiny white square on top and I took it and did as instructed.

              “It’s my first time taking acid too so this should be interesting.” She giggled.

“How long ago did you take yours?” I asked, trying to judge how long I’d have until it set in.

“Right before you got here,” she replied. “TJ said it’d take about fifteen minutes to half an hour before I felt anything. He’s a total douche but at least he’s good for party favors.”

              We locked hands again. My hands were so much bigger than hers and she had to hold hers above her waist to align it with my own.

              “Why don’t you like TJ?”

              “He’s a pedo too. Dude’s twenty years old. He has no business hanging out with girls as young as me and Genna.”

              “Why don’t you tell your friend that?”

              “She knows how old he is. She doesn’t care. Just thinks he’s with her because she’s so mature. Trust me, if I told her what I really thought about him, she’d choose him over me. Love makes people stupid and blind.”

              I could see that now…

              “Girls get obsessed with these random ass guys that come into their lives. No depth or anything unique about them. That’s why I never bothered dating. I never met anyone who truly compelled me.” She squeezed my hand. “Until now.”

              “I must really like you because I can’t say no to you.” I grinned at her.

She lit up when I said that. There was no point in either of us trying to play it cool. No way she could have hidden that ear to ear smile. Under the streetlamps, I spotted freckles on her cheekbones, the bridge of her nose, underneath all that make-up. Such a shame that she covered them up.

              “Are you a natural blonde?” I asked.

              “Yeah but my natural color is a little darker than it is now.”

              I kept looking at her. Her familiarity drove me nuts, like when a word is on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t quite remember what it is. 

              “It’s weird that I have no memory of interacting with you when you were a customer at my work.”

              “You see a lot of customers come through there every day.”

              “Yeah but I remember the pretty ones. And I’d definitely remember your face. Especially since you said you come in there a lot.”

              “You were the main reason I was coming in there for a while. Just because I thought you were so handsome.” She laughed at herself. I could feel her hand shaking in mine. It was a little sweaty too.

              “Are you serious? That’s…slightly creepy but also flattering. Does that mean you have ulterior motives when you friended me on Myspace?”

“I saw that as my way in, yes. When I heard those kids talking about you having sleep paralysis, I took it as a sign that we were meant to get to know each other.”

“When you first invited me to this party, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to come. I’m really glad we’re hanging out, just you and me. Parties aren’t really my thing.”

              “Me either. I have social anxiety. I’m more comfortable with a small group of people. Or with just you.” She led us across the street, onto a different road.

              “You’re pretty social though. You’re more outgoing than me.”

              “It’s all an act, I’m actually pretty shy.”

              “You don’t seem very shy to me.”

              “Really. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt like something was wrong with me. Something that everyone else can see too. I became really withdrawn so obviously, it was always hard for me to make friends. But then I learned this thing from Dexter, have you seen that show? Or read the books?”

              “Dexter’s Laboratory?”

              “No!” Rose laughed. “Dexter the serial killer. He only kills bad guys. Anyway, he talks about having to wear this mask to blend in with the rest of society because duh he’s a killer and he works around a bunch of cops but I kind of took that concept and applied it to my own life. Did you know that Paris Hilton is actually smart? She just plays a character to mask her true self?”

“I have no idea,” I replied.

“That’s what I do. I play a character. I say and do crazy things because….people think of me as one thing and my true self hides behind that persona. I pretend my life is a realty show, and I do whatever I want. I know that all sounds weird. I’ve always been real with you though.”

              “I get where you’re coming from. Blend in with the normies so they don’t question you too much.”

              “Right because when you’re quiet, people can fill your silence with whatever they want.” Her words hung in the air, echoing on a loop in my mind.

She pulled her hand from mine and I worried she was suddenly upset with me. She took off her backpack and dropped it on the ground. I picked it up and held it for her.

“It’s so hot,” she said as she took her jacket off.

Before I could open my mouth to ask her why she was even wearing it, I saw the angry, red welts on the pale skin of her freckled bicep. Four of them at least, but there were more that looked faded.

              “What are those?” I asked, running my index finger over them raised scars.

              “Oh, right. That’s why I was wearing the jacket,” Rose said, more to herself than to me. She sighed as she shoved her arms back into it.

              “You don’t have to cover them up but what happened to you?” I pulled her jacket back off to get another look at them. “Are they cigarette burns? Who’s hurting you?”

              Rose chuckled at me. “It was just me, don’t worry.”

              “I am worried though. Why would you do that to yourself?”

              “I get overwhelmed sometimes, and it helps to ground me. Don’t judge.”

              “It’s not exactly a healthy coping mechanism.”

              “Neither is your drinking,” she shot back. Her eyes were narrowed but she wore a ‘gotcha’ smile. “You don’t want to be like my dad, unable to hold down a job. He tells us he quit, he’s gonna sober up, but he just tries to hide it. He never knows what’s going on, it’s really embarrassing.”  Her voice was louder and more emotional than usual.

              “You’re right. I know. What I do is another form of self-harm. I’ll make you a deal though, I stop drinking and you stop burring yourself, okay?”

              “What about a wager?” she asked with a grin. She pondered the terms of the wager for a moment. “Whoever loses has to give the other person oral sex.”

              Laughter boomed from my chest. “No, that’s fucked up. I don’t want to benefit from you hurting yourself. Besides, if we did that, I’d just go back to the party and have a drink.”

We shared a laugh at that.

“I rather just make it a pact,” I went on. “If you feel the urge, just reach out to me and talk to me about it – or your friend Genesis. And I’ll do the same, okay?” I extended my arm for a handshake.

              “Deal,” she said, taking my hand. I pulled her in for a hug, our lips found each other’s, and we kissed softly but hungrily. Euphoria pulsed through my veins. She pulled away too soon.

              “Let’s just this over with, before I start tripping.”

              She led the way through the neighborhood, knowing exactly where she was going. We walked at a quick pace until we came upon a two-story yellow painted home.

              3342 Snyder Lane.

              She took out the spray paint can and shook it, I worried about the noises. There was no car out front in the driveway but there was always a two-car garage, so it was hard to tell if anyone was home.

              Wind blew in through the trees overhead. Rose looked up at the swaying branches in awe. She waved back to them.

              “Rose! Hurry it up,” I urged her in a whisper.

              She looked to me, confused, and then down at the spray paint can in her hand. Dropping to her knees,  she was mesmerized by the paint exiting the can. “I’m creating universes,” she told herself.

              She put her other hand into the stream of paint.

“Stop,” I said. “You don’t want to get caught red handed, do you?”

              She looked up at me and then down at her red palm, laughing at my pun. I took the spray can away from her and told her I’d do it.

              Ask me about Danielle, I wrote on the driveway in messy print. Underneath that, I added, I’m a pedo, to make our accusations clear. 

              I looked up for Rose and nearly had a heart attack when I saw her peeking in through the first story window. I ran up behind her but then froze.

              There was sheer, red, fabric over the window but we could still see what was going on in the house. People, maybe ten of them, all wearing plain black masks but with a red upside-down triangle drawn over the forehead. They were dancing around. In the center of their circle was a man tied to a chair. He was slouched over, still, eyes open and unblinking. They were taking turns stabbing his already dead body.

              “Get away from there,” I said, a little too loud. Because one of them stopped in their tracks and looked out through the window, right at us. This person’s sudden stop in rotation caused the others to bump into them.

              Without thinking, I picked Rose up and threw over my shoulder. I ran out of there like a bat out of hell. Her backpack clapped against her with every step. The adrenaline must have given me extra strength because I ran like that with her on my back for blocks and blocks, until, I couldn’t take it anymore. I set her on the ground, and we ran together hand in hand for what felt like an eternity. All I knew was the run. A running being was my identity. I couldn’t think of anything else. I can’t tell you how long we ran or how far we got. Rose led us and not in a straight direction, to confuse whoever might have been following us. We went through people’s backyards, up and over fences. Repeatedly.

              I could have kept going but Rose was out of breath and collapsed herself onto someone’s yard. She repeated, “I can’t do it anymore, I can’t do it.”

              “Did you see what I saw?” I asked, my hands rested on my knees as I gasped for air. When I closed my eyes, I saw geometric shapes breathing. Circles morphing into triangles, then into diamonds, then into hexagons.

              “They were killing him,” Rose said in a weak voice, burying her face in the grass.

              “He was already dead.”

My voice didn’t sound like my own. I felt like we were in virtual reality, like I was at home playing video games and none of this was even real. “They saw us. We need to keep moving.” I reached my hand down to help her up.

              “I can’t run anymore. I always knew if I was in a horror movie, that I wouldn’t survive the run. Go on without me. Save yourself.”

              “It’s my responsibility to protect you,” I replied. “You’re my girlfriend.”

I was just as surprised of those words coming out of my mouth as she was. She smiled and it was like everything was okay. For a second there, time stood still, and I felt perfectly sober. But then everything got wavy again.

              She allowed me to help her to her feet. “I’m your girlfriend?”

“Why else would I be going through all this shit for you? Now c’mon. We can walk but we have to move forward.”

              “I don’t know how to get home.”

              I looked around my surroundings, only now realizing that we were utterly lost. “You mean back to the party?”

              “Oh, right. I forgot about that stupid party.”

              “Did you want me to take you home? Because I would.”

              “No way. I couldn’t bear to see my mother right now.” I just looked at her. Her mother was dead, but it probably wasn’t the best moment to remind her of that.

              I tried to remember the route we took to get to where we were. If I could remember where Mr. Arslanian lived, maybe I could get us back to the party. What I needed was a weapon though, to make sure that we got back safely.

              The best I could find in the moment was a large stick. I picked it up and held it over my shoulder. “This way,” I told Rose, leading her in the direction that felt right.

              The threat might have been gone but my paranoia remained. All the houses looked the same. We were in an endless labyrinth. I tried to have a conversation with Rose while we walked, to add some normalcy to the evening. My mind would loop, and then I’d completely forget what I was thinking about. I’d forget what I was saying, midsentence. My words came out a mush. We didn’t see any people outside or even cars driving by and that had me feeling like I was in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Soon the zombies would come.

Things got weirder when I had the sudden sensation that I was actually my father and I was lost in the void between Earth and the afterlife. I was his ghost, trying to escape from some evil force that beckoned to me.  My breath hitched. I could feel my insides vibrating. Everything was vibrating. I sat down in the grass, hoping that the feeling would pass.

              “Are you okay?” Rose asked, the first time she had spoken in a while.

              “I’m going to a bad place.” I covered my face with my hands in shame.

              “You don’t have to,” she told me. “Genna warned me about bad trips. She told me that if you think bad thoughts, of course you’ll have a bad trip. But you can have a good time too, it’s all in how you approach it. You’re thinking too much,” she said. I couldn’t fathom how she could say so many words.

“Just lie back and enjoy the ride.”

What a concept. All my life, I’ve never been able to do just that.

It was a clear night and the stars were visible. For a moment it felt like I was the pilot of a spaceship. Then after staring at them for too long, they didn’t even look real anymore. A hologram. I broke the celestial trance and shifted my gaze over to her. The most beautiful being I had ever laid eyes on, she made this all worth it.

Feeling my stare Rose looked over at me, brushing her fingers over my face. “This is all worth it because we’re together.”

“I was just thinking that exact same thing,” I said, finally finding my words. “You read my mind.”

              She rolled over on her side and I did the same. We were almost nose to nose.

“Remember what I told you on the phone? If we practice reading each other’s minds, soon we'll be able to dream share.”

I thought of the game she taught me to play over the phone. One person clears their mind and closes their eyes, holding a picture of the other person in their mind. The other person focuses on sending a mental transmission, through a beam of light from their forehead, the other person. I wasn’t very good at the game.

“What am I thinking?” she asked. “The category is fruit.”

              I did as instructed and waited to receive her transmission. “Grapes,” I said as the image suddenly popped up in my mind.

              “What kind of grapes?”

              My eyes tried to flutter open, but I forced them shut. “Was I right? They’re green.” The picture was so clear, I could almost taste them. I looked at her for conformation.

              She nodded and smiled. “Yes, green grapes.. The acid must be helping us connect.”

“I’ll try to send one to you,” I said. “It’s a shape and a color.”

               We both laid back in the grass. I closed my eyes, held her in my mind. The light stemming from my forehead was so bright it was like I could really see it.

“Blue, a circle- no wait now it’s a triangle.” She opened her eyes and asked if she was right.

I nodded and told her to close her eyes again. “I’ll send you a number now.”

“Twenty-seven,” she said, in no time at all. “I can see it clear as day. And the numbers are in white bubble lettering with yellow polka-dots.” I was in awe, unable to speak. Good thing that I didn’t need to anymore.

“It’s the date of both or birthdays,” she went on.

“That’s why I was thinking of it. You also mentioned on the phone that you liked that number.”

“Wow,” Rose said. “I can’t believe we mastered teleportation.” We both laughed as she realized she said the wrong word.

“Telepathy,” I corrected. “I think we’d need a little more acid for teleportation.” 

               Music started playing out of nowhere. It was really creepy until we realized it was coming from Rose’s phone. I had completely forgotten we carried such devices.

              “Whoa, the screen is all over the place,” Rose said before answering.

 “I just wanted to check in,” I heard Genesis say. “Where are you guys?”

“We’re lost,” Rose replied.

There was a male’s voice in the background. Genesis had us walk to a street corner and tell her the names of the roads on the intersection we were on. It was hard to read the sign. The letter flew off and were carried away by the wind. After discussion with the other person she was with, Genesis told us to stay where we were and that she’d come find us.

I told Rose that it might be dangerous for Genesis to be walking the streets by herself. The masked ones who had engaged in the ritual could still be looking for us. Rose tried to tell Genesis about Mr. Arslanian and what we saw through his window, but Genesis just started laughing.

“You can tell it’s their first time tripping,” she said to someone else. “TJ’s coming with me. We’re on our way. Just sit tight,” Genesis told Rose before hanging up.

When we saw two figures approaching us, walking in the middle of the road, Rose jumped up and down with excitement. “They found us! We’re saved.”

She took off running towards her friend. I was shocked when both girls lifted up their shirts, revealing their bras underneath. They howled when they bumped their chests together.

Genesis’ boyfriend must have noticed my expression because he explained that was like their secret handshake. He introduced himself as TJ, while the girls were jumping all over each other. He looked like how I imagined he would, old as hell. He had long greasy hair, with a black cap over his head. A full beard, I must have looked like a child next to him. He wore a white t-shirt with holes in it and jeans that hung down below the waist. I didn’t like him. He instantly gave me bad vibes. I would have rather been lost with Rose forever.

As we walked back to the party, which apparently we were only a couple of blocks away from, the girls walked together ahead of us, chatting gleefully back and forth. Rose was telling Genesis that I was her boyfriend and Genesis was really excited about the whole thing.

TJ pulled me back to slow our pace, he grabbed my roughly. “You be good to our Rosie.” That instantly pissed me off. Rose was not his. “She’s a wild one. No experience but she’s ready to learn to fuck.” I was ready to kick this fucker’s ass.

“I coulda had her but she didn’t like the idea of a three-way relationship. She thought Genna would be mad at her but Genna said she woulda been cool with it.”

If Mr. A and his friends needed another sacrifice, I had just the guy for them.

“I never met two girls with such dirty minds,” he had the audacity to continue. “You’ll have fun wit her, I bet. But yo, if you’re gonna stick it to ‘er, don’t go ghost after tonight. That would make her sad. Which would make Genesis sad. Which would fuck wit my own life, ya feel me?”

“I don’t plan on ghosting her and I don’t plan on sleeping with her tonight either. I like her. I’m not trying to rush anything. I want to see where it goes.”

“Bro sex on acid is fucking magical. You should try it sometime. Are you having a good trip?”

“I’d be enjoying it more if I didn’t just see my old science teacher having a satanic ritual.”

He laughed at me, “You’re funny, man.”

 We could hear the music from down the street and started to run towards it, grateful to be freed from the maze. Back at the party, my mood did a three-sixty. Genesis and TJ shared a joint with us, which put me on another level for sure, but the euphoria was back. Genesis kept taking pictures. Rose and I even danced. Our bodies moving to the music without having to think twice about it. After working up a sweat, we went to the refreshment table and drank some water.

              “They’re so many of them! They’re multiplying,” Rose said, mesmerized by a tray of cupcakes. “Why’s no one eating them? I don’t want to be the only one who eats one. What’s wrong with these people?”

I encouraged her to just take one and she looked at me, her eyes mischievous.

              “I have a better idea,” she grinned. “Carry the tray upstairs for me, I’m scared I’d drop it.”

              “What do you want to do with them?” I asked.

              “We could put the frosting on each other’s bodies and lick it off.” She didn’t have to tell me twice, I grabbed the tray and we headed to the second floor.

[michaelandy101-blog]

Basic Reputation Management for Better Customer Service

New Post has been published on https://tiptopreview.com/basic-reputation-management-for-better-customer-service/

Basic Reputation Management for Better Customer Service

The Internet can be a great connector, but sometimes, it acts as a barrier.

Your local business receives a negative review, and the slate-colored words on the bland white screen can seem so cold, remote. You respond, but the whole interaction feels stilted, formal, devoid of face-to-face human feelings, like this:

At least when a complaint occurs via phone, the tone of a customer’s voice tells you a bit more and you can strive to respond with an appropriate vocal pitch, further questions, soothing, helping, maybe resolving. Still, if you’re working off a formal script, the human connection can be missed:

Image credit: News Oresund, Elvert Barnes

It’s a win when a customer complains in person to your staff, but only if those employees have been empowered to use their own initiative to solve problems. Employees who’ve been tasked with face-to-face interactions but lack permission to act fully human when customers complain will miss opportunity after opportunity to earn the loyalty your brand would give almost anything to amass. Two people can be looking one another in the eye, but if one has to act corporate instead of human, too much formality ensures forgettable experiences:

Image credit: Jan-Willem Boot, Amancay Blank

What you really want as a local business owner is to have the power to turn those chilly black-and-white words on a review profile into a living color interaction. You want to turn one-way messaging into front porch conversation, with the potential for further details, vital learnings, resolution, and deeply informal human connection with a neighbor, like this:

Image Credit: Christian Gries

The great barrier: reviews

Seventeen years into my journey as a local SEO, I’ve come to realize that my favorite businesses — the ones I’ve come to patronize with devotion — are the ones with owners and staff who treat me with the least formality. They’ve creatively established an environment in which I felt liked, heard, regarded, trusted, and appreciated, and I’ve responded with loyalty. It’s really a beautiful thing, when you step back and think about it.

For me, it’s small local farmers who epitomize informal neighborliness in business. They:

Do their best to grow high quality food

Know me by name

Know my dietary preferences

Let me roam around their properties for enjoyment’s sake

Trust me to pay via an honor system

Ask me if there’s additional produce I’d like them to grow

Want to know how I’m cooking their produce

Tell me other ways I might prepare their produce

Have nice conversations with me about a variety of topics

Am I describing a business here, or a friend? The line is blurry. I’ve hugged some farmers. Prayed for a few when they’ve had hard times. I may have first met them for monetary transactions, but we’ve built human relationships, and the entire way I relate to this sector is defined by how the farmers go about their business.

With a few exceptions, most local brands can work at building less formality and more neighborliness into their in-person customer service. Think about it. In most settings, your customers would enjoy being treated with the respectful interest and kindness that invites camaraderie.

But we hit a strange barrier when the medium is online reviews. If we learned to read and write in a formal school setting, we may unconsciously ascribe a certain stiffness to textual exchanges. We’re worried about getting lower marks for making a mistake, and we’re aware of being in front of a public audience in writing review responses. We’re missing vital communicative cues, like the facial expression of the customer, their tone of voice, and their body language.

On our side of the equation, we can’t shake hands, or physically demonstrate our willingness to help, or even signal our approachability with a smile.

To tell the truth, reviews aren’t a great substitute for in-person communication, but they are here to stay, and there’s a certain amount of fear on both sides of many transactions that builds up the layers of the barrier, like this:

What can be done to bring the two parties closer together, so that they are at least leaning over the same fence to talk?

Create a workflow for spotting single and aggregate review cues

The easiest way I know of to get started with a workflow surrounding reviews is via a very intuitive product like Moz Local. Basic components are built into the dashboard, offering a simple jumping off point into the complex world of reputation management.

The screenshot above shows a portion of the functions Moz Local offers for review management. The organization of the various data widgets create a bridge for getting closer to customers and engaging in real, meaningful dialogue with them in an atmosphere of goodwill, rather than fear. Let’s break it down by tasks.

1. Seek cues in single reviews with ongoing alerts

To enter into a conversation, you have to know when it starts. The right-side column of the Moz Local dashboard keeps a running feed of your incoming reviews on a variety of platforms, as well as incoming Google Q&A questions. On a daily basis, you can see who is starting a conversation about your business, and you can tell whether customers most recent customers were having a good or bad experience by looking at the star rating.

Make it your practice to click first on any review in this feed if it’s received a 3-star rating or less, and see how much information a customer has shared about the reason for their less-than-perfect rating, as in this fictitious example:.

Because the reviews are timestamped, you may have the ability to connect a customer’s poor experience with something that happened at your place of business on a specific day, like being understaffed, having an equipment failure, or another problem.

In fact, a second view in the dashboard makes it immediately obvious if the reviews you received on a particular day had lower star ratings than you’d like to see:

If you know a customer’s complaints can be tied to an issue, this gives you something more and better to say than just “I’m sorry,” when you respond. For example, broken equipment leading to a cold meal is something you can explain in asking the customer to let you make it up to them.

2. Seek cues in aggregated sentiment

Knowing whether you have just one customer with a single complaint or multiple customers with the same complaint is vital quality control intelligence. Very often, Google reviews are particularly brief in comparison to reviews on other platforms, and you need to be able to take a large body of them to see if there are shared topical themes. The Review Analysis widget in the Moz Local dashboard does exactly this for you:

In this view, you can see up to 100 of the most common words your customers are using when they review you, the percentage of the reviews containing each word, and the star rating associated with reviews using each word. You can toggle the data for each column.

In our fictitious example, the business owner could see that when food is served cold, it’s yielding very poor review ratings, but that, fortunately, this is a complaint contained in only 1.7% of total reviews. Meanwhile, the business owner could notice that 2% of reviews with a 3.8 star rating (only a moderately good experience) are revolving around the phrase “service”. The owner can click on each word to be shown a list of the reviews containing that term to help them identify what it is about the service that’s diminishing customer satisfaction.

The figures in the above screenshot are all pretty low, and likely represent only mild concerns for the business. If, however, the business owner saw something like this, that would change the narrative:

Here, 12.2% of the reviews mentioning the restaurant’s veggie burgers are associated with a very poor 2.0 rating. The owner would need to dive into this list of reviews and see just what it is customers don’t like about this dish. For example, if many of these reviews mentioned that the burgers lacked flavor, had bland condiments, or buns that fell apart, these would be cues that could lead to changing a recipe. Again, this would give the owner something genuine to say in response to dissatisfied customers. Ideally, it would lead to the customer being invited to come again for something like a free taste test of the new recipe.

Whatever details the review sentiment analysis function yields for your business, use it with the intention of having a two sided conversation with your customers. They complain, in aggregate, about X, you research and implement a solution, and finally, you invite them to experience the solution in hopes of retaining that customer, which is typically far less costly than replacing them.

3. Grade your business at a glance

These two views in the Moz Local dashboard allow you to analyze two key, related aspects of your business at a glance.

The Average Rating view is the fastest way to grade yourself on aggregate customer satisfaction. This example shows a business with little to fear, with 96% of customers rating the business at 4-or-more stars and only 4% having a three-stars-or-less experience. In terms of having happy customers, this fictitious company is doing a great job.

However, the Reviews Reply rate needs some work. They’re only replying to 1% of their overall reviews, 0% of their 2-to-5-star reviews, and only 21% of their 1-star reviews. The business is doing an excellent job offline, but unless they improve their online responsiveness, their average review rating could begin to decrease over time.

In sum, a workflow which investigates reviews singly and in aggregate tells the story or customer satisfaction across time, and gives the business owner a clearer narrative to tap into and write from in responding.

Make optimal response rates and two-way conversation your goal

As a local business owner, you have many demands on your time. That being said, my pro tip for you is to respond to every review you possibly can. There’s no scenario in which it’s smart to ignore a conversation any customer starts, whether positive or negative. Just as you wouldn’t ignore a percentage of your incoming calls or customers walking around your business, you shouldn’t ignore them online.

If thinking of reviews as a two-way conversation is a bit of new concept to you, consider that most review platforms enable people to edit their reviews for a reason: many of your customers think of the reviews they write as living documents, and are willing to update them to journal subsequent interactions that made a scenario better or worse. My own research has shown this to be true, and multiple studies have reached the conclusion that the majority of customers will continue doing business with brands that resolve their complaints.

This means that local businesses can manage a customer journey that follow this pattern for negative reviews, much of the time:

In black-and-white review land, this might look like this:

Or, when a customer is happy to begin with, offering extra incentives to come again while thanking the customer for taking the time to write their review could look like this:

Here, a conversation starter about salsa has been turned into a two-way dialog guaranteed to make the customer feel heard and valued. They’ve been invited back, their opinion has been solicited, and both the existing customer and all potential future customers reading Mary’s response can see that this is a restaurant with a lively, on-going relationship with its diners.

Takeaway: don’t just say “thanks” to every customer who positively reviews your business. Seek cues in their words that show what they care about and tie it to what you care about. Find common ground to further engage them and bring them back again.

How big of a priority are reviews, really?

I’ve consulted with so many local business owners over the years — everybody from beekeepers to bookkeepers. It’s a plain fact that all small business owners are extremely busy, and not all of them instantly take a shine to the idea of having a lot of little two-way conversations going on with their customers in their review profiles.

Statistics can change minds on this, when it comes to figuring out how much of a priority review analysis and management should be. Consider these findings from the Moz State of the Local SEO Industry survey of over 1,400 people involved in the marketing of local businesses:

Respondents placed aspects of Google reviews (count, sentiment, owner responses, etc.) as having the second greatest impact on Google’s local rankings.

90% of respondents agree that the impact of reviews on local pack rankings is real.

Nearly 14% of those marketing the largest local enterprises realize that more resources need to be devoted to review management. Yet, in another section of the survey, agency workers placed review management in a lowly 11th place in terms of something they are requested to help their clients with. Learn more about these trends by downloading the free State of the Local SEO Industry Report for 2020.

Statistics like these indicate that there is a maturing awareness of the vital role reviews play in running a successful local business. Management of all aspects of reviews deserves priority time.

Make a habit of reading reviews between the lines

Moz Local software will ensure you know whenever single reviews come in, and help you slice and dice review data in ways that tell customer service narratives in aggregate. If you’re already using this software, your first steps of reputation management are just waiting to be taken with ease and simplicity.

But to get the most of any review management product, you’ll need to bring a human talent to the dashboard: your ability to read between the lines of review text that can be brief, vague, sharp, and sometimes unfair.

With the exception of spam, there’s a real person on the other side of each text snippet, and for the most part, their shared desire is to be treated well by your business. Even if a review stems from a customer you can’t identify or one who communicates disappointment rudely, you can take the high road by making a mental image of yourself standing face-to-face with someone you highly value who is voicing a problem. Respond from that good place, with the conscious intention of improved neighborly communication and you may be pleasantly surprised by your ability to transform even the most dissatisfied person into a happier, more loyal customer.

I’ll close today with an excerpt of a very long real-world review which I’ve truncated. I’ve underlined the cues and the rewards I’m hoping you’ll spot and see as you strengthen your commitment to review management as a key component of your customer service strategy.

The new Moz Local plans — Lite, Preferred, and Elite — are designed to offer more features and flexibility to better meet the needs of local businesses and their marketers. Customers on any of the new plans can now monitor reviews via alerts, and depending on the plan, respond to reviews and take advantage of social posting. It’s never been more important to actively engage and listen to the needs and concerns of your current customers — and potential customers will take notice.

Source link

[lakelandseo]

Basic Reputation Management for Better Customer Service

Posted by MiriamEllis

The Internet can be a great connector, but sometimes, it acts as a barrier.

Your local business receives a negative review, and the slate-colored words on the bland white screen can seem so cold, remote. You respond, but the whole interaction feels stilted, formal, devoid of face-to-face human feelings, like this:

At least when a complaint occurs via phone, the tone of a customer’s voice tells you a bit more and you can strive to respond with an appropriate vocal pitch, further questions, soothing, helping, maybe resolving. Still, if you’re working off a formal script, the human connection can be missed:

Image credit: News Oresund, Elvert Barnes

It’s a win when a customer complains in person to your staff, but only if those employees have been empowered to use their own initiative to solve problems. Employees who’ve been tasked with face-to-face interactions but lack permission to act fully human when customers complain will miss opportunity after opportunity to earn the loyalty your brand would give almost anything to amass. Two people can be looking one another in the eye, but if one has to act corporate instead of human, too much formality ensures forgettable experiences:

Image credit: Jan-Willem Boot, Amancay Blank

What you really want as a local business owner is to have the power to turn those chilly black-and-white words on a review profile into a living color interaction. You want to turn one-way messaging into front porch conversation, with the potential for further details, vital learnings, resolution, and deeply informal human connection with a neighbor, like this:

Image Credit: Christian Gries

The great barrier: reviews

Seventeen years into my journey as a local SEO, I’ve come to realize that my favorite businesses — the ones I’ve come to patronize with devotion — are the ones with owners and staff who treat me with the least formality. They’ve creatively established an environment in which I felt liked, heard, regarded, trusted, and appreciated, and I’ve responded with loyalty. It’s really a beautiful thing, when you step back and think about it.

For me, it’s small local farmers who epitomize informal neighborliness in business. They:

Do their best to grow high quality food

Know me by name

Know my dietary preferences

Let me roam around their properties for enjoyment’s sake

Trust me to pay via an honor system

Ask me if there’s additional produce I’d like them to grow

Want to know how I’m cooking their produce

Tell me other ways I might prepare their produce

Have nice conversations with me about a variety of topics

Am I describing a business here, or a friend? The line is blurry. I’ve hugged some farmers. Prayed for a few when they’ve had hard times. I may have first met them for monetary transactions, but we’ve built human relationships, and the entire way I relate to this sector is defined by how the farmers go about their business.

With a few exceptions, most local brands can work at building less formality and more neighborliness into their in-person customer service. Think about it. In most settings, your customers would enjoy being treated with the respectful interest and kindness that invites camaraderie.

But we hit a strange barrier when the medium is online reviews. If we learned to read and write in a formal school setting, we may unconsciously ascribe a certain stiffness to textual exchanges. We’re worried about getting lower marks for making a mistake, and we’re aware of being in front of a public audience in writing review responses. We’re missing vital communicative cues, like the facial expression of the customer, their tone of voice, and their body language.

On our side of the equation, we can’t shake hands, or physically demonstrate our willingness to help, or even signal our approachability with a smile.

To tell the truth, reviews aren’t a great substitute for in-person communication, but they are here to stay, and there’s a certain amount of fear on both sides of many transactions that builds up the layers of the barrier, like this:

What can be done to bring the two parties closer together, so that they are at least leaning over the same fence to talk?

Create a workflow for spotting single and aggregate review cues

The easiest way I know of to get started with a workflow surrounding reviews is via a very intuitive product like Moz Local. Basic components are built into the dashboard, offering a simple jumping off point into the complex world of reputation management.

The screenshot above shows a portion of the functions Moz Local offers for review management. The organization of the various data widgets create a bridge for getting closer to customers and engaging in real, meaningful dialogue with them in an atmosphere of goodwill, rather than fear. Let’s break it down by tasks.

1. Seek cues in single reviews with ongoing alerts

To enter into a conversation, you have to know when it starts. The right-side column of the Moz Local dashboard keeps a running feed of your incoming reviews on a variety of platforms, as well as incoming Google Q&A questions. On a daily basis, you can see who is starting a conversation about your business, and you can tell whether customers most recent customers were having a good or bad experience by looking at the star rating.

Make it your practice to click first on any review in this feed if it’s received a 3-star rating or less, and see how much information a customer has shared about the reason for their less-than-perfect rating, as in this fictitious example:.

Because the reviews are timestamped, you may have the ability to connect a customer’s poor experience with something that happened at your place of business on a specific day, like being understaffed, having an equipment failure, or another problem.

In fact, a second view in the dashboard makes it immediately obvious if the reviews you received on a particular day had lower star ratings than you’d like to see:

If you know a customer’s complaints can be tied to an issue, this gives you something more and better to say than just “I’m sorry,” when you respond. For example, broken equipment leading to a cold meal is something you can explain in asking the customer to let you make it up to them.

2. Seek cues in aggregated sentiment

Knowing whether you have just one customer with a single complaint or multiple customers with the same complaint is vital quality control intelligence. Very often, Google reviews are particularly brief in comparison to reviews on other platforms, and you need to be able to take a large body of them to see if there are shared topical themes. The Review Analysis widget in the Moz Local dashboard does exactly this for you:

In this view, you can see up to 100 of the most common words your customers are using when they review you, the percentage of the reviews containing each word, and the star rating associated with reviews using each word. You can toggle the data for each column.

In our fictitious example, the business owner could see that when food is served cold, it’s yielding very poor review ratings, but that, fortunately, this is a complaint contained in only 1.7% of total reviews. Meanwhile, the business owner could notice that 2% of reviews with a 3.8 star rating (only a moderately good experience) are revolving around the phrase “service”. The owner can click on each word to be shown a list of the reviews containing that term to help them identify what it is about the service that’s diminishing customer satisfaction.

The figures in the above screenshot are all pretty low, and likely represent only mild concerns for the business. If, however, the business owner saw something like this, that would change the narrative:

Here, 12.2% of the reviews mentioning the restaurant’s veggie burgers are associated with a very poor 2.0 rating. The owner would need to dive into this list of reviews and see just what it is customers don’t like about this dish. For example, if many of these reviews mentioned that the burgers lacked flavor, had bland condiments, or buns that fell apart, these would be cues that could lead to changing a recipe. Again, this would give the owner something genuine to say in response to dissatisfied customers. Ideally, it would lead to the customer being invited to come again for something like a free taste test of the new recipe.

Whatever details the review sentiment analysis function yields for your business, use it with the intention of having a two sided conversation with your customers. They complain, in aggregate, about X, you research and implement a solution, and finally, you invite them to experience the solution in hopes of retaining that customer, which is typically far less costly than replacing them.

3. Grade your business at a glance

These two views in the Moz Local dashboard allow you to analyze two key, related aspects of your business at a glance.

The Average Rating view is the fastest way to grade yourself on aggregate customer satisfaction. This example shows a business with little to fear, with 96% of customers rating the business at 4-or-more stars and only 4% having a three-stars-or-less experience. In terms of having happy customers, this fictitious company is doing a great job.

However, the Reviews Reply rate needs some work. They’re only replying to 1% of their overall reviews, 0% of their 2-to-5-star reviews, and only 21% of their 1-star reviews. The business is doing an excellent job offline, but unless they improve their online responsiveness, their average review rating could begin to decrease over time.

In sum, a workflow which investigates reviews singly and in aggregate tells the story or customer satisfaction across time, and gives the business owner a clearer narrative to tap into and write from in responding.

Make optimal response rates and two-way conversation your goal

As a local business owner, you have many demands on your time. That being said, my pro tip for you is to respond to every review you possibly can. There’s no scenario in which it’s smart to ignore a conversation any customer starts, whether positive or negative. Just as you wouldn’t ignore a percentage of your incoming calls or customers walking around your business, you shouldn’t ignore them online.

If thinking of reviews as a two-way conversation is a bit of new concept to you, consider that most review platforms enable people to edit their reviews for a reason: many of your customers think of the reviews they write as living documents, and are willing to update them to journal subsequent interactions that made a scenario better or worse. My own research has shown this to be true, and multiple studies have reached the conclusion that the majority of customers will continue doing business with brands that resolve their complaints.

This means that local businesses can manage a customer journey that follow this pattern for negative reviews, much of the time:

In black-and-white review land, this might look like this:

Or, when a customer is happy to begin with, offering extra incentives to come again while thanking the customer for taking the time to write their review could look like this:

Here, a conversation starter about salsa has been turned into a two-way dialog guaranteed to make the customer feel heard and valued. They’ve been invited back, their opinion has been solicited, and both the existing customer and all potential future customers reading Mary’s response can see that this is a restaurant with a lively, on-going relationship with its diners.

Takeaway: don’t just say “thanks” to every customer who positively reviews your business. Seek cues in their words that show what they care about and tie it to what you care about. Find common ground to further engage them and bring them back again.

How big of a priority are reviews, really?

I’ve consulted with so many local business owners over the years — everybody from beekeepers to bookkeepers. It’s a plain fact that all small business owners are extremely busy, and not all of them instantly take a shine to the idea of having a lot of little two-way conversations going on with their customers in their review profiles.

Statistics can change minds on this, when it comes to figuring out how much of a priority review analysis and management should be. Consider these findings from the Moz State of the Local SEO Industry survey of over 1,400 people involved in the marketing of local businesses:

Respondents placed aspects of Google reviews (count, sentiment, owner responses, etc.) as having the second greatest impact on Google’s local rankings.

90% of respondents agree that the impact of reviews on local pack rankings is real.

Nearly 14% of those marketing the largest local enterprises realize that more resources need to be devoted to review management. Yet, in another section of the survey, agency workers placed review management in a lowly 11th place in terms of something they are requested to help their clients with. Learn more about these trends by downloading the free State of the Local SEO Industry Report for 2020.

Statistics like these indicate that there is a maturing awareness of the vital role reviews play in running a successful local business. Management of all aspects of reviews deserves priority time.

Make a habit of reading reviews between the lines

Moz Local software will ensure you know whenever single reviews come in, and help you slice and dice review data in ways that tell customer service narratives in aggregate. If you’re already using this software, your first steps of reputation management are just waiting to be taken with ease and simplicity.

But to get the most of any review management product, you’ll need to bring a human talent to the dashboard: your ability to read between the lines of review text that can be brief, vague, sharp, and sometimes unfair.

With the exception of spam, there’s a real person on the other side of each text snippet, and for the most part, their shared desire is to be treated well by your business. Even if a review stems from a customer you can’t identify or one who communicates disappointment rudely, you can take the high road by making a mental image of yourself standing face-to-face with someone you highly value who is voicing a problem. Respond from that good place, with the conscious intention of improved neighborly communication and you may be pleasantly surprised by your ability to transform even the most dissatisfied person into a happier, more loyal customer.

I’ll close today with an excerpt of a very long real-world review which I’ve truncated. I’ve underlined the cues and the rewards I’m hoping you’ll spot and see as you strengthen your commitment to review management as a key component of your customer service strategy.

The new Moz Local plans — Lite, Preferred, and Elite — are designed to offer more features and flexibility to better meet the needs of local businesses and their marketers. Customers on any of the new plans can now monitor reviews via alerts, and depending on the plan, respond to reviews and take advantage of social posting. It’s never been more important to actively engage and listen to the needs and concerns of your current customers — and potential customers will take notice.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[epackingvietnam]

Basic Reputation Management for Better Customer Service

Posted by MiriamEllis

The Internet can be a great connector, but sometimes, it acts as a barrier.

Your local business receives a negative review, and the slate-colored words on the bland white screen can seem so cold, remote. You respond, but the whole interaction feels stilted, formal, devoid of face-to-face human feelings, like this:

At least when a complaint occurs via phone, the tone of a customer’s voice tells you a bit more and you can strive to respond with an appropriate vocal pitch, further questions, soothing, helping, maybe resolving. Still, if you’re working off a formal script, the human connection can be missed:

Image credit: News Oresund, Elvert Barnes

It’s a win when a customer complains in person to your staff, but only if those employees have been empowered to use their own initiative to solve problems. Employees who’ve been tasked with face-to-face interactions but lack permission to act fully human when customers complain will miss opportunity after opportunity to earn the loyalty your brand would give almost anything to amass. Two people can be looking one another in the eye, but if one has to act corporate instead of human, too much formality ensures forgettable experiences:

Image credit: Jan-Willem Boot, Amancay Blank

What you really want as a local business owner is to have the power to turn those chilly black-and-white words on a review profile into a living color interaction. You want to turn one-way messaging into front porch conversation, with the potential for further details, vital learnings, resolution, and deeply informal human connection with a neighbor, like this:

Image Credit: Christian Gries

The great barrier: reviews

Seventeen years into my journey as a local SEO, I’ve come to realize that my favorite businesses — the ones I’ve come to patronize with devotion — are the ones with owners and staff who treat me with the least formality. They’ve creatively established an environment in which I felt liked, heard, regarded, trusted, and appreciated, and I’ve responded with loyalty. It’s really a beautiful thing, when you step back and think about it.

For me, it’s small local farmers who epitomize informal neighborliness in business. They:

Do their best to grow high quality food

Know me by name

Know my dietary preferences

Let me roam around their properties for enjoyment’s sake

Trust me to pay via an honor system

Ask me if there’s additional produce I’d like them to grow

Want to know how I’m cooking their produce

Tell me other ways I might prepare their produce

Have nice conversations with me about a variety of topics

Am I describing a business here, or a friend? The line is blurry. I’ve hugged some farmers. Prayed for a few when they’ve had hard times. I may have first met them for monetary transactions, but we’ve built human relationships, and the entire way I relate to this sector is defined by how the farmers go about their business.

With a few exceptions, most local brands can work at building less formality and more neighborliness into their in-person customer service. Think about it. In most settings, your customers would enjoy being treated with the respectful interest and kindness that invites camaraderie.

But we hit a strange barrier when the medium is online reviews. If we learned to read and write in a formal school setting, we may unconsciously ascribe a certain stiffness to textual exchanges. We’re worried about getting lower marks for making a mistake, and we’re aware of being in front of a public audience in writing review responses. We’re missing vital communicative cues, like the facial expression of the customer, their tone of voice, and their body language.

On our side of the equation, we can’t shake hands, or physically demonstrate our willingness to help, or even signal our approachability with a smile.

To tell the truth, reviews aren’t a great substitute for in-person communication, but they are here to stay, and there’s a certain amount of fear on both sides of many transactions that builds up the layers of the barrier, like this:

What can be done to bring the two parties closer together, so that they are at least leaning over the same fence to talk?

Create a workflow for spotting single and aggregate review cues

The easiest way I know of to get started with a workflow surrounding reviews is via a very intuitive product like Moz Local. Basic components are built into the dashboard, offering a simple jumping off point into the complex world of reputation management.

The screenshot above shows a portion of the functions Moz Local offers for review management. The organization of the various data widgets create a bridge for getting closer to customers and engaging in real, meaningful dialogue with them in an atmosphere of goodwill, rather than fear. Let’s break it down by tasks.

1. Seek cues in single reviews with ongoing alerts

To enter into a conversation, you have to know when it starts. The right-side column of the Moz Local dashboard keeps a running feed of your incoming reviews on a variety of platforms, as well as incoming Google Q&A questions. On a daily basis, you can see who is starting a conversation about your business, and you can tell whether customers most recent customers were having a good or bad experience by looking at the star rating.

Make it your practice to click first on any review in this feed if it’s received a 3-star rating or less, and see how much information a customer has shared about the reason for their less-than-perfect rating, as in this fictitious example:.

Because the reviews are timestamped, you may have the ability to connect a customer’s poor experience with something that happened at your place of business on a specific day, like being understaffed, having an equipment failure, or another problem.

In fact, a second view in the dashboard makes it immediately obvious if the reviews you received on a particular day had lower star ratings than you’d like to see:

If you know a customer’s complaints can be tied to an issue, this gives you something more and better to say than just “I’m sorry,” when you respond. For example, broken equipment leading to a cold meal is something you can explain in asking the customer to let you make it up to them.

2. Seek cues in aggregated sentiment

Knowing whether you have just one customer with a single complaint or multiple customers with the same complaint is vital quality control intelligence. Very often, Google reviews are particularly brief in comparison to reviews on other platforms, and you need to be able to take a large body of them to see if there are shared topical themes. The Review Analysis widget in the Moz Local dashboard does exactly this for you:

In this view, you can see up to 100 of the most common words your customers are using when they review you, the percentage of the reviews containing each word, and the star rating associated with reviews using each word. You can toggle the data for each column.

In our fictitious example, the business owner could see that when food is served cold, it’s yielding very poor review ratings, but that, fortunately, this is a complaint contained in only 1.7% of total reviews. Meanwhile, the business owner could notice that 2% of reviews with a 3.8 star rating (only a moderately good experience) are revolving around the phrase “service”. The owner can click on each word to be shown a list of the reviews containing that term to help them identify what it is about the service that’s diminishing customer satisfaction.

The figures in the above screenshot are all pretty low, and likely represent only mild concerns for the business. If, however, the business owner saw something like this, that would change the narrative:

Here, 12.2% of the reviews mentioning the restaurant’s veggie burgers are associated with a very poor 2.0 rating. The owner would need to dive into this list of reviews and see just what it is customers don’t like about this dish. For example, if many of these reviews mentioned that the burgers lacked flavor, had bland condiments, or buns that fell apart, these would be cues that could lead to changing a recipe. Again, this would give the owner something genuine to say in response to dissatisfied customers. Ideally, it would lead to the customer being invited to come again for something like a free taste test of the new recipe.

Whatever details the review sentiment analysis function yields for your business, use it with the intention of having a two sided conversation with your customers. They complain, in aggregate, about X, you research and implement a solution, and finally, you invite them to experience the solution in hopes of retaining that customer, which is typically far less costly than replacing them.

3. Grade your business at a glance

These two views in the Moz Local dashboard allow you to analyze two key, related aspects of your business at a glance.

The Average Rating view is the fastest way to grade yourself on aggregate customer satisfaction. This example shows a business with little to fear, with 96% of customers rating the business at 4-or-more stars and only 4% having a three-stars-or-less experience. In terms of having happy customers, this fictitious company is doing a great job.

However, the Reviews Reply rate needs some work. They’re only replying to 1% of their overall reviews, 0% of their 2-to-5-star reviews, and only 21% of their 1-star reviews. The business is doing an excellent job offline, but unless they improve their online responsiveness, their average review rating could begin to decrease over time.

In sum, a workflow which investigates reviews singly and in aggregate tells the story or customer satisfaction across time, and gives the business owner a clearer narrative to tap into and write from in responding.

Make optimal response rates and two-way conversation your goal

As a local business owner, you have many demands on your time. That being said, my pro tip for you is to respond to every review you possibly can. There’s no scenario in which it’s smart to ignore a conversation any customer starts, whether positive or negative. Just as you wouldn’t ignore a percentage of your incoming calls or customers walking around your business, you shouldn’t ignore them online.

If thinking of reviews as a two-way conversation is a bit of new concept to you, consider that most review platforms enable people to edit their reviews for a reason: many of your customers think of the reviews they write as living documents, and are willing to update them to journal subsequent interactions that made a scenario better or worse. My own research has shown this to be true, and multiple studies have reached the conclusion that the majority of customers will continue doing business with brands that resolve their complaints.

This means that local businesses can manage a customer journey that follow this pattern for negative reviews, much of the time:

In black-and-white review land, this might look like this:

Or, when a customer is happy to begin with, offering extra incentives to come again while thanking the customer for taking the time to write their review could look like this:

Here, a conversation starter about salsa has been turned into a two-way dialog guaranteed to make the customer feel heard and valued. They’ve been invited back, their opinion has been solicited, and both the existing customer and all potential future customers reading Mary’s response can see that this is a restaurant with a lively, on-going relationship with its diners.

Takeaway: don’t just say “thanks” to every customer who positively reviews your business. Seek cues in their words that show what they care about and tie it to what you care about. Find common ground to further engage them and bring them back again.

How big of a priority are reviews, really?

I’ve consulted with so many local business owners over the years — everybody from beekeepers to bookkeepers. It’s a plain fact that all small business owners are extremely busy, and not all of them instantly take a shine to the idea of having a lot of little two-way conversations going on with their customers in their review profiles.

Statistics can change minds on this, when it comes to figuring out how much of a priority review analysis and management should be. Consider these findings from the Moz State of the Local SEO Industry survey of over 1,400 people involved in the marketing of local businesses:

Respondents placed aspects of Google reviews (count, sentiment, owner responses, etc.) as having the second greatest impact on Google’s local rankings.

90% of respondents agree that the impact of reviews on local pack rankings is real.

Nearly 14% of those marketing the largest local enterprises realize that more resources need to be devoted to review management. Yet, in another section of the survey, agency workers placed review management in a lowly 11th place in terms of something they are requested to help their clients with. Learn more about these trends by downloading the free State of the Local SEO Industry Report for 2020.

Statistics like these indicate that there is a maturing awareness of the vital role reviews play in running a successful local business. Management of all aspects of reviews deserves priority time.

Make a habit of reading reviews between the lines

Moz Local software will ensure you know whenever single reviews come in, and help you slice and dice review data in ways that tell customer service narratives in aggregate. If you’re already using this software, your first steps of reputation management are just waiting to be taken with ease and simplicity.

But to get the most of any review management product, you’ll need to bring a human talent to the dashboard: your ability to read between the lines of review text that can be brief, vague, sharp, and sometimes unfair.

With the exception of spam, there’s a real person on the other side of each text snippet, and for the most part, their shared desire is to be treated well by your business. Even if a review stems from a customer you can’t identify or one who communicates disappointment rudely, you can take the high road by making a mental image of yourself standing face-to-face with someone you highly value who is voicing a problem. Respond from that good place, with the conscious intention of improved neighborly communication and you may be pleasantly surprised by your ability to transform even the most dissatisfied person into a happier, more loyal customer.

I’ll close today with an excerpt of a very long real-world review which I’ve truncated. I’ve underlined the cues and the rewards I’m hoping you’ll spot and see as you strengthen your commitment to review management as a key component of your customer service strategy.

The new Moz Local plans — Lite, Preferred, and Elite — are designed to offer more features and flexibility to better meet the needs of local businesses and their marketers. Customers on any of the new plans can now monitor reviews via alerts, and depending on the plan, respond to reviews and take advantage of social posting. It’s never been more important to actively engage and listen to the needs and concerns of your current customers — and potential customers will take notice.

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[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAVS - Chapter one start

Daibazaal, the planet of purple and black that seemed designed to keep Keith constantly off guard and directionally misplaced. Living in what was once Zarkon's residence still refused to sit well with him, even a year and a half after the fall of Honerva and the return of the planet he now called home with his mixed up family. Woken from his first real nights sleep in a phoeb by Axca's persistent knocking, he held his temper as he dressed. They were all exhausted. His team at any rate. Running relief missions was fulfilling in its own ways, but since had started to spread through the known universe he'd felt himself pining for the glory days of Voltron. The thrill of the fight. The feel of his lion beneath his hands. The constant bickering of his adopted castle family. It was all gone now. They'd all started to go to their seperate ways yet despite swearing to be friends forever. It wasn't like they didn't regularly catch up, weekly phone calls were very much a thing, and when the Atlas was close enough, he'd take the time to swing by to catch up with Shiro and Curtis personally, as well as Hunk and Shay, sometimes Pidge if she happened to be on board too. Dressed casually, Keith whistled at Kosmo to follow, his hands jammed into the front pocket of his black jeans as he wandered through the busy halls, a step behind Axca the whole way. Working with Axca, Zethrid and Ezor was rewarding, yet it failed to thrill him the way Voltron did, then there was the whole crush thing Axca had been nursing for him, which he'd been blind too until she'd asked him out and he'd known in the moment she was absolutely not the one for him. No. He'd fucked things right up with the one person he'd liked back on Earth and learned his lesson from his mistake. He didn't need to love anyone outside the weird collection of friends he'd made over the past few years in space. Sighing to himself, Axca turned to smile at him "You would think they'd let us rest" "Yeah. But you know mum and Kolivan. If you're breathing, you can take a mission" His mother dating Kolivan was another reason not to come back home as often as he did. It wasn't that he had anything against Kolivan at all, he didn't know how to act when they were holding hands or leaning into each other. Kolivan was still the same hard taskmaster he'd always been, and his boss... who was now dating his mother, which lead to mental images he definitely didn't need. Following Axca into the control room, Kolivan and Krolia were waiting for him. Kolivan frowning deeply as he approached with Kosmo, earning him a nudge in the ribs from Krolia "Keith! I'm sorry to wake you, but we need you for a mission immediately" He'd already deduced as much. Following the pair over to one of the tables, his mother started pulling up files on its holotop "We have a missing operative. He was on his way to an arms deal when we lost contact with him. He's now over a movement late reporting in, and no sign of him has been seen at any of the rebel camps in the Ghazex quadrant" Reaching down, Keith manipulated the files with his finger tips. It seemed all above board, the sellers of the goods honestly not caring where their clientele came from provided they paid up front and collected the goods from the designated coordinates "You want me to head out there and check for signs of life?" "We've been in contact with rebel forces and they found nothing. The weapons themselves aren't so important as the intel that could be gained through interrogations. There've been a number of odd occurrences in the sector space, that's why the meet was arrange there. Guile felt sure there was a link there between these occurrences and the gun runners" Guile barely looked older than Shiro, despite being four times his age. Nodding, Keith transferred the files to his wrist communicator "I'll leave immediately" Looking up from the table, his mother and Kolivan shared a long look at each other as they silently communicated, Kolivan giving a small nod of his head, granting his mother permission to continue "Keith. We're sending you alone on this one. You'll need to stay below the radar. If it proves to be nothing, then take your time coming back. You're supposed to be on standby as it" "I'm fine. You worry too much" "I'm your mother, it's my job" He was already 23, practically 24, he didn't need his mother's constant worry. He ran his own team, had fought in countless scuffles before their lions had left, and afterwards. He really didn't need his hand held. Quiznak, he'd even been nominated to rule the whole damn planet... Crossing his arms, he frowned at his parental figures "I'll be fine" "Why don't you give Shiro a call once you've checked things out? It's been a while since you saw any of the others" "Mum. If there's something you're trying to say, say it already" "I'm not trying to say anything. It's simply been a while since you spent some quality time with them" "I talk to them every weekend by video call. They're all fine" "But when is the last time you saw them?" "A few weeks ago? Before the last mission?" "You've only seen them once since Allura's memorial. Curtis is driving Shiro crazy" Keith raised and eyebrow. That couldn't be right. He distinctly remembered dinner with Hunk and Shay, with Curtis and Shiro casting enough sideways glances at each other to make Hunk blush in second hand shame. After the death of Adam, Keith knew his adoptive brother was capable of moving on, despite how deep the wound ran. It'd only been a matter of weeks between Adam's death and their return. As Adam's brother, Curtis understood Shiro's pain in a way Keith couldn't. Curtis had been there for Adam, he'd been there as Adam had fallen apart over their broken engagement, Shiro's disappearance, the reappearance of Sam Holt... and somehow along the way they'd bonded deeply yet both were hesitant to take the next step so as to not tarnish Adam's memory. Keith personally thought Adam was a dick for breaking off the engagement when all Shiro wanted was one last trip to space. They'd both hidden from him how much Shiro had suffered with his condition, Keith not noticing the subtle small ways Adam would check how Shiro was fairing with just a touch or a look. Now Curtis was the one to cast Shiro those subtle looks, his people skills having sharpened drastically since he'd first left Earth. That's what happened when you had a loud mouth like Lance for a best friend and right hand man. Out of all of them, Lance was the one who'd constantly surprised him, such as his choice to say goodbye to space in order to be a farmer "How do you know about Curtis and Shiro?" "Because unlike you, I've spoken with him. Take some time off after this mission and go see him. It'll be good for both of them, and for you" "I was going to take some time off now that we've returned" "Excellent. Look into the disappearance then take your break" Right. The mission. His thoughts definitely shouldn't be shifting towards Hunk's fine dining skills which left everything he'd eaten since lacking. There was a whole planet out there, yet food goo still seemed to make up the basis of most long term supplies for the Blades "Keith?" Huffing at his mother, Krolia continued to stare at him "I'm going already. I'll call you when I find a lead" Axca fell in behind him as Keith left to pack "I could come with you, if you need an extra set of hands" "You heard Krolia. I need to stay below radar" "You have a habit of getting into trouble when left alone" You fly the ship in the wrong direction once and they never let you forget it "I'll be fine Axca. Take your time to relax. We've been working nonstop this last phoeb. Maybe you could take some time to check in with Veronica?" "She's busy" Keith could hear the pout in her voice. Axca had formed a firm friendship with Veronica during their time on Earth. Despite having confessed her feelings for him, Keith was sure that Axca was harbouring a crush on his so called rival's elder sister. With Zethrid and Ezor in a long term relationship, he wasn't sure what was stopping Axca from seeking out the same happiness "Then call her again" "I have. Twice. I don't think she's accepting my calls" "Have you tried since we returned?" "No" "There we go then. Kosmo, take us to my room" Grabbing a fistful of his wolf's fur, the jump across the palace was instant, saving him from dishing out more bad relationship advice. He'd had plenty of stupid crushes that had never amounted to anything more than a momentary fixation that served to confuse him even more. The highlight of his nonexistent dating life had been receiving the sex talk from Shiro who'd been just as red as Keith was by the end of it. Unfortunately, he'd had to suffer through the same talk with his mother... with Kolivan present. A two phoeb relief mission hadn't eased his embarrassment over the whole thing, as he'd found himself unable to meet Kolivan's eyes for longer than he'd cared to admit. Grabbing out his go bag, he packed light. Most of his things were already aboard his private ship on the off chance he'd be randomly evicted like he was currently being. His ship was nothing like Black. There was no magical mental bond to keep him distracted or reassure him when things went wrong, but it had been a gift from his mother so held some sentimental value "Ok, boy. Let's go before I give into the urge to crawl back into bed. Can you believe they're sending me out again so soon?" Yipping and teleporting across his room, Kosmo had far too much energy. Or maybe he was getting too old for all of this shit. His bed was a crumbled, yet inviting mess, that almost begged for him to crawl back beneath the covers for at least another 6 to 12 vargas of sleep. Catching hold of Kosmo as he teleported again, his wolf teleported him straight into the cockpit of his ship "Good boy. Let's get this show on the road" * With 9 vargas between him and his destination, Keith took his mother's advice. Pulling up his com's list, he thumbed through his contacts where he accidentally hit Lance's name. Each time he'd talked to his friend had been hard. Keith unable to forgive Allura for hurting Lance like she did, despite understanding her sacrifice had been necessary. Her death had shook Lance to his very core, and had left him shaken for months after the fact. Being Lance he'd cried, cracked jokes, then announced he was staying on Earth. His best friend's parents relieved to see their son not leaving again, and the term Voltron was spoken in hushed tones right up until the day they'd left him behind. Lance hadn't even come to see them off. "Yo! Leandro, turn that thing off" Catching sight of bright neon lights, what looked like some kind of club, then an awkward downward angle of two sets of legs, Keith rushed to apologise for the misdial, only Lance cut him off first "Hey. Sorry man. Now isn't good. Talk later" With that the call was dropped. Keith frowning down at his communicator as his brain kicked into gear. That was definitely Lance's voice... but who the fuck was "Leandro"? And that city... it didn't look like it was on Earth, though it had been some time since last visited. Earth was recovering and rebuilding, it didn't make sense to concentrate all their resources on the planet when other smaller planets were in greater need. Besides, Pidge was there, her family having taken over training and building the next generation of space fighter jets. If they needed the help, they could always recall the Atlas. Shaking off the weird call, he was extra careful not to click Lance's name as he scrolled back through his contacts, first thinking of calling Shiro, then remembering he'd probably wish to talk about Curtis and that he'd be no real help there, scrolling back up, he tapped Hunk's name as he pulled the call up onto the ship's screen. It was only a few short tick's before the former Yellow Paladin's face filled his screen "Keith! Hey man, is it that time already?" That time being their preorganised once a movement call "No. I was going to call Shiro, but Krolia filled me in on the Curtis situation" Sighing deeply, Hunk nodded "It's driving all of us mad. Anyway. What's up?" Hunk was clearly in the kitchen, Keith could hear the soft sounds of a blade against a chopping board. His communicator must have been placed on a shelf or something so he could take the call "If you're busy, I can call back?" "No! No, man. It feels like its been ages" "You know what it's like, one mission after the next. Axca's been trying to contact Veronica, but she hasn't been taking her calls" "Things have been crazy here. That and she's been dodging calls from home" "That sounds like something Lance would do" Hunk nodded "That's exactly what he's been doing. His mother wants her to go check in with him in person, but Veronica insists Lance is doing what he needs to do" What now?" "I thought he was on Earth?" "No? Didn't he tell you? He took a job on Erathus not long after Allura's memorial. Being his best friend, I thought he would have told you" No. Lance hadn't said anything... that was what... at least 5 phoebs in space and he'd said nothing. Forcing a smile the best he could, Keith nodded back at Hunk "It slipped my mind. Have you heard from him?" "No. He took a job working security, and apparently he's been having a blast. He can't call all the time, but I know he keeps in contact with Veronica" "You're not worried?" Looking into the camera, Hunk gestured with his knife "We both know how messed up he was after Allura. I feared he'd given up his dream of space completely. If he's enjoying his new line of work, then good for him" Messed up... was one way to put it "Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to sign off, you know a Blade's work is never done. Krolia's insisting I take a vacation after this mission, so we might be catching up sooner than you think" "Please come talk some sense into Shiro over this Curtis thing" Snorting, Keith shook his head "I am the last person who should be giving relationship advice to anyone" "Don't sell yourself short, man. You're the number one bachelor in the universe" "Now you sound like Lance" "What can I say, he rubs off on you. Take care of yourself, and I'll let Shiro know you called" "Thanks, Hunk. You too" Signing off, Keith slumped back in his pilot's chair. Lance was in space and he seemed to be the only one who had no idea. Did Pidge know? Probably. Leaving Earth required notifying the Garrison. If Pidge and Hunk knew, then Shiro would have to. Did Axca know? If she didn't before, she would now. And why was Lance on Erathus? Erathus was the playground for the rich. Kind of like the Hollywood of old reborn with the boom in interest when it came to all things Earth related. Earth wasn't exactly the closest of planets, so a barren planet had been cultivated then gifted the Erathus in reference to their Earth. None of this should be bothering him as much as it was. Lance had made it clear where they stood. Attempting to make his best friend feel better after the loss of his girlfriend, they'd gotten wasted on Nunvil and fallen into bed together. It was sloppy, they hadn't even had sex, just some awkward alcohol driven mutual masturbation as they made out then passed out drunk without cleaning up. The following morning Lance was gone. Keith know that for Lance it was an ugly mistake that never should have happened, his own heart felt as if it'd broken when Lance acted like nothing had happened, then admitted that the whole night was a blank when Shiro had teased them over drinking. So rejected by his crush, Keith had pushed his pain down to be there for Lance, only for Lance to decide he wasn't coming back to space. Coran had coaxed him as far as Altea by requesting his help in erecting Allura's monument, and speaking of her to the people of Altea, but if it wasn't Allura related it seemed to mean nothing to the Cuban now. Whining softly at him, Kosmo nosed at him with his wet nose "I know. I'm being pathetic. He already rejected me, yet here I am thinking of him all over again. Come on, let's get some sleep?"

[bfxenon]

Basic Reputation Management for Better Customer Service

Posted by MiriamEllis

The Internet can be a great connector, but sometimes, it acts as a barrier.

Your local business receives a negative review, and the slate-colored words on the bland white screen can seem so cold, remote. You respond, but the whole interaction feels stilted, formal, devoid of face-to-face human feelings, like this:

At least when a complaint occurs via phone, the tone of a customer’s voice tells you a bit more and you can strive to respond with an appropriate vocal pitch, further questions, soothing, helping, maybe resolving. Still, if you’re working off a formal script, the human connection can be missed:

Image credit: News Oresund, Elvert Barnes

It’s a win when a customer complains in person to your staff, but only if those employees have been empowered to use their own initiative to solve problems. Employees who’ve been tasked with face-to-face interactions but lack permission to act fully human when customers complain will miss opportunity after opportunity to earn the loyalty your brand would give almost anything to amass. Two people can be looking one another in the eye, but if one has to act corporate instead of human, too much formality ensures forgettable experiences:

Image credit: Jan-Willem Boot, Amancay Blank

What you really want as a local business owner is to have the power to turn those chilly black-and-white words on a review profile into a living color interaction. You want to turn one-way messaging into front porch conversation, with the potential for further details, vital learnings, resolution, and deeply informal human connection with a neighbor, like this:

Image Credit: Christian Gries

The great barrier: reviews

Seventeen years into my journey as a local SEO, I’ve come to realize that my favorite businesses — the ones I’ve come to patronize with devotion — are the ones with owners and staff who treat me with the least formality. They’ve creatively established an environment in which I felt liked, heard, regarded, trusted, and appreciated, and I’ve responded with loyalty. It’s really a beautiful thing, when you step back and think about it.

For me, it’s small local farmers who epitomize informal neighborliness in business. They:

Do their best to grow high quality food

Know me by name

Know my dietary preferences

Let me roam around their properties for enjoyment’s sake

Trust me to pay via an honor system

Ask me if there’s additional produce I’d like them to grow

Want to know how I’m cooking their produce

Tell me other ways I might prepare their produce

Have nice conversations with me about a variety of topics

Am I describing a business here, or a friend? The line is blurry. I’ve hugged some farmers. Prayed for a few when they’ve had hard times. I may have first met them for monetary transactions, but we’ve built human relationships, and the entire way I relate to this sector is defined by how the farmers go about their business.

With a few exceptions, most local brands can work at building less formality and more neighborliness into their in-person customer service. Think about it. In most settings, your customers would enjoy being treated with the respectful interest and kindness that invites camaraderie.

But we hit a strange barrier when the medium is online reviews. If we learned to read and write in a formal school setting, we may unconsciously ascribe a certain stiffness to textual exchanges. We’re worried about getting lower marks for making a mistake, and we’re aware of being in front of a public audience in writing review responses. We’re missing vital communicative cues, like the facial expression of the customer, their tone of voice, and their body language.

On our side of the equation, we can’t shake hands, or physically demonstrate our willingness to help, or even signal our approachability with a smile.

To tell the truth, reviews aren’t a great substitute for in-person communication, but they are here to stay, and there’s a certain amount of fear on both sides of many transactions that builds up the layers of the barrier, like this:

What can be done to bring the two parties closer together, so that they are at least leaning over the same fence to talk?

Create a workflow for spotting single and aggregate review cues

The easiest way I know of to get started with a workflow surrounding reviews is via a very intuitive product like Moz Local. Basic components are built into the dashboard, offering a simple jumping off point into the complex world of reputation management.

The screenshot above shows a portion of the functions Moz Local offers for review management. The organization of the various data widgets create a bridge for getting closer to customers and engaging in real, meaningful dialogue with them in an atmosphere of goodwill, rather than fear. Let’s break it down by tasks.

1. Seek cues in single reviews with ongoing alerts

To enter into a conversation, you have to know when it starts. The right-side column of the Moz Local dashboard keeps a running feed of your incoming reviews on a variety of platforms, as well as incoming Google Q&A questions. On a daily basis, you can see who is starting a conversation about your business, and you can tell whether customers most recent customers were having a good or bad experience by looking at the star rating.

Make it your practice to click first on any review in this feed if it’s received a 3-star rating or less, and see how much information a customer has shared about the reason for their less-than-perfect rating, as in this fictitious example:.

Because the reviews are timestamped, you may have the ability to connect a customer’s poor experience with something that happened at your place of business on a specific day, like being understaffed, having an equipment failure, or another problem.

In fact, a second view in the dashboard makes it immediately obvious if the reviews you received on a particular day had lower star ratings than you’d like to see:

If you know a customer’s complaints can be tied to an issue, this gives you something more and better to say than just “I’m sorry,” when you respond. For example, broken equipment leading to a cold meal is something you can explain in asking the customer to let you make it up to them.

2. Seek cues in aggregated sentiment

Knowing whether you have just one customer with a single complaint or multiple customers with the same complaint is vital quality control intelligence. Very often, Google reviews are particularly brief in comparison to reviews on other platforms, and you need to be able to take a large body of them to see if there are shared topical themes. The Review Analysis widget in the Moz Local dashboard does exactly this for you:

In this view, you can see up to 100 of the most common words your customers are using when they review you, the percentage of the reviews containing each word, and the star rating associated with reviews using each word. You can toggle the data for each column.

In our fictitious example, the business owner could see that when food is served cold, it’s yielding very poor review ratings, but that, fortunately, this is a complaint contained in only 1.7% of total reviews. Meanwhile, the business owner could notice that 2% of reviews with a 3.8 star rating (only a moderately good experience) are revolving around the phrase “service”. The owner can click on each word to be shown a list of the reviews containing that term to help them identify what it is about the service that’s diminishing customer satisfaction.

The figures in the above screenshot are all pretty low, and likely represent only mild concerns for the business. If, however, the business owner saw something like this, that would change the narrative:

Here, 12.2% of the reviews mentioning the restaurant’s veggie burgers are associated with a very poor 2.0 rating. The owner would need to dive into this list of reviews and see just what it is customers don’t like about this dish. For example, if many of these reviews mentioned that the burgers lacked flavor, had bland condiments, or buns that fell apart, these would be cues that could lead to changing a recipe. Again, this would give the owner something genuine to say in response to dissatisfied customers. Ideally, it would lead to the customer being invited to come again for something like a free taste test of the new recipe.

Whatever details the review sentiment analysis function yields for your business, use it with the intention of having a two sided conversation with your customers. They complain, in aggregate, about X, you research and implement a solution, and finally, you invite them to experience the solution in hopes of retaining that customer, which is typically far less costly than replacing them.

3. Grade your business at a glance

These two views in the Moz Local dashboard allow you to analyze two key, related aspects of your business at a glance.

The Average Rating view is the fastest way to grade yourself on aggregate customer satisfaction. This example shows a business with little to fear, with 96% of customers rating the business at 4-or-more stars and only 4% having a three-stars-or-less experience. In terms of having happy customers, this fictitious company is doing a great job.

However, the Reviews Reply rate needs some work. They’re only replying to 1% of their overall reviews, 0% of their 2-to-5-star reviews, and only 21% of their 1-star reviews. The business is doing an excellent job offline, but unless they improve their online responsiveness, their average review rating could begin to decrease over time.

In sum, a workflow which investigates reviews singly and in aggregate tells the story or customer satisfaction across time, and gives the business owner a clearer narrative to tap into and write from in responding.

Make optimal response rates and two-way conversation your goal

As a local business owner, you have many demands on your time. That being said, my pro tip for you is to respond to every review you possibly can. There’s no scenario in which it’s smart to ignore a conversation any customer starts, whether positive or negative. Just as you wouldn’t ignore a percentage of your incoming calls or customers walking around your business, you shouldn’t ignore them online.

If thinking of reviews as a two-way conversation is a bit of new concept to you, consider that most review platforms enable people to edit their reviews for a reason: many of your customers think of the reviews they write as living documents, and are willing to update them to journal subsequent interactions that made a scenario better or worse. My own research has shown this to be true, and multiple studies have reached the conclusion that the majority of customers will continue doing business with brands that resolve their complaints.

This means that local businesses can manage a customer journey that follow this pattern for negative reviews, much of the time:

In black-and-white review land, this might look like this:

Or, when a customer is happy to begin with, offering extra incentives to come again while thanking the customer for taking the time to write their review could look like this:

Here, a conversation starter about salsa has been turned into a two-way dialog guaranteed to make the customer feel heard and valued. They’ve been invited back, their opinion has been solicited, and both the existing customer and all potential future customers reading Mary’s response can see that this is a restaurant with a lively, on-going relationship with its diners.

Takeaway: don’t just say “thanks” to every customer who positively reviews your business. Seek cues in their words that show what they care about and tie it to what you care about. Find common ground to further engage them and bring them back again.

How big of a priority are reviews, really?

I’ve consulted with so many local business owners over the years — everybody from beekeepers to bookkeepers. It’s a plain fact that all small business owners are extremely busy, and not all of them instantly take a shine to the idea of having a lot of little two-way conversations going on with their customers in their review profiles.

Statistics can change minds on this, when it comes to figuring out how much of a priority review analysis and management should be. Consider these findings from the Moz State of the Local SEO Industry survey of over 1,400 people involved in the marketing of local businesses:

Respondents placed aspects of Google reviews (count, sentiment, owner responses, etc.) as having the second greatest impact on Google’s local rankings.

90% of respondents agree that the impact of reviews on local pack rankings is real.

Nearly 14% of those marketing the largest local enterprises realize that more resources need to be devoted to review management. Yet, in another section of the survey, agency workers placed review management in a lowly 11th place in terms of something they are requested to help their clients with. Learn more about these trends by downloading the free State of the Local SEO Industry Report for 2020.

Statistics like these indicate that there is a maturing awareness of the vital role reviews play in running a successful local business. Management of all aspects of reviews deserves priority time.

Make a habit of reading reviews between the lines

Moz Local software will ensure you know whenever single reviews come in, and help you slice and dice review data in ways that tell customer service narratives in aggregate. If you’re already using this software, your first steps of reputation management are just waiting to be taken with ease and simplicity.

But to get the most of any review management product, you’ll need to bring a human talent to the dashboard: your ability to read between the lines of review text that can be brief, vague, sharp, and sometimes unfair.

With the exception of spam, there’s a real person on the other side of each text snippet, and for the most part, their shared desire is to be treated well by your business. Even if a review stems from a customer you can’t identify or one who communicates disappointment rudely, you can take the high road by making a mental image of yourself standing face-to-face with someone you highly value who is voicing a problem. Respond from that good place, with the conscious intention of improved neighborly communication and you may be pleasantly surprised by your ability to transform even the most dissatisfied person into a happier, more loyal customer.

I’ll close today with an excerpt of a very long real-world review which I’ve truncated. I’ve underlined the cues and the rewards I’m hoping you’ll spot and see as you strengthen your commitment to review management as a key component of your customer service strategy.

The new Moz Local plans — Lite, Preferred, and Elite — are designed to offer more features and flexibility to better meet the needs of local businesses and their marketers. Customers on any of the new plans can now monitor reviews via alerts, and depending on the plan, respond to reviews and take advantage of social posting. It’s never been more important to actively engage and listen to the needs and concerns of your current customers — and potential customers will take notice.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[nutrifami]

Basic Reputation Management for Better Customer Service

Posted by MiriamEllis

The Internet can be a great connector, but sometimes, it acts as a barrier.

Your local business receives a negative review, and the slate-colored words on the bland white screen can seem so cold, remote. You respond, but the whole interaction feels stilted, formal, devoid of face-to-face human feelings, like this:

At least when a complaint occurs via phone, the tone of a customer’s voice tells you a bit more and you can strive to respond with an appropriate vocal pitch, further questions, soothing, helping, maybe resolving. Still, if you’re working off a formal script, the human connection can be missed:

Image credit: News Oresund, Elvert Barnes

It’s a win when a customer complains in person to your staff, but only if those employees have been empowered to use their own initiative to solve problems. Employees who’ve been tasked with face-to-face interactions but lack permission to act fully human when customers complain will miss opportunity after opportunity to earn the loyalty your brand would give almost anything to amass. Two people can be looking one another in the eye, but if one has to act corporate instead of human, too much formality ensures forgettable experiences:

Image credit: Jan-Willem Boot, Amancay Blank

What you really want as a local business owner is to have the power to turn those chilly black-and-white words on a review profile into a living color interaction. You want to turn one-way messaging into front porch conversation, with the potential for further details, vital learnings, resolution, and deeply informal human connection with a neighbor, like this:

Image Credit: Christian Gries

The great barrier: reviews

Seventeen years into my journey as a local SEO, I’ve come to realize that my favorite businesses — the ones I’ve come to patronize with devotion — are the ones with owners and staff who treat me with the least formality. They’ve creatively established an environment in which I felt liked, heard, regarded, trusted, and appreciated, and I’ve responded with loyalty. It��s really a beautiful thing, when you step back and think about it.

For me, it’s small local farmers who epitomize informal neighborliness in business. They:

Do their best to grow high quality food

Know me by name

Know my dietary preferences

Let me roam around their properties for enjoyment’s sake

Trust me to pay via an honor system

Ask me if there’s additional produce I’d like them to grow

Want to know how I’m cooking their produce

Tell me other ways I might prepare their produce

Have nice conversations with me about a variety of topics

Am I describing a business here, or a friend? The line is blurry. I’ve hugged some farmers. Prayed for a few when they’ve had hard times. I may have first met them for monetary transactions, but we’ve built human relationships, and the entire way I relate to this sector is defined by how the farmers go about their business.

With a few exceptions, most local brands can work at building less formality and more neighborliness into their in-person customer service. Think about it. In most settings, your customers would enjoy being treated with the respectful interest and kindness that invites camaraderie.

But we hit a strange barrier when the medium is online reviews. If we learned to read and write in a formal school setting, we may unconsciously ascribe a certain stiffness to textual exchanges. We’re worried about getting lower marks for making a mistake, and we’re aware of being in front of a public audience in writing review responses. We’re missing vital communicative cues, like the facial expression of the customer, their tone of voice, and their body language.

On our side of the equation, we can’t shake hands, or physically demonstrate our willingness to help, or even signal our approachability with a smile.

To tell the truth, reviews aren’t a great substitute for in-person communication, but they are here to stay, and there’s a certain amount of fear on both sides of many transactions that builds up the layers of the barrier, like this:

What can be done to bring the two parties closer together, so that they are at least leaning over the same fence to talk?

Create a workflow for spotting single and aggregate review cues

The easiest way I know of to get started with a workflow surrounding reviews is via a very intuitive product like Moz Local. Basic components are built into the dashboard, offering a simple jumping off point into the complex world of reputation management.

The screenshot above shows a portion of the functions Moz Local offers for review management. The organization of the various data widgets create a bridge for getting closer to customers and engaging in real, meaningful dialogue with them in an atmosphere of goodwill, rather than fear. Let’s break it down by tasks.

1. Seek cues in single reviews with ongoing alerts

To enter into a conversation, you have to know when it starts. The right-side column of the Moz Local dashboard keeps a running feed of your incoming reviews on a variety of platforms, as well as incoming Google Q&A questions. On a daily basis, you can see who is starting a conversation about your business, and you can tell whether customers most recent customers were having a good or bad experience by looking at the star rating.

Make it your practice to click first on any review in this feed if it’s received a 3-star rating or less, and see how much information a customer has shared about the reason for their less-than-perfect rating, as in this fictitious example:.

Because the reviews are timestamped, you may have the ability to connect a customer’s poor experience with something that happened at your place of business on a specific day, like being understaffed, having an equipment failure, or another problem.

In fact, a second view in the dashboard makes it immediately obvious if the reviews you received on a particular day had lower star ratings than you’d like to see:

If you know a customer’s complaints can be tied to an issue, this gives you something more and better to say than just “I’m sorry,” when you respond. For example, broken equipment leading to a cold meal is something you can explain in asking the customer to let you make it up to them.

2. Seek cues in aggregated sentiment

Knowing whether you have just one customer with a single complaint or multiple customers with the same complaint is vital quality control intelligence. Very often, Google reviews are particularly brief in comparison to reviews on other platforms, and you need to be able to take a large body of them to see if there are shared topical themes. The Review Analysis widget in the Moz Local dashboard does exactly this for you:

In this view, you can see up to 100 of the most common words your customers are using when they review you, the percentage of the reviews containing each word, and the star rating associated with reviews using each word. You can toggle the data for each column.

In our fictitious example, the business owner could see that when food is served cold, it’s yielding very poor review ratings, but that, fortunately, this is a complaint contained in only 1.7% of total reviews. Meanwhile, the business owner could notice that 2% of reviews with a 3.8 star rating (only a moderately good experience) are revolving around the phrase “service”. The owner can click on each word to be shown a list of the reviews containing that term to help them identify what it is about the service that’s diminishing customer satisfaction.

The figures in the above screenshot are all pretty low, and likely represent only mild concerns for the business. If, however, the business owner saw something like this, that would change the narrative:

Here, 12.2% of the reviews mentioning the restaurant’s veggie burgers are associated with a very poor 2.0 rating. The owner would need to dive into this list of reviews and see just what it is customers don’t like about this dish. For example, if many of these reviews mentioned that the burgers lacked flavor, had bland condiments, or buns that fell apart, these would be cues that could lead to changing a recipe. Again, this would give the owner something genuine to say in response to dissatisfied customers. Ideally, it would lead to the customer being invited to come again for something like a free taste test of the new recipe.

Whatever details the review sentiment analysis function yields for your business, use it with the intention of having a two sided conversation with your customers. They complain, in aggregate, about X, you research and implement a solution, and finally, you invite them to experience the solution in hopes of retaining that customer, which is typically far less costly than replacing them.

3. Grade your business at a glance

These two views in the Moz Local dashboard allow you to analyze two key, related aspects of your business at a glance.

The Average Rating view is the fastest way to grade yourself on aggregate customer satisfaction. This example shows a business with little to fear, with 96% of customers rating the business at 4-or-more stars and only 4% having a three-stars-or-less experience. In terms of having happy customers, this fictitious company is doing a great job.

However, the Reviews Reply rate needs some work. They’re only replying to 1% of their overall reviews, 0% of their 2-to-5-star reviews, and only 21% of their 1-star reviews. The business is doing an excellent job offline, but unless they improve their online responsiveness, their average review rating could begin to decrease over time.

In sum, a workflow which investigates reviews singly and in aggregate tells the story or customer satisfaction across time, and gives the business owner a clearer narrative to tap into and write from in responding.

Make optimal response rates and two-way conversation your goal

As a local business owner, you have many demands on your time. That being said, my pro tip for you is to respond to every review you possibly can. There’s no scenario in which it’s smart to ignore a conversation any customer starts, whether positive or negative. Just as you wouldn’t ignore a percentage of your incoming calls or customers walking around your business, you shouldn’t ignore them online.

If thinking of reviews as a two-way conversation is a bit of new concept to you, consider that most review platforms enable people to edit their reviews for a reason: many of your customers think of the reviews they write as living documents, and are willing to update them to journal subsequent interactions that made a scenario better or worse. My own research has shown this to be true, and multiple studies have reached the conclusion that the majority of customers will continue doing business with brands that resolve their complaints.

This means that local businesses can manage a customer journey that follow this pattern for negative reviews, much of the time:

In black-and-white review land, this might look like this:

Or, when a customer is happy to begin with, offering extra incentives to come again while thanking the customer for taking the time to write their review could look like this:

Here, a conversation starter about salsa has been turned into a two-way dialog guaranteed to make the customer feel heard and valued. They’ve been invited back, their opinion has been solicited, and both the existing customer and all potential future customers reading Mary’s response can see that this is a restaurant with a lively, on-going relationship with its diners.

Takeaway: don’t just say “thanks” to every customer who positively reviews your business. Seek cues in their words that show what they care about and tie it to what you care about. Find common ground to further engage them and bring them back again.

How big of a priority are reviews, really?

I’ve consulted with so many local business owners over the years — everybody from beekeepers to bookkeepers. It’s a plain fact that all small business owners are extremely busy, and not all of them instantly take a shine to the idea of having a lot of little two-way conversations going on with their customers in their review profiles.

Statistics can change minds on this, when it comes to figuring out how much of a priority review analysis and management should be. Consider these findings from the Moz State of the Local SEO Industry survey of over 1,400 people involved in the marketing of local businesses:

Respondents placed aspects of Google reviews (count, sentiment, owner responses, etc.) as having the second greatest impact on Google’s local rankings.

90% of respondents agree that the impact of reviews on local pack rankings is real.

Nearly 14% of those marketing the largest local enterprises realize that more resources need to be devoted to review management. Yet, in another section of the survey, agency workers placed review management in a lowly 11th place in terms of something they are requested to help their clients with. Learn more about these trends by downloading the free State of the Local SEO Industry Report for 2020.

Statistics like these indicate that there is a maturing awareness of the vital role reviews play in running a successful local business. Management of all aspects of reviews deserves priority time.

Make a habit of reading reviews between the lines

Moz Local software will ensure you know whenever single reviews come in, and help you slice and dice review data in ways that tell customer service narratives in aggregate. If you’re already using this software, your first steps of reputation management are just waiting to be taken with ease and simplicity.

But to get the most of any review management product, you’ll need to bring a human talent to the dashboard: your ability to read between the lines of review text that can be brief, vague, sharp, and sometimes unfair.

With the exception of spam, there’s a real person on the other side of each text snippet, and for the most part, their shared desire is to be treated well by your business. Even if a review stems from a customer you can’t identify or one who communicates disappointment rudely, you can take the high road by making a mental image of yourself standing face-to-face with someone you highly value who is voicing a problem. Respond from that good place, with the conscious intention of improved neighborly communication and you may be pleasantly surprised by your ability to transform even the most dissatisfied person into a happier, more loyal customer.

I’ll close today with an excerpt of a very long real-world review which I’ve truncated. I’ve underlined the cues and the rewards I’m hoping you’ll spot and see as you strengthen your commitment to review management as a key component of your customer service strategy.

The new Moz Local plans — Lite, Preferred, and Elite — are designed to offer more features and flexibility to better meet the needs of local businesses and their marketers. Customers on any of the new plans can now monitor reviews via alerts, and depending on the plan, respond to reviews and take advantage of social posting. It’s never been more important to actively engage and listen to the needs and concerns of your current customers — and potential customers will take notice.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[localwebmgmt]

Basic Reputation Management for Better Customer Service

Posted by MiriamEllis

The Internet can be a great connector, but sometimes, it acts as a barrier.

Your local business receives a negative review, and the slate-colored words on the bland white screen can seem so cold, remote. You respond, but the whole interaction feels stilted, formal, devoid of face-to-face human feelings, like this:

At least when a complaint occurs via phone, the tone of a customer’s voice tells you a bit more and you can strive to respond with an appropriate vocal pitch, further questions, soothing, helping, maybe resolving. Still, if you’re working off a formal script, the human connection can be missed:

Image credit: News Oresund, Elvert Barnes

It’s a win when a customer complains in person to your staff, but only if those employees have been empowered to use their own initiative to solve problems. Employees who’ve been tasked with face-to-face interactions but lack permission to act fully human when customers complain will miss opportunity after opportunity to earn the loyalty your brand would give almost anything to amass. Two people can be looking one another in the eye, but if one has to act corporate instead of human, too much formality ensures forgettable experiences:

Image credit: Jan-Willem Boot, Amancay Blank

What you really want as a local business owner is to have the power to turn those chilly black-and-white words on a review profile into a living color interaction. You want to turn one-way messaging into front porch conversation, with the potential for further details, vital learnings, resolution, and deeply informal human connection with a neighbor, like this:

Image Credit: Christian Gries

The great barrier: reviews

Seventeen years into my journey as a local SEO, I’ve come to realize that my favorite businesses — the ones I’ve come to patronize with devotion — are the ones with owners and staff who treat me with the least formality. They’ve creatively established an environment in which I felt liked, heard, regarded, trusted, and appreciated, and I’ve responded with loyalty. It’s really a beautiful thing, when you step back and think about it.

For me, it’s small local farmers who epitomize informal neighborliness in business. They:

Do their best to grow high quality food

Know me by name

Know my dietary preferences

Let me roam around their properties for enjoyment’s sake

Trust me to pay via an honor system

Ask me if there’s additional produce I’d like them to grow

Want to know how I’m cooking their produce

Tell me other ways I might prepare their produce

Have nice conversations with me about a variety of topics

Am I describing a business here, or a friend? The line is blurry. I’ve hugged some farmers. Prayed for a few when they’ve had hard times. I may have first met them for monetary transactions, but we’ve built human relationships, and the entire way I relate to this sector is defined by how the farmers go about their business.

With a few exceptions, most local brands can work at building less formality and more neighborliness into their in-person customer service. Think about it. In most settings, your customers would enjoy being treated with the respectful interest and kindness that invites camaraderie.

But we hit a strange barrier when the medium is online reviews. If we learned to read and write in a formal school setting, we may unconsciously ascribe a certain stiffness to textual exchanges. We’re worried about getting lower marks for making a mistake, and we’re aware of being in front of a public audience in writing review responses. We’re missing vital communicative cues, like the facial expression of the customer, their tone of voice, and their body language.

On our side of the equation, we can’t shake hands, or physically demonstrate our willingness to help, or even signal our approachability with a smile.

To tell the truth, reviews aren’t a great substitute for in-person communication, but they are here to stay, and there’s a certain amount of fear on both sides of many transactions that builds up the layers of the barrier, like this:

What can be done to bring the two parties closer together, so that they are at least leaning over the same fence to talk?

Create a workflow for spotting single and aggregate review cues

The easiest way I know of to get started with a workflow surrounding reviews is via a very intuitive product like Moz Local. Basic components are built into the dashboard, offering a simple jumping off point into the complex world of reputation management.

The screenshot above shows a portion of the functions Moz Local offers for review management. The organization of the various data widgets create a bridge for getting closer to customers and engaging in real, meaningful dialogue with them in an atmosphere of goodwill, rather than fear. Let’s break it down by tasks.

1. Seek cues in single reviews with ongoing alerts

To enter into a conversation, you have to know when it starts. The right-side column of the Moz Local dashboard keeps a running feed of your incoming reviews on a variety of platforms, as well as incoming Google Q&A questions. On a daily basis, you can see who is starting a conversation about your business, and you can tell whether customers most recent customers were having a good or bad experience by looking at the star rating.

Make it your practice to click first on any review in this feed if it’s received a 3-star rating or less, and see how much information a customer has shared about the reason for their less-than-perfect rating, as in this fictitious example:.

Because the reviews are timestamped, you may have the ability to connect a customer’s poor experience with something that happened at your place of business on a specific day, like being understaffed, having an equipment failure, or another problem.

In fact, a second view in the dashboard makes it immediately obvious if the reviews you received on a particular day had lower star ratings than you’d like to see:

If you know a customer’s complaints can be tied to an issue, this gives you something more and better to say than just “I’m sorry,” when you respond. For example, broken equipment leading to a cold meal is something you can explain in asking the customer to let you make it up to them.

2. Seek cues in aggregated sentiment

Knowing whether you have just one customer with a single complaint or multiple customers with the same complaint is vital quality control intelligence. Very often, Google reviews are particularly brief in comparison to reviews on other platforms, and you need to be able to take a large body of them to see if there are shared topical themes. The Review Analysis widget in the Moz Local dashboard does exactly this for you:

In this view, you can see up to 100 of the most common words your customers are using when they review you, the percentage of the reviews containing each word, and the star rating associated with reviews using each word. You can toggle the data for each column.

In our fictitious example, the business owner could see that when food is served cold, it’s yielding very poor review ratings, but that, fortunately, this is a complaint contained in only 1.7% of total reviews. Meanwhile, the business owner could notice that 2% of reviews with a 3.8 star rating (only a moderately good experience) are revolving around the phrase “service”. The owner can click on each word to be shown a list of the reviews containing that term to help them identify what it is about the service that’s diminishing customer satisfaction.

The figures in the above screenshot are all pretty low, and likely represent only mild concerns for the business. If, however, the business owner saw something like this, that would change the narrative:

Here, 12.2% of the reviews mentioning the restaurant’s veggie burgers are associated with a very poor 2.0 rating. The owner would need to dive into this list of reviews and see just what it is customers don’t like about this dish. For example, if many of these reviews mentioned that the burgers lacked flavor, had bland condiments, or buns that fell apart, these would be cues that could lead to changing a recipe. Again, this would give the owner something genuine to say in response to dissatisfied customers. Ideally, it would lead to the customer being invited to come again for something like a free taste test of the new recipe.

Whatever details the review sentiment analysis function yields for your business, use it with the intention of having a two sided conversation with your customers. They complain, in aggregate, about X, you research and implement a solution, and finally, you invite them to experience the solution in hopes of retaining that customer, which is typically far less costly than replacing them.

3. Grade your business at a glance

These two views in the Moz Local dashboard allow you to analyze two key, related aspects of your business at a glance.

The Average Rating view is the fastest way to grade yourself on aggregate customer satisfaction. This example shows a business with little to fear, with 96% of customers rating the business at 4-or-more stars and only 4% having a three-stars-or-less experience. In terms of having happy customers, this fictitious company is doing a great job.

However, the Reviews Reply rate needs some work. They’re only replying to 1% of their overall reviews, 0% of their 2-to-5-star reviews, and only 21% of their 1-star reviews. The business is doing an excellent job offline, but unless they improve their online responsiveness, their average review rating could begin to decrease over time.

In sum, a workflow which investigates reviews singly and in aggregate tells the story or customer satisfaction across time, and gives the business owner a clearer narrative to tap into and write from in responding.

Make optimal response rates and two-way conversation your goal

As a local business owner, you have many demands on your time. That being said, my pro tip for you is to respond to every review you possibly can. There’s no scenario in which it’s smart to ignore a conversation any customer starts, whether positive or negative. Just as you wouldn’t ignore a percentage of your incoming calls or customers walking around your business, you shouldn’t ignore them online.

If thinking of reviews as a two-way conversation is a bit of new concept to you, consider that most review platforms enable people to edit their reviews for a reason: many of your customers think of the reviews they write as living documents, and are willing to update them to journal subsequent interactions that made a scenario better or worse. My own research has shown this to be true, and multiple studies have reached the conclusion that the majority of customers will continue doing business with brands that resolve their complaints.

This means that local businesses can manage a customer journey that follow this pattern for negative reviews, much of the time:

In black-and-white review land, this might look like this:

Or, when a customer is happy to begin with, offering extra incentives to come again while thanking the customer for taking the time to write their review could look like this:

Here, a conversation starter about salsa has been turned into a two-way dialog guaranteed to make the customer feel heard and valued. They’ve been invited back, their opinion has been solicited, and both the existing customer and all potential future customers reading Mary’s response can see that this is a restaurant with a lively, on-going relationship with its diners.

Takeaway: don’t just say “thanks” to every customer who positively reviews your business. Seek cues in their words that show what they care about and tie it to what you care about. Find common ground to further engage them and bring them back again.

How big of a priority are reviews, really?

I’ve consulted with so many local business owners over the years — everybody from beekeepers to bookkeepers. It’s a plain fact that all small business owners are extremely busy, and not all of them instantly take a shine to the idea of having a lot of little two-way conversations going on with their customers in their review profiles.

Statistics can change minds on this, when it comes to figuring out how much of a priority review analysis and management should be. Consider these findings from the Moz State of the Local SEO Industry survey of over 1,400 people involved in the marketing of local businesses:

Respondents placed aspects of Google reviews (count, sentiment, owner responses, etc.) as having the second greatest impact on Google’s local rankings.

90% of respondents agree that the impact of reviews on local pack rankings is real.

Nearly 14% of those marketing the largest local enterprises realize that more resources need to be devoted to review management. Yet, in another section of the survey, agency workers placed review management in a lowly 11th place in terms of something they are requested to help their clients with. Learn more about these trends by downloading the free State of the Local SEO Industry Report for 2020.

Statistics like these indicate that there is a maturing awareness of the vital role reviews play in running a successful local business. Management of all aspects of reviews deserves priority time.

Make a habit of reading reviews between the lines

Moz Local software will ensure you know whenever single reviews come in, and help you slice and dice review data in ways that tell customer service narratives in aggregate. If you’re already using this software, your first steps of reputation management are just waiting to be taken with ease and simplicity.

But to get the most of any review management product, you’ll need to bring a human talent to the dashboard: your ability to read between the lines of review text that can be brief, vague, sharp, and sometimes unfair.

With the exception of spam, there’s a real person on the other side of each text snippet, and for the most part, their shared desire is to be treated well by your business. Even if a review stems from a customer you can’t identify or one who communicates disappointment rudely, you can take the high road by making a mental image of yourself standing face-to-face with someone you highly value who is voicing a problem. Respond from that good place, with the conscious intention of improved neighborly communication and you may be pleasantly surprised by your ability to transform even the most dissatisfied person into a happier, more loyal customer.

I’ll close today with an excerpt of a very long real-world review which I’ve truncated. I’ve underlined the cues and the rewards I’m hoping you’ll spot and see as you strengthen your commitment to review management as a key component of your customer service strategy.

The new Moz Local plans — Lite, Preferred, and Elite — are designed to offer more features and flexibility to better meet the needs of local businesses and their marketers. Customers on any of the new plans can now monitor reviews via alerts, and depending on the plan, respond to reviews and take advantage of social posting. It’s never been more important to actively engage and listen to the needs and concerns of your current customers — and potential customers will take notice.

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